#A lot of my mutuals talk very often and openly about their fandoms and stuff

[fuckwhoeverpickedallthefunnyurls]

Were you the one who sent me an ask that said they're so confused about what fandoms i'm in?

You are person in my phone and I am under no circumstances required to answer you. Please stop pointing the light at me.

[gaawachan]

Critical Role 135 Discord Convo (Topic: Shipping?)

Some pre-convo context: This conversation meandered a bit so there's a lot of stuff that may turn up in other conversations later; it was really late and so a lot of things were only briefly touched on.

Me: You know... people are gonna freak out if LoB doesn't just cave and romance Essek at this point. If he wasn't planning on doing so then his roleplay during the past few episodes is gonna cause backlash, I think.

Sibling: I think he was on the fence and then Matt was like, "Okay, I have to push this because I currently have plans to make Astrid a victim of Trent and/or the big bad of Caleb's arc."

Me: Certainly feels that way, lol.  Matt's definitely the one that's been doing the pushing post-boat scene.

Sibling: Pretty much-- Matt has kept Essek near Caleb for every moment that he can

Me: (Caleb did tell Essek to stay close, lol) But in the past couple of episodes Liam's gone back to reciprocating. If he isn't planning on shipping it, he shouldn't do that.

Sibling: Despite Lucien's eyes. Oh for sure. I think he is though. Why else would LoB post stuff like *examples of LoB's twitter activity*? He doesn't egg on Astrid/Caleb shippers lol

Me: That's true.

Sibling: Plus, Essek is purple.

Me: Of course we weren't in the fandom when Vaxmore happened and then dropped, so we don't know if Liam did the same thing with that ship.

Sibling: God I hope not... C'mon, give us a bit of beeg yoshi

Me: Having watched half of season 1, I can say that there was way, waaaaaaaay less tension and such between Vax and Gilmore. Vax liked Shaun a lot, and Shaun was in love with Vax... but they had nothing in common, they didn't have any real theme/plot/setting/interest ties or anything. Just a vanilla relationship, like, they went out on lunch dates.

Sibling: It's funny because OTHER non-shippers came onto that ship-positive trend and started talking about Vaxmore and how more "real" it was. And I'm like, I feel like slow-burn romances are far more "real" than people hopping on each other as soon as that they get a chance (COUGH COUGH BEAUYASHA I'M SORRY COUGH). Don't disparage lunch dates, btw; there's nothing gayer than that.

Me: No, don’t get me wrong, I was actually about to post that "I can see why people like that because it feels realistic" The bigger problem with Vaxmore was simply that they didn't see Gilmore very often.  I think Liam would have been more interested in continuing that ship if Gilmore had not been... well, the Pumat Sol of the campaign.  Just not very relevant.  This isn't the case for Essek; he is THE npc of this campaign, basically. He's more involved than any other NPC in either season. Side note: if C1 and C2 had happened concurrently, I'd have totally shipped Gilmore with Mollymauk.

Sibling: OH TOTALLY

Me: Lol

Sibling: Essek and Caleb have many interests in common, and Liam has CANONIZED Caleb's attraction to him, both intellectually and physically. They have expressed a desire to spend time together, platonically? to improve their craft. They have worked to improve with each other, speak with each other in a way that they don't with others-- not even people they're supposedly closer to. Essek has had a turn of his morals BECAUSE of Caleb's actions... What do other ships in this season have? Caleb and Astrid; they have shared misery and a past that stains ALL of their interactions. Maybe there is love left, but it would need a TON of work, and she is never onscreen long enough for that to be established. There's not really any tension aside from the viewers' "is this a villain" tension. Not even the dance felt good, it was transactional and there to hide information being exchanged and then they LEFT. Caleb and Eodwulf; Caleb said his forearms were hot, lol? But Eodwulf has even less time than Astrid, and hasn't even really piqued the rest of the cast's interest, in spite of Caleb's history with him. Caleb and Jester; Might have worked if JESTER WAS EVER INTERESTED IN HIM. AND SHE NEVER WAS AND STILL ISN'T. She was smitten with Fjord the moment she started projecting him onto Tusk Love lol. Caleb and Nott; I'm not touching this one Non-Caleb ships are like: Fjord and Jester; Sweet, predictable, pretty much how I pictured it being when it became canon. Jester being exactly the same and Fjord being openly affectionate. Maybe some priorities being changed around. Beau and Yasha; I'm NGL, I feel like they're together... because they're lesbians? And not because they actually have much in common aside from that? It's sweet, but if we're speaking purely from a like... chemistry standpoint? This one falls on its face. But, no, I'm sorry. Just because Caleb isn't literally devouring Essek's face whenever he's on screen  (though he slobbers like he wants to whenever Essek uses Dunamancy), doesn't mean that the ship is "invisible". It's invisible to people who are only used to overt ships I guess But I'm sorry, I need to go back through and make a "Caleb slobbers over Essek doing magic" compilation. Because it doesn't exist yet, and yet it happens all the time lol And people are like "where attraction" RIGHT THERE, GUYS

Me: Speaking of Jester, actually.  Jester's funny because early on she actually did tease/flirt with Caleb quite a bit... but then she stopped doing it.  When?  I'd say it happened right around the same time Caleb started having feelings for her, imo, after their waltz, when he said Astrid's name.  Jester and Fjord were caged together in the Sour Nest and I think that, followed by the Fjord/Avantika arc, really sealed the deal for where her interests went.  Also, Jester and Nott wrote that letter to Astrid, so by that point I think it's pretty safe to say that Jester not only was not interested in Caleb; she wasn't even interested in teasing/lightly flirting with him anymore. Also Caleb eyescrews Essek a lot... so yeah what are these people smoking?  Even LoB, who has been wishy washy about the ship, has been pretty upfront about Caleb's interest in Essek.

Sibling: I don't think Widojest people want Caleb to be with someone happy and who makes him happy. Essek is not a happy man but Caleb's mood certainly seems to brighten whenever he shows up.

Me: I mean, there IS chemistry between Caleb and Jester but the issue is that the two characters view each other completely differently. She just doesn't see him that way. The other half of the equation is that Caleb tends to treat Jester as being more than just the cutesy trickster and a lot of the other cast members haven't really shown that? They tend to undermine her a lot actually. It's most obvious with respect to the Traveler. Caleb actually respects her relationship with Artagan. Other members of the group just hate him and have made it clear to her that they feel that way.  That includes BOTH Fjord and Beau. Like if you compare the conversations she had with Fjord and with Caleb on Rumblecusp, it's night and day, but it doesn't matter because she just doesn't view Caleb as a prospective partner at all. She tends to frame their relationship in the same way several of the characters in the party frame their dynamics with Caleb. "I want to help him but I have no idea what the fuck to say or do."  She'd still above average compared to the group at doing so but that's because of her mother's influence, not because she has feelings for him. Ngl, if I WERE to ship Caleb with someone other than Essek at this point I think I would pick Jester just because they have a mutual respect for each other. Oh oh here's an example. Okay, so Caleb's room for Jester in the tower right? It's very similar to her childhood room, but he deliberately "adults" it up, because he respects her as an adult. What was Fjord's gift to her in Rexxentrum? A child's toy.  A unicorn statue. And that's cute and all, but... uh...

Sibling: A little infantilizing?

Me: Yes exactly, and it's the same way he behaves about her relationship with Artagan. One could easily argue that Fjord treats Jester sort of like she's the pixie girl stereotype, but that's just surface-level stuff about Jester. You'll notice that Fjord and Jester's conversations tend to lean cutesy and immature, but when Jester talks with Caleb, it's very often a thoughtful and deeper conversation, so I DO see why people ship it.

Sibling: I mean, but that's my problem with it. Maybe it's better than Fjorjester, but Liam doesn't lick his lips every single time Jester breathes too hard.

Me: Lol. Personally I think that part of the problem is that 1) Travis isn't comfortable with doing romance, and Fjord is awkward af, and 2) Jester/Laura has tried to get him to talk with Jester on a deeper level and it hasn't really been successful, and she's let some opportunities slip by, but Liam rarely passes up the opportunity to have a deeper conversation with other players, so he ends up having more serious conversations with Jester simply because Liam seeks out those conversations.

Sibling: Well Liam loves character romances. It's why his second character left as many options open to him as possible lol. It's the stark difference between Liam and Travis. Travis is only comfortable romancing his wife fictionally lol. Liam loves the way you can reexamine a character and reshape their ending with those choices and I think he's way more willing to just go "screw it, my character is horny AF for this wizard boy, what are you going to do Matt?" "my character is also horny for my party member, but it's probably unrequited, but I'm going to stick with it for character depth"

Me: Seriously though  go back and rewatch the Rumblecusp conversations Jester had with Fjord and with Caleb.  You could SEE it in Jester.  Fjord was NOT saying anything she wanted or needed to hear.  I thought she actually looked pretty hurt.

Sibling: Oh, I remember being like "well that was deflating" and it's why she kept asking people. She's looking for answers, and pretty much everyone pussyfooted around it becawuse she's such a cuwuty.

Me: Yes, props to Caleb for stepping up, even though he didn't give her the answer she wanted either. That's precisely the problem with her dynamics with other characters. They're too busy fawning over how cute she is and trying to shield her to get to anything much deeper.

Sibling: Whereas Caleb thought of her as a woman- someone he really liked, from... like super early on.

Me: Oddly the end result is that the non-stop shielding of Jester has inhibited Laura's ability to grow Jester as a character. Which has to be frustrating as a player.

Sibling: I think it probably has been. Especially because I think she wanted to explore how being in a romance would change her. She even hinted to that way earlier: "That's not at all how love is depicted in the books we read..." "You mean the porn books we read?"

Me: The character is rarely challenged and hasn't really been forced to change.  She has changed in that she's matured from experience, but it's subtle and it isn't really acknowledged much. Nothing screamed this more than the climax of Traveler-con, where she was staring down the barrel of a monumental life-change and her cutesyness somehow convinced the planetar to be like... "fine, bye." Even MATT regretted that decision in the Talks afterward.

Sibling: Oh for sure! She just gets everything and you know what sucks? I think LAURA wanted Artagan to be taken. It would have devastated Jester but it would have forced her to change.

Me: Well actually, Laura said that she was going to offer to worship the Moonweaver instead of the Traveler if it meant she'd spare him punishment. When she said that, Matt's whole face just dropped; he was so upset that he wasted that opportunity, but that's the cost of treating Jester like she needs coddling. It's like... bro... she ax murders people... come on.

Sibling: She burns people to death with sacred flame and gets people lost in the woods by messing with road signs.

Me: She's been tortured and barely shows the trauma of it at all (can't believe that went unaddressed btw)... She can handle pushback... Like again, Caleb. Early on she butted heads with Caleb because she's a spoiled rich kid, but you'll notice that after offending him like that?  She never did it again.

Sibling: Because she's a good person capable of introspection and changing her behavior to help people.

Me: It's a small thing but Jester actually became a better person precisely because Caleb didn't handle her with kid gloves.

Sibling: That even ties back to her dropping her flirting when "Astrid" was brought up.

Me: Yep

Sibling: ... Shadowgast is still better.

Me: Yep. I don't hate widojest and I think that of all the jester pairings it's probably the best, but of all the Caleb pairings Shadowgast is best.

Sibling: I mean, Shadowgast is best even by virtue of like... who else would you pair Essek with that he could still stick around the party for? He's only interested in Caleb lol. That's not to say he doesn't LIKE the rest of the cast, but back to the deep conversations thing...

Me: I've seen some people shipping Widojessek, lol.

Sibling: There's really only one person (and one group chat) where he had those sorts of opening up moments. Poor Fjord- just got a GF and people are already cucking him.

Me: Lol. Oh, man... Caleb and Essek really need to talk about the assembly. Specifically Caleb's past and what Essek's dealings with them were like in more detail.

Sibling: Matt tried to lol and Caleb was like "yeah okay i got plans, but also paper"

Me: Essek needs to be more direct because Caleb doesn't WANT to talk about it.

Sibling: He can't, he's a wizard. No melee attacks, emotionally or verbally.

Me: Well, the issue is that Essek prods at Caleb's goals, which are nebulous (so Caleb really can't give a satisfactory answer, and he also can't answer without talking about his past first).  And when he prods about Caleb's past, he's too indirect.  He needs to directly ask about Caleb's past FIRST if he wants more information about Caleb's goals.

Sibling: The next time they're in the tower (which I fear won't be for a while) Essek literally needs to be like "I'm drowning in guilt, you need to tell me about what I was involved with so I can manage it" He'd probably give him a few crumbs lmao.  If Essek makes it about himself, Caleb is less likely to close up.

Me: Yes, that is exactly how Essek needs to frame it. "I don't have a full understanding of the nature of the people I gave power to.  I know now that they're more terrible than I thought, but not exactly how. I think that in order to fully grasp what I have done, I need to know more about them." It's pretty blatant bait but Caleb would probably be convinced by it anyway.

Sibling: Oh for sure. Caleb can't exactly run away from that either; he's too chicken to flee from conversations. He freezes and either spills or clams up.

Me: At this point, there's really no GOOD reason to NOT tell Essek about his past. There's nothing to lose from it, and a decent amount to gain; it could turn Essek actively hostile towards the Assembly rather than keeping him cowering in Eiselcross.

Sibling: He's uncomfortable with it (trauma will do that) Doesn't want to get sidetracked (Essek told him not to) Haven't had a good time to do so (no privacy) Doesn't want Essek to distance himself from him (most likely)

Me: This is true, but he's already told the people who he least wanted to tell (Jester and Caduceus) ... Actually, my suspicion is...

Sibling: And neither of them pulled away from him-- eh? Me: ... that Caleb doesn't want to tell Essek because he's worried that Essek will, well... uh, treat him like a child. Caleb was so young, and telling the story of his past also means admitting that he's 11 years younger than he appears. And there is some amount of Caleb's view of his past that is irrational and he chafes viciously whenever someone tries to downplay his culpability by pointing out his age at the time.

Sibling: I think he already has. Don't try to tell me about how not patronizing that "Young Man" line was lol. It was meant in good faith but... I think Caleb does the abuse victim "the idea of ever being young and vulnerable again is terrifying" thing pretty convincingly. It's also sort of a rewind back to his respect for someone who seems outwardly childish, but is an adult whose choices need to be respected.

Me: There is another matter which... Well, Caleb is slowly coming to terms with his status as a victim (veeery slowly) but I think if Essek were to learn about his past, and taking into account their different cultural perspectives on age, Essek might have a hard time not reacting more in line with Beau/Nott's initial reactions to the full tale.  Beau said she thought it was nothing to be ashamed of (and Caleb started laughing hysterically) and then Nott just full-on denied that any of it was his fault (which is completely at odds with his own belief), and since Essek's gut reaction to hearing the story is probably going to be something like "Trent is a baby torturer" ... That's not an easy thing for Caleb to stomach.

Sibling: And yes, Essek will absolutely have that reaction because at that age humans are still fetuses to him.

Me: This brings me to my final point. Caleb may be worried that Essek learning all of this and thinking that way will damage Essek's ability to see Caleb as his mirror. He may view it as a threat to the life-line he threw Essek that night in Nicodranas.

Sibling: And then it's not about bettering each other... It's about Essek being alone again and Caleb being alone.

Me: However, Essek's insistence that he is sure nothing Caleb has done could compare to what Essek has done does mitigate that risk significantly.  It's just a matter of whether or not Caleb can see that and Essek can be pushy enough to get him to crack.

Sibling: I know Essek has it in him. He can forsake his country's precious artifacts to an opposing nation, he can push his BF to open up to him about his problems. Caleb, on the other hand, has been exceedingly fragile... since you know... GOING BACK TO THE ASYLUM, so I don't know if he's in a state to have that discussion, but if they don't have it soon, by the time Essek talks to him again Trent will probably be dead.

Me: Caleb is pretty blatant about his compartmentalization and deflection.  He feels it's necessary in the current circumstance with the Tomb Takers, but somebody really needs to step up after Lucien's taken out and talk to Caleb about this stuff.  Essek would be ideal because Caleb could benefit the most from Essek's perspective, I think, but really... anyone other than Veth is better than nothing. Going back to the Asylum was very obviously a severe triggering event and NO ONE TALKED ABOUT IT. Like, jfc, guys, Beau is right.  She asked if Caleb was even capable of working alongside Trent, and Caleb said yes (if he thought it was necessary), but we all, WE ALL know that he can't.  Not after that disaster.

Sibling: Especially because both Veth and Jester saw him go straight into "OH GOD WE'RE GOING TO DIE, HE'S HERE AND WE'RE GOING TO DIE, I'M GOING TO KILL HIM BEFORE HE HURTS ANYONE" and they were like "he can probably handle this"

Me: He was already borderline in that headspace BEFORE Trent showed up.

Sibling: And then afterward, he went straight into a dangerous self-destructive spiral. Like... I know we've said this before but thank GOD for that failed persuasion check.

Me: That nat 1 was poetry on so many levels. On a meta level the sheer luck of it was a delight, but within the context of the story I think it was great that Essek is just like... "No.  I am not crossing this line, not even for you."

Sibling: It worked narratively, meta-narratively, and saved Matt from having to draw up a bunch of ambush situations made by Volstruckers when Trent inevitably backstabbed them.

Me: Can you imagine poor Matt trying to play the Tomb Takers, Trent, Astrid, Wulf, and Essek... AND Charlie/Devexien?

Sibling: He already forgets to play Essek, and he only had a few NPCs to deal with.

Me: Even purely from a gameplay standpoint, can you imagine all the loot they Nein would lose in Aeor if they had brought scourgers with them? What if they found that dunamis machine?

Sibling: EXACTLY.

.

Convo ended here, but I had some more thoughts.  It was just too late to keep talking.  For example, I like FjordxJester and BeauxYasha.  I think they are actually complicated relationships but they just haven't really had the room to be deeply explored/examined, for example.  I also did not go into nearly as much detail about my thoughts on VaxxShaun as I would have liked to mostly because that ship wasn't the point of the discussion. ... oh god how do I even tag this?

[waterisntreal]

Why Reggie being bisexual matters so much to me

Ok so I’m just going to rant right now because I really want to talk about this. Also, this is sort of branching off of a reblog of one of @redhoodparker‘s posts.

First off, I believe that it is important to establish that I am bisexual. However, for  many years I tried to convince myself that I wasn’t, but not for the reason you might think. When I was 12 I came out as a lesbian. I didn’t want to admit to myself that I liked guys because I was scared that liking guys made me less queer and that I couldn’t actually like girls if I liked guys too. So I just convinced myself that I didn’t. This worked until about sophomore year of high school. I had just gone through some very traumatic stuff including a suicide attempt and that year I only shared lunch with one of my friends. Every day my friend and I would closer and start talking about more personal topics. One day she was talking to me about our other mutual friend that idenifies as bisexual and how that friend had told her that she liked girls and was attracted to them but she wasn’t sure if she would actually date one and I told my friend that I felt a similar way about guys, even though I would now say I would definitely date a guy. This was the closest I had gotten to even considering liking guys in 3 years and it caused me to think more about my sexuality and all the times I made up excuses for myself when I had a crush on a guy. I slowly began to accept that I liked guys, but there was still a part of me that felt ashamed about it and felt like coming out as bisexual after coming out as lesbian was invalidating queer people and showing that gay people can be “turned straight”. It wasn’t until I was 16 that I was able to move past these feelings enough to come out to my friends, however I still haven’t come out to my family, for frame of reference I am currently 17. Depsite coming out to my friends I still feel guiltly and ashamed for liking guys. Every time I find a guy cute I feel guilty, every time my favorite character is a guy I feel guilty, every time I find a new artist that is a guy I feel guilty. 

As a society we are taught to live in black and whites because it is much easier to simplify people when there are only two options. It’s every thing is put into a simple binary system. Do you like cats or dogs? Do you like hamburgers or hotdogs? Are you a loser or a popular kid? Are you smart or stupid? Yes or no? Are you gay or straight? Are you a boy or a girl? Do you like boys or girls? The keyword in all of those questions is or. We are taught that every option is mutually exclusive, that you can never choose both. Due to this I constantly question my sexual orientation because there is still a part of me that doesn’t fully understand that I can choose both. So I feel ashamed when I like guys because I feel like I’m betraying the part of me that likes girls and especially other queer people. Some queer do see that way too, as a betrayal. When you hear about bisexual dating people of the opposite sex and it is always seen as them being in a “straight” relationship or as them finally picking a side. 

Even within fandom culture saying that a character is bi is usually done as excuse for people to ignore the character’s feelings for the opposite sex and just continue to ship them. I hear the phrase “they could always be bi” a lot and it is almost always said to explain away the character’s behavior towards to opposite sex. The behavior and feelings towards the opposite sex is almost always seen as less than, as being too straight, or unwanted. People will often say that a character is bisexual not because they actually believe them to be or because they want to explore that possibility but because they want the character to queer and they need an excuse as too why the character likes to opposite sex. Now that being said I do not believe that is what is happening with Reggie. 

Reggie is bisexual. I believe that despite it never being explicitly stated it is canon. As it is the most obvious conclusion one can make from watching the show. He dresses and acts in a way that fits in with common stereotypes about bisexual and he has expressed interest in both girls and guys. Many people believe that Reggie is bisexual not just because of a ship or because they want another queer character, though there are people who do, but because he acts like he is bisexual. Reggie’s sexuality exists outside the sphere of shipping, though it a contributing factor. There are people who believe that Reggie is bisexual not because the ship him Luke or Alex but because he just is. It is nice to see a character being viewed as queer for more than just the sake of a ship.

Now that being said I would very much appreciate it if the show not only explicitly said that he was bisexual but also actually explored both sides of his sexuality. I want Reggie to like guys, I want Reggie to talk about guys, I want Reggie to date guys, but I also want him to do all those things with girls. I don’t want the show to just say he’s bisexual and then have him date a guy for the rest of the show because isn’t what bisexuality is. That type of thing is what made me feel ashamed for liking guys because I felt like I should just go date some girl. I love Ruke (Reggie/Luke) as much as the person if not more but I would honestly be really happy if Reggie ended up with no one next season, at least not anyone permanent, or even a girlfriend but they still explore his feelings towards guys. Reggie’s bisexuality is especially important because this is technically a kid’s show. Children are very impressionable and it is important to teach them things when they are young. Therefore, seeing a bisexual character that openly likes both genders, not just boys and not just girls, will hopefully make it so any bi kids watching won’t end up like me and think that they have to choose one or the other. 

I know that Reggie being bisexual is very accepted within this fandom but I also want people to know that this more than just having another queer character in the show. Reggie being bisexual is important to me because he is bisexual, not queer, not gay, bisexual. I hope that seeing a bisexual person openly love both genders will help me finally believe that liking guys isn’t something I should feel guilty about that it is ok and natural and normal that there is nothing wrong with me.

[nikibogwater]

Bogwater’s Guide to Writing Platonic Relationships

Have a seat, dears, pour yourself a mug of cocoa, and let’s talk about writing for a bit. Specifically, writing emotionally intense, compelling relationships that are completely devoid of any romantic tension.

“Niki, those don’t exist! The only relationships that are truly intense and compelling are the romantic ones! Everybody knows that!”

*gently bonks you on the head with my magic scepter* NO. This is a common misconception that is perpetuated by media and especially fandom culture. And it stems from this bizarre idea that emotional intimacy must always equate with romantic intimacy. I have no idea where this idea got its start, but if you ask literally anybody who has experienced real, genuine friendship in their life, they will tell you it’s absolute nonsense. Just because you’re not doing the kissy-kiss with someone, that doesn’t mean you’re not emotionally intimate with them.

“But I don’t want any emotional intimacy without the kissy-kiss! It’s boring!” 

Yeah, so, there’s a reason platonic relationships in modern media often feel less interesting than romantic ones, and it’s precisely because of what I said above. Media producers and many fic authors are skittish about showing platonic love with the same level of depth and emotional intensity as romantic, so it often ends up being somewhat watered down and simplified, to the point that it becomes a less interesting relationship. The only thing this does is perpetuate the idea that any and all emotional intimacy immediately implies romantic attraction (it does not) while also devaluing the very real importance of genuine friendship/familial bonds. 

“Okay, but what if I just like romance better?”

That’s your personal preference, and that’s okay! Everybody has their favorite genres and tropes that resonate with them more than others. My personal favorite is Family, Found or otherwise (with a healthy dose of Hurt/Comfort on the side), but I can totally understand if romance speaks to you more. HOWEVER. This does not excuse writers and other content producers from low-key asserting that romantic relationships are objectively “better” than platonic ones. Hard fact of life: Nobody needs to experience romance, and even those who do experience it do so in different ways. But everybody does need to have emotional connections with other people through the bonds of friendship and family. Believe it or not, romantic love is not a universal experience. Platonic though? Everybody knows that one, and everybody needs it to be happy. To devalue it as a whole is to impose a toxic mindset that forces people to experience relationships in a very narrow and restrictive way.

Okay--*steps off my soap box and kicks it to the side*--now that we’ve established that friendship is important and should be given the same value that society gives to romance, let’s talk about a few ways to write intense and compelling platonic relationships!

Emotional Intimacy:

I’ve talked about this a lot already, but just in case some of you are confused, emotional intimacy is just when two people have a very deep familiarity and understanding of each other. They understand how the other’s mind works, and feel comfortable opening up to each other about their own stuff. Obviously, this is very important for any relationship, platonic or romantic, but writers will often limit such familiarity between characters to the romantic relationships. The first step to writing an interesting friendship is to not do that. Show that your platonic soulmates understand each other and are vulnerable with each other. Here are some easy ways to do that:

Character A knows all of Character B’s personal preferences--likes and dislikes, including small things like food, flowers, music, etc. 

A can finish B’s sentences for them. 

A is willing to talk about their feelings when B asks if they’re okay.

A and B trust each other and know the other always has their back

A and B will occasionally reference events in their shared history and even have inside jokes

A will seek B out for comfort when they are upset.

A and B almost never miscommunicate--they know what the other means when they say something, and will immediately notice if the other is acting strange.

A and B can communicate with each other silently, via subtle looks, eye movements, or gestures.

Selflessness:

To quote a grossly over-marketed Disney franchise, “Love is putting someone else’s needs before yours.” This is the simplest and also most accurate definition of love I’ve come across, and it is universal to all kinds of relationships. So in order to make your platonic relationship compelling, you need to show that the characters are willing to make sacrifices for each other--even big ones. Make sure this is a mutual exchange between both characters, because otherwise you risk making the relationship look a bit toxic. Here are a few of my favorite examples of selflessness between friends/family:

Character A willingly puts themselves in harm’s way in order to protect Character B.

A is always ready to drop what they’re doing and come to B’s assistance. 

A and B regularly do small favors for each other without being asked. 

A is always mindful of B’s needs and makes sure they’re taken care of.

A and B always do their best not to hurt each other, either physically or emotionally. 

A is openly very worried whenever B is in danger and stops at nothing to help them.

Affection:

This is the part where most writers balk when writing platonic relationships. “They can’t touch each other!!! That’s sexy and weird!!!” No, it’s not. This idea that any and all signs of affection are exclusive to romantic relationships is toxic, and we need to wipe it from existence. Obviously there are different levels of physical intimacy, and some absolutely are exclusive to romantic relationships. Here’s a list of No-Gos if you want to keep a relationship completely platonic:

Kissing on the lips/mouth/neck.

Gazing deeply and silently into each other’s eyes for long periods of time for no other reason than to simply Gaze.

Doing the Do or otherwise touching each other in an explicitly sexual way (I feel like this one should be pretty obvious. Also wth guys, that stuff is grooooosssssssss 🤢)

Honestly those are the only ones that I can think of that are always exclusively romantic. Everything else requires pre-established context in order to be taken as such. So here’s a list of affectionate gestures that are totally safe for established platonic relationships!

Little forehead/cheek kisses.

Hugs--yes, even prolonged ones. Sometimes friends/family just want to hold each other for a while, and not in a sexy way. 

Holding hands.

Leaning on each other.

Playing with each other’s hair or gently petting it in order to offer comfort.

Sleeping next to each other when circumstances require it (and neither of them makes any fuss over it)

Saying “I love you.” STOP MAKING THIS AN EXCLUSIVELY ROMANTIC THING, PLEASE, FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THAT IS PURE IN THIS WORLD!

Touching foreheads (my personal favorite of the lot!)

Maintaining prolonged eye-contact during moments of sincerity and communication, especially if Character A is trying to tell B something important.

Sweet little smiles, or other such soft looks of fondness

And many other gestures that I don’t have time to go over in this list.

Tip the First: When writing platonic affection, be sure to bear in mind your characters’ personalities and physical differences. For example, if Character A is significantly bigger and heavier than Character B, they probably wouldn’t be tackle-hugging B, because that would risk seriously injuring B. Different personalities also have different levels of comfort when it comes to physical affection. If you’re writing fanfic, it helps to revisit the source material and observe how the two characters interact with each other. And remember: just because two characters aren’t physically affectionate with each other, it does NOT mean they don’t have a deep and meaningful friendship. Also bear in mind that many people have different dynamics with different friends simply due to the way their personalities fit together. Not all of my friendships look the same, and it’s not because of insincerity on my part--I just have different interactions with different people.

Tip the Second: If you want the gestures of affection to really pack a punch, use them sparingly. Save your long, warm embraces for when the two characters finally reunite after a long separation. Have Character A take B’s hand only when they can sense that B is frightened and in need of reassurance. A “First Platonic Hug” scene can be just as sweet and feelsy as a “First Kiss” scene if you do it right! Also, don’t be afraid to talk at length about how a gesture of affection makes a character feel. Describe the warm fuzzies that bubble up in their chest when their friend/family member gives them a hug, wax poetic about how grateful they are to have said friend/family member in their life. Taking time to explore and dwell on a certain feeling should never be strictly reserved for the ones associated with romance. 

And when in doubt:

Observe the professionals. Here are some fantastic platonic relationships from various pieces of media that I take tons of inspiration from:

Frodo and Sam from Lord of the Rings (especially in the books)

Jim and Toby from Dreamworks’ Tales of Arcadia series

Din and Cara from Star Wars: The Mandalorian

Lilo and Nani from Disney’s Lilo and Stitch

So in conclusion:

Listen, I get it. Romance is exciting and cute and sexy and very important in its own right, and society likes to beat us over the head with it these days. But I cannot impress on you enough just how vital platonic relationships are to living a good and fulfilling life. I am who I am today because of the family and friends who have helped me grow. Please don’t disregard it, whether in your writing or in your own life. Cherish friendship. Acknowledge the depth of your platonic feelings for someone. And writers, please don’t be afraid to express those feelings in your work. If we let friendship and family die, I can assure you, any potential for healthy romantic relationships will quickly follow suit. 

[ikiruwill]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE ;   mun & muse - meme .

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

my muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless 

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO.

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Are they underrated?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO.

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

how strictly do you follow canon? 　i try to follow canon as much as possible for shinji in nge. for rebuild, mostly, only bc nge is my main version of shinji. it’s been a while since i read the manga, and there’s definitely stuff to like about it, but imo sadamoto’s writing there isn’t as good as anno’s is in nge ( and rebuild... to an extent ), so i’d probably end up changing some details for manga!shinji with whatever headcanons if i wrote him more often / went into depth about things? but it’s still interesting to see how different shinji and kaworu ( + other characters ) are in the manga, and new dynamics can be fun!!

SELL YOUR MUSE! aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.    lemme try and sell you nge first unless you’ve already sold your soul to it LOL join me.... tldr it’s a classic anime and still relevant today despite it being like 24 years old ( with tons of merch now most i would shamelessly buy ). there’s so many characters that feel real and human in nge. hideaki anno poured too much of his heart and soul into it, the reflections of himself and his personal feelings feel very raw. i could also try to sell you like every nge character bc they’re all so well written but mha;lskdjf on to the last point. being the main character for eva, shinji is iconic too... he’s among the best leads i’ve seen in anime. most critics will agree and have agreed with this for decades ( if you only ask me, he’s number one for everything bc i’m biased af ❤ ). i talk too much about how he’s bby / cute and does his best, but probably not enough about how flawed he is as a person too, his deeper wants and needs, and when those things go horribly wrong. the duality is really what makes shinji complex and human. also bonus points!! he’s frequently scored at the top for fav anime characters in japan since ‘95 in newtype and stuff n_n

now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting ( even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think? ).    next to louder and more colourful characters like asuka, for example, shinji can come off as quiet and boring ( especially compared to traditional hot blooded mecha protagonists in general ). shinji isn’t a genius or leader. he’s super passive, introverted, shy, and bad at fun conversations. he saves the world and tries to do the right thing, so by definition, he’s a hero--- but he’s also just a boy who’s gone through a lot. he has a lot of depth and hidden anger / feelings in general, but it would take a lot for him ( i.e. pressure, circumstances ) to express that outwardly--- daily shinji isn’t really like that. fandom wise, i think shinji recently came in 4th in the NHK eva popularity contest, so that’s pretty good, people do like him there. kawoshin is also as popular as ever ( and i’ve also seen more shinji fans in the western side too ). meanwhile old nge fandom be like ‘shinji u loser get in the fucking robot!!!111 ur surrounded by hot chicks every single day and still cry wow’ but that’s more like an ironic meme nowadays LOL

what inspired you to rp your muse?    i finally watched eva properly like two years ago?? ( too late 4 kawoshin 2015 fandom q-q ) it was good so i sold my soul to it and shinji mhasdflkj

what keeps your inspiration going?    eva being my fav anime and shinji my fav character, seeing fanworks of eva, and ofc everyone who interacts with me here on my blog q-q bless u and thank u

some more personal questions for the mun .

give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO.

do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO ( sometimes )

do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO.

do you think a lot about your muse during the day?  YES / NO.

are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO.

are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO ( sort of?? )

are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO.

do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?    yes to respectful and constructive criticism!! but i’m still pretty circumstantial about it for my comfort ( just to avoid random ppl being rude etc ), so i think i’d prefer to reblog a meme for that and / or ask for opinions and tips from my mutuals!

do you like questions, which help you explore your character?    yesss, i think most of us would love that n_n both unprompted and reblogged memes work for me

if someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?    i’m a private blog, so if it’s more of a plot based headcanon that a mutual wanted to discuss for fun and in a friendly way, then ok! i think there’d be room for constructive discussion there ( ah yes eva and its 24 years of pepe silvia meme.png complex lore discussion still going strong ) 

if someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it? 　similar to the above and the constructive criticism thing, i’ll only care / be open to discussing that kinda stuff if we’re mutuals and if you’ve seen eva, etc. 

if someone really hates your character, how do you take it?    as seriously as a funny meme when it comes to randos LOL buuuut long answer too: i’ve also seen passionately mean spirited, usually terrible and equally as unironic takes about shinji on the internet bc that’s the internet sometimes rip. this version of hate is more annoying and can suck just to look at, especially if it gets lots of attention in the form of agreement ( it usually makes me think, did we even watch the same show ). but also arguing endlessly with whoever wrote it / believes it would suck even more ( being a waste of time for one ). i guess that’s one reason why i care more about the personal safe space i’m trying to create on my dashboard etc. and people have very different opinions about anything in general. but basically, in general, this: if someone hates x or y fictional character with such a burning passion, and they won’t be satisfied unless they try to convince others to hate them too, or say that fans of x or y character are bad people irl and belittle said fans for it on their own time ( or openly harass those fans ), and if they’re crusading this idea, constantly?? block, blacklist, report for harassment if noted, filter it out--- it’s definitely better to stay away from that kind of negativity ( also bc it’s absurd and necessary ). i question anyone who finds joy / importance in trying to police the content and comfort of others, but i also know that they wouldn’t have fun hanging out with me LOL kaworu vc surround yourself with people who love shinji ikari 

are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?    sure, once in a while is fine, especially if i made a typo or something that makes the context or anything confusing / unclear!

do you think you are easy going as a mun?    i try to be!! despite that longer rant just now mhas;ldkfj thanks for reading this far if you still are LOL 

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

tagged by: @skyvar​ aka the creator n_n thank you omg?? this was awesome!! tagging: if you wanna!

[volturialice]

In the book do you think jasper like / loved Bella since in the book he just distantance himself from her a lot and also do you think jasper is mean I personally think he secretly is nice

hmm. this feels like 2 questions so I’ll take a whack at both of them separately:

#2 - is jasper mean, or secretly nice?

I don’t think it’s nearly that simple! I think he’s a pretty average person in terms of morality, in that he cares about himself and his loved ones and after that, well. he’d rather not murder people but beyond that, all bets are off. 

that said, I like when the fandom imagines a Kind jasper. it’s sort of an incredible power fantasy, isn’t it? the idea that someone complicit in so much evil, who seems so irredeemable, could in fact change. that he could not only Stop Murdering People and reach a normal level of human morality, but also develop a soft and selfless side. the idea that he could be—and has been—reclaimed for Good is kind of beautiful, regardless of how realistic you find it.

#1 - do I think, based on the books, that jasper liked/loved bella?

welp. liked, yes! loved, no. 

I have historically made no secret of the fact that jasper/b.ella is my NoTP, and it’s not something I’m interested in talking about since I can’t be objective and I don’t wanna tear apart a thing people like just because I personally don’t see the appeal. so that’s all I’m gonna say about the idea of a romantic relationship between them (apologies if that isn’t what the question meant!)

but platonically, familially, then yes, I think he did come to care for bella as a sister (see: this ficlet I wrote about them!), both as as someone very important to his wife and his brother and as a worthy person in her own right. jasper just isn’t the type of person who’s going to show it very much, you know? it’s not his style to be super openly affectionate and demonstrative with anyone but alice, and even with her, the center of his existence, he’s fairly chill and restrained.

I think jasper and bella are actually really similar in temperament and introversion, which is why they aren’t outwardly friends and don’t interact much, but nevertheless seem to share a quiet understanding.

slight tangent, but at job #2 I have this coworker we’ll call Joe. Joe and I are very similar people—quiet, calm, introverted, often dry and sarcastic. and although I have known Joe since I was a teenager and worked closely alongside him for many years, we aren’t, like, friends in the normal sense of the word. we care very deeply about a lot of the same things and people—he has mentored my brothers and some of my best friends, and been an amazing influence in their lives. we have given each other countless rides home from work and other stuff. I get along wonderfully with his fun, outgoing wife. but put me and Joe in a room together and we just...don’t really have much to say to each other. not out of animosity or dislike, but because neither of us is really Like That. we just have this quiet understanding that we are on the same team and support each other, and that’s awesome.

and that’s how I see jasper and bella. individually, they just aren’t that interested in each other. rather, their connection is built on allyship, mutual respect, and love for the same people, and that’s lovely and powerful!

[starsmuserainbow]

Starfire’s RP PLOTTING CHEAT-SHEET

Want new-and-exciting plots for your character? Long to reach out to more of your followers, but don’t know where to start? Fear not! Fill out this form and give your RP partners both present and future all the of juicy jumping off points they need to help you get your characters acquainted.

Be sure to tag the players whose characters YOU want more cues to interact with, and repost, don’t reblog! Feel free to add or remove sections as you see fit. Template here.

Mun name: I go by Star or Starfire online. If we’re close, I might give you my real name upon asking - but if I do, please don’t ‘openly’ call me by it for others to see on this site. I’m very hesistant about RL things like that. OOC Contact: IMs and Asks are always open (and IMs are always OOC, I don’t do IC IMs), I also have Discord. I’m not giving out my Discord to everyone though, so please forgive me if I decline when you ask for it. Again I don’t do IC on Discord. As for plotting purposes or things like that, I think IMs would work the best.

Who the heck is my muse anyway:

An alien from the planet of Tamaran, Starfire was a princess there but left the planet a while ago because she wanted to explore other worlds and meet other people. Overly friendly, always excited to meet new people, very gullible and also somewhat naive. But don’t let that fool you, she’s not stupid, and her alien abilities also make her a threat if you decide to use her friendliness for your own purposes.

Points of interest:

She has orange-ish skin as it is common for tamaraneans. Her eyes are green, the sclera as well as the pupil even though the pupil is a bit darker. She can fly, assimilate languages through lip-contact, has superhuman strength, can withstand many difficult circumstances (like the vastness of space, and she doesn’t feel hot or cold unless in that environment for very long or in certain emotional states), and she has a kind of energy that is commonly referred to as ‘starbolts’ which she can use in various ways to attack others. While she has learned english through language assimilation, she still has a strange way of speaking sometimes. Especially with sayings it can easily happen that she doesn’t quite understand them yet. Due to coming from a different planet, her tastes might seem very strange to some people (e.g. she has a big liking of mustard as a drink), and she also still tries to keep up some of her people’s traditions like festivals even when she lives on earth now. She’s very friendly, bubbly and cheerful, probably a bit too energetic for certain people’s tastes, and overall enjoying to be together with people as long as they aren’t (openly) ‘mean’ or ‘evil’.

What they’ve been up to recently:

I don’t really do much in likes of story lines on this blog (yet?), she still lives with her friends in Titans Tower and often spends her free days visiting other areas of the world to meet new people. Other activities in her free time are shopping, flying over the city, and spending time with anyone she calls friend or whom she might be able to call friend later. On the not-free days there’s a lot of crime-fighting involved.

Where to find them:

Titans Tower, Jump City, any kind of Shopping Mall. She also frequently flies to other areas of the earth, so she could be found basically everywhere on the planet.

Current plans:

As stated above, I don’t really do big story lines or such. I had an AU thing once that I had running basically as a sort-of ‘event’ (Blackfire’s Final Trial was how I called it, searching for it will probably show you more info - or you need to ask me), and while similar might happen again if I ever get that spark of an idea again, nothing is really planned at the moment.

Desired interactions:

I’d really like to have more enemies for her. I love my sweet little beam of sunshine and how she tries to see the good in everyone, but I feel like there’s not enough villain/enemy stuff going on. Also I would really love more interactions for my other verses too (most prominently I’d name my Evil!Star here and my “Bad Endings”-verse), see my verses page for more details for that please. I’m open to any kind of crossover, even if I don’t know about your fandom yet! (Which of course doesn’t mean that I’m not open for anything else, any kind of interaction is great!)

To also name some specific character/s I’d really like to interact with: Mar’i (kid of Robin and Starfire in some future timeline, originating from one comic-line I think)! I have a wishlist-post about that too. There’s never enough RobStar, of course, but at least I do know and am mutuals/interacting with some Robins at the moment, so I don’t really think that should even be listed here - but since there can never be enough, here it is. Cyborg. Has there ever been a Cyborg RPer that lasted longer than, idk, a week or so? Because I definitely haven’t found anyone like it, which is a shame. I’d like to list some more, but two others I could name are ones where I can add more explanation, or ideas, on my other blogs, so that’s where they’ll be listed instead.

Offered interactions:

Starfire sometimes takes her home-made food to offer it to others. Be aware that the tamaranean food often has very different tastes from what would be expected. She also loves to take people flying with her, or talk about her planet. She tries to help in basically any way she could for any problem you might have. She could also easily end up crashing somewhere - as she’s quick to be distracted for a few moments and not check where she’s flying. Or come and go on some other kind of adventure with her! Crime-fighting is naturally also one of the things she’d appreciate a partner (or enemy) in.

Current open post/s:

Open Starters here (and please feel free to reply to ones that already have replies, that doesn’t mean they aren’t still open!) and Memes here! Both are always open, and you’re free to answer or send in something older too! There’s no expiration date on my things!

Anything else?:

I live in germany which sadly causes me to miss out many great things when they happen on the dash. I tend to read all that is on my dash once I’m awake again, but I don’t feel brave enough for reacting to anything that might have happened hours ago. Oh, I’m also as shy as can be, or maybe even shy-er than that. I do try to change this and everyday tell myself to go and approach someone or send in things to others, but that’s hard and quite often it doesn’t happen. I do have Wire-accounts for my muses, and you can either search for them on my blog or ask me about them, but I don’t know if I could/will ever do any good on those.

Tagging: Anyone that took the time to read this!

[as-many-times-as-it-takes]

Not looking for reassurance about canonical Sheith, I just need to vent. I heard you were offering hugs, would it be okay to ask for one, please? I let myself get too damn invested in canonical Sheith and I'm such a freaking mess right now & not in the good way. I really am way beyond old enough to know better, and I'm gay to boot. Again, I should know better! I love Sheith so much & always will, whatever happens in canon. Thank you for letting me vent, you're truly a kind person.

Hey there @mereneith !

You absolutely can have a hug from the craziness of this season. And I know you aren’t specifically looking for reassurance or anything, but I did want to add something to your comments.

There is no such thing as way beyond old enough to know better.

This is a long (very optimistic though!) personal discussion. Feel free to skip it if you just want hugs. Otherwise, read on.

Once upon a time I thought that as I grew older I would be expected to outgrow things and to set aside “childish interests and hopes” blah blah and I would magically transform into an adult and live an adult life.

Well fuck that.

I am a trans gay man, pushing just past his thirties and you know what? Voltron has changed my life. 

You see, we fall in love with characters because we find aspects in them that are important to us. It may be because we see ourselves in them, or find them very relatable. Or perhaps they represent something we’d like to see in our friends or lovers. Aspects that remind us fondly of our friends and family, or perhaps even aspects that remind us of our flaws. But this attachment isn’t childish or silly. It’s actually very healthy and important. As most people know, it’s often very difficult to learn a tough lesson on your own. But if you were to watch a person go through a similar issue who you feel strongly about, you will find that tangential learning can actually teach you a whole lot much faster.

Children are growing up today seeing their hero Shiro as a really awesome, strong man who also happens to be gay, deals with bad stress/PTSD, and has been disabled. How many of them will grow to not only accept these things, but grow and learn from them? So why should this be any different with adults?

I openly admit that I associate very strongly with Keith. I’ve been the outcast, I’ve struggled fitting in and lashing out. I’ve been left behind and felt abandoned again and again to the point that it was easier to push people away ahead of time than it would be to ever try to open up. All the knowledge in the world on fencing, dog sledding, falconry (rehab), archery, swordplay, target shooting, etc etc and all my talents at it still didn’t fix the fact that I was socially inept and hated the world around me. But then I also know the value then, of finding a Shiro in your life. Someone who took that time to push past your thorns and offer you unconditional support and affection. It’s why Sheith resonated with me instantly and why they became so important to me.

So watching the show was instantly a pleasure. I didn’t think it’d ever be a thing to begin with, but I was still content to dream. And when I found a very loving fandom behind it, I actually felt a lot of peace seeing other people who also felt like this. There are a great many people in the world right now who ship Sheith because it is an expression of mutual love, compassion, support, admiration, and dedication. Everyone has their own unique love and perspective on why Shiro and Keith are important to them, but we also share a common passion.

When I first started this blog in Season 3, I had been many years away from my previous blogging experience. Depression, life, and all sorts of stuff had gotten in the way and I’d sort of drifted away from something that had been a great passion of mine. So I thought I’d be brave and start up a blog here.

And it grew, and I made a few friends and had a good time until depression and life got me down again and I disappeared for about a year or so until Season 6. When I returned, I thought for sure I would never keep up with the main blogs or all the truly awesome artists out there. But you know what? I had changed, and I had grown and the fandom welcomed me back with open arms.

Sheith inspired me to draw again. My “You Found Me” piece was not only one of the first digital pieces I’d done in over 6 months, it was also a big leap in what sorts of things I could draw. And I’ve kept pumping out art slowly but surely and each time I do, I’ve learned just a little bit more and been all that much more proud. I started writing again too! Who cares if it’s fanfiction? Why would that make it any less valid or satisfying? I also was a braver man and I started reaching out to people that I saw in the fandom who I wanted to get to know.

And I have completely changed my life. I have made some of the most wonderful friends now. I am still getting to know many of them, but I already am just so happy to have more people to talk to, celebrate with and get to know. I’m part of multiple discord servers, multiple art projects and I have seen an amazing amount of support for my writing! I’ve had my writing translated into other languages, I’ve been called someone’s hero, I see asks and prompts in my inbox of people who want to talk to me and hear my opinion.

Sheith isn’t just important to me, it’s changed my life. The characters have spoke to me on a personal level and I still learn from, yes, a cartoon show. It’s made me think more critically and become more introspective. It’s allowed me to express myself better and find common ground with more people. And with the amount of amazing support from the staff and Voltron in general, Shiro and Keith’s relationship and their characters in general have validated a lot of my life, my orientation, I could go on and on.

I haven’t really said it aloud all at once, but these are all true. Sometimes it’s hard to talk about these things or we’ve been told it’s “childish” or “foolish.” I laugh and weep over Sheith because I am also invested and I want it to come true and I’m not ashamed of it. I am a total gay disaster and have spent days greeting my BFF with “OMG SHIRO IS GAY HOLY SHIT!!!” for days on end after the announcement. I have fussed and wept because I worried it might not happen. Yeah, I feel silly sometimes too. I regard myself as a very logical individual in a very logical profession. But I am also a creature of passion, instinct, and emotion. I want to be the voice for others who are too nervous to speak, who are still not ready yet, or just need to hear it from someone else. I want to be the one to help tell people it’s okay to fall in love with characters and feel strongly about them and learn from them.

I will always love Sheith no matter what. It’s changed my life and made me a better person. And I will endlessly be thankful to the entire Voltron crew for everything they’ve done for us.

But I also have faith and I want to hand out hugs and tell people to keep their chins up.

Remember, 

Patience Yields Focus

Don’t be afraid to be yourself. Don’t feel bad about being invested or taking joy in something. Instead, celebrate it and embrace it. Turn it into a positive force that enriches the people around you. I think Shiro put it best:

Go, be great.

[fountainpenguin]

Question Meme: (Ignore this if you don't want to answer all these....) 1, 2, 3, 28, 31, 33, 40 (sorry i couldn't pick one)

40 Questions For ‘Fic Writers Meme

#1 - Describe your comfort zone—a typical you-fic.

Gradual character development spread across a piece with deepened, believable worldbuilding. You know, I often say I’m not into romance, but here’s the thing: A nice long, serious slow burn does a person good. I’ll happily accept romance if an author can really get me into the minds of the characters and make me want their relationship to develop as much as the characters do.

It’s shallow romance that rubs me the wrong way. Give me two characters who honestly, truly care about each other to the point where they’ll sacrifice something they love, or even be willing to let each other ago if it means the one they love will be happy. I love that. But if you’ve got one character who will pitch a fit rather than let their love be happy with someone else, you’re really working uphill with me.

Worldbuilding doesn’t have to be as deep and complex as my ‘fics tend to get, but I do love to see how different authors expand the same world in different ways. I’m not a big fan of horror and for some reason I just can’t get into sci-fi. I enjoy fantasy and biology.

Really, I love anything that doesn’t contradict canon. AUs? Eh, sometimes, but they’re not my favorite. I like behind-the-scenes, between-the-lines, believable futures, and backstory pieces with some nice worldbuilding. And some complex characters who don’t always make the best choices and then have to suffer the consequences for their actions. Yes. ‘Fics like those are very nice.

#2 - Is there a trope you’ve yet to try your hand at, but really want to?

A queerplatonic relationship that’s happy, healthy, and long-lasting. You would think I would let my aro/ace children be happy, but alas, ‘tis not to be! You could say I like to squash zucchinis. I am self-projecting my own insecurities. I made Bennett a horrible person to show the “worst possible relationship with an aro/ace who wants a sexless marriage” so that the hopes and dreams of the other aro/ace characters look more reasonable by comparison. I do that a lot.

Okay, I lied. I can think of six “official” queerplatonic relationships we will see in my FOP works, and one of them actually does have a happy ending. I mean, probably. I haven’t written it yet, so who knows?

Spoiler alert: Mario and Peach are the OTQP and I’m going to milk it. What can I say? I call ‘em like I see ‘em and canon literally gave us a plumber who’ll collect 120 Power Stars in return for cake, and a princess who turned down his hand in marriage after all the times he’s rescued her, but adores him anyway.

#3 - Is there a trope you wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole?

“We pretend to hate each other but secretly we’re both in love and will one day in the heat of the moment spontaneously confess our romantic feelings and form a mutual, caring relationship without any further character development.”

I don’t know if it’s because I’m a very serious, honest, straightforward person (being INTJ and all), or if it’s because I’m asexual, or if it’s a combination of both (or neither), but I can’t stand huge plots about people refusing to admit that they like someone. Love has always been a logical thing to me. I was sixteen before I found out sexual attraction was a real thing. I don’t really understand it, but I guess it’s possible to have physical feelings for someone even if you don’t logically want to? And you can’t stop yourself or turn it off? I honestly don’t know how that works, which is why the “I wish I wasn’t physically attracted to you” trope has infuriated me since childhood. I just didn’t get it.

Even before I realized I was asexual, I would have discussions with my mom about how if I ever had a crush, I would openly admit this to my friends if they asked. I wouldn’t protest or deny, as I see so many media characters do. Then it turned out I’m incapable of feeling physical attraction and I get friendship squishes instead of romantic crushes, so that happened.

As a general rule of thumb, you should trust the characters I write if they say they aren’t attracted to someone. If they like someone, they’ll tell you so. If they don’t, they’ll tell you that too. And if they’re confused, then it will be very clear that they’re confused. No means no. I’m very strict about that. Don’t read into it looking for signs that they’re being secretive even to the reader. They are not. I emotionally cannot bring myself to do that.

#28 - Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.

Oooh. I’m going to say that Shaddic takes the cake on this one. If you’re a Total Drama fan, or even if you’re not, then “Daddy’s Characters” will break you deliciously like very few fanfics will. “Before and After” is just a step behind it. The emotion captured by these ‘fics is incredible, and I highly, highly recommend them if you’re into evil villains who are undeniably and yet realistically cruel. Both ‘fics revolve around Mike and his multiple personalities (“Daddy’s Characters” revolving around adult Mike and Zoey, married with a daughter and with twins on the way, coping with something horrid that lands a distraught Mike in prison, and “Before and After” being the trauma-filled childhood backstory ‘fic). 

Shaddic characterized everyone perfectly. So horribly, painfully well. Ugggh, I love it. My gallery has Identity Theft on the way, which will revolve around Foop and Hiccup and some multiple personality trauma, but it won’t be as beautiful as Shaddic’s work. They’re honestly worth a read if you ever have the time one day, even if you aren’t a Total Drama fan. You really don’t need to know the show to enjoy them. And enjoy them (and suffer) you will. In all my years, I’ve never seen an evil villain portrayed so… villainously. Love it.

I’m also a fan of SelanPike- partially for sentimental reasons, I suppose. I remember reading her Mario ‘fics over and over eight years ago, and I still read them today on a regular basis. Crazy how time flies. They’re just ones that I love going back to. As most of you know, I tend to fall in love with background characters. Fawful, Kamek, and Doopliss fit those qualifications- and coincidentally, those three are Selan’s favorites too! Technically, it’s because of her that the 130 Prompts project came to be. I always loved her 100 one-shot challenge, and that’s sort of how I eventually decided to write my own.

I really admire Selan for her characterizations. Her Kamek portrayal is my all-time favorite. So is her Fawful, her Doopliss, her Bowser, her Bowser Jr, her E. Gadd… she’s just a master of character. Even her freaking Jojora is spot-on. I mean, talk about background characters, am I right? Ha. Her writing is excellent and she has some fun plots. I always enjoyed drinking up her fanart and reading her comics on her deviantArt too. Still do. She has such a fun, bouncy art style. Her 8-page comic about Fawful attending school in the Mushroom Kingdom after Kamek hits him with the truant officer threat gets me every time.

I highly recommend “Until Tomorrow” (Her post-“Superstar Saga” ‘fic about Kamek and Fawful attempting to revive Cackletta so Kamek can kick her butt in a magic fight and Fawful can get the mother figure he refuses to call his mother figure back), and her famous ‘fic “On My Own” (about Fawful coping with Cackletta’s death and eventually working his way up the Koopa Kingdom social ladder). “Fragmented Spectrum” is a wonderful, tense, horror-ish ‘fic as well, with my absolute favorite Bowser Jr. portrayal. Plus, I love the rivalry between Kamek and Fawful seen in “F.S.” with Fawful trying to draw magic circles that he decided must be 100% perfect to count as circles, and Kamek not even knowing how to deal with him and his technology brain. Beautiful. 

Check out the rest of her gallery too. Her two FFN fandoms are Mario and Invader Zim. She isn’t active there anymore, but her ‘fics are worth the read. I will say that I’m not a fan of her ‘fic “Everything You Ever” because I feel that Cackletta was way too sweet and nice for an evil villain in that one. But then again, I haven’t read it in years, so who knows. I’m not crazy about Selan’s Peach portrayal either, but that’s where my third recommendation comes in.

GuardianM1234 is a recent discovery of mine, and she does not disappoint. I’m a big fan of her ongoing ‘fic “Smoke” (which updates twice a month right now and is nearing its climax). It’s basically the story of Peach and Bowser growing up, and the development of their relationship from being fairly friendly as children to their complex relationship as adults. I’ve never seen Peach portrayed so perfectly, and I adore her. Never thought I would, but I do. Guardian also has a very unique take on Mario that’ll really make you squirm.

I love Guardian’s writing because she pits characters in emotionally-difficult situations and lets them learn and grow. They make bad choices, but she demonizes no one. Not even Bowser. Plus, Bowser has a little sideplot with Clawdia going on (the canon mother of the Koopalings if you know your deep hidden lore, though since the Koopalings were recently ruled “not Bowser’s children” by Nintendo’s “official” canon, I don’t know if she will be their mother in “Smoke” or where Guardian is taking this ‘fic). Basically, what I’m saying is, Clawdia and Bowser roastfest. Be there. They crack me up. And Guardian’s TOADSWORTH is perfection. Please give that old boy his gossip.

Plus, Daisy takes Bowser shopping for wedding dresses once and he bribes her with a six-pack of soda. Nice, short chapters with a few pleasant hints of worldbuilding slipped in, and a LOT of character. Guardian is still somewhat new to fanfiction, but she’s very sweet and she would adore some reviews if you do read her work. If you love her stuff, give her a shout-out! She’s great.

#31 - Do you take liberties with canon or are you very strict about your fic being canon compliant?

I fall halfway between this one. The answer is, sort of both! For my main fandoms, I have one rule: I don’t contradict canon, unless canon contradicted itself and I was forced to pick a side. Origin gets so deep into biology and Knots into culture that they feel more like original works than fanfics sometimes, because I’ll flesh things out as much as I want to. So that’s sort of a liberty I take with canon. But I never contradict canon if I don’t have to. I always comply.

It’s a puzzle. I love connecting dots behind the scenes. I love forcing everything that’s canon to be canon, even if it looks like it contradicted itself. If I can solve a plot hole, I try to. I will make ridiculous backbends to fit colorful Anti-Fairy eyes, Crocker’s ebb and flow of wealth, Miss Idaho’s “rare genetic condition that prevents her from aging,” Mary Alice Doombringer’s random abilities, and Girlfriend the cat’s sentience into Riddleverse canon, and I’ll love every second of it. I only cut a piece of canon out if I feel like I absolutely have to. It’s fun.

I can definitely enjoy reading ‘fics that stray from canon, and might even write them on occasion. But the reason why I write fanfics is because I loved the canon and I want to see it expanded, not taken away. I’d like to publish my original works someday, so if I’m not sticking close to source material, why would I write a fanfic that I could publish as an original work instead? 

For the same reasons, I’d rather read a fanfic that expands on canon than eliminates it. When I fall in love with something, I fall in love with its world. I like ‘fics that blend worldbuilding aspects in with the plot they’re writing, even if it’s a short one-shot. I don’t love reading something that feels like its writer just inserted the names of popular characters into their otherwise original work so that people would read it. I want to have the little details and feel convinced that these are the characters (and the world) that I love. Personal preference.

In some cases, I default to realism over canon, such as by giving Cosmo the ability to recognize faces. In my psychology classes, I’ve learned that sometimes during investigations, police will show pictures to people and ask them to select the face that matches the one they were shown earlier. People pretending to be mentally handicapped in some way will often get the answers wrong on purpose in an attempt to maintain their facade, while those who are actually mentally handicapped will get them right. Just a nitpicky thing I do.

So I often favor realism over canon in certain ways, even if it possibly contradicts canon a bit. I respect canon and try to stay true to it as much as possible because I enjoy doing so, but I don’t consider myself 100% beholden to it, especially considering how many different contributors there can be to a project over the years. I do my best, but enjoying what I write comes first.

#33 - How do you feel about crack?

I can enjoy the occasional way-out-there thing, but I prefer serious stories in general.

#40 - Write an alternative ending to [insert fic title] (or just the summary of one).

Well, you didn’t give me a ‘fic you wanted to see an alternate ending to, but I do have a few short pieces I can share. You see, the “That Was Then” Prompt (the Jay Rhoswen and his studies about Anti-Fairies one) wasn’t supposed to end the way it did. Here is how it was meant to go:

Rhoswen scooted back hand over hand along the counter, his feet skittering in the vapor. What in the name of dust was he doing? He shouldn’t be looking at his wife’s counterpart more than at his wife! He shouldn’t be having these sorts of thoughts at all!

Anti-Shylinda placed her palms to his cheeks and gazed into his eyes. “No talk,” she whispered, and when she leaned forward, those burning lips closed over his.

As for whether that Seelie Courter chose to kiss the anti-fairy back once she’d started to draw away? Well… You ought to look to the term “Rhoswen syndrome” to answer that.

I didn’t like the idea of Anti-Shylinda being the one to make moves on Jay, so I scrapped it. Not only that, but the whole piece is written as snippets from Rhoswen’s journal now, so the voice here no longer fit the narrative.

At the end of the first chapter of Frayed Knots, “String Theory”, Anti-Cosmo cuts off the tips of his ears. I was originally going to expand the scene as follows:

Blood spattered the floor. With a hiss through my teeth, I withdrew the knife and dabbed the blood up with my sleeve. The stone might stain.

Recalculating, I dragged my stool over to the sink. The angle was awkward, but at least my blood would wash easily away. There, I slit off the tip of my ear, cutting carefully around my first canetis ring. Then I mirrored the action on the other side. Both rings bounced across the stone with a clink, click, clatter.

I uncurled my tongue and set the knife aside. Then I took the severed tips of my ears and held them to my head again. It took three agonizing minutes, but the smoke that filled my veins stretched out and wound around my fingers. It absorbed my ears and pressed them into place again. Full, soft, and whole. I fingered the gashes mother’s piercing clamp had left behind. Apparently, even regeneration couldn’t heal injuries left by an unenchanted tool. Useful information to know.

The canetis rings disappeared into my pocket. Then I got up and pushed open the window. I took a running start, dove out, and unfurled my wings.

However, I kind of liked leaving the chapter on the cliffhanger of “Oh my gosh, what did he just do to himself???” I also couldn’t include a sink in the castle in a time period when there is no indoor plumbing. Then I decided that I would rather give Anti-Cosmo permanent gashes in his ears he had caused himself, rather than ones caused by his mother, to always remind him (and everyone around him) of that day he stood against Anti-Fairy tradition. Kind of a shame to delete the scene since I like how it gave us information about smoke and Anti-Fairy healing right from the start. I might recycle it later.

Actually, if we’re talking about the original version of Knots, everything was supposed to be different than what it was. Here is another deleted scene that was originally planned to be the opening scene of Knots:

“Mum, I’m nine and a half minutes old. I’m not a baby anymore. Come on, please? You let Anti-Robin leave home to get his wand when he was only three!”

“You weren’t even born yet. How can you possibly know that?”

“He told me about thirty seconds ago, right before you came in here.” I grabbed my mother’s skirt in two tiny fists. “Mum, I’m going to be the only pup in the colony without a wand. What about our image?”

She wavered visibly, running her thumb along her staff. “Well…”

Father peered over his spectacles and frowned. “Now, wait just a minute here, Anti-Florensa. He’s just a pup. You can’t send him into the woods to gather the materials for his first wand all by himself.”

“But it has always been our family’s tradition,” she sniffed. “It’s not as though he’ll die. On the contrary, I’m more concerned about him killing valuable plants with his acid. Anti-Cosmo, you’re drooling again.”

I wiped my mouth. “Sorry, Mum.”

I really loved the “I’m nine and a half minutes old- I’m not a baby anymore!” idea, especially since there aren’t many times when you’ll have the chance to use it. As you can see, Frayed Knots was going to begin with baby Anti-Cosmo leaving his manor home alone to obtain his first wand. 

But overall, in the end, I decided that it was more important to show the importance of smoke in Anti-Fairy culture, and we ended up with the scene we have now. Also, I really wanted Anti-Cosmo to grow up never knowing who his father was until several years after Anti-Robin had died, which meant I had to scrap or replace this scene in some way anyway.

The “Mama’s Boy” Prompt was actually written with the manor idea in mind, and I believe Anti-Florensa even uses the word “manor” in it. I added an author’s note to that piece several months ago mentioning that “Mama’s Boy” is semi-canon for now until Frayed Knots is finalized. A lot has changed.

Some other deleted scenes from the early plans of “Anti-Cosmo lives with his family in a manor near the Castle, and they are nobles but not royalty” include:

“I got something for you, kiddo.” Anti-Robin flicked an aluminum medal across the table that read #2 Son. I grinned.

“This is for me? Thanks! I love it!”

He tilted down his glasses. “You say, ‘Thank you, Father, for this generous gift.’”

I repeated the words, and he tousled my hair. “Now, go do second son things.”

“Yes, sir! I will! Thank you, Father!” With the medal swinging from my neck, I trotted happily off.

and

I clung to the frame of his office door, beating my wings to keep myself from staggering forward. I knew better than to cross the threshold, even though there was nothing I wanted more in the universe right then than to throw my arms around his waist and squeeze him in a hug. The bruise Mother had left on my arm hurt even more now than it did in the kitchen, somehow. My eyes slid back and forth across his desk.

“Where are you going?”

Anti-Robin calmly placed another folded shirt inside the suitcase. “Back to Anti-Scarlett’s.”

“With your other family?” I asked. “With her kids, Anti-Xavier and Anti-Tom?”

“Yes.”

“Why can’t I come with you? I want to meet them.”

“It’s a dad thing.” He closed the suitcase with two clicks and turned around. His eyes were steely calm, his frown very firm. “You’ll understand when you’re older.”

and

“ELEANOR!”

Anti-Robin and I grabbed our mouths and looked at each other, gaping with our eyes. Mother was over 150,000 years old. Her real name wasn’t supposed to be said out loud.

Father slammed a newspaper on the table, then stepped back and crossed his arms. “Might I inquire what the meaning of this is, ‘dear’?”

“Whatever do you mean?” she asked, not looking up from the end of her staff. She studied its base, then ran her polish rag across it again.

“Anti-Bryndin had the green fairy locked up, and I know you’re behind it.”

So, don’t feel too sad that Anti-Cosmo grows up without a dad in my works! It wouldn’t have been the best relationship anyway. Besides that, now that I’ve had time to think about it, this Anti-Robin portrayal isn’t that far off Ambrosine, and I’d rather H.P. and Anti-Cosmo had fathers with very different personalities.

If you have a really sharp memory, you may possibly remember seeing that medal around Anti-Cosmo’s neck when I drew my late-night FOP/Moana doodle dump that one time.

I also have oodles of scenes deleted from Anti-Cosmo’s visit to Winkleglint’s estate, since originally Scarletfeather was supposed to show up and Anti-Cosmo panicked when he couldn’t stop Scarletfeather from luring Mr. Thimble away. I could have filled another entire chapter with what happened during that study abroad week, but in the end I decided they were mostly self-indulgent and not important enough in the grand scheme of things to justify leaving in.

I’m skimming through my files of deleted scenes and I forgot I had this one too. Anti-Cosmo wasn’t supposed to have his intelligence test proctored by Ambrosine originally, as I was going to send him to this mental hospital facility. I decided against it, but here is a terrifying scene that we almost got. So, it’s technically an alternative ending too:

Dr. Gabriel handed me a piece of bark marked with the word Failed. “Don’t get cocky. Everyone has their limits.”

Failed? That lout outright failed me? I dropped the bark strip and looked up as Dr. Gabriel spread his wings. With a few sharp beats, he flew out of the pit. I chased after him, searching the platform above me with my eyes. So I couldn’t fly, and I was short, but I could make that leap-

“Oof!”

Or… perhaps not. I slid back down to the floor and landed on my rump. Never one to be deterred, I leaped back to my feet. Something to boost me, something to boost me… Oh! Snatching up his forgotten broom, I backed against the opposite wall, and then ran forward. I shoved the handle of the broom into the corner offered by the platform and the floor and launched myself into the air. Yes! Yes! Ahahaha! I hurtled out of the pit and went rolling across the ground. Dr. Gabriel spun around, his mouth falling open in surprise.

“Please,” I begged him, climbing to my feet again. My broken wings batted feebly behind me. “I want to gain a Fairy education. Level with me, doctor. You don’t want Anti-Fairies filling up your precious conservative school. And I don’t want Anti-Fairies filling it up either. True, we Anti-Fairies are known for our memories, but I like to feel special, and I shouldn’t want to chance anyone stealing my thunder away from me. You let me in, and I won’t breathe a word about your biases against my people.”

Dr. Gabriel studied me with idle coldness, clutching his tablets to his chest. He drifted a few steps backwards along the corridor. “Anti-Cosmo, your genius is entirely creative. You’re severely behind in your knowledge of technical skills, and you lack basic common sense as well as a sense of self-preservation. Because of this, we can’t recommend you be placed in any advanced programs. You’ll need to stay where you’re at.”

The corners of my mouth twisted into a frown. Then a sneer. “Frankly, Dr. Gabriel, I’m not particularly fond of that option.”

With that, I yanked out the can of forget-a-cin I’d nicked from his pouch when he’d been turned the other way. Dr. Gabriel had time to look horrified before I mashed the button down. My eyes were squeezed shut, but even so, the world around me lit with white. I let the empty canister fall to the floor and opened my eyes again to find the nervous fairy glancing around in bewilderment.

“There,” I said. “I’ve just put a block over this memory of yours. I do hope no one else would care to challenge me, or I will be forced to perform the same trick on them. Now, I demand that you, good sir, will have me enrolled in all the classes of my choosing. Is that understood?”

Dr. Gabriel’s wandering eyes finally latched onto me. His shoulders shivered, although he possibly didn’t remember why. He bobbed a bit lower in the air. Then his wings fell silent altogether, and he leaned his back against the wall. He slid down to the floor. “S-security! Security?”

His voice was too weak for anyone who wasn’t an Anti-Fairy to hear. I sighed. Covering my eyes again, I made a signal with my other hand. “Oh, dear. I do apologize. I really never do this, you must understand. It’s so messy.”

If he hadn’t been so hazy from the aftereffects of the forget-a-cin, I’m sure Dr. Gabriel wouldn’t have let me get away with as much as he did. As it happened, I walked right up to him and lay my claw against the karmic pouch on the left side of his neck. He yelped, but I knocked his clumsy hands away from me without any real effort. I braced my hand against my hip.

“I really never do this. It’s vile and crude. So sorry, I really am. But then again, well, perhaps I’m really not.” And with that, I sunk my fangs into his neck. Blech. He tasted of old mutton.

Dr. Gabriel screamed. He twisted, his shoulders rapidly seizing up. I rolled my eyes and kept my fangs embedded until his coughs turned to silence and he had frozen in place, as still as a stone statue. Only then did I wrench back my head, bringing the coils of his karmic weave along with me. Most of them were blue, but here and there a pink one surfaced, or a yellow. As the colourful threads of his life whisked above us, I stood back and traced one claw beneath my eye.

“Anti-Fairy tears consist mainly of sulfuric acid, of course. And I daresay you hurt my feelings quite a bit back there, didn’t you?”

Forcing myself to cry came as naturally as forcing myself not to cry always had. I captured the burning tear on the end of my claw and, very slowly, held it out towards the paralyzed fairy sitting against the wall. For several long seconds, I let him see it glistening there. Threatening to drip down on the place where I had bitten him. Which was still bleeding.

“I never do this,” I said again, truthfully apologetic. “It’s messy and you’ll be rather cross when you wake up, assuming you wake again at all. But it is true that I am crying, and here you are, lying so very still. We’re standing rather close, aren’t we? So close that I could touch you.”

Lacking the ability to move, all Dr. Gabriel could do was sit numbly, his mouth gaping. I lowered my claw towards his neck.

“But it’s only a single tear, isn’t it? Why should a fairy care if he made an anti-fairy child cry? No, a single tear cannot hurt your conscience. A single tear may sting your skin, perhaps, but it shouldn’t cause any long-lasting problem so long as no liquid in your body is particularly warm. Oh, wait…” Here I feigned surprise, and brought my claw a mere centimetre from his karmic pouch. Green liquid trickled down his neck. I smiled. “Why, internal Fairy body temperature borders on the boiling point, does it not? Oooh, I’d hate to see what happens when that acid comes into contact with your blood. I’ve heard it’s prone to such catastrophic explosions.”

There was, of course, no reply. Sighing, I withdrew my handkerchief from my pocket and wiped the tear from my claw.

“No, but I suppose I’m a gentleman, so I shan’t leave you comfortless. As I told you, I really never do this. I’m all boasts and bluster, really. That’s all I really am. Let’s get you cleaned up, lad.”

I was just wiping away the last drops of acid from his stunned face when the door opened behind me. I looked over my shoulder to find Anti-Jolene floating there with a clipboard in hand. She took in the threads of wild karma and my kerchief, and looked at me with her ears cocked forward.

“So… How is it going?”

I sighed and tucked the handkerchief away. “Dr. Gabriel and I have just finished, painfully. I say, are business deals with Fairies always so messy?”

She smiled a thin smile. “It would behoove us to find a neutral party who could settle things between our two races more easily, wouldn’t it?”

“I’ll be cleaning karma out of my fur for weeks,” I muttered, and went about gathering up his tangled threads so I could stuff them back inside his soul.

He was one messed up kid in this draft, that is for sure. Who knows? Perhaps I’ll find a place for this scene in the current version someday, if I ever need to send an older Anti-Cosmo to a mental health facility. For now, however, it’s deleted.

“This Is a Box” was actually supposed to end differently as well. And of course, so was “This Is Halloween.” Every once in awhile I’ll have a piece get away from me and end the way it wants, but most of them end the way I plan from the start.

Thanks for all your requests! I really appreciate your curiosity!

[meta-shadowsong]

Re: the Rako Hardeen Arc

So, every so often, this conversation crosses my dash/etc. And I tend not to get involved, because it’s very Discoursey and I’m not super into Discoursey stuff, lol.

But I’ve noticed a sort of...trend?

And that’s that there are basically two points of view on this arc:

What Obi-Wan did was Incredibly Hurtful and Anakin* is righteously pissed at him for faking his death/lying/using Anakin’s intense feelings in order to sell his cover.

What Obi-Wan did was Absolutely Necessary for the sake of the Republic/Mission and Anakin* is wrong for being upset with him over it/this is a symptom of his descent into darkness.

*I’m saying Anakin here because LBR the amount of meta/fic/etc. that deals with the perspective of anyone other than Anakin and Obi-Wan is...Lacking.

Anyway, I have issues with both of these takes--at least in these forms. Because they are treated as mutually exclusive and...they’re not??? As much as both of them are kind of wrong--both of them are also kind of right.

Let me be clear from the outset--it is not my goal here to take sides, or evaluate which of the two extremes is more or less correct. I’m going to talk about what, in my opinion, is wrong with each of them, and what’s right with each of them.

So first, just sort of in general terms/to explain why I think there’s rightness and wrongness in both extremes: whenever someone has personal relationships with other people, especially when that person is put into a position of public trust, there is a balance that needs to be struck between duty to the person/people with whom they have a relationship and duty to the community as a whole. In this arc, as in a lot of stories, those two levels of responsibility come into conflict. Obi-Wan makes a choice that aligns almost entirely with his public/community duty, even if it causes a lapse in the personal duty/a potential breach in his personal relationships.

Again, I’m not here to talk about whether his decision was right or wrong. I’m here to talk about the way the impact of that decision is treated in fandom, and the fact it’s treated as a very black-and-white thing when it’s kind of not.

The problem with Option #1 is that it’s...it doesn’t acknowledge that this was mission-related, it was a duty thing, it was something that, for whatever background, whatever reservations he may or may not have had, Obi-Wan was the best person to complete the mission and he accepted this assignment. Based on all the information available to him/the Council at the time, this was a necessary action to save the Chancellor’s life, before they realized he was Evil. That point I made above about community/public duty is a factor here, and Obi-Wan’s choices here aligned with that.

Also, Option #1 tends to skew towards the point of view that ‘the Jedi Order and/or Obi-Wan and the choices they/he made with regard to Anakin are a Significant Factor in his Fall.’ Which is flawed. Look, there are exactly two people to blame for Anakin’s Fall--Palpatine (without whom I tend to think Anakin is the least likely of the PT trio to go Dark Side, but that’s a topic for a separate essay), and of course Anakin himself. Now, there’s a whole road-building metaphor essay I have about other contributing factors that may have made manipulation easier for Palpatine, but that...there’s a difference between being a contributing factor and being responsible. ...but, again, that’s a topic for a separate essay.

There’s also the fact that, on the rare occasions where fics do handle POV of anyone other than Obi-Wan or Anakin and they skew towards Option #1, they tend to lump everyone outside Obi-Wan and the Council in the same group, regardless of nuance or characterization? Meaning everyone is angry/hurt in the same way otherwise they’re painted as the same kind of cold/hurtful way as Obi-Wan/the Council in this take. That those are the only two possible reactions someone can have to the situation. And that’s not right, either. Like...Anakin handles everything one way; Satine would probably be furious, at least in the short term; but looking at Ahsoka (who I’ll discuss more when looking at Option #2 because I think she in particular gets shafted by this Discourse) or Padme or Rex or Cody or...see what I mean?

Basically, Option #1 takes a kind of bad-faith/uncharitable view of Obi-Wan and the Jedi Council, in a way that I think is both unfair and wrong.

The problem with Option #2 is that it...it comes really close to saying that the feelings/reactions of people who are hurt by Obi-Wan’s actions are invalid. That the fact that the people close to him (Anakin in particular, as I mentioned above; but also Ahsoka, who I’ll talk a little more about in a minute; Satine, who is openly sobbing at his funeral; Padme...) should just Be Okay With This, without needing time to process the grief and the shock and the confusion and the hurt feelings over the fact that someone close to them, however justifiably, let them believe he was dead.

This is especially true for Ahsoka, who went through something that Obi-Wan knows first-hand is incredibly painful and takes some time to deal with--having a mentor/father-figure who she loves very much die in her arms. (Like I said. It saddens me that there’s very little content about anyone other than Obi-Wan and Anakin in the aftermath of this arc, because holy cow is there a lot to unpack in those other relationships, too).

And, I mean--I think eventually, all of the principal characters who are immediately impacted by this event would come around. In part because canon supports that--this incident never really comes up again. There’s no evidence of lingering hard feelings even from Anakin past the immediate aftermath/conclusion of the arc itself. To be fair, some of that is the pacing of the show/the structure of it as a series of mini-arcs that sometimes but don’t always build on one another. But the idea that it’s Not Fair or Wrong for people close to Obi-Wan to be upset with him over this, to need time before forgiving him, to maybe need to be mad at him and not just vent in private...particularly given that everything happens over the course of...like...a week. Even for trained Jedi who are taught how to handle Big Feelings, that’s a lot of Big Feelings to process and it’s not easy or simple.

Basically, Option #2 takes a kind of unfortunate/uncomfortable view about how Obi-Wan should be Automatically forgiven for the fallout in his personal relationships, because it was necessary/justifiable.

In the end, like I said, I have issues with both of these arguments, and I think there’s elements of truth to both. Like I said, I think that Obi-Wan ultimately will be forgiven because the choice he made was not malicious or intended to hurt people. On the flipside, it did hurt people close to him, and they have a right to need space to be Upset with him before they forgive him. So I don’t really like either take--the side that demonizes Obi-Wan (and, by extension, the Jedi Order/Council) for his choices, or the side that goes so far in the other direction that it says Anakin is Wrong/has no right to be Upset about it.

And one interesting thing about this, at least for me, is that...I don’t think this is really debated in the same way in other fandoms where there’s a faked-death plot? Like, the example that comes to mind is Criminal Minds; where JJ helps Prentiss fake her death for a season or so for Reasons. This decision ultimately saved Prentiss’s life, among other things, but when it’s revealed and Prentiss comes back, Reid in particular is extremely Upset (primarily with JJ) over the lies, and to the best of my recollection, neither of them is really demonized over it? Either in-universe or in the fandom. And yet when it comes to this particular plotline in this particular fandom, there’s no room for both sides to be right.

So...yeah. I’m not sure I made my point very well--like I said, I try to stay on the fringes of Discourse like this because I don’t like getting into Arguments on the internet, but these are the thoughts on the subject I’m having at the moment.

[roxiemegs]

A teacher-mama’s rant

Those who know me personally are probably aware that I’ve been in the habit of sort of “adopting” various kids and teenagers. I’ve been happily married twice—which sounds funny, until I reveal that I was widowed at a relatively young age. Both of these good men were previously married, and had children that I came to know and love as if they’d been mine—even though they weren’t in my house full-time. I’ve step-mothered a grand total of seven kids: four girls, three boys. I also have an almost-three-year-old little girl with my husband.

When my first husband died, I only got to see his kids twice more: at the funeral, and when they came to get stuff from our home. This wasn’t by my choice, but because their mother had never liked me, had spent the years of my marriage systematically belittling her ex and his “fat wife” to not just the children, but to anyone whose social circles might happen to overlap with both of ours. Any attempt on my family’s part to communicate with the children after their father’s passing was met with hostility and barely-veiled threats.

To contrast, my second husband’s ex-wife has only ever been kind to me and about me to everyone, openly encouraging her children to love me and be happy about their father’s remarriage. We aren’t best friends, we don’t always agree on everything; but we are friendly, and we can come to an agreement on tough issues without animosity. The effect on these children’s mental health and self-concept is monumentally different than in the first case.

Why the background? It’s certainly not to air past grievances, though if you want to hear some wild “I thought that kind of thing only happened as a dramatic ploy in movies” stories, give me a shout. What this is about is, you might say I’ve become rather good at parenting other people’s children.

This is compounded by the fact that, by profession, I’m a teacher. It’s not the best-paying job for a person with a master’s degree, but I love it. I work at a school that is almost smack-dab in the center of Salt Lake County, Utah. I teach high school Spanish, but I’m also privileged to teach improv comedy theatre and coach an amazing team of comedic actors. I don’t expect Spanish to be everyone’s favorite class. It wasn’t mine when I was a teenager. But I build a rapport with my teenaged students that improves my life, and I believe it improves theirs. A lot of people that age don’t feel comfortable talking with their parents about their problems—not because of something wrong with the parents or the kids, but because they’re stretching into the independence of adulthood. I’ve become the trusted adult confidante for some vibrant adolescent people going through things nobody would want to.

I’ve taught in four different schools across two states: both public and charter, in Florida and Utah. I’ve taught at a high school, middle school, a K-8, and a K-12 (though the latter two have had me teach secondary kids only). I’ll be the first to admit, large groups of small children scare me. I adore my sass-bucket of a toddler, and have real love and affection for many children of friends and family members, but once you gather more than five of the really young ones together, I’m looking to skedaddle. My favorite group to teach is high schoolers, followed by middle schoolers. I personally believe that decent people who teach elementary school deserve a free pass straight to heaven.

With my high schoolers, they prefer for me to discipline with humor, even good-natured sarcasm. Yes, it exists. The secret is that they have to recognize that the snark is said with genuine affection and concern for their well-being. Because I have developed an easy-going balance of individuality, respect, and classroom rules that prevent violations of either, I rarely have large discipline issues crop up.

Being a teacher in Utah, which is the well-known capital of mormondom, comes with some interesting variations from the norm I came to know in Florida. In the interest of full disclosure, I am LDS, and have been my whole life. I was raised in a combination of states, birth through age 12 on the East Coast, then junior high through college in Utah. I remember living in the Bible Belt in my later childhood, and meeting people who’d never known a Mormon. My own sister had a close friend once that, when her family found out we were LDS, basically dropped all connection with us. I’ve had friends of other Christian faiths (yes, I do see myself as Christian, and no, I don’t accept your classification of me as not) who have sheepishly told me that their pastors have said some nasty things about my faith over the pulpit. Other friends whose primary knowledge of Mormons come from jokes on South Park, binge-watches of Big Love or Sister Wives, or the Book of Mormon musical. Of course, none of these accurately portray LDS doctrine, and mostly focus on lampooning the culture that has grown up around the religion.

But, bypassing the issues I have with entertainment that purposefully mischaracterizes anybody’s faith, there’s something that’s been on my mind as a student, and much later, a teacher in the Beehive State. When I moved here as an almost-teen, I had some major culture shock, HAVING GROWN UP MORMON. It was strange being one of many Mormon kids at school, hearing others in the halls talk about mutual or going to the temple, or any number of things at school. It was off-putting to me to see some of the same kids who were all mormony at church turn around and say and do some very non-mormony things at school. I often managed to find open-minded friends who were not really judgmental towards others (yeah, I write this after just passing judgment—my whole thing is, whatever you claim to believe, act it, and don’t be a jerk about it). Even as a young teenager, though, it BOILED MY BLOOD when people I knew excluded the non-LDS kids because they weren’t Mormon. And I totally called them on it when I saw it. Because I lived on the other side of that. My mom had it worse, and sometimes told me childhood stories of how kids at her school in South Carolina asked to feel her horns. I mean, our own Sunday School lessons often rehashed the histories of the early members of our faith being verbally abused, physically assaulted in various painful and dehumanizing ways, driven out of a string of places, and even martyred for being different. I wanted sometimes to just scream at people for being so sanctimonious that they couldn’t see how counterproductive it was to our claim of Christianity.

Calm down, Meg. It still makes me really angry, though I like to think it’s more along the lines of Jesus chasing the money-lenders out of the temple than along the lines of Herod being miffed at another king happening and ordering deaths as a result.

Back to the school where I teach. Overall, there have been a few factors that seem to have reduced bullying there greatly from the average school of that size. It still exists: wherever you have teenaged people on the path to self-discovery, you’ll find some whose insecurities drive their mean behavior towards others. But I have seen much less of it in our specific student population. We are also more diverse than your average Utah school. In many areas of the state, a visit to school will show you a bunch of white faces, with a tiny sprinkle of other other groups. This isn’t to say I don’t like white people or any other people, but having lots of different racial, cultural, and religious backgrounds represented is fun and fascinating to me. Humanity is this gorgeous mosaic, and the presence of so many shades of skin and eyes and hair, the scents of foods we call “comfort” and those we deem “exotic”, the songs inherent to the accents of the languages of the Earth...they all make it more beautiful.

I’ve heard kids of both LDS and non-LDS backgrounds bemoan ill treatment from the other side, and rightfully so. I’ve personally overheard some kids making the blanket statements of “all Mormons are...” That being said, it’s not nearly as common as the numerous stories of “they were my friends until it became clear I wasn’t interested in coming to church” from both students AND adults of my acquaintance.

It breaks my heart to think back on this week, hearing a mother recount to me how her daughter, a bright, talented, kind young woman, has been repeatedly marginalized by people who should be her friends on grounds of shared values, not passing acquaintances because she worships differently. Just like any mother, her tears were deep-seated, thinking back on the pain her beautiful child has endured from people who regularly consider themselves to be some of the nicest people in the world.

This is NOT a religious thing. It stands against all doctrine of which I’m aware. By being exclusive, by all these series of small unkindnesses, by being dismissive of those who don’t share ALL beliefs and values, you become for others what we’ve always denounced in the mobs that persecuted the early members of the church.

I’m a believer in the doctrine. The culture we’ve created surrounding it still needs work. I’m an LDS mother, but many of the kids I’ve “adopted” into my tribe as a teacher are not of my faith, and I’m asking you to take and apply Elder Uchtdorf’s words. Stop it. Please love “my” kids as friends for yours as much as you do those of our faith.

They are not a number to be added to our millions. They are not a problem to be solved. They are children of God who deserve to be loved, befriended, and accepted in their beliefs as much as your own children do.

And because I can’t end a blog post without something pulled from one of my fandoms, I’ll leave you with the quote from Yoda, one that I feel applies to all of us: “Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter.”