#66 tag

[nightmare-foundation]

I keep seeing and impulsively checking the blog of an old fairly toxic friend of mine n I just.

Man. Why do YOU have to be doing well. Why am I the only one who looks back and ends up feeling awful.

Not that I want him to suffer. It's better he doesn't. But like,, I'm always the one on the chopping block between the two of us. It's been 4 YEARS and one month since we've completely ceased contact. Yet my dumb ass STILL can't not think abt him at random

Like,, I'm sure I wasn't completely innocent. I was a really weird 13 year old who never had a genuine friend before, not to mention my mental illness and trauma I had yet to uncover. Yet the only person who never communicated nor seemed to care about our friendship was him. I could be pushy at times, yeah, but I always backed down if told no and whatnot.

Not only that, but I'm still annoyed that he straight up LIED about me and what I was like. One of his (ADULT) friends had contacted me in late 2018, claiming I was, and I quote, "manipulative, misgendered him, and used him as an emotional dump truck". I was 13 years old, and my only friend besides one other person had blocked me for no reason.

Literally for that WHOLE month, I was terrified. I had panic attacks and was anxious as hell. And I'll admit I was a little dependent on him, but I was still fucked from that experience.

Once we started talking again and boundaries set up. He SORT of apologized, but always insisted he was an awful friend, so I ended up having to comfort him instead. I always made excuses and everything for him, convinced that I was awful. And literally like,, there was no effort put in from his side after that. Aaaand then April 2019, I was suddenly messaged and blocked, and that was the last time we talked.

I was hurt obv but like. After that. I kept on being targeted by his adult friends (we were both 14, the friends were at LEAST 23+). Deadass I still don't know what the hell was said abt me but I KNOW it wasn't good. Bc before I knew it I had someone call me a pathetic bitch while I was having a panic attack over feeling guilty for shit I didn't do, then I was banned from like 3 system servers for "interacting inappropriately with a minor". Cue me literally being 14 at the time, a csa survivor, with no evidence even when I asked repeatedly for it, with literally no access to anyone younger than me bc of discords TOS.

The stress from that LITERALLY made us split several times and caused us to switch hosts. Sammy, the alter who was host at the time, is likely STILL dormant. All of that happened in practically the same year.

I'm still fucking baffled by it, angry, and hurt. It's been 4 damn years and I'm 90% sure he doesn't even remember us now.

Like,, christ I still can't interact with the undertale fandom for long bc it makes me remember him. I can't even look at art styles resembling his bc it makes me sick! I am TERRIFIED of venting bc I'm scared someone will lash out at me or accuse me of dumping all of my trauma on them. I'm scared I'm doing something wrong without knowing it and that tomorrow I'll wake up to having no friends bc they all blocked me.

Hell, I have issues trusting people who use the same name as him! I avoid a whole GROUP of people because I'm terrified they'll recognize me and start drama with false claims. Anyone who may have been so much as NEAR him I can't completely interact with besides a couple reblogs here and there.

And like,, I'm sure he's doing completely fine. That he's entirely unaware of the damage he caused. And, yeah, good for him, he's not suffering like I am. But also,, I'm painfully envious. I wish I was left pain free.

It's so stupid. It was 4 years ago. I really need to get over it.

[americaisdead]

tucumcari, n. mex. april 2021

© tag christof

[melancholygirl111]

[stoat-party]

ECHO’S HAVING A PRETTY GOOD DAY

[daily-odile]

mayhaps a long hair odile? :3

yeah always

[loopyarts]

Happy Germa 66 day 6/6

#ジェルマの日

June 6 is Germa Day in the Japanese fandom and I thought it would be fun to join in on the event.

[archfey-edda]

Midnight chat.

Thank @birdwithavendetta for cheering on my evil ideas.

[summershouto]

The Hc that Sanji has a small 3 tattoo from Germa BUT he wasn't even aware of it

all of the Vinsmoke kids were tattooed according to their corresponding numbers at a very young age. Young enough that there’s no memory of actually getting the tattoo

Sanji's is very small and the ink was his Germa assigned color yellow, which makes it blend in with his skin a bit. The numbers were printed small and thin to remain inconspicuous. After all, the kids all have noticeable differences, so the tattoos were more of a formality, an insurance, rather than a functioning identifier. essentially the numbers can go unnoticed without careful inspection— and there would be no reason for the kids to analyze their own backs

luffy is the first person to comment on it. he has a knack for catching small details, especially when it pertains to his crew. Maybe he spots it when Sanji is changing or it catches his eye after a shirtless sanji rescues him from the water. Either way, Luffy curiously asks about the mark on Sanjis back. Sanji has no idea what he’s referring to so he dismisses it as another weird Luffy comment and Luffy moves on to something else catching his interest

Chopper is the one who actually tells Sanji about it. After he performs surgery on sanjis back, he informs him that his tattoo was not damaged in any way from his injury or operation. This time Sanji freezes. He has questions- after all Chopper is a medical professional and has no reason to make up stories or ask random meaningless questions. Chopper uses a mirror to show sanji exactly where the tattoo is placed on his back and Sanji goes silent once he realizes what it is and where it must have come from

Chopper is curious about how Sanji ended up with a tattoo he has no memory of, but Sanji waves him off with a lie about getting drunk and entering a tattoo parlor. Chopper respects Doctor-Patient confidentiality of course, so he never brings up the mysterious tattoo again.

Sanji goes to great lengths to keep anyone else from seeing the tattoo. In the bunk room he changes with his back to the wall and in the bath he sinks deeper into the water. No one will ever see his exposed back again.

When he’s alone, Sanji looks at very little else. He quickly learns the best way to position himself to study his reflection. He stares long enough to memorize his own back. He learns he has a few freckles dotted along his spine, his shoulder blades stick out slightly more than average, and of course he knows just how striking the color yellow can be. His eyes are drawn to the mark like a magnet and at times he can practically feel it burning into his skin

He hates it. It’s a direct link to his past- the one he was told to never speak of. It’s like Germa is mocking him… yet he also feels conflicted by it. He rejects Germa, but he can’t help but wonder what his younger self would have thought about being forever marked as one of them. He wonders if it would have made accepting his banishment harder. He wonders if Judge even remembers that the tattoo was given to him.

In the end he manages to push it aside like he does with all of his other Germa memories. Even if it disturbs and sickens him whenever he remembers what is printed on his back, he moves forward.

Until Whole Cake of course. It’s a cruel reminder that Sanji had never actually been free; that he’d been branded as theirs since birth and his years after escaping their clutches was only borrowed time.

(Until Luffy reminds him that freedom is something he will always ensure for his friends. He reminds him that Sanji has never been one of them.)

Back on Whole Cake when Sanji sees Reiju again he asks her about the tattoos; if she knew of their existence. He doesn’t know why he’s surprised when she stares at him blankly and says she always knew.

[varpusvaras]

The Millennium Falcon was, perhaps, a fast ship for its type, but it was not smooth flying in the slightest.

Things had definitely been thrown around during the fight, but still, Leia had kept herself pressed against one of the windows, and she was staring right at the planet on the other side of it. The Death Star still loomed over it, like a mechanical moon, which was definitely a nerve-wracking sight. Luke couldn't fault her for looking afraid.

Still, he believed that Obi-Wan and Rex were going to succeed. He had to. There were no other options.

"Move, kid." Han pushed past him to the consols. "We need to make the jump before they send out more of them after us."

"There are already more coming", Cody said. He looked nervous too. Well, maybe not nervous, but tense. Luke could understand that, too. It was his partner and his brother that had stayed behind on the Death Star, after all. "We need to go."

"Already on it", Han grunted. He was typing on his consol even faster, decidedly not looking at the approaching swarm of TIE-fighters. "Okay, everybody hold onto something!"

Leia didn't move to hold onto anything. She was still standing at the window, staring at Alderaan. It looked almost like she was trying to see something, but Luke didn't know what. They were too far away to see anything on the surface, anyway.

She must've been just worried in general. It was her home, after all.

"Hey." Luke grabbed her arm. "It's going to be okay, the message said that your parents have already been evacuated. The Viceroy and the Queen are both on the way to the Rebel base-"

She whipped around to look at him.

"The Queen and the Viceroy?" She repeated. She looked more worried now.

"Yes", Luke said. "Commander Organa said that-"

"Where is he?" Leia interrupted him. Her voice had risen a whole lot. The ship shook beneath them as the hyperdrives begun to start up. "Commander Organa, where is he?"

"He said he was on Alderaan-" Luke started, attempting to explain the whole thing since he hadn't had the time earlier, but Leia wasn't listening to him anymore. She had turned around and was lurching towards Han.

"Stop the jump!" Luke had not heard her sounding so panicked before, not even when they had been inside the Death Star, surrounded by Stormtroopers. "Stop it!"

She reached for the consols, but Cody jumped forward as well before she got too close, and wrapped his arms around her and pulled her away.

"Leia, calm down-" Leia struggled in his grasp, glawing at his arms, her eyes wide.

"No!" She tried to push him off of her. "We can't leave him there!"

"We have to-"

"No!" Leia didn't look like she was even listening to anything that Cody was saying. "No! Stop it! Stop it, he's your brother, you cannot leave him there!"

Cody went still.

"What?" He asked, sounding somehow even more confused than what Luke felt. "What did you-"

The ship lurched forward in the way that Luke felt all the way at the bottom of his stomach, and the stars outside the cockpit started to blurr.

"No!" Leia almost managed to push Cody's arms away. "Buir-"

They jumped into hyperspace, Alderaan and the Death Star disappearing from their view all at once.

[yardikins]

They’re so father-daughter coded

[chyarui]

Hey guys, will be taking a bit of a technology hiatus soon, but I hope these clone studies make up for it (i know how much you guys love these boys, i am weak for them too, i’m only human after all)

These were the final designs I ended up on while trying to flesh out my own design for the clones, but if anyone’s interested in my other ones just let me know! (i will say there is a reason i trashed them-)

[xeaiheai]

Tax evasion.

[americaisdead]

ding how restaurant. amarillo, tex. august 2024

© tag christof

[melancholygirl111]

[catboydogma]

far/further

Fox arrived late because the caf machine in the Guard HQ was broken. The caf machine was broken because some enterprising, thick-skulled individual had been suplexed directly through the rickety table in the officers’ mess. Someone blessed with a head hard enough to compete with Prime’s had been suplexed through the table because Thire was having a day in which physical violence was the answer to all his various and myriad issues.

Commander Fox of the Coruscant Guard was beginning to think that Commander Thire’s was the correct approach to living.

“Fox,” Noon-Chi said, voice even and quiet.

“Noon,” Fox grunted out, stiffly dropping onto the seating provided at the edge of a long, low table. He had to have sunk a good five inches into the squishy, overstuffed cushions, feeling for all the world like he was being swallowed by a marshmallow.

They had come to an agreement, of sorts. Master Hyeon would call Fox “Fox” instead of “Commander” and Fox would call his Senate-mandated Jedi Healer “Noon” instead of “Jedi Master Hyeon” and all parties were satisfied with appearing to be at ease with each other. Thus, Fox would no longer be pestered by Commander Cody et. al., and Noon-Chi could make placidly smug faces at his fellow Jedi Masters.

This did, however, come at the cost of Noon no longer stiffening like a guilty shiny whenever Fox used his Commander “lecturing Hound for bringing sopping wet massiff puppies into the mess and ‘accidentally’ releasing them” voice.

Whoever Master Hyeon had been before he’d come to the Jedi Temple, Fox knew, it was someone who had been in one of the lowest echelons of a military chain of command. Some things were wound into muscle and bone from birth—or in Fox’s case, decanting. 

“You look awful,” Noon told him, still in that calm, even tone. Fox hadn’t yet managed to pry out of him where the fuck he was from—he was getting close, though, he could feel it—but Noon tended towards a heavy accent, one with rolling R’s and abbreviated vowels.

Fox grunted in reply.

“I’ll make tea.” Noon got up, sighing with the motion, and went for the little kitchenette attached to his quarters.

Tea seemed to fix everything for some Jedi. Noon was not one such Jedi, but he had a crusade out for finding a tea that wouldn’t make Fox delicately pretend to retch into his cup. Fox aimlessly traced patterns into the low tabletop as he listened to Noon puttering around in the kitchen, his particular and strange gait almost familiar by now. When he’d first met with Noon, he’d expected to be ushered into an office—like the one that General Windu worked out of, or one of the “therapist” offices that sometimes populated the holodramas a few of Fox’s troopers liked to watch.

read more on ao3

[fae-of-prey]

me n rafe actually