#AND FEEL ABSOLUTELY FREE TO CORRECT ME ON ANY OF THEM AY ! i always welcome ur thoughts >:3

[nulltune]

&&. ‎@igniferous is not safe from the besties

i didn't rb a meme and u didn't send me anything but i love and just wanted to fill this out fot them okok <3

texts the other memes at 3 am: hakuno!!!! but very out of context and very likely to be cats. wolf would probably be like "wtf is this". would like to think that infects him a lil bit tho! and the next time he sees a meme he's just -squints eyes- -tentatively sends to the moon menace girl- (wolf vc this is what she calls a "meem" isn't it 🤨)

tries to convince the other to do an idea that definitely sounds questionable: hakuno: "hey wouldn't it be fun if we-" wolf: "no." (she manages to drag him into it anyway)

is the designated driver and who always gets wasted: don't think neither of them would ever be Wasted(TM) but hakuno doesn't enjoy drinking so she'd appoint herself designated driver. i just imagine chilly drunk wolf in the passenger seat telling her some story while hakuno is :| but listening attentively actually. seems fine and dandy except hakuno's not the best driver and with the way she's driving, you'd think they're from gta pulling the biggest bank heist in the world (hakuno: this is a nice podcast -bounces up from speedbump but it unbothered bc she's too short to hit the car roof- -she would've gotten a concussion if she did-) (wolf: SVFKSG ok anyway- it was 428472 years ago when FEKGJSJFKSJFKDKFJ)

always has to host the impromptu sleepover: ok but i'm thinking wolf........ because hakuno would come over and wooooh oh hey it's real hecking late now! she's fine with going back herself (even though she's homeless actually) but hold on wolf's not gonna let her go into the dead of the night like that-- it's dangerous 😤 who’s netflix account gets mooched off of: don't think either would have one but!! i imagine hakuno talking abt it (unable to buy it tho bc she's penniless 😔 /hj) every now and then and wolf ends up getting one some day. he doesn't say it but hakuno sees that there's an account with her name on it already and she's just :0 !!

brings all the snacks and who supplies the movie: hakuno would split the work between em! it's funner that say, she thinks (hakuno: nod nod.) so if she brings the snacks, he supplies the movie, and vice versa. it'd be so funny tho because it'd rlly show the difference between poor simple girl hakuno and rich boy wolf sjghdjg

is usually the first one to say sorry after a fight: 🤔 i don't think they'd ever get into a serious fight but maybe wolf. .. after he says it hakuno's like "...we were fighting?"  Σ(°ロ°)

is the ‘ mom friend ‘: WOLFF ok hear me out!!! i just think he'd be like those seemingly very strict but actually caring mothers okok. also hakuno's good at taking care of others but not herself so, yes. wolf pls look after ur bestie thank uuu

calls the other at 12 am to wish the other a happy birthday without fail: hakuno and she'd be so extra p l s ...... tosses pebbles at his window (if he has one) to get his attention and then starts singing happy birthday with the most flat voice everrrr. bonus: you know that one scene in kungfu panda 2? where po's yelling to shen but he's so far away shen can't hear him? if that happens with them i just know hakuno's chaotic enough to start climbing the damn walls to get to wolf 😭😭 (hakuno vc it's faster-)

is the better wingman to the other: somehow i feel like they both could be a real good wingman for each other :chinhands: it'd make for an interesting scenario tho!! i think it'd be vvv fun to explore >:3

‘ the strong must protect the sweet ‘ , who’s the ‘ strong ‘ and who’s the ‘ sweet ‘: hakuno can kick ass so i think she might just be the strong in that aspect (tho i think wolf is pog at magic!!! iirc!) (...wolf teaching hakuno magic when? 🧐) but she doesn't choose violence okok-- she's the strong that encourages wolf to show more of his sweet side 😌

pulls the other up for karaoke to sing a duet together: wolf with a very big sigh after hakuno's continuous and not so subtle hints for him to sing ("do you want the next song?" "there's no need to be shy" "oh, this song seems like it'd be fun. want to try?") but it comes with the condition that she sings with him !! hakuno chooses drop pop candy and if wolf feels like he might die from embarrassment i would not blame him!

[moonraccoon-exe]

Hello. I don’t know if it’s the quarantine, or the fact that work is a lot heavier for me in it, but I’ve been feeing down a lot more than usual lately. I’d heard you’re a really positive person, spreading good vibes wherever you go. So, any advice for this walking sad here? - Cavum

HEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

HALLO CAVUM NICE TO MEET YOU, I FEEL HONORED THAT YOU DROP BY IN HERE HELLO!

Advice! OF COURSE I HAVE ADVICE, NOW LISTEN HERE TO THIS RACCOONIE MACCAROONIE

You keep feeling sad! 

That’s what you gonna do! 

I’m really happy that you wrote to me when you’re feeling bad. That’s a very wonderful thing to do. It doesn’t matter who you go to, so long you feel comfortable, safe, and trusty, it’s always such a wonderful thing to do to go look for someone. I am in no ways an expert, but going to a friend, or to a virtual moon raccoon, is a good thing to do and I’m so proud of you and so happy for you for doing so. Reaching out to speak of what you’re feeling sounds like something so little and yet it isn’t, it can indeed be one of the toughest steps for some!

and you know what? You already did it, which means you’ve given the worst step, so from now on there is nothing any worse! Once you’ve decided to jump into the water, the fear is gone so you fear no more, okay? You’re in a safe nice spot with raccoonie, buddy (o´▽`o)

Now back to the advice, I’m real when I tell you to keep feeling sad. Because you know what feelings are? They are like little animals that live in the wild and your heart is a little hut in the middle of it. So sometimes, the animals invite themselves in. Like, you’re there just chilling and SUDDENLY THERE’S A PUMA THERE LIKE BRO I DIDN’T CALL YOU. Because that’s how they work! We’re not like “Imma feel sad” THEN we feel sad, or happy, or anything. We’re like vessels and feelings come and go on their own, and all we can do is deal with them!

So the bad and the sad are little wild animals too. You don’t invite them, they welcome themselves in and make themselves comfortable. The problem is that they make YOU uncomfortable, and what’s worse, sometimes they decide to stay for longer than expected. But you know what you’re going to do? You let them stay. Because letting them stay is the only way you can convince them to go away.

Imagine if you try to lock that puma in a cage. It’s only going to get angry. It’s only going to start clawing at the bars, and no matter how strong the cage is, the animal is immortal and will keep clawing at it for as long as it needs, and, immortal as it is, it will sooner or later break free. And the longer it spends in the cage, the angrier! And you know what an angry beast does? 

HAVOC. CHAOS. D I S A S T E R.

It’s going to wreck your hut, buddy! You don’t want your hut to be ruined, it’s YOUR little hut!!! 

So in some way it’s like that. Puma dangerous, huge, and invited itself in, and you don’t want it there, true. You don’t want it there and you want it to leave...but if you cage it, or if you try to force it to leave, it’s only going to turn against you, and it’s going to make it worse :c

So what do we do when a Puma of Sad is nested in our hut? 

We let it stay there. But, of course, we can’t also let the little tiny shit make itself TOO comfortable that it will decide to stay FOREVER!! WE CAN’T ALLOW THAT, WHO TOLD THAT LITTLE SHIT THAT’S OK? >:|

So what do we do if, even after letting it stay, it doesn’t leave?

Well, we learn how it wants to be treated. If it wants to be petted, or if it just wants you to acknowledge it. If it wants a snack, if it needs a little “Shoo”. All of this metaphorical, of course. What matters is learning how this little puma needs to be treated, and then, in the correct way, shoo it away. Not picking it up and trying to force it out, nor caging it; we get close, we analyze it, we pet it, and we ask it to leave. We ask and insist until the puma ON ITS OWN gets up on its paws and goes “Okay, sorry for disturbing you” and leaves.

I know it can come off as abstract. As in, ok, the metaphor is there, so what does it MEAN in real life? 

Well, it means that you need to acknowledge your Sad, and learn a little from it. You master your hut. Don’t let it know more of your hut than YOU know of the puma. It’s your house, and you won’t keep unwanted guests in there, and will definitely not allow said guest to take over YOUR house! 

So this is what we’re going to do, buddy. First of all, don’t feel bad for feeling bad. Feel bad freely. Feel bad. IT’s human, it’s real, and it means that you have a heart. Feel bad and remember, remember ALWAYS, that it’s ok to not be ok. You can’t always be at your best. You sometimes can’t even be at your 1%. 

And you know?

That’s ok.

That’s wonderful, if you remember, while you’re feeling bad, that you’re still you and you’re doing your best, even if your best means doing nothing, because sometimes that’s what you need. 

It’s ok to not be ok, and it’s ok if you don’t know what the puma wants to be motivated to leave. It’s not your fault if you try a thousand ways and it still stays; it is IT who is stubborn and wanting to stay, you didn’t do anything. Try a little at knowing it better to know what it wants, and never deny its existence or it will make itself too comfortable.

And reaching out for a friend is always wonderful, too. It’s ok if you can’t do some things alone. We’re not born alone, as much as that’s said. We’re literally a social species, not in the sense of “If you’re not extrovert you’ll die” but as in we literally have people around us. And some of us are willing to help someone that needs it, even if it’s just help at re-learning how to blink. No matter how “silly” or “unimportant” it may feel, asking for help when you need it is always a step forwards, okay buddy?

So whatever the source of your Sad is, that’s not your fault, and it’s ok to feel bad. The world nowadays is really tough, dark, and sometimes cruel, and we can’t do much about it.

But you know what is a blessing and absolutely a punk weapon in a dark world?

A little bit of light. 

In a world this dark and cruel, someone that dares to be a light and soft is the most punk and rebel thing that there can be. 

So you continue being this light and soft punk you are, aye? I don’t know you but goddammit do I get some soft and goodhearted vibes from across the screen. It feels like you’re a good hearted person that is trying their best, who means no harm, and who always wants others to be happy. And you know? That makes YOU one of those punks with light and softness in a world that asks you to be dark and tough.

 So you keep that up, aye! It doesn’t need to be a huge flame, just a tiny little pipsy squeaky little ember will do. And your light has nothing to do with your productivity or your joy. You can be a Walking Sad, and still be that light. And I think you will know what really makes of you that little light. 

You keep being you, with this rebelious soft sparkle, and keep feeling sad! Because sad is ok, and so it is not being ok. It’s the only way we can later on be ok, just like there is only day after the night, rainbow after rain, or smile after Sad.

And you come for any of your friends or acquaintances you trust and feel comfy with if the puma doesn’t leave. Maybe we can’t get it to leave, but we’ll always bring some of your favorite snacks and sit with you so you don’t feel so threatened or uncomfortable with it around, and we’ll sit there with you until it leaves, and even after that, until you want us to, aye?

You’re not alone, buddy, and you’re not ok and that’s ok, and you WILL be okay, and that is a promise! So keep looking forwards to that, my friend, don’t you feel hopeless or like giving up because I ain’t giving up on you, aye!!!

[themisanthropiclycanthrope]

hi! merlahad prompt: during the lancelot trials Eggsy and Roxy bet on whether Harry is in a relationship. Eggsy says he's single but Roxy is convinced he has a wife. so they try to find out which one of them is right, but since harry is a private person and merlin for some reason doesn't indulge their need for gossip they don't get an answer. until one day Eggsy comes to harry's for a spontaneous visit and finds harry&merlin being horribly domestic and welp now they both lost their bet.

Hi! Thanks for the prompt! This is mostly Eggsy failing to out-spy the spies, but hopefully there’s enough Merlahad feels at the end to compensate (:

Continue beneath the cut, or read on AO3.

“You what? Harry ain’t married!”

Roxy remained unfazed by Eggsy’s retort,spluttered as it was through a snort of laughter. “I’m sure he is,” sheinsisted. “There’s absolutely no way a man like him could possibly be single.”

“But he’s a spy! I’m pretty sure they haveregulations about that kinda thing.”

“They do, but there are always exceptions.And if ever there was a Kingsman unafraid to bend the rules, don’t you think it’sGalahad?”

Eggsy couldn’t argue with that, but neithercould he quite picture Harry with a wife. Maybe it was because he didn’t thinkHarry would be so unkind as to bugger off on missions with no idea if he’d everreturn home, the poor woman never knowing if she would see him again. Or maybeit was something more tangible.

“But he don’t wear a ring!” He grinned intriumph, certain he had hit upon incontrovertible proof.

Roxy rolled her eyes heavenward, unconvinced.“Of course not, he’s a spy.”

His own argument turned back on him, Eggsyscowled in the face of her logic. She was right; Harry would hardly riskproviding enemies with details of his private life, gifting them potentialtargets.

“And why else would he have been so eagerto hurry home tonight?” Roxy continued, stacking up her evidence with glee. “He’srarely on time for anything, so it must be important. Maybe today’s theiranniversary, or her birthday…”

“Or maybe he just wanted to catch the XFactor results,” Eggsy countered. Roxy’s withering look told him exactlywhat she thought of that suggestion. “Yeah, okay, but you still ain’t gonnaconvince me he’s married.”

“How much?”

“How much what?”

“How much do you want to bet you’reright?”

Eggsy wasn’t exactly flush, but hecouldn’t pass up on a wager with a mate, which Roxy was fast becoming. “Twentyquid says he’s single.”

“You’re on.” 

Roxy offered her hand and they shook,sealing the deal.

Proving he was right turned out to be moredifficult than Eggsy had assumed it would be. Thankfully, that meant neitherwas he being proven wrong, which was something at least, and his moneyremained safe. For now.

A naturally private man with years of trainingand successful service as a secret agent, Harry was an infuriatingly hard nutto crack.

“So, how do you spend your downtime then?”Eggsy enquired of him during one of the rare times the candidates were granteda breather.

“How do you mean?”

“I dunno. I mean, you must get the odd daywhen you ain’t off saving the world. Do you watch the footy? Play Xbox? Chillwith your mates?”

“Even if I knew what those things were, I’mquite certain the answer would still be no.”

Eggsy was sure Harry was beingdeliberately obtuse, but every attempt to switch tactics was met with furtherevasion.

After receiving a text from his mum—therewas news of a free sim deal and she’d let him know if she got a new number andhow was he getting on?—Eggsy took one final punt.

“Must be hard not being able to sharestuff with your loved ones.”

“Is that something you think you’ll have aproblem with?”

“Nah, bruv. You know I can keep me mouthshut. But it must suck not being able to talk about it when you’ve had a shitday.”

“We all find ways to deal with the shit,as well as celebrate our triumphs.”

“Yeah? What do you do then?”

Harry smiled a small, private smile. “Itusually involves a nice martini.”

The subtle approach was getting Eggsyprecisely nowhere. Harry was accustomed to withstanding more refinedinterrogation than Eggsy’s clumsy attempts at prying into his private life.Short of coming right out and just asking him, Eggsy was soon out of ideas.

Except one.

“You’ve known Harry a long time, right?”

“I have.”

“What’s he like when he’s not being AgentGalahad? Is he always that posh?” Merlin was just staring at him, faceunreadable, so Eggsy forged on, aiming for casual. “I’ll bet he’s properromantic. Does he have a girlfriend?”

“Why the sudden interest?” Merlin quirkedan eyebrow. “You don’t have designs on Galahad, do you, Eggsy?”

“What?! Fuck no! I mean, he’s pretty fitfor his age and that, I suppose, but I ain’t…” Eggsy trailed off when he sawminute smile twitching at the corner of Merlin’s mouth. “Bastard. I was justwondering.”

“Perhaps you should apply your mind to themore pertinent matter of taking down those targets.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Eggsy turned his attentionback to the range and fired his remaining shots. Thanks to his Marine training,this was something he was actually decent at, so it didn’t much matter that hismind continued to wander.

Merlin had been a crap choice of subjectfor information gathering. Their stoic quartermaster was clearly not so easilydrawn into gossip.

But before Eggsy could come up with PlanC, everything went tits up.

When Harry was lying unconscious in theinfirmary bed, he received notably few visitors. The other agents popped in,and Arthur, of course, but the only person who spent more time at his bedsidethan Eggsy was Merlin.

Roxy argued that they probably didn’tallow non-Kingsman personnel on site, but Eggsy was convinced they would makean exception for a spouse whose husband was in a critical condition.

When he woke up, at least Harry had Merlinthere to look after him.

“Guess where I’ve been?” 

Roxy glanced up at Eggsy and waited to beenlightened.

“Harry’s house.”

“Oh!” Now she looked properlyinterested. “And?”

“No sign of a wife, I’m afraid.” Eggsytried not to look too smug.

Roxy frowned, thinking over this newinformation. “That makes sense, if you think about it. We were only grantedtwenty-four hours, so she must have offered to go out and give you and Harrysome time alone.”

“Ah, but you didn’t see his house. It’s atotal bachelor pad, no sign of a woman’s touch anywhere.” Harry’s decor hadperhaps been a little eccentric, but there had been a notable lack of the kindof things Eggsy guessed women usually liked to have around the home. He wasonly basing this conclusion on his own mum, really, and he wasn’t so shallow asto think all women were the same, but he thought his general theory held.

“So you checked the bedroom? The bathroomcabinets?”

Eggsy deflated. Roxy had a point. MaybeHarry’s hypothetical wife shared his taste in the mildly bizarre, but she wouldcertainly have her own set of toiletries and stuff. A grin split Roxy’s face,proclaiming her small victory.

“We was a bit busy,” Eggsy said,defensive. Learning how to make the perfect martini had taken precedence oversnooping through Harry’s underwear drawer, although he was now cursing themissed opportunity.

He soon set about rectifying hisoversight.

Harry had said he was welcome to visit,but turning up unannounced on his doorstep might be a bit rude. Thankfully,Harry didn’t seem pissed to see him, and Eggsy was invited in. 

“We’ve already had dinner, I’m afraid, butyou’re welcome to join us for a drink.”

Eggsy perked up at the we, hisheart sinking a little at the confirmation that Roxy had been correct allalong. Nonetheless, his curiosity had been piqued, and he followed Harrythrough to the living room only to pause in the doorway, baffled.

“Merlin!”

Kingsman’s tech wizard looked up from thetablet perched on his knee, glanced at Harry over Eggsy’s shoulder, thenreturned his attention to Eggsy.

“Good evening, Eggsy.”

It was obvious he was confused by Eggsy’sunexpected appearance, but Harry took control, ushering Eggsy to an armchairand fetching another glass to prepare him a drink. He also took the opportunityto refresh his own and Merlin’s before taking a seat beside Merlin on the sofa.

Merlin tapped a few final times on thetablet, then set it aside on the small table beside him, giving his shrewdattention to their guest. With dawning realisation, Eggsy guessed he must haveinterrupted some kind of casual work meeting.

If that was the case, Harry didn’t seem tomind, smiling at Eggsy as he sipped his martini. “To what do we owe thepleasure?”

“I just wanted to say thanks.” Eggsy waswinging it, but went with his heart. “For believing in me, giving me thisopportunity. Not many people have ever done that for me, y’know.”

“I am very pleased my gut instinct provedcorrect, and I have every faith you’ll be equally successful in your next test.Don’t you think, Merlin?”

“He has performed admirably so far, aye,but I’m afraid I must remain impartial.”

“Of course.” But Harry gave Eggsy a lookthat said not to take any notice.

They continued to chat, Eggsy relaxing inthe company and happy not to have seen any sign of the elusive wife. About halfan hour later the conversation waned and Harry yawned with a hand to his mouthand a word of apology.

He was probably still recovering from thecoma, and Eggsy felt a bit of a dick for imposing on his rest. He was about tomake his excuses and leave when Harry leaned across Merlin to place his emptyglass on the end table. Rather than straightening up, he remained pressedagainst Merlin’s side, settling comfortably as if he fully intended to staythere. After a moment, his head dropped to Merlin’s shoulder, his eyes droopingshut.

Merlin froze, awkward, his gaze flickingfrom Eggsy to the man lounging against him. He gave Harry a gentle nudge.

“Perhaps it’s time you took yourself offto bed,” he suggested, tone carefully neutral.

Harry gave a sleepy smile and raised ahand, trailing his fingers lazily down Merlin’s chest, suggestive heat in hisvoice when he spoke. “Only if you’ll join me, darling.”

Merlin grasped Harry’s hand, halting itscaress. “Harry.” The mild warning in his tone was enough to rouse Harry, whoimmediately sat up, aware and contrite.

“Shit, I’m sorry. That was terriblyinappropriate of me.”

The silence that followed was filled for amoment with embarrassed uncertainty, until Eggsy grinned at the pair of them,everything finally slotting into place. It was incredible that neither he norRoxy had figured it out sooner, it just seemed so…obvious. So right.

His reaction must have been enough toreassure Merlin, for he hooked an arm around Harry’s shoulders and hauled himback in, the tension in his rigid posture visibly ebbing. “Come here, you daftbastard.” There was such fond affection in his voice, in the way he looked atthe man curled up against his side, that Eggsy wondered how he had ever thoughtMerlin so terrifying. No doubt he’d be reminded soon enough, but at that momenthe was granted the honour of sharing in their happiness.

It did, however, quickly become a bit toosappy, and Eggsy decided he had overstayed his welcome.

“I think it’s time I was getting back. I’llsee meself out.”

There was a mumble from the sofa as Harryand Merlin bade him good night, quite happy to remain where they were.

As he left, Eggsy took care of one finalpiece of business, snapping a quick photo with his phone and sending it to Roxywith an accompanying message.

Call it a draw?