#they could just be filming again sometime later or they really did finish

[spideyhexx]

i have such specific trauma from when jeremy jordan did spinning gold and there was no news for months and then it turned out they had to stop filming bc they ran out of money that im SCARED

OH NO FJSNDNSS im gonna say maybe there’s hope since they mentioned the watch dogs film in the vman article but😭

and the director last retweeted smth about someone talking about the movie beginning of august dnsndnsn his twt still says shooting watch dogs but obviously they’re not rn SO IDK WHATS GOING ON AND ITS SLOWLY DRIVING ME CRAZY

[slasherbvnnie]

Until We Found You | Part V

Part V is finally out!! I enjoyed writing this one a lot! I still have some more chapters in mind, especially for the big reveal. Not sure how many I can write out, but I don’t see it happening anytime soon.  Sorry it’s a bit short this time! The next part is going to be longer. As usual, heed the tags

Modern Day College Scream AU, Obsessed AFAB!Reader, Eventual Poly!Ghostface x reader, Eventual NSFW, All characters 18+

Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part VI Part VII Part VIII Part IX

word count: 1836

“Don’t you know the trope of never having sex in horror films?” The other line asked you, making you laugh, “you didn’t kill me the first time, why would it be any different now?” You asked as you sat out on your front porch, taking a seat on the bench outside. “What if someone else made you star in their movie, huh? Wouldn’t you be part of their film instead,” they said as you laughed, “yeah, but then it could be some big cross over. Like alien versus predator or king kong and Godzilla, I would kinda like to see that, my two boys fighting for protecting me.” You teased as they chuckled. 

“I heard you wanted both of us there tonight,” they hummed, making you smile, “so you’re the one who makes the calls?” you asked before continuing, “I want you both here…alongside a new lingerie outfit too, you boys are really racking up a total. You two should take me shopping sometime.” You suggested playfully, wishing that you could go out in public with the two. “Maybe someday,” they said, sounding a little more somber now. “Will you two ever let me know who you are?” You asked, it had been on your mind lately, but the silence gave you your answer. “I guess you still can’t trust me, huh? It’s fine, I’ll find a way to prove it to you two.” You said, hearing another phone call coming in. “I have to let you go now, one of my friends is calling, I’ll see you two tonight, right?” You questioned, “we’ll be a little later tonight but don’t worry, we’ll be there.” They promised you before hanging up. Y

ou smiled, answering the new call coming in. “Hey! Me and Stu were gonna head out for lunch soon, did you wanna join? Sid’s gonna call Billy to see if he wanted to go,” Tatum’s voice said, you debated for a moment before agreeing. “Great! Me and Stu will pick you up, we can pick up Randy too afterwards,” she said as you hummed. “Sounds good, I’ll get ready now,” You said, hanging up after saying goodbye. Your eyes lingered out into the street, you couldn’t help but feel as if there was someone watching you, wondering if your secret stalker was watching over you right now. Part of you wished they’d just come out and reveal themselves to you, pull off their mask and show you their faces. You let out a sigh, getting up from the bench and heading back inside the house to get ready.By the time Stu’s car pulled up to your driveway you were ready, hair and outfit finished along with just the right amount of makeup for you. 

You could hear the music playing from outside, wondering at which point in time Stu would finally lose his hearing, you gave him another 10 good years. You texted your parents that you were going out with your group again, promising them to be home before curfew. Curfew had bummed you out recently, you made a mental note to tell your masked killers that you were mad at them for making Woodsboro go under a curfew, everything sucked now that nothing was open past 6. “Hey Macher, calm it with the stereo,” you said as Stu chuckled, “can’t help it, I like making my presence known,” he said as he turned up the music louder. You rolled your eyes, chatting with Tatum as you all headed to pick up the others. 

Sid and Billy met you at the restaurant, already sitting down at a booth when you all arrived. It was about an hour later, everyone finished with their food and just spending time chatting about whatever came up. “Did you guys hear about Oliver?” Randy asked as Tatum nodded, “Dewey said it was even worse than Casey and Steve, said you couldn’t recognize him at all,” she added in as your eyebrows furrowed. “Sid said the neighbors tried getting the killer, did Dewey say anything about that?” You questioned as Tatum shook her head, “no, he said the neighbor tried to shoot at them but they missed. Said they took off into the woods,” she said, you growing worried if they had been hurt. They didn’t mention anything on the phone so you assumed they weren’t, making you relax a bit. “Maybe it was your mystery date,” Randy teased, making you glare at him, “I mean we were talking about him yesterday, maybe your boyfriend got mad about him and decided to off him as some romantic present,” he added as you laughed. “Right, cause I totally want to be an accomplice,” you joked as you rolled your eyes, but you did wonder if that was true.

 Oliver had bullied others as well, so you didn’t put it past them to have also been one of his victims. Though, the thought that they did it for you made your heart beat faster. “I think you cracked the code Meeks,” Billy teased, noticing your reddening cheeks, “are you all forgetting she was almost killed by them?” Sidney brought up as Stu hummed, “well she is still alive, maybe Randy was right with them doing it to cover up their tracks,” he said as you scoffed. “Can you jackasses back off before I take my turn at you?” You said jokingly, waving the butterknife on your plate around playfully. 

Later that night you sat in bed, rewatching the Texas Chainsaw Massacre on your laptop with Irena purring and fast asleep on your lap. You snacked on some popcorn as you watched the movie, looking to your side as you saw Tatum calling you. You hit pause on the movie and answered as you ate another piece of popcorn, “whats up, Tate?” You asked as she quickly spoke, “holy shit! They almost got the killer!” she yelled into the phone, making you sit up. “What?” You questioned as she laughed. “The killer! They were going after some of Oliver’s friends. They were having a celebration for him and one of the guys actually fucking stabbed them! Dewey said they were chasing them down but lost them a few moments ago, they said the police are gonna be waiting at the hospital incase anyone comes in with a stab wound,” she said, you carefully moved Irena off your lap and set your laptop on your vanity as you looked out your window. You could see the black outfit moving and struggling to climb up, “shit, that’s awesome Tate, let me know if Dewey calls you again, I’m gonna go tell my parents,” You spoke, hanging up the phone and putting it down as you pushed your window open. 

“Seriously? Going after the whole fucking football team?” You asked angrily, putting your hand out to help them inside. You shut the window after they got in, seeing them collapse onto the floor. “Shit, hold on,” You said as you rushed to your bathroom, grabbing the first aid kit and rushing back to their side. You were about to lift up the robe before they grabbed your wrist, pushing your hand away. You felt a little hurt that they still didn’t trust you, but pointed in the direction of the restroom. “You can patch yourself up in there, my friend said the police are going to be at the hospital, you can’t go,” you said, seeing the flashing of police lights pass by outside. “Is the other one okay?” You questioned them, getting a nod as they hubbled to the bathroom. After half an hour they emerged from the bathroom, taking a seat on your desk chair. “Are you okay? Did the bleeding stop?” You fretted over them, getting a nod as they motioned you over. They grabbed your wrist, holding your hand up to their chest so you could feel their steady heartbeat. You relaxed before pushing on their chest, huffing at them. “The whole fucking football team, you’re actually fucking crazy,” you huffed out before gently rubbing where you had pushed them. “The other one, he got away okay?” You asked, smiling when you got another nod. “You can stay as long as you need tonight, the police are probably out searching for you,” you said, sighing softly as you looked to them. “Don’t think I forgot about that lingerie set either, it was pretty expensive,” you said jokingly, earning a laugh from behind their mask. “I’m gonna head to bed, I have an exam tomorrow,” you said, giving a little kiss to their mask. “If you wanna join at least take off your clothes, I won’t look, I promise. You can even blindfold me if you don’t trust me,” you offered, heading to bed. They followed after you, you laid down and closed your eyes, facing them so they could see that you weren’t looking. They began to shuffle out of the costume, going to your door and locking it before heading back to your bed. They laid down behind you, wrapping their arms around you and holding you close.

You fell asleep easily in their hold, relaxing in their arms throughout the night. A few hours later you woke up to muffled voices in the bathroom, you sat up and rubbed your eyes as you looked to see the morning sunlight lighting up your room. “I’m fine, just spent the night at her place,” you heard coming from the bathroom, your groggy mind a bit too slow to recognize they weren’t using the voice changer. You did your best to not pay attention, not wanting to betray their trust by finding out who they were too soon. You laid down again, closing your eyes when you heard the door open. You felt their hand tracing your face before they planted little kisses on your cheeks before planting a soft and loving one to your lips. They pulled away and pulled the mask on before tapping you, you pretended to stir awake, blinking up at them. “You’re leaving?” You asked as they nodded, “be safe, okay? I would rather prefer finding out who you are when you trust me and not through some Gale Weathers interview,” you said as you leaned up, planting a little kiss on their mask just like last night. “Be safe, both of you,” you said as they nodded and began to climb out your window. 

An hour later Tatum came to pick you up in her little red beetle, driving both of you to class. You met up with Sid and Stu, who had his arm wrapped around Tatum. “Where’s Billy at today?” Tatum asked as Sid sighed, “said he came down with a major stomach bug. He said he was sick all night and didn’t even sleep, his dad told him to head to the doctor instead of class,” she said as you turned towards Sidney. Stu became aware of your glance at her, his eyes widening in surprise when you made eye contact with him. 

[landorris4]

── ☆ quadrant house

☆ Maybe Lando Norris was more than a friend, and maybe it was time for you to learn that.

warnings: friends with benefits words count: 2635

POV Maya

It was the third time that week that my parents had pestered me about moving in with my cousin. I made videos for YouTube and that's why the neighbors sometimes complained about the noise and stuff, after all, we lived in an apartment in Chicago.

After so much insistence on this idea, I finally accepted. Living with him will be fun, after all he lives with a bunch of other people, and I think I know all of them. I sent a message to Max asking if I could come over on Monday and he said he would prepare everything.

The only condition he gave me was that I help with the expenses, and I accepted, after all I made money from the internet and spending time there would generate much more content for my channel. And it would be great to see my best friend, Lando, again.

Right now, I was checking my bags. I'm only taking my clothes, accessories, shoes and some souvenirs, decorations I buy there. Today is Sunday and I have a flight at 7 pm, so I'm going to take a nap before my flight. It will be a seven hour and forty minute flight, I even had time to sleep, but I can't relax on planes alone.

[...]

I just got off the plane and my cousin sent me the address, I'm going to take an Uber because they forgot to clean the house and are only doing it now. It had to be Quadrant.

Anyway, I did everything I had to do at the airport and called an Uber. I would even describe what I did, but it's a lot of bureaucracy. I started filming on the plane and now I was filming some scenes in the Uber as well. Of course, I didn't say anything, I just recorded it and I'll tell you later. I'm really embarrassed to talk to the camera around people.

As soon as I arrived in front of the mansion, I thanked and paid the driver, took my bags out of the car and immediately placed them in front of the door, I sent a message to Max and in 2 minutes he was opening the door for me.

── I thought they were going to let me live in the garden ─ I acted dramatic and he laughed. I think drama runs in the family.

── I missed you, Maya! ─ he said hugging me and messing up my hair, which made me look at him angrily.

── Max! I spent the whole way from the airport fixing my hair and you mess it up when I get here? I just don't kill you now because I'm so tired ─ I said and he just laughed, picked up my bags and took them to the living room.

── Ria, Niram and Aarav went to the market to do their monthly shopping. Lando is sorting out some sponsorship stuff, Steve is still sleeping. Oh, and your room won't be ready until tomorrow, so you'll be sleeping with someone. I'd say sleep in my room, but P is arriving today too ─ he said and I nodded.

── I'm going to stay in Lando's room, I'm going to put him to sleep on the floor ─ I said, picking up my bags and Max laughed, I've always been very attached to Lando, ever since I met him.

Max picked up the remaining bags and took them to Norris's room. I followed him since I didn't know this house yet. It was huge, I would definitely get lost here.

── You can sleep if you want, we'll wake you up for lunch ─ he kissed my forehead and left the room, closing the door.

I looked at the clock and saw that it was 10 o'clock, so I decided to take a shower. As soon as I was done, I put on some comfortable clothes and went back to my room. I saw that Lando had a bulletin board and I went over there, writing that I should finish my vlog later. I would definitely forget.

I grabbed my camera and put it on the nightstand. Soon someone knocked on the door and I said they could come in. As soon as the person opened the door, I saw that it was Pietra and smiled. I went up to her and hugged her. It had been a long time since I had seen her, and I really enjoyed her company.

── Did you miss me? ─ she mocks and I laugh, releasing her from the hug.

── Not at all ─ I replied and she laughed.

── I just came to give you a hug and let you go to sleep. The boys don't know yet, so when Lando comes in and sees that there's someone sleeping in his bed, he'll find it strange ─ she said a few more things and then left the room, finally leaving me alone.

I lay down on the bed and was thankful that Lando had a soft bed. I grabbed my camera and said I was going to sleep, I sent a message asking Max to record Lando's reaction when he arrived and saw that I was here and he agreed.

And then, after a few minutes of trying, I managed to fall asleep.

[...]

── NO WAY! ─ I heard a scream and immediately woke up, looking at the door and seeing a disbelieving Lando, and a laughing Max with a camera right behind him.

I smiled at Norris who came running, threw himself on top of me and hugged me. I missed his hugs, they were so warm. Lando and I have known each other since before I moved to the United States, I met him at one of Max's kart races and we ended up becoming best friends, that was about 9 years ago. Sometimes we would hook up, just for fun, but it never affected our friendship.

── Wow Ma, I missed you so much! ─ he exclaimed without letting go of me.

── I felt it too, Lan! ─ he smiled at the nickname and hugged me tighter, falling down next to me and laying me on his chest.

── I'm going now because I feel like being left out ─ Max said, leaving the room and closing the door, which made us laugh.

── What are you doing here, Yara? ─ he called me and I frowned. I hated that nickname.

My name is actually Mayara, and Lando is the only one who calls me Yara. Throughout my life, he was the only one who dared to create a nickname. When he realized that I didn't like the nickname, he started using it just to annoy me.

── Don't call me Yara, Norris ─ I said and he laughed. ─ And I came to live here!

── I missed annoying you, and I'm glad you're going to live here now. I missed you so much! ─ He surprised me with a kiss and I smiled, shyly.

── I'm sleepy, so if you're going to stay here, don't make any noise, thanks ─ I said, turning to the other side and curling up on the bed. The truth is that even after years of intimacy with Lando, I still felt blushing with every minimally romantic action, and at this moment, I'm sure I'm blushing.

── I'm going to help the boys with lunch. I'll come and get you later. ─ He got up, walked around the bed and stopped in front of me. He held my face and gave me a kiss. And how I missed those kisses. In the end, he smiled and left the room, leaving a completely happy Maya lying on the bed.

[...]

We had lunch, and when it was 2 pm, I put on a bikini and went to the pool area. I was listening to music on my headphones when I heard my name being called. There was no one calling me, just Niram making fun of Lando for not wiping the smile off his face since I arrived.

I sat back down on the lounge chair and the boys decided to stay in the pool. After a while, I remembered that I needed to record more scenes for the vlog so I went in and got my camera.

I started going through the takes I recorded and ended up realizing that Max had set the camera to record Lando's reaction, and then left it on the nightstand, but didn't stop recording, which ended up recording the kiss Norris gave me. I laughed in despair, after all, Ria is the one who edits my videos, and I couldn't cut this before sending it to her because my laptop doesn't support editing applications. And to make matters worse, my computer was an ocean away.

I couldn't erase the take, because it was too funny from that angle, but I had to find a way to convince Ria not to tell anyone.

It's not like it's a huge secret that Lando and I kiss at parties. But homely affection like the one in the video, those are secret. To our friends we only kiss when we're drunk, to my cousin we're just friends who have never touched each other's lips, but between him and me there's a mutual agreement of free will to kiss and make out in private.

Speaking of him, the arms that surrounded me were definitely his, his unmistakable scent invaded my senses, followed by a caress on my waist, a body pressed against mine and a head in the curve of my neck.

── Are you okay, Yara? You didn't go back to the pool ─ Lando murmurs, giving small kisses on my shoulder.

── Yes, I just remembered that I need to record a few more scenes and I came to get my camera. It turns out that I asked Max to record his reaction and he forgot to tell me that this camera was also on, so he recorded our kiss ─ I explain and he smiles.

── It's not like it's a secret ─ he says, moving away and smiling mischievously.

── It's not a secret, but it's not public knowledge. Ria will see it and will ask me a lot of questions, let's pray that she doesn't tell anyone ─ I explain, turning to face him.

── Everyone knew for me ─ Lando lets go.

What do you mean? He's the first one to say he doesn't want anything serious when he's with other girls. It doesn't make sense for him to say that.

── Lando, with all due respect, why are you saying this? I can't even count on my fingers how many girls you turned down in the last year, claiming you didn't want to be with anyone and were focused on your career. I remember well every time you called me drunk to tell me you couldn't have a serious relationship.

── Yes, because none of them were you! ─ the boy says and leaves the room, leaving me confused.

What does he mean by that?

(...)

There are few things I don't know how to deal with well. Among them are injustices and adult tantrums, both of which always irritate me. And dealing with Lando Norris today was being impossible, because it was unfair that he made me confused and his childish tantrum of running away from me all day would have to stop at some point.

That moment came at bedtime. He tried to take as long as he could to come to bed, but he found me awake, sitting on the bed waiting for him. Sighing in defeat, Lando went into the bathroom and changed his clothes so he could sleep, and sat down next to me, both of us watching the television that was off.

── So... Aren't you going to explain it to me? ─ I begin.

── There's nothing to explain, Yara. It's obvious that I'm in love with you, if you didn't notice before it's because you didn't want to. I never made a point of hiding that I would do anything for you.

── You never made a point of talking either, did you? ─ He remains silent. ─ Lando, I'm sorry, but it's hard to read your signals when you're with me for a week and then show up at a club with some girl the next week ─ I'm honest.

I don't hold any grudges or resentment over it, but I admit that yes, sometimes it hurt to wake up to pictures of you with a woman hanging around your neck.

── You never wanted anything serious, Yara, you always made it clear that our lives didn't fit together because I'm always traveling and you live on another continent. I had no choice but to make the most of my time with you and then try to forget the desire to return to your arms ─ Lando vents. I can see his back tense and his gaze get lost between the sheets. ─ But now it's a different story. I thought we could finally have that love story from your favorite books. I thought you would finally notice me the way I notice you. Like when I realized you hold your breath every time something bothers you in one of our conversations about privileges. Or when I realized you hate eating plain or excessive cheese but love four-cheese pizza. Or when I realized you wake up with back pain if you sleep on your right side, so I switched sides in bed...

Watching Lando vulnerable was comforting. Knowing that he felt this way around me and knowing that we can have a future made me deeply happy. Even better was realizing that he had been noticing me all along. He saw me. And I won't deny it, until yesterday I thought I loved Lando just as a friend. But today, after all his speech, I realized that it was never just that. It was never just kisses and hugs, it was never just sleepless nights, it was never just mornings with a hangover. It was never just friendship. Lando was by my side every step I took over the last few years and I hoped he would continue to be there for the next few years too.

Charlie Brown Jr.¹ once said: "They say it's impossible to find love without losing your mind; But for those with strong minds, the impossible is just a matter of opinion; And even madmen know that." And he was right. Love is blind and madness accompanies it, just like the fable by Jean de La Fontaine says. It's unlikely that you'll love someone without having a hint of madness in the mix. After all, only madmen are capable of loving someone so much without losing their self-love. And I loved Lando Norris. I loved him so much!

Loving Lando Norris was a lazy Sunday morning, between kisses, sheets, affection and love on a cold but sunny morning. After all, that was the definition of love for me. I won't know how to explain it, but that was it. And Lando was all that and much more.

Unable to hold it in any longer, I grabbed his hand to get his attention and settled myself on his lap, beginning a slow, passionate kiss that lasted until both of our lungs were begging for oxygen. When our mouths parted, I pressed our foreheads together briefly before snuggling into his shoulder in a warm embrace.

── Thank you. For paying attention, for understanding my side, for giving me satisfaction even when you shouldn't, for loving me. Thank you for being you and choosing me to love you ─ I whispered.

── I'm the one who should thank you here, love. Thank you for loving me, even if I'll never be half the man you deserve to have.

── You are more than I need, Lan.

And maybe, in the end, only the crazy ones really knew. And, God, how happy I was to be one of the crazy ones.

¹Charlie Brown Jr. was a Brazilian rock band formed in 1992 in the city of Santos, by Chorão, Champignon, Marcão Britto, Thiago Castanho and Renato Pelado.

[ofdemonsandangels]

A Masterlist of My Favorite GriffGuts fics Part 2

Well hello again! We're coming up on two years since my last GriffGuts fic rec masterlist and so many amazing fics have come out since then! I'm really happy that the original list got so much love, I really can't wait to share more of my favorites with you all, both new or looked over from before <3

One-Shots

White Hawk Down by bishounenjump

Summary:

Sometimes Guts forgets that Griffith is just a man. A man with a body.

My comments:

A missing scene from canon that we all wish could have happened

Snowmelt by bthump

Summary:

Once again, Griffith acts impulsively when it comes to Guts. AU where Griffith doesn't find out that Guts left the Hawks until after he's gone.

My comments:

The way I was waiting for two whole years for another bthump fic after Refraction lmao. This fic is one of those fics that you pull up to cope with after you remember what happened in canon.

What would happen if the duel in the snow never happened but Griffith still chased after Guts to bring him back? Find out in 10.2k words of peak writing. In bthump we trust (￣^￣)ゞ

Late Night Reverie by bishounenjump

Summary:

"He won’t hesitate to admit that he loves being king. No blustering nobleman can take that from him.

And yet, on nights like this, when he can drink in the broad expanse of his commander — his dark brow and gentle gaze and absurdly strong physique — he knows that some dreams do occasionally obscure others."

My comments:

A very heartwarming glimpse into a future that Guts and Griffith could've had. I feel all warm inside whenever I reread this fic

we're not in love, we share no stories by Alyss_Baskerville

Summary:

Though the gash on Guts’ shoulder heals, his eyes now skip right past Griffith.

My comments:

Whereas the previous fic rec was a sweet look into a future that never was, this fic is a painful one. Holy hell did I feel like someone had carved my heart out of my chest when I had finished the final line. It reminds me a lot of the film, Atonement, so if you've seen the film, you can take a lot more away from this fic.

In the Absence of Light by Ghidorahs_Child

Summary:

Schierke aches for him, for the happiness he was denied, for the love he has lost.

My comments:

Guts and Schierke share their own Corridor of Dreams moments and it's just as bittersweet as you think it is

A Dreamless Sleep by Queenbananya

Summary:

“I’ve killed children for you,” Guts said, lying next to Griffith on a patch of grass. He peered up at the stars and remembered the kid’s face, the hand that reached out to him helplessly as the last trace of life faded from his eyes.

Or, Guts seeks comfort from Griffith, months after he's killed Adonis.

My comments:

Griffith comforting Guts as he deals with the trauma of killing Adonis is something we all desperately wanted at some point

That Dawn in the Snow by Nefastum

Summary:

He wondered now if Griffith even remembered there were others around him, or if he had completely shut them out. Casca and Judeau were staring in uncertainty, and not far back up the road it was easy to see Rickert, Corkus, and Pippin in earshot of most of their conversation. Griffith didn’t falter, though. It was like all he could see was Guts, and perhaps they’d have to find an excuse for his vulnerability later for the others. Guts could sympathize, though. The feeling was mutual.

My comments:

You can never go wrong with a duel in the snow au, and this fic is no different. The characterization of Griffith here is really great too and probably one of my favorite takes of him for this scene in particular

This Fleeting Dream by Queenbananya

Summary:

"To me... they are not friends. A friend is someone that is my equal."

Perhaps it was the way his thoughts had strayed in that direction, or simply how attuned he was to the movements of his soldiers. His eyes could always find him. Guts stood there, listening. And in his eyes, there was heartbreak.

Or, Griffith catches Guts listening in his famous fountain conversation with Charlotte and follows after him. Essentially, an exploration of his character and feelings for Guts.

My comments:

A very interesting take on a "Griffith clearing everything up with Guts after he finds out he overheard his dream speech at the fountain" au. Equal parts fluff and equal parts angst

Forever Facade by TheriOlis

Summary:

Slan has come to see what manner of flower grows atop the bones buried beneath Griffith's garden.

My comments:

The GriffGuts in this fic is mild but as the resident Slan thirster, I need you all to read this because it's really fucking good. NeoGriff being egged on by Slan for nearly 2k words? Yes, YEs, YES

Recoil and Grace by aloveleyburn

Summary:

Their fingers wind together in the darkness. Outside there is that ever-present chirping of birds and insects – the music of those dark hours, calming as cool water. Outside some car alarm goes off in the empty streets, and on the bedside table, clock reads 2:47am.

My comments:

There are so many words that I could use to describe this fic, but I think I'll just settle on 'quintessential'. I can't remember the last time I was so enthralled by a fic, so glued to my screen and absorbing every single word in front of me. The way that Ariel blends the two storylines into one in such a flawless manner reminds me of a weaver stitching together two scenes in a tapestry. Each thread is connected in a way that matters.

If there's one fic you walk away with from this list, I hope that this is the fic.

Property by starry_dynamo

Summary:

“I’ve wanted you since the moment we met, and if the reason you never returned my advances was that you felt tainted by that scum from your past, I will carve him from your memory. You are not his. You belong to me, and I want your body to never forget.”

Griffith learns why Guts has a problem with intimacy. Guts learns he has another purpose.

My comments:

BDSM to cope with trauma. That's it. It's nice and sweet and hot at the same time.

Geleotto fu il Libro by Ghidorahs_child

Summary:

"I have nightmares of you leaving me."

My comments:

GriffGuts gets ready for bed together! Featuring book talk, insecurities, and lots of domestic fluff

Steel Groove by Maplekites

Summary:

The Hawks enjoy celebrating anything they can.

My comments:

GriffGuts, my dancing queens

Completed Multi-Chapter Fics

When Night Comes Down by alovelyburn

Summary:

"If you stand far enough outside the tapestry, you can see the many threads and paths unwalked. The points of change can be so tiny they go unnoticed at the time... though the ripples travel for centuries and more, into eternity. Yet, in the end, all paths lead to one path. There may be deviations, yes, yet still we dance that same dance, with the steps assigned to us by fate. It is inevitable. One must die to resurrect. One must fall to rise."

My comments:

This fic is my Roman Empire. If Apostle!Guts is your thing, this fic is the perfect fic for you.

Ongoing Multi-Chapter Fics

our castle was always made of sand by meereens

Summary:

His life was easy to understand. Mother liked to tell him stories, wrapped up in their canopy bed with warmth crackling in her words. He was born from a real-life fairytale, everyone knew it, from a dashing knight’s love for a simple princess.

Queen Charlotte and King Griffith's young son uncovers something he was not meant to know.

My comments:

This is THEE GriffGuts kid fic (and the only one to my knowledge too haha). It's the perfect "Griffith gets guy and the throne" au and really explores what GriffGuts would look like from a child's perspective, specifically Griffith's son's perspective. I know that kid fics can be annoying with the way some people write kids but trust me, William Leopold Guts Charles Wyndham is the cutest little guy ever and I would lay down my life for him.

Fic Series

Sehnsucht by SeaDragons (SimpleNefelibata)

My comments:

GriffGuts: Hurt no Comfort the Series

[idesofrevolution]

Be Like Me

You didn't really know him. Back in the day, perhaps you knew Nick Kessler, but as far as the "Nicky" Kessler he is today... He might as well have been a total stranger. You lived in the same town, you grew up together, you were in the same classes, you even were known to have hung out on occasion. But as things do, life has it's own plan. You sort of faded into the background, and he to the forefront. He Nick was quiet, reserved, even awkward at times- a stark contrast to the boisterous, playful, rambunctious little degenerate he became.

He started to come out of his shell, hang with different people, started skateboarding and discovered he was quite good. His new friends were all popular, so he became popular. Thus, you watched from afar the blossoming of Nicky Kessler, your former friend, as you stayed the same. That isn't to say that he was rude, mean spirited, a bully like some of his pals. When you passed him in the halls, he always wanted a high five, or a noogie, or to mime punch like all stupid skater dudes do. But you always felt abandoned and left alone while he skyrocketed.

After high school he seemed to make his own way, posting a lot on Tik Tok and YouTube, eventually graduating to a very successful and you imagined fairly lucrative OnlyFans. It would be fair to say you admired him, living life on his terms, dressing the way he wanted, acting the way he did... being happy the way he was. Thus on that tepid day in town, as you walked down the street, the familiar chilled out (likely stoned) young twenty-something skater immediately gave you pause.

In the back of your mind, you wanted to avoid him. You didn't want him to see you like this, the way you ended up. Some square, vanilla normie that no one would pay notice to or even think of. Admiring from afar was safe, it was anonymous. Though in your heart of hearts, you desperately wanted to be Nicky. It was never meant to be, you thought, as you quickly turned to jettison back into the safety of the sidewalk crowd. Yet, as it does, life has it's own plan.

"Ayyyy no way!" The toked out tenor timbre of his voice soared over the chatter of the city, smacking the back of your head like a lead pipe. "Is it my boy over there? Can't be!" You sighed, knowing full well your cover was blown. Turning around, your eyes met. He grinned his dopey grin and jumped to his feet, running over to wrap you in his tight hug. Nicky was a pretty lean, almost lanky guy, but years of skating and partying had him surprisingly fit and able to nearly knock the wind out of you when his slender body slammed into you.

"Heh... Hey Nick. How's it going?" Your words fell out of your mouth with the heavy weight of anxiety. He released you from his bear hug, rustling your hair through his sweaty hands.

"Ahhh, you know me man! It's Nicky to you, my dude." You looked down at your feet, chuckling to yourself. Did you know him? "I just finished up at the skate park, got a sick Airwalk on film and was gonna head home to edit it. Gotta keep up for my boys, am I right?" He slapped your shoulder with a jovial snicker. You nodded silently and smiled, unsure of what to even say. For a moment there, the silence was deafening, uncomfortably so. You could tell he was waiting for how you were doing, but your mouth had completely clamped shut. Thankfully, the silence was broken. "Ay, you got my number, right? We gonna hang sometime soon, I gotta hear all the crazy shit you been up to!" He pulled his phone out, air dropping his contact info before you even had a chance to respond. "Hit me up in a couple hours or so, yeah? Might film a little somethin' somethin' for OnlyFans, you know what I'm sayin? See you later, bro!" He slapped your back yet again, sauntering back over to the bench to pick his board up and roll away down the sidewalk.

The lingering scent of his cologne and unmistakable waft of sweat hung on you like draperies. He was known in high school for that musk, blowing off any anal retentive teacher which bothered to comment on it after he rolled into class. "I mean, teach you like it too am I right?" He'd always say, getting a chuckle out of the classmates as he plopped down in his seat up front. Everything always seemed to be so unserious. Any criticism, hate, or insult that was thrown his way just rolled off his baggy sweatshirt as if it were nothing. Each time you saw it, you were in awe. How nothing could get to him, how life was a party. Even today.

You made your way back home, taking the short route to avoid any more unexpected run ins. You shut the door and look around your apartment. It’s clean, it’s tidy, it’s indescribably boring. That smile and smell still hanging heavy on your mind, you look down at your phone. His number sat waiting for you. For the first time in forever, you throw your caution to the wind, and send him a text. Just one with your name, nothing more. You hit send and put your phone down, getting ready to go make your dinner. Less than one second passes, and you hear the ding.

Were you surprised? Yeah a bit. A guy like Nick was always up to something, you didn’t expect him to be quite so vigilant with his phone. Though as you inched closer to your phone, another ding. And then another, and another. Quickly you pick it up and unlock it.

Nicky: FUCK YEAHH DUDE! So glad to have you on the phone, man.

Nicky: Bruh, check these sunglasses out dude. A guy I collabed with left em here, hot as fuck.

Nicky: I’ll let you try em on when you get here dude. The boys are gonna think you’re me haha

It was as if your best friend was chatting you up, as if you’d been hanging out your whole lives. Nick was social alright, but you could really feel the excitement through the text. He was happy to hang out with you, not just happy; he wanted to hang out with you. You wiped the look of confusion off your face and replied asking the basic when and where.

You: Sure, what time? And where am I going?

Nicky: Just come on over, I’ll send you the address!

The ping of an address pin on your map showed him not too far away. A five minute walk at most. You wasted no time, grabbing only your keys before you walked out the door. The walk was indeed merely five minutes; before you knew it, you were standing outside the apartment building. Reading the text once more for brevity, you confirmed that Nick lived in apartment 3G. Meandering through the halls and up elevators, you did your best to quell any anxiety or preconceptions regarding your former best friend. Fighting the impostor syndrome which plagued you far beyond the social conundrum you found yourself in that day, you took a deep breath before stepping in front of the door marked 3G. Mustering your strength, you gently knocked on the door three times.

Almost immediately, the door swung open, and before you grinning from ear to ear, eyes covered by the stupid sunglasses he reappropriated and stifling his chuckles under his breath was Nick. He waved you in, and you were met with the sight of an adequate one bedroom apartment. It'd certainly been given the landlord special on more than one occasion, with a thick application of white latex paint covering switchplates, hinges, and miscellaneous fixings on the walls. The place had a certain musty smell to it. You could only compare it to cigarette smoke, freshly ground marijuana, and dirty laundry. Looking around the place, you could see where the scent emitted from all around the room. A still-smoking bong on the cluttered 1990's side table, an ashtray filled with cigarette butts on the kitchen countertop, a pile of dirty laundry shoved up against the wall next to either nine or ten pairs of beat up AirJordans.

The place was a mess, for certain. But as Nick sluggishly plopped down onto the old corduroy sofa, kicking his massive feet up onto the coffee table, it definitely fit the vibe which Nick radiated. Laid back, messy, but comfortable. You wandered over toward the sofa.

"My dude, did I not say these were fuckin' dope?" He flashed his face from side to side, showing off the stupid sunglasses.

"Yeah, man. They look great. Lucky you found them in here." He lounged back, grabbing the bong in his hand.

"Sorry bout the mess. I been goin' and goin' every day makin content, I haven't had time to pick up, you know what I mean?" He ignited the bowl, puffing out a large cloud in your face. Patting the seat next to him, you blushed ever so slightly as you sat down next to him. He smiles as he tosses his arm around your neck as he prepares to pass the bong to you. "So, my dude. What have you been u..."

Suddenly, the bong slipped from his hand, landing on your left thigh and spilling the brown bongwater all over your pants, shirt, and shoes. There was a moment of complete silence which fell over you two, before Nick began to burst into laughter. You, on the other hand were less than amused.

"Shit man, my bad. I've been hitting this for too long huh?" He laughed and slapped your shoulder. "I'll borrow you some clothes. Better than lookin' like you wet yourself, hah!" He jumped up and trudged over to the pile of laundry, ruffling through it. From over his shoulder, Nick tossed an old tee shirt, a grey sweatshirt, a pair of old blue Jordans. You look down at them with a quiet grimace, the dampness of the fabric betraying just how 'dirty' his laundry was.

"Looks like I'll be wet anyway..." You mutter under your breath, the wet scent of summer sweat and masculine musk wafting from the threads into your nose. Nick laughs jovially, shoving you to your feet and guiding you to the bathroom. His smile was sincere as the door shut behind you; despite his wild success and weirdly stunted mental age locked at 21 forever, he still maintained that genuine charm that you couldn't help but crave more of. In a way, he was the exact same Nick that he was in high school: endlessly lucky and effortlessly fun. Looking down at your stained clothes, you decided it would be rude to deny this gracious gesture and began to shuck your shirt and pants. Alas, even your underwear had to go- the stench of hash and fermenting bongwater had permeated even through your jeans. Looking around, you see Nick's used zebra print thong on the sink, huffing as you try to stifle the stiffy which had slowly been growing harder and harder as you breathed in the radiating musk.

Sighing, you snatch the thong off it's perch and slide it up your thighs. Nick was a slender guy and luckily for you, outside the wet G-string, he wore baggy clothes. You hope they'll fit better as you struggle to shove your hardening member into the small pouch. You look down at your hands, shiny with your best bro's sweat. As if moving altogether on their own, your sticky fingers approach your nose, as you take a big whiff of damp skater funk and tangy leftover spunk which coated the inside. You shudder, every huff releasing endorphin after endorphin. Not only was the smell growing on you... you were starting to feel as if you needed it.

You smile as you pull up his stained, baggy Carhartt workpants, laughing as they hang off your waist like two stovepipes, held up only by your plump but tight peach in the rear. You paw at your sizeable bulge, a sticky spot of pre slowly manifesting through the tightly woven denim. Maybe Nicky had the right idea with this whole street-casual thing, as you slipped on his dank old tee shirt the slightly cool moisture which slid across your skin like melted butter felt as if this was the way it was always meant to be: au naturale. Your long, slender arms found their way into the grey sweatshirt which draped across your skinny frame quite nicely. You couldn't help but smile- you looked fucking fantastic. That tanned, smooth skin you pride yourself on just felt at home in your bro's threads.

You sit down on the tile floor, shoving your feet into the massive Jordans, savoring that slimy, sticky sensation as your sole presses against the broken-in, comfy insole. Feeling Nicky's foot funk penetrate into every crevice and pore on your size 13 feet. You vaguely recall a memory from back in the day, where after skating, the two of you were roughhousing at his place and being the dopey lil punk he is, he would relish in his inevitable victory of shoving his smelly, beat up Chucks onto your face. Even more vague and dim was the memory of you tossing the fight to get just one more huff. You two had always been close, the best of friends really.

Though you didn't intend to, you couldn't help but accessorize, slipping on various pieces of Nicky's jewelry to tie it all together. Sharing is caring, and the look required it anyway. Smiling, you pull out your phone taking a snapshot of your new fit, as if you hadn't borrowed his clothes on the reg.

You whip around after one final grope of your throbbing and leaking bulge and saunter out of the bathroom. In the back of your hazy mind, you feel as if you haven't felt this good and authentic for a long time. Confusing, as you and Nicky hang constantly- you're basically attached at the sweaty hip. It's not as if you haven't raided his closet before, haven't felt his sour-saccharine sweat enveloping your lithe body. Walking into the living room once more, he sat stretched out on the couch, smiling from ear to ear.

"Ayyyyyyy look at my boy! All comfy and lookin' fine as fuck." You two fist bump as you collapse onto the sofa next to him, feeling his arm around the back of your neck. You snag the bong from the table, taking another rip from the 'chill machine' as you two know it. Mid exhale, you feel a pair of warm lips press against the nape of your neck and hear Nicky's soft whisper in your ear. "I got a present for ya. A lil' treat." A thump rings out in the room, his worn, beat up Jordans had hit the floor, and now resting on the tabletop among the various clutter were his sticky, sopping wet feet. The tsunami of moist heat bellowing from the shining sweat on his wrinkled soles thrust into your nostrils, a fervent reminder of your favorite 'friendly' pastime with Nicky. He chuckled under his breath as he swung his huge feet onto your lap, prodding your chin and the tip of your nose with his big toe.

You parted your lips, taking in one of those hot-as-hell toes into your mouth, sucking it until you felt him smile again. You were a foot fetishist's dream come true, and once Nicky had found out about that, he was always more than happy to oblige your filthy desires that he shared. His sweaty, stinking toes would go straight into your mouth, and when you finished...you'd get another. And another. Oh yes, and another!

"Mmmm," Nicky moaned as you sucked his toe clean. "Brooooo. You always looked so cute with your face smothered in my feet." You lapped up every drop of slimy footjuice, as he pressed his feet firmly against your head, teasingly massaging and pinching your skin between his toes. With his other hand, he reached down towards the bulge in his crotch, jerking his cock off as he watched you lick his feet. He pulled away, your skin seemingly stuck against the skin of his sole with glue. Nicky smirked with a cocky rise of the corner of his supple lips, watching as your face stretched and warped between his toes. It snapped back to place, ever so slightly sharper in definition. Whenever Nicky started playing with your body, sculpting it to his whim, you were thrilled to see the result.

You two were always finding new ways to explore the kinky needs each of you desperately desired. A new face whenever he willed it. A new body whenever he willed it. Waiting for the right match to finalize his perfect partner. Until then, you'd be forever changing. Forever being molded. Forever being broken apart. Forever being put back together. His cock twitched inside his pants, making a soft squelching sound as he wanked himself.

"I gotta say bro, I'm likin' what I'm makin' tonight. Might have to keep this one around for a while." He ran his fingers through your lengthening hair, feeling your sweaty locks fall gently against your strong shoulders. Your tattoos glistened and shimmered under the beadlets of sweat which had all but covered your entire body within his ripe threads. Nicky laughed, licking his lips as he stood up. He planted a kiss on your thin lips, his tongue exploring your mouth, happily chirping as the flavors of his own footsweat and your sweet saliva mingled on his tongue. He gripped his large, heavy balls, squeezing them together as he shot his load, shooting thick ropes of cum onto your face.

It dripped down your cheeks and your lips, dripping from your chin as it oozed over your sharp jawline. This was your life. An airheaded stoner skater who would do anything to keep his fantasy alive. You'd never let anyone else have such control over your body or mind apart from him. You loved it. You lived for it. And now, with Nicky's cum still dribbling down your chin, you smiled at him, showing him just how much you loved him. The two of you stood up in a huff, smirking in lust as you entered the bedroom and shut the door.

---

The next few weeks were full of huge changes for you. You moved into your boyfriend's grody apartment and quit your dead end job to join him on his OnlyFans and livestreams. The money was more than enough to sustain you and Nicky, even if you had to take on odd jobs to make ends meet. You were always horny as hell, and Nicky would never turn you down. Whether you were bent over a table, lying on your stomach on the bed, or sprawled out on the floor, he was there to give you the dicking down you desperately needed. He was there to dress you up in his musky street clothes, or to make you wear his skimpy little thong before he took you out to the beach. You'd never been happier, and you were sure Nicky was too.

[jayesprite]

ok since i'm all done with college. here are "some" alpha kid college hcs

DIRK (Computer Science):

either did everything a month before during an insomnia episode when the syllabus got released or the night before it's due. he had a habit of pre-doing the coding projects and only when he learned the professor wanted them to be done a certain way he'd go back in and edit them (sometimes. sometimes he'd just turn it in stone-faced and still get good grades).

type of student to show up and turn in his work via canvas but then skip class regularly. the main thing that tanked his gpa was a lack of attendance because he'd go through several insomnia episodes and then pass out for three days straight.

has dropped class out of impulse before and because of that took multiple winter and summer classes.

well also his overall gpa was horrible freshman year because he hated gen ed classes. the only class he liked was an ethics class that counted towards a social studies credit. he did not shut up in that class because he'd go on tangents and just keep going.

otherwise he doesn't participate in classes. his classmates know him solely by his projects. when they make a class discord a classmate will post about a coding issue, dirk will ask for the raw code, come back half and hour later with corrections that ALWAYS worked, then never spoke again. repeat cycle. they're too scared to dm him.

sometimes hal would use dirk's nitro that d is paying for to super react to classmates' messages but that's about it

JAKE (Biology major who got on his knees and begged for a Film minor)

he doesn't have aesthetic notes but otherwise he is the picture perfect example of studytok. he spends a lot of his time studying/researching/etc, and almost never pulls an all-nighter because he loves his sleep so much. goes to bed at 11 wakes up at 7 on the dot.

has only had two late homeworks his entire college career and both times he thought he was going to pass out from anxiety emailing his professors explaining he had gotten sick and was unable to finish it on time.

generally very quiet in class but will speak when called on. he typically sends his discussion responses to jaye/jane first to look over to make sure they make sense. he hasn't told his professors this but he gets really good grades because of that and goes "aw shucks" whenever a classmate compliments them.

his participation grade is usually B-range because he won't go out of his way to talk because of anxiety. he tends to get in detailed discussions with classmates via email or discord, especially the film classes that he's taking. his film advisor is still confused why he didn't just pick it as a major because it's something he's incredibly passionate about.

lives at the school library because of his major, uses the school computers most of the time just for convenience sake. when asked he says it's because his laptop offers "too many distractions".

JAYE/JANE (English with a Creative Writing minor):

"Why English. She would be a business majo-" SHUT UP!!! I KNOW MORE THAN YOU. He knows that he has a job at Crocker Corp if he chooses to take it and his freshman year he was undeclared and was looking at the business classes for the major and thought he was going to die and all the other business majors he kept meeting hated him. After his breakdown his dad patted him on the back and told him that he could choose a major that made him happy, that he can always go back and get a business degree later on. So he picked english and accidentally fell down the creative writing pathway.

He writes a lot of detective noir and stories that explore the duality of the gilded age vs great depression and exploring capitalism as a way to cope with growing up as the heiress for this huge company. There are always lgbt+ characters.

Extremely active in discussions and is well-known by both his professors and his classmates for never shutting up but his contributions are interesting. Because of the media he grew up enjoying he pulls a lot of older references that his professors enjoy.

Does not do his homework in a timely manner. It always is done ON TIME, sure, but he pushes things to last minute or spends so much energy making sure everything is worked on properly that it's done early by accident.

forgets to check class discord servers but frequently in dms when he can get over his anxiety. he mostly has all of his friends read his drafts before he turns them in to class, and they all love his little OCs that he is constantly thinking about. he also has written essays for all of them that they've turned in as their own work. they never got caught.

ROXY (Initially also Computer Science, dropped out, took a gap year, now doing Architecture)

Went into Computer Science because she was undecided but went with what Dirk was doing. She joined a sorority her freshman year for the social aspect and it accidentally really fucked up her career pathway. Her teachers knew she was incredibly smart but she could not keep up the lifestyle she was living, and she failed out of her classes even with her friends' help.

Took a gap year and realized that she was not going to be able to do Computer Science based on Dirk's sophomore year work. her mom gave very similar advice to what jaye got, except it was more like "You don't need to take the obvious pathway, think about what you enjoy most and go with that." and she realized she really loves building and construction. That was her favorite part of building her robots. So after a gap year she started an architecture major.

Extremely hardworking in her major but struggles with deadlines. Her charisma helps her out a lot (plus accommodations) that lets her explain her way out of missing project check-ins. Her stuff is always done in time for critiques but she frequently misses in-progress ones because of how she works.

She's EXTREMELY popular in her major. She has a ton of friends and they frequently camp out in the architecture building working on projects together. She uses her college dollars to get snacks for everyone and shows up with them. She tends to stay in the building until 4am and Dirk comes to pick her up. He doesn't mind because he's happy she's working so hard.

She's on track to graduate the year after everyone else does!! (She doesn't know that one of her professors is ready to give her an entry-level job at his firm when she does)

[chiomaus]

heute ist es ein Jahr her, dass ich angefangen habe, Deutsch zu lernen

ich schreibe nicht den ganzen Beitrag auf Deutsch :p weil ich zu viel zu sagen habe

why did i start learning german? well, there was a german guy i was extremely fond of. so it just made sense to me to start learning the language. hearing someone you really like speak their language to you has a funny way of making you fall in love with a language. well 6 months later we broke up and i was left feeling very lost and lonely. i don't really talk about it much but it had a big effect on me.

but in that time i got to learn a lot about german language and culture. i spent a week in dortmund and visited the weihnachtsmarkt. i got really really into kraftwerk. i realised i didnt want to give up german. i guess part of it was trying to cling naively to something good from the break-up, but the other part was "german language is cool as hell."

am i where i hoped to be a year later? part of me thinks if i was more dedicated i could be soooo much better than i am. going to cologne on my own made me realise my listening comprehension is dogshit.

but on the other hand, my reading and writing is pretty good. my vocabulary is decent. i have a good memory for grammatical gender. i think my accent is pretty great. and maybe i'm not spending three hours every day studying diligently, but i have a daily study plan, i'm driven, and, most importantly, i'm having fun.

i think sometimes i forget that there is no omnipotent force judging me for learning for 1 year and not knowing X or Y. did i struggle a bit in cologne? yes. did i also get by just fine? yes. and very few people switched to english with me which i can only take as an endorsement.

it's very easy to be self-critical and to pick out the things you struggle with and take it as some kind of moral failing. at least if you have brain disease like i do. it's difficult to look back on where you started and appreciate your progress because you have no way to measure yourself. i guess now i will be able to measure my progress by whether my listening comprehension is any better next time i visit germany! (i am hopefully going to berlin in november with my cool friends)

what are my goals for the next year?

work on my listening comprehension with podcasts, tv and films (i should have started this sooner – futurama is really fun in german)

write more (i started a blog and have been doing some language exchange stuff). i'm still relying a LOT on dictionaries and grammar checkers, but i know these things take practice.

maybe think about finding a tutor. honestly i think this might be the way to go because i am bigly lacking in confidence (story of my life). there's also the option of doing a goethe course but 1) spenny 2) intense 3) my ability levels are all over the place.

try and make some german friends. this is hard enough in english tbh so i'm not counting on this.

get to a strong B1 or maybe even B2. the material i'm studying right now is B2 but i don't think any of my skills are that level. reading is probably B1, maybe writing, but speaking is probably not and listening is definitely not.

related: finish up learning A1-A2 flashcards (i am about about 2/3rds of the way through) and move onto B1. i haven't found a good B2 deck yet so i might have to construct my own from the goethe word lists.

get my head around prepositions and adjective endings (i will excuse a lot of the complexities of german grammar but i don't understand why adjective endings should be different depending on whether the article is definite, indefinite or null). these are definitely getting easier and i think will come naturally with more speaking/writing, but i have a few ways to specifically practice these areas too.

definitely visit germany on my own again (unless by some miracle i am in a relationship by then). i have a few places on my list but i will gladly take recommendations. i'm also tempted to go back to cologne because there's a lot i didn't have time to do, plus it's very convenient being so close to the ruhr valley (i don't drive so easy/fast transport links are helpful. i don't mind contending with the german train network).

ok das war's. danke fürs Lesen :)

[joesburrows]

Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover

SUMMARY: Joe has some conflicting thoughts about who he is as a person.

PAIRING: Joe Burrow x Original Character

WARNINGS: cheating (sort of)

WORD COUNT: 1.4k

------

Joe and Nova had a rather perfect life. There wasn’t anything that could tear them apart; they’d been dating since their LSU days where they had met when Joe had transferred there. And now that Joe was in the NFL, there wasn’t anything those two couldn’t handle.

But Nova had noticed that Joe had become a little distant lately. She couldn’t pinpoint why, and maybe she was just overthinking things like she would usually do, but instead of bringing it up to him so they could talk about it, she let it go. Little did she know that would end up being the biggest mistake of her life.

Joe, on the other hand, knew he was being distant. A couple weeks back when he was picking up takeout for him and Nova after a grueling day of practice, he’d met one of the employees at the restaurant he really enjoyed talking to while he waited on the food to finish cooking. Only problem was that he didn’t have their phone number, hadn’t seen them since that day, and didn’t know if he would again.

But that wasn’t even the biggest problem he was currently faced with. The problem was that the person he met was a man. And Joe was incredibly confused on why he felt some kind of way towards him. He hadn’t ever thought of men in that way, hadn’t ever really considered himself as anything other than straight. It was all he knew, especially growing up in the conservative household that he did. And practically being thrust into the football world at such a young age, hadn’t really helped his questioning either. Football was a gritty, masculine sport. It was very rare that you heard of anyone being gay or any sexuality other than straight.

The only thing Joe was completely sure of, was that he wasn’t gay. He was simply just trying to figure out if he was something more than just what he had always known since he was young. Would it be such a bad thing if he was? Yes, actually. Well, that’s what he told himself, at least. Now that he was in the NFL, all eyes were on him. And more so now since he was playing the best football he’d ever had in his entire career this year. Literally every single move he made, was practically under a microscope. And with the Bengals being the current reigning AFC Champions and making a Super Bowl run last season, it was only making it harder on him to cope with how he was feeling at the moment.

One night while Joe was sitting up in bed watching film on his iPad, as per usual, Nova was busy showering. It was their usual routine. Joe had work or practice during the day and when he came home, they’d have dinner, talk for a little while, maybe watch some television, then they’d head to bed where he would sometimes stay up a little later just to watch more film. But he couldn’t seem to find himself being able to concentrate on what he was watching. He pressed pause on the film for a moment and set his iPad down on the bed beside him, then reaching over to pick up his phone. He could still hear the shower running, so he knew he had a little bit of time to make an incredibly stupid decision that would potentially cost him his entire relationship.

Joe had downloaded the Grindr app after he had met the guy he couldn’t stop thinking about. Though, he hadn’t put it to use until now because he didn’t think he had a need for it. But with his curious mind, he opened up the app and created a profile for himself. He wasn’t going to do anything, he decided. He was just going to look. There wasn’t anything wrong with simply looking… Right?

Once his information was input into his profile, available men in the area had started to pop up on the home screen. It was weird. He’d never done this sort of thing before, but it felt… Good in some way. Like he didn’t have to hide who he felt like he was. Instead of putting on a front for everyone he knew and the entire world.

While Joe was swiping through everyone, he had stopped dead in his tracks when the profile of the man he met back at the restaurant popped up. His name was Jameson, but mostly went by James. There was no fucking way. His mind had to have been messing with him, that must’ve been it. But he was most definitely there, and Joe didn’t hesitate to swipe right. The two were instantly connected and he quickly went to send him a message.

Hey, it’s Joe. I don’t know if you remember me, but I was the guy you were talking to at work a couple weeks ago. I didn’t know you were on here.

When Joe was quickly hit with a message back seconds later, he sat up a little straighter and glanced over at the bathroom door to make sure it was still shut and that the shower water was still running. His heart was pounding in his chest, but in the most exciting way it had in a long time.

Hey, Joe! I do remember you, it was great talking to you that day. Safe to say I could say the same thing because the last thing I would’ve expected to see is you on here. You know, being the star quarterback of the Bengals and all. Could’ve sworn it was a myth that football players could like men.

Very funny. It’s not a myth. Not that I know of, at least. But it’s kind of frowned upon, I guess. There aren’t many out and proud football players in the league.

Joe felt a flush of warmth cover his entire body as two of them exchanged more messages. He couldn’t help but to feel so comfortable and at ease talking to this guy. However, he knew the fantasy wasn’t bound to last long. He’d suddenly heard the door to the bathroom unlock and he nearly dropped his phone on the floor in trying to act unsuspecting while setting it back down on the nightstand table. He went to grab his iPad again and pressed play on the film again, pretending as if he hadn’t just been doing something he shouldn’t have been doing.

A then freshly showered Nova appeared in the room, and she walked over to him with a smile, leaning down to press a kiss to his lips. “Hi, honey. How was your shower?” Joe asked, returning the kiss with a smile of his own.

“It was good, nothing special. How’s film watching going?” Nova responded as she maneuvered around the bed to make herself comfortable on her side of it.

“The same as usual,” he said, shrugging his shoulders.

The small talk between the two of them was driving them both insane. It happened every night. They would barely talk and if they did, it was the same damn conversation every single time. The nagging feeling that Nova had wouldn’t go away, but she still didn’t want to say anything. She really was just trying to avoid an argument or perhaps a large-scale fight. The two of them had their fair share of fights being together as long as they were, and they were never pretty. Which was her entire reasoning behind not wanting to bring anything up.

Joe could hear Nova sigh next to him as she laid down and stared up at the ceiling, clearly deep in thought. He stopped watching film and decided to lock his iPad before setting it down next to his phone on the nightstand table, turning off the light for the night. He moved to lay beside her on his side, pulling her into him so he could spoon her from behind. “Something wrong, baby?”

Nova chewed on her bottom lip, still deep in thought as she contemplated on finally bringing up the distance issue when Joe asked her if anything was wrong. But she decided against it. At least for now because it was late at night and they were both tired, and had to be up early for work in the morning. She sighed again and leaned back into his embrace before shutting her eyes for the night. “Not at all, babe. I love you.”

She could faintly hear him whisper he loved her back and telling her goodnight before they both eventually fell asleep. Without either of them knowing that they both had so much on their mind that they wanted to talk about.

[asterjaxx]

i've been watching a lot of movies recently so i'm gonna make a big post about what i think about each one i've watched so far so i can refer back to it if i ever need it

also warnings for possible spoilers for each movie below

things no one cares about under the cut

NOTTING HILL 1999 — dir. Roger Michell

I LOVED NOTTING HILL could watch this movie over and over forever holy shit i love hugh grant. also julia roberts has a very big mouth like if i see her in a different movie and she looks like completely different but i'll recognise her mouth like is that weird- SO CUTE sometimes things didn't quite sequence together ? like there were times when it wasn't quite clear how long had passed between the two scenes, but that doesn't really bother me. not a lot of exposition but again doesn't bother me. just a nice fluffy romantic film :) also has so many funny moments that are actually funny not cringe all around i love this movie so much one of my favourites ever i think

DIRTY DANCING 1987 — dir. Emile Ardolino

in short; not for me lol i can't stand patrick swayze's accent i'm sorry. didn't even watch the whole movie because i was so not interested. it's cute when he's teaching her to do the dance and stuff and i liked when they were in the water trying to do the lift but like that was the only memorable thing for me. hair reminded me of the heathers (which is one of my absolute favourite movies) but other than that it wasn't really anything crazy to me ? just an 80s movie that my mom likes

BRIDGET JONES' DIARY 2001 — dir. Sharon Maguire

good movie. mark kinda pisses me off but he's a good guy in the end so i can live with it HUGH GRANT !!!!1 though his character was a fucking ass i love when he gets beaten up not toooooo fluffy romantic, but still romantic. FUNNY, bridget jones can't get a fucking break and it's hilarious "bridget jones, wanton sex goddess, with a very bad man between her thighs. mum... hi." solid movie i really want to watch the other two (i'll add to this list later when i watch them) and there's a fourth one coming

MAURICE 1987 — dir. James Ivory

ugh gay people ^JOKE JOKE JOKE JOKE i liked this movie. i loooove things set in earlier times but like i wouldn't call this a period piece ? like it's not that far in the past, only 1910s, but then again that was still a hundred years ago. ANYWAY hugh grant again (are you seeing a theme?) ew he was DISGUSTING with the slicked back hair and the moustache EW jokes ugh he was so cute i liked the first half of the movie, the second half was kinda eh to me?? i thought maurice and clive would like have a better resolution between them so i was kinda underwhelmed didn't really like maurice's actor's accent LMAO i am awful ending was kiiiinda disappointing to me i thought there'd be more but it was sweet. I DID NOT EXPECT TO SEE DICK AND BALLS !!!!! i literally almost screamed (no i didn't i handled it like a mature person) anyway yeah this movie's good, but ew gay people I'M JOKING

04/07 UPDATE ————————————————————————

LOVE ACTUALLY 2003 — dir. Richard Curtis

"when the planes hit the twin towers..." HUGH GRANT anyway i loved this movie, super cute. it seemed like there was a lot going on but it was done in a way that it wasn't confusing. funny but not cringe. it's a win for me if hugh grant's in it hate the american president guy, hate harry's voice he sounds like a pedophile ROWAN ATKINSON JUMPSCARE ... TWICE billy mack can suck balls i hated that guy but overall super cute lovey movie but not boringly lovey. story between all of the characters was great and i liked that they all had a nice resolve between them :)

05/07 UPDATE ————————————————————————

BRIDGET JONES: THE EDGE OF REASON 2004 — dir. Beeban Kidron

when i finished bridget jones' diary, and found out there were two more movies (and another in the works) i was a little apprehensive. i thought "what more could possible happen?" but this is bridget jones this movie was super cute actually ! GOD daniel cleaver is an asshole i hate him but hugh grant....... i like that mark and daniel fight again that was fun my god she fucking goes to jail LIKE A WERGIN overall; jesus christ what a movie. i enjoyed it though. I DID NOT EXPECT THAT REBECCA WAS A LESBIAN but then again i have a cousin named rebecca that's queer like the first movie, not super fluffy romantic, but still romantic. actually funny. actually want to kill myseslf out of second-hand embarrassment at times but that's the bridget jones charm

06/07 UPDATE————————————————————————

FOUR WEDDINGS AND A FUNERAL 1994 — dir. Mike Newell

THIS MOVIE WAS SO SWEET AWWWW I FEEL SO SILLY AFTER WATCHING THAT :D rowan atkinson jumpscare once again (i knew he was in this movie) aawww man i don't have much to say about it other than it's so sweet and romantic and i just love it it's beautiful :( my brain is mush after watching it

08/07 UPDATE————————————————————————

BRIDGET JONES' BABY 2016 — dir. Sharon Maguire

holy shit ED SHEERAN JUMPSCARE!!!! oh my god i want to beat the shit out of jack. did not expect that daniel fucking died LMAOOOOO but also (massive spoiler) he's not actually dead i hope he comes back in the fourth movie giggles and kicks feet i heard that in the fourth one mark dies so bridget is alone so like maybe daniel can redeem himself when i saw mark and bridget getting married i was like oh thank god they can actually get married and daniel can't fuck her but never mind anyway i loved this movie it was funny and very bridget jones

um i forgot to write the date oopsie———————————————

SENSE AND SENSIBILITY 1995 — dir. Ang Lee

this movie made my heart hurt i was surprised at how many actors i'd seen previously in other films. like i knew hugh grant was in it (that's why i wanted to watch it lol), but i didn't expect the guy from love actually and bridget jones' mother. oh my god it all hurts the more i watch it hurts i want to cry for elinor and marianne and oh my goddd. also that fucking old bitch is so annoying i forgot her name is she mrs jennings i think but like holy shit shut the fuck up!!!!! ugh i love period media GOOD MOVIE 👍 I LOVED IT but holy shit i am too gen z for how long it was i was rolling to try and find something to keep my attention but also i wanted to watch it so bad the ending was good i liked the resolve like it was actually good i didn't expect anyone to get a happy ending LMAOOO THE MOVIE IS 2 HOURS AND 16 MINUTES. the TENSION between elinor and miss steele oh my god, WHEN THE THREE OF THEM WERE IN THE SAME ROOM i wanted to scream holy shit HLEP ME MISS STEELE'S FACE AS MARIANNE RATTLES TO EDWARD AND THEN HELP ME WHEN SHE TELLS HIS SISTER(i wrote this section while watching the movie) ugh hugh grant my looooove oh my god that man is older than my FATHER also they use the word "creature" a lot to refer to people but that's probably just the 1800s i guess "my heart is... and always will be... yours." AEUUUGHUGUHHUG

01/08 UPDATE————————————————————————

ABOUT A BOY 2002 — dir. Paul Weitz and Chris Weitz

at first i thought this movie was gonna be boring and all that, but i ended up really enjoying it! it actually was really sweet, despite not seeming like it'd be. also the guy that plays the boy marcus is the voice of jon in the new garfield movie ??????????? I'M NOT JOKING LOOK IT UP but yeah i actually really liked this movie i watched it with my mom and i enjoyed it not really much to say except it turns into a really touching movie and it's actually really nice it makes me want to not hate kids but i still do anyway

14/08 UPDATE————————————————————————

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE MORGANS? 2009 — dir. Marc Lawrence

you know,,, i'd want to kill meryl too. ugh i love hugh grant oh my god ughhhh i like the bear :) and the horses :) i don't have much to say about this movie LMAO i feel like most of it wasn't super memorable but i did enjoy it, so less rom more com but i mean that was the point. still sweet ending they finally get a kid. also is that a thing? that a kid can be alive and in the world but not yet have a name? like bro's gotta have a birth certificate with something on it right? i don't know i've never had kids (thank god) and also maybe it was chill like that or maybe it's just a movie and it's just nice and details like that don't matter ^_^

19/08 UPDATE————————————————————————

MUSIC AND LYRICS 2007 — dir. Marc Lawrence

OH MY GOD i wasn't expecting to like this movie that much but holy shit actually that ending was so sweet i cried i said i wasn't gonna lose my head but then pop goes my heart (pop goes my heart) i wasn't gonna fall in love again but then pop goes my heart ALL I WANNA DO IS FIND A WAY BACK INTO LOOOOVE ugh I WAS SO HEARTBROKEN WHEN HE TOLD HER SHE WAS LIKE THE CHARACTER IN THAT BOOK THAT GUY WROTE ABOUT HER LIKE NAOOOOOO but holy shit yeah i liked this movie actually it was actually funny not cringe and also hugh grant so 👍

[heymeowmao]

2024.05.28 - https://weibo.com/l/wblive/p/show/1022:2321325039099747893642

[WB has AI highlights now?]

bgm: 未完待续 (To Be Continued) (Honor of Kings - Story of Hai Nuo and Doria) by Liu Yuning x Shan Yichun

LYN: Hallo everybody, good evening! Welcome!

C: If I had known you were going to stream I would have prepared some snacks. LYN: I think you’re just a foodie. You still have time to order takeout now. Order something. C: Will you reimburse? LYN: I started streaming, to keep you company, and I still have to treat you to snacks (duck: neck, tongue, intestines)?? What about some soybean skin and fish tofu, while we’re at it? I can’t believe snacks were part of my job, too. This customer service… you really know how to chase stars. LYN: I think you should ask for these funds from wb, not from me. Because you’re currently using wb’s software, so see if you can contact them and if they’ll reimburse you for your snacks.

C: I was halfway through a game of HoK and then came here. LYN: You play your game. Finish the round, before you get reported by the other players for going AFK. It’s not worth it.

LYN: I know it’s Tuesday and pretty sudden- I’m sure none of you thought I would stream today, because I didn’t even know myself. Isn’t that mysterious? I didn’t even think I would stream today. I was filming and then the director told us that we would not be filming the night scenes that were scheduled for later in the day. What does that mean? It means the crew made itself a villain and dumped the night scenes. We’re pushing them back to a later time. It rained in Hengdian last night and we weren’t able to complete yesterday’s scenes, either. Since I’ve been filming nonstop lately and spent a lot of sleepless nights, they wanted me to be able to get a good rest tonight. They were thinking if they let me go early I could eat a nice meal and have a good night’s sleep. Little did they know… I am not resting, and have even come to stream. If they find out that I’m streaming right now, they’re going to think I’m unprofessional. LYN: They gave me a break so that I could get a good sleep and maintain my condition so that tomorrow I could pick up with the grueling- I mean- continue working hard. But I picked up a different job instead. C: Chatting with us IS resting. LYN: Of course. It’s not “resting” but it definitely is “relaxing”. To me, streaming is relaxing. Because I always used to just banter with with my fans. We would mutually roast each other. But now as time has passed and we’ve spent more time in this industry, and- how should I put this…?- experienced the worst of this industry, I’ve finally learned how to control myself just a bit. When we used to roast each other- I say that, but we’re all just joking- I thought it was a fun way to communicate. But now, I don’t dare to be as relaxed as I used to.

bgm: 唯一的回答 (No Matter) - Men in Love OST

LYN: I didn’t think I would be streaming today, but I was released from work early and I don’t know the next time that will ever happen again. The month is almost over- it’s about time for me to stream. C: I was thinking you weren’t going to stream this month. LYN: Me too. I didn’t know this would happen, either. But now that I have the chance, I just want to be able to keep myself busy. Cheers~

C: Chat about KSTLB. LYN: I will. I’ll defnitely talk about the things you want to know. You know that I don’t make any preparations or have any sort of agenda for my streams. Sometimes my colleagues will ask me, “Ning-ge, usually when you stream do you make any preparations or anything?” and I tell them I don’t. A lot of the times what I say is based on whatever you’re typing into the chat. I told them that the joy of streaming is the mutual communication and participation. We can discuss things in real time. If you prepare things in advance and just come here planning to perform, then your stream would not necessarily even be as entertaining as watching a variety show instead. Variety shows have editing; MVs and stage performances require a lot of preparations. Of course a livestream wouldn’t be as entertaining as that. LYN: That’s why, when I stream it’s more loosely flowing. I see what you’re saying in the chat, so that’s what I talk to you about. Of course, that also means I suffer some losses. But it’s okay. I am constantly learning about how to stream, even though I’ve been doing it for about 10 years now. I started in 2014 and now it’s 2024. I’ve been streaming for ten years now and I’m still learning. Truly embodying that saying, “Live until you’re old and learn until you’re old.” You still have to learn. So, I am always learning how to stream. 

LYN: Someone said LYX-laoshi is watching my stream? He’s probably busy and doesn’t have much time to actually WATCH my streams like you do. I’m guessing he scrolled across a clip and thought I was pretty insane- since I’m just spewing nonsense most of the time- and thought I was interesting. It’s nice to be able to have some colleagues in this industry also watch my stream, and I’m happy and honored to be to their liking.

C: I want to see your eyes. LYN: Friends, it’s like this- yesterday I went to get my double eyelids done. My eyes haven’t recovered enough, so I’m wearing these shades to stream. Please don’t mind it, okay? I’ll show you when they’re done healing. People always say that my eyes are small, so I went to get eyelid surgery yesterday.

[t/n: he has the li shiliu eye makeup onnn] C: I don’t mind. I want to see them today. LYN: Oh, how high and mighty! “I don’t mind”?? I don’t care if you do. What can you even do if you DO mind?? “I don’t mind. I want to see them today.” There are a lot of things that you want to see (but never will). First of all, you’re being a little demanding, forcing people to do your bidding. Secondly, if I take off my shades, all you’re going to see id blood and scarring! The blade yesrerday went a little rough, so my eyes are bloody. I’ll scare you to death! C: Which shop’s skills are so lacking? LYN: LOL. Are you going to go report them for me?? Why would you even ask? It’s like this- since I sort of count as a public figure, I can’t just go to the big names and get surgery, because what if someone sees me there and exposes me? They’ll say “LYN went to get cosmetic surgery. He realized his visuals are lacking so he went to get work done.” If that gets exposed it’d be really shameful. So I found a small shop and had the work done. I should still have found a more reputable place…

C: Ning-ge! Have a drink. After you do, your streaming condition will be even better! LYN: … LYN: You think too much. Don’t think I don’t know what you’re thinking. All the little thoughts in your head- do you think I don’t understand them? You saw me have a glass of champagne at the Pomellato event and flush all the way down to my neck. You want to make me drunk, then make me cry. Let go of all my sins. (song lyrics) You want to make me drunk, so that I’m more open and a little bit more deranged? LYN: ! It could be this, too: last time I went to the event, as I was walking I undid a button. Maybe you thought I would lose my caution. “So, it turns out that after Ning-ge drinks, he starts undoing buttons!” That’s why you wanted me to drink a glass, so that I would start undoing buttons. But whether I drink or not, I still can’t undo my buttons!! LYN: What the heck?! /took off the shades/ Drinking- I- LYN: I undid the button because of the clothes- it was a little tight. It’s summer and even though there was air conditioning, after making myself busy and a glass of wine, I got hot. After the event ended I undid a button to save myself from being uncomfortable. I know what you’re thinking! You think I don’t understand??

C: Where’s the blood (about his eyes)? LYN: It’s bleeding isn’t it. Look at all the blood. /touches the makeup/ C: They didn’t do a good job with it. I can’t see a difference. LYN: /laughs/ First, I already told you, it was a small shop with average skills. Secondly, as an artist- maybe I didn’t know before, but now that I’m in this industry I can share some secrets- if you want to get any work done as an artist, it has to be subtle. If you go too big, you’re just asking to be ridiculed online. Even IF I were to get double eyelid surgery, I wouldn’t do the whole thing in one sitting. I’d do it 4-5 times, just a few mm each time. That way there’s a slow change and you can’t really tell. That’s an industry rule. Subtle change.  - C: Didn’t you get double eyelid surgery? I can’t really tell. Did you really do it? LYN: I was talking about my bellybutton*, not my eyelids. [肚脐眼 - “eye’ of the belly] LYN: Just listen for entertainment!! I can’t believe you’re actually considering it. I can’t stand you.

C: Ning-ge, your accent’s a little heavy. LYN: My accent is heavy…? You must not have seen me in too long. It’s my fault, for not streaming. I CAN speak Standard Mandarin, though. LYN: It’s been a long time since I’ve streamed, and usually when I do I use my hometown dialect to make it a more relaxed setting. Maybe the most you’ve seen of me these days is clips from my dramas, and that’s why you think my accent is heavier?

----- Drama - SJYM

C: How did your cameo in SJYM go? LYN: My cameo went fine. Remember- I went to cameo for them. And I also discussed with the producers- “I’ll come to cameo for you, and I don’t particularly care about the name ranking. Just put me at the end, and credit me as, “Supporting actor who shows his face a lot.”” I’m only here to cameo. Friends- in SJYM, I’m really only there to help (in the bg). As long as they credit me as “cameo actor who shows his face a lot: liu yuning” it’s enough for me.

C: Your hoodie is so big! LYN: This isn’t a hoodie, it’s a hat. (song lyrics) Hello, I have a hoodie. (你好, 我有一个帽衫)

C: Was the SJYM armor heavy? LYN: No? It was okay. It was armor, yes, but it wasn’t very heavy. It was hot, though. The weather actually wasn’t that hot yet, but every time they put it on me I would start sweating buckets. It was okay, though. I was thinking, and even asked my staff, “What dramas was I shooting summer of last year??” But thinking back in past years I was shooting the modern dramas in the summer. So in the past two years this is the most recent guzhuang that I’ve shot in the summer at Hengdian. Last year I was shooting um… /can’t remember/. In any case I was never shooting a guzhuang at the hottest time of the year. Cicada Girls and BYOL. This year the heat’s getting to me.

C: Speak English. LYN: How do I know how to speak English?? My English is really bad. 

C: Ning-ge, the sound of the music is too loud. LYN: Oh. Excuse me. I’ll turn it down. // I’ll turn the sound of the mic up and come to a nice equilibrium. 

C: You won’t die in SJYM, will you? LYN: Undetermined. We’ll see how well I get along with the crew as time goes on. If we don’t get along, they’ll make me die. If we do get along, they’ll spare my measly life. C: You can never act as a living person. LYN: Yeah, I’m about ready to start acting in ghost movies. I’ll start acting in horror movies. Out of all the guzhuang dramas I’ve done, for the most part I’ve died in all of them. But of course, it’s because I was acting in supporting roles a lot more before. Who cares if a side character dies? I didn’t feel down about it, because I figured that since I was a support character it didn’t matter too much if I died or not as long as it didn’t delay the main storyline. But then one day I came to act as the main lead- and I still died. Maybe that’s just my fate. 😬

C: Will Li Shiliu take off his mask? LYN: Don’t ask. I haven’t dared to eat much lately. I can’t even eat. I don’t dare to eat any sweets. I’m afraid that I’d get fat. My meal control for this drama has been crazy. In a day, at most I eat two meals and at the least one. What happens if I get hungry? I’ll eat a spring onion with sauce. Maybe some tofu skin or sliced peppers. I don’t dare to gain weight. Why? When I first accepted this drama, I knew that this character would be wearing a mask and I was terrified. Because for anyone who wears a mask, there will definitely be a close-up shot of that mask coming off. LYN: Friends- /sigh/ You get it, right? As long as you wear a mask- it doesn’t matter if you’re a man or woman, old or young, there will be a shot of that mask coming off. We were shooting and one day I came to the realization, “Are we finally shooting the unmasking scene?” The crew confirmed that yes, the mask would be coming off in the next few scenes. Oh no. Here comes the pressure. I immediately went to my car and grabbed the guasha to scrape my face. I needed to get this blood point in the back, to reduce swelling. I gulped half a cup of coffee. Then I called the makeup artist over and asked them to please touch-up the eye makeup, cover my wrinkles, and draw a slightly longer eyeline so my eyes look bigger. I was flustered. LYN: But to my understanding of this drama, this will not be the only scene where I take off the mask. /sigh/ It’s coming for my life. 

LYN: I only went to “cameo” and I’m already being cursed to death. I don’t think it’s worth it. I’m only cameoing in SJYM, and people are so up in arms about it, but I don’t think it’s worth it to be.

C: Will SJYM be real-time sound? LYN: It should be, but we’ll probably also do a little voiceover after editing. A lot of dramas nowadays cannot accomplish a 100% real-time sound, because the filming conditions are limited. It’s not a closed set, available to just your own people. Sometimes you’ll be recording in one room and there’ll be construction in the next room over. Not actual construction, but because lots of different dramas use the same set, so each crew needs to move and set things how they’re going to use it. It can never be 100% real sound- we use what we can then make up for what we can’t in post. That’s the first thing. Real-time sound has strict requirements for set conditions. Having about 80-90% is already very amazing. For the rest of it, we’ll go into the studio in post to make up for it. Even after all the scenes are shot, there’s still editing, and then there’s going through the censors. After the censors, we receive the drama back with what should be changed. Eventually there are going to be parts that need to be done over in the studio. 

C: Has Daimi acted? LYN: I haven’t and I won’t let her. Not to say that as her acting manager, I am limiting her development. For this artist, I help out as much as I can. For example when I was on KSTLB, I put her pictures up on my wall as a chance for exposure. But I won’t let her act. Because it’s actually really hard for a small dog on a drama set. I won’t let her suffer through that. I’m being serious. It’s really tough for a small dog on set. 

----- KSTLB

C: Ning-ge, why do you have a secret identity in every episode of KSTLB? LYN: You’re right. How many eps have aired, now? Four? I was detective/x for 3 and murderer for 1. “X” for three times in a row- I was truly dumbfounded. You know the feeling- knowing who the murderer is, right from the start? In any case, my game experience the first three episodes sucked. But I was happy! As I said, it’s a sweet burden. A TMD burden. Sweet (tian mi de - 甜蜜的). [t/n: you sure you don’t mean Damned (ta ma de - 他妈的)??? XD]

LYN: I think the show arranged for me to be detective in the first three eps because- I functioned as a way to set an example of how to play the game. They arranged for me and the old players to be detectives, because since there are new players, they wanted us to show the process. It shows the trust they had in me. At least that’s what I think. They wanted me to be able to show the process, because we (LYN/ ZKY/BY) had been in the first season, so we had more experience. Later the new players are the detectives. It’s their problem. Maybe I’m a bit more reliable? That’s what /I/ think. It’s what I tell myself when I’m lying on my bed thinking complicated thoughts- to comfort myself. 

LYN: There were a couple episodes where I wasn’t in the best condition, too. You can tell which they are by how little I talk in them. If I went to record when I was tired, my brain didn’t have enough time to process. Sometimes I had off days.

LYN: A lot of people like to take the scene where I am scared out of my wits to make fun of me. Some of you might be thinking, “Ning-ge, you’re so tall. Why are you so afraid when the lights go out? Is it worth it?? What’s wrong with you, a 30+ year old man??!” “You’re almost 40, how can you be so afraid of the dark??” It’s like this, friends- there’s a problem with my eyes. First of all, they’re small. That means that my ability to absorb light is a bit weaker than the average person. I also have astigmatism. My eyes are bad- I have astigmatism. Secondly, I can’t see very well at night. It makes me dizzy. When the lights go out I really can’t see anything at all. Some people have the ability to absorb light better, and at least they can make out the barest outlines of things. But I can’t see ANYTHING when the lights go out. It’s KNOWING that your eyes are open but not being able to see- the uncertainty of it that terrifies me. Also, I need to be grabbing something before I feel safe. I’m terrified of someone suddenly popping up and touching me. I’d lose my soul. My soul would just leave my body and disperse. That’s what terrifies me the most. LYN: I’m not afraid of ghosts- I know that there isn’t anything scare in this program. I’m just afraid of the jump-scare. For example, if we’re all quiet… and then someone suddenly yells. That scares me. The sudden fright of it. 

C: Ning-ge, if you’re afraid of the dark, don’t tell me you leave a light on when you sleep at night? LYN: /laughs/ I’m not that afraid, because it’s MY HOUSE. I have a sense of security there. It’s not like I’m sleeping on the streets! If I were sleeping on the street, I’d definitely be afraid. At home, with the doors locked, I’m safe and I know that no one is going to suddenly pat me on the shoulder. LYN: What are you talking about??? In your case I wouldn’t even be able to sleep because once I close my eyes it’s dark and I’d be afraid. You must be crazy.

----- Concert

C: My piggybanks are already full. When are you holding your concert? LYN: Soon. Don’t shatter* your piggybank just yet. Keep it for now. When my concert opens, you can smash it open then and start buying your tickets. [t/n: they way he said “shatter/break to pieces” (摔碎), reminded me of when he said it as Xiazi and LYH laughed at the heavy accent.] - C: Hello. I’m a new fan. LYN: Mn. Welcome.  - C: I won’t be able to get any tickets! LYN: I’m not as popular as you think I am! Don’t worry, you will definitely be able to get one. It may not be the seat that you want- those who are better off might want something in the front row and they might face some competition- but if you buy something in the very back row, you should be able to get it. You’ll be able to get something, don’t worry. C: Ning-ge, you’re super popular! You just don’t know it. LYN: 去你的! I’m not-

LYN: This season of KSTLB is a totally new gameplay. I had a lot of fun recording and I hope you’re having fun watching it. I’ll also skim through the show and check out the comments. Everyone is pretty interesting and we made a good group. I think Thursday is the ep where Jin Jing comes (E5).

LYN: The previous concert tour was in 2019, or 2018 right? I forgot. 2019, right? And the last stop was Wuhan- all the tickets were sold. I’ve been thinking about this. Because I was supposed to hold my last stop there, but then because of the pandemic it was postponed. I didn’t hold the concert, but the tickets were already sold. I had told you at the time that you could ask for a refund and we would give it to you, but up until this day I don’t think anyone has. Of course, it made me happy to know that you didn’t want to refund it. But- because it’s been 4-5 years since then, is there anyone out there who forgot to get their refund, or have since stopped being my fan? Is there anyone out there like that? I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone posting about having a ticket and wanting to sell it. LYN: I just want to ask- how many of you watching right now have tickets for the Wuhan stop that never happened, that you didn’t get a refund for? Are any of you here? If you are, press “1”.  I want to see how many of you there are. I’m just worried about people who have a ticket but stopped being my fan, and don’t care about the money they had spent. If they wanted to, they could have.

LYN: If I’m going to hold another concert tour, I will definitely make up for that stop. I owe you one. I was thinking I would do one day for makeup, plus an additional day. Two stops in Wuhan. IF I hold it, that’s how I want it to go. LYN: I was just thinking about it, is all. Honestly, there aren’t any plans set because my filming schedule is a bit much and I don’t want to think much about what comes after. I was just thinking about whether I should accept another drama for after SJYM or not. If I don’t, then I would hold my concert. If I do, then I’d probably… not hold it this year. I don’t know becauseI haven’t set anything yet, so that’s why I don’t want to make any promises. LYN: If I accept another drama for the latter half of the year, then I will definitely hold my concert next year. This year is already half gone, so I’d hold the concert next year. If I don’t accept another drama… I don’t know what my condition will be like. But since I haven’t taken a break from filming, I could probably use some rest and get ready for the tour. 

C: Lao-da, your dramas waiting to be aired is a little advanced. LYN: See? Other than the 90% of you who are visual-fans /laughs/, I still have some career-fans. They hope that my career continues it’s upwards growth. “Ning-ge, your waitlisted dramas are in trouble, because you’re running out of stock.” /sigh/ It’s true there aren’t many left. Including the one I’m currently filming, I only have four. LYN: You don’t need to worry, because I have my own plans. I’ll see when the time comes, as nothing is set. C: I used to be a career-fan. LYN: Don’t worry about it. My career- I’m well aware of it. I don’t know about other people, but I don’t need you to push me on it. Maybe some people need it, and you were here planning to supervise my work like, “Ning-ge, instead of doing nothing at home, wouldn’t it be better for you to find a job or event to do?? You’re not accepting dramas. You’re not releasing albums.” etc. They’re worried for me, but I really don’t need it. LYN: If I go three days without work- whether that’s recording, or filming, or meetings/anything related to work- I get anxious. I’m guessing I would probably stream for three days straight instead. “I won’t have any work for three days, I should stream!” I’m that type of person. So, you don’t have to worry for me and be concerned that I’m not accepting jobs. You don’t need to do that. I’m a little intense. 

LYN: As long as it doesn’t kill me, I will work until I die. LYN: But I’m not trying to brag about how hard I work by saying that! I just… I’m afraid of not having work. It’s that simple. I’m not working hard, and it doesn’t have to do with how much hard work I’m doing. I’m just afraid of not having work, afraid that this industry won’t need me anymore. Even though it doesn’t need me very much right now, either.

----- Misc

C: Please wish me success on my gaokao. LYN: Okay, I saw your message. I want to tell everyone who will soon take the gaokao to work hard, don’t be nervous, and I hope you get good scores. Jiayou!

C: Ning-ge, I’m celebrating my birthday today. LYN: I’d also like to wish you a Happy Birthday, and hope that everything goes smoothly in the next year of your life. I hope your work is smooth, your learning is smooth, and everything goes by without a hitch. I hope that you are successful at whatever you are striving towards.

C: Lao-da, why are your eyes a little red? LYN: I just cried. I- No, forget it. Let me change a reason. I opened up the corners of my eyes a little (with surgery).

LYN: Of course, I wish all of you happiness.

C: I want to hear 奉上. LYN: I don’t know what my condition is like today. I’m not sure I can sing it well. But I can try. - /making noises/ LYN: I’m testing the sound. I don’t mean anything by it. LYN: I feel like I haven’t sung in a long time. - /turns on a effect that immediately zooms in on his face/ LYN: You don’t need to do that. It’s so big. (his face) -- 奉上 (Offer) - A Journey to Love OST LYN: I haven’t adjusted my mic in a long time, so I’m not sure how that sounded. / What’s wrong with the track? C: The bg music was super loud. LYN: Oh, sorry!

LYN: Every time I finish singing a song, there’s someone in the chat who says, “Old but still vigorous.” /sigh/ Because I’ve been acting lately, the fact that I’m even able to still sing means that I’m “old but vigorous”, is that it? I’ll pretend you mean that in a good way.

C: Sun Lang is here. LYN: Li Huan is here? Welcome! If I were streaming from my phone, I would have asked to connect but I’m streaming from my computer today. I can’t do it on my computer. The next time I stream using my phone, Huan, if you come we should connect and chat. 

bgm: 莫问前程 (Don’t Ask About the Future) - White Cat Legend OST

C: Ning-ge, it’s about time to cut your hair. LYN: What do you care?! I’m shooting a drama and I don’t really have time or occasion to go out and get my hair cut. And I… don’t really dare to go out around Hengdian to get it cut. XD No- I have someone I go to, to get my hair cut. When I go to Beijing or Shanghai- I have hairdressers that I know. If I say it that way, it’s okay right? There are stylists I’m more familiar with, and when I have time I’ll get them to cut it. But for now, I’ll just leave it.C: The sound of the mic is very small. LYN: Is it really that bad?? /troubleshooting/ Is there no change? /sigh/ Sorry. - /continues trying to adjust the settings/ C: When the background music is on, the speaking sound is too little. // There’s no change. LYN: Oh, the background music is too loud? It should be fine now, right? Is the sound loud enough?? It should be good now, right? / Ok, I got it. The bgm was too loud. LYN: Maybe that’s the atmosphere I wanted to create- like you’re in a bar. I just want the music to flood your ears. Here, even though you’re watching a stream, I want you to feel like you’re clubbing. Let me find some music, so you can feel it properly. - /picks a song he calls “off-putting” to start/ - /the next song he looks like he’s in pain??/ LYN: OMG. I haven’t been out in a long time, does it all sound like this? I don’t feel like this is clubbing music. This is like those scooters with speakers on the back of it. There are all sorts of lights and leds on it, and a speaker on the back. This is the type of music that would play on those things. I’m not trying to say that I’m high maintenance or anything, but I don’t think I can accept this type of music. - /plays a new one - Mike Candys - Aliens/ LYN: This one is starting off okay, with the English from the start. // This one’s okay! - /clubbing/ C: I can’t hear you talking. LYN: I’m not talking, though?!

C: What about the lights? LYN: My normal streaming isn’t enough anymore, and now I have to arrange a flashing disco ball too? So that you can get hyped up? Sorry- I can’t do it. I can’t help you with that. - C: Ning-ge, you’re trending at #33. LYN: It’s for something good, right? Is it something positive or is someone making fun of me? Which is it? … What’s the topic? “LYN Livestream”? Oh, then that’s okay. - LYN: I just hope to make a stream with the right mood. I think that no matter what you’re doing, that atmosphere is the most important. Think about it- why is it that when you’re watching dramas and the two leads are about to kiss that there’s the mood for it in the scene? It’s because of all the lights and the filters that work together to make the scene, right? If you see two people kissing on the street, will you feel like you’re watching two leads in a drama? No. That’s why- everything needs that atmosphere/mood. 

LYN: What happened, the sound is small again? /adjusting/ I know. It should be fine now. I just forgot to adjust one of the settings. If it’s still small… I’ll take off my head and give it to you. I’m that confident.

bgm: 잘자요 아가씨 (晚安大小姐) - ASMRZ

C: The sound of the music is loud. LYN: It’s still loud? I saw someone type earlier that if you’re listening with headphones, there’s no problem. If that’s the case, why don’t you grab a pair? I’ve already adjusted things to their limit. Can you grab pair of headphones? So we don’t… keep wronging ourselves. // Is the sound still low? I really don’t believe you. I’m going to go into my own stream to check it out. I don’t know what’s wrong. How can it be like this? There’s no way. LYN: Is it okay? I think it should be. You can blame me for earlier. I rather think it’s too loud, so I’ll adjust it lower. It’s okay now. There’s no problem. Let me save these settings, as long as you think it’s comfortable to listen to. That way next time I won’t have to mess with it again. [t/n: the L-R balance is off… >.>] - /more complaints from the chat, driving him crazy/ LYN: Is it okay now? Is there no end to this?? I’ve totally lost my streaming condition. I’ll stop streaming. Goodnight, everyone. Goodnight, ladies. Lao-mei, it’s time to go to sleep. C: Our ears are the problem. LYN: No, it has nothing to do with you; you don’t need to make it your problem. It IS my problem. I had reset the system, because my streams would lag before.

C: 光束一夜黑. LYN: 黑夜一束光, lao-mei!! A lot of people know this song from the variety show, but they don’t know what the original sounds like. I’ll sing it for you- 光束一夜黑. -- 黑夜一束光 (Praying) LYN: Forget it. Because I can’t be sure of how you’re hearing it, so I don’t really dare to sing. C: The sound is low. LYN: See? It’s low again. Whatever. Listen for entertainment. I won’t keep messing with it, since this equipment sensitive.

----- break #1 bgm: 落了白 (Falling White) - Jiang Xue’er

C: The speaking volume is too low. LYN: Are you going to keep on with this?? Is it low? It shouldn’t be. I’m sure it’s not. If it’s still low, it’s your problem. C: Whenever you sing, it goes low. LYN: I can hear the white noise so loudly, and you think the volume’s low?? That’s a little strange…I don’t know… /clicking/  which settings…/clicking/ It shouldn’t be low now. It’s just right. C: I’m not using the headphones because the sound’s too loud. LYN: /laughing/ What should we do with this?? LYN: /deep sigh/ Whatever, it is what it is. As long as you can hear me speaking, it’s fine. For singing, I’ll have to come here earlier on another day and fix the settings properly. As long as you can hear me fine when chatting, it doesn’t matter. Once all this equipment is out of sync, then my whole streaming mood is gone. It’s okay as long as you can hear clearly. I need to fix the settings; for now I just won’t sing.

C: Talk about TXJ. LYN: The climax is over. The time to talk about it has passed. In any case, I died again. It’s quite good.

C: Ning-ge, can you wish me luck on the gaokao? LYN: About hald an hour ago, I already did. When the stream is over you can watch the playback. That part where I wished everyone success on their gaokao- that part was for you. Okay?

C: Watching Zhuo Bufan made me cry. LYN: Yes, he does have a sad ending. I also felt emotional, watching it myself. That drama, including this year, was filmed about three years ago. At the time my biggest challenge was doing fight scenes. He fights too much and for no reason! As soon as two people meet, they start fighting. They want to spar for no reason. Every time I go into a new crew, I come out learning something. With that drama my biggest improvement was in how to do fight scenes. 

C: You’re trending at # 8. LYN: ?? /checking/ LYN: /sigh/ LYN: I think you must be mistaken. The #8 I’m seeing is “Elder Princess and Second Prince _ The Crazies Meet” [Joy of Life topic] The Second Prince… Liu Duanduan, right? I’m Liu Yuning. You were mistaken. Yes, we are both named “Liu”. - /explaining the sub-categories in the “Trending” tab/ LYN: I’m trending at #40. You can’t even figure out how to work weibo?? In your “my trending” tab, I’m at #8? That means that I must be ranked #8 in your heart, too. “My trending” filters it down to only people or things that you follow. C: Ning-ge, in my trending topics you’re at #1. LYN: For that person earlier, I was #8. Who are the first seven artists? I want their names! LYN: You must have climbed the wall in (came from another fandom).

C: Ning-ge, when will the KSTLB all-cast air? LYN: Who released that news? I don’t think there will be a livestream, I haven’t heard anything of it. What stream? There isn’t one, right? I don’t know- no one has told me.

C: Ning-ge, you’re #18 on my list. LYN: … Get out. I know there aren’t many people here to begin with, but we will not miss you. When I open the doors to do business, I hope all those who come are kind, and not here to wreck shop. For example, if I had a restaurant and I just delivered your dish to you, and you say, “Chef, your dish isn’t that great.” I would be thinking, “Then don’t eat. Leave.”

C: Can you wish me luck on my finals? LYN: Sure. I wish you luck on your finals. I hope everything goes well for you and for those taking the college entrance exam. I hope you get into your ideal school and location. I’m sure you will succeed. Jiayou. You can do it. 

C: Ning-ge, I’ve been chasing you for four years, now. Could you look back at me? LYN: /literally looks behind him/ LYN: Where are you? LYN: /looks over his other shoulder/ LYN: You’re not there… C: Lift your head and look at me. LYN: /laughs/ 

LYN: Wang Youshuo is here? Welcome, welcome! Let me introduce him- WYS. He’s an actor I am working with on this drama and he’s great. I’m happy to have him. Welcome! LYN: Next time, I really should use my phone to stream. When I do, some of my friends will come. Even if they don’t want to be on stream, I can force them to come and exchange a few words and chat. Force them a little bit. But I can’t do it on my computer. :(

C: Ning-ge, I’m a student-fan. I’m doing my homework. LYN: Focus on your homework. A lot of people use my stream as background noise; you can just leave me to the side. Work on whatever you need to, and just leave your phone playing. Do your homework. Work comes first. If you want to chat about anything, you can type it into the comments and we’ll chat. I’ve got nothing else going on today, so I’ll stay and chat. 

C: Gossip, gossip, gossip! LYN: I asked about what you wanted to talk about, and you say, “gossip”?? They’re going crazy. Can you see them in the chat, spamming “gossip”? You must think that since I’m an insider, I know a lot of things, right? You want to ask me about other artist’s secrets? Even my own secrets? Is that what you mean? You want me to publicly (on stream) engage in gossip. You must be crazy. Have you gone crazy or have I? LYN: But, in this industry it’s true that you will come to know about a lot of things. Including which dramas will be airing, and who they’ve fixed as cast and for what. You’ll hear the news about this type of drama stuff.

C: I’ve watched 50+ of your streams and have not engaged once. LYN: Find some sense of self. The reason I’m here right now- instead of sleeping, playing games, or doing other things like watching a movie or drama- the reason I’m streaming is to keep you company. I’ve done all of this to pay attention to you, so the least you could do is reciprocate. Let’s interact. Exist in the moment. LYN: There are a countless number of you out there, and you collectively make up the mood of my stream. You are included in that collective. All the words I am saying to you now, are also being said to everyone watching. Did you want to add me on WeChat and talk one on one?? And then when you’re ready to sleep, should I say to you, “Yare, yare~ Miss, go to sleep.” Should I wait on you??

------- Advice

C: Xiao Ning, ah- LYN: You must be a jiejie, to call me that. I suddenly felt like I’ve gotten a lot younger. C: Xiao Ning, if you encounter some inconvenient/troublesome/annoying things, how do you relieve yourself? LYN: Wow, this question. This is the type of question with sustenance that adults should be asking. Not like you others who only wanted gossip. You only like the useless things, but look at this jiejie’s question: When you feel like you’re under pressure, how do you release it? This is a really good question.

LYN: How do I mediate? My choice is not to mediate. In my opinion, I feel like a person’s life is just one problem, one pressure, one after another. I don’t have any way of dispelling that pressure. The most I do is get a good sleep. After I wake up, I face the problem. Whether it can be solved or not is a different story. I have to bravely face it first.

C: Xiao Ning, are you trying to become a mood streamer? LYN: /laughs/ A mood streamer?? I sure do have a lot of personal moods. 

C: How do I persevere at work? LYN: This friend is probably working now, and wants to know how they can persevere, right? I mean… what else can you do? You should work. People should be working. Unless you come from a good family, and your parents have money enough to indulge you while you laze around at home, playing games and enjoying life. If that’s the case, then you can play. That’s a blessing the heavens gave to you. But if you are in a situation where your family can’t help you, then you should be working hard and going to work so you can earn money to live. What else can you do? We’re all the same.

LYN: There was someone earlier who asked if I wanted to be a “qing xu” (mood) streamer, but they probably typed wrong and meant “qing gan” (emotion) streamer. I think people took it seriously, and really are coming to ask me questions. Friends, I can’t explain anything to you. Please don’t take it seriously. The stream is for joking around. LYN: Someone just asked me, “Ning-ge, what should I do if I don’t score well on my college entrance exam?” I can’t give you the correct answer. I can only tell you that university it not necessarily the most important thing. It’s also a turning point in your life, but it’s not the most important choice you will ever need to make in life. You might not score well. Look at me- I’m just a cook. I don’t dare to say that I’m doing well in life right now, but I may be a cook only have a high school education, but as of this moment I can also be an emotional streamer. Right? If I can’t do anything else, at the very least I can be an emotional streamer right now. But I (officially) learned how to be a cook. This might only be a small point in your life, and there are countless opportunities on your future path. As long as you keep looking forward to the work you’ll do and the people you’ll meet, you will come to face a new turning point. 

LYN: Someone asked me a question that truly touched me: C: How do I give rockets to the streamer?  LYN: /laughs/ I’m so touched. Earlier I got “I don’t want to work”, and now I have “How do I send rockets?” YOU are the true emotional streamer. You have comforted me. It’s like this- I don’t care to make a profit off of weibo. So, 1. I don’t advertise or try to market influence you, and the gift-giving function is closed on my stream. My stream is just a space for me to chat with my fans or people who know me. I don’t accept gifts. But, I do have some brand collaborations. I am spokesperson for a number of brands. Jewelry and accessories comes from Pomellato. If you want to buy something, you can check them out. Skin and haircare comes from L’Oreal. If you want to drink some yogurt, I am also Chunzhen’s spokesperson. I’m pretty good with them, so you can buy some Chunzhen yogurt and the like. Eat, drink. Okay? LYN: But when you’re checking out- you know how you asked about rockets? When you’re checking out of the store, you can tell the clerk or make note that your purchase was a “rocket meant for LYN.” Later I’ll go and check. Okay? That’s enough for me.

C: Ning-ge, when you look into the camera, it’s like we’re meeting eyes. LYN: /laughs/ I need to prepare some bgm for this… - /~~ You Are My Destiny ~~ … but missed the right timing./ LYN: It’s not this one! Oh, no. It’s flopped. Why didn’t she sing…? [t/n: he’s got the instrumental track…] LYN: AWKWARD. LYN: Let me search again. // Ok, here we go. - /~~ ₊˚✧ ﾟ You Are My Destiny ₊˚✧ ﾟ~~/ C: Sweet pretty boy suddenly became greasy old boy. LYN: Apologies, I am the performance-type. 

C: Recommend a drama to me! LYN: You want me to recommend you a drama? Um… there are a lot of hot airing dramas right now, you should go onto your preferred platform and do a search. I have an airing drama right now called TXJ, you can check it out. Check out TXJ; it’s airing on Tencent and iQIYI. Go have a look. C: Ge, do you have a long contract with Tencent? LYN: Yeah? I have a long contract with Tencent, iQIYI, Youku, Mango… At least that’s my wish. I hope they can continue to use me for a long time. That’s the wish I made for my birthday- that these platforms will continue to use me. So in my heart, I think of our relationship as a long collaboration. LYN: Even though up to this point I haven’t had a drama on Mango TV, I’m sure that in the future we will have a very long collaboration. That’s what I hope for, at least. I hope someone wants me to act in their drama.

C: Why is your sense of crisis so strong? LYN: That’s just the way this industry is. Actually, it applies to any industry. I will always remember a saying, even though I’ve said it many times before, I think every industry is the same. “逆水行舟，不进则退” (Like rowing a boat upstream, if you stop moving forward you fall back.) If you really like your current conditions or become satisfied with the way things are, it’s possible that you will be replaced or eliminated over time. Even when you’re trying your hardest, you’re not necessarily going to be able to keep up with the flow. So that’s why you should always strive to be more active (and move forward).  

-----

C: What’s on your face? LYN: I didn’t remove this when I was wiping my makeup earlier. This is a tattoo I have in my current drama. 

C: The volume is low again. LYN: It’s okay, I’ll adjust the settings later.

C: What did the champagne taste like when you attended that event earlier in the month? LYN: How can I describe the flavor of champagne to you? You really have to taste carefully, with champagne. You have to open up your whole palate to taste it in detail. Let me tell you how it tastes- like champagne. Do you understand? If you want to know how champagne tastes when it hits your mouth, I’ll tell you it tastes purely like champagne. What did you expect to hear?

C: What does beer taste like? LYN: It tastes like beer! C: What does a cucumber taste like? LYN: Tastes like a cucumber! LYN: What nonsense is this?? How could you ask me what champagne tastes like??? I’m at a loss!

C: Didn’t you down it in one go? LYN: What you mean to say is I was like Zhu Bajie eating the renshen fruit, who swallowed it in one go and didn’t have a chance to taste it, is that what you mean??? I drank it too quickly, and couldn’t even tell you what it tasted like? I mean… when it goes down the aftertaste is also the same taste- of champagne. I give up. C: Was it sweet? LYN: A little bit.

C: Lao-da, did you get drunk? LYN: It wasn’t enough to get me drunk, but dizzy. A glass of champagne isn’t enough to get me drunk, but I was super dizzy. 

bgm: 撞地球 (Earth Collision) by Yu Er Qi

C: I’m sleepy. Goodnight. LYN: If any of you are sleepy, you should go to sleep. I’m sure that you are- um… em… forget it. I would have made a snarky comment before, but now I don’t dare to. LYN: WHAT TIME IS IT, AND YOU WANT TO SLEEP? IT’S 10PM, AND YOU WANT TO SLEEP??? Do you spend your life away in dreams? 10pm to a young person is the time we are only just starting to wake up. Have you heard the song, “If I were a DJ, would you love me?” LYN: If I were a DJ, would you love me? I really want to ask you. bgm: 午夜DJ LYN: It went to my head for no reason. I haven’t even had any champagne. - C: Sleeping so early? LYN: It’s okay to go to sleep now, because early to sleep and early to rise is good for your health, right? Have a good sleep. Goodnight. LYN: Friends- that person went to sleep, right? Now I’m going to tell you something that will become today’s BIG gossip story. Friends- that person went to sleep, right? Ok. When that person has gone to sleep for five minutes, I’ll tell you the hottest gossip in the entertainment circle today. This is the biggest thing I’ve heard since I’ve entered this circle; I’ll share with you. But that person has gone to sleep, right? It’s okay- we’re not in a rush. Let’s let them get to bed, and I’ll tell you after they fall asleep. C: I knew you would say that!  LYN: You’ve seen me through. This is already a recurring program. Whenever anyone wants to leave my stream early, I’ll reveal some exposing gossip.

C: The yxh is saying that you’ll start your tour in Sep. LYN: ?? I haven’t even heard of that. They’re saying LYN will start his tour in Sep? As LYN himself, I didn’t even know about it. Because this drama is going to take me until at least October. Why don’t I just take a tour around set and sing to the props, lighting, wardrobe, and makeup laoshi? If I go around to the different departments, that counts as a tour, right?  C: A different yxh is saying summer vacation of next year. LYN: Summer vacation of next year?? I mean, they’re bound to blindly guess correctly. They’re predicting. If you find 12 yxh accounts, and each one of them claims a month, starting from September-Oct-Nov-Dec-Jan-etc.- all the way up until Sep 2025, one of them is going to be right. Then, when I actually start my tour, you’ll think, “Oh! They got it right! This account is so accurate.” This is just like fortune-telling. It’s all about probability.

C: Is the second album finished yet? LYN: No, it hasn’t. But I have a new plan for my EP. /laughs/ Inexplicably. I’ve been too busy with this crew. I found that once I enter a crew, pretty much all work on my album comes to a pause. I don’t have enough time for it all.

C: It’s been five minutes. Where’s the gossip? LYN: The gossip is- this is the biggest thing going around the entertainment industry right now- friends, let me tell you. Liu Yuning might hold his concert tour next year. /struggles to keep a straight face/ LYN: Isn’t that exciting? Of course, it’s like this- if you care about it, you’ll think it’s big news. If you don’t care about it, then it has nothing to do with you. Just like most things on the internet- it has nothing to do with me. I don’t worry about it, because it’s none of my business. 

LYN: Someone said Wang Jialuo (Pang Hanchen) is here? Here to apologize?? LYN: Welcome, Pang Hanchen~! LYN: Wang Jialuo! My senior brother is dead. The Rongtian Sword Sect has perished. Can’t you just let me go?? C: You scared him to death. LYN: Nah, that’s unwarranted. It’s all cool. Actors are actors, and characters are characters. For a character to be known or hated by everyone, that just means that the role was worth remembering. It means that an actor performed well. 

C: We’re too into the story. LYN: No, you can’t be like that. Separate actors from the characters they play. It’s because I’ve lived through this already. When I first started acting, it was as the villain. I would be the one harming the main character. I was always the villain, the bad guy. But I don’t think Wang Jialuo can be considered either a bad or a good guy. You can’t use good/bad to judge the man. But at the start, I was this type of “bad guy.” I remember my very first drama- it was a pretty big project- and I was just happy to be an actor. All of the comments I received were those yelling/cursing at me. “Why is this character such a abad person? I’m sure LYN himself is as well.” “He LOOKS like he would play a villain.” /sigh/ 

LYN: Dunming is here, too? My da-shixiong, Yu Huanjie? LYN: No- I just want to tell them that I’m streaming from my computer today, so I can’t connect. Next time, we should get the actors together for a stream and to chat. We can do a livestream. I was thinking of calling them over the last time I did a group livestream, for the drama promotion. But I want to call them over so you all can yell at them. Put them under public scrutiny. But there’s no helping it, you can only ridicule them in your hearts.

LYN: The two of them (PHC & ZDM) are both very excellent actors. You can tell by watching the drama- the only reason these two characters strike a nerve with people and are hated to the core is because the actors themselves are great. C: They acted too well; I really hate them. LYN: /sigh/ In any case, the two of you (PHC & ZDM) should take care when you go out these days. If you are plotted against on the streets, it’s understandable.

C: Ning-ge, I just went to Taobao to get rockets for you. LYN: You didn’t need to!! I was just joking. But if you truly NEED those products, you can go ahead and purchase some. Because they are products I am a spokesperson for. If you need it, you can buy it. I am not forcing you, by telling you in my stream that you SHOULD go to Taobao and buy these things for me. It’s not necessary. LYN: Thank you for your support, though. LYN: At the Pomellato event, I saw many of you taking bags home. I can tell that you have money~ I saw you with such small bags and thought, “Mn. Nice.” It makes me look good. XD - LYN: The event was in Shanghai, right? Every time I go to Shanghai I’ll shop around, and encounter my fans. I personally like shopping. I like to buy clothes, because I’ll wear what I buy when I go to any event or function, and even my daily clothes. I don’t often ask brands if I could borrow or rent their clothing. For the most part- 90% of the clothes I own I bought myself. So, I really like shopping and especially for clothes. I’ll always go to the Pomelleto shop- becasuse there’s one there- and secretly take a selfie and leave. But I guess I do it kind of suspiciously, because the clerks always squint at me like this: /imitates/ “What’s that guy doing at the entrance??” C: Release the pic! LYN: I will! Do you want to see them? Let me look.  // There’s really not much to look at. I won’t be posting it, because I wasn’t wearing any makeup.

C: Send it to the weibo group chat. LYN: Ok. How about this- I’m streaming today, but tomorrow I won’t be able to keep you company, so I will post it then. Perfunctorily. Oops- I said my inside thoughts out loud. C: Is this also a “pie”? LYN: It’s just a picture, why would it become a “pie”?? I can’t with you. C: I really like this type of half-heartedness. LYN: ?!? C: Ning-ge, if you don’t post it tomorrow I will tear down the shed. LYN: I’ll post it to the group tomorrow.

C: Ning-ge, are you still alive at the end of TXJ? LYN: Go watch it for yourself. I can’t give you any spoilers. If I tell you I live, you might not think it’s very exciting. If I tell you I die, you might be sad. So you should go watch for yourself. I won’t be telling you any spoilers. Some people are alive but dead to others. Some people die but live on in our hearts.

bgm: 莫问前程 (Don’t Ask About the Future) - White Cat Legend OST

C: Ning-ge, have you been to Chengdu? LYN: I’ve been there. I also shot a drama there. BYOL with Tao-jie was shot in Chengdu. I was there for a long time. C: Have you been to London. LYN: I think I’ve been there… have I? I think I went to Paris. I’ve forgotten what cities I’ve been to. It should have been London- I shot a commercial there before. I haven’t really been out of the country, so I don’t have a good concept of it. I collaborate with a number of brands, and sometimes they will ask me to attend their events, but I never go. I don’t really like going in that direction. So I… haven’t much been out of the country. C: Do you want to go traveling? LYN: Not really? I haven’t really thought about what specific country I’d like to visit, rather I think about amusement parks. I just want to go to an amusement park and it doesn’t matter where. // I’ve been to a lot, because every time I go to a city I’ll ask about them. Then I’ll look up whether they’re fun or not. If they’re not then I won’t go. 

C: Chengdu Disney is waiting for you to come play. LYN: Chengdu…? You’re talking about… Chengdu Disney??? I didn’t mishear you, right? This joke is already long over, and you’re only cueing me now?? - [t/n: some meme reference?] LYN: It’s been about a month since that joke has passed. C: You know of it? LYN: I’m a singer, still. For things related to song/rap, that’s still within my circle. I still follow music related things. 

bgm: 拂晓 (Dawn) - Harbin 1944 OST

C: When will you go record the music variety? LYN: I don’t know. I’m waiting for the other part to update me with the itinerary. But I might not have the time to record it. It depends on my time in the crew. If I could take the time away I’ll do to record it. If I can’t take time I’ll just have to work with them the next time. It’s all still being planned.

bgm: 别梦寒 (Don’t Dream of the Cold) - A Journey to Love OST

C: I want to hear the previous song. LYN: I was afraid to play this song because I didn’t want you to be sleepy. It’s too sad (of a song). Plus, it’s almost 11p.

----- break #2 LYN: ?! It lagged for a bit there and gave me a fright. I was afraid my computer was frozen.

C: Who won and who lost? LYN: The neighbors? … The volume on their tv was up too high. The neighbors are watching TXJ, and it was right at the part where ZBF and MSD were exchanging blows. They were loath to part, making all sorts of noise. So I just decided to come back. 

C: Trending topic #4. LYN: Who are you trying to trick with that? Is it “My Trending Topics” again? C: You dropped of the Trending list. LYN: … That’s hurtful, isn’t it? Look at other people- those more amazing people- who can get a trending topic as they wish. It’s so easy for them to get a trending topic. But then there’s me. I’ve been chatting with you for (close to) three hours now and I’m only at #40. /corrects himself/ I’m not even on the list. C: Ge. You were at #39 and then dropped off after a while. LYN: That’s why I have to continue to work hard. C: Trending at #4. You’re on it. LYN: What is it? /goes to check/ LYN: In MY “My Trending Topics” I actually am at #4. If I’m at #4 in my own list… What is “LYN unmasking PTSD”? What does “PTSD” mean?? P-T-S-D? 胖头 (Pàng Tóu = fat head)... /laughs/ “Post Traumatic Stress Disorder”, is it? - /trying to read all the responses to “what does “ptsd” mean?”/ LYN: Okay now, all you “doctors”. Thank you, Doctor.

C: TXJ is really good! Ning-ge, shoot more dramas like this one. LYN: I actually do like this type of drama. But next time I just hope that I can have more scenes. I haven’t had enough. - /trying to remember his opening narration/character intro/

C: Ning-ge, I’m on vacation in Sanya. Will you come? LYN: What?? You’re on vacation in Sanya, and you’re asking if I’ll go? What type of job do you think I have? Huh? Do you think I’m like… a companion you can bring along like in HoK? Even if I do go, you can’t just ask me like this so openly. How could I promise you, then? Even though I am in a type of customer service industry right now, I don’t think I can do that type of service. I hope you have a fun time in Sanya. I hope you enjoy it. I won’t be going, as I have a drama to shoot. C: Should we contact your studio instead? LYN: No, no. I’m not going! LYN: Do you all know what the “contact my studio” thing is? I used to joke- someone had asked me before, “If I gave you 100k RMB, would you give me a bath/scrub?” I told them to contact my studio. XD It was a joke. I could make jokes like that three years ago, but now I don’t dare to make any such jokes. Everything goes online. People KNOW it’s fake, but they will still post it and make you a target for a round of ridicule. 

C: People have no sense of humor. LYN: It’s not that they don’t have a sense of humor, they do. They just don’t like me. They don’t like me, yet they continue to look out for news on me. There’s a group of people out there who do nothing but watch me like hawks. For example, they might be more eager to watch my stream than my actual fans are. They’re just looking for a loophole or a slip, some topic that they can turn into a point of discussion. With that, they’re happy. They’re so happy to curse people, even for one or two sentences. They’re just looking for people who resonate with them. LYN: But I can understand these types of people, too. I have a feeling that 20-30 years later, sometime within the next 30 years, these people will have a moment where they realize they actually like me. In 30 years they will have grown, matures, seen all the world has to offer, and their hearts will become good. When they look back, they’ll realize that I was the one who kept them company for the past 30 years. I’m waiting for that day to come, when they have matured and their hearts have calmed. The day they don’t think of harming others first, they will look back and realize that I have spent the past 30 years with them. It doesn’t matter if they cursed or ridiculed me for those 30 years, I was still there. Without me, how else would they have expressed their dissatisfaction with the world, or unhappiness and pressure from work?

LYN: Seriously. Friends, let’s wait and see. I’m sure there are some people watching my stream right now, who don’t like me and are ready to ridicule me. Maybe they hate me. Maybe they think I’m ugly. Maybe, somehow I am not good enough for them. Let’s make a 30-year agreement. Trust me. I guarantee you. In 30 years, or one day within the next 30 years, there will come a day where you love me. LYN: Let’s swear on it. [t/n: I am now noticing I really like the shape of this sweater. (wide sleeves)] - C: Can you go at 2x speed? LYN: Are you crazy?!? I’m LIVEstreaming. You have to cherish every word- Are you really that bored?? You have to put it at 2x speed in order to watch? - LYN: Just like how the Bodhi and Dharma successors (TXJ) had a 30-year agreement, antis and I are the same. Antis, let’s make a 30-year agreement, okay? I’m sure that in thirty years we will become people who sincerely know and love each other. 

C: You’re an old actor already, and yet you (break character to) laugh?? LYN: It had nothing to do with old or not old- I’m just impressed by how I could even think of such a thing (as the 30-year agreement). LYN: I look insane.

C: Ning-ge, in 30 years I’ll be eighty. LYN: What about it? It’s okay. LYN: Have you turned yourself in, though? Did that count as turning yourself in? “Ning-ge, I’m an anti and I can’t wait for you another 30 years. I’ll be eighty by then. I can’t hold on much longer.” You’ve confessed? Or do you mean that in 30 years you’ll be eighty, but you want to live to see that day that antis and I finally come to peace? C: Ning-ge, in 30 years I’ll be forty-five. LYN: :| … It’s a good thing that the presents are closed, otherwise I’d be afraid of being accused of soliciting money from minors. What time is it? 11pm. You should be sleeping. Fifteen years old and you’re watching my stream?? You should know better. Quickly go and rest. Go to sleep. Study well. C: Ning-ge, in 30 years, I’ll be eight. LYN: /laughs/ You- did I misread that? What does that mean? In 30 years you’ll be eight??? How does that math work??

------ Bathhouses (how did we get here??)

C: Ning-ge, how do you bathe/scrub in the South? LYN: In the South… I do it to myself. I’m originally from Northeast, and we have bathhouses there. Friends, if you go to the Northeast to play, you definitely should visit one and experience it. But you’d have to find a better rated one. You can soak in the big pool and experience the scrub. A lot of the better places are not only about the scrub. Let me tell you, because many of you have not been to one. Let me tell you what you can do in a bathhouse. People from the South might not know, so I’ll walk you through the process. [t/n: flashbacks to his 2022.08.12 stream, where he explained this whole thing]

- You walk in and see two paths. Someone welcomes you, asks you how many people in your party, and directs you to the front desk for a number - You get your number (for a locker) and are directed to an area- only shoes- where you will take off yours. “You can go in to wash but you can’t bring your shoes. Because they’re afraid of people washing then immediately leaving. Shoes are collateral.” Change into slippers. - You are asked if you’d like your shoes cleaned. It’s about 10-20rmb. - Men are on the first floor, and Women are on the second. There are no solo rooms. - Next you enter a hall full of lockers. Find yours according to the number originally assigned to you. Take off your clothes and put them in the locker. 

LYN: There are a lot of people, and some are shy. Like me. But you’re there to wash up, so normally people just tie a towel around their waist and go in. C: Really get naked?? LYN: What else are you going to do, watch?? You’re there to wash up, why wouldn’t you take off your clothes? C: Southern people are shy. LYN: It has nothing to do with whether you’re shy or not. It’s all men in there, what’s there to be shy about?? But if you are, you can just wrap a towel and go in.

- Around the perimeter of the area are shower heads. You can adjust temperature however you want and the pressure is high. In the middle there are 2-3 large pools. The largest one is usually around 30-35C. Towards the edges are the hotter pools, around 40C or a little higher. There’s another row with seated bathing- for the old people to sit and wash. - You only need to bring your body. Soaps, shampoos, and cleaning supplies are all offered. - You finish up with the baths, rinse, and are ready for the scrub. There’s a designated area to go, find and find a shifu. It normally costs around 38rmb, but can be more. It was 38rmb when he was still going. C: Is that expensive? LYN: I guess it depends on what you’re there for. If you’re there to have a bath and scrub, 100rmb should do it.

- The shifu will ask if you want a salt scrub: 68 or 88rmb. To disinfect. “If you’re stingy like me, you’ll say no thanks.” Or they’ll ask if you want lemon. Lemon is 68, the slightly cheaper option. The salt was 88. You can ask for vinegar instead. “Because it is better at getting off the dust.”

C: Do they have purple salt? LYN: 去你的!

C: Is there medicinal oil? LYN: That counts as a spa thing. You’d have to go up. I’m telling you floor by floor. We’re only on the first floor now. LYN: Putting salt has a disinfecting function. But men rarely have a milk scrub; you’d see that more in the women’s baths. It’s supposed to make your skin better, but let me tell you- it really doesn’t do anything. Even if you sit in a tub of milk, it’s not as if your body can absorb anything. Let alone using it to scrub your body with. I’m telling you- it’s all a lie. The most realistic thing is to use some lemon. Salt is okay, too. Vinegar helps to remove oil. Maybe without it, it would be easier to scrub. 

- When you’re done you can rinse off or go take a sit in the sauna. - The better accommodations are upstairs. By floor: 1. Men’s Bath 2. Women’s Bath 3. Dining 4. Rest area - one section has dim lights and you can sit on a sofa and rest a little; there’s a Chinese chess area; likens it to an amusement park. 5. Private Rooms - for massage, ear cleaning, etc. 6. Hotel Rooms -  /starts explaining what you can do by floor/

- got to 4F, when: C: Are you naked all through this?? LYN: No, when you finish washing they’ll give you a robe before you head upstairs.

LYN: When you’re all done you can come back to the first floor and rinse off before you head home. That’s the basic bathhouse walkthrough.

C: Have you worked there? LYN: I have worked in a bathhouse before. I was a waiter there for… a little more than a year, I think. I was working in the dining area, but I’m familiar with the whole process of it.  - LYN: If you get the chance to head North, visit a bathhouse. It’s pretty interesting. - C: Do you get commission? LYN: No, it’s just your regular wage. A very “dead” wage.

----- SJYM

LYN: LYT-laoshi is here? Oh, welcome! LYN: I’m sorry. I’m ashamed. Because originally I was supposed to be filming for a scene tonight- a scene where the hero rescues the maiden. The FL gets surrounded by 200 small vagrants. She was shopping on the street when she was surround by 200 small vagrants. In fear and at a loss, she looks around for help. Suddenly, I appear. Together, myself and 100 other small vagrants (?) bombard her. But this scene was scrapped and I didn’t get to film today. She’s hanging out with those 100 small vagrants now. I came back home to stream. [t/n: what??] I didn’t save her, but came to stream instead. C: What about the other 100? LYN: … - C: I thought you had cameo’d? LYN: Yeah, I’m the background actor that shows his face a lot. - C: The other 100 came to watch the stream. LYN: Meaning that you’ve already discovered that there are 100 little vagrants with us in the stream? /laughs/ You got me.

C: You’re going to scare her away. LYN: No. Actually, when I work with other actors- it doesn’t matter who- I’m still a rookie. Though I may look older (and AM older) than the actors, colleagues, and friends I’ve worked with, the truth is that I AM a rookie. You can pick anyone, and they all would have debuted earlier than me.

C: Ning-ge, I want to go act as a vagrant. LYN: /lol/ You want to bombard the FL??

LYN: The director is here??

LYN: On, in that case- speaking from the heart, if I had to use a single word to describemy current state it woul be: humiliated. Because when I’m with the drama crew I never act like how I do in my stream. In the crew I need to act a little more proper/sane. I don’t want them to think that I am unreliable or unstable. I don’t want them to think I’m a vagrant. So usually when I get on to set in the morning and see the director, for example I’ll say, ‘Good morning, Director.” And if I see the Fl, I’ll say, “Good morning.” [short and simple] Do you hear- the sound of my voice is even more dignified. “Good morning.” “Did you sleep well?” “Not bad?” “Okay, good.” And to other actors: “Hello.” “Do you have a lot of scenes today?” “You don’t?” “Thanks for your hard work.” Putting on airs. But in reality, I’m just a small vagrant. XD

C: Director Guo, please film Nan Heng well! LYN: Is that not disgraceful?? Do you think he, the Director, needs you to tell him that? LYN: The Director has already done his best when filming me. Think about how many times I have to wear the mask. Every time I have to take it off, I’m terrified. But the Director has already done the best he could. I can’t say I look cool but at least you can’t say that I’m… /trails off/ We don’t want what happened before to happen again.

C: You scared Song Yimeng (LYT) away. LYN: It’s okay.

C: Ning-ge, I’m a vagrant to begin with, can I go act? LYN: Its not necessary.

C: Are there any scenes in this drama where you bombard the ML? LYN: Female vagrants?? You want to come bombard the ML???

-----

C: Ning-ge, your eyes are so pretty. LYN: You’re not kidding, are you? My eyes are the biggest “bug” (flaw) on my face. When I’m acting opposite people it’s always big eyes against small eyes. I am the small eyes. You didn’t learn this from foreign movies, did you? I always see that when they are complimenting someone they’ll say, “Wow, your eyes are so beautiful.” “Your eyes look just like a blue lake.” I feel like in a lot of foreign movies the ML will compliment the FL by saying her eyes are pretty. LYN: Oh, my goodness. ~ You have a pair of eyes that can speak ~

C: Ning-ge, we don’t self deprecate. LYN: Let me tell you. If you want to survive in this industry, you’ll have to learn how to self deprecate. If you don’t do it yourself, others will do it for you. I’m walking on others’ path, so they have no room to walk it. - [t/n: he’ll make fun of himself so other people’s words can’t hurt him.]

C: KSTLB is a really good watch! LYN: It is! I had fun shooting this season as well, and the episodes have all finished recording. If you have some time you can go check it out. Over time we came to know one another, and we were able to relax and play better together. 

C: How many times were you the killer? LYN: I don’t remember, and I can’t spoil anything. But it’s already been 4 episodes and I’ve had a special identity in all of them. For four consecutive episodes, I already knew who the killer was. It really took away from the overall experience. LYN: And then- /laughs/- this is human nature. In E1 I was Detective and chosen as the X. When we finished recording that ep, I told my PD: “It was fun, but I didn’t have any sense of experiencing it for myself. I didn’t have that motivation to solve the case. I didn’t get to experience thesearch and putting the clues together to find the killer.” But let me tell you something about how it was recorded- As the X, I do know who the killer is. But! You still don’t know what the whole story is. The story, modus operandi, timeline, and how the characters are connected- the X does not know any of that. You only know who the killer is, that’s it. You don’t know the motive or how the deed was done. So on that part, there is some sense of participation, as you’re solving the case along with everyone else. We find the clues, connect them together, and finally see the whole picture before voting for we think the killer is.

LYN: The Director is calling me for overtime. I won’t be going, Director. Thanks for your hard work. 

LYN: Then, in E2 I was Detective AND X AGAIN. So I told my PD, /smug/humble/ “Why did they pick me again? It’s like I can’t even play to my fullest. It’s a little boring.” By E3, I was Detective & X again, and I knew who the killer was, so I felt a little discouraged. /sigh/ I was originally planning on to take it by storm, but I felt that I was limited by the knowledge. I wanted to show off my strong reasoning skills and the limits of my intelligence but as the X I had to protect the killer. Therefore, I could not properly come to the right conclusions. In E4- you’ve already seen it, as it’s finished airing. Later- I finally become just a “commoner”. I was so happy. LYN: They will tell you your identity beforehand: if you are the detective, commoner- actually there is no “commoner” but rather the rest of us are “suspects”- or killer. Finally one day I became the commoner/suspect. I was so excited. It was like I got a pump of chicken blood (expression to express insanity or excitement). When I got to the set and for example:

- Saw ZLH- I said, “小杀手~” (xiǎo shāshǒu - means “little killer”, it became a sort of term of endearment on the show) “Today I’ll be- /makes the watching you gesture/- keeping my eyes on you~” “You’re a little strange today, ZLH.” “I called you out and you didn’t refute.” - Later Reba walks in. “Ba-jie… you’re not normal today.” :) “Oh, you are normal?” “I’m not crazy, no. I’m just… testing you.” “It seems you’re not very suspicious today.” - Later, BY comes in. “Lao Bai, are you the killer today?” “You are? Stop joking! The show wouldn’t dare to give you such an important position. We also have a new friend today. There’s no way you can be the killer. You’re not worthy. ” - Later, ZKY comes in. “Keyu.” “I called you, how could you not hear me?? Were you too busy memorizing the killer’s script?” “There’s something wrong with you today. Something very wrong with you today!” “Watch out, Ning-ge will be keeping his eye on you.” “You’d better be careful!” - Later, Jin Jing. “Hello, hello~ You’re shooting with us today?” “Are you the murderer, JJ?” JJ: “Why would you think I’m the killer.” “I’ll tell you why: because you are someone who records variety shows often. But since you’re here, on your first episode, the program would definitely give you some sort of special identity so you can experience being the killer. They will assume that we would never think that they’d give a new player an identity. I’m sure that’s what they’re thinking.” “Watch out. Ning-ge is watching you~”

LYN: I was super excited that day. LYN: And in the end, I guessed wrong. I thought I was so smart! But at the end of the day I voted for the wrong person. How outrageous!! LYN: After recording that day, I felt even worse. I was SO confident. “Little Killer. Let me tell you- I’m set on you as my killer. Don’t try to explain. Okay, fine. I’ll give you a chance. Let me hear what you have to say.” They say a bunch. I refute. “Keep talking.” They say, “Ning-ge, why do you think it’s me?” I say, “You don’t need to try to make excuses. Don’t try to make me pity you. It’s definitely you.” I voted wrong. LYN: I thought I was invincible, but at the end I was even more dispirited. Seems like it really isn’t easy to pick correctly… 

C: Spoilers! LYN: No- when you watch it, then you’ll realize whether I really gave spoilers or not. LYN: That experience made me realize it was better off being the X. /pause/ Not really. It’s fine being a “commoner” too. I’m better at stories that take place within reality. I’m not as good this season because I have a strong sense of logic, but a lot of the stories this season are… how do you call it?? Alternate reality. The first season didn’t have things like infinite loops, time travel, aliens, etc. I’m not well-versed in these types of scripts. I CAN understand, but I am better at the logistical side of things. 

C: Infinite loop. LYN: I did think of it, but it’s not something you can be certain of. It adds too many variables. If you think it’s a time loop, it might not be. But if it were to take place within reality, that’s not even a direction you have to think about. You’d only have to think about motive, and how the act was conducted.

C: Are the snacks tasty? LYN: Yes, they were all quite tasty.

C: What does the suannai geda (nai lao) taste like? LYN: First, you need to open up all your tastebuds. Before you eat it, it would be best to have a drink of clear water. To clear other flavors from your mouth. The moment you put the sour milk on your tongue, you will be able to taste the flavor of the sour milk. Suannai geda tastes like suannai geda. What did you expect? Would it taste like daikon?

C: Did you like it? LYN: Um… it’s an acquired taste? Some people like douzhi, but others can’t drink it/aren’t accustomed to the taste. If you like it, you will like it. If you don’t, then you don’t. So, does it taste good? If you think it’s good, it’s good. If you don’t think it’s good, then it’s not. LYN: /laughs at himself/ I can’t even believe how much nonsense I am spewing tonight!!  - likens it to stinky tofu- not that that’s what it tastes like- but people who like it, like it. People who don’t want to throw up at the smell of it. Depends on personal preference.

C: Ning-ge, everything you’re saying today is nonsense. LYN: That’s right! It’s not that I’m making a lot of noise. 1 minute on stage is 60 seconds off stage. [t/n: ??] Right? It’s not as simple as you think.

C: Ning-ge, I knew you would say that. LYN: I can’t believe you guessed right. Let me do something now that you will definitely never guess.  LYN: I hope you had a relaxing, happy, and wonderful night. It was great to have you and I hope you had fun. Let’s meet again in the next stream~ Goodnight, everyone! LYN: If you still haven’t subscribed to my weibo, please do so. It’s about time (to go). I’ll go wash up, do some homework for tomorrow’s scenes, then I’ll go to sleep. Okay? Goodnight, everyone. LYN: You didn’t see that coming did you? 🙂 LYN: Goodnight. Bye, bye.

[joannechocolat]

The Final Chapter

A review – well, sort of – of Chris Fowler’s WORD MONKEY.

There are books that you never want to end. Sometimes it’s because of the thrilling plot; or the fantastic world of the story;  or that the central characters are so engaging that it’s hard to say goodbye. Whatever the reason, it has taken me a very long time to reach the end of my old friend’s final book. Not because it was dull – quite the reverse; it may be the finest, funniest, most sincere, the wisest thing he has ever written – but because I didn’t want to reach the final chapter.

This is the memoir Chris Fowler always spoke of writing. The first instalment, PAPERBOY, was the story of his childhood; a life dominated by books, films and comics in a working-class household where no-one understood his passion. The second chapter, FILM FREAK, was the account of a young, ambitious gay man at the start of his career, obsessed with the movies, desperately seeking work in a collapsing industry. The third, WORD MONKEY, was to be the story of a successful career in books, his advice to budding writers, his thoughts on the industry, all presented with the same joie-de-vivre, keen observation, hilarious wisdom and lightness of touch that characterized the previous two. And it is – it’s all those things, and more. More, because it’s also the tale of the final chapter in a life, the last pages of which I read in real time against the backdrop of the pandemic and everything that came with it, including Chris’ diagnosis with terminal cancer and his final, dazzling flare of creativity before the end.

Before I go on, some context. Chris and I were friends a long time – over 30 years, in fact. It began with a letter I wrote as a very new author, thanking him for my only review. From there it developed into a regular correspondence (I still have a stack of those letters, many of them detailing things that later appeared in the books, always funny and generous, and illustrated with little cartoons); and then a growing friendship. We were different in many ways, but we shared a love of books and films, and it was in Chris’ nature to help other writers whenever he could. He saw the rise of my career from teacher to bestselling novelist. He was there at my highest and lowest points. He found me my first proper agent. His company did the advertising campaign for the movie of CHOCOLAT. When he moved from Kentish Town to King’s Cross, I bought a pied-à-terre down the road, and we met up whenever I was in town, usually for a breakfast that would go on till lunchtime.

At the beginning of lockdown, both of us were diagnosed with cancer. They found mine early. His, too late. Over the next three years I tried to come to terms with his terminal diagnosis. I didn’t really believe in it; he was still so full of life, so upbeat, so creative. We corresponded by e-mail and text from our respective chemo chairs; he told me funny stories about his life and his doctors. When lockdown ended, we met up again for our usual breakfasts in King’s Cross. I think I expected to see a change; but he looked and sounded just the same; and he was still writing furiously. In December 2022 he finished editing his memoir; by then he was unable to leave the flat, and I went to see him at home for the last time. I didn’t know it would be the last time, of course, but it’s rare to know these things as they happen. He was getting frail by then, but mostly he was just the same; clever and funny and cheery and filled with stories and book recommendations and accounts of obscure European films that I absolutely had to watch. And he was still writing furiously; short stories, blog posts, tweets, even a new Bryant and May book (he joked that it would have to be a short one). I told him I loved him. He said it back. That was the last time I saw him, although our correspondence went on right up till the end, in March, just weeks from his 70th birthday.  

I still find it hard to believe he’s gone. His voice is still so clear in my mind. And I still see him all over King’s Cross; in bookshops and theatres and cinemas. In the comics and record shops we visited together; in countless breakfast places. And it’s here, in this book, the final chapter of a life well lived, a quite extraordinary life, crowned with achievements (which he typically downplays) and filled with humour and stories. It’s all here, and it’s wonderful, and it fills me with admiration at the talent of the writer, as well as the courage of a man who can take something as bleak as a terminal cancer diagnosis, and work it into something like this; a celebration; joyous, true and filled with unflinching insight.

I don’t know why I feel surprised. I always knew how good he was. But this is more than just a dazzling piece of writing. It’s a testament to the power of words; a reminder that through them, you can shine even beyond that darkness; that life is short, and love is long; and stories can live forever. This is why we write, after all; to push away the shadows. To connect with each other across the years. To celebrate what brings us joy; to prove that we are not alone. So read this book, and read the rest of this astonishing trilogy. And be inspired – as writers, as readers – by the boy who dreamed of the stars, and learned to live forever.

[changingplumbob]

New Goth Household: Chapter 2, Part 3

Alexander was sick the day before Halloween. It's not often just one person in the household gets sick… The house hosts a Halloween party and Keira is ready to let Marta know how she feels.

Before the party everyone finishes off their projects to excellent standard, ready to present later. Harvey has stopped by to make sure James won't let Keira's younger teen brother Reece and his friends in. James assures him he has no intention of letting minors in when juice is served.

Keira comes from a premade family and it took me forever to spell her name right. That's why I'm happy that for Halloween this geek can dress up as Qi'ra from Solo. Another woman whose name is pronounced the same but spelled completely differently. Kiera, Kira, Kyra, Keera the variants never stop.

Household picture before the party starts. I must say, the party, not what I envisioned. You'll see but it's an example of "Man plans, god laughs". To equate it "watcher plans, game code laughs".

James had a headache so I sent him for a nap before dinner.

Alexander: What are you dressed as

Joey: Rich lord, ladies love them

Keira: News to me

Joey: You're a lesbian, you don't count

Alexander: It just seems very conservative for you

Joey: Skinny doesn't lend itself to topless costumes

Keira: Ah

Joey: Yo James, you feeling better

James: A little bit

Alexander: Tell me if you need to lie down, please

James: I will. What are you doing Keira

Keira: Me? Just making sure Marta has the address

Joey: I take from your smile she's not straight

Keira: Could be bi, could be pan, but I have a chance

Alexander: Will you be okay with the crowd

Keira: Isn't it just high school friends

Joey: I may have flicked a few extra ladies the invite

Keira: How many are we talking

Alexander: Don't worry about them. Focus on Marta. Let her know how you feel

Keira: I'll try, really I will, just crowds

Joey: Soz

Alexander and the juice keg meet again. Last time didn't go so well, but this is the reward keg from their last party. It'll be... okay, no, it's gone everywhere. Bouncing back from the failure Alexander tries again. Success! We have a working keg. But we also hired a bartender to be safe.

James: Hey love, is everything- woah!

Alexander: Ready for a brilliant night? Yes it is. Come here

Keira meanwhile has had her nerves take a turn. She's now seeing a few stars here and there. Deciding to do her best to ignore this emerging headache she gets started on the juice.

The party begins and the guests start arriving. Most of the buddies from high school got the costume memo but other young adults have just shown up in party outfits, ready for a good time. The mixologist showed up so that's a positive for a sims event.

Keira: Hey Mar- Ah

Marta: Ay dios mio, are you okay Keira

Keira: Yes, I'm fine, I'm fine. Your costume-

Marta: Have you met Dolores?

The two share a laugh.

Marta: Who are you

Keira: Qi'ra

Marta: Huh?

Keira: It's a Star Wars pun. It's pronounced the same but spelled different

Keira: Maybe sometime we can watch the films

Marta: That sounds fun. Are you sure you're all right?

Keira: It's just a headache, shouldn't be contagious or anything

Marta: You know what I've HEARD makes you feel better

Keira: An arepa?

Marta: *laughs* comforting hugs

Keira: Thanks Marta

Marta: I also brought you a gift

Keira: You did

Marta produces a rose.

Keira: A rose? Oh it's beautiful

Marta: A beautiful rose for a beautiful carino

Keira: I don't know that word

Marta: Maybe I'll teach it to you someday

Keira: I'd like that. Very much

Marta's smile lifts Keira's courage.

Keira: Care to duet with me

Marta: I thought you didn't like crowds

Keira: What crowd? I only see you

The two flick through the catalogue and pick Meant To Be by Marta's favourite singer Bebe Rexha. The two begin and Keira feels her worries begin to float away.

🎵No need to go nowhere fast Let's enjoy right here where we at🎶 🎵Who knows where this road is supposed to lead We got nothing but time🎶 🎵As long as you're right here next to me Everything's gonna be alright🎶 🎵If it's meant to be, it'll be, it'll be Baby, just let it be🎶

Alexander: James, are you okay

James: My head is pounding

Alexander: Lets go to bed

James: No love, we've not danced together yet

Alexander: Fine. One dance then we're going right to bed

James: Does that make us bad hosts

Alexander: I don't care, I just care about you

James: How did I get so lucky

Keira starts to realise it's not just that her worries are floating away, she's getting light headed. She figures it's just the juice and carries on.

🎵Whoa, hold up, girl, don't you know you're beautiful? And it's easy to see🎶 🎵If it's meant to be, it'll be, it'll be Baby, just let it be🎶

Joey meanwhile is noticing some lingering glances from one of the guests he's invited. She's an unattached blonde and he wonders if she might like to take things upstairs. He puts on his best fake English accent and goes for it.

🎵So, come on, ride with me, ride with me See where this thing goes🎶 🎵So, come on, ride with me, ride with me Baby, if it's meant to be🎶 🎶Maybe we do🎵 🎶Maybe we don't🎵 🎶Maybe we will🎵 🎶Maybe we won't🎵 🎵But if it's meant to be, it'll be, it'll be Baby, just let it be🎶

The girls finish to scattered applause that rings in Keira's ears as she goes from light headed to somewhat delirious.

Keira: You sounded lovely

Marta: Ay dios mio, you're covered in swirls

Keira: I do feel pretty swirly, and stary

Marta: You need rest

Keira: No, tonight is meant to be fun

Marta: It has been

Keira: But I don't want you to leave

Marta: I won't but the rest of your roommates have disappeared. You don't mind if I kick everyone else out

Keira: Kick, kick, I kick a soccer ball very well

Marta: Go upstairs and change, I'll make some tea

Keira: T is a letter

Marta: It is, now go

Keira: You're so sweet, like sweet tea

Marta: Go on

Keira: I am no longer Qi'ra, I'm Keira, ta da

Marta: *chuckles* so I see, the tea will just be a minute

Keira: I didn't know we even had a tea kettle

Marta: I dug through the cupboards

Keira: Huh. This place is so massive

Marta: It is very large

Keira: Guys and their sizes pfft

Marta: Sit down before you fall over, I'll bring the tea

Keira: Thank you. How do you say that in Spanish

Marta: Gracias

Keira: Gra-ci-as. Gracias Marta

Marta: Drink up, the tea will help

Keira: Then what

Marta: Then you sleep

Keira: No! Why? We're having fun

Marta: When we have some real fun you'll want to remember it

Keira: Do I sound drunk or is that just in my head? I'm sure I only had 1 cup of juice

Marta: Get in bed carino

Keira: Thank you, gracias, for looking after me

Marta: No problem, now sleep

Keira: But I want to talk

Marta: We'll talk when you're feeling like you and I'm not looking like Dolores

Keira: Promise

Marta: Promise carino

Marta settles at the computer while she waits for Keira to fall asleep. When she's sure Keira is sleeping restfully, she leaves, but places the rose in a vase first. That way Keira can have her memory jogged in the morning.

Previous Part ... Next Part

[vibekei]

public diary entry essentially, unorganized + unedited thoughts on solanin and the worst person in the world, possibly interesting(?)

hmmm... sometimes i feel less like a human person and more like a floating head designed to gather as much information as possible or to train in as many different disciplines as it can, and find myself frustrated at my inability to do this with the limitations of being a body in a society where my ideal jack-of-all-trades life learning and reskilling into different fields, careers, hobbies and "side-hustles" looks irresponsible and unfocused on a cv, and as such isn't fully viable as a path unless i record it and hit the big time as a youtuber (not happening, but i would probably try were i not allergic to the idea of being a public figure in any real sense)

i recently read solanin and really loved it, much more than i did punpun, though i do think punpun won me over by the end (despite not particularly enjoying the process of reading it as i was doing so, there were quite a few stretches i found overlong, overbearing, and exhausting - which is, like, the point, but whatever. i would probably have a better time on a revisit but i have other things to get through) and is the better/more realized work of the two; the short, intimate, and personally (to me) timely qualities of solanin make it my preferred work, and the one i would actually recommend to other people. (unrelated and a long shot, but if anyone reading this has read dead dead demon's dededede destruction and knows if it's worth reading b4 it gets adapted lmk ok...)

i keep thinking about the epilogue chapter, the one written in 2017, eleven years after solanin's original end, where we get a brief glimpse into meiko's life as a 30-something. [mild spoilers] starting, finishing, and continuing chapters and sub stories of her own narrative, she's still floating much in the same way she was in her early 20s, having once again just quit her job for a new work-from-home career in a totally new field. it's easy to see her as being unfocused, or uncommitted, but she's not; she's grounded by her partner, her pregnancy, and her ability to recognise herself for what she is- someone who will never be able to sit still. she understands herself in relation to the world around her, and she understands that she doesn't quite fit into the expected, rigid norms of japanese work culture, but continues to make the choices she does about her life with full confidence in herself. she does this while paying respect to the people she once was, still is, and never will be again - seeing the band she was briefly essential to play live. and they see her too, they recognise her for who she is, and they acknowledge her. it's a really great ending to the manga, and reminded me a lot of the worst person in the world, which i watched a couple months back (and also loved, for many of the same reasons i loved solanin).

the worst person in the world is a very good movie. it's another story about a young woman fumbling her way through jobs and aspirations and relationships, passing through her twenties without quite landing on who she's "supposed to be", realising that maybe that concept isn't quite for her (or, perhaps, anyone) in the first place. it's also the only joachim trier film i've seen (apologies to oslo trilogy fans. i know, i started from the end - so did everyone else).

i do, once again, keep thinking about its ending. the very final scene of the movie, with julie beginning a career in photography after many other ventures into other fields. i think about when she glances out the window and sees her ex with another woman, pushing a baby stroller, and smiles. i think about all the people we are and could be and how nobody can sit still and everyone is changing, the lives we think we want now are not the lives we will want or have later. she smiles and she acknowledges it, in herself and in him and by extension everyone else. i have more to say but i'm getting bored of writing. i like frances ha too, for the record.

[foodfightnovelization]

Websites, Web Videos and Production Stills

Alright, so before the end of the novelization I want to just take a minute to talk about the various Foodfight! websites from over the years. From about 2001-2005, foodfight.com was simply a brief Flash animation of the movie's logo, with a second animation saying "When good food...goes BAD!" Not much to talk about, right?

However, in around 2006 the website was updated into, well, an actual website! You can still check it out here via the Internet Archive: https://web.archive.org/web/20060901184349/http://www.foodfight.com/FF-flash.html

This is honestly pretty cool- we get a brief summary of the plot, a bunch of character bios that explain things about Dex, Dan and the other Ikes that are NEVER made clear in the movie itself -for instance, did you know the cereal Dex is the mascot for actually contains a free toy of him in every box? If that was a real cereal (and they WERE planning to make it one when this movie was something of a big deal) I would've loved that, I miss cereal prizes so dearly. These character bios also show concept art from an earlier version of the movie- art that again, looks far more visually appealing than the movie we ended up with. How is it basically everything about Foodfight! except the movie itself is actually pretty cool?

The website even opens with a genuinely impressive animation of the grocery store transforming into Marketropolis- I can't really show it here because it's animated, but if you follow the link you'll see it and it looks AWESOME- it really makes you think "yeah, supermarkets DO kinda look like cities!", right? Also, on the Production page we see the character model for a large, ugly Brand X soldier who we never see in the finished film. Is this the fabled Brand X Mashed Potato Man? (Almost definitely yes, there's nobody else this could be)

Well, he looks absolutely HORRIFYING, but it's good to know what this character would've looked like had he not been replaced by the Brand X Lunchlady. On the Partners page as well, we see one of the companies the studio is working with is Random House, who published the novelization we've been analyzing for the past twenty-something blog posts. So far, this is the only evidence I've found of the novelization's existence outside of the copy of it I own, so it's good to see it get some acknowledgement. There's not much else to talk about with this website, so now let's move onto the next- that's right, there was ANOTHER website.

So as you may or may not know, Foodfight was initially released in theaters in 2012 in the UK and Ireland- it makes no sense at all to release it there, as British people aren't going to be familiar with characters like Charlie The Tuna or Twinkie the Kid, but apparently this was part of a contractual obligation the studio HAD to fulfill of giving it a theatrical release SOMEWHERE. As it happens, I actually grew up in England (I live in Canada now, however) and this theatrical release was where my obsession with Foodfight began. Back in 2012, I saw a poster for this movie outside a theater in London- it had Charlie Tuna, Twinkie The Kid and the Vlasic Stork on it, but I didn't recognize any of them because I was an 11 year old British child with no knowledge of Twinkies or tuna mascots. I DID however see Dex Dogtective up on the poster, and I was instantly enamoured because he looked like Indiana Jones, and I LOVED Indiana Jones back then. I begged to go see it, but was given a harsh and firm "no". Now 11 years later, I'm writing the most comprehensive blog about the movie to ever have existed. Life is funny like that sometimes, right? But that's not what we're here to talk about- when the movie was released in the UK and Ireland, there was a website coinciding with this release- foodfightmovie.co.uk.

This was also saved via the Web Archive, unfortunately however only the Introduction page of the site was saved. The picture above (and a button below that says "ENTER") is basically all that's left of this site, so whatever else was on there is long gone...right?

Well, not quite! In late 2012, this Youtube video was uploaded entitled "Foodfight vox pop". It shows the audience reaction after a theater screening in the UK, comprised mainly of very young children saying they liked the movie whilst holding various Foodfight plush toys. I can't find a source for this video ANYWHERE on the internet, so it's my theory this video was originally made for the "foodfightmovie.co.uk" website before it was lost to time. I don't have any definitive proof of that, but it doesn't make sense for this video to have come from anywhere else.

Now, I just have one last thing to share! These are production stills dated from sometime in 2007 that I found while scouring the web for more juicy tidbits about Foodfight! These stills mostly look similar to what we see in the final movie- however Lieutenant X, Sunshine, and Maximilius's character designs look far higher quality than what we see in the actual movie. The design of the ketchup tanks is slightly different as well, and Sunshine appears in a grassy meadow that looks vastly different from the one we see in the finished film. These aren't a huge deal, but based on the character designs and models we see here, we can say DEFINITIVELY that the version of the movie we know and...tolerate today was in development in 2007. Besides that, I wanted to share EVERYTHING I know about Foodfight on this blog, even the minor things that'd otherwise be uninteresting.

I really hope you enjoyed these- I didn't want to just talk about the novelization on this blog, I wanted to share the wider world of Foodfight! as well, from storyboards to concept art to long-lost videogames, and I hope by reading these you learned something you didn't already know. We have two more chapters to go before we reach the end of the novelization, so I say let's snap crackle and pop our way through to the end!

[suspiciouslackofclowns]

It’s become something of a monthly tradition for Billy and Steve to go to the movies. They take turns picking at random, sometimes laughing and silently making fun of the film with each other, sometimes finding a true gem that they plan on buying on tape later on. Always holding hands and sharing snacks no matter what.

It’s 1988, late November, and they’re bundled up in sweaters and enough layers to stave off the bite in the air, but Billy still shivers when they climb out of the car.

His brows are pinched together as he takes hold of Holly’s hand when they cross the street. Like the action is forced.

Steve was a little surprised when Karen of all people decided to call last minute and ask them to babysit — logically it makes sense, with Nancy off at college and Mike keeping himself out of the house, to ask Billy and Steve for a favor. They have a tendency for collecting strays, probably worse than Hopper.

Still, Steve recalls the face that Billy made when he picked up the phone and heard Karen’s voice.

That look of abject terror. Discomfort. Hurt.

Of course, despite everything, he still said yes. Never mind that they had a date night planned for this evening, or that their house wasn’t presentable for guests. Steve spent a good half hour tidying things up before they headed over to the Wheeler’s and spent the entire drive trying to help Billy relax his grip on the wheel.

When Holly finally slid into the back seat with her unicorn backpack and hair up in pigtails, Billy seemed to relax a little.

At least, he did when they actually pulled out of the driveway.

Now they’re standing out front of the theater, browsing the various posters. Billy points at one in particular that makes Steve’s nose wrinkle.

“No, we aren’t watching that.”

“Why not? It’s got a doll on the cover.”

“Bill.”

The blond smiles and raises his free hand in mock surrender before he glances down at Holly, who releases his hand in favor of walking up to another movie poster for a closer look.

She doesn’t say anything. Just admires the artwork, and Billy and Steve share a glance before they approach the ticket booth.

“Three tickets for the dinosaur movie, please.”

They’ve never gone to see a cartoon before, but Steve supposes that there’s a first time for everything. They get their snacks and make their way towards their theater, passing more posters along the way.

It seems cute. Steve’s always liked dinosaurs.

“I bet it’s gonna be some shit about learning the alphabet or something,” Billy whispers, and Steve chuckles and elbows him.

And he could not have been more wrong.

They’re decently entertained in the beginning, sharing glances over the top of Holly’s head every now and again. About half an hour into the film, Steve isn’t smiling anymore.

He kind of freezes in his seat. Thinks uh oh before he even gets the chance to look over at his partner.

And, yeah, Steve’s getting a little bleary eyed, but Billy’s face is streaming with tears. He has a hand clasped over his mouth, eyes wide. Completely unaware that the darkness in the theater isn’t enough to shield him from view.

Steve wants to go around to the other seat and lift up the armrest between them. Snuggle into his side like they usually do. Hell, he kind of wants to just grab him and go, because this was supposed to be fun.

Before he settles on a decision, Holly looks up at Billy and instantly scoots closer to his seat. Wraps her little arms around his bicep and leans against him without so much as a blink. It works to calm him down enough that he doesn’t look horrified anymore — really, Steve’s just surprised that he doesn’t shove her away afterwards.

He hates it when people see him cry.

The three of them stay seated, no longer hesitant about finishing the movie. Every time Steve glances over at his partner, he seems utterly serious about paying attention to the plot. Sure, he giggles when something silly happens on the screen, but he always defaults back to pinching his eyebrows together in concentration.

There are a few points in the movie that have Steve’s eyes watering again, but none so much as the end. And he knows that if he’s a little distraught, Billy’s a fucking wreck.

When the lights come on and they exit the theater, Holly dumps her empty soda cup in the trash and makes a direct line for the restroom, her two adult chaperones left waiting outside with puffy eyes and red noses.

Steve leans his back against the wall and pats Billy’s shoulder after a moment.

“You alright, bud?”

The blond nods. Shoves his hands into his pockets and sniffles, keeping his gaze trained on his boots.

“I liked it.”

“You did?” Steve almost laughs when he says it, but manages to keep it down when Billy casts a half-hearted glare at him. “Who was your favorite character?”

Billy contemplates briefly before he shrugs.

“I liked Ducky.”

“Really? I totally thought you’d like Cera.”

Billy really does glare at him then and Steve snorts.

“Fuck Cera. She was a stubborn asshole and she left Petrie to die in the tar pit, for Christ’s sake, dude.”

Steve softens his smile a bit. Smooths his hand from Billy’s shoulder to his back and rubs a circle right between his shoulder blades.

“Don’t be so hard on Cera. She just wasn’t good at making friends, but that wasn’t her fault, y’know? Doesn’t make her a bad person.”

It takes a moment for his words to sink in, but when they do, Billy sighs. He shifts his weight on his feet, leaning ever so slightly closer to Steve.

“Which one was your favorite?” he asks.

“Hmm… I think I’m gonna have to go with Spike.”

Billy huffs a laugh.

“Why Spike?”

“I dunno, he’s a funky little guy. He just walks around and eats plants and hangs out. Doesn’t get better than that.” Steve grins when Billy gives him a look. “Why do you like Ducky?”

That makes Billy burn red. He crosses his arms and looks away.

“It’s stupid.”

“Aw, honey, I’m sure it isn’t,” Steve coos.

He tilts his head to the side to get a better view of his lover’s face. Billy remains quiet for a beat before he heaves another sigh.

“She’s like the whole reason that any of them became friends, y’know? She’s the glue that holds them together. Without her, none of them would’ve made it to the Great Valley.” His voice is soft when he speaks, but he lowers it even more when he adds, “She reminds me of you.”

And, god, if Steve hadn’t already cried multiple times tonight, he’d be burning up and absolutely bawling right now. He clears his throat and tries to keep composed when Holly exits the bathroom.

The three of them take their leave. She holds Billy’s hand when they cross the street again, and when they’re all piled into the car, he seems a bit more at ease. Like the tears have reached the end of their flow for the evening.

Steve, on the other hand, is biting his lip to keep it from quivering as he stares out the window. It doesn’t take long for Billy’s hand to reach over the center console and find Steve’s, fingers interlocked despite the presence in the back seat.

They have a feeling that Holly isn’t going to be telling anyone anyway.

[evelyne-am]

13th March 2023.

Hi folks. I’m going to have to make this really short. It’s been a long time that I have felt that something new is coming upon me. I love music to death and it is most certainly my life’s Destiny but ever since I left Boston I was searching for something to dream about. My work as a musician is beautiful and fulfilling and incredible but it was my reality, it was no longer something I imagined in a mirror as a dream. And over the years when I couldn’t find solace in music sometimes because it was my everyday job, I found it in stories. Especially in the pandemic I would stay up till 6 am every night watching shows and films reading about actors and analysing what I was feeling when I watched things happen. A part of me thinks that I finally found something that I loved as much as music, or probably in a very different way. Another part of me was frustrated with the way society had instantly cancelled my career and my industry the second the pandemic hit as if we were dispensable, we were not essential goods so our services could be instantly paused and we could go to hell, I thought about quitting music completely and all forms of arts and doing something else. But one day without any expectations of actually doing anything I Tried to get into some classes in acting, most of them were full, the one I wanted to at SPARDHA esp, so I Enrolled in my second choice, partially because the music industry was shut in a pandemic and partially because I was curious. In all honesty I didn’t enjoy it. theatre is deep and intellectual, and unlike the music that I listen to, the films and TV that I watch are less on that side, and more about common life, common folk. At one point I quit the program and the play we were doing because I was called into Coke Studio and tho i regretted not finishing the program I was okay with leaving the course and returning to the music industry which had just opened up again. In the process of the last one and a half years I have full fledged come back to work and been doing music with my band, my choir, and even remotely. But I had a little inkling, that I tried something and I never went through. I kept my interest in going to a few plays though, but only that of SparDHA, whom I felt were the brilliant ones in this country.

While working on BONOBIBI in Coke Studio, members of SPARDHA were involved and my Choir and I were in awe (they did the bonobibi part choreo) and I thought wow how amazing thoughtful artistic and professional are these people?

In Jan I was called into a meeting to ask if I were interested in doing an acting project/musical (more on that later) and it sparked my old head again. Then later In February I was supposed to go to Los Angeles to attend the Grammy awards, and for multiple reasons including my getting Covid I did not go last minute. I wont deny that incident wasn’t hard, but there was something inside me that knew there was something more to me not going to Los Angeles.. That is when I found SPARDHA starting their classes again, and without hesitation I don’t know why I just jumped in. Just fresh out of Covid I was doing one or two shows again and it was the day of Coke Studio launch, I am dressed up from head to toe just performed in front of 10,000 people for the first time in many years, when I went to give my audition for the workshop.

The traffic on that day was horrendous and I took a bike and 2 rickshaw and walked from the craziest place of this university in the middle of the highway to the Audition..I was bursting in adrenaline, it was showing on my face. And when my audition was happening I was asked are you interested in theatre, I said no. I said I’m here to learn a skill, I’m here to grow myself as a performer but theatre is not what I want to do. I was told that even if I didn’t do theatre, the course that I was doing was gruelling and tough and was about theatre, there was no room for anyone who came with ego or other forms of preconceived notions even for actors who are doing this. I was asked if I could do the work. I said 100%, work is something that I can do. I was told that this workshop is essentially for people who will be in their next production so they will not be encouraging me to take this course and take it at a later time when it is directed towards acting only and not theatre. It was Valentine’s Day, those who saw me after knew that I was actually enjoying the fact that one hour ago I was jumping up and down with university students launching Coke Studio second season, and then I was being sad that something again in this new dream that I had tried to make for myself doesn’t work out. I was sad but specially because I was looking for something new to happen in my life after that all was over and I wanted to run away from the Grammy thing, t(hat’s something I may write about some other day (or in my memoirs maybe,) but I spent my evening actually going through the emotion of the extreme high and the extreme sort of Drop that I felt. I had said canceled going to Singapore, a place where I had lived as a child when my father works there and ever since a lot of things have happened I have been yearning to go there to feel close to my dad, but because of the course dates I had booked myself only to Thailand with friends later instead of doing this introspective Singapore trip, still I told myself it was okay.

The next day I started planning to book up my days again, there was a potential gig, some studio work that I had left to do but before I booked anything I called one of the members of the group that I knew from working in Coke Studio with us, and I said when are you going to give us the answers, and he said within a few hours, I said with him how sad I felt that The Audition indicated that once again I would not get a chance in the workshop (this is the same one that I had tried for in 2021 and did not get in.) he doesn’t so much just said to wait. Needless to say I got in.

On the first day it was truly gruelling physical work my post covid body could not take it. I came home and collapsed, the second day I pushed again and I got dizzy and almost fell in class. That’s when I had to reveal to one of the facilitators that I am fairly out of Covid, and that I would take steroids

(How I had gotten through my Brac students gig during my Covid.) to come back to class the next day. She told me, try boiled eggs and Saline, and my doctor actually said the same thing and my friend Doctor suggested juice. On day three I went fully prepared boiled eggs juice a line, the works. And when I was in class I was in that bloody class. Strangely taking the workshop healed my Covid somehow, it had been weeks that I was able to exert physical strength but when I was there there was nothing that was just me giving my hundred percent. Physically was not the issue at all, it was the mental part. I am a phone addict, my attention span is horrible, I am restless. but I wrote to my sister: those five hours a day that I didn’t have access to my phone, made me so clear about so many things that I’m always struggling with. Like decisions and emotions. I Ended the course on top of the world, almost yearning for more but felt really grateful that in the middle of so many theatre people (on the last day they were asked who felt what kind of difference in the acting in the workshop, and I was the only one who said I don’t have an answer because I’ve never done it before.) That I got to learn something even in its basics even knowing that I just learnt the list of things that I don’t know. I was off to Thailand and feeling really centred when I found out that Sir was going to do one more workshop on voice and speech. And I thought well if I did that there would be aspects of it that I already knew but I was saying to a friend that the way that this incredible teacher has made me feel as a way that I’ve not felt in a long time, I would take a course where he’s teaching to cook rice. Anyway in this course I felt sick again and actually had to go out of the class one day and straight to the doctors. I know the drill, I am s director myself; when I see the weak links I know that they are not going to be the ones that can sustain for long periods of extreme rehearsals, and I was sad that Sir saw me at my post Covid time when I was not 100% and actually i felt he will start to ignore me as the weak link. At the end of this course everyone was discussing new production and how everyone can be involved; in terms of working backstage helping publicity, I assumed that the participants of the actual play were selected. But suddenly I was invited to a conversation talking about if I wanted to do the production. This was 10th March night. The production goes in to 14th March i.e. tomorrow. On 11th March I called the facilitator and I said are you serious are you looking for me to help out with the background score, and she said so he’s going to have a meeting with you tomorrow. I know the schedule; it’s three months of every day, and so I too was feeling all sorts of nerves, and I just started speaking to all my friends are usually take advice from. All my three friends (shawki sharmin and tanmoy) and my sister had nothing else to say but Armeen,yes. (Well my sister calls me Bubu so she said Bubu. Also she said “i dont think u can say no”. Which made me realise ive already said yes.)

That night, the night before I was supposed to have a meeting with Sir to talk about my role, I get an SMS saying you do not need to have said meeting “apni dol ey achen 14th march shokal 8:30 theke rehearsal” (which translates to “ you are in the group.”)

Friends. Don’t know what will happen. If I will last the whole 3 mknths, or a week if I am just singing 2 lines or there to for helping out.. But “ami doley achi” and I’ve opened this new space to document the brilliant Syed Jamil Ahmed and Spardha through my eyes as someone from a blank slate. (Soz that was not short :P )