#ADVICE ON DISTURBED LOVE LIFE

[sheeezu]

My shifting guidebook.

This is my last post, as melodramatic as I was in my last post, since both the posts I've made on here and reddit i got busy with responding to dms (for those confused check my first post) so i didn't permashift.

Unfortunately i still couldn't respond to all the messages and questions sent to my inbox and dms, mainly because of the different time zones and general laziness from my side.

I appreciate everyone who asked questions, although i felt it's a bit unfair since the answers to very common problems didn't reach everyone, and i want everyone to shift, i want everyone to shift tonight, so i decided i'll make a post to share all my knowledge, whatever i know, sort of like a parting gift.

And this isn't going to be a beginners guide, mainly for people who need a final push, and most importantly, for emergency shifters.

Onto the questions (: Divided into categories, skip through according to your needs :)

Detachment from CR, attachment to DR:

How can i detach from my CR/attach to my DR?

Generally, detachment can be achieved by numbing your emotions in your CR. But first, I would advise you to refrain from extreme and unhealthy detachment, because you'll end up getting stuck in a endless cycle of messing up your CR and not shifting (because you'd have no control over yourself, which would lead to your subconscious getting grounded in the messed up version of your CR; assuming that unhealthy detachment is daydreaming about your DR all day without any sense of where you are, without a strong mindset, when you eventually snap back you'll think even more vividly of your CR)

But- "unhealthy" attachment can be utilised to your advantage, to shift, in a controlled manner.

Pick a day to shift, let it be a weekend. After dusk, only indulge yourself in your DR. (When you're sure you have free time and you won't be disturbed) for me, I hid under the blanket, with a fully charged phone, I spent a portion of the hours listening to subliminals, and a portion of the time scrolling through pinterest with spotify in the background (things that remind you of your DR)

I recommend listening to detachment from CR and attachment to DR subs, and if you are a permashifter, and it's your deadline, go all out.

This is my advice for detachment from CR during the day, during the method it'll be different.

How can I detach from my CR while I'm shifting? I can't divert my attention away from my CR body/mind.

I'm writing in the pov of my own method.

The only way you can let go of the CR while you're shifting is with a calm mind. If you're overthinking about how you're going to carry out your method, whether you'd wake back in your CR, you'll have trouble reaching a detached state.

To detach, first of all, make yourself comfortable, do not try to force yourself into doing something, or laying in a position which makes you uncomfortable. Next, think of thoughts which pushes your CR to the side, your CR is just another reality, and you're the creator of it, treat it like its any other pebble on the road.

Affs: (again, void reality meaning your CR)

"Void reality? Huh, can't seem to remember what that is..."

"It's so peaceful not being in the void reality, going to fix it when I eventually return from my DR" (I vividly remember saying this, if you're a permashifter, make it so it fits your situation)

"..."

(Not saying anything says a lot, fall numb to your void reality and go onto your DR)

Remember, you're not answerable to your CR, its not your boss or captor, it's actually the opposite.

To attach to your DR during the method, in the middle phase of my method, say identity affs until you feel familiarise with your DR self, think of memories, have a small conversation with your DR loved ones, do a small rewind of your DR life in your mind, so you can ground yourself. I won't be going into much details on how to shift by becoming your DR self, my first post says it all.

How to detach from CR body?

Detaching your thoughts is basically detaching your CR body, the 30 second black out state is basically a window to shifting, because when your CR shuts up for a even just a few seconds it will give you the opportunity to divert your attention to your DR, no matter how fidgety you are.

Problems faced while shifting:

Something always itches me when I try to shift, any advice?

Before you're shifting, take a look at you're environmental factors, why are you feeling itchy in the first place?

If it isn't bugs, dry skin, I recall that during the method some symptoms are just itchiness.

Say affs to block off your senses first of all, until then try to control yourself

Affs:

"I have stopped sensing my void reality (CR)"

"I have stopped hearing, feeling, seeing my void reality"

If the need gets overwhelming and you're just starting your method, make yourself comfortable and move a bit, or just itch it, you can still shift.

I always fall asleep when I try to shift, what should I do?

During the day you're going to shift, and you know you're just tired and lack sleep, take a nap during the day.

If you didn't nap, or just generally feel sleepy still, turn my method into a sleep method, by letting yourself fall asleep while you're actively acting, thinking like your DR self (you'll wake up in your DR the next day)

Sleeping is a good tool for shifting, especially if you're starting to doze off while doing your method, you can achieve other states such as sleep paralysis, lucid dreaming or mind awake body asleep state, so don't get discouraged, if you prefer awake methods, there are some subliminals you can use to stay awake.

I always fear or dread shifting while doing my method and back out at the last minute.

(Copypasted from reddit)

Familiarise yourself with your DR, it's not scary if you know where you're laying, who you are, what's next to you and who's going to be in the room.

If you already start acting like your DR self then in theory fear shouldn't be here (why would you be scared being yourself in an environment which is supposed to be familiar to you?)

It also depends upon the kind of fear

Fear of spirits snatching your soul mid shift - listen to safety and protection subliminals (no, I wasn't personally possessed by demons last minute but it will put your mind at ease)

Fear of the unknown - familiarise yourself with your DR and shifting

Fear of symptoms - don't focus on them

Just know that nothing fearful will exist as long as you don't allow it to exist, you're the creator of your reality.

Trouble focusing while shifting.

Once you're even a tad bit detached from your CR, you would have no trouble focusing, because it's only your CR body's mind which is causing you trouble, the semi-void state in my method (when you don't feel your body that much, you force yourself to not have thoughts) is all you need to do to go onto the next phase of your method, and trust me, it'll feel very easy for you.

Prior to shifting, listen to frequencies, subliminals, basically flood your subconscious with your desired affs (calm mind subs, focus subs, general shifting and void state subliminals) when you're shifting, stare at the blackness and think of it as a milky way, like you're stargazing, I don't know why but your hyperfixation allows you to focus; count to a hundred, visualise your DR memories, youll eventually reach a trance state where you're focused and ready to shift. (if you can't visualise, then think of it in the form of a story)

Misc:

For folks with ADHD:

(Copy pasted from reddit)

I'd recommend try listening to subliminal (especially bundles) when you aren't feeling like doing anything or if you think your messing up.

Also try to keep yourself as comfortable as possible, if you can distract yourself in a way you aren't attached to your CR activities, for example watching movies or shows or youtube video which require minimal effort and attention

And im saying this only if you're utilizing a single day for shifting, or practicing LOA

while doing the method, i'd try to use as less time as possible, and if you feel off, then you can open your eyes and try the method after a small break.

Can I shift to-

Yes, yes, yes. You can shift to anywhere your mind can think up of, it really is that simple. You can shift to the past, shift to prevent a certain event, you can shift to a reality with a confusing concept, you can shift to become a chair.

Did you shift to a animated DR? How was it like?

I shifted to a pokemon DR where I studied pokemons for a living, but I quickly shifted back after 2 days because I got bored.

Personally for me I get creeped out of anything that's eerie or out of the ordinary.

So basically I scripted that it'll feel normal and I wouldn't even question it.

So I didn't, and now that I think about it, everything was proper, people had noses it wad 3D and everything, so just this reality except everyone looked unnaturally good and the world's graphic were different. If the entire world looks the same then nothing feels weird.

Your opinion on clones/time period?

I don't really care about clones or what they are, mainly because I believe in the consciousness theory, and the multiverse theory is a subdivision of consciousness theory, you basically let yourself believe there is a multiverse and for that reason it exists.

So in perceptive of the multiverse theory, your "clone" is just a body, which comes under your command or control.

It can't mess up your CR life, it'll make the same choices as you like you would have made if you were present in your CR.

Personally I had scripted that when I shift back I will wake up the next morning, following the night when I was shifting.

So my "clone" was just sleeping.

Secondly, stop stressing over your clone,

It'll just do what you want it to do, or just live life how you'd normally would

If you script your clone is a superhuman for the time you're in you DR, you'll shift back to a parallel reality of your CR where a superhuman lived your life for a while, but if you want you can just shift to a better CR like I did.

...

Those are all questions that came in my mind, I tried looking back into the chats and inbox to find more commonly asked questions or something I didn't clarify in my first post but most other questions had straight forward or a clear enough answer.

I really wanted to expand this post with more sections and questions, but in my opinion my first and this post combined are a lot of their own, I think I clarified a lot.

It's been a week being on Tumblr, and I loved helping people out, everyone was kind and unique in their own ways, I looked through my followers scripts and blogs and I enjoyed everyone's dedication to shifting, and their DRs (btw, I hadn't expected to get so many follows and notes, I'm genuinely suprised even now)

It had been a lovely experience being on shiftblr, in my opinion it's the best shifting, or just generally the best community on the internet.

As much as I would like to stay and blog regularly on here, I have to go back home, I'm permashifting in (from the time this post went up) 7 hours, and this time I'm not staying, so refrain from asking me questions after that, I won't respond, but this post will still be up.

Farewell, I hope your shifting journey conclude today and each of you live happily in your DR, with your well deserved love, respect and peace.

Goodbye c:

(Within the 7 hours, I may be partially active, if there is any question that is truly different and a genuine struggle for you, inbox me, I'll try my best to answer; I may as well post my DR script in my last few hours, since some people asked, remind me if I forget; also not posting on reddit, ive already annoyed the mods so much by breaking several rules)

[kenzdolls]

𝐃𝐀𝐁𝐈/𝐓𝐎𝐔𝐘𝐀 𝐓𝐎𝐃𝐎𝐑𝐎𝐊𝐈 𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒:

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬: 𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐲𝐚 𝐭𝐨𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐢 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫, 𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐲𝐚 𝐭𝐨𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐢 𝐱 𝐠𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫, 𝐯𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐧! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫, 𝐝𝐚𝐛𝐢 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫, 𝐩𝐫𝐞-𝐩𝐥𝐟, 𝐩𝐫𝐞-𝐰𝐚𝐫, 𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐲𝐚 𝐭𝐨𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐢 (𝐝𝐚𝐛𝐢) 𝐠𝐧! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

MEETING DABI:

he acts like he doesn't care about you when you first meet, but he's definitely sizing you up, trying to figure out your quirk and how useful you'll be to the league.

your first real conversation is probably him sarcastically asking if you’re sure you’re in the right place, followed by a cutting remark about your villain name.

he secretly respects a good villain name, though. if yours is clever, it gets you a few points in his book.

if your quirk complements his in some way (like you can create flammable substances or help control his flames), he'll be intrigued, but he'll never let you know that outright. he'll just suddenly be around you more often during training or missions.

he’ll make a rude joke about your villain outfit and then make a comment about how you should “try harder” if you want to make it past this league.

DABI CRUSHING ON YOU:

he'd never admit it, but your dedication to villainy is a huge turn-on for him. seeing you embrace the darker side of yourself is... interesting.

he'll pick fights with you, not because he hates you, but because he wants to see you use your quirk. it’s also his weird way of flirting.

you'll catch him staring at you sometimes when he thinks you're not looking, especially after you've successfully pulled off a particularly brutal or clever move.

he pretends to be annoyed when you ask him for help or advice, but he secretly enjoys it. it's a chance to show off his knowledge and power.

he’ll start leaving small “gifts” for you: stolen items that he thinks you might find useful or amusing. it could be anything from a rare explosive to a vintage lighter to a particularly disturbing news clipping.

if someone else flirts with you, he'll become dangerously territorial. he might not say anything directly, but he'll make his displeasure very clear with a chilling glare or a well-placed threat.

he always seems to know when you are in trouble, often appearing out of nowhere to (reluctantly) help you. He'll deny it if you thank him.

the first time he accidentally touches you (maybe during a training exercise), he'll flinch away like he's been burned, even if it's just a brush of your hands. he’ll pretend it's because he doesn't want to get close to anyone, but really, he's just flustered.

DATING DABI:

dating dabi is intense. it's not all sunshine and roses. expect a lot of angst, brooding, and philosophical debates about the nature of heroism and villainy.

he's not good with physical affection at first. maybe a fleeting touch or a hand on your shoulder. it takes time for him to get comfortable with more.

he’ll only show you his soft side when you’re alone. think quiet moments where he lets his guard down and actually talks to you about his past (but only in vague terms, of course).

he’s fiercely protective of you, but he’ll never coddle you. he believes in your strength and will push you to become even stronger.

his love language is acts of service. he might not say "i love you," but he'll always make sure you have everything you need to succeed in your villainous endeavors.

he'll open up to you, eventually, about his past as touya. but it'll be a slow, painful process, filled with anger and resentment. be patient with him.

he'll test you, constantly. he needs to know that you're loyal, that you understand him, and that you're not going to abandon him like everyone else in his life.

dates consist of arson. maybe robbing a place, maybe blowing up a building that’s endeavor’s.

he'll find a "comfortable spot" that he isn't burning hot, and let you touch him there.

he finds comfort in hearing about your plans for the future, even if they’re incredibly violent. just knowing you're thinking about the future at all is comforting to him.

he might buy you jewelry he steals from the heroes he kills.

he will start trying to control his flames, but he will never be able to completely. he will always have a small fire burning somewhere on his skin.

he hates cuddling but he doesn't complain when you rest your head against his chest, as long as it's over his clothes.

he finds it hard to smile so his way of showing you he is happy is through a small nod.

you'll be one of the few people who see him smile. it's rare, but when it happens, it's genuine and surprisingly beautiful.

you’re his anchor. you’re the reason he keeps fighting, the reason he hasn’t completely succumbed to the darkness. he’d never admit it out loud, but you’re the most important thing in his life.

© 𝐊𝐄𝐍𝐙𝐃𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐒 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟓 —

[buttercandy16]

In-laws

PAIRING: Dark!Agatha Harkness x Reader, Agatha Harkness x Reader x Rio Vidal

SUMMARY: In-laws are the worst and you found out the hard way.

WARNING(s): Dark themes, Non-con, and a whole lot of SMUT!

A/N: Dark themes ahead. If you find these things disturbing I strongly advice that you skip this post. Thank you!

Y/N POV 

The night's cold breeze is crisp on my face as I stand outside the balcony thinking about how perfect my wedding tomorrow will be. 

Nicky and I have been together since my parents started working for his parents. At first, I was reluctant to engage in a romantic relationship with him since in the eyes of society we were unfit for each other, but he was persistent and in the end, I let love win. I was even more thankful that his parents accepted me and my family with open arms despite our lowly status in life. 

After years of being together, we are finally making it official tomorrow as husband and wife. 

I just finished celebrating my bachelorette party earlier which was neatly organized by one of my soon-to-be mother-in-law, Agatha. While Nicky is having his bachelor's party with his set of friends. 

Everything will be perfect, for sure nothing will go wrong. 

"Excited?" I was pulled out from my thoughts when Agatha appeared by my side with a bottle of wine in hand. 

For the record, I'm currently staying at Nicky's house. Both of his mothers insisted that I stay here before the wedding and I agreed.

"Yeah, I'm so excited to get married to Nicky!" I exclaimed excitedly. 

Agatha gave me a chuckle before waving the wine bottle in front of my face. 

"Good, then we better celebrate with this." 

"Ummm... I don't want to be rude, but I'll have to decline. I don't drink alcohol, remember?"

Agatha rolled her eyes at me before she leaned in closer to my ear. 

"Oh come on, sweetheart. That was different, this one we get to enjoy all to ourselves, and I think it's about time you try right? And it's not like we're gonna get wasted, you'll be fine tomorrow. I swear." 

I suppose... 

"O--okay then, but I'll only drink one glass.”

"One glass is enough" Agatha smiled at me mischievously before slightly pushing me inside the room. 

I was a bit nervous about how she was acting, she seemed pushy. But I was fast to dismiss that thought as she filled our glasses with wine. 

She gave me mine before sitting next to me on the sofa, only an arm's length away from each other. 

"Go on" she urged playfully... 

I swirled the wine in my glass slightly before carefully putting it to my lips and tentatively sipping the liquid. I found it delicious and very cooling.

“This is delicious!" 

"Yes, simple but very soothing. Finest wine you can ever have. But, you must drink deeply for the full effect." 

I eagerly did as I was told, and Agatha seemed satisfied with this. Soon I was holding an empty glass. I had drained it and hadn't even noticed. The drink was that smooth. The only problem is that I found that I was still thirsty. 

"Could I have another, please?" I asked, her eyes glinted with something dark from my request. 

"I think that can be arranged." 

Agatha was careful to replenish my glass whenever it emptied as we talked and talked into the night. 

It was quite odd, no matter how much I drink I still feel thirsty. 

I wondered if it was starting to affect me. I noticed that the room was becoming increasingly warm. Worse, I was finding my body becoming uncomfortably warm. My face was becoming flush. My heart was beating very fast and I was practically panting, my breath had gotten so fast. I was starting to sweat inside my clothes, too. My clothes were becoming very confining. How odd, I thought. It was supposed to be a chilly evening. But now, I desire nothing more than to get out of my clothes, then I would feel so much better. 

"Have you and Nicholas done it yet?" Her question almost made me choke on my drink, her eyes never leaving mine. 

Am I hearing this right? Does she mean th--- 

She slowly traced the rim of her wineglass while looking at me curiously, "What do you mean?" I asked.

"Did you have sex yet?" 

Her question slightly took me aback but answered, nonetheless. 

"N--no, we haven't. I'm still pure" 

The moment I said pure, a shadow seems to pass on her features as the corner of her lips slightly lifted sinisterly, barely noticeable in the dark. 

But I saw it... 

She snickered under her breath as she slightly swirled the wine in her glass. 

That's when I realized that she's never touched it. Not even a single drop. 

She followed my gaze to her wine glass before catching mine. Slightly tilting her head, she then smiled knowingly. 

She knows that I've noticed. 

I was starting to feel uncomfortable from this so I decided that it was time to retire for the night. But when I stood up, I was immediately met by sudden dizziness making me sit back on the couch ungracefully. 

It felt like my innards were being replaced by some kind of emptiness. I tried to stand again, desperate to leave this room. I swayed for just a moment before Agatha caught me. There was nothing I could do now, and as I slowly slumped sideways, she gently tugged on my shoulder, causing me to lie flat, with my head on her lap. Now all I could see was my fiance's mother smiling down at me… and the world went black. 

_=_=_ 

How long I was out, I’m not sure. I opened my eyes, and it took them a moment to adjust to the light.

Something was wrong. 

My arms could not move, despite my best efforts, and the air felt rather cold on my skin. And when my eyes adjusted, I immediately saw why. My wrists had been secured firmly in two straps, on either side of my head. And the cool air on my skin was because I'm completely naked! 

I tried to scream my lungs out, to shout for help, to do anything that might get me out of this situation. But the only thing that came out was a muffled sound. That has something to do with the gag placed over my mouth. But it did draw some attention to me because a figure suddenly appeared over my vulnerable form, and when it spoke, I heard the unmistakable voice of my fiance's mother. 

"So, you're finally awake" 

"I think before you try going off on one, I should probably introduce you to a bit of "context," I think you'd call it." She reached for the table next to her and picked up a remote. She turned on the TV that was positioned just above the bed I was strapped to. "Let's just say you might want to forget about struggling when I show you this video." 

My confusion made me forget my anger, for a moment. But as the film started, and what I was watching became clear to me, my anger was replaced by shock and horror. 

It was a video of me and my co-worker Tony, sitting in my office, and him kissing me. It had been a professional meet-up, he was showing me some files that we needed to sort out before the big presentation when out of the blue he just kissed me. I froze out of shock while his lips continued to press against mine but when I finally snapped out of it I immediately pushed him off me and gave him an ear-deafening slap on the face. But that wasn't shown in the film. It was just the kiss, making it look like I did it deliberately. I remembered him looking at me in pity like he was sorry for what he did. I didn't tell anyone about it, not even Nicky. And now my soon-to-be mother-in-law possesses proof of it.

But how? Why was there a video? Based on the angle I know it was filmed from a hidden camera. Was it done intentionally? For what reason?! Was she behind it? 

If someone got hold of it, I wouldn't just get fired from fraternizing with a colleague. I would probably lose Nicky as well. 

And that scared me shitless... 

Agatha pressed another button, and the video switched off. She looked at my face, now starting to become tear-stained and the fear now plain for everyone to see. She smiled. 

"I think that expression is a good one for you," she remarked. "It makes you look so sweet and innocent." 

She leaned over and planted a kiss on my cheek. I tried to jerk away but couldn't. The kiss practically seared my skin like molten lava. 

"Now that no one is going to disturb us, how about we get some fun done?" 

Agatha then began to touch me, and that was when I started to squirm a little. She moved her arms around my body, rubbing it in a very erotic way. "Aww… such a nice body, pet! I can't help myself but touch myself thinking about you every day. And now, I can't help myself anymore." She put a hand on my knee and began to gently stroke my leg. 

"What should I do first with your body?" She ran her finger on my smooth skin, before taking the gag off my mouth. 

I gritted my teeth from both anger and sadness. "Why are you doing this?" 

"Didn't I already tell you? I want your body to be mine! We are going to have so much fun, pet. And if you disobey me, I think you already know what will happen right? Not to mention, I can get  both of your parents fired, tsk... that would be unfortunate" 

A single tear ran on my cheek and Agatha kissed it, licking the drop. I know that I have no other choice but to let things happen. I have so much to lose if she doesn't get what she wants. 

She moved around and brought our lips together in a violent kiss, forcing her tongue past my gritted teeth. She bit my bottom lip hard enough to earn a gasp, allowing her to move her tongue past the barrier. 

The tongue quickly found its way around my mouth and explored every inch it could. In parallel to that, her hands moved around and groped my breast. She slightly massaged them and pinched the erected nipples. It was not that the events made me horny. It was the cold that made my body like that. 

The kiss ended after a while, me being out of air while the older woman was looking crazier than before. She licked her lips another time before stripping her shirt, skirt, and underwear away. She moved and kneeled in front of my face, her warmth being right on top of my face. "Eat up!" She said in a commanding voice, but I hesitated. The woman gritted her teeth in anger and grabbed my hair. "I ordered you to eat up!" She forced my mouth to get in contact with her entrance. 

Out of reflex, I attempted to close my mouth, but then felt a pair of forces crushing my head from both sides as her legs pressed me. The pain was enough to make me gasp. She took the opportunity to tighten her grip on my hair and pressed me harder. 

"That's more like it!" She started to move her body up and down, making my juice splash on my face. "Now, get that tongue of yours to work baby" She ordered and once again tightened the grip, forcing me to obey her order. 

I had to stick my tongue forward, forced to have a taste of the older woman. It was sweet and I can't stop myself from moaning from the taste of her. She also moaned at the feeling of my tongue inside her and moved faster until she cummed in my mouth. 

Just as I was about to let go of a sigh, my left leg was lifted, Agatha’s right leg sliding under it. "It is not the end yet! I still have a lot of things I want to teach your body." She pushed her hip forward, making our center meet.

I can't help but admit that it started to feel so good. The pleasure coursing through my veins like a blast of adrenaline... 

She repeated to thrush several more times, bringing our center together and making them part, and then collide again. She started to moan once again as I did the same, her hands starting to play with my breast, enjoying every contact through my body. Until my second orgasm was ripped from me this evening, followed by the beautiful temptress who laid on top of me while catching her breath from her release. 

She looked down on me in complete amusement as I lay helplessly underneath her. 

Agatha kissed the tip of my nose before sliding her warm body over me to reach something on the nightstand. When I saw what it was, my eyes grew wide as saucers... 

Oh no... please no more 

"P--please... I can't. It's too much" 

I struggled with my bonds as I tried to pull myself away from her. 

"Shhhh... I know you can. Just give mommy one more baby. I just need to taste you." 

She settled herself in between my legs, parting them by force. 

She reached between my legs and pushed something. The buzzing vibrator held against my clit sped up a notch, causing my back to arch. "Oh!" I gasped, head falling back. "Oh, oh—" 

Agatha cupped my left breast and mouthed at it, kissing and licking. I didn't know where to look but into her eyes, our foreheads practically touching on the pillow. 

I'm not sure what possessed me at the moment but I was suddenly desperate to taste her lips. 

"Kiss me," I begged. "Please..." 

And she did. Soft and sweet, holding me to her. Tugging my lip with her teeth and stroking my back, my butt. She took hold of my legs, cupping the underside of my knees. Bringing my legs around her waist, she rocked against me, teasing my lip with her tongue. 

I parted my lips for her, tasting her, sighing... Jolting when she tugged on my nipple. "Oh, ow, owie—, please don't—" 

I cried out with pleasure. This was so nice; it felt so good. 

She smiled at me. “You’ve got the prettiest pussy I’ve ever seen, pet,” she said, reaching to touch me, pulling back the hood of my clit so she could rub me with her thumb. I shivered. “Look at this tiny clit. So fucking cute, and all mine…” 

She proceeded to slide down my body until she was face to face with my dripping warmth. 

I gasped when she started to lick me and felt my stomach twitch, surprised and excited at Agatha’s eagerness to please me. I felt her tongue trace the outline of my lower lips and shuddered. A moment later, the older woman finally slid her tongue over my clit, and that's when I felt my walls clenching in a sudden spasm, screaming in pure pleasure for the third time. Due to the intensity, I blacked out. 

_=_=_ 

A groan left my lips when I woke up in the middle of the night with a sore body. 

Slightly stretching, that's when I realized that I was no longer chained to the bed and I was all alone in the room. 

Seeing this as an opportunity to get the hell outta here I immediately grabbed my clothes that were placed on the vanity chair before frantically dressing. 

No longer caring if I was dressed right I immediately ran towards the door but stopped when it suddenly opened, revealing my fiance’s other mother, Rio Vidal dressed in her expensive suit. 

"Ri-rio..." 

"Sweethear, what are you doing here?" Rio asked as she curiously surveyed my disheveled form. 

"Rio, you have to help me, please" I pleaded as I went closer to her. 

"Why? What's wrong?" She asked as she gently held my arm. 

"It's A–agatha, she---" 

"Hello, my love! You're home early," My words were cut off as Agatha appeared from the bathroom only covered by a plush purple robe. "It seems you caught our little bunny trying to hop away." She smiled devilishly... 

Wha-what? 

"Which is quite fortunate, I wouldn't want to miss out" Rio chuckled darkly. "But I'm very disappointed that you started without me, my love." 

"Well, you were late. It's been so long since I wanted a taste of her. I lost all self-control the moment I had her in my grasp. But don't worry, I saved the best for you." 

My eyes widened in realization and I felt my whole body shiver in fear as I heard the door's lock click. Locking me inside with two predators hungry for my young flesh... 

Nonononono... this isn't happening... 

Tears started to fall from my eyes as Agatha walked over to me, and Rio’s hand settled over my shoulders in a tight and almost painful hold. 

Agatha looked down on me with a predatory grin before slowly tilting my chin with her finger to meet her eyes. 

It was so dark and full of lust that it felt like I was about to drown in it. 

"Do you know the real reason why we let our son be with someone as lowly as you? It's because the moment we saw you, we knew that we needed to have you. Our perfect little toy." My heart ached from her words. So after all this time, I was nothing but a fool. 

"So here's what will happen from now on, you will get married to my son tomorrow and officially become part of our family. You will be a good wife to him and grant him the children he desires. But behind closed doors, you will become our pretty little pet and cater to our needs. Do you understand?" I nodded weakly.

"But the most important thing is... Nicky must never know about this little arrangement of ours. This secret will stay with you until you reach your grave, or else... I'm pretty sure you are aware of the power that we hold Y/N, if you go against us, we will destroy you and your loved ones. Do I make myself clear?" Her grip on my chin tightened, emphasizing how serious she was. 

"Ye-yes" I stuttered through gritted teeth. 

Agatha's eyes moved from behind me as Rio pressed her lips to my ear as she whispered... 

"If you behave like a good little girl for us, we will reward you with anything you desire, aside from your freedom of course." 

"Since that's all settled then, I think it's time for the main event" 

"Wh-what would that be?" I fearfully asked. 

Agatha smiled at me before leaning in close, her lips almost touching mine. 

"We're going to take your virginity baby"

_=_=_

Please don't forget to like, repost, and leave a comment below. I love hearing other peoples thoughts about this. Also, if you have any good ideas for a Dark fanfic featuring mother agatha please do send it. Thanks! 💜

[martian-astro10]

Solar return observations- Part 5

If you have Saturn in 12th then sleep well, that is....if you manage to fall asleep in the first place. (I have it this year and IT SUCKS, I have literally not been able to sleep, I've tried every single tea, every meditation, white noises, NOTHING WORKS, I also have mars in 12th, so I'm just fucking tired the whole time)

North node in 2nd is an indication that you'll start earning money for the very first time in your life, it doesn't have to be a full time job (I have seen this a lot of times when a person starts working for the first time, like a part time job or something. You get to experience what it's like to have "your" money)

I'm pretty sure that an astrologer has already said this, but I don't remember who, so I'll say it again, Uranus in 3rd means getting a new cycle, bike or car, basically anything that helps you with short distance travelling. (One of my friends have it this year and he already had a cycle but it got stolen and he just decided to buy a car, since he has money saved up for one)

This is very specific, but if you have Jupiter in 9th/ 11th then GO GET THAT RECOMMENDATION LETTER. (If you are graduating or planning to get a new job, this year is good for that. The years in which my sister, my friends or I have had this, our teachers, bosses or colleagues were SO impressed with us and we got really good reference letters, we slayed so hard in those years)

Vertex in 6th can be a VERY busy and exhausting year. Too many responsibilities and not enough knowledge of how to deal with them. (I had this the year in which I started living alone, It was also squaring my moon and dude, TW the suicidal ideation was STRONG. I wish I could give some sort of an advice but I don't know what to say, you just need to learn how to deal with the problems as they come)

Mercury square Neptune....the level of miscommunication is insane. (One of my closest friends has this and she...I love her but she's being very annoying. We were on a trip and she was talking to some people, so me and my other friend, we started clicking pictures, cuz we didn't want to disturb her and she comes up and says "why are you guys doing this without me, why are you not including me, if you don't wanna hang out with me anymore just say it" like GIRL) if you have this, don't start unnecessary drama, communication will be difficult so just stay quiet

Chiron in 12th is one of the shittiest years in regards to mental health, I hate this. (My friends have had this before and it's there in my 2025 solar return chart and I'm already dreading it. Everything bad that can happen...happens. I don't care what anyone says, this placement is just pure EWWWW and NOTHING can convince me otherwise)

Aries in 8th can be the year in which you lose your virginity (If you WANT to) I know quite a few people who had this the year they lost their V-card. (It's completely okay if you don't though, take your time and do it with a person who you trust and love, no pressure)

Mars in 9th is such a good placement for travelling and studies. (I had this in my 1st year of college, I remember I was so excited, studying was very easy, I loved learning new things and stuff, it was very nice. I was also travelling a lot, discovering new places. I had a lot of energy, really fun year)

Sun in 7th is a great placement if you want to work with others. (My mom has it this year and her business is ON FIRE, every time she has a meeting, it goes so well and she always gets a better deal than what she expected) this is a really good time for working with others, in partnerships. If you are a student, then you're going to do especially well in group projects.

(all pictures are taken from Pinterest)

© martian-astro All rights reserved, 2024

[kwnnies]

apartment no.17 - 부승관

summary: moving to a new apartment seemed like an exciting thing, a breath of fresh air maybe; only then your peace is disturbed by the likes of an old friend and his extremely attractive roommate.

words: 7.8k

warnings: jeonghan, a few swear words, maybe a tad bit ooc? that's it i think

a/n: i'm a bit skeptical about the quality of this but!!! my friend liked it so that means it's not as bad as i think ^w^

‘i’ll finally experience some peace the moment i move out’ turned out to be the biggest lie you have ever told, and you’ve learned this the hard way.

it seemed almost too perfect, you thought. finally moving out of your family home with one of your closest friends, finding a spacious apartment not that far away from your workplace, said apartment not costing a ton of money so that you could actually live without worrying about making ends meet. two separate bedrooms, a closet big enough to fit all of your wardrobe and boxes full of sentimental things you just couldn’t throw away no matter how much you tried, even a nice view outside the windows. with the money you’ve saved up, it would be a waste not to buy it.

there had to be a catch somewhere, though. and, as it turned out, the catch in question lived right across from you, in apartment no. 17.

you looked over to umji, who tried her best not to react as yet another round of loud screams and laughter erupted from the other side of the wall, a soft sigh leaving her lips as she flipped through the pages of the book, fixing her hair so that it wouldn’t get in the way. it’s been this way for three hours already - noises growing louder and louder with each hour, much to your dismay. for a split second you thought that maybe a family with kids lived there; which would’ve been at least understandable, as children often tend to have problems with controlling their volume. but you also remembered umji mentioning how no kids live on the same floor as the two of you.

you raised your hands towards your head, fingers gently massaging your temples as if to try and stop the gnawing headache which has slowly been growing in intensity for the past thirty minutes. the noise was all too unbearable; and the slight buzz from the two glasses of wine you shared with your friend before didn’t seem to help either.

umji could only observe as you slowly stood up from the couch, annoyance gracing every inch of your face as you marched towards the door with an amount of energy that seemed way too big for a late hour like this. a second passed and you were out of your shared apartment, knocking- no, banging on the door across from you.

the door opened slowly, noises which were muffled by the walls now out in full glory, and you were met with with three pairs of dark brown eyes staring you up and down with curiosity and confusion, one of them quickly turning around to hush what seemed to be the rest of their friends with a loud yell. but it wasn’t him you payed most attention to.

it was the man right in front of him, his face a bit too familiar for your liking.

‘you have to be kidding me,’ you mumbled, a deep sigh leaving your lips as the man erupted into laughter, you following soon after.

yoon jeonghan.

if there was one thing you would’ve never expected, it would be to, in your adult life, neighbor with the same exact man you lived next to as a child, back when you still learned how to ride a bike with no extra wheels, said boy boasting about already being able to do it while riding alongside you (even though he was three years older than you, so it should come as no surprise that he acquired said skills much earlier), laughing each time you fell down. you loved him the same way one loves their siblings; you knew you could rely on him throughout the entirety of your childhood and teenage years, you knew you could come to him for reassurance or advice, which he would give you after a few minutes of making fun if your situation. safe to say he was like an older brother you never had.

although you still kept in touch with him well into your adult life, meeting occasionally with the limited time you had on your hands, you weren’t as close as before. and although you sometimes missed having him next door, you would’ve never expected for it to be true again.

the universe must’ve been really bored to orchestrate this.

‘missed me so much you had to stalk me down to my apartment?’ his words had that familiar sting of teasing to them and you realized that he hasn’t changed all that much throughout the years.

‘even worse’ you replied, trying to keep yourself from smiling at your friend as a little crowd started forming around jeonghan, some of his friends gathering around with curiosity as to what was happening. the music in the back got turned off for a second. ‘i actually live across from you. and i think the first thing i’ll have to do is file a noise complaint, my lovely neighbour.’

he smiled, almost proud of the snarky tone of your words, the tone that you obviously inherited from him. if inheriting traits from people you’re not related to was even possible, he thought.

‘we’ll keep it down’ he said, laughing at the surprise on your face as you thought of just how quick he agreed. no sly replies, no tricks. ‘but you’re coming over tomorrow evening. we have a lot of catching up to do.’

a sigh left your lips, knowing that trying to say no to his offer would be pointless - he’d end up making you come either way.

‘only if you provide me with some good wine.’

you kept your promise - showing up in front of the apartment no. 17 yet again, which would soon become almost a habit for you, this time in a far better mood than yesterday. this situation was all too convenient, as umji mentioned something about wanting to invite a guy she’s been seeing over to the apartment, and you weren’t exactly sure whether you wanted to be there for that or not. knowing your friend, you’d rather be out.

jeonghan seemed not to change almost at all; he was still the same boy you knew as a child, with the exact same personality and sense of humor. although you had to admit he was way more mature now, which wasn’t surprising - after all he was an adult now.

‘oh, i also forgot to mention’ jeonghan said between small sips of wine. ‘seungkwan should be back in like ten minutes, so he’ll probably join us.’

you tilted your head slightly, as if trying to assess whether you had any knowledge of someone of that name. jeonghan seemed to catch that as he put his glass down on the table.

‘one of my friends. he lives here.’ he explained shortly.

‘there’s someone in this world who can tolerate living with you? that’s surprising.’

jeonghan let out a chuckle, reaching for the bottle to pour you another drink. as if on cue, the two of you heard a shift of the keys outside the apartment, the door opening in one swift move as a young, brown-haired man entered the apartment, reaching up to get the bangs out of his eyes as he closed the door with the other hand.

he was wearing a black tee and shorts, a sports bag thrown over his shoulder. he was probably back from some sort of training - which you didn’t need to be sherlock holmes to deduce - and by what he was carrying you figured he played badminton. but that wasn’t exactly what you paid most attention to.

jeonghan’s roommate was cute.

extremely so.

‘talk of the devil’ jeonghan muttered. his eyes darted to your face for a second, then back to seungkwan’s. ‘i’ve told you about y/n before, haven’t i? my amazing and definitely not annoying childhood neighbor.’

seungkwan nodded as he took off his shoes, stepping further into the apartment and stopping right in front of you. he offered you a warm smile as he reached out his hand, and you swore you almost melted right then and there.

‘sorry for being so loud yesterday,’ he said almost immediately. you focused on the softness of his voice rather than the statement itself, finding it surprisingly pleasant. ‘it’s hard to not be loud when you have thirteen grown and drunk men roaming around your living room.’

you laughed at his words. cute and funny. noted.

‘the downsides of a big friend group. i can imagine.’

‘not that you’d know anything about that’ jeonghan’s voice echoed from beside you, and you didn’t have to face him to see the smirk on his face. it was almost imprinted in your memory by now.

‘i have friends, jeonghan. if you’re curious enough to check, one of them is probably getting dicked down in my apartment right now.’

seungkwan cackled quietly, trying to cover up his sudden laughter with a cough but failing to do so. his smile dropped, however, once he noticed a small detail that he hasn’t registered before.

‘is that- yoon jeonghan, is that my wine?’

jeonghan’s lips curved up into a sly smile and it was enough for the younger man to know the answer.

‘yah! i told you not to drink it, i wanted to save it for a special occasion!’ he said dramatically, as if he was in a scene of some k-drama. watching the situation unfold, you couldn’t help but giggle. ‘how could you betray me like that?’

jeonghan shrugged, standing up to pat his friend on the shoulders. he shot him an annoyed glare.

‘don’t bitch about it, i’ll buy you a new one.’

‘that one was from italy.’ he whined, his expression changing into a pout as he turned towards his room. ‘and i had it hidden in my room, too! you truly are a devil, yoon jeonghan.’

you let out a laugh at the scene in front of you, your eyes lingering on seungkwan as he entered his room and closed the door behind him. the moment it closed, jeonghan was already facing you, his signature smirk gone.

‘you were giving him the eyes.’ he muttered, tilting his head slightly. you pretended to ignore his comment, as if you had no idea what he could possibly mean, but jeonghan knew you better than anyone; of course he’d notice that you’ve found his roommate attractive.

‘what, can’t let a girl dream a little?’ you said, putting your wine glass down on the table. maybe it was because you were slightly tipsy, but you didn’t notice straight away that jeonghan was now completely serious.

‘y/n,’ he said silently, almost as if he was disappointed to have to be the bearer of bad news. ‘he’s taken.’

oh.

oh.

and so almost a year has passed, and you powered through it, trying to ignore your feelings to your best ability. you got to know your neighbors and their friends - mainly soonyoung and dokyeom, a bit better - which, unfortunately for you, only fueled your crush on seungkwan. it was still a secret, though; a secret which you have now shared with jeonghan and umji, as it was inevitable that your amazing roommate would find out sooner or later. she was also no stranger to the boo seungkwan from apartment no. 17. as it turned out, they worked at the same place and have been colleagues even before you moved here.

what a small world it is.

by default, you were also introduced to seungkwan’s girlfriend, and the fact that she was the sweetest girl you’ve ever met in your life made your blood boil. she was the epitome of perfection; not a flaw in sight, easily likeable, perfectly matching seungkwan’s dramatic personality. it was as if they were tailor made for eachother. everyone adored her.

well, maybe except jeonghan. and you, but you weren’t so outright about it.

you always trusted jeonghan’s judgement about other people: after all, he’s been right time and time again. even back at school, he could always clearly tell when someone’s intentions weren’t good, he always saw clearly through anyone’s bullshit. it’s like he had some sort of sixth sense, used solely to sniff out whether someone was a good person or not.

‘i can’t pinpoint it exactly, but i don’t trust her one bit.’ he said one day, during your weekly meetups, plopping on your couch with a bottle of beer in hand. ‘i know that they’ve been dating for like, what, six months now? but there’s something fishy about their relationship. it’s like it’s all too good to be true.’

now you were seated between jeonghan and wonwoo, laughter erupting inside the living room of your friend’s apartment as soonyoung recalled one of his many embarrassing stories from when he was still studying to become a dance instructor. mingyu and umji were sitting at the kitchen counter, preparing some intricate dish that mingyu wanted to try out on his friends, while dokyeom and seungkwan were trying their hardest to convince chan to join them in singing karaoke. weren’t it for the fact that apartment no. 17 was the only used apartment on this floor other than your own, you would’ve probably got a noise complaint long ago.

but you’ve grown to appreciate the chaos that ensued whenever you met up with jeonghan’s friends. not only did they accept you as part of the group almost immediately, meeting up with them also meant being able to see seungkwan; even if it wasn’t going to lead to anything, which of course it wouldn’t (you aren’t a homewrecker, after all). they were definitely a very interesting bunch - sometimes you wondered how did it happen that all of them even became friends, given how different they were from each other. maybe that was just the key to a good friend group.

you heard mingyu groan in annoyance, a displeased look on his face.

‘we’re out of alcohol. anyone sober enough to go to the store?’ he said, closing the fridge as he turned towards the group. you knew what was coming, given that you haven’t had a drink yet, so you stood up from the couch almost on impulse.

‘i’ll go. none of you are eligible to drive in this state anyways.’ you mumbled as you headed towards the door, already crouching down to put on your shoes. ‘any special wishes on the specifics of the drinks?’

you’ve got a few answers, ranging from beer to the ‘strongest thing you can find’, which made you cackle a little considering that it was soonyoung's request (and you all knew that he was a lightweight, no doubt).

‘wait,’ you heard jeonghan say the moment you reached for the door, opening it slightly. you turned your head towards the man, and by the look on his face, you already knew he was planning something.

‘take seungkwan with you.’

you sighed, praying no one had noticed your reaction as seungkwan made his way towards you, seemingly ready to go. you shot jeonghan a knowing stare; if looks could kill, he would’ve been dead by now. he only laughed.

the fact that seungkwan was in a relationship didn’t stop jeonghan from putting you in situations where you had to spend one-on-one time with him. why? you figured it was to taunt you; as he liked, no, loved doing it to all his friends when the opportunity arose. your crush on his roommate was a perfect excuse to do just that.

you quickly grabbed the car keys from your apartment as seungkwan waited for you in front of the elevator. when you finally joined him and the two of you went inside, the automatic doors closing behind you, you could immediately feel the silence taking over.

boo seungkwan was far from a quiet person. all of his friends said he was the biggest extrovert among the thirteen, and it was easy to see. he was always the life of the party; entertaining everyone around him, cracking jokes left and right, always willing to talk with everyone no matter the topic, always ready to lend a helping hand when in need. everyone who ever had a chance to met him had the very same opinion of him - he was an amazing, sweet, loveable guy.

and yet somehow when the two of you were alone it was completely different.

it’s like there was an invisible wall between the two of you, something blocking a normal conversation from flowing naturally. it did make you a little disappointed every time you thought about it, although you have long given up the hope of building a closer connection with boo seungkwan the moment jeonghan informed you of his relationship status. maybe your crush was supposed to stay just that - a fleeting feeling unable to bloom into something more.

the entire drive to the store was silent; you could only hear the music coming playing at a low volume, seungkwan humming the melody occasionally. throughout the entire drive you couldn’t shake off the feeling of seungkwan watching you; you didn’t dare turn towards him, too focused on the road. you shifted your focus from seungkwan to the shopping you were about to do. you were lucky that the nearest supermarket was still open at this hour. thank god to whoever thought of making stores open 24/7.

you parked right next to the entrance, both of you swiftly making your way inside the store. still, no words were exchanged as you walked around, trying to find the alcohol aisle before seungkwan finally caught a glimpse of it at the end of the store, taking the lead as he pushed the cart in the right direction.

‘how much do we actually plan on buying?’ you were almost startled seungkwan’s voice, the man finally starting a conversation with you as the two of you stood in front of the alcohol aisle, eyeing the various bottles displayed on the shelves. you thought about the answer for a second, turning your head towards the boy.

‘enough for all of them to be satisfied, but not enough to let soonyoung throw up in the kitchen sink yet again.’ you said, recalling the unpleasant memory. ‘that shit was a nightmare to clean.’

seungkwan chuckled quietly, that warm smile you adored so much appearing on his face, his eyes lingering on your face for a second longer.

‘noted.’

before he could reach for the beer bottles on top of the shelves, he heard his phone buzzing, reaching into his pocket to check who it could’ve been. you’ve assumed it would probably be one of your friends, their patience running thin as they wanted their drinks to arrive as soon as possible - but you were proven otherwise once you noticed his reaction.

upon seeing the contact name, which you didn’t catch, flash on his screen, seungkwan’s demeanour immediately shifted. you could visibly see him tense up, fingers almost immediately clicking ‘ignore’ as his smile fell for just a split second. he quickly regained his composure, though, his lips curving up yet again, softer and less convincing this time. you decided not to ask him about it; if he wanted to, he would tell you himself. but your mind couldn’t stop itself from wondering.

you pushed those thoughts aside for the time being. right now you had to focus on getting the alcohol to jeonghan’s apartment - or else you would have all your friends sending you death wishes.

you tried to stay out of other people’s business, you really did. but with a roommate and best friend as nosy as umji, it was almost impossible to do so.

it was genuinely impressive how much she knew about other people’s lives - you could say she was your own personal gretchen wieners, providing you with gossip and drama whether you asked for it or not. an old colleague was getting married? she knew. your ex situationship fumbled another girl? she knew. that one professor from your college turned out to have a romance with one of his students? she made sure it was the first thing she told you after entering the apartment. so when you opened the door after work and saw her face almost buzzing with excitement, you knew that something interesting must’ve happened.

‘good information for you, not so good for the man of your dreams’ she said, motioning for you to close the door, as she turned her head towards you instantly. ‘i have reasons to believe seungkwan broke up with his girlfriend. scratch that - i know they broke up.’

you didn’t know whether you should jump with excitement or feel bad for your neighbour. instead, you just gave umji the look.

elaborate or else i might explode.

‘she came to our workplace today. i was just finishing some paperwork when i saw him storm off to the bathroom like he was trying to hide from someone. cue a few seconds later and she’s there, all dolled up, somehow even more than usual, listening to mingyu’s poor attempt at convincing her that he was sick and had to clock out early or something.’

umji sat down on the couch, running a hand through her hair.

‘my take is,’ she continued as she got comfortable ‘she did something to betray his trust really bad, and now she’s trying to get him back while he very clearly doesn’t want to and is avoiding her like crazy.’

‘aren’t you two friends?’ you said, reaching for the glass of water you left at the coffee table. ‘you could just ask him, you know.’

you knew that breakups were a really vulnerable thing. still, you couldn’t stop yourself from wanting to know the full story - the tiny glint of hope was still there in the back of your head. you felt bad for thinking like that, but unfortunately, curiosity got the better of you.

‘oh, i didn’t, but mingyu did. from what i overheard, he said that it’s a little complicated and that’s why he doesn't want to bring it up to his friends.’

you let out a chuckle, finding it amusing just how selfless your friend was with the snooping around.

‘well, no wonder. he’ll never hear the end of it if jeonghan finds out. he’s been skeptical about her from the very beginning and-‘

‘holy shit!’ umji squealed looking at her phone, making you jump in surprise at the sudden loud sound. she quickly stood up from her seat, running off to her room. ‘i’m late! okay, i would love to sit here and chit chat with you, you know i would right? but i have to leave in like thirty seconds or else i might be late to my date. love you, bye!’

you didn’t even have enough time to process what she said before she was out the door, leaving only silence (and a dirty dinner plate) behind her. a chuckle left your lips. classic umji.

you shot her a quick text of ‘stay safe and call me if anything goes wrong’ and stretched out, thinking of what to do now that you were left with this information alone, with no one around to talk about it with. so you did what everyone would do.

you were in front of jeonghan’s door in no time, a soft knock as you waited for him to open. you were ready to blurt out the entire formula of ‘you were right again’, following that with the explanation of the entire ordeal, but you were glad you held it in.

boo seungkwan opened the door, eyes widening slightly in surprise as he saw you standing in front of him. he must’ve just gotten out of the shower - his hair was still wet and a little messy, and you had to for yourself not to stare at him too much.

‘oh, hi’ you said quietly, somehow not expecting him to be the one to open the door for you, even though he lived in this apartment just as much as your best friend. ‘is jeonghan here?’

seungkwan shook his head, a soft smile on his lips.

‘you just missed him. he went out like half an hour ago to discuss some work stuff with seungcheol.’

‘oh, i won’t bother you then-‘

‘you’re not bothering me’ he said quickly, words blurted out faster than soonyoung when he tried to showcase his rapping skills after two beers and some whiskey. ‘you can come in. if you want to, of course. i’m actually quite bored so if you have nothing else to do then it would be nice to have some company.

you never complied so fast.

seungkwan suggested ordering some take out, complaining about how his stomach has been empty for the last few hours, and you were happy to agree to his suggestion, quickly agreeing on the food and opting for the most cliche way of spending time together; watching a movie.

you’ve (barely) managed to talk him into putting on one of the final destination movies, despite his many protests (which sounded like a child trying his best to persuade his mother not to go to the doctor). you convinced him it ‘wasn’t that scary’.

seungkwan was hiding behind a pillow before the movie even started.

‘oh come on, i’ve only explained the plot! the movie hasn’t even started yet.’ you whined, trying not to laugh at seungkwan’s displeased expression. ‘you’re just being dramatic.’

‘and you’re trying to make me have a heart attack so you can have your precious best friend jeonghan all to yourself.’ he said, his words muffled by the pillow on his face. the scene was almost comedic, you thought, deciding to torment him a bit more.

‘at least it’s not the one where a guy’s insides get sucked in by a pool’s draining system and then they get sprayed put everywhere-‘

‘can’t we watch cocomelon instead?’

you chuckled slightly, plopping down onto the couch, right next to seungkwan.

‘if you’ll get too scared, i’ll consider it.’

he finally complied with the most dramatic sigh you have ever heard in your life, the sound in itself making you giggle yet again. seungkwan kept clutching the pillow in his hands as the movie began, ready to use it to cover his eyes at all times, shooting you a glare each time you held up your laugh at his reactions.

after around twenty minutes or so, seungkwan’s phone started blowing up.

at first you thought it was his friends; you were after all aware of the infamous group chat with his twelve friends that would blow up with hundreds of messages due to the sheer amount of people in it.

but seungkwan’s expression changed to a displeased look, and this time it wasn't because of the movie.

his eyes kept moving from the tv screen to his phone, a small, almost inaudible sigh following each. in result, you watched as seungkwan finally put his phone on mute, standing up so he can leave it somewhere out of his view.

‘everything okay?’ you asked quietly as you noticed him sit back down, his mood slightly changed. seungkwan looked over to you, his face expression changing to a smile.

‘yeah. it’s just,’ he hesitated for a little, as if deciding on whether he should confide in you with this information or not. after a short pause, he decided to continue. ‘my ex won’t stop bugging me, you know? well, i suppose you do know already.’

you tilted your head slightly, as if not understanding what he meant.

‘umji isn’t really slick with her eavesdropping, you know.’ he mumbled. ‘and knowing her, she’d probably yap to you first.’

well, he wasn’t wrong.

‘sorry for that.’

‘don’t be. it’s not your fault.’

‘can i ask what happened?’

seungkwan let out a small chuckle, his eyes darting away towards his hands.

‘we started dating- well, fake dating first because she tried to get rid of a guy that wouldn’t stop bugging her. i felt bad for her, and i wasn’t interested in anyone at the time, so i agreed to it.’ the movie seemed to be forgotten already, your attention solely on seungkwan and the story he was telling.

seungkwan seemed like the person who would agree to a fake dating situation out of pure pity; his friends often mentioned how he’s too nice for his own good, and you couldn’t disagree. he was always extremely empathetic towards others, and as much as you viewed it as a strength, at times it was the exact opposite.

‘it wasn’t all that bad; she’s sweet, funny and all, but i thought we agreed on it being just a deal that would last for no more than a year. but when that weird guy finally stopped bugging her and i tried to call things off, suddenly she would find every excuse imaginable to keep me next to her for longer. she wouldn’t even listen to me when i tried to give her my reasoning! the only thing that i could do was to just try and ignore her. unfortunately for me, she knows where i work. and even worse: where i live. i’m surprised she hasn’t tried to come down here yet. except for leaving multiple letters in our mailbox downstairs. then there’s also calling and texting me every day and-‘

‘is she a psycho or something?’

seungkwan chuckled.

‘yeah. insane girls dig me, i guess.’ he fixed his hair, a few strands sticking to his forehead. ‘unfortunately for her, i like someone else.’

oh.

seungkwan’s confession definitely caught you off guard, but it has also made you extremely curious of the details. of course, there were a few possibilities of how this situation would unfold:

1. the, at least in your opinion, less possible one - the mystery girl that seungkwan mentioned turns out to be you, cue a sweet love confession and living happily ever after with three dogs two cats and jeonghan (because he is part of the package, unfortunately)

2. it’s a different girl, and upon finding out you will drown in agony yet again, having to listen to him talk about someone he likes while being painfully aware that it’ll never be you.

you thought of what to say next, weighing the options while taking into consideration the possible outcomes as fast as you could, trying not to let the silence between you and seungkwan linger for too long. the most logical approach would probably be not to ask, slowly changing the topic of the conversation to avoid any awkwardness from both sides. but logic, as it often was the case with you, got quickly swept aside by a wave of curiosity.

‘oh really? i wonder who that could be.’

you tried to sound chill, and you prayed to god that seungkwan didn’t notice the slight change in the pitch of your voice as you spoke. he averted his gaze yet again, eyes falling down to the floor, all of a sudden very interested in the rug that has been in that same place for over two years now.

‘well, i guess i can tell you.’ he mumbled, and you swore you’ve never seen him this shy before. you always believed seungkwan to be the loud, extrovert type who’s always extremely outspoken and draws attention all the time: and you mostly weren’t wrong. but behind that was a different side of him, one that you wouldn’t see often. a side much more vulnerable, much more calm, almost as if he switched personalities with someone else.

seungkwan cleared his throat, turning his head to face you with a small smile. he scooted a bit closer, as if to tell you a secret, and only then have you noticed how close to him were you sitting, arms gently brushing against each other, faces closer than ever before. you could almost feel his breath on your skin, the entire situation making your face flush with a light shade of pink that you hoped seungkwan hasn’t noticed.

you expected him to explain who the mystery person was. what you didn't expect, however, was for boo seungkwan to lean in and kiss you.

in a different life you might've taken that as a sign of you finally getting your chance; kissing him back, getting your happy ending after months of unreciprocated feelings. and yet as much as you wanted to pull him closer, move towards him, your body betrayed you. you froze on the spot, paralyzed and unable to do anything other than sit there in utter shock, which alerted seungkwan to move back, a look full of panic and regret starting to appear.

the boy opened his mouth, eyes scanning your face. he was ready to say something, but the sound you were met with was surely far from his voice.

‘guess who’s back!’

yoon jeonghan.

you almost jumped at the sound, quickly followed by what seemed to be bottles clanking in the bag and seungcheol’s quiet greeting as he entered right behind your friend. jeonghan immediately sensed that something was happening upon noticing the displeased expression on your face and the slight flush on seungkwan’s ears; a detail that even you haven’t noticed. you turned towards the tv, ready to grab the remote and pause the movie, only to notice the end credits rolling. time sure flies fast.

‘weren’t the two of you supposed to discuss some work stuff?’ seungkwan asked awkwardly, hand motioning to the bag his friend set down on the kitchen counter, as if to suggest they were using work as an excuse to drink together yet again. jeonghan chuckled, opening one of the drawers to search for a bottle opener.

‘we finished early. sorry for interrupting your date, lovebirds.’ seungcheol couldn’t help but cackle at jeonghan’s comment. your face heated up almost immediately, head quickly turning towards seungkwan who was ready to deny his roommate’s claim, but jeonghan was faster. ‘don’t explain yourself, i don’t wanna know. join us for a drink, will you?’

the two of you complied, having no other choice, and even though you weren't the only ones in the room, you could feel the atmosphere change; seungkwan appeared more quiet, avoiding eye contact with you, almost as if he wasn't fully present in the conversation.

you couldn’t help but sigh, pulling out your phone to quickly answer notifications from umji, opening your chat with jeonghan to send him a short message, making your friend chuckle, his signature smirk appearing as he spotted the notification on his phone screen.

‘i hate you more than words can describe.’

umji hasn’t stopped laughing for five minutes.

‘oh, jeonghan really knows how to fuck with you two. it’s almost as if he did it all on purpose.’

‘you're focusing on the wrong thing, umji!’ you whined, turning to lay on her back, a displeased look on your face as you covered it with a pillow. ‘did you not hear me when i said that he kissed me? do i have to repeat myself again and be even more embarrassed? he kissed me, and i didn't even react- god, why did i not react at all?’

‘i did, don't whine. have you spoke to him since then? small talk doesn’t count.’ umji questioned as she plopped on the couch, laying down next to you. the grimace on your face only grew larger as you shook your head.

it’s been over three weeks since that evening and you and seungkwan haven’t exchanged a single word or text. you tried to blame it on the different work hours, the piles of paperwork you had and the time consuming team projects seungkwan had to deal with, but deep down you were aware that what happened has surely been at fault as well. despite your busy schedule, trying not to think about it was impossible.

if you bumped into each other on the elevator, seungkwan would politely meet you and practically sprint out the moment the doors opened. as time went by you noticed that he even started taking the stairs sometimes, giving the excuse of ‘getting more exercise’ when questioned about it by jeonghan. whenever someone mentioned going out for drinks or meeting at someone's house to spend some quality time together, seungkwan was either a no show or avoided you like the plague; it was an unbearable thing to experience, but you've learned to bottle it up so that you don't turn everyone's mood sour.

umji broke the silence, noticing your long lack of a verbal response.

‘to be perfectly honest, i think the two of you are just fucking stupid. well, him mostly, but you know what i mean.’

‘huh?’

the girl sighed.

‘you two clearly like each other.’ she explained, dragging you up to a sitting position. ‘instead of talking to each other and clearing things up, you tiptoe around it and pretend nothing has happened. and i can understand everything, truly, but he's acting like a high school girl avoiding her crush in the hallway. no offence, i love you both, but if you don’t corner him in some way and talk it out i will ask jeonghan to do it for you, and you know he will make a show out of it.’

‘you wouldn’t do that.’ you looked over to your friend, who shrugged in response.

‘desperate times call for desperate measures.’ she smiled innocently. ‘anyways, it’s your turn to do the laundry today, love. the basket isn’t going to get itself downstairs to the laundry room, you know.

upon hearing you groan, umji couldn’t help but crack a laugh. getting the laundry downstairs and then back to your apartment had to be on of your least favorite house chores to do despite not being as tiring as some of the others. you hated the laundry ever since you were young; maybe because you were always the one to do it in your house, taking a plastic chair from the garden to stand on so that you would even be able to hang the clothes to dry, or maybe because jeonghan tried his best to make you fall from said chair whenever possible, blaming it on the wind each time. as the two of you grew up he stopped his antics, but it was safe to say that upon any mention of the laundry your expression still turned into an almost comical grimace.

the laundry room in your apartment complex was located on the first floor, and so you opted for the only logical option; the elevator. while inside, you couldn’t help but think of seungkwan. maybe what umji was saying was right - maybe you should’ve just come up to him and talk instead of drowning in agony and waiting in your room. but then again, with how much he was avoiding you, it wasn't as easy as it sounded.

your thoughts were consumed by seungkwan at this point; about how to approach him again, how to tell him the truth about your feelings towards his. the universe had a funny way of working, though, and it certainly did not want to give you time to plan it out.

you saw his face first thing when the elevator door opened; here stood boo seungkwan in all of his glory, black shirt and shorts along with his all time favorite navy blue cap. you assumed he was back from a run by the outfit and the beads of sweat on his forehead.

seungkwan seemed just as surprised as you were, eyes darting away from your gaze instantly.

‘oh, hi-‘

‘could you help me carry the laundry?’ seungkwan was ready to greet you and leave it at that, but you didn’t give him the chance, cutting him off before he finished speaking. the man turned around, taking a quick look at you and the heavy-looking laundry basket in your hands, and the answer was obvious.

neither of you uttered a word throughout the walk, the silence between you absolutely unbearable; you could physically feel the weight of the words that haven’t been said for the past few weeks, hovering over you and making it impossible to function normally around one another.

seungkwan awkwardly put the basket down on the ground, right next to one of the many washing machines in the laundry room.

‘thank you.’ you offered him a smile, trying to soften the atmosphere at least a bit. a sense of relief washed over you when you saw him smile back; you missed that sight a lot during the past weeks, so, although it was a small thing considering the whole situation, it made you more joyful than you would like to admit.

he stood there for a few more seconds, unsure of what to do with himself before eventually turning back towards the door.

‘i should go back to my apartment now, i guess.’

seungkwan didn’t even manage to take three steps before he felt your hand on his arm, gripping it lightly.

‘wait.’ your voice was quiet as he turned around to face you, confused and curious at the same time. you took a deep breath as if to gain some more courage through it before you continued. ‘can we talk? about, you know, that evening-‘

‘ah, that!’ seungkwan’s demeanor changed visibly at the mention of that particular situation, an awkward laugh leaving his lips. ‘yeah, about that. i’m sorry for doing that, you know, kissing you and stuff, i should’ve told you that i like you first instead of acting up on it like a hormonal teenager and ruining the mood. it’s stupid, you can forget all of that really-‘

‘seungkwan.’

‘-and i can understand if you don’t feel the same way, you know? i didn’t want it to be awkward for you at the functions so i distanced myself a bit but it’s all good, we can still be friends if you don’t mind but then again i can totally understand it if you don’t want that to be the case-‘

‘boo seungkwan.’

‘what?’

before he knew it, your lips were on his.

seungkwan was definitely caught by surprise, and yet his hand instinctively went up to rest on your cheek as the other found its way to your waist, pulling you closer and deepening the kiss. it felt as if the two of you were letting out all the tension from the past weeks; all the words which haven’t yet been said conveyed in one action. he felt your fingers running through his hair and he couldn’t help the low hum of satisfaction leaving his lips.

you were practically melting in his hands, trying to keep yourself from smiling as your lips worked swiftly against his, wanting to savor this moment forever, drowning in the pleasure of a simple kiss.

‘you said that it’s stupid and that i can forget all of it.’ you repeated his words, breaking the kiss for a quick gasp of air. ‘it wasn’t stupid. and i certainly do not want to forget it.’

seungkwan smiled, eyes sparkly, glimmering with a childlike joy and you swore he never looked more beautiful. he didn’t say anything; instead kissing you again, letting his actions do the talking for him.

‘this whole thing feels like a dream i’m going to wake up from in a second.’ he muttered in between kisses, not wanting to stop it just yet. you couldn’t help but chuckle at his remark.

‘should i pinch you so you find out?’ you mumbled, reaching for one of his hands and intertwining your fingers with his as you took a step back, smiling playfully at seungkwan, both of you visibly flushed.

‘nah. i think one more kiss will do the trick instead.’

‘are you sure you packed everything?’

you turned your head towards seungkwan who was anxiously pacing around the room and you. couldn’t help but chuckle. you smiled, getting up from your sitting position to approach him, a reassuring smile on your face.

‘a hundred percent sure.’

‘what about sunscreen? and toothpaste, have you packed toothpaste?’ seungkwan continued rambling as he stood in front of you, taking your hands in his. he was caught off guard by your sudden laugh, head tilting to the side. ‘what’s so funny?’

‘you’re cute, kwannie.’ you mumbled, leaning in to give him a quick peck on the lips. ‘i have checked it a few times to see if i have packed everything, so you don’t have to worry. and even if it turns out we forgot something, we can buy it when we get there.’

seungkwan seemed more relaxed after hearing your words, lips curving up into a smile as he wrapped his arms around you in a tight hug, placing a small kiss on the top of your head.

‘you’ll have plenty of time for smooching and hugging and whatnot once we’re at our destination, lovebirds.’ jeonghan’s voice echoed from behind you, the man leaning on the doorframe with his arms crossed. ‘we have a plane to get to now, you know.’

you sighed dramatically, loosening the hug and eventually stepping out from your boyfriend’s personal space to go close your suitcase.

‘remind me, why are we taking you with us again?’ you asked, pretending to be annoyed with your friend’s presence.

‘because you both love me very dearly, obviously.’ jeonghan muttered, rolling his eyes, and you could hear seungkwan laughing behind you at his roommate’s statement. ‘also, me and seungkwan are a buy one get one free package. you signed up for that, so take it or leave it.’

‘sure, whatever tickles your fancy, jeonghan.’ you laughed, walking past him in the door. ‘remind me to find you a date so that you stop following us like a puppy.’

‘just call seungcheol up and the problem will be solved.’ seungkwan muttered, the three of you making your way to the elevator. jeonghan was ready to deny his friend’s words but he stopped himself, a sigh leaving his lips.

‘i introduced you two to each other and you make fun of me like that? you two are really something.’ his words earned a laugh from both you and seungkwan, which seemingly irked jeonghan up even more. ‘thank god i have perfect blackmail material for both of you.’

both you and seungkwan turned towards him at the same time, jeonghan’s signature evil-looking grin plastered to his face. the elevator doors opened and all three of you stepped inside with your luggage.

‘oh, and one more thing.’ you mentioned as the elevator stopped downstairs, ready to step out of it the moment the doors open. ‘since i’m driving, i’m choosing the playlist.’

the chaos that ensued after this statement could only make you laugh, seungkwan and jeonghan arguing over how your playlist is shit and it should be one of them who gets to control the aux, the discussion then drifting towards who’s going to be the passenger princess (as if the answer wasn’t obvious already). looking at the two of them bickering, you only thought one thing.

this is going to be a long, long drive.

[hwnglx]

pick a pile - what impression do people have of you?

i'm already back with another pac! let's see what impression people have of you, or what they think of you. breathe slowly, take your time and use your intuition to go with the pile that speaks to you the most. take what resonates, leave what doesn't. 𓆩♡𓆪

pile 1 ❥

hi lovely pile 1 person! you seem to have a harmonious and cooperative impression on people. they might think that you're good at matching yourself to others, good at compromising, just pleasant to be with. they enjoy being around you because you usually don't (at least not intentionally!) overpower people, and prefer not disturbing the peace. and although you don't always feel the need to put yourself above anyone; there still is a quiet sense of confidence within you. you do have quite a strong impression and presence. you're someone who's always seeking to find your very own inner calling, and might be much more self-focused than what meets the eye at first. you just have this nice balance between, not overstepping any lines, understanding the value of harmony between the people you're with (i do think you want to be liked by them!) but also being sure of what you yourself want and need in life, and what you have to do to get it. people might notice that in you. you can have an abundance of energy and passion for the things you feel enthusiastic about.

in addition to that, people seem to acknowledge you being a wise soul, who has gone through their fair share of cycles in life, including difficulties, and therefore has developed a more quiet but powerful inner strength.

they also might think of you as someone who does not shy away from actively speaking their mind once they feel strongly about something. it's giving this usually peaceful and balanced person, who'll transform into a much more direct and straightforward person once a subject is important to them. like you can talkkk, pile 1 person. i just keep hearing you talk haha.. i can see some people being quite surprised over how assertive you can actually be once your opinion is provoked. they might think that you have much more masculine, dominant and assertive energy than one would expect at first glance.

pile 2 ❥

hi lovely pile 2 person! you seem quite youthful in energy. maybe you're someone who always approaches life in a curious manner, always eager to learn and explore different aspects of life; which might be something others notice about you too. they think you're humble, usually more reserved, and very observant. like you have a good eye for things, notice the small details about people, and are always listening and in tune with the people around you. people might also see you as someone who, despite normally being quite grounded, stable and down to earth, does absolutely not shy away from defending themselves if someone manages to come at you. i personally wouldn't want to rub you the wrong way. it's giving “i'm usually nice and chill, laidback.. i just quietly watch everyone, but best believe if you provoke me, you will see a different side of me.” people might think of you as someone with a quick wit and fast-thinking, and a good speaker. like you might talk a lot once you start lmao. a person who's good at asserting their opinion in an impactful and strong manner.

they might also view you as someone who's quite knowledgable, and does have much more inner wisdom than one would expect from your potentially more youthful appearance or aura. it's like you're a young-looking person with a soul much older than what meets the eye. people might be impressed by the good advice you can give to them, and how capable you are of having deep and meaningful conversations about life. you might have a bit of a philosophical vein in you. yet there also is this freedom-loving and free-spirired side to you, where people might think that you usually just don't enjoy being restricted. they might see you as a person who prefers focusing on their own desires and wishes, and enjoys feeling like you aren't tied to anyone or anything in life. you also enjoy having fun, letting lose; not always taking life too seriously. people truly seem to notice this nice balance between youthful and lighthearted, but also mature and grown-up energy within you. i feel like you'd be a great friend to have, actually!

pile 3 ❥

hi lovely pile 3 person! you seem like such a sweetheart, my god. my heart kinda melted right here and there. are you an everybody's darling? i feel like you might have some significant water placements, considering the abundance of cups i got. or maybe you're just very emotional, do you cry easily? i feel like you might get sappy and sentimental about little things, like movies. people around you seem to genuinely enjoy your company, because you're just a joy to be with. you have this nice combination of, knowing how to have fun and enjoy a good time with groups of people, maybe you like going to parties sometimes, but also being excellent at creating special 1:1 connections to others.

they might see you as a person who's able to connect to the people around you in this profound, meaningful and deep manner, where they just feel understood, cared about and listened to when they're with you. when you love someone, you love them with your entire soul. you also might have very non-judgemental, nurturing and caring energy, which people around you appear to be very appreciative of. they also seem to think that you are very beautiful and in tune with your feminine qualities, you might enjoy taking care of the people you love and cherish. people might see you as someone pretty emotional and sensitive too, a kind-natured and loving person who wears their heart of gold on their sleeve. maybe you enjoy cooking, or doing something creatively. in addition, people might just think you're immensely charming (i feel like you might have a charming laugh or smile) and have this dreamy and lovely energy. people think that you're someone who loves the beautiful and aesthetic things in life, maybe you love the idea of love, and are quite a hopeless romantic at heart.

however, they might also notice that you can absolutely be more dominant at times, especially when it comes to your career, work or finances. they likely see you as quite reliable, someone who's stable and dependable when the situation calls for it, and values financial security and safety. someone who can definitely tap into their more “masculine” energy if they feel the need to. they might think that regardless of your usually emotional and soft-hearted nature, you have a strong sense of responsibility and put importance into making sure you stick by the things you say, and keep your promises.

pile 4 ❥

hi lovely pile 4 person! so, as soon as i drew the first card i did hear “pick me”, so maybe people see you as someone who can give off pick me energy. although i have to say, you might be a person who's quite misunderstood and unfairly perceived in some ways. a lot of people might have the impression that you're often overly eager to stand out, maybe a bit of an attention-seeker, though this might just come to you quite naturally. like.. it ain't your fault you're unique, jeez. ㅜ.ㅜ

you seem like an interesting, smart and clever person, who might have a melodic voice, and just speaks in this eloquent and intriguing way. you also might struggle with having a sensitive and emotional heart deep down. do you feel like people often come to you with a false prejudice set in place, and misjudge you for that reason? some people might not see you for the sweet and soft person you actually are. they might not approach you as comfortably, although you absolutely are a genuine sweetheart to the people you are close to and on good terms with. those people might recognise you for your at times youthful, dreamy and lovely energy.

you might give off the energy of a person who appears a little cold, but actually has a vast emotional inner world. some people might also view you as someone who can appear quite guarded and closed off, just because you've been through a lot and don't enjoy putting yourself into a vulnerable place anymore. it truly feels like you've been through a good amount of difficult times in your life, in which people saw you as an easy target and you received some undeserved attacks; which as a result, has made you more wary and careful around people. you might have your walls up a lot of the time, in order to protect that continuously impressionable heart of yours.

i kinda felt for this pile, so i just want to say; don't let anyone tell you you're something you're not! easier said than done but.. try to protect your inner softness, and don't allow people to turn you bitter. you seem to have a genuinely sweet interior, and the people who truly know you, seem very appreciative of it. so don't be swayed by the other people, embrace your true inner nature and try to accept and love yourself for who you are. i feel like you might get impacted by external opinions more than you'd like to admit, but 99% of those opinions are superficial and subjective, and not genuinely representative of your true qualities. stray strong, dear fighter <3

[buckevantommy]

Everyone's always telling Buck what he should do. Okay, sometimes he did ask for their advice, but every piece of advice he's followed through on lately has ended badly and everything they tell him to do he doesn't actually want to do.

He should want to do something if it's supposed to make him feel better, if it's supposed to be better for him, right?

Josh told him to bulldoze ahead and tell Tommy what he wanted. Tommy told him to re-enact his Buck 1.0 days and spend time with some indeterminate amount of people until he finds someone forever. Maddie and Chim told him to start dating again and also wait for the universe to bring him someone special; another someone. Hen and Eddie told him not to contact Tommy.

He doesn't want to do any of that! He wants to talk to Tommy, to see him, to get Tommy to talk to him instead of giving up on them and running away because he's scared. He wants to tell Tommy he loves him. He wants Tommy to know first and last aren't mutually exclusive. He wants to yell at Tommy, and kiss him, and hold him. He wants Tommy to apologise for breaking his heart and for being a dumbass. He wants Tommy to believe him when he says he won't do the same; well, he might be a dumbass sometimes - but he would never break Tommy’s heart. He wants to apologise for jumping ahead but also not have to apologise for wanting a life with Tommy or for being too much.

Since that first night Tommy kissed him, he's felt reborn. Not in some starry-eyed way that Tommy seems to think is fake and won't last, but in the way that he's shed the skin of past Buck upgrades and finally grown into his body, become comfortable in who he is instead of trying to fit a facade that other people would accept. Always too big, too much, not enough, never content to just sit in his self and be without his worries and insecurities moulding him into something else, something with a better chance of getting people to like him, love him, stay with him. 

He’s never felt more himself or more at ease in a relationship that meant something to him than he did with Tommy. Never felt more wholly seen - the good, the bad, and the too-much and not enough - by his partner and adored anyway, wanted anyway.

Halfway through making swiss meringue buttercream instead of breakfast, he realises he's thinking about Tommy. His coping skill, as Bobby called it, has stopped working.

There's butter and sugar in the creases of his hands and nailbeds even after he hurriedly wipes them with the dishcloth over his shoulder. He can see it as he scoops up his phone from the charger and thumbs over to his message thread with Tommy, leaving greasy crumby residue on the screen.

i saw you bubbling

After it happened, after the Chief distracted everyone enough for him to grab his phone and retreat somewhere he wouldn't be disturbed, he'd stared at the space where the unsent message had appeared for twenty minutes waiting for the type bubble to reappear. Waiting for Tommy to hit send on whatever he'd backtyped.

Buck's mind had spiralled with all the possibilities and while it spiralled and he stared and waited he never got around to actually calling or texting Tommy himself. And then the bell rang.

He has time, now. He has things he wants to say.

you were going to tell me something an maybe i wont like what it was but just knowing you almost reached out is kinda driving me crazy bc i have a fridge full of baked goods bc everytime i think about calling you i bake and now i havnt cooked a proper meal in my own place in over a week bc i dont have room in my damn fridge to store anything besides chocholate chip bananan bread and baked alaskas

He wants to say: and it's all your fault! but that's not the whole truth. Buck played his part in this, set the wheels in motion that drove Tommy away from him. But how the hell was he supposed to know that? And Tommy should've known by now he doesn't really do 'slow'.

i'm not sorry for being too much bc i shouldnt haveto apologize for being myself

Screw it. Can't get any worse, right? Tommy's getting all of him whether he likes it or not.

i dont see you as some queer life coach or someone to fill space until someon else comes along

thats not who i am

i thought you knew me better than that but whatevr ig

i wanted to live with you bc i want a life with you bc i love you

i love you

i shouldve said that first

Send after send, typing like a man possessed, he gets out everything that's been pent up inside him since the shock wore off a week ago.

His chest is heaving as the adrenaline rushes through his veins. And his eyes sting. He has to blink away tears as he reads over the last message.

He never told Tommy. Tommy doesn't know. Maybe Buck wasn't sure that night Josh asked him, but he knows it now.

i wanted you to be my last

He still does.

i wanna hate you for giving up on us

but i cant seem to hate you

This whole thing would hurt a lot less if he could just hate Tommy for what he did. It would hurt a lot less if they could find a way through this mess, together, and come out the other side stronger because they know each other better and know they want to fight for what they have.

Real love is worth fighting for. Red taught him that. Real love isn’t found, it’s made. Old gay Thomas taught him that.

Well, Buck found Tommy. Or, the universe did. And he’s going to fight, dammit, because he wants to build a future with Tommy. 

His vision has blurred with hot tears. Movement on his screen catches his attention from where his gaze had drifted over to the couch where Tommy had stayed to take care of him through his Billy Boils saga.

Tommy is bubbling him.

Buck’s heart lurches in his chest. His breath catches.

can we talk?

There’s a huff of something like manic laughter as he swipes at his snotty nose.

that’s what i typed

Hope blooms in his chest, sudden and bright and painful in the best way.  

can we?

I think I owe it to you to yell at me in person

There’s a long moment where Buck tries to return his breathing to normal but its bated as he watches three little dots appear, then disappear. 

Then reappear. 

Then disappear.

Then:

I don’t want to give up on us either

Buck’s tears are still making his vision watery, but now they’re tears of joy. He did what he wanted to do - he reached out. And Tommy heard him.

He should take his own advice more often.

[one-green-frog]

I think a cute fic with Batfam is what they would do if they had a nightmare how would they act with reader?

Nightmare

It wasn’t often that you woke up in a sweat. Ever since moving in with your family, all your problems seemed to fade away. But sometimes, your past still haunted you. Just like now, as distorted images of your life before the manor flashed before your eyes—and worse, images of your family hating you. You saw the hate in their eyes, the way they simply turned their backs on you, voices filled with nothing but disgust. It broke your heart

Luckily, it didn’t take long for you to wake up. But that didn’t make it any less scary. Hands shaking, heart racing, breath quickening—you tried to get out of bed as fast as possible. But you stumbled to the ground, feet still tangled in your blanket. With erratic, frantic movements, you finally broke free and ran out of your room. You didn’t want to disturb them—you knew they hardly got any sleep—but right now, you needed them. You’d apologize later if needed. Without much thought, you stumbled into the room, shocking the inhabitant awake.

Dick was used to comforting others, and he did a great job at it too. It was like an innate ability of his. He somehow always knew when someone had a troubled mind. It still happened occasionally—one of his brothers would come to him for advice or simply someone to listen. For Dick, it was almost protocol when you walked into his room, shaking him awake. He was up and ready in an instant, before calming down a bit, looking into your eyes, and asking softly, “What’s wrong?”

Though from the way you were crying, he realized you probably couldn’t speak right then. So he simply scooped you up and brought you to his bed. He wrapped his blanket tightly around you and let you cry while he whispered sweet words in your ear. So there you two sat, in Dick’s bed, while you slowly calmed down and eventually fell asleep.

Dick, however, stayed awake the whole night—too afraid he’d miss something if he closed his eyes. His heart was beating too fast, body still filled with adrenaline. The image of you bursting into his room, tears in your eyes, was a nightmare to him. He knew he couldn’t stop the next one, but at least he could hold you safely in his arms.

The moment you stepped inside Jason’s room, he was up and ready to murder. His first thought: someone broke in hurt you. Second thought: you somehow hurt yourself. Finally, it registered—you were scared.

Immediately, all the anger left his body, replaced by the soft, sad puppy he often was around you. Jason wrapped you tightly in his strong arms, caging you in—but it made you feel safe, like no one could ever take you away from him. Jason gently carried you to his bed and laid you down before crawling in beside you. He wrapped his arms around you again and placed your head on his chest so you could hear his heartbeat.

The whole night, Jason lay awake, gently stroking your head while you slept. It had scared him—how suddenly you’d burst in like that, eyes wide and filled with teary. Holding you close, being able to check that you were alright, helped calm him too.

Tim, unsurprisingly, was still awake—working away on his computer. He stumbled when he jumped from his chair and frantically checked you over for any injury. Once he realized nothing was broken or bleeding, he let out a breath of relief—but he knew the problem wasn’t solved yet.

Tim wasn’t usually the one offering comfort. His brothers were better at it. But he would never turn you away. You came to him for a reason.

He led you toward his bed, sat beside you, and gently took your hands in his. He listened to the jumble of words pouring out between sobs. Slowly, your crying softened to a gentle sniffling. Even when your breathing returned to normal, you didn’t leave—and Tim didn’t expect you to.

You settled in his bed, and he tucked you in. It was obvious he didn’t do this often, but you still felt his love and care in the way he fumbled through it. A while later, Tim joined you, saving his work first. He hadn’t expected to sleep so early, but with you beside him, it was an opportunity he didn’t want to miss. As he laid down, snuggling into your side, he found himself falling asleep much more easily than usual.

Damian did not expect to be woken up in the middle of the night. Usually, no one dared to enter his room uninvited—especially at night. He was adamant about needing his beauty sleep. But he quickly realized it was you, his older brother, and from your heavy breathing and wide eyes, you were clearly in distress.

Without hesitation, you scooped him up into a tight hug. Normally he’d protest, but now wasn’t the time. Calmly, Damian led you to the kitchen. Despite his age, he had taken a deep interest in herbs and their effects on the body. While speaking softly to keep your mind occupied—telling you about his barn project, or a school friend he helped in the library—he prepared you a tea.

It worked. It kept your thoughts from spiraling. You forgot the hopelessness, the disgusted stares from those nightmare-versions of your family. The tea tasted amazing, and its warmth soothed you.

Afterward, you both returned to his room. You curled up with him in bed, arms around his smaller form as you drifted to sleep.

As a father, Bruce was used to sleepless nights. When he took in his children, most of them were still young. Night terrors were expected. He'd gotten used to the sound of tiny feet padding to his door. For Bruce, it wasn’t a burden—it was a gift. The chance to care for someone who trusted him enough to seek comfort.

He didn’t register much when his door creaked open. His instincts took over: a child in distress, his child, and without a second thoughthe lifted the blanket, inviting you in. You crawled into bed, practically hiding in his chest. Bruce wrapped one arm around you, holding you close, mumbling soft reassurances into your ear.

Truthfully, Bruce liked it when you came to him like this. It reminded him that he still had a chance to get things right. To be the father his children deserved. He had the chance to raise someone without losing them, without pushing them away.

Sleep came hard to Bruce most nights. But for you, he would go without it entirely.

Thank you for requesting.

I wasn't sure if the reader or the family had a nightmare so if i chose wrong please let me know and I'll happily write it :)

Taglist: @lilyalone

[shadesoflsk]

YOUR? OUR MARGARET

PAIRING: Leon Kennedy x Single mom!reader

SUMMARY: Life slowed down when Leon first saw those tiny rays of sunlight. But he didn't think he would fall in love with the whole sun. Or: Leon falls in love with a single mother.

WARNINGS: Brief mentions of alcohol, government, leon's traumas, love confessions, Leon is a bit insecure and awkward but he's also a sweetheart and has a soft spot for kids, cheesy and corny type of love, this is just fluff believe me!

WORD COUNT: 4.5k

AUTHOR'S NOTE: If I had a nickel for every time I've written about Leon's transition from vendetta to death island I would have two which it isn't a lot but it's funny it happened twice. If you wish to know what song Leon played this is the one I had in mind. As always, I hope you like it. This is my Valentine's Day fic for today!

MY MASTERLIST

Gruesome scenarios and depressive states of mind have tainted Leon's path in life. However, the grizzled and gloomy agent has had a rather rough patch this last year in which he was left alone to die in his own sorrow—Raccoon City, Spain, China and his already-known addiction took a toll on him.

He doesn't have anyone to blame, nor does he want to. Yeah, he could blame the government for stripping him of his innocence and his genuine wish to help people but he felt like he had failed his nation, not the DSO, not the FBI, just him.

Behind closed doors, in the white house and for everyone else he's Agent Leon Kennedy, Mr. Kennedy, and if someone were to ask the president he'd say he's the most trusted weapon the country has. 

He has grown accustomed. His shield has hardened to the point he's numb to most things he should find disturbing or annoying yet he couldn’t help but wish someone would see him the way he really is. 

A bittersweet feeling grew in Leon’s system. Alcohol no longer brought the same dull sensation that’d put him to sleep even in the loudest and sleazy bar. So, slowly he grew out of his addiction. Not alone, though. Alongside him were a couple of therapists which he reluctantly confided in. Not because he didn’t believe in mental health, but because he thought it wasn’t for him.

Also, his friends made his life a bit better. Spare the man the embarrassment, but friendship does indeed make you see the world more colorfully. It was nice hearing his name slip out of his friends' lips. Leon, Leon! Aww, Leon. 

However, life didn’t prepare him for the moment his name was replaced by a:

Dada.

Therapists had told him he should look for a hobby, something that’d fill those moments where boredom or monotony would push him to fall back into his deadly addictions. And he completely understood, he ought to follow the experts’ advice in order to actually improve.

It was rather easier, he was not a complicated man. 

Even before the Raccoon City incident, he loved exercising. Whether it was lifting weights, cycling, or plain running he’d always be found doing something. The mere thought of just lying in bed was something he’d never engage in, especially not now that he’s getting better. 

So, he combined two things. One he was familiar with and a second one he hasn’t been able to really connect with: nature. 

Near his current apartment, there was a small park in which he goes jogging. Usually, his schedule would only allow him to go there in the early hours of the morning where the only people he’d find were retired grandparents who danced to some Spanish music he couldn’t understand.

Peaceful, he liked it. 

But when he was getting used to his daily morning jogging, a call from work told him they needed him ASAP. So, his little detoxicating activity would be postponed to the afternoon. 

After dealing with the usual stress from work, calls from Hunnigan, and a rather bothersome headache, he got to his apartment and decided to get ready and not skip his so-needed jogging. 

The afternoon sky was painted with a hue of blue mixing with the slightest orange color, the gentle breeze hitting Leon’s face as he jogged around the park. His tempo never missed a beat not even after an hour or so between his physical training and some pauses. Sweat fell from his forehead and onto the ground with each step he took, meaning that he was reaching exhaustion.

At last, he found solace under a tree that cast a shadow, perfect for Leon to catch his breath. Closing his eyes, he let his lungs inhale as much air as they could.

His peaceful moment was broken when a tiny voice called out for him. Or rather, mistaken him for someone else.

“Dada!” A little girl came walking to where he was seated, wobbly steps trying to reach him. 

“Margaret!” You appeared out of nowhere before the toddler could reach and hug the stranger. The giggling and excited kid seemed to have heard “run faster” by the way she didn’t stop at your call.

A hint of confusion washed over Leon as he watched the scene develop with rather curious eyes. A mop of curly hair running away from your grasp. The white dress turned into a slightly brown color, Leon guessed the child must have been playing in the dirt.

And then a glimpse of a faint smile replaced his previous bewilderment as his eyes fell on you. As you tried catching your daughter, he observed her antics and your patience. 

Finally, your hands lifted the little one as her tiny legs kicked in the air, ready to run in the air. 

You fixed Margaret’s dress and messy hair while her bright eyes continued being focused on the man sitting on the grass. Her hands doing the typical “grabby” motion to Leon. Sighing in defeat, you spoke to the man.

“Sorry, don’t know what happened.” You sheepishly said as you offered the man an apology for your daughter’s previous mischievous actions. “She usually doesn’t call random people dada I assure you.”

“She gave me quite the scare.” Leon chuckled as he got up from the grass. “My past actions flashed before my eyes.” 

“As I said, I’m sorry.” You repeated your words while your daughter tried wriggling her way out of your arms. When she saw that her mother’s grip wasn’t budging, she took matters into her own hands.

She started crying.

You weren’t letting your daughter play with a stranger, that much you knew. 

“My name’s Leon, by the way.” Leon said, extending his arm, but he pulled back as soon as he saw that you were too busy handling the tantrum your daughter was having. 

You told Leon your name which easily fell from his lips to confirm he heard you well. “Do you normally come here?” You asked.

“Yes, but just in the mornings.” He responded, watching the little one pouting. “Something came out today so duty called. Cops don’t rest.”

“Wait, Are you a cop?” You seemed to relax at the revelation and he couldn’t help but get a Deja Vu from this little interaction. A friend of his asked him the same question, but at least now he wasn’t surrounded by zombies.

“A cop…” A whisper came out from Leon’s lips, a playful yet gentle smile formed on his face. “Kinda.”

“I’ll assume you’re way more important than that.” You adjusted Margaret in your arms when she finally calmed. Although she kept on staring at Leon, her bright eyes focused on him. “Because if you were indeed a cop or a chief you’d be puffing your chest out.”

“Are they always like that?” He acted surprised.

“Here, in New York? I don’t know… you tell me.”

It’s been a while since he last spoke with someone this freely. Surely he has talked with his friends a lot. But they were people he had previously known and shared the same past as him, a connection to the outside world seemed impossible and even greedy in a way.

Soon, both of you found yourselves unable to stop talking, even Margaret chirped from time to time, making her opinion loud and clear. He got to know a bit about you, and you got to know little fragments of his life. The ones who wouldn’t lead him to share more than necessary, obviously.

Despite the rough exterior, his constant frowning stopped as a soft expression replaced it. Margaret's chubby hands absentmindedly held one of Leon’s fingers as he spoke with you, blabbering and being overjoyed by his presence. 

However, her cheerful mood slowly turned sour as soon as she got hungry. Glassy eyes and sobs warned you that the conversation would come to an end.

“Yup, I gotta go.” You murmured trying not to bring more stress to your already distressed baby. “It was nice talking to you.”

“Likewise.” Leon kept his hands in his pockets, unable to come up with anything else. He wanted to say that perhaps they could repeat this. But then again, he’s been so deprived of normal social interactions that he no longer knows if that would sound creepy. 

“Have a good night.” He decided it would be the wisest thing to do. He watched your soft expression as you took your little girl’s hand and waved goodbye. 

Ever since that little interaction, his schedule changed. His morning routine was long forgotten. An excuse was made, something between the lines that his shift changed so he has to work in the mornings. 

And he was delighted to spend time with both of you. The highlights of his whole day would be getting to hear about you and Margaret. 

Each day that passed meant new memories being made. From the way he got to know Margaret’s favorite ice cream flavor to your childhood dreams. Every detail mattered for him because he could now see how simple life could be.

He took—both of you mostly— on little dates. Let it be to try a new cafeteria near the park, drinking an americano while Margaret drank from her sippy cut which was filled with chocolate milk. 

However, there were times in which Margaret would stay with a friend of yours. Allowing you to be alone with Leon. And while he appreciates the joy and happiness your daughter brought, he also loved the moments in which he could focus just on you. 

Sadly, years of training didn’t prepare him to man up and make the first move. When he thought he would brush away every insecurity and second guesses, something would come up. 

He wanted to grab your hand, the waiter would come at the worst time. He wants to compliment you, he'd almost choke with his own saliva. He wanted to give you a goodbye kiss after driving you home, someone would call him.

It was as if the universe was against him.

Thankfully, you had picked up those hints. And if Leon wasn't the luckiest man out there, you can help him in his predicament.

On a usual afternoon, as Margaret played with the leaves that had fallen from the trees, you shot him a question.

“Would you like to have dinner with me?”

“Huh? Yes, it sounds nice.” Leon absentmindedly replied, thinking it would be like the rest of your dates.

“I mean… In my house. I don't think I've invited you yet.”

In the meantime, Margaret had grabbed some leaves which she placed on Leon's hair. The man didn't even react to it, already used to her antics.

“I wouldn't like to intrude.”

“You wouldn't. See it as a friendly meeting.”

Friendly meeting, of course. He couldn’t be so selfish.

“If you insist.” He says as the little one giggles, her smile just showing two teeth. “When would it be?”

“Are you free this 14th?” 

He nods, he doesn't even remember if he's in fact free. But he'd make time. 

Besides, who works on Valentine’s Day?

     ⊹˚₊‧───────────────‧₊˚⊹

He wishes he would've realized about the implications of the day sooner.

The other dates have been nothing but platonic. Of course he had been nervous, biting his nails to the point where had to put on clear nail polish. 

But this one is for Valentine's Day. Day where people confess their love in dramatic ways. Some lucky people even propose on this date. 

Leon has been out of the dating game for years. He believes he'll mess it up somehow, especially as he sees the reflection of himself in the mirror. 

Of course, he knows he's getting better. But his appearance tells everyone otherwise. His hair continues being dark, a big contrast from his past self whose blond hair would be the talk of some people.

The palm of his hand brushes over his stubble cheek. The sensation of those tiny hairs is similar to blades. He looks at his watch, there is no time to shave. The last thing he wanted was to be late on his first date.

He sighs and walks toward the table, on top of it are two bouquets. One has multiple red and pink roses, that one is for you. The other one consists of a single white rose, for Margaret. Even if he has forgotten the basics of dating, he wouldn’t go empty-handed to your home.

The drive to your house isn’t an easy one. Not because he lacked driving skills, he is pretty much proud of how well he could drive when he is not facing life-or-death situations. 

He takes his car, just for today. He knows he has to be himself and show you his love for bikes. But he would be lying if he wasn’t a tad scared about coming to your house driving his usual motorbike. What would you think? Surely you’d dump him for risking his life or something like that.

But he is so damned anxious. He turns on the radio, trying to muffle his thoughts but the first thing that comes up is a Valentine's Day advertisement. ‘Don’t mess up your date today! Try our newest product and—’ He’s trying, he doesn’t know what the ad is talking about but he needs no product for this date to be a success.

He turns off the stupid machine. After all, today’s music sucks. Nothing personal, he just doesn’t like it. He’d prefer if the radio played real music. Some Deftones and Korn would do. 

But right now he’d dance to anything. Valentine’s Day, after all, should be a romantic getaway from the normalcy of life. Even though years had made him a corny individual, if it’s with you, romanticism should never die.

He’s rambling, his head is a mess. He sees himself slow dancing with you, Somethin’ Stupid playing in the background. He foresees a future in which he could paint next to your daughter, suns and trees never looked so pretty as he imagines that scenario. 

Dating you would come with the whole pack, he knows well. But even at his age, he still feels like a broken child whenever he sees himself in the mirror. Memories of his innocence being stripped away of him and his present still clinging on to the faint threads of hope. 

So that’s why he made the promise of taking this relationship seriously. No matter if you end up being nothing more than friends. People often say that you just know when you meet the one. And he saw the beacons of lights announcing the whole sun when he met you and your little one.

Eventually, he reaches your home. Double-checking the address you had previously sent him over text, he confirms this is the place you live in. A modest house, enough for you and Margaret. 

He switches off the engine and takes out the key from the ignition. Placing his hands one last time on the steering wheel, he takes a deep breath, mentally preparing himself. And with a newfound conviction, he grabs the two bouquets and gets out of the car.

When he walks towards the door, he immediately knocks. If he dared to wait just a second just to calm his anxiety, he’d spend at least 5 minutes staring at the wooden material. So, he sacrifices that priceless time in order to face reality.

A ‘coming’ is heard by Leon a few seconds after he knocks. Eventually, the front door opens and you welcome him with Margaret in your arms. “Hey.” You greet him, Margaret doing the same as she waves her hand.

“Hey, you two.” Leon says with a warm smile, trying to hold back the fact that there hasn’t been a better image than this. “I couldn’t come empty-handed to your house so I took the liberty to bring you these.”

Leon then hands you the bouquets he had brought—the bigger one for you, and the smaller one with a single rose for Margaret. 

“Are these for me?” A dumb question, of course. But there’s no harm to ask and surely it would get a nice reply from Leon who has been dancing around the idea of flirting with you. Too scared to come off as awkward and silly.

“I don’t see another pretty woman around here.” It slips so smoothly out of his lips. Leon Kennedy, you still got it, he mentally praises himself. 

“Yeah, right.” You roll your eyes, satisfied with the answer you received. “Please, come in.”

Leon nods and enters your house. The living room was nicely organized, and the way some toys blended in with the decoration brought a smile to his face. The perfect balance between the sober expected room with the colorful and childish playthings.

You set Margaret on the floor not before giving her the rose Leon gifted her. She absentmindedly walks toward the couch and sits down to inspect what an amazing thing the funny man brought.

“Well, looks like she likes them.” Leon hums as he watches how Margaret starts happily tearing the flower into tiny pieces. Her antics filling Leon’s heart, he could get used to this feeling.

He wants to.

“Yup, definitely.” And your eyes meet Leon’s, his piercing blue eyes are not cold as he often thinks. They remind you of the beach sea, of the gentle waves and the gentleness they carry. 

And he sees himself in yours. In your eyes, he isn’t a cold and depressed agent who is fighting off the odds. He admires the man he’s becoming. The man who despite everything he has experienced, wants to do better.

“I haven’t told you yet but…” Leon trails off as he gathers the courage to do this simple yet nerve-wracking action. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

He grabs your hand and brings it to his lips. Without breaking eye contact, he kisses your knuckles. A gentleman through and through. If he could win your heart, he’d do anything to protect both of you.

Although he was lying, even if he weren’t to win you over, you have already gained a friend who would literally save the world for you to live in with your most beautiful miracle. 

“You’re sappy.” You shake your head laughing, but you don’t push Leon away. In a way, your teasing comes off as a thank you. 

“And you break my heart.” He chuckles, letting go of your hand which falls to your side.

As it does, your eyes fall on Margaret. While she continues playing with torn pieces of the flower, you see her head swaying slowly from side to side, as if fighting off sleep. 

“It’s nap time for little Margaret.” You break the silence as you walk toward Margaret whose tiny fingers still try to tear up the already destroyed rose. 

You pick up Margaret and with the way she isn't getting fuzzy, your assumption was correct. She is fighting against Morpheus, sadly losing.

You glance at Leon who is standing in the same place you left him. Admiring the scene of you carrying your daughter. 

“Would you like to help me?” You murmur. 

Of course he does, he wants nothing more but to embark on this new life. He has seen so much horror and for once, he wants to indulge in this domestic dream of his.

“If you let me.”

Humble, timid, and definitely not showing how enthusiastic he was about helping you. 

You nod and guide him upstairs. Margaret’s room was just next to yours, even though you prefer to sleep with her, still too nervous about her getting tangled in her own blankets.

As both of you reach the room, shades of pink and white greet Leon. Some toys are scattered around the floor too. Proof of Margaret’s wholesome behavior. 

Margaret shifts in your arms, her previous peaceful demeanor changing given the frustration of not falling asleep yet. She is pretty much easy to handle when nap time comes, but today is one of those days.

“You told me I could help.” Leon's hushed voice reaches you. His eyes express the need to assist you in a task like this. 

“Sure…” Your heart flutters as Leon steps up to help you. You indeed asked him if he wanted to come with you. But the fact he had so eagerly accepted the role made you appreciate him even more.

If that was even possible.

As Margaret starts letting out soft cries, you hand her to Leon who is quick to catch her. At first, Margaret is held rather awkwardly which brings a smile to your face before her cries get really serious.

You help Leon by moving his hand. That gains a quiet ‘ok ok’ meaning that he got the hang of it. 

He positions Margaret on his chest, her face seeking the crook of his neck as she continues letting out tiny sobs. With his hand supporting his back, he rocks her.

If anyone were to see him, they'd think he's a father holding his daughter. But in his mind, he's holding your world, his world. 

Oblivious to it, Leon started humming a song. He doesn’t know where he had heard it before. Maybe it came from his mother, a memory he thought was deeply buried in his mind.

Eventually, your baby falls asleep which definitely boosts Leon’s mood as she grins. He's built for this! He thinks.

He lays Margaret in her crib. The little one breathes slowly as she drifts off to dreamland.

Both of you slowly and quietly walk out of the room making sure not to make any loud noise and wake the sleeping princess. 

As you slowly descend from the stairs and are once again in the living room, Leon’s mind is filled with expectations.

What's next?

What is he supposed to do now? 

As if on cue, your words break the silence.

“I forgot to order the food.” You sheepishly admit as you nervously laugh. Between cleaning the house before Leon came and taking care of a toddler the fact that a dinner without food wouldn't be a dinner slipped out of your mind.

“I'll do it right now just give me a second to search for this one restau—”

“Hey, it's okay.” Leon reaches for your arm before you can walk toward where the phone is. He takes this opportunity to do all the things he has wanted to do with you. To accomplish each one of those silly yet endearing wishes of his.

“Besides… this is a great excuse for us to bond more.”

He lets go of your arm but instead, his hand takes out his cellphone. Your eyes curiously watch as he types something.

For a moment, Leon doesn't utter a word and you can see how his fingers are slightly shaking.

Leon looks up from the phone and gives you a gentle smile before he sets the phone aside. After a couple of seconds, the slow and wistful chords of a piano announce the beginning of a song.

“May I have this dance?” Leon extends his hand toward you. 

You opt to accept his hand. In the back of your mind, you wanted to tease him one more time. Just like you did when he told you happy Valentine’s. But you feel this is way more important than those simple words.

As your hand locks with his, he pulls you closer to his body. His free arm finds its home in your lower back, not too low to keep it PG and not to discomfort you in this intimate dance.

Letting him guide you, you sway from side to side. His past self wouldn't have imagined that he could reach this level of serenity and tranquility. The simple thought of having a family was like a faraway dream.

Your head rests comfortably on Leon's shoulder, the scent of his cologne being your new favorite aroma. The one that brings you memories from the time you met him to all the dates you had that led to this very moment.

The song continues its course, and the outside world is forgotten for a moment. No words are exchanged as both of you drown in the homely feeling of dancing in each other's arms.

After a while, without lifting his head and allowing his lips to ever so slightly graze against your ears, Leon's voice cut through the peaceful melody.

“Let me in.” He whispers, his hands ever so slightly tightening around your middle section. His words brush against your ear like the soft melody that plays in the background. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Let me in, in your life. I don’t want to ask you to just be your partner.” The weight and truth of his statement turn your head in a messy place. “I want to be part of your life and Margaret’s.”

He wants to stick around, he wants to be greeted by you and Margaret each time he comes back from a mission. He wants to give Margaret the childhood he never had. And, he wants to fulfill every little dream you and he may have. 

“I want to wake up next to you each morning. To Margaret telling us she's hungry in her own way.” He's always been a man of few words, but in this moment he could recite the whole bible if he wanted. 

“I want to put Margaret to sleep every day just like I did today. And I want to sleep next to you every night, knowing that you're safe.”

“I don't want you to be a memory.” His lips move to the side of your face, daring to kiss your cheeks in a sweet manner. “I want you to be my whole life.”

Smoothly and with ease, his words fall from his lips while his tempo never falters. His thumb now softly rubs your skin, where his hand is located to support your back in the dance.

He'd want to take pride and tell you he's that good with words. However, many times he has rehearsed this speech that if he had stumbled on his words he'd have let the earth swallow him.

And as the song came to an end, so did Leon’s confession. 

A few seconds of silence create the worst nightmare in Leon's imagination. He could already hear your words telling him you don't feel the same that you're already in love with someone else or—

Your knuckles caress Leon’s face, feeling the growing stubble on his cheek and jaw. The sensation of being touched like this has been a long-distance memory that he's completely forgotten what being loved felt like.

He now feels both of your hands cupping his face, prompting him to look you in the eyes. His blue eyes lock with yours and admire the softest of expressions drawn on your face.

As he gazes into you, he can only think how in love he is. And what a good life awaits for him.

And what feels like both an eternity and a split second, your lips connect with his in a tender yet meaningful kiss. One that he's been expecting after all this time.

The one is indeed not a myth.

AUTHOR'S NOTE 2: I had so much fun writing this. There's something about found family that makes me all soft and sappy lmao. And sorry if my despiction about cops is wrong... I've never set foot in the US so spare your writer the embarrassment. Anyway, I hope you all have a beautiful day! No matter if you spend it with your lover, friends or alone. (Dividers are from: @/cafekitsune)

💬 SHADESOFLSK: Comments, reblogs and likes are very much appreciated.

[turtlesandfrogs]

So, someone asked:

And truthfully, I have so much advice that it needs to be it's own post.

First off, let's set some background information: I have ADHD. I have really bad ADHD*, and that has an impact on executive functioning and thus the amount of work that can be accomplished during work time. HOWEVER! You do not have to have ADHD for this advice to be relevant for you. Often accommodations for one group end up working well for others, so just, like, keep that in mind, ok?

On ward!

Step 1: Have you met your mammalian needs? That is, have you had food (type of food matters, make sure you get some good protein, fats, carbs, and vegetables in you. You will not last long on coffee and a bag of candy), water, physical exercise, and ample sleep**? We are animals. We have to have these needs met, or we will not be functioning well. This is the ground work, the foundation of the ability to Do Stuff.

Addendum for those with executive functioning disorders (ADHD, ASD, probably others, I'm not an expert in mental disorders!): You need to make space in your life, EVERY DAY for things you enjoy. Do not limit them to "rewards" for after the task is done- you need things to be happy about in order maintain your mental well-being. Without happy-making things, you get depressed (well, a lot of us are co-morbid and need to keep an eye on that any way), and when you're depressed, you will not be functioning well. Depression literally robs you of energy. Doing things that make you happy is just as foundational as eating, drinking, and sleeping. Time with friends and loved ones, time with hyperfixations and special interests, hobbies, etc. You NEED them. They are prerequisite, not reward!

Step 2. Do physical activities daily. The more physical activity you do, the more you'll be able to do. Yes, there is a point at which it becomes too much, or a person tries to do too much too soon, but for the majority of modern humans in the US, increasing your physical activity will increase your energy levels and endurance. It also does good things for your brain (increased focus, increased learning ability, increased positive mood, etc). Find some activities that you enjoy- walking around the neighborhood and identifying plants and birds? SCA? Dancing? Stretching? Swimming? Biking? DDR? Pushups? Find something that you enjoy doing and can fit into your daily life. Also try to find things that strengthen muscles, maintain flexibility, and train balance.

Step 3. Reduce Cognitive load- and plan to do it before you start. The less you have to think about while you're working, the better. Thinking takes energy, and when you're working on a thing***, you want your energy to be going to that thing. Some things that may help:

Listening to music

Having a piece of paper where you write down any thoughts of things you need to do that aren't the thing you're doing right now.

Putting your phone on Do Not Disturb

Meditating first, so you can write down all those "AAAA! I need to do that!!!" thoughts on that paper mentioned earlier before you even try to work. I find that every time I try to meditate they all come bubbling up, so it's a great way to get them all written down first so they won't be distracting you while you're trying to work on your chosen task.

Set a timer, so that you're not thinking about how long it's been or if you need to stop and do something else.

Do some prep work before working to make the working easier. Like, are you cleaning out a doom room? Grab the garbage, recycling, and empty containers you need first. Are you writing a paper? Grab your snacks and hot beverages, and references, and have a plan for your break times before you sit down to write.

Step 4. Access what you need/want to do. Make a list. Look at the list. Do any of those things feel overwhelming? You need to address that:

can you break the tasks into smaller tasks?

do some of the tasks need preparatory work? Write that down on your list too

does a task have a hard part that is blocking you from progress? Can you do that first thing while you're at max energy? Can you break down that part into smaller parts? Can you get someone else to do it? Can you do it, and then schedule a break?

Step 5. Keep your 'Why' in mind. Why are you doing it? What is the core motivation, the driving force? Eg, "I'm cleaning my room because I feel better when my space is clear and organized, and it's a gift to my future self". Or maybe, "I'm writing this paper because (this topic interests me) or (because I want to get a good grade in this class and do well in school so that I can get a job that will support me in the future)". Some times it's not obvious at first why exactly you're doing a thing, but if you dig, there's probably a solid reason that is meaningful to you in there somewhere (even if it's just, like, avoiding late fees or something). If not, maybe don't do the thing?

Step 6. Take breaks. Breaks are legally mandated, at a minimum of 10 minutes every 2 hours where I am, but everywhere I've worked (except when I was a teacher) gave people 15 minutes every 2 hours. You know why? Because you get back from break with more energy. You also make less mistakes when you take regular rest breaks. You work more efficiently, and can work for longer if you take restful breaks. Just, like, don't do something that's taxing in the same way as the work you're doing. In other words, if you're writing, don't go read more things, get up and walk around the building instead. If you're doing physical labor, sit your tired bones down and consider looking at things that make you laugh or bring you joy.

Step 7. As you work, acknowledge to yourself your accomplishments, and celebrate them. The harder the thing is (or the harder it was to get started), the more important this is. You're training your brain to associate doing the work you want to do with good feelings. You are not that much more complex than a dog or pigeon. If you are mean to yourself, for example by thinking "dang, that was all? What's wrong with me that it took me 3 weeks/6 months/2 years to get started?" then you are effectively punishing yourself. Even a small tweak like "Dang, that's all? That's way easier than I thought it would be! Go me! I'm so glad that's over and I'm no longer suffering through procrastination!" makes a huge difference. Don't be mean to yourself.

Further suggestions:

8. If you have a hard time starting, use some ADHD strategies:

Tell yourself that you only have to work for 5 minutes (or 10, if that feels very doable), and then you can take a break. Set a timer, and at 5 minutes, check in with yourself. How are you doing? If you're doing good and want to keep going, do a quick stretching break, mentally praise yourself, and then get back to it. If not, stop, take a break and assess what you can do to make it better. Then get back to it.

Count down from 10 and start.

Bribe yourself: When I'm done, I'm going to take a hot bath. When I'm done, I'm going to go for a walk. When I'm done, I'm going to spend $300 dollars on houseplants. When I'm done, I'm going to ask for a hug. When I'm done, I'm going to play 6 hours of that new game. You know, what ever is reasonable and fits the scale of the project.

Get a body double/work buddy. They don't have to help you, they are just there, working on their own thing. For some reason this helps a lot of people.

Think about how much future-you will appreciate present-you for doing this task.

Take a second and write about the problem, why it's hard to start. Is there something else even more pressing that you need to take care of first? Have you not met all of your needs? Is there some element that you're avoiding thinking about for some reason? Can you address it?

9. Role play an effective person. Or a person that's good at the thing you want to do. Think of someone, ideally someone you know, who is good at the thing, and pretend you're them. Maybe someone you're slightly jealous of because of their ability to do the thing. What would they do? What would it look like? How would they feel internally while doing it? Just pretend you're them and look at the work through their eyes for a little bit.

10. Do you have sensory issues? Is your body comfortable? Are your clothes clean and nice feeling? Do you need to take a shower (or just wipe relevant bits with a wet washcloth)? Are the lights bright/dim enough? Is the air fresh or does it feel stuffy and stagnant? Are you hungry/sad/thirsty/tired/overwhelmed/etc? Can you address any of those factors?

11. Use usually negative personality traits. I'm not saying this is for everyone, but for some of us, it may be a useful tool when used cautiously. For example, I am a person who has a lot of anger. Obviously I have worked very hard to get better at managing my anger and reducing the sum total of hours I spend angry. HOWEVER, I am so good at cleaning when I'm furious. S,o maybe I pick a thing that I know will make me angry, and I think about it for a while, and then I have a lot more energy to clean the room.

12. Use positive personality traits. I also really enjoy making people happy. So sometimes if it's not enough to motivate me, I think about how happy whatever work will make someone else. That's probably the better, healthier option.

13. Are you trying to do too much? I want you to take an assessment of yourself and your energy and endurance levels. Think of what would use up 100% of your energy and endurance for the day. Got it? Ok, good. Now, don't let yourself go over 80%. At the max. Reduce your task list and responsibilities until you can comfortably get everything done with 60 to 80% of your energy and endurance. Why? Because if you're running at 100% all of the time, what happens when you can't? Because if you're running at 100% all the time, you will burn out. Because if you're running at 100% all of the time, if a small disaster happens, so much will collapse because you won't be able to do it all.

Because you're a human, and you deserve leisure time and rest and relaxation. Because you're a human, and you NEED leisure time and rest and relaxation.

14. Being mean, harsh, disapproving, and demanding of yourself is counter productive and WILL NOT work in the long term. Being kind, creating chances for you to learn new things, being grateful to your past-self, and giving yourself the things you need to be happy and healthy will.

* enough that the physiatrist commented on it, but I was home schooled until I went to college, and thus had no idea what ADHD was or that I had it until year two of my masters degree in teaching. I didn't get formally diagnosed until 29.

**ample sleep, here defined as allotting enough time to sleep that you wake up before your alarm clock on a regular basis. Not like, once a week you sleep in for however many hours in an attempt to make up for the rest of the week. No, I mean allotting enough time EVERY NIGHT that you wake up before your alarm 90% of the time. It doesn't count if you're waking up because of anxiety or pain. I would hope that you're addressing those as much as you possibly can.

*** please nobody think that when I say "working" that I mean jobs/working for other people. When I say "working" I mean literally any activity that you don't find yourself doing automatically and without thought. I love plants- taking care of them is still work. I love food- making it is still work. I love sharing information- compiling it in a format that is intelligible to others is still work.

[undreaming-fanfiction]

Written for @steddieangstyaugust, day 10 - "Where were you?"

Steve's breath is catching in his chest. He can't get enough oxygen. His whole body is screaming at him to stop, to give himself a break, but he can't.

Not until he sees Eddie.

He barges in the hospital room and half-collapses against the metal frame of the bed. He thinks there's someone else with him, possibly Dustin and Wayne, but he can't be sure. His head is pounding, and the rhytm it follows is Eddie. Eddie. Eddie.

The call was short, but it rang all the alarm bells in Steve's head. He ran to the hospital all the way, his sides are burning, but it's fine. It's his body's job to get him to Eddie, and it did that. But now that he's here, he can't focus, he can't make his eyes see what's in front of him. Failure. What a failure.

"Steve. Hey, Steve. Come on, sit down and breathe."

He knows those hands. It's Wayne, his rough palms leading Steve so gently to the chair. No wonder Eddie is so caring, so full of love for others. He takes after him, his real father. No matter what his birth certificate says.

Steve's breathing finally slows down, the blurriness in his vision finally clears. He blinks away the tears - when did he cry? - and finally looks at the bed.

He looks so pale under all the bandages, the bruises and cuts. They couldn't even get all the blood from his hair, they just soaked it in water and hoped it would stay clear of the nasty wound on his forehead. It might need stitches. Does it have stitches? 

But most of all, he looks so small. Eddie is always larger than life, he takes all the space he can, because he's been denied it for so long. He spreads his arms, gestures wildly, laughs as loud as he can. He's always challenging the world. "I'm here," he says, "and I'm taking everything I deserve and then some. I'm here to stay, so you'd better get used to it."

The frail body in the hospital bed doesn't look like him. It has the right hair, the small scar on his thumb from when he cut himself trying to open a beer bottle with a small pocket knife, but it doesn't have what makes Eddie himself.

"What…what happened?" he finally rasps out and turns to Wayne. He looks so old, so tired.

"Some punks followed Eddie home from the bar," he says slowly. "They…heard the rumors. Decided they'd make him pay for serving them unclean queer drinks or some bullshit like that." He keeps his voice admirably calm, but Steve sees the white of his knuckles, the stern lines around his mouth. "Someone disturbed them, but…not soon enough. They ran and Eddie…"

Eddie stayed in that alley for over two hours before someone called for help.

He falls silent, and Steve understands. There is nothing more to say.

Only then does Dustin speak up. He refuses to even look at Steve, he is just grasping the bedframe, clenching his fingers over the peeling white paint. "He was right under your window. He was almost home. You would have heard him, if you were home."

He finally turns around and Steve recognizes that look. It's the same blend of pain and accusation from 1986, when Steve lived and Eddie almost didn't. And he asks the question that stabs Steve right in his racing heart.

"Where were you?"

Steve wants to answer truthfully, he wants to reject the accusation, defend himself, but he can't. Because he would have normally been home. He would have accompanied Eddie from his shift, but not this morning. He was busy this morning, he told Eddie. Robin needed something or the other, and they'd see each other soon anyway, maybe early lunch? The last two things that Steve gave Eddie? A rushed kiss and a lie.

Because Robin didn't need anything. It was him who needed her, it was him who dragged her through a bunch of shops, asking for advice, planning a glorious future while Eddie was unconscious in that alley.

Steve just shakes his head and takes Eddie's hand in his, holding it like the most fragile treasure of all. Once again, like in 1986, he prays, offers the distant god a chance to make things right for once.

And if- no! When! When Eddie gets better, when he wakes up, only then will Steve worry if Eddie likes the engagement ring he bought him this morning.

[neil-gaiman]

Hello Mr. Gaiman, hope you're doing well.

I've recently lost a very good friend, and I didn't have anyone to talk to about it(my other friends and family would be overreacting to the fact that they ended their life and I'm mentally tired to be able to make them sure that I'll be fine and that I'm just sad, so I'm so sorry if this bothers you in any way) so I thought I'd tell you something and ask a question.

First I wanted you to know that reading/watching Good Omens and reading The Sandman (considering my very low speed and lack of concentration in doing those things because of my disturbed mental health) helped me a lot in the hard time I'm in, and that they've become my friends, somehow. So thank you for everything you gave us in all these years.

Then I'd be pleased if you could answer an ask, even in a short way. I'm stuck, like I said, I can't read like I did, I can't write anymore, I can't do anything properly after my friends loss, and it's been bothering me especially because those were the things that gave me comfort and now they're all gone and I'm unable to reach out to them, so do you have any advice for me? On how I can get back to my normal life?

Thank you.

Love and best wishes.

Time will help, and Time will heal.

In the meantime, be kind to yourself and do what you can. Don't reproach yourself for the things you can't do right now. Acknowledge and, if you are able, enjoy the things you can do.

[rainstts]

F. A: Birthday Wish.ᐟ

random moments of your life being Toji's wife and Megumi's stepmother

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

✰ pairing. Toji Fushiguro x wife!reader

✰ content. MDNI, fem!reader, crack, fluff, reader and Toji already have a 5yo girl (Fuyumi), found family, pregnancy, birthday sėx, pụssydrunk AND making love!Toji (partially), breëding plus pregnancy kınk, creämpıe, praising, talking through it, unprotected, pet names, dırty tālk

✰ word count. 4.9k

✰ A/N. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR GORGEOUS BIG BOY!! And happy new year, sweeties <33

The trip to Kamakura was scheduled months ago, when Satoru offered his house to host the New Year’s party, and, with that in mind, you were able to organize everything you’d need for Toji’s birthday party too. Decorations, cake, candies and salty food, just how he liked. And when the day came, Megumi worked as your partner in that sweet crime, going in Nanami’s car with Nobara and Yuji so Toji wouldn’t see the decorations to be done. 

Only when your stepson confirmed that everything was in its right place and decorated, you stopped holding up and finally handed Toji the last suitcase so you could go. Hiding your anxiety on the road wasn’t easy, nothing passed unseen by his eyes. But, luckily for you, he was distracted this time. 

He was… Jealous?

“I’ll never understand what they see in him. Seriously! Even Yuji was there.”

Ah, yes. Another day, another complaint about how Megumi liked his teacher and family’s friend, Nanami. He was nothing different from Gojo in terms of friendship with the two of you, and yet…

“He’s polite, was always close and helpful with the kids…”

“I see, I see. Praising another man in front of your husband.”

“Toji!” You argued, seeing him rolling his eyes. “Your son can make his own choices. Maybe he just wanted to go earlier to spend more time with his friends.”

“And not with his father? Today is m-” Toji stopped himself, pressing his lips in a line and focusing on the road again. But he noticed your curious gaze, making him sigh softly. “I’m not getting younger, and he’s already fifteen! Three more years and he’ll be leaving for university, with no time for us.”

“He’ll always have time for you.”

“No he won’t. I know how teenagers are.”

“You are hard-headed, just like one.” Your reply made him huff low, hands tightening the grip around the steering wheel. “He loves you, honey. He listens to you, he looks for your advices and guidance. You have no idea how much effort he puts on himself to make you proud.”

With your head turned to him, your eyes captured how your words affected the man. His gaze softened upon the road, his hands relaxed, knuckles turning back to his skin tone, not so white anymore. His right hand moved to your thigh, feeling the fabric of your dress under his digits. With a long breath, he calmed down, and looked at you once he stopped by a red light. 

“We’re lucky to have you. And her.” He motioned to Fuyumi, your younger daughter sleeping on the backseat, and moved closer to give you a quick kiss. You smiled when you felt the scar brushing on your skin softly. 

“It’s mutual.”

Your smile made his shoulders visibly relax, and he moved his attention back to the road after a quick look down at the GPS. The car was yours, and you had the license for years now, but you still loved relaxing beside him, enjoying your passenger princess privileges while looking at his arms when he drove the SUV. 

“Just don’t make me smile to that stupid blon-”

“Toji, be nice. His wife is pregnant.”

Your reply made him click his tongue, controlling himself to not roll his eyes. Again.

“That’s why the kids are with him?”

“I don’t know, but behaving is for free.”

“Not if I pay with my patience.” He sighed, taking the road to the coast, almost getting to the house. “You know…” He started talking again, clearly having some disturbed ideas. “The kids love you. Kugisake always compliments how beautiful you are.”

“Spit it out.”

“We could…” He smiled, not finishing his statement, but you could read right through his eyes.

“I’m not getting pregnant just for you to be the “favorite uncle” again.”

“Come on! It’s not a big deal!”

“Toji! It’s a baby!”

“And? We have Fuyumi, I have experience. Sometimes I even miss how I used to hold Megumi by the neck of his shirt.”

“Oh, for God’s sake!”

“He liked it! That choked laughter was awesome.” He smiled, clearly remembering times in between his grief and the moment he met you. “Come on, think about it, uh? I know the test was negative, but we can always try again. And again. And again…”

“You’re lucky she’s sleeping.” You slapped his arm, making him stop teasing about it, while you looked at the five-year-old girl still deep asleep. 

“Think about it, please? I don’t wanna be the one dragging Shiro and Kuro everywhere while my son is with him.”

“I won’t think about anything.” Rolling your eyes, you looked away, holding your tongue to not tell the truth right then and there. 

The familiar house came into view, the sight of the beach was still heavenly and beautiful, even mid-winter. Toji parked beside Gojo’s car, leaving his seat to open the door for you, and let you wake Fuyumi while taking the dogs out by the other side. 

“Now smile and behave, we can talk about your pregnancy later.” He stated, simply as that.

“What? Toji!”

The front door was opened by Gojo, making you stop talking and walk towards the man after seeing your husband’s cynical smile, the one that never failed in teasing you to the limit. The dogs ran inside after hearing Megumi’s voice, and Fuyumi was right behind. Gojo greeted you and Toji, with him leaving the suitcases by the entrance hall, and letting the white haired sorcerer guide you both inside, towards the living room. 

The curtains were down, the room was silent and dark by the moment you came with him. Until Megumi turned the lights on. 

“Surprise!” 

Toji’s hand tightened the grip on your waist when he heard the voices in unison. He ran his gaze around the room, decorated with balloons in metallic blue and silver, a large table with the cake and sweet treats, and another side with salty food for lunch. The guests had party hats matching the colors, and Gojo handed one to you, which you quickly put on his head, ignoring his stare.

“How did you do that?” He asked, a small smile creeping up at the corner of his lips.

“I’ve had help.” You shrugged, taking the lighter with Shoko and pushing Toji closer to the table. 

His eyes immediately landed on Megumi, knowing the son had a part in it, and the boy just shrugged, just like you, standing by his left when everyone started singing “happy birthday”. Your smile was sincere, and your eyes never left Toji, while his eyes never left the candles, the cake, and every other small detail organized by you. Every new thing that was made just for him.

By the end of the song, more clapping was heard, and you felt the dark-haired man pull you into a kiss, firm and quick, respecting the others around. And, in a sweet and fast movement, he pulled Megumi into a hug, ruffling his hair when he moved away, making the boy laugh. 

“Me too, papa!” Fuyumi yelled, making the others laugh.

Toji then took her on his arm, kissing her cheek and leaning to blow the candle with her help. Closing his eyes and staying silent for a few seconds, it was clear when Toji made a wish, only leaving you curious about what it was.

Even though you felt like you could guess easily.

“Now I understand the whispers around the house.” He commented, eyes narrowed. 

“You didn’t even question it.” Megumi replied in a quiet tone, noticing his father laughing.

After taking a family picture, Satoru, who had been insisting on a speech, quickly started recording when Toji finally seemed to accept. Your gaze let him know that it needed to be a special moment, and he understood.

“Meg,” He called, making the boy raise his head in curiosity. “I’m not used to showing how grateful I am for you being a special and incredible son, the blessing your mother left for me. You overcome the expectations I shouldn’t have, and I’m proud of you, son. Thank you for the surprise.”

Megumi nodded, clearly emotional but covering up with a small smile. But Toji knew. He always knew. Satisfied, he turned to you, his next victim.

“My love… Thank you, for everything, I feel like I’ll never be able to form enough thoughts in this messy head of mine to tell you how much I love you, how you saved me, my girl. And how I’m happy for this precious little gift you gave me.” 

As Toji hugged Fuyumi, she giggled happily, and you felt tears running down with no control while you took in his words, the turmoil of both surprises you kept from him now taking its toll. But definitely a good one. 

The moment ended with a family hug, and Yuji and Nobara helped you to serve the cake as the others gathered around the table to get their lunch. Everyone enjoyed the afternoon with conversations about the expectations for the New Year, engaging topics about family, the kids’ improvements and travels. 

Close to the sunset, the kids decided to play at the beach, in front of the house, and Megumi insisted on taking his sister to give you and Toji free time, with the only advice of “behaving”. It made you laugh, of course, but your husband only shot you a smirk, murmuring a song while you led the way to the guest room you were staying in. 

“How did you find out?” Toji asked when you both stepped into the room, closing the door with a soft click when locked.

“Naobito.” 

Your answer was enough to make him remember the day you gave Maki a ride home. Toji hummed, sitting on the bed and taking his hoodie off, trying to gain courage to take a shower. You walked towards the man, placing your hands on his shoulders and massaging his muscles. 

He breathed out with the touch, a small smile could be seen on his lips before he leaned his head on your abdomen. His left hand moved up from the side of your leg to your stomach, caressing there with his thumb. It wasn’t as flat as it used to be, and he knew it. He had noticed before, and had that sweet feeling in his chest.

“How far along are you?” He asked, voice low, but slowly looked up to meet your eyes. 

“What?”

“Don’t play dumb, mama.” He smirked, both thumbs caressing your warm skin under your belly button. “You can hide the party plans from me, but not your body.”

Staring down into his eyes, you could see his proud smile, hands keeping you in place while his slender thumbs moved around your lower abdomen, silently appreciating the job he had done as his dark eyes caught every little reaction of yours. Your expression and eyes letting clear he had caught you red-handed. 

“I know when my wife is sleeping more, eating more, and throwing up.” He pointed out every little thing he had noticed. Things he didn’t miss on your first pregnancy, and certainly wouldn’t this time. “Ruined the surprise, didn’t I?”

“Yes!” You replied, slapping his shoulder softly, making him chuckle audibly. “I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.”

The man smiled widely, his eyes shining against the lights as he continued caressing you softly. Almost a strange touch coming from hands that years ago did such a dangerous job. It was at that moment you decided to take the picture off the inner pocket of your jacket. The movement caught Toji’s attention, gaze moving down to your hands, and back up to meet yours as he breathed in to say something. 

But the words died in his throat when he saw the picture in your hand. 

The usual gray, white and black glitched screen of an ultrasound, with two circles on it. The image made him open his mouth, trying to find words when he got the picture on his hand. The first circle showed a mark named “baby A”, the second one, “baby B”. 

“I- You-” Toji stuttered, blinking forcibly.

This was another level of a surprise. 

“Twins?” He asked, almost gasping for air. 

“Twins, love.”

Toji couldn’t hide his happiness even if he wanted to. The urge to just hold you close and tight made him pull you onto his lap, arms around your waist and shoulders, keeping you close as he felt that pure joy fill his mind and heart. As you finally felt the weight of the secret being taken from your shoulders, happy tears stained your face and his shoulders, and he soothed you with a soft caressing on your back, his warm touch moving up and down until you got a grip on your emotions again. 

“I didn’t know you could… We could…”

“Me neither. It was out of luck.” You smiled, caressing his chin with your right hand, the man leaning into your touch with his eyes focused on the picture. “They’re fraternal.”

“What does that mean? Are they okay? Is this a health issue?”

“No, darling. They’re perfect. They’re just non-identical, not sharing the same placenta.”

“And… And you know if there’s a boy or a girl?”

“No, I’m almost exactly three months in, so… It won’t take long for us to find out.”

“Almost three months and you’re already showing?” He asked, the deep chuckle not fooling you. Toji was proud of what he did. 

“I was huge while carrying Yumi. Need to prepare for the worst this time.”

To your words, Toji placed both hands on your stomach, feeling it once again. But the clothes bothered him, making the raven-haired man lift the fabric of your clothes to touch your skin properly. 

“Then it’s my job to make you feel better.”

His hands carefully moved down to your thighs, gripping as much flesh as he could, marking his digits on your skin easily. That heat, so characteristic from whenever he touched you, increased when you felt your lips on yours, a deep warmth spreading from your chest through your body. Toji’s hands moved to your ass, groaning loud as he slapped with one hand and tightened the grip with the other, taking a muffled moan from your lips in between the intense kiss. 

When he moved his hips up, pressing against yours, the two of you moaned. The feeling of his growing erection pulsing against your core. With a low hum of approval, Toji moved just enough to make you ride him slowly, firm hands pressing your body down against his, teasing you with soft and quick pecks. 

“Toji…” You breathed out, feeling his kisses move to your shoulders now. His large hands gripping your ass and thigh, desperate to feel you. Starving. “Love, I-”

“Don’t stop ridin’, doll.”

His words made you breathe out low, trying to control your voice, thinking about what to say back, unsure if he was actually willing to continue. Not that he never fucked you when you were pregnant previously, quite the opposite. But this wasn’t your house, and Toji usually didn’t like whenever you couldn’t vocalize for him. Moan. Scream his name.

But the way he continued to kiss you was confirmation enough, the man grunting as he pushed his hips against you again, looking for some minimal friction as he moved his hands up to your hips to move you against him again, and back down, squeezing your ass with pleasure.

The touch made you moan audibly for him, hearing the hoarse and deep sound escaping from his throat when he kissed your neck, biting your shoulders in response. Toji quickly took your jacket off, tossing it on the floor along with your shirt, taking his time to stare at  your much swollen breasts and the beautiful black lacy set embracing your skin perfectly. 

“Fuck, mama… Is this new?” Toji asked, black eyes stuck on the drawing of the lingerie on your skin, and how it made your curves look more delineated, the details he so much loved on display like a meal. 

“All for you.” Your voice was sweet, barely louder than a whisper when you leaned closer. “Rip it off.”

He pulled you closer, hooking a finger under the middle of your bra, pulling the lacy down with no second thoughts, ripping the fabric off your skin easily, and having the perfect vision of your breasts. Massaging one, Toji quickly moved to take the other on his mouth, his tongue travelling up and down the soft skin, groaning when your body shivered from the contact. 

Your back was arched for him, both hands on his chest, feeling his skin, and your mouth half open, gasping and moaning only for him to hear. Toji’s hands held your waist tight, changing positions carefully, laying you on the queen-sized bed. As he moved down, kissing your abdomen and hips, his hands moved your pants down, taking in the sight of the wet patch barely visible on your panties, his index finger moving to pull the side and make it snap back against your skin. 

Your body jolted from the impact, the skin soon reddening and his smirk widening at the sight. “So delicate, aren’t you, angel?” 

Desperate for more of his touch, you couldn’t reply, and it only made Toji chuckle more, a soft movement pulling your panties to the side. His tense breath hitting your skin, a soft movement of his hands spreading your legs open for him, exposing your wetness. 

He didn’t waste time, pressing his tongue against your pussy and letting out a rough moan when feeling how hot and sweet you were for him, keeping his eyes closed to enjoy it a while longer. 

“Toji!” You cried when he moved just enough to see your face.

The man laughed slightly at your desperation, passing his muscled arms down your thighs and pulling you closer like that, unable to move. 

“Easy, love.” 

It’s a matter of seconds for him to push his index finger into your slick entrance, sliding in easily, making you choke on your words of hurry and a low moan. Toji then started moving his fingers back and forth, curved up like a hook, hitting that sweet spot that made you squirm so easily. 

The movement made your cunt pulse and tighten around his finger, taking a pleasured moan from him, closing his eyes to enjoy how you were always so responsive. “Feels good, doesn’t it, princess?” His voice had a hint of teasing, the smile on his face proved it. 

“Y-Yes. Toji…”

“Y-Yes.” He mocked, thumb moving up to press against your clit. “I’m listening. What do you want?”

“Your mouth.”

There was no time for more stuttering, not with your husband. Toji wanted you, to celebrate with you for what he had done, and anything you asked, he would give. His tongue quickly met your pussy again, savoring you with need, with the desire he had kept in, not minding being rough when liking and sucking your wet folds and your already sensitive clit. 

Your body shuddered entirely with the feeling, his fingers getting more wet as he added another one to fulfill your pleasure, and the sound explicit and wet echoing in the room against the silence, his hand hitting your entrance while he took his sweet time on your spot.

“Mhn- Toj-i! Fuck, don’t stop!”

He didn’t dare. Not this time. Toji kept on sucking your clit with strength, licking your wetness clean as his fingers pushed in and out. You could already feel that pressure on your lower abdomen, flowing down your legs in waves, and back to your pussy in his mouth.

Until the tension on your body imploded, and you relaxed all at once, your orgasm hitting you, leaving you still in bed. Left hand in the middle of his dark hair, and the right pulling the sheets, using the grip to control your voice. Your husband wasn’t akin to share your pretty sounds with the other guests. 

Breathless, you moaned when Toji moved away, taking his fingers off you and sucking them, tasting more of you, addicted.  Only then he took his time taking his pants off, teasing you and giving you a little show, knowing how much you loved every sight of his muscles. And only got better when he got rid of his boxers.

“Keep ‘em open f’me, love.” He said, coming back to bed, right above your body, when you tried to close your legs. 

His hands moving around his aching cock, masturbating in soft motions while watching you under him, possessive, and clearly pleased that you were already showing off now two more of his offsprings. 

The vision of his large body shivering and slightly shaking with pleasure made you breathe out low and touch your thighs, gripping your flesh to control yourself. Toji’s hands met your hips, keeping you still for him again, before he pressed your thighs down, the obscene mating press making him growl.

“We’re going slow, for now.” He spoke up, teasing you while brushing the red tip against your wet cunt. “I’m gonna appreciate my sweet, little wife. Only when you cum around me, I’ll fuck you senseless. Deal?”

“Deal.”

His voice was clouding your mind, barely letting you notice how much he was holding back for your sake, and could only go back to your senses when you felt him moving your chin to face him properly. With his left hand, Toji massaged your clit, increasing the pleasure you felt when he pushed all his girth inside slowly, opening your wet folds around him. Feeling you pulsing, your husband knew you were ready for him, already shaped for his size and his only, he smiled when his tip reached your soft cervix, your sweet moans filling his ears when he pushed out and back inside. 

“That’s s-so good!” 

“Yeah? Your pussy is so warm right now, ‘luv. All tight around m-me.” He had his eyes closed, leaning to whisper in your ear. “Fucking missed this so much!” 

Your hands finding balance on his shoulders when he started his thrusts, the massive size making room for itself in you, his hips moving smoothly back and forth against yours, hitting your spots, pubes rubbing against your sensitive clit over and over and over. 

“T-Toji! Fuck, oh my-” Your voice was melting in your throat while he didn’t stop, body covering yours easily, grunting and moaning too close to your ear. “Y-Yes! Feels so- good!”

“Feels too- damn good for me, too, mama.” He was affected by your words and tightness around his girth, and not stopping meant going faster. Harder. Even if he wanted to keep it easy for you. 

He didn’t want to hurt you, no. Never his sweet, little, pregnant wife, but each thrust felt harder and rougher than the previous one, making you moan louder against his ear, fueling his fire. It was too hard for him when your cunt tightened uncontrollably around his throbbing length.

Looking down, he used the visual stimulation of your pussy swallowing his dick to move more tenderly against you, leveling his need to fuck and make love to you. It made him burn in fever while he drowned in the pleasure taking you both. 

“Ohh-h! To-ji! E-easy, love!” Your hands moved to his shoulders again, leaving red marks on his skin while your body was being flooded by that ecstasy. 

“Keep goin’, mama.” His rough voice continued, soothing you. “That’s right, cum for me again, yes.” 

Your husband kept his harsh and fast thrusts, just how it made you melt, controlling himself while his hips hit your body slowly. In the room, the wetness, moans and breathless whispers were echoing while he continued working through your orgasm, taking more reactions from you. 

“Breathe, doll.” He asked, kissing your forehead while trying to not apply pressure above your stomach. His kisses move down to your neck and breasts again. “That’s it… Can you handle one more?”

“Y-yeah… I think-”

“You can.” Toji cut out, kissing your temples on both sides. “Hold still.”

He moved you in a soft motion, helping you get on fours and placing the pillows under your chest, keeping your hips up for him. A small slap on your ass was all the warning you got before he started pushing himself into you again. Your hot walls taking his size, making the man pulse with his eyes closed, enjoying the feeling. 

Holding your hips tightly to keep you in place, he moved his own, the speed perfect for both of you, stealing moans and gasps. Opening your eyes, you looked at him from over your shoulder, noticing Toji staring down, amazed, his mouth half open, forehead sweaty with his disheveled black hair stuck. 

“No wonder why you hid your pregnancy from me, mama,” He started, not taking his eyes away while didn’t dare to stop pounding hard, hips hitting yours again and again. “If you just wanted me raw in this- fuck! T-Tight cunt, could’ve told me, ya’ know?” 

“T-That’s not-”

“Ha-ah!” Both hands pressed firmly against you, fingers digging against your warm skin. “Don’t lie to your husband, sweet thing.”

Your moan was low, choked, hands holding tight against the mattress and blankets, while you kept your eyes on him and called his name in a low, weak tone. Toji almost couldn’t handle it, too close to his own orgasm to think too hard about it, focused on fucking you like he promised. 

Faster

Harder. 

Pleasantly painful. 

“Toji- Please! It’s too-” You started, but he clicked his tongue, staring at your knitted eyebrows and teary eyes with a wide smirk. 

“Let me hear her, mama.” 

He placed his right knee on the bed, firm hands keeping you right where you were, not allowing your escape. With a pleased groan, he pushed in roughly again, your body jolting with the contact. His focus was on his movements only, bringing pleasure to both of you while hitting your sweet spots inside, heavy balls hitting your clit, reddening your skin. 

You moaned for him, mixing with the sounds of your pussy welcoming his dick. The bed hitting against the wall at each thrust, and his grunts and moans out in the open for you, the swearing escaping from his lips and the twitch of his length inside made you clench, your velvety walls more wet, spasming while cumming, calling his name.

“Fuck, sweet! She’s s-so warm!” He grunted. 

The never ending praises taking soft moans from your overstimulated cunt, the lubrication helping him slide in and out fast and faster. Your broken moans led him to another wave of pleasure, this time shooting his thick, whitish seed inside you.

“Hah! Yes… Always so- damn good f’me.” He breathed out, now moving slowly, edging himself while leaving every drop in.

Your hearts were beating rhythmically, fast, and you could only calm down when he pulled out, both hands on your thighs, keeping them open to watch his seed escaping, thick fingers rubbing your clit and pulling it back inside. 

“Ngh! Toji!” You cried, hips shaking, making him laugh. “Too much already.”

“Only because I don’t want you too tired, ma’.”

The man moved to lay on the bed, carefully pulling you closer, resting your head on his chest and kissing your forehead. Both arms wrapping around you, keeping you close. 

“How do you feel?” Your husband asked, staring back at you, hands moving, rubbing your thigh and shoulder. 

“Tired.” Your voice was quiet, an aching body soothed by his soft touch. “I need a shower.”

“We both do.”

“Don’t move.”

“As if I could.”

Leaving bed, Toji walked towards the bathroom, taking some time there, before he came back to you. Carefully, the tall man wrapped you in his arms, calculated steps guiding you towards the bathroom, a sweet perfume filling the place as he slowly put you in the large bathtub, warm water embracing your body, relaxing your muscles. 

Soon, he joined too, staying right behind you, hugging your torso and bathing you, spreading water over your arms and shoulders and massaging your skin with the liquid soap. That silly smile never left your face. 

“I love this side of you.” Your voice made him look at you, the beginning of a smile in the corner of his mouth, that little scar charming as always. 

“Just being better for my little family.” He shrugged, still washing your body first, knowing you would most likely sit on his lap to pay back. “Now a big family.”

“Yeah… We are now six. Eight, counting Shiro and Kuro.”

“I’m gonna need one of those ugly large cars.” He had a false pained tone in his voice, making you chuckle lightly.

“A minivan.”

“Hell no. Don’t torture me, it’s my birthday.” His response made you laugh, shaking your head at his drama. 

“And you’re already graying…” 

“That’s an illusion. You’re tired.” 

“You are! Look, right here.” You tried to point it out to the side of his hair, the few gray and white strands already being easily seen. 

“Shh, poor thing, you’re exhausted. Go to sleep, mama.”

His attempt in gaslighting made you laugh, moving back to relax your head against his chest yet again, stopping the teasing for now. You would let him have his happiness during his birthday, he certainly deserved it.

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[literaryvein-reblogs]

Your blog is super helpful with advice and research.

Do you have any resources on writing a character with PTSD, specifically from the Vietnam War era? I want to be accurate and respectful.

Thank you so much!

Writing Notes: PTSD

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

in DSM–IV–TR, a disorder that may result when an individual lives through or witnesses an event in which they believe that there is a threat to life or physical integrity and safety and experiences fear, terror, or helplessness.

The symptoms are characterized by:

reexperiencing the trauma in painful recollections, flashbacks, or recurrent dreams or nightmares;

avoidance of activities or places that recall the traumatic event, as well as diminished responsiveness (emotional anesthesia or numbing), with disinterest in significant activities and with feelings of detachment and estrangement from others; and

chronic physiological arousal, leading to such symptoms as an exaggerated startle response, disturbed sleep, difficulty in concentrating or remembering, and guilt about surviving the trauma when others did not.

Subtypes are chronic posttraumatic stress disorder and delayed posttraumatic stress disorder.

When the symptoms do not last longer than 4 weeks, a diagnosis of acute stress disorder is given instead.

Changes in PTSD criteria from DSM–IV–TR to DSM–5 and DSM-5-TR include the following:

Exposure to the traumatic event may be secondhand if the event happens to a loved one or if there is repeated exposure to aversive details (e.g., as with first responders cleaning up after a disaster);

the subjective criterion requiring that the person feel fear, terror, or helplessness has been eliminated;

symptom clusters have been recategorized, with additional symptoms; and

separate criteria have been developed for children age 6 years or younger.

Who Develops PTSD?

Anyone can develop PTSD at any age.

Some factors can increase the chance that someone will have PTSD, many of which are not under that person's control.

For example, having a very intense or long-lasting traumatic event or getting injured during the event can make it more likely that a person will develop PTSD.

PTSD is also more common after certain types of trauma, like combat and sexual assault.

Personal factors—like previous traumatic exposure, age and gender—can affect whether a person will develop PTSD.

What happens after the traumatic event is also important.

Stress can make PTSD more likely, while social support can make it less likely.

What Are the Symptoms of PTSD?

PTSD symptoms usually start soon after the traumatic event, but they may not appear until months or years later.

They also may come and go over many years.

If the symptoms last longer than 4 weeks, cause you great distress, or interfere with your work or home life, you might have PTSD.

There are 4 types of PTSD symptoms.

To be diagnosed with PTSD, you need to have each type.

That said, everyone experiences symptoms in their own way.

Reliving the event (also called re-experiencing symptoms). 

Memories of the traumatic event can come back at any time.

They can feel very real and scary. For example:

You may have nightmares.

You may feel like you are going through the event again. This is called a flashback.

You may see, hear or smell something that causes you to relive the event. This is called a trauma reminder, cue or trigger. News reports, seeing an accident, or hearing fireworks are examples of trauma reminders.

Avoiding things that remind you of the event. 

You may try to avoid situations or people remind you of the trauma event.

You may even avoid talking or thinking about the event. For example:

You may avoid crowds because they feel dangerous.

You may avoid driving if you were in a car accident or if your military convoy was bombed.

If you were in an earthquake, you may avoid watching movies about earthquakes.

You may keep very busy or avoid getting help so you don't have to think or talk about the event.

Having more negative thoughts and feelings than before the event. 

The way you think about yourself and others may become more negative because of the trauma.

For example:

You may feel numb—unable to have positive or loving feelings toward other people—and lose interest in things you used to enjoy.

You may forget about parts of the traumatic event or not be able to talk about them.

You may think the world is completely dangerous, and no one can be trusted.

You may feel guilt or shame about the event, wishing you had done more to keep it from happening.

Feeling on edge or keyed up (also called hyperarousal). 

You may be jittery, or always alert and on the lookout for danger.

You might suddenly become angry or irritable. For example:

You may have a hard time sleeping.

You may find it hard to concentrate.

You may be startled by a loud noise or surprise.

You might act in unhealthy ways, like smoking, abusing drugs or alcohol, or driving aggressively.

What Are the Symptoms of PTSD in Children?

Children may have symptoms like those above or other symptoms.

As children get older, their symptoms are more like those of adults.

Here are some examples of PTSD symptoms in children and teens:

Children under 6 may get upset if their parents are not close by, have trouble sleeping, or act out the trauma in their play.

Children ages 7 to 11 may also act out the trauma through play, drawings or stories. Some have nightmares or become more irritable or aggressive. They may also want to avoid school or have trouble with schoolwork or friends.

Children ages 12 to 18 have symptoms more similar to adults: depression, anxiety, withdrawal, or reckless behavior like substance abuse or running away.

Vietnam War Veterans

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) has a long and complicated history.

During the Civil War it was call DaCostas Syndrome, named for the doctor who published about the troubling symptoms he was seeing in soldiers from both sides of battle. They suffered:

shortness of breath,

rapid pulse, and

fatigue during times of stress, and especially when recalling certain aspects of battle.

Shell shock,

Battle Fatigue, and

Post Vietnam Syndrome were all names given to symptoms of PTSD before it was officially added to the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) as an anxiety disorder in 1980. It has since been changed to a trauma and stressor related disorder.

Military service and PTSD are often linked because of the danger men and women in the armed forces face.

Their ability to show grace and present calm after traumatic experiences in life threatening situations can often be misinterpreted by those around them as being “fine”.  

The reality of war zones often forces them to march forward without the opportunity to process the trauma as other civilians might be able to.

A flash of light, a noise, or unexpected movement can trigger a jarring memory for service members thus causing them to experience PTSD. 

Symptoms can be distressing to daily life and create daily traumatic experiences. 

In the past, the image of the brave soldier made acknowledging, discussing and getting help for PTSD nearly impossible for many veterans. 

Alcohol abuse, addiction, depression, muscoskeleton pain and other illnesses are frequently linked with PTSD and can cause problems in family and work life creating distress for veterans and the people who care most about them.

A major difference during the Vietnam War and previous wars was the homecoming experience.

While their fathers had come home from World War II to ticker-tape parades and national adulation, Vietnam veterans were often told to hide their military service or encouraged to not share it with others.

Many were maligned and mistreated.

This compounded the trauma that they experienced in Southeast Asia. 

Vietnam veterans worked to change the narrative around PTSD. Men like Max Cleland, Lewis Puller Jr., and Hal Moore openly spoke about their struggles adjusting to civilian life.

Do People With PTSD Get Better?

After a traumatic event, it's normal to think, act, and feel differently than usual--but most people start to feel better after a few weeks.

Talk to a doctor or mental health care provider (like a psychiatrist, psychologist, counselor or social worker) if your symptoms:

Last longer than a month

Are very upsetting

Disrupt your daily life

"Getting better" means different things for different people.

There are treatment options for PTSD. For many people, these treatments can get rid of symptoms altogether. Others find they have fewer symptoms or feel that their symptoms are less intense.

Your symptoms don't have to interfere with your everyday activities and relationships.

What Treatments are Available?

Both trauma-focused psychotherapy (sometimes called counseling or talk therapy) and medication are proven to treat PTSD.

Sometimes people combine psychotherapy and medication.

Trauma-focused psychotherapy

A few trauma-focused psychotherapies are the most highly recommended treatments for PTSD.

"Trauma-focused" means that the therapy focuses on the memory of the traumatic event or its meaning.

The 3 most effective types of trauma-focused psychotherapy are:

Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT) where you learn skills to understand how trauma changed your thoughts and feelings. Changing how you think about the trauma can change how you feel.

Prolonged Exposure (PE) where you talk about your trauma repeatedly until memories are no longer upsetting. This will help you get more control over your thoughts and feelings about the trauma. You also go to places or do things that are safe, but that you have been staying away from because they remind you of the trauma.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), which involves focusing on sounds or hand movements while you talk about the trauma. This helps your brain work through the traumatic memories.

Sources: 1 2 3 ⚜ More: Notes ⚜ Character Development (Tips & Notes) ⚜ PDFs

Consider the above notes, and then the following tips & advice to further develop your character:

Writing about Mental Health Conditions

Character Development

Thanks for telling me, I'm glad to hear that! You can find more information in the links. If you can, speaking with a person/s with PTSD would provide valuable insight into your story, as well as doing further research on media portrayals of and by people with PTSD. All the best with your writing!

[magics-neptunes-things]

Feelings (1)

Hi guys :)

So this is a new serie and I wanted to thanks @cathhamel for encouraging me to post it. I don't know how many chapter it will have, it will depends of how much you like it I think.

I really hope you will like it.

Please enjoy ♥

TW : Suggestive.

PART 2 |

______________________________________________________________

As long as you remember, you always have been in love with Alessia. She is a year older than you, but she catches your eyes almost as soon as you met her. She was sweet, full of talents and of course everyone seemed to like her. You liked her too, but it was more love than friendship.

It has been five years, and you never told her anything. Alessia is straight, always talking about her boyfriend at the time or the boy who catch her eyes. You can’t say that she’s a great friend, you never have been very close of her to be honest. You are way more friend with Maya, who you know since your first step together for the Lionesses. Alessia is closer with Ella or Mary, it’s not that you don’t get along. It’s more that you become very shy when it comes to talk to her.

Maya knows about your long-term feelings for Alessia. She sometimes teases you about it, but you seem so desperate about it that she doesn’t do it a lot. You tried to find others girls to help you forget Alessia, but you didn’t succeed. It was even more sad maybe, but that’s the life you choose to live. This gave you a little reputation maybe, but you decide under Leah’s advice not to give a fuck. You do what you have to do, and it will stay that way.

Finding a pretty blonde with blue eyes is even more difficult, because since 2022 you’re playing at Barcelona. Along Lucy and Keira, the Spanish team came for you. You were playing at this time in West Ham and at your age it was a dream coming true. You don’t hesitate to throw your life in England to go to Spain. You didn’t know the language at first, but you learned Spanish and Catalan very quickly. Way more quickly than Keira and even Lucy.

With this team you won a lot of things and with the Lionesses, you won the Euro Cup 2022. You had hope that maybe you can get closer to Alessia with the alcohol and the adrenaline of the victory, but you were wrong.

So now, you are here in Summer camp for the Mondial 2023, in Australia. Sarina had call you to be part of the team, so is Lucy, Keira and of course Alessia. Maya isn’t part of the journey, so is Leah because of her ACL. You were gutted to learn about her injury. Leah always have been like a mentor for you, unlike Lucy who always had the role of the big sister. But you miss Maya in Australia, to be honest.

And you missed her even most, when you learned just before the first game that your girlfriend at the time chose to busy herself during your absence with cheating on you. You weren’t In love with her, but you thought that you can trust her. You were wrong. It was not the breakup who was disturbing for you, but behind betrayed that way. It isn’t something nice, really. You broke up with her, obviously. She asked you for a second chance, which you refuse before blocking her everywhere.

“And she had the nerves to ask you for a second chance?!” Jordan almost shout when Lucy explains to her all the story.

You let her do it, tired of people asking you why you seem so angry and almost sad. You weren’t really sad, but you weren’t really happy too. It was a strange feeling to be honest. You don’t miss your ex-girlfriend, but you are most disappointed to see that another attempt to forget Alessia is failing.

“What a bitch” Mary sighs after Lucy’s nod.

She is at the same table as you this morning, like Lucy, Jordan and surprisingly Ella and Alessia. If Ella seems to be as shocked as the others are, Alessia doesn’t really says anything. But you catch her watching in your direction a lot of time when you look at her too.

You don’t know how Sarina heard about that, but you assured her that you can still play as good as always. So, she lines up for your first game, against South Corea. You scored that day, like Georgia, Alessia and Lauren James. The first win was unbelievable, playing in almost full stadium too. And scoring your first goal in a Mundial was amazing.

Georgia decided to head a little hiding party, inviting everyone who wants to come. You did but spend almost all your time drinking your beer while watching Alessia. She’s so beautiful that you want to cry. You know you will never have her in any way, why can’t you stop those stupid feelings?

You would need to confide in someone, but Maya is probably not reachable now, being in England, so is Leah. You have friends in Barcelona, but they are here too and probably asleep. And Lucy is nowhere to be found, either in her room or on the phone with her own girlfriend. So, you decide to go in your room too, maybe to try to drink something stronger to forget all of this shit.

********

In your room, you sigh, disappointed. Your fridge is empty, probably an ask made by the English Federation. You understand, of course you can’t get hungover right now. How did Georgia find those beer anyway? You lie down on your bed, looking at the ceiling for a long moment before deciding to take a shower.

You slowly take your things and head for the bathroom. You stay a long time under the hot water too, needing time to wash all your feelings of the previous day. When you come out, you have decided to focus on the games and your play, not everything else. You have to.

Sarina, your teammates, your friends and your family are counting on you to have a great result. Your family is still in England for now, in the north of England. They will come after the qualifications, hopping England will pass the qualifications. You want to make your family proud, of course. You left them to play football very young and are used to be far away from them. But you still love them and their opinion are the most important for you.

Only wearing a oversize t-shirt and a shorty, you left your bathroom with your hair wet. You will hate yourself tomorrow, but you decide to sleep like this, not taking the time to dry them.

You were going under the cover when you hear someone knock on your door. Frowning, you go to open it, wondering who can come to you at this time of the night. Maybe Lucy who just hang up with Ona and need to cool off. Things are awful in Spanish Federation and you are happy to be English right now. You open the door, waiting to be faced to Lucy. But you were wrong.

“Alessia?”

The blonde is looking at you, looking like she’s wondering too what she’s doing here.

“Hi” she says with her sweet voice. “Can I come in, please?”

“Uh, sure” you answer with a second late.

You let her in, closing the door slowly behind her. Her perfume is tickling your nose and God. What is she doing here? You turn to her, she is in the middle of your room, playing with her fingers.

“How can I help you?” you ask her, beckoning her to sit down on your bed.

She’s still playing with her fingers and rings when she starts talking, but you leave her fingers with your eyes when she starts talking.

“I learn what happened with your girlfriend” Alessia starts.

“Ex” you mumble, shrugging.

“Yeah. But I just wanted to know that if you need someone to talk about it, you can come to me. I know I’m not Leah or Maya, but if you need someone, it can be me.”

You look at her, surprised. You don’t know what you were waited about her presence in your room, but definitely not that. The gesture touches you, very clearly. But you don’t want to lie to her or that she imagines things.

“I really appreciate it, honestly. But I have to let you know that I wasn’t really in love with her.”

“No?”

You shake your head negatively, then shrug your shoulders. It was weird to explain that the girl you are in love with why you weren’t in love with your ex-girlfriend.

“I trusted her and we had fun together, but I wasn’t in love. The betrayal still hurt, though.”

Alessia nods thoughtfully, biting her lips. And you have to take all your self-control to drag your eyes away from her. You feel like a disgusting teenager sometimes. Maybe when she left you will need another shower. Cold, this time.

“So, do you have someone else in mind?”

This conversation is unreal. Your eyes almost jump on Alessia’s silhouette with that question and you don’t know what to answer. Some seconds passes and you still haven’t answered anything. You gulp and take a breath, but Alessia is finally the first to talk again.

“I see you, you know. Looking at me.”

Ok, this is maybe the moment where you will die. You are mortified. You thought that you were being subtle about it, always looking when Alessia isn’t. You try to be respectful too, not staring at her in the changing room or when she’s not fully clothed. You feel yourself blush, a bright red blush, and you are definitely not ready for the last sentence leaving Alessia’s lips.

“I’m looking at you too”

It’s a whisper, that you probably wouldn’t have heard anywhere but in the silence of your room. You are now looking in her eyes, deep, looking for the truth.

“Alessia, if this is a joke…”

“It’s not!” Alessia takes your hand and comes infinitely close to you. “I swear it’s not.”

Her first answer was almost shout, unlike the second. Her eyes are in yours, her hand squeezing yours and you can think straight anymore. You lean to kiss her and it’s even more everything than you thought it would be. Her lips are sweet, soft and taste like strawberry. Just when you wanted to break the kiss to check that if your action were ok, a whimper left Alessia’s lips, and you just want to hear that sound again and again.

You extend the kiss, not leaving the opportunity when Alessia parts her lips. Your tongue caresses her bottom lip before starting to explore her mouth. You never felt so many feelings to be honest. You almost were shaking.

Wanted to feel her closer, you put your hand on her neck, taking her more against you. When she passes her hand in your now semi-wet hair, you make you fall delicately on the bed. Deciding not to lye on her right now, you lye next to her, on your front while she’s on her back.

When air became an issue, you break the kiss this time. Alessia’s lips were swollen, probably like yours. Her breathing was fast and deep, her chest rising irregularly to the rhythm of her breathing.

Alessia is the one initiating the kiss this time, taking you against her. You let her do it, obviously. This time your chest in on hers and the feeling adding with the kiss is driving you crazy. You manage to keep calm for more kisses, but when her hands are on your back and ass, you try to escape her arms.

“We need to stop” you breath difficulty.

“Why?”

Alessia’s disappointment is hard to miss and it’s flattering. But once again, you chose to be honest with her.

“Because if we don’t stop now, I won’t be able to stop after, Less.”

You saw in her eyes that she understands perfectly what you mean. She bites your lips, from under you and the gesture make enjoyable sensation right in your core. But you have to ignore it.

“What if I want the after?”

You don’t know in what parallel universe you are, honestly. But you need to check that she was being serious and sure of herself. And if she wasn’t drunk too, but you only saw her drink Pepsi tonight.

“I want it, Y/N” is her only answer.

You look at her eyes for several seconds before leaning it again, kissing her on the lips once again. The feeling is intoxicating, honestly. You don’t know it this is a one-time thing or not, but you take your time anyway.

Discovering her is like a dream and you take all the time necessary to remember every part of her. You touch, kiss and stroke every part of her body, trying to remember to what sound she makes at every move. You are kissing her neck, lying between her thighs with her in underwear when she speaks again, whispering softly.

“I’ve never been with a girl before.”

You leave her neck to be able to look at her better, looking at her babyblue eyes. You want her to be comfortable and make this night about her. Not about you fulfilling your fantasies, even if it’s the case right now.

“We still can stop it if you don’t feel right. Just one word and we stop”

She nods, biting her lip once again.

“I don’t want to stop. But I don’t know how to do things.”

She looks shy and you are filled with another feeling than pleasure or wanted. Alessia trusts you and it’s more than everything you ever wanted.

“I will show you” you smile softly.

She smiles back and you return of what you were doing. She seems to relax this time, letting her body fully in your hands. She’s still a little shy at first, but she seems to learn fast. And it’s just amazing.

[brittle-doughie]

What if Y/n Cookie talks to White Lily Cookie based on the stage: A Brave Advice?

A Brave Advice (Reader Insert)

Well at least he isn’t sending a literal kid to talk with her this time.

“Actually, Y/N Cookie’s company might be just what White Lily Cookie needs.”

“Huh? Really? I mean, don’t get me wrong, White Lily Cookie has been very receptive to Y/N Cookie, but is their company really what she needs?”

“I’m sure of it. Y/N Cookie’s great support has helped me and countless other Cookies. Y/N Cookie, I would like to ask you if you could try and talk to White Lily Cookie?”

You took a look over to White Lily Cookie as she stands from a little sliver bridge looking towards the kingdom. A part of you felt like not disturbing her time alone, but…she could deep down really use some company….

You agreed to do it as you head over to her…

You called out to White Lily Cookie, wondering about what’s on her mind….

“Y/N Cookie…Are you not mad at me..? You and your friends broke the Moonstone to save me..and yet, it only brought back Dark Enchantress Cookie…”

What? No, you couldn’t be mad at White Lily Cookie. Dark Enchantress Cookie had tricked you, tricked the others, tricked her. She fooled everyone….

“Y/N Cookie, you…speak as if Dark Enchantress Cookie and I are two separate beings.”

If you wanted to look at it truthfully, then yes. White Lily Cookie is in fact Dark Enchantress Cookie…

But it was White Lily Cookie’s love and kindness for all of Cookiekind that makes her leagues different from Dark Enchantress Cookie!

White Lily Cookie was taken aback by your response, fully expecting you to resent her when it ended up being the complete opposite. You saw White Lily Cookie for who she was deep down…

“Y/N Cookie….Do you know why Cookies were first created?”

That question gave you pause. The exact one that Dark Enchantress Cookie asked back at the banquet…

You…you did. It’s an unfortunate reason that you, that all the others existed….

White Lily sighed solemnly…

“Then..you would that we were made to…”

But…

You cut her off.

But that doesn’t mean that things can’t be different. Regardless if you knew why you were made or not won’t change how you or the others live their lives.

“I don’t understand. Don’t you want to understand the time you’re given despite knowing your purpose?”

You don’t believe that everything has to end in a certain way. You don’t need to have a special purpose to live your life the way you saw fit.

You were free to choose the path you want to take and that path was to see your cookies happy and prosper! The fun and adventure never has to end if you keep moving forward on your path as you go…

“Choose as you go…moving forward…”

“I see….ha ha….”

White Lily Cookie giggled as she leaned her head on your shoulder.

“Y/N Cookie…if I had met you sooner, I think a lot of things would’ve turned out differently.”

You chuckled along with her giggles.

Maybe…maybe it would’ve…