#7 years and 50 days

[dead-chronos]

Such a lonely girl Such a lonely world When I close my eyes I dream

[solradguy]

do you find it uncomfortable when younger fandom members look up to you? or is it kind of an endearing thing

It's a little endearing but also I don't think I'm a very good influence on young people sometimes LMAO Like, oh shit should I put a weed/alcohol FAQ + surgeon general's warning on my blog or something?? hahah

I'm not going to, like, sanitize my personal adult spaces (this blog, Twitter) because younger people follow me—I'm not their parent, they aren't my responsibility—but sometimes I worry some young person will get offered weed/alcohol in a bad crowd and think about how much fun I seem to have with it and end up having a bad experience. There have been a few (rare) times where I've written a post and deleted it because of both how big this blog has gotten and because I know there are younger people that follow me lol

Just like... If you're gonna try drugs or alcohol for the first time, always make sure it's with someone you can trust on about the same level of feeling safe having a (platonic) sleepover at their house and remember that both weed and alcohol can take a bit to kick in so GO SLOW LMAO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD START SMALL LOLL & stay hydrated

Cigarettes fuckin suck, also. They taste bad, the high's shit, they're expensive, and it's a royal pain in the ass to break the addiction. Sol Radguy Blazing Gamer Tip: Don't even bother with cigarettes, you aren't missing anything

[roaringroa]

they should make a life where you don't have appointments, work, school and scheduled events every single day for months on end

[rubber-glovs]

Oooohhh the urge to yap about my ocs and the world they live in......

[kurthorton-moving]

i miss. the vibes of the rpc a few years back

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I don't have a lot of energy these days [because of The Horrors] so I'm looking at my day and my priorities and trying to plan how I'm going to spend what energy I have, because I do need to be able to rest and relax but there are also things that need doing and that is a careful balance for me.

I managed to [mostly] clean the kitchen last night so I've kicked it out of the priority list until next weekend. Unfortunately the living room, bathroom, bedroom, and my office all need cleaning too. I think of the priorities, my office and the bedroom are the most important to me, so I'll probably push the living room and bathroom until at least Friday.

There's also the laundry. I don't have any clean clothes and as we're moving into winter I need to be more rigid about getting that done because days where the clothes can be dried on the line will be more limited. So I definitely need to wash an outfit or two and hang them up in the next hour.

That's already a really busy day, so I'll probably cut it there. But it's definitely going to still leave me a lot of work this week. Half my cleaning, at least one more round of laundry, settling dog food for the next couple of weeks, planting the fall/winter greens, doing some set up work on my computer, work on some writing projects, cleaning out the fridge, and patching some worn clothes. My work week isn't insane atm, but it is definitely limiting. Right now I have 6+4+0+4+2+5+5= 25 non work/non-survival needs (sleep, food, shower, etc) hours available each week. I need to figure out a regukar distribution of these that means everything is getting done and I still have an hour a day to myself as often as possible. I think it's probably not realistic to give myself more than an hour a day for free time/fun, which is a bit unfortunate because I've found in the past that my floor tends to be getting 2-3hrs of free time most days because of how I deal with transition and decision-making.

25-7 [1hr per day] is 18 hrs, so I just need to decide where and how to distribute those in order to keep pace with things.

Lets say the garden needs 3hrs per week, the laundry needs 4 hours (specifically 2 sets of 2 morning/early afternoon hours), the cleaning needs an hour a day to get through a maintenance clean of the house, and 3 hours once a week to work down any deep cleaning that's built up. Which is....already three more hours than I actually have each week. So I guess I'll make a plan to work in the garden for 20-40min of 4 of my free hours each week.

It really doesn't leave me any wiggle room. Only about 4 hours a week that isn't explicitly allotted to something that needs doing, which means there will probably me a lot of weeks where I only get an hour or so at best across the whole thing for free time. I guess I've had a hard time accepting that at this point, having actual time for myself or a time-intensive project is only available if I've taken a day off work. I love my job, but it's ... not comfortable to realize that it's the only love in my life I actually have time for anymore.

I think that's probably why I end up here so much. It's this mindless little way of zoning out into my own head, dissociating away from the exhaustion, for a few minutes at a time. I keep thinking I want to use this space differently, make it more if the things I enjoy. But I think what I really want is just to actually have the time and energy to do things I love that take work. I keep crying a few times every day and I couldn't figure out why, but like

I dunno

Why **wouldn't** I cry a little every day? It's the closest I'm getting to actual emotional release or relaxation in my life. We'd probably all cry. Heck. A lot of us probably DO, capitalism being what it is.

I guess I'm starting to wonder why I'm doing what I'm doing. What is there left for me to sacrifice to this life? What is actually serving me about not just letting myself go up like a fireball and take my surroundings with me? What in the ever loving fuck am I fighting this hard for?

All I ever want, all I want now, is to be able to live. To really, actually live. How does wanting to live bring you this close to killing yourself, whether on accident or on purpose? What am I actually doing that is LIVING and what am I doing that is FACILITATION of living? It can't all be facilitation, or I'm not actually facilitating fuck all.

I'm 30 goddamn years old and I need to figure out what it looks like to actually love my life. I fundamentally refuse to zombify myself like this for everyone else around me forever.

[ofkithandmckinney]

UPCOMING MILESTONE BIRTHDAY

Expectation:

Reality:

[thewanderingzeppelin]

Unexpected day off!!!

[hooked-on-elvis]

The August, '56 Florida tour was wild! ❤️‍🔥✨

Elvis photographed by Bob Moreland at the Fort Homer W. Hesterly Armory in Tampa, FL, on Sunday, August 5, 1956.

Elvis photographed by Bruce (or Harry as the newspaper reads?) Roberts during a performance at the Armory in Tampa, FL, August 5, 1956 (One of my favorite pictures of EP ever!).

Tampa Tribune, August 12, 1956 - Jacksonville, Florida, 1956

Elvis heading onstage at the Fort Homer W. Hesterly Armory, Tampa, FL - Aug. 5, 1956 Photo by Bob Moreland.

Look at the girl at the front row all flustered, trying to touch him. The desperation in her eyes, I can almost hear the screams/cries!

Last but not least, just because he's cute, look Elvis at the same venue, just a little more than a year previously. He's outside Fort Homer W. Hesterly Armory, Tampa, FL May 8, 1955.

There's these two moments where I wish I could attend an Elvis concert the most: anywhere/anytime in '72 and August, '56 in Florida. 🥹 Being born 18 years after he was no longer walking on this Earth, I feel so unlucky when I look at those pictures. I would really trade my youth for one single moment watching Elvis, even if "only" onstage for 30-50 minutes. Lucky the ones who got to experience this.

[jewishcissiekj]

I hate hate hate it when people call Asajj in tbb era an "old woman" SHE'S 30

[somegrumpynerd]

Hi! I just wanted to ask, did you had a different blog before? I swear that I have seen your artsyle somewhere 3 or 4 years ago, but 'am not sure... Anyway- I love the stories that you show here :3 I hope you'll have a great day <3

Not in the undertale fandom, but I did used to run a yugioh ask blog if that helps? It's probably been almost a decade since I was on it but honestly my art style hasn't changed all that much lol

Also askdhkfgkjf thank you!! ;-; I hope you have a great day too!! <3

[i-jus-kitten]

.

[immren]

ok im gonna try to draw at least 5 more attacks before artfight ends next week. do u guys believe in me

[anarchywoofwoof]

let's recap what we've learned about the United States in the last few days.

things that are terrorism:

allegedly shooting a healthcare CEO whose company generated more pure profit (not revenue, profit) in a year than the GDP of 94 countries, exclusively by denying coverage to people who pay for it

a 42-year-old mother of 2 using the wrong combination of 7 words during a heated conversation with a call center employee at a health insurance company who was in the process of denying her health coverage.

things that are not terrorism:

mass shooting in a Black church to incite a race war

going to a BLM protest specifically to kill protestors

a neo-nazi running over a crowd of people, killing a woman

targeting and killing 23 latinos in an el paso, texas walmart

killing 12 people in a theatre, shooting 58 others, rigging your apartment with explosives

a QAnon groyper killing 7 and shooting ~50 at a 4th of July parade

killing 3 people and shooting several others at a Planned Parenthood in defense of the unborn

stalking someone relentlessly and then killing them and their child despite months of the victim making police reports

any one of the 1,200 murders committed by US police yearly, the vast majority being minorities

tightening your border while ~100 immigrants (including children) drown every year in the Rio Grande

United Healthcare killing an unnknowable number of elderly people by using faulty AI to deny medically necessary coverage

Aetna killing a woman by refusing to cover her cancer care

Blue Cross killing a 6-year-old by denying her appendicitis surgery

Cigna killing a 17-year-old child by denying her liver transplant

the pharmaceutical industry killing half a million people with opioids in the name of producing revenues in 2023 that rivaled the GDPs of countries like Spain, Mexico, and Australia.

the United States killing 45,000 people a year because they can't access health coverage

make sure you keep this guide handy the next time you find yourself interacting with your insurance company or any other millionaire, billionaire, or an individual who is part of a protected class such as a CEO or president of a corporation.

[beemovieerotica]

something that should be taken with a grain of salt are the statistics talking about the high rates of mental illness + neurodivergence among trans people (ocd, bpd, adhd, autism, etc)

I see both sides of the political spectrum taking these studies at face value - conservatives say we're broken, and trans people try to come up with reasons why for example autism + gender dysphoria makes sense and why one of them feeds into another

at the end of the day you have to remember that we're the one category of people on this planet who are legally required to go see a psychiatrist in order to receive non-psychiatric medication and surgeries.

more trans people are in therapy by law than any other demographic of people, and as a result, this captures more comorbidities.

if I had to look at my own family & rates of mental illness?

mom, dad, 2 maternal aunts, maternal grandmother, paternal grandmother, sister, sibling, and me all have OCD.

7/9 of them are cishet, never been to therapy, never diagnosed. 2/9 are trans, required therapy for hormone treatment, and were diagnosed.

you don't have to do any math to just see that the resulting statistics end up intensely skewed.

and we can think back to how autism was virtually never diagnosed more than 50 years ago - ruling out any grandparents being included in statistics - and even my parents' generation (they're in their 60s now) wouldn't have been included either.

I don't think it's to anyone's benefit to accept these studies uncritically. a lot of these things are hereditary and far more prevalent in the overall population than people realize

[outragedslime]

People on or close to min wage, how much do you spend a month on non-essentials?

Literally asking to see if i can justify a purchase for myself LOL. For the sake of this poll you can exclude any small day to day purchases like a coffee with a friend. Im talking stuff like.. supplies for a hobby, room decorations, special clothes/shoes, video game or console, booze, etc