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savnofilter · 4 years

Text

Kinktober Day 16

yandere!s. tomura

☠️ warning(s): 𝕘𝕦𝕟 𝕡𝕝𝕒𝕪, fear play, toxic relationships, unhealthy relationship dynamics, degrading, pet names, dub-con.

☠️ genre: smut, holiday special.

☠️ words: 700 [2 minutes, 50 seconds].

☠️ read more: kinktober(uary) | part one

☠️ summary: shigaraki has a sick habit of ‘spicing up’ things in the bedroom, did he go too far this time?

☠️ a/n: dub-con cause reader doesnt want the g*n. also, never force your s/o to kink and vice versa. do not read if you have been in a toxic relationship, i really dont recommend doing this irl. leave it to the fics.

Originally, Shigaraki had pointed the gun to the middle of your forehead, as he did on his first night when he had finally confronted you. His hand grip on the weapon was nothing more but stern and strong, sure not to accidentally injure you in any way. At least he'd never do it on purpose… not in a permanent way. He wasn’t afraid of introducing pain-inducing kinks and this was a new one that you really didn't like.

"Such a little slut, you're squeezing so tight around me~” He mocked you for how well you squeezed around him, cackling as you did nothing more than look pleadingly up at him. “I bet you like the thought of me ending your life?" He leans down to look at you. The power he had in his body -- most importantly his hips -- was more deceptive than it looked. You’d think that it would at least have him panting but nope. Just like his physique, he managed to surprise you with many things. Just like when he handed it to you, your handheld the gun as it trembled as you held it up to his head, your expression nothing more than worried and dread. Even so, the danger of what could happen was what made you beg him for more.

“C’mon, don’t you like the danger?”

It seemed as though he already knew the answer. You didn’t want to hold the gun. Especially with the fact his hands now held your thighs too tight to you and you were just so close to finishing. You didn’t want to harm him, as much as you resented him. Most times you felt bad for him and he hated that. Shigaraki wanted you to hate him, loathe him, kick away from him and tell him how much you hated him as he had his way with you.

But it never worked like that. You weren’t pure in the sense that you didn't know what was going on, more on the side that you would rather help him love healthily, instead you were conservative in keeping things shamefully vanilla. Show him that not everything he loves has to hurt. But of course, like most things, that was utterly boring. So he had to spice things up like this, especially in the bedroom.

“You’re about to bust a fuckin’ nut at the thought of blowing my brains out, aren’t you?” He grins maniacally at the desperate shake of your head, the nerves in your hand not giving a fighting chance to stay still. He gripped your wrist and held it up, his hips still slamming into yours. He angled it to piston into your g-spot, the jabs making your body tremble as you whimpered, hating the idea of even having to hold this metal-piece-of-shit.

“T-Tomura!” Your eyes beaded with tears, the other gripping the sheet beneath you, hand wanting to pull away. “I-I’m t-too close!” You clenched your eyes, finger trembling against it as your body tensed and you came. You refused to move, the sound of your heart pounding loudly in your ears as you try ready yourself from the scene in front of you, breathing deep and heavy. You shook almost uncontrollably only to notice that he was okay. And actually, did in fact jizz at the sight of you being scared out of your mind. You were slow in opening one of your eyes, looking up at the deranged lover on top of you. Your face was nothing but fearful and angry, pulling away from as he started to mock you.

"See how that was fun? We both had a great time!" Shigaraki chided on, leaning down to kiss at your neck and chest, hands interlocking with yours as he started to needily rock his hips into you once more. "For being such a good girl, I'll treat you extra nice tonight."

You couldn't help but curl into him. Either he didn't realize that he had just traumatized you or was he too desensitized to even consider the thought. Just like at the beginning of your toxic relationship, you found yourself in your toxic role to play in his heart corrupt heart, his beloved "therapist".

You promised yourself that you'd just have to work on him a little harder, and hopefully, soon he'd come around.

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cafe-enchante · 4 years

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The Main 5 + Solitus and Asmodeus as Dads

On mobile so no Read More, beware of Spoilers.

Canus Espada

* He was a nervous wreck when the little one was born, but his flames burned bright when he first held his child

* You had to remind him that you need to feed the child before he gives them back.

* spends the first few years of the child's life in his mundane look, refusing to don his true armored persona until they are older. He also constantly manifests his helmet, very aware of how he scared you as a kid and doesnt want to scare his own

* He's really glad you cant see his face when he manifests his helmet so you cant see his expression when it's his turn to change diapers

* He always gets up when your child cries at night and will never wake you. You remind him that you can and should take turns but he refuses. As a father and a Knight it is his duty to console the child between the two of you when they cry at night.

* He is the same way when the child is older and they have a nightmare (you'll find him awake and alert at their bed in the morning, ready to scare off any potential spooks. He knows they arent real, he just wants his child to feel safe)

* he is the Stern but Fair type of Dad, and a bit overprotective.

* absolutely part of the PTA and has absolutely gotten into arguements with mothers over bake sale items

Il Fado de Rei

* Bless him, he tries

* you had twins. He is confusion about this but takes it in stride.

* Won't change diapers due to the smell

* he learned his lesson and makes sure he never puts magic in his singing, so he sings a lot to the twins.

* he did some reading before the twins were born, but it didn't prepare him at all.

* You'll have to wake him up if the twins start crying at night, but out of everyone he is the best at calming them down and getting back to sleep (without magic even!)

* you'll have to remind him that they are still to small to fly until they aren't. He is very eager to teach them how.

* He will go to any and all events for the twins as they grow. Choir? He is front seat, crying, with flowers. Karate? Front seat and cheering them on (and you keeping him from using magic to help the twins win). Spelling Bee? He will help them study. Graduation? Front row and crying. It's the only time you let him usemagic, to create feather-like confetti when the twins get their diplomas.

* a pretty laid back dad, he let's the twins get away with a lot more than he should. That said, the twins do know that if he is genuinely upset with them then they very much messed up.

Ignis Carbunculus

* Hope you wanted a lot of kids!

* Very much into playing with them and very active with the kids.

* if your kids cry at night he is up and to them right away. Pure instinct on his part, and quick to growl at anything that creaks while he's calming them down.

* Initially he has trouble changing diapers due to the smell (he will wear masks for awhile). By kid 6 he is changing diapers and yeeting it into the bin (that he moved under the nursery window outside by kid 3) like an absolute pro.

* the Fun Dad, he takes the kids out to run and play and do sports almost constantly. It gives you a much needed break and by the time they are back it is usually nap time due to how tired they are

* Will absolutely throw hands with other parents or with kids if he finds out someone is bullying one of his Pups. Stop him.

* You'll have to get your tubes tied in order to stop having kids btw.

Rindo Kaoru

* has a lot of reservations and fears in the beginning (due to his appearance), but is easily the most adept at being a dad.

* very much helps in his share of the duties, be it calming the kid at night or changing diapers. It's a team effort.

* like Canus, he tends to be stern and fair, but is more laid back about it and slightly less protective as they get older. He remembers how rambunctious he was as a kid and knows that sometimes you have to learn a lesson the hard way.

* The best at helping with homework, but doesn't go to Parent-Teacher Meetings for obvious reasons. He does make it to events but is usually in the far back and away from the other adults. He is always super proud though.

Misyr Rex

* If this is Pre-Reveal he is a nervous wreck when the kid is born. He can feel his heart stop and blood turn cold when you hold your daughter and he is sure you dont turn to ash.

* a pretty Fun Dad, he made sure to do his research and likes to use his magic to entertain his daughter (even if he is unsure she will ever use it)

* You'll be the one up with the child in the middle of the night since he has to return to his world. It breaks his heart but he doesnt have a choice

* he takes over diaper changing duty to make up for it.

* if it's post-route he is beaming from ear to ear.

* he worries a bit that your daughter might have your powers, but doesn't let it get to him and takes it one step at a time.

* walks her to school, helps her with homework, stays up with her at night as needed. He is a very attentive and supportive Dad and is very clearly loved in return.

*if you complain that he is being more of a parent then you he will admit it's because neither of you know if the child will outlast him by centuries due to your status, and he wants to make sure his daughter has lasting memories of him.

* He's pretty much the same way with any future kids and grandkids.

Solitus

* He tries to stay calm in the beginning but it's pretty clear he feels out of his depth when you give birth to his son

* he did the research, he thought he could handle it, but the first time his son cries in the middle of the night his heart is racing and he's terrified they are being hurt

* he gets over it, but still takes over night duties due to that anxiety

* you cant tell if he is effected by smelly diapers or not, he handles it very well. It is one of the few things the two of you take equal turns on though.

* isn't to keen on teaching his son to fly until they are much older, and by then your son is begging. He is just worried their wings might not support them

* a VERY good tutor to his son, you are going to have a very brainy child. He will attend events but don't expect him to get fired up

* will try to join the PTA. Do not let him

* seriously, do not let him

Asmodeus

* You have to talk him out of making the birth a national holiday.

* You aren't successful.

* The crib is in your shared room for the first few months so you both get up at night. You do worry he'd make it worse and are genuinely surprised at how loving and gentle when he rocks the child back to sleep.

* Hires someone specifically to change diapers. It's the one thing you instantly agree to

* he had private tutors lined up before you were even pregnant. Make sure you vet them before they start.

* He boasts about any and all accomplishments the child makes and will proudly display any and all trophies and ribbons. If you dont stop him he will make them national treasures.

* you dont stop him.

* Despite all of this, he is actually a really amazing father that is always there emotionally and physically for his child(ren). He is also very attentive to make sure his children grow up with more humility and more humble then you'd expect from him. He always stresses the importance that they become a future Ruler that the demons will respect and love, not fear or resent.

#cafe enchante #misyr rex #il fado de rie #my stuff #kotone awaki #ignis carbunculus #canus espada #rindo kaoru #solitus #asmodeus #hcs

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tigerdrop · 4 years

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Cringe is dead, talk to me about the funny half-life men and their relationship

okay here is my essay. it is titled These Guys Actually Like Each Other, and Gordon Freeman Is Just Kind Of A Dick*

(disclaimer: these are just my 2 cents. dont take me too seriously! im just some guy online who has watched this shit too many times.)

first things first. these guys actually like each other. this is a key aspect of their relationship. benrey, obviously and textually, digs gordon freeman - you dont flirt that heavily with guys you arent into, and so much of what he says and does is geared around making gordon crack up. thats pretty gay.

but the counterpart to this is that gordon freemans pretty fucking gay for benrey, too. you may say, “oh, but word of god says its not requited!” and to you i will say: bull shit. gordon is uniquely obsessed with benrey compared to all the other characters. if gordon didnt like the fucking guy, he wouldnt giggle with him and share in-jokes with him and bring him up every 5 seconds when benreys not around. thats concern, bro. thats worry. thats real shit

but i cant blame people for thinking that gordon freeman genuinely doesnt like benrey. benreys partially responsible for some of the worst things that have happened to him, the Arm Thing among them. and gordons very insistent afterward that he doesnt like benrey. he even goes so far as to try to kill benrey a couple times. to this, i must argue that gordon freeman is just kind of a dick.

lets talk facts here. canon. Lore. from the moment we hop into gordons shoes, we can see that he is a jerk to every npc on his way into black mesa. this is his default: a dude who just runs his mouth and says rude shit. he calls tommy a freak within 5 minutes of meeting him. he infantilizes the guy and barely considers him a real scientist. he doubts that bubby is a real name for like no fuckin reason. in “real life”, this is because its funny, and wayne is trying to make a funny half-life stream. in a textual sense, this is because gordon “hlvrai” freeman is a dick. this is the way he acts, consistently, throughout the series.

(brief aside: this is why the whole “gordon is a nice guy and a great dad” characterization baffles me. the way he actually acts in canon is, in short, bitchy and lacking in self-awareness. and i love that for him, i really do. it makes the moments where he just tries to be a nice guy stand out. but thats the thing: his intermittent moments of decency and kindness are not the whole of his personality! this dude kind of sucks most of the time!)

the way that gordons general asshole attitude extends to benrey is complicated. in fairness, benrey makes it his job to annoy the shit out of gordon as much as possible, and that warrants a negative attitude, but gordons pretty paranoid and ends up blaming benrey for nearly everything that happens to him, regardless of if its warranted. this is a pattern he exhibits both before and after the Arm Thing. its a little bit of a dick move! especially considering that, prior to the whole “betrayal” subplot (which was not exactly planned very far in advance), benrey is no more malicious or annoying than anybody else gordons having to travel with.

(okay, this is kind of a subjective evaluation, but still. my point stands that benrey is not any more of a hindrance to his progress than anybody else in the science crew, and neither is he particularly more violent or murderous. hell, gordon freeman has probably killed more guys than benrey. benrey just tends to get.......special treatment.)

all that said, i am still convinced that gordon really fucking likes benrey. please consider with me the following: it would be remarkably easy for gordon to just ignore him and do what he has to do, but he doesnt. he could stop engaging. he could stop thinking about benrey. he could stop bringing benrey up to the rest of the crew every time benrey leaves to do his own thing for awhile. but he doesnt. and, again, yeah, the extra-textual reason for this is “two guys are doing an improv comedy thing and bouncing off of scorpy is kind of the point”, but within the text it reads to me as gordon not being about to get the dude off his mind.

and this is in addition to all the times we see gordon being genuinely nice and receptive toward benrey! its in the little things: laughing the hardest and longest at benreys jokes. only ever reciprocating that stupid underwater “BBBBB” thing with benrey. trying to catch benrey when he falls, despite his insistence moments earlier that benrey should hop in the wack ass crystal generator and get hypermurdered. fondly remarking that benreys sweet voice sounds beautiful. his sort of flustered responses to most of benreys overt flirting. none of this is the way normal people react to a guy they hate. this is all fuckin gay to me, man.

its this combination of the outward insistence that gordon hates benrey with his inner eagerness to be around him and think about him and engage with him that gives off strong “repression” vibes, to me. for whatever reason - pride, embarrassment, resentment - gordon maintains a front of hating the guy and wanting to kill him for a lot of the series, but it doesnt gel with the way he fucking giggles and plays along half the time that benrey starts fucking with him. its a game, and that game is one of the only ways gordon knows to manifest affection for him.

(remember “oh my god, hes got a knife!”? that was the gayest shit i ever seen in my life. tittering like a schoolgirl while benrey chases him around like “im gonna get you haha”. insanity.)

the cool thing about repression is that you can have it manifest in a lot of ways! and this is where things like “headcanons” and “my own personal affection for repressed bisexual men” come in. a lot of how i characterize their relationship is an extrapolation of a lot of things like gordons canonical insecurity issues/anxiety, gordons whole anti-bootboy thing screaming “internet wokeboy who means well but probably has a lot of repressed baggage” to me, etc.

how do you get massive amounts of sexual repression out of what you see in canon, you might ask? well. if wayne would stop having gordon talking about being jerked off by the suit, or talking about chugging a 40-gal drum of potion and having to hold his piss, or worrying about being eaten by benrey the moment he sees benrey at setscale 10, maybe i would have a higher opinion of gordon “hlvrai” freeman and whatever latent psychosexual issues hes got going on. but here we are

i havent even touched yet upon how benrey feels about gordon. this one is helpfully made a little more plain by the fact that benrey very much wants to suck his dick in canon. (i dont even have to go into details. we all know.) but IMO the best part about this ship isnt just that they dig each other, but how. benrey gets overtly flirtatious in the second half of the series, but IMO his preferred method of flirting is just fucking with gordon: chasing him with knives, shoving him around in a bathroom, trying to get scans of his feet. but all in like a slapstick, giggly, fun-and-games sense, you know? at least when it works.

a lot of the time, though, it doesnt work out that way. he clearly just likes doing it whether or not gordon responds positively. which is, you know, Weird. not very nice. but also in line with the way everybody else treats gordon freeman. gordons kind of the universes chew toy in any given universe, and the same holds true here. hes kind of helpless......subjected to 4 demons attempting to make his life as difficult as possible. in a way its cathartic.

sorry. i got sidetracked. anyway, benrey very much likes to mess with him and unnerve him and demean him and i will be perfectly frank with you: that is hot. i have problems and illnesses and one of them is that i am a masochist who goes crazy for that kind of thing. calling gordon a “dirty lil boy” and telling him to “look at the mess [he] made” is some straight up kink scene shit.

i like to imagine that a lot of this behavior isnt caused just by the guy who played him wanting to be funny and antagonistic, but by benrey as a character not really understanding what constitutes “pushing a joke too far”. hes not human, and whatever he is doesnt have a very normative way of understanding the world around him, full of people who actually get hurt for real and die for real. benrey expresses what seems to be genuine surprise and distress after the Arm Thing, as if he didnt know that his actions would have serious consequences. and it doesnt seem to fully sink in afterward, either.

it reads a lot to me like hes used to video game rules and treating people around him like NPCs. if they get hurt, its no big deal, because its not real. he likes jamming random buttons on gordons interface and seeing what comes out. its probably a lot of fun for him, the same way that seeing a streamer or a youtuber suffer for our amusement is fun. its like, you know, in my opinion, gordons very cute when hes frazzled. hes also cute when hes laughing. pushing gordons buttons has a 50/50 chance of either of these things. and this is how he ultimately flirts with gordon: by pulling his pigtails.

but at the same time, benrey does legit care about gordon and knows some boundaries. benreys the one most often shooting at enemies to protect gordon, and he spent most of the last act trying to convince gordon to turn around and not fight him because they were friends (best friends, to be specific). he just lacks a lot of the emotional intelligence it would take to express the feeling of “he digs gordon and likes seeing his face get all red and sweaty regardless of the cause”. and gordon lacks the emotional intelligence it would take to express the fact that he doesnt know if he likes or hates benrey and hes scared as hell that its the former

because, lets be real. unironic benrey-liking is a sign of problems disorder. just look at all these words ive written about it.

can you imagine? this bizarrely powerful, non-human entity that can shrug off gunfire and grow to the size of a building has decided that youre his new plaything. benreys the bored guy booting up skyrim and fucking around in the console, and gordons the hapless favorite follower that hes taken a liking to. its a really fun dynamic IMO

after all this, its safe to say my title is a little misleading. the asterisk stands for * and So Is Benrey, Actually. they are both kind of awful dudes who thrive off of teasing each other and they deserve each other. and i am crazy about it. thank u for coming to my TED talk

#asky #careposting

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silencecunt · 4 years

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Kankri is not a good person, nor is he a bad person. In my view, he is a wildly misunderstood character--both by the people who love him and the people who hate him. Both sides like to take only parts of his character and ignore the others that don't align with their perception of him. There is no harm in that, per say, but it does an incredible disservice to him as a character.

The Alpha trolls are, generally speaking, two-dimensional. They are caricatures of certain online groups meant to satirize those aforementioned groups. In Kankri's case, it's the SJWs of tumblr. At the time of Kankri's conception, social justice on tumblr was notorious for being outrageously PC and, hypocritically, malicious. People were threatened and "cancelled" over the stupidest of things. Naturally, this trend still exists and has spread from tumblr; however, it is not to the degree that it once was as those SJWs have now matured and created a healthier space (for the most part).

Kankri is a representation of the worst parts of those people--he is overly concerned with saying the "right" thing at all times, ignoring that words don't matter if your actions don't reflect them. Quite literally, Kankri is all talk. He lectures anyone he can about their "triggering" behavior while turning around and engaging in that same behavior when it suits him.

Therein lies the Mituna problem. Kankri is overly considerate of Latula's lack of sense of smell, Cronus's humankin, Horuss's belief he is two-spirit, etc. even when those (such as the case with Latula) don't actually care all that much. He does this because it's what he cares about and that's all that matters to him. But he doesn't care about Mituna. My interpretation is because he is jealous of him. Kankri is flushed for Latula, who is Mituna's matesprite, but Kankri doesn't think Mituna deserves to be in a relationship with Latula likely due to his cerebral trauma. A trauma he acquired after destroying himself in an ultimately futile attempt to save his friends, which is another reason Kankri is jealous of him. Much like Karkat, Kankri served as the leader of the group. Despite this, he was unable to rally the troops together due to his more passive approach in juxtaposition to Karkat's abrasive leadership style and general nature. Seeing Mituna act so boldly, doing something Kankri was unable to, was a hit to his ego. Already people don't like him and here Mituna was, making him look like even more of a useless asshole.

So, Kankri resents him. He doesn't want to care about Mituna, so he doesn't. Anger, bitterness, jealousy, whatever the case may be, he does not respect Mituna. Regardless, Kankri is Kankri. The way he speaks to him, insulting him and his entire existence, is phrased in such a manner that pins Mituna's disability as a flaw that he needs to work on. So much so, Mituna is obligated to apologize. Now, Mituna is not an innocent infantile thing that does nothing wrong and isn't a jackass himself because all trolls are jackasses. He is crude and can be inconsiderate of others. Regardless, Kankri does not approach the matter in a constructive way, seemingly almost glossing over those fair criticisms in favor of low blows.

This is something that is fundamental to Kankri's character. There are plenty of things he is right about, however he handles it in such a way that it only comes across as pretentious swill that no one wants to listen to. Alternatively, he overlooks those valid points to unjustly attack another's character. But, that doesn't mean he is always wrong.

Kankri, at his core, cares deeply and passionately. Whether or not you agree with what he concerns himself with doesn't matter because he will continue to feel the way he does with everything he has. His passion is palpable. The most notorious of which is the Beforian hemospectrum.

Under pre-scratch Feferi, culling doesn't mean killing. Rather, lowbloods are seen as incapable of taking care of themselves, so highbloods are responsible for them. Kind of like a pet. While not being killed is nice, being treated as a second--maybe even third-class citizen is still oppression. Kankri sees this and resents how their society functions. He doesn't want to be coddled and treated like he is inept because he isn't. Subscribing to how society wants him to behave would be a fate worse than death. If he cannot be independent and think for himself, doing what he thinks is best without the concern of others looming over him at every step he takes, he would rather die. These are the beliefs he held even as the Signless, although with different context. Thus, his motivation for his personal boundaries. When Porrim tells him he has grubsauce on his face and tries to clean it himself, he flips out. Porrim is high enough on the spectrum to be considered able to take care of him, and Kankri does not want any part of it. The mere thought is mortifying to him. Being touched is something that is (actually) triggering to him. He doesn't want pity, he wants respect. Even if his friends hate him and think he's annoying, at least he's being himself.

When Porrim wishes to discuss issues regarding women, Kankri doesnt want to hear it. Here is where many call him misogynistic, but I implore you to consider not applying human society onto the trolls because it doesn't make sense. Trolls are a matriarchal society, what with the empress being in total control. And, so far as we know, it has always been an empress. We don't know just how much gender affects things considering the hemospectrum plays such a large role in how everyone falls in society. My interpretation is that gender is nowhere near as big of a deal as it is with humans. Even if it were, between fusciabloods being primarily female and rulers, and jadebloods also primarily female and nurturing the Mothergrub (aka how all trolls are born), I don't feel it's too far a stretch to say that the women of trollian society are not oppressed. I don't believe the men are oppressed either because I feel that gender isn't much of a consideration for trolls, but that is just my interpretation.

That being said, Porrim expresses her concern that their matriarchal society was a false one operating under Lord English, ergo making it patriarchal in nature. Kankri does not share that view, feeling that it's a non-starter. In his view, Lord English's actions truly had no effect in that regard. Why would a time traveling demon set on destroying everything worry about frivolous details such as ensuring women are beaten down? In Kankri's eyes, it's stupid to assume he would even bother.

Regarding Kankri's celibacy, it's another example of Kankri merely trying to keep his chin high in the air and feel as if he is better than everyone else. His intellect is too high to concern himself with the oppressive nature the quadrants come with. It seems too much like another means to be controlled. However, his commitment to it is...questionable. Porrim and him are essentially moirails in everything but the name due to Kankri's pride. Not to mention, his flushcrush on Latula. If he were truly committed to his Vow, he would not pursue this crush as much as he does. All Latula has to do is say the word and Kankri would drop his celibacy like a hot potato. Again, another example of how he is willing to say the "right" things, but his actions do not reflect that. This hypocrisy is one of Kankri's defining traits. He simply cannot put his money where his mouth is despite the mountain of effort he puts into convincing everyone how serious he is.

As someone who admires social justice, he doesn't care for the Signless. His official reasoning is in regards to a difference in approach. While the Signless's rebellion reflects the violent society of Alternia, Kankri expresses how he feels a more peaceful method would have been better, a reflection of the peaceful society he was raised in. He feels that words hold more power than violence, something those baser than him resort to.

Perhaps this is due to the tenderness I hold for him, but I think the reasoning runs deeper than that. All of his friends liked hearing about the Signless, Aranea in particular. So much so that she wears his symbol around her neck. This is something that clearly bothers Kankri, but is it really just over a difference in opinions? At the end of the day, the Signless is Kankri. My theory is because everyone likes his post-scratch self better than they like him. The people who he considers his friends, who he trusts to return when they leave mid-sermon, who he tried to lead and protect can't stand him, referring to him as the Insufferable. Wouldn't that hurt you, too? He knows he's long-winded, he knows he preachy, he knows people find him irritating, he knows. Naturally, Kankri doesn't let it show, but he wants his friends to like him. The only person who (kind of) listens to him and actually treats him with respect is the crowned worst character of homestuck, Cronus. It affects him to hear how much others admire the deeds of someone who is him when, in truth, he is not really that person.

Many of the core traits in Karkat exist in Kankri. They are both drawn to leadership, drawn to helping their friends, short-tempered, and emotional. Kankri says a multitude of harsh things, things that are much crueler than the what Karkat says, and it's important to acknowledge Kankri's cruelty. That doesn't detract from the fact that Kankri does care for others, even if his feelings towards them are less than pleasant, because that's who the Vantases are. They are deeply flawed and oftentimes foul-mouthed people, and yet, at the end of the day, they still care fiercely. Kankri is not some disinterested, detached critic. He is just as much a part of the group as the others and he wants what is best for them. If he didn't care, he wouldn't bother lecturing. No matter how annoying and egocentric you are, no one likes to waste their time.

At the end of the day, Kankri is not a perfect person. Far from it. But he's endearing and he's relatable and he's flawed. None of the trolls are good people. They are all assholes who say fucked up things. They use the r-slur, they make fun of Tavros for his wheelchair, Meenah is elated that her post-scratch self commits genocide on the regular, Vriska. Just Vriska. A lot of the hate I see regarding Kankri reduces him to a soulless monster who's only goal is to insult and talk down to everyone in his way. A lot of the admiration I see boils him down to an uwu sweet innocent blushy baby when that is the furthest thing from the truth. He's a snarky bastard who gives a fuck about his friends, even if they spit in his face because he spits right back. Please respect his depth, even if you interpret things differently from how I did. He is not as flat as many make him out to be. No one in homestuck is.

#homestuck #kankri vantas #i just.....love him so much #he makes me lose my mind #i am in no way saying this is the definitive interpretation of him #just how i view him #but i am a genius and perfect and always 100% right so :/#take that as u will

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miscellanasaurus · 5 years

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MHA 235

Again sorry for the late updates and to anyone who follows me because of my random and often spontaneous Vrains reviews i am working on my review but at the same time life seems to be getting in the way so sorry about that but never mind that onto the yugioh vrains review.

We open up with Re-destro clarifying how shigaraki decayed his attack in the3 official translation which should appease the padantic ass hats over on reddit as well telling us how re-destro`s been perfecting this technique since his childhood days which is something i hope horikoshi delve`s into wheather or not his family indoctrinated the beliefs of the MLA into Re-destro in much the same way AFO indoctrinated shigaraki or if he choose these beliefs of his own volition and his family disaproved or hell maybe they supported the beliefs too in short i want some backstory on RE-destro...also small detail but those heart palpatations shown in the second panel “Badump” “Badump” is most likely the downside to his stress based quirk and considering stress is one of the major causes of heart attacks i wouldnt be suprised if Re-Destro died or was significantly weakened because of this.

We also get a beutifull worded panal from horikoshi that really shows the extent of shigaraki`s drive for destruction also i love the pure malice in the face i and how its completly different from any of his other expressions and in this case the lack of detail really adds to the tension.

This panal also has me worried as from the beginning i was under the impression that this villain arc would develop shigaraki`s goal into his own ideology but considering that this was the prime oppurtunity i`m starting to have my doubts and though it wont bother me if shigaraki`s goal remains as pure chaotic destruction i have to wonder how that will effect the story as a whole all i know is that there has to be a skybeam if superhero movies have taught me anything its that theres always got to be a gigantic skybeam.

howvever again the official translation has it as “all i can do is destroy” making this even more tragic for shigaraki and i really just wanna give hima hug while he goes down this unhealthy self destructive path

We flashback to shigaraki`s past and as many people seem to have theorized it Shigaraki did indeed want to be a hero when he was a child also its hard not to notice the resemblance to little deku horikoshi`s kinda laying it on a bit thick but it doesnt matter that much to me

what i also like is that horikoshi doesnt portray it as black and white you can understand the complexitie behind his father and how in his own way he`s trying to protect him by cutting his dreams of being a hero short, does that make what he did right? of course not its still borderline abuse, though not physical that comes later. as well as being selfish and narrow minded but i can still appreciate the complexitie behind the father also noticibly Tenko`s absent from any scenes that portray his family in a less ..well there`s no other word for it, dickish fashion .

There`s something heartbreaking about shigaraki being compared to all might especially considering how much he detestes him also this is the second time its mentioned tenko didnt have a quirk yet now if they went to test him or not thats unknown however i have mixed feelings about the idea of afo giving shigaraki the quirk asi`m not particularly fond of backstorys of people being forced into villlainy by manipulating the chessboard in such a fashion so far its tolerable as it seems tomura was going to grow into a vilain without AFO`s guidence though thats not the theme of him as a character, and its afo who simply gave him the ability to become a powerfull villain though no matter what direction horioshi takes the story in i`m sure he has a plan for how his story will progress.

*Small note its nice how as a child shigaraki took the people no one wanted and played with thim rather similier to the Leugue

We also get the full details behind the office scene from chapter 227 and i`l raise my hands and say i did kinda blunder by suggesting that Hanna did actually want to become a house wife that was a mixture of weird scans and no energy. the idea of a hero sibling team with little tenko is adorable and i kinda wish we knew what the shimura quirk is it`l either be revealed in this arc by flashback or ,hopefully not, shigaraki gaining said quirk that or we have to wait for deku to unlock it.

Honestly these few panals are heartbreaking and though i enjoy the creative narrative that reminds me of earlier 80`s comics the way this scene plays out is utterly gripping this is the first time child abuse has been directly shown in this manga neither immplied or kept just out of frame its direct and raw.

Its heartbreaking to watch tenko endure this whilst everyone else looks on helplessly and it certainly adds some more nuance to deku and shigaraki`s little mall encounter and how his family is honestly a reflection of both hero sociaty as people just look on not bothering to do anything and is a genuine sociatal problem in japan as a whole if you want to considere this political commentary you can though i doubt horikoshis making this manga for that one purpose and its unlikely thats his purogative .

Honestly despite only being prominent in one chapter i already enjoy shigaraki`s dad as a character the conflict of emotions as no matter how you look at it nana chose her career over her child at whilst that might be for the better good, whole lot of it it did to, you can still understand the resentment he holds for her in a sense he`s Kota without a deku unable to let go of his resentment for being left behind

he even admits what he did was wrong and i feel this sums up shigaraki`s life best the fact taht it wasnt a tragedy from beginning to end much like Dabi`s presumably is it started off bleak and then escalated to a full on nightmare as we end on this disturbing panal of shigaraki anjd his poor corgi

all in all i enjoyed this chapter though to be honest i`d of preferred it if shigaraki could recall his backstory from the start of the seriese and have it leading up to this moment with a bunch of flashbacks scattered throughout as it adds such a complexity to him as a character but other wise i enjoyed it

#manga #bnha manga #mha manga #bnha #mha #bnha 235 #mha 235 #league of villains #shigaraki tomura #tomura shigaraki #tenko shimura #shimura tenko #shigaraki backstory #mha analysis #mha theory #re-destro

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fuckblizzardbearlover · 5 years

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people like to act like Thrall deliberately put the Horde in the hands of a mad king, looking at the events of cataclysm and pandaria with 20/20 hindsight. completely ignoreing the context of the situation. So for those who dont know, this is how it went, From “The Shattering”. It addresses: Why he didnt choose Cairne, why he had to pick an Orc, Why it was Garrosh, Why it wouldnt fail, why it might go badly, why that doesnt matter when the world is at risk, and the thing Thrall is hated most for, the horrible, ‘evil’ action of having faith in someone becoming a better person.

Yes Thrall bears the RESPONSIBILITY of giving power to Garrosh but he is NOT responsible for Garrosh’s actions, Garrosh is. And Jaina does have every right to hold him accountable, because he DID make this decision having faith that things would be ok, but realizing that even if he was WRONG about Garrosh that the war that would ensue would mean a loss of life far greater than...the entire planet being destroyed. So yes, Thrall did put the lives of billions over the lives of thousands, and the people who died have every right to resent him for it. But frankly the responsibility of warchief should never been forced upon such a young and broken man.

“He closed his eyes for a moment. handing over control of the Horde that he had founded was like entrusting the care of a loved child to another. What if something went wrong?

But something WAS going wrong. terribly wrong. Another would have to lead the Horde for a time. He nodded his head once, firmly , and felt his soul and heart settle somewhat. Yes, this was the right thing do do. There was no longer a question of if he should go, or even when-as soon as possible. The only question that remained was to whom would he surrender care of this loved ‘child”

HIs first thought was Cairne. His oldest friend here in Kalimdor, Cairne and he thought alike on many things. He was wise and ruled his people well. But Thrall, like Cairne himself, knew there were those who thought him old fashioned and out of touch with what was needed. If there was slight unrest in the form of the Grimtotem in Cairne’s own city, then there would surely be unrest and murmuring if Thrall appointed an elderly tauren to lead the Horde now.

No, Cairne would definitely have a part to play, but it could not be as the role of leader. An orc would be better. One the people knew and liked already.

Thrall sighed deeply. The perfect choice was one he could not have-Saufang the Younger. Youthful, charismatic, and yet wise beyond his years, he had been the brightest star in the sky of Horde warriors before the Lich King had slain him. His father, though not quite broken, had been emotionally devastated by the recent events. Too, the orc was to old, as was Cairne, as was the deeply trusted Eitrigg. Thrall realized that there could only be one choice, and he made a sour expression.

There was only one who could do it. Only one who was young and vibrant, who was well known and loved, who was a warrior without equal. Only one who could on such short notice bring the disparate factions of the Horde together and keep their spirits high and proud.

A perfect Figurehead.

Thrall’s glower deepened. Yes, Garrosh was loved and a fine fighter, but he was also rash and impulsive. Thrall was about to deliver him the ultimate power. A word floated to his mind, “usurper”, but he did not truly believe such a thing would happen. Garrosh needed something to placate an ego as mammoth as his legend-an ego that Thrall now realized he might have unwittingly helped to inflate. He had been concerned when he learned that Garrosh despised his father, and had wanted to show the son of Gromm that Hellscream had done great good. But perhaps he might have made Grom look better than he was. If so , then the younger Hellscream’s arrogance might be, at least in part, due to Thrall himself. He had not been able to save Grom’s life; he had hoped to inspire and guide his son.

Still, Eitrigg would be there to temper Garrosh, as would Cairne, if Thrall asked it of his old friends. Thrall would not be gone long. Let Garrosh sit in his place temporarily in Grommash Hold, with Cairne and Eitrigg on either side. If the rumors were true, Garrosh had already tipped his hand with the ashenvale incident, and Thrall knew Cairne would sit on the orc before he’d let anything like that get by him, now that he knew to be watchful of it. There wouldnt be a lot that Garrosh could do, really, to harm the Horde and--thrall had to admit--there was much Garrosh COULD do to inspire it.

Their leader would be gone. They would be worried and afraid. Garrosh would remind them that they were proud and fierce and unconquerable, and the Horde would cheer and be content until Thrall returned with the real answers to the problems that besieged them. Calm the land, and all would have a chance to become better. Ignore the land, the elements, and no glorious victory in battle could ever make up for the disasters that would inevitably follow

Yes thrall made a mistake..because he isnt magic, cant see the future and , god forbid, had faith in someone. by the end of cataclysm Garrosh had already gone to far and couldnt simply ‘come back’ without political strife. He chose to have faith that while there would be political unrest and even war that it was inevitable. One of the primary themes around this is the fact that Thrall has been aware, in each book he’s in , that he is an outsider. raised by humans he doesnt have the mindset of his people. the reason the orcs loved Garrosh so much was because he pushed imperialist ideas like they loved. In this book he even tells jaina that his people are prone to violence and that when desperation comes they are more than willing to do so. As a child slave and someone who didnt grow up with parents he started to think that maybe it was wrong to try to force his ideas, those of an unorcish orc, on his orc people. Maybe it was wrong to just...let them be as savage as they want. but to be frank, i disagree. its unfair to ask one man to bear the burden of the violence and prejudice of millions of people. if the Horde, between the imperialist orcs, the prejudiced and haughty elves , and the plotting forsaken (or rather, sylvanas’s cult), if they Want so desperately to be free of Thrall, then he should give them what they want.

#worldofwarcraft #thrall #warcraft #battle for azeroth #sylvanas #lor'themar #jaina #garrosh #starcraft #hearthstone #pandaria #orc

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draw-you-coward · 4 years

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ngl as a possibly sex-favourable ace who's been reading your Roza series, you've got sex-favourable down to a t! It honestly made me feel so overjoyed and warm when I read Roza's exploration and everything - it sounded near exactly like how I felt! So you're doing great! I dunno if it helps any, but I've seen a post going round that describes it as if sex/sexual attraction is food, and you're hungry (have a libido/sex favourable) - but none of the food looks appetizing (1/2)

So, while nothing looks appetizing, and if you wait, the feeling of being hungry will go away, but you might spot a doughnut or something and think “well, it’ll stop me being hungry” - ngl I am explaining this poorly but tbh I’m ace and even I’m like ‘how tf does this work’ (2/2)

ahhh thank you that does help a bit!! i’ve been doing so much searching lately and no one really knows the answers to a lot of my very specific questions ghsdkjfh but i’m slowly getting there

and thank u for saying that abt roza it’s super reassuring!! progress has been a bit slow on what im writing currently because im unsure how much i should put in the fic itself. slowly figuring that out too tho!

(extra niggling worry infodump here: i am a bit concerned over the idea of fetishizing him in any way both as a mlm and an asexual, bc i def dont want to do that. but i also feel like aces are v much under/misrepresented in writing, sex-favourable aces especially (saying this as someone who is not sex-favourable). i think he’s aware of and comfortable with the way he expresses himself, and he’s aware of how he comes across. also i haven’t looked at what the General Consensus opinion on this is yet so forgive me if it’s not in line with it, but i really do think the whole idea of resenting someone for being a “tease”, even if they are exhibiting sexually-directed behaviour (heavy flirting, body language, suggestive comments, etc) is really just going to be detrimental to all parties involved in the end. i dont think being ace means that behaviour should or would never be exhibited! he’s just having fun and expressing himself. it’s like flirting in any situation - if i smile at the girl behind the cashier bc shes giggling at me, it doesnt mean i want to date her, or she wants to date me, u know? anyways that’s it loll)

#anon #ask #also an interesting thing to consider is that he absolutely does NOT flirt with ANYONE else ever #like at all ever in his entire life #lmaoo u obvious bastard #sorry for bringing u into this cashier girl i will always remember u #also diana if you're reading th #nvm i'll stop i'll stop

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missjackil · 7 years

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Sam and Mary

There’s already so much meta floating around about the relationship between Sam and his mother, but my opinion seems to deviate from the norm, which is typical of me, but hey, thats okay :) I was happy to see in 13x4 Sam finally emoting what he’s been feeling. I know he believes their mom is alive, but I know he can’t be sure, so he must have feeings about that too right? What surprised me however, is that he feels like Dean had a relationship with her, and he didn’t. There’s no doubt that Dean has had more time with her and there was a familiar bond with them right away, and that’s something Sam wont ever have. He was just a baby when Mom died, so he never had the crust cut off his PB&J, never got pushed on a swing, never had a skinned knee kissed... by his mother anyway, and even the time he saw her ghost in Home and had time with her and John in The Song Remains the Same, her memory was scrubbed and she has no recollection, so it may as well be erased from his memory too. So does Sam have a relationship with his mother? Yes, he does. And I may venture to say that even though I wont say it’s great, or healthy, between either brother, I do feel that it’s better and healthier than it is with Dean.

Unlike many fans, I was very intrigued by the mama drama of S12. I love to hash through relatable, personal problems. I have a relationship with my 2 daughters, one I didn’t get to know till she was 27, and a 25 yr old Ive raised alone since birth, the relationships are completely different, but both are valid, so I really got into this storyline on the show and hope to see more of it. As we know, in this episode, Sam went off on Dean and told him what hes feeling, and why its so hard for him to deal with it, but he said “At least you had a relationship with her!” So it makes me wonder why he thinks he didn;t, or if he just wishes it was the same as Dean’s. However, I saw that even though he knows she started everything by making a deal with Azazel, when Sam kissed her tomb stone in 11x23 he showed he already forgave her for it. She didnt know Azazel would come for him, or what trauma would stem from it, and he’s been in situations like that a few times in his life, when he thought he was doing the right thing, but it ended up he didnt, and shit hit the fan. Though that doesn’t mean he isnt harboring some resentment. That would be expected, but he’s never shown it. What I saw between Sam and Mary was that he was very soft and kind to her, and she had no trouble being affectionate to him. That hug at the end of 12x2 was nothing short of beautiful. Sam being tearfilled and compassionate, understanding how misplaced she felt, but giving a rare emotional POV and telling her having her there, filled in the biggest blank. She was grateful for that, and didnt hesitate to hug his neck. Sam’s face spoke 1,000 words as he realized it was the first hug he ever had from her... that he could remember anyway. Now a lot of you have said Mary was affraid of him, or didnt give him the time of day, but thats not true. One doesnt throw their arms around someone theyre scared of, and she was never that estranged from Sam that she wouldnt give him the time of day. She did seem to walk on eggshells around him sometimes, but I think that was from guilt and the fear that deep down, he cant forgive her. But she loved him, this was obvious to me, because she didnt act like a person who hurt a stranger, she acted like a mother guilty of hurting her son. This was probably why she was more affectionate to him, than to Dean. She was the first person to ever tell Sam they love him, It was established early in S12 that Mary was worried about how Sam would recieve her. I have a head canon that after Mary asked Dean “How can I even face him?” That Dean said something like this : “Mom, Sam is the kindest, most compassionate person you’ll ever meet. His heart is so big, he’s even nice to monsters. Even after he learned what went down, he never spoke an ill word about you. Don’t worry about Sam.” Im sure something was said anyway, because she seemed more at ease around him than Id expect. Now, going through the season, the relationships all changed. I feel like by the time we got to Stuck In The Middle With You, the novelty had worn off. The boys were acting more like themselves around Mary. Dean was goofing off at the diner, and Sam was complaining about the internet connection, and Mary played the mom card “screens down, eyes up... shut up!” But this was also an episode that showed “something” happening between mom and Sam. Im not sure exactly what it was, maybe frustration, or maybe they’re just to the point of being real. They kind of snapped at each other, Mary asked Sam “Since when is life about getting what you want?” and later Sam sniped “Mom, what the hell have you gotten us into?” But I also want to note that she went to Sam, immediately, to tell him the demon had yellow eyes. She didn’t keep it to herself, or go to Dean. She went to Sam first. Why was this I wonder? I may never get the answer to that, but what it tells me is that she wasn’t afraid to apporach Sam with tough subjects. There were also a lot of little things I noticed between Sam and Mary, that would tell me they had something relatively solid even after the betrayal. No saying ideal, or healthy, or even close, but solid. She was closer to Dean, they have more in common and she knows his temper and mannerisms, Sam was all new to her, but she loved and trusted him. In Who We Are, one of my all time favorite scenes, when Mary asks Dean “And Sam? Im scared. What if he cant forgive me?” and Sam walks in “Mom, you dont have to be scared of me” makes me cry still after watching it 30 times. However, I dont think she’s scared OF Sam, she knows hes not gonna beat her or anything like that, but she’s affraid that he cant forgive everything, and maybe he’ll push her away, or not love her, but Sam tells her she doesnt have to worry about that. He may at some point reach a boiling point, and I do really think he should open up about the past and what hes been through. He could lash out, but it wouldnt be ooc for him to just speak softly either. And so this brings me back to the original question. Why does Sam think he didn’t/doesn’t have a relationship with Mary? Is it because its not like Dean’s? Is it because she’s never been a Mother to him growing up? That they’re more like peers than Mother/Son? Or is Sam feeling insecure with her the way he sometimes does with Dean? Where it seems like he needs to be reminded that Dean loves him for him, and not out of family obligation. It’s true, even after everything the brothers have been through, everything Dean has done for Sam, sometimes Sam doesnt fully believe Dean loves him, and would be better off without him. On a good day I know Sam knows Dean loves him more than anything, and Im sure on a good day he knows his mother loves him, but Sam hasnt had many good days as of late, so I wouldnt be surprised if this is where his head is at. Whatever Sam is feeling, it’s valid, he feels it, and if hes wrong or misinterpreting something, I hope he has a chance to express it and work through it. This season has been great so far with showing us things about the brothers we may have suspected, but didnt know for sure. I hope it continues!

#sam and mary #my meta #my opinion

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uncannycookie · 7 years

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If you ever do more side oneshots from Teru's perspective for your fics I promise to read and love them to death. (Yes, the friendly water providing drunks can also be included.)

Yay I finished one prompt! Out of, like, ten. Bear with me, I’m working through something here.

Also I promise this is the last time I write about Teru’s shopping adventures, this is way too repetitive, it’s just the first thing that popped into my head and, just, this is how this boy copes in my mind

AO3 link in case the Read More isn’t working again for some reason.

Holding On (With Broken Grip)

“Of course I’m busy,” Teru drawls into the phone awkwardly held between his ear and shoulder. “It’s a Saturday, I have like - three party invitations for today.”

It’s only one actually, and he’s definitely not going, but of course that’s not something he needs to advertise right now. Juro is a friend from school and a total ass, he’ll ridicule him in front of everyone for staying in on a weekend even once.

“Anyway, why, what do you have planned?” The phone is slipping away slowly and his neck is starting to cramp a bit from the position.

How do people in movies make that look so easy? Should have put it on speaker phone. He supposes he could still do that, but he already got too much blood on the white casing just picking it up, he doesn’t want to fumble around with it more than necessary.

Where does he keep his fucking bandages? He knows he has some, somewhere.

“Mizuki nicked some beer from her parents and Eiji is bringing something too,” Juro is telling him over the phone while Teru tries his best to open the bathroom cabinets using only the heels of his hands. “We’re meeting at Eiji’s place and going wherever later, I guess.”

“Oh, wherever? Sounds riveting,” Teru yawns. Which is not even a big act to be honest. It’s a real yawn and he just has to adjust it a tiny bit to make it sound appropriately condescending.

The phone barely survives the act, dislodged from its place by his jaw, and he distorts his shoulders and neck even more to catch it in time.

“What the hell are you doing over there?” Juro asks predictably, finally reacting to the loud shuffling sounds he must be picking up on his end, as well as the banging of the cabinet doors that repeatedly slip out of Teru’s grasp.

“Getting ready of course, what do you think.”

For a second, Teru considers using his hands to open the rebellious doors after all, but he quickly drops that thought again. The cuts on his left hand are superficial, barely even bleeding anymore by this point, but a lot of glass splinters are stuck near the fingertips and he doesnt want to risk pushing them in even further. Meanwhile his right hand already feels too swollen to even move and is turning blue around the scraped knuckles.

He hopes the fridge survived that punch more unscathed than he himself did. Teru didn’t like the sound it made.

“You can’t call me on a Saturday evening and expect me not to be on the go, idiot,” he continues. “Whatever, thanks for the invite but I’ll be elsewhere. Take pictures though.”

“Dude, you’re always elsewhere lately,” Juro protests, more annoyed than disappointed. “What, found cooler friends?”

That stings for a second, and Teru can’t really tell why.

Except, maybe, the word friend made him think of Shigeo and that’s by far the worst thought for him to have today. His fridge can attest to that.

“You say that as if it would be hard,” he snaps. “At least elsewhere no one is whining at me like a ten year old. Was there anything else or are you going to stop pestering me now?”

“Nice party mood,” Juro drawls. “I don’t care man, do what you want.” He turns away from the phone and just before he hangs up, Teru can hear him addressing someone in the background with a “Nah, told you, nerd is staying in again.”

The phone finally slips out from underneath his ear and tumbles to the ground. It takes all of Teru’s willpower not to kick it away over the tiled floor.

At least now he can use his elbows to open the cabinet and keep it open long enough to actually look at the contents. The success is short lived, because apparently that’s not where he keeps his bandages after all. Teru somehow manages to slam the cabinet shut again and judging from the clattering sounds from inside, it only knocked over about half of his things.

If he really tries, he can actually bend the fingers of his right hand. It hurts like hell, but technically he can use that hand.

He’d declare that more than enough, if it wasn’t for the splinters in his left. There had simply been no time at work to look for a dustpan and brush. It had been the end of his shift already and he’d had a train to catch and he’d been tired and hadn’t been thinking and quickly picking up a whole tray of broken glass with his fingers had seemed like a good idea at the time.

From the kitchen, there is a tired mechanical whir and a small spluttering sound.

It’s probably safe to say that the fridge is not going to be in top form again anytime soon.

Might as well head to the store now to get some band-aids and a few groceries that’ll keep at room temperature.

Instant coffee is disgusting. Teru despises the stuff, but it’s the only coffee they have here and he’s at the point where looking at the prices for the actual coffee beans in an actual supermarket makes him scoff out loud.

He gets two large boxes of instant coffee. Some toast and instant ramen. Lots of instant stuff in general. Not too long ago the contents of his basket would have made him cry. Now it’s mostly just the pain in his hands that’s making his eyes water a bit with every movement, but he’s clenching his jaw and grinding his teeth and bravely ignoring it.

“Do you have tweezers?” He asks the cashier, because his own that he uses for his eyebrows aren’t fine enough to pick tiny glass splinters out of his fingers. Past the two customer he’s ringing up right now, the cashier points towards a small shelf near the front.

“I’m not talking about the movie,” one of the customers currently paying for a six-pack of beer is saying while Teru picks out the finest tweezers he can find and steps up to the counter. “I’m talking about the book! Because yes, there is a book. And guess what, there’s not a single robot uprising happening in there.”

Teru can’t see the young adult’s face past his enormous mop of curly hair, but he seems livid when he slams a hand on the counter and points at the clerk with the other. “The robots are completely and utterly trustworthy! It’s right there in the first law of robotics: Don’t harm human beings. Meaning they are actually literally unable to! And the ‘loophole’ the movie used to get around it - 'humans always hurt themselves so we have to overthrow them to protect them’ ‒ blah blah, bullshit! That’s not a loophole, it’s just a paradox. To protect humans they have to harm humans but they can’t harm humans because they have to protect humans. The supercomputer couldn’t have gotten to any decision there, it simply would’ve shut itself down!”

The clerk really doesn’t look as if he ever asked for any of this. He just stands quietly, holding out a handful of change that continues to be ignored, and watches the guy ramble with an empty expression.

He is freed when the small woman with the sidecut next to the chatty guy grabs both the change and the guy’s collar, says “I apologize for his opinions,” and pulls him with her towards the exit, just at the same moment that Teru shoves his basket on the counter. “Get the Hello Kitty band-aids,” she says over her shoulder, and it takes Teru an embarrassingly long second to realize she’s talking to him. “They hold better and look rad.”

Even through his confusion, Teru manages to quickly recover, grab said band-aids from inside his basket and wave them in her direction. “Way ahead of you,” he says, just barely making it sound sufficiently bored to cover up his surprise at being spoken to in this moment.

“Neato,” she nods at him, right before the doors slide shut behind her.

When Teru steps back outside, two plastic bags dangling from the crook of his arm, she and her opinionated friend are long gone.

His right hand is starting to look very dark around the knuckles. He bends the fingers as far as he can, at this point just to prove to himself that he can, and sucks in air through his teeth at the pain.

It feels as though he wants to be angry. As angry as he was when he stopped thinking entirely and punched that stupid fridge. He can’t even remember what set him off. There has just been that feeling at the back of his throat all day, something that tints every thought a deep, painful color and makes it hard to swallow. Every tiny thing has been pissing him off today and he doesn’t know what to do about it.

He walks home and thinks of how he can’t go out tonight, he has to work tomorrow and he’s way too tired anyways and it’s not even as if he wants to go out.

None of that changes how he’s nonsensically resenting Juro and the others for having fun without him.

Or resenting the empty apartment he’s returning to right now, the one that he hasn’t had the time to clean up properly in days and that is housing a broken fridge now, which is entirely his own fault but he still wants to punch someone else for it.

(Resenting, maybe, the lost thought in his mind that he would like to invite someone over. Not for a party, but just for something calm and easy, something that doesn’t feel quite as ‒ cold ‒ as spending the evening alone in silence and going to sleep early out of exhaustion.)

The keys hurt his fingers when he takes them out of his pocket.

And the first thing that greets him after pushing open the door to the stairwell, in the form of just a small blur rushing down the stairs to the courtyard, is a cat.

Teru stops. Tilts his head back and slowly cracks his neck with a long sigh.

This is not fair. Those cats don’t even belong to anyone in the house. They shouldn’t be here. They don’t have the right to make him feel worried all of a sudden because Shigeo will be upset and Teru is grinding his teeth again because why should he even care, it’s not like Shigeo will be coming over anytime soon!

The door is slowly falling shut behind him and he’s still standing frozen, glaring down the staircase towards the basement and the courtyard entry.

He is, only now, beginning to think that he might need someone else here to help him with removing the splinters. Since his other hand isn’t working perfectly either. So. He should probably actually invite someone.

Maybe he can say that they weren’t fighting in the first place. That it was all just a misunderstanding, that he’s just been busy and that’s why they haven’t been in contact at all since Teru declined meeting for a study session. Shigeo would probably buy that. Nobody would even have to awkwardly apologize that way. They could just. Go back to normal.

Only Teru isn’t sure he could. He tries to imagine having to smile and laugh right now and it actually hurts his face.

Well. Shigeo would probably even come over and help him with his hand if Teru didn’t lie to him about having a fight. If Teru just let him fix his hand and then asked him to leave ‒ Shigeo would. Wouldn’t he.

This train of thought actually doesn’t change anything about the pain in his face. Only it also makes him feel like throwing up. He hasn’t even eaten enough today to actually do that.

It’s not like he’s actually going to call him, who is he kidding, he can’t just call and ask for help when he’s perfectly capable of taking care of everything himself, he’s just ‒

‒ just overreacting.

The phone stays in his pocket.

That he still goes down the stairs to see how many cats there are, maybe figure out where they’re coming from and how to get rid of them, has absolutely nothing to do with Shigeo. Teru scatters instant coffee around the courtyard because he’s heard that coffee grounds are a cat repellent and maybe the instant stuff works too. He bought two boxes, he doesn’t need that much anyway.

The cats are loud at night and he needs to sleep. That’s the only reason he cares.

(It takes way too long to remove the splinters from his hand. His phone buzzes all evening as Juro keeps sending him pictures from their outing. Teru pours rubbing alcohol over his hands, wraps them up in Hello Kitty band-aids and goes to sleep at around two in the morning.

The moment he finally turns off the lights, the first wailing cat scream of the night makes itself heard from the courtyard.)

#mp100 #fanfiction #ANLG #oneshot #writing prompts #this is too simialr to In Liminal Space and I'm sorry #I'm not creative at the moment but I'm -trying-#*siiigh*#maybe the next one will be better #Anonymous

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ferriskilldeer · 4 years

Text

from this ask meme

why did they choose their class(es)? their subclass(es)? it was mostly an accident on his part. i wanted a fun weapon, on my part

before they met their party, what was their main goal? avoid being charged for murder, possibly get out of whatever deal with a devil he just made

what is their goal right now? protect ireena and kids, mostly

if they could learn one spell that isn’t available to them at present, which spell would it be? probably wish

do they follow a higher power? what are their thoughts on divinity? he’s not too sure what his patron is–couldnt really call them a higher power. doesnt believe too much in the goodness/activeness of divinity, but does read a lot

which party member do they relate to the most? marceline in that he too is exasperated and horrified by barovia. ismark in that he too has built most of his identity around a duty to someone else. ireena is the most like him in personality–she’s pretty mild and caring.

which party member do they understand the least? marceline

what are three songs that suit them? “viego, the ruined king,” “the belt of faith,” and “of the night”

do they care about their appearance? how much effort do they put into presentation? he cares deeply about his appearance–god forbid anyone think him sloppy or careless. though he puts a lot of effort into grooming, he can get distracted sometimes and go for hours without realizing his hair is wild and his suit is dirty. he’s toying with the idea of growing a beard.

how often do they lie? what situations cause them to be dishonest? he doesnt really lie as boldly as the others do to strangers, but has frequently lied to the party about how well he’s slept or the contents of his dreams. he himself is disturbed by and ashamed of having actual needs/problems, and would be beyond embarrassed to be a subject of serious concern. he must be seen as stalwart, cool, and in control.

what skills are they proficient in? why? cleaning, sewing, bookkeeping, and multitasking. skills he trained himself in from a young age to look after his family, and honed in his twenty years as a butler.

have they ever been in love? not really, not a lot of opportunity for it. may have had a crush on a book character or two, and hopes that he could fall in love if he ever had the chance.

what do they dislike about themself? why? he dislikes having ambitions or desires that are anything less than objective and reasonable. he thinks it’s a mindset that leads to overindulgence and burdening others.

what is something they love about themself? he is very proud of his ability to serve in hospitality and his cleaning ability. he knows he’s a little twitchy about cleaning, but is a firm believer in the importance of it

do they trust their party? why or why not? he trusts that their hearts are all more or less in the right place, and that they’ll back each other up. he doesn’t necessarily trust in their judgment or people skills. both of these estimations come from experience

what are their feelings on the people who raised them? he loves his family, but does not like them. he’s secretly very bitter and resentful of the fact that he spent his childhood looking after his willful, irresponsible brother and his absent-minded, geeky parents.

what do they dream about, when their dreams are their own? besides the ominous dreams lately, he dreams of work. endless anxiety dreams about work, and his boss, and his boss’s pigeons, and bugs. in terms of life dreams, he wants one day to be a happily married father of a small family. but that doesn’t seem to be in the cards.

do they see themself as a leader or a follower? follower

what haunts them? what doesn’t? he quit in a very explosive way: he stabbed his boss to death and set all of his boss’s pigeons loose, then walked away. he doesn’t really feel great about it

which of the five senses do they rely the most on? sight, but he’s very sensitive about smells, too

do they follow their head, their heart, or their body? head in most things, but he has a very soft heart.

what is a promise they’ve broken? i guess his job contract

how do they feel about nicknames, titles, or labels that have been given to them? how do they feel about their name? he’s fine with ferris killdeer, but his middle name, phosphorus, is a little embarrassing. he was very flattered to be called “well-dressed fella” by a vallaki guard. his family often called him “ferry” and “phossy”–“phossy” he hates, but “ferry” he would be ok with, if it were someone he liked who said it.

which of the four elements speaks to them the most? if he were asked, he’d say water, because it represents cleanliness to him. but narratively, fire comes up more.

what stories do they like to tell? what stories do they like to hear? he mentions that he used to be a butler, and will make an appeal to authority in re birdkeeping, “i used to look after pigeons for some time–sure they’re filthy birds, like,” but doesn’t get more extravagant than that. he is always happy to lend an ear to someone’s troubling backstory.

who do they miss? his family, at the end of the day. his life with them was frustrating, but at least it was simpler than this one.

how do they mourn? silently and stoically–expressive grief is just asking for attention to him

who would they kill? who would they kill for? he would only kill a fully sentient creature out of a deep sense of betrayal or fear, as in the case of his boss. he would kill to save any one of the party members, but only ireena could tell him to kill someone. he would hesitate if marceline or ismark told him to.

who would they save? who would they be saved by? he would save any of the party members–in order of priority, ireena, marceline, and ismark. he would be saved by any of them too, but marceline would probably help him first if it came to that.

what do they seek out from others? company and conversation

they’re given a blank piece of paper–what do they do with it? fold it carefully and save it

do they seek control, or do they want less of it? he does want control–not in a very power-hungry sense, but he wants to be on top of the situation. hates being on the back foot.

what makes them cry? as of now, there’s probably not a lot that could make him cry. maybe being furiously rebuked by the rest of the party for the things he’s ashamed of (having needs+murdering someone), or maybe soft tears at being told he’s valid

which party member do they go to in a crisis? marceline

which party member do they worry for? ireena

what’s a secret they’ve kept? for marceline, that she’s clearly not a great believer in her god. for himself, that he murdered his boss in his bed.

what is their favorite thing to hold? letter opener

what do they smell like? clean and a little sexy. crisp aldehydes–soft white florals–masculine sandalwood and vetiver

are their hands calloused, soft, or something else entirely? mostly soft, as he wears gloves. some calluses on his fingers from repeated motions done in deep cleaning

do they enjoy poetry? yes, in an aesthete kind of way. too shy to write poetry himself

what are they attracted to in other people? thoughtfulness, self-assurance, and cleverness. people who don’t seek out attention, but aren’t afraid of it either. though he has some grudging attraction to physical beauty regardless of personal values

what are three words they would use to describe themself? orderly, tactful, diligent

why do they fight? because ismark started another fight

what do they need to learn? that he is a person, not a servant

how do they hug people? he would be hugged first. jump at the embrace, then slowly reach around and pat them on the back. in a very emotional moment, he might just cling instead of pat, and put his face close to theirs, or their shoulder. eyes always open.

what do they deprive themself of? opportunities for happiness

when they meet someone, what is the first thing they notice? how they dress, what mood they seem to be in, and how intelligent they might be (which ferris judges based on vocabulary+forthcomingness)

what do they see in their future? hell

what makes them smile? acts of generosity or care, or seeing someone else happy

can they sing? can they dance? both! but a better dancer than singer

what is the most beautiful thing in the world, for them? the feeling of a job well done–for a brief moment, nothing to do but soak in the satisfaction. physically, a well-made home with lots of right angles, or ireena’s smile.

from whom do they seek validation? everyone else in the party–ismark the least.

which is more frightening to them: day or night? night. this is barovia

what was their education like? quite good, but with an overemphasis on entomology

whose hand do they reach out for? marceline and ireena

what animal do they most relate to? probably a nervous bird that has to have its nest just so

what makes them angry? selfishness, loud noises, and ingratitude

what do they think their role in the party is? what is their role in actuality? he thinks his role is the reasonable, cool-headed one who swoops in when the party needs an honest person to communicate concisely. in actuality, he’s that but also the nervous one who can’t hit an eldritch blast and is desperate to please everyone

what is a quiet passion of theirs? his passion for cleaning and the cleanliness/intelligence of birds is well-known at this point. it seems he also has a passion for protecting children and getting everyone to like him. he’s interested in the humanities.

do they whisper or yell more often? whisper

what kind of flower would they choose to pick from a meadow? he’d sooner leave one than pick one–where would he put it? would he have to carry it all the way back to where he came from? how many bugs have been on this? but if he really had to pick, a small one with pale coloring. nothing flashy or strongly-scented

outside of otherworldly forces, what do they believe in? his life is probably already over

what fight has scared them the most? the siege of the burgomaster’s mansion was up there due to strahd’s theatrics, and the hag due to the horror of finding children’s bones, but probably the wolf fight his first night in barovia. it was his first meeting of strahd and marceline nearly died.

do they value mercy or justice more? whatever keeps the peace best at the moment. he wants to believe mercy, but tends toward justice.

what is holding them back? self-esteem issues

who makes them feel warm? ireena

what makes them laugh? i laugh more than ferris does at the campaign–i think once he might’ve had a quick whoop when marceline won big at a dice game.

what was the best moment of their life? none comes to his mind, which makes him feel a bit sad, but he thinks his life has been somewhat unspectacular. in recent moments, maybe it was dancing with the vistani–the rush of escaping barovia and being safe with his new companions, the smile on ireena’s face–or maybe it was getting into vallaki–despite the kind of creepy stepford smiles, it was a pleasant change of pace from everywhere else so far. but really, it was the moment he set all the pigeons free after he murdered his boss. it was a terrible moment. he felt amazed, triumphant, and liberated for just a split second.

how would they describe their party members? marceline: powerful, and ultimately good-hearted, but a little slimy. complains way too much. ismark: a complete idiot who seems to bully anyone who meets his weird personal standards, but an honorable person. ferris pities him a little. ireena: a wonderful person who doesn’t deserve what’s happening to her.

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ilikelookingatthings · 4 years

Text

Akatsuki no Yona 196: comment from youtube I wrote and liked

I don't personally think Il taking yon-hi to the temple to get the blessing by the high priest was a back stab. while its true Il knew his brother wasn't a fan of the headpriests or going to the temple and that he was taking her before yoo-hon came back, It felt more like a attempt to share something he cared about.

just not done in the right way. like how yu-hon wanted Il to come hang out with him and we know yu-hon cared about Il but it clearly came out as scolding and like yu-hon was looking down on Il like everyone else. Yu-hon was the crowned prince and would hypothetically HAVE to work in close contact with the priests once he became the king and Yon-hi was a commoner being married into the family. It makes sense that Il would try to bring yon-hi to the priests o get the blessing for the marriage because prince Il wanted yon-hi to be fully accepted without easy targets people could use against her as well as his big brother and try to use that as a babystep to get his brother to realize the priests aren't bad. of course we know that plan went up shits creek once yu-hon returned and the priests figured out her identity on site.

Though it does have a strong parallel not because of the 'backstab' part but because of the misunderstanding part and terrible communication. Il and yu-hon were dealing with Il making assumptions about his brothers motive over a perceived betrayal(yu-hon hiding the identity or in this case killing kaashi) and yu-hon not given aot of time to properly explain but then lashing at Il in anger.

YOUR FACE XD I could tell immediately when you got to the stabbing panel! even before you started calling Il a piece if shit XD

though I would say when has yu-hon stood up for Il? We know Yu-hon cares about his brother and felt anger at people already being depressed about Il being the king and expressed to yon-hi and soo-won that he wants to support his younger brother and rally the kingdom around Il.

WE understandably know that because Kaashi heard this in private. But Yu-hon even when he first met Yon-hi let people talk shit about his brother andeven said he can;t blame them because he gets angry and irritated with his brother as well and says the same stuff. Yu-hon admited to that. He never told Il how important Il was to him strait up or what he admires in Il TO Il himself.

Yon-hi was honest and said what she admired in Il but yu-hon never corrected the lady's opinions or said to anyone else why yon-hi made a impression on him. Yu-hon got angry at people for not cheering for his brother and he sad mundeok was the only one who cheered by it was never stated if Yu-Hon cheered himself. Yu-hon is well liked by everyone so if he cheered wouldn't the others have tried joining in or something?

Il is still a piece of shit for stabbing his brother in the back of course but did Il really start this? Il was a jerk when he found out her identity and got the proper punch he deserved but yu-hon did hide her identity for what Il saw was no reason and Il had meant well when bringing yon-hi to the priests. its not like yu-hon doesn't believe in the religion.

he just doesnt like bowing to the head priests. Yu-hon burned all the temples and priests alive women and children included just because the head priests visited yon-hi's family. admittedly I was sketched out and assuming the worsts of the priests but thy hadn't done anything that deserved all of them set on fire. and the more we got to know kaashi and ik-soo(yoon's priest) the more I'm convinced the head priest was actually a genuinely good person.

1. Its confirmed from the last chapter that kaashi's powers are real. we know ik'soo's power was real and he can hear the voice of the gods and kaashi stated the priest also understood her powers. and they all recognized yon-hi' blood and yona's. Kaashi was kind to yon-hi from the get go when they first met. she also literally almost died by flame and watched important people to her and her job burned, yet she was the one who outed her identity to yon-hi after that years later. trusting yon-hi and not holding a grudge. letting yona and soo-won play. telling yon-hi about yona's identity and her powers and comforting yon-hi.

telling yon-hi that she just needs ti be happy and live her life and thats enough meaning as in the end yon-hi and yona are just none powered humans and kaashi expressed she wanted to talk more for yonhi. also worried about her health. Kaashhi more than anyone would have the right to hold a grudge against yon-hi and her family for what yu-hon did but instead showed kindness to yon-hi that even Il noticed and really appreciated that yon-hi has been there for kaashi.

2. Ik-soo can hear the gods and was driven out as a young child with no one taking care of him where he was so kind and empathetic he gave away jewels and his shoes to strangers to help in anyway he could. and he was kind and helped raise yoon. helped the heros and was understanding toward yona and her group despite the fact her uncle drove him out as burned all the priests and yona's father couldn;t stop him. and king Il hadn;t been a very good king.

3. and the things we know the head prist did was visit yon-hi's family. listened to their stories of plight and their short lives and cried for them. grieved for their loved ones. and showed genuine joy that they existed and gave many in the family peace of mind and a fullfillment just from that exchange. making such a positive impact all of yon-hi's family grieved his terrible end and her mom felt so grief strickened she killed herself because they saw him as such a good man.

Yu-hon burned people who hadn't even known yon-hi's secert and hadn't thought to ask yon-hi or her family what they wanted. and yu-hon didn't think at all how that would affect Il. and yu-hon was praised by the people because they'll judge everything he does as nessacary because they like him and his strength.

Though Il is a piece of shit because if he is the king...why not send yu-hon to a court and judge him? why stab him and throw him off a cliff? does Il think yu-hon would get away with murdering kaashi like yu-hon got away with killing the priests? Il doesn't gain anything from killing Yu-hon. like yu-hon is the most popular. at least tolerate him for long enough til the country stablizes properly. like Il knows yu-hon has a wife and a kid and killing yu-hon is depriving them of someone they love. inflicting the same pain Il and yona feels from the loss of his wife onto yon-hi and soo-won. was it to protect his brothers reputation and yon-hi and soo-won?

if yu-hon dies from a 'accident' they wont have to deal with the ramification of the husband/father killing the queen of kouka which is tatamount to treason.

Il's focused motivation is TERRIBLE. Yu-hon is right that Il shouldn't focus on praying to the gods or assuming they'll be safe as long as yona is around because she is the reincarnation of some longdead king and dragons.

yu-hon is the supirour ruler in that regard because you have to do stuff and act. you can't just wait around praying and it sounds like crazy talk out of Il. Its definitly a reminder that yu-hon was the crown prince and raised the rule and has experience that Il doesn't have. Their father fousing on praying with Il rather than actually training Il and no one helpong il and just scolding himin the past rather than teach him. especially since yu-hon might have let the wife go unharmed.

But on the other hand yu-hon lied about not knowing yon-hi was a priestess. he immediately going into a rant about how kaashi swindled Il and the grandpa with her lies and that she would be the downfall of the kingdom when Il guessed wrong about yu-hon's motivation. whichcame across as yu-hon correcting Il about the motivation behind killing kaashi rather actually denying that he killed her. Il doesn't have the best track record with guessing yu-hon's motivations so it might lean that yu-hon didn't kill kaashi and this was a misunderstanding.

something I would have believed until yu-hon said that she tricked Il and the grandpa and she would ruin the country. Il reminding us that yu-hon does show no mercy to people he doesn't want to understand(hence the killing of all the priests and the beheading people in the first place).

and yu-hon did act odd last chapter and talked about his growing hatred for hirryu and saying he'd protect them and with his personality known for looking for a fight. possible resentment that kaashi is connected to those gods who gave yon-hi the short end of the stick. that kaashi was around when yon-hi collapsed.

yu-hon HAS motivation on multiple fronts. especially since yu-hon would want Il to figure stuff out himself and not with a priest/priestess. if yu-hon though kaashi was a bad influence on his brother which could affect the country I could see yu-hon killing her. or send others to kill her. that or his aim was yona. I WANT to say the Il is assuming wrong and yu-hon wouldn't do that but yu-hon is unpredictable in that regard once he sees someone as a threat to his country or his family. even Yon-hi who knows yu-hon the best focused on the possibility that yu-hon killed kaashi as legit unlike the others who focused on Il talking crazy talk and being bewitched by the priestess and killing his brother in the back rather than focusing that its a real possibility that Il wasn't mistaken about yu-hon being responsible for kaashi's death.

the yu-hon group talking about the murder feel like the type to focus that even if yu-hon did kill kaashi that it was for the best because yu-hon said she bewitched or fed il and the grandpa falsehoods. Yon-hi seems to believe her husband killing kaashi was pretty possible. Its still heinous for Il to stab his brother in the back and push him off the cliff without what seems like airtight proof of yu-hon killing kaashi but its been a while since the wifes death that Il could have properly investigated for all we know.

Il might be a brat but no one would kill their brother unless he had real good evidence that proves what yu-hon did/was responsable for it. Though admittedly Il could have also been out of his right might because not only is he king when he wasnt prepared but his wife died. grief can make people act irrational and yu-hon insulting the dead kaashi by saying she's some con artist probably wasn;t helping yu-hon's case. there would definitly be a extra hint of tradgedy if it turned out yu-hon didn't kill kaashi and it was just bandits or just yu-hon supporters.

heck I would almost believe they could be spys from other kingdoms. after all killing the queen(though my bet it was aimed for yona who I'm betting kaashi secretly snuck out of the carriage to protect her) would be a huge blow for prince Il who is legendary for not being like yu-hon and who seems to have less confidence in himself. especially after the death of the father and a surprise switch of the heir. that might connect into why soo-won was worried about the other countries seeing kouka kingdom as a good target.

If it really was just a unfortunate accident this would be tradgic because Il doesn't have faith in his brother wouldn't hurt him like this. It would play in how both Il and yu-hon are vry very stubborn on changing their minds on stuff. and just how bad yu-hon murdering all those priests had Il lose his faith in him. whats even extra sad is yu-hon was extra happy because Il actually invited him out for a horse ride himself. yon-hi and us know how much yu-hon actually wanted to bond with his brother.

Yu-hon even wanted his brother to hold a weapon and be more manly. yu-hon got what he wanted in the worst nightmare of ways.

god....if only Il was smart enough to keep yu-hon alive. like even if yu-hon did kill kashi the smart thing would be to keep yu-hon alive for the kingdom to protect it and to have help til yu-hon rallys everyone together. Il must have known he wasnt experienced or ready and the smart move would be to have his brother stay alive and support him like how soo-won and yona tolerate eachother being around with the excuse its good for the country(even if personally they care about eachother still).

but then grieving Il who was thinks his brother killed his wife and it makes sense that he might not be able to tolerate working by the side of his brother who killed his wife. Its like if when soo-won was hiding yona under his cloak by the coast when they et up after the pirate arc and if yona actualy went through with grabbing the sword and killling soo-won.

it makes sense emotionally if she did that evenif it wouldn;t be smart for her or the kingdom. only yona couldn't bring herself to do it. Il on the other hand stabbed and threw him off the cliff.

It lines up that Il is very firm in his beliefs that violence is bad, try for peace and out lawing slavery. but he isn't good at figuring out how to actually impliment or get stuff done. mind yo it probably didn;t help that none of the tribes were willing to give him a fair shot other than te windtribe from the very begining. its hard to get styff done when you don't have real support from people after all. and Il of course doesnt have yu-hon's experience and was so traumatized by the amount of people who died that he'd avoid it at all costs.

Il means well but doesnt take how to impliment it properly. like how he hates weapons and violence which is understandable but he didn't understand the people who trained and wanted to fight to protect the country and that shaming weapons or over protective wasnt going to help his country prosper. just as his over protective nature left yona without many skills to help her once she had o go outside to the point she didn't even know the troubles the fire tribe had with food and terrain. and he killed his own brother.

no wonder he needed yona to be so safe. if yu-hon had to die than yona has to live.

King Il did at least cry. but damn... I kindof hope it was a murder plot by a different country to frame yu-hon or something. it does make king Il calling himself a cowardly king himself to take on so many more meanings O.O his dislike of weapons being even stronger as time passed.

il saying the royal family all had bad ended to yona. the interpretations where Il is just a stone cold jerk and doesn't like soo-won and stuff and is childish with yu-hon. but then if we remember that Il IS a naturally kind hearted, sensitive person who hates violence and will be kind even to commoners and admit his wrongs is real. this is the guy who made yona homemade soup himself when she got sick while he was dealing with work. who yona clearly saw was grieving kaashi. the man who decided to never marry again after kaashi died.

he is someone mundeok believed in. yu-hon was happy that yon-hi saw the value Il had. and Il had to deal with being belittled by everyone and knowing no one wants him as king but he still carried himself with dignity. Il didn't brush aside that his brother killed many people in te kouka kingdom even though everyone else did and it would have been easy. and Il threw himself in fire to save even one person even though it was against his brothers choice. and Il had no reason to believe he'd get anything out of that.

I definitely don't want to say Il didn;t love kaashi. heck kaashi was the one to ask for the marriage because she wanted to have the red haired baby so even if it did start out with both Il and kaashi motivated to give birth to the reincarnation theres nothing inherently evil about that. though it would be a tradgedy if kaashi never realized that Il's care for her was genuine and not just about the baby. the dude never married again. but its definitely easy to want to judge Il from that he was bad all over and was in a loveless marriage cuz I'm angry at him.... but then it IS possible the marriage was more of a friendship than complete smitten love. considering that marriages being based on love is a fairly modern concept and before it was about companionship, politics or just making babies.

I just wonder if Il felt guilt and responsible for what happened to the priests. after all it was his own BROTHER who killed them all and tried to kill kaashi. the head priest only found out about yon-hi because Il was excited to get yon-hi accepted and approved by the church(because the church is intertwined with royalty and it would help her to have one less thing for people to judge her on and it could have been used to get his brother to start fixing the relationship he has with the priests since they should have been working closely in the future).

If il hadn't taken her than they wouldn't have found out her identity(or at least it might have taken longer because kaashi might have taken her) and then they wouldn't have visited her family which triggered the massacure. Il could very well blame himself especially if it was the first taste of how brutal and merciless his brother could be and that Il was spared from death and just told not to tell anyone yon-hi's secert. How would you feel being married to someone who your brother tried to kill? that she has to hide her identity. she has a giant burn. she mght get targeted if she gets found out by your brother and you knows she doesnt love you. like I'd almost wonder if Il married her as a way to take responsibility.

kaashi clearly looks traumatized from the incident compared to her original cheerful self. yona we know has felt guilt and bad for the affects her her father being a weak king and felt some responsibility for what her uncle did. it would be interesting if Il felt the same way in regards to his brother.

I'm just curious about yu-hon's wish to take over the entire contient. conquer the other countries. lik regaining the strength to stay their own kingdom is good and regain lands they lost makes sense. to maybe get stronger to protect themselves from possible attack makes sense fr future soo-won. but finding out yu-hon might have wanted to take over everything hits odd since we've seen how to feels to be invaded by kulbo before.

and how the 2 princess sisters' country felt like with the threat of soo-won coming to battle them. It does have me wondering that if soo-won increases the borders of the country with the dragons be able to stay strong even when they are outside the normal borders?

gots really interestin to see you react impressed with wise soo-won. most people i've seenreact to it get the heebie jeebies. on one hand soo-won is smart like his dad. on the other his dad is the type of man who set people on fire, and killed woman, children and cut off heads and alot of problems could have been avoided if yu-hon hadn't killed all the priests and thought of a non set people of fire solution. like if everyone agreed the priests over stepped there must have been other options. like askingyon-hi and her parents what they waned to do rather than deciding on his own.

yu-hon seems like a normal guy who is likable and who we can support and then you remember he killed people in cold blood before. sure he had reasons but yu-hon was unaffected and unapologetic. so soo-won being super smart is great but it feels unnatural for a child to seperate his emotions like that. though admittedly we know he does have vivid personal rage from his expression there. and we saw when he did actually murder king Il that soo-won talked about waiting years for that day and hisface was cold and unfeeling and soo-won was prepared to catch yona and kill her for real. so his rage feelings are vivid and real. even if he acts cool and collected. and he did assume his mom would want Il to die as well. not considering the answer might be different. and he has been trying to act strong for his mom even though he is only nine.

though as impressing as soo-won is I am enraged because all those guys and men told Soo-won a NINE year old about his father being murdered and let soo-won dig up his fathers grave to check if the wound matched even though kyke-sook could have reported the wound and story before yu-hon was buried. like they didn't tel yon-hi. the adult and wife of yu-hon. they told a CHILD and got him involved on figuring out if the information was true.

like its great soo-won can keephis head and impression them with his composure but why type of people are they for getting soo-won involved with checking his dads corpse. even if its smarter because soo-won would be less likly to get in trouble for desecrating the grave... whose bright idea was to let him get involved?! O.O soo-won is impressive but there is something unnatural about how easy it is for him to dismiss how yona will be affected if he kills Il.

Yon-hi was trying o get soo-won to realizing killing Il wasnt the answer by bringing up yona as a motivation to not kill Il like how regular people would react but soo-won brushed it as two different matters entirely. and yon-hi didn't know gow to tell him she didn't want the cycle of violence to continue. we definitly know soo-won's hatred was real as he did choose the killing route rather than kidnapping him or getting him to stand down. and it seems none of the people realized marrying yona was a real option.

theres a fascinating parallel because yona has been judging soo-won as the king because he murdered her dad and she has deemed him a good king so she shouldn't interfere with him. in the end Il didn't pass as a good king, soo-won judged and killed him. to soo-won's credit he did wait to see how il would be as king unil he realized if il was allowed to carry on for any longer thy would be too vulnerable to be attacked. hedid give king Il a chance even if that chance was king of rigged because Il wasnt really supported and given advice by others who werent complaining about the polices. the firetribe was out of touch with the peoples struggles for a while for example.

but even yon-hi knew il needed real help to be a good king. he no longer had yu-hon. kaashi was gone. people who would at least try for him. but on the other hand soo-won did still choose to kill Il on yona's 16th birthday. soo-won had found out yona has feelings for soo-won the day before the murder where he actually got flustered and affected enough to admit he probably couldn't sleep by her side lik he did before after her confession.

he gave her a beautiful hair pin. complimenting her hair. smiling sweetly at her. and being told about the trust hak has in him as well. and soo-won still killed the dad on her birthday. infront of her. and then was prepared to following kyke-sook's advice to kill yona. compartmentalizing can be okay since thats how he's coping....but theres something scary about it. that yon-hi getting freaked out how dispassionate soo-won was to the fact if soo-won kills il one day it will be yona who will be in pain even though she is a close friend. something that would at least slow people down to hesitate.

I wonder if soo-won focused on being in business mode and handling the situation instead of letting himself feel. Did you realize that soo-won saying Il and yona are separate matters is a echo of a similar quote from someone else saying the same thing? I wonder about soo-won promises. he tells his mom that he'll replace yu-hon. but soo-won told yona before that he would be a replacement for kaashi/her mother.

I've realized that soo-won has a serenity that Il has. Il has a bubbly surface that can be hard to read like the earthtribe noticed when soo-won visited that time. soo-won was able to show those fangs under his own bubbly gentle exterior and have them noticed and respected. I wonder if people just hadn't noticed Il's fangs. soo-won is using his to bring out others strengths in the kingdom to prepare for war.

I wonder if Il had fangs with his firmness against war and weapons and stuff and people just hadn;t noticed because Il doesn't break his bubbly self often and its not what they see as being better for them. like soo-won's able to win them over by appearing to the want to fight and goods to sell. love your reaction XD It gives so many more layers to interpret the first volume and the stuff il has said when you have this new context.

#akatsuki no yona #kaashi #yon-hi #yu-hon #king il #dragons #yona

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