#8yearslater

[lovethesequelbaybee]

the past and pending.

when i was about to leave Iowa City for an internship with a film production company in Los Angeles in late 2014, preceded by the most decimating breakup i've ever experienced and my college gradation, i found myself fixated on walks.

you see, one of the cruelest parts about this heartbreak was its geography. my apartment was in the 800 block of Jefferson St., just East of campus (campus being 0 in this equation) and my ex lived in a giant, decaying house on the 600 block of Jefferson St.

so for the last two months-ish that i had in this small city that had been my home for 3 and a half years, i had to edit my route to either go a block North or South so as to avoid the source of my heart's plunging, merciless aching.

the cold seemed to reach every cell in my skinny bones that winter, and with the incoming graduation and move my head seemed to become more electrified with the need to LEAVE and thrive, although i wasn't convinced the latter was even possible given how severely my world had been torn apart.

even when i did avoid her street, i'd either see it from neighboring Market St. if i had decided to veer North or picture it in my mind if I was South. knowing it was there was draining to my soul but exhilarating to my potential new soul i could spur a bloom from once i just made it out to California and to my inevitable dreams in comedy and film and tv. which would obviously be easy. *cue record scratches on a loop*

the music that was heavy for me during this time was but is not limited to: Beck's Morning Phase, the entirety of Pavement's discography—especially "Spit On A Stranger", "Frontwards", and "Here"— Ben Kweller, that damn song from Linklater's Boyhood, Cataldo's Guilded Oldies, the 88, and perhaps most importantly and painfully, Waxahatchee's American Weekend (supposedly recorded all over a weekend acid trip), which felt like it had purposely been written with me and my sentimentalities in mind.

So i stretched my legs in speedy bursts, many of these moments wasted or hungover, and tried to make the time past as swiftly as possible. news of my internship had spread through my friend group and university PR dayjob (spread by me), and it seemed everywhere i went people were asking me for more details on what i would be doing. i could see the nervousness in some people and the overconfidence others had in me for how a life in Los Angeles would go for me. many times i felt i expertly could discern whether someone looked at me always having known i would get the fuck out of iowa someday and those who thought i'd wimp out 2 weeks in and request to move home.

at a morning office birthday party (or maybe it was a going away party for me?i honestly can't remember) a bunch of staunchy PR ass university corporate fuck types whose names i can't even now recall congratulated me on my next big step in life, and i found myself more tolerant of them than i expected to be, even paling around and faking an interest in the latest university basketball game. when the small party ended and i walked back to my desk, i was reminded of why it had seemed to fun for a moment there, why i believed them so much for a second. the reason was because i was still quite drunk from the night before. i hadn't showed and i looked like shit. but that was going in and out of my awareness and care. i mostly just tried to focus on the humor of having had trouble staying on the sidewalk on my walk to work that day. i was almost to drunk to walk. the hangover that bled in wiped the smile off my face pretty damn fast, however.

but positive or negative, buzzed or plastered, i pressed on and these moments and days that only really encompassed November 1 to December 20th or so couldn't help but secure themselves as assuredly monumental. even as a (extremely recent) Psychology minor, i knew enough about the acuteness of my depression at that time and pop culture-influenced magnitude set behind the changes of graduating, leaving my home state, and losing a lover i could tell these times would not be easily Spotless Mine'd.

if i ever write a memoir, even if it's 25 years from now, i feel i would have plenty of still visceral pain to draw from and recall. but in case i don't, here are a few of them to keep in mind:

my shitty orange coffee maker

the sea of flannel shirts and sweaters i mostly had to throw away having bought them with my ex or been gifted them by her

sidewalks, sidewalks, sidewalks

the creepy Seashore Hall building where my filming equipment was stored

the late nights i would get drunk with Cara or Kylie or Emily or Alex or whoever was drinking

the endless anonymous tumblr's where i published my heartbroken thoughts

the smell of the gluten free bread from the cult-y co-op grocery store

speaking about my ex in the present "together" sense to the stem cell researcher during an interview for one of the University of Iowa CORP's many squeaky-clean bullshit PR schemes

that last night of drinks with S***** in that wooden bar that only took cash

that last kiss or hug i can't recall which

so many tears in the cold, cold, Iowa wind

the corkboard Nikes and green denim skinny jeans i wore during this time

the way i hated me hair and didn't want it cut or long

the way i despised having been broken up with by someone who i knew never found me attractive at all and continuing to try to impress them when much healthier people were actually interested in me

Okay, wow, so there is some fodder for the future. Delicious details, highly ranging in cliche level. why does melodrama feel so good. still so apt for this period of time.

I don't know if I could ever go back to Iowa City and not go back in time.

the last time i remember being there was for the Floodwater Comedy Festival in either 2018 or 2019. even though some restaurants had changed and buildings had spurted higher and kids looked really young and the t-shirt shop in town (yeah, it's the one you're thinking of) was no longer hip and was in fact, passé, i couldn't really accept any of these updated details as a reality. i kept seeing the places i'd first been drunk, or high, or twisted (drunk and high). The first house party, the first time i got lost, the first time i was threatened, the first time i interviewed a university official, the first time i'd been broken up with in an academic building, the last time i saw her, the last house show i went to, the last time i ate her p****, the first guy i kissed, the second and third guy i kissed, the first time i felt overwhelmed, the first time i felt silly for feeling overwhelemed, the last time i felt like a kid, the last time i felt like a fool, the last time class ended for the rest of forever.

leaving Iowa City in December 2014 i felt like i'd aged a decade even though it had only been August 2011 when i'd arrived. i was heading out to a big place i had trouble understanding (and still do), but now, at 30, in my North Holllywood apartment, with a handful of scripts and a few albums of songs, many standup gigs and improv gigs and sketch gigs and entertainment gigs under my belt, i can finally fucking say i know myself better than i used to.

sometimes i miss not knowing, but i know the search isn't done and neither is the hurt or the cum or the laughs or the sunsets.

gag me.

-eric

[omidokiomi]

WHAT I LEARNED FROM HAIKYUU

Hinata: You taught me that hard work really pays off. The raw talent was always there, but you faced so many hardships and had trouble showing what you're capable of. You weren’t what people called a geniuses, and you weren’t considered the best, but that never stopped you from reaching your goal and look at where you are now. Greatest decoy, you taught me to never give up, even when the odds are against you. There were many moments in my life and talks with people close to me I had that had me doubting myself. That made me feel like I wouldn’t get anywhere in life. I learned that with enough work and determination, you WILL make it.

Kageyama: You taught me that it takes time to become the person you were meant to be. You were alone and ignored by your teammates because of the attitude you had. You might have continued volleyball but you felt discouraged. Maybe you didn’t realize it when it was happening, but you were starting to grow and mature and I saw that whenever you had new games, practices. You kept doing what you loved and you found your people. People who cared for you and had your back, and you become the person everyone knew you were on the inside. I was like you at some point too and I had lost a lot of friends, but seeing you grow into the wonderful person you are today gave me hope.

Oikawa: I make so many jokes about hating you, but you taught me one of the most valuable things to me. You taught me to always do my best and more into everything I do. You gave it your all but never made it to nationals once…… but look at where you ended up. Look at where you are now. Look at where YOUR hard work got you. You did it, after all these years you did it. I had a period of time where I was depressed and I let my studies suffer because of it. When i found myself having to make up all that work, all those classes just so i could graduate, my mind came back to you. I pushed myself so hard and I did it. I graduated. I honestly didn’t think I would but I did. For the rest of my life i’m going to give it my all in everything I do, and never give up even if i don’t get my end result now. Because I know in the long run it will be worth it.

Akaashi: Maybe this one is a bit silly but you taught me how to be a better friend in a way. I was in a toxic relationship and it was making me a terrible person. The people closest to me never stopped supporting me, but I wasn’t treating them like I knew I should have. You knew Bokutos’ weaknesses so well and knew just what to do to cheer him up. I learned how to actually pay attention to my friends and their feelings better than I was doing before.

Sugawara: Overall, you taught me to just have a positive outlook in life. You were always so selfless and even when you weren’t picked to be starting setter, you continued to be a team player through and through. You supported your teammates no matter what, and you still worked hard despite not being regular. Even if i don’t get my way sometimes in life, that isn’t any excuse to have a bitter view towards the world and others.

Kuroo: This one is also a bit short but you taught me to follow my heart and do something I love. You loved volleyball and just wanted to share that love with the world. You just wanted everyone to see how fun it is. I didn’t know what I wanted to do in life and was unsure of where I would go. Thanks to you, I found something I enjoyed and I'm going to stick to it. I’m going to make it into a career for myself.

Osamu: You were such an incredible volleyball player, but you didn’t go pro. Instead you went into the food business. I was good at things that had the potential to allow me to go into other careers, but it wasn’t what I wanted to do. However, you were the example in my life that showed me that just because you’re good at something, doesn’t mean you need to make a life out of it. Just like kuroo, you taught me to just do what I love. You taught me that before anything else, make sure you live happily.

Asahi: You taught me that sometimes it’s okay to have your moments where you’re insecure, and you’ve felt like you’ve hit rock bottom. For sometime you didn’t return to volleyball, but when you did, you went on and did amazing things with your team. You became the ace you always were. You taught me that even if I have moments where I give up, even if I have my moments where I let my insecurities win, I can always bounce back and get through it.

Tsukki: Now you… YOU had a let character development. Deep down you loved volleyball but locked away those feelings because of what happened when you were younger. Look at you now tho Mr. Pro volleyball player. You taught me that even if i face hardship at some point in my life, that i can still find happiness in the future. It’s okay to let myself be happy. After my toxic relationship I never thought I'd date again. When I found myself in a good relationship again I didn't want to admit it, and became distant. I didn’t let myself be happy because of my past. However here I am in one of the best relationships I've ever been in. You taught me that at some point, it’s okay to stop denying my own happiness.

These are lessons that I learned from these characters that I hold dearest to my heart, but EVERY single character brings something to the anime and to the lives of other people. Thank you Haikyuu and thank you Furudate for giving me one the greatest sources to my happiness. Thank you for being the reason I have @yumeqo , who is one my closets friends today. I would have never became so close to her if we never had bonded over Haikyuu the way we did. This might be the end but Haikyuu for will always have a special place in my heart.

(Shoutout to @kei-kui for giving me the idea to make this, as you made you own thank you post as well❤️)

So with that being said, i’m going to take what i’ve learned and fly higher.... 💕

[chopcult]

👆👍👉 @chopper_bob - ”Solid MLK day. Starting to look like a motorcycle again. Actually feeling like I’ll finally ride this bike someday.” 🥰 #chopper #chopcult #shovelhead #twowheeltrash #harleydavidson #pinktaco #8yearslater https://www.instagram.com/p/B7kLVQKludy/?igshid=xcgrj2hkip8r

[secretcapedcrusader]

#tb to our first xmas together! He took me to his family reunion... Talk about being introduced to the family... Happy 8 year anniversary Steven! #anniversary #me #boyfriend #8yearslater https://www.instagram.com/p/B_gKNnalWdw/?igshid=mnyej0hbaio

[saintlycvd]

Been waiting to catch up with Mr. @madschristensen.art for a while now. Always just missing each other. Thanks @timothyyargerfineart for making sure he was here in #Chicago for @expochicago. #8yearslater (at EXPO CHICAGO) https://www.instagram.com/p/B2p9RBnh3TK/?igshid=emz1qv342gc7

[paraphraze615]

Today is my 8th lociversary! Where did the time go?! Much love to everybody whose done my hair over the years @theprosperousbeauty, @nattymystic_haircare, @mzladylox, @latoyatheceo just to name a few. Y'all contributed to the growth and nourishment of my crown! #Lociversary #8YearsLater #Dreads #Locs #Dreadlocs #Dreadlocks #Dreadhead #Dreadheads #DreadheadsDoItBetter #DreadheadsBeLike #LocLivin #LocNation #LocKing #LocKings #NaturalHair #NaturalHairCommunity #BlackHair #DontTouchMyHair #BabyImJustTrynaLetMyHairDown #LongHairDontCare https://www.instagram.com/p/B58FamAAndE/?igshid=takstmufjlho

[nicolekidmanwigfactory]

12/16/2010 : got me a cancer diagnosis 12/16/2018 : got me a Master’s #uwmgrad #linguistics #8yearslater #gradschoollife (at University of Wisconsin Milwaukee) https://www.instagram.com/p/BreK5PFHgGF/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=acq41oc8ndfu

[pageantgirly162]

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“Who’s the Queen?” Under high demand, Here is my crowning moment! Can’t believe it’s been a week already! @nationalamericanmiss @nambreanne @namryane @ggrell_23 #NationalAmericanMiss #MissMinnesota #pageants #Crowning #crowns #nammn #8YearsLater #reactions #confidence #positivevibes

[soniaivette]

#LOML 💚 ♍️ & ♒️ #sorrynotsorry I’m #extraemotionaltoday #MyOneAndOnly #8YearsLater #godstimingisalwaysperfect #HashtashImInLove #MyGüeritoChulo #MyFutureHusbandAndFatherOfMyChildren 😍🤣🥰🤷🏻‍♀️ #PorSiTenianPendiente #SoulMate I know I post a lot but...I can’t contain how happy I am to have this man in my life again 🥺🤩 Ok tenkiu bai 🤪😅 (at Chula Vista, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CDvy9_OnFu0/?igshid=17aaavael81e8

[meineumlaufbahn]

Nailed it.

[dr-sweetnlowe]

The original plan was to post this on my last day in the University of Illinois Veterinary Teaching Hospital. Plans have changed, and ClassZilla had their last day in the clinic without knowing it at the end of the first week of our three week last block. So I figured I would still post this on my would-be last day of Z block....and then I had no concept of time and forgot so I’m posting it today - the would be first day of my last 6 weeks of being a student forever. I’ll still be doing various things to learn (required to graduate) for this period of time, just at home. Although our graduation ceremony to celebrate this damn long journey to become doctors has been cancelled/postponed, regardless we will still be graduating as DVMs. Even though I won’t get the chance to be hooded by a very special intern, I’d like to give her a shoutout for always making me feel loved, special, and like I’m doing a good job. Every “can I just take you with me to every rotation?” And “you’re the BEST” meant so much to me (@chelseyyyy26 dat you, at least I’ll always have the memory of asking you during one of our many ER shifts together ❤️) Although on the bright side, I won’t be tortured with pomp and circumstance again and I won’t be sweating an enormous amount in these very heavy and thiccccc gown. The past four years have been kind of a wild ride for us so it’s not a big surprise that our last few weeks get tossed around and changed last minute. A huge thank you to the doctors and technicians who I’ve been lucky to work with both inside and outside of the VTH. I appreciate all of the support and the sass over the past year(s) while I was working alongside all of you! Every little word of encouragement, even if it was just complimenting my paperwork or letting me do things on my own, it all helped make the difficulty of fourth year easier. I wish I could be in there helping you all now! “Every day when I came in to work all I wanted to do was leave. So why in the world does it feel so hard to leave right now?” - Darryl Philbin (The Office, S9 E25) . . . . . . . . . . #dogtoremilytobe #vetmed #vetstudent #uiucvetmed #dvm #dogtor #8yearslater #coronaviruscantstopus #Classzilla https://www.instagram.com/p/B-XEnW2FlxI/?igshid=yogrov32w1oc

[strangeblondepixie]

we cute, don’t our picture and also i’m still taller than you @jazzkmann #8yearslater #number8 https://www.instagram.com/p/B9U-I_dBYiG/?igshid=gmr41ouxb084

[mxdwn]

Rufus Wainwright Announces First New Pop Album in Eight Years Unfollow The Rules for April 2020 Release

https://music.mxdwn.com/2020/02/27/news/rufus-wainwright-announces-first-new-pop-album-in-eight-years-unfollow-the-rules-for-april-2020-release/

[nacioncassiopeia-blog]

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#Repost @truexmeraki ・・・ AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!❤️💙❤️💙❤️💙 I DIDN’T KNOW!!!! BUT HE TOLD US HOURS LATER. . . #ICanDieAHappyPersonNow #DreamComeTrue #Jaejoong #KimJaejoong #FanMeeting #BestDayOfMyLife #HeListenedToWhatIToldHimToDo #LMAO #HeJustKeptJumping #JYJ #8YearsLater #ThankYou @jj_1986_jj

[nancy-cue]

It's been how long since I've been back here?! My sisters are finally done with high school! 🎓 June 6, 2019 (Keep scrolling for the best picture of the night) #thatgraduationwasunnecessarilylong (we don't need multiple long speeches and shout outs) #anditwasfreezingcold #congrats #8yearslater #somethingsneverchange #latepost (at Mountain View High School in El Monte, CA) https://www.instagram.com/p/Byf8gAXBzyK/?igshid=11dycuxp7fpbw

[sparklebieberrloveee]

Happy 19th to my best friend since middle school @_kayjayx3 💖 you've been there for me since day 1 and I could never thank you enough for that. Watching you go through things most people never even go through at all in life at such a young age keeps me going, you are sooo strong!! You're beautiful, smart, and outgoing; never let those qualities go to waste! I love you more than you'll ever know Ky! 🎂🎉🎈#happy19th #happy19thbday #happy19birthday #bestfriend #family #8yearsstrong #8yearslater #nugget #love (at West Warwick, Rhode Island)