#ADVICE ON DISTURBED LOVE LIFE

[sheeezu]

My shifting guidebook.

This is my last post, as melodramatic as I was in my last post, since both the posts I've made on here and reddit i got busy with responding to dms (for those confused check my first post) so i didn't permashift.

Unfortunately i still couldn't respond to all the messages and questions sent to my inbox and dms, mainly because of the different time zones and general laziness from my side.

I appreciate everyone who asked questions, although i felt it's a bit unfair since the answers to very common problems didn't reach everyone, and i want everyone to shift, i want everyone to shift tonight, so i decided i'll make a post to share all my knowledge, whatever i know, sort of like a parting gift.

And this isn't going to be a beginners guide, mainly for people who need a final push, and most importantly, for emergency shifters.

Onto the questions (: Divided into categories, skip through according to your needs :)

Detachment from CR, attachment to DR:

How can i detach from my CR/attach to my DR?

Generally, detachment can be achieved by numbing your emotions in your CR. But first, I would advise you to refrain from extreme and unhealthy detachment, because you'll end up getting stuck in a endless cycle of messing up your CR and not shifting (because you'd have no control over yourself, which would lead to your subconscious getting grounded in the messed up version of your CR; assuming that unhealthy detachment is daydreaming about your DR all day without any sense of where you are, without a strong mindset, when you eventually snap back you'll think even more vividly of your CR)

But- "unhealthy" attachment can be utilised to your advantage, to shift, in a controlled manner.

Pick a day to shift, let it be a weekend. After dusk, only indulge yourself in your DR. (When you're sure you have free time and you won't be disturbed) for me, I hid under the blanket, with a fully charged phone, I spent a portion of the hours listening to subliminals, and a portion of the time scrolling through pinterest with spotify in the background (things that remind you of your DR)

I recommend listening to detachment from CR and attachment to DR subs, and if you are a permashifter, and it's your deadline, go all out.

This is my advice for detachment from CR during the day, during the method it'll be different.

How can I detach from my CR while I'm shifting? I can't divert my attention away from my CR body/mind.

I'm writing in the pov of my own method.

The only way you can let go of the CR while you're shifting is with a calm mind. If you're overthinking about how you're going to carry out your method, whether you'd wake back in your CR, you'll have trouble reaching a detached state.

To detach, first of all, make yourself comfortable, do not try to force yourself into doing something, or laying in a position which makes you uncomfortable. Next, think of thoughts which pushes your CR to the side, your CR is just another reality, and you're the creator of it, treat it like its any other pebble on the road.

Affs: (again, void reality meaning your CR)

"Void reality? Huh, can't seem to remember what that is..."

"It's so peaceful not being in the void reality, going to fix it when I eventually return from my DR" (I vividly remember saying this, if you're a permashifter, make it so it fits your situation)

"..."

(Not saying anything says a lot, fall numb to your void reality and go onto your DR)

Remember, you're not answerable to your CR, its not your boss or captor, it's actually the opposite.

To attach to your DR during the method, in the middle phase of my method, say identity affs until you feel familiarise with your DR self, think of memories, have a small conversation with your DR loved ones, do a small rewind of your DR life in your mind, so you can ground yourself. I won't be going into much details on how to shift by becoming your DR self, my first post says it all.

How to detach from CR body?

Detaching your thoughts is basically detaching your CR body, the 30 second black out state is basically a window to shifting, because when your CR shuts up for a even just a few seconds it will give you the opportunity to divert your attention to your DR, no matter how fidgety you are.

Problems faced while shifting:

Something always itches me when I try to shift, any advice?

Before you're shifting, take a look at you're environmental factors, why are you feeling itchy in the first place?

If it isn't bugs, dry skin, I recall that during the method some symptoms are just itchiness.

Say affs to block off your senses first of all, until then try to control yourself

Affs:

"I have stopped sensing my void reality (CR)"

"I have stopped hearing, feeling, seeing my void reality"

If the need gets overwhelming and you're just starting your method, make yourself comfortable and move a bit, or just itch it, you can still shift.

I always fall asleep when I try to shift, what should I do?

During the day you're going to shift, and you know you're just tired and lack sleep, take a nap during the day.

If you didn't nap, or just generally feel sleepy still, turn my method into a sleep method, by letting yourself fall asleep while you're actively acting, thinking like your DR self (you'll wake up in your DR the next day)

Sleeping is a good tool for shifting, especially if you're starting to doze off while doing your method, you can achieve other states such as sleep paralysis, lucid dreaming or mind awake body asleep state, so don't get discouraged, if you prefer awake methods, there are some subliminals you can use to stay awake.

I always fear or dread shifting while doing my method and back out at the last minute.

(Copypasted from reddit)

Familiarise yourself with your DR, it's not scary if you know where you're laying, who you are, what's next to you and who's going to be in the room.

If you already start acting like your DR self then in theory fear shouldn't be here (why would you be scared being yourself in an environment which is supposed to be familiar to you?)

It also depends upon the kind of fear

Fear of spirits snatching your soul mid shift - listen to safety and protection subliminals (no, I wasn't personally possessed by demons last minute but it will put your mind at ease)

Fear of the unknown - familiarise yourself with your DR and shifting

Fear of symptoms - don't focus on them

Just know that nothing fearful will exist as long as you don't allow it to exist, you're the creator of your reality.

Trouble focusing while shifting.

Once you're even a tad bit detached from your CR, you would have no trouble focusing, because it's only your CR body's mind which is causing you trouble, the semi-void state in my method (when you don't feel your body that much, you force yourself to not have thoughts) is all you need to do to go onto the next phase of your method, and trust me, it'll feel very easy for you.

Prior to shifting, listen to frequencies, subliminals, basically flood your subconscious with your desired affs (calm mind subs, focus subs, general shifting and void state subliminals) when you're shifting, stare at the blackness and think of it as a milky way, like you're stargazing, I don't know why but your hyperfixation allows you to focus; count to a hundred, visualise your DR memories, youll eventually reach a trance state where you're focused and ready to shift. (if you can't visualise, then think of it in the form of a story)

Misc:

For folks with ADHD:

(Copy pasted from reddit)

I'd recommend try listening to subliminal (especially bundles) when you aren't feeling like doing anything or if you think your messing up.

Also try to keep yourself as comfortable as possible, if you can distract yourself in a way you aren't attached to your CR activities, for example watching movies or shows or youtube video which require minimal effort and attention

And im saying this only if you're utilizing a single day for shifting, or practicing LOA

while doing the method, i'd try to use as less time as possible, and if you feel off, then you can open your eyes and try the method after a small break.

Can I shift to-

Yes, yes, yes. You can shift to anywhere your mind can think up of, it really is that simple. You can shift to the past, shift to prevent a certain event, you can shift to a reality with a confusing concept, you can shift to become a chair.

Did you shift to a animated DR? How was it like?

I shifted to a pokemon DR where I studied pokemons for a living, but I quickly shifted back after 2 days because I got bored.

Personally for me I get creeped out of anything that's eerie or out of the ordinary.

So basically I scripted that it'll feel normal and I wouldn't even question it.

So I didn't, and now that I think about it, everything was proper, people had noses it wad 3D and everything, so just this reality except everyone looked unnaturally good and the world's graphic were different. If the entire world looks the same then nothing feels weird.

Your opinion on clones/time period?

I don't really care about clones or what they are, mainly because I believe in the consciousness theory, and the multiverse theory is a subdivision of consciousness theory, you basically let yourself believe there is a multiverse and for that reason it exists.

So in perceptive of the multiverse theory, your "clone" is just a body, which comes under your command or control.

It can't mess up your CR life, it'll make the same choices as you like you would have made if you were present in your CR.

Personally I had scripted that when I shift back I will wake up the next morning, following the night when I was shifting.

So my "clone" was just sleeping.

Secondly, stop stressing over your clone,

It'll just do what you want it to do, or just live life how you'd normally would

If you script your clone is a superhuman for the time you're in you DR, you'll shift back to a parallel reality of your CR where a superhuman lived your life for a while, but if you want you can just shift to a better CR like I did.

...

Those are all questions that came in my mind, I tried looking back into the chats and inbox to find more commonly asked questions or something I didn't clarify in my first post but most other questions had straight forward or a clear enough answer.

I really wanted to expand this post with more sections and questions, but in my opinion my first and this post combined are a lot of their own, I think I clarified a lot.

It's been a week being on Tumblr, and I loved helping people out, everyone was kind and unique in their own ways, I looked through my followers scripts and blogs and I enjoyed everyone's dedication to shifting, and their DRs (btw, I hadn't expected to get so many follows and notes, I'm genuinely suprised even now)

It had been a lovely experience being on shiftblr, in my opinion it's the best shifting, or just generally the best community on the internet.

As much as I would like to stay and blog regularly on here, I have to go back home, I'm permashifting in (from the time this post went up) 7 hours, and this time I'm not staying, so refrain from asking me questions after that, I won't respond, but this post will still be up.

Farewell, I hope your shifting journey conclude today and each of you live happily in your DR, with your well deserved love, respect and peace.

Goodbye c:

(Within the 7 hours, I may be partially active, if there is any question that is truly different and a genuine struggle for you, inbox me, I'll try my best to answer; I may as well post my DR script in my last few hours, since some people asked, remind me if I forget; also not posting on reddit, ive already annoyed the mods so much by breaking several rules)

[buttercandy16]

In-laws

PAIRING: Dark!Agatha Harkness x Reader, Agatha Harkness x Reader x Rio Vidal

SUMMARY: In-laws are the worst and you found out the hard way.

WARNING(s): Dark themes, Non-con, and a whole lot of SMUT!

A/N: Dark themes ahead. If you find these things disturbing I strongly advice that you skip this post. Thank you!

Y/N POV 

The night's cold breeze is crisp on my face as I stand outside the balcony thinking about how perfect my wedding tomorrow will be. 

Nicky and I have been together since my parents started working for his parents. At first, I was reluctant to engage in a romantic relationship with him since in the eyes of society we were unfit for each other, but he was persistent and in the end, I let love win. I was even more thankful that his parents accepted me and my family with open arms despite our lowly status in life. 

After years of being together, we are finally making it official tomorrow as husband and wife. 

I just finished celebrating my bachelorette party earlier which was neatly organized by one of my soon-to-be mother-in-law, Agatha. While Nicky is having his bachelor's party with his set of friends. 

Everything will be perfect, for sure nothing will go wrong. 

"Excited?" I was pulled out from my thoughts when Agatha appeared by my side with a bottle of wine in hand. 

For the record, I'm currently staying at Nicky's house. Both of his mothers insisted that I stay here before the wedding and I agreed.

"Yeah, I'm so excited to get married to Nicky!" I exclaimed excitedly. 

Agatha gave me a chuckle before waving the wine bottle in front of my face. 

"Good, then we better celebrate with this." 

"Ummm... I don't want to be rude, but I'll have to decline. I don't drink alcohol, remember?"

Agatha rolled her eyes at me before she leaned in closer to my ear. 

"Oh come on, sweetheart. That was different, this one we get to enjoy all to ourselves, and I think it's about time you try right? And it's not like we're gonna get wasted, you'll be fine tomorrow. I swear." 

I suppose... 

"O--okay then, but I'll only drink one glass.”

"One glass is enough" Agatha smiled at me mischievously before slightly pushing me inside the room. 

I was a bit nervous about how she was acting, she seemed pushy. But I was fast to dismiss that thought as she filled our glasses with wine. 

She gave me mine before sitting next to me on the sofa, only an arm's length away from each other. 

"Go on" she urged playfully... 

I swirled the wine in my glass slightly before carefully putting it to my lips and tentatively sipping the liquid. I found it delicious and very cooling.

“This is delicious!" 

"Yes, simple but very soothing. Finest wine you can ever have. But, you must drink deeply for the full effect." 

I eagerly did as I was told, and Agatha seemed satisfied with this. Soon I was holding an empty glass. I had drained it and hadn't even noticed. The drink was that smooth. The only problem is that I found that I was still thirsty. 

"Could I have another, please?" I asked, her eyes glinted with something dark from my request. 

"I think that can be arranged." 

Agatha was careful to replenish my glass whenever it emptied as we talked and talked into the night. 

It was quite odd, no matter how much I drink I still feel thirsty. 

I wondered if it was starting to affect me. I noticed that the room was becoming increasingly warm. Worse, I was finding my body becoming uncomfortably warm. My face was becoming flush. My heart was beating very fast and I was practically panting, my breath had gotten so fast. I was starting to sweat inside my clothes, too. My clothes were becoming very confining. How odd, I thought. It was supposed to be a chilly evening. But now, I desire nothing more than to get out of my clothes, then I would feel so much better. 

"Have you and Nicholas done it yet?" Her question almost made me choke on my drink, her eyes never leaving mine. 

Am I hearing this right? Does she mean th--- 

She slowly traced the rim of her wineglass while looking at me curiously, "What do you mean?" I asked.

"Did you have sex yet?" 

Her question slightly took me aback but answered, nonetheless. 

"N--no, we haven't. I'm still pure" 

The moment I said pure, a shadow seems to pass on her features as the corner of her lips slightly lifted sinisterly, barely noticeable in the dark. 

But I saw it... 

She snickered under her breath as she slightly swirled the wine in her glass. 

That's when I realized that she's never touched it. Not even a single drop. 

She followed my gaze to her wine glass before catching mine. Slightly tilting her head, she then smiled knowingly. 

She knows that I've noticed. 

I was starting to feel uncomfortable from this so I decided that it was time to retire for the night. But when I stood up, I was immediately met by sudden dizziness making me sit back on the couch ungracefully. 

It felt like my innards were being replaced by some kind of emptiness. I tried to stand again, desperate to leave this room. I swayed for just a moment before Agatha caught me. There was nothing I could do now, and as I slowly slumped sideways, she gently tugged on my shoulder, causing me to lie flat, with my head on her lap. Now all I could see was my fiance's mother smiling down at me… and the world went black. 

_=_=_ 

How long I was out, I’m not sure. I opened my eyes, and it took them a moment to adjust to the light.

Something was wrong. 

My arms could not move, despite my best efforts, and the air felt rather cold on my skin. And when my eyes adjusted, I immediately saw why. My wrists had been secured firmly in two straps, on either side of my head. And the cool air on my skin was because I'm completely naked! 

I tried to scream my lungs out, to shout for help, to do anything that might get me out of this situation. But the only thing that came out was a muffled sound. That has something to do with the gag placed over my mouth. But it did draw some attention to me because a figure suddenly appeared over my vulnerable form, and when it spoke, I heard the unmistakable voice of my fiance's mother. 

"So, you're finally awake" 

"I think before you try going off on one, I should probably introduce you to a bit of "context," I think you'd call it." She reached for the table next to her and picked up a remote. She turned on the TV that was positioned just above the bed I was strapped to. "Let's just say you might want to forget about struggling when I show you this video." 

My confusion made me forget my anger, for a moment. But as the film started, and what I was watching became clear to me, my anger was replaced by shock and horror. 

It was a video of me and my co-worker Tony, sitting in my office, and him kissing me. It had been a professional meet-up, he was showing me some files that we needed to sort out before the big presentation when out of the blue he just kissed me. I froze out of shock while his lips continued to press against mine but when I finally snapped out of it I immediately pushed him off me and gave him an ear-deafening slap on the face. But that wasn't shown in the film. It was just the kiss, making it look like I did it deliberately. I remembered him looking at me in pity like he was sorry for what he did. I didn't tell anyone about it, not even Nicky. And now my soon-to-be mother-in-law possesses proof of it.

But how? Why was there a video? Based on the angle I know it was filmed from a hidden camera. Was it done intentionally? For what reason?! Was she behind it? 

If someone got hold of it, I wouldn't just get fired from fraternizing with a colleague. I would probably lose Nicky as well. 

And that scared me shitless... 

Agatha pressed another button, and the video switched off. She looked at my face, now starting to become tear-stained and the fear now plain for everyone to see. She smiled. 

"I think that expression is a good one for you," she remarked. "It makes you look so sweet and innocent." 

She leaned over and planted a kiss on my cheek. I tried to jerk away but couldn't. The kiss practically seared my skin like molten lava. 

"Now that no one is going to disturb us, how about we get some fun done?" 

Agatha then began to touch me, and that was when I started to squirm a little. She moved her arms around my body, rubbing it in a very erotic way. "Aww… such a nice body, pet! I can't help myself but touch myself thinking about you every day. And now, I can't help myself anymore." She put a hand on my knee and began to gently stroke my leg. 

"What should I do first with your body?" She ran her finger on my smooth skin, before taking the gag off my mouth. 

I gritted my teeth from both anger and sadness. "Why are you doing this?" 

"Didn't I already tell you? I want your body to be mine! We are going to have so much fun, pet. And if you disobey me, I think you already know what will happen right? Not to mention, I can get  both of your parents fired, tsk... that would be unfortunate" 

A single tear ran on my cheek and Agatha kissed it, licking the drop. I know that I have no other choice but to let things happen. I have so much to lose if she doesn't get what she wants. 

She moved around and brought our lips together in a violent kiss, forcing her tongue past my gritted teeth. She bit my bottom lip hard enough to earn a gasp, allowing her to move her tongue past the barrier. 

The tongue quickly found its way around my mouth and explored every inch it could. In parallel to that, her hands moved around and groped my breast. She slightly massaged them and pinched the erected nipples. It was not that the events made me horny. It was the cold that made my body like that. 

The kiss ended after a while, me being out of air while the older woman was looking crazier than before. She licked her lips another time before stripping her shirt, skirt, and underwear away. She moved and kneeled in front of my face, her warmth being right on top of my face. "Eat up!" She said in a commanding voice, but I hesitated. The woman gritted her teeth in anger and grabbed my hair. "I ordered you to eat up!" She forced my mouth to get in contact with her entrance. 

Out of reflex, I attempted to close my mouth, but then felt a pair of forces crushing my head from both sides as her legs pressed me. The pain was enough to make me gasp. She took the opportunity to tighten her grip on my hair and pressed me harder. 

"That's more like it!" She started to move her body up and down, making my juice splash on my face. "Now, get that tongue of yours to work baby" She ordered and once again tightened the grip, forcing me to obey her order. 

I had to stick my tongue forward, forced to have a taste of the older woman. It was sweet and I can't stop myself from moaning from the taste of her. She also moaned at the feeling of my tongue inside her and moved faster until she cummed in my mouth. 

Just as I was about to let go of a sigh, my left leg was lifted, Agatha’s right leg sliding under it. "It is not the end yet! I still have a lot of things I want to teach your body." She pushed her hip forward, making our center meet.

I can't help but admit that it started to feel so good. The pleasure coursing through my veins like a blast of adrenaline... 

She repeated to thrush several more times, bringing our center together and making them part, and then collide again. She started to moan once again as I did the same, her hands starting to play with my breast, enjoying every contact through my body. Until my second orgasm was ripped from me this evening, followed by the beautiful temptress who laid on top of me while catching her breath from her release. 

She looked down on me in complete amusement as I lay helplessly underneath her. 

Agatha kissed the tip of my nose before sliding her warm body over me to reach something on the nightstand. When I saw what it was, my eyes grew wide as saucers... 

Oh no... please no more 

"P--please... I can't. It's too much" 

I struggled with my bonds as I tried to pull myself away from her. 

"Shhhh... I know you can. Just give mommy one more baby. I just need to taste you." 

She settled herself in between my legs, parting them by force. 

She reached between my legs and pushed something. The buzzing vibrator held against my clit sped up a notch, causing my back to arch. "Oh!" I gasped, head falling back. "Oh, oh—" 

Agatha cupped my left breast and mouthed at it, kissing and licking. I didn't know where to look but into her eyes, our foreheads practically touching on the pillow. 

I'm not sure what possessed me at the moment but I was suddenly desperate to taste her lips. 

"Kiss me," I begged. "Please..." 

And she did. Soft and sweet, holding me to her. Tugging my lip with her teeth and stroking my back, my butt. She took hold of my legs, cupping the underside of my knees. Bringing my legs around her waist, she rocked against me, teasing my lip with her tongue. 

I parted my lips for her, tasting her, sighing... Jolting when she tugged on my nipple. "Oh, ow, owie—, please don't—" 

I cried out with pleasure. This was so nice; it felt so good. 

She smiled at me. “You’ve got the prettiest pussy I’ve ever seen, pet,” she said, reaching to touch me, pulling back the hood of my clit so she could rub me with her thumb. I shivered. “Look at this tiny clit. So fucking cute, and all mine…” 

She proceeded to slide down my body until she was face to face with my dripping warmth. 

I gasped when she started to lick me and felt my stomach twitch, surprised and excited at Agatha’s eagerness to please me. I felt her tongue trace the outline of my lower lips and shuddered. A moment later, the older woman finally slid her tongue over my clit, and that's when I felt my walls clenching in a sudden spasm, screaming in pure pleasure for the third time. Due to the intensity, I blacked out. 

_=_=_ 

A groan left my lips when I woke up in the middle of the night with a sore body. 

Slightly stretching, that's when I realized that I was no longer chained to the bed and I was all alone in the room. 

Seeing this as an opportunity to get the hell outta here I immediately grabbed my clothes that were placed on the vanity chair before frantically dressing. 

No longer caring if I was dressed right I immediately ran towards the door but stopped when it suddenly opened, revealing my fiance’s other mother, Rio Vidal dressed in her expensive suit. 

"Ri-rio..." 

"Sweethear, what are you doing here?" Rio asked as she curiously surveyed my disheveled form. 

"Rio, you have to help me, please" I pleaded as I went closer to her. 

"Why? What's wrong?" She asked as she gently held my arm. 

"It's A–agatha, she---" 

"Hello, my love! You're home early," My words were cut off as Agatha appeared from the bathroom only covered by a plush purple robe. "It seems you caught our little bunny trying to hop away." She smiled devilishly... 

Wha-what? 

"Which is quite fortunate, I wouldn't want to miss out" Rio chuckled darkly. "But I'm very disappointed that you started without me, my love." 

"Well, you were late. It's been so long since I wanted a taste of her. I lost all self-control the moment I had her in my grasp. But don't worry, I saved the best for you." 

My eyes widened in realization and I felt my whole body shiver in fear as I heard the door's lock click. Locking me inside with two predators hungry for my young flesh... 

Nonononono... this isn't happening... 

Tears started to fall from my eyes as Agatha walked over to me, and Rio’s hand settled over my shoulders in a tight and almost painful hold. 

Agatha looked down on me with a predatory grin before slowly tilting my chin with her finger to meet her eyes. 

It was so dark and full of lust that it felt like I was about to drown in it. 

"Do you know the real reason why we let our son be with someone as lowly as you? It's because the moment we saw you, we knew that we needed to have you. Our perfect little toy." My heart ached from her words. So after all this time, I was nothing but a fool. 

"So here's what will happen from now on, you will get married to my son tomorrow and officially become part of our family. You will be a good wife to him and grant him the children he desires. But behind closed doors, you will become our pretty little pet and cater to our needs. Do you understand?" I nodded weakly.

"But the most important thing is... Nicky must never know about this little arrangement of ours. This secret will stay with you until you reach your grave, or else... I'm pretty sure you are aware of the power that we hold Y/N, if you go against us, we will destroy you and your loved ones. Do I make myself clear?" Her grip on my chin tightened, emphasizing how serious she was. 

"Ye-yes" I stuttered through gritted teeth. 

Agatha's eyes moved from behind me as Rio pressed her lips to my ear as she whispered... 

"If you behave like a good little girl for us, we will reward you with anything you desire, aside from your freedom of course." 

"Since that's all settled then, I think it's time for the main event" 

"Wh-what would that be?" I fearfully asked. 

Agatha smiled at me before leaning in close, her lips almost touching mine. 

"We're going to take your virginity baby"

_=_=_

Please don't forget to like, repost, and leave a comment below. I love hearing other peoples thoughts about this. Also, if you have any good ideas for a Dark fanfic featuring mother agatha please do send it. Thanks! 💜

[blueberrypancakesworld]

Calming the Emperor God

Geta x wife! reader

warning : hurt/comfort, kissing, cuddling, mention of murder and sickness

Summary : Rome seemed to turn on their rulers, what Caracalla compensated with more Colosseum fighting Geta had to face reality as much as he thought he was divine, he alone couldn't control everything. The demand of his head was only the beginning as the emperor sought advice and care in the arms of his wife.

info : A work for Geta I just wanted to give him a long hug, enjoy reading ;)

masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Marriage, when you were a ruler of a empire, it was important to have a wife after your appointment, someone you loved or not, someone who could give you an heir.

He had even less regard for his father than his brother, a man driven by empathy and kindness as well as hope, a weak man whose only great deed was to father him and Caracalla with his mother, nothing else. That was the only reason for his damned father's last acts, a marriage.

A marriage three years ago, on his twentieth name day, he took her as his wife, a young lady of his own age from a noble house of the united kingdoms under Rome.

He hadn't thought much of her then, but when he looked at the sitautioon now, she was more than just his love, she was his shield, the judgement of the people and a light that all kinds of people looked up to so that the people wouldn't rise up in revolt.

She was a pillar at his side who could lead Rome, advise Caracalla and be there for him at the same time…the only thing that had not been created in all this time was an heir.

An inheritance that in theory the two emperors had in each other, but with each passing day Geta saw how bad things were for Caracalla, ,,The Holy Roman Empire will belong to the world, but three deaths would mean its end" he had said shortly after their wedding, at first still indifferent to her, even disgusted by her failure to conceive and paranoid that she would betray him.

But none of this mattered when he saw how gentle she was with his brother, how good she was at managing the senate and how understanding she was towards him every day.

,,My doubts were never about you, my husband, a marriage of the dead is beyond our influence and your circumstance worries me more than my own" she had admitted when she realised how bad things were for the emperors.

Who ruled a world empire, how easy she had had it, several siblings, no illnesses, her parents a long life and security, everything Geta and his brother didn't have.

Both had hardly received any training in warfare, politically she hardly knew what to do and they had no connection to the people.

From the moment they were born, they had already come too close to the sun and would never raise their wings again. She was a woman, a princess, aware of her role as a mother, but if she couldn't even be that, she would do anything to support her husband.

Taking her eyes from the marble floor that lay cold beneath her sandals, she looked back at her husband Geta presenting new proposals for the military, improvements and enhancements to a Senate that seemed barely interested.

They were strategies and proposals for which Geta had spent hours and nights in the library with her, he was trying so hard for his people, or at least for the world for now, the dream of a Rome that covered the world, it wasn't fair that the senate consisted only of fake snakes, but you couldn't kill them either.

No one is interested but us she thought and sat down again on Geta's throne when she heard a giggle next to her.

Caracalla was once again more than just bored by all this and began to play with his fingers, seeing that Geta gave her a quick glance and an unsaid ‘thank you darling’ seemed to come from his eyes, she rose to take care of Caracalla.

As much as the presence of both emperors was required, Caracalla was disturbed by the introduction of the laws the blond was probably about to rise herself, she put her hand on his shoulder, ,,We should leave Geta alone, how about a game?" she asked in a whisper and saw the grin widen. Already sending Caracalla forward.

She bowed to Geta who had paused in his speech, allowing everyone a brief moment to think, ,,I'm already longing for your liberating kiss of my sorrows" he murmured to her before placing a kiss on her cheek, a face with a ‘divine’ countenance looking back at her before she withdrew from the senate.

Once again, her god had to try to cope on his own, an event that occurred weekly and took its toll on him, for what was an emperor without preparation since childhood?

He was nothing.

Footsteps followed Caracalla, who was already pulling out his favourite figurines from a wicker basket, ,,The conquest of Rome with the crucifixions of the Christians!" he announced and she clapped as he told her everything in meticulous detail.

Not a game in the sense, but something amusing for him, especially when he could stab the little figures and she had to make the death noises that he always found extremely sweet, ,,Your memories are unfathomable and fascinating," she said and tapped him on the forehead.

He could hardly remember what was served for dinner yesterday, but he seemed to know such a battle going back hundreds of years completely by heart, it was the madness you couldn't control.

But that didn't matter because, apart from the battle, they played together with Dundus and in the afternoon she had to sing Caracalla a lullaby because otherwise he wouldn't go to bed, otherwise he would only cause more ‘problems’ like a small child.

One thing that hardly bothered her anymore she knew it would give Geta less to worry about and she had a few more hours of peace and quiet in which to organise her own things, ,,Sleep well little king" she whispered as she closed the door to his room and with a sigh made her way back to her own room.

Knowing that the meeting in the senate would take a long time she returned to her art of the gods, knowing that only they could help her and her family Appolo I pray to you for healing and beauty over my brother-in-law Caracalla and husband Geta she heard her own praying voice in front of her altar to Appolon the model for Geta.

In all the golden clothes he wore, even the make-up was dedicated to the god, but the gods seemed to have abandoned the brothers since the birth and not given her a blessing.

She spent the next few hours embroidering, writing and reading books, hoping to get advice from former emperors on how to cultivate fields to increase yields, which were getting lower and lower.

This was bad for the population of Rome, the army and the imperial family itself, who had to cope with all this without falling into the madness that Caracalla was making worse and worse.

The goblet of water next to her was refilled every now and then and the lamps and torches in her room were turned on by the servants when the sun had long since reached the horizon, she knew that the discussion in the Senate had to come to an end.

She was about to roll back the parchment and place it on the table when someone knocked on her door.

,,Yes?” she said, but instead of her beloved she only found a servant who bowed and replied, ,,Emperor Geta wishes to see you, he insists that you dine with him. His brother Emperor Caracalla has already been taken care of” the message read.

She sent the servant away with a wave of her hand and rose herself more hastily than she had intended and immediately headed for his chamber, which was only a corridor away.

So Caracalla is sleeping well it flashed through her mind casually as she realized that he had probably taken care of him as well. Geta was once again doing a lot more than he was supposed to, another reason why she loved him so much.

Stopping in front of the large double wooden door, the guards bowed before they opened the door for her and she was finally back with him, ,,Geta dearest I see you again,” she said happily and automatically went to the table where she had expected him to be for dinner but he wasn't there.

Turning around as she heard a sniffle she saw a golden curly head standing on the balcony, he was overlooking the city but ewa san his posture made her falter ,,Geta? Is everything alright?” she asked as she stepped out into the cool night and stood behind him, her fingers carefully resting against his back.

He was tense, trembling slightly but whether it was from the cold or the excitement she couldn't tell, ,,No one...none of these philistines listened, it led to nothing,” he finally said slowly as he turned to face her, the moon shining above him, the cold god watching over God's representation on earth.

The make-up on his face smudged, the golden light clothes wrinkled and not smooth and his blond hair completely disheveled. He did not have the madness of his brother, but as the sole ruler of an empire, such a burden lay heavily on him alone. ,,My husband, you know I couldn't be prouder, don't you?” she asked the superfluous question but knew he needed it.

The next moment he turned to her with a sigh and grasped her hands, she could see the watery eyes even in the faint moonlight, ,,The feelings are the same...but an emperor without his senate only with enemies and no support as it seems...is neither god nor man he is nothing” he finally spoke the truth and embraced her a little more strongly, slightly painfully and yet seeking help.

She understood him, understood him from the bottom of her heart, a pain, a helplessness she knew only too well.

Putting her hand on his cheek and looking at him for a moment, he entangled her in a kiss, she felt his hand at her side running over her hip, ,,Love you” she heard the murmured words as they broke away, as this wonderful fallen god looked at her so full of grace and love.

Her heart was bound with his as the brass rings made a soft muffled sound as their hands met again, the small smile on the god's lips as he looked at his love.

,,You are the most important thing to me and to Caracalla and I as your beloved swear to you that this will not be the end,” she assured him and saw the love that showed in the darkly painted eyes.

She saw him look away at Rome, the city behind him, his home and the empire that belonged to him, saw the nod, heard the intake of breath as he pulled her into another kiss. he may be destitute but he would never lose his family, his love, Geta knew that.

,,We'll show them together," he promised and led her next to him, leaving his hand linked with hers and seeming to promise her not only Rome, but the whole world, because together the imperial family of Rome would be able to do anything.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@potatoesenpaii , @thatnerdliv , @scorpiongirlsthings , @pxnx-kk

@the-a-word-2214 , @peakygirl1919 , @k-yurieee

[hwnglx]

pick a pile - what impression do people have of you?

i'm already back with another pac! let's see what impression people have of you, or what they think of you. breathe slowly, take your time and use your intuition to go with the pile that speaks to you the most. take what resonates, leave what doesn't. 𓆩♡𓆪

pile 1 ❥

hi lovely pile 1 person! you seem to have a harmonious and cooperative impression on people. they might think that you're good at matching yourself to others, good at compromising, just pleasant to be with. they enjoy being around you because you usually don't (at least not intentionally!) overpower people, and prefer not disturbing the peace. and although you don't always feel the need to put yourself above anyone; there still is a quiet sense of confidence within you. you do have quite a strong impression and presence. you're someone who's always seeking to find your very own inner calling, and might be much more self-focused than what meets the eye at first. you just have this nice balance between, not overstepping any lines, understanding the value of harmony between the people you're with (i do think you want to be liked by them!) but also being sure of what you yourself want and need in life, and what you have to do to get it. people might notice that in you. you can have an abundance of energy and passion for the things you feel enthusiastic about.

in addition to that, people seem to acknowledge you being a wise soul, who has gone through their fair share of cycles in life, including difficulties, and therefore has developed a more quiet but powerful inner strength.

they also might think of you as someone who does not shy away from actively speaking their mind once they feel strongly about something. it's giving this usually peaceful and balanced person, who'll transform into a much more direct and straightforward person once a subject is important to them. like you can talkkk, pile 1 person. i just keep hearing you talk haha.. i can see some people being quite surprised over how assertive you can actually be once your opinion is provoked. they might think that you have much more masculine, dominant and assertive energy than one would expect at first glance.

pile 2 ❥

hi lovely pile 2 person! you seem quite youthful in energy. maybe you're someone who always approaches life in a curious manner, always eager to learn and explore different aspects of life; which might be something others notice about you too. they think you're humble, usually more reserved, and very observant. like you have a good eye for things, notice the small details about people, and are always listening and in tune with the people around you. people might also see you as someone who, despite normally being quite grounded, stable and down to earth, does absolutely not shy away from defending themselves if someone manages to come at you. i personally wouldn't want to rub you the wrong way. it's giving “i'm usually nice and chill, laidback.. i just quietly watch everyone, but best believe if you provoke me, you will see a different side of me.” people might think of you as someone with a quick wit and fast-thinking, and a good speaker. like you might talk a lot once you start lmao. a person who's good at asserting their opinion in an impactful and strong manner.

they might also view you as someone who's quite knowledgable, and does have much more inner wisdom than one would expect from your potentially more youthful appearance or aura. it's like you're a young-looking person with a soul much older than what meets the eye. people might be impressed by the good advice you can give to them, and how capable you are of having deep and meaningful conversations about life. you might have a bit of a philosophical vein in you. yet there also is this freedom-loving and free-spirired side to you, where people might think that you usually just don't enjoy being restricted. they might see you as a person who prefers focusing on their own desires and wishes, and enjoys feeling like you aren't tied to anyone or anything in life. you also enjoy having fun, letting lose; not always taking life too seriously. people truly seem to notice this nice balance between youthful and lighthearted, but also mature and grown-up energy within you. i feel like you'd be a great friend to have, actually!

pile 3 ❥

hi lovely pile 3 person! you seem like such a sweetheart, my god. my heart kinda melted right here and there. are you an everybody's darling? i feel like you might have some significant water placements, considering the abundance of cups i got. or maybe you're just very emotional, do you cry easily? i feel like you might get sappy and sentimental about little things, like movies. people around you seem to genuinely enjoy your company, because you're just a joy to be with. you have this nice combination of, knowing how to have fun and enjoy a good time with groups of people, maybe you like going to parties sometimes, but also being excellent at creating special 1:1 connections to others.

they might see you as a person who's able to connect to the people around you in this profound, meaningful and deep manner, where they just feel understood, cared about and listened to when they're with you. when you love someone, you love them with your entire soul. you also might have very non-judgemental, nurturing and caring energy, which people around you appear to be very appreciative of. they also seem to think that you are very beautiful and in tune with your feminine qualities, you might enjoy taking care of the people you love and cherish. people might see you as someone pretty emotional and sensitive too, a kind-natured and loving person who wears their heart of gold on their sleeve. maybe you enjoy cooking, or doing something creatively. in addition, people might just think you're immensely charming (i feel like you might have a charming laugh or smile) and have this dreamy and lovely energy. people think that you're someone who loves the beautiful and aesthetic things in life, maybe you love the idea of love, and are quite a hopeless romantic at heart.

however, they might also notice that you can absolutely be more dominant at times, especially when it comes to your career, work or finances. they likely see you as quite reliable, someone who's stable and dependable when the situation calls for it, and values financial security and safety. someone who can definitely tap into their more “masculine” energy if they feel the need to. they might think that regardless of your usually emotional and soft-hearted nature, you have a strong sense of responsibility and put importance into making sure you stick by the things you say, and keep your promises.

pile 4 ❥

hi lovely pile 4 person! so, as soon as i drew the first card i did hear “pick me”, so maybe people see you as someone who can give off pick me energy. although i have to say, you might be a person who's quite misunderstood and unfairly perceived in some ways. a lot of people might have the impression that you're often overly eager to stand out, maybe a bit of an attention-seeker, though this might just come to you quite naturally. like.. it ain't your fault you're unique, jeez. ㅜ.ㅜ

you seem like an interesting, smart and clever person, who might have a melodic voice, and just speaks in this eloquent and intriguing way. you also might struggle with having a sensitive and emotional heart deep down. do you feel like people often come to you with a false prejudice set in place, and misjudge you for that reason? some people might not see you for the sweet and soft person you actually are. they might not approach you as comfortably, although you absolutely are a genuine sweetheart to the people you are close to and on good terms with. those people might recognise you for your at times youthful, dreamy and lovely energy.

you might give off the energy of a person who appears a little cold, but actually has a vast emotional inner world. some people might also view you as someone who can appear quite guarded and closed off, just because you've been through a lot and don't enjoy putting yourself into a vulnerable place anymore. it truly feels like you've been through a good amount of difficult times in your life, in which people saw you as an easy target and you received some undeserved attacks; which as a result, has made you more wary and careful around people. you might have your walls up a lot of the time, in order to protect that continuously impressionable heart of yours.

i kinda felt for this pile, so i just want to say; don't let anyone tell you you're something you're not! easier said than done but.. try to protect your inner softness, and don't allow people to turn you bitter. you seem to have a genuinely sweet interior, and the people who truly know you, seem very appreciative of it. so don't be swayed by the other people, embrace your true inner nature and try to accept and love yourself for who you are. i feel like you might get impacted by external opinions more than you'd like to admit, but 99% of those opinions are superficial and subjective, and not genuinely representative of your true qualities. stray strong, dear fighter <3

[buckevantommy]

Everyone's always telling Buck what he should do. Okay, sometimes he did ask for their advice, but every piece of advice he's followed through on lately has ended badly and everything they tell him to do he doesn't actually want to do.

He should want to do something if it's supposed to make him feel better, if it's supposed to be better for him, right?

Josh told him to bulldoze ahead and tell Tommy what he wanted. Tommy told him to re-enact his Buck 1.0 days and spend time with some indeterminate amount of people until he finds someone forever. Maddie and Chim told him to start dating again and also wait for the universe to bring him someone special; another someone. Hen and Eddie told him not to contact Tommy.

He doesn't want to do any of that! He wants to talk to Tommy, to see him, to get Tommy to talk to him instead of giving up on them and running away because he's scared. He wants to tell Tommy he loves him. He wants Tommy to know first and last aren't mutually exclusive. He wants to yell at Tommy, and kiss him, and hold him. He wants Tommy to apologise for breaking his heart and for being a dumbass. He wants Tommy to believe him when he says he won't do the same; well, he might be a dumbass sometimes - but he would never break Tommy’s heart. He wants to apologise for jumping ahead but also not have to apologise for wanting a life with Tommy or for being too much.

Since that first night Tommy kissed him, he's felt reborn. Not in some starry-eyed way that Tommy seems to think is fake and won't last, but in the way that he's shed the skin of past Buck upgrades and finally grown into his body, become comfortable in who he is instead of trying to fit a facade that other people would accept. Always too big, too much, not enough, never content to just sit in his self and be without his worries and insecurities moulding him into something else, something with a better chance of getting people to like him, love him, stay with him. 

He’s never felt more himself or more at ease in a relationship that meant something to him than he did with Tommy. Never felt more wholly seen - the good, the bad, and the too-much and not enough - by his partner and adored anyway, wanted anyway.

Halfway through making swiss meringue buttercream instead of breakfast, he realises he's thinking about Tommy. His coping skill, as Bobby called it, has stopped working.

There's butter and sugar in the creases of his hands and nailbeds even after he hurriedly wipes them with the dishcloth over his shoulder. He can see it as he scoops up his phone from the charger and thumbs over to his message thread with Tommy, leaving greasy crumby residue on the screen.

i saw you bubbling

After it happened, after the Chief distracted everyone enough for him to grab his phone and retreat somewhere he wouldn't be disturbed, he'd stared at the space where the unsent message had appeared for twenty minutes waiting for the type bubble to reappear. Waiting for Tommy to hit send on whatever he'd backtyped.

Buck's mind had spiralled with all the possibilities and while it spiralled and he stared and waited he never got around to actually calling or texting Tommy himself. And then the bell rang.

He has time, now. He has things he wants to say.

you were going to tell me something an maybe i wont like what it was but just knowing you almost reached out is kinda driving me crazy bc i have a fridge full of baked goods bc everytime i think about calling you i bake and now i havnt cooked a proper meal in my own place in over a week bc i dont have room in my damn fridge to store anything besides chocholate chip bananan bread and baked alaskas

He wants to say: and it's all your fault! but that's not the whole truth. Buck played his part in this, set the wheels in motion that drove Tommy away from him. But how the hell was he supposed to know that? And Tommy should've known by now he doesn't really do 'slow'.

i'm not sorry for being too much bc i shouldnt haveto apologize for being myself

Screw it. Can't get any worse, right? Tommy's getting all of him whether he likes it or not.

i dont see you as some queer life coach or someone to fill space until someon else comes along

thats not who i am

i thought you knew me better than that but whatevr ig

i wanted to live with you bc i want a life with you bc i love you

i love you

i shouldve said that first

Send after send, typing like a man possessed, he gets out everything that's been pent up inside him since the shock wore off a week ago.

His chest is heaving as the adrenaline rushes through his veins. And his eyes sting. He has to blink away tears as he reads over the last message.

He never told Tommy. Tommy doesn't know. Maybe Buck wasn't sure that night Josh asked him, but he knows it now.

i wanted you to be my last

He still does.

i wanna hate you for giving up on us

but i cant seem to hate you

This whole thing would hurt a lot less if he could just hate Tommy for what he did. It would hurt a lot less if they could find a way through this mess, together, and come out the other side stronger because they know each other better and know they want to fight for what they have.

Real love is worth fighting for. Red taught him that. Real love isn’t found, it’s made. Old gay Thomas taught him that.

Well, Buck found Tommy. Or, the universe did. And he’s going to fight, dammit, because he wants to build a future with Tommy. 

His vision has blurred with hot tears. Movement on his screen catches his attention from where his gaze had drifted over to the couch where Tommy had stayed to take care of him through his Billy Boils saga.

Tommy is bubbling him.

Buck’s heart lurches in his chest. His breath catches.

can we talk?

There’s a huff of something like manic laughter as he swipes at his snotty nose.

that’s what i typed

Hope blooms in his chest, sudden and bright and painful in the best way.  

can we?

I think I owe it to you to yell at me in person

There’s a long moment where Buck tries to return his breathing to normal but its bated as he watches three little dots appear, then disappear. 

Then reappear. 

Then disappear.

Then:

I don’t want to give up on us either

Buck’s tears are still making his vision watery, but now they’re tears of joy. He did what he wanted to do - he reached out. And Tommy heard him.

He should take his own advice more often.

[shadesoflsk]

YOUR? OUR MARGARET

PAIRING: Leon Kennedy x Single mom!reader

SUMMARY: Life slowed down when Leon first saw those tiny rays of sunlight. But he didn't think he would fall in love with the whole sun. Or: Leon falls in love with a single mother.

WARNINGS: Brief mentions of alcohol, government, leon's traumas, love confessions, Leon is a bit insecure and awkward but he's also a sweetheart and has a soft spot for kids, cheesy and corny type of love, this is just fluff believe me!

WORD COUNT: 4.5k

AUTHOR'S NOTE: If I had a nickel for every time I've written about Leon's transition from vendetta to death island I would have two which it isn't a lot but it's funny it happened twice. If you wish to know what song Leon played this is the one I had in mind. As always, I hope you like it. This is my Valentine's Day fic for today!

MY MASTERLIST

Gruesome scenarios and depressive states of mind have tainted Leon's path in life. However, the grizzled and gloomy agent has had a rather rough patch this last year in which he was left alone to die in his own sorrow—Raccoon City, Spain, China and his already-known addiction took a toll on him.

He doesn't have anyone to blame, nor does he want to. Yeah, he could blame the government for stripping him of his innocence and his genuine wish to help people but he felt like he had failed his nation, not the DSO, not the FBI, just him.

Behind closed doors, in the white house and for everyone else he's Agent Leon Kennedy, Mr. Kennedy, and if someone were to ask the president he'd say he's the most trusted weapon the country has. 

He has grown accustomed. His shield has hardened to the point he's numb to most things he should find disturbing or annoying yet he couldn’t help but wish someone would see him the way he really is. 

A bittersweet feeling grew in Leon’s system. Alcohol no longer brought the same dull sensation that’d put him to sleep even in the loudest and sleazy bar. So, slowly he grew out of his addiction. Not alone, though. Alongside him were a couple of therapists which he reluctantly confided in. Not because he didn’t believe in mental health, but because he thought it wasn’t for him.

Also, his friends made his life a bit better. Spare the man the embarrassment, but friendship does indeed make you see the world more colorfully. It was nice hearing his name slip out of his friends' lips. Leon, Leon! Aww, Leon. 

However, life didn’t prepare him for the moment his name was replaced by a:

Dada.

Therapists had told him he should look for a hobby, something that’d fill those moments where boredom or monotony would push him to fall back into his deadly addictions. And he completely understood, he ought to follow the experts’ advice in order to actually improve.

It was rather easier, he was not a complicated man. 

Even before the Raccoon City incident, he loved exercising. Whether it was lifting weights, cycling, or plain running he’d always be found doing something. The mere thought of just lying in bed was something he’d never engage in, especially not now that he’s getting better. 

So, he combined two things. One he was familiar with and a second one he hasn’t been able to really connect with: nature. 

Near his current apartment, there was a small park in which he goes jogging. Usually, his schedule would only allow him to go there in the early hours of the morning where the only people he’d find were retired grandparents who danced to some Spanish music he couldn’t understand.

Peaceful, he liked it. 

But when he was getting used to his daily morning jogging, a call from work told him they needed him ASAP. So, his little detoxicating activity would be postponed to the afternoon. 

After dealing with the usual stress from work, calls from Hunnigan, and a rather bothersome headache, he got to his apartment and decided to get ready and not skip his so-needed jogging. 

The afternoon sky was painted with a hue of blue mixing with the slightest orange color, the gentle breeze hitting Leon’s face as he jogged around the park. His tempo never missed a beat not even after an hour or so between his physical training and some pauses. Sweat fell from his forehead and onto the ground with each step he took, meaning that he was reaching exhaustion.

At last, he found solace under a tree that cast a shadow, perfect for Leon to catch his breath. Closing his eyes, he let his lungs inhale as much air as they could.

His peaceful moment was broken when a tiny voice called out for him. Or rather, mistaken him for someone else.

“Dada!” A little girl came walking to where he was seated, wobbly steps trying to reach him. 

“Margaret!” You appeared out of nowhere before the toddler could reach and hug the stranger. The giggling and excited kid seemed to have heard “run faster” by the way she didn’t stop at your call.

A hint of confusion washed over Leon as he watched the scene develop with rather curious eyes. A mop of curly hair running away from your grasp. The white dress turned into a slightly brown color, Leon guessed the child must have been playing in the dirt.

And then a glimpse of a faint smile replaced his previous bewilderment as his eyes fell on you. As you tried catching your daughter, he observed her antics and your patience. 

Finally, your hands lifted the little one as her tiny legs kicked in the air, ready to run in the air. 

You fixed Margaret’s dress and messy hair while her bright eyes continued being focused on the man sitting on the grass. Her hands doing the typical “grabby” motion to Leon. Sighing in defeat, you spoke to the man.

“Sorry, don’t know what happened.” You sheepishly said as you offered the man an apology for your daughter’s previous mischievous actions. “She usually doesn’t call random people dada I assure you.”

“She gave me quite the scare.” Leon chuckled as he got up from the grass. “My past actions flashed before my eyes.” 

“As I said, I’m sorry.” You repeated your words while your daughter tried wriggling her way out of your arms. When she saw that her mother’s grip wasn’t budging, she took matters into her own hands.

She started crying.

You weren’t letting your daughter play with a stranger, that much you knew. 

“My name’s Leon, by the way.” Leon said, extending his arm, but he pulled back as soon as he saw that you were too busy handling the tantrum your daughter was having. 

You told Leon your name which easily fell from his lips to confirm he heard you well. “Do you normally come here?” You asked.

“Yes, but just in the mornings.” He responded, watching the little one pouting. “Something came out today so duty called. Cops don’t rest.”

“Wait, Are you a cop?” You seemed to relax at the revelation and he couldn’t help but get a Deja Vu from this little interaction. A friend of his asked him the same question, but at least now he wasn’t surrounded by zombies.

“A cop…” A whisper came out from Leon’s lips, a playful yet gentle smile formed on his face. “Kinda.”

“I’ll assume you’re way more important than that.” You adjusted Margaret in your arms when she finally calmed. Although she kept on staring at Leon, her bright eyes focused on him. “Because if you were indeed a cop or a chief you’d be puffing your chest out.”

“Are they always like that?” He acted surprised.

“Here, in New York? I don’t know… you tell me.”

It’s been a while since he last spoke with someone this freely. Surely he has talked with his friends a lot. But they were people he had previously known and shared the same past as him, a connection to the outside world seemed impossible and even greedy in a way.

Soon, both of you found yourselves unable to stop talking, even Margaret chirped from time to time, making her opinion loud and clear. He got to know a bit about you, and you got to know little fragments of his life. The ones who wouldn’t lead him to share more than necessary, obviously.

Despite the rough exterior, his constant frowning stopped as a soft expression replaced it. Margaret's chubby hands absentmindedly held one of Leon’s fingers as he spoke with you, blabbering and being overjoyed by his presence. 

However, her cheerful mood slowly turned sour as soon as she got hungry. Glassy eyes and sobs warned you that the conversation would come to an end.

“Yup, I gotta go.” You murmured trying not to bring more stress to your already distressed baby. “It was nice talking to you.”

“Likewise.” Leon kept his hands in his pockets, unable to come up with anything else. He wanted to say that perhaps they could repeat this. But then again, he’s been so deprived of normal social interactions that he no longer knows if that would sound creepy. 

“Have a good night.” He decided it would be the wisest thing to do. He watched your soft expression as you took your little girl’s hand and waved goodbye. 

Ever since that little interaction, his schedule changed. His morning routine was long forgotten. An excuse was made, something between the lines that his shift changed so he has to work in the mornings. 

And he was delighted to spend time with both of you. The highlights of his whole day would be getting to hear about you and Margaret. 

Each day that passed meant new memories being made. From the way he got to know Margaret’s favorite ice cream flavor to your childhood dreams. Every detail mattered for him because he could now see how simple life could be.

He took—both of you mostly— on little dates. Let it be to try a new cafeteria near the park, drinking an americano while Margaret drank from her sippy cut which was filled with chocolate milk. 

However, there were times in which Margaret would stay with a friend of yours. Allowing you to be alone with Leon. And while he appreciates the joy and happiness your daughter brought, he also loved the moments in which he could focus just on you. 

Sadly, years of training didn’t prepare him to man up and make the first move. When he thought he would brush away every insecurity and second guesses, something would come up. 

He wanted to grab your hand, the waiter would come at the worst time. He wants to compliment you, he'd almost choke with his own saliva. He wanted to give you a goodbye kiss after driving you home, someone would call him.

It was as if the universe was against him.

Thankfully, you had picked up those hints. And if Leon wasn't the luckiest man out there, you can help him in his predicament.

On a usual afternoon, as Margaret played with the leaves that had fallen from the trees, you shot him a question.

“Would you like to have dinner with me?”

“Huh? Yes, it sounds nice.” Leon absentmindedly replied, thinking it would be like the rest of your dates.

“I mean… In my house. I don't think I've invited you yet.”

In the meantime, Margaret had grabbed some leaves which she placed on Leon's hair. The man didn't even react to it, already used to her antics.

“I wouldn't like to intrude.”

“You wouldn't. See it as a friendly meeting.”

Friendly meeting, of course. He couldn’t be so selfish.

“If you insist.” He says as the little one giggles, her smile just showing two teeth. “When would it be?”

“Are you free this 14th?” 

He nods, he doesn't even remember if he's in fact free. But he'd make time. 

Besides, who works on Valentine’s Day?

     ⊹˚₊‧───────────────‧₊˚⊹

He wishes he would've realized about the implications of the day sooner.

The other dates have been nothing but platonic. Of course he had been nervous, biting his nails to the point where had to put on clear nail polish. 

But this one is for Valentine's Day. Day where people confess their love in dramatic ways. Some lucky people even propose on this date. 

Leon has been out of the dating game for years. He believes he'll mess it up somehow, especially as he sees the reflection of himself in the mirror. 

Of course, he knows he's getting better. But his appearance tells everyone otherwise. His hair continues being dark, a big contrast from his past self whose blond hair would be the talk of some people.

The palm of his hand brushes over his stubble cheek. The sensation of those tiny hairs is similar to blades. He looks at his watch, there is no time to shave. The last thing he wanted was to be late on his first date.

He sighs and walks toward the table, on top of it are two bouquets. One has multiple red and pink roses, that one is for you. The other one consists of a single white rose, for Margaret. Even if he has forgotten the basics of dating, he wouldn’t go empty-handed to your home.

The drive to your house isn’t an easy one. Not because he lacked driving skills, he is pretty much proud of how well he could drive when he is not facing life-or-death situations. 

He takes his car, just for today. He knows he has to be himself and show you his love for bikes. But he would be lying if he wasn’t a tad scared about coming to your house driving his usual motorbike. What would you think? Surely you’d dump him for risking his life or something like that.

But he is so damned anxious. He turns on the radio, trying to muffle his thoughts but the first thing that comes up is a Valentine's Day advertisement. ‘Don’t mess up your date today! Try our newest product and—’ He’s trying, he doesn’t know what the ad is talking about but he needs no product for this date to be a success.

He turns off the stupid machine. After all, today’s music sucks. Nothing personal, he just doesn’t like it. He’d prefer if the radio played real music. Some Deftones and Korn would do. 

But right now he’d dance to anything. Valentine’s Day, after all, should be a romantic getaway from the normalcy of life. Even though years had made him a corny individual, if it’s with you, romanticism should never die.

He’s rambling, his head is a mess. He sees himself slow dancing with you, Somethin’ Stupid playing in the background. He foresees a future in which he could paint next to your daughter, suns and trees never looked so pretty as he imagines that scenario. 

Dating you would come with the whole pack, he knows well. But even at his age, he still feels like a broken child whenever he sees himself in the mirror. Memories of his innocence being stripped away of him and his present still clinging on to the faint threads of hope. 

So that’s why he made the promise of taking this relationship seriously. No matter if you end up being nothing more than friends. People often say that you just know when you meet the one. And he saw the beacons of lights announcing the whole sun when he met you and your little one.

Eventually, he reaches your home. Double-checking the address you had previously sent him over text, he confirms this is the place you live in. A modest house, enough for you and Margaret. 

He switches off the engine and takes out the key from the ignition. Placing his hands one last time on the steering wheel, he takes a deep breath, mentally preparing himself. And with a newfound conviction, he grabs the two bouquets and gets out of the car.

When he walks towards the door, he immediately knocks. If he dared to wait just a second just to calm his anxiety, he’d spend at least 5 minutes staring at the wooden material. So, he sacrifices that priceless time in order to face reality.

A ‘coming’ is heard by Leon a few seconds after he knocks. Eventually, the front door opens and you welcome him with Margaret in your arms. “Hey.” You greet him, Margaret doing the same as she waves her hand.

“Hey, you two.” Leon says with a warm smile, trying to hold back the fact that there hasn’t been a better image than this. “I couldn’t come empty-handed to your house so I took the liberty to bring you these.”

Leon then hands you the bouquets he had brought—the bigger one for you, and the smaller one with a single rose for Margaret. 

“Are these for me?” A dumb question, of course. But there’s no harm to ask and surely it would get a nice reply from Leon who has been dancing around the idea of flirting with you. Too scared to come off as awkward and silly.

“I don’t see another pretty woman around here.” It slips so smoothly out of his lips. Leon Kennedy, you still got it, he mentally praises himself. 

“Yeah, right.” You roll your eyes, satisfied with the answer you received. “Please, come in.”

Leon nods and enters your house. The living room was nicely organized, and the way some toys blended in with the decoration brought a smile to his face. The perfect balance between the sober expected room with the colorful and childish playthings.

You set Margaret on the floor not before giving her the rose Leon gifted her. She absentmindedly walks toward the couch and sits down to inspect what an amazing thing the funny man brought.

“Well, looks like she likes them.” Leon hums as he watches how Margaret starts happily tearing the flower into tiny pieces. Her antics filling Leon’s heart, he could get used to this feeling.

He wants to.

“Yup, definitely.” And your eyes meet Leon’s, his piercing blue eyes are not cold as he often thinks. They remind you of the beach sea, of the gentle waves and the gentleness they carry. 

And he sees himself in yours. In your eyes, he isn’t a cold and depressed agent who is fighting off the odds. He admires the man he’s becoming. The man who despite everything he has experienced, wants to do better.

“I haven’t told you yet but…” Leon trails off as he gathers the courage to do this simple yet nerve-wracking action. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

He grabs your hand and brings it to his lips. Without breaking eye contact, he kisses your knuckles. A gentleman through and through. If he could win your heart, he’d do anything to protect both of you.

Although he was lying, even if he weren’t to win you over, you have already gained a friend who would literally save the world for you to live in with your most beautiful miracle. 

“You’re sappy.” You shake your head laughing, but you don’t push Leon away. In a way, your teasing comes off as a thank you. 

“And you break my heart.” He chuckles, letting go of your hand which falls to your side.

As it does, your eyes fall on Margaret. While she continues playing with torn pieces of the flower, you see her head swaying slowly from side to side, as if fighting off sleep. 

“It’s nap time for little Margaret.” You break the silence as you walk toward Margaret whose tiny fingers still try to tear up the already destroyed rose. 

You pick up Margaret and with the way she isn't getting fuzzy, your assumption was correct. She is fighting against Morpheus, sadly losing.

You glance at Leon who is standing in the same place you left him. Admiring the scene of you carrying your daughter. 

“Would you like to help me?” You murmur. 

Of course he does, he wants nothing more but to embark on this new life. He has seen so much horror and for once, he wants to indulge in this domestic dream of his.

“If you let me.”

Humble, timid, and definitely not showing how enthusiastic he was about helping you. 

You nod and guide him upstairs. Margaret’s room was just next to yours, even though you prefer to sleep with her, still too nervous about her getting tangled in her own blankets.

As both of you reach the room, shades of pink and white greet Leon. Some toys are scattered around the floor too. Proof of Margaret’s wholesome behavior. 

Margaret shifts in your arms, her previous peaceful demeanor changing given the frustration of not falling asleep yet. She is pretty much easy to handle when nap time comes, but today is one of those days.

“You told me I could help.” Leon's hushed voice reaches you. His eyes express the need to assist you in a task like this. 

“Sure…” Your heart flutters as Leon steps up to help you. You indeed asked him if he wanted to come with you. But the fact he had so eagerly accepted the role made you appreciate him even more.

If that was even possible.

As Margaret starts letting out soft cries, you hand her to Leon who is quick to catch her. At first, Margaret is held rather awkwardly which brings a smile to your face before her cries get really serious.

You help Leon by moving his hand. That gains a quiet ‘ok ok’ meaning that he got the hang of it. 

He positions Margaret on his chest, her face seeking the crook of his neck as she continues letting out tiny sobs. With his hand supporting his back, he rocks her.

If anyone were to see him, they'd think he's a father holding his daughter. But in his mind, he's holding your world, his world. 

Oblivious to it, Leon started humming a song. He doesn’t know where he had heard it before. Maybe it came from his mother, a memory he thought was deeply buried in his mind.

Eventually, your baby falls asleep which definitely boosts Leon’s mood as she grins. He's built for this! He thinks.

He lays Margaret in her crib. The little one breathes slowly as she drifts off to dreamland.

Both of you slowly and quietly walk out of the room making sure not to make any loud noise and wake the sleeping princess. 

As you slowly descend from the stairs and are once again in the living room, Leon’s mind is filled with expectations.

What's next?

What is he supposed to do now? 

As if on cue, your words break the silence.

“I forgot to order the food.” You sheepishly admit as you nervously laugh. Between cleaning the house before Leon came and taking care of a toddler the fact that a dinner without food wouldn't be a dinner slipped out of your mind.

“I'll do it right now just give me a second to search for this one restau—”

“Hey, it's okay.” Leon reaches for your arm before you can walk toward where the phone is. He takes this opportunity to do all the things he has wanted to do with you. To accomplish each one of those silly yet endearing wishes of his.

“Besides… this is a great excuse for us to bond more.”

He lets go of your arm but instead, his hand takes out his cellphone. Your eyes curiously watch as he types something.

For a moment, Leon doesn't utter a word and you can see how his fingers are slightly shaking.

Leon looks up from the phone and gives you a gentle smile before he sets the phone aside. After a couple of seconds, the slow and wistful chords of a piano announce the beginning of a song.

“May I have this dance?” Leon extends his hand toward you. 

You opt to accept his hand. In the back of your mind, you wanted to tease him one more time. Just like you did when he told you happy Valentine’s. But you feel this is way more important than those simple words.

As your hand locks with his, he pulls you closer to his body. His free arm finds its home in your lower back, not too low to keep it PG and not to discomfort you in this intimate dance.

Letting him guide you, you sway from side to side. His past self wouldn't have imagined that he could reach this level of serenity and tranquility. The simple thought of having a family was like a faraway dream.

Your head rests comfortably on Leon's shoulder, the scent of his cologne being your new favorite aroma. The one that brings you memories from the time you met him to all the dates you had that led to this very moment.

The song continues its course, and the outside world is forgotten for a moment. No words are exchanged as both of you drown in the homely feeling of dancing in each other's arms.

After a while, without lifting his head and allowing his lips to ever so slightly graze against your ears, Leon's voice cut through the peaceful melody.

“Let me in.” He whispers, his hands ever so slightly tightening around your middle section. His words brush against your ear like the soft melody that plays in the background. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Let me in, in your life. I don’t want to ask you to just be your partner.” The weight and truth of his statement turn your head in a messy place. “I want to be part of your life and Margaret’s.”

He wants to stick around, he wants to be greeted by you and Margaret each time he comes back from a mission. He wants to give Margaret the childhood he never had. And, he wants to fulfill every little dream you and he may have. 

“I want to wake up next to you each morning. To Margaret telling us she's hungry in her own way.” He's always been a man of few words, but in this moment he could recite the whole bible if he wanted. 

“I want to put Margaret to sleep every day just like I did today. And I want to sleep next to you every night, knowing that you're safe.”

“I don't want you to be a memory.” His lips move to the side of your face, daring to kiss your cheeks in a sweet manner. “I want you to be my whole life.”

Smoothly and with ease, his words fall from his lips while his tempo never falters. His thumb now softly rubs your skin, where his hand is located to support your back in the dance.

He'd want to take pride and tell you he's that good with words. However, many times he has rehearsed this speech that if he had stumbled on his words he'd have let the earth swallow him.

And as the song came to an end, so did Leon’s confession. 

A few seconds of silence create the worst nightmare in Leon's imagination. He could already hear your words telling him you don't feel the same that you're already in love with someone else or—

Your knuckles caress Leon’s face, feeling the growing stubble on his cheek and jaw. The sensation of being touched like this has been a long-distance memory that he's completely forgotten what being loved felt like.

He now feels both of your hands cupping his face, prompting him to look you in the eyes. His blue eyes lock with yours and admire the softest of expressions drawn on your face.

As he gazes into you, he can only think how in love he is. And what a good life awaits for him.

And what feels like both an eternity and a split second, your lips connect with his in a tender yet meaningful kiss. One that he's been expecting after all this time.

The one is indeed not a myth.

AUTHOR'S NOTE 2: I had so much fun writing this. There's something about found family that makes me all soft and sappy lmao. And sorry if my despiction about cops is wrong... I've never set foot in the US so spare your writer the embarrassment. Anyway, I hope you all have a beautiful day! No matter if you spend it with your lover, friends or alone. (Dividers are from: @/cafekitsune)

💬 SHADESOFLSK: Comments, reblogs and likes are very much appreciated.

[martian-astro10]

Solar return observations- Part 5

If you have Saturn in 12th then sleep well, that is....if you manage to fall asleep in the first place. (I have it this year and IT SUCKS, I have literally not been able to sleep, I've tried every single tea, every meditation, white noises, NOTHING WORKS, I also have mars in 12th, so I'm just fucking tired the whole time)

North node in 2nd is an indication that you'll start earning money for the very first time in your life, it doesn't have to be a full time job (I have seen this a lot of times when a person starts working for the first time, like a part time job or something. You get to experience what it's like to have "your" money)

I'm pretty sure that an astrologer has already said this, but I don't remember who, so I'll say it again, Uranus in 3rd means getting a new cycle, bike or car, basically anything that helps you with short distance travelling. (One of my friends have it this year and he already had a cycle but it got stolen and he just decided to buy a car, since he has money saved up for one)

This is very specific, but if you have Jupiter in 9th/ 11th then GO GET THAT RECOMMENDATION LETTER. (If you are graduating or planning to get a new job, this year is good for that. The years in which my sister, my friends or I have had this, our teachers, bosses or colleagues were SO impressed with us and we got really good reference letters, we slayed so hard in those years)

Vertex in 6th can be a VERY busy and exhausting year. Too many responsibilities and not enough knowledge of how to deal with them. (I had this the year in which I started living alone, It was also squaring my moon and dude, TW the suicidal ideation was STRONG. I wish I could give some sort of an advice but I don't know what to say, you just need to learn how to deal with the problems as they come)

Mercury square Neptune....the level of miscommunication is insane. (One of my closest friends has this and she...I love her but she's being very annoying. We were on a trip and she was talking to some people, so me and my other friend, we started clicking pictures, cuz we didn't want to disturb her and she comes up and says "why are you guys doing this without me, why are you not including me, if you don't wanna hang out with me anymore just say it" like GIRL) if you have this, don't start unnecessary drama, communication will be difficult so just stay quiet

Chiron in 12th is one of the shittiest years in regards to mental health, I hate this. (My friends have had this before and it's there in my 2025 solar return chart and I'm already dreading it. Everything bad that can happen...happens. I don't care what anyone says, this placement is just pure EWWWW and NOTHING can convince me otherwise)

Aries in 8th can be the year in which you lose your virginity (If you WANT to) I know quite a few people who had this the year they lost their V-card. (It's completely okay if you don't though, take your time and do it with a person who you trust and love, no pressure)

Mars in 9th is such a good placement for travelling and studies. (I had this in my 1st year of college, I remember I was so excited, studying was very easy, I loved learning new things and stuff, it was very nice. I was also travelling a lot, discovering new places. I had a lot of energy, really fun year)

Sun in 7th is a great placement if you want to work with others. (My mom has it this year and her business is ON FIRE, every time she has a meeting, it goes so well and she always gets a better deal than what she expected) this is a really good time for working with others, in partnerships. If you are a student, then you're going to do especially well in group projects.

(all pictures are taken from Pinterest)

© martian-astro All rights reserved, 2024

[undreaming-fanfiction]

Written for @steddieangstyaugust, day 10 - "Where were you?"

Steve's breath is catching in his chest. He can't get enough oxygen. His whole body is screaming at him to stop, to give himself a break, but he can't.

Not until he sees Eddie.

He barges in the hospital room and half-collapses against the metal frame of the bed. He thinks there's someone else with him, possibly Dustin and Wayne, but he can't be sure. His head is pounding, and the rhytm it follows is Eddie. Eddie. Eddie.

The call was short, but it rang all the alarm bells in Steve's head. He ran to the hospital all the way, his sides are burning, but it's fine. It's his body's job to get him to Eddie, and it did that. But now that he's here, he can't focus, he can't make his eyes see what's in front of him. Failure. What a failure.

"Steve. Hey, Steve. Come on, sit down and breathe."

He knows those hands. It's Wayne, his rough palms leading Steve so gently to the chair. No wonder Eddie is so caring, so full of love for others. He takes after him, his real father. No matter what his birth certificate says.

Steve's breathing finally slows down, the blurriness in his vision finally clears. He blinks away the tears - when did he cry? - and finally looks at the bed.

He looks so pale under all the bandages, the bruises and cuts. They couldn't even get all the blood from his hair, they just soaked it in water and hoped it would stay clear of the nasty wound on his forehead. It might need stitches. Does it have stitches? 

But most of all, he looks so small. Eddie is always larger than life, he takes all the space he can, because he's been denied it for so long. He spreads his arms, gestures wildly, laughs as loud as he can. He's always challenging the world. "I'm here," he says, "and I'm taking everything I deserve and then some. I'm here to stay, so you'd better get used to it."

The frail body in the hospital bed doesn't look like him. It has the right hair, the small scar on his thumb from when he cut himself trying to open a beer bottle with a small pocket knife, but it doesn't have what makes Eddie himself.

"What…what happened?" he finally rasps out and turns to Wayne. He looks so old, so tired.

"Some punks followed Eddie home from the bar," he says slowly. "They…heard the rumors. Decided they'd make him pay for serving them unclean queer drinks or some bullshit like that." He keeps his voice admirably calm, but Steve sees the white of his knuckles, the stern lines around his mouth. "Someone disturbed them, but…not soon enough. They ran and Eddie…"

Eddie stayed in that alley for over two hours before someone called for help.

He falls silent, and Steve understands. There is nothing more to say.

Only then does Dustin speak up. He refuses to even look at Steve, he is just grasping the bedframe, clenching his fingers over the peeling white paint. "He was right under your window. He was almost home. You would have heard him, if you were home."

He finally turns around and Steve recognizes that look. It's the same blend of pain and accusation from 1986, when Steve lived and Eddie almost didn't. And he asks the question that stabs Steve right in his racing heart.

"Where were you?"

Steve wants to answer truthfully, he wants to reject the accusation, defend himself, but he can't. Because he would have normally been home. He would have accompanied Eddie from his shift, but not this morning. He was busy this morning, he told Eddie. Robin needed something or the other, and they'd see each other soon anyway, maybe early lunch? The last two things that Steve gave Eddie? A rushed kiss and a lie.

Because Robin didn't need anything. It was him who needed her, it was him who dragged her through a bunch of shops, asking for advice, planning a glorious future while Eddie was unconscious in that alley.

Steve just shakes his head and takes Eddie's hand in his, holding it like the most fragile treasure of all. Once again, like in 1986, he prays, offers the distant god a chance to make things right for once.

And if- no! When! When Eddie gets better, when he wakes up, only then will Steve worry if Eddie likes the engagement ring he bought him this morning.

[neil-gaiman]

Hello Mr. Gaiman, hope you're doing well.

I've recently lost a very good friend, and I didn't have anyone to talk to about it(my other friends and family would be overreacting to the fact that they ended their life and I'm mentally tired to be able to make them sure that I'll be fine and that I'm just sad, so I'm so sorry if this bothers you in any way) so I thought I'd tell you something and ask a question.

First I wanted you to know that reading/watching Good Omens and reading The Sandman (considering my very low speed and lack of concentration in doing those things because of my disturbed mental health) helped me a lot in the hard time I'm in, and that they've become my friends, somehow. So thank you for everything you gave us in all these years.

Then I'd be pleased if you could answer an ask, even in a short way. I'm stuck, like I said, I can't read like I did, I can't write anymore, I can't do anything properly after my friends loss, and it's been bothering me especially because those were the things that gave me comfort and now they're all gone and I'm unable to reach out to them, so do you have any advice for me? On how I can get back to my normal life?

Thank you.

Love and best wishes.

Time will help, and Time will heal.

In the meantime, be kind to yourself and do what you can. Don't reproach yourself for the things you can't do right now. Acknowledge and, if you are able, enjoy the things you can do.

[rainstts]

F. A: Birthday Wish.ᐟ

random moments of your life being Toji's wife and Megumi's stepmother

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

✰ pairing. Toji Fushiguro x wife!reader

✰ content. MDNI, fem!reader, crack, fluff, reader and Toji already have a 5yo girl (Fuyumi), found family, pregnancy, birthday sėx, pụssydrunk AND making love!Toji (partially), breëding plus pregnancy kınk, creämpıe, praising, talking through it, unprotected, pet names, dırty tālk

✰ word count. 4.9k

✰ A/N. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR GORGEOUS BIG BOY!! And happy new year, sweeties <33

The trip to Kamakura was scheduled months ago, when Satoru offered his house to host the New Year’s party, and, with that in mind, you were able to organize everything you’d need for Toji’s birthday party too. Decorations, cake, candies and salty food, just how he liked. And when the day came, Megumi worked as your partner in that sweet crime, going in Nanami’s car with Nobara and Yuji so Toji wouldn’t see the decorations to be done. 

Only when your stepson confirmed that everything was in its right place and decorated, you stopped holding up and finally handed Toji the last suitcase so you could go. Hiding your anxiety on the road wasn’t easy, nothing passed unseen by his eyes. But, luckily for you, he was distracted this time. 

He was… Jealous?

“I’ll never understand what they see in him. Seriously! Even Yuji was there.”

Ah, yes. Another day, another complaint about how Megumi liked his teacher and family’s friend, Nanami. He was nothing different from Gojo in terms of friendship with the two of you, and yet…

“He’s polite, was always close and helpful with the kids…”

“I see, I see. Praising another man in front of your husband.”

“Toji!” You argued, seeing him rolling his eyes. “Your son can make his own choices. Maybe he just wanted to go earlier to spend more time with his friends.”

“And not with his father? Today is m-” Toji stopped himself, pressing his lips in a line and focusing on the road again. But he noticed your curious gaze, making him sigh softly. “I’m not getting younger, and he’s already fifteen! Three more years and he’ll be leaving for university, with no time for us.”

“He’ll always have time for you.”

“No he won’t. I know how teenagers are.”

“You are hard-headed, just like one.” Your reply made him huff low, hands tightening the grip around the steering wheel. “He loves you, honey. He listens to you, he looks for your advices and guidance. You have no idea how much effort he puts on himself to make you proud.”

With your head turned to him, your eyes captured how your words affected the man. His gaze softened upon the road, his hands relaxed, knuckles turning back to his skin tone, not so white anymore. His right hand moved to your thigh, feeling the fabric of your dress under his digits. With a long breath, he calmed down, and looked at you once he stopped by a red light. 

“We’re lucky to have you. And her.” He motioned to Fuyumi, your younger daughter sleeping on the backseat, and moved closer to give you a quick kiss. You smiled when you felt the scar brushing on your skin softly. 

“It’s mutual.”

Your smile made his shoulders visibly relax, and he moved his attention back to the road after a quick look down at the GPS. The car was yours, and you had the license for years now, but you still loved relaxing beside him, enjoying your passenger princess privileges while looking at his arms when he drove the SUV. 

“Just don’t make me smile to that stupid blon-”

“Toji, be nice. His wife is pregnant.”

Your reply made him click his tongue, controlling himself to not roll his eyes. Again.

“That’s why the kids are with him?”

“I don’t know, but behaving is for free.”

“Not if I pay with my patience.” He sighed, taking the road to the coast, almost getting to the house. “You know…” He started talking again, clearly having some disturbed ideas. “The kids love you. Kugisake always compliments how beautiful you are.”

“Spit it out.”

“We could…” He smiled, not finishing his statement, but you could read right through his eyes.

“I’m not getting pregnant just for you to be the “favorite uncle” again.”

“Come on! It’s not a big deal!”

“Toji! It’s a baby!”

“And? We have Fuyumi, I have experience. Sometimes I even miss how I used to hold Megumi by the neck of his shirt.”

“Oh, for God’s sake!”

“He liked it! That choked laughter was awesome.” He smiled, clearly remembering times in between his grief and the moment he met you. “Come on, think about it, uh? I know the test was negative, but we can always try again. And again. And again…”

“You’re lucky she’s sleeping.” You slapped his arm, making him stop teasing about it, while you looked at the five-year-old girl still deep asleep. 

“Think about it, please? I don’t wanna be the one dragging Shiro and Kuro everywhere while my son is with him.”

“I won’t think about anything.” Rolling your eyes, you looked away, holding your tongue to not tell the truth right then and there. 

The familiar house came into view, the sight of the beach was still heavenly and beautiful, even mid-winter. Toji parked beside Gojo’s car, leaving his seat to open the door for you, and let you wake Fuyumi while taking the dogs out by the other side. 

“Now smile and behave, we can talk about your pregnancy later.” He stated, simply as that.

“What? Toji!”

The front door was opened by Gojo, making you stop talking and walk towards the man after seeing your husband’s cynical smile, the one that never failed in teasing you to the limit. The dogs ran inside after hearing Megumi’s voice, and Fuyumi was right behind. Gojo greeted you and Toji, with him leaving the suitcases by the entrance hall, and letting the white haired sorcerer guide you both inside, towards the living room. 

The curtains were down, the room was silent and dark by the moment you came with him. Until Megumi turned the lights on. 

“Surprise!” 

Toji’s hand tightened the grip on your waist when he heard the voices in unison. He ran his gaze around the room, decorated with balloons in metallic blue and silver, a large table with the cake and sweet treats, and another side with salty food for lunch. The guests had party hats matching the colors, and Gojo handed one to you, which you quickly put on his head, ignoring his stare.

“How did you do that?” He asked, a small smile creeping up at the corner of his lips.

“I’ve had help.” You shrugged, taking the lighter with Shoko and pushing Toji closer to the table. 

His eyes immediately landed on Megumi, knowing the son had a part in it, and the boy just shrugged, just like you, standing by his left when everyone started singing “happy birthday”. Your smile was sincere, and your eyes never left Toji, while his eyes never left the candles, the cake, and every other small detail organized by you. Every new thing that was made just for him.

By the end of the song, more clapping was heard, and you felt the dark-haired man pull you into a kiss, firm and quick, respecting the others around. And, in a sweet and fast movement, he pulled Megumi into a hug, ruffling his hair when he moved away, making the boy laugh. 

“Me too, papa!” Fuyumi yelled, making the others laugh.

Toji then took her on his arm, kissing her cheek and leaning to blow the candle with her help. Closing his eyes and staying silent for a few seconds, it was clear when Toji made a wish, only leaving you curious about what it was.

Even though you felt like you could guess easily.

“Now I understand the whispers around the house.” He commented, eyes narrowed. 

“You didn’t even question it.” Megumi replied in a quiet tone, noticing his father laughing.

After taking a family picture, Satoru, who had been insisting on a speech, quickly started recording when Toji finally seemed to accept. Your gaze let him know that it needed to be a special moment, and he understood.

“Meg,” He called, making the boy raise his head in curiosity. “I’m not used to showing how grateful I am for you being a special and incredible son, the blessing your mother left for me. You overcome the expectations I shouldn’t have, and I’m proud of you, son. Thank you for the surprise.”

Megumi nodded, clearly emotional but covering up with a small smile. But Toji knew. He always knew. Satisfied, he turned to you, his next victim.

“My love… Thank you, for everything, I feel like I’ll never be able to form enough thoughts in this messy head of mine to tell you how much I love you, how you saved me, my girl. And how I’m happy for this precious little gift you gave me.” 

As Toji hugged Fuyumi, she giggled happily, and you felt tears running down with no control while you took in his words, the turmoil of both surprises you kept from him now taking its toll. But definitely a good one. 

The moment ended with a family hug, and Yuji and Nobara helped you to serve the cake as the others gathered around the table to get their lunch. Everyone enjoyed the afternoon with conversations about the expectations for the New Year, engaging topics about family, the kids’ improvements and travels. 

Close to the sunset, the kids decided to play at the beach, in front of the house, and Megumi insisted on taking his sister to give you and Toji free time, with the only advice of “behaving”. It made you laugh, of course, but your husband only shot you a smirk, murmuring a song while you led the way to the guest room you were staying in. 

“How did you find out?” Toji asked when you both stepped into the room, closing the door with a soft click when locked.

“Naobito.” 

Your answer was enough to make him remember the day you gave Maki a ride home. Toji hummed, sitting on the bed and taking his hoodie off, trying to gain courage to take a shower. You walked towards the man, placing your hands on his shoulders and massaging his muscles. 

He breathed out with the touch, a small smile could be seen on his lips before he leaned his head on your abdomen. His left hand moved up from the side of your leg to your stomach, caressing there with his thumb. It wasn’t as flat as it used to be, and he knew it. He had noticed before, and had that sweet feeling in his chest.

“How far along are you?” He asked, voice low, but slowly looked up to meet your eyes. 

“What?”

“Don’t play dumb, mama.” He smirked, both thumbs caressing your warm skin under your belly button. “You can hide the party plans from me, but not your body.”

Staring down into his eyes, you could see his proud smile, hands keeping you in place while his slender thumbs moved around your lower abdomen, silently appreciating the job he had done as his dark eyes caught every little reaction of yours. Your expression and eyes letting clear he had caught you red-handed. 

“I know when my wife is sleeping more, eating more, and throwing up.” He pointed out every little thing he had noticed. Things he didn’t miss on your first pregnancy, and certainly wouldn’t this time. “Ruined the surprise, didn’t I?”

“Yes!” You replied, slapping his shoulder softly, making him chuckle audibly. “I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.”

The man smiled widely, his eyes shining against the lights as he continued caressing you softly. Almost a strange touch coming from hands that years ago did such a dangerous job. It was at that moment you decided to take the picture off the inner pocket of your jacket. The movement caught Toji’s attention, gaze moving down to your hands, and back up to meet yours as he breathed in to say something. 

But the words died in his throat when he saw the picture in your hand. 

The usual gray, white and black glitched screen of an ultrasound, with two circles on it. The image made him open his mouth, trying to find words when he got the picture on his hand. The first circle showed a mark named “baby A”, the second one, “baby B”. 

“I- You-” Toji stuttered, blinking forcibly.

This was another level of a surprise. 

“Twins?” He asked, almost gasping for air. 

“Twins, love.”

Toji couldn’t hide his happiness even if he wanted to. The urge to just hold you close and tight made him pull you onto his lap, arms around your waist and shoulders, keeping you close as he felt that pure joy fill his mind and heart. As you finally felt the weight of the secret being taken from your shoulders, happy tears stained your face and his shoulders, and he soothed you with a soft caressing on your back, his warm touch moving up and down until you got a grip on your emotions again. 

“I didn’t know you could… We could…”

“Me neither. It was out of luck.” You smiled, caressing his chin with your right hand, the man leaning into your touch with his eyes focused on the picture. “They’re fraternal.”

“What does that mean? Are they okay? Is this a health issue?”

“No, darling. They’re perfect. They’re just non-identical, not sharing the same placenta.”

“And… And you know if there’s a boy or a girl?”

“No, I’m almost exactly three months in, so… It won’t take long for us to find out.”

“Almost three months and you’re already showing?” He asked, the deep chuckle not fooling you. Toji was proud of what he did. 

“I was huge while carrying Yumi. Need to prepare for the worst this time.”

To your words, Toji placed both hands on your stomach, feeling it once again. But the clothes bothered him, making the raven-haired man lift the fabric of your clothes to touch your skin properly. 

“Then it’s my job to make you feel better.”

His hands carefully moved down to your thighs, gripping as much flesh as he could, marking his digits on your skin easily. That heat, so characteristic from whenever he touched you, increased when you felt your lips on yours, a deep warmth spreading from your chest through your body. Toji’s hands moved to your ass, groaning loud as he slapped with one hand and tightened the grip with the other, taking a muffled moan from your lips in between the intense kiss. 

When he moved his hips up, pressing against yours, the two of you moaned. The feeling of his growing erection pulsing against your core. With a low hum of approval, Toji moved just enough to make you ride him slowly, firm hands pressing your body down against his, teasing you with soft and quick pecks. 

“Toji…” You breathed out, feeling his kisses move to your shoulders now. His large hands gripping your ass and thigh, desperate to feel you. Starving. “Love, I-”

“Don’t stop ridin’, doll.”

His words made you breathe out low, trying to control your voice, thinking about what to say back, unsure if he was actually willing to continue. Not that he never fucked you when you were pregnant previously, quite the opposite. But this wasn’t your house, and Toji usually didn’t like whenever you couldn’t vocalize for him. Moan. Scream his name.

But the way he continued to kiss you was confirmation enough, the man grunting as he pushed his hips against you again, looking for some minimal friction as he moved his hands up to your hips to move you against him again, and back down, squeezing your ass with pleasure.

The touch made you moan audibly for him, hearing the hoarse and deep sound escaping from his throat when he kissed your neck, biting your shoulders in response. Toji quickly took your jacket off, tossing it on the floor along with your shirt, taking his time to stare at  your much swollen breasts and the beautiful black lacy set embracing your skin perfectly. 

“Fuck, mama… Is this new?” Toji asked, black eyes stuck on the drawing of the lingerie on your skin, and how it made your curves look more delineated, the details he so much loved on display like a meal. 

“All for you.” Your voice was sweet, barely louder than a whisper when you leaned closer. “Rip it off.”

He pulled you closer, hooking a finger under the middle of your bra, pulling the lacy down with no second thoughts, ripping the fabric off your skin easily, and having the perfect vision of your breasts. Massaging one, Toji quickly moved to take the other on his mouth, his tongue travelling up and down the soft skin, groaning when your body shivered from the contact. 

Your back was arched for him, both hands on his chest, feeling his skin, and your mouth half open, gasping and moaning only for him to hear. Toji’s hands held your waist tight, changing positions carefully, laying you on the queen-sized bed. As he moved down, kissing your abdomen and hips, his hands moved your pants down, taking in the sight of the wet patch barely visible on your panties, his index finger moving to pull the side and make it snap back against your skin. 

Your body jolted from the impact, the skin soon reddening and his smirk widening at the sight. “So delicate, aren’t you, angel?” 

Desperate for more of his touch, you couldn’t reply, and it only made Toji chuckle more, a soft movement pulling your panties to the side. His tense breath hitting your skin, a soft movement of his hands spreading your legs open for him, exposing your wetness. 

He didn’t waste time, pressing his tongue against your pussy and letting out a rough moan when feeling how hot and sweet you were for him, keeping his eyes closed to enjoy it a while longer. 

“Toji!” You cried when he moved just enough to see your face.

The man laughed slightly at your desperation, passing his muscled arms down your thighs and pulling you closer like that, unable to move. 

“Easy, love.” 

It’s a matter of seconds for him to push his index finger into your slick entrance, sliding in easily, making you choke on your words of hurry and a low moan. Toji then started moving his fingers back and forth, curved up like a hook, hitting that sweet spot that made you squirm so easily. 

The movement made your cunt pulse and tighten around his finger, taking a pleasured moan from him, closing his eyes to enjoy how you were always so responsive. “Feels good, doesn’t it, princess?” His voice had a hint of teasing, the smile on his face proved it. 

“Y-Yes. Toji…”

“Y-Yes.” He mocked, thumb moving up to press against your clit. “I’m listening. What do you want?”

“Your mouth.”

There was no time for more stuttering, not with your husband. Toji wanted you, to celebrate with you for what he had done, and anything you asked, he would give. His tongue quickly met your pussy again, savoring you with need, with the desire he had kept in, not minding being rough when liking and sucking your wet folds and your already sensitive clit. 

Your body shuddered entirely with the feeling, his fingers getting more wet as he added another one to fulfill your pleasure, and the sound explicit and wet echoing in the room against the silence, his hand hitting your entrance while he took his sweet time on your spot.

“Mhn- Toj-i! Fuck, don’t stop!”

He didn’t dare. Not this time. Toji kept on sucking your clit with strength, licking your wetness clean as his fingers pushed in and out. You could already feel that pressure on your lower abdomen, flowing down your legs in waves, and back to your pussy in his mouth.

Until the tension on your body imploded, and you relaxed all at once, your orgasm hitting you, leaving you still in bed. Left hand in the middle of his dark hair, and the right pulling the sheets, using the grip to control your voice. Your husband wasn’t akin to share your pretty sounds with the other guests. 

Breathless, you moaned when Toji moved away, taking his fingers off you and sucking them, tasting more of you, addicted.  Only then he took his time taking his pants off, teasing you and giving you a little show, knowing how much you loved every sight of his muscles. And only got better when he got rid of his boxers.

“Keep ‘em open f’me, love.” He said, coming back to bed, right above your body, when you tried to close your legs. 

His hands moving around his aching cock, masturbating in soft motions while watching you under him, possessive, and clearly pleased that you were already showing off now two more of his offsprings. 

The vision of his large body shivering and slightly shaking with pleasure made you breathe out low and touch your thighs, gripping your flesh to control yourself. Toji’s hands met your hips, keeping you still for him again, before he pressed your thighs down, the obscene mating press making him growl.

“We’re going slow, for now.” He spoke up, teasing you while brushing the red tip against your wet cunt. “I’m gonna appreciate my sweet, little wife. Only when you cum around me, I’ll fuck you senseless. Deal?”

“Deal.”

His voice was clouding your mind, barely letting you notice how much he was holding back for your sake, and could only go back to your senses when you felt him moving your chin to face him properly. With his left hand, Toji massaged your clit, increasing the pleasure you felt when he pushed all his girth inside slowly, opening your wet folds around him. Feeling you pulsing, your husband knew you were ready for him, already shaped for his size and his only, he smiled when his tip reached your soft cervix, your sweet moans filling his ears when he pushed out and back inside. 

“That’s s-so good!” 

“Yeah? Your pussy is so warm right now, ‘luv. All tight around m-me.” He had his eyes closed, leaning to whisper in your ear. “Fucking missed this so much!” 

Your hands finding balance on his shoulders when he started his thrusts, the massive size making room for itself in you, his hips moving smoothly back and forth against yours, hitting your spots, pubes rubbing against your sensitive clit over and over and over. 

“T-Toji! Fuck, oh my-” Your voice was melting in your throat while he didn’t stop, body covering yours easily, grunting and moaning too close to your ear. “Y-Yes! Feels so- good!”

“Feels too- damn good for me, too, mama.” He was affected by your words and tightness around his girth, and not stopping meant going faster. Harder. Even if he wanted to keep it easy for you. 

He didn’t want to hurt you, no. Never his sweet, little, pregnant wife, but each thrust felt harder and rougher than the previous one, making you moan louder against his ear, fueling his fire. It was too hard for him when your cunt tightened uncontrollably around his throbbing length.

Looking down, he used the visual stimulation of your pussy swallowing his dick to move more tenderly against you, leveling his need to fuck and make love to you. It made him burn in fever while he drowned in the pleasure taking you both. 

“Ohh-h! To-ji! E-easy, love!” Your hands moved to his shoulders again, leaving red marks on his skin while your body was being flooded by that ecstasy. 

“Keep goin’, mama.” His rough voice continued, soothing you. “That’s right, cum for me again, yes.” 

Your husband kept his harsh and fast thrusts, just how it made you melt, controlling himself while his hips hit your body slowly. In the room, the wetness, moans and breathless whispers were echoing while he continued working through your orgasm, taking more reactions from you. 

“Breathe, doll.” He asked, kissing your forehead while trying to not apply pressure above your stomach. His kisses move down to your neck and breasts again. “That’s it… Can you handle one more?”

“Y-yeah… I think-”

“You can.” Toji cut out, kissing your temples on both sides. “Hold still.”

He moved you in a soft motion, helping you get on fours and placing the pillows under your chest, keeping your hips up for him. A small slap on your ass was all the warning you got before he started pushing himself into you again. Your hot walls taking his size, making the man pulse with his eyes closed, enjoying the feeling. 

Holding your hips tightly to keep you in place, he moved his own, the speed perfect for both of you, stealing moans and gasps. Opening your eyes, you looked at him from over your shoulder, noticing Toji staring down, amazed, his mouth half open, forehead sweaty with his disheveled black hair stuck. 

“No wonder why you hid your pregnancy from me, mama,” He started, not taking his eyes away while didn’t dare to stop pounding hard, hips hitting yours again and again. “If you just wanted me raw in this- fuck! T-Tight cunt, could’ve told me, ya’ know?” 

“T-That’s not-”

“Ha-ah!” Both hands pressed firmly against you, fingers digging against your warm skin. “Don’t lie to your husband, sweet thing.”

Your moan was low, choked, hands holding tight against the mattress and blankets, while you kept your eyes on him and called his name in a low, weak tone. Toji almost couldn’t handle it, too close to his own orgasm to think too hard about it, focused on fucking you like he promised. 

Faster

Harder. 

Pleasantly painful. 

“Toji- Please! It’s too-” You started, but he clicked his tongue, staring at your knitted eyebrows and teary eyes with a wide smirk. 

“Let me hear her, mama.” 

He placed his right knee on the bed, firm hands keeping you right where you were, not allowing your escape. With a pleased groan, he pushed in roughly again, your body jolting with the contact. His focus was on his movements only, bringing pleasure to both of you while hitting your sweet spots inside, heavy balls hitting your clit, reddening your skin. 

You moaned for him, mixing with the sounds of your pussy welcoming his dick. The bed hitting against the wall at each thrust, and his grunts and moans out in the open for you, the swearing escaping from his lips and the twitch of his length inside made you clench, your velvety walls more wet, spasming while cumming, calling his name.

“Fuck, sweet! She’s s-so warm!” He grunted. 

The never ending praises taking soft moans from your overstimulated cunt, the lubrication helping him slide in and out fast and faster. Your broken moans led him to another wave of pleasure, this time shooting his thick, whitish seed inside you.

“Hah! Yes… Always so- damn good f’me.” He breathed out, now moving slowly, edging himself while leaving every drop in.

Your hearts were beating rhythmically, fast, and you could only calm down when he pulled out, both hands on your thighs, keeping them open to watch his seed escaping, thick fingers rubbing your clit and pulling it back inside. 

“Ngh! Toji!” You cried, hips shaking, making him laugh. “Too much already.”

“Only because I don’t want you too tired, ma’.”

The man moved to lay on the bed, carefully pulling you closer, resting your head on his chest and kissing your forehead. Both arms wrapping around you, keeping you close. 

“How do you feel?” Your husband asked, staring back at you, hands moving, rubbing your thigh and shoulder. 

“Tired.” Your voice was quiet, an aching body soothed by his soft touch. “I need a shower.”

“We both do.”

“Don’t move.”

“As if I could.”

Leaving bed, Toji walked towards the bathroom, taking some time there, before he came back to you. Carefully, the tall man wrapped you in his arms, calculated steps guiding you towards the bathroom, a sweet perfume filling the place as he slowly put you in the large bathtub, warm water embracing your body, relaxing your muscles. 

Soon, he joined too, staying right behind you, hugging your torso and bathing you, spreading water over your arms and shoulders and massaging your skin with the liquid soap. That silly smile never left your face. 

“I love this side of you.” Your voice made him look at you, the beginning of a smile in the corner of his mouth, that little scar charming as always. 

“Just being better for my little family.” He shrugged, still washing your body first, knowing you would most likely sit on his lap to pay back. “Now a big family.”

“Yeah… We are now six. Eight, counting Shiro and Kuro.”

“I’m gonna need one of those ugly large cars.” He had a false pained tone in his voice, making you chuckle lightly.

“A minivan.”

“Hell no. Don’t torture me, it’s my birthday.” His response made you laugh, shaking your head at his drama. 

“And you’re already graying…” 

“That’s an illusion. You’re tired.” 

“You are! Look, right here.” You tried to point it out to the side of his hair, the few gray and white strands already being easily seen. 

“Shh, poor thing, you’re exhausted. Go to sleep, mama.”

His attempt in gaslighting made you laugh, moving back to relax your head against his chest yet again, stopping the teasing for now. You would let him have his happiness during his birthday, he certainly deserved it.

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[magics-neptunes-things]

Feelings (1)

Hi guys :)

So this is a new serie and I wanted to thanks @cathhamel for encouraging me to post it. I don't know how many chapter it will have, it will depends of how much you like it I think.

I really hope you will like it.

Please enjoy ♥

TW : Suggestive.

PART 2 |

______________________________________________________________

As long as you remember, you always have been in love with Alessia. She is a year older than you, but she catches your eyes almost as soon as you met her. She was sweet, full of talents and of course everyone seemed to like her. You liked her too, but it was more love than friendship.

It has been five years, and you never told her anything. Alessia is straight, always talking about her boyfriend at the time or the boy who catch her eyes. You can’t say that she’s a great friend, you never have been very close of her to be honest. You are way more friend with Maya, who you know since your first step together for the Lionesses. Alessia is closer with Ella or Mary, it’s not that you don’t get along. It’s more that you become very shy when it comes to talk to her.

Maya knows about your long-term feelings for Alessia. She sometimes teases you about it, but you seem so desperate about it that she doesn’t do it a lot. You tried to find others girls to help you forget Alessia, but you didn’t succeed. It was even more sad maybe, but that’s the life you choose to live. This gave you a little reputation maybe, but you decide under Leah’s advice not to give a fuck. You do what you have to do, and it will stay that way.

Finding a pretty blonde with blue eyes is even more difficult, because since 2022 you’re playing at Barcelona. Along Lucy and Keira, the Spanish team came for you. You were playing at this time in West Ham and at your age it was a dream coming true. You don’t hesitate to throw your life in England to go to Spain. You didn’t know the language at first, but you learned Spanish and Catalan very quickly. Way more quickly than Keira and even Lucy.

With this team you won a lot of things and with the Lionesses, you won the Euro Cup 2022. You had hope that maybe you can get closer to Alessia with the alcohol and the adrenaline of the victory, but you were wrong.

So now, you are here in Summer camp for the Mondial 2023, in Australia. Sarina had call you to be part of the team, so is Lucy, Keira and of course Alessia. Maya isn’t part of the journey, so is Leah because of her ACL. You were gutted to learn about her injury. Leah always have been like a mentor for you, unlike Lucy who always had the role of the big sister. But you miss Maya in Australia, to be honest.

And you missed her even most, when you learned just before the first game that your girlfriend at the time chose to busy herself during your absence with cheating on you. You weren’t In love with her, but you thought that you can trust her. You were wrong. It was not the breakup who was disturbing for you, but behind betrayed that way. It isn’t something nice, really. You broke up with her, obviously. She asked you for a second chance, which you refuse before blocking her everywhere.

“And she had the nerves to ask you for a second chance?!” Jordan almost shout when Lucy explains to her all the story.

You let her do it, tired of people asking you why you seem so angry and almost sad. You weren’t really sad, but you weren’t really happy too. It was a strange feeling to be honest. You don’t miss your ex-girlfriend, but you are most disappointed to see that another attempt to forget Alessia is failing.

“What a bitch” Mary sighs after Lucy’s nod.

She is at the same table as you this morning, like Lucy, Jordan and surprisingly Ella and Alessia. If Ella seems to be as shocked as the others are, Alessia doesn’t really says anything. But you catch her watching in your direction a lot of time when you look at her too.

You don’t know how Sarina heard about that, but you assured her that you can still play as good as always. So, she lines up for your first game, against South Corea. You scored that day, like Georgia, Alessia and Lauren James. The first win was unbelievable, playing in almost full stadium too. And scoring your first goal in a Mundial was amazing.

Georgia decided to head a little hiding party, inviting everyone who wants to come. You did but spend almost all your time drinking your beer while watching Alessia. She’s so beautiful that you want to cry. You know you will never have her in any way, why can’t you stop those stupid feelings?

You would need to confide in someone, but Maya is probably not reachable now, being in England, so is Leah. You have friends in Barcelona, but they are here too and probably asleep. And Lucy is nowhere to be found, either in her room or on the phone with her own girlfriend. So, you decide to go in your room too, maybe to try to drink something stronger to forget all of this shit.

********

In your room, you sigh, disappointed. Your fridge is empty, probably an ask made by the English Federation. You understand, of course you can’t get hungover right now. How did Georgia find those beer anyway? You lie down on your bed, looking at the ceiling for a long moment before deciding to take a shower.

You slowly take your things and head for the bathroom. You stay a long time under the hot water too, needing time to wash all your feelings of the previous day. When you come out, you have decided to focus on the games and your play, not everything else. You have to.

Sarina, your teammates, your friends and your family are counting on you to have a great result. Your family is still in England for now, in the north of England. They will come after the qualifications, hopping England will pass the qualifications. You want to make your family proud, of course. You left them to play football very young and are used to be far away from them. But you still love them and their opinion are the most important for you.

Only wearing a oversize t-shirt and a shorty, you left your bathroom with your hair wet. You will hate yourself tomorrow, but you decide to sleep like this, not taking the time to dry them.

You were going under the cover when you hear someone knock on your door. Frowning, you go to open it, wondering who can come to you at this time of the night. Maybe Lucy who just hang up with Ona and need to cool off. Things are awful in Spanish Federation and you are happy to be English right now. You open the door, waiting to be faced to Lucy. But you were wrong.

“Alessia?”

The blonde is looking at you, looking like she’s wondering too what she’s doing here.

“Hi” she says with her sweet voice. “Can I come in, please?”

“Uh, sure” you answer with a second late.

You let her in, closing the door slowly behind her. Her perfume is tickling your nose and God. What is she doing here? You turn to her, she is in the middle of your room, playing with her fingers.

“How can I help you?” you ask her, beckoning her to sit down on your bed.

She’s still playing with her fingers and rings when she starts talking, but you leave her fingers with your eyes when she starts talking.

“I learn what happened with your girlfriend” Alessia starts.

“Ex” you mumble, shrugging.

“Yeah. But I just wanted to know that if you need someone to talk about it, you can come to me. I know I’m not Leah or Maya, but if you need someone, it can be me.”

You look at her, surprised. You don’t know what you were waited about her presence in your room, but definitely not that. The gesture touches you, very clearly. But you don’t want to lie to her or that she imagines things.

“I really appreciate it, honestly. But I have to let you know that I wasn’t really in love with her.”

“No?”

You shake your head negatively, then shrug your shoulders. It was weird to explain that the girl you are in love with why you weren’t in love with your ex-girlfriend.

“I trusted her and we had fun together, but I wasn’t in love. The betrayal still hurt, though.”

Alessia nods thoughtfully, biting her lips. And you have to take all your self-control to drag your eyes away from her. You feel like a disgusting teenager sometimes. Maybe when she left you will need another shower. Cold, this time.

“So, do you have someone else in mind?”

This conversation is unreal. Your eyes almost jump on Alessia’s silhouette with that question and you don’t know what to answer. Some seconds passes and you still haven’t answered anything. You gulp and take a breath, but Alessia is finally the first to talk again.

“I see you, you know. Looking at me.”

Ok, this is maybe the moment where you will die. You are mortified. You thought that you were being subtle about it, always looking when Alessia isn’t. You try to be respectful too, not staring at her in the changing room or when she’s not fully clothed. You feel yourself blush, a bright red blush, and you are definitely not ready for the last sentence leaving Alessia’s lips.

“I’m looking at you too”

It’s a whisper, that you probably wouldn’t have heard anywhere but in the silence of your room. You are now looking in her eyes, deep, looking for the truth.

“Alessia, if this is a joke…”

“It’s not!” Alessia takes your hand and comes infinitely close to you. “I swear it’s not.”

Her first answer was almost shout, unlike the second. Her eyes are in yours, her hand squeezing yours and you can think straight anymore. You lean to kiss her and it’s even more everything than you thought it would be. Her lips are sweet, soft and taste like strawberry. Just when you wanted to break the kiss to check that if your action were ok, a whimper left Alessia’s lips, and you just want to hear that sound again and again.

You extend the kiss, not leaving the opportunity when Alessia parts her lips. Your tongue caresses her bottom lip before starting to explore her mouth. You never felt so many feelings to be honest. You almost were shaking.

Wanted to feel her closer, you put your hand on her neck, taking her more against you. When she passes her hand in your now semi-wet hair, you make you fall delicately on the bed. Deciding not to lye on her right now, you lye next to her, on your front while she’s on her back.

When air became an issue, you break the kiss this time. Alessia’s lips were swollen, probably like yours. Her breathing was fast and deep, her chest rising irregularly to the rhythm of her breathing.

Alessia is the one initiating the kiss this time, taking you against her. You let her do it, obviously. This time your chest in on hers and the feeling adding with the kiss is driving you crazy. You manage to keep calm for more kisses, but when her hands are on your back and ass, you try to escape her arms.

“We need to stop” you breath difficulty.

“Why?”

Alessia’s disappointment is hard to miss and it’s flattering. But once again, you chose to be honest with her.

“Because if we don’t stop now, I won’t be able to stop after, Less.”

You saw in her eyes that she understands perfectly what you mean. She bites your lips, from under you and the gesture make enjoyable sensation right in your core. But you have to ignore it.

“What if I want the after?”

You don’t know in what parallel universe you are, honestly. But you need to check that she was being serious and sure of herself. And if she wasn’t drunk too, but you only saw her drink Pepsi tonight.

“I want it, Y/N” is her only answer.

You look at her eyes for several seconds before leaning it again, kissing her on the lips once again. The feeling is intoxicating, honestly. You don’t know it this is a one-time thing or not, but you take your time anyway.

Discovering her is like a dream and you take all the time necessary to remember every part of her. You touch, kiss and stroke every part of her body, trying to remember to what sound she makes at every move. You are kissing her neck, lying between her thighs with her in underwear when she speaks again, whispering softly.

“I’ve never been with a girl before.”

You leave her neck to be able to look at her better, looking at her babyblue eyes. You want her to be comfortable and make this night about her. Not about you fulfilling your fantasies, even if it’s the case right now.

“We still can stop it if you don’t feel right. Just one word and we stop”

She nods, biting her lip once again.

“I don’t want to stop. But I don’t know how to do things.”

She looks shy and you are filled with another feeling than pleasure or wanted. Alessia trusts you and it’s more than everything you ever wanted.

“I will show you” you smile softly.

She smiles back and you return of what you were doing. She seems to relax this time, letting her body fully in your hands. She’s still a little shy at first, but she seems to learn fast. And it’s just amazing.

[gothamgf]

bleachers — s.es + l.cy

tags sports!riize basketball!eunseok fencer!eunseok fencer!reader anton!swimmer, college au, fluff, angst, slight nsfw, hurt/comfort

wc 14k

summary when twenty-five twenty-one meets challengers.

author's note each 🤺 is a time jump!

(apple music playlist)

(spotify playlist)

You afforded the front-row.

Yet, sat right under the nose bleeds. 

A coat of velvety darkness covered the Grand Palais, raising the public, and everyone involved’s pulses to its climax. 

The hall tensed in its fullness, gradually silencing itself. 

Each and everyone’s mouths watering for victory in the name of their country, loved ones, or themselves. 

Light beams shot out of nowhere, putting on a grand show for the beginning of the awaited event. 

The Men Fencing Finals at the Paris 2024 Olympics. 

🤺

BEEP

13-0

Coach Lee manifested every single muscle of hers to stop herself from letting out a loud sigh of disappointment. She knew she’d let it out in a few minutes anyway. The only thing comforting her sorrow in witnessing her own student fail so miserably, was you, her little « protégée ». 

It was your opponent’s fifth time of trying to quit the game ever since you’ve started playing. 

It was, in consequence, one of those days where you knew the real training would only come after hours, once you would beg your coach to play a real match against you. 

Only, one of you would always ask for a rematch, and a match point to determine who turned out to be the winner of whatever day it was. 

So, in the meantime, you’d become the distracted teenager you rarely allowed yourself to be. 

« Please coach, I’ll never be as fast as her, just let me train on the mannequin… » whined Aeri’s to the unimpressed olympian champion, fully knowing her request will be met with a stern negative response. Useless negotiations started, followed with a series of beginner-level advices. Well, not beginner-level, but certainly nothing a competitor for the national team should be listening to at the moment. 

You took their bickering as an opportunity to cool off, dropping your suffocating mask on the floor. You then opened your water bottle with quick dexterity, without ever letting your sword out of your grasp. You were seen without it so rarely, word spread that you slept and showered with it. The truth wasn’t that far. 

The voices of everyone in the gym were muffled as the second bell of the afternoon ringed, and chatter bloomed out of the school’s walls. Normally, you’d be on your way to close the windows, so that nothing could disturb the hours left of training. But your skin sprinkled in sweat, and the ongoing match required no real focus on either part whatsoever. 

So you stayed there, and kept on drinking, sun-kissed. 

When the breeze would stop blowing on your face, you’d immediately pray for more, and for 2023 to come faster. It would be your very first Asia Games, if you’d manage to qualify for it, and before that, if you’d manage to qualify for the Korean women’s fencing team.  

You knew you would. 

The mere thought of it made your stomach tie itself in impossibly tight knots. 

In the clouds, floated the white of your suit, tattooed of your name in the colors of your country. The wind whispered chants celebrating it, as well as your scores going high, point by point, pushing you towards victory. And in the blinding reflections of the high school building’s windows, millions of medals shined. Your mind already displayed them in your room, in which you left an empty wall since you were 7. 

Your bones shook with impatience. Two dozens of months, and you’d be there.

Palpable greatness. 

Life have never tasted any better than on a random Thursday afternoon of a long high school day. And your heart never felt any lighter than when you were full of youth, hope, and thirsty for victory. 

Arms crossed and wrapped on the windowsill, your body slouched on it, you quickly checked if the interrupting conversation was near to be over. You caught the coach fiercely teaching Aeri how to make convincing feints, as if she was teaching her a choreography. Aeri offered you a desperate smile, as you mouthed her encouraging words to lighten up her mood. She couldn’t do anything but sigh. You giggled and let your eyes wander back into the outside world. Your back straightened itself the second you saw the building you were secretly eyeing this whole time open up its doors. 

The basketball building.

At this hour, they were going to run a few rounds on the track field before going back to training in their gymnasium. 

It’s not that you memorized it on purpose, you just knew. 

At least, that’s what you told yourself. 

The school’s team was so prestigious some of the students already had fan clubs within the school, and in other’s as well. It mainly consisted of little stickers of their favorite member’s number on the juniors’ lockers. Or, blocking entire days before their games to craft posters, decorations, and even merchandising. They swore it was to motivate them, but the « Marry Me Sungchan » cardboards told otherwise.

You thought it was all very silly, yet quite thrilling to have some of the « Riizing Boys » in your promotion. What a lie it would be to say none of them have tickled their way into your heart, but it would also take actual torture for you to admit it in front of your teammates. 

Your nose fully peeked out of the window when you watched the first tall guys step out. 

And there he was, Lee Anton, with his silver jersey and long tousled hair.

Your stomach tied itself in knots again as he looked back to the team, flashing them a million dollar smile, slowly jogging towards the track field, and warming-up his twisted body. Droplets already formed on his forehead as the unforgiving sun coated the giggling players.

Their happiness affected you. And perhaps, watching hot boys made life a little more worth living, or so your 18-year-old self thought. You also thought you were looking (oogling) at the team in its entirety, when a chestnut haired boy rushed to take place next to them on the starting line, their coach closing the door after him. He just wore a white t-shirt, and was definitely unfamiliar to you. 

He was new. 

And new is exciting. 

You kept watching him, comparing his physique with the other members, trying to figure out the sound of his voice and most importantly, what his face looked like. All of their broad backs and shoulders were turned to you, lowered to the ground, as they prepared themselves for the jog. You thought to yourself that they’d run fast enough for you to catch a glimpse of the new guy when they’d get closer to your window. 

But the whistle of their coach synchronized with yours, ripping you out of your reverie.

« Come on, let’s play again. » Coach Lee calmly ordered. « And remember Aeri, her muscles. Look at the way her muscles move, and anticipate your strike alright? »

Aeri nodded unconvincingly, knowing that it will be over in a few points anyway. She put on her helmet in a swift motion, seeming slightly more boosted than minutes ago. You, on the contrary, put a little more time to get ready. 

Your body might’ve been En Garde, but your mind was still on the track field, among the « Riizing Boys » and the faceless newbie. 

« Prêts? » Coach Lee exclaimed, her arms open on each side of her body.

The growing sound of the basketball teams’s step tangled with the sound of your own heartbeat. 

« Which club trains here? » A voice from outside the window asked.

You instinctively turned your head. 

« Allez! »

The new guy was looking at you.

And you were looking at him. 

BEEP 

13-1

🤺

The seat to your left was empty, whereas the one to your right was occupied by a pre-teen girl wearing both France and South Korea’s colors. You figured you’d find out who her hearts belongs to once the match would begin. 

« Now welcoming, France’s athlete : Yannick Borel ! » An automatic voice announced through the speakers.

The girl screamed as loudly as she possibly could.

You didn’t need to wait after all. 

The fencer’s walk was determined, slow and strong. The volume of the cheers made you slightly worry about the glass ceiling. You applauded still, feeling quite sorry in advance for the next athlete, knowing he won’t get half as much cheers as his opponent. 

You rapidly came to the realization that you might’ve under-estimated his popularity. The second his name was announced, you nearly jumped in surprise, hearing the girl next to you let out a inhumane screech. 

A sting that could not be stopped by any means attacked your heart as his name echoed through the Palace Hall. Huge screen glowed, his face and name plastered all over them, cheered in a country at the end of the world. Envy and pride fought within your overwhelmed soul, tied to him in ways that justified your presence here, as much as it made it questionable. 

« Now welcoming, South Korea’s athlete : Song Eunseok ! »

🤺

« Good session girls! » Coach Lee started cheering on to conclude the day. « Aeri, Manon and Y/N, it’s your turn to clean the room, I want to see my reflection on the floor tomorrow morning hm? Good night everyone, drink water and sleep for at the very least 9 hours, understood? »

You all agreed and greeted the coach back, as she left the gymnasium to her usual mantra. The doors were still clapping the wind when you rushed towards one of your juniors, begging her to trade your place this one time. 

This one time, and last week’s time. 

Promising her another autograph from Seunghan wasn’t enough, so the bid went up and your offer was now his signature on her sword. At this very moment, you finally understood what authors meant by « Her eyes glowed ». You took her struggle to say thank you as a « yes », and bowed to her appreciatively before rushing to the lockers. As you peeled your fencing suit out of your body and changed to your uniform, the note you received this morning fell on the floor. 

You got it during your French lessons with Mr. Vidal, half asleep and half drooling on the back of your hand. Your table mate gently tapped on your forehead, jolting you awake. Your beauty sleep, interrupted only for you to receive a crumpled piece of notebook that has been passed around from the very back of the amphitheater, where you felt a gaze burning through your nape. 

« Meet me at the bleachers. 

-seok »

And there you were, walking towards the blue bleachers as the Korean sun painted them orange. 

Again.

You saw his silhouette shaking two tiny strawberry yakults, the straws already planted on both of them. Your pearly eyes glowed from miles away. 

Excitement from meeting up with his new friend energized him, as if the previous 8 hours of intensive training vanished right there and then.

« No fancy fencing outfit today? » He playfully asked, carefully watching you climb up the stairs, two by two. 

« And hopefully you have your own jersey now? » You cheekily replied as you remember teasing him for always training in what seemed to be the same white t-shirt.

« I still can’t decide on a number… » He replied, lying through his teeth, both of you knowing the truth. He was still on a trial period.

« Well, what’s your birthday? » You plopped next to him, downing the strawberry milk as if you haven’t drank in years. 

« 19 and 03 are taken… » He dramatically sighed, taking a sip out of his. 

« Well… Speaking of 03… » Your interest spiking as soon as you heard Anton’s jersey number. Your back straightening itself on its own. 

Eunseok contained a smile, throwing his sport bag onto his lap. You stopped breathing as soon as you took a glimpse at the silver fabric shining inside. He paused, and lifted the jersey to your face. 

« AAAH! » You loudly gasped. 

« SHH! » He hushed you, trying so hard not to laugh at you. « They’re still inside the gymnasium, oh my God… you’re insufferable… » 

Fan-girling sounds escaped out of your bouncing body. The peak of excitement and joy plastered all over your face, as rarely as you expressed it. 

The truth was that, selling your youth to your sport built walls around you, which made building meaningful, yet carefree friendships close to impossible. Your teammates seemed to be your friend group, from the outside. But the giddying, feet kicking and giggling teenager you knew you were, only ever existed within the four walls of your bedroom. You’ve journaled about how lonely it was to have no girl sitting cross-legged at the end of your bed, ranting, from sunset to sunrise. 

Such is the cost of being so excellent in your discipline. 

No one seeks friendship in a playground foe. 

Good thing Eunseok had no wishes to challenge you. Or at least, without a sports career, or a scholarship at stake. 

Turned out 18 days of makeshift apprenticeship were enough for you to build the type of connexion you’ve longed for, since forever. It broke through the walls of youthful insecurity and shyness the day he caught you cleaning up the fencing studio on your own. 

You were on the third part of your sold out concert, the imaginary crowd going wild as you crossed the stage doing tricks with your broom turned microphone, turned guitar. Closed windows muffled the sound of your favorite band blasting through the stereo, as it has countless times before. There were no blinds, however, that could hide the silhouette of your body following severals choreographies for half an hour. 

Especially, from the late jogger on the tracking field. 

You remember feeling as if you’ve jumped to the roof when he knocked on the glass, teeth showing through his wide smile, framed by glistening cheekbones. The highest level of shame took over your whole being, immediately assuming he was about to make you the joke of his entire time here. Or worse, he would act as if you’ve never existed. 

In reality, he just mouthed for you to open up. You did, reluctantly so, fully aware of how cruel boys could be.

« There’s a duo part coming after, right? » He asked, nodding his head to the rythm, waiting for the said part. He sang it, as passionately as he could, not a single note of his, on key. He tilted his head waiting for you to hop on the duet. 

Not once did he offer you mockery coated side-eyes. 

No. He was all friendship, dimples, and love for One Direction.

Finding comfort in each other so rapidly, bloomed doubts on what truly lied within your heart. 

It was no difficult thing to admit that you have never wondered if there wasn’t a bit of attraction between the two of you. Though, the mere reminder of Lee Anton’s existence, made every single man that you have ever known disappear from the surface of Earth. 

So yes, when Eunseok held his promise of getting you one of his jersey’s in exchange of clandestine fencing lessons, your heart pounded its way out of your ribs. 

« Thank you, Thank you, Thank you !! » You beamed at him, diving into a hug. 

« You know » He started in a slightly strained voice, his hands ghosting over your back « Don’t freak out but, » He paused. « I told him it was for you. »

The summer breeze suddenly chilled your nape, down to the bottom of your back. Waves of embarrassment as strong as this could break down cruising ships in seconds. 

Your bodies automatically distanced themselves, as your expression died. 

« What. » You barely muttered. 

« Yeah… he’s a bit over his jerseys going to high schoolers and juniors he doesn’t know and stuff. I had to tell him but… » 

You cut him right there. « You couldn’t lie? You couldn’t say it was for your little sister or like, anyone else but me? »

You stared at a piece of void in horror. It creeped. The slow realization that all of the chances, as small as they were, with your first college crush definitely turned into dust creeped on you. You were just a fan now, to him. You asked yourself why you would ever trust a man to be your wingman when you let your face rest on your palms. 

Eunseok’s smirk haven’t left his face, though. « Can you let me finish? »

You didn’t respond. 

He sighed at how dramatic you were acting, in his opinion. « When I told him it was for you… » 

He paused. « He actually looked… quite happy about it. »

🤺

2-2

No weapons were allowed in the arena, but if anyone had a knife, they could easily cut through the tension that vibrated in the air. Waves from chatter to silence formed in between points, helping out the fencers to filter out their thoughts. Song Eunseok’s were now racing with heavy, borderline abusive motivations to create a gap of points between him and Yannick Borel. 

There were few things he hated more than equalizing point with his opponent. The idea of utter loss, a silver medal, caused by a single point could make him go feral. 

But now was no time to go feral. 

Now was the time to place his feet apart from each other. To flex his knees, bend his sword and agitate it out of habit. To then giggle his arms, one last time, and wait for the referee’s voice to echo through his mic. 

He took in a deep breath, closed his eyes for a second and felt the tingle of his opponent’s last strike on him. 

The fourth right rib. He would try to hit here again. And he knew just how to keep him from doing that.

« En Garde. »

You were sitting at the edge of your seat, his hate for equal scores coming from you. You, who couldn’t help but hope for your late night lessons from 4 years ago to still be tattooed in his mind. 

« Prêts ? »

All the sweat you poured until the school’s track fields’ lights went out, and your only way back home was from his passenger seat. Those trainings he paid with inviting you to his court, only so you could flirt with his curly-haired teammate. 

BEEP 

Your youth together.

You hoped he didn’t forget your youth together. 

2-3

It was like watching the two of you dance again. 

🤺

« There’s no way I can jump that high » You stated in defeat, breaking your neck from looking at the hoop. 

« Are you kidding? I saw you correct the cheerleaders’ choreo the other day… »

You shushed him, partly amused and partly annoyed from shooting only three scores since you’ve started training with him. It has been 2 weeks. 

Nothing was at stake there, no career, no scholarship, or not even a trophy. But the frustration of doing so many so mistakes when you were more than used to being excellent, couldn’t be helped. Especially since Eunseok has proven himself to be quite a fast learner from your not so amateur fencing sessions. 

« Let’s do it together one more time, hm? » He offered, clearly sensing your growing frustration. 

You nodded, eyes closed, gathering every ounce of focus that was left in your body. 

Why where you there when Anton was nowhere to be seen anyway?

When you felt ready, you looked to your side, ready to mimic Eunseok’s movements as you have done countless times before. 

But you’ve turned your head to nothing. 

A breath ghosted over your neck. 

Fingertips on your left wrist, and a palm on your hip. 

« Bend your knees. » He softly spoke. 

The phrase ran twice, or thrice in your head before you actually registered and executed it. Your body temperature shifted, hoping it went unnoticed. And before you could form any other thought, his whole body stretched yours out towards the hoop. You automatically jumped, but he stayed on the ground, his hands now both pushing on your under arms. He boosted your jump, practically lifting you like you weighed nothing. You nearly screamed out of fright from the sudden gain of height. 

« Shoot ! » He shouted, shattering the blossoming tension. 

You did, and you scored, and you laughed, and he laughed. And coming down from the height, only made your excitement and adrenaline jump through the roof. Once you calmed down to your senses, you teasingly hit him with the ball instead of celebrating.

« Amazing shot, champ, how did you that? » He sarcastically chuckled, resting his hands on his knees. 

You couldn’t help but think he was probably wiping off your arm-pit sweat from his palms.

« It’s called talent. » You breathlessly replied, plopping down on the floor with your legs splayed out. 

« That’s a real basketball player answer there, you might get qualified for the team before me."

« I’m no real basketball player, though. » You stated, cutting out whatever game you were both playing at. « I literally have to be your puppet to score. »

« Were you having fun? » He asked, « Being my puppet? »

« Well, even though I didn’t ask to be… » You looked up at him, the spotlights making his traits manlier than you were used to see. « Yeah. » 

He collected the ball from the floor, dribbling it for a few seconds before effortlessly scoring, looking right into your eyes. « Then you’re a real basketball player. » 

« So fucking cheesy… » You sighed, smiling to the ground.

Half an hour later, Eunseok was mopping the squeaky court as he waited for your « just got home » text. He would usually enjoy some music while cleaning, just like you did. But that day was for racing thoughts, and the squelch of his soapy mop on the wooden floor was just what he needed as a background sound. The way he touched you earlier haven’t quite left his mind. Before that, he had never tried to initiate anything physical with you. But you always did. Pressing on his abs and back muscles to help him have good fencer posture. Or wrapping your fingers around his to teach him how to have a solid, yet, swift hold on her backup sword. Like any good coach would.

Eunseok kept rummaging his thoughts about how he held you today, if you perhaps thought it was too much, or if you thought nothing of it. He saw the goosebumps rise from under your skin, though. And he felt it heat up. 

« Someone’s in love… », Sohee said from the swinging doors. 

Eunseok’s heart jolted, his body remained unmoved. He eyed his smirking teammate from the reflection on the huge window in front of him. « The hell are you even doing here? »

« Not flirting with Y/N L/N, what about you? » He sarcastically replied, crossing his arms. 

Despite the slipperiness of the floor, Eunseok raced towards him, screaming incoherent things to his youngest. Their improvised game of tag, giggling from the sights of each other’s bouncing hair, made the previous teasing dust up in the records of history. 

« Just admit it, you have a thing for Anton’s girl. » Sohee exclaimed with a loud smile on his freckled face. 

Hearing that incorrect way of describing you made him icky, for a reason he was only admitting to himself, for now. Eunseok ran faster, shouting a childish « Hey! », Sohee finally within his reach, when his phone vibrated against his clothed thigh. He automatically stopped in his tracks, right after jumping over the benches. His friend’s eyes sparkled with thirst for drama, the sight of Eunseok’s lighted up smile ready to be spread in future gossip sessions. 

But Eunseok, as blissful as he could be, kept blushing at your awaited notification. 

It was followed by a messy, half asleep goodnight text. To which he replied : 

⌈ Sweet dreams, Y/N. ⌋

His finger hovered over the send button. Was it Sohee’s defying look over his phone that made him send this all or nothing second text? Or was it because he came to the realization that he didn’t like the fact that « Anton’s girl » could soon be a very correct way of describing you ? 

It was up to your interpretation anyway. Perhaps, it would mean nothing to you. 

So he sent :

⌈ ❤️ ⌋

Like any good friend would. 

🤺

It has only been 6 minutes since the match has started. Six terribly long minutes of observing your college’s best friend compete in the most important match of his life, with only yourself to debate or cheer with.

The time on your phone was rarely left unchecked, as for your watch, it would be the next second, as if time went by faster on the latter. There was a fencing olympic finale entertaining you, and a chanting crowd to follow along to. Nevertheless, pure loneliness bubbled right inside of you, perched with thousands of sports fans.

It was never lonely down there, you reminisced. 

A goal in mind, a weapon in hand, and a person to dance with was all you ever needed to feel fulfilled. To feel happy. 

You’d search for your partner’s sweet spot until they’d succeed to your teasing touches. 

Growing tensions, magnifying attractions, and the electronic sounds of the scores accumulating turning into music. There would be a moment in which both of you would understand each other completely, the map of each your souls clearly traced in the lines of your body. 

Synchronization. 

Harmony. 

The common folk mostly thought of fencing only as competition and infliction of pain. A deadly duel, resulting into a victor and a loser. But beneath the protective gear, and under the pulsing pearly skin of fencers, lied infinite pleasure. 

For both players.

And sometimes, even for the referee.  

Fencing was all about mutual connexion, understanding, and love.

And all of that came with patience, which left your body each an every minute there, sitting with a crowd that didn’t know Song Eunseok like you did. 

Nor the secret stake of the match.

That’s what, partly, justified your loneliness.

You hoped he didn’t feel any of that loneliness, as well. 

Because if he did, if he wasn’t having any fun, he would 100% lose. 

He took off his mask, strong breathes huffing out of his chest, as he waited for the referee’s verdict. He couldn’t help but twist the sweat off his pink glossy lips, lick them and bite them. 

The anticipation that grew within you, and your misplaced curiosity for his freshly licked lips, made you react a little later than you should have when you heard footsteps approaching you. 

There’s a hand on the crook of your neck. 

« So sorry my love, some fans wanted pictures. » Anton breathlessly whispered in your ear, before kissing it.

🤺

City lights shimmered all over the floor you slowly walked on. Your teammate’s complaints were muffled by the sound of your own troubles fogging your brain. There were no words to describe how much you loathed doing bad performances. 

And your coach pretending like it wasn’t the case. 

And the fact that the only thing keeping you away from being better, was your mental state. 

And your mental state, being the way it was because of a guy. 

Anton hadn’t talked to you today. 

You wore his jersey, today.

Embarrassment grew each and every time you felt a stare a second too long on the shining letters on your back. You’ve never wanted to hide under your epidermis more than when you walked by the team’s table at lunch, and received a glance, but no smile from him. 

It could have been just that, until the most irritating chuckles made their way into your ears, coming from their way.

If you could’ve died right there, it would have been a miracle. 

And if your sword could actually kill, Eunseok’s head would’ve been on a spike. 

Well, truth was that your mental state was that way, because of two guys.

It could also only be because of today’s treason, but it wasn’t.

Eunseok hasn’t left your mind a single day since you’ve met. 

It has been three months, now. 

Spring was ending, now. 

Your friendship grew out of the school’s walls with goodnight texts, stretching into nightly, hours long conversations. Your thumbs would get sore from all the texting, so it shifted to calls. And video calls. During the weekends, too. 

Eunseok then swore you needed to practice your shoots on your days off as well. He happened to have a park with a hoop, right at the end of the street in which he lived. So you met up there, every Saturdays, and practiced. 

He’d always drive you back home if those sessions, that eventually turned in gossip sessions, lasted until nighttime. 

Until one day, when his older brother went on a trip with his car.

There were no buses anymore, and your parents have had a little drink. 

Moments later, you left your shoes next to his by the entrance, ate with his parents and baby brother, saw Eunseok under his dining’s room light, and brushed your teeth next to him, laughing at the huge foam around his mouth.

His mother’s smell was all over your skin and hair when you got out of the shower. 

His own smell embraced you when you dived into his previous basketball team’s jersey. 

And being there, all up in his brother’s sheets, with his father snoring in the other room, scared you. It scared you because you felt like you could get used to this. 

Your lids grew heavier, as you silently wished to get used to it.

You opened them back up when your phone lit up by your face. 

« I have popcorn. » Eunseok had texted you. 

You didn’t need more to be tiptoeing to his bedroom.

« I’m out of here by 3 am, understood? » You warned him as you quietly closed the door behind you, knowing that it might cause trouble to be found here in the morning. He solemnly nodded, before breaking into a grin as he watched you get comfy by him, against his headboard.

Hours after demolishing the popcorn bag, you were still there, sharing life stories in the dark, from the funniest to the most unspeakable ones. You told him about how you puked on yourself after your first kiss, and he told you about all the nasty things he had seen in the showers of all the sports teams he had been in. He swore he hadn’t participated, but he gave away way too much details. 

It was way past the bedtime both of you knew you wouldn’t respect anyway, when he decided to put on one of your favorite animated movie on his laptop. Your reciting of the lines became more and more incoherent, and he spent more and more time watching you flutter your eyelashes shut.

You fell asleep to the feeling of Eunseok’s fingers waltzing on your temple, and woke up in his brother’s bedroom. 

« Do you speak French in your sleep because of fencing, or because of Ratatouille ? » He had asked you the next day, watching you wash your face through the bathroom mirror.

All of this shouldn’t have affected you the way it did, you thought. 

You were just happy to get closer to your friend, you thought. 

You were like brothers and sisters now, you thought.  

Replaying this in your head has made you oddly silent, as you kept on walking among your teammates. You were so silent, you started to recognize the now very familiar sound of a basketball rapidly bouncing, then clashing against the metal outdoor hoop.

« Oh, Guys, I forgot something at the gym. » You lied to the group of gasping girls. « You guys can go ahead. See you tomorrow! »

You rapidly pretended to walk back, immediately missing the shelter of Aeri’s umbrella as they cheerfully waved to you. Seeing their giggling backs under the rain made you wish to make more efforts to befriend them. An inexplicable rush of nostalgia washed over you, as raindrops coated your scalp. You were in your feels. And going to investigate towards the small court wasn’t going to help anything, no matter who was dramatically shooting hoops under the rain. 

It could’ve been one of the guys you were desperate to avoid tonight. 

Though, you couldn’t help but hope it was one of them.

You took a turn and quietly walked towards the huge white hoodie, cutting the mystery short.

« Think you’re Troy Bolton or something? » you teasingly asked. You knew better than to be mad at him off the start, even though you truly were. 

Eunseok turned around, missing the point he was about to miss anyway.

The fruit of his restless thoughts materialized before him. 

If you thought you were going mad over your sleepover at his’, it was solely because you knew nothing of how much it ran him, truly crazy. 

He introduced you to his parents, picked you up when you were sleeping, smelt your morning breath, and have spent, since then, hours to think about the next time he could have you that way again. Without acting like the worst, traitor, dipshit friend ever.

You were slowly tearing him into pieces, with no one but Sohee as a witness. 

The abandoned ball wasn’t bouncing off the floor nearly as fast as your pounding hearts. 

« If you consider yourself Gabriella, then it should be Anton’s role. » He stated, leaning down to pick it up. His tone ended up being colder than both of you expected it to be. 

« I’m not really sure he’d like to be my Troy anyway… » You scoffed, crossing your bare forearms. « But you all could be a little less cruel about it. » You then spat at him, slightly ashamed. 

He stopped in his motions, his back facing you. « What are you even talking about? »

You huffed a laugh, the frustration turning into a lump of sorrow in your throat. Have boys always been this oblivious to the fucked up things they do? « You know exactly what I’m talking about. » 

« No, I don’t actually. I don’t know, Y/N. » He turned to face you, jaw clenched. « And you really need to stop playing around, especially now. » He bitterly added. His tone was filled with despise, as if he was grounding some naughty spoiled kid. It vexed you.

« Is it not playing around when you let me hope that he likes me ? And proceed to then laugh at me, with him, behind my back? » You shouted, taking a few steps towards him, wondering where his common sense possibly went.

You didn’t mean for your voice to crack so easily. And you were pissed at his confused, twisted eyebrows under his wet strands of hair. 

« Lunch? Today? » You tried to refresh his memory. 

His expression shifted. A defeated smirk threatened to mark his face, as he slowly made the wet ball bounce from one of his hands to the other. 

« I can assure you, we weren’t laughing at you. » He calmly stated, now taking in your shivering form from under the flickering lamp post. 

You sighed out a big chunk of air, with closed eyes and your head held up high. Was it out of relief, annoyance or, as a way to relax your severely tensed muscles? You couldn’t tell, at all. 

But you knew what you felt. You felt sick of fighting the very person you’d go to when days were as shitty as today. 

So you decided to trust his words, though it felt too early to fully believe in them.

 « Whatever. He didn’t even talk to me today. » You muttered.

If this had happened a few weeks before, Eunseok would have confessed that the team was laughing at Anton’s reddening ears to the sight of you, proudly walking with his name on your back. 

However, whatever reason that was making him pull a dry sweater from his sports bag, was making him keep it all to himself. 

« You can’t afford to catch a cold, champ. » He softly spoke, as he stood up, closed the gap between you, and wrapped it around your shoulders. 

« So can’t you. » You replied, looking up to his face. He covered the top of yours with the hood of his sweater, slid his hands on your shoulders, and left them there. 

It wasn’t his first time taking the time to explore the map of your face. He retraced it all, meanwhile you felt like a first time explorer. The lamp-post lighting softly bounced of his high cheekbones, and made his earring shimmer. You couldn’t make up the sweat sliding down his forehead from the raindrops drenching him, in all places. From his ridiculously big eyes and lashes, to his puckered pouty lips, passing by his straight nose bridge, he was glowing. 

He was beautifully glowing. 

Your focus went back down his mouth. You blinked, a lot. You swore it was moving a second ago. But it wasn’t anymore. 

He had just finished talking and you haven’t heard a thing. 

« Sorry what did you say? » You asked, coughing your way out of awkwardness. 

He swallowed down a now flustered smirk and replied in all seriousness. « Our coach. He’s involved with a bribing case. » 

It took you a second too long to recover from your previous embarrassment, and register the dramatic information you have just gotten. « What? » You finally exclaimed.

« Yeah. » He looked down, your saddened expression pulling him back through the same deception he had faced earlier. «The headmasters were quick to announce that there would be no actually good replacement for the rest of the year though. Some are staying, some are switching sports, and others are switching… schools. » He sighed. He also remembered how hard he had gasped when Shohei, the one guy he was the most excited to train with, announced him that he’d fly out to Japan to have a chance at his dream basketball team. 

He paused, and half heartedly chuckled, « I wasn’t even selected so my choices are… Thin. That’s why I’m here. Stress-releasing. » He freed your shoulders of his tender grasp, burying his freezing hands in his hanging jogger’s pockets. 

You’ve let the rain wash over you for a moment, watching Eunseok’s gaze empty itself. You, quite selfishly, mentally placed yourself in his shoes. You knew you’d have gone bat-shit crazy if you were left with the choices of making a drastic change in your life in order to keep chasing after your dreams, or abandoning them completely. In your golden age. Just because of a man. 

Your heart broke for the promising athlete before you. 

It broke for your best friend. 

« God… » You gasped in horror. « I can’t even… begin to imagine how hard that must be for you.»

« For all of you. » You added, Anton coming to your mind, and his, to his own demise.

He dropped his head and bitterly nodded to your statement. As you watched him stand there thoroughly defeated and fighting tears, you’ve found yourself powerless, and lacking of words strong enough to provide him any satisfying reassurance. So, you instinctively reached for his head and placed it on your shoulder, like he would do when you’d fail anything, from getting Anton’s attention, to exams. 

His arms immediately wrapped around your back and waist for warmth, comfort, anything, like a man starved. He had convinced himself that you were going to turn into sand if he didn’t hold you tightly enough, hence the grip he had on you, that, despite yourself, made your face flush warm against his wet, cold body. The sound of the raindrops hitting his nape made you shiver for him. You attempted at covering it with your hand, but was rather caressing the small parcel of skin. 

You weren’t deaf to the sound of his breathing losing its regularity, though. 

Added up to his chest, beating against yours, his heart was helplessly finding ways of digging its way down your ribcage.

You liked the feel of it, though. 

So you held him tighter, too. 

« You really need to stop playing around. » He whispered, right into your ear.

« What are you talking about? » You softly spoke, right back into his ear.

He took another deep breath before his palms found their way onto your hips. He unglued your body from his, watching you look up at him with a puzzled, yet dazed look. « You think the coach’s thing is the only stressing me out? »

The world consisted only of the raindrops sliding off your huffed out bodies, and the lamp-post illuminating you. An aura surrounded the man, through your blurry, rained on gaze. 

« I like you, Y/N. »

There was no time for another thought to be formed in your mind before he leaned in to kiss you.

Song Eunseok kissed you.

His lips on yours were gone as quickly as they’ve landed. Your next view were the droplets free falling from his eyelashes. Behind them, secretly lied a gaze you mentally ordered yourself to memorize forever. You weren’t sure if it was love, though. Because how could you be sure of feeling an emotion you’ve never encountered before? And where were the fireworks that the stories you’ve been fed with your entire life have promised you?

You didn’t hate it. 

Whatever you felt, you wanted to feel more of it. 

He watched you reach for the back of his head with one hand, and the side of his neck with the other. He watched you lift yourself on your tippy toes, and he couldn’t believe his eyes. 

You planted a new kiss on his wet lips. Only, you felt like you couldn’t get enough of of it. 

Eunseok swore he could taste victory better on your lips than on any of the trophies he had left a peck on. He anchored you to him when he felt your toes struggling to stand still. And he prayed, to all of the higher forces that could exist, to make the moment last as long as possible. 

Not a single ounce of lust seeped through the near-divine kiss you shared, even after your tongues have exchanged many caresses of their own. 

Both of you found your opponents there, kissing like you fenced, wondering if each of your physical encounters would end up feeling so familiar. 

Him, strategically attacking you with an unsettling force. 

You, brutally uncovering all of his weaknesses after studying his every moves. 

Everything that your unsatisfied, complexed selves have been craving for, you ended up founding in the warmth of each your own dearest friend’s.

Your phone lit up once in your back pocket, but you couldn’t care less about anything else that wasn’t Eunseok eating your mouth open. His large cold hands slid their way down there, with the pretext of protecting themselves in said pockets. Your phone vibrated once again, and he felt it too. 

« Duty calls? » He whispered against your lips, both of yours covered in spit and fucked out smiles.

You scoffed, punched his forearm as a punishment for his wandering hands, and dived back into the kiss you started missing the second you left it. 

His stupid smile couldn’t be forced out of his lipgloss smeared lips as he lazily kept on kissing you, too. 

He was on cloud nine. It was so grossly obvious. Yet, thinking about all the time he had spent fancying you, made you want to kiss him a little harder. 

If it weren’t for the third, infuriating vibration against your butt-cheek, you would have been glued to his lips until sunrise. 

You reached for your phone in your back pocket, while he made your head rest on his chest to shelter you. He covered your phone and the top of your head with his hand, too, as it lat up your chest. It lat up Anton’s jersey.

The mere sight of it made it harder for him to swallow remains of your saliva. 

He innocently thought the notifications were just from your dad cockblocking him. 

But it would be underestimating his friends’ power over you. 

Plus, you were staring at your phone’s notifications center for way too long.

⌈ Lovely outfit today. ⌋

⌈ Would you wear it again Friday night? ⌋

⌈ I want to take you out, Y/N. ⌋ 

The inevitable smile that creeped on the lips he had just kissed, made his heart bleed to fatality. 

🤺

Eunseok just lost a point. 

Anton’s hand was still glued to your shoulder, even after dozens of people crossed lengths of bleachers, hopping over strangers’ knees, just to have the privilege of sharing a picture with him. You were rarely invited in them though, or acknowledged at all. Knowing your spotlight-craving nature, you were surprisingly unbothered by your partner’s new surge of fame. 

In fact, it made you love him more. You once shamelessly admitted to your girl friends how one’s sportsmanship could determine your attraction, and feelings for them. 

The more medals someone would win, the more points they’d win to get you. 

Anton cracked the code when he first tasted your lips, right after he beat his personal record for the 200M Freestyle in the selections for the school’s swim team. You celebrated in the very same pool he had newly decided to offer his body to, arms wrapped around his soaked shoulders, sharing wet, languorous kisses and splashed giggles. 

He couldn’t get enough of the way your face would lit up after each and every prizes he would bring home over the years. 

So he kept swimming. 

And kept winning. 

Just to come back to you, forget it all and drown in your eyes again. 

Your eyes happened to be just enough for him to be here, in Paris, collecting gold medals like pebbles. The last three days all ended with your most cherished trophy coming running over to you, spinning you around, feeding on the laughter and cheers he swam to win all along. 

His addiction to the proud look plastered all over your face whenever you glanced at him could have got him banished from competitions.

He once pillow-talked to you about his theory of your past lives, being that he once was a greek athlete, a pioneer olympian, that only competed in worship of you. He kissed each of your knuckles afterwards, and later that day, came back with your initial added in one of the Olympic rings tattooed on his right bicep.

He sat down, finally free of his whispered meet and greet, kissed your shoulder, and turned his focus back on the match, almost forgetting the bitter taste of his presence there. He grounded himself by firmly holding your knee, as the bleachers suddenly felt too high for him. 

You, however, were almost annihilated by the game, wondering just how will Eunseok get his point back. You were almost starting to get upset by it. By everything mad that has ever happened to you, too. You thought it boiled down, the resurfacing anger from the day he decided to switch schools without telling you.

Was it really resurfacing anger, though, when it has been burning your guts every single day since 2017? 

Will it ever truly leave you, when the mere thought of fencing makes you feel 18 and abandoned again? 

Will you ever be at peace with the man you were cheering for, next to the man you shared keys with? 

🤺

You were sending undelivered texts to Eunseok with your right hand, and holding your new boyfriend’s arm with the left one. 

« You should eat, it’s going cold. » Anton told you, softly shimmying your cheek out of his shoulder. 

You absently nodded, not even bothering to straighten up and pretending to obey. Every single soul around the table could see your mind wandering elsewhere, but they had much more interesting topics to focus on. Like practice, competitions, and Asia Games. All of their non-athlete friends and lovers barely kept it together as they felt like their heads were going to explode from hearing too much sporty non-sense. Even though you have finally acquired your title of « Riizing Boys�� Girlfriend, » you weren’t quite included in the second bubble of conversation that formed over lunch. No, you preferred having one with the ghost of your true first kiss who has decided to vanish from the surface of earth four days ago. 

Your messages delivered, though, four days sooner.

Your concern for his absence seemed to torment no one else but you. Anytime you’d ask one of his ex-teammates, their reply would leave you even more lost and confused. You have stopped interrogating the team after the third player, Wonbin, « jokingly » replied he must’ve been sick of being around you every day. But also, to not raise any suspicion on the fogged up nature of your friendship. 

Anton had gained your attention once again, asking you to eat once again, but the very little appetite you had was definitely lost when you saw your text bubble switch to green, in the corner of your eye. 

There was no way.

You quietly excused yourself out of the table, as discreetly as you could. 

However, your discretion happened to not have gone unnoticed by Sohee, who followed your steps right after unwrapping his arm around his emo brunette girlfriend’s shoulders. 

Your lonesome session of deeply inhaling the fading spring’s breeze was cut short by him walking up to you, burying the worry that crushed him in his huge jean’s pockets.

« It kills me to see you like this. » He simply stated.

You were taken aback by it, as you weren’t that close to him. 

But Eunseok is, or was. 

You smiled, and assured him that you were fine through your knotted throat. 

« No you’re not. » He sighs, his gaze fixated on your unevenly concealed eye-bags. « Listen, I’m not supposed to tell you this but I will anyway. My girl keeps telling me how bad it is to keep that away from you, and fuck it, she’s right. » 

You braced yourself, arms crossed, and nodded. « What’s up? »

 « Anton doesn’t know either though… » He added, before looking around and leaning towards you. 

Seconds later, you are hit with the news that scooped the ground right off your feet.

Not by surprise, because you expected it. 

You saw it coming like a lunge.

And there was no way to avoid the deadly strike, and scar it left on your poor self. 

Eunseok left to study in Japan. 

And broke contact with you.

4 years later

March 2021

« Are you sure you’re okay? » Jimin asked, as you were losing a third point into your first practice game of the day. 

You nodded, out of breath, admitting to your years-long opponent that your entire body was particularly sore today. 

She snatched her mask off, revealing a smirk curving her glossy lips « Oh right, it was Anton’s birthday yesterday, I almost forgot. »

You teasingly attacked her with your sword, shushing her up from revealing a half-truth. All three of her strikes have hit marked spots from the night before, you kept having stomach butterflies-inducing flashbacks of. What has gotten into him, you wondered, reminiscing the way your hip bones knocked on the kitchen counter, bathroom sink, and shower wall, all in an impossibly short span.

The other source of your lack of focus was not so thrilling. It was quite the opposite, since it actually terrified you, since you’ve listened, in disbelief, to your college best friend’s whereabouts on the radio. Hearing about it against your will for the past couple of years have made your grieving journey harder than it should’ve been. Four years, in which you’ve entered your twenties, moved in with your college crush, integrated the National Fencing team, adopted a kitten, and buried gold fishes have passed. Four years of secretly scrolling through Japan’s national fencing team social media posts, under Anton’s spoon, lullabied by his soft snoring. 

You hated yourself for it, though. 

But no hate you could feel against someone could possibly surpass the one you felt for Eunseok. 

Which is why you nearly crashed yourself into a tree when you heard the reason your coach was about to gather your team in the conference room. 

Song Eunseok has come back home. 

Neither did the radio host’s or your coach’s voice have made it real enough for you to believe it.

It wasn’t until he walked in under camera flashes that you’ve felt it. 

Everything. 

You felt everything come back. 

The creaking sound of the bleachers under your youthful laughs. The strawberry milk flavored, moonlit practices. The soaked kiss. His brother’s sheets and his mother’s shower gel. 

And the pain, the agonizing, visceral pain of everything being ripped out of your life on a random Thursday. 

Once the white blocky flashing lights stopped concealing the face that was once your home, you were hit with the stupid realization that, that man was your first love. 

As he blinked the lingering blindness, he looked for your face in the seated crowd.

And when he did find you, he smiled. 

He smiled at you, offering you nothing but friendship and dimples. 

As if it was enough. 

As if stupid dimples were enough to forgive leaving you in the other side of the sea, for a stupid sport. For your stupid sport. 

You couldn’t stand any of the bullshit he was standing on. You were mad, mad enough to leave the room, not as discreetly as you once did.

How dared he come back bothering the peace you have worked so hard to build, after he had so easily destroyed it? How could he smile so prettily for the cameras, knowing the one person he should be apologizing to on his knees is standing right there, apology-less? How could he not learn from his errors, and warn you this time? 

The walls of what you called home more than the one you shared with your boyfriend, suffocated you for the very first time. So you left them, and drove. And you could’ve gone to the warmth of Anton’s arms, of your bed or of your bathtub. 

But your mind longed for stress-relief, instead of relaxation. 

Although, your tensed and sore body screamed for the latter.

« Practice starts in an hour, alright? » Sohee stated, leaning on the door’s frame, the same worried expression frowning his youthful face.

Maybe, it was your heart that made you stand in front of a hoop.

« I’ll let Anton know you’re here » he added to deaf ears before leaving you, as you already started to loudly dribble the heavy ball on the shining wooden ground of the Seoul’s Basketball Team’s practice room.

You thought you were strong enough to feed your mind with thirst for scoring points, without ever drifting to Eunseok’s lips pressed against your ear, teaching you how to win. 

As you failed yet another shot, you also thought of the fact that you have never gotten close to winning against him in his discipline, when you have once shared a 9-15 points combat. 

He had been lying, you were just now realizing, dribbling away your confusion, making sense of the late epiphany you were now having. 

He didn’t approach you to teach him fencing. 

He wasn’t a genius, nor a fast-learner as he repeated. 

He already knew how to play. 

There just wasn’t any male fencing team.

And he just wanted to spend time with you. 

You scored. 

You were his first love, too. 

You picked up the ball, and scored again. 

He loved you so much, he crossed the sea so he wouldn’t have to see his first love get with what he thought was yours.

You felt lighter all of the sudden. As if the soreness and bruises from last night’s have been washed down your body. You felt light enough to dunk without sitting on Eunseok’s shoulder, for once. 

You truly felt like it. 

So you jumped, higher than you ever have in your life, and dunked. 

Adrenaline rushed in your veins in such a delightful way, that you have forgotten that as an athlete, listening to your body was the only thing that mattered. It wasn’t scores, performances, peers, sponsors, or money. It was your body. But it was too late to remember it now. 

You were on the floor.

And you couldn’t believe the thud followed by a cracking sound, was the sound of your knee. 

It couldn’t be.

🤺

Anton’s hand still rested right there, squeezing it every time a player scored. 

Uncertainty resided within your heart in his attempt to reassure you. Each squeezes feeling like thousands of swords plunging in the wound left by your crushed lifelong dreams. 

He meant well, though. He meant them like kisses. 

So you covered his hand with your palm, grounding yourself too, on the touch of your partner of 7 years. 

You thought you’d feel more sick than that, watching your first fencing game ever since the incident. 

It was not a harmless sight, nonetheless.

You missed it all so bad, thinking of it for more than a minute would make you undeniably cry rivers, for your grief was still young and fresh. It has only been two years since the Asia games’ doors closed right in front of your hopeful soul. 

Since you have been amputated of the life you have been building since you were a child. 

Since you have died on a basketball court. 

Your forehead sweat would never uncomfortably trickle down your collarbones under the hot white suit again.

You never got to unpack a new one again, smelling the fresh new fabric for days, until it would absorb your own salty smell.   

Your sword would never accidentally hit someone on public transportation again. 

And no one else would ever say that you were glued to it, whenever someone would see you eat, with it laid next to your food. 

You would never train at the gym with your teammates turned friends, giggling on the stair master for minutes again. 

You would never turn teammates into friends again.

You would never plug, and unplug yourself to the score counting matching again. 

And you would never roar from your guts whenever you’d win again. 

You would never win again. 

You never played again. 

🤺

From Anton’s arms, carrying you princess-style as he screamed for help, to the sun-bathed rehab center, a million things you were unable to properly recollect, have happened. 

You have seen therapists that have tried to find you a new purpose in life in the span of 60 minutes weekly consultations, eaten countless of close to tasteless food, received an overwhelming amount of bouquets from all of the coaches, teammates and friends you ever had, and cried after each and every one of their visits. You have dried gallons of your parent’s, Anton’s and every of your loved one’s tears. You have also started knitting, as Sungchan’s bride-to-be have brought you a starting kit to keep up with a new distraction, other than the torturing one you had of keeping up with fencing news. Keeping up with the life you should be living. The life you spent your days and nights mourning, within the four walls of your hospital room. You have even witnessed the reformation of the « Riizing Boys » within those same walls. The six of them filled it with laughter, as they decided to come playing cards and performing karaoke to you every weekends. 

All of them, except for Eunseok. 

His absence haunted your convalescence. Every day for 6 weeks, you’d meet the depressing grey ceiling first, as his face would pop-up in your mind. And every night for 6 weeks, your eyelids would heavily close to the hope of him showing up, leaning against the huge doorframe one day. 

You’d toss and turn in your sleep, wondering whether shame, guilt or none of the above refrained him from coming to visit you. And Anton, as sweet as he was, would only slip his hand out of yours when he’d be sure of your arrival in Morphea’s embrace. As long as you had him, you’d think it would be easier to forget Eunseok’s existence altogether. But you were only a girl who missed her college best friend, and the body she used to live for. 

Complaints and whines once slipped out of your mouth in the safe company of a handful of your girl friends. 

« He ain’t shit anyway », have Sohee’s high school sweetheart spat. Every one of them thoroughly nodded, agreeing to the brown-eyed woman’s truthful statement. 

« If I were you, » Started Sungchan’s promised, « I’d ask for Anton to beat him up. »

You laughed, fully knowing, by looking at her piercing blue eyes, that she meant it in all seriousness. Watching all of them tear him apart with witty insults and embarrassing memories of him during your college years brought peace to your heart. You weren’t alone, grieving the Eunseok you once knew, who’d carry bandages in his cargo pants’ pockets every day, for every single one of your aches, as tiny as they could be. The girls would sneak in the dark chocolates you’d share with him, high up in the bleachers, whilst you lined your future in the early evening stars. They’d also just sit there, merging complains and praises of their respective partners, as you crocheted them tops for their up-coming events you should’ve attended alongside them. 

Your bones would hurt less and less, whilst your prayers for his return would make themselves rarer and rarer. As you took your first trembling, impossibly challenging steps in the hospitals corridors, the idea that the hollow place in your heart for fencing could only be filled with love for a kid with Anton, bloomed in your head. You couldn’t imagine loving anything else. 

And you were everything, but ready to love again.

Your third re-walking session of the week have just ended when the hospital’s garden have looked most promenade-worthy. Soon enough, you were half hopping, half limping with your crutches among slow troupes of retired people, and limb-less recovering adults. Despite the nice track your healing was on, you have not quite often found yourself inhaling the herbal scented air, the freshly produced oxygen out of the tall trees that traced a rounded path. Finding an empty bench was a dreadful task, since everyone seemed to have chosen to take a break at the same time as you. 

You eventually found one, by a duck and koi pond. Little ducklings following around their mama suddenly made you miss Anton, when you’ve heard way too healthy steps to be from a wounded stroller, like you, right behind you. The way the rocks were smashed beneath their feet, instead of seductively dragging on the ground, immediately eliminated your boyfriend from the guessing list. 

Fear and curiosity fought a tough battle within you, as you debated whether you should turn around, or limp out of here. 

It could just be a nurse, you thought to yourself. 

Though you were far from believing in yourself. 

You didn’t even flinch, when the silhouette of a chestnut haired man quietly sat besides you. 

The koi fishes kept on aimlessly turning round and round, deep in the emerald water, and the duck family jumped out of it, one by one, as if they were giving you space to talk it out. 

Or find something to talk about. 

Clapping leaves, summer scented crickets, random droplets and wheelchairs’ wheels rolling on the rocky path. 

You were hearing everything, but an apology. 

You felt like tearing up, like dying even, when he finally spoke up.

« Break up with him. » He started.

« Be my coach. » He pleated. 

Clapping leaves, summer scented crickets, random droplets, wheelchairs’ wheels rolling on the rocky path…

And a slap. 

« What the fuck is wrong with you? » You asked, the tingling sensation lingering on your palm.

« I’m still in love with you. » He truthfully replied, his cheek reddening. 

Your ribs felt like shattering under the extreme pounding of your heart. Heat, flushed the entirety of your numbed-down, heavily medicated body. The cracking of his voice in his followings words made you realize that the only cause of your overwhelmed state was what came out of his mouth. You weren’t even looking at him, yet. And the slap seemed to already belong to history. 

« I… don’t think there are enough words to express how sorry I am. I left you before I could even give us a chance. I am so fucking stupid, and so fucking sorry. And… I’ve read it, you know. The last text you ever sent me. And, I couldn’t forget our kiss, too. To this day, I still replay it, like I’m a fucking broken disc, trying to make sense of a single kiss we shared years ago… Because you haunt me. You always have. And I’m barely brave enough to face you. And you’re the bravest person I’ve ever met. » 

He paused. 

« If I could give you my career, my knee, my entire life, I would. In a heartbeat. »

He breathed out, letting his head down, accepting the fact that you, turning to look into his eyes, was not happening, no matter how much you were fighting every single one of your muscles to not succumb. 

« Fence through me, Y/N. Coach me, live everything I took from you through me. I miss you. I miss everything about you. I miss you so much that, » He practically collapses, kneeling on the humid grass before you, his nose grazing your broken bone. « I want to be anything for you, and I will do anything for you. Please. »

As if you were programmed to do so, your palm found his thick glowing hair, smoothly gliding beneath your hand. The thoughts that formed in your head made you tremble, as the truth of your following statement planted daggers through your heart and knee. 

« I’m not the girl you miss anymore. »

Your eyes went from the calming auras forming at the surface of the pond, to the stillness of his figure. 

« You’re not just a knee, Y/N. » He replied, looking up to you.

Was it the way the teary gaze you fell in love with dived into yours, or the fact that he was the one who just pronounced the very phrase you wished for your parents, doctors, therapists, and boyfriend to tell you, that made your entire self break into tears. 

The blood that pumped through your veins, rushed with ache for the unbearable, impossible love that has just crashed onto you, your life and story.

This was it, the fireworks they talked about in novels. 

And there he was sniffing on his knees, as your face melted in your soaked palms. Your imagination could have been playing you tricks, drunk on your own tears, but you swore you could hear a bunch of passing-by people gasping and congratulating your « proposal ». Eunseok took notice of your sobs growing in intensity from the irony of it all, and sat back next to you, his thigh now glued to yours. His entire body shielded you from your own violent shakes.  

The shushing, and sea-like sound of the weeping willow’s leaves soothed you to sheer sadness, instead of devastation. 

He protectively held you for a while.

A while long enough for his tear-stained shirt to dry, whilst your head was still laying on it. 

Against the strong, trembling surface of his chest, you thought of how silly it was of you to believe that you would remain unfazed, unmoved, grossed out even, by whatever he’d have to tell you at this stage of your rehabilitation. It was way too late to apologize, and the damage was way beyond repair by now. Or so you thought, before he’d crawl out of his guilt, begging to your feet for you, and everything you selfishly wished for. 

Nevertheless, your cries reflected no relief nor blissful satisfaction in being declared unconditional, almost over-the-top love to.  

You cried out of grief, again. 

You were now witnessing what could have been the start of the story you have silently, shamefully prayed for, and peeled out of your thoughts when you’d shampoo for a bit too long. The passionate declaration that would fast-forward to a happy, lively, and sporty marriage, that you would daydream about in every rides you’d take. The fireworks, the love that burns the blood and twists the bones, that you have looked for in every corners of the pools you’d have secret dates with your boyfriend. 

You loved Anton, though. 

Which is why your eyes would take days to completely dry. 

Eunseok walked you back into your room, softly pushing on a wheelchair, since love has weakened you all over. He tried to break a laugh out of you with slaloms motions, or teased you by having longer than necessary conversations with whoever passed by him. You’d try to roll away to get faster to your room, but he’d grip on your chair hard enough to refrain you from it. It made you giggle. There were few things that he did that didn’t have this effect on you. 

He never changed, only became a better fencer.

So, easier to love.

Thus, impossible to let go of. 

And you were doomed to do it. 

3 mere hours weren’t close to enough to catch up on 7 years apart, especially since it used to take you entire evenings to properly retell what happened over lunch, even though you sat at the ends of the same table. 

But there was no time to tell him about your pregnancy scare, the 6 months long fight you’ve had with Anton’s coach, the day you went skydiving, or the drama that happened over that one couple in your class you used to hate on back then. Because Anton would be there in less than half an hour. And because you cared about him, there was no way you’d have Eunseok like this again. 

Each and every seconds that passed before the inevitable felt all too cruel. 

Here you sat, under the ugly grey light of the room. It would be the last one you’d shine in as the best friend you once were to him, and vice versa.

Even under the ugly grey light, setting eyes on him only further confirmed the truth you were terrified to spend a lifetime coping with.

It was him. 

Your greatest love was him. 

After all, Anton never fenced with you. 

The conversation you were having on each of the boys’ career unwillingly died down now. Silence sat right between you, amplifying your fear of saying goodbye. It was palpable, the force that linked the two of you, now at breaking point.

The way your throat painfully knotted itself even made you doubt on the way you parted from fencing. Was it less, or as painful as choosing your boyfriend of seven years, the one guy you have fantasized about all your youth, over the one person who made the word « soulmate » make sense ?

Each of you exchanged sorry glances, carefully coated in humble gratefulness for the moment.

« Tell me there’s a way. » He ended up sighing, lacing his fingers together, wishing for his other hand to be yours.

You tilted your head in confusion, curiosity, and in all honesty, slight fear of what he was about to say. 

« Tell me there’s a way I can be yours. »

His last desperate word lingered in the air. The air that felt harder to breathe all of the sudden. 

He was right, there had to be a way. 

So you searched for inspiration on his face, lightly twisted in worry. And found it, on the tiny horizontal scar right above his left eyebrow. Seeing it up-close made you 18 again, watching your sword wiggling around in his hands as he yelled out matching sound effects. The memory of a single tear of blood slowly falling along his startled face made you chuckle on your growing tears. And here stood the adult version of the boy you were, and will always be, deeply fond of. 

You still couldn’t believe you were losing him.  

Sport was the most beautiful thing that have ever came into your life. Your baby teeth would fall into your helmet, and grow back during the youth you sacrificed to the épée. The only thing that made your parents buy four other shelves for your trophies was setting your mind to win. Your mind never lusted over anything else than winning, and seeing others putting their entire self into it. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that you lived for it. 

The thirst that turns your body in a unrecognizable anxiety-induced carnage, the adrenaline that endlessly floods from your brain to your toes, and the orgasmic, other-worldly sensation of having the victorious status placed upon you, shining like a crown. 

And if you wouldn’t be able to live through it all again, you deserved to watch it unravel. 

Your lips popped out of the cage of teeth you trapped them in. 

A tiny smirk stretched them, illuminating your desperate face. 

« Become an Olympic Champion next year. » 

🤺

14-13

Anton’s hand felt too heavy on your knee, your scar jolted awake in bolts of pains by his sweet, sweet thumb grazing it. This abnormal pressure was shared by every pieces of fabric that stuck on your sprinkling skin. The scores and whistles controlled your now manual breathing. Your stomach tied itself around nothing recent to digest. You barely blinked, your blown up irises hysterically dancing in between the two players, studying their every movements. You also turned your knuckles a worrying shade of white as you gripped your plastic seat. 

It was safe to say : you were losing your shit. 

Eunseok have carelessly lost points all over the second part, screaming his rage out every time he did so. Your tongue could be bleeding from all those times you have refrained yourself from joining him in his act, or downstairs. Glancing at the score, realizing that you might be a point away for your world to collapse, was making your skin burn in all sorts of places, an acidic taste slowly blooming in your mouth. If it weren’t for the delightful, gut-wrenching spectacle you were a lucky live witness of, you’d be cursing yourself to the hells for that stupid challenge you gave him. 

You actually thought he wouldn’t make it to the finale.

But now that he did, you found yourself praying for Yannick Borel’s immediate downfall. 

« En Garde… »

He just had to miss two times. 

« Prêts ? »

But he also just had to score, once. 

« Allez ! »

You stopped breathing. 

The players hopped in place, as did your indexes on the edge of your seat, as if they were little characters you controlled. The squeaky sound of their soles hitting the graphic floor echoed for a little while, until Eunseok decided to first break synchronization on their hops. 

He feinted attacks on Borel’s under defensed’s left arm. And another one, down his thigh.  

If Eunseok was a bolder fencer, he already would’ve had the point, you thought. 

But he was the surprising the type. 

The type you used to hate confronting. 

Constantly playing defense, until they see a breach open, an opportunity to seize when your guard is down, and run to you with big steps, like a recurrent nightmare catching you up in your needed sleep. 

Kissing you with death. 

Borel understood, and grew accustomed to his attacking style at least 5 points ago. 

Though, he still had a hard time defensing every parts of his body against it.

He defended his arm by wrapping it around his lower torso, crouched, now reaching for Eunseok’s thighs. 

His sword swooped the air. 

14-14

Eunseok landed from his jump, his point stinging Borel’s shoulder blades. 

As soon as he scooped the victory off Yannick’s back, you were on your feet, screaming your lungs out. Anton jolted, placing his hand on your hips as an attempt to hold you if you were to fall. He looked up at you, watching you roar a « Come on » from the depths of your guts, a sound he has never quite heard before. 

Under the Palais’ stadium lights, each and every strands of the crown of your hair, backlit to shades of blues and golds, made you look like an actual goddess. There he sat, in awe of the woman he was certain he could spend a lifetime worshipping. And there you stood, knowing you should be peeling your eyes away from Eunseok’s sweaty smile of relief plastered all over the screens, especially since Anton had a light grip on your shirt, but you thoroughly knew that you couldn’t. You couldn’t stop looking at him, the dark shiny hair strands that were glued to his forehead, the dimples that dug through his cheeks, and then, the switch in his eyes and furrowed eyebrows, when it was time to put the mask on, and lock back in. 

You were the last of your row to sit back down as the arena grew quieter. 

Waves of panic in it’s purest state crashed on your entire being, in forces that felt as if your soul would detach itself from your body. You were reaching stress-levels you thought unbeatable minutes ago. Anton quickly took notice of your trembling legs, and perfect manicure progressively getting ruined. His hands shielded yours from your shaking teeth, as he made you look at him for a second, thankfully, during time-out. 

The sight of his soft traits relaxed yours in a miraculous instant. 

His touch cooled you down. 

His thumb lovingly caressing the side of your fist slowed down your breathing. 

And as if your heart haven’t found enough peace in him, he reached for your hair, petting it, murmuring « Are you okay? » to the thresholds of your tortured soul. 

You nodded, gulping your huge lie down your chest, where you felt a big pressure. It finally came down to you, in a flash, the absolute stupidity of your challenge. 

You were possibly a point away from losing the one thing that made your life hold together.

The person who picked you up, pieces by pieces, from your shattered state on the court’s floor, to your first teary-eyed jogging session along the Han River. 

The one person you’ve granted access to each and every parts of your body. 

The one person who’d peel all of the pistachios, and gut out all the pomegranates for you. 

The one person who’d sneak a sample of your perfume in all of his coat’s pockets.

The one person you’d cook for his mother, father, siblings, and himself.

The one person you’ve made a home with, and made a home of.

In the end, Anton has proved himself to be your favorite person in the entire world. 

In the end, you were the one that always refused to teach him fencing, for your own selfish sake, when all he wanted was to know you, and each of the worlds you belonged to completely. 

There was a part of your soul that you’ve denied him access to, and instead of complaining, or forcing you, he just waited. 

You never ended your nod, your head still hanging low, out of shame, guilt, pain and everything else that has been crushing you for the entirety of the combat. Your partner peeked at your hidden face, and needed no more information than the muffled sound of you sniffing to bury your head in his chest. The last point was about to be gained, by a player or another, but you couldn’t peel yourself away from him. You couldn’t watch it. 

It was better this way.

Everything was better in Anton’s arms. 

Even losing him. 

The same squeaky sound of the fencer’s shoes on the platform echoed yet again through the hall. The church-like silence that dances with them, though, have never felt so heavy on everyone’s shoulders. It was okay, though, with Anton’s palms on yours, and the beating of his heart to focus on. It oddly felt comforting to imagine that he knew about what was at stake here. His tight hold on you, feeling like the last grasp of air a drowning person would do. His focused eyes, replacing yours, as if you sent him to battle to death with Eunseok for you.

The actual battle that occurred beneath you felt like a never-ending one. As calm and still as you could be, you tested your patience and almost meditated to the sound of Eunseok’s hops and grunts, tickling your burning ear. Even if you’ve mentally fought yourself a few times to just fuck it and turn around, Anton wouldn’t allow you. 

You were stuck to the bone, until the whistle would blow.

And it did. 

And the announcer’s voice from the speakers, unknowingly, cracked open your life into two, one part of which you will never know the outcome of.

A part you were doomed to mourn, again, forever. 

15-14

—

The sea of blue bleachers slowly cleared itself above you, as the Korean, French, and German flags lowered themselves to the ground. The rain of confettis slowly died down, also, pooling on people’s hair and shoulders. The crowd left in waves, the time in between the beautiful spectacle of sport they were all privileged enough to see, and the train of their lives about to restart, hanging in the air, lingering. Your eyes aimlessly swept around the Grand Palais, encountering as many celebrating and saddened faces as it could in a matter of seconds. 

Though, it left you thoughtless.

You felt like nothing but a bag of blood, bones and flesh, walking in your man’s steps, lighter and lighter as you walked, free of all the stress that previously crushed your heart. 

He guided you to an event you were certain of replaying throughout the rest of your life, but you numbly followed him still.

And you arrived to destination. Your first view being Eunseok’s shoes a meter away from yours. 

Losing your knee, your life, your entire career, and processing it all from the beginning each time you fell asleep, was a hundred times easier than simply looking up. 

Anton, your sweet Anton, slipped his hand out of your grasp to swiftly put it on your lower back, before he went reaching for Eunseok, who just like you, simply missed his college best friend. 

The devastating sight of their embrace cured you from your aches. You saw love pour out of them, for each other. So much, that you briefly caught yourself suspecting a secret connexion, as some of the lingering touches and glances they offered each other happened to be a second too long. An inch too loving. 

You didn’t have time, to investigate, though, as it was now your cue to get stabbed in the heart. You thought you’d explode out of love when you’d crash into Eunseok’s arms, and feel his heavy, dangling medal dig its way into your ribs. You thought you’d faint, or die, even. 

Even though they were close to happening, none of them occurred. 

He caged you in his sobbing body, matching yours, you melted, as did he. Your respective embraces crushed each of you, as much as it soothed you. You, by the salty smell of your firsts loves, fencing and Eunseok. And him, by the vanilla smell of the hair he’d lock in a singular braid before you’d go to battle, whether it was under the bleachers, or projectors. He had to stop himself from running his hand through it, for the sole public of this scene silently grew impatient, and jealous. 

You knew it. 

He knew it. 

And you stayed there, privately celebrating, inhaling and already missing each other.

Before he could peel himself off, you heard him whisper an apology by the crook of your neck, instantly raising the hairs on it, and making your fists tremble around his fresh suit. 

He patted the new growing sobs away on your back, and looked up to the glass ceiling, through which he caught the moon, looking down on your doomed, broken souls. 

You eventually parted, as the universe, and the referee decided.  

« Congratulations on your medal, Eunseok. » You managed to say, looking directly into his eyes. 

You haven’t known any heavier burden to carry other than the white silver rock on your ring finger, matching the shiny medal that covered the pieces you left his heart in. 

« Congratulations on your wedding, Y/N. » He replied, sincerely smiling. 

GOTHAMGF©

author's note : muahahaha.... this is my very first riize work and work in a long while. hope you enjoyed, I really liked writing this :)

[lovelesscherub]

come find heaven with me

2k of nsfw & fluffy harringrove for valentine's day ♡

It was a very typical Friday night in their apartment. Billy was sitting up with his back against the headboard of their bed, a book propped in his hand, while Steve slept soundly next to him. The dim light coming from the bedside lamp on Billy's side was bright enough to let Billy read without straining his eyes, but not too bright to disturb Steve's peaceful dreams.

Billy liked to keep the bedroom window cracked open at night, letting the slight breeze in to cool down the stuffy air that built up in the apartment during the day when it was too hot to open any windows, suffocating them because the rickety old fan in the corner of the room that the previous tenants had left behind didn't really do much to help.

He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath as the breeze played with the pages of his book. A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth when he realized how calm he felt, how content.

It hadn't always been like this, even though Billy had thought that moving back to California would simply be enough to wipe his life clean of any problems, would be the answer to everything. He was back home and he had a boyfriend. He was free, and spoiled by sunshine and the ocean every single day. What else could he possibly have wanted?

But the first few months back in California had been hard. Really, really hard. Home had changed. Billy's old friends had moved away or moved on, and Billy couldn't navigate around with the same ease as he had once used to. He had known this place like the back of his hand, had known exactly which spots to recommend when tourists stopped him for advice at the beach because they knew just by looking at him that he was a local. A golden surfer boy. But Billy felt just as out of place, those first few months. And there were the nightmares and the trauma, too, of course.

It had been hard for Steve to adjust as well, and they had fought a lot. They argued over money, mostly, when they started running out of their savings, and hadn't found jobs yet, and rent and bills were already overdue. Steve got especially cranky when he was overheated, and he had told Billy many times that he was never going to get used to the weather, or the people, and that they were going to run out of money, and it would be best for Steve to just move back.

And Billy had almost given up and let him go.

Almost.

But as he glanced at the naked form of his sleeping boyfriend, Billy realized that giving up and letting Steve go had never been a real option, and he knew that Steve wouldn't really have left him, wouldn't have given up on him, either. Billy had a person like that in his life now, his rock, who he trusted with his whole life and soul. He wouldn't have been here without Steve, his beautiful brave boy.

The faded light blue sheet Steve held against his chest in his sleep didn't cover the rest of his body, so Billy got to admire him in the dim light. All the moles dotted across his skin were like markings on a map of where Billy's lips belonged. His long, long legs, his plush ass, and the arch of his ribs, until his gaze traveled up to Steve's sunburned shoulders.

They had spent the day at the beach, but no amount of sun cream had been enough to save Steve's pale skin from the sun. But Steve wasn't cranky about it anymore, even though Billy knew how painful sunburns were, and Steve's shoulders and the back of his neck had been glowing red when they had finally headed home for dinner. Steve loved the beach just as much as Billy did. Adjusting, see?

Billy had applied a calming lotion onto Steve's skin before bed, hands working ever so gently over his neck and shoulders, and the relieved little hums and moans spilling from his boyfriends lips still echoed in Billy's ears as Steve had enjoyed the cooling effect of the lotion on his poor skin.

Sleeping naked didn't come naturally to Steve, meanwhile Billy had gotten used to it since the first sticky-sweaty summers of his childhood. Now they both slept naked, and Billy could tell that Steve appreciated the gentle breeze coming in through the window just as much as he did.

Things were good now. They were very good.

Billy rubbed a hand over his face and then shut his book with a dull thud that made Steve stir slightly next to him. He slid the book onto the bedside table and then clicked the lamp shut as he settled down.

Moonlight painted their bedroom in silver streaks and made Steve look ethereal. Billy was itching to touch him, and he couldn't help but press himself flush against Steve's back. 

He pressed his lips to Steve's shoulder, kissing his tender skin gently. He could taste the remnants of the lotion, could smell the sea-salt on Steve's skin, could smell the familiar scent of his coconut body wash. Billy wrapped an arm around Steve's middle to bring him that much closer, palm splayed across Steve's stomach, sliding up and down slowly.

"You're still up", Steve's voice was a groggy whisper as he stirred awake.

"Mhm", Billy answered against the curve of Steve's neck, and he felt Steve's hand come to a rest on top of his own on Steve's stomach, slotting his fingers between Billy's own.

Billy brought their hands up to Steve's chest, could feel Steve's steady heartbeat against the palm of his hand. He liked that feeling. It was nice and grounding.

"You're beautiful", Billy whispered, nudging his nose behind the shell of Steve's ear which made Steve let out a breathy laugh. Billy could feel the tiny shiver running down Steve's spine, and because he knew it was a sensitive spot for Steve, he pressed a kiss behind his ear for good measure.

"Billy..." his name fell like an ode from Steve's lips.

"Yeah?"

Steve moved Billy's hand down along his body, the sheet sliding out of the way completely as Steve placed Billy's hand between his legs where Billy could feel Steve chubbing up already.

Billy responded by shifting his hips and slotting his own hard-on against Steve's ass, right between his cheeks, and grinding against him. It made Steve let out a little gasp.

Billy had learned to take things a little slower and enjoy it. Oh, he still very much enjoyed it when they fucked quick and rough because they didn't have too much time, when they were still mostly clothed and desperate to get each other off. But when they had the time, Billy wanted to cherish every movement, every sound and feeling.

Steve could get impatient, though. Sometimes Billy enjoyed teasing him, testing his patience, but most of the time he gave his pretty boy everything he wanted.

"Lube?" Steve's voice came breathy and needy.

Billy peeled himself off of Steve enough to reach back over his side of the bed towards the bedside table, and as he tugged the drawer open, the bottle of lube rattled in its usual place.

A little box slid next to it. A little black velvet ring box, with a gold band inside that Billy had picked out for Steve a few weeks ago. His heart skipped a beat at the sight of it. It's not like he had forgotten about it. He had spent the first week after buying it turning the ring over between his fingers at night when Steve slept, but the past few days had been busy and he hadn't had time to think about it too much. No cold feet, no second thoughts. Tomorrow was the day. He was going to propose to Steve tomorrow, and he had never been more sure about anything in his life.

He grabbed the lube and pressed the drawer shut, returning to Steve.

He squirted a generous amount of lube onto his fingers, slid them between Steve's cheeks and petted against Steve's hole which made Steve's body jolt lightly. He relaxed into it immediately, though.

"The cold feels nice", Steve sighed and Billy grinned.

He hooked his other arm under the back of Steve's knee and brought his leg up to have some more room, sliding one lube-slick finger inside Steve.

"How's the sunburn?" Billy asked to distract him, to help him relax. 

"Better", Steve murmured, and Billy peppered soft kisses across Steve's shoulder and upper back, the back of his neck as another finger slid inside with ease. Steve felt relaxed against him, relaxed into the stretch and the kisses.

Three fingers deep, it was easy to get Steve worked up. Billy enjoyed teasing against that sweet spot inside him, enjoyed feeling the way Steve's body got a little tense in anticipation when Billy's fingers pressed closer to where Steve really wanted them, but Billy never gave in enough.

"Need you inside, Billy, please", Steve whined, so syrupy-sweet and needy, that Billy couldn't say no.

He withdrew his fingers and smeared the remaining lube onto his achingly hard cock, gave it a few firm strokes before lining himself up against Steve's entrance and sliding home.

"Fuck", Steve moaned, breathy and drawn out.

"God, you're so fucking warm, baby", Billy murmured, nipping at the shell of Steve's ear as he gave himself a moment to adjust to the velvety heat of Steve's insides.

He picked up a steady rhythm to move inside Steve and listened to the sounds of pleasure spilling from Steve's lips, and he was aching to taste them. He nudged his nose against Steve's jaw and Steve immediately knew to tilt his head back so that Billy could capture his mouth in a kiss.

He drank in all of Steve's whimpers and moans as they got louder with each deep thrust, and sucked on Steve's tongue in that filthy way that made Steve's dick twitch.

"Oh, f-fuck, right there, baby, please", Steve's pleas were like music to Billy's ears, and he kept grinding in slow and deep movements to give Steve exactly what he needed.

"Fuck, princess", Billy gasped when Steve clenched around him, so tight and warm it made Billy's hips stutter.

Steve's hand was on his dick, the pretty pink tip leaking precum over his fingers, and Billy decided to pick up the pace just a little bit.

Steve brought his free arm up and reached back to bring his hand around to Billy's hair, sliding his fingers into Billy's curls and holding on.

Billy could feel droplets of sweat sliding down along his back, and he could taste the droplets of sweat on Steve's skin as he latched his mouth onto the side of Steve's neck and bit down, sucked just hard enough to leave a little mark for later. He was a possessive little shit and Steve loved it.

"That's it, baby. Feel good, hm?" Billy cooed, kissing up along the side of Steve's neck as he felt Steve getting close.

That was enough to send Steve over the edge, making a mess over his own fist as his orgasm made him shiver so deliciously against Billy, and the only words falling from his lips were Billy Billy Billy and fuck fuck fuck.

"There you go, my pretty boy. So good for me", Billy grunted.

Steve tilted his head back to lock eyes with Billy, and with the sweetest little whine he pleaded: "Come inside me, I wanna feel you."

"God, fuck", Billy moaned, tightening his hold on Steve's leg, spreading it as wide as he could as he thrust sharp and deep, chasing his own orgasm. "Gonna fill you up so good."

He muffled his moans into Steve's mouth in a kiss as he came, and a pleased little sound came from Steve as a response to being filled up and satiated.

Billy let go of Steve's leg and watched it tremble slightly as Steve stretched it out before placing it down to rest. His hand found its way back to Steve's stomach to keep him close, and Steve's own hand, as if pulled by a magnet, came to rest on top of it again. Billy wasn't planning on moving any time soon. This right here, he could stay like this forever. Even Steve wasn't complaining about the sticky mess, the sweat between their bodies and their come cooling down, so who was Billy to disturb the peace.

"I love you", Steve murmured, pleased and sleepy.

It tugged at Billy's heartstrings. He brought their intertwined fingers up to his lips and kissed along Steve's knuckles.

"I love you, too", he hummed.

He kept their hands there for a moment and smiled to himself at the fact that tomorrow Steve was going to have a gold ring on his finger.

Steve had to say yes, right? Billy really, really wanted Steve to say yes.

[everparanoid]

love languages w/ Wriothesley

F! Reader, Fluff, NSFW, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

𝐍𝐨𝐰 𝐥𝐨𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠...

╭────────────────────────╮

"Love should be warm."

Wriothesley grew up hearing words of affirmation from parents who did not love him or his siblings. Thus, as an adult, he cares little for spoken declarations of love and adoration--though they do stroke his ego. Instead, he savours acts of service, quality time, and physical touch. This is reflected in how he gives and receives love. When Wriothesley falls in love, he falls hard. It is not a love he will declare to the world but rather a subtle love, at least in front of the world. His love is not one of words, though he does say them and will if they happen to be your love language, but his love is wordless. It is a love of the tiny things. The insignificant things. The things that others would dismiss as unimportant things. He will notice how your tone changes when you tell him that you love him; how you bring him his morning tea just the way he likes it or how your gestures soften to his touch. He will be thankful for all the little things you do to express your love that you may not realise he has noticed, but it is that innocence in itself—that pure unfiltered action of love that will make his heart defrost.

Wriothesley is not fussy about gifts. That is not to say that he does not like them, but he does not like owing people. If he were to receive a gift from you, however, he would be thankful. But he would still repay your kindness in other small ways. He will do trivial things to make your life easier even if it is as simple as making sure your Welfare meal is your favourite dish rather than the rubbish everyone else gets; it will be even better than his. It may also be listening to you rant about something that you do not want advice about but just need an ear to hear you and a person to be on your side. He is your shoulder to cry, but he won’t force his presence on you. And he will speak sense into you if you are beating yourself up for something he does not believe you should be beating yourself up for. He does not expect anything in return from you but if you were to bring him his super welfare meal whilst he is sorting through Meropide’s recent pile of paperwork, it is safe to say the paperwork will not be the only thing getting done in his office that afternoon.

Wriothesley is a man with more time on his hands than he likes to let people in on. Mostly because he likes not being disturbed. Nor does he like letting people know that his time is free. After all, it is not. Even if he does not have strict plans for his day, he is still a remarkably busy man. He’ll have something that he is doing even if that something is you. Wriothesley is not co-dependent, but he does love to spend as much time as he can in your presence if he can. Which he can… so why wouldn’t he? That means when he has won a fight in the pankration ring and he is having his injuries tended to by Sigewinne, he will be wrapped around you like a giant sweaty Koala. Which will be a nuisance for all parties involved aside from Wriothesley—he’s in heaven. Another time would be when Clorinde comes to visit he will have you within touching distance whilst he engages in conversation… that is if you agree to be there.

These small acts of service and love of physical touch come into play in your sex life as well. As a self-proclaimed king of foreplay, Wriothesley loves to make sure that you are pleased first. Most of this comes down to the principle that sex is one of the most intimate acts a couple partake in. Expect long sleepless nights under the sheets of your shared bed with him completely pussy-whipped, eating you out until you can't take anymore. He'll grin devilishly as he appears from under the sheets, resting his chin on your chest as he tries to coerce you into giving him one more.

"Come on, my love," he says softly. "One more."

"I thought the last one was the last one," you respond. You take in shallow breaths in hopes of soothing your racing heart. He loves the feeling of your heart racing under your glistening skin.

"I promise this time will be the last," he says, rubbing circles along your inner thighs. He bats his eyes innocently. Though the man staring at you with the eyes of a shark is nothing less than a wolf in sheep's clothing. And you were the idiot who kept falling for his trick. With a kiss to your stomach, he coos your name. "Have I ever broken a promise?"

Even if the only thing that happens that night is you reaching your climax, it would be enough for him. If you were to do the same for him, he would become putty in your hands. It plays into his whole Dom but with a switch undertones vibe that he has going on. It isn’t the words of praise that get him off in the end but more so the idea of you wanting to do this for him that will push him over the edge. Pillow talk is a must; Wriothesley doesn't fall asleep straight after sex surprisingly. He savours these moments after sex to catch up and make it known--even though you were near him most of the day--how much he adores you. He'll try his best to fall asleep after you; to watch your body relax in his arms. But on the nights that he doesn't, he'll hold you close keeping you both warm in the cold underwater fortress.

Loving for Wriothesley is warm. It’s about trust and transparency. It is about being honest even if it makes one of you look weak or less than public pretences expect you to be. It is about meeting each other not exactly halfway but close enough. It’s about the small things that you do for each other that are unnecessary and minor in the grand scheme of things but are filled with love.

╰────────────────────────╯

A short one to get back into the flow of things.

Reblogs w/ tags and comments are very much appreciated! If you enjoyed this, feel free to consider dropping a follow as well! <3

KO-FI MASTERLIST

[newkatzkafe2023]

Ya know

Iva always wondered what the Sun Wukong's would be into

Like what traits do they find attractive (I can already tell with BMW because he "loves serial killer woman" lol)

What would they want in a partner huh???🤔 I never thought about it but let me see🙃

(Lmk Wukong) He would look for someone who is cheerful, kind and know how to have fun. Someone who silly but still way more responsible then he'll ever be, Wukong loves how you always make sure he has everything he needs along with Mk. He also likes how much you get emotional when he's injured, and even though he's immortal you still worry over him like you were hurt as well. Wukong loves how you care so much despite him being strong, it tells him that you will always be there and will always support him forever. 🥰

(MKR Wukong) Somebody It is the same as a rose beautiful with thorns meaning, a woman with a sweet face but sharp claws. You would also would have only some expectations for him but you would also know that he tries his hardest every day for you. Therefore you would reward him with kisses and the affection he deserves from you, you also can get a tad bit violent especially to anyone who's a threat to your husband and Fruity And it puts a blush on his face everytime.😩

(NR Wukong) Somebody who can always keep him grounded, but can keep up with the wild side of Sun Wukong gets into every day. You keep him from making a mess of things, but you still laugh along his antics and mishaps. You're a good sport, about it too. He also loves how you have some wisdom yourself as you would give Li and Su your input and advice to him them in the long run. Wukong also loves how you would tease him lovingly and be mischievous too, over all its always a trip with you😉

(HIB Wukong) Supportive and kind, along with motherly and protective of your love ones. That's what he looks for in a wife although you can tease him about his grumpy face and surprise it with kisses and snuggles. Wukong appreciates how scary you can get when he and the kids were to ever be put in danger and gets protective. You also someone who understands his frustrations and be a good listening ear, and would hug him for support. Wukong is just glad to have you here, along with The kids and pigsy.👨‍👩‍👧‍👧

(Netflix Wukong) He absolutely needs the motherly type of wife. You are firm but also loving. You would scold him whenever he does something he's not supposed to, but unlike most people, you would at least explain to him why he did what he did was wrong. You never judge him on anything he does, but you make sure to get how you feel across, especially with your disappointment on him. Though you always tell him that he's a good man and to never listen to the nasty people who insult and belittle him. Your love for him, is what he should focus on.🤱

(BMW Wukong) You Hit the nail on the head😂, he would love to marry a woman who could possibly kill him immortality be damned🤣🤣🤣. You were at first cheerful and charismatic to him and even a tad bit mischievous, teasing him ever so slightly. But the your true colors came to be as wild, ferocious, not afraid to get your claws dirty and never let anyone especially the heavens tell you what to do. Wukong wanted to put a ring on your figure the second you ripped that one celestial's eyes out with your thumbs. Wukong still purrs whenever you Threaten his life to this day🤤

(Destined one) He would love someone adventurous and a sweet travel buddy to explore with. You also understand his body language and pay close attention to his likes and dislikes, he also like someone who can cause a little mischief to him as well and it would be both cute and funny. You share every discovery you make together strengthening your bond, your quite the whisperer as well trying not to disturb him. The Destined one's greatest treasure though is the marriage he gets to have with you.🥹

FEEL FREE TO REBLOG🫶

[cybsoo2]

yandere bts profile

╰┈➤ synopsis — Stories of seven men living their yandere lives.

╰┈➤ pairing — yandere!bts x reader

╰┈➤ word count — 4.3k

╰┈➤ content warning — murder, yandere behavior, stalker behavior, manipulative behavior, graphic depictions of violence, kidnapping, suicide, self-harm, vomiting, invasion of privacy, talk of religion

—Kim Seokjin

yandere type — manipulative and overprotective

watch out for! — overprotection, isolating, self-imposing, monitoring, spy cams, invasion of privacy

Seokjin speaks sweet lies

He’s such a good liar that he’s even begun to deceive himself

He’ll tell himself these selfish sins are for the greater good

Misleading you and manipulating others is one of his many skills

Although he holds no affection for anyone else and is inclined to ruin their lives through manipulation, he doesn’t dare try it on you

Although the fate of your friends and foes is different, He’d never hurt you, wouldn’t lay a finger on you unless you asked

He doesn’t want your love to be a lie, to become warped and wrecked into images unknown

Instead, he leads you astray when you step too close to his sinful secrets

When a coworker with a crush comes too close for his liking, he’ll whisper the words, “He’s not good enough for you sweetheart.”

Your friends offer an invitation to get drunk one dark night, “It’s too dangerous to drink this late at night, stay inside with me instead.”

And maybe one morning, a slithering suspicion sits still in your mind

You ask him why he’s so protective, so passionate, so possessive, and he’ll tell you, “I love you like no other.”

Jin cares about your safety

He wishes you’d be healthy and happy all the time

Although, his methods of achieving this dream can have some consequences

He’ll worm his way into your life

He looms over you with a loving presence

But if he’s not careful enough, his ‘love’ can be suffocating

He monitors your actions, not stalking, but spying on you through other methods

He’ll set up cameras to make sure you don’t get hurt

Of course a fragile fawn like you needs him in order to survive

He takes the truth from your friends to figure out how you’ve been doing

He’ll read your messages to find the deviant souls that might harm you

He gives biased advice (Though you don't know it) in order to keep you close to him

Misleading your crushes by telling them that you’re already taken

He keeps you away from everyone else, so much so that some friends become distant and disturbed at the sight of him

Jin is willing to be whatever you what so long as he can stay by your side

He’ll be your friend, a brother, a lover

He’s perfect for you, if it weren’t from the looming sense of danger that falls in his shadow

—Min Yoongi

yandere type — obsessive and possessive

watch out for! — murder, codependency, self-containment

Yoongi hides his true nature behind longing looks and a distant friendship

He keeps calm underneath a cold exterior

Yoongi stays to himself and watches you from afar

He may murder any pests that cross your path, but he wouldn’t dream of hurting you

You’d never assume he mutilates men and women while you sleep

He brings you glory through each slash and stab of scarlet

Yoongi just might be a cruel killer, but the worst types of killers are those who’ve become self aware

He holds a court of immoral justice in his head 

Killing based off bias, yet he can’t find himself to care

You’ve made him into a merciless man, which is why he can’t stop once he’s set his mind on something

He’ll put on a plaster face, he’ll be kind, and quiet, and normal 

Yet even if his body stays at shore, a selfish need sings him out to sea

Yoongi believes in codependency, you need him and he needs you

He may put himself in a position that demands him to be close to you

He could be a coworker, a classmate, or perhaps a neighbour

But you can bet that you’ve met him before

Yoongi is too dependent on the normality you two have to act on his obsession

He understands his sick self and knows the consequences if he confesses

Yoongi knows that he won’t be able to hide the horrors of who he truly is, so he doesn’t even take the chance

He believes in a loyal love and couldn’t lie to you if you had a real romance

He’ll take what he can get and make sure no one else can get in the way

His obsession is closed away in the corner of his heart (But that’s not exactly true since his whole heart belongs to you)

His passion is put on the shelf to collect dust in the dark

A distant dream that had no hope of really happening

It rots away in his ribcage, tearing him apart from the inside out

His sickness is a symptom of this strange fixation

He throws up three times a day

The bile burns through his throat and now drops of blood join the rest of his lost lunch

A running list of other side-effects include: sleep loss, hypersomnia, depression, loss of appetite, etc.

Yoongi is always wanting the dream that waits

Sometimes, he sees a sliver of it in his sleep

A feverish fantasy where you embrace like lovers and kiss without consequences

But then he wakes up to reality and wishes this illness had never infected him

Your love is like a leech, bleeding him to the bone and testing his tenacity

But then tomorrow arrives and he sees the smile he’s so lost in love with

His inertia is eternal and he’ll never give up what he has for his unlikely odds

Your life remains pretty much the same except for the missing men and women that hurt you many months ago

You would never suspect that the sweet, yet shy Yoongi has his heart in your hold

—Jung Hoseok

yandere type — clingy, obsessive, and delusional

watch out for! — self-harm, suicide, dependency, delusion, mixing fantasy with reality, insecurity

Despite how intense his love can be, he never acts as more than desperate and delusional when it involves you

There’s no need to worry about mysterious murders when it comes to Hoseok

He doesn’t have the patience, planning, or guts to kill anyone 

He’d rather reap his worries and run away from the issue

He’s comes crying to you at the slightest inconvenience

You’re the savior of his soul who soothes all his sorrows

Such a saint you are, putting up with someone as pathetic and plain as this broken boy

Even when the roles are reversed and your upset under a burden of blue, Hobi will be your crying companion

He can’t help it, seeing you so sad evokes excruciating emotions

Someone as sweet as yourself doesn’t deserve to be depressed, which is why he’ll do anything it takes to be your sunshine in the storm

Hoseok is someone that clings close to you

Always following you around wherever you go and sticking by your side

Hoseok desperately depends on you, he may be your sunshine but you’re his hope

You’re the reason he’s like this after all

You gave him a glimpse of happiness, a unique thing in this large universe

He sees you as his angel, always right and a savior to the lovesick

Your kindness and compassion are what immediately intrigued him

But what made him unable to shake this obsession is how special you made him feel

You look into his eyes and you see him as an individual

You see his soul for all it’s crimson colours and still accept him

That’s when his delusion begins to distort the realm of reality

He truly believes you love him like he loves you

Why else would you take pity on a poor soul like him

His insecurities suffocate him, telling him he isn’t good enough for you

Yet you still stay, never once have you thought of the boy as a burden

This twisted love ties into his dreams

He dreams of the distant future: tangled in each others embrace, whispering your carmine confessions, and living out the rest of your lives as lovers

These fantasies feel so real that sometimes Hoseok swears they actually happened

That kiss you shared in the shadows last week? Totally real!

You falling asleep in his arms after crying out your confessions? Definitely happened according to Hoseok!

But when these fairy tales fizzle out, Hobi is left with lost dreams and a broken heart

Falling down from heaven, he’s struck by the hard-hitting truth

You don’t love him and even if you did he wouldn’t deserve it

He cries and tries to cut himself clean

Emptying out the red as it runs down the drain

He lets out the pain on his pinkening flesh

One day he may fall too far

Running the red blade over his arteries until all he can see is black blood

But he’s hopeful for now, this imaginary event would only happen if you turned to hate him

Screaming that he’s a psycho and a sinner

Crying cause you can never be alone, him always at your side

Telling him how much you hate him

Saying you wish to never see him again

It would take a lot for Hoseok to fully lose his heart

And the loss of your love is the one thing that would sink his sorrows

Without your light to guide him, it would send him overboard into the black abyss

—Kim Namjoon

yandere type — manipulative and devotee

watch out for! — collector, murder, manipulation, worship, extreme obsession

Namjoon worships the water you walk on 

Yet this twisted type of religion isn’t right, it isn’t even real

In his mind, you’re an angel of purity and perfection 

You’re the cause of every good event that happens to him

You single handedly uplift his life and give him guidance 

And he’s just happy to be the devotee to his one and only divine

As aforementioned, Namjoon is a collector

His entire home is a museum of memories

Tiny trinkets are stacked on shelves, and useless objects are crowded into of the corners of his room

But every piece has a purpose, each and every object leads back to you

Outsiders may say he’s a hoarder, but Namjoon remembers why so many red bottles are shoved under his bed

You endorsed a beauty brand and he bought out the entire stock

Now every time he does his nightly routine, he can sense the faint feeling of your skin on his

Shoved in his drawers is the jewelry you just wore

Replicas of bronze bracelets or ruby rings

He wears noir necklaces like a noose around his neck

Chained up under your control, you decide his destiny

When he wears copies of your clothes, sometimes he feels slightly closer to you

Like he can hear you whispering right from wrong in his ear

Telling him what to do and how to do it

Namjoon doesn’t think for himself

His emotions are almost artificial, only responding with empathy when it relates to you

He’s lost interest in the social scene, but still goes out to keep connections

He talks to people only to take their trust and ask for favours in the future

It’s common knowledge to anyone that Namjoon is easily infatuated with you

He doesn’t try to hide it and uses peoples intrigue to gain intelligence

But the occasional onlooker will sometimes sense that this isn’t just a common crush

They might’ve found out about his stash of souvenirs stuffed up in his attic

Perhaps it was how obviously anxious Namjoon gets when you’re not near

Or maybe they noticed the lovesick looks he wishes your way

But when Namjoon finds out he’s got a follower, he knows what he has to do

He’s not big fan of murder, it takes up too much time and it’s a mess to keep hidden, he’d rather it be fast and efficient

So he sends his sins out to sea

He has no time for torture and no desire to drag this out

Namjoon ties up his victim in twine ropes 

The ropes wrap around the writhing fool

Tether twisting around their throat and cutting off their cries

The rope scratches scarlet off the skin, leaving long lines that bruise purple and pink

Namjoon ties a brick to their ankles, bringing them back down to the dark

It’s the murder of a man who knew too much, sinking out in the open ocean with all their knowledge never to be known

The weight of Namjoon’s actions never wrestles with his heart

Uncaring and callous, he never stops to consider that these heinous acts hurt his humanity

Because in his brown eyes, this is all your doing

You told him to get rid of the fool that fell too close to your godly grace

You can do no wrong so this must be the new morality

Namjoon will protect your perfection by never letting any noble men come too close

Your sweet love must be kept a secret, no other weakling worthy enough for it but him

And even though dark doubts still taint his thoughts, Namjoon will spend the rest of his worship proving he’s your lovesick slave

—Park Jimin

yandere type — clingy and psychotic

watch out for! — isolating, self-harm, murder, suicide, dependency, jealousy, hysteria, insecurity, kidnapping

The gods gave Jimin a gift

A double wielded sword weighted with the opposite ends of emotion

His feelings are feverish and burn with a bright intensity

It’s all a sliding scale for him, switching out his soul for whatever worth

All-consuming emotions are what drives him

Day by day, Jimin is mostly described as empathetic and enthusiastic

And while Jimin is an awestruck soul, he also hides his more dark desires

Your love sets him alight

Melting away his walls to reveal the real monster

Violent thoughts flow thoughts his veins

It’s like a venom, monopolizing his mind and evoking his red wrath

Jimin isn’t an apathetic man, he cares too much about the things that make him tick and the love he lusts after

He’s incapable of indifference, always so engrossed in his emotions and their outcomes

Loving him would be like locking yourself in with a lion

Jimin worships you like you no other and makes you feel like you’re alone in ardent

But the burning candle that controls his heart will always end up blinding you

He’s too dependant, always running after you and following like a poor puppy

He’s too jealous, scared you’ll be stolen away by any other man

He’s overly enthusiastic, lovesickness so suffocating you have to beg to break free from his hugs

Jimin takes you two to solitude, liking to rest in your warmth without any else’s eyes on you

While the long list of turmoil may taunt you, it’ll only get worse when he’s upset 

Jimin has widespread worries that you’ll leave him like everyone else

Insecurities lay intimate in his mind and he’ll only ever speak them to his soulmate

He’ll spend countless days crying and trying to seek your sweet reassurance

When these dark doubts are ripe and rip his heart apart, you better not set him off or else the consequences are grave

When he’s like this, clinging to you and crying his heart out, it’s best to shush his sorrows and hold him to your heart

He’ll bawl his eyes out into your blue sweatshirt, white knuckles wrapped around the familiar fabric

He’ll try to hide the hiccups in the crook of your neck, slightly embarrassed for his emotional outburst

Jimin lies limply in your lap, tired out from all the tears but too vulnerable to let go

He chases away the cold in your warm embrace

You speak lovely lies of how you love him 

If this is all insanity and you truly don’t love him, then this outcome would be very different

Was it a rash rejection? Or careless cruelty too much for his heart to handle?

Either way Jimin would explode in a case of confusing emotions

He’d swipe the silver blade down to the bone, bleeding out all over the bathroom tile and trying to tell you how much he loves you

“I’m nothing without you and I won’t let you leave.”

“I’d kill to keep you, I’d die if you don’t love me.”

The universe is always against your relationship and if a situation where to arise where he can’t keep you, he may just kidnap you instead

A much more morbid scenario might even involve suicide

You escape and Jimin must now spend eternity alone

He’d wake up at death’s door with pills pouring out his mouth

A terrible taste lays on his lips and his stomach is swimming in poison

A life without his love is a life not worth living

—Kim Taehyung

yandere type — devotee and stalker

watch out for! — murder, stalking, invasion of privacy, voyeurism, collector, murder-suicide, insecurity, monitoring , worship

Taehyung is a cruel romantic

His thirst for your entirety is insatiable

This growing greed is what makes him so bold

He takes risks none of the other boys would dare to dream of

Of course, he didn’t always act so impatient

This restlessness for your red romance had started small before it spiraled into disarray 

Subtle acts of stalking or stealing is how it all began

He just wanted to feel close to you, whether that be through physicality or by objects tainted with your touch

Taehyung is a collector of lost possessions and missing moral

But it didn’t take much time before he grew tired of absent objects and started stealing glances of you instead

He watches as you wander under the moonlight

Your features burning like fire in his brain

You’re so memorable under the moon that he can’t help himself  from painting 10,000 pictures of your perfection

Taehyung sees himself as an artist and you his muse

His drawings dictate your every move, illustrate your emotions, and reflect your beauty

The days spent drawing last from dusk to dawn, and although he could never be bored of staring at your face and flesh, an emptiness begins to claw at his chest

It creeps in from the corners of the room, a cold wind that washes over him and makes him shiver

It takes hold of your image in his mind, making each brushstroke dull and distorted

Your pretty portraits lack your warmth, as does our poor Tae

He’s persistent in his pursuit of lifelong love, and he won’t stop waiting until your his to take

If Taehyung were to actually take part in your life, you’d live an endless eternity of claustrophobia and catastrophe

It may take some time, but you’ll begin to see the signs of your impending downfall before you can stop it

Taehyung’s love is tender and touching

It’s make anyone awe at the sight, but they don’t understand what goes on in the shadows

You’re an inspiration for his art, so much so that your home starts to look like a house of mirrors

Every element of your eternity must be captured, from the bare bones down to trailing patterns at your fingertips

He studies you like a statue

Staring at you all day, swearing at himself whenever he has to blink

Taehyung believes that your bare beauty is an eternal enigma

Your one in a billion and must be treated as such

He tries to show you his distorted devotion everyday, and this may be the only amount of pure peace you get

He makes you feel special, a divine entity the deserves everything you ask for

You were crafted by the gods themselves just for his sweet satisfaction

You were made for each other and nothing can change that… until it does

Taehyung’s always had a hunch that men and women all over the earth were jealous of your relationship

They try to tear you apart, saying your tainted by his toxic touch

He’s running out of time, slipping through the sands of the hourglass

Lost in their lies, he takes you to the one place where no one can separate your souls, heaven

Taehyung likes to think it’s romantic even, like star-crossed lovers born to be destroyed

He doesn’t flinch in the face of death

He’s so lost in his sick sense of delusion that he honestly believes you two are tied between the stars

Tangled up in each other, meant to meet in every timeline and be lovers once again

Both your sad sorrow would soak the bed he holds you in

He calms your cries with a hand held up to your trembling lips

The shivering steel of the gun touches your temple

He says that death will not be dark with him to guide you

You won’t feel the Reapers cold caress when he’s here to hold you

Taehyung gives your lips one last quiet kiss

Breaking apart only to breathe and whisper the words, 

“I love you in every universe.”

“Till’ we meet again my dearest divine.”

His last moment with you is a memory of red redemption

With his thumb triggering the gunshot, he blows your brains out on the back wall

You’re head snaps back from the force and lays limply on your shoulder

Blood bleeds down and begins to soak the sheets

Taehyung chokes back his cries with his hand still holding the steel

He takes your cold corpse in his tender embrace and readies himself for a restful end

He lays down dark kisses to the bullet wound that tore open your temple

He weeps away his heinous actions and with you still held close to his heart, he puts the last bullet in his brain

—Jeon Jungkook

yandere type — impulsive and delusional

watch out for! — murder, suicide, dependency, kidnapping, delusion, hysteria, impulsion

Jungkook is just a boy with a broken heart

Still learning the differences between desire and devotion

He twists the two into one, his passion is painful and his innocent intentions begin to wither away

That fiery fondness that once burned so bright now sends smoke signals of death and destruction

But what really matters is what moment of massacre you met him

Was it when he was still a shy soul? Susceptible to sin but also ready for redemption

Or was it when he was a man? Matured into murder and wrapped up in wrath

If you arrived early in the timeline of terror, then you’d probably be childhood friends

Playing pretend in a world without worries

Lost in a little kids imagination, you play house, yourself as the wife and him as the husband

This is when his kindergarten crush would begin to grow

As a child you’d call yourselves soulmates, but an adult eye would sense that someone was seriously wrong

Jungkook would throw tantrums whenever you left to leave, and when he didn’t get what he wanted, he’d turn to violence

He’d begin to grow dependant on his only friend

Playdates would pursue sleepovers which would then turn to him refusing to ever leave your side

Scared that you’d be snatched away if his attention fell too far

And as you grew up, got to know more about the horrors and hormones of the future, you’d eventually find yourselves as high-school sweethearts

Jungkook just like his old self, only better at hiding the bloodshed

The obsession would only grow as you get older

More things threaten your relationship and his anger and anxiety amplify 

But your impression of the innocent boy still stays the same

Sure he may be more dependant and delusional then most men, but he’s still your sweet boy

If an artist were to paint a portrayal of a lost lover, it would be Jungkook

Every day is a dream, you drink in his devotion and bathe in bliss

He washes away all your worries and takes on all life's labours

Your life would look pretty normal only because Jungkook’s good at burying all the bodies and biting back his paranoia

But when you bottle up your emotions for years on end, it’ll eventually explode in your face

Jungkook has always been impulsive, acting on his anger and making irrational decisions

His rage causes him to run on a rampage, killing anyone that could come too close

His fear tells him to hide you in the house and cut ties with the outside world

Jungkook is determined to obtain the life and love he obsesses over

Which is why when things don’t go his way, his has a fit of hysteria 

His tempers turns up to 100 and he may try to kidnap you

He’s abandoned all rationality and is recklessly driving your relationship off a cliff

His thoughts are so stubborn and he won’t stop once he’s set on a solution

No planning or preparation is taken in advance

He’s in a fit of frantic fear and reality is slowly slipping

Illusion is in his lungs, he can’t understand that he’s undoing all his progress thus far

So set on the end goal, he can’t see the death and decay until he holds it in his arms

It’s a sudden slaughter and he doesn’t process your passing until you’re pale and purple

After a rainy night spent sobbing and still clutching your cold corpse, he comes to a conclusion

He can’t live with his actions, he’s a monster in a man’s body

He feels sick in his skin, he tries to scratch it off

Peeling off the pink to reveal the red undertones

His hands are still sore from the force he gripped your throat with, he tries to take those off too

He’s disturbed by what he’s just done

Jungkook gathers your blue body in his arms and takes you to the bathtub

He dies by your side, drowning in devastation

most to least dangerous — jungkook, taehyung, jimin, hoseok, namjoon, jin, yoongi

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