#AHAHHAHAHAHAH THAT DOG

[sad-boy-hank]

𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤 𝐚𝐦 𝐢?

AHAHHAHAHAHAH READER WHY U SO FUCKIN SHORT

irl! madlads x grunt! reader

take a shot everytime reader squeaks

@shyflameweasel spspsppspspsps

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“This is fine, this is good, everything is normal, nothing is out of the ordinary.”

It wasn’t fine, good, or normal, and it most certainly was out of the ordinary.

God, why didn’t you just get in the car with your friends? Oh, that’s right. “Cause I said, ‘oh, don’t worry about me, I know exactly where I’m going!’” You huffed, frustrated and nervous. “Yeah right.”

The puddles made your sneakers squelch, a very uncomfortable feeling especially since you weren’t sure if it was even water you were stepping in. You flinched as you picked up the sounds of squeaking, terrified that it might be an agent sent to kill you.

You shook your head and patted your face Alright, calm down. I’m not that important. But, then again, it’s not like it was a rat.

Importations of those things were illegal, right?

You let out a loud squeak, sounding like a dog toy if a dog toy could get surprised. Oh god, something just ran over my foot, oh god. Terrified at the slim chance that it was a rat, you dove to the side, pressing yourself against a brick wall. Brick? Where the hell am I? Whatever turns you took were way wrong because this was not Nevada.

Taking small, shallow breaths, you decided to actually look around (which for some reason you hadn’t done in an hour).

This was an alleyway. Okay. We got that down.

You glanced to your left and right. A bin with a door next to it on the right. How did I not see that? With cautious fright, you padded towards the strangely massive door. Who the hell lives here? You paused before the door. You’d asked yourself a good question: Who lived behind this door? Was it dangerous? Could- would it kill you?

You turned around hastily, trying to find a weapon. Aha! A convieniently-placed metal pipe. Perfect. Grabbing it and swiveling it around in your fists, you let out a sigh. Please be empty. Please be empty. Breathing deeply, you tried to hype yourself up. “Okay, one, two, THREE!” With a yell, you threw yourself against the door, squeaking as it hardly moved and the pipe you were holding clattered to the ground.

“HEY! WHO’S OUT THERE?”

Ah, shit.

Okay, okay, quick, where do you hide? Fuck, the bin’s too tall! Maybe if I-

You let out a loud and frightened SQUEAK As a hand grabbed you by the middle. “What kinda fuckin’ cat-- HANK! GET OVER HERE I FOUND SOMETHING FUCKED-UP!”

Panicking, you only just noticed the silhouette of the thing holding you as your brain went into attack mode. Arms. As fucked-up as it was for anything to have those, you could bite ‘em.

The person holding you shrieked as your face split in two to chomp down on its arm, shaking it violently in a futile attempt to get you the fuck away. “HANK HURRY UP!”

You let go as soon as you heard pounding footsteps clanking against the floor, and raced towards the huge door (which, thankfully, was still open) only to squeal as you were picked up yet again, this time by the scruff. Instinctively, you went limp, letting your jaw go slack and allowing your hands to swing beside you. Please don’t kill me, please don’t kill me, please don’t kill me.

You tried in vain to tense your muscles, unable to with a hand pinching your scruff. Terror filled you as you felt hot breath grazing the side of your face. “Huh. This is fucked-up,” a gruff voice rumbled. You screamed as it shook you. Is this motherfucker toying around? “So, it’s alive.”

“OW!” You shrieked, your back hitting the ground hard, a massive pain spreading across your body. You curled into yourself when you heard something chuckle.

“Jesus, what’s up with its hands?”

THERE’S THREE OF THEM? You jerked your hand back when you felt a warm hand touch it and scooted back, hissing. “G-get the FUCK away from me! EEP-”

For the third fucking time strong hands grabbed you and lifted you up, causing you to flail wildly. “You talk?” There’s the first voice.

Beating its arms with your comparatively tiny fists, you started crying. “LET ME FUCKING GO!” You squealed, angry and scared. “WHAT THE HELL DO YOU FREAKS WANT?”

You yelped as you were grabbed by ANOTHER motherfucking hand and started quaking, tears brimming at the corners of your facial cross. “D’aww, you’re so tiny!”

Is this bitch trying to baby you? “I- I’M 27!” You shouted, now a bit more pissed than frightened. “Put me the fuck down!”

You snapped your head around at the sound of a huff. “You heard the lil’ dude. Set ‘em down.”

The person holding you frowned, disappointed that they couldn’t hold you longer. “FINE, Sanford.” They gently placed you down on the cold, concrete floor. You couldn’t really shoot a proper “thank you” (your head was spinning), so you just held out your hand in an exhausted, grateful gesture.

The owner of the first voice (maybe it was Sanford?) crouched down and grabbed your hand with a smile, but recoiled instantly with a worried expression when you shrieked. “WHAT are you doing?” you squealed.

“Th- that’s what people do when they wanna shake hands,” the man (yeah, probaby Sanford) explained, confused at your reaction.

The midpoint of your facial cross scrunched up. “Huh? No, I’m saying thank you! It’s basic sign language!”

A hand was placed on your shoulder, making you squeak. “That’s not sign language for ‘thank you’.” Ah, that was the dude with the rough voice. You turned to face him shakily, watching with frightened curiosity as he gently placed his hand on his chin, then straightened his arm to move it away. “That’s sign language for thank you.”

Your face kept its confused expression as you looked down at your shoes. For a moment, you stood and tried to regain your composure. “W… where the hell am I, anyway?”

[sillisko]

I got tagged by @flowerylogic

Name: karo Nickname: oh myg odfo Gender: bich Star sign: aquaiurssr Height: about The Not Tall one Sexual orientation: pal i like everyone equally much. (that is a lie. girls are like This much better. )

Hogwarts house: huflepuff BITCH Favourite colour: the fuckign green Favourite colour to paint the walls: the windows bluescreen. i am Fully kidding. white. white as in the hospital white. the white that makes you uncomfortable. that one. yeah Favourite colour of lipstick: idc just kiss me Favourite animal: kissa ja marsut on jee

Time right now: 0:23 ohhhh Cat or dog person: cat Favourite fictional character: gabe Number of blankets I sleep with: one Favourite singer/band: necke menaj and the finnish Dingo

Dream trip: wherever Dream job: the one where i get the sugardaddy and i dont have to work When was this blog created: BITHC HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO REMEMEBR When did your blog reach its peak: oh my fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What made you decide to make a tumblr: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUC Why did you pick your url: oh hey i have an actual real legit dead serious answer: my prev url was sillilisko and i got so tired of writing “illili” so i took one “li” away. isnt that great! fantastic, wonderful story! fulfilling! truly great

Last movie you watched: moana Last song you listened to: iiit waaaas liiiike thiiis aariannn...a grandes smth? Last book you read: ahahhahahahah good one  Last thing you ate: a MARABOUS XL COOKIE DELICIOUSSSSSSSSSs If you could be anywhere right now, where would you be: in the fuckein future babe What time would you travel to: the future, babe Fictional character you would hang out with for a day: i thought like for a good ten mins and then my mind went to reeyes and im chokign

I’m tagging @suklaasiili @lattekahvi @zhalar @majmu @flock-o-fennecs thats everyone that tumbl kindly suggested me to tag so Off You Go lil’ ones, make mama proud and fill this Great great meem. 

thanks renata for tagging

[sadlykpopobsessed]

...hi

Today is your birthday and you know the score

Asian men and poetry is what I’m aiming for

so here is my present for you to enjoy

beware, your ovaries it may dibidibidestroy

call up the bartender to bring us a round

then we can drink ourselves into the ground

but in a punchbowl of feels I fear we may drown

unless we step back and ...

the ocean between is far and wide

a distance the PNXP cannot abide

My soul for an oven I would forsake

if only to be able to bake you this cake

Though times are all hectic and shitty and dire

there are plenty of things in this life to admire

whenever I think of this oiled up fella

I want to go sing Y Si Fuera Ella

(hey. fucking. ya.)

So, may you be merry and glad for today

I hope this didn't come across as cliche

if you feel the worth of this present was low

Fuck it, I got you a big booty hoe.

HAPPPPPPY BIRTTTHHDDAYYY, A. 

-T