#AHHHHH IM INSANE IM INSANE IM INSANEEEE

[smiling-stel]

I've got a similar brainwave touching in on more of how Cale seeks respite from his Record ability

Often in the story it doesn't go into long detail of how Cale rests (that i can remember anyway) except for the instances where he's collapsed, fainted, and unconscious due to "the situation" right.

But there was that one (or two?) Rest periods Cale DID choose by his own will and I assume he follows the same habits for other periods of rest that aren't mentioned as well.

(Mild Novel Spoilers, vauge)

Te one description that stuck so adamantly in my mind was this 6 month period after one of the large wars Cale takes the lead in

(I cant even specify if I wanted to, I only remember the description of the resting habit that followed after cause it was one of the few ever described)

◇ But apparently Cale had slept the majority of his days away. For all 6 months. Easing into the habit, it was described he ate less and less until he only ate a single grape each day. He never locked his doors, but he also never left his room. After a while of sleeping in, he eventually ended staying seated to a rocking chair 24/7 if I remember correctly, one by the window in his room at the Henituse Estate. But it got to a point where even the children nor any of his friends or family could - not that they wanted to use force - but they couldn't pull him away to, yknow- be a living* human being again.

*living as in experiencing life, he's alive but just not active

It was as if he was simply a breathing corpse. His health ofc deteriorated a bit, but he wasn't in pain nor was he suffering. Bc he wouldnt continue if he was.

The vitality ancient power that protects his heart keeps him alive so he just Kept. Sleeping.

...

◇ With all the voices in his head from the powers, and all his proactive handling of matters, and even him not being able to turn off Record - always taking in everything and logging it away in his brain without ever meaning to - it's not a wonder his "rest" is practically him choosing to be comatose.

Esp after everything hes gone through and even everything before that (not going into detail, if u know, u know). Really, its hard to blame him on choosing this method. Its the easiest way to get his brain (which is like a super computer constantly running millions of marathons simultaneously) to shut up and rest.

♤ Which is probably also why the others of his party and everyone who cares for him simply let's him become dormant to such an extent. Because at least its not him fainting on the battlefield after using his powers. Because at least he's not rushing himself around to get something done. Because at least he's home. Because at least he's safe.

Personally, I dont believe that there Wasn't originally some reluctance from his loved ones. Its unheard of to WANT to live like a corpse. But maybe after a while of hearing "yea ill join the dinner table in a moment" or "ill get up and stretch in a second" and Cale pulling himself up to do so (because he keeps his word n never says what he doesn't mean) only to return right to his room after, right to the very spot they tried to get him out of? After a while of that, you simply start to find excuses for that behavior. "Because at least he's not straining himself," "Because at least he's not working," "Be. Cause. At Least Hes Resting..."

♤ They most likely only let him become comatose to rest - even tho he already goes unconscious too many times on-field to even keep count - because its better than any alternative they assume Cale will do otherwise. And perhaps it Is a mix of that and pity thats making them hold their concerns.

---

Ahh I've rambled, but man do I love this guy and his story XD

Anyways its as OP mentions:

"[Sitting on his balcony] His feet hanging, his heart quiet and his gaze fixated on nothingness"

He Does do that. Maybe it is on the balcony or a tree and the story doesn't describe it, but his rest IS just blanking out.

♧ Isn't that pitiful? That the only rest Cale can truely ever get is when he's not awake?

♧ But ofc that doesn't bother him one bit. And no one really wants to tell him not to blank out to the extreme Because how can he rest otherwise? (♤)

... how bittersweet imo

What if Cale had a habit of wandering to high balconies or roof tops and just sitting there whenever he was stressed/sad?

See it this way: Kim Rok Soo had the habit of roaming around destroyed buildings and finding a high spot and just sitting there? Perhaps he liked seeing the horizon. Or maybe he wanted to see how far the destroyed area stretched to. Or maybe he thought of it as his responsibility to look out for anyone injured, who may still be looking for help. Either way, it brought him peace, some sort of serenity and quietness.

So anyways, as Cale, after the conflicts with White Star started, his habit involuntarily reappeared. He would frequently go on roof tops, sometimes a tall tree or just sit upon the balustrade of his balcony. His feet hanging, his heart quiet and his gaze fixated on nothingness.

And now imagine someone, maybe Raon or Ron, catching him sitting on the edge of the balcony with a blank face. Then the panic, the chaos, and maybe Cale lost his footing because of the startling shout, and he fell down before balancing himself mid-air thanks to the wind ap.

Now imagine him trying to explain that it was just on a whim, that he has no intentions of hurting himself, but the children keep on sobbing and his family hang their heads down with despairing eyes, and now Cale feels helpless.

And maybe he feels a pang of guilt, because sometimes, just sometimes, he had a fleeting thought, a nonsensical urge to jump off, not to hurt himself, like he hated pain more than anything, and of course, living was the best, but there was the curiosity to see how it would feel, first the amazement, then the numbness, and finally the quietness of his Records.

It's only a thought, he convinced himself. But that didn't stop his habit, the worrying gazes of his family and their watchful eyes on Cale, and the relentless explanations that would follow, with Cale always failing to convince them that he is fine.

[bellysoupset]

SOUP!!!!!!!

oh my goodness this halloween saga is INSANEEEE AND I LOVE IT SO SO SO MUCH AGHHHH😭 i’ve had one of the worst weeks ever and i seriously think that reading this saga was one of the main reasons i made it thru LMAOooo

PLS THE ANGST WAS SPECTACULAR I CANT EVEN EXPLAIN TO YOU HOW MUCH I LOVED THESE FICS. everything with vin and luke was fucking adorable I LOVE THESE BOYS and their friendship so freaking much <3 then bella with jon RAH CHEFS KISS BC??? i LOVE that she was all calm and nonchalant and caring but also super chill about it while jon was kinda dying on the inside bc he wasnt being a “gentleman”, but at the same they both stayed playful and silly <333 and THEN MY BABY GIRL MY QUEEN GETTING ROOFIED????????? EXCUSE YOU BC HOW THE HECK DID YOU MANAGE TO EXCEED MY EXPECTATIONS????? like i really cannot tell you how excited i was about this and i wasnt sure how you were gonna approach the whole getting roofied thing but i fully trusted that you’d deliver the angst, AND oh my DID YOU‼️‼️‼️‼️

leo being so protective and worried about her???? both him and bella getting ARRESTED protecting her??????? AND JON’S PANIC GOSHHHHH IT WAS EVERYTHING IVE EVER WANTED TO READ‼️‼️‼️ the lack of sympathy sickness with someone other than leo??????? THE REASSURANCE WHEN SHE WAKES UP AND THE HURT AND HELPLESSNESS WHEN SHES SO OUT OF IT AND HE CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT????? THE WORRY AT THE HOSPITAL AND OMFG MY BABY VIN ALL PANICKED AND WORRIED AND BLAMING HIMSELF I CANT BREATHEEEEE 😭😭 and the arrest not being enough for him OOF I CANT DO THIS OMG THIS WAS SO FUCKING GOOD I LOVE YOUR OCs SO FUCKING MUCH SOUP😭😭😭😭😭

AND THE BELLA FIC HOLY MOLYYYYYYY😩😩😩 when i thought it couldnt get better and/or more angsty IT FUCKING DID and i enjoyed every minute of it AHHHHH🫶🏽 leo all worried and side eyeing her as he noticed something wasnt right and then giving her his jacket 😭😭😭 and then the whole conversation with luke where shes so out of it and OH MY GOODNESS WHEN SHE SPEAKS SPANISH WITHOUT REALISING IT‼️‼️‼️ THE WAY YOU INCORPORATED THAT WAS SO REALISTIC AND INSANE AND AMAZING AND TERRIFYING AND THEN SHE JUST PASSES OUT?????? HELLO I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO MY GIRL AHHHH THIS WHOLE SAGA WAS CRAZY GOOD IM OBSESSED.

for real thank you so much for writing this and thus making my shitty week a lot less shitty❤️‍🩹 bc i swear that reading these restored the very much needed happy chemicals in my brain when nothing else could 😭🫶🏽

side note the whole ✨unknowingly speaking spanish✨ situation is so insane and important to me bc, as an international college student in the U.S. who plays a contact sport where it’s common to get concussions, this is LITERALLY ONE OF MY BIGGEST FEARS and OMFG you described the panic and confusion and fear (and just this whole situation im terrified of) SO fucking well AGHHHHH i know i say it all the time but YOU’RE SO FREAKING TALENTED DUDE PLS NEVER STOP WRITING 😩🫶🏽

- 🦦

Otter!! Hi!!

I adore your wall of texts sooo much!

I'm so sorry you had a crappy week Otter 🥺 I hope it's better now or at least that it's gonna start looking up soon!

It's funny you mentioned the unknowingly speaking spanish thing, because I do that all the damn time. English is not my first language but daily I find myself switching to english and then just being?? So confused when the people around me are not understanding.

End of the day, don't freak out if that does happen to you. Gestures is an universal language. You've got my whole heart as another bilingual person in the interwebs.