#911 imessages

[kinardsevan]

[housewifebuck]

What’s ur favorite funniest Buck face screen cap you got? Buck can make some of the best faces tbh

I cannot possibly choose just one so here are a few of my faves at the moment

[blue-cheeseinmyoffwhites]

I would pay an arm and a leg to see the entirety of Buck & Eddie’s text records between each other

[hotshotsxyz]

i've just discovered that the built in gif search in imessage has exactly four 911 gifs and the ones they chose--

one of these is not like the others

[ateerys-punctuationpanic]

Wondering which of my lovely friends who graduated from law school would be willing to talk to me about the LSAT so I can get this rwrb wip started. That's not counting the multi-chapter wip I started for rwrb months ago. I still have to finish the Loustat magazine, which I've added a chapter of iMessages between Armand & Daniel and another chapter of a blog post from Claudia. Then my Louis/Jonah wip that's like half done. Started the SamBucky Psych AU fic (it starts with a sex scene. No apologies) and I still have the SamBucky 911 AU. I'll finish them all! I swear.

[roadkillreverie]

Knots and knightmares

I hate having these knots in my stomach. It’s because I texted Liamdanny 2 days ago and he hasn’t texted me back. Ugh. A simple reply is all I need. I hate when he leaves me on delivered.

In other news, he’s finally becoming more intimate with Ashley. When he wrote, “I wish I could hold you in my arms,” I responded “Ew,” as Ashley in my mind. Why am I like this? Firstly because he doesn’t even know her and he already wants to hold her, ew. Ya they’ve been talking for a few weeks, but it’s mostly morning and goodnight. Nothing deep. I know I’m jealous because he texts her everyday. And he’s just trying to fuck her. Still, I wish he would text me. I feel like he thinks because I mentioned Utah he thinks I’m a stalker. But he told me he used to live there. I feel like he blocked me because my iMessage doesn’t say delivered. I feel embarrassed texting again so soon. Let me give it a couple of days. I’m gonna punish him and not reply for a few days. I feel awkward for her and him. He doesn’t seem like the type to write that shit. I mean ya he has before with me, but after meeting him, it is a bit weird to hear him say stuff like that.

Part of me wants to wait and have him text me first. But the longest he hasn’t texted me is like 5 or 7 days and that felt like forever. Ugh. I hate being infatuated. Esp with someone who doesn’t want a relationship. When will I ever find someone who wants me as much as I want them?

I had a really bad nightmare. 2 of them in fact. In the first one, I was driving and as I was drifting to sleep in real life, I fell asleep on the road in my dream. I try to wake up in the dream but it’s hard. My face is tightly closed and it’s hard to open my eyes, much like coming out of anesthesia after surgery. When I manage to open my eyes, I notice I’ve been in a car accident and I struggle to reach for the keys to turn off the car. Michelle is in the passenger side moaning and she manages to unbuckle herself and rolls out of the car. I realize the car is upside down. I manage to get out somehow but I’m crawling on my stomach. I hear Michelle moaning and drowning in a puddle on the street. She cries for help. I make my way to her and hold her in my arms. She is gasping for air. She feels so light and broken. I call 911 and I’m crying telling them to hurry up and help my sister. She’s dying.

The next thing that happens is the scariest thing I’ve ever felt in my life. I felt someone crawling on me like a snake and hanging onto me and hugging me letting me know things are going to be okay. I wanted it to be my mom or my sister. But the hug didn’t feel comforting. It felt sinister and slimy. Like an alien or demon. I quickly called out to God and asked him to protect me from all evil. I tried speaking but I couldn’t. I tried moving to shake the hugging off, but it wasn’t working. I was paralyzed. I heard myself crying to God and trying to open my eyes and move but I couldn’t. I felt like I was tied up. After what seemed like about the longest 2 minutes of my life, I finally started waking up and moving in real life as if waking up from anesthesia. I started crying because of how scared I was.

I googled this shit. It’s fucking sleep paralysis! Fuck! As if I don’t have enough problems. Why does it have to be a fucken demon? Why can’t it be cute kittens or angels rocking u to sleep? That is the last time I’m eating late again. I’m gonna try exercising everyday, sleep at a reasonable hour and use my cpap. Man, fuck those demons! That shit was scary asf!

Yesterday, I also experienced a bit of sleep paralysis. I was drowning and I couldn’t wake up, but eventually I did. It felt so real. It sucks because the week after I met Liamdanny I was on a high. And I was waking up early and sleeping early for at least 2 weeks until I reverted back to my sleeping cycle.

I’ve been off my meds for almost 2 months now and I’m starting to feel the real sadness creep in again. I think I’m going to go back on them. I just feel like crying all the time. :(

[padawan-learner]

So verizon cellular sucks ass. Since 11am I have not been able to receive any text messages. I do have an iPhone and I’m able to receive iMessages but any text messages come through as a singular text from my dad. I also am dealing with insanely random dropped calls. So my cellphone off wifi is a goddamn brick. At the Verizon store they gave me a SIM card saying that because my parents upgraded the line it was causing tower issues. Well that worked for phone calls for about 2 hours. But texts still no go. Well I get my ass down to the store for this knowledge. They. Can’t Fix. It. They’ve been seeing this issue all day long. I actually had been waiting with at least 7 other people with the same issue. But kicker is we all have different phones! Androids, Samsung, iPhone, ect. It seems that one person from each line gets chosen to stop receiving all messages!! Fun right!? So I can text them but all I get is :

I have 50+ of these…

Their solution? Enjoy.

Verizon worker: We care gonna put in a trouble shoot with tech.

Me: oh. And do we know when that will be taken care of ?

Verizon guy: umm no. We aren’t sure what the issue is.

Me: so I keep getting this? * shows the repeat messages*

Verizon dude: yeah I recommend muting that so it doesn’t keep going off.

So in short, my phone is a fucking brick and I have to go 2012 iPod touch this bullshit with third party apps and wifi. Oh and my moms busted ass phone so I can call 911 in case of emergency 🙃

My mom is currently calling them. Again.

Edit my mom is calling bc I can’t complete a phone call longer than 5 minutes 🤙🏻

[adismuse]

iMESSAGES 📲 MAGNEDY

KOTA: Hi

KOTA: So I might be kinda in Detroit but also maybe not?

KOTA: Idk I always end up here but like remember that dress you wore a couple weeks ago

KOTA: Can you wear that again

KOTA: Fuck except I can't see it. Well idk. 911

[brianc521]

Well?

~3 Makes a Family~

You smiled as you walked around your in laws backyard, looking for a messy head of curls that was holding your water.

“He’s the tallest person at this party and I can’t find him, how is that possible?” You laugh as you stand beside Aaliyah.

She looks over and then around, not finding him either. “Can I help you with whatever you need?” She offers, filling in his role since he’s gone missing at the moment.

“Unless he handed you my water than no?” You look at her with a smile.

“Tell you what, I’ll text him and see where he ran off to.”

She pulls her phone out and shoots him a quick text, smiling up at you as you turn back and look at her. “He should be on his way to find us.”

“Okay?” You say not really liking the smirk on her face.

**

Shawn stands in the kitchen, laughing with the boys at some dumb joke Brian made as he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket.

He slips it out of his back pocket, looking down at Aaliyah’s text.

iMessage from Liyah: Y/n 911!!!

His head whips up, and he looks around scanning the crowded house for you. He pushes past people, spotting you two outside by the table of gifts.

He rushes out, bumping into family and friends, muttering apologies before stopping in front of the both of you.

“I’m here, what’s wrong?” He looks at you with with crazy worried eyes, hands out and resting on your shoulders as he takes in your state.

“Nothing?” You look at him confused.

His brows furrow and he looks at Aaliyah, lips pursed out. “Then what’s with the 911?”

“Needed to find you.” She shrugs.

He sighs, head hanging as he breathes for a second. “Fucking hell Liyah you could have just said that. You scared the shit out of me.”

You look at Aaliyah, “What did you send him?”

“Y/n 911.” She grins.

“Aaliyah!” You lightly shove her shoulder. “I just wanted my water.”

Shawn looks at you with wide eyes when you look back at him. “You want your water? Where is it?” He asks looking around.

“I gave it to you before I went to the bathroom, so why don’t you answer that question.”

He looks back with wide eyes and a cringe on his lips. “Shit.”

“Watch your mouth,” You smack his shoulder. “You can’t be speaking like that when our Baby gets here.”

“I know,” Shawn sighs. “But I have five months to fix it.” He smiles, caressing your belly.

You were currently 20 weeks pregnant and you finally found out the sex. Well maybe not ‘found out’ yet. In the next hour you would though. This gender reveal party was already in the swing of things the only thing left to do was finally find out.

“If I get you a water can you pop the balloons?” Aaliyah asks, bouncing on her toes.

You laugh and Shawn giggles as he wraps you up in his arms. “I’ll bite, can we pop them please?” He asks with his puppy dog eyes. “I can’t wait any longer. I gotta know.”

You smile, looking over to Aaliyah. “Go tell everyone to come outside, we’re ready.”

She squeals and runs off, leaving you and Shawn alone for a second.

“No matter what,” He says hands resting on your belly. “As long as you're healthy.”

“You’re such a Dad.” You pat his arms, turning to face him.

“Well I mean,” He looks down at your small bump with a smile. He kneels down quickly to kiss your belly, humming softly as he stares up at you with a smile. “You’re gorgeous.”

“So are you,” You thread your fingers through the curls on the nape of his neck.

It’s then that the party starts funneling out to the backyard. They crowd around the two big black balloons that are anchored by the back fence.

“Healthy,” Shawn whispers against your belly, “Just want you healthy.”

“You know you want a boy,” You grin as he stands back up.

“Healthy,” He shakes his head. “Boy or girl, just healthy.”

“Come on!” Aaliyah pulls you both towards your spots, handing you both the pokers she’s made to pop the balloons.

Karen is the only one that knows the gender, she’s the one who ordered the balloons.

“On the count of three?” Shawn asks, both of you holding your balloon, ready to pop it.

Shawn stands in a pink button up short sleeve shirt as your blue summer dress flows around your legs.

“One!” You start, smiling wide at him.

“Two!” He continues.

“THREE!” The crowd of family and friends in front of you both yells out.

Pop!

Your eyes are squeezed shut from the pop but when they open all you see is blue confetti floating up around you.

Shawn’s looking up at the little blue specs of paper engulfing you both, before he’s looking at you with his rosy cheeks and bright smile.

He’s pulling you into his arms while Aaliyah yells with the rest of the boys about how Matt and Geoff were wrong, and how they owe her 20 dollars each.

Shawn’s nuzzling into your neck, breathing heavy. You bring your hand up to his curls when you feel his tears on your neck.

“Oh honey,” You sigh into his ear.

“A boy, we’re having a boy.”

“Your little mini me,” You grin, as he starts swaying you both back and forth, planting little kisses to your neck.

“Holy fuck, we’re having a boy,”

“You really gotta start watching your mouth,” You giggle, pulling away just enough to see his face. He gives a bashful grin, nodding to the point of his curls flopping on his forehead.

You reach up and wipe his eyes clean of tears, smiling as he leans down to kiss you sweetly.

“Well?” Manny speaks up.

The kissing couple pulls away and looks over at the expectant crowd. “Well what?” Shawn looks confused.

“Any name ideas?” Karen asks, bouncing a bit.

You look up at Shawn with a grin, knowing full well you both have ideas but just haven’t decided on one.

“Well the girl names just got eliminated so the list just got smaller, but when we pick one you’ll be the first to know.”

The crowd all dismisses the couple, mumbling about how they want to know the ideas, and some putting in a few ideas themselves.

“I love you,” You sigh out loud, catching Shawn’s attention.

“I love you too,” He lets his arms wrap back around you. “Happy?”

“So happy, gonna have another Shawnie around. I’m so fucking lucky,”

He laughs, leaning back down to kiss you, “I’m the lucky one,”

[userkyle]

I might have been complaining about 911′s museum design all day but, I must tell them how much i appreciate them ACTUALLY USING IMESSAGE AND IOS AND NOT SOME WEIRD TRACKED KNOCK OF LIKE CHIM WAS ACTUALLY USING A PHONE, IM GOING TO CRY

[kinardsevan]

[whatsapps77-blog]

WhatsApp.

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Take a gander at our review of how to  WhatsApp Indigo set up and use WhatsApp, similarly as two or three hints and deludes to make it more straightforward — and progressively secure — to use. Screen catches show the Android interpretation of WhatsApp yet consolidate headings for various OSs where fitting. For extra credit, take a gander at our How to Update WhatsApp instructional exercise, as it's significant figuring out how to keep your device free from any peril. (Picture Credit: Shutterstock)WhatsApp moved in 2009 and quickly got one of the most-pervasive educating applications in nearness—it's presently up to 1.5 multi month to month customers from in excess of 180 countries, with 60 billion messages sent every day. WhatsApp is free and empowers you to evade widespread calling rates by making sound and video brings over Wi-Fi or data. For comfort and security, it's hard to beat. In the event that you're new to the application, here's several things to recall.

To start, you can download WhatsApp from the Apple store, the Google Play store, or right from the WhatsApp webpage. There's a work territory variation, too, as iMessage, in case you need all of your discussions coordinated up on various devices.WhatsApp and Facebook Messenger share a couple of features—nothing surprising there, since Facebook obtained the application for $19 billion out of 2014. There are a couple significant differentiations, be that as it may: You needn't waste time with a Facebook record to use it, just a phone number. Obligingly, if you have buddies trading SIM cards (and numbers) as they move between countries, WhatsApp will regardless keep all of your messages in a solitary string.As in Messenger, WhatsApp will reveal to you when a contact was most as of late observed on the application. 

[rowanthane]

all of the texts prob

🌻 a worried text.

[iMessage, Blake 💞] Stop screening your calls and answer your phone. No one has heard from you in three days.[iMessage, Blake 💞] At least text me back so I know you’re alive.

🐰 a goofy text.

[iMessage, Blake  💞] If I come over will you make me pancakes and also maybe make them have a smiley face made of chocolate chips.....[iMessage, Blake  💞] That’d be cool of you, js.

🦋 a loving text.

[iMessage, Blake  💞] Thanks for letting me talk your ear off all night. You’re a good friend, B.

🧦 a half-asleep text.

[iMessage, Blake  💞] I forgot to text you that I got home safe, DON’T BE MAD.[iMessage, Blake  💞] But I’m home safe and in bed so goodnight. 

🌳 a happy text.

[iMessage, Blake  💞] Rhea just broke out the wedding album to go through and honestly.... you’re welcome for not giving you an ugly bridesmaids dress. [iMessage, Blake  💞]  I was always looking out for you.  [iMessage, Blake  💞]  You look 12 though so, lmao. [iMessage, Blake  💞] Also who the hell let us think CHUNKY HIGHLIGHTS were cool??

🍎 an apologetic text. 

[iMessage, Blake  💞] I feel like with everything going on in my life I haven’t been a very good friend to you, and I’m sorry for that.[iMessage, Blake  💞] I don’t see the hecticness that is my life slowing down any time soon, but I’m going to make an effort to reach out to you more.

⚠️ a text meant for someone else.

[iMessage, Blake  💞] Hey, you still good for 4-9 on Friday? :)[iMessage, Blake  💞] Sorry, that was for the babysitter. Date nights are surprisingly hard to plan when you have a 10 month old lmao.

🕰️ an early morning text.

[iMessage, Blake  💞] I’m bringing coffee for Andy and Jer. You want anything??

💫 a late night text.

[iMessage, Blake  💞] I missed a call from you. What’s up?[iMessage, Blake  💞] If you need a ride from somewhere call me back.

🗑️ a text that wasn’t sent.

[iMessage, Blake  💞] Sometimes I feel like we don’t really know each other anymore.[iMessage, Blake  💞] I feel like this year has been full of so much for both of us and we’ve barely seen each other during any of it.

💡 a scared text.

[iMessage, Blake  💞]  911. Giant spider on my door knob.[iMessage, Blake  💞]  Needless to say me and Benny can’t get in the house now so we’re coming over.

💀 an urgent text.

[iMessage, Blake  💞] ANSWER YOUR FACETIME CALLS.[iMessage, Blake  💞] Jesus Christ I’m having a CRISIS here.[iMessage, Blake  💞] I need to know if I should buy this dress or not.

🥇 a supportive text.

[iMessage, Blake  💞] I just want good things for you, B.

🔪 a hateful text.

[iMessage, Blake  💞] Oh I see how it is.[iMessage, Blake  💞] You drop off treats for the dog and the baby and none for me.[iMessage, Blake  💞] Fucked up :/

🌊 a sad text.

[iMessage, Blake  💞] I wish you saw yourself better than you do.[iMessage, Blake  💞] You’re too hard on yourself.

⚡ an angry text.

[iMessage, Blake  💞] Blake you’re an adult and you can do whatever you want, but if you’re doing drugs you’re a fucking idiot.

🚀 a goodbye text.

[iMessage, Blake  💞] Had to dip while you were with a customer. Benny got sick. [iMessage, Blake  💞] Feel free to swing by after work and we can finish that conversation up, though.

[sydncyfitzpatrickarchive]

ALL OF THEM 😈

⇾ Send ‘drunk’ to receive a drunk text from my muse (iMessage): DICK WHISPERER 😝🍆

[1:25am] THIS IS A 911 MEERGENCY.[1:26am] i need you tso bring me a ewn shirt to hte bar.[1:26am] also i ymay or may not halve jutst tried to stneal the one onf somse cchik’s back. [1:26am] thought iet was halees. incordrect.

⇾  Send ‘sad’ to receive a sad/down text from my muse.(iMessage): DICK WHISPERER 😝🍆

[12:03pm] but like…. what if we never make to something more than this?[12:03pm] what if i literally end up 65 and alone with nothing but pints of ice cream and a fight club poster for company?[12:16pm] i’m on the swing drinking wine alone in the midst of a serious crisis here and i need you to answer the fuck back greer elizabeth.[12:16pm] seriously. i know you feel a certain way about this but like… what if i lost my chance? 

⇾ Send ‘mad’ to receive a mad/angry text from my muse. (iMessage): DICK WHISPERER 😝🍆

[3:15am] YOU EVIL, HORNY, GREEDY DRUNK BITCH.[3:15am] i had one request. ONE REQUEST. leave my fucking mint chip alone. wtf is wrong with you? IS NOTHING SACRED ANYMORE?[3:15am] nowhere’s open. i can’t even go buy more. this is the last time i let you use my apt. for a bar hookup bc it’s closer than the ranch. i hope your pussy shrivels up and DIES. but only for like… a month bc UNLIKE YOU I’M NOT CRUEL.

⇾ Send ‘happy’ to receive a happy/excited text from my muse. (iMessage): DICK WHISPERER 😝🍆

[4:58pm] TWO MORE MINUTES AND IT’S TIME FOR THE WEEKEND.[4:58pm] ya girl just got a raise for making it one year at the office, too. get dressed to impress bitch. i’m taking you to the bar and pimping you out for free drinks.[4:59pm] yes, you heard me. just bc i got a raise that doesn’t mean ur tits are off the hook. not sorry.

⇾ Send ‘tired’ to receive a slow/sleepy text from my muse. (iMessage): DICK WHISPERER 😝🍆

[6:03am] listen. i know i said i’d be there first thing to help you with the shipment today[6:03am] but i lied. i’m that shit friend. see you at 9:30?

⇾ Send ‘busy’ to receive slow texts from my muse. (iMessage): DICK WHISPERER 😝🍆

[8:13am] dkhfhjsdgjfgdf. I’M SCREAMING. i’m pretty sure brad pitt is the new printer guy. stand by for confirmation.[12:32pm] sorry to keep you waiting at the edge of your seat. erik needed me and annabel in a meeting. it was a false alarm, btw. not brad pitt but he did show me pictures of his cats for ten minutes so i mean… who’s complaining?

⇾ Send ‘bored’ to receive a disinterested text from my muse. (iMessage): DICK WHISPERER 😝🍆

[2:31pm] i have exactly 27 split ends on the left side of my head.[2:31pm] and yes…. i actually counted. today is that slow.

⇾ Send ‘reveal’ for a text where my muse reveals their true feelings for yours. (iMessage): DICK WHISPERER 😝🍆

[5:07pm] listen. sometimes you can be a bitch. like…. a really big bitch. you always tell me the truth when i just want you to feed me pretty lies, you refuse to wear the clothes i pick out for you if they don’t include a beer tee and muddy boots, and you hide olivia’s fudge when i’m not even supposed to be coming over.[5:07pm] but i wouldn’t wanna get the truth, ditch the clothes, or dig around the kitchen cabinets for three hours while you shovel horse shit with anyone else.[5:07pm] you’re not just my best friend, g. you’re my sister. my SOUL MATE… and i don’t even believe in that bullshit.[5:07pm] in case i don’t tell you enough i love you.[5:07pm] also i’m really fucking sorry but i found the fudge and idk where tf you are so it’s already gone.

[23southofrussia]

Прогулка по центру Питера Про Недвижимость и не только Помогу продать и приобрести +7 (911) 209-90-09 Андрей Артемов WhatsApp; Viber; Skype; iMessage, Signal Подпишитесь #андрейартемов ________________________ Быстро отвечаю в Директ (at Пять углов) https://www.instagram.com/p/CTrtMQio0Qw/?utm_medium=tumblr

[izs]

Bookends

Content warning: suicide. I wrote this in January of 2014.

We don't often notice the difference between one day and the next in our memory. A year blends together. As you get more distance, a block of similar years become a single unit, characterized by a specific flavor of scenery, people, and feelings.

The cracks in the sidewalk that I'd avoid stepping on as I crossed the bridge over Fitch street on my way to class. The girl I smiled at walking over that bridge, and the months of passionate sex and breakups that smile unleashed. The cheap limitless terrible food at Conn Hall. The drudgery of debugging printers for professors so I could pay my rent. Winters where stepping the wrong way on a sheet of ice plunged me ankle deep into brown slush. The insufferable New Haven towing racket and incredible pizza.

And then, in a flash, the channel changes.

Suddenly it's palm trees and vacuum cleaners, then Yahoo! and JavaScript. A terrible marriage and a happy divorce. Then it flips again, to Joyent and Node and bart and biking. Speaking at conferences. Open source, buzzwords and business cards. My arrival as an internet personality. Marisa.

It's blatant in hindsight, but I usually don't see it coming. Some changes are complete and total, marking a brand new lifetime with each transition. I'm not sure I'm the same person as a few versions ago. Every line has been edited, every vision altered.

This most recent shift, though… I saw this one coming. Or at least, I saw one side of the book mark.

I prepared the transition to be as smooth as possible. I recruited allies, and trained a successor. Now was the time. I didn't know what exactly would be showing on the new channel, but I knew that a change was coming, and I wanted to make sure it'd be good. This idea of book marks was going to be my Pastry Box contribution. I had thought it all out.

I had no idea.

On Christmas eve, I sat in a thai restaurant with my friend. Luke, who makes jokes, and travels the world, and works on npm. By the end of 2013 we hung out about weekly or more, to eat and chat and laugh. We had met at Taco Conf a few years prior, where he told me that he wanted to move to Oakland to hang out with the Node people. He did that. We clicked well. He watched my cats once. I recommended him to Yahoo.

The day before that dinner, Luke had written a note. We complained about the holidays a bit, and shared Kao Nam Tod. It didn't seem weird to me that he was in town. After all, I was also. I knew he was from upstate New York, but he didn't ever talk about his family there. I don't know if I ever talked about my family much either. Just never came up. We reminisced about New England winters and how much nicer California is. We talked about how horrible the holidays are, and about business and dating and the future.

A few days later, I went out of town to visit family. The trip was too long by a day. At the end we were all eager to get back to our lives. I came back on New Year's Eve. I sent Luke a message the next morning, telling him that relatives had given me some cat toys, because they don't know how fat and lazy my cats are. Maybe his kitten could attack them, instead of attacking his face, like it usually did.

It was still early. I figured he'd get it when he got up. I could bring them by. I was working on npm that day. The new startup. The Book Mark. Everything was going great. I was looking forward to telling him about the latest developments.

I got a message from Luke at 4:15 in the afternoon. Before seeing what it said, it reminded me that I hadn't had lunch yet, and hadn't seen him in a week, which was a perfect coincidence. I was going to suggest Xolos. His message asked, "Could you share this publicly or privately in a few hours or so?" A link to the note that he wrote on Christmas Eve Eve.

Oh no. Wait. Where are you, I'm going there now. I'm coming to your house. 911. Call Mikeal. Call Dustin. Tell Marisa to bring the car back home, we have to go, now.

We met the police at his apartment. The key was where he said it'd be, and there was food and water for his kitten. Calling, again and again, it rings 4 times, and then voicemail. iMessages delivered, but no response.

5:09, another buzz in my pocket. "I've finally built up the courage to do it. Thanks again."

Calling. Straight to voicemail.

He said he'd been hiding for years, that he was tired of pretending, tired of masking his pain. It wasn't a statement, it was a choice, an expedient escape from his medical problem.

We didn't know where he went. Searched everything, everywhere. Yahoo hired an investigator. The police were beyond useless. Clues pointed to a bridge, most likely the Golden Gate. Coast Guard didn't have any John Does.

He slipped through my fingers like smoke. He'd reached out to me. I didn't save him.

That week, I learned a lot about Luke's history, things he never told any of us. I learned about his family, his past, his friends. I talked to his mother and sisters. Eyeballs deep in other people's shit, the unexpected executor of my friend's farewell. I frantically invaded his privacy, tried to find anything that could give me some hope, some clue, some rock I could turn over that he'd pop out from under.

For a while some hoped that he was faking. He'd fled to Asia or Africa on some manic adventure, played a joke on all of us. At 5:09 on New Year's Day, I lost my hope. He wasn't joking. Luke's jokes are funny, and clever, and often offensive. His note was calm, resigned, touching. If he had been crying for help, we would've been able to help him. He was smart. He knew what he was doing. He was doing it for himself, not for anyone else.

I waited for permission to grieve. I told everyone else that we can't give up hope until they find a body. But that was a lie, and I wasn't fooled. I passed along the flyers, in a gesture of mourning.

In December, I'd hoped that this phase shift would be marked by the change of job roles, and in the fullness of time, maybe it will be. But overlaid on that is the turbulent border between the part of my life where my friend Luke existed, and the part where he was abruptly and permanently gone.