#A character with insecurities

[casscainmainly]

Guess who's still thinking about them

[heytherecentaurs]

Brennan’s talked before about how as a poor young adult he lived in New York and struggled with food security. He tells a story of going to frozen yogurt places for free samples and a cheap dumpling spot because it was a lot of food.

His opinions on food and his described behaviours around food make a lot of sense in that context. He may be successful now and can be assured he can eat again when he’s hungry, but it appears he has legitimate trauma around his experiences with poverty because what he’s humorously describing is a trauma response. His mind hasn’t gotten rid of the anxiety of “I’m eating now so I better make it count because I don’t know when I will again.”

Because he’s a comedian he manages to frame it as a joke, but there’s certainly an underlying sadness. It also informs Evan Kelmp’s characterization. Capitalism is the root issue here and poverty is state-sanctioned economic abuse.

Anyway, I hope he’s doing well and taking care of himself.

[canisalbus]

✦ Come hell or high water ✦

[autoboros]

Even more inspiration has hit me. Mimic octopus who mirrors people they like

[marciaillust]

trapped in amber

[spiky-imp-teeth]

the thing about the miscommunication trope is that it truly can be SO good when it's done well

[strangedesired]

my freakies <<33

[aficionadoenthusiast]

percy wanted so badly to not be the hero in his own story that he became the hero in everyone else's

annabeth wanted so badly to find a hero to finish her own story that she became the hero in percy's

[teratomatica]

you always land on all fours

[lyxchen]

I'M SORRY did they give Maxine ocd?? (not angry, more like just really surprised) like the light switch and then the "Wrong. Everyone I love will die" and having to flip the light switch again, like that's intrusive thought + compulsion. Was this intentional? Are the writers aware that this is an ocd thing???

[chron0ph0bia]

you know that uncomfortable feeling where every masculine person that was afab in mainstream media, HAS to absolutely have a "oh I LOVE feminity actually omg I am such a woman hippity-dee do I love womanhood dw I'm not ONLY masculine I'm not a MAN and if I wanted to be a man that was just my insecurity at being a woman because I am a WOMAN and wanting to be a man is BAD because IM NOT and my entire character arc will be about realising how much of a woman I really am, how wrong i was to be masculine and the story will end with me growing out my hair and wearing more feminine clothing, this will be unilaterally treated as a good thing by the narrative"

it feels so good to have a word for it.

this is transandrophobia.

[krazieka2]

big things happening on my twitter rn

[nenoname]

stan spending their childhood trying to make ford's polydactyly something positive in ford's life and genuinely believing its super cool....

[silverquillsideas]

So. I have a lot of feels about suo wei's drunk confessions 😭 and I just need to sort them out here.

it all begins at the car, where suo wei tells jiang xiao shuai that he and chi cheng will be strictly business partners from now on, and not get into a relationship, because now that yueyue was out of the picture, his 'goal' was achieved- there was no need for any more contrived plotting, and no reason for him to be involved with chi cheng beyond professional partners.

when jiang xiao shuai asks why, he pulls out a random excuse of being a "straight man" and that he will "marry a woman in the future".

and while we can all laugh good naturedly and dunk on him for unaware of his own sexuality, there's still a grain of truth there. suo wei has always held on to this idea of an imaginary future, a wife and family, a stability, and maybe it was the product of societal conditioning, but he's still struggling with it, in denial about his real feelings. because if he chooses chi cheng, he will have to unlearn all of his "20 years of being straight" conditioning, choose a new path for himself, and that's not something he's ready for yet- because the prospect of going off a familiar, beaten script, one that will never be approved by society (or their families) at large, is terrifying.

but when jxs presses for the real reason, he admits that he does have feelings for chi cheng, that it was different now.

and he then goes off on a dramatic tangent of how, if he starts a relationship with chi cheng, he'll surely have to be the "bottom" and we see jxs laughing at his ridiculous complaints.

and to me, this line is really interesting, because while his silly fear is partially true, but the way suo wei says it here, specifically, is in an intentionally loud, exaggerated manner- almost like he was doing a bit. it's a ready, accessible excuse- a diversion- that he can pull out whenever he feels wrong footed, not yet ready to face the more difficult, more complicated underlying emotions.

because later, we go on to see that that ridiculous excuse wasn't suo wei's real reason at all.

cut to the party, where we see an inebriated suo wei chugging drinks with abandon, so much so, that chi cheng has to come intervene.

and it's here- when his walls are down and his inhibitions are lost- that suo wei finally blurts out his real fears, his most vulnerable, closely guarded feelings.

he can't bear to leave chi cheng.

no matter how many fake excuses he pulls up, no matter how many smoke screens he puts up in front of others, no matter how much he's still lying to himself, his subconscious has already decided what's most important to him- his feelings for chi cheng. the messy, tangled emotions that keep bothering him, his tentative, newfound desire for chi cheng- a man- that he himself isn't ready to face yet. but he still wants to hold on, so badly. and he's terrified that now that he doesn't have any manipulations or schemes left to reel chi cheng in, chi cheng wouldn't have any reason to stay either.

but chi cheng is baffled. because this guy (this extremely besotted guy) can't fathom any other outcome. he reassures suo wei that he was here, that they are not going to part ways.

but suo wei keeps on rambling- pours out all his fears, because now that he's started, he can't stop.

and there it is- suo wei's deepst fear. he doesn't believe in love. because he's been heartbroken before, he's been cast aside repeatedly, he's been bad mouthed and constantly criticized for not doing things right- not being rich enough, not cool enough, not educated enough- a never ending list of just suo wei never being enough.

suo wei doesn't believe in love- because to him, being liked or loved by a partner has always been conditional- in exchange for the things he could offer to the other person. if he paid for expensive meals, yueyue would praise him, if he paid for her clothes, showered gifts on her, she would be happy. and I think, deep down, for the longest time, he'd been convinced that if he had just provided her enough, in the ways she wanted him to, maybe she would have stayed.

yueyue's repeated rejections of him is what ultimately lead to him losing faith in the feeling of love itself.

and so now, he's devastated, because he has nothing else left to give to chi cheng- no more mind games, no more manipulation, no more little lies, no tug of war- and so, what else does suo wei have to offer, so that chi cheng will stay? because surely, it can't be something as flimsy and stupid and untruthful as love.

.

chi cheng attempts to talk to him once more, but suo wei is still very drunk, and his words don't exactly reach him. chi cheng ends up carrying him away from the noisy club room, to the corridors outside, where they can have some semblance of privacy.

and once again, suo wei latches onto his desperation, and pleads chi cheng not to leave him, no matter what.

and once again, chi cheng reassures him, that he isn't going anywhere, that he'll stay the night with him, take care of him- even though he knows that suo wei can't fully comprehend whatever he's saying at the moment.

this last hug is so precious. my heart absolutely melted to a puddle on the floor. you can literally feel how much chi cheng means every single word he says here- I'll always be with you.

because now that chi cheng has finally let go of his past, defied his family, and thrown his lot with his Da Bao- his one and only silly little loser guy (affectionate), he'll be making very sure to keep his promise, keep on loving suo wei- until suo wei can learn to love himself.

[blodwyrm]

giant moray eel my beloved

[thedarkestrivernymph]

Soft Yandere! Clan Leader x Wife!Reader

warnings: self-hatred, insecure! reader, nudity, only brief mentions of nsfw themes

genre: fluff, comfort

©Copyright -2024-thedarkestrivernymph - All Rights Reserved

You felt hot, flashing pain trickle down your throat to settle in the depth of your chest—lungs aching from the strain, face nearly purple as you held a bated breath, eyes squeezed shut, trying your best to avoid his gaze.

“I am sorry—” your voice was all but a meek squeak. “—I know this wasn't what you were expecting.” nimble fingers curled and tugged at your robes, keeping them positioned in front of you bare state—as you couldn't help but bow your head in utter shame, feeling the weight of your imperfections bear down on you.

The man hovering above your kneeling form remained silent, opting for assessing and scrutinizing you with the sharp whiplash of his gaze alone.

“I know—you're unhappy about this—my family will repay the trinkets your clan gifted us so graciously. Just please don't act rash and revoke the marriage—” you couldn't even finish uttering the words wobbling from your quivering lips before a sob ripped free from your throat and you just had to bury your face into the silkiness of your robes.

There was a sigh, then a long pause as you wailed, bashfully, scrambling to try and hide as much of your figure as possible, feeling slimy and dirty, hideous even, to have thrown yourself at the head of one of the biggest clan’s like a loose woman—as if you held your legs open for just anybody.

“Calm your nerves.” his voice was gruff, tinged with exasperation, as the rough pads of his fingers brushed over your forehead to trace your hairline and find a rhythmic pattern petting your crown. “I will do no such thing, my bride, can't you even look at me?” he was kind, much too kind towards something as filthy as you were.

“I cannot—” you rasped between laboured breaths and high-pitched mewls muffled by your bloated bottom lip; bitten raw.

“You're upset. Why are you so saddened? What has caused you anguish? You're my wife—you do not need to lower your gaze in shame.” he whispered tentatively and before you knew it, he had peeled away the annoying piece of fabric obscuring your adorable sniffling face from him. “Do not cry. Our families expect of us to lay together—but if you fear it this much, we can wait. I can wait, my wife, why won't you calm?” chiffon, something akin to a gentle breeze caressing you—that’s what his voice was like, lulling you into a daze; sweet candy to lure you out of your hiding.

So, finally, scraping together all the courage you had, you raised your gaze to meet his, immediately regretting it, as the gentleness in his, so misdirected at something as ugly as you were, made you burst out into another fit of hysterics. “No, no, no. You're—you’re just too nice. Throwing myself at you like a whore—you deserve better. A refined lady. That's what you need and our clans expect—but I am no such thing. I—I am hideous, please, stop looking at me with such kindness. I apologise, husband, I am ruining the first night and I can't just stop and—”

“Breathe” you felt your cheek press into a chest and finally the furrow between your brows eased as you let something almost primal escape you, breaking down all too horribly until your head throbbed in an ache and your nose was stuffy and runny—and while you unleashed your inner demons, he was petting you, cooing at you, reminding you to stay grounded.

“My wife—” he chirped once it was over and you exhausted your capacity to cry any further, sinking into the soft covers of your martial bed like a heavy sack of sand, “I am blessed to be yours.” you felt him interlace his thick fingers with yours, brushing over the back of your hand subtly yet affectionately, as the moon filtered through the curtains to lay strips of silver across you both.

“Can you even imagine how much I yearned for this very moment? To claim that you're mine, not just in spirit—with our two clans permanently intertwined? Since the day you passed by me at the market all my waking moments have been filled with longing for you. So how could you ever call the woman I love all these distasteful names?” he chased away all the bad thoughts as your numbed body laid against his, arms so powerful you were sure they could've squeezed you to death if he was lying, but it didn't seem so—not him, not the most perfect man you knew, the one you were certain deserved better than you.

“You're silent, my wife.” he paused. “It seems your husband lacks the ability to truly convince you of his feelings.” he pressed a kiss to your crown, sighing softly while scooping you closer to his warmth. "Do not fret. We have our entire lives left. If you cannot trust me yet, then I will teach you how—I will convince you of my earnest feelings, even if it takes a lifetime. Because—” he pressed a kiss to your forehead this time, staring down at your bare form beneath the covers, cuddled up in his arms, with tears smeared across your cheeks so beautifully. “ask and I would even bring down the moon for you.”