#6.8K words is like 3 times what i meant to write

[imfoive]

The Youngest Son - Chapter 10 | END

Minho x Reader (fem.) Genre: non-idol au!, Suspense, Angst, Romance, Mature Warnings: tw-descriptions of car accident, mentions of blood, cursing, attempted m*urder, implied death, somewhat proofread WC: 6.8k A/N: I literally can't believe this series has finally come to an end. I had such fun creating this word, the characters and the story. I truly hope everyone who read this, enjoyed it as much as I liked writing it! Feedback is always welcome, enjoy! ── MASTERLIST

Synopsis: The youngest son of the Lee family was stubborn, he was arrogant, he was conniving. Hiding it all behind the mask of a calm and collected man, the youngest son was a master at mind games. Playing a dangerous game where trust is a luxury and betrayal lurks around every corner. He had sworn once, to not let family ties or any feelings hold him back. Yet, against all odds, she had him completely wrapped around her fingers, and he had no desire to break free.

Missed a chapter? - Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 / Chapter 7 / Chapter 8 / Chapter 9

CHAPTER 10 ───────────────────

The youngest son had never known what a life of normalcy would look like. Not having to double, triple-think about what to say, what to do. Not having to distinguish what those expression on the faces of his so-called family members meant, were not things Minho had ever thought about.

The youngest son had always lived with his eyes peeled open. His gaze sharp, his actions calculated.

His heart, guarded.

The chairman’s lessons were engraved in his mind. Love has no place in business. Love was distracting, it hinders one’s ability to think with a sound mind, unbiased. A conniving businessman didn’t need those useless emotions.

The youngest son didn’t know what love was, he had never cared to find out. Yet he found himself already drowning in it even before he could realize.

Lee Minho had started to dream of normalcy.

The night he kissed Y/N the first time.

Perhaps even back when he drank that salt-laced water.

The loud bass of the music, bounced off his ear drums, vibrating the very ground he stood on. The vibrant colors, bright against the dark of the club.

His eyes scanned for just a few moments before he was drawn to her figure. Like a moth to a flame, hypnotized by her. He stood rooted to his spot, unable to look away, no matter how much his mind told him to leave. He was stuck.

Like an insect in a spider web. One she had intricately woven around him as she broke down his walls.

And deep down he knew he had no intentions of trying to break free.

The birthday girl swayed to the music, eyes shut, serene almost in the chaos of the club around her.

He inhaled sharply.

Minho didn’t plan on showing up. God, he should have just turned off the light and went to sleep that night. Yet when he had caught a glimpse of Y/N in that photo, uploaded by some other person amongst her group of friends, his breath hitched. Eyes scanned over her. Her smile, her figure, her dress.

He found himself moving on his own.

He found himself at the club, trailing behind her as she staggered her way off the dance floor, eyes searching for friends who she failed to recognize amongst the crowd in her drunken haze. Her words were jumbled, yet fingers easily clawed at whatever shot of alcohol was handed to her.

Minho’s body moved on it’s own.

The alcohol burned down his throat. A silent hiss escaped his lips as he slammed the glass down. Staring at her big eyes that glared at him.

Some accusatory words were exchanged, he couldn’t even recall it anymore, his mind had been fixated on the fact that her lips had engulfed his ones. On the kiss, the hot and wet kiss, that had sent alarms ringing through his head.

He should have never held her. Should’ve never allowed his fingers to cup her jaw, returning the kiss almost instantly, desperately.

He shouldn’t have allowed her to tie him in her web. Shouldn’t have loved her.

Minho shouldn’t have dreamt of normalcy.

───────────────────────

There was a chill in the air, the night enveloping the chaos that had occurred in its darkness.

Minho’s car a few feet away, slammed against the guardrail.

The larger, white car that had hit it stood alone in it’s own scrappy mess.

Lee Joohyeon’s senses were reeling as he gasped against the deflated airbag, the suffocating smell of smoke and the taste of his own blood made him groan. Made him nauseous, his head spinning.

His glasses lens was shattered, the frame digging uncomfortably into his temple. His neck throbbed painfully, and every movement sent sharp reminders of the impact coursing through his body. A constant hissing noise hitting his ears.

Slowly, he peeled himself away from the airbag, his hands trembling from pain, and aftershock as he gripped the wheel.

Reality crashed down on him with brutal force almost instantly.

He had caused this. 

The realization made his stomach churn, his breath hitch. Joohyeon leaned back into the seat, staring through the wrecked windshield, shards of glass casting shattered patterns across his view.

The chaos around him was surreal, aftermath of his violent collision. His car was a twisted mess, the front of it crumpled and the engine smoking.

He was lucky to even be alive. Lucky to have seemingly minimal injuries.

But even before he could take a sigh of relief, he stared mortified at the other car.

The sight of Minho’s car.

The younger brother’s totaled vehicle, sent a fresh wave of horror through him.

Joohyeon’s eyes traced the damage, a new fear tightening in his chest. He had struck Minho’s car with almost full force, driven by a storm of emotions that had instantly disappeared as he looked at this scene. 

Was it truly worth it?

The words of his grandfather, Park Hyunmin, echoed in his head. Their words of dismissal, of being deemed unworthy compared to his favored brother, Minho.

Lee Minho was capable.

Lee Minho was worthy.

Lee Minho deserved to become the next leader.

They had called him useless, not worth their time, while Minho basked in their praise and expectations. Raising in ranks, falling in love.

Being happy.

Anger had simmered beneath Joohyeon’s surface for years, fueled by resentment and the constant feeling of being overshadowed. Things he had suppressed in attempts to keep his facade as a capable son.

But today, something snapped. 

He hadn’t planned this. No. It was just a mere coincidence.

Truly. The older man’s actions were not premeditated.

A wrong-place-at-the-wrong-time kind of situation.

But perhaps this was exactly the right opportunity for Lee Joohyeon. To soothe the anger that coursed through him.

When he had spotted Minho’s car on the road, triple checking the license plate, the make and model, a sudden surge of fury had consumed him. A fury that drove his actions without conscious thought.

He remembered the moment vividly.

The white-hot rage that had coursed through him as he stomped on the accelerator. In that brief, reckless instant, nothing else had mattered but the desire to lash out, to take a revenge he didn’t know he wanted. Nothing else had mattered when he was determined to hit the car. But now, all that was left was fear. Only one thought repeating in his mind over and over again.

That he was absolutely fucked.

Slowly, the second grandson gathered his senses, his trembling hands tracing the cracked frame of his glasses. Struggling against the pain, Joohyeon managed to pry open the door that rattled at the slightest touch, wincing as he stumbled out onto the pavement. He leaned heavily on his shredded vehicle, his breath catching in his throat as he limped towards the crumpled remains of Minho’s car, praying that he hadn’t actually ended up killing him. 

As he drew closer, he realized Minho’s car was much more of a wreck up close, its passenger side a mangled mess. His wide eyes scanned, peering inside.

He froze.

There, amidst the shattered glass and twisted metal, lay Y/N Park. Her serene stillness and the stark contrast of her blood against her once-white dress, blood running down her face, sent a chill down Joohyeon’s spine. 

He suddenly wished he did kill Minho. 

Joohyeon staggered back, his mind reeling with disbelief and horror. He swallowed hard, tears mixing with the blood on his face, panic setting in. The ringing in his ears drowned out the distant sirens approaching the scene. He was still in pain, but he knew that he should just consider himself dead now. There was no way Park Hyunmin would let him out of this alive. 

So the second grandson of the Lee family, did what he does best after creating a mess.

He ran away.

But of course he doesn’t think about the cameras, the witnesses that watched him do so.

Because after all, he wasn’t worthy of leading anyone, forget L Corporation. A dimwit indeed.

The news of Lee Joohyeon’s reckless actions and the tragic aftermath of the car accident spread swiftly through the media, overshadowing what should have been a joyous occasion celebrating the civil marriage of the youngest Lee son and the Park heiress, which had barely been announced before tragedy struck.

Breaking News.

This just in.

What should have been a happy day for the couple.

Brother attacks brother.

The headlines flashed across screens, capturing the attention of viewers nationwide. Among them, Chairman Lee stared at the broadcast, his face drained of color, eyes wide with shock and disbelief. The reporters at the scene of the accident were mere feet away from the twisted wreckage, their voices somber as they described the scene. 

Secretary Cha entered the room hastily, but his steps faltered when he saw the stunned expression on Chairman Lee’s face. He approached cautiously, concern etched on his features as he realized the impact of the news on his superior.

Chairman Lee could feel it again. That pain in his chest. But this time, the pain struck him suddenly and fiercely, stealing his breath. He groaned in agony, the pressure in his chest unbearable.

   “Chairman!” Secretary Cha exclaims, holding onto him before he collapses.

Amidst the chaos, another alert flashed across screens.

Breaking News: Chairman Lee of L Corporation has a heart attack. 

Then there was Park Hyunmin.

Y/N’s father was beyond pissed. The kind of fury that could only be extinguished by seeing Lee Joohyeon pay for whatever chaos he had left behind in his recklessness.

Just this morning the father had seen his daughter, giddy and glowing. Radiant. She had hugged her mother, dressed up more than usual. Exclaiming she had a surprise for them, one she would bring home that same night. An inkling that it had something to do with Minho.

Yet the only surprise he received was a phone call. The kind no parent wanted to get. 

He stormed through the house security and kicked down the doors of the Lee Residence, wielding a katana.

Inside, the remaining members of the Lee family were gathered in the living room, visibly shaken by the day’s events. The Chairman’s two older sons had rushed him to the hospital, while Jihoon sat among the women, who were in hysterics over the family’s misfortunes.

   “Where the fuck is Lee Joohyeon?!” Park Hyunmin roared, his fury unmistakable, seethed through clenched teeth.

Joohyeon’s mother rushed to him, her voice trembling with desperation.

   “I’m so sorry Director Park, my son has done something so terrible. He didn’t mean to hurt Y/N. Please. Please forgive him.” She pleaded, tears streaming down her face.

Park Hyunmin shot her an angry glare.

   “Even if he didn’t mean to hurt Y/N, his original plan was to harm Minho. My son-in-law. He’s had it out for him—even going as far as airing out his illegitimacy!” He spat, his voice laced with venom.

His words took the members of the Lee family and Minho’s so-called mother off guard, bewildered. Unaware of exactly what kind of misdeeds her competent son had been stacking behind their backs.

Now, with a sword in hand, Y/N’s father was searching for the man he had treated with kindness only hours earlier. Even going as far as pretending his nonsensical babble over their brief encounter, was nothing but drunken words.

   “I don’t care if I get arrested. Only god can save that son of yours. Because if I see him.” He warned, leaning in, his voice dropping to a menacing whisper.

   “I will end him.”

It wasn’t a threat. It was a promise.

───────────────────────

Minho’s eyes snapped open, his chest rising and falling rapidly, breath coming out in ragged exhales as he adjusted to the blinding hospital lights. The sterile smell of the hospital overwhelmed his senses, as his eyes darted over the pale ceiling, trying to figure out exactly where he was.

And almost instantly his thoughts were consumed by Y/N. The image of his bride, who had smiled so brightly at him, the image of her bloody figure slumped limply at just an arms length away, came surging back to him.

But now Minho was alone. In the room that smelled heavy of antiseptic and the loud, sharp ringing of machines. He was alone and his new wife was nowhere to be seen.

The youngest son grimaced as his hands attempted to push himself up, wincing in pain at the sharp sting he felt on his left arm, realizing it was in a cast. Struggling, he still managed to sit up, another surge of pain shot through him, making him groan.

His body was a patchwork of bandages, perhaps even cuts and bruises he hadn’t gotten a chance of looking at, the cast on his hand felt heavy. But not heavier than that anxious feeling weighing in his heart.

He glanced around at the emptiness of the room he was in a daze, confused, panicked. 

The door slid open, Secretary Kim, who Minho hadn’t seen since the day he found out about his mother, entered the room. Upon seeing him awake, the younger man rushed in, his face etched with a mixture of relief and distress.

   “Sir!” Yongguk exclaimed, hurrying to Minho’s side.

Minho attempted to rise, a sudden rush in his actions. But his legs felt weak, and he nearly toppled over before Yongguk steadied him. Minho’s eyes, filled with a desperate and pained intensity, searched for answers. Fingers clawing at the fabric of Yongguk’s jacket.

   “W-where’s Y/N?” Minho’s voice cracked as he barely managed to whisper, the horrifying image of her bloodied form haunting him.

Yongguk hesitated, his face falling as he braced himself to deliver the crushing news. “Miss Park… she’s—”

   “She’s what!?” Minho’s voice was a raw, desperate plea as he gripped Yongguk’s jacket with a tighter grip, his tears spilling over.

   “She hasn’t regained consciousness.” Yongguk said softly. “The impact of the accident was on the passenger side. She sustained critical injuries. Miss Park has been unconscious since the accident.”

The weight of the words crashed over Minho like a tidal wave. He slowly sank back onto the bed, his face a mask of pain. After a long silence, he wiped away his tears, his gaze piercing as he looked up at Secretary Kim.

   “Who did this?” Minho’s voice was barely more than a whisper, quivering with dread.

Minho knew.

His mind raced, fearing that this was no mere accident. His grandfather? Because he decided to leave? Or Jungshin? Getting revenge on him for the overseas slush funds? Perhaps even his uncle?

   “Lee Joohyeon.” Secretary Kim’s voice was grim.

Minho was surprised. 

No. 

He didn’t see this coming. He thought he didn’t ever have to worry about that idiot. Thought he took care of him, sending him away with his tail between his legs. But now the only person that Minho cared about was hanging between life and death because of him.

   “He had fled the scene.” Yongguk continued, his voice heavy with frustration. 

   “The authorities are trying to track him down, but he’s vanished.”

Minho’s hands clenched the bed sheets with white-knuckled fury, his eyes burning with a dangerous intensity.

    “Release the CCTV footage from the yacht.” The superior ordered, his voice a low, dangerous growl. 

   “I want Joohyeon found. I’ll kill him myself.”

Yongguk swallowed. His form rigid as he took in the sight of his superior’s cold expression. He nodded, suddenly understanding the gravity of Minho’s command. Understanding the “risky” tasks he had been warned about.

   “I’ll take care of it, sir.” He found himself stating.

A sudden silence ensued. The secretary wondering if he should bring it up or not.

   “There’s more.” Yongguk added, hesitating. 

   “The Chairman had a heart attack after hearing the news.”

The chairman’s youngest son stared at nothingness as he processed the additional news. For a moment there was an unreadable emotion in his eyes before his gaze darkened.

   “That old man won’t die. He’s as stubborn as they come.” 

Minho was right.

The Chairman wouldn’t die so easily. 

As if Minho’s recovery was his medicine. Chairman Lee’s resilience was remarkable. Despite the heart attack, the news of Minho’s waking up, mostly fine and alive, seemed to invigorate him anew. 

The old man sat in his hospital bed, reading the news. He was angry, but after Secretary Cha came in with the news that Minho had woken up, the father felt fine, as if his heart was healed. 

Though it was a pity that Y/N Park was still in such a critical condition. As long as Minho was okay, it was solace enough for the greedy Chairman.

   “Secretary Cha.” Chairman Lee’s voice, though weakened, was still cold, authoritative.

   “Has Joohyeon been found yet?”

   “Not yet, sir. He’s injured, so he can’t stay hidden for long.”

   “Find him.” Chairman Lee ordered, his voice carrying sharply.

   “Yes, sir.” The secretary responded promptly.

   “Find him and deal with him.”

Secretary Cha blinked, a little taken aback. Even after working over thirty years for the Chairman, it was a first that the superior had ordered him to harm his own blood. But Lee Joohyeon had already been on thin ice because of his hand in Jae’s demise.

   “I will not tolerate anyone who harms my family.” Chairman Lee declared, his voice unwavering. 

   “Especially someone who attempted to kill my son.”

The Chairman’s words were cold. As if the man in question wasn’t his grandson. But some scum that was a threat to their lives.

The scum, Lee Joohyeon was painfully aware. Of course Joohyeon knew. 

Fully aware of the gravity of his situation, Minho’s awakening and the Chairman’s recovery had sealed his fate.

Oh, the things Minho had probably planned to do to him. The older “brother” knew what the youngest was capable of.

Chairman Lee had recovered and most definately would bury him alive.

Even Park Hyunmin wanted his head.

Lee Joohyeon had managed to anger three people that were capable of demolishing him. The threats against him were overwhelming.

He was better off in Japan. Exiled.

The second grandson made a fateful decision. A decision driven by fear. By his lack of choices, cornered.

Probably the best one in his pathetic life.

Wounded and desperate, he limped into the police station. He would rather surrender, than live with the relentless fear of being hunted down by his enemies.

At least he had some sense in him. 

───────────────────────

Minho gazed at his new bride, a sight that shattered him every time.

She wasn’t in the beautiful white dress she had chosen just for him. Instead, she lay in this hospital bed, littered in cuts and bruises, stitches and castings. An oxygen mask obscuring her face, while the relentless beeping of the heart rate monitor echoed in the oppressive silence.

Five agonizing days had passed, and still, Y/N hadn’t awakened.

The doctor’s words echoed in his mind. The longer she remained unconscious, the slimmer the chances of her waking up.

That thought terrified him more than he’d ever thought possible. He leaned closer to her bedside, taking her limp hand in his. Gently, he pressed his lips to her cold fingers, trying to hold back his tears. She looked so peaceful, almost serene in her stillness, a sight that only deepened the clench in his heart.

Still, an anger festered within him. Fueled by the knowledge that Lee Joohyeon had surrendered to the police while he sat here, helpless. 

He should’ve found that man first. Should’ve taken Joohyeon’s life for snatching away Y/N’s radiant smile.

Minho should’ve protected her.

Another promise he failed at keeping.

The Chairman’s heart attack ignited an inheritance battle between his two sons, unaware that neither had even been favored by the old man. 

The two sons sat down with the Chairman’s attorney, their greed barely masked by their feigned concern. They demanded the reading of the old man’s will. Even though he wasn’t even dead yet. 

Those greedy bastards.

   “I’ll just tell you myself.” A voice came from the doorway.

Mooyoung and Doyoung were surprised. Chairman Lee, seated in a wheelchair and pushed by Secretary Cha, entered the room. His expression contorted in annoyance and disdain.

   “You ungrateful fools couldn’t even wait for me to actually die.” He spat, his disappointment palpable

   “Father!” Mooyoung rushed to his side, his younger brother trailing behind.

   “It’s not like that.” Mooyoung stammered, trying to salvage his dignity. 

   “We just wanted to take precautions.”

   “Yes, brother is right.” Doyoung chimed by his side, attempting to justify their greed. 

   “Especially with everything that’s happened this week.” The brothers shared a glance.

The Chairman’s glare was unyielding, unconvinced. He looked past his sons to Attorney Goh, who stood by, waiting for instructions.

   “Attorney Goh.” The Chairman started.

    “Please, go ahead and tell them what I’ve decided. You have my permission.”

Although the lawyer didn’t have the document on him, he was familiar with its contents, especially after the numerous revisions. He had been relieved when he was told that the final draft was indeed final.

   “Chairman Lee has decided to give seventy-percent of his assets and shares of L Corp. and all businesses tied to L Corporation, to Lee Minho.”

The old man watched the expressions on his two sons’ faces fall. The shock on Mooyoung and Doyoung’s faces was immediate and profound. Their expressions darkened with disbelief and resentment.

   “Twenty percent will be divided between Lee Mooyoung and Lee Doyoung, with five percent allocated to Lee Jookshin, to her son, Chairman Lee’s great-grandson, five percent. Should something unfortunate happen to Lee Minho without an heir, the remaining assets will be sold, and the proceeds will be donated to charity.”

This new information shocked Mooyoung and Doyoung even more, hittling them like a sledgehammer. Anger flared in Mooyoung’s eyes as he turned to his father in his wheelchair. 

   “Father, how could you do that!?” Mooyoung’s voice trembled with fury.

Doyoung, though silent, was visibly seething. Falling into a silence as he began to ponder.

   “You built everything from the ground up. How can you just give it away to charity?” Mooyoung’s voice cracked with a mix of outrage and disbelief.

The Chairman’s eyes flared with anger. Already thinking about the what-ifs of Minho’s death.

   “Someone in this family tried to kill Minho. How else am I supposed to protect him?” He demanded with a glare.

Lee Mooyoung’s brow furrowed deeper, his frustration evident in his expression. “Why do you need to protect that bastard?”

The venom in Mooyoung’s words only served to further enrage both his fake father and The Chairman, his real father.

   “He’s my blood, Mooyoung.” the Chairman said with a chilling calmness.

The intensity of his gaze silenced Mooyoung, who took a step back, his anger turning to sullen defeat.

Lee Doyoung, however, was already plotting his next move. 

   “You’ve made a very wise decision, Father.” He said with a grin, clearly scheming about the potential shift in power, the change of ranks within the family.

   “Don’t get ahead of yourself.” The Chairman said coldly. 

   “If you think you can continue to exploit Minho, you’re a fool. He’s no longer the boy you could keep pressed under your thumb.”

Secretary Cha began to wheel the Chairman towards his bedroom.

   “He surpassed you a long long time ago.” His words seemed final.

Of course, Lee Doyoung didn’t grasp the gravity of his father’s words. He was, indeed, a fool. A fool who had made his way to the hospital where Minho sat by his new bride’s side. The new husband still clung to Y/N’s unconscious hand.

The hospital door slid open with an intrusive screech, jolting Minho. His gaze shifted from Y/N’s still form to the entrance, where Doyoung’s imposing figure appeared.

   “I knew I’d find you here.” The “father” declared, his eyes briefly flickering to Y/N before settling on Minho.

Yongguk ran closely behind, halting at the door and bowing deeply. 

   “I’m sorry, sir. I tried to stop him but—”

   “It’s okay. You can go.” Minho interrupted, his voice firm.

Doyoung’s eyes narrowed in irritation as he watched Yongguk exit. “What kind of secretary did you keep, that disrespectful fool—”

   “You’re the disrespectful fool.” Minho cut in, his tone icy and unyielding.

Lee Doyoung’s face twisted in disbelief. “How dare you speak to me like that!” He snapped, his anger bubbling over, suddenly recalling Chairman Lee’s words from earlier.

Minho was pissed. How much more shameless could he get? 

   “How dare you barge into my wife’s hospital room like this?” He said, his voice low, rage simmering beneath his calm exterior. 

   “Oh. You must have heard about the Chairman giving you seventy percent of the shares. That’s why you’re so cocky now, talking to your father so rudely?” Doyoung came to his own conclusions.

Minho’s eyes darkened further. And without warning, he shoved Doyoung against the door, the impact echoing through the room. He pinned Doyoung with his good arm, his face a mask of intense fury. The man under his grip stared back with bewilderment. A shock that made his face grow almost pale.

   “I don’t care about the shares of L Corp., Lee Doyoung.” Minho said, his voice a chilling whisper.

Doyoung’s eyes widened with shock at the way Minho addressed him. The intensity of Minho’s words left him momentarily speechless.

   “You’re not my father. You never were. The man you look up to so much, the one you’re so terrified of, set you up twenty-eight years ago and you didn’t even realize it.”

Doyoung’s anger surfaced on his face, shoving the injured man back. 

   “You ungrateful brat! The Lee family has taken care of you for all these years, and this is how you repay us?” He poked Minho’s chest, his voice dripping with venom.

Minho’s laughter was a bitter sound that filled the room, almost in disbelief.

   “Take care? You must be joking.” He said, his laughter abruptly stopping as his expression hardened.

   “The Lee family made a mess of itself. Don’t blame me. Rather, you should be grateful I had been there to clean up your messes. Or you would have fallen a long time ago.”

Doyoung’s realization that Minho was no longer a pawn but a force to be reckoned with was dawning on him. A realization he made after being humiliated. He suddenly understood, Minho would no longer be controlled, instead would be the one in command now.

   “Son, listen—” Doyoung began, his voice trembling.

   “I’m not your son, Lee Doyoung.” Minho cut him off coldly. 

   “And I don’t want to hear your rambling.”

Doyoung’s face paled with sudden anxiety as he looked up at Minho, who now seemed towering over him.

Minho leaned in, his breath hot against Doyoung’s ear. 

   “Make sure to tell that pathetic Joohyeon, that I was the one who sent those threatening texts.” He whispered, pulling back to watch Doyoung’s face contort with shock and horror.

Minho’s laughter, dark and menacing, filled the space as he opened the hospital room door and forcefully shoved Doyoung out. The door shut with a faint slam, and Minho closed his eyes, his jaw clenched in frustration.

It was one thing after another. The reporters wouldn’t stop calling him, Chairman Lee kept trying to contact him, the company couldn’t get anything done without him.

All he wanted was Y/N to be by his side.

Awake.

   “Min...ho.” A soft, fragile voice called out.

His eyes flew open, and he turned to see Y/N slowly turning her head toward him. His heart leaped as he rushed to her side. She weakly tugged at the oxygen mask, removing it with trembling hands.

   “Y/N!” Minho’s voice cracked with emotion, tears pricking in his eyes.

She tried to smile despite the pain, her tear-filled eyes meeting his as he held her hand to his lips, letting out a sob of relief. 

   “I thought I was going to lose you.” He whispered with his cries.

   “You’re not getting rid of me that easily.” She murmured, tears mingling with her smile as she watched him break into a vulnerable chuckle, crying into their loose grasp of entangled fingers.

───────────────────────

The youngest son of the Lee family might have been on the lowest ranks when it came to the members of the family, but he was now the only one capable enough to run L Corporation. 

Lee Minho was the only one left. Mooyoung and Doyoung guessed it correctly, their times of pushing around Minho had come to an end. They were forced to acknowledge Minho’s authority, bow down to someone decades younger than them. 

Bow down to their younger brother. Though they never found that out.

The youngest son had been ready to leave behind the Lee family and L Corp. altogether. But after the accident, a realization dawned. 

Without the power and influence that came with his role, he could not truly protect those he cherished.

Protect Y/N.

The Chairman had practically begged Minho to return. His declining health, suddenly made him desperate perhaps. He could not bear to watch L Corp. crumble because of the rotten sons he unfortunately fathered. 

His company. His child. 

Minho went back.

But of course it came with clauses.

There were going to be significant changes in the dynamics of the so-called family he grew up in. A revenge in its own.

A change that amused the youngest son plenty, unable to hide his sinister smile as he stared at the faces of all those who looked down at him. The disgust-laced gazes were suddenly filled with desperation. A look he enjoyed the sight of.

Lee Jihoon, who had always wanted to live his life away from the spotlight of the Lee family, was free to do so. He took that opportunity to leave for his next trip to South America. Last anyone had heard from him, he was road tripping through Brazil. Though he did keep in touch with Y/N from time to time.

Lee Jookshin didn’t interact much with anyone in the Lee family following her brother’s fall from grace. Her interactions became sparse, her presence a distant figure.

Lee Jungshin, tainted by the scandal of the slush-fund fiasco, chose to disappear after learning of the potential prison sentence for money laundering. He fled overseas, with his mother in tow.

As for Lee Joohyeon, his fate was sealed with the weight of multiple crimes. Convicted not only of attempted murder but also of manslaughter in Jae’s death years earlier, Joohyeon’s downfall came swiftly. 

Prosecutors received an anonymous email with the yacht CCTV footage. Then a few days later, the chip containing Lee Jae’s car dashcam evidence showed up on the lead detective’s desk. 

As if it all came with the wind.

Minho’s ascend to the presidency of L Corp. was solidified with the success of The Rose Garden Resort, a testament to his leadership and vision. His victories affirmed his place as a formidable figure in both business and the family.

Chairman Lee rejoiced, as if he had planned everything from the beginning.

Except he didn’t plan another heart attack.

This one however, kept him tied to the hospital bed for the next three years.

───────────────────────

Lee Minho walked into his new office, its grandeur evident in the bright white walls and gold-framed paintings. His fingers brushed over the crystal plaque bearing his name.

Chairman Lee Minho. 

He paused, feeling the weight of his new title settle around him. Uncertainty and pride mingled within him. He did not know how to feel. He had once wanted this position. Only for the sole purpose to drive the company to the ground.

Yet, now that he was here, he found himself hesitating.

A knock on the glass door drew him from his thoughts. He turned to find Secretary Kim, greeting him.

   “I’ve declined the invitation from the directors for a celebration as you requested.” Yongguk reported.

The new chairman nodded, looking out of the large window once again.

   “There’s also a gala hosted by the Director of Yeom Arts tomorrow evening. I’ve arranged your schedule around it.” Yongguk continued.

Minho turned with a raised eyebrow. “Yeom Arts…Isn’t that where the Hwangs married into?” He tried to recall, to which his secretary nodded.

   “Their second son Hwang Hyunjin married Director Yeom earlier this year.” Secretary Kim clarified.

Minho let out a nonchalant “hmm”, already lost interest.

   “Madame Park has arrived and is waiting in the lobby.” The secretary continued.

The mention of Y/N brought a genuine smile to Minho’s face. The only one he wanted to celebrate with.

His family.

Heading to the lobby, Minho’s heart lightened at the sight of Y/N. Her presence already made him relax into a familiar comfort. She beamed as he approached, and Minho’s smile widened in return. Then his gaze flickered down to the approaching patters of small feet.

   “Daddy!”

Minho instinctively crouched down to catch his two year old running towards him, into his arms. Her laughter erupted as he scooped her up, his grin wide. 

   “Did you miss me princess?” The father asked, his voice full of warmth.

Y/N approached the father-daughter duo, reaching over and gently brushed back the little girl’s hair.

   “She got really excited when I told her we’re having dinner outside today.” 

Minho laughed, holding his daughter close before reaching for Y/N’s hand.

   “Let’s go.” He smiled softly.

There was a time the youngest son had doubted his capabilities as a father. But now, looking at the admiration in his daughter’s eyes as she played with his tie, made his heart swell.

Minho didn’t know what being a good father looked like. He had never seen a true example of one in his life.

The father figures, the fake, the real, had never embodied the qualities of a good father that Minho had glimpsed throughout his life of other children, of his siblings.

But he swore. To himself, to his then unborn child in the quiet of the night when Y/N had long drifted into her slumber.

He would be a good father. He would try to be a good father. He would do everything his fake father, his real father, hadn’t done.

Minho read the baby book. Studying it with such intensity that it felt like he might tear it apart.

Y/N would giggle, brushing back his hair as she pulled away the glasses that had been perched on his nose. A soft graze of her fingers that brought him out of his thoughts.

   “Are you planning on getting a PhD on newborn babies?” She laughed, settling on the edge of his desk.

Minho shook his head, closing the book before staring at her with a new intensity. His eyes darted from her soft expression to her stomach. Deep in thought once again.

   “Don’t be so nervous. We have plenty of time to prepare. I’m sure everything will be alright.” His wife’s words were reassuring, her smile unwavering.

He rolled his chair closer, sighing as he took her hand into his, attempting to thin his lips into a smile as he nodded.

But Minho was afraid. Still afraid that he wouldn’t be a good father. That he couldn’t be a good father. He was a mess of a man who was the outcome of a disastrous family line. An embarrassment he didn’t have the courage to even admit let alone bring up.

Minho knew he would be protective, just as he was with Y/N, the love of his life, the only person he truly cared for. He knew he would stand by his child’s side, watching over them and keeping them close. But he wasn’t sure if he could truly love them.

The youngest son had always claimed he didn’t know what love was. For a long time, he didn’t understand what it felt like to be loved. Not until Y/N had entered his life. 

Even then, he didn’t know that the feeling clenching in his heart whenever she hurt herself, whenever someone spoke ill of her was protectiveness. 

The sour taste in his mouth when hearing her name connected. To another’s, seeing her attached to someone else, was jealousy.

The overwhelming fear of losing her was, in fact, love. Nothing but love. Something he took too long to recognize, nearly losing her in the process.

But perhaps the cries were all he needed to hear.

The pure, innocent wails of a newborn that echoed, loud in his ears. A call to the world that she was finally here. A part of him, a part of Y/N. Evidence of the love he swore he didn’t know about.

And all his worries, his nervousness that he had bottled up during the months before she had arrived, melted in an instant. And the new father suddenly knew that he was going to be fine.

Lee Minho would make an excellent father, one that he had never known.

───────────────────────

Lee Minho was an excellent father. But he could never be a good son.

He would never be a good son. Both to the fake and the real.

The former Chairman had been bed bound ever since his second heart attack. The stillness of the hospital room was both suffocating, but serene.

Secretary Cha entered quietly. Like he did every day, a routine he had fallen into over the past three years. But this time he had a somber expression on his face.

The old man lay in bed, his movements slow and breaths labored, an oxygen mask over his nose.

   “Did Minho refuse to visit again?” The old man asked in a raspy whisper.

Secretary Cha’s silence answered him. The former Chairman managed a small, knowing smile.

   “Call him for me.” The old man requested, his voice strained.

Secretary Cha made the call. Minho didn’t pick up the first time, nor the second. By the fourth ring on the third attempt, his voice finally came through, cold and detached.

   “Chairman Lee, your father wanted to see you. He wanted to congratulate you in person.”

Minho’s silence was followed by a laugh, harsh and dismissive. 

   “Tell the old man to stick to the deal we made. Don’t contact me for such trivial matters.”

The call ended abruptly. Secretary Cha looked at the former Chairman, who continued to gaze at the ceiling. A faint smile spread across the old man’s face.

   “My son.” He murmured, his voice a mix of pride and resignation.

   “He’s achieved what he set out to do... reach the very top.”

The old man coughed, turning his head to meet Secretary Cha’s sympathetic eyes.

   “Perhaps it’s time for you to retire, Cha Wonshik.” Former Chairman Lee said softly.

Secretary Cha hesitated before nodding, his pity evident. “Go prepare for you granddaughter’s wedding.” The Chairman added weakly.

After a heavy silence and Secretary Cha’s hesitant exit, the room fell silent once more, the only sound the steady beep of the heart monitor.

The former Chairman stared up at the ceiling again, at the bright light and slowly whispered to himself.

   “My youngest son…is stubborn, he is arrogant, he is conniving. But he’s always done a very good job hiding it all behind his mask. He’s a master at mind games.” He attempted to chuckle to himself.

His laughs morphed into labored coughs. Former Chairman Lee took a strained deep breath, and whispered once more.

   “Lee Minho is…”

His voice trailed off into silence, the heart monitor’s beep stretching into an unending, haunting note.

Minho walked into the private dining room of the restaurant, his gaze softening as he saw Y/N and their daughter seated at the table. He placed his phone down and slid back into his seat.

Y/N looked up from her meal, her eyes curious. 

   “Who was that?” She eyed the phone he had discarded atop of the table.

Minho gave a reassuring smile, shaking his head.

   “Not important—How’s the food?” He easily changed the subject.

Y/N had always been one to easily read Minho’s expressions, his body language. And although she was aware that it was more than just a “not important” phone call, that his shrug as he sat down was to shake off her worries, she just smiled in return, nodding as she took another bite.

Minho’s gaze shifted to their daughter, who was happily making a mess with her food. Pasta sauce smeared across her lips which made her father chuckle, his eyes creasing into crescent-moons. Y/N watched as her husband leaned over to gently brush back their daughter’s hair and wipe the mess from her face, his eyes filled with the same warmth and affection he showed when he was with Y/N.

She watched Minho with a tender smile.

Lingering.

And for a split second, her expression wavered.

Y/N’s smile faltered.

Just for a fleeting moment though.

A millisecond of uncertainty.

A millisecond of something else.

Her husband glanced back up at her, hand reaching over to caress hers. Minho smiled. The genuine ones she loved seeing on him, one that she returned with her own wide grin.

Lee Minho is… just like his father, isn’t he?

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ end.

── thanks for reading! - @minh0scat, @qwonyoung23, @tsunderelino, @thecutiepieme, @candyquokka

[darkchocolatedimples]

endings are bittersweet (for you and me)

ngl its 11:00pm on saturday but i did want to make something for keefitz week considering the brain rot sorting through taylor swift's albums threw me into, but i was super busy so i just finished right now. i think this loosely follows the prompts for days 2 and 3. thank you @when-wax-wings-melt and @skylilac for hosting this!! its such a fun idea!

heavily taylor swift inspired fic under the cut!! (songs in the tags)

Hindsight is the clearest rearview mirror, and it’s in hindsight that Keefe should’ve known there was a flaw in his plans for the day. Afterall, Fitz being open to hearing him out wasn’t entirely in his cards.

Maybe when they were younger, before he’d ran way (twice), it would’ve been. But now, Fitz seems to have less to say and more scores to settle. Keefe guesses that's fair. He's not beyond owning up to what he did.

Yet he doesn't entirely expect Fitz to simply nod hello and cut to the chase of whatever he wanted to say. Although, Keefe had probably relinquished the luxury of speaking first when he tore Fitz’s heart in two and walked away. 

At least, he assumes that’s what he did. And it was, if Fitz had actually cared. But maybe Keefe miscalculated that as well.

“You know, I was thinking…” Well that was wonderful, Keefe had been thinking too, over and over again, over the words they’d said and if they’d meant anything at all and if it was fair to ask for it all again- “And I want my bramble jersey back.”

Keefe blinks. “What?”

“You took it like, years ago? Remember the one?” Fitz prompts, accent crisp and unforgiving.

The bramble jersey. The one he forgot he still owned- no, the one he’d forgotten he’d stolen from Fitz’s closet ages ago, before they drifted apart, before everything got complicated, before Sophie even. Though some of those things were related.

“Do you seriously want it back?” he asks underneath his breath, lowering his head towards the ground so Fitz wouldn’t see the water beginning to gather in the corner of his eyes, as if he didn’t already know it was one of his nervous tells. Why was it so tough for him to imagine? Whatever this was between them fell apart ages ago. So why did returning the jersey feeling like sealing their tragic fate?

They’d always known they were bound to burn in the end.

“If you still have it,” Fitz confirms, digging his heel into the ground. Keefe can't tell what his face looks like, but if he had to guess, he’d imagine a perfect ‘gosh, I’m sorry’ grimace that doesn't look half as mean as it should on someone. Fitz is better than everyone else, anyways.

Keefe used to be able to contest to that. Keefe used to know the taller like the back of his hand; understand him better than he understood himself. Keefe knew Fitz, and even if he doesn't anymore, he knows what this must be to him. A last little loose end to wrap up so they can leave this decaying chapter of their lives in the past and move on. Be mature and embrace new beginnings. Ones that might last. But Keefe just feels like a weed being plucked.

He probably is a weed, infecting the perfect garden of Fitz’s life since the moment he’d taken his hand that day when they were kids. So if it's better to leave, if it's better to move on, why is it so hard? Why can't he let them die?

"I'll try to find it," Keefe mumbles beneath his breath.

Fitz shrugs, "Thanks," and then it's over and he's light leaping away like he didn't tear Keefe's plans to rekindle their relationship down the middle and leave him in sprinkles from the sky, slowly gaining weight. Only fitting, considering Keefe left first, and the weather was worse.

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

Raindrops the size of bullets pierced Fitz's skin, drenching his hair and tunic and blurring his vision as he tried to find the right lock to click open the way Keefe had described to him years ago. A useless piece of information, considering he'd never intentionally brought Fitz to his home, but the request of "Tell me something I don't know about you," had arisen under lazy pink skies and that was the only thing the blonde could think of. They'd already known everything there was to know about the other at age twelve.

The door creaked and Fitz pushed it out of the way, fumbling into the foyer as his clothes dripped water onto the mat. He only rubbed his boots against it for moment before leading himself up to Keefe's bedroom.

If Lord Cassius was home at the moment, he didn't run into Fitz as he made his way through the halls. He wouldn't have much to say if he did, although his reason for the impromptu visit was innocent enough. Cassius probably wouldn't believe it.

Would anyone?

Maybe that's why Fitz was here: because he had something to prove. He needed to convince everyone he didn't consider his relationship with Keefe a hopeless cause.  

He needed to convince Keefe himself.

So really, shuffling around in his closet for his favorite sweater wouldn't hurt. It would show him he cared, he remembered, maybe even help him remember-

A cluttering noise caught Fitz off guard before he could start ruffling through the clothes in the chest before him, and the man flitting quickly down the stairs shocked him cold. 

Days later, Fitz would be stuck wondering why he didn't give up sooner; why he hadn't thrown Keefe away like a broken record when everyone had expected him to. At least then he wouldn't have been present for this. His heart would've been spared.

"Keefe?" he asked tentatively, making the blonde boy flinch as he raised his head, spotting him. "What are you doing here?"

Keefe shrugged, holding up the elixirs he was carrying, but he didn't speak. Fitz hadn't entirely expected him to.

"Back to pulling pranks already?" The empty smile Keefe gave him sent chills through his body. It almost felt...mournful. "I thought you're supposed to be at Elwin's."

At that, Keefe couldn't hide his grimace, and Fitz couldn't help but sound accusatory when he noticed. "What's the bag for?"

His hunch must have been right if it made Keefe curve into himself in shame. "No, you can't seriously be- Again?"

"Keefe, don't," he pleaded, abandoning the open chest to make his way towards his friend. "They said they'd help you, Alina and Oralie and whoever else."

"It's not enough," Keefe croaked out, facing the floor, and Fitz sighed.

"How would you know that? Have you even tried?" He shook his head, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "Keefe, please don't leave on all of us again."

The noise that left the younger’s throat sounded equal parts distraught and irritated, like he couldn’t deal with any of this much longer. That was probably why he was leaving anyways; maybe everyone’s nagging to just try and just believe wasn’t working, and maybe Fitz was only making things worse. So he tried a different approach. “Please don’t do this to us.”

Us was a large term in broad daylight; but like this, in the rain, alone, Keefe had to have known who Fitz was referring to. “Us” was Fitz and Keefe, like it should’ve always been. But things got too complicated for “us” to be just them anymore.

And it was probably those same things that made Keefe push back the hoarseness in his throat from lack of use just to say, “I’m sorry.”

But Fitz couldn’t give up. Giving up was giving in to everyone else’s idea that they were falling apart, and Fitz would be damned to call himself a Vacker if he gave up. “Please stay Keefe. For me.”

It was a stretch, but the words hung between them for a moment, vulnerable, open, and targeted, and Fitz almost wished he could snatch them back and fashion them into a more formal request, something that better fit the current state of their relationship. 

And then Keefe shook his head.

“Oh…oh.” Fitz stumbled back, tripping into the bed. “Carry on, then.”

Keefe didn’t waste a second before exiting the room.

Fitz only wondered if he’d felt his heart splintering as he’d rushed past.

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

The question itself was unfair. How could Fitz have expected anything else when there were bigger things at play than just the both of them? Keefe had a reason for leaving, and he doesn't entirely regret it.

But that wasn’t what hurt him. Fitz wasn’t stupid, he knew it wouldn’t work. Alas, he still put himself out there, waiting for some sort of signal or sign that Keefe cared. And he didn’t give it to him.

He walked out. Without a second thought. And he’s regretted it everyday since, because if he had to go back and pinpoint a moment when their lives stopped being intertwined and became two lonely strands of bitterness, he’d say it was right then, when he’d shaken his head and said nothing. That was his mistake. This is his fault.

He hadn’t said anything, and now Fitz is done waiting. He wants his jersey back. He wants this to be over.

So Keefe digs through his room and finds it buried under tunics he’d never liked and capes he wanted to tear to shreds for years. A piece of fabric that held more memories than he’d like to admit. Sifting through the emotions tied to a simple jersey shouldn’t feel like a landslide, but maybe Keefe’s empathy is still oversensitive. Or maybe Fitz just means much more to him than he should.

Keefe doesn't want to think about it anymore. He doesn't want to think at all, about how everything is falling apart, about how stupid he is for having this occupying his head when there was a war to be worrying about. But even if they won, what was he coming back to?

He slipped the jersey over his head, watching it fall down his frame in the mirror and wondering how it was still big on him. He'd always been smaller than Fitz, but he assumed he'd grown. Apparently, not half as much as he'd thought. He tore his eyes away from his reflection before he dwelled on it for much longer.

It became habit, at some point along the way, to flip open his gold journal to a fresh, blank page and cover it with the sparkle in Fitz’s teal eyes as he looked at someone else, the swoop of his hair and the angles of his jaw. Today, however, when Keefe let the pencil in his hand guide him to whatever image his mind was creating, the slopes of nose smaller, his jaw softer, and his hair longer and slightly more unruly. Fitz was younger, and asleep, in the same jersey Keefe was wearing now.

If he closed his eyes it almost smelled like him.

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

“Fitz…Fitz wake up.” 

It was a solemn thing, to have to wake up the boy when he was so blissfully passed out, gentle features rounded out by the pillow underneath his head.

Keefe considered letting him sleep, but being only six years old made him increasingly impatient, and there wasn't much to do with his best friend snug asleep in the bed next to him. He sighed, sitting up and letting the blankets pool around him.

"Fitz. Fitz. Wake up loser," he whined, pushing the elder's shoulder. He only let out a groan in response.

After another shove and tearing off the covers to expose him to the cold air, Fitz blinked groggily, rubbing his eyes to make them focus on the blonde boy next to him. Keefe reached over to the bedside table and handed him his glasses.

Fitz mumbled something like a thank you, slipping them on and looking at him with tired confusion on his face. Keefe misses the look of it, he hadn't worn his glasses in years, but they'd always hold a special place in his heart, nestled right next to the beginnings of their friendship. "Is it the middle of the night?"

"No, I think it's morning," Keefe answered. "And I'm bored."

"Well, I think we should go to sleep again," Fitz decided, turning over and burying his bed head back into the pillows. Keefe wonders how he hadn't changed in the ten years since.

"No!" And he hadn't either. Not by much, besides their friendship holding on by a single thread.

Fitz groaned as Keefe pulled the blankets away again, bothering him as much as he could. "Keefe, you know if we sleep in a little longer Mom and Dad will let us just eat mallowmelt instead of breakfast?" he mentioned.

Keefe stopped his meddling abruptly. It never really was a hard task to get his attention, especially with food involved. "Really?"

"Oh yeah," Fitz confirmed. Keefe considered it for a moment, about to settle back into the bed before they heard footsteps coming down the hall. The boys widened their eyes at each other.

The two dove under the covers, doing their best attempt of faking sleep before the door unlocked.

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

The door swings open as Biana twirls in with at least six different cosmetics in her hands and a flowing purple dress barely hanging onto her shoulders. “Ah! Fitz, zip me up, will you?”

Fitz does as asked, moving her hair out of the way as she set all the products down on the bathroom counter and tries to find the lip gloss she wants. She settles on a light tint of purple that matches her dress.

“Where are you going?” Fitz questions, leaning back against the wall when he’s done.

“Dinner with the Dizznee’s. Haven’t really been able to spend time with them since school started,” she explains, rubbing her lips together.

“Right,” Fitz agrees, watching her flit about the bathroom, getting ready. 

“How was Keefe earlier?”

“Oh.” Fitz doesn’t remember telling Biana what he was doing that morning, and something about her nonchalance was unsettling. He probably hadn’t told her at all. It wouldn’t be surprising, Biana knows everything there is to know about him anyways. Perhaps more than himself. “He was… Alright, I guess. I asked for my jersey back.”

Biana freezes. Her eyes fly across the mirror to look into his. “You did what?”

“I asked for it back. The jersey, from when we were kids,” Fitz clarifies. 

She sighs, turning back to herself in the mirror. Her words are almost exasperated when she reminds, “You still are kids, you know. We all are. That’s why none of this works.”

Fitz could ask what she was referring to; the war? Being members of the Black Swan? Their friendships? He could ask, but he can tell with the tired look in her eyes that she means the latter.

“I don’t think I like Sophie,” he admits softly out of the blue. The words dance across the fragile ice in the air, like they’d break it and send everything crumbling if they wanted to. “No, I know I don’t.”

Biana’s responding chuckle melts the ice before they have a chance to crack it. “I think we knew that.”

Fitz freezes as the words flow through him. “You- what? Was I that much of a jerk?”

“Oh, she doesn’t know,” Biana corrects, working her deft fingers through her hair as she braids it back into a twisted bun. “You should let her know, kindly. But how could you have, honestly, with Keefe around.”

“I- I don’t know what you mean,” Fitz stutters, looking at her in the mirror with furrowed eyebrows. “Keefe’s my…friend.” Hardly. Was that really the message he sent to him earlier?

His sister’s hands drop from her hair as she spins to look him straight in the eyes. “Friends don’t use kisses as currency, Fitz.”

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

“If you come, I’ll kiss you.”

Fitz raised an eyebrow, making no move to get up from his arm chair. “And if I don’t?”

“I’ll never kiss you again!” Keefe decided, sitting on the chair’s arm. “It would be a shame though, I thought you said it was fun.”

“You’re seriously giving me an ultimatum about this?” Fitz questioned, dropping his book into his lap. Keefe nodded shamelessly, and the elder couldn’t help the smile growing on his face.

“It’s just a party, Fitz,” he pleaded, slipping down from the couch arm and landing next to Fitz. “We finished level 3, we deserve to celebrate a little.”

“We can leave after two hours if you get bored,” he added softly, studying the elder’s eyes. “I just wanted to go for a little bit. And I wanted to go with you.”

Fitz pretended to think for a moment, watching Keefe look up at him, wide-eyed and waiting patiently. Three years later, Fitz isn’t be able to remember the last time Keefe looked at him like that. He just misses it.

“I mean, a kiss?” he said after a moment, scrunching his nose. “You drive a hard bargain. How could I say no?”

Fitz doesn’t miss parties. He doesn’t miss the fake smiles and empty greetings, nor does he miss the noise and the lights and the small flaring headache afterwords. He does, however, miss Keefe.

Surprisingly for such a usually shy person, parties were Keefe’s scene. It was like all his introverted qualities flew out the window once he was in, and in contrast to Fitz, he loved the lights and the music. In the end, Fitz grew to like seeing the younger surrounded by it all.

Keefe also used parties as an even better excuse to flirt with anything that breathes. And more often than not, that ended up being Fitz. Not that he’d ever complain.

“Do you want to leave?” Keefe whispered quietly, leaving the crowd towards where Fitz sat blissfully alone. His hair was messier than when they’d arrived, like someone had run their hands through them, and Fitz’s jaw almost clenched until he remembered that no matter how confident Keefe got under bright lights and crowds, he wouldn’t let people get that close. Well, not anyone but him, of course.

“No I’m fine, go dance,” he waved off, sipping his lushberry juice. Keefe pouted instead.

“I want to dance with you,” he complained softly, tugging at the elder’s arms to get him off the chair.

“I don’t dance,” Fitz reminded, but his words didn’t match his actions as he put the glass down next to him and let Keefe pull him off the chair with a joyful smile. 

The younger pulled him close, his lips almost brushing against Fitz’s ear as he whispered, “Thank you,” and Fitz would’ve kissed him again right there. Alas, there were people around, and he didn’t want to give anyone the wrong idea. 

He’d also rather not have his second kiss have a crowd. Everything was sweeter in secret, wasn’t it?

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

It was. It had to be. It was the same mantra Keefe had been repeating in his head that whole summer. 

There was a reason they weren’t telling anyone. And it wasn’t because they were doing anything wrong. It was just a fun little joke. They tried it once, it felt nice, so they did it again. And again.

It was simple. It was a normal thing to do. No one would say otherwise if they knew. But…they didn’t really need to know either. Best not confuse them.

Keefe was confused enough already.

Fitz was growing taller. He had a few inches on Keefe already, and the younger despised it. Maybe he would’ve hated it less if the other didn’t constantly lord it over him, standing just close enough so Keefe had to tilt his head up to see him, resting his arm around Keefe’s shoulders like it belonged there. They’d been the same height since forever, and Keefe was not going to let himself go down like this.

Especially not considering the way his heart rate sped up when Fitz was leaning over him. He couldn’t let the elder hold that power against him, and he couldn’t let him know. So he took a deep breath and stayed calm when Fitz pushed him into a tree halfway through his tangent about how cool Alvar was.

“Well, that was rude,” Keefe huffed, trying not to shy away from the elder’s bright teal eyes as they stared down at him. “I was talking.”

“I don’t want to talk about Alvar,” Fitz responded, as if it was an excuse. His hand didn’t move from where it was pinned above Keefe’s shoulder.

“You know Fitz, there’s this thing called communication, where you use your words-”

The elder cut him off by layering his lips over Keefe’s in a sweet, chaste kiss that still left Keefe stunned and a little breathless when he pulled away. “I don’t really want to do that either.”

Keefe rolled his eyes, avoiding his gaze. “Yeah I can see that.” But he didn’t stop him from kissing him again.

Kissing Fitz was a pleasant thing when it didn’t leave Keefe spiraling down a hole of Why do you care so much? It was easy not to think, with Fitz’s lips on his, about his father, or his mentors, or any of the small things plauging his life when they pulled away. Kissing Fitz made it feel like he’d never have to go home, like this was his home, and he’d never have to leave. He never wanted to leave.

But those were the same thoughts that kept him up all night that whole summer, as relieving as they were in the moment. Fitz had always felt more like home than anything Keefe had ever called home his entire life. And if he was honest, he never wanted that to change. He never wanted them to change.

He never wanted whatever this was that they were doing to change. He didn’t like the thought of Fitz doing this with anyone else, being this comfortable with anyone else, or sharing his space this much with anyone else, but he had to face that that was the reality. Someday, Fitz would go marry some girl, and all of this, all these remenants of them would be left behind in the past. But Keefe didn’t want to think about all that. He just wanted to enjoy it while it lasted.

Now, Keefe wishes it had lasted a little longer. But then they were in Level 4, and Fitz finally found Sophie, and their lives began to change so rapidly that Keefe just felt like he was along for the ride as everything he’d ever known turned upside-down and faded away. 

Maybe Keefe had known back then too, that it wouldn’t last long, and that that day would have their last kiss, because when he’d pulled away, he’d asked, “You won’t forget me, right?”

Fitz had raised an eyebrow. “What? Where did that come from?”

“Nowhere, just-” Keefe looked back down at the ground as he caught his breath and sorted through his thoughts. “You won’t, right? Ever?”

The elder was only silent for a moment before he admitted, “Keefe, I couldn’t forget you if I tried.”

He was charming, Keefe would give him that. And it made him feel like a shy and red-cheeked kid all over again. 

Sitting in his room years later, with the blush faded and rose-colored glasses lost, Keefe wonders if mememories like those haunted Fitz now, as he tries his hardest to forget him. If those promises meant nothing, and now both of them are nothing, it’s honestly better that they hadn’t told anyone. Looking back, they probably wouldn’t have understood anyways.

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

“Just because you didn’t tell me doesn’t mean I never knew,” Biana continued on, ignoring Fitz’s frozen stare. 

“But…how-”

“I’m your sister Fitz. And you kissed outside my bedroom once,” she admits, turning back to the mirror. "My point being, friends don’t do that.”

“Just because yours don’t-” Fitz cuts himself off as Biana gives him a sharp look in the mirror.

“You hear how ridiculous you sound, don’t you? There’s no point.” She continues pinning up her hair as she adds, “You love him."

Fitz gulps, watching himself go pale in the mirror. “That’s a strong word.”

“Yeah, and the right one," she agrees. "You’ve loved him since we were little kids, and you still do."

“You’re not an empath-" Fitz starts to argue, but Biana doesn’t want to hear it.

"I don’t have to be. I’m your sister," she reminds quaintly. "But he is an empath."

Fitz bites his lip subconsciously, going over the implication. "You think he knows?"

"No. I don't think he ever understood what your emotions meant, and he probably still doesn’t," she admits, looking through the products in front of her. "Especially not with you asking for the jersey back. Honestly, Fitz, what was that?"

"I just wanted all of this to be over," he answers shamefully, looking down at the floor so Biana's eyes in the mirror won’t rip him to pieces.

She slides over next to him, leaning against the wall as well. Her voice is the calmest thing wafting through his head when she speaks. "This is never going to be over unless you face your fears and try to figure out what you actually mean to each other."

It’s easy in theory. But the thought of actually acting on it is giving Fitz a massive headache. “How do I do that?”

“You think, Fitz. It’s a foreign concept, I know,” Biana chuckles, nudging him in the side to make him look at her. “Just sort through your memories. You have millions, we’ve been friends since he was 7. There has to be answer in there somewhere, even if its from when you were little.”

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

Keefe always considered himself a strong eight-year-old. He held his own even when his father battered him down, and he dusted it off with a sigh and moved on. No one helped, definitely not his mom, but that was okay. Keefe could handle it.

He was sure of that. He really could handle it, he had so many times before, watching his father tear up his doodles and drawings, scold him for his childish acts when in the back of his head he couldn’t help wonder, Am I not still a child?  but was too terrified to ask. He would draw more. They would get ripped up again. It was a fine, easy cycle.

He practically lived with the Vackers, regardless of how much his father nagged at him. It was the one thing Keefe liked that he supported.  Keefe didn’t know why, but he learned early on not to question the good things. Fitz and Biana were a safe space, and he would take that gladly. Being at Everglen practically erased whatever distressing moment had taken place right before, and it was easy to laugh, move on, and play bramble without a second thought. It always was.

So why wasn’t it today?

Maybe it was because the drawing was a special one. Him and Fitz, sitting by the edge of the lake, small feet swinging over the water and wind brushing through their hair. He hadn’t even gotten to finish coloring it yellow and brown before his father had snatched it up without a second thought and shredded to pieces without even looking at it. He wouldn’t dare encourage any sort of  foolishness.

The drawing stayed pinned in the back of his mind though, he had his photographic memory to thank for that, and he couldn’t help but feel the slightest remorse as he thought about it, even in Fitz’s room, far away from the man who’d ruined it all in the first place. It was a pretty drawing. It would’ve looked even better finished.

Fitz might have liked it.

Keefe didn’t notice the tears dripping down his cheeks until Fitz made a surprised noise, sitting in front of him with concern etched between his brows, looking far too mature for a nine-year-old.

“Oh,” Keefe realized, wiping his cheek with small hands. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Fitz responded, teal eyes peeled open wide as he watched him. “Are you upset?”

“Only a little. It’s not a big deal,” Keefe tried to wave off. But Fitz, even at this young of an age, was always a gentlemen, and waited silently and encouragingly for Keefe to explain further.

“It’s just…my dad tore apart a drawing I made,” he elaborated, eyes steaming as the tears started coming down faster. He wiped his hands against his cheek more furiously. “I didn’t even get to finish it.”

“Why would your dad do that?” Fitz asked catiously, tilting his head with the curiousty of a young kitten.

Keefe wonders how, even at eight years old, he’d known that Fitz was a Vacker, and because of that he’d never truly understand. “He doesn’t like it when I draw.”

Fitz was silent then, and Keefe was too busy trying to stop his crying to realize, but suddenly small arms were pulling him into a warm embrace and the tear gates flooded, making him give up. “I think it’s really cool that you can draw.”

The younger tried to choke out a thank you, but the tears were choking him and he couldn’t do anything but cry into his friend’s shoulder, letting him hold him and save him from everything that waited outside of his arms, in this room, and back at home. None of it mattered if he had this, anyways. His parents didn’t matter, if there was still someone willing to hold him together. And of course that someone was Fitz.

And of course he’d ask, like always, “Want a blitzenberry muffin?”

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

“Make me blitzenberry muffins.”

“Is that an order?” Fitz questioned, his eyebrow raising as he continued folding his tunics.

Keefe sighed dramatically, throwing himself across the elder’s bed and distracting him. “Can it be? I’m so sick of these books and I need something to bring my dampened spirits up.”

“Dampened spirits, wow, you’re a poet, Keefe,” Fitz applauded, sitting down next to him. The empath flipped his head up towards him, blonde splashing against the green sheets. “What do you even read about? Isn’t empathy kind of straight forward?”

“Not really. Just because I can feel what you’re feeling doesn’t mean I know what it is. For instance-” Keefe laced his hand through Fitz’s, startling him. “Something creepy crawly is going on in your stomach right now, but you’re head’s kinda fuzzy. I think that’s happiness?”

Fitz stopped himself from blushing. “I think so too.” Keefe grinned.

“See, it’s not like the words just come flying at me. People feel emotions differently, which makes it harder to decipher what someone else is feeling. Some emotions are easy, but others, not so much.” He sat up, keeping their hands intertwined. Fitz tried not to stare. “All those books are just theory, trying to teach you certain tells so you can guess emotions more easily. And then like…philosophy or whatever.” 

“Sounds atrociously boring,” the elder commented, tearing his eyes away from their hands and getting lost in the sharp blue of Keefe’s eyes instead. 

He didn’t seem to notice, huffing. “It is. That’s why I want muffins.”

“Valid.” Fitz stood up, yanking the younger along with him towards his room door. “Do you know where the kitchens around here are?”

“Calla showed me one the other day when you were staring into Sophie’s eyes or whatever,” Keefe grumbled. Fitz wonders if it was jealousy, or maybe that was just his wishful thinking. Just because he’s reinspecting their story didn’t mean he can add in details about Keefe that were never really there.

But the tightening grip on his hand was there, ever present, and Fitz hopes that Keefe didn’t notice his heart rate spike right then and there. Had he been that obvious all along? With an empath no less.

Keefe pulled him out of the treehouse and ran down the steps, pulling along Fitz just like he would when they were in Everglen, young and blissfully unaware of how dangerous the world really was. The worst problem at the time must have been Keefe’s parents.

In a bitter, unsurprising way, Fitz remembered they still were.

“There we are, the splendid gnomish kitchens,” Keefe presented with a flourish, cheeky smile flitting across his face as he walked over to the pantry. It was a kitchen alright, but everything was draped in browns and greens, giving the area a  very much earthy vibe to it. Fitz loved it immediatley.

Blitzenberry muffins were routine, and soon enough the batter was being mixed together in a bowl with Keefe sitting on the counter, licking the finger he’d just dipped in without permission and Fitz shaking his head with a smile, always unable to put on a stern face at the younger’s antics. They made him feel rather normal, anyways. Like they weren’t teenage runaways or rebels or anything of the sort.

Keefe stared off into the distance as his finger left his mouth, and Fitz stared at him, watching his eyes glaze and something hard to decipher appear in them. It wasn’t the first time. Something about Keefe had been off lately, like he’d been thinking too much. There was enough to think about anyways, with his mom captured by ogres and his dad waiting back home. Even the pendant around his neck was enough to send him spiraling. 

It was silent for a little too long, and Keefe’s eyes were getting a little too glassy, making the elder feel the need to interupt. “Are you okay-” Fitz started, then a tuft of white blurred his vision like a bakery-smelling blizzard. He coughed, daring to open his eyes wide to a sheepish looking Keefe with flour-stained hands. 

“Sorry.” He didn’t look sorry at all. “Intrusive thoughts.”

Fitz smiled right back, acutely aware of how ridiculous he must have looked as he slowly raised a large handful of flour from behind Keefe using telekineses, then promptly dropped it on his head. “Sorry. Intrusive thoughts.”

Keefe wiped his eyes in disbelief. “Don’t start with me.”

“You’re the one who started it!”

The younger didn’t seem to hear as more flour flew through the air, soon beginning to cover the entire kitchen in white. They ducked and hid behind the counter, laughed loudly like no one could hear them, smiled so hard their cheeks hurt from the motion. Fitz misses the feeling, misses being the cause of Keefe’s ectastic smiles instead of his nervous frowns. He misses the freedom, the moments they shared like this where there wasn’t a single other person in the world but each other, not another pair of eyes he’d ever care to look into. There wasn’t anything to see.

He misses Keefe. And his hair and his smirk and everything he’d been working hard to ignore and weave into their history just to leave them there, where they belong. But how could they belong there if Biana was right?

How could he forget about Keefe when he’d known him since they were kids?

“You’re my best friend,” Fitz spoke, breathless watching the white powder float down in the air around them like snow, like the winters they’d spent as children by the lake with ice skating and never ending adventure. Keefe was his best friend then too. Hadn’t he always been?

Hadn’t he always loved him?

“Yeah. Obviously.” Keefe smiled, shaking the flour out of his hair in Fitz’s direction, but the action was boyish enough to make his foolish heart long for a past they couldn’t reach back into. At least they had moments like this. 

Not forever though.

“Nothing’s going to change, not for me and you,” Keefe added, smile softening and making the other’s heart melt right out of his ribcage.

Fitz wishes he hadn’t lied.

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

Leaping to Everglen is something Keefe is used to, but leaping straight onto the property will never fail to catch him off guard now that the gates have been taken away. Just another testament to how much has changed. 

The way to Fitz’s room didn’t, however, so Keefe’s steps are a trail he’d walked many times before, straight down to the same door he had spent so much his childhood hidden behind. The jersey in his hands weighs more than it should, like instead of just giving back a piece of cloth, he’s about to hand over their past and everything they’d ever known. His place behind that door. 

Or maybe he’s just overthinking it. Maybe he’s spent the whole day overthinking it, like the dramatic little boy he is. Things change, Keefe, the voice in his head reminds. You have to too.

He takes a deep breath, steels his face, and knocks before he can back out and leave it in Biana’s room with a note like a loser.

“Come in.” Keefe does.

The room is dark. His eyes take a moment to adjust before he notices Fitz buried underneath the blankets of his bed, staring blankly at the dark ceiling. Teal eyes lift themselves up to catch his. “Oh.”

It isn;t a bad oh, but it certainly not a good one either, and Keefe finds himself wanting to leave even faster than he came. “I found the jersey, I just thought I’d drop it o-”

“No, keep it,” Fitz decides, pushing himself up to a sitting position so he’s leaning against his pillows. 

Keefe blinks in confusion. “What?”

“Keep the jersey, I don’t want it back,” he repeats, but Keefe still doesn’t understand. That isn’t what he had said that morning. All he said was that he wanted it returned!

“But you-”

“I was wrong,” Fitz shruggs. The younger can’t see him too clearly in the dark but if he’sstill wearing his nonchalant perfect Vacker smile, Keefe’s going to have a meltdown.

Or maybe he is regardless. “What do you want from me?”

Fitz might frown, Keefe can’t tell, but he sounds startled when he responds. “What do you mean?”

“I try to go and apologize to you for everything, and you don’t even let me start before you’re asking for the jersey back, and now you don’t want it anymore?!” Keefe catches his breath, eyes burning. “What were you wrong about? I wouldn’t want to be around me either.”

“I never said tha-”

“You didn’t have to.” Keefe drops the jersey to the ground, trying to keep the tears from falling out of his eyes. “I can’t even pretend to know what’s going on in your head anymore, Fitz, but that’s exactly what you wanted. And I can’t blame you, I’ve screwed this up two more times than I should have.”

“I missed you. Both times, but especially this last one. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I left and…” Keefe shakes his head, sighing under his breath. He’d practiced this more than enough times before today but here he is, and the words have run off once more, leaving his mouth dry. “I didn’t mean it like that. I would do so many things for you, Fitz, but I couldn’t stay. And I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry I can’t be someone you still want.”

“Keefe that’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever said.” A record player scratches in Keefe’s mind, prompting him to look up again. Fitz is climbing out of his bed as he speaks. “Of course I still want you. I spent so much time missing you, and convincing myself you would be okay, and that all of this would be okay that I didn’t even stop to notice that it wasn’t. I don’t want the jersey back, because I want it to be with you. I want you to have the memories-”

“I don’t want memories,” he interrupts. Fitz stops right in front of him, looking down at his eyes and making Keefe gulp. That godforsaken height difference will never go away, will it? “I… That summer, I don’t know if I was imagining it but-”

Fitz grabs his hand and suddenly Keefe is hit with purple butterflies and crimson vines wrapping their way around his chest tight enough to suffocate him. “You’re not imagining anything.”

If those are Fitz’s emotions he’s feeling, and if he’s looking into his eyes like that, and if he’d meant it all back then, then maybe there isn’t much to make excuses for anymore when he leans in.

Keefe had missed it, the feeling of Fitz so close, his emotions flowing through the younger’s veins, so much stronger now, so much more desperate. Like they’d been starved for too long. Even the stupid bend in his neck when Fitz tilts his head up with a hand on his chin is nostalgic in a way.

It’s still dark, but that doesn’t stop Fitz’s eyes from twinkling when they separate, noses so close they were touching. Keefe could feel his breath hit his cheek as he whispered, tracing a finger along his cheekbones. “It’s always been you.”

[celiastjamesoscar]

Masterlist

A/N: collection of stuff I’ve written. I also don’t know what a word count is, so heads up!

Requests: Open

Current request list: 11

Fluff: 🍦

Angst: 🗡️

Personal favorite: 🛼

Smut: 🎃

REQUESTING

I will write smut, it just depends on what it is and if I’m comfortable with writing it

I will write romantic or platonic

I write for fem and gender neutral readers

I won’t write for male readers

——————————————————————————

Wednesday Addams

Luminous Waters 🍦

You drag your girlfriend Wednesday to a beautiful pond that you discovered and enjoy the stars together. (3.1K words)

Exile 🗡️🗡️🛼

you and Wednesday were best friends when you were kids, but after Nero’s death, she became cold and distant, and your former friendship turned into a rivalry. Ten years after your friendship ended, unusual circumstances force you two back together. (12.3K words)

Like Real People Do 🍦

Wednesday has been running through your mind, plaguing your every thought. So when you go out one night to get a grasp on these thoughts, you run into the Addams, who was suffering from thoughts about you. (2.3K words)

To Be Alone

Being alone was something special to Wednesday, but being alone with you was sacred. And she refused to share you with anyone else, even if that meant owning up to her feelings (2.7K words)

Tara Carpenter

Devil in the Details 🗡️🗡️🛼

Tara accidentally runs into on campus, and she’s immediately enchanted by you and asks you for help. You give her the wrong advice and she holds it against you. (12K words)

Himbo Next Door 🍦

you met Tara in the elevator your apartment and you two awkwardly hit it off. You begin to form a situationship with her, but Sam disapproves of you. (5.5K words)

Jenna Ortega

Drafting it up…

Sam Carpenter

No Hard Feelings 🗡️🍦🛼 pt 2 🍦🗡️ pt 3 🍦

Tara makes plans with you to go to dinner and watch a movie, but she forgets and can’t go. So she sends Sam in her place (17.1K total words)

Umbrella Paradox 🍦 Pt 2 🍦🍦

When visiting a local cafe shop late one night, you meet the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen, but you get off on the wrong foot. (12.9K total words)

Sweat and Serendipity 🍦

While working out at your local gym, you run into someone you haven’t seen before. (4.9K words)

Wildest Dreams 🗡️🍦🛼

you are helplessly head over heels for Sam, even though she despises you. But your relationship with her changes when you get in a lightly physical altercation with her.(6.3K words)

Would that I 🗡️

You accidentally ran into someone at a frat party, and she quickly became your best friend. But you fell for her sister, who wouldn’t even give you the time of the day (this is a shitty description) (6.8K words)

Talk 🎃🍦

Sam was never used to being treated with tenderness, but she loved the way you treated her like she was the most fragile thing you ever held. She craved your soft kisses, and she needed you (1.38K words)

Say Yes to Heaven 🗡️🗡️🍦🛼

It was never Sam’s intention to fall in love with you, but after countless nights tangled up in sheets together, she fell for you. But her love came with consequences, and she knew she could never provide you with the life you needed. So she broke up her arrangement with you, breaking your heart in the process as well. (11.8K words)

Happiness is a Butterfly 🗡️🍦

the plan was to tell you at some point, but Sam didn’t know how. Only when you find out by accident about your girlfriend’s activities, does Sam realize the consequences of continuing her father’s legacy. (9.9K words)

Cinnamon Girl 🍦🛼

Getting a dog wasn’t the best idea, but Sam grew to love the fur ball when she found out you were the dog’s vet. (8.6K words)

Jeans 🎃🍦

It had been too long since you had Sam, and you desperately needed her. (1.3K words)

We fell in love in October 🍦

Late night talks with Sam were always your favorite, especially on the roof while you two admired the sky together. (3.0K words)

Comfort Holds 🍦

A long day at work leads the best kind of de-stressing at home: Sam holding you. (1.7k words)

Wish I Knew You 🍦

Unofficial meant many things to people, but to college students it meant one thing: party. But unofficial takes a turn when you get into a fight, and Sam has to walk you home. (3.5K words)

Night Shift 🗡️🍦

Sam blamed you for the 2022 attacks, she blamed you for everything. But guilt drives people into blindness, and Sam eventually finds herself seeking your comfort. (18.0 words)

Smut Headcanons

Natasha Romanoff

Clean 🍦🍦

when Natasha comes back hurt from a mission, she lets you clean her wounds. (3.6K words)

Wanda Maximoff

Champagne Problems 🗡️🍦

You were going to propose to Wanda, but a stupid argument ruined your night, and maybe even your relationship. Can you fix it before it’s too late? (3.8K words)

[spinningwebsandtales]

The Shape of You Pt. 5

Michael Myers X FemReader

Rating: M

Warnings: Michael attacks reader, mentions of death, bruising, choking, steamy parts, lots of kissing (this is just the beginning), angst, arguing, and mentions of blood

Word Count: 6.8k

Part 1: here Part 2: here Part 3: here Part 4: here Part 6: here

Taglist: @the-marshals-wife @msghostface @izumima @cavern-creature @101killer @scooby-the-soviet-soldier​ 

(A/N:) Hello lovely readers and followers of this series! This part was a booger to write as it fought me basically every step of the way. I had to do a time skip though as I felt it was time and I was beyond ready to get to the good stuff! So I still have no absolute idea when this series will end but I’m trying to get chapters out as fast as I can and write for other fandoms and characters I’m interested in at the moment. I’m trying to keep them longer chapters as well so I can put as much detail and moments in without overwhelming everyone. Also all the comments and reblogs are so amazing and I can’t thank my readers enough! Y’all are so awesome and thank you to all the ones sticking with it through every part release! Until next time happy reading! ~Countess

After that night Michael stayed with you after the incident he never left your side. Michael made it a habit to stay with you and sleep in the same bed, and you couldn’t bring yourself to kick him out. Just his presence alone made you feel safer and the warmth he added under your blankets made the bed even cozier. After the bruising and assault from Ian, Michael checked you over every day when you came home. He didn’t care if it meant he would be back behind those blindingly white walls, if you were ever hurt like that again there would be no stopping him from doing whatever he wanted to the person who deemed it acceptable to hurt you. Now as a few months had passed and a routine had came naturally into your lives you found yourself looking forward to returning home after work. Home had used to be your place of alone time and escaping. But now the dark that always greeted you after your shift turned into one of light and the attention Michael gave you as soon as you stepped through the door always made your heart flutter.

 But still deep inside you were frustrated that nothing had happened between you two. There was always the gentle touches and looks but you wondered what his lips felt like. What did he taste like? It was driving you crazy that you tried not to dwell upon such thoughts, though your mind like to conjure them up. Especially when you had quiet moments with Michael around. He had yet to catch you watching him more than the TV when you both had your regular movie nights every Friday night. Unsurprisingly horror flicks were his favorites. Surprisingly Michael had a slight fondness for romantic flicks and you found yourself whisked away from whatever you were doing when you least expected it to dance around the living room or carried to your bed or couch for impromptu snuggling sessions. But still no kiss. No tender touches of exploration. You were going to go mad if the dam didn’t break sooner or later. You’ve sheltered him for months now and you could tell feelings were emerging from yourself, you tried to show that they were there but you didn’t want to scare him. You didn’t want this dance to end and you most certainly didn’t want to see him taken away. So you decided, though it hurt, that you would let Michael move first. If he had any feelings toward you or wanted whatever between you two to flourish it would be on him.

 While some people would think that you were asking too much of him, they didn’t understand that Michael had to make his own decisions. Deep inside you had chosen yours and you couldn’t push it on to him. You couldn’t torture yourself with the thought of him not wanting anything more between you two. You sucked in a breath trying to concentrate on your sketch while Michael’s deep brown and icy blue eyes focused on your movements. His own sketchbook on his lap he tried to copy what you were doing and it was distracting you. While Michael’s skills were growing every day and he showed so much potential, yours were suffering as you had been unable to finish anything with him sitting so closely and his gaze so intense. You could have sworn he was heating the room just by his stare alone and you were very aware how much his body was pressed against yours. You chewed on your lip going back to concentrating but his thigh pressed harder against yours as he leaned in a little closer, then his warm breath was puffing against your neck, almost causing you to snap your pencil in half. Your body shook and Michael had no idea what he was doing to you. He continued to stare at your abandoned paper waiting for your next move when you closed it. He cocked his head concerned with the sudden difference in your body language and expression. He knew you didn’t have to go to work tomorrow since it was Saturday night, so worried about facing another day with Ian was definitely not on your mind. You always assured him anyway that Ian was never going to be a problem again, you hoped anyway.

“I think that’s enough for tonight,” you stood up abruptly causing Michael to have to move out of your way. “I’m tired so I think I’ll go to bed.”

You started to walk off but before you were two steps away from Michael, who still sat on the couch, his firm grip clasped around your wrist. You looked backwards trying to hide the tears from your frustration so he wouldn’t think he did something wrong. Despite his demeanor beforehand Michael was a kind person, especially when it came to you. He pointed to the clock on the wall wordlessly and you didn’t need him to speak to understand what he was trying to say. It wasn’t even 7 yet and you were heading to bed. Now he would really be able to tell something was wrong.

“Sorry Michael,” you replied before letting him lead you back to the couch. “I guess I’ve had a long week.”

“We can watch TV instead,” he suggested. While he still had yet to talk much, leaving you to carry most of your conversations. He had become better these past few months that he spoke more often and let you know what he was thinking more.

Breathing deeply you relaxed yourself, unwilling to hurt him or make him think something was horribly wrong between you two. You nodded, pasting a wavering smile on your lips.

“Sure Michael I’d like that very much.”

He watched you bypass the part of the couch you had been occupying for the last hour to sit in a lone chair that you had forsaken for these many months. Michael just chalked it up that you were needing some space that you both had talked about not too long ago. He started channel surfing trying to decide on something you both would enjoy. Fortunately a channel was playing on of you two’s favorite movie and all the awkwardness was forgotten within moments. Though you still did not move back to the couch.

After watching a couple hours of TV you decided to go to bed, still too early for a weekend night, so Michael stayed up a little longer. You were glad he was taking a little bit longer to come to bed as it left you to think and calm yourself within the quiet and dark room. Guilt began to eat at your being as you knew Michael didn’t understand your behavior and he didn’t deserve to be treated like the way you had done to him. Life wasn’t fun walking on eggshells around each other and if you didn’t get a hold of yourself that was exactly what was going to happen between you both. You wearily rubbed your face with the palms of your hands. Sometimes life handed you problems you couldn’t solve so easily. Sometimes they came in the form of unexplained emotions towards a knife wielding serial killer. You chuckled darkly as you didn’t like to think of Michael that way. There was more to him than just some psycho with a knife. He had his own emotions as well and thoughts. What could his thoughts possibly be on you? Did he see a moody woman that he rather not deal with? Or did he see a woman just as confused as him on the growing emotions between you two.

 Your head began to hurt as you spiraled down in your thoughts. Despair grew into frustration making you want to punch the wall. That would definitely bring the large man running to see what was wrong, so you refrained, barely. You hadn’t really lied to him when you said you had a long week, so exhaustion finally took a hold of you despite the whirlpool pulling you down. You yawned widely snuggling deep in the blankets. The clock read 10 when you heard the squeak of the bedroom door’s hinges before feeling the mattress dip with Michael’s familiar weight. Drifting off you heard him rustling around with the blankets as he tucked himself in before an arm draped over your waist and you were pulled into his chest. You melted, the safety radiating off of him like warmth from a cozy winter fire. While you remained confused you knew deep inside that whatever came from this, you never regretted any decisions you made up to this point. With a small smile and the quiet breathing of Michael you fell into deep restful sleep.

Weeks went by and the dance between you and Michael continued, much to your frustration and that frustration made you moody. Michael couldn’t figure out what could be happening to you and what had shortened your fuse so much. He was comfortable where he was at and he couldn’t realize what had you so riled up everyday. You flinched if he got too close, you didn’t want to sit by him, and sometimes if he held you while trying to go to bed you wiggled your body away from his. One night you went so far as to leave to go sleep on the couch. It hurt him to think that he had done something to hurt or anger you. He left you alone while you showered and he hadn’t made an effort to sit close to you while you sat in other chairs besides the couch. But now he was growing frustrated with you and the lack of communication between the both of you. Did you regret bringing him here? Were you tired of hiding and taking care of him? If you felt that way you needed to tell it to his face as he would rather leave then leave you in misery by his presence alone.

 With Michael questioning everything as you were, sparks flew and arguments began to happen between you both. One moment silence was between you two and then everything exploded. You had just came home from your shift when you walked in to see all the lights turned off. Michael was nowhere to be found and you found your heart stop at the possibilities running through your mind on what could have happened. When he stepped out of your extra room holding his sketch pad you melted in relief, before that turned into a fierce anger that you couldn’t explain.

“What are you doing,” you shouted slamming your purse on the living room floor. “You scared me! I thought you left or something happened to you!”

Michael looked at you surprisingly before anger took over his features. He turned away knowing that if he wasn’t careful he could lose control of himself. “Don’t walk away from me! Every freaking day you are in the living room waiting for me to come home and now you just think you’re going to change things up?!” You paused seeing Michael turn stiffly a new look you had yet to see blazing in his eyes. One that had never been reserved for you, but now you were poking The Shape of Haddonfield and he didn’t like it. You had been living with him for so long and seeing the gentler side of the man that you never thought about the side that had plagued the town for so many years. You stuttered stepping backwards an apology forming on your lips as you had no idea where these harsh words had come from, though you had a pretty good idea. This was bound to happen sooner or later because of the way you had been acting. Walking on eggshells could only go so long until somebody exploded. First you blew up and that lit the fuse that had laid dormant within Michael’s subconscious. Now the fuse was dwindling down to the powder keg at the end and you had to find some way to stop it before he painted your walls with your blood.

“Michael…” you whimpered.

His hand shot out taking you by the throat and you gasped at the tightness of the grip. Gone was the tender grip you had come to known and love. This was The Shape in all his horrific glory. While his blue eye always remained sightless the brown that had always glowed at you warmly was blank with rage. He lifted you from the ground your feet dangling inches from the carpet. One of your work shoes slipped off your foot to clatter against the floor. You gasped and clawed at his tight fingers but if you cut him or hurt him Michael didn’t seem to notice. “Stupid woman,” he spoke and you knew Michael’s victims never heard him speak before their end and you knew that if he did that they would die from the sheer terror of his voice alone. You had come to know his tone as the man you were beginning to love but no trace could be found in this horrifying moment. You pushed him to this and now you feared you were going to pay the consequences. If he would regret it later you were beginning to think that you were never going to know.

“I-I’m s-sor…sorry,” you choked. Gasping out the words as his grip tightened further. If your apology was what calmed him or your voice penetrated the fog you wouldn’t know. Michael dropped you and you fell the floor sprawled out as his feet as you held your throat and coughed. He looked down at you horrified as he saw the marks beginning to form from where his fingers had squeezed brutally at your tender neck. Tears were streaming down your cheeks as you looked at him with open terror on your face.

“(Y/N),” Michael started but you got up as quickly as you could and rushed to the bedroom and slammed the door shut locking it. Knowing that Michael could break down the door if he wanted to but you didn’t care. Whatever had just happened, the fact that he got mad enough to do something so horrific as strangle you had you contemplating turning him in. Whatever had transpired and grown between you both was at the far reaches of your mind as you remembered the strength of his grip and the weightlessness you felt when he picked you up off the floor. You touched your throbbing neck whimpering at the bruising. What Ian had done to you was bad enough but this, you never thought Michael would go so far as to hurt you this badly. Surely you would have not survived if whatever had penetrated his darkness hadn’t reached his more lucid side that had been buried beneath his old wounds.

Michael stood there in stunned silence as you raced away. He flinched at the sound of your bedroom door slamming and he could hear your sobs behind the wood of the door. Unbridled remorse hit him, knocking him to the floor at the horror of what he had just done to you. Here he was vowing to protect you from anybody who wished to bring you harm and here he was almost killing you with his own hands. And for what? Just getting angry at him? Sure it was uncalled for, but something had been bothering you for awhile. He should have asked you about it, talked it out before it got to this point. But he couldn’t lie to himself he had been afraid of what you could have said. Would you make him leave? Were you tired of this game between you both? He didn’t know but it was going to take a miracle if you ever felt the same about him now. Wounds were made and he didn’t think that they were ever going to heal now. If he wanted to he would have screamed in anguish, but it wouldn’t help and out of the both of you, you were the most hurt of them all.

You cried yourself to sleep behind your bedroom door, not trusting Michael to stay away and finish the job he started. You no longer felt safe in your own home and with a hoarse voice you called into work the next morning and didn’t leave your bedroom once that day. You called in for the next day that afternoon as you waited for night to come. You didn’t feel safe leaving your room until Michael fell asleep. You didn’t care how hungry or thirsty you got throughout the day, you refused to leave the sanctuary you had created. While it was false security, if Michael really wanted in nothing would stop him from doing whatever he wanted, it was still a comfort. A door and walls between you both was something that brought you relief. As night fell you quietly sneaked out of your bedroom to see all the lights off and no sign of the large man looming anywhere. At the end of the hallway you saw his laid out form on your couch, with quieter steps you made your way to the kitchen unaware that Michael was indeed awake and watching you out of the corner of his eye. He made no move to scare you as he knew that everything hinged on you getting the space you would need to heal. He grimaced at the sight of the bruises circling your skin, the bruises he had put there and was now regretting horribly. 

As you stayed separate from him he wallowed in grief the overwhelming despair of hurting you so badly. He choked on regret every moment you hid from him, but he couldn’t bring himself to move just yet. It would take time and space to get you to open up. You grabbed water and a few items to eat before dropping them into your room before making your way quietly to the bathroom. Once again you shut the door and locked yourself from the world and him. You ate and drank before going back to bed, sobbing more until you tired yourself out. The next day you stayed in your room again and Michael paced the floor restlessly. He was beginning to miss your smile and carefree attitude. He shattered the peace like an idiot. You were going to get mad sometimes, it’s human nature. He had no right to lose himself to his temper and hurt you so severely. He needed what you two had back immensely as it was the only thing holding him together. He didn’t want to hurt or make you run further away from him, but he couldn’t take a moment longer. He had to set things right, to see what made you go off and what he could do to fix it. This was never what he had planned and you were too important to let it go on.

 He made his way down the hall before turning back from your door. He paced more back and forth his bare feet soundless against the carpet. He heard your muffled sobs and pitiful sniffles. You were suffering as much as him, maybe more as he knew your throat had to hurt. His strength boundless and your body so fragile. He vowed to protect you and who would protect you from him? Hours passed and he couldn’t bring himself to knock, until the sun had set and the darkness had covered the house. You still hadn’t emerge, it couldn’t be good for your health. Enough was enough, he had to fix this before everything became worse. He knocked quietly and your sobs stopped. Nothing was said and you made no move to open the door or acknowledge his presence. Michael tried again and waited, before knocking the third time. Finally he got some form of reply but it wasn’t the one he was searching for.

“Go away,” you yelled your voice unused and raw from the bruises at your throat.

“I’m,” Michael tried to start but something slammed into the door.

“I don’t want to hear it!”

The monster before knocked at the surface and Michael smothered him back down, taking a deep breath to calm himself he knocked again. You huffed getting more angry at his persistence but he wouldn’t back down. Not when it came to earning your forgiveness and bringing you back to the woman you had been before. All this was mainly for your sake and a little bit for his benefit as he couldn’t take the guilt any longer.

“I’m sorry,” he said quickly, before you could interrupt again. “I hurt you and I can’t take it anymore. Please.”

You glared at the door your guard not wavering until you heard a thud. Michael hit his forehead against the wood, drowning in the bitterness welling inside. His throat swelled and he could feel the sting of tears threatening the corner of his eyes. He couldn’t remember the last time he was even close to crying, but here he was about to bawl like a newborn just at the thought of never being able to earn your forgiveness and at the thought of your abandoning him.

“Please,” he pleaded hoping to tug at your heartstrings.

Hearing the emotions in his voice, a rarity as he normally spoke calmly without anything overtaking his tone. You slid from your bed stepping softly towards the door as you didn’t want to raise his hopes too high in case it was a trick and he was just using your softhearted being to finish what he had started two days ago. When he didn’t make a move to break down the door or speak you sighed finally ready to give him a slight chance to make things right.

“I’m sorry too,” you said right behind the door.

Michael’s head jolted upwards hearing how close you were to him. He could almost feel your skin under his palm and the puff of your breath against his cheek stirring his curly hair.

“You didn’t try to strangle me to death,” he chuckled darkly.

“Well I shouldn’t have snapped at you,” you sighed again before sliding down the door to set in front of it. You still didn’t trust him enough to open the door and he really couldn’t blame you. “I haven’t felt myself in awhile and it’s not your fault. It’s mine for not talking to you about it sooner.”

“I should of asked too,” Michael sat placing his back against the door too. He tried to imagine that it wasn’t the door but you pressed up against him and it made talking a little bit easier, as he still had a hard time dealing with closed doors. “Can you open the door and we can talk?”

You thought about it seriously before the terror inside won out. “No. I’d do most of the talking anyway and I don’t feel comfortable around you yet.”

Michael sighed anguish gripping him before he made himself get up. You heard him retreating, only to hear the bathroom door squeak open and the faucet begin to run in the tub. He didn’t return and your curiosity got the better of you. Opening the door a crack you peeked out to see the bathroom door still open and the light on. The running water hid the sound of your movements but as if he had a sixth sense about you, Michael suddenly appeared in the hallway. You squeaked trying to get the door closed and locked again before he could enter in. His movements were too fast and he caught the edge just before you could shut it for good, you sobbed as the door swung open and you fell backwards. You just knew this was the end as he loomed over your smaller form. Michael scooped you up wordlessly, holding you to his broad chest. You struggled and fought, beating your fists against wherever part of him you could reach, but unsurprisingly it did nothing to faze the giant of a man.

“Put me down,” you squalled like a cat who’s tail got stepped on. “Why are you doing this to me?! Haven’t you hurt me enough?!”

Your words stung but still Michael did not let you go. He stepped into the bathroom, the water still pouring from the faucet where he plopped you unceremoniously into the tub, clothes and all. You stared up at him dumbly, mouth agape as you now sat soaked in the hot water.

“What,” you sputtered splashing a little water towards him. “What was that for?!”

Naturally Michael did not reply but stooped down his face right in yours. Your heart stopped for a moment before he pressed his forehead to yours. His body language melted before he reached into the water. His arm wrapped around your waist tugging you up towards him. You pressed your palms against his chest trying to keep yourself from being brought too close but all fight left you when you felt his lips press against yours. You stiffened, your yelp of shocked muffled by him. You felt your body being pressed against the tub as he continued to move forward his body caging yours in as the water sloshed at his entrance into the tub. His lips never leaving yours he kissed you deeply. Michael lost himself in the taste his one arm keeping you as close as possible while his other hand kept him from smashing you with his weight. He quickly became intoxicated leaving your lips to nibble at your tender bruises. You moaned trying to push him but quit when he bit your collarbone softly. Michael explored your skin, breathing deeply and lavishing you with his attention. Finally you melted, the tension floating away on the water during the impromptu make out session in the tub. You stroked his head pressing his mouth closer to your neck before pressing little kisses to his temple. 

Michael grunted kissing back up your neck to your jaw before taking your lips once again. He forcefully parted your lips with his tongue and the taste of you weakened his knees. He wobbled almost losing his grip and coming crashing down before he regained focus. He licked, tasted, and explored uncharted territory. He was unexperienced as you were too but he quickly knew what he wanted to do and explored to see what you enjoyed. You pressed him closer winding a leg up to his hip like you were trying to melt right into his being. He released you for air, taking in two big gulps before going back. You sighed and whimpered fighting between pulling him closer or shoving him away. You still wanted to be mad at him, but this was what you were craving all along and his taste was one you were never going to forget. Minutes passed and Michael left no inch of your face and neck uncharted with his eager mouth. Along with the bruises you were going to have to hid his little markings of affection. Your chest heaved and cheeks flushed a bright blood red as the intimacy settled down. Michael climbed off of you leaving puddles in his wake.

“Enjoy your bath,” he whispered, voice hoarse from trying to control himself. “We’ll talk more when you’re done.”

Honestly you were beginning to wonder if he meant talk as in talk about what had happened days ago or talk as in what the heck had just happened this very moment in your bathroom. Your lips were swollen and your heart raced while your whole body longed for more. These were feelings no man had ever brought before, unexplored and exciting mixed with a little terror. Pulling the plug you let the water out since it was dirty from you both and running fresh hot water while you stripped your sodden clothes to leave in a dripping pile in the corner. Running more water you heard the door ease back open and Michael placed a fresh pair of your favorite pajama pants and one of his shirts on the counter without staring. You gazed longingly as he left back out into the hallway and shutting the door all the way. Your heart leapt at seeing a new mark of progress from the man.

Michael touched his trembling hands to his lips, the memory of your soft plush mouth against his still fresh he felt the phantom pressure without kissing you. He listened to the soft splashes of you enjoying the hot soak while cleaning the memories of the last two days away. While you had stayed away from fear, Michael had retreated from the guilt of his actions towards you. He couldn’t stand the thought of the way you would look at him after he almost throttled the life from you. He thought that his anger wouldn’t bring him to harm even a hair on your head, but his actions had proved him otherwise. He vividly remembered the horror glazing your eyes as you clawed at the tight grip before he dropped you to the floor. If the horror in your face hadn’t snapped him out of his fog the look of pure revulsion and fearfulness humbled him immediately. He couldn’t say a word before you had retreated and locked yourself away.

 Then he had to endure your misery and sound of you trying to silently cry, but failing, as he heard every single whimper and tear. And with every sound of your misery it wrenched the knife deeper in his heart, knowing that he was the cause of this pain and anguish that consumed you. The silence that used to be his friend was deafening. He couldn’t take the thought of your smiles no longer lighting the room or your laugh echoing through his mind. Michael gripped his head, a headache settling in from the stress that had been kept at bay for those two days. Now that you were back in his presence it seemed like he had hope again and the fear of losing that was about too much to bear. The moment Michael began to start spiraling down into emotions that he had purged from himself a long time ago threatened to consume him, he heard the water begin to drain from the tub in the bathroom. Like the steam that billowed out of the bathroom and faded with the change of temperature so did Michael’s turbulent conscience at the sight of you. 

You towel dried your hair, now dressed in comfortable clothes while his shirt swallowed you. He had to take moment to keep himself from scooping you back up, just to carry you back to the bedroom and kiss you until you were breathless. You both needed to talk and despite the opposite feelings trying to control him this time, things needed clearing up and maybe after everything between you got fixed, you would be open to more embraces like had happened in your bathtub. You slipped by brushing your hand against Michael’s gaining his attention. He followed behind you towards the couch his heart starting to beat harder. You sat first while he stood before you unsure if he needed to sit close to you at this moment. While not too long ago he was basically shoving his tongue down your throat, that was in the heat of the moment where he was drunk off just the touch of you after so long. Now he was sober by his sense of morality, but you smiled and patted the seat at your side. 

Michael took the offer, sitting stiffly and awkwardly while you just stared at the floor unable to think on how to start the conversation. You both were in this mess from lack of communication, you knew it wouldn’t be solved by quiet awkwardness. There wasn’t anything spectacularly interesting about the floor but you and Michael looked at every grain in the wood like it was the most fascinating thing in the world. Deep down you wanted Michael to start talking but the more reasonable side knew better, so you cleared your throat. Michael jolted like you had just shocked him before he gripped his pants leg still staring holes in the floor.

“I’m sorry I snapped at you the other night,” you started, ready but nervous on telling the reason behind everything.

“I’m sorry I almost killed you,” Michael’s voice trembled.

“Well you didn’t. That has to count for something,” you chuckled darkly. “But I pushed you and that was wrong too.”

  Michael didn’t know what else to say, everything buried beneath tons of dark past and secrets couldn’t be uncovered in just moments. It was going to take him years to recover from so much abuse, but he could strive to heal the abuse he had put you through as it was fresh and staying on the surface of your being. So he didn’t say another word, he wanted this moment to be yours as you needed to reveal and relieve yourself from some things you had been tamping down, apparently for awhile. It took a couple moments for you to gain some courage before you took his hands. Michael started again at the sudden touch but softened when you started stroking his skin with your thumb. Tracing the scars and imperfections on his skin you distracted yourself to give a little time to finalize what you were going to say.

“I can’t say how you feel Michael, though what just happened before my bath gives me some idea, and I’m not going to force you into anything,” you looked back up into his eyes only for the intense gaze causing you to focus back on his hands. “But I’ve had feelings a little after I brought you home with me. It’s not just friend feelings as it is something more. I know that you are still working through some stuff and healing from it every day. As am I. We are all beings trying to make our way through this world, it’s just some of us are more broken than others and require more time and treatment than others. I’m not forcing myself on you and you don’t have to return these feelings, especially if they’re confusing for you.” You had tears flowing from your eyes. Michael took one of his hands from your to brush the tears with kind gentle strokes. “But I have to tell you that’s why I have been so cranky. That’s why I snapped. I would like more but now that you know I can be patient. I can’t do more than tell you unless you want me the same way. There’s no pressure ‘cause I want to be here for you always as you have been here for me. I was really lonely before you and now I’m the happiest I’ve ever been and thank you Michael for everything.”

  Now that you had said your piece you still couldn’t bring yourself to look at him, afraid of what you could possibly see. Michael eased his digits to tangle with yours as he moved his other hand from your damp cheek to your chin. With a curled pointer finger he lifted your chin while your lower lip trembled in fear. He kissed your forehead gaining your attention and your gaze. You relished in the touch before Michael kissed you again, the fog in his mind and heart giving way to elation when you kissed back. He had dumbly waited for you to return his feelings, only to be fearful that you had no willingness to return them. Now here you were confessing the very thing he wanted to hear the first time he met you. Hearing everything though made him a little sad, just because he yearned for you to have someone better than him, but he selfishly pushed them away longing to keep you forever.

“My hands have done terrible things,” he warned when he parted from your lips. You smiled sorrowfully taking the hand that held the knife, took the life of so many people, and hurt your throat. Watching in fascination Michael let you do what you needed to. You explored his fingertips, parting the digits from one another, and surveying the veins running under his thick skin. Michael sucked in a breath when you laid one kiss on his fingertip, before moving to the next one. Not one finger missed being blessed by the touching of your lips.

“Let’s work on getting them to do wonderful things now,” the beaming glow on your face could have made the sun jealous. All Michael could do was dumbly nod as you got up and walked to your bedroom. He watched you leave and when you finally disappeared he looked at his hand that you had kissed so tenderly. He could still feel the tingle of your touch and it made his cheeks flush even darker. He didn’t know he could still blush. After moments of just staring he lifted his fingers to his mouth brushing his lips against his digits like you did. It wasn’t the same as your touch but he could have sworn he still felt the touch of you.

In your bedroom you retreated to take a moment as everything had finally come to light and the sudden daringness that had come over you as you had confessed and kissed his hand several times. Did he find it weird that you had lavished such attention on his hand? You felt silly for doing what you did now but you wanted to explore and show him that you loved every part of him, even the parts that had hurt you so viciously. Would everything be awkward now between you or would that wall that had kept you both at bay disappear leaving things to grow? You couldn’t be sure until the days passed. 

You trembled at the adrenaline in your veins mixed with a little bit of nerves before the door swung open. Michael stood there, a look upon his face that you were not familiar with. A jolt of fear pierced you at the thought that you had pushed too far again and he didn’t like it. That concern was quickly dashed when Michael bolted forward pulling you towards his body. You melted in his tight embrace before he was kissing you again. You moaned in his mouth letting him sneak his eager tongue in to intertwine with yours while he backed you up to your bed. Your legs hit the mattress before you fell backwards. Careful not to crush you beneath his weight Michael loomed over you before engaging your mouth again. It was a battle you would gladly lose as his comforting weight caused you to sink further into the mattress. You giggled giddily at the feel of his curly hair tickling your cheek as he nibbled at the skin of your neck before yelping at the harsh bite of his teeth.

“You’ve already marked me with bruises I have to hide,” you scoffed teasingly. “I don’t need bite marks to hide either Michael.”

His only answer was another bite to your neck, one that wasn’t as harsh this time. He tempered his excitement as he didn’t want to hurt you but he was riding a high and elation that you had brought forth as the doubts in his head had been dashed. When he had his fill he released you from his grip to lay at your side. He pulled you back in tangling you in his arms where he breathed in your sweet scent. You nuzzled deep in his chest, enjoying the warmth of his body as you clung to his shirt.

  “Next time just talk to me,” he whispered squeezing you a little tighter.

You nodded, “I will.”

He kissed the top of your hair stroking your back underneath his shirt you wore. It didn’t take long for you to fall asleep against him as you had barely slept the last two days. Michael watched you for a little while before he too fell into a deep slumber he hadn’t had being away from you. Both of you slept sweetly with no dreams, just holding onto one another. You no longer feared on what the future held, as long as you got to be with Michael nothing else mattered. Though you were scared at the possibility of someone finding the marks of his affection and the accident that had happened. But that was something that you would deal with down the line. Now you just wanted to enjoy every possible moment awake and asleep just being close to him. Michael wanted the same as the sound of your bedroom was filled with both of your slow even breathing.

[httpdabi]

My pet

Genre: romance, smut, normal AU with no quirks, university!reader x professor! Dabi,

Summary: Maybe skipping his class wasn’t such a bad idea. After all, the detention could wait for some other time, not like you weren’t getting sick of it anyway.

Words: 6.8k

Warnings: 18+, praise kink, bit of fingering in public place, semi public sex, unprotected sex, creampie.

Taking a deep breath you tried to calm yourself down a little. From all the papers, you had to lose the one from Professors Aizawa’s classes, which was pretty important. And the fact that he had a pretty big dislike of you didn’t help either, since you were sure that he will nag about it a whole moth or give you little to no time to write it again.

Rolling your eyes, you collected all the papers on the floor, putting them in one box, accepted the fact that your paper is nowhere to be found. With a big sigh you stood up and poured the hot coffee in your cup to go, before you took your bag from the floor and left your apartment.

You weren’t in the mood for Uni today, but at least you had only few classes, which meant you won’t spend much time there.

You checked your phone one last time, before you locked the door and hurried downstairs to catch your bus. Using the app, you always checked when will the bus arrive, giving yourself 5 minutes to catch it. This time you went out a bit earlier, since Aizawa’s class was the first one. After all you didn’t have the paper done, you couldn’t afford yourself more shit with being late.

,,Fuck’’ you hissed when you saw the bus already on the bus stop. You were about to run, but once you noticed all the people squished in it, you couldn’t force yourself to do it. After all, you were never sporty, every time you had to run to catch the bus, he would simply speed off and leave you half dead on the bus stop. Yeah, you had a condition of a dead horse.

,,I’ll be a bit late’’

you texted your best friend Mina as you sat on the small waiting bench. The next bus will arrive in 8 Minutes, which was enough time for you to smoke one. Upset about everything, you smoked your cigarette almost aggressively, puffing on it like it was your last one.

You don’t run. There is always a possibility that you will die if you run. So, it’s better if you come a bit late, then not at all. You thought to yourself.

Some people don’t come to the classes at all and no one gives a shit, yet you are worried about some stupid paper and being late.

When the bus arrived, you turned the cigarette off and got inside, finding yourself an empty seat as you hopped into it. Momo texted you that Aizawa is not even there and that maybe there’s a chance you’ll arrive before him.

Of course there’s no chance you’ll be able to do it, since the bus driver took his time driving. You were sure they had something against you. When you are trying to catch a bus, they suddenly turn into Formula 1 drivers as they speed off, but when you are inside of the bus, they follow every possible rule and drive so slow.

The moment you arrived, you walked pretty fast surprisingly, every second step you took, you tried to force yourself to run. You tried to push yourself between the students that had their best time in the fucking hallway of the Uni. Most of them giving you a weird looks as you started to run for the first time, upstairs.

Opening the door of the huge class, you stood there confused. The man standing there wasn’t Aizawa, so you looked around to check if the classroom was the correct one. It was. Scanning the room, you saw Momo in the last row giggling at you. Giving the man one last look, you made your way to your best friend.

,, You didn’t check your messages, did you?’’ She whispered quietly, as you hopped between her and Mina. Shaking your head you took out your notebook and placed it on the table, while Momo explained to you what’s going on.

So, Aizawa had some problems which forced him to be absent for the next 6 months, making his assistant Touya Todoroki take over his classes.

The three of you chit chatted quietly, as your new so called Professor was calling out your names to mark the list. Like in high school, you thought to your self as you put your hand up when your last name was called. Professor Aizawa never did that, one look was enough for him to notice who is absent and who’s not.

Everyone knew Touya Todoroki. He was around your age, and that made students a little bit more comfortable around him. You heard that he finished Uni one or two years ago, being one of the top students. Being that smart, and Aizawa’s one of favorites, they gave him the chance to work there as his assistant.

In your opinion, joking around with the students wasn’t really smart of him, since there’s always a possibility that they won’t take him seriously later on. But hey, maybe you were wrong.

Once the introduction was done, and he said enough about himself and all the plans Aizawa had for the next 6 months, he said that he’ll call your names out in alphabetical order, for you to give him your paper and sign the list he prepared for it.

You felt a bit uneasy when you realized that till now, all of them had their work finished and the possibility that you’re the only one that didn’t have it made your stomach twist.

When your name was called out, you thought about some lies you could tell him, none of them good enough.

,,I’ve lost it’’ you breathed out as you clapped your hands and slowly nodded your head. He gave you the ‘’are you serious’’ look as you stood there embarrassed a bit.

,,Is that even possible ?’’ he asked as he raised his brow at you, eying you out while you played with your fingers nervously.

,, Obviously, it is’’ you said, crossing your arms on your chest. What kind of question is that even? People come here and lie about their test being eaten by their pets, yet your honest and sad excuse was suspicious to him.

,, When is the next date ?’’ you added, hoping he’ll give you enough time to write it again.

,,Tomorrow’’ he said, not even looking at you.

,, WHAT ?’’ a scream escaped your lips, loud enough for everyone in the class to hear and look at you. Is this dude insane ? Even tho Aizawa didn’t like you, he would still give you maybe a week to finish it.

,,Take it or leave it’’ he said, with a small smile formed on his lips, like he didn’t just tell you to do something impossible. Rolling your eyes shamelessly, you turned around and made your way toward your seat, where Momo and Mina waited excitedly to ask you what happened and so on.

The moment your last class finished, you had to cancel all of your plans, making your way home immediately after it. That day, you couldn’t even afford yourself to make a lunch or dinner, since every second and minute counted. The only food for you was coffee and cigarettes that day.

The good thing was, that you remembered lots of things you already wrote, but sadly, the paper wasn’t really small, forcing you to write and write without taking even a small break.

You hoped that you’ll finish it till 11PM, since your first class started early in the morning, at 7 AM. Sadly your big hope sank like Titanic when you checked what time it was when you almost finished your paper.

It was fucking 3:37 AM.

That disgusting motherfucker, you thoguht to yourself, as you imagined how great it would feel if you had the possibility to break his fucking tattooed neck.

The moment you heard the alarm, you wished you were dead. If someone placed a gun on your forehead at that moment, you would probably beg him to shoot you. Taking more time then usual, you found yourself being late again. This time you didn’t give a single shit about it. You didn’t give a shit about looking like half dead bird, with your hair tied up in way too messy bun and dark circles under your eyes.

Stomping into the classroom, you didn’t bother to look or greet anyone, forcing yourself to sit in the first row, since more students remembered that they actually go to Uni and suddenly decided that today is the best day to show up. Mina and Momo didn’t sit close to each other or to you either, since the class was unusually much fuller.

Grabbing your phone out of your pocked, once it started to vibrate, you saw that Mina and Momo were writing shit in your little group chat.

,, Are we having this piece of shit all day?’’

you texted, ignoring the topic they were writing about.

,, Yeah, we’ll have one and half hour break in between, and then him again. I don’t mind it tho. Dude’s handsome as fuck’’

Mina replied, making you roll your eyes.

,, Handsome as fuck my ass. Bro looks like random junkie from the main train station’’

you tapped furiously sending the message, scrolling down your Instagram feed, not even bothering to look at him, when he called your name out when he checked the absence list.

,,No phone in my class’’ he said loud enough, when he noticed it. Ignoring his statement, you just continued to use your phone. It’s not his problem if you are using your phone, it’s not his fucking problem if you decide not to follow his class and fail it at the end. Sure, if you were interrupting the class, then it would make some sense. But since you didn’t interrupt him or anyone, it shouldn’t bother him at all.

In one moment, you had your phone in your hands, the next one it was snatched from your hands. Looking up, you saw him standing in front of the desk you sat in, with your phone in his hands, scanning the room if anyone else was using it too. Both Mina and Momo hid their phones fast, when they realized what just happened.

He stood there quietly as he did something on your phone. The only thing you could see was his thumb scrolling something on your phone up. Whatever it was, he had no fucking right to do it and it made your blood boil.

,, There is something called privacy, you sick fuck’’ you hissed loudly. Maybe it was the lack of sleep, or the fact that you had less then one day to finish your paper, but you couldn’t stop yourself from insulting him. The moment you spat those words, you felt his eyes on yours. You noticed a small smirk formed on his lips as he turned your phone off.

,, You just got yourself in detention Miss.’’ He said, as he placed his phone on his desk ignoring your complains.

At that point you weren’t sure if he got all the dislike on you from Aizawa, or if you had that kind of personality that made people easily dislike you. Sure, maybe you overacted and embarrassed yourself in front of the whole class, but in your defense, he didn’t have the right to do it. None of the students were children. All of you had the right to decide on your own if you will pay attention to the class or not.

When the first class was done, Mina and Momo came to you immediately, eyes wide in shock as they talked about what just happened. The two of them waited for you beside the door, as you took your finished paper and made your way toward his desk.

He pushed your phone from the end of the desk toward your direction, as he told your friends that there’s no need to wait for you. Confused, they left immediately, not wanting to pull themselves into troubler or give you more of it.

,, Sit down’’ he said, as you stood there confused as well, gripping tightly onto your paper. Being a bit lost, you didn’t follow him immediately, standing there totally lost.

,, Sit the fuck down’’ he repeated, this time a little louder. You sat there, eyes wide open in shock. Sure, he started off as someone that looked like all of your classes would be fun with him, but with todays actions, and the small amount of time he gave you, definitely changed the view of him to the rest of the students. To you even more, since his sudden behavior wasn’t really pleasing.

,, Paper’’ he simply said, as he tapped with his hand on his desk. You gave it to him immediately, not sure if you are allowed to leave or not, also unsure if you can take your phone or not anymore.

,,Good, now go clean the desks or whatever’’ he said as he took your paper, scanning it a little bit.

,, You gotta be kidding me’’ you laughed. This dude has some serious issues, you thought to yourself. ,, We ain’t in fucking high school’’ you hissed. You were about to grab your phone, but his hand stopped you, as he grabbed your wrist with his left hand.

Without saying another word, he just shook his head towards the direction where the small bucket was. Usually prepared for the Cleaning lady that does her job once the class is over.

You wanted to make even more drama, and curse him out instead of apologizing for interrupting his class, but at that moment you didn’t have the balls for it. First of all, because you were pretty sure he was in contact with Prof. Aizawa all the time, and second, it was already clear enough that he dislikes you more then Aizawa does.

You took a deep breath, as you prepared the water. Hoping he will let you go soon, since everyone else is already on the break and if you were being honest, you were getting pretty hungry.

The whole time, he just ignored you as he was correcting your paper. He already corrected the paper the rest of the class turned in, so he wanted you to have your note too. Aizawa told him about you, never paying attention to the class and appearing just to avoid the shit you could get for missing the classes. He heard enough about all of you, and he wanted to make sure none of you will misunderstand him just because of his young age. Starting of with you, and giving one good example to everyone else. Sure, it wasn’t very nice of him to give you less then one day to finish your paper, but only you were the one without it, and he didn’t want to wait too long for it and make you lose the little focus you had on the rest of the class. He was pretty sure you would mostly focus on the paper you had to write, ignoring the other stuff he prepared.

You took your time cleaning the desks, humming some song that was in your head last few days. When you finished your task, you made your way toward his desk. Sitting down to the desk in front of his own, you wanted to ask him if you may leave or take your phone, but somehow it felt too weird to do it.

,, Spit it out’’ he said, his eyes focused on the paper you gave him. Of course he noticed the little uncomfortable glances you gave him, and the way you played with your fingers. Something about it gave him the feeling of power, in some weird twisted way.

,, Can I go ?’’ you asked fast.

,,No’’ he replied as fast as you asked, like he was prepared for you to ask him that, making you whine loudly. You were pretty sure if it was Prof. Aizawa instead of him, you wouldn’t even dare to react that way.

,, Text your friends to bring you something to eat. You ain’t having the break today’’ he said, still correcting the paper. With a huge sigh you took your phone and turned it on. Messages popping up one after other. Mina and Momo cursing him out, sharing their location with you and simply being worried a bit. You told them about the break thing and asked them to bring you some snack, as you complained how he’s actually torturing you.

His coughing took your attention, making you place your phone on the table as you watched him stretch his arms out, as he placed your paper in front of you. Your eyes widened when you saw a huge D and 52% written on your paper. Some students would just be happy they passed, but not you. The worst grade you ever got in last two years was C, and yet you almost failed this fucking paper, only few percent’s saving your ass.

,, The beginning was alright. You missed lots of points. In the middle, some stuff you wrote didn’t make sense at all.’’ He sighed as he rubbed his right eye a bit before he continued telling you what you fucked up.

,, The end was terrible, from all the facts you wrote, to your grammar. It was painful to read ’’ He added, as he played with the pen in his hands.

,, Not sure what you expected from me when you gave me less then 24 hours to finish this shit.’’ You spat, anger taking over you again. At this point you found yourself missing Aizawa, and first time you felt unsure if you will be able to pass this class.

,,Is this detention done now? Can I leave now ?’’ you asked, wanting this shit finally to be over, ignoring his words from before that you won’t have a break today. At your surprise he just laughed you out, pissing you off even more if it was possible at all.

,, This ain’t your detention sweetie’’ he laughed, as he took his phone out of his pocket. Telling you how you will have to stay every day after classes for 1 to 2 hours to help him prepare his stuff for next classes. For the next four weeks.

You weren’t sure if he was joking around or not. You knew that some students had to do it, for example, Mina had to do it for a whole week, since she pissed off your Professor Shigaraki, always being late to his classes last year.

The next day, you ignored what he told you, as you made your way toward the exit when the class was done, only to be stopped as he called your last name out. That was enough for you to understand that he wasn’t joking around, and that the next four weeks you will have to give up 1 to 2 hours of your precious time.

At the beginning all you had to do was print the papers he prepared for the classes, and grab some stuff he needed while he was writing something down, or correcting some shit. You found yourself regretting the decision to go to that fucking uni. Usually professors don’t give a damn if a student pays attention to the class, if he passes or fail. They are here to teach, not discipline and if you feel like failing, that’s your issue. Well, not in this case. You felt like they enjoyed torturing y’all just for their own satisfaction.

Later on he would command you in the middle of the class to grab something out the office, since you already spent few hours in it, knowing where his stuff is. You also got yourself a new nickname in class, which was ‘’Todoroki’s pet’’.

,, Chill out, you only have 3 more weeks’’ Mina said as she took a bite of her sandwich, saying how she knows how you feel.

,, Bitch, no one called you Shigaraki’s pet. This is embarrassing’’ you whined, taking a sip of your coffee. The two of you decided to ditch the rest of the classes, since it was his one anyway. She wasn’t in the mood to listen to anyone’s shit today, since she had one sleepless night, and you weren’t in mood to stay 2 extra hours.

Both of you spent some time in the café, gossiping about some people form your class and making plans for tonight. Since it was Friday, both of you wanted to enjoy your time a bit, instead of spending the night home being lazy as fuck. Mina told you that Keigo invited the three of you to his little house party that he made every now and then. Every time his parents would go somewhere because of work, he would throw a party that made him so famous among other students.

He knew you, Mina and Momo from the high school and he always got along with all three of you. Sometimes even tagging along with the three of you to grab a coffee, nagging about his affairs and so on.

Mina didn’t go home, since you invited her to come over to your place. Both of you getting a good ass nap before you got ready for the party. She wore some of your fancy clothes and you wore a simple white shirt, and your pastel purple strap dress over it, that hugged your curves perfectly. The two of you did your make up before you wore your black Martens boots and made your way to the party.

Momo was already waiting at the party for you, drinking her beer with Keigo. She placed her drink on the counter when she saw the two of you get in. There were already some people you knew, but you knew that in the matter of time the house will be full as fuck.

,, You two sick fucks, why did you leave me all alone today’’ she laughed out as she took one sip of her beer.

,, No one’s in the mood to talk about that fucktard and his annoying ass classes here.’’ You said loudly, as you made a drink for yourself, mixing Malibu with some cherry juice as Keigo asked the three of you what happened.

,, Professor fucking Todoroki is torturing the shit out of me.’’ You said as you placed a cigarette between your lips. ,, I never thought I’ll say this, but I really miss Aizawa’’ you said in one breath making your friends laugh at your sudden confession.

,, Ah, I heard about your new nickname tho’’ Keigo said with a huge grin on his face, making you roll your eyes. ,, What is it again?’’ he asked, wiggling his eyebrows at you.

You were about to tell him to shut the fuck up and drop this topic already, but a arm placed around your shoulders threw you out of the tact.

,, They call her My pet’’ a familiar voice said, making you almost choke on your drink. Momo’s eyes were looking at you in shock, and Mina tried to make herself unnoticed, since she skipped his classes with you today.

,, Bro, I heard that you are giving her some hard time. What did you do to my girl?’’ Keigo laughed loudly, as he greeted his ‘’friend’’. You sat there frozen, totally forgetting that you have a cigarette in your hand, that was now half way done. You weren’t sure how much he heard.

,, Nothing she didn’t deserve.’’ Your prof. answered, laughing together with Keigo. You forget that he was around your age, and that it shouldn’t be such a big deal to see him at party’s like this. After all, everyone enjoyed his company. You, Mina and Momo exchanged one look that told more then any word could. All of you grabbing your drink, before leaving the two of them in the kitchen.

,,What the fuck is he doing here ?’’ you spat out, not giving a shit if he will hear you or not.

,, I have no idea. This was so embarrassing’’ Mina said, laughing loudly as she drowned her drink down, grabbing another one immediately.

,, Why ?’’ Momo asked confused, making you ask yourself how much she drank already.

,,Girl, the fuck are you even asking ?’’ Mina asked her, still giggling around. ,, Usually people get smarter in Uni, what happened with you? ‘’ she added wrapping her arm around Momo’s shoulders.

,, Downgrade’’ you said, making your friends laugh, as Momo hit your arm lightly.

Keigo was playing the music, his phone connected to the large loudspeakers. At the beginning you hated his taste of music, but later on you simply got used to it and at some point you started liking the songs he would play.

The three of you were fooling around, chitchatting with some people you knew from Uni. Once you heard that Anxiety from Blackbear started playing, you made your way toward the kitchen where Keigo was. The moment he saw you he started making some silly dance moves, as you immediately started to hop around and copy his moves. The first time he showed you this song, you literally hated it so much, only later on to learn every word as it became the song of you two.

He started singing as you prepared another drink for yourself, waving your left arm in the air like Keigo did, following the beat of the song. At that point, you didn’t give a fuck about the presence of your Prof, since it looked like he didn’t really want to bother you either.

,, Having fun?’’ Keigo asked, as he placed his glass in front of your lips, forcing you to drink every drop of his drink.

,, Disgusting’’ you hissed, making a face. He laughed at your silly face and reaction as he pat your head. Taking a sip of your sweet drink, trying to cover up the Whisky he just gave you.

,, Touya, your detention ain’t shit. She still doesn’t have any manners’’ Keigo joked, as he shook his head a little.

,, I’m working on it’’ He answered, a small smirk appearing on his lips.

,, Oh shut the fuck up, both of you’’ you blurted, trying not to give them much reaction, since you were pretty sure they were just provoking you at this point. The two of them only laughed at your reaction, finding it cute.

Hopping of the long chair, you pulled your dress down, and made your way to find your friends. The house was full at this point. Greeting every third person, you tried to find either Mina or Momo, only to give up at the end.

Not wanting to go back in the kitchen, you made your way upstairs where the guest room was. Keigo and Todoroki noticed you going upstairs as Keigo tired to call your name out, only to end up being ignored since you didn’t hear shit.

You hopped onto the bed, your feet still on the floor, since you were too lazy to take off your boots. You placed the small ashtray on the bed, and lit your cigarette as you watched the people in the small hallway dance around and have fun.

Taking your phone out of the small pocket of your dress, you sent a message to the group chat, asking your friends where they are and telling them that you are in the guest room. Dropping your phone to the side, you enjoyed your cigarette, and the muffed sounds of the music. Looking at the ceiling, you waited for your friends to reply or come finally, since you wanted to drink and have some more fun.

The moment you heard the door close, your body twitched up.

,, What do you want now ? ‘’ you hissed when you saw Todoroki making his way to sit next to you. Instead of answering you, he just sat beside you, taking the small box of cigarettes and lighting one with your lighter.

You did the same thing, trying to cover the fact that you indeed felt a little bit uncomfortable. You laid down again, ignoring his presence as you puffed on your cigarette. You could feel his stare on you, as you tried to pull your dress down a little, scared it showed more then is should.

He laid down next to you, placing the ashtray to the side. In that moment you wished you were drunk, since the whole situation was freaking you out a little.

,, Chill out doll, we ain’t at Uni.’’ He said, placing his hands under his head, answering your question only now.

He looked a bit different then usual. Wearing simple black shirt with jeans, and Nike airforce. It looked good, but it kinda felt weird since the only outfit you saw him in was the formal one, in the uni.

You tried to move to the side a little, since he was a bit too close. Placing the ashtray on the nightstand, you took it as excuse to move a bit form him. Sure, he was handsome as fuck, sure you wouldn’t mind him that close, laying down beside you, if he wasn’t your fucking professor for the next six fucking months.

He noticed you wiggling to the side. How could he not notice that, as your dress got a bit up without you even realizing it, giving him view of more skin. He’s not stupid, he knew he made you uncomfortable, but he liked it. He liked the way when some of your friends called you by your new nickname. He loved the fact that he marked you his, without trying at all.

The moment you stood up, realizing that your dress is showing more then you intended to, grabbing the edges of it and pulling it down while whispering small apologies, his dick twitched inside of his pants. He placed one more cigarette between his lips, as he grabbed your wrist, forcing you to sit on his lap and not giving a single fuck if you could feel his erection.

,, What’s wrong doll?’’ he asked once you gasped in surprise. He loved how you didn’t dare to complain or even say anything. But was there even something to say? Even if you wanted to, you couldn’t find yourself to form a normal sentence anymore.

,, You heard what Keigo said. ‘’ he whispered, as he inhaled the smoke of his cigarette. ,, That my detention ain’t shit’’ he added, his finger on your jaw now, making you look at him.

,,What should I do’’ he wondered out loud, turned on only by the confused look on your face. You weren’t sure if he already noticed, but all he did at that moment turned you on. His grip around your jaw got stronger, forcing you to open your mouth lightly, as his lips got closer to yours only to exhale the smoke in your mouth.

,, You know, I have to punish my pet for being absent today’’ he said, his face only inches away from your own. ,, Sure, I thought you were sick at first. But look at you, healthy as fuck’’ he said, his other hand squeezing your ass tightly as he pulled you closer to his body. The position you were in was embarrassing for you, and you were pretty sure if someone walked in, you would be labeled as Todoroki’s pet forever.

He placed you onto the bed, slowly standing up to turn off his cigarette. You weren’t even sure what was happening anymore. You just sat there on the bed, as he locked the door before he made his way back to you. Standing in front of you, looking down on you, he couldn’t hide the smirk that appeared on his face.

Pushing you back lightly, your upper body fell onto the mattress giving him a perfect view of you, before he hovered over your body. He wanted to fuck your brains out, he wanted to hear you scream his name all over again as he fucked you into the mattress, but he had to risk it all with a question. Since you were giving him mixed signals, he had to be sure you wanted this as much as he did.

,, You sure about this ?’’ he breathed out, hoping you won’t turn into a fucking brat again and storm out of the room, or make any other unnecessary scene.

,,Yes’’ you managed to nod your head. Sure, the risk for you was huge, but what could even happen anymore ? You were already labeled as his pet, because of the stupid detention.

,, Good. Fucking. Girl’’ he said pointing every word out, as he placed soft kisses all over your neck, leaving sloppy purple marks shamelessly. Your breathing got a bit heavier hearing these three words coming out of his mouth.

He didn’t have time for foreplay, first of all, because he wanted to be inside of you, second, because the risk of people noticing was too big. Sure, he was around your age, but at the end he would probably lose his job.

,, Someone’s calling you’’ he said, still abusing your neck. Ignoring the phone and his words, you just enjoyed the feeling of his lips on your neck, wanting more.

,,Pick it up doll’’ commending, he pulled your panties to the side, as he touched your clit, groaning loudly when he felt how wet you already are. The thought of fucking you while you were talking to your friends got in his mind, and he couldn’t ignore it at all.

,, Yes?’’ you asked, sounding whiny more then you should, while he played with your pussy.

,, Bitch, the door is locked’’ you heard Mina on the other line, eyes wide in shock. You tried to pull yourself up, but his hand stopped you as he pushed you back into the mattress.

,, I’m.. I’m not.. ahh shit ‘’ You almost moaned when the sudden feeling of pleasure and pain took over you, as he entered you without a warning. Throwing your head back, you tried to talk, you tried to think of something, anything, to tell to your friend.

Touya closed his eyes, enjoying how your walls felt around his dick. Your pussy felt like it was made just for him. And it felt even better once he heard you fight the moan, while you tried to talk to your friend.

,, Keep being good for me’’ he groaned quietly, as his hips started to move at rapidly speed.

,,Are you with someone?’’ Mina screamed, as you closed your eyes, feeling every inch of his dick moving in and out of your core. All you wanted to do was throw the fucking phone away, and enjoy what he was giving you.

,, Y-yeah, friend’’ you said, trying to hold the moans, as he fucked you hard. Mina hang up after she told you that they will wait for you in the kitchen with Keigo. The moment the call ended, you threw your phone on the bed, placing your hands on his shoulders, finding some comfort in it. You were sure that people could hear the bed slamming onto the walls, maybe even your moans that he muffed with his hand.

,, You feel so good, doll’’ he groaned, every move he made was getting stronger and faster, turning you into a whiny mess under him. You placed your lips on his neck, sucking and biting on it as you tried to keep your moans low. You felt a bit proud of the marks you left on his neck. If you were marked his, then that was the last thing you could do to mark him too. Even if it was a bit.

,, Touya, please’’ you cried when he slowed down. Snuggling your face into his neck, you took a deep breath trying to calm yourself down from the pleasure he was giving you. The slow moves were too painful for you, they made you feel every inch of his dick moving inside.

He moaned loudly when he heard his name slip out of your mouth. He wanted to hear more of it, he wanted to hear you beg for him while you say his name all over again.

,, You look so good when you want it’’ he said, tugging your hair back into the mattress, giving himself more access of your neck that was already marked by him, but of course that wasn’t enough.

,, Be my good girl and beg for it’’ he said, not moving at all. He wanted to destroy you, but at that moment he simply had to hear you beg for him.

,,Please Touya, I’ll be good. Please’’ you begged again, and that was more then enough for him.

,, That’s my good girl’’ he whispered, kissing your lips as he started to move his hips again. He was pounding into you like there was no tomorrow, enjoying the way you were whimpering under him as you wrapped your legs around him, trying to get him closer to you.

,,So close’’ you mumbled somehow, squeezing your eyes shut when you felt his fingers rub against your clit. Only few rubs were enough for you to catch your high, biting onto his shoulder as you came all over his dick.

,, Such a good girl’’ Touya said as his speed increased, shortly after it, he comes deep inside you, groaning into your neck, as your fingers found their way to his hair. You closed your eyes, feeling his seemen filling your pussy up. He continued to fuck you as he was riding out his orgasm, slowly fucking his cum back into your core.

The two of you took some time to catch your breaths. His dick still buried deep inside you. The moment he pulled it out, you whined loudly at the feeling of emptiness. Placing one more kiss on your lips, Touya pulled your panties down, cleaning the cum that was leaking out of you with them.

,, You gotta be kidding me’’ you gasped when you realized what he did, only getting a smirk as a response.

Once he was sure that you were clean now, he pushed your panties deep inside of his pocket, giving himself a little present that would remind him of you, before he commanded you to unlock your phone, so he could save his number in it. Immediately calling his own number.

,, Don’t ever think of skipping my class again for the next six months” he hissed, as he grabbed your jaw, forcing you into kiss. All you could do was nod in agreement, promising that you’ll attend his classes.

He gave you one more kiss, before he left. Telling you to wait a bit, before you follow him, to make it less suspicious. Laying down on bad, all fucked out, you smoked one cigarette as you sent a message to Mina and Momo, telling them that you’ll be there in few minutes, and asking them to make you a drink.

Once the cigarette was done, you found yourself going downstairs, noticing that Touya was already with Keigo, talking about something. The moment you stepped into the kitchen, Mina and Momo started laughing loudly.

,,Oh, I see what’s going on’’ Mina gasped figuring out what just happened. She wasn’t dumb. Maybe others didn’t realized, but your overly marked neck, and the few hickeys around his neck made your friends understand what happened. Not like Keigo didn’t already know, he was the first one to support his friend, making him follow you into the guest room.

The next days, you found yourself waiting excitedly for your detention. Enjoying the time you were spending with him. Enjoying the risky sex the two of you had in the class room, in his office or in the toilet of the University.

Touya didn’t test your limits anymore, he knew that you were ready to do anything for him, he knew that he had you under his spell. But as much as he had you, you had him. He found himself spoiling the shit out of you, driving you home, coming to your apartment almost every evening and buying you little presents you never asked for.

You loved how he couldn’t keep his hands off you, not even in front of the class, ready to risk it all for you. Ordering you to work on some of his papers, while everyone else was chit-chatting or simply playing on their phones when the lesion was done. He wanted to let them all go, so he could fuck you there on the desk, but since it was too early, he just told them to do whatsoever, as you sat beside him, focused on your work.

The small gasp that came out of your mouth, once you felt his hand on your tight, squeezing it tightly, turned him on even more. You don’t wear skirt when you are having classes everyday, he had to grab that chance he had served in front of him.

,, Not here’’ you whispered, trying to look like nothing’s happening at all.

,,Yes here’’ he answered quietly, as he acted it out like he was explaining something to you, slipping one finger into your core.

The way he pumped his finger in and out of you, acting like he ain’t doing shit was driving you crazy. Also the fact that anyone that payed a little bit more attention to you, could probably realize what was going on, didn’t help either. The adrenaline was rushing in your blood, as you squeezed your tights together, trying to tell him that he’s hitting the right spot.

That day he finger fucked you in front of everyone, making sure no one noticed. Even tho no one gave two shits about the two of you, every person in their own worlds, you felt like all eyes were on you. You felt like everyone knew what was going on, as your head hang low, hair covering your face enough for you to squeeze your eyes shut as you came all over his fingers.

Once you found yourself breathing normally, you took your phone, opening the message that Mina sent you.

,, Girl, you can’t be serious’’

The two of you made eye contact, laughing loudly. Well, someone in fact noticed, thankfully no one dangerous.

[lvlyhao]

『you’re dating him but he’s not your bias』

reaction fic; NCT Dream

A/N: this is nct dream’s reaction to realizing your bias is not him (and you’re a couple). gender neutral, got way too deep at some points and was NOT meant to be this long. enjoy.

note that english is my second language and i speak mixing slang, accents and spellings from 3283928 places so i did notice there’s practice written with both s and c down there so

just dont mind it pls

also, today’s photo theme is dream looking cute in low quality shots.

𝓖𝓮𝓷𝓻𝓮𝓼: fluff (♡), angst (❆), comedy (☼), crack (⍢).

𝓦𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼: lots of swearing, my tough love for the neos, one mention of cheating that doesn’t actually happen, a couple of mentions of alcohol and drinking, some violence hidden in metaphors, me being chaotic, it got a bit more angsty and darker than i intended, but we do have all happy endings.

word count: 6.8K

pairing: nct dream members x reader ( includes mark, renjun, jeno, haechan, jaemin, chenle, jisung)

disclaimer: the characters in the story below do not reflect real people or present real facts. this is purely fictional, and you may not copy, change, translate or repost my work in any way. all rights reserved © cherry-hyejin 2021.

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

Mark

oh, poor baby

i feel like he would be a little heartbroken 

just a little

not so much if it’s someone from dream, because they’re his little brothers, but if it’s one of his hyungs from 127 or wayv,,,,,

boy might cry

he’s not super dramatic about it or anything but i don’t see him as being super confident about himself

so he might think like

“do they think he’s cooler than me?”

and it’s silly, yes, he knows

but it’s just something that pops up in his mind sometimes when you bring him up

so for the sake of this fanfic let’s pretend you’re johnny biased

because gods know i am

at least when it comes to 127

mark would be divided into fanboying with you and being like “YO, HE’S THE COOLEST GUY ON EARTH OH MY GOD I’M SO GLAD YOU AGREE”

and

“a h”

<gives you a little tiny smile to cover up the sound of his heart breaking>

would constantly try to get closer to you when johnny is around, and just

showing off in little (kinda dumb) ways

complimenting you

being even more whipped than usual

like yes he’ll give you all of his watermelon slices just please don’t look at johnny like that again

i think johnny would kind of play into it with the whole “imma steal your s/o” thing

and he doesn’t do it to make mark jealous or hurt

we know he’d rather get hit by a train than ever actually upsetting his son on purpose

but we also know he’s johnny

cue “OH DUDE HE’S FLIRTING”

so yeah he might call you lil pet names (beautiful, cutie, you get it)

just to see you giggle 

(and see your soul leave your body)

might say he’s taking you out for dinner when he’s just driving you to get more ice cream for a movie night with the gang lol

and winks

expect a lot of winks

anywhere and anytime

which makes mark sometimes feel like he’s intruding???

and that you appreciate johnny more than him???

he genuinely doesn’t understand how you can date him and still not have him as your bias

don’t you like, love him above everyone else or smth lol

his “showing off” phase eventually fades tho

now every time you hang you with the boys and johnny is around, he’ll be a bit more distant 

he thinks he’s giving you space to interact with his friends but he’s just shying away from competing with one of his favourite people ever

and it’s a competition that Does Not Exist™

but he’s not 100% aware of that

and you’re not that dense 

so ofc you notice

and you wait till you two are alone to talk to him, and he BEGRUDGINGLY admits that you being johnny biased makes him feel kinda small and unimportant

he’d never try to make you change your bias or anything

he just needs reminders that he’s your #1 boy sometimes

which is fine by you

and by him

cus now it’s you calling him pet names all the time

and hugging him

and kissing his cheek

and praising his work

and blowing kisses from across the room

and just telling him straight up that no matter what, you’ll always go to him

(not that you ever had any chance with johnny lmao)

THIS GOES TO SHOW COMMUNICATING IS KEY, CHILDREN

COMMUNICATE

Renjun

wym donghyuck is your bias lol

literally are you fucking kidding him

don’t get me wrong ok

everyone knows renjun loves haechan

they’re bffs and could not live without each other

but at the same time,,,

what is wrong with you

who did he choose as his s/o gods help him

if it was jeno, or mark, or jaehyun, or winwin, or kun, or lucas, or yuta, or taeyong, or ten, or,,,,

literally ANY of his other members

he’d understand your point and be like “ok fine”

but haechan???? hmmm bestie no

he’s not gonna throw a fit

not after the first time you told him anyways

HE WAS SURPRISED OKAY

and he just whined very loudly after having laughed for 5 minutes thinking it was a joke

<flashbacks of that one time he had to sing the ottoke song with haechan on weekly idol>

if you don’t know that iconic scene, renjun had a whole ass meltdown in 3 seconds while yelling “aAAAAAH JINJJAAAAA” and getting ready to punch the living shit out of hyuck

for no reason other than the fact that it’s haechan we’re talking about and injun’s little body is filled with rage

BACK ON TRACK

would probably try to act all cool about it and be like “i don’t mind” but bruh does he mind

and it doesn’t help that haechan is such a little shit about it

he doesn’t even flirt with you

he just

constantly reminds renjun that he’s your bias—not him—and then constantly praises himself over you

“ah, y/n~ did you choose me as your bias because i’m the best vocalist? or was it because i’m the best dancer? mAYBE IT WAS BECAUSE OF MY OH SO BROAD SHOULDERS—”

(pause for injun to punch him)

(unpaused)

and ok in the beginning it was funny seeing him all worked up but now it’s just annoying to be in the same room as these two

haechan won’t let either of you live

and renjun just wants to

fight

so it eventually gets to the point where you’ll talk to renjun and jeno will talk to hyuck cus even the other dreamies are tired of it

except maybe for chenle, he always laughs his ass off when they start bickering

ANYWAY

your conversation goes something like “oh my god renjun i’m literally dating you, i don’t like haechan better or anything you little pile of fury”

while jeno sits hyuck down in front of him and jaemin and just

“bro why are you like this”

“bro”

no but renjun would apologize for going overboard with his protectiveness and jealous energy because he’s not generally like that

he’s angry all the time but never about something involving you, you know

he tries his best to treat you like the royalty you are

but something about hyuck being your bias makes him feel a bit like a castaway???

he’s very creative and as an artsy kid myself i know we’re very prone to feeling left out because we’re just different from the others

so he’d think maybe haechan really has a better voice

or better dancing skills

or he looks better

he is taller than injun after all, and has broader shoulders, and his hair is all fluffy and—

the whole thing just made him insecure about things he had settled with himself long ago

he was fine with being him

but not so much when it came to that

i don’t think you two would fight over it cus tbh i think renjun would really only get with someone who can be very understanding of him

and i think hyuck would actually apologize to renjun too

not when everyone’s around but like, maybe after dinner or something and he just needs to feel like they’re besties again

hyuck never meant for things to get out of control

he just really likes both injun and you as his friends, and aside from skinship his most prominent love language is,,,

teasing

he was really just trying (very poorly) to grow closer to the person his best friend loves so much—you—because renjun is SUCH a big part of his life it would just feel wrong to not be good friends with you as well

don’t tell them i said this but they hug it out

injun strikes me as someone that could take a bit of time to bounce back from something that hurt his pride or his sense of belonging

and his way of healing and bonding is just,,,

art

sure, keep being haechan biased, but also please read with him

and talk about his fantastic animal creations

and watch those buzzfeed unsolved alien theory videos because he really wants to discuss it and maybe even draw what he thinks the aliens look like

hyuck tones it down, you make sure renjun knows you like him for him, renjun starts to (secretly) appreciate hyuck’s talent along with you...

and now let’s take a moment to imagine the minute you watch their latest mv with injun by your side

and yes okay the first thing you see is CLEARLY how good renjun looks because holy fucking shit he’s an angel (and i’m clearly not renjun biased)

but then,,,,,,

wAS THAT A HAECHAN HIGH NOTE

(there’s always a haechan high note, just look for it)

and ok maybe he did scream a bit with you because of how good it all sounded

and you know what, it works out perfectly bc you two are my new otp and you were meant for each other

but we do have to mention the eventual happening of chenle saying like “oOoOoOoH y/N wErE yOu dRoOliNg oVeR hAeChAn AgAiN” after a special stage

and then you, injun and hyuck all attempt to choke him

i’m kidding

or not

Jeno

ah, lee jeno

aka samoyed boi

yes i do call him that no i will not stop

everyone is always writing jeno as being super protective and literally about to burst a lung if someone else ever does as much as look at you

but i just 

don’t see him that way

he’s a taurus and from what i know about taurus they can be v v jealous, yes, but they mainly seek comfort

so he’s fine with you biasing jaemin

as long as you’re not ditching him or anything lol

and ok, imma be 100% honest here even if it sounds like literal no fun (jenojaem wink wonk)

jaemin doesn’t flirt with you

not any more than he flirts with

every other breathing creature

ever

he’s really only platonically interested in you, never remotely romantic or anything lol

on the other side, he is in love with jeno

basically, if jaemin is your bias, jeno is his

so nothing really changes

we know how nomin are, okay

they hold hands, they stare deeply into each other eyes, they nearly kiss at least once every time they go live

it's just them

you gotta respect it bruh

i know this is the most boring reaction ever so let’s create the one (1) instance where jeno would actually dislike that you bias someone else

i think he would feel a bit hurt if you seemed to be more supportive of jaemin’s work than his

and it’s not something big or on purpose

it’s just something like going with him to a recording session but not going with jeno because you have homework

or after a very busy practise day going to praise jaemin first

even if it’s just three words

“you did good”

and then you’re going towards him, he’s gonna feel like maybe he doesn’t deserve your praise as much as nana????

i actually feel like, among the dreamies, jeno is the least confident one when it comes to his performance

he knows he’s not an awful rapper or anything but i think it can be a bit too much, being around such bright and huge presences like the others while his nickname literally means “no fun”

his members are just so loud and full of energy most of the time

and sometimes he just really needs to be quiet and observe in silence 

(yes i do know he’s chaotic and a crackhead, i’m just saying as we know he can be a bit introspective)

so what if you just

stopped seeing him?

did he become invisible to you?

did you finally fall for jaemin’s beautiful smile and stupid pick-up lines?

he’s not gonna let it show that he’s affected, though

earth signs are nearly always the ones to “stay strong” because we have this image that people are relying on us???

so we do what we do

bottle everything up and overwork ourselves bc we only got two modes

1. chill, super balanced and down to earth (ay for the pun)

2. please make us take a break we’re literally about to cry if we work for one more minute but we can’t allow ourselves to fucking take it easy

so yes you’ve guessed correctly, we’re going with 2

jeno is going to go so, SO hard on everything he does 

literally every single activity you can think of from dance practice to photoshoots to cooking for the dreamies

he stays up later than usual to get that one tricky move in the choreo just right

he works out more because he thinks he has to look absolutely perfect for when they shoot the mv

jisung asked for ramen? he’s making it but you bet your ass he’s spending over 40 minutes just chopping so

many

vegetables

AND STUFF THAT JISUNG WON’T EVEN EAT

but he’s doing it anyway for the reason being that it just has to be the Best™

and it’s not like he’s competing with anyone else to be diligent

this is just about being better than he was and showing himself—and maybe you—how painstakingly hardworking and driven he can be

maybe then you’re gonna acknowledge him as much as you acknowledge nana :((

:(((((

writing this is making me downright sad, jeno is so underrated and unaware of his power UGH

and i need to point out this is NOT about making you change your bias from jaemin to him, this is solely about having you recognize his efforts, even if you already do

if you just thought jeno was like going off in work because it was asked of him to, jaemin would DEF notice and talk to you about it

turns out it’s a habit of jeno to go extra hard sometimes and he needs someone to make him take a break

so it goes down like you breaking into the practice room when jeno and jisung were practising

the first reaction is confusion

the second is oh hey babe how are you

third is

a-are you dragging jeno and his bag out of the door while screeching at jisung to order pizza and doughnuts for everyone??

yes you are and i’m proud of you

so jeno is still confused and making those cute “hUh” noises he does omg i love him so much

and you’re just rambling about how much of an amazing artist he is, and you love his voice, and he’s a fantastic dancer, and his expressions and gestures are on point, and he takes such good care of the dreamies and

he’s perfect

and he knows jaemin must have talked to you, and he feels so vulnerable to have you know how on edge he’s been

baby boy just needs some rest

and that’s exactly what you give him, with a bath full of those fancy bath bombs and flower petals and candles at your house/apt

then a quick sheet mask while you massage his shoulders and keep saying how much you genuinely admire him

the mask might be ruined cus he started crying out of exhaustion

after that’s been done and you’ve hugged for at least like 5 min nonstop, you head over to the dorms, where hyuck was in charge of setting up a blanket fort while mork and nana gather board games, jisung gets the food and chenle

well chenle just had to make sure jisung doesn’t forget to order for someone and doesn’t break like 10 plates trying to set the table lol

this is way longer than the others so imma wrap it up

make it obvious and loud that you see and respect jeno’s hard work and he’ll be alright again

and maybe make those game nights a weekly thing when possible, it would make him very happy

he’ll never again feel sad when you praise jaemin cus now he’s sure he does enough, and above all, he is enough

Haechan

haechan = full sun

why would you ever bias someone when you’re dating the goddamned sun

does not understand

but also does not care that much

actually, one out of two really depending on who your bias is

if it’s one of the members he has that tom/jerry relationship with, prepare for so

much

complaining

and clinging

AND HE’D BE SO LOUD OH MY FUCKING GOD

donghyuck please stop screaming about doyoung not deserving to be your baby’s bias, it’s 2 am

on the other hand, if it’s one of the (few) members he,,,

adores with all of his heart and is not afraid to show it

ex: sungchan, jaehyun, taeil and yang2x

then you can bet he’s going to be right beside you whenever you feel like throwing a fit because he’s just so handsome and talented

IF IT’S MARK OSHDISJD

i’m going to write you as being mark biased ok? ok

i honestly don’t know if he’d feel more jealous of mark or of you

he loves you both

a lot,,,,

and he really doesn’t like it when mark blushes when you compliment him

and he doesn’t like it when mark literally just walks past you and you trip over your feet because bro tf u doing, that’s some embarrassing shit

lowkey done with you two

but also PAY HIM SOME ATTENTION

or don’t, he’s fine either way (cue crossed arms and staring at you from across the room until you come give him a kiss)

“he’s pretty cute but i’m cuter right baby”

pouty pouty pouty if he ever feels neglected

will be so fucking annoying lmao i can’t write haechan, i love him but i do understand why renjun is always trying to beat him up

he’d be a show-off in a different way than mark because he can be so petty

will take every chance he gets to pull a one-liner

will sing everything he has to say just so you know he can hit those high notes

what do you mean dream doesn’t have a schedule today

oh man, he could swear they did

because that is the sole reason why he’s wearing his most expensive clothes and shoes + makeup to walk around the dorms, yes

no he doesn’t want to impress you

shut up

will text you like every single fancam he sees on twitter

every

single 

one

and are they mark’s?

lol no, they’re his

he is so genuinely trying to make you a member of his sunflower cult 

<whispers> “tell me i’m your bias” 

“donghyuck what the actual hell why are you standing at the end of my bed in the middle of the night like a fucking demon child”

he really wants to act all cool and composed but he wants to be your bias so fucking bad

he’s a bad bitch all around and just does whatever

cus haechan privilege

and he tends to not care about what people say and think???

bc he knows he’s lee donghyuck

he’s fully aware of the effect he has on people

but you

not biasing him

naw, he can’t take it

will do anything and everything he can to make you say, JUST ONE TIME, he’s your bias

then you can go back to loving (his) mark

so for your sake, for his sake, for mark’s sake

just give donghyuck what he wants

i can promise he’ll keep being an ass no matter what you do

like yeah did you just buy him coffee and his favourite cake? well that’s sweet but iS HE YOUR BIAS YET

“aw babe thanks so much for taking a bullet for me but now please say i’m your bias”

if you still don’t do it, it’s time to be extra petty

will actually drop you for mark

his logic is something like: he can’t be your bias? pity, so he’s just gonna date him instead

and mark is mark so he has no idea what’s going on

everyone in 127 and dream finds this absolutely hilarious cus suddenly donghyuck seems to be doing his best to win over mark’s heart and i mean more than usual???? and he’s treating you like his bro????

<you leaving the dorms to go to uni or smth so you go to hyuck for a goodbye kiss> “no can do, i’m committed”

“i’m your partner”

“no that’s mark”

it’s not 100% a joke when i say i can see him getting down in one knee to propose to mark while making eye contact with you to

assert his dominance

and mark is just

“dude

what HAHAHA”

and you are so done, i’m so sorry you have to go through that bby

i don’t think there’s another way to fix haechan other than just admitting he was your bias for an era, or a comeback or something

like yeah with the other dreamies before him it’s bonding + healing time bc i wrote it all kinda angsty (lol sorry) but with donghyuck

no

“will you stop this if i say you were my bias during reload era”

“mark wasn’t in dream that era tho”

“yes i know”

i say he’s gonna take what he can get and now things can finally go back to normal

with the exception that something else comes along with hyuck being satisfied with you biasing him

he just has a full pass to fanboy over mark now too

what am i talking about?

new 127 mv is out

you: watching it beside haechan and going off about how pretty mark looks

him: going off even harder bc he’s whipped too

this is what a happy couple looks like 

but now i pity mark because he has you two idiots fanboying over him irl

savemork2021

Jaemin

nana is just such a chill and fun guy

i can’t see him being actually jealous or anything if he finds out you bias someone else

and so the two of you become insufferable together

bitch, i’m telling you

he (ur bias) is not gonna have one peaceful day ever again in his entire life

cus you know the thing jaemin does where he just looks at someone doing some random shit and goes “oOoOoH sExY”

yes that thing

he’s doing it to your bias 

and you’re doing it too

and your bias probably wants to run away to some very far away land

PLEASE IF IT’S JISUNG

i’m not gonna write this whole thing as if you bias him but let’s just imagine

two fully grown people

pilling on top of poor, poor park jisung playing games on his phone

“URI JISUNGIEEEEEE

MWOYA, MWOYAAAA~"

i genuinely think he would avoid being around you two at the same time

cus individually he can handle it

like yes y/n please let me go this hug has lasted for about 4 minutes now

or oh hi jaemin hyung my cheeks hurt when you pinch them that hard

but when you two are together

bruh

a power couple not bc you two are v confident or some shit but bc you can and will be extremely affectionate towards anyone that comes too close

and now let’s talk about how it would be if you biased jaehyun

jaemin loves jaehyun

they’re 2jae

2jae are soulmates

therefore,,,, it’s also kinda hellish but in a different way???

bc 2jae are on the end of that spectrum about the neos that know how in love the entire world is with them

they’re too powerful

they’re aware of their charm and they do everything they can to rub it in our faces

so the flirting between 2jae and you would be insane

and i mean insane

insane as in even johnny is kinda disgusted tbh bc

they’re doing a photo shoot with the 23 of them for some shit, idk don’t ask me

and of course, you had to tag along

but oh my god you three, please stop calling each other sexy/hot in weird voices now, the staff is staring

there are def rumours the 3 of you are a poly couple lmao

jaehyun denies everything on social media (throwback to saying “no way lol” when we asked if he REALLY slept in the same bed as jungwoo)

but every piece of content there is of you and jaemin or you and jaehyun or just them is so ridiculously flirty

you can bet there are compilations on youtube like 

“y/n being in love with 2jae for 8 minutes heterosexual”

ok i was having way too much fun with that, moving on

i don’t think he’d ever be actually upset about you biasing someone else

he trusts you and treasures you a lot so he doesn’t see the problem in you also appreciating another one of his members

bc gods know he does

he’s a bit in love with everyone so why shouldn’t you be too lol

one time he would feel a bit blue because of it???

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

i think it’s possible he’d turn pouty or whiny or just kinda needy (not in a bad way, he just misses you) when he’s like

done with people

and needs some time away from everything

we know he’s an introvert, even if he acts very, very loud around the boys and it’s honestly just a matter of time until an introvert grows tired of being around humans

it depends on each person, of course, but there’s a 99% chance every once in a while he’ll start to feel too drained

and he’ll need a break to get his energy back

jaemin would probably want you around even when he feels like that, though

i see you being such a big source of comfort for him in a relationship

he enjoys taking care of people so please take care of him too

and for just this one day don’t talk about your bias that much, or don’t leave nana to go over to him to chat

and just cuddle him a lot

that will make him a smiley baby again

and then things are back to how they normally are

and by that i mean most neos hiding from you because they’re scared 

i don’t have a lot to say aside from that so let’s think about the neos that would be the most intimidated by your shared thot aura

dotae would be confused in different ways lol

taeyong would be just ????????????blush/awkward smile/hahaha??????

and doyoung might actually ask what is wrong with you

<points to jeno and his s/o> “why can’t you be like them”

mark would laugh-scream and slap his knee into oblivion whenever you two are cornering him

but then go super shy and be like “dUDE DON’T DO THAT”

resident confident gay jungwoo would rejoice in the attention and make so many goddamned jokes

a literal comedian i love him

i think sicheng and renjun would be on the same wavelength of repugnance towards you lol

chenle would deadass call you weird and tell you to leave him alone

shotaro and kun might faint (or kun will panic-scold you)

taeil is as confused by affection as usual (have you seen the face he makes when haechan kisses him LMFAO he’s smiling but like wondering wtf happened on the inside)

ten is not very amused but might play into it

yangyang: that’s disgusting, man (cue flashbacks to that live with renjun after the from home stage where renjun pretended to lick his hand and slick his hair back,,, catboy injun,,, you know the one)

xiaojun and hendery are such panicked gays they just turn to stare at whoever else is around and make that “help” expression like they’re on the office

haechan is haechan, kinda doesn’t mind it

jeno is used to dealing with this at this point

lucas and yuta love the attention but while yuta will flirt right back lucas is just gonna smile and try to jop his way out of there while screaming

sungchan will go hide behind haechan and say “hyung they’re being dumbasses again”

this turned into ‘how would nct react to you and jaemin being super flirty together’ and i’m not sorry

Chenle

chenle is so fun to write i love him lmao

okay so

he doesn’t strike me as the possessive type with anyone other than jisung (bc i swear he can be a bit jelly towards his bestie but i think it comes with sungie being the sweetest bean ever, he’s just protective)

he’s such a ray of sunshine and witty jokes and dolphin laughter i love him

back to the plot

he literally couldn’t care less about you biasing someone else

b u t

i will say there’s an exception

this exception is tall, kinda lanky, very awkward and born on the 5th of february

you’ve guessed it, it’s jisung

i think most of the time he’d tease THE SHIT out of you for it because c’mon

you had 22 chances not to mess up

and you still somehow ended up biasing jisung? lol do better next time

and this is not me and chenle hating on jisung, please—

he’d just find it funny that your bias is his best friend and

hold the fuck up

your bias is his best friend

oH NO NO NO NO NO

i think after realizing that he would lowkey try to keep you two apart because he’s somehow jealous of both????

and if he can’t help it then you can bet your ass he will be screaming all along

it’s his sweet, dummy jisung

with his sweeter and dummier y/n

what is he going to do

probably has a mini-breakdown with kun because like he’s always wanted you two to get along bUT NOT LIKE THAT

kun will just sigh like the tired father he is and pet his back while saying “there, there”

and a genius idea is going to come to chenle’s mind

you know the teasing thing?

well it’s upgrade time

he’s gonna turn into such a try-hard with tmi and embarrassing shit you two have done

and he’s not trying to stop you from being friends

he just wants you to like

know who you’re befriending

bc i think since he’s really really close to jisung, he doesn’t want you getting closer to him bc you like his idol side alone

and he doesn’t want jisung getting close to you just because you’re his partner either

if you had high hopes for each other and ended up kinda falling face-first into the ground bc it was nothing like you had imagined—

he’d be so broken

because he loves you so much :((((

so like, if you can get past the teasing and annoying barrier he’s putting up, he’ll be more than happy to have two of the most important people in his life being buddies

so get ready for it

if you’re the type of person to go batshit crazy when you drink, oh boy, oh boy

so you and the dreamies are just having dinner when lele feels like it’s the perfect time to disclose some of your drunken adventures

“hey y/n”

“yeah babe?”

“remember that time you got really really drunk on vodka and candy and wanted to call your mom”

“chenle the hell don’t talk ab—”

“but then you tried using the microwave as a phone”

“...”

“...”

“or that other time you were equally as drunk and watched the make a wish mv and cried because you noticed the height difference between xiaojun hyung and lucas hyung”

yeah so now’s the part you get up to chase him around the dorms and try to land a kick

BUT WORRY NOT, HE’LL MAKE SURE TO EMBARRASS JISUNG JUST AS MUCH

he likes doing that when it’s just the three of you though

so picture this

movie night the girls boys

chenle would 100% pick the most terrifying horror movie he can find so that he could see jisung clinging to whoever’s closest to him

and then right before a jumpscare, he’d whisper like

“jisung”

“w-what”

“why don’t you do that thing you were doing while you slept last night”

(honestly, i’d be mildly scared if i heard lele say this with no context at all)

and then the jumpscare happens and jisung is nearly fainting and crying at the same time

but chenle is laughing

and trying to get out what he wants to tell you between wheezes

“he-he” <dolphin wheeze> “hE WAS SINGING CHEER UP BY TWICE WHILE SLEEPING” <more wheezes>

and look this is just gonna go on for weeks until you and jisung are over it

and stop being weird and awkward around each other

lele needs you two to be bros ok

so be bros

once you do adapt to being pals with your bias i think chenle would take the teasing down a notch just to make you more comfortable

and like he’s so happy now the three of you can hang out and there’s just no tension

happy chenle is the thing i love the most i swear to gods

and if you don’t adapt to it?

well,,,

i honestly think he’d be pretty disappointed, cus it means to him one of you isn’t ready to fully embrace the weirdness within????

and like what u scared of

jisung is a weirdo, what about it, so are you

either that or he’d think you’re maybe being judgemental

so yeah please accept jisungie and your dumbass boyfriend

then everyone can be besties

i love thinking about the three of you as just this hellbound chaotic trio

because chenji already wreak havoc wherever they go as the two of them

but now that you’re coming along,,,,

no neo would escape from your pranks ever again (and even members of other groups lmfao watch out sehun, i’m talking to you)

and it’s so incredible infuriating in a good way that it just turns to be endearing

you’re cute as fuck so no one gets actually mad with the shit you pull????

which is dangerous, someone should really keep an eye out on the three of you 

we don’t need sm to be on fire

well we kinda do cus they’re pretty bad but not my point

i said somewhere above that chenle would tone the teasing down but i don’t mean he’d stop

bc c’mon guys

he’s chenle

no limits here

but sorry, i really cannot write jealous!chenle cus his heart is just too pure and filled with joy for him to be jealous for real

last scenario?

chenle after a comeback stage: ya y/n, i was gonna ask how was my performance today but you were probably more focused on jisung’s arms right

jisung is choking on water somewhere behind you

Jisung

it’s maknae time <plays i.n’s maknae on top>

i don’t mean to picture jisung as being like

ridiculously innocent or just downright naive because i really dislike it when people do that

he’s a literal 19 yo and jaemin himself has said he’s not as innocent as we think lol

however

i do see him as being quite new to all things love 

i think you’d probably be his first partner and with first relationships comes a lot of other firsts

first kiss maybe, first time holding hands, first time being jealous….

first time being jealous, yes, focus on that

i don’t think jisung would be aware that like

you not biasing him is even a possibility

cuz you’re dating

doesn’t that come along????

ah poor baby i love him

if you biased chenle i think he’d be just

disgusted and weirded out but okay?? you do you i guess???

he’s comfortable enough with lele to not feel intimidated

but if it’s another member

ESPECIALLY one of the oldest ones

i think it would be a blow straight to his confidence 

you biasing ten, kun, taeil, taeyong, doyoung or johnny and maybe yuta would make him feel a bit hesitant and concerned

his first thought would probably be that you don’t like being with someone as young as him

and who knows, maybe you’re even younger than him, maybe you’re the same age, but what if you actually like older guys??

what about him then???

and jisung doesn’t mean to feel so worried and insecure, ok, pls understand where i’m coming from

first relationships normally take like a very long time to build trust and acceptance of the other person’s feelings bc it’s literally a whole new world for you

and that goes extra hard for jisung because he is so fucking whipped for you it’s still hard to believe you like him as much

and it absolutely does not cross his mind that you’d cheat on him with your bias, GODS NO

he really respects you and his hyungs 

so no, never

that’s not a thing that can happen

but you realize you’re too good for him and maybe see he doesn’t fit your ideal type?

well, yes, that’s what he’s thinking

probably goes straight to chenle or renjun (he talks about renjun so much asjahj) to vent and ask for advice

i think they’d be surprised to see what’s going on inside his pretty little head because it’s so obvious for everyone that you just adore jisung

and they do tell him that

however, i don’t think it would completely calm his nerves, and again, this has nothing to do with not trusting you

it’s just that

his hyungs are so cool…

HE CAN’T HELP IT OK

would probably try to mirror your bias (i’m saying it’s taeyong for the sake of what i’ve imagined ok) and like

grasp onto some of his qualities?

so in his mind taeyong is: nice, sweet, caring, amazing, perfect, smart, perfect, sexy, mature and did i mention perfect

i can see him trying some new rap styles that mimic tyong’s a bit???

like would lowkey learn his raps from cherry bomb and superm’s one and listen to recordings frequently to pick up on how taeyong does it

i think he’d also just change the way he acts in general to dodge a bit from his maknae image

so now he tries to speak with a more formal-ish language and learns random facts about things you like to seem more intelligent???

“good morning y/n, you look as beautiful as one of voiello’s paintings today :]”

“wait i thought that was a pasta brand”

he’s just trying to show you he can be mature and serious if you want him to

long story short, he’s not acting like himself (not that he’s childish, he’s just out of it) and you don’t like it, so you ask about it and wait for him to feel comfortable with sharing

when he does talk about it breaks your heart so much :((

you’re going to need some patience to try and show him you’d choose him, and not your bias, even if you had the chance

they’re completely different people and you love him BECAUSE he’s jisung, not for any other reason

please reassure him so he can go back to acting like his authentic self, i think it would be such a relief for him too

your words and affection are obviously enough for him, but if it ever happens that he feels especially low and insecure again, it would help if your bias talks to him too

and taeyong wouldn’t have a problem with it

actually, scratch that, taeyong probably knew what was going on all along

he just has that motherly 7th sense (ay) that is even more acute with the dreamies cus like 

127 has him, wayv has kun, but dream has…

the dreamies

and that, my friend, is terrifying

anyway he’d come to talk to jisung asking like “what’s wrong buddy :(“ and sungie would be a bit ashamed because it sounds so silly when you say it out loud

of course tyong wouldn’t judge him, and he just really has to tell jisung what is it you and he are always talking about

it’s him

“when they come around to talk and hang out here it all goes back to you, jisungie. they can’t spend one second without mentioning your name

it’s so cute; it’s always like ‘oh jisung would love this’ or ‘jisung likes it that way’

so please be kinder to yourself and let yourself see that they’re in love with you, not with me and not with any other member they ever mention”

jisung would feel 10000000% better

and smiley

and giggly

and oh my god do you really talk about him that much

LOOK HE’S BLUSHING

would just go over to your house immediately and hug you, burying his face on your neck from behind you

and not let go

ever again

the whole situation just teaches him a lot about accepting your love for him and not questioning it 

shut up i’m not crying

---

final notes: this was my first work after the humanity series and it was so fun lol i think next up is probs gonna be an ideal type scenario for ot23 (but if i really write it i’m gonna post it by subunit and its gonna be way shorter than this, don’t expect 23K words at once lmao)

if you’ve enjoyed this fic please consider reading my humanity series, which is a zombie apocalypse au with kun <3

[possiamo-andare]

Midsummer pt. 2: JJ Maybank

JJ x Reader

MASTERLIST

word count: over 6.8k (I went a little overboard lol)

a/n: first off, I'd like to say holy moly you guys are amazing I never thought I'd get over 600 notes on anything let alone something I wrote. Your kind words have bee so motivating so I definitely had to write a part 2 for everyone. Second, I just want to thank everyone who has messaged, reblogged, liked anything I've written. It's so fulfilling to know someone enjoys my stuff. You guys are he best <3

~

The last time JJ was interested in one girl at a time, was back when his only example of what a woman was, was in an inappropriate magazine. It's not like he never tried to like one girl at a time, but when he tried, something better always came along to distract him. JJ was curious by nature to put it lightly. The saying 'never judge a book by it's cover' was not true when it came to JJ. Usually, whatever you judged about him was right. He had been around obx with many Pogue ladies and flaunted it. He was proud being a bachelor that got around and rarely anyone held that against him.

But now, he was done for. By a Kook no less. A stupid Kook that JJ had met once a long time ago.

It was a stupid crush. Nothing he couldn't handle. His number of crushes spanned a long and thorough list. To say he was a pro at getting his crushes interested in him was an understatement. Then he saw you with Rafe and everything he felt for you disappeared. Disappeared might not be a good word. More like, he suppressed every feeling he felt for you the day he met you at the station until he could feel nothing at all. It was truly a tragic day for JJ when he found out you were dating Rafe. Then, JJ did what he did the best; he found another girl to distract himself with.

Just when he thought he was getting over the tragic situation, you had shown up at the Midsummer party. He hadn't thought about you, or your gorgeous smile or your pretty hair for a few weeks now and just as he thought he was turning a corner, you stood in front of him and demanded two sodas. You had not recognized him. He could tell. You knew who he was, of course, after you rudely told him what you thought of him, but you didn't remember your run in at the station months ago. He knew that if you were ever gonna remember him this time, he had to pull out all the stops. That meant he had to be extra charming and extra funny.

JJ wanted to slap himself. He couldn't believe he had put himself in this situation. He wished that you meant nothing. Every other Kook girl meant nothing to him (except Kie of course, but that's different), so why were you different?

He couldn't think too much about it. If he did, he would have to self analyze and that's something he rarely did. So, he just acted like an asshole to you. Being difficult with girls always worked. JJ knew the less you cared about their existence, the more they chased. And that might be true for the other girls JJ liked but definitely not you. He felt like he was always losing a battle whenever he spoke to you. You were super defensive the entire time he tried to talk to you. He couldn't get a word in edgewise and it didn't help that your image of him was already tainted.

So, he tried another approach. He tried to be himself. This would be anyone's first choice but we are talking about JJ. He's had to put up so many barriers so people don't see the real him, it was hard to keep track of which one to use. There was the lady's man JJ, the Pogue JJ, the obedient son, the annoying friend, and even the protector. JJ was just never truly himself. Of course his friends knew this and they accepted any form of JJ, but he knew you wouldn't. So, he just was himself.

And the next thing he knows, you're kissing him. Technically, he leaned in first, but you definitely closed the gap between you two which had to count for something.

Maybe it was because he liked you so much, or maybe it was because of the gin he downed before dancing with you, but your kisses made him feel like he was in fifth grade. Every kiss felt like the first one. He felt things he'd never felt before; by a Kook nonetheless.

And then, too soon, the moment was interrupted by a busboy. Gerald and his ability to cock block. But he had agreed to meet with you again, as if you were thirteen meeting at a tree house, and he couldn't believe it. You wanted to see him again. You knew who he was, you had learned things about him, and still wanted to see him. Never, and JJ means never, had a girl seen this much of him and still wanted to stay.

That night, JJ couldn't sleep. Even though JB had told him where the gold was and how they were gonna get it, he still would've been able to sleep if it were not for his mind racing with you. He even let his dad yell at him that night. He was in too much of a good mood.

That is, until JB was pushed off a ledge and was rushed to the hospital. Sarah was with him when it happened and JJ had been in the car, waiting for his friend. JB was JJ's family, along with the rest of his friends. JB had let him sleep over countless times when JJ's dad had been especially violent. He had helped JJ in every situation possible and JJ knew he could never repay him. So, to see JB asleep in the hospital with a cast, made his blood boil. And when he found out it was Topper's fault, he wanted to kill Topper himself. The only thing that held him back from doing so was staying in the hospital and waiting for JB to be alright. If JB had woken up any time before, maybe JJ would've had time to beat Topper's ass.

Kie, Pope, and JJ all waited together in the waiting room until there was an update on JB. They knew it wasn't as serious but they were determined to stay until their friend woke up. If it meant staying the whole day, then that's what they'd have to do. And so they did. They stayed well into the afternoon, with Sarah. She was in and out of the hospital room he was in and giving Kie, Pope, and JJ updates every time she did. They even got to talking and, even though Kie and Sarah barely spoke, Sarah was nice to them. She was one of the only Kooks that was nice to them.

The topic of Kooks made another memory resurface. JJ promised you he'd meet you at Sarah's house to "grab his keys" but, when JJ had checked the time, he was already late. He cursed at himself. He had unintentionally stood you up. You were for sure not gonna want to speak to him ever again and he had basically ruined any chance he had with you. He didn't want to tell his friends but they had noticed that once JJ was aware of the time, he had gotten more restless.

Kie had tried to ask him what was wrong but JJ was too upset to answer.

He felt like such an idiot.

Until he saw you enter the waiting room. He almost gasped but held it in, not to draw too much attention to himself. You barely looked at him as you walked in.

You wore black ripped jean shorts and a yellow tank top. You had your hair brushed into a loose braid and you had makeup on. You had done all of this because you were supposed to meet JJ but he had bailed on you. You had waited at Sarah's house for over an hour but, 20 minutes after he would've arrived, you knew he wasn't coming. You felt like an idiot. You had fallen for the oldest and dumbest trick in the book. Then, you got news of what happened to John B. and you realized that's probably why JJ got held up. You were still upset, but at least JJ had a good reason.

When you saw him sitting down in the waiting room, your stomach felt like it was in your throat. Seeing him in daylight was very different to seeing JJ in the dark. At least in the dark, you didn't see the extent of his scars. Now that you did, you felt like crying for him. You can't believe someone did that to him. In the dark, you didn't have to see him completely and you could get away with not looking in his eyes, since that always made you nervous. But now, you could see JJ completely and he was even more gorgeous in the light.

As you went to comfort Sarah, you pretended he wasn't there. You could tell, even with your back turned to him as you hugged Sarah, he was watching you. You felt his eyes burn into your back. But you were here for Sarah, that's it.

"Thanks for being here." Sarah said to you, letting out of your for a moment and looking to the hallway. "I should go and see how he's doing."

You nodded. "Yes, of course. Let me know if there's anything I can do."

Sarah smiled. "You being here is enough." And with that, she was walking back to John B.'s room.

You said hello to Kiara first. You had known her before today and you had always been polite to each other, even though Sarah and her didn't get along. When they did, all three of you hung out and had so much fun. You missed having her as a friend.

"Hey," you said, opening your arms for a hug. Kiara got up from her place in the chair and hugged you for a moment. Things were still a little awkward. "How are you?"

Kiara shrugged. "We just want to make sure John B. is okay."

I nodded. "I'll stay and maybe we can catch up?"

You knew she had a little resentment towards you and you didn't blame her. Sarah believed wholeheartedly that Kiara was the one that called the police on a party she had thrown a while ago and that's one of the reasons they're not friends anymore. Once Sarah let it slip that Kiara called the cops, Kiara was basically blacklisted whenever there was a party. Now, you were hoping to put that all behind you if it meant being Kiara's friend.

Kiara smiled but you could tell she was trying to suppress it. "I'd like that."

You then looked to a boy you knew was named Pope. You knew Pope's dad because he had once brought some groceries to your house at the last minute. It had been one of your mom's charity events and she had run out of a couple items. It was a Saturday night and Mr. Heyward was probably with his family but he got the items for her and delivered them to your house very quickly. Pope had been in a club you used to be in before you quit because Rafe said it took up too much of your time (you wanted to roll your eyes as you remembered all the shit you did to make him happy). Pope has always been nice to you when you were still in that club and when you voiced an idea, he always tried to back you up. You didn't know him that well but you knew him enough to give him a hug. He gladly accepted it, mumbling a hello as you hugged him.

"How are you? I haven't seen you in awhile." You stated, letting go of Pope and looking at him.

He struggled to meet your gaze, a bit embarrassed. You didn't know why but you figured that was just Pope's personality. "Not too bad. I'm president now."

You smiled. "That's so good to hear."

You couldn't believe he remembered that. Although he probably did remember it because the club was filled with Kooks and whenever they tried to pick on Pope, you always called them out. Even though you were grateful for his support, he was just as grateful for yours.

Pope nodded at you, smiling again. You could tell Kiara and Pope felt awkward. Mostly because you were one of the only Kooks that treated them nicely. Which was sad because you didn't understand why Kooks and Pogues didn't get along. Other than the fact that most of the Kooks (you're thinking of Topper and Rafe when you say most) are greedy, selfish assholes. You wanted them to like you really badly. One of the reasons was because they were Sarah and John B.'s friends. The other reason was because of the boy beside Pope, who was standing as well, and watching you closely.

JJ hadn't said one word to you since you entered the waiting room and you knew why. He wasn't sure if you guys should act like you know each other or not. To be honest, you weren't sure either. He had blown you off, for good reason, but then again, he could've gotten a message to you that he was in the hospital. You didn't have to find out from Ward, who drove you to the hospital. You had been waiting outside for an hour once Ward had pulled into the driveway. You asked him where Sarah was and he explained what had happened to John B. and offered you a ride. He had to pick up clean clothes for John B. since he was waking up soon.

You instantly knew why JJ never showed up but he could've easily asked Sarah to call you to let you know why he never arrived. The only explanation for not asking Sarah was because he didn't want anyone to know about what happened. This annoyed you.

When you had gone to bed the night before, you fell asleep to thoughts of JJ and what it would be like to be his girlfriend. Now, you had a rude awakening. He didn't want anyone to know that you had kissed. He was embarrassed to like a Kook.

So, being the salty teen you were, you decided to give him a taste of his own medicine. You were gonna pretend as if you had no idea who he was.

You stuck out your hand, waiting for him to shake it. He looked down at it, perplexed, and slowly extended his hand to shake yours. Once your hands had shaken, you spoke, "Nice to meet you. What's your name?"

JJ's brows furrowed but he answered you. "JJ."

He knew for sure that you were pissed. Before, he had only a small inclination that you were pissed but he now knew for 100% certainty, you were upset. He knew he should've at least tried to call you. He knew Sarah had your number and he knew it would be easy to ask Sarah for your number to call you but he got scared. He didn't know if you wanted anyone to know you guys were macking and he didn't want to embarrass you. He thought it wouldn't be the proudest thing for people to know you kissed JJ Maybank. For a Kook, you could get made fun of for that. So, he played it safe and didn't do anything. But now, he suffered the consequences. You were pissed. If he could only get you alone to explain.

"Cool." You said, smiling at him the way you would a stranger.

JJ looked to Pope and Kie, both of them looking back and forth from between the two of you. You could tell they thought this exchange was funny. You said nothing to JJ after that and just sat down in the chair across from Kiara. The both of you started a conversation as JJ and Pope stayed silent. You did talk about school but you mostly spoke about your summer so far. She had said it had been pretty uninteresting while you said the same. Although it was not over yet, you figured now it would be just like all the summer's before. Granted, you had thought it might be different now that you had met JJ but currently he was an idiot and you rather not spend a summer with someone who was embarrassed to be with you (even though that wasn't the case).

In the middle of your conversation with Kiara about the new documentary she was watching, JJ had gotten up from his place in the chair and mumbled that he had to go to the bathroom. You paid no attention to what he said but Pope and Kiara both nodded, telling him they could care less. You had continued your conversation with her for a minute more before your mind trailed to what JJ was doing. Obviously there was the option that he actually had to go to the bathroom, but then why would he announce it like that? You wondered whether or not he actually had to go to the bathroom or maybe it was a way of telling you he had to speak to you.

You decided the only way to figure out what the answer was, was to wait outside the men's bathroom to see if JJ actually wanted to talk to you or not. Granted, this was about the creepiest thing you could ever do but it was JJ and you were sure he had no reservations about you waiting outside the bathroom for him. In a weird way, it kinda comforted you to know anything weird you had done, JJ had probably done something weirder and would never judge you.

"I'm gonna go get some coffee," you announced to Kiara, who had finished speaking and was waiting for your response. "Want some?"

Kiara shook her head. "Nah, already had some."

You looked to Pope and raised your brows. He shook her head. "No, I already had some too."

You nodded and got up from your seat. "Well, I'm getting some. I'll be back in a second."

And with that, you were out of the waiting room and making your way to the men's bathroom. There was a sign that pointed you in the direction of the bathroom so you figured that it wasn't that far away. You passed a couple of hospital rooms and were not surprised to see most of the doors closed. They probably didn't want a nosy teenager peeking in anyways.

You always hated hospitals. You had to get a cast once when you broke your arm when you were younger and ever since, you hated the smell of hospitals. It smelled too clean. You also didn't like the idea that a floor beneath you, a woman was giving birth and a floor above you, someone could be dying.

As you passed the janitors closet, you were too deep in your thoughts to realize that the closet door was a little open. And when you passed it, a hand came out of the door and grabbed onto you. You didn't even have time to scream. The hand pulled you into the closet and closed the door behind you before you even had time to react. The closet was dimly lit and filled with cleaning supplies such as brooms and chemicals. The smell inside wasn't as bad as the smell outside though. You were about to fight back when you saw the person who had grabbed you.

It was JJ. He was smirking at you as he watched you catch your breath.

"What the hell?" You whisper - yell, scared that someone you know this time could hear you.

"We should really stop meeting like this." He said, the stupid smirk you liked so much still on his lips.

You had to remind yourself you were upset with him. "We didn't meet like this. You kidnapped me."

JJ rolled his eyes, the same stupid smirk on his lips. You had to admit, he looked so hot right now. He had a black shirt on with gray swim trunks. His hair was a fluffy mess and his scars were still apparent. He looked like a mess but you still wanted to kiss him. You wanted to scream. You asked yourself, what was wrong with you?

"You can leave any time you want." JJ countered, pointing towards the closed door.

You looked to the door, then back at him. "Tell me what you want and then I will."

JJ nods, finally feeling like he might have a good chance in explaining his stupid actions. "I know I didn't call you and I'm sorry. I didn't know if you wanted everyone to know about us or not."

You felt a smile on your lips. You wished he could be more mean. You liked JJ too much. Still defending yourself, you acted difficult. "You're right. We shouldn't tell anyone until we figure this," you said, motioning between the two of you. "out."

JJ nodded, this time, his smirk turning into a full smile. "So there is something?"

You roll your eyes, still acting a little difficult. "I never said that."

JJ steps forward, closer to you, and looks down at your lips. "I think that's exactly what you said."

You shook your head. "Stop." You didn't mean it. JJ smirks, biting his lip. You wanted to scream again. What the hell was this boy doing to you? In seconds, you could go from completely angry at him, to wanting to kiss him. No one ever made you feel like this. Yet again, you were so surprised to find yourself liking JJ Maybank. A boy that 72 hours ago, you didn't even care about.

"Stop what -?" JJ was about to ask you something and be annoying but you weren't in the mood.

In seconds, your arms were wrapped around his neck and you were pulling him closer to you. The second your lips touched, it was as if no time passed at all. You were no longer worried about fighting with JJ and pretending you were mad. You got lost when you kissed him. And it still felt so wonderful, even after all that's happened. When you kissed JJ, it was as if there was no one else. It was just you and him. He made kissing, even in a janitor's closet, the best thing to ever happen to you.

JJ's arms snake around your waist as he pulls you closer. Now, you're chest to chest. You can feel his heartbeat through his chest and you're sure he can feel yours too. It comforts you to know he reacts the same way to you kissing him.

You break away for one second, trying to catch your breath. JJ doesn't give you a chance to breathe though because the second you break away, his lips are on your cheek, kissing his way down to your neck. Your knees go weak. This gives JJ the opportunity to push you up against the wall. There's a bunch of equipment in here but you guys make it work. His hands rest on the sides of your waist as his lips travel to your collarbone. You tilt your head back and close your eyes again. And you thought kissing JJ on the lips was the best thing ever.

Although you loved this, you wanted to feel his lips on yours again and desperately cupped his face and moved it away from your neck and back onto your lips. Right before your lips touched his again, you kissed his jaw once. You could tell this had a huge effect on JJ because his hands instinctively came up to cup your jaw. Once your lips touched, your hands moved to his chest again and they rested there as you continued to make out.

He still tasted good which surprised you the most. You rarely had a good story of a Pogue kissing someone and them saying they tasted like mint so this only made you kiss him deeper.

Finally, you both had to break away. You both were running out of air. You were breathing too heavily but didn't notice until JJ pulled away first. As you both caught your breath, you looked at eachother. You were both smiling so wide, your cheeks were starting to hurt. This reminded you of last night, when you both were smiling like madmen after your first kiss. And still, after so many other kisses, it still felt like the first time.

"Is it always like that?" JJ asked, quieting chuckling. He was wiping the gloss he had on his lips, something you had on your lips before they were wiped off.

You shook your head. "Never."

JJ smirked. "I'd say I'm the best kisser you've had."

You rolled your eyes. It was the truth but you would never admit it. "I haven't kissed many people."

JJ raised his brows, creases forming on his forehead. "How many people have you kissed?"

You bit your bottom lip. They were still tingling from JJ's kisses. "None of your business."

JJ rolled his eyes. "Don't you wanna know how many I have kissed?"

You did. But you couldn't let him know that. "No. I have my own guesses."

JJ smiled. "Yeah? What's your guess?"

You shrugged. "Like one hundred thousand or something."

JJ laughed aloud. You didn't care if anyone heard this time, you loved hearing him laugh. "Nice try. It's actually one million."

You knew he was joking just by the tone of his voice. "Ah, makes sense."

JJ raised his brows again. "So, your saying I'm a good kisser?"

You rolled your eyes. "I just meant you have a lot of practice. Doesn't mean you're good."

JJ nodded, a sly smirk on his lips. "If I'm so bad, why do you want to kiss me?"

You smiled, your arms coming up to wrap around his neck. "Someone's gotta teach ya."

You leaned forward and kissed him once again. He instantly kissed you back, his hands wrapping around your waist. The kiss only lasted five seconds but you savoured it. JJ was a good kisser, even though you didn't want to admit it. He was passionate and strong, something you had never experienced with anyone you kissed.

Once you pulled away from him, he spoke again. "Can I come by your house at, like, seven?"

You squint your eyes at him. "Yeah, sure. Why?"

JJ shrugged. "We can't go out together. I just kissed you in a janitor's closet. You deserve some food at least."

I smiled. "Okay. I'll wait for you at my house at seven. Do you know where I live?"

JJ nodded. "I mowed your lawn in May."

You pushed your brows together. "Seriously?" How the hell did you not remember this?

JJ nodded. "I don't expect you to remember. You were hanging out with Sarah and it was only for one weekend."

You shrugged, frowning at him. "I'm sorry. I'm sure I would've said hi."

Although you said this, JJ and you both knew that this was not true. You barely acknowledged his existence until last night so it wasn't a surprise to either of you that you forgot he mowed your lawn.

"It's okay. I got an amazing view of your bedroom window from where I was." JJ joked, snickering softly.

You gasped, slapping him on the chest. "Perv!"

JJ continued to laugh, clutching his chest. "Sorry!"

You shook your head laughing along with him. Once your laughter died down, you spoke, "I'm gotta go. Kiara and Pope are probably wondering where I am. See you soon."

JJ nodded. "See ya."

You both looked at each other and smiled one more time, before you opened the closet door and ran back to the waiting room. For the second time since you met JJ, you made sure not to say goodbye. It wasn't goodbye yet.

~

John B. had woken up soon after you entered the waiting room. Kiara had asked you where your coffee was and you made up an excuse , saying you drank it on your way here. You hoped it didn't look too suspicious as JJ returned only moments later, saying there was a line to get onto the bathroom. You wanted to slap him for coming up with such a lame excuse but yours wasn't any better.

Once John B. was woken up, Kiara, Pope, and JJ visited him while you waited outside for them to finish. Although you knew John B. was a nice guy, you were still nervous to meet him. After they exited his room, it was your turn.

Your first encounter with John B. was excellent. Even though he was still groggy, he was polite and super enthusiastic about meeting you. Apparently Sarah had said such nice things. And the way John B. and Sarah looked at each other, you knew that they were in love. You were so happy for her. You told John B. that if he needed anything, you were there for him but apparently that wasn't necessary. Ward had decided to foster John B. which meant he was going to start to live with Ward, Sarah and their family. You had known about John B.'s predicament with the foster care system so you were relieved to hear this.

Once John B. was ready to be discharged, Ward got John B. and Sarah into the car before asking if you needed a ride. Ward was like your uncle so you, of course, said yes.

When we dropped you off at your house, your parents still weren't home. You had an older sibling who was probably out with their friends so you had the house to yourself. This meant you had hours to spend stressing about when JJ would come. You planned your outfit and makeup before anyone got home because you were really nervous. You wondered what food he would bring, what he would want to do in your room, and just about everything down to the last detail. It was friday night, so your parents wouldn't be home until midnight. Friday nights were their date nights.

Your older sibling would probably be in their room all night so at least you didn't have to worry about them. All you had to worry about was yourself.

You rearrange your room about five times. At first, the stuff on your cabinet was too messy, then it seemed too clean. You didn't want JJ to think you had gone through all this trouble to clean for him. Then you messed it up too much. You made your head, then messed it up to look like you had been sitting in it all day. You threw all of your stuffed animals from when you were a child in your closet. You would die of embarrassment if JJ saw any of your stuffed animals. The teasing would never end.

You busied yourself with TV and reading until 6pm rolled by. You decided one hour gave you enough time to get ready. You took a quick shower and did some simple makeup. You didn't want to put too much effort in. You over thought everything. You changed your top from the tank top to a long sleeve grey shirt but you kept your black ripped jean shorts. The sun was setting and it was getting chilly. You dried your hair and kept it down and you sprayed yourself with ungodly amounts of perfume. You were stressing too much.

Finally 7pm rolled around. And JJ was five minutes late. A small voice in your head told you that he had bailed on you for real this time but you chose not to listen to it. He would be here.

Just when you were about to believe that small voice, you heard a knocking on your bedroom window. Confused, you ignored it but when the second knock came from your window, you decided to check it out. What you saw made you laugh. JJ was climbing up your wall, a backpack around his shoulders. You were gripping the bones growing from your house to pull himself closer to your window. When he looked up to see you, he smirked.

You opened your window and reached out your hand. He was close enough for you to take it and you pulled him up. You could only get him halfway through the window. Your arm was aching and you had to let him go. It didn't matter because after you let go, he pushed his way through.

Finally, when he got all the way through, you spoke, "Are you alright?"

JJ shrugged. "Only a little internal bleeding."

You rolled your eyes and quickly slapped his shoulders. "What the hell were you thinking? Don't you know how to use the front door?"

JJ laughed. "I thought climbing through your window would make me look cooler."

You shook your head. "It made you look dumber."

JJ dropped his backpack on the floor. "You can never say I didn't almost die for you."

You rolled your eyes. "Now I'm wishing I didn't pull you up."

"Ah," JJ chuckled, bending over and unzipping his backpack. "then you wouldn't have this." He then pulled out a brown bag, waving it in your face.

You quickly grabbed it from him. "What is it?" You answered your own question by opening the brown bag and pulling out Chinese food. Inside were containers of noodles, chicken balls, and rice. Your mouth watered. You felt like you hadn't eaten all day.

JJ chuckled. "Someone's hungry."

You placed the food on your desk, moving your papers and laptop to the side. "That's the only reason I wanted you to come."

You moved across your room to get a second chair for JJ and once you gave it to him, you both sat down to eat.

JJ pulled out the plastic forks and knives and gave one set to you. You took it eagerly and opened up the first container with noodles. You both started to eat.

JJ scoffed at your response. "You only wanted me here so I could bring you food?"

You nodded, your mouth filled with noodles already. Once you swallowed, you spoke. "Of course."

JJ shrugged. "Honestly, I only came here to get laid. I knew Chinese food was the way to your heart."

You scoffed, setting down your fork to slap JJ on the shoulder again.You knew he was joking so you played along. "Asshole. Now you're definitely not getting laid."

JJ rolled his eyes, but said nothing. He shoved another fork of noodles in his mouth and you did the same. You both talked throughout the meal. Whenever your mouths were empty, you responded to each other and spoke. You spoke about so many things. You talked about school, your families and eventually got to the subject of John B. and how he was holding up in Sarah's home. JJ joked about how jealous he was but you knew he was serious. You told him not to worry and one day maybe he'd have a big house like Ward's. He said nothing for a while after that and you knew why. He didn't believe he'd ever get out of the situation he was in now.

You wanted to make him feel better but you didn't know how. So, you kissed him. It was slow and passionate and it made you feel light as a feather. You couldn't believe kissing someone could feel this good.

Once you broke away from each other, JJ spoke first. "I'm guessing one."

You knew this was a way to divert from what you were talking about before but you were still confused. "What?"

"I'm guessing you've only kissed one person." JJ clarified, placing his fork down and reaching up to brush some hair out of your face.

The two of you were still sitting beside each other at your desk but your eyes instinctively made a glance at your bed. Once you looked back at JJ, you answered him. "You're wrong. It's actually two."

JJ snickered. "That's adorable."

You pinched his arm and you smiled when he yelped out in pain. "Ass."

"This is where you ask me." JJ pointed out, his hand resting on your knee.

You rolled your eyes. "I seriously have no idea."

JJ shrugged his shoulders. "It's ten."

You furrowed your brows. That seemed so low. "Ten?" JJ could tell you were confused.

"I don't really kiss many people. Makes me feel weird." JJ shrugged again, picking up his fork and taking the last bite of a chicken ball.

"Weird?" You questioned.

"Yeah," JJ nodded before swallowing and continuing. "I have to really like someone to kiss them."

You blushed, looking away from him. That meant he really liked you because all you had been doing was kissing. Your throat felt so dry. JJ really was making you nervous.

"You really like me?" You asked, looking back at him and leaning forward.

JJ smirked, leaning forward to kiss you quickly. "Yes."

"What was your first kiss like?" You asked, grabbing his hand.

He looked at where your hands touched, then looked back at you. "I was like twelve. It was Kie's cousin visiting from Canada or something. She was my age. I was shitting my pants." JJ smiles as he retells the story. You leaned forward, very interested. "I never thought about girls before that and then we were just goofing around and she asked me if I kissed anyone. I said no and then she just kissed me."

"Aw," You cooed, smiling softly. "That's adorable."

JJ shrugged, smiling. "Not really. The poor girl never talked to me again. Said I had bad breath."

You giggled. "I know what she means."

JJ gasped. "Really?"

Before you had time to react, JJ stood up and leaned on top of you, his hands instantly going to your sides to tickle you. Your legs shut up and you dashed across your room but he soon caught up to you and grabbed a hold of your sides. You screamed in terror and demanded he let you go. He couldn't completely understand you though because you were laughing so hard. You kicked his shin and made a run across your bed but before you could get to your door, he tackled you, pushing you onto your bed.

"JJ!" You laughed, JJ continuing to tickle your side. You kicked and screamed but it was no use, you were stronger.

"Say I'm the best kisser!" He only laughed, loving that you were so ticklish.

"You're the best!" You screamed, laughed hysterically. "Stop!"

Finally he stopped and lay on his back. He was laughing so hard and you were out of breath from the screaming. Once you caught your breath, you turned onto your stomach and let a hand rest on his chest.

"That wasn't funny." You frowned, a smile showing through.

JJ shrugged. "Got you to admit the truth though."

You leaned closer to his face. "Whatever."

JJ instantly closed the gap, kissing your lips. This time, your legs were intertwined as you kissed. JJ's hands cupped your face as you kissed and your hands made their way to his waist. You just lay there, kissing each other. This was so easy. Being with JJ was so easy. You couldn't believe that this is what you were missing. This time, although he tasted like mint, he smelled divine. You didn't know what it was until you parted. Once you did, you realized it was sea salt. Ye smelled like the ocean. Your mom was always telling you that you smelled like the ocean and how bad it was but now, you had found someone who was the same.

This made you want to kiss him again. You never got a chance to because JJ spoke, "what was your first kiss like?"

You smiled, touching your lips. JJ watched you for a moment, smiling at you. Your lips felt as if they were on fire.

"I was like ten and some boy at my summer camp dared me to kiss him. Worst three seconds of my life. Yours was so cute."

JJ smirked, raising his brows. "He dared you to? He must've really liked you."

You shrugged. "I can never turn down a dare."

JJ smirked. "Really?"

You nodded, a mischievous grin on your lips. "Yeah."

"Well then," JJ smirked. "I dare you to kiss me again."

You rolled your eyes. "I would've done it anyways."

And with that, you kissed him again. You don't know how long that kiss lasted because right after that one, JJ kissed you again and again. He kissed you like you guys had all the time in the world. And you felt like you did.

You knew you had all the time in the world to discover this new feeling with JJ.

~

taglist: @dolanfivsosxox @obxrush @bellakellyrose03 @belledutchess @sexualparkour @lueurglow @itsriasblog @maries110911 @ebonyyyy-e @teamnick @tangledinsparkles

[bangchanstudio]

Never Have I Ever | Changbin (3/?)

pairing: seo changbin x reader (fem)

genre: university au, awkward friends to ? something more? smut, house party

tw: sex, attempted date rape (spiked drink), mild panic attack, unprotected sex, penetration, cursing, praising, mild dom!changbin kink, oral sex (fem;receiving), fighting?

word count: 6.8k

ch.one | ch.two

synopsis: you’re forced to face Changbin after ghosting him for weeks, and things happen.

note: I suffered A LOT writing this so please SUFFER WITH ME. Shout out to sera aka @seraplantery​ for thirsting over changbin with me and his new fresh undercut as i wrote this 🥺 you the real one✨ again, i would love it if you let me know what you thought about this etc. i would love to interact more with those you read my fics!! 🥰 feel free to drop ideas or suggestions/requests in my inbox~ ps. if you would like to be added to the tag list for ✨NHIE✨ please let me know via inbox/message ❤️

taglist: @seraplantery​ @chang-binnie @synnocence @lordseochangbin​

“Spill it, sister.” The way Hyunjin crossed his arms and tapped his foot impatiently reminded you of your mother when you were in high school, waiting for a confession after sneaking out to a party the night before with the guys.

Suddenly, the ramen hanging out of your mouth that linked to your chopsticks seemed one hundred times more interesting than looking at Jinnie. He was good at seeing through your lies but mostly because you were such a bad liar.

When your only response was a shrug, he let out an exaggerated sigh. “You’ve been acting sus for days now.”

“How?” You asked, still avoiding his gaze, sipping on your straw.

“Well, for starters, you’ve stopped pestering us about what happened at the party.” He eyed you up and down. “Did you remember?”

“Just that we watched a hot ass morning sex video.” You said wiggling your eyebrows. “Really, there’s nothing going on.”

That was a lie.

The only thing that was running through your mind most of the time these days was Changbin. Since that night you went to see him you couldn’t stop thinking about his touch. His skin. His lips. The way he tasted. Changbin got your number from Chan, but you were avoiding him. He wasn’t one to chase or push either, so when you didn’t reply to his first message he didn’t send another.

Chan already interrogated you about the night he walked in on you blowing Changbin, and asked why you haven’t talked to him. You could only assume Changbin told Chan you were ghosting him, and Chan knowing you like the back of his hand decided to mediate. You were grateful, because he never judged you for being an asshole or ghosting people. You were always like this and you had been told by many people that you were “too much”, but not Chan. That’s what made you love him and run to him. Even when you didn’t run to him because you were too self-conscious and didn’t want to annoy him, he’d go to you. Talking with Chan helped you realize you didn’t know anything at all and that it would all be okay regardless.

“You know what your problem is, (Y/N)?” Chan started two weeks after you went to see Changbin at his apartment.

“No, but I’m sure you’re going to tell me.” You were laying upside down on your couch, feet hanging over the backrest next to Chan who was sitting upright typing away on his laptop.

“You avoid thinking about your feelings. Instead of trying to face them head on and figure them out, you just run away.”

Ouch. The truth of his words stung.

“Just slap me next time will ya?” He rolled his eyes at your remark.

“I’m serious.” He closed his laptop placing it on the coffee table before giving you his full attention taking your hand in his as if you were a child. “Look, you know I love you. I care about you and I want to see you happy. That’s why we need to figure this out together. Tell me, when you look at Changbin, what do you feel?”

That was a tough question to answer. “Do I really have to think about that?” You whined.

“Yes.” He said sternly in his dad voice. “We’re going to figure this out together because if not you’re just going to continue this vicious cycle forever and I won’t stand by it.”

Sighing, you closed your eyes trying to find something, anything that you could put into words.

The image of seeing Changbin for the first in over a year at Seungmin’s house party at the start of summer came rushing back. You were sitting at the bar table in the wide living room of Seungmin’s mansion in a champagne slip dress and red lips talking your half tipsy ass off with your girl friend when she gasped at a hot guy who walked in. The place was overflowing with bodies, the heat made your skin slightly damp and the music was loud. There was a mixture of cigarette smoke and the smell of booze flowing in the air, basically it smelled like a good time.

“Who’s that hottie coming in with Felix?” She had asked shouting over the DJ and pointing at the door with her free hand, drink in the other.

Your heart had stopped and the smile you had plastered on your face slowly faded as you saw Changbin walk in, leather jacket, hood up, hat covering his features, but you knew it was him. He was scanning the crowed, high-fiving and bro hugging Seungmin and Minho as they found him. Minho had turned to find you amongst the crowd and nodded your way, Changbin found you but turned away. He never went up to you that night and you didn’t either.

“I feel sad.” You admitted, voice only slightly above a whisper.

“That’s good, (Y/N). That’s a good place to start.”

[three days later]

“Another party?”

Everyone was gathered around in your apartment eating your food and playing video games.

“Yeah, my parents are going overseas again so it’s the perfect time. I think we all could use a good old fashion house party.” Seungmin, respectable Virgo though he may be, was notorious for his house parties. He always had the best DJ’s, the best drinks and most importantly a big house.

“God knows we need to let loose, especially (Y/N).” Felix smirked over at you wiggling his eyebrows, blocking the pillow you threw at him.

“Besides, it’ll be funner this time since Changbin is back and we’ve been hanging out.” The room went quiet at Jeongin’s comment, just the video game sounding in the background “Oh… was I not suppose to say that?”

“Just focus on your game the grown ups are talking.” Hyunjin hushed the younger boy. “Everything is set to go we just need to go shopping.”

“We?” Everything sounded amazing except parties meant socializing, dressing up and being in public. You had a love hate relationship with parties, about as much as you had a love hate relationship with everything else in life.

[]

The weekend came faster than you could have hoped for and that mean the party did too. All you could think about was how you planned to avoid Changbin, though it shouldn’t be too hard in a house that big. You did it once before. The truth was, maybe you were scared to genuinely fall for him, just as he had said he was afraid of falling of falling for you. The only thing you knew how to do when you were unsure of anything was to run away.

Chan was right and you knew it. Your flight instinct was all you were good at but even you knew it would be your downfall eventually.

“Wear this. From your bestest friend in the whole wide world – Jinnie”

Hyunjin stopped by while you were in the shower and shouted a quick goodbye, reminding you to not be “late” to the party before rushing back out in less than a minute. You pulled your towel closer to your cold body before opening the top of the box and pulling out a really short, strappy, silk red slip dress.

“Does he want me to die of hypothermia?” you mumbled to yourself before doing your hair and make up. All the while constantly checking your phone to keep tabs on Chan’s eta. The best you could do was curl your hair and do some basic face makeup since you loved striking more with red lips rather than heavy eyes. Since the party had a rave vibe you opted for a way heavier highlight than normal and sprinkled a bit of body glitter along your collarbones and shoulders.

“(Y/N), I’m here !” Chan’s voice rang out as you heard him shuffling from the entrance to your room.

“Are you rea– damn girl, who are you?” He stopped dead in his tracks taking you in from head to toe.

“Fuck, this is too slutty right?” You turned from your long mirror to face Chan.The dress fit you well enough, but it was so short and low cut you thought your boobs would fall out at one wrong move, not that you had much to begin with, but this dress sure made it seem like you had a decent amount of cleavage. “Shit, I need to find something else to wear. I swear Hyunjin just wants to make me look like–”

“No! Don’t you dare, you look amazing, you are totally wearing that tonight. Just take a good coat so you don’t get sick.” Just like Chan to nag, you couldn’t help but laugh at his comment.

By the time you both made it to the party it was close to 10pm, definitely late. The taxi left you at the gate at the bottom of a small hill. Making your way up you were grateful you opted for a pair of black boots instead of heels. There were a lot of people making their way up to the house and people spilling out of the house as you got closer. The bass could be heard since you stepped out of the taxi and the closer you got the sounds of chatter, heavy laughter and shouting got louder. Crowds made you nervous but holding on to Chan’s arm made you feel better. After a few drinks you wouldn’t be as nervous or anxious. Alcohol had a way of numbing just about anything.

Stepping into the house the heat of bodies welcomed you, almost immediately encouraging you to take off your coat before handing it to Chan who in turn put it, along with his in the hallway closet. You were familiar enough with Seungmin’s house to be able to use certain areas of his place that would otherwise be deemed unappropriated for others.

“Welcome, welcome friends.” Seungmin said greeting you and Chan with a hug. Hyunjin and Felix followed close behind.

“Wow, (Y/N) that dress looks so much better than I imagined!” Hyunjin didn’t trust your sense of taste when it came to party or club attire so he had the habit of picking things up for you ever since you all started partying and clubbing together junior and senior year of high school.

Felix handed you a drink with a sympathetic look, maybe your nervous were louder on your face than you realized. You looked around the crowd trying to see if you could spot Changbin’s figure but by the looks of it he wasn’t here. Even though you were avoiding him, your heart still sank a little.

Get it together, you scolded yourself.

Before you knew it you found yourself on the dance floor passing between Hyunjin, Felix and a couple of strangers. Drinks and shots started to blur as your nervous melted and you started to feel slightly dizzy at the heat and bass filling your chest. The black lights made everything neon and colorful, there were even bubble machines that left residue of shimmer on everyone’s hair, face and body as they burst.

“Whoa– whoa!” Hyunjin shouted as you grinded your ass on a guy, making you laugh and push the stranger away before turning back to Hyunjin, throwing your arms around his neck and his hanging lazily on your hips. Felix had gone off somewhere, probably the bathroom. “Do you think Changbin will show up?”

You shrugged, not wanting to ruin the fun you were having. “Who knows.”

Eventually, you found yourself alone on the dance floor still as Hyunjin went to look for Felix, probably to do other things with him.

The vibrations of the song were filling you when you felt a pair of hands grab your waist letting you know someone was there, but you couldn’t see who since they were behind you. You let your body lean back into the stranger swaying to the song coming out of the loud speakers. He felt strong and warm though he reeked of weed which immediately turned you off, but you didn’t leave him enjoying his body instead.

“Let’s grab a drink.” The stranger said, grabbing your wrist and leading you off the dance floor, weaving you through the crowd. He wasn’t half bad looking, though, the thought came to you like second nature... but he wasn’t Changbin.

You leaned against the bar, letting the coolness of the marble run up the length of your arms, without thinking you placed your forehead down the bar top to cool off a bit. It felt good against your hot skin and the heat of the room.

“Here you go.” The stranger said handing you the drink with a cocky smile.

You thanked him raising the drink to your lips. He had a dark glint in his eyes that made you hesitate. “Fuck!” You shouted as someone grabbed the wrist you were holding your drink with, jerking it away.

“What the fuck did you put in this?” It was Changbin. You froze as he grabbed the glass out of your hand, still holding onto you. He shoved the glass in the guys face, “Drink it.”

“No way, I got that for her.” He said disgust in his voice, knocking the glass out of Changbin’s hand. It shattered on the floor, but you hardly heard a thing over the loud music that was playing. “What? Is she your bitch?”

“She’s not a bitch and what she is to me is none of your fucking business.” Changbin got between you and the guy, shoving his chest.

Fuck, this was not good. You desperately looked around for Chan or Jisung, anyone that could stop Changbin better than you could. You’d seen him in enough fights to know this wouldn’t end well. Of all the good qualities Changbin had, holding back was not one of them.

“What the fuck man, I was just trying to have a little fun.” The guy shoved Changbin back, though it didn’t have much effect since Changbin had a pretty solid build.

“’A little fun’ by what? By spiking a girls drink? You must be one desperate piece of shit if you can’t get a single girl to sleep with you of their own free will.” Changbin’s words made you go cold.

Did he spike your drink when you weren’t looking?

“No, it’s just funner when their helpless.” The guy retorted.

You could feel the rage boil up in Changbin and spill over seconds before he threw his fist connecting it with the guy’s jaw, sending him stumbling into a crowd. The guy couldn’t recover before Changbin grabbed him by the collar throwing him on the ground and shoving a knee into his chest hitting him again and again.

“You low life piece of shit, I hope you rot in hell.” He said between every punch.

Fuck, fuck, fuck where the hell was everyone when you needed them?! You desperately wanted Changbin to stop fighting. The fact that they had garnered a crowd of on lookers but no one was stepping in annoyed you.

“Changbin, stop!” You pleaded but when he didn’t respond you grabbed his arm just as he was bracing to throw it again, “Please, stop!”

Changbin tensed as he turned to face you, his eyes were scary.. on fire with rage. Your eyes must have been desperate because you could feel his anger slowly start to dissipate. For a moment it was as if everything went quiet and all you could hear was your breathing and heartbeat pounding in your ears.

The stranger seized the moment and opening to escape from under Changbin’s hold and book it into the crowd shoving a few people out of the way.

“Fuck.” Changbin mumbled watching the guy run off, running a hand through his hair in frustration.

He helped you to your feet before taking you by the hand and leading you around the bar and up the grand stairwell. His pace was a little faster than what you normally walked and with the alcohol running rampant in your veins you stumbled and struggled to keep up with him, but he didn’t seem to notice. He was gripping your hand so tight you knew even if you tripped enough to fall, he would catch you.

The hallway lead off to various rooms and people were piling around room entrances and playing various games from drinking games to board games. The bass still sounded throughout the house, but you could hear a little more clearly from up here.

“Get the fuck out,” Changbin pulled you into Seungmin’s room where two people were making out on his couch. “Now.” He ordered.

The couple glanced at each other but did as they were told, which was good on their part. Changbin was scary when he was mad. You were dreading whatever was about to happen because he pulled you away from the crowd probably to scold you for almost getting yourself drugged.

The couple left closing the door behind them leaving you in a dim lit room with Changbin angrily pacing back and forth.

“You are so reckless!” Changbin’s voice made you flinch. You know he didn’t mean to, but he still needed to learn how to control his anger. “Why would you take a drink from someone you don’t know?”

All you could do was wrap your arms around yourself and avoid Changbin’s eyes. You felt like you could melt under his gaze, or burn.

“There are bad guys out there, (Y/N), just waiting for you to let your guard down enough so they can take advantage of you.” He was saying it with good intentions but that still didn’t make you any less angry about it.

“So, what the hell am I suppose to do then? Just not go out? Not drink or have any fun?” Your argument was weak but you hated being pushed around. Especially by Seo Changbin.

“That’s not the point, (Y/N) and you know it.” He stopped pacing taking an abrupt step towards you, your back hit the wall. He took another step cornering you in.

From this close you could smell his cologne, warm and musky. His chest was rising higher than normal, his anger still evident in his eyes and the way he set his jaw. Damn he looks so hot... wait shut up this is not the right time, you tried shaking the thought away but Changbin hit the wall next to your head making you jump.

“Look at me.” His voice was strained.

“Make me.” You challenged, the words leaving your lips before you could filter them out as this is a really bad idea, don’t say that.

He grabbed your jaw fingers digging into your cheeks forcing you to meet his gaze. It annoyed you how much that turned you on, you squeezed your eyes shut trying to control your lust.

“Do you like it when I get rough with you, is that it?” Changbin squeezed a little tighter until you opened your eyes meeting his. Fuck, was all you could think.

“Maybe.” You replied raising an eyebrow. “Maybe I just want to see you go insane.” 

His dark laugh made you tremble.

“You know what drives me insane?” He sneered, “The fact that we had one decent, open conversation and then you ghost me like a fucking stranger you met off Tinder.”

To be fair, you knew it was coming. You shoved him off, crossing the room before slumping down on the couch, kicking your boots off and crossing one leg over the other so you wouldn’t flash him by accident.

He watched you from across the room as you noticeably gathered your thoughts before starting, “I.. I didn’t mean to do that.”

Changbin threw his head back in disbelief laughing before angrily asking if you were serious. You didn’t reply which seemed to only set him off even more. He crossed the large room in three strides before sitting down on the coffee table right in front of you leaning forward, elbows on his knees, face resting in his hands; but you didn’t flinch or shrink away this time.

“Then why did you do that to me?” His voice was lower now, his eyes were closed as if he was struggling just to say those words. As if he was trying to hid the hurt that was laced in that question.

“Because I wanted you to feel the same hurt that I felt when you abandoned me.” The words stumbled out of your mouth again before you could stop them.

You both froze.

It’s not something you consciously had thought out, but as soon as you said it you realized that was it. That was the real reason you were avoiding him, you wanted to get back at him. You wanted him to feel the same pain and loneliness you did when he left. Of what could have been but wasn’t.

“That’s fair.” Changbin concluded before straightening his back. “I don’t blame you.”

You sized him up trying to find any trace that he was lying, but he seemed a little more relaxed now. His shoulders were slack, his breathing was normal, eyes serious.

“Really?”

He nodded. “There is one thing though.” He said placing his hand on your knee before pushing it off your other leg. “I haven’t repaid you for that one time at the apartment.”

Your eyes widened as he pushed your legs apart. “Wh–what are you doing?”

He smirked at your sudden shyness. “I told you. Paying you back.”

“No, no it’s okay, I swear, just don’t mention it.” You clumsily shot up before stepping a safe distance away suddenly cursing yourself for being barefoot.

He laughed with his whole chest before standing up straight. “Come on, you were not this shy sucking me off.”

Your cheeks were burning, you were positive your face was the same color as your dress. Changbin made his way over to you, pushing your hair back behind your shoulder. The closeness of his body, the way his eyes made trails down your neck and collarbones made you tremble again, you tried crossing your arms to keep yourself still.

He noticed you shaking.

“Hey, (Y/N), it’s really okay if you don’t want to. I would never do anything you weren’t comfortable with.” His voice was soft, worried.

“It’s not that,” You trailed off averting your gaze. “It’s just I’ve never been... You know.”

“Never what?” He raised his eyebrow in that way that said, I don’t believe you,”I know you’re not a virgin.”

You rolled your eyes and scoffed, “Of course not, I mean the,” You flailed with your hand trying to get the point across without explicitly saying it, “I’ve never.. you know.”

Realization dawned on his features, “Oh... you’ve never been eaten out?”

“Fuck, yes, Changbin. That. God.” The fact that he said it out loud made you even more shy.

“You’re so cute when you’re flustered.” He said before pinching your cheek and biting his lip.

“This room’s taken.” Changbin called as a couple walked in barely keeping each other on their feet. He shoved them out before closing and locking the door behind them.

“Changbin!” You squeaked as he rushed back over to you, picking you up off the ground and carrying you to the bed before tossing you easily on it. There was a mischievous glint in his eyes, one you hadn’t seen in a very long time.

“Who let you wear this dress?” He asked pulling at it teasingly; undressing you with his eyes.

“Jinnie bought it for me.” You replied. He took off his jacket, the sleeves of his black shirt were cut off revealing his biceps. “Been working out?” You asked not hiding your want anymore.

“Like what you see?” Changbin asked before pulling your legs towards him so your bum was at the end of the mattress.

You nodded, biting the tip of your finger as you gazed up at him. He ran his hands up your calves and thighs before tugging you a little closer to the edge.

“When did you get so buff?” You asked half teasing. He raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, you know just looking out for my health.”

“Sure.” You rolled your eyes laughing.

There was silence as Changbin took you in again, staring down at you, his face unreadable as always. “Would it be okay if we forgot everything for a little while?”

His words made you catch your breath in your chest. Your fingertips grazed his hands on your thighs, slowly back and forth before nodding hesitantly, “That sounds fun” You breathed.

Changbin smiled before slipping his hands under your dress and slowly pulled down your lacy black panties. He got on his knees and spread your legs open, the motion made you squeeze your eyes shut squeaking in the process, covering your face with your hands.

“Ah, what? Don’t tell me you’re still shy.” Changbin laughed before placing small kisses on the inside of your thighs, switching between the two. There was a soft romantic song playing in the distance, so you tried to focus on it to calm your increasing heartbeat as Changbin kissed and sucked small spots on your sensitive skin.

His breath was warm as were his lips and his hands felt like they were burning on your thighs. It wasn’t long until you felt your body longing for more of him. He noticed the way your breathing started to come slightly quicker, the way your legs started to unconsciously shake with want and desire. He saw the way you bit your lip trying to keep yourself from making any sound, and the way you covered your eyes with your arm, hand clenched into a fist.

He smirked wanting to make you break.

“Oh, my god.” You breathed as you felt his tongue trace along your folds. You trembled at his warm touch. He liked the way you looked from this point of view and the way you tasted on his tongue.

His mouth found your clit and you let out a “Fuck,” as he drew circles with his tongue, the sensation sending waves of pleasure that you had never felt before. It was so much better than touching yourself. He went between licking you up and circling your clit occasionally sucking on it making you whimper.

“That feels so so good,” Your hands found their way into his hair pushing it out of his eyes, he looked sexy from here.

“I’m glad you like it,” He hummed still at your core, the vibrations of his voice against your clit making you shake.

You could feel the heat starting to rise, the way that familiar knot was forming in your core. 

But suddenly, you remembered the guy on the dance floor. The way he smelled of weed, the way he pushed his body against your back. The way he lead you off the dance floor and handed you the drink. The drink you almost drank, the one he drugged to... 

The sensation hit you like a truck after a few minutes and you could feel the pleasure start to change into something else, your breathing was coming out faster and heavier. The walls of the room started to close in and you felt like you might pass out. Your thighs were trembling and Changbin had to hold them open to keep you from trying to close them.

“Changbin I– I– fuck, I–,” you couldn’t form a coherent sentence and panic started to rise in your chest. There were black dots starting to dance across your vision, you felt claustrophobic, “Shit, it’s really heavy. Changbin, please,”

 “Please what?” He asked, noticing panic in your voice. But you couldn’t speak all you could do was clench his hair making him stop.

“I– I need to catch my breath.” Fuck why were you panicking now. You sat up clenching your chest trying to focus your breathing. Changbin was sitting back on his knees, he grabbed your face between his hands trying to get you to focus on him.

“Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay just look at me. Focus on me.” His eyes and voice were calm but you felt a small part of you unraveling. Your chest hurt from how hard you were trying to breath, you tried closing your eyes but Changbin got your attention again, “No, (Y/N) look at me, keep focusing on me. I’m here. I’m real.”

Your eyes desperately searched his face trying to center yourself.

“The guy fro–from be–before, I– I’m having a p–anic attack,” You chocked out trying to at least tell him what was happening. It wasn’t the first time he saw you panic, but it had been a very long time.

“Okay, baby, don’t worry I’m right here. Just breathe. Can you tell me five things you can see? Come on, just five little things.” You could only see a small glint of desperation in his eyes.

“H–hair,” You chocked out looking at his dark hair, “Eyes,” His eyes that felt like home...

“That’s great, baby, really great. Three more. Just tell me three more little things you see.” Changbin encouraged, hands warm against your cheeks.

“Nose” that you loved to pinch when you would tease him in high school, “Cheeks,” they were flushed, “Lips,” they were soft and still wet from eating you out, your eyes stayed there.

“Great. Now four things you can touch.”

Your breathing was still heavy but you were a tiny bit calmer. You touched the bed for a few seconds, your dress, his hair and his hands on your face.

“Three things you can hear.” He continued calmly, voice like honey.

You concentrated, “rain, piano, your breathing.”

“Two things you can smell.”

“Beer and... your cologne.” Your eyes were closed but you were almost in complete control again.

“That’s amazing baby, now tell me one thing you can taste,”

“Dos XX.” You opened your eyes, he was smiling softly. “Damn it, Changbin I’m so sorry.”

You felt so guilty for freaking out like that. It was something that was out of your control but you still felt guilty and week for letting it overtake you like that. Especially now of all moments.

Changbin stayed on his knees looking up at you. You felt so embarrassed. Why did that have to happen now, you cursed yourself again. It had been months since your last panic attack but something about the way that guy tried to drug you made you lose your mind.

You pulled Changbin’s arm tugging him to join you on the bed. “Can you hug me for a bit, please?”

He chuckled before kicking off his shoes and climbing onto the bed. He pulled your body back with him as he sat up right against the headboard. His arms were wrapped tightly around your waist as you settled between his legs. He rested his chin on your shoulder half mumbling half singing the lyrics to I will follow you into the dark and swaying you gently. You closed your eyes relaxing against his chest, feeling the vibrations as he sang the sweet words into your ear. You felt at home in his arms, they were strong and safe. Like a fortress.

After a while of being like this you shifted in his embrace enough to where you could look up at him.

“What?” He asked half worried half smiling.

“Thank you for saving me. Or well, not saving me but you know... saving me. I didn’t realize the guy was a total scumbag. I should have been more careful.” You looked down fiddling with your fingers.

Changbin was quiet for a long time before responding. “If you let me be near you again, I promise I will always keep you safe.”

You met his gaze again. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, yes, I like you. A lot, actually. But I understand if you don’t want to be with me in that way or at least not right now, but it would be really great if we could try being friends again.. like before.”

Like before.

That’s all you had ever wanted. Was to go back to how things had been before, but you weren’t sure if that was even possible anymore. So much at had changed, everything was different. You were different.

“Can we go back to forgetting everything... Just for a little while longer?” You asked placing your hand on his neck, pulling his lips down to yours. You felt tired from the panic attack, but you need to feel something. Something that would replace the fear.

“Are you sure this is okay?” Changbin asked, he was hesitating against your lips.

You nodded pulling him into a kiss, your hands getting lost in his hair. Everything seemed to rush, the way your teeth teased his lips and his yours. The way you shifted yourself to lay down on your back pulling Changbin on top of you as you did. The way his hands slipped under your dress feeling your cold skin, and yours tugging his shirt desperately. You pulled the shirt over his head tossing it to the side before he went back to your lips shoving his tongue into your mouth. You could still taste yourself on his tongue and you blushed.

“I really want you to fuck me.”

Changbin chocked at your comment before laughing, “Damn, you can be really bold sometimes. I like it.”

He wasted no time unbuckling his belt buck, he looked so sexy doing it biting his lip, he knew what he could do to you. Changbin discarded the rest of his clothes and pulled your dress off surprised to see you weren’t wearing a bra.

“What?” You teased.

“Nothing, you’re just really hot.” His lips were hot on your chest, trailing down your stomach and back up again. His hands massaging your boobs before taking one in his mouth, he nibbling on your nipple the sensation making you whimper.

You pulled him by his hair back up to your lips, your legs wrapping around his bare waist pulling his naked body to yours.

“If you make me wait any longer I’m going to go crazy,” You whined pouting at Changbin making him laugh. “Oh, fuck,” he said shaking his head, “I don’t have a condom, I forgot my wallet at home...” At this point you were so turned on you just wanted to hit him, but you needed him so desperately. 

“It’s okay, I’m on the pill. Either way, I trust you.” You looked at him as you consented, before pulling his body closer to yours. The tip of his throbbing cock was teasing your entrance and you whined pushing your hips to get closer to him.

Changbin tsked, “You’re so impatient baby girl.”

“I need you, I don’t want to feel afraid anymore.” You didn’t care that the words sounded dumb or selfish, it was the truth.

“You don’t need to be afraid with me around.” He hummed into your neck brushing his head against your cheek, his hair was soft and smelled of mint. “I’ll keep you safe.” his words gave you chills.

“I know that, Changbin.” You didn’t, but you wanted to.

He slowly pushed his tip into your entrance making you squeeze your eyes shut.

“Look at me,” Changbin said grabbing your jaw in the way that was starting to feel familiar. “I want you to know that it’s me, that it’s me and no one else.”

You picked up on what he was hinting at, because there were things he noticed that you didn’t. Like what may or may not trigger another panic attack. He was right, so you kept your eyes open, watching as his face scrunched up as he pushed himself into your pussy stretching you out.

“Oh, fuck that’s tight.” He groaned, voice raspy and deep. “Fuck.”

He waited for you to adjust before continuing to move slowly in and out. You were still slick from before, so even though he filled you up it felt so good. The way he kissed your neck, and left love marks made you whine and tell him how much you had always wanted to do this.

“How many times have you thought about fucking me?” He asked, sitting back on his knees and pulling your waist higher to fuck you at a better angle. These types of positions always made you a little self conscious since he had a full frontal view, but you felt safe under his gaze.

“Too many to count.” You admitted laughing before moaning as he picked up the pace in time to the song that was playing downstairs. The friction felt like heaven and you felt the butterflies in your stomach start to turn into little knots. “Have you ever thought about fucking me?”

“Since the day I met you,” Changbin confessed between moans. “Fuck (Y/N) you feel so fucking good.”

“Changbin,” You moaned his name, eyes rolling back shut. You arched your back slightly as he pounded into you, the increased pace was making you feel hotter. “Fuck, if I would have known you were this good I would have asked you to fuck me sooner.”

He laughed at your vulgar comment, “Where? Like at the hide out?” He slammed into you again making you curse, your walls starting to clench around his cock.

“Yeah, that would have been really fun.” You found his hand and squeezed it. “Shit, I’m getting really close.” “Don’t worry baby you can cum whenever you want.” His words made you go crazy, and he praised you telling you how well you were doing. He pulled your legs up over his shoulder and bottoming you out with each and every thrust.

“Changbin, don’t stop.” You moaned as the sound of his skin slapping yours echoed louder and louder, Changbin’s breathing was hitching and you knew he was about to cum too. “Fuck,” The knots in your stomach turned into heatwaves as you released onto Changbin, he slammed into you harder and faster the friction making you see stars.

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum!” Changbin moaned your name as he came in you, his hot white liquid filling you up and you loved the way it felt. “Shit.”

He fell on your chest letting your legs rest on either side of him, you both struggled to catch your breath but the sound was sweet in your ears. Changbin kept telling you how beautiful you looked in this mess and how amazing you felt. You ran your fingers through his wet hair, admiring his beautiful features as he rested on your chest.

“Hands down,” Changbin breathed, swallowing his spit to hydrate his dry throat, “My favorite.”

You waited for him to finish his thought but he didn’t.

“Your favorite what?” You probed, putting your arm on your forehead still coming down from your high.

“Oh, my favorite sex round.” He said still breathing heavy, laughing. The sound echoing in your chest.

“Yeah, it was pretty fucking amazing.” You agreed. Changbin pulled himself out of you slowly before settling next to you pulling you close. You rested your head on his chest hearing his heartbeat return to normal, the sound bringing you peace.

His hand traced the curve of your waist, and he did that for long time.

Eventually you both fell asleep and sometime through the night, decided to just keep sleeping getting comfortable under the covers and Changbin’s skin pressed against yours.

It was the first night in a long time where you felt like you actually rested well. The morning light woke you and for a few seconds you started to panic, until you saw Changbin’s sleeping face next to yours. Then you remembered the night before, and the amazing things you felt. You calmed your heart and snuggled back into his chest.

“Mm?” he mused lightly.

“Shh, sorry for waking you.” You whispered wrapping your arms around him tightly. He chuckled and fell back asleep in seconds.

That was until Seungmin walked through the door and started yelling every curse word in the book, “What the fuck do you guys think you’re doing in my bed. Wait, fuck, what the hell did you guys do in my bed? Don’t tell me you fucking had sex in my bed that is so fucking gross. Ew! I hate you guys, we’re not friends anymore, get the hell out of my house and wash the damn sheets before you leave I’m telling Chan on you guys..” Seungmin stormed out of the room continuing his rant.

You and Changbin exchanged looks before bursting out laughing.

“I really hope this doesn’t turn into an everyday thing when we have sex.” Changbin said whipping a tear from his eye from laughing so hard. First Chan and now Seungmin.

You prayed to the gods the same thing.

[isthatbloodonhisshirt]

New Year’s Wrap Up!

Thank you @corancoranthemagicalman​ for tagging me in this! I honestly don’t ever think about these things ahaha |D So this is kinda cool tbh. Thank you :3 

Does my current WIP technically count in this case? I’ll pretend it does, I mean, I WROTE it in 2019, just didn’t post it until December 30th |D lol So technically, it counts, it’s only a WIP on Ao3, not on my computer :P 

Fics that you wrote in 2019

Up Down Lock Unlock (Sterek, 42k, G)

Through the Window (Sterek, 6.8k, G)

Business Skype (Sterek, 6k, G)

It Was a Wednesday (Sterek, 80k, M)

Be Still My Heart (You’re Beating Too Loud and my Neighbour’s a Bitch) (Sterek, 34k, T+)

What Fresh Twilight Bullshit is This? (Sterek, 196k, E)

Everyone Needs a Little Mischief in their Life (Sterek, 18k, T+)

There’s no Escape for the Potato Man (Sterek, 54k, T+)

SuperWing, Stucky and SlaDick, Oh My! (Sterek, 34.8k, T+)

Quack (Stiles Stop Calling It That) (Sterek, 16k, T+)

Because Family is More than Just Blood (Sterek, 5K, G)

I mean, again, TECHNICALLY Actions Speak Louder Than Words also counts because I wrote it in 2019 and am just posting most of it in 2020... So... (Sterek, 384k, E)

We are going to assume all questions are answered with the inclusion of Actions.

Total Fics: I wrote 12 fics this year. Enough to be considered one a month, except definitely not one a month since Twilight took me two months and Actions took me a fucking ETERNITY, like, I think I started in July? Maybe August, but still, took me FOREVER!  

Total Words: 877,632. Less than last year :( I broke a million words last year. Maybe I can break 2 Million in 2020! (LOL Yeah no...) 

Ship/Character Breakdowns: LOL Sterek. That’s... that’s it... 

Best/Worst Title:  Best Title (IMO): What Fresh Twilight Bullshit is This? (Idk man, I laugh every time I think about it, so I like it) Runner up Best Title: It Was a Wednesday Worst Title: Up Down Lock Unlock. (I legit had no idea what to call that fic, so, you know |D)

Best/Worst First Line:  Best First Line: From “Everyone Needs a Little Mischief in Their Life” 

To be fair, he hadn’t exactly meant to throw him into a tree.

Worst First Line: From “Quack (Stiles Stop Calling It That)”

“Stiles.” A loud grunt escaped said individual at the harsh smack to his posterior. “Up. Get up.”

General Questions

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

I feel like kind of less than I thought. I had plans for two others but then Actions took over and I know myself well enough to know if I didn’t finish it first, I never would. So I’m gonna take a short break to catch up on like, life >.> And then start back up again starting with a long overdue birthday present. Hopefully I can write more in 2020 \o/

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

HAHAHA Uh, I only wrote Sterek and I knew I would only write Sterek so I guess I knew all along? Man, I write too much Sterek... 

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

Probably It Was a Wednesday. I mean, it was super SAD, and I was AWFUL to poor Stiles, but idk, I don’t write Derek’s POV very much, and I kind of liked having Derek be the one to save someone else for once. And I liked that he was the only one who could truly understand what Stiles had gone through compared to everyone else. It was also nice being able to write a fic where it showcases the pack can’t survive without Stiles because once he disappeared, the pack fell apart, and my honest opinion is that that is 100% what would happen. Without Stiles, the pack can’t function and begins to fracture, so it was fun writing them coming back together around him when he returned. 

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

From 2019, What Fresh Twilight Bullshit is This? To be fair, it’s like, 116k words longer than my next longest fic of 2019 so I feel like that’s an unfair comparison lol.

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

I say It Was a Wednesday -slams hands on desk- But I’m biased because it’s my fav from 2019 >.> But it’s number 5 kudos-wise for 2019! I think it’s the angst. The first four are all more fluffy (Except Twilight, but it has an equal amount of fluff and angst). I guess my real self is coming out. SURPRISE! I am an Angst Queen >.>

Story that could have been better?

Be Still My Heart (My Neighbour’s a Bitch and You’re Beating Too Loud). Honestly, not super happy with that fic, but I wrote it for personal reasons. To copy/paste so as not to repeat myself: 

(As of October 2019) So basically, Stiles is currently me. I have had a neighbour complaining about me for literally 31 months (which, for people bad at math like me, is OVER two years) and they are literally ruining my life. I have massive anxiety every time I do anything, INCLUDING SLEEP, and I basically cannot live my life in any capacity. The building manager is really nice to me, but the property manager is pretty much useless and the complaints continue to come during times where I am literally passed out in bed. In light of that, I wrote this fic because by God, I needed some fucking happy in my life over a situation I have no control over. Is Derek in the wrong? I mean, yeah, I never say he's not. Did Stiles suffer? Of course he did. But you know what? He got a happy ending, because turns out his anxiety was due to a poor decision on Derek's part, and he felt terrible about it. I don't get a happy ending, I get constant anxiety and apologetic texts from the building manager because it's his job to tell me he knows I'm sleeping but lady is still complaining. So given I wrote this to make myself feel better, and I decided to share it with you, do me a favour and instead of making me feel worse by telling me how horrible I am and how shitty Derek is, just hit the red X in the corner instead and you can avoid having to look at this fic again. People write things for various reasons, it'd be real great if there was a bit more understanding and a bit less attacks in the world. You don't know why someone wrote something or what's going on with the person on the other end of the computer screen. So just click the X if you hated this fic and thought Derek was a dick to Stiles. I know he was, but Stiles at least gets to live his life anxiety-free because the building manager was in love with him. I get to go cry in the shower every night.

Sexiest story?

What Fresh Twilight Bullshit Is This? It’s the only one with smut, I’m pretty sure, so it’s really the only one that counts |D

Saddest story?

It Was a Wednesday, hands down. I was really mean to Stiles in it.

Most fun?

Oh man, uhhhh... Oh maaaaaaaaan.... I thought it would be between two of them, but it’s between FOUR... Business Skype, There’s No Escape For the Potato Man, Quack (Stiles Stop Calling It That) and SuperWing, Stucky and SlaDick, Oh My! 

Hmmmmmmmmmm..... hmhmhmhmhmhmhm....

UGH! This is hard. Okay, I’ma go with Potato Man. I got the idea randomly and it was ridiculous but still fun, so I’m gonna stick to that. It was my first instinct, going with it. 

Story with the single sweetest moment?

Actions Speak Louder Than Words, but I can’t quote the part because it hasn’t been posted yet |D 

So runner up is It Was a Wednesday:

“Need is a very specific thing. Your dad needs you, because he doesn’t know how to function without you. He needs you to be there to watch what he eats, and he needs you to stay close to him so he knows he hasn’t lost everyone he cares about. He needs you like a dying man needs one more breath. He’s desperate for it.

“Scott needs you, too. He needs you to keep him out of trouble. He needs you to challenge him, to keep him in line, to keep the Pack together. He needs you to be the voice of reason, to make the plans, to know when to fight and when to turn tail and run. Scott needs you like an Alpha needs a second, because he doesn’t know how to do this without you. He doesn’t know how to exist without you in his orbit, because you’ve never not been in his orbit before.

“But me? I don’t need you. At all. Because I survived before you, and I survived after you. I can manage without you in my life, but the difference is I won’t. Because I want you. I want you to be in my life. I want you in my space, arguing with me, annoying me, being infuriatingly right all the time. I want you to be a part of my future, whether it’s as a coworker at the garage, as a Packmate to this broken Pack that I don’t even know can be salvaged, as a friend, as a brother, I don’t care. All I know is that want and need are two different things, and just because I don’t need you doesn’t mean I don’t want you.”

Hardest story to write?

Actions Speak Louder Than Words, hands down. I love dialogue. Like, loooooooooooove dialogue, which is why writing fics with tons of texting make me supremely happy. And I decided, hey, what if I wrote a fic where one of the two main characters is cursed and can’t speak? What if I did that? And then what if I made it ALMOST 400k? WHAT IF I VERY SMARTLY DID THAT LIKE A VERY SMART PERSON? 

I’m lucky I’m still sane, tbh. 

Easiest/most fun story to write?

Okay, Business Skype can go here then. Because it was definitely the easiest, and also really fun :) 

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

I mean, kind of It Was a Wednesday, I guess. Like I said above, it made me think about how the pack can’t function without Stiles, personally. So I’d say probably that one for that reason. 

Most overdue story?

Actions Speak Louder Than Words. That thing was an asshole to me :( 

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? I don’t think so? Unless writing really excessively long fics this year counts? Because I did two of those... And clearly, I learned nothing from that suffering.

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

To not take five months to write one fic... That’d be good |D Kinda wanna do another challenge, but don’t know what. I’ll think on it. If anyone has any challenge ideas, let me know :) 

[gffa]

So, Tuesday was @writegowrite​’s birthday and I’m going to tell you why she’s such a lovely person and such a lovely author. She has always been incredibly sweet and kind, she has so many nice things to say to others, and I would adore her whether she’d written a single word or not, whether she ever writes another word. She’s a positive presence in this fandom, she always makes me feel better to see her posts on my dash, and she’s always so thoughtful and insightful about these characters we love and she has such a warm, steady feel every time I’ve spoken with her. She is one of my favorite people in this fandom and I say that completely separate from her fic writing. But, oh, her fic writing.  I’m absolutely in love with everything she writes, from her happier stories to the beautiful angst to the almost poetic way she can weave together words, and so I’m collecting together all the recs I’ve done for her work and I want to tell you why you should snag everything on this list and read it all and your life will be so much more fulfilled for it. (Equinox and Broken both have updated recs!) ✦ Equinox by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin, sith!obi-wan, 9k    During the Clone Wars, Obi-Wan and Anakin crash on a remote planet and take shelter in the ruins of a grand estate only to find they are not alone. ✦ Home Again by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, dom/sub, light kink, 1.7k    When Anakin’s emotions overwhelm him, Obi-Wan is always there with a firm hand and clear eye to help him find his way back from the dark. ✦ Broken by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka & rex & cast, NSFW, dark themes, sith!obi-wan, 30.8k wip    The Twins are unstoppable enforcers of the Emperor’s will, the sun and moon that hang in the black void of his rule. It is said they are not the same age and that under their hoods they do not look alike, but they fight as one entity, silent and terrible as an eclipse in a spring sky. ✦ Release by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, ~1k    A quick and dirty story about quick and dirty things. ✦ Family by lilyconrad, obi-wan & anakin & qui-gon & darth maul & cast, sith!obi-wan, 6.8k    Seven years after the duel on Naboo, Obi-Wan Kenobi has turned to the dark, Maul has turned to the light, and young Anakin is caught somewhere in-between. Can Qui-Gon rescue his Padawan before it’s too late? ✦ A Walking Shadow by lilyconrad, obi-wan & anakin & padme & luke & leia & palpatine & cast, 74.6k    It is five years into the Empire’s ascension, an order built on the blood and bodies of the Jedi. None survived, they say, and the handsome, icy profile of Lord Vader plastered across every Imperial city leaves no room for doubt in the minds of many. But Vader knows there is at least one left, one that escaped him on Mustafar all those years ago. ✦ The World Undone by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka & maul, nsfw, sith!obi-wan, 143.3k    Anakin Skywalker, proud symbol of the strength and purity of the Jedi Order, is the target of a strange and handsome Sith named Obi-Wan, whose only goal seems to be pulling Skywalker down into the dark with him. ✦ The Warp and the Weft by FireflyFish, lilyconrad, obi-wan & anakin & rey & cast, 3.2k wip    Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet the Force. “We are all a part of the great Cosmic Force and whether we like it or not, when called, we must answer. Even if we’re dead, Anakin.” ✦ Coda by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, modern au, 60k wip    Anakin is an up-and-coming first soloist for the New York City Ballet Company, a brash, confident dancer with a smoldering sensuality to his technique and an electric smile that makes fangirl toes curl and quite possibly his choreographer’s. full details + recs under the cut!

✦ Equinox by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin, sith!obi-wan, 9k    During the Clone Wars, Obi-Wan and Anakin crash on a remote planet and take shelter in the ruins of a grand estate only to find they are not alone.    Chapter 1: I was always going to be biased, since this was a birthday gift for me, it was always going to appeal to everything I wanted, but, oh, I genuinely love it and would have whether it was meant for me or not. There’s so much really beautiful imagery in the first chapter already, there’s so much lush description of the planet that Jedi!Obi-Wan and Jedi!Anakin land on, there’s such a feel of it being a gothic horror piece already, just from the atmosphere the fic paints. And already I love the little details, the way Obi-Wan and Anakin worry over each other, the way Obi-Wan tells Anakin to just sit down as he pours more energy into healing Anakin as best he can, no matter how much it costs himself, the descriptions of the mansion they find themselves at, and the killer cliffhanger ending, of course. I want the next chapter so badly already and I am so eagerly looking forward to the two pairs meeting each other and having to deal with seeing how much is or isn’t reflected back at themselves and whatever else will come from this story. It’s a great set-up and I’m going to be circling this one like a hawk, let me tell you.     Chapter 2: This is an update rec and will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. I am, of course, entirely biased towards this fic, because it’s a present for me and because it’s tailored to the things I enjoy, but I legitimately love this fic so much and every chapter (even if it’s just two right now, I expect this trend will continue) gets me further and further hooked. This is where the Jedi versions of Obi-Wan and Anakin meet their other universe selves, where there’s this really well-done undercurrent of how these people look like them, aren’t them, but there are these little things that are so unsettling in all the right ways. The way the fic uses small touches, like the way SIth!Obi-Wan pulls on Sith!Anakin’s hair, which makes him tip his head back and go a little slack, the way Sith!Anakin twirls his saber before he settles on an attack, the way they work as a team, it gives this really beautifully done air of how these characters are familiar yet not. The details they use to convince Jedi Obi-Wan and Anakin that they are who they say they are! It’s unsettling in the perfect way.    And I’m so impressed that there’s a moment in the fic (the hair pulling) where it’s not even explicit at all, but, damn, did it get under my skin and wind its way into my thoughts, it suggested so many things without being suggestive, and it was beautifully written. The fic does a beautiful job with already winding in those elements of a d/s relationship in a way that works for the characters, it does so in the way that hits my id dead on, but also is legitimately lovely writing for these characters. This is what I’m here for and, ahhh, it’s so good and so gorgeous already!    Chapter 3: This is an update rec and will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole, though I do my best to avoid too many major spoilers! I almost can’t believe that this fic is over 15k already and it’s only a quarter of the way done and it just has me entirely hooked on it, that of course I enjoy everything I read of Lily’s, but this one is going to be special to me, even beyond that it’s a gift for me. And this chapter just further cements that in, with the way there’s something that gently pulls at me the entire chapter, some combination of waiting for the big reveals we know are coming and waiting for the shit to hit the fan as things always do and this sense of… the whole time I was reading this chapter, as Obi-Wan and Anakin were trying to figure out what was going on, trying to figure out what to do next to get off this planet, I felt the sense of something not quite making sense here, in that way that an adventure set in the canon itself would feel. You know somethig isn’t exactly as benign as it appears on the surface, you know something is going on here, but you’re not quite sure what it is and you can feel it but there aren’t enough pieces to put it together yet, all of which was done so very well by the writing here, it’s exactly that kind of creeping tension that makes a story, whether fic or canon, so good.    Of course it’s not just that, there’s also the other touches that are written into the story, like the way Obi-Wan and Anakin work together, the way they obviously care deeply, the way they’re such good friends and I can feel that it’s been a hard-won friendship between them, but that it means the galaxy to Anakin–which, of course, is what will make the reflection of that dynamic in the Sith versions so sharp and have such impact on the Jedi versions, because it’s another inverse reflection of their relationship. And I love the structure here, but oh man when Anakin does finally stumble over them, it’s worth the wait, it’s one of those moments that quietly shatters something in him, not really in a bad way, there’s a sense of how something seems to… maybe not quite click into place, though it’s not far off from that and it’s definitely not as horrible as he might have expected it to be, instead it sneaks under his skin and gets to him, makes all these images and thoughts bloom so much more into focus for him.    But it’s also the little touches of this story, the way Veris talks to Isten when Anakin overhears them, the way there’s something so charming and yet dominating about their relationship, and, oh, does that hit my id and work so well for me. It’s also about what that does to Anakin, how relatable his reaction is, as well as that I love the gen dynamic between him and Jedi Obi-Wan, that we seetheir friendship here, we see the care, in the way they walk to each other, the way they each help the other, the way they metaphorically put their backs to each other and face whatever’s coming, the way they heal each other, the way they talk to each other (such lovely and fun and sparkling dialogue! I lovedgallows humor, because it’s so entirely them!), like it works as a way to compare/contrast against the Sith, but it would have been a joy to read just for its own sake as well. This fic has absolutely caught me and taken over me and I love it dearly and just want to vent my feelings for like an hour about it–as you can see.    Chapter 4: This is an update rec and will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. I’m also going split this rec into two parts, the first half will be my usual mostly non-spoilery version, the second will be a much more detailed reaction. Because I want to and I have things to say! Non-spoilery: I’ll preface this by saying that this fic was written for me and so it’s tailored to my wants, so I cannot speak with true objectivity on it, but I can still recognize when something is beautifully written and when it’s just ridiculously good. While reading this fic, it was like I could feel my brain lighting up from it, there was almost a physical feeling in my nerves for how much I enjoyed a certain scene in this chapter, where Obi-Wan and Isten (Sith!Anakin) have a conversation and it gets at the heart of what is so, so fascinating about these two pairs meeting–they’re not the same as their other self, but they are a negative image of each other, and that the contrasts are all there, beautifully done, but there’s also more comparisons than Obi-Wan (or Anakin) would be comfortable with. And it takes nothing away from the canon, nor does it make these beautiful Soft Sith versions any less the ones of my heart, and that’s exactly what I hoped for.    The tension in that scene, after the almost lazy and unhurried scene between Obi-Wan and Anakin, is incredible, that this Isten is recognizable as Anakin in some ways and everything that means to Obi-Wan, but he’s so different and that means the tone changes, it changes in the way the scene unfolds, in the showing of it, not the author telling it. And, oh, good god, that scene doesn’t even have to be explicit to be smoking hot, the imagery is ridiculously good, and the final scene, the reason why Obi-Wan goes, what he sees, what it says about those two as well as himself and Anakin, all of it just smacked my id down to the floor and told it not to get up again, in the best possible way. Of course, that’s not even all, there’s a growing mystery, there are little character details all over the place, and a beautifully creepy scene in the hallway that’s only a moment, but had me hooked for the plot, too, not just the gorgeous twining around all four of these characters do with each other.    SPOILERS: I think the above rec could be read without having read the chapter itself, but beyond this point I’m absolutely going to talk about specific things and I think the chapter is better read first–but I still want to do this because a) FEELINGS and b) I know I like reading responses from other people sometimes, too! I loved all of this chapter, it’s easily my favorite of the fic yet, I loved the way Obi-Wan and Anakin’s relationship is this friendship fraught with the same issues we all recognize from canon, that they care deeply about each other, but they’re wound tightly because of the war and that there’s that bit of distance between them that feels not right. Then along comes the Sith duo, especially Isten, who can’t help poking at them, for whatever reason he does it, because he’s bored, because he likes doing it, because Veris (Sith!Obi-Wan) wanted him to, because he has a plan, because he just wants to see things explode, or even just because Obi-Wan is still a version of his Master. And he’s so like Anakin in some ways, so much of a cocky attitude, so much power roiling through him, and yet he’s more settled in his skin than Anakin himself is, there’s something that feels like it’s clicked into place for him, and that scene does a lot to show Obi-Wan just exactly what that is. He needles this version of his Master with how he and Veris are together, how he listens to Veris, how Obi-Wan wants to know why that is, and then shows him.    It’s not even an explicit scene, but it was still one of the hottest things I’ve ever read, how he sinks to his knees and loosens his clothing and touches himself, softly pleads with his Master to touch him, how much he wants this. That Obi-Wan isn’t out of line to think that Veris forces him to be the way he is, to see him still wearing his tabards because Veris likes it (and that was a beautifully subtle touch, for further comparisons and contrasts), to see the way Veris grabs him by the hair to pull his head back, to hear Isten say that Veris has him every night, but that it unfolds and we see that it’s what Isten wants, that he enjoys the guiding hand Veris uses on him, that he easily gives it over for the control Veris can wrap him up in, despite his incredible strength and power. And that it’s a scene about the way Obi-Wan reacts, the iron in his voice when he commands Isten to stop that, the way Isten stills at it and the moment of intense satisfaction it brings Obi-Wan before he’s horrified, that spark of finally reigning Anakin in, finally putting necessary boundaries on him, then the guilt that he would enjoy it, despite that Isten flourishes under it, needs it. That comparison to go with the contrast, what it says not just about this other version of Anakin, but how it immediately turns thoughts to this Anakin, how little control he has over himself, how much more unsettled and unstable he feels, how much more angry he is, and it can’t help but intrigue.    Not that the fic is done with me yet! Oh, to have Obi-Wan happen to see Veris and Isten in the middle of actual fucking, especially after Anakin had stumbled over them as well, was delightfully executed here, it wasn’t just that it made sense, but that it got at my feelings, that this was still a version of Anakin and, if he was in trouble, Obi-Wan had to help him, no matter that it might have been a trap they were setting. It says everything about Obi-Wan, that he recognizes the potential risks here, he’s not blind about what it could be, but if there’s a chance, he has to help. It’s still Anakin. Even if it’s not, because the scene with the Jedi is… even when they’re sharing a room, even when it’s clear they’re very close, there’s that sense of distance, it’s something just a little less warm, which is so different from Veris and Isten, the sheer amount of intimacy and want. Of course it’s different, they’re in a different type of relationship, there’s going to be more of a specific kind of passion to lovers than there will be to friends, but I still felt it, it’s never said in the writing specifically, but I felt it.    The imagery in the scene Obi-Wan witnesses, as Isten’s hands are tied to the headboard as Veris fucks him, only an open tunic on him as his long legs wrap around his Master, everything else, even his glove, bared to his Master, no stubborness or forcing himself to be stronger than he is, just letting his Master hold him and have him and fuck him. Pleading for more of it, complately trusting Veris to have every part of him, parts Anakin keeps angrily hidden. And, oh, when Veris calls Isten Anakin, it’s this beautiful shock to my system, to Obi-Wan’s as well, that we’d gotten used to thinking of them otherwise, even with the reason he came here was because this was some version of Anakin, but to hear Veris say his name, to hold him so dear, how beautiful and wanted this Anakin is to him. When Isten comes at Veris’ command and then he rolls them over to have Isten continue riding him, the memories of the first time Obi-Wan had another man riding him like that, how everything about it twines together around the image of Anakin Anakin Anakin in my mind, was also gorgeous. I loved these scenes for the sex, they were ridiculously pleasing to me on a personal level, but it’s also all the things that aren’t so different after all, everything that’s being said about these characters and their motivations under the surface, what’s true about all of them, that’s what really light my mind up like I can’t even describe.    Of course, there is actually a developing mystery here–slow bits of plot being teased about why this mansion is here, what drew them to it, why the Force feels so strange here, what’s happening with Anakin at the end, what was the shadow that wonderfully creepy doing there, what do the journals mean or even say, who was watching them that wasn’t the Sith? All of it has me absolutely hooked, it’s all building and building and I actually loved this chapter enough to be satisfied for the next two weeks, but also that I am so ready for this fic to be in my hot little hands now. And, yes, every word of this rec was necessary, shut up. ♥    Chapter 5: This is an update rec and will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. This chapter does more lovely things, there’s an almost laid back, peaceful scene with our two Jedi, except for the part where something still feels a bit off in the house around them, how things just aren’t quite how they should be, and while I’m defniitely here for the interaction between the characters (all versions of them), I am loving that creeping sense of “was that tool really just there a minute ago?” and “so what do those journals really mean and what will they tell?” to go along with the “what the hell is this place??” that’s been so enjoyable. The author does so well with pretty imagery that it creates these really well-done moments–like the feeling of echoing footsteps coming closer and closer, but you can’t see who it is, there’s this feeling that it’s someone or something else, and you know something’s off, but is it the character or the house? So good for me!    But I think my favorite aspect continues to be the interplay between the Jedi and these Soft Sith versions that have so worked their way under my skin, that I’m so intrigued by–I can’t tell what their true motivations are, if they’re helping or biding their time before doing something worse, if they’re something ethereal made real by this place or if they really were drawn here just as the Jedi versions were. Having Veris and Obi-Wan interact in this chapter is fascinating, because it’s entirely different from how Obi-Wan interacts with Isten, who is still some version of Anakin and of course Obi-Wan distrusts him for what he’s become but still wants to help him, that he doesn’t treat this version of “himself” the same way. That there’s something so precise and lethal about this version of canon character, all that intelligence and predatory skill our version keeps on a very tight leash isn’t so caged up anymore, and even when he’s not doinganything, just talking to Obi-Wan, you can feel that sense of, “oh, I wouldn’t want to cross him, ever”. And, oh, there’s this line: “Isten, he noted with more than a little shame, he now knew how to get rid of. Veris was another matter entirely, and it did not help at all to think about the last time he had seen him, lying between Isten’s thighs.” which says so much about the dynamics–how well he knows Anakin, how deeply unsettled he is by the memory of the previous chapter and the spark of what it’s lit with him, but how different it is when it comes to “himself”, that it’s harder to work around him and harder to be faced with the things he doesn’t want to see there. All wrapped up in a brief thought about how one was easier to get rid of than the other.    What’s getting me here is what I’ve always believed about Sith!Obi-Wan–Soft Sith!Obi-Wan, really, because few of us want canon!Sith!Obi-Wan, this is so much, much better–is that I have trouble seeing him fall to the dark side on his own, not after everything that canon threw at him and he still never was consumed by the dark, he always worked through and came to terms with the dark things that he felt. But that’s a situation where Anakin was lost and here–here Anakin can be held onto, here Anakin can be kept, here Anakin can be with him, so loved and cherished and never let go of. If Obi-Wan was ever going to fall, the best chance of that is going to be centered around Anakin, this one that he has loved so much that it shapes his life. Everything else can be worked through, but not Anakin, not the promise of Anakin, no. And that will get me every time, just the suggestion of it in this fic, the way Veris taunts and needles Obi-Wan with the dark version of something Obi-Wan wants, in a way that’s a horror to him, but still worms its way under the skin because, oh, Anakin. And that’s a straight shot to both my id and every feeling I’ve had about these characters, that’s what this fic is winding its way towards and what makes it so good for me.    Chapter 6: This is an update rec and will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. As always, my thought whenever I finish a chapter of this story is, “Noooo, why does it have to end there, I want to keep reading!” And this is a chapter that’s about Anakin and Isten’s interaction, as well as the growing mystery of whatever creepy thing is happening in the house, and it’s all just so very lovely. There’s a sense of something shifting and roiling with Anakin here, he’s unsettled and I can really feel it in everything he does, whether it’s tossing and turning in bed at night or in his angry conversation with Isten. Whether it’s the house getting to him or being confronted with things he doesn’t want to think about (my answer: PROBABLY BOTH), it’s getting under his skin and let me tell you about how much I love Anakin Skywalker being a mess and being contrasted against the Sith version of himself and not wanting to hear what he has to say or feel how much more settled that version is in his own skin. The nightmares that haunt him (which are beautifully used here, how that’s something that still lingers in his heart and drags him down again and again, how it claws at him), the darkness that terrifies him, the way he feels like he’s not really in control, all of it is building and, oh, I’m so entirely here for that.    The insights Isten has into Anakin’s character, what he utterly understands about the person who is a mirror image of himself in a lot of ways, is fascinating, because it’s true–for all that Isten has Fallen, for all that one shouldn’t trust him, for all that he’s probably capable of terrible things, that just means that he knows how to face the truth and turn it into a weapon that cuts and undermines Anakin, he knows how to hurt with it. And the unsettling thing about the dark is that it’s not always 100% wrong, especially why he isn’t bothered by the house, but Anakin is. That he’s right about what Anakin wants when he acts out, how desperately he wants attention, how giving himself over to the one he wants will stop the noise–and, whatever else Isten may or may not be wrong about, he’s not wrong about that, when he himself is proof of it. And, oh, that contrast, that parallel between these two Anakins, that’s so good for me.    Of course, there’s still more going on. The house and the shadows that are slowly creeping forward are more pronounced now, even if the character themselves don’t see them. It’s slow and insidious and there’s something there, but you can’t put your finger on it yet and it’s beautifully creepy. And I still have no idea what drew these people together, if the Sith versions are just id made flesh or if they’re something else, I don’t know what they want or which of them is telling the truth about who Fell or if both or neither are, and there’s a growing closeness between Jedi Obi-Wan and Jedi Anakin, partly sparked off by seeing these other two together and the lust that inspires in both of them, but also because they’re in a situation that unsettles them and it’s natural to look to the other to or for help. And, oh, the ending of this chapter got me, I didn’t see it coming, but it was built up to perfectly and it made so much sense with everything Anakin felt up to then and Obi-Wan’s response to Anakin gave me a ton of feelings. Because it’s always just Anakin that he thinks this way for, that he wouldn’t care as deeply about someone else, he wouldn’t have such sympathy for someone else, he wouldn’t draw the parallel (because they’re not the same thing) for anyone else, he wouldn’t say what he does for someone else, just Anakin. And wrapped up in the darkness they’ve been forced to confront, it’s a beautifully built narrative element, all added to how it’s Anakin crying on Obi-Wan and that’s just like one of the easiest ways to my fannish heart, especially when it’s so beautfiully written. ✦ Home Again by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, dom/sub, light kink, 1.7k    When Anakin’s emotions overwhelm him, Obi-Wan is always there with a firm hand and clear eye to help him find his way back from the dark.    Holy hell, this fic was made for me, but also it’s just incredibly lovely and perfect. It’s set in a relationship between them that is dom/sub, in a way that benefits Anakin so much, you can feel even in a pwp fic that Anakin has all this noise in his head and the way Obi-Wan takes him in hand cuts through that and clears it away. I would have loved it just for that. I would have loved it just for the delicious and well-described sex, the light kink and the spanking and then the fucking, it has some really beautiful imagery here! But I think my very favorite thing (if just barely, because I have many favorite things about this fic) is the tension the author builds up–the way Obi-Wan seems like he’s ignoring Anakin, but you feel how much his attention very much is on Anakin, the way he gives Anakin an order, who doesn’t quite know what’s coming, that tension that nearly boils over in him before Obi-Wan cuts through it. The build-up had me feeling wound up, so that the release was even better, making this a really satisfying and well-written fic! ✦ Broken by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka & rex & cast, NSFW, dark themes, sith!obi-wan, 30.8k wip    The Twins are unstoppable enforcers of the Emperor’s will, the sun and moon that hang in the black void of his rule. It is said they are not the same age and that under their hoods they do not look alike, but they fight as one entity, silent and terrible as an eclipse in a spring sky.    Chapter 1: At the time of this rec, only the first chapter had been posted, so it will focus on that, rather than the fic as a whole. I don’t always go for really dark fic, but I’ve liked this author’s other work so much and there was the promise of Anakin riding Obi-Wan like a greedy, desperate thing, so, okay, I’ll give it a shot! And it’s really lovely writing and there’s something so entirely unsettling about the silence of the two of them, contrasted against how we’re familiar with them as loud and bantery characters, that they’re the old married couple who bickers constantly. Here, that’s been stripped away from them, instead it’s taken them down to little more than base instincts, yet that connection between them remains, and it’s the strength of the writing that really pulls that off, that really makes me able to see this and feel so much about it. That I still see the characters I knew from canon in these warped and twisted versions of them was heartbreaking, but also the thing that super made it worth reading. Well, that and the furiously intense aftermath of their mission where they crash against each other and the sex is rough and harsh and Anakin climbs onto Obi-Wan’s lap and rides him like a demon possessed and, okay, I’m really into that, the darker quality to their relationship, as well as the pretty writing.   There’s such a lovely image in this moment: And then after more gasps and moans and fumbling with sweet slickness they had switched, Sen in the plush seat and the milky white disc of the planet outside a strange halo around Koh’s head as Koh rode him as hard as he could, thighs apart as he straddled Sen’s lap and their breaths harsh gasps against the faint ticking of the chronometer in the silence of the apartment. It’s taking all the good things about their relationship and inverting them, in some ways a negative image of what they are in canon, and making it lovely and heartbreaking and addictive. There are always undercurrents of darkness in the Star Wars canon, especially with these two, but they’re not always teased out in the right ways, but, oh, this one worked very, very well for me. Also, that sex scene was lovely and I’m always here for Anakin’s head crowned with a halo as he sits on Obi-Wan’s lap, give me that always.    Chapters 2-3: This is an update rec, so it will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. This continues to be a very heartbreaking, unhappy fic that almost assuredly isn’t going to get much happier, so you have to go into the fic expecting that. This is a galaxy that’s terrible and awful and painful, but that’s what I’m here for with this one, even as much as it breaks my fannish heart. And I continue to love the sense of how utterly dangerous they are in this fic, how my heart can hurt for what became of Obi-Wan and Anakin, especially for what it must have taken to break them down like this, yet some part of me is still satisfied at how co-dependent they are with each other, twisted into something so dark and awful here. The use of the people who knew them, the use of the people who only know them as the Twins, the eerie, creepy way they move in synch, all of it reminds the reader of what they once were, the elements that were always there, but now in this dark funhouse mirror version of them that’s so awful and yet so intriguing.   These chapters also show how they are in battle, how they are when they’re separate for even a few moments, and that’s worse, but then! Anakin is hurt and there’s this raging river underneath the story, the terror and the furor when one of them is hurt and the other feels it, that they can bite and claw at each other, but they’re two halves of a set, that even in this twisted version of them, Anakin still gets wound up and twisted around by his feelings, and still needs someone to fight him, to push him down and roughly hold him in place and fuck him, pin him face down and push into him and wrap a hard hand around his throat, give him a pain and a pleasure that wipes everything else from his mind, because even in this dark version, he’s still Anakin Skywalker and even in this dark version Obi-Wan will give him what he needs.   This isn’t a fic for if you want something happy or something that will probably work out, but if you like something that exposes all the connections between them and then takes them down a dark path, then this one is an absolutely fascinating, engrossing read!    Chapter 4: This is an update rec and will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. This fic continues to break my heart, but also utterly engross me–it’s still not a happy fic, it’s almost assuredly never going to be a happy fic, you gotta roll with that when you start it, but it’s well-told and has this really sharp edge to everything, it doesn’t try to oversell what’s happened, but instead lets the horror of all of this breathe, lets what happened with Obi-Wan and Anakin have the room to settle and is almost understated, so much is unknown, but it still carries the weight of just how awful it is. This is one of those chapters that really hit me with how much has been lost between these two, how much of who they were is just gone, even if bits and tattered pieces remain somewhere long buried, it only hurts more because they can never really fully come back from this, it can’t be undone. Seeing the reactions from Ahsoka and Rex, the interaction Dooku has with both of them, drives home just how little is even there anymore, even when they’re set off by something or other. They’re truly feral here and the final scene of the chapter has this incredible frantic energy without trying too hard, I just felt the chaos and sheer intensity of it!   But, really, my favorite thing about this fic is how it takes the bond between Obi-Wan and Anakin and twists it to something so much more desperate and dark, the one thing they have when all other lights go out for them, the one thing they hold onto when everything else must have been pain. I loved seeing them through Dooku’s eyes, the way it was such a waste of who they’d been, that the fic does such a lovely job of showing how terrifying The Twins are while still making the audience sad for how much was lost to get them there. It’s dark, but it’s so good for me.    Chapter 5: This is an update rec and will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. This chapter reminded me all over again how heartbreaking this whole story is, to see how much of Obi-Wan and Anakin have just been forever lost, that there may be embers left, but who they were are really and truly gone. And it was difficult to read because it implies what must have been truly soul-breaking to get them to this point, to see them so destroyed in spirit and so afraid and so pliant to what Sidious orders them to do. Seeing it through Ahsoka’s eyes, the contrast against how you know this won’t be a happy ending of a story, they’re too gone, there’s not enough left, they’re just empty shells of who they used to be, only the most basic of instincts and connection to each other left. And it’s so sad, but also beautifully done, that even if maybe I have a little hope that they might get a bittersweet ending (and I’m not prepared to hold my breath on that, but either way I’ll be satisfied, I know I’m not reading a sunshine fic here), and I know I’ll have a lot of feelings along the way. Plus, the bits of clone world building with the way they look at strong enemies, really just gave me a lot of feelings, like… it’s not better this way, but there is at least something to hold onto, however small it is. I feel like that describes so much of this fic, too!    Chapters 6-7: This is an update rec and will focus on these chapters, rather than the fic as a whole. I will do my best to balance between not giving away too many spoilers and yet still writing a rec for these chapters/flailing about my feelings, because I’ve been enjoying this fic all along the way, but it’s definitely in even higher gear, now that we’re in the middle of the fic and heading towards the end. Of course shit is hitting the fan at this point and I’m eating it up like it’s delicious candy. In a way, it’s relieving to go into this fic knowing that it’s clearly not a happy ending piece, that I’m not getting my hopes up for a good ending, but instead I’m enjoying it in the sense of “well, at least there’s one universe where things went worse” and something that’s harder to put into words, something about how fascinating it is to see so much of these characters stripped away and broken and twisted and having fused together just to surivive. It’s such a dark twisting of their relationship from canon and to have echoes of who they used to be still reverberating through them sometimes is deliciously painful.    With everything ramping up in these chapters, as Ahsoka’s presence kicks off a bit of a landslide inside each of them, I’m absolutely on the edge of my seat. I’m completely engaged with how these characters have woven themselves together, how they wouldn’t survive a separation or even much of anything, yet it’s still darkly beautiful, the way their Force signatures have woven together is beautifully described and the scenes where they get something of their memories back and how it affects them is just so beautifully painful and seeing Ahsoka again is more beautiful pain and this is never going to be a happy fic, but the strength of the writing and the way the relationship is written has me completely onboard with it and makes it worth the pain. Such a good, good fic!    Chapter 8: This is an update rec and will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. One of the things I most appreciate about this fic is that it’s not grimdark for the sake of being grimdark or edgy, but that I knew from the outset that this wasn’t going to be a happy fic, that it does justice to what has happened to Obi-Wan and Anakin, that to have broken them, it must have been something so terrible that it can’t be undone again, that that’s how strong the characters were before and that’s what the weight of this story and these events mean. Where that’s ultimately headed, I’m still not even sure, but I’m eager to find out–even as I’m sad that there’s only one more chapter left, because I feel like, with the way things have been set up, it could be a bittersweet ending or it could be an entirely tragic ending. The bits of memory that have floated back, even the good parts, just hurt more for the contrast against what they are now and the associations of what happened later that they bring with them.    It’s also lovely for Ahsoka’s role in this, the emotion she brings to the reader and to the other characters, both when they do and don’t recognize her, she’s used so very well for that effect. It shows just how little of who they used to be is left, and yet there are still echoes, which is so sad, but is exactly what this scenario calls for. The fight against Ahsoka and the realization of what’s looming even beyond that, all of it has such great pacing, I could just read and read and read, if I had the rest of it available in front of them. The memories floating to the surface, the clashing of senses of self between Obi-Wan and Anakin and Sen and Koh, the fight with Ahsoka, the rapidly approaching next fight, all of it was beautifully done, there’s something so elegant about this story, something beautiful even as it’s horrible and broken. I’m going to be sad when this fic ends, but I’m also looking forward to the conclusion and having hurt feelings about it, in the exact way I should.    Chapter 9: This is an update rec and will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. So, this was the final chapter for this fic and it’s just as sad as I expected, it was exactly what was coming the entire time, and yet I thought I was prepared. But between letting go of this particularly story and the actual events of it, yeah, okay, I was definitely crying by the end. But I wouldn’t have had the story end any other way than what it did, after the previous chapters had the resurfacing memories the way they did, there was never any other way this could have gone, not really, and given that it was a satisfying ending, that it went out as it was the entire way–a story about how broken these characters wound up being, that they loved each other so much and that allowed them to survive, that there was so little beyond that bond that could reach them anymore. But Ahsoka was there and they remembered her and it was so satisfying for that. But also that, ultimately, this was a chapter about Obi-Wan and Anakin and this awful thing that had happened to them and the swirls of beauty that they’d made of it. It was about these characters resurfacing again, not just the good but all the bad that Sen and Koh had done as well, that they could find the strength to rise above it one more time.    The balance between saving Ahsoka and what they had to do for themselves, between their fury at the world around them and the clones trying to attack them and the good they struggled to find in themselves, the balance between fear and peace, all of it was just exactly what I hoped for from this final chapter. That it touched me as a fan of these characters, their relationship, and this author’s work. It was a satisfying ending in that it went exactly how it had to go, even if it was sad and brought tears to my eyes, it was beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time, that there was peace and hope even amongst all the tragedy of what had happened to the two of them. And, oh, if I hadn’t been there before it, the epilogue absolutely would have brought tears to me as well (and it did), because the galaxy keeps moving forward. And, for all that this was a horrible situation for them, the fic does such a gorgeous, gorgeous job of how they were together in this, that it saved them from something that would have been worse, in a different way, that it’s not entirely awful (the clothes gave me so much hope, that warm touch of comfort that I needed not to be an emotional wreck!). The ending was beautiful and bittersweet and hopeful and sad and absolutely everything it needed to be. Such a lovely experience of a fic! ✦ Release by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, ~1k    A quick and dirty story about quick and dirty things.    You know how sometimes you have one of those fics that’s a pwp and not even a thousand words and yet it’s absolutely everything that it needs to be and everything that you’ve been wanting to see in fic? This one hit me hard because it’s appealing to my id, but also because it really is just spot on for the characters, that the writing and imagery used is lovely, the sex is scorchingly hot and satisfying, but also, god, this Anakin is everything. It’s this gorgeous mix of hard and fast fucking, because they were fighting and of course they resolve it with Anakin bent over a table and getting a very thorough fucking, of course that calms him down and turns him playful, because Obi-Wan is unleashed with him, because he’s pleasantly a bit brain fuzzed like this, not having to think about all the usual stuff that winds him up. Even when they’re interrupted, it’s a chance for Anakin to be a cheerfully bratty little shit by grinding back onto Obi-Wan’s cock, while Obi-Wan is trying to keep a level voice.   The language of the fic is lovely and rich, there are some beautiful lines in the fic: Anakin looks over his shoulder with a pleading pout, his dark hair a rich brown against the black of the burned-out wall behind him, as Obi-Wan slows and leans forward to settle against and inside him. After their frantic, demanding rhythm, this luscious motion almost drives Anakin to come right there, the lazy friction spreading in gorgeous, maddening heat through every bit of him. does me in every time, as well as the way Anakin is playful and teasing, trying to get a reaction out of Obi-Wan, who absolutely gives him one in the form of hair pulling that just turns Anakin on even more, before finally ending the call and roughly fucking him again in repayment and I’m just. Reading this like, jesus, this is it, this is what this pairing is made of, this is the summation of their relationship and what I’m looking for in this fandom and what I will seek out again and again, because it was everything I could have asked for. ✦ Family by lilyconrad, obi-wan & anakin & qui-gon & darth maul & cast, sith!obi-wan, 6.8k    Seven years after the duel on Naboo, Obi-Wan Kenobi has turned to the dark, Maul has turned to the light, and young Anakin is caught somewhere in-between. Can Qui-Gon rescue his Padawan before it’s too late?    I don’t know how I missed this fic until today! But, oh, I really loved it, as it’s such a manipulative and angry Obi-Wan, who seems to care about Anakin in some way, but also absolutely uses him and isn’t with him for entirely altruistic reasons. The surface may be similar in a lot of ways, but it’s such a different character from canon (in exactly the way it’s supposed to be!) where he loved Anakin so much, where he would never have used him for such selfish purposes, though, in almost any universe, their connection and their sheer chemistry is still alive and crackling. I love the moments with Qui-Gon, who carries such a heavy weight, whatever he is or isn’t responsible for with Obi-Wan’s path and the loss of Anakin, he feels the weight of it on himself anyway and I felt so much for him, all the more so because he desperately did want to put things right, but wouldn’t cross certain lines. And Maul maybe not being good, but not being the creature of hate, not being the Sith that he was before! And the ending! All of this was really, really fun and captured my imagination and wrote some lovely interactions we don’t see much (Maul talking about how he found himself and Anakin similar! such a lovely and deft touch the fic had with that!) and was perfect as it was. ✦ A Walking Shadow by lilyconrad, obi-wan & anakin & padme & luke & leia & palpatine & cast, 74.6k    It is five years into the Empire’s ascension, an order built on the blood and bodies of the Jedi. None survived, they say, and the handsome, icy profile of Lord Vader plastered across every Imperial city leaves no room for doubt in the minds of many. But Vader knows there is at least one left, one that escaped him on Mustafar all those years ago.    Chapters 1-11: I have been enjoying this fic! I like the way it starts out, the confrontation between Obi-Wan and Anakin, in a different universe, where Vader isn’t in the suit, where Obi-Wan doesn’t have the same path as he does in the canon, their fight was really intense, both emotionally and physically, these two people who’ve known each other for so long, who really do know each other, even as they no longer understand each other. As I was reading, the fic just sort of slipped right on by me before I noticed, because the writing is solid and lovely and it’s easy to just sail right along, but also because I wasn’t really sure where the fic was going until chapter 11, that it was a different universe, but I didn’t really have an idea what the fic was building towards. And, as much as I enjoy reading fics as they’re in progress, I think I’m glad that I picked this one up when I had ~20k of it to read (at the time of this rec) because it allowed me to get a better sense of the flow and because it helped show me the building tension of it. And I do really like the little touches of world-building here, the different path the fic has put the characters on, Vader especially, and it’s just a really solid fic that I’m looking forward to reading more of!    Chapters 12-19: Now that I’ve caught up through the rest of the fic (that was posted at the time of this rec), oh, a story that intrigued me and had really interesting moments all along the way, became one that absolutely enthralled me. Chapter 11 or so is absolutely where this story kicks into the next gear, where the point of the story becomes clear and everything builds up to a breaking point that I absolutely loved. (And if you want to avoid spoilers, skip the rest of this rec!) Because I am always here for fic where Anakin comes back to the Light because he has to face what he’s done, how much he hurt Padme, and because his children need him to not be a horrible villain, especially in combination with Obi-Wan pretty much helping him to raise the twins. And that it’s not just a quick fix, that the next ~30k are spent on him feeling horrible about it, that everything isn’t just instantly forgiven, that it’s only through necessity that Obi-Wan will bond with him again, will trust him again, and Anakin actually has to work for his redemption, he’s not even that close to it yet, only with these three people has he been forgiven (though, not wholly repaired), that he may never be able to fully fix what he’s done wrong. I love stories like that, especially ones that make his relationship with Obi-Wan difficult, yet I still trust that one of the core tenets of their relationship is that Obi-Wan loves him no matter what, that he can never stop loving Anakin, and that may not make it easy, they still have a lot of shit to work through, Anakin has destroyed so much between them, but I trust that they will get there, because it’s one of the fundamental truths of Star Wars: Obi-Wan Kenobi loves Anakin Skywalker.   But also! Obi-Wan and Anakin raising the twins and trying to figure out how much to get involved with the Rebellion! Having to really work to put their relationship back together! That it’s gen in this story, but you could probably read Obi-Wan/Anakin potential into it, even if they really have other things to be working on right now! And, oh, I was so into the scenes where Obi-Wan’s anger started leaking out around the edges, that he’d been run so ragged for so long that the edges of him had been sharp and cutting, that when he unleashes himself against the Stormtroopers because they need to be taken care of before he can escape with Anakin and the children, there’s something so incredibly dangerous about him. The Jedi have always been lethal, but Obi-Wan Kenobi is one of the most dangerous of all, so getting him into a situation where he let himself off the chain, probably more than he should have? So goddamned good for me, yesss, remember that Obi-Wan may not like to do it, but he is deadly in a fight, he’s dangerous and powerful and knows how to use his skills, especially after the war they’ve all been through. I shamelessly enjoyed that.   Oh, I will warn that chapter 19 ends on a bit of a terrible cliffhanger, but I can see why (and I find myself unsure of whether I hope it drags out, because I want more of this fic for a long time to come or if I want everything to finally be back on the right track–I feel like I want things to be better, but does everything Anakin’s done really let him off that easy? I tend to lean towards not, I lean towards that it’ll still be a long ways for him to go, even if at least Obi-Wan and the kids are with him now) and it just makes me want the next chapter and whatever else happens here soon! And I really love the pacing of this one, that all the scenes are used well, that there’s some breathing room (especially as their little family travels around the galaxy while hiding from Palpatine) even as plot things loom over their heads, that they’re a family, even as they struggle to put themselves back together. I’d read another 100k of everything that’s happening in the fic right now. *__*    Chapter 20: This will be an update rec and will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. I probably should have waited until there were at least two chapters before doing an update rec but, eh, I was excited!!! because I love this fic and it doesn’t matter that this chapter was only 2.5k words (which actually is a solid chapter length) because I really, really enjoyed it and seeing more of it, especially with Ahsoka coming face to face with Anakin, who is still adjusting to trying to grasp everything that he’s done and trying to figure out how to accept how others think about it, trying to figure out how or even if he can atone for it. There’s a quietness to him in this chapter, but it works because he’s walked away from being Vader and all the terrible things he did, but also he still did them and he doesn’t really know what to do anymore and so he just stands there and lets events happen around him and, oh, Ahsoka’s reaction to that, the desperate anger and fear of how to even begin trying to accept this, to struggle with everything he did and now he’s trying to be Anakin again, and there’s just so, so much anger at him, but also, just. It’s Anakin. How can anyone not love him even after all that horribleness? So, I’m glad I read it as soon as the new chapter was posted, even if it means going back to not-so-patiently waiting again. :D    Chapter 21: This is an update rec, so it will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. I meant to at least let two chapters pile up before picking this up again, but then I just started a little bit of it and promptly got sucked in–because Anakin whump! Obi-Wan being pretty goddamned terrifying as a fighter! Bail showing up and having a conversation with them! Anakin trying to atone for his past actions and being full of self-loathing but still trying anyway! These are the things that I’m forever hungry for and so I just got swept up in the chapter and, suddenly, I’d read the whole thing. It’s such an ouchy story, but in a way that’s like catnip to me, because there are never enough fics where Anakin really has to face the shit situation that he’s put himself in, that even if it’s maybe not particularly fair the scenario that comes up here, you can’t really say it’s wholly unwarranted. I love when fic can give me complicated feelings, when I can absolutely and utterly love a character, but they made their bed and now have to lie in it, I love when fic has plot like this that I’m just as eager for, as I am for those moments where Obi-Wan won’t leave Anakin and where he’s still dangerous as hell if you cross him, just let me eat that up like candy. :D    Final Rec: This is one of the earliest fics of Lily’s that I read and it’s created a special place in my heart because I love the concept, that Anakin redemption fics are incredibly special to me, and I felt like I went on a bit of a journey with this one, that I’d been following it for awhile and each update meant something to me. Ultimately this fic is about the path of redemption, that it’s not an easy road to step onto, much less walk down one that never really has a specific end, and this fic does a beautiful job with that, how Anakin does such terrible things and the ways he is or isn’t able to come back from them. And while I love canon a great deal, Anakin never really was redeemed, he died to save his son, he had one moment of selflessness (in a selfish way, honestly, because that’s Anakin for you, I love him so much) rather than actually doing any of the work, but this is a story that has a real cost for him. This is a story where it’s not easy, where he struggles, but it’s worth it in the end. Because his chilren love him, because Obi-Wan loves him, because he can’t hurt any more people that he loves.   It’s a story that’s novel length because that’s what it takes to write Anakin’s redemption in full like this, and it’s about the fight on Mustafar going differently, that leaves Vader without the suit, and I love that Padme is such an important weight in this story, even as it’s largely about Obi-Wan and Anakin at the heart of it. It’s an entirely gen fic, this is about them as brothers, but my id was pleased because they’re both parents to the children, because Obi-Wan is the shining light in Anakin’s darkness, because Anakin is the reason Obi-Wan gets out of bed in the morning, because the ending of the fic was so very, very Anakin Skywalker, so desperate to keep the people he loves close and safe, so teetering on the edge of darkness because he doesn’t know how to handle things, because he’s so wrenched around on the inside, and how things end up… I definitely kind of got a little misty-eyed by the end, because it was the exact bittersweet notes that a fic like this needed.   Which isn’t to forget that there’s actually a plot going on here! And world-building! There are a lot of really cool, interesting details and a genuinely intense final fight that has shades of horror in it in such a great way, the creatures that show up in this fic, the Sith artifacts that are used, are genuinely creepy and had me on the edge of my seat while I was reading because the action was so good! But, oh, the second to last scene (and, hell, the epilogue as well), especially with the kids, just hit me right in the feelings place and I can’t tell you how satisfying this fic was. It’s such a good, good fic for all these elements, for both of these characters, for fans of plot, for fans of having to work for redemption and how that makes it all the more satisfying, for fans who just want a good story. I’m sad to see the story end, but it was a great end and so incredibly worth reading. ✦ The World Undone by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka & maul, nsfw, sith!obi-wan, 143.3k    Anakin Skywalker, proud symbol of the strength and purity of the Jedi Order, is the target of a strange and handsome Sith named Obi-Wan, whose only goal seems to be pulling Skywalker down into the dark with him.    Oh, I hardly know where to start with this fic! I admit that it took me a bit to get into, for personal reasons (I usually turn right around at fic where someone other than Obi-Wan trained Anakin if it isn’t a complete disaster, I’m not a big fan of Maul’s character/thought Dooku or Sidious would have been in his role), but those aren’t really criticisms, they’re just things that popped up on my own radar. I mention this because, if someone’s tastes are like mine, I want to encourage continuing with this one because once the story kicked into gear for me, I just got swept away in it, I kept reading and reading because I wanted to know where it was going. Once Obi-Wan and Anakin started interacting regularly, once the attraction between them was unable to be ignored (even if it took awhile for some resolution), and once the main mystery of the story got underway (which I would say was about halfway through when I read this fic), it became a really well-plotted and paced story.   The fic does so many things that I really love about it, right down to the language has shades of something like poetry but the author makes it work, it never had me doing that, “wtf does that even mean” feeling, but instead… oh, like when they finally have time to be together, when they have just enough space to breathe for it and there’s a line that really struck me: Obi-Wan only drove in harder and faster, a shooting star in free-fall along its own doomed line toward earth until it flashed and burnt itself out in its own flare of beautiful white heat inside the velvet night of Anakin’s body. What might have been too flowery in another fic, I really loved this line, I love that it was highlighted their relationship, how passionate this Obi-Wan was about Anakin, how desperate Anakin is to clutch at something, to have Obi-Wan in him, as a steadying presence and to fill him up, that that’s both a culmination of the long attraction between them and shows how their relationship works here. Because this isn’t canon, but it still has so many elements of it, the way they care about other people (especially Anakin and Ahsoka’s relationship has several meaningful scenes, it’s very much an important part of Anakin’s character), but they revolve around each other, Anakin still needs Obi-Wan like that.   The reveals take awhile to happen, but they’re worth waiting for, because they’re satisfying and so interesting, the slow pealing back of the layers and hints, until we finally get proper flashbacks and you understand how the characters came to where they were. The author knows how to pace a story, how to write something long without feeling like it was dragged out, that it takes its time, but it’s not padded to hell and back, and that kind of solidity is incredibly appreciated. It’s one of those fics that just feels… smooth and solid, one of those that’s satisfying to have such a long fic that knows where it’s going and you can feel that even from the beginning, whether or not it grows some here and there or expands in a few unexpected places, it keeps on topic and is paced just right for me. And, of course, I enjoy so much the way Obi-Wan and Anakin are slowly coming together here, that it’s a long path for them to take, but each step forward is sure-footed and will get there. ✦ The Warp and the Weft by FireflyFish, lilyconrad, obi-wan & anakin & rey & cast, 3.2k wip    Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet the Force. “We are all a part of the great Cosmic Force and whether we like it or not, when called, we must answer. Even if we’re dead, Anakin.”    One of the things that leaves me feeling disconnected from TFA fandom is the lack of connection to the origins of everything that happened–I’m a PT fan largely, so especially Anakin’s role in things is what I’m here for. By which I mean, a fic where Obi-Wan and Anakin find themselves rebodied in familiar people from TFA and it’s hilarious already. It’s definitely cracky, but it embraces that and it makes it all the more fun! It’s mostly set-up for right now, but there’s some fun payoff when each of them(/the reader) realizes just who they’ve been rebodied as. I’ll definitely pick this one up again as soon as it has a new chapter! ✦ Coda by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, modern au, 60k wip    Anakin is an up-and-coming first soloist for the New York City Ballet Company, a brash, confident dancer with a smoldering sensuality to his technique and an electric smile that makes fangirl toes curl and quite possibly his choreographer’s.    Chapters 1-3: A ballet AU is not something I thought I would be that interested in, but I’ve enjoyed the author’s other fic, so, sure, why not. And I promptly got sucked in like you wouldn’t believe! It helped that the fic started out with Anakin sitting on Obi-Wan’s lap while jerking the both of them off (well, not right off, there’s set-up first!), but I think I would have fallen for the fic even without that, because it’s everything I really enjoy about human AUs in this fandom–the characters are easy to picture in these circumstances, there’s some gorgeous clothes, there’s something so sharp and charismatic about the writing, and the attraction between these two characters is wild. It reaches that part of me that feels these two characters would find each other in every universe and would be wildly attracted to each other in all of them, but it also reaches the part of me that’s super into well done AUs, where Anakin as a dancer works surprisingly well and Obi-Wan as a choreographer is just as good. It helps that the fic feels like it knows where it’s going, that it has a solid outline, and, okay, sure, it’s only three chapters so far, but it feels like 12 chapters will be just the right length for it and I’m so eager to see where it goes, where the relationship between these two will go. Because they have a legitimate reason to stay apart from each other, to not date, but it’s not like that’s going to last terribly long, not with the attraction between them! And it’s just… also a really good combination of low-key drama and fluff, so it’s not sugary sweet, but it’s not heartbreaking either, and I really, really enjoy that combination in these chapters! And it has such lovely descriptions of Anakin’s dancing, of course he’d be a beautiful dancer, all that grace and passion! There’s such a solidity to the fic and it has such great little details (the bit with the wine in chapter 3 was lovely) and… there was a comment the author made, that this is a fic that’s an echo of their personalities, rather than the circumstances of their canon lives and I think that’s what I’ve been trying to put into words, that it’s a fluffy fic and I love that, but I feel like it’s that one world where they got a nice life together and I WANT THAT FOR THEM. ♥    Chapter 4: This is an update rec and will focus on this chapter rather than the fic as a whole. Ahhh, I continue to love this story, it’s a little bit more angsty in this chapter, but in general it’s not a heartbreaker of a story, and I’m just really enjoying the chance to have something kinder and softer for once in their multitude of lives across various incarnations and fics. I also really enjoyed the interaction between Anakin and Sabe in this chapter, so often the other characters can just feel like talking heads or only there to be mouthpieces, but I felt Sabe had a real charm to her, a sparkle that I can’t put my finger on specifics, but I certainly felt it, and it was just really nice to read something that didn’t feel like it was trying too hard, like there’s this… really warm, natural, easy charm to everything, including their adorable scene together! But also the sheer amount of attraction between Obi-Wan and Anakin, the grace in both characters, slightly different but there with both of them, which reminds me of the canon and how they’re both physically gifted there as well, but in a different way from that, yet works for me here. The way Anakin is drawn to him, the way they movetogether, oh, that all went straight to my shippy heart, just as much as Anakin getting on his knees and blowing Ben and I love that they try to stay away from each other but, oh, that never lasted long and it doesn’t have to be shocking or a major reveal to be thoroughly engaging and charming a read!    Chapter 5: This is an update rec, so it will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. Ahhhh, this chapter was really… well, I hesitate to say “fun” because it was full of some questionable stuff (deliberately so, of course) but it really actually was sort of fun, to see Anakin’s stalker pop up and to see how Obi-Wan dealt with him. Sometimes, because we mostly see Obi-Wan interacting with Anakin or Ahsoka or clones or other Jedi, whom he’s either very fond of or has respect for, it’s easy to forget how dangerous that guy is, to forget how lethal and terrifying he is. So, a chapter dedicated to Obi-Wan fucking up the stalker’s life? To just beating him down without touching him, in a way that still felt physically threatening? That was really, really satisfying. And it was really well written, too! The physical aspects of the scene were never quite stepping over the line, but I very much felt that danger the entire time, it was not at all hard to half-imagine how it might have gone, that uneasy sense of looming physical violence was portrayed incredibly well!   Yet at the same time, this is still Obi-Wan, who can be so kind, who Anakin trusts completely, who has my heart as well, because I love him so much. The parts around the major confrontation in the fic are just as wonderful–Anakin’s reactions to everything, there’s just such a magnetic sort of chemistry between him and Obi-Wan, a delightful cameo from Rex, and Anakin straight up lying about behaving himself. Between the satisfying badass Obi-Wan scenes to protect Anakin, to solve his problem for him, because Obi-Wan always solves Anakin’s problems, and all the other stuff, this was an absolutely delightful, engaging chapter to read!    Chapter 6-9: This is an update rec and will focus on these chapters, rather than the fic as a whole. It’s been awhile since I sat down to write a proper rec for this fic, but let me absolutely fix that now, because I really love this story and I have a lot of feelings about it and I can’t believe the story is at over 50k now and yet it’s still perfectly paced and wonderful. Chapter 6 is the one I’d been waiting for for ages, of course, where we finally get to the Good Stuff and, oh, it was lovely and warm-hearted and satisfying for the two of them coming together, that it’d taken ages, but it was worth the wait because there was such love here. It’s not a totally, 100% fluffy fic, there’s a lot of angst in both their pasts and their futures, of course, because chapter 6 is just barely past the halfway point, but there’s so much care and connection here, that it’s a universe where they cantell each other things, that they’ve been nudged into the right direction for it and given the chance and it’s so, so satisfying to see them actually telling each other about their personal issues. It soothes something in me to read fic like this! But, well, also sexy times! The way Ben is so gentle and slow with pushing into Anakin finally, Anakin so needy and desperate for him, and they come together in this warm, kind way, Anakin holding himself up and open for Ben, having all that love and attention poured onto and into him, like they were meant to be drawn together just like this. It’s such a lovely scene, that it’s eager and hungry with both of them, but also soft and full of love, exactly what this modern AU called for. And the writing has such lovely, pretty imagery as well, there’s something beautiful about it, in a way that evokes such clear images in my mind, like fanart come to live in my head, and I love it for that, too. (The line about a hundred worlds and lives together, the line about Anakin’s tanned fingers against the black wood of the headboard, the way Anakin’s arms and legs wrap around Ben, so many pretty images!)    But sometimes it’s little things as well! Chapter 7 starts with a warm, sleepy morning after, just complete and utter domesticity that works so well because Anakin is so in love, of course he’s in love, this is completely Anakin Skywalker and how could Ben not love him back in the same way? There’s something so cozy and intimate in these scenes, it’s so easy to see why Anakin falls so hard and fast (as well as Ben falls in love with him, because, oh, it’s Anakin, how could anyone not?), that they have this incredible thing for awhile, that life is wonderful and good and kind. I love that the chapter has so many fun scenes, with just the two of them or with their friends, out in a park where they can just be. Having those moments builds up the relationship, in addition to just being fun to read because, goddammit, they deserve happiness sometimes! You know it can’t last, not forever, but it’s so good while they have it! Talking about dream roles while lounging on each other and having a picnic in the park? With another author I might have found it too sappy, but Lily’s writing works for me, it’s soft and kind here, but it embraces the premise and appeals and is just really well-done! And chapter 8 is more warmth and connection, where we get more of Ben’s past, where it’s this really wonderful scene of trust and feeling able to tell the other person about themselves, showing a universe where they can have this and can do this, which I would love the fic for by itself.    But I can’t lie, I knew chapter 9 was coming and I kind of ate it up like delicious candy–not the least because it starts out with this lazy morning, where Anakin has been working himself over and open, so when Ben slowly wakes up, Anakin is ready to slide a leg over him and ride him slowly and deliciously, this utterly warm scene that’s almost decadant in how rich and beautiful it felt to me. Perhaps I’m just weak to the elements of the fic, god knows it’s hitting my id pretty spot on, but I really think there’s a magic here, a charisma and charm that the author has in spades and makes their writing so very good! Of course, the kindness can’t last and shit has to hit the fan and it’s, oh, it’s so Anakin in how he reacts, how viciously he lashes out, how cutting he can be in his anger and fear and despair, that all the good things previous to this are very much Anakin Skywalker, but so too is him losing his shit and shredding everything he can that’s between them because he can’t stop himself.    It might have seemed gratuitous in another fic, but between the set-up and the writing and how it felt destined to go here from pretty much the beginning, I actually kind of really loved it. I mean, my heart hurts for both the characters and there’s such angst and you know it’ll take awhile to fix, but it’s true to the fic and it’s beautifully done and it gave me feelings! It’s one of those things where… it’s cruel and such a terrible wound, but there’s something beautiful about all of it. This really is a gorgeous fic.    Chapter 10-12: I meant to make these three chapters last a bit, once I started catching up, but I just couldn’t, I read all of them in one sitting because I couldn’t put it down and it was probably the better choice because these three chapters make for an incredibly satisfying arc-within-the-greater-story and where I’m left off is a really good place. By this point, I think there will be some spoilers in the rec (which I usually try to balance with “this is why I think someone who hasn’t read this fic should read this fic!” vagueness), but you can read the above recs still if you’re trying to decide whether you want to read it or not, if that’s helpful to you. But also I think, given the pacing and overall track the fic took, that a breakup was coming at some point, so I wasn’t really surprised by it and while I absolutely had a lot of feelings about it (especially Anakin lashing out in anger because he’s such an emotional storm that gets out of control), I think I was more affected by the aftermath of it in chapter 10. The dull, heavy, ache in my chest that I remember from when I’m upset or depressed, that sense of the world having all the color leeched out of it, just the sense of being sad was really well done there, after Anakin realizes how much he’s fucked up and how much Ben blames himself for how things ended between them, that he felt it was his fault somehow. And that was a heartbreaking echo of canon, that Obi-Wan holds himself responsible for things that could not possibly be his fault, because he thinks he should do everything perfectly the first time, and because he loves Anakin so much, because he’s so protective of this person he sees vulnerability in and cares so much for him, like that spirit is very much one I recognized from canon events.    But I love that it doesn’t go too overboard with it, it’s clear that Obi-Wan is actually depressed and in a modern AU he’s on anti-depressants for it, yet chapters 11 and 12 are about doing the hard work of actually working through things. (And this is one of the rare fics where Obi-Wan being depressed is done well for me!) That Anakin is so incredibly sorry about what he’s done, that Ben is hurt by Anakin’s words, but sets them aside because he’s such an incredibly caring person, but also he won’t just forget them, either. They both have to workto communicate, but it won’t just instantly be solved, because Obi-Wan Kenobi simply is a reserved person, as some people are, and while he’ll work to better communicate with Anakin, he’ll never be naturally effusive and that’s something that needs to be accepted, just as Anakin is naturally demonstrative and he has to learn to trust better and not fly out of control so much, but that his emotional storms being so close to the surface is just as valid a way to be as Obi-Wan’s reserved nature. That they find ways to connect and understand each other even knowing those things about each other!    Which is why the little details of this story are so wonderful, because they’re all about that showing-rather-than-telling, especially when it comes to Ben’s character. The use of his drawings, what they mean and what they say about him, that’s beautifully done, it has weight because that’s the sort of understated but entirely genuinely meant gesture Obi-Wan would do. Or the ways they touch each other, the touch to Anakin’s face or Anakin curling up on his leg to rest after a hard day’s exercise, these things aren’t just pretty images (though, they are that, too) but they have such charisma to them because they mean something, they’re all about the state of the relationship the characters are in and where they’re at with each other and how they’re this lovely quiet intimacy! This is why the fic is so good about showing the passion between them, why it’s a lovely extention of Ben’s passion that’s always been there when they do finally come back to each other, when they can touch and love each other again, and he practically shoves Anakin onto the bed to fuck him, nearly overwhelming Anakin, who is filled up with everything in that moment, just as he wants to be. I think I loved that image as much as I loved the kiss in the rain, that they agreed to try again (and, oh, my heart had been so invested in that moment, too) and they shared a beautifully passionate intimate moment where the rest of the world wasn’t even there anymore. The fic really does a beautiful job with that, with how everything else just fades into the background when these two are together, whether they’re lounging in bed together or on the sofa or fucking or kissing in the rain, it’s just beautifully crafted intimacy.    It’s a fic that’s very much about softer edges (even with the breakup, I would still classify this as being more of a fluff fic than anything), this is a universe where they have so much more breathing room, so that when the internal issues between them (versus the external issues in canon, like the war and Palpatine) come up, they have the space and time and kindness of this softer universe to work through them. That we get to see them struggle through an awkward conversation about what they each need from the other, which they can do because they’re not being pressured from every angle, but instead can see the road through this problem and so they start to walk it. It’s a fic about a kinder universe for the characters, a fic about their relationship, and that’s probably not going to be for everyone, it’s definitely a shipper fic, but it’s such a good one, it engaged me from the very beginning and I haven’t let up with that joy in every page I read for a moment. And, oh, it has such pretty, pretty imagery! Kisses in the rain! Warm, loving, intimate sex during their first time! Finally coming back together after months apart and Ben holding Anakin down against the mattress to fuck him, that Anakin is his again, finally, as he should be, that Anakin soaks all of this up and all the other noise is pushed out of his head. It’s a fic about loveand how its course does not always run smooth, but it can still find a way.    Chapter 13: This is an update rec and will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. When doing update recs, I do generally try to keep the spoilers to a minimum, in case someone’s just joining me at this point or has picked a fic up for the first time, but as a fic gets towards the end (and I want to talk about specific things–even as I keep the truly spoilery stuff to a minimum!) that gets harder. So, if you’re interested, I would say check out the recs on this post instead! Because, oh, I had feelings about this chapter and how well it’s continuing the pacing of everything that’s come before–yes, there are things that come up that are angsty, but they’re ones that have been in the DNA of the story from the very beginning, so instead of feeling like they were thrown in for the sake of drama or to drag things out, rather I feel like, yes, this is the stuff I am here for! Give me all the break-ups and getting back together and the impossible situations they find themselves in because their lives have been so different and only temporarily connected to each other from the very set-up of the story! That eventually their time would be up and they’d have to move on, but it would pull them in different directions and, hell yeah, I ate it up like delicious candy. Partly because the fic has given me every impression that it’s going to be a happy ending, but also because it’s just the really fun, satisfying kind of angst! And that it doesn’t shortchange the softer, happier moments they have together, the teasing and playful moments they have together, the quiet intimacy and domesticity that they’ve earned, that they had to work very hard to create this space for themselves and so they work to keep it, rather than just that these characters would slide naturally into easy fluff. (Not that I’d have minded that, either.)    But the other thing I loved is, oh, Anakin, who so desperately loves Ben that, even when he’s in a better place, it kind of overrides everything else for him, he gets kind of obsessive even now (as of course he would), that there’s this clawing feeling to the character, the desperation that something will slip away from him, and he’s so, so determined to not let it happen, it starts to eat at him again. Not like before, he’s making such emotional progress and that further contributes to the feeling of something right here, but it’ll probably always be there in some degree, that the fic gets just the right balance of. And that, of course, Anakin gets such emotional comfort from the physical touch, so it’s only one or two lines, of Ben having bent him over the counter to fuck at least some of the noise out of his head, yet it was enough to put stars in my eyes because it was a lovely image and because it’s so true to Anakin’s character, what he wants and needs. The whole chapter is just the right amount of sweet and something bitter that aches and it’s such a perfectly poised penultimate chapter that, whatever happens in the end, I know this will have been such a beautiful, lovely ride.