#60 fucking people when i can't even be in the same house with my family where i know everybody

[watercolor-hearts]

.

[caxycreations]

I hate to do this but

I need help. I need

so much fucking help.

There are a few major things I need.

TL;DR at the bottom, but I'd appreciate you read this to fully understand the situation I'm in.

I need to reacclimate to driving vehicles, so I can get from place to place on my own, but to do that I need help from someone willing to ride with me and help me feel calm in adjusting to being behind the wheel again.

I need to find work, consistent work, that pays at a regular rate, which isn't overwhelmingly fast-paced. Night shift, anywhere, or work from home, or even day shift at a place that isn't rapid-fire energetic work.

I need to save up, be able to put money back so I have enough for emergencies like car wrecks or hospital trips or some such, and so I have enough to save a nest egg to live off of eventually.

As it stands, my only two options for who can help me with driving outright refuse to do so. They won't give me the opportunity to get behind the wheel, and when asked why, it's because they just don't want to take the time for it. These are the same people who simply "didn't want to take the time" to help me reach a dentist before my health insurance ran out. The same people who demand I help them at every turn and lecture me on selfishness when I tell them I don't feel well enough to do it.

I can't find work. The only work from home jobs here call for certifications, licenses, neither of which i have, or they call for several hours of uninterrupted focus, which I can't get here because if anything as drastic as the dog sneezing happens, I'm the one ordered to deal with it. I don't have one uninterrupted hour, let alone enough for a full shift of work. As for out-of-home work, the only places within safe walking distance are the post office (which I failed the assessment for and can't retake for a year) or the cotton gin (which isn't hiring for any positions I qualify for). So with no options in town, I have to drive (see problem 1) to find work. Which I can't do. So I can't find work outside of my streaming and avatar comms, the former of which earns roughly $20-$25 a month, and doesn't pay until earnings hit $50...Basically, I'm earning $60-$70 every 2 months. I can't live off that.

And that leads to the saving issue. I make a max of $70 every 2 months, and a friend sends me $50 every 2 weeks to help me, which totals to $100 one month and $170 every other month if I earn the absolute maximum from my streams. The $100 of the first month goes to groceries, every time. It has to. The second $100 goes to groceries of that month, $50 goes to my phone bill because I have to have service for family emergencies, and the last $20 winds up going either to more groceries or to what miniscule enrichments I can get for myself to keep from going insane here. Which means I wind up with a profit of anywhere from $0-$20 every 2 months, depending on whether that 20 actually gets spent or not. And of course, if it isn't one month, it's spent the next for groceries. I have next to no profit, no savings.

Living here is poisoning me. I live in a sunroom. Not a bedroom, not "part of the house", not an apartment or studio. A sunroom. A singular room that contains every single thing I own, a mattress on the floor, and for the record, as a sunroom, it leads directly outside. Want to see my door?

That is the door between my room and the outside world. That, and a single glass door secured by a very small, very rusted door latch on one side, is my only protection from the elements and any potential intruders. The door, as you can see, isn't even fitted to the frame. It's held in place by gravity and a single nail.

And yes, that is the breaker box behind it, entirely uncovered and with exposed wiring. Should I make it worse?

That door, held up only by gravity and a single nail, were it to fall, would fall directly onto my bed. Why is my pillow at the closest end? Well because I can't sleep with my head at the other end because my totes with all of my stuff are at the other end, and the mice like running on top of those totes and I would rather not sleep head-closest to the end they play at. That big TV? Busted, belongs to my mom's husband, and they have nowhere else to put it. That monitor beside it? Busted, because my brother broke it trying to stand on his computer chair and rather than throw it out, they had him put it in here with "the other screen".

The clutter on my bed? A hot glue gun kit a friend bought me which has literally nowhere else to be.

TL;DR and conclusions

I can't take the steps to better myself alone. I need as much help as I can get. And given my major problems right now revolve around a lack of jobs/opportunities, inability to drive alone + nobody willing to ride with me, and inability to save up because of expenses, I can really only look at the things I can reach out for help on.

I've reached out to some friends to help me look for options regarding new living arrangements, but those arrangements mean nothing if I can't afford to go, or worse, can't afford to stay.

I've got to save up. I've got to have enough to put back. So that leads me to the ending note here.

If you can spare even one dollar, ANY amount of money, at all, it would help immensely. If you can't, then please reblog, spread the word and help me reach more people so I might finally get out of this place. Every cent given this way is going straight into a savings account, not to be spent until absolutely needed, or until an opportunity to get out of here surfaces.

You can help me through paypal or cashapp, either one. Cashtag is $Aazoth, Paypal fundraiser linked below. Don't stress over the amount, I only set it to the maximum because I need as much as I can get and I wasn't sure what to expect so...better safe than sorry, given idk how the fundraisers on there work. I'd have set it to end later but I can't. I'll update y'all with a new one when this one ends.

@sparrowcraft @moremysteriesthantragedies @thetruearchmagos @a-scaly-troublemaker @that-one-enby-onyx @snakelovingnerd @eldritchx @leisoree @amerylise @profoundlyhauntedclaws @thefinalgoat @leisurelywingedlemon

[unhonestlymirror]

Today's menu is: a vatņik soup

What an interesting three-of-a-kind. Let's look at it closer:

The first photo: a russian artist with an interesting nickname. If you transcribe it on russian Cyrillic and then go back to English, it turns out to be "moscow police." Let me remind you that moscow police is not only participating in killing, raping and torturing Ukrainians, Belaruthians, Qazaqs, Crimean Tatars, and other people who are not "Great Arian Russian", but are also the same people who kill and torture average russians, whom Americans care so much for, as well. Just like in the teract in Krokus City Hall. The moscow police is the organisation that works directly for putin and kremlin. It's like being a German artist during WW2 and having a nickname Schutzstaffel. Although I doubt people in hetalia even know what this word means because they are not interested in studying history, after all.

The more I am here, the more I believe such a kind of artist is just paid by russia to draw this bullshit. And people who share this - yeah, it's about 50-100 of them, but they are all the same faces, every time. Seems like there's an organised community that brings confusion to other people and spreads disgraceful and dangerous ideas about my long-suffering people and land. That's a thing I wish Tumblr staff paid closer attention to. I would not be surprised if the artists who promote russia here actually work for KGB (officially FSB, but it's just the renamed CSS).

"The house which Ivan built" - impressive, very nice. Now, let's see the news from my country:

"Kharkiv, April 4th, a young firefighter cries at the scene of the attack, where russians cynically killed his father, a 52-year-old rescuer, a few minutes ago. On this hellish night, immediately after the first explosions, the father and son and their colleagues immediately left for the place of impact.

Vladyslav and Volodymyr worked next to each other, literally a few houses away from each other. When a powerful explosion rang out, the son immediately understood that it had most likely flown to where his father was."

And these are the remains of a missile. In russian Cyrillic, it is written "for Krokus City Hall". A teract there was organised by.... moscow police! And some ISIS and Hamas representatives, whom moscow police carefully helped to leave the crime scene.

Second art - also russian artist (who could have thought!). They call Belarus (and, apparently, Ukraine... or maybe even all former soviet union states) "Russia's family". Belarus is holding a book "1000 and 1 reason to love the brother". Laughing out loud. Belarus never was russia's sibling, and moreover, it never loved russia. Belarus hates russia more than Lithuanians and Ukrainians hate it altogether. They just can't say it outloud. Yet.

You know? Such kind of art makes Belaruthians feel unsafe. That's why there are so many russians drawing our land and claiming we are their siblings who love them. Belaruthians just avoid anything that makes them feel unsafe. Too many Belaruthians were killed already. Belaruthians and their families are being persecuted all over the world for speaking Belaruthian language, for wearing white-red-white stuff, for making art in Belaruthian language. We feel in danger - and this website, especially this fandom with the tag of our own fucking country, doesn't help us feel safer.

Russians murdered about 60%, if not more, of all the people of Belarus, including Litvaks, especially Litvaks, just during the soviet union. Nowadays, russia doesn't want Belarus to exist either - thus, the russian artists like the fairytale about Belarus loving and wanting to unite with russia.

One day, prorussian propaganda will be condemned the same way we condemn nazis. One day, this becomes true.

Third art - the artist is... no, not russian. Chinese! What a poor dude, I feel nothing but pity, really. "Ivan is terrified" - good! :D Finally, some nice fucking art. /sarcasm. This dude is doing a great job in presenting their country as a country of uneducated idiots. The tendency is concerning.

I wish all the prorussian artists in hetalia "to taste their own medicine". To have nightmares for years. To be scared for your loved ones every single day. To lose hair, weight, and teeth. To not feel safe ANYWHERE. To see your close ones falling into depression and be able to do nothing about it. To lose your home. Your pets. Your plants. Your plans. Your friends. Especially I want this for Hidekaz Himaruya.

[the-blue-fairie]

For the Fictional character ask: the icons themselves Mickey and Minnie Mouse!

Since I already answered an ask about Mickey, this one will be exclusively about Minnie.

Favorite thing about them: I love, in the House of Mouse, how she's a lynchpin in keeping the House of Mouse afloat and does so much to hold it together, from keeping the projector in order to organizing cartoons, etc.

I also love it in shorts etc. when she's allowed to get hopping mad. A righteously frustrated Minnie is a wonderful Minnie, just like a happy and contented Minnie is also wonderful. :)

Least favorite thing about them: How she can be dismissed by a certain subset of the general public as "the generic female character." Which isn't an issue I have with her, it's with how (some) people see her, but there you go.

Three things i have in common with them:

I can be very gentle and demure. At the same time, if I get exasperated enough, I can make people know it.

Sometimes I worry I am not appreciated by my family group in the way I want to be.

I have a sentimental, romantic side.

Three things i don’t have in common with them:

I am not a mouse.

I am less sociable than she can be, at least when talking with others in person. I tend to be very introverted and reserved.

Regarding House of Mouse, I'm not as adept or as businesslike an organizer, although I always do try to be supportive of my friends.

Favorite line: Perhaps her exchange with Mickey at the end of the Gift of the Magi segment of Once Upon a Christmas. It's a lovely segment, and it's stayed with me even though I think I only saw the movie twice when I was little - once in school possibly, and once when we checked the VHS out from the library. It's just simple classic Gift of the Magi poignancy, I know, but there's just something beautiful and archetypal about it being Minnie and Mickey.

brOTP: her and Daisy

OTP: her and Mickey :)

nOTP: This fucking rat. Mortimer, I don't like you lol.

Random Headcanon: I'd like to synthesize all the different shorts/films where Mickey and friends re-enact literature or plays (Christmas Carol, Three Musketeers, Midsummer Night's Dream) and say that Mickey and Minnie don't just have to be separate iterations of themselves if it's cute to imagine them happily play-acting these parts with love and warmth for each other in their hearts. And it is cute to imagine.

Unpopular Opinion: I'm not sure if I have one?

Song i associate with them: This is going to be an odd one, but the temperance song "Come Home, Father" by Henry Clay Work from the 1850s/60s.

You see, the 1941 Mickey and Minnie short "The Nifty Nineties" was at the end of the VHS copy of Pollyanna that my family owned, and it includes a sequence of Minnie crying over the song, so since then, I've associated this song with... Minnie Mouse.

Favorite picture of them:

This moment from the Gift of the Magi segment of Once Upon a Christmas that I've gushed about already. Unlike with Mickey, I was able to find the exact moment from the scene I was looking for in screencap form.

I also want to give a shoutout to the pictures/stickers of Minnie in an old CD-ROM game, Disney Magic Artist Studio. I meant to bring up the game's depictions of Mickey last night as well, but in my haste I forgot.

See, you could put the "stickers" in various backdrops and then print out the image - or animate the stickers as well. I can't find the most iconic depictions of Minnie that I remember (I'm taking the above screencap from a Youtube vid), but suffice to say there were lots of cool variations - like Minnie dressed like she was on Mount Olympus, in the jungle, as an astronaut...

I DID find a picture I made with the game saved on an old computer a few years back, though, so let me share it. Enjoy astronaut Minnie!

[firelord-frowny]

dumb

i finallyyyyyyyyyyyyyy went to the national aquarium yesterday omg and had a grand old tiiiiiime and took a ton of pics and videos and i thoroughly enjoyed myself and will elaborate on the enjoyment in the near future!

but first i need to whine about an annoyingly unhappy thing that was hanging in the back of my mind for a lot of the time.

i went with both of my parents, which was fine, bc thats who i wanted to go with.

but i really would have fucking preferred to do it sometime around the FIRST time i asked to go, which was when I was ohhhh, i dunno, A CHILD??? When I was 10, 11, 12, and still aspiring to have a career in zoology. And there was never ever ever a reason why we couldn't go, other than that my parents ~didn't feel like finding parking.~ i can't even tell you all the shit my family has never done together SOLELY because ~it's hard to find parking.~ everyfuckingbody else on earth can find parking! everyfuckingbody else on earth can deal with a lil inconvenience if it means getting to do something fun/memorable or giving someone they love something special. but not my lame ass family!

so, here i am now, a whole 29 years old, FINALLY having a nice day at the damn aquarium with my parents.

and i'm looking around at all these tiny children having the time of their lives with their parents and i couldn't help but feel jealous. :/ I wanted to be a 10 year old running around and demanding that my parents pick me up so I can get a better view of what's swimming near the top of a tall tank. I wanted to nyoom through the gift shop and try out all the different toys and flip through the children's books, blah blah.

anyway, we get to the part of the aquarium that has the touch pools where you get to just fuckin pet stingrays and shit! and i was so excited bc there are so many sea creatures ive always wanted to touch! i touched a horsehoe crab and a jellyfish! IVE ALWAYS WANTED TO PET A JELLYFISH!!! And I was thrilled about it!

but neither of my parents would pet anything!

which i mean, obviously that's their right, and they dont have to touch anything they dont wanna touch, but it just made me feel super isolated and outcast and reemphasized just how utterly alone i've always felt within my own family. literally NOBODY that im related to delights in any of the same things I delight in, and it fucking sucks.

which i mean, duh, that's what ~friendships~ and ~peer groups~ are for, but i feel like most people have at least a LITTLE BIT in common with their families. songs they can listen to together and equally enjoy. places they're equally excited to go to. activities everyone looks forward to with genuine eagerness.

i have none of that and i really really really wish that wasn't the case.

also? a lottttttt of the staff who stand by the exhibits and share ~fun facts~ about various animals/plants/etc were high school volunteers. that's so fucking neat!

and in the back of my mind i was so hyperaware that if i had known about such a volunteer opportunity when i was in high school, there is 0 chance that my parents would have been willing to drive me up to baltimore a few days a week. even if it meant having something fantastic to add to my college applications. even if it meant getting valuable exposure in a career field i was interested in at the time.

i mean, ok, baltimore is about 45-60 minutes from here, which IS a bit of a drive, i know.

but where the fuck else around here would there have been an opportunity to immerse myself in something that was so perfectly aligned with my deepest passions and desires? where, within a 10 or 15 minute drive of my home, would i have been able to stand next to a death adder's terrarium and tell guests all about their extremely potent neurotoxic venom or that even though they're morphologically very similar to vipers, they're actually elapids like cobras and mambas?

nowhere! nowhere!

maybe i could have volunteered down at the rinky dink lil nature center near my house and told 2 people per day that the snake in the tank that's clearly labeled as a corn snake in bigass letters is a corn snake.

just, my enrichment and my exposure to the thing i loved most in the world wouldn't have been worth a few hours of my parents time on weekends and that makes me really kinda fucking sad because now im an entire real life grown adult with 0 of the connections or confidence or skills that i'd need to start living a life that actually incorporates my favorite things on a regular and sustainable basis, and now it's MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY PROBLEM to try to fill in all the gaps that my parents were content to leave wide open just because they didnt fucking feel like nurturing the person i truly was.

honest to god, i cant look at a place like the national aquarium or the national zoo or any place like that, and feel like i deserve to even volunteer there. i dont feel like i deserve to even sweep the fucking floor. i'm watching the custodial staff mopping down the floor in the dolphin viewing area and all i can think about is how much i don't deserve to even do that. (which, obviously, isn't to say that being a custodian isn't an Important Job that requires its own skillset, but it's not a skillset that you need 4 years of overpriced education to excel at).

bc my dumb brain can't stop thinking: if my own damn parents didn't think i was important enough to expose me to things i was interested in even, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY would literaally anybody else think i'm worthy of anything at all?? if i'm not important enough to be driven to an amazing volunteer opportunity as a kid, why would that same place think i'm important enough to let me volunteer there even if i did have a ride???? when there are soooooooooo many other kids who ARE important enough for their parents to go out of their way to help them reach their goals?

___________________

AND YOU KNOW WHAT????

my parents did spend significantly more money than most parents spend on their kids for my violin stuff. my violin is Pretty Dang Expensive. they paid out the ass for me to go to tanglewood one summer. they drove me once a week to my violin lessons, which took up a couple hours of their time. i'm appreciative.

but i'm ALSO keenly aware that i literally didn't ask for any of it.

the only thing i DID ask for was to just play the violin in general. but i specifically remember being an orchestra major in middle school and asking my parents if i could take private lessons outside of school, and they unceremoniously told me that no, you greedy little child, we're not paying for more private lessons when you're already in the free music program at school.

but the second i got into high school and my orchestra director told my parents to put me in private lessons, nevermind the fact that i already had free lessons with a very decent teacher at school, my parents signed me up on the spot.

when my violin teacher told my parents to send me to tanglewood, they did. when my violin teacher told my parents to buy me a new, professional quality violin, they did.

they did all of those things because someone who Wasn't Me said it was important.

shit, i remember being like 15 and wanting to get a lil part time job working at petsmart, and they told me i couldn't do it, because they didn't feel like dropping me off or picking me up from the petsmart 10 fucking minutes away from our house.

lmao can you imaginnnneeeee all the confidence and self-actualization i could have developed if even one single thing i asked to do was facilitated and nurtured by my parents?????

and now i have to struggle to learn this shit on my own because it's Not Their Problem if their adult child is struggling??

i hate me.

[koreandragon]

The way every single entertainment industry is imploding is literally the result of late stage capitalism lmao we're at a point where greed is at an all time high and CEOs are making 400 times their workers pay. US executives trying to cut costs to buy more yachts and killing writers and actors and giving us shitty rushed shows with 8 eps that get cancelled after 1 season and all they want to greenlight now is IP not a single original idea in sight. Korea is the same and it got screwed by Netflix and its model so now all they want to make is 12 ep crime shows, actors are legit begging for melo and romance. China which is "communist" but their economy is capitalist as hell is another matter entirely but it's the same thing, they just doubled down on the rules to have dramas be less than 40 eps etc and this might seem like a lot but most cdramas are based on really long really elaborate novels and a lot of them are costume fantasy shows that need world building etc, some shows need 50, some 60, some even 70, they're like multiple seasons of an American show and the good ones need those episodes to tell a good story. It sucks because it feels like art is being killed from every single side and it's heartbreaking as someone who loves tv shows and dramas. Capitalism and greed is killing us and it's not even letting us enjoy anything while it's doing it, at some point something needs to change because this is tragic and horrible, like what is the point? What are we doing? Why are these people so incredibly greedy and evil, why is it 2023 and censorship is getting so much worse, Chinese dramas and movies from the 90s or hell even the 2000s had so much more freedom, how can you tell a story when there are 100000 you can't mention, a number of episodes you can't surpass, like are they trying to slowly run these industries into the ground????? Can't people just be paid a living wage to do their fucking jobs that bring so much money? Can't people just be allowed to make their art without insane restrictions that actually do nothing bc censorship doesn't actually work?

i genuinely feel like we're at a tipping point rn. like we've gotta hit rock bottom to bounce back again and we're really scraping the bottom of the barrel right now. this strike could change so many things. you know how something has to burn to the ground so it can be reborn again? i feel like that's the entertainment industry now. Netflix execs making more money in a month than i will in my whole life and they don't want us to burn their house down? 'oh woe is me, it's sooo hard to drive out to the upper parts of malibu....what do i care if your family can...what again? eat?? you should've thought of that before you became writers!!'

when bo burnham said “this is the life blood of our industry. this ever changing public discourse, this eternal conversation born anew at every moment, happening across all platforms, between all users. this feeling, this steady, formless feeling, that hangs over everything, this untamable, aimless urgency. this sense that all of this is going to burst at any moment. it has to, it can’t sustain like this. not with this much speed, not with this much force. the fear of what will happen when it ends, when it hits the brick wall. and the other fear, the deeper fear, the unspeakable fear of never hitting the wall. of this feeling never ending, never slowing down, but rising forever like a shepard’s tone. an endless and pointless climb towards a terrible and dense nothing.”

[david-box]

Honeymoon States liveblog thing I wrote in my notes app but I post it a week late lol

Kendall having a poor little meow meow moment over here. Who's fucking house is this honestly do they all just fucking move all the time. Shout-out to Roman drinking from the sink same bro. Shiv looking real forlorn. Wait who's Sharon. SHES FUCKING PREGNANT. WHAT. WHATTT. WHAT. she's upset. Aw man.

The dark piano tones right when they're on an elephant always gets me. I'm surprised they didn't change the intro. Ope, Kendall with the big sunglasses again in the paparazzi, here we go again, back in the penthouse he ain't been in for years. Oh shit, Marcia!!! He spoke every morning and afternoon? Goddamn. Fuck. Oh um. Thanks. Marcia. Who was Hugo cussing out, lol. Kenda is surrounded by a lot of people he doesn't really know right now sitting in his home. Love how Roman's IDed by his finger taps. Like how he went from the dark room to the white room going from random ass sorry for your loss shit to his siblings joking around as soon as possible. Roman not processing it lol. Freight train a coming. Pre grieved. Lol. Coronation demolition derby right as Tom walks in. Love how Greg is just tall. And Shiv looks away on purpose right as Greg looks in. Glad to see Tom stepping into the finances gang - they don seem to mind his presence. He's not focused on it though till he brings up CEO and Franks method of getting them off to another room is fantastic. I get the sense they're more in charge than the kids are. One hour! Wild Oh, look, shit show reference. Glad they're not fired. Oh man Cousin Greg just. Walks in. Bruh. Dude you're not the family. Bruh. Dude. Bro. Greg. Bro. Get a new mommy love you Roman lol. Bro pick the phone up.

Interim thing. What's his face doesn't seem honest to me tbh. They're trying to take over. Tom: screw ups and dipshits *discussing his wife and in laws* lol. They're not gonna like that choice Charles or whatever your name is. They're have power too. Like Katrina vying for Gerri which Roman could swing for. Oh so CFO and Frank are in cahoots then lol. Poor Tom. I don't think Karl wants to leave by parachute anymore. love how Gerris like you were relevant in the 90s :-). Katarina walks off and Toms like yo. Don't fire me.please. Gerri calls him out loll. Good for him to brush it off. I think eating helps. Toms face shshhshssha.that is strong words Karl.bro. Damn dude could a made yourself useful. Mattson is ignoring him because Roman didn't answer. Shiv openly nervous lolll. Reconfigure in a week bro nah man. No lost of momentum. We're gonna do this rn lol. Why is Mattson pushing? Love her facial expressions lol. This is the annual retreat :-) come to us rn lol :-) *swedish accent*

Greg is tall. Marcia is like who the duck is Greg. Marcia's like look how far you've come :-) and Willas like we're both escorts bitch :-). Their honeymoon is a presidential tour. Coolio. She is so mad. ????????? Why would Marcia sell it. How does she own the penthouse. 60 and 70 million WHATTT the fuckkk WHY DOES SHE OWN THE HOUSE. what the fuck was that. She sold immediately. Idk if he wanted to buy at 63 lol. Role as executer.... What's the paper.... Tell us. Bro. Go away bruh. Get lost. Lol. Karl.Im kidding ;-) lol. In a humorous way. Those little princes.... Lol. Gerri wants you out? We might as well show her lol. It's his will ohhhhh nooo. Okay. He penciled something in last minute. Not Germain as long as as they don't know. Gerri is so funny lolll.

Con you gonna tell em they don't have the house anymore. At least Willa gets back to the city if she even likes it. Love how he's not even full front page. Dad sounds great would have loved to meet him. I think Connor really doesn't have a clue well no he's lying lol. That's mature Ken. The reviews are in, 5 stars. Noon. Hugo doing his own thing bruh y'all are so rich. Hugo asking for help :-( insider trading Hugo bro. Bro. Bro. Bro. Bro. I can't recollect bruh bro. Hugo. Hugo. I don't think Kendall can fix that. A "complicated man." Roman sitting in his old chair. He won't fuck a child because he won't even hug his grandkids aaaaahhahha okay poor Shiv tho lol. Shiv giving Tom the death glare lol. Bruh what water buddy. You can't say the slate is clean that's their job. Girl?? Lol still curious to see what the will says. Here to serve. Good luck. Yep that's that buddy. Nice doors. They're telling them?? Kendall? It's old damn. 4 yrs ago. Shivs head shake is wild. Look dude it does look like either. Interim position so why vye for it bro. Shiv is correct it's not decipherable but Kendall keys her in asap lol. So he did plan his funeral. Shiv dealing with the fact it was never going to be her. Roman's handling this best. That would be the dream financially speaking bruh lol. Oh they called Greg in? Disbursements. Nice. Penciled addendum with a question. Hwhahaahahah what??? Noooo Greg buddy. You have to work. Poor Karl. You don't have a good rapport bud. Poor Gerri is like this literally has no legal meaning please don't do thissss. Kendall. Buddy. Take the money and run. Is it real. There's that again. He *sometimes* wanted it. Karl really has affection for Kendall. He really does think this. Still Buddhist Kendall? Jackass. No Karl's not gonna follow buddy.

Poor Shiv. Shiv wearing a waist cincher while pregnant. Sad. Tom what the fuck does "you'll regret it" even mean you did pick the wrong horse. Asshole. Shiv is not happy. Shiv thinks she killed him? He was old. He misses the idea of him :-(. Tom missed her implication there. This is sweet. He loves her. He really does. She's trying not to cry. Colon has jeans on??. Lol. Dog without it's person. Not wrong. Secret service sweep?? Bro? Who the fuck is Mencken. Spooky embryo is funny. I think I have a counter veto lol my dad just died too. Who the fuck is doing this bruh. Giant of the conservative moment WAIT IPHONE FROM THE CLOGGED TOILET????? TOM???? bruh???? No compression socks for Kerry's sake??? This is evill!! Aaahhhh ahaha. Into the shape of a dick -> come on - bro Tom buddy lol. Paleolibertarian?? Dude. Connor dude. Shelby is here. Wild. He's literally smiling. Greg kissing up to Marcia for literally no reason bruh. She's crying right away. Damn. Fuck me that's a lotta drugs Christ alive. Arrangements for what. Greg shut the fuck up seriously. Oh his name Sandy. We should talk (walks off) lol.

These scenes flow well. That was sneaky Tom. Lip balm Tom Wam. He's smiling bc it still works. Heyyyyy stewey! Bro. Pulmonary embolism. That's a quick one. Stewey is funny. I hope he doesn't ask to push the sale. Stewey is gonna pull for Kendall ehhhh maybe. I don't think he thinks Kendall should do this. Pubes got singed lol. Kendall is trying to say he got blackmailed without saying it. Hey, haunted house reference. Drinking in the dark sounds pretty good. What's in it for me -> my dad is dead so please 🥺:-( . Willa wants it bigger. Everyone else is trying to avoid the meeting lol poor ken. Kendall. Dude. Who gives a shit? Why push Connor out?? Even Roman doesn't want to.

You have an issue with me that's fine (it's not). Shiv wants to grieve. Ger bear. Not Gerri, just not you. They want it together but it can't happen. Kendall is saying no lol. Hes lyinnnnggggg. This is like a pick 2 triangle. The fucking paper dude bro. Kendall went from yes shiv to no shuv as soon as Roman came in bruh. Roman pushes Shiv out. Ouch. It is but it isn't. It's holding but it isn't. I don't think Roman wants to fuck Shiv here vut Kendall might. Boss bitch eyyy. They tried to bluff Roman but Shiv gets that they don't actually understand or know that voicemail, asking if he's a cunt is pretty good for em lol. They're vying for this like it's permanent but it can't be. God you people are all fucking stupid. Ken and Rome. Ken and Rome. Who is shouting long live the king and the other king. Oh they meet on the steps again. Ouch that has GOT to sting ow.

That's a nice desk. Sudoku. Kendall didn't know bro you're such a shit liar. His jackets still there? Wild. Bring shiv in you assholes. Is Roman looking at his Viagra. The markets.... Dum dum dum dum dum.... Drums dadaddadada.... Operation embalm Lenin. Toughest version is correct. The paper is not strong dude. His kids were pulling the strings. I have quesineess (but is silent) they should absolutely shit on dad tho. Kendall buddy I don't think that's an underline. It wouldn't be. They redid the bathroom. I think Shiv knows he's fucked. Dhshhshs Jesus Christ Kendall what the fuck is wrong with you. What does soft no prints mean bro. Kendall pulling Hugo along with that leverage damn. Ouch. What control does he even have here over insider trading? Nice ending song tho.

[theblogtini]

I'm not the anon who asked but reading your explanation about the baby formula thing I'm just horrified. In my country women get 4 months of paid maternity leave in the private sector, 6 months if she is a public servant. And it's very much not the choice of the company, it's in the labor laws. On top of that we get a month of paid vacation every year. Some people divide that to two weeks at a time so you don't take all at once. Some people even "sell" their vacation, meaning they get a deal with their employer and keep working during the obligatory vacation month they should have taken, and in that month they receive double salary. We are in Latin America BTW, I will never understand how people in US do not uproar with how things are.

The problem with the US is that for a very long time, we practiced isolationism. We were just over here chillin' in our own bubble, building our country and being like "hey, let's figure out how to rule without a monarch."

We built up a massive military but never really used it - it was all for show.

Then with WWI and WWII we started getting heavily involved in international conflicts and politics. We became the "world's police," and because we had so much money, military might, and influence over industries here and in other countries, we kind of ran the show.

But we've still kept this same isolated, nationalist ideal where people are conditioned to think we are the greatest, strongest, best country in the world. "The birthplace of democracy!"

But in reality nearly every industrialized country in the world has better quality of life than we do. We might have a higher GDP and a bigger army, but we don't provide our people with the healthcare, education, housing, or support they need. We have the most money of any country in the world but we spend it on bailing out corporations that are fucking people over or imprisoning our own people, rather than HELPING our own people.

And that's why right now, our country is so politically divided.

About half the country realizes that things are VERY BAD and that we could be doing A LOT better and that we deny people the very basic rights that people in other country receive (healthcare, education, etc.).

And half the country thinks things are fine but would get better if only white, Evangelical males were in charge and if we adhered to a strict policy of "family values," discrimination, and nationalism. 🙃 People in the US literally believe that universal healthcare is impossible and bad and would basically be the downfall of society, not realizing that 136 countries are all making universal healthcare work. Sure there may be hiccups, and the systems aren't perfect, but at least in those countries people aren't terrified of getting sick because they can't afford the medical bills or insurance.

Also, the US has been VERY slow to modernize. In some industries we have (we adopt technology really quickly, industries innovate and iterate multiple times per year, etc) but culturally we're pretty reserved and prudish. Women didn't enter the workforce en masse until the 50's and 60's, and so the issue of maternity leave was never really that important... and when it became important because being able to live on a single family income became impossible, we never made any changes.

And now we just let people suffer and tell them they're LUCKY to be in this country b/c either they don't know any better or because the place they came from was exponentially worse. But it does not mean things here are good, at all. They aren't HORRIFIC... but that doesn't mean they're good.

[sugdenlovesdingle]

Pfft I can’t be bothered to vote b it’s not like it matters I’m happy living with crippling student debt and working for an old grumpy arsehole and a soon to be nagging husband

In short nah screw voting

you're lucky I can't slap you through the computer!

if everyone was like "nah i'm not voting, it doesn't do anything" NOTHING would ever change! Your upcoming marriage would still be illegal - your RELATIONSHIP would still be illegal, women would still be considered property, wouldn't have the right to vote, would be expected to quit their job and stay home with the kids as soon as they got married.

my grandmother had to officially have permission from her husband to OPEN A BANK ACCOUNT when my mum was little. That was in the 50s/60s. that changed because people who thought that was bullshit got voted into office.

BIden's administration is forgiving student debt - because that's important to the people who voted for them.

there are serious talks about the Dutch government officially apologising for the Dutch slavery history. The city of Amsterdam and Rotterdam have officially apologised. There are talks about making Keti Koti (the celebration of the end of slavery) a national holiday. You know why that is? Because people who think that should happen got voted into office.

Make up is no longer tested on animals in the EU - because people voted for people who made that happen.

Liz Truss is incompetent but she is still a woman in the most important position in the country (or well - was). That wouldn't have happened if nobody who believed women should be allowed to "run for office" (or whatever the British equivalent of that term is) ever stood up for what they believed in and other people stood up with them AND VOTED.

One thing you can be sure of is that the people who benefit from the system being the way it is now, will go vote to make sure it stays that way.

In the Netherlands we've had the same incompetent asshole as prime minister for over 10 years. His party have gutted the healthcare system, fucked up the energy market, introduced legislations that require people who are on benefits to 'do something in return" and work as a volunteer in some way (taking care of family counts as volunteering too). if you don't, you don't get any money. and don't even think about asking friends or family for a loan or even accept a bag of shopping from them - you will get caught (people can report you) and they will dock your pay.

The people affected by this bullshit are not the people who vote for the assholes who came up with it. But they are the most likely to go "i'm not voting, it doesn't change anything". and THAT'S WHY after the last elections we got shafted with the same assholes who'd just resigned over scandal number 1228463941 - their supporters vote. The upper class, rich, bastards who look down on people on benefits. They LIKE the system where the default is that someone can own a fuckton of houses, rent them out for a fuckton of money AND THEN DON'T HAVE TO PAY TAXES ON IT. They're not going to sit back and watch the lazy, unemployed ("they just don't want to work"), peasants change that system - they vote to keep their guy in office!

I was going voting with my parents when I was little and I got to press the button or colour the little box next to their candidate's name red. The first time I got my own polling card I wanted to frame it! My parents were so proud they wanted to take a picture of me at the polling station. Fuck driving or legally drinking or even getting married - my dad was there when I got to vote for the first time, i think that meant more to him.

I could rant about this for hours but I'm hungry so I'll stop and go fix myself something to eat.

But whatever you do - the next election GO! VOTE!

[anystalker707]

Spicy horror

Pairing: Frank x [fem] Reader Word count: ~ 4 000 Genre: Smut / Fluff Summary: It's Halloween, and (y/n) and Frank finally confess their crushes to each other when binge watching horror movies on Frank's place. Kind of content: Praising / Protected / Oral

Requested by @thisisjustforrequestingfanfics (can't tag you, sorry hhh my T*mblr is acting weird)

a/n - I'm sorry that I coudn't proofread, I might do it soon; I was supposed to be asleep rn

"You're just annoying, old man," I tease with a grin. "But don't whine or else you'll ruin the makeup!" I continue spreading the white concealer over his face, careful to get it on the corners around his nose and around his eye, though not to irritate his eyes.

"No, fuck you," Frank groans, his face twitching to suppress any expression. "Why can't we watch it again tonight? They're the best movies! And stop calling me old man, it's just my birthday! I'm not decomposing or anything!" Despite his words, he smiles, opening his eyes once I pull away, leaning back against the chair of the desk – I roll my eyes.

"Yeah, I agree." I grab the eyeshadow palette from the desk and move closer to him again. "TCM is a great series and all, but can we not watch it for a single week? It's your birthday and we can watch literally any horror movie! And it can be special, like, not something we've watched a thousand times already to the point we already know most of the lines." I glare before motioning for him to close his eyes.

Frank sighs grumpily, leaning his head back. "What are you planning on, then? Alien? Jaws?" He lets out a weird cry when I slap the side of his head lightly, though he is soon chuckling.

"And then you complain when I say how annoying you are!" I spread the dark eyeshadow over his eyes, humming. "It's been a while since we've watched The Howling, Evil Dead, House of Wax. I mean, 'm not gonna complain if we decide on Alien and Jaws either." He hums, pouting. "Don't worry, you're still my favorite old man." I press a kiss to his head.

"I hate you," he laughs.

After a little bit of fake blood and retouching on my makeup, the two of us are leaving Frank's house to go to school, waving his mother goodbye. We don't look like what most of the kids will go dressed up as – not putting enough effort nor choosing the same themes as the jocks and popular people and not invisible enough just to throw on whatever in a black theme. Frank looks like a chill vampire with Bela Lugosi's Dracula references, though still looking like a punk, while I decided on one of my favorite characters. Nothing too extra, but still in the vibe.

"You look ridiculous with that hair slicked back." I kick one of the pebbles on the sidewalk. "I prefer the hedgehog or whatever it is in the normal state."

"I honestly feel like I could kill someone just from biting their jugular off." He grins, throwing his nose in the air – I can't help but to chuckle; he's adorable. "But not gonna be anyone from school, they're not worth it neither their blood would taste good." He twists his mouth. "I feel like most I'd get would be booze, botox and steroids."

"Damn," I snort, "awfully accurate. You're gonna starve, sorry."

Frank pouts, looking down, but a smirk soon tugs on his lips as he takes a step closer. "But you're not that bad, baby, you know?"

"Oh, fuck off!" I roll my eyes, clicking my tongue. "You just want to get in my jugular!"

Both of us burst out in chuckles and our conversation eventually dies down when we walk past the gates to inside the school, replaced by jokes at other people's costumes, sometimes needing to hold onto each other from laughter.

We walk into the first class, already a bit late, but all it does is to attract everyone's attention the moment we step in.

"Ridiculous, as always," some girl mutters under her breath. Funny.

Frank wraps a hand around the length of the coat to stupidly bring it to cover the lower part of his face, looking around with narrowed eyes then wide ones. "I smell not just a lot of blood here," he says in a low and raspy voice, "but also stupidity!" He points at the girl judgingly, making her twist her mouth disgusted.

"I hope Freddy Krueger visits you tonight," I say when walking past her, patting her shoulder. A scream comes from her when noticing the fake blood stain I leave behind on her white outfit, having Frank and I chuckling on our way to the back.

No one really pays attention to the classes – it's Halloween, we're even in stupid clothes and anxious for whatever is going to happen later in the day, so the teacher doesn't even bother scolding Frank and I for talking nonstop in the back of the classroom. To be honest, I think only the goody two shoes are actually doing something, sometimes turning around to glare at the others.

"Okay, okay, shut up for a minute!" I tell Frank, taking a look at the messy words over my notebook to check if I forgot to write something down. "We've got The Howling, Alien, Evil Dead, House of Wax, Dawn of the Dead, Funhouse, Pumpkinhead..."

"Fright Night," Frank continues, "Opera, Cannibal Holocaust, Texas Chainsaw–"

"I said no TCM! Fuck you," I curse, rushing to write everything down, crossing out TCM when I accidentaly write it down.

"Friday the 13th, Poltergeist, Near Dark and Elm Street," he finishes, glaring at me. He hits my shoulder, not enough to hurt. "I'll make you watch TCM with me until you have memorized every single frame of it!"

"Your TCM phase will have died down by then!" I twist my mouth bitterly. "Sorry to kill the hype, baby!" I throw my nose in the air with a chuckle at his sulky manners. He furrows his eyebrows, sucking in a breath for words he never really gets to say. "And we still got to watch all these goth movies and shows lying around! Do you think it was easy finding the 60s Addams family show on DVD? Or that one Frankenstein version on cassette." Okay, the last one was easy to find in a yard sale, but still, it was just luck.

"Okay, mommy, please just don't punish me," Frank says with a groan and a fake moan. I stare at him as he's not able to contain his laughter before starting to hit him with the notebook.

"Too bad you're not a good boy, hun."

For once, school ends up actually being nice and just because Frank and I were getting in the character sometimes and pissing people off. By lunch, he had pulled on some sunglasses and looked like the stupidest fucker while eating his sandwich and smudging more of the lipstick and fake blood around his lips. At some point, we had pretended to have a fight and pierce the other's chest with a pair of scissors just to squeeze a bag of fake blood at whoever walked by – mostly some of the jocks or plastics. So much fun.

The house is quiet when we arrive back at it, a couple hours after school ended, and we find out, later, a note from Frank's mom apologizing she can't be here during the rest of his birthday, though she's sure he'll have fun with me.

"Imma take a shower," I sigh, pointing upstairs.

"Sure," he hums, looking up from the note for a moment to smile at me.

Thankfully, I always leave some clothes at Frank's place because I'm here far too often and not always have the chance or disposition to go back home and grab some clothes. It doesn't prevent me from stealing his hoodie, however, and walking out of the bathroom without all of that sticky makeup or fake blood is the best thing ever. Later, Frank is the one to go take a shower while I take care of the food he had already started to prepare.

"Much better!" I raise my eyebrows at the sight of Frank with his hair back to normal and only a bit of black makeup smudges the underside of his eyes now.

"Y'know, I never said a single thing about how you looked," he mutters with his brow low, coming to lean against the counter, next to me, "still, you've been attacking me every chance you got!"

"Does it offend you?" I smile.

"No, but it still hurts!" He sniffles, a hand flat against his chest. "I know I'm too badass for you to handle, but you don't need to let it be that clear!"

I look at him from head to foot. "I hate you, y'know that?"

"Love you too, hun!" He grins and moves closer, cupping my face exaggeratedly to peck my cheek before we head upstairs with everything we need.

We turn the lights on to organize everything, soon sitting down against a pile of pillows and with food surrounding us, though most of it is on the bedside tables since Frank, mainly, gets extremely uncomfortable with it falling on the bed. It doesn't matter, though, since the food and half empty cans end up going forgotten halfway through the movie at the same time the chatter dies down and we watch The Evil Dead as if it was the first time.

Some funny part comes on – well, not exactly funny, but enough to make us chuckle quietly – and brings us back to reality, sighing and glancing at each other, adjusting our postures as we'd slid down the pillows.

Frank yawns.

"Already tired?" I tease, poking his shoulder.

"No." He pouts, crossing his arms over his chest. "Getting tired is for losers." He does glance at the clock on his bedside table, however, and the red glowing numbers say it's six something.

"You're my favorite loser, then." I smirk lightly, exhaling.

Frank's eyebrows knit together as he looks at me, but then rolls his eyes. "Well, duh, of course I am! Who else? I'm the best." He scoots closer until his head is leaning on my shoulder and I can't help but to smile.

"No, I am," I groan, arms wrapped around him.

"I am!" He glares and, at some point, we end up in a wrestling match, pushing each other around the mattress among laughter and curses, which comes to a stop when we start getting too tired and I just let Frank lie down on top of me, head on my chest, still watching the movie. "Do you like anyone, (y/n)?" he asks suddenly. "Like, got a crush?"

Random. Why does he want to know? I mean, I do have a crush, but telling him about it is difficult.

"Um, yeah, I guess, why?" I blink, startled when he suddenly brings himself up on his elbows to stare at me.

"I swear to God I'll hunt them down if you forget about me because of them, do you understand?" Frank presses his forehead to mine. "You're the only one I got, sometimes I'm so worried you'll even leave me for whatever reason."

"What?" I breathe a chuckle, though there's not exactly anything funny here. "Never in my right mind would I do that! And you can't hunt my crush down if my crush is actually you," I laugh in a sudden rush of confidence, which wears out awfully quickly, leaving me lying there and rethinking every life choice.

"Me?" Frank widens his eyes. At the lack of answer, he takes a hold of my collar, straddling my hips. "Did I hear it right? Please, (y/n), (n/n), soulmate? I'm your goddamn crush? For how long?"

I shake my head lightly, shrugging. "Months? A long time."

"And you just told me now?" He cries, forehead pressed to my shoulder. "Slow motherfucker."

"I didn't want you to leave me either, c'mon!" I sigh in defeat, running a hand through his hair. "I remember that time a girl confessed to you and you'd simply vanish whenever she showed up. What if that was with me? I'd not be able to live like this, y'know that."

"Y'know, yeah, seeing it from that point..." Frank shrugs, bringing himself up to face me again. "Still, I wouldn't avoid you like that! Dunno, but it doesn't matter now because you just relieved me of months of suffering. Looking at these pretty lips without being able to kiss it." He furrows his eyebrows, eyes on my lips. "Can I kiss you, tho? Now that we feel stupid for all these months. Damn. At least I feel."

I breathe a chuckle. "Of course! Do you think I wasn't dying to do it either?"

Next thing I know are Frank's lips pressed against mine softly, soon growing firm with confidence. His fingers run along my neck lightly, in a caring manner, dropping to trace my collarbones.

"Also," Frank breathes, pulling away; his face never moves farther than a couple of inches whilst he adjusts his position, lying down beside me on the mattress. "Maybe it's wrong to say and I've always tried to say it in a subtle manner, but–" his eyes meet mine, "–you've got the body of a goddess! Like, dunno, sometimes you comment about not having an 'ideal', skinny body, but you're just so perfect," he groans, wrapping his arms around me tightly.

"Frank!" I tap on his back lightly. It's not that I don't like what he said – no, damn, it sends my heart fluttering, this warmth taking over my chest –, but is it really the truth? I didn't think it was possible for anyone to tell me this.

"No, I'm telling the truth!" Frank grins. "Like, your thighs and all. I just want to squeeze and bite you! Not in a bad way, I mean." I must give him a funny look because of how flustered he grows, tongue playing with his lip ring as he looks away. "There's a lot to unpack, fuck, I thought it was obvious how I always sit there gazing at you and shit, but..."

"Likewise." I glare playfully, making him chuckle.

"Y'know–" Frank smiles lazily, "–this is the best birthday I've ever had, by far." He brushes his lips against mine softly, watching me through half lidded eyes. "Never knew you'd actually like me back. Never believed it was possible, to be honest."

"I never cogitated you like me," I breathe.

"Well, okay," he says, "we've already gotten through this. I think we should focus on now."

"I'm not the one who keeps bringing back past thoughts!" I chuckle at how he pouts, scowling funnily.

"Shut up, shut up, I get it!" Frank rolls his eyes and presses his lips to mine before I can say anything, having me smiling against the kiss until returning it, wrapping my arms around his neck to pull him closer. Now that we've finally kissed, keeping our lips off each others' feels almost impossible – letting go of each other feels almost impossible. "God fucking damnit," he groans under his breathe, moving to press kisses down my jaw, soon reaching my neck.

A sigh escapes my lips at the kisses, though it turns into quiet pleased sounds at the feeling of his teeth pulling at my skin and sometimes closing around it, sucking on it whilst all I can bring myself to do is tugging onto his hair. Suddenly, however, feeling his hands traveling down to my hips and squeezing them makes me gasp, probably reacting a bit more than I intended.

"What?" Frank pulls away at the same moment, eyes wide. "Did I do something wrong? Please– Damn, I'm so sorry!"

"N-No, no," I finally bring myself into speaking up, feeling my cheeks burn bright red. "I, um, I actually... liked it. A lot. Sorry if I scared you, I just wasn't expecting it. I don't mind, really," I insist as he continues looking at me with furrowed eyebrows.

"You sure?"

"Yeah!" I smile, bringing him for a quick kiss before he's trailing down my neck again.

Frank's hands go down my body, experimentally at first and then squeezing my hips again, receiving another reaction this time, including just a soft gasp as I push my hips up – a shiver runs down my spine with it, a nice one. Fuck.

"Damn..." Frank breathes, hands running down to my thighs then up again to slide under my shirt. "It's a bit early, maybe–" he shrugs, looking at me, "–but... is it okay if..."

Holy hell. "Of course," I say without thinking much – he continues to stare, so I nod.

"Fuck yeah," he mutters, lips against mine for a few seconds before he's pulling my shirt over my head and the expression on his face carries such admiration that I can't help but to feel embarrassed for a moment. He never lets me cover myself, nonetheless, hands flying to my waist to hold firmly onto it as he's pressing kisses from my stomach to my hip. "No, seriously–" he sits up again, "–how can someone be so perfect?" He seems to be talking mostly to himself, getting rid of his shirt.

"Dunno." I grin. "How does it feel to be so perfect, baby?"

Frank exhales shakily. "You'll be the death of me and I ain't even joking." He presses a kiss to my collarbone, starting to nibble down at the skin again, trailing down to my chest, lips sometimes lingering over my breasts – sure as hell he leaves a few marks behind, considering how invested he gets.

Something tells me he doesn't know what to focus on. His hands never stay in the same place for too long, going down my thighs then trailing up to my waistband, up my torso, and then he repeats it.

"C'mon," I mutter, placing his hands on my waistband. He's a bit hesitant, but quickly undoes the buttons and starts pulling it down – I help him, kicking the pants away in the end.

A string of curses slip past Frank's lips as he quickly gets rid of his jeans too and, when coming back, he kneels down between my legs this time, spreading them apart. Our lips are yet again locked in a kiss, different from the others, more heated up and urgent this time as we hold onto each other. I play with the hair on the back of his neck and tug onto it instead at the feeling of his hands around my ass, groping.

"Frank, damn," I breathe quietly for a second we pull apart and, opposite to earlier, he gets the hint and does it again, humming against my lips. Once he stops groping, his hands just run along my skin, up and down my body, sometimes lingering. The most lovesick look decorates his face when he pulls away. My heart.

I place my hands on Frank's shoulders as I sit up, changing our positions. He observes me with wide eyes and I smile at him before pressing kisses to his neck, leaving behind a hickey before I can go lower and lower until my fingers are around the waistband of his boxers and I pause, looking up at him, and continue after he nods.

Frank's already half hard, a breath hitching in his throat as, after discarding his boxers, I assume my previous position.

Even if it's not the first time I've done that, this nervousness still lies under my skin as I wrap a hand around him, pumping him lightly before wrapping my lips around the head experimentally. He breathes sharply.

Only halfway through it that I allow myself to look up at Frank, pausing for a moment after finding out he's been watching, propped up on his elbows, eyes focused on me and jaw slack, but I don't look away, hollowing my cheeks instead and watching him break under my gaze, letting go of all the tension for a second.

I repeat the motions a few times and pull away, licking up along the underside, around the tip, and he's suddenly pulling me away – eyes wide and face flushed this time.

Frank mumbles something I can't quite understand, but it doesn't really matter. He moves closer, both of us soon assuming the position we were in minutes ago, pressed against each other. Now, he removes my underwear and his hand slips between us, however.

Pleasure is sent ringing up my spine at the feeling of Frank's fingers slipping past my lips, quickly finding my clit and wasting no time on working his thumb on it while a couple of fingers tease my entrance. Moans just escape my throat easily after he breaks the kiss, mouthing his way until the inside of one of my thighs – he bites and sucks on the skin there. His tongue is suddenly there, then, against my clit, working around it before being replaced by his lips and my vision goes fucking blank when I can feel him sucking on it.

"Fuck," Frank curses once pulling away, moving to frantically rummage through the nightstand's drawer; I groan at the loss of touch, pushing my hips up into nothing.

Hearing the sound of foil being torn makes me understand what's happening, and I watch him rush to slip the condom on, giving us a moment to catch our breath before he's positioning himself, a hand on my hip whilst another holds himself up.

"Tell me if there's something wrong, okay?" he asks slowly, "I'll stop right away. Don't be afraid."

"Same to you," I say softly, cupping his face to pull him for a soft, quick kiss.

Frank smiles with a nod and looks down before I can feel him against my entrance, pushing in slowly. I wrap my arms around his shoulders tightly, feeling his chest vibrate against mine with the low moan coming from him, replaced by a sigh once he sinks in completely. He starts moving right away, hips jerking experimentally before attaining a heavy and slow pace which doesn't last long due to how needy we are already.

I gasp at how he thrusts in harder, wrapping my arms around his shoulders to hold him close and having my legs around his hips, instinctively.

Curses and praises are breathed into my ear among moans, somehow making the pleasure pool down in my lower stomach even more intensely, summed up to feeling his hands groping on my ass again, fingers sinking into the skin.

"You're just so perfect, (y/n)," he babbles, "and even better that now you're all mine."

Suppressing a louder moan turns out to be impossible at the feeling of Frank's hips reaching a certain angle and, soon, the answer I had in my slips away from my grasp and all there's left is just how good he feels. I travel a hand up to his hair, remembering how he reacted to it earlier, and tug on it in a form of response, though also wanting to hear how pathetically he moans at it.

"'M gonna cum," I manage to say before being cut off by a moan, arching my back.

"Me too, babe," he groans, "almost there."

Frank pauses, adjusting himself so a hand is under my thigh and another on the mattress for major support and his thrusts are suddenly harsher. I throw my head back at the same time, holding onto him tightly, and it doesn't take long for all the pleasure that had been building up so far to unravel at once – it apparently triggers the same on him, considering how tight his grasp gets whilst a higher pitched moan comes from him.

Coming down from the high, I feel almost numb, in a good way. Frank pulls away and I'm only aware of him when he's lying down next to me, both of us breathing heavily and unable to do anything aside from staring at the ceiling for a long moment.

"Damn, I love you so much, so much," he mumbles again.

I breathe a chuckle, feeling him cuddling up to me, arms wrapped around me. "And I love you, dumbass." I press a kiss to his head.

"My girlfriend now, right?" he asks. "Nevermind, you don't get to choose." He chuckles, though it quickly dies down. "Just kidding, okay? Tell me to and I'll fuck off."

I laugh, still breathless. "Of course I am. I didn't confess for nothing."

[horce-divorce]

I've had 2 family members offer to buy me an "early birthday present" this year on the fly and I panicked and said no thanks both times and I'm getting kind of pissed off about it tbh. Incomimg rant abt one of those aspects of disabled adult life that sets you apart from other adults and makes you feel fucking useless.

my family is affluent but I can't ASK them for help. if I do that they're sorry but no :/ so sad :/ but if my dad sees me counting quarters. he'll give me a bag of $50 worth of quarters. he can gift me 50 whole dollars but he can't just GIVE it to me like normal money, he cant "afford" that. I have to be willing to take it to the coinstar or whatever.

I can't ask them for clothes or point out that I've only had one (1) pair of pants for 2 years and its fucking sweatpants. theyre prob embarassed by the fact i wear the same stained sweatpants every day, but I can't afford new pants and I cant just ASK for new ones because That's Entitled, No Thanks. But if my dad sees me so much as looking at a pair of $60 Tevas while everyone else is shopping, he'll offer to buy me an early birthday present all of a sudden.

and that's nice and I get that it's a nice gesture and it has to be offered but here's the thing. my family members can afford all the things they need and then some, so shopping and buying gifts is just that; its frivolous, its just for funsies. I can't fucking do that. I can't afford ANY one thing that I need. Not one. The meds fucking keeping me ALIVE rn I only get bc I beg online or my dad feels bad and gives me his pocket change once every 6 months or whatever.

Which means when ppl ask me "what do you want for your birthday?" That's my ONE CHANCE PER YEAR to get the things I actually need. It means I don't ask for the things I want for my birthday. It means I always have to ask for the things I need and couldn't afford for the last year (or maybe more depending on which necessities I asked for last year). It means I never get anything that's just for funsies or to play with because I can't buy that stuff on my own and I certainly can't afford to waste a gift request on it.

But it also means I have to budget my gifts. I can't ask for things that are for fun and entertainment. If I don't ask for pants or shoes for my birthday I DONT GET THEM. Ever. Period. End of story. It doesnt fucking happen.

so my family keeps coming around at the worst possible moment and going "don't you want a tripod grill for camping?" when I don't even have pants or a proper fucking tent with a COVER or a sleeping pad or even my own damn bug spray (where the F am i gonna get $7). or my dad going "don't you want these Tevas?" when I don't even have basic proper clothes.

but nobody wants to hear that shit cus then its not fun for them as the gifter. it's not a fun silly cool time to be 'gifting' people basic necessities. sorry I'm so poor I'm not even fucking fun to shop for.

I know this is like a dumb stupid thing to complain about when they're at least not kicking me out this time and that my dad will sometimes grab my groceries when he goes to the store. But it's really honestly making me a little fucking insane that all my family members treat me like I'm The Same as them and like I'm living the same fucking life as them just bc they see me every day when in reality we live wildly different lives. And just bc I'm In Their House doesn't make me, like, part of Their Household financially speaking you know what I mean. I don't wanna sit here and listen to them talk about fucking real estate and then turn around and offer to buy me a tripod grill or fucking tevas when I've been rotating thru the same 3 pairs of underwear for over a year. But I can't fucking say that bc then they'll feel bad so I'm here instead

[lackofhonor]

Rant begin. Just me venting.

...

Went to run with my running club this evening for a quick couple miles and got there mid conversation between two other members, both of whom are late 40s to early 60s. They are discussing adult children who continue living with their parents after 18 and how they can't believe how "kids" now just are content with "gaming and living in their parents' basement instead of moving out".

Me: "I didn't hear the situation you are discussing but it is actually quite expensive to rent a place. The going rate here (under 100k pop. city) is about $600 to $620 a month for a one bedroom. I currently rent at a slightly lower rate because I help my landlord around the property. For a lot of young adults working multiple jobs or fresh out of schooling it isn't always possible to afford a place on their own. Sometimes a roommate helps but you have to find someone reliable enough to rent with so you don't end up holding the bag.

Them: "But too many kids just don't want to try because they have it so good with their parents. "

Me: "That might be true. Everyone's experience is different. I am just saying it isn't always as easy as it seems. Prices vary with location and sometimes it is just as smart to stay put if you can and save money. Like I said I am currently renting and I know it can be hard."

Am I the asshole? Because these guys sure as shit have not been renting anytime in the last twenty years I guarantee you. One is a retired pharmacetuical salesman and not sure what the other guy does/did. I don't mean to insert myself but my tank for tolerating bullshit is low and I am about fucking tired of hearing this fucking bootstrap logic. Love my running club but it is very very middle to upper middle class/affluent and sometimes I wanna whack people for saying shit like this.

Maybe I am getting old too, but I feel like if you didn't have to be a young adult (18-25) or struggling adult (No age range thanks) from 2007 on your opinion on things like renting, wages, health insurance coverage etc is pretty well out of date.

I am having a hard time finding people I can connect with because while I was able to obtain my bachelors, I am just educated enough to be dangerous and want to discuss complex issues but also just poor and working class enough that I am always an outsider. Like I had a chat with someone who thought he grew up poor because his family farmed. His family had 1500+ head of cattle, owns over 2k acres and farms double that via rented ground. When I asked him why he thought he grew up poor he said his father didn't have a bachelor's degree and all the money went back into the farm. I asked if they ever had to go without or not seek medical care or put any of their assets for sale because the farm was in trouble. He said no. His father also paid for each of his children to obtain their college education. My face: 😐 You know just because your father didn't have a college degree and farms doesn't necessarily mean you were poor. It sounds like you were asset rich but cash poor, which is very different from living near or below poverty line. Him: 🤑Nah I was poor.

Same person after I expressed being a little overwhelmed lately with my full time job, back injury, side gig cleaning/house sitting and part time job as a crisis counselor: "Aw you need to slow down. Tell me what's on your mind. You'll feel better."

Me: "Thanks but I really don't feel like you can relate to my experience right now."

Yet he is offended? This is why I don't even bother trying with a lot of people. It's fine for them to dump on you but when they can't or won't do the same for you suddenly you're the problem for either not sharing or sharing and their inability to empathize makes you feel worse. 😱😱😱

Rant over...

[shijiujun]

Can I be cheeky& also jump on the Chuyao fic prompt bandwagon, please? Sham marriage idea proposed by LY when his sister appears to drag him back home. Except LY announces straight up he can't as he is with QCS (We are married...spiritually!) and everyone, even QCS, going wth??? Then there's chaos (LY family) but also support (Bai family /all of Shanghai)? And somehow LY & QCS evolve from friends to lovers? I imagine QCS will suffer in this fic becoz of LY antics. Thank you so much!!

ANON, HERE YOU GO: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25225831

-

“You can’t take me away from Lao Qiao, he’s my husband!” Lu Yao blurts out suddenly in the chaos, yelling at the top of his lungs.

The ensuing silence comes swiftly, and it’s so quiet that he thinks he can hear everyone’s heartbeats.

“You are?” yells Youning, about to launch a ceramic vase at an unsuspecting person in front of her.

“I am?” thinks Chusheng, a fist of his opponent’s hair in his right hand.

--

Read the full chapter below

“You can’t take me away from Lao Qiao, he’s my husband!” Lu Yao blurts out suddenly in the chaos, yelling at the top of his lungs.

The ensuing silence comes swiftly, and it’s so quiet that he thinks he can hear everyone’s heartbeats.

“You are?” yells Youning, about to launch a ceramic vase at an unsuspecting person in front of her.

“I am?” thinks Chusheng, a fist of his opponent’s hair in his right hand.

Lu Yao regrets it the moment the words leave his mouth, because he’d said whatever was the first thing on his mind in this moment of crisis, if only to keep everyone from fighting to the death. How did the situation even escalate like this?

His sister (and his siblings, to be accurate) rarely find themselves surprised by their youngest brother, but this time, Lu Miao’s eyes go comically wide as his words sink in. As soon as the surprise comes, however, the cold fury sets in, and Chusheng turns around just in time to have Lu Miao turn her attention on him. If looks could kill…

Chusheng is a little ashamed to say that he might be dead right now.

“You better explain, Lu Yao,” seethes Lu Miao.

===

He sits uncomfortably on the chair in Bai Qili’s manor, looking at his hands on his laps. Next to him, Chusheng sits as well in silence. The man has not exposed him so far, and Lu Yao wonders if he will — on one hand he hopes fervently that Chusheng helps him through this, but the other part fears Chusheng’s anger and disgust after.

He embarrassed Chusheng in front of so many people earlier. Lu Yao basically fake-outed Chusheng and dragged him into this farce, a farce that has no easy solution.

Why didn’t he use his stupid brain before spouting nonsense?

“You must be joking,” Lu Miao snorts, considering Lu Yao. “Which church or registry would have allowed you to officially marry another man?”

“We’re married spiritually!” Lu Yao retorts, when no one else speaks up. “We did our baitang, three bows and all.”

Chusheng doesn’t contradict him, but Lu Yao can almost feel the murderous intent emanating off the inspector who’s sitting closest to him.

“You are being entirely ridiculous, if it’s not officially registered then it doesn’t count at all! You’re coming back with me right this instant-“

“Why are you always sticking your nose into my affairs where it’s not welcomed? I’m perfectly happy here, have you ever thought about what I want? I’m not three anymore, jie!”

They might have continued to argue for hours after, maybe shatter some plates and cups in the process, if not for Bai Qili’s intervention.

“… Lu-xiaojie, perhaps a baitang doesn’t mean much to you or the rest of the Lu family, but the Bai family and Green Dragon Gang takes the ceremony very seriously. Since San Tu is married to Chusheng by ritual, I’m afraid he is one of ours now. If your family insists, I’m sure I can make arrangements for an official registration, conventional or not," the man drawls, as imposing as ever.

Lu Yao almost gapes at Bai Qili — out of everyone present here in this living room, Lu Yao was sure the old man would be the first to beat him to death and then toss his body into the river for daring to corrupt his Chusheng, never mind that Lu Yao comes from a powerful family himself.

How would he not know what a taboo it is for two men to be together in Shanghai, or the rest of China? If they were overseas — Paris, London, anywhere, this would be much more acceptable, so to hear Bai Qili just go with the flow without a word of protest or even a look at Lu Yao is not what he expects of the head of the Bai family.

Finally daring to brave a look at Chusheng, Lu Yao sees his best friend glance over at the same time and freezes.

There’s no anger, not that Lu Yao can see. Some exasperation and resignation perhaps as Chusheng sports an expression that is similar to the one he has when he’s experiencing severe gastric.

San Tu, you can’t tell me you don’t know just how much he dotes on and gives in to you.

This was something Youning said a while ago, and he shudders, all the hair on his skin standing up as Chusheng reaches out a little hesitantly, and then wrapping Lu Yao’s smaller hand in his.

“Da-jie, lao ye-zi, I’m sorry for not informing the both of you earlier, this was indeed an oversight on my part. We completed the ceremony in the Green Dragon Gang’s altar hall… we were still figuring out how to tell you both. My apologies,” he lies smoothly. “And if here is where San Tu wants to stay, I won’t have anyone take him away from me.”

Fuck, Lu Yao curses internally, his eyes widening because why does this sound so, so real?

A squeeze around his hand reminds him that it’s his turn to play his part, and so Lu Yao continues, “Jie, please. I just want to be here with Lao Qiao. If you… if you decide to take me back home anyway, if you do anything to take him away from me… I won’t want to live anymore.”

Lu Miao stares for a good while, but tries again, “Do I not know you well enough? You won’t have the guts to do that. Stop theatening me, it won’t work-“

“You didn’t think I’d cut myself off from the family,” Lu Yao returns quietly. “But I got out from right under your nose, didn’t I? At least for the first year.”

“San Tu, do you even know what you’re doing? He’s a gang member!”

“Hey, what’s wrong with a gang member? Are you looking down on my brother?” interrupts Youning suddenly, her hands on her hips as she furiously snaps at Lu Miao. “This gang member of a brother has been taking care of San Tu, where were you guys when he was down to his last silver and almost getting chased out of his house? It’s Lu Yao’s fortune to have bagged someone as outstanding as Chusheng-ge!"

Lu Yao pales a little at the mention of a fine example of how he’s not taking care of himself well and also at Youning’s insinuation that he married up, then hurries to say, “Jie, there’s no one else for me but Qiao Chusheng. Where he goes, I will go.”

Even in death, is the unspoken part to that declaration.

She falls silent at that. After a beat passes, Lu Miao turns her attention to Chusheng, as if saying, if my brother wants to be ridiculous, so be it, but are you going to ruin your reputation and everything you’ve built just to play along to his whims?

“And you love him?” she asks.

Unconsciously, Lu Yao clutches back at Chusheng’s hand in his, a plea.

“I love and cherish him above all else,” Chusheng replies without the slightest bit of hesitation.

If Lu Yao ignores everyone else around them, he can almost believe Chusheng when he says that.

===

It’s a clusterfuck of epic proportions. Lu Yao is curled up on the couch in Chusheng’s room at the Bai manor, with his knees drawn up to his chest and his fingers pressing at his temple as he contemplates just how much trouble he’s in. Not only has he pissed off his sister, because he’s sure Chusheng is mad at him too.

Now that the anger at his sister and the Lu family has abated somewhat, Lu Yao is finally left alone in his thoughts as he marvels at how bold he was earlier.

He regrets it now of course, but damn, this is the first time he’s been able to pull one over his sister. As ridiculous as he was, Lu Yao manages to think through the consequences of his actions — mainly the possibility that his family will try to do anything and everything within their power to create trouble for Chusheng.

He’s already dealt Chusheng with such a heavy blow, and over his dead body will the Lu family hurt even a strand of hair on his head, Lu Yao vows.

The only other problem is Chusheng’s happiness in the future. Once the news of his sham marriage with Chusheng goes out, will women dare to approach him after? What if there’s a woman that Chusheng really, really likes right now, and Lu Yao has basically ruined everything for him?

Would Chusheng hate him?

So absorbed he is in his thoughts, his teeth gnawing lightly at his nails, that he misses Chusheng’s entry into the room until the man flops down right next to him on the couch. Lu Yao startles so much that he almost falls off the edge of his seat, if not for Chusheng’s fast reflexes.

“You are honestly…” Chusheng admonishes without heat, sounding absolutely tired.

“I’m sorry,” Lu Yao rarely apologizes and admits his wrongdoings, but here he is. “Lao Qiao, I’m so sorry, I swear I wasn’t thinking-“

“Did I spoil you too much?” the man sighs, leaning into his seat with his eyes closed. “That you would pull such a huge lie in front of your family and mine and think that I would, without question, play along?”

The phrasing is strange enough that Lu Yao knows Chusheng is really, really upset.

Panicked, he replies, “Lao Qiao, I- I’ll go and tell them that it was a lie. I just… I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking! I’ll tell Bai lao-ye that it’s a lie, that you’re helping me deceive my sister, so don’t-“

Don’t be angry with me, don’t ignore me, don’t hate me.

“Forget it. You made the announcement to more than 60 people today, San Tu. I just barely smoothed this over with lao ye-zi, and what’s done has been done,” Chusheng finally says, patting at Lu Yao’s shoulder. “We’ll figure this out tomorrow. You can take the bed, I’ll sleep on the couch.”

Other than the fact that Lu Yao doesn’t sleep well in new environments, the events of today have rattled him significantly, and with Chusheng lying on the couch surely awake as well, Lu Yao finds himself staring at the ceiling until dawn breaks.

Lu Yao knows he can fix this for Chusheng.

Can’t he?

===

“Inspector Qiao, congratulations!”

“Da-ge, congratulations! What kind of a brother are you huh, you got married and didn’t think to get us to throw a party for you?”

“Ahh… no wonder Detective Lu has been spending so much time with you recently. You hid it so well, lao-da!”

Chusheng has to be immensely thankful for the support from his brothers and the people who actually know him, like the owners of the snack stalls he frequents, even the newspaper boys that Chusheng regularly tips and everyone at the station. Telegrams start coming in from other precincts that are headed by several other members of the gang, and even some of the petty criminals that are stuck in the holding cell at the station for a few weeks give him their blessings.

Of course, while the people happy for him and Lu Yao actually number more than Chusheng expected, there are as many others who gossip and shoot him strange looks. He can almost hear the, look at him, such a fine young man, if not for his unconventional tastes in a partner.

By the end of the morning, Chusheng has unplugged all electronic communication devices in his office and the doors are firmly locked, with instructions to Salim to not let anyone in unless an entire village is on the cusp of imminent death.

He’s trying his best not to think too much about it. Chusheng meant what he said to Lu Miao before, that there isn’t much he can do for Lu Yao except to ensure that he will not suffer in silence. With the stunt Lu Yao pulled yesterday, this is the best Chusheng can do for him. For now, his strategy is to simply wait until everyone has forgotten that he and Lu Yao are married, and then…

And then what?

It’s not as if baitang is child’s play. Can he simple fake-divorce Lu Yao at the end of this? When will this end, in the first place? A year? Two years, a decade? And let’s say if they do manage that, will any proper and self-respecting woman even consider him?

Chusheng doesn’t have any prejudice against same-sex couples — back when he worked at the docks which saw an all-male staff, sometimes he heard stories about how some brothers would help each other out and find companionship in each other as well — but not everyone shares the same views as he.

At the thought, Chusheng calls, “Ah Dou.”

Ah Dou, who is patiently sorting through Chusheng’s actual work documents and the pile of congratulatory messages that came for him today, looks up from where he’s standing at the shelves.

“Get Liu Zi to send some brothers to protect Lu Yao,” he says with a frown.

That dumbass probably wouldn’t even notice if someone was intending to do him harm and with the way the gossip mill is running, it’s better to be safe than sorry.

And as for the future, possibly marrying a woman…

Chusheng shakes his head, clearing his mind of wishful thoughts.

For someone who doesn’t know if he can live to see the next day, who has blood all over his hands and is no good person at all, Chusheng has never expected to have his own family.

Not even Lu Yao should be tied down to him.

Salim pops his head through a small opening in the doors and asks, “Sir! Two congratulatory flower stands came for you, do you want me to set it up outside the office?”

Finally, Chusheng loses it.

“Anyone who makes another congratulatory remark can spend a night in jail!” he snaps. “What, do people not have anything better to do? I’m not fucking kidding. I don’t want to hear another message coming through the doors of the station, do you hear me?”

“Okay,” Salim replies a little dejectedly, closing the door shut behind him again.

Of course, his outburst and anger is what Lu Yao hears about a few hours later. Remorseful, he turns up at the station and sneaks into Chusheng’s office.

“… what’re you doing here?” Chusheng asks, looking up from his papers.

“Lao Qiao… I’m sorry,” he apologizes, biting at his lower lip. “I didn’t realize there’d be such a huge fuss over this.”

Lu Yao is the perfect picture of a sad, pitiful puppy, and Chusheng has all along doted on Lu Yao, so the image does tug at his heartstrings. As soon as the urge to comfort him comes, Chusheng frowns.

He’s got this all wrong. He’s the one who was wronged and taken advantaged of, so why does Lu Yao look like he’s the one being bullied?

Sighing, Chusheng kicks at the chair in front of him, signalling for Lu Yao to sit down.

“I’m not angry, San Tu. I would have appreciated some warning, and maybe we could have thought things through a little, but as I said last night, that’s all been done and we can’t turn back,” he points out.

“I’ll make it up to you,” Lu Yao swears, “I… I’ll take on all the cases you have while this marriage thing is going on for free? I can… I promise I won’t make you pay for any of my meals again, Lao Qiao. I… I won’t even hang around anymore outside of a case, just… just…”

At that, Chusheng finally laughs, and the sound is a huge relief for Lu Yao, who hasn’t heard him laugh since the shit that went down yesterday.

“I’ll hold you onto the first two then,” Chusheng says nonchalantly. “San Tu ah, what are you thinking? We’re brothers, are we not? You said before that you cherish the friends you have here and… it’s the same for me. If it’s something you want to do, or don’t want to do, I’m at your back ready to support you. For as long as this ruse has to last.”

“Even… if that means you’re in a gay relationship with me? Even if no woman would want to marry you after this?”

“Even then,” Chusheng nods. “I’m no good person to marry anyway.”

“That’s not true!” Lu Yao protests.

“Alright,” Chusheng waves him off. “I’ve already gotten earfuls from Youning and lao ye-zi for not treating you right, so… I guess since everyone thinks we’re married now, you need to move in to my apartment. Get Liu Zi to help you pack, and you really should move in as soon as possible.”

Lu Yao didn’t even think of that. As the implications of staying together with Chusheng sink in, he stiffens in his seat.

“What, you laid your claim on me first and now you’re being all shy about it?” snorts Chusheng, reaching over and poking at Lu Yao’s forehead. “I have an extra room, so don’t worry, husband.”

“Mnn,” Lu Yao nods at that, and his cheeks flush a little pink at the term. “I’ll go pack then.”

“And we have to do dinner at the Bai manor tonight!” calls Chusheng after him.

At the door, Lu Yao blanches.

===

They live together as friends from then on. Compared to Youning, Chusheng is the perfect roommate. At the very least, the likelihood of Chusheng setting something on fire is minimal, and the man’s house surprisingly suits Lu Yao’s tastes. As promised, there is enough space for them to have a bedroom each, and the storage room at the back turns into half a study for Lu Yao and his books.

Lu Yao decides that the least he can do is cook (and now that he has lost his source of income by offering to work for free, the only way he gets fed without having to pawn off his treasures is to ask for grocery money from Chusheng) for them both. When Chusheng realizes that Lu Yao is cooking regularly, he starts coming home early on a daily basis as well.

Bai Le Men and Chang San Tang are off-limits, unfortunately. For now, Chusheng is experiencing what it’s like to live as a monk, but the inconveniences stop there.

In fact, having Lu Yao in the same house as he has its perks, namely the ability to drag Lu Yao out of bed early in the morning for cases.

It’s their first case since the announcement and there is no lack of attention on them, as this is the first time they’re being seen out in public together. When some men in the crowd begin to focus on Lu Yao with less than friendly gazes, Chusheng naturally steps closer to him, his eyes steadily sweeping over the crowd.

He’s mine, he’s trying to say, if you’ve got anything you want to say you come at me.

They solve the murder two days later, and Lu Yao jumps in surprise when Chusheng slides three silvers over the top of the dining table, his usual payment for consulting on cases.

“What…”

“Save it,” Chusheng’s eyes crinkle a little as he smiles, “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you eyeing my wallet recently.”

Touched, Lu Yao feels hot tears come to his eyes, “Lao Qiao, I knew it, you’re the best to me-“

“Yeah, remember that the next time you try to use me to lie to your family. I don’t want you to spring an adopted child on me next,” Chusheng downs his wine, shaking his head.

Not as many changes happen after his fake-marriage to Lu Yao, much to Chusheng’s bewilderment.

On a usual day, it’s typical for him to buy breakfast, lunch or dinner for Lu Yao even before they began to live together. The only difference is that he’s going out to buy breakfast every day now before Lu Yao wakes up instead of every few days. Chusheng still chauffeurs him up and down, only the destination is no longer the apartment he shared with Youning, but Chusheng’s house.

Before this, he had Lu Yao’s cooking frequently too as the man would roll up his sleeves and cook for him and Youning at least one a week or every two weeks. They’re both slowly getting used to each other in close proximity, and the latest of developments involve them making grocery trips together every four days.

Everything else has stayed pretty much the same.

When Chusheng sees an imported coat made of high quality sheep’s fur as he passes by a store one day, he doesn’t even think much of it before he’s walking in and buying the expensive outerwear for Lu Yao. The price doesn’t even cross his mind. All he knows is that Lu Yao will like this.

He presents the bag to Lu Yao over dinner the same day, and Chusheng is right.

Lu Yao loves it so much that he leans over the table and presses a kiss to Chusheng’s cheek in excitement.

“What, are you really that happy?” Chusheng teases, but warmth fills him as he sees that he’s made the right choice.

“Of course I am! You know how scared I am of the cold,” Lu Yao points out, hugging the material to himself. “This material is known for trapping heat in!”

A few weeks later, Lu Yao ironically catches the flu bug despite how protected he is, and ends up bedridden with fever. To better take care of him, Chusheng lets Lu Yao rest in his bed so he doesn’t have to run between two rooms.

The bed sleeps two now, even after Lu Yao has made a full recovery. It feels less empty that way and both Chusheng and Lu Yao find themselves warmer under the covers sharing a bed.

As the weeks go by, they shift from having their own sides of the bed, to falling asleep and waking up in each other’s arms, their legs tangled together. Most of the time, Chusheng wakes to Lu Yao’s hair in his nose and his arm resting over Lu Yao’s waist.

And when Chusheng gets hurt by a rival gang involved in their latest case, Lu Yao tells the nurse outside the operating theatre that he’s Qiao Chusheng’s husband loudly. In the days after the operation. the nurses even bring an extra bed into the ward so Lu Yao can keep an eye on his husband.

The nurses and doctors, for one, think that their relationship is cute.

They even survive a trip to Hai Ning to visit Lu Yao’s father. Chusheng has to endure four separate shovel talks, each sounding more deadly than the previous one, but they get to announce their relationship to Lu Yao’s mother at her grave too.

On the train journey back, Lu Yao dozes off against Chusheng’s shoulder. He lifts up his arm to hug Lu Yao to him so he’s laying a bit more comfortably without question, enjoying the feeling of having Lu Yao in his hold.

===

A year after Lu Yao tried to con his way into matrimony with Chusheng, he returns home to an empty house, Chusheng not yet returned from the station. As Lu Yao passes the dining table for the kitchen to put his groceries away, a piece of paper and a metal trinket catches his eye.

It’s a marriage certificate. As real as it can be, with Lu Yao and Chushueng’s name on it.

The realization that they’ve been living just like a married couple in the past year hits him like a freight train and his legs feel weak.

Indeed, they are as real as any married couple existent in the country, minus the sex.

Of course Lu Yao loves Chusheng. There has never been any question about that. Chusheng is the only person Lu Yao truly cares about, more than he cares about himself.

Wherever he goes, I will go, even in death, he said then.

I love and cherish him above all else, Chusheng had answered.

With a small smile tugging at his lips, Lu Yao slides the gold band onto his fourth finger.

Busy at the stove making Chusheng’s favourite beef stew when Chusheng comes home later, Lu Yao is prepared when the man comes close, sliding his arms around his waist and pressing himself against Lu Yao’s back, his chin hooked on Lu Yao’s shoulder.

It’s not difficult to catch the gleam of an identical band sitting on Chusheng’s hand/

“Smells good,” Chusheng inhales deeply.

Lu Yao sets the spatula aside and covers the pot with a lid to let it simmer, and once he’s free, Chusheng turns him around and reaches for his lips.

They kiss softly as if they’ve done this countless of times, when it’s only their first, proper kiss, but it doesn't matter.

“Tomorrow,” Chusheng breathes, his forehead pressed against Lu Yao’s after they part finally for air.

“Let’s baitang for real in the ancestral hall.”

===

*baitang 拜堂 - Traditional Chinese wedding custom which involves three kowtows, there are variations but usually the couple kowtows to heaven & earth, to their ancestors, and then to their parents. Some baitangs will have the couple kowtowing to each other.

[mytastessuck]

Gorillaz: Humanz

SHere it is, the comeback tour! I was so excited for this album, I sucked all the singles that came out before I could download the album. This album basically reminded me of the reasons I love Gorillaz. All of them. One particular reason a little too well...

Okay, let's get the elephant out of the room. This album is a bit controversial among the community for playing a little too hard to one of Gorillaz' strengths: showcasing cool artists. There are more than a few tracks where Damon doesn't even show up. Hell, my favorite track doesn't even have it on him. Me, I honestly don't care about that as long as I get to hear good music but for the rest of you die hard Gorillaz fans? Just think of this as a compilation album like NOW That's What I Call Alternative/Indie Hip-Hop/R&B/Electronica/Pop.

See? Rolls off the tongue. Now let's get started.

1. Intro: I Switched My Robot Off

Nice. Real ominous. Gorillaz really know how to build up a presentation. Feels like you're walking through the doors of the doors to the Shrine of the Silver Monkey. Anybody remember Legends of the Hidden Temple? Were there doors on that stage? Anyway, awesome.

10/10

2. Ascension

Holy hell, Vince really knocks it out of the park on this one. Different beat, nice flow, social commentary...He was not fucking around on this track. Damon's barely on the track but Vince makes up for it with his existential rhymes and chorus back-up. Man, Gorillaz has gotta take advantage of gospel more often.

9/10

3. Strobelite

That didn't take long, did it? Anyway, this is my favorite song on the album. Peven has an incredible voice, the music psychically compels you to dance and...that's it. Sometimes, well usually with me, you just need to go with Simple Yet Awesome. Have a good voice and a good beat. This song has both and I'm pretty sure that one day, a scientist will hear this song and will be inspired by it to cure diabetes.

100/10

4. Saturn Barz

Ah, the lead single from the album. Remember the 360 house, everyone? Yeah, you remember. Glad to have Gorillaz welcome back Reggae into their line-up with Popcaan manning the helms. He and Damon tag-team the eardrums with the power of dread as the instrumentation makes you feel like you're in a haunted house. Welcome back, guys.

25/10

5. Momentz

WELCOME BACK, GUYS! De La Soul returns to say some real shit about time and how you should, respect and stuff. Seriously, awesome track. Kicks so much ass and you can even dance to it as you wonder if this MOMENT will be one of the last times when you feel really happy. Nice...

9/10

6. Interlude: The Non-Conformist Oath

Hey, Steve Martin! I like to imagine a bunch of assholes listening to this and...just not getting it. Not us though. We get it. We're smart. Smarter than those guys...

10/10

7. Submission

This song had to grow on me but years after I got the album and after I learned to appreciate Danny Brown a little more like all humans should, this song became one of my favorites off the album. Don't worry Kelela, he doesn't carry the whole song. Her voice is so beautiful that it can calm a charging rhino or a coked-up Connor McGregor. These make the song a lot classier than it had any right being.

90/10

8. Charger

She's beauty, she's Grace...she's also Jones. Man, I haven't heard from this woman since Corporate Cannibal and she has clearly been keeping up practice. God, how can a woman's laughter both scare and arouse me? Damon's no slouch on this track either, singing about the monster that keeps us all tethered: the charger. I kid, I kid. Hey, did Damon really get a boner on stage when he sung this or are you guys messing with me? Message me if you know.

9/10

9. Interlude: Elevator Going Up

On a recent trip, I tried to go up the elevator but it was card-activated so a desk lady had to help me. That's it.

8/10

10. Andromeda

Damon has to do the heavy lifting here and his muscles have not completely wasted away from lack of use. He tells us to take in our heart and you know what? I did. I took this song directly in my heart...and my playlist.

50/10

11. Busted And Blue

Yeah, this song is a bummer. A good bummer. It's Broken's younger brother who joined the army to make his parents proud after he couldn't get into university like his older brother who managed to form a separate family with his squad and began to think that maybe he was good enough after all before his squad gets bombed and, as he lies legless dying painfully on the ground, a blue butterfly land directly on his outstretched busted hand...

Directed by Mervyn LeRoy

10/10

12. Interlude: Talk Radio

You ever wonder how we get voices in machines? I know you think it's a complicated process but I know a dude who picked up the radio in his electric fan once. Think about it.

8/10

13. Carnival

Again, this song had to grow on me but one day, while I was thinking about Gamzee for a godforsaken reason, I thought "Geez, he talks about the Dark Carnival and the Dark Carnival isn't even some of ICP's best days. What's a good song about a carnival?" Anyway, Anthony can spin a person's mind and mind around just by singing. He's wild.

80/10

14. Let Me Out

Hey, wouldn't it be funny if Mavis was Vince's mother? She's not but that would be funny as well as cool. Her and Pusha T bang on the walls of this track as they rant about the politics at the time of this song. Yeah, they're talking about Trump. That car horn can't protect you forever, you orange bastard.

9/10

15. Interlude: Penthouse

Dear Penthouse: Hi. Does anyone check in on you, just you? I'm here to say I think you're important and you provide a necessary outlet for men to brag about being perverts. At least before the Youtube comment section existed.

Thanks for everything,

mytastessuck

8/10

16. Sex Murder Party

Ooooo, this track puts me in a funky mood. Like, there's a part but there's sex there...and MURDER. So you know it's an awesome party. Kick-ass, right? I know it's kick-ass. Keep dancing, people.

11/10

17. She's My Collar

Pretty sexy song. Gotta love people vauging about being used in a song. That's why we love Offspring, that's why we love Damon on his knees onstage. Hey, there was a post that said Noodle wrote this song about her girlfriend. That was an excellent post. Well done.

9/10

18. Interlude: The Elephant

I SAID GET OUT OF HERE, YOU BASTARD!

8/10

19. Hallelujah Money

Ah, the technical first single. Remember when they said that they weren't going to put this song on the album? Anyway, this is exactly the song we needed after The Incident occurred. Benjamin manages to calm down an entire populace while Damon just fearfully wonders what our future will be like...and he's in the UK. This song is one long terrifying lullaby to an entire country...until the end, anyway.

75/10

20. We Got The Power

A great way to remind listeners that no matter what's happening, no matter who's in charge, we have the power change everything. An excellent message for people who were still recovering from The Incident.

10/10

21. Interlude: New World

Okay, the bonus tracks. Should be nothing special here, right? Just some B-sides and I've never shown favoritism towards B-sides, right?

8/10

22. The Apprentice

A nice song from the same Rag n' Bone Man who brought us "Human". Zebra manages to lay down some nice rhymes as Ray BLK backs them both up with the force of her voice. These guys should form a team with how well they work together. Oh, they should make a virtual band! All they need to do is find an artist...

9/10

23. Halfway To The Halfway House

A very nice song if a bit overshadowed by the others on the album. Still, Peven can't be beat when it comes to crooning and he raises a song from a solid C to a B.

8/10

24. Out of Body

This song had to grow on me also but when it did...lord, this song is weird. Hypnotic suggestions, telephone tones, the song starts then Zebra jumps in to help then who is this person?! Why are people applauding?! Who are you people?! Why are there so many crows gathering outside my house?!

60/10

25. Ticker Tape

Well well well, look who's back. Damon returns with his old friend Kali to join the accuser of the vain Carly Simon to beg us to stay on the album. Sorry Damon, but I got places to do and people to go. There's nothing you can do to convince me to stick around after how long this album already is.

9/10

26. Circle of Friendz

Huh. Seems like a riot is going on. Weird for Gorillaz to get this real. What, this guy is just going to keep saying Circle of Friendz again and again? Is this supposed to affect me? Get real. It'll take a lot more than a nice voice and implications to...

To...

...

...Maybe I should listen to the album again.

11/10

Album score: 25/10

Damn, that took a while. Shouldn't be the case next week when we cover The Now Now. See you then!

[shannygoatgruff]

Grown & SeXY - Chapter 2

Header made by the talented @flowers-in-your-hayr​

For @youbloodymadgenius​​ for your 400 Followers Writing Challenge.  Congrats on your success!

Genre:  Romance/Comedy

Pairing:  Modern Ivar x Mature OC

Warning: Language/mild angst/Sexual content

Rating: M

Summary: A relationship between Generations X & Y will help this XX & XY learn a lot about themselves, each other, and love.  Cougar/cub relationships aren’t always just about a midlife crisis and arm candy.

A/N:  I got the concept for this story from a conversation I was having with @youbloodymadgenius​​.  I hope I do it justice.  This story is for you!

Chapter 2

Biiiiiitch!  Where have you been?  I’ve been IMing you but you been ducking me like I’m the IRS. Shit, I’m surprised we talking now - you mad at me or something?  Did somebody tell you that they heard some shit about you from me?  Because they were fucking lying. I wouldn’t do that. You know I don’t like all that gossip shit and I'm not one to put all people's business out on Front Street, like that.

So, girl, I need to holler at you about something right quick. What the hell is up with the non-disclosure agreement I sent you? Cause I damn sure didn’t get a signed copy back in my mailbox. Now, maybe I’m the slow bitch in the class, but it seems to me that there are a few more people in on our private meeting than just us, like we had previously discussed. 

Now, I’m not saying that you said something, but I know I sure as hell didn’t. So, if I was over here keeping my sexy ass mouth shut  (cause that how a bitch do) and you haven't said shit either, then who the fuck else is talking? You know, I bet it was probably those same bitches that were running around saying that they heard that I was talking shit about you. I tell you, people today ain't about shit. Well, fuck them.

Just so you know, I didn't call you to try to check you or anything. I called to try to catch you up on this grown and sexy shit cause bitch you are hella behind. Okay...I told you about how Marisol was at the club and met this fine ass little young boy at the bar, who turned out to be her high school BFF’s little brother, right? Did I tell you about how Marisol’s son and King Ding-A-Ling hate each other or how they met up at a party at his daddy’s house? Shit bitch, what do you know? I feel like I’m starting this shit all over at the beginning, again! Seriously hooker, keep up because before I can get into this shit, I have to set the scene. 

So, you need all the dirt on Ivar’s family so moving forward you know what the fuck I’m talking about when I just start dropping shit on you like Pearl Harbor.  Believe me, hon-ty when I tell you, these motherfuckers got some Telenovela, Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal type shit with them. 

Alright now, let me start with his parents. You ever see a really attractive man and you figure, his daddy must have been cute when he was younger? Well, that’s Ivar’s daddy, Mr. Ragnar Lothbrok – or as I like to call him, Dick Daddy Yo.  

Now, child, Dick Daddy is fine as a motherfucker. And, I’m not talking regular run-of-the-mill attractive for a man in his late 50s – early 60s, who was probably knocking down everything back in the day, type of fine, either. No Queen - I’m talking, this motherfucker could get it TODAY, immediately, right now, if he asked for it. Shit, bitch, quiet as kept, he wouldn’t even have to ask. All he would have to do is set those baby blue eyes in my direction, and I would hand him the drawers.

So, back in the day, when they still lived in Norway, Dick Daddy married this total dime piece named Lagertha. When I tell you she was a bad bitch, I mean she was a Bad Bitch!  Shit, she still bad to this day thirty-some years later.  She was built, blond and beautiful, plus that bitch could box. I don’t know what kind of thug shit they taught her over there in the old country where they came from, but this broad was like Ronda Rousey out there in those Kattegat streets.  

Anyhoo, when Lagertha and Ragnar got married, she found out that Ragnar had that Super D and she knew she wasn't going to be able to keep all that good dick to herself because he liked to sling it all over town. So she told him to go do his dirt, but he better brings his fine ass home to her every night. Of course, he was all like, cool, he could have a dime piece at home and get cutty on the side…alright, bet!  

Well, honey, next thing you know, he gets hooked up with this fatal attraction type, funny looking broad named, Aslaug. Girl, Aslaug gets dickmatized and follows Ragnar around like a puppy, and the next thing you know he had to figure out how to bring a whole ass side-chick home to his dime piece wife. He must of came back with some shit like, “Baby, you know that girl Aslaug can cook and she’ll do that thing that you don’t like to do…you know cause she a freak…so really, it’s a win-win for us both.”  

So, I figure dude’s dick must have been dipped in platinum, because Lagertha was like, “Whatever, Dick Daddy,” cause the next thing you know all three of them are living together and these two bitches were sister-wives.  

Chile! But, here’s where the shit gets juicy!  Ooh, girl! The whole time Ragnar was out there in them streets, Lagertha’s sexy ass was knocking over his brother, Rollo, and word around the campfire is, one of them kids ain’t really Ragnar’s…biiiiiitttttttch! I can't make this shit up!

So anyway, by the time all those damn babies came all 50/11 of them moved here to that big blue house at the end of Greenwich, you know the one with the big ass fence front and the nice pool? The one that the young people always have all the parties at...yeah, that one well, that’s where they still live.  

Now onto the kids. Honey, Ragnar has five maybe six kids that he’s claiming. I'm sure it's more out there, but I'm telling you about the ones I know about. First, you got the two he has with Lagertha; that’s Bjorn, and Gyda (that’s if don’t think Bjorn is Rollo’s son).  But what the hell, I’ll take “Let’s Pretend That Bjorn Is Ragnar’s Kid” for $200, Alex…  

So, Bjorn is the oldest of all of the kids. And what can I say about BJ?  BJ is fucking…girl, he’s just fucking. He’s fucking any and everything. That man. Jesus jumped up.  He’s about 6’3”, 250lbs, muscular, blond, these piercing blue eyes. This smile…strong jawline. He has these hands, right? These hands that you know could just grip you right up under your ass cheeks and hold you up against a wall, and these arms…gurl, make me want to faint like a white woman! Hmm.  

BJ reminds me of Ragnar. Hell, all those kids remind me of him in some way, but Bjorn oozes sex like Ragnar. I don’t know what it is, but watch your uterus around him. If you stand too close to BJ, your pussy is liable to jump in his back pocket and you won’t even notice that it’s gone.  

BJ has a shit-ton of kids though and has been married like 150 times. I don’t know what it is, but he finds these blonde women, fucks them, marries them, has 20 babies with, and then gets divorced. He’s a shitty husband, but I bet you he’s a fire ass lay. 

Then there’s Gyda, we call her Da-Da. She’s just beautiful. Whew. She got those looks from both of her parents.  It is honestly painful to look at her. She’s the charming side of Ragnar. The side that’ll have you naked and buying her ass a house and a car before the waiter finishes taking your order on the first date.  It’s a good thing she’s a nice person because if she was an evil bitch, there’s no telling what she would be up to. She’s another tall one, with blonde hair and blue eyes. But, she’s built like her mother. This bitch looks like she needs to be holding a fundraiser where she’s wearing clear heels, in a strip club, called Twerking For Jesus or some shit.

Now, if those two gorgeous kids weren’t enough to make everyone else in the world jealous of how good the D and the seed were from Ragnar, he had to go and spread it around some more with that weird bitch, Aslaug. They have four boys; Ubbe, Hvitserk, Sigurd, and Ivar. I don’t know how those boys ended up being so fine because Aslaug’s ass is not what I would call attractive. But, they got Ragnar’s genes and miracles never cease to amaze me.  

All, but one, of them can get it any day.    

Let’s start with Ubbe. It’s a long story, I don’t remember the particulars, but he’s known around the way as, Weebae. I can’t remember if it’s because he was small when as a baby, or because he used to cry all the damn time.  But, whatever the case, if you hear a motherfucker asking for Weebae, they talking about Ubbe. Anyway, Wee is Ragnar’s twin. That child looks like Ragnar just spit him out on the street, only I don’t know where in the fuck he got his personality, cause Ragnar ain’t that fucking nice and Aslaug is a fucking cunt.  

Have you ever met somebody that’s so damn nice, that they seem like a bitch ass?  Like they are just softer than a motherfucker? Somebody that constantly lets people run over the top of him all the damn time and you just want to be like, yo you’s a giant whore! Well, that’s Wee. If he wasn’t so damn sexy, I would be like you soft, brah…get your punk ass away from me. But seeing as how fine he is, I’m like…bring your sensitive ass over here and let me make it all better, with your sexy self. Cause, you know, Mama loves the sensitive ones.

Who’s next? Oh, yeah, the next one is Hvitserk. I know it’s a fucked up name, but no one calls him that. They call him Boobie. Why do you ask? Because Boobie loves titties. I swear that boy was trying to get everybody to breastfeed him since he was born. The bigger a woman's boobs, the more Boobie is into her. But he's such a freaking cutie pie! He doesn’t look like Ragnar to me, but he reminds me of him in that way where as long as he can fuck and eat, he doesn’t give a fuck about much else. He’s the type that never has the same job or girlfriend for too long. He just goes with the flow and stays around until he gets bored.  

Now Boobie favors Ragnar but not as much as some of the other kids.  He’s got this cute baby face, with this sandy blonde hair and these pretty green eyes, like Aslaug.  When you see him, you just want to pinch his cheeks on his face and his ass.  And because he seems like such a little lost puppy, you just want to take him home, and take care of him…maybe tie him up to your bed and ride his ass like he’s Budweiser Clysdale in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, too.     

Then there’s Sigurd…oh, Siggy. I call him, Brother Useless. He got all of Aslaug’s genes. It must be hard to look like Sigurd when you are born into that family. To be below average looking when you have extraordinarily attractive siblings, how does one go one with life?  By being a giant dick, that’s how.  Siggy fucking sucks donkey balls. He irks my fucking life. Siggy and I have history, outside of this little tale, and believe me he’s a dick in those stories, too.  

Anyway, he looks just like his mama with facial hair.  It’s really quite unfortunate. He reminds me of one of those Muppets off of the Dark Crystal. When I first found out that he was one of Ragnar’s sons, my first response was, I know you fucking lying! They should have just thrown the whole damn child away. See, Ragnar, that’s what happens when you go slumming with a funny looking chick…you get a funny looking kid with a fucked up personality.  God don't like ugly...

But He redeemed your good name with Lil' Man. Oh, my sweet Ivar.  This boy looks nothing like either of his parents but is the total embodiment of his father. Ivar is sexy. No, let me rephrase that for the bitches in the back...I said, IVAR IS SEXY. Bitch, I don’t know if there is even a word to describe the level of attractiveness this little bastard has. I don’t know if it’s that life-altering smile, or the dark hair and pale blue eyes. Shit, it could be that intense stare he has or those arms…or it could be that chest or maybe it’s that ass that you just want to bite and those lips that make you just want to sit on his face. Whatever it is about him, that boy makes you tingle in the most unladylike of places.  

Now, when Ivar was born, something was wrong with him and he needed an operation. He was fine afterward, but Aslaug’s dramatical ass was acting like he was on his damn death bed and treated him like he was Samuel L. Jackson in Unbreakable. So, naturally, he grew up spoiled as shit. So now, this child don’t know how to do shit. He thinks everybody supposed to hand him everything, just because he’s cute.  

Honey, short of my number and panties, he gonna have to work for everything else like everybody else.  But see, you can’t tell fine, muscular, spoiled ass, motherfuckers, with beautiful eyes, killer smiles, nice hair, and that smell good all the fucking time that they’re not special. Oh, no, because they will try to prove you wrong. At least he finished college and doesn’t have any kids. But if his ass would get a job…Sorry, I’m skipping ahead.  

Okay, so you have the background on the family.  Now check out how this shit went down...

Being in the Lothbrok house brought back a ton of memories for Soli. She had spent a good part of her adolescence there with her best friend, Gyda.  The two of them had countless sleepovers, movie marathons, and of course their love of all the teenage heartthrobs of the 80s and 90s. Teen Bop, Tiger Beat, and 17 Magazines fed their obsessions for Kirk Cameron, Corey Haim, Mark-Paul Gosselaar, and Mario Lopez. I was always a Joey Lawerence girl myself, but that’s neither here nor there.

That was until that one time the two of them got into this huge fight over who was going to marry Justin Timberlake. But then Bjorn told them that he thought Ryan Philippe was the same person and the girls realized that they did look a lot alike. So, Soli took JT and Gyda took Ryan, and they all lived happily ever after.  

As she accepted the glass of champagne from the tray, Soli looked around the hallway leading out to the patio. It was amazing how different the house looked now. Since the remodel nothing was where she had remembered. The living room used to be to the left of the hallway, and there had been a large formal dining room to the right. They also used to have a huge kitchen right behind the dining room and then the family room sat just behind there, with the entrance to the back yard. It was always a good-sized house, but the way it was cut up, with these weird doorways and walls in the most awkward of places, it always felt cramped, especially with so many people living there.  

But this? The open concept floor plan, no walls to obstruct the view...spacious, huge windows, lots of sunlight...it was gorgeous! Lothbrok Designs, LLC did one hell of a job. Everything from the floor plan to the decor was beautiful. Maybe Soli could get them to hook her up discount and do some work around her house.

“Hey there! I thought I saw you,” Gyda smiled walking over to Marisol with her arms out. “Oh Sonni, you look so good! I still can’t get over how you haven’t aged a bit. And girl, that body!”  

Soli spun around in a circle to give her friend the full view. Even she had to admit, the off the shoulder, floral printed, Boho, maxi-dress looked damn good on her. Especially the way the soft pink color played with the beautiful warm tones in her toffee-colored skin. And honey, she was rocking this split that came all the up the front of the dress to the bodice, that would have been showing all of the church's business if it wasn't for that little white chiffon underdress thing. Honey...forty where? She was a banger and she knew it. “Well, you know forty is new twenty. I didn’t get to do my twenties right because I had Mani, but now I'm single and I'm ready to mingle! And you, Diva…”

“Well, thanks. You know...I get it from my Mama." Gyda did a little shimmy and laughed. "Thank you so much for coming. It’s so good to have you back in town. I know my parents are excited to see you again.” She looked around the room and waved at a guest who was walking by, “Everyone was excited that you said you were coming.”  

Everyone? Why did Gyda say it like that? Soli was excited to catch up with the family, too, but damn. Soli knew that little cutie Ivar was going to be there, but that was nothing. A little innocent eye flirting at the bar a couple of weeks ago didn't mean anything. She hadn't seen or thought of that boy since. And she wasn't thinking about him today...well, not that much, anyway.

“Da-Da,” A gorgeous older blond man came up to Gyda and placed a soft kiss on the side of her head, before turning his attention to Soli. “No, you can’t be…Marisol Peña? The young lady I saw as much as my daughter growing up?” Ragnar walked over to Soli and wrapped her in a warm hug.

Soli chuckled and shook her head when she felt his hands linger at her waist a second longer than they should have. “Oh, Mr. Lothbrok,” Soli she patted him lightly on the chest taking a half step back to take in that beautiful smile, “Oh, it’s been too long. You still look good.” She smiled, feeling his hands slowly move down her side to now rest on her hips.

“And you still are as beautiful as ever,” he said leaning in toward her to talk to her. He had always had this strange way articulating certain words and sometimes he would get uncomfortably close when he would talk to people. Gyda used to get embarrassed because her father would get all up on her friends when he spoke to them, but Marisol always thought it was kind of sexy the way he would breathe on her when he talked.  

She felt herself being hypnotized momentarily by all that sexy, but she quickly regained her senses. “Mr. Lothbrok,” she tutted keeping a careful eye on him as he slowly walked around her in a circle with a sly grin on his face, “I see you're still as smooth as ever.” 

It was fluid the way Ragnar brushed his face next to Soli’s ear to whisper in his sexy accent, making the tendrils of hair tickle her neck, “Ragnar.”  

"Ragnar," she giggled. He was still a DILF, even after all these years.

“Ragnar?”  A feminine voice called causing everyone to turn toward a tall strawberry-blonde in flowing green empire dress standing at the patio door, “Come, lunch is ready and we will have cake.” For as tall and thin as she was the dress did nothing for her. A hottie like Lagertha could have pulled it off, but not her. Although, the navy blue and dark green embroidery did accentuate the red in her hair and her green eyes.    

Soli’s eyes widened as she turned to Gyda, devastated. “Is that Aslaug?” she whispered.  As they all began walking through the house toward the backyard she found herself laughing at the expression on Gyda's face. “Bitch, shut up.” Oh, they had so much to catch up on. 

Judging by how good Aslaug looked, she had had some work done. She was still funny looking, but she looked a whole hell of a lot better than she did when Soli knew her.  

Time seemed to fly by for Soli as she sat in backyard eating, laughing, and drinking with her childhood friend. She had forgotten how much she missed Gyda. But being with her and the family, it felt like they never missed a beat.  She even sat at the table reserved for Ragnar's kids and had no problem catching up with each one of them. Oh, the gossip she found out about sitting there.

For example, Weebae was married to BJ's ex-wife, Torvi, who left BJ with four children and is now having a baby with Bae. And you know the crazy thing is all of them are still talking like nothing ever happened? Or how about this, apparently something happened between Siggy and Ivar - no one is talking about what it is yet, but the two of them don't talk. They can be sitting at the same table and won't utter two words to each other. And did you know that none of the brothers knew why Soli and Gyda fell out all those years ago? I know, but that ain’t my place to say, so done tucked that one way down deep in my bra, honey. All I know is I could write a whole other story about this damn family’s shenanigans alone!  

“Man, I wish I could remember that!” Siggy laughed throwing his napkin on his plate.  “I would have loved to see the look on Bae’s face!” He gently nudged his brother’s arm as he continued to make fun of him.  

Ubbe shook his head and lowered his eyes as the stain of blush colored his cheeks, “I can’t believe that was you,” he said to Soli, “I remember running through the house naked, but I never remembered why.”  

Soli smiled around her glass of wine, trying her best to ignore the incredibly attractive younger man sitting next to her. "I remember why. I remember that little birthmark on your ass, too."

Gyda laughed putting the last of her spoonful of cake in her mouth. “Oooh, Beege, do you remember that time we were playing Van Damme and you ended up in the emergency room?” 

Bjorn rolled his eyes and tried to cover his brow with his hand, “Of course I remember!  How could I forget?” He started rubbing his inner thigh at the memory.  He looked around the table at all of his brothers’ faces who were rapted with excitement, smiles already plastered on their faces, dying to hear the story.  “So, I might have been about 13, Da-Da and Soli might have been around 11 or so. Anyway, we used to always watch Daddy's Jean-Claude Van Damme movies. I was obsessed - he was a total bad-ass to me. We had no business watching them because they were rated R and too violent for us to be watching, but we didn't care. And after the movies, we always would play Van Damme and act out our own scenes but do all the karate moves we just saw.”

“But, he always thought he automatically got to be Van Damme because he was a boy, and he always tried to make me the stupid female sidekick. I wanted to be the badass female Van Damme, ya know?" Soli said rolling her eyes.

“Wait, where was Da-Da?”  Ubbe asked.

“I always wanted to be the bad guy,” Gyda shrugged, “What? It was fun.”  

"Yeah, we used to whip her ass, "Soli laughed, “So, this one day BJ and I got in this big argument about who should get to be Van Damme in our reenactment. Of course, he thought he should be because he’s a boy, and I said that I should be because I could do the split. You remember the splits he used to do, right?” She looked around the table and watched everyone nod.

That is, all except one, “No…he’s the guy with that show on HULU now, right?” Ivar asked, turning in his chair so that his outstretch leg brushed Soli’s shin under the table. “He used to do action movies?”

Rolling her eyes at the absurdity of the question, Soli reached into her small clutch bag and pulled out her phone. “I keep forgetting you’re a child. Of course, you don’t know anything about Jean-Claude Van Damme.  When were you born, like 6 months ago?” She quickly found a picture of the Van Damme split online and handed her phone to Ivar. 

“So, in the movie Double Impact, he did the split when he had his legs on these chairs and his pelvis was suspended between them…I knew I could do it. I had been taking gymnastics since I was six. But BJ, thought because he was a boy he was naturally superior.”

“Oh God, Beege…what happened?” Hvitserk asked popping open another beer.

“The chairs moved, man.” Bjorn said sadly, “Daddy had to take me to the hospital.  My nuts twisted; sprained my dick.” He tried to hold back his laugh but listening to how funny his brothers found his childhood misfortune made Bjorn laugh, too. “Never played Van Damme again.”

“And you never bet against me again, that’s for sure.” Soli felt Ivar’s hand brush against the side of hers and when she turned to face him he was handing back her phone. She noticed that when he leaned over toward her that the first two buttons of his classic white button-down shirt were undone, exposing his thick neck, and collarbone to her. Would it be rude if she tried to get a peek down his shirt? She didn't think so. What was rude was him smelling like a clean ocean breeze or wearing that damn white shirt against his tanned skin. 

Ivar put the phone in her open palm and closed his hand around hers. The hint of a smile started with one corner of his mouth and as his tongue darted out of his mouth and started worrying the bottom corner of the lip. 

“So, um…you can do that split, huh?” There it was. That come sit on my face smile. She had to watch out for this little bastard.

“Yep and  I can do it on a handstand,” she whispered back, and winked at him, pursing her lips to keep herself from smiling. God, this kid was so damn cute, but she shouldn't be flirting with him, even if it was who she was by nature. He was too young. It was too wrong. He was too sexy. She hadn’t had sex in a very long time.  This was tricky. She knew the family.  He had muscles. “Close your mouth there, Baby Ivey.” She patted his shoulder feeling the striations under her fingertips. That was another thing, she had to stop touching him!

“Hey Mom,” Soli’s son, Mani walked over to the table she was sitting at wearing a nice pair of jeans and a white t-shirt. She had made him promise to drop by for a minute, just to say hi to some of her childhood friends before he went to a party of his own. The things he did for that woman.  

“There’s my Baby Boy!” Soli said, standing up. “Mani, I want you to meet my second family when I was growing up. This was my best friend, Gyda, and her brothers Bjorn, Ubbe, Hvitserk, Sigurd, and Ivar.” She gestured her hand to each person as she said their names. “Everyone, this is my son, Miguel.”  

Ivar smiled and stood up, offering his hand to shake, “I remember you from school. Cartoon Boy, right?”

Mani’s posture stiffened and his warm brown eyes hardened almost instantly, “I don’t remember Jock Strap.” Mani had hated Ivar since they were in high school. Even as a teenager he thought Ivar Raganarsson was a dick. He was an entitled asshole who thought the world owed him something. He had walked around that school like he was the shit and because Mani was younger, smaller and didn’t play sports, Ivar just fucking sucked toward him. He never bullied him, but he always acted like Mani was beneath him.  

Well, fuck Ivar and his big ass beaver teeth smile…got on his fucking nerves. Mani turned his attention to the rest of the table. “It was nice to meet all of you, but I have another engagement. I just stopped by to drop something off to my mom.” 

“Excuse me,�� Soli said getting up from the table. She was ready to punch Mani in the throat. She had specifically told him that when he came to the house not to say anything insulting to Ivar. And if she had to listen to one more minute of how much Mani hated Ivar she was going to scream. Since she told him about that first time seeing him at the bar all she had heard was how much of an asshole Ivar had been in high school and how he stole the lead in the school play Mani’s sophomore year. Did she care? Not at all. Mani was 22 years old now and he was still holding a grudge about something that happened when he was 15.  

She walked back into the house with her son following him to the front door. The fake she was forcing was hurting her face. “What the fuck was that, Mani?”

“You see him with that Fuck Boy Ricky hairstyle? I swear Mom, he’s a total Dickbag.” Mani rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, “And you're friends with his people? That's a whole new level of douchery, even for you, Mom.”  

“Oh my, God…I’m not. Not right now.” She got on her tiptoes to kiss her son on the cheek. “Have fun tonight. I love you.”

“I’m telling you, watch that fucktard.”

"Get out," Soli pushed her son out of the door and sighed. This was reason number 4,037 why she never dated. Mani hated and had something to say about everyone. Not saying that she wanted to date Ivar or anything, but just saying that Mani had a problem with every male that she was even friendly with. It was hopeless. Her ex-husband was going to be the last man she’d ever have sex with.  Oh, the humanity of it all...

Soli walked back to the family table with a fresh glass of wine and sat back with a smile as she watched the siblings pose for their family photos.  The pictures were going to be gorgeous - they were a beautiful family. There were so many photos being taken, too. There were poses of Ragnar, both his wives, all of his children, and grandchildren. Even the photos of the divisions of the families were beautiful. But the most captivating thing to Soli was that Ivar was the photographer.  

He was so patient and genuinely seemed to be having a good time doing it.  He was a natural. He laughed as he directed his family and smiled a huge, smile with every picture he took. He was engaging and extremely creative. Looking at him, she would have never have guessed he had an artistic side to him. When Soli realized that she had a full-blown smile on her face watching Ivar and not the family she shook her head and grabbed her phone for a distraction. 

Taking a sip of wine, she checked her text messages and almost choked. There as only one missed message and it was from a number that she didn't recognize. He must have called himself on her phone to get her number. 

She couldn't stop the big ass smile from spreading across her face as she read:

‘Splits and handstands?  I💓 gymnastics! ~ Baby Ivey’

So, girl, that’s what happened with that. Don’t worry, we are about to get into the good shit, I promise. I'm telling this story honey and bitch I'm building suspense.  

I'll talk to you later girl. And next time, I ping you, answer your girl. Don’t be screening me like I’m that dude at the club that you trying to get rid of.  

Chapter 1

Tags:  @youbloodymadgenius​​ @idea-garden @kol--mikaelson​​ @mooniemouse​​ @didiintheblog​​ @waiting4inspiration​​ @tempt-ress​ @where-beauty-goes-to-die @crazyaboutmotleycrue​​ @oddsnendsfanfics​​ @geekandbooknerd​​ @ivarthebloodyking​​ @honestsycrets​​   @xbellaxcarolinax​​  @zuxiezendler​​ @inforapound​​​  @a-mess-of-fandoms​​

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

This is me and they added a "voice hinder" to purify the sound and we used teeth and nose pieces so I looked like her.

In Promise of a New Day you'll see i kept my hair down and you don't get a clean shot of Mark's face.

Because we stole children from kidnappers and replaced them with their parents, we tried to remain unknown. Just a person in the background.

So most videos i am in, yoh can't quite recognize me as we did a temporary change so i could just go plain and untouched up in real life I wouldn't need camouflage. It was easier that way.

It did kind of make me sad i would always be unknown and someone else would take credit for my work. Because of evil people in the world. It seems they always got their way, but not me.

At any rate, my voice was heard and people did oay to hear it, which would make you think would make me feel good. But it didn't. I just gave the money away (although Michael Jackson did invest it for me -- i still didn't have it) so it impacted my feelings that i was worthless and no one cared what I had to say. Or that i was a liar, allowing others to say what i felt, knowing they didn't and could never clearly quite understand me. The true me. And i wished people could feel my sadness just for me. To know how i felt worthless, i couldn't even have a family. Not a mom nor dad nor pa. No one. Just me. I really truly had no one. Just myself. When i thought of it that way. I felt power. I felt I could do things. Not relying on anyone was ajd is true power. No one could tell me otherwise. I decided. So i was Number One. One wasnt the loneliest number. I and only I could be Number One. And i would get to work! And save other people's children.

But how? I was ruthless. I couldn't be a beggar. I couldn't ask how I was doing. I had to KNOW. I had to KNOW myself. I had to KNOW ME. I had to have that power to thrust myself into the world and take it over.

But how? What did i need most? People at home with their families. People next to me on the couch to keep my spirits up.

NO!!! I HAD NO ONE. JUST ME. NO ONE ELSE. ONLY ME FOR NOW. Until the Conclusion. Just me.

Only me forever now. No one else.

Privacy and dominance. But how? I can take over the world. I Cleopatra. Must! Or it would not be saved.

I can't save anything, not my husband or my kid..

NO. I'm not saving anything! I'm taking over! Move! Get out the way! Now it's my land! Indians! (Native Americans) Sit! You stay! You live there? Don't move! Okay you can move but you don't leave. Wait. Do you want to live someplace else? I can help. But not today

Power and dominance. I have the power, that is I. I a the power of the world.

Move! Don't move! Who cares? Home! Now where is home. Home is what is needed. Home is where the heart is. Home is love. Hearts are love. That's all,we need then.

Step One: give all Humans a home of their own.

Step Two: take over the world

No, wait. That is a pre-requisite.

World Dominance. No. I'm being dominated.

Be until-dominated

Huh.

That shouldn't be step one? What the fuck here...

I should have all this done before people get their houses.

Oh well. This is the aftermath.

Steps 2 through 1 million: HELL for myself.

H E double hockey sticks

May be at one point I'll get Mark back. And the son!

The sun! Hmmm i wonder what i could do with that... Could it explode? Check on that. That could be bad.

Man I got to make this list right. New paper...

Okay self goal...

Oh right. First i need Privacy. Then I'll need Dominance. Is dominance power? I'll have to ask my dad uncle. But I don't think so. I think you can have power and leave people the Hell alone. I'll include both just in case I'm right.

Lets see here.

People in Homes then they will Learn Love.

There that's done. My life's goalzzzzz.

Then i can rest and May be enjoy something of my future. I'm only 12! No 13. So I'm let's see... What am I? 7 less. 6.

World Dominance at 6 years of age. This is nutty.

Cleopatra I guess it is then

Lets watch MTV, see if I am on.

....

In the year 2020 i own 76% of the Earths land and 94% of the Earths Oceans, Lakes, Seas and Rivers.

I'm 35. My friends and family own the rest.

I own 72 mortgage companies. I can take your house and your land at any time. I own Selene Finance one of the world's biggest that buys foreclosure mortgages.

All the mortgage companies that i own will start charging 0% interest rates on all home loans. We will not advertise, your payment will remain the same in the paper bills but online it will decrease by the interest change. Then in 4 months we will no longer mail paper bills. Or make phone calls if you're late. This will counter balance the decrease in money. As we put our employees in a different position doing something more lucrative at a promoted rate of pay.

Do please continue to pay your mortgages and look online to see the amounts you owe. It will also save you a stamp or cost you the price of and envelope if you insist to mail a check.

Insurance rates for homes and autos that i own will decrease by 72%

The General. Allstate. Liberty Mutual. American Modern.

Be one of our customers within the next 6 months and you'll enjoy these savings for life as They go by your social security number.

Otherwise the decrease from the original pricing will be 36% for 6 months then 20% thereafter.

No more than a 2% increase on your rates if you are ib an auto accident, guaranteed. 2.2% if you have full coverage which i recommend as the prices are very similar within 10% per month capped at $10 difference. And we will pay for your car AND theirs if you totally trash it. Otherwise liability only pays for theirs and it's a waste of money for you. And within 2 months of today, 2.16.2020 we will discontinue carrying liability for our auto insurance.

But you can price check at other companies such as Progressive which I traded Jesse James for American Home for. Which then rebranded to American Family then American Modern. American Modern Family if you kept up. ;) They also offer car and motorcycle and include flood insurance so you don't need to purchase an additional policy. Mortgage such as Wells Fargo don't notice that every year So call us or your insurance broker and we/they will rip them a new ass hole to stick their head in that notifies them there's flood insurance IN the policy so you don't have to pay more.

I wanted American Home because that's what I had and i got it because of the flood insurance and obviously Wells Fargo wouldn't read that inclusion. And i really liked it. So we cover motorcycles too now

In case y'all West Coast Chopper lovers want a discounted rate and just one policy for your home and auto. --it is seperated because mortgage usually pays insurance but one website shows you all. So it's easier to remember what you've done in life.

Gerber, Globe, United Mutual and Town Home life insurances are all discounted at 60% for life.

Business owners with my insurances with no claims in the last 6 years (2014) will see surprise discounts in the future.

World Dominance. See you There. I will make it. That. I know i will. Hopefully Mark will make it to his skin... Till then... I know he's thinking of y'all.

I wrote and sang this song to him.

And yes when i was 19 i shaved my head. This was a bald cap and wig. He was dead 9 months. So this song is my baby. And watching it on MTV produced my goals and depression. And my need to crawl out of the shame the evil side of the world had put me in.

I never felt shame again. I knew the real Sinead O'Conner wouldn't let me. So I didn't either.

Sinead. Here's to you. The real me and how you made me feel and see myself.

Every one thank Her for my Goal of World Dominance.

To the real woman who played my spirit, Tasha. Thank you for allowing yourself to be my voice to be heard around the world. Nothing compares to that. Thank all of you woman whom did, have and will.