#ALSO HAPPY 413 YOU BASTARDS HAVE A GOOD ONE
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starmksz · 2 years ago
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sneak peak 4 charms I'm selling teehee
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thecrenellations · 4 years ago
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Return of the Thief Notes, Part Three: The Book of Pheris, Volume 2, Chapters 6-14 and “Alyta’s Missing Earring”
Notes from my first read, October 2020. (Part One | Part Two | TaT)
Contents:  Elephants, guesses about gods and dead men, villain team up, the unexpected, AAAAAAH, elaboration on the word cloud above (which is one big Gen, medium Pheris, medium love, and scattered other names), and more quantitative analysis! I love this book.
Format:  Page number. My thoughts (Context?)
Chapter 6
285. unkingly moment, last night with her at home
MISMATCHED STOCKINGS (I have a thing about this.)
Wedges of ribbons?
285. cute
286. a pitneen? A drunk bird?
Wait. Gift of animals??? Did he steal the thunderbolts wearing it?
A canary no longer
287. Hilarion and Ion, wow
Throw a cup of wine on me
288. War pants! War pants!
What’s Attolia wearing?
Sophos! (the whistling!)
288. Ok fine it’s gonna be sad ... I say as if I didn’t just experience the trial (the last lighthearted moment)
Pepper!
Be careful Pheris
Also Relius went to Dite and Juridius, right? (I was convinced Dite would show up)
Sinerine!
290. SOCKS! Yay <3 magus
I was resigned to not much magus but he is HERE!
He’s … so much nicer than he was to the kids in the Thief, lol
A CART!
Lamb, falling in same paragraph. Worried.
Gen :( Gen you ran all over the palace and leapt in the water last night. You are so stupid.
292. Yay Sophos I love you
Math buddies!
294. I’M SAD.
They have had this convo before
I love them
It’s because I can that I think I should
295. Do not overreach. Eddis is right
Danger in self indulgence?
I love her! “I was outside chasing your brother with a stick”
296. My heart. You have to trust yourself. I don’t know if I can. Then you have to trust us.
Tactical Irene!
Thanks I’m gonna hold on to it: “The Call of life is a s powerful as the call of death, and it is no weakness to answer to it”
297. Oh no. My children. Tell each other things like that!
Great time to be childish, Gen.
Yeah honestly. It’s bothered her FOREVER
299. Pull it together, kids!
Thx Helen
Inkpots … :( :( :(
Chapter 7
302. See … that Continent occupation isn’t good either!
303. Unfortunately that is NOT an alternative. Bc volcano.
305. This is stressful.
Chloe, interesting
306. Elephants
Oh my god it’s better than I ever could have imagined (there was like 10 years of lead up to the elephants, and I thoroughly enjoyed them)
I love him
Gen wtf
Yes drink up those guards (“We could keep [an elephant] in the guard’s bathhouse! There’s plenty of room.” “And the guards will bathe ...?” “In the palace reservoir.” “Our drinking water.”)
#6 Gen about elephants
308. This is gonna be a disaster
Hilarion with an eyeglass
Fuck Pheris is making this up.
Gen I love you
Oh my god
Honestly idk if Gen is having fun but I AM
They’re. They’re such a power couple.
Also Bu-seneth is so rude to Attolia
309. so vague about battle, but I’m sure it’s horrible
310. hero talk. Chills.
311. all the woman comparisons for Gen (“Would [a world with no war and no heroes be a bad thing?” “That’s a woman’s question”)
Wow. Interesting. Anonymity
312. Don’t listen to them Gen!
Bad tempered cooks
313. lol. Good looks.
Gen. the hand joke. Why
Well that was … a scene (I don’t know my Henry V)
Reassuring to have a glove. Which one?
314. No. Bad. This is what I was afraid of. (Nahuseresh baiting Gen with Kamet)
Ok Pheris
315. That cannot be true. (it was not!)
Gen. No. No.
316. Wow. That worked out well. So far.
They called him annux. If Kamet is really dead…
319. Yeah Attolia is RIGHT
Yeah I can’t actually either!
Irene knows. In his story!
320. Glove resolved very fast
Interesting reversal (Gen and his dad)
Maddening!
Chapter 8
322. who’s charging off in a haze of glory now
Philologos wounded
Wait, the attendants follow him in to battle...
Cleon RIP
Temenus <3
No. Stenides
If they ever returned.
His brother died in an explosion
Gen’s tears
This is sad.
323. lion lamb :(
325. At least they have each other
Morality is an illusion. Like safety?
326. that’s what Costis was mapping, right? (nope)
How many has Gen killed now
328. Who. Pol? Ambiades? (The cairn man question remains)
Oh no
Oh no. you can fall from a horse
HILARION!
Is Fordad a spy?
I am just not accepting this yet
WAIT THE MEDES TOOK HIM! (I thought the Attolians had taken Gen, or Gen’s body, at first.)
330. wow things only Pheris can do
GDI Erondites
WOW THIS IS A VILLAIN TEAM UP
332. You gave it to him dude (Nahuseresh asking “Why does he still have this?” about Gen’s hook)
I love Gen. I wonder if he’s afraid.
This is bad.
Whose treason, whose betrayal?
333. Yeah! Kamet said so (“Tell me again that you are king.” “Annux, if you prefer.”)
334. Oh god.
Get your stories straight bastards
Rolled in a rug!
336. Oh gen
Oh god
Yeah this is …
Be careful what you ask for
338. What did he sign as, though, Attolis? Eugenides?
Nomenus wtf
What does mwt have against facial hair (Fordad, Nahuseresh)
Costis please come (idk how I thought he was going to help, but I was in Costis Denial and expected him to show up at any moment)
Everyone must be going through a lot
A face like an open grave
Gen.
Gen I love you
YES
YES
Is he … invulnerable now?
Gen what.
Is he possessed? Is he already a god?
341. Yeah same. (“I think he meant that I should not fear him, either. I did, though ... I still followed him”)
This isn’t being self indulgent or overreaching, is it?
342. RIP Ion Nomenus
“My work”
Oh Nomenus
Does he just exist for the morally gray and loyal angst feelings? It works (...)
344. What did he DO
Yes! Swearing Gen!
345. love all caps Gen
Those names
Aaah
346. Ooof.
Chapter 9
347. moon promises
Yeah
Noooo Philologos :(
Legarus … :(
349. Gen what what
Sparks
Costis? Stenides? STENIDES?
Wow ok he killed Bu-seneth
350. god
See I said Nahuseresh shouldn’t have said that
Also is Gen a bastard
351. WHAT (“Because your council had just voted to kill him”)
Oh Helen
Oh Irene
Does he invite him in?
This is reassuring to the reader (“He can bear his god a little while without losing himself”)
Aaaaah Galen
354. Gen that’s a lot. A lot.
Don’t kill everyone.
So so so x7 of doom
Bye Yorn
I hope he wins too
Go away Nahuseresh
Omg
another fall
Interregnum
Ok it was Lader (when you don’t know who the man at the cairn was, keep on guessing!)
Yeah the circumstances thing is back
Oh god
Oh no
Chapter 10
361. how long has it been?
362. three days
I love them (Elephants! My excellent queen!)
You promised to trust him
364. Oh no. Oh no. (Relius)
370. These Helen convos…
371. Sad. :(
372. Emtis and Lader
Yeah.
Omg
374. Wow
Steal by elephant?
377. Don’t forget about Dite!
378. He’s gonna kill him?
379. Is Dite dead too?
Oh Sejanus
Oh I see
He’s got a mercy taste too
380. Switching!
Lying in moonlight. Hm.
381. Yesss
Nooooo
383. I’m nervous
Gods blessing on your road
Wow. <3
They would have fallen… (if Pheris had gone through with his plan, that’s how they both would have died)
Did not expect Sejanus feelings in Rott.
Chapter 11
386. He’s gonna know. But the trust.
Ion knows.
390. Gen…
Pheris is Lyopidus?
I’m scared
393. I kind of love Ion
More Sejanus, bring it on
I’m nervous
Hmmm… who could it be
395. MoW :( <3 I will not be ok if he dies too
Gen knows the way bc Costis (nope)
Oh my god these two (“I lied” “I know”)
Chapter 12
398. Oh no.
This is not
Her Thief
Irene. “only sleeping” this is what Eddis said to her
But mist… water???
Face touch
402. not living or dead. King
Yes. But no.
403. crying at everything and the MoW next to him
There he went
It was the Eddisians. He fought with them.
404. yeah that’s a lot to deal with, Pheris
405. what a mystery man (Sejanus)
Lol mysterious exit averted
Excuse me that was a difference
406. :(
Am I king
407. Helen is once again right. She’s also always right
MOIRA was Melisande???!??!? (who even knows)
409. ?? Irene?
Same as for Dite. Man loves his brothers. (nephews. you know what I mean.)
Nice.
AAH yup. Add it to the list (“How neatly you tie them together” ... the list of is ways Gen and Irene are becoming more like each other)
410. speaking of which where is Costis!
Hm… what god was that
I love their reactions
411. SPLENDID.
Oh Irene. It’s true <3
It’s so true (“When the king gives his heart he gives it completely”)
Now I’m crying again, at them
412. Gen, she has a point.
Amazing. I … I don’t think she meant to ask like THAT
Jesus, Gen.
You do not know a wagon from a wheelbarrow
413. Irene!
She’d better get home safe.
Gen!
Omg
414. I have another bad feeling, about Gen
415. High king or queen though?
Magus <3
Chapter 13
416. “of course”
That’s ominous
417. No! Sejanus!
A gut wound yikes
418. sadness
419. lol “ill will”
We’re in Roa. My heart’s pounding.
422. I love Gen.
YESSS
Yes I love them.
Sheep.
Kamet!!!
?!?
Costis. Mattresses exist.
424. Oh no.
426. roof dream
Good roof dream
Good job Helen
428. TWINS. Everyone was RIGHT
Reyatimi
Oh shit. The sky.
Oh dear. :( aaah
430. Climbing the rigging!
“it’s just that you have so many least favorite things”
431. I love them (Gen and Irene)
432. I love them (Gen and Helen)
433. RIGHT! I was thinking
I can’t <3 (they’re naming the baby after the MoW, and it’s perfect, and she’s not gonna tell us, huh)
OH MY GOD!!! (baby thief!)
WOW!
434. AAAAAAH (Hector! @threetoadswaltz​ finished reading before me and knew that I would explode about this and I DID, I threw my arms in the air! HECTOR!)
PERFECTION!
435. AAAAAAAAH (this was when it became clear they were going to dance on the roof)
Yes she was (as surefooted as the king)
Is this the first time she’s Irene
Yes.
I’m filled with happiness
Celia and Lavia again … lol.
Lol Chloe
THALIA
CRENELATED wall
HE’S ALIVE
Kamet is a sweetheart
The gods!!!
The gods!
Aracthus
Mystery goddess?
Ula?
Moira! Yes!
(I was very happy. The page itself:)
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Alyta’s Missing Earring
Wait. Was it Alyta.
Glad we got a bi god (with all due respect to Immakuk and Ennikar, whose bi-ness and godliness is perhaps more up to the reader)
Got very bi very fast
Also. He’s Gen.
Interesting difference in story
Kathodicia!
Are we literally getting ALL the answers? (No. But so many more than I expected!)
Gen’s grandfather sucks
An urn huh
Omg. Heiro’s earrings?
Oh my gosh.
Same, Gen. Same.
Obvs Phresine knows.
Is Phresine a goddess?
Same, Gen. Same.
She got to tell a story! She is so happy!
I think he’s a little scared
Moleskin
Yeah peace huh
This series is socially sanctioned silliness
1000 Eugenides. Wow.
They did melt though
Little thief.
<3 <3 <3
He’s a character in a story
A big question
Tamarisk? Takima? (We are not getting all the answers.)
That’s it! Thank you for reading - it feels very self-indulgent to type up all of these, but I will honestly take most chances to relive the intense and wonderful experience of reading this book for the first time, which often means looking back at my own notes and sometimes means sharing them with people. Also, I really love reading liveblogs/real-time book thoughts, so here is one from awhile ago ... all at once.
Anyway, check out this word cloud from all of the notes (made with this site):
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It’s ... mostly just character names, with a variety of words that express my enthusiasm and feeling (love, lol, wow, yes, excuse me...). Gen is the biggest because I said his name 115 times! Here are some totals for the other characters who came up a lot:
115 - Gen (and 10 Eugenides)
42 - Pheris
26 - Costis
18 - Irene (and 6 Attolia)
16 - Helen (and 8 Eddis)
10 - Sophos (and 4 Sounis)
12 - the magus
11- Kamet
11 - Teleus
10 - Relius
9 - Ion
6 - MoW
6 - Moira
5 - Sejanus
These don’t fully represent how much I had to say about them, because I didn’t always refer to people by name or title ... which kind of explains why Costis’s total is ridiculously high compared to how much he is in the book -  I likely have more notes about other characters, but I didn’t need to bring up their names because they were already present in the scenes I was taking notes on (for example, I think I talked about Relius more than Teleus, the magus, or Kamet, but many of those just referred to him as he, because it was obvious to me who I meant). But also I was just looking for Costis! Anyway. My use of names and titles for the monarchs also really illustrates how much this book reshaped the way I think of these characters’ relationship to them, Gen’s and Irene’s especially.
It’s representative of my feelings about this series that I wrote “I love them” about so many combinations of characters. Who, exactly? And how many times? Well...
5 - Gen and Irene
4 - Gen and Helen
2 - Gen and Pheris
1 - Gen, Irene, Helen, and Sophos
1 - Helen and Sophos
1 - Costis and Kamet
1 - unknown combo of Gen, Pheris, and Relius on p.166, I love them all and can’t remember. Kamet’s map was there, too, and I do love Kamet, so maybe he was in there too.
no matter what the numbers say, I love them all endlessly, and I love this book.
be blessed in your endeavors, yes I will take any questions about these notebook screams, etc.
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dahniwitchoflight · 5 years ago
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Candy 15-17
Alright I know this is supposed to be sad but this feel so ridiculous it’s funny
“He ventures a glance at Dave, who is at the front of the line carrying a smaller casket containing Dirk’s decapitated head. “
why is there a seperate casket for the head, that’s not what funeral homes do xD
“It would be absurd were it not so tragic, and possibly also predictable.” 
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“He looks at Dirk’s casket, sitting diagonally in a hole in the floor and popped about 13% of the way open.”
That’s a strangley specific number
Am I to take the imagery of something being diagonal as imagery for a “4″ and then complete it with the 13 to make 413?
Cuz is so, that’s heavy handed and ridiculous probably just as Dirk intended
“ROXY: and give it over to someone whos way more eloquent than me
Dave gets to his feet”
right because Dave is always so eloquent when it comes to delicate emotional matters lol
I don’t know why I’m finding this all so hilarious instead of tragic, maybe because it’s so melodramatic and in a way that feels scripted specifically by Dirk himself
ah, 3 quarters 
3 1/4′s
413 backwards now
“or even worse that he was somehow cosmically fated to become that person no matter what he wanted or did to prevent it “
I’m noticing more and more every time the phrase Cosmically fated is used in some form of Homestuck media its always bringing to mind ideas of Doc Scratch, like he’s the one who said it actually or it’s said in reference to him
so, +1 point to DS = DS again
“Gamzee:  I may not be all up and learned about his life, but I’ve got deep spirital connections to his death.”
yeah you sure do, and we’re not even talking about his decapitation right now aren’t we Gamzee?
This is actually a really solid point that the day “Dirk” died was the day his ultimate self got poisoned through the unholy merger that is Lord English/Caliborn/Gamzee/AR/Equius
So he’s probably been a bastard ever since Lord English started existing, which I mean “I am already here” blahblah means Dirk was very likely like this from the start potentially, but he was probbaly only really a bastard ever since Arquis got sucked into Caliborn/Gamzee
“GAMZEE: ThIs WaS nO cOiNcIdEnCe. It WaS a HiGhEr PoWeR gUiDiNg My PaTh.
GAMZEE: tHeSe PoWeRs MaDe SuRe ThAt I wOuLd Be ThErE, tO rEcEiVe A gReAt WaRrIoR’s FiNaL mEsSaGe, AnD rElAy It To YoU oN tHiS dArK aNd DrEaRy DaY oF dEaTh.
GAMZEE: HoNk!
The clown thrusts his hand somewhere beneath the waistband of his pants and starts obscenely rooting around. He retrieves a piece of paper, crumpled and soaked from the rain outside, and attempts to smooth it out over the lectern. The wet paper breaks apart immediately beneath his oafish clown paws.
GAMZEE: AwWw, ShIzZ. i GuEsS i’Ve GoT tO uP aNd WiNg It!”
yeah that note was probably the last shredded remnants of good dirk since there’s literally no reason to leave a sentimental note like that for his friends, makes sense Gamzee was guided by “a higher power” to grab it and make sure it gets relayed more like ruined to his friends
“KARKAT: THAT WAS HALF A HUNDRED WORDS TO EXPRESS A THREE LETTER SENTIMENT.
KARKAT: I’D SAY HE’S DOING FINE.”
What? How does “I’d say he’s doing fine” translate into “a three letter statement”?
Are they just hamfisting in the threes now or what?
“DAVE: i dunno dude thats
DAVE: a little fucked up actually
JOHN: you think so?
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: dirk was a complicated guy
DAVE: dude obviously had reasons for doing what he did
DAVE: if you go back and just rewrite his decision
DAVE: thats like denying him his personal autonomy
JOHN: huh. i... didn’t think about it that way.“
Yeah if only they’d realize that what Dirk needs is a huge heaping helping of someone pushing back against his dumb decisions for once
Gotta give it to John though, he’s struggling against this drugged up haze so hard, he knows getting married to Roxy isn’t right and tries to think about that
but then he gets caught up in the drugged up candy haze and starts giggling, yeah you guys are gonna be happy alright, happy in a nice little drugged up stupor
lampshaded by John still reaching out to terezi despite being at his human wedding
Aww, trolls don’t have a concept of weddings? well, that makes sense but still
oh man it just keeps happening, this is supposed to be the story where John and Roxy get their love story, but all were actually getting is the faded echoes of what should have been which is apparently John and Terezi
oh god, Jane, jane why did Gamzee have to be your third partner, what the fuck even
I don’t wanna think about Gamzee about in relationships nope this is where I start getting uncomfortable
confirmed jade attempting Blackrom with Karkat, that’s interesting, and she’s bad at it too meaning she must not really have an interest in it
oh wow, she’s really just doing it because she thinks its what Karkat would want isnt she? Girl really is just desperate for love
“Three months later, John is still thinking about his last conversation with Terezi.”
See, this is how you know the JohnRoxy relationship is doomed/not meant to be
John Egbert, lover of Con Air and Nic Cage, has a loving wife and (probably) daughter and NOT ONCE has this narrative shown them OR made the joke, we just absolutely passed over the whole wedding and birth event in one fell swoop of unrequited feelings jam with another woman
Why is Roxy praying? That’s such a weird thing to drop as a small detail, who would she even be praying too?
“What’s bugging him about it is that Roxy didn’t seem to have any suggestions of her own.”
Yeah relationships built on social chameleon-ing aren’t happy for the chameleon either
Yeah John, little bit late to be having this sudden realization that you didn’t actually solve the problem (LE) by running away from it, even if everyone else has accepted that version of events
“ JOHN: you gave me a list of instructions and told me that i had to use my retcon powers to go back to a very specific point in time to defeat lord english when he was still just a kid. “
*THEORY INCOMING KILL BILL SIRENS ACTIVATE*
Wait, is that what Rose said at the beginning? No it isn’t, I remember the bit about John has to go back inside canon and defeat Lord English, I don’t think the method was ever fully explained though, nor the idea that he had to defeat him as a kid, it was never said he had to go back in time, just go back to canon
and that’s not what happened in the Meat timeline either! Nobody went back in time to defeat Caliborn when he was a kid, they just had the big showdown with LE exactly the way Rose is describing that went horribly wrong
this is practically screaming NEITHER Meat or Candy is the true version of events 
Actually yeah, defeating Caliborn really IS the way this should be settled, because it’s also the way that Dirk get saved as well, can’t get his ultimate self tainted if the taint is destroyed before it ever comes into contact with him
also im rereading the prologue now, it’s is NEVER explicitly said that John has to go and defeat lord english’s child form!
She said “you have to go back to canon to defeat LE” NOT go back in time to defeat caliborn
and “you can’t recklessly attack his hulking adult form without the house juju”
not “you can’t attack him as an adult at all” but “you can do that WITHOUT the juju” and describes it being used in the same way that Vriska ended up doing in Meat
yeah, she never mentions any plan to defeat him as a child in the prologue, which probably means Rose only saw a vision of his defeat as an adult as well
It’s gonna be JOHN who gets the idea to go back and kill him as a kid, because that’s how he understood Rose’s instructions!
But this is great, everything is vaguely worded enough that it COULD be applied to a fight against a young caliborn too! but just hasn’t yet!
What if you take the empty cursor and fill it with a young caliborn? instead of unleashing a full one against an adult LE? which proves to be pretty useless in the long run despite Rose’s apparent clouded vision?
Rose even says herself its only purpose is as an empty vessel meant to be filled by something, talk about totally understanding yet missing the point, this is probably what she meant by being unable to see any path beyond the meat or candy routes, she couldnt see the possibility of using the juju on caliborn before everything goes down just like how it was used on John and friends to trap them in there in Meat!
It’s Caliborn’s destined time out spot! Removing him from Canon and from being able to influence it without needing to kill someone who technically hasnt done bad things yet but absolutely will in the future solving the baby adolf problem with Caliborn
Oh man, what if they even trick Caliborn on using it against himself? talk about an earthbound reference, defeat Gigyas (LE) by tricking Pokey (Caliborn)  to trap himself in the "Absolutely Safe Capsule” (House JuJu)
Oh man back on the Candy train though John’s having an absolute breakdown, being infused with that canon retcon power seems to be the only thing preserving his ability to care about stuff beyond this happy drugged up paradise
Earth C has become Homestuck’s Ba Sing Se
“ He braces himself, as if splashing an imaginary glass of cold water in his own face, and reminds himself once again that he has a wonderful life. A perfect life. He’s HAPPY, god damn it.”
You really aren’t John, this is very clear, dousing yourself with some more Void to try and drown that out ain’t helping
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pymdrake · 8 years ago
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got like 20+ messages on facebook/instagram/twitter after putting up the 413 event and my brain just melts to mush when i have more than 1 person at a time trying to interact with me lmao
i’ve ended up leading the charge and organising this year’s event (which i’m excited to do!) with the other 5 guys who usually organise it also helping out. i’m excited to lead it (not that there’s really much leading) and i’m happy i have the responsibility but god if i’m not on High Alert Anxiety Mode tonight with all these influx of messages lmao. Last year’s event was SO GOOD when cat organised it and I’ll be pleased if I can make this year’s even half as good.
not gonna be cosplaying to this one but I’m excited to see every single person who’s going. Can’t wait for me and Moj to unleash our pub quiz on you bastards. Half of it is piss easy and the other half of it’s impossible. Good luck lads.
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