#99 Neighbors

[w3akattheknees]

Hello friend

Down on my luck

My world is in pieces, do you know the secrets to falling in love?

How did I get here?

Do you feel the same?

Sorry I’m callin, it’s 4 in the morning and you’re fading away

Will you share this dance with me before I go?

Tell me that you care for me even though you don’t

And if you’re my forever, why you keep running away?

Ooooh

Hope you’re doing better, I’m just happy you remembered my face

[talesfrommedinastation]

Redneck Doug watches 'The Bad Batch: A Different Approach'

Believe it or not, this episode started the first real argument between Doug and I!

Hope y'all enjoy it.

CW: Language and Doug is surprisingly critical of fat folks, despite the fact that he's from one of the least healthy states in the USA, has a massive beer gut, and can put away a whole rack of ribs and multiple barbeque fixin's in one sitting. I've seen it in person, folks. We were snipping at each other over fatphobia, glass houses, and the merits of The Treasure State after this.

I might have sacrificed my invitation to his St Patrick's Day party as a result. Oh well.

---------------------------------------------------------

Episode 4: “Adventures in Space Montana” 

(image from @ladyzirkonia)

And we’re starting off with Little Orphan Blondie behind the wheel of a stolen vehicle because the girl is every inch her hillbilly brothers family.

Why is the plane on fire? Does this end like Alive? I thought ships couldn’t burn in space, I mean, I studied engineering, worked in oil, girl I remember Event Horizon.

Whelp, they crashed in a cold-ass field with some pointy mountains behind them. Clearly Montana. Maybe there’s a national park nearby and they can go hiking.

Aw, no, Mutant Jimmers is stuck behind Daddy Warcrimes’s seat! Let the ol girl out before she pees all over the spare tire!

Did they bring their guns? Hope they did. This is Montana, the Texas of the north, except you can’t find the bodies anywhere. If I was gonna go and murder someone, I’d pick Montana after Alaska.  

(Pictured: Omega and Crosshair are somewhere in this picture)

A sketchy cold-ass town where everyone’s gambling, there’s too much military trash wandering around and you see your breath even inside the bar? Yup, definitely Montana. 

(“Montana is not like that! I’ve been there multiple times! I almost went to grad school at UM and the kayaking, skiing, hiking, and breweries are amazing!” - Me, defending a state I have never lived in

“Yeah, but have you been to Butte? Thought I was gonna go get eaten by the locals there.” - Doug

::proceed to bicker and fight via texts about the many merits and demerits of the Big Sky State::)

Aw yeah, Daddy Warcrimes and Little Orphan Blondie got new clothes. Smart man, covering his face, Daddy Warcrimes. He totally looks like me when I gotta rake the lawn in November. I like that sweater, think they’ll sell them at Disneyland? 

And they’re back to gambling. See! I told you this was Montana! They even have a gun rack!

Look at Little Orphan Blondie taking down fools with some cards! I bet Ryan-from-Accounting is smiling watching from Heaven or wherever he’s fighting the Space Balrog to come back as Space Gandalf. 

Oh who is this fat fuck. Lord a mercy, is he the one fat imperial we have ever seen? Man I tell you what I bet he’s too hefty to ride in an AT-AT and that’s why they sent him to Space Montana, thinking the hiking and eating venison and berries will slim that brother up.

Maybe Vader will force him to run while carrying Palpatine like we did to other recruits in the Navy. 

Nope, he’s gambling with a little girl in a bar, because the Empire just can’t follow rules now can it. That don’t make any sense. I’m with you, Daddy Warcrimes, giving that sour puss to everyone. I would too. 

And now Officer Fat Fuck is gone done taking money from a child who beat him fair and square. Yup, he works for the government, all right. I bet he manages the Empire’s DMV.

Creepy little street boy wants some cash to tell them where they took Mutant Jimmers. I don’t blame the boy, it looks like no one wants to buy his shitty watermelon and he ain’t got a face.

Why in the hell are there so many animals in crates and shit here? They starting a zoo or something? Is it all to feed Officer Fat Fuck? I need info on this. 

Shit yeah, fire them guns, Daddy Warcrimes! It’s your time to shine, big boy!

Oh yeah they freed Mutant Jimmers! And everybody else. Oh man, is that a kraken? Whelp, its dinner tonight is Officer Fat Fuck. Good on ya, kraken, you may be named after the world’s worst hockey team but ain’t bad all the time now. 

(pictured: they keep losing games but hey they at least eat imperial officers?)

Gotta fry some dumb Imperial while you’re leaving, of course. Why they wearing them goggles when they got helmets on? Shit, real dumb. Don’t like the Inspector Gadget trench coats either, those can get caught real quick in a door and that’s how you get shot and all. 

Ah yeah, they saved their cash, grabbed a ship, and they’re off to the moon! There they go! 

DADDY RAMBO LITTLE ORPHAN BLONDIE JULIO AND DADDY WARCRIMES ALL BACK TOGETHER! OH MY LORD MEAT MUFFIN I AIN’T EXPECTING THIS THIS EARLY! WOW! 

(image from @dreamswithghosts)

And Mutant Jimmers is with them too. It’s a good day on the moon! 

Tagging Doug's fans of course: @skellymom @cdblake1565 @megmca @sued134 @eyecandyeoz @amalthiaph @yeehawgeek @eelfuneral @thecoffeelorian @lightwise @archivistofnerddom @askyourfox @heavenseed76 @totallyunidentified

[roseworth]

i have a theory that my upstairs neighbor got a curse placed on them so every day after the sun goes down they have to do the loudest jumping jacks possible for an hour or they'll die

[xylophone888]

currently in deep heavy thought about rincewind quietly watching ponder running around doing everything someone else didn't do enough or at all barely stopping himself from accidentally jumping out of his own skin carrying the entire university in one hand and the entire discworld in the other during the whole roundworld elves thing all the way up until one day as ponder fully out of both physical and metaphorical breath crashes down on a tiny wooden chair next to hexs huge metallic strangely alive side rincewind carefully inquires from his lab mouse corner: "so sorry to interrupt but since you've been writing so many different things into this registry of yours i cannot help but ask uhhh, isn't the bursar supposed to be doing this? is anything other than the usual wrong with him?" and ponder who was already getting up to start working on something again suddenly feels too weak to even sit up straight and falls down into his chair

[lingering-sunrise]

.

[kil9]

probably my biggest killjoy moment is that i think 9/11 jokes can go way too far. i think people like to dunk on "america" as a vague concept, but i dont think a government being bad means that 2 buildings and 4 commercial flights of regular people deserved to die...

[joojdraws]

My headcanon birthday for Rarold is January 3, so happy birthday to him!! 🌽🎉🎂

[ohitslen]

I have something really crazy to tell you, 🎉Ch. 3 of The neighbor from 311 is up!🎉 Happy new year btw I doubt I will post anything here before the 31st so YAAAY :D

[fishing-for-blood]

Cannot stress ear plugs for pride events more !!! Originally I avoided all pride events myself for the reasons I'm about to state, but I went to Houston pride a few years ago to march in it with my mom and some of the people she was contracted with at her job at the time, and while I don't have misophonia, I do have issues with overly loud and crowded areas due to other things . By the end of the night when the adrenaline died down, I was damn near in the grave . Took me a couple weeks to recover, but I know if I'd have had ear plugs, it'd have been a WAY different story 😭

Oh man I really appreciate you trying to help, but already I do not go in public without both ear plugs and noise canceling headphones on my person. Normally I only ever need one or the other at a time but in this case even wearing both simultaneously didn't even begin to help. Genuinely don't think there's anything I could have done short of being actually deaf

[dumbdiscodragon]

literally going through everyone I follow on tiktok and copying down their linktree/carrds/whatever links they have in case this stupid fucking censorship ban goes through.

[kai-sv]

guess who woke up to the sounds of mice SPRINTING through the baseboards in the middle of the night and found chewed up papers on her nightstand 🙋🏻‍♀️

[talesfrommedinastation]

My redneck neighbor Doug watches 'Bad Territory'

As a few people have quickly surmised, the Bad Batch episode in which they go to Space Swampy Badtimes and punch gators was going to send Doug over the edge with joy. Y'all right!

So, turn up the CCR to 'Born on the Bayou', and prepare for some of the more unhinged things Doug's texted me.

CW: Little more mild, just excitement. When Doug starts rambling about Cajun food, just click here. He says it's one of the best places for boudin and bbq and they'll even process a deer you found on the highway.

------------------------------------------------------------

Episode 8: “::happy Cajun noises::”

Well we back in Space Daytona, outside the HMS Search Warrant because Daddy Rambo can’t afford a trailer now. Does that thing have air conditioning? 

Man, Toaster Strudel’s always gone, is he a space trucker now or what.

Oh, man, it’s Church Lady! She don’t seem too upset by Ryan-from-Accounting being somewhere else, fighting the Space Balrog. But we know why she’s not sad. 

(Does this involve Mayday?

"Who?"

Sassy Park Ranger?

"Hell yeah it does! He’s her beau."

What about Ryan-from-Accounting?

"I done told you once I tell you again RYAN-FROM-ACCOUNTING DIDN’T DESERVE THAT SMART INDEPENDENT WOMAN NONE!")

Maybe Daddy Warcrimes will hang out with Church Lady and she can double dip with him and Sassy Park Ranger. It’s Thanksgiving, dark meat and white meat are on the plate.

(WTF?!)

Well you know why Church Lady’s the Church Lady? She’s been talking to other church folks and if there’s one person who knows how to get info on people it’s the church ladies. Seriously, how do you think they organize EVERYTHING and know EVERYONE. You think they go to church for Jesus that’s a bald lie up in here. 

So Julio fires up the stolen work truck and he and Daddy Rambo are off. 

Wait, if that’s their home, where Little Orphan Blondie and Daddy Warcrimes sleeping? The beach? Come on now. 

Aw, shit, man, is that THOTH STATION?! Meat Muffin, these show people reading your white trash love story book and made it into reality! They owe you MONEY GIRL! Think they’ll meet Fred Johnson or Anderson Dawes?!

And look it’s CAMINA DRUMMER! 

Oh wait no that’s that Chick-that’s-in-Everything! Looks like she’s doing business with the guy Han Solo shot in the club. Think she’s selling him Columbian nose candy? 

Well she’s drinking a whole thing of pinot, don’t blame her, I’d be drinking if Daddy Rambo was up in my club whining for names. Go on the Facebook, Daddy Rambo, it’d be easier.

They’re off somewhere else to help the Chick-that’s-in-Everything. OH MY SWEET TITS OF CHRIST THEY IN LOUISIANA AGAIN! IT’S AN OIL REFINERY! No one can breath! They got a PONTOON! Everything’s orange and sticky!

Oh look at them out in them stinky bayous of Terrebonne Parish! Man did they film this entire season in my home state like it’s the first season of True Detective now I wonder. Man that was a good show. 

Aw man, mines in the water! It IS TERREBONNE PARISH! “He won’t expect us,” damn right he won’t. The Chick-Thats-In-Everything sure knows her shit. She’s a redneck hunter and the lady’s got grit. I wonder if she’s caught Steven Segal. 

There better be OH MAN IT IS! 

SPACE GATORS!!!!!

YEAH! PUNCH EM JULIO! SHOOT EM CHICK-THAT’S-IN-EVERYTHING! OH DADDY RAMBO GOT CAUGHT BUT JULIO PUNCHED IT TOO! PUNCHING GATORS AND THROWING KNIVES AND SHOOTING GUNS IN THE BAYOU, MEAT MUFFIN I LOVE THIS DAMN SHOW!!!!!

The only bad thing about this is now I need to go back to Thibodaux to Bourgeois and get some crawfish boudin, maybe some cracklings, some hogshead cheese too. 

Daddy Warcrimes is doing that thing where you sit around and breathe. Jenny tells me to do that. I’m like woman I do that every damn day at work what’s the difference now. 

They’re at the place–it’s a shack in the woods surrounded by home made bombs and the owner’s armed to the teeth?! MEAT MUFFIN THEY GONE DONE AND FILMED IT AT MY COUSIN CLAYTON'S HOUSE IN TERREBONNE PARISH NOW!!!!

Oh man it ain’t my cousin Clayton whose been weird since he got out of Angola,  now they’re hunting Jeff Goldblum from The Fly! Except now he’s a mantis! Hate those things. Jenny set one on fire after she caught it snapping at one of her hummingbirds. That woman, man, you don’t mess with her garden, she’ll take out the hairspray and a lighter and make a torch out of it. Love her. Married two dozen years now.*

Oh! Jeff Goldblum is trying to escape–but the Chick-That’s-In-Everything knows her shit and cuts her own wire to the pontoon! Maybe she IS Camina Drummer after all. 

Oh, man, they done got that mantis son of a bitch. Now, back to Thoth Station, and of course, the Chick-That’s-in-Everything ain’t coughing up a dime. Just flings Daddy Rambo right off her ship. 

Oh, man, who is she calling? 

I hope it’s not Gun-Safety-Muppet, I hate that blue bastard. 

*= Jenny is a delight and really does flip from ‘Sweetie, you need to meditate’ to ‘I will set bugs on fire for threatening my birds’. She’s the one who taught Jimmers to corner and kill everything in their yard.

@skellymom @cdblake1565 @sued134 @amalthiaph @yeehawgeek @merkitty49 @eyecandyeoz @isthereanechoinhere96 who else loves Redneck Doug?

If you want to be added, please let me know!

PS- I have his ramblings from the last two episodes, but they were not nearly as deranged as this.

[gummybugg]

The little stray cat I found loves to headbutt me like a little goat 💜

lovely little goat pal, you brighten up my day

[contradictivs]

not to be too saucy on a tuesday night but sb taking advantage of ryder’s ’light’ breeding kink <3

[error404vnotfound]

Fwend help me. I’m so lost.

I thought Saints were like religious people that the Catholics were like “they are holy and help out with x, y, z” and have their own little prayers.

WHAT IS A PATRON SAINT—

Do saints not have to be holy??? I ???

Are there good and bad saints ??

Then again I guess the Bible is full of questionable prophets—

So that checks out. BUT STILL.

(I’m not attacking btw) (I am genuinely curious and confused)

nono, they are that's what a saint is

the confusion I think comes from a cultural thing here because when I think of saint I don't go "oh yeah martyrs that died for religion" I think "my bestie Sant Jordi <3 dia del llibre my beloved. my bestie Sant Joan another banger holiday <3 and because of Santa oliva i never had class the 10th of June thanks bestie" and "yeah when it's the day of the saint with my legal name I get money"

and it's because here basically every single day is the day of a saint, and every town and sometimes neighborhoods have their own (patron) saint, etc, so the actual meaning of saint is quite lost on me when talking in general about them (again I put the emphasis on patron and not on saint)

and a patron saint is just. the Thing the saint got prayed to. here mostly it's the saint of your town (not because they were from it but because of a bunch of different reasons). in my town it's Santa Oliva because it's been a town that produces olive oil since forever and people back then prayed to her so their crops would be plentiful (oliva is olive in Catalan btw) and eventually the Pope said yeah we'll give this town Santa Oliva as their patron saint

so,,, yeah don't know if that's clearer