#A vegan killed my marriage

[robynsassenmyview]

I am the Mushroom! Hear me braai!

"I am the mushroom! Hear me braai!", a review of 'A Vegan Killed My Marriage', at Theatre on the Square this afternoon.

IS that a cheese burger I see before me? Aaron McIlroy in A Vegan Killed My Marriage at Theatre on the Square in Sandton, this afternoon. Photograph courtesy Theatre on the Square. WHEN YOU HEAR complete strangers discussing their culinary habits on their way out of a theatre, you know that something has sunk into their sensibilities, and the play has reached them. You have this morning to…

[notmorbid]

hacks: season two.

dialogue prompts from the second season of hbo's hacks.

it feels racist in here, but i can't tell why.

i need you to take your phone and i need you to throw it into the ocean.

yo, are those ashes?

if you need to talk or whatever, i'm always here. except tuesdays and thursdays.

you've always been pretty entitled and annoying.

have you ever tried a regular meditation practice? apparently, it can really help.

i don't have 'emotional irregularity'.

i've never said this to anyone in my life, but i think you need to read less.

i don't need to see all the nasty things people have written about me.

i got the recipe from my favorite vegan beauty podcast.

you'd think at one point i'd stop caring.

this is the one place nobody judges you.

a dude did just call me 'socialist bitch' for walking out on the national anthem.

there is one thing that you could help me with.

___ is absolutely capable of killing me.

you're famous, right?

don't be a snob.

betrayal is the worst feeling in the world.

at least let me snap a pic of your aura real quick.

you're always trying to get me to be more honest.

you said you wouldn't hit people.

you're just like me. you're as selfish and cruel as i am.

once it's in your file, it's in your file.

i'm gonna be better. i'm gonna stop doing shit that makes me be impulsive.

haven't you ever been in litigation before? it'll be a good experience for you.

you never take my fashion advice.

you're talking in your sleep again.

i'm trying to be a good person, you dumb bitch.

get back to being 'good' tomorrow morning.

don't make me drink alone.

you're incredibly emotionally intelligent.

those compression socks are fierce.

you told me that? i must have blocked it out because it's so sad.

your assistant said you were at anger management.

excuse me? i am very self-sufficient.

i'm going to stay here and take one of those 'depression naps'.

i can only imagine what perverse road we're about to go down.

do you feel that society has programmed you to feel this way?

fuck it. i'm gonna start voting.

i do mean what i'm saying. i'm just saying it because i'm on molly.

good luck with your marriage. your wife's obsessed with me.

wow, you're hot and funny?

i was almost a victim of unprovoked physical violence. where have you been?

i called ___ 'mommy' earlier. i don't even call my mom that.

i think that was just a hill. now, you're climbing a mountain.

stop trying to cheer me up.

'one of'? how many stalkers do you have?

i'm kind of hard to describe. you kind of have to experience it.

no, it's cool. i love nosy people.

i was so lonely, i used to draw faces on our pillows and talk to them.

how'd you get that scar?

how could they do that to you?

i looked tired while i was sleeping?

i can't believe you won't just say you're sorry.

i was hoping you would just be proud of me for doing something.

i always thought you just didn't even try.

you will fuck up. it's impossible not to.

can we go out? i want to get fucked up.

i know what you're doing. you're pushing me away because you're afraid.

people want you right now. they won't forever.

you have to be a shark. you have to do what's best for you.

what do i have to even say?

i told you. you're just like me.

you've got your own mountain to climb.

i don't want to be here. i want to be wherever you are.

that's it? we're not gonna talk anymore? i won't see you?

sounds problematic to me. but what do i know?

[an-autistic-with-personhood]

PLEASE tell me about your littlest pet shop town that you made with your sister omg i’m on the edge of my seat

Oh my god oh my god ok

So we used to play with them with a semi-normal town setup, with the animals as pretty normal modern townsfolk. Our town had a king (as you do when you're eight years old), most of the animals had families, and the many, many children left over stayed in an orphanage run by a Miss Hannigan from Annie-esque cat. I'll just list the ways it devolved from there. Relevant quotes attached.

The dog king got divorced every time we found a prettier dog wife for him (his first wife Daisy was an absolute bitch)

Jessica the orphanage caretaker hates kids and only works there because she's serving community service. We never explored what got her there.

Whenever we got new animals, we'd welcome them to town with a hazing-but-not-really-hazing ceremony (They'd very menacingly tell them they'd give them a "Nice. Warm. Welcome." But then it'd be the most wholesome cutesy song)

During our NCIS phase, we killed off a cat so we could do a murder investigation episode. She dangled from a makeshift noose in the corner for a few years before we brought her back

Some of the children from the orphanage ran away to live in the dump. They sell spiked lemonade. "The feral trash children spiked the lemonade!"

Somewhere down the line, a campsite went up with a pair of manipulative elephants hoarding the biggest campfire for themselves

The cat that ran the orphanage (Jessica) divorced her husband, and he got a redemption arc (and a bad haircut) out of it. I think one of the things that solidified his decision was when she spent the children's food money on a spa day. "Chad, I NEED this!!"

Accidental Krampus Christmas Special. "Saaanta's waaatching..."

Horror Christmas Special with children-eating snow bunnies. "🎵Frosty the Snow Bunny🎵 is gonna eat you now!"

Strained marriage between a husky and her idiot golden retriever husband (he loved her so much but he was just such a himbo that she sometimes couldn't take it)

Several character deaths after our family dogs chewed on the toys

I came home once to find my sister and cousin had been basically playing Survivor. Yet another cat was hanging from the bannister by a noose

Himbo golden retriever saw a lady bug (Carlos) for the first time and dubbed him the "chosen one", essentially starting a cult. Carlos was just the adopted son of the local cat polycule, but ce la vie

We have an au fanfiction somewhere of the himbo entering the town for the first time. au town was named Larpeville, pronounced "larpay villay". He met a vegan lion named Leoche (the "che" was silent) and nearly crashed a scooter into the town's new leaders. "*Sister making 'putputput' motor noises* *screaming*"

Triplet horse sisters (Sandy, Brownie, and Snowy) fell in love with a zebra, but all took different strategies to win his heart. Sandy took a pretty normal "get to know you" route. Snowy was the blondest of blondes and just blurted whatever. Brownie went full stalker. "My name is Snowy, but my friends call me Tanya"

The zebra befriended the orphans and talked to them on his morning runs. Pretty normal, but I had to mention my sister's genius improv when she blurted out Carlos's line, "I don't live here!!!"

The last time we played was exactly a year ago. My sister was 25, I was 24, and our cousin was 21. We made a playboy kink mansion. The himbo and his wife were trying out a sex therapist and she suggested they explore said playboy mansion.

Co-signed by my sister and my cousin - they just read the post and added some ridiculousness I'd forgotten

[amnotaqueen]

Why Is He So Fixated On Weight?

So, my husband comes home from work this evening. I heard him say to our son, "You are getting fat."

Our son is 7 years old. He is 49 inches tall and weighs 60 pounds. He is NOT 'fat' in the slightest. I said to him, "What? Did you say he is fat? That's not cool to tell a kid he's fat."

He replied, "Look at his calves."

"What about them?" I asked.

"They don't have muscle."

"They don't have muscle? What does that have to do with being fat?" His statement made no sense to me.

So then he abandons that logic (if you can call it logic) and says, "He's my kid. I can say what I want. Besides, I didn't say he was fat. I said he was getting fat."

I said, "You especially should not be calling your own kid fat. Telling him he is getting fat is not much better. He's not fat or getting fat, number one. Number two, say things up building. If he were overweight, there are better ways as his parents to manage his weight besides telling him he is fat."

Then, he starts talking about how in HIS culture (Nigerian), calling people fat is nothing. We've had this conversation before and I reminded him that everything should not be about HIS culture. After all, he left Nigeria to come to America. We are in a North American culture. Why can't he be mindful of the dominant prevailing culture we are living in and respect everyone's feelings as much as possible? Well, I know the answer to that question.

He said ok to end the discussion. Of course, I have not convinced him to reconsider his position. We spoke to the elders yesterday, so for the sake of seeming to want to make things better in our marriage, he is going to pretend to do so for the time being. We will see how long it lasts.

I have major concerns about him calling our son fat to his face.

It is a put down. It is being overly critical, negative, and judgemental of a child. He can damage his self esteem.

He simply is not fat. What is he talking about?!? I'm concerned about just how thin he wants our son to be. He mentioned the junk food he was eating in conjunction with his comment about him being fat. He ate a burger and fries yesterday. I keep fast food meals to one meal a week. No soda. He has an occasional piece of candy as reward for good behavior, like mini chocolates. He eats some processed foods, but I make lots of vegan meals too and make him eat lots of veggies. I know he doesn't like processed foods. But he needs to get a grip. I'm trying to be balanced. There are different factors to consider. My husband oversimplifies and he is miffed at anyone or anything that deviates from what he envisions as "the right way."

This scares me because recently I was paying attention to the court case about a man who was on trial for killing his son. They showed video footage of the man cruelly making his son run on the treadmill for long periods of time, at a fast pace which repeatedly swept him off the treadmill and he kept forcing the boy, his son, back onto the treadmill causing him to sustain multiple injuries. They said that this man also was calling his son fat. I saw pictures of the boy. He was not fat in the slightest.

[modestcatholiclife]

A Week of Progress & Small Victories

This week has been very rewarding. We're still leading up to Lent, my first time participating Lent, and it is a little daunting. Fasting from meat isn't fun but that is the point and it is doable. How I'm going to cope with this week after cheesefare is beyond me. I definitely don't think being vegan is in the cards for me at this time 😅.

On Wednesday, my fiance and I met up with our priest finally! We've been trying to find a time to talk about my baptism for months. Thankfully, he not only covered that during our talk but also our wedding plans and my fiance's interest in potentially changing rites. Because of the distance between us and general business of our lives, our priest and I will be doing catechism via email with the goal of having me ready for baptism by Pentecost! After that we'll be able to start talking marriage prep, which will take roughly 3-6 months so, hopefully, we'll be getting married before the end of this year. One of my fiance's friends has two other weddings to attend in November so we just have to pray that's not where we end up. I'd rather not put the wedding off any longer than necessary.

On Thursday, my fiance and I visited St. Volodymyr's in order to help with the changing over of the cloths. We weren't exactly the greatest help but there's a first time for everything and we can only get better from here. We got everything done in 3 hours and then sat down to chat in the parish hall with some coffee and very cold cookies from the fridge. On the walk home from the church, my fiance and I passed an appliance store that is always closed when we pass it on Sundays. This was the first time we've seen it open and the cat that lives in there (see my previous post for the photo) was very calm and friendly to the two strangers who like to stare at him through the glass. His name is Alex and he is honestly a very sturdy cat. Not fat, not skinny, very muscular actually.

On Sunday, we went to the 5pm mass at the local cathedral where we joined the choir! I'm not much of a singer but I really enjoy it and am willing to put the effort in to try and make my voice sound at least pleasant. This is a mass that a lot for young adults attend so our young adult group decided we should get more involved with it so that we can include the people that go there in community events. The mass was followed by vespers and then we all went out to dinner in honour of the priest who said the mass that night: a younger priest, in his thirties, who has been very involved in our young adult community and has begun a midweek mass at the local uni, who is moving on to another parish. It was a very lovely night, I got to catch up with people I haven't seen in several weeks, including one of the women there who is always very sweet to everyone. We had a great conversation. I got to talk a bit about my talk with our priest earlier in the week and about the wedding. She invited me to a weekly run some of the women do each Saturday. I won't be able to make it this week but I'd love to join them, even if I haven't physically ran in years and it'll probably kill me. She also offered to help me with fertility awareness, as that is the area she is qualified in which sounds like such a blessing. I'm feeling very hopeful for this year.

Today I've begun my Lenten fasts. My laptop has been put away which has helped me tremendously. I've done a load of laundry (not the single biggest achievement but it was long overdue) and completely tidied my room. Though this week without dairy will be tough, I'm looking forward to Lent as a whole.

Glory to Jesus Christ!

[biethefairy]

Movie Eaters- Hellraiser (1987) directed by Clive Barker

I watched this a day ago, And maybe I was missing something but I didn't really like this movie. I can understand it as a classic horror film and the campiness of it. And that's lovely and great, but I just didn't really care for the story or found it scary. I just found it really gore which doesn't really disgust me. I think what disgusted me during it was because I was eating when Frank came back to life and that made me want to puke because it looked like my food. Ruined my whole dinner but I finished it. But yea, Julia and Franks's relationship was dumb to me because like he came maybe a week before Julia got married. And I don't know what happens after but he got her in bed. Mind you, it looked like the wedding dress was laid out next to them (ON THE BED WITH THEM) ready to go for the morning since she was marrying Franks's brother Larry. She got that full night fun action packed 80s edition-rated sex scene. And from that, she was hooked on Frank. Mind you, that man left seconds after it was over. He didn't give a not even one damn about her. And she was willing to kill for him. Sick. Like I get the marriage with Larry was going downhill I don't remember what happened but from what I think he cheated on her maybe. Or maybe the situation-ship with Frank made her have second thoughts but it was too late (it is never too late to say no) and she went on with the wedding. But damn really Frank…and he really ain't shit 'cause he made her one of his victims after Kristy fucked up his evil plan. But honestly, he fuck around a found out because why as a human being are you playing around with something that sounds so ancient and has that kind of lore. Like I get it, I want mermaids to be true to but honestly, I don't want people to find them if they are real because I don't know what would be worse, humans capturing and studying them, eating them, wearing them, and or making them as pets. And I'm not a vegan or anything but humans are kinda of sick creatures if we think about it. So Frank being got by the cenobite is really serving because who told you to touch that in the first place. But yea that's really all I have to write, I know there's actually lore and more movies but I'm gonna keep it at that.

I give the movie 5.9/10

[ultramaga]

It's trivial to see that women don't see all men as beautiful - if anything, psych studies show nearly the opposite, with only a few men regarded as acceptable - the few at the apex. At least, the younger generation and the westerners only - everyone else is getting married and having kids. Feminism - Leftism is ultimately self-defeating because it sabotages the reproduction of members of its own culture, and encourages those who are violently opposed to come over en masse. But imagine if feminists were honest, and they genuinely believed that women were universally beautiful.

All you would have is universal meh. "Mid" exists for a reason. If everyone was actually the same level of attractiveness, there would be no excitement about the beautiful. We adore them BECAUSE they are rare, and because beauty is brief.

The reason Hollywood actresses get paid so much is NOT because they are great at acting - if they are, they can work on stage, and very few can -- no, the reason is because they are beautiful, and for a few hours and the price of a ticket, you can look at someone you will never have, and imagine yourself with them. Women do it too, but the males they fantasise about have to have a ton of other factors, like physical strength, violence, wealth, social status ... Men do not give a shit about all of that. It's very easy to cater to them. Be beautiful. If you can't, and most women can't, then look at having a great personality, being fun to be with, but because feminists are genuinely awful, they can't manage that either. Feminists, mostly, are man-hating heterosexuals who want the dirty hard boys that they despise and worship. Look at Emma Watson, travelling the Earth for cock. What does she select?

Wealth, height, strength, good looking; maybe a few signifiers that he is submissive to Leftism but otherwise can be dominant with her.

Emma burns through them at an incredible rate, never settling down, never having a family, her biological clock whirring and letting out smoke. And she's showing her age, now, maybe because she's a vegan, maybe she does a lot of coke, but she looks older than she is.

Without makeup and filters, she looks forty. Fifty is not far away. She looks ... mid. If she wasn't a child star with decades of makeup and dressing by professionals, I don't think she'd ever get a gig as an actress now. Her looks are wilting. They weren't going to last forever. She's nearly done. And that's the thing about Feminists. They all see themselves as a ten, and men as worthless scummmm - except for the few they obsessively thirst about. It's funny to see the same misandrous feminists here will post KILL ALL MEN and then OMG I WANT THIS CELEB TO DESTROY MY PUSSY AND MY ASS. They aren't self-aware. There are turnips with more consciousness.

So for the non-feminists, here's some advice.

Beauty fades. It's important, sure, but it's not going to last. But shared experiences, terrific adventures, old photographs - those are the things that make for long term marriages, and the frantic lust of youth is replaced by a mature contentment. I knew a couple who met late in life. Their partners had died, and he knew he only had so much time. So they did things, sometimes little things. He would help pay for things she couldn't afford on her pension, she would make him breakfast once per week. Just a humble bacon and eggs on toast, with a cup of tea. And it made them happy. He felt useful, she felt appreciated. And when he died, she mourned him bitterly. Because there's not enough time, not ever. Feminists burn away all the time they have, screeching with rage that men should have made it all better, but doing nothing to help others. And when they die, no-one will mourn them. They don't have deep relationships, they alienate their own families, and they despise children. Don't be like them.

Go out and find someone to share a life with.

meninist

[silverjetsystm]

𝟷. , 𝟼. , 𝟽. , 𝟿.

Please note that most of this was written on my phone while riding shotgun across The Big Empty. Typos, words that don't make sense, etc. will happen. Also for those who are not @lalamoon, this is Kit and I's universe.

This got out of hand so I put a read more.

CW/TW for drug and alcohol addiction at the very end under read more.

Headcanons Meme | Accepting!

Answering: Sexuality, Marriage, Children, Drugs.

One. Sexuality: They're all bi.

Marc: Got some real internalized biphobia. Pre-Layla, men were mostly because he was Around Lots of Men. He had crushes but there wasn't a lot of Romance. And he's as usual oblivious to people crushing on him. Lots of fucking tho.

Steven: Likes men and women. He kinda treats them both the same. Gentle, romantic, but he's also so focused on his inner world, he misses cues.

Jake: He's very good at reading people. He loves to hang out with people. Dance. Enjoy the moment, whether it's platonic or something different. Sex is enjoyable to him, though his libido adapts to whatever scale his partner is on.

Six. Marriage: WIFE WIFE WIFE WIFE WI-

Marc and Jake did sleep around a lot in the Pre-Layla days. Port in any storm. Steven did have a few days and makeout sessions. a former girlfriend sabatoged him from anything more. So Layla was Steven's first (and Marc was Layla's).

If we have to generalize...

Marc took a long time to say "I love you." He still uses it sparingly. One can see his love through his hands clenched in protection, laced with Layla's, or in building.

Steven says it a lot. Either the three words in English, Arabic, French. Or in their favorite quotes.

Jake will use one bazillion terms of endearment, clever hand, and gift giving.

Layla and the System's marriage is incredibly strong. They've had great struggles and will continue to face it together. Whether or not Marc feels like they can. It's a difficult thing, loving someone who does not see the good in himself. To Marc, Steven and Jake are the good parts of him. At several points, he feels like he should disappear and nothing would be lost.

Of course, that's not true. Layla and Marc were together first. She's stuck with him through thick and thin. They navigate white people bs, antisemitism, racism, Khonshu's manipulations, and Marc's own mistakes. Yknow, being part of the mercenary group responsible for killing Layla's father and his colleagues. Marc did try to save them. Yet, to Marc, it's like he pulled the trigger himself.

Steven's memory is incredibly dicey. When his narrative is thrown off by waves of grief and trauma, his recent memories are tossed out. It's not a deliberate thing. He is distraught every time that he can forget the best parts of his life (such as Layla when Marc's father passed). Like, of course his mother is alive, of course his father is alive. They're both very busy people.

Layla appreciates the interests Steven is interested in and vis versa. They have in-depth, romantic conversations about their favorite poets, artists, and yknow. Archeology. He loves spending time with her. Getting fancy and going out on the town. Staying in and enjoying each other's company. While people making comments about him aren't on his radar (being a vegan, for example), Layla definitely picks up on that and reads em for filth.

Our favorite legend Jake doesn't need being called in (Marc) or particulars (Steven). He's everyone's best guy. Friendly, charming, flexible. He's the one Layla can lean on, speak her mind to.

The System and Layla open the Midnight Mission together. It's the biggest sign of their love and lifetime project. They support their community by fist and by mutual aid.

Uh. Anyway.

Seven. Children:

The System and Layla have 2 older kids that are not of their blood.

Unlike 616, the System and Layla remain together, married, and raise their Beam. Like everything else, they struggle with conceiving. (Thanks Khonshu). Layla had an extremely difficult pregnancy. Marc was focused, trying to keep her and the baby alive. So!

Marc fucking struggles with baby Beam. He goes dormant. Steven and Jake take to fatherhood well. Steven is an educator and is very focused on Beam's milestones and health. Jake is used to helping out with cousins and Gena's boys.

Once Marc gets his head out of his head, he does enjoy fatherhood. Beyond grateful he has a wife and daughter. He loves spending time with Beam. Usually he's quiet.

As in the rest of their lives, Layla and the system are a team!

Nine. Drugs.

Steven and Jake do not have Substance Use Disorder. Both (and Marc) enjoy cigarettes, cannabis, and alcohol in social situations. Cannabis does help with some of their physical and mental health.

Marc does have SUD from using alcohol, Vicodin, and oxycodone to self-medicate chronic pain and trauma (losing Layla to The Snap is the straw that broke the camel's back). Khonshu does heal the body and handle the physical effects. But it does take Marc a long time to actually get treatment from not the bird god.

[moonlightsapphic]

I’ve always been a tiny bit allergic to weddings.

I grew up with social anxiety, and desi weddings involve days of (often quite sexist) loud, flashy, stuffy and crowded ceremonies, usually with unbelievably long guest lists of extended family, friends and colleagues. I had to be dragged to them as a child.

So whenever someone told me, “I’d love a big wedding,” I’d get skeptical. Surely no one wants to be put through an experience that horrendous?

I was nineteen and with my boyfriend of three years at the time when an older friend said to me. “You know, I used to think I hated big weddings too. But turned out, deep down I was just hesitant to think of marrying the guy I was with. Our relationship was extremely toxic. But I wasn’t ready to admit that yet. Living in quiet denial and telling myself I just wanted a court marriage was easier.”

That was just one of the many, many little signs, events and ordeals that lead to my painful, drawn-out breakup with my high school boyfriend that I’d thought I’d marry someday.

I have zero regrets. I’m glad I escaped his emotionally abusive clutches.

Right now, I’m seven months into a relationship with my best friend of three years. I was twenty and she was twenty-one when we began dating. We were no longer teenagers. We each knew what we wanted in a partner, and we found it in each other. Things just make sense with her in a way some part of me thought it would be near-impossible to find in another human being. We are undoubtedly soulmates, weirdly similar, and have always been crazy fans of each other’s successes. We make each other laugh until we can’t breathe, we make each other feel safe and wanted in terms of physical intimacy, we follow up on each other’s lives constantly around a whopping twelve-hour time difference. (Cue the long-distance lesbian relationship memes. I live abroad for university.)

I wouldn’t be exaggerating if I said she teaches me, with every passing day, what it is to work together to gently nurture a healthy relationship, and watch it gradually grow.

(PSA: That amazing girlfriend whom you’re too scared to be gay for? Girl, ask her out. In most cases, you’ll have more to gain than to lose.)

My girlfriend and I come from different religious backgrounds (a big no-no in our country, usually). She’s Hindu and I’m Muslim, but it’s amazing how little that matters to us. The way we personally practice our faiths, the lifestyles that we would like to have in the future are strikingly similar: vegan, as environment-friendly as possible, a couple furry friends (she’s a dog-person and I’m a cat person), a child (hopefully a daughter!) maybe when we’re equipped to have one, a cozy little home of our own in a quiet city abroad, traveling to new places in vacations, working for social welfare in the sidelines of our STEM jobs …

What I want to say here is this: If we were a heterosexual couple, we’d be mapping out our futures already, and telling our families (and friends) about each other.

But we’re not. We’re a gay couple in a country where queer people can be killed for coming out. Only two of our mutual friends know about us. We’re afraid that any more and the word may spread through town.

Neither of our families will ever understand.

We will be labeled crazy, perverted, in need of help, gone rogue from western influence, irresponsible, selfish traitors that are blind to our families’ hurt.

I still do not dream of a big wedding.

This time, I simply do not have the luxury to be able to picture it, in even my wildest dreams.

But the thought of, maybe someday, saying “I do,” to the love of my life in the quiet office of a court Justice; the thought of, maybe someday, looking into her chestnut eyes and knowing we’re going to be outcasts together, to have and to hold from that day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish—It keeps me going. It keeps my fighting through every bad day to next good one when I’ll get to tell her again I love her, and know that—even though I’m young, even though there’s such a long, uncertain road ahead of me—I have never meant it more for anyone else.

[rviner]

"Take what down? This is me, bitch. Take it or leave it." Bunny declares proudly, a little shimmy of her shoulders to send iddy tiddies shaking as she laughs. "You know I'm right, anyways. That's why you're being all..." her hand waves in a gesture to Chloe's coy demeanor. "Whatever the fuck that is. We're not virgins." even if she speaks while chuckling, Bunny means her words sincerely. Just as sincerely as she responds to her cousin on dating sites, nose wrinkling in hororr. "Ew no, they're like mega creeps on there, what the fuck? And you look desp on dating sites. Es-PESH if you fill out all the little bio deets like a loser. I bet you did that." she snatches Chloe's clutch at lightening speed, determined to get hold of the witch's phone. "Just meet and hook up with someone at an event or something like a normal person."

Bunny offers a careless shrug when Chloe rattles off about Bella and Felix's future marriage, and how essentially it will bring the Ranstrom into family ties. "Eh. Makes it kinda hotter." she admits without care, now laughing purely for effect as she moans loudly. "Oh, no Felix, we musn't! You're my step-cousin!" Bunny then cackles, despite knowing the witch turned wolf has pretty much zero interest in anything except a self righteous vegan. "Yeah four years is a long time but," she shrugs wildly. "You're not dead and he's not the last big dick to roam Earth."

Bunny scoffs, eyes rolling as Chloe tries to breeze around any mention of Noah. "Okay fine, if you don't want him, I'll see if I can hook up with him." she challenges, although she's pretty certain she's flirted with the St. James wolf before and there was not much return. Bunny glances to Chloe's concern, eyes flicking over her cousin's features as her hand twirls the end of her pony tail. "What? No. I was making out with him and he tried to grab a feel. That's not assault, that's just a weirdo that thinks a tongue down his throat means you wanna fuck him. Don't victimize me." she says spitefully now, anger rising through her just because of Reid being back int he city.

Bunny accepts the cigarette, huffing as she glances over her shoulder to the balcony doors and the fact she can still see his and Jet's dumb stupid fucking tall frames above the rest of the crowd. "No, he won't leave early. He'll literally stay here with sad little goth girls all over his dick because he needs attention." she says and then, to add insult to injury, one of her tracks is cut off right before the drop. A Lil Ri whiney pop punky intro sounding out. "Oh for- I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL MYSELF!"

'urgh! bunny!' chloe exclaims out, a shriek mixing with her laugh. 'you have to...take it down a notch! my brain needs bleaching!' the belcourt almost cackles as she scolds her cousin, even if she should be used to bunny's intense and exaggerated way with words. but a small, sadder chuckle lingers. yes, dating is hard. especially when thoughts of an ex spring up on you when you least expect it. or your phone decides to notify you about a new post from them, almost always with some hint of their new romance involved. 'it's a different sort of insufferable here, that's for sure. not so much cali guys but...wall street.' she grimaces. 'but i'm out there. i'm on the sites, okay? so...leave it alone.' chloe waves her hand, putting the topic away, or so she hopes.

her gaze gives bunny a playful look of warning about felix, her head tilting to the side. 'when bella and him get married, that's like...cousin in law? i don't know how it works.' she waves a hand. 'but that means you'll be related by marriage too. so. careful.' she says this purely with hopes of bunny letting her fascination with the ranstrom die. because if bunny loves felix so much, it's obvious what she'll think about jakob. and there it is, hearing how great her ex is and chloe nods her head slowly. 'i wasn't pining. but four years is a long time, okay? cut me some slack.' she elbows bunny swiftly.

chloe hates how everything said about noah is going to resurface when she finally speaks to him tonight. she tries to scoff it away, waving off bunny's statements but some of them have embedded. 'that's hazel's brother. it's complicated. stop it.' the witch murmurs, taking in a deep breath as she moves with bunny through the crowd. chloe has to take a moment, glitching almost at the following admission. 'wait...did he...bunny, i think that's...assault?' she grits her teeth, concern on her expression, because her cousin doesn't seem at all...traumatized? if anything, the only spark of anger that arrives is from the sight of jet and reid. chloe can't move bunny away fast enough, herding her fiery cousin to a nearby balcony and rushing to fetch cigarettes. 'okay, no. that's...he...he's from here, bun.' chloe reminds her, shoving a smoke to the witch's lips and lighting it with a flick of a finger. 'he'll probably just leave early, especially if jet's with him. so let's just...chill here for a little while.'

[allthingsfangirl101]

Rehearsal Dinner Disaster–Zac Efron

I was too busy fixing the flower arrangements to notice Zac walk up behind me. I gasped as he wrapped his arms around my waist and leaned his chin on my shoulder.

"They look beautiful, babe," he whispered.

"Are you sure?" I asked. "Do the colors clash? Are they too out of season? They match the bouquets perfectly but. . . "

Zac laughed as he unwrapped his arms from around me, spun me around, and pressed his lips to mine. I sighed before starting to kiss him back.

I broke the kiss and leaned back, wrapping my arms around his neck. I bit my lip and glanced over my shoulder at the flowers.

"Are you sure they look okay?"

"Babe," he chuckled. "The only thing more beautiful than the flower arrangements is you."

I blushed as I giggled and shook my head. I wrapped my arms tighter around him, pulling him closer to me.

"Just a few more days and I get to call you my wife," he smirked.

"Just a few more days and I get to call you my. . ."

"Y/N!"

Zac and I both jumped as my sister came running into the room. "Your caterer is on the phone. It sounds like there is a problem with getting the food here for the rehearsal dinner or maybe it was the reception. I can't remember what he said. You have to handle it. I don't know what you want and his French accent is really hard to understand."

"It's okay," I soothed her. "Just give me the phone."

I sent Zac a look as my sister walked out of the room, mumbling about never getting married. He laughed as he walked over and kissed my cheek.

"The joys of wedding planning," he whispered.

Things only got crazier from there. My mother was frantically running around before the rehearsal dinner and didn't stop the entire night. I couldn't enjoy the dinner because my mom was worried about the plans for the ceremony, my dad was focused on trying to threaten Zac, my sisters were complaining about the bridesmaid dresses, and the groomsmen were rating my friends.

I had just calmed my mother down after she found out that the caterer called to cancel the steak and replace it with salmon. I walked around the corner, trying to hide from everyone.

"There you are."

I looked up to see Zac walking towards me. His smile fell when he saw the look on my face. He jogged over, gently grabbing my arms.

"What's wrong?" He asked, lowering his voice.

"I can't. . . There's so much to. . . And everyone. . . This is supposed to be our weekend and everyone wants something and I just. . ."

When my voice broke, Zac pulled me into his chest. He rubbed my back and kissed my temple.

"Have you had anything to eat?" He whispered.

"I haven't had the chance," I stuttered. "Whenever I go to the food, something comes up and I need to fix it."

"Let's get you something to eat," he smiled down at me. "I'll cover you."

Zac and I finally got peace as we ate. Whenever someone tried to come and ask me a question or talk about tomorrow, Zac politely turned them away.

"Are weddings always this crazy?" I sighed after Zac turned away my frantic mother for the tenth time since we sat down.

"Wouldn't know," he shrugged. "This is my first wedding."

I sent him a playful glare making him laugh. He leaned over and pressed a kiss to my cheek.

"It's okay," he sighed. "I know things are crazy and I wish I could tell you that they'll calm down but they won't. What I can tell you is that I will be right here with you. If you ever need a break or need to find somewhere to hide so you can catch your breath, I'll help you escape."

I leaned over and pressed my lips to his. I felt him smirk as he started to kiss me back.

"Y/N. Oh! Sorry."

We pulled apart when we saw my sister blushing. "I just came to tell you that mom was looking for you. Something about matching her new shoes to her dress for tomorrow."

"Okay," I laughed. "I'll go find her. Thanks."

She nodded before turning on her heel and walking away. I sighed as I looked back at Zac.

"It never ends."

                         * * * * *

By the time the rehearsal dinner was over, I was exhausted. I walked into my hotel room, instantly kicking off my heels. I collapsed onto the couch, my eyes watering.

"You okay?"

I looked up to see Zac walking into my room. He sat next to me, pulling me into his chest.

"I'm so tired, baby," I whispered, my voice getting caught in my throat.

"I know," he whispered. He held me close to his chest, slightly rubbing my arm. "We just have to get through tomorrow then it's you and me the rest of our lives."

"Just tomorrow?" I sighed, sitting up and pulling out of his embrace. "Zac, ever since we got engaged, it's been one thing after another. We haven't even been able to enjoy being engaged. At our engagement party, my mother wanted to plan everything. I mean, have we even been alone since the night we got engaged?"

"Well, I guess not," he stuttered as I stood up.

"See?" I said. I started to pace back and forth as I rambled. "I feel like we can't enjoy being engaged and planning our wedding because every time we turn around, something is wrong. My parents want input, my sisters want to choose their dresses, your parents aren't getting enough input and. . ."

Zac jumped up and caught me when my legs gave out. He led me to the couch and sat next to me.

"Y/N," Zac said gently. "Babe, just breathe."

"This is too much," I whispered. "Everyone is driving me crazy. My sisters hate the dresses, my cousin is bothering me about her vegan meal, our groomsmen and bridesmaids seem to either be trying to kill each other or sleep together."

Zac shushed me as he ran his fingers through my hair, playing with it. I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against his chest.

"I can't do this," I said under my breath.

"You can't marry me?" He asked softly.

"No," I said quickly as I pulled out of his embrace. "That's not what I can't do, baby. I can't get married with all of this crap going on, all this drama. It's too much."

"Hey," he whispered, gently cutting me off. "I love you, Y/N. And I'm sorry that our wedding is crazy, but that's not what matters. What matters is that this time tomorrow, we will be husband and wife. What matters is that we love each other and are going to spend the rest of our lives together."

"I love you," I whispered. He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. When he pulled away, he leaned us both back into the couch.

I sighed as I leaned my head on his shoulder. Zac chuckled as he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer to him. We sat in silence, enjoying this moment of peace before the chaos to come tomorrow.

"Why don't we just get married tonight?" Zac said suddenly.

"What?" I asked as I sat up and looked at him.

"Let's do it," he smirked. "The courthouse isn't that far away and we already have our marriage license."

"You're serious," I mumbled under my breath.

"I am," Zac said eagerly. "Let's go. Right now. That way we can have our perfect private wedding tonight and then whatever happens tomorrow happens, but we won't care because we already had our private wedding the night before."

I started nervously chewing my bottom lip as I waited to see if he was kidding. He wasn't.

"I'm in," I said with a nervous giggle.

                         * * * * *

I smoothed out my wedding dress before walking out of the bathroom. I walked over to the front door where Zac was waiting for me. I cleared my throat, making him turn around. His eyes instantly filled with tears as he smiled widely. He chuckled as he covered his mouth.

"Wow," he said under his breath, his voice breaking. "You look. . ."

I nervously tucked a piece of hair behind my ear as Zac walked over to me. He took my hands in his, still looking at me in my dress.

"You look so beautiful," he whispered. He leaned down and gently pressed his lips to mine. He broke the kiss, his face still inches from mine.

"Let's go get married, baby."

We snuck out of the hotel without anyone from the wedding party seeing us. The whole way to the courthouse, Zac held my hand. Every once in a while, he'd bring our intertwined hands up to his lips and kiss my knuckles.

As we pulled up to the courthouse, parked the car, and headed inside, I wasn't nervous at all. I didn't have an ounce of doubt in my mind as we waited our turn.

"Efron wedding?"

Zac and I looked at each other, our smiles widening when he reached over and grabbed my hand. He stood up, pulling me with him. He didn't look away as he pulled out a small bouquet of flowers.

"Where did you get those?" I giggled.

"Gift shop," he shrugged. "I went in while you were in the bathroom."

"Zac," I said, happy tears coming to my eyes.

"Every bride deserves a bouquet on her wedding day."

I grabbed the flowers, my hand on top of his. I stood on my toes and pressed my lips to his. I instantly broke the kiss, lowering off my toes.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you too," he smiled. "Now, let's go get married."

                         * * * * *

After Zac and I got married at the courthouse, we headed back to the hotel. Without a word, Zac escorted me back to my hotel room. When we got there, I hesitated outside the door. I turned towards him, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"I don't want to go in there," I whispered.

"Y/N," he chuckled.

"At least not alone."

My innocent smile turned into a knowing smirk. Zac chuckled as he pulled me closer into his chest. He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. I smiled as our lips started moving in sync. We managed to get my hotel room open without breaking the kiss.

We laughed as we walked into the room, Zac kicking the door shut behind us. He finally broke the kiss, his smirk slowly fading.

"I love you so much," he whispered. "And I am so excited to start our life together."

"I love you too, baby."

                         * * * * *

"Oh my!"

Zac and I jolted awake when we heard my mother gasp. I quickly grabbed the hotel blanket and made sure my mom didn't see me naked in bed with my husband.

"Good morning, Mrs. Y/L/N," Zac said with a goofy smile on his face.

"What are you doing in here, mom?" I asked, slightly clearing my throat.

"We were supposed to have breakfast before we started getting you ready," she said slowly.

"Right," I laughed awkwardly. "Give me ten minutes and I'll meet you in the lobby."

Mom glanced over at Zac and clearing her throat. She nodded quickly before turning on her heel and leaving. I let out a sigh of relief as I heard the door open and close.

"Well," I said as I cleared my throat. "That was embarrassing."

"Ehh," Zac shrugged as he snaked his arm around my waist and pulled me back into his chest. I let out a little giggle as he kissed my neck, nibbling on my skin.

He bit my neck before whispering in my ear, "Your mom seeing us in bed together will most likely be a footnote to the chaos that is yet to ensue."

[writer-panda]

The Hit on the Groom and What Became of It - Chapter 3/Leaps in logic (and over the edge of the rooftop)

Chapter 1  -|-  Previous -|- Next

---------

Adrien’s day wasn’t good at first. Okay, it was straight-up terrible. For most, their wedding is supposed to be a happy day. Or at least a reason for celebrations. Adrien? He couldn’t even hope for a cake since it would ruin his model body.

For the last several months, his father was working him into an early grave. The extra photo sessions, harder classes, new exercise regime… and Lila. The last one was terrifying. 

Adrien tried to hold onto hope that his father would in the end cancel the whole affair. That he would drop the ridiculous notion of wedding or at least push it back. The young model wasn’t sure exactly why was his father so insistent on pushing for the wedding. He repeatedly asked himself if Lila was blackmailing his father, but it was hard to think of anything that his father possibly could be blackmailed with. Adrien spent countless hours wondering if his father had some dark secret, but it didn’t fit the man. 

Did the designer have an affair with Nathalie? No… he already got angry about the suggestion once. And even if so, it wasn’t something that he would be so ashamed about. 

Was his father doing some illegal business dealings? It was somewhat possible, but what? It would need to be something big. Something extremely big. 

Thinking rationally, he had no idea what could it be…

What could be so big that it was worth more than the happiness of his only son?

--------

When one looks at all that, being kidnapped right at the altar was almost… nice. Sure, Adrien had been dragged by a sentient pile of mud into the sewers and then carried to some unknown location. Sure, his beautiful suit was ruined and all the hard work Marinette put into her work was irreversibly wasted. 

But, he was not married to Lila. 

The pile of mud dragged him deep into the sewers until they found a ladder leading up. It appeared to be grievously damaged, with several steps in the row removed. Adrien didn’t protest much when he was lifted up and into the place above. 

The place turned out to be a quite comfy flat. It was overall smaller than Adrien’s room back in Paris, but it felt more welcoming. It only had one big room, divided in half with a plywood panel. In the first ‘room’, there was a couch, a small table with three chairs, a tv on a cabinet, and two armchairs. It all appeared to be old and worn out. The second part held two beds (one without any mattress), a desk with an old computer, and a kitchen annex. It was… nice. Adrien almost liked it better than the big, sterile manor. 

The pile of mud seated him on one of the chairs before condensing into humanoid form. Slowly, his body turned human and in the end, he looked almost exactly like the wedding officiator. The man pulled his phone and sent some text before turning to Adrien. 

“Do you want something to eat?” He asked, walking over to the kitchen annex.

“Um… anything would do.” Adrien hesitantly spoke up. He was only slightly scared. Honestly, first, he is saved from the wedding and now he is given free food? Yes, purr-lease!

“Vegan or non-vegan?”

“I would kill for a fat, juicy steak…” Adrien remembered his last photo session, which was advertising the summer collection. One of the photos had him standing over the BBQ grill. The smell of the food being prepared almost made him salivate back then. 

“Ah… The actor’s diet?” His kidnapper/savior asked, giving him a knowing look at the same time.

“Yeah… I’m a model, but I heard it’s the same” Adrien corrected. 

“I’ll get you something. We need to wait anyway.” 

Adrien chose not to speak to the man while he was cooking. It was still a bit awkward. He was being kidnapped.

It didn’t matter. The meal was too good to complain. Who cares about kidnapping when one is given some meat. It was a light meal, probably not to upset his stomach, but it was still more than he hoped for that day. 

Of course, it couldn’t be that pretty.

The moment Adrien finished with the first piece of meat and was reaching for another, the doors were violently kicked and a man entered. He was dressed in a red bodysuit with silverly metallic elements. His helmet had one eye replaced with a red… monocle?

The explosion was quickly followed by a single gunshot. The moment it sounded, Clayface (because that was the name of the ‘pile of mud’) became frozen in place. Literally. He was covered head to toes in ice.

“My steak!” Adrien cried as he was being dragged away by the newcomer. 

They were already away when Clayface managed to break through the ice. He wanted to pursue them, but his phone rang suddenly, giving him a pause.

“Who is this?!” He snarled, irritated at the interruption.

“I was led to believe you have what I wanted.” The voice on the other side growled and Clayface paused. It sent shivers down his figurative spine. His employer sounded dangerous. 

“Ah… Yes… There’s been a… complication.” He stuttered, hoping it wasn’t too apparent. Whoever was on the other side made a terrifying first impression.

“What do you mean ‘complication’?” They hissed. Clayface stumbled and almost dropped the phone. He knew the employer was someone powerful, but it was a whole new level of scary. Sure, he was technically a mercenary, but until today his biggest job was some light security gig. This was supposed to be his way of reinventing himself into part of the major league. But this was being much more overwhelming. 

He quickly got to the point where his employer should’ve been somewhat satisfied and hanged up quickly. He had to get the boy before he became the target himself.

----------

Elsewhere, Adrien was starring into a pair of curious sea-green eyes.

When his new kidnapper brought him to the apartment and tied him to the chair, Adrien was still bemoaning the loss of his steak. He disliked the lack of freedom, but he was still feeling safer than with Lila and his father. Objectively looking at it, he knew it was wrong, but he preferred to be kidnapped. 

To his surprise, the kidnapped tossed him and the chair into some spare room of the flat they were in when the doorbell rang. There were also some curse words, but Adrien chose to disregard them.

It took a very energetic girl (about two years younger than him) all five minutes to figure out he was in that room. Not that the man made it particularly hard, leaving the doors half-open and all that.

She leveled her head so that they were on an equal level and stared into his face with an inquisitive glare.

“Daddy! You promised not to work on our day together!” She turned to the man and complained. “You clearly kidnapped him!”

“I’m really sorry, cupcake. I didn’t plan it. The time zone changes can really mess up with the calendar.”

“If it helps, this is better than the alternative.” Adrien smiled shyly.

“How is being tied to the chair good?”

“It’s better than being forced to get married.” The boy deadpanned.

“Fine.” She then turned to her father “But you will untie him. He can join us in our board game evening.” She declared imperatively.

“You won’t try anything, right?” The man glared at Adrien, who shrugged (as much as the binds allowed him). 

“I quite like it here. I could do with some water, but it’s really better than how the day was supposed to go.”

The man sighed and walked over to the boy. The rope fell to the floor and Adrien could move freely. Yet, he didn’t immediately move. He did try to get up, but the world swirled and blackness consumed his consciousness.

----------

When he woke up, he was once again faced with a set of sea-green eyes. The girl apparently liked to stare at faces in close quarters. Not that Adrien complained much as long as she didn’t actually touch him. He was used to the attention. 

“You must’ve been really tired. Daddy said he almost wanted to get you to a hospital.” That woke Adrien very quickly.

“No hospital!” He launched himself to sit straight up and almost crashed with the girl. Luckily, she moved out of the way. Otherwise, her father might’ve actually sent him to the hospital. Probably in pieces too. 

“Don’t worry.” Speaking of the devil, the man entered the room with a platter full of fast food and a glass of water. There was a hamburger there!

“Zoe. Please leave us alone for a moment. I need to discuss some things with Mr. Agreste.”

“Sure. But remember you promised not to hurt him. And we promised him board games.” She reminded her father before happily skipping out of the room. 

Once she was out, the man handed him the platter and Adrien practically leaped to devour the food. 

“So…” His kidnapper/temporary caretaker started awkwardly. “If it’s any help, I’m sorry for kidnapping you.” 

“Dot wowwy” Adrien dismissed him with a mouth full of burger. His father would lock him up for months if he saw him, but the boy was way past caring about it. He gulped before continuing though, as it was a shame to waste anything of the tasty goodies. “Seriously, you guys are making me a favor.” 

“Huh?” The man raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah! If not for this,” he gestured vaguely around the room, albeit it was clear he meant kidnapping, “I would’ve probably been married already.”

“Ah… And I guess the wedding wasn’t your idea.” It wasn’t a question. Deadshot (because he was the kidnapper if it wasn’t yet obvious) had some experience with runaway brides. Grooms escaping arranged marriage were rarer, but not unheard of. He used to take those tasks without remorse. At least until one time, when he tracked the bride, instead of an adult woman like usual, he found a pre-teenage girl. She couldn’t have been older than his own daughter at the time. 

Let’s just say that he failed to deliver that contract. Or any similar in the future. 

“Sir?” Adrien asked once he finished the meal.

“Yeah?”

“Could I get some more?”

“In a moment. Let what you ate settle down first.” He scolded him lightly, his parental instincts kicking in. “So, do you have any idea who might’ve wanted you kidnapped?”

“Not really… Only Marinette and Gerard cared about my opinion on this matter. And neither is the kind that would arrange a kidnapping.” He did his best not to think about his past as Chat Noir. No one but Ladybug knew, but his Lady wasn’t someone that would get involved with criminals. And even then, he doubted she could afford mercenaries. He always thought they were expensive. Could someone else figure out he used to be Chat Noir?

“Hm…” Lawton focused for a moment. “And what about The Seamstress? She is a completely new player that came out of nowhere. I suspected she might’ve had a personal connection to you. What about your father? Could someone want to get back at him? Especially someone with that name?”

“You do know what my dad does for the living?” Adrien deadpanned. 

“Yes, but did he anger someone? Enough that they would want to ruin him?” The man pressed. 

“It would be easier to list people he didn’t anger. My father is not… not the easiest to be around.” The light that was in the boy’s eyes just moments ago dimmed slightly. “Why are you asking all this?” He suddenly perked up and met the gaze of the mercenary. 

“Honestly, I really dislike the jobs involving kids. I thought that you were just another bratty teenage star that got his way with the wedding. A kid wanting to be treated like an adult. Now… now I can’t with clear conscience return you or deliver you.”

Adrien held back any witty remarks about hired gun having a conscience. “So… I’m living with you?”

“Sadly, no. I’m not around often enough and there is still a price on your head.” Lawton pulled out his phone and carefully read through something. “The more I think of it, the more it looks like you are not the most important part.”

That got Adrien’s attention. His own brain started to work overtime to get the meaning. “What?”

“The wording of the contract. ‘Grab from the wedding’, ‘possibility of further assignments’, ‘very public’… and the price is unreasonably high for such a simple task. It appears as if whoever The Seamstress is wanted a show. Like she wanted to recruit whoever brought you in. It appears as if she was setting up some sort of competition over who brings you to her.”

“But why me?” Adrien ran through ideas, but only him being Chat Noir would make sense in the long run. 

“Publicity. Your old man made sure the wedding was the event of the decade.” The merc simply shrugged. “If they wanted to announce their entrance to the big league, they would pick the biggest, most prominent target.” 

“Figured father is to blame…” Adrien grumbled before reaching into his pocket. “I… would like to call a friend of mine. To reassure her I’m safe.”

“She won’t run to the police?” Lawton was hesitant to allow it but also didn’t have the heart to tell him no. The kid was emotional wreck. And if his appetite was anything to go by, it was possible physical abuse was also there.

“Marinette wouldn’t do anything dangerous. She… I think she was trying to stop the wedding. Or delay it.”

“The girl that stood up shortly before the panic?”

“Yeah… She used… She’s a friend of mine. Probably the last true friend I have left.” 

“I see… Okay, call her. But make sure not to mention anything about me. Just in case.”

There was a moment of tense silence while Adrien waited for his friend to pick up. Finally, after the fifth signal, there was a rustle on the other side.

“Marinette Dupain-Cheng speaking. Who do I have the pleasure with?” She spoke almost mechanically. To someone who never met her before, it might’ve sounded sincere. To Adrien, it sounded like she was exhausted both physically and emotionally. He almost blamed himself, but at the last second shifted it all onto Lila and his Father. 

“Marinette!? Are you okay?” He asked, wanting to make sure there was nothing truly wrong.

“Adrien!? Adrien!” She immediately seemed to cheer up. “Where are you!? Are you okay? What happened? Did they hurt you? Are you safe?” She finally paused to take a breath. 

“I’m okay, Marinette. I might’ve sorta gotten myself kidnapped,” he realized how bad that sounded as the words left his mouth, “but it’s all okay! It’s better than it was!” He rushed to reassure her, albeit his method was not a hundred percent successful. 

“Are you safe?” Was the question she repeated. It sounded almost… guilty. To Adrien’s tired brain though, such subtle details were second to the question. 

“I’m probably good. Someone put a bounty on me, but it’s all about me being alive. It’s like whoever did it accidentally saved me from the wedding.” He chuckled a bit darkly, thinking about how much of a temper tantrum Lila must’ve been throwing since his disappearance.

“Call me back later, okay?” There was a sudden urgency that Adrien did pick on. “I have something that needs to be sorted out.”

“What’s happening?”

“Just my Maman is coming. She is knocking right now.” With that, she hanged up. Adrien relaxed. There was no danger. And even if there was, it probably just ran away to hide as Sabine Cheng came to town.

“Kid, you done?” Deadshot walked back into the room with another hamburger.

“Yeah. I feel much better now. Thanks for the opportunity.”

“Don’t sweat it. Listen… I can’t just keep you, but I called some friends of mine. They’re willing to help you. Well, she is. Her girlfriend is just going with it for her sake.”

Lawton carefully studied Adrien to see his reaction to mentioning the couple, but there was no visible reaction. He just watched the hamburger with a hungry gaze. 

-------

Elsewhere, an exhausted kwami flew out of the jewel. Hawkmoth was one step from tossing the jewel at the wall. 

“I don’t understand! He should be terrified by now! He was kidnapped! They wouldn’t kill him after going so long to kidnap him!”

“Maybe your powers aren’t as good as you’ve thought?” another voice spoke from the shadows. Lex Luthor walked into the center to join Gabriel Agreste.

“They didn’t have time to move him out of the city before I started the search. Not without magic and he said there was no magical travel to or from Gotham so far.” Gabriel paced around the room. 

“While you were playing with your precious jewels, I actually used some of my contacts. It appears that someone ordered a hit on your son. They wanted him kidnapped from the wedding.”

“What?!” Gabriel paused and glared at the other man.

“While I can’t stop it or even try to outbid them, I do know of one person I can convince to take this task. And she just happened to be coming to Gotham this very moment.”

“Fine. I want my son back, or our deal is off, Luthor.” 

“Don’t worry. He will see the Light soon.”

[mithliya]

if i said, "youre not a vegan if you eat meat" would you argue that this is me choosing "ideologically pure people who would be good enough for [my] cult" or is it perhaps just me saying you can't be a part of a group that you do not meet the definition for?

why do you take not being a radfem so personally? you can simply not be a radfem. its ok. no one will kill you for not being a radfem.

no one argued that to be a radical feminist you need to think every man is evil, or that you can't possibly participate in society. what was said is that to be a radical feminist, you need to take radical action in your life instead of just holding beliefs that you do not act on.

If the message is that radical feminists must uphold every tenant of ideology all the time, it will only push women away from learning more about it.

why do women have to call themselves radical feminists to learn about radical feminism? lmao. many of us have managed to learn about and interact with the ideology without claiming the radfem label ourselves. why is this so difficult and impossible for het-partnered women to do?

If you want an exclusive club, make one.

but if we do, you'll just beg to be let in anyways, so what's the point?

what about women who come to radical feminism after being married? Should they immediately divorce?

again, who is forcing her to be a radical feminist? she can enjoy her marriage and live her life and agree with radfem beliefs without pretending like she's a radical feminist. what world do you guys live in where you HAVE to be a radical feminist or else you will die?

Radblr is turning into transphobic choice feminism. "I can still be a radfem even though my behavior doesn't align with my beliefs" this is why it shouldn't be an identity so people can't claim its "ideological purity" to criticize them. It's not ideological purity to expect people to actually step up and abide by their beliefs. I don't understand why everyone is so tied to the idea of being a radical feminist. It's okay to just be a normal feminist if you don't take radical actions. Radical being root. Root being men. So its taking actions against the root aka men. It's not that hard people just hold onto this identity of being a radfem then complain the people criticizing them are playing identity politics. It's backwards. Spineless. Toothless. Watered down.

[campyvillain]

It's thabksgiving and this turkey is asking me abuot my marriage Help

the vegans were wrong we have to kill them all now.

[youngerdrgrey]

the only way to get over someone... // a Batwoman fic

About: SPOILERS FOR THE SEASON TWO FINALE / post-2x18 / season two finale — After the s2 finale, Ryan tries to be a good 'friend' to Sophie, but it does not go the way she planned (feat. an extended cut of the similar tastes in conversation).

Notes: Don’t read if you haven’t seen the finale. This picks up at the end of the Kate and Ryan scene, then continues on from there because my WildMoore heart wanted to. Under the cut because spoilers + read on ao3

Kate Kane is leaving, and Ryan might need some time to fully process that. Kate’s opposite her, comfortably seated on the corner of their desk. The beer bottle clinks against the edge of it as Kate covers her bases. The suit’s staying with Ryan.

Kate starts, “As for Mary and Luke….”

Ryan jumps in with a smile. “They are my family, and I am going to take care of them.” No questions asked. Though, with Luke and his new super suit, she will definitely have help in keeping their family safe.

“Thank you.” Kate smiles back at Ryan. “And Sophie?”

Not family. Not in the traditional sense, at least. She’s family-adjacent at best. She’s… she’s Sophie, the same person who ruined Ryan’s life and relationship multiple times, and the same person who helped Ryan build them both back up.

Ryan quirks her head from side to side. “Can I get back to you on that?” The repetition gets another grin out of Kate. Worry still shines in Kate’s eyes though. Ryan admits, “She’s saved me a lot more than she’s hurt me, so, I guess I can look out for her too.”

Kate sighs in relief. “Good. She’ll need it. She’s not invincible, Ryan. Mary told me all about the two of you going back and forth over Cluemaster. She’s tough, but Sophie’s a lot more fragile than she seems.”

Ryan has seen a bit of that. Sophie does her best to hide the cracks in her armor, but Coryana in particular stripped down a layer. Her fear for Jordan took another, even her concern for Ryan in these last few days wore at it. “And you’re about to break her heart.”

Kate nods. She seems so sure that looking for Bruce is the right move. Maybe that’s what a good trip of Snake Bite can offer: clarity. Not that Ryan’s interested in joining Kate on that other side.

“Help her through it?”

Ryan jokes, “I’ll make sure she finds a suitable rebound. There’s a pretty great lesbian bar here.”

Kate’s eyes twinkle. “Keeping it close to home?”

Ryan does not like the implication in that question. She redirects the conversation. “Call us every once in a while. And make sure to tell Mary how much you miss her. She won’t admit it, but she loves to hear it. And maybe text Parker too. That girl is so hungry for gay mentorship. And —”

“I get it. I will keep in contact.”

Ryan aims her beer bottle at Kate like a threat. “You better. Don’t make me come find you. I almost died the last time.”

But Sophie saved her then. Ryan can always do the same.

.

.

Sophie does not know what to do with herself now. There’s no guidebook on what to do when the love of your life comes back from the dead, then promptly leaves to search for her cousin. No FAQ with tips on how to handle making out with said love of your life either.

There’s a knock on her door. A hopeful part of her immediately thinks it’s Kate. Sophie will open the door, and Kate will drop down her duffel bag and helmet and say, “I’m not going anywhere.”

Sophie rushes to the door. Throws it open and — oh, of course. Ryan gives her an apologetic smile from the other side of it.

“I know I’m probably not who you want to see right now….” Ryan starts. Her arms shift around two resusable grocery bags with overflowing snacks and wine bottles. A backpack bumps them from her shoulder. She offers another smile. “I brought supplies. And I’m here to keep you company through the heartache and to take you up on your offer.”

That explains the backpack. Sophie checks, “Kate’s leaving tomorrow?”

Ryan nods. “Tonight’s her last night in the loft, and my only night crashing on your couch. If the offer still stands?”

She seems hopeful too, and nervous, like she’s bracing herself for Sophie to close the door in her face.

Sophie hasn’t exactly had any company at her place. Not since Julia. It wouldn’t hurt to have someone here tonight. Make her laugh, make her smile.

Sophie steps back to let Ryan in. Ryan glides forward. Sophie closes the door and leans back against it so she can watch Ryan take in the space.

Ryan does a full turn in the entrance. “Damn, you got it like this?” She whistles low in appreciation. Her platform converse pad along the hardwood flooring between the front door and the living room. It’s spacious with the most comfortable couch Sophie’s ever owned, her favorite coffee table, and a large TV, courtesy of a Black Friday sale two years ago. This place isn’t as nice as her old apartment with Tyler, but it’s still one of the nicer places that Gotham has to offer.

Ryan glances back at Sophie, and she realizes she should probably answer the playful question.

“I barely got it like this. Say what you want about my comphet marriage,” Sophie pushes off the door to approach Ryan in the living room, “the dual incomes made life a lot easier.” She winces. Any income. “I may have to downsize again now that I’m unemployed.”

Ryan sets her bags down on the coffee table. “Just work with Luke.”

Sophie’s eyebrows raise in confusion. “In real estate?”

Ryan gives Sophie an equally confused look. “He still daylights as Head of Wayne Security. If you work there too, it’ll make Bat stuff that much easier.”

Oh. “I… hadn’t thought about that.”

“Bat stuff or what comes next?” Ryan asks.

“Honestly? Any of it.” Sure, Ryan has called Sophie now that Sophie knows the truth. They’ve teamed up, and they really did a great job last night during the blackout. All signs point to Sophie officially being a part of the team. She simply doesn’t want to assume and get hurt in the process.

Ryan reads her silence and rolls her eyes. “Consider this your Bat Team orientation. We mostly work nights, though there are the occasional work trips. We went to a beautiful island this year for a company retreat.”

Sophie can play along. “I think I’ve been there. Shame about the fire.”

Ryan nods with a faux somber expression. “Beautiful sight, even if it did almost kill me. Oh, and we have full medical benefits, so long as you go to Mary and Mary alone. No overtime. No days off. But you get to make Gotham a better place.”

Sophie pretends to think it over. “Is there a uniform?”

“Only for me. The rest of the staff comes as they are.”

“Lucky them.”

Ryan pops the collar on her flannel shirt. “You should see me in my suit.” It fits Ryan in all the right places for being protective wear. Sophie will never say that though. Ryan’s cocky enough without being complimented.

Sophie eyes the bags. “So what’s the plan?”

Ryan perks up, their earlier bit forgotten. “Anything we want. I’ve got face masks —” She tugs them out to show Sophie. “Candy and snacks. Most of it’s vegan, so I can enjoy it too. I brought wine that I took from the bar. We can blast angry, pop music, or do sad girl karaoke. Ooh, you can call Kate a bitch again.”

“I called Circe a bitch,” Sophie clarifies.

Ryan waves that off. “She deserved it.”

“Well, she’s gone so….” Sophie shrugs because that is the point, isn’t it? She glances around her one bedroom apartment — the effects of her last break-up — and logs the empty spots on the walls where old art would’ve gone. There’s space on the bookshelves from the books Tyler took with him. After the divorce, Sophie had to physically sort through her life. What does she do now when there’s nothing to pack up, or send away?

Sophie admits, “I’ve never had another person for this. Though, Kate and I did have a better goodbye than we usually do.” Even saying that puts a little smile in the corner of Sophie’s lips.

Of course Ryan clocks it. “Oh, y’all had a good-bye then.”

Sophie’s smile gets bigger as she licks her lips. A very good bye. As the rest of the conversation filters back in, Sophie’s smile shrinks. “She wants me to go for something easier.”

Ryan hums in understanding. “Long distance isn’t great, especially when you have no idea where she’ll be.”

“Are we still talking about Kate?” Sophie asks. Angelique’s out there somewhere. Ryan spent the majority of their working relationship hating Sophie because of Angelique. If Ryan’s still hung up on her….

Ryan shrugs. “We’re all getting over someone. I am just much further along than you.”

Honestly, direct communication is not something Sophie is interested in right now. She doesn’t want to think about whether Ryan misses Angelique, or how much Sophie will miss Kate when the reality sets in. She doesn’t want to think about Imani, or the fact that Ryan has had a whole mini-relationship in these last few months while Sophie’s been frozen in grief and time.

“You know what they say, the best way to get over someone…” Sophie lets the sentence hang a moment as Ryan’s eyebrows inch higher and higher up her hairline. Sophie laughs before finishing, “is to watch a movie with a friend. You pick.”

The way Ryan’s face lights up with the power is absolutely worth whatever disaster will take up the next two hours of Sophie’s life. “Let me see what you got.”

.

.

As Sophie brings two glasses of wine over to the living room, Ryan puts a throw pillow on the ground and tells Sophie to sit on it.

“But the couch—”

“Is for me!” Ryan plops down with her feet on either side of the pillow. She looks like they’ve got church in the morning and the hot comb’s smoking on the tray beside her. “You know the set up,” Ryan says.

“True. Care to tell me why?” Sophie’s hair is fine.

Ryan’s nose quirks up the way it does when she needs to keep her emotions in check. She shrinks into her chest. “When I was sad, my mama used to play with my hair. She’d claim that she was oiling my scalp, but mostly, she ran her fingers through it. Gave me a little massage until I felt better, or went to sleep. I am willing to do that for you, if you want to actually relax.”

Relaxing does sound better than drinking a lot of wine and crying. Besides, Ryan studies Sophie’s face like she wants to find every crack and smooth it over. How could Sophie say no?

She sets the wine down and sits onto the pillow. Instinct takes over as she scoots back until her back’s to the couch and rests her neck against the side of the cushion. Ryan does a little happy dance that shakes the couch. She presses play on the movie, and Sophie watches the credits. She does. She sees that much for sure. But once Ryan slips her fingers into Sophie’s hair, Sophie tunes all the way out.

A light lavender scent hits her nose each time Ryan’s hands shift towards the crown of her head. Did Ryan put on a perfume, or is that an essential oil? Lavender’s meant to be calming. Soothing. Sophie wants to drown in it.

As Ryan massages her way along Sophie’s scalp, the world melts away. No pain, no drama, just a weightlessness that eases down her body and makes her want to cry. Her body sinks into the softness. The peace and stability of knowing hands and the right amount of pressure to send tingles through her skin. Then Ryan’s short nails get involved, lightly scratching, and Sophie barely bites down on a moan.

Ryan must still hear it. A little chuckle shakes the couch. She doesn’t comment thankfully. Sophie doesn’t have the energy to be embarrassed right now. Too lost in the feel of Ryan’s hands on her. If this is what Ryan can do with just Sophie’s head —

Sophie’s eyes fly open. She needs to get a grip.

Ryan’s fingers snake down to Sophie’s shoulders. Again, the only grip Sophie can focus on is Ryan’s. Sophie lasts another few minutes of this high before sighing out, “Marry me.”

She figures Ryan will laugh at that too. They’ve joked enough about dates, both in and out of the cowl. Ryan doesn’t even stop touching her. Ryan leans down rather than keeping the distance. The shift in position tightens her thighs on either side of where Sophie sits. She waits until her breath is a warm whisper against Sophie’s ear to let out the sexiest little laugh. Sophie genuinely stops breathing.

“If you think this is good, you’re not ready.”

In an instant, Sophie would really like to be. Ready, willing, anything and everything if it feels this good and Ryan stays this close to her. Her face is on fire as she turns her head to see Ryan. Fuck, Ryan’s lips are right there. Teasing and parted, and Ryan’s tongue dips out to wet them. Sophie drags her gaze up from Ryan’s lips to meet Ryan’s hooded, sparkling eyes. Oh she knows exactly what she’s doing to Sophie. She’s enjoying this.

Ryan’s voice still sounds teasing. “Watch the movie, Sophie.”

“I’ll watch what I want to watch,” Sophie shoots back.

Ryan takes that as the challenge it is. She holds the stare and kneads her thumbs into the backs of Sophie’s shoulders. Sophie’s eyelids flutter, and she struggles again to keep from audibly moaning. At least this time, she catches the little gulp Ryan does.

Ryan scoots back onto the couch, up to her full — albeit little — seated height. Sophie turns further, and she tries not to think too hard about looking up at Ryan from between Ryan’s legs. It must be on her face though since Ryan actually averts her eyes.

“Soph....” Ryan’s voice strains. “Stop it.”

“Stop what?” Ryan started it with that ‘if you think this is good’ comment. She is not putting this back on Sophie.

Ryan groans, flustered in a way that should not look as cute as it does. “You know what! You — we — just look over there.” She takes a hand off Sophie to point back at the TV. “I am trying to be a good friend right now. To both of you.”

And there goes the fun. Sophie turns back to the TV. She really has no idea what’s happening in this movie. She doesn’t want to ask either. They’re damn near fifteen minutes in. She’s not going back in the movie, or with life. She’s not going to break down over losing Kate again. She has no reason to. She’s spent more time with Ryan this week than she did with Kate. She’s fine.

Ryan clears her throat. “Talking with her today was, like, everything I’d imagined it would be. She’s funny and witty, and she has great taste in everything. Present company included. I can see why you’d love her. And why it would be easier to not try to deal with those feelings of loss all over again.”

Sophie drops her head back against the couch. Her ceiling’s not nearly as interesting to look at as Ryan. Or Kate. “Do we have to do this?”

“We’re not doing anything else so….” Her narrowed eyes say exactly what she means by ‘anything else.’

“There are other things, Ryan.” Besides giving in to the tension that flares between them, besides shifting an already unstable dynamic past its breaking point. Probably many, many times.

Ryan holds her hands together in her lap. “Well, you’re clearly not interested in the movie, so: your call. What does the great Sophie Moore want to do with her break up night?”

Sophie’s eyes dance as she gets up to kneel in front of Ryan. (Yes, Ryan glances at her through what looks like a haze of lust and concern. Yes, she blinks, and all that emotion slips back under the base gleam in Ryan’s eyes. No, Sophie does not want to think about how many times Ryan might’ve looked at her like this without ever noticing.)

“Well, Ryan Wilder, there is one thing that I have been dying to do.”

.

.

“You have to— Sophie, please listen before we end up falling.” Ryan glares up at Sophie. They’re standing on a building that Ryan says is the best jumping point to the Bat-roof. It’s lower down, which is probably why Sophie has never seen either of the Batwomen coming.

Ryan’s face is torn between excitement and dread at sharing her red and black baton with Sophie. She repeats for the third time which button to press to shoot the grappling hook, how to angle the body, and how to land so they don’t fall off the roof.

“I’m listening,” Sophie swears. She adjusts her stance so her feet are wide like Ryan instructed. She angles her body towards the other roof — their roof. She takes a steadying breath and gently plucks Ryan’s hand off the other end of the baton.

Ryan steps in to wrap her arms around Sophie’s waist. “You have to brace yourself for landing. And please do not let go of me. I’m holding on, but—”

“I won’t let go,” Sophie assures her. She wraps her left arm around Ryan and holds tight to the baton with her right. Okay, another steadying breath, and she jams her thumb into the button. The wire flies out, and in a breath, they soar up through the air. Wind whips around them, and Ryan squeezes so tight that her face is nearly in Sophie’s chest.

For her assurances, Sophie does not stick the landing. She stumbles the moment the wire ends, and Ryan stumbles with her. Both of them clatter onto the Bat-roof with a groan and a laugh and a tangle of limbs that ends with them side by side on the roof’s floor.

The air around them is quiet and warm and still has a hint of the smoke from all the fires in Gotham yesterday. Sophie has the fleeting thought that it might be easier with Ryan than she ever expected. What ‘it’ is, well, Sophie blinks that away.

She props herself up on her elbows. “Can we go again?”

Ryan laughs. “No recovery period with you.”

Sophie gets up and offers her hand to Ryan, who takes it without hesitation. She tugs harder than she needs to. Ryan pops up with little more than a breath between them. She uses her free hand to tuck Ryan’s hair behind her ear. Lets her finger trail down Ryan’s neck.

Sophie whispers, “Oh, Wilder, you have no idea.” Ryan’s dramatic groan of reply makes Sophie laugh harder than she has all day. "Come on, round two."

Ryan pouts as Sophie heads for the stairs. Ryan points out, "I normally just jump off."

"What's the rush?" Sophie holds the door open for Ryan to come with her. "We've got all the time in the world."

/

/

a/n: We made it through season two, and I love these two so much. What about you?

[borealnyx]

MASH season 3 thoughts

Putting my first impressions notes after each episode because i have lost control of my life. And i need my opinions on this show to be heard apparently

klinger deserves a some like it hot plot where he accidentally seduces a general, and thats his actual way out of the war. Also trapper seems to be embracing the jimmy buffet way of life, love that for him.

love hawkeye’s “fuck the army im a doctor“ energy in this one. i find the trapper/margaret thing interesting. at least she is showing some taste improvement. also hello beloved japanese actor Mako. nice to see you.

the spy asshat is back, and i can’t say i missed him. why bring this guy back when we could have pat morita :(  radar is in the top of the disgruntled little boy game and hes very cute about it

i cant believe that downton abbey ripped off mash.i know margaret has issues, but fucking the first old man she sees is just not the way to solve them. i like that we see hawk, margaret and trapper working together. BFFS WHEN??

this one some fucked up content. it’s fucked up that henry is excited about war medicine, that frank almost killed a guy, and that hawkeye had to give a succesful heart massage for the guy to die regardless. as an aside, frank confirmed as the grandfather of randall from recess.

klinger and radar episode hell yeah!!! im fascinated by the gender implications of klinger getting married in a dress. im also fascinated by how much everyone fucks. we need the horniness back to tv

1 maargaret is a fucking lesbian. 2 her and hawkeye have the definition of mlm wlw hostility and im here for it. 3trapper is a fucking himbo. 4 when they said goodbye to eachother it made me sad.

henry blake is a fucking hypocrite. you almost ruined your marriage way more times, relax. father mulcahy seems chill. and the bit with hawk and trapper riding a white horse was some romance novel bullshit.

they are all going to be so fucked up in the head when they get out. there are multiple characters saying that they need to drink to cope!!!

everyone is so horny and fucking so much, bless! ”knowing youll kill me makes my life worthwhile“GIRL GET HELP. franks wife looks like someone i would be friends with. frank burns unwilling lesbian magnet confirmed

i like  when the funny guy gets angry and a little bit insane. i too would try to start a revolution for good food.and he didnt even get to eat it. the injustice of it all

weird how the turkish guy is insane and violent and the luxemburgian guys are very civiliced. weird how that happens. and the radar is a nevernude saga continues. whay are you trying to hide my man?

radar is so proud of his little zoo i love him. the anti puberty pills joke has confirmed my radar is a trans guy hc. the joke of asian people eating dog was incredibly unnecesary.and the part about the ptsd kid is weird because they understand the severity of it, but they lack the vocabulary.

radar continues to be the cutest even tho he is being a real #vegan about the lamb thing. and trapper continues his slow transformation into jimmy buffet.

nurse sanchez ilu. the tact that nothing is happening in the trapper/margaret front is interesting. she obviously wants to, but she doesnt because thats not the kind of woman she thinks she should be. because shes just performing femeninity, and also i might be proyecting a bit

margaret is so nasty when shes angry. i love her so much. kick franks ass baby,i got you. and who doesn’t want to kiss klinger?? the whole picnic thing was wholesome.

so war is hell, and even when you think you are prepared for it, you are not. the fact that all that is happening  to the father of the main actor connot possibly have implications

FINALLY!!a nurse over 30!!!i know that the joke is that she is flirting while being ugly, but look at her go!! love that the whole camp went out of their way to accomodate hawkeyes. we love a united front against frank burns.

margaret monolgue!!i knew you have gender issues girl!!! i was informed that this was a comedy but i think there has been a mistake. either way i love when hawkeye and margaret are besties

Ah, prostitution, the classic topic of many comedies. at the very least they balance it with asian people who are regular people tryin to live their lives

if theres something i appreciate in this show is the refusal to take the people in power seriously.  but where the hell does klinger get the material for his dresses??? he got a liberty statue awfully fast

lesbian nurse in the poker game, you have my heart. henry and trapper are both so dumb in this. i know its humilliating to be bad babes but you can just not play

oh no flagg is back. and frank fantasices about being a woman to be with him.... ok yeah, sure? nice of henry to grow a backbone.after so long

i had something thoughtful to say, but now its just

FUCK NO