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wooassist · 6 months ago

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11 Things You Can Do to Increase the Security of Your WooCommerce Store

Keeping your WooCommerce store secure is important. Hackers discover new exploits every day. In fact, more than thirty thousand websites get hacked on a daily basis. Don’t be a part of that statistic. Increase the security of your WooCommerce store before it’s too late.

At Wooassist, we’ve had our fair share of clients that have had their websites hacked. Cleaning up after a hack is a lot of trouble. You have to get rid of the exploit and weed out any remaining backdoors that would allow the hacker to regain access to the hacked site. Worse, a hacking incident can lead to a website being penalized by search engines for containing malware. In this post, we’ll share some tips that you can do right now to increase the security of your WooCommerce store. Following these tips will reduce the odds of your site getting hacked.

1. Check Your Login Information.

Often, hacks happen because of the user’s fault. Almost 90% of cyber-attacks are caused by human error or behavior.

The first step to increase your website’s security is to make sure that your login information is secure. First, don’t use “admin” as your username. Why? Because brute force attacks usually target this username. And if you use admin as your username and have a weak password, it is almost guaranteed that your site will fall victim to a brute force attack. But what if you are already using admin as your username? You’ll just need to create a new administrator account using a unique username and a strong password. WordPress will already recommend a strong password that you can use. After creating a new account, log in to the new account and you can then proceed to delete the “admin” account.

2. Keep your WordPress/WooCommerce Site Updated

Keeping your WooCommerce store updated will protect your site from the latest known vulnerabilities. Developers regularly patch exploits that are found in their systems so it is imperative that you update on a regular basis.

Before updating however, it is important to test your updates first on a development site or at least create a backup. Often, updates can break your site and this can harm your conversion rates if you don’t have a backup that you can revert to. Websites breaking due to site updates are common. Some hosting providers such as WPEngine provide their customers an easy-to-set-up staging environment. Here you can test your updates before applying them to your live site.

3. Use Two-Factor Authentication.

Using 2-factor authentication greatly increases the security of your website. Even when a brute force attack manages to get into your site, you can block the hack with two-factor authentication. Unless the hackers get a hold of your phone, you’re safe.

4. Install a Security Plugin

A WordPress/WooCommerce site without a security plugin is like a computer without anti-virus software. Wordfence and Sucuri Security are some good options. Just install the plugins and then activate. After activating, just go to the plugin’s settings and configure depending on your needs.

5. Limit Login Attempts.

Limiting login attempts will deter brute force attacks. A brute force attack will attempt to guess your username and password sending hundreds if not thousands of requests every minute. Limiting login attempts pretty much renders brute force attacks powerless unless you have a weak password. There are a couple plugins that can help you limit login attempts such as Login Lockdown.

6. Protect your wp-config File

The wp-config file is a crucial part of the WordPress ecosystem. It contains important configuration information of your WordPress site which is why many hackers try to target this file. There is however a workaround to block intruders from getting access to this file. Simply place this code in your .htaccess file.

7. Hide Login Error Messages

Whenever you enter the wrong login credentials on WordPress, it returns an error message saying your username is wrong, your password is wrong, or your password does not match the username. You may think little of this, but for hackers, this bit of information is priceless. You can prevent hackers from getting clues on your WordPress logins. You can hide these error messages by adding the script below to your functions.php file. Do note however that making a mistake when tinkering with your functions.php file can cause your entire site to go down. Unless, you’re a web developer or know your way around the file, it is recommended to have a developer do this for you.

8. Hide WordPress Version

For hackers, discovering that your WordPress version is outdated is like finding a gold mine. So it is imperative that you always update to the latest version of WordPress. Many hosting providers will automatically update your WordPress version. However, this is not always ideal since automatic updates can mess up your site. If you’d like to do your WordPress updates at your own pace, then you should hide your WordPress version. To hide your WordPress version, paste the following code on your functions.php file.

9. Do a Plugin Audit

A plugin audit is a process of reviewing the plugins installed on your site. You’ll want to look out for plugins that are no longer being updated by the developer. Outdated plugins usually become backdoors for hackers. When analyzing your plugins, you can categorize them in a number of ways.

Plugins that you want to keep.

Plugins that you don’t use or your customer’s don’t use. If you have a plugin that adds a certain functionality to your site but your customers are not using it, you might as well get rid of it. This just adds extra bloat to your site.

Plugins that are no longer being updated by the plugin author. This is a major security threat and you should get rid of these immediately. If you still need the functionality that the plugin provides, just find an alternative plugin. Just make sure that the new plugin is being constantly updated.

You can do a plugin audit every few months to keep your site spiffy clean.

10. Install Only Reliable Plugins

You’ve done your plugin audit. Great! Now, don’t go down the same road. Don’t just install any plugin that you find. Look at the plugin rating. Check reviews. Check when the plugin was last updated. If the plugin fails any of those three elements, consider finding something else.

11. Prevent Directory Access

If you do not block directory access on your WordPress site, users may be able to freely view the files on your site. These files may contain sensitive information that hackers can use to exploit vulnerabilities on your site. Disabling directory access can be done with a minor tweak. Just place the following code in your .htaccess file:

If you’ve done all these things, your WooCommerce store will be protected from most known threats. Should you need help getting any of these done, you can contact the Wooassist team and we’ll be able to help you out.

Do you know of any other things that you can do to help keep your WooCommerce store more secure? Let us know in the comments.

#woocommerce #ecommerce #seo

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shreetripada · 2 years ago

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Underrated Mistakes You Must Avoid While Running A Bulk SMS Campaign

One thing any company wants to do is make money. Concentrating on innovative marketing strategies while disregarding errors is the one and only approach to be successful in such oversaturated and cutthroat marketplaces. One such tactical move that might help with revenue growth is SMS marketing.

90% of the population now has a smartphone, thus firms must be active on the platforms their individuals utilize.

As an outcome, the SMS marketing sector offers a wide range of prospects for marketing organizations. Your list collector might be improved by a proficient bulk SMS supplier. However, if you don't use it properly, you run the danger of missing out on potential sales and damaging your brand's reputation. If you wish to prevent making these typical errors when managing a bulk SMS campaign, keep reading.

Bulk SMS Campaign Mistakes

Use of colloquial language or tone at random

Even if not everyone can connect to jargon and industry-specific words, it is crucial for businesses to avoid using unprofessional language and abbreviations since they give your brand a too-modest appearance.

The content's tone shouldn't be too casual or too official. Additionally, it need to be easy to comprehend. If you want to increase your reputation and the credibility of your brand, try utilizing language that is devoid of jargon and acronyms.

Not delivering quality messages

They only think that if we send a lot of SMS, we can accomplish our aim. This is not the case, though. Quality diminishes when quantity is your primary priority. Customers would ban our number if we keep sending them SMSs since they will become weary of it. This weakens the impact of our intention.

Absence of consent

Make sure opt-in and opt-out options are available for your bulk SMS services. Prior to including customers in your bulk SMS group, always seek their consent. Customers would inevitably grow frustrated by receiving too many SMS advertisements from various businesses.

Due to the negative perception your business will receive from customers, this also affects the reputation of your brand. Furthermore, if they are not given authorization or approval, they can be forced to file a lawsuit against your company. As a bulk SMS service, we never send an SMS to a client without first getting their permission, and we never add them to any groups.

Not including a call to action

Given that 90% of SMS are read within 180 seconds of delivery, it is essential to draw clients' attention to the message's purpose right away. The most helpful element of an SMS is the CTA. A CTA is anything that prompts the reader to read the content again, such as a message, link, or phone number. In the message, you can provide bargains, discounts, and even links. The phrases "Visit Us Today," "Buy Now," "Call Now," and many others are typical examples. When these are absent, the message's goal is not achieved. Therefore, don't forget to include a call to action to strengthen your SMS and improve its professionalism.

Choosing the incorrect bulk SMS service provider

You must be extremely cautious while choosing technological partners. The marketplaces for bulk SMS are oversaturated, so you must assess them based on a number of criteria, including price, uptime, delivery rate, and backup. Take the time to properly check and research internet evaluations of these service providers before you commit any money.

You can choose a respectable business like us. Our clients value our prompt delivery and knowledgeable after-sales support.

SMS timing errors

Timing determines everything. SMS in bulk are covered by this regulation. If customers are approached at strange hours, they are more likely to become upset. And rightfully so. Even if businesses all over the world have learned to control the SMS marketing timeline, faults might still happen. Have you ever observed how food and beverage companies send SMS messages when people are eating? This is a great technique for persuading consumers to click on this CTA if they plan to go out to eat.

SMS template that is lengthy and complicated

Today's customers lack the time necessary to open and read every text. They often give SMS and other notifications on the notification window a quick check before deleting them. It shouldn't take too much time to convey your message and make a good impression using a creative arrangement of words in a sequence. When it comes to your bulk SMS service, always strive for 3C practise: clarity, conciseness, and call to action. Long sentences are impolite and might confuse your viewers.

Inconsistency with bulk SMS strategic plan

Once your marketing campaign has been launched, choose an ideal frequency and stay with it. Finding a good middle ground should be the aim. If you send too many texts one week and then too few the next, customers will become perplexed and stop using your bulk SMS service.

Another major error that marketers make when doing bulk SMS service campaigns is being too frequent. Even if they choose not to opt-out in certain situations, people will disregard your SMS. Both possibilities are risky. Based on your industry and the types of subscribers, select the frequency that is best and most suited for your business.

Conclusion

If one pays close attention to the details, these typical mistakes can be easily avoided. You may create the "perfect bulk SMS campaign" by concentrating on these people. Because smartphones are the most widely used and simplest to use by clients, we will assist you in making the most of this technique. So get in contact with us right now and give your company wings.

Shree Tripada is India's one of the most trusted Bulk SMS Service Provider for national and international Bulk SMS requisites.

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oneheadtoanother · 2 years ago

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So interesting how foreign this sort of political bloc is to OP when it's pretty much the cultural water I swim in! 20s-40s seems like an arbitrary generational cap to me. In fact I know more baby boomers who fall broadly in this type than I do millennials/gen z, though the fact that I live in a liberal region is probably a big factor in that. I'd say this type of American is comprised of vaguely left-leaning political moderates who see themselves as progressives. What I think of as the MSNBC demographic. They were quick to sign on to 00s-10s "born this way" marriage equality-focused gay rights rhetoric, because that rhetoric was pitched to them specifically. They generally have a LOT of unresolved hang-ups about the things that make queer culture different from straight (read: default, normal) culture, but rationalize the existence of those discomforting elements as products of their (queers') marginalization. The underlying assumption is "these gays always wanted to be like us but we ostracized them so it's our fault they ended up so promiscuous and weird. Therefore if we reform laws and customs to be more inclusive, they'll be able to be more like us and conservatives will see the error of their ways."

I think this type of American liberal (especially the baby boomers) sees themselves as an upholder of the universalism of the Civil Rights era against atavistic conservatives on the one hand and the identitarian swing of the broader cultural left since roughly the 90s on the other. In turn they see the nominally further left "social justice" (identitarian) progressives as risking alienating marginalized groups from broader society in the name of anti-assimilationism. Their politics can't make sense of any anti-assimilationist stance because assimilation is how you get access to electoral political power (which to them is the only real political power accessible to citizens), and winning elections is how you continue the progressive project of expanding who can access the benefits and privileges doled out by the state. I guess that's a very long-winded way of saying accepting Buttigieg but rejecting Lil Nas X while believing yourself not to be homophobic comes down to respectability politics.

i like the wording of the question "do you think homosexuality is always justified, sometimes justified, etc..." who said, "i think homosexuality is sometimes justified"

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artemis-lesbian · 5 years ago

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How do people get to be management honestly I know more than my dept's highest manager and ive only been working here like 3 months lmfao

#it was a fucking comedy of errors tonight #actually no it was a fucking tragedy bc i was ready to SCREAM and rip my fucking hair out #honestly the 1 thing abt my dept is that 90% of the time theres an issue w a customer being mad abt smth taking a long time or being hard #they will straight up tell me oh its not your fault im upset with x tho. and im like yeah i feel you idk why theyre doing it this way #bc our management is also so fucking inconsistent its hard to keep track of what managers will let us get away with what shit #like im not even talking abt oh im doing things im REALLY not supposed to do its like. this one machine is broken and causes a lot of #headaches bc we have to send ppl to another store. and im like yea its not ur fault we cant help it lemme see if i can do this for u anyway #and usually a manager will be like yea sure whatever #but it was a hardass customer service manager today which complicated EVERYTHING #sorry im ranting but GOD. the last few hrs have been...Tough #dev.txt

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20dollarlolita · 2 years ago

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A couple Today at Work stories from the sewing machine repair check-in desk.

"Oh, they both work really well!" said very enthusiastically by someone bringing in a 63-year-old vacuum that she says only turns on if she kicks it, and a sewing machine with a coat of dirt on it so thick that my thumbnail couldn't remove it. No, ma'am, if they worked really well, you wouldn't be bringing them in. Customer was asked if she understands that, if they cannot be repaired, the diagnostic fee must still be paid. Customer signed paper stating that she understands that, if they cannot be repaired, the diagnostic fee will not be refunded. Sales clerk (me) fully expects to have that fight in three weeks when neither item could be repaired.

"I don't think it's the needle threader. I think the machine is broken," said by someone who, based on the story she gave, had no reason to believe the machine was more broken than the needle threader. Look, if it's coming in for check-in, it's not us who is responsible for determining who is at fault. When that needs to be determined, and I want to clarify that that rarely needs to be determined, it's done by our technicians. If you were sewing and the needle threader suddenly stopped being able to reach the needle, there's a lot of reasons that could happen. 99.9% of the time, it's the needle threader. Those fuckers are annoying and picky, and do not handle abuse very well. There's a reason they're not warrantied. But if you have an expensive computerized machine, and your needle bar got yanked 4ish millimeters below where normal is, your machine would have sent you a warning that something Very Bad just happened. Actually, in this case, the machine will make an error log and tell the technician that something Very Bad happened, and when. Fun fact, if your machine has a clock built in, definitely set it! In machines that log things like that, knowing exactly when an error happened is really useful. Anyway, shortening a long story, we don't care if it's your fault, but if you want the problem fixed, it really helps us if you tell us what happened, and don't lie or leave things out. BTW, we usually don't care whose fault it is, because if you're paying for a repair then it's our job to fix it regardless of what happened; if you have a store-offered care plan, that covers everything except commercial use. That's one of our major selling points on that, that it covers almost everything. The only time that we have to care about who broke it is in the case of a re-work (where it's possible that the exact same problem is still present after repair) or warranty work (where the store would be seeking reimbursement from the manufacturer due to manufacturer defects). Even with warranty work, a lot of the time it doesn't actually matter if you were using the wrong needle or the wrong thread or thick fabric or set it down on a table and your dog ran past and the table shook and the fabric fell on the floor. It matters if you put 1/4" leather in your Zest or attempted to adjust your bobbin tension with a mallet, and the techs WILL KNOW if you did that. But 90% of things that people think they did to break a brand-new machine are things that the machine should have been able to do without catastrophically breaking. So, please, if you were just sewing along on your brand-new sewing machine, went over ten layers of denim at the seam, and your machine suddenly spat out ten gallons of black oil and chanting the Pokemon theme backwards, tell the technicians that you were sewing and went over 10 layers of denim. Any functioning machine, even a cheaper machine, should not catastrophically fail over a simple little mistake like that. They might break a needle, have a needle strike on the plate, hit the bobbin case, get a really big jam, or something similar. They shouldn't go up in flames or burn out their motor. Being honest about what you did also allows the technicians to argue in your favor. If the screw on your needle bar wasn't tightened out of the box, then your needle bar shifting when you hit ten layers of denim at the seam will tell the technician that it was loose out of the box and that it wasn't that you pulled the needle bar up sewing 4000 stitches a minute with an offbrand ruffler. But yeah, when someone comes in and says, "My thread keeps breaking when I use a size 60 needle and 90wt thread, I think it's probably the motor brushes," that's pretty suspicious. That's like saying, "It smells like vinegar in my kitchen, so maybe it's from some preserved bird claws from the museum," and then refusing to mention a trip to the museum on an interest in birds.

I'm very tired. Good night.

#today at work

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themurphyzone · 4 years ago

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PatB Oneshot: Every Rose Has Thorns and Petals

Summary: Brain’s plan is simple: create a Valentine card with a message that the world should adore him as their new ruler. But he needs extra help in coming up with a catchy message to rein in the consumers for the outer cover. And who better to help than the expert of all things amour?

AN: I decided to see if I could write a good Suavo. Enjoy! Warning for terribly cheesy flirting. I don’t typically write this genre XD

This borrows from the HC that Pinky can still do the Suavo persona.

Written for Valentine's Day/Suavo Sunday. I regret everything.

AO3 Link

At last, a new plan came to fruition! With Valentine’s Day looming upon them with its chocolate-coated fangs and sickly sweet aroma, people would be flocking to grocery stores everywhere to purchase giant teddy bears they could barely carry around and heart-shaped boxes of gourmet chocolate. But most lucrative of all, they would buy Valentine cards with the most obnoxious lovestruck messages that were far cheesier than Pinky’s cheesecake.

Everything clicked into place. The slightly larger than average dimensions of a Valentine’s card. Various red and pink hues for the envelopes. Colorful images with hearts, roses, and Pinky on the front cover (for Pinky met all of the scientific criteria that triggered one’s protective instincts). And on the inside, an image of Brain standing on the world in royal regalia with a message declaring that all the world shall adore him as their new leader.

But there was a single, glaring flaw to his otherwise brilliant plan.

He could not come up with a ridiculous phrase for the outside cover. It had to be eye-catching, humorous, or corny enough to grab a customer’s attention. He stared at the smiling picture of Pinky for several minutes, then gave in.

Pinky was the expert in all things ridiculous after all.

“Life is the road I wanna keep going! Love is a river and I wanna keep going ooonnnn!” Pinky sang along to his playlist, leading a Barbie doll in a tender waltz.

And it was best to interrupt before Pinky’s playlist reached My Heart Will Go On. That sappy 90s love ballad was on there. He was not striking the King of the World pose until he was actually king of the world, but that assertion hadn’t gotten through Pinky’s cotton-stuffed head yet.

Brain grabbed the prototype card and pencil, marching up to the windowsill where Pinky and Barbie danced under the evening sky. The sun lowered, the moon rose, and the first twinkling stars poked out, signifying the beginning of another night.

The phone was propped against a wall, and Brain smacked the image of Anastasia and Dmitri dancing to stop the song as he passed by. Pinky continued to hum, dipping Barbie low enough that her blonde hair touched the windowsill. His eyes were half-lidded, tail swishing to an invisible beat. Though there was no music, his rhythm was steady and his feet never missed a step.

It was mesmerizing. Pinky danced with all the grace of a professional ballerina.

He pricked his finger on a sharp point of the prototype card, and the poke brought Brain back to reality. Right. No distractions.

“Hiya, Brain! Zort!”

Dear Archimedes there were otherworldly blue eyes right in front of his face.

Startled, Brain leapt back and swung his pencil defensively. There was a muffled narf as the eraser end went into Pinky’s mouth. Once the initial shock passed, Pinky giggled and nibbled on the eraser, several rubbery shavings poking out between his teeth.

Brain took a deep breath, trying to calm his too-fast heartbeat.

“Quit slobbering on my erasers, Pinky,” Brain snapped. He removed his pencil from Pinky’s mouth, wrinkling his nose at the saliva-coated eraser. He tossed it aside, and the pencil skittered across the counter and onto the floor.

“But they taste so good!” Pinky licked his lips. “Especially with a pinch of dryer lint. That way you get fluff and chewiness in one single fantastic bite!”

Sometimes he truly worried for the state of Pinky’s digestive tract. For now, it was best to change the topic entirely. “As much as I’d love to debate the intricacies of your exotic cuisine, I require some of your eccentric expertise for my latest plan,” Brain said, setting the prototype card on the counter.

Pinky’s tail and ears perked up. A predictable reaction, but reliable all the same.

While Pinky put Barbie away, Brain retrieved a new pencil. There were few writing utensils that weren’t chewed up by a bored employee or Pinky for fun, and it wouldn’t be long before Brain would have to acquire more.

“I gotta help Brain now, Barbie. Thanks for sharing a dance with me! Those ballroom dance classes are really paying off!” Pinky chirped, waving to the inanimate Barbie, who now sat in a pink plastic convertible next to a shirtless Ken doll. He peeked inside the card and clasped his hands together, holding them against his cheek dreamily. “Awww, Brain! This is gonna be so romantic!”

“The very atmosphere I intend to create with these mass-produced cards, Pinky,” Brain replied. “However, while I have all the elements of your typical Valentine card alongside an additional message that will aid us in our conquest, I haven’t worked out one essential component yet.”

He closed the card and tapped the empty speech bubble next to Pinky’s image.

Pinky tilted his head. “You haven’t figured out how to make single people buy your cards yet?”

Drat. He hadn’t considered those outliers.

“Then we’ll just have to infiltrate the postal service,” Brain said, mentally congratulating himself on correcting that error quickly. “But before we implement the plan, I need a Valentine phrase for this speech bubble. A saying that will entice the average infatuated consumer and hook them into purchasing my cards alone. And since you lean heavily toward the sentimental and saccharine…well, this is where I require your assistance.”

“The sentimental and the saccharine?” Pinky echoed. “I don’t think I’ve heard of that soap opera, Brain. What channel is it on?”

Brain opened his notebook and found an empty page, poised to jot down Pinky’s suggestions. “The real life channel. Don’t be concerned about missing it, Pinky. It’s on 24/7 all year long. But I digress. The sooner I find a phrase, the sooner we’ll have the world!”

Pinky tapped his foot in thought, the tip of his tongue poking out like he truly believed protruding tongues had the power to magically grant ideas. For all Brain knew, Pinky probably believed that.

Then Pinky snapped his fingers. “I got it! How ‘bout ‘be mine, valentine’?”

“Too cliché,” Brain muttered. A million Valentine cards would already have similar phrasing. They didn’t have time to seize control of a greeting card factory. “Not unique enough.”

Although the valentine bit wasn’t particularly directed toward him, his grip on the pencil slackened, the tip leaving a graphite smudge along the margins. He quickly turned the pencil around and erased it, hoping Pinky didn’t catch onto his brief moment of inattention.

Fortunately, Pinky didn’t notice. “Alrighty then. Hmmm…you’re the sour cream to my cheese-slathered potato?”

“…I’ll save it for a last resort.”

Well, he asked for unique. But sour cream didn’t particularly invoke strong Valentine feelings. Idioms that involved sweet foods with enough sugar to induce diabetes in an elephant would be better, and he made a quick note to the side.

“I turtle-y adore you?” Pinky suggested, his blue eyes sparkling accordingly.

Brain felt a light blush settling over his cheeks, and he rubbed his fur to rid himself of the mortifying feeling. “Doesn’t match your picture. And no animal puns unless they involve mice.”

Pinky rubbed his chin, not one to be easily deterred. “There’s gotta be some good ones on the Internet.”

“Don’t trouble yourself, Pinky,” Brain sighed. He sat cross-legged on the counter, massaging his forehead to intercept any headaches before they began. “Figured we should’ve gone with the photobooth plan. It’s your fault for influencing my subconscious with your caterwauling over The Princess Bride’s movie adaptation.”

“Troz! I’ll have you know Princess Buttercup and Westley have great chemistry!” Pinky pouted.

Brain rolled his eyes. “Please. They’re about as compatible as two noble gases.”

Pinky went quiet after that. Whether he’d gone off into the imaginary world of talking cheeses or taken unusually great offense on the lead couple’s behalf, Brain wasn’t sure. But the silence obliged, and Brain took the opportunity to ponder their next course of action.

Take a risk and use one of Pinky’s earlier suggestions? Scrap the plan entirely and pull one from storage? Seek a second opinion?

Then Pinky gasped, his tail pointing high in the air like an inverted exclamation point.

“Brain, are you pondering what I’m pondering?” Pinky asked, gripping Brain’s shoulders in excitement.

Brain leaned back, supporting himself on the palms of his hands. “We break out the Feldman disguises and ask Mr. Sultana for his opinion on what a hypothetical Valentine card should say?”

“I’m sure he’s got a bunch of good ones, but that’s not it,” Pinky said. “Actually, I oughta slip into something more…in-character. I’ll be right back!”

Pinky skipped away, humming as he went over to his dress-up box in the corner of their cage. He pulled a divider around himself so that all Brain could see was a shadowy silhouette rummaging through clothing and accessories.

Brain continued to ponder, though no feasible ideas were coming to him. He closed his eyes, shutting out all visual forms of distraction. He listened to Pinky dressing in the cage, but it was more white noise than a true hindrance.

Five minutes later, he still had nothing. But there was something…different.

A tantalizing scent. Not overly sharp, though just light enough that he couldn’t identify it with confidence. And he wanted to know more.

It wasn’t fruit or soap. Nor was it vanilla, like the scented candles Pinky loved so much.

Something smooth snaked its way under his nose, brushing the fur above his lips. The scent was closer now. His nose twitched.

“ACHOO!”

Startled by the force of his sudden sneeze, Brain’s eyes flew open. He rubbed his nose to wipe off the lingering sensation, staring down at Pinky’s long tail, which sat unassumingly in his lap. The tip was wrapped around the stem of a small red rose.

The tail lifted, rubbing against the fur under Brain’s chin. Brain felt his cheeks heat up again, and he quickly batted the offending appendage away.

“Pinky, you’re not helping my state of-“ Brain began, ready to launch into a verbal tirade on how he needed to think and if Pinky wasn’t going to help then he could make like a mitotic cell and split…and then he saw a very familiar, perhaps all too-familiar, lavender tuxedo with an overstuffed dark purple…something underneath.

He couldn’t tell if it was a shirt, vest, or pincushion. A gold button glinted in the middle of Pinky’s chest.

Gulping, Brain knew the mysterious article of clothing was the least of his concerns. He forced himself to look up, gaze raking past the slender neck and toward half-lidded, coy blue eyes. A sophisticated mustache poked out from each side of Pinky’s muzzle. And he was genteel, charismatic…

Suave.

Pinky’s ability to play a character to perfection never ceased to astound him. He still remembered? Brain had long destroyed the Personalitron and its blueprints, deeming them unnecessary and cumbersome.

“Pardonnez-moi, you with the giant head and marshmallow body are seeking the passionate advice of I, the great Pinky…Suavvvo-“ he drawled every syllable with that odd French accent, r’s rolling off his tongue like smooth butter “-for your…ah, Saint Valentine card, no?”

Fu—choose your words wisely—I mean, dear name of a historical contributor to the scientific or mathematical field who I can’t identify properly at this time.

“I fail to see how playing dress-up is going to help with this conundrum, Pinky Suavo.” Brain stood up and crossed his arms. He wasn’t about to let the Suavo persona sway him. He was the Brain, and he bowed to no one.

Exert control over the situation. Yes. That’s what he needed.

Suavo plucked the rose from his tail between two practiced fingers, inhaling its scent deeply. Where did he even get that rose from? The lab wasn’t growing flora for any reason, nor did any scientist have the green thumb to care for anything so fragile.

“Oh, but love is always…how did you say, a conundrum, is it not?” he purred, and Brain scowled. But Suavo was unperturbed. “One may pluck the petals from a pretty flower and ask if one loves or loves not, yet how will one know if they ask the flower and not the lover? Oh, I do not know.”

His voice dipped into a lower, softer register, and a strange sensation traveled up Brain’s spine. Though the riddle seemed directed at him, he wasn’t in the mood to unravel any cryptic meanings.

Just like before, Suavo’s magnetism was…hypnotizing. Like he had no choice but to do what Pinky Suavo said. And wasn’t that ironic? He, the Brain, as the hapless follower instead of the commanding leader.

Suavo appeared oblivious to Brain’s internal dilemma. He simply set the rose back into his tail and twirled one curled end of the mustache around his finger, humming a dreamy, sentimental song to himself. He was waiting on Brain in the most irritating fashion possible.

But if he wanted this plan to work, he’d just have to tolerate Pinky’s attempt at resolving his predicament.

“Pinky Suavo,” Brain sighed, forcing all his pride back. Suavo turned to him, his eyes still in that odd half-lidded position. “Is that overstuffed pincushion actually giving you ideas for the card?”

“Of course, mon ami.” Suavo slicked his ears and fur tuft back with a smooth, graceful stroke of his hand. “For it is he, who is I, who is the connoisseur of…ammooooouuuur.”

Brain grabbed his notepad and pencil, his stomach doing odd backflips like butterflies had somehow burrowed their way into his flesh and laid eggs there. He was not paying attention to Suavo’s hand movements. No, the eye was just naturally drawn to movement. That’s how it worked.

Besides, he was looking at the same being who once managed to get all his fingers and tail tangled up in a complicated cat’s cradle.

Suavo clicked his tongue, deftly plucking the items out of Brain’s grip. “No, no, you silly mouse. You cannot experience amour through pen and paper alone. You must feel it, see it, hear it. For it is everywhere and anywhere you search…if only you would use those big ears of yours.”

Brain gritted his teeth and jumped for his supplies, but Suavo simply held them out of reach with one long arm. All Brain could manage was a tiny hop. It wasn’t getting him anywhere.

So he took a deep breath and forced himself to relax.

“I’m listening, Pinky Suavo,” Brain said, hoping he sounded at least a little cordial. “I believe the colloquial is, I’m all ears?”

A pleased smile flitted across Suavo’s face, his arm lowering.

Perfect.

Then Brain threw himself forward, digging his hands and feet into Suavo’s clothing and hauling himself towards the notepad and pencil. Fortunately, it wasn’t hard to grip. Suavo stumbled a bit, but he refused to yield. Brain grabbed a fabric fold on Suavo’s right shoulder. He was so close-

-and a red nose pushed into his own. Warm, mint-scented breath tickled the fur on his face.

“You know, it is more, ah, polite to take a mouse to dinner before you begin climbing him, is it not?” Suavo crooned.

Brain’s ears flopped against his back, a warm sensation sweeping through his body. His clammy paws lost their grip on Suavo’s clothing, and he would’ve fallen entirely if Suavo’s free arm hadn’t wrapped around his waist and secured him with a strong yet gentle grip.

In hindsight, perhaps his attempt at reclaiming his belongings was ill-thought out.

Perhaps it was for the best that the arm was covered by fabric, but at the same time, some irrational thought of wanting Pinky’s fur against his own wormed its way into his mind.

Suavo set the notepad and pen down with care, dipping Brain in the process. Brain clutched the fabric tightly, but it was unnecessary. Suavo’s embrace was strong enough to prevent him from landing on his head. Then Suavo straightened up, once again plucking the rose from his tail and holding it next to Brain.

“Oh, now this is…magnifique,” Suavo murmured, his eyes darting from the rose to Brain’s face. Though Brain tried to maintain eye contact to make his displeasure known, his resolve was quickly crumbling away. Surely it was the close proximity, the thumb stroking his fur, that was picking apart all rational thought and leaving some hormone-driven creature behind?

“What?” Brain asked, and he inwardly cringed. His voice wasn’t working properly. He’d meant to sound more demanding than that pathetic excuse of a question.

“Your eyes, mon ami, are just a few shades lighter this rose,” Suavo said. Brain stared at him in disbelief. Comparing eyes to flowers, or worse, gemstones, was just ridiculous.

And your comparison of Pinky’s aesthetically pleasing eyes to the wild blue yonder above isn’t?

Brain ignored the contemptuous voice. That was completely different. The sky was neither a flower nor a gemstone, and therefore it wasn’t off-limits. Besides, it was a thought for him and him alone. It’s not like anyone else was going to hear it.

“You are but a deer mouse in the headlights. Yet there is no need to hide under a thorny layer,” Suavo hummed, tilting his head curiously. Deliberately. How strange. Even the slightest movement was mesmerizing. His fingers traveled up the flower stem, until his hand rested underneath the petals, supporting the tiny rose in the palm of his hand. “A rosebush may scratch and prick, yet the great Pinky Suavo cannot be swayed. For there’s a pretty bloom hidden in the darkness, and he is who moi shall…shall…NARF!”

Shocked by the return of the nonsensical exclamation, Brain lost his hold on Pinky Suavo’s clothing. He fell onto the counter surface with a pained groan. The hard material wasn’t doing wonders for the bends in his tail.

Something fluttered against his nose, causing Brain to sneeze again. He removed the offending object, and found himself staring down at the rose he’d been teased with. If he ignored the heavy-handed rose imagery Suavo kept spouting, it was rather adequate for a specimen.

“Narf! Zort! Poit! Egad!” Pinky laughed uncontrollably between his usual tics, uttering them at such a fast rate that they started to blend together like a tongue twister. “Ooh, I haven’t—troz! Haven’t said narf in a long time! But it’s poit—it’s okay cause you needed my help!”

Idiot.

Brain sighed and pushed himself to a standing position, then placed the rose on his notepad so Pinky could reclaim it later.

Now that he thought about it, Pinky hadn’t said any of his favorite syllables in his Suavo persona. Of course, they’d been replaced by stupid love poetry and gratuitous French, but the narfs and poits and zorts were rather refreshing.

Odd. He never thought he’d actually miss Pinky’s…unique diction.

“Pinky, were you actively suppressing your usual speech patterns in your strange form of assistance?” Brain asked. He couldn’t help his curiosity.

“Zort! Oh Brain, I’m not nearly as good as suppressing things like you are!” Pinky’s chortles continued as Brain grabbed his wrist and led him straight to the water bottle in their cage. “Besides—narf! Besides, I had to stay in character!”

“Remind me to never have you play a villain for any future plans revolving around cinema,” Brain grumbled.

Pinky’s tail happily flicked against Brain’s own. Though the imbecile was just swishing it around mindlessly, the brief physical contact suddenly brought back that very odd, warm sensation.

Curse this heightened sensitivity! It’s only a principle of thermodynamics and heat transfer!

“Brain, are you okay? Poit,” Pinky asked as Brain made him sit down in front of the water bottle. “You’re all woozy and whirlywindy. And white and red all over like a newspaper!”

“I’m f-fine,” Brain said. He was absolutely not relying on Pinky for balance. “Just drink, Pinky. And take off those silly clothes when you’re done.”

Pinky stared, not comprehending anything Brain said, but that was normal for him. Then he started to laugh, and only then did Brain realize he needed to watch his word choice, especially around a certain someone, because of course his fluff-filled mind would misconstrue it.

“Not like that!” Brain spat.

Pinky tipped onto his back, legs kicking upwards as his high-pitched laughter continued to assault Brain’s ears.

For the sake of his own sanity, he left Pinky to his own devices and stormed over to the nearest sink. He pushed on the tap for cold water until he’d created his own miniature waterfall, then hopped right in. He welcomed the cascade over his body.

As long as it pushed his homeostasis in the opposite direction, he was fine with resembling a drowned rat for now.

o-o-o-o-o

The plan failed before it ever took off. Brain had been so distracted that he’d failed to notice the lab was completely out of colored ink, rendering the copy machines completely useless.

He’d gone with the ‘you’re the sour cream to my potatoes’ message for the front cover, formatting it into the speech bubble in an elegant cursive font. Though it wasn’t conventional by any means, he simply considered it again since no other suggestions were forthcoming.

But at the same time, part of him wasn’t keen on allowing the masses to lay eyes on the Valentine card.

It seemed special. Unexplainably so.

“Brain?” Pinky called. His verbal tics had long gone back to their normal frequency. “Aren’t we taking over the world tonight?”

Brain shook his head, relieved that he finally had control over his body again. “Not tonight, Pinky. I’m afraid I’ve been prematurely thwarted by the lack of inventory in this lab.”

“Oh, you don’t have to be afraid, Brain,” Pinky said. Gone were Suavo’s clothing and mustache, and Pinky’s lean, muscular arms were on full display as he folded them across his chest. “I’ll protect you from Tory.”

It was an unnecessary gesture, but Brain couldn’t help but be touched by the admission all the same. Brain made a show of carefully placing the card into storage, just so he could distract himself momentarily.

When he finished his task, he found Pinky holding an elegant paper rose, crafted meticulously with purple tissue paper. A light blush settled over Brain’s cheeks as he accepted the gift from Pinky, whose blue eyes shone brightly as Brain ran his fingers over the soft petals.

“Thank you, Pinky,” Brain said gratefully, and he resisted the urge to rush off immediately and place the paper rose with his globe keychain, another gift from his dearest friend.

“You’re welcome!” Pinky smiled, and Brain’s heart beat faster. Then Pinky’s gaze flicked to the TV screen, and Brain figured he was about to be roped into watching a cheesy love story unfold. “Brain, can we watch Beauty and the Beast please? With those special Valentine M&M’s and chocolate-coated popcorn? I saw a whole bunch in the kitchen! Narf!”

Well…he could’ve suggested worse. At least this one was tolerable.

And it’s been a while since they’d watched a movie together.

“Get everything set up, Pinky,” Brain ordered. “I’ll join you when I’m finished with my own tasks.”

Pinky saluted and scampered into the kitchen, grabbing the rose he’d held in his Suavo persona along the way. He sang at the top of his lungs, though he’d forgotten most of the actual words and replaced them with a series of narfs and portmanteaus. Once Pinky was sufficiently distracted, Brain moved his notepad and pen over to the TV, then laid the paper rose over it.

He heard the crinkle of a bag followed by the sound of M&M’s being poured into a bowl. Pinky would be back any minute.

Brain knocked his head against the side of a wall.

Calm yourself. Pinky believes pebbles are precious gifts. You’ll be fine. Probably.

Slowly, he approached the drawer where he’d kept his hidden present. Sifting through several sheets of paper covered with complex formulas he’d deliberately placed in there to ward off Pinky, he found the sunflower pen he’d carefully hidden towards the back.

It wasn’t exactly…traditional for a Valentine’s gift. Simple blue ink with a green body and tipped with a bright yellow sunflower.

But it was bright. And colorful. Like Pinky.

More importantly, it was practical.

Brain’s ears twitched, and he heard the whirring of the VCR as Pinky popped in the movie. Brain debated leaving the pen and presenting it after the movie, but he didn’t want to procrastinate either. Otherwise it would be impossible to enjoy their activity.

Well, he could just drop it in Pinky’s lap. And snatch up some popcorn so his actions wouldn’t be too conspicuous. He climbed out of the drawer, holding the pen behind his back.

A preview for The Little Mermaid began to play. Pinky was enraptured by the animated marine animals. He seemed so happy.

Maybe he should reconsider. Valentine items would be discounted next week. He could just hold off and give a belated…what was he thinking? Valentine’s was just another day to turn profit!

The paper rose was sitting right there. No…Valentine’s meant something to Pinky. Like Christmas.

“Goody, you’re back, Brain!” Pinky cheered, stuffing two pink M&M’s into his mouth. The large bowl beside him was overflowing with chocolate. “It’s not raining inside, but I love your parasol! Where’d you buy it?”

A parasol?

He glanced up at the sunflower. Oh. So there was a resemblance to a parasol, he supposed. If one viewed it at a certain angle, that is.

“It’s a pen. Not a parasol. Take it,” Brain said, holding out the sunflower pen.

Pinky didn’t take it.

Instead, he made a joyful noise and crushed Brain with a flying embrace. Brain dropped the pen in surprise as Pinky’s entire body curled around him, feet off the ground. Brain had to support all his weight, Pinky’s warm fur brushing against his own.

“I love it! Loveitloveitloveit! Thanks, Brain!” Pinky squealed, happy tears forming at the corners of his eyes. “Happy Valentine’s Day!”

“You’re welcome, Pinky,” Brain murmured as Pinky nuzzled his cheek. “Now get off. I require my lungs. And heart. And my digestive system.”

Pinky didn’t get off until the Disney fanfare to herald the beginning of the movie began to play. Then he quieted down immediately, rolling the sunflower pen so that it rested across his lap.

“…happy Valentine’s Day,” Brain whispered, nibbling on a red M&M.

Pinky smiled back, teeth flecked with bits of chocolate. He shushed Brain, not wanting him to interrupt the opening narration.

As the enchanted rose appeared onscreen, Brain stroked the soft tissue paper of Pinky’s beautiful creation. Then he set it aside and reached for some popcorn.

His world was here. And there was nothing more he wanted.

Fun fact: the original name for this fic was going to be Suavo Valentino, but the current title was a last minute change cause somehow I just wrote a lot about roses.

Another change: The Princess Bride bit was originally a dig at High School Musical and how Disney Channel has bad romance in general, but since that was mid 2000s I changed it so this story could reasonably fit in the 90s.

Suavo’s lines...were interesting. I couldn’t stop laughing at how dumb some of them were though.

Brain’s got it bad here. Save him.

Are the roses corny? Yes. Do I care? Not really. Maybe. Possibly.

#pinky and the brain #patb fanfiction #pinky suavo #suavo sunday

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popculturebuffet · 4 years ago

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Darkwing Double Feature: The Quiverwing Quack and Paint Misbehavin (Paint Misbehavin Comissoned by WeirdKev27)

Greetings darkwings of the night! It’s time to return to our daring duck of mystery for a third double feature! This one’s been a longtime coming.. as in since around black friday when I did a comissions sale. As usual Kev was my only customer and he bought both Splatter Phoenix episodes... and I shamefully admit this one has sat in my queue for a while as I wanted to finish the justice ducks retrospective first, as I also wanted to cover Quiverwing Quack’s first appearance, on my own time, and I wanted to save doing any Negaduck till I got done with Justice Ducks. And that’s where errors were made, as I PAUSED said retrospective forgetting I both had this review sitting in my queue, and that I really didnt have that much left to go on it. SO yeah this took WAY longer than I usually do for a commission, and I apologize for that and i’m happy to correct it, with this, along with the freebie I gave him at the time, coming out tommorow i’ll finally be caught up and promise this won’t happen again. So with my needed apologizes out of the way, let’s talk about why this is a double feature. Simple: Paint Misbehavin is Quiverwing Quack, Gosalyn’s superhero alter ego’s, only other appearance on the show. It would appear in the comics.. in a fashion.. but we’ll get to that. So it dind’t feel quite right covering one without the other, especially since this version of gos is a fan faviorite of many. So does our archer live up to the hype? Let’s get dangerous under the cut and find out.

The Quiverwing Quack:

This.. may be the best Darkwing i’ve seen so far. There is some competition of course, but this one is easily the frontrunner. It’s hilarious, has a really great and intresting plot, few faults, and is just.. about as good as this show can get. I could end that here but I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t, so let’s get into why.

The episode starts with a fairly typical day for Darkwing: Fighting Negaduck, hilariously as always, and mocking his arch enemy for only being Public Enemy #2 behind Dr. Slug, an oft mentioned but never seen in an actual episode villian that’s apparently one of DW’s deadliest foes. So already we have a great motive for Negaduck, who usually just has the motive of “destroy darkwing’ or do evil, though to the show’s credit, just looking at the summaries for his other eps alone, they NEVER ran out of ideas for the guy or forgot he was as clever as he was ax crazy.

But just as he’s about to beat darkwing, Gosalyn arrives with an archery set Launchpad purchased for her and easily holds him down. And rather than be greatful Drake is mad at her and feels the arrows are too dangerous which.. fair those look to be real arrows but not the time or place. Gosalyn however is angry her dad stopped her and is chafing both under his overprotectivness and feeling this is about ego, creates her own crime fighting alter ego Quiverwing Quack, dragging Honker along as her sidekick Arrow Boy. He dosen’t WANT to get into hero work, but he’s afraid she’ll pulverize him if he dosen’t. HA HA.. GET IT.. BECAUSE SHE’S A GIRL AND IT’S NOT LIKE GIRLS CAN ABUSE BOYS HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAA

Yeah as you can tell that bit hasn’t aged well and is the one down note in an otherwise great episode. And I do mean great. Because this essential conflict works perfectly and is expertly built on what we’ve already seen of the characters.

For starters Gosalyn forming her own hero identity feels like a natural evolution of her character. It genuinely feels that, given her love for adventure and of her dad being a superhero, that she’d take the next step in wanting to follow in her footsteps and put on her own costume eventually. Her making her OWN rather than something derivitative of darkwing also perfectly fits both her anger at her dad’s overprotectivness and her own individual nature. The costume itself is.. okay pretty simplistic, with an early green arrow style hat and some gloves and boots.. but while I didn’t like it at first It’s grown on me a bit, as I realized it feels like the kind of a costume a kid would throw together and given Gosalyn dosne’t have her dad’s backing, it makes sense the costume would be slapped together. Grante dit dosen’t explain her trick arrows, but given we’ve seen gosalyn is pretty talented and that she can easily acess Darkwing’s lair, it’s not a huge stretch to say she went into her dad’s lair while he was gone, took some suplies and made the arrows herself.

And i’ll freely admit i’m a sucker for a good archer hero as Hawkeye is easily one of my faviroite superheroes. Which granted is a sentence I know will probably baffle anyone who hasn’t picked up a comic with clint, or has but it was written by brianmicheal bendis, as in the movies up to Endgame you could easily replace him with a block of wood with a purple h painted on it and no one would notice the difference. And other archer heroes like Arowette, Speedy, Kate Bishop, Arsenal and Green Arrow are also on the whole pretty fucking awesome, as is the Young Justice Cartoon version of Artemis and the JLU version of Green Arrow. So this was kind of a slam dunk for me and the fact Gos’ costume comes off as a combination of Hawkeye and Green Arrow, having Ollie’s hat but Clint’s purple color scheme and gloves with no sleeves aesthetic, just makes me all the more on board for this.

What truly makes the episode though is Darkwing, whose internal conflict is masterful to watch. While his being overproective isn’t anything new to the show, this episode takes it in a more dramatic directon: While there’s still a few jokes the episode gives some very painful reasons why he’s like this: He dosen’t want to loose his baby girl, both figuratively in her growing up and becoming more self sufficent.. and literally in her dying. It’s a terror any parent faces and it makes him sympathetic: While he IS overreacting at times and would be better off training her and helping nurture her while still keeping her safe, so when she DOES run off to do her own thing she’ll be ready, you can’t blame him for not wanting that, for wanting her to just stay home, stay safe and stay ALIVE. The comics, which i’ve read some of and will cover here at some point, make this hit HARDER as during the second arc, where we meet a bunch of Darkwing Ducks from other dimenisons.. and one of them is Quiverwing Duck. You can probably guess just by the name what happened to his Gosalyn after years and years of working together.

So the risk .. is very real. Loosing her is VERY possible. Being a kid to teen superhero is a VERY dangerous line of work as with less experince and being a possible target if you have any mentors, and sometimes you genuinely DON’T make it. Cypher, Jason Todd Robin, Ultimate Peter Parker, Synch, Danny Chase, Kid Devil, Skin, Wallflower, Icarus, Genisis.. the list goes on, and on, and while MOST of them came back even then the ones that did didnt exactly lack in scars: Jason was never the same after the joker’s beating and Doug, Cypher, had severe trauma he never adressed. The danger Darkwing fears is VERY real.. but is a danger she faces ANYWAY by rushing in and acompanying him. The tragedy is traning her would at least give her a fighting chance as it’s clear from the above that Quiverwing Duck’s Gos died not because she wasn’t ready or because her dad din’t train her.. but because , like MOST of the heroes above.. she died a hero saving the world. And the show recognizes this even if it doen’t mention the death because the show has to have limits and it was the early 90′s, wiht Darkwing’s fears also being that she’s growing up. He knows sh’es capable of this.. he’s just tearful she’s growing up.. and that she could be gone. It puts his overprotectiveness from other episodes in a much more understandable light, and makes it clear that while it comes from a good place it’s not really healthy: As the episode shows, Gosalyn thinks ALL he sees of her is a baby to be coddled and protected and not as her own person, and while he’s right to protect her.. he’s gone so far in it and in dismisisng her again, and again AND AGAIN, that he’s given the poor girl a complex. Leaping into danger alone isn’t the answer.. but when we get to the climax of the episode you can see why it’s gotten this bad. It’s suprisingly layred for what’s normally a pretty simple character conlficts. Here there’s no easy answer and even while by the end Darkwing’s accepted she’ll be a hero someday and both earnestly apologize, ther’es no real resolution. And sometimes.. that’s okay. It’s something they could’ve revisited had the series gone on and we did get at least one sequel episode at least and the comics do explore the issue of gosalyn being a kid hero and drake’s overprotectiness, with his issues there being why he retired and ended up badly straining his relationhip with gosalyn and ending , for a while, his friendship with launchpad and relationsihp with morgan as well as his costumed career. But obviously as I said we’ll get to that another day. But as an episode.. this one is truly excellent and one of the best the series put out, with plenty of humor but the more complicated dynamics at play BUILT on what we’ve seen before, including Gos rightfuly supsecting dakwing’s against her due to his own ego at points, are what elevate it to the series best. So how’d they follow it up?

Paint Misbehavin:

This one’s in an awkard middle place, where it’s FAR better than the previous splatter Phoenix Episode but not as good as “The Quiverwing Quack”. Still it’s a pretty fun episode all together. So the main plot is that Darkwing and Gosalyn are at cross purposes because Darkwing is overshadowed by Gosalyn, in this case at the local comic con where Gosalyn, returning to her Quiverwing Quack guise, is the big new thing while Darkwing’s practically ignored.

Yeah no way around it this is a rehash of “Whiffle While You Work”, same basic conflict, just with suprheroing instead of a video game. So naturally at first it annoyed me especially since they had a debate over who was better, Darkwing’s old traditional hero or Gosalyn’s new very 90′s hero. This.. goes about nowhere and is just cringe inducing for me as a comics fan, whose not against 90′s characters but acknolsges the vast majority got better LATER under new writers, with the exception of some such as superboy, steel, kyle rayner and impulse, who were fresh out of the package. Thankfully.. the episode pushes past this and it ends up being a better version of Whiffle While You Work, as Drake isn’t as overbearingly obnoxious as he was there: Here Gosalyn is just as egotsitical, at one point trying to lead him away from a crime scene, and it’s only when they finally work as a team that they become unstoppable. It does say something though that Darkwing has genuinely grown as his objection is pure ego instead of overprotectivness like last time and he willingly lets her tag along even if he’s trying to show her up. It’s not the BEST conflict, and it ends with egos clashing, but while this part of the episode is recycled.. at least it’s recycling an episode that genuinely wasted the idea and using it better. Darkwing being jealous here is FAR more understandable as he’s been a hero far longer and while his ego is way too big for his head, it’s understandble to be a big pissy, and agian he dosen’t go nearly as far in how he treats gosalyn. He just wants to show up his own daughter and he’s shown as fully wrong for this. Not great but far better than before. What IS great and what makes this episode fun, is Splatter Phoenix, whose even better than last time. I attribute this to the change in voice actors. While Dani Staahl was excellent.. her replacment is far better and far more notable. It’s SCTV’s andrea martin... who i’m realizing most of you have probably never heard of.

Or know what SCTV is. It was before both our times trust me: it was an early 80′s sketch comedy show that had a unique premise as the sketches were all programs for a fictional tv station, and there’d often be wraparounds about what was going on at the station that oftne led to sketches or impacted them: From dealing with sponser issues brought on by the Moral Majority, aliens, the russians hyjacking their signal, and forging checks from Fred Willard’s account, yes that was a plot and yes he was indeed a guest star, there was no end to the number of shenanigans in and out of program. IT was really good stuff with an all star cast: John Candy, Rick Moranis, Dave Thomas, Cathrine O’Hara, Eugene Levy, Joe Flarhety, Martin Short, and of course Martin. Even Harold Ramis was on the show for it’s first season. It was just a damn good time and if you can find the dvd’s or clips on youtube I recommend it. My point is Martin is vastly underated and really deserves better than she’s gotten, and this eps proves it as her energy really adds to Splatter’s astetic and really fits the show like a glove and it’s a shame the show ended shortly after this episode, as it would’ve been nice to see her return in the role. But for a one shot she’s UTTERLY awesome, and Splatter gets to do far more this time as her brush has now expanded to be able to create, so we get helicopter cats, pumpkin dogs, a pink gorilla with a toaster for a head and when told superheroes always win she creates her own, absract man, with a hand for a head and a weird body and I just want to see more of him. He even skips off with Launchpad’s faivorie hero, bascally mr rodgers as a weasel, after launchpad draws the guy in. I want to see this gay couple fight crime with love and existetaalism dammit!

But yeah she’s just fun, as is her vandalism of various art works including making the dogs playing poker into skeletons.. which I now want a picture of for my room because that is nice. SHe also brings back the art shitfts from before in little ways, transforming darkwing into abstract art and to blocky art at diffrent points with her brush. And that’s what puts this episode over the other: The creativity is still there but without the whole “Honker being gaslighted” plot that I still hate to this very second, it’s allowed to be fun and fancy free and with Splatter out in the open she’s allowed to get a LOT more ambitious and thus the writers and martin get to have a LOT more fun with the gimmick.

So while I do feel the episode’s a bit crowded, as they try to cram in both splatter phoenix and this super feud between family into the same space and both episodes would’ve been better served seperatley, i’ts so fun with clever use of the magic brush by our heroes and what not I can’t help but love it. I don’t love the climax though as splatter gets turpentine spilled on her by gosalyny and .. melts for some reason. Because she’s made of paint now even though that was never a thing before? Not to mention the fact our heroes just killed a person...

So yeah the ending’s a bit wonky but it’s a fun episode with the return of a great villian, a decent of played out main conflict and some great gags and fights in it. All in all i’m glad I got comissioned for this one and finally tackled it. Good stuff. So that does it for this. We’ll be back to darkwing next week just in time for valentine’s day.. and back with Negaduck too. Until then it’s been a pleasure.

#darkwing duck #drake mallard #gosalyn mallard #launchpad mcquack #negaduck #jim starling #splatter phoenix #paint misbehavin #quiverwing quack #honker muddlefoot #reviews #disney #disney plus

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gadgetspinoy · 4 years ago

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ONE OF THE REVIEWS: “ THANK YOU SO MUCH KC HND KO ALAM KONG ILANG BISIS NA AKO NAKA BILI DITO SA STORE NATU PERO HND AKO BINIGO NI SELLER I RECOMEND THIS STORE GODBLESS SANA MAY PA FREEBIES NA KAYO NEXT SHIP OUT KO “

YOU CAN BUY IT HERE: https://invol.co/cl1q6ph

#3: DIY Self Adhensive 3D wall sticker Brick Living Room Decor Foam Waterproof Wallpaper wall paper adhesive wall decor

PRODUCT SOLD: 106,127

PRICE: ₱25 - ₱32

Product Description: 💥27pesos for white per pcs,32pesos for ugrade one,the ugrade one is thicker,so many customer choose ugrade,it is good Ordinary thickness: 3mm Upgraded thickness: 4mm

Description: Material: PE Color: As shown Scope: bedroom background TV background, background sofa, living room background, clothing background ... Dimensions: 35cmx30cm Effect: better noise reduction effect. Free DIY, easy self-adhesive design, installation, casual collage, arbitrarily cut. Three-dimensional decorative soft foam, anti-collision for children, care for your family safe. lifelike, natural brick pattern effect, simple and modern style. safety and environmental protection, non-toxic odor-free, suitable for family safe home space. Package Include: 1x3D Brick Wallpaper Note: 💥1.When pasting, please keep the front, back, left, and right of the wallpaper neat 💥2.Some wallpaper may have a length error of less than one centimeter. When sticking at this time, in order to keep it flush, you can paste the extra part on another wallpaper（There will be instructions in the picture） 💥3. If it is artificially caused that the wallpaper paste is uneven, and then request for return, will be refused, please be careful!

ONE OF THE REVIEWS: “ okay naman sya kaso bakit open na sya pagdating? okay naman quality nya.. then responsive si seller..Thank you pa rin po kasi complete order ko.. :)“

YOU CAN BUY IT HERE: https://invol.co/cl1q6u9

#4: TERNO PAJAMA DIRECT SUPPLIER ADULT TRENDY FASHION SCARLET COMFY PAJAMA TERNO SET

PRODUCT SOLD: 22,092

PRICE: ₱124 - ₱129

Product Description: ⚠ Reminders Before Ordering ⚠ ✨RANDOM means random design and color po siya , pero depende sa variation na order niyu like random cherry , cherry siya pero assorted color pero cherry design, and random cute cartoon random siya na design ng cartoon and assorted color NO CHOOSING po . ✨Please swipe left to see item descriptions and measurements ✨All items are actual photo as we shoot our own products ✨FOLLOW our shop to get a extra DISCOUNT VOUCHER ✨ Resellers are welcome! ✨Ships daily except Sundays and holidays ✨Delivery may take 🚛 3-5 days within NCR (on average) 5-10 days other Region (on average) ✨Strictly no cancellation of orders once placed. ✨Siguraduhin na meron laging magrerecieve ng COD orders ✨please make sure that the PAYMENT is ready upon delivery. ✨Returned / unreceived orders = AUTO BLOCK. ✨No return no exchange policy ✨Products must fit 12"x18" pouch ✨Max weight per checkout 5kg ✨We check your items for quantity and quality prior to shipping ✨Please manage your expectations considering the price, we believe it should exceed your expectation ✅ All our items are of the best quality and 100% brand new. ✅ Place your order before 4:00 PM and will be ship out the following day ✅ Please read the product description before placing order. ✅ In case of receiving a damaged or wrong item, please message us immediately within 24hrs, so we can accommodate your concerns maturely and professionally. ✅ Feel free to message us for concerns and give us the chance to settle any problem that you encountered before rating us. We look forward on improving our service for our beloved customers. NOTE: COURIER’S EFFICIENCY are NOT SELLER'S CONTROL/FAULT #BESTSELLER #SALE #KOREANFASHION #FASHIONTRENDS #DRESSTOIMPRESS #STREETSTYLE #WOMENSWEAR #WOMENSFASHION #HIGHQUALITY #DAILYOUTFIT #DIRECTSUPPLIER #OOTD #READYSTOCK #CELEBRITYCLOTHES #ONHANDITEMS #COD #TRENDY #PAJAMASET #COMFY #PAMBAHAY #TERNO #freesize#fitsmediumsizetolargeframe****

ONE OF THE REVIEWS: “ Thank you seller😊. Well packaged. Ang bilis din ng delivery nya. Maganda din colors ng mga pjs na dumating sakin. Will order again. Thank you shopee👍 Thank you kuya rider.“

YOU CAN BUY IT HERE: https://invol.co/cl1q6w4

#5: Men’s fashion Sports Shorts/Jogger Sweat Shorts cotton

PRODUCT SOLD: 128.3K

PRICE: ₱68

Product Description: Free size

- waitsline -27 28 29 30 31 32 -

- COD -mens casual shorts

#mens#shorts#fashion#koreansty#shorts

ONE OF THE REVIEWS: “ Order received na po today... Ang bilis lang dumating ng mga orders qo... Di qo alam kngbpang ilang orders qo na to...😆😂🤣 pero im sure oorder po uli aqo salamat“

YOU CAN BUY IT HERE: https://invol.co/cl1q6xr

#6: Anti-Blue Women Round Glasses Eyeglasses Anti Radiation YUE

PRODUCT SOLD: 101.7K

PRICE: ₱15 - ₱35

Product Description:

Gender: Women, Men

Style: Fashion

Material: PC+Plastic

Color: Black, Blue, Pink, Grey

Total Width:144mm

Lens Height: 51mm

Lens Width: 53mm

Bridge: 19mm

Leg Length: 142mm

Made of high quality material, it is very sturdy. Fashion optical glasses provides smooth and comfort. They are suitable for men & women. Package included: 1 PC Glasses

#mens#shorts#fashion#koreansty#shorts

ONE OF THE REVIEWS: “Nice quality. Fast seller, from China, arrived in 4 days only. Well packed, inside a carton box. I hope i can buy more from flash sale. Worthy of making a video with sounds. Thanks seller. Thanks courier and rider. Thanks Shopee, for Flash Sale.“

YOU CAN BUY IT HERE: https://invol.co/cl1q70y

#7: YAZI Korean Cute Belt Chest Bag Waist Bags Women Ladies Sling Girls Fashion 2833

PRODUCT SOLD: 18.4K

PRICE: ₱22

Product Description:

ENJOY FREE SHIPPING & CASH ON DELIVERY FOR A MINIMUM PURCHASE OF 500 PESOS ONLY 👏🏻

EARN LOTS OF SHOPEE COINS

CASH ON DELIVERY

ONHAND AND READY TO SHIP

PAY TODAY SHIP TOMORROW

NOTE: WRONG PLACEMENT OF SHIPPING FEE WILL NOT BE PROCESSED AND DELIVERY PERIOD: 🚚 4-10 Days PLEASE READ CAREFULLY BEFORE PLACING AN ORDER/S ⬇️

ALL ITEMS ARE AVAILABLE UNLESS MARKED AS "SOLD OUT"

✔CHOOSE THE CORRECT VARATION IF THE ITEMS HAS DIFFERENT COLORS/PRINTS SO WE CAN AVOID MISTAKES

✔WE ACCEPT RETURNS IF THE ITEM IS NOT YET WORN OR USED. BUYER WILL SHOULDER THE RETURN SHIPPING COST

Service:

- (1)All of our items are as stated in their descriptions.

- (2)the items are 100% new, we offer the best product at the best price.

- (3)If the item you received is defective, please contact us immediately.

Allows use of Shopee promo codes for your security & more savings!

#bag #bags #koreanbag #freeshipping #ladiesbag #branded #fashion #shionbag #cutebag #cod #codbags #sale #yazi #koreanfashion #korean #koreanbags #bagswomen #leatherbag #bestseller

ONE OF THE REVIEWS: “ Ang ganda. Good quality, sulit ang presyo sa quality ng bag. Perfect for christmas gift, pwede din oang benta. Thank you so much seller ..will order again.“

YOU CAN BUY IT HERE: https://invol.co/cl1q74l

#8: Unisex Palie Jogger pants makapal quality CRVN

PRODUCT SOLD: 189.9K

PRICE: ₱90 - ₱96

Product Description:

#joggerpants #sports #shopeeph#highquality #cod#makapal

-Size: -medium-25.26PM

-color -Large-28.29 PM-color -XL-30 31 PM-color -XXL-33.34/36 PM-color Color: -Black -Light Gary -Dark Gary

-COD delivery

ONE OF THE REVIEWS: “ Maganda makapal Yung tela sakto Lang yung size and Wala nman damage over all maganda talga para sakin buti nalang Yung size nachambahan ko hahaha“

YOU CAN BUY IT HERE: https://invol.co/cl1q775

#9: NEW summer two strap rubber slippers women shoes

PRODUCT SOLD: 42K

PRICE: ₱75

Product Description:

SIZE:36-41 COLOR:BLACK/WHITE/BEIGE/BLUE This is an international standard size. Please purchase according to the actual size, or pay attention to our size chart, thank you. ENJOY FREE SHIPPING & CASH ON DELIVERY FOR A MINIMUM PURCHASE OF 199 PESOS ONLY 👏🏻

✅EARN LOTS OF SHOPEE COINS

✅CASH ON DELIVERY

✅ONHAND AND READY TO SHIP

✅PAY TODAY SHIP TOMORROW

NOTE: WRONG PLACEMENT OF SHIPPING FEE WILL NOT BE PROCESS DELIVERY PERIOD: 🚚 4-10 Days PLEASE READ CAREFULLY BEFORE PLACING AN ORDER/S ⬇️

✔️ALL ITEMS ARE AVAILABLE UNLESS MARKED AS "SOLD OUT"

✔CHOOSE THE CORRECT VARATION IF THE ITEMS HAS DIFFERENT COLORS/PRINTS SO WE CAN AVOID MISTAKES

✔WE ACCEPT RETURNS IF THE ITEM IS NOT YET WORN OR USED. BUYER WILL SHOULDER THE RETURN SHIPPING COST 💟

SERVICES: (1)All of our items are as stated in their descriptions.

(2)the items are 100% new,we offer the best product at the best price.

(3)If the item you received is defective, please contact us immediately.

ONE OF THE REVIEWS: “Order received na po today... Ang bilis lang dumating ng mga orders qo... Di qo alam kngbpang ilang orders qo na to...😆😂🤣 pero im sure oorder po uli aqo salamat“

YOU CAN BUY IT HERE: https://invol.co/cl1q798

#10: Korean basic Boxer shorts 1pcs

PRODUCT SOLD: 48.3K

PRICE: ₱22

Product Description:

#cod #freeshipping #boxerph #boxershorts #Boy #freesize #menunderwear #mensfashion Size :free size Assorted color Fabric cotton. kaysa samll meduim large

ONE OF THE REVIEWS: “Excellent quality very accommodating seller well packaged item shipped immediately will surely order again Excellent quality very accommodating seller well packaged item shipped immediately will surely order again Excellent quality very accommodating seller well packaged item shipped immediately will“

YOU CAN BUY IT HERE: https://invol.co/cl1q7ab

#facemask #curtain #wallsticker #pajama #men shorts #eyeglass #chest bag #joggerpants #rubber slippers #boxer shorts

2 notes · View notes

citationilola · 4 years ago

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Immigration Law Office of Los Angeles

Green Card Through Marriage: When a U.S. citizen marries a foreign national, the foreign spouse may qualify for a marriage-based green card and become a lawful permanent resident or a conditional permanent resident. Immigration Law Office of Los Angeles Getting a green card by marrying a US Citizen allows the foreign spouse to become a lawful permanent resident (LPR) depending upon if the foreign spouse legally entered the United States even if the foreign spouse became out of status subsequently. When the foreign spouse is in the United States, the foreign spouse may apply for a green card by submitting an application through USCIS without having to leave the United States if they entered legally. This process is called filing for an adjustment of status (I-485). After filing for an adjustment of status, the alien spouse can legally reside and work in the United States once an employment authorization document also known as an EAD is issued, as they will become eligible for an employment authorization 90 days after filing for an adjustment of status. In the U.S. the “immediate relative” classification (including spouse) allows a foreign national to apply for an immigrant visa without having to worry about preference categories or priority backlogs, since an immigrant visa will always be available to him or her. However, the green card marriage process can be complicated and requires in depth analysis by an experienced attorney to present evidence of a bona fide marriage and to prepare for the green card interview by being advised of possible green card marriage interview questions. 90 days prior to the Three Years anniversary of when the beneficiary spouse became a Lawful Permanent Resident, the beneficiary spouse may be eligible to apply to become a US citizen if certain conditions are met.

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In order to apply for a green card marriage, the U.S. Citizen or U.S permanent resident marrying a foreign national must submit a green card through marriage petition (I-130) to USCIS (U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services) to petition for his/her spouse. The U.S. Citizen petitioning for the spouse is referred to as the petitioner or sponsor, and the immigrant spouse who is marrying a green card holder or U.S. Citizen is referred to as the beneficiary. H1B Denial: At the Immigration Law Office of Los Angeles, attorney Michael Piston has extensive experience in Federal litigation, and can help you overcome the erroneous decision made on your H1b application by filing a Federal Lawsuit and get results by forcing the government to adjudicate cases that have been unlawfully delayed or overturn H1B extensions and H1B transfer arbitrary denials. Federal Court Litigation may be an effective way of resolving government’s H1B denials and errors. In well over 90% of the cases we file, the government reverses itself within 2-4 months of the case being filed. i 751 Form and i 751 waiver: If you received your green card by applying to the green card through marriage process (formally known as Adjustment of Status), and your marriage was less than 2 years when your green card was approved, what you received is a conditional green card, known as CR1 visa (Conditional permanent residency). The conditional green card is valid for only 2 years. After this period, if you wish to remain as a permanent resident in the U.S. you need to remove the conditions of your green card. This is done by submitting the form I 751 petition to remove conditions on residence. If you successfully submit this form and it gets approved, then you will move from the conditional permanent resident status to the permanent resident status, and your green card will be valid for 10 years.To remove the Green Card conditions you must: - Submit a Petition to Remove the Conditions on Residence (Form I-751). - Prove to USCIS that your marriage is a bona fide marriage. - Submit the application within 90 days prior to your conditional green card expiration date. - File jointly, meaning that both you and your spouse must file together. Although, if this is not possible, you may still be able to remove the conditions of your residency by filing an I-751 waiver. Now, what happens when this is not an option? What if due to different circumstances you are no longer together with your spouse? The answer is that you might still be able to remove the conditions of your residency by filing a waiver.There are basically 4 circumstances by which a waiver is possible: - Divorce: If you (the green card applicant) and the U.S. citizen divorce before two years of marriage, you can still file the Form i 751 Petition to Remove conditions on green card to continue to live in the U.S. The process will be a little more complicated though, since you will have to request for a waiver of the joint filing requirement. In the case of a divorce, your task is to compile substantial documentation showing that the marriage was a good-faith marriage, or bona fide, and was not just an “easy” way to get a green card. This could include proof that you have children together, evidence of shared resources, a family home, shared insurance and estate documents, photographs together, gifts offered, correspondence between the applicant and the U.S. citizen, etc. Another task is to prepare evidence of the reason the marriage ended, to prove it was not your fault. For instance, the applicant can provide evidence of having attempted marriage counseling. Nonetheless, it seems important to mention that it’s best if the divorce took place during your conditional residence. Also, the longer the marriage lasts, the better to prove it was a bona fide marriage. - Death of Spouse: Under the unfortunate event of the U.S. citizen passing away, the applicant may still apply to remove the conditions on his/her green card. In order to do this, the applicant must file the waiver based on the death of the petitioning spouse. If this is your case, you would have to submit a copy of your spouse’s death certificate. On top of this, other evidence is still required, such as evidence of the marriage being a good faith marriage when started. - An abusive Marriage: If you were a victim of violence, were battered or subjected to extreme cruelty, you can waive the requirement of the joint filing of the i 751 form. In order to submit this waiver, you will have to submit evidence of the abuse. If you ever reported domestic violence events, if you ever made a record of injuries (medical reports for example), these can be used as evidence. - Extreme hardship if put into removal proceedings: It applies if you think that by not obtaining permanent residency and being put into removal proceedings (eventually deported) you will face extreme hardship or extenuating circumstances in your home country. K1 Fiance visa: A fiancé(e) visa, also known as a K-1 visa is used to bring a foreign fiance to the United States so that the couple can marry and apply for a green card for the foreign partner. The process for bringing a fiance to the United States involves several agencies from the Department of Homeland Security and the Department of State: (1) United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS), (2) the National Visa Center (NVC), (3) the U.S. Department of State/U.S. embassy/consulate (DOS), and (4) U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP). The steps you need to follow are: Step 1: File fiance visa petition with USCIS Step 2: Once the petition is approved USCIS sends it to the NVC for further processing and submission of additional required documentation. Once processing is completed the NVC forwards the approved visa petition to the U.S. Embassy or consulate where your fiance will apply for issuance of the fiance visa. Step 3: The U.S. Embassy or consulate schedules the visa interview for your foreign fiance. At the interview the DOS consular will determine whether your fiance qualifies for the fiance visa. If approved the consular officer will issue the visa. Step 4: Your fiance enters the U.S. with their visa. The CBP officer at the port of entry might ask your fiance a few questions: such as where they intend to live in the U.S., some questions relating to the U.S. citizen fiance and the intention to marry within 90 days. The CBP officer will also take your fiance’s fingerprints and sealed documents previously received with the visa issued by the DOS. After the CBP officer finalizes their review, a stamp will be placed in the passport allowing your fiance to stay in the U.S. for 90 days. Nanny Green Card: For an application for labor certification to be approved under PERM for Nanny Positions, an Employer must do 6 things: 1. Offer a non citizen a “permanent” job effective no later than the date the non citizen becomes a permanent resident. 2. Request a prevailing wage determination (PWD) from U.S. Department of Labor (DOL). Typically, it takes about 4 months for the DOL to issue a prevailing wage. 3. Endeavor in good faith to recruit a U.S. worker to fill the job offered to the noncitizen by conducting the following recruitment activities: Place a notice describing the job in detail, including the offered wage, for 10 consecutive business days at the place the noncitizen will work (hereinafter “Job Posting). Advertise two times (2x) at a major newspaper (Sunday edition). Place a job order with the State Workforce Agency (SWA) for a minimum of 30 days. In the State of California, the SWA is Caljobs. 4. Prepare a written statement explaining why any U.S. worker who applied (if any) for the job was rejected only for lawful job related reasons.e) File the application with the ETA Application Center.f) The employer may be required to respond to further requests for documentation of his recruitment efforts to the Certifying Officer. The above will take approximately 3 -4 months from the time we receive the completed questionnaires from you and your prospective employee. Naturalization: Naturalization is the process laid out by the United States government, which allows foreign citizens or nationals to obtain U.S. citizenship providing they meet the requirements established in the Immigration and Nationality. You may qualify for naturalization if you have been a permanent U.S. resident for at least 5 years, or you have been married to a U.S. citizen for at least 3 years, (thus qualifying to file as a spouse of a U.S. citizen), or you have qualifying service in the U.S. armed forces. Providing you meet one of those qualifications, the basic requirements for obtaining naturalization are: - Having physically lived in the United States for either 2 1/2 years as a permanent resident or 1 1/2 years if married to a U.S. citizen, - Having not spent more than 12 months (of your 5 years or 3 years) outside the U.S., - Having resided at your current address for at least 3 months, - Being at least 18 years old, - Being of good moral character, - Being able to speak, read and write basic English, - Being able to pass a test showing basic knowledge of U.S. history and government, - Agreeing to support the Constitution of the United States, and - Taking an oath of allegiance to the United States. E-2 visa: Certain countries have trade treaties with the U.S., which allow for immigration for foreign nationals from these countries to seek a visa. A Treaty Trader can gain an E-2 visa when the individual is involved in substantial trade, such as trade in services or technology between the treaty country and the USA, or involved in the development and direction of substantial capital with regard to trade. The investment in the U.S. must be substantial. It must be of an amount that is of high enough value to ensure the success of the venture. The venture must be an operating enterprise, not a speculative or non-functioning investment. O-1 visa: The O-1 visa is designed for an alien who has extraordinary ability in the sciences, arts, education, business, or athletics, or who has a demonstrated record of extraordinary achievement in the motion picture or television industry and their essential support personnel. The alien must demonstrate extraordinary ability by sustained national or international acclaim and must be coming temporarily to the United States to continue work in the area of extraordinary ability. Extraordinary ability means a level of expertise indicating that the person is one of the small percentage who has risen to the very top of the field of endeavor. Regarding the sponsor, any U.S. employer, a U.S. agent, or a foreign employer through a U.S. agent can petition for you. However, the petitioner must at least be in the artist’s field of expertise. This also means, that a U.S. citizen, who is in the artist’s field may petition for them as long as there is a legitimate reason why the petitioner requires the artist to work in the United States. EB-1: EB-1 is an employment-based, first-preference visa open to those who exhibit extraordinary ability, is an outstanding professor or researcher, or is a multinational executive or manager. Each of these categories is defined as follows: - Extraordinary Ability: Individuals who qualify demonstrate extraordinary ability in the sciences, arts, education, business, or athletics, and are nationally or internationally recognized. Extensive documentation must be provided as proof of achievements. Offer of employment is not a requisite. - Outstanding Professor or Researcher: Individuals who qualify are recognized for outstanding achievements in their respective fields, in which they must have at least three years experience of teaching or research. In exchange for permanent residency, they must pursue a tenure or tenure track or comparable research position at an institution of higher education. - Multinational Manager or Executive: Individuals who qualify have been working outside of the United States in a managerial or executive position for at least one.

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sandysandeep8-blog1 · 4 years ago

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Samsung Microwave Oven Service Repair Center

Samsung Repair Center in Hyderabad

We have one of the best home appliances in Hyderabad. Like Microwave Oven of different types, air conditioner, Washing Machine, AC, Refrigerator, etc. we are here to unravel the issues that you simply face together with your household appliance products. And also we offer our service at an inexpensive price. Our technicians will visit your side once you contact our repair center. And our technicians are highly qualified and experienced. We also provide a reduction of 20% of service fee and a guarantee of 30 days for easy repair and a guarantee of 90 days for the spare parts.

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Samsung Repair Center in Secunderabad

There are many repair centers in the market to repair several types of home appliances. In that ours is the best one of the service centers which provides the best services by accepting the low amount of charges from the customers. To get our services to visit our website provided above. To make any sort of issue in your appliances with well-trained technicians simply make a call to our service center which was placed in different locations. And also we will only charge 350\- for the visit of our technician to your home. And 100% guarantee on our services.

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Samsung Service Center in Hyderabad

Samsung home appliance products are playing a crucial role in our day to day life. People are busy with their job and they don't have time to finish their household work. While using these type of products like Microwave Ovens of different brands, Washing machines, refrigerators, Ac’s, Air conditioners etc. It creates some errors so to rectify this error you are easily required to call our service center which was placed in Hyderabad. And our technicians are well trained and also well qualified people. They can solve the problem with the hours, and after the repair they will charge only 350/- Rs. But if any spare parts will be required to your home appliance product it may charge an extra amount.

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Samsung Service Center in Secunderabad

We are a top-rated Samsung service center in Secunderabad. We were serving clients with incredible repair and maintenance services for many years. We repair all types of Microwave ovens. We serve both residential as well as businesses repairing works. If any customer wants to register the complaint first they should need to register in our service center by making a call to our customer care executive or you need to give the details like your name, residential address, mobile number then our technicians will approach you within a short period of time. And also we charge for the service at a low cost of price. We give you assurance on the service.

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Samsung Solo Microwave Repair Service in Hyderabad

With the assistance of the solo microwave ovens, we cannot use it for grilling purposes and also for baking purposes. So, you may make the special food items with your microwave oven? Suddenly it may get blasted or did not cook the food properly, no worries our specialist will call you inside 1 hour when the protest has taken place. The service charges are additionally less expensive than other assistance communities. Our professionals will likewise supplant the first extra parts which are additionally given guarantee. They additionally clarify what is the issue upsetting in the machine and give the rules not to happen it once more.

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Samsung Solo Microwave Repair Service in Secunderabad

The solo Microwave ovens have limited roles in professional cooking. So do you have any problems with your microwave oven? Then contact us. We are a well-known service center in Secunderabad and also we are giving the best services to the clients. And also we provide the best technicians with good quality of work and service, with reasonable charges/prices. Our technicians are well trained and highly developed by the professions they supply you quality spare parts. We’ll provide you with the only service which you've never seen. And also we will Supply the 3 months of warranty to your microwave ovens which were placed in Secunderabad. https://samsungmicroovenrepairservice.com/samsung-solo-micro-oven-repair-service-in-secunderabad/

Samsung Grill Micro Oven Repair Service in Hyderabad

The Grill microwave oven is one most important kitchen home appliance. Most of the people depend on the Microwave oven. Because, it can reheat the food within minutes, so you can also manage your time. The grilling element allows you to enjoy crispy food in minutes. So if you have any repair like the microwave oven is not turning on; Microwave sparks/Arcs while Cooking, Oven food dried out. The oven starts then stops, the turntable does not spin, and Light bulb does not turn on, if the fan starts when the door opens, stops when it closes etc, then you have come to the right place. We have been offering top quality repair and replacement service for 10 years now. Our experiences in this field have led us to thousands of meet customers.

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Samsung Grill Micro Oven Repair Service in Secunderabad

The Grill Microwave may be a device which is a modern kitchen appliance which works on the principle of warm production via high-frequency electromagnetic waves. So, the Microwave oven may create some issues, so to solve any kind of issue just book the complaint. As everyone is searching for the best service regarding the Microwave, we thought to provide the best service to the clients. So we have trained our technicians as well as some professionals. They can solve each and every problem related to your Microwave ovens whether it is minor or major. We are provided all areas and all company models. And also our technicians will provide for 24 hours available and education persons.

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Samsung Convection Micro Oven Repair Service in Hyderabad

Are you trying to find Samsung convection microwave service? don't worry we are here to unravel your problem with our technicians and that we repair any sort of Microwave ovens and that we have good technicians they have Seven years' of experience. The foremost used electrical appliance in our lifestyle is Microwave ovens. Each day without this appliance is going to be like mad to us. During this appliance we've many problems just like the food doesn't heat properly or the door may struck, and therefore the display buttons might not work correctly, etc. We are the leading servicing center with well-trained technicians with an honest explanation of issues in your appliance. Our technicians will be available 24 hours and education and talented persons. Which they will solve the matter within the hour.

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Samsung Convection Micro Oven Repair Service in Secunderabad

We believe reaching this page gave you the only information about the only home appliances service center microwave in Secunderabad. We give telephone numbers and sites to move toward us. Our service center is here to solve the issue of your Microwave oven very easily. They are able to solve every issue of Ovens. Our expert service engineer is done with at most care and safety measures are taken in repairing the microwave oven, Quality spare parts are used in replacing the damaged parts of the microwave oven. So if you are interested in getting our services then just call our service center.

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Samsung Micro Oven Repair Service in Hyderabad

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mostlysignssomeportents · 5 years ago

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#3yrsago Weapons of Math Destruction: invisible, ubiquitous algorithms are ruining millions of lives

I've been writing about the work of Cathy "Mathbabe" O'Neil for years: she's a radical data-scientist with a Harvard PhD in mathematics, who coined the term "Weapons of Math Destruction" to describe the ways that sloppy statistical modeling is punishing millions of people every day, and in more and more cases, destroying lives. Today, O'Neil brings her argument to print, with a fantastic, plainspoken, call to arms called (what else?) Weapons of Math Destruction.

Discussions about big data's role in our society tends to focus on algorithms, but the algorithms for handling giant data sets are all well understood and work well. The real issue isn't algorithms, it's models. Models are what you get when you feed data to an algorithm and ask it to make predictions. As O'Neil puts it, "Models are opinions embedded in mathematics."

Other critical data scientists, like Patrick Ball from the Human Rights Data Analysis Group have located their critique in the same place. As Patrick once explained to me, you can train an algorithm to predict someone's height from their weight, but if your whole training set comes from a grade three class, and anyone who's self-conscious about their weight is allowed to skip the exercise, your model will predict that most people are about four feet tall. The problem isn't the algorithm, it's the training data and the lack of correction when the model produces erroneous conclusions.

Like Ball, O'Neil is enthusiastic about the power of data-driven modelling to be a force for good in the world, and like Ball, she despairs at the way that sloppy statistical work can produce gigantic profits for a few companies at the expense of millions of people -- all with the veneer of mathematical objectivity.

O'Neil calls these harmful models "Weapons of Math Destruction," and not all fault models qualify. For a model to be a WMD, it must be opaque to its subjects, harmful to their interests, and grow exponentially to run at huge scale.

These WMDs are now everywhere. The sleazy for-profit educational system has figured out how to use models to identify desperate people and sucker them into signing up for expensive, useless "educations" that are paid for with punitive student loans, backed by the federal government. That's how the University of Phoenix can be so profitable, even after spending upwards of $1B/year on marketing. They've built a WMD that brings students in at a steady clip despite the fact that they spend $2,225/student in marketing and only $892/student on instruction. Meanwhile, the high-efficacy, low-cost community colleges are all but invisible in the glare and roar of the University of Phoenix's marketing blitzkreig.

One highly visible characteristic of WMDs is their lack of feedback and tuning. In sports, teams use detailed statistical models to predict which athletes they should bid on, and to deploy those athletes when squaring off against opposing teams. But after the predicted event has occurred, the teams update their models to account for their failings. If you pass on a basketball player who goes to glory for a rival team, you update your model to help you do better in the next draft.

Compare this with the WMDs used against us in everyday life. The largest employers in America use commercial services to run their incoming resumes against a model of a "successful" worker. These models hold your employment future in their hands. If one rejects you and you go on to do brilliant work somewhere else, that fact is never used to refine the model. Everyone loses: job-seekers are arbitrarily excluded from employment, and employers miss out on great hires. Only the WMD merchants in the middle make out like bandits.

It's worth asking how we got here. Many forms of WMD were deployed as an answer to institutional bias -- in criminal sentencing, in school grading, in university admissions, in hiring and lending. The models are supposed to be race- and gender-blind, blind to privilege and connections.

But all too often, the models are trained with the biased data. The picture of a future successful Ivy League student or loan repayer is painted using data-points from the admittedly biased history of the institutions. All the Harvard grads or dutiful mortgage payers are fed to the algorithm, which dutifully predicts that tomorrow's Harvard alums and prime loan recipients will look just like yesterday's -- but now the bias gets the credibility of seeming objectivity.

This training problem is well known in stats, but largely ignored by WMD dealers. Companies that run their own Big Data initiatives, by contrast, are much more careful about refining their models. Amazon carefully tracks those customers who abandon their shopping carts, or who stop shopping after a couple of purchases. Their interested in knowing everything they can about "recidivism" among shoppers, and they combine statistical modelling with anthropology -- seeking out and talking to their subjects -- to improve their system.

The contrast with automated sentencing software -- now widely used in the US judicial system, and spreading rapidly around the world -- could not be more stark. Like Amazon's data scientists, the companies that sell sentencing apps are trying to predict recidivism, and their predictions can send one person to prison for decades and let another go free.

These brokers are training their model on the corrupted data of the past. They look at the racialized sentencing outcomes of the past -- the outcomes that sent young black men to prison for years for minor crack possession, while letting rich white men walk away from cocaine possession charges -- and conclude that people from poor neighborhoods, whose family members and friends have had run-ins with the law, and "predict" that this person will reoffend, and recommend long sentences to keep them away from society.

Unlike Amazon, these companies aren't looking to see whether longer sentences cause recidivism (by causing emotional damage and social isolation) and how prison beatings, solitary confinement and prison rape are related to the phenomenon. If the prison system was run like Amazon -- that is, with a commitment to reducing reoffending, rather than enriching justice-system contractors and satisfying revenge-hungry bigots in the electorate -- it would probably look like a Nordic prison: humane, sparsely populated, and oriented toward rehabilitation, addiction treatment, job training, and psychological counselling.

WMDs have transformed education for teachers and students. In the 1980s, the Reagan administration seized on a report called A Nation at Risk, which claimed that the US was on the verge of collapse due to its falling SAT scores. This was the starter-pistol for an all-out assault on teachers and public education, which continues to this day.

The most visible expression of this is the "value added" assessment of teachers, which uses a battery of standardized tests to assess teachers' performance from year to year. The statistical basis for these assessments is laughable (statistics work on big numbers, not classes of 25 kids -- assessments can swing 90% from one year to the next, making them no better than random number generators). Teachers -- good teachers, committed teachers -- lose their jobs over these tests.

Students, meanwhile, are taken away from real learning in order to take more and more tests, and those tests -- which are supposed to measure "aptitude" and thus shouldn't be amenable to expensive preparatory services -- determine their whole futures.

The Nation at Risk report that started it all turned out to be bullshit, by the way -- grounded in another laughable statistical error. Sandia Labs later audited the findings from the report and found that the researchers had failed to account for the ballooning number of students who were taking the SATs, bringing down the average score.

In other words: SATs were falling because more American kids were confident enough to try to go to college: the educational system was working so well that young people who would never have taken an SAT were taking it, and the larger pool of test-takers was bringing the average score down.

WMDs turn the whole of human life into a game of Search Engine Optimization. With SEO, merchants hire companies who claim to have reverse-engineered Google's opaque model and whose advice will move your URL further up in its ranking.

When you pay someone thousands of dollars to prep your kid for the SATs, or to improve your ranking with the "e-score" providers that determine your creditworthiness, jobworthiness, or mortgageworthiness, you're recreating SEO, but for everything. It's a grim picture of the future: WMD makers and SEO experts locked in an endless arms-race to tweak their models to game one another, and all the rest of us being subjected to automated caprice or paying ransom to escape it (for now). In that future, we're all the product, not the customer (much less the citizen).

O'Neil's work is so important because she believes in data science. Algorithms can and will be used to locate people in difficulty: teachers with hard challenges, people in financial distress, people who are struggling in their jobs, students who need educational attention. It's up to us whether we use that information to exclude and further victimize those people, or help them with additional resources

Credit bureaux, e-scorers, and other entities that model us create externalities in the form of false positives -- from no-fly lists to credit-score errors to job score errors that cost us our careers. These errors cost them nothing to make, and something to fix -- and they're incredibly expensive to us. Like all negative externalities, the cost of cleaning them up (rehabilitating your job, finding a new home, serving a longer prison sentence, etc) is much higher than the savings to the firms, but we bear the costs and they reap the savings.

It's E Pluribus Unum reversed: models make many out of one, pigeonholing each of us as members of groups about whom generalizations -- often punitive ones (such as variable pricing) can be made.

Modelling won't go away: as a tool for guiding caring and helpful remedial systems, models are amazing. As a tool for punishing and disenfranchising, they are a nightmare. The choice is ours to make. O'Neil's book is a vital crash-course in the specialized kind of statistical knowledge we all need to interrogate the systems around us and demand better.

Weapons of Math Destruction [Cathy O'Neil/Crown]

https://boingboing.net/2016/09/06/weapons-of-math-destruction-i.html

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retail-hell · 6 years ago

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Y'all can't ever say I'm not the pinacle of customer service again!!!

So this morning, I had a customer stop me right after I finished backing up the registers. She was holding a bunch of fabric quarters (normally $2.99 a piece), and her phone and seemed three seconds away from throwing a tantrum, because she was looking on Groupon (which never works with our coupons because our coupons are not available online anymore) for a 70% off your total purchase of fabric quarters that, "Some girl over in fabric told me about this coupon, but I don't know how to get to it."

Now, I had just had a woman come through the line and use that coupon. It didn't work. But, I knew that the coupon had at least existed, because I had JUST seen it. I calmly directed her through downloading our app, and signing-up with her email so she could access our best coupons, because surely it's there, right? Wrong.

So uhhh...I'm standing there staring at the coupons on her phone like, "Okay...Where is this disappearing coupon??" Because the woman from before that had it is a regular of ours that I recognize as a weekly shopper, and she's never tried to pull one over on me by giving me bad/expired coupons. So what gives?

I polietly excuse myself and walk an aisle over to grab a coworker and see if she knew anything about it. She didn't. So I turned to the customer and told her, I would ask the head of fabric, because surely she would know. She did. It had been a coupon yesterday, but, she suspects that due to system errors (with the fabric squares already being half off already, thus a coupon wouldn't work), and the coupon not working, that the coupon was pulled from the app.

Okay. Alright. Shit. That's not what I wanted to hear. Before I could figure out an approach, my customer found me again, and was standing next to me. I can see the head of fabric side-eyeing me like, "How are you gonna break it to her that she's not gonna get what she wants?"

I quietly suggest to the customer that we go to the fabric quarters. As we walk, I lean towards her and say, "Okay, so here's what we're gonna do...I'm gonna walk you over to the fabric quarters, and you'll pick out everything you want. Then I'll walk with you to the registers and personally ring you out, and price adjust them to be 70% off, because it's not your fault you were told about a coupon that existed yesterday. I don't think it's fair to you, so I'll adjust the prices for you."

"Oh, really? Thank you so much! This is actually everything I need!" She said.

Alright. So I took her to the registers, walked her right up to one, and started scanning her items. I polietly asked if I could borrow her phone, and pulled up my favorite online calculator, and price adjusted them all to be 90 cents. At the registers I reiterated the fact that I didn't think it was fair that the coupon didn't exist anymore, because that was the one reason she had come in, and that I wanted to make absolutely sure she got the deal.

She thanked me, and walked out.

And you know what? I ain't even mad that she wasn't like super excited about it, or seemed to understand I was technically breaking the rules just for her. I still probably made her day. And that's enough.

#retail #retail hell #working retail #retail stories #retail worker

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fuck-customers · 6 years ago

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So fucking sick of mamadollars error correct policy. If we scan an item we only have 10 seconds to correct it and we can only error correct the last item scanned. If those conditions aren't met a manager is needed to error correct it. Mistakes do happen but 90 percent of the time they're caused by customers not wanting an item anymore. Worst of all head office is demanding error corrects past 3 a shift be written up. It's making me livid cause it's not our fucking fault 95 percent of the time!!!

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web-ai · 3 years ago

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Top 17 Reasons for Startup Failure According to CB Insights version

About 90 percent of startups don’t succeed. The reasons for failure can be very different. It usually depends on the specific project or market situation. CB Insights has studied 101 failed startups, and, in the end, the specialists came to the conclusion that projects rarely fail because of one reason. Usually, the whole fault lies with the complexity of individual problems.

Web-Ai Studio was able to identify 20 of the most frequent reasons for the project’s failure. Let's see!

1. Lack of demand

The main reason is that nobody studies market demand. The project deals with problems that interest them. According to the CB Insights study, this is the reason for the failures of startups №1.

2. Run out of money

Money and start-up time are limited. Therefore, it is important to allocate them wisely and correctly. In its study, CB Insights cites the example of Flud, which failed to attract additional investment.

3. Bad team

It is believed that the ideal startup team should have people with different skills. After the project’s demise, many of its founders complain of errors in the selection of the right specialists, starting with the technical director.

Standout said their main mistake was that the team was unable to create MVP. They say that if the founders can’t create a minimally viable product themselves, they shouldn’t launch a startup.

4. Competition

There is a belief that startups should not pay attention to the competition. But this approach does not always seem to work. When an idea becomes hot and receives positive feedback from the market, a huge number of projects can work in this direction. Of course, you don’t have to pay too much attention to your competitors, but you can’t ignore them.

5. Pricing/costs

Pricing is one aspect that startups find difficult to understand. On the one hand, the cost of the good or service has to cover the costs and on the other hand, it has to remain available to the customers. Little manages to achieve equilibrium in this aspect.

6. «Unfriendly» to user product

Many startups face problems because they have not listened to users' needs and desires. It doesn’t matter if it’s done on purpose or by accident. For example, startups can make a product excessively complex and incomprehensible to their target audience.

7. Lack of business model

The founders of failed startups agree that the business model is extremely important. If a company has only one channel or has not found a way to make money from a product, investors are unlikely to invest in it. The only source of income may be that which destroys the startup. That is what happened to Tutorspree. The company had one channel that suddenly and radically changed.

8. Weak marketing

Another factor that is often underestimated by technological projects. For a startup, it is very important to know and understand its audience, to be able to interest it and turn it into clients. Many founders - especially if they like to write code and create a product - spend little time promoting it. It’s a huge mistake. If no one knows about the product, it doesn’t matter how revolutionary it is.

9. Client ignoring

Another simple way to fail a startup is not to listen to users' feedback. Many projects do not or simply ignore it. It doesn’t matter if the creators think their product is the best - the audience must have the same opinion. The company will have to take into account the client’s opinion and adapt to their needs.

10. The late placing of a product on the market

There are two extremes - the product can be released too soon or too late. In the first case, the solution may not be ready yet. But the team, wanting to get ahead of the competition, takes it to the market. As a result, users are unhappy with mistakes or flaws. Returning disappointed clients is very difficult.

Some companies are trying to bring the product to perfection. As a result, they can lose time and gain a stake in the market.

11. Losing focus

Often the founders switch to third-party projects, personal problems, and other things. In this case, no revolutionary idea, no funding, no great team or audience interest will help. For a startup to succeed, the founders must focus exclusively on it.

12. Disagreement within the team or with investors

They can be very different, from role allocation to a vision of a company or a product.

The same applies to disagreements with investors. The latter operate differently. Some do not interfere with the development of a startup, while others control each step and try to force a certain decision.

13. Lack of passion

A good idea does not guarantee success if the founders have no interest or knowledge of the industry in which they intend to work.

14. Location

This aspect is important for several reasons. First of all, the team should agree on the concept of the product with the country where it will work. The problem of location also concerns remote employees. For the team to work successfully remotely, it is necessary to find an effective method of communication.

15. Legal problems

Sometimes a startup that started with a simple idea suddenly falls into the world of legal problems. Napster, for example, is a peer-to-peer service. With his help, people exchanged music, which the rights holders did not like. As a result, legal proceedings began and the service had to be closed.

16. Communication isn`t used

It is hard to imagine that the failure of some projects was due to a lack of communication. It turned out that enough entrepreneurs did not even approach investors who had the right connections to develop the project.

17. Burnout

It is difficult for the founder to maintain a balance in work and personal life. The former often outweighs the chances of «burning out» quite high.

#startup #fail #cbinsights #IT #company #studio #webdesign #cryptocurrency #blockchain #Money #Team #tumblr #cryptocurrencies #webdevelopment

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