#ALSO SASH BECOMING A THERAPIST FKJWJAHSBWBSJRGGKEJWWQHBDJWBSHWHABDHWHSBWBWJKEBWBDJWBDKWBRJWHDBWJSBDBEJWJFOENEJSJEBE

[thebuttsmcgee]

Me who hasn't caught up with the last few eps of amphibia even tho it literally ended now: hoo boy twitch has the last ep streaming!

[ask-the-crimson-king]

The Return from Art Hell

[RIGHT. SO. THIS TOOK. A BIT. 

Explanations, artist mumblings, and detail shots below the cut, also tagging @luwupercal​ cause you may enjoy the story behind why this exists and what is happening.

SO this image is based on a small Discord rp thing I did with a few others on here where Horus:

Came back. First as a Warp blob, but then with the aid of Magnus, he was able to get a more solid form, (which was a small husky puppo) and eventually becomes this big ol fucker. (Who was designed by @hoholupercal​ )

This was a pain in the fucking ass to draw. I must’ve had five or six drafts on this alone cause I couldn’t get shit right. The pose, the posture, the head (I cannot fucking draw wolves lol I draw birbs) AND THEN I FORGOT IMPORTANT DETAILS RIGHT AS I WAS ALMOST DONE WITH THE FUCKING LINEART. But I do like how this came out, personally. Especially the fire. Very happy with how it looks. 

NOW, along with Warp blob Horus returning, there was a bit of a reunion among brothers. And with this reunion came several revelations, one of which... well, let’s say this nerd:

He learned the truth about what happened to Prospero. Horus confessed. And Magnus was, understandably, pissed. And Horus was, understandably, feeling incredibly guilty and broody.

Now for the random artist tangent: I said fuck the TTS wings and fuck the model wings and based his wings off the Magnus v Guilliman pic because those look cool as fuck and are superior to many other incarnations (including the ones mentioned) and you cannot change my mind. Also the blue sash was because I realized just how much fucking red was gonna be in this picture and decided to add more blue.

Also also added Pandora, the kitten, because why not.

Now, what happens when you have a pissed nerd and a broody wolfish bastard?

You get this little birdstard:

Acting as a botched therapist, trying to force him to talk about his emotional issues and stop being weird and broody. Does it work? Kinda. Kazakh did pull out a knife. Or tried to.

SO that’s why Kazakh is yelling at Horus. Essentially he’s saying “HEY, YOU, STOP BEING WEIRD AND FACE YOUR EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS!” to which Horus is saying “No.”

So. This all happens, and then the brothers start talking again. And eventually the topic switches to that of Kor Phaeron and Erebus since they’re really the ones responsible for everything going to shit. Among other things.

To make a longer story short, the band splits up after making a plan. They’re going to pin one against the other -- Erebus is going to be poisoned and sent a letter that’s “””from””” Kor Phaeron (plagiarism, woo), provoking him into openly attacking the old bastard. Kazakh and Lorgar end up going to the Venegeful Spirit to go poison Erebus, while Magnus, Sanguinius, and Horus prepare to find Kor Phaeron on Sicarus.

Only one problem -- Kor Phaeron isn’t on Sicarus. He’s on the Spirit. And Kazakh and Lorgar find this out after seeking out Abbadon in order to figure out a way to test the poison that Lorgar can create. Kazakh quickly goes flying off to find Magnus and tell him what’s happened, and after some deliberation, Magnus suggests to be direct and to have both of them killed outright instead of them killing each other. He offers to kill Kor Phaeron in Lorgar’s stead, but Lorgar says that he needs to do it.

And so he does. And it is a ride. A feelsy ride. Horus goes to kill Erebus and it’s less feelsy because it’s essentially a one-and-done but no one is complaining. Bastard is gone. 

Sanguinius senses Lorgar’s distress and pulls him back through a portal to their little sanctuary (where this saga began, with the arrival of warp blob Horus) in order to give him comfort. 

AND THUS, we come to the end of the tale, and to the final scene.

Sang, chilling with Lorgar, enjoying a nice, calm conversation and a drink or two.

While Horus enjoys a bottle to himself.

Other little note things: I just threw everyone in the Warp because. Listen. Okay. It was 2:30 am and I was like ‘aw fuck I don’t have an idea for a good background’ so I just yeeted the background together hastily cause DEAR FUCK I WANTED TO BE DONE ALREADY.

AND NOW I AM! A total of 15 or so hours later, and you all get an art piece and a tale. 

Also if anyone wants to come at me for Lorgar and Magnus not having horns, take it up with my wrist because No. Magnus can make his form variable and that four horned Lorgar thing is only fan art, it’s not canon. He and Perturabo don’t have canon daemon prince forms. 

Also also I know I drew a beefcake but please, if you’ve read this far, DON’T FUCKING THIRST OVER MY ART. IT’s not meant to be fetish-y or anything. If you think it’s hot or sexy KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. Don’t leave weird tag comments please. It makes me very uncomfortable. 

Anyway, thanks for reading. This is probably rambly as fuck, and incoherent at points, but if you did read this far, good for you! You get this Kazakh:

[nodesiretogrowup]

ok, I think I’m ready for my in depth recap/analyse/review of today’s episodes, one by one

hopefully this shows up in the tag because my last few posts haven’t for some reason

Challenge of the Senior Junior Woodchucks!:

Frank-This season is about legacy. The first word we hear-LEGACY

The graduation ceremony took me back to my Girl Scout days. And is pretty accurate to the graduation ceremonies I did in scouts, though they had more levels. And the names of their ranks made more sense than the Girl Scout ones. Not sure how the Boy Scout ones work.

Poor Donald. Though from what we see in this episode, it might be better to not be a Woodchuck. They’re a bit...intense.

RETURN OF THE FANNY PACK

Launchpad’s notes were great. He totally wrote them, hence the grape jelly stain

THE LITTLE BABY SCOUTS ARE SO CUTE

The title is a lie. They’re trying to become Senior Woodchucks. And the challenge itself was called the Junior Woodchuck Wilderness Challenge

Poor Huey, that’s always awkward

DUCKTALES SAYS GAY RIGHTS

LENA SAYS GAY RIGHTS

Lena cheering Violet on was ADORABLE

The “I’m with Dad” shirts...chef’s kisses. I now want them to make NEVERENDING DAD JOKES

Vi’s little blush DAAAWWW

Why would Huey have seen her at scout events? I thought Violet had just moved to Duckburg, though I might be remembering wrong. Even then, Duckburg is a fairly large city she might have gone to events closer to where she lived

That fold out sash is DOPE

“DEWEY’S BROTHER!” Ouch, Launchpad.

Huey’s little wave

PROUD MAMA DELLA MODE ACTIVATED

DELLA’S IN THE THEME SONG! We all knew it would happen, but still. I NEED more Della/Launchpad interactions. They look like they’ll have a fun dynamic

He probably isn’t, but I’m gonna pretend that little asian scout is Russel from Up

Webby is a good friend

When Launchpad took Huey’s guidebook it reminded me a lot of whenever someone took the Journals away from Dipper. Complete with self doubt

Dewey is a horrible pep-talker

“Show the other nerds that you are king nerd.” Louie is actually a pretty good pep-talker. He could be a motivational speaker

I like Violet’s quirk of calling the others by their full name (ie Webbigail, Huebert)

Lena takes her new big sister role SERIOUSLY

I really like that the person Scrooge looks up to is a woman. And him sharing a room with his parents was a nice touch

“Story about Scrooge as a kid in 3..2..” Louie knows the formula (probably why he just accepted the sitcom lol)

The bee one made me laugh because alliteration...and bees

How did that map/painting work? It looked like she was actually holding it but the picture still looks fine after Scrooge peels the map off

“OOO, TWIST” I love you Della

I love the Tittertwill and its song and dance. I want it as my ringtone. And I want plushies. STAT

“I’m speechifying” I’m gonna use that next time someone interrupts me

I hope someone gets a good screencap of that post. I want to see what all is on there

Violet trash-talking is ADORABLE. She wants to fit in

“CALL HIM A CLOWN!”

When they tried handshaking...too cute! I don’t really like shipping the kids because of how young they are and that they haven’t had much experience in the crush/romance department...but Huey and Violet are adorable and I think they both have crushes on each other

I kind of wonder what Launchpad was doing while everything was going on. Also he looks SO HOT in that uniform

I didn’t notice it the first time, but all three groups took a different path. Neat

I got upset when Huey used his water bottle to make a compass. Now that lid is dirty and the rest of your water will spill

Violet dots her i’s with a Mickey. The note also made me think of the halfway there joke in an episode of Spongebob

“Do you feel appropriately razzed?” This girl is too sweet

Huey going back to pick up the note so he doesn’t litter

The little growls Donald was doing while swatting at the mosquito were cute. Also FUCK MOSQUITOS

Dewey INSTANTLY forming a connection with the bird is great

“Aw, they’re both cute” My thoughts exactly

“It’s JUST a mosquito, you should give it some of your blood”

I like that over the episode we see Huey continue to forgo the rules to try and boost his chance of winning while Violet follows them

WHY THE FUCK IS THERE LIGHTNING RAIN?!

In Huey’s panic he forgets what he knows. I feel like that’s gonna come back

“That was the smack-talking” Vi is extra adorable in this episode

Webby’s disappointment in the lack of actual giants, cute

Donald and Della should start a slapstick comedy duo

“YOU WANT US TO FOLLOW YOU ON A BRAND NEW ADVENTURE, WELL LET’S GO”

I love when Huey sings

Huey needs to see a therapist cuz that shit ain’t normal

I like him giving the guidebook a soothing, southern voice. Did anyone else think of Ratatouille when the book showed up? Like how Remy imagined Chef Gusto

“Well that’s a pickle of a different color” Oh southerns and your weird expressions

My sister kept saying that the bear looked like it was mixed with a hyena and I can totally see it. Maybe he’s a lost Wuzzle lol

“THAT BEAR DON’T CARE FOR BOOK LEARNIN"

“I’m the food"

VIOLET HAS A KNIFE

Even though I knew it would happen, I was still very disappointed in Huey for not helping Violet. That’s a dick move

“CURSE MY FLAWLESS SLAMS”

God, poor Donald

WHY DO YOU WANT YOUR FAMILY TO DIE, SCROOGE?

I love how blunt Louie is

“EVERYONE FOLLOW THAT BIRD” *Blue Bird of Happiness flashbacks*

WHY THE FLYING FUCK IS THE LAST MARKER IN A GODDAMN ACTIVE VOLCANO?! 

“Where you go I cannot follow” I love JW

“I DON’T KNOW, I’M GONNA THROW THIS ROCK” That’s how I solve my problems

HUEY’S LOSING HIS GODDAMN MIND

“I’m so mad I can’t even aliterrate”

“I’m cold and terrified, sounds like an adventure to me”

“Poppycock, whoever told you that?” “YOU”

“So let’s rewrite history” That was last season, Dewey

Scrooge doing the song and dance was great

“WHAT IS HAPPENING?!” “I DON’T KNOW, WHY ARE YOU IMAGINING THIS?!” That’s some fucked up shit right there

“Wait, there’s a failure badge?” I would like one

I’m glad they clarified that the challenge isn’t a one time only thing because I was confused

I like that this show included the lesson that it’s ok to fail. I still struggle with that to this day

Violet opening up to Huey is sweet. And offering to share the win. She’s a good noodle

“I thought this would be more climatic” BITCH YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF AN ACTIVE VOLCANO! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?

“I RESPOND TO AUTHORITY” And she just pats him on the head

“LAUNCHPAD?!” “LAUNCHPAD?!” “Hey, I’m Launchpad” COMEDY GOLD

I KNEW DELLA WAS GONNA BE THAT MOM! I NEED MORE OF IT!

“YEAH, CUZ YOUR A...” “Lena, please”

Launchpad giving Huey one of his failure badges is kind of adorable. Though I thought you could only earn one of each badge. Then again they have a failure badge so normal scout rules probably don’t apply here

Dude, that DEATH GLARE Della gives Launchpad. Something tells me this isn’t over yet. I hope this means Della is gonna see Launchpad as her Sitcom Nemesis while he’s completely unaware of it. Like DW and Gizmoduck

The Sabrewing family is ADORABLE and MOST BE PROTECTED AT ALL COSTS

JW returning as a ghost. I’m not sure if that’s funny or dark

I feel like the Duck family finding the journal is...unfair in a way. Like Violet got to become the Senior Woodchuck but Huey and his family are gonna find tons of treasure/get rich and famous

I think we’ve got some future episode titles in there

I thought Goldie said she found the fountain of youth, why was it in the journal

“MY NAME IS DEWEY”

OMG FOWL!!! I think it’s funny that Phantom Blot is still wearing his FunZone mascot costume

And now we know what this season’s goal is

Seeing Della with her family was great. Like everyone has said, it feels like she was meant to be there the whole time. Her and Donald were great. It was nice to see them being all sibling-y. I heard that this wasn’t intended to be the season opener but you could of fooled me. This sets up everything so nicely for the season. Huey is going to question who he is and what defines him. We have a list of treasures to be discovered. And we see the FOWL are after those treasures too. This was a solid season opener that has me excited for the journey ahead.

[musicallynerdy]

hey ryn long time no see that d&d ask meme is insanely cool (frankly I love all of them so I tried to choose but there are still a lot, feel free not to answer all of these), so: 2, 3, 7, 9, 11, 12, 15, 16, 20, 23, 24, 26, 27, 31, 33, 35, 44, 60, 72, 77, 87, 93, 94, 97!

Hi Taylor! Long time no see! I hope you’re hanging in there! @hoot-h00t So, Hannah sent me a few of these last night on my D&D sideblog (@gmsguild) so I’ll skip those ones but I’m gonna do the rest! I’m gonna focus on my primary character, Sahar, my tiefling wizard in my home Tal’Dorei game.  2. Who in the party would your character trust the most with their life? I think our party rogue most likely. A few weeks ago (in game time) the rogue saved her life (literally- failed death save, would have been dead if that shadow hit me again), and Sahar returned the favor in a fight with a succubus, so there’s some trust there. 

3. What are your character’s core moral beliefs? I think she’s redeveloping her morals for the first time in a decade. She’s becoming a better person and it’s interesting really interesting to play. She never hurts kids, she’s willing to do whatever it takes to protect those she loves, and she’s devoted to the pursuit of knowledge. She’s got a dark side and isn’t afraid to hurt or kill to get what she needs, but she’s starting to try not to cause more harm. I think she feels the need to make up for what she’s done in the past. 

7. Describe your character’s current appearance: clothes, armor, scars they’ve picked up along the journey, etc? Sahar Tel’Urdyn is a deep purple-skinned tiefling with these stormy grey eyes with catlike pupils and a light blue nictitating membrane that she can flick over them. Her horns come from her forehead and then curl back forward similar to but not the same as a bighorn sheep (I don’t really know how to describe them?), and she has a thin pointed tail that flicks like a cat’s when she’s excited. Her hair is a darker purple, close to black, and is pulled back in a single french braid. She has a number of piercings, earlobes and cartilage. One of her cartilage piercings has a thin chain that connects to a band around one of her horns. She also has a belly button piercing, a nose stud, and a ring in her tail, all in silver tones. With the exception of the chain, she wears almost entirely studs, bars, or rings. Nothing that could catch on something or make noise. She has a number of scars and tattoos from the Tragic Backstory, but the most interesting is probably a lot of blackwork on her left arm that extends from her hand up to her elbow, almost like she dipped her arm in ink (although there is a triangular design on the hand, almost looking like a bit of that type of glove that only attaches to the middle finger?)-- or more accurately it looks like blackwork but it’s actually a lot of really intricate work, lots of script and sigils.  She wears a white, v-necked, with lacing in the V, like a flowy pirate shirt sorta thing, with black pants and brown leather boots, and a dark blue almost black sash around her waist. She has a dagger at her waist and her spellbook sort of sits in a bit of a holster thing in the small of her back. She hasn’t actually picked up much over the journey... she’s got a really nice dark gray traveling cloak she took off of... some dead body somewhere. She’s also got a wand of magic missiles tucked into a leather thigh sheath. She’s probably got a scar or two from the one battle I’ll detail below in number 15.  9. What deity, if any, does your character worship? What’s their opinion on other people’s worship? She grew up worshiping the Moonweaver but sort of lost a lot of her faith during the Tragic Backstory period. As a wizard she also prays occasionally to Ioun. She doesn’t really have opinions on other people’s worship so long as it doesn’t start causing her problems.  

11. Describe your character’s current relationship with the player character sitting to your right. So my group is a crew of old friends from my hometown, so we haven’t played in person in a while. 

12. What is your character’s current goal, summed up in one sentence? To crack this puzzle cube and learn more about conjuration and transmutation magic in the process. 

15. What battle in the campaign has been most memorable to your character? Oof so we broke this girl out of prison, she’s the daughter of a crime lord, but in the process we sort of... alerted the entire town to what we were doing and our barbarian punched the guard captain in the face? So we were burnt and tried to get out of town and hide, but they sent guards after us and we had no spells left and our barbarian had one rage and our rogue, our warlock, and our druid all went in with like low health and Sahar ended up having to be a tank for the battle and was just casting shocking grasp and somehow we still won? We killed six guards coming after us and somehow got away. That was the moment it was like ok we’re a team and we have each other’s backs even when shit royally hits the fan. 

16. If your character wasn’t whatever class they are, what would they be instead? Probably a bard or a warlock. Magic is just like, ingrained in her and she’s a curious motherfucker so like, if her troupe had lived she probably would have become a bard, or she would have stumbled into something deep and dark and made a pact with something for knowledge. If she had focused in her Tragic Backstory more on the sneaking bit of being an assassin rather than the “i will kill people creatively with magic” bit, possibly a rogue too. 

23. If your character could go back in time and change one thing about their life, what would it be? To not get kidnapped by the crew of the Talon’s Breath because that just started a decade of bad things. On the other hand, without that she probably would never have gotten to Tal’Dorei from Marquet and would never have found the party, which she’s starting to count as the best experience in her life. But it doesn’t erase the previous decade. 

24. Which other player character does your character find themselves having the most in common with? Definitely our party rogue. Tragic Backstory Buddies

26. What would your character say their best trait would be? “My Wit, of course” (her virtue name she used for years was Wit, so that’s a pun)

27. What is your character’s greatest fear? Deep, irrational? Ooh tough one. She’s afraid of losing her powers, I think. Her magic has been what has kept her alive and allowed her to become who she is and I think she’s wrapped up so much of her identity into the magic she wouldn’t know who she is without it. She uses minor illusion like people in the real world use a fidget spinner. I think she’d have a hard time functioning without her magic. It was a source of trauma and now it’s the way she’s helped herself through that trauma. She’s definitely going to need to deal with that at some point but therapists are hard to come by in Tal’Dorei. 

31. What stereotypical group role does your character play in the party? (The Mom, the Mess, the Comic Relief, etc. Optionally: What role would your character play in the “Five Man Band” structure?) Ya know I’m not sure. She’s sort of the brains (her intelligence is like a full 4 points above anyone else’s in the party) but really our party is six dumbasses held together by spit and a prayer and the fact that they keep stumbling on sketchy shit in every small town they come to (literally, they’ve had one town that hasn’t had sketchy shit going on in it) (well, and one city. So two stops on their entire journey). 

33. What person does your character admire most? In our party? Tough choice. Probably Thea, our warlock. She’s a 16 year old human girl and Sahar just thinks the world of this kid. She also has this huge Big Sister drive to keep this girl safe and also teach her about magic. 

35. Why is your character’s lowest stat their lowest (the in-character reason, not “because there’s no reason for a wizard to have 16 strength, duh”)? 10 in strength (I rolled well) but in character, she never really had a chance to develop it. She was the prisoner of a cartel for years and just didn’t have the space or the means to build up her strength. 

44. Does your character think more with their heart or their brain? Brain. 18 intelligence. She’s a wizard. Everything is logic. 

60. What decision would the party have to make in order for your character to consider splitting off from the group? Answered over at @gmsguild with number 20!

72. Who in the party would your character trust the most to keep an important secret? Oof yikes... honestly? Probably Mire, our barbarian. 

77. If your character had to multiclass into a class they currently aren’t the next time they level up, what would it be and what reason would they have for doing so? hmmm..... Something with spells. She’s such a magic nerd she would do something stupid for knowledge. 

87. What major arcana tarot card best represents your character? I’m only skipping this one because I’m not really familiar with tarot

93. Who in the party does your character trust the least? All of them. We all have flaws that make us untrustworthy in particular circumstances. But also she knows all of them have her back if she needs it. She just needs to know their weaknesses so she can help protect them. 

94. What is your character’s biggest flaw? She always has to be in control. It comes from years of not being in control and now she’s a bit of a control freak. 

97. What is most important to your character: health, wealth, or happiness? Happiness. I don’t think she knows what that means yet, but she left employment with a crime lord that could have made her very rich because she knew it wasn’t making her happy.  Thanks, Taylor, that was fun! Took me like 2 hours, but whatev. Hope you’re hanging in there!  Also I’m reading back through this and realizing like, folks trying to piece together her Tragic Backstory from this and my post on @gmsguild are going to have a rough time Much love to my party yall are amazing and I love you (@geekoz87, @skirtsandbattleaxes, @miniaturetanks, @vaguelyconcerning, @tenebris-felidae)

[twistednuns]

December 2019

Maxim calling out of the blue, inviting me to the Mine concert later that month.

Stumbling upon great inspiration for plant-based buddha bowls.

@shitgothssay memes.

Zotter salted caramel chocolate.

Finding out about the fact that you can just add the letter A to some words to transform them into adjectives. Like aglitter or aglow and aglisten.

Ayurvedic Kapha tea with some black tea, honey and milk. Sonnentor Gute Laune tea. Green tea with toasted coconut.

Isana shower oil. Works wonders for dry skin. Such a smooth and creamy texture. Great for shaving, too.

Winning the pub quiz - again! I played with Maggie, Dennis, Daniel and Steffen (Team name: Three geese in a trenchcoat) and we won 178€. However, the best thing about this was when I finally solved the anagram after thinking about it for 10 minutes. It was Greta Thunberg! Winning is lovely, of course, but solving the anagram is already a personal win for me each time.

Tuesdays. Coming home early, sleeping it off.

Being super rested after a nap, cooking a huge pot of veggie stew and my ratatouille signature recipe, even preparing a batch of butter bean hummus and salad dressing. Listening to folk music, singing along, even dancing at some point. Standing there, peeling the potatos… Happy moment.

Signature manicure. Always. This time: bluish iridescent lilac with the obligatory black dot.

A personal realisation. I’ve been massively out of touch with myself. I’ve stopped journaling, stopped doing things for myself because they’re beneficial and not because they’re convenient and numb everything. And why is that a good thing? Well, only being at this point and realising what’s wrong with me makes it possible to do something against it. To come up a self-care plan. To make myself feel better.

Semi-deleting Facebook.

Spending time with Manu for the first time in three months. Watching a documentary about black holes and a cheesy Christmas movie. Ordering south Indian food, cuddling up in bed. Sometimes I don’t know why I keep isolation myself. Being around people can be really lovely and soothing if you can be yourself around them. It’s just that I often feel the presence of other living beings drains my energy.

The best massage I ever had. From now on I’ll always request Yaya as my massage therapist. She is SICK. Strong, merciless, forces me into weird poses and makes my back crack.

Also: the chocolate-filled mint hard candy they hand out at the massage studio. I used to hate mint-infused chocolate but somehow I think these are delicious. Perfect after-torture-treat.

Persimmons. Obsessed.

My eye colour in artificial light. A dark moss green with caramel-coloured speckles and a dark rim.

The National playing a 2-hour-long concert and including some of my favourite songs from the High Violet album. Fangirling with Anika.

The smell of cold. You know, that whiff of cool air you get when you’re sniffing a jacket that’s been hanging on the balcony for a few hours to air out.

Learning more about Claire Saffitz from this article - she likes arts and crafts, is a homebody and has degrees in history and literature! She basically enrolled in culinary school because she was bored after graduation. She’s an enigma of a quirky kind. Not brilliant and scattered, but determined and aimless. Not brave and rebellious, but anxious and creative. She hates change yet pursues it, wants order but trades in chaos. She’s loved because she hates stuff; performs well because she can’t perform. And above all, she’s aggressively regular—and something about this makes the crowd go wild.

Fresh laundry smell on my blankets and pillows. And my new gravity blanket. It weighs 11kg which feels crazy heavy when you carry it but the weight evenly distributes over the body when you’re lying down. Apparently the pressure triggers the release of stress hormones. So far I’m sleeping like a baby and I don’t seem to wake up or move much at night.

Stephanie Madewell. I love everything she writes, her blog is such a godsend of beautiful, important, eclectic ideas. One thing I especially like are her imaginary outfits.

Princess Margaret’s limerick contest with President Lyndon B. Johnson in The Crown. Pure comedy. “There was a young lady from Dallas / who used a dynamite stick as a phallus / they found her vagina in North Carolina / and her asshole in Buckingham Palace.”

Little pieces of string in the corners of a duvet cover. It’s the first time I’ve seen those. So practical for big blankets!

Mental health days. I needed this. So much. Mornings in bed, reading for hours. Drinking a whole pot of tea.

Partner yoga. Chanting the closing mantra together.

Making vegan energy balls for my brother. I adapted the recipe and made my own versions so I ended up with a batch of pistachio/cherry and mango/sesame.

Freaking out whenever I see a cute cat. Damn, I really need to spend more time with animals. My highlight: breakfast in bed, watching a video of an adorable cat giving birth. I cried. Yup.

Going swimming for the first time in, man, I don’t even know. Forever. I didn’t swim for a long time, maybe half an hour, but muscle memory kicked in immediately. Water is totally my element. And, as if it had been destiny: I chose the day they cut the hanging plants in the main hall and the guy gave me a variety of five different cuttings to take home!! He made me a very happy girl.

The ink blue sky right after sunset. / The morning after the full moon in Gemini (the moon still bright and huge, visible in the bluish-grey Western sky). / When the sun suddenly comes out after a very dark and gloomy morning.

Buying a new phone. The old one was broken beyond repair. I even got a nice cork protective case. How could I ever live without an uncracked screen? The battery now actually lasts for more than a day. Nice.

Odd bits of knowledge: A galanthophile is an enthusiastic collector and identifier of snowdrop (Galanthus) species and cultivars. (Wikipedia) // Scientists theorize the Universe might have cracks in it: long thin boundaries that formed as space cooled after the Big Bang. 95 billion lightyears long and a few femtometers thin, these wrinkles in space-time would hold enough energy to bend light and destroy entire planets. (PHD comics) // the word to bloviate (German meaning: schwafeln, langatmig vortragen) // In Japan we have three rituals: HANAMI, TSUKIMI, and YUKIMI. HANAMI is watching the flowers. TSUKIMI is watching the moon, YUKIMI is watching the snow. It’s a beautiful tradition when you invite people to watch with you. I remember them all. (Yoko Ono) // In linguistics, prosody is concerned with those elements of speech that are not individual phonetic segments (vowels and consonants) but are properties of syllables and larger units of speech, including linguistic functions such as intonation, tone, stress, and rhythm. Such elements are known as suprasegmentals. Prosody may reflect various features of the speaker or the utterance: the emotional state of the speaker; the form of the utterance (statement, question, or command); the presence of irony or sarcasm; emphasis, contrast, and focus. It may otherwise reflect other elements of language that may not be encoded by grammar or by choice of vocabulary. (Wikipedia) //

I know I mention this a lot but the first olfactory whiff of a freshly cut open passion fruit is one of the best smells I know.

When my breakfast tastes like a candy bar. Which it immediately does whenever I add almond butter and cocoa nibs to porridge.

Yoga at home on a sunny Saturday afternoon. I’m often too lazy to get out my yoga mat but whenever I do afterwards I’m always so glad I practiced. Also: going to yoga class despite being extremely stressed out. It actually helped me silence some of these tormenting thoughts in my head.

Cutting my own hair. It’s kinda ridiculous and layered but I love the new bounce.

Michael Nyman - Musique à grande vitesse x // feels like it makes my pulse quicker, it’s urging and forceful.

My adventures in psychedelia - an article about the therapeutic effect of psychoactive drugs. I’m going to get Michael Pollan’s book about the topic from the library next week. So interesting.

People who are still writing letters.

My pupils. I realised that some of them have become very fine people. Open, compassionate, motivated, interested, bright, polite. Like the students who attended our first school magazine meeting in their spare time - on the last school day before the Christmas holidays - and had all these amazing ideas. Victor, being able to hold a conversation like an adult. Marks cuddling that dog in front of the supermarket. My tenth-graders being really reasonable, managable, easy to talk to.

Liza Weil’s role as Shy Baldwin’s bass player in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. It took me three episodes to recognize her.

A little embroidery set. I love keeping my hands busy when I’m watching movies.

Making vegan walnut lebkuchen and a very good batch of crisp bread in one go.

Roast apples with candied almonds and marzipan for Christmas dinner. Some buckwheat chocolate cookies. Actually helping out my mum in the kitchen.

Sitting at the piano with my brother, singing tunes from our childhood series, Disney songs, pop songs… We both had sore throats afterwards.

Visiting Sash’s parents over Christmas. Her mum cooked a pretty great lunch and we played board games.

Learning how to make a monkey fist knot.

Finding a new spot I like in my apartment. The chair right next to the window at the kitchen table. It’s nice and warm because you can sit beside the heater and while you have breakfast or browse through a cookbook you can see what’s going on outside.

Seeing the incredible gobelins at Kunsthalle / Fäden der Moderne exhibition. I loved the Le Corbusier ones.

Visiting Manu at his parents' place. Playing board games together, his mum feeding me with parsley potatoes and a weird _bird's milk_ dessert. Lying on the sofa, watching old movies. It's weirdly nice to be part of a normal family dynamic once in a while.

Andre saving my New Year’s Eve at the very last minute. Out of the blue he suggested a trip to Czech Republic right after midnight the day before. I was like… okay, let’s do this! So I met up with him and three people I had never met before in Regensburg and we drove to Český Krumlov, checked into our fancy hotel and walked down to the city centre. Czech food for dinner, a band playing at the city square. We climbed up to the castle for the turn of the year. This must have been the first year that started out with a proper New Year’s kiss. Afterwards we went to a weird music bar and - apparently - one of the best clubs in the country. I had a lot of fun. Even though getting Andre home was quite a challenge.

[thomaspaine]

A portrait of Catharine Macaulay (née Sawbridge), English Whig Historian, Activist and Blue Stocking (1731-1791), by Robert Edge Pine

Born in Wye, Kent, and educated at home, Catharine claimed to have been interested in history from a very young age, reading books from her father’s library and delighting ‘in those histories which exhibit Liberty in its most exalted state, the annals of the Roman and Greek republics.’ This contradicts what she later told her friend, Benjamin Rush, to whom she insisted she was, ‘a thoughtless girl till she was twenty’ when she 'contracted a taste for Books and Knowledge by reading an odd volume of some history.’ Regardless of how her obsession with history came about, she went on to become England’s first female Whig historian, as well as a political activist and blue stocking. 

In 1760, at the age of 29, she married Scottish physician Dr. George Macaulay, with whom she lived in London until his death in 1766. During these years, she began to write her History of England from the Accession of James I (1603) to that of the Brunswick Line, the first volume of which was published in 1763, and for which she became famous overnight. The History was generally well received, and she continued to publish further volumes in the following years, using a batch of 17th century pamphlets which no previous historian had ever had access to. These had been provided to her by fellow Whig republican Thomas Hollis, leader of the ‘Real Whigs,’ a group of republican dissenters with whom she spent considerable time. Through her History, she promoted a radical agenda, praising the Commonwealth of England, but denouncing Oliver Cromwell. In 1767, she wrote her first political pamphlet, in support of exiled Corsican Pasquale Paoli and outlining ‘a Short Sketch of a Democratical Form of Government.’

In the 1770s, she took up the cause of America, writing a pamphlet in response to Edmund Burke’s Thoughts on the Cause of the Present Discontent, in which she identified the corruption of the British system of government as the root cause of the developing crisis in the colonies. Throughout the period she corresponded with leading colonists, including John Adams, Abigail Adams and Benjamin Rush, discussing with them the unfolding political situation on either side of the Atlantic. In 1775, she wrote a remarkable pamphlet, addressed to the inhabitants of England, Scotland and Ireland, specifically aimed at those sections of society ‘unjustly debarred the privilege of election,’ in which she encouraged them to make common cause with Americans who were also denied representation in Parliament. 

Later on in life it is fair to say she lost a few friends, through her increasingly radical politics and her controversial marriage to a much younger man, the 21 year old brother of the Scottish quack doctor and ‘pioneer sex therapist,’ James Graham, whom she married in 1777 (James also fell in love with her later). In the 1780s she became the first English radical to visit America after independence, meeting George Washington. In 1790, she wrote her Letters on Education, calling for the better education of women, and in the same year she wrote another pamphlet in response to Edmund Burke, this time in support of the French Revolution and the National Assembly. Although furnished by George Washington with plenty of materials to write a history of the American Revolution, she was unable to do so due to ill health, and likewise her History of England from the Revolution to the Present Time was left incomplete on her death in 1791.

In this portrait, painted at the outset of the American War of Independence, she wears the distinctive purple sash of a Roman Senator, demonstrating her belief in representative government. Among the pile of books is her History of England. The letter in her hand refers to her friend and patron Revd Thomas Wilson, who probably commissioned this portrait.

[stacisprout]

Book Review: Reflections on the History of the Sex Addiction Field: A Festschrift, by Jennifer P. Schneider, MD, Debra Kaplan, MA, & Mark Laaser, PhD

In today’s culture, this book matters more than ever.

Service to people suffering from the devastation of sex addiction is frequently sidetracked by disinformation “debate” over whether or not the disease even exists. In stark contrast to superficial treatment of sex addiction, this book clarifies the foundation of a 30-year movement that has only just begun to enter public consciousness. 

With today’s #metoo outpouring of stories of sexual misconduct and demands for accountability and treatment, public consciousness is changing, very quickly. People are waking up with outrage and a need for understanding - what is sexual misconduct? Is sex addiction real, and if so, what is it? What are the differences and similarities between sex addiction and sex offending? This book is a key part of this growing awareness about the origins of the sex addiction concept, and is particularly valuable for scholars, researchers, clinicians, and all fair media reporting on sex addiction.

“Simply put, we’ve reached a point in time where the diagnosis and treatment of sexual addiction is here to stay, whether it’s officially recognized or not, and whatever terminology we use to label it.”

--Foreword, Stefanie Carnes

What is a Festscrift? 

My blog spell check does not recognize the word, but authors explain the Merriam-Webster definition as “a volume of writings by different authors presented as a tribute or memorial especially to a scholar.” In this case, the collection pays tribute to entire field of clinical study and treatment of sexual addiction. It’s first-person accounts from the founders of the field are golden nuggets of wisdom we ignore at our collective peril. And, they’re fascinating!

Here are many of my favorite quotes from this book:

While I expected the uninformed, I was not prepared for the outright denial and, at times contempt, form colleagues for recovery models, particularly sex addiction. (p. 3)

Other criticisms took the form of debating the “right label.” Those unwilling to see that sex could be addictive rolled out various labels to describe the sex addict’s pattern: compulsive sexual behavior, problematic sexual behavior, hypersexual behavior, and out-of-control sexual behavior. These labels helped avoid acknowledging what many of us were seeing: addiction.(p. 6)

--Ken Adams

[At] the Vanderbilt Symposium in 2001...they not only brought together the giants from the sex addiction field, they had the presidents and leaders of [the] American Society of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (ASSECT) and Association for the Treatment of Sexual Abusers (ATSA) in the same room at the same time...I asked the presidents of AASECT and ATSA to join me on the balcony, away from the rest of the symposium participants and for the first times ever, the three presidents of these organizations met together. It was there on the balcony, that the three of us agreed that each of our organizations would invite the other two to present at each other’s annual conferences and start having conversations about how our missions overlap. (p. 19)

--Joseph M. Amico 

I was very impressed with [Patrick Carnes’] work, as were many others. Through his lectures in 1977 or 1978, he introduced me to the work of William White, who wrote about the concept of incest dynamics that can be played out in closed organizations. It helped me understand some of the incestual dynamics of the early years of the Program in Human Sexuality and even some of the early sexological organizations. (p. 29)

--Eli Coleman

As I began working in the field, I quickly discovered no one was providing dedicated treatment for female sex and love addicts, and I wanted to change that. (p. 81)

--Marnie C. Ferree

Our research group agreed there were important differences between men and women sex addicts, and were committed to writing a guide for therapists...Thankfully Marnie Ferree took on the job of editor and kept us organized and on task. Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts was published in 2012. I believe this book, and Charlotte Kasl’s book Women, Sex and Addiction (1999) are two significant works on diagnosis and treatment of female sex and love addiction. (p. 61)

--M. Deborah Corley

As a treatment community, we began to identify, treat, and develop research that guided our treatment protocols over the last several decades. We also began to see the connection between physical anorexia and sexual anorexia and recognized that “romance novels” were the “porn” of love addicts. We were one of the first programs offering “gender-specific” treatment for females. (p. 109)

--Linda Hudson

We also talked about a broader concept of sexuality where women could ask for what they wanted and be open to passion, and to fully feeling the rhythm and pulse of their bodies. Sex as an expression of love and commitment also entered the conversation. (p.119)

--Charlotte Sophia Kasl

Is it Love or Is It Addiction? was a huge success, selling over 10,000 copies in the first month it was available to bookstores via Harper & Row. It was featured on the cover of Publishers Weekly, which let both me and the publisher know that the lay audience was hungry for the information. 

Of course, then and now, love addiction was not a DSM diagnosis. Nonetheless, it did not seem to get the same amount of resistance that the subject of sex addiction had received. As a psychologist I have become ever aware that clients, not the professional, first identify a psychological problem, and because of the suffering it causes, then bring the problem to a professional. The professional then is required to figure out a name for the distress, but before it has validity, it needs research to prove it exists. Whether the professional community believes love and sex addiction is real is less important to me than that we as professionals take our clients’ problem seriously and find ways to treat it. In other words, love, romance, and sex addiction were in existence before we put a name to them, and will continue to whether professionals accept them or not. (p. 159)

With over 600,000 books sold, and hundreds of presentations world-wide, my hope is that I have made a contribution to spreading the word about the pain and peril of sex and love addiction and ways to heal from it. In addition, I have done hundreds of radio, television, print interviews including Sally Jesse Raphael, Fox O’Reilly News, Fox Morning Show...and online interviews such as CNN, PBS, and You-Tube. (p. 169)

--Brenda Schaeffer

Relevant to the discussion [of how to view partners of sex addicts], research among soldiers returning from war has shown that those who had experienced early trauma, such as childhood abuse or neglect, were at greater risk of developing PTSD in wartime. In their behavioral health treatment, these soldiers need to deal with both sets of traumatic experiences - the more recent ones in war, and the earlier ones in childhood. I believe that the same is true for partners of sex addicts. Initially they need validation of their relational trauma and empathy. But many partners of sex addicts also need to work through their earlier experiences, to understand and overcome the unhealthy coping strategies they may have developed early in life to deal with their childhood trauma and which now prevent them from feeling in control of their lives and able to make good choices. (p.178)

--Jennifer P. Schneider, MD, PhD

Some years ago I introduced Drew Pinsky, MD, to [the] Society of Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH) and he subsequently contributed a number of presentations at their conference. He asked me to collaborate on his TV show treating celebrities with sexual addiction; he hoped that the show would educate more people to identify the disorder and get help. Through the media, Dr. Drew continues to be a major educator about addictions including sex addiction.

As sexual addiction became increasingly apparent in adolescent behavior, I pushed for more research in this area. I put together a panel to address this issue at a SASH conference, as most of the current generation of adolescents have been exposed their entire life to pornography through the Internet, whether by accident or search. Thus pornography, or the objectification of humans and their exploitation, has become an everyday experience, blurring the boundaries of unhealthy versus healthy relationship skills in young minds.

...As I review my growth from neophyte to experienced psychiatrist in the field of sexual addiction, it seems to me that my development parallels the awareness of sexual addiction in the practicing psychiatric profession, in general. Institutional psychiatry still remains woefully behind in recognizing the devastating consequences of untreated problematic sexual acting out behavior. (p. 203)

--John Sealy

The truth is that these men and women are addicted to their own neurochemistry in a process evolved for their emotional survival over profound early neglect and abuse or perhaps due to an early overexposure to sexual stimuli by way of the omnipresent digital world. And they need help form a trained addiction-focused professional. (p. 230)

--Rob Weiss

I couldn’t agree more.

The book is available here: https://www.amazon.com/Reflections-History-Sex-Addiction-Field/dp/154327093X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1513104095&sr=8-1&keywords=reflections+on+the+history+of+the+sex+addiction+field

[biofunmy]

The Fabric of Nigerian Weddings

Dola Fatunbi Olutoye, 25, was ecstatic after becoming engaged last November to Dr. Yinka Olutoye, 26. She knew she wanted a traditional Nigerian wedding, but needed help executing the cultural elements of the ceremony, which took place on May 25 in Houston.

Mrs. Olutoye, a pharmacy student from Houston, and Dr. Olutoye, a recent medical school graduate, are both Nigerian-Americans who are part of the Yoruba ethnic group, which is heavily concentrated in the Southwest region of Nigeria.

On the top of her to-do list, after graduating from pharmacy school and starting a residency program, was to shop for traditional fabrics, which have become emblematic of Nigerian weddings today.

“Nigerian weddings are full of color, vibrant, and are flashy,” said Mrs. Olutoye, who has attended many traditional Nigerian weddings in her hometown. “Without your fabrics, you’re not having a traditional Nigerian wedding.”

In Houston and throughout other Nigerian enclaves, like Atlanta, New York and Baltimore, Nigerian wedding ceremonies are especially opulent. Guest lists can number in the hundreds — a cultural holdover from Nigeria, where significant life events were typically community gatherings open to close relatives and loose acquaintances. With such a big audience, a bride aims to impart regality, vibrancy and thoughtfulness in each of her bridal looks.

With the help of her mother, Modupe Fatunbi, who had connections to a fabric distributor in Asia, Mrs. Olatoye picked out the colorful, patterned yards of lace and silk for each of her ensembles. They featured: a champagne and rose gold-color set, heavily beaded with pearls and embroidered flowers for her Yoruba traditional wedding (also known as the engagement ceremony); a royal blue dress with a detachable skirt for her western wedding, which included a conventional white gown; and various fabrics for three thanksgivings after the wedding, when the couple receives well-wishes and blessings from friends and family.

To streamline the process, Mrs. Olutoye enlisted the assistance of Doyin Fashakin, the owner of Doyin Fash Events, a luxury bridal consultancy and events company in Houston. Mrs. Fashakin, also of Nigerian heritage, knew the subtle fashion elements necessary for an authentic cultural wedding, and wears many informal hats during the wedding preparation process — family therapist, budget enforcer and fashion consultant for anxious clients.

“When you’re picking out your outfits, it’s very important that you select something unique and colorful but also of quality,” said Mrs. Fashakin, who along with overseeing the more logistical aspects of planning a wedding, also helps brides source fabrics and accessories for their ensembles from vendors in Nigeria, Switzerland, Dubai and Australia.

What makes a good fabric? “No synthetic fibers or blends; the material should be 100 percent lace or silk,” Mrs. Fashakin said. “The material also shouldn’t bunch or fade. There shouldn’t be loose threads and it should always feel good against your skin.”

Chioma Nwogu-Johnson of Dure Events, a wedding and events company in Houston, said that while planning a wedding in Houston is more cost-effective than in New York, the brides who procure her services still spend from $100,000 to $300,000 or more to host their nuptials. A sizable budget — sometimes $10,000 or more — is usually allocated to wedding fashions. Couples also absorb the cost to outfit large bridal parties and select attendees in aso ebi (translating to “family clothes,” or a uniform dress worn by friends of the couple as a show of solidarity). Some brides opt to send their raw fabrics to trusted tailors in Nigeria, where the craft work is less expensive.

“Nigerian brides spend months searching for their wedding fabrics looking for something distinct — something that no one else will have — and that can sometimes be a tedious and frustrating process for brides,” said Ms. Nwogu-Johnson, whose clients often include affluent professionals, like medical doctors, engineers and oil contractors. “They want to make sure that no other brides are wearing their fabrics. More than anything, they want to make sure they stand out.”

Social media can provide some inspiration for brides. The hashtag #nigerianwedding on Instagram touts more than 3 million posts, showing brides in all manner of colors, fabrics and bridal party size.

The style of dress at Nigerian occasions will vary, depending on the tribe of the celebrants. For instance, brides from the Igbo people, another major ethnic group concentrated primarily in south-central and southeastern Nigeria, adorn themselves with coral beads signifying royalty, and at times use George fabric, a heavily embroidered material from India.

Material made of lace is also popular for many Nigerian brides across tribes, as are other textiles like silk and tulle, embellished with hand-stitched beads, stones and pearls tailored painstakingly to a bride’s taste.

Many brides spare no expense in making what the Yoruba people call their aso oke or top clothes, made of a matching buba blouse and iro, a swath of fabric wrapped around the waist. A heavy sash of complementary fabric, called an iborun, is draped on one shoulder. The bride’s ensemble is matched to her husband’s tunic and pants set, along with his agbada draping and fila hat.

But perhaps the most important part of any Nigerian bride’s look is her gele, a scarf or fabric folded into an ornate shape atop a woman’s head. The gele is standard in African women’s wear, although called by different names throughout the continent. A bride’s look is incomplete without it.

Tying gele requires artistry, nimble fingers and a touch of originality; no two geles are tied the same. “A well-tied gele at a wedding is what an ascot is at the Kentucky Derby,” said Hakeem Oluwasegun Olaleye, a bridal stylist based in Houston who is known within the bridal circuit as Segun Gele. Named for his skill in fashioning the head scarves, Mr. Olaleye is commissioned to wrap geles around the heads of brides and female attendees at weddings around the world.

“Geles are art — it is your crowning glory,” Mr. Olaleye said. “It’s as important as your hair. You can wear a cheap dress and have your head wrap beautifully done and no one will notice your outfit. Your gele is the focal point.”

When Charlye Nichols Egbo, 31, a luxury property manager in Houston, married her husband Stanley Egbo, 38, who works in oil and gas logistics, in March, she employed five distinct dress changes for her traditional engagement and western wedding, sourcing materials from Nigeria and Turkey. With nods to her husband’s Igbo culture — Mrs. Egbo, who is African-American — solicited help from Ms. Nwogu-Johnson and Mr. Egbo’s three sisters to pull each of her distinct bridal looks together. One of her looks was a heavily beaded navy and gold embroidered ensemble with an embellished floral sleeve made from fabric bought in Dubai. Another outfit — a sparkling, two-tone red set number with coral neckwear — was complemented by a fuchsia-laden aso ebi party of 27 and a custom-made white gown by Esé Azénabor, a Nigerian atelier.

“Every suit maker, every dressmaker we used was Nigerian, Mrs. Egbo said. “I could have bought a gown from Vera Wang, but it was important to us to maintain authenticity, which made everything that more intimate and that more special.”

Continue following our fashion and lifestyle coverage on Facebook (Styles and Modern Love), Twitter (Styles, Fashion and Weddings) and Instagram.

Sahred From Source link Fashion and Style

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[ultralifehackerguru-blog]

New Post has been published on http://www.lifehacker.guru/tough-love-stale-sandwiches-awaiting-affection-and-writing-a-way-out-2/

Tough Love: Stale Sandwiches, Awaiting Affection, and Writing a Way Out

You’ve got problems, I’ve got advice. This advice isn’t sugar-coated—in fact, it’s sugar-free, and may even be a little bitter. Welcome to Tough Love.

This week we have some kids who don’t like sandwiches for some reason, a teen who isn’t sure how to ask girls on dates, and a young professional who wants to write and isn’t happy with her current circumstances.

Keep in mind, I’m not a therapist or any other kind of health professional—just a guy who’s willing to tell it like it is. I simply want to give you the tools you need to enrich your damn lives. If for whatever reason you don’t like my advice, feel free to file a formal complaint here. Now then, let’s get on with it.

This Father’s Picky Kids Are Bored with Their Sandwich Lunches

Dear Patrick,

My kids are getting sick of sandwiches for lunch. The school lunches are terrible, so they won’t eat most of those. I’m trying to figure out some alternative options that give them nutrition and fulfillment. Any and all ideas are welcome, as a lot of my ideas are turning out too time-consuming or too expensive.

Your biggest fan, by volume,

TheRevanchist

Hey Rev,

I’m not a parent, but the fact you’re even taking the time to bother with this is a serious display of patience in my book. I mean, if I were you, I’d tell my kids exactly what I was told: “You can either eat what we give you, or you can not eat.”

I didn’t even get the option for cold lunches and happily ate the school’s weird, rectangular, plastic pizza almost every day. I drank the nearly expired, lukewarm milk, chewed through unnaturally sweetened gelatin desserts that had developed that weird tough outer skin, and relished beef and cheddar days because the processed nacho cheese overpowered the flavor of old roast beef just enough to make it a passable meal. And to top it all off, I worked in the school cafeteria kitchen to cover the cost of my own questionable lunch.

Besides, there are so many wonderful types of sandwich, I don’t understand how you can get sick of them. They’re cheap, easy, fairly nutritious most of the time, and I think your kids should just eat the damn things. Frankly, if they’re old enough to complain, they’re old enough to make their own lunches! Not every meal is a smorgasbord of your greatest mouthwatering desires. Sometimes food is just fuel so you can go learn shit.

This Inexperienced Teenager Doesn’t Know Where to Start With Dating

Hey Patrick,

I am 19 years old and am getting frustrated with the lack of intimacy I have experienced with girls. I have had some physical experience, but nothing consistent. I am currently at university, I am in pretty good shape, and I have an okay social life. I have also been told I am good-looking by someone who isn’t my mother, so I think I look okay and do make some sort of effort. I meet new girls on a regular basis now because of university, and I don’t have an issue talking to any of them, but I am really struggling to connect with them. It just doesn’t feel like they are ever all that into me or are interested in sticking around.

I do have a theory as to why I’m struggling, of course. I am originally from Israel. I have been moving back and forth for a while now and spent half my life there, but right now I live in Australia. I always found Israeli girls a lot more straightforward and easier to engage with. I found that when an Israeli liked me, she would always make the effort and made it really obvious. Are Australians just more timid? Or are they just not attracted to me?

Beyond that, I feel like, because of my lack of experience, I don’t know how to make things happen. I have zero dating experience and I only really know how to make things happen in a party environment. I never asked someone on a date before. I don’t know what the socially acceptable way is. And I find it impossible to know when a girl likes me or if any of them do. I have no idea how to get from the dating phase to the physical stuff. What sort of stuff do you do on a date anyhow?

Sincerely,

Desperate Down Under

Hey Des,

So you’re 19 and frustrated because you’re not getting any action? Join the club, they have jackets. I’m only kidding—they’re not jackets, they’re pretty pink sashes that read “Please love me.” I think I have mine buried somewhere in my closet.

It sounds like you’ve got a good chunk of the important basics down: you take care of yourself, you’re socially adept, you don’t look like a hairless dog, and you put yourself in social positions that allow you to meet new people. All good things!

But here’s the problem: you’re waiting for girls to walk up to you and tell you that they like you. That’s ridiculous! I can’t speak for Aussie girls specifically, but if they’re anything like American girls, they aren’t going to do that. It happens sometimes, sure, but they’re more apt to send signals and drop hints, which, for a clueless dude like you, is like tossing a coded message into the ocean only to be found by a blind dude hundreds of years later.

Israeli girls may have been easier to approach and engage with, but now you have to make the effort—and make it obvious. Girls may very well be attracted to you but think you don’t like them because you’re not pursuing them, or totally ignoring them in hopes they’ll magically figure it out. I just picture you standing in the corner at a party, sipping your drink, muttering to yourself “none of these girls like me,” and it makes me want to scream. In fact, I just did, but you can’t hear it because this is text. Here, this helps get my point across:

Now, before we go on, I hope by “make things happen” you mean start a positive, loving relationship that may or may not lead to intimacy. Because if you mean something else by it, or if you’re looking for tips on how to become one of those sleazy, pickup-artist garbage people, you’re approaching this all wrong. But I’ll go ahead and assume you’re just a nice timid guy who’s looking for a way to get a handle on dating. Moving on.

Asking someone on a date is actually the easy part, my man. You simply ask if they’d like to grab coffee/get a drink/go to an event/hang out with you sometime. That’s totally socially acceptable. It’s actually the lead up to the asking that’s the real hard part. You need to learn how to read people: the things they say and the way they move. There are tons of guides out there on how to tell when someone is flirting with you, but honestly, the best way to get a feel for that is through trial and error. Strike up a conversation with a nice girl at one of these parties or university events and see where things go. If she’s smiling, laughing, touching your arm lightly, and clearly enjoying your conversation, ask for her number, or see if she’d be interested in meeting up sometime. She might not be down, but rejection is a reality you’ll have to face. It’s not personal (even if it feels like it is), so don’t take it that way, and move on. If she says yes, plan a date that gives you a chance to talk and interact so you can get to know each other better.

If going through this process face-to-face seems like too much for you, try dating apps! The people you find on those are actively looking for dates—well, most of them—and it gives you a dedicated space to practice talking to women and feeling out whether they’re interested in you or not. It’s not quite the same as talking in person, but every little bit of practice helps.

In regard to “getting to the physical stuff,” I feel the need to clarify things for you again. There’s no “dating phase” and then a “physical phase.” You make it sound like there are levels you have beat on your way to the sexy boss fight in a video game, or that you have to do hard time being around someone before they let you run free in their garden of unlimited pleasure.

Physical stuff is part of dating, and it will usually happen organically. I get that you’re frustrated, dude, but don’t make getting physical your main goal. You’ll set yourself up for disappointment, more frustration, and you’ll be missing out on the exhilarating bliss of truly getting to know someone. Also, it’s sad, gross, and desperate—and women can smell desperation from a mile away. Let feelings and trust build up as you spend time together—then, when the time is right for you both, you won’t have to “make things happen,” they just will.

This Young Professional Is Buried in Debt But Wants to Write

Hey Patrick,

I am miserable. I’m 26, I have 6-figures of student debt, and I’m currently working in a strong industry making a decent salary, but it’s an industry I don’t give one fig for. I’ve been working here 3 years. My misery is getting to the point where I come to work and stare at my screen for about 30 minutes because I just can’t bring myself to work.

My student debt is an important part of the problem because it’s what’s keeping me stuck: without it I wouldn’t have an issue pursuing my dreams of working as an entertainment writer, but as things currently stand, I need to be making the amount I’m making now to keep my life functional. (Note: I already cut back on extraneous things in life; I live with my parents and don’t do too much to save as much money as I can.)

I’ve gotten to the point where I feel that life isn’t worth living because what use is a life where you can’t do anything because spending money is off the table, you hate your work life, and you hate your home life because you’re stuck with your parents to save money?

I don’t want to feel like this anymore: I want to be happy, or at least content, so I’m thinking the place to start is with getting a new job. The problem is, I came into my current industry basically out of college and now I feel I’m not qualified to do anything other than what I do now.

I’ve been scouring job boards and LinkedIn for opportunities to no avail. Even assistant jobs require previous experience, and again, I need to ensure a job will pay at least as much as I’m currently making…

What should I do to change my fortunes? I’m open to almost any career in entertainment, not just writing, but it’s damn near impossible to get a foot in the door (I live in LA). Should I, given the circumstances, shoulder my misery for the sake of my paycheck and stay put? Should I take a pay-nothing/pay-little job with hopes the paycheck will increase over time as an investment in my own happiness (but at the risk of my credit and overall financial standing)?

Best,

Miserable TV Junkie

Hey Junkie,

Life is worth living. In truth, that’s all it’s really good for. That said, if you are actually having suicidal thoughts and not just being hyperbolic, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. Do it for me, do it for your family, do it for your friends, do it for yourself. I’m not asking, I’m telling.

Now then: you’ve got tons of debt and you’re stuck at home, but you’ve also got a decent job that pays well. You’re already better off than a lot of people I know! You may not like the work you do, but a good salary at your age is hard to find, and it’s the fastest way to pay off those miserable student loans. Besides, the sooner you pay those off, the sooner you’ll be free to explore other careers and lifestyles. It sucks now, but it won’t always suck if you stay vigilant. Don’t go chasing happiness—it will backfire. And don’t go changing jobs on a whim thinking it will solve all of your problems! I’ve researched this quite a bit and psychologists warn against taking plunges like that and “ripping off the band-aid,” so to speak. You’re better off trying to make the best of where you’re at for now and enriching your life in other ways. It sucks, but you can endure, trust me. Lots of people have done it.

Also, living with your parents might kill your vibe a bit, but it’s also an opportunity to spend more time with them while you have them. Later on you’ll probably be grateful for every extra second you got, even if it meant having less of a social life. You might want to thank your lucky stars they’re willing to let you stay with them too. Adjust your perspective a little bit, Junkie, and you’ll realize things aren’t all that miserable.

And you don’t have to just sit around, crying into your blankets, moldering in your room at home. There’s plenty you can do during this time—like writing! You want to be a screenwriter (I’m assuming)? Then start writing! You don’t become a screenwriter by wanting to be one. Get a free screenwriting program like Celtx or WriterDuet, find a good book on screenwriting rules and formatting, and focus all these emotions into some top-notch drama! By the time you’ve paid off your student loans, you could have a nice portfolio of feature screenplays, TV pilots, and spec scripts that just might get you into a writer’s room.

If you’re wondering why this is your best course of action, here’s some hard, fast truth. First, you need to know you still have plenty of time to get into the entertainment industry, especially as a writer. I have several friends who work in television and film (no, I won’t put you in touch with them), and I’ve also spoken with or heard from a lot of screenwriters at panels about how they got to where they are. You’d be happy to hear that very few of them started off as a writer or PA or anything like that right out of school. In fact, most of the people in “the biz” I know moved into it laterally and didn’t even study film in college. So, regardless of what you’re doing now, it’s totally possible down the line. That’s the good news.

The bad news is there are really only two ways to move into entertainment. Laterally, as I mentioned, which, in your case, would probably require you to know someone. IT REALLY IS ALL ABOUT WHO YOU KNOW. Or starting from the bottom and crawling your way up, which would definitely not provide the pay you need to tackle those loans. Like, not even close. DO NOT DO IT, at least not until those loans are paid off.

So how do you meet people in the business who can help? Look for writing groups, events, or festivals focused on screenwriting. Join, show up, talk to people, share your writing, ask for notes, offer to give notes, network with cool people, and develop rapport with those who are willing to take you under their wing. Be prepared to have your writing torn apart and lit on fire in front of everybody, and expect a lot of resistance when you’re new and inexperienced. Don’t give in. Buckle down, Miserable TV Junkie, work on your craft, funnel your emotions into words, and make the most of your job until you can dig yourself out of this temporary rut.

Quickies

Because I just don’t have the time or patience for all of you…

Hard Truther asks:

Hi Patrick,

I want to dole out no-nonsense advice to people because I’m a thousand times better at fixing other people’s problems than my own. I also get right to the crux. I want to call it Hard Truth. However, I don’t have a platform in which anyone will write me for advice and someone already has this Lifehacker column called Tough Love that sounds similar.

Should I even bother? If I should, how do I get an audience and submissions?

Nah, don’t bother. Next!

Mare says:

Dearest Paddy,

I’m struggling with a quarter-to-mid-career crisis. I want to move from IT to perhaps data science, and I have a shitty Physics degree at least, but my academic life was a blur of depression and anxiety.

Please kick my ass and tell me I can do whatever I want once I put my shriveled little brain to it…

Mare, you can do whatever you want once you put your shriveled little brain to it. Expect a kick in the ass in the mail. I’m on fire! Order up!

You gain 100 experience points. Level up! asks:

I live in LA. Dating is horrible and I am over it. Seriously, I was on a TV show for dating and nothing panned out. Also, I am never going to be able to afford a house here. I want to try a new place with new experiences where I can buy property and live a good life, hopefully meeting a special someone and exploring my hobbies. I am not running from anything, [I’m] happy with life. I simply want to live somewhere other than LA. I work in tech, what would you suggest?

Wait… You DIDN’T find true love on a reality TV show?! Gasp.

I live in LA as well, and dating can be pretty horrible here (Oh you’re an actor slash model? Do go on!), but it can also be pretty awesome. I’m not sure how much worse it is here compared to other cities. So I don’t know if dating is a great reason to leave, but you definitely should if you want to buy property and not pay and arm and a leg for it.

You work in tech? I hear Raleigh, North Carolina isn’t too shabby. Neither is Austin or Dallas, Texas. Maybe even check out Colorado Springs.

That’s it for this week, but I still have plenty of blunt, honest advice bottled up inside. Tell me, what’s troubling you? Is work getting you down? Are you having problems with a friend or a coworker? Is your love life going through a rough patch? Do you just feel lost in life, like you have no direction? Tell me, and maybe I can help. I probably won’t make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, but sometimes what you need is some tough love. Ask away in the comments below, or email me at the address you see at the bottom of the page (please include “ADVICE” in the subject line). ‘Til next time, figure things out for yourself.

©

[ultralifehackerguru-blog]

New Post has been published on http://www.lifehacker.guru/tough-love-stale-sandwiches-awaiting-affection-and-writing-a-way-out/

Tough Love: Stale Sandwiches, Awaiting Affection, and Writing a Way Out

You’ve got problems, I’ve got advice. This advice isn’t sugar-coated—in fact, it’s sugar-free, and may even be a little bitter. Welcome to Tough Love.

This week we have some kids who don’t like sandwiches for some reason, a teen who isn’t sure how to ask girls on dates, and a young professional who wants to write and isn’t happy with her current circumstances.

Keep in mind, I’m not a therapist or any other kind of health professional—just a guy who’s willing to tell it like it is. I simply want to give you the tools you need to enrich your damn lives. If for whatever reason you don’t like my advice, feel free to file a formal complaint here. Now then, let’s get on with it.

This Father’s Picky Kids Are Bored with Their Sandwich Lunches

Dear Patrick,

My kids are getting sick of sandwiches for lunch. The school lunches are terrible, so they won’t eat most of those. I’m trying to figure out some alternative options that give them nutrition and fulfillment. Any and all ideas are welcome, as a lot of my ideas are turning out too time-consuming or too expensive.

Your biggest fan, by volume,

TheRevanchist

Hey Rev,

I’m not a parent, but the fact you’re even taking the time to bother with this is a serious display of patience in my book. I mean, if I were you, I’d tell my kids exactly what I was told: “You can either eat what we give you, or you can not eat.”

I didn’t even get the option for cold lunches and happily ate the school’s weird, rectangular, plastic pizza almost every day. I drank the nearly expired, lukewarm milk, chewed through unnaturally sweetened gelatin desserts that had developed that weird tough outer skin, and relished beef and cheddar days because the processed nacho cheese overpowered the flavor of old roast beef just enough to make it a passable meal. And to top it all off, I worked in the school cafeteria kitchen to cover the cost of my own questionable lunch.

Besides, there are so many wonderful types of sandwich, I don’t understand how you can get sick of them. They’re cheap, easy, fairly nutritious most of the time, and I think your kids should just eat the damn things. Frankly, if they’re old enough to complain, they’re old enough to make their own lunches! Not every meal is a smorgasbord of your greatest mouthwatering desires. Sometimes food is just fuel so you can go learn shit.

This Inexperienced Teenager Doesn’t Know Where to Start With Dating

Hey Patrick,

I am 19 years old and am getting frustrated with the lack of intimacy I have experienced with girls. I have had some physical experience, but nothing consistent. I am currently at university, I am in pretty good shape, and I have an okay social life. I have also been told I am good-looking by someone who isn’t my mother, so I think I look okay and do make some sort of effort. I meet new girls on a regular basis now because of university, and I don’t have an issue talking to any of them, but I am really struggling to connect with them. It just doesn’t feel like they are ever all that into me or are interested in sticking around.

I do have a theory as to why I’m struggling, of course. I am originally from Israel. I have been moving back and forth for a while now and spent half my life there, but right now I live in Australia. I always found Israeli girls a lot more straightforward and easier to engage with. I found that when an Israeli liked me, she would always make the effort and made it really obvious. Are Australians just more timid? Or are they just not attracted to me?

Beyond that, I feel like, because of my lack of experience, I don’t know how to make things happen. I have zero dating experience and I only really know how to make things happen in a party environment. I never asked someone on a date before. I don’t know what the socially acceptable way is. And I find it impossible to know when a girl likes me or if any of them do. I have no idea how to get from the dating phase to the physical stuff. What sort of stuff do you do on a date anyhow?

Sincerely,

Desperate Down Under

Hey Des,

So you’re 19 and frustrated because you’re not getting any action? Join the club, they have jackets. I’m only kidding—they’re not jackets, they’re pretty pink sashes that read “Please love me.” I think I have mine buried somewhere in my closet.

It sounds like you’ve got a good chunk of the important basics down: you take care of yourself, you’re socially adept, you don’t look like a hairless dog, and you put yourself in social positions that allow you to meet new people. All good things!

But here’s the problem: you’re waiting for girls to walk up to you and tell you that they like you. That’s ridiculous! I can’t speak for Aussie girls specifically, but if they’re anything like American girls, they aren’t going to do that. It happens sometimes, sure, but they’re more apt to send signals and drop hints, which, for a clueless dude like you, is like tossing a coded message into the ocean only to be found by a blind dude hundreds of years later.

Israeli girls may have been easier to approach and engage with, but now you have to make the effort—and make it obvious. Girls may very well be attracted to you but think you don’t like them because you’re not pursuing them, or totally ignoring them in hopes they’ll magically figure it out. I just picture you standing in the corner at a party, sipping your drink, muttering to yourself “none of these girls like me,” and it makes me want to scream. In fact, I just did, but you can’t hear it because this is text. Here, this helps get my point across:

Now, before we go on, I hope by “make things happen” you mean start a positive, loving relationship that may or may not lead to intimacy. Because if you mean something else by it, or if you’re looking for tips on how to become one of those sleazy, pickup-artist garbage people, you’re approaching this all wrong. But I’ll go ahead and assume you’re just a nice timid guy who’s looking for a way to get a handle on dating. Moving on.

Asking someone on a date is actually the easy part, my man. You simply ask if they’d like to grab coffee/get a drink/go to an event/hang out with you sometime. That’s totally socially acceptable. It’s actually the lead up to the asking that’s the real hard part. You need to learn how to read people: the things they say and the way they move. There are tons of guides out there on how to tell when someone is flirting with you, but honestly, the best way to get a feel for that is through trial and error. Strike up a conversation with a nice girl at one of these parties or university events and see where things go. If she’s smiling, laughing, touching your arm lightly, and clearly enjoying your conversation, ask for her number, or see if she’d be interested in meeting up sometime. She might not be down, but rejection is a reality you’ll have to face. It’s not personal (even if it feels like it is), so don’t take it that way, and move on. If she says yes, plan a date that gives you a chance to talk and interact so you can get to know each other better.

If going through this process face-to-face seems like too much for you, try dating apps! The people you find on those are actively looking for dates—well, most of them—and it gives you a dedicated space to practice talking to women and feeling out whether they’re interested in you or not. It’s not quite the same as talking in person, but every little bit of practice helps.

In regard to “getting to the physical stuff,” I feel the need to clarify things for you again. There’s no “dating phase” and then a “physical phase.” You make it sound like there are levels you have beat on your way to the sexy boss fight in a video game, or that you have to do hard time being around someone before they let you run free in their garden of unlimited pleasure.

Physical stuff is part of dating, and it will usually happen organically. I get that you’re frustrated, dude, but don’t make getting physical your main goal. You’ll set yourself up for disappointment, more frustration, and you’ll be missing out on the exhilarating bliss of truly getting to know someone. Also, it’s sad, gross, and desperate—and women can smell desperation from a mile away. Let feelings and trust build up as you spend time together—then, when the time is right for you both, you won’t have to “make things happen,” they just will.

This Young Professional Is Buried in Debt But Wants to Write

Hey Patrick,

I am miserable. I’m 26, I have 6-figures of student debt, and I’m currently working in a strong industry making a decent salary, but it’s an industry I don’t give one fig for. I’ve been working here 3 years. My misery is getting to the point where I come to work and stare at my screen for about 30 minutes because I just can’t bring myself to work.

My student debt is an important part of the problem because it’s what’s keeping me stuck: without it I wouldn’t have an issue pursuing my dreams of working as an entertainment writer, but as things currently stand, I need to be making the amount I’m making now to keep my life functional. (Note: I already cut back on extraneous things in life; I live with my parents and don’t do too much to save as much money as I can.)

I’ve gotten to the point where I feel that life isn’t worth living because what use is a life where you can’t do anything because spending money is off the table, you hate your work life, and you hate your home life because you’re stuck with your parents to save money?

I don’t want to feel like this anymore: I want to be happy, or at least content, so I’m thinking the place to start is with getting a new job. The problem is, I came into my current industry basically out of college and now I feel I’m not qualified to do anything other than what I do now.

I’ve been scouring job boards and LinkedIn for opportunities to no avail. Even assistant jobs require previous experience, and again, I need to ensure a job will pay at least as much as I’m currently making…

What should I do to change my fortunes? I’m open to almost any career in entertainment, not just writing, but it’s damn near impossible to get a foot in the door (I live in LA). Should I, given the circumstances, shoulder my misery for the sake of my paycheck and stay put? Should I take a pay-nothing/pay-little job with hopes the paycheck will increase over time as an investment in my own happiness (but at the risk of my credit and overall financial standing)?

Best,

Miserable TV Junkie

Hey Junkie,

Life is worth living. In truth, that’s all it’s really good for. That said, if you are actually having suicidal thoughts and not just being hyperbolic, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. Do it for me, do it for your family, do it for your friends, do it for yourself. I’m not asking, I’m telling.

Now then: you’ve got tons of debt and you’re stuck at home, but you’ve also got a decent job that pays well. You’re already better off than a lot of people I know! You may not like the work you do, but a good salary at your age is hard to find, and it’s the fastest way to pay off those miserable student loans. Besides, the sooner you pay those off, the sooner you’ll be free to explore other careers and lifestyles. It sucks now, but it won’t always suck if you stay vigilant. Don’t go chasing happiness—it will backfire. And don’t go changing jobs on a whim thinking it will solve all of your problems! I’ve researched this quite a bit and psychologists warn against taking plunges like that and “ripping off the band-aid,” so to speak. You’re better off trying to make the best of where you’re at for now and enriching your life in other ways. It sucks, but you can endure, trust me. Lots of people have done it.

Also, living with your parents might kill your vibe a bit, but it’s also an opportunity to spend more time with them while you have them. Later on you’ll probably be grateful for every extra second you got, even if it meant having less of a social life. You might want to thank your lucky stars they’re willing to let you stay with them too. Adjust your perspective a little bit, Junkie, and you’ll realize things aren’t all that miserable.

And you don’t have to just sit around, crying into your blankets, moldering in your room at home. There’s plenty you can do during this time—like writing! You want to be a screenwriter (I’m assuming)? Then start writing! You don’t become a screenwriter by wanting to be one. Get a free screenwriting program like Celtx or WriterDuet, find a good book on screenwriting rules and formatting, and focus all these emotions into some top-notch drama! By the time you’ve paid off your student loans, you could have a nice portfolio of feature screenplays, TV pilots, and spec scripts that just might get you into a writer’s room.

If you’re wondering why this is your best course of action, here’s some hard, fast truth. First, you need to know you still have plenty of time to get into the entertainment industry, especially as a writer. I have several friends who work in television and film (no, I won’t put you in touch with them), and I’ve also spoken with or heard from a lot of screenwriters at panels about how they got to where they are. You’d be happy to hear that very few of them started off as a writer or PA or anything like that right out of school. In fact, most of the people in “the biz” I know moved into it laterally and didn’t even study film in college. So, regardless of what you’re doing now, it’s totally possible down the line. That’s the good news.

The bad news is there are really only two ways to move into entertainment. Laterally, as I mentioned, which, in your case, would probably require you to know someone. IT REALLY IS ALL ABOUT WHO YOU KNOW. Or starting from the bottom and crawling your way up, which would definitely not provide the pay you need to tackle those loans. Like, not even close. DO NOT DO IT, at least not until those loans are paid off.

So how do you meet people in the business who can help? Look for writing groups, events, or festivals focused on screenwriting. Join, show up, talk to people, share your writing, ask for notes, offer to give notes, network with cool people, and develop rapport with those who are willing to take you under their wing. Be prepared to have your writing torn apart and lit on fire in front of everybody, and expect a lot of resistance when you’re new and inexperienced. Don’t give in. Buckle down, Miserable TV Junkie, work on your craft, funnel your emotions into words, and make the most of your job until you can dig yourself out of this temporary rut.

Quickies

Because I just don’t have the time or patience for all of you…

Hard Truther asks:

Hi Patrick,

I want to dole out no-nonsense advice to people because I’m a thousand times better at fixing other people’s problems than my own. I also get right to the crux. I want to call it Hard Truth. However, I don’t have a platform in which anyone will write me for advice and someone already has this Lifehacker column called Tough Love that sounds similar.

Should I even bother? If I should, how do I get an audience and submissions?

Nah, don’t bother. Next!

Mare says:

Dearest Paddy,

I’m struggling with a quarter-to-mid-career crisis. I want to move from IT to perhaps data science, and I have a shitty Physics degree at least, but my academic life was a blur of depression and anxiety.

Please kick my ass and tell me I can do whatever I want once I put my shriveled little brain to it…

Mare, you can do whatever you want once you put your shriveled little brain to it. Expect a kick in the ass in the mail. I’m on fire! Order up!

You gain 100 experience points. Level up! asks:

I live in LA. Dating is horrible and I am over it. Seriously, I was on a TV show for dating and nothing panned out. Also, I am never going to be able to afford a house here. I want to try a new place with new experiences where I can buy property and live a good life, hopefully meeting a special someone and exploring my hobbies. I am not running from anything, [I’m] happy with life. I simply want to live somewhere other than LA. I work in tech, what would you suggest?

Wait… You DIDN’T find true love on a reality TV show?! Gasp.

I live in LA as well, and dating can be pretty horrible here (Oh you’re an actor slash model? Do go on!), but it can also be pretty awesome. I’m not sure how much worse it is here compared to other cities. So I don’t know if dating is a great reason to leave, but you definitely should if you want to buy property and not pay and arm and a leg for it.

You work in tech? I hear Raleigh, North Carolina isn’t too shabby. Neither is Austin or Dallas, Texas. Maybe even check out Colorado Springs.

That’s it for this week, but I still have plenty of blunt, honest advice bottled up inside. Tell me, what’s troubling you? Is work getting you down? Are you having problems with a friend or a coworker? Is your love life going through a rough patch? Do you just feel lost in life, like you have no direction? Tell me, and maybe I can help. I probably won’t make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, but sometimes what you need is some tough love. Ask away in the comments below, or email me at the address you see at the bottom of the page (please include “ADVICE” in the subject line). ‘Til next time, figure things out for yourself.

©