#911 s7 coda

[disasterbuck]

5 times Buck didn't break

7x10 coda

When Bobby didn't text him back that morning, Buck didn't think much of it. It had been a while since the lightning strike and he was a lot more settled in his own skin again; he didn't need quite as much reassurance from his checklist to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

And then Eddie called him, sounding panicked and stressed, and all other thoughts fled from Buck's mind as he rushed over to help his best friend.

When he got the call at Eddie's house that Bobby was in the hospital, his mind was still too full of everything Eddie had just told him to really comprehend the news. He switched over to first responder mode, gently interrupting Eddie's conversation with his parents to tell him they needed to go.

Standing in the hospital with his true family, staring at where Bobby was hooked up to a ventilator, Buck felt himself begin to crack. A ringing started up in his ears, silencing everything, and a tightness began squeezing his heart painfully. He couldn't lose Bobby. He just couldn't. He felt his fingers start to tingle and knew they were a warning sign, but he couldn't —

Then the others were talking again, and he forced himself to snap out of it so that he could listen to what was going on. He forced himself to focus on the mystery of who had set the fire, allowing it to distract him and bring his body back under control.

He held himself together the whole day. Before he knew it he was letting out a quiet sigh of relief as Bobby smiled up at him sleepily, and then he was stepping back to let Athena through, and everything was going to be okay so he didn't need to worry anymore.

When Tommy asked how he was on their date that night, he shied away from telling the whole truth. So he only told some of it, just touching the edges of his fear and his love for Bobby, and then allowed Tommy to steer the conversation onto solid ground again – flirting was much safer than admitting he'd almost had a panic attack.

And then Chris was leaving, going with his grandparents to stay in Texas for a while because he was angry at Eddie and Buck had failed to talk him round.

Buck had failed, and all he could do was put a hand on Eddie's shoulder and hold himself together so that if Eddie needed him, he could be there. He could be Eddie's rock. He needed to be Eddie's rock.

There simply wasn't time for him to think about anything else.

-

Tags & end note 👇

I hope I've used the term coda correctly! It's my first time doing anything like this.

Originally I was going to make it a "5 + 1" thing but in the end I couldn't see Buck allowing himself to break down, not with Eddie so fragile as well. So for now... he's holding himself together. I guess we'll have to wait and see what happens.

Tags 💕

@dluoser @taketheplanspinitsideways @loudenthusiastic @wallywise @mxrcjqckspnchqsc

@i-am-married-to-my-fandom @therosesaredying @stillfuckingtired @classtrialguru @speggle

@awesome-igi @natnuszsstuff @olliesrants @crazyfangirlallert @delirium1995

@brah3280 @meanceclosetohell @anythingeverythingallofthetime @izzysbeans @jesuiscenseedormir

@darkrose6578 @veronae-buddie @steadfastsaturnsrings @loveyouanyway @inell

@spicyrottingbrains @gnoeltop @idealuk @donationwayne @lemotmo

@firefighterevandiaz @realpersonwithrealfeelings @superlock-in-the-tardis @mjthe14thdoctor @strxwbereee

@idontknowwhatimdoing777 @ashleigh2658 @mari-lwyd-fannibal-blog @mineyneedsmoney @faithhopeandmisery

Let me know if you'd like to be added or removed 💕

[inawickedlittletown]

Rather Be The Hunter Than The Prey (BuckTommy fic) - 7x10 coda

Author's note: Title comes from Natural by Imagine Dragons.

At first, he didn’t tell Tommy because it wasn’t something Buck could just say over the phone or text. A part of him had hoped that Chim would spill the beans and that it wouldn’t be up to Buck. Then again, Chim and Hen both had their own baggage when it came to their new Captain. Captain Gerrard was every bit of a tyrant, misogynist, racist, homophobe that Hen, Chim, and Tommy had painted him out to be. Maybe he was even worse. 

Bobby told them to tolerate it. He needed to clear the air with the Chief and it wouldn’t help to anger Gerrard. Grin and bear it. None of them liked the plan exactly, but Hen had a feeling that they would get targeted if they made a fuss. She was thinking about the councilwoman and had some kind of suspicion that she was involved in Gerrard’s return to the 118. They also couldn’t forget that the Chief had given them medals purely for the PR — though they were deserved. After all, they all knew that they had disobeyed orders and stolen a LAFD helicopter no matter what the outcome had been. 

Buck was losing count of how often he had to just hold his tongue. The comments, the sneers, the belittlement. It was worse than Buck could have expected it. Ravi seemed to get the worst of it. Extra cleaning and menial tasks on top of all the racist remarks. Forget trying to step up and help him, because Gerrard didn’t like that either. He didn’t like a lot of things, like his exact orders not being followed. Or anyone that dared to question any of his decisions. He even huffed about it when he did turn out to be wrong. 

After those first few shifts, Buck just didn’t say anything because he and Tommy had opposing schedules and what little time they had together couldn’t be spent discussing Gerrard. Buck wanted to kiss his boyfriend in peace and not think about the mess that was work. 

Then, when they did finally have time off together, Buck was so exhausted both physically and mentally that he wanted nothing more than to just be cuddled by his boyfriend. He excused it, because Tommy didn’t ask about work. 

Buck didn’t know how Tommy hadn’t heard. Maybe Air Operations got their gossip a bit late. 

They all wrote letters of complaint. Hen documented every instance of Gerrard’s movements. Any bad decision out on a call was written down. Every time he talked down to them and used a slur. Every time he bullied any of them. 

The weird part was when he tried to be friendly. He started with Eddie. Maybe because Eddie was white passing and because Eddie was straight. Eddie was surprisingly good at not rocking the boat, though Buck should have known that. Eddie never agreed with him, was stony faced whenever Gerrard tried to joke with him in a way that put down everyone else. A few times, Buck heard Eddie say something back, but he wasn’t in any place to fight anyone’s battles. 

Buck had to ball up his fists and press his nails into the palms of his hands as a reminder that this man did have power over him and also the ear of the Chief apparently. Bobby wasn’t getting anywhere no matter who he talked to. 

Buck didn’t know how Tommy found out. Maybe the gossip finally reached him, or Chim finally told him. Maybe Eddie mentioned it at basketball. 

It was right after Buck got home from a twenty four hour that had felt more like a forty eight. He hadn’t been there long, when a knock came. He opened the door to find Tommy there, looking a little exasperated. Buck couldn’t even remember making plans with him. 

“Why didn’t you say something?” Tommy asked. 

“About—”

“Evan,” Tommy said and he said it in that way of his that made his name mean more. 

“You’re talking about Gerrard,” Buck said and he hung his head. “I didn’t mean to not tell you.” 

Tommy sighed. He didn’t look upset as much as annoyed. Buck hated it. He motioned him inside. 

“He’s awful. More than awful. Despicable,” Buck said. 

“How did this even happen?” Tommy asked, gentler. 

Wordlessly, Buck went to his fridge and pulled out two beers. His usual choice and the ones he stocked up on just for Tommy. 

“Bobby was planning on retiring early. He quit before the fire. Changed his mind, but Gerrard had already talked his way into Bobby’s job. It doesn’t help that we had that audit from Internal Affairs and the Chief knows what really happened when we rescued Bobby and Athena. Hen thinks Councilwoman Ortiz is involved. It’s been awful.”

“Oh, Evan,” Tommy said. 

When he found himself in Tommy’s arms, Buck just deflated. He fell into him and knew his boyfriend would catch him and hold him. He may not be able to fix it, but he would certainly do his best to at least comfort Buck. 

“He just…he makes all kinds of comments and he’s changed practically everything. Bobby told us to just not let it get to us. Hen’s been documenting everything. Eddie’s depressed without Christopher. Chim is just about as done as I am. We’re surviving, but work kind of sucks right now.”

Tommy hugged him harder. 

“I’m still a little mad at you,” Tommy said, when he finally let him go. “You should have told me. I hate…I hate to think you were suffering and I didn’t know.” 

“I didn’t…I know what he did to you, Tommy. I didn’t want to bring any of that back.” 

Tommy gave him a look, but Buck had seen first hand how Gerrard still affected Tommy. He didn’t want to see that again, not after experiencing Gerrard for himself. 

“Messing with me is one thing. You…well that’s another,” Tommy said and he walked around the island. “Hen and Chim don’t deserve this either. I’m going to shake some trees, alright? The 118 got rid of him once, it can be done a second time. That man shouldn’t even be working for LAFD anymore.” 

“Bobby’s been trying from the moment we found out he was taking over,” Buck said. “We’ve all been complaining daily.”

Tommy made a humming noise. “Then that just means they have to see his behavior first hand. And not by the Chief.”

Buck was too tired for conspiring to get rid of his boss when he didn’t fully expect things to work. After getting called a fairy and weak, and after the day Gerrard said people like him were abominations, Buck was exhausted. 

“What are you going to do?” 

Tommy smiled at him, slid a hand to his cheek. “I have a few people to call up. Not tonight. Tonight, I take care of you.” 

“Tomorrow world domination?” Buck asked. 

Tommy leaned forward, pressing their lips together into a quick kiss, thumb rubbing gently on Buck’s cheek. 

“Tomorrow I call in some favors,” Tommy said when their kiss ended. “Right now, I’m calling for dinner.” 

Buck laughed. He kissed him again, drawing him in deeper. He was falling for him, falling deep. It wasn’t scary, which was maybe scary in and of itself. When they pulled apart, Tommy pointed upstairs. 

“Go get changed. I’ll order us a pizza. We can watch one of your documentaries.” 

Buck kissed him again. This time short, almost just a peck. He stared at Tommy for a beat too long before he turned to head upstairs. His boyfriend was amazing. Gorgeous. Kind. Understanding. 

Later, when they were cuddling on the couch, a pizza box on the coffee table and their beer bottles discarded empty next to the box, Buck thought that maybe it didn’t matter much about Gerrard, not when Buck had Tommy. He brought up one of Tommy’s hands so he could place a kiss on it. Tommy kissed his shoulder. Neither of them said a word, the silence filled instead with the narrator of the nature documentary they’d put on.

[honestlydarkprincess]

if i died last night (it would haunt me forever)

buck x eddie || rated: t || wc: 864

It was no secret that their jobs were incredibly dangerous. Buck knew that, better than most. After all, he had actually died after being struck by lightning on the job. It was something that encouraged Buck to try and live life to the fullest, because you never knew when would be your last day.

And yet.

Even knowing all of that, Buck still struggled to do the thing he wanted to do most: tell Eddie how he felt.

Or, the one where Buck can't go another night without telling Eddie how he feels.

read on ao3

[edsdiazz]

Me: *wakes up at 6am to run to Tumblr and watch all the spoilers from the finale*

Me 5 seconds later: *runs to the Buck/Eddie tag on ao3*

[leothil]

fic recs: archive edition 15

Hello again and happy 911 bts posting season! To cope with the longing for S7 and maybe find some more inspiration for spec and spiraling sessions, why not take a look at some fall 2021 fics. We've got AUs, codas, and a whole lot of Eddie and Buck talking in the kitchen.

Find all the previous archive recommendations here!

a touch of someone else (to save me from myself) by allyasavedtheday (@littlespoonevan) Canon divergence where Eddie joins the 118 in S1 instead of S2, which means Eddie meets Buck 1.0. Very sweet and funny! 19.4k words, rated T

at the kitchen table by iphigenias (@oatflatwhite) Coda to 5x03. Eddie is single, Buck isn't, and they address the elephant in the room. The truest tag of them all: "the inherent homoeroticism of Eddie and Buck in a kitchen" 1.6k words, rated T

Bases Loaded by @lamardeuse It starts with them getting together, and Eddie asks to go slow. Every scene is a slow escalation one step further, and I'll be honest this is probably up there in fics I've reread the most in this fandom. Also look at this artwork by @luluxa, I'm obsessed with it! 2.1k words, rated E

tell the whole wide world and this room by @hattalove Established relationship fluff where Eddie proves he actually listens to and remembers all the random fun facts Buck tells him. I'm-melting-over-it sweet, and yes, they're, naturally, in the kitchen. 5.2k words, rated T

everything i feel for you (it hits me) by lecornergirl (@clusterbuck) Buck kisses Eddie, freaks out, and runs to Maddie and Chimney. Quoting the author: "for frida, as an apology for dragging her into this clown car of a fandom." Seeing as I'm still here two and a half years later with no end in sight, I think the apology isn't needed anymore. 1.6k words, rated G

Enjoy, everyone!

[epicbuddieficrecs]

Weekly Recap | March 11th-17th 2024

That premiere guys!!!!! Was so good!!!!! I'm so excited to be FINALLY be a part of the fandom while the show is actually airing! 😃 Can't wait to read all the amazing fics that are gonna be spawned from season 7!

Speaking of that, I would like to encourage everyone to use the relevant Ao3 tags when writing fics based on S7 content! Not everyone can watch the episodes as they air, so tags are really essential for people who don't want to get spoiled! (I could even make a separate post about it? a sort-of "how to tag" post?). In case you want to block some tumblr tags, my main tags for S7 are #911 season 7, #911 on abc, or #911 spoilers.

(Posting this one day early cause I don't feel like waiting until tomorrow! Enjoy! 😆)

Complete

i find peace in your smile by goforeddie/@iltrpls (A/B/O AU | 1K | General): They’ve been courting for a few months now. It’s agonizingly slow, but it’s still the best time they’ve ever had. You might think that after six years of walking on eggshells around each other, half a decade of “will-they-won’t-they” they wouldn’t be taking such a slow time with courting, but it's precisely everything that they’ve been through that makes them appreciate things a little better.

Birthday Flowers by Tizniz/ @tizniz (Pre-Buddie | 2K | General): OR: Buck gets Eddie flowers for his birthday. 

🔥 if i need to rearrange my particles — i will for you. by dylaesthetics (Post-S6, Identity Porn | 45K | Teen): OR Buck joins a support app for first responders and matches with a firefighter who has PTSD and a kid who likes giraffes, apparently.

Lime Jell-O by rainbow_nerds/ @rainbow-nerdss (S7E01: Abandon 'Ships | 3K | Teen): Eddie Diaz didn't panic. Or, well... Maybe he did. Sometimes. But he was working on it.

take the bed warmed by the body by lecornergirl/ @clusterbuck (Getting Together | 2K | Teen): It’s three parts bravado and one part reminder. He thinks about it, sometimes, his first shift at the 118—he doesn’t think either of them quite knew how much they’d meant it when they’d promised to have each other’s backs. He definitely hadn’t known, then, that he’d wake up one day and wonder why Buck isn’t in his bed. Because that’s what’s missing. He has a vague memory of falling asleep with his head resting against Buck’s shoulder, their legs tangled together.

Taken Space by Wildgirl93/ @wildlife4life (S7E01 Coda | 1K | General): Eddie and Marisol talk about the space that has already been taken.

Feel Like I Landed On The Moon by Tizniz/ @tizniz (Canon Divergent | 1K | General): OR: Eddie is pining for Buck while in Texas.

Fractals from the Lightning Bolt by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (One Shots Collection | 98K | Not Rated): A collection of oneshots, some originally posted on tumblr. Each chapter is individually rated.

53. A Dream You've Had Before (Explicit) 54. We're Definitely All Sluts Here (Explicit)

if you love someone by chronicallystendan (Pre-Buddie | 1K | General): Buck and Eddie both internally panic when a song comes on the radio that seems to be talking directly to them.

adventures of firehose and eightpack by brewrosemilk/ @gayhoediaz (Social Media fic | 1,5K | Mature): Or: Eddie stumbles upon Buck's old twitter account.

Two, Three Times in a Row by Leslie_Knope (PWP | 6K | Explicit): “We could’ve gone again.” Eddie snorts. “I’m old. You expect me to get it up twice?” “Yes,” Buck says, like it’s a given, like duh. “I could get you to do it right now.” The entire world pauses, and Eddie actually feels it, the bolt of arousal slinking down his spine all the way to his toes. He wets his lips. “Right now?”

WIP

🔥 miracles under your sighs and moans by napricot (Sex Pollen, PWP | 1/2 | 13K | Explicit): When Eddie gets exposed to an experimental aphrodisiac on a call, he realizes there’s only one person he trusts to help him get through it: Buck.

🔥 because we'll all arrive in heaven alive by callmenewbie/ @puppyboybuckley (Post-S6, Disaster Fic | 9/10 | 63K | Explicit): During a search and rescue, Eddie disappears without a trace, leaving Buck to grapple with the sudden possibility of a life without him.

~

if you know anyone that is not tagged, please tag them in the comments!

[wildlife4life]

Okay I’m getting off tumblr for the rest of the night. I need to settle more and just… idk be less upset and remind myself it’s just a tv show that I started watching before buddie was even a thing, before Eddie even joined. I just don’t like where my head is at and I want to be positive again and enjoy 911 still. I want to be happy for S7. But right now I’m not.

Honestly I can’t see myself writing a coda for the finale. Maybe once my spirits are lifted and I’m given hope and inspiration. We’ll see. I look forward to everyone else’s codas.

I am still a buddie stan and them not getting a inkling to come is not what’s upsetting me. It’s the reused storyline of Buck taking back a girl who ran from him yet according to interviews it’s not?, the couch being for another girlfriend when I feel like we were being shown a whole different direction with the diaz boys, and just the hypocrisy of using Buck and Eddie for the whole relationship drama because everyone else is settled and happy.

*sigh* sorry for being a downer. Really. I hate being like this. But I’m going to not pull a Buck and actually learn from this, which means having lower expectations and maybe not look so deep into certain aspects of the show.

Please send hugs and hope as I drown in fanfic and possibly return to OUAT for a bit. Need a palate cleanse with CaptainSwan, where chemistry led to a beautiful relationship.

[fiona-fififi]

911 Fic Masterlist

Warmth (Ao3 | tumblr)

Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz | G | 699

A tiny little fluffy snapshot of a Buckley-Diaz family camping trip and a chilly night out by the campfire.

Buckley-Diaz family, established relationship, fluff, ficlet, prompt fill

Quiet (Ao3 | tumblr)

Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz | G | 1,311

Christopher leaves, and everything is endless quiet. 7x10 coda.

angst with a hopeful ending, hurt/comfort, 911 spoilers, canon compliant to 7x10, episode coda, Buckley Diaz family, pre-relationship buddie

Of Coffee and Crushes (Ao3 | tumblr)

Evan Buckley/Tommy Kinard | G | 1,362

Buck asks Tommy out for coffee, but he orders Eddie's usual. 7x05 extended scene.

911 spoilers, canon compliant to 7x05, bucktommy, minor background buddie implications, fluff, extended scene

I got nothing to believe (unless you're choosing me) (Ao3 | tumblr)

Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz | T | 2,324

Things don't go to plan when Eddie has a little too much to drink on a boy's night with Tommy. Buck takes care of him.

911 spoilers, minor Evan Buckley/Tommy Kinard, canon compliant to 7x04, pre-relationship, emotional hurt/comfort, s7 speculation (kind of)

Rest Easy (Ao3 | tumblr)

Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz | G | 592

Maddie calls Eddie when she can't find Buck during his lightning strike recovery. 6x12 missing scene.

Season 6, canon compliant, 6x12 missing scene, POV Maddie Buckley, protective Maddie Buckley, protective Eddie Diaz, pre-relationship, ficlet

say (don't) go (Ao3 | tumblr)

Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz | T | 20,402

Eddie starts dropping hints he wants more kids. Buck assumes he means with Marisol. Buck spirals about it. Eddie does not mean with Marisol. AKA the Eddie wants kids fic.

season 6, canon compliant to 6x18, sperm donor Buck, fluff, domestic fluff, light angst, pre-relationship, mutual pining, getting together, Buckley-Diaz family

You were bigger than the whole sky (Ao3 | tumblr)

Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz | T | 3,020

When Buck wakes from a vivid coma dream, he feels like he's lost everything he's ever wanted, and he doesn't know how to get past it and go back to living his reality. 6x11 spec fic.

911 spoilers, season 6, canon compliant to 6x09, 6x11 spec fic, angst with a happy ending, hurt/comfort, Buckley-Diaz family, getting together, questionable mental health probably, buck/ofc, also there's a baby that is not real (i don't know how to explain this one. it's weird. and much of it is a dream.)

And if I'm on fire, you'll be made of ashes, too (Ao3 | tumblr)

Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz | T | 4,409

When Buck is gravely injured in a lightning strike on a call, Eddie is left to deal with the immediate fallout, including breaking the news to a devastated Christopher. 6x10 spec fic.

911 spoilers, season 6, canon compliant to 6x09, 6x10 spec fic, angst with a happy ending, hurt/comfort, Buckley-Diaz family, pre-relationship, medical inaccuracies probably

Home (Ao3 | tumblr)

Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz | T | 2,883

Nine weeks after he and Eddie ended things, Buck finds the ring. Post break-up au.

Post Break-up AU, Canon Divergent, Buckley-Diaz Family, Angst with a Happy Ending, Oneshot, Self-hate, Mild Suicidal Ideation (it's not actually intended this way, but could be read as such)

Uncertainty (Ao3 | tumblr)

Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz | G | 1,322

Buck has a decision to make, and he seeks Eddie's help in deciding. (Spoilers for 6x04)

Buckley-Diaz Family, Canon Compliant to 6x04, Pre-relationship, Fluff

Hide and Seek (Ao3 | tumblr)

Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz | G | 2,670

Buck has a bad call. Eddie takes care of him. Christopher watches. AKA the Christopher POV fic.

Buckley-Diaz Family, Canon Compliant, or maybe Canon Adjacent?, Christopher's POV, Hurt/Comfort, Pre-relationship, Angst, Fluff

You drew stars around my scars (Ao3 | tumblr)

Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz | G | 5,175

When Buck has a close call brought on, at least in part, by his parents' visit, Eddie finds himself unable to contain his frustration with the Buckley parents. AKA the 4x05 episode tag no one asked for featuring protective!Eddie.

Buckley-Diaz Family, The Buckley Parents, Canon Divergent, Canon Compliant to 4x05, Protective!Eddie, Feelings Realization, Getting Together, Multiple POV, Episode Tag (kind of)

On the Outside (Ao3 | tumblr)

Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz | G | 5,380

After Eddie's breakdown, Buck takes a week off to help Eddie get back on his feet, and a spontaneous visit to the firehouse leaves Lucy confused over just how little she apparently knows about her new team. AKA the Lucy outsider!POV fic.

Buckley-Diaz Family, Pre-relationship; Canon Compliant to 5x13, Fluff, Outsider POV

Breaking News (Ao3 | tumblr)

Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz | T | 3,876

While in Texas, Christopher happens upon an L.A. news story about a dangerous paramedic and firehouse 118, and he's left to enlist Eddie's help when Buck doesn't pick up his phone.

Episode tag, canon compliant to 5x17, pre-relationship, fluff, Buckley-Diaz family, POV Eddie Diaz, slight pining!Eddie

The jury's out, but my choice is you (Ao3 | tumblr)

Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz | G | 9,493

When Buck agrees to watch Christopher and Jee-yun both for the day, Maddie sees a side of her brother she'd never actually witnessed before. It leaves Maddie curious, and Buck a little off balance. Based on this headcanon.

Canon compliant to 5x13, pre-relationship, fluff

Just stay here and be right now (Ao3 | tumblr)

Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz | T | 5,217

When Eddie accidentally breaks Buck's heart at the 118 Christmas party, he knows he needs to make it right. Buck's just trying not to fall apart.

5x10 coda, pre-relationship, getting together, canon compliant, oneshot, light angst, emotional hurt/comfort

Believe in one thing, I won't go away (Ao3 | tumblr)

Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz | T | 5,204

A broken promise and a missed outing with Christopher leave Eddie worried enough to bridge the distance between them.

Canon compliant to 5x09, pre-relationship, angst, emotional hurt/comfort, oneshot

Warnings: depression, self-worth issues, suicidal ideation, implied/referenced self-harm

Would it be enough if I could never give you peace? (Ao3 | tumblr)

Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz | T | 1,220

After the shooting, Eddie convinces himself everything's okay. Until it's not.

Hurt/comfort, angst, pre-relationship, canon compliant to 4x14, oneshot

The snaps from the same little breaks in your soul (Ao3 | tumblr)

Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz | T | 1,441

When Maddie leaves, Buck breaks, and Eddie pulls him back.

Pre-relationship, hurt/comfort, canon compliant to 5x03, one shot

Warnings: postpartum depression, implied/referenced self-harm