#ALSO PROCEEDS TO TAKES “TOMMY’S” KNIFE TO REMEMBER HIM

[zer0brainc3lls]

HOLD ON HOLD ON HOLD ON. PLAY. THAT. BACK.

LOVE??!?!?! HELLO?????

WHO WAS HE TALKING ABOUT JAMES DASHNER… 💳💳💳💳💳💳💳💳

[redrobbingabank]

The Syndicate Foster AU

Ok here it is:

We have Ranboo, the foster child in question. He’s been in the system since he was young, doesn’t remember his life before it, and has a l o t of insomnia. 

He gets told he’s gonna be fostered by Philza fucking Minecraft, the rich dude who does no one exactly knows what. Phil has two adopted children: Technoblade, a prodigy in the violin and student of mythology, and Niki Nihachu, a champion fencer. No one knows much about these kids, because both of them hate the media(Niki punched a reporter once. It was cool.). They both have pink hair.

Anywho, so Phil picks Ranboo up and takes him to their house, which is this huge penthouse at the top of a big apartment building in the middle of the city. Ranboo meets Techno and Niki, who are both friendly but kind of closed off. He feels like something’s a bit off, but he just puts it down to ‘they’re rich and I’m new.’

Cue going to school. Techno and Niki go to this fancy prep school, and now Ranboo does too. He is invited to join their lunch table, where he meets:

Wilbur Soot, skilled musician, drama kid, and Good At Computers TM. He’s chill, albeit addicted to energy drinks, and Ranboo starts counting the vaguely concerning things he says.

Tommy, Wilbur’s little brother. He is a band kid and very very chaotic. Ranboo is a little scared of the volume he can reach when annoyed.

Tubbo, Tommy’s best friend. He is quite big braiend and knows a concerning amount of potentially dangerous chemistry. He also decides to be friends with Ranboo in 0.02 seconds. 

So the gang is there. They’re the regulars. Then the Feral Boys stop by, and they’re on good terms with everyone because Dream and Techno are friends. So:

Dream, coding kid who wears a green hoodie over the uniform. Kind of quiet, but friendly.

George, also in a higher level programming class. He and Wilbur are apparently in debate class together, and are having a mild disagreement over something from the day before.

Sapnap, skater kid who is quite cool and chill. He’s nice to Ranboo and tells him how to get free snacks from the vending machine. Ranboo decides he likes Sapnap.

Quackity, debate team captain who is Very Tired of Wilbur and George’s argument. He has the biggest cup of coffee Ranboo has ever seen. 

Karl, book kid with very big sweater and is checking his phone a suspicious amount of times. Ranboo doesn’t know what he does, he doesn’t talk a ton.

All in all, pretty chill normal day. Ranboo can deal with this. He goes home and proceeds to spend several days in calm ignorance of the world around him, hearing some concerning sounds when he can’t sleep(it sounds a lot like windows being opened and closed, and once like something sharp flying into a wall, but that doesn’t make sense), but nothing much.

AND THEN thing happens. Ranboo goes out for a glass of water one night, and what does he find? Niki chilling at the kitchen table while Techno stitches up a very concerning knife wound on her shoulder. Cue:

Ranboo, concerned: um. hi.

Techno, focused: Niki, deal with it.

Niki, apparently unconcerned by her questionable mental state: hey, Ranboo, do you have a moment to talk about our awesome side thing, vigilantism?

And thus, Ranboo is informed of the mild underground vigilante network his new siblings and their friends have going on. Niki, Techno, Wilbur, Tommy, and Tubbo make one group. Wilbur is their guy in the chair.

Feral Boys make the other team. Gang doesn’t know much about their workings, but they exchange information sometimes.

Ranboo is processing, and then Techno’s like, “So you wanna join?”

And Ranboo does, because Ranboo isn’t good at saying no and like. It’s vigilantism. It sounds cool. And he couldn’t sleep anyway, might as well fight crime.

And yep, that’s the basic premise in my very long rambling. Asks are open if anyone wants me to tell them more, or maybe write a scene from it. 

[amintyworld]

Dream SMP Fusion AU:

Certainly not me thinking about a Steven Universe AU for Dream SMP because fusions

Also, just to note: Not all fusions are for romantic relationships, so please no shipping since many of the creators are uncomfortable with that. The one somewhat romantic relationship fusion mentioned is between the characters Schlatt and Quackity, and are the only ones classified as such for the lore and story already created - I do not ship them whatsoever. Thank you.

Also, feel free to use these ideas with credit!

TW: Abusive Relationship, Toxic Realtionship, manipulation.

So like, what if during the L’manburg Independence War L’manburg was the only ones who really fused with each other, and the Dream SMP just never really thought it was useful and therefore didn’t really use it all that much for battle, pvp, etc. 

They discovered fusion one day while building the wall when a bit of debris was about to fall on Fundy and Wilbur swooped in to save him, and suddenly... a whole completely different person stood in their place. It didn’t last very long, but Wilbur from then on was determined to learn all he could about it and understand it. 

Wilbur couldn’t seem to explain his findings much scientifically, but he wrote up a journal on all he learned - how the fusion seems to combine and showcase the best parts of each individual person.

An iconic Steven Universe Scene takes place (For you SU fans, when Smoky Quartz first came to be) when Tommy in a effort to get his discs back one day tries to take Dream head on, pushing away Tubbo’s help. Tommy gets throughly beat up by Dream and in a heartfelt moment Tommy tells Tubbo that no matter what he does Dream will always win against him because he’s not strong enough. Then, Tubbo says that that’s not true, that Tommy doesn’t have to be like Dream, if anything Tommy’s like him because they both aren’t like anybody else, and it sucks, but they have each other. Finally Tommy accepts Tubbo’s help as they fuse for the first time.

Eret and Niki fused once while hanging out and dancing one day, which led Wilbur to discover how to trigger the fusion in a more controlled manner - through dancing. 

The war happens with the revolution holding better against Dream and his posse for the short fact that they had fusion on their side - they weren’t totally confident in the ability yet, which lead to some close calls to unfusing at the wrong time, but a few prominent fusions came out of it. In the end, they won and Wilbur continued to write his findings in the journal.

The election came about, and with it the exile of Wilbur and Tommy - this time the two were on the receiving end of fighting with fusions.

Wilbur even suggested on fusing together for survival - together they were more combat skilled, and better focused. After all, there was lesser chance of hurting one target than there was two. So, for a while they stayed together, at least, until Technoblade came to help.

Techno was very awkward at the whole fusion thing - it seemed stupid, and the poor pig hybrid didn’t exactly dance very well, though he was often too embarrassed to admit it. Techno didn’t understand how his two brothers could fuse so easily while he just... couldn’t. (I’m imagining Wilbur coaching him in Pogtopia while Tommy has to wear paint cans in order to each his height)

While out together, the sight of Tubbo causes Wilbur and Tommy to become so distressed they unfuse as Tubbo tells them he wants to help, and becomes their spy.

Back in Manburg, a certain goat hybrid finds Wilbur’s fusion journal and does some light reading. Schlatt thinks that he needs fusion soldiers to fight for him - from what he’s reading, these fusions are practically unstoppable. If he were to have that kind of power at his disposal, no one could stop him.

Being the ‘selfless’ leader he is, he uses himself as a test subject as he fuses with his militia - Punz, Ponk...

Quackity at first makes fun of his attempts as always within five minutes the fusion quickly falls apart. This only pisses of Schlatt more, until he comes up with an idea. 

He confronts Fundy and tells him that if he was loyal to Manburg, and their desires aligned, they’d be able to fuse no problem. Fundy agrees and they become the first completed fusion in Manburg - Fundy only does it because he wants to keep suspicion low and his cover a secret, and it somehow works. Schlatt doesn’t question Fundy much after that.

As the festival gets planned Schlatt continues his tactic of sniffing out traitors through fusion, which does not bode well for Tubbo, who keeps narrowly escaping having to fuse (Looking at the ‘I’m pregnant’ excuse-).

Back in Pogtopia, tensions rise as Wilbur and Tommy become more and more distant as Wilbur plans to blow up Manburg during the festival. 

Festival happens, not much really changes except Schlatt tries to get Niki to fuse with him to prove she wasn’t a traitor and not get killed like Tubbo - Wilbur overhears and intervenes, running away with Niki back to Pogtopia, fusing with her to help both of them escape.

When Quackity tries to leave, Schlatt forces him to fuse to stop the traitor from escaping, and for the first time, the two get trapped in a mixed up mess of a fusion - nothing is combined of the two, it’s all a mish mashed up mess - thankfully they aren’t fused for long and Quackity escapes, but both have the feeling of agony, sorrow and pain of the forced fusion in their minds. 

They take back L’manburg with some awesome fusion v fusion fights.

In a last attempt to keep from dying, Schlatt forces Quackity to fuse with him again in exchange that he release Tubbo, who was on his last cannon life (Schlatt held up a knife to his throat.) Once again, Quackity is trapped down in the painful and dark abyss as their fusion makes mass destruction. Wilbur, Tommy, Tubbo, and Techno all fuse to take  the unstable fusion down.

They succeed in doing so, fatally wounding Schlatt enough to corner him, the stress, drugs, and alcohol combing into a panic attack and he dies. 

From there, things proceed as normal - Techno releases the Withers, Wilbur pushes the button. 

New L’manburg is thriving with Tubbo as the new president... everyone can finally be who they want to be - wounds of course are still healing.

Quackity talks with Tubbo about his bad experience with Schlatt, and Tubbo is there to listen and always tells him that he doesn’t have to fuse if he doesn’t want to... of course fusion can be helpful (Some fusions have been helping repair the TNT and Wither damage) but, Tubbo insists, you don’t have to fuse to be able to help.

Ranboo gets a crash course in fusion basics by Phil and Ghostbur. (It’s like gem classroom, it’s all so cute guys-)

Phil also helps out Fundy who’s still iffy about Wilbur and all that he did for him... namely, fusing with Schlatt to avoid suspicion. It’s all wholesome and sweet, even with Ghostbur and his failed attempts to help in the background.

Things play out as normal in terms of plot - Techno retires, Tommy gets exiled...

Dream, at first, is very committed to blowing up Tommy’s stuff - one day, he says he won’t do it only if Tommy fuses with him, because he’s curious in how it works. 

This turns straight up unhealthy during the Beach Party when Tommy remembers all the times he used to have and how he feels so lonely, and Dream tells him that he’s always gonna be there for him even if they don’t, which results in Tommy and Dream fusing for a while whenever he comes to visit so Tommy won’t feel as lonely or as depressed. Tommy becomes dependent on Dream and the fusing and clings to it to an unhealthy amount, though Tommy of course wouldn’t admit that.

Eventually, Dream blows up Logstedshire and leads to Tommy running away in a brief moment of clarity. 

Phil gets under house arrest as the Butcher Gang try to take Techno down to kill him, but Phil, the ever to clever, gets there before they do and fuses with Techno to help take them down. They unfuse when Quackity threatens Techno’s horse, revealing that Phil snuck out. Techno covers for him and tells them that he broke Phil out, that it’s his fault and Phil had nothing to do with it. They believe him and Phil is in the clear.

The attempt fails, Techno finds Tommy and the two continue to practice fighting while fused - Tommy’s idea from his experience fighting with Wilbur - and they’re pretty strong. Ranboo and Ghostbur hang around and ooo and ahh over their moves.

Tubbo visits Tommy and as in cannon believes he’s dead but for a different reason - he finds evidence of when Tommy and Dream were playing around while fused and thinks that they’re permently fused - Dream forged a letter claiming that exact thing. Tubbo of course blames himself for losing his best friend.

Back in New L’manburg, the Butcher Gang gets fusion training too (except for Quackity) and Ranboo finally fuses for the first time with Fundy, the fusion turning into what a 12 year old would be like on redbull.

While on house arrest, Phil tries fusing with Ghostbur and to his surprise... it works - not for very long, but it works. They come to the conculsion that since Ghostbur is a ghost, that maybe it wasn’t two people fusing but instead a soul and a person, leading to the imbalance.

While Techno and Tommy are fused, they hold Connor captive and ask for ransom... leading Tubbo to be extremely confused when someone he doesn’t know is asking ransom from him who appearently knows him-?!

Only after they unfuse... Tubbo realizes that Tommy’s still... here. He’s still here and not in a fusion with Dream. Things go as in cannon.

Finally, after Dream figures out where Tommy is and tells Techno, any chance he gets with Tommy alone he tries to tell him that they could fix everything if they just fused again, and Tommy keeps finding himself refusing.

Anyway, what do ya’ll think? Should I do a follow up post for the fusions?

[scary-white]

a while ago I was looking for reference photos for a Carrie animatic I'm working on and I stumbled across this:

well, obviously I had to read it, and now I will impart what I've learned to all of you.

first of all, this is a cross over fic between Stephen King's Carrie, and the children's show Miraculous Ladybug. This already puts us off to a great start, but oddly enough, MLB/Carrie crossovers are somewhat common?

well, we open up to the daughter of Carrie White, aka y/n, talking to this girl Alya about prom. Alya asks y/n to read the mind of a boy she's interested in to see if he would ask her to prom. then this girl Marinette, the main character of the show (and a real sweet heart), comes in and pushes y/n causing her to fall against the lockers.

Marinette is pissy bc y/n is stealing Alya and Adrien, the boy that she likes, and she hates y/n. y/n can hear her thoughts and leaves shortly after.

on her way home she remembers her mother (Carrie White) and her father (Tommy Ross)

aww. sweet. too bad he's fucking dead. the author saved Tommy from a bucket only to kill him when y/n is two. he died in a car crash, like some other friends we know.

then, y/n remembers a very special Day at the Park, where she was playing on the swings and was then attacked by some bullies who then proceeds to kick the ever loving shit out of her. she screams for Carrie and Carrie comes over, flying like the baddie did in 2013, and pulls the kids off of her daughter (y/n)

a bunch of parents get mad at Carrie for levitating their children and a police man comes AND FUCKING SHOOTS HER

A POLICE MAN SHOOTS HER AND KILLS HER. THE LIVING LEGEND HERSELF. TAKEN DOWN BY A BULLET. WHEN IN CANON SHE WALKED THREE MILES WITH A STAB WOUND AND STILL REFUSED TO DIE but I digress.

after that, y/n runs away and finds two people named Sam and Nicole and they adopt her. Carrie has just died, but y/n immediately accepts them as "mama and papa"

well, the new parents decide they need a baby sitter for y/n and who do they chose?

do you know who they chose?

THEY CHOSE MOTHER FUCKING VICKY FROM FAIRLY ODD PARENTS. VICKY FAIRLY ODD PARENTS. THE CROSS OVER IS NOW CARRIE/MLB/FAIRLY ODD PARENTS.

well, the parents eventually realize that Vicky is abusing y/n and they call the cops. Vicky comes out them with a knife, but y/n makes her trip with her TK and then takes the knife also with her TK, and stabs Vicky directly in the head, killing her instantly.

after this, it flashes forward in time, and Sam and Nicole, the parents are trying to fix their stove. Y/n leaves to go find a match or something, and on her way home she stops at Marinette's family bakery and buys a macaron. she's eating it and walking home when she notices the fire trucks flying buy. she runs home to find that now Nicole and Sam are dead too!!

shawtys going through more parental figures than mother fucking peter parker

she goes to the grave yard to visit both Carrie's grave as well as her adoptive parents. Carrie comes to her in spirit and y/n tells her about prom. Carrie looks at her like 🤨🤨🤨 and y/n is like

"what happened to you won't happen to me"

(THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT THE SAME THING WILL HAPPEN TO ME)

well after that they play a board game, and y/n goes home. except, I don't know where she's planning on going because all her parents are as dead as rocks.

and that, my friends, is where the story ended. the author never updated again, and we never got to see prom. however, I know it was iconic.

[ka-writes]

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Welp sorry it be late, schools a bitch..

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Warning: murder, crime, cussing, depression, mentions of abuse, insanity.

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Inspired by:

Humans are Space Velociraptors

By:FreshRoses_InMyGarden_NeedTheRain

Some kids come from storks, others come from crashed spaceships

By: mmmajora

Home Again, Home Again

By: teeth_eater

All works can be found on Ao3

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Ao3 link:

Other fic:

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Incase you missed:

Chapter 1:

Chapter 7:

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Chapter 8: Some sort of remedy..

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Days turned into months which all ended in an ever growing pit of hopelessness.

Six months had passed since they lost the starlings. SIX fucking months, and not a damn sign that the Dream Team were even out there.

His eyes burned as he stared into the void for hours on end. The only thing keeping him from going out of the emergency hatch being the warm cup of coffee that somehow kept it’s warmth on the freezing ship.

His skin was flaky and sticky, yet he couldn’t be bothered to wash it. His stomach turned in pain, when was the last time he had eaten? His throat was sore from the coffee and his entire body complained about the stress.

The physical pain was nothing compared to the ache that seemed to seep from his core and into his bones and blood, making him more weak than physical health could ever compare too.

At this point tears were long forgotten, only leaving stains where they should be. It did nothing but cause more damage than good. His brain turned with thoughts that swore there would be vengeance for whoever stole his family.

The time had given him plans of what he would do. Most of them ending up with the starlings safe and the ship and inhabitants blown up in a painful death made by his favorite chemicals. There would be no time for them to escape and nothing would remain if he could help it.

Even then his mind was brought back to the sheer feeling of the empty void that was so easily accessible. No one could stop him if he tried, yet everything held him back.

He took a sip staring into the void, his mind buzzing with thoughts bouncing from topic to topic.

He remembered Tubbo’s eyes. The way they shone with a crave for knowledge, causing the kid to go into a fit every time Wilbur told him to go to bed.

He also remembered the distrust that gleamed in his eyes when he brought him back from that awful ship. The one that enviably broke the kid. The one that made his nature ever so careful not allowing the kid to trust anyone.

He couldn’t blame him. What Schlatt did caused his mind to forever be closed off.

He was worried for who Tubbo would blame. If it was Tommy, there would be too many issues that could cause them to fall in a different rabbit hole.

His mind wandered to the human. The bright and explosive human, that made the charred heart of Wilbur Soot turn. He had already grown attached to the kid. It had only been three days before they were ripped apart. It hurt much more than he thought it would.

His mind buzzed to the what if’s both good and bad. He took another sip. This time he stared into the void with admiration. His mind focused on plans and back ups. The details and potential failed choices. Trials and errors that only existed within the limits of his mind.

He didn’t move until Phil told him it was lunch. He pushed down the urge to hold back for another meal and ate the food offered.

He dragged a bean bag and coffee table to the spot and stared into the endless void. Continuing his train of thought, only pausing to answer questions from his family.

——————

“C’mon!” Tubbo whispered to the lacking Tommy who still couldn’t quite compete with the other’s agility. “The tracker says he’s in this room.”

They stalked silently to the door, having already memorized the creaks in the hallway. Tubbo pushed the door open and they dived into the room, barrel rolling so they wouldn’t be above the bed.

The pair clipped on gas masks and released the sleeping fumes. Tubbo signaled Tommy allowing him to sneak to the side of the bed. Carefully he laid down a bucket and took a knife out.

The man fell silent. His breathing stopped and there was no motion in his body.

After the blood stopped dripping they staged a suicide and left the room. Closing the distance between them and their ship easily.

Once they got to the ship, their hero congratulated them and they headed back to their room.

Strangely enough Tommy didn’t feel any type of excitement or joy at the mission going well. It felt wrong and burned his gut making him want to crawl into a ball and never wake up.

If he told Dream he would say he wasn’t going with his instincts and that he should forget the poison he was taught.

Dream was right.

So he laid in bed and silently congratulated himself, even though he wasn’t proud.

——————

The mission went well, in Dream’s eyes.

In Tubbo’s opinion it could’ve gone better. The human was sloppy and lacked quite a bit and was sloppy when it actually came to the job.

He was also being sloppy since he communicated more than once during the entire thing.

Hopefully he won’t have to do that when he finishes the escape route.

The only good thing that came out of the ship was he stayed fairly fit and was more attentive then he ever had been. Why did he start slacking in that sense?

His mind wandered to the many nights he stayed up late working with Wilbur on his latest fascination. Or when Techno would read his many different novels to him, since he wasn’t able to read as well as the rest of the crew. Or the times Phil would show him the cabin and teach him small tricks on how to steer the ship. Or when Ranboo and him stayed up for hours on end, exchanging small conversations and staring into the vast void of space.

Tears threatened to fall.

His mind wandered to the conversation Ranboo and Tommy had. How useless and pitiful that jealousy was. Now the one he could blame his recent pain on was laying in the same room as him, just as restless as he.

The human was strong and passionate, he could give him that. But he was also stubborn and impulsive, along with being impossibly loyal.

If Tubbo could get him on his side, they would most likely be able to get off the ship and hopefully kill their captures, if they weren’t able to get that far Wilbur and Phil definitely would.

He settled for letting himself fall asleep to the soft breaths of the human. He knew the other was still awake. He hadn’t really slept the entirety of their imprisonment most likely due to paranoia.

He wondered if he tried, maybe they would be friends or if that only existed in another world.

His thoughts roared with possibilities and thoughts of other lifes. Slowly he drifted into a slumber.

——————

His captain had turned into someone he no longer recognized.

Full of a sickly passion making him crave power.

Anyone and anything that got in the way was destroyed, which is how George found himself packing his case and booking a flight ticket off of the next planet.

He suggested they change the training for the starlings. Dream absolutely hated that and saw it as a direct violation of his loyalty.

George could feel the tears prickling his skin as he remembered how human the Dreamon looked when he finished his screaming. There were no words for the blood lust and betrayal in the dreamon’s eyes.

He bit back the pain that seemed to be swallowing him whole.

An idea blossomed.

He could use this moment as a last act of defiance.

A way to show how much pain the crew brought him.

A smile perked on his face.

An insane laugh bubbled.

Without another thought he tampered with the crew’s dreams. Letting them have the most peaceful sleep of their lives.

Dream had made a mistake. The co pilot landed the ship smoothly on the next planet.

He walked to the one room he refused to visit and opened the door.

The droneling was the first out, quickly followed by the human.

The two were off on an unknown planet and the ship was back in motion. Stopping at the planet they would use to resupply the ship and drop the ex-crewmember at.

The ship lost three inhabitants that day. Two of which got out undetected and one that would definitely have a target on his back for the rest of his life.

The other crewmen were kicked off at the next planet leaving a furious dreamon to wilt in his own madness in the void of space.

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Chapter 8-End

Words: 1455

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Hahahhahahahhabababbabbaba

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George- gets kicked out..

George- Ima make Dream mad

Proceeds to make everyone leave..

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Remember likes are appreciated but reblogs are better!! Stay safe and take care of yourself!! <3

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Chapter 9:

[henrytcasey]

The Night Trashy Tim Tapped

OH! THAT-CHERRR IS GARRRRBAGE! OH! THAT-CHERRR IS GARRRRBAGE!

As the Evolve Champion, Timothy Thatcher was the purest villain in professional wrestling. And because of what pro wrestling has become, the crowd gave him the exact reaction that a heel should want: abject and sincere hatred. And it freaks some people out.

Some have told me they’re surprised about how much the Evolve crowd hated Thatcher. Getting boos is one thing, but the unanimous lack of respect inspired by this muscular Californian demonstrates that he works on another level. Sure, he got elevated to the title soon after he joined Evolve and held the title for longer than some might like, but there’s more happening here.

We live in a time of mixed heat, where fans appreciate Brock Lesnar’s freak physique, abiding mystery and overall singularity. Kevin Owens gets applause for his time spent on the independent circuit, his cool moveset and mastery of the microphone. Even when Seth Rollins is a heel, fans are in awe over his flippy shit.

Even the independent scene is filled with Cool Bad Guys. On paper, the Young Bucks, Adam Cole, and Cody (all members of The We’re So Cool Bullet Club) are baddies. Yet none of them get treated as the villains by anyone, even in Japan, the land of fans supposedly rooting and booing by the numbers. They get the chants of “Too Sweet!” Fans want to do the Wolfpac Salute (also called the “Too Sweet!”) with them. Their superkicks cause riots. And unless they’re booked to be the good guys, it makes for really messy stories, or a lack thereof.

In a way, Thatcher works above all of those prominent wrestlers because he does nothing exciting. He only provides a convincingly brutal but incredibly dry in-ring style, to a point where I can’t say more than that.

Thatcher doesn’t do social media or meet & greet merch sales either. His character, if you could call it that, is in absentia.

Thatcher gives the Evolve audience so little (beyond his straightforward, no-frills, no-fun, almost San Antonio Spurs-ian style of wrestling), that I can’t help but over-analyze what he does offer.

His only accoutrement, until recently at least, was the phrase Ring Kampf on his gear. Kampf loosely translates to Fight, but since Ring Fight doesn’t really say much, the gear provides more obfuscation of his character.

Someone looking to make conclusions where they are not might remember that Kampf is one of the two words in the title of Hitler’s book Mein Kampf, so that might mean something. It doesn’t, or at least not like that. Ring Kampf is a faction of a bunch of German wrestlers plus Thatcher, and they all have a look reminiscent of … yeah.

So because Thatcher’s style is so minimalist, in an era where fans are used to heels with more characteristics, Evolve turned up the heat by pairing him with Stokely Hathaway. Hathaway, who needed a new client after he managed the now-reviled TJ Perkins until TJP made it to the WWE main roster.

Perkins, by the way, is a clear example of how a character will fail if they straddle the line between hero and villain sloppily. Sure, he does flippy moves, loves video games, and fights bullies, but he’s smug and egotistic. Further, some hate him for his history of tweeting Men’s Rights Activist ideologies.

Hathaway, though, adds delusions of grandeur to the screen when Thatcher appears. We know to boo the daylights out of Stokely, but we also respect his facial expressions and his ability on the microphone. During his time with Thatcher, he kept bringing up his client’s epic reign, which was 596 days-long when Evolve 79 began. It didn’t see day 597.

Thatcher went into the weekend of Evolve 78 & 79 (Feb. 24 & 25) with two scheduled title defenses: Fred Yehi at 78 at Joppa, MD, and Zack Sabre Jr. at 79 at Queens, NY. But unfortunately, the former was already doomed.

Evolve pre-announced that Evolve 79 would feature a match where the loser of Thatcher / Yehi would fight in a Four-Way Freestyle match featuring Chris Dickinson, Anthony Henry, and Austin Theory.

While he’s one half of the Evolve Tag Team Champions, Yehi made so much sense for this match, especially with his experience fighting some of those guys in other promotions. Further, Thatcher just sounded wrong for a match comprised of guys so farther down on the card than he, the Evolve champion.

Yehi’s loss didn’t suggest Sabre Jr. would win, but it was frustrating. Yehi, who is introduced as “angry, pissed off, and short” is amazing in the ring, mixing submissions, unexpected strikes and a manic energy together. Watching his match and being sure he had no chance was unengaging. Dude could also benefit more from a title win than Zack Sabre Jr., as the Brit is one of the most-well-known independent wrestlers today.

Not only is Zack Sabre Jr. the Pro Wrestling Guerilla champ, but his notoriety rose with the WWE Cruiserweight Classic last summer. He went in as an established name, and one of the few at that, and left with more fame than before.

But while Thatcher / Zack Sabre Jr. is a big match because of ZSJ’s star power, I went in expecting him to lose. Death, Taxes and Tim Thatcher’s reign, I thought, were sacrosanct. Wouldn’t you want Thatcher’s reign to end at an Evolve event during the big, upcoming WrestleMania weekend series of shows?

So, you know the quoted chant that I led this piece with? That chant, which might have been made by the fans on the spot, was sung in the key of “Oh, Zack Sabre Juuuuunior!” And of course, that’s sung in the style of The White Stripes song “Seven Nation Army,” an insanely popular song in sports arenas across the world and in ZSJ’s home country.

That chant spun out of the standard “That! cher’s! Garbage!” chant that follows Tim everywhere. Is the chant what spawned the nickname name Trashy Tim, or was it the other way around? Is calling Thatcher garbage a derision of his plainness, or a sign of respect for how pure his villainy is? I like to hope it’s the latter. That in a time where too many blur the lines, Thatcher is the one true evil.

That might not be it, though. Thatcher as the dry, dominant champ doesn’t always work, though. When I saw him in person for the first time, defending his title against Drew Gulak at Evolve 67, the crowd sort of died around him.

Maybe the gymnasium they were performing in was too muggy, as we were all drenched with our own salty sweat. Knife-edge chops against chests resulted in mid-air splashes.

Maybe the crowd was too wiped from one hell of a show, which included a great matches such as Tommy End vs Matt Riddle, Chris Hero vs Cody, and Cedric Alexander vs Zack Sabre Jr..

No matter why that match fell apart (maybe Gulak and Thatcher are too similar in their grappling style) maybe experiences like it created the hate from the fans. Creating the sense that Thatcher is bland and that bland isn’t worth it.

Fortunately, Sabre Jr. and Thatcher built and delivered a solid match for the crowd at Evolve 79 in La Boom and those watching at home. The match blended speedy and powerful strikes with signature submissions just right, and the crowd took to it. The tension of Thatcher retaining sparked the fire of that chant, which the crowd volleyed back and forth with its inspirer:

OH! THAT-CHERRR IS GARRRRBAGE! OH! ZACK-SABERR JUUUU-NNNIOR! OH! THAT-CHERRR IS GARRRRBAGE! OH! ZACK-SABERR JUUUU-NNNIOR! OH! THAT-CHERRR IS GARRRRBAGE! OH! ZACK-SABERR JUUUU-NNNIOR!

The chants filled the room and took the moment to another level. Almost to that point of John Cena vs CM Punk at Money in the Bank 2011. Not that high up, but close.

And then when Thatcher eventually tapped out to Sabre Jr.’s laboriously-long-titled submission (Hurrah! Another Year, Surely This One Will Be Better Than The Last; The Inexorable March of Progress Will Lead Us All to Happiness), I didn’t buy it.

I kept asking the people around me how it would be reversed. But Thatcher tapped, his time was over.

The crowd was apoplectic when Thatcher tapped out. Not just because this was something they wanted and may not have expected, but because Stokely Hathaway was having a nervous breakdown in the aftermath. Stokely clutched the title tight, and tried to refuse Thatcher taking it from him, to give to Sabre Jr.

The moment was pure delirium for more than just the crowd and the end of Tim’s reign. I was over-the-moon happy for ZSJ on a personal level. Repeated encounters I’d had with the guy left a very positive impression upon me, but he grew even higher in my opinion by taking a humane political stance.

In the aftermath of Shitbird President Trump’s xenophobic executive order against immigrants, Sabre Jr. released a shirt for sale that reads “This Wrestler Armbars Facists”) and gave all of his proceeds ($2,400 as of March 1) to the ACLU. I bought one immediately, and felt an even stronger bond with the Brit.

After winning the title, Sabre Jr. took the mic and declared (somewhat randomly) that pro wrestling should be a place for everyone. It was of course a good thing to say and a nice high-note to end the night on, but it took our focus away from the title change from Thatcher to ZSJ. Also, the placement of that line, between the finish and the setup for future matches with other wrestlers, took away.

As trashy as Timothy Thatcher may be, he’s no bigot, and neither is anyone in Evolve, so it rang a little oddly, ricocheting off the walls at zany angles, not raising the room to a higher plateau. The fervor of the room stayed at this level, though. That was the boiling energy of the end of Thatcher as champ. That the people would no longer be cursed by his plainness.

What Evolve does next with Thatcher is unclear, but it certainly ended on a fantastic moment. The title change also sets up a big-time main event for WrestleMania weekend, with ZSJ going up against fellow fan-favorite ACH. It’s also an interesting friend vs. friend match, as the end of Evolve 77 showed the bond between them and Chris Hero, who addressed ACH as “Albert.”

ZSJ also plans to fight in New Japan this year, which makes him an even more valuable champ for Evolve. He can bring the title to the east and give Evolve that prestige by successfully defending it there.

And as much as I will gripe that it shoulda been Yehi, he didn’t leave La Boom empty handed, but with a feud against the white-hot Matthew Riddle. A feud that could lead to Yehi being back in contention for the Evolve title.

A Yehi win would have also been explosive, but that’s the great thing about a truly detestable villain: you don’t always need the right hero to topple them.

[grimtime]

Analysis of an analysis

The main plot of The Room is very simple and God I wish I lived in the universe in which it weren’t, just to see, what it would’ve been like if the director were allowed to go fucking ham on the script. It reads like something I’d have written when I was like 9, only to go back and remove the more blatantly unrealistic elements (pirates) and insert in a lot of what my 9 year old idea of Adult Drama would be.

Jesus fucking Christ okay gimme an exacto knife and I’ll slice these boxes there is already way too much to unpack.

Why am I drawn to convolution? Why does it matter to me if the director had total creative freedom? Why would my nine year old self write a misogynistic story about betrayal culminating in a suicide and why would that be my nine year old idea of adult drama? Why did I specify I liked pirates when I was nine? Does that matter? 

It’s about a woman (Lisa) who cheats on her fiance (Johnny) with his best friend (Mark), because she’s fallen out of love with him, and the inaction of everyone involved as well as the transgression itself drives Johnny to commit suicide.

Did Tommy Wiseau intend for everyone else to betray Johnny through their inaction, or was that just my understanding of it at the time? I rewatched the film yesterday and actually, a LOT of characters try their best to mitigate the damage and stop it in its tracks. So why did I say they were inactive? 

I kinda wanna make a shittily edited montage with scenes of Mark and Johnny to Even In Death or My Immortal or something like that by Amy Lee but I don’t know how to edit video, so that’s out, for now.

Why do I want to do this? It’s not a competent film, but why do I want to mock it? Also, I like Amy Lee, so why do I want to mock it through that specific medium? And why do I want to focus it on Mark and Johnny? What’s the relevance of that? Why did I choose those two songs specifically as well? Both of which focus on grieving and being haunted by the memory of a dead loved one. 

There are a few unresolved subplots as well which I’ll get to later.

The film introduces the two main characters, Johnny and Lisa, by Johnny giving Lisa a red dress as a gift. If a man got me a sexy red dress as a gift I’d kill him. Fucking dresses and flowers and petals he’s just PERFORMING romance. He performs EVERYTHING with symbolic shorthand “oh, how do people act, men play catch I think? Eeeerrrrr then I will have my men play catch. In SUITS. Yeah this is humanity I fuckin’ nailed it.”

Why do I feel the need to specify that I wouldn’t appreciate a sexy red dress from a man as a gift? It makes sense for a man to gift his fiance a sexy red dress. There’s nothing intrinsically wrong with that. Why did I specify that I wouldn’t appreciate it, when my personal distaste has nothing to do with it. Nobody reading this needs to know. I don’t need to tell them that. 

Why so critical about Johnny’s performance of human concepts like male friendship and romance? Why did I mock it? What is wrong about it? 

There’s a running thread throughout this movie, wherein Johnny’s primary mode of affection is incredibly materialistic, and his friends value him primarily for what he can do for them on a financial/material scale. #Crapitalism. Similarly Lisa is only ever valued by other people for her external appearance cuz all the men are thotty creeps.

Is this assertion even accurate? Johnny provides emotional support to his friends throughout the movie. It might be more accurate to say that Johnny values *himself* for what he can provide. But this isn’t about that. Why did I discard his emotional support? Why did I assert that his affection is materialistic only? Why did I say his friends only value him based on that? 

I don’t think I’m wrong about what Lisa is valued for. But why did I pick up on that in the first place?

Blaa blaa fucking blaa dichotomy between realism crossing into surrealism Tommy Wiseau’s a misogynist and I can and will fucking make Lisa an interesting character blaa blaa fucking blaa nobody’s going to read this fuck you.

Why did I mock my own analysis in this paragraph and only very disparagingly allude to the realism -> surrealism? Is it because it’s kind of fucking pretentious? It IS. But why do I give a shit. And why do I simply just not shut the fuck up and not say it at all? Why do I say it? Am I trying to communicate I know it’s inherently kind of ridiculous? Why? For who? What am I hoping to maintain?

Why did I gravitate so strongly to Lisa’s defense despite knowing she has very few, if ANY, redeeming personality traits. I know if she were a real person I wouldn’t like her. Why do I feel the need to impose depth on a character that wasn’t intended to have any? Defiance in response to the inherently misogynic portrayal of women? Why do I feel the need to defy Tommy Wiseau’s original intentions? What am I expecting to accomplish? 

If I posit that I have no audience, who is this for? And WHY do I posit that I have no audience? Why is that important? What purpose does pointing it out serve?

Lisa is the surreal element- every other character is pretty fuckin’ preoccupied in their social status and place in their society and maintaining it, bitch gets what she wants she ain’t about that conformity. I mean she’s also an adulterer but fucking hell I have to impose depth art is interpretive blaa blaa fucking blaa why did I delete my blog I don’t remember anyone’s URL LMAO.

Here I equate surrealism with anti-conformity. Which is kind of strange, because it implies that I think conforming to society, accepting your social status, and maintaining it is realistic. The tone of this paragraph when talking about Lisa’s “surrealism” is pretty positive toward her. Which would also imply that I think realism is bad. 

Why do I HAVE to impose depth and my own ideas onto Lisa specifically? Why do I keep justifying myself with “art is interpretive”? 

I then proceed to dip the fuck out and mock my impulsiveness as if trying to remind an audience (that I supposedly do not have) that I’m self aware of my own pretentious and inherently kind of stupid shortcomings. But if there’s no audience, as I said earlier, who is that directed toward? 

Anyway I guess there’s something to be said for Johnny destroying all his possessions at the climax of the movie. Once he loses his trophy woman to his best friend he has nothing left, does he? He really has nothing going for him. I mean he has his job still but when he loses his already pretty flimsy social life all he has left are his materialistic possessions and they can’t exactly do therapy at him. But his entire life is his job and what he can possess. Destroying the only things he has left is self destruction. SHE TORE HIM APART.

Why would I claim that he has nothing but his material possessions left? I don’t think this is supported by the movie. He has his other friends. He has Denny.  I’m contradicting the source material to impose a certain idea onto Johnny. Why? 

Why did I reference a line in the movie to mock his act of self destruction? 

Ripping Lisa’s red dress at the end is a symbolic murder– because I don’t believe he ever saw Lisa as her own person. He saw her as another thing he could possess. A symbol of status he could dress up. A material. Lisa may as well have been a bit of red fabric. After all the momentum of the film often halts just to have characters comment on her hotness. Supporting this statement is the fact that, although she was lying about physical abuse, he does get pretty physical with her soon after. Foreshadowing? Fuck if I know, this movie wasn’t made competently. Was I written competently? Am I going to spiral before I die? Questions questions! All of them edgy!

I don’t know that I’m correct when I say that Lisa was his trophy, and a status symbol. He killed himself over her unfaithfulness. He stated a few times that she was clever. So why do I assert that she’s no different than any other possession he had? 

Does the momentum of the film REALLY come to a halt to have characters remark on her appearance? Why do I take notice of that? Why is it important to me to say that? 

I support that the tearing of the red dress is symbolic of murder by stating that Lisa’s lies about being physically abused are foreshadowing of that event. Maybe that’s a stretch in the context of the FILM, but I’ve also asserted that joking about having a heart attack was foreshadowing for my heart attack, so even though it’s a stretch when you apply that to the FILM, it’s not a stretch when you apply that to REALITY. Why is foreshadowing important to me in that way? 

I immediately state I don’t know, and that the movie wasn’t made competently, but we all knew it wasn’t. I immediately focus back on real life implications. Was my attempt at comprehending the narrative of The Room an attempt to comprehend the narrative of real life? If so, why did I pick THE ROOM, of all movies? If you’re self deprecating on a blog with no followers and nobody reads your post, does it make a meaning?

I wonder if there are any shitty fanfics written about Tommy Wiseau on wattpad. I’m not looking. But I fucking wonder.

Why the change in topic? Why wattpad, a fiction site known for mostly hosting kids fictions? Why am I drawn to haphazardly made fiction? 

Nevermind I looked and there’s “Trapped On An Island With Tommy Wiseau”. Fucking. Glorious. Why didn’t I pick THAT to over analyse? Holy fucking shit it’s amazing. I want to know where THAT story is going.

Whatever.

Why did I change my mind and look? I immediately contradict myself. Why DIDN’T I analyse that fiction over this one? Why did I like it so much? Why did I want to know where that was going? Why “whatever”? Is not saying something just as important as saying it? Bring up an idea only to dismiss it immediately after. 

So anyway, people repeat themselves when they talk sometimes, and they do it in the movie as well. That’s cool. That’s good. That adds some naturalism to it. That makes it seem like real people talking and not actors. Yeah.

The tone of this paragraph is different to all the other paragraphs. Why? What was I thinking?

EXCEPT IT DIVES ASS OVER TEAKETTLE INTO SURREALISM! When those people repeat themselves in ways that don’t make sense as a shorthand way to progress the scene. It’s just a single step removed from [INSERT SOMETHING TO CHANGE THE SCENE HERE]. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

What’s the purpose of pointing this out? I remember saying this and wondering if I’ve ever heard or said any artificial, fake sounding excuses to progress a plot or scene. Why did I pick “I don’t want to talk about it” as my cited quote over all the other choices? Do I just not want to talk about it anymore? If I didn’t- I wouldn’t. Does the AUTHOR not want me to talk about it? That is after all the same reason Lisa reuses that quote over and over. She wouldn’t bring it up if she didn’t want to. Tommy Wiseau is the one who wants her to stop talking about it. Why can I not focus too hard on this?

It’s something isn’t it. Damn. Yep. I’m chewing gum with the paper still on it just to see what happens. Hope it’s not poisoooooooon.

I unceremoniously change the subject to totally irrelevant bullshit, highlighting my own stupidity, as if to remind somebody of it. What audience? Then the subject of poison. Why? 

Aw hell I had to talk about the subplots. Iuno. INSERT SUBPLOT BLATHERING HERE. Danny took drugs. That was something. Amazingly the movie treats drugs and alcohol as bigger sins than attempted murder and assault! The characters do! Everyone does! Fucking glorious. IT’S NOT WHAT THE ILLICIT SUBSTANCES MAKE YOU DO UNDER THE INFLUENCE, IT’S THAT YA TOOK EM AT ALL! I forget what it means.

I hastily talk about the subplots, only really focusing on the alcohol and drugs/attempted murder and assault, for the purpose of mocking the condemnation of both over murder/domestic abuse. Why so hastily and haphazard, though? “I forget what it means” but I still bring it up? Why?

YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, NOCTURNE-DOLCE!!!

Why this joke? Is there significance to putting Nocturne in the role of Lisa? The placement of this joke is odd, too. Why here? Why now? Why out of nowhere? What am I mocking? Why am I mocking it? It’s a total non-sequitur. 

Yeah. I wonder if I could construct a shitty emo poem using only lines of dialogue from The Room.

Why?

Don’t leave I need you, I love you Everything is going wrong

You don’t want to talk to me

They trick me They didn’t keep their promise They betray me, and I don’t care anymore

You are TEARING ME APART

I don’t care

Everything is not okay

Don’t worry about it

It’s definitely shitty.

Why did I pick these specific lines of dialogue? Why did I do this at all? Who benefits from it? What’s it even saying?

The more I think on it the more I realize that Lisa is literally the only character that develops as the movie goes on. I mean her development is basically “HOT ADULTERER IS EVIL WOMAN BITCH” but, yknow, at least she’s not like poor dumb Mark who has sex with her countless times and still manages to be stunned when she proposistions him for sex.

Why did I pick up on this? What significance does it have?  

Arguably she’s also the only character that shows any kind of agency; all the other characters seem to have their patterns. Mark asks her “why are you doing this to me” as if he’s a totally passive, blameless bystander, each scene with Claudette is exactly the same as the last, etc. The only character that really advances the plot is Lisa.

Are there blameless bystanders in our reality? Who have no agency? Are we some of them? Are we Lisa, or are we Mark? Is agency indicative of immorality in the context of this movie and our lives? 

Lisa: agent of chaos and change. I unironically adore the PISS out of her dialogue. Check it the fuck out:  

If so what does my admiration say about me? She is unquestionably the villain of the film? Why do I choose her as the favorite?

You know, I really loved Johnny at first. Everything’s changed. I need more from life than what Johnny can give me. Suddenly my eyes are wide open and I can see everything so clearly. I want it all.

If he can’t give me what I want, somebody else will.

You have to take as much as you can. You have to live, live, live.

I don’t see what the big deal is. Doesn’t everybody look out for number one? Don’t I deserve the best?

There is no baby. I told him that to make it interesting. We’re probably going to have a baby eventually anyway.

I am not responsible for Johnny. I’m through with that. I’m changing. I have the right, don’t I? People are changing all the time. I have to think about my future. What’s it to you?

Do I identify with Lisa? If so, why? Is it because she’s supposed to be representative of all woman and I’m compelled to argue against the really sexist idea of that while still obeying the framework of the movie? Or is it foreshadowing of future villainy? Foreshadowing is after all significant? Is my pursuit of personal agency evil? 

Hot take: Lisa and Lola are the same character except one is a fish from Shark Tale and the other is Lisa from The Room.

This is ominous.