#ALSO GREGS ANSWER. WE GET IT YOU AND TOM ARE SO CLOSE YOURE ALMOST ONE

[gregoftom]

if i had a nickel for every time sh*v projected greg or tom onto matsson while speaking to the other, i’d have two nickels, which isn’t much, but it’s weird that it’s happened twice.

[wizkiddx]

supercluster

this is my entry for @hollandsrecs 'toms birthday fanfic fest' event - go check it out!!! I know its a early but im v bored so have it now. also im acc kinda really proud of this one, any feedback would be v appreciated 🤍

the prompt was: 'you and tom are best friends and you tell him that you love him on his birthday'

summary: its toms birthday but he has a few things to get off his chest and into the night sky, y/n joins in with a bit of a revelation too

best friends -> lovers

warnings: mentions of alcohol, bit angsty but promise ends all fluffy and a shit tonne of dialogue

wc: 3.5k ishhh

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Everything got a little too wild and stuffy in the living area, Haz and Harry screaming sweet caroline, whilst Greg (Tom’s stunt man) was pouring *another* round of shots. The sweatiness and clamminess of the room meant Y/n took a moment to escape, sliding out the double doors, and closing them softly behind her to ensure no one would notice her little escape. Something about the midnight air, the slightly dewy smell of the neighbouring fields, felt like it was refreshing Y/n from the inside out. When she turned around, back facing the fancy rented house, she was slightly shocked by Tom standing in the garden. It was his birthday party after all. In all honesty, Y/n felt a bit guilty she hadn’t noticed he wasn’t in the thick of it with his brothers and castmates.

His silhouette was set against the clear night sky, the stars extra prominent this evening and the moon casting a soft glow off the left side of his face, exaggerating the natural contours of his jawline and cheekbones. Clearly, he was enraptured by the sky, staring up at it with a thoughtful look on his face.

And Y/n recognised that look instantly; she knew what he was doing.

In fact, he had taught her to do precisely the same thing. As kids, the Hollands, Y/n’s family and another two families from the local area all went camping together. It was an annual event, ‘the Kingston collective camping adventure’ as Dom had named it. Y/n couldn’t remember a year when they hadn’t gone actually - it was that much of a tradition.

One year, though, when she and Tom were about 9, her mothers’ due date coincided with the camping dates. So, sensibly, the decision had been made that Y/n and her brother would just be looked after by the Hollands - whilst her mum and dad were safely tucked up in bed at home, awaiting the arrival of her littlest brother.

Y/n, her brother Alex, and Tom were all sharing a tent, and it must’ve been at least midnight that Tom was awoken by shuffling and zipping up of the tent. He’d realised she was gone through sleepy eyes and, without a second thought, went to go find her. Sure enough, she wasn’t far away, not even 50 metres from the tent, crouched on the grass. Immediately Tom’s presence had been noticed, making Y/m quickly snivel and wipe her face.

“Are you upset?”

“Go away Tom.” The comment didn’t do a lot, though; instead, 9-year-old Tom had planted himself down next to her - his pyjamas getting wet on the moist grass floor.

“Are you missing Auntie Sarah and Uncle Mike?” In the same way that Y/n called Nikki and Dom auntie and uncle, the Holland boys mirrored the nicknames for her parents. Y/n replied with a long sigh before hiccuping, failing to control the stream of tears. Yes, he was right - this was her first night away from her parents- but she wasn't about to spill her heart out to the 'stupid boy' who had stolen one of her marshmallows that evening. Tom’s little brown eyes swelled, looking slightly terrified and out of his depth, whilst with all his 9 years of wisdom, trying to come up with an answer.

“Do you want to play football to forget about it?”

Unsurprisingly Y/n shook her head violently. Tom cursed inwardly at himself for saying the wrong thing, apparently football wasn't the answer to everything. The two children went back to silence until Tom had the metaphorical light bulb moment. “My mum told me something for when I got to sleepovers? Look!” He grabbed Y/n’s little hand, extending it upwards towards the night sky.

“No matter where you are, you’re all looking at the same stars too, right?”

Tom jumped a little before looking over his shoulder and recognising Y/n with the softest smile that grew across his face. Y/n slowly walked to his side, arms crossed over her chest to try and keep the cold at bay, joining Tom in staring up at the starry expanse.

“How do you always know?” Tom spoke in a breathy chuckle, shaking his head slightly. It was true, she did always know - but his question was somewhat irrelevant. They'd spent most their childhood together, they were as easy to read as a children’s book to each other.

“Missing home?”

“Sort of, I got my own slice of home with the boys and-and you but… pads, mum dad yeh, feel like on your birthday your always supposed to see your family.”

Although Harry, Harrison, Sam and Y/n had managed to fly out to surprise Tom on his birthday- prior commitments meant his parents and youngest brother hadn’t been able to make it. They four arrived yesterday, greeted by a very shocked and pretty emotional Tom - who had clearly been missing the sense of home somewhat. He’d been away shooting a film, then straight away launching into press for the next spiderman movie. It had been a long while since he’d been in London - half a year in fact.

This time too, he’d been away without a single family member or friend - that was another truth he’d learnt about growing up. Your friends and family, they all get lives of their own. Tom used to be a trailblazer, the first to get a job, the one everyone was super proud of. They still were, of course, but didn’t dote on him in quite the same way - everyone had their own shit to deal with. It was yet another reason Tom wasn’t welcoming his birthday as much as he usually would.

“Your parents did always spoil you rotten.”

“They spoilt you worst and you’re not technically their kid.” Y/n rolled her eyes, even if it might slightly true - muttering a ‘touche’ at the brown-haired boy next to her. Their families had always been close; naturally the adults seemed to gravitate more to the kids that weren’t their own. The ones who you could ‘give back’ at the end of the day. It just so happened Nikki and Dom had always loved having Y/n around, maybe a bit more than anyone else.

“Have you had a good birthday then? You should be in there with Greg pouring that shitty vodka down your throat.” Y/n questioned, whilst shrugging back toward the house, the dull thump of Jacob's playlist just audible. Still, both stared upwards, standing close enough that their upper arms were both pressed up against each other. She expected a jovial answer, but even from his tone, it was evident there was something up. He sounded…weary?

“I’m bloody glad you all came...don’t get me wrong, I love Z and Jacob and everyone but….”

“Shitty week?”

“Shitty birthday week of promo and press.” Tom scathed, and Y/n nodded. Even if she couldn’t understand what was so bad about press, she knew that Tom hated it passionately. And in the same way, he loved all his castmates dearly, but they hadn’t known him his whole life. They didn’t understand why he did every little thing; their values lay just that bit apart. It just wasn’t the same as being surrounded with his family - you and Harrison adopted Hollands too.

“I just feel like I’ve spent all week trapped in a room answering the most stupid, irrelevant and inconsequential questions... Everything’s just so surface level and fake and, and I-“He cut himself off, for the first time meeting Y/n’s eyes. In all honesty, Tom got a bit caught up in the stars reflecting off her piercing y/e/c eyes before changing tack.

“Will you do me a favour?”

This wasn’t spoken with the normal Tom tone. It wasn’t joking or jovial; it wasn’t an ‘off the tongue’ thing. This was spoken with such seriousness and gravitas coming from his deep voice that Y/n replied equally truthfully.

“Always T, you know that.”

“Will you please ask me a personal and serious and deep question?”

She got where he was coming from too.

Clearly, even though the evening was supposed to be a light piss up in celebration, it had instead unearthed some darker thoughts that Tom had been harbouring away. Perhaps he never even realised he needed such seriousness, or perhaps with his castmates he hadn’t felt comfortable exposing himself like that. Either way, Y/n was going to respect him now. It was technically his birthday, too; the clocks had already struck 12 - it was now his day.

It wasn’t tricky to think of one; she’d often wondered the same question of him - never with the opportunity to ask. The question popped into her head again, almost as soon as Tom asked for one.

“Okay…. What’s your deepest regret that makes you feel guilty for feeling because in the grand scheme of things, it minor? Like such a 'first world problem'." What do you regret that’s just completely selfish?”

Tom immediately stiffened, his jaw tensing as he worked through his thoughts in his head. Scared she’d pushed it too far, Y/n averted her gaze back to the sky, chewing her bottom lip slightly. It took a moment, but then she saw Tom turn towards her, in the peripheries of her vision. With a tightly closed-lip smirk on his face he joked “If your gonna ask questions like that, we better sit down.”

And so they did, both sitting crossed legged on the ground, knees brushing against each other. Just on the grass lawn, almost mirroring themselves all those years ago as kids in that camping site. Y/n wondered if she should offer to play football instead - to cheer him up.

“Missing out. I miss out months at a time. Miss out on seeing mum and dad, miss out on the pub quizzes with the boys, miss out seeing you… I mean, I didn’t even know you had a new job until you mentioned it this morning. I miss out on time with nana Tess and all my grandparents, and that’s scary cos… well, every time I go, it could be the last time… I don’t know, I just… I get so much, get to travel, to see the world, but… sometimes it feels like I’m sacrificing the foundations. And without the foundations….”

“The walls come crumbling down.” Y/n finished off his sentence quietly, barely whispering the words - but from Tom’s nod of agreement, it seemed like she’d hit the nail on the head. There was silence for a beat till Y/n whispered to him.

“Well, happy birthday to you” Trying to bring the mood up a little, she bumped his shoulder, and Tom chuckled breathily.

“Seriously! This is helping me out. I-I just need to get everything out and start my 25th year fresh.”

“Hey, if that’s all you want, I’m getting a refund on my present- we can just get deep and interview each other.”

“I’m game, except I’m keeping the present too.”

“Just because it’s your birthday and I’m a bit tipsy, I’ll allow it.”

“Okay, well then, Y/n L/n”, He spoke formally, leaning in closer and making her giggle a little. “What’s your biggest regret?”

“Honestly?” Tom just repeated her in reply, but this time it was a statement.

"Honestly."

He really was going deep too. No holding back now. Y/n sucked on her cheek before replying. “Not travelling with you when we were 19… I was just so determined to get to uni and start grown-up life, but… well, grown-up life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I should’ve tried to stay a kid longer, messing about on your film sets and pretending it was work. I think I would’ve learnt more from seeing the world with you.”

“Well, I am very knowledgable.”

“Shut up, you drop out- who didn't know what a drag race was.” She wasn’t wrong, and whilst yes, he had dropped out to be a film star - he was still a dropout. (with exceptionally poor knowledge of RuPaul) He scowled, then leaning back on his hands, so he was half reclined on the grass as Y/n thought of her next question.

“Whats your biggest worry?”

“Easy.” He chuffed, making Y/n furrow her brows at him. Clearly, he’d already thought of this. “That I finally settle down with the love of my life, and then the fans or press or paps ruin it.”

It made sense; every time Tom had gone public with a relationship, it had ended in a minor car crash. Typically it was also the girl who got hurt; she was the ‘victim’ in everything. Though Y/n had seen first hand the effect it had had on Tom - he never made it out damage-free.

“You make it sound like you’ve already got this dream girl queued and waiting.”

“I wish”, Tom sighed, as Y/n took the opportunity to completely lie down on the grass, staring up at the dark abyss. She’d always loved the stars and had become a bit of a geek on them as they’d grown up too- and maybe it was all down to Tom on that camping trip. Following suit, Tom copied her, his head resting on his hands that were crossed behind his head, taking in the moment of pure peace as they lay on the grass.

“You see that bright one there?” Pointing up, Y/n shimmied closer to him so that he definitely saw the same thing as her. “It’s actually not one. Look closer.” Humming, Tom shifted a bit closer, so her shoulder slotted under the side of his body just the teeniest bit. It meant he could follow her direction and squinted up at the little patch of the sky.

“ 5…maybe 6? What is it?”

“The pliedes supercluster…. basically a big group of stars that all were born from the same place- the same stellar nursery.”

“But they’re moving now?” She hummed in confirmation to his question, briefly glancing at the way his eyes were fixed on the sky. For the first time he seemed genuinely interested in hearing her stories of the stars. It usually was an eye roll and ‘you’re so lame’.

“They’re called the sibling stars… like everything in life, as they get older they drift apart but…. but to us down here? They’ll always be associated together because they have a gravitational effect on each other. They’ll always have their thing tying them together. Like an invisible string.”

“Sounds like you’re being metaphorical.” Tom chuckled, expecting a taunt back but receiving nothing except a gentle agreement.

“Theres also actually 7. The last one people can only sometimes see… it’s a pulsing star, so comes and goes.”

“They do that?”

“Yeh, and no matter what… if you can see it or not, it’s always there. Always having an impact on its family.”

Biting his lower lip slightly, Tom repositioned his head slightly, Y/n’s words taking time to be fully absorbed. He was sure she was making parallels to him. Barely there, appearing and disappearing, but always a part of the family.

“You are being metaphorical.”

“Maybe.” She whispered shortly. “Metaphors depend on who’s listening and if they draw parallels to their own life. It’s subjective. You can’t tell anyone what is and isn’t metaphor…. it takes the beauty out of it.”

“Right, sure... But if you were…. me, harry, Sam, pads, you, Haz, Tuwaine? That the 7?” Y/n held back the little smile at his words. Tom wasn’t as ‘head in the clouds’ as she was- he was literal. Also, he was bloody stubborn when he wanted to be.

“I wasn’t being metaphorical T.” He knew she was lying. She knew that he knew. But it still helped him, made him feel a bit better. That he was always, in some way, having some effect... lives always intertwined with the people he cared about the most.

“Tell me another story about another star.”

Time for the rest of the night kind of got lost. The two young adults just lay on the grass, entirely in their own little world, using each others body heat to keep themselves warm through the early hours. Neither felt remotely tired, Y/n whispering her little stories of both the myths and science of the old stars, pointing out each planet. Meanwhile, Tom listened in awe, for once not taking the mick out of her incredibly geeky hobby. Instead, he found himself getting fascinated by all the little intricacies Y/n was so passionate about.

It was only when the stars began to fade, as orangey-red hue started to seep up from the horizon the either noticed the time. It was now the morning of the next day, the house long since had turned silent behind them - presumably, everyone finally passing out shit faced.

As the stars’ light was overtaken by the rising sun, Y/n ran out of stories; the two settled into silence - neither quite ready to go to bed yet.

“It’s still my turn,” Tom spoke into the sky before pivoting his head to look Y/n in the eye, seeing the confusion in her furrowed brows. “It’s my question to ask. My turn.”

“Aren’t you sick of my voice yet?” There was absolutely no reason that they were both whispering. It wasn’t like anyone was trying to listen or that they’d disturb anyone else my talking normally. But it was nicer that way. It felt calming... intimate even.

“One more. And then you get one more… and then we really should probably go to bed.” He didn’t want the night to end; he was immensely enjoying this weird grey time between being 25 and 26. But it was cold, Tom could tell Y/n had started to feel it a little more. To be fair, she was only in a floral day dress, not much in the way of warmth. With a hum of agreement, Y/n smiled lightly at him, urging his question.

“Whats the biggest secret you’ve kept from me?”

With a bit of a scoff, Y/n sighed and closed her eyes, trying to draw some strength she wasn’t sure she had. It wasn’t like she needed to wrack her brains to come up with it - she knew instantly. Almost painfully too.

“Uhm, honestly?” Now even more intrigued, Tom nodded, using his foot for nudge hers - encouraging her to speak. “Probably how much you mean to me.”

“Oh” He couldn’t help it; the sound just slipped out his mouth without checking with his brain first. That answer had just been so unexpected. He had honestly been thinking that it would be something about how ‘fame had changed him’. After hearing that, Y/n turned her head up the sky again, feeling like her cheeks were on fire with embarrassed heat. Tom knew he had fucked up.

“No, I… I didn’t mean- just just ask me too.” With a sigh, Y/n waved off his stumbled answer as he tried to cover himself.

“This is stup-“

“Ask me!” For the first time in 5 hours, Tom spoke at an normal volume - but it felt painfully loud, like a shout.

“What’s the biggest secret you kept from me?” Her tone was defeated, but nevertheless, he answered.

“How upset I was when you didn’t come when we were 19. I got why, but it was still annoying. Felt like you were picking uni friends over me-“ At this point on any other evening, Y/n would have interjected and argued. None of this situation was normal, though, so she chose to hear him out. “- I know it’s stupid, but…. I guess that’s how much you meant an-and still mean to me too.”

There was silence for a couple minutes, waiting whilst the sun started to peep over the horizon, the lone witness to an otherwise very private conversation. That was until Y/n barely spoke, more like mouthed 2 simple words.

“I lied.” The intensity of the way Tom stared at her made Y/n wish that the sun hadn’t been so bright, that they were back in the darkness that hid her face more. “Biggest lie I’ve told you … that I’m not in love with you.”

Y/n didn’t see because she couldn’t face looking at him, but Tom’s face erupted into the most prominent, toothiest smile. Whilst Tom was enjoying the moment of being absolutely ecstatic, Y/n was waiting for a response- feeling her world come crashing in. That she'd just destroyed one of the most important friendships in her life too.

But then he said the opposite of what she thought he would.

“I lied too.”

That had her attention, whipping her head toward him as Tom rolled onto his side on the lawn, balancing with his head resting on one hand. “I lied that I’ve not been completely under your spell since we were kids at that campsite, and you were homesick.”

Y/n’s heart was literally in her mouth, brain overwhelmed but one overriding thought oh so bloody clear.

She’d lost control of everything, arching up to mirror Tom. Using one hand, she reached out to cup Tom’s jaw, to which he instinctively leant toward - until their lips were mere centimetres apart, hot breath fanning over each other.

Y/n no control as she whispered those 3 words against his lips. No control at how immediately after he pressed his to hers; no control as Tom guided her to roll on top of him, knees either side of his torso as his strong arms wrapped around her back.

Once again, time was lost between the two, only pulling apart when their lungs burned for oxygen.

“For the record, I love you too.” Grinning from ear to ear, Tom used one hand to gently stroke his thumb across her cheek, switching his focus from her left to right eye - in wonder at how the early morning sun reflected from her y/e/c irises. He’d always thought she was beyond beautiful, but when she was this close to him, with the sun rising behind her in such a way - she looked damn ethereal.

“Happy birthday T.” Nodding in agreement, Tom chuckled before finding her lips once again, whispering against them.

“Yeh, happy damn birthday to me.”

~~~~let me know what you think ;) ~~~~~

tagging: @hallecarey1 @hollandfanficlove @crossyourpeter

[hardcorehardigan]

[Cover: GREG WILLIAMS/AUGUST IMAGES]

Tom Hardy interview and exclusive David Bailey shot

Tom Hardy interview and exclusive David Bailey shot

By DANIELLE DE WOLFE

02 September 2015

ShortList meets the British actor who took on the Kray twins and won. Plus an exclusive image of the actor taken by the inimitable David Bailey.

Interviewing Tom Hardy is not like interviewing other film stars. From the moment he arrives – alone, dressed down in hiking trousers and black T-shirt, puffing away on a complex-looking digital e-cigarette – it is immediately clear this is not someone who will be exhibiting any kind of on-promotional-duties polish. He is very, very nice (I get a hug at the end of the interview), but there is unmistakably a wired edginess about him. When we sit down, it starts like this:

Me: I’m going to start with an obvious question, which is… Hardy: Have you seen the film? Me: Yes. I… Hardy: Right, well that’s the first question, then. The second one is, “What did you think?” I tell him I loved it, and why, and he is pleased (“That’s a f*cking result!”). When we move on to me asking him questions, his answers – again, in contrast to other film stars, with whom the game is to get them to veer slightly away from prepared, succinct monologues – are smart and eloquent, but long, drawn-out and enjoyably all over the place, veering off into tangents prompted by thoughts that have clearly just formulated. At the end of our allotted time, we are told to wind it up not once but twice, and even then he is still going, launching into theories about American versus British gangster films and life and humanity and such things (“Sorry man, I can talk for f*cking ever!” he laughs). He will be talking with a seriousness and sincerity (“All the risk was taken by [writer and director] Brian [Helgeland], to be fair…”), then will switch without warning into a piercing, mock-hysterical falsetto (“…letting me PLAY BOTH F*CKING ROLES, MAN!”).

In fact, briefly, while we’re on the subject of the way he speaks…

Tom Hardy’s normal speaking voice is not something we have been privy to onscreen. Since he delivered – whatever your opinion of it – the most imitated cinematic voice of the decade in The Dark Knight Rises, we haven’t come close. That thick Welsh accent in Locke, The Drop’s quiet Brooklyn drawl, the Russian twang in Child 44: we just never hear it. And this might be because it doesn’t exist. It’s five years ago, but if you watch his Jonathan Ross appearance in 2010, where he is very well spoken, he confesses he “sometimes picks up accents, and sometimes I don’t know how I’m going to sound until I start speaking”. If you then watch another video of a feature on GMTV, dated just a month previous, while addressing some young people from troubled backgrounds as part of his charity work with the Prince’s Trust, he is speaking to them in a south London street kid drawl. Today, in the flesh, he is about halfway between these two.

A natural-born chameleon.

Tom Hardy shot by David Bailey for ShortList

BEING DOUBLE

The role we are here to discuss today does not, by Tom Hardy’s own standards at least, involve a huge stretch accent-wise. But it is “the hardest thing that I’ve ever done, technically”. This is because, as mentioned, he plays not one role, but two. In the same film. You will likely have seen the posters for Legend by now, depicting Hardy as both of the Kray twins. Which seems an ambitious, almost foolhardy undertaking.

Hardy agrees. “It is one of them situations,” he says. “You get an actor to play two characters, and immediately, it’s pony. It’s gonna be rubbish. Just: no. It’s a bad idea.”

This particular “bad idea” came to him when he first met writer and director Brian Helgeland (who had previously written screenplays for – no biggie – LA Confidential and Mystic River) for dinner. Brian wanted Hardy to play Reggie (the hetero, alpha male, more-straight-down-the-line Kray). Hardy, though, had read the script, and of course, being Tom Hardy, was drawn to the more complex character. “I was like, ‘Well, I feel Ronnie,’” he says. “So which actor am I gonna give up Ronnie to, if I play Reggie? Errrrrggh…. I can’t have that. ’Cos that’s all the fun there! And Reggie’s so straight! But there was a moment when I could have come away just playing Reggie. We could have gone and found a superlative character actor to play Ronnie, and that would have been the best of everything."

But Helgeland sensed the dissatisfaction in his potential leading man. “I’m sitting there thinking, ‘Oh, he wants to play Ron,’” he tells me. “And the paraphrased version is that by the end of the dinner, I said, ‘I’ll give you Ron if you give me Reg.’”

And so began their quest to turn a risky, potentially disastrous idea into something special (as Brian puts it to me, “the movie’s either gone right or gone wrong before anyone even starts working on it”). Hardy found some comfort in Sam Rockwell’s two-interacting-characters performance in Moon. “I’m a big fan of Sam,” he says.

“And Moon gave me reason to go, ‘I know it’s possible to hustle with self, to create a genuine dialogue with self.’ So then it’s the technical minefield: can you authentically create two characters within a piece at all? So that the audience can look past that and engage in the film? It is what it is: it’s two characters played by the same actor. But I think we got to a point where people forget that and are genuinely watching the story."

This was the ‘why I liked the film’ reasoning I gave to him at the beginning of the interview. And it is a remarkable performance, or pair of performances, or triumph of technical direction. The opening shot features both Tom Hardy Krays sitting in the back of a car, and feels strange, but very quickly, within about 10 or 15 minutes, you settle into it, and forget that it is actually the same guy. This was made possible, in part, by Hardy’s stunt double from Mad Max: a New Zealander named Jacob Tomuri.

“He inherited the hardest job of my career,” Hardy grins. “I put on a pair of glasses, played every scene with Ron, then took ’em off and played Reg. And we went through every scene in the film, recording it on the iPhone. So he’s got every scene of me doing both characters, on his iPhone. He actually played both brothers, had to learn all of the lines. He was paying attention twice as hard to keep up. But he superseded that, and was eventually ad-libbing. There’s a line that ended up in the film, where Ronnie goes, ‘I bent him up like a pretzel, I hurt him really f*cking badly.’” “Where did that come from?!” Hardy shrieks, in that falsetto again. “It came from New Zealand."

The wife’s tale

The other big potential pitfall, as Hardy sees it, was contributing to the ongoing glamorisation and eulogising of two brothers who were, to say the least, not very nice. Somehow they have become almost as iconic a piece of the Sixties puzzle as the Beatles or the Stones. But this was not something that Legend would be setting out to reinforce. “One has to approach these things thinking about the families of the victims who were involved in the other end of it,” he says. “Before you find the heart to like somebody, you’ve gotta look at their track record as best as possible: the people who’ve been hurt, the bodies, the suffering, people who were bullied, who lived in terror, who lost significant parts of their lives in the wake of these two men. There’s a lot of sh*t to wade through. And a lot of people who do not, quite rightly, want to see anything to do with these two men. And if I were them, I wouldn’t want to be involved myself, but there’s also part of me that wants to know. That wants to get under the skin.”

So how do you go about doing that? About humanising, to any extent, such people?

“I think the first port of call is, ‘Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to do and say whatever you wanted to do and say in the world, regardless of the ramifications and the consequences?’ Ultimately, when I – we – go to the cinema or read a book or we go to escape, we respond to certain types of characters that go, ‘F*ck it: I’m gonna do whatever I want.'

And that’s because we can’t. Because most people would feel a responsibility.”

The answer to how Legend would do this came in the shape of a person who did feel some responsibility, namely Frances Shea: the troubled wife of Reggie, who died in 1967. Played by Emily Browning, she became the centre of the film when Helgeland met Krays associate Chris Lambrianou, who told him that “Frances was the reason we all went to prison”.

“We could have put more of the carnage and the crimes in that film,” says Hardy. “Not to say that it is not there, but what you do see, really, is Reggie, Ronnie and Frances. That’s the dynamic we focused on, that space, which hasn’t been seen before. What was that dynamic like? I don’t know if we came anywhere near the truth, because we weren’t there. But that was the playing field, if you like: Frances Shea, future ahead of her, caught up in something, and no one with her, the suicide. That sits with me in a way as the lead. She’s who we forgot. Ronnie, Reggie, they’ve done their bit. Frances was forgotten. And that kind of all ties it together for me."

FUTURE LEGENDS

The initial praise for Legend has been plentiful, but the mindset of Tom Hardy right now is such that he does not have the time to bask in it. There are other quite ludicrously challenging projects to be pressing ahead with. Coming in autumn is The Revenant, starring his good friend Leonardo DiCaprio and directed by Alejandro González Iñárritu of Birdman fame. Its trailer, as well as doing the not-going-anywhere trend for big beards no harm whatsoever, suggests that it will also match Mad Max in terms of an unrelenting barrage of intensity. Further into the future there’s the Elton John biopic Rocketman (initial challenge? Hardy “can’t sing”) and another foray into comic-book adaptation with 100 Bullets (news of which broke just after our interview).

And right now, as in this week, he’s working on a BBC series called Taboo, which is set in 1813 and stars Hardy as an adventurer who comes back from Africa and builds a shipping empire. The story has been developed by his production company Hardy Son & Baker (formed with his father, Chips) and has been written and directed by Locke/Peaky Blinders creator Steven Knight, with Ridley Scott also exec producing.

“We’re sat on something really awesome,” says Hardy. “And it’s trying to piece it together. I’ve never produced anything before, so I basically don’t know what I’m doing. But I’ve got some options and solutions: if you say something is not working, you better come up with at least four other options. But it’s good. It’s just different.”

Another day, another big challenge. Another chance to do something different. It isn’t an easy life being Tom Hardy. But neither will it ever a boring one, and that’s good news for us.

Legend is at cinemas from 9 September

Words: Hamish MacBain. Images: David Bailey, Studio Canal

You can also read the Hardy interview in this week's ShortList Magazine. It'd be a crime to miss it.

Source: https://www.shortlist.com/news/tom-hardy-interview-and-exclusive-david-bailey-shot

[love-takes-work]

Steven Universe Podcast: The Fantasy of Steven Universe

This is an outline of the Steven Universe Podcast regarding “The Fantasy of Steven Universe”: an issue of the podcast in which the creators and writers discuss a multitude of deep issues, along with some Q&A from both fans and insiders. No volume number or episode number was given for this one. The official description:

It's the last new podcast episode of the season and we asked the cast and Cartoon Network Executive team to submit questions to Steven Universe creator Rebecca Sugar and former Executive Producer Ian Jones-Quartey! They tackle everything from design to wormholes to escapism to advice to your younger self and dreaming big. Then former writers Matt Burnett and Ben Levin sit down with Rebecca to discuss lessons learned, achieving goals, and what they hope people take away from the show. And finally, Kat Morris and Joe Johnston return to answer a last batch of Fan Q&A!

This is a long podcast with a long summary, so as usual I will give you a bulleted list of highlights, followed by a detailed summary.

Highlights:

Many of the show’s themes and important elements were there right from the beginning--all the way back to the pilot.

Rebecca Sugar comments that she didn’t really learn how to have fun until 2016.

Figuring out how to pace the show out and reveal each piece of information at the right time so it could support another later revelation was very exciting to the writers. They had the pieces laid out like a puzzle on their table.

Mostly self-contained episodes still gave the audience a piece of information or represented growth for a character. The less “plotty” episodes helped keep the energy up.

The Crewniverse knew that their titles were sometimes trollish, but Ben was honestly surprised that people expected apocalyptic happenings for “Last One Out of Beach City.” It was just a Less Than Jake reference.

Rebecca really enjoyed getting the chance to “damsel” Greg for the Zoo arc; she really wanted to use a lot of princess tropes, even that one.

Viewers should take away from the show messages of compassion, self-love leading to ability to connect with others, ability to understand and listen to others, and opportunities to see themselves as well as to see others.

Rebecca has drawn all of Fluorite’s component Gems, but all she’ll say is “they’re fun.”

Lars and Lion are not immortal, but they will live for a very long time and have slowed-down lifespans. Kat Morris says Lars may have no sense of taste; that if he eats it’s just for sustenance.

Lars has all the same powers as Lion. He can indeed do a sonic blast and make portals and walk on water. They weren’t able to work this into an episode we’ve seen, but Rebecca assures us that Lars will discover his abilities and it will be “really funny.”

The Crew had specific voice actors they wanted for the Diamonds. They got who they wanted cast by writing excited letters. Susan Egan’s was particularly weird because she had to play Tiny Floating Whale first.

Blue Diamond was the most difficult Diamond to design because her hair was hard to decide on. Rebecca’s influences for her were Martha Graham’s “Lamentation” dance and Fruma Sarah’s ghost from Fiddler on the Roof.

Yellow Diamond was mostly directly inspired by Patti LuPone’s performance as Evita.

White Diamond was influenced by many old-timey vibes, including Hedy Lamarr in Ziegfeld Girl and the artistry of Nell Brinkley. She had heavy eyelashes and fingernails--lots of design elements they did not incorporate into other characters, so she could adhere to old, “stifling” beauty standards.

Rebecca was disappointed that reveals of Pink’s full jester-like outfit got out before we saw it in the show. Her hair was originally higher in early designs, which contributed to her mural having spikier hair.

Greg is based almost entirely on Tom Scharpling; Rebecca was comforted by his voice when she had upheavals in her life. There’s also a little bit of inspiration from various Crewniverse dads in him.

Another Gem could have a hybrid child like Steven only if they had enough power to do it and the complete commitment to the idea that Pink had.

Steven and his “Gem self” are not really separable and can’t exist independently of each other. His Gem half will not remain if his organic half dies. They are one being. He will likely have a very long life because of his Gem powers, but (though the Crew agrees this is grim), he will probably die before the Gems do.

The Jade Fusion won’t be in trouble anymore once the Jades come out of their bubbles; in Era 3, the act they were punished for is no longer disallowed. However, the trauma of being isolated and then punished as soon as they felt it was safe to fuse may require some healing. Rebecca assures us they should be able to have the opportunity to heal and be okay.

Obsidian definitely has future vision powers. In fact, they’re expanded to the point that the noise is difficult to interpret; very powerful, but difficult to get anything useful with them.

Pearl became a more maternal character because of her voice actor, Deedee Magno Hall, being “such a mom.”

Zach Callison as Steven was so genuine and professional to work with, and the vibe in the booth with regard to him was closely mirrored in the show.

Sometimes Deedee’s or Michaela’s ways of interacting with Zach would influence how Pearl or Amethyst would interact with Steven.

People would give lots of space and reverence to Estelle when she was reading her lines, which parallels how the other characters treat Garnet.

Only Steven can take anyone or anything through the pink space connected to Lars’s hair and Lion’s mane, but yes, Steven could take Lars through Lion’s mane, and if he stuck his head out, there’d be infinite Larses sticking out of infinite Lars’s hair until he pulled his head back in.

Designing new characters requires lots of back and forth and hundreds of drawings. Rebecca asks “why,” not “what”--why are you including something in a character’s design? If it doesn’t contribute to who they are, why is it there?

Influences on the show that may have been missed by some fans include G.I. Joe the animated series, Future Boy Conan, and Mr. Bug Goes to Town.

In response to Deedee requesting a fusion between Pearl and any of Rebecca’s childhood favorite cartoons, she suggests maybe either Bart or Detective Conan, then says she’ll have to think about it and get back to Deedee.

Advice Rebecca Sugar might have given her younger self was that it would be okay and she’d get to tell the story she wanted to tell--but also that she should eat, drink water, and exercise.

One profound thing Rebecca learned while working on the show was that she can be out and bisexual regardless of who she’s with, and that it DOES matter.

One profound thing Ian learned while working on the show was that the story you want to tell doesn’t have to be constrained by the medium--and your fantasy story isn’t necessarily someone else’s fantasy. You can tell your story.

The detailed summary is below!

[Archive of Steven Universe Podcast Summaries]

McKenzie kicks the podcast into gear and starts by asking Rebecca Sugar, Matt Burnett, and Ben Levin about the intentions for the show: what did they think it was going to be, and did it end up being that?

Ben shares an anecdote about how their agent seemed to have thought Steven Universe was based on Rebecca's comic Pug Davis, but then they saw the animatic and it was completely different from what the agent described. Matt felt that the themes and certain important elements of the show were already there from the animatic at the beginning. They were excited to see the show even if they might not end up getting to work on it, and they could tell just from the pilot that there was a lot of mythology to be unearthed. One of Ben's expectations that did not pan out was that he thought there would be more dungeon crawling episodes, but that was not the reality because . . . it turns out episodes like that are really difficult to do.

As for Rebecca, she says she had many goals for the show, and one thing she likes to do with projects is make them about something she hasn't truly figured out yet. The big thing for Steven Universe in Rebecca's mind was the issue of gendered cartoons for children. She felt uncomfortable growing up, because socially she was expected to like what girls like but her favorite things were "for boys," while "girl" cartoons did NOT appeal to her. She felt guilty and weird about it, and so with her cartoon she wanted to attack that at first, use and scramble the language others had used to put her in that position. As she worked on Steven Universe more, she realized that some of the things she wasn't allowed to love as a kid were things she DID love. Learning to understand herself better allowed her to build a better relationship with the symbols and elements of children's cartoons that she could have authentic feelings about. She feels she learned a lot.

Next, McKenzie wants to know which episodes were the most fun to write (or throw ideas around for).

Rebecca quips that she did not learn to have fun until 2016.

Ben says he and Matt had fun though. Their job was to take Rebecca's ideas and figure out how to squeeze her thoughts into 11 minutes. Ben thought it was important to reveal something new about a focus character in each episode. Rebecca thought it was exciting to pace out what to reveal when; she says all the elements were on the table "like a giant puzzle." They had to carefully place when we would understand each thing as the audience before they could do something that built on it. She felt it was "like painting a picture across time." You couldn't do something like "Change Your Mind" at the beginning--you needed all those pieces to get it at all.

Putting yourself in the audience's mind as a writer is important, Ben says. Infodumping doesn't work, and laying the groundwork before you start a story isn't the best way to make a story meaningful. Matt thinks the big story payoffs at the end of season 5 were discussed in the first two weeks of planning, and they all thought it would be so cool to finally get there.

The things that were the most fun were actually the deviations from those stories, though they kept with the themes. The "random idea" episodes that felt more like one-offs were responsible for keeping the energy up, according to Matt. "Steven and the Stevens," for instance, was pretty self-contained (and needed a diagram to keep it together). Rebecca points out that "self-contained" episodes were mostly the goal, but you'd still see a change in the character or get an important piece of information in each one. Steven is LITERALLY not the same character anymore after "Steven and the Stevens."

Weaving the "infodump" stuff into Steven's personal growth was important for the type of story they were writing. They also joke about how certain episode titles were very trollish, like "Last One Out of Beach City" and "Rising Tides, Crashing Skies." (Both of those were definitely NOT "apocalyptic" at all.) They were aware that titles could send a message, but Ben was actually really surprised at the expectations surrounding "Last One Out of Beach City" because for him it was just a Less Than Jake reference. ^___^

They also enjoyed getting to do whole new environments with mini-worldbuilding, like the human zoo. The zoo arc comes up and Rebecca remarks on how much she enjoyed "damseling Greg." She really wanted to do pretty much every princess trope in some way, even that one, and she just loved having the opportunity to have Blue carry Greg away "just like Peach."

McKenzie next asks the group what's something they want people who have watched the whole show so far to come away with at this point.

Ben says he's not sure about others, but he feels the show lets us take home messages of being in touch with your genuine feelings and expressing what they are. Matt agrees with Ben about how the show helps viewers learn to see others' perspectives. They hope people had the opportunity to see themselves represented on the show, and that some people got the opportunity to see representations of people they'd never seen before--and that those people who were newly exposed to folks they'd never thought about before would learn to be more compassionate.

Rebecca wants people to come away with the notion that they must learn to love themselves. That it is close to impossible to connect with others if you haven't learned how to love yourself. Kids deserve to be able to express themselves as long as they aren't destroying themselves or others in the process. She thinks sometimes kids are sent destructive messages about how it isn't okay to be themselves, and that people they trust might be shutting them down, but this show is a message to say it's wrong of them to do that and they deserve the freedom to be who they are and say so. Being allowed to talk about how you feel shouldn't be some kind of fantasy. It should be reality.

The next segment of the podcast involves Kat Morris and Joe Johnston answering fan questions with Rebecca Sugar!

Q: Has there been any thought as to what Fluorite's Gem components are?

A: Joe just immediately says "NO" and Kat teases him, but Rebecca speaks up and says of course she has drawn them all. She gave it to Colin and then says "I don't know where it went." The only thing Rebecca is willing to say about it is "they're fun."

Q: Are Lars and Lion immortal now? Or is their aging process just extremely slowed down?

A: Kat agrees that their aging process is just slow. About as slow as Lars's heartbeat in "Lars' Head." Kat points out that she and Joe have disagreements about what Lars's life is like. She thinks Lars probably lost his sense of taste and only just eats occasionally to sustain his body. Rebecca says "they'll live a really, really long time," and Kat says "longer than they'll want to."

Q: Can Lars do the Lion roar warp thing, or does he have his own power?

A: Kat says he can! They tried to write stories around it but never quite did it. Kat jokes that he can do it if maybe he gets tickled or something. Joe says he can make a warp and he can make a sonic blast with his voice. When they discuss whether he's figured that out yet, Rebecca replies that he WILL figure it out at some point, and when he does, "it'll be REALLY funny. Don't worry about it." They speculate that maybe that's how Lars was getting around doing space pirate stuff (infiltrating the Citrine asteroid and the Cosmic Jubilee), but there's also the fact that he doesn't have a Gem and can't be scanned. They also specify that Lars can indeed walk on water.

Q: Does Lion have the ability to sense Steven somehow? Or did he find Watermelon Steven some other way?

A: Rebecca claims they're in tune, but you can't really pinpoint whether it's magic or whether it's just that animal sense some pets have.

Q: How did you pick the Diamonds' voice actresses?

A: Kat says, "begging?" Rebecca says they knew who they wanted and they agree they wrote passionate letters. Rebecca tells the story of bringing Susan Egan in to do Rose's voice for the first time, but the first time you hear her voice was coming out of the Tiny Floating Whale. Susan did the little "ooo!" noise for it as well as the one line that's spoken in "Rose's Room." She had to explain that Rose was very important later, but for now she just wanted Susan to come voice the whale.

Q: Which Diamond was the most difficult to design? Which was the most fun to design?

A: Rebecca says Blue was the most difficult to design. They took a long time deciding on her hair and what would be "inhuman" about her, and there was a lot of trial and error involved. They actually revealed her cloaked form in "The Answer" before they figured out her hair. Rebecca feels that White might have been the most fun because they had to incorporate so many influences. They're all really influenced by tons of things though: for instance, Blue is influenced by a Martha Graham dance ("Lamentation") and the ghost (Fruma Sarah in a dream) from Fiddler on the Roof.

Yellow is very inspired by Patti LuPone in Evita.

White is inspired by Nell Brinkley and Hedy Lamarr (in Ziegfeld Girl)--the aesthetic of the time, really.

White has many design elements that other characters don't have. The heavy eyelashes, the fingernails, the "perfect thigh gap"--she's supposed to be very different from the others, with "beauty standards" that you haven't seen on other characters, meant to be read as stifling and old. She's even on an actual pedestal with shoes that are actual pedestals.

For Pink, Rebecca describes it as "kind of devastating" that even though we'd gotten the first reveal of Pink when she punched a mirror in Stevonnie's dream and was "contorted with rage," the audience got to see her on a model sheet with her full outfit "looking like a little clown" and people kind of got it instantly. Designs for the Diamonds go back to 2014, though Pink's hair was a little different and "looks like a Truffula tree" according to Rebecca. (Joe says that's why her mural looked spikier, because the early hair designs for Pink were higher.) Rebecca was really excited when they nailed down Pink's hair to look like Steven's hair. Rebecca was excited but Kat was scared.

Q: What inspired you to make Greg?

A: Tom Scharpling! Rebecca used to always listen to Tom's radio show (The Best Show) toward the end of college and she based Greg's character on him. She says Tom is currently doing a thing where he's reviewing every episode of Friends. She felt that during a tumultuous time in her life, moving from New York to LA and being apart from Ian, Tom's voice was a constant and a comfort. On his show, Tom is "more cynical" than Greg, but she describes him as only being mean to meanness, and that even when he's mean it's a "force for good in the world." Being angry is fine as long as you're directing it at other things that are mean, helping to cancel them out. She finds Tom inspiring, and thinks Greg is sort of the result of that cancelled-out meanness. Rebecca also adds that Greg has a lot of her own father in him, and she believes the other Crewniverse folks probably pull in elements of their own dads to write him.

Q: Would another half-Gem/half-human fusion like Steven be possible for another Gem besides Pink Diamond?

A: Pink Diamond couldn't fuse with humans--Steven's unique that way. Pink obviously created Steven (not through fusion), but now Steven is the result of that process and he exists sort of as a bridge. He can fuse with humans because of his humanity, not because of his Gem. He would actually be able to pull other humans into his Fusions with Gems, but he'd have to be there to preserve that connection.

Joe interprets the question a little differently, saying he thinks they're asking whether another hybrid might be possible, and Rebecca says it'd be possible only for a Gem as committed to it as Rose was. She specifies that Rose obviously had the immense power of a Diamond as well as that dedication, so if some other Gem that had a similar level of power and a similar interest in creating an organic child wanted to do it, okay, they could.

Q: If Steven were to die of old age, what would happen to his Gem half?

A: Joe hates this question. Rebecca agrees "that's so grim." She says that Steven is Steven, and he is NOT Steven when he's broken into two pieces. There isn't one without the other. Kat thinks Steven wouldn't die unless he chose to (and might do that if everyone he cared about was gone). Joe apparently hates existential questions and Rebecca sort of comforts him saying the Gems will live and live and live, and that Steven will probably die before them so he won't have to be stranded alive with no friends left.

Q: Is the Jade Fusion from "Together Alone" okay?

A: Yes, she's fine! Rebecca says she got poofed like many other characters have been before, and probably bubbled for what they were doing, but in Era 3 what they were doing is no longer wrong. They will emerge and be allowed to be themselves. Rebecca says, though, that there's also a question of whether they're okay as a person, and that what they went through is really hard to go through. She felt so isolated all that time, and then as soon as they got the courage to emerge in front of other people for the first time they were punished for it, so in that sense she's really kinda not okay. She will have opportunities to heal from her traumas, though, and her future is bright.

Q: Does Obsidian have future vision powers?

A: Rebecca says "Yes" decisively. The others chime in to agree. Rebecca says Obsidian's powers are overwhelming and difficult to handle all at once, though with many components they also have support handling it. The future vision Obsidian experiences is so overwhelming it's almost worthless because it's like noise--it's expanded and cacophonous.

Next, Ian and Rebecca are answering questions submitted by the cast and Crewniverse!

Q (from Zach Callison): What aspects of the characters are inspired by the voice actors?

A: Rebecca says the biggest one is how Pearl became more maternal because of Deedee's influence. She's "such a mom."

The interaction of the cast in the room worked its way into the characters' interaction. She also says Steven's growth from childish to mature for his age came from Zach growing up with him. She describes him as professional, insightful, thoughtful--enough such that adults could take cues from him or aspire to be like him. Ian thinks Zach was really interested in the process and very open to learning from other actors. Steven as an empathetic character was enhanced by Zach's genuine personality. Others who worked with him would be inspired and excited by him, which worked for the authenticity of Steven's vibe too.

Rebecca also noticed that sometimes Michaela or Deedee would cheer Zach up or egg him on, and the way they did those things differently also informed the characters of Amethyst and Pearl when they'd be in similar situations with Steven. They also noticed that if Estelle was there for a recording, everyone would stop and give her space to do her thing, which turned out to be very appropriate for how the others act with Garnet sometimes.

Q (from Matthew Moy): Can Lars go through Lion's mane and vice versa? Would they just fall right back out if they entered?

A: Rebecca points out that she actually answered this recently on the Reddit AMA! First, she wants folks to remember that Steven is the only one who can bring anyone or anything through mane space. Yes, Steven could take Lars into Lion's mane and go over to Lars's tree, but if Lars were to stick his head through the grass there, Lars's head would come out of his own hair. But this would cause infinite Larses to come out of infinite Lars's Heads, until he pulled his head back out.

Q (from Estelle): When you come up with new characters, how much time do you spend revamping the look of each?

A: It's a lot of time. Hundreds of drawings. Ian describes a process of coming up with early characters who didn't have a spot in the story yet, and they'd come up with random looks for them, and then they'd narrow down what specifically that character would need when they learned where they would go. Elements that mean something are retained and elements that do not mean anything will be swapped out. Boarders and designers would all take a crack at the design afterwards. Rebecca says that by the time boarding is happening, they need the character's "shape language" to be nailed down. Rebecca also mentions that many designs just get shelved if they're not really working, like some of the designs for Sardonyx did from before Rebecca realized Sardonyx would be a bombastic nerd, not a stoic and imposing presence. Even after they discovered that, though, the tooth gap was a later addition. Rebecca finds it helpful to ask "why" instead of "what" in design. Why is someone designed the way they are? Everyone will work together to create a design that blends form and function. She usually starts with rough sketches that they'll build off of as a starting point.

Q (from Michaela Dietz): With all the references to other shows (Gurren Lagann, Adventure Time, Revolutionary Girl Utena, etc.), what's a reference fans may have missed?

A: Since they pull from SO many places, it's hard to say, but Ian points out Future Boy Conan (Rebecca identifies a scene where the Quartzes run through Pink Diamond's body as a particular scene that's similar), and Rebecca says the rainbow worm from the Kyanite Colony is inspired by Orbitty (from the 80s Jetsons) and other ugly aliens from the time that were influenced by E.T. Rebecca points out Mr. Bug Goes to Town, an obscure film that nobody really watched because it came out on D-Day. Then Ian mentions the G.I. Joe animated series, how they referenced "It's all a fake-a-roo!" from that. And "Frybo" was a reference to The Thing.

Q (from Deedee Magno Hall): If Pearl could fuse with one of Rebecca's childhood cartoon favorites, who would it be, what would their weapon be, and can we see a drawing?

A: Rebecca says this is REALLY hard because she liked so many cartoons, but she just throws out Bart. Their Fusion would have a skateboard with spikes on the front. Maybe the Fusion would be named Part or Bearl. Or maybe Detective Conan; the Fusion would have all those gadgets. She decided she'd have to keep thinking about it and she'll give Deedee an answer.

Q (from Conrad Montgomery): If you could go back in time to give yourself a bit of advice as you started on "Gem Glow" and the rest of the series, what would it be?

A: Rebecca says she would tell herself to drink more water and exercise, and don't forget to eat. She thinks maybe she would tell herself it was going to be okay, because she didn't know that at the time. She says it may have been helpful at the beginning if she could have known she'd get to finish the story she wanted to tell. She was always anxious that her show would be yanked and she wouldn't get to finish what she'd dreamed up, but she did. She also feels like she was so young at 25 to be doing what she was doing, and maybe she'd like to just turn herself into a 31-year-old.

Ian thinks the show became what it was because of what they were learning along the way, though. If you really could tell people ahead of time what the things they're making are going to turn out like, you don't get to understand the process of something coming back wrong and learning how to deal with that. They feel that created a lot of what was good about the show, the debates and discussions. Rebecca is not sure she would have just said "trust yourself" because sometimes she trusted her team and was grateful for it.

Q (from Rob Sorcher): What is the one most profound thing you learned about yourself as a result of making the series?

A: Rebecca says she didn't understand she could be bisexual and be out. She thought declaring your orientation was about who you were with, not about who YOU were. So even though she was telling stories that spoke to feelings she'd had about partners or potential partners who were NOT Ian, she didn't realize she could claim that and care about that, mostly due to the fact that she'd been repeatedly and strongly told it did not matter. But it does matter. How you feel about yourself and how you experience attraction is a relevant and important thing to be able to embrace. She felt like she was "insane, all the time" because she wasn't supposed to talk about it or was told it wasn't interesting. She was floored when people she had connections with still wanted to be friends with her after she started talking about it, and being open about this aspect of herself has made being alive much easier.

If something matters to you, it matters, period. In terms of cartoons, the incredibly gender-segregated way they were doled out to kids in the 80s and 90s had an effect on Rebecca, and for a long time she didn't know why she so desperately wanted to "scramble" that. She finally found ways to discuss how uncomfortable she was being told that she had to be a woman when she was not. She realized through making her cartoon that though she had plenty of wells to pull from, this particular well was one she hadn't been able to speak about, so she did it through this medium and chose this as one of her stories. It's certainly not the only one she has to tell. She reiterates that she is bisexual and nonbinary, and though the language for that might change in the future, "that's what's going on" with her.

Ian's "profound thing" was that he realized you can share a message without being limited by the expected confines of your medium. For example, he knows that if he claims to be making a science fiction/fantasy cartoon, people will have preconceived notions of what that means, but maybe for some people, a major fantasy is just being told it's okay to be who they are, or living in a world where being who they are is okay. You don't have to worry about whether your reasons for making this art will satisfy someone else's reasons for watching it. Rebecca agrees, and says other people's "escapist" fantasies seemed really one-dimensional to her, never satisfying what SHE would like to escape to, but she realized she'd been holding contempt for escapism in general because of that, which dissolved when she was able to explore hers. There is a place for her, there is a dream she can have, and she no longer resented other people for having theirs. Sometimes a fantasy is about even getting to dream in the first place instead of just being fed these ideas of what you're supposed to want.

Everyone should get to have a dream and say it out loud.

[Archive of Steven Universe Podcast Summaries]

[imagine-loki]

You were saying, little mortal?

TITLE: You were saying, little mortal?

CHAPTER NO.: 1/?

AUTHOR: Solaramoonset

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine being a passive superhero fan. You’ve read a few comics, you’ve seen most of Marvel’s movies. One day on your way to work, you get pulled over and arrested. The police don’t explain why, only demanding you keep quiet. You’re taken to an abandon looking warehouse. Roughly you’re tossed into a makeshift cell. Really its just an office someone empty and replaced the normal door with a metal one. You don’t expect the voice behind you.

“So kid what are you in for?”

Its Robert Downey jr, sort of. Something is off and he seems confused to be called by that name. You hear a scuffle outside your shared cell. The door bursts open and in walks Tom Hiddleston as Loki. Although something is off about him too. You soon find all the “Avengers” actors there. You don’t know whats going on but the longer you are around them the more crazy you feel. They don’t seem to know their actor names, and you can’t find any cameras around. Its like for them this is real.

They decide to take you back with them (clearly thinking something is wrong with you). You find yourself sitting next to Loki. Having enough of this craziness you go on a rant, expecting you are ranting to Tom Hiddleston. Loki lets you say your bit, seemingly amused by you, before holding up his hand and bringing forth just enough seidr to glow and flow around his hand. “You were saying, little mortal?”

RATING: Teen

NOTES: Also on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18953773/chapters/45003085

Chapter 1

“Wake up

Grab a brush and put a little (makeup)

Grab a brush and put a little

Hide the scars to fade away the (shakeup)

Hide the scars to fade away the

Why’d you leave the keys upon the table?

Here you go create another fable

You wanted to”

Enid groaned as she blindly reached over for her phone. Who’d call this early? A quick glance showed it was her boss. “Enid Rose here.” She mumbled into the phone.

“Good morning. How is my favorite secretary slash unofficial office manager?” A far too cheerful voice answered her.

“Duncan, its three in the morning. Please get to the point.” Enid rolled over to stare at her ceiling.

“Gregory needs a ride to work. If I remember correctly you pass his place on the way in. Care to give him a ride?”

“Gregory who?” Enid knew who Gregory was. She actually got along pretty well with the head of maintenance and IT support, even though most thought he was a little weird. He was a brilliant engineer, but for some reason, chose to work in a small office setting.

“Gregory Stark, naturally. His hover car broke down again. Go figure, man makes the first hover car but can’t keep the damn thing running. So about that ride?”

“Yeah Duncan, I’ll pick him up. I’ll text him when I’m on my way. Now if there’s nothing else I think I’ll get back to sleep.”

“Don’t forget it’s your turn to bring breakfast. Please make sure its something unhealthy, totally bad for you and full of sugar this time.” Duncan hung up before Enid could protest.

“I bring pumpkin-carrot muffins one time.” Enid threw off the covers. There was no way she’d be getting back to sleep. Might as well go for a morning jog.

XOXOXOX

Enid pulled up outside a group of apartmentsshooting off a quick text. ‘ERose Taxi service. Searching for brilliant engineer, who killed a hover car. Again.’ Almost immediately she received a response.

'Good morning my beautiful, intelligent, wonderful, sarcastic savior! I’ll be right down to your death trap masquerading as an SUV’ a few minuets later Gregory hopped in.

“If you don’t like my baby, you can always walk to work.” Enid pulled out of the apartment complex and back on the road.

“My lovely queen of the office file system, I shall endeavor to keep my mouth shut. I think we both know how monumental a task that will be.” Enid began laughing, Gregory joining a moment later.

“Did you see Venom yet?”

“Enid, the only reason you went to see that movie was to watch Tom Hardy. Besides I have issues with villains getting their own movies.” Gregory grumbled.

“Tom Hardy is nice to look at. I wasn’t expecting the twist they put to Venom though. In the Tobey Maguire spider-man, Venom was a villain. In this new story there’s no way anyone will call him a hero but he is a very interesting anti-hero.”

“What about that new avenger’s trailer? Have you seen that?”

“It had me in tears Gregory, tears. It looks like they’re going to kill off Tony! They already killed Bucky and Loki! … Dammit. We might have to test you keeping your mouth shut sooner than expect. It looks like we’re getting pulled over.” Enid frowned looking in the rear-view mirror. Gregory tensed up.

“Call me Duncan around the cops. Lets just say I’m not exactly here legally; I’ll explain later.” Enid gave a quick nod grabbing her wallet and putting both hands on the wheel. She lowered the window as an office approached.

“Step out of the vehicle please.”

“Sure office. Can I ask what this is about?” Enid gulped. What was going on?

“Both of you need to get out of the vehicle, hands in the air.” Both Enid and Gregory stepped out of the SUV hands raised. Rough hands grabbed Enid, slapping cuffs on her wrists.

“What the hell?” Enid tried to look at the officer. A heavy hit to her temple had her stumbling.

“Enid!”

“Shut up! You’re both coming with us!” The world faded in and out as Enid was shoved in the back of a cop car. She shook her head to clear it.

“Keep quiet, they’re after me. I’m sure when they figure out you aren’t part of anything they’ll let you go.”Gregory leaned in and whispered into Enid’s ear. She knew he was probably trying to be reassuring but it was freaking her out more. What could her friend be involved with? The patrol car slowed down outside an abandoned looking warehouse Enid’s stomach dropped. She was pulled from the car one way, Gregory the other.

“Move it.” Enid was half dragged through the warehouse into what could have been an office once. As the door was slammed in her face, Enid made a quick look around for anything useful, but it appeared someone had removed everything already. Enid tried not to hyperventilate as she looked at the closed door. It was metal, and looked heavy. Probably not the original door. She tried to wiggle her wrists, the cuffs were digging into her skin.

“So kid, what you in for?” Enid jumped at the voice and spun around. Sitting in a dark corner was none other than Robert Downey Jr. As impossible as it seemed, the man she was starring down was a dead ringer for the actor.

“Robert Downey Jr.? How? Why? What is Gregory mixed up in?” Enid stammered. The man gave her a confused look.

“Whoa there Kid, my name’s Tony. Did you say Gregory? Cause I have this brother named Gregory and those thugs were looking for him. Was your Gregory with you when you got caught?” the more she looked at him, the more something seemed off about him. She just couldn’t figure out what.

“Yeah, I was giving him a ride to work. But you don’t look anything like him.”

“That’s not good news to me kid, my brother looks nothing like me.”

“Please don’t call me kid.”

“Okay short stack. Just sit tight, my friends are coming to bust me… I guess us now, out.” Enid rolled her eyes at Tony. At least he’d apparently stopped calling her a kid. Enid heard a shout and a thud from outside the door She step closer to listen better but Tony pulled her back. “If my friends are here, it won’t be a good idea to stand by the door.” The door groaned and burst open. A tall figure stood in the smoke. Enid gaped.

“Oh my god! Its Tom Hiddleston!” Enid was stunned. The man in the doorway seemed confused.

“I am Loki, of Asgard. Come Stark, I was sent to free you.” Enid was practically vibrating in her excitement. She bounced over to Loki with stars in her eyes. A thought struck her and her excitement disappeared. She rounded on Tony.

“Wait Stark? Your name is Tony Stark? Were your parent’s Marvel fans or something? No this is too much, its gotta be some sort of prank.”

“I’m getting out of here short stack, you coming or what?” he followed Loki, Enid trailed behind the two. There was no way she was staying. As they reached the main floor of the warehouse, a huge fight was going on. Enid could see Scarlett Johansson in a black skin tight suit. Jeremy Renner was in the rafters shooting arrows! There was even someone dressed as Captain America. The fight was intense, the hits looked and sounded very real. The one thing Enid couldn’t seem to find, were any cameras.

“Head down!” Enid didn’t know who shouted that or who pushed her down but her instincts were screaming at her this fight wasn’t staged. What the hell was going on? Enid stayed down, shaking as the fight continued around her. She had no way to judge how long the fight lasted, time had no meaning for her. It was Gregory’s soft voice which finally had her looking up.

“Hey E, it’s okay. Its over now.” She shook her head at him and held up her wrists which were still cuffed. Scarlett knelt beside her and picked the lock, freeing Enid’s wrists.

“How’d you do that? I mean your charcater Natasha is a complete badass but I wouldn’t think you’d have to learn something like this to play her.” Enid whispered in awe. Scarlettt gave her an odd look.

“So how are you?” Gregory winced at his own question. Enid blinked. She wasn’t sure where the laughter or tears came from but she couldn’t seem to stop either. “Tony, we can’t leave her like this, they’re bound to come back.” Gregory called over his should.

“Greg, why doesn’t she know us? She didn’t even know Loki, called him Tom Hiddleston.”

“It’s a long story-” Gregory started.

“It always is with you. But your right, we can’t leave her. Something is wr… isn’t right. Did she get hit in the head?” Gentle hands help Enid stand, she looked up into bright blue eyes. It slowed the tears. By the time she had been led onto a weird plane, quinjet her mind supplied, she was reduced to soft hiccups. Gregory sat on one side of her, oddly enough Loki sat on her other side.

“You’ve had an interesting day, would you like to talk about it?” Loki gave Enid a gentle smile.

“What are you up to brother?” Enid turned her head to look at Chris Hemsworth. Something in her snapped. She turned back to Loki.

“Interesting isn’t the right word. Impossible is so much better! This entire day should be impossible! I’m surrounded by the actors from the Avengers movies only they don’t seem to know it! Tony Stark or Robert Downey Jr? Tom Hiddleston or Loki? Cause I swear I’m talking to the actor, not the character. And you just had to go and say the line, why did you have to say the line? Haven’t you seen other fans swoon from it?!? Don’t get me wrong, all of you are brlliants actors but superheros aren’t real! The Avengers aren’t real! It’s just a movie! The costumes, the fight, and no cameras! ANYWHER! None of this can be real! What the fuck is going on?!? I have to be losing my fucking mind or sometihng. Greg if this is one of your pranks I will stab you.” Enid ranted. There was a twinkle in Loki’s eyes.

“Wow two 'fucks’ and a death threat all in one day, today has been rough hasn’t it?” Gregory muttered. If looks would kill, Enid would have murdered him.

“Language!” Steve called from somewhere up front.

“Dude so help me, this is a FUCK, FUCK, FUCKITY, FUCK kinda of day!.” Enid snapped. The plane was deadly quiet. Enid looked back at Loki. He was wearing a smirk and his eyes were practicly glowing. Slowly he held his hand up, his seidr flowed around his hand like a green mist. Enid looked from his hand into his eyes, her mouth gaping, her eyes wide.

“You were saying, little mortal?”

“No fucking way…” Enid’s eyes rolled back into her head and her body slumped. Loki caught her before she could fall out of her seat.

“So Greg, we’ve got a long flight ahead of us, I think it’s time for that story.”

[odinsonsobsessed]

Beautifully Complicated || Chapter 13: Enough

A Tom Hiddleston x OFC Matchmaker AU series by @odinsonsobsessed and @mrshiddleston-uk

Kate Rees just wants some romance in her life, but she hasn’t had the most pleasant dating history. After yet another date gone wrong, she nearly gives up until her work colleague mentions a matchmaking website she’d seen an ad for. Little does she know, the mystery man she’s been matched with is handsome, rising star, Tom Hiddleston. And that’s when things get complicated.

Rated M (18+) || Word Count: 6.3k || Warnings: Swearing, NSFW

A/N: Yes, you're seeing this right! @mrshiddleston-uk and I felt terrible for making you wait so long, that we busted our asses to get this next chapter written and posted so early! Again, we thank everyone who has stuck around during the last month! Despite it being completed so fast, this chapter was extremely difficult for @mrshiddleston-uk and I to write, so we hope to hear what you all thought about it!

You can also find us on AO3:

@odinsonsobsessed - Mischievousbellerina

@mrshiddleston-uk - Crimson_peak

Likes, Comments and Reblogs are always encouraged and appreciated! Enjoy!

Series Masterlist

Kate was exhausted. She was almost done with the exhibit for the day and all she wanted to do was sleep. She stayed much later than planned with Roxy the night before, and was back at it again a bit earlier than when they normally went in, so she didn't get much sleep. She worked through her first break of the day, only took a few minutes to eat her lunch and then she was back at it again and ended up having to take her afternoon break in one of the meeting rooms in the far end of the building where it was quiet, so that she could take a quick nap. She slept through Tom's texts and was unable to respond to him until she left that night.

When her and Roxy parted ways at the door, she called Tom as she made her way to the tube.

"There you are!" His cheerful voice came through as he answered the call.

Kate let out a tired laugh, "Yeah, sorry… Today was super busy."

"On your way home, are you?"

"Yeah, I'm almost to the station."

"Stay there, I'll come pick you up." She heard rustling on the other end.

"No, no, that's alright! It won't take me long to get home."

"You sound exhausted. What if you fall asleep on the tube? I'm coming to get you. Hang on." She waited a minute and heard a door shut. "Are you still near the museum?"

Kate smiled. "Yes, I'm on the corner of Exhibition and Thurloe."

"Alright, stay where you are and I'll be there soon!"

Because Kate was leaving later than normal, the traffic wasn't bad at all and Tom was able to get there within fifteen minutes. He pulled up to the curb and Kate let herself inside.

"Hey gorgeous." Tom grinned, his hand brushing hers as he leaned over to give her a kiss.

"Tom, you really didn't have to do this. It's getting late, its cold and so far out of your way…"

Tom smiled, shaking his head, "I wanted to. I wouldn't have been able to just sit back after you've worked so hard and risk something happening because you're too tired."

She blushed, squeezing his hand as he began to drive away. "Well, I appreciate it. And it is nice to see you so unexpectedly."

Tom hummed, shooting her a smile as his thumb brushed the back of her hand, "Agreed."

"So what did you do today?" Kate mumbled tiredly, looking out of the window as she rested her head against it. His car was so warm and cozy, and she was relieved to be off of her feet. Boy was she lucky he came to pick her up, she no longer had to attempt the walk from the station to her flat. Not that it was incredibly far to begin with, but now she'd get dropped off in front of her door, and she wouldn't have to deal with getting on and off the tube, taking the stairs and making the trek down the street.

"Oh, I had a meeting to attend about the new movie, signed a couple of contracts, nothing too exciting. I had most of the afternoon to myself, so I mostly just lounged about with Bobby." His eyes flitted toward hers before they went back to the road as they stopped at a light. "Thought about you a lot today."

She turned her head toward him, smiling. "Yeah? What kind of thoughts?" Her eyes had a hint of playfulness in them.

Tom's heart began to beat quickly, chuckling nervously at her suggestion. He actually had been thinking about their date and what exactly he was going to say to her… but… should he tell her now? He could get it out of the way and not have this anxiety over it anymore. "I was thinking that I…" He trailed off, suddenly shutting the impulsive idea down. No, he couldn't tell her now, not in his car after she'd been working all day and looked like she could fall asleep at any moment. Because that would be romantic, looking over after confessing his love and finding her asleep.

"About how much I was looking forward to our date." Not a lie, he really was thinking about the date.

"I am, too. Where will we be going?"

"I made reservations at Hélène Darroze." The way the name of the restaurant rolled off of Tom's tongue sent heat throughout her body. Though she was tired, she couldn't ignore the tingles it gave her. She shifted in her seat slightly to face Tom and her hand ran up to his forearm.

"Sounds lovely." She purred, gently giving his arm a squeeze.

"Yeah? Charlotte highly recommended it, said they had good food."

And just like that, her body stiffened and like a bucket of cold water, the heat was gone. "Oh, did she?" She tried not to sound annoyed as she let go of his arm and all but slumped back into her seat.

Tom hummed in confirmation, "She was at the meeting today. I told her that we were going out on Wednesday night and that I wanted to take you somewhere new and she suggested we go there."

Kate turned her head and rolled her eyes, holding back a huff. Of course she was at the meeting. Of course she was the one to suggest where they go. Of course.

"Well, that was nice of her." She hated how fake she sounded, but Tom didn't seem to notice as he focused on making a right turn near her flat.

"By the way, I meant to ask you how Roxy was doing."

"Roxy?" She paused, taking a second to think about what he was referring to. "Oh, right! She's doing fine. I think she misses Greg, but she won't admit it."

"I mean, if they were together as long as you said they were, I can see why she might miss him, even if it was mutual. The familiarity is probably what she misses most."

Kate nodded, thinking about what he was saying. She loved how considerate he was and that he actually listened when she told him about Roxy and voiced her concerns about her friend. And he actually asked about her! In her previous experiences, most of her boyfriends weren't that invested or that caring about those kind of details of her life.

"We're here." Tom's gentle tone brought her out of her deep thoughts. He turned the car off and went around to her side of the car, opening the door for her so she could get out. She threaded her arm in his as they walked to her door.

When they got to the door, Kate dug out her keys from her bag and looked up, giving Tom a sad smile. His hands found hers, linking their fingers together and thumbs rubbing the backs of her hands. He gazed into her eyes and broke one hand from her to tuck her hair behind her ear. "You look pretty today, Kate. Tired eyes and all." She smiled at his words, cheeks glowing pink. His hand lingered on her cheek as he leant down to give her a kiss.

Tom kept his lips on hers, not wanting to remove them just yet. They were so warm, so addicting to him that he couldn't bring himself to abandon them so soon. When he felt Kate's arms slip around his waist, he mirrored her, wrapping his free arm around her to hold her closer. His hand gripped her cheek firmly as he deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue past her lips.

She hummed contentedly into the kiss, holding onto him tighter. Though it was cold outside, the air around them became heated and thick with desire. "Tom…"

Her needy moan when he slid his hands further down her back to cup her bottom, made him come back to his senses. "I should go." He panted, his eyes closed at he rested his forehead against hers. "You have to work in the morning and… I would only exhaust you further." His tone was laced with arousal and she could feel him pressed against her thigh, making it really difficult to fight the urge to grab him by the shirt and drag him into her flat.

Kate sighed, giving him one more kiss before he released her. She glanced at him with another sad smile as she pushed her key into the lock.

"Good night, Kate."

"Good night, Tom."

When Kate arrived at work the next day, Roxy gave her a tentative wave and Kate could feel her eyes on her all morning. They chatted casually, but Kate could tell there was something she wanted to say but was holding back.

"Alright Roxy, what's up?"

"What do you mean?"

Kate pursed her lips, not believing Roxy's false innocence. "You've been staring at me all morning."

Roxy gave her a sheepish smile, "Just seeing how you're doing. Making sure you're alright."

She raised an eyebrow, turning back to her computer. "I'm a little tired, but otherwise…" She trailed off, wondering what Roxy's deal was. "Why?"

Roxy waved at her, shaking her head. "It's nothing. I just wasn't sure how you were going to react to Tom's newest article, but you seem fine. You've seen it, haven't you?"

Kate snapped her attention over to her, "Article? What article?"

She sighed, "Apparently not. It came out yesterday afternoon. It's about Tom and… Charlotte…" She looked nervous to bring it up.

Kate's heart began to beat quickly, "Oh God…" She checked the clock and bit her lip. She knew she should probably ignore it, but she needed to know what it said. "I'm taking my break." She grabbed her phone and left the room, tucking herself away in the back of the breakroom.

Searching on the internet, Kate found the article Roxy mentioned, exhaling a deep breath before clicking on it.

Tom Hiddleston and Charlotte Harper were spotted leaving the Hamilton Hodell offices in London together earlier today. Just a short time after rumours came out of the two being cast in a new romance film, their management have now confirmed this to be true. Although the date of when they begin filming is unknown at this time, sources say they will be traveling to Los Angeles shortly, where the majority of the movie is set to take place.

While Hiddleston declined to comment, Harper was more than happy to provide her thoughts about their upcoming plans; "Tom and I are so excited to begin this new project. After performing in Unresolved, we've become incredibly close and are thrilled to continue being able to work together."

How close have they become? Harper wouldn't say, but could this be the start of a new co star romance? Reportedly both single, they will be spending several months on set together every day with a script full of romance. Who's to say these two haven't started a relationship already? They were lovers on stage, could they be lovers off stage as well?

Kate swallowed, a lump forming in her throat as she read on, her brain screaming for her to stop; to close the window and ignore the silly amateur article. They were only speculations. So why did they make her feel so nervous? So upset?

She took the rest of the break to collect herself, giving herself a pep talk and fighting the urge to contact Tom about it. It was probably nothing and she didn't want to look silly fussing over some unofficial online news piece.

Finally going back to her desk, she gave Roxy a weak smile and immediately recommenced the email she’d been halfway through typing before she’d fled the office a while ago. She could feel Roxy’s eyes on her but she stared resolutely at her screen, her fingers tapping the keyboard quickly, and possibly a little harder than necessary.

“Kate?” Roxy asked, nervously.

Without looking at her, Kate shook her head. “I don’t wanna talk about it Roxy… I can’t talk about it because if I do I’m going to cry.”

Her voice faltered as she spoke and she took a deep breath, desperately trying to hold herself together as she continued to type. Her fingers hovered over the keyboard as she tried to focus, the words of the article running through her head again. She growled in a mixture of anger and frustration and leant back on her chair, running her hands down her face and finally looking back at Roxy.

“I’m not sure how much more of this I can take, Roxy.”

Roxy stood up and wheeled her chair around next to Kate, sitting down again and placing her hand on her arm in an attempt to comfort her as Kate continued, “I saw Tom last night, he didn’t even mention that damn article!”

“Maybe he didn’t think it was worth mentioning? It’s just trashy tabloid talk Kate, Tom’s told you before to pay no attention to it."

Blinking away the tears that were threatening to fall, Kate shook her head “But it’s not that easy. Not when Charlotte is encouraging them at every opportunity she gets. This is exactly what she wants! And it’s only going to get worse once they start shooting this movie, once they’re over in America together and I’m over here, thousands of miles away. Zack told me to fight for him, but how can I, Roxy? How can I fight when Charlotte always seems to get what she wants?”

Roxy smiled at her sympathetically, “I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but I don’t know what to say. This whole situation sucks and I hate seeing you so upset.”

“I hate feeling this upset.” Kate whispered, still trying to keep a hold on her emotions.

“What are you going to do?”

Staring into her lap, Kate shrugged “I don’t know."

Wednesday evening had Tom standing in front of his mirror in the bedroom, slipping his tie around the collar of his buttoned up shirt. His navy blue slacks were freshly picked up from dry cleaning and neatly pressed; not a crease in sight.

As Tom fastened the tie and ran his hands along his stomach to smooth out his shirt, he sighed. All it took was a brief thought of being overdressed and he was yanking his tie loose. "It's not like you're proposing, Tom. Get it together." He muttered.

He couldn't help it though. It's not like he went around confessing his love everyday. He may have the hearts of thousands, but Kate was no fan girl. She dated him for him, not because he was famous. There was a possibility she would not be ready for that stage in their relationship and even though he would understand, it terrified him. He cared about her so much and he wanted to be able to express his love without making her feel uncomfortable. He also wanted to hear it from her, too.

When the tie came off, he studied his appearance and now wondered if he wasn't dressed enough. He opted to put the tie back on, wanting to look his best. They would be going to a fancy restaurant, so of course it wouldn't look out of place, he was just being silly.

Tom's phone went off in his pocket and he assumed it was Kate calling. He was due to leave any minute now and maybe she was running late?

He reached inside and took it out, swiping to answer and wedging it between his ear and his shoulder as he kept his attention on fastening his tie. "Hey love, I'm just about to leave--"

"Tom?" The weepy, panicked voice on the other end made him freeze.

"Lottie?"

"Oh Tom, thank goodness!" Charlotte cried, sounding partly relieved.

"What's wrong?" Tom abandoned his progress on the tie and picked his phone up, holding it to his ear.

"He-He's outside my house… He followed me home." Her voice stuttered and Tom's heart raced. She was talking about the stalker. There were a few occasions where she felt like someone was following her and she was beginning to see him around more and more, yet he never approached her, always lurking close by. It was enough to make Charlotte uncomfortable. He told her to call him anytime she needed to if she'd seen him again.

Tom frowned in concern, "Are you okay? Did he hurt you?"

"N-No, he didn't confront me, but… what if he tries to get in?"

"Have you made sure all your doors and windows are locked?"

"Yes, but… God, I'm so scared, Tom. What if he wants to hurt me?" Charlotte's breath caught as she sobbed into the phone and it made his stomach twist.

"Have you called the police?"

"No, but I have before and they don't do anything! He flees before they get there and they have nothing to go on! I don't know who he is or what he wants!"

"Okay… Okay, please calm down. Erm…" Tom wasn't sure what to do. He glanced at his watch, realizing he was running late. "You should--"

"Will you come over, Tom? Please? I'm so scared. Maybe once he sees you, he'll leave!"

Kate's disappointed face flashed in his mind and he sighed softly so Charlotte wouldn't hear. "Of course. I'm on my way."

"Thanks Tom…" He hung up and tossed the phone on his bed, pacing back and forth as he ran his hand through his hair. Shit, what was he going to say to Kate? She was going to be so disappointed. But surely she'd understand?

He cursed, thinking about his plans for romance tonight, his love confession and the lovely dinner they would have had. He didn't want to wait, but there wasn't much he could do about it, he couldn't just abandon Charlotte when she needed him most. Tom wouldn't do that to her.

Taking a deep breath, he picked up his phone and grabbed his keys as he dialed Kate's number on his way out the door.

Kate sat at her vanity, fluffing up her hair after getting finished with her makeup. After having some time to work through her thoughts, she was feeling a little better about the whole news article situation and was ready to put it behind her so that she could enjoy her date with Tom. She resolved that maybe he wanted to ignore it like he usually said for her to do, or maybe he didn't know about it at all when he'd seen her.

She looked herself over and decided it was good enough, standing to walk over to her bedroom window. She'd glanced at the clock a couple of minutes prior to realize it was almost time for Tom to come and pick her up. He'd be leaving about now to get into his car and drive over.

As the minutes ticked by, she grew more and more excited to see him. She knew he would look handsome, no doubt dressed in a suit. She loved when he wore suits, especially since they were custom fitted and showed off every delicious curve that he had. Hopefully she would get to peel that off later and get a better view of them.

Suddenly, her phone was ringing. She tore herself away from the window and picked it up from her bed where she'd left it. She smiled as she saw Tom’s name displayed on the screen and swiped across to answer the call “Let me guess, you’re running late?”

The line was silent for a few seconds before Tom’s voice replied, “Not exactly…" He sounded stressed and she could tell he was on the handsfree in his car.

“Tom? What’s wrong?”

“Listen darling, I’m so, so sorry but we’re going to have to take a rain check on tonight.”

“Oh…" Kate tried to hide the disappointment in her voice. Tom would never cancel on her without a genuine reason, and judging by his tone it must be important. It was probably something to do with work, she knew how seriously he took his job. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. It’s Charlotte…" Kate froze at the mention of her name, "I was just about to leave to come and get you and she called to say that guy had followed her home. She’s absolutely terrified Kate, I need to go and see if he’s still there and check that she’s okay.”

Kate slumped onto her bed, feeling like she’d been punched in the stomach. He was cancelling their date because of Charlotte.

“Shouldn’t she be calling the police rather than you?” She snapped. She knew Tom would pick up on the irritation in her voice but right now she didn’t care. She was done with that woman ruining everything.

“He runs before they can catch him and she sounded awful. Look I’m sorry Kate, really I am, but she needs me.”

So do I. 

Kate stopped herself from screaming at him and tried to think quickly of some way she could fix this evening before it turned completely to shit.

“I could always just come over later, once you’ve seen Charlotte? I’ve taken the day off tomorrow so we could spend a bit more time together. It was meant to be a surprise, I was going to tell you over dinner…” She babbled.

On the other end of the line, Tom sighed, “I don’t know how long I’m going to be with Lottie for, so it wouldn’t be fair to leave you hanging around waiting for me. It’s probably easier if we reschedule. Maybe if you’re off tomorrow you could come over in the morning and we can go and do something really nice? Something special, to make up for tonight.”

Still sitting on the edge of her bed with her elbows on her knees, Kate dropped her head to her hands and squeezed her eyes closed,

“Yeah, okay.”

What choice did she have? Tom had made it clear that she wasn’t going to see him tonight.

“Look, I’m almost at Lottie's place now, so I'd better go. I promise I’ll make it up to you tomorrow, okay?”

“Be careful Tom. If he’s still there...”

“I will darling, I will. I’ll see you tomorrow."

Before Kate could say goodbye, the line went dead. She pulled the phone away from her ear and looked at it. Tom had cut the call and her phone was now back to her home screen, a photo of her and Tom in front of the Statue of Liberty in New York looking back at her. That was the moment Kate crumbled. She let out a sob and threw her phone across the room, not even caring about the sickening cracking sound it made as it hit the wall. Charlotte had won again, and Kate couldn’t fight any more.

Tom staggered through his front door, trying to juggle four bags of shopping and keep hold of Bobby as he went. Kicking the door shut behind him, he dropped Bobby's lead and hurried towards the kitchen, letting out a sigh of relief as he dropped the heavy bags onto the counter. He flicked the kettle on before walking back into the hall to shake off his coat and shoes and unclip the lead from Bobby's collar, hanging it up on its hook.

He yawned and stretched as he walked back into the kitchen and grabbed a mug from the cupboard, spooning a large amount of coffee into the cup. It had been past midnight before he got home last night, after spending several hours with Charlotte. Of course, the guy had disappeared by the time he arrived but Charlotte had been pretty shaken up. She’d begged him to stay the night but finally after Tom had made her a couple of warm whiskey drinks to help her calm down, she’d been sleepy enough to agree to let him leave as long as he kept his phone close by in case she needed him. When he woke up this morning, he’d fired her off a quick text to check on her and she’d replied immediately to say she was fine. So now he could concentrate on his day with Kate.

Tom smiled as he unpacked the shopping, feeling pleased with himself at the surprise he had managed to think up at short notice. The weather for the day was forecast to be quite warm so he’d decided he would take her for a picnic, hence his early morning dash to the supermarket for supplies. He’d probably bought way too much food, but he wanted today to be as perfect as possible, especially after last night.

Maybe Kate would prefer it this way. It was less formal, more intimate. They could pick a nice quiet spot on Primrose Hill and enjoy some nice food and a glass of champagne in the sunshine, and then Tom would tell her. He would tell her that he loved her and that no other woman in this world could ever compare to her. It was going to be perfect.

He glanced at the clock as he poured the boiling water into his mug. He had just over an hour until Kate arrived. Taking his coffee with him, he hurried off to his bedroom to get ready. He’d have a shower and get dressed. Then make the sandwiches and prepare the other food just before Kate got there, so that it was nice and fresh.

Discarding his hoodie and sweatpants, he stepped into the shower and turned the spray on, tipping his head back and closing his eyes as he ran over in his head again what he was going to say to Kate. He pictured her face, her beautiful smile, and his cock twitched at the thought of her. Reaching down, he stroked himself lazily a couple of times before deciding against it. He was quietly confident that if today went according to plan he would be taking Kate to bed later. He’d be making love to the woman who had captured his heart in a way that no one else ever had and he was pretty sure no one else ever could. Today was going to be the best day ever.

Kate sat at her dressing table staring blankly at her reflection in the mirror. The dark circles under her eyes showed just how little sleep she’d had last night. After her call from Tom she had cried for what seemed like forever. All the emotions she’d tried to keep under control over the last few months had finally come pouring out and she was ashamed to say she’d wailed like a baby, literally crying her eyes dry. After that she’d poured herself a very large glass of wine and tried to think rationally about what to do. She paced her lounge for hours, chewing nervously on her fingernails as she went back and forth, torn between her head and her heart.

She loved Tom and she really wanted this to work out… maybe they could get through it? But was love enough? Could she really carry on like this, constantly competing with Charlotte for her boyfriends attention and affection? At one point she’d sat down at her table with a piece of paper, writing ‘pros’ on one side and ‘cons’ on the other. She’d stared at it for a few minutes before shaking her head and screwing the paper up and throwing it angrily at the wall. At four o'clock in the morning, she made herself a hot chocolate and lay down on sofa, too tired to even walk to her bedroom and get in bed. Closing her eyes she sighed sadly, knowing what she had to do.

Kate walked slowly to Tom’s house, her legs feeling like lead. With every step she took, the sinking feeling in her stomach increased. She stopped at his gates and took a deep breath as she remembered all the times she’d been here before, and for a second she started to doubt her decision. She’d usually be practically bouncing through his gates and up to the front door, excited to seem Tom and eager to spend time with him. She quickly reminded herself that was exactly why she had to do this. She wanted happy memories of Tom, she wanted to look back and think of him fondly, with no regrets. Suddenly her phone started to ring. Pulling it from her pocket she saw Tom’s name displayed on screen and frowned. Oh god, he wasn’t going to cancel on her again, was he?

“Hello?” She answered tentatively.

“I can see you standing by the gate… what are you doing?” Tom chuckled, “Are you coming in?”

“Yeah." Kate exhaled, “Yeah, Sorry. I’m coming in now."

“See you in a second, darling.”

“Bye…” Kate stuttered, hanging the call up. She pushed the gate open and immediately saw Tom standing at the door, smiling at her. God, why was he so gorgeous? Yeah, she loved to see him in a suit but he was equally as handsome when he dressed casually like now, in dark jeans and a red plaid shirt which was only buttoned halfway up his chest. Her head was screaming at her to turn and run but she made herself keep walking, forcing a smile as she approached.

“Hey gorgeous.” Tom purred, kissing her softly and wrapping his arms around her. Kate closed her eyes as he pulled her against his chest, and held him a little tighter than usual, relishing every moment of what would be the last time they ever did this. Tom released her and turned to walk inside, chatting happily as she followed him.

“So I thought we could have a picnic on Primrose Hill… It’s such a beautiful day out there…”

“Tom.”

“...and we can find somewhere nice and quiet to sit away from everyone else…”

“Tom!” Kate repeated, more forcefully.

Tom stopped and turned to her, still smiling widely, “Yes, sweetheart?”

Kate took a deep breath, “I need to talk to you."

“We can talk when we get to Primrose Hill!  I’ve packed up all the lunch into a hamper, I just need to grab the picnic blanket--”

“No.” Kate interrupted, watching as his face dropped, “We need to talk now."

She needed to do this. She needed to do it now, before she changed her mind. Tom frowned and tilted his head to one side as he looked at her, “Okay… do you want to sit down?” He gestured towards the living room and Kate nodded once, walking into the room and perching on the edge of the sofa as Tom sat down next to her, placing his hand on her knee as he watched her expectantly, waiting for her to speak. Kate looked down at his hand and reached for it, taking it in hers and lifting it to her lips, kissing it gently before guiding his hand back into his lap and letting go. She forced herself to meet his gaze as tears started to prick at her eyes.

“I can’t do this anymore.”

“Do what?”

“Us. I can’t do it anymore... I’m sorry.”

Tom just stared at her for a few seconds, like he hadn’t heard what she said. She watched him until finally he spoke. “Are you… breaking up with me?”

Letting out a shaky breath, Kate nodded. "Yes, I am." Her voice came out firm, she had to be firm. If not for him, for herself. Because damn, she didn't want to do this. But she had to. She had to take care of herself. The thought of him not being hers anymore sent a pain through her chest that felt like a punch to the gut. Her breathing suddenly became difficult and she felt the tears coming. She couldn't let him see her cry. She had to be strong.

“Why?” He whispered as if he didn't trust his own voice. Were those tears in his eyes? Kate tried to focus on steadying her breathing, looking down at her hands. She felt as though she would break if she saw him cry and she was determined not to break down in front of him. Before she had a chance to answer him, Tom spoke again. “This isn’t because of Charlotte, is it? Because we’ve been through that before…”

Kate swallowed, thinking over her words for a moment. "Not entirely, but yes…" She let out a sigh and stood up, pacing across the room. "It's not just Charlotte, it's everything."

She made the mistake of glancing over at Tom, who was frowning and she could see him trying to understand. "Everything? But I thought we were…" He trailed off, letting out an exasperated breath, as if he couldn't believe what she was saying, that this was happening.

Her throat suddenly felt extremely dry and her chest felt tight. She cleared her throat, blinking back her tears. "You're busy all the time, Tom. All the time. And it's only going to get worst when you start filming this new movie."

Kate could see his chest rising and falling in panic, his eyes darting around the room as he tried to process what she was saying and finally settling back on hers. "I-I'd come back to see you as often as I could, I'd fly you out to visit me, too."

"It's not good enough, Tom. It wouldn't work."

He let out a breath she realized he'd been holding, "Not good enough? This is my career, Kate! You know that I can't--"

"I get that, I do. But you have no idea how hard it is for me!" She pinched the bridge of her nose, willing herself not to cry. "How it makes me feel when I barely hear a word from you for days, or hell, if I don't see you for over a week! How am I supposed to deal with it when it turns into much longer than that?"

Tom stared at her, he opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out.

"The time difference alone will make it next to impossible for us to talk." She added, shaking her head.

Tom stood, walking towards her. "It won't be like that! I-I'll make sure to call or at the very least text you every day."

"What about her?" She asked, unable to bring herself to actually say her name.

"Lottie? What about her?"

Kate wanted to cringe at her name. She hated that name. That affectionate nickname that he gave her.  "How am I supposed to deal with the fact that she'll be around all the time?"

Tom took another step forward, “Let me talk to her again. I can make this right."

He reached out for her but Kate stepped away from him, “No. You can’t make this right. It’s too late...”

“Kate….” Tom begged. She looked up at him as a tear escaped his eye and trickled down his cheek, and her own started to fall.

"You don't know how awful she was toward me. How insignificant she made me feel. You don't know what she put me through." Kate shook her head, wiping the tears from her cheeks.

"Then tell me, Kate. I thought she just--"

Kate's lip trembled and her voice wavered as she spoke, "You thought she what, Tom? That she was just joking? Did I misunderstand her remarks about the fact that I'm not your type? That I'm not good enough for you? Should I just ignore that she wants you so bad that she'll do or say anything just to get close to you?"

"That's not true."  

"It is true, Tom! You should see the way she looks at you."

He shook his head, "Even if she does, I only have eyes for you. No one else matters, Kate."

"I wish I could believe that..." She whispered, her heart clenching with her words.

"It's true! I…" He slowly took the remaining steps toward her, closing the cold distance between them. "Kate…" He took her hand in his, bringing it up to his mouth so he could press a kiss to her palm as he looked into her eyes. He placed her hand onto his cheek, resting it there as he closed his eyes. "I was going to take you for a picnic today..." He opened his eyes again and Kate suddenly found it difficult to breathe.

"Tom, stop." She couldn't do this. She didn't want to listen to him try to sway her.

"I had it all planned out. I bought all this food and champagne… it-it was going to be so romantic. I was going to--"

"Don't." Kate cut him off with a shaky voice, unable to let him continue. "Please stop." She drew her hand back, the tears streaming more steadily down her face.

"Don't do this, Kate… please…" His voice broke, causing her heart to.

Kate shook her head, "I can't do it anymore, Tom, I just can't." She turned to leave and Tom followed her, his breath coming out a bit harder as he tried to keep it together.

"Kate, wait!" He caught her as she reached the door, pulling her back to face him and into his arms. "Please Kate, please don't leave."

She felt his chest vibrate and Kate knew she should pull away, but her first instinct was to hug him back. His arms felt so good, so comforting that she wrapped her arms around him and decided to embrace him one last time. She buried her face into shoulder, inhaling his beautiful, sweet citrusy scent and began to cry a bit harder, unable to hold back.

Tom tightened his arms around her, his hand sliding up and weaving his fingers into her hair. They stayed like that for a minute, crying into each other's arms until Kate decided she had to go. If she didn't leave now, she wouldn't be able to. She pulled back from him, "I have to go."

Tom gasped, "Kate!"

She turned around and reached for the door, pulling it open.

"Kate, wait, please! I--"

She glanced at him one last time and stepped outside, "I'm sorry." She whispered, looking away and closing the door behind her.

It was over.

@fandom-and-feminism @fadingcoast @igotloki @nikkalia @manager-of-mischief @spidey-bites @dangertoozmanykids101 @xxloki81xx @furstinnajoelle @just-the-hiddles @wholelottatiffy @libbymouse @kitsuneharo12 @michelegurl @I-cant-remember-my-old-login @thathedonistgirl @vethrvolnir2 @fairlightswiftly @jessiejunebug @ihthr @devilbat @exbandragirl @joyofbebbanburg @sabine-leo @mandapanda8 @officiallyunofficialperson @wolfsmom1 @littlefrogstuff @writingmi @drakesfiance @scorpionchild81 @little-moonbeam-666 @canadianjelly @originalsoulcollector @gorgeous1974

[fullregalia]

chef’s kiss (from daddy).

Like a sad sack Kendall jonesing for something better than park coke, I am already missing the presence of Succession in my life and so blogging and discovering the Vanity Fair podcast will have to stave off my season finale withdrawal. Upon listening to Slate Money’s Succession podcast season finale episode with guest Tamar Adler, I felt like I wanted to think more about the role of food in the show in general. “Thank you for the chicken” may just be the most iconic Tom Wambsgans line Succession has had so far, and there are so many (uncut) gems to choose from (“Just checking the till here, Mark, and it seems you're short a few million,” and who could forget this poetry: “king of edible leaves--his majesty, the spinach.”) The way the show traffics in excess, while also showing us how the Roys eat, but are never truly nourished, is a fascinating lens through which to see how these characters live. [Ed. note: I started writing this all the way back in October, and got sidetracked with school--in the interim, Eater published a great article ranking the dinner scenes in the show.]

If you were to ask me what the stand out food scene in season one is, I’d immediately answer Tom and Greg’s dinner with the ortolan course. It’s such a nouveau riche flex (but maybe it’s an old money flex too? I don’t hang out with ortolan eaters of any socioeconomic status!) and a silly one at that, but it’s fitting that Tom and Greg--of “you can’t make a Tomlette without breaking some Greggs” fame--are the ones to make a big deal over an elaborate dinner, because they’re the outsiders. While many of the show’s episodes are centered on a grand meal as set piece, it shows how commonplace formal, catered dinners are for the Roys. When you’re a billionaire, going out to dinner is probably more of a nuisance if you could just eat something decadent prepared for you in your own home.

By season two, it’s almost as if every episode plays some sort of food-as-metaphor role as the grand meals function as plot points more frequently. From episode one, “Summer Palace,” we start off with Logan trashing an entire seafood feast to order a bunch of pizzas (that don’t even get touched) at their Hamptons house. To the Roys, this kind of waste doesn’t upset anyone, and what’s even more interesting is Logan is totally fine with the idea of ordering pizzas. This weird highbrow/lowbrow liminal space that the Roys occupy is so fascinating to me. Billionaires are out of touch and weird, sure, but they act so artificially chummy, like the way Nan Pierce presents herself, for instance. While rationally I understand Logan demanding that his staff order a bunch of pizzas, I also cannot imagine a billionaire being like, “order a bunch of pizza instead of this lobster!!” (Clearly this is a bit of shades of Warren Buffet garbage palate happening here, billionaires: they’re just like us! #wealthtax.) 

But Logan is in no mood to waste neither food nor time in episode three, when they all go hunting and we are introduced to the world’s most insane Exterminating Angel cosplay also known as Boar! On! The! Floor! (!!!) No sausage gets left behind as this dinner party devolves into yet another opportunity for Logan to humiliate and belittle his family and colleagues. As Troy Patterson notes of Logan Roy, he’s carnivorous in every way. Lest you forget, though, the Roys love their beverages more than they appreciate food, and in this episode Connor introduces us to hyperdecanting and Logan views Roman out of touch with the common man because he can’t say how much a gallon of milk costs. Another highbrow/lowbrow moment: this season has made the clash of Logan’s upbringing with his children’s lifelong privilege much more of a thematic presence. (Do we think Shiv has ever ordered pizza delivery? She has worked on political campaigns, but strikes me as a “no thanks, I don’t have time for lunch” kind of staffer.)

Food waste runs in the Roy family, it seems. There’s this funny little moment when Roman goes to management training, picks up a sad looking danish, takes a bite, is disgusted, and puts it back. Oh Romulus, you are such a jerk, but I love your weird ways. One of the things I noticed this season about Roman on his “leadership journey” was that he seemed to teetotal more and more--perhaps as a result of witnessing his brother’s substance abuse issues--it seems as though as he becomes increasingly serious about taking over the job of CEO, he’s been drinking more Perrier and green juice.

As the season continues, the meals keep coming: when the Roys dine with the Pierces at Tern Haven, Nan has this bizarre moment of performative hostess mode when she presents a roast her housekeeper made to the guests as her own? It was such a weird scene, and so telling of who Nan Pierce is: she loves to appear as a homespun, generous person, but clearly is not just a “simple billionaire” who gets her hands dirty in the kitchen. The façades continue to crumble as the evening goes on as the Roys snap at one another, though somehow the disastrous dinner isn’t enough to halt the deal from happening (yet). It takes a weekend in Argestes, with lunches not eaten and dinners walked out on, for that deal to fall apart.

While the big set pieces of season two’s grand dinners reveal to us the cruel and illusory tendencies of our characters, the most revealing--and effective--use of food (or lack thereof) was Shiv and Roman’s visit to their mother in “Return.” We know that the younger Roys’ mother is cold, but in this episode we see just how withholding she is. Before we get to Lady Caroline’s, Roman makes a joke about eating muddy trout and filling up on mustard; on the plus side, we have a funny scene at a convenience store with Roman and Shiv looking completely confused by how normal people snack. It’s clear that Caroline does not have a healthy relationship with food--Harriet Walter says that was part of her backstory for the character--and she serves them pigeon with shot and feather not cleaned off. She cannot nourish her children, literally or emotionally. (lol at my *extremely incisive* commentary and psychoanalysis.) Later in the evening, while talking to Kendall in the kitchen, she cannot bring herself to have a heart-to-heart with him. In the New York Times’ review of the episode, Noel Murray says: “That’s one powerful symbol for life as a Roy. One parent hollers for protein. The other serves inedible meat.” These rich kids just can’t catch a break from their parental nightmares!

Succession shows its characters’ damage through their total lack of intimacy or vulnerability. It is not your usual HBO show with gratuitous nudity; besides Roman and Gerri’s .... situation, there’s not really sex on this show. The only way that the Roys derive pleasure is from money and the flashy status symbols that come with it (hello, mega yacht!). The scenes with food become the most emotional because it’s the closest they get to physical or emotional closeness in many ways. But the Roys don’t do emotional closeness; I think one of the cruelest--and funniest--examples of this is when Shiv, Tom, Roman, and Tabitha have dinner together and all Shiv and Roman can do is dunk on Tom for his bad suits (Roman: “You look like a divorce attorney from the Twin Cities,” and: “I’m sorry but like, what the fuck? You look like a Transformer. What’s wrong with your body, man?”).

All this brings me to the denouement of Season 2, in which we also reach the apex of Tom’s frustration with his terrible in-laws mistreatment of him, and the aforementioned “thank you for the chicken” line. First: Logan Roy is out here on a MEGA YACHT eating a chicken wing with some big Ricky Rozay wingstop energy. Second: Tom cannot bring himself to confront Logan, even if he finally vented his frustrations to Shiv; all he can do is stuff his face (it’s not love, Tom!! I learned the hard way!!!) and walk away. Third: all the yacht meal scenes are great--just a complete pile-on of courtiers backstabbing and badmouthing each other (Tom calling Karl a “sausage thief”) with a few genuine moments of emotional honesty. Connor drinks wine at breakfast. Greg, accustomed to quaffing rosé, fears he will be sprinkles on the sundae of a Tom sacrifice. Roman defends Gerri! The look Roman and Kendall exchange when the sacrifice is made. Roman, who is “widely known as a terrible person,” in general becoming the MVP of the latter half of the season, even asks to talk to his siblings “normally.” A request that they summarily mock him for. Succession season finales have major “Water, water, every where / Nor any drop to drink” vibes. 

We end the season with Kendall giving daddy Roy a (Judas) kiss after a figurative last supper on the boat, and what’s next is ripe for further scenes of familial drama. Let’s hope there’s similarly rich protein for us in Season 3, I’m already hungry for more.

[uglypastels]

Three Words: Nervous As... - Tom Holland

Request: by anonymous: I LOVED Picture Perfect! You're amazing! May I plz req a fic where you accidentally say I love you for the first time while ending FaceTime with Tom? You two are in different time zones and you're exhausted. Without even noticing you say, “Goodnight Tom, I love you.”And hit the end button right as he makes his wide-eyed shocked/confused face. (Like the when he found out the IW opening date was earlier than he thought via IG Live, or when Greg was blasted out of frame from the FFH water stunt) Thx!

(A/N) You, Anon, are the sweetest and I hope you enjoy this! 

POV of (Y/N), Tom...and Harrison! wut? yup. 

Request/Ask here Or feel free to message me. My dm’s are always open. 

word count: 4296

warning: fluff, light swearing, a bit of casual drama and inner-conflicts. but mainly this is just a “short” story filled with cuteness. 

“I’m going to miss you so much.” You said as you gave your boyfriend one more kiss. You could feel him smile.

“I know. I’ll miss you too.” he kissed your forehead. “But we will see each other again soon. And we’ll facetime every day.” His arms were tightly wrapped around you. It almost made the busy airport disappear around you. It was just him and you.

“I just wish I didn’t have to work. Then I could have gone with you today.” One of your hands found his and intertwined your fingers.

“Me too. But it’s just two weeks, darling.” he gave you one last kiss before pulling away from you completely. Walking backward, he waved at you with the biggest smile on his face. Of course, you did the same, but a feeling in the pit of your stomach made you feel miserable. This wasn’t enough.

Tom turned around when he almost bumped into someone. The sight of not seeing his face anymore for the next two weeks from no one made you call out: “Wait! Tom!” Your boyfriend turned around alarmed. He started walking back to you.

“What’s wrong, babe?” The words you wanted to say weren’t there anymore. Your whole mind swept clean as Tom neared you.

“Uhm...I - I…” you could do it. “I just… have a good flight,” you said with a deep exhale. Tom raised an eyebrow.

“Is that all?”

“And be safe,” you added. He still didn’t seem to be convinced that was all you wanted to say to him. “Okay, you have to go now.” you gave him a peck on the lips and pushed him back to where he was trying to go the first time. He blew you a few more kisses and then walked away for good. You stood there for a moment. Letting the loneliness flow through you. Why couldn’t you just say it? Those three stupid words!

It has only been two months since Tom asked you out. Before that, you were pretty close friends and used to hang out all the time. That didn’t change once you started dating. Only from close friends, you became really close.

A sigh left your lips as your boyfriend disappeared into the crowd of hundreds of travelers. You were now all on your own. Sadness overflowed in you and you knew you needed something to cheer yourself up. Luckily there was a Starbucks nearby so that’s where you headed. You were in deep need of a hot chocolate with whipped cream and caramel on top. You were in the mood for a sugar rush that would make you sick and forget the thought of not seeing your boyfriend for the next two weeks.

****

The two weeks went by extremely slow. With work using up most of your time and energy, you barely had the time to miss Tom. But that all came back every night when you called each other. Well, night for you. Tom was in Georgia, filming, so it was still the middle of the day for him.

It was the day before you were going to fly out to see him. Your stuff was all packed. You were laying in bed, ready to go to sleep. There was just one more thing to do. You had your phone in your hand. Ready to answer the moment the screen would light up with Tom’s face on it. The only problem was that it was getting pretty late and you were exhausted. Without noticing you were already falling asleep when your phone lit up the whole room and the classic Spider-Man theme song boomed from your phone. You almost threw the phone off your bed at the sudden noise. Why didn’t you put the sound lower?

You swiped your screen to start the call. Your smile widened at the sight of your boyfriend. He was wearing a dark hoodie and you couldn’t see where he was exactly, but from the time you assumed it was somewhere on set.

“Hey, babe.” He smiled at the sight of your face.

“Hiya. How’s filming going?” You were laying on your side with your arm doing its best to keep your head up. Your eyelids were getting heavier and heavier.

“Yeah, it’s great. I can’t wait for you to see it tomorrow!” He sounded so excited. You wished you could reciprocate that joy. But you were more than exhausted.

“Me too.” You took your arm from underneath your cheek to cover up a yawn.

“Babe, we don’t have to talk. We’ll see each other tomorrow. Go to sleep.” You only heard him. When your head hit the pillow it was like a switch for your eyes to close too.

“No,” you protested, “I wanna...I-” Another yawn escaped your mouth.

“Go to sleep. I’ll talk to you later.” He blew you a wide kiss, swinging his arm backward.

“Okay, okay, I love you.” You didn’t even manage to press the button to end the call. You fell asleep, leaving your boyfriend in shock.

________________________________________

“Okay, okay, I love you.” The soft words echoed in his mind. Tom stared at his phone for what seemed like forever. He couldn’t manage to say anything. He just watched his girlfriend lay lifeless. Her eyes were closed and she looked peaceful.

“Babe? (Y/N)?” She didn’t respond. She was asleep. She fell asleep before he could say anything back. He realized he still had his arm in the air, so he ended the facetime and put down his phone on the table in front of him. He moved as if in slow motion. The three little words on constant repeat.

“Tom!” He jumped up at the sudden clap in front of his face. Harrison loudly clapped his face to wake his friend up from the state he was in. “What is wrong with you?”

“I… I didn’t say it back.” Harrison raised his eyebrow at him. Tom knew he must look crazy to Haz. His eyes were wide and he was moving slowly, dazed.

“So what, she knows it. You said-You have said it before, right?” Tom just shook his slowly back and forth.

“Oh shit, mate, was that-” Tom nodded again, now up and down, to respond to the question before Harrison could actually ask it. He didn’t want to hear the exact words.

“I’m sure she didn’t - No, I mean, she meant it but she wasn’t thinking… she was tired.” Harrison did his best to make sure Tom didn’t start freaking out. Unfortunately, Tom was already feeling sick in his stomach and Harrison’s words were only making it worse.

“Tom, you’re freaking out. Calm down. Tomorrow she’ll be here so you can talk it out.” Harrison tried one more time.

“Yeah, you’re right.” He said but meant the opposite. Right after he said it, he picked up his phone. “I have to call her.”

________________________________________

You woke up to the sound of your alarm. The phone was a few inches away from your face, so when the alarm rang, the sound boomed in your face. You turned it off quickly.

Just to be sure, you checked the time. Yes. Just like you had planned, you woke up at six. You had an hour before you had to leave for the airport. You had already ordered a taxi the night before. The plan was to already be out of bed by now, but there was something about your notifications that just wasn’t right.

You had five missed calls. How did you manage to miss them with your phone being so close to you the whole night? Unlocking your screen, you saw that all five were from Tom. He had called you right after you had fallen asleep. After the five missed calls, he had also left a message. You clicked on it and listened.

“Hey, I uhm… I’m sorry. I don’t know why I called so many times. You’re obviously sleeping. I just can’t wait to see you again. I...I love yo-” The message ended before he could finish the last word. Even though it was a voicemail and you didn’t have to say anything, you were still speechless. Did he just say those words? Over the phone?  

You had to keep it cool. You had a flight to prepare for. You put your phone down and got out of bed to get dressed. As it was going to be a long flight, you went with one of Tom’s hoodies that he had left you and a pair of your own sweats. You probably looked like a mess, but who heard, you had a nine-hour flight ahead of you.

After a quick shower, actually getting dressed and some breakfast you kept yourself busy with the last check if you had everything you needed, packed. Yes. So you had one thing left to do. Get your phone off the charger and pack the cable.

When you moved to your bed you went to pick up your phone, but something was wrong. You had no taken out the cable from the device, yet it was lying on the ground while your phone was on the bed. You clicked the home button so the screen would light up. In the corner, your fear had come true: 24%. Just great. You had to survive a whole day flight with 24% battery. You plugged your phone back in and prayed that it could charge a bit quicker than usual in these last fifteen minutes. How could you have been so stupid to not plug it in before you fell asleep?

With a sigh, you and sat down on the edge of the bed. Your leg used as support for your arm, which in its turn was support for your chin. Honestly, you couldn’t even remember falling asleep last night. The last thing you can picture in front of yourself was talking to Tom. What had you said? You couldn’t remember. He had told you to go to sleep, because you had a long day ahead of you and you agreed, right?

________________________________________

“I shouldn’t have said that! I should not have said that!” were the words that have been leaving Tom’s mouth ever since he had left the message. “What was I thinking? She’s going to dump my ass.” he was walking there and fro around the room. His hands ruffling his hair in frustration and anxiety.

“Get a grip, mate,” Harrison mumbled. He was on his phone and didn’t even take the effort in looking up from it when he talked to his best friend. “She won’t dump you.”

“How do you know?” Tom stopped in his footsteps.

“Uhm, let me think,” Harrison finally turned his phone off, “First of all, she was the one to say…” Tom gave him a stare that made Harrison stop his sentence, “those words. So it wouldn’t make sense if she broke up with you now...and secondly, why would she be flying over now, if she really wanted to be done with you?”

“But that’s the thing. I don’t know if she actually is! I haven’t heard anything from her since last night.” Tom’s heart was racing faster and faster. “What if something happened on the flight? What if-” This was enough for Harrison. He got up, looking a bit annoyed, and walked up to Tom. His icy blue eyes stared deep into Tom. He put his arm on his shoulder. With a serious tone, but still a hidden smile in it, he said: “Get a grip, you twat.”

“Wow, thanks Haz.” Tom rolled his eyes.

________________________________________

You couldn’t believe it. 9 hour flight and only 31% on your phone. You had managed to charge it a bit before your taxi had arrived, but most of that had quickly died once you pulled the plug out.

So now you sat in your seat, nothing really to pull you away from your own thoughts. The people sitting next to you had fallen asleep before you even took off, so you couldn’t even hope for an annoying or nosy conversation. It was eerily quiet on the plane. There weren’t even any children crying, making you want to rip your head off.

You were already in the air for a while. You didn’t know how long exactly. You didn’t want to check. This was for a few reasons: 1) you tried to leave your phone off as much as possible 2) you didn’t want to know how long you still had to go through this hell and 3) you didn’t want to know how soon you would see Tom again. It was making your heart beat double the speed at the thought of your boyfriend. You missed him so much and wanted to see him, but it would be so awkward. You just knew it. He had said the biggest thing you could say at the start of a relationship and gave you no chance in saying it back. Could you even say it back? Were you supposed to say it now, when you saw him at the airport?

For days Tom had been telling you how much he wanted to be the one to welcome you to America. So you were trying to prepare yourself mentally.

****

Thankful to any deity in the universe, you managed to fall asleep for the last few hours of the flight. After you woke up, you could see the sun shining through the windows.

Not much later, you were almost at the exit of the luggage hall, your suitcase rolling behind you. The closer the big doors were getting, the faster and harder your heart was beating. You were ready… at least you thought so. Right before the doors automatically opened in front of you, you had managed to fight yourself at least three times whether or not to say those words to Tom the moment you saw him. In the end, you decided to just go for it. If he didn’t say anything back, at least you were at the airport, so you could just get the next flight back home.

But when the doors opened, your boyfriend was nowhere to be seen. You stepped aside from the exit, giving the other travelers a way to pass, and looked around for the head of brown curls. Instead of those, you were met with a blonde quiff.

“Harrison?!” you smiled at the sight of your good friend. Harrison jogged over to you and embraced you in a tight hug.

“Hey there, shortcake.”

“Haz.” You groaned at the nickname. “I’m not that short.”

“Yeah, but you’re short enough to only get cuter when you’re angry.” With a smirk, he let go of you with one arm and draped the other around your shoulder. You started walking to the main exit of the airport.

“So, where’s Tom?”

________________________________________

Harrison looked down at (Y/N). In her eyes he could see she was already expecting his answer.

“He had to stay on set. Something was wrong with the lighting so they had to re-film a whole scene. He was devastated when he found out he couldn’t come to pick you up.”  

“That’s okay.” she smiled. Harrison wasn’t sure if it was genuine or fake. He also didn’t know which would be better. Was she happy Tom wasn’t there? As they walked back to the car, he kept on glancing down at her. Something felt off about how silent she was. Normally, (Y/N) would radiate with happiness, but now she looked a bit pale.

“You alright down there?” He asked once they got to the car. She looked up at him, blinking a few times. “Huh? Yeah, yeah, just a bit jet lagged, I suppose.” Harrison looked her up and down. She was avoiding his gaze.

“Or is it about Tom?” this made her look at him.

“What? No, of course not!” She looked shocked that he assumed that of her. “I - he…”

“So it’s about that message?’ He tried again. Immediately it seemed like a weight fell off her shoulders. She let out a breath.

“It was just so sudden, Haz. He didn’t even give me a chance to say it back.”

“Say it back?” But wasn’t she the one to say it first? Harrison looked at her confused. She looked back at him with almost the exact same expression.

“I thought you knew what he told me. The voicemail he-”

“Yeah, I know what he sends you. I was there when he did it.” he opened the door of the car, still looking at her.

“Oh.” She followed his directions. “So… he…”

“He meant it if that’s what you’re trying to ask.” She shook her head. The reason for it wasn’t clear to Harrison.

“I know that, no, I mean… I just didn’t expect him to say it. Over the phone, on a voicemail…” Harrison had no idea what to say. Did she not remember that she had said those exact words to her boyfriend too? Was that possible? “I mean, we’ve only been dating two months…”

“(Y/N).” he interrupted her, but without anything to say actually. “Stop freaking out. I swear to god, you and Tom are perfect for each other.” A blush crept up on her cheeks.

“Really?”

“Yeah, now get in the car.” she giggled as she slipped into the seat next to him. She looked much happier already. However, now, Harrison felt conflicted. Should he tell her what she had done? Or was he supposed to leave his two best friends and let them figure it out for themselves?  During the drive, he kept stealing looks at her through the mirrors. She didn’t seem to be upset at all anymore. JUst the happy and bubbly (Y/N) she always was.

“So, are we going to set, or…” (Y/N) spoke after they had left the airport finally behind them. The car had reached the highway.

“Er- no. Just going home. Tom should be back by now.”

“Ok. Cool, cool, cool.”  She was tapping her fingers on her legs.

“Why are you nervous? It’s just Tom.” Harrison tried to laugh to release the tension. (Y/N) just smiled sheepishly.

“I don’t know. I guess that him saying… you know, that, kinda changes things.” She shrugged.

“Why should it change things. You do feel the same, right?” He looked at her through the mirror again.

“Yes. Of course, I do. But now that the words are actually out there...ugh, I don’t know. I’ve never been in a relationship before that had made it that far.” Harrison almost crashed into the car in front of them. He had not been expecting that.

“You haven’t? But you’ve been dating guys longer than you have Tom.”

“Yeah, but I had never said I love you to anyone before. Not in that way, anyway. I’m scared.” Harrison wanted to tell her so badly that she had already done it. But there was a big chance she would start to freak out even more, just like Tom.

“I’m sure you’ll be fine once you say it,” he smirked. The closer to the house they got, the quieter (Y/N) became. In the end, she didn’t say anything at all. Harrison had to break the silence once they pulled over into the driveway of their temporary house.

“Okay, I’ll get Tom.” He ran out of the car into the house. This was his only chance to warn his best friends about this whole situation. The keys almost fell out of his grip as he fumbled with the bunch against the door. When it finally opened, he yelled out: “Tom!” He heard footsteps not even a second after.

“Is she here?” Tom looked excited. Exhausted from the day of filming and the fear on his face from last night was still visible, but he looked mainly excited. He was ready to jump out the door, but Harrison stopped him.

“Wait. I should probably tell you something before you go out there.”

“What happened? Is she okay?” his friend was freaking out again.

“Yeah, yeah. Only…” Harrison had no clue how to break the news to him. “The thing she said last night, yeah?” his hand reached to the back of his neck to scratch it. Tom looked at Harrison and replied with a: “Yeah.”

“She doesn’t remember, mate.”

“What are you on about?”

“She doesn’t remember that she said it to you. She was dead tired.”

________________________________________

“So, what should I do now?” Tom was ready to throw up. How could he have been so stupid to leave her that message? Was that really the way he wanted to hell he loved her? Over the phone! He was an absolute disaster of a boyfriend.

“Just, don’t mention it. She’s already stressed about the message you left her.”

“Great, just great. Fan-fucking-tastic, really.” He closed his eyes for a moment so he could get everything straight on his mind again. “So, what? You expect me to go out there now?”

“Well, she’s waiting for you, isn’t she?” Harrison smirked causing Tom to groan. He flipped his friend off and then took a step past him so he could look outside. (Y/N) was still in the car. Her eyes were closed and she seemed to be talking to herself. Tom had early on in their relationship caught on to the fact that she did that quite a lot. In a different case, he thought it was cute, but here it was a bit nerve-wracking. Because if she had the need to do this… it wasn’t great.

He walked to the car. While moving, he jumped a few times up and down to shake off the last nerves in him. Everything was fine. Just try to pretend that the message didn’t happen. I never send it. Those were the last thought before he ticked on the window. It pulled (Y/N) back to reality. She seemed confused at first, but when she saw that it was Tom who interrupted her, she smiled. He could hear her squealing in the car.

She opened the door, so Tom had to take a step back. Once she was with both feet on the ground and the door behind her was closed, he pulled her into a tight hug and spun her around. Another small squeal left her lips. Oh, how he loved those little sounds. Loved. Since he had said it out loud the word was practically stuck in his regular vocabulary, he couldn’t help it. He loved everything about her.

“I missed you so much, darling.”

“I missed you too.” She gave him a small peck on the cheek. This erupted all the feelings in Tom’s chest. The moment she pulled her lips away from him, he pulled her right back in with a passionate kiss. He hoped that the kiss would say everything they were both too scared to say out loud. He hoped he hadn’t ruined everything with that stupid voicemail and that this kiss would be one of a million other ones.

It wasn’t up to him as much as his lungs, but if it was, he would have stayed there forever. So when they did finally pull away, he tried to stay as close to her as he possibly could, following her lips, not wanting her to leave him just yet.

“Tom.”She whispered so softly against him. “I love you.”

________________________________________

The moment your lips touched his you knew it. All the endless conversations you had with yourself or Harrison, or with yourself again were thrown in the bin. Now you knew it. You weren’t afraid anymore. This was the right thing to do with definitely the right person to do it with. But his reaction wasn’t the one you hoped for. He was grinning like crazy while his lips found their way to your neck.

“I hoped to hear those words again.” You could practically feel the smirk forming against your skin. But you weren’t happy. Not exactly at least, more confused. You pulled away from him.

“What do you mean, again?” Tom’s smile disappeared and he looked a bit shocked. You had the idea that he had just said something he shouldn’t have. You didn’t want to think why he possibly couldn’t tell you about something.

“I - uhm... Well, you may or may not have… said it before.”

“What? When?” you scoffed, not believing him. He was playing with you. No idea why, but this was some stupid joke of his.

“Last night, before you fell asleep. You said you loved me.” He looked into your eyes. His hands on your waist. As you looked back at him, his words were being processed in your head. When that was done you gasped loudly.

“I can’t believe it. Oh god. I ruined it.”

“Of course you didn’t.” Tom tried to comfort you. It didn’t work.

“This explains that message you left me.”

“You heard it, huh?” Tom wasn’t pleased with it either apparently. You obviously thought it was cute but to be honest, it wasn’t great.

“Oh yeah.” You draped your arms lazily around his neck again. A small smile was visible too. “On repeat.” A kiss followed.  Maybe it was the magic of those words because you couldn’t remember your kisses being this good. His lips were so soft. His hands touching you in just the right way. Making you feel like you were in heaven.

Heaven didn’t go when thunder rambled above you or when the rain started to pour over the two of you. Everything was fine. You loved the rain. You loved standing there in the driveway. You loved this kiss and any other kiss that would follow. But most importantly, you loved him.

The End

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[sharethisgemwithme]

“Legs from Here to Homeworld” instant reaction

TONIGHT: Right after "Reunited" aired, Joe Johnston posted on Tumblr a sketch that said "Psst, SDCC is in two weeks", so we all had an idea something was gonna happen. But I did not expect an entire episode to be aired. Shows what I know. Anyway, while the episode title was already known (I think from a French language episode list), I don't think an episode synopsis was out there. Well, the episode was shown at SDCC and was posted online yesterday, and I did not successfully avoid ALL spoilers, so I'm pretty sure we're jumping right into it. After having gone five seasons without ever using the name "White Diamond", are we about to actually meet her? At the very least, given the episode title, I think we're digging up Pink's ship from the desert and taking a road trip.

As always, my first watch is without pausing or rewinding. The episode isn't available on the website, only through the app, which has been being a bit laggy but hopefully there aren't any problems. The stopwatch starts as close to "We..." as possible. Since the episode hasn’t aired on TV yet, the rest is behind a cut.

Pre-0:00 - That said, we've been getting some crazy convoluted episode titles of late, like "A Single Pale Rose" and "Now We're Only Falling Apart" that aren't directly referenced in the episode themselves. 0:00 - I'm very glad that the thumbnail for this is just the group shot from the intro. No spoilers that way. 0:01 - "A sneak preview" and by that we mean the whole thing. 0:22 - Legs - Amber, Hilary and a new person, Tom? 0:32 - Lots of crying. 0:41 - Bismuth, you've got a lot to learn. Someone fill her in. 0:54 - Yeah, that Connie thing was a bit of a continuity error but we'll forgive it. 1:14 - She didn't know. 1:26 - A pretty loud "ahem" there from Pearl. 1:45 - That's a good enough explanation. Maybe Greg could help explain a bit more. 1:59 - Oh good, I'm sure there's a torturous method to get your memories. 2:16 - Oh hey, it's time to go meet Centi! 2:35 - Demonstrate it so we can see who she's supposed to be. 2:44 - "Help her"? What does "help" mean? 3:05 - Whoa. That... almost worked. 3:15 - I think this means we need a group effort. 3:24 - AND IF WE NEED A GROUP EFFORT, DO WE NEED ALL FOUR? 3:31 - NEW VOICE. And she's trapped in her last thoughts before the attack. 3:52 - NEPHRITE, AS WAS PREDICTED. 4:02 - And "Hessonite", as was predicted after "Save the Light". 4:19 - It's not Pink's fault that you tried to fucking kill everyone. 4:40 - THE FOUR OF US. 4:48 - BOOM. 4:52 - Oh man is she... 5:01 - She's above any sort of communication? 5:24 - What do you mean search? Steven, you dingus. 5:45 - WE GOT US A SHIP. 5:55 - That is a hell of a ship. 6:12 - "Diplomatic mission", I know Rebecca wrote something about Connie being diplomatic "like a Blue gem" 6:20 - I think Priyanka shares my thought about "that ship is a gigantic butt" 6:59 - Bismuth's got a bad feeling about this. 7:16 - She thinks this is a trap? 7:35 - Oh yeah, Lapis and Peridot have to reform still. 7:49 - That's gonna be another awkward reunion when Lapis realizes what's going on. 8:05 - So what was Blue's power before she was absurdly sad? 8:16 - oh my goodness, they showed its crotch 8:50 - so did we bring centi? how are we going to fix a gem if we don't bring her? 9:21 - luckily space travel doesn't take that long in this ship. 9:32 - homeworld is janked! 9:45 - by "a while", do you mean like fifty years 10:00 - riot! riot! 10:10 - another new pearl. 10:20 - somebody got sapphires to explain the situation. 10:42 - yikes. 10:52 - "NOW IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO GET BACK TO WORK" 11:10 - Yup, that's not a good thing.

Immediate reaction: So the reason nobody's mentioned White is because she's even more over-the-top than Yellow and Blue. And she showed it right off the bat. No one gets to explain stuff to a supreme dictator. But seriously, gems, you need to explain things to Steven before desperation time! Lots of little lore ideas that got confirmed, like Centi being a Nephrite, and her boss being Hessonite. Lots to rewatch this episode for (like, to answer Priyanka's question, does Connie have a sword? The one she was using just got destroyed), and can't wait for the next one, which according to counting should be the "season finale".

Credit notes: The card with the cast is a little wonky. Patti LuPone's name is in a different font. Nephrite's VA is comedian Aparna Nancherla (which is misspelled in the credits as "Nancheria"). No specific credit for the cheering crowd of Aquamarines, Peridots, and... couldn't quite tell who the other gems were. Oh, yeah, and White Diamond. All those rumors about Christine Ebersole were TRUE, she is the voice of White Diamond. AND, if these credits are accurate, also the voice of White Pearl!

[ships-sailing-in-the-night]

Lucifer will have some competition this year.

When Lucifer returns for season 3, Tom Welling will make his debut as Marcus Pierce (Tom Welling), a devilishly charming police lieutenant who is also a potential love interest for Chloe (Lauren German). How will Lucifer (Tom Ellis) feel about that? Probably not great, to be honest, but Welling is loving it. Below, the Smallville alum dishes on why he chose Lucifer to make his TV return.

What was it about Lucifer that made you want to return to TV?

So this is going to sound cheesy, but it’s true. I had been in discussions with Fox on two other projects this year that didn’t work out — for one, I was too young and the other one I just wasn’t right for. On a Monday morning, I get a call from my agent and they say, “We have an offer for you for the show called Lucifer to do 10 episodes,” and I was like, “Okay, well, when does it start?” and they said, “Friday.” I was like, “Whoa, hold on a second,” and they go, “But, but, but, it shoots in L.A.,” which is good because I live in L.A. Having spent so much time in Vancouver, the idea of traveling to me isn’t a priority — in a sense, it’s luxury problems.

Anyway, shortly after I got a call from a very dear friend of mine, Greg Beeman, who was our showrunner on Smallville for many years and had directed episodes of Lucifer, and he goes, “I hear that your name’s in the mix to be on Lucifer. I know you, I’ve worked on the show, you’re going to love it, don’t overthink it.” So then I binge-watched about six episodes of the show, because I was familiar with the show, but they were like, “Take a look at these six that we recommend for you to watch, these are our favorites,” and I watched them all, and Wednesday morning the conversation was, “I don’t want to do 10 episodes,” and they said, “Well, you have to do 10, it’s 10 or nothing.” I said, “I want to do more, I want to do 15,” and so we signed on for 15 episodes, because I like it that much, and having met the cast and the crew they’re so much fun. They have a good time, they get their work done, they’re professional, but they’re enjoying themselves. I like the show, the show’s fun. It doesn’t take itself too seriously, but they solve bit crimes and their issues and stuff like that. So I don’t know if that answers your question, but it at least gives you a jumping-off point about how it happened.

Tell us about Marcus as a character.

Well, Marcus, by design, you’re not going to know too much about him. The cliché is you’re going to have to watch to see who he is in the end and it’ll be worth it. At first, he’s a disrupter. At the end of last season, the characters of Lucifer started to get along maybe a little too much and they told me they wanted to bring somebody in to mix it up. He’s definitely going to mix things up between Lucifer and Lauren’s character, Decker, as far as like a love interest possibility sort of thing. But what you’ll find at the end of the season is he is much more of a character and you’re never going to guess who he is, but he’s definitely somebody that Lucifer is going to realize is maybe older than Lucifer, if that makes any sense. I’ll tease that. He’s not God. He’s not God, for sure. He’s not that, but he’s something that you’ll find is very much on par, if not greater, than what Lucifer is.

The description of your character intimated that Lucifer and Marcus had a lot in common. They’re both devilishly charming.

Well, I just did a scene this morning where Decker literally calls me a d—k, so that’s at least how I start out, and that she’s taking the brunt of my d—kish ways. I start out maybe one way, but hopefully, I can bring some charm to him later on.

How similar or different is he from Lucifer and how does that cause them to butt heads?

The way that I see it is Lucifer, in some ways, comes in like, [in a mock British accent] “Hey, I’m Lucifer, I’m crazy, and I’m more powerful, I’m the devil, tell me what your desires are.” And Marcus is like, “Yeah, okay, anyway, let’s get the work done.” It’s taking the air out of the room, I think would be the difference. Where Lucifer brings it, he brings the energy to the room, my character sucks it out.

So he’s a little more straight-laced then?

I think so. Yeah, maybe a different goal than Lucifer has, a different global objective as far as the desire from a character point of view. He’s looking for something different than what Lucifer is looking for.

Can you say whether Marcus is good or bad?

Well, every character thinks he’s good, you know what I mean? He’s not necessarily doing bad things, to answer your question. He’s not hurting people necessarily, but definitely, if somebody gets in his way, he’ll take them out.

What’s more fun for you to play, the hero or the villain?

Well, right now, the villain. A friend of mine was asking me about the character and he was like, “Oh, so he’s a d—k?” and I was like, “He’s not just a d—k.” He goes, “No, but I see why you’d want to play that character because he’s very much different than what you’ve played for so many years,” and in some ways, that is true. He’s got a different energy, he’s got a different delivery, he’s not so much like open-eyed as far as like, “Oh my gosh, what’s happening?” He’s like “All right, this is what I’m going to do, this is what I’m going to make happen.” So it’s a different energy.

Was that part of the reason that you wanted to come back to TV, doing the complete opposite of Clark Kent?

I definitely didn’t want to play Clark Kent again. The great thing about Clark is he didn’t know who he was and he didn’t know what he was supposed to do with what he had and his abilities. This character very much knows what he’s capable of and knows what he wants to do and knows how to do it. So as much fun as that is to play, it wasn’t necessarily because of Clark that I chose this character. I think it was a number of things, it was the cast, the subject matter, the show, the showrunners, the Greg Beeman recommendation, the location. It was so many more factors than just “I don’t want to play Clark again,” but I’d be lying if I was saying that I’m not enjoying playing something very different for sure.

What can you tease of the dynamic between Chloe and Marcus?

Well, hopefully, it just puts everybody on their heels a little bit. At first, it’s not so obvious that there might be an attraction between Decker and Pierce, but it’s hinted in other ways. It’s television, so of course, there’s going to be that. I mean, we all expect a little bit of that. But I think wherein most shows somebody just comes in and all of a sudden it’s like, “Oh, they meet at a bar and there’s a new love interest,” it’s almost like the reverse where hopefully you’re not going to see the beginning. It’s not that they’re gazing into each other’s eyes at the beginning. If anything, he’s a very authoritative, demanding boss that just wants results and doesn’t really care what she has to say about anything other than what the case is and what’s going on. The scene this morning was, “Decker, where are we on the case?” And she says, “Yeah, we’re doing this.” I’m like, “Oh, you don’t have any suspects in custody yet?” And she goes, “No,” and his response is, “I thought you’d be further along” and just walks past her. She’s kind of like, “What the f—k, why is he such a d—k?” Things may or may not heat up.

Is this strategic? Maybe he has it out for Lucifer so getting close to Decker is part of his game plan?

Maybe. [Laughs] You’re not sure. The big question that even I had in talking to the showrunners was who is this guy and why is he here? Their answer was awesome. I can’t tell you because it ruins everything, but he’s definitely there for a very specific reason and Lucifer is part of that, Decker is a part of that, but you’ll find out that it’s something even bigger.

Can he be trusted? And does he suspect or know what Lucifer is?

Well, we did a scene last week where my character shows up in Lucifer’s apartment and Lucifer goes, “Oh, finally somebody actually believes that I am who I say I am, I’m the devil himself,” and Pierce says, “No, actually, I’m not crazy, I have no idea why you prance around in that and call yourself the devil, but anyway,” and just sort of moves on. So you don’t know how much Pierce knows or doesn’t know, but you get a sense that he needs a little something from everybody to get what he wants.

Lucifer returns Monday at 8 p.m. ET on Fox. 

[mousedetective]

Children Of Light, Children Of Dark (14/?)

The newest twist is discussed, as is the Sherlock/Molly relationship, and another player gets dragged into this game!

Children Of Light, Children Of Dark - There are a series of murders going on that have a pattern, and Sherlock sees glimpses of it but can’t fathom it completely. But Molly realizes it’s reminiscent of an unsolved case her mentor had told her about, where the murders were based on a series of fantasy novels that Molly herself adores. Sherlock asks her to use her knowledge as a pathologist and a fan of the series to help him figure out both sets of murders, and in the process Molly gets quite a bit more than she bargained for.

Read Chapter 1 @ AO3 | Read Chapter 14 @ AO3 | Buy Me A Coffee? | Send Me A Prompt

A few hours later Sherlock and Molly left Mycroft’s home in one of the cars he used with boxes of notes and evidence from Anthea…no, Andrea, Molly needed to remember that…Andrea’s father as well as the two totems: a pregnant woman and a man partially phased through a block of stone. Molly immediately knew that they were meant to represent Taiba and Relg, which she thought was rather fitting but also strange, in that Taiba was almost completely missing from the second series except for a few mentions, such as how there was cheating going on because Taiba kept having twins. It was almost as though these new killers wanted Andrea to remain solely in line with the first set of murders, and that made Molly nervous.

When they arrived at Baker Street and hauled everything into the sitting room, Sherlock began to open boxes but Molly held back for a moment, unsure of how to bring up her conversation with Andrea. Obviously, she had promised to keep the pregnancy a secret, but the marriage…she wondered if Sherlock knew. She bit her thumbnail for a moment and then spoke. “Sherlock?”

“Don’t worry,” he said, not looking up from the box he was sorting through. “Mycroft, Andrea and the baby will be safe. Mycroft will ensure it.”

Molly gave him a disgusted look. “How did you know?”

“My sister-in-law has put on some weight. Not too noticeably, but it times about right with the trip to the Carribean and the way my mother has been treating Mycroft as the favourite son.” There was just the smallest tinge of distaste in his voice, and she frowned.

“Is that why you asked me to marry you?” she asked quietly, her hand moving to the engagement ring on her finger.

He stopped moving, standing so still she was almost afraid she had mortally wounded him with her words. “No,” he said. “I had planned that long before Mycroft and Andrea had all of that happen. I just kept…waiting for the right moment. The perfect moment. I wanted it to be perfect, for you. Better than what Tom had done for you.” Then he sighed. “And I suppose it was foolish, now, to wait. I would have asked the morning we first woke up together if I’d thought you’d have said yes.”

Molly moved before she thought and went to Sherlock’s side, moving his face so he was looking up at her. She felt like she was the foolish one, to think he had asked for her hand in marriage just to upstage his brother. She gently caressed his face, giving him a soft smile. “I probably would have, you know,” she said. “But the proposal I got was so much better.”

He smiled in return, putting a hand on her waist and pulling her closer. “So you forgive the wait?”

“I do,” she said with a nod before leaning in and kissing him. She was careful not to let it get overly heated, as there was a case to solve and they couldn’t let their attention wander, but it was nice to have this moment of connection in the midst of everything. When their lips pulled apart he kept her close. “Should I make us breakfast? Or brunch, at this rate.”

“It might do to have food, though I’m not sure what I’ll eat,” he replied. “But we might want to have the others here to help sort through this. There is a lot to go through. Andrea’s father collected a lot of information.”

“Hopefully it’s useful,” Molly said, giving him a quick kiss before pulling away. “Call the others and I’ll get started on some scones. If we need something more sustaining, we can figure it out later.”

Sherlock nodded and went to dig out his mobile while Molly went into the kitchen. It didn’t take long for the others to answer; John and Mary were at the surgery and they said they’d be there when their shifts were over since Rosie was with a sitter and Lestrade said he and Sally were going over all the official documentation from the old cases they could find and they’d be over shortly. He also mentioned Sally had gotten a totem that morning, which meant whether she liked it or not, she was being dragged into this as well despite her promotion. When Sherlock told her that, Molly stopped stirring the batter.

“Why did she get one?” she asked.

“What do you mean?” Sherlock replied, looking towards the kitchen at her.

“Well, if we’re correct and the kidnapping case was a ploy to get your attention, mimicking Geran’s kidnapping in the book, but was spoiled by your solving it so quickly, then why hasn’t Dimmock gotten a totem? He was the DI on the case, he should have one as well. Why did Sally get one when she’s only offering to help Greg as a favour because she’s between cases and there’s now two connected murders? Greg is still considered the lead DI on both Fraser’s murder and the overkill victim. Sally is just…” She waved her spoon, allowing drops of batter to land on the floor. “Extra hands.”

“Unless this has been in the works for some time,” Sherlock mused. He got up and fingered the totem representing Taiba. “Perhaps the totems for Mycroft and Andrea are new to the game, but Sally’s is not, which could explain the discrepancy. Lestrade said hers was a feather.”

“Vella, I’d imagine,” Molly said, tilting her head for a moment before realizing the batter was dripping off the spoon onto the floor. “Sally is known in the Yard for her affair with Anderson and her temper, and if there’s anyone in the books similar to Sally it’d be her. I mean, Polgara has her moments with her temper, obviously, as does C’Nedra, but the thing with Vella’s temper is it’s not heated. It’s cool and calm and tempered with threats that she could and would carry out. She wouldn’t let any man touch her that she didn’t want to touch her. And, to be quite frank, most people’s opinion of Anderson would be the equivalent of Beldin. A feather makes perfect sense.”

“I hadn’t gotten that far,” Sherlock admitted. Molly raised an eyebrow. “I never got back to finishing the second series after the totems arrived and I began going through the notes.”

“Ah. Well, Beldin buys Vella from Yarblek, and she surrenders her knives to him, which he makes disappear in puffs of smoke, then he shows her how to become a hawk like he does, except she has lavender bands, and they fly off together, never to be seen by any of the others again. It’s actually quite lovely, in that Vella completely surrenders herself to him because she loves him.” Molly paused. “Though that part of the narrative does not fit Sally and Anderson’s relationship. They do all they can to avoid each other now.”

“Even though he’s no longer married?” Sherlock asked.

“She’s seeing a barrister now who treats her well,” Molly said, going back to the batter. “Lestrade decided he had better taste than she did while you were gone and fixed them up. I wouldn’t be surprised if she announces they’re getting engaged themselves before much longer.”

“I suppose I should congratulate her,” Sherlock said.

Molly nodded. “You should. Maybe having to work on this together will be a bridge between the two of you.”

“Perhaps,” Sherlock said with a nod. “Though I did send her a congratulatory note when she received her promotion.”

Molly’s eyes widened. “Really?”

“And it was even sincere.”

“Will wonders never cease,” she said with a smile, turning back to the batter. Perhaps the four of them working together wouldn’t be a trainwreck after all…

[douglassmiith]

What do local SEOs really think of Google My Business support?

It’s already hard to remember a time when a local SEO Company’s priorities included having to deal with Google My Business’ various support teams across email, phone, live chat, and social media.

Earlier this year, though, it was a different story. So, inspired by serious issues with incorrect recommendations, errant listing suspensions and very long wait times for reinstatements earlier this year, I sought to find out what the local search experts (many of whom are GMB Product Experts) really thought of the quality of Google My Business’ support, and compiled the following reactions from a long list of local SEO Company pros, including Joy Hawkins, Ben Fisher, Greg Gifford, Dan Leibson, Dana DiTomaso, and more.

I have it on good authority that the quality of support isn’t likely to magically improve once the virus clears, so let’s consider this the “wayback machine” of GMB support gripes, and just hope that the future doesn’t so clearly reflect the past.

Search Engine Land’s Greg Sterling will lead a Live with Search Engine Land discussion with two leaders in the local marketing agency space: Foursquare CEO David Shim and PlaceIQ CEO Duncan McCall. They will discuss how brands and marketers can use location intelligence as they plot a way forward at 2 p.m. ET May 15. Learn more here >>

Incorrect or misleading information and advice

One very common response from almost all sides was around the issues with incorrect information being presented as fact. While experienced SEO Companys may be able to see through the misinformation, any local business owner looking for help from GMB support runs the risk of being told to do something that either won’t help with their problem at all or will actively damage their business’ visibility.

Ben Fisher (Steady Demand): Phone support is a gamble: if you get someone untrained, they will destroy you with the wrong information. On the other hand, if you get someone who has some sympathy, they will not only help you but follow up to make sure all went okay.

My tip for phone support is to listen to their voice and see if it’s clear that they’re talking from a script. Interrupt them and ask them: “How are you doing?”, “What time is it there?” If they stick to the script, tell them you need to run because of an emergency or something.

I do love live chat, but it is severely understaffed. The staff they have added in the last six months or seem to be the same staff, experience-wise, as phone support.

The worst cases of misinformation I have experienced are where support is telling a user to create a new listing because of the actions of a previous manager. This problem can be overcome, but it’s really difficult and usually requires the involvement of a GMB Product Expert.

Phil Rozek (Local Visibility System): We avoid and dread support at GMB like it’s the DMV. It can be good for simple requests, like moving reviews or redirecting a closed page, but I pretty much never contact support. My clients occasionally  do, simply because that’s more efficient than my acting as a conduit, but that’s a big time-taker because it’s extremely tough to speak with a human at GMB.

When you do get through to someone, often there is a quasi-language barrier that leads to misunderstandings. Then there’s the conflicting advice: over the years, Google reps have claimed things like that keyword stuffing in the description helps rankings, call-tracking numbers aren’t allowed, and that clicks are a direct ranking factor.

I chalk that up to a lack of training, or a lack of clear SOPs from Google, or both. In any event, the time it takes to get help that may or may not help, and the confusion caused by well-meaning GMB support reps, often makes business owners wonder whether they’re too reliant on the “local map” and going about their local visibility all wrong.

Jason Brown (Sterling Sky): To say that the latest round of new hires is not properly trained is the understatement of the year. I know more about Google’s policies and procedures, and find myself having to train the support staff. It’s worse for the average user that doesn’t know any better.

We’re at Google’s mercy, and sadly, they don’t seem to care (at least, that’s the message that they’re conveying). I’ve had to point out countless flaws and issues when I contact support, and have had to contact another Google employee for assistance. The average user can’t do this, and so is left hanging.

Dana DiTomaso (Kick Point): The recommendations coming from official GMB support channels can definitely be misleading. For example, they have said that a listing was suspended because we updated the categories on the listing, yet egregious spam lives on.

There also seems to be a high number of suspended listings right now [this was in late February]: we have a client who has a suspended listing (one out of their several locations) with no reason given, and no response yet to our request for help.

Tom Waddington (tomwaddington.com): While I think GMB support wants to help users resolve their issues, I feel the overall priority, at least for a phone support agent, is to convince you that the issue is resolved or will be in a day or two, so that you leave positive feedback regarding your experience with them.

There is typically a survey you will be asked to complete at the end of a support call, but there have been times when my talk with support didn’t go well, the issue wasn’t resolved, and the call disconnected during the transfer to the survey.

GMB is a complex product and support agents aren’t going to have the training and experience to understand all issues. I think the desire for positive feedback along with genuinely wanting to help a user can lead to bad or incorrect advice from a support agent that is trying to placate the user.

Gyi Tsakalakis (AttorneySync): There seems to be a lot of inconsistency in the quality of support depending who happens to field your inquiry. Some of the GMB support folks seem knowledgeable about the platform and common issues, while others seem to lack even a basic understanding of GMB language and core concepts.

Tim Capper (Online Ownership): Getting some odd advice from business support can be frustrating to businesses as well as the community, especially when said advice is broadcasted publicly: because people think it’s from Google, it must be legitimate advice.

On the contrary, business support is basically a call centre, with set procedures for set issues. They’re not in direct contact with Google My Business product managers, and equally, no single Googler knows or understands what are exact ranking factors are.

I can only surmise (having listened to countless hours of recordings from account managers for GMB listings during compliance auditing), that call handlers who feel confident with the product will offer their own advice whether they think it may help or have heard other agents offer similar advice.

Some particularly troubling pieces of misinformation I’ve heard are:

Adding keywords into your listings, shop code and labels will help your listing rank better (they won’t!)

Deleting a suspended listing and starting again will solve the suspension issue (it won’t!)

Edits made to your GMB listing will ‘reset’ the account’s authority (they won’t!)

A ‘permanently closed’ listing will go away eventually (it might not -– I have a business still showing ‘permanently closed’ after 12yrs and three different businesses at location later!)

Greg Gifford (SearchLab): Every once in a while, I’ve gotten some bad help. We had an issue with a duplicate listing, and got it fixed, and then a month later GMB support finally replied to the initial request we’d put in… and then a month later they answered again.

We’ve also seen the Twitter team send out a few questionable tweets, like saying that keywords in the description help in ranking. Some are more helpful than others, and i think that sometimes they just answer ‘off the cuff’ and don’t realize it’s bad information.

Colan Nielsen (Sterling Sky): Users need to exercise caution when taking advice from GMB support. I’ve actually written a piece detailing the questionable advice I’ve heard.

Dan Leibson (Local Search Guide): I think their support channels suck. I think there is no meaningful way to report systemic, broken things. Everything is treated like you want the secrets to their system or are trying to game the system when you just want them to fix their broken stuff. 

Advertisers get no benefit regardless of spending a ton on ads, despite the fact that they are disproportionately affected by these problems and are more trustworthy sources of reporting.

Speed and efficiency issues

Another commonly-raised issue was the speed efficiency of advice. When your GMB listing is suspended you’re likely to be losing a lot of money every day, and from my chats with the local search community, this is just the tip of the iceberg.

(It should obviously be noted that as of right now, Google has advised that GMB support is going to be slower than ever while they prioritise certain actions related to Covid-19, and social support has been entirely switched off.)

Phil Rozek (Local Visibility System): I had a years-long saga of trying to get Google to remove the “Dentist” category from my Local Visibility System GMB page. Why was it there? Well, as a local SEO Company, I tinker all the time, often using my own GMB page as a lab chimp.

In one experiment I changed the primary category to ‘Dentist,’ but I couldn’t change it back. I I contacted them through Twitter and email, and while the reps were helpful, after some back-and-forth they were stumped, and apparently kicked up the question to a supervisor. I never heard back. (In Google’s defence, I didn’t attempt to call them, but that’s because I didn’t have a business day to spare!)

Gyi Tsakalakis (AttorneySync): GMB issues can have significant consequences for local businesses. When a listing is suspended, it can be really frustrating to get a response like:

Tim Capper (Online Ownership): Support channels all vary in efficiency, especially when there has been a large swath of suspensions. When these happen (and they’re happening more and more), support grinds to a halt. Last year we had an unprecedented 6-week delay in getting reinstatements getting looked at.

I’ve personally found Twitter support to have become swamped as it has become more popular and delays are occurring. You also have to DM details of the issue, which isn’t ideal when it’s a nuanced issue.

Ben Fisher (Steady Demand): According to those whom I talk to at Google, 90% of accounts have only one listing in them. This infers that the majority of listings that are on maps are single users with a single account. In other words, most of them are ‘mom and pop’-type businesses.

So, therefore, GMB builds things that address single account holders the most. Makes sense that support would acknowledge this, right? Heck, no! Have you ever tried to get a reinstatement completed? You get back this email telling you that they need more information, or they are not compliant, or there is a problem with the… whatever.

In the example below, they didn’t tell me the name of the business and supplied a generic response when I asked for it.

However, if you go elsewhere and submit a contact form, you get back this beautiful template that tells you the business name and address!

Claire Carlile (Claire Carlile marketing agency): Personally, when I have an issue, I usually turn to Twitter DMs, but the support I’ve received there has been variable in terms of quality and timeliness.

It is frustrating to send a DM about a problem and then have to wait weeks to get an answer. By the time you get it, you’ve usually found a solution or the problem is no longer a problem!

Personally, I turn to an internal network of fellow GMB aficionados, and the forum, for insight. I just can’t wait two or three weeks for an answer from Twitter support. Also, if you have multiple questions about multiple accounts, it’s very hard to manage responses there.

It’s not all bad, though!

At the time, given the severe slowdown in GMB support responses, the misinformation being shared, and the backup in suspension investigations, I was fully prepared for an onslaught of rage towards the GMB support team. And while I did indeed get that in some quarters, I was really pleasantly surprised by the positive stories, understanding and empathy shown elsewhere.

Joy Hawkins (Sterling Sky): Bad advice is normally given out when users expect Google support to be able to answer questions about ranking tactics, like in this example.

Google My Business support is generally good at fixing issues with listings but there is a limit to what they’re able to do when technical issues and bugs are frequently a problem with the platform. If you’ve been told something by GMB support that you think is incorrect, it’s always fine to get a second opinion by posting on the GMB forum.

Greg Gifford (SearchLab): The support team is trying, but so often they’re completely overwhelmed by the volume of support requests that things don’t work out so well. Overall, I’ve had great experiences. You just have to wait a bit for your reply or solution.

Gyi Tsakalakis (AttorneySync): I’m really empathetic to folks working the GMB support channels. They’re regularly inundated with issues from all directions.

From my vantage point, Google just doesn’t allocate the resources needed to appropriately support GMB. That being said, they’ve definitely moved in the right direction. It wasn’t that long ago that support requests simply went unanswered into the Google abyss.

I’m extremely grateful for the ability to have some means to escalate issues. For example, in dealing with a particularly troublesome law firm listing suspension issue late last year, I got a response within thirty minutes that led to a rapid reinstatement:

Tim Capper (Online Ownership): I really like the original ‘contact support�� form. You can give a pretty detailed report on the issue, then when you get the reply email, you can reply with additional screenshots to help the agent.

By providing the agent with all the details at once in the form, I normally get the issue resolved within 24hrs, with no ‘back-and-forth’ required.

Claire Carlile (Claire Carlile marketing agency): My main point would be that, however frustrated one might be with lack of advice, quality of advice, or speed of advice, we need to remember that GMB is staffed by human beings who are doing their best given whatever resources or internal guidelines they have or do not have.

My tips would be to always be polite, not to be snarky, and to always thank people for their time – whether it’s Max, Flip, Brad, Liz, Mark, Dany, Zach, Matt, Tori or Jenny!

Colan Nielsen (Sterling Sky): Over the years, GMB support has evolved from being virtually non-existent to something that has become very useful for solving most types of GMB issues. Looking at the evolution of the ways that you can contact GMB support alone is a testament to the attention that the GMB product is getting and the progress that they have made.

The future of Google My Business support

While it’s hard for me, here in the spring of 2020, when nothing is as it should be or as any of us would have expected it to be, to summarise the current status of Google My Business support, I do have some closing thoughts on its future courtesy of some of those I spoke to.

Gyi Tsakalakis (AttorneySync): While I’m not very optimistic that it will happen, I’d like to see Google take more accountability for addressing GMB issues and providing support. Like other support contexts, it’s neither fair nor productive to attack the front-line support people. 

Instead, I’d suggest putting more pressure on Google to take Google My Business issues more seriously by allocating the necessary resources to properly support and address these issues. Lack of support is harmful to both businesses and their customers.

Andrew Shotland (Local SEO Company Guide): As is often the case with Google services, the scale of the problem must be in a way overwhelming. And while Google has been making incremental progress, it still feels like a drop in the bucket.

There has been a lot of speculation over the past year that Google is going to roll out a paid GMB service. While we all cringe at Google taking even more money from our collective pockets, if a pay model allows it to more effectively address some of the glaring problems with GMB, I imagine the majority of local businesses and agencies would hold their noses and willingly pay it.

Opinions expressed in this article are those of the guest author and not necessarily Search Engine Land. Staff authors are listed here.

About The Author

Jamie Pitman has worked in digital marketing agency for over a decade and is currently Head of Content at local SEO Company tool provider BrightLocal. He specializes in local marketing agency and the many factors that affect local search performance, from Google My Business and consumer reviews to branding, content marketing agency, and beyond.

Website Design & SEO Delray Beach by DBL07.co

Delray Beach SEO

Via http://www.scpie.org/what-do-local-seos-really-think-of-google-my-business-support/

source https://scpie.weebly.com/blog/what-do-local-seos-really-think-of-google-my-business-support

[riichardwilson]

What do local SEOs really think of Google My Business support?

It’s already hard to remember a time when a local SEO Company’s priorities included having to deal with Google My Business’ various support teams across email, phone, live chat, and social media.

Earlier this year, though, it was a different story. So, inspired by serious issues with incorrect recommendations, errant listing suspensions and very long wait times for reinstatements earlier this year, I sought to find out what the local search experts (many of whom are GMB Product Experts) really thought of the quality of Google My Business’ support, and compiled the following reactions from a long list of local SEO Company pros, including Joy Hawkins, Ben Fisher, Greg Gifford, Dan Leibson, Dana DiTomaso, and more.

I have it on good authority that the quality of support isn’t likely to magically improve once the virus clears, so let’s consider this the “wayback machine” of GMB support gripes, and just hope that the future doesn’t so clearly reflect the past.

Search Engine Land’s Greg Sterling will lead a Live with Search Engine Land discussion with two leaders in the local marketing agency space: Foursquare CEO David Shim and PlaceIQ CEO Duncan McCall. They will discuss how brands and marketers can use location intelligence as they plot a way forward at 2 p.m. ET May 15. Learn more here >>

Incorrect or misleading information and advice

One very common response from almost all sides was around the issues with incorrect information being presented as fact. While experienced SEO Companys may be able to see through the misinformation, any local business owner looking for help from GMB support runs the risk of being told to do something that either won’t help with their problem at all or will actively damage their business’ visibility.

Ben Fisher (Steady Demand): Phone support is a gamble: if you get someone untrained, they will destroy you with the wrong information. On the other hand, if you get someone who has some sympathy, they will not only help you but follow up to make sure all went okay.

My tip for phone support is to listen to their voice and see if it’s clear that they’re talking from a script. Interrupt them and ask them: “How are you doing?”, “What time is it there?” If they stick to the script, tell them you need to run because of an emergency or something.

I do love live chat, but it is severely understaffed. The staff they have added in the last six months or seem to be the same staff, experience-wise, as phone support.

The worst cases of misinformation I have experienced are where support is telling a user to create a new listing because of the actions of a previous manager. This problem can be overcome, but it’s really difficult and usually requires the involvement of a GMB Product Expert.

Phil Rozek (Local Visibility System): We avoid and dread support at GMB like it’s the DMV. It can be good for simple requests, like moving reviews or redirecting a closed page, but I pretty much never contact support. My clients occasionally  do, simply because that’s more efficient than my acting as a conduit, but that’s a big time-taker because it’s extremely tough to speak with a human at GMB.

When you do get through to someone, often there is a quasi-language barrier that leads to misunderstandings. Then there’s the conflicting advice: over the years, Google reps have claimed things like that keyword stuffing in the description helps rankings, call-tracking numbers aren’t allowed, and that clicks are a direct ranking factor.

I chalk that up to a lack of training, or a lack of clear SOPs from Google, or both. In any event, the time it takes to get help that may or may not help, and the confusion caused by well-meaning GMB support reps, often makes business owners wonder whether they’re too reliant on the “local map” and going about their local visibility all wrong.

Jason Brown (Sterling Sky): To say that the latest round of new hires is not properly trained is the understatement of the year. I know more about Google’s policies and procedures, and find myself having to train the support staff. It’s worse for the average user that doesn’t know any better.

We’re at Google’s mercy, and sadly, they don’t seem to care (at least, that’s the message that they’re conveying). I’ve had to point out countless flaws and issues when I contact support, and have had to contact another Google employee for assistance. The average user can’t do this, and so is left hanging.

Dana DiTomaso (Kick Point): The recommendations coming from official GMB support channels can definitely be misleading. For example, they have said that a listing was suspended because we updated the categories on the listing, yet egregious spam lives on.

There also seems to be a high number of suspended listings right now [this was in late February]: we have a client who has a suspended listing (one out of their several locations) with no reason given, and no response yet to our request for help.

Tom Waddington (tomwaddington.com): While I think GMB support wants to help users resolve their issues, I feel the overall priority, at least for a phone support agent, is to convince you that the issue is resolved or will be in a day or two, so that you leave positive feedback regarding your experience with them.

There is typically a survey you will be asked to complete at the end of a support call, but there have been times when my talk with support didn’t go well, the issue wasn’t resolved, and the call disconnected during the transfer to the survey.

GMB is a complex product and support agents aren’t going to have the training and experience to understand all issues. I think the desire for positive feedback along with genuinely wanting to help a user can lead to bad or incorrect advice from a support agent that is trying to placate the user.

Gyi Tsakalakis (AttorneySync): There seems to be a lot of inconsistency in the quality of support depending who happens to field your inquiry. Some of the GMB support folks seem knowledgeable about the platform and common issues, while others seem to lack even a basic understanding of GMB language and core concepts.

Tim Capper (Online Ownership): Getting some odd advice from business support can be frustrating to businesses as well as the community, especially when said advice is broadcasted publicly: because people think it’s from Google, it must be legitimate advice.

On the contrary, business support is basically a call centre, with set procedures for set issues. They’re not in direct contact with Google My Business product managers, and equally, no single Googler knows or understands what are exact ranking factors are.

I can only surmise (having listened to countless hours of recordings from account managers for GMB listings during compliance auditing), that call handlers who feel confident with the product will offer their own advice whether they think it may help or have heard other agents offer similar advice.

Some particularly troubling pieces of misinformation I’ve heard are:

Adding keywords into your listings, shop code and labels will help your listing rank better (they won’t!)

Deleting a suspended listing and starting again will solve the suspension issue (it won’t!)

Edits made to your GMB listing will ‘reset’ the account’s authority (they won’t!)

A ‘permanently closed’ listing will go away eventually (it might not -– I have a business still showing ‘permanently closed’ after 12yrs and three different businesses at location later!)

Greg Gifford (SearchLab): Every once in a while, I’ve gotten some bad help. We had an issue with a duplicate listing, and got it fixed, and then a month later GMB support finally replied to the initial request we’d put in… and then a month later they answered again.

We’ve also seen the Twitter team send out a few questionable tweets, like saying that keywords in the description help in ranking. Some are more helpful than others, and i think that sometimes they just answer ‘off the cuff’ and don’t realize it’s bad information.

Colan Nielsen (Sterling Sky): Users need to exercise caution when taking advice from GMB support. I’ve actually written a piece detailing the questionable advice I’ve heard.

Dan Leibson (Local Search Guide): I think their support channels suck. I think there is no meaningful way to report systemic, broken things. Everything is treated like you want the secrets to their system or are trying to game the system when you just want them to fix their broken stuff. 

Advertisers get no benefit regardless of spending a ton on ads, despite the fact that they are disproportionately affected by these problems and are more trustworthy sources of reporting.

Speed and efficiency issues

Another commonly-raised issue was the speed efficiency of advice. When your GMB listing is suspended you’re likely to be losing a lot of money every day, and from my chats with the local search community, this is just the tip of the iceberg.

(It should obviously be noted that as of right now, Google has advised that GMB support is going to be slower than ever while they prioritise certain actions related to Covid-19, and social support has been entirely switched off.)

Phil Rozek (Local Visibility System): I had a years-long saga of trying to get Google to remove the “Dentist” category from my Local Visibility System GMB page. Why was it there? Well, as a local SEO Company, I tinker all the time, often using my own GMB page as a lab chimp.

In one experiment I changed the primary category to ‘Dentist,’ but I couldn’t change it back. I I contacted them through Twitter and email, and while the reps were helpful, after some back-and-forth they were stumped, and apparently kicked up the question to a supervisor. I never heard back. (In Google’s defence, I didn’t attempt to call them, but that’s because I didn’t have a business day to spare!)

Gyi Tsakalakis (AttorneySync): GMB issues can have significant consequences for local businesses. When a listing is suspended, it can be really frustrating to get a response like:

Tim Capper (Online Ownership): Support channels all vary in efficiency, especially when there has been a large swath of suspensions. When these happen (and they’re happening more and more), support grinds to a halt. Last year we had an unprecedented 6-week delay in getting reinstatements getting looked at.

I’ve personally found Twitter support to have become swamped as it has become more popular and delays are occurring. You also have to DM details of the issue, which isn’t ideal when it’s a nuanced issue.

Ben Fisher (Steady Demand): According to those whom I talk to at Google, 90% of accounts have only one listing in them. This infers that the majority of listings that are on maps are single users with a single account. In other words, most of them are ‘mom and pop’-type businesses.

So, therefore, GMB builds things that address single account holders the most. Makes sense that support would acknowledge this, right? Heck, no! Have you ever tried to get a reinstatement completed? You get back this email telling you that they need more information, or they are not compliant, or there is a problem with the… whatever.

In the example below, they didn’t tell me the name of the business and supplied a generic response when I asked for it.

However, if you go elsewhere and submit a contact form, you get back this beautiful template that tells you the business name and address!

Claire Carlile (Claire Carlile marketing agency): Personally, when I have an issue, I usually turn to Twitter DMs, but the support I’ve received there has been variable in terms of quality and timeliness.

It is frustrating to send a DM about a problem and then have to wait weeks to get an answer. By the time you get it, you’ve usually found a solution or the problem is no longer a problem!

Personally, I turn to an internal network of fellow GMB aficionados, and the forum, for insight. I just can’t wait two or three weeks for an answer from Twitter support. Also, if you have multiple questions about multiple accounts, it’s very hard to manage responses there.

It’s not all bad, though!

At the time, given the severe slowdown in GMB support responses, the misinformation being shared, and the backup in suspension investigations, I was fully prepared for an onslaught of rage towards the GMB support team. And while I did indeed get that in some quarters, I was really pleasantly surprised by the positive stories, understanding and empathy shown elsewhere.

Joy Hawkins (Sterling Sky): Bad advice is normally given out when users expect Google support to be able to answer questions about ranking tactics, like in this example.

Google My Business support is generally good at fixing issues with listings but there is a limit to what they’re able to do when technical issues and bugs are frequently a problem with the platform. If you’ve been told something by GMB support that you think is incorrect, it’s always fine to get a second opinion by posting on the GMB forum.

Greg Gifford (SearchLab): The support team is trying, but so often they’re completely overwhelmed by the volume of support requests that things don’t work out so well. Overall, I’ve had great experiences. You just have to wait a bit for your reply or solution.

Gyi Tsakalakis (AttorneySync): I’m really empathetic to folks working the GMB support channels. They’re regularly inundated with issues from all directions.

From my vantage point, Google just doesn’t allocate the resources needed to appropriately support GMB. That being said, they’ve definitely moved in the right direction. It wasn’t that long ago that support requests simply went unanswered into the Google abyss.

I’m extremely grateful for the ability to have some means to escalate issues. For example, in dealing with a particularly troublesome law firm listing suspension issue late last year, I got a response within thirty minutes that led to a rapid reinstatement:

Tim Capper (Online Ownership): I really like the original ‘contact support’ form. You can give a pretty detailed report on the issue, then when you get the reply email, you can reply with additional screenshots to help the agent.

By providing the agent with all the details at once in the form, I normally get the issue resolved within 24hrs, with no ‘back-and-forth’ required.

Claire Carlile (Claire Carlile marketing agency): My main point would be that, however frustrated one might be with lack of advice, quality of advice, or speed of advice, we need to remember that GMB is staffed by human beings who are doing their best given whatever resources or internal guidelines they have or do not have.

My tips would be to always be polite, not to be snarky, and to always thank people for their time – whether it’s Max, Flip, Brad, Liz, Mark, Dany, Zach, Matt, Tori or Jenny!

Colan Nielsen (Sterling Sky): Over the years, GMB support has evolved from being virtually non-existent to something that has become very useful for solving most types of GMB issues. Looking at the evolution of the ways that you can contact GMB support alone is a testament to the attention that the GMB product is getting and the progress that they have made.

The future of Google My Business support

While it’s hard for me, here in the spring of 2020, when nothing is as it should be or as any of us would have expected it to be, to summarise the current status of Google My Business support, I do have some closing thoughts on its future courtesy of some of those I spoke to.

Gyi Tsakalakis (AttorneySync): While I’m not very optimistic that it will happen, I’d like to see Google take more accountability for addressing GMB issues and providing support. Like other support contexts, it’s neither fair nor productive to attack the front-line support people. 

Instead, I’d suggest putting more pressure on Google to take Google My Business issues more seriously by allocating the necessary resources to properly support and address these issues. Lack of support is harmful to both businesses and their customers.

Andrew Shotland (Local SEO Company Guide): As is often the case with Google services, the scale of the problem must be in a way overwhelming. And while Google has been making incremental progress, it still feels like a drop in the bucket.

There has been a lot of speculation over the past year that Google is going to roll out a paid GMB service. While we all cringe at Google taking even more money from our collective pockets, if a pay model allows it to more effectively address some of the glaring problems with GMB, I imagine the majority of local businesses and agencies would hold their noses and willingly pay it.

Opinions expressed in this article are those of the guest author and not necessarily Search Engine Land. Staff authors are listed here.

About The Author

Jamie Pitman has worked in digital marketing agency for over a decade and is currently Head of Content at local SEO Company tool provider BrightLocal. He specializes in local marketing agency and the many factors that affect local search performance, from Google My Business and consumer reviews to branding, content marketing agency, and beyond.

Website Design & SEO Delray Beach by DBL07.co

Delray Beach SEO

source http://www.scpie.org/what-do-local-seos-really-think-of-google-my-business-support/ source https://scpie.tumblr.com/post/618136337140367360

[scpie]

What do local SEOs really think of Google My Business support?

It’s already hard to remember a time when a local SEO Company’s priorities included having to deal with Google My Business’ various support teams across email, phone, live chat, and social media.

Earlier this year, though, it was a different story. So, inspired by serious issues with incorrect recommendations, errant listing suspensions and very long wait times for reinstatements earlier this year, I sought to find out what the local search experts (many of whom are GMB Product Experts) really thought of the quality of Google My Business’ support, and compiled the following reactions from a long list of local SEO Company pros, including Joy Hawkins, Ben Fisher, Greg Gifford, Dan Leibson, Dana DiTomaso, and more.

I have it on good authority that the quality of support isn’t likely to magically improve once the virus clears, so let’s consider this the “wayback machine” of GMB support gripes, and just hope that the future doesn’t so clearly reflect the past.

Search Engine Land’s Greg Sterling will lead a Live with Search Engine Land discussion with two leaders in the local marketing agency space: Foursquare CEO David Shim and PlaceIQ CEO Duncan McCall. They will discuss how brands and marketers can use location intelligence as they plot a way forward at 2 p.m. ET May 15. Learn more here >>

Incorrect or misleading information and advice

One very common response from almost all sides was around the issues with incorrect information being presented as fact. While experienced SEO Companys may be able to see through the misinformation, any local business owner looking for help from GMB support runs the risk of being told to do something that either won’t help with their problem at all or will actively damage their business’ visibility.

Ben Fisher (Steady Demand): Phone support is a gamble: if you get someone untrained, they will destroy you with the wrong information. On the other hand, if you get someone who has some sympathy, they will not only help you but follow up to make sure all went okay.

My tip for phone support is to listen to their voice and see if it’s clear that they’re talking from a script. Interrupt them and ask them: “How are you doing?”, “What time is it there?” If they stick to the script, tell them you need to run because of an emergency or something.

I do love live chat, but it is severely understaffed. The staff they have added in the last six months or seem to be the same staff, experience-wise, as phone support.

The worst cases of misinformation I have experienced are where support is telling a user to create a new listing because of the actions of a previous manager. This problem can be overcome, but it’s really difficult and usually requires the involvement of a GMB Product Expert.

Phil Rozek (Local Visibility System): We avoid and dread support at GMB like it’s the DMV. It can be good for simple requests, like moving reviews or redirecting a closed page, but I pretty much never contact support. My clients occasionally  do, simply because that’s more efficient than my acting as a conduit, but that’s a big time-taker because it’s extremely tough to speak with a human at GMB.

When you do get through to someone, often there is a quasi-language barrier that leads to misunderstandings. Then there’s the conflicting advice: over the years, Google reps have claimed things like that keyword stuffing in the description helps rankings, call-tracking numbers aren’t allowed, and that clicks are a direct ranking factor.

I chalk that up to a lack of training, or a lack of clear SOPs from Google, or both. In any event, the time it takes to get help that may or may not help, and the confusion caused by well-meaning GMB support reps, often makes business owners wonder whether they’re too reliant on the “local map” and going about their local visibility all wrong.

Jason Brown (Sterling Sky): To say that the latest round of new hires is not properly trained is the understatement of the year. I know more about Google’s policies and procedures, and find myself having to train the support staff. It’s worse for the average user that doesn’t know any better.

We’re at Google’s mercy, and sadly, they don’t seem to care (at least, that’s the message that they’re conveying). I’ve had to point out countless flaws and issues when I contact support, and have had to contact another Google employee for assistance. The average user can’t do this, and so is left hanging.

Dana DiTomaso (Kick Point): The recommendations coming from official GMB support channels can definitely be misleading. For example, they have said that a listing was suspended because we updated the categories on the listing, yet egregious spam lives on.

There also seems to be a high number of suspended listings right now [this was in late February]: we have a client who has a suspended listing (one out of their several locations) with no reason given, and no response yet to our request for help.

Tom Waddington (tomwaddington.com): While I think GMB support wants to help users resolve their issues, I feel the overall priority, at least for a phone support agent, is to convince you that the issue is resolved or will be in a day or two, so that you leave positive feedback regarding your experience with them.

There is typically a survey you will be asked to complete at the end of a support call, but there have been times when my talk with support didn’t go well, the issue wasn’t resolved, and the call disconnected during the transfer to the survey.

GMB is a complex product and support agents aren’t going to have the training and experience to understand all issues. I think the desire for positive feedback along with genuinely wanting to help a user can lead to bad or incorrect advice from a support agent that is trying to placate the user.

Gyi Tsakalakis (AttorneySync): There seems to be a lot of inconsistency in the quality of support depending who happens to field your inquiry. Some of the GMB support folks seem knowledgeable about the platform and common issues, while others seem to lack even a basic understanding of GMB language and core concepts.

Tim Capper (Online Ownership): Getting some odd advice from business support can be frustrating to businesses as well as the community, especially when said advice is broadcasted publicly: because people think it’s from Google, it must be legitimate advice.

On the contrary, business support is basically a call centre, with set procedures for set issues. They’re not in direct contact with Google My Business product managers, and equally, no single Googler knows or understands what are exact ranking factors are.

I can only surmise (having listened to countless hours of recordings from account managers for GMB listings during compliance auditing), that call handlers who feel confident with the product will offer their own advice whether they think it may help or have heard other agents offer similar advice.

Some particularly troubling pieces of misinformation I’ve heard are:

Adding keywords into your listings, shop code and labels will help your listing rank better (they won’t!)

Deleting a suspended listing and starting again will solve the suspension issue (it won’t!)

Edits made to your GMB listing will ‘reset’ the account’s authority (they won’t!)

A ‘permanently closed’ listing will go away eventually (it might not -– I have a business still showing ‘permanently closed’ after 12yrs and three different businesses at location later!)

Greg Gifford (SearchLab): Every once in a while, I’ve gotten some bad help. We had an issue with a duplicate listing, and got it fixed, and then a month later GMB support finally replied to the initial request we’d put in… and then a month later they answered again.

We’ve also seen the Twitter team send out a few questionable tweets, like saying that keywords in the description help in ranking. Some are more helpful than others, and i think that sometimes they just answer ‘off the cuff’ and don’t realize it’s bad information.

Colan Nielsen (Sterling Sky): Users need to exercise caution when taking advice from GMB support. I’ve actually written a piece detailing the questionable advice I’ve heard.

Dan Leibson (Local Search Guide): I think their support channels suck. I think there is no meaningful way to report systemic, broken things. Everything is treated like you want the secrets to their system or are trying to game the system when you just want them to fix their broken stuff. 

Advertisers get no benefit regardless of spending a ton on ads, despite the fact that they are disproportionately affected by these problems and are more trustworthy sources of reporting.

Speed and efficiency issues

Another commonly-raised issue was the speed efficiency of advice. When your GMB listing is suspended you’re likely to be losing a lot of money every day, and from my chats with the local search community, this is just the tip of the iceberg.

(It should obviously be noted that as of right now, Google has advised that GMB support is going to be slower than ever while they prioritise certain actions related to Covid-19, and social support has been entirely switched off.)

Phil Rozek (Local Visibility System): I had a years-long saga of trying to get Google to remove the “Dentist” category from my Local Visibility System GMB page. Why was it there? Well, as a local SEO Company, I tinker all the time, often using my own GMB page as a lab chimp.

In one experiment I changed the primary category to ‘Dentist,’ but I couldn’t change it back. I I contacted them through Twitter and email, and while the reps were helpful, after some back-and-forth they were stumped, and apparently kicked up the question to a supervisor. I never heard back. (In Google’s defence, I didn’t attempt to call them, but that’s because I didn’t have a business day to spare!)

Gyi Tsakalakis (AttorneySync): GMB issues can have significant consequences for local businesses. When a listing is suspended, it can be really frustrating to get a response like:

Tim Capper (Online Ownership): Support channels all vary in efficiency, especially when there has been a large swath of suspensions. When these happen (and they’re happening more and more), support grinds to a halt. Last year we had an unprecedented 6-week delay in getting reinstatements getting looked at.

I’ve personally found Twitter support to have become swamped as it has become more popular and delays are occurring. You also have to DM details of the issue, which isn’t ideal when it’s a nuanced issue.

Ben Fisher (Steady Demand): According to those whom I talk to at Google, 90% of accounts have only one listing in them. This infers that the majority of listings that are on maps are single users with a single account. In other words, most of them are ‘mom and pop’-type businesses.

So, therefore, GMB builds things that address single account holders the most. Makes sense that support would acknowledge this, right? Heck, no! Have you ever tried to get a reinstatement completed? You get back this email telling you that they need more information, or they are not compliant, or there is a problem with the… whatever.

In the example below, they didn’t tell me the name of the business and supplied a generic response when I asked for it.

However, if you go elsewhere and submit a contact form, you get back this beautiful template that tells you the business name and address!

Claire Carlile (Claire Carlile marketing agency): Personally, when I have an issue, I usually turn to Twitter DMs, but the support I’ve received there has been variable in terms of quality and timeliness.

It is frustrating to send a DM about a problem and then have to wait weeks to get an answer. By the time you get it, you’ve usually found a solution or the problem is no longer a problem!

Personally, I turn to an internal network of fellow GMB aficionados, and the forum, for insight. I just can’t wait two or three weeks for an answer from Twitter support. Also, if you have multiple questions about multiple accounts, it’s very hard to manage responses there.

It’s not all bad, though!

At the time, given the severe slowdown in GMB support responses, the misinformation being shared, and the backup in suspension investigations, I was fully prepared for an onslaught of rage towards the GMB support team. And while I did indeed get that in some quarters, I was really pleasantly surprised by the positive stories, understanding and empathy shown elsewhere.

Joy Hawkins (Sterling Sky): Bad advice is normally given out when users expect Google support to be able to answer questions about ranking tactics, like in this example.

Google My Business support is generally good at fixing issues with listings but there is a limit to what they’re able to do when technical issues and bugs are frequently a problem with the platform. If you’ve been told something by GMB support that you think is incorrect, it’s always fine to get a second opinion by posting on the GMB forum.

Greg Gifford (SearchLab): The support team is trying, but so often they’re completely overwhelmed by the volume of support requests that things don’t work out so well. Overall, I’ve had great experiences. You just have to wait a bit for your reply or solution.

Gyi Tsakalakis (AttorneySync): I’m really empathetic to folks working the GMB support channels. They’re regularly inundated with issues from all directions.

From my vantage point, Google just doesn’t allocate the resources needed to appropriately support GMB. That being said, they’ve definitely moved in the right direction. It wasn’t that long ago that support requests simply went unanswered into the Google abyss.

I’m extremely grateful for the ability to have some means to escalate issues. For example, in dealing with a particularly troublesome law firm listing suspension issue late last year, I got a response within thirty minutes that led to a rapid reinstatement:

Tim Capper (Online Ownership): I really like the original ‘contact support’ form. You can give a pretty detailed report on the issue, then when you get the reply email, you can reply with additional screenshots to help the agent.

By providing the agent with all the details at once in the form, I normally get the issue resolved within 24hrs, with no ‘back-and-forth’ required.

Claire Carlile (Claire Carlile marketing agency): My main point would be that, however frustrated one might be with lack of advice, quality of advice, or speed of advice, we need to remember that GMB is staffed by human beings who are doing their best given whatever resources or internal guidelines they have or do not have.

My tips would be to always be polite, not to be snarky, and to always thank people for their time – whether it’s Max, Flip, Brad, Liz, Mark, Dany, Zach, Matt, Tori or Jenny!

Colan Nielsen (Sterling Sky): Over the years, GMB support has evolved from being virtually non-existent to something that has become very useful for solving most types of GMB issues. Looking at the evolution of the ways that you can contact GMB support alone is a testament to the attention that the GMB product is getting and the progress that they have made.

The future of Google My Business support

While it’s hard for me, here in the spring of 2020, when nothing is as it should be or as any of us would have expected it to be, to summarise the current status of Google My Business support, I do have some closing thoughts on its future courtesy of some of those I spoke to.

Gyi Tsakalakis (AttorneySync): While I’m not very optimistic that it will happen, I’d like to see Google take more accountability for addressing GMB issues and providing support. Like other support contexts, it’s neither fair nor productive to attack the front-line support people. 

Instead, I’d suggest putting more pressure on Google to take Google My Business issues more seriously by allocating the necessary resources to properly support and address these issues. Lack of support is harmful to both businesses and their customers.

Andrew Shotland (Local SEO Company Guide): As is often the case with Google services, the scale of the problem must be in a way overwhelming. And while Google has been making incremental progress, it still feels like a drop in the bucket.

There has been a lot of speculation over the past year that Google is going to roll out a paid GMB service. While we all cringe at Google taking even more money from our collective pockets, if a pay model allows it to more effectively address some of the glaring problems with GMB, I imagine the majority of local businesses and agencies would hold their noses and willingly pay it.

Opinions expressed in this article are those of the guest author and not necessarily Search Engine Land. Staff authors are listed here.

About The Author

Jamie Pitman has worked in digital marketing agency for over a decade and is currently Head of Content at local SEO Company tool provider BrightLocal. He specializes in local marketing agency and the many factors that affect local search performance, from Google My Business and consumer reviews to branding, content marketing agency, and beyond.

Website Design & SEO Delray Beach by DBL07.co

Delray Beach SEO

source http://www.scpie.org/what-do-local-seos-really-think-of-google-my-business-support/

[laurelkrugerr]

What do local SEOs really think of Google My Business support?

It’s already hard to remember a time when a local SEO Company’s priorities included having to deal with Google My Business’ various support teams across email, phone, live chat, and social media.

Earlier this year, though, it was a different story. So, inspired by serious issues with incorrect recommendations, errant listing suspensions and very long wait times for reinstatements earlier this year, I sought to find out what the local search experts (many of whom are GMB Product Experts) really thought of the quality of Google My Business’ support, and compiled the following reactions from a long list of local SEO Company pros, including Joy Hawkins, Ben Fisher, Greg Gifford, Dan Leibson, Dana DiTomaso, and more.

I have it on good authority that the quality of support isn’t likely to magically improve once the virus clears, so let’s consider this the “wayback machine” of GMB support gripes, and just hope that the future doesn’t so clearly reflect the past.

Search Engine Land’s Greg Sterling will lead a Live with Search Engine Land discussion with two leaders in the local marketing agency space: Foursquare CEO David Shim and PlaceIQ CEO Duncan McCall. They will discuss how brands and marketers can use location intelligence as they plot a way forward at 2 p.m. ET May 15. Learn more here >>

Incorrect or misleading information and advice

One very common response from almost all sides was around the issues with incorrect information being presented as fact. While experienced SEO Companys may be able to see through the misinformation, any local business owner looking for help from GMB support runs the risk of being told to do something that either won’t help with their problem at all or will actively damage their business’ visibility.

Ben Fisher (Steady Demand): Phone support is a gamble: if you get someone untrained, they will destroy you with the wrong information. On the other hand, if you get someone who has some sympathy, they will not only help you but follow up to make sure all went okay.

My tip for phone support is to listen to their voice and see if it’s clear that they’re talking from a script. Interrupt them and ask them: “How are you doing?”, “What time is it there?” If they stick to the script, tell them you need to run because of an emergency or something.

I do love live chat, but it is severely understaffed. The staff they have added in the last six months or seem to be the same staff, experience-wise, as phone support.

The worst cases of misinformation I have experienced are where support is telling a user to create a new listing because of the actions of a previous manager. This problem can be overcome, but it’s really difficult and usually requires the involvement of a GMB Product Expert.

Phil Rozek (Local Visibility System): We avoid and dread support at GMB like it’s the DMV. It can be good for simple requests, like moving reviews or redirecting a closed page, but I pretty much never contact support. My clients occasionally  do, simply because that’s more efficient than my acting as a conduit, but that’s a big time-taker because it’s extremely tough to speak with a human at GMB.

When you do get through to someone, often there is a quasi-language barrier that leads to misunderstandings. Then there’s the conflicting advice: over the years, Google reps have claimed things like that keyword stuffing in the description helps rankings, call-tracking numbers aren’t allowed, and that clicks are a direct ranking factor.

I chalk that up to a lack of training, or a lack of clear SOPs from Google, or both. In any event, the time it takes to get help that may or may not help, and the confusion caused by well-meaning GMB support reps, often makes business owners wonder whether they’re too reliant on the “local map” and going about their local visibility all wrong.

Jason Brown (Sterling Sky): To say that the latest round of new hires is not properly trained is the understatement of the year. I know more about Google’s policies and procedures, and find myself having to train the support staff. It’s worse for the average user that doesn’t know any better.

We’re at Google’s mercy, and sadly, they don’t seem to care (at least, that’s the message that they’re conveying). I’ve had to point out countless flaws and issues when I contact support, and have had to contact another Google employee for assistance. The average user can’t do this, and so is left hanging.

Dana DiTomaso (Kick Point): The recommendations coming from official GMB support channels can definitely be misleading. For example, they have said that a listing was suspended because we updated the categories on the listing, yet egregious spam lives on.

There also seems to be a high number of suspended listings right now [this was in late February]: we have a client who has a suspended listing (one out of their several locations) with no reason given, and no response yet to our request for help.

Tom Waddington (tomwaddington.com): While I think GMB support wants to help users resolve their issues, I feel the overall priority, at least for a phone support agent, is to convince you that the issue is resolved or will be in a day or two, so that you leave positive feedback regarding your experience with them.

There is typically a survey you will be asked to complete at the end of a support call, but there have been times when my talk with support didn’t go well, the issue wasn’t resolved, and the call disconnected during the transfer to the survey.

GMB is a complex product and support agents aren’t going to have the training and experience to understand all issues. I think the desire for positive feedback along with genuinely wanting to help a user can lead to bad or incorrect advice from a support agent that is trying to placate the user.

Gyi Tsakalakis (AttorneySync): There seems to be a lot of inconsistency in the quality of support depending who happens to field your inquiry. Some of the GMB support folks seem knowledgeable about the platform and common issues, while others seem to lack even a basic understanding of GMB language and core concepts.

Tim Capper (Online Ownership): Getting some odd advice from business support can be frustrating to businesses as well as the community, especially when said advice is broadcasted publicly: because people think it’s from Google, it must be legitimate advice.

On the contrary, business support is basically a call centre, with set procedures for set issues. They’re not in direct contact with Google My Business product managers, and equally, no single Googler knows or understands what are exact ranking factors are.

I can only surmise (having listened to countless hours of recordings from account managers for GMB listings during compliance auditing), that call handlers who feel confident with the product will offer their own advice whether they think it may help or have heard other agents offer similar advice.

Some particularly troubling pieces of misinformation I’ve heard are:

Adding keywords into your listings, shop code and labels will help your listing rank better (they won’t!)

Deleting a suspended listing and starting again will solve the suspension issue (it won’t!)

Edits made to your GMB listing will ‘reset’ the account’s authority (they won’t!)

A ‘permanently closed’ listing will go away eventually (it might not -– I have a business still showing ‘permanently closed’ after 12yrs and three different businesses at location later!)

Greg Gifford (SearchLab): Every once in a while, I’ve gotten some bad help. We had an issue with a duplicate listing, and got it fixed, and then a month later GMB support finally replied to the initial request we’d put in… and then a month later they answered again.

We’ve also seen the Twitter team send out a few questionable tweets, like saying that keywords in the description help in ranking. Some are more helpful than others, and i think that sometimes they just answer ‘off the cuff’ and don’t realize it’s bad information.

Colan Nielsen (Sterling Sky): Users need to exercise caution when taking advice from GMB support. I’ve actually written a piece detailing the questionable advice I’ve heard.

Dan Leibson (Local Search Guide): I think their support channels suck. I think there is no meaningful way to report systemic, broken things. Everything is treated like you want the secrets to their system or are trying to game the system when you just want them to fix their broken stuff. 

Advertisers get no benefit regardless of spending a ton on ads, despite the fact that they are disproportionately affected by these problems and are more trustworthy sources of reporting.

Speed and efficiency issues

Another commonly-raised issue was the speed efficiency of advice. When your GMB listing is suspended you’re likely to be losing a lot of money every day, and from my chats with the local search community, this is just the tip of the iceberg.

(It should obviously be noted that as of right now, Google has advised that GMB support is going to be slower than ever while they prioritise certain actions related to Covid-19, and social support has been entirely switched off.)

Phil Rozek (Local Visibility System): I had a years-long saga of trying to get Google to remove the “Dentist” category from my Local Visibility System GMB page. Why was it there? Well, as a local SEO Company, I tinker all the time, often using my own GMB page as a lab chimp.

In one experiment I changed the primary category to ‘Dentist,’ but I couldn’t change it back. I I contacted them through Twitter and email, and while the reps were helpful, after some back-and-forth they were stumped, and apparently kicked up the question to a supervisor. I never heard back. (In Google’s defence, I didn’t attempt to call them, but that’s because I didn’t have a business day to spare!)

Gyi Tsakalakis (AttorneySync): GMB issues can have significant consequences for local businesses. When a listing is suspended, it can be really frustrating to get a response like:

Tim Capper (Online Ownership): Support channels all vary in efficiency, especially when there has been a large swath of suspensions. When these happen (and they’re happening more and more), support grinds to a halt. Last year we had an unprecedented 6-week delay in getting reinstatements getting looked at.

I’ve personally found Twitter support to have become swamped as it has become more popular and delays are occurring. You also have to DM details of the issue, which isn’t ideal when it’s a nuanced issue.

Ben Fisher (Steady Demand): According to those whom I talk to at Google, 90% of accounts have only one listing in them. This infers that the majority of listings that are on maps are single users with a single account. In other words, most of them are ‘mom and pop’-type businesses.

So, therefore, GMB builds things that address single account holders the most. Makes sense that support would acknowledge this, right? Heck, no! Have you ever tried to get a reinstatement completed? You get back this email telling you that they need more information, or they are not compliant, or there is a problem with the… whatever.

In the example below, they didn’t tell me the name of the business and supplied a generic response when I asked for it.

However, if you go elsewhere and submit a contact form, you get back this beautiful template that tells you the business name and address!

Claire Carlile (Claire Carlile marketing agency): Personally, when I have an issue, I usually turn to Twitter DMs, but the support I’ve received there has been variable in terms of quality and timeliness.

It is frustrating to send a DM about a problem and then have to wait weeks to get an answer. By the time you get it, you’ve usually found a solution or the problem is no longer a problem!

Personally, I turn to an internal network of fellow GMB aficionados, and the forum, for insight. I just can’t wait two or three weeks for an answer from Twitter support. Also, if you have multiple questions about multiple accounts, it’s very hard to manage responses there.

It’s not all bad, though!

At the time, given the severe slowdown in GMB support responses, the misinformation being shared, and the backup in suspension investigations, I was fully prepared for an onslaught of rage towards the GMB support team. And while I did indeed get that in some quarters, I was really pleasantly surprised by the positive stories, understanding and empathy shown elsewhere.

Joy Hawkins (Sterling Sky): Bad advice is normally given out when users expect Google support to be able to answer questions about ranking tactics, like in this example.

Google My Business support is generally good at fixing issues with listings but there is a limit to what they’re able to do when technical issues and bugs are frequently a problem with the platform. If you’ve been told something by GMB support that you think is incorrect, it’s always fine to get a second opinion by posting on the GMB forum.

Greg Gifford (SearchLab): The support team is trying, but so often they’re completely overwhelmed by the volume of support requests that things don’t work out so well. Overall, I’ve had great experiences. You just have to wait a bit for your reply or solution.

Gyi Tsakalakis (AttorneySync): I’m really empathetic to folks working the GMB support channels. They’re regularly inundated with issues from all directions.

From my vantage point, Google just doesn’t allocate the resources needed to appropriately support GMB. That being said, they’ve definitely moved in the right direction. It wasn’t that long ago that support requests simply went unanswered into the Google abyss.

I’m extremely grateful for the ability to have some means to escalate issues. For example, in dealing with a particularly troublesome law firm listing suspension issue late last year, I got a response within thirty minutes that led to a rapid reinstatement:

Tim Capper (Online Ownership): I really like the original ‘contact support’ form. You can give a pretty detailed report on the issue, then when you get the reply email, you can reply with additional screenshots to help the agent.

By providing the agent with all the details at once in the form, I normally get the issue resolved within 24hrs, with no ‘back-and-forth’ required.

Claire Carlile (Claire Carlile marketing agency): My main point would be that, however frustrated one might be with lack of advice, quality of advice, or speed of advice, we need to remember that GMB is staffed by human beings who are doing their best given whatever resources or internal guidelines they have or do not have.

My tips would be to always be polite, not to be snarky, and to always thank people for their time – whether it’s Max, Flip, Brad, Liz, Mark, Dany, Zach, Matt, Tori or Jenny!

Colan Nielsen (Sterling Sky): Over the years, GMB support has evolved from being virtually non-existent to something that has become very useful for solving most types of GMB issues. Looking at the evolution of the ways that you can contact GMB support alone is a testament to the attention that the GMB product is getting and the progress that they have made.

The future of Google My Business support

While it’s hard for me, here in the spring of 2020, when nothing is as it should be or as any of us would have expected it to be, to summarise the current status of Google My Business support, I do have some closing thoughts on its future courtesy of some of those I spoke to.

Gyi Tsakalakis (AttorneySync): While I’m not very optimistic that it will happen, I’d like to see Google take more accountability for addressing GMB issues and providing support. Like other support contexts, it’s neither fair nor productive to attack the front-line support people. 

Instead, I’d suggest putting more pressure on Google to take Google My Business issues more seriously by allocating the necessary resources to properly support and address these issues. Lack of support is harmful to both businesses and their customers.

Andrew Shotland (Local SEO Company Guide): As is often the case with Google services, the scale of the problem must be in a way overwhelming. And while Google has been making incremental progress, it still feels like a drop in the bucket.

There has been a lot of speculation over the past year that Google is going to roll out a paid GMB service. While we all cringe at Google taking even more money from our collective pockets, if a pay model allows it to more effectively address some of the glaring problems with GMB, I imagine the majority of local businesses and agencies would hold their noses and willingly pay it.

Opinions expressed in this article are those of the guest author and not necessarily Search Engine Land. Staff authors are listed here.

About The Author

Jamie Pitman has worked in digital marketing agency for over a decade and is currently Head of Content at local SEO Company tool provider BrightLocal. He specializes in local marketing agency and the many factors that affect local search performance, from Google My Business and consumer reviews to branding, content marketing agency, and beyond.

Website Design & SEO Delray Beach by DBL07.co

Delray Beach SEO

source http://www.scpie.org/what-do-local-seos-really-think-of-google-my-business-support/ source https://scpie1.blogspot.com/2020/05/what-do-local-seos-really-think-of.html

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Book Review: The Warren Buffett Shareholder

One of the highlights of the yearly business calendar is the annual meeting of Berkshire Hathaway shareholders. Every spring tens of thousands of the Berkshire faithful make the haj to Omaha, to hear the wisdom of Berkshire’s Chairman, Warren Buffett, and his long-standing side-kick and straight man, Charlie Munger. How did this assembly become such a widely attended and closely watched event, and why do so many people attend year after year? These questions are interestingly examined in a recent book of short essays edited by the wife and husband team of George Washington University Law School Professor Lawrence Cunningham and New York attorney and real estate developer Stephanie Cuba. The book, entitled “The Warren Buffett Shareholder: Stories from Inside the Berkshire Hathaway Annual Meeting” (here), provides a series of interesting glimpses of what the Berkshire shareholder meeting means to a number of different regular attendees, along the way illustrating how and why the meeting has become the phenomenon that it now is.

  Even those who do not closely follow Berkshire know some of the standard features of the company’s annual meeting, including the hours-long Q&A session in which Buffett and Munger field questions from the audience on a wide range of subjects. Other perennial features for many attendees include, for example, the obligatory jewelry shopping trip at Borsheim’s or steak dinner at Gorat’s, Buffett’s newspaper throwing contest, and a host of other campy or corny features and events. The Berkshire shareholder meeting is not your typical shareholders’ meeting. In the annals of corporate America, Berkshire’s meeting is unique.

  On reading this book of essays, it becomes clear that while these well-known features of the meeting are valued and even treasured by many of the essays’ authors, for many these aspects of the meeting are not their most important reasons for attending. Rather, for many, the value of the meeting is the opportunity to encounter and to get to know other like-minded people who have also re-arranged their lives to spend a few days in Omaha.

  The book’s 40 essays include contributions from a wide range of prominent and not so prominent authors, including, for example, the journalist Jason Zweig; Vanguard founder John C. Bogle; and Berkshire subsidiary CEOs Tony Nicely, of Geico, and Bruce Whitman of Flight Safety.

  While all of the essays are interesting, there are a few gems. I particularly liked the contribution from Tom Gayner, who has been credited with running Markel Corporation, the company of which he is co-CEO, as a “baby Berkshire.” Gayner recounts how early in his career he became a Buffett devotee, and how he came to organize what has become one of the many satellite events, the Markel brunch, which now regularly attracts hundreds of attendees. The book’s essays also include charming accounts from two local Omaha booksellers and how they and their businesses became a regular part of the shareholder meeting, in order to service the shareholders’ demand for books about Buffett or that Buffett or Munger mention from the stage.

  The essays also include a number of anecdotes about funny or interesting things that happened over the years at the shareholder meetings. My favorite anecdote in the book is recounted in the essay by University of Nebraska Omaha business professor Robert P. Miles. As Miles recounts, an elderly women approached the microphone on the floor at the shareholder meeting and said “Mr. Buffett, I only own one B share. May I ask a question?” Miles reports that Buffett answered, “Ma’am, between you and me, we own half the company. What’s your question?”

  The one thing that comes through from reading all of the essays is the fervor that each of the authors feels about the annual meeting. Many of the authors describe their feelings about the meeting use the vocabulary of religion or spirituality. Numerous authors refer to their attendance at the event as a “pilgrimage.” In the same vein, many of the authors say that attending the meeting has not only made them better investors, but better people, as it has helped them to gain insight into the right way to live. In his essay, Whitney Tilson, the CEO of Kase Learning, expressly describes the feelings of the Berkshire faithful as “like a religion” (adding, perhaps aware of how over-the-top this sounds, “I’m only sort of joking.”)

  There is no doubt that Buffett’s and Berkshire’s accomplishments are remarkable, and the fact that Buffett has accomplished all he has while retaining a well-deserved reputation for integrity is extraordinary, but some of the pseudo-religiosity expressed in the essays is excessive. Let’s be honest, none of this would be happening if Buffett had not made Berkshire shareholders a lot of money. As attorney Simon Lorne admits in his essay, “if Berkshire had not been so financially successful, the other endearing qualities would quickly wear thing.”

  But while the zeal of some of the authors may be excessive, their enthusiasm for the meeting seems genuine enough. Over and over, the authors mention how rewarding it has been over the years getting to know the other Berkshire shareholders. A number of the authors’ essays emphasize that the reason they come back year after year is not just the meeting itself, but the various satellite gatherings, side meetings, lunches and post-meeting events, many of which have been annual occasions just like the shareholder meeting itself. The one thing is clear is that the meeting has created its own ecosystem in which a broad community of like-minded people enjoy each other’s company.

  A number of authors note that there is a certain sameness to the meeting itself. More than one author notes that over time, you do start to hear the same questions and answers over and over again. Several authors attempt to suggest that the sameness is part of the event’s reassuring familiarity and charm. Others noted that it may be time for some changes.

  For example, investment manager and author Robert Hagstrom suggests in his essay that the time may have come to change the line-up a little bit. He suggests that Berkshire assistant investment managers Ted Weschler and Todd Combs could get some airtime, or that Ajit Jain and Greg Abel, the company’s Vice Chairman, would be popular additions to the program. For Berkshire shareholders nervous about Buffett’s and Munger’s mortality, these suggestions have merit – better to introduce the back-up squad now, before the day comes when they have to be rushed into the lineup.

  One thing reading these essays did for me is that it made me reflect on my own experience in attending a Berkshire shareholders meeting. (I own BRK.B shares although not nearly as many as I wish I did.) I attended the 2003 event. I did the whole thing. I went to Borsheim’s and ogled the jewelry I couldn’t afford. I stood in line for hours in the hoping of getting a good seat. I managed to meet Buffett, as he was walking into the entrance of the Omaha Marriott. I met Ajit Jain. I also got to hang out and spend some quality time with the CEO and CFO of my company’s parent organization.

  It was all great, I enjoyed it and I am glad I did it. But once was enough for me. I feel about the Berkshire shareholders meeting the same way I feel about Mardi Gras or Octoberfest; they are all great events and worth doing, but doing it once is enough to get the idea. Having done the shareholders meeting once, I feel no need to do it again.

  The authors of the essays clearly had a different experience. By contrast to my experience, they seem to feel almost compelled to return for the meeting every year. Perhaps the difference is that I didn’t connect the same way with the community of the Berkshire people. Or maybe it is that the meeting attracts a certain kind of person, consistent with the way that Buffett has set about systematically trying to attract a certain kind of shareholder as his owner/partners.

  The meeting itself is an expression of the company’s personality and culture. The most devoted of the Berkshire faithful – and all of the authors represented in this book are nothing if not devoted – see themselves in the company’s personality and culture. It is not too much to say that the company’s personality and culture has become part of who they are – perhaps just as they are part of what the company has become as well.

  I highly recommend this book for anyone who wants to understand the whole Berkshire phenomenon. The essays are well-chosen and readable, and collectively they help explain why Berkshire is a unique company, in so many ways.

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