#AFTER he and bruce had already voted on whether diana should be in the JL??

[shoot-i-messed-up]

I’m a “Clark has zero qualms about eavesdropping or gossiping” truther

[superbat-lmao]

That episode of House MD where he rigs secret santa so everyone gets House as their secret santa but it’s the watchtower.

Bruce knows that his teammates find him intimidating and sometimes uses it to amuse himself. After all, Superman would probably be grateful for any kind of gift, but Batman was notoriously private and hard to impress.

JL Meeting

Batman: And I’m scheduling everyone for remedial drills next week.

Green Lantern: You Scrooge, not next week. There is no formal League business around holidays.

Batman: Barring-

Flash: Emergencies but remedial training isn’t an emergency! Can’t it wait till after the New Year?

Green Arrow: I still think we should do a Secret Santa.

Flash: I agree! It would add to the festiveness!

Batman: Hnn.

Superman: It would help build team moral.

Batman: Hnn.

Wonder Woman: It would be an interesting challenge in both financial limitation and personal knowledge of each other.

Batman: Hnn.

Superman: I say we vote on it. All in favor?

Only Batman and Aquaman don’t raise their hands.

Batman takes charge, getting together slips of paper and a “stocking” (one of Superman’s boots) and everyone draws.

Some people (Clark and Diana) look pleased while others (Hal and Barry) look nervous while others remain impassive. The only one who can hear him laughing in J’onn who privately knocked against his consciousness like a door asking permission to convey information. Bruce let him in on the plan and he agreed to keep his knowledge to himself.

Bruce keeps this information to himself until J’onn asks what will happen if their teammates figure it out. If he really thinks they are too obtuse to put it together.

Batman: Not at all. They will have to verify it with everyone first, but I assume they will figure it out.

Martian Manhunter: And you do not think they will be angry?

Batman: It is against the rules to talk about who you drew. If they tell me about it, they admit to violating the rules.

Martian Manhunter: You already violated the rules by only putting down your name.

Batman: Yes, but I don’t feel guilty about that. They will be uncertain about whether or not this is a test of some sort. They admit failure by telling me and risk forfeiting the game.

Martian Manhunter: This is a test?

Batman: Of course. If they all came forward about discussing their selections and admitting they knew what I had done, they would be standing up to my flagrant violation of the rules. However, that carries with it the implicit judgement that I did so for personal gain, which is an insult, or as a test, which they aren’t sure how to pass. It is unlikely they will admit this to me due to my reputation for being intimidating.

Batman: However, instead they will likely argue over what to do with the information, resulting in proceeding as though they did not break the rules. Not knowing if they passed the test will eat at them and they will be anxious to see my reaction, to know if they passed.

Martian Manhunter: Will you also be getting yourself a present? Since you drew your own name?

Batman: This is my gift.

On the day of the exchange, Bruce finds a variety of gifts stacked outside the doors to his room at the watchtower. He tsks to himself, already scanning the contents of the gifts from a distance. Do they think him a fool who will be lured into a trap?

After disabling a few recording cameras and a glitter bomb, he carries everything inside his room.

He checks his watch and goes to the meeting he had scheduled for today.

When everyone arrives, they find red files sitting in front of them. The kind Batman uses to highlight errors during training exercises and missions. Each folder is thick with paper, several members pale at the sight of them.

Batman: It has come to my attention that you have discovered my tampering with Secret Santa. In front of you are notes on your actions and responses that we will be going over in this meeting.

Green Lantern: Did you really have to do this? All we wanted was some holiday fun. You don’t have to ruin every chance at human connection, you robot.

Batman: Lantern, please open your folder. You just volunteered to go first.

Hal does indeed open his folder, along with everyone else, anxious to see how they did. However, instead of the League report forms they are used to, their folders contain something else entirely.

Batman: You will find paperwork that requires your signatures. Each is for a charity of your choosing to be donated to from the Wayne foundation.

Batman: The second set of paperwork is the establishment of funding for “team retreats” also at the expense of the Wayne foundation.

Batman: Finally, after you have turned in your paperwork to me, please return to your rooms before going home for the holidays.

Justice League: *speechless*