#6k and I haven’t even gotten to the good part

[whytheylosttheirminds]

Guys I swear I’m over here just tappin away on my keyboard writing ch 5 and it’s not done because it’s so long 😭 it’s coming soon I promise!!!!

[kookslastbutton]

Too Late to Dream ༓ jjk (m) l ch. VI

✑ Summary: You did it. You married your college professor. You even bought a house together. Against all odds, everything had fallen into place. But after two years of marriage, you begin feeling something was missing. You want a baby but your husband can’t say the same.

Pairing: economics professor!jungkook x fem!artist!reader

AU/Genre: angst, smut, fluff, marriage au, age gap, series

Rating: M, 18+

Word Count: 6,192

Warnings: 8-year age gap, mentions of professor-student relationship (oc was a Masters student), kook gets pissed, jk mother is asdhjf!, mommy issues, lots of family drama/in-laws, fighting, manipulative parent, pent-up issues/desires, jk has daddy issues, jk being good hubby to oc, mild sexting, sexual content

Sexual warnings: bl*wj*b, jk c*mes on her t*tt*es, d*rty talk

Now Playing: Make It Right, Tryna Be, Infinity, It Will Rain, Heaven+

A/N: um so this got over 6k which i know isn't amazing but for me its big deal okay?! haha! Anyway Part VI here we go! No flashbacks in this chapter because of ch.V buuut, I have a little gift for you and me. Hope you enjoy!! 💞 also pls vote if youd be so kind 😙

<< ch. V ༓ ch. VII >> | series masterlist

Living in the country for over thirty years, the Jeons were known to be excruciatingly slow and cautious drivers. The town was tiny, roads were narrow, and no one was ever in a rush to get anywhere apart from maybe the farmers market.

Once when Jungkook first got his license he took one hand off the steering wheel and his mother almost had a heart attack, saying it was “reckless of him to put them in danger”. It was from that moment forward that Jungkook always made sure to drive at 10 and 2 or 9 and 3 when his mother was in the car. His father on the other hand didn’t care what he did as long as he didn’t go above 30 mph.

Jungkook was counting his lucky stars when he finally got his own car and the chance to move to the city where he could drive how he damn well pleased–responsibly of course. He had recently finished his Master’s studies and was offered a job as an economist in a major medical corporation. The only catch was that he’d have to relocate to Seoul which ended up being more than fine with him.

His parents moaned and groaned that he wasn’t sticking around but his mind was made up. He moved out of his parent’s tiny town one late June and headed to the city where life moved to a whole new beat.

Ten years later, Jungkook finds himself gripping the steering wheel with two sweaty hands again. Kudos to his parents who have been telling him which way to turn and how fast or slow to go for the past fifteen minutes. He honestly should have picked a brunch spot closer to home to avoid all the madness. Walking would have done them good.

“I’ll never get used to how you drive down here,” Mrs. Jeon grumbles from the back seat. “All these sharp turns and six lanes of traffic going 50-plus miles an hour. It’s a wonder you haven’t all gotten in an accident yet. It’s like I always say, the slower the better. You city folks just don’t get it.”

Jungkook peers in his rearview mirror before signaling to switch lanes. “We can’t afford to go too slow out here Mom. This is a highway and dropping down in speed will cause a safety hazard just as bad, if not worse. Environments are different out here than in the woods.”

As Jungkook merges to the right, Mr. Jeon watches the surrounding cars from the back seat window. “Ah son, son, son!” He hollers and reaches for the ceiling handle.

“What? What happened?” Jungkook asks with panic. He flickers his eyes to the mirror again to spot his father's distress.

Mr. Jeon slowly releases the handle and lets out a lengthy sigh. “It's okay now, we’re good. You did good son. You moved over with so little space I thought you were going to hit the car now behind us."

"I told you it's a mad house out here!" Mrs. Jeon adds, tone thick. Jungkook puts his eyes back on the road in front of him and does his best to ignore the irritation bubbling within him.

"I know what I'm doing," he says. "I've lived here for ten years so can you guys please trust me? And stop with the driving advice and yelling every time I do something."

"We're just trying to help Kookie."

"Well, you're not alright?" The snap in his voice has Jungkook's parents sulking back in their seats in silence. "I want us to get to the restaurant safely and I can't do that when you're both shouting at me! So please just let me do the driving. Thank you."

God, if one more person calls him Kookie in that condescending tone he's going to lose it! Kookie was his childhood nickname but for some reason, it stuck to him like glue until he was friggin' 22 years old. He absolutely hates it and the only person remotely allowed to call him by it is his wife because she makes anything sound like honey to his ears.

The next five minutes are nothing but awkward silence and the sound of tires running on hard cement. Jungkook checks his phone—there's still a good ten minutes left according to the GPS. He moves to turn the radio on to break the eeriness of the drive when an incoming call pops on his car screen.

"Who's that? Who's calling?" Mr. Jeon pipes up.

"It's __." Jungkook hits the answer button. "Hey honey! You're on speaker." He smiles a big, wide grin that says nothing less than he misses you.

"Hi! I'm on my lunch break and thought I'd give you guys a call. I'm stopping at the grocery store tonight, after work. Anything you need?"

“Some booze would be nice!” Mr. Jeon echos and looks at his wife who merely shakes her head. He hasn’t had a drink in twenty years due to his high blood pressure, yet he’s still making the same damn jokes. “Got any Soju? Or maybe Bokbunja?” He chuckles at Mrs. Jeon’s sour face.

Jungkook pays his dad no mind and replies to you. “Uhm….we're low on milk again. I drank the last one yesterday.”

"You went through all those gallon jugs in a week?!" You'd think you'd be used to the amount of dairy your husband packs away but every time, it shocks you as much as the first. You married a milk-lovin’ machine.

Jungkook chuckles. "I'm sorry. I can get them for you if you want. We're on our way to get brunch, then hitting the bookstore for Dad, and after we'll swoop back home. I can pick it up along the way.”

“No need, I’m already going out later so I’ll get it. Anything else?”

“There’s nothing else I can think of. How’s work going?” He’s hoping it’s not hectic given the fact that last week was an absolute sandstorm. He distinctively remembers you coming home with nothing more than tired feet and dark circles under your eyes. He drew you a bath that night.

“Eh, so-so. I have a meeting with my boss later but besides that, it’s the usual. I wish I could have come to brunch with you guys. I feel bad I’m missing it.” Well, you do and you don’t. If Jungkook was planning on talking to his mom about the happenings of last night you wanted to be around for support but it was also a matter that should be between a mother and her son.

“Us too, but we’ll see you ton–shit!” Jungkook slams on the break when he sees he’s about to crash into a black SUV. Everyone’s seatbelts lock at the sudden jerk. “Sorry, sorry!” He checks the mirror to find his parents clinging to their seatbelts.

“Are you guys okay?! Jungkook?!”

He scans all around him to find rows and rows of cars all trying to merge into each other’s lanes. Some are coming from the exit nearby whereas others are trying to squeeze through people in hopes to get ahead.

Dammit, Jungook cruses to himself.

“Yeah, we’re good honey. Everything’s okay but we’ve hit a traffic jam. I’m not sure why since it’s literally 11:40 a.m on a Wednesday but looks like we’re going to be stuck here for a bit.”

“We’d never have this problem at home.” Jungkook hears his mother mumbling under her breath to which his father replies with a nodding of his head. “If it weren’t for all this nonsense we’d be there by now.”

“Absolutely. We’d be there fifteen minutes ago,” his father adds with his hands in the air. “Isn’t there some kind of way you can get around this son, like a shortcut?”

Ah yes, shortcuts on the highway. Why didn’t he think of that? Let him just push the button that says flight mode and–no! Having enough, Jungkook holds his foot on the break and twists his body around to face his parents.

“Alright listen to me right now. This is not Tiny Town where there are a million dirt roads that pop from anywhere and all seem to lead to one other. Everyone drives at least seventy out here and that’s just the way it is because this..." He gestures outside the windshield. "This is what happens! We all get stuck in this congested funnel! But if you two can think of a way to get out of here that doesn’t involve attempting to bulldoze other cars, I’m all ears. Until then we’re going to sit here and talk about the weather because there's nothing else we can do!"

Jungkook looks back and forth between his parents. Mrs. Jeon simply stares outside her window while his dad gives a slow nod in understanding.

"Is it really that bad?"

Jungkook relaxes his body back to face the front when he hears your voice. "Yeah, it's pretty bad __." He lets out a long, exasperated sigh. This is going to be a very long day.

"Nice out today. Mind if I roll down the window?" The traffic hasn't got any better and it was starting to get stuffy in the car. Mr. Jeon desperately needed some fresh air in his face.

"Mhm yeah, go ahead."

"How about some music? Find out what's on the radio will you." He sticks his arm out the window, letting the gentle breeze hit his skin. When the first song blares through the speakers, Jungkook's mother breaks her deafening silence.

"Dear god! What music is this?"

Mr. Jeon immediately perks up. "It's PSY! Turn it up! Turn it up, boy!" Jungkook appeases his father's wishes and turns the knob a few more notches. "Oppa Gangnam Style! Eae eae eae e, sexy lady!"

Hearing his dad singing at the top of his lungs has Jungkook rubbing the side of his head. It's not that he sounded bad but he was singing so loud that everyone around them started pointing, laughing, or rolling up their own windows. "Dad, people are going to get annoyed. Take it down a little."

Deeply immersed in the song, Mr. Jeon continues singing regardless of his son's request. "Op, op, op, op, oppa Gangnam Style!" He starts rocking in his seat which causes a few middle schoolers in the car next to them to pop out their phones.

"Dad!" Jungkook hollers when he notices the kids taking pictures. If doesn't put an end to this now, his father's face is going to be trending all over the internet with god knows what filter.

"Op, op, op, op, on on on on!"

"Dad stop!" He tries again, this time turning the music down. Mrs. Jeon attempts to calm her husband down too, placing a hand on one of his arms but it doesn't take much for it to be ripped out of her grasp. Mr. Jeon ends up nearly whacking his wife in the face due to all his energetic dancing.

"Erotic sexy lady! Oppa Gangnam Sty–hey! Song wasn't done yet!" Jungkook's dad never looked so offended in his life. If he had adjusted his gaze just a few inches to the left he'd see the group of kids, the ones taking photos earlier, giggling to one another. But he was too pissed at his son for crashing his party that it went to the wayside.

"Honey, you were causing a disturbance," Mrs. Jeon says.

"A disturbance? In this traffic jam, I'm the disturbance?" He refuses to believe he's the annoyance when they've been in the middle of a highway, moving at 5 mph for the last hour. PSY has recently become his favorite singer and not enjoying himself would have been an absolute tragedy in his opinion. "It's all of you who should be thanking me for offering some shred of entertainment at times like these."

"The entire population of South Korea is going to be thanking you then." Jungkook creeps forward as soon as the car in front of him moves up a ways. Finally moving again, he hums.

"Hey!" An abrupt voice calls from a slight distance. Two teenage boys pull up in a Jaguar, greasy grins on their faces. "Great singing Grandpa! Really know how to move!" The one in the passenger seat flashes his phone playing a video of Jungkook's dad online.

"Wha–how–What?! You delete that right now!" Mr. Jeon is stunned, tripping over his words at the shock of himself actually being the center of the internet. The video is unexpectedly clear.

"Just ignore them, Dad." Jungkook rolls up all the windows in the car and inches up the best he can to get the teenagers out of direct sight.

"But-but how did they do that so fast? It hasn't even been five minutes yet!"

"It only takes seconds, honey," Mrs. Jeon sighs, realizing her husband has become famous over a re-rendition of a PSY song. Of all things, it had to be that.

"I'm starving."

"Me too."

Jungkook glances at the time–2:40p.m. It's now been three hours of sitting in traffic and they've only moved about ten miles. What on earth is congesting the highway this much?

"Maybe we should take one of these exits." His dad scrolls through the map on his phone. "Says there are a few restaurants down exit 6A."

Jungkook considers the idea. He wants to get off the highway, yes, but so does everyone else. The exit his dad is talking about is off the far right lane which means he's going to need to shove in front of everyone's way.

"You sure it's a good place? Wherever it is you're looking?" The reason why he asks is that his dad is notorious for leading them into the most ruin down places. The last time he was in charge of directions, they ended up in front of an abandoned pizza shop.

Mrs. Jeon takes the phone from her husband's hand and swipes through the photos of a quaint restaurant. "It's not bad," she concludes. "And if it means we can get out of this mess, then I'm with your father on this one."

Two against one. Jungkook turns his signal on and waits for someone to let him over. He earns a few honks when he manages to squeeze his nose over but does his best to give an apologetic wave.

After a few more lane changes he gets in the exit lane. He isn't the only one planning to take exit 6B though, being that there are at least twenty other cars waiting in line.

"Maybe we were better off back where we were. All these people want to get off the same place. If we keep going there's bound to be another exit with far less traffic."

Really? Jungkook feels himself ticking again. After all that shoving to get over here and this is what he gets? No, he's not moving back over. They're going to wait in this stupid lane until it gets them to where they originally agreed.

"We just got here and we're not moving back anywhere. This lane should clear up in less time than it would take to go back on the main highway," Jungkook says. "Also, I probably don't need to clarify this but, we're not going to make it to that bookstore you wanted, Dad."

"It's fine, son. We'll go another day."

Which means tomorrow, Jungkook half grumbles to himself. His parents are here for another day after all and he knows his father well enough to know that "another day" really means the closest day possible.

Despite its size, the restaurant his parents choose is charming with its floor-to-ceiling wood paneling and giant, bay windows. The odd hanging plant is spread throughout the open dining space as well, perfectly setting the mood of serenity.

The restaurant only seems to hold about a dozen people inside, however. So thinking it is best to avoid sitting in an overly crowded space, Jungkook asks for one of the tables outside.

“Oh now this is lovely,” his mother praises, pulling her chair up to the table. Jungkook can’t describe how relieved he is to finally hear something positive after hours of nonstop grumbling.

Mr. Jeon takes a seat next to his wife and across from his son. “I just saw someone get Samgyeopsal and it was huge! Let’s get that to share.”

His enthusiasm is short-lived when the scrunched-up face from his wife says she's not a fan. “That's too much food! We still have to be hungry for dinner so we can eat with __."

"Mom's right," Jungkook agrees reluctantly. "__'s stopping at the grocery store after work so we can prep for dinner tonight. I know traffic slowed us down so we're eating at a weird time but it's better we go with something light."

"Oh well, we can always take some to go! Surely __ will enjoy some beautifully grilled pork!" Jungkook's father is adamant. He wants nothing more than a heavy meal after being stuck in the car all morning.

"__ doesn't like pork Dad. And we all know as soon as we get a whiff of it cooking there's not going to be any leftovers."

"Alright, alright," his dad concedes. "I guess I'll try their bibimbap. What are you having hon?"

Jungkook checks his phone messages while his parents make small talk over the menu. You texted him earlier to see how traffic was holding up and he only able to get back to you minutes ago.

Wifey ❤️ : So I'm guessing you haven't talked to your mom yet?

Jungkook: No, haven't brought it up. She seems fine though with the way she's been acting. It doesn't take much for her to go back to her usual self

Wifey ❤️: Her usual self being...?

Jungkook: You know, really particular.

Wifey ❤️: So she's complaining again. I'm sorry 😞

Jungkook: When I was talking with her on the phone before we left, she was much more careful about what she was saying. I expected it to still be that way now. Must have been a mood.

Wifey ❤️: Sounds like she wasn't sure how you'd be reacting after what happened last night. Maybe she's just reverting to back what she's used to because she's unsure what else to do or say. I'd still try finding a way to talk to her. Does it seem tense?

Jungkook: Yeah, you have a point. But Mom's also had a good way of sweeping things under the rug. It's not tense but it's just uncomfortably normal?

Wifey ❤️: Hmm, strange. And your dad's fine?

Jungkook: Honey...have you been on any social media in the last half hour?

Wifey ❤️: No, why?

Jungkook: Might wanna check. We had a little incident while in traffic. I'm still in shock honestly 😅

Jungkook waits for you to find the video of his dad. He already had the guys blowing up his phone from it so he's surprised none of them at least forwarded it to you.

Wifey ❤️: oh my god! Jungkook what happened?! 😂 I hope you're prepared for your students to be all over this

Jungkook: oh shit, that didn't even cross my mind 😩 also it's not funny honey! Listening to my dad singing eae e sexy lady was traumatizing enough. Now I have to see and hear it every time I pop open my phone or some teen punks show it to me!

Wifey ❤️: Aw Kookie, they're just being kids...try not to overthink. And you know those videos come and go. Your dad will be at the bottom of the chain by next week. Until then keep him away from PSY 😅 But I'm sorry you're having a day, I love you 🥺

Jungkook: I MISS YOU SO MUCH 😭

Wifey ❤️: [sent an image]

Fuck! Jungkook chokes on his spit when he sees a blurry close up of your cleavage. Thankfully his parents are still too occupied by the menu that they didn't notice.

Jungkook: sexy af but this isn't the time to be sexting me baby!

He nearly saves the photo if it weren't for the fact that he already had an album dedicated to very sensual *ahem erotic* photos of you. You had let him take them himself —best motherfuckin' birthday ever.

Wifey ❤️: oh adhjjhj, sorry!! That was an accident. I'm such a klutz. This is what I meant... [sent an image]

"What's going on over there?" Jungkook merely glimpses at the new image before whipping his head up, hearing his mother's, sharp tone.

"It's just __. She's asking about groceries again."

With slightly narrowed eyes, Mrs. Jeon continues. "We're about to order if you're ready."

Dammit. He'll have to reply to you later. Jungkook swiftly pockets the phone. "Okay yeah I'm good to go."

"This is delicious," Mr. Jeon says, patting his mouth with a napkin. "Best bibimbap I've had in a long time."

"That's great Dad." Jungkook stirs his noodles.

"Ah, where's the restroom around here?" He asks the waitress as she walks by. She tells him it's in the restaurant, all the way to the back. Mr. Jeon pushes his chair from the table and excuses himself. "All that broth has me needing to go."

"Yes yes, just go." Why his father needed to explain himself every time he needed to use the restroom is beyond him. Jungkook peers at his mother, taking her time eating her own bowl of noodles–they ended up ordering the same thing. "How is it?" he asks.

"It's good."

"Not too spicy?"

"No, it's mild."

Jungkook gathers more noodles on his chopstick. He freezes halfway when he sees his mother eyeing him intensely. "Everything okay?"

Mrs. Jeon folds her hands in her lap. "It's occurred to me that we still have an elephant in the room. I was hoping we'd be able to talk about it while your father browsed the bookstore. But plans changed."

And here he thought his mother had been playing down last night when really she was biding her time. "You know Dad's gonna be back in like ten minutes right?"

Mrs. Jeon nods. "I know it's not the most convenient of times or places, but I'm afraid if we delay it won't get discussed."

"Okay." Jungkook sets his chopsticks down. "Well...where do you want to start?"

"An apology would be nice." Her voice is mellow but the words are a clear demand rather than an offer. Of course, he wants to apologize to her for all the things he accused her of last night. But he wasn't expecting her to be this forward with it, especially since she was guilty of plenty herself. "I'm waiting Kookie," she coos, taking a sip of water.

Jungkook knits his eyebrows in response, unsure of what he's hearing. His mother looks far too relaxed about this whole thing. He decides to give her the benefit of the doubt. "You're right," he starts. "I'm sorry for what I said last night. I shouldn't have spoken that way and I'm sorry for making you leave. I think you and Dad showing up all a sudden threw me off and I reacted poorly."

Mrs. Jeon cracks a tight smile and reaches for her son's hand. "Thank you, Jungkook. I accept your apology." She gives his hand a squeeze before moving to pick up her chopsticks. "Now that we got that settled let's talk about the reunion. I'm thinking about talking to–"

What....the fuck? His mom did not just glide over this whole issue. She did not just put everything on him. And she did not just bring up that damn reunion again, which he's made very clear he wants nothing a part of. "Is that all you wanted? For me to make my amends with you?"

"What else would there be Kookie?" She scoffs, eyes wide.

"Goddamn it." He struggles to maintain a hushed voice. "Can you please stop calling me that? And what the hell do you mean 'what else would there be'? I'm not trying to put the blame on you but there's a good amount you should be saying to me too."

"What things are you referring to? Don't tell me this is about the reunion again. Look, whatever it is that I said was because I just want to see you more. And no more swearing. You know I don't like that kind of language."

"How can you be like this?" Jungkook can't stop himself. He figured his mom and he would have a better, heart-to-heart than this. It makes his skin crawl that his mother continues to play the victim. "It's genuinely shocking me how....do you even love me?"

Mrs. Jeon pauses at that. "Of course, I love you Jungkook. Why–why would you ask that?" She blinks back the slightest hint of tears forming along the edge of her eyes. Never in a million years did she think her son would doubt something this crucial.

"I feel like–"

"Feel what? What is it?"

"I feel like you care more about what I can do for you than you do me, as your son." Jungkook sniffs. This is a lot harder for him to say than he imagined. "There's been so many times that you've–"

"Don't say this honey! I care about you very much!" She reaches for his hand again but he yanks it away. "What are you trying to tell me?" His mother waits for him to form the rest of the sentence.

Jungkook hesitates to look at her straight on because behind what appears to be concerned eyes is disbelief. She isn't taking any of this seriously. It's written all over her face, tone, and all the way down to the way she's focusing on an answer rather than his inability to comfortably talk to her.

"What have I done so many times?"

"Honestly at this point, what haven't you done?" With an icy glare, Jungkook can't hold himself back anymore. The pot that's been brewing, deep in the darkest parts of him is finally overflowing and it's not going to be pretty to behold. "Do you realize how many times you chose your job, your status, and even your friends over me? And you make Dad go along with literally anything! Is it so horrible for someone to say no to you?!"

The couple next to them shoot uncomfortable looks his way, whispering to each other. Jungkook ignores it and starts counting with his fingers.

"Never once have you ever taken responsibility for showing up uninvited, nagging me about this that, and the other thing, making backhanded comments about my life choice, and most of all pretending our relationship is peachy fine. Well, I'm sorry mom, I'm thirty-four years old and I don't need to live by your rules! Our relationship is barely hanging by a thread and being quite real, it's __ and Dad who are the ones clinging to that thread, making sure it doesn't completely snap."

Mrs. Jeon opens her mouth to interject but Jungkook doesn't allow it to happen. It's not exactly intentional that he's pouring out so much in the middle of people's lunch. Still, he's been shoved over a steep cliff, head first.

"I'm sorry mom, I don't know how many times I need to say it. I don't enjoy any bit of this. It's just been a long stretch of–"

"That's enough! I don't want to hear any more." Mrs. Jeon immediately grabs her purse and twists her neck every which way. "Where's your father? I want to leave."

"Mom I'm trying to talk to you! Why won't you let me talk?"

His mother doesn't reply. She doesn't look at him. It's the silent treatment, Jungkook concludes–it's fucking irritating. "I'm not trying to be hurtful," he says, forcing himself to calm down. "Mom look at me."

She doesn't move.

It only takes seconds for their waitress to near her way up to the table with anxious steps. "I'm sorry to be doing this but unfortunately, we've received a few complaints of a disturbance out here." The young girl clasps her hands. "To ensure all our guests are comfortable we're going to need to ask you to take your conversation elsewhere. I'm really sorry."

Fuck. How embarrassing. Jungkook clears his throat and stands up from his seat. "We understand and are genuinely sorry for the commotion. We'll pay at the front and be on our way. Thank you for waiting our table."

The young girl gives a nervous smile and retreats inside the restaurant. Jungkook makes a note to give her a generous tip.

"Hey, what's going on out here?" Mr. Jeon rushes over, hair blowing over due to the breeze. "I heard there was some inconsiderate party out here airing out their dirty laundry for all to see. I tell you, people these days don't know what privacy means anymore!" He shakes his head and takes a seat.

"Get up Dad we're leaving."

"But I'm not done my–––oh shit." Mr. Jeon clenches his teeth. "You two?"

Mrs. Jeon gets up from her chair, still wordless, and walks towards the parking lot. "I'll get this Dad." Jungkook stops his father from pulling out his wallet. "It is best if you go try to ease Mom. I don't think she'll be talking to me for a while."

Mr. Jeon puts a hand on his son's shoulder. It's his way of offering comfort. "You're mother has made things difficult for you, Jungkook. I'll try getting through to her. In the meantime don't let this eat you up. It's been a long time coming."

Jungkook doesn't get home until quarter past six. The drive home was better than the drive to the restaurant, but hitting the notorious five o'clock traffic slowed them down once more. He also had to drop his parents at their hotel which was no easy task. His mother barely gave him a glance before hopping out of the car. The amount of guilt settling in his gut isn't going away any time soon.

"Hey." Jungkook finds you searching through the kitchen cupboard. "I hope you're okay with spice tonight! I got this really awesome–oh baby what's wrong?" You stop what you're doing when you see your husband come up behind you with sunken eyes. He wraps his larger arms around you, desperately needing your scent.

"I blew it," he croaks. "She's so mad at me."

"I'm sorry Jungkook. I'm sorry I couldn't be there." You turn in his arms to pull him into a full embrace. His nose tickles the side of your neck but you don't laugh. "You wanna tell me?"

Jungkook takes your hand and sits you both on the couch in the living room. "The morning started out rough with three hours of traffic and the two of them in the back seat, telling me where and how I should drive. Then my dad got unexpectedly famous off a PSY song. We finally got to some restaurant about half an hour west of here before 3pm. Everything was going okay until dad went to the bathroom."

"Okay," you say, scooting closer beside him. You rub small circles on his upper back as he leans forward on his spread-apart knees. "What happened?"

"Mom suggested we talk about last night so I said sure." You watch as Jungkook fiddles with his hands. "But she didn't actually care about a conversation or what I had to say. All she wanted, all she expected, was for me to apologize to her so we'd be okay again. It all came out after that and I feel so horrible about it. We ended up getting kicked out of the restaurant too."

"Jungkook..."

"I tried __. I wanted to be patient and to be a good son but she can't even look at me right now." He falls back on the couch, staring at the blank wall in front. "Dad's convinced it was bound to happen."

"You are a good son, Jungkook." You comb a few strands of his soft, ebony hair. He closes his eyes as you do. "You're mom's the one who needs to readjust her view."

"I never thought I'd yell at my mom about all that stuff. And certainly not in public where everyone is trying to have a pleasant lunch. I'm a grown-ass adult and I should have had better control of myself."

You settle into his inner shoulder, laying a hand on his chest. "Even grown adults have limits and your mom's far surpassed those limits. Don't blame yourself for this."

"Dad said the same thing."

"Well, that's two against one."

Jungkook smiles. Two against one, that's where he got that from. Not that you're the first person to use the phrase but he never used it as regularly until you moved in together.

"I missed you so much today. I don't deserve you."

You cock your head up as quick as the words fly from his mouth. "Don't you dare say things like that! You're a good man despite how awful your mother treats you." You lean your face near his, eyes wandering deep into his dark brown ones. "If you're not otherwise too tired, I'm going to show you how much I love you."

Jungkook opens his lids at that–apparently not too tired. You smirk and get off the couch.

"Here?" His classic doe-eyes peer down at your kneeled position. Seeing you settle this perfectly between his muscular thighs triggers an intense blood rush that goes straight to his dick. Jungkook didn't think he was going to get horny tonight but here he was with his half-harden length in your hands in the middle of the living room.

"Mhm." You position yourself just enough for him to have a clear view of your tits. You had taken both your shirt and bra off before starting. You know how your husband likes it. "That okay with you?"

Jungkook groans when you grip his cock harder, gliding it from the base to the tip in repeated motions. "Fuck yeah. It's more than okay." You giggle at how quickly your husband gets in the mood. He thinks you're the bitch in the bedroom? You quicken your movements.

"Oh shit this feels so good." He grips the couch cushion, keeping his focus on you. "Need that gorgeous mouth wrapped around me baby, please. Shit–"

You honor your husband's requests and trace your tongue from the base of his cock all the way up to his tip. Once there, you suck lightly before taking him in whole.

"That's it. Take my cock, fuck." Jungkook goes on to praise you as you bottom out. You gag a little at first being that you haven't done this in what....weeks? Damn. Whatever happened to the days when you'd literally go down on each other every day?

"We need to get you reacquainted with my cock honey," he teases, bucking his hips forward to push himself further into your mouth. "All these weeks without my cock in your mouth has you gagging all over me. Been it's been too long hasn't it?"

"Mm," is the only thing you reply with, the weight of his thick length dragging back and forth on your tongue. By now your pussy is pulsating like crazy and you're tempted to just get up and fuck yourself on him. But tonight was about your husband–you're going to make sure of it. And Jungkook loves nothing more than getting head with your bare tits in full view, obviously.

A few sucks later and Jungkook starts fucking himself into your mouth. They began as soft, needy bucks of his hips but now they're rough, full-force thrusts. His length shoves to the back of your throat and you moan desperately around him. "Did you miss my cock baby? I bet you did. My sexy wife....you're mine and you're gonna make me come, aren't you? Fuck yeah, you are."

Your eyes water as you continue to take him, hallowing your cheeks the best you can. Jungkook has his eyes screwed shut and sweat dripping from his forehead. Your panties are so fucking soaked right now and your nipples are defiantly hard from sheer arsousal.

"God I'm so close baby. You're mouth is---fuck I don't even have the words. It's fucking magic! And your tits are so hot from this angle. Kinda reminds me of what you sent to me earlier. Can I come on them? I'm so close." Jungkook takes your broken moans as a yes and starts ramming into you two more times before pullout and covering your breasts with warm liquid. "Fuck fuck fuck," he grunts, spilling himself on you.

What a mess. You look down at yourself. What a motherfuckin' mess and you love it. Jungkook pulls you into a passionate kiss, tongue rolling with yours in heavenly harmony. "Thank you for this," he says between kisses. "I'll help you wash up, I promise."

"Mm Jungkook," you pant. "I think I need you inside me."

Hey, he got his dick sucked and he creamed your tits–it's mama's turn now, or excuse you–wifey.

A/N: this got nasty whoops. not sorry. Anyway LMK what you think, thanks for reading! 💞 also pls vote if youd be so kind

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Taglist:

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P.S. I'm sorry but I'm not sure if I'm able to tag all of you!

no reposting, copying, or translating my work– © kookslastbutton

[luchicm04]

Sinking in the Metkayina - chapter 2

Masterlist

Summary: Tonowari is obsessed. The atmosphere is completely opposite to the first chapter. For those who want to preserve the impressions from Chapter 1, I recommend not reading.

Pairing: Tonowari/Omatikaya!Fem Reader

Tag: #sinking in the metkayina fic

posted on ao3

Word count: +6k

All characters belong to Avatar, and all rights are reserved to the original work whose author allowed me to translate it.

Overall warnings: hurt/comfort, fluff, obsessive behavior⚠️

“Hey!!! Excuse me, are you part of the Omatikaya?”

“No. I’m from the Tawkami clan.”

“Well, can you stop by the Omatikaya then?”

“It is on the way, but…”

“Thank goodness...! Please, tell the Olo’eyktan of the Omatikaya that (Y/n) is alive and is now living with the Metkayina!”

Because she was happily living with Tonowari, she hadn’t thought about Jake or the humans who probably considered her dead… When she first got to the island, the human knew she would be rejected if she asked to pass on the news, and after that, she was busy collecting research samples in the ocean that she loved, so she forgot about it…

‘How could I forget just like that?’

Back at the base, she’ll have access to the conveniences and familiarity of civilization and research equipment.

After living for so long in tribal society using only the things permitted, she was so happy thinking about going back… She could examine the things she had collected there under a microscope and run them through all sorts of testing machines!!

Of course, there was the issue of the relationship with Tonowari, but she thought that she could just give him communication devices and talk to him every day. She thought that she would stay at the base for a while, and then move the necessary things and go back and forth between the Omatikaya and Metkayina.

(Y/n) believed that Tonowari would understand all of that.

Because he was an understanding man.

──

The human helicopter arrived earlier than expected; the Tawkami Na’vi must have quickly delivered the message.

(Y/n) barely managed to stop the tribesmen from attacking it, agitated by the landing of an unfamiliar mechanism, and shouted in joy at the man who had gotten off of it.

“Ralph!”

“(Y/n)! You’re alive!”

“You’re not getting rid of me that easily. It’s been so long...”

As soon as Ralph stepped on the sand, he ran to hug his colleague who he thought had passed away and cried tears of happiness. (Y/n), who was hugging him back, also shed tears. After being shipwrecked and lost for months, only then did she realize she had made it. She had survived.

“Have you been here this whole time?”

“Yeah, I forgot to try and contact you… Sorry.”

“It’s okay, I’m just grateful that you did now. Come on, let’s go back.”

The girl felt as if she had been slapped back to reality. “Huh?”

“Everyone’s waiting. Is your drinking capacity still intact?”

“Of course! ...Um, but…”

She hadn’t finished organizing everything yet. She hadn’t even said goodbye yet… But before she could utter a single word, a hand roughly pulled (Y/n), who had stayed still hesitantly, away from Ralph.

Tonowari spoke with a severe face, holding (Y/n)’s arm so tightly she almost fell on her knees. “What do you mean go back?” he questioned, having managed to overhear their conversation and remembering the few English words he had learned through the girl.

“Oh, right… I see you. My name is Ralph. I’m (Y/n)’s workmate.”

“I asked what did you mean with ‘go back’.”

“We are currently on war against our enemies alongside the Omatikaya. Didn’t (Y/n) say that she came from there?” Ralph explained, a bit cautiously.

“It doesn’t matter. The Metkayina is with whom (Y/n) is staying right now, and she won’t be going back.”

(Y/n) looked up at him in surprise. “Tonowari, what are you talking about…! Ralph, I’m sorry, I haven’t talked to the Na’vis here yet...”

“If we talk about this, will anything change?” The man continued to gaze intently at her.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you in advance, but… all my foundations are in the forest; I have to go back.”

“Are you leaving me?”

Ralph, sensing something was wrong judging by Tonowari’s frighteningly hardened expression, looked at (Y/n) with a face that demanded an explanation.

“I think you’re too worked up, let’s go inside and talk. Ralph, I’m sorry, but I can’t go back today. Can you return in three days?”

“Don’t come. She won’t leave.”

“Tonowari…! I’ll explain properly, Ralph, just go!”

“(Y/n), are you alright?”

“Yes, just go now!”

The human male got back on the helicopter, seeing that something was seriously wrong with his friend but couldn’t do anything about it. All he could do was shout, “I’ll be back in three days!”

When (Y/n) saw the helicopter take off, she looked around. Even though they didn’t know the details of the what was discussed, the observing people could tell that the human girl had been about to leave, and the young Na’vis were looking at her with hurt eyes.

“Guys, I didn’t mean to leave just like th- Ow! Tonowari…!”

While normally his heart would tremble even when (Y/n) pretended to be sick, the chief gripper her arm, almost dragging her and headed towards their shared marui.

“You need to explain yourself.”

“It hurts…!”

As soon as they arrived, Tonowari threw her arm away and spoke.

“Now tell me, what did you plan on doing?”

“This is a misunderstanding, Tonowari… It wasn’t my intention to leave you all like that.”

“How can I believe you?” he asked more softly with a deep voice.

“I was just planning to go back and rest for a bit, then come back and spend some time going back and forth between the two locations.”

“Without saying a word to anyone?”

“Tonowari, listen. I was going to go and come back, really.”

“I already asked, how can I believe you?”

“...Believe it or not, I’m going. Ralph is coming back in three days.”

Tonowari’s face, devoid of a single smile, was eerily frozen. “You’re going with that man? Leaving me behind?”

(Y/n) was starting to get a little scared. However, she thought it was a process that they had to go through anyway, so she continued to speak firmly.

“Ralph is just a co-worker. He’s just like any of my collagues.”

“...Ha. There are other men too?”

“What the hell does that have to do with…?”

“Alright, that’s the end of the story. You will stay here, and tell your ‘colleagues’ the same thing.”

“Tonowari!”

“Do not test my patience any longer.”

‘Well, what if I try it, huh?’

At this point, (Y/n) was pissed. She had explained it several times; why didn’t he listen? Didn’t she say she’d be coming back?? The girl sat down and started packing her things as if she was protesting.

“(Y/n),” he uttered her name in a chilling tone.

“I don’t want to talk right now.”

“(Y/n), I warned you.”

“Well then, what are you going to do?” she asked challengingly without turning back or stopping what she was doing.

Tonowari, who had been quietly looking down at (Y/n) with his mouth shut, roughly grabbed her arm and pulled her up… and threw her over his shoulder.

In an instant, her eye level rose to nearly 3 meters, and Tonowari headed towards the sea without even caring whether his hold was being harsh or not.

“Where are you going? Let go of me! Tonowari!”

As soon as he jumped into the sea with his head held high, (Y/n) froze when she saw his Skimwing approaching him as if it had been waiting for him. They were usually dangerous and she wasn’t even allowed to go near one, so it made no sense to put her in such a dangerous position. Regardless, Tonowari, who had gotten used to her trashing and made Tsaheylu with it, crossed through the water and headed somewhere unknown to her.

The place he took (Y/n), who was frightened and with no further intention of rebelling further, was… a small rocky island with rough waves crashing against it.

Tonowari reached the coastal cave there and laid (Y/n) down, exhausted from hear.

“This place has strong currents and brutal waves. You can’t possibly get close unless you have a Tsurak. Of course, you can’t get out of it either.”

“Are you out of your mind?!”

“There is a freshwater lake, so you will have a place to drink and wash. I will bring you food.”

“Tonowari! Are you hearing yourself right now?”

“I shall come twice a day.”

(Y/n), who was grasping for breath on the cave floor, suddenly got up and tried to fight against Tonowari, but she was easily subdued… The girl felt so wronged that she almost cried. She tried to escape from Tonowari’s hands and yelled almost in tears.

“W-why? Why are you doing this to me?”

“Because you are my mate.”

Tonowari’s eyes possessed an unreadable light as he said those words, and (Y/n) felt at a loss for words.

“I’ll be back in the evening, so cool your head and rest.”

The man let go of her arm and walked back to the beach, then rode off on his Skimwing without looking back.

Only a dazed (Y/n) remained on the rocky island.

──

(Y/n), who was crouching blankly in the cave, didn’t even know how much time had passed. All she could perceive was the wind blowing, the waves crashing, and the sky getting dark.

When Tonowari arrived, it was evening, as anticipated, with the sun setting.

He put down some fruits and other foods that (Y/n) liked and usually ate, and spoke, “I brought you something to eat.”

“I won’t.”

“You must in order to survive.”

“Then let me go.”

“That is not possible.”

(Y/n) chuckled.

“You won’t let me go back, you dragged me here and you confined me. What’s next?”

“Please, at least eat something.”

“And if I don’t? Will you force me?”

“No. I would never use violence on you.”

“You know, that’s really funny… I’m not eating, so take the food back. Or throw it away.”

After saying those words, Tonowari stared at (Y/n) with his mouth shot for a long time. He picked up a fruit, took a bite, and came closer. (Y/n) noticed what he was trying to do and struck his cheek with all her might, but his neck didn’t even turn… It looked like he was going to kiss her.

Blood was flowing from Tonowari’s mouth after their lips were glued together for a few seconds and then pulled away… The girl had bit his lip.

His finger touched his bruised lip and he looked at it with slight anger. “Nothing good will come from this.”

“If you know it won’t get any better, why are you doing this?”

“You don’t understand.”

“If it was going to be like this, why did you treat me so well?”

“(Y/n)-”

“Why did you make the people think you are a good mate, a good Na’vi?!”

Tears fell from (Y/n)’s eyes. Betrayal, sadness and resentment was all she could feel, but also a little bit of a desire to still believe… a faint hope that if she told him, he would listen.

“It’s not too late. Let me go.”

“...I love you.”

“Take me back, please...”

“I love you.”

“Please, don’t let me hate you…”

Tonowari just hugged her without even wiping the blood flowing from his mouth. (Y/n) was crying in hopelessness in his arms and beating his chest, asking how this could be called love… The hand that stroke (Y/n)’s back was as affectionate as ever, and that made (Y/n) fall into despair even more.

──

Tonowari came to see (Y/n) twice a day, as promised. Each time, the human didn’t open her mouth nor looked at him, but he paid no attention to it and continued to talk about the day’s events as if nothing had happened.

“Today I helped the children ride an Ilu for the first time. It made me happy… reminded me of my memories with you. I hope we get to do that soon.”

“The whole village is busy because it’s clam digging season.”

“The Tulkuns have created a new song and it’s so beautiful. I wish to listen to it together later...”

Every time the word ‘together’ came out, (Y/n) would snicker in amazement. It had been only a few days that they did everything together, but now it was a word that felt so distant.

On the sixth day that Tonowari came, the girl had a gut feeling that he had met Ralph again when she saw his mouth clenched even tighter than usual.

“That man came. I told him to go back because you wouldn’t be leaving.”

“...Are you satisfied now?”

“He said he’d be back again to keep looking for you. I can’t be at peace until then.”

“When will it be enough for you?”

“Until you become my mate completely.”

“Then, you’re screwed; you’ll never be satisfied in your life.”

“Don’t say that.”

“I used to be your mate, you know? You were the one who doubted me and ruined things.”

“That happened when you tried to leave without saying a word.”

“...Okay, talking any further will get us nowhere.”

Tonowari looked at (Y/n)’s back, who had turned around as if there was no point in arguing any longer, with eyes full of all kinds of emotions.

(Y/n) felt those gazes but ignored them and bit her lips tightly… She had no idea where it went wrong and whether they could turn this relationship around.

‘I wonder if I’ll ever get out of here…’

──

The girl didn’t bother to keep track of the number of days that passed from then on. She didn’t even count the amount of times Tonowari would visit her without fail, because she feared she’d go crazy if she realized she had been locked away alone that much time.

As always, the Na’vi got up, whispering his unanswered love and spoke caressing her face, which had become pale due to not eating properly (although much of what she ate, she had thrown up). “I’ll be leaving now for today. I shall be back tomorrow morning, so make sure you eat something before then.”

“...”

“I love you.”

(Y/n), as always, sat still without seeing him off. Soon, she heard the Skimwing’s wings flapping, meaning she had been left alone again.

‘How long has it been…’

As she stood blankly for a long time, (Y/n) realized that the sound could be heard once more, although faintly.

‘He said he’d come in the morning… Why is he back again?’

The human was not happy either way, so she sat there with her back to the sea.

“(Y/n), (Y/n)! Are you there?!”

Until she heard a woman’s voice.

“...Maunan?”

It was the Tsahìk of the Maetkayina.

As soon as she heard that voice, (Y/n) jumped up and ran out.

‘Please, please…’

It was Maunan, who jumped down after her Skimwing landed. When she saw the taller woman’s face, (Y/n) burst into tears and cried loudly.

“Maunan!!!”

“Eywa… Have you been here the whole time?”

“Yes, here… c-continuously… ugh...”

“The people were very worried.”

Maunan, seeing her haggard complexion, wiped her tears and did her best to comfort her.

“How did it come to this…?”

“Y-you came to save me? Can I leave now?”

The Na’vi looked at her pitifully, imagining how strong her desire was to be back at her home in the jungle. “No, not yet. There’s a limit to how far you can go with a Skimwing. There is an Ikran rider who is leaving for the forest soon. I’ll tell him to spread the news about what happened, so hold on here for three days.”

“Three days...”

“I believe three days will be enough for the Sky People to hear about it and come back. Is that alright with you?”

“Yes, I can handle it… Thank you… Thank you…”

“No need for that. It’s my fault for not stopping the situation in time.”

After soothing (Y/n), who was sobbing in relief that she would finally escape, Maunan said that she would be going and advised her not let herself be caught by Tonowari. Only after seeing the human nodding with a tearful face did she take off on her mount.

(Y/n) was left alone on the rocky island again, but she was no longer distressed.

‘Three days… I must hold out until then.’

(Y/n) started putting into her mouth the food that Tonowari had left behind, which she had never even looked at unless she was really close to dying… Up until then, she had not experienced any flavor when she ate, but for the first time in weeks since she had been trapped there, she could taste the sweetness of the fruit. After gulping down the water, she felt much more energetic.

The next morning, Tonowari, who brought food as usual, saw for the first time that (Y/n) had emptied the food.

“Will you be eating now?”

“...Yes...”

“Good. I was worried about you…” Tonowari said caressing her cheek, whose complexion had improved. And, again, for the first time, (Y/n) did not slap his hand away.

How long had it been since (Y/n) accepted Tonowari’s touch instead of rejecting it…? The man felt as if the two of them had gone back to how it used to be in the past, even if it was only for a moment. At that time, everything was happiness. (Y/n) loved him as if she would stay by his side forever, and with that alone, Tonowari felt like he had the whole world.

And now… although it had gotten better, he could still see her gaunt face and listless appearance. Tonowari suddenly felt a surge of emotion… How had it ended up like this? ...He had been happier than anyone else, but the feeling of having ruined it with his own hands struck his hands.

“...I’ll be going now.”

In the end, Tonowari couldn’t stay long that day and ran away from the rocky island… (Y/n) still didn’t see him off, but she watched his back as he rode off on his Skimwing for a long time.

──

Two days left

The next day, (Y/n) ate all the food Tonowari had brought, and some color returned to her pale face. After finishing all the clams that she especially liked, he was once again caught up in that inexplicable feeling as he watched (Y/n) resting as if she was full.

The girl blushed and said, “If you grill the clams next time, let’s eat them together.”

He vividly remembered (Y/n)’s first day of class, when he had felt sorry for her and had tried so hard to help her out due to her not even being able to open the clams.

Now that he thought about it, Tonowari may have started paying special attention to (Y/n) since that moment. Did he know back then that this would happen? If he had known… would he still have opened that clam?

Tonowari was overcome with all sorts of emotions as he looked at (Y/n)’s body, which had always been small, but now it somehow seemed even smaller… He remembered the memory of him hugging her small frame, kissing her and smiling. He also remembered the face that pretended not to have anything going on with him and kissed him briefly when no one was looking, and the voice that whispered that she loved him.

He felt like he had ruined it all.

Looking at (Y/n)’s expressionless face, Tonowari asked impulsively, “Can I hug you just this once?”

The human turned her head at those words and stared at him for a while without saying anything before answering quietly.

“...Alright.”

As always, Tonowari lowered his body, met her gaze, and hugged her affectionately. (Y/n) did not avoid him.

──

One day left

Tonowari, who had left the rocky island as if he was running away that day, recalled the fond feelings and memories that had welled up the moment he hugged (Y/n). Those whirlwind emotions didn’t go away even after lying down on the floor of his marui, so he couldn’t fall asleep and kept tossing and turning. The nights he had spent with (Y/n) were not like that at all.

Her body would lie down and fit perfectly into his arms, whispering “Good night, Tonowari.” and she’d finally close her eyes. When he opened his eyes in the morning, (Y/n)’s round eyes and the mischievous voice that teased him for being sleepy would be the first thing he’d see.

It was Tonowari who ruined it all.

Not (Y/n).

Tonowari got up and washed his face dry, going over his mother’s words on his head.

“Tomorrow, bring (Y/n) back and… apologize.”

He couldn’t help it.

Because Tonowari loved (Y/n) too much to give up her affectionate whispers and touches.

──

The third day came and (Y/n) opened her eyes. Even though it was just dawn, the girl was biting her fingernails nervously… She sat down and swayed her legs, then jumped up and ran to the beach, narrowing her eyes and searching the distant sky.

He’d come… He said he would… He had to get her out of there.

Before Tonowari arrived…

How long did she wait like that…? Who knows, because soon enough, she started hearing the familiar sound of a propeller from afar.

It was a helicopter! It was there to pick her up!

(Y/n) was so happy that she jumped up and down in place, screaming “H-here! I’m over here!!”

“(Y/n)! Oh my god, are you okay?!”

“Ralph…! Oh, God, thank you…”

Her eyes welled up with tears as she heard the English words… Ralph’s expression of shock at her appearance, which seemed to have almost lost half its life, was vivid.

“Let’s go. Quickly, we have to leave before that crazy guy gets here!”

The island was too small and uneven for a helicopter to land on, so Ralph reached out from the cabin of the vehicle that was a short distance from the ground. Right when she was about to grab his hand, (Y/n) hesitated for a moment.

‘If I leave now… it will be the end of me with Tonowari. Our relationship will be over, just like that.’

Despite all that catastrophe, the thought of it made the blood drain from her fingertips.

“Ralph, I…”

“(Y/n)!!!”

The sound of a Skimwing’s wings flapping was heard along with that scream.

As soon as he had seen the Sky People’s machine that he had already witnessed once, Tonowari understood the situation flew towards them at a fast speed, his face turning pale.

“(Y/n), I was wrong! Please, please don’t leave!”

A desperate cry… Tonowari was pleading, yelling as if pouring out everything inside him.

“Shit, he’s already here… Get in, (Y/n)!”

“I… Wait, I...”

“If we wait any longer, it’ll be too late!”

The man grabbed (Y/n)’s hesitating hand and pulled with all his might, and (Y/n) was put on the chopper’s back. It would have been right to leave without even looking back, but the girl couldn’t take her eyes off Tonowari even after getting on the helicopter.

“(Y/n), please, please…!! I was wrong, please! Please, just stay…!!”

The pilot, after confirming that his companion was safely on board, took off straight upward. Their ride, which had risen to a point beyond the reach of the Skimwing, took off towards the forest at an incomparable speed.

“(Y/n)!!!”

Leaving behind Tonowari’s desperate cries.

Ralph looked anxiously at the strangely quiet (Y/n) behind him after having saved her in the nick of time while they headed back to the jungle.

“Are… are you alright?”

“...Yeah, I’m fine. Thank you for saving me.”

This was the right thing.

It was right to cut off that kind of relationship.

For Tonowari’s sake, and for hers.

(Y/n) kept looking back without saying a word… After flying like that for a few hours, when they arrived at the forest, the humans who had been waiting hugged her and welcomed her with tears in their eyes.

“(Y/n)! God, look at your face…! Are you okay?”

“We’re so sorry, we should have looked for you more...”

“Get in, quickly. You need to eat something warm and rest.”

She went inside and drank warm coca with marshmallows floating on top for an unknown amount of time, and then went through a health checkup just in case. Except for a slight malnutrition caused by skipping meals, everything was fine, so her colleagues breathed out a sigh of relief.

“The body is not the problem, it’s the mind...”

“Shh, be quiet.”

“Why? Did I say something wrong?”

“Just… pay attention…!”

It was already known by everyone that she had been in a relationship with Tonowari, as it had been declared by Maunan… and being imprisoned by such a lover was not an experience that could be easily overlooked. Since none of the remaining humans had majored in counseling or anything like that, they all just gave her their best wishes and let her rest in peace.

(Y/n) came into her room, saying she wanted to be alone, and swept the desk she had not seen in a long time with her hand. There was no dust, as if it had been cleaned in advance. She still didn’t feel like she was back.

The girl laid on the bed and stared at the ceiling. The mattress was soft, fluffy and comfortable; unrivalled to the hammock or floor of the open-plan marui. Suddenly, as she was just laying there, she felt that the bed was too cold. Was it because there was no large body that hugged her warmly? Although she had slept alone the whole time she had been on that island, the empty space felt alien, as if they he had been with her the day before.

‘No, Tonowari is a bad man who pressured me, trapped me on that island, and then shamelessly forced me not to leave.

Whether he was kind or not.

Whether he gave me a warm hug or not.

Whether he whispered that he loved me or not.’

(Y/n) knew it was nonsense, but… she wanted to see Tonowari.

She hated it so much, but was it because she realized she could never see him again? Memories of Tonowari continued to come to her mind without stopping. When he first gave her a ride, when he made her a necklace out of pretty conch shells, when he made her laugh with the kids and told her stories about shells… All her good memories were with Tonowari.

That night, the only thing that could be heard from (Y/n)’s room was the sound of sobbing and crying nonstop.

Meanwhile, the humans were not over their worries… because… Tonowari knew that (Y/n) was residing with the Omatikaya and even more so, he was the Olo’eyktan of a clan… Jake had to maintain the best possible relationship with the other tribes or, in the worst-case scenario, there would be an armed conflict.

Her friends asked Jake what he was going to do, and the former avatar decided to stick to his stance of protecting (Y/n).

“If it weren’t for (Y/n) during the war, half of us would have died. (Y/n) is like you, a member of my tribe. I survived and became the leader, but I won’t abandon my people like old shoes. Instead, we should avoid conflict as much as possible… and we should also prevent (Y/n) and Tonowari from seeing each other.”

He thought everything would be okay once the war was over, but he put his hand on his forehead, troubled by another matter.

“That Olo’eyktan… should be here by now?”

“It’s a matter of time.”

“...Even if he does something, don’t tell (Y/n).”

“Of course.”

Jake was half prepared for war, half prepared for diplomacy. He’d go with other Na’vis armed with weapons and try his best to avoid conflict, but if things went unexpectedly… While tension hung over the entire base, (Y/n) just cried in her room or slept like she was dead. She didn’t want to do anything else; she didn’t have the energy for it.

Unfortunately for the humans, time flew by… and finally, a radio message came from a tribesman who was scouting on an Ikran.

“A sea Na’vi has been spotted. He is believed to be the Olo’eyktan of the Metkayina, riding a Pa’li.”

“Hmm… How many people are with him?”

“That’s… the strange thing.”

“Strange?”

“He is alone.”

Alone? The humans who heard the radio were muttering. So, that meant he didn’t plan on using force, right? That was good… Nevertheless, why come alone? What was he thinking?

“Ha… I’ll go over there and talk to him first; don’t let (Y/n) know. It’s best if you distract her so she can’t come out at all.”

“Should be easy enough. She just cries in her room and doesn’t go out anyway.”

──

“I see you, Tonowari.”

“I see you, JakeSully.”

Jake’s palms were slightly sweaty as he faced Tonowari. The Na’vi, who was nearly 3 meters tall and had a body that would make it difficult to predict the outcome if they fought, was looking down at him.

“I will not take much of your time. Allow me to talk to (Y/n).”

“That won’t be possible. You know why.”

“I’m not here to do any harm. I just want to talk, that’s all.”

“(Y/n) won’t want to see you.”

“...I know.”

“Then you know why I have no choice but to refuse your request.”

“Just let me talk to her. The consequences will be on me.”

──

“...Jane? What are you doing at the door?”

“Huh? Oh, I… I was just looking at something.”

“I’m going out. Can you please step aside?”

“E-eh? Ahaha… Shouldn’t you sleep a little more?”

“No, I already slept for some time… I wanted to go get some fresh air.”

“The weather outside is not that great today~ Just stay in your room!”

“…? It seemed okay when I looked through the window?”

“It’s hot and humid and not pleasant...!”

The girl stared oddly at her colleague.

“What’s wrong? It looks as if you’re trying to keep me from going out.”

“Huh? O-oh, uh… No~ No, it’s just that...”

“Is there any reason why I shouldn’t go out?”

“W-what? Of course not, why would there be? Ahaha~”

“…..”

“Ahahaha...”

“Is Tonowari here?”

It was something like an intuition that even (Y/n) couldn’t explain. An instinctive inkling that Tonowari had come to see here.

“Eh? What… What are you talking about? Why would that Na’vi be here?”

“Tonowari is here, isn’t here?”

“That’s not it- (Y/n)! (Y/n), where are you going, (Y/n)!!”

She pushed past Jane and hurried down the hallway. While she was running, (Y/n) felt several hands trying to get a hold of her saying “Hey! Grab her! Don’t let her out!”. She didn’t know where the strength came from, but she shook the all off and pushed the door open with all her might and got out.

She squinted for a moment under the dazzling sunlight, then opened her eyes and looked at the spot where Tonowari was standing still. Jake made a face of defeat and gestured to his friends next to him.

“Take her back in, hurry!”

“No, let me talk to him.”

“...(Y/n)?”

“It was me who got tied up in this mess, so it’s me who has to do it, not you.”

“...I’ll be watching from the side, just in case.”

“Thanks, Jake.”

And so, (Y/n) stood in front of Tonowari for the first time in a long time.

“...(Y/n).”

“Long time no see, Tonowari.”

“...I have a lot to say.”

“Try me.”

The man fell to his knees. Jake looked back and forth between them in confusion.

“...I’m sorry. It was all my fault, and I dare not ask for forgiveness. I… I apologize for everything.”

“What do you want?”

“Just let me stay by your side.”

“Are you asking me to go back?”

“No, I shall stay with you.”

“...You’re going to stay in the forest?”

“If you permit me.”

“You- you are Olo’eyktan.”

“I’ll leave everything behind. The sea has no meaning to em without you.”

(Y/n) bit her lip and looked at Tonowari.

“If that’s the case, why did you do it?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Do you know how brazen you’re being right now?”

“It’s all my fault.”

“After locking me up, you think you can fix everything with a few words?”

“The morning you left, I was going to give up everything and take you out.”

“Are you expecting me to believe that?”

“You don’t have to believe it, just… know that it’s the truth.”

“...What are you going to do from now on?”

“I will atone for my sins by your side. You don’t have to love me, and you can hit me if you wish.”

“You want me to stay by your side? Even in the end, you only think about your own good.”

“...I’m sorry.”

The human looked at the sky for a moment. It was as clear as the day (Y/n) escaped from the island, and there before her was her captor kneeling, waiting for his punishment.

What did she want to do? The woman shut her mouth and stared at Tonowari.

‘Kiss me. Give it a try first and then decide.’

──

“(Y/n), are you sure about this? Really sure?”

“I told you, I really am. And don’t you remember what my major is? It makes it more convenient to love by the sea.”

“If it was going to end up like this… why did we make such a fuss about it?”

“If anything happens, be sure to contact me, okay? Charge your communication equipment frequently, and hide it somewhere Tonowari doesn’t know about.”

“Ralph will come to see me anyway. It’s okay.”

(Y/n)’s colleagues were worried about her as she prepared to leave with a bundle of luggage loaded onto the helicopter. She tried to reassure them one by one, as she didn’t want them to be so concerned. However, a large, distracting sea Na’vi kept hovering around her, unable to sit still.

“Just come and hold my hand. Don’t worry about what others think.”

“Okay…?”

They all must have been glaring at Tonowari, who they didn’t and couldn’t trust. Ralph, who had decided to go to the Metkayina regularly to check on her while delivering goods, said “I’ll keep a close eye on her.”

“Don’t worry, I’m going to be fine.”

“Yeah, that didn’t turn out so well last time,” he said and then prepared for takeoff as soon as Tonowari got into the helicopter.

The Na’vi silently held (Y/n)’s hand, who was sitting next to him, and then carefully brought it to his mouth with anxious eyes, as if he was about to press his lips against it. (Y/n) just smiled while looking at him.

After taking them to the reef clan, unpacking her luggage and reassuring Ralph, who kept gazing at Tonowari with a distrustful look, he spoke one last time with her alone.

“Even if nothing happens, please contact me every day, okay?”

──

(Y/n) sat down comfortably, but Tonowari couldn’t help but fidget and look around.

“Sit down, this is your home.”

“...Our home.”

She looked around the marui… It felt strange, because nothing had really changed since then.

“I brought some decorations, so I’ll put it over there.”

“Do whatever you want.”

“I’ll keep the experimental equipment here. Don’t touch it.”

“I understand.”

While she unpacked, (Y/n) suddenly let out a deep breath. Tonowari seemed to hesitate before asking.

“Do you regret it?”

“You?”

“I regret many things… but I don’t regret being by your side.”

“That’s fine, then.”

When she approached Tonowari and opened her arms as if asking for a hug, he wavered for a moment and then embraced her in a familiar way.

“Listen to me carefully. If you do something like that in the future, I really won’t ever forgive you.”

“That will never happen again.”

“And be sure to thank Maunan. She saved me.”

“Of course.”

Only then did (Y/n) actually hug Tonowari’s neck and gave him a light kiss.

“Now, let’s get back to bedecking our home.”

“...Yes, our home.”

(Y/n) acted awkward for a while and didn’t express their love as freely as before. The experience had clearly left scars, and (Y/n) sometimes woke up from her sleep and looked around to see if she was back on that rocky island. Each time, she was comforted by the warmth that embraced her and gave her solace.

(Y/n) thought that was enough.

Normal – Na'vi

Italics – English

Vocabulary list: olo’eyktan (clan leader), marui (pods built in the giant mangrove-like trees alongside the shores and are protected from crashing waves by giant reef barriers), tsaheylu (bond, neural connection), tsurak (skimwing), tsahìk (head shaman, high priest, interpreter), ikran (mountain banshee), pa’li (direhorse)

[reborrowing]

curses and confession, part 1 (Stranger Swap)

okayyy this has gotten past 6k and I really want to post so I'm just gonna slice it up since my chapters are usually ~2k anyways!

next | Stranger Swap masterpost Hollow deals with a witch after having an unprecedented close call while checking in on his sibling (probably read that first if you havent!) word count: ~1.8k contains: angst, fear, survivor’s guilt, self-loathing

Hollow

The property behind Glenwood Court apartments had an old, dilapidated shed that the owner mostly used for storage, when they remembered it exists at all. Amid all their junk and forgotten landscaping tools lived an unusual little man named Ely, though most who knew of him referred to him as the garden witch. 

He was a borrower by most metrics: small, secretive, and prone to hoarding any trinkets left unattended. He had a tail and the same sharp hearing you would expect a borrower to have. But he was also quite visibly something Other. Ostentatious, absolutely out of line with a borrower's instinctual pull towards the shadows. He had a love of light and glitter that accentuated the pair of iridescent wings that hung limply down his back. And the tallest borrower he’d ever met had still only been at eye level with his chest.

Most borrowers were afraid of him. Of course they were, they were such a naturally skittish people. But they had good reason to come visit him anyways. Ely was a miracle worker. Something out of a children’s story. A magician. A witch.

He had clients come from all over the neighborhood, maybe even further corners of the city, because he made trades no one else could. The last of your rice for a cloak you lost a decade ago. A secret for a pinch of luck exactly when you needed it most. Give up a warm enough memory and never go cold again. Odd trades for small impossibilities. The prices didn’t always make sense up front, but they always worked out in the end. He didn’t give out anything for free, Hollow had seen that much. 

She watched with a fascinated sort of disgust as the witch molded a stranger’s words into physical paste with a practiced hand. The stranger walked off with a handful of dust and a smile they tried to swallow when they noticed someone was looking.

The witch called Hollow forward. She swallowed nervously and took a seat on a hackysack across from the small giant. The shed was silent for a few seconds as Hollow tried to remember what it was she had planned on saying. 

“You’ve been here before, haven’t you?” the witch said through a thoughtful expression

“Ah, yeah. I–a couple times,” she said. Chai had dragged him here for a sleep aid during the pregnancy, and again shortly after Sunny was born for a sleep alternative.

“I almost don’t recognize you without the piebald. Are they alright?”

“Xe’s fine, I’m not here for…xe doesn’t know I’m here,” Hollow said.

The witch raised a brow as his lips bent into an impish smirk. Hollow tensed as she leaned forward like some housewife gathering gossip. 

“Making trouble, are we? Or are we planning a surprise? I promise I’m quite good at either, for the right price,” he said.

“It’s nothing to do with xem, I just had some questions. About magic. Just questions, I don’t need you to cast…it’s about something I saw happen to someone else. Um, my sibling. Val? I wanted to know, how…did you trade with them?”

The witch drummed his fingers contemplatively against his work table in a quick rhythm, then shook his head. He didn’t remember anyone by that name.

Hollow bit her lip as he worried about where else magic might come from, but he wasn’t entirely surprised. The shed was next door and Val had never exactly been the adventurous sort. Not that Hollow knew about, anyway. She could hardly imagine them climbing through the fence. Although lately, every time she tried to imagine much of anything about her sibling, she fell back into nightmares about Val’s hands punching through the colony walls and burying her in rubble or…or worse. 

“Then, do you know where else they could’ve found magic? Or, however you say that. Bargained for it,” Hollow said.

“Other magic? There’s plenty, if you know how to look. I can’t say I know of many others in the area with my level of expertise, but I can ask around. What is it you think you saw?”

“I know what I saw, I’m not stupid.” Hollow said tersely. She glanced around to be sure there was no one who might overhear. “They were huge. Human.”

“Human,” the witch echoed doubtfully. Several seconds passed as the witch considered Hollow’s claim. 

“You saw this? Were they…solid, do you know? Real?”

“They threw me across the cupboard, so yeah, I’d say they were real,” Hollow scoffed.

“How curious.”

The witch smiled and golden wire bangles clattered down his wrist as he abruptly stood up to jump up onto the next shelf. His wings flared for a second, catching the candlelight, even though the jump onto the bracket was low enough that Hollow could’ve easily cleared it. She fidgeted with the frayed edge of his sleeve, not sure if she was supposed to follow. She didn’t really want to see the witch’s full collection of eccentricities.

There was a cluster of thumps overhead as Ely fumbled with whatever it was he was doing. It sounded like a bag full of pebbles, or maybe marbles. Some nonsense. Hollow hated believing in this shit, that someone could just break reality by waving their hands just wrong. There was enough to fear in the world without worrying about finding magic lurking in the shadows beside her.

The witch came back down a minute later, holding a book of scrap paper with messy stitches for binding. It was about half as tall as Hollow was, large enough to be awkward in even the witch’s hands. He sat on the floor and flipped through it, too fast for Hollow to try reading along, though she noticed there were a lot of symbols that weren't a part the alphabet she did know. A minute passed and Ely hmmed and shook his head, evidently there was nothing useful there for him either. 

“Did your sibling say anything about what had happened?”

Hollow fidgeted with her climbing floss. She felt the witch staring at him even without looking up. 

“I didn’t ask. We…didn’t talk. I just ran when they saw me. And then they…that was when they threw me. I wasn’t there long,” she said.

“When was this, anyway? You went and saw your sibling without speaking to them?” 

Hollow hadn’t spoken with Val since she had abandoned them—10 years, give or take. Even when Ritos had shown up with Val limping along behind him, Hollow had only been able to stare. They were a ghost back then and a monster now. What was she supposed to say?

Sorry I left you with her, but I was sure she was going to kill me. Sorry I didn’t come back, but I figured you’d be dead. I’m sorry I didn’t do more for you.

Please don’t hurt me. I’m sorry.

“I came here for answers, not to be questioned,” she said stiffly.

“Patience, dear. I don’t know any magic like what you’ve described, and wouldn’t it be nice if I didn’t waste time finding you answers you don’t even want?”

“What does it matter whether or not I talked to them?”

The witch took a seat beside her as if they were two close friends instead of near strangers. Hollow flinched as one of Ely’s long fingers tilted her chin so the two were making eye contact. Unnatural. Everything about this man was unnatural.

“What does it matter? If you’re not on speaking terms with your sibling, what does it matter what magics they play with in their free time? Why are the answers so important that you’ll come out and deal with me?”

“It’s dangerous. Them, I mean, or…if they’re h—if they can pass themself off as human like that, they could come after the colony just like any real human. I don’t need to explain why that’s a problem, do I?”

“Fear? Then why waste time coming to me for answers? Your council has its ways to deal with threats, doesn’t it? Even humans,” Ely said. 

“I don’t know if I want them…dealt with. I don’t know where they’d even go or…”

“So what do you want from me?” the witch asked.

“Answers. I want to know what’s going on,” Hollow said stubbornly. 

“Yes, and I don’t have your answers on hand. How I go about finding them depends on why you want them. It will be a lot more work if you’re looking to imitate whatever spell they’ve used.”

Hollow’s face flushed—she’d thought about it. She assumed everyone imagined being human now and then, even if they didn’t talk about it. Who wouldn’t want to know what the world really looked like from human eyes? And Hollow had a list of giants she’d love to confront face-to-face if given the chance: that girl, the leafblower asshole, the gardener, the dog owner across the street, the miniature maker…but it was a daydream. If this sort of thing was real, then dreaming about that sort of violence could invite it. She didn’t really want to fight every other giant that had ever inconvenienced her, even if she could do it without getting hurt. Aggression was their game. 

“I just want to know what happened.”

Ely tilted his head. He looked unsatisfied, like a cat whose prey managed to get out of reach. Hollow looked back down at her lap and took a breath. She didn’t talk about this. She tried not to think about it. There was no good to come of it, just crushed feelings and guilt.

“And…I, yeah, I worry about Val, too. I’m afraid of what they might have gotten themself into. I want to know if they’re…okay. It’s hardly a sin that I care about my sibling, is it?”

It felt like a sin. How dare she? After everything she had failed to do, how dare she claim to care? She’d abandoned them to a horrible fate and then lied about it so no one would find out what she’d done.

“Maybe this was a mistake,” Hollow muttered. 

Ely rubbed her back and for a split second, Hollow felt like a child getting pulled into her mother’s lap after a bad day. And then the overlarge borrower inhaled deeply, almost dreamily, and Hollow pulled away.

“I do love a good confession,” Ely sighed, “Even when the truth is so...plain. You’d likely be better going back and talking to Val yourself, but I’ll see what I can find out, without harming your sibling. Is this agreeable?”

“What do you want from me in exchange?”

Ely smiled, toothy as any predator. Hollow stood up to put at least a few centimeters of distance between them. 

“Don’t worry about payment. I enjoy an excuse to research with my kin and…this has been even more pleasant. I should have some sort of answer for you after the full moon, but you’re welcome to return any time if you need anything else.”

Hollow shook the witch’s hand to seal the deal, then hurried off the shelf. She didn’t want to spend a second more than necessary in that wretched shed.

~

taglist: @da3dm @whumpsday

[tnystrk-exe]

Estocolmo 3

Hannibal x Reader

Masterpost

First Chapter

Warnings: 18+ thigh riding, in a public setting, degration, cockwarming

Word count: 6k

Chapter Three

Maybe you hadn’t thought through about going to Hannibal’s dinner party. In the moment you had just missed the sound of his voice. His touch… Okay, you were motivated by other things than how much fun you would have at this little dinner party of his.

However you had to pull a lot of strings and work extra shifts, just so your bosses would even consider letting you off for a couple days. You were a valuable worker, one that would damage them to lose, but pettiness didn’t know any bounds. The stress was adding up. Still you trudged through it all. Not one to ever want to end up on Hannibal’s bad side.

You didn’t like making the perfect, polite ones angry. Loud anger you could handle. You were used to it. Quiet anger was just upsetting. He’d be upset you let him down, but he wouldn’t say it right. A soft sigh followed by a half meant it’s okay would probably be the most he’d give you. Disappointing him was a no go.

“I can’t wait for you to leave.”

“You’re so good at making me feel loved.”

“You know I do!” She laid back in your bed, arm’s comfortably behind her head, “But since you planned yourself a date. I did too.”

You grabbed clothes and threw them into a small duffel bag. “The chick from work?”

“God I wish. Can't work up the courage.”

“Don’t tell me you called up Reggie,” you laughed.

“Don’t tell me you got called up by Hannibal,” she mocked your voice. “Look! We’re a team! You can get dicked by someone that doesn’t deserve you. And I’ll romance a very pretty woman the entire weekend.”

“When is she getting here?”

“I’m shooting the text the second you’re out that door.”

You sighed, “You replace me so easily.”

“Oh baby,” she cooed, “Remember who’s leaving who.”

“A couple of days. You could be lonely for a few days.”

Alex walked you out. Stressing that you had to text her throughout your drive. It was only a three hour drive, but a lot could happen within that time.

All in all it wasn’t a bad trip. Monotonous without your usual partner in the passenger seat, but not bad. Your nerves bit at you. Hannibal’s social presence really was everything to him. Your head ran though countless ways you could mess up the night. Ultimately you wouldn’t, you knew that, but your brain sure did like to torture you with the idea.

“Everything will be fine,” you told yourself as you parked alongside the manor. Staying in the car for a moment you built yourself up. It was Hannibal. He knew about your home life. How you took your coffee. The things you’ve allowed him to do to you. Probably some understanding of things that he hadn’t done to you yet. A knock on your window pulled you out of your thoughts.

Opening the door you got out of the car.

“You weren’t thinking of running away, I hope,” Hannibal greeted.

“I wasn’t. Nerves,” you admitted. “It’s usually just the two of us, y’know…”

“Darling,” he scoffed, adjusting a piece of your hair, “I have no doubt in my mind that my companions wouldn’t adore you as much as I do.”

You moved to grab your bag, only for Hannibal to immediately take it from you. “You say that now, but that’s only because you’ve become accustomed to that certain charm I have at three in the morning after a night of studying. I’m not sure I can be as adorable to all of your friends.”

“Anyone that thinks otherwise has no place in my home.” Hannibal grabbed your hand in his own, leading you to the manor.

Once the front door closed, he wasted no time pulling you close. The kiss was long and rough. Both attempting to make up for lost time in the limited minutes you had. A soft moan from you made him press you against the door, the bag that had been in his hand long forgotten. His hand pressed lightly against your throat as he pushed a knee in between yours.

It was a long while before he pulled away. He rested his forehead against yours. “I’ve missed my favorite plaything,” He spoke into the shared air, “You’ve been away so long.”

“Your favorite?” You asked, looking at him dazed.

He smiled, mischief in his eyes. “I’d wager they couldn’t kiss you so well you’d look at them like they hung the stars after.”

“I do not!”

“Of course you don’t, darling.” He picked up your bag. “Come, we should start getting dressed.” You followed Hannibal up the stairs to his room. Apparently yours too, at least for the next couple of nights, since he emptied the contents of your bag into an empty dresser drawer. “You’re more than welcome to explore if you do get uncomfortable. I know meeting a sea of people can feel overwhelming.”

“I’m just afraid I’ll be out of place.”

“You’re exactly where I want you to be,” he disappeared into the walk-in closet, “The other’s are decent enough people. However, it makes sense that such divine beauty doesn’t fit in amongst commoners. I’d never dream of you finding yourself their equal.”

You walked over to examine the drawings he had hung on the wall next to his bed. “I’m not sure I’m worthy of such high thought.”

He came back, placing the suit and dress onto the bed. Standing behind you, he wrapped his arms around you, resting his head on your shoulder. “I really do mean it, beloved. You’re strong and intelligent. As much as I’d like to, you won’t allow me to pull strings and help you. That’s more than most of the crowd coming over tonight. They haven’t faced hardships like yourself and I. Don’t allow yourself to be treated less than and, please, tell me if anyone makes you feel that way.”

You turned your head, kissing his cheek. “I’m not sure I believe it, but I’m grateful for the thought.”

“I simply must make it my mission to prove it.” He inhaled deeply, “You’ve changed your perfume?”

“I liked the one you bought,” you said simply, getting out of his arms, you looked at the dress he had gotten you. The piece of fabric was easily the most expensive thing you owned now. It didn’t match his suit, but the two certainly complimented each other. “You really didn’t have to.”

“I want to,” he went to open another dresser drawer, pulling out a small box, “Consider it all a graduation present. You worked hard and deserve a reward for it. We didn’t get a chance to see one another before you left.”

“You’ve had these since then?” You asked.

“Of course. How could I resist an opportunity to find you a gift? And with Alex so graciously allowing me to buy you a dress, I figured tonight would be a wonderful time to give you your gift.” He opened the jewelry box.

“Hannibal,” you gasped quietly, the jewelry glimmered brightly, “It’s beautiful.” Usually you weren’t one for objects, but this was also the most thoughtful thing you’ve ever received. Hannibal had taken the small bits he knew of you and picked out the perfect pieces of jewelry for you. It was the feeling of being known so well that made it special.

“The second I saw this set I couldn’t help but think of my darling girl. Would you like me to put the necklace on you now?”

You quickly shook your head, “After I get dressed, please. I wouldn’t want to risk dirtying it while I’m getting ready.”

“In that case, I’ll show you where you can get ready.”

You grabbed the things you needed to make yourself look presentable and followed Hannibal to the bathroom. To your surprise he started to undress after he hung up his suit and your dress. You shrugged it off and set your stuff on the counter, you were more than comfortable with him and you and Alex had taken to doing similar in your cramped bathroom early mornings. The shower turned on while you took out your makeup. His humming filled the otherwise quiet room.

When you were pleased with how your makeup looked, you moved on to fussing with your hair. The shower shut off and your eyes wandered briefly in the mirror. You watched the show as he dried off his chest and followed the towel up as he dried his hair. He caught your eye, brow raised, you shrugged and sent a wink his way.

You got undressed, tossing your clothes in the hamper as you did. Walking over to the dress you felt the fabric between your fingers, studying the intricate pattern that was sown on to it.

“You don’t like it, darling?” Hannibal asked as he buttoned his shirt. “There’s another in the closet, but I was hopeful you’d like this one. You'd look stunning.”

“Admiring,” you stated simply, “Wait there’s another?”

“There’s a show, I’d like to see tomorrow. I figured it could be an outing for us.” He checked himself over before styling his hair. “This is ‘Making it worth my while’ as Alex said.”

“Han, you know better than to listen to Al.” You sighed, “I’m grateful, I honestly am. It’s just embarrassing. I really can’t give you anything in return.”

Hannibal came over to you, holding one of your hands in his. “They’re simple trinkets of my affection. In the end they all mean nothing. YN, you grace me with your presence and time, which is something that can never be repaid in form. I hold you dearly, your time is more than I deserve.”

You stood on the tips of your toes kissing him gently. There was all the time later for a rougher touch. Now you just wanted to feel him pressed close against yourself. A brief flick of thought asked if you really wanted this to just be a fleeting thing between friends. Pulling away, you gave him one final kiss to the side of his mouth.

“You’re allowed to give me one gift a month,” you teased, as you grabbed his tie and set to work on tying it for him. “You’re not my sugar daddy, as much as Alex wishes you were.”

“And you’re welcome to set as many rules as you’d like when it comes to this. However, what’s forcing me to follow them?” His hands grazed along your sides, “We both understand who makes the rules, don’t we little one?”

The part of you that had become accustomed to that particular tone, faltered slightly. “Hannibal, we’re not always in sessions,” you reminded him as you tightened the tie, “You can’t just have your way.”

“Why not?”

You shook your head, annoyed, “Or you can do what you’d like. It’s your wallet after all.”

“I’m sorry,” he apologized immediately, “I don’t want to offend you.”

You let it go, there was no use to fight over this. “It’s okay, you’re only teasing right?”

“May I please see you in the dress?” He asked, lightening the mood.

You turned, returning to the piece of elegant fabric. Carefully you pulled it on. He really was excellent when it came to fashion. The dress hugged the right places and accentuated everything wonderfully. Hannibal stepped behind you once again. Zipping the back for you, his fingers trailing up as he did. Carefully, he moved your hair to the side as he fixed the necklace in place. Dipping his head down, he kissed that spot on your neck he had quickly learned turned you to putty in his hands. You leaned against him, angling your neck to give him better access as a soft moan escaped. His teeth grazed gently against your neck, he seemed to toy with the idea of making a mark before backing away. As much as he’d enjoy to see it blossom, he knew you had many first impressions to make.

You whimpered at the loss of contact. Suddenly realizing just how much you had missed him.

“I know, little one,” he sighed, pressing a kiss on the side of your ear, “but we have a night to get through. After this, I belong to you. We will have all tomorrow for each other.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

-

The dinner party was beautifully done. Of course it was. Hannibal never spared any expense, let alone when he was trying to impress. He had introduced you to a couple people, they were nice enough, but you just couldn’t find a connection with them. You definitely steered clear of Bedelia. That woman was intimidating to a whole other degree. Definitely someone you could actually see Hannibal going after. You wondered why he didn’t.

An hour into the dinner party, you slipped away. He had said you could explore and honestly, without him you weren’t much for conversation. You had already gotten a snide look for saying you worked at a bar on nights, but they didn’t hold much interest for you either. All the conversations you had heard were meaningless droning. People constantly trying to one up another or bragging about something new they acquired or some business deal.

So it was safe to say no one noticed your absence. Well maybe one extremely observant man.

You found yourself in his library, taking residence in a nook next to a window. Hannibal’s sketch book in your lap as you looked over his drawings. Each drawing looked like he must have spent hours on it. You marveled at his talent, watching the range go from almost romantic to grouesome. Some things could be recognized as his take on art pieces, and landscapes, while others seemed to be originals. The originals were darker in nature, but you supposed it made sense. He saw death as something comforting and could be considered beautiful. Of course it would translate into his pieces.

The door opened, revealing the man that occupied your thoughts at the moment. “Is everything alright, darling? No one bothered you, I hope.”

You smiled up at him. “I’m fine. I just wanted a break, I’m getting a little bit of a headache.”

“Oh?” He touched your forehead with the back of his hand, “Are you feeling well?”

“I’ll go back in a moment,” you promised himas you brought his hand down to press a peck onto it, “Go enjoy your party.”

“They can keep themselves entertained for a while.”  He took a seat next to you, pulling you to rest against him. “I could use a moment too.”

You couldn’t stave off the smile that played on your lips to get to have him to yourself. He made you feel comfortable and honestly you were out of your element at this party. Hannibal rested his head against the wall. That left his neck vulnerable and you couldn’t resist placing a kiss on it.

“Why must you insist on acting up when we are alone, darling girl?” He hummed quietly, his hand entertained itself absentmindedly drawing things on your thigh.

“I missed you,” you insisted. “Not just like that. We used to spend a lot of time together.”

“It has been a long time. I’m sorry about that.”

“I had your number too. I’m not completely out of blame.”

“Well, you’ll find a way to make it up to me.” He tugged you closer, “You’re too far.”

You straddled one of his thighs, placing your hand on his shoulders. “I’m sure you have a couple ideas of how.”

“A couple.”

Leaning in you caught him in a kiss. His hand started to trail lower, you caught him by the wrist before he got to his destination, placing his hand back on your hip. With his original plan voided, he bounced his thigh against you, the hands on your hips helping you grind down. You couldn’t help the moan you let out. Letting him continue until you remembered the party happening not so far away.

“Hannibal,” you whined against his lips, “Not right now.”

“But you sound so sweet, darling, don’t mind them.” He continued his earlier assault on your neck, this time not thinking twice before sucking his mark onto it. “You look so beautiful tonight. I know you can give me one before we’re missed, you’re always so good for me. Don’t you want to be good?”

The growing lust clouded your judgement. Hannibal’s soft words and the gentle but perfect rhythm he was working on made it hard to find any reason to argue.

“Yes, daddy,” you sighed softly, “I want to be good for you.”

The door opened again, followed by a dramatic gasp, “Hannibal, having dessert before the rest of us?” The strange man eyed you, “Plan on sharing?”

Hannibal had been quick to tug down the dress that had rode up, keeping you safe from prying eyes. “Unfortunately, I’m not one for sharing. If you don’t mind waiting in the hall. I’ll meet with you in a second.”

“Oh, I’d much prefer to stay. Hello, what’s your name? Is Hannibal keeping you entertained?”

You hid your face against Hannibal’s shoulder, your face burning to the touch.

“Shy thing isn’t she, daddy?”

“I really must insist you leave now,” Hannibal said, the anger evident in his voice.

“Fine, killjoy.” You heard retreating steps and the door closed again.

“Of course out of everyone to find us it was the gossip,” he sighed to himself, dropping a kiss to the top of your head, “I’m sorry about that, love.”

“I told you not now,” you said, pulling away and going back to your seat beside him.

“I know. I’m sorry,” he kissed the back of your hand, “I thought we’d have a couple more minutes before someone looked for us, let alone find us. Let me handle this and then you’ll never see him again.”

You nodded. “Can I go to the room for the night? He made me feel… strange.”

“Darling,” he cupped your cheek, a sad look in his eyes, “this is your home more than anyone else out there. Don’t let him ruin the night for us. I’ll make sure he’s gone and stay by you the rest of the night. Does that sound okay?”

And true to his word he was, he had escorted the man out quickly once he found him. However the Gossip was apparently a fast worker, because a couple people did give you lingering looks. Though they were quick to save face if they so much as thought Hannibal noticed. Whatever they thought didn’t matter. You were two grown, consenting adults that enjoyed each other’s company, be damned what others thought. Throughout the night you kept telling yourself that, hoping to cut the embarrassment short. A couple times you caught yourself, thoughtlessly intertwining your fingers with Hannibal’s when you were less than sturdy. Each time he squeezed your fingers gently, quiet reassurance that he was there for you.

-

You woke up the following morning. Hannibal was still asleep beside you, it must have been early. He looked sweet in the mornings. Relaxed, not as stiff as he usually was, his hair sticking up in places he’d immediately flatten out once he woke as he greeted you with that deeper more accented voice that accompanied the mornings. You pressed a kiss to his chest, before carefully removing the arm that was sprawled across your stomach.

Looking at the clock, you considered the time. There was enough if you worked quickly. Standing up, you grabbed one of your shirts and shorts. After freshening up, you made your way down to the kitchen.

It was different. You hadn’t toured much of the home, let alone know where anything was, but you gathered your bearings fast enough. The things you needed had been placed somewhat similarly to his old home and you set everything onto the counter. Protein scramble, fruit, and pancakes seemed like a good option today. The pancakes, he had taught you to make when you asked where the box mix was and obviously he wouldn’t stand for you not knowing how to make something so simple from scratch.

Your phone played music as you set to work, washing the used dishes along the way so there wasn’t too much of a mess.

As you were plating the food, you heard Hannibal call out your name.

“Kitchen!” You called out.

He was quick to meet you, “Darling, I could have made you breakfast. You should have stayed in bed with me.”

“I couldn’t sleep any more and you looked too sweet to wake,” you poured two cups of coffee and prepared them to both of your liking, “Figured why not play domestic for a while.”

“How did you like it?” He asked, walking over to take the cup from you.

“Eh well you know, the domestic life,” you shrugged, feeding him a cut strawberry, “I like to let my partner sleep in on Saturday’s and make them comfort breakfasts. Sometimes they ruin breakfast in bed by coming down too early, but what can you do?”

He chuckled around the bite of strawberry, “I’m sorry, beloved. I’ll stay put next time.”

“Yes, you will.” You stood on the tips of your toes to press a chaste kiss to his lips. “But I’m not too angry at you. I enjoy your company.”

His fingers toyed with the hem of your shirt. “Aren’t you usually sporting my shirts on these mornings?”

“I didn’t want to ruin one of them.”

“You couldn’t ruin a thing if you tried. I’ve got more than enough for you to steal away when you go back home too.”

“I only took them, because someone made a habit of messing up my shirts.”

“And your reasoning for keeping them, little one?” He grabbed the plates, “Come along, the mornings have been wonderful recently.”

You grabbed the cups. “You should’ve come and picked them up the same way I had. It’s your own fault they aren’t back where they belong.”

The afternoon was spent in each other’s company. Hannibal had insisted he’d wash the remaining dishes and asked you to pick up his sketchbook and pencils from the library since you were going to find yourself something to read. You did as asked, before returning outside. Setting his things on the table, you went to go sit in a sunny spot of grass.

It wasn’t long until Hannibal rejoined you outside and took a seat.

You glanced up curiously after a while, he was sketching away.

“Anything I can do for you, beloved?” He asked, not looking up from his work.

“Just watching.”

He hummed in response.

Some unease settled in your stomach when you remembered why exactly you were over here. What was the harm in voicing it? “Hannibal?” You waited until he looked up at you, “You’re okay that we haven’t slept together yet? I mean… I know that’s why I am here.”

It was true, the lingering looks you had gotten at dinner, paired with the small embarrassment of realizing one of Hannibal’s love bites got to bloom in front of them all threw you off at night. You had tried to let yourself go, let him have control of you for a while, but you couldn’t go past taking off some clothes and letting your hands feel the other. He didn’t mind when you didn’t want to do more. Always the gentleman. Instead he settled you against his chest, an arm keeping you close, quiet conversation and long breathtaking kisses filled the night.

“I’m not one of those little boys you’ve found,” he stated, seeming to be mildly offended, “I enjoy our quiet moments just as much, if not more. Sex is something else we could do together, nothing more. It’s not everything, little one. You’re not here for that purpose. What I enjoy is your company and I’ll take it any way you give it.”

You tilted your head looking at him closely, he mimicked you, narrowing his eyes at you playfully. That made you laugh softly, you decided he was being honest and not covering up his disappointment with sweet words. Patting the grass next to you, “Sit with me.”

“YN…”

“Please?” You asked, sweetening the pot with a pout.

He shook his head but gathered his things, soon joining you. Resting your head on his shoulder you looked at what he was sketching. The scene was you at the present moment. Half faced toward him, book in hand, completely relaxed, and more perfect than you ever dreamed of being.

“That’s an exaggeration, I’m not that beautiful.”

“That’s where we must differ, my love,” he kissed your temple, “Try as I might I’ll never be able to draw you with the dignity you deserve. It’s a poor imitation of the way I perceive you.”

“You’re a ridiculous man,” you said fondly, “Though I suppose I’d like to keep you around a while longer.”

“Suppose” he scoffed, “ You’d be lost without me.”

You stuck your tongue out at him childishly and went back to your book.

-

“Darling, I do adore when you take care of yourself, but we’ll be late if you don’t hurry,” Hannibal said, leaning on the bathroom’s door frame already dressed for the outing.

“It’s not my fault you always manage to get the bath perfect,” you groaned, getting out of the bathtub.

Hannibal walked over, grabbing a towel on his way. “I’ll run you another later.”

You took the towel, drying yourself off. It was nice to see a rare impatient Hannibal. There was more to that calm and collected demeanor he usually had. “You’re cute when you’re excited about something. Where are we going?”

“I got us tickets to the opera.”

“Really!” You lit up at that. When he talked about the shows he had seen before, he’d get so much more animated. It would be nice to experience one with him. “Which one?”

“Die Entführung aus dem Serail,” he answered, taking you in with a smile, “but darling, your excitement may go to waste, I’m afraid.”

“I’ll be quick!”

With you keeping your promise and Hannibal’s quick driving, it didn’t take anytime to make it to the opera house. There was time to spare and Hannibal socialized a bit, introducing you to other regulars. You exchanged pleasantries and let Hannibal control the conversation as you looked around the place. Some people you recognized from last night. One person you saw nod towards you whispering something to his companion.

“I didn’t think he’d be one for cradle robbing,” you caught the man say, as he eyed you up, “Lucky man. Reckon I could steal that little piece away?”

You subtly moved closer to Hannibal, feeling the heat rise to your face.

Hannibal turned his attention to you when the others started talking amongst themselves. “Are you alright?” He asked quietly, tucking away a strand of your hair that fell out of place.

“Yeah. I’m great,” you lied, knowing he’d probably take offense to any minute comment made about whatever kind of relationship the two of you had.

“Are you certain?” The tone of voice saying he knew you were hiding something. He always seemed to read you so easily. In that he knew you’d continue to deny anything. “Would you like to go to our seats now? The show should start in a couple of minutes.”

“Yes, please.”

Hannibal grabbed your hand in his, leading you away from the crowd. To your surprise he took you to a private balcony above the rest of the audience seating. “Since, it’s your first time, I figured privacy would do us well. No distractions,” he paused for a moment, “No one to get into that pretty little head of yours.”

“I just don’t enjoy all the looks and comments,” you sighed, allowing him to pull you down onto the seat with him. “I love spending time with you. It’s just soured by people that don’t mind their own.”

“It’s not ideal, but we mustn’t let them ruin our nights. With this kind of community, people make assumptions and talk. Darling, I really do insist you tell me when someone makes you upset.”

“I know, I know. Guess I should have braced for it more. I’m just not used to these kinds of things. When we’re alone it’s easy to just exist together. Just us.”

“I understand completely. However, I do enjoy that we finally got to leave the house. You look absolutely breathtaking tonight.”

You smiled at that, “Well, you do seem to have an eye for what suits me.”

“That, I do.”

Leaning your head on his shoulder, you breathed the comforting scent of his cologne, “I’m sorry I let them get to me when we're supposed to be enjoying our time together. It’s not fair to you.”

“They get annoying,” he gave your thigh a gentle squeeze, “Of course you’d take offense for us. There isn’t much we can do besides understand that we’re here for the right reasons. Though, it does get under my skin to see you affected so under my care.”

Soon the crowd made their way to the seats and the lights dimmed to near black. When the music started Hannibal whispered translations into your ear. You got caught up in the story between watching the characters go through their woes and Hannibal’s gentle voice guiding you through every detail. It was easy to see what Hannibal saw at these events. They really were thrilling to watch. Still it wasn’t so much the show, but getting to know another side of the man in question.

You looked at the man beside you, a happy smile plastered on your face. “Thank you for bringing me, Hannibal.”

“Anything for you, my love.”

“Your love?” You challenged teasingly.

A couple times he had thrown around the pet name. You didn’t take it for much. He was a sweet, old fashioned man, you had decided to believe. A sweet nothing that neither of you minded. Still you couldn’t deny the slight softness you felt from the moniker.

“You’ve promised yourself as all mine before,” he reminded you, “and I take no issue in claiming what’s mine.”

“That was said when I was drunk on you.”

“Deny all you’d like, sweet girl, you’re still mine.”

Hannibal tilted your head up slightly to kiss you. You couldn’t find it in yourself to care about why the music crescendoed in that moment. Not when he was kissing you with more passion than you had ever felt. He had a way of making it feel like you were the only beings in existence. Hannibal bit at your lip, asking for more, and you gave it to him without a thought. You’d do whatever he wanted at that moment. Still you couldn’t help grabbing his wrist when his hand found it’s way up your dress. He swallowed the helpless moan that slipped past your lips greedily.

You pulled away from him, your hips grinding onto his hand on their own accord. “Hannibal, I-“

He hushed you, “You’re missing a very important part of the show.” His hand didn’t let up from its ministrations as he continued to translate for you.

You went to cover your mouth with your hand, but Hannibal stopped you short, placing it back at your side. A quick mummer of be good was all he offered, not once stopping the pace he had set. You choked back the moan when he pressed against a spot that had been long neglected since the last time you paid him a visit. The music being so loud was your only safe haven, still, you pressed yourself further into Hannibal, hoping to hide yourself further from any wandering eyes that might look away from the show. Embarrassment and lust built with every thrust of Hannibal’s fingers. The former was getting increasingly easier to ignore as Hannibal pulled you closer and closer to your end. Pressing your face against his neck, you bit at the skin there in a cheap attempt at revenge for what he was putting you through.

Hannibal’s fingers stilled. A quiet chuckle met your ear when he heard your whimper of protest, stopping your hips as you attempted to help yourself. “Such an easy thing to toy with, you're nothing more than my own personal whore.” He didn’t miss the throb around his fingers at those words. “You’d let me use you however I’d like wouldn’t you?”

You gave a lazy nod as he brought his fingers up to your mouth. Eager to please him, hoping he’d let you finish, you opened your mouth and sucked his fingers clean. Behind your back, you felt him working himself out of his pants. Taking his hand away he adjusted your dress higher before pulling you on to his lap. With his other hand the head of his cock teased your clit, you forced yourself not to complain, knowing he’d go on longer if you did. When he finally pushed into you, you couldn’t fight off the moan of contentment as he filled you completely. Turning your head, you caught him in a languid kiss, caught up in only him despite the performance going on.

“Please?”

“What do you need?”

“You.” You shifted your hips slightly, “May I please move?”

“I’m sorry, little one,” you caught the slight upward twitch of his lip when you looked at him in disbelief, “I’d rather use you at my leisure.”

You whined in frustration, leaning against him knowing he’d play a cruel game. This time he offered no translations, keeping you entirely focused on the feeling of him buried deep inside of you doing nothing to help relieve your need for him. When you did manage to distract yourself, he circled your clit and gave a few sharp thrust, just enough to bring you back where he wanted you. His hand continued, changing the rhythm every so often so you’d stay aware of your position.

“I’ll be so good,” you begged helplessly.

“And yesterday you had been so against it despite having our privacy in the library,” he reminded you, pushing in and out of you in a too slow pace, but at least he was moving, “What was it that was missing, hm? The audience that could look up and see me using what’s mine?”

You didn’t know what had changed. Not truely. Maybe it was the couple of glasses of wine you had drunk throughout the day. Perhaps it was just finally getting what you had wanted for so long. Honestly, you couldn’t find yourself to be curious enough to find out.

“I wanna cum,” you told him, swallowing the embarrassment.

“I don’t know, darling, you’ve tried to find comfort with others. I really can’t say I approve of the notion. Suppose, I could just use you for your worth and leave you dry.” He groaned into your ear as you clenched around him, he sped up his thrust, “There’s my good girl, you like the sound of that?”

“Hannibal, please,” you whimpered, “I’ve wanted you for so long.”

“Beg for it.”

“I’ll never look for anyone else again. It was so stupid to think anyone else could make me feel as good as you.” Your breath hitched when he struck deeper, “I've been so desperate for you.”

“That’s all so very sweet, but that’s not exactly what I want to hear.”

You whined quietly as you tried to figure out the right combination of words to get you what you wanted. “I’m just yours… No one else’s… You’re the only one, I’m so sorry…”

“See? Was it so hard to apologize for your misconduct?”

You shook your head.

He pinched your thigh. “Words, darling.”

“No, daddy,” you moaned, as his hands guided your hips to move with him, “But I’ll be good for you now.”

“I still don’t think you deserve to cum, you pathetic thing.”

“You’ll let me?”

Hannibal’s hand grabbed your jaw roughly, making you look at him. “Next time I won’t be so generous. Understood?”

You swallowed down the slight twinge of fear that had worked its way into your system. “Yes, sir.”

He pushed your face away. “Work for it yourself.”

Tag list: @charc0al-grey @songofcosplay

[kira-fluff]

Hey heyy, have you thought about writing another common trope headcanon / oneshot with the MysMe guys?

Because the “only one bed” was extremely good!!

Even if you decide not to do it, just know that your blog and your talent amazes me<3

a/n: Did you even have to ask??? OF COURSE IF YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME LOL thank you gorgeous <3 I decided to try putting it in a fanfic (one shot unless requested) format since it's definitely quite long and making a mini-series featuring those you request for me to include in my next fic or a pt2! :) also this is a slow burn and is quite spicy <3 Also, I did my best not to make it like the whole share the room thingy again!! ***I’m not fluent in French pls don’t @ me

Length: 6k lol 

A Series of Unfortunate Events Fake Dating - Jumin Han 

A sudden message beep surprised you, causing you to look down at your phone. It was a text message from Jumin: Call me.  Immediately suspecting the worst, you quickly pressed his contact, the number dialing in seconds. There was a few seconds that ran by before the other end answered with a curt, "Y/n."  "Jumin, hey, is something wrong?", you asked, worriedly.  "Everything is perfectly fine. I was calling to ask you a favor -- feel free to decline." Jumin never asked for favors, or your help in general.. you knew whatever it was you were determined to assist him in the best way possible. "Of course, Jumin! Anything."  There was silence for a moment as if he was contemplating whether or not it this favor was truly worth asking before he spoke, "Please decline if you are unable to but... I was wondering if you'd be willing to indulge my father. He's insisted that I bring you with me to our business closure."  "Jumin", you began, "I'd be honored. I'd love to!"  On the other line, there was a sigh of relief (or of worry, you weren't sure). "Mr. Kim will be at your apartment to pick you up tomorrow. The meeting is taking place in Monoco -- pack for a ten-day trip" There was a pause before Jumin breathed out a quiet, "Thank you."  You couldn't hold back your smile, thankful that the conversation was over the phone, making it impossible for him to see your dopey expression. He hung up, leaving you to pack. Your mind quickly wandered from what you needed in your suitcase to worrisome waters.  You and Jumin had a very deep friendship following the party you’d thrown, spending the time following the ginormous celebration to get to know each other. It warmed your heart that your newfound friend took so much joy in being with you -- even when he tried not to show it. You lost track of the number of times you ended up sleeping over at his penthouse after accidentally staying up until 4am talking with him, swishing expensive wine in your mouths.  You didn’t expect falling in love to come so easily. You were someone who was quite choosey with your partners -- you weren’t one to fall easily for anyone. Even in your past relationships that sometimes lasted years, you’d never felt the way your heart felt now that you were with him. And yet, you were best friends. You were sure you meant something to him in so far as friendship, but you had respected him when he’d gotten drunk one of the first nights he met you and spouted out his heart to you.. 

-  “Y/n, to tell you the truth.... I’ve never fallen in love before.” He gazed up at you lackadaisically from his position on the sofa -- head rested over the top of the sofa cushion, his arm lazily resting under his chin. He started at you for a moment, his gray eyes gazing into your own with a hazy, absent feeling in them.  You laughed, “I find that hard to believe.” You walked over to him, absent-mindedly running your fingers through his tousled hair. He let out a long, uncharacteristic sigh, his eyes closing gently.  You leaned in close to him, looking him in the eye. “Can I tell you something, too?” He nodded. “I haven’t either.”  -  You grinned at the memory. You firmly believed that conversation was what brought you and him together closer than ever before. He’d always found an excuse to call you over for the silliest of reasons. Either he needed a certain form that he was positive he accidentally slipped into your bag on accident and needed to see it first-hand to check, or he realized he’d bought more wine than was necessary for a night alone.  It made you smile for months that he couldn’t get out the words “I miss you” or “I want you to come over”. Even to you, the words sounded intimate.. but that was the way your relationship worked -- you were very close with each other, as two best friends ought to be.  Still, as much as you tried, you couldn’t control the way your heart began to constrict when he got especially close to you. You couldn’t help it when you’d shiver when he gently brushed cat fur away from your cheek. You were shocked that despite his perceptive personality, he didn’t seem to notice or acknowledge your deep blush during these interactions... maybe he was uncomfortable with them.... you hoped not.  There were times the air was knocked out of you. Literally. Once, you weren’t paying attention to the fact that the sidewalk had ended and you were walking straight into oncoming cars coming off the highway when a muscular arm slid around your waist and pressed your body flush to his own. You stared with eyes wide open at Jumin, who comically seemed equally surprised at his actions. You couldn’t help the way your eyes trickled down to his sultry lips, taking in their beautiful red-wine color, blooming like dark roses. Thankfully, he seemed too preoccupied with your current state of mind and physical wellbeing. When you finally managed to get your mind out of the gutter, you thanked him profusely, grabbing his hands impulsively and begging to reward him in some way. His answer surprised you, “I--uh-- a movie. I’d like to do more research watching one of those movies you enjoy watching.. for business sales and such.”  “Sure!! I can recommend anything! I’ll drop the email by your office tomorrow” you answered.  A panicked expression took over his face for a moment before returning to its familiar stoicism, “You won’t watch it also?” Your eyes widened in confusion before you answered hurriedly, “Oh! Yeah, I’ll watch it with you. I just wouldn’t want to bother you if you were doing it for work purposes.”  You could never bother me you thought you heard him say, but you couldn’t be sure.  Yep, you were in love with Jumin.  When you at last finished packing, you went to bed, looking forward to the mystery that befell tomorrow.  -  You rose bright and early to prepare for the exciting trip that was bound to come. You couldn’t help the extra bit of effort you ended up putting into your appearance in anticipation of seeing Jumin again and.. possibly sitting next to him on an aircraft.  Right on time, you received a text message from Mr. Kim, indicating that he had arrived at your apartment right on time. As you opened your apartment door to carry your luggage downstairs, you were met with numerous familiar faces of Jumin’s employees who quickly took your heavy luggage items for you. You thanked them, making your way to the elevator with them.  You texted Jumin: Thanks for the help with my luggage :)  In a matter of seconds, you received a reply, Jumin: You’re welcome.  Grinning down at your phone, you didn’t notice your driver's light chuckle, a look of astonishment in his eyes. These blind kids.  You continued to chatter along with Jumin on your phone, at last arriving at the rendezvous point where Jumin and the Chairman pulled in identical black limos alongside your own.  “Thank you, Mr. Kim. I can take it from here.”  Mr. Kim nodded in obedience, ushering you to go to Jumin. Jumin patted the leather seat next to his own in the sleek limousine. You held back a laugh, there were plenty of other seats open for you to sit.. but it warmed your heart that he wanted you right next to him. As friends. The Chairman joined the two of you, sitting across from his son, a mischievous glint in his eyes that only Jumin could recognize. A silent conversation took place between Jumin and his father -- Jumin beginning with a raised eyebrow. The Chairman replied with a sly smirk. Jumin with a scowl, his father with a growing grin. You watched the conversation continue silently before the Chairman at last spoke, “Jumin, my son, I’m overjoyed to see you’ve brought your Y/n with you.” A flash of annoyance crossed Jumin’s face as he said, “My... Y/n?”  You blanched.. of course the thought of you being his made him uncomfortable... but you didn’t think he’d be angry.  “Y/n, I’m glad you could join us. However, as much as I hate to ask this of you, there is something I desperately need from you.”  Before you could speak Jumin interjected, “Absolutely not.”  You caressed his hand, looking up at him with kind eyes, “Jumin, hey, it’s okay.” Looking toward Jumin’s father you said, “Whatever it is, I’ll do my very best.” Jumin’s jaw feathered a bit, but he said no more.  He grinned, “Aren’t you a kind girl. Well, in this business deal, the contract was originally contingent on Jumin marrying his daughter -- which I was against from the beginning. After all, I know the importance of loving the one you wish to be with.” (Jumin rolled his eyes at that.) “Anyway, I declined the offer.”  You were confused, unsure where your part came in.  As if reading your mind, he continued saying, “However, I perhaps let it slip that you two were engaged. I figured you both are so close with each other already, that it would be no issue to play a bit of husband and wife for the sake of business, no?”  Jumin was furious, his nose flared, jaw clenched with hands gripping his knee. “How dare--”  You glanced at him, biting the inside of your cheek, a worried expression painted your face. When he glanced at you, his eyes widened and his shoulders relaxed. This did not go unnoticed by the Chairman.  “We’ll do it, won’t we Jumin?” he looked surprised but made no objection. You leaned in close and whispered shyly, “I want to do something as thanks for this amazing trip.. and for you.”  - Jumin dared to swallow. For me? What the hell does that mean? You were driving him crazy. Every time he looked at you he had to fight to readjust his attention to something else. Does she know what it does to me when she touches me? Even a little bit?  When you’d put your hand on him, Jumin felt his chest and neck grow impossibly hotter, hotter than he’d been feeling when you’d first sat down next to him. Hotter than when you leaned in close and breathily asked him, “Jumin... how long until we’re at the airport?” It was like you’d drawn out every syllable, breathing out every consonant -- your breath tickling his neck. He imagined what it would feel like to have your plump, rosy lips on his neck, on his chest, on his lips, on his-- he was in over his head. He cursed himself for his lack of control. Usually, control was not an issue for Jumin -- in fact, he considered it one of his greatest strengths. From his leadership position in his father’s company, C&R, to his well-controlled temperament and stress management.. Jumin just didn’t do “no control”.  At first, it intrigued him. He could remember the exact day it hit him. He’d invited you to an elegant dinner his company hosted to celebrate (in a sort of “humble-brag” sort of way) yet another successful business closing with one of the biggest corporations in America. He’d been finishing off yet another glass of his new Domaine de la Romanee-Conti he’d bought when his eyes at last placed you at the front of the champagne server. His eyes raked up and down the soft, silk gown that clung to your body in all the right places. The gown hung loosely, exposing your back and most of your chest, a sultry slit separating one of your elegant legs from the other hidden in the fabric. It was a breath-taking emerald color... but all Jumin could really think of is how he’d take it off. Your hair was curled and done-up marvelously with little white pearls decorating the crown of your head like you had stars in your hair... but all Jumin could really think of was how he’d mess it up. His cheeks were on fire. Everything in his body had risen in temperature of what felt like a hundred degrees. He twirled his wine glass between his fingers before setting it down at one of the well-decorated tables. I must have a fever, he thought, that must be it. Your eyes found his person just as he was turning around to leave, speed walking to one of the penthouse balconies for fresh air. You raced after him or at least followed him as fast as your obnoxious heels allowed you to go.  You breathlessly met him as he was staring out into the night. Jumin realized that his temperature was slowly returning to normal. Perhaps the room was a bit suffocating. I’ll be sure to message Mr. Kim about increasing the air conditioning in the room. But... looking back on it now, Jumin knew he was lying to himself even then. Because, when he turned around he almost let out a shout. And his breath became uneven again, and it felt so burning hot all over again.  You slowly crept toward him, donning a concerned expression saying, “Jumin... are you alright?” Jumin backed into the marble railing. He was so eloquent normally but all he could let out then was a choked, “Fine.” He couldn’t take his eyes off you. Every step closer, he wanted to run. The stars were reflecting in your eyes and the moonlight made your supple skin look impossibly softer... You gently cupped his face and whispered, “Jumin, talk to me..? Please?” Jumin was heaving, looking down at you with rosy red cheeks and burning ears. “I--I think I have a... fever. A fever.”  You gasped, taking one of your hands and lightly grasping the back of his neck, pulling him down slightly. His eyes widened as you took your other cold hand and placed it on his burning forehead. “Oh my god! Oh my gosh, we -- ambulance! An ambulance.. a doctor? Or.. are you... drunk?”  “My room... please,” he begged.  You looked him up and down, examining his face for strain or discomfort. When you couldn’t find any, you let out a breath -- perhaps you’d overreacted. Nonetheless, you swung his arm over your shoulder and trudged through the now quiet dining area. Most had filtered out to the ballroom for dancing. You’d been here a million times, so remembering the way was no chore. You fished through his shirt and coat pockets, running your gentle digits across his chest, assuming the moan Jumin gave off was due to pain, still, a blush flushed your cheeks. “Sorry, I’m almost done.” You held him against the wall since at this point he couldn’t stand. Maybe I am a little drunk, he thought. You moved down to his pants pockets, your hands roaming through a business card and other odds and ends, eliciting another soft groan from Jumin. “Almost there...” you breathed, at last pulling out a key card and with a soft beep, opening his penthouse suite. You gently carried him to his bed before going to grab a glass of water and a cold washcloth. When one was placed on the table and the other on his forehead, you at last placed a warm throw blanket you’d found in his closet over him.  ...That memory became a source of numerous dreams. Jumin couldn’t forget it, no matter how many times he’d wished he wanted to (or wished it all to happen again).  - You gazed at him, looking at the way his expression hardened at times, softening and then suddenly switching to an expression you’d never seen before. What was he thinking about? You bit your lip, nervous that Jumin might change his mind upon meeting this woman his business partner wanted him to marry. She was certainly more beautiful, right? After all, Jumin hadn’t necessarily made any physical contact voluntarily toward you more than an occasional back rub in your asked after a long day at work, or if he got drunk while you two accidentally stayed up late -- then he’d sometimes caress your face with a love-sick expression and saying little things like, “You’re beautiful.” It was cute, for sure, but what drunk doesn’t turn into a soft puddle of goo, complimenting everyone around them?  You leaned into him as subtly as you could manage, closing your eyes to concentrate for a few minutes.  - You jumped awake when a deep voice rumbled in your ear, “We’re here.” You could hear the slight smirk in his voice, and sure enough, when you looked up, you saw a slight smile on his face. “Did you have a good dream?” You looked toward your left, thankful the Chairman was already out of the limousine and speaking on his phone to someone. “I--I had a dream?”  Jumin’s smirk stretched a little wider, “Yes. You said my name a couple times.”  Your eyes widened in shock before saying, “Oh! That dream! Yeah, I was dreaming that you were being eaten alive by bears and I was forced to watch!” God, you were such a bad liar. Jumin blinked. He felt sort of stupid. “Oh,” he cleared his throat awkwardly, “I see--”  Grateful for his gullibleness, you added, “Why, what did you think I was dreaming about?”  Jumin avoided eye contact saying, “Not anything in particular.”  A call for Jumin interrupted your conversation, making Jumin almost run out of the limo. You smiled a bit, a little flush rising up to your ears.  Jumin returned again, grabbing your hand. “This way,” was all he said. You followed him to the private jet that the Chairman was already boarding. You caught yourself staring at Jumin again as you followed him up the stairs to the entranceway of the cabin. Jumin smartly chose a seat far away from his father’s field of vision. He’d had enough of his unnerving looks when you’d fallen asleep on his shoulder, whispering things Jumin was beyond grateful only he could hear... at least he hoped. When you occasionally began to whine a bit louder he’d quiet you down by running his hands through your hair and stealing glances toward his father nervously saying, “A nightmare.” He wondered if he’d fooled his father, because the Chairman lightly chuckled and made his way to the passenger seat of the limo, sliding the privacy door shut. It had only gotten worse from there, you almost shouted his name, but he covered your mouth. Heat had been pooling in his stomach for a while now, but he didn’t know how much more he could take. Still, every time he thought of waking you up, you’d grab at his chest or legs,  effectively completely embolizing him.  You, of course, were unaware of all of this. You sat down next to him eagerly and wrapped your arm around his, pulling him close to watch a movie on the jet screens. It was almost 9pm by now, the night sky beginning to close in on the quiet aircraft. Neither of you could remember when you fell asleep, only waking up to the soft announcement of arrival from the pilot on the overhead and a soft blanket placed over the two of you.  You both groggily made your way to your waiting limousine to take you to the complimentary hotel stay at one of the chains owned by your expectant future business partner.  “Of course, I know you two are just friends.” The Chairman looked at you two before continuing, “So I have two hotel rooms, you’re 17 and you, Miss Y/N, are 18. I’m in master suite 3, so feel free to reach out whenever.” His eyes glittered as he said, “Have fun. Remember to act like a loving fiance! Especially you, my son." Jumin pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head in contempt.  You turned your head toward Jumin, “Um, well, I’m pretty tired as you could probably already tell,” you laughed uncomfortably, “so I think I’ll head off to bed.”  Jumin blinked a few times before saying, “I will as well. Goodnight, Y/N.” You whispered a shy goodnight in reply before slinking into your hotel room.  - You awoke the next day to a call from a maid outside your door - room service. You thanked her before diving into your waffles, complete with chocolate dressing, whipped cream, strawberries, and powdered sugar. A glass of orange juice was delivered along with various other breakfast options and a bowl of kiwi, dragonfruit, apple, watermelon, honeydew, and almost any other fruit you could think of. Following your delicious breakfast, you padded over to the bathroom, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes and running the shower. Going through your morning routine helped calm you despite the role you weren’t at all prepared to play in just a few hours.  You jumped at the knock at your door. Looking through the peephole, it was Jumin. Flinging the door open, you looked at him expectantly. You were met with silence other than a few “uh.... uh....”s. You looked at him sarcastically, “What?”  He continued to stare, not at your face, however. You laughed but quickly grew silent as you met his gaze. You were an actual moron. What. The. Fuck. You were still in your fucking panties?!?! You slammed the door shut, running to slip on some shorts you found lying on the ground in the bathroom. Taking a deep breath you gently opened the door this time. Jumin was standing still as a statue when he snapped out of his trance at last. He looked away, “Try not to be dressed. I mean STRESSED.” he sputtered, “I-I’m going to leave now--”  “Um, Jumin?”  He slowly turned around, face as red as a strawberry, “Yes?”  “Um, sorry. About before. Um. Do you-- do you want to get some coffee? I’m still waking up, if you couldn’t already tell,” you laughed nervously.  He smiled warmly, “I’d love to.”  You awkwardly nodded before shutting your door. You ran to your hotel bed and screamed into one of the pillows. You cursed under your breath before making your way to the bathroom once more to finish the makeup look you had begun before being interrupted.  After 45 minutes, you looked your outfit up and down. You packed outfits that were elegant -- you bought clothes that looked expensive but in the kind of way that was subtle. Nude tones and deep colors, specifically. You were aiming for a look that said, “I’m not rich, I’m just comfortable. And by that I mean I’m rich.” You were never insecure about the difference in your and Jumin’s paycheck.. but when you’re supposed to play a part. And if you showed up in your comfy joggers and t-shirt like you normally wore when you visited Jumin or were free from work.. you had a feeling their reaction wouldn’t be the most inviting or understanding.  At last, you stepped out of your room, turning left to knock on Jumin’s door. He beat you to it, opening his door unexpectedly. This caused you to instead lean forward from your momentum and place your hand on his chest. You hurriedly adjusted his tie, doing your best to act as if that’s what you’d meant to do all along.  Jumin appeared to be just as surprised, but grinned, “No leggings and t-shirt today?” You jabbed him with your elbow as you made your way to the coffee bar, “Do you think they’d be all welcoming to your soon-to-be wife if she showed up in lounge clothes?”  “I’ve never complained.”  You scoffed, “Yeah, well, that’s because you’re nice. And, you apparently understand that not everyone can live in a suit every day.”  He paused for a moment before mumbling slightly, “Who cares what they think anyway.”  “I do! I don’t want to let your dad down. I told him I’d do this. We’re in Monaco, Jumin! C’est la vie!” “Parles-tu français?”* “Oui..?”  Jumin chuckled darkly before leaning in, saying, “Tu es juste trop mignonne.”** You blinked before replying, “...oui...?” Jumin looked at you incredulously with a slight smile on his face as he laughed, lightly ruffling your hair.  Jumin ordered for you -- apparently, it was quite clear you only knew a few words in French. Unfortunately, he also paid for you, despite your objections. Before you could yank his platinum card out of his hands, the transaction was already complete. He gazed down at you, an eyebrow raised with a triumphant smirk, “Elle aura aussi beaucoup de crème dans son café.”*** “Hey, what are you saying?! Jumin!! Speak Korean or English or Japanese! Something I can understand!!” You complained.  The worker interjected, “C’est tellement agréable de voir un couple sur leur ‘oneymoon.”**** You instinctively interjected, “Oh, that’s not--!”  But Jumin just smiled and nodded.  Upon sitting down at one of the many open tables, you let out a little giggle, “I wonder what it’ll feel like when I’m on the real thing.” Jumin quickly looked up from his staring contest with his coffee, “Real.. what?”  You grinned dreamily, “Honeymoon.”  “You.. want to get married?” “Don’t you?”  Only to you, he thought. “Maybe. If the right person came along.” If you’d ever say “yes”.  You held back the nervous twinge you felt in your throat, “Alright then, don’t be shy. What’s your type?”  “My.. type?”  “Yeah! Like, your ideal girl.” He paused, looking pensively at you. “Well, then I suppose my ‘type’ is a girl who is beautiful, and smart, and pretty... and always makes me laugh. And is bold but also shy.” His eyes widened as he grew quiet, “...something like that.”  You were shocked. He said he’s never fallen in love before.. but it sounds like he already has some girl in mind. “Wow. You’ve... thought a lot about this.”  Jumin looked surprised at himself -- he cleared his throat, “Just some ideas.”  You were still skeptical but changed the subject, “So, what exactly does this whole ‘wifey’ thing entail?” “Most likely just a ring on your finger and a fake smile.” “Oh come on, there’s more to it than that.”  “I’m sure my father has the details.” As if on cue, his phone chimed. “Ready to head out?”  “Yep!” You weren’t entirely sure, but you were beside yourself with nervousness and a bit of excitement. If you can’t have the real thing, you shouldn’t complain about a chance to fake it, right? And sure, you knew it was much more complicated than that -- what if he realized your true feelings?! ...You shook the thoughts out of your head and made your way to the waiting vehicle outside of the hotel. - “Monsieur Lorenzi! Good to see you!” The Chairman shook hands with who you assumed was the boss. “Let me introduce to you my son, Jumin, and his beloved fiance, Y/n.” You waved, smiling despite the twang in your heart. You and Jumin shook hands while Mr. Lorenzi introduced you to his daughter.  “It is so nice to meet you! This is my daughter, Ginevra.”  Immediately, you sized Ginevra up -- and she does not look happy. “So.. you’re the bitch who stole Ju-Ju from me?” “Ginevra! Be polite, please?” Mr. Lorenzi practically begged her, but she wasn’t budging, “Oh, come on. Their ‘engagement’ hasn’t even been released to the press yet!”  You looked worriedly between Jumin and Ginevra, but Jumin lovingly put his hand over yours, a soft smile on his face, “I’ll handle this, sweetheart.” He couldn’t help himself and lightly pecked your cheek, smirking into the kiss when he heard you elicit a small “oh!” Facing the irate woman, though, Jumin smiled in a way you’d seen him smile when he wasn’t particularly...happy.. about something. “Miss Ginevra, I can assure you Y/N and I are completely in love. She is my fiance, after all. That being said, we decided not to alert the media because we wanted our own privacy until the wedding.”  Ginevra scoffed, “Please. You barely even look like you’re dating. Face it, I know you want me, Jumin.” She bit her lip in a way that was supposed to be seductive, but Jumin couldn’t hold back the slight cringe that crept onto his face.  “T-that’s enough Ginev--”  “God! Shut up, Dad!  Mr. Lorenzi backed down at that, looking apologetic and embarrassed toward the Chairman and Jumin, and especially toward you.  You were growing tired of the entire conversation, “Shall we sit down?”  All except Ginevra agreed readily, the Chairman coughing in a way that sounded more like a laugh he was trying to conceal. Jumin's jaw clenched when he sat next to you, to your left and Ginevra quickly sat in the seat to his left. The meal went as well as expected. Jumin's father recognized that Jumin had his hands full and spent the majority of the dinner talking business with Mr. Lorenzi without his son.  Meanwhile, you were awkwardly playing with your filet mignon, avoiding eye contact with everyone until Jumin leaned his face down to your avoidant eye level. You snapped out of your trance immediately. You looked up at him -- his eyebrow was raised with an inquisitive expression. Okay, that was adorable. You held back your intruisive thoughts, blinking up at him, silently asking, "What is it?"  Jumin stared a little longer than necessary, before snapping out of his own trance and leaning in further and whispering in your ear, "...Are you alright?"  You nodded in reply, "Just a little uncomfortable."  Jumin gazed down at you in concern, "We can leave if you--"  "No. No, I'll stay." Who knows what that girl will do if I leave. He didn't look convinced.  Suddenly, Ginevra was calling for Jumin. Repeatedly. He turned in annoyance, "Yes?"  Her voice got low, clearly to exclude you from the conversation, "Let's go somewhere..." she looked Jumin up and down slowly, "...else.." And with no shame, she lowered a manicured hand to his knee, slowly trailing it up to his thigh. He immediately grabbed her wrist, saying in a low, deadly voice, "I have a fiance."  She sighed in frustration, "You're kidding yourself, baby--"  Jumin's eyes widened suddenly, and not due to anything Ginevra was saying. Your hand was high on his thigh as you leaned into the conversation you'd heard the entirety of. "Miss... whatever your name is.... Jumin is my husband. Soon. We have something you could never dream of every having because your personality sucks. And honestly, only you can fix that."  There was silence at the entire table for a moment before Ginevra turned her head quickly toward her father, "Daddy?!"  Her father had already gotten up, ushering the business conversation to continue rather than deal with his trainwreck of a daughter. She huffed, looking red in the face, perhaps in embarrassment as well as anger. "Well, you still can't prove that you're even dating!"  You very furious now, your glare cold enough to freeze the desert, "Is proof really the only thing that will shut you up?"  Before she could even answer, you geared your pissed off expression toward a semi-intimidated, semi-turned on Jumin and grabbed his face, meeting his lips with your own. Your kiss was meant to only last a few seconds at most, but when you tried to pull away, Jumin only deepened the kiss, pulling your face harshly toward his own. He tugged at your hair, earning a loud moan from you as he forced his flush lips further onto yours, his tongue gaining entrance into your mouth. His eyebrows were deeply knit into a consentrated expression, groaning as he felt you readjust your position onto his lap. You stradled his lap, a leg on either side of him, your tongues battling for dominance as you fished for air between you two. At last, you both parted, heaving in big breaths as a string of spit clung between your mouths -- only to go in for another searing kiss. You began to roll your hips against his own, gently at first but quickly gaining more momentum and roughness as you two continued to make out. You'd noticed his hard-on the moment you'd straddled his lap but it only grew as you two began to explore the other's body. And just like that, you realized you were still in a formal dining setting. With other people. You pushed against Jumin's chest, looking around you in a frenzy. Ginevra was long gone along with the Chairman and Mr. Lorenzi. It was just the two of you, it looked as if it was after hours for the dining here. Soft jazz still played melodically through quiet speakers. Your eyes met back again with Jumin. He was smirking, still breathing heavily, his eyes glowing with mischief and a clear message that said something you probably would blush saying out loud. You laughed a little at the sudden turn of events. Did he like you? You wondered. He made quick work of dragging you (because your legs turned into jelly) out of the dining hall and back to his hotel suite. Jumin hurridely opened his hotel door before slamming you against the wall and continued to kiss you furvently on your neck, chest and of course, lips. He began to grind on you, letting out a soft curse when you mewled in his ear. Both your cheeks were completely red from the heated exchange and the embarrassment that both of you felt at your candid feelings. Yet something still bothered you. You pushed him away with all the strength you had because he was just so addicting. "J-jumin.... wait..." You gasped between breaths, "...I-I don't do this sorta thing... for fun..."  Jumin frowned at this, his jaw feathering as he said darkly, "I don't either."  You shook your head, "No, Jumin... I mean... I-I......" You took a big breath of air, "I'm in love with you. Have, for long time... pretty sure you don't feel .... the same wa--"  Jumin's eyes narrowed as he dove in for another kiss with so much force that the air was nearly knocked out of you. "Y/N," he began, "Do you have any clue how much I've held back? Even now, do you know how hard it is for me not to pick you up and fuck you right here and now? Do you know how long--" He laughed sardonically, "Y/N, I swear you're doing this on purpose."  "Doing wha--" "Making me fall deeper and deeper in love with you! I'm already pass the point of no return. Hell, I've never felt a fraction of what you make feel in a moment... in my entire life."  You took a moment to really look at him. The expression of complete and udder desperation was now clear as day on his face, his cheeks flushed, breathing heavily, his tie loose around his neck, chest slightly exposed. He began again, "Please. Please... put me out of my misery. Say you're mine, please."  Your eyes never leaving his, tears prickling your eyes, you answered, "I always was Jumin.. and I always will be. And, and if the offer still stands--" You blushed, looking down shyly and your feet, ashamed of your own boldness.  Jumin's eyes pooled impossibly darker as he picked you up and led you to his bed, laying you down gently and asking, "I know this is probably soon but... Y/N, will you make me the happiest man on earth?"  You laughed, pure joy on your face as you shamelessly cried, "Yes!" over and over again.  Jumin couldn't hold back the huge grin that took over his face as he kissed you in between laughs.

TRANSLATIONS: * “Do you speak French?” ** “You are just too cute.” *** “She will also have a lot of cream in her coffee.”  **** “It is so nice to see a couple on their honeymoon”

[boldlyvoid]

Amoreena | Chapter two

Chapter Two

summary: Heaven is a real place and it's located exactly 14.6 miles away from the FBI, Quantico Headquarters. Off behind a small park, under a fantastical willow tree surrounded by wildflowers, in every colour young minds can imagine.

Don't forget, heaven also comes with angels.

Warnings: fluff, hurt/comfort, depressed spencer, reader has a daughter, falling in love, strangers to lovers

word count: 6k

a/n: this is set May 2021 in my brain just in case anyone was wondering while reading it !! here is the pinterest board and the spotify playlist for the fic too!

from the beginning <3

They were sitting on the steps of the Smithsonian when he arrived. Y/N was a vision in a yellow blouse and blue jeans, basking in the sun's rays when she looked more like sunshine herself, throwing seed at the birds with Amoreena.

He took a deep breath and smiled, waving to get their attention.

“Spencer!” Amoreena cheered, running down the steps and into his arms. Almost knocking her hat off as she leapt into his arms.

“Oof,” is all he can say as he makes sure to catch her, surprised to get this sort of reaction from someone.

She fixes her hat and leans back in his arms, “do you like my outfit? I’m the old man from Tarzan and mom is Jane!”

He sets her down then, watching her stick a foot out so he can get a good look at her olive-coloured jean shorts, button-up shirt and blue bowtie and brown boots. She went all out for her adventure today, making his heart burst.

“I looked into that Milo guy,” he says, showing off his own outfit. Pushing his glasses up and adjusting his red bowtie.

“You look just like him!!!” She was beyond excited, turning to Y/N who was all smiles on the steps.

She stood as they walked towards her, “mom look, he’s Milo!”

“You look great,” she complimented him, that twinkle in her eyes back as she blushed.

“Thank you, so do you,” he said softly. “Both of you are dressed for the right adventure today.”

“What do you have in store Mr. tour guide?” Y/N teased, taking Amoreena’s hand and walking into the museum.

“Dr. Tour guide,” he corrects her softly, making her smile and shove him lightly.

“Sorry,” she teased him, “Doctor tour guide, what is your plan for today?”

“I bought 3 tickets ahead of time,” Spencer admits, taking three lanyards out of his jacket pocket and handing them each one. “We have special access today, just show the guards these and we can go almost anywhere.”

“Are you sure you don’t work here? Not even undercover?” Amoreena interrogated him, narrowing her eyes as she watched his response.

He laughed, “I promise, I helped them on a case once, and my old boss knows the curator, they owed me a favour.”

“Old boss?” Y/N catches it.

He nods lightly, “he quit a while ago to have a family.”

“Smart man.”

“I sent in my letter of resignation last night,” he adds, “if you’re still looking for a literary historian?”

She beamed at him, reaching out an arm to tuck under his and pull him in close. Following him through the doors with Amoreena’s hand still in hers. “I’ll arrange an interview this week.”

The rotunda was one of the coolest parts of the Smithsonian Museum of National History. A beautiful African Bush Elephant greets them in the centre, tusks extending out towards them as Amoreena gasps.

“Wow,” her small voice whispers.

“Cool, huh?” Spencer leans to look at her expression, she’s absolutely gobsmacked.

It makes him smile, that beautiful glimmer of amazement spreading across her face as her small brain tries to understand what exists in the world outside of her mind's grasp. It was priceless, he loved every moment.

“So, I was thinking you could look around and whenever you’re ready, we have access to the Student Centre. You’re going to get to look at some special bones and fossils, and even dig some up!” He was so excited to share the plans with her.

She let go of her mom's hand to flap her arms wildly, excitement coursing through her veins as she shook, grinding her teeth together as she smiled, it was how he remembered feeling as a child when something good happened. Pure joy, excitement level 1000.

“Sound good?”

“Spencer,” Y/N placed her hand on his shoulder, taking over for the speechless child, “that sounds perfect, thank you.”

“The Dino’s are this way,” he leads them down the corridor, through a set of doors towards a large swirling sign,

“Journey through deep time!” Y/N read the sign, smiling at Amoreena as she ran towards it, touching the swirl as she read all the words to herself.

“It’s so sad they died,” Amoreena says so matter of factly that it makes him bite back a smile.

“Yeah,” he agrees with a small laugh. Y/N's shaking her head with a sigh of pure love. “What kind of dinosaur is your favourite?”

“The Jurassic era,” she responds, standing closer to the sign and reading all the words. “Did you know the earth used to be mostly desert? There was a massive heatwave, that’s why they believe dinosaurs were most likely scaled but thanks to the melting ice caps as we recover from the ice age and move back towards being tropical, we’re discovering dinosaurs frozen in ice with feathers and fur!”

It takes his breath away, seeing someone so much like him with a mother who loves every single word that leaves her mouth. Pride on her face as she looks at her little genius and back towards Spencer, waiting for his response.

“So you’ve been a paleontologist this whole time and you never told me?”

She laughs and swats the air, “no, I just read a lot of books.”

“She can read really fast, like Matilda,” Y/N bragged.

“I do too,” Spencer knelled down in front of her. “It’s a very wonderful thing to have a brain as big and magical as ours, never let anyone tell you otherwise okay?”

“Never, I’m the smartest in the kingdom,” Amoreena smiled.

“Yes, she is,” Y/N smiled again, placing her hand on Spencer's back as they continued to walk around the exhibits.

He felt like he had a family, like one of those couples who would go to Ikea and pretend they lived in the sets. This was the most perfect make-believe day of his life, leading a child just like him through a world of things she loved.

Y/N was quiet most of the day, watching them interact with a soft smile and sad eyes. Spencer noticed it but let it slide, he’d ask her about it later when she could be honest with him. He didn’t want to profile her, it wasn’t fair to judge her before he knew her, nor taint the fantastical thoughts he already had about her.

They had lunch in the butterfly exhibit, sitting at the seat by the fountain, Amoreena asking nicely if Spencer could sit in the middle so they could both talk to him. It was adorable, Amoreena was so intrigued by his mind she couldn’t stop asking him questions.

Y/N made him a sandwich and brought him a water bottle, as well as bringing some apple slices and grapes, goldfish and juice boxes for when Amoreena got hungry on the way home. Like a true mom, her purse was full of napkins and hair ties, random books and toys. Rocks, pine cones, everything a young mind would find exciting.

She was like Marry Poppins, pulling everything and then some out of her purse as she searched for something specific. “I brought you something, I’ve had it sitting around the house just moving it to different spots over the years, and thought you’d like it.”

It made him giddy to know she was thinking about him, he couldn’t sit still as he anticipated what it was. She pulled a small metal pin out of her bag then, taking the backing off and clipping it to his pocket.

“Best tour guide ever,” she whispered, reading the words to him with a smile.

“We haven’t even gotten to the best part yet,” he shrugged, pushing down the butterflies in his stomach as they were swarmed by the beautiful creatures.

“It’s like animal crossing in here,” Amoreena said to herself as she looked around, kicking her feet as she sat on the bench, tilting her head back and forth absentmindedly as she took it all in.

He wasn’t sure when he stopped doing that; when he started to mask his true self so much that he no longer felt free in public, taking a moment to copy her movements and just enjoy the moment. Making her smile as she noticed him copy her with adoration, not to tease her in any way whatsoever.

“Can we talk when she’s looking at the fossils?” He asks Y/N softly, knowing that she’ll be the most open when Amoreena’s tiny ears wouldn’t be there to remember everything she says.

“Yeah,” she nods with a small smile. “How about I throw out our garbage and we head to that surprise?”

Amoreena jumped off the bench, tugging Spencer towards the door as Y/N cleaned up, following them eventually.

—

They had the classroom all to themselves and Amoreena was still for the first time all day. Standing in the middle of the room as the lights adjusted, changing the glow from blue to amber as they warmed.

The walls were filled with posters and informative signs, there were glass cases showcasing all the finest fossils and bones known to man. And a sand table in the middle of the room, smocks and brushes for archaeology all set up and waiting for her.

“Once you get all suited up, and we’ll get you a little mask so you don’t breathe in any of the dirt and dust, you can dig up whatever is hidden in there!” Spencer announced.

Y/N helped her into a smock, handing her the brushes and asking her to be extra careful with the plastic chisel and hammer. She was beaming from ear to ear the most toothy smile he’s ever seen.

Y/N stopped to take a photo of her then, holding her instruments in front of the sand table, “get in, we’ll tell everyone that Milo took us on a special tour today.”

Spencer kneeled close to Amoreena, she leaned in and wrapped an arm around him to get him in closer, always being the one to choose how much contact she made with Spencer. He would never want to overstep with someone else’s child.

“Beautiful!” Y/N cheered, locking her phone and slipping it back into her jeans as Amoreena turned to the table of sand, dirt and clay.

She got right to work, not skipping a beat as she leaned in and started to dig. Spencer stepped back with Y/N, knowing Amoreena was going to be in her own little world for as long as they left her alone.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m great, I’m just a little surprised,” her voice is soft, low enough that it stays with him. “You’re really good with her for a fed.”

He laughed, nodding his head as he registered her joke. “Ex fed, and I have a 12-year-old godson, Henry.”

“Ahh, so no kids of your own?” Her voice was small, she took a look at his hand to avoid eye contact and he understood.

“None, no wife, no love children hiding out there in the world that I know of, it’s just me, I promise,” he tried his best to ease her anxiety about introducing a new man into her child’s life.

She nods slightly, “you seem too good to be true sometimes.”

He huffed out a small laugh, pressing his lips together as he looked at her, “pretty sure I’ve been dreaming since I saw you.”

She shoved him as she laughed, “would you like to come back to our place for dinner? I know it’s a little weird, believe me, I know, but we live on my parent's land and my mom’s making enough shepherds pie to feed an army.”

“Yeah I’d love to, I’ll get a cab home after,” he felt a swirling in his stomach, nervous and excited all at once.

“Okay,” she whispered, “or we can get to know each other, and then you could sleep on the couch and I’ll bring you back into DC in the morning? I have to drive in any way.”

He licked his lips and nodded his head, wondering what other kind of invitation this could be. If it was pure hospitality, wanting him to be safe for the night instead of inside some stranger's car, or was she wanting alone time with him.

The thoughts turned around in his head over and over making him dizzy, “okay, yeah I’d love to,” he managed to slip the words out without falling over them.

She smiled, tight-lipped and small. Looking up at him with a new look he hasn’t seen on her yet, one he’s only seen in a few faces in his time, and yet he believed her’s the most.

She was smitten with him as much as he was with her.

He sighed, smiling back at her just as soft. She reached her hand out to hold his, walking towards the table with him in tow. Leaning over Amoreena’s shoulder as she unearthed her new most prized possessions.

—

Amoreena was the funniest kid to drive with, He sat in the passenger seat of Y/N’s car with her in a car seat directly behind him. She was singing, cheering, pointing out the window to show him all her favourite things on the way to her house.

Telling him stories about the make-believe people she created to live in the houses, the trolls under bridges and the names of every cow in the field along the long driveway of her grandparent's farm.

“Bob and Linda are an interesting pair,” she warned him as they pulled in closer and closer. Dirt flying up behind the wheels as she drove fast, knowing every bump and turn from memory.

“They will be asking you every question in the book and if you’re going to be looking at the animals they will insist on putting you in flannel and a cowboy hat, it’s a tradition for visitors,” she explained it in a way where he knew she wanted him to think she hated it, but actually she looked excited to do it to him.

“I can’t wait,” he smiled.

“Amoreena has already told them all about you at dinner last night, so they are expecting her to drag you here tonight,” she pushed the blame onto Amoreena, downplaying her affection for him in a self-conscious way he could feel.

He didn’t want to profile her, but it wouldn’t turn off. He was desperate to know her more, to know if she felt the weird tugging in her heart that made him think soulmates might be real. A pain so intense that if he had to explain it to a doctor, it was like his heart was a negative charge and he was being drawn to her much more positive one.

“We have 16 cats, 46 cows, 13 chickens, 4 ducks, 50 sheep and 1 horse, her name is buttercup,” Amoreena informed him, stealing the attention once again.

“Wow, who’s your favourite?” Spencer turned to her, watching her kick her feet as she looked out the windows.

“Probably Alfonzo our fluffy show cow, or Rufus, our dog,” she said softly. “Sometimes nanny lets him sleep at our house.”

“That’s so cool, I’ve never had a pet.”

“What?!” Amoreena stopped, pressing her lips together as her eyes shot wide open, thinking it was the most absurd thing anyone has ever said.

“My mom was sick when I was growing up so I spent my time taking care of her, I didn’t have time for a dog,” he said softly, saying it in a way that wouldn’t scare her.

“I’m sorry,” Y/N said softly, reaching her hand out to pat his knee as she kept her eyes on the road.

Then she was pulling in past a big house, around the bend behind it, past the garden and the trail to the barn towards another house. It was big and white, probably big enough to have 4 bedrooms. Many levels, with multiple build-ons from years ago ageing to match eventually.

It was covered in vines, ivy and flowers. It was just like miss honeys. He felt something unspeakable, opening his mouth softly to breathe as his eyes trailed up the siding to the shingles.

He couldn’t believe it.

“Home sweet home,” her wonderful voice brought him back to reality. Saying the word that matched the feeling in his chest.

“Wow,” he whispered. His mouth moved to say words, not a single one slipped through the cracks, his lips touching with fake syllables as he stared at it.

“It was my grandma’s, it’s the house she raised my dad in,” Y/N explained as she put the car in park.

“Mommy had me as a gift for GG,” Amoreena added from the back.

“Her great-grandma,” Y/N nodded with a soft smile, biting the inside of her lip as she fought her feelings. That was a touchy subject that he was going to pry into, later on, wanting to know every single thing about the most exceptional women in the world.

There was a cat sitting on their front step, introduced to him as toothpick because he was the smallest in the last litter. And then the name of every single cat on the way back up to the main house.

Simon and Gar-funk-field twin orange brothers, Alaska the all-white one, strawberry shortcake had a red heart on her butt, oven-mitt for comedic effect obviously as if they others weren’t funny enough, as well as shovel and Catrina… all 16 of them had a name and Spencer was not going to forget a single one.

“Welcome! You must be Doctor Reid,” her father was a very large man, it shocked Spencer slightly.

He was like Santa Clause, it was more than a bit of a shock. Thick grey beard, bald head, red flannel and dirty work jeans, probably in his late 60’s. He was what you imagined Santa to look like outside of Christmas, on holiday with his wife.

He looked like a man who lived a long and happy life, he had a wife who cooked good meals for him, he probably didn’t mind sitting back with a beer most nights. There was definitely going to be sports memorabilia inside and a million photos of Y/N and Amoreena, and the purest energy known to man. Family love.

He hated how fast he profiled it all in his mind, trying to drop that aspect of his inner monologue moving forward.

“It’s so nice to meet you, Sir,” he said softly, nodding lightly as he placed his hands in his pockets. Letting it be known he didn’t touch people, and weirdly being respected.

“Please, it’s Bob or Poppy Clause,” he laughed, shifting his attention to Amoreena as she climbed the stairs towards the porch.

“How is my lovey?” Bob asked her softly, “may I have a welcome home hug?”

“Ah,” he smiled and nodded to himself. He was used to it, asking permission for her sensory issues. Spencer was impressed, and a bit emotional at the fact someone his age was respecting a way of life many didn’t care to understand.

Amoreena gave him a hug, throwing herself into his arms, “no beard tickles,” she instructed, holding onto his shoulders as he kept his face away from her.

Y/N placed her hand on Spencers back, “I told you they were a lot, my mom is worse.”

“I feel very comfortable here, don’t worry,” he assured her.

“I should worry,” she laughed, “you’re one of them, oh god.”

“One of who?”

She tilted her head at him, shaking her head, “eccentric, full of life, bursting with weirdness that would probably be a strange purple goo if I could see it.”

He pressed his lips together as he thought about it, nodding softly in agreement. “There is nothing wrong with that, it just means I’m having fun and living my best life from now on.”

“Welcome to the family,” Bob added, a simple saying that invoked a feeling of pride he long yearned for.

—

Dinner was lovely, he’s never had shepherd’s pie before. Learning it was ground beef, beans and potato casserole, and somehow there was also corn in there… he wasn’t sure why it was so delicious but he enjoyed it a lot.

It might have simply been the ambiance that made it so good.

Her mother was the sweetest woman, she made everything from scratch. Including bread that he was obsessed with and a pie for dessert, she was overjoyed to have an expected yet unexpected guest.

Knowing there was a possibility he’d come, but not setting a place for him at the table unless he showed. She wrapped him up in a big hug when he arrived as well as after dinner when he helped her move the plates to the sink.

Her dad offered him a beer after dinner, taking him to the front porch to talk while the ladies cleaned up for the night. Amoreena had a strict bedtime routine to stick to, and it wasn’t his place to witness nor get in the way.

“So,” her dad started the interrogation easily. “I’m sure you wouldn’t be here if Y/N didn’t trust you. And she doesn’t trust many people.”

“I can promise you I’ll never hurt either of them,” he said with the utmost confidence. “It’s been two days and they’ve brought me more joy than I can explain, and I’m never going to take that for granted.”

“Good answer,” he smiled. “Now, farmhouse rules are as follows; you can roam where ever you please, just ask permission before using any equipment, we’re more of a petting zoo than a farm now so the animals are overly friendly, try and keep them inside the gates.”

He was a bit flustered, computing the fact that he just trusted him like that. Maybe he was Santa Clause, making a list and checking it twice, and Spencer happened to cross off every box to land him on the nice one.

“Sounds good,” he smiled. “Thank you.”

“Believe me, sonny, I know what it’s like to want to impress the old man, but it’s all about Amoreena,” Bob warned him. “If she loves you then so will Y/N, and she falls fast.”

He couldn’t help but chuckle, “I’m the same way.”

“That’s what Y/N was saying, I think it’ll be good for Amoreena to know someone like her, we try our best to get her out there and making friends, she’s smart enough to move up some grades but she’s a kid, y’know?” Her father basically describing his own childhood back to him.

“I graduated high school at 13,” he presses his lips together, hoping it doesn’t come off as a brag. Taking a sip of his beer to take the edge off how awkward he felt.

“Do you regret it?”

“No,” he smiled at Bob, who was smiling right back, “it led me here.”

Bob hummed in response, taking a sip as well as he sat back in his rocking chair, watching over the cows in the field as the sun began to set. It was picture perfect, unbelievable.

Wet feet on the hardwood floor caught his attention then, Amoreena was in her PJ’s as she ran towards the door. Putting on her rubber boots and swinging open the screen door.

Her hair was wet, falling into her eyes as she pushed it out of the way, “are you joining the parade and dance party?”

He acted like he knew what that meant, “sure?”

“Yes!” She cheered, “hurry up mom!!”

Y/N walked down the steps slowly, shaking her head as she laughed. “You are so impatient, the animals aren’t going anywhere.”

“No, but Spencer will!”

It made his heartache, the thought of leaving.

“Come on,” she slipped back into her shoes and joined them on the porch. “Off we go, see you later dad.”

“Be good, make wise choices,” he teased her.

“Okay old fart, sleep well,” they had a friendship that was admirable.

Spencer followed with glee as Amoreena said goodnight to all the animals, parading down the path towards their house as she made sure to talk to everything on the way there.

“Every night we pick 2 songs to dance to, it gets all the sillies out and rewards us for a day well spent so we can bless our bodies with a good sleep,” Y/N explains as she unlocks the front door.

A cottage full of books in the middle of the woods, that dream he always had, coming true as she ushered him inside. The smell of coffee drifting towards him as he noticed the brown candle on the mantle surrounded by photos of Y/N and her family.

She placed her keys beside it, kicking off her shoes and making sure Amoreena did the same. In the living room, she connected her phone to a set of speakers, letting the little one pick out 2 songs, queueing them up to play as she bounced with anticipation.

“Tonight’s selection is today was a fairytale by miss Swift, and Anne Hathaway’s cover of somebody to love, form the cinematic masterpiece that is Ella Enchanted,” Y/N announced like she was hosting the grammies, pretending her phone was the mic before hitting play.

He knew somebody to love, the Elton John version, it was a song that Penelope and Emily sang at karaoke when they reached 11 shots each, so not very often. But enough to have him remember the words, singing along with them as they danced.

It was a better workout than Derek had ever put him through, they held hands and jumped around, he twirled Amoreena around, pretending to do the tango with Y/N. Waving their arms in the air, it was the most carefree he has been in ages.

The songs fit the situation more perfectly than any of them seem to realize, he’s falling head over heels in love with this family that he met yesterday. Something in him saying that he needs to stay, that this is where he was supposed to be.

Getting Amoreena into bed was more difficult than Y/N imagined, she didn’t want to stop talking to Spencer. Only finally agreeing to sleep when she learned he would still be there for breakfast in the morning.

“Can you read me a book from your brain?” Her sleep-deprived eyes blinked as she asked him softly.

He looked at Y/N from the doorway, she nodded, patting the bed for Spencer to sit on the edge.

“Any book?”

“Any book.”

“Bedtime for baby star,” he says softly. Remembering all the late night’s he’s heard JJ whisper it on the back of the plane, in the corner of a police precinct in the middle of nowhere, in a twin bed beside his as they shared a hotel room.

“Once there was a baby star, she lived up by the sun. And every night at bedtime, that baby star wanted to have some fun,” he recited the words in an exciting tone, just low enough to soothe her into sleep. “She would sine and sine and fall and shoot and twinkle, oh so bright, and she said ‘Mommy! I’ll run away if you make me say goodnight.’”

Y/N looked at her with a fake stern look, leaning in enough to rub their noses together. “And then her mommy kissed her sparkly nose and said, no matter where you go,”

Y/N kissed her on the nose, “no matter where you go,” she repeated.

“No matter where you are, no matter how big you grow and even if you stray far,” to which Y/N repeated. “I’ll love you forever because you’ll always be my baby star.”

“Goodnight my sweet Amoreena,” Y/N kissed her head softly and stood, Spencer, joined her by the door.

“Can I have a hug?” She asked him softly, he looked at Y/N for approval once again.

She placed a hand on his back as she nodded, watching him lean in and hold Amoreena softly, “goodnight, I had a fun day today.”

“See you tomorrow,” she smiled, closing her eyes for the night.

Y/N replaced her lamp light with a night light, closing the door on the way out of her room as she blew a kiss towards her baby, “love you.”

“Love you more,” Amoreena whispered back.

Spencer was nothing but smiles in the hall as she looked at him, “I’m going to pour myself some wine and sit in the garden, are you interested?”

“Ecstatic actually,” he replied, following her towards the kitchen and letting her pour him a glass.

Behind her house, she had an overgrown garden, every area of her life had a reference to a book somewhere, a story someone else told that she’s now claimed as her own. Living in the world she always wanted, inviting Spencer to stay a while.

She let out a deep sigh as she sat down on the outdoor couch beside him, dropping her head on his shoulder softly, it was more contact than he was expecting. She had barely touched him.

“You should know that I like you a lot,” Spencer spoke softly. “I don’t want you to think I’m just some creep trying to get close to you and your kid, I genuinely think you’re wonderful and Amoreena is magnificent.”

“I trust you, I googled you and everything, don’t worry,” she laughs. “I wouldn’t invite you to the museum and let you give my kid a hug without doing research.”

“Not everything is on there you know.”

“I think you are very wonderful as well,” she said softly, “but I know it’s just the fact that you’re so darn cute that’s making me feel like I should drop everything and invite you into our life.”

“I understand,” he replied. Waiting for her to tell him that this was the last time she’d see him, it was inevitable at this point in his life. Nothing good lasted for long.

“So I need you to know all about me and I need to know all about you before you decide you want to stay because I can’t handle bringing you into Amoreena’s life for you to just leave her,” another deflection.

“You might want to hear mine first before you decide if you want me to stay around her,” it sounded scarier than he planned.

“Alright then, you go first,” she insisted with a small smile, eyes darting past him towards the cows in the field. Not ready to be vulnerable with him.

“I worked with the FBI for 15 years, I’ve helped catch some of the worst people in America, and some of them have vendetta’s against me. As far fetched and insane as that sounds,” he pre-warned her, watching her face drop as she understood the weight of his words.

“I have been framed and sent to prison for three months, I was kidnaped, tortured, drugged, and assaulted, not to mention shot a few times. I have more trauma than you can imagine. So that’s something you have to consider in a future with me,” he whispered so she wouldn’t hear how ashamed he was of himself.

“And the fact know that I can’t always keep myself or you safe, no matter how far disconnected I am from the FBI. It doesn’t matter if I change my name and hide here for the rest of my life off the grid. There are some fucked up minds out there that don’t want to let me experience true happiness. But in all honesty,” he finally stops his long-winded rant. He bites his bottom lip as if he is holding back someone worse than all the things he just said.

“I’m willing to die tomorrow if it means my last day on earth was this fucking perfect.” Tears welled in his eyes, “I am so tired.”

“It’s okay to cry, I would be too,” she says softly, a frog in her throat as she nodded. Tears welling in her eyes as her face scrunched.

He blinked and a tear escaped, slipping down his cheek and being swiped off by her thumb in an instant. She kept her hand on his cheek softly, he leaned into it.

“I’ve been running for so long,” he whispers because then the words don’t really exist. They’re secrets only for her to hear and then they’re gone. “I was basically groomed for the FBI, I was their personal computer and they didn’t give a single shit about the wear and tear on me.”

He started to sob. She cradled his head against her chest in one swift motion, holding him close and rubbing his back. Shushing him softly as he cried into her shoulder.

“You know that Katy Perry song?” she changed the subject as he calmed down, understanding his pain and accepting his warnings, but continuing down the path anyway.

“Summer after high school when we first met,” she sang like an angel. “It was like that, I thought I met the love of my life after I graduated, we got engaged a year later, then he died in a car crash and I was single for a very long time.”

“Then my grandma got sick and she made a bucket list. Number one was to become a great grandma,” her words became whispers as she tried to stop the tears, following Spencer’s tactic even though it failed so miserably.

“I said fuck it. I’m going to have a baby and make my own family, one person I can truly care for and never lose. She’s my world, she was the light of my grandma’s life until it burnt out, she has changed my world in ways I can’t even explain.”

It fell silent as they absorbed each other’s explanations of their issues. The root of their problems, the core of their soul were the most hurt was kept locked away, opening the doors and swapping scrapbook snapshots of terrible memories.

“I think,” she says, finally, like music to his ears. “I think that I’m okay, I’m positive actually that I want you in my life like this. All of you is fine with me, you’re not that scary, and I’m tired of waiting for the right moments because it means losing the people over time missed. I want to live my life fully, I’m at peace with the unknown and with you.”

Peace.

“Not to quote Taylor Swift at you or anything, but she does have a point in that song,” she laughed lightly and he felt her chest jump. Life bursting through her as she made light of an incredibly touchy subject.

“I don’t know the song,” he whispers.

She gasps, “oh that’s the line, I finally found it. Our first fight can be whether or not you like Taylor Swift, don’t even think about how upset Amoreena will be if you’re not, I’ll kick you out.”

He can't stop laughing then, digging his face into her neck as he holds her closer to his chest. Breathing her in as she finishes his laugh in a giggle, rubbing her hands down his back as she presses her cheek to his head.

“I haven’t had the time to listen to her this year I know she’s been busy releasing music,” he admits, “but I’m sure I’ll love it.”

She shifts awkwardly on the couch to take her phone out of her pocket, opening her music and playing the song she was speaking of.

He simply rests his head on her chest, both of them laying back onto the cushions together, finding a comforting spot for their arms as they listened to the words, silently.

He absorbed it all, every word she said bringing forth a feeling he’s never felt before. True understanding, like someone, gets him. Gasping audibly when she says ‘robbers to the east clowns to the west, give you my sunshine, give you my best.’

He wasn’t alone.

[duskamethyst]

after party. (ft. keigo)

a/n: at this point i hope someone reads and enjoys it (i dont have any influence in this app lol). this is my longest fic yet.

word count: 6k

genre: quirkless AU, nsfw, smut, angst

warnings: fucked up– noncon/dubcon, tw physical abuse, tw emotional abuse, possessiveness, abusive relationships, cheating, intoxication (voluntarily), slight suicidal thoughts, yandere behavior

the behavior displayed by dabi is not love. no one deserves to be treated like shit in a relationship. if you are being abused, please find help.

pairing: dabi x f!reader (x keigo)

summary: keigo takes a liking on you but what does your ex boyfriend, dabi has to do say about it?

you walk out of the uber in your tight little dress with your friend and line in front of the club before the bouncers can check your IDs. your friend was the one who initiated the idea to go party since she had a rough day at work today and you would do anything to make her feel better so you agreed. besides, you were convinced that you were also in need of plenty of doses of serotonin and you haven’t gotten stupidly drunk for a while.

the echoes of the music that you heard from outside has become much louder and clearer as you walk inside the room. a throng of people are already wildly grinding against each other on the dance floor, some are making out and some just watch by their table, sipping on their expensive alcohol. your friend grabs you over by the bar to buy you some drink. one glass quickly turns to two, to three, four and five. you’ve finally reached your high and your body itches to join the crowd so you pull your friend towards the floor and squeeze in between bodies before you start to sway the night away – oblivious to the prying eyes that have been staring at you from one of the vip tables. 

you’re mouthing the lyrics as you shake your hips voluptuously with your hands snaking up and down from your hair to your body in a sultry manner, slightly aware of some of the males’ gazes around you but none even dare to make a move. you love how you manage to make their heads turn towards you while you’re doing the least and now you’re just drowning in euphoria and confidence. you know you’re stunning and you made damn sure that the dress you chose for tonight would show off your curves at the right places, not forgetting the hem barely covering your ass. you know you’re a fucking tease to those idiots.  

a pair of arms suddenly wraps around your waist and pulls you back, enveloping you into a warm and muscular hold – but loose enough for you to continue dancing. you turn your head back to the person and he raises his eyebrows invitingly as he locks his golden eyes with yours with a devilish smirk that graces his lips and instantly makes your heart leap. 

you feel like you’ve hit the jackpot. 

you keep on dancing and he slowly follows you from the back. when you boldly tease him by grinding your ass on his mid hard on, you can feel the grip on your hips hardens. with a proud smug tugging on your lips, you confidently turn your head to see him watching you down with his lip already between his teeth. you both know very well the effect you have on him right now.

“if you’re gonna do that, why don’t you come to my table?” he says loud enough in your ear to suppress the banging music. 

you pretend to think a little, though you know you can’t (and don’t want to)  turn down his offer – not when he’s this attractive because usually you’d easily reject any sleazy and scrawny guys without a second thought whenever they invite you for a drink with them. “i don’t know... should i?” you start to flirt.

“you like being a tease?” his hot breath lingers around your ear as he chuckles, sending a tingling sensation down to your core. “well, you’re damn good at it. come on.” 

from the look in your eyes, he already knows your game. he doesn’t give you a moment to answer and only smiles before pulling your hand as he walks you through the crowd. the fact that he is tall and built easily causes people to step away from him, making him look like moses parting the sea. you look around as you follow the man and spot your friend who is long forgotten, dancing with a random guy and giving you a thumbs up before shooing you away, most likely to tell you to just go with him.

by the time you reach his table, another guy that you assume as his friend is already seated and making out with a girl leaning next to him. you don’t have a clue of who they are and the dim lights aren’t really helping so you choose just to ignore it. 

“come here, baby.” the blonde pats on his lap as he sits down on the opposite side of the table, directly in front of his friend. there’s something about him that is mesmerizing as a whole and certainly, this man can easily get anyone that he wants. though you initially wanted to play hard to get, you find yourself to obey him, already straddling his laps as asked. you face him, wanting to give yourself a much clearer view of his features. his brows are thick and his lids are a little hooded, not sure if it’s from the alcohol or it’s naturally like that and he has some stubble on his chin. his eyes are dark – is he wearing eyeliner? but his golden irises make them bright at the same time. he’s too handsome for his own good and you’re pretty sure he knows it well. 

“such a pretty little thing.” he mumbles as his hand caresses your cheek and you’re hoping he doesn’t notice how your skin warms up to his touch.

you move your hips closer to his, your core grinding tauntingly through the fabric close to his groin. he rests his hands low on your back – too low and guides your hips as you continue to grind and roll against him, all while maintaining eye contact with you. 

“keigo. you can say it.” he suddenly says as he notices how you bite your lip from escaping any shameful noises as he bucks his hips closer to your needy cunt. you blankly stare at him before realizing that he just told you his name, most probably hear you to moan out. embarrassed, you lean and hide your face on the crook of his nape, involuntarily sniffing his cologne as you inhale. fuck, he also smells amazing. 

he laughs, “thought you were cheeky, but you’re also shy, huh?” 

the fact that he knows that he has the power of making you feel flustered gets on your nerves. as a retaliation, you bite the soft skin on his neck and successfully feel his body tenses up a little as a response. you grin victoriously against his skin and decide to deliberately try to get more reaction from him as you begin to suck and nibble on the same spot and it’s already making him shudder.

“already marking me, babe?” keigo looks at you as you pull away. “i’ll be sure to put ‘rough’ on the list then.” he grabs and squeezes your ass before pulling you into a hungry kiss, taking you off guard but you’re more than happy to return. you can feel that your dress is moving up almost revealing half of your ass from the way he keeps on clutching it along with the fabric and his friend can probably see a bit of your panties but you couldn’t care less, not when you feel so needy right now.

“get a room.” a deep voice from the other side suddenly interrupts.

keigo pulls away and glares at his friend past your shoulder. the remark alone suddenly makes you feel bad and ashamed so you think it’s best if you don’t turn around, no matter how much you want to tell him to piss off-- but he also probably paid for the table so you have no place to say that at all. 

“shut up, dabi.” 

dabi?

sure, you’re tipsy but you’re sober enough (and not deaf) to clearly hear what keigo said and it’s a name that you never want to come across again, let alone the person himself. you don’t want to be reminded of the person that hurt you so many times before. the person who threw out a year long relationship for his own desires and constantly making you feel bad about yourself, like you’re not enough and blamed you for the reason of why he cheated on you. the thoughts and memories of him haunted you for so long and you were grateful when you finally managed to get over it but now... guess you thought wrong.

the feeling of embarrassment you had is replaced by fear. you don’t have to see it but you know that dabi is wearing that ugly smirk when he sees how your body freezes and quick to pull down your dress properly. in a second, your brilliant portrayal of femme fatale suddenly vanishes into thin air. the bass from the music suddenly feels so loud and it makes your head dizzy. god, it’s all too awful. keigo notices your uneasiness that his jackass friend caused and he immediately pulls you into a hug. he apologizes to you but you can only manage a meek nod of your head. 

“let’s go somewhere else.” he comforts you before you get off his lap and stand up with him to leave. your head is hanging low, staring at nothing but the floor. you can’t comprehend what you’re feeling right now. is it embarrassment? horror? anger? are you being set up? you can’t bring yourself to look at dabi in the eyes and you don’t want to be in his presence any longer. you’re already wishing for the ground to swallow you whole. you just want to leave. somewhere. anywhere. 

“leaving already? don’t want to introduce me to your friend?” keigo stops in his tracks before turning around to his friend with an eye roll. you, on the other hand, aren’t sure whether the question is directed at you or keigo but you can feel that dabi is intensely burning holes through you and it makes you want to puke. 

keigo wraps his arm around your shoulder and pulls you closer, “sorry. i don’t think she wants to know you, dude.” he sneers and walks away with you before dabi gets the chance to say anything. the last thing keigo wants is a fight with his friend right now. he’s the worst when he’s drunk, after all. 

“i’m sorry about my friend,” keigo apologizes again as he leads you to his car and opens the passenger’s door for you before walking around it and getting in the driver’s seat. “but that’s dabi for you. annoying fella.” he laughs and starts the engine. 

“it’s fine.” it isn’t – but you force a smile and you don’t want him to think that you’re weird-- you have to keep up and act normal. keigo sighs in relief and puts his hand on your thigh, rubbing it gently as he drives the whole way. from your understanding and the way he talks about him, keigo probably doesn’t know that you and dabi used to be a thing and you don’t plan on telling him much about your life either. it’s not a surprise since dabi was the one that wanted the relationship to be discreet – or in his book it’s called “lowkey” or “private”. it felt like he was hiding you from a part of his world.

thus, he barely (or most likely never, if he didn’t hold your hand on dates) showed you off and you had never met his family and friends. you were so in love with him so you tolerated, but the moment you started to bother him by asking why (or when you asked him to post your pictures together on his stories at least), he’d lose his shit. he said that he was not into those kind of stuffs and he hated and cringed when people showed off their partners excessively, so putting himself on the same level as them was the last thing he wanted-- until you found out the real reason: he was fucking around behind your back. 

and it didn’t happen once. it was hard but you forgave him the first time when he apologized. he said he was so sorry, he’d change and he couldn’t live without you, all those things you wanted to hear. you knew you had and wanted to give him a chance. you loved him but trust wasn’t something that was easy to build and you were always wary of him a couple of months after that. he found it ridiculous when you tried to check his phone so much, said that you were overreacting and it often broke into a fight. deep inside, you knew he was doing it again. you’d yell at each other and one of you would end up bruised after. later he’d say he was sorry for what he did, make up with hot sex, whisper sweet nothings to you and you would forgive him again – and the cycle repeated itself. in the end, there was never a proper closure but the day he took away all his belongings from your place, you both knew it was already over and none of you ever said anything since then. it was devastating but so liberating.

right now, you’re not sure where keigo is taking you and you don’t care because you’re just glad that you and him didn’t have to deal with your ex for too long back there. keigo tries to crack some jokes as he drives and keeps on recommending to you the songs that he currently likes by playing it on the radio. your mood lifts up gradually as you hear him sing and the thought of dabi slowly becomes a blur.

he brings you to his house (or mansion, by the size of it) and offers you a drink. he’s regretful that he couldn’t buy you a drink earlier since he ended up just making out with you before the whole dabi fiasco happened. so he brings out one of his expensive liquors for both of you before nuzzling on his sofa. after a light hearted conversation and a few sips of the alcohol, you’re quick to get drunk and giddy again. keigo softly caresses his hand up and down your thigh as you mumble nonsense but the lack of response from the male makes you turn your head to him and he’s already staring at you. it’s quiet for a few moments before both of your reddened faces inch closer and you impatiently crash your lips onto his. he hums into the kiss while his hands rub gently on your sides.

“not here.” he bites your lower lip and picks you up bridal style. you giggle as he brings you upstairs to his room before throwing you on his bed. keigo gets on top of you and kisses you hungrily, only pulling away to take off his shirt to reveal his toned body and goes back to kiss you again. his hands roam greedily all over your body as if you’ll be gone if he lets go before slipping one of his hands under your dress, feeling the wet pool already formed against the thin fabric. 

“oh?” he smirks, rubbing your wet slits with his fingers and watches you as you squirm under him. keigo immediately leans down between your legs and licks a wet strip through your panties. “i wanted to give payback for what you did, but i can’t wait anymore.” 

keigo pulls your panties to the side and starts to lap off your juices like a starved man, the aftertaste of the liquor he had earlier replaced by your flavor. your legs begin to tremble as his tongue expertly licks your clit and through your folds. keigo watches you between your thighs, your mouth gaping as you chant his name repetitively like a prayer while your hands clench on his soft pillow. 

“cum on my face, baby.” he soothes his erection against the mattress, grinding through the sheets as he focuses on making you orgasm. 

“oh, fuck – keigo!” you squeal as he slides in two fingers inside your sloppy cunt and the lewd sloshing sounds do nothing but make you and keigo even more aroused. you press your thighs together as you feel the coil inside you tighten up but his free hand pushes them apart from crushing his head. with a suck on the clit, he eventually pushes you over the edge and he grins proudly as you cum. he licks your juices off and hovers back up to you and kisses you again, making you taste yourself. 

“you taste so fucking good,” he whispers as he pulls the straps of your dress down to reveal your breasts before getting up to his knees to take off your panties and anything he has left, freeing his hard cock. “i’m gonna leave you with that on because you look so –” he smacks your thigh, “fucking hot in it. pretty sure you thought hard about wearing that dress.” he chuckles.

“happy to know it’s doing its job.” you giggle as you eagerly spread your legs again before him. god, alcohol really makes you forget every ounce of shame you’re supposed to have, doesn’t it? 

keigo gives his cock a few pumps with his hand before he leans forward to slide inside your soppy cunt and he hisses as the warmth engulfs him while you feel every vein against your tight walls. he slowly starts to move his hips when he hears you moan his name again before building up the pace. you wrap your legs around his waist and he leans closer to you, enabling you to hold him while he fucks harder. 

“fuck,” he groans. “you feel so good.” 

your nails are clawing his bare back, making him want to thrust into you faster. the quiet room now filled with moans, squelching sounds and skins slapping against each other. keigo nibbles on your neck while his hand reaches down to press and circle your neglected clit, quickly causing you to reach your climax.

“wanna cum!” you cry, the aftermath of your previous orgasm making you sensitive even more. 

“yeah? baby wants to cum on my cock?” 

“please, please, keigo!” you beg as your toe curls and the legs you have wrapped around him pushes him down and deeper into you. you can feel your walls tightening as he thrusts harder through the spongy walls and with a couple more circles on your clit, your eyes roll back as you come undone. keigo continues to fuck you and you can feel that he’s close by the way his cock twitches inside you before he shoots ropes of thick cum inside you. 

the both of you are left in a daze as you pant and keigo slowly pulls out his cock before laying next to you and pulls you close into his warm embrace. 

“you did so great, baby. oh, god.” he says between breaths as he caresses your hair and kisses your head. the silent ambience and the fact that the both of you are dead tired from the whole night eventually causes the both of you to fall asleep in each others’ arms instantly. 

you wake up suddenly and see that it’s still dark outside. you can only assume that it’s currently four to five in the morning and you turn to your side to see keigo is still sleeping peacefully next to you. you know it’s best to not stay around any longer, you’re not looking for a relationship though it’s a shame because telling by the way he treated you, this man is just amazing.

then again, you only know his name. worse, he’s a friend of your ex boyfriend and that’s just kind of fucked up in a lot of ways.

quietly getting off his bed, you put back on your panties and carefully open the door before walking back downstairs. the place is so huge but you manage to find your handbag from the sofa earlier and head straight outside before you can call the uber back to your apartment. surely you hope keigo doesn’t mind that you’re leaving him so suddenly. heck, you might even be doing him a favor. he was nice and thoughtful to you throughout the night but it’s really hard to put someone that’s been around dabi in your good graces now.

the elevator stops on your floor and you walk through the same, familiar hall while rummaging through your handbag to look for your keys through the receipts that you always reminded yourself to but forgot to throw out from your bag. the minute you lift up your head to watch where you’re going, you stop in your tracks as you see a man leaning against your door. a man that you thought you’re not going to see so soon and now you’re thinking that staying with keigo until the morning probably was the best idea. 

but it’s too late for that. he already notices you.

you can feel your blood boiling and your hands clenching into a fist. he’s wearing that stupid smirk that you’ve always used to adore – the same one that made you swoon once but now it only makes you want to punch him hard and break a tooth or two – if only you’re brave enough.

“the fuck you’re doing here?” you snarl at him with every ounce of bravery you still have inside you. you’re grateful that you don’t sound as meek as you expected to but seeing you like this amuses him even more. he had always liked it when you were all riled up until he thought that it was annoying and ‘had’ to get physical to shut you up.

dabi whistles, “mm, feisty.” 

you roll your eyes and ignore him as he steps away for you to open your door. you try to remain calm and stop your hand from shaking as you insert and twist the key through the keyhole so he won’t even get the hint that you’re shitting inside your pants right now. you quickly get inside your house once it’s unlocked and instantly push the door close, but to only have his foot to stop it from closing. you begin to panic and try to push the door harder while he tries to push the door back from the other side. 

“let me in.” he slurs as he leans down to meet you on eye level. the azure eyes that used to be captivating and mesmerizing are now dark and horrifying-- like when he used to look down at you condescendingly while your body was trembling on the floor.

“no! dabi! you’re drunk!” you scream as tears begin to prickle your eyes.

“don’t be like that. come on, i just wanna talk.” he says calmly with a smile, in an attempt to calm you down, though the smile doesn’t really reach his eyes and only scares you even more. you’re certain that he can see fear running through your eyes.

“fuck off!” you push the door with all the strength you have left. you’re not naive, you know that dabi is far stronger than you and you can only hope for a miracle to happen right now – for someone up there to suddenly grant you superhuman strength so you could shove the door right in his face or to just make dabi give up from pursuing you.

but you can only hope. there’s no such thing as super powers and you know damn well your ex boyfriend is not the type to easily give up on the things he wants. 

“let. me. in.” he threatens under his breath. “you don’t want to make me angry.” 

a wave of bitter flashbacks creeps into your mind again, as if seeing his face isn’t enough to remind you of the past you desperately want to forget. you feel your body tremble and grow weaker as you look at the monster outside your door again and when he feels the force from your side drops, dabi takes the opportunity to easily push back the door and invites himself in and makes sure to lock the door before turning to you.

your shaky legs weren’t enough to support you and caused you to tumble back when the door swung open. you look down to the floor as you shake and sob while dabi walks slowly towards you before kneeling down in front of you.

“baby, look at me.” he coos. 

your body stays frozen in place, your head suddenly weighs too heavy to lift itself up. you’re a sobbing mess and you don’t want him to see that. judging from the experience you’ve had with him, you know it’s wise to not make him repeat things twice so you slowly force yourself to look up at him to see his blue eyes already taunting you. dabi shushes you as you cry even harder when you face him and he gently strokes your hair to soothe you. his touch is far from comforting and it’s nothing like how keigo played with your hair earlier. 

“you missed me that much?” he chuckles as he wipes away your tears with his calloused thumbs. you’re too afraid, you can’t even muster any reaction no matter how much you want to, you can only weep in his hold. 

“i know i was happy when i saw you,” his lips curl into a grin before it swiftly turns into an unpleasant scowl as he replays the scene inside his head. “until you decided to whore out for my friend. right. in. my. fucking. face.”  

you quickly shake your head to deny his accusation. well, it’s true that he’s friends with keigo but how could you have known? you couldn’t even see him when a girl was literally sucking off his face when you came up to their table! let alone the fact he never introduced you to his friends while you were together!

“n-no– i didn’t know–” 

an abrupt loud pang echoes throughout the room. it was so quick but now, somehow, you suddenly feel a stinging pain on your cheek. your eyes widen as your palm reaches for the burn on your skin, as if to reaffirm yourself that yes, you just got slapped by dabi. again.

“you don’t get to talk back.” he scoffs as he looks at you in irritation. 

your fear turns to anger and it suddenly gives you courage to defend yourself. you start to wail again and push his body away from you, to make an effort for him to walk out the door – to go away. you keep on pushing his chest and his hands whenever he tries to grab a hold of you. you’re aware that you look and sound hysteric but you just want him out. out of your house, out of your life forever. 

of course, it’s a pathetic display to dabi. he went through this with you before, you’d never win against him and it would never make the slightest change. he’s two times your size, a little push won’t budge him. it only annoys him more. 

dabi easily grabs your wrists with one of his hands while his other free hand grabs you by the hair from the back of your head, yanking your head to tilt upwards. understanding that this is your utter defeat, you can only manage to sob helplessly again. 

“you didn’t know?” he growls. “you did it just to spite me, didn’t you?” 

you try to shake your head no, but the stinging pain from your scalp won’t allow you. 

“did you fuck him?” 

you don’t answer, not even a nod or a shake of your head as you only continue crying. 

“did you,” he clutches harder and causes you to wail louder, “or did you not?” 

you’re convinced anyone can hear you through the wall but what are the chances for your neighbors to actually want to get involved this early in the morning? especially when they’re the type to only mind their own business.

“fuck. you did.” he sees the distinctive bruise on your neck and finally pushes you free from his grasps – as if the sight of it makes him feel disgusted that another man had already fucked you. but it’s okay! he can turn that around and make it right. “you’re gonna make up for me, yeah?” 

you swallow hard as you look at him, unsure if you can speak so you carefully manage a timid whisper, “wh-what do you mean?” 

dabi's lips tug into a smirk. he’s glad you asked. 

“i’m gonna fuck you and you’re gonna take it. i’m gonna make you forget about that asshole.” 

you shake your head no and start to crawl away but dabi is quick to grab and pull you back to him. if you had a book about yourself, he already finished reading it. he knows you like the back of his hand by now and you both know that.

dabi positions you on your knees, cheek rests on the hard, wooden floor so you can directly stare at the wall and pushes your back down into a desirable arch that gives the best view of your ass for him. when you try to wriggle out from his rough grasps on your hips, he gives a hard slap on your ass.

“doll, it won’t hurt if you behave.” he chuckles darkly as he pulls his pants along with his briefs down to his knees before pushing the hem of your dress up to your waist, revealing the panties that were peeking in front of him earlier.

“dabi, please. don’t do this.” you glance back towards him pleadingly but he only snickers in amusement.

“shh, i’ll be gentle this time.” he takes off the flimsy fabric down to your knees before rubbing your clit in circles with his thumb and he continues doing so until he feels a wet slick slowly starting to drool from your cunt. with a stroke of his tongue, he laps off your juices and hums at the taste that fills his buds. oh how he missed it, how he always adored how you tasted in his mouth. 

you bite your lip to suppress any whimpers when his warm tongue glides on your throbbing clit ravenously. it shouldn’t feel good, but it does. you keep reminding how much you hate him and the millions of reasons why but god, he’s so good, it’s leaving your mind in a haze. he still remembers where and how to make you ache for him. unlike him with other girls, he memorized every inch of your body because you’re just that special to him.

dabi glances at you to see how your brows are already knitted together as you close your eyes shut and your lips pressing into a thin line to try not to entertain him with any sort of reaction. it’s so endearing. 

dabi pulls away and slaps your ass, “you like that, doll?” 

you keep quiet and refuse to look at him but he is quick to draw your attention to him as he rubs the tip of his cock along your sloppy folds, coating his cock with your slick and nudges on your clit with his tip while your body trembles underneath him. he spits on your cunt before he presses the tip of his cock in, causing you to gasp at his thick girth. 

“so fucking –” he grunts as he pushes inside through your walls, “tight.” 

you whimper as you feel him stretch you out but once you quickly get used to it, you subconsciously buck your hips closer to him to take him more. dabi chuckles in amusement when he sees how you easily give in and stroke his ego by submitting yourself to him. he knows he could never be replaced. he knows how your tight cunt still remembers how his cock felt inside you.

he groans in deeply as he starts to thrust his cock in and out of you before picking up into a much brutal pace and your nails start to claw and dig the plain floor, “t-too much, dabi!” 

your cries fall into deaf ears as he drowns himself into his own pleasure while you try your best to take him in until you’re quick to acclimatize to his rhythm and you start to mindlessly slip out moans after moans from your lips in a sinful chant. 

dabi smirks arrogantly as he watches you becoming a mess for him and he leans down closer, causing the tip of his cock to hit your cervix each time he rams inside. “bet he didn’t fuck you this good, hmm? bet you were– fuck– thinking of my cock instead.” 

your mind is hazy as you’re succumbed into your carnal desire, already fucked dumb by his thick cock to even build coherent sentences so a few single ‘yes’ are the only thing you can manage to say. 

“you’re clamping down on me baby,” he laughs. “gonna cum in this tight cunt, yeah?” 

his words send a jolt of electricity down to your core and your breath begins to hitch as you’re able to feel your third orgasm for the night begin to wash over your body. dabi realizes this as he feels your body shaking under him and your walls contracting around his cock. he takes this chance to slow down his pace so he can hear you beg for him. he wants to be reminded that only he can make you feel this good. not his friend keigo, no one. 

“w-wanna cum!” you whine in desperation as your hips buck to meet his thrusts. 

“yeah? say my name.” he taunts. to be calling for his name in a situation like this is humiliating enough and he lives for this moment. he loves how he’s able to turn you into a dumb, drooling mess for his cock and itching for a release.

“d-dabi, please.”

“whose fucking pussy is this?” he gives a deep thrust as he emphasizes the word, making you yelp in surprise. 

“y-yours!” 

“you’re goddamn right.” he continues to pound into your tight cunt relentlessly before his hand reaches to press down and rub your clit with his thumb, just enough to make you see stars and lips part in a silent scream as you finally come undone. 

dabi groans as he feels your walls clamping around his cock, his nails already forming red, crescent shapes as he continues to chase after his own orgasm. 

“fuck– i’m gonna fill up this pussy.” his thrusts begin to stutter as he feels his climax washes through him and his cock twitches inside you before he releases hot cum inside you. 

dabi’s grins proudly as he watches your limp body slumped down against the floor as he pulls out his cock. he makes sure to put back the dripping cum inside your cunt with his finger, making you shriek weakly from overstimulation. 

the both of you say nothing as he picks you up and takes you to your room. both are too drained for any further arguments and he’s glad that you’re not trying to make a fuss anymore. he puts you on your bed and you swiftly turn to your side before feeling the bed dips behind you as he puts his weight down on it. 

dabi wraps his arm around you and presses your back to his chest. you went through so much tonight, you can’t even bother to cry anymore and you’re too numb to process all your feelings right now. you don’t know what will happen tomorrow instead you wish it won’t come at all. 

“we’ll start over.” a faint voice suddenly cracks the silent room.

you want to laugh. with your clouded mind, you can’t make up whether it’s dabi who just said it or is it only a voice in your mind that subconsciously replays the same damn sentences that you heard way too often after each time you were laid bruised and limp on the bed, in the exact same position as you and dabi are now. nonetheless, you remain still and ignore it as your eyelids start to feel too heavy to keep your eyes open and your vision fades into darkness, despite the warm orange morning glow looming in the corner of the room as the sun begins to rise. 

duskamethyst © 2020 • do not modify, translate or repost anywhere.

[helenazbmrskai]

Shush

Wow. I think this is the filthiest and the most messed up shit I’ve ever written in my whole life send me holly water pls (after you enjoyed reading this duh) I don’t know how this idea popped up in my mind one night but yeah don’t come at me.

💊Title ‹ Shush ›

💊Pairing ‹ Jimin x OC (f) ›

💊Genre ‹ adopted brother au, forbidden/unhealthy romance, smut, angst › 

💊Summary ‹ Forbidden fruit always taste the sweetest and when the fruit comes in the form of an innocent boy it’s even sweeter. ›

💊Warnings ‹ emotional manipulation, discussions about an incurable disease, unhealthy relationship dynamics, some fluff, multiple smut scenes filthy so be aware!, mention (and brief description) of sexual fantasies, sub! Jimin, soft domme! OC, teasing, mention of porn watching, brief imagined masturbation, corruption kink, first time, virgin! Jimin, blowjob, handjob, good boy Jiminie, jealous OC, oral (f), fingering, unprotected sex (don't do this be safe!), exhibitionism, marking/biting, almost getting caught, dirty talk, riding, pls keep in mind that this is only fiction! don’t do this folks ›

💊Word count ‹ 6k ›

💊Masterlist

Brushing the snowflakes off my coat’s shoulder, I take a look around the spacious living room soaking in the warmth and waiting for my fingers to defrost, hearing nothing besides the wind that blows outside. Checking the clock on the wall I recall that mom should be still at work at this time around, nothing’s new.

I silently make my way upstairs then halting once I’m in front of Jimin’s bedroom door that has a big J on it. Mom would be upset if she knew I didn’t check on him first thing when I got home so I knocked once then twice before I heard muffled noises from the other side and the shuffle of sheets followed by a loud bang of something hard suddenly hitting the ground. The sound itself quite concerningly rings in your ears.

”Are you alright?” I place my palm on the wooden surface concentrating on the noises that I faintly hear filtering through the door, biting down on my lip as I still didn’t get an answer from him.

”Ok. I’m coming in!” I tell him after a couple of seconds of silence, I gave him enough time to yell out that he’s fine. I’m ready to burst through the door when his voice squeaks out a tiny unconvincing ’I’m good.’ but my hand is already on the doorknob. His body lays slightly off the bed when I enter his room, the bed under him is unmade and his hair is dishevelled sticking to different angles from all the tossing and turning looking soft, wearing only a thin white shirt and pyjama pants to bed. Probably haven’t gotten up from it all day.

”You fell off the bed again?” I chuckle, sending him an amused look spiced with an arched eyebrow – it’s not the first time I see him in this position – shaking my head from side to side, though my eyes reveal that I’m not angry just amused. I grab both his knees and help him to lay flat against the pillows just like he was most likely laying before. His eyes glow like a lightstick with a beaming smile on his face.

”Y/N, you’re home early.” Arching up a brow himself he situates his body to rest his back against the headboard interrogating the cause of my early arrival with a slightly hoarse voice. Jimin looks into a specific direction frequently enough for me to spot his staring. I reply to his statement with a roll of my eyes brushing his hair gently to the side after I checked he indeed has no fever. Giving him the benefit of the doubt that I have no idea he’s trying to hide something I smile back.

I scan through his room hoping to find out by the order of things are placed what he was doing before I got home, it’s easy to spot the differences since I’m the one who usually cleans in here but besides his laptop that sits on the far end of the bed instead of the desk, nothing else seems out of place.

”Why? Were you doing something you shouldn’t be?” I grin, at first the question was intended to be innocent but watching how Jimin’s face contorts into a scandalized look I know he’s up to no good. His expression soon gets replaced with shyness unintentionally a boyish blush spreads across his rosy cheeks. It gets me even more curious.

He gained some weight over the past weeks so his features are almost healthily filled out, the new medication seems to work better than the doctors had anticipated and right now he has minimal symptoms.

Mom must be pleased by the outcome, he regained so much colour to his pale skin too. I witnessed all his ups and lows, I still remember the day I met him. He was in a bad shape, bedridden, so pale and skinny like a skeleton. He couldn’t even sit up on his bed to greet me and when he opened his eyes hearing my mom’s voice calling out to him I came face to face with his teary eyes, hands grabbing his chest to ease the pain that he felt crawling his way up from under his ribcage as a silent tear rolled down his cheeks. He got better when mom decided to take him out of the care system and switched doctors to look after his further treatment.

I regarded him as a responsibility at the beginning of our relationship made sure he took his medication between meals just like my mother instructed. Cleaned his room and made him food when my mother was busy with work. She’s a nurse at the local hospital, she left me alone with him a lot, her job consumes a lot of her time so I had to take care of him almost every day after school even had to take a few days off so I can stay at home when his condition started to get worse and he needed more supervision than usual.

Be that as it may, he had his better days that I started to like so much, spending time with him stopped being an obligation and instead, the time spent together started to be the highlights of my days.

Listening to his angelic laugh, having him listen to me talking about my day. No boy or man ever paid this much genuine attention to me, only him. He has his eyes only on me.

His fierce response makes me come to my senses, dragging me out of my own consuming thoughts.

”Of course not!” He defensively spats my hands away when I try to pinch his cheeks. He looks very pretty when the sun shines on his face. He looks like an angel.

”Oh really? I guess it’s fine then to show me your laptop’s search history. How about right now?” I move faster than he can snatch the device so I’m able to get it and open his tab before he even lets a leg down to plant his feet on the ground.

However, I was not expecting to find something this interesting in his log history. Looking between the screen and his red face I tilt my head to the side seemingly deep in my thoughts. It’s not that I never acknowledged the fact that he’s a man in his mid-twenties and because of his unfortunate susceptibility to having a systemic autoimmune disease he never had the chance to socialise like it’s a norm for most people. The only other’s he meet day by day are my mother and I since he can’t go out because of his photosensitivity.

Maybe I could blame the stars that never flickered out of his naive eyes for the past ten years I’ve known him for not thinking that Jimin could have dirty thoughts. Well, this porn page clearly states otherwise.

I know it’s inappropriate to think about Jimin, my adopted brother, in this way but I can’t find it in me to stop the spiralling thoughts.

Wondering if he masturbates while watching these videos when I’m in school. How he grabs his cock with shaky hands, cute fingers coated in his precum. Wondering if he uses the same hand to hold mine innocently after he did dirty things to himself. I subconsciously rub my thighs together to ease some of the tension that gathered between my thighs, even fantasising about him makes me feel hot.

I feel bad thinking about him inappropriately when he’s sick but I can’t seem to feel the shame when I look directly into his bright eyes now. The rational part of my brain screams that it’s inappropriate even though we are not blood-related.

Heck, not at all as mom adopted him when his last remaining family member, his father died ten years ago.

Jimin’s facial expression is like an open book I read him so well. Poor boy can’t even lie everything he thinks about is apparent on his pretty face.

Afraid that I’ll call him names he lowers his gaze, waiting for me to tell him that I’m disappointed and disgusted by him now that I discovered his dirty little secret that he rubs one out to porn but oh boy he has no idea. That I think about him in a way a sister shouldn’t. That there is nothing wrong with being curious. He has all the right to be. It’s easy to forget he’s older than me when I’m the more experienced one in everything.

”Hey it’s ok,” I get to my previous position, sitting down on the edge of his bed right next to his waistline. I curl a finger under his chin to level his face with mine, showing him a small smile indicating that everything’s gonna be alright.

”I watch porn sometimes too, there’s nothing to be ashamed of here Jiminie. It’s only natural to be curious about it. It’s human nature.” He avoids making eye contact but a tiny nod in my direction shows me that he’s listening.

”If you want I promise I’ll forget that this ever happened. Do you want that honey?” Nudging his pinky with mine I offer him the chance to change the topic to something light.

”You won’t tell mom about it, right?” Nodding my head in agreement I assure him that this piece of information can be our secret and no one has to know that this conversation ever happened. It appears to calm him down gradually as he finally reciprocates my gaze and sighs in relief. What you didn’t expect to hear after that, however, was an explanation of why he started watching porn.

”I want to know how it feels.” Jimin admits shyly, looking around to avoid my eyes as he tells me his hidden thoughts and I find him truly endearing. The previous tense atmosphere seems to completely fade away as Jimin relaxes his muscles against the bedsheet and opens up his heart.

”What? Sex?” I asked, watching his reactions closely as I experimentally place my palm above his right knee. An innocent touch.

Jimin shivers into the contact but other than that nothing remarkably changes in his behaviour or posture. He pays careful attention to not let his feelings show up on his otherwise expressive face. Cute. Sooner or later I’ll know how he really feels about my advances as he can’t keep pretending for long. He was never good at it.

”Yes. They seem to like it so much when I’m watching those videos.” Humming approvingly I rest a manicured nail at the edge of his waistband, this earns a sharp inhale of breath but he doesn’t try to remove my touch that indicates he’s not uncomfortable with me touching him. He doesn’t seem bothered, just a little sheepish.

”You know, a video is nothing compared to the real thing.” I let a single finger slide under his shirt drawing circles into his hipbone eyes watching the way his chest moves up and down a little faster at that.

”What a shame that you don’t know pretty girls to have sex with.” Deciding it’s time to remove my hand I’m letting the limb fall to my side lazily. Jimin’s lips immediately form a pout after I stop making advances on his body, showing me that he was expecting something more. All this time I thought he doesn’t see me like I see him but maybe I was wrong assuming that. Gaining confidence I decide it’s time to push his buttons a little more.

”I’m sure girls would form long lines to get into your pants baby. I wouldn’t be surprised since you are so pretty.” The praise makes his ears bright red, mother did a good job with giving him a boyish undercut a good fashion choice to leave the tips longer so I can easily comb my fingers through it, curling a few strays behind his ears.

”Y-Y/N.” A breathy moan leaves his lips as I kiss the underside of his jaw on impulse, finding stability by grabbing onto his thighs to lean closer and breathe in his clean scent. I push him against the headboard but he doesn’t mind it at all, too lost in the moment, feeling my lips on his throat to register any pain.

I pull away slightly to reconnect our eyes. Jimin licks his dry lips, not having anyone to talk to until I arrived home, he kept his mouth shut only feeling now how dry his throat is all of the sudden.

A ghost of a smile appears in the corner of my mouth as I realise Jimin is watching my lips not even trying to conceal his desire to have another taste of the forbidden fruit. This is so wrong but his lips are so light against mine, afraid that if I apply pressure somehow this moment will end and I don’t want this to ever end but as the saying goes, nothing lasts forever in life.

The magical moment ends when I hear my mother’s voice from downstairs. ”Y/N, Jimin I’m home!”

The cheerful voice of my mother abruptly interrupts our first shared kiss, not letting him chase the taste of my cherry lip balm I place a small peck on his nose instead yelling back that we’re upstairs and we’ll be down in a minute.

”No need to rush,” I peck his forehead this time, giving his face small kisses to lift his mood. It’s comical how disappointed he looks with his nose scrunched up adorably. He really has no shame as he sighs licking his lips to taste the remaining flavour of our kiss.

”We can continue this tomorrow, we have so much time, I promise...”

And continue we do. True to my word I comply with his request pulling the oversized t-shirt over my head to reveal him my black lacy bra and the curve of my waist. His eyes devour the new uncovered flesh hands lingering in the air itching to touch my bare skin but too shy to do it without my permission. He remains frozen in the act. Dreamy eyes watching my reaction to his shy movements silently asking for a sign that it is alright to touch. He’s so curious he wants to hear those noises the couples always make in his videos.

I nod putting him out of his misery cradling his hand in mine to place the warm palm onto my covered breast I guide his movements fondling the flesh, his touch feels good despite the barrier between his skin and mine.

Slipping his hand under the cup his finger comes into contact with my nipple I show him how to circle the bud until it gets erect a small sigh escaping my lips. I had the sudden urge to steal a kiss so I leaned in to grab the back of his neck and crush our lips together no tongue just lips touching sweetly.

I removed his touch to intertwine our fingers placing both of our hands to rest against the bed leaning into his mouth more.

”Is that all that you want me to do?” I murmur the words into his mouth, encouraging him to say more, to do more. Jimin swallows the saliva in his mouth gaze significantly cloudy as he stares into my eyes, shaking his head. He got so far the current thoughts in his head are clearly not about stopping anytime soon.

”What else do you want then?” I press him to answer my question, following the line of his upper lip with my thumb smearing the lip balm that got transferred from my lips to his while kissing, Jimin took a shaky breath before opening his mouth.

”Y-your tongue.” His tongue seemingly came out subconsciously to wet his lips I closed my eyes moaning at the sinful image. He really did his research, I’m about to give him everything he wants if he keeps up with these innocent yet so dirty looks.

”Where do you want it?” I grin moving closer so our thighs are firmly pressed together letting go of his hand to cup his face with both hands. Bending my head to peck the outline of his vein on his neck his pulse quickens under my touch. Pleased to have had such a great effect on him.

”In my mouth.” He squeaks out his response when I bite into his shoulder careful not to really pierce his skin but let him feel a moderate amount of pain mixed with his pleasure. I smooth my tongue where I bit making sure that I don’t leave any marks on his perfect skin. I don’t want our mother to ask questions later.

”Hm,” I hum into his neck satisfied by the answer before lining our faces again to fulfil his wish. ”Open.” As soon as I command his lips part obediently waiting for me to slip my tongue into his awaiting mouth.

”Jimin. Can I touch you?” I sigh into his mouth, he tastes so sweet I can’t seem to get my fill as I discover every corner of his hot cavern licking the roof teasing him before letting our wet muscles touch in a heated battle for dominance. Jimin gets greedy soon as he pushes my tongue back to do the exploration of his own, the kiss turns sloppy and too much saliva. Hands clutching onto the duvet under him grounding his body swimming in euphoria from falling too deep into the feeling.

”Yes, please.” Our eyes open slightly to watch each other my mouth founds the corner of his lips then the side of his cheek and jaw before diving back in parting his lips with my tongue to continue tasting him.

With a feather-light touch, I snake my hands upwards his thin frame and tiny waist feels so fragile under my fingers. I want to pepper his torso with my kisses pushing his body down using his shoulders to see his weight bounce on the bed. But I can’t get so ahead of myself, Jimin deserves to be worshipped like the angel he is.

”Lay down on your back Jiminie.” I smile seeing how obedient he is following my orders without any complaints or questions. He trusts me so much.

The thought alone that he is under me letting me have my ways with him makes my underwear sit uncomfortably against my heat when I move my legs to straddle his hips I feel how drenched I am for him. So pretty and so eager under me as his head rests on the pillows he truly looks like an innocent angel.

I motion for Jimin to raise his arms so I can get rid of his shirt and finally do what I intended to do and kiss his body starting from his collarbones all the way to the line where his pyjama pants hide the delicious lines of his hip bones.

I press kisses of praises into his shoulder blades moving down following the line of his sternum to give attentive licks and pecks all over his stomach feeling his muscles tensing under my lips whines and other sweet sounds slipping out of his parted lips as he breathes heavily through his nose with his eyes closed.

When I let a couple of fingers slide under his pants I realise the lack of material under my touch. He’s not wearing his boxers. The outline of his dick is evident when I look down he’s not that long but where he lacks his grith makes up for it as I can already imagine how good he would feel buried in me stretching my walls so good.

”Do you want me to touch your pretty cock darling?” I don’t forget to ask for permission even though by now I can clearly see how much he wants all this. The sight itself, how his member strains against the concealing fabric is an awfully clear giveaway of his growing desires. Jimin maintains our eye contact with hooded eyes nodding his head fervently before he can confirm his needs with words. His body burns but not with fever.

”I..yes, please. I w-want you to.” Jimin squirms waiting for me to do something that would relieve some of the tension in his joints. His cock feels heavy in my hand ready to sink into my cunt anytime, I can’t wait to put my mouth around it first but I have to be patient. I circle a digit around the tip testing how much precum he has for me.

Holding the digit up to my lips I taste the slightly salty substance humming approvingly. Tugging his pants down I get to work giving a kiss to the tip before coating his member with my saliva so I can lubricate his shaft enough so it won’t hurt him. His whole body shakes when my mouth makes contact with his cock his virgin body overwhelmed with the new sensation the little pleasure already too much for him to handle.

I make a mental note about grabbing some lube on my way home tomorrow so I can be prepared for situations like this. My lips suddenly widen into a Cheshire grin as I deliver the last lick all the way up to the hilt replacing my mouth with my hand.

”Jiminie look here for a little.” I coax him to open his eyes again with a sweet voice. ”Like that darling.” I praise him when his eyes met mine, choosing the moment his gaze connects with mine to use the same hand that pleasured him to glide under my jeans and underwear mixing my arousal with his precum I moan for the show as I rub my clit before collecting my essence so I can use it on his dick giving him the needed extra lubricant.

Jimin’s eyes don’t stay open for long when I finally touch him properly with the intent of making him cum. He can’t seem to keep his moans and throaty whines to himself as I give him a confident grip increasing the speed of my wrist when his whines became more high pitched his body gives away all the signs when he shakes under my touch that he’s close embarrassingly fast but I don’t mind, it’s his first time after all. We can always work on his stamina later.

”Relax baby and just enjoy this.” I encourage him to let go, massaging his thighs with my free hand to relax his strained muscles, slowing down my strokes but give special treatment to the tip collecting the forming precum. ”There’s no need for you to hold back.” I peck his hip picking up my pace again for a few moments longer before taking him into my mouth waiting for him to cum swirling my tongue over the tip repeatedly.

”Y-Y/N.” My name comes out in moans like a broken record when he finally lets all the tension seep away from his body letting the building pleasure force him into submission as he cums into my mouth his body goes limp when the pleasure fades away after I let him ride out his high with gentle licks.

I place the duvet over his sleepy form after I help him back into his clothes, tucking him in as I kiss his cheek to say ’sleep tight’ with the gesture.

I toss the food around on my plate in front of me tentatively listening to the conversation held between my parent and her guest but not engaging, sinking my fork into the broccoli angrily as I hear Natalie’s sugar-coated voice destined for only Jimin’s ears to catch.

She leeched herself onto him as soon as she stepped into this house annoying me with saying stuff like ’you have such a nice brother’ just to emphasise my relation to him. Even my mom takes her side saying that they look cute together.

I know she wants Jimin to socialise, that’s why this dinner is purposefully held in the first place but I can’t seem to show a different emotion than disgust when I look at Natalie trying to woo my Jimin. She will never know how he sounds when he’s about to blow his load or how he would taste against her tongue because only I can see that side of him no one else, and especially not her.

  His ears are red from her constant compliments and I swear I even saw her hand grip his shoulder when she laughed about something my mom said, he shies away from her because he never kept a conversation going on with another girl that wasn’t me or my mom before but that doesn’t mean jealousy doesn’t bubble up in my chest when he doesn’t deny her advances explicitly.

The dinner continues for an awfully long time before I could excuse myself from the table to hide away in my room and peacefully start yelling into my pillow to relieve my pent up frustration throughout this unpleasant meal.

Either Jimin genuinely didn’t have a clue what she was implying or he was aware but fine with it I don’t want to waste any more time and watch her all over him. I continued sulking in my room when I heard a knock on my door grunting a ’yes’ before I resembled smashing my keyboard I suddenly felt the urge to complete that assignment I procrastinated on so I can keep my mind focused on something else.

I avert my gaze from the screen to see who’s my intruder but I refocus on my computer when I see it’s Jimin. I’m not in the mood to talk to him right now since the picture of Natalie all over him is the first image to enter my mind.

”What? Dinner’s over so soon?” I’m careful to use an unaffected tone when I speak up, holding myself back from making eye contact even though I would love to see his face, we haven’t got time all day to talk or cuddle at all since I had to help my mother all evening to prepare for this dinner that was a waste of time anyway.

Jimin stays silent not bothering to answer my question but I still refuse to look at him as I pretend to be absorbed in my work. Even if it’s far from reality when the only thing consuming my thoughts right now is that I want him to tell me no one else is going to touch him only I can make him feel that good. That he wants. No, needs only me.

”A-are you angry? Please don’t be.” I still don’t turn around and looks like it makes him desperate for my attention he thugs at my blouse but I don’t react.

I want him to panic take over his body so he won’t do this to me again. I have to busy my fingers with typing so I don’t move to card my fingers through his locks like I long to do when he lays his head on my lap kneeling on the ground to do so. I don’t push his head away but doesn’t react either.

Half an hour passes in this manner, only my typing is heard in the otherwise silent room Jimin’s head still resting on my thighs hands circling my waist. I’m halfway done with my assignment when I feel Jimin’s nose nudge my centre. I showered after I excused myself from the dinner to blow off some steam and calm down grabbing only a pair of underwear and a shirt to cover my body with.

Jimin placed a kiss on my clothed clit making my body jerk in surprise forcing me with his bold actions to finally look at him our gaze locks as soon as I look down. Jimin folds the sides of my blouse so he can get access to the rest of my underwear following my panty line with his nose.

”Can I make it up to you?” Jimin looks up with innocent eyes that have my stomach twist in excitement but I try not to show him how much he can affect me as well. I’ll still make him pay for his actions.

”So you know you did something wrong.” I scoff but it ends up in a gasp when he licks the front of my underwear without a warning.

I grip his hair to keep him in place holding him close enough so his head still rests on my thighs but not that close to letting him lick my centre again. He’s playing dangerous games right now but I don’t know if I have it in me to be gentle with him.

”You should stop before I can’t guarantee that I won’t lose my control.” I warn him through my gritted teeth, closing my eyes for a moment to focus on my breathing, his eyes grew bigger for a moment before the previous shocked expression morphs into something else.

He can’t reach my cunt from where he’s restrained by my hands so he licks the inner side of my thigh his teeth nibbling on my sensitive skin.

  I loosen my grip on his hair smoothing the silky locks out of his eyes but he cleverly uses the gesture to scoot forward and have another taste placing a more confident lick stretching the rubberband side of my panty with his teeth sliding his hands over my stomach that was previously so obediently circling my waist.

”You don’t have to do it.” I remind him, feeling out of breath from his kitten licks over my clothed mound.

”I know.” Jimin replies with a sweet smile adorning his face before he pulls my underwear down my legs slowly, watching with interest as I part my legs so he can have a good look at my glistening core.

”The girls from the videos always like it when the boy does this.” Jimin murmurs under his breath absentmindedly before rubbing my clit with his fingertips his digits dipping lower to catch where most of my arousal gathers a single digit nudging my entrance. I part my legs more so he can get more comfortable between them I let him get familiar with my most intimate part before I pull his hand away with shaky fingers.

”Taste it.” I order for him to pop his fingers into his mouth licking my arousal clean from them and he doesn’t disappoint as he does.

Now that his fingers are coated with his saliva I guide it back to my core. ”Want your finger in me.” I throw my head back when he enters, my walls sucking his finger in his movements are inexperienced and uncoordinated but I let him experiment until he gets the hang of it, and oh when he does. His one finger turns into two soon as he finds the best way to pound into my wet cunt curling the digits just the right way to make me see stars. ”Doing so good Jiminie.” I tell him between heavy pants as the rhythmical hard thrusts of his fingers starts to become too much to handle I feel my insides tighten just like my walls tighten around his fingers getting closer and closer.

I open my eyes to watch him lean down his hair tickling my inner thighs as he nestles between my legs licking at my clit while the movement of his hand never falters, the new stimulus that his visual between my legs and his tongue on my nub adds to the feeling, making me come undone around his fingers.

”Stand up baby.” I motion for him to stand as well, his finger slips out of my hole, with a confused expression plastered on his face but doesn’t question my intentions as he obligates standing on his wobbly feet I let him sit down to where I was before straddling his hips.

”Are you going to let me ride your cock? Make you mine?” I ask him using my sweetest tones before slowly kissing his lips making sure to map out his mouth once more before turning my attention to kiss the expanse of his neck.

”Yes. Fuck yes.” The way how the curse word slipped through his mind without him noticing is endearing, he can always surprise me with something doesn’t matter how much time I dedicate to learning his body and soul, he’ll always have layers to discover. These good days sometimes even weeks when his illness hides its ugly face into the background are so precious that I wish we could always be like this.

I situate my body so I can pull his sweats down I pleasantly discover that he doesn’t wear his underwear when his dick slaps against his stomach. I reach for one of the drawers where I know I placed the lube.

I squeeze some into my hand before wrapping my fingers around his fully hardened shaft smearing the lube over him Jimin whines when he feels the cold liquid hit his hot member moaning once I roll my wrist the way he seems to like so much. Have enough of the foreplay I position him in front of my entrance making eye contact with him before taking him in letting him have the chance of backing out.

Jimin’s thighs shake as I take him in fully he tries muffling his moans by biting down on my shoulder so our guests don’t find out what we are doing in my room. With a smirk on my face, I roll my hips getting the best responses as Jimin tries to hold back his cries tightening his hold on my waist to slow my thrusts down but I don’t listen to him as I start to grind down on him letting his member pull out almost all the way before sinking down enjoying how good he fills me up.

I slow down as a knock is heard at my door Jimin’s eyes widen in fear but I don’t let him move an inch as I silently take my seat with his cock buried between my folds he holds back a moan when I clench around him.

”Mom?” I call out to her, my voice a bit shaky but I was able to mask it away enough that it doesn’t sound suspicious.

”Are you alright? Can I come in?” I hear her worried voice, she probably heard Jimin’s louder cries and she thinks something’s wrong. At this moment I’m really glad that my mom is very dense.

”I’m feeling unwell so I’m going to sleep immediately but you go and have fun with the guests don’t worry.” I offer her my reply as I circle my waist can’t keep still as Jimin’s dick feels heavenly it shouldn’t turn me on as much as it does seeing how pathetically he tries to prevent my mother from hearing his moans but his innocent facade can’t fool me as I feel him twitch inside me as I talk to my mother while he’s balls deep in my cunt. I wonder if he wants us to get caught or that he would like me to fuck him in front of Natalie on our dining table so she can see she never had a chance with him.

”Fine but come and get me if you need anything.” She leaves with these last words without further protests and I thank her while bouncing on Jimin’s lap silencing his cries by kissing him hard. 

”What mom would think if she saw you in this situation Jiminie? Fucking me while you pretend to be an angel in front of her. Kissing her cheek with the same lips that were buried between my legs moments prior.” I whisper next to the shell of his ear he lets out embarrassed whines but I can feel him enjoy how I fuck myself using him.

My thighs ache as I increase the pace feeling so close again I guide Jimin’s hand between our bodies to make him rub at my clit he does it messily but it’s enough stimulation as I cum again watching as Jimin’s eyes squeezed shut close to reach his own high.

[serenasoutherlyns]

Not a Summer Crush Part Five

a/n: i haven't been doing this on purpose, but i keep alternating, long chapter followed by short chapter. i think the longest is 6k words and this one is 2.5k-ish, my apologies for its shortness. but!! this one has everyone's favorite Rita Calhoun, jealousy, Serena Southerlyn's meddling tactics, middle school, and even graduate school. enjoy, and remember any feedback is appreciated more than you all could ever know.

Part Five

When Alex got home from work that evening, she finally had a moment to process that day’s moment on the courthouse steps. She texted Serena, trying to fit all the pieces together in her head.

Alex: What the hell?

Serena: ?

Alex: Serena!

Serena: Yes?

She gave up on coherent texting and decided to call her friend instead.

---

Casey was confusing herself again. Having second thoughts was not how she would put it. No, she was still sure of what she wanted (as sure as she was going to be, doing something very new and all), it was the methods that were bothering her. Namely, that she felt like she had none.

Alex had been difficult early on. The beginning was, in most respects, the most difficult time of their relationship. They had both been in rough patches, trying to be different people than they’d been before, and Casey thought, hoped, they’d both been successful. Alex had found a sense of balance and justice that guided her to powerful places. And Casey could look around her life and point lots of little things out: the tennis racquet beside her softball bat, their well-stocked kitchen, the literary journals lined up in a row on her bookshelf, little markers of stability and self-assuredness that reminded her how she’d changed and stayed the same over the years. She hadn’t felt this untethered since she kissed Alex for the first time.

“Casey, it’s called having a crush,” Rita said after she explained herself over a scotch.

---

“What’s going on, Alex?” Serena’s voice came over the speakerphone as Alex set it down on the countertop.

“Do you want to tell me why you asked my second chair out on the courthouse steps in the middle of the afternoon on a Wednesday?”

Serena laughed at her. “I don’t think I did,” she said.

“Hey, Caroline,” Alex mocked Serena’s slightly husky voice, “Won’t you please reserve me a spot on your dance card this weekend?” She said as she popped the cork out of a bottle of wine with an angry pop as punctuation.

“I don’t talk like that,” Serena said. “And all I did was tell her I wanted to dance, I don’t think I asked her for anything, in fact.”

“I don’t remember it like that.”

“So it’s on your mind, huh.”

“Shut up.”

“Oh my god.” Alex thought of what to say as she sipped.

“I mean,” Serena filled the silence, “If you aren’t going to, I will, you know?”

“Serena!” Alex all but yelled into the phone.

“Uh-huh,” she replied, “that’s what I thought.” She paused for a moment, then said, “I wasn’t

asking her out, I was giving you a reason to go dancing with her again.

“I don’t follow.”

“Sure you don’t. Look, I’ll make a groupchat with you, Casey, me and Caroline, and make plans in there, thus implying that all of us are going. It’s simple.”

“What?” Alex asked, actually not following her friend at this point.

“Just let it happen, Lex. Where is Casey, anyway?”

Alex swirled her wine around. “Rita absconded with her after work today. She said it was something about a case.”

“I don’t think they’re opposing one another on anything right now,” Serena said.

“I’ve learned not to ask questions,” Alex said, referencing the schemes Rita and her wife liked to pull occasionally. Then, realizing what she might be implying, she said, “Remember Sophie’s birthday last year?” and was answered with Serena’s light laugh from the other end of the call.

---

Casey’s eyes widened. “Yeah, I guess so.” Rita was surprised that Casey didn’t fight her on it. She decided to push.

“So, when are you going to ask her out?” Casey looked at her.

“We haven’t like, set a date,” she said. “Do people usually set dates for that kind of thing?

“They usually have a plan of some kind, I think. I mean, I do.”

Rita’s phone buzzed three times, two texts and a photo from Pippa. She didn’t hide her nerves fast enough for Casey to miss it. She shot her friend a look over her glass, saying, “you have a plan, right?”

Rita rolled her eyes. “Stop deflecting.” This time it was Casey’s turn to get the notifications.

New Groupchat (4)

Serena: So, Saturday night, right? Where?

Caroline: Why don’t you meet me at my apartment? The place is kind of hard to find.

Serena: Works for me. Alex? Casey?

Casey had no idea what the texts were about, suspected Serena of some kind of scheme.

Casey: Sure? But what are we doing?

Serena: Dancing!

Caroline: Dancing. Ashley’s on the road so I needed another partner.

Alex: We’re going dancing on Saturday.

Casey looked up from her phone to find an expectant Rita looking at her. “Apparently, I’m going dancing on Saturday.

“With Caroline?”

“And Alex. And Serena.”

Rita smiled wryly. “Good luck.”

---

“Okay, okay, order, order,” you said quieting the room of middle schoolers at the end of practice. “Remember, I can’t be there with you this weekend at the competition, and I have to leave early tonight,” you said, to a chorus of sighs, “I know, I know, I’m sorry. But you’ll all do great, I know it. Listen to your teachers, stick to your plans, and do your best.” The adoring eyes of the team were all on you. “And, if you win, I’ll buy you pizza. Deal?”

Nothing motivates tweens like a pizza party, but you weren’t worried about their performance. If nothing else, you knew Ophélie was a zealous team captain, putting it delicately. She had learned to be persistent from you, which was great at a competition, more annoying when she had chores. You gave her a quick hug and kiss on the cheek as you said goodbye to the team, despite her “no affection in public rule” (because the nature of the adolescent is to be embarrassed), and sent a text to Casey letting her know you’d be out soon.

When you saw her waiting for you outside the school building, your heart skipped a beat. It was that same feeling that you’d felt when Alex was in your apartment-- an intimacy that should’ve felt unusual, out of place, instead felt perfectly natural and comfortable. You hugged in greeting, grateful that you’d all decided that would be acceptable affection for colleagues.

“You know,” you said, “You really didn’t have to come meet me here.” Casey shrugged.

“I wanted to. Nice sweater,” she said, teasing you. It was one of those summer evenings where the sunset had brought a cool breeze with it, and you’d stolen one of Ophélie’s uniform cardigans. It was simple and navy blue, but the school logo embroidered on the breast gave it away. The two of you walked together towards the nearest subway station.

“Thanks,” you said, in an unserious tone. “Where’s Alex?”

“She’s already at the bar,” Casey replied, “I was told to retrieve you before the announcement.”

“It can’t be any big surprise,” you said, wondering. “She’s been agonizing over these applications forever.”

“She’s Gillian. She agonizes.” You looked up at the buildings, lights beginning to come on in the apartment buildings and off in the offices. Casey looked at your lifted head and the way it created a line, sloping and elegant, jawline to neck to collarbone. She pushed one palm with the opposite thumb and bit her lip, thinking about her conversation with Rita. She was right, they needed a plan, or one of these days she was going to kiss you without thinking.

Your voice snapped her out of it, but she didn’t hear what you said. “Casey?”

“Sorry, what?”

“I asked if you were excited to come dancing again this weekend.” The two of you walked down the stairs to the subway station, you in front, looking over your shoulder as Casey answered you.

“Oh! Yes, I definitely am. I didn’t know that Serena could dance, Alex told me it was her idea.”

“Apparently she studied abroad. I’m glad she asked, though.” That gave the knot of jealousy in Casey’s stomach a tug. She had no right to be jealous, but she couldn’t help but feel it. Serena is beautiful, and single, she doesn’t work with them, she’s super smart and funny, and apparently she knows how to dance.

“I’m glad we’ll have enough people to switch up partners a couple times,” Casey said, assuaging the jealousy.

“That’s the best part,” you agreed.

---

You made it to the table just in time to hear the announcement.

The third announcement. It would appear that Rita had somehow gotten ahold on all of Gillian’s acceptance letters and was withholding them from the rest of the group (except, of course, for the honoree herself, who was happy to go along with the plan, not that she had much of a choice). Glasses were raised and congratulations expressed as Rita said, “the third acceptance is… Yale!”

Polite applause came around the table. Gillian smiled bashfully as everyone told her how proud they were. Of all of you, she was the only person smart enough (or crazy enough) to go back to school after navigating the complex legal world of New York City.

“Which ones did we miss?” Casey said as the two of you slid into the two open seats.

��She got into Columbia,” Serena said, “which means she could stay in Manhattan. A few glasses around the table were raised again, encouraging her to stay close.

“And Stanford,” Alex added. You shot Gillian an excited look, happy at the mention of your alma mater.

“How many more letters are there?” You asked. Rita checked the pile of envelopes in her hand.

“Two.”

As soon as Sophie noticed that neither you nor Casey yet had a drink, there were whiskeys in your hands. As soon as Serena remembered that you were returning from coaching a mock trial team, and remembering what she knew of Casey’s feelings about kids, she began to ask you questions. How was the team, what case are they presenting, do they love you, (truly who wouldn’t). She was almost tiring you out.

“Is she always this persistent?” you asked Alex, smiling at Serena as you did so. You had to know if your eyes were deceiving you, your wishful thinking getting the best of your powers of observation yesterday when you saw her jealous look.

You were correct.

Almost faster than could be perceived, Alex’s eyes narrowed, looking into Serena’s, not yours; as if to say what the hell are you doing. Raised shoulders, her fingers pressing slightly into the table, her tongue in the back of her throat: you’d seen enough jealous boyfriends (of women you were about to dance with, if you’re honest) in clubs to know what it looked like.

Well. That was going to be good information to have at your disposal. If nothing else, for

confirmation: that you weren’t crazy, that there was something there to notice, from both of them.

---

You would’ve considered your offer of your apartment more thoroughly had you initially understood that there would be four of you going out that Saturday night. You weren’t sure, at first, if Serena had been asking you out. Honestly, you would probably not turn her down if she did. It would certainly be a simpler path to take, and there was no denying that Serena was beautiful and smart. Of course, your affections were otherwise engaged.

But, since she had invited Casey and Alex along, you considered it more likely that she was “creating some amount of opportunity,” (a real thing you’d really heard her say once) than making a double date. It would make sense, you thought, if Alex had told her how she was feeling; and the more days that went by, the more little tender interactions, the more often you noticed her resting her eyes in your direction, the more confident you were that you weren’t making up the chemistry.

Casey was a little harder to read, but you had noticed she’d seemed slightly… preoccupied the last few times you’d been alone together. One thing you knew: their marriage was rock solid. Neither of them would do something without the others’ approval. You could only hope they had a plan. You didn’t-- unless trying to seem as desirable yet appropriate as possible could be considered a plan.

There were four people in your apartment. You couldn’t remember the last time you had people over to your place rather than Ashley and Ramin’s, so it felt especially cramped. You were each drinking a glass of wine (from Ramin’s fancy stash, you were not going to let them know just yet that the only wine you bought was two buck chuck), you and Serena were sitting on the barstools at your counter while Alex and Casey sat on the couch. You had your music collection on shuffle, which led to a few laughs at the funny combinations.

It was your turn to feel jealous, or maybe to yearn. You hoped that one of them would see the new collection of books sitting on your table: Marriage and Other Alternatives, More Than Two, and What Love Is (and what it could be). A quiet buzz of anticipation (or was it the wine?) pleasantly lodged itself in your mind as the four of you slung your bags over your shoulders and headed out for the night.

---

Pippa Cox touched her lipstick up in the mirror before returning to the table she was (finally) sharing with Rita Calhoun. For such a smart woman, Pippa had often thought, Rita was prone to running from her feelings. Having gotten her on this date was a feat indeed, even though she knew (the glances, the blushing, the way she would drift into her space, natural as anything) that they shared feelings. As Pippa sat down, Rita smiled.

Unfortunately, as Rita reached for her glass, her phone buzzed in her purse. She shrugged-- what was the point of texting when she was on a date? If it was a client, they would call her secretary who would call her. No need to fret.

“It’s nothing, I’m sure,” she said, reaching across the table to take Pippa’s hand in her own. She knew how difficult it had been for her to get back into dating, to trust anyone with her heart, which was part of why she had been so apprehensive to pursue her even though the attraction was there. She’d pinched herself when Pippa had been the one to ask, happy to be the pursued for once.

“Good,” Pippa said, “because I want you to myself tonight.” Rita nodded, bit her lip, and smiled. There was another buzz, then another, then another. Three in a row? The only people she knew who texted like that were Casey and Serena, both of whom had plans tonight.

Plans together, with Alex. Involving Caroline. She sighed, hoping that she wasn’t about to do something to hurt Pippa’s feelings. Pippa, to her credit, looked curiously at Rita’s bag as she opened it.

Notifications: 4 new messages.

Serena: This experience is simultaneously adorable and infuriating.

Serena sent a photo.

Serena sent a video.

Serena: I’m tempted to leave and let them figure it out.

Rita laughed to herself. The picture was a selfie of you four sitting at a booth, you and Alex on one side and Casey and Serena on the other. Serena had her head leaned on Casey’s shoulder, who looking across the table, while you were pressing a kiss to Alex’s cheek. Alex had a contented smile, and your table had evidence of more than a couple drinks for each of you. The video was one of you and Alex. You were holding one of her hands with the other wrapped around her waist. Alex looked terrified, poor thing, every body part was flying in the opposite direction. The sounds of Casey and Serena encouraging you both mixed with the horns and drums coming from the stage. Rita agreed with Serena, it was adorable and infuriating.

Rita: Well, that’s cute and maddening for sure.

Serena: I’ll send updates.

Rita: Tomorrow. Please don’t interrupt *my* date again, thank you.

Serena: OMG did she finally ask you out!?!??

Rita: TOMORROW.

Rita put her phone down, answering Pippa’s curious look with a wave of her hand. “Serena drama,” she said, and Pippa gave an understanding nod. “I made her promise to leave me alone for a while.” Pippa leant across the table and pecked Rita’s lips.

“Good.”

---

tags: @addictedtodinosaurs @nocreditinthestraightworld @cmmndrwidw @hi-i-1 @lesbianologist

[wildernessuntothemselves]

I Hate Me Now

Word Count: 6k 

Genre: Angst, smut 

Summary: You and Wonpil used to be lovers, soulmates even, before your priorities in life got in the way. You wanted to do anything to help your family, no matter how morally ambiguous it is, while Wonpil thought that doing the right thing was of the utmost importance, no exceptions. Now, facing off in court years later, all the old wounds gets torn open again and things finally come to a head.

A/N: *long fart noise* this fic had the potential to be something good but I fucked it up and I’m beyond even caring.

Warnings: inconsistent writing if you’ve ever seen one, kinda femdom, unhealthy as per usual, sad little story.

The neutral, slightly intimidating mask you put on everyday was the one most people were familiar with by now. You rarely showed your real emotions anymore, not since you had lost him. His departure brought on a profound change in your life. There had already been a rift growing between who you wanted to be and who you had to be in order to survive, but when he left he took any remaining idealism left in you with him. It’s funny that the reason he left you was because he couldn’t handle your diverging moral standings, yet it was precisely his departure that cemented the turn you had taken.

Now, with him standing opposite you in the courtroom, fighting for the opposing team, you feel your mask slipping. It was hard seeing him like this. Even though it’s been years already, not having him break into that breathtaking smile of his that was like an ingrained reflex as soon as his eyes would meet yours was disquieting. Now he just frowns and looks away; his big, beautiful eyes that used to be filled to the brim with a sort of dreamy goodness were now empty and tired.

Needless to say, you weren’t on your best game. You could hardly concentrate at all during the trial, and you can bet your ass that your boss knew about your abysmal performance before it even ended. As soon as you were out of the courtroom, he was calling to give you crap about it and condescendingly remarking that if you couldn’t handle such a big case then you should’ve left it to someone who actually knew what he was doing, emphasis on the ‘He’. You assured him that everything was under control and that this wouldn’t happen again. You were just caught off guard, not that you dared tell him that last part. This was a huge case and it could either make or break your career. You couldn’t afford to get distracted by the man you had once thought to be the love of your life, and might still do…

You had to do this for your family. But it seems the man in question intends to put your resolve to the test.

You don’t know how he found you. Perhaps he had followed you out of the courthouse. Did he hear you talking on the phone to your boss? You sure hope not, not when his mere presence was forcing you to face the fact that you never got over him after all, and you didn’t need him to see that. You had hoped that the time and distance would harden your heart and heal the wounds he had inflicted upon it but all it took was one look in his eyes for them to get ripped wide open again.

If nothing else, you wanted to keep your pride. He doesn’t get to break your heart and see you still broken up about it all these years later. So you put on your mask again and smirk at him, “Good work today, Pili.”

His frown deepens at the term of endearment you used to call him when you were together. You suppose you aren’t allowed to use it anymore, which is precisely why you do. “Too bad it won’t do you any good. You always did have a soft spot for the hopeless cases.”

Wonpil puffs his chest out, subconsciously trying to look bigger under your mocking gaze. “Our case isn’t hopeless.”

“Yeah sure, whatever you say, Pili.” You roll your eyes. You should end it there, tell him you have no time for him and leave to go work harder on your case to take him and the people he represents down. But you haven’t made a levelheaded decision since the moment he came back into your life and you just can’t resist adding, “You shouldn’t be wasting your skill on these people. They’re never gonna win. Join my company. I’m sure I can find you a place.”

Wonpil’s face contorts in disgust, “You think I would ever be a part of a company like yours? You kill people!”

“My company doesn’t kill people.” You reply half-heartedly, not really up to defending your employers out of the courtroom.

“Maybe not directly but the chemicals they pollute the environment with has led to the illness and death of countless people. That’s on your hands.”

You’re not surprised that he insists on making you complicit in the actions of the company you’re representing. Wonpil always did have an absolute sense of justice, from the CEO to the janitor, everyone was equally responsible in his eyes.

 “Be careful what you accuse people of, Pili. This could get you in real trouble once my company wins the lawsuit. And they will win.” You smile sadly, “They always win.”

You walk closer to him and reach out for his hand tentatively. You’re surprised when he lets you, and you take a moment to just hold it, feeling the familiar, yet almost-forgotten, weight of it in your own hands. When you lace your fingers together, they fit as perfectly as they did years ago, the heat of him permeating through yours like blood through a corpse revived. 

You know you couldn’t let yourself get carried away for long. You needed to say what you had to say and then withdraw back into yourself when he inevitably rejects you. Rubbing your thumb over the web of skin between his thumb and index, you take a few moments to steady your breath as you willfully shed years worth of mental defenses to allow him to gaze onto the real you, naked from any pretenses and completely vulnerable against the bottomless darkness you see in his own eyes. 

“I’ve missed you so much, you can’t even know. I… I still want you.” You weren’t sure if it was just your voice that was trembling or your entire body—you were holding too tightly onto his hand to be able to tell. “It’s not too late for us. We can still be together. What you’re doing right now is admirable, fighting for those who can’t fight for themselves. You’ve got the most beautiful soul I’ve ever seen… but it’s a losing battle. There is no hope for them, but there is for us. We can have a good life together.”

His lips press together into a thin line and he yanks his hand back, almost throwing you forward when you don’t react fast enough to untangle your fingers as he steps away from you, looking disgusted at the mere thought of what you’re suggesting. “If you really think that I’d not only abandon these people but actually work against them then you don’t know me at all.”

“Oh, I know you.” You look down at your now empty hands, muttering tiredly, “I just hoped that you might’ve changed.”

“And I wish you didn’t. I don’t even know who you are anymore. You’re nothing like the girl I once fell in love with. You’re a monster.”

You let out a bark of laughter to hide the stabbing pain his words delivered right into the center of your chest, cutting up your tattered heart all over again. “And did you follow me all this way just to say that? Aw, Pili, you shouldn’t have.”

He glares at you, utter contempt displayed on his face.

“I hate you.” He curses out before he leaves, not sparing you a second glance, and for that you were thankful. You could barely stomach the fact that the broken woman who was openly sobbing in the middle of the street in broad daylight was you—you didn’t need him to see that.

___________________________

Just like you hadn’t expected to ever face off with him in a courtroom, you also never expected him to show up at your place only days after your less-than-sweet reunion.

“What are you doing here?” You stand with your arms folded over your chest, feeling resentful that he’s forcing you to deal with the heartache he brought with him into your own residence. “How did you even know where my apartment is?”

“You’ve messed with my damn head.” He accuses, looking deeply agitated as he paces back and forth in your living room.

The audacity of this man! He sought you out first, then he rejected you, and now he barges into your home and claims you are messing with him?

You plant your body in his path to stop his pacing, and ask, putting emphasis on each word, “Why. are. you. here?”

He stares at you for a second, exasperated and contemplating what to say, but each time a sentence starts forming, he bites it back abruptly. Huffing, he runs his hand through his hair haphazardly and tries to get past you to start pacing again.

But you jump into action, your hands shooting out to grab him and hold him in place. You won’t let him play games with you. You won’t be able to handle it.

In the process of holding on to him to try to keep him in place, you had gotten much closer to him in proximity. With your arms almost enveloping him, your heart starts beating erratically. This was the closest you’d been to him in years, and by the looks of it, Wonpil wasn’t completely unfazed by it either.

“What do you want from me, Wonpil?” You ask, suddenly feeling weary as if all the fight has seeped out of your body. 

His eyes flit down to your lips as you talk, and they linger there even after you’re done, giving you your answer. Wonpil was never particularly good at hiding his feelings, something he would readily admit to if asked, and you take advantage of it.

You raise your hand to his face carefully as if he’s a frightened animal you don’t want to scare off. When he feels your hand on his cheek, he finally looks you in the eyes again, and you feel a twinge of pity at the helplessness you see in his gaze.

Taking in a deep breath, you ask slowly, “Do you want to kiss me, Wonpil?”

You knew you shouldn’t be doing this; it will only open up your wounds further, but you’ve never gotten to say goodbye to him, and you knew that if you miss this-- probably last-- chance to be with him, you will live to regret it even more.

You’re so lost in your own head that you miss the subtle nod Wonpil gives you and, antsy by your lack of response, he makes the first move, pressing his lips to your own.

It’s an awkward kiss, tight-lipped and uncoordinated as Wonpil is unsure of what he is allowed to do, but feeling the urgency to touch you anyway. His hands are all over you, but not in a good way. They would barely touch a part of you before they moved on to the next, leaving you feeling unsatisfied.

Deciding to take the reins—which was par for the course back during your relationship anyway—you grab his hands and hold them behind his back, making him whine when you break the kiss. “Don’t whine. You don’t have the right to.”

He bites his lip, stifling anymore protests from coming out. Pulling on his arm, you lead him to your bedroom and push him on the bed. He tries to pull you down with him but you shake him off. Again, he starts whining but with a sharp raise of your eyebrow, he pipes down immediately.

Grabbing the hem of your oversized shirt, you cock your head at him. “Do you want me to take this off?”

“Yes, please.” He breathes out before you’re even done talking.

You slide the shirt up your body slowly, teasingly, making sure to give Wonpil a show. With the shirt off, your breasts are entirely exposed for you to play with them and tease Wonpil some more. Pushing them together, messaging them, twisting the nipples lightly, you do everything you know will drive him crazy until he’s biting down hard on his lip so he wouldn’t piss you off, but you could see from the obvious bulge in his pants and the way his right leg was bouncing up and down impatiently that he was getting needy.

You give your breasts one last squeeze before you slide your hands down your abdomen and towards the waistline of your shorts, pushing it down on one side only to pull it back up and do the same thing with the other side.

“Please.”

“Please, what? You want me to take this off too?”

“Yes.”

“But I thought I was a disgusting monster and you can’t even look at me. You have no problem with it now that you want to get your dick wet, huh?”

He averts his eyes, having the audacity to look ashamed and it pisses you the fuck off. 

You grab his jaw, making him face you, and hiss down at him. “Either you grow some fucking balls and face the implications of your own desire or you get the fuck out of my sight.” 

You needed him to voice out his desire so he’d admit that he’s equally responsible for what is happening. You’re not going to let him paint you as a monster seducing poor, helpless him. He wants this too, and he needs to be held accountable for that.

“What do you want me to say?” He asks, entirely too chagrined than he had any right to be. 

“That you’re a fucking hypocrite.” You spit, astonished at how disgusted you were with him, while still wanting to be one with him. Your whole relationship is a mess, and you’re convinced that either it was never meant to be, or that the gods themselves are jealous of your love and are trying to hurt you.

“I’m… I’m a hypocrite. There, are you happy?” He challenges, but you just let out a tired sigh, almost having expected him to deny it and put an end to this—to tell you that this is insane and you’re insane, but he validates your insanity and now you can’t back down.

No. None of this makes you happy. You haven’t been happy ever since he left you.

You take your shorts and panties off unceremoniously and straddle him, staying still for a moment to see if he’ll try something, but his hands stay balled to his sides as he awaits your permission to touch you, so you give it to him. “Go ahead. You can touch.”

His hands immediately go to your breasts, touching you in the exact same way you were just touching yourself, and you laugh. “Aw, Pili, you wanted it that bad?”

He frowns in that adorably pouty way he unconsciously does sometimes, and it makes your smile falter, the memory of something you used to have but is just out of your reach now is all too painful.

He forcefully takes you out of your thoughts when his mouth latches onto one of your breasts, placing kisses all over it and sucking on your nipple. You moan out, a hand reaching for his hair and automatically tugging on it the way you know he likes, which only makes him needier, one of his hands eagerly moving down to your pussy, and the moan that leaves him lets you know just how excited he is to find you dripping. Too impatient to wait, his fingers move down to your hole right away. When a finger enters you, he’s the one pulling back with a throaty moan.

You chuckle breathlessly, feeling yourself quivering around his finger. “Does my pussy feel that good, Pili?”

He nods, pumping his finger in and out of you, making you gasp as you start unbuttoning his shirt. “Tell me what it feels like.” 

“Tight. Wet. Soft.”

“Hmm, and did you miss it?” You slip his shirt off his shoulders, forcing him to remove his hands from you, but as soon as the shirt is off, his hands are back on you again, one grabbing a handful of your breast and the other two fingers deep in you.“Do you miss how it feels around your cock?”

“Yeah.” He closes his eyes and you know that he’s imagining it. 

“Do you want to feel it again?”

“Yes.” His eyes snap open again, full of silent pleas.

You push him backwards until he’s lying down in the middle of the bed with you straddling him, his cock snug between your wet folds as you slowly rub up and down against it. With your hands holding his arms over his head, he looks up at you, gaze brimming with need as he holds his breath and waits, but you don’t give it to him yet.

“Look at you. You were acting all high and mighty earlier but now you’re willing to do anything to get inside this pussy, huh?” You taunt, rubbing yourself with the tip of his dick.

When he doesn’t say anything, you lean down to bite his collarbone, making him yelp. “Answer me, Pili.”

“Yes, please, give it to me.” He nods emphatically, throwing his head back and crying out as you sink down on him. 

As soon as you have him all the way inside of you, you know you are in trouble. God, he fills you up so good. Everywhere his cock touched inside of you burns with pleasure and you can’t even help yourself; you ride him hard and fast, desperate to feel the kind of pleasure you haven’t felt in years. Everything is just different with him, the way he fits inside of you, the needy, almost reverent look on his face, his choked off moans, they all work you up to a frenzy. 

“Does it feel good, Pili?”

“Yes. So, so good.”

“I bet you’ve been fantasizing about this for years... just lying in bed, fucking your own spit-covered hand and imagining it was me taking you.” 

“Yeah, y-yeah…” He sniffles, lower lip trembling as he readily admits to it.

“You’re gonna cry?” You spit out, suddenly enraged, and come to a stop. “Fuck, you’re so pathetic.” 

“No! I’m sorry. I’ll stop. Please keep going.” 

“No. I won’t let you twist this narrative into you being the victim.” You fall back onto the bed and pull him up over you. “If you want me, take me.”

The muscle in his jaw jumps as he considers his options for a second, and you lay completely still under him, waiting for him to make the decision on his own, half-wishing he’d stop this madness. But he doesn’t.

Grunting, his hands grab your hips as he pushes his length back inside you. It only takes a few unexpectedly sharp thrusts for you to cooperate and wrap your arms and legs around him. Goosebumps erupt all over his skin when you pull at the hair at the nape of his neck, the shaky moan your action elicits causing heat to start gathering in your belly once again. You stare up at him in hunger, admiring how sexy he looks as the pleasure overtakes his features.

“Shit…shit, you feel so good.” Wonpil rasps out, his eyes squeezing shut as his thrusts turn sloppy. “ I can’t hold on much longer.”

“Don’t you dare.” You snap at him, your nails digging red trails down his back, making his hips stutter. 

“Please, I can’t hold it.” He shakes his head, desperate to get you to let him cum.

“No.” You hiss, silencing him with a kiss. You swallow his whines as your hands grab his ass and force him to keep fucking you. The more he squirms, the more his hips grind against you, rubbing coarsely against your clit and bringing you oh-so-close to your orgasm. 

But—seemingly just a second away from release—Wonpil goes rigid under you, his body freezing up too hard to allow you to move him anymore. His mouth tears away from your own in a loud moan as his dick twitches inside you and fills you up with his hot cum.

You can’t believe it. You were so, so close. Frustration and disappointment fill up the spaces the receding pleasure leaves behind.

“I told you to stop.” You hear him say meekly, and you sigh as you’re left tense and unfulfilled, just like always. 

“It’s fine.” You mutter darkly, pushing him off you, and Wonpil’s face falls, shame spreading all over it.

You know your reaction is hurting him. Wonpil hated not pleasing you. He took it as a personal failure if you were even the slightest bit unhappy with his performance. His desire to please and your desire to be pleased are what brought you together in the first place many years ago. But honestly, all you can think about right now is that mind-blowing orgasm you were just robbed of because he couldn’t hold back just a little bit more.   

But before the last bit of pleasure inside you recedes from your body, it is forced back in when Wonpil, still half-hard and sheathed inside you, starts moving again, fucking his cum into your sensitive pussy.

“What are you doing?” Your mouth hangs open in shock and pleasure, and you watch him grit his teeth and set a frantic pace. As his cock starts hardening inside of you again, he’s able to fuck you harder and harder, the determined look on his face the sexiest thing you’ve ever seen.

His moans are loud, and you can’t tell if they’re from pleasure or pain as Wonpil never once lets up his assault, hitting just the right spot that has you seeing white. When his thumb flicks your clit, it is over for you, your hands flying out to grab his face and pull him down into a searing kiss as you cum. 

When you pull back from the kiss, signalling the end of your orgasm, Wonpil collapses into a sweaty mess next to you, still clinging to your body by wrapping his arms around your waist and burying his face in your neck as you both catch your breath.

“What’s so funny?” He perks his head up, asking as you start shaking with laughter in his arms. But the more you look at him, the harder you laugh. This is just all so absurd.

Wonpil watches you uneasily. He needs assurance, something that he had always relied on you to provide for him, but you can’t do that this time. 

You come down from your laughter fit with a deep sigh. “Get out.”

He’s taken aback at your sudden coldness. This isn’t what he expected, not what he was used to from you, and you almost start laughing again. Is he really that clueless? Did he expect things to be just like they were before after what he’s done?

His eyes flit between yours, searching for a comfort he won’t find in them. “But—but… aren’t we going to talk about this?"

“Talk about what, Wonpil?” You ask in exasperation, “Have you changed your mind about my work?”

“No, but—”

“But you want me to make the sacrifice for you.” You finish his sentence for him. “This is why you’re here, isn’t it? You refuse to give up your job but you expect me to give up mine for you.”

“It’s the right thing to do.” He bristles, sitting up.

“I don’t care about the right thing. All I care about is my family.”

His face hardens at that, and through gritted teeth, he says, “Your family isn’t going to starve if you work at another firm.”

“Quality of life isn’t measured by whether you starve or not. I want them to have a good life.” You don’t know why you even bother anymore, he’s never going to listen. “You wouldn’t understand.”

He tears himself away from you and gets up, angrily putting on his clothes. “Yes because I’m just a poor orphan boy who will never understand what family means. Isn’t that right?”

“Pili… you know I didn’t mean it like that.” You unconsciously reach out for him but he jumps away.

“Yes, you did. You always pitied me for not having a family.” Pain twists Wonpil’s pretty features. “You know, for a while, I actually thought you could be my family.”

“No, Pili. I couldn’t have.” You sigh sadly, the deepening look of hurt on his face cutting you up. “Because you left me. And family never leaves.”

His mouth opens and closes like he wants to say something but doesn't even know what. Collecting himself, Wonpil scoffs and turns towards the door.

“Yeah, like that.” You mutter, collapsing back on the bed as you hear the sound of your front door opening and slamming shut. 

___________________________________

You know it is wrong but you can’t stay away from each other. Now that you have had a taste of the forbidden after years of having sworn off each other, you couldn’t find it in you to stop.

You find yourself in each other’s beds again and again, hurling accusations at each other and fucking your emotions out until you’re too tired to do anything but sleep, each time getting more and more exhausted until you stop trying all together, just blocking out everything and focusing on the here and now as if nothing else existed outside of your respective bedrooms. 

Your nights have been sleepless ever since he's gotten back into your life, and not just for the obvious reason that he’s the person you thought was the love of all your lives, past or present. No, many nights were spent just staring at each other, no words uttered for fear of disturbing this fragile improbability that brought you back together, or holding each other so gingerly as if you were made of matter and antimatter and your meeting could annihilate not only yourselves but the entire world you’ve built around you. 

It’s a bubble and you know it, the translucent shell that surrounds you gleaming all rainbow-like when the light of forgotten dreams hits it just right. It sways and wobbles, signaling its impending explosion any moment now. And yet, you stay curled up around each other as if you can’t see the surface tension on the verge of breaking.

Every once in a while, one of you would lean forward and press their lips against the other’s, and you’d close your eyes and pretend like these past years have been nothing but a bad dream and you’re still college students, young and lost and unsure of everything in the world except for the notion that love is eternal and that you have already found it in each other.

You wonder what you’d look like now to your past selves, having gained all the conviction and knowledge you would’ve never thought you would possess, but having lost the one thing that made any of it worth a damn. You bet your past selves would hold each other and cry at the sight of the broken you holding onto the jagged pieces of your once-sweet notion with bleeding hearts and crushed souls.

Tears trickle down your face, and Wonpil reaches up to wipe them with the backs of his fingers, pressing his lips to yours again when the branching stream reaches even your lips.

Pulling back ever so slightly, he whispers to you and to the dying universe around you, the vibrations of his voice reaching your lips through the tiny distance between you, sounding choked up like he had begun crying too, “I wish we could stay here forever, just forget about everyone and be forgotten by them.”

You sigh and wrap yourself around him, his starry eyes shuttering closed and a soft pout forming on his lips as he drifts off to sleep, just like old times. And you're left alone to wonder... if you could do it all over again, would you have chosen differently?

______________________________

You knew something was off. Despite the time and distance that have whittled down your sense of him, you still knew that something was off. Your body had picked up on so many little things—the way his eyes glossed over when he would force himself to face you, his excessively soft touches that resembled those of a volatile lover silently apologizing for his latest outburst, the lingering looks he gave you as if he was memorizing every little detail of you before you went away—it just took your brain too long to make sense of it all.

Or maybe you just didn't want to believe it. You got too greedy and wanted to live in your fantasy world just a little bit longer, and it cost you everything. 

Looking at him now, you think he’s saying something to you but every word is muffled as if you were submerged in water. He gets agitated, shouting something again and again that gets just a little clearer every time as he forces you back to the surface and you register that it’s your own name.

When you blink, your gaze finally focusing on him, he breathes a sigh of relief. “You’re scaring me.”

“I wish I had never met you.” Your sentence is slow and raspy like the ghostly murmur of someone fished out of water.

“Don’t say that.” He whimpers, "I had to do it." He says it like he means it, like he really couldn’t stop himself from betraying you, using you, ruining your life. "You said it yourself, we never would've won. It was the only way. These people depended on me."

"And what about me?" You rasp, tears stinging your eyes. "I loved you."

"And I love you." He tries to hold you but you push him away.

"They fired me.” You inform him monotonously, “They had me blacklisted to make sure I would never find a job in this field again."

Of course they did. What company will want you now that you've shown yourself not to be reliable? You slept with your rival and allowed him to steal crucial documents that could jeopardize the entire case from right under your nose. Your stupid amateur mistake could cost the company millions.

"How am I going to provide for my family now?" You moan, not really asking him.

"You could join us. It's not a big pay but—”

Your hand goes to pull at your hair in frustration, “God, do you ever shut the fuck up?”

"I'm sorry.” He holds his head down, sobbing.

"No, you don’t get to cry about ruining my life! You don’t get to feel sorry for yourself! You don’t—” You stop abruptly, unable to breathe. Cradling your head now, you lament, "Oh god, what am I gonna do now?"

"I don't know."

"No, you never know." You say bitterly. "I don’t want to ever see your face again."

His head whips up, "Don't say that..."

“Go.”

"I didn't mean for all of this to happen--"

"Go." You shriek and he flinches back. His lower lips tremble as he tries to hold his tears back to no avail. In a shaky voice, he says, "I'll give you some time to calm down but I'll be back. I'll fix this."

"God, Wonpil," You suck in a shaky breath, "for once in your life, I wish you'd leave it alone."

He jerks his head away, wiping at his tears furiously, "I'll see you later."

_____________________________

You struggle to hold back tears as you wait inside your cramped studio apartment. You don’t know how much longer you can stand to do this— lie to your parents about getting fired and blacklisted, telling them that you quit for moral differences, accepting money from the man who ruined your life just so they wouldn’t find out for a little while longer.

But you couldn’t do anything to help yourself, let alone support your family without Wonpil’s charity. The only jobs you are able to get now are in the service industry and those barely pay your rent and living expenses. You couldn’t even go back to your hometown and your family for fear that they’d figure out the truth, and you just couldn’t let that happen.

You knew your father would insist on getting back to work in order to help support the family. You barely even had him convinced that his condition doesn’t allow him to work and that he needs to rest. If he finds out you not only lost your job but also any hope for a future one in that field, he’d go back to work right away, and that could very possibly kill him.

Your siblings’ future now lies unknown. The eldest of your siblings after you is a senior now, and soon you’ll have to tell her that she isn’t going to college like you promised her she would. She has to abandon her dreams in order to get a job to help provide for the family, and as your other siblings grow older, they too would follow in her footsteps; a family that came from dirt and will die in it, that’s what Wonpil’s ideals have cost you.

After everything you’ve done, after all you’ve gone through, you’re still nothing. It’s funny that Wonpil is fighting for the poor and innocent when he’s the one who has proven to you once and for all that the rich will stay rich and the poor will stay poor and under the feet of the rich.

The case he betrayed you for was a loss in the end. After a long, tedious trial, his clients were forced to settle because they couldn’t afford to pay for a trial that kept getting prolonged, a strategy the rich and powerful employed in order not to lose doomed cases, in the end making the poor people poorer and worse off than they were before. That’s what Wonpil does. He makes people hope and believe that maybe, just maybe the world isn’t as shitty as it seems, only to shatter them completely when he can’t follow through on his beautiful promises. He breaks them because he made them hope.

Hearing the doorbell ring, you get up to answer it, moving mechanically. After you swing the door open, you stand in the way so Wonpil wouldn’t be able to barge in like he tries to sometimes.

He hands you an envelope which you take with a heavy heart. Every envelope you accept is a debt piled on you that you’ll live the rest of your life paying back.

“I’m working three jobs right now but I hope to find something with a better pay soon so I can start paying you back.”

“Oh, you don’t need to do that.” He rushes to say, but you cut him off. “Yes, I do.”

He sighs and stares at the floor, fiddling with his finger. It annoyed the hell out of you. “Is there something you want?”

His head shoots up, eyes wide at having been caught.

“I—“ He clears his throat after he chokes on the word. “I miss you.”

You hate yourself because of how his words still affect you, how you wish you could fall into his arms and let him comfort you until there are no more tears left in your eyes.

But you won’t cry. You won’t let yourself be vulnerable in front of him. Never again. 

“Goodnight, Wonpil.” You say coldly, closing the door in his face before he can say anything else.

______________________________

[ateezmakemeweep]

you’re the one that i want (part 16)

word count: 6k

angst

(part 15) (series masterlist)

tag list: @yeocult ; @seongghwaa ; @cherryeonii ; @chaoticbanqtan ; @8teenee ; @nczenniez ; @atinyarmyx1 ; @mingtopiaa ; @chubsluda ; @joongiebug ; @mochibabycakes ; @jisungity ; @skz-on-my-mind ; @nlost21 ; @myonlyaurora ; @closer-stars ; @kuaenam3g ; @byungaji ; @floweryjh ; @joeycheungg ; @chogiout ; @psshwa ; @lostscenarios ; @atinyxtopia ; @sanisms ; @kpopnightingale ; @simpforhyunjin ; @89staytinyzen21 ; @lokicaramel ; @ttalgimin ; @sakura-uji ; @songsoomin ; @toffee-hwa ; @deobitiful ; @hyunjeansuniverse ; @clown-teez ; @i-know-you-know-lee-know ; @tiny-whatsername ; @fairieofeternity ; @yixing-jaehyun​ ; @sleepyseonghwa​ ; 

 another month had passed of you and seonghwa barely speaking, any time you saw him in the hallway or at lunch actively avoiding his gaze. but he’d become more and more curious about you and san’s relationship, to the point where his friends even noticed his lingering glances toward the table.

“what are you looking at?” yeosang asked curiously, following seonghwa’s gaze and holding back a smirk.

“you just noticed?” mingi asks, “creepy fuck stares them down every damn day.”

“go fuck yourself,” seonghwa growls, kicking mingi’s leg under the table. the two boys look at each other knowingly, quiet snorts and chuckles causing the dirty blonde to roll his eyes.

but mingi is right, he can’t tear his eyes away from you.

because he gets so happy and feels his heart soar when a smile crosses your face or a giggle rings from your mouth; it’d been a long time since he saw that and he misses it.

but then the despair kicks in, reminding him that he’s part of the reason you haven’t been smiling. that he’s not the one making you smile or feel happy.

that he ruined any chance of that because he’s too scared and a coward.

“how do they even know each other?” yeosang asks, observing you and his old friend with watchful eyes.

“they work together at his parent’s cafe,” wooyoung says, the three boys turning their heads in surprise; usually any time the blonde is mentioned, he goes silent and acts as if he wasn’t paying attention.

seonghwa’s eyebrows pull together in confusion, looking back at you two and he supposes that explains how you guys appear to be so close.

he laughs silently to himself, remembering the way you were so excited on the phone when you first found out you got the job. but because the world is so sick and twisted, you’d been talking about a building just down the block from him. a place he’s frequented before and owned by one of his old friend’s parents.

seonghwa only hums at this information, wooyoung raising an eyebrow at the boy.

he hadn’t gotten much more out of him since that one day they both watched you and san huddled together outside, tears running down your faces as you and san comforted one another the way they were supposed to be doing.

“why are you doing this to her?” wooyoung asked seonghwa quietly.

he’d known the second his friend got back that he was different. happier, lighter, more content in a way he wasn’t when he’d left after school ended.

and then once he found out it was because of a girl, he knew exactly what had happened.

how someone managed to break through his cold exterior and show him he was capable of caring about someone. that someone was capable of caring about him and that letting people in was actually a good thing.

“doing what?” seonghwa asked coldly, looking at him with that guarded rigidness he knows all too well.

“i know it’s more than what you’re letting on,” wooyoung says, straight forward and to the point in a way that makes seonghwa’s eyes narrow. “and you’re hurting her because of it.”

“that’s real funny coming from you.”

the dark haired boy can only bite the inside of his cheek, drawing blood as he sees it’s now san’s turn to cry onto your shoulder. it makes his heart drop into his stomach and his adams apple bobs but he still looks back at seonghwa, ready to deny deny deny.

“i don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about but she’s only gonna pine over you for so long. and you obviously feel like a piece of shit because of it.”

seonghwa rolls his eyes at his friend, the back of his neck prickling because he hates how well the boy knows him and can relate to this situation.

it was something seonghwa knew but never spoke directly about, san and wooyoung’s...twisted relationship that he always found questionable.

but now that he’s on wooyoung’s side, he understands it. how there are multiple factors that go into preserving something you loved so much. how it’s hard and embarrassing to let people see such a different side to you, to really commit to a person you think, and know, deserves better.

“i’m not good for her,” seonghwa says lowly. “i can’t be.”

“why? because you’re a pussy?”

seonghwa growls at his friend, pushing the boy back roughly. wooyoung stumbles a bit but it’s not enough to get the smirk off his face, raising an eyebrow challengingly at him; because no matter how mad his friend gets, he wouldn’t ever hit him.

or maybe he would, who cares really; he knows he deserves any pain given to him at this point.

“you don’t know anything so shut the fuck up,” seonghwa counters, looking back to see you and san smiling sadly at one another.

wooyoung sees his eyes soften and knows better than to look at the window, watching a pained look cross seonghwa’s face at seeing someone else comfort you.

“she’s gonna get over you eventually and it’s only gonna hurt you worse,” wooyoung tells seonghwa, his tone softer and not so teasing anymore. because it’s something he’s come to terms with as well, fully aware that it’s not fair to make anyone wait around for them.

but seonghwa can only shrug his shoulders as he looks back at his friend, the mask he’s learned to wear covering his pained face in an almost believable fashion.

“good. i want her too.”

and of course, that’d been a lie. because if it hadn’t been, his friend’s words wouldn’t have been bothering him so much.

they wouldn’t be tormenting him every night he tried to sleep, every night he typed out a message to you just to erase and throw his phone down in frustration.

he deserves to be hurt in that way, watch you be completely happy and over him and enjoy your time in the new environment.

but the thought of you forgetting him makes him sick to his stomach, the memories of your summer together the only thing not completing morphing him into his old drug-dealing, playboy self.

he can’t even think about being with someone else or doing something to disappoint you even more.

but he ends up doing that the second he decides to visit his old favorite spot after school, all of the sudden craving the homemade cookies san’s parents had force fed him all through elementary school.

a big group of underclassmen had just left the cafe, finally allowing you and san to let out a sigh of relief.

you quickly discovered that young groups of kids were the worst, splitting a $20 total between three cards before subjecting you to all of the nonsense drama you had to hear them go on about.

“i don’t know though, kind of fucked up. she knew her best friend liked him and still accepted his confession.”

“i completely agree,” you tell san, taking your usual spot across from him on the counter. “everyone was just taking her side too? but what about the other girl? she also knew him longer. they were probably a better fit.”

“absolutely,” san sighs, eyeing the new jar of cookies and hoping you’ll be too lost in thought about middle school drama to notice.

bu catch him immediately though, your face pulling into a serious expression as you and the blonde stare each other down.

you could hear a pin drop in the room before noise erupts, you jumping off the counter just a second before san does as your feet run over to the counter.

“no!” you whine, slipping under the boy and placing your hands on his chest to push him away. “i told your parents i’d make sure you didn’t eat anything anymore.”

“don’t be a snitch,” he whines, reaching around you and pouting when you smack his arm away. “c’mon, y/n, just one. i’m upset over the drama and need some relief.”

you let out a chuckle and roll your eyes, pushing him back as you tell him not to be ridiculous.

he lets out a defeated sigh, his pouting lips usually the thing to get you to crack but not this time. because his parents really had requested you watch him, watching every morning their cookie supply dwindle while the register doesn’t reflect those sales.

“don’t be a baby,” you chide lightly, watching as the blonde sits back on the counter like a child who got put in time out; and just like a child, he waits until he thinks you’re not looking to make another run for it.

but you’ve gotten to know him too well and beat him to it, letting out a loud giggle when he suddenly wraps his arms around your waist. he twirls you around and away from the cookie jar as you squeal his name, elbowing his chest and missing the way the door rings open.

it’s not until a throat clears that you both look up, your breath catching in your throat as san stiffens upon seeing seonghwa in the door way.

he’s looking over the both of you with a blank expression, his eyes piercing both of you as his jaw clenches. he only appears to grow more tense as he walks closer, his eyes narrowing in on san’s arms around your waist.

there’s a tense silence as you all just look at each other, your feet back on the ground but san’s arm still around your waist. seeing it only unnerves seonghwa even more, resisting the urge to jump over the counter and pull you away from him.

“aren’t you gonna ask what i want?”

you swallow nervously at his deep voice laced with darkness and anger, biting on your lip as move out of san’s hold. the boy reluctantly lets go but continues to look at his friend, almost like they’re trying to have a silent conversation with their eyes.

“the usual?” san asks, even though seonghwa hadn’t gotten his usual in years. hadn’t even set food in his parents place since the last time they spoke to each other.

but the blonde still remembers it, still remembers all of their orders amongst other random facts about them.

seonghwa’s eyes soften a fraction when san says that, mumbling “yeah,” as he continues to look between you two.

he watches san mumble something in your ear, a small nod of your head after you swallow down panic and watch him go into the back room.

“he has to...make it,” you tell him when you turn back around, a polite smile on your face as you try to act like he’s any normal customer.

not someone you loved and then someone who broke your heart. not someone who’s looking at you so intensely you feel yourself growing small and timid and vulnerable.

he simply nods, looking over your face before back at the door san disappeared behind.

he sees the boy moving back and forth, his blonde hair and sharp jawline disappearing in and out of the small window. he doesn’t even realize he’s watching the boy with cold eyes until you say something, your eyes narrowed but trained on the counter.

“why are you looking at him like that?”

he’s surprised by the fact that you say something, fighting back the urge to smirk as he raises his eyebrow at you. “like what?”

“like he was doing something wrong and you wanna kill him.”

and now the smirk he was fighting so hard appears on his lips, his tongue peeking out and rolling over his lips.

he walks closer to the counter causing your heart to race, breath catching in your throat when his hand reaches out to touch your chin. he takes your face gently in his hand, your sharp inhale shaky and embarrassing as he cocks his head to the side at you.

“why do you think, baby?” he asks lowly, the word making your heart break and soar at the same time. you miss hearing him call you that even though it makes you so mad now, brings you right back to the time where that actually meant something.

“i told you not to call me that,” you say, quiet but firm as you attempt to move your face out of his hold.

but he only tightens it and leans in a little closer, your eyes widening and resolve breaking because he’s so close and familiar and you miss him and-

“and i told you, you were mine.”

you’re not sure if you’re more surprised by the scornful laugh that leaves your mouth or the way you rip yourself away from him, backing away as you shake your head.

how dare he taint that for you and act as if that was still a thing, no matter how much your pathetic little heart wanted to believe it even till this day.

“i fucked up, okay and i’m sorry,” he says lowly, immediately seeing the look on your face. “but it doesn’t change anything, y/n, it doesn’t mean i don’t-”

“yes it does, seonghwa. it did,” you tell him honestly, trying so hard to stand your ground and get the words out. “you threw all my fears in my face and proved you didn’t want me anymore.”

“when did i say that?” he snaps, his dark eyes full of fire as you really make the implication that he doesn’t want you.

he wants you too much and that’s the problem. he wants what’s best for you and knows it’s not him but is too selfish to admit it and fully let you go.

“you didn’t have to say anything. you showed it.”

those words hit him more than he expects, feeling his spike of possessiveness simmer as guilt takes over.

because you’re right, he never really said anything - only acted. acted embarrassed and stupid and dealt with your unplanned arrival in all the wrong ways.

“and now i don’t really know what you want from me,” you find yourself saying again. “you don’t talk to me in school or even look at me. you don’t even text me.”

he wants to say that he tries to every night. that he’ll sit and stare at his phone for hours with a simple message typed out before fear gets the better of him. that he almost always calls you because he can’t sleep and you’re in his head before he falls asleep and dreams of you.  

“so how am i supposed to know whether you want me or not, seonghwa? because you act like you don’t,” you say, your voice breaking as your heart sinks.

any time you talk about it, it’s like the masked pain comes back with a vengeance. that you can smile and laugh and distract yourself with you and san’s fun nonsense all you want but you’re still hurting.

you’re still hurt by him and you still want him.

“and i don’t even know what i did but you’re here telling me i’m yours when you only want me sometimes and that’s...that’s not fair.”

because it’s when he’s just alone and no one’s around, when someone else is making you smile and laugh and has their hands on you.

“i want you all the fucking time, y/n, you don’t know what i’ve been-”

“chocolate vanilla swirl with cookie crunch.”

your heads snap simultaneously to look at san, a cone in his hand as he walks over and holds it out with a blank expression.

you bite the inside of your cheek to keep the tears at bay, knowing if san sees them, it’s only gonna make this situation more awkward.

but even without seeing them, the blonde can feel the tension. can feel how intense the air is around you two, your spirit shook but trying so hard to be strong as seonghwa looks just as adamant with fire in his eyes.

(and if those weren’t obvious enough, he may or may not have caught seonghwa’s last sentence).

“thanks,” the boy says, throwing a $20 bill on the table.

you quickly snatch it and walk yourself over to the register, taking a few calming breaths to slow down your racing heart as you gather bills and coins. you try not to listen to the hushed words seonghwa and san are exchanging, the idea of them talking about you making you very unsettled.

you walk back over and seonghwa shakes his head, nodding his head toward the tip jar. you raise an eyebrow as if to ask if he’s sure, since a $14 dollar tip is a little too generous,

but he only rolls his eyes and takes the money from you before dropping it in the jar.

“when’s your break?” seonghwa asks, his eyes not once leaving yours.

you look at san with a questioning expression, shrugging your shoulders because you don’t really know; you both just kind of take them whenever you want.

“whenever,” san says to seonghwa, the dirty blonde boy snapping his head toward him. he watches his eyes narrow, some sort of challenging look he’s also never seen in his old friend before. “unless she doesn’t want one. then she doesn’t have time to talk and you can leave.”

seonghwa raises an eyebrow, half tempted to throw this ice cream cone right in his face if it wasn’t so good. “that’s interesting. when did you suddenly grow a fuckin’ pair of-”

“stop it,” you snap, looking from san to seonghwa with a shake of your head.

your eyes linger on seonghwa and you debate whether or not you wanna talk with him, the look in his eyes making you more than ready to take a fifteen minute break.

but you also think that could be a very bad idea, to end the rest of your shift most likely an emotional wreck; luckily, the decision was made for you when another group of teens comes in, san immediately deflating and letting out a quiet groan.

“not again,” he whines quietly, nodding his head toward seonghwa as if telling him to get out of the way. you let out a sigh of your own, looking at the boy and shaking your head.

“we can talk tomorrow at school,” you tell him, “unless...that’s a problem for you.”

“i guess we‘ll see how unimportant this conversation becomes,” san mumbles, your arm smacking him under the counter as seonghwa shoots him a dirty look.

“tomorrow,” seonghwa confirms, his head turning to look at the ten middle school aged children who just walked in.

a smile pulls at your lips when you see his face turn into a visible sneer and you can’t even let it fall when he faces you again.

his own lips quirk up when he sees you smile at him, a soft look in his eye that makes your cheeks flush.

“good luck,” he says to you, his eyes hardening when they look at san who meets his gaze head on. “tell your parents this is still my favorite tough guy.”

the blonde rolls his eyes but nods nonetheless, seonghwa looking over you one more time before walking out of the cafe.

you don’t even have time to collapse against the counter and let out a sigh of relief before you’re bombarded by loud orders from kids, demanding syrupy drinks and cakes that will only serve to make your headaches worse today.

you [11:45] who knows if he’s even gonna talk to me

san [11:45] if he doesn’t, i’ll come right down and punch him in the mouth

you [11:46] lol. good luck with that baby hands

san [11:47] :O

you [11:47] hehe kidding, thank u :) i’ll see you in a few and if i’m crying, you’ll know what happened <3

you let out a giggle when he responds with an emoji of a baby and fist, placing your phone in your pocket before lingering at your locker.

you and seonghwa hadn’t talked before homeroom because you stayed behind to ask your teacher a question about your test; you had half expected him to be waiting outside in the hallway but also couldn’t say you were surprised when he wasn’t.

the only reason you think he’s gonna talk to you now is because the halls are vacant, no one around to see him drop his guard and be his ‘different’ self with you; but really, how different is he?

he was still possessive and rigid when he was with you, bossy and demanding in the way he held on to you and said all sorts of things that made your insides flutter.

there was just a softer look in his eye and his voice and words were a little sweeter.

you let out a sigh, waiting for five minutes before realizing he might not even know where your locker is; so with that, you slam it shut and make your way down your usual route to the cafeteria.

you pass the classrooms and bathroom you cried in twice already before seeing his familiar figure against the wall, your heart racing when he catches your eye and gives you a soft smile.

you reluctantly return it, trying to gain some sort of self control and not let your bleeding, frantic heart make all the decisions.

because if that’s the case, whatever he says you’re gonna do. whatever he says, you’re gonna completely take to heart and let it make or break you.

“hi,” you say quietly, watching his eyes soften when he looks down at you. he hates how nervous you’ve become around him before, not being able to look him in the eye anymore.

it’s because of that, or the fact that he has to touch you, that his hand reaches out and tucks a piece of hair behind your ear in his signature move; you don’t know how many times he did that when you were in the ocean, after getting knocked around and falling off his surfboard. how many times he did that when the salty wind whipped your hair on the beach.

“hey,” he says softly, smiling at the way you’re looking at him so wide-eyed and innocent. “i tried waiting for you after homeroom but mingi was lingering.”

it’s like a knife to your heart as he says that, swallowing the lump already forming in your throat. you can only nod your head as you look over his face, eyes twinged with sadness that he immediately recognizes and makes his stomach churn; he’s already fucking this up.

“i didn’t mean...he wanted to walk together.”

“okay,” you say quietly, tone mousy and timid and you wish so badly you could be stronger. tell him to stop being a fucking liar and be honest with you for once. tell him to stop playing games with you and to either get over himself or leave you alone.

but instead you ask him what he wanted to talk about.

he cocks his head to the side at your bluntness, his hand resting on your neck as his thumb moves to your cheek.

you can’t stop your sharp inhale and he can’t stop the way he tries to memorize the feel of your skin, stepping closer to you and making you swallow nervously.

“seonghwa,” you say warningly, voice wobbly and breathy.

“you. that’s what i want.”

you press your lips together so you don’t let out some sort of strangled whimper or cry, your heart pounding and pulling in your chest.

he just says those words like they’re nothing, like they’re not completely pulling at you and sending you into some sort emotional fit. like he hasn’t proved since the second he got here he wanted youto be his dirty little secret (stan all-american rejects).

“i know you think i’m embarrassed of you and that’s not it,” he tells you, his voice deep and low but full of sincerity. or full of deceit because how could you really know anymore? he has you wrapped so tight around his finger, you’re barely able to breathe.

“then what is it?”

he lets out a sigh, looking down at you before words start pouring out of him.

telling you how he thinks you deserve someone better, how he was so fucking terrified this summer opening up to you and seeing someone love him the same way he loved them. how seeing you again made him realize just how undeserving he was when his first instinct was to push you away and hurt your feelings.

“i know it’s so fucking stupid,” he laughs out humorlessly, his eyes looking right at you as he finally shows some sort of vulnerability. “but i knew from the start that you were too good. that i wanted you even though i knew i was gonna fucking ruin you.”

the first part of his words ring in you head over and over, his voice in your head as you think back to your ‘drunken’ night on the beach.

"that's a lie," you tell him softly as you shake your head. "no one ever likes me."

you wanna say that not even your own parents or classmates like you, that no one has ever looked your way or actively cared about how you felt.

"i do," seonghwa hums, his heart hurting because he hates that you feel this way. that people in your life had made you feel like that and it makes an dark anger burn deep within his chest.

“i liked you the second i saw you."

you look up at him and feel your eyes water, the softness and sincerity in his words causing a lump to form in your throat.

"i was able to tell you were good," he says quietly, his hand on your cheek moving to run through your hair. "so pretty and sweet and i knew i was gonna want you, baby."

he frowns when your lip quivers and he leans down to kiss you, almost not believing how naturally and easily these words are leaving him.

“but i wanted you back,” you tell him, looking up at him with tears in your eyes at the memory.

“you knew i wanted you back and it’s not...your choice to decide what i deserve.”

your eyes move to behind his shoulder just as mingi and yeosang appear around the corner, watching as the shorter boy stops his friend and nods his head toward you both.

you look back at seonghwa before he catches your gaze, watching as he looks down at you with frustration in his eyes.

“i know, baby, but-”

“i think you’re lying to me.”

his eyebrows pull together and he resists the urge to growl lowly at you, to tell you that he’s telling the truth now and wants to try this again with you. get everything out in the open and prove to you he’s loved you this whole time.

“i’m not,” he grunts, voice slightly exasperated but eyes remaining soft on you. “what else could it be, y/n?”

“i don’t know,” you tell him. “i just...you hurt me. i’ve been so sad since i started here and i needed you. i’ve needed you and you don’t even care.”

he feels his heart sink at your words and he steps closer to you, his gentle hands cupping your face as he forces you to look at him.

“i know, baby, and i’m sorry. i’m so fucking sorry.”

your eyes well up with tears because you almost believe him, you really do. it all seems convincing enough, his soft eyes and voice full of sincerity that makes your chest warm.

“but you still did it,” you say brokenly. “you still acted as if you didn’t want me.”

“you’re mine, y/n, what don’t you understand? i always fucking want you. every fucking day when i see you with san, i’m pissed that it can’t be me. and i pussy out every fucking night trying to text you because i miss you.”

“but you never do anything,” you snap back finally, the jagged pieces of your heart having enough.

“you’re all talk seonghwa. you say one thing and then act another way. you look at me like you love me and then act as if you don’t know me. the only reason you’re talking to me right now is because you think no one’s around.”

“that’s fucking bullshit, y/n,” he growls, tightening his hold on your face and pushing you back against the wall.

your breath catches in your throat at the way your body is pinned against the cold tile and him. his dark eyes are boring into yours and you can’t help but meet his gaze, the air thick and buzzing between you.

“no it’s not,” you say breathlessly, feeling a bold, bratty side of you kicking in. “you’d...hate if someone saw us like this. you’d be embarrassed that anyone saw you look at me like this.”

“no, actually, i wouldn’t,” he says lowly, his hands moving down to grip your hips roughly.

he bends to press a kiss to your neck, tightening his hold on you when he suddenly starts sucking on your neck. you let out a surprised sigh, desire ripping right through you at the familiar but missed feeling.

you don’t even remember wooyoung and mingi are watching nor do you remember you’re in the hallway at fucking school, any member of staff able to come down here any minute and see him sucking harshly on your neck and you leaning your head back and letting out tiny, breathy sighs.

“then everyone would know you belong to me. that even if they don’t see us together, you have someone who’s not willing to share.”

you let out a whimper despite yourself, his grip on you so tight as he marks you in the way he always did. mumbles over and over again that your his and no matter what happens, you’ll always be his.

but he’s really put to the test when mingi can’t help but shout his name, seonghwa immediately stiffening before ripping himself away from you.

and sure, you understand him not actually wanting people to see that, a fairly intimate moment that shouldn’t have been happening in public in the first place.

but then when the two smirking boys make their way over, their eyes lingering on your neck before you pull your hair to the side and cover the mark, you see how fucked seonghwa looks; like someone who got caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

“would you look at that,” mingi sing songs teasingly, looking between the both of you. “summer lovers reunited at last.”

you look at seonghwa and try to gauge his reaction, his neck popping to the side the way he always does when he’s uncomfortable. you can’t see his eyes directly but you know he’s staring down his two friends like a mad man with fire in his eyes.

“we knew that shit was more than he led on, y/n,” yeosang says. “been acting like a moping little pussy for months over you.”

“fuck off, yeosang,” seonghwa snaps, heat creeping up on the back of his neck.

“i don’t think i will, hwa,” the boy says before looking at you.

he steps closer to you and attempts to move your hair away from your neck but seonghwa is quick to step in front of you. he pushes his friend away roughly before blocking your whole body with his.

“don’t touch her,” he growls, still burning with the possessiveness and overwhelming feeling to claim you from moments ago.

“this motherfucker’s in love, i never thought we’d see the day,” mingi says excitedly, resisting the urge to clap his hands together. yeosang smirks before narrowing his eyes, seeing the way you’re watching all three of them carefully.

seonghwa shoots the boy a dirty look but he continues to go on and on. about how great a young summer love is and how magical it probably was and what a power couple you guys will be now.

“stop,” the dirty blonde growls warningly.

“wait, so you’re not in love?” yeosang asks suddenly, eyebrow quirked challengingly. and when seonghwa doesn’t answer, making your stomach twist and heart drop a little bit, yeosang continues. “because you know, it’d be a little crazy to fall for someone in just one summer. but you two are kind of giving me hope since it seems to be working so well.”

seonghwa narrows his eyes at his friend, unsure as to why the hell he keeps coming at him. what the fuck is he trying to get at? is trying to prove some kind of point, make him blurt out that he loves you just for the satisfaction of him finally admitting it?

he can feel your gaze on him and it makes his little prideful teenage heart twist and pull, wanting so obviously to not be a part of this conversation. but he’d said it no problem just before, admitted his love for you like it was the easiest thing in the world.

and it’s not like you’re expecting him to shout it from the rooftops and let everyone in the world know he loves you; you don’t want that nor do you expect that.

but you want him to defend it and fight for it just a little, tell his best friends that whatever you guys had was more than him sucking hickies into your neck and frockling in the sand.

it’s why when the silence continues to lapse, you shake your head and let out a small scoff, mumbling “i’m leaving,” before walking past yeosang and mingi.

you get halfway down the hallway as seonghwa curses at his two friends, telling them to mind their fucking business and stay out of anything regarding you.

“y/n wait,” you hear him say, grabbing you by the wrist and spinning you around.

he half expects to see tears or sadness in them but he only sees disappointment. pure disappointment and anger because, again, he fucking failed you. he failed to acknowledge his feelings because he’s scared to admit them and put that guard down again.

“no. i’m not waiting anymore,” you snap. “i’ve waited enough and you proved to not give a shit about me.”

“that’s a fucking lie and you know it, y/n,” he growls, attempting to pull you closer to him. but you reach out and push at his chest, your eyes flaring with hot emotion that causes his own to widen.

“i don’t know anything. i don’t know if you just like toying with me or care way too much about what your friends think or don’t know how you really feel but i’m done waiting for you to decide what the fuck your problem is.”

and if you weren’t calling him out on his shit, he’d be so proud of the way you were defending yourself. no hint of a shaky voice or stutter or teary eyes.

but because you are calling him out, he reaches out again and tries to pull you into him. mumble more apologies into your hair that he’s just gonna prove are meaningless.

“i know how i feel about you, it’s just fucking hard for me, y/n. why can’t you-”

“it’s hard for me too,” you say, voice raising as you shake your head. “it’s hard for me waiting to be deemed worthy enough by you, seonghwa, when you told me you loved me and would always be there for me.”

“i do fucking lo-”

“don’t,” you snap, looking at him coldly before ripping yourself away from him. his eyes are a mix of sadness and anger but you can’t find it in your breaking heart and burning veins to care, shaking your head at the boy you fell so hard for.  “because the more you say it, the more i don’t believe it.”

and before he can do a lousy attempt at defending himself again, you’re taking off down the hallway and toward the cafeteria.

and that’s when you let the tears fall, mostly from frustration at just how much things are going to shit. how you were so stupidly hopeful that maybe things were gonna work out somehow.

san notices you the second you walk in, jumping up from his spot at the table and leading you outside. he can hear the sound of someone punching against a locker and has no doubt it’s-

“fuckin’ seonghwa,” the blonde growls, sitting you down and wiping at your tears as you tell him you’re officially done. that the boy here isn’t the same boy from all those months ago and you were stupid to think you’d be able to get him back.

(part 17)

[cocochannel00]

Don’t Leave Me Alone

This is so long overdue and I apologize for such a long wait but here it is!! I hope you guys enjoy and as always requests are slow, but always open!

Description: over 6k words, dad!Harry, husband!Harry, Pregnant Y/n, Angst, Fluff.

Masterlist can be found here!

Sometimes when you’re pregnant all you need is a little break...

Kids: Connor (2), Rebecca (1)

You felt like a whale, and not one of those cute baby whales you see at the aquarium. No, you felt like a fat Blue Whale that was about to explode. You were six months pregnant and it had not been as glamorous as Beyonce made it seem. So far you had spent the first trimester throwing up at least twice a day and your second trimester going through insane hot flashes that left you contemplating whether going to the grocery store nude would be that bad of an idea. You were hoping your last trimester would be somewhat more bearable but seeing as the two devils inside you were currently competing to see who could break your rib first, you had a feeling it wasn't going to get better.

You weren't usually one to complain out loud or at least about your own personal problems, but this pregnancy, unlike your last two, was starting to get on your last nerve and so was Harry. You admit you were a bit more agitated than normal but Harry was definitely not helping. He had taken his own form of paternity leave a little over three weeks ago after a small scare you had with one of the twins. You thought that having him home so much would be amazing and you could use the extra help with Connor and Rebecca, especially since your baby girl was just learning how to properly walk. So far she had nearly cracked her head against the edge of the shoe rack in your mudroom which had led you to bubble wrap nearly every corner of your house. You were nearly at your wit's end and there seemed to be no end in sight.

Luckily today was Sunday so you let yourself indulge in a few extra hours of sleep while Harry watched the kids. You had kicked him out of bed last night because his body was like a furnace and in between the hot flashes you were having and the fact that you were feeling too insecure to lay naked next to him, you had sent him to the guest room. At 3 a.m. Harry thought nothing of it and since he was sleep deprived as well he probably jumped at the chance to get away from you and get some sleep without all of her moaning and groaning. You and Harry had spent the last week snapping at each other constantly over little things, but you hoped with a couple of more hours of sleep your hormones would cool down a bit even if your body couldn't.  

The sun was already shining through the window as you rolled around to check your alarm clock that read 10:30 a.m. Well, at least you had gotten to sleep in a bit before the twins started their kickboxing match. You had just finished the ever-challenging task of sitting up on your bed when you heard two piercing cries come from downstairs. You carefully pushed off the bed and leaned against the nightstand to gain your balance before heading to your closet to get dressed. The only thing you were willing to wear these days were dresses. They were elastic, lightweight, and the only thing that you wouldn't sweat through 30 seconds after putting it on. You decided that you would try and be optimistic about the day so you wore Harry's favorite blue dress with sunflowers. You should have thrown it out after your first pregnancy but it held so many memories that you couldn't get yourself to part with it. You were just walking out of the room when a crying Connor came barreling towards your legs.

"Mama" he cried as he buried his face in your dress. You could barely see him under your belly but you wrapped your arms around his back and stroked his brown curls softly.

"What happened baby?" you asked quietly as he scrunched the end of your dress in his tiny fists and wiped his eyes.

"I play with Becca... and fell... and dada mad...and I cry" he mumbled.

"Oh, baby I'm sure it was an accident. Is Becca okay?" you asked as you grabbed his hand and started carefully walking down the stairs with Connor.

"Uh-huh mama accident" he mumbled with a slight lisp.

"That's okay, baby. I'm sure daddy was just worried and that's why he got mad. Let's go make sure Becca's okay" you replied back as you made it down the last steps of the stairs.

You waddle passed the kitchen door to find Harry sitting on a kitchen stool with your daughter in his arms, an ice pack placed on your baby girl's lip as big crocodile tears fell down her face.  

"Connor I think Becca would feel so much better if you drew her one of your special pictures. Do you think you could draw her one?" you asked your baby boy as you rubbed his back.

"Yes, mama I draw. Stickers too" he mumbled as he ran into the adjacent living room.

Once your baby boy was cheerful again you made your way to your daughter and picked her up from your husband's arms.

"And what happened to you, my love? I leave you with your dada for five minutes and you get a boo-boo on your lip" you whispered to her as she tucked her face into her neck.

"Dada turned around for 2 seconds and this is what happened" Harry grumbled as he leaned against the granite countertop.

"Two seconds?" you questioned as you bounced your little girl softly. Harry groaned.

"Ok, it was like 5 minutes. Jeff called me and we were trying to figure out when would be a good time to get into the studio before you give birth and I was distracted and I heard her scream and there was blood and I yelled and Connor started to cry and..."

"Harry I told you already that you can't leave her alone. She's just figuring out how to walk and she bumps into everything. What did she even hit her lip on? Every sharp edge of the furniture is wrapped in bubble wrap." you replied harsher than you wanted too.

"I don't know (y/n). I was talking and she must have bumped her lip on the floor or maybe the bottom leg of the table? It wasn't my fault, it was an accident" He exclaimed defensively as he rubbed his eyes tiredly.

"Harry, it is your fault though. You should have been watching her while you were on the phone. You watch tv while on the phone all the time! The least you could do is watch your own children" you replied back in frustration. You weren't sure if it was your hormones or the fact that you were hungry that was causing the wave of anxiety and anger, but you had a feeling this conversation wasn't going to end well.

"I get it (y/n) I should have been watching her, but maybe if I wasn't getting kicked out of my own bed at 3 am because of your moods. I'll make you some breakfast, maybe it will make you less cranky" he grumbled as he made his way to the toaster.

"I don't want your stupid breakfast and I'm sorry if the two children you helped create make my body feel like it's burning. Maybe we should get you pregnant and see what happens" You repeat harshly as you cradle your baby and went to put her down in her highchair with some cheerios.

"Love, I want to help you... I know this pregnancy has been much harder than the others but I can't help if you kick me out of our bed. You need to tell me what you want me to do" Harry pleaded as he placed some bread in the toaster and turned to face you.

"I want these babies out. I want to not be the size of a whale. I want to sneeze without peeing myself and I want to walk more than five feet without getting heartburn. I want..." you started before the tears began to fall.

"Oh baby, no" Harry mumbled before he ran around the counter to engulf you in a hug. "I know this has been hard and I'm sorry I haven't been as helpful as I should have. I'll make more time for our family and I'll-"

"But I need you to actually do those things, H. You promised me when we got pregnant that you'd be finished with everything by the time the babies got fussy" You mumbled as you put your hands on his chest

"I know, love, and I am, I promise. Once the band and I record a couple more songs in the studio next week I'm all yours," he whispered as you shook your head violently.

"No! You won't be all mine. You'll find something else you'll need to do and then I'll have to watch the kids alone and I can barely walk and you're just going to leave"you all but yelled as you turned your back to Harry.

"(y/n)... what? What are you talking about? Of course, I'm going to be here. I've been home for weeks helping out" he replied back confused.

"Harry every day you've been home you're always locked away in your office or the studio downstairs. You bath the kids, you feed them lunch, great! That's the bare minimum. Who's the one that has to stop their tantrums or bubble wrap the house so they won't get hurt or even try and run around the garden with them while being the size of cow cause it sure as heck isn't you. And then once you're done with the album, you'll be on tour and I'll be alone again." you grumbled angrily.

"(Y/n) you are not the size of a cow and you know I'll give up my music the minute you tell me" he replied.

"I don't want you to give up your music" you stated stubbornly as Harry groaned.

"(Y/n), what is this really about then?" Harry asked tiredly.

"I need a break, Harry... I need to get away from here. The stress and the kids and the babies, I just... I need to go" you cried softly as you wrapped your arms around your bump and watched your baby girl play happily with her food, oblivious to the meltdown happening a few feet away from her.

"Baby, you're scaring me. What do you mean by go away? Do you want to head up north together? We can take the kids up to the cottage or visit my mum" he said quietly trying to hug you, but you stepped away.

"No Harry I need to get away from here... from you" you mumbled just as Connor walked into the room with his drawing.

"Mama look finish," he said with a squeal as you quickly wiped your tears and slowly crouched down to look at his drawing.

"It's beautiful, my love! Why don't we hang it on the fridge so Becca can see it every morning?" You replied back with a small smile as you used all of your strength to stand up again.

Harry saw you wobble slightly and quickly went to help you up from your crouched position. You leaned on his body as he steadied you from falling. You mumbled a quick thanks before going to the fridge with your little boy and helping him place his drawing on the fridge door with some magnets.

"Mommy's very tired baby, why don't you ask daddy and see if he'll make you mac and cheese for lunch while I take your sister up for her nap," you spoke to your son as he nodded with excitement. You carefully went and picked up your daughter from her high chair as Harry grabbed your elbow.

"(Y/n) come on, we're not done talking about all of this. You haven't eaten either. You've got me worried" Harry whispered as he looked at you expectantly.

"I'm not hungry now, thank you. It was a long night and I'm not feeling the best. Go make Connor's lunch, please" You replied as you began to make your way up the stairs.

You finally made it up the stairs with only a bit of heartburn to show for it. You carefully placed your baby girl in her crib and gave her a soft kiss on her forehead. You whispered a quick goodbye and started packing a bag. As you threw some dresses and a couple of sweaters into a duffle bag you called Anne who thankfully picked up on the first ring.

"Hello (y/n), how are you? How are the babies" she spoke cheerfully.

"Hi, Anne. I'm doing okay, the twins are definitely fighters. They're going to be a handful" you sniffled softly.

"Oh, sweetheart what's going on?" Anne asked, concern laced in her voice.

"I need to get away for awhile. Harry and the kids and the babies it's just all too much right now. I feel like I'm losing my mind and my hormones are all over the place and it's just so overwhelming and all Harry and I do is fight and I..." you said as you began to hyperventilate.

"(Y/n), I need you to breathe sweetheart, Okay? Stress isn't good for the babies and you already had that scare a couple of weeks back. Breathe love. Pregnancy can very hard and i know these twins haven't made it easy. Do you want me to yell at Harry for you?" she asked softly.

"No, no, it's okay. I just... I need to go somewhere for a couple of days. Just to get myself together before I say something or do something that I..." you started but you couldn't think straight.

"Okay love, that's okay. Everyone needs a little break every once in a while. Why don't you pack some clothes and your pregnancy pillow and come spend a couple of days here in Cheshire with me? I'll call Harry right now to tell him and he can stay and watch the kids for a bit. Why don't you call Gary and ask if he can drive you?" Anne asked.

"Yes, that sounds good" you mumbled as you began looking for your pillow.

"Ok, my love. I'll call Harry and tell him what's going on so he doesn't worry. You just message Gary, ok?"

"Yes, thank you, Anne. See you soon," you replied as Anne said her goodbyes.

After hanging up on Anne you texted Gary to ask if he could pick you up and drive you to Anne's. He agreed and told you he would be there in 15 minutes, giving you enough time to finish packing and say goodbye to your babies.

You were mid-way through packing your toiletries when you heard Harry's footsteps running up the stairs. He walked past your room and towards Connor's before making his way back to you.

"Mom just called me" he spoke softly as he approached you.

"Yes. Gary will be here soon to drive me up to her house" you replied as you placed your toothbrush in your bag and zipped it close.

"I'm glad he's driving you up... (Y/n) what's... what's going on baby. I need to know what's going through your head right now" he whispered as he wrapped his arms around your body tightly.

"My hormones have been all over the place and then I think the scare a couple of weeks ago has made me even more anxious because I don't want anything to happen to our babies and... I can't sleep well at night and I just..." you stammered as you forced yourself to take deep breaths while Harry rubbed circles into your lower back.

"Shhh, love... I know. I think staying with Mum for a couple of days will be good for you, give you some time to relax. I'll make sure the kids are okay and you just message me when you're ready to come back. I'll be just a call away if you need anything" He replied back as he continued to hug you tightly.

"You're not mad at me?" you asked as you looked him in the eye for the first time since your breakdown in the kitchen.

"Of course not, love. I know this pregnancy has been hell for you and I haven't been the best support these past couple of days so I think it will be good for you to have some time to yourself. I'll make sure the kids are ok and if I need I'll call up Gemma. Now, come on, Gary's waiting outside for you. I'll bring your bag and your pillow while you say goodbye to Connor and Becca" he stated as he placed a soft kiss to your forehead before grabbing your bags and heading down the stairs.

Carefully you slipped on your Dr.Scholls flip flops and made your way to Connor's room to say goodbye. Connor was playing with his blocks on the floor happily as you quietly called out his name as you went to take a seat on the rocking chair in his room. Connor stared up at you with a smile and ran over to hug you.

"Mama look blocks," he said excitedly as he pointed at the tower he had abandoned.

"Yes, baby it's a beautiful tower. Listen, love, mommy has to tell you something, ok? I want you to listen to mommy, ok? Can you listen to mommy?" you asked your little boy as he shook his head vigorously.

"Mommy's going to go spend a couple of days with Grandma Anne while you and Becca stay with daddy. You guys are going to have so much fun together! You're going to play lots of games together and maybe in a couple of days, you can come to visit." You spoke as the little boy frowned.

"I no go grandmas?" He asked quietly as he frowned.

"No baby, not yet. You have to stay and help daddy with Becca. Can you do that for me?" you explained to Connor as he nodded his head and hugged you tighter.

"Thank you, Connor. You're getting to be such a big boy. Thank you for watching your sister for me. Why don't you come with me so I can say bye to Becca and we can meet daddy downstairs" you mumbled as you stood up while taking your son's hand and slowly made your way to Becca's room.

Becca was peacefully sleeping in her crib when you walked in. You didn't want to wake her up and make Harry's day more difficult than it already was so you gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and made your way downstairs. Harry was at the door talking with Gary, most likely giving him instructions on getting me safe to Anne's. Harry saw you from the corner of his eye and quickly came to help you down the last few steps. Once you had made it to the bottom, Harry went to grab a lunchbox from the kitchen and passed it to you.

"Packed you a couple of snacks and a sandwich for the road and some of those weird gummies you've been craving," he stated, a small smile on his face as he crouched down to pick up your two-year-old in his arms.

"Say bye-bye to mamma, Connor. We'll see her in a couple of days." Harry mumbled to the little boy that pouted as he waved his little hand goodbye.

"Bye mama" Connor whispered as you kissed his forehead. You smiled with watery eyes as you said goodbye to your little boy before looking at Harry.

"I love you (y/n)" He told you as you whispered a soft 'I love you" back. You gave him a chaste kiss on the lips before walking outside to meet Gary.

You greeted Gary and got into the back seat of the black suburban that would be driving you to Anne's. By the time you rounded the end of your street you were fast asleep.

                           ----------------------------------------------------------------

Harry's POV:

I was officially going to lose it. I had been close over the years, but if either one of my kids cries one more time today I was going to have a mental breakdown. It had been four days since (Y/n) had gone to my mum's house and I had been left to watch the kids by myself. If there's anything I've learned from the last couple of days it's that my wife is fucking Wonder woman. I don't know how she managed to keep it together for so long because I was falling apart at the seams already.

It's not like I hadn't taken care of the two of them by myself before. I had numerous times when (Y/n) had worked late shifts at the hospital or had taken a weekend trip with her friends but for some reason, these past couple of days have been far worse than any of the previous ones. Becca had made it her absolute mission to try and run herself into every corner she could. So far she had managed to fall at least four times, all ending with a minimum three-hour cry afterward. Connor tried to help calm down Becca but most of the time he would just get upset because she was and they both end up crying. Yesterday had been the breakpoint for me though.

I had managed to keep Becca and Connor from crying all afternoon which was quite a miracle and just as I was putting them to bed, Becca saw a picture of (Y/n) in the hallway and began to scream for (y/n). This consequently woke Connor up who also cried because he could go to sleep so the three of us ended up in (y/n) and I's bed cuddled in the sheets as both of my kids cried through the night. The only person I knew that could fix this situation besides (Y/n) was Gemma and after practically begging her and promising to not be a dick when she came she said yes to helping me out.

After giving up on trying to get the kids out of their pajamas, I grabbed them both in my arms and walked them downstairs to start on some breakfast. They seemed to have tired themselves out with all of their crying so for the time being, they sat down quietly in their respective chairs and munched on their cheerios. I had just finished up making some Oatmeal when the doorbell rang, signaling that Gemma had arrived.

"Mama" Connor mumbled as he rubbed his eyes.

"No baby not mama yet, but aunty Gemma came to visit. Should we go open the door?" I asked as he nodded excitedly.

I grabbed Becca out of her high chair and held Connor's hand as we made our way to the door. As soon as I opened it Connor sprinted into Gemma's arms in a fit of giggles. It was nice to hear him laugh after all the crying that had been going on these past couple of days. I gave Gemma a quick kiss on the cheek before letting her in and walking back into the kitchen.

"Looking a little rough there Har. When's the last time you shaved those whiskers on your lip" Gemma laughed as she grabbed Becca from my arms and held her.

"Shut it. I haven't slept in days. Feel like I'm losing my mind" I mumbled as I poured the oatmeal into two bowls.

"You want anything to eat? Can make some toast and scrambled eggs" I asked as Gemma shook her head.

"Mama mama" Becca mumbled as she clawed at Gemma's shirt.

"I might have boobs like mama but mine, unfortunately, can't give you what you want little one" Gemma replied back as I laughed.

"Lot's of missing mama this week from all of us. Have you gotten a chance to check in with mom yet? See how (y/n)'s doing? Didn't want to be annoying so I haven't called since the first day" I stated as I placed a bowl of oatmeal in front of Connor and gave the other to Gemma to start feeding Becca.

"Mom said she's been okay. I think the fresh air is helping but her hormones are still all over. Mom said she was feeling a bit insecure about her size the other day but was starting to get better about it." Gemma replied as she fed Becca a spoonful of oatmeal.

"Insecure? She's pregnant. I think she's glowing. Nothing more beautiful than a pregnant lady" I said with a frown think about (Y/n).

"I know but Tracey always says that being the pregnant one is different. It feels like everyone's always watching you and now that she has twins she feels even bigger. One baby is bad enough but two of them with your big head inside at once can't be at all comfortable" Gemma said.

"I know but she's big because she has two of my babies and I think she looks breathtaking."

"Did you tell her that recently?" Gemma asked.

"Well... no ... maybe I- I think so" I mumbled as Gemma glared at me.

"I know I know I should have told her more often but I got busy and then Jeff kept calling and she'd kick me out of bed and-"

"Harry everything you just said is why (Y/n) needed a break. You hadn't been paying attention to her at all or the kids because you were so caught up in work. Now that you've realized that as a parent of two and two on the way you need to step it up because your wife can't do it by herself. You can't overwhelm yourself with work especially with the scare (Y/n) had a couple of weeks back."

"I know I know, but I don't know how to help her if she pushes me away" I replied back in frustration.

"Why don't you start by calling Jeff and canceling all those recording sessions you have planned. I know your job and your music is important but you need to put your family first and the health of your wife and your babies" Gemma stated as she wiped some oatmeal off of Becca's cheek.

"I already did! Once (Y/n) left I canceled all of the sessions and interviews and meetings that I couldn't do from home. Told Jeff that after this week I was officially going on a break until after the twins are born and we're all settled." I replied as I passed Connor a napkin for his sticky hands.

"Well did you tell (Y/n) or mom any of this cause (Y/n) is so stressed you'll miss the birth of the babies cause of your work!" Gemma said sternly as she looked at me.

"Bu-but why would she think I'd miss it! Haven't missed any of the births or her appointments?" I groaned.

"I think she's just scared. You were out of town when the bleeding started and she was an absolute wreck when I took her to the hospital. Doctors said they had to give her a sedative because she nearly had a panic attack in the ER and her blood pressure skyrocketed. Mom said she was panicking on the phone when she called her" Gemma replied as she bounced Becca up and down on her lap.

"Careful, she'll vomit. God, I wish I could just see (Y/n) but I don't want to make things worse"

"I think both of you suffered enough with this time apart so why don't you call mom and tell her you and these little rascals are coming up today. Once you called me I texted mom to let her know you'd probably make an appearance today" Gemma replied as she tickled Becca's tummy.

"You're right, I should. I'm going to call mom and let her know. Can you pack Becca a bag and maybe change her diaper?" I asked as I made my way to go find my phone upstairs.

"Bag, yes. Diaper, hell no" Gemma mumbled as I laughed.

                           -------------------------------------------------------------

(Y/N) POV:

Today was a good day. You had managed to make it the entire morning without crying which is more than you can say for the other three days you had spent at Anne's house. It looked like you had finally managed to get your hormones under control and were even excited to spend the day in town with Anne. You had promised her that after moping around her house since you got there that you would spend today with her in town as long as you could stop to get one of those chocolate croissants Harry always brought from the bakery.

You waddled down the stairs in the navy blue Gucci dress Harry bought you for Christmas that cinched just above your belly, making you look all the more pregnant. You didn't necessarily like it the first couple of times you tried it on but every time you wore it Harry's face would light up with a smile and that was enough for you to wear it a bit more often.

"Good morning (Y/n), how did you sleep last night? Did the ice pack behind your neck help with the hot flashes?" Anne asked as she sipped her cup of coffee at the kitchen table.

"It was a miracle worker, first time in months that I haven't woken up in a puddle of my own sweat" you replied back as you gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and sat down next to her.

"I'm glad. I know you're not a tea drinker but can I get you some decaf or maybe some hot chocolate? I think I have some from the last time you guys were over" Anne replied as she got up to get her a mug.

"Hot chocolate sounds wonderful. I can make it though don't worry" you said as Anne waved you away and began taking out the chocolate mix.  

"So how are you feeling today? Better with the hormones and such?" Anne asked cautiously as she stirred the hot chocolate and placed it in front of you.

"I've gotten them under control for the most time, I usually only feel like crying when I to miss Harry and my other babies. Wish they could have come up for a bit but it's been nice to spend some time with you and away from the chaos."

"It's been very nice having you here and I can't wait to meet two more of my grandbabies. Speaking of Harry, he called me this morning?" Anne mumbled into her coffee.

"Is he ok? Are my babies ok? Is someone hurt?" You questioned with a jump.

"Everyone's fine don't worry. Just wanted to see how you were doing." Anne replied. You relaxed back into your seat knowing that everyone was ok at home.

"Thank god. I was worried about leaving them with Harry. He's a great dad, but they can be a handful especially if they tag team you with the crying. It's enough to pull your hair out" you mumble as Anne laughs.

"I can only imagine. Gemma was pretty calm as a child, but Harry was my little attention seeker, couldn't put him down without the tears starting"

"Becca's the same way. If you leave her alone more than a quick bathroom break she'll start screaming her head off. I miss them..." you stated as you grabbed a biscuit and shoved it in your mouth.

"Well a little birdy might have mentioned that someone special could be coming up later today" Anne mumbled trying to hide her grin behind her mug.

"What? What do you mean? Is Harry coming up here?!" You asked excitedly as you nearly drop your coffee mug on the floor.

Anne nodded as you crushed her into bear hug and placed a kiss to her cheek.

"Thank you thank you" you whispered as you held her tight.

"It was all Gemma, dear. And besides, I think you both could really use it. From what I hear my grandkids aren't making it the easiest time. They should be here within the next half hour so why don't you go get dressed and I'll get the kids room all set up for them?" Anne replied as she carefully helped you stand and walked you up the stairs.

Once upstairs, you could help but let out a small squeal at the idea of finally seeing Harry and your kids again. It had only been a couple of days and even though you always love spending some girl time alone with Anne, it was time to see all of your babies (Harry included). You decided to take a quick shower before throwing on a coral pink wrap dress that cut off just above the knee. Just as you were putting on your sneakers (probably the most comfortable shoes you own tbh) Anne knocked on the door to tell you that Harry's car had just pulled into the drive way. You smiled and quickly finished tying your shoes before carefully, but quickly, made your way down the stairs and to the front door.

The sight in front of you was almost too much for you to handle. Connor stood at the side of the car staring at the birds playing the bird feeder. His foot pajamas were covered in what you could only assume was banana stains and the shoe laces on his Gucci sneakers were untied. Your husband stood with his back to you as he wrestled with the fussy one year old in the car street. His pajama pants were riding low on his hips and the white cotton t shirt he sometimes wears to bed had a large stain on his right shoulder, most likely from burping Becca. Just as you were about to approach your little family when suddenly you son came running towards you.

"Mama mama... I here" Connor called out as he hurled himself towards you.

"I see that baby! How are you? Were you good for dada?" You asked him as you carefully lifted him up in your arms and nodded his head.

"I good mama. I good" he stated enthusiastically as you placed a kiss to his cheek.

"How is my favorite grandbaby boy doing? Come with me so your mommy can go help daddy with Becca" Anne stated as Connor all but launched himself at his grandma with a squeal.

You gave Anne a smile before walking over to Harry. You tapped on his shoulder and watched as his shoulders relaxed and he carefully turned around to see you. The weeks could be seen right on his face. His hair was shooting out every which way, a curl follow over his eyes every now and then. There was also a slight hint of stubble across his chin which you knew only appeared after he had gone a couple of days without shaving. The stain on the shoulder of his pajama shirt wasn't the only one on his shirt as you saw a couple splatters of green which you could only assume was peas. He was mess all over, but he was your mess. He gave you the soft smile that you fell in love with all those years ago and you practically tumbled into his arms.

"Hello my love" he mumbled into your hair as he brushed a strand of it behind your ear while rubbing his other hand up and down your back.

"Hi H" you whispered as tears began to prick your eyes.

"I missed you so much, the kids and I were a mess without you but I hope you got to relax a bit" Harry whispered into your ear.

"It was nice, but I missed you all a lot. I hope they weren't to much trouble" you mumbled into his neck.

"Let's just say it's a miracle we didn't get a noise complaint from all of the crying but we survived... barely." Harry replied as you laughed.

The two of you stood there for a bit before you began to hear your daughter's soft whines coming from the open car door. You carefully detached yourself from Harry and made your way to your daughter who sat in her car seat, eyes wide looking at the two of you.

"Hello baby. How is my precious girl doing? Did you make daddy's life difficult?" you mumbled in a baby voice as you picked her up from her car seat and cradled her into your neck.

She let out a soft whine before snuggling into your chest and closing her eyes again.

"All she needed was her mama" Harry replied as he wrapped his arms around you from behind and placed a kiss to your temple.

"All I needed was you" you whispered back as you placed a soft kiss to his lips.

"I love you (Y/n)"

"I love you too, H"

[pinky-the-elephant-room]

A girl with a crush

AN: I wrote this prompt for @liliesoftherain​ to show my love since she recently got into Haikyuu and she has a thing for blond tsunderes. Phfft. It’s sort of a fast moving one shot (6k) but since I dont love lilie enough to write her an ongoing slow burn story this will have to do. Credits to lilie for making this banner she has become competent at making them. Just a heads up for those who don’t know I’m a BNHA blog that does regular prompts for that anime, this is the few exceptions I do every now and then. Also sorry if Tsukki might be occ? I haven’t watched all of Haikyuu! yet so *bows apologetically* Though my friend said he wasn’t so you guys let me know if he was. 

Warning: Explicit smut with a bit of degradation and sort of dub con?

Pairing: Tsukishima Kei x Fem reader

----------------------------

It started off so simple. Every person who’s ever had a crush would tell you that having your crush talk to you makes you feel like you’re on top of the world. What they don’t tell you is that adrenaline and happiness can become addictive. I had started my first year of high school in class 1-4 when I noticed him, he was exactly my type. Tall with blond hair and glasses to match, I’ve always been attracted to the smart guys. And he was one of the top students in that class. When sensei took roll, I learned his name, Tsukishima Kei. I didn’t have a crush on him right away. He was just a good-looking guy I noticed in my class and that’s it. I had more important things to worry about like class 1-4 and how hard it was due to it being a college preparatory class.

A few weeks in we were assigned a project for English, we had to present a project on how Japan could improve their English comprehension. Lo and behold my partner was Tsukishima.

“If you’re not going to do your part tell me now so I don’t waste my time,” he had said to me as soon as class ended.

I immediately bristled because I was a relatively hard-working person.

“Don’t worry I’ll do my part.” I replied. He seemed skeptical but nodded.

“Meet me at the public library near our school,” he told me before dismissing me.  

Afterschool he arrived a few mins after I did with a plain black-haired guy that was in our class. I recognized Yamaguchi from the fact that they were always together. Apparently, they even joined the volleyball club at the same time.

I just raised my eyebrow at Yamaguchi as he joined their table before getting homework out and started working on it. I ignored him, and I pulled out paper so we could get the basics jotted down.

You’d think I would be happy getting to work with a handsome guy, right? Nope! Immediately the condescending comments started right away. None of my notes and the research I had started on was good enough. None of my ideas reached his standards.

“Did you even fact check this?” Tsukishima asked as he slid my paper back to me.

I glared at him. “Of course, I did!”

He didn’t even look at me as he started to write on his own paper.

“Second sentence paragraph 3. You didn’t even cite plus the statistic is wrong.”

I was about to explode when I glanced at the paper. I grumbled realizing the arrogant boy was right.

Yamaguchi snickered under his breath. I swiveled my head towards him as he continued to diligently work on his homework like he wasn’t just laughing at me.

I gripped my pencil tightly. ‘Calm down. It’s just a few more hours. You need a good grade in English to start off the year strong.’

By the end of their study session I couldn’t believe I actually thought the boy was cute. He might be handsome, but his personality was utter crap. His snide comments had continued throughout the session and drove me nuts. I had never wanted to physically hurt someone as bad as him. God help whoever the guy dated.

I just tossed my papers and stationery in my bookbag in a hurry to get out of here.

Just as I was about to leave, I heard Yamaguchi and Tsukishima approaching and talking.

“Tsukki, let’s go grab a snack before going home,” Yamaguchi said to the blonde.

I couldn’t help but snort and snicker at the nickname.

Both boys turned to me in surprise. Tsukishima narrowed his eyes at me and asked, “what’s so funny?”

I shrugged. “Nothing, I just think it’s weird that a boy like you has such a cute nickname.”

Tsukishima frowned severely at me. Before he could say anything more, I cheerfully skipped off, glad to have finally gotten under his skin.

 A week later, the presentation for English went well. We both earned a good grade. It was time for gym as all the girls changed into their gym uniforms in the classroom. We then went outside in the hot sun to start exercising.

I leisurely started running, doing it at my own pace rather than running all at once and depleting my stamina. I noticed someone running beside me and it was Tsukishima. It wasn’t fair how athletic he was, he wasn’t even sweating or huffing like I was.

“You know,” I began, “I never would have pegged you for a guy who plays volleyball.”

He looked surprised at me like he just noticed I was there.

I scowled.

“For a guy like you I would have suspected something like basketball.”

He glared at me. “Well, you aren’t exactly very perspective, are you? After all you were no help on our project. So, idiot’s opinions don’t count.”

My mouth dropped at his audacity. He smirked at me, liking my outraged reaction.

“Excuse me? I earned that grade just like you! If anyone’s opinion doesn’t matter it’s yours because you’re just an arrogant, hateful asshole!” I spat at him before increasing my speed and running off.

 From there we would continue to have petty disagreements within the classrooms and sometimes outside of it. All the while Yamaguchi would stand there like a spectator watching us go back and forth. Until one afternoon I stayed behind to talk to a teacher and asked them about my grades. The sky had darkened by the time I was ready to go home. Most of the school emptied and even worse heavy rain clouds moved in and it started raining heavily. I sighed as I checked my backpack for the third time looking for that umbrella, I swore I packed.  The classroom door suddenly slid open startling the hell out of me. Tsukishima walked in and stopped dead at the sight of me.

“What are you still doing here?” he asked.

I rolled my eyes in annoyance and huffed. I so didn’t need this right now.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but I misplaced my umbrella so I’m waiting for the rain to slow down.”

Tsukishima grabbed his glasses’ case from his desk and started to leave.

“You’re right it’s not my business.” Just as he was about to close the door. “You might want to leave the classroom they’re going to lock the doors.”

I cursed under my breath and started heading for the front of the school. I can just wait there for the rain to stop. Changing out of school slippers into my outdoor shoes, I made my way to the front door.

I noticed Tsukishima still waiting outside.

“Do you not have an umbrella either?” I asked. Even if it was him it would be nice to have some company while I waited. It was getting really dark outside and it kind of scared me to be here alone.

He shook his head and pulled out a dark umbrella from his own bag. I swallowed back a gulp, knowing that I would be here all alone.

Tsukishima unfurled the umbrella and snapped it open. He turned back to me and offered me the umbrella.

I just stared in astonishment.

“Here! Don’t just stand there like an idiot!” He snapped at me.

I took it hesitantly.

“But what about you? Aren’t you going to get wet?”

“I have another one in the gym locker room.”

I looked at my phone and noticed it was getting really late.

“I’m sorry I really have to catch the bus now. I’m going to be late! I’ll return this to you tomorrow.” I said with a huge smile.

He nodded at me and pushed his glasses back up.

I started leaving, feeling my cheeks heat up and heart beat faster as I gripped Tsukishima’s umbrella tighter.

And that was how my crush had started. With that one small act of kindness.

 After that umbrella incident, I wanted to talk to him more and more. The intense meanspirited conversations had instead turned into lighthearted teasing. Well, more playful teasing on my part, he still called me an idiot. It was such a rush to have all of his attention on me. Even if it was for a few minutes, even if it meant that he was insulting me. It was official I had a crush on Tsukishima.

I sat during lunch with a faraway look on my face. All the girls in the class had bunched up their desks and we ate together.

“Y/N, what’s wrong with you today? Aren’t you hungry?” A girl named Momo asked.

I looked down at my bento and it was untouched, still full to the brim.

“You guys know Tsukishima in our class right..?” I began hesitantly.

A girl across from me who went by the name of Sana smiled. “You like him, don’t you?”

I blushed and nodded. “Am I that obvious?”

She shrugged. “Not really, but every girl who meets him has a crush until he opens his mouth. Then they get over it. I went to the same middle school as him and even shared classes together. A lot of girls liked him, but he’s how do you say this delicately?”

“An asshole?” Momo said wryly.

“No, he’s a classic anime example of a tsundere.”

I giggled, that was spot on.

“But the thing about tsunderes is that they’re great in anime. But not in real life. Dealing with them can be exhausting.” Sana warned.

My smile dropped and I quietly replied, “I know I’m not looking to confess or anything. I just like talking to him.”

Momo shot a look of warning to Sana who just stuck her tongue back at her.

“Well, if you need advice you know that we are here for you.”

I nodded, feeling a pit of sadness within myself. Thinking I might just be hungry, I picked up my chopsticks and dug into my lunch.

 And I kept my word months after that conversation. I never confessed to him. I did continue to talk to him more like tease, but it was the only way I knew how to get his attention. The exhilarating feeling, I got every time I was near him made me feel like an addict and I loved it. But then something weird started happening that ruined everything.

I knew that Tsukishima was part of the volleyball team, but I had never seen them in action. So, I had dragged a few of the other girls to see them practice. We came into the gym to see the practice already in full swing. The two girls who stood in the gym seemed like managers and looked at us curiously when we entered. I bowed to them in greeting before taking a seat on the bleachers.

Though, I had never seen a volleyball game and I didn’t even know the rules. It was easy to see the boys were really talented and the way they jumped up to serve the ball was really cool. A whistle sounded and all the boys relaxed. Tsukishima turned around and I saw his eyes widened when he saw me on the bleachers.

“Tsukishima! I came to see you play!” I hollered as I cupped my hands.

Several of his teammates turned around to see who was yelling and shot me weird looks.

“Tsukishima, I didn’t know you had a girlfriend.”

Tsukishima coughed into his hands a few times. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. I don’t know who she is. I have never met her in my life. Let’s restart practice,” he said in what he hoped was a calm voice, but his red ears gave him away.

Several of the girls hearing that started grumbling at his rudeness. Yamaguchi was at least nice enough to wave at them and they all waved back in return.

I grinned knowing that I had made a dent in his composure. I did my best to cheer for him each time he did anything even as mundane to stop and tie his shoes. I could tell by the tenseness of his shoulders how close he was to exploding.

Eventually the whistle sounded, and practice was over. Tsukishima rushed off to the locker room and returned in record time, changed and with his gym bag.

“What do you think you're doing here,” he hissed.

I smiled mischievously. “I’m here to see you play, silly. I want to support my classmate.”

“I don’t want or need your support.  Your annoying voice made me lose concentration and I have never played so bad in my life. Go study instead and maybe put that brain to use for once.”

He glared at me furiously and walked away in a way that almost looked like stomping. But it wasn’t because Tsukishima doesn’t stomp right?

I grinned manically at his reaction. Oh, how I wished I could do this every day, but that would be tempting fate too much.

“Y/N, I swear you’re a masochist even though he’s so mean you still like him. It’s like you egg him on purpose,” Momo interjected from behind me.

She stopped, seeing my creepy smile.

“You like him insulting you. Don’t you?”

I protested vehemently and shook my head.

“It turns on you doesn’t it?” she asked again with a devious grin.

I spluttered as my face turned red and I almost felt like I couldn’t breathe.

Sana patted my back a few times as I calmed down and glared at Momo who put up her hands and shrugged.

Eventually we all left the gym and went out for some ice cream before heading home.

But what Momo said that day wouldn’t leave my head because I was messing with him for his attention right? It’s not like I wanted to be called names. There’s just no way. If you think about it logically every time someone else called me rude names, I responded back just as rudely. It doesn’t excite me. I shook my head and laughed. Yup, there was just no way.

However, the possibility just wouldn’t leave me as the more I teased and the more he responded back rudely, the redder I would become. It even got to the point where Tsukishima himself could tell there was something going on with me.

“What’s going on with you? Not that I care but you’re acting weirder than you usually do,” he asked bluntly when I bumped into him in the hallway.

I laughed nervously. “I’m not sure what you mean. I’m acting like I usually do.”

He stared at me for a moment. “You mean like the moron you are?”

Immediately, my heart started racing and my face started turning red.

Tsukishima just watched me incredulously as my body reacted to his words which caused me to blush even harder.

“I have to go.” I yelped as I basically ran away.

It was after this incidence I realized Tsukishima knew I liked him. Or I suspected he did because after that every time I tried to tease him like I usually do, he just wouldn’t respond with anger like he usually would. In fact, he kept giving me weird looks. There was even one time where I passed both Yamaguchi and him on the way home. I greeted them both, but only Yamaguchi would respond, and Tsukishima pretended like I wasn’t even there. Hell, he probably even knew about my weird penchant for liking his insults. So, eventually with a heavy heart I left him alone. Afterall, if someone doesn’t like you then you can’t force them to like you back.

Still, when I think about this incidence years later it makes me mad. Because its not like I confessed to him or pursued him. In fact, most people would say I wasn’t even that obvious. Yet, he couldn’t be mature enough to handle a girl who liked him.

-Time Skip-

It was years later that I realized that what my friend Momo had said then was true. It took some experimenting and soul searching to discern that yes, I had particular tastes, but it didn’t make me weird or a disgusting person. In fact, it was healthy and natural, something that I took great pleasure in exploring after I graduated high school.

I waited in line at Starbucks for my latte, I was usually here early in the morning. My name was called up before I grabbed my drink and settled in a booth. Like I said I’m here most mornings, reviewing for my classes before they started. Nursing classes in college were no joke if you miss even one day you’re likely to get behind and fail.

Just as I was about to open my textbook and get started, someone dumped their bookbag in the seat in front of me.

I looked up. “Excuse me, this booth is-“

I choked on my own words when I realized I was looking at Tsukishima. Even years later he was still handsome as ever, he even looked taller. He was still wearing glasses and was dressed casually.

“This booth is what? It looks empty unless you’re waiting for someone?”

I shook my head. He slid in the booth in front of me.

“H-how you been? Long time no s-see,” I said.

God, this was awkward how the hell do you talk to someone who purposely ignored you in high school after they found about your crush?

He shrugged. “Can’t complain. College and volleyball keeps me busy.”

I looked at him in surprise. “You still play?”

He took a sip of his coffee and nodded in affirmation. “I’ve seen you in this coffee shop a few times. So, I guess you go to that college nearby.”

The two of us got into a discussion of how I was going into a master’s nursing program after graduation and how he was going to work in a museum afterwards. It was hard to believe this was the same guy who would regularly argue with me in high school. The same guy who would respond to my jokes with insults. He seemed so relaxed and he had even smirked at some of the nonsense I had rambled on about. It seemed like the baggage that weighed on him back then was something that he resolved. He looked like he was in a better place than the boy I knew in high school.

Soon, I had to leave for my class and I almost gave him my number. I shook my head; this wasn’t the time to relive childhood crushes. I had moved on and I was better for it. So, with that in mind I made my way to my morning class. However, imagine my surprise when he continued to show up in that coffee shop every morning and chat with me. He had his bookbag with him, but he never attempted to do work like I would. And neither would I get any work done with him there. But I never had the heart to tell him to go away or even find somewhere else to study. I was there every morning diligently.

Weeks turned into months and we continued to still meet. Not everything about him changed though. He still sometimes responded with annoyance, however this time the insults were tinged with a bit of affection that I couldn’t help but notice. It made my heart pound and made me feel like a schoolgirl once more. I tried not to get my hopes up high, you’d think I would have learned from last time. But there was just something about him that made me helpless. Plus, the fact after a couple of months he had taken me out to restaurants and the movies a couple times, gave me hope that maybe this time it was different. It all became clear when he invited me out for karaoke with his other friends.

I had dressed up in a pretty, floral summer dress with natural makeup and some flats. I tried to look good but casual, I didn’t want him to get any ideas. I walked up to the karaoke bar that we were supposed to meet up at and was surprised to see him standing there with Yamaguchi.

I hadn’t seen Yamaguchi in a while, and he looked great as well. He seemed shocked to see me and, in my excitement, I gave him a tight hug. He blushed and returned it a bit awkwardly.

I turned to Tsukishima and greeted him. He seemed annoyed for some reason. Tsukishima quickly started introducing the whole group. There were a few other girls and guys I didn’t recognize and apparently, they were all from his college. I greeted them and bowed my head a little.

They all started to go in the bar, and I was too when Tsukishima grabbed my wrist and pulled me back.

“I forgot to tell you. You look nice,” he murmured as he looked at me from top to bottom.

I felt my cheeks heat up and mumbled “thanks.” I felt him squeeze my hand before letting go.

“You coming?” He kept the door opened for me and let me in. We walked together to the reserved karaoke room side by side; my shoulders kept brushing up against his. I felt the heat from his body and his hands secure me around my waist before we arrived at the room. The small karaoke room seemed cramped from all the people, but he pulled me next to him in a seat in the corner.

Before long everyone was singing, eating snacks, and drinking beer. I was about to ask him to sing with me for the next round when a red-haired girl came to sit on the other side of Tsukishima. She hogged his attention for the next hour. She kept touching his hands and leaning over to talk to him. Tsukishima for his part seemed ok with the attention and indulged her, leaving me in the corner just sipping beer. I felt like crying just when everything seemed ok and he appeared to be interested, reality came and slapped me in the face. I wanted to leave right away, but I couldn’t without being rude. So, I sat there in the corner watching everyone sing and have a good time, while the girl and him sat so close together she was basically on his lap.

When she let out a loud laugh and planted a kiss on his cheek, I finally lost it. My eyes clouded with tears and I stood up abruptly. Tsukishima seemed startled and pushed her off him.

“Thanks for inviting me, but I have to go. I don’t feel so good. Excuse me,” I said while gathering my phone and purse.

I left quickly and wiped the tears from my eyes on the way out. I sniffled a few times on the street as I figured out if I wanted to grab a taxi or walk to the nearest train station.

“Y/N!” I heard someone called out my name.

I looked back to see Tsukishima making his way to me. Not wanting him to convince me to come back and watch as he flirted with another woman, I hiked up my dress and speed walked away from the bar. Unfortunately for me his longer legs meant he caught up to me in no time and grabbed my hand.

“Why are you leaving?” he asked.

I shifted my eyes nervously, not looking him in the eye.

“I felt nauseous and kind of dizzy, so I thought I should go home to rest,” I lied as I felt my hands get sweaty.

“Ok, let’s go.” Tsukishima grabbed my hands and started pulling me towards the street.

“What’re you doing?” I tried to pull my hands back from his tight grip.

“Making sure you get home safely. I can’t let you go like this by yourself.”

He hailed a taxi and made sure I was settled in the backseat before he let himself in from the other door. Apparently, he was serious about this enough to accompany me home.

“Tell the driver your address,” he said as he nudged me from my shock. I mumbled the address of my apartment and rested my head against the car’s cool glass window. I really didn’t want to be near Tsukishima right now, a man that’s rejected me twice. So, I ignored him and pretended to rest the entire way there.

Tsukishima paid the driver as I frankly refused to pay as it was his idea to get a taxi and I let myself out. I heard another door slam and watched as the taxi drove away without Tsukishima in it.

“What do you think you’re doing? I’m home now so you can go back to karaoke.”

He smirked. “Well, see you rushed off in such a hurry that I didn’t even get to eat properly. So, I think you should invite me in and repay me with coffee.”

I gritted my teeth. “I have no coffee in my apartment right now so please go away.”

“You drink coffee multiple times per day. I’m pretty sure a coffee maniac like you has some in your apartment,” he said as he walked off towards my apartment.

“Now where are you going! You don’t even know which apartment it is!” I huffed as I rushed to catch up with him.

“You told the driver 206, right?”

I cursed my idiotic self; I should have just taken the train.  I caught up to him a few minutes later and found him waiting at my door. He looked at me like I was the stupid one for walking so slow.

I glared at him and opened the door. Tsukishima invited himself in and was at least polite enough to remove his shoes before making himself at home.

I sighed knowing that he wasn’t going to go away anytime soon so I might as well just give him his coffee and send him on his way.

Just as I was about to go into the kitchen, he grabbed me again and held me against his chest. His hand let go of mine and traveled down to my waist. He held it tightly enough so even when I was trying to push him away, he wouldn’t budge.

“You want to tell me why you left in such a hurry? The truth this time.”

I huffed angrily.

“Can you let go? I need to make coffee so you can leave my apartment!”

Tsukishima tilted my face up so he can look me in the eyes. “The truth, Y/N.”

I grinded my teeth together and pushed against him. “I told you the truth already. Can you give me some space?”

I smacked his hand from my face away. “In fact, you can stop touching me so familiarly we are not together!” I yelled and gained more confidence. “You can go back to karaoke and talk to that lovely girl. It’s obvious that’s what you wanna do. I’m not sure what you’re doing here.”

That last part was said with more bitterness than I intended. I looked up at him to see him watching me carefully like he was trying to figure something out. Tsukishima smiled slowly and it made me wary. He’s never smiled at me like that before. In fact, he’s only ever smirked or scowled in my presence before.

“I never thought I would see the day that moron’s advice on women actually work out.”

I scowled at him. Now what was he talking about? I was this close to biting his hand so he would let go.

“That’s it! I’ve had enough of you for one day. You need to leave right now.” I pointed at the door.

Of course, being Tsukishima, he completely ignored me and touched my cheek. I was dumbstruck and could only watch as his face got nearer, and our lips connected.

My eyes fluttered close as I desperately responded and rested my hands on his shoulder. I had to be on my toes to reach his height still it wasn’t enough as he had to bend the rest of the way to connect.

Panting harshly, I could barely get out “bedroom” before he kissed me again.

Tsukishima picked me up bridal style like I weighed nothing as I pointed out where my bedroom actually was.

I found a particularly sensitive spot right below his ear when I started kissing his neck as he held me. The hitch of his breath made me grin. I bit down gently and sucked harshly before letting go, leaving behind a large bruise. I smirked triumphantly, hoping that the red-haired girl who flirted with him earlier saw it sooner or later.

Tsukishima put me down and touched the dampened area where I had left my mark. He raised his eyebrow as if to say ‘really?’

“Take your clothes off, Y/N” he said as he leisurely took a seat on my bed.

I blushed and shakily started to pull my dress over my head. I threw the dress over to the side and awkwardly wrapped my hands around my midsection. I watched his eyes turn dark as he greedily looked at my exposed curves.

He held out his hand to me and I took it and was pulled into his lap. He kissed me and I opened my mouth to deepen the kiss. I felt his hand messing with the back of my bra and I felt it loosen and tugged off my arms. His warm hands squeezed my breasts and I groaned into the kiss.

He abruptly ended the kiss and started kissing the tops of my breasts with reverence.  

“I didn’t know that girl. She’s Yamaguchi’s friend. I used her to make you jealous.” Tsukishima lightly pinched one breast before taking the other in his mouth.

I tugged his hair, pushing him into my cleavage further. If I wasn’t so numb with pleasure, I would have smacked him a few times.

“A-ahhh ah, you made me cry, asshole,” I whimpered out. He let the right one go before moving onto the left one. He swirled and sucked it thoroughly like a newborn.

“I’m not sorry. It got me into your bed didn’t it? I’ve tried for months and I got nowhere. Had to give you a push,” he mumbled into my chest as he left a trail of hickies in his wake before kissing me again.

Grabbing a fistful of his hair, I pulled as hard as I could to punish him. He only groaned in return and grinded into my center. That quickly backfired as I was left wanting and desperate for friction. I rutted back against him, trying to feel his harden member in his jeans against my damp center.

Tsukishima settled me on top of the bed as he quickly removed his own clothes and removed his glasses. He trapped my hands above my head and settled in nicely between my thighs.

“You think I don’t know how much you want me? I bet you stayed up late at night, fantasying about how much you wanted me to use you like the dirty whore you are,” he whispered huskily in my ear.

My eyes widened and my face became covered in red splotches.

“H-how did you know that I like-“

Tsukishima scoffed. “It was obvious with how you tried to rile me up each time. You still haven’t changed from high school, have you?”

He took his member and lined up against my center.

“I don’t usually like to cuss; I can easily tear someone apart without being uncouth. But if you’re a good girl while I get mine. I’ll reconsider it.” He pecked my lips before withdrawing.

Tsukishima grabbed my hips and held me, while he drove his cock inside, not waiting for me to get accustomed to his size.

I tried to twist my hands out of his hold, instead he tightened it and drove his thrusts even harder as punishment.

He was tearing me apart, clearly, he was chasing his own pleasure as he disregarded everything even my own feelings as he wouldn’t even kiss me.

Feeling my juices gush out he couldn’t help but remark. “Heh, look at you. You’re loving this right now.”

My body shuddered as the harsh treatment excited me further and further, but I just needed something else to cross that threshold.

Tsukishima’s thrusts started losing their rhythm and became sloppier and sloppier.

He let go of my hands and pulled me closer. “Y/N, say my name,” he panted out desperately.

“T-tsukishima..” I choked out.

“No, call me Kei. I’m so close.”

He rested his head on top of my shoulder as he got closer and closer. I threaded my fingers through his sweaty, blond hair.

“Let go, Kei. I got you,” I whispered as he groaned from the pleasure. His warm cum painted my insides and his member twitched several times inside before Tsukishima finally collapsed on top of me.

He laid there on top for several minutes, but I couldn’t help but think was that it? Because I was still drenched and needy.

When he finally got off and noticed my stricken face, Tsukishima got incredibly smug.

“Should I give you what you need? Were you a good girl?”

I took his hand and put it where I needed it. “God damn it! Either get to work or I’ll finish on my own.”

Immediately his face grew fierce and scowled. I gulped. He kissed me harshly and dominated the kiss. I could only helplessly hang on as he once again took what he wanted and punished me.

“If only I could have done that when we were younger to shut you up. It would have made my life easier,” he growled.

My eyes widened when he spread my legs out and settled in between. I jumped up when I felt his warm breath on my wet entrance.

It felt like hours, but he spent a long time licking and teasing me as my walls clenched around his fingers. Each time I was close to finally reaching my climax, he would pull away and stop completely. I was beyond frustrated with him. With the shitty day I had because of him I deserved better, but apparently he didn’t agree with that sentiment. I eventually started begging him, sobbing to let me cum only for him to pull his hand away from my clit.

He sat up and I looked at him through my tear-filled eyes.

“You look pretty like this. Crying and helpless underneath me. It suits you,” he said as he wiped my tears away.  

He palmed his once again hard member and I watched with abated breath. Finally.

Tsukishima grabbed my leg and threw it over his shoulder before driving his cock into me. I keened with pleasure as he set a harsh pace that was better than the first. With the angle he was able to hit all the spots I desperately needed him to. He whispered filthy sentiments as he owned and possessed me physically from below.

It was all too much; I was too wound up and soon enough I was cumming all over his penetrating member.

Tsukishima didn’t slow down and kept his fast thrusts as he helped me ride out the orgasm.

“Think you got another one in you?” he rasped out. I let out a low moan when I registered what he was asking of me. I wasn’t sure I never came twice with anyone else.

His hand traveled down to my clit and started timing his thrusts to his finger’s movement on my clit. Once again, my body started thrumming with anticipation as pleasure started building up.

He started chanting under his breath “come on baby let go.”

A pinch to my clit and a thrust that rocked my cervix and I came all over again.

He groaned when he felt my constricting walls asking for his white cum to swallow. He started doing short, shallow fast thrusts that made his balls tighten and overload with sensations before he exploded. He started moaning my name over and over again, his eyes clenched shut as colors exploded behind his lids.

I felt Tsukishima collapse besides me and I immediately sought his embrace. I cuddled into his stomach, feeling myself exhausted beyond belief.

A few hours later, both of us woke up from our short-lived nap and cuddled each other. The warmth of his body reassuring and comforting me that hopefully we hadn’t moved too fast and this wasn’t a mistake.

“Whatever you’re thinking about. Drop it.”  I sat up and looked down at his face.

Even with his hair disheveled, he was still so breathtakingly handsome.

“I’m just thinking if we went too fast. We haven’t even been on one date yet.”

He sighed and opened his eyes. His pretty eyes connected with mine.

"We've been dancing around each other for months. Besides this was a long time coming since high school.”

High school. My breath hitched, so I was right he did know that I liked him then.

“But you ignored me. I know after you found out I liked you, you started pushing me away. That’s why we stopped talking after the first year,” I said with confusion.

He rubbed his eyes with his hands and pulled me into his chest. I felt his hands pat my hair and burrow me further into his firm chest.

“I know. I was an insecure idiot. I was weirded out by you.”

I opened my mouth to refute.

“Shhhh, let me finish. I was weirded out by the fact that anyone would like me. I had really low self esteem and because I couldn’t figure out why anyone would like me, I decided that you were just a really big weirdo. Of course, after we stopped talking, I immediately regretted it and I didn’t know how to approach you again. So, I thought it would be easier to let it go. And I did until I saw you again in the coffee shop. There was just this big what if I always felt whenever I thought about you. So, I took a chance and I guess I was right to.”

I kissed the part where his heart thumped strongly.

“You were wrong I wasn’t a weirdo. I was just a girl with a crush.”  

[melancholic-pigeon]

WIP Wednesday- HIOB chapter 12

Content warning for brief references to a past suicidal episode. (The actual thing is lighthearted!)

It's suggestive, but not actually NSFW. They're just having a post-scene bath. 😘

...I'm excusing this excerpt being long because I am like five words under 6k rn. I wasn't kidding about Jason not being able to shut the fuck up.

It's strange how little sex involved. 

Mostly, they just talk, Percy curled up against Jason's chest as the jets pound into the knot that stubbornly reasserted itself almost as soon as they parted ways. They're off now, and the relative silence is odd, but calming.

Percy's exhausted too, although he doesn't seem to realize how much effort he's expending in his (largely successful) attempts to deal with Jason's exhaustion. He yawns into Jason's shoulder, vividly calling back a thousand memories.

"It was really, really hard not to tell you I loved you," Jason says quietly, after a few moments of soft splashing and conversational lull. Percy lifts his head, wet hair sticking to his jaw.

"You told me all the time. Your love language, ironically, is 'acts of service'." He smirks, inexplicably soft. "It's just that you only used the actual words once."

Of course he knows what they're talking about— this is probably just as nostalgic for him. Jason's pulse quickens, residually feeling that long-ago crushing terror. 

("You and I both know that right now you'd say almost anything to get me to—"

"Did it occur to you that I might be willing to say almost anything, including the truth? Because the truth, Percy, is that I'm being selfish, because you're my friend and I love you and I really don't want to lose you.")

"I hadn't even thought it to myself yet. It just— popped into my head and came out of my mouth. Not that I didn't know, but I hadn't faced up to how serious it had gotten."

Percy tilts his head. He looks thoughtful and tender. 

"We really are foils, huh? I faced up to it when I cried on your shoulder for the first time, I just had no fuckin' clue what I was facing up to." 

"We're counterweights, too." Jason brushes back that strand of hair, mostly as an excuse to cup Percy's cheek. "Like how I'm emotionally constipated and you wear your heart on your sleeve." 

"My mom told me that exact thing the morning after senior prom." Percy, smiling, leans into the touch. "Just the part about me. It was how she knew I was smitten. Apparently, I'd been making moony eyes at you since I got out of the hospital."

Jason's inner seventeen year old shivers with delight. They haven't even been together for six months yet, but it feels like they've been in love their whole lives. Like maybe they've been in love for several lives already.

"I admire how expressive you are. I—" 

He stops himself, grimacing slightly. Percy picks up the slack. 

"You have a lot of feelings, but every time you showed them, it got you screamed at. You learned to hold it in because you didn't have a choice, but that doesn't make you any less sensitive— it's not so much that you have a thick skin and more that you've learned to push through your pain. Which is also why you reinjure at least two things per season and insist on continuing to play until you're forcibly benched." He narrows his eyes. "Hint hint." 

Jason slides his hand around the back of Percy's neck and pulls him down again, ignoring the jab. 

"If you ever go back to school, you should seriously consider counseling as a career path."  

"I am, actually." Percy sits up and grins, a fierce, thunderous determination in it. "I want to be a licensed clinical social worker. I can add to the pool of 'em who don't totally suck, and at this point I'm something of an expert at needing therapy, so my clients and I will have that experience in common."

"That's perfect for you." Jason kisses the top of Percy's head. "You're incredibly insightful and compassionate. You always know what to say and how to say it, and it's not even on purpose— it's what's sincerely in your heart. The only people who ever doubt how much you care about them are the ones who aren't paying attention." 

Percy buries his face in Jason's neck and raspberries his upper trapezius. 

"Gee, tell me how you really feel."

They're both flushed from the steam, but Jason has a feeling they would be anyway. 

"You knew this about me, babe." 

"Shut up. Just because I like it doesn't mean I have to like it."

"I'll tone it down if you want me to," Jason tells him, smiling. He knows what the answer will be before Percy even shakes his head. 

"Nah, I'm worse. I used to, like, wistfully tell people, 'oh, Jason's the best—'" he puts on that slightly-mocking tone he uses when he's quoting himself like this— "'he's such a great dude, he's so good at calming me down, I can only fall asleep when he's holding me, I don't know what I'd do without him, also his tits are very nice, yes, I'm sure I'm straight, why do you ask?'" 

Jason snorts. "You see my point about how quickly and easily you show people your love." 

"I'm not the only one." Percy sits up a little, his hand on Jason's chest to brace himself. "You try to be stoic, but what you really are is steady. People gravitate to you when they're upset or scared because they know you'll protect them, and they end up trailing behind you like ducklings. You don't show you hurt, but you definitely show you care."

Jason runs his hand over Percy's back where the cool shower soothed away the irritation. 

"See? You always know what to say." 

[dramaticviolincrescendo]

Okay, what are your thoughts on Ian's relationships? With his family, his boyfriends, and Mandy (since I think that's the only friend he's had)

Oh, no. Ohhhhhhhh, no. Now you’ve done it. You’ve asked about my dear, darling favorite character on the show. My love for one Ian Gallagher runs deep, which means this answer is going to run super long. The good, the bad, and everything in between—Ian Gallagher lives rent free in my brain and always will. I derive so much satisfaction from seeing Ian interact with other people, in whatever capacity that might be. I admire and aspire to the compassion he has shown for others over the years, even and perhaps most especially those who arguably haven’t earned it. He tries so hard to be good to people, and seeing their love for him manifest when he’s reached such lows where he can’t even fathom why the love of his life would want to be with him forever? That’s powerful.

So, yeah. I said I could write essays on these characters, and that’s exactly what you’re about to get: five hours and 6k words’ worth of my thoughts. (I am so sorry. There will be text walls.)

Let’s dive into Ian’s many and multifaceted relationships—his family, his friends, and his romantic pursuits.

Ian and Family

Ian told us where he stood on this in the very first season, and it set the standard for his character for eleven years to come. Faced with a prospect that others in his position could only dream of—not being Frank’s son and having a wealthy father with a functional, prosperous lifestyle mere miles away—Ian refused to buy into it. He refused to do what might have been objectively better for his future by seeking a relationship with Clayton. In that household, he would have had access to a better public school, more financial resources, a tutor to help him where he was struggling, and less urgency for him to work so that he could enjoy being a kid. When he got sick, he would have had access to better healthcare, too. Perhaps he would have had a better shot at West Point from that background than he did at home. But that’s just it: home was with his family, and he was very clear that they didn’t live in that nice house. All he wanted—all he wanted—was to be with his brothers and sisters. He has never referred to them as only half-siblings or half-cousins; he has never even used the words, “you’re not my dad,” on Frank. That’s his family, the people he loves most in the world, and he’s always been at his best when he’s with them and at his worst when he’s not. Let’s look at each of them:

1.      Frank: It is so striking to me that Ian doesn’t appear to hold the outright contempt for Frank that Fiona, Lip, and Debbie have exhibited at different points over the years. Aside from the handful of instances where they’ve gotten into physical altercations (which Frank always initiated) and kicking him out of the house on occasion, Ian is simply indifferent to him. But there are these moments, these brief glimmers of mutual attachment and loyalty, if those are the right words. In the scene where Ian famously doesn’t count to three before using the pepper spray on him, Frank starts saying how his New Gallaghers weren’t his real kids—that Ian is his real son, and Frank is his real father. It’s a passing thought uttered while trying to manipulate his way into the house that neither of them think much of, nor does the audience…until you remember that biologically, Frank isn’t his father, and he certainly hasn’t behaved like one either. Ian has more right than anyone to comment on that, but he doesn’t because Frank is his father. He’s the father that Ian idly hoped wouldn’t come to his wedding yet sat joking about with Debbie rather than getting pissed off that he was making out with some lady in front of everyone. He’s the father who sat at the table with them eating breakfast in 11x03 and claimed Mickey was the man in their relationship without Ian saying a word to him about it, and who Ian saw no issue with taking Franny to school when no one else could. In s4, as far removed from his family as he’d been for a while, Ian still went straight to the hospital when he heard that Frank was at death’s door. We focus so much on his attitude towards Monica because of how obvious it was that we frequently miss these tiny moments and their implications. It would take an awful lot of patience, compassion, and love not to write Frank off completely after all he’s done. Not necessarily our standard definition of love between a son and his father, perhaps, but a loving soul.

2.      Monica: I have actually written a pretty lengthy post about his relationship with her because while their shared mental illness definitely plays a role in his feelings toward her, that grew complicated far earlier than his diagnosis. The first time we meet her, we see that he has a visceral reaction to news of her presence. He runs. When Ian can’t process strong emotions, that’s what he’s done in the past. I happened upon an interview Cameron did just after the end of s1 where he mentioned something I had already been thinking: Ian’s age when Monica left is extremely important. He was a kid in s1, but one who could roll with the punches, sometimes literally. She left them two years before that. Ian would have been in middle school, roughly as old as Debbie was when she still called Frank “daddy” and forgave him for everything he did. It’s an awkward age that once again set Ian in something of a danger zone—too old to accept an excuse or no explanation at all, but not old enough to process the situation in a healthy way. And then she’s back all of a sudden with no warning. Ian doesn’t cry like Debbie, and he doesn’t typically get explosively angry like Fiona. He can’t deal, so he runs. He hangs back. He only speaks when he has to and compartmentalizes: Monica wants to take Liam, and they need to stop her. It doesn’t have to be about her leaving. They have a goal—he can focus on that. And then she’s back a year later, saying she’s here to stay while Fiona seems to take her at her word and Lip isn’t there to ground everyone. Ian tries so hard to behave like Lip would with his biting sarcasm and attempts to stay emotionally distant in a way that seemed pretty exaggerated for Ian, but he’s also dealing with a fresh wave of guilt over Mickey going to juvie—and Monica gets it. She’s the only person to acknowledge that he’s in pain and actively try to make it better. She’s the only one who really knows at the time, but that hardly matters. This poor kid, whose mother left him when he still needed her, has her standing in front of him and saying she’s sorry and listening when he speaks and taking him dancing—just the two of them. Embarrassing as it was and harmful as it could have been, she tried to facilitate his dreams when no one else wanted him to go into the military. She was there for him when he went AWOL. She came for him when he was arrested and even wanted to make a place for him in her new life, unrealistic as it was. This goes so much deeper than them both being bipolar. Ian’s comment about her parachuting into their lives in s7 wasn’t about Mickey or her role in them breaking up. He trusted her. He wanted her. He needed her. And she’d convinced him that she would be there—until she left. Over and over again. She was there for him and unintentionally took advantage of how desperately he still needed his mother. She made him keep loving her, and that’s both a blessing that has him crying into a voluminous man’s arms when she passes and a curse that wrecked him more than once.

3.      Fiona: The trust these two have for each other cannot be understated. Fiona has discussed things with Ian that she never brought up around any of the other kids throughout the entire series. In the pilot episode, she tells him about feeling needed and takes his opinion on the matter to heart. At the end of the season, he’s the one she talks to about the car because she can trust him to give her an answer even without speaking. In s2, she tells Lip that the two of them are her rocks, and we see that time and time again. That’s part of what makes their falling out over the church hit that much harder: it’s Ian and Fiona. The only time they’d been on the outs in any serious manner up to that point was when Ian was adjusting to his new reality and they were trying to find a balance between sister and caretaker. Otherwise, that bond of trust had never been severed—not until Ian literally sold himself only for it to amount to nothing in the end because she had no idea the lengths to which he’d gone to get that building. That damage gets mended, thankfully, but what a powerful period of time when those two were the only ones who’d never really been at each other’s throats. There is a downside to that trust, though. As I mentioned before, Ian was so responsible and put together when he was younger that Fiona didn’t think twice about his situation with Ned or that he ran away. Not even seventeen yet, and she was telling Debbie that she didn’t like his decision to leave but trusted him. That is one of the things I love about this show—even something like trust that we always prop up as an important factor in our relationships can betray us in the most unexpected ways.

4.      Lip: I won’t go into it here, but the relationship they share is something that means a lot to me on a personal level. It’s part of how I knew that Ian would become my favorite character pretty early on. The way he simultaneously admires and envies Lip, loves and is annoyed by him, relies on him and is desperate to pave his own path in the world—what a beautiful and accurate depiction of what it means to be a younger sibling. Lip is the first person to discover that he’s gay and openly accept him for it. (I think what he tried with Karen came from a well-meaning place even if it was horribly, horribly misguided.) Lip is the one who tries to get him into West Point, hate it as he does. He helps Ian when Terry is after him, takes care of him in the aftermath of the wedding when he realizes just how deeply Ian feels for Mickey, searches the whole damn city for him when he finds out that Ian is in trouble, gets him a job, leans on him in his own time of need… He’s not perfect. He slips up, just like Ian does. Some things break my heart, like Lip insisting that he’s earned his own space when his little brother is asking him for safe harbor or Ian thanking him for being his brother outside the prison. But they love each other so much, and I just… I can’t possibly put into words how much I love their dynamic.

5.      Debbie, Carl, and Liam: I’m grouping these three together because they’re further separated from Ian in age, so we see a lot of the same trends with them as a whole. Ian loves taking care of people. We know this. We also know that Fiona and Lip don’t typically want him taking care of them—they’re the ones who take care of him when he needs it, specifically Lip. With the younger three, however, Ian can be the Big Brother. He can shake his head in utter bafflement at Debbie’s obsession with holding her breath for two minutes, walk Carl through what he needs to go camping, and promise his baby brother postcards when he leaves. The difference here is that his relationship with them is so much less fraught with conflict. We don’t see him fight with Debbie, Carl, or Liam the way he has with Fiona or Lip. While Ian tends to be the voice of reason during conflicts overall, I think it’s also because he relies on his older siblings in a way that he doesn’t with his younger siblings, and the latter don’t tend to rely on him as much as Fiona or Lip as well. There’s a lack of tension in most of their interactions growing up because that pressure isn’t there. Perhaps this is where Ian’s age and standing in the family is a bit more beneficial: young enough to have people he can rely on while too young for anyone to really rely on him for more than his share of the squirrel fund.

Ian and Friends

I’ve seen it mentioned that Ian (and Mickey) not having more friends is bad or lazy writing. I tend to believe that that fails to take something into account that, admittedly, most of us don’t really have to think about: having friends is a luxury. It requires time and effort to cultivate friendships, especially lasting ones. As a kid, Ian spent a lot of his free time working or helping to manage one family crisis after another. Going AWOL, losing his health, struggling to acclimate to his illness, trying to find a new career path, spiraling into the Gay Jesus movement, going to prison, adjusting once again to normal life, getting married, a pandemic… I’m sure he’s had plenty of acquaintances over the years, but having a family to support and constant upheavals would have made it extremely difficult to really forge strong relationships with them. I think that’s part of what makes his relationship with Mandy so special and valuable to him: she’s sort of the same way.

When we met Mandy in s1, she had other friends. We saw her meet up with them and go shopping; she told Ian a story about how one was mad at her for not sharing her make-up. As the trauma in the Milkovich household reached its zenith for her in s2 and she started thinking seriously about getting out of there, we saw those friends fall by the wayside—all except Ian. He saw her and let her see him early on. That’s a level of trust and respect that nobody else in their neighborhood would have displayed, certainly not to her. But then there’s this guy who defended her against their creepy, perverted teacher and treated her like a human being, not an object. It’s no wonder she developed an obvious, unrequited crush and sought physical comfort from him occasionally. It’s no wonder she tried to repay the favor by giving Mickey a hard time in s3 and s4, misguided and rather uninformed as we know it was at the time. (It’s also no wonder that she went for the closest Gallagher to Ian, either, but that’s for another meta.)

And Ian… Ian is loyal to a fault. We have watched Ian cut out his own heart and let the blood drip down his arm to pool on the floor at his feet if it would make a damn bit of difference for the people he loves. Like Fiona and Lip, Mandy immediately accepted him for who he is and suggested an arrangement that would protect him as well as benefit her. That is enormous where they came from. To him, that had to feel like the ultimate sign of friendship: he could trust her with a part of him that he hadn’t even entrusted to most of his family yet. From that point on, she was on the List of People Ian Gallagher Would Do Anything For. Finding out about Terry and what had happened? He held a bake sale, of all things, to fundraise for her. Seeing that his brother—his best friend—was treating her like garbage? He put him in his place. Her boyfriend was beating her? He brought her home and made it his goal to find a safe place for her to stay, even if it ultimately didn’t work. She was going to move away from all of her meager support with that boyfriend? He didn’t just rally his own arguments—he brought in outside help with Lip, who he thought might tip the scales. It’s usually just a saying that true friends will help each other hide a body, but Ian literally tried to do that. Lucky for him, he has a good head on his shoulders and used it.

No, Ian doesn’t seem to have a lot of friends. We’ve seen that he has spheres of influence, if you will, and acquaintances that he can call upon when he needs them. (For example, the guys that helped with the preacher.) However, Ian has always struck me as a “quality over quantity” type of person. Being a soldier or an EMT isn’t lucrative, but they’re meaningful for someone who sees them as vehicles for helping people. Seeing more parts of the world than just Chicago has appealed to him in the past, but he seems perfectly content to carve out a spot for himself right here at home. Having only three best friends—Lip, Mandy, and Mickey—doesn’t seem like much of a hardship for him.

Ian and Romantic Pursuits

I hate to say that there were five, but from Ian’s perspective, there were. So, let’s talk about all five. Even though…there weren’t five. There was only one. We’ll save the best for last.

1.      Kash: The first of Ian’s perceived romantic pursuits that really wasn’t. I hope it goes without saying that I hate this man with the passion of a thousand burning suns. I hate him so much. However, their interactions taught me a whole lot about how kind and compassionate Ian really is—and how naïve. Of course, he would believe that Kash loved him. The man was buying him all sorts of expensive gifts, and that’s what we see on all the commercials and in so many movies, isn’t it? Grand gestures of affection through expensive gifts. Poor as they were, Ian still scraped together the money to buy him baseball tickets and CDs, convinced as he was that that was all part of what you did in a relationship. That desire to do things like a “normal” married couple in s11? Yeah, that starts here. Ian has always been a planner, and he’s always bought into certain stereotypes. We can see that here. What we can also see is Ian’s compassionate, kind, loving soul. He cares so deeply for other people, even ones that he doesn’t know very well, especially if they are living in circumstances that mean something to him. (For example, the mentally ill woman they tried to help at work and the shelter kids whose situations were so similar to Mickey’s.) Kash being a closeted gay man living in misery with a wife he didn’t love and two children he never meant to have clearly tugged at Ian’s heartstrings. Even after everything that happens, even though Ian behaves as though they’re awkward exes who just happen to work together, he still covers for Kash. He gives him that head start and takes it upon himself to break the news to Linda that he’s gone. He defends Kash to Lip when the latter finally says exactly what we all know: he was a pedophile who deserved to rot in prison for what he did. As with Fiona’s trust, Ian’s loving soul, compassionate heart, and desire for love outside his siblings are virtues that have done him harm in the past. This is one such instance.

2.      Ned: The second of Ian’s perceived romantic pursuits that really wasn’t. To be honest, I don’t believe that Ian would even characterize it that way. He seemed very aware that Ned was a distraction from his problems—from Mickey being in juvie, Monica falling into a depressive episode, the money in the squirrel fund being gone, Lip moving out, losing his shot at West Point, and getting denied for service due to his age. Again, though, Ian has always wanted to feel valued, and this rich dude was letting him stay in a fancy hotel room with anything he wanted readily available. This (disgusting predator) guy was giving him attention and a distraction with no strings attached. Then the complications roll in, and he’s once again faced with being the mistress to a closeted, married man. The difference here is that he’s not comfortable with it. He tries to tell Fiona twice, which is enormous for Ian when he has never been very good at communicating if it means burdening others with or even merely facing his own problems. But he tries to tell her. He rejects the GPS unit and tells Ned that he has a boyfriend, boxing him into a strictly sexual arrangement. (This, unfortunately, makes sense. It aligns with how Fiona viewed things: where Jimmy was concerned about it, she told him that it was “just sex.”) He is also visibly embarrassed to admit to Lip and Fiona what has been going on with Ned. By that point, Ian is a year and a half older and, while still scarred and warped in his views because of Kash, perhaps a bit wiser. Emotionally, he kept Ned at arm’s length most of the time. He used Ned not just as a distraction, but as a way to galvanize Mickey into taking their relationship a step forward. But Ian is still Ian, and Ian is compassionate to a fault. Ned played that card by asking if he could have a little understanding for a man whose life was falling apart. Sure, he can. He’s Ian, the Gallagher too empathetic for his own good at times. We know how that spirals out of control. It just goes to show that even when Ian was trying to maintain some emotional distance, his heart is simply too big and his perceptions too heavily impacted by the grooming he’d experienced with two different people by then, and so he [SPOILER ALERT] still feels enough of a connection to Ned after all these years to be mildly bothered that he passed away.

3.      Caleb: The third of Ian’s perceived romantic pursuits that really wasn’t. Ian’s relationship with Caleb strikes me as being similar to what he had with Ned. While more age-appropriate, Ian was very much using Caleb, just as Caleb was using him. That’s why it was so easy for both of them to walk away. Ian was in a difficult spot when they met. He was grateful to the firefighters who saved his life, but he had also just saved someone else at a moment when he was perhaps at his absolute lowest. That’s what he’s always wanted, isn’t it—to be a bit of a hero and help people? So, he’s understandably drawn there, first out of gratitude and then to be surrounded by very attractive gay firemen who helped people, saved his life, and invited him to be part of a function they were holding. But he made himself pretty clear from the start: he was interested in sex with Caleb. That was the draw. He still hasn’t come to terms with being bipolar and losing Mickey, but Ian has never not been with anyone for any extended length of time. That’s just who he is: he’s always sought some level of outward validation—from the army, Kash, Monica, Mickey, and so many others. We’re seeing him struggle with that now as he deals with the opportunities available to him as a mentally ill ex-con felon. So, he pursues Caleb as a distraction just like he did with Ned, only Caleb is a predator in his own right and can smell that his interest is coming from a place of weakness. He immediately (and initially unintentionally) preys on Ian’s desperate need for structure and order by insisting on a traditional date where Ian is very much out of his element and even goes so far as to instruct Ian on how to be intimate. It’s no wonder he mentions Mickey in these moments, as Mickey never wanted him to change, and Ian leans heavily (even slightly hyperbolically) into the fact that Mickey wasn’t a paragon of order and stability like Caleb outwardly appears. 

And I think why Ian puts up with it so long—being taught like a child, being used to upset Caleb’s parents, being paraded in front of his friends to make them jealous—is because he was getting something out of it too, just like with Ned. A stable place to live when their home ownership was in flux, a place away from his family when they weren’t providing the support he needed as he adjusted to his disorder, someone who validated his desires to help people regardless of their ulterior motives, and a physical distraction from his own problems. All of these parallel his relationship with Ned very closely. It was never going to last, of course. Ian is a strong person who temporarily forgot how strong he was because he forgot who he was, and Caleb didn’t want to be cared for—he wanted a project, like all of his sculptures. Being a project, being something that others see as needing to be fixed? That’s a hard no for Ian. It always has been. There’s a moment I love later in their relationship where Caleb tells him to turn off the lights when he goes out and lightly reprimands him for leaving one on the day prior. Ian is in a better place at that point, having regained a lot of his sense of self, and stares after him with indignation at being treated like a kid. He’s then lied to and cheated on, but I think that to mention those things to Caleb when they break up is to admit weakness on his own part—that he stuck with Caleb knowing that he was being mistreated, and Ian is not one to be called a victim. So, while we know from his discussions with Lip and Sue that the cheating and distrust bothered him most, he merely focused on Caleb lying about his sexuality, which removed a lot of the emotion from the situation—just like he did with Ned. It ultimately turned out to be a bad move since Caleb, being a skilled predator, made him question even his own sexuality in return, but we’re starting to see that Ian isn’t here to be someone’s toy anymore. Not an older, married man like Ned, but definitely not anyone his age either. I’m glad this pseudo-relationship happened because it showed Ian how strong he really was and that he could be in control of his own life. Sure, it destabilized him a little in the aftermath, but he worked through it. He leaned on his family, specifically Lip, who has always been his rock without the blurred lines that Fiona represented between sister/mother-figure/caretaker. Caleb is a garbage person, but Ian was the one who pulled the treasure from the trash, not him.

4.      Trevor: The fourth of Ian’s perceived romantic pursuits that really wasn’t. Trevor is perhaps the first relationship where we don’t see Ian dive in. Whether that’s because of his confusion over Trevor’s gender identity or the fact that he was really beginning to fully mature as an adult by that point (ostensibly finishing his education, getting a career, being fully self-sufficient, etc.), he tried to take his time and not jump right in. They hung out, talked around the neighborhood, and yes, engaged in some casual intimacy at the club. Again, Ian might not be in a full relationship, but he’s never without someone for long. At that point in the series, all he was missing was a relationship when it comes to traditional, “normal” goals for people to have. But Trevor posed a situation he’s never been in before since, while gay himself, Ian has never been very interested in activism or engaging in the LGBT community. It’s just not in his culture or environment, so to be faced with someone he’s interested in that challenges a lot of his views of gender and sexuality is something he takes his time with. Unfortunately, Trevor is younger than him and not quite as mature, not quite as experienced. He tells Ian he has plenty of friends and doesn’t need another, which is an ultimatum that has never really sat very well with me personally because I’m generally of the mind that if a person needs time and you really care for them, you’ll let them have that time. I’m not unsympathetic to Trevor: he’s been burned before and has his own trauma stemming from responses to his identity, so it makes complete sense for him not to be patient in this regard. He shouldn’t have to be—but then, Ian shouldn’t have to rush into anything he’s not 100% certain he wants either. That’s exactly what he does, though, because Ian does for others without thinking of the implications for himself a lot of the time. They make great friends, but they don’t make great partners. Trevor treats Ian similarly to Caleb in that he’s a bit of a project. Trevor educates him on the LGBT community and incorporates him into his ventures for the shelter without ever really showing much interest in Ian’s life or family, which suits Ian just fine because for as interested as he is in helping with the shelter and as attracted to Trevor as he is, he seems to know they’re not compatible. Ian, who has been having sex since he was far too young, takes a step back from it when they run into compatibility issues. (And pushes back on the pressure to bottom with some of his own—neither of them were in the right on that.) He doesn’t ask much about Trevor’s family or try to be part of his personal life. They sort of embody the “friends with benefits” stereotype: they hang out, they have sex, and that’s really all there is to their relationship. 

The reason Ian doubles down on trying to make it work isn’t because there was a future for them before Mickey broke out. It’s because he thinks he’s lost Mickey forever, he knows he’s lost Monica forever, and he’s not going to get the support he needs from his family when they couldn’t stand Monica and Fiona told him what he already knew to be true, namely that Mickey being an escaped convict would destroy everything Ian worked so hard for if he got involved. So, he does what Ian does. He needs that distraction—he needs to run from these strong emotions he can’t process, so he bottles them up and unfairly hopes that Trevor will provide some of that comfort after cheating on him with Mickey. (Had Mickey been released, I think they would have broken up. Instead, that was the first match Ian lit, but certainly not the last.) Now, the thing is, Trevor said at the start that he didn’t want to be Ian’s friend. He’s also younger and less mature in a relationship, which means he threw the concept of love out there prematurely, just like Ian thought what he had with Kash was love. The death throes of their relationship were a back and forth where Ian was spiraling and seeking comfort, and Trevor was providing some while keeping their relationship pretty amorphous. (Were they exes? Were they friends? Were they people who shared interests and danced around each other? Were they going to get back together? They never officially broke up—it fizzled and resurged, then fizzled for good.) Ultimately, whatever it was that they had couldn’t survive Mickey, Monica, or Gay Jesus. Trevor wasn’t prepared to deal with a full-blown manic episode, and based on his hands-off approach with involving himself in Ian’s life even before the Mickey-shaped bomb got dropped on them, it doesn’t seem like he really wanted to anyway. He did what he’s always done: prioritized his shelter, which I’m not deriding in the slightest. By that point, Ian was too far gone to care that he disappeared anyway. Had the situation been different and he was getting the support from his family that he needed, it doesn’t seem like he would have cared much there either.

5.      Mickey: Finally. Only took over five thousand words to get here. I’ll preface this with something that anyone who knows me from other fandoms is already well aware of, namely that I don’t do romance. Ever. Never been interested. The relationships I’ve always been most passionately interested in are platonic ones, especially “found families” and siblings, which is probably obvious from the other five thousand words here. Ian and Mickey are the first relationship I’ve actively shipped or written for in a fandom. They’re the first I’ve been invested in to this extent. As such, one of the biggest pet peeves I had when I first joined this fandom was the saying, “Ian fell first, Mickey fell harder.” These two wonderful dumbasses face planted on the concrete in front of the Kash and Grab in s1 and never recovered. I could go on forever about these two, but that particular wall of text would probably be too daunting for even the most avid Gallavich stan to traverse, so I’ll keep it fairly brief. As we can see above, Ian has a very strict sense of what he “should” want in a partner. Someone who is moderately successful in their chosen field, makes enough money to at least live comfortably, and typically does something that helps other people (a doctor, a fireman, a youth counselor). These aren’t passionate people. They’re not men who operate on instinct the way most of the people in his life have always had to by virtue of their social standing. They have life goals and opportunities that he envies, and Ian has a great deal of compassion for them when they hit a roadblock or things don’t work out. The amazing dichotomy of Ian Gallagher is that he straddles a line most people can’t between the rough neighborhood that has instilled in him all of his values/behaviors and the middle-class mentality of pulling yourself up by your bootstraps and aspiring to more. Ian has always aimed for what Lip said wasn’t possible for poor people: being successful without having to scam or steal. But as I said way back at the beginning of this manifesto, the South Side is his home. His family is his family. And none of the people he’s been with personify the South Side quite like Mickey—they don’t personify home like Mickey. 

And I think that’s where the initial draw for Ian is. (I’m going to focus on Ian’s side since he’s who your question focused on.) The other guys look great on paper, and Ian’s brain says that that’s what he should aim for. We know better, though. We know that Ian has an enormous heart that belongs first and foremost to his family and their home. His heart says that this person—this dirty, rude, mean, violent person—is home. His heart says this person is everything about himself that he denies having, just like Ian was everything about Mickey that the latter declined to openly acknowledge for so long. I don’t like relationships built on “making each other better.” I really don’t. The wonderful thing about this is that it’s never been that way. Ian didn’t change Mickey. He’s exactly who he’s always been, but he’s grown past the fear of his own emotions and Terry’s response to them. He’s still a thief, a con artist, violent, and rude. Mickey didn’t change Ian either. He’s still rigidly conforming to certain stereotypes of what he thinks he should want, seeking structure (to his own detriment at times), and not a great communicator. The point for them is that they complement each other, not that they make the other a better person—not even that they bring something out of each other that wasn’t already there. That’s what Ian’s other relationships did. They made him shave off his edges so that he could fit a square peg into a round hole, and that’s not happiness. It’s simply what he thought he was supposed to do—what “normal” people did. 

With Mickey, he doesn’t have to worry so much about what is normal or acceptable. He doesn’t have to worry about whether or not his life is objectively “on track,” not until fairly recently. Mickey is the only person he’s ever been with who has accepted him for who he is, faults and strengths alike, without the underlying insinuation that he should be aiming for something else or pretending to be whatever the other person needs him to be in order to care for them. Kash needed an escape—Ian provided it. Ned needed a very specific brand of toy—Ian played that role. Caleb needed a project to feel fulfilled—Ian went along with it for a bit. Trevor needed someone who accepted him as he was but did things his way—Ian did that. To care for Mickey has only ever meant being himself because all Mickey ever really needed was him. Mickey didn’t need an escape from his home—his relationship with his family is more complicated than that. Mickey didn’t need to be saved from his upbringing—it’s what made him the person Ian fell in love with and who he is happy to be. Mickey didn’t need someone to change who he is on a fundamental level because unless it is going to get him into trouble and separate them, Ian never wanted him to. (Even then, it’s about what he does, not who he is.) And yes, I’m sure that there’s a level of excitement that Ian finds exhilarating where Mickey is concerned, but I tend to believe it goes a lot deeper than that. What he finds exciting about Mickey is what Mickey embodies about the South Side—about home. About his own upbringing, but also Ian’s. About Frank and Monica, his siblings, school, work, ROTC—existing and surviving in an environment where it’s not guaranteed that you’ll have money to keep the heat on this winter or feed your family. They spent the early seasons living in a constant state of fight or flight. They couldn’t afford not to. And there’s excitement in that. Look at how many people say that the first seasons are their favorite! There hasn’t been a huge shift in the quality or direction of the writing, just the trajectory of the characters. They’ve gotten older, and their problems have been different. It’s not about survival so much of the time anymore, but those are the storylines that excite us. For Ian, that exhilaration in the constant battle of survival in their neighborhood is sewn into the fiber of his being just like it is Mickey’s. He saw his home in Mickey before they truly fell in love, and when that followed, Mickey became home.

In Conclusion

Ian has spent his entire life looking for the “right” path only to realize that it was laid before him: his family, his small circle of friends, and Mickey. I love that that is coming full circle this season, where [SPOILER ALERT] marriage has almost made him regress a bit to that place where there must be a right way of doing things going forward, and slowly but surely, we’re seeing him loosen up.

Good morning. It’s Ian Gallagher loving hours.