#501 new jokes

[frsturt]

1001+ New British And Irish Themed Jokes

New Adult Jokes Daily – Guaranteed To Make You Laugh Or Your Tonsils Back! Welcome! Céad Míle Fáilte 欢 google-site-verification: google4de88e90fa1080a9.html Original jokes – created and crafted by Francis R Sturt JOKES OF THE DAY: 21/01/2024What did the police officer say to three monks having sex? Halo! Halo! Halo! What is Scouting For Girls? Boy Scouts without the sex. Two agents are in the…

[zorrasucia]

Teach Me Tonight - Part 1

Part 1: [Part 2] [Part 3] [Deleted Scene] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Deleted Scene] [Part 8]

Reader x Carmy Berzatto (The Bear FX)

Rating: Explicit

Tags: Smut, Set sometime after the opening of The Bear, Porn with a little plot, Virgin!Carmy, Masturbation, Mutual masturbation, P in V sex, Both Carmy and Reader have a bit of a praise kink

Summary: He scratched his forehead and squeezed his eyes shut, embarrassment taking over desire. "Would you teach me? How to- I wanna make you feel good."

It had all started five months ago.

You had finally found a good spot for your vintage clothing store. It used to be a bar, right next to a sandwich place called The Beef. Things lined up so that the new restaurant, The Bear, opened a week before your store did. You were thankful - fine dining brought just the kind of business you wanted.

After weeks of eyeing the delicious looking desserts through the window, you decided to close early and get one of each and a coffee.

"You have a sweet tooth, huh?" the server joked amicably. "Have I seen you around?"

"I own the store next door," you replied.

"Of course!" he smiled. Then added: "Do you sell anything denim?"

You eyed his all black suit, guessing his size.

"Yeah, I just got a few pieces you might like."

"Oh, it's not for me," he laughed. "I've been telling my cousin to visit for weeks but he hasn't listened. I'll send him your way tomorrow."

You hadn't thought much of it. But the next day the cousin showed up. He was short, pretty, with blue eyes and built like a brick house.

"Carmen," he offered you his hand to shake; his arms were covered in tattoos.

"Your cousin said you are looking for vintage denim?"

"Yeah."

You showed him the new arrivals and a few of the most popular pieces - everybody wanted Levi's 501s. But he surprised you asking about specific models and the lining on jackets. You didn't know it at the time but Carmy found a way into your heart and mind from the moment you met him.

He was smart without being cocky, with an offbeat sense of humor and the nicest profile you had ever seen. He started bringing you (exquisite) leftovers for your lunch, stopping sometimes for a little talk. You called him to show whatever new pieces arrived to the store. It became a thing.

You were friends until you weren't. Until he got comfortable enough to touch your hand and hug you. Until you got the nerve to ask him out and kiss him.

It had been three months of seeing each other as much as your schedules allowed, kissing at closing time and talking way too much about jeans.

Today was a rare instance of Carmy taking the day off from the restaurant, and even rarer that it had lined up with yours. The afternoon was spent in your living room, eating take out from his favorite place, your legs on his lap, talking about the frantic week he'd had and your plans of going to a estate sale next weekend. You ended up tangled on your bed making out, the song of the city playing outside your window, his tongue eager in your mouth and your hands carding through his hair. You felt electric, like anything Carmy did could light the spark within you. You writhed in his embrace and found that Carmy was hard against your hip, grinding slightly.

"Are we doing this?" you asked against his mouth. You were leaning back and pulling him towards you.

"Now?" he sounded surprised.

"I mean, yeah," you chuckled. It felt right. And you had thought about it for weeks. But he seemed genuinely taken aback so you added: "If you want."

There was a long silence. Was it too soon? You looked away, feeling mortified - this was all a mistake. You tried to disentangle yourself from Carmy's embrace to give him space but he held on tighter.

"No, I do, I want to," he said softly. "It's just-"

His thumb soothed the skin on your cheek and you realized he wasn't surprised, not really. His eyes were half lidded - it was a weird look on him, a combination of embarrassment and desire.

"Do you like kinky stuff? Is that it? Because we can talk about it-" you stopped in your tracks when you saw his face contort into a grimace. "Sorry."

"It's fine," he reassured. "Actually it's the opposite problem," he mumbled. "I'm- I'm new to this. I have done none of it. Ever," he confessed. You caressed the hair on his temples.

"Oh. That's okay," you said and he avoided your gaze. You tilted your head to look him in the eye. "It is. I promise."

"Would you-" he scratched his forehead and squeezed his eyes shut, embarrassment taking over desire. "Would you teach me? How to- I wanna make you feel good."

You smiled. "I mean, sure, but hopefully we'll both feel good."

He laughed, some of the tension leaving his shoulders. You settled on the bed, lying face to face, just kissing, taking your time, warming the space between you once again. Carmy followed the pace you had set, his lips were gentle against yours. There was a nervousness to him though, he was too still. You took one of his hands and placed it on your chest, cupping your breast over your shirt. He gasped into your mouth and paused the kiss.

"Just touch me," you nuzzled your nose against his. "Anywhere you like."

His hands hovered above you, settling on your waist, lifting your shirt a little. His fingers were cold and you shivered.

"Sorry- I-" he stopped.

"Hey, you're just a little cold," you kissed his cheek and ran your hands over his chest and around his shoulders reassuringly. "I'll let you know if anything feels wrong."

"Promise?"

You nodded and placed his hand back on your waist. His fingers tickled up your sides and you hummed contentedly even though your clothes were getting in the way.

"Want to take it off?" you asked.

You lifted your arms so that he could push the blouse off of you. He cleared his throat at the sight of you, his eyes wider than you had ever seen them, and you could feel yourself melting into his beautiful hands as he touched and touched.

"Can I?" you had started tugging at the hem of his pristine, white shirt.

"Yeah," he replied breathlessly. You helped him out of it, and started tracing the lines of muscle on his arms.

"You're so beautiful," you said and he flushed down to his neck, the way he looked after a long day in the kitchen.

"Well, right back at you," he replied earnestly. "Wh- What should I do next?"

"Kiss my neck?" you proposed. He nodded eagerly and buried his face in the crook of your neck. "Keep going," you pleaded.

His hair tickled you as he went down your collarbone and the top of your breasts. You trembled with pleasure. This was new to him but also new to you. You had gotten used to men that never asked what you liked - this was different. Nice.

"I'll show you something," you guided Carmy's hands to your back, over the clasp of your bra. "There's a hook back there, feel it?"

"I think so," he furrowed his brows in concentration.

"You bring the sides together and it opens," it took him a couple of tries but he managed. "Good," you praised and Carmy smiled wide, carefully taking it off.

He continued kissing down, noticing how your breath hitched when he got close to your nipples.

"Feels good?" he asked, his breath on your skin hardened your nipples and made you arch your back.

"Yeah," you carded a hand through his hair, keeping him close and moaning when he kissed each side.

His lips and hands roamed all over your chest, so diligently, so thoroughly, that you thought you might come from that alone. Your thighs kept rubbing close together to find some relief. Carmy saw you and placed a hand on your hip.

"Show me," he said.

You took one of his tattooed hands and placed it between your legs, arching into it. His fingers pressed around aimlessly. It wasn't terrible but it wasn't good either.

"I have an idea," you said after a little while. Carmy looked up at you. "Come, let's sit."

He settled with his back to the headboard while you undressed all the way. Then, you sat between his legs, your back to his chest.

"This is nice," Carmy said softly, one of his strong arms surrounding you. You put his hand back between your open legs, his fingers over yours.

"I'm going to touch myself the way I like it," you explained, your index already tracing the outlines of your folds. "And then you try."

Carmy cleared his throat behind you. "Okay."

You closed your eyes, focused on the feeling of Carmy around you - his sculpted chest to your back, his long fingers echoing every move you made, and his breath caressing the side of your face. Carmy's hands were bigger than yours, more calloused - the feeling of them, almost in unison with yours, was making you dizzy.

"Here," both of your middle fingers touched your clit. You moaned. "Here is good."

"I can hear that," he teased.

When your hand moved around, his stayed there, drawing tiny circles on it.

"Oh," you gasped in surprise and pleasure. Your free hand started squeezing at your breast only to be replaced with his other hand. "Fuck," you cursed under your breath as he kept going. "That's good. That's so good. Don't stop."

"Wouldn't dare," he managed to say.

He sounded just as worked up as you were, his breathing laboured. You could feel his nose buried deep in your hair and his erection poking at your back. He started grinding against you, and you leaned into it a little. He groaned.

"Please," he begged.

You reached behind, palming him over his trousers. It was hard to keep a steady pace from that angle and he was already making you lose control but you tried.

"Shit, shit," he fucked into your hand, messy and desperate, every sound from his mouth pushing you over the edge.

"Carmy," you called his name over and over as your orgasm washed over you. It was hot, blinding, and it made it hard to breathe. You realized Carmy had come too once you regained your bearings and found the bit of his trousers you were holding was damp and warm.

He rested his forehead on the side of your face.

"I could die right now," he mumbled, blissed out.

You hummed in agreement. You stayed in content silence for a while, Carmy's arm keeping you close and his thumb caressing your shoulder.

"We can go over the rest next time," you offered.

"I, uh," he shifted where he sat, "I kinda hoped I'd see you when..."

You twisted a little to look at him. He was back to that embarrassed-horny state, cheeks flushed.

"See me...?" you prompted.

"When you came."

"Oh!" you touched his thighs gently. "I mean, if you can go again-"

"Yeah," he chuckled breathlessly. "Yeah. Just give me a minute."

"Alright."

You got up from the bed to rummage through your bedside table for condoms. You placed them by your pillow. When you turned, you found Carmy with his eyes closed, his brow furrowed, one hand caressing his neck and one on his crotch, moaning softly. It was the hottest thing you had ever seen. You got back on the bed in front of him, and reached for the closure of his trousers. He stopped abruptly.

"Shhh," you soothed. "Keep going. I'm only taking these off."

"Thanks," he replied.

You took his trousers and boxer briefs off, trying your best to not stop his rhythm. He took his cock in his hand and started caressing the head.

"You look so fucking hot, Carmy." He let out a chuckle and picked up a little speed. "Can I help?" you asked after a while.

"You don't have to-"

"I want to," you said. You moved to kneel beside him and started kissing his neck, mirroring his hand on the other side. Then, you pulled on the hair on his nape. You could feel the vibrations on his throat when he moaned.

"So nice," he said softly.

"What else? Tell me what you'd like me to do."

"Just touch me, please," he echoed your reply from before.

You did. Over his chest, flicking at his nipples, down his stomach following the trail of hair and back up, your nails leaving red lines in their wake. Carmy was already hard again but you still wanted to give him pleasure, so you put your hand next to his on his cock and he groaned.

"Slow, please," he begged.

You moved on the bed until you were between his muscular thighs.

"Let me know if you want me to stop," you said right before you kissed the tip of his cock and made him growl.

You left small pecks wherever his hand couldn't reach - the inside of his thighs, the curls under his navel, and his head again. Then, you licked along his shaft.

"Stop," he pleaded, the veins on his throat were bulging, his hand had stilled completely. "I still want to fuck you."

"Okay," you cupped his face tenderly. There was something vulnerable about him that you had only seen a couple of times. "Had you imagined anything?"

"Uh, not really," he hesitated. "Just you. I want to see you."

"We could do it like this," you proposed, nudging his legs close so that you could straddle him. He was still leaning against the headboard. "Either you or I can take over, so-" you let it float, the reassurance that you were there for him but he could do as much as he was comfortable with.

"Yeah. Sounds- sounds great," he ran his hands over your bare back.

You reached out for the condom beside him.

"May I?" you touched his thigh reassuringly. He nodded. "So, opening these with your teeth looks sexy but it's dumb as fuck because you can break it," you explained, maneuvering the wrapper carefully. Then, you rolled it over his length, his head tilting back with a moan. "There's flavored shit, and textured ones. We can try some later, if you want."

"Later," he smiled, the idea of more nights together but also the need he had for you right now - his pupils were blown.

So you got closer, hovering just above his cock.

"You can use lube too," you whispered. "But I'm soaking for you," Carmy groaned, "so we won't need that right now."

You lined him up to your entrance and lowered yourself slowly, your hands holding his shoulders for support. He felt so right inside of you, filling you up, hurting just enough. His jaw went slack as you took him completely.

"Holy fucking shit," he cursed, head tilted back, exposing his neck so you could lick up and kiss his Adam's apple. He tasted like sweat and sex. "You're killing me."

You grinned devilishly. "I'll start slow."

You started riding him, the pace was almost gentle. He buried his face between your breasts and held you close. You felt safe, cared for, adored. Was this what lovemaking felt like?

Carmy started to leave sloppy kisses on your skin, using his teeth in some of them. You started picking up speed, holding tight to the back of his neck.

"You feel perfect," Carmy said against your skin. "Fucking perfect."

You moaned in response, it sounded whiny and desperate. He seemed to love it, trying to make you repeat that sound by kissing your nipples and touching your clit.

"Jesus, Carmy."

You didn't know how long you'd be able to keep the frantic rhythm you had set, your legs were already shaking. Feeling you falter, he started fucking into you, hard thrusts that hit you just right and made you scream. He stopped.

"Are you okay?" he asked, mortified.

"I'm fine, Carmy, I swear. Please, please, keep fucking me," you begged. And he did. And you were becoming more of a mess as he did.

"You're doing so good, Carm. So fucking good. You feel-" you let sweet nothings burst out of your lips. It made him go faster and harder. You wouldn't last long.

"I'm- Carmy, I'm going to come," you mumbled.

"Look at me, please," he ran his hands over your spine, soothing even as he fucked you. His blue eyes searched for yours. "Look at me."

You held his gaze as long as you could, your nails digging into his shoulders and every thrust making it harder to think. All of a sudden, you went slack and fell on him, trembling with pleasure, and seeing stars. A few more thrusts and he came too, biting on your shoulder to drown a scream. You stayed there, breathing hard for a little while.

"Is it always like that?" he asked. His voice was hoarse and his hair was wet with sweat.

"No," you replied. "No, it isn't."

"Good to know," he quipped and you laughed. You untangled yourself from Carmy, leaning back to see him, his droopy eyes and blissful face.

"Fuck," he said. "You are so beautiful."

You traced the curve of his nose with your finger. "Right back at you."

[Part 2]

[thecranberriesslut]

Californication

Summary: You and your best friends dad commit sin on family vacay.

Pairing: no-outbreak! Joel Miller x Fem!Reader ’Cara’

Wc: about 3k

Warnings: The age gap is girthyyyy (Joel is 40-something, reader is 18), dirty themes, smut, read at your own risk, inappropriate jokes.

Notes: It’s my first fanfic posted on this account so please be nice, also english is not my first language so sorry for any typos, also you decided to read this so don’t complain about the age cap, it’s legal guys…

Californication Pt. 2

Californication, Pt. 3

The sky is bleeding shades of gold and orange over the navy blue early morning shade, only a couple of stars still visible from the night before. You shift in your bed uncomfortably, not having been able to sleep almost the entire night, mostly due to pure excitement. Luckily, your alarm sounds, and you get up to turn it off. 7:01, you manage to make out as your eyes adjust to the morning hue. You gather your honey-blonde hair and tie it up, so it's out of your face. As you retrieve your phone from charging on your bedside table, you see 4 new messages from Sarah, your best friend since grade school, right when you moved to the suburbs from New York.

You love Sarah, you have from the very first moment you met her. When you had just moved to a new house, and you felt all blue until you saw a beautiful blonde girl about your age in the yard next to yours-- wearing denim overalls with flowers on them, reading a book and eating a strawberry popsicle. She saw you looking through the window, and yelled to ask you whether you wanted a popsicle too. Sarah was an angel-- unfortunately, you were the fucking devil, especially when it came to Sarah's father.

Joel Miller-- You had begun to notice his appeal in the seventh grade, right around the time you started feeling things while watching that one scene in titanic. When you happened to scrape your knee outside Sarah's house and Joel had to patch you up. He lifted you onto their bathroom counter and placed a hello kitty band-aid on your knee, while looking up at you with his dark brown, captivating eyes and giving your knee a kiss. He told you that you were such a good girl for being so brave. You, being a horny 13-year-old, thought about that for months. He was your sexual awakening.

And now you're 18, still not able to look at him without your face growing hot, and your knees nearly giving out, going on spring vacation to Palm springs with your parents, Sarah, and Joel.

“Cara, are you up? We're leaving in two hours, with or without you!”

You hear your mom's perky voice yell from downstairs, she can be quite dramatic. But you wouldn't change her for anything.

“Yeah, mom!”

You quickly gather yourself and make a mental note to not think absolutely anything dirty about Joel 'sex god' Miller while on vacation. You answer Sarah's anxiously worded texts about what to pack for the vacation, and whether she can wear a bikini or will your mom think it's too whorish. The thing you love about Sarah is how much she thinks about stuff, she knows your mom loves her, and still, she's worried. You tell Sarah not to worry, and that you'd already packed, because you can think ahead too. You move onto picking an outfit for the trip.

It has to be something cute, but not too cute so my parents don't get suspicious-- but Joel has to like it.

You think to yourself, and then go on to curse yourself for thinking about Joel, and what he might like. You need to get yourself together. He's like 40, not to mention your best friend's father. You settle on some classic Levi's 501 shorts and a white Brandy Melville long sleeve, because the morning dew can cause a chilliness in the air. You decide on no makeup, and to wear your hair down, unstyled. You hurriedly grab the last of your things, phone charger, bikini-- a book.

Furthermore, you grab a Red Bull from the fridge quickly before you make it down to the driveway. Sarah's already sitting in the backseat of your moms gray sedan, and Joel's loading up their stuff. You feel weak as you see Joel, he's wearing a black t shirt that shows off his sweat glazed biceps and that damn cross necklace hanging around his neck. God-- there's something in you melting right now, and it is not from the heat outside.

“Hey darlin', need any help with that?”

Joel asks, in his low voice, smooth like whiskey, topped with the most charming southern drawl imaginable.

“Uhm, yeah! Thanks, Mr. Miller.”

You smile at him as you hand over your suitcase, trying to paint your face with an attractive smile, it is probably coming off as shy and adolescent if anything. Joel smiles back, the kind of smile that could stop traffic, and he pats you on your lower back, his hand lingering there for a second too long to be considered innocent. Even after he lets go, the heat of his big hand lingers there.

“It's no problem, a pretty lil' girl like you shouldn't be doin' heavy lifting, go on sit down, Sarah's in the car already.”

You go in the car, ready to blame the heat for your fiery crimson cheeks if it comes up. You hug Sarah excitedly and your parents carry the rest of the stuff to the car. You almost choke on your Red Bull as you see Joel opening the back door and motioning you to sit in the middle so he can fit in the back. Reluctantly, you move to the middle seat, as close to Sarah as possible, so you don't accidentally brush up against her smoke show of a father and go even more red than you knew to be humanly possible.

---------

After a long 5-hour drive of sitting next to Joel as still as you could, avoiding sliding closer to him during bumps in the road, and trying not to look at the slight bulge in his shorts. You were exhausted. You were so aroused and embarrassed, you feared that in the span of 5 hours Joel had noticed your horniness, had thought it was super gross, and had somehow telepathically told your parents about it. You were pulled out of your thoughts as the car came to a stop in front of a gorgeous white beach villa and Joel patted your thigh.

“Finally here, bet you're dyin' to stretch those legs, huh?”

He fucking knew. And now you needed to find the nearest hole in the ground and bury yourself in it. You just let out an awkward laugh as he got out of the car, and tried to console yourself.

He doesn't know anything, you are being paranoid.

You and Sarah managed to get out of the car, and you almost dropped your phone when you saw it.

“There's a huge fucking pool!”

You yelled in utter shock and excitement.

“Watch your mouth, young lady!”

Your dad yelled from behind the car. You and Sarah just laughed as you ran inside the villa, the tile floor freezing in contrast to the scorching hot air, you ran to the biggest bedroom and claimed it for you and Sarah. There was a huge king-sized bed laying in the middle of the room with expensive looking white sheets, and pillow mints set on the pillows.

“I could get used to this.”

You exclaimed, joking with a certain sense of indifference, as you unwrapped the pillow-mint. Sarah only laughed and said something about her dad, before he appeared in the doorway with our bags.

“Speak of the devil.”

Sarah said.

“You were talkin' 'bout me?”

Joel asked, a smug smile on his face, as he set our bags down with ease. The veins in his forearms prominent as his muscles bulged. He was strong, like-- incredibly strong, those bags weighed a lot, and he lifted them with not as much as a grunt. His rich dark brown hair fell over his eyes and he pulled it back with his hands, revealing some gray salt and pepper hairs underneath.

“Yeah, Cara was saying how embarrassing you were in the car.”

Sarah said nonchalantly, rolling her eyes and smiling at you. You were horrified. First of all, you were already terrified of Joel and now the fact that he probably thought you disliked him.

“I didn't say that! I-”

You defended yourself frantically, until Joel interrupted you.

“Sure you didn't, you lil' troublemaker. Your dad 'oughta teach you a lesson about respectin' adults.”

He joked. You couldn't say anything back, just stare at him as he turned to leave the room.

“Gosh, my dad's embarrassing.”

Sarah complained.

“No he's fine.”

You said quietly. Joel's jokes sounded like normal jokes to everyone else, but if you were a horny 18-year-old avid dirty book reader, his jokes always had a dirty undertone to them. Like that one time he suggested he bend you over and spank you for stealing some of his beers with Sarah. His words always had an effect on you, and sometimes you felt like he was doing it on purpose. Although every time he joked, you tried to hide behind your shy, enigmatic personality and not reveal that you had just gotten hornier than ever.

You had all settled in by the time the sun was starting to set, your parents had gone out for a walk and Sarah wanted to go scout the surrounding area for shops and things to do. So you were alone at the villa-- with Joel. You hadn't dared to leave your room yet, but your stomach was begging you to go get food already, and you had no other choice. So you gathered your courage and went into the kitchen, Joel was nowhere to be seen. You opened up the fridge to see a tuna sandwich, and came to the conclusion that it was probably for the road trip, and you could eat it now. So you took a bite, and felt someone's eyes on you, you turned around to see Joel wearing only his swimming trunks, hair soaking wet, and his abs glistening, as he dried them with a white towel.

“So... now the naughty girl is stealin' sandwiches too, huh?”

He accused you playfully, while dragging the towel across his body lazily, as if trying to torture you.

“What? I- I didn't know this was yours-”

You were quick to defend yourself.

“Relax, Cara.”

He said, a sly smile painting his beautiful face. The way your name rolled off his tongue felt like a direct attack to the tough exterior you were trying to keep up around him, and it went straight to your core.

“I'm jus' jokin' with you, you're always so tense around me, why is that?”

He asked, his voice remaining velvety smooth.

“Uhm... no, I'm not.”

You tried to sound convincing, you didn't. The way you fidgeted with your shirt hem and always slightly lowered your head when you spoke to him, suggested that you were genuinely afraid of him. But you weren't, just head over heels in lust. Wrongful lust.

“You jus' seem nervous is all... is everything all right?”

He asked as he walked slowly closer, like a predatory cat, he was a tall man, well over 6 foot. As he got closer, he started to tower over you in an intimidating but undeniably attractive manner. His build was strong, he looked like a man who could throw you across the room and not break a sweat.

“I'm not nervous.”

You lied. He looked at you knowingly, like a teacher who had just caught you cheating and was about to embarrass you in front of the entire classroom. He brought his big rugged hand to your forehead and made a caressing motion, you were confused until he held his hand to the light and confronted you.

“You're sweatin', and it ain't even that hot in here, you're also red as a beet.”

He smiled, having caught you in a lie. You were about to say something, but he stopped you.

“You know, lyin's not nice-- only bad girls lie.”

“What are you, my father?”

You clapped back, soon to realize that was a mistake. Because he placed his hand on your chin gently, but in a way that was meant to intimidate you, and forced you to look straight in his dark, scary eyes.

“No, and you're damn lucky I ain't, cause I'd sure as hell punish you for lyin' to me, make you respect your daddy.”

Your eyes widened in shock, and you could feel the familiar redness rising to your cheeks. He dropped your chin and laughed a hearty laugh.

"Listen, kiddo, I'm jus' messin' with ya.”

“Oh!”

You let out a breath you hadn't realized you'd been holding and tried to shake off your dirty thoughts.

He didn't say anything sexual, you are just a weird ass dirty minded virgin.

“And I'd work on hidin' your emotions better. Gettin' all worked up by your best friend's father callin' himself daddy-- you are one sick puppy.”

His crude words should have disgusted you, you should've felt gross or violated or something, but you didn't. All your feelings were overpowered by one. Complete intoxicating arousal, purely from his words. You didn't have a lot of time to gather yourself when you heard the door and saw Sarah walking inside with something in her hands.

“What do you have?”

You asked, curious. Sarah held the items up, and you could make out two bagels and two diet cokes. You smiled like you had just seen a million dollars.

“I love you so much!”

You screamed as you ran for the bagels.

“I thought you'd probably be starving, I found this cute ass little café down the road.”

You took the bagels and headed to your room. Feeling extremely guilty about what had happened with her dad just moments prior, how could he just say something so-- vigorous out of nowhere, and now you had to pretend it didn't happen. You placed the bagels on the bed and changed your denim shorts into your comfortable pink Hollister mini shorts, you took out your MacBook and scrolled endlessly, trying to find something for you both to watch.

“Can we watch The Kardashians?”

You asked Sarah, she just nodded a quick yeah and bit into her bagel. You watched the show until it was very late, the sun had set completely, and the only sound throughout the house was the quiet hum of an air conditioner. Sarah was half asleep, you had almost forgotten about the whole thing with his dad already.

It's fine, you were just reading too much into it, he didn't mean anything by it.

You were way too in your thoughts to go to sleep, so you decided that a little midnight swim could do you good. You changed into a tan Burberry bikini and retrieved a white towel from your closet, and made your way to the massive pool. The air felt warm, the night had brought a cold breeze, but the heat of the day still lingered in the air, almost like a memory. The water was warm, it was sitting there day after day in the heat, so it had gathered some of it. You could easily just go all the way in, it felt heavenly-- After having swam a couple of laps you lifted your head out of the pool. You almost drowned when you saw Joel, crouched by the side of the pool, staring at you and smiling.

“Fuck! You scared me!”

You screamed at him. Coughing out some water you had accidentally swallowed when you saw him.

“Sorry... was jus' enjoyin' the view.”

He said, smugly. You decided that if he wanted to play games, you would play along. You splashed him with water so his sweatpants and white tee got soaking wet, and smiled at him-- challenging him.

“Whoa! Kitty's got claws... But you ain't a brave girl.”

“Why's that?”

You asked, swimming closer to him and holding onto the border of the pool, inches from him. The light of the moon reflected on you from the water. The air smelled like smoke, brittlebush, and chlorine.

I probably look fucking ethereal right now.

You thought to yourself, feeling confident, trying your best to give Joel 'fuck me' eyes, something you'd learned while reading one of your grotesque books.

“You know I can't come in that pool, you're hidin' out 'cause you know you shouldn't challenge me.”

If there was ever a time to be courageous, this was it. You lifted yourself out of the pool slowly, Joel observed you with a slight sparkle in his eye. You got out of the pool and slowly walked over to your towel to dry yourself off. Joel laughed a low, hearty laugh.

“I guess I was wrong.”

He said, holding his hands up in defeat.

“So, what are you doing up this late?”

You asked him, party curious, partly trying to relieve the tension.

“Oh, well darlin' if I told you I'd be considered a dirty, bad man. Let's jus' say I couldn't sleep.”

To be continued.

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Noah Hurowitz at The Intercept:

Donald Trump has made no secret of his desire for revenge.

On the campaign trail, he joked about being a dictator on “day one” in office, pledged to jail journalists, and threatened to retaliate against political foes who he felt had wronged him. Now, just days after he secured a second term in the White House, Congress is already moving to hand a resurgent Trump administration a powerful cudgel that it could wield against ideological opponents in civil society. Up for a potential fast-track vote next week in the House of Representatives, the Stop Terror-Financing and Tax Penalties on American Hostages Act, also known as H.R. 9495, would grant the secretary of the Treasury Department unilateral authority to revoke the tax-exempt status of any nonprofit deemed to be a “terrorist supporting organization.” The resolution has already prompted strong opposition from a wide range of civil society groups, with more than 100 organizations signing an open letter issued by the American Civil Liberties Union in September.

[...]

No Evidence Needed

Under the bill, the Treasury secretary would issue notice to a group of intent to designate it as a “terrorist supporting organization.” Once notified, an organization would have the right to appeal within 90 days, after which it would be stripped of its 501(c)(3) status, named for the statute that confers tax exemptions on recognized nonprofit groups. The law would not require officials to explain the reason for designating a group, nor does it require the Treasury Department to provide evidence. “It basically empowers the Treasury secretary to target any group it wants to call them a terror supporter and block their ability to be a nonprofit,” said Ryan Costello, policy director at the National Iranian American Council Action, which opposes the law. “So that would essentially kill any nonprofit’s ability to function. They couldn’t get banks to service them, they won’t be able to get donations, and there’d be a black mark on the organization, even if it cleared its name.”

The bill could also imperil the lifesaving work of nongovernmental organizations operating in war zones and other hostile areas where providing aid requires coordination with groups designated as terrorists by the U.S., according to a statement issued last year by the Charity & Security Network. “Charitable organizations, especially those who work in settings where designated terrorist groups operate, already undergo strict internal due diligence and risk mitigation measures,” the group wrote. “As the prohibition on material support to foreign terrorist organizations (FTOs) already exists, and is applicable to U.S. nonprofits, this proposed legislation is redundant and unnecessary.” If it proceeds, the bill will go to the House floor in a “suspension vote,” a fast-track procedure that limits debate and allows a bill to bypass committees and move on to the Senate as long as it receives a two-thirds supermajority in favor. [...]

Pro-Palestine Groups at Risk

In the past year, accusations of support for terrorism have been freely lobbed at student protesters, aid workers in Gaza, and even mainstream publications like the New York Times. In unscrupulous hands, the powers of the proposed law could essentially turn the Treasury Department into an enforcement arm of Canary Mission and other hard-line groups dedicated to doxxing and smearing their opponents as terrorists. With very few guardrails in place, the new bill would give broad new powers to the federal government to act on such accusations — and not just against pro-Palestine groups, according to Costello. “The danger is much broader than just groups that work on foreign policy,” said Costello. “It could target major liberal funders who support Palestinian solidarity and peace groups who engage in protest. But it could also theoretically be used to target pro-choice groups, and I could see it being used against environmental groups.

HR9495 needs to be opposed, as this civil liberties-violating bill could broadly define any organization a “terrorist supporting organization”, such as pro-reproductive rights/abortion access, pro-LGBTQ+, pro-Palestine, and progressive groups such as Indivisible.

[alixinwwonderland]

@wonderlandleighleigh requested a follow-up for this fic, so here we go, just in time for whatever the hell 501-503 throws at us.

If you’ve been steering clear of season 5 reviews and spoilers, do not keep reading!

Midge isn’t sure whether she’s thrilled or furious when Dinah informs her that Lenny is, in fact, back in town and has been for a little while.

What she is sure of, however, is that whatever she saw in Susie’s office still has her severely freaked out, and that dominant emotion is what sends her to a club one night. When she walks in, she notes with concern the shabbiness of the chairs, the scuffed floors, the less-than-clean smells. It’s not a dive, exactly, but it’s certainly not Carnegie Hall, and it’s a little too close for comfort to a not-quite-a-memory that’s been roiling through her head since that day in Susie’s office.

She settles in, far enough from the stage that she feels confident she won’t be seen until she wants to be.

Lenny’s great (what else is new), but there’s something frenetic and almost jumpy about him that worries her. When his set is over, she has almost no time to plan her next move because there he is, appearing right in front of her.

“How’d you know i was here?” she asks, genuinely baffled this time.

He shrugs.

“I got your pigeon?” Off her glare, he amends, “I heard your laugh,” and her heart does that annoying leap it has taken to doing around him ever since he leaned against a hotel bar in miami and complimented her dick jokes.

Something in her face must give her away, though, because the smirk fades and is replaced by something more like concern.

“I can go, if you don’t want to-” He’s cut off by her grabbing his jacket cuff, an anchor to keep him there and to remind herself that he is, in fact, right there and not a ghost or a memory that will slip through her fingers at any second.

He studies her again.

“Midge? Everything okay?” And everything is very much, not okay, and she suddenly finds herself at a loss for words. She’s only able to shake her head. Instantly, her hand is enveloped in his, and he’s steering her out of the club and into a quiet alley, where the bite of the night air helps her shake off the cloud of terror that’s been following her around.

She looks at him.

“If I tell you something, promise me you won’t think I’m crazy,” she says. The two of them have always had that ability to be on each other’s wavelengths - it’s what’s made them so good at trading banter and building on each other’s jokes, but it’s also what has allowed them to both realize when there’s nothing to laugh at. And, thank god, Lenny seems to understand that this is one of those times, and simply nods, leaning back against the brick wall without taking his eyes off of her.

Midge takes a deep breath, then lets it out.

As the story flows out of her, she watches him closely. To his credit, he does little to give his reactions away, but somewhere along the line, she learned to read him as well as he can read her. She notes the twitch of humor in the corner of his mouth when she rattles off the famous men she married and divorced (and jilted). She sees his jaw clench just a little when she admits how she and Joel could never quite fucking let go of the past. She sees his eyes soften in sympathy when she chokes up as she narrates what happened with her kids, and worst of all, with Susie.

Then her vision goes dark as she finds her face pressed into dark fabric, his arms wrapping around her and his hand gently stroking her hair as she cries.

“And now you probably think I’m completely fucking crazy, and I’m just...” she loses the end of her sentence in another sob, and Lenny just chuckles softly.

“Sweetheart,” he says, the term of endearment tripping off his tongue so naturally, it’s as if he’s been saying it forever, “I already knew you were a little crazy. The best people all are.”

And that, at least, gets a wet giggle out of her, and she pulls back, trying in vain to restore some sense of dignity.

“At the risk of sounding self-serving, uh...” Lenny flounders. “Can I inquire as to where...”

Midge looks up to meet his eyes, and his mouth snaps shut.

“Ah. I see,” he says. “I suppose that’s not surprising. Can I ask-”

“August. ���66.” she says, and they’re quiet for a minute. “I don’t meant to-”

“To... what?” he asks. She shrugs.

“I... I heard what you said. At Carnegie Hall. I don’t want you to think I pity you, or I’m trying to fix you, I don’t want you to-”

“You don’t want me to... what?”

“I don’t want you to... You know. Feel pressured to do something, or not do something, because some crazy lady told you that a magician gave her a vision of the future.”

Lenny rubs a hand over his face, and Midge is suddenly struck by how tired he looks.

“Well, it’s a moot point anyway,” he says. “Because I already did something - or decided not to do something for a change - because some very funny lady looked very sad and that just about broke what’s left of this shriveled organ I call a heart.”

She looks up at him.

“Do not mother me,” he says in warning. “I meant what I said. I don’t want your pity. Fix you, and let me worry about me while I do this.”

“I’m always going to worry about you, haven’t you figured that out by now?” Midge replies instantly, and despite the lightness of tone, there’s a truth there that earns a tired but real smile from him.

“So does this mean you believe me?” she asks. He shrugs.

“The way I see it, it doesn’t matter if Susie’s little weirdo actually did magic or if it all was in your head. You got a glimpse-”

“More than a fucking glimpse,” she mutters.

“-A look,” he amends, “Of a future you didn’t like very much. Right?”

Midge nods.

“Okay then. So then, do things differently.”

“You make it sound so easy,” she says, a little petulance in her voice that makes Lenny grin.

“You seem very stressed right now, so I won’t make the ‘easy’ joke that just sprung to mind,” he quips. It’s Midge’s turn to shrug.

“I wouldn’t mind. I probably thought of the same one.”

Lenny smiles at her.

“Drinks?” he asks. “That’s one vice they’ll have to pry from my cold dead hands.” Off Midge’s look, his face falls. “Sorry, I didn’t-”

“Drinks would be nice,” she says, and as they walk, she slips an arm through his.

postscript: one week later

"Midge! What can i do for you?” Gordon asks as Midge flounces into his office.

“So, here’s the deal, Gordon, and I want to make this very clear,” she says, sitting neatly on the chair across from his desk. “I am never, ever, under any circumstances, in this life or any other, going to sleep with you. I don’t care what arrangement you and Hedy have. But it is never going to involve me.”

Gordon’s mouth drops open.

“We’ve got two options, now.” She leans forward. “One: you get over your habit of thinking with your dick, realize that I’m actually really fucking funny, and let me do what I’m good at. Or, two - I walk right out that door and I don’t come back, and the next time you see me will be sending the ratings skyrocketing for Jack -”

“Don’t say it,” he grits. Midge smiles beatifically.

“So, option one, then?” she says, sweet as pie, and oh, this future is going to be fun.

[lboogie1906]

Thomas Mikal Ford (September 5, 1964 – October 12, 2016) was an actor and comedian. He was known for his role as Thomas “Tommy” Strawn on Martin. He had a recurring role as Mel Parker in The Parkers. He was known for his role as Lt. Malcolm Barker on New York Undercover.

He was born in Los Angeles and raised in Long Beach. His mother worked as a school secretary and his father as a pipe fitter. He wanted to be a preacher. When he took drama lessons and started acting in high school plays, he decided to go into acting instead. After earning an AA from Long Beach City College, transferred to USC, where he graduated with a BFA in acting.

He received an NAACP Image Awards nomination in the category of Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series.

He played Ben Cummings in The Power of Passion as one of the characters whose wife cheats on him with the pastor. He was known as “The Pope of Comedy”, due to exposure as a judge on Bill Bellamy’s Who’s Got Jokes? In feature films, he appeared in Class Act and Harlem Nights, and he played Tommy Smalls. He was seen in Against the Law.

He directed and produced the play South of Where We Live. The play was performed at the Los Angeles Ebony Showcase Theatre. He directed the play Jonin”.

He co-hosted the Texas Gospel Music Awards. He founded a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization called Be Still and Know.

He wrote two inspirational books for children, titled Positive Attitude and I Am Responsible for Me. He spent time traveling to schools to inspire and empower children and encourage responsibility. He directed a documentary on bullying, entitled Through My Lens Atl. He was married to Gina Sasso (1997-2014). They had two children. He moved from Los Angeles to Kendall, Florida around 2001. In 2015, he moved to Atlanta where he lived with his girlfriend Viviane Brazil. #africanhistory365 #africanexcellence

[figgiforever]

OC alphabet soup:

Some special characters: Q, V, Z, Y, W, X

I checked my notebooks and with surprise (positive) I realised that I have characters for all these letters! All of them are part of Figgiverse. Let's meet them :)

Qeila "Killer" Sichan - [I have mixed feelings about her and she might change in the future but I'll tell you what I have so far about her] Human female. Long, straight, black hair braided in small braids. Many piercings and tattoos. Hourglass body type, thin waist, generously curved hips and chest; she knows how attractive her body is and uses it to her advantage. She's not interested in stable relationships. More importantly, she's also an independent, strong woman. She runs her own mechanical workshop and is so good that Tiggi often uses her services even though Qeila flirts with all of her subordinates (at that time Tiggi serves in Special Ops and leads a small team of clones). I don't know if I'll keep this part but I thought that she would marry Mereel. Just imagine these two flirting with each other shamelessly causing a headaches to everybody in Kyrimorut and then everyone's surprise when they decided to stabilize their lifes and get married. (Fi would have to collect Tiggi's jaw off the floor) They would have 6 extremly pretty, strong and confident daughters.

Viriam Padé - Half mirialan half human female. Her family didn't accept her human side so only her Mirialan side is tattooed (in her case the border between two types of skins divides her body almost perfectly into two sides - human on left and Mirialan on right) so she paints one half of her face to make it fit the other one. She always felt like an outcast until she met a young Jedi - half Togrutan half human - called Tigg and found a new home among Skirata clan. Tigg is a son of clone commando Dev from Yayax squad and Gok'kie, Tiggi's favourite older sister. He's named after Tiggi, obviously. They met accidentally (or by the will of the Force) during one of his missions. Many members of Skirata clan joked that there is a romance sparkling between these two but they stayed friends. Tigg was devoted to Jedi Order and he decided to not start his own family (at this point in Figgiverse Jedi are allowed to be in a relationships but most of them decided to stay unmarried, because it's hard to be a good partner, parent and Jedi at the same time; Tiggi admits that too).

Vuun "Iridia" Kirti - Jedi Knight, Zabrak female. She was given nickname "Iridia" because as a kid she was quite conceited and proud that she is from Iridonia and not Dathomira. As an adult she is composed, scrupulous, disciplined, obedient and a bit rough, especially towards men. There is a childhood trauma behind that. Not many know about this story but Tiggi does (she know many things but mostly keeps them for herself). Once during Clone Wars Iridia has been sent to 501. Legion for inspection, just a regular check-out of the state of the army (and Anakin's competence by the way). Only Dogma was happy about this. Until he realised he fell for this "colder than stones on Orto Plutonia" (as Lio stated) woman. He shouldn't feel attracted towards the Jedi officer and feels very conflicted about this. Fortunately or not Iridia leaves soon. I didn't decide yet how exactly but they will meet again, Dogma will save her during Order 66 and after the war they will get married. I already designed a son for them and I need him in the story in the future so it's sealed, they'll be together, that's their destiny :)

Zijka - light pink Twi'lek female. Tiggi's younger "sister" (another orphan from Coruscant Underworld; she didn't grew up with Tiggi but with the rest of her "siblings" who stayed there). As a kid she got badly hurt - both of her lekku got caught off. She's been outcasted for that and Dewrec took care of her, like he did with Tiggi and other orphans. Zijka was six at that point. It happend shortly after Tiggi left to join Jedi Order. During Clone Wars Zijka has a boyfriend that breaks up with every now and then but she always comes back to him because she's afraid nobody else will ever love her because of her scars. And because she is blindly in love with him. Her siblings try to persuade her out of this toxic relationship but she doesn't listen. It starts to irritate others because she never does her chores - she's either busy preparing for a date with her beloved or crying and depressed because he left her again. She also befriended Laseema at some point before the war so during Triple Zero events Tiggi already knew her through the sister. She also asked Laseema to help them and talk with Zijka. Eventually she manages to end with that toxic relationships. Close to the end of the war she even finds someone more worthy of her love who accepts her as she is... a clone trooper :)

Werda - Etain and Darman's second child, Force sensitive female. More similar to her mother but has black hair and brown eyes. Quiet, composed but deadly mandalorian warrior. As stated in book they planned a second child somewhere close to the end of the Clone Wars. In Figgiverse they decided to wait until they their new life in Kyrimorut gets more stabilized. Besides they already had many poeple to feed and weren't fully independent from outside sources of food. Also other couples wanted to start their own families too. Etain and Darman decided to not be selfish and wait. Which is why Werda was born in 13 BBY. She was always fond of Aku which she showed by throwing her toys at him. After he joined Empire and later came back home she greeted him by standing menacingly at the door in silence, he tried to explain but she rushed to him, kissed him on the lips then punched for leaving her without word. Later they got married and had a daughter named Kebii'tra. She gave him as many troubles as he gave Tiggi but she always obeyed Werda.

Worthy - a clone trooper Tiggi and her squad met during Clone Wars. His battalion got stuck in jungle and thought that their Jedi general left them there. Because of that they were hostile towards Tiggi (or any Jedi that would show up). [insert a scene similar to Order 66 here but with Tiggi]. Fortunately her team assured the suspicious lost soldiers that she is trustworthy. It took them long time to allow her in their camp. During their first shared meal she met Worthy, without a name at that time. She proposed him that name but he refused. He didn't feel worthy of it. Later he got sick but his brothers didn't allow Tiggi to heal him until last minute. She saved him with the Force but it was so exhausting she lost consciousness. Lio was mad at them for not allowing her to do it earlier when it would be easier. He also explained to the healed soldier why she sacrificed herself like this - because he was worth it. After that he took the name she gave him.

Heh, it got too long so I'll put the second part in the reblog.

[wallowaffles]

AAAA!! I love ur art and writing so much!! 🩷 🩷🩷 This was a good time to catch up bc now I can tell you abt my boy Conner. I’m still making my way through his stuff but I’ll try to give u as many sources as i can.

First, pls pls pls I beg of you don’t make Superman hate Conner. Superman has never hated him. Even in the Young Justice cartoon where he avoided Conner like the plague during the first season, and only bc ppl (Batman) kept trying to push responsibility of this kid on him while he was still processing everything. They literally make up at the end of the season and become brothers. Superman gives him the kryptonian name Kon-el because he considers him to be family.

Superboy #59

If you’ve heard about the “Kon-el means abomination” that was a New 52 thing and New 52 is highly regarded as being *very bad*. (Also N52 Conner is a different character with a different backstory)

Anyway, his first appearance was in Adventures of Superman #501. He’s sassy, flirty, and loved being the center of attention. He’s also a little gullible bc he was literally born yesterday. He wants to give ppl the benefit of the doubt.

Kon says CLONE RIGHTS. He’s a clone himself (even though technically hes a clex test tube baby and not a clone but wtvr, thanks Geoff johns). He has an evil clone made to replace him called Match and Conner still considers him family.

Superboy #36

During Kon’s introduction, there was an editorial ban on any kryptonians so “Last Son of Krypton” could stay a true statement. Their work around is that he’s a human clone with an ability that mimics kryptonian powers. This power is called Tactile Telekinesis and he does not shut up about it. Despite its lame ass name it’s actually really cool. He’s able to shield ppl from bullets just by touching them just to name an example.

Adventures of Superman #503 & 506

Young Justice #2, Superboy #18, YJ #3

Young Justice. I haven’t read much of YJ yet so I actually can’t talk much abt it. Kon, Tim, Cassie, and Bart are the Core Four of YJ and they are incredibly close. Think everlasting trio levels of close. When Kon died, none of them took it well. Cassie joined a cult about him and Tim tried to clone him back to life. Shipping between the them is pretty common, though Cassie is usually agreed to be a lesbian and ;is often shipped with another YJ member Cissie (Arrowette). I’m personably a fan of TimKon and there a lot of comic refs I could use for why, but this is getting kinda long.

Some more stuff:

JLA: World Without Grown-Ups: is pre-young Justice. It’s an impromptu team up of Kon, Tim, and Bart (impulse) after magical shenanigans splits reality in two. I HIGHLY recommend this comic. It’s only two issues and is so damn funny.

Superboy #85: hella goofy. Has some fun interactions between kon, cass, and Tim. Set during cass’ term as batgirl. I still quote his dumb ‘pregnable’ joke often.

Reign of the Supermen (2019) movie: This is a retelling of the Reign of the Supermen arc that started in Adventures of Superman #501. Superboy’s origins has be changed so that he’s more involved with Luthor (reflecting his new origin as half Luthor). In the og comics him and Luthor have like one convo and that’s it. BUT his personality is mostly the same, he’s still the flirty sassy kid with the leather jacket and dumb glasses. The movie is free w/ ads on Tubi, otherwise you’ll either have to pay or pirate to watch.

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Update Post

Prologue | AO3

Previous

_______________________

The excursion in the Batcave hadn't set Danny’s recovery back as much as he'd thought it would, which he was grateful for. He’d missed dinner that day, having slept through it after they had given him additional medication to keep his fever under control. But the next morning he'd still been able to join a few people for breakfast, even if it was a little later than most. It was also a little quieter than usual, with the heavy topic from the previous afternoon weighing on people’s minds.

“...Are you sure you’re still feeling better?” Jazz asked, noting how Danny was absently nibbling on the toast he had with a light cream cheese forgotten on the side.

“Hm?” Danny voiced, twitching his head to look at her before fully registering what she’d asked. “Yeah, I’m okay,” he assured, giving her a brief smile. She didn’t seem convinced though, so he gave her a little more. “I’m just lost in thought, Jazz. Yesterday was… a lot.”

“You mean the part about Raven saying you were probably murdered?” Jason asked, strangely having stayed at the manor that night and stuck around that morning. Cass had ended up starting a hushed conversation that he had adopted these kids as his responsibility since they had shown up closest to his usual patrol grounds, but he wouldn’t comment on it.

“Yeah… Yeah that’s probably the big thing,” Danny agreed with a grimace. Man this guy was blunt. But, also maybe the best one to be commenting about something like this. There were a lot less people around too, maybe it was safe for him to satiate his earlier curiosity. “...I guess out of everyone here you’d … probably understand the most?” Wait, Danielle had said Jason had died before, but she hadn’t said it was murder. “U’unless it was something else that…” Okay this was a lot more awkward than he thought it would be.

“...No, you’re right. I was… murdered,” Jason confirmed, toying with his own cereal for a moment. “But it wasn’t anything crazy magical like you. Just a crowbar and bomb. That and we all know the guy that did it. Piece of shit.”

“Oh���,” Danny responded quietly, thankful that Jazz was decidedly staying quiet and allowing them to converse. “I don’t… Hm… I’m not sure which one I’d prefer honestly,” he admitted with a weak chuckle. “I mean, electrocution is no fun, hurts like a bitch, but… But at least it wasn’t drawn out.”

“...That’s a fair point,” Jason agreed, “I imagine it’s not the part that’s got you so distracted though.”

“...... No… It’s not,” Danny confirmed, lowering his toast as his brows pressed together in smothered guilt. “I…” It was hard to say it aloud, but of anyone he felt like Jason wouldn’t judge him for his thoughts. “S’she said that someone who was there would’ve had to have had the desire to s’sacrifice me or whatever. A’and at the moment I was more angry that she would imply that Clockwork had lied to me, that I - that something had happened that took away my ability to choose. But also… I don’t like what it implies about…”

Jason was quiet as he listened patiently for Danny to voice his thoughts, the words confirming ideas he’d had as well as keying him in on what was bothering Danny. But when he fell quiet before being able to finish voicing his concern Jason filled in what he could guess the worry was. “About who was there with you…?” he half asked, half stated.

Danny flinched when that fact was put in the open, but now that it was it made it easier to add details. “...Sam and Tucker were the only ones there with me.”

“Oh!” Jazz suddenly burst, raising her hands in realization and reaching over to grab Danny, “Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry, we forgot to tell you!”

“What? What!?” Danny sputtered, startled by his sister’s outburst.

“Sam asked Raven about that last night before they left. She was worried that her and Tucker being there could have been seen as them trying to murder you, but Raven said they couldn’t have just been present, they would have had to know about the sacrifice being a payment for the ritual kind of thing and clearly had the intention to kill you,” Jazz rambled quickly. “Sorry! I didn’t think that was what had you so distracted. We were going to tell you last night when you woke up, but you slept through the night.”

Danny had to stare at Jazz in silence while that whirlwind of facts got smashed into his brain. So they had already cleared up that Sam and Tucker hadn’t accidentally murdered him, but forgot to tell him? Well, it was only a few hours later, so maybe he shouldn’t be upset. At least it clarified for certain that his friends hadn’t secretly wanted to kill him. But then it brought him back to the major question that had yet to be answered. “Then who did?!”

That one Jazz didn’t have an answer to, and reluctantly let Danny go to helplessly raise her hands in a shrug. “I don’t know? Maybe no one did? I mean- Mom and Dad couldn’t possibly have accidentally done magic, right?” she attempted with a weak laugh, betraying her own discomfort with the idea that their parents had accidentally done something more dangerous than they’d ever thought.

“No, I think they did,” Danny countered easily, a little miffed.

Jason raised a brow after that, curious what else Danny had realized. “Care to elaborate?” he asked, half because he wanted the answer and half to give Jazz a chance to process what Danny had said.

Danny did not actually want to elaborate, he didn’t want to pull up memories of that afternoon again. But he did realize it was important, and therefore forced himself to answer. “The portal… After drawing that diagram out yesterday, and remembering some things, I realized Raven… might have some merit to what she’s saying,” he admitted, pouting a bit reluctantly since he’d been so ready to discredit her before. “The portal didn’t turn on when I went inside it. It was when I put my-... put my hand on the wall. There was a switch that I knocked, and I realized… it was located at one of the concentration points I drew on the diagram. So I probably completed the circuit by accident, and made it so the stupid ritual thing was complete,” he explained, absently raising his left hand as he recalled the memory.

“...Oh….,” Jason grunted, having not expected that. So this kid’s parents probably really had accidentally mixed science with magic, and Danny had ended up half killed because of it. But despite that, Jason was curious. “Okay… so maybe someone did want to kill you, maybe they actually didn’t. It really sounds like happenstance from what I’ve heard. Does it matter if someone wanted to kill you?” He already knew the answer, but he was curious if Danny would surprise him and actually admit it didn’t matter.

“Of course it matters!” Danny sputtered, bringing a fist to the table. “I want to punch them in the face for ruining my life for the past two years! Do you know how hard it is to get into NASA? I just wanted to be an astronaut and go to space - the literal coolest thing ever to exist - but now my grades are shit and I’m barely passing highschool because of all these ghosts and people think I’m stupid because of it!”

Jason couldn’t help it. After staring at Danny with slightly wide eyes in shock at the outburst, Jason couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him. Though part of it was because Tim had just walked into the dining room and nearly dropped his plate of breakfast and cup of juice after also being startled at Danny’s outburst. Danny was about to get cross with Jason for laughing, but only spared him the lecture when he also noticed Tim there.

“Oh- Sorry- I didn’t mean to startle you,” Danny apologized quickly.

Tim just sighed, grateful only a little of the juice had spilled onto the floor. “It’s fine, just give me your napkin,” he directed, setting his breakfast on the table and reaching out for the requested object. Once he had it, wiping up the spilled juice was a quick task, and he was sinking into the chair next to Danny with another sigh. “You’re not stupid, by the way. If you really need the academic records for the job you want, just test out. I’m sure you’ll be fine, and get flying colors. I can get you a study packet if you want,” he commented casually, taking a large bite out of a sausage.

Not only was the comment unexpected, but it also sounded like a flat out lie from someone who had no idea what it was like to struggle at school. “...Yeah, sure. I’ll get right on that,” Danny scoffed sarcastically, going back to nibble on his toast.

“Danny��,” Jazz hushed gently, sympathetic and immediately ready to comfort him.

“I’m serious,” Tim enforced before she could say more. “Well, I dunno how you are with english or something like that, but you’ve got great math and science aptitude.”

Danny just stared at Tim incredulously, not buying it.

So Tim threw a hand in the air and rolled his eyes. “You just recreated a complex concept schematic from memory within a 90 to 95% accuracy range on the measurements and functions, while high on morphine and fever,” he pointed out. “Also, if you’re any good at being a vigilante like everyone has been implying, you’ve got to have great problem solving skills. And that’s hard to teach.”

Danny was now openly staring in surprise, because he hadn’t realized he’d done anything that Tim said. At least, not when phrased in that manner. It wasn’t like he could discredit Tim’s words either, they had all been there as he’d drawn the schematic. “I…” He should probably say something, but he couldn’t think of a single response other than to stare blankly in surprise at the table in front of him.

It caused Tim to sigh again, slumping into his hand and rubbing his brow. “Honestly, if there’s anything you’re dumb in it’s self awareness. I’d switch out a dozen of the interns in engineering for you in a heartbeat.”

Okay, so maybe Tim wasn’t actually pulling his leg, or trying to prank him. If Danny’s cheeks weren’t already red from illness they would definitely be from embarrassment as he shyly sank down in his chair.

Jason laughing that hard wasn’t helping either.

_________________

Okay I'm gonna fully admit this chapter was unplanned and full of stuff I actually didn't think I'd get to include 'cause I just could not figure out how to naturally include them in conversation in the previous chapter or any future scenes I could think of at the moment. But then I started working on this next chapter and within the first paragraph was like '......oh..... oh it all fits rather nicely right here actually. |DDD'

So that was fun XD

And then this took awhile to actually post because I hyper fixated and wrote about 11,000 words for this fic of just scattered, disconnected scenes for future chapters all the way to about the end @ v @ I'm excited.

In other topics, I had a request/question if Conner Kent would show up, and I wouldn't mind giving him a cameo, but I am very confused about what his personality is like. 8'DD Can someone info dump on me about him and his relationship with other characters? There's one that had a black t shirt with the superman symbol and he's like this angsty angry guy that I honestly don't find all that interesting and would be hard to write. But then there's this flashy leather jacket flirty boy with a different flavor of angst and fun that I find a little more interesting. But I'm curious what the DPxDC fandom seems to favor more. Are Conner and Clark dad and son relationship? Does Conner get along with Jon? He's friends with Bart, Tim and Cassie yeah? Feel free to link me to google docs, or recommend movies or comics to me |D This boy is a little harder for me to figure out than the other characters.

___________

Tag list: @galaxy-sharks-and-bottled-ships, @starscreamlover, @nerdynonnativenarnian, @dragongoblet, @megacharizardx99

@bellathecatastrophe, @cj-ghostemoji-destielpie, @asexual-insomniac, @wolfeyedwitch, @tkiesai, 

@fanaroff, @raven1508, @nebulainajar, @serasvictoria02, @oliocelottafanfics,

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@op-sys-chaos, @kirasigncomics, @ehobep, @paranoid-ira

[androfergiespaces]

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[alsjeblieft-zeg]

501 of 2023

You are a blonde Youre parents are divorced Youre closer to your dad you have one sibling SHE is younger than you You are on here late at night It is because you have nothing else to do you cannot drive yet your dream car is a slugbug you play sports that main sport is volleyball but you played tons of sports as a young child you are smart your favorite kind of food is chinease but you cannot pick a single food item as your favorite You own pets they are dogs and cats you prefer cats, however you like to exercise but dont like to run you love little children as long as you dont have to live with them you still love little kid cartoons you love romantic comedies you have a dirty mind your favorite kind of music is rock you are a casual dresser you rarely start thiings and dont finish them you’ve seen the new spiderman movie and loved it you are not the most popular person you have a small group of close friends you dont shop at name brand stores (aka hollister and pacsun) your favorite kind of chocolate is milk you hate sweet pickles you love homemade mac and cheese your dad doesn’t cook much/well your room isnt very decorated you are moving soon you are laying in your bed with your laptop right now some of your relatives are in town you have young cousins (6 or younger) you used to play the piano you recently went on a class trip to washington dc/new york/ gettysburg you live in colorado you love the color blue you also love long quizzes but not 200 questions long you are a female you hate sexist jokes of any kind you dont want to have a big, fancy house you would rather live in the suburbs than the city you throw your clothes on the floor rather than in the laundry baskets you use your sibling to grab your stuff when youre to lazy to grab it you wouldnt go to a dinner place by yourself you have recently realized your friend was a not so good person and now youre questioning your other friends you would rather take a survey than make one and you love these “are you like me” surveys you have seen all 6 seasons of lost and all 6 seasons of psych you have pictures hanging up in your room you have an american flag in your room you hate it when people disrespect your countries flag youre now done with this quiz :)

[hakka84]

Hm, that's an interesting topic. I think it started in the early 2000s.

Originally, Warren's parent were just wealthy. Sure, he was rich, but the kind of rich that sent their children to private school, had a elegant car and give numerals to the names of their kids. For the little we see in the first run of X-Men, Warren isn't the kind of guy who hides rolls of hundreds in his clothes or can afford to offer to buy houses to his dates or is asked to burn through his funds more quickly (see X-Men: First Class).

Warren's wealth somehow grows when he's out of the X-Men. His parents are dead and he has suddenly inherited everything. "I'm rich!", it's one of the first pages of Champions, if not the first page of the series? IDK ad the moment. As if he didn't have any idea of how much rich his parents were. -> the concept of the Worthington Industries hadn't been invented yet, and this tracks: if you knew your dad owns a multinational industries, you would know you're going to be insanely rich when your dad dies.

It's said on panel that Warren puts most of his inherited fortune into funding the Champions and the project (the failing building) almost bankrupts him. So you'd guess he's not that much rich.

The Defenders are headquartered in his New Mexico (later retconned to be Colorado) aerie and he funds them, but there's not much expenses - besides the, well, rebuild the whole place.

Then comes X-Factor. I think this is where his wealth is suddenly established to be a lot bigger than intended. He funds X-Factor, buys a whole lot on the dock where he builds the place and every expense comes from his pockets. This is also where the Worthington Industries are first mentioned as source of his family's wealth.

But in X-Factor his apparent suicide means that legally he's dead. And Cameron Hodge manages to get everything. Warren legally left all his wealth to X-Factor, and Hodge gets his hands on X-Factor.

When X-Factor disbands and the O5 return to the X-Men, is established on panel that Warren lost most of his fortune. (it's said in the page where he courts Charlotte Jones by picking her up in a limo).

We're now well into the 90s. His wealth is not that much mentioned. We're shown he has a loft in Soho. Not sure, but in Operation: Zero Tollerance Bobby might mention Warren owns the whole building, but - again, not sure.

Warren refuses to be a candidate for next leader in X-Men Revolution on the basis the Industries have priority. He also mentions owning a whole building in NY, where is loft is. Other than that nothing.

Then comes the change. Warren returns to the X-Men to co-lead with Kurt. It's around this time that, I think, the Worthington Industries are established to be a Fortune 500 company. He can afford to buy out Vanisher's drug business without blinking. But, if we have to believe Northstar, Warren allowed the Industries to flounder so he wasn't a good CEO. I think the whole billionaire started around here. Early 2000s.

And then yes, after that I think authors kept updating and increasing his worth to keep him "that much rich" as inflation and wealth changes in our world. But, the more they do this, the more he actually gets richer and climbs the "most rich people" list, IMHO. By Uncanny X-Men 501, the Industries are a Fortune 100 company. And in Uncanny X-Force's flashback, Warren says his father left him "a trillion dollars". I don't think his line was meant to be an hyperbole*. But "a trillion" would make him 10x than Elon Musk. So... is this hyperbole? English isn't my first language so I might have not understood the joke here?

Before Krakoa it felt he was almost "unlimited funds" level. It was clear he was way wealthier than Xavier ever hoped and dreamed to be. But still not "Tony Stark" level. Then Krakoa happened, and they had to up Xavier's game.

Now... Warren's still rich, but I don't get why he would need to get himself involved in X-Factor with a small percentage (he owns 8% of the project), when an higher one would allow him more decision power/leverage. Not to mention he can definitely afford any loss.

So. I think originally he was meant to be "just" a Long Island/Hamptons millionaire and no more than that. Like, say, today's Obama or Oprah? He wasn't meant to be a Buffet/Rothschild's level, back then.

Now, the last defined mention of his wealth I think it's the aforementioned Uncanny X-Force. So, if he was a trillionaire immediately after inheriting... I cannot even fathom how much rich he's now, considering that yes, the Industries did grow since he inherited them.

* As reference, Elon Musk's is worth, as per September 2024, 251 billions. Musk, Bezos and Zuckerberg together make 650 billions.

i’m not going to read through every warren appearance ever to figure out when it was but at some point he stopped referring to his parents as millionaires and corrected to billionaires. i cannot for the life of me decode if

a)this is meant to denote a growth in the worthington fortune

b)the writers genuinely forgot what they had written before

or

c) the writers intended to keep the relative amount of wealth the family had similar but had to increase the number in the modern era

[frsturt]

501+ New British And Irish Jokes

501+ New British And Irish Jokes

© Francis R Sturt 2021 New Adult Jokes Guaranteed To Make You Laugh Or Your Tonsils Back! Welcome! céad míle fáilte 欢 google-site-verification: google4de88e90fa1080a9.html Original jokes created and crafted by Francis R Sturt during the Pandemic. Any constructive comments are welcome. Please scroll down to the “Contact Us” form at the bottom of the page Pat and Nick are driving around the…

[tennessoui]

Cliegg, getting constant comments and dirty jokes about the sexy handyman: that is my stepson

Cliegg, spotting Anakin and Obi-Wan making a guilty get-away as he has to reassure everyone there is no fire and liaise with the fire department: that is my stepson

Cliegg, realising the guy he bought a new stove for is living the handyman porno with Anakin: that is my stepson

Cliegg, having to listen to all the double entendres and lewd comments about their relationship during the speeches at the wedding: that is my stepson

anakin to cliegg, under his breath after he pours draino down his first tenant's drain: yay thank you for this job opportunity..........

anakin to cliegg after he gets his step dad's text saying some dude's oven isn't working: yay.......thank you for this job....opportunity....

anakin to cliegg after he meets obi-wan "501" kenobi: yay?? thank you...??? for ? this job opportunity ???

anakin to cliegg like the fifth time he meets obi-wan kenobi: actually i think you need to make every tenet attend fire safety courses or risk losing your entire source of income. no this is not personal on any level.

anakin to cliegg while marrying the tenet in 501: yay!!!!! thank you!!!!!!! for this job!!! opportunity!!!!!!! :D <3 <3 <3 <3 :D :D :D

[matan4il]

I'm so with you if Eddie had come in the bar he wouldn't have kissed her.... My boyfriend said the same. "He could have saved himself a lot of trouble if Eddie just texted back". But I was like no we need the chaos to force Buck to make a stupid decision to build up the ending of the relationship. Otherwise Buck would have just chilled in the same spot, a warm body in his bed while living his real life with Eddie. We needed a meaningful raw conclusion or Buck would have dithered forever. I get why Oliver was so excited for the storyline and why he promoted it.

We also finally got to see him be the one to be in control of how the relationship ended. It was honestly great. So excited for next season.

Happy Belated Birthday!!!! Hope you have an amazing week and I can't wait to read your metas next season. I have a feeling we are gonna get alot of domestic Buddie content. Please some work husband jokes. I think you will have alot of good material!!

Hi lovely Nonnie!

Thank you so much for the kind belated bday wishes, it’s just... so beyond sweet of you to send them, and they honestly make my heart grow at least five sizes, probably more. Kindness always matters, but it’s been a rough two years, so it matters even more, and I hope you know just how much I appreciate this! I hope you’re having a fantastic week, and thank you for brightening mine! Also, I am sooo looking forward to celebrating s6 with you! I have no doubt that we will have more domestic Buddie coming our way. I think it’s clear by now that the domesticity of these two men and their son is a staple of 911. *HUGS*

LOL I might be stanning your bf for picking up on that truth. XD And yes, I agree with you, I’ve said before that Buck needed to get to be the one who leaves at least once, to have closure and stop being the one who always gets left behind. And yes, seeing how the r/s with Taylor was one in which he WAS unhappy during 5a, we see that from the first two scenes we get of Buck (in 501 with her and in 502 without her), yet he makes no move to change anything, and seems almost oblivious to how much he doesn’t wanna be with her (his reaction to Bobby’s talk in 510 about Bathena’s engagement should have clued you in, Buck), something had to go seriously sideways for him to be forced to let go, and realize that sometimes it is better to be alone than with the wrong person. For a guy with abandonment issues, that was never going to be easy. Speaking of s6, I’m looking forward to whether we’re gonna get to see on screen Eddie’s reaction to the news about Buck and Lucy’s kiss...

Hope you continue to have a beautiful day, hon, lots of love! xoxox

If you're looking for my ask replies, here is my ask tag! xoxox  

[murdertoothpick]

Congrats on 501 followers!!!! can i be cheeky and ask for the prompt 'jealousy' with Tech please? any gender reader, nsfw or sfw, i dont mind! I'm curious to what that man would be like when he's jealous <3

blueprints and green hints

Tech x gn!Reader; fluff and bastard!crosshair | w/c: 703

501 follower prompt list - [2] jealousy

Warnings: brief use of rifle but not really, tech wants your attention!

A/N: this is an honour rats, thank you

'This is news to me,' Tech interrupts your conversation with Crosshair, having spent the last minute watching you two interact.

'Hmm?' you acknowledge his presence with a slight tilt of your head, though your eyes and focus are trained on a makeshift target through the scope of the sniper's 773 Firepuncher.

Tech watches you line up your shot before clarifying. 'I was not aware that you wanted to learn how to use a sniper. Much less one with Crosshair's configurations.'

You abandon your stance, shifting the rifle so that you are holding it with both hands in front of you. You shake your head in a laugh, 'Definitely not. Just wanted to look at the modified components.'

Crosshair raises his brow at Tech, who minutely shrugs in response.

'It's bigger than I'm used to,' you tell the sniper, handing the rifle back to him—and by then it's too late to retract your words.

Crosshair's eyes flit to his awkward brother in the doorway, so quickly that you almost don't catch it. In amusement, the sniper smiles wickedly at you, hoping to stir a reaction from Tech. 'That may be the case with a lot of my components,' he drawls.

His intentions are not lost on you, however, and you glare at him before punching him in the shoulders—it hurts you more than him with the plastoid protecting from the force of your bare fist. Still, it earns you a laugh from the sniper, and you can't help but want to share that childish laugh typical among siblings. But it does not look that way to Tech.

Tech moves to separate you and Crosshair, attempting to cease your burst of giggles. 'You simply could have asked me to show you the modifications,' he interjects between you, 'after all, it was me who designed a large number of them. I can show you the blueprints if you wish.'

'True,' you attempt to calm down, your hand finding purchase on Tech's shoulder to stabilise yourself. 'But I thought it would be cool if the sniper himself showed me,' you throw finger guns at the man in question, 'thanks, Cross.'

Tech casts a glance at the sniper, who smirks at his brother before turning to pack up his weapons kit. 'My pleasure, ram'ser,' Crosshair snarks, savouring the way Tech's eyes bulge through his goggles at the name. To Tech, it seems too endearing.

Crosshair departs shortly after, leaving you to the rest of your work with Tech.

'I was not aware that you and Crosshair had nicknames for each other,' he frowns, questioning the interaction he had witnessed.

'Oh- Cross was just joking, I'm happy with just using my blasters,' you laugh lightly, pulling up a chair for Tech if he insists on being there while you work. He sits beside you while you return your attention to your tasks.

'You are calling him 'Cross',' he specifies, and you don't exactly understand why that comes as a surprise to him.

'Don't you all call him Cross?' you muse, diverting some attention from your work to Tech as you try to decipher his sudden interest in your camaraderie with Crosshair.

'Yes, but we are brothers.'

You shrug nonchalantly, 'Crosshair's like a brother to me.'

Tech gives you a silent nod in agreement, mulling over his thoughts as you work next to him. He speaks up after a few seconds of silence, 'What am I to you?'

Oh. Now he has your full attention.

You swivel your chair around to fully face him. If you didn't know any better, you would have taken his seemingly blank expression as non-committal or apathetic. But you do know better. He might not say it, or be aware of it, but Tech is jealous. It's a little cute. He was vying for your attention earlier.

'You, Tech, are my favourite,' you reassure him, scooting your seat closer to speak to him in earnest.

When he doesn't seem convinced, you sigh, standing up from your seat. 'Where are you going?' he asks you, swiftly following your steps away from your desk.

'C'mon,' you offer a hand to him, nodding your head towards the door, 'I'd like to see those blueprints you mentioned.

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[uglyshirtsinc]

Idea 3: Pizzaplex is an engineering disaster waiting to happen.

An idea that I don't see brought up at all, is the idea that the Pizzaplex is not constructed well.

Remember in FNAF 6 when the tutorial unit said this?

"There may be times when you purchase something of questionable quality, and we don't blame you. Cutting corners is just good business."

Keep this statement in mind while I bring up my next point. As someone who's taken an engineering class, when you are constructing a building, there are a VERY large number of codes (rules) that you need to follow for every conceivable part of it.

Fazbear Entertainment would probably find it a lot cheaper just to pay off the people inspecting the plex than to actually put money into making sure everything is up to code.

They would also try to construct the building as cheaply as possible, trying to "cut corners" wherever they could. They use substandard materials and contractors that don't double-check their work. They built the mall itself over the subterranean remains of their old restaurant, despite this making the ground very unstable.

This all works in my mind because Fazbear Entertainment has been proven to follow the "be as cheap as possible" and "maximize profits by any means necessary" approaches many times in the past.

Here is just one example of a code being violated, according to Section 1006.2.1.1 of Utah Building Codes, "Three exits or exit access doorways shall be provided from any space with an occupant load of 501 to 1,000. Four exits or exit access doorways shall be provided from any space with an occupant load greater than 1,000." We only see 2 public exits in the game, and the Pizzaplex likely holds well over a thousand people at any one time. What's worse is that one of the exits, the only one designated for emergencies, requires a VIP pass in order to be used.

If Fazbear Entertainment is willing to do this to cut costs, who knows what else they have done?

It's why, in my mind, I don't have Gregory live at the pizzaplex after the 3-star ending. Freddy would calculate that it is statistically safer for Gregory to live in his box than at the plex. He instead lives with Vanessa, creating opportunities for them to grow closer.

BTW This has happened in real life, even down to the shoddy construction and profit maximization. It was the Sampoong Department store collapse. Link

first off, idea 2 might have gotten eaten by the tumblr gods so uh- you might wanna resend me that one-

rather than respond all in one go ill just respond as i read so you see my real time thoughts but all of that is under the read more cut because not everyone wants to see my late night rants

literally anything said by tutorial unit in fnaf 6 gave me trust issues that lil shit taught me that it wasnt just ha ha silly, no some businesses DO actually do that. i also relearned that during my food handlers permit test and honestly it makes the fnaf games food storing conditions a thousand times scarier imo. forget the literal child murder or possessed robots, it's unsanitary kitchen environments that rattle my bones!

so what im hearing is fazbear entertainment is committing OSCHA violations? them and every after school theater group lmao

THE PARAGRAPH ABOVE IS A JOKE I DIDNT EXPECT TO SCROLL AND SEE THE ACTUAL VIOLATION BE LISTED I SPIT MY SODA LAUGHING- YOU PULLED UP THE UTAH BUILDING CODES TOO THIS HAS GOT TO BE ONE OF MY NEW FAVORITE ASKS TO EVER RECIEVE THAT IS PURE DEDICATION

the sentence "safer in a box" both disturbs me and makes complete sense. it's definitely the lesser of two evils, but i can hate both evils equally!