#5) but yeah this was about being 'surprised' so maybe the thing you can't understand leaves you more numb than surprised? I'd still be shoo

[demiurgenesis]

Having thoughts about the walrus fairy poll (a dangerous pass time, I know) and I'm trying to find a way to explain like... how a small inconsequential thing can be the harbinger of something more significant, and that that's where true comedy/terror/wonder lies.

A big part of my sense of humour is 'implication'. When playing Cards Against Humanity it's basically a guaranteed laugh to play a card that just says 'a hat full of shit' but I find it funnier to play something that you have to think about for a fraction of a second before 'oh god no!' as you realise what's being implied. (Nothing against the cards that say things like 'a monkey with a huge dick' - for one of my friends those are her absolute FAVOURITE cards. That's exactly her style of humour. Love that about her.)

But the idea that a fairy at your doorstep is 'easier' than a walrus at your doorstep doesn't track with me.

A walrus on your doorstep brings up so many questions, of course. How did it get here? How did it knock? Why didn't anyone notice, or did they notice? What's going on???

But even being able to engage with this bizarre situation is what makes it attainable. Yes it COULD have walked (dragged?) itself all the way here from the sea. Yes it could have escaped from a zoo or unethical neighbour. Yes it could have knocked on the door by messing around with it until it sounded like a knock that got your attention - or someone else knocked for it and then ran away and hid in a bush. Ridiculous - sure - but something I can engage with.

A fairy at the door? Oh easy, it's just a fairy, and they can knock.

...except it's not actually that simple.

I have to argue with my mum about bigfoot sometimes (long story) and she tries to Occam's Razor me with this:

"You walk outside and there's footsteps from a bigfoot in the snow. Now what's more likely? That a person went out of their way to make fake-bigfoot shoes so they could leave footprints in the snow, and was so careful about it that they didn't leave any trace of their deception, and correctly matched the stride and weight of a much larger creature, and blah blah all these other complicated things they'd need to do, and no one saw them do it...... or that it was just a bigfoot going for a walk in the snow? Occam's Razor says the simplest explanation is usually the correct one. So which of these two is simpler? I creature going for a walk or a human messing around with an extremely complicated and well executed prank?"

The answer is that a human doing it is simpler. Even though it sounds more complicated. Even though it takes longer to explain. Even though it requires an element of luck to pull off. It is still the simpler explaination. Why? BECAUSE THE BIG PICTURE IMPLICATIONS.

If a bigfoot 'just went for a walk' it certainly sounds like a simpler explanation. Except that bigfoots don't exist. So if they did then we need to explain why one's never been seen, or heard, or caught. Why there's nothing that's disrupting the ecosystem like a bigfoot creature would. No plants or animals are getting eaten by this undetected creature. Why there's no hair, or poop, or DNA. Why there's no bones or fossils or corpses. Why there's no 'marks on trees' or whatever else things an animal/creature leaves behind when it lives somewhere. And why following the footprints into the wood never leads to finding a goddamn bigfoot at the end of the trail.

That's how I feel about 'a fairy on my doorstep is simpler than a walrus' because it's not, it's actually extremely more complicated than finding a walrus. Yes, even though the walrus has to do all this complicated stuff to be able to show up and knock on my door. It's not NEARLY as world-shattering as what finding a fairy on the doorstep would imply about reality as I understand it.

You're goddamn right I'd be surprised to find a fairy - especially in knowing that that's what it is.

That's right: I'm asking how do I know it's a fairy? Do I just know? Do I just instinctively know what it is upon seeing it? How could I? Even with stories and media painting a picture for me of what a fairy might look like, why in the world would I know AND BELIEVE that the thing on my doorstep is a fairy? And yet apparently I do. I open the door and there is a fairy and I know this and believe this. I know and believe this as surely as if there were a walrus on my doorstep - a walrus being a thing I have never seen in real life, only in records and art, and yet if I met one I'd know it and believe it - you're telling me the same is true of meeting a fairy on my doorstep? THE IMPLICATIONS! Is the fairy affecting my brain in a 'BE NOT AFRAID' kind of way? Is the existance and recognition of fairies actually already embedded in my brain? Maybe I have seen them before. Maybe I've seen them and they made me forgot, but now I see one again I instantly know what it is. If there's one fairy are there more fairies? Where are they in the ecosystem? Why is there no evidence of that? Do they exist outside the ecosystem? Is fairyland real? A reality seporate from our own where all the fairies live? That's a hell of a thought. Or is there actually a conspiracy to keep fairy existence a secret from regular people? Could such a thing work? Apparently it does work, because here's a goddamn fairy, they're real.

And on and on and on and on the horrifying implications, they don't stop, they keep spilling like a waterfall as all understanding of the world is washed away before the witnessing of this fairy on my doorstep.

Oh a walrus? Yeah, that's strange. It probably escaped from a zoo. How did it knock? I dunno, maybe they trained it at the zoo.

[tojikai]

LIKE A PRO!

Pairing: Toji x reader

tags/cw: 🌽star!toji, 🌽star!femreader, nsfw, alot. ykwim.

word count: 2.5k

a/n: i was writing something else but i can't stop thinking abt this soo. i just feel like writing smut. i miss toji sm.

“Looks like I’ll be coming over even without your manager's invitation.” 

🌽star! Toji who’s very in demand so he’s very picky with who he films with but you were surprised to see him arrive early when your agency made him an offer, eyeing you like a piece of meat and he’s a tiger that hasn’t eaten for months, ready to devour you the moment you get close enough.

When you entered the studio, you smiled at the crew as they offered to carry your bags. You were very professional and punctual especially when it comes to work so you made sure to arrive early. The fact that your partner was still tentative didn’t help with the tension. As an actress, you want to know thoroughly who you work with to make the scenes more effective. Having no idea who it is or how they are made you feel like you’re patting around the dark.

“Very early, huh? Excited to see me?” Your soul almost jumped out of your body when you heard a voice behind you. It was a deep yet velvety voice, sending shivers down your spine and vibrations to your core. You turned around only to be met by a naked chest. Your brows raised as your eyes traced the contours of his pecs and muscles.

There in front of you was none other than Toji Fushiguro in the flesh.

His hair was shiny and it fell so perfectly on his face. You can’t help but think about how good he’ll look once it’s wet with sweat as he’s panting under you when you ride his dick. He got a toothpick hanging on his lips and you can’t help but feel the squeak on your pussy every time he kisses his teeth. His narrow eyes look down at you like he’s ready to devour you and his nose—GOSH, his nose—tells you that the couch in the middle of the room won’t be the only one you’ll be sitting on later today.

He was only wearing sweatpants that hung dangerously low around his waist, showing his toned abs and v-line. Just from the outline, you can tell you’re gonna be sore after today’s shooting. Maybe you shouldn’t have taken another film right after this if you knew you’d be dealing with something that big. You tried to keep your eyes on his face because it would be embarrassing to get caught ogling your partner not even 5 minutes after arriving at the set but oh well… here you are, listening to his chuckles.

“It’s all yours later,” He whispered seductively as he reached behind you to get his bottle. They were right about him being overly confident. Well, that’s because he’s built like that. You also understand now how he can afford to be picky. “I-I didn't think you'd be early, Mr. Fushiguro!” You laughed awkwardly, extending a hand and he stared at it for a few seconds before taking it and pulling you close, pressing you to his chest. “No need to be so formal. In our line of work it's better to get comfortable early on, don't you think?” You can feel his hand slide deliciously from your back to your ass and you couldn't stop yourself from pressing yourself onto him while he murmurs in your ear. 

He has a point, though. In your field of work, the first thing you do is get comfortable with your partner. You don't have much time to get to know each other so it's better to jump into the business whenever you can. After all, chemistry and intimacy are the capitals for your job. Aside from the kinks, turn-ons and offs, safe words, and restrictions, it's also good to get used to conversing with each other so the script flows more naturally.  

“Well, yeah. That's right. I was just starstruck that the “picky” Mr. Fushiguro agreed to film with a rising star like me.” Your voice sounded sweet as you pressed yourself further to him, arching your back as you felt his hand slightly caress its skin. The smirk that formed on his lips sent tingles to your clit and that was enough for you to press your legs together, biting your lip. “Who wouldn't agree when the partner’s this pretty?” He squeezed your bum lightly, 

“We wouldn’t be filming until late noon, the director didn’t think Mr. Fushiguro would be here so he’s settling some things with the backup.” Looking back at the assistant and the people murmuring as some of them cleared the set, Toji’s smirk got bigger. You stared at his lips, wondering how that scar would feel on your skin. And before you could look away, you were caught by his eyes which seemed to have gotten darker at the opportunity.

You’re usually very professional when filming, but this man doesn’t come unless the partner makes him feel like…cumming. This is barely work to him. 

“How about I orient you with what I wanna happen first?” 

And now, your legs are wide open on a couch that was supposed to be used later, moaning his name as his fingers move in and out of your sopping wet cunt.

“Toji…” You moaned, watching his fingers diddle with your bud for a few seconds before being shoved back in again. He already made you squirt and it hasn’t even been 30 minutes since you’ve met. “I thought this clit only looks nice in the films.” He commented, smirking up at you as he places a kiss on it. 

“Oh my gosh…” You panted, leaning on your elbows, not wanting to miss a movement. Tongue darting out, he traced the sides of your pearl, moaning as he took it all in his mouth. The vibrations almost sent you to the edge again as you tried to press his face closer to you. You thanked the heavens that the crew chose to go out for a break and only a few were left outside. It’s not like they wouldn’t be seeing this later but getting caught like this makes you feel shy.

Taking his fingers out, you can feel Toji harden his tongue on your bud before he drags it down to your hole. “Ah!” You pouted at him, hissing at the feeling of his wet muscles exploring your insides. The way he moves it around makes you circle your hips, grinding your pearl on his nose and making him growl. “I knew this pussy would taste this good when I saw it.” You blushed, thinking about how he watched your videos. 

The thought of having him holding his cock as he jerks off on your clip makes you wetter than you already are. 

Kissing your clit one more time, he moved up to your lips, kissing you like he wasn’t here to fuck you like an animal later. “Mmm, both your lips taste so good, Mami.” He moaned, pressing your cheek as he coaxed you to open your mouth. You let him slip his tongue inside you, panting as he allowed you to suck on it before slapping your cheek lightly as he pulled away “Such a good slut,” He tapped your tit before pulling your chest to him, skillful tongue circling your sensitive nipples as his fingers played with the other one. 

“Yeah….” You moaned, pushing his hair back and exposing his forehead as he licked your button with the tip of his tongue. His eyes stared menacingly at you before you felt his finger caressing your slit again. He indulged in the way your brows bumped together when he sucked your nipples hard, pulling before letting go with a pop. 

Your hand found purchase on his still-clothed cock, painfully wanting to be let out of its confinement. “You wanna taste? Go on, Mami. It’s been waiting for you.” He chuckled, pulling his phone before filming you as you slowly pulled his sweatpants down. “Gotta have a little tip for me, yeah? Gotta have my own personal clip of this pretty mouth around my cock? Go on, baby.” The way he said ‘baby’ made your pussy clench as you squatted in front of him, naked cunt exposed to the air as you kissed the tip of his dick. 

“Yeah, spread those legs as you suck my dick. Show me how nasty this makes you feel, Ma.” You moaned, tongue sticking out as you licked his shaft, hand cupping his balls before you took it all in your moan. Toji grunted at the move, cursing at how you escalated things quickly from kitten licks to deep-throating him in an instant. “I gotta talk to the director too. How dare he take so long in inviting me to fuck this mouth.” He chuckled, pulling you by your hair to sit down on the couch.

You eagerly took it back in your mouth, letting your tongue trace the vein under his length. You whimpered as you felt him reach over to tweak your nipple with his fingers. “You’re such a whore for my dick, yeah?” He hissed as you bobbed your head up and down, pulling your lips back to prevent your teeth from touching his skin. Not long after, you can feel Toji’s thighs tensing under your touch and he was already pulling you away from him.

“Uh uh, not yet.” He whispered, throwing his phone away before dragging you on the couch. You instantly opened your legs, staring at him with lust and hunger in your eyes as you licked your lip. Toji watched as you spread your plump lips, showing him your entrance as if silently begging him to ram his heavy dick into you. He would’ve taken a picture if only his knees weren’t going weak from holding back.

“You just can’t wait, huh?” He rubbed the tip at the tender flesh of your core making you whimper, grinding your hips as you pleaded repeatedly “Please,” He cooed at your state, putting a hand behind your head before capturing your lips and shoving his thick erection inside your waiting cunt. You moaned in the kiss, feeling the pleasurable burn as he stretched you with his girth. He slowly moved in and out of you, groaning at the tightness before breaking the kiss only to urge you to watch as your heat took his length.

“Look at that, doll. Look how perfectly it fits inside you.” He moans, mocking your whimpers as he gradually went faster until he was slamming into you. His strong hands push your knees to your shoulder, squeezing your bouncing tits. You shamelessly called out his name, not caring if the staff could hear the two of you getting it on already. Hell, you don’t even care if they start filming now. 

“Yeah, wanna let them know I can’t hold myself around you, huh?” He growled, sweat dripping down his face as he parted your folds with his fingers. “Is that why you’re being so loud?” You can feel his fat tip nudge your g-spot, making you scream as you explode. “Oh gosh, T-toji—” You chanted, feeling his cock slip out, or rather get pushed out as you squirted on him, making him chuckle as he rubbed your bud quickly before pulling your hand and switching positions. 

“Messy doll.” He teased you, watching your body twitch as he laid down, placing you on top of him and you found yourself mindlessly rubbing yourself on his cock before swiftly sliding it in with a soft cry. “That’s it, fuck yourself on me, Mami. Show me how much you want my cum, yeah?” He reached for your tits, rubbing the pebbled flesh as you rolled your hips on top of him, hands caressing his glistening skin as you breathed out his name. 

Toji felt hasn’t felt like fucking a coworker before until he had your name on the email he got. Seeing your mouth open, and your glazed eyes as your body bounces on top of him got him hoping this wouldn’t be the last. If it was, he’ll make a way to fuck you again. Toji’s hand slid down your body to your swollen nub, drawing figures with his thumb as he shallowly thrust up to you, restraining himself from letting go and fully ravishing your body. 

It was when you leaned back, arching your body as you parted your legs wider that he lost control, ramming up to you like a madman as a rumble erupted from his throat. “You’re really asking for it, doll.” He put his hand on your hips for support as he fucks himself up in you, chuckling as you hit those high notes, and breathing harder as he hit the exact spot inside you. 

You looked so breedable, so cock drunk as he pounds into you, whining his name as you frowned in pleasure and struggled to keep your body from falling to the side.

“Toji.. keep doing that.” You whimpered, throwing your head back as you let him use your body as he pleases. Desperate for release, Toji sat up and laid you down without taking his pulsating length out of you. You can tell how much he’s trying to stop himself from coming, enjoying how you squeeze his throbbing cock every time he shoves himself in you. 

Yelping as he folds you in a mating press, Toji couldn’t even afford to let you breathe as he hammered his dick into you. “Oh fuck!” You cried, feeling him reach deeper into the new position. His face contorted like he was in pain as he repeatedly buried himself inside you, bullying your cunt as put half his weight on you.

“Gonna cum inside you, doll.” He panted, pressing his forehead against yours and smiling when you nodded frantically with teary eyes. “Gonna fill you up so good, you’re going to be asking for it again later.” The sound of your skin slapping against each other echoed around the room. Feeling his hips stutter, you pouted up at him, “Give it to me, please, Toji. Pretty please.” You breathed against his lips. 

As his thrusts went shallow, you could feel his tip rub the sweet spot inside you, making you cry out in pleasure as you cum hard around him. Your eyes rolled back in pleasure and your thighs trembled. The feeling of your walls spasming and contracting around him sent Toji to the edge. He managed one powerful thrust, hissing as he spilled all his essence deep inside you. You whimpered at the feeling of his warm liquid flooding and painting your insides. 

“So fucking good,” He rasped out before capturing your lips. Panting hard, he savored the feeling of your tight pussy clenching around him. You stayed in that position for a couple of seconds, hearing each other’s shattered breaths before he pulled out, eyes fixated on your winking hole. He licked his lips, smirking as you whined desperately at him. Your hip’s starting to hurt but you can’t bring yourself to care, enjoying the way his eyes glimmer at the sight of his cum leaking out of you.

“Looks like I’ll be coming over even without your manager's invitation.” 

[buddiebeginz]

Since I'm still seeing posts where people are saying Buck wanted Tommy's attention in 7x04 I thought I would do a break down of the episode. Cause the entire thing was about how Buck wanted Eddie's attention full stop and I'm baffled that some of you missed that it wasn't exactly subtle:

This is going to be a long post with gifs so I'll put it under the cut

First there was the mansion call. (I know some might say this scene is different because it was meant to be a part of episode 7x05. Doesn't matter they changed the order so it's canon for this ep and so Buck's behavior in it is relevant).

Buck trying to get Eddie's attention with the random facts he knows and also because he knows no one listens and appreciates that stuff about him like Eddie:

Buck glued to Eddie's side the whole call.

Buck also not showing any interest in the ladies from the Bachelor while he's standing with Eddie.

---

Then you have the scene at the hanger:

Here's the thing I do believe Buck has an attraction to Tommy and is interested in him but the main draw Buck has to Tommy is because of the multiple similarities Tommy has to Eddie. The show was practically putting a neon sign above Eddie and Tommy multiple times saying that Tommy is a mirror of Eddie.

I'd also like to point out that maybe it was just me but Tommy didn't seem all that interested in Buck throughout this scene or really any scene until the last one. Now yeah he could have been being cautious because he didn't know if Buck was into guys but I honestly got the vibe he was into Eddie. I can't help but wonder if he was trying to get with Eddie and then maybe in Vegas Eddie told him he was straight (not that he is) or maybe Eddie just told him he has a beard girlfriend. No one can convince me otherwise that Tommy doesn't think there's something between Eddie and Buck. I 100% believe all Eddie did was talk about Buck when they hung out and Buck did the same thing right up until Tommy kissed him. That whole "my attention" line was very telling. Tommy you're gonna get your heart broken but I get it dude Buck is hot.

So anyway Buck goes for a tour and unsurprisingly he brings up Eddie before Eddie ever shows up. And while yeah it's him responding to Tommy saying he was in the army it just feels like a partner moment. Like yeah no way my boyfriend was in the army. Buck talking about Eddie is as second nature as someone talking about their spouse. They're such an integrated part of their life that they don't even realize how much they talk about each other. It'll be interesting to see if Buck does the same thing when he's on his date with Tommy too.

Then Eddie shows up and if you watch Buck the whole scene once Eddie arrives he's almost exclusively watching Eddie.

(watching Eddie walk away)

Here's the difference btw in one of the few times he looks at tommy (when Tommy speaks) after Eddie show up 👇

Then at the end you have Buck make this face:

Which I think isn't so much about feeling left out as it is seeing how happy Eddie is and knowing he's not the one making him happy. Although I don't think Buck is consciously processing all of that right now but I definitely think that was a big part of it.

I think in this whole scene what's going on in Buck's head is this: 1. surprise that Eddie is there because he didn't expect him 2. Why didn't Eddie tell me he was hanging out with Tommy (I usually know everything going on with Eddie). 3. Trying to understand what he's feeling when he sees Eddie and Tommy together. 4. Feeling confused about everything. 5. Jealous that Eddie is going off with someone who isn't him but not really understanding that's what it is.

I get some people might watch that scene and say well Buck was essentially asking Tommy out on a date and then Eddie showed up an took off with him so he must be jealous that Eddie is getting to spend time with Tommy. Buck obviously has an attraction to Tommy but the person he really wants and wants to spend time with is Eddie this is further highlighted by the next scene we see them in when Buck keeps getting more and more upset over hearing about how Eddie is doing things he enjoys with someone who isn't Buck. But also in how Buck acted while at the at the hanger. He wasn't focused on Tommy. I mean have you ever been crushing on someone when they're in the room it's like no one else is. The person who Buck couldn't take his eyes off of was Eddie.

-------

Next we have the sewer rescue scene with Ravi. (We really need more Ravi and Buddie scenes btw I love them together) We have Buddie working together as per usual. Highlighting like in the Bachelor scene how well they work together which they always do.

You have Buck telling the story from the pilot about when he saved that baby in the wall and Eddie smiling fondly like a typical spouse who has heard that story a million times.

While they're working Buck is spending the whole call trying to find out what Eddie was up to when he went to Vegas.

Buck is asking a million questions which implies that Eddie hasn't told him yet about the trip. This goes back to the helicopter scene where Buck didn't know Eddie was spending time with Tommy and is really starting to feel left out. Again this isn't really about Tommy or Buck feeling like he's missing out on spending time with Tommy it's Buck feeling like he's missing out on Eddie's life.

Buck calls out the similarities between Eddie and Tommy

Although he's still clueless that this is what is primarily causing him to be drawn to Tommy. More than anything this was for the audience to again say in case you didn't catch it by now Tommy is like Eddie. They want to keep reminding us of this before the kiss so we know Buck is going to date someone who is like his best friend.

Also want to point out that while Buck is talking about Tommy to Eddie the camera shakes at points so we feel Buck's nerves. He's nervous to hear what Eddie has to say about Tommy.

Also the whole conversation about "naked men pummeling each other" and Eddie saying that he was wrestling with Tommy. Like I'm sorry but not one ounce of that convo felt heterosexual.

I've seen someone say that Buck's jealousy must have been about Tommy because Buck isn't even interested in the things Eddie and Tommy were doing together like Muay Thai and basketball etc but you can hear/see Buck getting more and more hurt as he and Eddie talk because Eddie is sharing parts of himself with someone else.

I feel like there's multiple reasons why Eddie and Buck haven't been spending as much time together. I mean yeah Eddie made a new friend but for the longest time it's been BuckandEddie like peas in a pod in work and outside. But I think the end of season six played a role in some of that changing

At the end of last season they were both dating someone else and they had both gone through some major trauma with Buck literally dying for 3+ minutes. We know that seriously affected Buck but the show didn't touch on how I know it must have affected Eddie. If you watch the scene (from 7x01) where Buck talks to Chris and we see Eddie's reaction in the hall when Chris talks about how everyone leaves. I can't help but think Buck's brush with death made Eddie think of Shannon and how scared he is to lose another person he loves or worse put Chris through that.

Not to mention what Buck said in the cemetery how he felt like Natalia this woman he had known for less than a minute saw him better than anyone. I feel like all of that combined made Eddie distance himself a little even if he wasn't doing it totally consciously.

There's also the fact that I think Buck has kind of taken Eddie for granted a little. We find out later in the ep that Eddie had asked Buck to play basketball with him many times but he'd always turned him down. I also got the impression in this ep that Eddie has all these hobbies that he was sharing with Tommy when he would have rather been doing them with Buck (he was so excited when Buck showed up on the basketball court).

And I'm not saying Buck doesn't love Eddie or hasn't tried hard to be there for Eddie and Chris over the years but it's something that happens in relationships sometimes. You think the person is always going to be there and you get distracted with life stuff.

This combined with things Oliver has been saying in interviews about how Buck is going to have to put in work for his next relationship. How Buck has always gotten whatever person he wanted mostly and I can't help but wonder if that's going to play a role in how Buddie is developed. Is Buck going to have to prove to Eddie how much he means to him?

This part of the scene if no other really lets you know it's about Eddie and not Tommy. We can see how Buck is looking at Eddie when he says I do I really do and we feel all these intense emotions from him more than would make sense for the brief amount of time he's known Tommy. He's clearly thinking of when he met Eddie.

These are really just the baby steps of Buck recognizing how deeply he feels for Eddie. Because right here he's thinking that he thought their connection and place in each other's lives was special and unique to every one else they knew but then he hears Eddie talk like that and thinks maybe he was the only one who felt that way. Maybe he's easily replaced in Eddie's life.

----

So Buck goes to talk about his feelings on everything with Maddie. Tbh I wasn't thrilled with how they did the Buck and Maddie scenes in this ep. Though I do think we're going to get more of a heart to heart with the two of them in future eps when Buck officially comes out. I just feel like Buck needed someone to really listen to him and Maddie was a little dismissive both times he talked to her. I also really want someone to try to ask Buck about his feelings for Eddie.

It's kind of crazy to me how no one in the 118 has ever really brought up the fact of how close Buck and Eddie are. Maddie has said the whole "boy crush" thing and that elf mistook them for being married but what I mean is you know the 118 sees how they are. Look at when Eddie was shot. It was assumed automatically that Buck was going to be the one to talk to Chris because they knew how close Buck and Eddie are and how they're essentially raising Chris together. This is how people talk about someone's spouse not just their friend.

Back to the convo with Maddie

Buck is complaining to Maddie about Eddie and Tommy. His feelings in that scene don't come across like he's unaware of some attraction he has to Tommy or like he's trying to hide feelings for him. He comes across as hurt, and frustrated, and confused that this new person has moved in on his place in Eddie and Chris' life.

Again I'm not saying Buck doesn't have an attraction to Tommy but I do think Tommy is a distraction more than anything. I think Buck is focusing on him rather than looking at the entire situation. Instead of asking himself why does it matter if your friend has a new friend? Why does it matter if Eddie spends time with new people? Why does it matter if Eddie shares parts of himself with someone else parts he might not be sharing with you?

----

Then of course there's the gym scene at the firehouse. I've seen people say Buck thought Eddie was on the phone with Tommy. And maybe he did. But you expect me to believe he was upset and jealous over Tommy and because Eddie was getting to talk to him and his way of dealing with that was to try and get Eddie's attention through lifting weights and pointing his dick at him. o_o

Literally sitting up in the middle of lifting weights so he can see if Eddie is looking over at him.

Nothing about this scene is telling the audience that Buck is thinking about Tommy. It's saying he wants Eddie's attention.

This scene is actually very similar to what happened at the hanger

Buck saw Eddie looking incredibly happy and he wasn't the one making him happy. Eddie also wasn't sharing what's been going on in his life with Buck. Buck felt shut out and ignored from the one person who he's been the closet with for years. Even when they've had girlfriends it's clear Buck and Eddie have been close and connected in ways they never were with anyone else. Buck is scared he's losing that.

If the show wanted us to believe that the scene was about Buck and Tommy and Buck's growing attraction to Tommy there are so many different things they could have done to highlight that. Have Tommy ask Eddie about Buck (if that even was who Eddie was talking to) and have Eddie tell Buck he was talking to Tommy maybe direct a question from Tommy to Buck. They also at the least could have said that's who Eddie was talking to and they didn't even do that. They could have had Buck ask Eddie hey is that Tommy? But they didn't because the scene wasn't really about Tommy it's about Buck's feelings for Eddie that he still hasn't fully come to terms with yet.

Buck buys a basketball literally has it sent to the firehouse so Eddie can see him with it and hopefully ask him to go play basketball with him. Because remember he's feeling left out of Eddie's life. It's not like he asked Tommy to play basketball or asks Eddie if he can go with him to the court in hopes of seeing Tommy. No he wants Eddie to invite him. He wants to know Eddie wants him there.

Watch how Buck acts even when he's opening the basketball. He's trying to do it quickly and even while he's doing that he's looking over to Eddie to try and get his attention.

Also someone on twitter pointed out that in season 3 it was shown in Buck's loft that he already had a ball. My head canon is that he still has that ball and the lunatic that he is he just bought a whole new one and had it sent to the firehouse so eddie would see him with it. 🤦‍♀️

---

Next is the infamous basketball court scene where I knew the minute I heard "basketball beard" and playing with the boys and other Top Gun references that canon bi Buck was a go.

Similar to the hanger scene Buck's attention is almost exclusively on Eddie through the whole scene.

Oh I'd also like to point out that both times that Eddie was with Tommy in this ep he was wearing sunglasses particularly when the two of them were side by side. I feel like it's the shows way of saying that Buck is not seeing Eddie right now and he's not connecting with his true feelings for Eddie.

I know Oliver is good at basketball but I couldn't help but laugh when they included that shot of him spinning the ball. Like we're meant to believe Buck doesn't play how did he learn to do that 🤦‍♀️

If the basketball scene had really been about Buck wanting Tommy's attention or being jealous that Eddie was getting Tommy's attention Buck wouldn't have been spending the entire time trying to get Eddie's attention. He also would have been competing with Eddie for Tommy's attention and he wasn't he was trying to get Eddie to notice him because he felt like all Eddie was doing was focusing on Tommy.

You can watch Buck get progressively more upset through the game as he feels like Eddie is competing against him and partnering with someone else when for so long that's been his role on and off the court. It's been Buddie against the world.

Also there's a moment when Buck runs into Tommy but the show never plays it as some kind of moment between the two. I mean they had more of a moment on the boat after the cruise ship when Buck patted Tommy's shoulder. But like according to some this is supposed to be the episode Buck is all into Tommy but that's just not present most of the episode.

Buck immediately knows he's fucked up after Eddie is hurt. I've seen people say why wasn't he running to help him but I've been in a similar situation like that where you're so stunned that you did something to cause someone you cared about to be hurt you can't even move.

Then as soon as Buck wants to try and help Tommy swoops in and says he'll take Eddie to the hospital. Taking care of Eddie has been Buck's job for a long long time. Think about how he saved Eddie during the shooting and took care of him and Chris. Also he took care of them during Eddie's mental health crisis. Buck is feeling like Eddie doesn't need him anymore.

Here's another thing I want to bring up about the basketball scene. Like I keep saying people have said that a lot of Buck's motivations in this ep were about Tommy. I'm sorry but you don't have those kind of strong emotions over someone you just met. Even if his emotions were that he had a crush on Tommy and felt like Eddie was taking all Tommy's time away. If Buck behaved that way from a simple crush on a guy he barely knew I would think he'd lost his mind. No he reacted the way he did because all of these feelings (that he's just now scratching the surface of dealing with) are connected to Eddie someone who means everything to him.

Remember too that Oliver said in his interviews that Buck doesn't even know why he's jealous or who or what it's about. Which is why I think even by the end of the episode when Buck thinks he's figured some things out there's still a lot he's missing.

----

The second Maddie scene

I definitely agree with what others have said that unfortunately Maddie's words here only served to further confuse Buck. What he was feeling was not just being left out and excluded from this friend but mostly jealous over a man he loves being all excited to spend so much time with someone else. Buck was jealous and scared of someone taking his place in Eddie's life and doesn't really know how to process that.

Oh and for people who say he wasn't jealous over Eddie he literally says he was to Maddie.

Buck admits he was trying to get Eddie's attention which like I said in the basketball scene you can see because Eddie is all Buck is focused on.

----------

Then of course we have the end scene with Buck and Tommy.

First we get the opening shot where Buck answers the door. And before he even answers we the audience are made to think it's going to be Eddie and made to think Buck also thinks it's going to be Eddie. Because all of the tension that's been between them in the ep hasn't been resolved and Buck hasn't talked about how he's been feeling to Eddie at all. So we're left waiting for that resolution.

Instead however when Buck opens the door it's Tommy

One thing I didn't mention earlier was that the show has made it a point to have Tommy only call Buck Evan. I've seen a number of theories people have for why this is, personally I think it's a reminder to the audience that Tommy for all his similarities isn't Eddie. Like they give us all these signs that say look Eddie and Tommy are so much the same but everytime you hear Tommy say Evan so casually like that you remember they're different.

Eddie who knows the real Buck only ever calls him that and it's only on the rare serious occasion does he use Buck's real name. Maddie is similar. It's like when Ana called Eddie Edmundo. These people have an idea of who Buck and Eddie are but they they don't know all the little intricate pieces that's something Buck and Eddie only have with one another.

So Buck is smiling and laughing (somewhat out of embarrassment for how he behaved on the basketball court) but watch his body language at even the mention of someone replacing him in Eddie's life:

I find it extremely foreshadowing of what's to come with Buddie that the show chose to have Tommy and Buck spend most of the time before their first kiss even right down to the seconds before it talking about Eddie and even talked about him afterwards. I mean if you didn't want your audience shipping a ship or giving them hope it was going to happen would you do that?

Buck not only talks about Eddie before the kiss he talks about how great he is and brings up memories of their past. Almost like someone talking about an ex they're still in love with. Like you're trying to move on but you can't help what your heart wants.

Like I said above I fully believe that when Tommy said "my attention" he knew that Buck is all about Eddie. Buck's response being "I guess" is even more telling because it shows his confusion. I definitely think that when Buck and Tommy break up (or however far they get in their dating) that we'll get some kind of confirmation that Tommy always knew Buck and Eddie were in love.

I think a lot of the stuff Buck talks about in this scene is him trying in the moment to make sense of the confusing way he's been feeling. I do think he's attracted to and likes Tommy but there is also a whole host of other feelings he has that really were the main motivating factors into why he acted the way he did in this episode.

The last time Buck was with someone and there was an I love you it was with Taylor and it was like Buck just went along in that relationship because he felt like he was supposed to. Buck and Eddie are similar in that way. They have this amazing love and bond with one another but there's a reason besides the fact that they're both guys that they keep avoiding really confronting their feelings. They're scared. They're scared to loose what they have. They're scared to change it. They're scared of fucking it up like they believe they have their past relationships. Scared of so many things. So they just kind of side step it at every turn.

The show mentioning Eddie right before the scene ends is one of the biggest indicators that this is all leading to Buddie.

If the episode was really just a misdirect where Buck was really into Tommy all along they wouldn't have made the last scene so Eddie heavy and especially not the last bit of dialogue about Eddie. The last few lines are what you're leaving the audience with until the next episode and the words they left us with are about Eddie (and Buck) so we're meant to focus on them.

If you read all this thank you ❤️. This post took me forever (which would be why it's getting posted a full week after the ep >_< ) please reblog if you like it. Can't wait for the ep tonight.

[luminousbeings-crudematter]

Should you write it? Uh, please do!😭🥴😩 as a corporate girlie I would love me some Office!Ghost tbh, maybe you’re from another agency working intel on a joint operation w 141 and he gets a kick our of teasing you bc you’re such a stark contrast with your cute lil briefcase and the business casual dresses, totally not used to working literally on site surrounded by all these military/law enforcement men you usually do work for behind the scenes in the safety of your office

PAIRING: Office! Ghost/Co-Worker! Ghost x F! Reader 

WARNINGS: that particular kind of tacit sexual tension you find in corporate Britain || sexy eye contact from across the bullpen || filthy language || 18+ only

A/N:  corporate girlies unite! || anon is referring to this post || i tried to do the prompt as it was but realised that I know nothing about how the military works :) but this is fiction, so we ball, I hope you like it anon! I have no idea where this fic going, please help :)))

Part 1 of 4 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4

***

It starts simple before it gets complicated, as these things tend to do.

There are exactly two things that keep you motivated in this job—the smoke breaks you take 5 times a day, and the off-chance of seeing Ghost around the base.  That’s it.  Two things.

And one of those was being ruined by your newest friend’s lack of enthusiasm for the other thing.

“I bet he's blond.”

Simon just takes a deep drag of his cigarette, looking at you with the distinctively irritated side eye that he gives you about 12 times a day.

“Ask me why I think he's blond.”

“No.”

But you’re undeterred.  “He just has that energy, you know.  I’ve only ever seen him with MacTavish, and he stands there like a tall, sexy, dumb…tree.  Like, I bet he’s fucking gorgeous, but he’s also giving blond himbo.”

Simon’s eyes roll up to the sky in irritation.  “I dunno what himbo means.”

“Yeah you do.  You said you’ve worked with Ghost before.”

You almost want to perform a pirouette in joy at getting Simon to finally look at you.  “N’ what of it?”

“Then you know what a himbo is.  It’s Ghost.”

You don’t even try to contain your manic laughter when Simon just about turns and leaves.         

***

What Simon doesn’t understand (the cantankerous bastard) is that you’ve made eye contact with Ghost a few times around the base.  The man is more elusive than average, even in this line of work.  His presence around the base is...well.  Entirely consistent with his moniker.  The man is a ghost.  

Sometimes you wonder if it’s all really performative, but something about the way he moves in the spaces around him leads you to conclude that maybe he’s omnipresent after all.  He'll catch your attention from the periphery of your vision, only to disappear when you try to actively seek him out.  He melts into the background of wherever he looms, like a shadow. (Or a Ghost).  There and not there, all at once.

And on the rare occasions you’ve seen him around, he keeps to himself.  Not surprising, given everything you know about him (which isn't a lot), but what is interesting to you is the way he looks at you.  And when he’s around, he does look at you.

You can't say you mind, considering you look at him too.  Even after all these years working with big, handsome, massive men and women, day in and day out, you still can't say you've gotten used to it.  And you could never be used to someone like Ghost.  

But then there’s Simon.  The other man you’re finding yourself increasingly attracted to.  

They tell you he’s only there temporarily and as punishment.  You can't even begin to imagine who could (and would even dare to) punish the big grump.  You don’t actually know why he’s being punished with desk duty, and even if you wanted to, you have no way of finding out.  He won’t tell you, and neither will your supervisor. 

More importantly, you decide, you couldn’t care less. 

Simon’s punishment means that your week has suddenly become very, very interesting.  The mood around the office is different while Simon sits at your absentee colleague’s desk.  People are quieter around him—uneasy and the slightest bit put off by his brutish nature. But you can’t deny that there is something about Simon, something you can’t quite seem to put your finger on.  The man is just...effortlessly sexy.  

You sit across the room from him, but facing him, and so every time you look up, he’s there.  The height of the desks combined with the height of this mammoth man mean that you can’t see his entire face, but his eyes stick out from the top of the desk partition, and it’s enough to create…issues for you. 

Five days ago, when you'd walked into the office, and noticed a stranger on Davis’ seat, you hadn't actually known it was him.  He was just...some guy.  A nose that looked like it had spent more time being broken than not, wicked scars running down his face and into his lips, mean-looking but with the most expressive brown eyes.  And then your supervisor introduced him to your team as Simon.  And that was it.  Thus had begun your love affair with permanent arousal. 

You must be one of Pavlov’s dogs with how you’ve been conditioned to associate the feeling of his eyes on your face with wetness between your legs.  It’s mercilessly constant and you’re left feeling achy and unsatisfied every day, having to content yourself with rubbing your thighs together for some much needed relief.  And through it all, Simon just watches you.

You know he’s interested.  And he must know of your reciprocity, because your traitor face gives it away, and because his interest is quickly replaced by smugness.  

During a brief stint of temporary insanity, you consider confronting him about it.  But what would you even say?   So sorry, Simon, you big, scary, grouch, but would you just please hit this and we can both call it a day and I can move on to making heart eyes at Ghost again? Hehe, no.

But you’re stubborn to a fault, so you befriend him (albeit with you doing most of the hard work in your “friendship”) and downplay your attraction, while he pretends he doesn’t spend most of the day making bedroom eyes at you.  Win-win.

And if you end up carrying an extra pair of panties in your purse, then it’s not like he needs to know about it.

****

Taglist: @devcica || @kneelingshadowsalome || @tiredmetalenthusiast || @xintothewoodswegox || @miyabilicious ||

[misc-obeyme]

Okay, Lesson 24. Honestly what do I even say about it other than the cliffhanger nearly took me out?

Fine, fine, spoilers below the cut, I'm gonna have to say something lol.

Okay this is a shortish one, but here I am!

I'm kind of glad they had Lucifer being the teacher in this lesson. Diavolo kind of made it sound like it's a temporary thing for right now before they officially start RAD, but like you can't tell me that guy is a student. I don't believe it!

The best part of that whole thing was Diavolo responding cheerfully to the brothers' complaints.

Also is this the first time that Lucifer does this with someone's name other than Mammon?!

I honestly can't remember. Lucifer you sound ridiculous lol.

Right, but anyway. I didn't write a post for the last lesson because I was out of time, sorry Mammon. But we got a pact with our boy and of course he was the first because it couldn't possibly be anybody else, right?

And now Asmo's acting up, which means we're not going in the OG order. I wonder if there's a reason for that or if it was just like... Mammon is first, Lucifer is last and we can mix everybody else up? 'Cause if Lucifer isn't last, I'll be surprised.

So uh... Solomon in this lesson, though... and then Barbatos shows up... and oh my gosh. The whole later part of this lesson was just me freaking out the whole time because I LOVE THEM so much.

Solomon being protective of MC despite being less powerful than normal? Barbatos just absolutely shutting everything down the second he gets there? Barbatos then telling Solomon how he's still upset with him? Both of them putting aside their issues for a minute to help MC find Little D No 5? MC being like nope you guys are intolerable, let's talk about this? THE CLIFFHANGER????

I was actually really surprised when Lucifer was like, go to Solomon! I was like hang on what? You want me to get Solomon? I don't understand. And then Lucifer was like y'know 'cause of his pact with Asmo! And then I was like ooooohhhh okay yeah that tracks.

And our boy Sol can sense MC's presence? Now I headcanon that he reads auras, too. Of course he can. Of course he does. I love him.

Oh nothing, just my true love serving all the sass.

This man. He has also said (in an event I believe it was or maybe a Devilgram?) that he wants MC to scold him. Like sir...

Anyway, due to the fact that there was so much of Solomon and Barbatos in this lesson, I very much enjoyed it. I also love Asmo, though I am concerned about his current state. I actually liked the WW conference call the others had, though. It's so sweet that Beel was watching over Asmo while he was sleeping. Precious babies!

BUT THAT CLIFFHANGER THO.

[barclaysangel]

A Siren’s Embrace; Chapter 5: Connection of the Sea

Here's chapter 5, y'all! Aaaand the last chapter for now because I haven't finished chapter 6. My brain is all over the place, doing homework, starting my masters program in less than 3 weeks, AND got a new sapphic story idea that involves witches. So...yeah. I'm a mess. Buuuuut, hopefully you guys like this chapter. It's more angsty than the other chapters and once again, I projected so much of myself and my family life into Nika and her family. So things that are said near the end are things that happened in my real life. It's fine, I'll live. But please comment, comments make me feel happy and I hope to one day get back into this story because I do have ideas for further chapters, I just can't figure out a proper ending. I still hope y'all like this story though.

Thank you and enjoy :)

Word count: 2K

Tags: @streets-in-paradise @king-of-wicked

Nika’s world was falling apart. 

At least that’s what it felt like to her. 

Her world felt like it was slowly dissipating, crumbling, going to turn to dust and vanish at any given moment. She knew her parents loved her, wanted the best for her and all. But if she had to hear about how she needed to get her shit together and figure out what she wanted to do in life one more time, she’s going to explode. 

Whether that be in rage or depression was unclear and would end up being a surprise to Nika and everyone around her. 

She knew she should figure out what the hell she wanted to do. But for fuck’s sake, she just graduated high school. Nika’s going to a community college close by to figure out what she wanted to major in, what she felt connected to because high school certainly didn’t create any connections. But she knows her father would prefer it if she figured it out now and went straight into a university. 

But…she couldn’t. Nika didn’t know what she wanted to do yet, she was barely 18 years old. She just needed some time to figure it out before condemning herself to a path where she would feel complacent or self-loathing. 

Is that really too much to ask? 

“Nika?” Pearl said her name, snapping the human out of her thoughts, a small look of concern in her sea green eyes. “Okay? You are quiet. Sad. Why are you quiet and sad?” 

Nika put on a smile and shook her head. “Sorry, I’m just distracted. I’m okay, you don’t need to worry. I’m not sad.” 

“Yes you are,” Pearl replied quickly as she stared so deeply at Nika, “I can feel it. Your sadness. It is strong. I feel your sadness.”

Is it possible for mermaids to just feel what you’re feeling? She wondered silently. Maybe. There was still so much that Nika didn’t know about humans yet, she wouldn’t entirely be surprised. Sometimes it felt like Pearl was staring so deep into the human’s soul, discovering all of her deepest and darkest secrets. 

It must be an effect that the mermaid has on her, that’s all. 

Nika didn’t say anything for a moment, her mouth opening and then closing before just shaking her head as she looked away. “I’ll be okay. Really. It’s…hard to explain anyway, you really don’t need to worry about it.” 

“I worry,” Pearl said, once again without any hesitation, “you are sad. You are in pain. In here,” She pressed a wet finger to Nika’s chest, right where her heart is, “and in here.” Her finger moved to the center of the human’s forehead. 

She didn’t really know what to say at first, looking away again until the mermaid rested her hand on her shoulder. “Speak to me…please?” 

Something about Pearl was truly persuasive, even when there was no siren song used. There was something gentle about her touch, the look in her eyes, that felt like maybe, just maybe, she could understand. 

“It’s…hard. To talk about. To explain. No one else really understands except my friends but…it’s not fair to burden them with these problems. My parents…they’re tough. Sometimes too tough. I’m their only child and they want the best for me but…it’s too much. It feels like I can’t breathe around them. It…it feels like I’m drowning.” 

Pearl tilted her head slightly. “You are not drowning. I saved you.”

Nika couldn’t help but to smile a little, despite how she was feeling at the moment. “Not drowning literally. Just…feeling. In here and here,” she pointed to her own chest and head, “it feels like I’m drowning and I can’t breathe. It’s too much and they just don’t get it. They don’t see it. I…I don’t think they ever will. I just…I feel so alone here…” 

The human didn’t even know why she was unloading like this in front of Pearl. The mermaid would truly never understand those pressures and there was nothing that could be done. Nothing would change, Nika had accepted it a long time ago. Didn’t make it hurt any less, but it was something she just needed to get over. 

Yet here Pearl was, frowning, looking as if she was upset on Nika’s behalf. Like she had been the one who was wronged. Finally, the mermaid spoke, “I have a gift for you. Stay, please?” The human barely had time to nod before Pearl flung herself into the ocean. 

Maybe you freaked her out. Congrats, stupid, you weirded out a mermaid with your pathetic family issues. She thought to herself and she ran both of her hands over her face and up through her hair, trying to block out the pessimistic voice. 

Nika took a few deep breaths to push back the tears that were threatening to expose themselves in her eyes before the green-eyed mermaid came back, her blue tail swishing in the water, and holding out a rather large conch shell to the human. 

This wasn’t Pearl’s first gift of seashells at all. She had given her many that now reside in Nika’s room, all of which she had claimed to her parents that she found from her recent trips to the beach. But this was certainly the largest one, barely fitting in both of the mermaid’s hands. 

Huh…receiving gifts must be Pearl’s love language.

“Oh, Pearl…it’s beautiful,” Nika said softly before carefully taking the conch shell from her, holding it in her own hands, “you didn’t need to give this to me.”

“I did.” Pearl replied before she pulled herself onto the rock, sitting right beside the human with their shoulders now touching. “Shell is strong. Shiny. Beautiful. You are strong. Shiny. Beautiful. You are my seashell.”

Nika wasn’t quite sure what Pearl meant by the last part, but either way, it made her heart flutter from the compliments. She was sure that this was the mermaid’s way to try and cheer her up and in a way, it worked. 

She really did appreciate the sentiment, even if it was a bit out of the ordinary. 

Oh, what the hell, she was friends with a fucking mermaid. It’s been out of the ordinary for a long time. 

“Thank you. Really. I…I appreciate it,” Nika said with a soft smile as she held the conch close to her, “I’m at my happiest whenever I see you. You just…make me feel better.” 

Her confession caused Pearl to smile more and got a certain glint in her eyes, as if she had decided on something. “I will see you more. I will make you happy.” 

The human didn’t have time to question her on that before she realized how late it was and that she needed to go home soon, promising Pearl that she would try and see her again tomorrow. 

Nika almost wished that she hadn’t gone home when she did arrive, because the questions on her whereabouts were thrown again. 

“I went to the beach. I wanted to get some fresh air, it’s gonna be weird not going to school for a while.” She threw out her excuse to them, thankful that having overprotective parents caused her to be pretty decent when it came to lying. 

“You’ve been going out to the beach so often, Annika” Her mother started to tell her, “you need to be more careful. Maybe you should be staying inside some more, especially with what happened to Erickson recently.” 

Nika knew exactly what her mother was referring to. Erickson was an old and irritating man, someone who often spent his time harassing preteen girls and throwing his beer bottles or other garbage into the ocean. Nika would clean up after him whenever she saw his trash and throw them away properly. She was never fond of him but since they lived close by, she just tried to steer clear from him and pay him no mind. 

It would be a lot easier now since Erickson’s body was found just a couple of days ago on the shores of the beach. Well, rather what was left of him. From what Nika had heard, he had been mauled apart. She had to sneak around to the other side of the beach to see Pearl because of all the caution tape around and trying to investigate the scene. 

“Erickson was a drunk who probably decided to go swimming in the middle of the ocean and got attacked by a shark. Or maybe some other wild animal, who knows,” She told both of her parents with a nonchalant look on her face, “I’m very careful whenever I go, okay? I don’t go too far into the ocean when I go surfing or swimming. Really, I’m not going to die.”

Let’s just forget about the part where you did drown when you went surfing and only survived because of a mermaid, they certainly didn’t need to know about that.

“That doesn’t matter, you need to be more careful. I don’t even know what you do at the beach, you should be doing more exercise so you can lose weight.” Her father told her suddenly, even pointedly staring at her stomach. 

If Nika could scream from the top of her lungs without facing any repercussions, she absolutely would at that very moment. 

If she had a dollar for every fucking time her father or both her parents mentioned her weight in a negative manner, she would’ve skipped town, left Neptune Bay in the rearview mirror, because she’d be a fucking billionare. 

Nika wasn’t skinny. If she thought hard about it, she hadn’t been skinny since she was in kindergarten. She was chubby but she tried to not let it bother her. She tried to own up to her curves and find the beauty within herself, the beauty that Jay and Lucy point out all the time. 

But then her parents’ open their mouths with their opinions and all that self-confidence goes straight down the drain. 

Don’t you see what you’re fucking doing to me? You’re killing me. You’re. Fucking. Killing. Me. I want to hurt myself because of you, don’t you understand that? Just fucking look at me and understand that you make me hate myself!

Despite her boiling emotions, Nika didn’t say a word. She forced a smile like she always did, pretending to let her father’s comments roll down her back, and walked into her room. 

Her self-hatred bubbled inside of her, wanting so badly to cry. To hurt herself. Scratch and punch her stomach like she sometimes did when the words became too much. But this time, Nika held it in. She pulled the conch shell from her bag, holding it close to her chest as if it was a teddy bear, and rocked herself slightly as she sat on her bed. 

Strong. Shiny. Beautiful. That’s what Pearl said I am. Strong. Shiny. Beautiful. Maybe she sees something in me that no one else has seen before and we’ve only known each other for a few weeks. To her, I’m strong and shiny and beautiful. Pearl makes me feel happy and special. 

Nika tried to hang onto those words that the mermaid said to her. She ate less than usual for dinner and was more quiet, faking laughs and conversations to avoid suspicion, but that was all. Just enough for her parents to not get on her case again. 

She kept it all inside until she went to bed, clutching onto her precious pearl necklace and cried her heart out. Nika let her tears soak her pillow, fully prepared to cry herself to sleep like she’s done plenty of times before. 

Although she couldn’t quite fall asleep. She woke up multiple times throughout the knife, experiencing random pains throughout her body, most prominent in the lower half. Nika’s legs twitched against her will, feeling like the inside was twisting and bending. It was worse than the typical soreness she’d feel when her father forced her to go hike with him. 

She didn’t know what the hell was going on. 

Maybe she was experiencing some psychosomatic symptoms of anxiety again, but they were surely different this time. 

Eventually, exhaustion took over and Nika finally fell asleep, hoping for a better day tomorrow. 

[iamnmbr3]

❤️🧡💛

If you had to remove one major character from the series, who would you choose? What is a popular (serious) theory you disagree with? What is a popular ship you just can't get behind, and why?

1)

Oooh! Not sure! I think if Ron didn't come back or died in book 7 it could've been really interesting and would make for fodder for a nice AU. I also felt like Ginny's characterization changed a lot in book 6. I liked how she was written much better in book 5. So I wish book 5 Ginny could've been in book 6 and 7 lol. But yeah for real in general I think the characters in the series are overall interesting and dynamic and I like them and the narrative potential they have, even if I feel JKR doesn't always allow them to live up to that potential so there aren't really characters that I'd want to excise, even if there are definitely writing decisions I'd like to remove.

2)

I personally hate the theory that Regulus was forced into becoming a death eater. He literally had a little Voldemort mood board in his room. And he joined up when Voldemort was active and being pretty clear about what he stood for. Plus he seems to have liked his family - he painstakingly hand painted the Black family crest in his room. And we know from Kreacher that he very excitedly and enthusiastically talked about how wizards were going to rule over all the Muggles etc. Which isn't surprising given the family he grew up in. Acting like he was a soft uwu baby who never made any bad decisions and was forced into everything robs the character of agency and makes him far more shallow and less nuanced than he is. Which is such a shame. Because Regulus is fascinating. Let characters make mistakes and suffer the consequences. Let characters be flawed. Let characters be hypocritical and complex and interesting!

Something else that I don't feel as strongly about but am a bit iffy on is the idea that Harry literally became the Master of Death in the end of the series. Look, I've read some great and compelling meta on Master of Death Harry and I've also seen some fics that do it well. But generally speaking, it's not an interpretation I enjoy. I tend to prefer the idea of the Hallows as very powerful magical objects with a lot of mythology around them. (And possibly some connection to the Veil in the Death Chamber which may be what the "bridge" between life and death in the story is based on).

In general though I'm not thrilled with like the idea of them actually being three things that if united literally give the user power over life and death. To me that feels just a bit op to the point of being underwhelming (yes I understand I am saying this about the series with a magic luck potion and time turners). It's just narratively kind of uninteresting and unsatisfying to me and it feels way too abrupt to introduce it so late in the series since it fundamentally changes the world building, feel of the story and style of magic we see in the series. And it's just...usually not that cool to me. Plus, I don't think it's even really especially supported by the cannon. I think JKR's intent was to leave it ambiguous or even to hint that there is no such thing as a true Master of Death, and in this case I think she did a decent job of executing on that intent. That's just my read though.

3)

This is hard for me to answer because I'm very much of a ship and let ship mindset even when I don't personally back something. One ship that I haven't yet found content for that I enjoy is dramione. I've nothing against it, but I feel like a lot of dramione fic tends to reduce Hermione to a Mary Sue and get rid of all her complexity and flaws and rough edges, which is a shame. I feel the same about a lot of tomione fics too, which is also a shame because Hermione has a bit of a ruthless streak that could be very interesting to explore in that context if done right. Maybe I just haven't found the right fics tho. Also in canon, Lupin/Tonks. Just what? It always felt like it came out of nowhere to me and didn't feel like it had enough buildup to make sense. It always felt very weird and random and jarring to me.

[eddiescorrodedcoffin86]

Eddie Munson x Secret Metalhead Reader Headcanon ft. your first kiss

Suggested by the lovely @crazygalore 🥰 sorry it took so long I work so much now🙃

Eddie Munson Masterlist

Other Masterlists

You looked nothing like a typical metalhead: you didn’t wear black, or chains, or pins of your bands. It was something you kept a secret, like this bonus side to your natural personality.

I’m talking pastel skirts, frilly tops, and fluffy pastel sweaters. Your wardrobe was 90% pastels, 5% sequins, and 5% black.

Complete sunshine disposition and everything: you speak to squirrels, birds, any time creature you cross paths with on your way to and from school (which you walk for the sake of speaking to tiny animals)

So, of course, when Eddie had gone to your house for the first time, your room hadn’t been a surprise: decorated with more pastels and sequins and frilly drapes and blankets.

What was a surprise was your little music station. He saw a Tears for Fears tape, a Blondie tape, and then underneath that was the kicker. Neatly hidden away from your parents and other visitors’ wandering eyes there were some familiar tapes, and a couple vinyls hidden away between the wall and your nightstand.

He lets out this loud scream that scares the ever loving shit out of you and makes you drop the textbook you were holding as you turn around to look at him.

“YOU’VE GOT “KILL ‘EM ALL” ON VINYL?!” You blinked rapidly and looked at him and then the vinyl in his hands. “Um… yeah.” You shifted a little.

You didn’t know why you were nervous about Eddie finding out you listened to rock music, you’d been so careful to keep it a secret for so long, and he’d busted you within five seconds of being in your room.

Of course, Eddie didn’t judge, instead he got this excited little kid look on his face as he asked if he could put it on. “We’re supposed to study…. But…. Okay.” The smile on his face had grown three sizes as he rushed over to your record player and put it on.

It wasn’t long before the two of you were having a headbanging contest, sitting criss-cross from one another. Eddie insists he won but you're almost positive it was you.

After a "heated" argument about who won, you fell back on the bed. "So- I've got a question." He turned over on his side once you'd both caught your breath and you repeated the action. "What is it?"

"I know all the stigma around it but.. why hide the fact that you like heavy metal?" He chuckled softly as you shrugged a little. "Partially because of my parents... they would freak out if they saw even one Metallica tape or record, I don't want to imagine what they'd do if they saw a whole collection... other than that im not sure, i mean, im trying to make my highschool experience as easygoing as i possibly can... keeping my head down and blending in is the best way to do that... can't blend in if I'm constantly blabbering about my love for 'Kill 'em All'... I’d like to be more expressive about it but… maybe I’m scared.” You shrugged a little.

No one had ever listened so intently when you spoke. But Eddie… Eddie was completely tuned in, staring directly into your eyes, giving you all of his attention. He seemed to understand where you were coming from. “Well… probably wise you keep it from your parents if they’re as weird about it as you say.” He’d hate for you to get in trouble over something as trivial as music. “As for the school thing… Y’know I guess I get it.. people at school are pretentious… but on the other hand… that goes against.. like everything I stand for so obviously I think you should be a little more open about it at school.”

You considered what he said, it made sense. “You don’t have to constantly talk about it to make your interest known. Of course, you don’t have to say it at all, really. Carry your favorite tapes around, you’d be surprised how relaxed you’ll feel knowing your favorite songs are on hand.” You hummed in thought and nodded slowly, you were pretty loose with your backpack, it would be easy for someone to come across the tapes, and then you could casually mention they were good and not say anything else.

On the outside looking in the idea seemed stupid, why have to carry it at all? But you were tired of pretending to only like Madonna or Michael Jackson, or whoever was popular at the time. So it made sense. You shrugged and nodded. “Yeah… I guess you’re right.” You smiled softly and kissed his cheek. “I’m gonna start doing that…”

Eddie nodded and then hummed. “Y’know- you could also… sit with the club at lunch if you Uh… ever need a break from your friends or whatever.” He was trying so hard to sound casual, but there was this hopeful tone in his voice that you found completely endearing. “Tomorrow?” You suggested, which obviously surprised him because his eyes widened and then he smiled widely. “Tomorrow. Cool.”

You smiled and nodded. “Cool.”

“Cool.” “Cool.” you looked at eachother and laughed softly. “Can I ask you something else?” You giggled and nodded. “Sure, why not?”

He nodded and seemed a little more hesitant to ask this question, clearing his throat and taking just a little longer to get it out, but eventually he just nodded and spit the words out. “Can I kiss you?”

Your cheeks went bright red and you only hesitated for a second before you nodded. "Yeah." You said softly, smiling at him as you fiddled with the sleeve of your sweater.

Eddie smiled more and nodded before he sat up on his elbow, looking down at you with a softer smile before he reached up and cupped your cheek with one hand before finally leaning down to press his lips to yours.

You'd kissed guys before, but none of those could even compare to kissing Eddie. He was soft but firm, kept your head still with his hand resting on your jawbone. Rather than shoving his tongue between your lips, he coaxed them open, gave you time to pull back if you didn't want the kiss to go any further.

Instead of tangling and fighting for dominance, he worked his tongue with yours, taking note of all the noises and tiny movements you made, memorizing your reactions whenever his free hand would wander, moving away if it seemed to be too much, tightening and lingering whenever you had a positive reaction.

Kissing Eddie was... exactly like what you would imagine kissing a Greek God like Athena would be like.

Let's just say the next day, and every day after that, your signature seat was right there by Eddie (or quite literally in his lap) instead of over by your slightly snobby friends.

[princess-of-the-corner]

Speaking of the finale and Chat blanc, I still don't understand why the writers or rather ta claims that would have happened had Adrien took part in the final battle since the only reason Blanc happened was due to Gabriel learning Adrisn's identity before Adrien learned his

YEAH NO THERE'S T

There's two things that are fucky about it.

Firstly yeah Chat Blanc (and Ephemeral) only happened because Gabriel found out that Adrien is Chat Noir and used that knowledge as leverage to blindside Adrien, manipulate him, and in Ephemeral go full on to using his Amok to force him even if he resists.

SECONDLY AND MORE IMPORTANTLY:

In a hypothetical scenario where Chat Blanc and Ephemeral were a failing on /Adrien's/ part somehow. A moment of weakness at the idea of bringing his mom back, hesitation fighting Gabriel because that's his father and he loves him, whatever it is.

The answer isn't 'let's keep him out of the final fight', it's to give him the development to be able to handle it better this time around!

And the REALLY FUCKING IRONIC thing is:

We've had more time and little bits of character development since then anyway!

We have the entire arc of Season 5 addressing the dynamic with Gabriel and Adrien slowly realizing what a bastard he is and having little issue fighting against him outside of the whole Amok thing. He's fighting as best he can, he's tearing Gabriel apart figuratively and literally in Chat vs. Nightormenter. Finding out Gabriel is Monarch would not surprise him, and any last shreds of hope would be tossed out and he'd have no issue fighting him.

The Re-Verse Special addressed directly the idea of Adrien using the Wish to save his mom. He's tempted, but as easy as it would be to surprise attack Ladybug he refuses to because he doesn't want to trade that situation to someone else.

Those are 2/3 of the biggest 'issues' regarding Adrien being in the final fight solved already with what they'd written!

The trickiest one to get around is the 'Gabriel has Adrien's Amok' thing but there are so many solutions:

Gabriel never finds out Chat is Adrien and doesn't control him with the Amok

Adrien enters the final battle, only for Gabriel to use the Amok and force him to fight Ladybug. He can't resist, but LB manages to incapacitate him and we get Bugnoire

Gabriel conveniently forgets about the Amok like he did in Chat Blanc

Adrien makes the informed decision of 'I can't risk my father controlling me during this fight' and taking himself out of it 100% AWARE OF WHAT HE'S DOING

Adrien and Mari manage to get the Amok away from Gabriel. Maybe they prioritize that before grabbing the other Miraculous. Maybe they get the ring Nathalie has so they can counter Gabriel's orders. Who knows.

Adrien finds a way to break the Amok's control. Maybe it's the Power of True Love™ giving him the strength to fight against the bonds. Maybe he manages to Ella Enchanted his way out of this. Maybe it's just a 'Nuh-uh!'/'The FUCK you mean 'nuh-uh'?!" because of that whole maturing or whatever thing.

There were so many solutions on the table to let Adrien at least be aware of what's going on and participate in the final battle.

[nyaawn]

Adding to my previous 'Graphical Update and Derplander's face' post now that the benchmark has been updated, and overall it's an improvement. Rejoice user of hyur face#5, your WoL won't suddenly turn into old man anymore!

It's rather hard to take pic with similar light for ver1.1 because they had revamped their lighting placement big time, especially the indoor one. But hoo-boy ain't it look good. It register multiple light sources now? Making things like his collar and ears cast subtler shadows from different angle. They fix the fading facial hair and eyebrow too. Nice.

While face#5 regain its youthful visage, players who DO want their WoL to age can look to face#7, which retain its middle-aged-man look from previous benchmark, that stubble come complete with nasolabial folds, wrinkles, lines and all intact. Heck, you can argue that it look even more rugged now.

(note: When the first DT benchmark released I was on break from playing XIV and didn't have access to in-game Character Creator, so I used EW benchmark for comparison pics on my previous post and the updated ones above. They were captured on PC and labeled from patch 6.0. Since then I had subbed again, so part of pics below was taken from current-build CC, captured on PS5 and labeled from patch 6.5. I thought it wouldn't differ much, but 6.0's shadow is much darker compared to current (6.5) build. Huh. Is it because of different hardware? Different setting? Benchmark fault? Idk)

Yep. Same face structure, different direction. One brings youth, one brings the age. Two-toned echoes tumbling through update.... Well, anyway, they did a good job distinguishing face#7 from #5 with this graphic update. And it's nice to have more options. People who like this face type (and it feels almost every male hyur player use this one) but want 20s or youthful 30-something WoL can go with face#5. Those who don't mind 40s or 30-something-who-spend-too-much-of-his-life-standing-one-millimeter-from-blazing-inferno-or-toxic-fumes-AoE-too-keep-his-uptime-resulting-in-rough-skin WoL can go with face#7. That's me and I'm happy with this update. I just wish we can turn that stubble on and off without need of fanta($$), like every other facial hair options... But I guess that ship has sailed.

Looking at updated benchmark cutscene itself, there's improved lighting but all in all the change is minimal imo. And I'm sad to say that villain-esque eyeliner I mentioned in previous post is still there. Not as thick as previous, but still appear anytime I use hairstyle with bangs that drop shade on his eyes. Sigh maybe I should use that new DT hair afterall...? But ngl I don't really like it...

Don't get me wrong, it's great! ....It just doesn't compliment this face type.. On my previous post I wrote about how they add highlight to this face#7's forehead, and in theory I understand why they did it. But in practice and with this hair, I found it make his forehead distractingly bright and plastic-like and flat compared to the rest of his face that's carefully detailed and contoured. It looks odd, is what it is. That bright forehead also highlight (hurhur) how the front hair and roots don't have shadow at all, and my brain can't help thinking how wrong it look like every time I put this hair on him. Also I deliberately capture the above pic with indoor lighting, because in outdoor that forehead shine like lighthouse, good lord @_@. Being a Warrior of Light doesn't mean you have to become literal sun, dude.

So yeah that's my main wrinkle with this expansion, his hair and forehead. (first world problem) (while a throng of BLM and AST have a meltdown out there (*´・ｖ・). Tho I do feel pretty miffed right now regarding how they replace many gap closer with no-damage skill. Like, I can't surprise enemy by poking their head from above while laughing maniacally anymore?? HOW DARE YOU--- but this aimless rambling post already hella long without those rants. I'll keep it for another time..)

[spaceprincessem]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💖

hello love! @alyxmastershipper sent me this as well and i'm finally getting around to answering it! in no particular order:

and i'm not good at winning fights anymore - 24k buddie 5+1 things fic

There’s mud on his hands. There’s mud on his hands and he has to dig deeper, quicker, because Eddie is forty feet beneath him and surely he can’t breathe because the well is gone and Eddie is gone and Buck can’t follow him.

“Eddie,” his throat feels raw, the words wrong to his ears, “Eddie.”

“Yeah,” Eddie says, holding onto him, “I'm right here, Buck, I’m right here.”

“I can’t—” Buck breaks off, his trembling, dirty hand in the air and Eddie must understand because he takes Buck's hand without question and pulls it to his chest, right over his heart.

{or five times Buck needs to feel Eddie's heartbeat and the one time Eddie needs to feel his}

2. gravity holds me down - 14.7k buddie fic

“Eddie.”

Eddie jerks out of the moment, pain registering around his bicep where Hen is squeezing him too hard. There’s an edge to her voice, jaw clenched, and eyes narrowed as she looks across from where they are standing. Eddie follows her gaze and his entire body freezes.

“Whatever you do,” Hen’s voice is low, dark, “do not let him take Buck.”

Jonah can’t see them from where he’s standing, his back mostly turned as he flashes a light in one of the patient's eyes. Eddie shifts without thinking, blocking Buck and Christopher from view. Fuck the fire, Eddie thinks as he plants himself where he’s standing.

3. blue skies - 36k buddie fic

“Most babies are born as accidents,” She says suddenly, like she’s decided that Buck has passed, that she can trust him with this.

Buck doesn’t really have an answer because that question hits way to fucking close to home. A year or so ago he would have said, yes, I was an accident, so I know how that goes, but Buck knows better now. Knows that he would almost give anything for that answer to still be yes. Evie’s finger works under the seal to rip it open, a stack of important looking papers dumping out onto the table in front of her.

“Not me,” she says without looking up as she organizes them into a neat stack, “I was engineered.”

And.

And Buck’s pretty fucking sure a giant, cataclysmic hole has ripped right open, dragging him down to the earth’s core where he vaporizes into dust.

{or Buck meets another savior baby and everything comes crashing down}

4. and some things you just can't speak about - 42k buddie fic

“Me too.”

Eddie’s surprise at hearing himself speak for the first time since he was introduced isn’t nearly as shocking as realizing that both he and Buck say the same thing at the same time. Eddie trails his gaze up the line of Buck’s neck, watches the way his Adam’s apple bobs when he swallows, and finds those glacier lake eyes looking right at him. Eddie’s never been the type of person to stand down. To roll over and bare his belly. He won’t look away, can’t concede to that, but the idea of being seen by a complete stranger is unnerving and Eddie feels a little defenseless. Bobby clears his throat and they both blink out of their strange standoff. Eddie’s flush only burns hotter when he sees Hen and Chim share a look like it’s an entire conversation and something deep and unknown twinkle in Bobby’s eyes.

“That’s something we can all think about for next week,” Bobby smiles knowingly, “where are we stuck in life? And, maybe,” he turns towards all of them, “we just might figure out how to help each other move forward.”

[or the 118 support group therapy au]

5. all roads they lead me here - 39k sterek fic

“Then why wouldn’t you be Derek’s emissary?” Stiles asked. He just wished Deaton would get to the fucking point. He was tired and he hated playing twenty questions to figure out what the older man was getting at.

“Derek’s emissary needs to be someone who he trusts completely,” Deaton explained, “and it’s time I passed on my wisdom and expertise to that person.”

The beat of silence between them stretched for too long before Stiles realized exactly who Deaton was talking about.

“Me?” He asked incredulously.

thank you for the ask 💖

[a-moth-to-the-light]

Comeback Celebration: Current Top Ten Sunmi Songs

I noticed, while I was working on this, that I talk about Sunmi the way orbits talk about Loona--I think you'll see what I mean as we go down the list! I think it's the admiration I have for how creative & well-crafted her releases are. "Heroine" was the song that got me into Sunmi, though her most recent comeback at the time was "Lalalay" (I remember because the ponytail dance was EVERYWHERE). My admiration was secured after her 1/6 album--even though her discography is still small, I think that album really fleshed it out, to the point where I finally felt like I could understand her as an artist. Happy Sunmi comeback to us all!

1. pporappippam

This is my "Butterfly". I remember when this song came out, I remember when it changed the world, it's all things divine, it's my conduit to a romanticized version of my teenage years, it's a supercut of all the most wonderful colors you've ever seen in the sky at sunset. In all seriousness, though--I really don't get how people find this song boring. It manages to be a soft, ethereal track and an addictive pop hit, a perfect balance of peaceful atmospherics and unrelenting pace. This one is really special to me!

2. 1/6

This is my "Loonatic". I got dream pop with this song--okay, "1/6" might not exactly be dream pop, but it's soft and dreamy in a way that made me finally see the appeal of that type of song, like why someone would want to get lost in that hazy sonic world.

3. Siren

"Siren" is a piano crashing into you from a third-story window. Like, I don't know how it's ever possible to be emotionally ready for this song. Its brute-force approach is just so goddamn memorable, especially because Sunmi doesn't overuse it in the rest of her discography--she usually goes for subtlety, but her vocals carry a powerful chorus like this one just so well.

4. Narcissism

This one's also in the brute-force category, especially because the production takes this really messy, maximalist approach--and fuck it, it works. I love this song a whole lot: the soft intro; the weird schoolbell-through-intercom-static sounds; the way the chorus hits; the way Sunmi navigates the song's rapid rises and falls. If you miss old-school EDM (read: if you obsess over Dreamcatcher's "Can't get you out of my mind" like I do), I think you'll really enjoy this one.

5. Call

Yeah, no surprise here, I always love club music. But this club classic is particularly intricate, built on a really interesting contrast: Sunmi's gritty vocals over an exceptionally pristine house beat.

6. Black Pearl

This song is just cool. Like, that saxophone solo is just really, really cool. Like, I want to be a guy who has this song at the top of his most-listened list. Maybe one day!

7. Heroine

Yeah, the beat drop is kind of wimpy, so that part didn't age all that great. But Sunmi's PERFORMANCE here?? That prechorus is one for the ages. Five years ago, the emotion of this song absolutely captivated me, and it still resonates with me today.

8. Lalalay

In contrast, this one aged wonderfully! Now that I'm not being constantly overloaded with beat drops in every other song (thank you, 2019 Twice & 2021 Olivia Rodrigo!), I can really appreciate how interesting "Lalalay" is! I used to think this one was boring and lacking inspiration, but now that I'm revisiting it, I think the dynamics of the chorus are pretty compelling (yes, I think the beat drop is compelling, sue me)--like, do you hear how the weird note thingie is fading in and out? how the volume shifts? I love it so much!! My favorite part is the bridge, though--the flight attendant bit remains iconic, and the segue into the final chorus is breathtaking.

9. Heart Burn

This will forever remind me of a song from my childhood--the melody of the chorus is vaguely reminiscent of Taylor Dayne's "Tell It to My Heart", which my mom used to play in the car--so this song hits unfairly hard for me. Like, it's already a reserved, mysterious summer hit, but to me it sounds like a half-formed image of your old living room, or the voice of an elementary-school friend whose name you can't quite recall speaking from the void. Cloudy, surreal, a bit unsettling, but altogether sweet. Also, the color scheme of this music video is super striking, so "Heart Burn", despite its simplicity, gets a LOT of bias points from me.

10. What the Flower

This is like the evil twin of Red Velvet's "Good, Bad, Ugly". They both go for the lounge-singer vibe, but Red Velvet have really pure, sweet-sounding vocals, while Sunmi's voice, and her work as a whole, have always been very savory (like, anti-saccharine?). Both songs are great, and I especially love how both allow for some wonderful piano appreciation (shoutout to the guitar in "What the Flower", too!). The singalong bit at the end of "What the Flower" is really striking, so this one has stuck around in my head over the years, even before I could really appreciate its quieter sections.

Honorable Mentions: 24 Hours (obligatory), Who am I, Curve (also obligatory), Tail (Sunmi's charisma wins this one), Call my name

[changbinsboobs]

Your readings are so interesting ! I have been loving them so much. About Han being more stable than you thought, I agree and it doesn’t really surprise me much. I feel like the fandom sometimes hyperfocuses way too much on his mental health- they make it seem like anxiety (or any other mental issue) is an inherent personality trait of his, which is why a lot of fandom seem to think he’s a mess. Also I feel like a lot of people can’t wrap their heads around the idea that somebody with anxiety could possible enjoy the idol industry- performing, interacting with people, being on stage etc, therefore he must constantly be in distress (which is a lil ableist ngl)

Like, I’m sure he’s still a bit immature, and has some growing up to do, but he’s not walking around with SOS tattooed on his forehead ya know?

Anyway, love your readings. Can’t wait for the dorm dynamics one you mentioned in your other post - I’m so curious what goes on with in Chan and IN

Thank youu💗💗💗 and yeah I've noticed that with other members or other idols too in general. Like they hear something about the idol (in hans case that he has social anxiety) and they project that on any little "weird" behavior that they exhibit (by weird i mean something thats outside of the persona the idol usually portrays). I understand the good intentions of wanting to protect their belived idols but a fan can't really do much protecting if we're being honest. And more often than not (almost always) the fans' interference does more damage than good. Imagine you get an anxiety attack once, because you're swarmed by people. And now the whole world thinks you have an anxiety disorder. Maybe you've never thought of yourself as someone with anxiety, maybe this happens like once every 5 years. But now everyone talks about your anxiety and kind of unintentionally forces that on you. After a while you start identifying with it and might indeed exhibit auch symptoms. And because of that whole thing fans do when they escalate a little situation they've only witnessed a fraction of - i believe lots of idols are afraid to share more deeper stuff with their fans, just because they'll take a small piece of information and immediately infantilize the idol and turn it all into a much bigger thing than it is. This - even if it comes from good intentions - is a harmful behaviour many fans should unlearn because it keeps their beloved idol quite and in fear of sharing whats on their heart with their fans. Thats my thoughts on the matter😅got a bit long tho.

And about han, tbh i forgot he had anxiety before you mentioned it here😅 why i thought he's much more unstable is actually because of his songs and what he often shares in interviews as well as the members about him. He has said several times he feels alienated from the world and has difficulties socializing and fitting in, at the same time he's a very sensitive and creative person and has even some genius like traits - and all this taken into consideration i thought he would be having a much harder time sorting out his thoughts and finding his place in the world. But he seems to be actually doing really fine, which makes me happy cuz i think he's such a charming, sweet guy🥰

And yeah, i think ill be doing that reading the following days sometime. Its def not too far back in my queue:)

[kris-the-yan]

Neurodivergent characters in Super Monkey Ball

Only one of these has a canon name for their disorder, the rest are implied so much that they may potentially be canon too

1. Doctor

-> Out of everyone, Doctor is the only character who has a label for his disorder, which is amnesia. And although it isn't entirely accurate representation of amnesia, it also isn't terrible as they don't portray him in a way that creates a mockery of amnesiac people in general.

-> besides that, he's also incredibly smart, so his IQ has to be through the roof practically, so maybe giftedness? Either way, he is portrayed as someone who is well-respected among individuals (hence the name Doctor, which was given by the public) (also I imagine when he was in school he was super popular due to his high intelligence)

2. YanYan

Probably not canon, but then again she litterally shows these in the games so it may be so

To start I would say she possibly shows **a few** signs of autism and although they never said anything about her having it, I feel like she probably does

-> For one thing, she **absolutely cannot sit still, AT ALL.** as seen in the games, she's constantly moving around, even when sitting down, something some sensory-seeking autistic people experience

-> Another thing, she is canonically described as being "fearless," which gets me thinking, maybe she doesn't fear anything even when it potentially puts her life in danger (for example a moving car headed her direction) (they probably mean she doesn't fear any bad guy she faces, but still).

-> Oh yeah SUPER MONKEY BALL BOUNCE AND she's the only one out of everyone who cries when she was kidnapped. Not just teary, watery eyes, I mean FULL ON WAILING which is kind of surprising because for someone who's supposedly "fearless," she's just there letting her emotions out. But why does she cry this much? Maybe it was the feeling of that green gooey web that she's tied up with, perhaps she hates the feeling of it and it upset her to the point of crying?

-> Also she's apparently shy, which honestly contradicts her actually being "fearless," but anyway, some autistic people are shy (depends on where they are on the spectrum), and although not all shy people are autistic, she could be since she experiences some of the other things (the constantly moving around is a big thing)

-> Also I think she has a lack of social awareness because she canonically has a crush on AiAi and even flirts with him even though their biological son is **right there** so shouldn't she be aware of that already? My prediction is that they throw hints and cues that any allistic person would understand and go "ok so I guess I can't date him because he's married and they have a son from the future" but YanYan doesn't seem to understand any of that, instead thinks she can still have a chance with him

3. Jam

-> Ok so this one's rather short but absentmindedness and hyperactivity are both signs of ADHD and since Jam shows both of these... :)

4. Pospos

-> I've went in-depth with this but he canonically shows signs of anomic aphasia or dysmonia, which is when you have trouble retrieving the correct words from memory, which happens to him a lot. He has trouble remembering names, which actually interferes with his job and ability to communicate overall. This is shown in-game when he struggles to remember the names of people he has to deliver mail to. He also seems to not make very good eye contact and shows signs of being shy, which I believe his disorder leads to.

5. Sisi

-> So, normally people wouldn't have to have pictures of everyone they meet to tell whether or not they exist, but just that one like tells everything ("I take pictures of everybody I meet, it's the only way I know they really exist"). The only explanation I can think of is he deals with hallucinations, specifically people. It may be only one line but he could possibly be schizo-spec because again, that piece of dialogue implies he hallucinates people and therefore takes pictures of everyone as the only real way of knowing whether they're real or not

[luescris]

Listen. Guys. Listen.

As you all may or may not know. I have a massive, huge despise for 2012!Shredder. The rage I feel against him will never die. I am one of his biggest haters.

..... However.

What if I told y'all. That I also have a Oroku Saki redemption au. Not Shredder. But Oroku Saki.

Don't get me wrong. They're both terrible people, one just less so than the other.

But here's the thing. Here's where this all started.

You all remember the episode when Shredder came back again in season 5 right??? How he was not at all himself, very much more of a mellow, depressed "follow instead of lead" kind of person???? And how he quite literally shoved Kavaxas back into hell??????

Hell must have done some real fucking shit to make Shredder rethink his entire life like that. Like no way in hell would he have ever helped the turtles out like that by his own free will before. It's something that I think about daily and I have not been able to get it out of my head because it was SO out of character for him and as much as I hate him and know that I nor the Turtles would never, in a million years, give him a chance of redemption for all the shit he's done...

That part has got me thinking.

Like. Imagine this. Somehow, someway, because of that sudden out of pocket good deed, Oroku Saki is more or less cursed. Cursed to go back to the living, but not as a living, breathing human being. Not exactly a zombie, but not alive either. And he is cursed to watch after the turtles until every single one of his wrongdoings are at least somewhat forgiven and he's able to maybe move on to the next part of life.

So like. One day, the turtles get back from a patrol in a mostly good mood, only to absolutely stop and freeze when seeing they have an unknown visitor sitting on the couch, waiting for them.

Said visitor being Oroku Saki. No burns, no helmets or armor, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, cargo pants, sunglasses and holding a coffee in his hand. And all he does is stare back at the turtles completely and utterly calm.

It takes a minute for something to click, but immediately Leo is on it, moving within the blink of an eye to press his sword against Saki's throat and hissing, "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't chop your head off right here, right now."

And Saki, ever so cooly, takes off his glasses and stares right into hate filled glare and goes, "You can't."

He then explains why they can't kill him, and how every time they try he would only bleed and nothing more, making a complete mess of their lair. April of course reads his mind (A bit too forcefully too because She Mad) but is surprised to learn that he was telling the utmost truth.

Saki then tells them that he's cursed to watch over them, and can't do anything else until his sins are attoned for, and none of the turtles know what to do about this entire thing, utterly stumped.

I'm not sure what happens in between them and the time he attempts to apologize after a few days of the turtles begrudgingly letting him stay but more so as a prisoner (at one point the man attempts to apologize but that only makes Leo snap and he runs a sword through him while saying, "You gave me these scars! Gave me this voice! This knee! You killed are father three times! The time for apologies is over!!! Do you understand?!?'' Will probably break down about it later with his brothers but yeah lmao) .

And of course once Karai finds out, she also immediately tries to attack, only to be completely baffled and betrayed when the turtles stop her, and even after they explain she's not only in denial, but filled with hatred, and vows to find a way to kill Saki before storming off.

I'm not sure what bonds there'd be. If any at all. Because this concept is SO odd to me and I could NEVER see the boys wanting ANYTHING to do with Saki in any form. But if anyone has any ideas they may want to add PLEASE say so I would like to hear them gfhfhdhd

Anyway. There's my super weird "Uncle(?) Saki" au. Do with this what you will fhdghxhddh

[zoeykallus]

Hunter – Dirty Little Thief 14 - Burning Bridges

Warnings: Tension/Angst/Hurt

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You are making a serious decision. One that none of the boys will like.

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What Happened Before:

Dirty Little Thief

Part 2 -Fairplay

Part 3- What We Do Not Admit

Part 4 - Provocative

Part 5 - Fighting And Loving

Part 6 - Scorching Hot

Part 7 - Keep It Together

Part 8 - Give Me More

Part 9 - Don’t You Dare

Part 10 - Hurt

Part 11 - Say You Won’t Miss Me

Part 12 - Still A Dirty Little Thief

Part 13 – In The Shadows

Part 14 - Burning Bridges

Tech sneaked up to the hotel you were in. He just saw you leaving the building and followed your heels. He kept his distance and watched you from a safe distance. You didn't seem to have a direct target. At least that's how it appeared to him. Every now and then you turned around and he wondered if you had noticed him. Again and again he had to jump hastily into cover.

But then something happened that he would not have suspected. You stopped and seemed to be talking to someone who was on your right in the darkness of a side alley. Unfortunately, he couldn't recognize the person and because of his safe distance, he couldn't hear what was being said. But for some reason, he had a queasy feeling in his stomach.

His goggles record what is happening. Tech continues to lie in wait, watching. Then the stranger steps into the sparse light of a streetlamp. Tech holds his breath.

"Maul," he whispers "This is inconvenient."

He sends a message to Hunter over his comm with a small clip of the recording he just made.

"We're being watched," Maul says quietly.

You turn around, there's no one in sight, but you sense it too.

"No one dangerous. Probably just one of my friends.... Is a long story"

Maul snorts.

"Well, what do you think about it?"

"Coming with you and learning from you?"

Maul nods slowly, thoughtfully.

A sigh comes over your lips.

"I dont know. Right now, I'm in a strange situation."

Maul reaches for your shoulder. almost like an old friend and says, "Maybe you should put some distance between you and this situation. Reorder your priorities, plan for your future. Because right now you're not using your potential, nor do you seem happy."

Maul had a point there. At the moment you didn't know if things would smooth out with Hunter anyway. As much as it hurt, maybe you really should move on. The more you dwelled on it, the more painful it would become.

"Where would we go?"

He looks at you, his eyes digging deep into yours.

"I have a secret lair on Dathomir. That's where we would stay for now."

"Dathomir" you said lost in thought "Don't think I've ever heard of it, or ever been there".

Maul smiled. A smile that tingled under your skin.

"That should make it all the more interesting for you. No?"

You sighed and nodded.

"I guess so"

"So you'll come with me?"

"Yeah, I think I'll come along."

Hunter turned over in his bunk, annoyed when he heard the com beeping. He didn't look at the message yet, turning the device between his fingers. Maybe it was a message from you, he thought. If he was honest, he missed you already. Yes he was pissed and disappointed, but really he didn't want to lose you in any way. He just needed some time to calm down and look at things with some distance for a while.

He regretted how rudely he had dumped you, but at that moment when he did, he had been incredibly angry and disappointed. Hunter was sure you'd understand that in a way. With a sigh, he finally opened the message and was surprised that it was from Tech; he hadn't even realized that Tech had left the Marauder.

He played the video attached.

"What the..."

He saw you on the video and then another person appear, walking towards you. Maul.

"It can't be," he muttered in shock.

He hastily swung out of the bunk and put on his gear.

"Guys! Get your gear on! We've got a problem!"

Tech followed you two to a landing platform. He didn't know exactly what you were up to, but he didn't like where the situation was going at all. As Maul led you purposefully toward a shuttle, he felt a knot in his stomach.

"Well, that's not good."

He set off another message with his location and the attachment "Hurry up!"

Tech guessed Hunter and the rest would be too late, but he also knew he couldn't interfere. He couldn't do much against a former Sith Lord, even with your help. He knew you didn't have the slightest idea who you were dealing with. He could only hope that Maul was not interested in harming you.

The Scimitar was modified, you could tell that much. The original courier ship was equipped with armament it wasn't supposed to have.

You felt a strange heaviness inside you. The thought of really leaving the planet and leaving Clone Force 99 behind was heavy on your stomach. You would sorely miss the boys, especially Hunter.

It wasn't easy for you, but for now it made sense. Hunter didn't want you around anymore, and Maul knew things about what was lying dormant that you probably couldn't learn from anyone else.

You sat down in the copilot seat, watched him launch the shuttle. As you took off, the queasy feeling intensified, but you kept your mouth shut. Maybe you would meet the boys again someday, maybe then everything could be okay again. You wouldn't stay away forever. Besides, you knew all the hiding places. You would find the boys again.

As Hunter, Echo, Wrecker and Crosshair came running, the shuttle was just disappearing into the horizon. Tech approached them, adjusted his goggles, and said dryly, "You're too late. She just took off with Maul in his shuttle."

"What?!"

Wrecker shouted out, „She's gone? We gotta go after her!“

Hunter's look is shocked, stunned, worried and angry all at the same time.

"I couldn't do anything. Not alone" Tech said "My intervention might have even endangered her"

Echo asked, "Did he take her?"

Tech shook his head.

"She went with him willingly. At least that's what it looked like. I don't think she knows who she's dealing with."

Crosshair growled to Hunter, "Whatever you said to her must have left a lasting impression."

He knew that himself and right now he deeply regretted every word of it.

In the next chapter we make a somewhat larger leap in time

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