#AFTER HIS BROTHER ALREADY COMMITTED SUICIDE

[scoobydoodean]

We’re told throughout 7.08 that Dean is hyper-focused on Sam’s well-being, while it’s suggested by those around him that Dean just needs to be needed. The thing is, Dean may be nervous about his brother who hallucinates satan going off alone, and worrying Sam's trip into the woods is possibly out of character, but Dean clearly doesn't think it's out of character enough to try and stop Sam from going on a solo camping trip. Instead, Dean's out at a strip club, venting to a waitress to avoid burdening Sam with his concerns or being overbearing.

I don't think the waitress is wrong that there's something personal going on with Dean, but I don't actually think Dean is unwilling to face himself. I think he knows exactly what's wrong with him. He is depressed and suicidal. He told Bobby this weeks ago in 7.02. In 7.09, Dean's going to express a very cynical outlook on the job and the hopelessness of trying to save the world (and we've already seen this in 7.01 and 7.04) and say that the world is determined to end itself so there's really no point in trying even though he's still going through the motions. He is having trouble trusting anyone or anything since Cas and is grieving Cas (7.07). He's weighted down by immense guilt that is overwhelmingly undeserved (7.04). He has expressed all of this out loud at one point or another over the course of season 7, but all he's left with afterward is a reminder of all the burdens in his hands. There's no one standing there saying "what if I take a little of that weight?" He's mostly told to suck it up, given empty promises of support that never materialize after he opens up, and told he's being paranoid when his issues come out as concern for Sam's well-being (6.06, 7.03, 7.07). Even in this episode when Sam gets Vegas married (already completely out of character) to someone who has sexually harassed him in the past, the story Garth gets about Dean from Bobby is that Dean might be "surly and premenstrual" working with him.

The thing is, Sam and Bobby offer for Dean to open up (Bobby in 7.01 and 7.09, Sam in 7.04) but their responses to him opening up are just... well. A worthless waste of time, and there's a nonzero risk that he gets mocked. It happens in 7.09 too when Dean's despair is once again revealed:

DEAN: I think that if we didn't take [the world's] belt and all its pens away each year that, yeah, the whole enchilada woulda offed itself already. BOBBY: Stop trying to wrestle with the big picture, son. You're gonna hurt your head.

Bobby knows Dean isn't stupid, but he treats him like a bimbo for thinking cynical thoughts, resulting in Dean (who is already routinely called stupid over the course of the series as a result of classist stereotyping) completely shutting down, stepping away from research to go lay on the couch with a beer, because obviously, he's too stupid to contribute. Later, Bobby addresses Dean's suicidality directly instead of flippantly, but only to tell him he isn't a person and to suck it up.

Back to 7.08 "Time For A Wedding" though: I think Sam going off alone on a solo camping trip into the woods is probably triggering to Dean as well, because while solo mental health nature hikes certainly aren't unheard of, suicide under the guise of a solo nature hike is also not unheard of. Dean is suicidal and one of the only things keeping Dean around right now is the belief that it is his responsibility to ensure Sam doesn't commit suicide (Sam nearly killed himself in 7.02).

We also have Sam's flippant dismissals of Dean's reasonable concerns about his sudden interest in Becky. Obviously Sam is trapped under a love spell, so he's likely magically incapable of questioning a single thing about his love for Becky. But we have the "paranoid" accusation when Dean suggests Becky might have done something to Sam:

Then Sam turns down the same path that the waitress probably was at the beginning of the episode, accusing Dean of being... jealous that Sam has someone?

Dean isn't jealous of Sam having a relationship, ffs. Becky is just an incomprehensible marital partner for Sam and Sam is not the kind of person to get married in Vegas. But as was more generally the case in season 6, Dean is treated here in 7.08 by everyone around him as if he's paranoid, being a girl, etc. But how does it also feel to Dean to know that Sam thinks of him that way? That his concerns can be boiled down to and misrepresented into being needy?

Of course, Sam does apologize at the end of the episode when he's himself again:

SAM: Look, man, uh... When I was all dosed up, I-I said some crap. DEAN: Oh, you mean, she – she wasn't your soulmate? SAM: Shut up. I mean, I do need you watching my back. Obviously. DEAN: Yeah, when, uh, crazy groupies attack. SAM: You know what I mean. DEAN: You know, I got to say, man... For a whack-job, you really pulled it together. SAM: That's the nicest thing anyone's said to me. Look, don't be too impressed, man. It's still a Denver scramble up here. I just know my way around the plate now.

Sam focuses on still needing Dean, believing that Dean needs to hear he's needed... but I'm not actually sure that's what Dean needs to hear. Dean also dismisses the idea that Sam really needs his guidance:

DEAN: I'm just saying. It's stupid to think that you need me around all the time. You're a grown-up. SAM: Right. DEAN: You're a hike-in-the-desert, hippie-douche grown-up. SAM: Dude, I was camping. You camp. DEAN: Yeah, whatever. Hippie.

And then Sam is right back to the idea of Dean "needing" him, but only to say that if Sam is okay, then Dean has more time to focus on his own well-being. Which is a nice thought I guess:

SAM: You know what, though? Seriously? It might be nice. DEAN: What? SAM: I mean, you basically have been looking out for me your whole life. Now you finally get to take care of yourself. About time, huh? DEAN: Yeah. Right.

Dean looks uneasy there at the end. Some of it is probably lingering worry about Sam and the other shoe dropping because Dean's pretty caught up in despair about the state of the world. But another part of it is that Dean doesn't need space to take care of himself by himself. He needs support, and Sam doesn't really understand how (or even to) offer that. Sam's idea of self-care (notably for himself as well as illustrated by his solo camping trip) is being alone for a while to refocus. What Dean could really use right now (as illustrated by his own choice to go out and share his troubles with a stranger) is family support. But Sam's response here shows that while he can recognize (as he has over the last several episodes) that Dean is not okay, he has zero concept of how to support him, and neither does Bobby. So all Dean has to keep him going is duty to the world and his family as a reason not to die, and Sam is saying, "Don't worry about me”.

ETA: It’s also worth noting here that this Vegas trip wasn’t originally a case. It was a week long vacation the brothers take every year. And Dean probably saw it as an opportunity to spend quality time with his brother. But Sam spent four days of it solo camping. Dean accepts Sam wants to be alone and spends their entire vacation by himself (since the rest gets eaten up by a case). Completely different personal mental health needs lead Sam to completely miss how Dean might actually want to be supported (likely thinking Dean would also find alone time peaceful and relieving) and Dean is too used to putting Sam’s needs first to say anything (and is probably worried he’d receive/deserve ridicule for communicating it anyway because of the way he is often treated for opening up).

[llycaons]

'poor heroic tragic saint jiang cheng' is actually my favorite jc misinterpretation it is just so fucking funny. I'll watch the man advocate to abandon a group of political prisoners to mass murder, constantly yell about his issues, threaten his nephew and everyone else around him, and abuse his power to intentionally trigger his traumatized brother bc he's mad at him and I go online and see posts about how he's so strong and noble and a great parent/leader despite suffering so much. LIKE

[grimdarling69]

Another de aged Dan and Ellie story or otherwise known as Crack

Pt 1 Pt2

If only Clark hadn't been busy tracking Luthor, he would have been able to save his nephew, his sons best friend.

Once again, Lex Luthor has sabotaged him. He didn't even need kryptonite to do it this time. After Lexs mental breakdown, he had apparently gone off the grid, and unsurprisingly, he wasn't able to hear anything from him. According to the snippets from Lexs staff he had apparently refused to answer to his name, started to hate it, and called his board a " bunch of idiotic bimbos who only appear to work so they could buy expensive cars and whores".

It's definitely a mental breakdown or a possession. Lex doing something to damage his image? Unheard of. Possession didn't seem likely. What kind of person posseses a ceo just to insult his board and completely change their personality? They'd be immediately noticed.

He had been investigating Lex's disappearance for the past month and a half and had only succeeded in not being around to stop his nephew from committing suicide.

Bruce had called out for him, but being halfway across the world he couldn't make it in time, and consequently Damian made it over the bridge and he had been searching for his body for the past 3 hours and he still couldn't find him.

He had never seen Dick so shaken before. Jason had barely been able to stop him from following his brother over the bridge. After he arrived on the scene, Jason started to take his brother home.

"Find his body." He had told him before turning and wrangling Dick onto his own bike

"Stop, Jay. I have to find him. Please... Uncle Clark, please. You have to bring him home. I have to... " He could hear Dick plead with them the whole way back to the cave.

He could only bring their bikes home.

They had now all retired to the cave. He was ignoring Alfred calling Steph and Cass in the other room. Ignoring their desperate denials and begging to be told it was just a cruel prank. Ignoring Dick's full body sobs into Jason's arms, shaking them both. Ignoring Bruce's absent look and ignoring how similar Bruce and Jason's grief was.

Tim, luckily, hadn't broken his leg like what they originally had thought, only popped his knee out at such an angle it looked like it. Alfred had already reset it and listed his usual recovery despite Tim not even pretending to listen to it this time. Duke had already helped him upstairs, eyes red and swollen.

Finally the the tense silence came to an end.

"Did you find anything?" Bruce, one of his oldest and closest friends, asked, his voice calm and steady, his heart unwavering as ever but he knew better.

"I'm sorry."

"Search again."

Just as he was about to fly out again, the elevator opened.

"I found this in Damian's room." Tim hurriedly spoke he was already rushing past him on his crutches to the evidence processing, not even explaining what "this" even is.

"Tim. Explain." Bruce rushing and limped past him following quickly.

Like father, like son.

"What is it?" He turned to look at Dick, he had tear stains but his eyes were dryer his mouth was set in a firm line but he was leaning heavily on his younger brother.

"Tim found something." He responded quietly, and he continued on following his friend.

They sat silently together while Tim and Bruce worked together without speaking like a well-oiled machine firm in it's objective.

He'd say Jason was as still as a corpse with his eyes glazed over unseeing, but that observation was far from appropriate,considering everything.

99% Match found. Partial fingerprints detected unknown. The computer had finally accounted after 15 minutes of silence.

He and Jason waited for Bruce and Tim to tell them instead of jumping like Dick did to get the first look. He doubted Jason could get up, Jason was strong so strong, but he was still so young.

They all were.

Especially Damian, despite all his headstrong confidence and borderline arrogance, he will still only fourteen.

Only fourteen years old and dead by suicide.

He still needed to tell Jon he was buying time by the well-timed expedition of him and Kon already off planet and galaxy on whatever Kon called "brotherly bonding with a little bit of interplanetary fighting and toppling monarchies splashed in and maybe we'll catch a movie on the way home" they had joined some green lanterns to help rescue some new green lanterns who got in between a revolution on accident. He remembers researching for days before letting Jon go, but even just the name of the planet now escapes him.

It all seemed so trivial now.

He had seen what became of Dick and Bruce when Jason had died when Dick had been off-planet, and Bruce hadn't reached out to tell him. He just hoped Jon could forgive him.

"Clark. Where is Lex Luthor." Bruce demanded turning to finally look him in the eyes.

"I'm not sure. Lex went underground a month and half ago. Why? What does he have to do with this?" Clark asked carefully. He had to be careful not to set Bruce off.

" AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TELLING ME? Bruce's voice rose exponentially.

Too late, he couldn't help but think.

"His fingerprints are all over this goddamn envelope. Whatever was inside made Damian kill himself, and you're asking what does it matter!"

"How do we know?" Dick spoke softly, his eyes still glued to the results.

Everybody turned at the same time. Jason's head snapping so fast he winced.

"Know... Know what?" Tim asks him just as softly.

" How do we know Damian is.. is dead?" He spoke again, looking up to glance at them all.

" I know Damian. He's my.. my...He wouldn't just kill himself. He couldn't have. He showed no signs of ever even contemplating it. Not even... Damian would have told me.. Would have trusted me to help him. Lex must have taken him or.. or somehow lured him away." Dick spoke hurriedly or desperate but still completely convinced.

"Chum.."

"FUCK!" Jason exclaimed standing up and kicking his chair sending into the wall hard enough to crack the plastic. His hands shook like they were itching to wrap around someone's throat. They twitched and he ran his hands through his hair, his eyes were greener than ever and glowed so strong there seemed to be a small headlight in front of him almost.

"He could be out there being tortured or worse! And we are just sitting here twiddling our thumbs like FUCKING BABIES!" His voice grew louder and louder until he was screaming into their faces.

"Jaylad-" Bruce started just by hearing that name he knew whatever Bruce was going to say was going to be the complete wrong thing.

"We are going to find him. No matter what it takes. I never gave up on Bruce, and i can't give up in my baby brother either." Tim spoke up, his voice unwavering his heartbeat never stuttering, not even once.

He risked a glance at Bruce. His old friends face was softer, looking at his sons, but his frown was determined, and he tilted his head in the way he always did when he wasn't going to give up.

They were going to bring him home. They just had too.

---------

Crack

Boy, was Damian glad about this storm. He quickly realized that he couldn't use more than one of his powers at one time. He was able to make it to the coordinates of the apparent luxurious island Vlad was hiding out on.

He was expecting actual underground, not just some shell company bought island decked in lead and man-made waterfall galore.

He was absolutely soaking wet and shivering by the time he crashed onto the island. The storm just kept on thundering down on him, plastering his clothes and hair to his face in clumps. He better not get sick from this.

Cold fog escaped his throat, and he shivered even more.

"Daniel! Is that really you?" Lex fucking Luthor called out after he'd been laying exhausted and chilled to the bone in the grimy muddy sand for a few minutes.

"Hey, fruitloop." Was the first and last thing that he said before promptly passing out.

[eternal-moss]

Christ, the whole Wilbur situation is so fucked. Already the things that are coming out of the woodworks so quickly are so sad.

tw for abuse and misogyny. If you aren’t aware of this yet, Wilbur Soot has been revealed as a prolific abuser

My heart breaks for all the people he’s harmed. I think Shelby was really intelligent in the way that she’s brought this to attention, without naming him. This meant that even though some people denied it or lashed back at her, the repercussions were minimised.

Wilbur responding proved it was him she was talking about, although the details she provided made it so patently clear it was him from the start, it made it so that he had to admit he was the one who had been committing essentially serial abuse on young women by the nature of him responding to the description of the unnamed abuser, although he didn’t mention that it was *multiple women* in his absolutely pathetic excuse of an ‘apology’.

I’ve been thinking about this deeply from pretty much directly the moment after Shubble revealed it really. I’m not going to pretend that I’ve ever watched any of Shubble’s stuff, and I’ve not watched streamers for a couple of years now, but the courage she had to do this is fucking immense. Wilbur is very well off financially with a massive and loyal fanbase, the influence he has is very large and not to be underestimated. His ‘apology’ reeks of PR pressure, although it fails to meet the mark on all levels of even a basic apology (which is not even the bare minimum in this situation) and omits some very important details.

It’s so sad that abuse and grooming is so common amongst streamers/YouTubers, but the response to this time (from the community) being genuine support instead of victim blaming does make me feel hopeful. Wilbur’s condescension of women and younger ccs is absolutely disgusting. This recontextualises so many moments when he’s been dismissive of and made jokes at women’s expense. What he’s done is abuse and it’s misogyny. He’s picked on people he knows are less able to fight back from all parameters. Misogyny is massive in the gaming scene, and he’s relied on all these women (it really is a lot at this rate, even an ex-trumpeter from Lovejoy) staying silent out of fear.

Shubble saying keeping their silence protected him more than it protected her is very true, and this will absolutely wreck his reputation. Rather, he’s fucked it up himself, and there really is no one else to blame in this situation. The people who knew about it and were subject to this were typically smaller, younger or female streamers. It’s disgusting that he had relied on their silence for so long.

This is a bit of a mess, but ngl so am I. It’s been eating at me for as long as it’s been going on, I found out almost immediately. I was quite a big Wilbur fan for a damn long time, since his early days of streaming (when skyblock randomiser was made etc). I was emotionally invested in his original music and looked up to him a lot.

The worst thing I think is that I resonated with his online interactions with Tommy (which makes me feel vile), and his adoration of Wilbur, always calling him ‘like a big brother’, and it fondly reminded me of me and my younger sibling. Except Wilbur would sometimes do some unexpectedly cruel things. Like stomping on Tommy’s hand and causing it to bleed. That alarmed me at the time, also when he revealed that he was relying on Tommy to talk him out of suicide, which really made me concerned about how healthy their relationship was. The worst thing is, this didn’t surprise me that much at all when it was revealed. Shelby’s descriptions could fit no other person, and it made sense and lined up with his past behaviour, but that doesn’t make it any less wholly awful and horrific.

I wasn’t going to talk about it on this blog, but I just feel angry. Angry for all these people he’s hurt. Angry that he’ll still be living comfortably off of his fanbase for years to come, young people who trusted and idolised him, the vast majority young girls themselves. Angry for Shubble, angry for Niki, angry for the women’s names we don’t know yet, angry for those who had been intimidated into silence. Angry for those who had been abused and brutalised by him. The main thing that’s coming up again and again is the biting, the bruising, the physical abuse, the way they were scared into saying anything, left traumatised by the way they’d been treated. As if that could be brushed off in any way by some disgustingly shallow and self-centred attempt at self preservation of his reputation. Fuck off.

Like Aimsey said, this isn’t some light cancellation from Twitter, these are reprehensible serial misogynistic crimes, and it’s only been days since the initial reveal and hours since his response and the influx of victims speaking up. My heart breaks to know how much more is going to be unearthed.

So yeah this is basically it, I treat this blog mainly as an archive for fan creations of things I like, but also as a collection of my thoughts. I have been unable to stop thinking about this, and I know that I’ve barely talked about mcyt on here, but I was heavily into dsmp and streamers for a long time. Shubble is insanely bloody brave for doing this, I wish them all the best (and the other victims) in recovering from his behaviour, as well as applauding her for the sheer fucking bravery to make the decision to speak up.

***I’ve seen some people saying Shubble uses they/them pronouns, but most people I’ve seen refer to her with she/her. If I find out she doesn’t use she/her I’ll change this post < Shelby uses she/they

[darkmatilda]

╰┈➤ the pumpkin reaper

epilogue

previous parts:

1 2 3

in which you and reid are visiting your brother in hospital after he tried to commit a suicide

tw: mention of a suicide attempt

contents: spender reidxfem!bau!reader, it's an epilogue, please check the previous parts if you missed them!

words: 3.1k

You couldn’t believe those words came out of your mouth, but they did. And what’s more, they were sincere.

It was late in the evening when you were heading back to the office in Quantico. No case ever ended with just catching the unsub – after that came the long hours of report writing and paperwork. After everything you’d been through, the team almost forbade you from taking on that task. Instead, they insisted that you go straight home and get some proper rest.

You rolled your eyes and nodded, like a child whose mother insists they zip up their jacket. Hotch was nowhere to be seen, Morgan was listening to music with his eyes closed, Emily and JJ were absorbed in their conversation, and Rossi… well, Rossi was doing whatever it is Rossi does. So, you reached for the case files and tucked yourself away in a quiet corner of the jet. You wanted to go over everything again, even though you knew that as soon as you saw Logan's photo, all the unpleasant memories would come rushing back with relentless force.

 But before you could open the folder to the first page, someone simply took it from your hands. You looked up to see none other than Reid—blue shirt, sleeves rolled halfway up, a look of perpetual sleeplessness, his usual worry, and… joy. Small, but noticeable.

You, too, were almost disturbingly happy. Escaping death filled you with a mood akin to the high after smoking two joints back-to-back. Of course, it would only last for a brief moment; by tomorrow, you’d likely be tossing and turning in bed, plagued by nightmares. A familiar pattern.

"I don’t even want to see you trying to work right now," Spencer said, taking a seat next to you and placing the folder beside him, just out of your reach. Or at least far enough that you’d have to put in some serious effort to grab it—and your sore ribs had no intention of letting you do that.

"Then what do you suggest I do?" you asked, rolling your eyes. "I don't want to sleep."

"Kafka on the Shore?" he suggested.

"I've already read it. By the way, what was the deal with the soldiers and the hut in the woods at the very end?"

"Well, that's an element that leaves a lot of room for personal interpretation."

"Thanks for the explanation, that told me a lot," you chuckled. You pulled your knees to your chest, trying to get more comfortable in your spot, but the movement triggered a wave of pain. You hissed.

“They should have kept you in the hospital for at least one night,” Reid said, suddenly straightening up. “Do you need anything? There might be some ice around… or I could just leave, and you could lie down…”

“No. You’re staying,” you decided firmly. He raised an eyebrow at your abrupt response. You quickly followed up with an explanation. “Well, I’ve finished reading my book, and you took my files. So now you’re responsible for my potential boredom. It’s your duty to entertain me.”

“Yeah” he agreed with a smirk “It’s my duty” 

"So, how do you plan to do that? Are you going to dance? Sing? Juggle?"

"I can't dance or sing, and I don't have anything to juggle. Is it enough if we just talk? Or is that too common of an entertainment for you?"

You pretended to think for a moment.

"Fine, I guess."

"Then what are you planning to do when you get back?"

"Visit Jeremy."

"Oh, right, sorry…”

"Come on," you interrupted, waving your hand. A moment of silence followed as you hesitated before speaking again. However, you remembered that you had decided to stop staying silent about your worries and problems, at least in his presence. "It's just... it really stresses me out. I don't know how I should talk to him, I'm afraid I'll panic when I see him..."

Spencer cleared his throat before answering. 

“That... can really be tough,” he said, not bothering to lie or reassure you that everything would go perfectly. “But hey, remember that he’s probably looking forward to seeing his big sister. Even if you start talking about something you think is silly, he’ll be happy just to have you there.”

He made you smile, though the corners of your eyes began to gently dampen. You wiped them discreetly, not wanting to burst into tears on the jet.

"I hope you're right. And I hope he doesn't hate me for not being there for him..."

You stopped, feeling him take your hand. You realized you had been clenching it into a fist for quite some time.

"I don't know Jeremy, so I can only guess how he'll react. But I'm sure of one thing—he definitely doesn't hate you."

For a long time, you simply stared at your hand in his warm grip. Your fingers relaxed, releasing the tension that had been between them, becoming limp yet yearning for the touch.

"Spencer," you said suddenly, taking a deep breath. "I don't know if I can ask you this... but... you've been there for me this whole time and... okay, I’ll understand if you say no, but... would you maybe... want to visit him with me? I don't know if I can do it alone."

You waited for his response, your heart beating faster with each passing moment. Maybe it was too much? Maybe you shouldn’t be asking him for something like this; maybe it crossed the line of your acquaintance? Just a year ago... no, even a week ago, you never would have imagined you’d be begging anyone for something like this. You would have forced yourself to do it alone, ignoring your fear.

He simply smiled.

"Of course, you can ask me to do that. And I'm glad I'll be able to accompany you."

*

The sound of quickly pressed keys echoed as you gave the hospital receptionist your brother’s last name.

The stark whiteness of the place and the blinding, intense light felt like a scene straight out of a horror movie. The thought of seeing Jeremy soon made you tremble. You had so many questions for him, including why he even tried to take his own life, but you knew you couldn’t ask them just yet. He didn’t need an interrogation to satisfy your curiosity; he needed support.

You were so overwhelmed at the thought of seeing him that you shifted impatiently from foot to foot. You felt stressed but also excited. After all, he was your little brother, and you missed him. Standing beside you, Reid smiled slightly, noticing your behavior. If you were hurting him by squeezing his hand as tightly as you could, he didn’t let it show.

"Who are you to the patient?" the receptionist asked.

"His sister."

"And you?" she turned to Spencer.

"A frie—" he began, probably intending to say friend.

"Fiancé," you interrupted, quickly offering a word that began with the same letter. You worried that if the woman found out he wasn’t connected to you or Jeremy, she might ask him to stay in the waiting room. You didn’t expect him to go into Jeremy's room with you, but you wanted the reassurance that he’d be right outside, not on the other side of the hospital.

Reid first looked at you like you were crazy. You tried to silently signal him to join in on your desperate act. Luckily, he caught on incredibly fast.

"That's right, fiancé. Basically, husband. We're getting married... tomorrow," he improvised, nodding with such conviction that he almost seemed to believe it himself. "Well, actually, not tomorrow, but the day after, because tomorrow is Sunday, and we’re Catholic. In our religion, 

“Darling,” you gritted through your teeth, seeing the receptionist’s confused expression.

“In any case, I’m very close to the patient,” he emphasized.

If he said anything more, you would’ve nudged him with your elbow.

“Well… in that case… the patient is in room number fourteen. It’s that way…” She pointed in the right direction. You thanked her with an overly wide smile. “And… congratulations.”

“God bless you,” Reid said as he waved goodbye.

You quickly turned around, so she wouldn’t see your burst of laughter. As soon as you were out of the receptionist's sight, you hit him on the back so hard that a woman with a cast on her arm almost dropped her coffee. He laughed, and you awkwardly tried to hide how much the whole situation amused you as well.

“If I had let you say one more word, she wouldn’t have let either of us in,” you complained. “She would’ve thought we were freaks. Religious freaks. Or maybe point us to the psychiatric ward.”

“Hey, I’m not the best actor. You should know that,”

“I didn’t know. I’ll remember for next time, though I’m not sure if there will ever be another situation where you’ll need to pretend to be my husband.”

"Fiancé," he corrected. "You decided that yourself."

"Basically a husband. You decided that yourself."

You didn’t say anything more, only grabbed the edge of his coat sleeve to slow his pace. You were standing outside room 14, right in front of the door. You didn’t even peek inside; you weren’t ready to see Jeremy just yet.

“I need one more minute,” you whispered.

“Take all the time you need,” he replied gently.

 The playful mood that had accompanied you both was gone. Not knowing what to do with your hands, you stood on tiptoe and began adjusting his poorly tied scarf. 

“Sorry,” you muttered under your breath. “It’s been bothering me since I saw you.”

"I'll wait for you here, okay?" he asked quietly. Because you were so close to him, he barely had to raise his voice at all. "Jeremy doesn’t know me, I don’t want to just show up unannounced..."

“Are you coming in or what?”

You turned around, startled, to see none other than Jeremy. Lying on the hospital bed, poking at a container of chocolate pudding with a spoon, and most importantly, awake. 

At first, you were surprised, but soon emotion took control of your body, and you ran to him as if he were about to disappear.

"Oh my God, I can finally see you..." His shirt, which you hugged tightly, muffled your words.

"The pudding spilled on your jacket."

"I don't care."

He chuckled into your hair, holding you tighter. You stayed like that for a moment, desperately holding back tears. If even one had surfaced, you would’ve fallen apart like a child.

ou pulled away after a long time, immediately noticing that his eyes were also filled with tears. However, he quickly wiped them away with his hand. Still, he was a sixteen-year-old boy, and crying in front of his sister felt like public humiliation for him, a shame that would last forever. You tried to do everything you could to avoid looking at his wrists. Both hands were wrapped in bandages, and from the conversation with your father, you learned that they had put in a lot of stitches. You focused on looking at his face—young, similar to yours, with the same blue eyes.

"Are parents visiting you?"

He shrugged.

"Father, surprisingly, more often. Mother drops by irregularly and talks about strange things. Apparently, our neighbor's dog has worms, and it really pisses her off. My mother, not the neighbor. Though, probably the neighbor too..."

You didn't know why you started crying.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." you mumbled, your words slurring. “I should have gotten here earlier, and I didn’t. I regret so much that I didn’t, I’m sorry. I should have been here the moment you woke up.”

He didn’t say anything, letting you lament. Finally, you wiped away the last tear, then apologized to him about eighteen more times. You sat together in silence for a moment, busying yourself with wiping the dirty jacket. He wasn’t joking about the pudding.

“How are you feeling?”

He shrugged.

“Tolerable, I guess. By the way, who was that guy who came in with you?”

You turned toward the entrance, but Spencer was nowhere to be seen. He must have sat on one of the chairs outside the room, and knowing him, he’d probably started reading some medical brochure.

“A friend,” you replied briefly. “I hope it doesn’t bother you that I brought him... It’s just…”

You didn’t know how to explain that you couldn’t have made it here without support.

“He works for the FBI too?” he asked, suddenly curious. “Would he tell me more about the job than you do?”

You crossed your arms over your chest, pretending to be dead serious.

“I won’t let him tell my little brother any graphic details.”

“I’m not a kid!”

“To me, you are, and always will be.”

He looked like he was holding back from sticking his tongue out at you.

“Call him,” he asked. “I’d love to meet your friend. Is he a friend, or a friend?”

“Jeremy, you’re ridiculous…”

But you fulfilled his request. Spencer stared at you with wide eyes when you told him that your brother wanted to see him. As he entered the room, he almost tripped over... probably his own feet, since there was nothing else to trip on. And that’s how the rest of the visit went, the three of you together. Jeremy alternated between complaining about the hospital food and bombarding Reid with questions about absolutely everything related to being a profiler. He had always been fascinated by it, but after everything that had happened to you, you couldn’t, with a clear conscience, recommend that job to him. Spencer had been explaining everything in detail to him, and for the next hour, you almost felt like an intruder in their private conversation, which amused you instead of offending you.

Spencer left a moment before you, giving you a chance to say goodbye to your brother privately. When you finally released him from your embrace, promising you'd come back tomorrow, the same nurse who had spoken with you at the reception entered the room. She was checking Jeremy’s condition as you headed for the exit.

“Wait,” she suddenly said. “I think your husband left his scarf.”

She held up the purple scarf, indeed Reid's. You were about to thank her and take it when you noticed Jeremy’s mouth hanging open, and with horror, you realized what she'd said.

"Forgive me, dear sister, but what the fuck?”

*

“So, he’s convinced that we had a secret, spontaneous wedding that you didn’t tell him about?”

“Yeah. Something like that.”

In reality, Jeremy had probably realized immediately that there was a misunderstanding, but he just couldn’t pass up the chance to tease you. He would likely bring it up again for the rest of your life. You were also worried that you'd get an angry phone call from your mother asking why you didn’t mention your “wedding,” but overall, you were content with how the meeting went.

You both walked together in an unknown direction, neither of you sure when you should part ways or if you even wanted to. You didn’t want to, but you had no idea about him. The weather was much better than in the town where you had spent the last few days. The fewer trees meant that autumn wasn’t as pronounced. It was only present in the chilly, gusty wind.

"If you don't have any plans, how about going out to eat?" you suggested.

"Sure." Reid agreed immediately, and the corner of your mouth twitched at the speed of his response. "What are you in the mood for?"

"Well, anything. There's a good restaurant on the corner of this street... Oh, God, I just remembered, I owe someone dinner as a thank you."

"Dinner? As a thank you?" he repeated with a strange look on his face. Before he could say anything else, he caught himself and snorted. "Interesting. Just curious, is it someone I know?"

"Oh, you know him." You continued with a barely suppressed smile. "Do you remember James Rivas? The forest ranger?"

Reid literally stopped in the middle of the sidewalk.

"Dinner? With him?"

"That's right. Well, he saved my life, so I guess I owe him that."

You were shocked when you learned how your team knew where to find you after you were kidnapped. The bunker Osborne took you to was unknown to the local authorities, hidden deep in the forest, far from any paths. When the rumor spread through the town about who was responsible for the murders and that an FBI agent had been kidnapped, the forest ranger showed up at the police station. He revealed that he knew the place where you might have been held because, as a child, he used to go there with friends, including Logan Osborne.

But of course, you had no intention of taking him to dinner. You just wanted to laugh at Reid's reaction.

"You're absolutely not owed anything by him!" he blurted out with emotion, a hint of anger in his voice. "If he'd only remembered that he knew about the existence of some bunker, you wouldn't have been kidnapped in the first place. You wouldn't have had to go through that hell, and I wouldn't have been losing my mind the whole time, not knowing what happened to you. Plus, have you forgotten what an awful person he is? He's arrogant, self-absorbed, and full of self-admiration—do you really want to have dinner with someone like that...are you laughing?"

He furrowed his brow, completely confused by your reaction.

“God, Reid, I was just joking! I’d rather die than spend another hour with that jerk. Especially voluntarily,” you explained, laughing between words. Something in his remark made you smirk. “Were you really losing your mind when I was kidnapped? “

“You’re impossible," he snorted. “Where’s that restaurant?”

“Wait, don’t change the topic and answer my question”

He simply looked at you, tilting his head to the side.

 “Isn’t it obvious?”

taglist: @miriamnox @xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx @nightfullofparadox

thank you everyone for reading <3

[mrradmccoolman]

something interesting i've been thinking about lately is the fact that watching dead poets society for the first time, i thought todd would be the one to commit suicide. i can't remember whether i knew one of the characters would going in, or only after my teacher mentioned it as a trigger warning right before the scene (i watched it in class my junior year). i say im getting back into the fandom, but really, i wasn't quite in it before this. in truth, the movie affected me so deeply that i actually avoided it because i didn't know how to handle it (this, along with forgetting seemingly insignificant details about emotional experiences- like whether i knew going in that one of the characters would die or not- happens...concerningly often, and im not sure if it's indicative of a larger problem or if i want to know).

needless to say, i did remember recently that i had assumed todd would be the one to die, and i increasingly believe this is actually not an uncommon belief that new viewers have going in. why is this? well, there are a few obvious and not-so-obvious reasons that i want to go over.

for one, todd is probably the main protagonist of the movie. the other poets are certainly main characters too, but for the most part, we follow todd's journey at Welton from beginning to end. it wouldn’t be irrational to assume that such an important event would happen to him solely due to this fact.

more than that, todd is arguably the most obviously struggling out of all the poets to the naked eye. he has all the hallmarks of a person with low self-esteem and a veritable heft of familial, educational, and social problems. he's crippilingly shy, anxious, and always uncomfortable; he has a hard time connecting with his peers, difficulty coming out of his shell, and cowers under the burden of unreachable expectations from parents who can't seem to pay attention to him as anything other than second best compared to their eldest son. though it isn't ever outwardly shown, it isn't hard to imagine he's a victim of bullying and/or harassment- in fact, though i don't believe the poets would ever bully anyone, they clearly sense his "otherness" as shown by Cameron's comment in the beginning of the movie. even neil doesn't understand him at first, and it takes time for him to really grasp how bad things are for todd. i don't believe todd's parents' reasons for pulling him out of Balincrest are every directly specified, but ive always thought a big part of it could be that he was being picked on by the other students (along with his parents hope that transferring him to Welton would make him succeed like his brother).

i don't know if by the time i was watching neil's scene with his parents after the play that i really knew, completely, what was coming. i think by then i knew it wouldnt be todd to die, but i hadn't fully accepted that neil would in his stead. there was a sort of comfort in feeling like i knew what would happen, only for the movie to pull the rug out from beneath me and leave me devastated. not that i would've been less sad if todd had died- just that, when neil did, and i could ruminate on the signs shown through the rest of the movie and the grief and the direness of the situation, i was left reeling at the suddenness.

of course, looking back on it, it makes complete sense that it would be neil. knowing his situation, his history, and his personality, it seemed painfully obvious. but i only really realized that after the fact, like i imagine the poets did as well.

ive already mentioned quite a few times on this blog neil's depression and how things were for him, including his relationship with his father, but that's because i find it especially painful in the way i can relate. i imagine a neil who has been struggling with depression since he was very young, crushed under the weight of a father who had planned out who he was meant to be since his birth. a neil who doesn't understand why he's so damn empty all the time, who doesn't speak up because he fears what it means. a neil who has all these feelings about boys that he shouldn't, that finally come to a head when he connects with todd and he can't ignore them anymore. a neil who loves his father, who wants to make him proud. a neil begging somebody, anybody to listen, but his words fall on deaf ears. he is not an adult. he has no control. there is no one to save him, no one to help him. he is trapped. every light has been snuffed out.

i wouldn't hesitate to say that by now, most people are at least aware of the fact that depression manifests in many different ways, some less obvious than others. on the surface, it's easy to view neil as one of those people- he's smiley, focused, talented; he has a group of friends that love him, things he's passionate about, a family who wants what they believe is best for him. he's the textbook definition of somebody who doesn't seem like they'd have issues with mental health.

but...that's not true. maybe for the teachers who barely talked to him, or the families who met him in passing and told their own sons to strive to be like him, but anyone who'd spent more than an hour talking to him who knew about depression would be able to recognize something wrong. he's somehow both responsible and also completely reckless with no regard to the consequences, as if his own life is a game he can play with. his interactions with his own family are stilted and awkward. he gets angry and lashes out like a trapped animal when questioned; the few times he does open up, he speaks with the desperation of a boy prisoner in his own mind. he connects so deeply to todd because he relates to him, because he feels understood by him. he willfully ignores his future and it's implications because when he finally faces it, he knows it will be too much for him to bear.

and it's this, perhaps, that makes it so incredibly frustrating that everything culminated in his decision to commit suicide- because there were signs, clear as day, over and over and over and over and nobody did anything about it. the only people who really tried, directly, didn't have the power or the knowledge to change anything for him. it was so preventable. the movie leaves you breathless with anger at how different things could have been.

i genuinely want to hear everyone else's thoughts/perceptions on this, because i find it really interesting and part of what makes the film so emotional.

[nowimjustastranger]

Has STCMO!Ford ever had to help a Stanford stop their Stanley from committing suicide? I read a fanfic a few months back called Salt Water in my Veins by a_solitary_marshmallow on ao3 and I kept thinking about it a lot. It's where Stanley tries to drown himself in the ocean after getting kicked out and Stanford, having second thoughts, goes out looking for him, finds him and sees what he's doing, and runs into the ocean after him to pull him out before it's too late. Using a scenario like that as example, is there a dimension where Stanford tries to save his Stanley in the same or similar way but ultimately can't do it on his own and Ford has to intervene?

I couldn't help myself, lol. I tried out an alternative way of answering asks and I gotta say it was fun, so I'll probably start answering more asks like this when inspiration strikes me!

He wasn't going to make it.

Ford had stupidly tripped the moment his shoes hit sand and he'd fallen, wasting precious seconds scrambling back to his feet. He didn't have time to take off his coat or shoes so he didn't run the risk of drowning, the water weighing him down and making him slower as he charged into it.

It was so cold and Ford couldn't see Stan anymore, his brother swallowed by the black abyss. The ocean has never looked so terrifying before. Still, Ford pressed onward, wading deeper and deeper as he shredded his vocal cords calling for his brother over and over again. Only the lapping waves and his own labored breathing answered him.

He was submerged up to his stomach now and he was sobbing because he already knew it was too late-

A figure surged past him and Ford blinked dumbly because they were running on the water, clad in a simple black tank top and equally black slacks with glowing boots. The weirdest part was the biker helmet that the stranger wore, because surely that would hinder him as he... did whatever it was that he was doing.

Which was diving into the black surf, apparently.

The stranger disappeared much like Stan had, Ford's heart in his throat as he watched the churning water settle. He was shivering, but he refused to leave the water until he either had his brother back or the ocean took him too.

The stranger erupted from the water, boots lighting up as he gracefully hauled both him and the limp figure in his arms up and out of the inky depths. Ford choked on a sob as the stranger adjusted his grip on Stan to prop the unconscious -he's just unconscious, please let him be unconscious- teen on his hip before coming straight for Ford.

Ford's vocal cords produced an undignified noise that he will deny emitting until death as he was plucked from the water by his belt, thrown over the stranger's shoulder like a sack of potatoes. And, in a blink, they were on the shore and the stranger was laying Stan down onto the sand, grabbing a utility belt from a pile of clothes that Ford hadn't noticed until just now.

Stan was so pale, so quiet, so still.

The stranger rolled Stan onto his side before grabbing a device that looked like a metal wand, pressing the tip to the center of Stan's chest before swirling it in three tight circles. Ford didn't dare interrupt the bizarre ritual as the stranger dragged the metal wand up Stan's throat all the way to his mouth, no less than a gallon's worth of water pouring onto the sand as Stan's body twitched.

Then Stan was choking, coughing up the last of the water before sucking in a wheezing breath. And it felt like Ford could finally breathe again too, frantically grabbing for Stan as he openly sobbed. Ford pressed his face to Stan's violently shivering body, listening to his rasping breaths and weakened pulse. But he was alive. His little brother was alive.

"I'll carry him to the car, you collect my things." A heavily altered voice instructed and Ford looked up, blinking at the stranger. Honestly, he'd forgotten that the stranger was even there. "I'll purchase a motel room for the next few days, your brother can stay there until he has recovered."

Ford couldn't make himself ask the burning question of why the stranger was doing this for them, why he cared so much. Stan was the only thing that mattered right now, the answers to his questions could come later. Stan was his number one priority and he would not forget that ever again.

[tiny-librarian]

On this day in history, August 12th, two thousand and fifty four years ago, Cleopatra VII, the last active ruler of Ancient Egypt, committed suicide.

Eleven days previously, her husband Marc Antony had already done the same. The couple had been engaged in a civil war against Octavian, the great nephew of Julius Caesar who had been declared his legal heir. During the final battle in Alexandria, Antony suffered serious desertions among his troops and lost the fight. Upon his return, he falsely heard Cleopatra had killed herself and fell on his sword.

After Antony’s death, Octavian arrived in Egypt and effectively took Cleopatra and her children by Antony prisoner. She had sent her eldest son Caesarion, her only living child with Caesar, away for his own safety. She knew that Octavian planned for her to march in chains behind his chariot during his triumph parade, and would very likely have her killed afterwards. Rather than suffer such humiliations and indignity, she chose to take her own life.

Popular history and mythology leads us to believe that she was killed by inducing an asp to bite her, after having locked herself in her mausoleum with her two handmaidens. However, many modern scholars believe that she instead took a mixture of poisons, since the venom of an asp does not cause a quick or painless death. Octavian and his men found her too late to do anything, Cleopatra was already dead and one handmaiden, Iras, was nearly dead on the floor. The second, Charmian, was straightening the Queen’s diadem. According to legend, one of the men asked if this was well done of her mistress, and she shot back “Very well done, as befitting the descendant of so many noble Kings,“ before collapsing and dying herself.

Upon her death, Octavian honoured Cleopatra’s wish to be buried in her mausoleum at Antony’s side. He took her children with Antony, the twins Cleopatra Selene and Alexander Helios, along with their younger brother, Ptolemy Philadelphus, to Rome with him as prisoners of sorts. They were fated to march in his triumph parade in their mother’s place, the chains so heavy they could hardly walk. After this they were given to Octavian’s sister Octavia, who had been Antony’s third wife, to look after.

Cleopatra’s son with Caesar, Caesarion, was nominally sole ruler of Egypt after his mother’s death. Eleven days after her suicide, he was found after being lured back to Alexandria under false pretenses of being allowed to rule in his mother’s place. Octavian ordered his murder, on advice that “Two Caesar were too many.”

With Cleopatra’s death, and Caesarion’s subsequent murder, the rule of the Ptolemaic Dynasty came to an end and Egypt became a mere Roman Province.

[allforthegayphase]

What do you think Jeremy’s mysterious background is? I love hearing everyone’s theories and you mentioned Jeremy doing drugs so I’m curious lol

Okay going full tinhat here 🥸 My Jeremy Knox™️ half theory

Recovering drug addict is the only plausible explanation I could come up with as to why Jeremy has to stay at his family home during the school year; keep receipts for every purchase he makes and report back to his mother’s bookkeeper; and go to a therapist his mother personally chose for him. This sounds an awful lot like something a family would do to their addict relative (not letting him out of sight as much as possible, controlling his financial spendings etc).

Then there’s the whole secret second brother who never gets mentioned in Jeremy’s pov but who we know exists (or existed):

My assumption is that Cat was supposed to say ‘had’. Doubled with Jeremy’s strong reaction to Jean making a morbid joke about Grayson killing himself (btw 10/10 material I laughed; also love the foreshadowing), it leads me to believe that his other brother might have committed suicide.

Also I checked and this scene happens right after the news about Zane’s alleged overdose become public:

Maybe his mom saw the news about a Raven overdosing and was concerned about the Raven on her son’s team possibly having access to drugs as well (also we know Jeremy’s family is already aware of Jean’s less than stellar reputation as his sister Annalise mentions it earlier in the book).

How are Jeremy’s drug addiction, his brother’s suicide and the fall banquet “that broke their family in half” (and made his sister hate exy for some reason) all connected? Idk lol 🥸 Maybe the brother overdosed on Jeremy’s stash. I think Jeremy is definitely involved in his brother’s death somehow, and tbh I’d like to see him be genuinely in the wrong there. Imagine like… the opposite of Riko. Someone who had done something terrible but chose not to let it define him and worked on becoming a better person 🫶 #11 >>> #1

[that-spider-fan-over-there]

BNHA 430: This wasn’t very “My Hero Academia” of you I’ll be honest—

Okay, where do I begin? Uh. So the story reached its conclusion. Congratulations, and all the best to Horikoshi-san for telling the story he wanted to tell for ten years, loved the characters, the little world he created after the cancellation of his previous works, I will cherish it for the rest of my life.

... but in my opinion: the last seven chapters were so bad- I don't think I can see this ending as anything other than a contradiction of what we were shown. Like, I thought we'd get a twist, everyone would be fine, something would change. I'm wearing the clown shoes already.

So, I'm just gonna treat this as a normal chapter, and not a final one, because I'll be here for days if I open this can of worms, which, I will not lie, is very bad (I'll open it at some point, not now.) I'm posting this on the.. 6th? Because apparently there's an announcement in the 5th and I don't wanna spoil the fun.

So, uh, under the read more are my thoughts on the ending, be warned I'm very, very negative about it.

*sigh* Oh boi, how killing the League made this go from an "underwhelming" to a "tone-deaf" chapter- I mean. Jesus fuck, leaving things open-ended don't erase the fact they can't make a single appearence to prove me wrong. And if they were alive, the last five chapters (and eight years!) were a waste of emotions and keeping them hidden was a stupidly cruel move.

Funny, the narration is "people aren't equal but it's because of these differences that people find common ground to get along"- THE VILLAINS WERE KILLED OFF FOR BEING DIFFERENT BRO WHAT DO YOU MEAN- "if lending a hand and caring is being a hero then we all became the greatest heroes". Izuku, whatever you're drinking, I'm taking it and drinking it all by myself. You may have cared (which I can't even say for certain anymore). But Tenko died. On accident. Because you gave him OFA.

I liked the "Midoriya-Sensei" part. For 5 seconds. It's fitting, he loves learning stuff, he's good with kids... until you say "it's only because his embers are gone". Then why use it as a tease for seven chapters only to just get rid of them at the end? Is running to Ochako really the last we get to see him use it? Not even as a part-time hero? (not that it matters at the end-)

Ragdoll works with the WWP, Tsukuachi was head strategist in the final battle, Hawks is the (H)PSC president, Aizawa is Aizawa. Why wasn't Izuku hired at an agency? Intelligence was a huge part of his character, yet the moment he was fully Quirkless again, he had to leave? Men truly aren't created equal...

"Cursed power", "blessing", "special" — the only thing special about OFA was being haunted by a guy whose brother was insane enough to hunt it down for generations. A Quirk's a Quirk; having multiple people/powers in one body isn’t special, Tokoyami and Shoto exist. Izuku was supposed to make it special using it on his terms. But I guess "meant to save, not kill" was a lie, as eight out of ten people who had it died. Nine out of eleven, counting BNHA: HR. Tenko died because his body couldn't handle the Quirk, but I guess Izuku isn't gonna think about any of it? Katsuki was right, I guess. OFA is a curse.

Spinner wrote a book (not a comic, guess he took offense to Izuku. Fair, actually). Mr. Compress got a panel, but no real mention of the LoV? They broke the status quo for months (in-universe), and after all of that, nothing changes? Did Spinner know about Tenko, how he became Tomura? And the people who will read it and pull an MLA? TomurAFO had followers, now he's martyr a lá Re-Destro. I’m hoping Spinner didn’t commit suicide like Destro did.

Ochako’s expanding Quirk Counseling. Reform’s implied (it only said expansion), but Himiko still became what Curious wanted her to be: A cautionary tale. And I’m still asking how Ochako knows Himiko what went through, she only told Ochako she was hated because of her Quirk and how she loves. I wanna think she’s reforming it, but nothing else changed, why should I think she’s the exception? She might literally just think Himiko didn't get help, that's a cruel irony.

(At least she's seen as a hero on her rights… even if it took 429 chapters, messy writing, her face looking like rubber, and still being a girl recognized as a "caretaker", not a kickass hero).

Shoji's travelling through Japan to solve discrimination and got a prize for it. No foundations or mentions of Spinner being the main reason he did it, just "standing atop those who rose up eight years ago", just solving it peacefully, you sure are, buddy. Like, I'm sure you are being successful but how exactly are you solving this? I mean, you "solved" the hospital fight by fighting Spinner with Koda- Oh wait, time constraints, we can't elaborate how. I'm rolling my eyes

Shirakumo showed the noumu state could've been reversed, yet Katsuki, who never killed someone aside from AFO (and that guy was gonna die anyway), fatally exploded him. I hoped it was a misunderstood panel but no. He died because he wanted to save Tenko. Even fucking Gran Torino was alive by the end of this. Why.

I think Shoto is the only main character I’m not really having a problem with (Ochako's ending required Himiko for it to feel somewhat complete. Sorry, Ochako). I’m weirded out that they mentioned the billboard using the guy whose life was ruined by it as an example, but other than that, he’s doing fine. Wish we saw him talking to his siblings though. But alas. No mention of Fuyumi and Natsuo. And Rei's with Endeavor. Fuck I take it back Todofam still deserved better.

Inko got so sidelined when Mitsuki and Masaru were in 424 for half a chapter, by the way. Just one panel for her, the protagonist's mother.

Schedules not aligning is one thing (I get it, my friends and I can't align ours anymore), but Class A not opening an agency together? They survived the same two wars. And you're telling me they wouldn't say "WE'RE WORKING TOGETHER AND TAKING MIDORIYA WITH US"? Also, where’s the "world where heroes have time to spare" when they look so busy? Were they understaffed or working as celebrities? (if someone says it was for the suit I will point out to the three nepo babies of Class A + Momo's Quirk, Katsuki’s a dumbass if he forgot that detail).

We wasted pages on a kid that can throw plates from his hair. To tell him he can be a hero. Coming from the guy who had to stop working as a hero when he lost OFA. I'm not taking this parallel seriously.

I wish Izuku wasn't in "everything’s fine" mode until the end. We're really gonna leave him at "implied" mode, not confirm if his mental state's fine? Being open and emotional was an appealing part of him and now we just get “Yeah that’s just how it is”.

This one's petty and irrational, I know, but since I'm letting some of the steam out: I hate Izuku's new design; face scars (the constant "HE FAILED" reminder makes my eye twitch and I wish that was a joke, but also so many characters in BNHA got face scars, it doesn't even stand out), "perfect tie", normal formal attire- where's the character highlights? The things that make Izuku stand out?

But hey: He gets to be a hero again! Not with skills, heart, intelligence, strength, in spite of Quirklessness. No, he has an Iron Man suit! That Class A paid billions for. The government should be paying the child soldiers- sorry, Class A and B (and Shiketsu and Ketsubutsu) instead, but all they get is a pat on the back. If the suit breaks down, hurts or kills him while in it? I'll laugh (Hatsume and Melissa worked on it? Oh it's gonna happen, I'm hoping). And Toshinori, what happened to him, did he hit his head when he landed on that building!?

Went from: Smiles cover his fear and reassure people, believed saving is about saving body and soul, wanted to help Tenko, only didn't because Gran Torino said it wasn't a good idea. Disliked people were being heroes for fame and not because it's the right thing to do, only used support items as reinforcement and a precaution, never as a full solution, even Iron Might was so he’d have a chance to fight, not a solution.

To: If Tenko died smiling, it wasn't resignation, he was saved, even though he died. Didn't care AFO killed the Shimura - his mentor's - bloodline. Is fine with the billboards existing, even though it caused things like the Todoroki plotline. Now he's giving Izuku a suit, when the last time he did it himself, it didn't save him and his spine was almost snapped? Dude, what?

Also full disclosure, I thought he was paralyzed, but I guess he just had a bad back. Let's not discuss the trauma of almost being snapped in half and feeling your bones break so bad you set a record of how many screws were used, I guess.

... I hated BKDK's conclusion. It's actually so laughable how much I hate it. If it had another outcome, I'd probably be overjoyed as a shipper. But look at this mess:

Thematically, Tenko wasn't rescued, it wasn't a perfect victory because AFO still got away with what he did to him. Save to win, win to save were just nice words. "The End of an Era and The Beginning"? Nothing changed in the world they live in, and they don't stand out among other heroes (these are AM’s successors. And they aren't even important. How.) What new era is this, really?

Their resolutions, relationship rebuild? Offscreen, but Katsuki was the one with the Iron Man suit idea for Izuku and apparently that compensates for it. Because he’s the one who can solve all of Izuku’s problems now, not motivate him to be better anymore. It wasn’t even Izuku’s idea, it was Class A, and sure it’s a nice (condescending) gesture. We’ve seen Toshinori barely come out alive even with one. That's a support item for a reckless little shit who will get himself killed.

Izuku barely batted an eye to any of the things he went through - losing his arms and/or OFA? Seeing Spinner's breakdown? Lady Nagant!? Katsuki or Tenko dying because of Izuku and OFA!? SOME INTROSPECTION?! IT’S BEEN OVER 100 CHAPTERS SINCE YOU’VE BEEN THE EMOTIONAL MC—

Katsuki's insecurities were pointless by the way! Izuku's empathy and heart never mattered, a Quirk was more important to be a hero in the end. BULLIED HIM FOR NOTHING BUDDY- like. Shouldn't have done it at all, but now his character development means nothing because his previous beliefs were the right ones. Changing for the better was pointless. Like Twice's death. Or Katsuki’s own death, since “Control Your Heart” meant nothing as well.

Izuku still remembers Tenko, but has he done anything about it? No one wants to remember him, Himiko or Touya. Spinner's book won't be taken seriously except for Tenko's followers, Mr. Compress was sidelined, Twice's death was pointless. They didn't change society, they've returned to the status quo. Pointless as Izuku losing his arms.

That fucking suit- Wow, he really couldn't be a Quirkless hero, the casual rivalry was just erased for an easy way out of their consequences, there's no catching up because Katsuki paid for Izuku a way to be a hero. Izuku doesn't get there because he still believes Quirks make a hero. This isn't heartwarming or romantic or whatever, Katsuki just proved he also didn't believe Izuku in the end.

And it ends with Izuku seeing Tenko's... Ghost? Hallucination? Vestige? I guess we’ll never know, because Izuku’s following his dreams again! Let's ignore he's doing this during class hours and he definitely should be in UA but who cares, he probably quit, we'll never know. Aside for the BKDK/DKBK fics, being a teacher was clearly a inferior choice for him and he can't do both ignore Aizawa and Present Mic look at him being the world's greatest hero!

It just took 1 year of trauma, scars, following on his mentor's mistakes, losing the thing that "actually" made him be a hero, having the first (Katsuki) and the last (Tenko) people he tried to save dying because of his existence (one literally by his hands), proving anyone can be one! By ignoring the guilt of those you failed, give hands and sparing your thoughts, having superpowers and/or connections who'll give you a suit! And if they still "act out"? Then they deserved death no matter the valid points they've had and you gotta play jury judge executioner. Unless they decide to be quiet like a good entitled citizen.

Fuck this shit I swear- You could’ve had a BKDK proposal with a double spread handhold, and I'd still think Izuku's ending isn't earned. His "happy ending"— actually. BKDK crumbs are the fandom's consolation prize for this ending. I feel cheated out my OTP (like. I'm shipping the version of them in my head, not the canon one 412-onwards because it got worse from there-)

A story about hope bent itself over to give the protagonist an unearned happy ending, when it said it was for every character who wants to connect to that hope, who wants to give that hope. Izuku went from "wanting to be a beacon of hope and save people" to "talk about beacons of hope, but in the end, others are doing this better than you. You had none of the willpower to be one." He's not hope or unity. Act 3!Izuku is just a plot device, I feel nothing for his ending other than irritation, and I hate it because he was my favourite character. Lol, a very useless one in the end.

So. Yeah, those are my thoughts about the ending. I think. I don't know if these are all of them. I feel horrible about hating it, but I've sat on this chapter for days and right now, not a lot can make me like it, especially with the timeskip, which made this "open ending" a rushed and incomplete mess. If you disagree with me, honestly, that is very fair. I'm glad for you if you liked the ending. I'm just disappointed, and wanted to share my opinions. (and I do have more stuff to say about it but I think I've been negative enough)

But for the weeks I spent hoping this wouldn't slap a classic shonen ending in this catasthrophic mess and for making me feel like a dumbass after what we got in the end: Everything after 410 that isn't 421 and 422 is non-existent to me, this epilogue was a freaking waste.

Thank you for reading.

(EDIT.: Fixed some spelling mistakes and added a few more things because I can keep going on how bad this ending is. Also to clear stuff up: I am still a BKDK shipper. But only until 412, anything after that? Yeah, no, keep that shit away from me lol.)

[alicentflorent]

Have you seen GRRM’s recent blog post?

Yes it was so good. I’m glad he doubled down on the damage the changes to blood and cheese did to the narrative, the cruelty of the killers, helaena offering up her own life, the “Sophie’s choice” moment - which according to condal was all maester propaganda right? Well the author has doubled down on the real accurate story which is the book version. He’s correct about cutting Maelor, who isn’t important in himself but his impact on the story was important. Alicent taking the initiative to get her grandchildren to safety when Rhaenyra is about to take the city, ser Rickard Thorne’s sacrifice trying to protect this innocent child (I like the actor who plays him so it’s shame he won’t get his moment), Daeron, the good brother and son, who loses it after hearing about what happened to his nephew and finally helaena, her suicide was directly because of Maelor’s death and now condal is planning on having her commit suicide “for no reason” in season 3, they’ve already taken away the fact that she was loved by the people and major riots break out, the dragons are killed and Rhaenyra is chased from kingslanding directly in response to the people’s princess/queen committing suicide after the horrific deaths of her children which were caused by the blacks.

I’m assuming Alicent won’t be orchestrating the plan to get her family to safety (and do not try telling me she was trying to save jaehaera in that final scene because she just told the enemy she wanted to take aegon’s only heir which was stupid and dangerous), daeron will just be burning down villages for no reason and will just be another Aemond, helaena will probably jump “because of the prophecies” or some bs. See how these changes have made at LEAST three characters less sympathetic? How helaena’s death will be less tragic and not the fault of what was done to her by the blacks in this war? And the fact that he says things are going to get worse story wise in seasons three and four and the fact that he likely broke an nda to write that blog is very telling.

[thelesbododo]

This is a headcanon circulating around a sensitive topic and one that you may not agree with so if you don't want to read it please scroll.

This headcanon revolves around the character Osamu Dazai and the concept of sexual assault

I believe that Dazai was sexually assaulted as a child

This has nothing to do with Mori and takes place long before they even meet

While it is true we know little to nothing of BSD Dazai's past, it is also true that it is highly likely the Irl author and his No Longer Human counterpart was SA'd

There are two specific pieces of writing are evidence of this

"My true nature, however, was one diametrically opposed to the role of the mischievous imp. Already by that time I had been taught a lamentable thing by the maids and manservants; I was being corrupted. I now think that to perpetrate such a thing on a small child is the ugliest, vilest, cruelest crime a human being can commit. But I endured it. I even felt as if it enabled me to see one more particular aspect of human beings. I smiled in my weakness. If I had formed the habit of telling the truth I might perhaps have been able to confide unabashedly to my father or mother about the crime, but I could not fully understand even my own parents. To appeal for help to any human being - I could expect nothing from that expedient. Supposing I complained to my father or my mother, or to the police, the government - I wondered if in the end I would not be argued into silence by someone in good graces with the world, by the excuses of which the world approved.It is only too obvious that favoritism inevitably exists: it would have been useless to complain to human beings. So I said nothing of the truth. I felt I had no choice but to endure whatever came my way and go on playing the clown"

- No Longer Human

"I ceased being a child soon after entering grade school. It was then that my younger brother’s nurse taught me something that took my breath away. It was a beautiful summer day, and the grass by the vacant house out back had grown tall and dense. I must have been about seven, and my brother’s nurse could not have been more than thirteen or fourteen. My brother was three years younger than I, and the nurse shooed him off. She said, ‘Go get some leaf grass’ - that’s our word for clover back home. Then she added, ‘And make sure it’s got four leaves too.’ After he left, she put her arms around me and we started rolling around in the tall grass. Thereafter we would play our secret little game in the storehouse or in one of the closets."

- Memories

Both No Longer Human and Memories are semi-autobiographies, meaning they're somewhat based in truth

I can't speak from experience but SA has a big effect on the lives of the survivors

Some of thes effects include;

Sleeping or Eating disorders

Dazai canoniclly has issues sleeping and there are scenes that imply he has issues with and/or doesn't see the point in eating, at one point saying that it is "so much trouble"

Nightmares

There is a specific scene within one kf the light novels where Kunikida asks if Dazai has nightmares.

(Unfortunately I can't find the exact moment so I can't quote it so if anyone can find it please let me know)

Self-hatred

It might not be clearly stated that he hates himself but ay the same time its rather clear that he does

Suicidal thoughts or self-harm

He is a suicidal maniac

Riskier sexual behaviors such as having many partners

He canoniclly has had quite a lot of lovers

Substance abuse

The one scene we see of his apartment we see that there is more alcohol than furniture (it's also a popular hc that Dazai smokes which makes sense considering his past with the pm and that irl author smoked)

Another moment to mention was when he seduced the nurse (which technically counted as SA too but that's not the point of this)

I'm probably gonna end it here because it's late and I'm tired but anyone willing to add or correct anything please go ahead and I hoped you enjoyed my hc

[strom-in-the-sky]

My baby my baby....

·˚✎ ﹏"I'm sorry... I'm such a shity older brother....just please don't leave me.....not like this..."

Port mafia times. Dazai has a younger sibling. Being the traumatized 15 years he is. He pushed away the only one person who was close to him. A stupid wish for you to die like the death he craved so much. But what if that one wish he didn't actually want came true. Those words that he said of wished he could take back. The wish he never wished to say, the one wish he wished that was replaced with all his other wishes. The only person that believed in him when he treated them so...so wong.

Tw. Mention of suicide, death, kinda descriptive mention of a body, violent behavior, manipulation, toxic family relationship, yandere-like behavior. Angst. Spoilers to dark ark. !!platonic relationship!! {Y/N} is 10. Dazai being dazai.

It was after a fight you two had. Hearing the front door close with a soft click. It was after his loud mouth to say something to scare you. God, he was so used to seeing the fear in other eyes. But seeing how you cried and ran out of the house. Made something inside in heart snap. No. He didn't consider himself human. He moved towards the bed, sitting on it, not caring if he got the sheets dirty. He was a fucking sinner anyways. What more to bring into the roof over the two heads. He didn't deserve to be called your sibling. You should just Die. Those thoughts filled his head overwhelming him again. His long black trench coat long discarded in the shared room. Since Mori decided to toss the two siblings into a small ass apartment. It had the needed things to live. It was better than the shipping container if anything. God he fucking hates him. He hates everyone to be honest. Other than Oda, Ango, and well maybe you. He tossed you away, yelled, and took his frustration out on poor you. He would never raise his hand but the words he said he could never take back. His younger sibling always comes back. He didn't blame you if you hated him. He wouldn't even be mad if you stab him in the night. Killed him. He was already restless in the night. Hearing your soft breathing as you sleep next to him. It was better right? You would be living a better life right? Maybe the two of you can commit suicide together and live the next life away from this hell. But he was smart and knew you wouldn't want that. He sighed as he moved to get up from the bed. Grumbling as he raised a hand to massage his head that hurt. Grabbing his coat and tossing it on his shoulder. He should let you cool down first before even trying to remotely talk to you. He knew it was easy to get you on his side. You listened to him better than the men he had the power of. As the sun set as the moon began to rise a bit peaking out from the tall buildings. It's been a couple hours. Where the hell could you go so long now. Never any stars just tall lanky buildings in this city. Yokomizo was a pretty big city after all. Pulling out his black flip-phone. He started to text your phone. Matching phones...he had a pure black one and you well a pure white one. He held no reaction when he shoved the present to you. Yeah he may be an ass be he not that much of an asshole....? Thought the way your eyes light up. When the box was opened. Made something tic in him was it his heart or mind...? It wouldn't hurt to spoil you some more.

Yea, where are you. 7:01

Unread.

Get your ass home or you're grounded for a week. 7:36

Unread

Are you even listing to me right now to pick up the fucking phone? Do you don't know how to type or something? 8:25

Unread

Pick up the fucking phone {y/n}. 8:41

Unread

I'm not playing around, pick up, or come home. Right now {y/n} 9:20

Unread

His eyes twitched a bit as the calls went unanswered as well as his text. The text reflected in one eye since the other was bandaged up. He scoffed and shoved his phone into his pocket. Moving to go out of the apartment harshly closing the door behind him. The apartment was clean since you cleaned it alot. Both your clothing and stuff. A silent thank you should of say every day coming home to something so peaceful and clean. You were only 10. He was 15 and didn't know how to do half of that stuff. Maybe he needs to take your tv time away so you can stop learning to back-talk him. He was always in a bitter mood or drunk when he came home. He shoved his hands in his pocket. It was no surprise Dazai knew where you went after a fight. The park he always took you. To see you smile with all the other younger children as he stayed in the shade. He wasn't a figure to see out in the public in the light. Always the dark or shadows. Thought this fight was more different than the other. Some share words then you both get ready for bed and sleep. No, this fight was like his last straw. Mori decided to fuck with him and send him on a mission. A dangerous one. He used your name in vain. Mori did know his weakness. It was you. You. Oh, how he does anything to punch his lights out. Once more he did and didn't get along well with you. Small memories of the easy life he had with the small form in his arms. So helpless and adorable in his arms. He missed those days. Just to let losses and be the kid he needed to be. To be that child with you. He was stressed and tired. Being also paired with the new ginger in the mafia. He was going to secretly spoil you with gifts when he got home. Seeing how you looked at a plushie from a window when he went out with you on the weekends. He failed to see a rival male from an alley away waiting for the two of you. Taking photos before leaving. It wasn't any surprise had many enemies. But he was always smarter than them. Why didn't he see it then?

It all started when. You asked to join him tomorrow to go to the Mafia headquarters. The place he banned you from going since it was so dangerous there. There are too many prying eyes. He fell for it, and now he doesn't even know he can leave. He wouldn't let the same thing happen to you. He doesn't even like to talk about the work he does with you. Sometimes, coming home dirty or covered in the blood from the missions. Yes, he was easygoing at times, but he let that façade drop at home. The stupid small apartment you both called some sort of home.

"The fuck do you know about my work!? Hm? your only 10 {y/n} so shut the hell-" He was quite tired and wasn't willing to hear anything at the moment just wanting to go to bed. The shared bed the two of you shared. He never dared to cuddle or even touch you. Both have separate blankets on the bed. Always back to back. On the bed.

"Osamu! please- I promise to be quiet -" you beg to join. He didn't blame you. No one wanted to be locked up in an apartment all day and only let out on the weekend. There is nothing to do other than watching TV or the suicide books on the shelf.

"No is a no {y/n}. I'm not speaking again. So shut the fuck up." He stated as he crossed his arms. He was bigger than your form. Well, that was quite clear to know being the older one after all. He sent a glare your way as he didn't expect you to storm off. It wouldn't be the first fight or the last.

He arrived at the park he always took you to. He didn't need to hide this time behind the big trees. The night was out, and well, the demons come out to play. He scans the playground part he always used to find you at before he will "drag" your ass home. A moment he remembered you were upset you couldn't go to school and came here. Sitting in the swing. Like always, he sat next to you on the swing in silence. Tonight wasn't like that night. He smelled like blood. Something he was used to. Seeing people. Shot, stabbing, and pulling each other apart were all normal to him. Till he saw a sigh that made his breath stop. He started to shake a bit as he slowly moved forward. It wasn't you, right? That white phone that was broken next to the body slumped on the ground covered in blood. It wasn't the same, right?? RIGHT? He slowly made his way over, not believing the sight he was seeing. It's not you right, not you, not you. It was you. A slumped body on the concrete ground bruised and bloody bleeding from who knows where. His baby sibling. That did nothing wrong. To need this. He needed this. For all he did - It was till the point the color red was around part of your body. He fell to his knees with his rapid breath. His one eye wasn't deceiving him. The worst nightmare came true. The nightmare he never wants to be true. A wish he didn't want but said it because he was a peace of shit. He moved his shaking hand towards the body. Lifting it close to his chest. He didn't care if the blood got on him he was used to it. But the blood icky him because it was your blood. He didn't cry or scream. Just shook he felt how small your breaths were. How quiet and weak it was. How fucking dare you do this to him. How dare someone touch his sibling. He quickly moved the body in his arms to a bridal style holding the form in his arms before he began to run. Run to the place he told you not to go run to the man he keep you so far away from. Fucking sick pervert. He knew the nurses were out for the night. The night nurses didn't do shit. Per experience. He ran to the man he called a boss knowing he was the last hope for your survival.

"Don't you dare fucking die on me. Or your never hearing the end of this."

He wasn't sure if that was just to reassure himself or make an unspoken promise to you to keep you safe. To keep you. To keep you as his baby sibling. Pure from this world.

He just prayed he wasn't too late to save his baby.

Hehehe cliffhanger.

Proofread - yup yup

If you like to check out the bot here, you go! <3

Might start advertising my bots in stories lol. I really need to do more better things in my life.

Please do give comments this is my second time writing.

And please request too!! I'm open for thoughts and bots to make.

[anotherhumaninthisworld]

Was suicide really seen as noble during the French Revolution? Was there any recorded tension regarding this cultural shift with more religious or less revolutionary people/groups? Thanks!

In the book La liberté ou la mort: mourir en député 1792-1795 (2015) can be found a list of all the deputies of the National Convention that died unnatural deaths between 1792 and 1799. Of the 96 names included on it, 16 were those of suicide victims, and to these must also me added a number of botched suicide attempts as well. 

Only a single one of these suicides appears to have been driven by something outside of politics, that of the deputy Charlier, who shot himself in his apartment on February 23 1797, two years after the closing of the Convention. The rest of the suicides are all very clearly politically motivated, more specifically, deputies killing themselves just as the machinery of revolutionary justice was about to catch up to them. There’s those who killed themselves while on the run and unsheltered from the hostile authorities — the girondin Rebecqui who on May 1 1794 drowned himself in Old Port of Marseille, Pétion and Buzot who on June 24 1794 shot themselves after getting forced to leave the garret where they for the last few months had been hiding out, Maure who shot himself while in hiding on 3 June 1795 after having been implicated in the revolt of 1 Prairial, Brunel, who on May 27 shot himself after failing to quell a riot in Toulon, and Tellier, who similarily shot himself on September 17 1795 due to a revolt directed against him in the commune of Chartres. Barbaroux too attempted to shoot himself on June 18 1794 but only managed to blow his jaw off. He was instead captured and guillotined. There’s those that put an end to their days once cornered by said authorities — Lidon, who on November 2 1793 shot himself after having been discovered at his hiding place by two gendarmes (he did however first fire three shots at said gendarmes, one of whom got hit in the cheek) and Le Bas who shot himself in the night between July 27 and 28 1794 as National guardsmen stormed the Hôtel de Ville where he and his allies were hiding out (according to his wife’s memoirs, already a few days before this he had told her that he would kill them both right then and there wasn’t it for the fact they had an infant son). In an interrogation held two o’clock in the morning on July 28 1794, Augustin Robespierre too revealed that the reason he a few hours earlier had thrown himself off the cordon of the Hôtel de Ville was ”to escape from the hands of the conspirators, because, having been put under a decree of accusation, he believed his death inevitable,” and there’s of course an eternal debate on whether or not his older brother too had attemped to commit suicide at Hôtel de Ville that night or if he was shot by a guard (to a lesser extent, this debate also exists regarding Couthon). There’s those who committed suicide in prison to avoid an unfriendly tribunal — Baille who hanged himself while held captive in the hostile Toulon on September 2 1793, Condorcet who took poison and was found dead in his cell in Bourg-la-Reine on 29 March 1794 (though here there exists some debate on whether it really was suicide or if he ”just” died from exhaustion) and Rühl, who stabbed himself while in house arrest on May 29 1795. On March 17 1794, Chabot tried to take his life in his cell in the Luxembourg prison by overdosing on medicine (he reported that he shouted ”vive la république” after drinking the liquor) but survived and got guillotined. Finally, there’s those who held themselves alive for the whole trial but killed themselves as soon as they heard the pronounciation of the death sentence —  the girondin Valazé who stabbed himself to death on October 30 1793 and the so called ”martyrs of prairial” Duquesnoy, Romme, Goujon, Bourbotte (in a declaration written shortly before his death he wrote: ”Virtuous Cato, no longer will it be your example alone that teaches free men how to escape the scaffold of tyranny”), Duroy and Soubrany who did the same thing on June 17 1795 (only the first three did however succeed with their suicide, the rest were executed the very same day).

To these 24 men must also be added other revolutionaries that weren’t Convention deputies, such as Jacques Roux who on February 10 1794 stabbed himself in prison, former girondin ministers Étienne Clavière who did the same thing on December 8 1793 (learning of his death, his wife killed herself as well) and Jean Marie Roland who on November 10 1793 ran a sword through his heart while in hiding, after having been informed of his wife’s execution, Gracchus Babeuf and Augustin Darthé who attempted to stab themselves on May 27 1797 after having been condemned in the so called ”conspiracy of equals,” but survived and were executed the next day, as well as two jacobins from Lyon — Hidins who killed himself in prison before the city got ”liberated,” and Gaillard who did the same thing shortly after the liberation, after having spent several weeks in jail.

With all that said, I think you could say taking your life was considered ”noble” in a way, if it allowed you to die with greater dignity than letting the imposition of revolutionary judgement take it instead did. It was at least certainly a step up compared to before 1789, when suicide (through the Criminal Ordinance of 1670) was considered a crime which could lead to confiscation of property, opprobium cast on the victim’s family and even subjection of the courpse to various outrages, like dragging it through the street. To nuance this a bit, it is however worth recalling that this was only in theory, and that in practise, most of these penalties had ceased to be carried out already in the decades before the revolution, a period during which suicide, in the Enlightenent’s spirit of questioning everything, had also started getting discussed more and more. The word ”suicide” itself entered the French dictionary in 1734. Most of the enlightenment philosophes reflected on suicide and the ethics behind it. There’s also the widely spread The Sorrows of Young Werther that was first released in 1774. Furthermore, most revolutionaries were also steeped in the culture of Antiquity, where suicide was seen as an admirable response to political defeat, perhaps most notably those of Brutus and Cato the younger, big heroes of the revolutionaries. Over the course of the revolution, we find several patriotic artists depicting famous suicides of Antiquity — such as Socrates (whose death is considered by some to have been a sort of suicide) (1791) by David, The Death of Cato of Utica (1795) by Guillaume Guillon-Lethière, and The death of Caius Gracchus (1798) by François Topino-Lebrun. According to historian Dominique Godineau, the 18th century saw ”the inscription [of suicide] in the social landscape, at least in large cities: it has become “public,” people talk about it, it is less hidden than at the beginning of the century,” and she therefore argues that the decision to decriminalize it in the reformed penal code (it didn’t state outright that suicide was now OK, but it no longer listed it as a crime) of 1791 wasn’t particulary controversial.

Furthermore, that committing suicide was more noble than facing execution was still far from an obvious, universal truth during the revolution. In his memoirs, Brissot does for example recall that, right after the insurrection of August 10, when he and other ”girondins” discussed what to do was an act of accusation to be issued against them, Buzot argued that ”the death on the scaffold was more courageous, more worthy for a patriot, and especially more useful for the cause of liberty” than committing suicide to avoid it. The feared news of their act of accusation did however arrive before the girondins had reached a definitive conclusion on what to do, leading to some fleeing (among them Buzot, who of course ironically ended up being one of the revolutionaries that ultimately chose suicide over the scaffold) and some calmly awaiting their fate. In her memoirs, Madame Roland did her too consider going to the scaffold with her head held high to be an act of virtue — ”Should I wait for when it pleases my executioners to choose the moment of my death and to augment their triumph by the insolent clamours of the mob to which I would be exposed? Certainly!” In his very last speech to the Convention, convinced that his enemies were rounding up on him, Robespierre exclaimed he would ”drink the hemlock,” a reference to the execution of Socrates. The girondin Vergniaud is also said to have carried poison on him but chosen to have go out with his friends on the scaffold, although I’ve not yet discovered what the source for this is. It can also be noted that the number of Convention deputies who let revolutionary justice have its course with them was still considerably higher than those who attempted to put an end to their days before the sentence could be carried out.

According to Patterns and prosecution of suicide in eighteenth-century Paris (1989) by Jeffrey Merrick, there was indeed tension regarding the rising amount of suicides in the decades leading up to the revolution. Merrick cites first and foremost the printer and bookseller Siméon Prosper Hardy, who in his journal Mes loisirs ou journal des evenements tels qu'ils parviennent a ma connaissance (1764-1789),  documented a total of 259 cases of Parisian suicides. Hardy saw these deaths as an unwelcome import from the English, who for their part were led to kill themselves due to ”the dismal climate, unwholesome diet, and excessive liberty.” He also blamed the suicides on "the decline of religion and morals," caused by the philosophes, who in their ”bad books” popularized English ways of thinking and undermined traditional values. He was not alone in drawing a connection between the suicides and the new ideas. According to Merrick, the clergy in general ”denounced the philosophes for legitimizing this unforgiveable crime against God and society, which they now associated with systematic unbelief more than the traditional diabolical temptation.” In practice, many parish priests did however still quietly bury the bodies of persons who killed themselves. The future revolutionary Louis Sébastien Mercier did on the other hand blame the government and its penchant for inflated prices and burdensome taxes for the alleged epidemic of suicides in his Tableau de Paris (1782-1783).

In La liberté ou la mort: mourir en député, 1792-1795 it is also established that there weren’t that many participants of the king that killed themselves once the wind started blowing in the wrong direction, but that is not to say they didn’t exist. As example is cited the case of a man who in April 1793 shot himself on the Place de la Révolution, before having written ”I die for you and your family” on a gravure representimg the head of Louis XVI. There’s also the case of Michel Peletier’s murderer Philippe Nicolas Marie de Pâris, royalist and former king’s guard, who, similar to Lidon, blew his brains out when the authorities had him cornered a week after the murder.

Sources:

Patterns and prosecution of suicide in eighteenth-century Paris (1989) by Jeffrey Merrick 

Pratiques du suicide à Paris pendant la Révolution française by Dominique Godineau

La liberté ou la mort: mourir en député, 1792-1795 (2015) by Michel Biard, chapter 5, ”Mourir en Romain,” le choix de suicide.

Choosing Terror (2014) by Marisa Linton, page 276-279, section titled ”Choosing how to die.”

[angstymdzsthoughts]

LXC commits suicide after canon. LWJ goes back in time somehow and goes straight for JGY's throath for causing his brother so much anguish. LWJ now has to:

-Deal with the repercussions of killing xiandu in public

-Dealing with his very confused, hurt and devastated brother

-Deal with the realization that he has doomed himself and WWX bc NHS has no reason to manipulate MXY into the sacrifice if JGY is already dead

[iserveeveryday]

Call Your Mom

long distance!matt x suicidal!reader

hi guys!! this is my first ever time writing any story sooo sorry if it's shit. also English is not my first language so sorry if my grammer sucks.

summary: you text matt a suicide text, leading him to drive to your house and call your mom.

warnings:suicide attempt, depression, very anxious matt (and mom), suicide text, fluff at the end, matty b Bernard boy comforts you! (ur mom does too but wtv), if there are more lmk!!

*not proofread*

Sunday Oct. 13, 1:28AM

You sat in your room, on your phone crying while texting matt. Matt had known you were struggling but he didn't know how bad it had gotten. You read over your text before hitting the send button.

Meanwhile, Matt was talking to Nick and Chris about his dream the other night, but he pulled out his phone when he felt it buzz in his pocket. He quickly read over the text, tears welling in his eyes as he told Nick and Chris that he had to go.

Nick and Chris were obviously curious about why he had to leave so suddenly at 1 in the morning. Matt told him that he forwarded the message you sent to him to them.

Matt got in the car, dialing your Mom's number, panicking. She had previously been sleeping so she took a few rings to answer.

"Matt? Is everything okay? Why are you calling me in the middle of the night?" She asked.

Matt began to cry louder as he continued to drive.

"Y/N sent me a message saying that she's going to commit suicide, p-please do anything to stop her. I'm on my way there right now just please!" Matt cried.

"What!?" Your Mom yelled, so confused because of what she just heard. She got up and ran to your room, only to see that you were gone and there was a letter on your bed.

*pov switcharoo- now it's your pov, woah magic! (wait kinda idek)*

You ran down the street, ignoring the fact that Matt, Nick, Chris, and your Mom were all spamming you. You ran to the bridge, standing at the end of it, feeling at peace and calm, even though cars were honking at you.

Just as you were about to fall off, you are pulled back forcefully by your Mom, along with a small group of people who had pulled over.

You fell onto the sidewalk as your Mom pulled you in for an aggressive hug, as she sobs, you were also crying.

You looked up at her, "Sorry you have to see me like this," you cried.

Your Mom shushed you as she held you. she rocked you slowly back and forth, not caring about the people around you and the people driving by on the road.

Eventually, all of the people around you guys left, deciding to leave you guys alone.

Matt sped down the road to where your location was. when he got there, he saw your mom hugging you. He immediately got out of the car and rushed to them, sobbing.

When you saw him, you burst out crying. "M-matt, I'm so fucking sorry-"

Matt cut you off by pulling you into a hug and kissing your forehead as you both cried.

After about 5 minutes of that, you and Matt got into his car because your Mom had already walked back to your house.

Matt held your hand all the way to your house, wanting only your touch to remind him that you are safe and right next to him. You and Matt were still both sobbing but not as hard.

"Please don't ever fucking do any dumb shit like that to me ever again." Matt said.

"I don't know why I didn't tell you about how bad it got, I'm so sorry matt." You sob.

After a few minutes matt spoke again, "Promise me you will always call me if you are wanting to attempt. I'll drive all night to you. Please just don't do that to me ever again.

"Matt, I promise you that whenever I'm getting even a little bad, I will call you immediately." You said.

After about 2 more minutes, you pull up to your house and go inside. When you get inside, he runs you a warm bath. While you are in the bath, he texts his brothers, telling them that you are safe.

He grabs you one of the shirts you stole from him and some pj shorts for you to wear when you get out and set them on your bed. When he set them down, he saw the letter you left your mom and immediately ripped it up and threw it away.

When you got out of the bath, you changed your clothes and got in bed. You cuddled up into Matt.

"I'm sorry," you sigh.

"I know, but you shouldn't be." Matt responds. ..................................................................................

authors note:

I actually hate this shit wtf there was too much mom in it. anyway I'm gonna go hug my mom. + I'm probably gonna delete this later