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keiyoomi · 4 years

Text

ang iwasan

☾pairing: tsukishima kei x reader; (ft. oc)

☾genre: angst

☾word count: 1,485 words

☾note: i have zero self-control. i haven’t written in english for years and the wc is kinda unexpected. i’m currently accepting requests while trying to complete my never ending WIPs. ah! and forgive me for not putting a ‘keep reading’ somewhere.

☾currently playing on repeat: ang iwasan by moira dela torre

☾ masterlist | part two

“KEI! Come here!” Your heart stopped as soon as you heard a familiar name coming out of your club mate’s lips. You were silently praying that she was calling a different man, but you know that your prayer did not work when a familiar manly scent engulfed your senses.

‘Did any deity ever listened whenever I pray?’ you asked before looking at the blond man, standing beside Akiko. He looks taller than you last saw him. His blank face reminds you of the days before formally knowing him. “H-Hi.” You were hesitating. Should you pretend that you’ve never met him before, or should you greet him the same way you greeted your other senpais?

Tsukishima briefly glance at Akiko before staring at you. He sat next to her before holding her hand. You forced a smile before looking at the two. “Hi,” he greeted back. Akiko leaned on his shoulder while looking at you.

“He’s a big baby, to be honest.”

You smiled bitterly. She didn’t have to tell you anything about him. You knew. You knew a lot about him. You know him all too well. His habits, his sarcasm, even his terrible sleeping pattern whenever they’re about to face strong opponents for the interhigh and spring tournament qualifiers. You know it all too well, but you can’t say anything.

What happened between you and Tsukishima was nothing, but a mere illusion, a mere daydream by someone who admires him from afar. Even Yamaguchi didn’t know that you were in a relationship with Kei during their third year in high school.

“Y/N, you’re also a Karasuno graduate, right?” she asked before taking a sip of her drink. You nodded your head in response, afraid that your voice will sound shaky after remembering some moments you’ve had with Tsuki. “Oh! Then you’ve heard about Kei! I’ve heard that their volleyball team reached the finals and ranked third in the country before their batch graduated.”

‘Of course, I knew. I was there. I was with them after the match. I was with him when he cried in silence, disappointed with how their match turned out. I was there.’ If only you could voice out what’s on your mind. You shook your head before smiling. “I wasn’t paying attention with any sports club. Our club’s also busy handling numerous events during that time.”

“Oh.” Then, she tapped Tsukishima’s hand. “We can take her with us. She probably knows some of your team’s members.”

Your eyes met his before you look away. You were planning to skip the said gathering. Even if Ennoshita is persistently telling you to come. Even if Yachi threatened that she will drag you out of your apartment if you’ll try to skip it. You were planning to skip it in order to avoid him. In order to forget what happened almost two years ago.

But it seems like life has some twisted humor.

A week later, you found yourself wearing a black sweater and skinny jeans, paired with black velvet pumps. Yachi pointed out that it looks like you were about to attend a funeral, she’s not completely wrong though. You were really about to attend a funeral—the funeral of your dying heart that is still yearning to be with Tsukishima.

Old familiar faces greeted you with warm hugs. Even Kageyama wrapped his arms around you making your eyes widen. You were lowkey panicking as you searched for someone inside the room. Then, your eyes met hers—Akiko’s.

“Y/N, have you seen Tsukishima? He finally brought a girlfriend!” Hinata says enthusiastically while dragging you towards the ‘new’ couple. Akiko was glaring at you as you stood in front of them. “Akiko, this is Y/N—”

“—I know,” she cut-off. “We attend the same university and have several classes together. I didn’t expect to see her here, though. I thought she has something to do today.”

Hinata shook his head. “She hates any type of gathering. She didn’t even send us off when we graduated,” he said before looking at your pale face. “Wait, are you okay, Y/N?”

You forced a smile before answering. “I’m dizzy, but I’ll live.”

“How about you take a seat for a while?”

“I wouldn’t turn down your offer,” you responded almost instantly.

You thought you’d be able to stand Kei and Akiko’s presence, but clearly, you can’t. It was suffocating and it makes you feel sick. . .betrayed, at some point.

“You should’ve confessed your feelings to him before he graduated if you really like him.” You sharply turned to Yaotome who handed you a drink (which you accepted and downed within a minute.)

“They were together for less than a year,” Tokita says, which made you elbow his side making him wince. “It wasn’t my fault that you’re a terrible drinker,” he added as he gave you another plastic cup filled with beer. “Any alcoholic beverage is like a truth serum for her. Once she gets drunk, she’ll spill any secrets she knows!”

“SHUT UP, TOKITA!”

Everyone turned their heads towards your direction, including Shoji who shook his head while looking at your direction. “Do not say another word you fucking idiot. I will definitely cut your tongue if—”

“—YOU’RE ALREADY AT THAT STAGE?” It was everyone’s turn to look at Tsukishima’s direction. Sugawara’s voice was louder than the music playing in the background. “Daichi, Akiko says they’re already planning their wedding. Can you believe it? Tsukishima’s getting married before we do?”

You feel sick.

“I-I need some air,” you said before walking out of the establishment. Tears streamed down your cheeks as you descended the stairs. As soon as you stepped out of the entrance, you’ve decided to run. You weren’t exactly sure where you’re going, but anywhere is better than staying at the same place as Tsukishima and his new girlfriend.

You were running with tears clouding your vision that you didn’t even noticed the gap on the sidewalk, twisting your ankle and making you fall on the ground. You removed your pumps before throwing it away.

You were in pain. Physically and emotionally. You were hoping that you’d be able to heal your brokenheart, but you simply can’t do such thing. Not after discovering when they began seeing each other. Not when they’re already three steps ahead in their relationship compared to what you had with him. The worst part, he actually announced their relationship to everyone. Unlike yours.

You wanted to scream out loud, hoping that it would ease the pain you’re feeling inside. You wanted to but nothing else, aside from sobs, comes out of your lips. You were hitting your chest when a hand wrapped around your wrist, keeping you from doing so.

You tried to pull your hand from his grip as soon as you see his golden brown eyes. “Let me go! Let go you fucking ass!” you screamed while hitting him. “Let me go! Please let me be. . .” you sobbed.

“Why did you leave? Were you trying to worry Suga—”

You scoffed. “Why? Did you expect me to stay in the same place as you? After everything I’ve heard from Akiko last week? You expect me to. . .”

He let your wrist go before placing his jacket on your shoulder. You immediately stood despite feeling the sharp pain on your ankle. Then, you removed the jacket before harshly throwing it to him. “Fuck you,” you said angrily before walking away from him.

He gripped your arm making you glare at him. “Let me help you.”

“Fuck off. I don’t need your help.”

“You’re hurting yourself.”

“I’ve been hurting myself this past few months!” You yelled, tears streaming down your cheeks. “This physical pain? This is nothing.” You forcefully removed his hand from your arm. “Don’t act like you care about me. Not after hurting me like this.”

You tried to fight back the tears, but you can’t. Especially with the heaviness in your chest, one you’ve been carrying for months. “You could’ve told me that you no longer love. . .” you sobbed before scoffing. “Did you even love me?” you whispered before looking at his eyes. “You could’ve told me that you’re no longer interested in me. Instead of making up some shitty excuse about not wanting to have a long distance relationship.”

“Let me explain.”

You shook your head, slowly pushing him away from you. “You don’t have to. I’ll. . .I’ll be fine. Eventually.” You, then, fished something out of your pocket. A silver necklace with a moon pendant, one that he gave your during your first month together.

“Let’s just pretend that nothing happened between us, at all. It’s not like anyone knew what happened between us anyway.” You placed the necklace on his hand before forcing a smile. “I hope you’ll be happy with her, Kei.” You lightly caressed his cheeks before smiling sadly. “Goodbye.”

☾ taglist: @haikyuu-ink ; @kenchiko ; @agaassi ; @benvo ; tba (send an ask or dm if you’d like to be added/removed!)

#keiyoomi: angst #keiyoomi: haikyū!!#tsukishima kei x reader angst #tsukishima x reader angst #tsukishima kei x reader #tsukishima x reader #hq tsukishima #tsukishima imagine #tsukishima scenarios #hq!! angst

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diary-of-deadweight · 4 years

Text

Despite it all

summary: Virgil admires the reader from afar until Roman decides to tease him in the form in which he is best at, singing.

There he was, sat upon the staircase hunched over his phone despite what Logan and Roman have told him on several occasions.

‘Hunched posture isn’t good posture’

He couldn’t give a damn if his life depended on it, he made it seem as if he was occupied with either music or tumblr with his hood up over his head which made for great coverage for his wandering eyes that deviated from the phonescreen to the ethereal being sat upon the brown plush couch talking to Patton who was waving his hands animatedly, spitting words like bullets as if he was going to forget the story if he didn’t tell anyone right away.

He couldn’t help but feel drawn to you the moment he laid eyes on you, cliche he knows, so he tried to hide his sudden infatuation by distancing himself and acting colder the before as to save himself from suspicion and disappointment and chose to admire you from afar and as they say ‘the heart grows fonder with distance’ which could not be more befitting for this moment; he hoped that one day you’d look his way in the same way he looked your way, with adoration and admiration.

No body had ever shown him such kindness as you did even after all he has done, how he had treated you in the past, how he acted towards all of you and still you had the balls to treat him like you treated Thomas, Logan, Roman and Patton. He didn’t deserve any of it but he knew you well enough to know that you were stubborn and would probably scold him for berating himself and comparing himself to others like he did no matter the occasion but he couldn’t help the itching sensation in the back of his head that told him that you’d find someone else to fawn over and forget him all together which only distanced him even more from telling you the truth and even if he did it was a well known fact he wasn’t the most confrontational nor the one to take initiative which meant he’d have to rely on someone else to step up for him due to his heightened anxiety. Which would probably look sloppy and pathetic to you.

He watched on as you laughed at Patton’s dad jokes, completely immersed with the story about how Remus manage to trick Roman into thinking a Royal was in danger, only for it to be Janus in a sunset yellow dress with a black snake in the middle and a piss yellow coloured mop like wig upon his head. Needless to say Roman was pissed and a fight broke out between the two before Logan, with the aid of a reluctant Janus, stepped in to break them apart.

Virgil couldn’t help but smirk at the memory of Romans’ face going from confident to disbelief and finally anger in a matter of seconds. What? It was his fault for getting so riled up so easily that he was the one everyone goes after on April 1st for a quick win. He attention was drawn back to you when you started telling the patently side about how you spent a entire day watching Haikyuu season 3 Karasuno High vs Shiratorizawa Academy in hopes of catching up to everyone before season 4 ended, that and the fact season 5 of my hero academia wasn’t coming out into next year which gave you more open opertunities to re-read the manga.

He could listen to your voice all day if he wanted, it was warm, inviting, angelic, soft and comforting all at once. Lost within his daydream he didn’t sense the princely side to pop up beside him and start singing, “there you see them, sitting there across the way, they’ve clearly got a lot to say, there is something about them.”

“Shut the fuck up.” Virgil hissed between his teeth, glaring at Roman who just ignored him and continued, “you don’t know why but you’re dying to try you wanna kiss them.” The anxious male glanced at you in hopes you heard any of that, sighing in relief when you haven’t even finished your story yet. “Yeah you want them, look at them you know you do, it’s possible they want you too there is one way to ask them.”

“And by ask you mean to kiss (y/n) without concent, yeah no, you’re over your head princey and besides,” He trailed off, coffee brown eyes cast down to the floor, “ if there was a possibility that they do, which is small, why would they want me.” He truly didn’t believe he deserved you, you’re too good for him that he only fears that he’s only gonna let you down no matter what and he didn’t want that for you.

He cares so much about you that he’s willing to let you go knowing he was going to regret not having have asked for as long as he lived but if it were to make you happy, he’d do it in a heartbeat. Roman, by now, had stopped singing to hear Virgil pretty much spill his insecurities about perusing you and he couldn’t help but feel his heart ache for him as he reached a hand out and placed it on his shoulder, feeling him tense up before relaxing once more when he saw that Roman wasn’t gonna tease him any further.

“Hey now, how would you know how they feel about you f you keep getting in your own way,” He began, tilting his head to the side in question, “ they might hold you in the highest of regards and you don’t know it because you’re too blinded by the ‘what ifs’ and not the ‘possiblies’ and ‘could be’” Virgil was about to retort but Roman wasn’t having any of it, “ah, ah,ah my anxious friend,” he sang, “ I know what you’re about to say, you were about to say ‘well how would you know that’ and the answer is simple, I not only embody Thomas’s creativity, hopes and dreams but also his romantic side and I see the way they look at you when you’re not looking, they look at you with adoration and admiration on par with your own and it’s driving me berserk at how naive you both are but that’s not the point I’m trying to make and the point is Virgil that despite it all, the good, the bad, you have each other and that by itself is magical.” Roman finishes, patting his friend on the shoulder before standing up, “just think about it, alright?” And before Virgil could open his mouth to respond, he was gone, left to mull over his options before coming to a conclusion with a new found confidence he didn’t knew he posed.

He was gonna do it, he was gonna do what he’s been meaning to for a long while.

#sanders sides imagine #sanders sides fic #sanders sides x reader #sanders sides imagines #anxiety sanders imagine #anxiety sanders x reader #anxiety sanders imagines #virgil sanders x reader #virgil sanders imagines #virgil sanders imagine #roman sanders imagine #roman sanders imagines #patton sanders imagine #patton sanders imagines #creativity sanders imagines #creativity sanders imagine #morality sanders imagines #morality sanders imagine

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pronouncingitwang · 4 years

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s1 archives crew | 1.7K words | basically tim and martin think sasha and jon are dating and have a Time about it to my specific amusement

[INT. BUBBLE TEA SHOP]

[BACKGROUND: PEOPLE CHATTING, BAD DANCE MUSIC PLAYING OVER THE SPEAKERS]

TIM

(bitter, reminiscent of a cup of black tea that’s been steeping, forgotten, for an hour) I hope they’re having a good time

[PLASTIC HITTING PLASTIC, LIKE SOMEONE IS JABBING AT HIS BUBBLE TEA WITH HIS STRAW AND FAILING TO CATCH ANY PEARLS ON THE POINTY END]

MARTIN

(bitter, reminiscent of a cup of black tea that’s been steeping, forgotten, for two hours) I don’t.

TIM

(heh) Wellll… It’s more that I hope they’re having a good time, until something about the way Sasha talks reminds Jon of his grandmother, and the thought is so awful that he starts wishing it weren’t a date.

[ON THE WORD “DATE,” MARTIN LETS OUT A SOFT GROAN]

MARTIN

(glum) Cheers to that.

[THE TAP OF TWO PLASTIC CUPS AGAINST EACH OTHER]

MARTIN

(wistful) What do you think they’re talking about right now?

TIM

(glum) How smart and perfect they are, probably.

That, or work.

MARTIN

I don’t even know if Jon’s capable of not talking about work.

TIM

He was, back in research. (contemplative) He and Sash always got along swimmingly, but I never thought…

MARTIN

(oddly agitated) I didn’t even know he swung that way. Do you think— (lowering voice to a whisper) is it possible Sasha’s his beard?

TIM

(laughing) What, he needs her help staying closeted from us? You know, come to think of it, we are both such raging homophobes, so—

MARTIN

(laughing, but still tense) Yeah, alright, alright, lay off it.

[SILENCE]

TIM

Are you alright? You look… really wound up. Like, shaking.

MARTIN

(agitated) I’m fine, I just— (words bursting out) Look, I’m sorry, but—what does Jon see in her? Like, Sasha’s my friend, and she’s great, but—

TIM

(trying for lighthearted but landed on “stern”) Going to have to stop you there, Marto.

MARTIN

What? Oh, right, right, I’m sorry—

TIM

How about some ground rules. I don’t talk shit about Jon, and you don’t talk shit about Sasha.

MARTIN

Y-yeah. That sounds good.

[AWKWARD SILENCE]

MARTIN

I hope… that Elias calls Jon down to the Institute for an emergency live statement before they’ve even ordered food?

[CLINK OF ICE, A CUP BEING RAISED]

TIM

That’s the spirit!

[INT. ARCHIVES, THE ARCHIVIST’S OFFICE]

ARCHIVIST

I know you said, but your wording was ambiguous earlier, and I’ve gotten this wrong before in the past—this is strictly platonic, yes?

SASHA

(amused) Yes, Jon, I promise I’m not trying to steal your virtue—

[SPLUTTERING NOISES FROM THE ARCHIVIST]

SASHA (CONT’D)

—or your heart.

ARCHIVIST

That’s, ah. That’s good to hear.

SASHA

God, Jon, if I knew you were going to be this flustered over “My corkscrew wound hurts, so you’re taking me out to dinner because I said so,” I wouldn’t have asked.

ARCHIVIST

No, it’s perfectly alright, I’m happy to—

SASHA

If it helps, I’m also aromantic as hell.

ARCHIVIST

Oh! That’s, well. (inhale) (enunciating each word clearly and sincerely) Thank you for telling me, Sasha.

SASHA

(laughing) You can stop making that face, I haven’t been hiding it, or worried about your reaction or anything. I only really figured it out recently. I haven’t even told Tim yet.

ARCHIVIST

(awkward) Ah. Well, either way, I’m glad that you found a label that works for you.

SASHA

So am I.

ARCHIVIST

(abrupt) I’m… I’m asexual. Not that it—but I thought you might like to know.

SASHA

Nice!

[SOUND OF A HI-FIVE BEING EXCHANGED]

SASHA (CONT’D)

And you’re right, I do like to know.

So, you ready for Aspec Solidarity Dinner?

ARCHIVIST

I thought this was Sorry You Got Stabbed Dinner.

SASHA

(with exaggerated gravity) Sometimes, things… can be two things.

ARCHIVIST

(heh) Fair enough.

[INT. BUBBLE TEA SHOP, SEVERAL HOURS LATER]

[LESS BACKGROUND CHATTER THAN BEFORE]

MARTIN

(dreamily) I hope they both get food poisoning. Not— (correcting course) not anything too bad, just… unpleasant enough that their neural pathways start connecting the idea of a romance between them with feeling sick.

TIM

(mock-offended) What, you think getting food poisoning with someone means you can’t stomach the sight of them again? And here I was thinking we were friends!

MARTIN

Well, we weren’t on a date, then. The logic works out differently. You don’t make me ill, but the idea of stakeouts does.

TIM

I mean, we could.

MARTIN

Could…?

TIM

Go on a date. A proper one.

MARTIN

What, like, to make Jon and Sasha jealous?

[BEAT]

MARTIN

Shit, Tim. I’m—

TIM

(quiet) I was just thinking a date in general, but—

MARTIN (CONT’D)

—so sorry, that was so inconsiderate—

TIM

(overlapping) No, no, it’s alright. It was… stupid to ask. I know how much you like Jon.

MARTIN

And I thought you were—I thought—Well, you just spent an hour talking about how you were interested in Sasha?

TIM

Doesn’t mean I can’t have other interests.

MARTIN

Right. I mean—

TIM

Let’s just agree to forget about it.

MARTIN

I mean, it’s not that I don’t—

TIM

We’re having fun, right? Let’s keep having fun.

[SILENCE]

MARTIN

(quiet) So you really want to forget about it?

TIM

Martin, what does that even me-

MARTIN

I don’t know! I just—Can we talk about it tomorrow?

TIM

... Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good.

[MORE SILENCE]

TIM

(with forced enthusiasm) Hey. I just had an idea. Do you want to get really, really drunk?

SASHA

(laughing) And then— (laughing harder) they just hung up on me! Just like that!

ARCHIVIST

(engrossed) What did you do then?

SASHA

Called them back, of course.

ARCHIVIST

No.

SASHA

It was my favorite sweater, Jon, I wasn’t going to let it rot just because Tim left it behind while trespassing for you!

ARCHIVIST

So now it’s my fault, too?

SASHA

Absolutely. I think you owe me, oh, at least two more dinners for that.

ARCHIVIST

(audible smile) That can be arranged. Though, (hesitating) I don’t know if that’s… wise.

SASHA

(mildly exasperated) Listen, Jon, just because you can technically fire me now doesn’t mean we can’t still spend time together.

ARCHIVIST

Well, yes, but—

SASHA

You’re my friend, Jon. I missed talking to you.

ARCHIVIST

(somewhat touched) I… also consider you a friend, Sasha.

SASHA (CONT’D)

(smug) Besides, I know you’d never fire me, anyway.

ARCHIVIST

From a professional standpoint, I can neither confirm nor deny that.

SASHA

Ha! Knew it.

Movie at mine after we—sorry, after you—pay?

[INT. TIM’S FLAT, SEVERAL HOURS LATER]

[SOUNDS FROM THE TV]

MARTIN

(earnest, clearly inebriated) I can’t believe David broke up with you! That was so mean! How could anyone be so mean to you?

TIM

I can’t believe Jon’s so hard on you. I know you didn’t get a degree, but you work so hard, Marty. It’s not fair.

MARTIN

(sighing) ’Least he’s pretty.

TIM

So pretty.

MARTIN

Just wanna hold his hand.

TIM

(daydreaming) Sash has nice hands.

[SILENCE AS THEY FANTASIZE]

MARTIN

(coming back to himself) This isn’t fair. You’re hot! People should be getting weepy over you!

TIM

And you’re hot and you write poetry! We should be the fucking office heartthrobs!

MARTIN

Fucking David.

TIM

Fuck that guy. Or don’t, actually.

[TIM GIGGLES]

MARTIN

What?

TIM

Your face is so red, Marty. (contemplative) Sash’s favorite color is red.

[DRUNKEN SILENCE]

MARTIN

(whispering) Hey. Hey, Tim.

TIM

Yeah?

MARTIN

Y’know what you should do?

TIM

What?

MARTIN

You should text her.

TIM

Nuh. No way.

MARTIN

You should!

TIM

Only if you text Jon.

MARTIN

No, no, Tim.

TIM

Yes! Where’s your phone? Gimme.

MARTIN

(whining) Tim, no, he’s my boss, Tim!

TIM

It doesn’t have to be weird! Either you write something and send it, or I do.

[MARTIN RECOILS IN HORROR]

MARTIN

Fine.

[INT. SASHA’S FLAT]

ARCHIVIST

(puzzled) I just got a text… from Martin.

SASHA

(with a mixture of surprise, anticipation, and amusement that can only come from suspecting something that Jon doesn’t) Oh? What does it say?

ARCHIVIST

It says, um, (spelling out the typos) “hpe ur date went well an no food poisonig”?

SASHA

(laughing) Sorry, what?

ARCHIVIST

I really don’t see—W-wait. (fast) When Prentiss had Martin’s phone, she kept talking about a stomach bug—do you think this is her again? Is he in danger?

SASHA

(suppressing laughter) I really don’t think it’s Prentiss.

ARCHIVIST

How can you be sure? We should probably go to the Institute, or at least call Elias, or—

SASHA

Martin’s fine, Jon. I just got a text from Tim about him.

ARCHIVIST

Oh! Well, that’s a relief.

SASHA

(giggling) Listen to this: (enunciating each word) “me n marty r soooo drunk i miss u an i thin ur lauh is pretty also lrgally u have 2 tell me if bossyboss is a good ksser ok byeeeee.” And then, five—no, six exclamation points.

ARCHIVIST

Good… kisser? (horrified) Wait, do Tim and Martin think we’re…

SASHA

(giggling) Apparently so.

ARCHIVIST

Should we—should we correct them?

SASHA

Well, yeah.

[BEAT]

SASHA (CONT’D)

(sly) On Monday, that is.

[INT. TIM’S FLAT]

MARTIN

He said, (reading off his phone) “This is highly unprofessional, but yes, Sasha and I are passing a—” Passing? Tim, they’re still…

TIM

(with a deep and heavy sadness completely at odds with the actual words) Damn. Get it, Sasha.

MARTIN

(continuing) “—a perfectly pleasant evening. It was kind of you to ask.” (despondent) Tim. I hate this.

[BEAT]

MARTIN

Tim?

TIM

(flat) I just got a text from Sasha.

MARTIN

(dreading the response) What’s it say?

TIM

See for yourself.

[THEY LOOK AT TIM’S PHONE IN SILENCE]

MARTIN

(quiet) I’ve… I’ve never seen Jon with his hair down before.

[MORE STARING]

TIM

They look fucking adorable.

[MORE STARING]

MARTIN

Jon looks so happy.

TIM

So does Sash.

[A LONG MOMENT OF CONTEMPLATION]

MARTIN

(inhale) (determined) You know what? (exhale) (forcing the words out) I’m… I’m glad they’re having a good time.

[A LONG SILENCE]

[TIM GROANS]

TIM

(glum) Yeah. Me too.

bonus:

[INT. SASHA’S FLAT]

SASHA

Aw, look at this.

[FABRIC RUSTLING AS JON SHUFFLES CLOSER]

ARCHIVIST

Is that…? Oh. Well, they certainly look alright. No worms, or… Michael.

SASHA

I’m just glad Martin has a place to crash tonight other than Document Storage.

ARCHIVIST

I mean, I can’t imagine that Tim’s couch will be that much better than the archives cot.

SASHA

(heh) Tim’s couch, right.

[BEAT]

ARCHIVIST

(surprised) You think…?

SASHA

That they’re sleeping together? I mean, I don’t know for certain, but Tim’s talked to me about Martin before, and…. well, let’s just say I “strongly suspect.”

[DEAD SILENCE. THE ARCHIVIST FEELS HE IS CLOSE TO AN EPIPHANY, BUT BATS IT AWAY. ALTHOUGH HE NEVER REACHES IT, THE GRIEF THAT WOULD ACCOMPANY SAID EPIPHANY IS STILL FELT ACUTELY]

ARCHIVIST

(flat) Oh.

#The Magnus Archives #tma #magnuspod #martim #jonmartin #martin blackwood #tim stoker #sasha james #jonathan sims #fic

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mushyjellybeans · 5 years

Text

Captivated 1 (Bucky Barnes)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x college!student!reader (Enemies to Lovers AU)

Summary: You’re studying to become a librarian, you love your life but you despise your brat of a roommate, and the feeling is mutual.

Warnings: Language, Bucky is a jerk, mentions of masturbation, Bucky gets lucky with a girl in his room, kinda smutty but sfw and a smidging of angst?

Word Count: 1,276

A/N: Ahhhh here is part 1/15 of my new WIP series!! It was given to me by @valkyriesryde and she’s been extremely helpful with her visions for this!! I hope I do this series some justice, thank you again babe for giving it to me <3 A/N #2: I just wanna make it clear that Bucky does not have his metal arm in this series.

Masterlist

Sitting snugly on your soft couch with your legs crisscrossed and your notepad resting on one of your legs, jotting down some ideas for your side hobby of fanfiction writing to do later. You had finished an assignment just an hour ago and now you couldn't wait to relax.

And you had to laugh at your luck. Your roommate was also home, sitting beside you slumped on his side of the couch, his left elbow resting on the arm of the couch and his legs swaying back and forth gazing at the TV in front of him and texting someone on his phone. He became bothersome and started flicking the pips from the apple he had just eaten at you, some getting caught in your hair.

"Would you stop that?!" You seethe, tossing a scrunched up piece of paper at your annoying roommate, the paper hitting him on the side of his head.

"Fuckin' make me ya useless shit." He spits back, deliberately swinging his arm so he could knock the pen out of your hand.

"You're the most incredibly irritating person on the fucking planet!" You spat back at him, leaning over to pick up your pen.

"Ditto babe." he taunted, swaggering over to the refrigerator. You scowled at the pet name opting to not give him the fulfillment of him provoking you as he does daily.

You had to have been the most unfortunate person in the world. You were stuck with having the notorious ladies man known as James 'Bucky' Barnes as your roommate in your two-bedroom apartment in Brooklyn.

You would have happily settled for anyone but Bucky, even a person who wouldn't stop chatting would be favorable.

You were a college student and you wanted to become a librarian, and though it seemed easy enough, having these diplomas would help find you work a lot quicker and easier than without. The assignments and other things you had to do was insane but you knew it would be worth it in the end when you secure employment.

Bucky, on the other hand, was kinda lazy and sort of searching for a job. He had no such luck but you were convinced he wasn't actively looking for a job. He was too comfortable in his daily routine; which was often lazing on the couch watching a reality TV show with his hands shoved down the front of his pants. Something you often caught him doing, and he had no shame, he would continue pleasuring himself in front of you, and it disgusted you since he would intentionally touch you in some way with the same hand.

As you probably guessed right now, you and Bucky did not get along. You detested each other. You had lost count how many arguments you had in a week, though your fights never turned physical, Bucky would never dream of hitting you physically, instead, he chose to hurt you mentally. You shouldn't be living together but neither of you was willing to move out.

"Who are ya writing about anyway? Some other poor bastard a fuckin' pathetic loser like you have no chance of getting?" Bucky snorted, pouring himself a drink on the kitchen island.

And this is what you meant with 'he chose to do it mentally', constantly reminding you of how worthless and useless you were to the world.

With a huff, you slammed your notebook shut and stood up. Flipping him off and going to your bedroom, before you shut your door you heard him bark out an obnoxious laugh, with a tut you slam the door harder than intended, shaking the doorframe slightly.

"Stop banging the fuckin' doors!" Bucky yells as you hear a glass of something being slammed down on a table in the living room.

Bucky slumped back down on the couch after you had left. A knock echoed through the apartment.

"She chose a fuckin' good time to leave." he murmured under his breath, swinging the door open and there stood Dolores.

"Hey there babe." he grinned, inviting her in for a warm hug. “Hey Bucky!” The lights bounced off her perfect white teeth. Bucky grinned, taking her hand in his and leading her to his bedroom. He had the perfect plan up his sleeve.

You chose to ignore the sounds in the living room and turned on your fairy lights that are dangling on the wall above your bed creating a warm cozy feeling, propping some cushions behind you and taking your phone off charge, dialing in your best friend's number. He picks up after a few rings.

"Hey, you!" He cheerfully says through the phone, a smile lighting up your dispirited mood.

"Hey, Sam! How's it going?" The two of you were close, like brother and sister. He understood your predicament with your roommate and he honestly never liked the guy either.

You and Sam would talk for hours, you're currently helping him get the girl of his dreams. He's been crushing on a girl in your class - Katherine - you think her name is, but Sam is shy and enlisted you to help him. It was a good distraction until you started hearing loud moans coming from Bucky's bedroom.

"Oh, fucking great." you cursed out loud, banging your head against your wooden headboard.

"What's wrong?" Sam asked, snapping out of his daydream of Katherine.

"My dumbass roommate is getting laid."

You hear Sam laugh through the phone. "Just put some headphones on with some music, you're gonna be alright Y/N!" Sam continues laughing, knowing full well you haven't had a boyfriend in forever.

You decide to take Sam's advice and hang up the phone. The moans getting louder and you believe Bucky is doing it on purpose. You also believe he's intentionally banging his bed against your wall to get a heated rise out of you.

With a groan you put your headphones on and shuffle your playlist, turning it up on full volume, but even with the headphones you could still hear every little thing that was happening on the other side. You groaned in frustration, ripping your headphones out and instead sandwiching yourself between your pillows.

Bucky’s plan worked perfectly. The walls were thin and he could hear your continous groans on the other side, it only encouraged him further, biting down on Dolores neck to make her scream out in ectasy.

The next morning was quiet as you walked out of your bedroom in your robe, noticing the lack of appearance from your roommate immediately. He isn't seated where he normally is at this time of the morning.

You did hear Dolores and Bucky leave the apartment late last night after their 3 hour-long bedroom activities but even so, he was always back the next morning, and no matter how much he hated you, he did always prepare your favorite cereals.

"Bucky?" You called out, silently hoping he wasn’t here but also hoping he was, listening intently to any sounds of the mysteriously vanished roommate.

Your phone started to buzz in your robe pocket, you pulled it out and looked at the unknown number suspiciously.

"Hello?"

"Oh hi, is this Y/N Y/L/N?" A woman's voice asked on the other end. The fact she said your full name made you on edge.

"Uhh yeah, this is she. Who is this?" You take a seat on the chair behind you.

"I'm doctor Romanoff and I have a James Barnes in my ward. You were his emergency contact. I'm afraid to inform you, Miss, that Mr. Barnes was involved in a minor road traffic accident. He has broken his left arm and a couple of his ribs is broken. If you are visiting him I would be happy to go over everything else with you too."

You were too shocked to speak. So many things said at once, why were you, the one person Bucky couldn't stand breathing the same air around, was his emergency contact?

"Miss? Hello?" Doctor Romanoff spoke on the other end.

You cleared your throat before speaking.

"Uhhh.." Just as you started to speak, you heard a blood-curdling scream in the background. Doctor Romanoff quickly excused herself and hung up.

The call ended and you stared out in front of you. It was no question you had to go and see him.

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goddessofeternity · 3 years

Text

Love Amidst the Darkness

Chapter 1: Budding Feelings and Future Responsibilities

“Princess! Princess! Please open the door!”

Althea covered her ears as she hid in the back stairwell of the palace behind the locked door. She had done it once again…embarrassed herself in front of a crowd of dignitaries. This had to be a reoccurring thing in her life, she was always so clumsy and not graceful at all. She was nothing like her mother. She could never be the perfect picture of elegance and grace. Oh, but she sure did try her hardest to be. She was frustrated with herself for being so clumsy. Her ladies in waiting were starting to get on her nerves. It was bad enough she had embarrassed herself, but the glances she received from the ladies made her feel worse. It seemed as though everyone expected more from her...and she wasn’t doing enough to meet their expectations.

“Go away! I wish to be alone!” She yelled in anger, tears running down her face.

“This is impossible….she won’t come out,” one of the maids sighed. The ball was still going on and people were starting to wonder if the princess was going to come back. If they couldn’t bring her back…then the king and queen would be very upset with them. And they wouldn’t want to incur their wrath.

“Is she giving you trouble?”

The ladies jumped at the sound of the voice and turned to see their queen standing behind them. They all dropped into deep curtsies as she gazed at them. She was smiling at them, not angry in the slightest, although she had an expression of slight worry and concern on her face.

“N-No My Lady…I-I mean yes she’s hiding in the stairwell and she won’t come out.”

“Hmm…I shall speak with her.” The ladies step aside as the queen steps in front of the door and knocks.

“Go away! I don’t want to talk to anyone!”

“Not even your own mother?”

A hushed silence fell behind the door. A moment later Althea peeked out the door and looked at her mother. She didn’t look upset at all as she smiled at Althea. She sighed and moved aside to let her mother in. Althea sat down on the steps as her mother sits beside her.

“Mother…I…I have made a fool of myself once again and embarrassed you and father.”

“My princess you did no such thing,” the Queen laughs. “Lord Derrick isn’t upset with you…no one is my daughter.”

“Sometimes…I wish I could be just like you mother…so regal and beautiful,” Althea sighed. “I wish I wouldn’t trip over my own two feet.” Hestia smiled and holds her daughter's face in her hands and shakes her head.

“Althea, my sweet, beautiful daughter…I want you to be your own person. I want you just to be yourself…never change…ever.”

“Y-Yes Mother.”

“Now come and rejoin the ball…I know how much you love to dance.”

Althea smiles and walks out the stairwell with her mother down toward the ball. Her mother always knew how to make her feel better, to always encourage her to be herself. As they got closer to the ballroom, the sounds of music and laughter of the people made her feel a little better. Although, she felt a bit antsy getting closer. Her mother nodded at the two knights standing near the closed doors and they opened it for their queen and princess. As they entered the room, it suddenly became quiet as they entered. Althea could feel her face become red at the glances she was getting from the people. She looked down at the floor as she followed behind her mother, only looking up to see her father sitting at his throne. Sensing his daughter's glance, the king looked over at her and gave her a warm smile. Althea felt a bit better seeing her father not angry with her. Not that he was ever angry at her, but still.

“Father,” Althea curtsied at him.

“Althea…I was beginning to think your mother wouldn’t be able to convince you to come back.” He chuckles and smiles at his queen. She in turn rolls her eyes and smiles back at him.

“Yes because you could have done a better job my king?”

“Why of course my queen.”

Althea smiled at her parents playful banter and can’t help but think if she’ll ever get to experience such love in her life. The thought made her daydream not noticing Lord Derrick walking up behind her.

“Ahem, Excuse me Your Majesties.” Althea jumped away startled and her parent’s chuckled.

“Ah Lord Derrick…perfect timing…I believe my daughter has something she wishes to say,” the king says pushing Althea forward. Althea looks at her hands and goes red.

“Ah um….L-Lord Derrick…I-I deeply apologize for dropping my drink on your robes…i-it was an accident.” Althea curtsied at him. Lord Derrick smiled and laughs.

“Think nothing of it Your Highness…everyone makes mistakes, even a princess.”

“See princess…all is well. Now go and enjoy the rest of the night,” the queen tells her. Althea released a breath of relief and walks onto the ballroom floor to dance. The queen and king sat at their thrones, and smile at their beautiful princess dancing around the ballroom. The king looked at his wife and sighed.

“You haven’t talked to her about it yet have you?” He asks, holding onto her hand. The queen also sighs and holds his hand tighter.

“No I haven’t…I want her to enjoy herself a bit longer,” she looks at him. “I just have a feeling she’s going to be upset about it.”

“Yeah she will, but it’s for the benefit of the kingdom.”

“Yes, yes it is. I…will speak to her after the ball.”

♛

Althea huffed as she stared into her vanity mirror as her handmaiden and closest friend brushed her hair. The rest of the ball had gone well…despite her clumsiness. Her parents seemed to be having an important conversation when she had walked away from them. Probably important things for the kingdom. Althea huffed again glad that she didn’t have to worry about running the kingdom for quite some time.

“Is something wrong princess?”

Althea pouted and looked up at the woman’s reflection in the mirror brushing her hair. The woman in turn smiled at her.

“I’m fine Marina, just thinking about what my parents could have been talking about. I also said you could call me by my name.”

“Of course Althea.”

Althea felt her mind wander and leaned her head on her hands. She glanced back at Marina and smiled. Marina had always been a great source of advice for her. Marina was a few years older than her, but Althea always felt close to her. She didn’t treat her like a princess at times, but just like a regular person. Althea really appreciated it too. As she gazed at her, Althea couldn’t help but take in her beautiful features. Her full pink lips, her soft looking skin and bright blue eyes, which look as if the sky itself were trapped in them. Also her red hair that was soft to the touch reaching the small of her back. Althea couldn’t help but think Marina was just so beautiful. Althea felt her cheeks get hot as she looked at Marina’s reflection. It was an odd feeling for her, a new one even. Lately she felt her heart speed up whenever she was around Marina. Her stomach felt as if she had butterflies. Her mother often told her it was how she felt when she fell in love with her father.

Wait? Love? It wasn’t possible for her to be in love with Marina. She couldn’t fall in love with...with a woman. It was insane, ridiculous, stupid, absolutely imposs-

Marina looked back at Althea through the mirror's reflection and smiled at Althea so beautifully, Althea felt her entire body react. Althea jumped a bit, knocking the brush out of Marina’s hand and sending it tumbling to the floor. As Marina bent down to grab it, Althea looked back at her red reflection in the mirror. What was she just feeling right now? Sure Marina was beautiful, but…the thoughts that just ran through her head were just…they were just thoughts….right? It’s…not like she was attracted to her. Then again…it’s not like Althea was around any boys her age, just the knights around the palace. They were much older though and she barely was around them either. She had never even been in love before. Was…was she attracted to women or something? Or…maybe it was just Marina? Either way…it wouldn’t matter; it was just a fleeting feeling . Althea couldn’t help but wonder about it more as she failed to hear her name being called several times.

“Princess, Princess!” Althea turned around and saw her mother standing next to Marina. Althea blushed and quickly stood up to greet her mother. Marina shakes her head and smiles. She curtsies to the queen and Althea and leaves out of the room. The queen sits on Althea’s bed and pats the bed next to her. Althea fixes her nightgown and sits beside her mother.

“My princess, I must speak to you about something very important,” the queen says very seriously. “It’s about you and the future of our kingdom.” Just hearing her mother talk like that made Althea very nervous. Her heart started beating incredibly fast. If this was about the future of the kingdom…then she had to listen and be ready for whatever it was.

“Althea…your sixteenth birthday will soon be here next year,” the queen begins. “And during your birthday ball, the many lords and ladies from all over the kingdom will be there to attend.”

“Of course mother, I know that.” Queen Hestia holds up her hand and gives her a stern look and Althea quickly shuts her mouth.

“There will not only be the people of our kingdom there, but also other royals. My daughter…your father and I have neglected to tell you something important about your birthday ball. I have no doubt it will make you upset.”

Hearing her mother say that only made her more nervous and scared. Althea nervously twiddled her fingers and took a deep breath. Her mother and father had been keeping something from her, she didn’t know if she felt hurt or not.

“Althea…on your birthday…you will meet your fiancé.”

And then…Althea felt her heart stop. Her fiancé? So…her parents had an arranged marriage for her? She was going to marry someone she had never met before. And was expected to marry this person. Her dreams of finding love and happiness had all but shattered at her mother’s words. Her fairy tale image of happiness, love and marriage just disappeared. The hurt in her heart was intense and painful; she couldn’t even look her mother in the eyes anymore. Seeing the look in her young daughter's eyes the queen reached out and brushed her hair behind her ear.

“I’m so sorry for not telling you sooner my princess,” the queen says softly. “Your father and I just weren’t sure how to tell you. We just want the very best for you my daughter. Even if this isn’t what you had imagined for yourself. This isn’t something we wanted either, but the council has spoken about it for quite some time. It's…for the kingdom my daughter.”

Althea just sighed deeply and crawled under her blankets and buried her face in the pillows. Her mother sadly looked at her and stood from the bed. She lightly touched her daughter's head and kissed her soft hair.

“Think about it…goodnight princess.”

As her mother blew out the candle next to her bed and closed the door, Althea could think of nothing to stop the tears from running down her cheeks. The sadness in her heart was too much to bear. All she could do was just go to sleep and hope and pray that it was all a horrible horrible dream. This was all a nightmare she thought as she drifted off to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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#My writing #writing #Althea #King Kyros #Queen Hestia #Marina #royalty #ball #royal family

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mickmarstookmyheart · 4 years

Text

Not that Old

Pairing: Chubby!Reader X Mick Mars

Requested on Wattpad

Remember that requests for Mick are open!

(babies, just look at them)

You were just dreaming of your favorite band of all time when you heard a knock on your door. You groaned and managed to sit on the edge of the bed when you heard another knock this time a bit louder.

"Be there! Fuck." You walked to the door and opened it.

"(Y/N)!!!" One of your best friends, Hanna, yelled making you deaf. She hugged you tight and walked into your apartment.

"Sorry about her. You know how is she with birthdays." Amanda sighed glancing at you. "Happy birthday, (Y/N)!"

"Thank you, Amanda! To be honest, I didn't even remember it when I woke up." You giggled closing the door and letting your calmer bestie in the house. Hanna was already decorating your small living room.

"So where we are going to tonight?" Hanna asked eagerly still bothering with a 'Happy Birthday Girl' paper decoration.

"Can't we just stay here and have a girls' night or something?" Parties and clubs weren't your things. You loved listening to rock music, but your friends weren't fond of it.

"No, (Y/N)! You need to go to a real party sometime! Anyway, we already know where we are going, I just wanted to pretend if I was polite." She laughed heading to your bedroom and gesturing to follow her. You and Amanda shared a look and made your ways towards your bedroom.

"Don't worry, you will love it." Amanda took your hand and squeezed it and gave you an encouraging smile. This made you a bit relieved. She was a truly honest person and she knew your taste in almost everything...even if it was about boys. When you entered the room, Hanna was already throwing clothes out from your closet.

"Hey, what are you doing?"

"Just choosing the perfect dress for the night."

"Why can't I decide what to wear?"

"Cause you would choose a boring black trouser with a band merch which you always wear!"

"And what's your problem with that?" You asked adjusting your large wireframe glasses on the top of your nose. The blood froze in your veins when Hanna was holding a tight black dress in her hands smiling.

"Hanna, I don't think (Y/N) would be happy in that. Remember that she needs to be happy on her birthday." Amanda said in a calm tone. She always got your back. You loved both of them but Amanda understood you better. Hanna put the dress back while making a face and started searching again.

"Then, there is nothing here!" She pouted. "Wait, I think there is hope!" She grabbed your black leather pants and showed it to you. You had a mix of emotions for that piece of clothing. You would kill for pants like that but you didn't have the guts to wear it.

"Umm, I don't know." You rubbed the back of your head.

"(Y/N), it's perfect, believe me!" Amanda said admiring your pants. "Go put it on."

You still hesitated.

"You heard Amanda. If she says it's perfect then it's hella perfect!" Hanna handed the pants and a black shirt to you and sat down on your bed while you went to your bathroom to change. "Maybe, these leather pants aren't that bad." You thought when you saw yourself in the mirror adjusting it.

∆

"Come on, (Y/N), we are almost there!" Hanna was already a bit tipsy. She was dragging you towards the surprise place.

"You know I don't like surprises!" You yelled.

"You will like this one, just trust me!" Hanna added. When you turned at the corner you gulped. No, this can't be. You felt the excitement of recognizing the area. From a hundred meters you could see the familiar place. There was already a huge crowd in front of the club queueing in a line.

"No way! I can't believe you brought me here!" You cheered, the brightest smile on your face.

"We told you you will love it." Amanda pushed you playfully by the shoulder. "And have you seen who will play tonight?" You took a glance. Your mouth dropped when you saw the name. The name of the band which was now your life. Mötley Crüe.

"Omg!" You cursed. "I can't believe you managed to arrange this!"

"Anything for you, (Y/N)! You deserve it!" Amanda said with a smile.

"And the rest is just in the corner," Hanna added with a devilish smile on her face.

When you were finally in the facility you headed towards the bar to get some booze.

"We are okay here." You said gripping your bottle.

"Are you kidding, right? I can't even see the stage from here, then how I supposed to see that bass player's beautiful face?" Hanna pouted pulling your hand towards the first rows.

"At least can I choose the side?"

"Sure, why not?"

"Then, I will stay here, on this side.." You announced.

"That old man's side?" Hanna asked.

"Don't dare to call him old! And yes, I will stay here and watch him play those badass riffs of his." Hanna's answer was a shrug.

When Nikki and the others stood on the stage the whole crowd screamed and cheered for the band. When Mick came up on the stage, you froze. He was dressed in black, even his guitar was black except for those yellow stamps on it. His raven hair slightly flew in the air during those guitar solos and riffs. There were moments when you felt he was right staring at you, but you were sure he was looking at someone else. Why would he look at you, anyway?

∆

"Wow, (Y/N), you need to bring us more to this band's concert! Why haven't you tell about them yet?" Hanna asked still under the effect of the concert and the whole show.

"I have already told you, you just didn't listen as usual." You murmured sipping from your beer. "Which song did you like the most?"

"Hmmm, I can't remember any title but those beautiful eyes being the puff of hair of the bass player." If it was possible, Hanna would've had hearts instead of eyes.

"You didn't disappoint me." You muttered.

"I quite liked Starry Eyes, Take me to the Top and Live Wire," Amanda added remembering back to those songs. "And those riffs were truly extremely good."

"Indeed they were." You were happy that someone also paid attention to the songs and not just the boys' appearance.

"If you had the chance whom would you kiss?" Hanna asked while you almost choked on your drink.

"Hanna, you passed a line." Amanda snapped.

"What? It was just a harmless question!"

"Well, it's not gonna even happen...so I would kiss Tommy," Amanda added imagining kissing the drummer.

"I thought you would choose the singer."

"I'm not into blondies. Okay, so Hanna has already made us clear she would choose Nikki, what about you, (Y/N)."

You hesitated. They already thought that Mick was an old man, while he looked sweet and caring. And his eyes. Damn.

"(Y/N)!" Hanna's yell brought you back to reality from your daydream.

"Sorry. Well, I think Mick." You admitted.

"Really?" Hanna raised one of her eyebrows.

"Hey, he looks good, too and you know (Y/N) is into creepy, weird guys!" Amanda said. You didn't know if you should thank her or just hit her in the arm for that last statement.

∆

After the concert, you and your friends were just sitting at some tables. Some guys tried to join in but Hanna always rejected saying you have other plans for the night. You didn't like surprises and Hanna had crazy ideas sometimes.

"Are you ready?" Amanda asked looking at you. Due to the amount of alcohol she started to act like Hanna which you didn't like. Who will stop Hanna from doing senseless actions?

"To go home?" You had high hopes.

"No, you silly. For your birthday present." Amanda giggled taking your hand and helping you get up from your seat.

"I don't know. I'm not so sure." You bit down your lip waiting for the disaster. When you walked beside the stage you stop in front of the backstage door. A giant guard stood there who was twice as tall as you.

"Um, hello, sir. I...we have the arrangement to get backstage. I have talked to Doc...Doc McGhee and he said yes. To us..meet the boys." Hanna was a bit tipsy now. The guard still didn't move.

"Okay, listen here you giant. This girl right here celebrates her birthday today so don't ruin it. She fucking deserves to meet those guys there inside." Hanna crossed her arms and sent death glares at the guard. His answer was just a growl and a stare.

"It's okay, Hanna. We have already seen the guys. It's not necessary to get ourselves killed by some big guy." You said holding back your friend.

"Hey, Chuck, let them in. They look harmless and we could use a company." Vince appeared and gazed at all of you. The guard, Chuck opened the door and let you in.

"Thank you. It was kind of you." Amanda said.

"I heard that one of you have a birthday today so I thought why not? Anyway, I'm Vince." He smirked and guided to the room where the others were.

"I'm Amanda, she is Hanna and the birthday girl is (Y/N)." She introduced all of you.

"Happy birthday, (Y/N)!" Vince turned back for a moment and gave you a big smile. You were just looking down and adjust your glasses.

"Thank you." You said shyly.

"Hey, Everyone, I brought some company!" Vince yelled as soon as you arrived in the room. Nikki, Tommy immediately looked up and smirked looking over you and your friends. You were looking over Mick who was drinking and he also slowly lift his head. When he looked into your eyes you felt your face burn and your heart race.

"That girl has a birthday today so let's have a big party!" Vince said pointing at you.

∆

Well, not the best birthday present you had. The girl ditched you, Amanda was flirting with Tommy and Hanna sitting close to Nikki. She whispered something in his ear which made him smirk. Vince was busy with his blond girlfriend and Mick was away. He said he had something to do and left an hour ago. You were sitting in the corner of the room on the couch and was looking everywhere but your 'friends'. Cool friends. You were jealous how easily they could flirt with boys but it was so much easier for them. They were skinny and had a model look.

"Have I missed the party?" Mick stood down beside making you jump. You didn't notice him returning. "Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

"Nah, it's okay." You tensed but tried to breathe properly. "And don't worry, you didn't miss anything."

"I see. Well, I brought some beers for you and a little surprise." Mick said searching in the paper bag he brought with himself. You gulped. Did Mick bring you a surprise?

"Oh, you didn't have to." You said shyly.

"I did. You have a birthday and there is no birthday without some candy, is it?" He gave you a little smile. He put a little cupcake on the table and a candle. He lights the candle and handed it to you. You felt tears in your eyes from happiness. You took the cupcake in your shaking hand and blew it after wishing.

∆

"So they are your friends?" Mick asked after you and he was the only one who was in the room.

"Yeah."

"Are you mad at them? Because I can help you revenge if you want. Ditching you like this for those idiots was quite rude if you ask me. Especially, on your birthday." Mick said gazing at you.

"They aren't that bad. They brought me here after all and they can be kind, too. They come here just for me." You played with the package of the cupcake. "They aren't into this kind of music." You sighed.

"And what about you? Did you like the concert?"

"Definitely! It was awesome! I have already been to one of your concerts, but this was the best one so far! You become better and better, guys." Fangirling took all over on you again and you realized it. "Sorry, if I talk too much."

"Hey, I asked you so feel free. You know, I'm not the talkative one." He chuckled and rubbed the back of his head. You almost melted from that smile and can't help but smiled, too.

"Thank you for keeping me company. And for the cake."

"It's nothing. You are kind and you deserved it. Moreover, your music taste is pretty good." He added making you giggle. He liked making you laugh. He adored your beautiful eyes behind your adorable glasses and your personality. He knew he wasn't able to know you fully during this short time but he wanted to. "Umm, (Y/N), would you like to meet again?"

You felt the blood froze in your veins and the smile immediately faded.

"I'm sorry?" You were sure you just misunderstood it.

"I would like to know you better. And you to have someone you can rely on and have a talk whenever you want cause your 'friends' clearly aren't capable of that." He was angry. You were speechless. You were in shock. "They don't deserve you."

"I don't really know what to say." You loved your friends, though they can be a pain in the ass sometimes. And why don't be friends with your favorite musician? It would be a dream. "I would like to know you better, too, Mick. You seem kind and generous. And you look good, too." It wasn't your intention to confess. Damn, that beer.

"Why would you say that? I'm an old man." He scoffed flinching.

"Have you seen me?" You snapped. It wasn't fair what he was thinking. He wasn't that old and he was so much prettier than the other boys.

"You are young. And far more beautiful than me."

"You are not old, Mick. Yes, the boys are younger than you but that doesn't you are old. And believe me, you are handsome." Your face was now crimson red and it was burning.

"Then you have to believe that you are gorgeous, too. Being skinny doesn't mean beauty. Everyone is beautiful in their way. And if other men don't realize it, then they are blind."

You smiled at him and still couldn't believe those things Mick has just said. In the morning you were just staring at him on the poster in your room now you were face-to-face and was complimenting each other. That's what you call improvement!

"This might sound weird but can I hug you?" You asked worryingly.

"Of course!" He leaned closer and hugged you tightly. You put your chin on his shoulder and filled your lungs with his scent.

"Thank you so much. For everything."

"Me, too, (Y/N). Me, too."

Tags: @leatherandheels @littlemisscare-all @karrotkate ❤️

#motley crue #nikki sixx #rocknroll #glam rock #tommy lee #vince neil #80srock #mick mars #80s music #mick mars x reader #mick mars imagine #motley crue x reader #motley crue imagine

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harleenfleck · 4 years

Text

Don’t forget me (Part. 4 and finale)

Arthur Fleck/Joker x Reader fic

Summary: After your reunion with Arthur, you feel the luckiest and happiest person on earth, you will believe that things cannot be better and you are just waiting for the day when Joker comes for you and takes you with him. However, things don't go as you both planned.

Warnings: Angst, description of violence, language, little bit of fluff

NSFW Warnings (FINALLY): Smut, unprotected sex

Words: 6.6k

Part one here <3, Part two here <3, Part three here <3

A/N: Well folks, this is the finale part of this fanfic that was born from my heart 🥺I hope you liked these series 💖 well, I wanna say some things, I looked for a lot of references about how to do sex scenes (On Tumblr with that naughty blogs it was pretty easy HAHAHA), and recently around here I saw an image of a long-haired boy carrying a girl, and just you could see the boy's back, we all went crazy with that image because the boy looked too much like our Arthur, so that image inspired me a lot to do a scene like this 🤭 I’m inspired a LOT of songs too, Inspired in “Haunted” & “Gingerbread man” by Melanie Martinez and “Sad Girl” & “Love” by Lana del Rey (Lana it’s my eternal muse ) also if you remember the previous part, Arthur mentions a lot about a necklace that he wants to give to the reader, so this is the necklace (And of course, I’m gonna buy it) and well, I hope that Tumblr no longer caused me more problems like the previous part. Well, to finish this A/N I’m sorry if I make some grammatical, spelling or writing mistakes, English is not my native language. Enjoy this final part! :3 I hope you like it and thank you for read me! <3

...

Your life had become happier those last days. There was a splendid shine in your eyes, people could see the happiness as you walked the streets of Gotham, and when you were alone in your apartment, you put some music and danced all over the room, imagine your partner of dance on your side, dancing with you.

Of course, you were so happy, because the boy you love had come back to you, and he'll do it again. It was only a matter of time before you got back in his arms, and you kissed those lips again, whether were covered in clown-paint or not.

In your work, you ate a little sweet cupcake, thinking impatiently about his return. Once again, another delivery man arrived with another bouquet of lilies. Your heart melted like frosting when you saw those flowers reach you. You took the bouquet with great affection, but your eyes noticed a small note. You took it between your fingers and read it.

"Do you think it's too early to say we'll be together soon? I don't know, but I can't wait. Wait for me soon. J"

“J?” Celeste was behind you reading the card too “Who’s J? It’s your secret admirer, Y/N?”

“Maybe” You said it with a smile. Celeste get enthusiastic again.

“Oh! Think in all boys you know who name starts with J! Jonathan, John, maybe Jack”

You giggled with Celeste's words, you don’t know any boy who his name starts with J, just only one. You wondered what her face would look like if you told her what your secret admirer's real name was. Maybe you'd give the poor woman a heart attack. “The true is you look so happy Y/N, I’m really wondering who’s gonna be that boy, have he dared to come out of anonymity?” Your chance to scare her appeared, but you had a lot of appreciation for your boss, you decided to give her a pious little lie "No, not yet, but I'm waiting for him to do it”

“Well, almost it’s a word, J… Well, back to work” Celeste entered again to the kitchen while you stay in the corner again. Before you notice him, Peter was in front of you, seeing you, his gaze was making you uncomfortable. It would be amazing if Arthur arrived at that moment and made his original plan. Suddenly, you began to daydreaming, with him coming to you, with another bouquet of flowers and the necklace that he was so enthusiastic to give you. You'll run to him to kiss him passionately, in the middle of all the sweets and desserts around.

“Ok, my little princess, you catch me”

“Huh?” Peter interrupted your daydreaming; you didn't understand what he meant “What you said?”

“You catch me Y/N, I can’t stay hide anymore. I am your secret admirer”

“What?!” Your face must look so confused you when you heard the words of Peter, but what the fuck was that idiot saying? You can’t help thought it. That was a very bad joke, and it was a joke, where the fun is?

“I’m the guy who send you all that flowers”

“Oh… I see… Peter, why you say that bullshit?” Peter stunned; it was the first time you said rudeness to him “My secret admirer… He's definitely not you, I know he's someone else. And I’ve told you many times I’m not interested in you. Please don't do that again."

“Oh, c’mon Y/N, you really know who is he? And why he doesn’t appear? What are he waiting for? He’s afraid? If I were him, I wouldn’t hide of you, I wouldn’t be a coward like that idiot, you know what Y/N? Why you don’t forget him and come with me tonight? For a drink, what you say? I know a nice place where… “

You can’t believe what Peter said it to you. His words made you angry, how he dared to offend the man you love? How he dared even compare himself to him? He would definitely never be like Arthur, not even like Joker. Totally mad, beating the corner with your fist, made his mouth shut up. Peter looked at you little afraid, like some else replaced you, some else were in your place.

“Watch your mouth Peter, be careful with your worlds, with you talking to me”

“Y-Y/N? Princess?” He asked full of fear.

“First, stop call me princess, I’m not your princess. Second, you think you know me; you think you know what I want, but you don't know nothing about me. Nothing. And by the way, he’s not a coward, my fucking god, you haven’t seen my man to say those shit about him. If only you saw it in person, I’m pretty sure he would terrify you”

“W-W-W-What the fuck Y/N?” More feared and confused, Peter was petrified with your words.

“I told it, and please, stop bothering me, or I’ll call my boyfriend to teach you to respect what’s not yours”

“O-O-Ok, ok, I don’t know he was already your b-boyfriend. I’m sorry Y/N, I’ll not bother you again… I’ll with Celeste I-if you need s-something”

And before you knew it, Peter ran out of your sight into the kitchen, almost running, you really intimidated him, but you were sick of him and his absurd flirtations. Your heart belonged only to one person in the world, and graciously, you hoping Peter suspect too who your "Boyfriend" was. You smiled, referring to Arthur as your boyfriend, he already was, wasn't it?

A customer walked into the store, with that smile provoked by Arthur, you raised your gaze to the customer. But the look of that client gave you a bad feeling. He looked like someone dangerous. The smile disappeared. That man was observing around the store, looking for something, you thought he was going to rob at any moment, but what he could steal besides money, cakes and cookies?

The guy set his gaze on your lilies, then his gaze turned to where you stayed. You tried to give him a kind smile and a welcome like all the customers, but this time you felt very bad. “Hello, can I help you?” you asked to him. The guy doesn’t say nothing, only seeing you with an intimidating stare. You thought in any moment he was going to pull out a gun and point it at your head. He looked you for almost a minute. Definitive he was a bad guy. Getting nervous, you only waiting the moment when he leaves the shop.

Looking at you once more, finally he leaves the place, and your back to breathe again.

“Y/N! Y/N! Are you okay?!” Celeste and Peter run to you “We looked that guy, we thought he was assaulting the place, are you okay darling?” Celeste took you for the shoulders and hugged you.

“I’m fine, thank you Celeste, I thought the same" You trembled a little, you were really scared of what had happened. You didn't want to live something similar again in your life. You even came to think if Joker could take care of the guys like that, only if they bothered you again.

“I hope that jerk won’t back again” Peter took a look out the street, but the strange guy was already gone “That guy is one of the savages who keep rotten this poor city. If he will back, I’m gonna punch his face”

“No Peter! Probably that guy had a gun, don’t you dare do something like that!” Celeste reproached to Peter. You stopped listening to them, you could only feel helpless. Could you tell Arthur what happened that day?

…

You came out of your work with mixed emotions. You wanted to have the same joy you felt in the morning, but so many things were going on in your mind at high speed. First, Peter's immaturity for not accepting the fact you were not in love with him, and then that stranger who had perhaps studied the cake shop to assault it in the next few days. Celeste, worried about you and what might happen, decided to close the bakery for a few days, hoping that, if they were planning an assault, the bakery would no longer be an option for them.

You were walking worried, watching your back, the bouquet of lilies held it tightly in your hand, you were making yourself the idea that you had to pull those flowers in case something went wrong. Before you knew it, you got to that dark street you hated having to cross to get home. Looked everywhere and cursed that the street lighting was failing, you took your bouquet and walked faster. You didn't know if it was your instinct or your paranoia, but if was the second thing, it was right. You turned back, and you realized two guys started following you. You increased the speed of your steps, the problem? They did too.

“She is, it’s the girl of the bakery, the girl with the flowers”

Your ears sensed the conversation of the guys and realized he was the same bad guy who'd gone into the bakery. No, they weren't studying the store to rob it, they were looking for you, you became their target. With pain in your heart, you dropped the bouquet of lilies and started running for your life. The men started running too, they weren't going to let go the prey so easy that night.

It didn't matter if some car could get over you or if you ended up on the other side of the city, you didn't want to be a crime victim, and to know what they wanted to do with you, all you knew was that they will do bad things and that if they caught you, maybe you'd end up in a dumpster. You ran down a lot of blocks, looking for help, but nothing that could save you, to your bad luck, the streets were empty, and the few people there were had no interest in saving the life of a girl in danger.

They caught you and took you by the arms. You yelled "Fire!" like you were once taught at school when you were in danger, but your screams were quieted when one of they hit your face. "Shut the fuck up!" he put a huge knife in your face as they dragged you into an alley. You were paralyzed for a few seconds, but you couldn't let them get away with it. You struggled again and managed to free yourself, not without first kicking one of them in the balls. Freeing you, ran again and this time you lost them. But you knew that kind of men wouldn't rest until hurt you.

You decided to cross an avenue, no matter if that was a risky thing, you just wanted to get out of there safe. The moment you ran on the asphalt, you were illuminated by the lights of a car, it what was missing, being hit by a car. You fell backwards and fortunately the car stopped before hit you. Started with the horn as you got up and ran again. “Hey! Hey!” You heard a yell of the car but you ignored it, you turned back and looked at the person inside the car getting out and it looked like it was coming for you too. Are you fucking kidding me?!, You thought when you still running for your life. In your desperation, you tried to hide in an alley, but it was a dead end.

“Wait! Hey wait!” That person finally caught you and you screamed full of terror “Y/N calm down! It’s me!” And you felt ridiculous for not recognizing that voice before. You looked into his face and all of a sudden, you felt protected. Joker was here “What happened Y/N?! Are you okay?!” You hugged him, you didn't want to be unprotected, to be helpless, you embraced him so tightly, as if he decided to leave you alone at any time, even you knew he wasn't going to do it. You cried heartbrokenly on his shoulder, while he gently stroked your hair and comforted you “Shhh, shhh, it’s okay Y/N, you’re with me, nothing gonna hurt you anymore” His voice calms your fears, feeling in home.

“Arthur…” in sobs, you said his name.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, I’m here Y/N, I’m here…”

You kept crying, but slowly the feeling was calming down. You looked his face, making sure it was him. Yes, it was him, it was Arthur, it was right there next to you. "Arthur, how... How you know it?"

"That's not important, tell me what happened, please" Passed a finger down your cheek, cleaning your wet and salty face.

“T-those were some men who wanted to hurt me. O-One of them went to the bakery today and I thought he was going to rob the place, but he was looking at me. A c-couple of streets before, I-I had been caught for they, but I can-“

“What? They hurt you Y/N?! They touch you?!”

“W-well, a little… In my face, and they threatened me with a knife… I, I..." As soon as you remembered that, you wanted to cry again. Joker took your face and noticed the blow under the eye. He hugged you back much harder, feeling guilty for not protected you before.

“Hey! I can hear the bitch in the alley!” you heard the voice of those men who wanted to hurt you in the distance, Joker only hugged you more tightly, and you noticed that his body became rigid. You heard those men's footsteps go into the alley and how they stopped instantly. They realized were already dead men, as found the girl who they wanted to injury and damaged in the arms of the Clown Prince of Crime.

“…Fuck…”

Joker looked at them frighteningly as he kept hugging you.

“Baby, listen me, I don’t want you get hurt in this, go back, protect yourself and don’t look”

“Okay…” You said in a brittle low voice, and before you do what Joker asked you to do, he took your face and planted a kiss on your forehead, all while still seeing those bad guys. While you hidden of the scene, Joker started his show.

"Good night gentlemen, it seems to me that we had seen before, you know, in previous businesses, and it seems to be that this will be a second meeting not so friendly … May I ask you two something?" The guys didn't answer, they just lowered their heads "What you planning do to my wife?"

You were trying not to listen to the conversation because any moment could become dangerous, but you couldn't help hear those words that came out of Joker's mouth, the way he referred to you, and those feelings in your stomach.

“Y-Your wife?! You have a wife?!”

“Yeah, that beautiful girl it’s mine, and you, fucking bastards, you trie-“

“We don’t know she was yours! We never see her by your side before! We wouldn’t have done anything to her if we’d know she was your wife!”

Bad decision of them of interrupting Joker, very bad idea.

"Do you think I'm an idiot to risk my lovely girl to an environment like my job? I would never put her in danger, just because of this" He took the gun out of his pockets, the guys tried to defend themselves, but they knew it was useless "For fuckers like you who think they have the right to bother her, to hit her and to try to hurt her!”

“Sorry J! We really don’t had idea-“

“No, you don’t have idea, you were really don’t had idea, bastards, and you don’t have idea of the consequences of messing with what belongs to me!”

The gunshots were heard all over the alley until his gun was unloaded. Of course, you screamed scared, you hated having to go through situations like that. A few steps you heard until Joker came to you, kneeling quickly “Y/N, are you alright?” You looked at him and you didn't say anything. You just hugged him one more time. "Let's get out of here, but first" Joker cover your eyes with his hand "I don't want you to see my mess." Very carefully, he took you out of the alley until there was no danger. You walked to where his black car was, opened the co-pilot's door for you, and as he got in his car, you were trying to think about everything that had happened. Joker got in the car.

“A-Arthur?”

“Yes Y/N?”

And then, you pounced on him, kissing him hard. He didn't expect you, but he received you anyway, surrounding you with his arms, making you come closer to him. You and he showed in that kiss how much both missed each other

“Thank you, Arthur… Thank you for save me”

“It was the least I could do for you, my love. Let’s go home Y/N”

Sitting in your place again, he turned on the car and started driving, you looked back, and you noticed there was a bouquet of lilies in the back seats. "Again our plans were ruined?" You asked him smiling. Arthur laughed a little with the personal joke between you two.

"No... That bouquet I found on the street. I saw and I realized that was one of those send you" You saw the bouquet again and I told you that some flowers were stained with mud "I knew something bad was happening, and I drove around like crazy, looking you until I found you".

"Oh... I'm so glad you found me again... Hey Arthur…”

“Yes Y/N?”

“I… I know you tell me I don’t hear about, you know, what happened with that two guys, but…”

“I’m sorry if I scared you”

“No, I’m fine Arthur I just… Why you said I’m your wife?” You asked full of curiosity and in a good way, Arthur laughed at your question.

"I must have really scared them or the threat wouldn't have worked. Besides, it's possible in my future plans I want you to be. Of course, if you want it"

You raised your eyebrows when Arthur said that "Wait, is this a marriage proposal or something?"

“Not exactly that, I just plan for the future "

“Well, keep planning” Arthur gave you a gaze full of love and confidentiality, you just smiled at his cute face. “Arthur? Where we go?”

“I told you darling, we go home”

.…

Got to the place where Arthur used to hide, or, rather, where he now lived. It was in a building that apparently looked abandoned, yet he was being watched by his men. Some wore clown masks, others similar makeup to what Joker wore. “So… This is your home”

“Yeah”

“Wow… It’s elegant”

Joker laughed with your words "Just a little" go into the place, got out of the car, and he grabbed you by back with his arm. Some clowns looked you in the distance, being surprised, never imagined seeing their boss accompanied by a woman. Both come into the building and you looked carefully. Was an elegant place, very decorated, Joker had a good taste and knew how to hide all that from Gotham's gaze. He offered you to sit down, and that's what you did. At the end of the day, you were finally by his side. But that couldn't leave you calm. A lot of things happened that day, you didn't realize the magnitude of the problem you could get into. You barely realized you could have died.

You noticed that he walked away from you, you didn't know why. Your mind was still rambling "So… Now they call you Joker”

“Yeah” Joker said as he took off his red blazer and left it on the back on a mint-colored sofa, similar to his shirt. You only saw him walk back and forth as you were still sitting in one of the dining room chairs drinking a glass of water, you needed it.

"Should I also call you that?"

“If you prefer, you can call me that, you can call me Joker, but I like more when your voice says my other name"

“Arthur?”

A little smile under the clown makeup was created “Yeah… You're the only one who can call me that way” Joker went to one of the rooms. You kept thinking again while you were done drinking. Suddenly, Joker came back with a little red box and a couple of white lilies to you"Take it, this is for you”

“For me?” You smiled at him as you took the box and the flowers, you smelled the scent of flowers, as sweet as he “What it’s?

“Open it”

Animated, you opened the little box to discover inside a white necklace with a small drop of pearl hanging from it. “Arthur… This is…?” You couldn't help smile, it was the necklace Arthur so much wanted to give you, and for which he almost got into trouble.

“Yes, finally I got it for you Y/N”

“Oh Artie, it’s so beautiful, thank you” you started laughing next to him. You missed that too, you missed sharing a laugh with him. However, seconds later, you stopped doing so, Joker noticed that.

“Y/N?”

“I’m sorry, I just… Was too much today, you know? I had a bother day in the job, and well, those idiots… I’m sorry, I’m not supposed to be sad, I should be happy” you didn't want to cry at that moment right in front of him.

“You only had a long day Y/N, take your time baby, okay?” Joker passed a hand in your hair and cheeks, you got carried away by the feeling of his touch “I’ll back. I’ll take a shower”. Those words took you by surprise and your cheeks get in red color, but you tried to hide in front of him, was that an invitation? You didn't say anything, just said yes with your head. Joker gave your cheek a slight squeeze with his fingers and went to the bathroom.

The truth is, it wasn't just everything that day had happened, it was all you've been through since Arthur and you split up for over a year. It was so strange to see Arthur there, in person, just for you. Before he wouldn't let you sleep, because you only thought of Arthur before bed, and when he let you sleep, he'd sneak into your dreams. That ghost that throwing you finally became real in front of you, and it wasn't a menace. For some strange reason, all the feelings you wanted to give Arthur were hidden in your heart and you didn't want to show them, and you don’t have an idea why your mind and heart were making that move to you.

You must have gone around that in your head because you were a little startled when the bathroom door opened, you saw Arthur again, but no more as Joker, just Arthur. Shirtless, only with his red pants, his wet hair, and some blows to his torso and one on his face. Of course, your mind focused on those blows and you were going to ask what had happened to him, maybe it was the result of his criminal life, but of course, you didn't go unnoticed seeing him shirtless. Those thoughts came back to you.

“Arthur…” You got up from your seat and go to him “What is that blow Arthur?” and without any permission, you put your hand on the blow to his chest, causing Arthur to tremble with your unexpected touch.

“That’s nothing Y/N, don’t worry”

“Oh really? And this?” with your other hand, you put it in the blow of his face “Arthur, don’t lie to me again, please”

Arthur looked at the ground, remembered the first time when he had lied to you because he didn't want to worry you, but Arthur knew that if he hid the truth from you, you were going to worry more about him "It was a work thing, it's nothing, I had problems with some guys, it got out of hand, but don't worry, that's already solved" Arthur took your hand off his face and put a kiss in your knuckles. Again, you and Arthur were so close together at the time, could both feel your breaths, you could feel Arthur's heart under your hand as fast as it was beating. Yes, you two had shared a kiss before, but that had been a kiss of thanks. You wanted to kiss him differently this time. Arthur however appeared to doubt yet of that moment. He took your two hands and kissed again "You should take a bath Y/N, you worked today, you ran a lot, too many emotions in your body, you should relax".

You nodded at him, it seemed that he too was hesitating a lot whether to take the next step with you. The truth is when Arthur saw your face, he felt guilty, that blow you had in your face was still visible, and he was ashamed he hadn't found you before you were wounded. "There are some clothes I got for you, they're in the bathroom too. We can go for your things in your apartment another day"

“Yes, I’m okay with that you said, darling. Thank you, Arthur”

You got up with the tips of your feet and kissed him on his cheek. You went into the bathroom, not without looking at Arthur one more time, which had his hand on his cheek, and blushed. Gradually, as the water-filled the bathtub, you took off your clothes, looking in the big mirror, soaked in sweat, was a very long night for you. Inside of the bathtub, a lot of things cross your mind, about you, your relationship with Arthur, and what you really want of him. Of course, you want to be with Arthur, they had to plan everything they would do together because you were sure they could never separate again.

But that night, just that night, you wanted to feel Arthur, and go back to what you two left on in that old bed.

You came out of the bathtub, dry yourself, went to the clothes he got for you and just put on white lace panties, opened the red box and put that special necklace, wrapped your body in a white towel you found, looked you in the mirror one last time and left the bathroom. Arthur was sitting, writing in his journal, and smoking a cigarette. For a moment you had a charming memory of that old Arthur who was shy, that everyone rejected, what they considered a freak, when you were his best and only friend, when you were Carnival and Night Mime. You smiled caringly at the memory. Slowly you would go to him, expect him to notice your presence, soon he felt it, and turned his gaze to you, and was speechless when he looked you were only in that white towel.

“Y/N…”

“Arthur…”

“W-what are you--"

You didn't let him continue, because, at that moment, you approached him, and slowly passed a leg over his knees, sitting on his lap. You took his face, slowly caressing his lips and finally, kiss him again, in a very burning kiss. Arthur took you by the waist, feeling you. "You know something, Arthur? All these months I hadn't stopped thinking about what we almost did in that bed, you remember?" You stop to kiss him, looked him with love, but with desire too.

"... There's no day I won't forget that, not even by mistake" He touched your shoulders, passing his fingers in your collarbone, playing with the drop of your white necklace.

“… You want to continue?”

Arthur saw you with a look you had never seen in him, a deep and dark gaze, full of lust “What you think?”

You both smiled and kissed again. Arthur was carrying you down your waist while you were holding on to him. The kiss started slowly, but soon; the desire reappeared and began to consume both as the cigarette remained in the ashtray of the table. You passed your hands behind his back, feeling his skin burning, while you stopped to kiss his lips and started to kiss his chest, Arthur He felt some tickles in the start, but it didn't take long for the feeling was pleasurable for him. You kissed his chest and went to his neck, kissing it too. Arthur, starting to go into ecstasy, stopped you gently, and kiss your lips again.

“I love you Y/N” He whispered between kisses “I love you too much, and you don’t know how I want you, how I need you”

“I love you too, Arthur, and I need you too, I need your love Art… Please, love me” With the red color in your cheeks, you separated a little from him, and with nervous but with flirtation too, you took the material of the towel, and without thinking much, you removed it, revealing your body to Arthur. Him, dumbfounded and amazed, look every centimeter of your skin, he always imagined that intimate and warm moment with you, but he never believed would happen, not even when he became Joker, but you were there, loving him the same way he wanted to love you. He looked at your body, your chest, your breasts, your abdomen, and those lace panties, hiding the most intimate part of you. Hypnotized, he wanted to kiss all you, started kissing your neck, and you couldn't help moaning, more when he came down to your breasts and began to kiss them, “Arthur… Arthur…” you were moaning his name and caressed his hair when his lips and tongue delighted with your taste. and unconsciously, you started to move on him. Without you expecting it, Arthur began to be a little rougher, sucking the skin of one of your breasts, you almost yelled, but he wanted to leave a mark on you, something that every time you looked in the mirror and saw that mark you would remember him with a smile.

“Y/N, you’re so fucking beautiful…” He kept kissing your chest “Your face, your body, you… You look like an angel… My own angel…”

He went back up to your neck, and of course, left little marks on you. He looked at you and saw how you were losing, with your eyes closed. So, he decided to kiss you by surprise. In the middle of the kiss, you felted a slight bulge in your entrance, you decided to provoke him more. You moved over him again, but this time you did it consciously, massaging his member with your pussy, knowing that turned him on. Arthur tried to suppress a moan, but he failing, put his head on your shoulder, trying to be quiet, breathing hard. You moved slowly and quickly at the same time when Arthur threw his head back, you could see his expression and smiled. And then he made that move on you. He took your jaw, forcing you to look at him, you smiled naughtily, but you didn't expect him to put a hand into your underwear. “Oh fuck!” you yelled, hugging his shoulders. His touch was gentle, rubbing his fingers in your pussy, taking you to heaven, feeling on the edge of your sanity. Arthur decided to put his fingers in you, and you started screaming louder, moving the toes of your feet on the floor. He took his hand away from you and brought his fingers to his tongue, that image excited you more than you imagined. “You taste so sweet Y/N, wanna try?” put his fingers in your mouth, and you tasted them. Desperate, Arthur began to take the elastic of your panties, wanting to remove them from you. But you took his hands away from there and put on your butt.

“Hold on to me” He whispered on your ear “You are driving me crazy”

“More?” You laughed a little and he smiled. You did what he asked you, you hugged him by his shoulders and your legs surrounded his torso. Taking you under your thighs, Arthur rose from the chair, carrying you, while you kissed him in the air. All the ecstasy of the moment made him very strong, perhaps he was stronger since his dark part of him came to light. Slowly left you on a couch, making you sit. He knelt down and you knew what his intentions were the moment he did. He went back to your panties and this time, he got them off you. Arthur caressed your crotch while you felt his fingers touched your skin, and gradually he made you opened your legs for him. He looked at you completely in love and lust, and without warning, he went straight to your entrance, kissing it. “Arthur!” you yelled his name once more. He used his tongue inside you, tasting you sweet as he pressed his thumbs tightly to your thighs, one more way to mark you, something that said you were his. You squirm on the couch while feeling his tongue and his breath, he wanted to take you to the same madness that he was in. In your delirium, you heard a strange noise, opened your eyes and tilted your head, to find that Arthur had his hand inside his unbuttoned pants, moving it frantically, an image that turned on more than you were.

Arthur left one last kiss there and was leaving kisses on your body until he reached your mouth, you took his jaw, while he continued caressing your entrance with his fingers. He wanted to prepare you, he wanted you don’t feel pain. He lowered his pants and his boxers, and you observed his member, it was hard, big and hot, being you amazed and a little scared, but having Arthur like this made you love him so badly, and before he could do something with you, you took it and you started to masturbate him so softly. Again, there was that delirious and frail face on Arthur, he never imagined that one day you would touch him that way, feel your fingers around him, your gentle touch on his member, and then, you started kissing his neck. It was his turn to moan, the girl who loves giving him pleasure, the feeling was better than he had thought, “Y/N… Y/N” you saw his chest grow rapidly, his face imploring you, biting his own lips. He wasn't going to hold it anymore. He softly took your hand from him and pulled it away, kissing it first, and slowly began to settle into the space between your legs.

“Arthur…”

“Y/N…”

Your faces were flushed, he caressed your cheek, as he slowly got closer to you. “Please Y/N, if you feel pain you have to tell me” You nodded with your head, your voice had been lost in all the sighs that you dedicated to him. Took his erection with his hand, starting to direct it to your entrance “Oh Y/N, you have no idea how I'm gonna adore you” And without waiting, he entered you. He did it softly, while you felted him inside you, moaned very loud. Arthur started to move inside of you, you felt a little pain, but that pain was disappearing, being replaced by pleasure, Arthur looked at your reddened face, how many nights had he dreamed of that, and at the same time, he observed how his member went in and out of your pussy, covering with your love. In delirious, you were tilting, falling backward on the couch. He went behind you, laying on top of you, and continued to adore you in his own way. You stroked his hair with one hand, and with the other hand you took his back, burying your fingers in his skin. He couldn't stop kissing you, he was almost glued to your lips, being addicted to your taste. He couldn't describe the sensation of feeling your soft and warm walls around him. You couldn't describe what it was like to feel Arthur inside you. You definitely love him. Arthur looked into your eyes, those green eyes had you haunted, and every time you saw his eyes you fell in love with him again. You were breathless, moaning his name. You just felt every thrust of him, how his pelvis fit so well on you, how he was so desperate to show you all his love.

“Y/N, you’re mine?” He asked in the middle of everything, forcing yourself to open your eyes and try to answer, which seemed impossible.

“Y-yes!”

“You... You will always be mine?” He said while he kept penetrating you and left kisses in your mouth, cheeks and neck.

“I-I’m yours Arthur! Only yours!” you almost cried of all the pleasant sensations that he put you through. You heard his moans, how he too suspires your name. He went back to your neck, leaving marks there too, and decided to left a few bites. You hugged him so tightly, wanted him to be closer to you, even though at that moment both were one. You were burning inside. Arthur took one of your hands and laced his fingers with yours, your and his screams were heard throughout the room, your heart was going to explode with love. The little drop on your necklace moved to the rhythm of Arthur hitting on you

“A-Arthur, Arthur! I-I’m…!” you couldn't help moan so loud his name, and when he felt your orgasm around him and your body shaking under him, he lost his mind.

“Oh Y/N! Oh!” And in a big yell, you felted his warm cum, feeling every drop fall inside you. He stayed for minutes inside you until his erection went down, and when he came out, you felt how his cum was coming out of you.

He dropped his forehead until it lightly hit with yours, breathing deeply and harder, falling in pieces. You wrapped your arms around him, pulling him closer to you, felt his heartbeat. Arthur separates from you just a moment, just only to appreciate the beautiful woman who loves, lying down from him. He closed to you to kiss your forehead, kiss your cheek and kiss your lips once more. "I love you Y / N ... I love you ..."

“Art… I love you too…” You said in a fragile voice, which worried Arthur.

“Y/N? Are you okay darling?” He asked to you because get little worried, you breath deeply too and stay with your eyes closed.

“Yes Art… I just…” You giggled and he smiles. He really loves you more when you smile.

“What happened baby?” He took a pair of wet tufts of your hair. You, opened your eyes and tried to explain yourself, but you had a little difficulty doing it, until you finally could.

“I just… I can’t feel my legs” both started to laugh. Arthur again took you for your cheeks and kiss you. He got up and knowing that your legs couldn't react, he carried you back into his arms, taking you to the bedroom and laying down on the bed, immediately he lay down next to you and hugging you. Until that moment the bites and the marks that it had left began to burn a little, but that pain did not matter to you. That night you were finally going to sleep in Arthur's arms, it didn't matter if he was now Joker, if he was a dangerous person, you waited for that moment for a long time and it was the only thing that mattered to you.

End.

#Arthur fleck x reader #Joker x Reader #Arthur Fleck/Joker x Reader #fanfiction #Fanfic #Joker Fanfic #Joker fandom #joker 2019 #Arthur Fleck smut #Joker Smut #Arthur Fleck/Joker smut #Joker 2019 fanfic #HarleenFleckWrites

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hellas-himself · 4 years

Text

More Than Enough

Remember that self indulgent crack ship holiday fic I was writing about Cassian and Feyre? And how I couldn’t seem to mix the past with the present?

It’s a fic now. Still in the same AU just like... the year before. Leading up to the cheesy ass nonsense it is now. Originally it was going to be angsty at first but I think we have enough of that in our real life. If you haven’t read the crackship holidays featuring these two dumbasses, start here or on AO3.

Also. I promise all my other fics are not being abandoned.

I’ve had a playlist to listen to when writing them but it is so incredibly inappropriate if you understand spanish. and i haven’t made it onto spotify yet. But this song reminded me of them and that’s where the title comes from. Which is funny because Alina is who i put beside Toni Mafud as Rhys and Feyre whenever fan casts come up. ANYWAY.

Let’s follow Feyre as she thirsts after her best friend.

I blame it on the music.

Cassian lost his shirt about half an hour ago and is doing pull ups. The garage door is open, letting in the cold winter air. My fingers are cold but I don’t like wearing gloves when sketching. I had been working on hands and eyes but once he tossed his shirt… It’s not like I’ve never seen Cassian without a shirt on before. Between him and his brothers, they seem to always find an excuse to not wear one. But the difference is I don’t find myself daydreaming about what it would be like to run my fingers down their backs.

It’s definitely the music.

Even if I didn’t understand the words, the beat itself is way too sensual to not be about anything else but sex. But the lyrics and Cassian’s sweaty, half naked body mixed with the fact that I haven’t had sex in months is probably the worst mix. I am not supposed to be imagining sleeping with my best friend.

I clear my throat, startling Valo who was falling asleep at my feet.

“Sorry, baby, I need a drink.”

I set my sketch book and pencil down on the crate beside my chair.

“Would you get me a drink, bunny?” Cas breathes out and my face flushes all the more. I didn’t need another detail to this stupid daydream.

“Yeah,” I squeak and head into the house. I already know his post workout drink recipe by heart. I drink ice cold water while the blender is going.

Cassian is suspended in the air, holding his entire body parallel to the floor with his hands. Goddamn him. He drops his head back so that he’s looking at me upside down and he smiles.

“I love you,” he says and I roll my eyes.

“I’ll love you more if you don’t bust your ass.”

He chuckles and just to drive the nail in the coffin that is my desire to be the reason he’s making noises like that, he slowly lowers his body and resumes his pull ups. I set his cup on the table where he has his tools and go back to sit down.

Cassian drops down and walks over to his mat to do his cool down stretches. A new song comes on and the words are so filthy that I find myself staring at him. His tattoos. My ex-boyfriend had always believed I was into Cassian- and I wasn’t. But I wasn’t blind and I’ve been at his house almost every single day since Thanksgiving- he is always without a shirt.

It’s just the music.

“Plan on drawing me?” Cassian asks and I blink. I look away from his tattooed chest and to his face. He is smirking. Shit.

“Uh. Yeah. What better way to do anatomy studies than with a living reference?”

“Anatomy, huh?”

He flashes me a grin before he walks over to the table for his drink.

“Hey, what do you want for dinner?”

His question distracts me from looking at his ass.

“Uh, whatever you want… I’m not really craving anything.” Except you. I sigh and cover my face with my hands and lean over. I need a cold shower.

“Hey… You alright?” he asks softly.

I nod and slowly sit upright.

“I’m just… I’m fine. I promise.”

He doesn’t believe me but he walks over to grab his speaker.

“I love this song,” he says and starts to sing along to it as he gratefully goes back into the house.

Cassian meets me in the living room now dressed in a white tee and grey sweatpants. He lifts both my legs up so that he can sit down. This is normal. I always use his lap to rest my legs.

“I ordered Greek, I hope you don’t mind.”

“I told you, I’m not craving anything except-”

Fuck my entire life. Cassian raises a brow and I toss him the remote.

“Why don’t we finish your show so then we can watch my movie?”

This pacifies him and thankfully, his stupid show is so violent and bloody that all thoughts of fucking my best friend fade from my mind.

Our annual Christmas party is tonight and I’ve found an outfit. It is the kind of outfit Tamlin would have told me not to wear. It’s blood red and insanely inappropriate for winter with its spaghetti straps and super low neckline. Mor says it’s the perfect thing to wear after a break up and just the thought of all the pictures we’ll take with me and Cassian together makes me believe it.

I hang the dress up in the closet of Cassian’s bedroom. The heels are set beside his dress shoes and I can’t help but think about his reaction. Of dancing with him all night and coming back here and-

“Bunny!”

“I’m in the closet!”

I hear him chuckle.

“Shut up,” I call out and walk into the bedroom to find him pulling off his shirt. I feel my face go hot.

“I’m going to shower… do you want me to use the other bathroom?”

“What? No, this is your house,” I say far more casually than I feel. “Besides, we’ve got time, we can share.”

I want to punch myself in the face. Cassian starts to grin.

“The shower might be a little too small for the both of us but I’m sure we could find a way to-”

Cassian laughs when I smack his arm.

“Not exactly where I like being spanked but I’ll take it.”

“Oh my god, Cassian.”

He laughs and disappears into the bathroom. I force myself to leave the room when I hear the water.

Cassian walks into the kitchen in nothing but a towel, his hair wet, water dripping down his chest. He walks over and takes the sandwich from my hands.

“Fuck, we’re out of beer,” he mutters as he opens the fridge. I grab the second sandwich I made, expecting him to steal from my plate and force my gaze up. On his stupidly gorgeous face.

“I can go get some,” I say but he shakes his head and walks over to take my cup of iced tea.

“Are you cool with us taking a cab tonight?”

“Uh, yeah. I guess.”

Cassian drinks from my cup and sets it down before pinching my cheek.

“It’ll just be you and me,” he says softly. “So don’t worry about it.”

I blush at this and Cassian kisses my forehead.

“I’m gonna go get dressed. Thanks for the snack,” he says with a wink and walks away.

I keep my makeup rather muted; lip gloss and the usual winged liner. Nude eyeshadow. Cassian picked out the highlight and I have to admit, he chose well. My hair isn’t going to get any better, so I leave it in loose waves rather than the curls I’d wanted. I’ll leave that to Mor. I feel nervous, this is the first time since the breakup that I’m going out with all of our friends but Cassian will be there, and that’s enough to ease my nerves. Almost.

“Our ride is here,” Cas says as he walks into his bedroom. He stops and just stares. I approach him and hold out my ID card and debit card, needing to ignore the way his attention has me feeling.

“I don’t have pockets.”

“What?” He blinks and looks down at my hand. He laughs and pulls his wallet out. “You only need your ID.”

“Maybe so,” I say and reach out to smooth down the collar of his shirt while he puts my cards away. I remember my lip gloss and put it in his back pocket, giving him a wink.

Cassian holds my hand when we go outside, helping me down the steps and the driveway. It’s a regular occurrence, but I blush when he opens the door for me. And when he slides an arm around my shoulders when he sits down beside me. We take a bunch of pictures and call Cassian’s parents to check on Val- as if we hadn’t seen him an hour ago.

When we get to the club, Cassian holds my hand as we walk inside. Cassian and the boys are all friends with the owner, so we get to skip the line.

“Where are we going?” I ask as Cassian leads us up to the VIP lounge.

“Meeting up with Rhys.”

“What’s he doing up here?”

Cassian chuckles. “You know Rhys never passes a chance to be extra as fuck.”

I can’t argue with that.

Upstairs, Cassian helps me out of my coat. His fingers brush my skin and my mind takes a swan dive into the gutter.

“What do you say to a few drinks before we go downstairs?” he asks as he takes my hand. The bouncer outside the lounge acknowledges us with a nod.

“Yeah, I could use it.”

Cassian flashes me a grin and then opens the door.

“SURPRISE!” Everyone shouts and I find all of our friends standing under a Happy Birthday banner.

I am at a loss for words and Cassian laughs, bringing me further into the room. I’d completely forgotten about my birthday, I hadn’t cared enough to even think that anyone else would. But Elain is here with Az. So is Rhys and Lucien, Amren, Varian. Viv and Kallias, too. I’m separated from Cassian as I’m hugged and kissed by everyone. I realize Tarquin and Cresseida are here as well. Rhys is the one who breaks open the first bottle and we all stand around the little table to take shots.

“There is a cake,” Elain says as she hands me another shot. “But that’s later.”

“Later?”

She winks at me and shouts for Azriel.

“That’s my favorite song!” she exclaims and her husband happily ditches his brothers to go out and dance with his wife.

Lucien and Rhys pull me in for another hug as the others begin to trail down to the dance floor.

“You look good enough to eat,” Lucien mumbles and I laugh.

“Don’t tell me you’re already drunk, Luce.”

“We may have pregamed at the house,” Rhys admits. “But we took an uber! It’s okay.”

I roll my eyes.

“You both suck. I’m going to go find me two other cute boys to dance with. Boys who would have invited me to pregame with them and no amount of flirting is going to fix that.”

They begin to whine and I laugh, holding onto Rhysand’s forearms as they keep me caged between them.

“Alright! You win!” I say with a laugh and look over to find Cassian looking my way. He smiles.

I want to ask him to dance but Mor pulls him away before I can open my mouth.

We drink and dance and drink and dance and drink some more. I feel light headed and everything makes me laugh. But I haven’t danced with Cassian yet and that’s enough to dampen the mood. I push my way through the crowd until I find Cassian at the bar. I take the empty barstool beside him and sit down. I order myself a margarita before turning to face him.

“And where have you been all night?” I ask and Cassian smirks.

“Enjoying the night,” he says and takes a sip of his drink.

“Without me?”

I don’t understand the look in his eyes as he takes a sip of his drink. He sets the glass down and leans forward. I didn’t really understand just how short this dress was until he lays his hand on my thigh. If I turn my chair completely, if he moves his hand just an inch more…

“Yes,” he says and kisses me cheek. “But I think I’m about to enjoy it more now.”

“Why?” I manage to say. Cassian’s hand brushes my thigh as he sits upright.

“I’m about to go dance with my best friend.”

“Are you now?”

My drink is set before me and I grab it, chugging it down as Cassian slides off his chair. He turns mine so that I’m facing him completely and puts his hands on my hips.

“If she says yes, of course.”

I finish the last of my drink and set down the glass.

“When have I ever said no to you?”

Cassian grins.

I have danced with Cassian many times. At parties, at the beach, at clubs and bars and festivals. At his parents’ house. I should be used to the feeling of his body against mine, of his hands on me while we dance but not like this. I want nothing more than to take him back up to the lounge and push him down on the sofa or go find an empty bathroom stall.

But I don’t.

Birthday cake and alcohol isn’t the best mix, but I haven’t felt this alive in months. My face hurts from laughing, from smiling. My vision is spotty from all the pictures we’ve taken but I don’t care. Everything is right in the world.

“My feet hurt,” I complain and sit on Cassian’s lap.

“Want me to rub your feet?”

I shake my head and lean into him.

“No. Not until I’m showered.”

He laughs. “Okay.”

I sigh when he wraps his arms around me. He is so warm and smells so good, I want to stay this way forever.

“I think the birthday girl is done for the night,” Rhys says teasingly and I realize I was dozing off. I look up to see Rhys standing there with a stupid smirk on his face.

“Fuck you,” I say and curl up in Cassian’s arms. I feel his hand holding my dress down from showing everyone else my ass.

“Tempting,” Rhys says and then shoves his hands in his pockets. “But I think I’ll pass.”

I don’t think much of the look Rhys gives Cassian in favor of playing with his hair. I take way too much satisfaction in the knowledge that not everyone gets to do this, and that he enjoys it. Cassian seems to win whatever silent staring contest he and Rhys were having and Rhys rolls his eyes and goes after his boyfriend.

“You’re making me sleepy, bunny.”

“Good thing we’re going home together then,” I say before my mind catches up. But Cassian only chuckles and hugs me a little closer.

Cassian and I are a laughing mess as we stumble into the house. I lean on him to step out of my heels and he laughs as I shrug off my coat and toss it at him. We’re both trying to catch our breath, and I swat his hand away when he tries to tickle me again.

“I’m taking a shower,” I breathe out and walk off but he stops me.

“Wait,” he says and I turn to find him smiling.

“What?”

“Happy birthday,” he says softly and pulls me in for a hug. “I promise I’ll make you breakfast in the morning.”

“Hm… you really know the way to a girl’s heart, Cas.”

He pinches my side and I yelp.

“Go shower,” he says and kisses the top of my head.

“I won’t be long.”

My shower is clumsy and not at all relaxing. My feet hurt. So I put lotion on my body and grab the bottle of perfume that is on the dresser, except it’s not perfume but cologne. I shrug and put on Cassian’s Nirvana tee shirt and double check I actually have underwear on before I go looking for him.

“Cas?” The house is dark save for the light coming from his room. “My feet fucking hurt.”

He says something but I don’t understand it. His room is open and I step inside, finding him lying on his bed. He’s got basketball shorts on and his hair is loose.

“Bunny!” he says as if he hadn’t seen me all day. “I almost busted my ass in the shower.”

“Me, too.” I say with a laugh. “Maybe we should’ve showered together. It would’ve been safer that way.”

“I like the way you think, Archeron.”

He holds his hand out to me and when I’m close enough, he pulls me into bed with him. “You smell good.”

I snort. “I smell like you.”

“Exactly.”

I swat his arm but he ignores it, putting his arms around me.

“My feet hurt,” I complain, hoping he’ll make good on his promise.

“Just stay here,” he says simply.

My heart stops and starts too fast.

“Like… sleep here?” I ask too quietly.

“Mhm.” He goes quiet for a moment and then groans. “I forgot to turn the light off.”

“I can do it,” I say.

“No… Stay here.”

He goes quiet once more, and I let myself relax. We haven’t shared a bed since we were kids, playing video games until Adela would force us to go to bed. I smile at the thought and rest my head against his chest.

“Goodnight, Cas,” I say quietly, my eyes getting heavy.

“Goodnight, bunny,” he says and lets me go to stretch. Then he wraps his arms around me again and moves us so that we’re on our sides. He presses a kiss to my forehead and I close my eyes, letting the warmth of him lull me to sleep.

@mythicaitt @bookloveaffair @nalgenewhore @candid-confetti

#more than enough #cassian x feyre #crackship #and absolute self indulgence #him calling her bunny will be the end of me #i dont care what's canon #or that feyrhycien is everything to me

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years

Text

Survey #307

“you lie so much, you believe yourself”

How long has it been since you kissed someone? Like, two years or so. What level are you on Farmville? Never played it. What are you looking forward to in the next year? I hope Covid just withers away, dammit. I truly, truly hope this vaccine is effective. And that people start wearing their GODDAMN masks. Do you use a lot of emoticons? Not really nowadays. Would you ever climb a mountain? No. Even if my legs were capable of handling that, I'd be too afraid of an avalanche. Colons or equal signs for your smiley face’s eyes? Colons. When was the last time you swam in a lake? A looooong time ago. If you could have anything right now, what would you want? It'd be great to chill at Sara's house honestly, I miss that. What’s your relationship status? Single and I think finally starting to truly accept I need to be right now. I wouldn't want to date myself in my current position, so I shouldn't expect anyone else to. When was the last time someone asked you your age? On my birthday when I mentioned in group therapy that I was trying to make it an especially good day about myself. When was the last time you danced? Very, very poorly with Sara years ago lmao. Has anyone ever tried to physically fight you? Someone snatched my arm and yanked me down to look her in the eyes in HS because she was a jealous bitch back then telling lies, but idk if her intention was to actually try to start a physical fight. Are you avoiding someone? No. What’s your favorite primary color? Red. What do you have pierced? Just my ears and bottom lip now. :/ I want morrrreeee. I'm forever tilted that so many of my piercings closed when I was hospitalized. What is your favorite dog breed? I find pugs to be very cute, but I do not support their breeding whatsoever so would never buy one. Besides them, I have a definite bias towards beagles. In your honest opinion, what is the scariest sea creature you know? Fucking Christ, giant squids. Terrifying. Do you believe there is just one love for everyone, or…? No. There are way, way, WAY too many people on this planet for that. What natural disaster scares you the most? Tornados. What outrageous career could you see yourself wanting to do? Define an "outrageous" career... but I can't visualize myself doing anything very unordinary. In what way would you want to help change the world? I truly hope I can make some considerable amount of contributions to natural conservation and animal education. When driving down the road looking for an address do you turn the radio low? I don't drive, but I know I would, considering I can't concentrate on driving if the radio is on anyway. What do you think of when you look at the stars? How little I and my problems really are. It gives me perspective. If you could say ONE THING to the president, what would it be? Well, Biden just got into office, so I can't really say yet. We'll see what he does. What Disney princess are you most like? Personality wise, I mean. Uh. I'unno. Maybe Snow White because animals? haha Do you believe in astrology? Not in the slightest. Do you look into people’s eyes when you talk to them? I try to, anyway, but I tend to find it very uncomfortable, and I never know if I'm offering too little or too much. So I have trouble maintaining it, especially with people I don't know. You can have one of the following two things: trust or love. Pick one. Trust. What do you think is the most important thing in this life is? Hm, that's a deep one. Perhaps the understanding that you are just as important as the next person and that we should work as one to make this one life that we know of worthwhile. Make the world better than when you entered it. What is your favorite shade of blue? Pastel blue. I just like pastels in general. When's the last time you bought something just because? I don't buy things "just because." If I actually have money to spend, I use it with motivation behind it. What Ozzy lyric describes you best? WHOA NOW HUNNY you are asking the WRONG person because I can just about name his entire discography so there are waaaay too many song lyrics to dig through and pick one for myself. Probably something from "Dreamer," after a short moment's consideration. When was the last time you went for a walk without a specific destination in mind? Not since Sara and I walked down the path near her house. We didn't plan on when we would turn around to go back. Do you daydream? Only all the time. What was your last daydream about? Ha, thanks to that other question, visiting Sara again. It'd be nice, but yeah, financial limitations and corona. Ever won the lottery? Bitch I wish. What was the most important decision you made that screwed up your life the most? Ugh... I'd say putting all my self-worth, happiness, and source of peace into one person was pretty big but also fucking stupid. What is love really about? Don't ask a romantic this and expect a non-essay, haha. But to keep it as short as possible, it's about mutual care, the desire to grow together, trust, openness, the peace to be vulnerable with the other... It's about a lot. It's such a deep, beautiful feeling. What's the most you ever made in a year? lol Do you have an online diary? Only through surveys, really. What's the biggest pot you've won in poker? I haven't played poker since I was a kiddo, so idr. What Metallica lyric most describes your life? Who wrote this and knows my favorite bands????? Like damn. There's a good handful of the sadder songs I relate to; I did some brief digging through ones I know I relate to, and perhaps the one I feel closest is within "The Unforgiven II": "The door is locked now, but it's open if you're true. If you can understand the me, then I can understand the you." Aaaand now I'm gonna go binge Metallica 'cuz it's been too long, thanks. How many concerts have you been to? Just one. :/ Which one was your favorite? I've only seen Alice Cooper, and it was great. What's the most illegal thing you've done? Pirated stuff, oops. Ever get busted by the cops? What for? No. How many pairs of rollerblades do/did you own? I doubt I have any anymore. Ever wear out a CD? What was it? Ahaha... There is some scratching on my mom's copy of Ozzmosis thanks to me playing it so much on my old CD player. Ever have a tornado in your town? Well my city is pretty damn big, so yes, in some spots. I don't think my immediate proximity has ever seen one, though. If you HAD to pick ONE song to listen to for the rest of your life, and that would be the only song you ever heard, what would it be? I would absolutely need something motivating if that was the case, so most likely "Life Won't Wait" by Ozzy Osbourne. That song touches me so deeply and gives me the courage to do what I can to tackle life and try not to waste it. I know, I'm doing a great job at that. Ever heard of Shinedown? Hell yeah; I was actually listening to them in the car earlier. What does your lawn furniture consist of? We have nothing out there. Ever live off of canned soup and ramen noodles for weeks at a time? Er, no. But when I got my tongue pierced, I had to survive off of popsicles and... I somehow forgot the main thing I ate???? How?????? But anyway it was something that didn't involve much or any chewing, either. I actually lost a little bit of weight in that week or so because eating solids was impossible, and I didn't enjoy "eating" liquids either. That piercing (snake eyes, btw) was soooo so cute tho. I really wish it hadn't started to damage my teeth, or else I'd still have it. What musical group/artist do you love, but hide from other people? I used to be kinda embarrassed by artists like Melanie Martinez when you compare her music to my adoration of metal, but at my age now, I don't give a damn. I like what I like and won't hide it. What is the first meal you remember eating? ... Does anyone actually remember this??? What's in your keepsake box/scrapbook? Good God, a lot. I haven't looked in it in a very, very long time though. It brings a usually painful nostalgia. What did you score on your SATs? I don't even remember if I took them. I THINK I took the ACT instead? I don't even know the difference. When was the last time you saw a rainbow? Hm. Been a while. It's not like I'm out of the house a lot, especially nowadays with quarantine. What colors is your lava lamp? I wish I had a lava lamp, they're rad and really relaxing. What's the strangest thing you've ever hung on the wall? Nothing, really. Can you name every place you've ever had sex? I mean I can but I'm not going to. What's the most important thing you ever lost and never found again? My favorite childhood cat Charcoal. He was an outdoor and intact male, so it was very normal for him to eventually vanish to rove. Please keep your cats indoors. What forms of birth control have you used? The pill and, uh, having "barriers." How many webpages have you created, and can you still find them all? I made Wetpaint sites for my two RP mobs back in the day, but the site has since been completely revised, so no, they don't exist anymore. I checked outta curiosity I think last year. How many people are in your family portrait? We don't even have a proper family portrait. Ever punched a wall? No. When's the last time you really lost your temper? In some argument with Mom I don't remember. Ever thought you (or a girlfriend) were pregnant, but it was a false alarm? I had massive anxiety over it once, but it was irrational and even I knew that. Not that anxiety cares. If 97 is yes, were you glad or sad? I was very glad when my period came lmao. What was the last conversation you had with someone before they died? When I saw my grandma for the last time, I just let her know that I loved her and that she was so, so strong, and she was. No one could believe how long she warded death off when she finally stopped chemo. What do your drinking glasses look like? We have some more unique cups and mugs, but the majority of them are just plain, slightly angular glasses, some short, some tall. How many bottles/containers are in your medicine cabinet? Oh wow, a lot. We're covered for most potential problems. How many funerals have you been to? Uhhh I think one. Maybe even none, just wakes. What was the last bug you killed and what did you use? An ant, I think? I just used my fingers. How many computers in your household? There are three laptops, but no desktop computers. Ever help to solve a crime? There was one occasion years ago when our neighbor's window was busted overnight and cops came to us to ask for any evidence we might have had, but we didn't have any. Idk what came of it. Ever get pulled over by the cops and get away without a ticket? I've never been pulled over. What was your first legal alcoholic drink? I think it was a margarita, but possibly a daquiri. Ever get published by one of those poetry groups? I fucking wish. I've tried, but to no avail. What's the furthest distance you've moved? Not very far at all. Just to the neighboring town. How many friends from high school/college do you still talk to? Only a few now and then. Girt is the only one I have real conversations with, though. What's the most expensive things your parents ever bought you? Probably the laptop I have right now, but idk. I've never asked how much things they've bought me cost, it seems rude somehow. What's the most expensive thing you've bought? The upcoming revamp of my tattoo. Deposit was $100, and then it's probably going to be another $300-400. I can't afford it all myself; as my birthday gift, Mom is helping me pay for it, but I've got most of it covered thanks to Christmas and birthday money. How many times did you intentionally start to commit suicide? Start to do it? Well, I was trying to run for sharp objects to do it twice, but on each occasion, someone held me back 'cuz they knew I was about to do something rash, so I didn't get very far, thankfully. The only time I fully went through with an attempt was my OD. Ever spent the night in the "loony bin?" How fucking disrespectful to call it that, but whatever. If you put all the instances together, I've been in psych hospitals for around a couple months, maybe more. What is your favorite cover song? Disturbed's cover of "Sound of Silence" is absolutely unbeatable. I'd just about call it a cold hard fact. What's your inspiration? Other's success stories, music, art in general, etc. What's the longest relationship you've been in? Over 3 1/2 years. Did you ever drop out of school? I dropped out of college three times, yikes. Three times is enough; even if I think I want to, I'm never going back. That is just way too much money to keep throwing down the drain, and there's clearly a pattern. Ever raise a child that wasn't your own for more than 3 months? I've never raised a kid period. Strangest medical procedure ever performed on you? Look up what a pilonidal cyst is and know I had one surgically removed. Pretty strange and uncomf. Song that has changed your attitude recently? None, really. What's something that you say a lot to be mean? ... Why would I try to be mean??? Who told you they loved you last? Me mum. Ever had a pet frog? Not technically, no, but as kids, my sister, neighbor, and I saved hundreds, maybe thousands of tadpole eggs from a ditch that was inevitably going to dry out. We transferred them all to a kiddie pool and let them grow naturally, hopping out and into the world whenever they were ready. I wouldn't call them "pets." Your worst enemy? IT'S NO SURPRIIIISE TO MEEEE I AAAAMMM MY OWN WORST ENEMYYYYY Do you believe in karma? No, but I wish it was a thing. What was the last hurtful thing you said to someone? I'm not sure. I certainly try to avoid doing so. Do you love someone enough you'd die for them? There's multiple people. The last song you listened to? I wasn't joking when I said I was gonna go on a Metallica spree, haha. "Of Wolf and Man" is on rn. Your most favorite memory as a kid? Too many, man. If you had the choice to work or not, would you work? Yes. I need something to do that benefits others in one way or another. Ever TRULY wanted to kill someone? I can't say for sure, if I'm being totally transparent. When I found out about Jason's gf after me, I can say with certainty I wanted her dead beyond dead, but I don't know if I wanted to kill her, per se. Just to clarify, no, I don't wish any negativity upon her now. I was certifiably insane before and certainly don't think I am anymore, so... Marvel or DC? I don't care. Do you watch anime subbed or dubbed? Both. I prefer dubbed, BUT only if the voice acting isn't insufferable. I like dubbed just because for me, it's very distracting to have to keep looking down at subtitles. How often do you exercise? I don't... I'm still waiting for Mom to move into her actual room versus the living room couch so I can do WiiFit with some privacy. I'm too uncomfortable to exercise in front of anyone. What is your favorite book series? Warriors will forever have a very special place in my heart. What is your favorite OTP? I will probably ship Rhett and Link for my entire life. Their friendship is truly incredible and so so SOOOOOOO cute. Who is your favorite Harry Potter character? I've never seen the series, actually.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''holier than thou'' by metallica

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honeyrose-tea · 4 years

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this has been a strange start to the new year for sure. how are you doing? what did you think of the situation in the capitol? any thoughts or worries about the rest of the month? I'm curious to hear your thoughts on everything. -🌙

thank you so much for the ask💞 almost every day I check my inbox anticipating the next time I'll hear from you. just knowing that someone cares.... it really does a lot for my self-esteem. I don't have many friends right now and the few I do are very busy and have a lot of things they would rather do than talk to me. thank you for making time to listen to me and ask me how I'm doing. you wouldn't believe how many people don't. I haven't always been the most consistent presence for you and I'm sorry. I'm trying to do better and be less selfish because I know how it feels to be on the receiving end of that. thank you for always being kind to me, pen pal.

there is a lot I want to say regarding the capitol and the situation in the country in general. as a social science student (and hopefully one day a professor!) these situations are of great academic interest to me. as a bisexual woman and an informed US citizen who cares about my rights I am also very personally vested in American issues. but first I would like to tackle your question regarding how I'm doing:)

I'm doing pretty good. classes have started back up but most of mine are online. I'm thinking of switching to online exclusively because of how much emotional (and sometimes physical) labor in-person classes are, and also for the sake of my health and my parents'. it's funny how so many things we did with ease before the pandemic seem so burdensome now. even small interactions are anxiety-inducing now, and I find myself having a hard time socializing even casually. like a muscle that has atrophied without use, my social skills are awful now. on a happier note, my productivity and creativity are both at all-time highs since social interactions aren't using up all my energy anymore. I brought my record player to my dorm room and I've been listening to a bunch of music, I've also been writing and recording some music of my own. I have a couple of demos and if you or anyone else is interested, I'll post them on here. once I record and edit full band versions I'll put them up on my soundcloud. I've tried sharing some of my stuff with some friends but none of them really care and I don't want to annoy them. besides, it's more for myself anyway. I wang to prove to myself that I can make music and that I can say something worth saying. a lot of my struggle over the past 6 months has been that I feel as though nothing I do or say can change anything, that none of my actions matter. I struggle a lot with control and I've been working on it for years, but it's still really hard for me. anyway. I'm enjoying class and what I do outside of it. I've been in my element living alone again (in my dorm) and feeling free to wear/do/say what I want, when I want. I wash my dishes and sing to myself and manage my time and drink lots of artificially sweetened and heavily flavored coffee without anyone around to judge me. and I get to cry and masturbate when I want, both of which are helpful in regulating my moods. I don't know. it's not like I'm doing anything exciting, but I am doing each thing I do well and with a happy heart. I feel like this portion of my life is something of a hibernation- the winter seasons combined with the pandemic have me in a cozy little daydream, reading and self-reflecting and getting back in tune with myself and my passions. I have a feeling that the spring and summer will be very vibrant bustling months so I am trying to enjoy my rest and soak in as much knowledge about myself and the world around me as I can. it's hard for me to live in the present and not get antsy (connected to control issues, I think) but I'm getting better at it. on the subject of the future, I've also been using this time to look into grad school and prepare for the GRE (a standardized test required for most grad school applications, similar to the ACT/SAT). I'm learning a lot that I didn't know since neither of my parents went further than undergrad, and I'm getting excited. I'm really looking forward to doing research. I've already been collecting some thesis ideas for an undergraduate-level thesis that I have to complete next year for the honors college, and hopefully I can turn that into a masters and/or PHD thesis when the time comes. now, on to more important matters than my silly little life.

I have very complicated feelings about america. I do have some attachment to some of the original ideas that are at the foundation- "bring me your huddled masses...", "all men are created equal", the general spirit of democracy, etc.- all of these are valid and worth keeping (in some form) to me. I think a lot of good people and ideas exist around us and I believe that we must be as empathetic and kind as possible to one another in order to navigate the current climate and preserve the good that we do have. that said, america was also founded on some pretty terrible, bigoted principles and our history- as well as our present- is marred by injustices. our society has become highly individualistic because of capitalism, and it has resulted in considerable division on every level. the competition that fuels capitalism is like an invasive species of plant, it does not only exist within our economy but it slithers out into our social world and the way we relate to others. I think capitalism coupled with our post-enlightenment founding is the source of most all of our problems as a country. capitalism has taken root in america in a way more malicious and all-consuming than in any other culture, because it was there at the beginning of our country and all of our social norms have grown out of it. many other cultures have existed long before capitalism and though it has modified their culture, it has not altogether become it. because america was founded on capitalism, we have no cultural identity outside of it. america is, itself, capitalism. that is precisely why america is experiencing all of the best and worst parts of capitalism at their most extreme. it is why, as I mentioned previously, we are perhaps the most divisive and competitive society in the modern world, and probably in history. we are the richest and most powerful country but we have the largest wealth gap and incarceration rate, among many other extremes.

all of this is to say that the rise of Trump and fascism in this country has been a long time coming, and unmistakably inevitable. to defeat it we will have to break america down to its fundamentals, throw out everything that is unethical and unjust, and rebuild our entire society from there. this is radical and hard to imagine, it will also be very difficult to execute, but I strongly believe that much of our societal systems just cannot be reformed, they must be thrown out and replaced.

the capitol riots were inexcusable and sickening but decidedly inevitable. this has been steadily building for america's entire existence. I think it will get worse before it gets better, as there are already plans for bigger and more numerous protests across the country in the following weeks. that said, I feel hopeful as I see the anti-fascist movement grow in the wake of fascism, I am hopeful as I see many people being radicalized and awakened to the realities of this country's failings. I don't know how exactly we will even begin to rid ourselves of the biases, prejudices, and downright hatred that plagues our country. I don't know how we will relate on an individual level to those with such deeply-ingrained hate in their hearts. I don't know how we will change our systems of government and economy to reflect new cultural values that we begin to build together. I am not sure what the future will hold. I do believe, however, that we will triumph over this moment and that the future will be better. I think that the only way to radically change and unite so many vastly different people and remove the blinders from their eyes is through a terrible, historic awakening like the one we are having now. the situation itself is awful, but I am hopeful that out of this mess we become a nation more committed to justice and to some of the ideals which we have falsely claimed to be emulating for our entire history.

so yes, I am worried about the next few weeks, months, and even years. there is no end to the pursuit of a just society, and I think every informed citizen is always a bit apprehensive about certain aspects of their culture. there will always be problems to combat and injustices to rectify, but I think that we will soon be moving to a better place, that we will remember these moments and say, "never again". I am hopeful, despite seeing some of the worst of humanity in recent days, that these atrocities will bring positive change.

I know that was long and instead of discussing issues about the capitol, or even just current political issues, I expanded the scope considerably and dragged in a lot of things from history and grander sociopolitical theories. still, I think it is hard to talk about the insurrection attempt without talking about a lot more. thank you for reading my takes and caring about them. I spend a lot of time thinking about these things, and it feels nice to share them with someone other than my annoyed professors who want me to shut up so they can finish the lecture and stick to their semester schedule.

I hope you're well and that you're staying safe and healthy. are you in school now too? have you or your family had the virus? thank you for coming to talk to me, I always enjoy it. I'll talk to you again soon💞

#pen pal

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skekzok-the-ritual-master · 4 years

Text

Out Of Character Questions

ROLEPLAYER GET TO KNOW YOU PROMPT

Tagged by: @hedonistschambers

Tagging: @ask-skeksa-the-mariner, @allpowerfulemperor, @asktheornamentalist, @askurva-thearcher, and anyone else who wants to :)

OOC About Your Character(s)

1. What do you want to get out of playing this character(s)?

I used to RP on Tumblr a lot in the Megamind fandom, and seeing other Dark Crystal RPers on here made me want to try getting back into RP a little. Since I don’t have any Dark Crystal OCs who lend themselves well to RP, I decided to go with a canon character, and skekZok was a prominent one who hadn’t gotten a blog yet. I’ve always liked looking at characters and thinking about what makes them tick, so this gives me a fun chance to do that for him.

2. Describe your character(s) with three words.

Cultured | Sadistic | Hypocritical

3. What made you decide to write this muse?

I’d been following the blogs of a few other Skeksis RPers, and the absence of Zok had been remarked on. Since he’s one of my favorites, I decided to make a blog for him and join in the fun.

4. If you could change one event in your muse’s life (in their main or canon verse), what would you change?

That’s a tough one, because Zok really doesn’t suffer that much in canon compared to other characters. I might stop ZokZah from trying to burn out part of his soul, but skekZok wouldn’t exist and there wouldn’t be much of a story if I did that. (If we include the JM Lee novels, I’d change it so he doesn’t throw skekSa under the bus.)

5. If you could tell your muse one thing, what would you tell them?

“Don’t stab the blonde Gelfling girl. It won’t prevent the prophecy, and she’ll just come back to life anyway.”

6. If you could give your muse one gift, what would you give them?

I’d love to see his reaction to a Swiss Army knife.

7. If you had to take one positive thing away from your muse, what would you take away?

I’m not sure how positive this is, but I’d take away his ability to believe his own lies. It would be interesting to see how he tries to juggle all the conflicting rules and stories he’s come up with over the centuries.

8. If you could “borrow” one aspect of your muse and apply it to yourself or your own life, what would you borrow?

His talent for speaking in public. I wish I could command an audience like he does.

9. Do you genuinely want your muse to be happy? What do you think would make them most happy in life?

Considering the kind of things that tend to make Zok happy? Maybe. As for what would make him happiest, he believes it would be achieving immortality and remaining one of the highest-ranked of the court and having skekSa as his permanent mate, but that still won’t heal the spiritual emptiness inside him. Much as I enjoy Zok and Zah as separate beings, I do think reunification was the best thing for them. If he and SaSan could have been together after that, that would have been even better.

10. Do you enjoy putting your muse through angst? What do you think would break their heart the most?

I don’t mind angst in small doses, as long as I plot it out with the other player(s) beforehand and we agree how it will turn out in the end. Zok doesn’t lend himself easily to angst, but losing his place in the court hierarchy or having one of his allies turn on him would do it. He’s also come to genuinely believe the mythology he’s invented over the centuries -- anything that seriously challenged that worldview would be hard for him to deal with.

11. What do you love about your muse?

A lot of things. His charisma, his striking blue eyes, the way his voice is deeper and smoother than most of the other Skeksis, how over-the-top his gold outfit is, how he’s so attached to his headdress that he doesn’t even take it off in the spa, how unrepentantly creepy and sadistic he is -- he’s a very enjoyable character, even if he is a horrible birb.

12. What do you hate about your muse?

He's not an easy character to have interact with everyone. He can pretend to be nice when it suits him, and he’s not totally incapable of caring about people, but he’s still nasty enough that I can tell in advance a lot of interactions wouldn’t go well.

13. What about your muse amuses you?

The contrast between the austere image he tries to keep up, and how frazzled he gets when something upsets that image (”MY CARRIAGE!”). Also when he gets sarcastic or looks down on the others when they act in a less-than-civilized way.

14. What about your muse makes you sad?

All the people he’s hurt, and how unwilling he is to see that his way of life isn’t sustainable and won’t truly make him happy in the end.

15. How would you describe your muse to someone about to meet them, in person, for the first time?

“This guy is a creep, but he believes in good manners. Tread lightly, and you should be okay.”

16. Would you like your muse as a person if you met them in real life?

LOL no. He’s an awful person who is best left in the realm of fiction.

17. In what ways are you better than your muse? In what ways are they better than you?

I like to think I’m a much nicer person than he is. I can be blunt and a bit of a troll sometimes, but I really don’t like hurting anyone, or trying to force people to do stuff they don’t like. As for Zok, he’s much more confident and well-spoken than I am, and he’s had the determination to stick with one job for a thousand years.��

18. Why do you think you connect to your muse?

We’re both interested in culture, myth, and history, and feel better when we can assign some order to the world around us.

19. What aspect of your muse’s personality is most important to you? What aspect of your muse’s personality do you think is most important to them? Is it the same? Why or why not?

As I see it, the core of Zok’s character is that he wants to bring order to the world; that’s why his job title is ‘Ritual Master’ rather than ‘High Priest’ or something more overtly religious. If he can’t see an obvious reason why things are the way they are, he’ll invent one that makes sense to him (and serves his needs).

I think this is what Zok sees as his most important trait too -- in his mind, he took a bunch of feral newborn creatures who (by all rights) were never meant to have existed in the first place, and helped turn them into a civilized, godlike people who rule an entire planet. But that feral nature is always under the surface, and they still need ritual and order (and yes, punishment) to keep it in check.

20. Has your character(s) changed over the time that you have been playing them? How have they changed?

I haven’t been playing Zok for very long, but I’ve recently had a chance to write how he feels about deeper questions, like what it would mean for Skeksis to have children, and what happens to Skeksis and urRu souls after they die. I think it’s made him a bit more three-dimensional.

About You!

1. What is your name?

Kate, a.k.a. Crow or Lady Stormcrow

2. What is your profession?

Social worker, currently working in substance abuse treatment.

3. What do you do to relax?

Watch favorite TV shows, play video games, listen to music, hang out outdoors, chat online.

4. What is your favorite treat (desert)?

I have a big weakness for flan and other custard desserts. Also caramel.

5. Favorite movie

Amadeus (1984).

6. Favorite book

Good Omens (and yes I loved the series too).

7. Favorite vacation spot

Grand Cayman. We were supposed to visit again this spring, but COVID happened.

8. Favorite Disney movie

I’m not sure I have one favorite, but I love Fantasia and The Rescuers.

9. How did you first get into role playing?

Almost 20 years ago, lol. When I first started going online in high school, I made an online friend ( @ksclaw ) who introduced me to the concept. We played interactions with our SWAT Kats fan characters, and she helped me get the hang of it.

10. What was your first platform? If it was something other than Tumblr, what made you get into Tumblr?

It was Livejournal. I discovered Tumblr in late 2011 after my friends in the Megamind fandom introduced me to it, and most of us migrated here from our old LJ community. I loved being able to reblog whatever struck my fancy, and while my interest has waxed and waned, as you can see I’m still here.

11. What’s a grammar rule you find yourself breaking or ignoring a lot?

I like to think I have pretty good grammar. I know I’m guilty of run-on sentences, though, and I overuse ellipses and mix up ; and -- far too much.

12. Are there any languages besides English in which you think you could comfortably roleplay?

Not really. I can speak and understand a little Spanish and French, but not enough to write anything meaningful, and I’m wary of translation software for anything beyond a short sentence. Sorry!

13. Do you listen to music while your write?

Sometimes. Usually not when I’m doing the actual writing (that’s distracting, and I like to hear the words in my head), but I’ll listen to it beforehand to get myself in a mood or get some inspiration.

14. Are you a morning, day, evening, or night writer?

Late morning after I’ve had my coffee is usually my best time. Unfortunately I’m usually at work during that time, but on slow days and weekends I try to take advantage of it.

15. How does tiredness affect your writing?

It turns me into a zombie who can dream but cannot actually write.

16. What is your biggest obstacle to writing every day, if time doesn’t count?

Lack of motivation. I daydream and imagine stuff easily enough, but putting it down into writing is much harder, especially when I’m braindead from work.

17. How many drafts is a paralyzing amount?

More than 5 is daunting, though fortunately Zok hasn’t gotten that many yet.

18. Is there anything character-wise or writing style-wise that you can’t stand?

Players who are unwilling to have their characters be in the wrong, or who get upset if my character doesn’t react the way they wanted. Not all interactions are going to be smooth and happy, and I’m fine with that. Your character is not you, just like mine is not me.

19. What kind of anonymous questions are your favorite?

Weird ones. I like having my muses react to them.

20. What is your weakest point in writing? Angst, fluff, dialogue, etc.?

Fluff is kind of tricky. I don’t have trouble imagining it, but I get paralyzed thinking “this is too indulgent, I shouldn’t publish it, no one but me will like it, etc.” Maybe that’s part of why Zok appeals to me, because he’s not the fluffy type.

#ooc #writing

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pensurfing · 4 years

Text

I Surrender.

By the time I actually post this, it’ll be near the end of the year and I’ll be near my burnout. Each year, usually I take an unannounced, but quiet, break.

2020 feels different this year. Usually, I return in January; but this time I don’t think I can return. Too much happened in so little time and as a small creator, business, entrepreneur, small EVERYTHING I can’t ignore what lurks over my head. An ultimatum.

I was in denial about it.

I thought maybe if I pushed making the decision back as far as I could, something would change. That as long as I worked hard, promo’d my sales and merch, did as many virtual cons as I could, something would change. Networking in newer groups, looking around for clients, and wanting to make new merchandise; name it. I did it. Work hard and reap the benefits later; while that is true there is also no shame in knowing when to quit as well. I was in denial about how long the pandemic in the States would last. I was in denial about needing help with my mental health. I was in denial about so many things in my surroundings. The biggest thing I was in denial about was my importance, impact, and ability to move forward with where I was with my art journey. The biggest reason why I was able to keep it up was due to the constant questions of “How’s it going? What are you up to? How are you?” No one (at least the way I see the world) actually answers this truthfully. So I just kept saying fine and for a while, I genuinely believed it. I lied to them. But to be fair, I lied to myself too.

I was angry about it.

I stayed here for so long.

SO.

Long.

I was angry that I felt ignored; angry that I reached out and others had their hands tied as well; angry that I still managed to make sure others didn’t drown like I was drowning & didn’t think to help myself because I’m stupid; angry that the pandemic did last this long in the States; angry at me for not pulling some magic trick out a hat that I’m not sure existed; just angry. (tw: self-harm, vivid imagery) I was so angry I took it out on my debit card and self-sabotaged my good spending habits. I took it out on my legs and arms and broke a seven-year long streak of not hurting myself; I carved myself up entirely and punched the bricks of my house. I took it out on people. I don’t quite know how yet, but I feel like I did. Maybe I had a shorter temper than normal; I stopped reaching out and making sure I fully listened to their problems. I kept caring more about them than myself during this phase. And they just kept taking. And I became an empty cup, they moved on; I see that I’m just disposable. Which, isn’t wrong. All I could handle and still can handle is heavy convos with my therapist. (I don’t have her anymore, that’s right. I can’t afford her anymore.) All I could handle was trying to write it out, map it out, talk it out.

I was angry I didn’t see a point anymore. I felt like I didn’t deserve the tiny wins I did see because I didn’t go through some kind of threshold of pain and suffering to earn it. I was angry and the crumbs tossed my way in the name of “diversity” and “trying to hire black” because of guilt and white performance. I was angry being lead on with a tiny thread of hope because that thread was bigger than the nothing I’ve gotten this entire time. I was so angry and blaming myself for things that were completely out of my reach and capability. I was just really angry.

I tried begging my way out of it.

I looked for online classes of any sort to traject myself into a sort of hope. Buying hundreds of dollars in books, classes, anything in information I just didn’t have prior to the pandemic; and now because of the pandemic, the information will be obsolete as the world adjusts and readjusts to its changes and collapse in remaking itself. Making flash sales on my website if it meant seeing eight dollars by the end of the month.

I didn’t stay here long because of my own twisted viewpoint of begging.

I was depressed about it.

I stayed here the longest. It was already enough having the above marinate within me; add to the mixture of new relative drama, relatives passing away, and just not being in a healthy household... I grew tired. I stopped taking care of myself. Anyone with depression can tell you that dealing with that darkness is an uphill battle; usually, the first to go is my hygiene. But I just slowly stopped drawing altogether. I don’t draw when I’m not together. I’ve mentioned this many times over the years verbally and in written form on here. So I just kept taking breaks. I had a small string of commissions here and there, but that was the only illustrations I could create and that was its own battle.

I tried mentioning it to people I was close to, but after a while hearing “it be like that sometimes” just isn’t helpful and isn’t worth explaining the story. So I just stopped talking. And not having my therapist made it harder. Especially because I have a lot of emotional dumpers who don’t understand boundaries. I don’t blame them, but after a while of nonconsensual emotional dumping I had to stop listening to another group of people because I just couldn’t handle any more weight; either they didn’t see I was drowning or didn’t care. It doesn’t matter anymore.

I couldn’t enjoy the walks recommended by many; not even my favorite restaurants; or shows; or books/mangas; food in general; people in general.

Listening to music at least helped the “I’m sinking” feeling. But it was quickly ruined with “well intent” friends with; “Maybe if you drew something you’d feel better”, “Sketch, paint, it’s therapeutic”, “dRaW”. You get the picture. It had a double sting because it acknowledged two things: These ‘friends’ don’t know much about me and what brings me happiness; This isn’t about my happiness, but more about their own selfish requests to see more work from me because they don’t know anything else besides “I’m an artist, I draw, therefore that is all I am and all that can ever make me happy”.

See it this way: You have a friend. Friend is a musician. Your friend is slowly going deaf and loses their hearing. You can at least do small, everyday sign language. But not enough to handle a full conversation. Until your deaf friend can afford that hearing aide, talking to them will be a bit harder. But instead of learning more sign, you complain about how the person can’t hear as well anymore, so they become “quieter” and you stop reaching out to them. Projecting the “why can’t you just listen”. “You know what will make you feel better? If you play your music again, make mixes. We miss that.” “You sing, why not sing to make yourself feel better.” If the person cannot hear, how can they continue to make sure their craft is correct? In tune? On tempo? If a person is not in the mood or mental capacity to draw, then how can they draw? If all you can see is that you only know about friend is that they are a musician, can they really be a friend? Or just acquaintance?

Projecting the thing you get joy from said ‘not ok’ person and just demanding they do more of the thing you enjoy isn’t helpful; but selfish. Because in that case it isn’t about the person, but you and your expectations and things that you get from said person. Once they stop giving you the thing, then it’s about ‘how-dare-you-not-give-me-my-thing’. And I stopped caring to go through this consistent loop and being talked over when trying to explain myself.

I sat in my bathtub more than I had in years; the irony is this is comforting. So for weeks, this is where my mind and mental capacity have been. Sitting in my tub, with a blanket, my phone, and my switch. I’ll stay there all day and go to bed; sometimes I’ll sleep in the tub and stay there all day. I listened to music. Just daydream. I write a bit more now for my own purposes. It’s been nice. But not enough to get me out of a funk.

I finally accept it.

I’m just a person to be there and happy for others and their things. I think I finally get that now. I’ve slowly removed myself from social media and with the expectation of performance. I’m not a performer; I’m supposed to just be the audience. While this isn’t an “I quit” because this is all my job experience the past few years now, this is just an “I surrender”. I’m used to the fact in my waking life I’m no person’s ‘favorite’ or ‘go to’; so I guess now I’m coming to terms with that with work and with drawing in general. I have company clients I’m wrapping up work for but after that, I’ll be taking down my commission information and artist alley gallery. etc. I’ll shut down the store; I’ll do one last sale and either give away/throw away my extra items.

I just have to start entirely from square one. Maybe negative one? I went on what feels like the world’s longest pity party to say I’m taking a break, and seeing how the world broke in 2020 there is a chance I won’t be able to come back. And I don’t want people jumping me say “how dare” “you don’t try hard enough” or “shut up and just wait until next year/try again next year”

I’m covering my bases. If things look up then I’ll just happily delete this later.

But I can’t just ignore the reality of it all. I’m not ok and I haven’t been. And I just want to stare at my ceiling guilt-free for a bit. (I did this last night and it is fucking gross looking, gotta clean it.)

Stay safe, stay indoors, and stay clever.

[[TL;DR: After continuing to get beat down by the world the past two years, this year pushed me past a tipping point. I can’t keep being a lukewarm illustrator at best and I am slowly wondering if I even want to; I want the space to figure that out. And don’t want the same friends who tell me “draw this, color this” to hound me on that decision either: it has the same energy when a kid with asthma can’t breathe and you talk over them and say “just inhale and exhale”.]]

I hereby release me from the pressure to post consistently because honestly, it is the only time I hear from anyone anyway So this is me choosing silence for a bit.

#ramble #vacaymode #goodbye #for now

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