#5 different doctors since the end of the summer and it's still not over

[tonya-the-chicken]

Tonya you must be on some pretty powerful bullshit to become an Overhaul apologist. What did you get prescribed to you?

That is just who I am as a person (a madman)

[simp-ly-writes]

Meet the Doctor pt.4

Pairing: Stardew Valley Harvey x Reader

Summary: The reader faces some unluckiness one day and one event leads to another turn of events.

Warnings: slight self-directed aggression, drinking, a bit of angst...

A/N: you know, I was really not thinking of making a third part and even plans for a fourth. But the universe decided differently and its a long one... please don't get mad at me for this one *hides behind hands.*

Masterlist | Taglist | edited.

Meet the Doctor Series (pt.1) (pt.2) (pt.3) (pt.4) (pt.5) (pt.6) (pt.7) (pt.8) (pt.9) (pt.10) you are here

It had been a few days since you were last in town, having been to busy with the farm. Leaves crunching beneath your feet as you tilled the land for a new batch of pumpkins and hay. The sun was high in the sky as you stretched your back while fixing your hat and removing the sweat off your forehead with the small towel you carried in your back pocket. Thankfully enough, the fall breeze was a good equalizer to the sun's rays; you would not look forward to the summer season coming back.

--

A few hours went as the sun ran across the sky into mid-afternoon, you had run out of pumpkin seeds. Cursing to the scarecrows, you ran back inside the farmhouse and flipped through our notebook for your earlier calculations.

Smacking your head on the desk and producing a large sigh, you realized you used last year's spreadsheet, not accounting for the new quality sprinklers you had recently crafted. So throwing on your work-boots and a sweater you set off to Pierre's on your horse.

But it seemed like the world really had it out for you and your sleep-deprived brain from a few too many nights spent between the mines and fishing with Willy. It was a Wednesday, a Wednesday.

Screw you Pierre. You mentally cursed the shopkeeper, yet would never have the heart to turn to Joja Mart, even in a time of need like this. Jumping back on your horse you trotted over to the saloon to serve an early night, hitching your ride to the nearby post equipped with a water trough. You fed your companion a few snacks from the saddle and with that, entered the saloon.

--

Inside the saloon, you could find Gus cleaning some glasses as he chatted with Major Lewis at the bar who appeared to be drinking a dark liquid in a short glass. They both waved you over with a smile as you popped down on a cushioned barstool, requesting your favourite as was clockwork.

Once receiving your drink, you downed the liquid with concerning speed. Gus and Lewis looked to one another and then back at you, eyes wide as the saucers found in Evelyn's china cabinet. And that is when you start your rant about the last couple of days that have seen to go downhill since your doctor's appointment; while sending pointed look towards Lewis.

They both nod along and with Lewis's age you begin to worry about the muscles in his neck cramping, but maybe those health concerns were just the alcohol working its way through your system to come to this more relaxed state, or maybe, just maybe your subconscious was making an alternative connection...

--

By the end of your rant, and a cut-off from Gus since you still had to ride your way back home. The bar steadily filled as the night dragged on. The radio played some popular city-tunes that you remember driving to in the past. As the young adults could be heard the next room over, arcade machines wizzing and chiming as the clinking of a pool game was all echoing down the hall.

In this moment of low, you couldn't help but wonder how your life had come to be like this; you missed your Grandfather's leading presence. But in your sorrow sunken state, you felt an arm being wrapped around the back of your chair and a body filled the empty stool beside you, distracting you from your spiral of thoughts.

If you remembered correctly, his name was Elliot; with lush golden locks covered the top of his head and reached down a bit past his shoulders. A large smile was plastered across his face, his cheeks obviously rosy from the wine he carried in the glass sat atop the counter. He asked if you remembered him from a couple of weeks ago, and you nodded in replay while giving him a light smile.

Swiftly dropping his arm from around the back of your chair, he moved to grasp his wine glass once you became engaged in conversation. His eyes creasing happily over hearing your laughter echo throughout the room from his flirtatious jokes. Yet you couldn't help but compare his facial features to that of a certain glasses-covered doctor. Your mind and eyes drifting towards a window facing the local clinic...

You eventually ended up chuckling to yourself at the thought of the blonde trying to grow a moustache, but Elliot took no mind to this as he continued rambling about this new novel he was trying to write and a song he had composed from touring your grandfather's farm a few years ago.

--

By the end of the night, Elliot offers to walk you home. Before exiting the building he places his red coat around your frame. The temperature had severely dropped from the lack of sun and you gave him another small smile from this kind action.

With your horse in tow, the two of you embarked back to your farmhouse. A steady conversation of your favorite literary genres, to authors and eventually questions about all the past lives you both have in alternative universes as your brain cleared slightly from the intoxication.

You eventually don't even realize that you are standing at your door, key in hand, and then are turning the doorknob. Your horse already totting itself back to the stables for the night. Taking a moment you look back at the man standing below the steps of your house, ensuring that you make it inside safe and warm for the night.

The porch light reflected brightly off of the red coat you were still wearing. As you quickly made an effort to shove it off your frame, already feeling the wind pick at all the seams of your clothes. Though as you begin to come down the stairs, Elliot tells you to keep it for now as an excuse to see you in the future. And with that, he takes off, down towards the sea as you enter the fire-lit living-space and collapse on the couch in the early morning hours.

To be continued...

╰┈➤ A/N: please don't come after me! it gets better later I swear!

Meet the Doctor Series (pt.1) (pt.2) (pt.3) (pt.4) (pt.5) (pt.6) (pt.7) (pt.8) (pt.9) (pt.10) you are here

[little-bumblebeeee]

Moonlight - part 6

Steve's turn

Word count - 1.8k

Part 5 part 4 part 3 part 2 part 1

Steve's always been a good kid. Other than his bottom of the barrel grades, he's been good at sports, instruments, he's easy on the eyes.. he's a dream. Other than the one small fact he's a werewolf. The fact isn't quite small when he thinks about it.

When he was 7 years old, he saw what he thought was a stray dog in his backyard, a big one, like the one his neighbor used to have. He should've known. Should've listened suring summer camp when that counselor told stories of werewolves, should've ran away as fast as he could.

But he didn't. Instead he spent that next month in the hospital, trying to recover from his almost fatal injuries while nurses poked and prodded at him and doctors ran their tests. He still remembers their cold tools and rough hands, their strange smelling gloves and the fear in their eyes when they looked at him, as if they were looking at a monster. And he doesn't blame them. Never did. Because ever since then on the full moon he's been a beast. There are urban legends around the town just about him, about how if you encounter him in the woods during a full moon he'll rip you to shreds and keep you alive for the whole thing, or that he eats babies or something– which he doesn't. He doesn't even hunt rabbits. He just lets himself starve, he's never wanted to hurt something, especially something that never stood a chance against him.

And then that shit with the Upside Down happens, just when he thinks he's finally getting close to Eddie. He doesn't want to spread this to him and rope him in on this. Sure, they're not friends, but they still end up finding each other, not to mention Steve having to patch himself up and deciding to do it at Eddie's place.

So, he avoids the boy again. He watches himself grow more and more pale and gaunt each passing month, the scars on his body seeming like they're spreading. He hasn't been eating or sleeping much, usually getting his rest during class, meaning his grades slip drastically before he graduates, to the point where he barely scrapes by.

And when he meets Robin, she fills a gap in his heart, a piece of himself he didn't know he was missing. She also makes him realize a lot, about the world around him and about himself.He wasn't just friends with Tommy, he didn't want to be just friends with Eddie either.

"I didn't realize you could do that." Steve murmurs when Robin says she liked Tammy Thompson, letting his head thump against the wall.

"Are you serious? Do you not pay attention to the world around you, like, at all?" Robin says with a chuckle, bumping her knee against his. But her smile goes away when Steve runs a hand through his hair, wincing as his fingers run over the wound on his scalp. "Steve?"

"Hm?"

"We're okay, right?"

"Of course we are.. I'm just thinking. About me." Steve says softly, staring up at the ceiling, which he realizes has more stains than the floor. Gross. Robin tilts her head a bit at him, narrowing her eyes as if trying to see into his brain.

"Like what?" She asks, picking at her chipped nail polish as it scrapes onto the floor in maroon colored dust.

"Like.. I always thought we were just best friends– me and Tommy H... But now it all seems different, looking back. I mean, friends don't do what we did. You and I are friends, and I'd.. we'd never. Not at all." Steve says quietly, barely even parting his lips. Robin grimaces, not even wanting to think about what Steve and Tommy could've done to the point Steve thinks they were more than just friends. Everything is different now. The way he had looked at Eddie, the way he thought of him, of his gaze and his hands and his words– the way he'd say his name. It was all so different. So new and amazing.

"You know Eddie Munson? He showed up sometimes and got a plain strawberry cone?" Steve asks and Robin nods slightly, having a feeling where this is going. She slides down the wall a little more, her shoes squeaking on the tile. "Yeah, I know Eddie. He stepped on my sandwich one time." Steve sighs, running a hand through his hair once more. He doesn't even need to say it, Robin just knows.

"Oh." She says softly, echoing exactly Steve's tone from earlier. "Mhm. Oh."

"You could have better taste. I mean, c'mon, Eddie? He's like, three raccoons in a trenchcoat. I saw him eating a can of Spaghetti-O's behind the school one time." Robin says, making Steve laugh, his head falling back again and bumping back against the stall wall, a move he immediately regrets with the way his head now throbs.

"I like that, though.. I can't explain it. I like everything about him. I guess I just like him." He says with a growing smile. He really should've realized sooner, but he supposes now isn't the worst time. Eddie is.. everything. He's everything, simple as that. If others could see Eddie the way Steve sees Eddie, he'd rule the world.

That's when Dustin and Erica burst in, seeing the two almost adults on the ground, laughing at nothing. The rest is a little blurry to Steve, hard to remember and somewhat painful, but it's like he blinks and he's sitting in the back of an ambulance, bright lights and sirens filling the warm July night. Beneath his pounding skull and ringing ears, he hears someone ask him a question.

"Is there a number we can call for you? Someone to pick you up?"

He doesn't quite know who asked it, but his mind goes right to one person, and he hardly takes a breath before rattling off the number he knows by heart. The number that leads to that yellow phone on the wall of the trailer. He knows Wayne is at work, but Eddie might be home. It only takes the boy about 7 minutes to get to the mall, rushing towards the ambulances, somehow immediately finding Steve as if pulled in by a magnet.

"Jesus... Steve, you're okay, right? Are you okay?" He pants out, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he sees Steve, still in his stupid sailor uniform, absolutely beat to a pulp with nothing but a thin blanket around him.

"I've been better." Steve says with a shrug. He feels that skip in his heart, which he's felt before but not to this degree, not at all. It's all for Eddie, he realizes. Every beat of his heart and breath in his lungs, and maybe he's getting ahead of himself but that's just how he feels.Eddie puts his hands on either side of Steve's face, tilting his head to see all of his injuries. "What happened to you..?" He asks, his throat bobbing as he gulps. Steve really can't help but smile as he feels the boy's touch.

"It's a long story, and I don't really feel like shortening it at the moment." He says with a small smile, unintentionally leaning into Eddie's touch before he pulls his hands away to take a step back. Eddie takes a deep breath, fidgeting with his rings.

"C'mon." He says quietly, nodding towards his van. Steve hasn't actually been inside of it before, having to kick away a soda can at his feet, which Eddie quickly tosses to the back. Steve really can't help but notice the little things– things that he himself would do if he were to try and impress someone if he was Eddie. The way Eddie makes his van look somewhat clean so Steve doesn't think little of him, cracking the windows so the smell of weed isn't so strong, turning his loud music down as not to irritate Steve's pounding skull nor his sick stomach.

"The trailer is a bit of a mess– I know you don't care, I just.. you know." Eddie says with a small shrug, running a hand over his face. Steve doesn't even care that he's staring, hours ago he thought he was going to die, he wants to stare at a pretty face while he still can. He's not going to say anything any time soon, but he will eventually. Eventually. Even if eventually never comes, he'll be happy as long as he gets to be near Eddie. Near this boy that actually seems to care for him. He's drumming his fingers on the steering wheel as he drives, a habit Steve has notices. He's always tapping his fingers against something, whether it's his desk or his thighs or, obviously, the steering wheel. Steve doesn't think he's ever been this content to just sit next to someone, music playing quietly as the streetlights pass. Eddie keeps glancing over, clearly worried, but Steve is just smiling.

"You're sure you're okay?" Eddie asks, and Steve just nods a little. "I feel a lot better than I look. I think it's those pills they gave me before you came and got me."

Eddie still looks worried however, and stays practically stuck to Steve as he cleans himself up, scrubbing the blood off his skin before realizing that the bathroom sink probably isn't doing much.

"You mind if I take a shower?" He asks, and Eddie shakes his head. "No.. no, go ahead. Water might be cold at first, you have to turn the hot water all the way and wait for a minute so it heats up." He explains, still looking a bit shaken up.

When Steve gets out, there's a pair of sweatpants and a shirt waiting for him, both clearly Eddie's. He slips them on, looking at himself in the mirror, at how they fit a bit differently on him than they'd fit Eddie. They're the same height, but very obviously different builds. The clothes smell like detergent, but also something else. Something oh so clearly Eddie, to the point that the smell is still there even when the clothes are clean. It makes Steve feel a bit weird about himself, the fact he's smelling clothes because they smell like Eddie, but he hardly even notices he's doing it.

He likes this boy, its true, more than he's liked anybody ever.

This is gonna hurt Steve in the end, isn't it?

But what if there is no end? What if there's actually no beginning? Neither of them truly know what's going to happen, nobody does, especially with the Upside Down existing with a bunch of 13 year olds and about four 18 year olds being the only ones who know about it.

Steve sits down on the couch just a little bit away from Eddie, both of them quiet in the moment. Eventually Steve might say something. Maybe it will be on one of their death beds or over a grave, maybe it will be in a year or a day, maybe it will never happen. He doesn't know.

But until then he'll savor this as much as he can.

Tag list (open!): @manda-panda-monium @gregre369 @she-collects-smut @irregular-child @oatmilk-vampire @cartercaptainofthemoon @fairytalesreality @jhrc666

[therentyoupay]

Hi, I was just wondering if technical difficulties is abandoned?

I hope you’re doing well!

*drops in after 5 years and 4 months with a technical difficulties chapter update*

*disappears*

cover art made by @angel-gidget ♡

03/08/23. HELLO, HELLO, HELLO, ALL, LONG LONG LONG TIME, NO SEE. ♡ Can you believe it? When I first published this story (first to tumblr, then to ao3), I had just moved to Japan! When I posted ch. 7, I was still living in Japan, and would stay there for another 7ish months... and in the 5 years and 4 months since posting the last chapter, I have moved to three different cities in the United States and started a Ph.D. program. (I am currently halfway through my PhD program!!!!!) What a wild ride. Also, we lived through the pandemic?! And I bought a house! Over the summer! The market was vicious.

So, then how did I get the inspiration/time/energy/motivation to write Ch. 8, you ask? Marvelous question. I lied down in bed last night to go to sleep "early" and ended up reading an utterly hilarious play-by-play commentary on Bad Books, Good Times of a popular fantasy novel series—and I'm not quite sure what it was about "poorly written books explained by hilariously clever book lovers" but I suddenly had a craving for fanfiction, so I opened up my Books app on my phone, and my eyes fell upon a sudden recommendation for my downloaded copy of technical difficulties. And I thought, "Am I suddenly and weirdly in the mood to jot down some notes to start Ch. 7 right now? By golly, I think I am."

4.5 hours later, I'd written the whole damn thing from scratch on my phone in my Notes app. (Messily! Half-assed! But I wrote all of it down!) I then spent another 6.5 hours today filling in the gaps and "editing." This chapter (and the one that will follow it) has been in my head for more than half a decade, but I just haven't had the space to get it out until now!!

I think one of the most beautiful parts of getting a PhD is how completely it blows your perfectionism tendencies utterly to bits, and one of the really interesting byproducts that has come up in my acdemic writing is just how quickly I can crank out decent-enough writing (skill-building!!). In my case, I think so much of it has to do with just being able to word vomit fairly well while not trying to fix anything until the whole damn thing is basically done. So, I applied that knowledge here! Behold!

This isn't to say that I'll be writing the final chapter anytime soon—I may be on spring break right now and may have had a stroke of Writing Inspiration in the Wild™ last night, but I'm still finishing my last semester of classes and learning advanced Python and working on my milestone paper for my doctoral program and preparing to present at my next conference in June and preparing my proposal for my dissertation next fall. BUT! The important thing is that I will post the last chapter of this story (and all my other stories)! Eventually!! ;)

No BETA for this chapter because I gotta THROW this out onto the internet and get back to coding, so bear with! I may do minor edits for it in the near or distant future. Also, please note that I have not watched any episodes of Miraculous Ladybug after the finale of Season 1, so this fic is very much a ~time capsule~ from the past. If there is any additional lore that might otherwise apply to the plot of this fic, please know that I don't know about it, and I am keeping myself selectively ignorant on all matters of Miraculous Ladybug season 2 and beyond until after I finish this story the way I originally intended. ♡ Woo!

as for, tumblr, sadly, to be honest, I'm never really online anymore! I'll respond to comments here on ao3 ASAP, though. ♡ LOVE YOU ALL, THANK YOU. ♡♡♡

[redheadgleek]

2023 in review

Milestones: 10 years since I completed fellowship and became an attending; 10 years since I moved to Oregon.

Places visited: Hawaii in February with my parents and sister; Yellowstone and Grand Tetons in July with my whole family, with a few days down in Utah; Iceland in September with J; Arizona a couple of times to see my niblings; Seattle for a few weekends.

Games played: Settlers of Catan, Dutch Blitz, Cover Your Assets, Codenames, Exploding Kittens, Zombie Kittens, Happy Salmon, Trails, and Dragonwood. Abandon All Artichokes was also very shortly abandoned and Tacocat was not as entertaining as hoped.

Puzzles completed: 2 (one Karin mostly did, and I just threw down a few pieces).

Movies watched: Wakanda Forever; Return of the King (in the theater in April); Ant Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (terrible movie); Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (excellent movie); Chicken Run: Dawn of the Nugget (stop making want to give up chicken!); Red, White, and Royal Blue.

TV shows watched: Battlestar Galactica (all but the last season because I don’t want it to end), Shadow and Bone season 2 (I am so mad that it was canceled), Doctor Who specials, Avatar: The Last Airbender, The Great British Bake-Off, Heartstopper season 2 (and let’s be real, lots of season 1 again as well), Lockwood & Co (I think I still have the last episode to watch), Tom Jones (PBS), Good Omens season 2, Schmicago (so so good).

TV shows watched with @lucy8675309: The Mandalorian; Ted Lasso season 3; Star Trek: Picard; Star Trek: Strange New Worlds; Loki season 2; Fringe (we’re on season 4 and I love it so much). We started to watch the second season of Our Flag Means Death, but it was taking us away from Fringe, so it’s on the back burner.

Books read: 128 (!!!). Here’s a link to my storygraph account. I’ll do a separate sum up.

Audiobooks listened to: 13.5. My hope had been to do one per month, and Jonathan Strange took at least 3 months to finish, so I’m surprised I made it, but I did have a long road trip to Yellowstone, where I listened to 3 different books on the way there and back. (Carry On is the 0.5 – I listened to 2/3rd of it on the plane ride down and wanted to finish it by Christmas so switched over to the ebook).

Musicals/Plays watched: Moulin Rouge: the Musical (the movie is so much better); Ain’t Too Proud; My Fair Lady; Choir Boy; Hairspray; A Midsummer’s Night Dream; Six; Tina: The Tina Turner Musical; Les Miserables; Waitress (in the movie theater).

Concerts attended: Theo Katzman in April; Vienna Teng at The Triple Door in Seattle in August.

Music listened to: The Riversitter by Vienna Teng, Prayer for the Broken by Naya Rivera, multiple hours of classical music while visiting my parents.

Medical conferences attended: 2, one virtually, one in Phoenix, in August in 115 heat.

Medical conferences where I gave a presentation: 1 on a specific consideration on organ donation (the reason why I was in Phoenix in August).

Number of lectures given: 5 including to the NW Internal Medicine Society.

Nights spent in the hospital because my driveway too icy/snowy to get home: only 3!

Knitted projects: Wisteria scarf (a Christmas present that I finished in January); Anne, Diana, and Gilbert dolls were finished in the spring (only took me 2 years); Orchid and Gold Poppins scarf, Grandpa sweater (my first real sweater!), 3 scarves for Christmas (which are in various stages of finished and need to be mailed).

Number of skeins of yarn bought: … Just enough for a few more dolls and a sweater or two, and some Icelandic yarn and some yarn for my mom…

Notable fails: the annular solar eclipse (too cloudy), parenting succulent plants (3 needed the Plant Hospital, 1 is still in the Plant ICU), summer flirtations.

House repairs: every board on my 32×24 foot deck was replaced. I still have the two lower decks and the back stairs to tackle.

Visits to the beach: only once in June. Must be rectified in the new year.

[iovealexivs]

Thanks for answering my adhd med question! If and only if you feel like it, would you say more about how you were originally misdiagnosed as having only-depression? I've been depressed since early childhood but lately I've started to realize that this is heavily influenced by the fact that I can just never get a grip on anything in daily life, and there's probably something more cognitive or neurological going on. If you don't feel like discussing it with a stranger you don't even have to tell me, I'll wish you a happy new year anyway!

“I can never get a grip on anything” encapsulates how I have felt for as long as I can remember.

I have mainly inattentive ADHD, so it was never caught when I was a kid though in hindsight jesus christ it was so evident. I was (and still am) a huge daydreamer, I do go off topic given the opportunity and even when in appropriate, and I’ve always been a disorganized/messy person. My mind is going at like a million miles a minute even if I’m not physically expressing that hyperactivity. I struggle with impulse control, am easily forgetful of things (couple that with brain fog from long covid and it’s awful), have major time blindness, etc.

When some of my symptoms, such as procrastination, burnout, not cleaning my room due to executive dysfunction, etc, started to affect my life negatively it was chalked up to depression. On the outside it did look like depression, so I bought into it. For a short time antidepressants would work (except for venlaflaxine, which i mentioned had extremely awful side effects but also did no good). But because the problem wasn’t actually depression those didn’t work for very long. It was really frustrating and I must’ve seen 4 different professionals over the course of 5 years before getting to a medication plan that works.

I wasn’t able to see anyone for my mental health until I was an adult due to my home life even though I’d felt this since I was 13. my mom for the longest time would just chastise me for being lazy as if I could control it (she did this well until this year when I told her the problem was ADHD. Reason why I never did before was because she was always dismissive about my mental health as a teen so it was hard to approach her). There is also the fact, according to my dad who only told me after I graduated highschool, my pediatricians told my parents when I was a toddler I was exhibiting signs of autism (which must’ve been very telling if it was caught on that early) and my parents denied me a proper diagnosis because “that couldn’t be it” even if it’s a comorbidity of my physical conditions. So i’ve been running around with that, and I am sure that has to have an effect on everything else.

It wasn’t until I saw a therapist in late 2018/early 2019 for a traumatic event that I considered ADHD a possibility because she was able to pinpoint it from my behavior and my past. But a therapist can’t write scripts so I still needed to see a doctor/psychiatrist. Since then I tried to see different doctors but most just stuck me on antidepressants either by continuing my lexapro script (which had no effect here nor there once I stopped other than mild withdrawal symptoms) or starting me on Wellbutrin (in 2021). I started wellbutrin because I finally got screened for adhd and had the official diagnosis, but I was still given an antidepressant. The wellbutrin worked a little better but it was not solving the problem completely. It got me up and out of bed, which may be why the person I’m seeing now wants me to keep taking it, but I could never stay focused on a task if I wasn’t being forced to either my parents or work. It was so bad on my end when I was on my own in uni that I ended up in the ER due to self induced stress. This summer my psych NP put me on adderall because he listened to how frustrated I was with having an ADHD diagnosis for years and not being effectively treated for it. He did try the venlaflaxine but I had to stop it and then he put me on adderall. I’ve noticed only positives from there even at a smaller dose.

I believe one of the reasons it was diagnosed as depression is because ADHD (like many other health issues, including autism, which can show how much I was showing as a kid if doctors could tell off the bat) is largely ignored in people born female like myself because of stereotypes associated with ADHD mostly being noticed in boys/people assigned male at birth. To further illustrate this, my brothers were suspected of having adhd before they were 7. I wasn’t as disruptive as the “typical” adhd child (I did have my moments. Don’t get me wrong. But it was treated as me being an occasionally unruly kid and I was reprimanded for it only as it happened) so no one cared. I was also a “gifted” kid because I liked reading so much and was smart for the time. Surely a kid with good grades (and who got punished for anything less than a B) has no problems /s. So when I started to level out with my peers in high school the “laziness” accusations exploded in frequency and no one would listen to me when I said I felt so out of control of my own mind.

Sorry this got so long. I never can be concise when there’s something I feel so strongly about. I, unlike the adults in my adolescence, encourage being open about mental health so I hope this can help you.

[warmaidensrevenge]

Tom seeks a new start

Tom Grant x Plus size reader

If you want to read my other work you can find it HERE

Ok this is gonna be different because I just watched Make Up. And sir Tom deserves a happy ending with someone.

Not proof read and no word count. Some spoilers.

This was mostly for me. I love doing Eddie fics. But Mr Quinn deserves some love in other areas.

Part 1

🌊❤️‍🩹

It's been 3 years since Ruth broke Tom's heart. Cornwell nor Darby didn't feel like home to him anymore. As soon as he saved enough he moved. But to where. He wanted to be somewhere like the holiday park. But he wanted to be oceans away from England. He was scrolling through Facebook when he came across a page. A place offering room and board in exchange for work and still offering a paycheck. All sounded great. Until he saw where. America?

As he continued to read he found out it was in Dillingham, Alaska. That was pretty close to what he was use to at the park. Lodges near a beach. Only worry came from wild life. Dark for the winter and nice warm during the summer. It was perfect. The further the better. So he went for it. Just up and left when he got hired. Taking only the essentials.

He had spent 5 years working at the lodge as a handyman. He went to see his mum for that 5th winter. But now he was heading back to his home.

The flight was bloody long. Transfer after transfer flying coache was awful. He however was happy about getting a window seat most of the time in the air. Finally in Anchorage he had a layover and had to wait until morning to catch the next flight to Dillingham. So he set up camp in the airport. It was a quite large port. Nothing compared to the small one he left from. Hundreds of people filled the airport. He noticed a group make their way toward where he was. He was sitting on the cold marble ground. Near the charging station. That was their destination. He over heard them talking about Dillingham. Must be the new blokes. He got up to introduce himself to the group. After the greetings he sat back down and pulled out a small quilt his mum knitted for him and wrapped it around himself. He was just about to fall asleep when he heard a commotion. He opened his eyes and saw the group looking over and hollering in excitement towards someone. Tom cleared his sleepy vision and saw who they were addressing. You were a plump woman with loads of curves. Your face looked as if you were upset. But when you saw the others you perked up. Tom thought you were quite pretty. And from the sounds of it you were going to be at the lodges as well.

The following morning everyone was boarding the plane. That's when he saw her. Making her way down the isle. Constantly side stepping or her hips would catch. She was eyeing the seat numbers. When she stopped in his aisle. She nodded and sat. Her thigh slightly touched his. She pulled away immediately. She already had earphones on and pulled out a book out of her hand bag. She was reading 'Wicked'. She looked at him once more feeling him looking her over. If he didn't know any better he would think she was angry with him. But resting bitch face was a thing. He smiled at her and she returned with a half smile. She was really pretty.

During the flight he decided he was going to watch Doctor Who on the planes telly. Every once in a while she would glance at it and smile. Must be a fan. Her thigh kept touching the side of his. And there were times where she didn't notice until he moved. He didn't want you to move he was only adjusted himself closer so more of your warmth would reach him. She apologized when she finally noticed and crossed her legs. He said it was fine but you didn't hear him due to your music. He couldn't make out the song but he definitely knew it was something metal. In which made you more attractive.

As everyone exited the plane he lost you in the crowd. There was someone holding up a flag with Dillingham lodge on it. He went to it noticed the others who where there for the job. Tom couldn't see much from the back. But he was able to hear the bullhorn.

"Welcome everyone. Thanks for coming out. We hope your flight or flights were not too bad." A man he couldn't see was speaking but he knew it was Frank. One of the ones who ran the Lodge. " I want to welcome y/n back. After 5 years the master chef is here."

The crowd around clapped and hooted for her. He clapped too just so he wouldn't stand out too much. He's never heard of you before. Then a feminine voice came out of the loud speaker.

" Hey everyone. So the dinning hall hours are posted on the bulletin board in each cabin. If you miss a meal. Please come find me and I'll get you squared away. You can find me in the kitchen. If I'm not there call me on the radio. If you still can't reach me, then well I died."

Tom smiled at her attempted humor.

"Ok. Can I get all the summer guys to head over to Frank. While all the year rounds stay here." She continued.

As the crowd dwindle there was just a hand full people left. That's when he saw you putting down the loud speaker. Every gathered closer to you waiting on instructions.

" Hey guys welcome back. Umm you should know the drill by now grab your luggage and toss it in the side by side. And who are the drivers this year?"

3 guys raised their hands.

" Great. Grab the keys from Mike and start hauling the bags. Everyone else head to the shuttle." You instructed.

As everyone disbursed you called out.

" Thomas Grant?"

Tom raised his hand. While everyone was getting on the shuttle.

"It's Tom"

" uh hi Mr. Grant. Uhh you're the new handyman?" You gave him a warm welcoming smile. It was the first time you didn't look upset he thought.

" uh well I've been here for 5 years so not that new"

" oh yeah of course. So umm did anyone explained to you about seniority?"

" Possibly. But I don't recall."

" oh ok. Well since you've been here for five years you actually get to upgrade to your own camper. Umm but if you like you can stay in the cabins with everyone else. No pressure."

Tom chuckled " a camper all to myself. With no one to share the Lou. How could I possibly say no?"

You smiled " that's what I said when I got mine. So I uhh have some paperwork to fill out. If you want to pack your things and I'll come back for you, say an hour?

Tom gave you a thin lip smile and nodded.

...

You guys pulled up to a campsite just a few 100 yards away from the workers cabins. There was about 10 campers spread out. Finally stopping at one. You got out.

" So being an very important person here you get the best one." You slipped the key in and opened the door. After you handed it to him.

" we got her ready for you. Umm if you need anything I will be just right there" you pointed out the window to the camper across the field.

Neighbors. We're neighbor? He thought

" umm here you go. It's a list of things that need some work. Uhh you can get settled in for the rest of the week. Enjoy it while you can. Once the season starts you probably won't be able to spend much time back here. Also there's the dining hall schedule on the fridge. But if you want to make your own food just let me know and I'll open the general store for you. You get vouchers for anything you need. Until you get your first check. Then you have to pay for shampoo, cigarettes, phone cards and things like that. But you should know that already."

Tom nodded. He wanted to check out his new living space. But he was too focused on your lips.

" ok well I'll be seeing you. It was nice to meet you" You held out your hand to shake his.

That's when he noticed your wedding ring. Oh man you were married. Great all the good ones are always taken. He watched you leave and settled in.

...

Tom didn't wait to get started on work. He need the distraction. Since you weren't available he needed something else to focus on. There were other pretty women there but none caught his interest. No one really did since Ruth. Sure there where woman. Loads of woman after Ruth. But none that could fill the emptiness he felt. Sure he still hooked up when he could. That's why he found you attractive well mostly. But you weren't like the normal ladies he would get with. You were different, warm.

...

After a few weeks Tom learned little to nothing about you. Not from the lack of trying though. You were just a very private person.

It wasn't until a month before the season would you start to admit a few things to him. You had called him because the garbage disposal had stopped working. He was already planning to head over to put up the shelves you requested when you called.

That day you asked if he would like to join you for dinner. And he agreed. Intrigued of the idea of a married woman alone with a man that was not her husband. He wanted to see what it was all about. You didn't seem like the type to have an affair. Not that he would allow it to go that far. But why else would you ask him.

Tom knocked on your door. But when you opened it you were in sweats. You didn't put on make-up or dressed in something revealing. So this wasn't a ploy to sleep with him.

"Hey Thomas. Just in time." You turned to the kitchen to take out whatever you were baking out of the oven.

" you can call me tom"

" Nah it reminds me too much of the cat. Besides I like Thomas. It suits you better."

Tom climbed in and the scent of a familiar childhood favorite filled the camper. The only time Tom smelled anything this good was when his mum was cooking. He watched you pull out a pie.

" Is that cottage pie?" He asked

" umm I hope so. I've never made it before"

" You've never made it before? Why on earth would you make it then. It takes so much time to put together. "

"It was only like an hour and a half. Besides I heard it was your favorite....I thought since you're so far away from home I could maybe offer you some comfort. I know how I get when Im far away from home months at a time and you've been gone for a more than just a few months."

Ok you were just trying to make a friend. That's good.

Tom devoured that pie. He honestly felt awful that he finished it while you only had a small piece. The friendly conversation moved from the dining table to the couch. After a while of getting to know each other. Tom wanted to know more. Why you were here without your husband?

" May I ask you a question?"

"Go for it." You said.

" Why did you come back here? Doesn't your husband miss you?"

You were visibly uncomfortable. You started to spin your wedding band around your finger.

" It's uhh ok if you don't want talk about it."

" No. It's just being back here distracted me from thinking about him being gone. He uhh he died. 2 years ago....cancer. I used to do this before we decide to live together. That was 5 years ago. We were only married for 3."

" i-i didn't know that. I'm so sorry." Tom saw your eyes tearing up.

"It's not your fault. It happens. Still miss him though." You fought back your tears. You cleared your throat in attempt to shake off your feelings. It was quiet for a moment until you broke the silence.

" So why are you here? I mean coming to Alaska from where? Darby? That's a scary distance. And alone?"

Tom was hesitant at first but after what you told him. He didn't think talking about losing Ruth was so bad compared to your lose.

He explained everything and there was a brief moment of silence before you laughed.

" Oye is my tragedy that funny to ya?"

You shook your head as you tried to control your laughter. " Uh noo I'm sorry it's not funny. It's just- you moved here because you ex was gay? I don't get it. You left your family and everything you ever knew to work at some stupid lodge in America. Shit if this wasn't where I grew up, I would have loved to live in a different country. Because this fucking country sucks."

Tom couldn't help but laugh at your candor. It was quite off that he was still hurt about something that happens almost 9 years ago.

" You know people can't choose who the love. It just happens. And if we are lucky enough, that love continues even after death."

Your words broke his heart. You both had found love. But it was torn away from you. Now all that's left was empty shells. He want to hug you but felt like it wasn't the right time. Tom left that night in hopes to spend more nights with his new friend. He thought that maybe if you would let him he could make this life a bit better for you. He felt something that night. Something similar to the feeling he got on the plane. But now it was different. He liked you. And now he didn't have to feel bad about it. He could pursue you without any repercussions.

...

[safetyrat]

Ponk did a banger improvised speech in his stream yesterday (“Dream SMP---> Master Oogway shrine pt.93”), about 15 minutes in.

And I decided, as you do when your fave only feeds you crumbs of roleplay, to write a bit analyzing it (From this point on it’s all /rp)!!

Ponk starts by looking down the L’manburg crater and talking about the cycle of conflicts on the server. As one of the original eight members on the SMP he has been apart of most of it, even if sometimes neutral and from an outside perspective. Different to characters like Technoblade, he doesn’t view countries or governments as the root of said conflicts. Instead, it’s something more fundamental, basic - it’s civilization:

“Civilization is just a brutal cycle of destruction and corruption”

Before L’manburg, before any kind of power structure, there have been conflicts. The disc war, Ponks lemon trees burning - the only thing as constant as conflict on the Dream SMP is people living together in an area, trying to make it work.

“Out of corruption, friendship... you know what is born? New civilizations. And you know what happens in civilizations? Conflict”

This isn’t Ponk criticizing the concept of civilization, however. Ponk doesn’t distance himself from people in the way Techno or maybe Hbomb does, he still has attachments, his trees, pets, people, things he cares (or cared) about. Many of his builds are close to the main area. Ponk is a social character, I don’t see a reason to assume otherwise. He doesn’t criticize civilizations in general, but the ones present on the SMP right now. Because in Ponks eyes, there is only on leader fit to run.

“You see, the only man, who could run a civilization, died fighting for a civilization that he took under his wing”, Ponk says, “and he lays rest over there”

When Ponk zoomed onto Schlatts grave, it caught me off guard at first.

But it makes sense. I don’t see many people talking about it, but there was a time where Ponk was the only person on Schlatts side. He entered a trade deal with Manberg and became a loyal supporter of Schlatt. During that time there was a plotline surrounding the building of the “Manburg Hotel” – that was Ponks job. After Tubbo died during the festival he was the only builder left in Manburg.

Ponk never got to finish the hotel, he had a falling out with Schlatt about how he refused to get treated for his declining health, but the first floor and scaffolding outline stood strong until November 16th. He joined Pogtopia to be their doctor instead, being the last person to switch sides iirc, but having an argument because of Schlatts health? The thing that later caused his death? That sounds like an argument that you would have with somebody you care about. Ponk cared about Schlatt, and still supports him as a ruler after his death. There’s Fund who keeps Schlatts sword as an heirloom, and there’s Jack Manifold who takes him as an idol to “be worse”, but unapologetically supporting Schlatts leadership postmortem is special to Ponk and very fascinating to me.

Bringing back the cycle of conflict, the Pogtopia vs. Manburg war is not exempt from that. Something being part of a cycle implies that it ends.

“Nothing lasts forever”

Ponk has seen proof of that way too many times, being an original member. He watched Lemon City burn, L’manburg fall, the Community House explode, hell he was close to killing the oldest pet on the server!

“I’m sure Dream will get out of prison”, Ponk says, in a tone that is almost offhand. He is sure of it; Dream can’t be stuck in prison forever on a server in which the concept of “forever” doesn’t exist.

This is brought up when Ponk talks about the egg, which he also views as only one of the conflicts in the cycle.

“What happens after the egg? Sure, the egg could be a common enemy, or a common friend, chat. But when its gone, for things never stay the same?”

This makes him acting indifferent towards the egg feel in character. He isn’t immune to the egg in the way Tommy is for sure; he hears its voice, and it influences him to do things like almost killing Fran. But he still takes it less seriously than most, talking very casually with it (“shut yo ass up, you stupid egg”) for example. If it follows the patterns of past conflicts there is very little reason to be afraid of it, it will pass like every other conflict.

Except, Ponk might see one difference when it comes the egg: It is bigger.

“Maybe one day this conflict will get so large, that we’re pushed out of this land and into a new one”

cc!Ponk talked about how, since this bit was improvised, he doesn’t know if any of what he predicts ends up being canon in future. This still seems like a bit of foreshadowing for a long-theorized world reset after the Minecraft 1.17 update.

The update is said to come out in the summer of this year, so if the reason for the reset is really the egg like c!Ponk speculates, it’s going to be a long arc. Which the arc has been so far too to be fair, it has always had a long setup and in general a slow burn vibe. But if the egg actually continues to be an issue for another 4-5 months, the vines are going to grow so much that there won’t be a realistic way to clean them up fast, so moving would make a lot of sense.

Another option is that the SMP ends in 2-3 months instead and the content creator take a break for a month or too before creating the new world.

All of this is just speculation based on a line of Ponks that he said might not mean anything, so there is still a large chance that there will be other conflicts after the egg.

tldr: Ponk can improvise incredibly cool speeches that illustrate his opinions on how civilization causes conflict and how he believes Schlatt was the only fit ruler. It might also foreshadow that the egg will cause a server reset.

[fairytales-and-folklore]

Fanfic Ask Game

Thanks for the tag @tails89 <3 tagging @princecharmingwinks @nutellarghh @greyhavenisback

What is your total posted word count on AO3? (Go to your Works, then click Statistics.) 

323589

How often do you write? 

Lately it’s been nearly every day, but there have been months-long stretches where I won’t write anything, either because life is being a pain in the ass or because I was too focused on a different kind of creative project like sewing or knitting. Honestly, the huntlow brainrot is a big contributing factor to this summer writing burst — I’ve outlined 20+ stories since May, and have posted 7 of them so far. It feels really good.

Do you have a routine for writing?

Mostly I just need a quiet, comfy, clean setting to write in. Chores done, no big to-do items to distract me or make me feel anxious. No loud noises or flashing lights. I usually prop up my laptop on some pillows on my bed, put on my headphones, and play some soft lyric-less music. Some of my favorite tracks to write to are from tabletop audio.

What’s your favorite tropes/pairing?

I absolutely live for mutual pining and oblivious idiots in love. The more blushing, slow burn sexual and romantic tension, oh and oh no he’s hot moments, and adorable confessions, the better. Also, happy endings. I need my ship to get together and be happy in fluffy domestic bliss by the end.

Pairings: 

My current fixation is Hunter/Willow from The Owl House. My longest-standing pairing I’ve been writing fic on and off for about a decade now is Sterek from Teen Wolf. My first big pairing I ever wrote for that will always hold a special place in my heart is Eleven/Amy from Doctor Who.

Do you have a favorite fic of yours?

Oh that’s difficult. See, I won’t write a fic if I don’t 100% adore the concept, but that being said, I definitely have ones I favor more than others. So I’ll do one two for each of the pairings I just listed.

My actual favorite of all my huntlow fics hasn’t been posted yet (it’s a multi-chapter college AU and it’s still in the works) but of the ones I’ve posted so far, I think A Guard By Any Other Name and Task Failed Successfully are my favorites.

My favorite Sterek fic is between Error 404: Brain Cell Not Found and Hearts Like Wildflowers (though this could change, because I’ve still got about 30 WIPs for them sitting in my queue waiting to be written and posted)

And then for Eleven/Amy, I think I’d have to say that my favorite was the most recent one, posted over three years ago: You Keep My Secrets Hope To Die (Promises Swear Them To The Sky) which had literally been sitting in my drafts since season 5 or 6 of Doctor Who. (So, you see, I do eventually get around to finishing all my WIPs, sometimes it just takes me a while lol)

Your fic with the most kudos?

Error 404: Brain Cell Not Found with 1283 kudos

Anything you don’t like about your writing?

Sometimes I get too in my head about making it sound perfect and spend far more time editing and re-editing the same few lines instead of actually making progress writing the damn thing. I also tend to overthink and feel the need to over-explain certain concepts, worried that if I leave something too vague or open-ended, it’ll get misinterpreted. Also, I have a tendency to get a little too flowery and pretentiously descriptive sometimes, I have a habit of writing stream of consciousness run-on sentences that look like they’re just one big paragraph, and I probably definitely over-use em-dashes lol

Now something you do like?

I’ve been told that I’m really good at capturing a character’s voice, which is a really lovely thing to hear consistently across different fandoms and ships because I pride myself on really getting to know the characters I’m writing for, to the point where I’d feel confident answering questions like “what is their favorite xyz, what would they do in this situation?” I’m also always so incredibly pleased every time I get a comment from someone telling me that my fic was so cute and/or funny that it made them laugh out loud in public or made them flail and screech. I love inciting that level of joy in people ☺️♥️

[minhoinator]

Since there are a lot more new fans since DCM/Atlantis era, I thought I might compile a list of the links and names of Minho's dramas and films he's been in! I'll put it all under the cut and I'll try to keep it update since he seems intent on being booked and busy lol

The Pianist (2010) [youtube] - "Oh Je Ro is a musical genius who had always dream of learning the piano, but had to work in a piano factory as tuner instead of going to school in order to support his sick father. He had despaired of ever being given a chance to learn and thought the name his father gave him sounded like "Oh, Zero", signifying his lack of hope in the future. This changes when he meets an elementary school teacher, Yoon In Sa, and begins a delicate love story with her." (personal note: While you can tell it's his first time acting outside of SHINee's mvs, he's still super cute (granted, I'm very biased, so that anything I say with a grain of salt lol)

Salamander Guru and the Gang (2012) [dramacool] - "A pair of common thieves and a young computer hacker run a fortunetelling scam, while helping people with their personal problems in their spare time." (note: Kibum and Taemin do cameo in this, as well)

To The Beautiful You (2012) [viki] [dramacool] - "A high school girl who's inspired by a gold-medal High Jumper devises a scheme to motivate him by attending his school."

Medical Top Team (2013) [viki] [dramacool] [Minho-only cut] - "A team of elite doctors treats patients while dealing with power struggles within the hospital."

Because It's the First Time (2015) [dramacool] - "A group of young people gather on a rooftop and tell their stories." (note: Taeoh's friends absolutely did not deserve him 😤)

Canola (2016) [dramacool] - "Twelve years after having lost her grand daughter at a market, grand mother and grand daughter become reunited. But things are not as good and perfect as they were twelve years earlier. (note: his first movie! 🥺)

Drinking Solo (2016) [dramacool] - "The story depicts people drinking alcohol alone for different reasons and the romance between Jin Jeong Seok and Park Ha Na. They both work at a private institute for people preparing for their civil service examinations in Noryangjin, Seoul. He is an arrogant, but popular instructor and she is a rookie instructor who struggles to survive in the private institute world." (note: full disclosure, I could not stand the main leads, but I was watching this for Kibum anyways, and he was phenomenal lol Minho just has a cameo appearance in this, and that's episode 5, I believe)

Derailed (2016) [dramacool] - "Four runaways trying to survive and make ends meet struggle day by day. Enter Ma Dong-Seok. He tried to help but they took advantage of the wrong guy. So it's the classic mistake of wrong guy at the wrong time." (note: one of my favorite roles he's done. he didn't have to go as hard as he did but he did and i'm grateful)

Hwarang: The Poet Warrior Youth (2016-2017) [viki] [dramacool] - "Revolves around an elite group of male warrior youth called Hwarang who grow through passion and love in Seorabeol, the capital of the ancient kingdom of Silla." (note: i have watched this....many times. I love it unapologetically. Kim Sooho has done nothing wrong ever in his life)

Somehow 18 (2017) [dramacool] - "A handsome orthopedic surgeon loses his first love who committed suicide when he was in his high school days. To save her he gets the chance to go back in time."

The Most Beautiful Goodbye in the World (2017) [dramacool] - "The story revolves around a family with their highs and lows when their beloved mother only has one month left to live." (note: I bought this one on dvd so i could watch it when I'm ready but it sounds so sad 🥺 i have to psych myself up for it)

The Princess and the Matchmaker (2018) [dramacool] - "Princess Songhwa refuses her fate of marrying someone who matches her marital harmony. There are four men on her future husband list with different fate signs. Refusing her fate, she decides to leave the palace and find her husband by herself. Seo Do Yoon is a person who interprets marital harmony signs. He is very skilled at his craft and, consequently, selected as the one to read the marital harmony signs between Princess Songhwa and the four men on her husband list."

Illang: The Wolf Brigade (2018) [dramacool] - "Set in the distant future where both North and South Koreas agree to establish a joint government, which has been in preparation for a duration of seven years, the plot focuses on political uprisings on opposing sides which grow fierce when a special police unit is formed to stop the chaos." (note: 🥺😭)

The Battle of Jangsari (2019) [viki] [dramacool] - "A unit of student soldiers on a diversionary mission for the Battle of Incheon during the Korean War in 1950." (note: yeah so i was a complete mess for like the last twenty minutes so just prepare yourself (it's well worth it, though, he was absolutely amazing in this))

Lovestruck in the City (2020-2021) [dramacool] - "Park Chae Won, an honest and overly passionate architect who loves the city streets. After a woman that he calls the “camera thief” steals his heart one summer night and then disappears, he is unable to get over her. Lee Eun Oh, a freelance marketer who spontaneously decides to adopt a false identity in an unfamiliar place. She accidentally ends up falling in love with Park Chae Won while posing as the free-spirited Yoon Sun Ah."

Yumi's Cells (2021) [viki] [dramacool] - "The story of an ordinary office worker named Yumi-from the point of view of the many brain cells in her head controlling her every thought, feeling, and action." (note: just, so adorable so far. Minho plays a side character who shows up occasionally (heavily in the first two episodes), but the story is based off of a web comic that I read when I found out he got cast as Wook and honestly it's worth the watch even if he wasn't in it)

[just-here-for-the-moment]

For the DIFFERENT POV GAME:

I want Javi’s POV on this whole adorable scene.

Okay, my Queen @quica-quica-quica, I want you to know that I suuuuucked in a huge breath when I saw this Ask, because I was entirely unsure if I could do this. It seemed like a really hard challenge, but FOR YOU I’ll try anything.

I dug in to see what I could do, and of course because I can’t just write succinctly I had to start waaaaaay back in the beginning of the story to get Javier where I needed him for the phone number scene… hope that’s okay!!

Thank you for challenging me this way! This went from scary to amazing in just a few days! I love you so much, my friend!!!

---

Coffee Shop Girl (a companion piece to “For Now” told from Javier’s point of view)

Word count: 3000+

Rating: mature, 18+ only

Outline: Javier Peña x “You” (Austin coffee shop barista; cis/het female reader; “blank canvas”/no physical description/no name/no use of “Y/N”)

Warnings: slow-burn; references to previous hiring of sex workers; cigarette smoking; Javier masturbating

Javier Peña felt like he was at loose ends. Not for the first time in his life, but it’s different feeling ‘lost’ as a young man than feeling ‘lost’ when you’re on the wrong side of 40. At least a teenager can still expect their whole life ahead of them. Since leaving the DEA and the fight in Colombia behind, he had been feeling directionless.

Spending some time at his dad’s ranch in Laredo had helped, the way that hard labor and sweat always does. It left him too tired to ruminate, to sink into the blues and feel sorry for himself. He had lined up a teaching job at a university in D.C. but it didn’t start until the fall semester, and Javier wasn’t looking forward to an entire blazing-hot summer on the ranch. So when his friend Bill called from Austin and offered a short contract job doing consulting for one of the state agencies, he jumped at the chance.

Javier landed at Mueller Airport at 2:00 in the afternoon on the second Saturday in June. He made his way out of luggage pickup to the Hertz desk and signed for a rental car. It didn’t take him long to find the apartment complex where Bill had arranged for him to stay. Bill’s coworker’s son had graduated from UT Austin in May, and the lease wasn’t up until August, so everything worked out perfectly. Javi could sublet for the remainder of the summer, and the apartment complex was close enough to the office that he could take the bus, meaning he wouldn’t have to put too many miles on the rental car or pay for parking downtown. A small, blandly furnished one-bedroom apartment near work was perfect. He could make it work for two months, and he had certainly lived in much worse places during his years traveling.

On Monday Javier was introduced around the office and given his portfolio of cases to consult on. He also found out that the coffee in the office was total shit. He had spent too many years drinking government-grade slop at the DEA and other agencies to put up with it now. He wasn’t one to complain, or to order any of the frilly new designer coffee drinks that seemed to be making the rounds among the ladies in the secretarial pool, but he had noticed a coffee shop between here and the bus stop. Some local place, one of those Austin things where they boasted about fair trade and locally roasted beans. If they made a decent cup of black coffee he could splurge, buy a cup on his way into the office each day.

The bus dropped him off at the corner at 7:45, so he could grab a coffee and still be on time to work at 8:00. Punctuality wasn’t always his strong suit, but Javier wanted to at least make a good impression while he was consulting. You never knew who might be a network contact to something good, and he didn’t want to screw Bill over after he had recommended him for the contract.

Tuesday Javier tried the coffee shop and found out that their coffee was not only decent for the price, it was actually good. Wednesday he went back again, this time brushing fingers with the pretty barista by accident. He offered her a “thanks” and then went on his way. Thursday he walked in and stood patiently in line behind two stoner kids trying to make up their minds between breakfast tacos and blueberry muffins. The pretty barista was there again, and she waved him over with a smile, indicating he could skip to the counter and leave the hippie kids in line.

“Black coffee, right?” Her smile actually reached her eyes, and for a moment Javier was very glad for all of the body language and psychology classes he had ever had to sit through. It was nice having a pretty lady smile at you to start your morning, and even better that this one already knew his order. She was quick, he figured, and good at her job if she had his order memorized after only two days as a customer. Not that ‘black coffee, to go’ was a difficult order, but he hadn’t expected to become a regular so quickly.

He smiled and nodded, “That’s right. Thank you.” He looked for a wedding ring and then for a nametag on her black apron, but didn’t see either one. He slid a rumpled $5 bill across the counter, larger than the singles he had paid with the previous two days, but she was nice. “Keep the change.”

He thought he saw her bite her lip as she turned away, and while she was fixing his cup he took a moment to check her out. He wasn’t some kind of pervert who would goose her from over the counter, but from what he could see she was attractive. Hell, most women were attractive to Javier. He suddenly realized it had been a while since he’d gotten laid. His last relationship was years past, and he no longer visited prostitutes regularly. Javier wasn’t a ‘reformed man’ by any means, it was just that that habit had been limited to a specific time and place in his life where he wasn’t stable enough to have a long-term relationship, and it had the added bonus of gathering intelligence.

The barista turned back to him with the cup and when she handed it off their eyes locked and their fingers touched again. He saw her pupils dilate and recognized the little spark that turned over in his own gut. Damn, she really was attractive. But Javier didn’t want to be the kind of lecherous guy who hit on a woman while she was working. Too many men mistook the minimum of customer service friendliness for a sexual invitation. Or worse, like the men who hit on waitresses on purpose since they couldn’t be outright rude to stop them. Javier suppressed a smile and took the cup from her, nodding his thanks.

On Friday when he breezed into the coffee shop he saw the pretty barista smile from behind the counter, and she immediately turned and started pouring his to-go cup. She turned back and gave him the ‘what’s up’ chin nod while holding his cup up. Javier walked up and he slid a few singles across the counter to her.

Javier gave her a warm, “Thanks,” and winked at her. That was at least a harmless bit of flirting, in line with her bright smiles and her friendliness so far. If she liked it, great; and if not, then at least he hadn’t made her uncomfortable by asking for her number or hitting on her directly. When he said, “See you next week,” she smiled that bright smile back. Javier noticed that it again reached her eyes, lighting them up just a bit more than last time. A good sign.

The weekend dragged but Javier filled it up with errands: a run to HEB for groceries and to Highland Mall for a new shirt. If there was the possibility of a date sometime in the next few weeks he at least wanted to wear something other than his work clothes. Saturday night he ordered pizza and watched a movie on TV, some lame action movie with giant muscled guys shooting way too many bullets, and of course all the curse words and a sex scene edited out for network TV. Can’t let the kiddies hear the word ‘shit’ while they’re flipping channels, but watching Stallone blow a guy’s head off is good for their growing brains. He finished his pizza and a cigarette and then felt that tug, the loose ends, a little bored.

Javier took a shower and his mind went to the pretty barista, that smile, the sparkly eyes. He thought about those eyes looking up at him through her lashes, or down at him from on top. He wondered what her skin felt like, imagining the rest of her naked, spread out, touching him all over. He felt a little bit creepy touching himself to the thought of her, hoping it didn’t make him a bad person, hoping he would see her again on Monday. But fuck it, he needed the release. Javier came, spurting hot in the steamy shower as he leaned his head on his forearm and groaned into the cold tile wall. He wished he at least knew her name.

Sunday Javier slept in and then did laundry, tidied up the apartment, and took a jog around the neighborhood. He tried to talk himself out of a repeat of Saturday’s shower. It didn’t work.

On Monday Javier lit up as soon as he stepped off the bus. The first week of the consulting gig had gone well, but today was a big meeting and he knew the agency was not going to like his recommendations. He was constantly trying to quit, but at least he had cut back recently. He was down to a pack a day and only one cup of coffee. That had to count for something, right? Maybe his doctor would finally get off his back about that.

He smoked as rapidly as he could on his way to the coffee shop, and stubbed the cigarette out as soon as he reached the big window that overlooked the street corner. He tucked his sunglasses into the top pocket of his blazer and opened the door to the coffee shop.

The pretty barista was smiling, looking right at him and already holding up his cup of coffee like a game show model holding a prize. Javier felt his heart give a little squeeze, and he smiled and winked at her again as he approached the counter.

“You psychic or something? Or am I just that predictable?”

“Both, maybe.” She wiggled her eyebrows at him and gave him a toothy grin.

Javier opened his wallet and saw that his smallest bill was a $10, but he decided not to ask for change back. She was attentive to her customers, she had surprised him by having coffee ready, and she was cute. “Great service, keep the change.”

Her face lit up and she turned to put the money in the register. Javier turned and exited the front door, and then decided to look back through the big plate glass window. She was looking at him, and Javier realized that meant that she had watched him leave. He hoped he wouldn’t have to tip $10 every time to get that look. He lifted his cup, nodded at her, and then made his way to the office.

Tuesday she had his coffee ready again, so he gave her another wink with his smile, and he thought that she purposely put her fingers in a spot to touch his as she handed the cup over. He paid with a $5 bill again, and then thought about her smile and her touch all the way to the office a few blocks north. He didn’t want her to think that the overtipping was him trying to come on to her; it really was nice to have his order ready to go every day.

On Wednesday she had his coffee ready again as soon as he walked in, but Javier supposed that was a testament to the bus schedule more than his own punctuality. This time he paid with singles. But he didn’t want her to think the smaller tip was because of anything wrong with her customer service, so he smiled a little more warmly, turning the charm up as much as he dared without just outright hitting on her. He noticed she was looking again through the glass as he left. But of course the only reason he knew that was because he had looked, too.

On Thursday Javier decided that it wouldn’t hurt to flirt a little more obviously, but to give her an out in case she wasn’t interested. He didn’t want to make her uncomfortable or fuck up his supply of good coffee, so he decided to take it a little slow. When he got to the corner he glanced into the window of the coffee shop and saw the pretty barista looking right at him. He took that as a good sign that she might be receptive to his flirting. He opened the door and let someone exit, then walked up to the counter. She pointed at his cup sitting on the counter in front of her, smiling that bright smile.

He arched an eyebrow up. “You trying to get rid of me? In and out so quickly?”

She grinned at him. “Depends on how long you were planning to stay. We close at 1:00 a.m. after open mic tonight. After that you gotta go somewhere else.” That was the most that she’d spoken to him yet. Javier decided to take his chance.

“And what time do you get off, after the morning shift?”

“Depends on who’s asking.” She winked and then bit the inside of her lips, like she had said something she shouldn’t have.

Javier decided to be direct. At least that would give her the chance to say ‘no’ if she wasn’t interested. He locked eyes with her and said, “I am.”

He was relieved to see her flash that big smile, all pretty soft lips and sparkly eyes. “I finish at 1:00, after the lunch rush.”

“Good to know.” He stuck his hand out to shake. “I’m Javier, by the way.” She continued to smile as she gave him her name. When she took his hand she gave a good firm shake, not like one of those women who went limp as soon as they shook a man’s hand. Javier liked her even more.

He fished a few bills out of his wallet. “Can I maybe stop by after your shift, take you to lunch sometime?”

“You can do me one better than that.” She reached down to grip the lid and spun the cup. He saw her name and seven digits scribbled in Sharpie. “My phone number’s on the cup.”

Javier gave her the eyebrows, very much enjoying how direct she was. It was nice to get a clear signal from a pretty lady, instead of having to play guessing games and worry about overstepping. He pursed his lips and nodded in approval.

“You do that for all your customers?”

“Just the best tippers.” And there was her pretty smile and her wink again, so soon after the first one.

Javier decided to give her both barrels. He put his hand out again, palm up instead of a handshake. When she put her hand in his he lifted her knuckles to his lips and pressed a soft kiss, giving her a look from under his eyelashes before he let go.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Javier picked up the cup and left, and gave her a warm smile through the glass as he walked away. As soon as he got to the office he jotted her name and the number on a scrap of paper and tucked it into his wallet. He felt hopeful in a way that he hadn’t for a long time, and he rolled the cup endlessly between his palms while he considered his options. Options. Something he sometimes had taken for granted in life, until those moments where they suddenly ran out.

Javier drained the last of the coffee and then scribbled over her number with a Sharpie before tossing the cup in the trash. No sense in letting her number out into the world where some creep might find it. He smoked his third cigarette of the day out on the plaza and thought about her smile, the brush of her fingers on his, the way she approached him directly. He could use a friend in town, one who wasn’t a guy at the agency or an old college buddy. One who was soft and sweet and might be open to a date… or more. He checked his watch and calculated the hours until 1:00 p.m.

Normally he wouldn’t go back to the coffee shop until tomorrow morning, but it wouldn’t hurt to pop back over there today at the end of her shift, see if she wanted to grab lunch, right? He hoped it wouldn’t scare her off, going back so quickly. He stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray by the lobby door and jogged back up to his office, taking the stairs two at a time. He wanted to finish up, get this meeting over with, see if he could get over to the coffee shop before she left. He sat in the meeting, watching the clock hands spin slowly, listening to someone drone on about a budget issue that didn’t impact his work, and which could have been a memo in the first place. He felt his irritation creep up the longer the meeting went on.

Finally the meeting closed and Javier hopped to his feet. He told Bill he was headed to lunch and then jogged back down the stairwell instead of waiting for the elevator. He walked the few blocks to the coffee shop, keeping an eye on his watch. He hoped he wouldn’t miss her.

When he got to the coffee shop he opened the door and let his eyes adjust to the dim light for a moment. And then he saw her, slinging her bag over one shoulder and coming out from behind the counter. Javier smiled.

She stopped a foot away and smiled softly, “Hey.”

Javier realized he was still wearing his sunglasses, no wonder it was so dark. He took them off and slipped them into his blazer pocket. He really hoped she wouldn’t think it was weird, him coming back so soon.

“Hey, I’m glad I caught you. Are you busy, or can I take you to lunch today?”

Her face lit up. Good sign. “No, I’m not busy. I’d love to go.”

She gestured out the big window, “There’s a sandwich place around the corner, and a park we can go sit in.”

Javier felt his face split into a wide grin. “That’s perfect.”

---

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[nejibaby]

Want You Back

Pairings: Portgas D. Ace x Y/N

Song reference/inspiration: Want You Back by 5 Seconds of Summer

Summary: You broke up with Ace a few days before he sets off to become a pirate. You thought that it would probably be the last day you’d ever see him again. But you meet him once again in Alabasta.

Word count: 7k

A/N: This somehow turned out to be too long for my style lol but I just can’t get enough of Ace… Anyway, I hope you have fun reading this as much as I loved writing it. Please let me know your thoughts~

Reposting this because Tumblr $uck$. Please turn a blind eye if you’ve seen this post already last Feb lol

You’re walking down the streets of Nanohana, purchasing water and provisions for your trip when you suddenly stop in your tracks as you see a merchant selling orange roses.

The orange roses don’t intrigue you per se since you’ve long learned that such color could be produced by cross-breeding red roses with yellow roses, however, it’s not often you see such wonderful, healthy flowers in a desert town. That, and well, the sight brought back memories of your past with your first love who you fell in love with too young, too hard, too fast.

You could almost hear the pitter patter of the rain on that eventful day. You could almost see the dark sky on the horizon. You could almost feel the same aching sensation on your heart. The orange roses reminds you of the day you broke up with your first love.

You were both only seventeen then. It was just a few days before his departure; before his journey to fulfill his dream on becoming a pirate. You supported him in his dream, you really did. You believed in him, he’s strong. Reckless, but strong, and determined. He promised he’d come back to you after he’s proven himself, but that’s when you doubted him. That’s the only time you doubted.

While he wanted to be a pirate, you wanted to be a scientist. You have had a curious mind since you were young and it never really went away until now that you’re twenty. When you were younger you’d question, “Why is the sky blue?”or “Why does it rain?” or “How much salt is in the ocean?” But when you grew older, the questions evolved to “What is the mechanism behind this?” or “What would happen to this if certain variables changed?”

He craved for validation while you craved for knowledge.

You thought that it just wouldn’t work out between the two of you. He doesn’t need a scientist and you didn’t need a pirate to achieve your dreams.

Sure, it was possible for a long distance relationship, but you didn’t think you could handle that much distance. It would drive you crazy. You could barely handle the days when you’re at Windmill Village and he’s at Mt. Colubo, living with Dadan Family. And those two places weren’t even that far from each other. It was the trek there that was dangerous so when you were younger, before the two of you even started dating, you always have to come with your aunt Makino, and Woop Slap to get there and visit him, Luffy, and Sabo.

When you were ten years old, you only visited once in three months and then somehow it turned to twice in a month. When you reached thirteen years old, you were finally allowed to go there by yourself wherein you’d visit weekly, sometimes even stay the night. Dadan was actually apprehensive of letting you spend your days there, because she claimed she doesn’t like kids, but you were the only kid on her watch that actually did chores so she eventually relented. Those were the days you loved most, because he was just so close, you didn’t have to worry too much about him.

But soon enough he was leaving. Everyday he promised he’d come back but you doubted. The Grand Line is such a dangerous place. It‘s referred to as the Pirates’ Graveyard by everyone. It was even written in some books you’ve read about the sea. If that wasn’t enough reason to be worried sick, statistics say only a handful of men were able to come out of it alive. While you knew he’s strong, you also knew strength just wasn’t enough.

Truth be told, you wanted to travel the seas too, out of curiosity, of course. There were so many mysteries about the sea, so many unexplained phenomena, so many undiscovered things — things that you wanted to learn about. But you weren’t brave enough nor were you strong so you abandoned that thought.

Orange roses adorned your shirt on that day. You remember the feeling of the raindrops pouring over your body. It was raining in the middle of the night and you were outside Dadan’s house. You were soaked but you didn’t plan on taking cover anytime soon. You just sat outside, wallowing in despair for what you’re about to do.

“Y/N? What are ya doing here? You’re going to get sick!” He called out.

“Why are you still up, Ace?” You asked.

“I wanted to check on you but you weren’t in bed.”

You remember feeling your heart stutter at his words. Ace was rough around the edges but he was always gentle and sweet when it came to you. And you were just about to break his heart.

“Ace, we should break up.”

You remember the way he laughed as if you were telling him a joke. “Oi, don’t joke about things like that.” But he faltered when you didn’t laugh with him.

You couldn’t help but wonder if that was the last time you’d see his face. You stared at his face for a while longer, memorizing his face before saying, “This will never work.”

You expected him to shout, to ask you why, to demand answers. But he just gave you a look of betrayal. Your heart dropped at the sight of that. Your vision became blurry from tears that were threatening to fall. He looked away. Were those tears in his eyes or was that just the fucking rain?

You desperately wished he’d say something, anything. You just wanted to hear his voice again. But there was no response, he just clenched his fists and his jaw, and then he was walking away.

You didn’t have it in you to stay at Dadan’s house after doing such a cruel thing so you left that night after crying a few hours after Ace walked away. You left a note for Dadan though, telling her you were feeling sick and you went home, just so she doesn’t worry about your sudden disappearance.

You really did get sick after that day. Even on the day of his departure you were sick. Makino didn’t allow you to come and see him go but she promised she’d explain why you weren’t there. Despite that, you still did it anyway, you still went there, but you hid behind trees. How could you not? You might never see him ever again. Okay, maybe you’d see him in the newspaper or the wanted posters, but probably never face to face, so you pushed yourself to come. You were glad you did, at least you got to see him smile so radiantly before he left.

A couple of months after he braved the seas, you left Windmill Village too to study science in a different town. But life didn’t really work out the way you wanted it to. In a series of misfortunes, you ended up becoming a pirate too, albeit temporarily, just to finance your dream.

The only thing that you lucked out on was your captain Naguri, an old man who used to be the captain of the doctor you apprenticed to. The doctor who you worked with didn’t want to continue becoming a pirate due to his old age so he recommended you to Naguri as a substitute. Naguri welcomed you to his crew despite you specifically telling him you’d only accompany them for five years and that you were only in it for the treasures. He told you it was fine and that five years was enough so you ended up joining them.

You went from wanting to study science to becoming an apprentice of a pirate doctor to becoming a pirate yourself and having a bounty for your head in a span of three years. If you only knew you’d be a pirate, you wouldn’t have broken things off with Ace. You would’ve just gone with him. But it was too late now.

You sigh as you touch the orange rose. It reminded you of the worst night of your life but you don’t dare to forget it since it was a memory of the last day you got to spend with him.

“Would you like to buy one, miss?” The merchant asks. “It’s—”

You didn’t get to hear the price of the rose because a familiar scream suddenly fills the air. When you whip your head to the direction of the sound, you see a very familiar straw hat on a man running away from Marines. Then it dawns to you that the man is Luffy.

You quickly scramble for your money to buy a single orange rose and then you run towards Luffy. Maybe it wasn’t the right decision to come after him, mainly because he’s being chased by Marines and you’re a wanted pirate too with a 25,000,000 bounty for your head. But he’s your best friend and you haven’t seen him for three years! That, and well, he’s in trouble so it’s not like you’d turn a blind eye on that.

Not a while later, you notice that the marine commander who’s chasing Luffy is Smoker, who is notoriously known for never letting pirates escape from his area of jurisdiction. As far as you know, Smoker is assigned at Loguetown so you wonder why he’s in Alabasta. And then you realize it’s Luffy he’s after. That dumbass could never lie low. You shake your head, Luffy almost always attracts trouble. That’s one thing that hasn’t changed with him yet.

You’re about to step in to save Luffy or at least, to buy him some time to escape when you hear another familiar voice.

“Heat Haze!”

You stop in your tracks as you saw a blast of fire stop the smoke attack and then his figure appears.

Ace.

You watch as he smirks at the Marine Commander, “Give it up. You may be smoke, but I’m fire. With our abilities, a fight would be pointless.”

Ah, Ace is a devil fruit user now. No wonder he’s known as “Fire Fist Ace.”

“Ace!” Luffy says, shocked.

“You never change, Luffy.”

They briefly talk about something, you aren’t able to catch it because your eyes are scanning over Ace. You can’t believe he’s there. You feel your heart beat faster at the sight of him. He’s more muscular now and taller. He looked healthier and stronger too. He’s still as attractive as ever, maybe even more than before. He’s grown into such a fine man.

But this isn’t really the time to be ogling your past lover. You still have Luffy to worry about. So despite the fact that you wanted to stay and watch Ace fight, you sprint off to catch up with Luffy and his friends.

In that instance, you realize that there’s a huge difference between the speed of a person when they’re running away from something (usually from danger), and the speed of a person when they’re running to catch up with someone. While you could see that his friends are running around together in one path, you don’t see Luffy’s straw hat in the group. You may have underestimated his abilities to get lost. With a sigh, you try to look for him in a different route.

You’re awfully tired by the time you find Luffy. And you’re pretty late too because he’s already with Ace and they’re in the middle of another brawl. It’s just like the two of them to get into a fight with a bunch of people. This time it’s with the Billions from Baroque Works.

You want to assist them in their fight even if they don’t seem to have a problem handling thugs like those. After all, you’ve grown to be a great fighter now.

You were pretty much a wimp when you were younger, so you may or may not want to actually show off the fighting skills you learned from your crewmates which led you to have a bounty for your head.

However, your stamina isn’t really that great yet so you still have to catch your breath first. You sit on a stray crate, watching the two fight against the group, just like the old days.

Ace didn’t know what prompted him to look behind him while Luffy stretched his arms to attack a man with a huge sword. But what he sees stuns him. There you are, just a few meters away, casually sitting on a crate with your head tilted slightly to the right and arms crossed over your chest. His breath hitches. He asks himself, were you really there this time or was it just another one of his imaginations?

You’re surprised when Ace snaps his head at your direction. You feel your body involuntarily jolt when you lock your eyes with him. Even after all these years, he still makes your heart flutter.

“Gomu gomu no Bazooka!” Luffy finishes his attack on his opponent.

Ace doesn’t look away from you as if you’d suddenly disappear if he even dared to blink. “Is that…?” He whispers.

“Hmm?” Luffy asks, not really sure what Ace is referring to. Then he follows Ace’s line of sight. When he sees you there, a smile finds his face almost immediately.

Luffy is the first one to approach you. “Oi, Y/N! It’s been a while!”

You grin. “I know right? I haven’t seen you in ages, Luffy! I saw your poster the other week, you’ve gotten yourself a pretty huge bounty.”

Luffy laughs at your statement, you’re pretty sure he’s proud of himself, so unlike you, who panicked after finding out about your own wanted poster.

Ace steps in while Luffy laughs. “Y/N?”

He merely said your name, but it made butterflies erupt in your stomach.

“A-Ace,” you stutter awkwardly, blood rushing to your face as you do so. You internally scold yourself, how dare you act like this when you broke his heart three years ago.

“Isn’t that the pirate Y/N?! The one with a bounty of 25,000,000 beli?”

You and Ace didn’t notice the fear etched on the faces of the other Billions as they stared at your group. You and Ace didn’t notice that Luffy has started walking again. You’re both too focused with each other to the point where you feel like nothing else mattered.

The two of you only snapped back to reality when Luffy turned around and said, “Aren’t you two coming? We still have to find my ship and my friends.”

You give Luffy a sheepish smile and then mumble a soft apology. You get off of the crate and make your way towards Luffy. Ace follows closely behind you.

After walking around the block, Luffy points out, “Ah, the ocean!”

The three of you make your way to the coast. “See your ship?” Ace asks. Luffy looks around to find his ship.

You sigh as the same group of thugs come into view again. “You won’t escape!” One of them says.

“You guys don’t know when to quit,” Ace says rather irritatedly.

You know Ace never backs down from a fight so it was kind of a surprise to you when he didn’t finish off the enemies a while back, but then again, time was of essence considering the Marines were hot on Luffy’s track. Yet, a small part of you reasons that maybe it’s because you’re there that he wants to avoid an all out attack from the group.

Before you could come up with another theory about it though, Luffy declares that he’s found his ship and proceeds on waving at them.

Then without a warning, Luffy grabs you. He loops his arm a few times over your stomach and then uses his other arm to reach for the railing of his ship. The next thing you know, the two of you are zooming towards the ship at an insanely fast speed.

And then you both crash. If that wasn’t bad enough, instead of crashing on the floor, you crash on someone. Luffy only laughs as he stands up, “Sorry about that, Sanji, Chopper, Y/N.”

“Bastard!” says the blonde male who you both crashed into. He grabs Luffy and shakes him, “Don’t you know your own strength?! I oughta throw you overboard!”

It takes a while for you to gather your bearings. By the time you do, the blonde male has released his grip on Luffy and was done on threatening him. Now it’s your turn. You hit him on the head, “Can’t you be any more careful, Luffy?!”

“Ah! It hurts, Y/N! Why does it hurt?” He complains as he rubs on the spot you hit.

You hit him once again, “I’ll have you know Gramps Garp would hit you harder if he learned what you did to me. I’m just simply giving you the gentler version of his Fist of Love.”

Garp is Luffy’s paternal grandfather. While you aren’t related by blood with him, Garp treats you way better than he treats Luffy, mainly because you’re the only friend of Luffy who didn’t really want to be a pirate. Because Garp dotes on you as if you were blood related, you always use his name when trying to reason or argue with Luffy because you know your best friend absolutely hates the Fist of Love.

“I said I’m sorry!”

You only huff in response and then cross your arms. When you turn your head to look away from him, you realize that Luffy’s crew is staring at you.

Once again you feel the blood rushing to your face, but this time from embarrassment. You bow your head, saying, “Sorry for the commotion and for, uh, coming here so suddenly. I’m a friend of this dumbass, please call me Y/N.”

The blonde male is first to react, “Luffy, you didn’t tell me you have such a beautiful friend! Oh, and she’s a belly dancer too!” He exclaims with hearts in his eyes.

Ah, he’s referring to the clothes you’re wearing. “Oh, I’m not. This is kind of a disguise,” you explain. And then you add, “I’m sorry we crashed into you.”

“I’d let you crash into me anytime,” he declares. “I’m Sanji, by the way, but you can always call me yours.”

You chuckled at him. You’ve heard that line so many times before, it’s getting ridiculous. You’re assuming the rest of the crew did too, considering you hear a collective groan from them after hearing Sanji’s words.

After that he clears his throat. All of a sudden his aura changes. “You must have a bounty on you, because those looks can kill,” he says in a rather charismatic way while lighting a cigarette and slowly walking to your direction.

Sanji never reaches you though. He’s just a few steps away from you when your sight of him is blocked by a familiar freckled back with a well known tattoo.

What an odd timing to appear.

“Actually,” Ace starts to say, “she does have a bounty.”

You know Ace isn’t the type to read the newspaper so you’re surprised he knew about your bounty.

“Oh, Ace! These are the nakama I was telling you about,” Luffy interrupts.

Ace tears away his gaze on Sanji and then bows, “Oh, why hello everyone. I trust my little brother has been in your care.”

“Yes, he has,” the crew replies, bowing as well.

“He has no manners, so he’ll probably end up burning your hands a few times…”

“Yes, he has.”

“I’ll entrust him to you.”

You bite your lip to prevent the smile that’s threatening to appear on your face. Ace truly has mastered the art of being polite.

“I thought the guy Luffy described would be some selfish, arrogant jerk…” A guy with a long nose says.

“It’s a lie. Someone this polite can’t be Luffy’s brother,” says the woman with orange hair.

The only person you actually know from this ship aside from Ace and Luffy is Roronoa Zoro, the pirate hunter. He says, “He’s such a better person than his brother!”

“Brotherhood is a wonderful thing,” cries a reindeer.

“It doesn’t make sense. The sea’s a mysterious place,” Sanji notes.

Ah, if they only knew Ace before. You chuckle.

Wait. A talking reindeer?!

You’re usually composed, but every now and then you do get excited when something interests you. From the amount of times you’ve spent with Luffy, you kind of react the same way when he’s excited.

You immediately step aside from Ace’s back and walk towards the talking reindeer. You stop a feet away in front of him, just enough so he doesn’t get too scared.

But the reindeer still gets scared. He tries to hide behind the lady with orange hair, except his body is fully exposed.

You still smile though. “What a cute little talking reindeer!”

Then the reindeer suddenly blushes and smiles, “Don’t think I’ll be happy that you called me cute, you bastard.”

“Y/N, that’s Chopper. He’s our doctor. Isn’t he cool?”

“So cool!” You nod as Chopper continues to dance. “Are you a devil fruit user too? Can I have a blood sample?”

Devil fruits are extremely rare especially in the East Blue and you’ve only ever caught sight of its users on the Grand Line. So when you meet someone who has such abilities, you couldn’t hold yourself back from asking for a blood sample. It’s a trait that your crewmates hate about you because you ask even if the devil fruit user is an opponent. This was actually one of the reasons why they trained you in combat, because that trait often gets you in trouble.

Seeing that you’re a pretty nice person, Chopper agrees.

“You too, Luffy, Ace.” It’s more of an order when it comes to those two. Your excitement about the devil fruit temporarily overpowers your awkwardness with Ace.

The two look at each other and shrug. You didn’t really give them any choice.

Before you can even grab a vial and a syringe, the lady with blue hair interrupts. “Baroque Works! That’s the Billions fleet!” She says, looking over five ships.

“Them again?” Luffy asks.

“Luffy,” Ace calls.

“Hm?”

“I’ll clean them up.” Without saying anything more, he jumps down to his boat and speeds off towards the ships. All five of the ships get destroyed after a single Fire Fist.

Ace truly has become stronger. Your heart swells with pride at his growth. He’s become such a reliable person. If only you didn’t break his heart, you’d be calling him yours and bragging about him.

When everything dies down and Ace settles back into the ship, everyone introduces themselves individually. Then Sanji prepares something to eat for everyone.

Sanji gives the males sake to drink while he gives you and the ladies a special drink. “Y/N-chwaan~” He affectionately calls your name as he hands you a glass of the drink he prepared.

You smile at him as you thank him and he instantly swoons. He walks away happily with hearts on his eyes after the interaction. You have never met a man like him before and that’s saying something because you’ve been to a lot of places and met a bunch of men from the three years of your journey as a pirate. Quite frankly, it’s amusing for you.

But not so much for everyone else. You can tell by the sudden rise in the temperature, and you know right at once it’s because of Ace.

You look over to him only to find him already staring intently at you. You’re not dumb, you know he’s jealous. Still though, his reaction surprised you.

In your years dating him, he never really became jealous. Maybe because the only male persons he’s seen you ever hang out with is him, Luffy, and Sabo. While that much is true, having worked at Party’s bar meant you meet a lot of people and Ace knew that. You’d even tell him about encounters with males but he doesn’t really worry about it, unless they hurt you. You think that maybe he reacts that way back then because you were his but right now, you aren’t.

He only removes his gaze from you when Usopp says, “This is great! Ace and Y/N are our nakama!”

“Kanpai!”

“Who said I’d be your nakama?” Ace raises an eyebrow but he’s ultimately ignored by Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper.

“To delicious drinks,” Usopp toasts.

“Kanpai!”

“Don’t worry about them,” Nami says, “These guys are always looking for a reason to kanpai.”

“Ace, Y/N, are you really going to be our nakama?”

You answer first. “Nah, I’m only here for research and to… Uhm…” you look over quickly to Vivi who apparently was a princess in the kingdom, “…to purchase dance powder.”

It’s funny how you feel bad for purchasing something illegal when you practically do illegal things everyday as a pirate.

Before Vivi could react, you explain. “I only bought a small amount. I just want to identify the content of rainwater from an artificial source. I also wanted to know the composition of the dance powder itself. That’s all.”

“Ehh? That’s it? But why don’t you just come to our crew?” Luffy whines.

“Idiot. Your brother mentioned a while ago that she has a bounty. That means she’s a pirate too,” Zoro says.

“What?! You’re a pirate?! You said you didn’t want to be a pirate!”

“Yeah, well I couldn’t pursue my studies if I didn’t have the money,” you say. “Besides, our captain agreed to have me for five years only. I’ve been with them for three. Ask me again after two years, maybe I’ll reconsider.”

“I don’t want to wait for two years! Join us now!”

You hit Luffy on the head while Usopp scolds him, “You can’t just force her to come.”

“Why not?” Luffy asks. You raise your fist to hit him again. This prompts him to say, “Okay, okay, fine. I’ll ask you again some other time, just don’t hit me anymore!”

Ace looks like he wanted to say something to you but Luffy turns to him and asks if he’s going to join his crew. He looks away from you reluctantly and then focuses on Luffy. “I won’t. I’m in pursuit of a man. He’s known as Blackbeard.”

“Blackbeard?” Usopp repeats.

Vivi asks, “The pirate that sacked the Kingdom of Drum?”

He nods, “He used to be a member of Whitebeard pirates, Second Division. My subordinate. Until he committed the greatest crime you can on a pirate ship… He murdered his nakama and fled the ship. As the Commander, I have to find him and finish him off.”

“So that’s why you’re after him.”

“The only reason I came to this country is because he was reportedly seen in Yuba.”

“Then you’re going to the same place we’re going,” Nami says.

Then Vivi gets a map and explains the route to him.

“I get it. So you’re headed to Yuba too.”

In the background, Sanji says, “Wherever Nami-swan, Vivi-chwan, and Y/N-chwan go, I’ll go~”

“Beat it, Love Cook,” Zoro says.

“What did you say, bastard?”

A fight between the two almost ensues when Nami says, “Anyway, looks like you’ll be travelling with us for a little while.”

Usopp looks the happiest at that. “With you along, this’ll be a cinch!”

“What about you, Y/N? What do you plan on doing?” Nami asks.

You purse your lips, thinking. Isn’t it a little bit selfish of you if you stayed just so you could spend a little more time with Ace?

“Please stay with us a little longer, Y/N-chwan~” Sanji pleads.

While Ace wants you to stay, he didn’t really like seeing another man openly expressing his fondness to you. Unconsciously, he causes the temperature to rise once again, which you’re quick to notice.

You wonder if the rise in the temperature meant that Ace doesn’t want you to stick around. You quickly dismiss the idea though, when he speaks up, “Yeah, Y/N, why don’t you join us for a little while?”

How could you refuse when he personally asks you to stay?

“Do I even have a choice?” You ask nonchalantly, playing it cool as if you didn’t want to stay.

“No!” Luffy grins.

Just like that, you stay.

Later on you find yourself in the kitchen sitting across Luffy and Usopp. They’re playing with their foods when Ace enters the kitchen. He plops down beside you and you instantly feel your heart thump faster. He didn’t even do anything out of the ordinary and yet he makes you feel like this. It’s not fair that Ace looks so relaxed while you’re desperately trying to calm your heart.

Then you jump in surprise as Sanji hits Luffy and Usopp with a frying pan and a wok, scolding them for playing with their food. “If you guys are so bored, go wash some dishes! Jeez, here I am trying to finish our bento before we land—”

“I’ll help!” You volunteer. Ace speaks up at the same time as you did, “Want me to help with anything?”

Sanji looks stunned. Someone wants to offer help? It’s been a while since he’s heard it.

“Y/N-chwan, you’re such a lovely lady~ But don’t worry, just sit back and relax. I’ll do all the work for you~” Sanji singsongs, completely ignoring Ace.

In the corner of your eye, you notice Ace glaring at Sanji while he has his back turned. “Alright…” You say after a moment.

You’re not exactly sure how to proceed after that. Instead of enduring the awkward silence, you whip out your small notebook and start scribbling away. The notebook was more of a logbook where you put in the data you gathered in certain villages or islands— may it be a sighting of an exotic animal or plant, random anomalies about certain places, anything that’s out of the ordinary or just plainly something you’re curious about. Sometimes you just put random questions that pop into your head. It’s rather messy, but it’s one of the things you own that you treasure the most.

This time you write about the devil fruit users you encountered in Alabasta, writing just a short biography of the users and a brief description of the powers they have. Just like that, you’re in your own little bubble. You didn’t even notice that the ship docked for a couple of minutes as per Vivi’s request and that everyone has left you in the kitchen.

By the time you’re done, you realize that the only persons in the kitchen are you and Sanji. The cook is preparing one last meal for everyone to eat in the ship before you all dock. This time when you offered your help, you insisted and left no room for him to refuse. When the table has been set up, he calls for everyone.

You sit at the edge of the table. Not a second later, someone sits beside you. You look up and find that it’s Ace. He has this boyish smile on which prompted you to look away in order to avoid heating up.

Luffy’s crew is boisterous, even more so during eating meals. They’re extremely funny. You feel your worry for your best friend fade away the longer you stay with his crew. But then the rowdy atmosphere instantly quiets down when all of a sudden Ace falls down on his plate. It was only a moment of silence and then they’re all panicking.

“What the hell?!”

“Oi, Luffy, what happened to your brother?”

“Oh no! He’s dead!”

“Someone call a doctor! We need a doctor! Oh, wait I’m the doctor.”

Only you and Luffy are unfazed. Luffy just laughs out loud while Usopp demands him to take the situation more seriously.

You, on the other hand, calmly place your utensils down. You’re pretty much used to Ace and his narcoleptic episodes. You get some napkins and gently grab Ace’s face. You wipe his face from all the food that got stuck on it. Then you carefully maneuver his arm so that it’s resting on the table and place his head on his arm. This is pretty much how you handled him every single time it happened so by now it’s more of an automatic reaction for you.

When you’re done, you realize that everyone’s panic has died down and that they’re all looking at you, except Luffy who continued shoving food down his throat. You feel incredibly shy upon discovering that they caught you tending to Ace.  While the others are aware that you, Luffy, and Ace know each other from the past, they haven’t exactly seen you interact with Ace that much since you both arrived at the ship so they assumed that you and Ace are merely acquaintances.

You notice that Nami and Vivi in particular are smiling. Nami has the “I know something” kind of smile while Vivi has more of a genuine smile on her face. Sanji is sulking, but the others are just blinking at you. Then a few moments later, Ace wakes up. “Ah, sorry. I fell asleep,” he says nonchalantly.

“Eh?!” was the collective response of Luffy’s crew.

His hand automatically comes to his face to wipe off the remnants of food in his face, only to find out that his face is absolutely clean and bare of any dirt. This could only mean one thing, he thinks. You cleaned him off, just like the old days when you were still dating.

Ace’s assumption is further confirmed when he hears Sanji sulking about how he wishes he was the one to receive such a tender act from you.

You continue to eat as if you didn’t do what you just did. You could feel Ace’s eyes on you but you refuse to meet his stare. Unbeknownst to you, a smile has made its way on Ace’s face.

Everyone seems to be watching the interaction unfold — again, except Luffy who has witnessed this all before so he doesn’t think it’s a big deal. Anyone with eyes could now tell that there is or was something going on between the two of you.

The atmosphere only goes back to normal when Luffy stretches his arms to reach for food on their plates. Everyone immediately complains about this and the rowdy air comes back.

After the hearty meal, everyone prepares for the long trip by foot. You change into more suitable clothes, something that Sanji wasn’t really happy about since you, Nami, and Vivi switched from dancer’s clothes to a cloak that covers the entire body. Ace looks way happier now than before though and you aren’t sure why.

Before you could even get down the ship though, a group of Kung Fu Dugongs challenges your group. You’re just about to move when in a blink of an eye, Luffy has defeated each one. What a bum, you know you can definitely take them down too but Luffy beat you to it. You pout, you feel so out of shape now that you aren’t really using your body to fight. Ace chuckles at you. It was so sudden that you almost jumped in surprise at the sound.

“Didn’t think you would be disappointed that you weren’t able to fight them,” Ace says.

“Honestly, what should I expect? Luffy has always been like that,” you mumble.

“Yeah, he’s a handful.”

It’s such a short conversation, but seeing that you aren’t exactly pushing Ace away, he takes it as a sign that you aren’t uncomfortable in his presence. He sticks by your side after that.

He remains silent to the point that you even forgot that he was even walking beside you. You only realize that he’s still around when a sand whirlwind comes and he subtly shifts his position so that he’s standing in front of you, shielding you away from the sand. You’re reminded of the days when he’s always by your side to protect you. You feel the butterflies on your stomach one again. If that wasn’t enough, Ace gives you a lopsided smile when you thank him which makes your heart go haywire.

He doesn’t really leave your mind after that. The thoughts of him fully consumed you once again. But did it really go away in the first place?

Your memories with him have been replaying in your mind since then. You didn’t even notice that the sun has already set down until Vivi says that you guys should set out camp there.

The boys are nice enough to set up the tents for everyone, leaving you, Nami, and Vivi with nothing to do. You take this opportunity to shyly ask them about the Dance Powder as you whip out your notebook. You write down all the information they can give you.

“Ah, so it’s basically like cloud seeding,” you conclude.

“What’s that?” Vivi asks.

“It’s a type of weather modification, a process aiming to make precipitation fall from clouds. It is originally used to prevent areas from destruction brought about by drought. I read researchers use a chemical compound called silver iodide and disperse it to the clouds to produce snow which melts before they hit the ground to produce water.”

“Oh, yeah, that’s a quite similar process,” Nami says. Then she yawns. “Sorry, I’m getting tired.”

“Come on, let’s rest in the tent,” you say, feeling the exhaustion as well. The two girls immediately fall asleep after laying down, but for some reason you couldn’t sleep. You lay there for about two hours but you’re still unable to sleep.

You get up and reach for your bag, looking for your canteen. But then you see the orange rose. You almost forgot you bought it. The familiar aching feeling makes itself known once again. With a sigh, you leave the tent, suddenly feeling that you need a breather.

You move away from the tents and sit down, playing with the orange rose. The night is cold and you’re shivering but you can’t find it in you to care. You’re so preoccupied with your thoughts that you didn’t hear the footsteps of someone behind you.

You tense when you hear an awfully familiar question. “Y/N? What are ya doing here? You’re going to get sick.”

You don’t respond, thinking it was your mind tricking you into hearing the same things on that night.

“You’re shivering,” Ace calls out once again.

That’s when your breath hitched. Ace truly is there. He sits beside you and you instantly feel his warmth.

“Why are you still awake?” You ask.

“Couldn’t sleep,” is all he replies.

Silence ensues after that, but only for a few moments. Ace is the first to speak. “The cook seems to have taken a liking on you,” he says.

“He’s nice.”

“A little too nice to you for my liking.”

For the first time since he sat beside you, you look at him.

Then he speaks up again, “Ya know… You changed over the years. You’re prettier now… I’m not saying you weren’t pretty before. Uhm…” He blushes, “But you’re way prettier now. You caused quite the uproar among the Whitebeard pirates when your wanted poster came. When I saw the poster myself, I couldn’t believe it. You’re… yeah.”

You didn’t know what to say to that but you feel your face heating up at his words.

“I… I don’t know why but there’s this weird feeling I get when that blonde cook gives his attention to you. Even just the thought of him or another man getting close to you like that makes me feel weird,” he confesses.

“Ace… I’m sorry.”

“I know, I know… We’re not—”

“No, I’m sorry… I’m sorry because I had a lot of fears and uncertainties back then… I feared that you wouldn’t come back to me. The books I’ve read all said that the Grand Line was a horrible place and I didn’t know if you’d make it back alive. I was so afraid and I couldn’t tell you because you might not want to leave because of me… I didn’t want to be the reason you couldn’t fulfill your dreams… So I thought it was better to break up with you… At least then, nothing’s going to tie you down…” you cried.

“Y/N… I didn’t know…” He whispers, close to tears.

“Sometimes I wonder if I only knew I’d be a pirate too, should I have just gone away with you? At least then we’d still be together, right? But that would be too selfish of me… Especially when I was so weak back then. I would’ve had nothing to contribute to you. I’d only be a burden to you.

“But you know what, Ace, even if I was the one who decided to let you go, I couldn’t forget about you… Every place I go to, something will always remind me of you. Even when I sleep, I still dream about you. I don’t think I’ll ever get over you,” you look him in the eyes as you pour your heart out to him.

“God, no matter where I go, no matter how long you’re gone, no matter how many faces I meet, it’s always you, it’s always you I want to be with. I think… I think I’m always going to want you back, Ace…” You close your eyes and clench your fists as you say your final words.

You’re so selfish, god, you hate yourself.

It takes you by surprise when Ace hugs you. You melt into him at once. He lets you cry in his arms. “Ace, I’m really really sorry.”

He hums and then says, “Didn’t I promise I’ll come back to you?”

You pull away, vision still blurry from the tears. “What?”

He chuckles and then pecks your lips. “I promised I’ll come back to you.”

You cry harder from his words. His hand rubs your back, consoling you. “You still look beautiful even when you’re crying.”

You look away and bite your lip as you will your tears to stop.

“Y/N.”

“Hmm?”

“Why don’t you join the Whitebeard pirates instead?”

You pout. “That’s not fair, Ace… You know I wouldn’t be able to say no to you.”

“Well then, that’s too bad for Luffy,” he grins.

[duraznosycrema00]

one last day

Pairing:‌ ‌ ‌quackity/alex x gn!reader

Wordcount:‌ ‌ 2.1K 

Warnings:‌ ‌ mentions of death, maybe some cursing, some angst, fluff 

Summary:‌ “‌If you could relive the last 24 hours your loved one was alive, would you?” Alex is dead. He’s been dead for a few months now. But for today, he isn’t. One last day. 

Written by: brianna :)

A/N:‌ omg this is going to be so sad. and long. sorry for that. i had this dream last night and the way it felt so real was crazy. i hope i can convey the emotions i felt. to make sure i can make the emotions feel real, this will be in first person. and for serious reasons, i won’t be referring to quackity as quackity, i’m going to call him alex. if anyone is thrown off by this, i’m sorry. nonetheless, i hope you enjoy. like always, criticism is greatly appreciated. 

 »»————————-‌　‌♡‌　‌————————-««‌

  “So, how do you feel, (Y/N)?” The therapist asked, sitting directly across from me. I looked up to his slender face and almost smacked the glasses right off of him. I’ve lost the love of my life and he’s asking me how I am? I’m so empty, nothing makes sense anymore. Numbers don’t add up, words don’t sound the same. The air even feels different, heavier. How do I tell him that? 

“Normal,” I mumbled, looking back down at my hands. My eyes traveled to my wrist, where a bracelet was loosely wrapped around it. ‘Mi amor’ was engraved on the charm hanging from the string. A pang hit my heart and my throat got tight. 

The man in front of me let out a ‘hm’ as he watched my actions, “I see you still wear what Alex gave you.” My eyes shot up to his face again as he mentioned his name. 

“What else am I supposed to do?” I meant for my tone to sound harsh, but it came out as hopeless and empty. A small sigh left my lips as I looked back down at the bracelet. I allowed my fingers to fumble with the charm. The pit in my stomach started to grow. The rocks in my chest seemed to grow in size. Everything was so heavy. The silence of the room was so loud. Even the air conditioner had cut off. 

He copied my sigh, then put his clipboard down. “(Y/N), if you could relive his last day, would you?” 

My heart dropped to my stomach. Once again, my gaze shot up to him, searching his face for any signs of anything. Maybe searching where he got the audacity to ask me that question. I felt my breathing quicken as my heart started to race. I opened my lips to speak, then closed them, then opened them again. 

“Of course I would. I would do anything just to see him again, just to feel him again. Everything feels so different. Even right at this moment, I know his hand would be on mine. I want to feel that again. I miss everything about him. I even miss his dishes in the sink,” The words poured out. My mouth quickly shut again as I averted my gaze. 

I heard the doctor’s clothes shuffle as he stood up. Once he came back, he gave me a glass of water. 

“Drink this, it has a vitamin in it. We need to monitor your sleep patterns,” He spoke in a professional tone, as if I didn’t just speak the most words I had in months. I looked up at the glass of water. It was clear. I grabbed it and drank it. 

“Good. Now lay down. I’ll be back in a moment.” And then he left the room.

I watched the door shut and heard it click. My head became empty as I layed back on the couch I was sitting on. Eventually, my eyes shut. 

 “(Y/N), mi amor, you have to wake up,” His voice rang in my ears, causing my heart to race. My eyes shot open and were met with his. A smile appeared on his face before he leaned down to kiss my forehead. A lump in my throat and a pit in my stomach formed. I smelled his scent, I felt his warm lips on my skin. It was all too real. 

“Alex?” I croaked out, sleep still evident in my voice. 

“Good morning, sleepyhead. We have to run some errands today so hurry up and get dressed. I already got you some coffee.” He smiled at me. Another kiss was left on my cheek before he left the room. 

I sat up and looked around. The winter season I was previously in was now gone and replaced with summer sun leaking through the windows. The empty, barren room I had grown used to was now lively and had clothes strung about the floor. I looked over to the night stand, where my phone sat, and checked the time and date. 9:14 AM, June 26, 20XX. I felt my dinner start to rise from my stomach, searching for an escape. 

“(Y/N)? Are you alright?” Alex’s voice called out as I emptied my stomach in the toilet. I groaned in response. The door opened, revealing Alex’s worried face. 

“Oh mi amor,” he cooed, “Here, let me move your hair. Did you eat something bad?” 

The way his warm fingers grazed my neck to grab my hair sent shivers down my spine, and another wave of bile came up. He whipped his head away, but still loosely held my hair. 

I spat the toothpaste out after I finished brushing my tongue. 

“(Y/N), I love you. But that was so gross, never do that again,” Alex chuckled out, leaning against the wall behind me. I could see his reflection in the mirror. I could feel his loving gaze as he watched me take a sip of mouthwash. My eyes made contact with his in the mirror, causing him to smile. Another pit formed in my stomach. 

“I think it was because of the dinner you made,” I tried to joke with him after spitting the mouthwash out. I was trying to act like things were normal, for my sake. If I had this last day with him, I wanted to try to enjoy it. Please, let me try to enjoy it. Please. 

He let out a hurt scoff, which turned into a laugh, “I can’t believe you. You should be lucky I cooked for you! My mother would be so proud of the food I made.” I laughed with him. 

“Whatever, just kiss me.”

His small giggle filled my ears as his warm hands found their way on my waist. I placed my hand on his warm cheek and kissed him, our lips moving in sync. It felt so good to kiss him again. I couldn’t help but smile into the kiss. He moved his lips to my cheek and peppered small kisses all over my face, causing me to giggle. After a moment of kisses, he fully embraced me and rested his head in the crook of my neck. I could feel his small breaths on my skin. My heart felt so full, and my stomach had butterflies in it instead of the normal pit. 

“You know your coffee is getting cold,” He whispered in my ear, sending chills down my spine. I huffed out and only tightened my grip on him. The feeling of the way his body vibrated as he chuckled made me smile. It felt so good to feel him again. 

An hour had passed of us getting ready to leave. We now sat in his truck. The pit in my stomach grew again. I hadn’t sat in this truck since this day. A small frown came to Alex’s face as he grabbed my hand. 

“Are you okay? You seem a bit down,” He asked me softly, turning his upper body towards me. We were parked, so he didn’t have to pay attention to the road. He only paid attention to me. There was so much love in his eyes. I felt so much love in my chest as I met his eyes with mine. 

“I’m alright, just a bit tired. It’s still early,” I smiled, placing my hand above his. This seemed to satisfy him. He smiled brightly and leaned over to kiss my cheek. 

“You ready to go?” He asked as he cranked the car. I nodded and let out a hum of approval, not taking my eyes off him. I watched how he moved. I breathed in deeply, trying to keep the scent of him and his car for a little longer in my memory. It felt so good to smell him again. He turned the radio on and let out a gasp. 

“Baby! Oh my god, it’s our song!” He shouted as the familiar tune of Animals by Neon Trees played from his speakers. My throat immediately closed. The pit in my stomach got deeper and darker. I hadn’t listened to this song since this day. My lips parted as I tried to figure out what to do. So many thoughts were running through my head before they suddenly stopped. Alex was singing along with the song. He was laughing and singing, to me. He was singing to me. I stared at him. A small smile appeared on my face as I reminded myself. This is our last day. Please let me enjoy it. 

“Yeah, (N/N), sing with me!” Alex shouted as I joined in singing and laughing with him. Once again, the pit in my stomach was replaced with butterflies. I never took my eyes off of him as we sang together. Occasionally, he would glance over to me and smile. Everytime he looked to me, I was reminded of how much I love him. I was overwhelmingly in love with him. I’d never been happier than I was at that moment. 

The song got a bit quieter, allowing me to speak out, “I love you, Alex.” He turned to look at me, his eyes once again so full of love. 

“I love you too.” 

It felt so good to hear him again. 

The day full of mundane errands was now eventually coming to an end. It was 5:00 pm when we were walking, hand in hand, and Alex turned to me. 

“(N/N), my head sorta hurts. Do you have any Advil or something on you?” His words sent a shock through my body. Suddenly, the butterflies that had made a home in my stomach for the first time in months were kicked out harshly as my stomach dropped. My mouth watered, my throat tightened, my lungs constricted, and my legs became wobbly. 

“I uh,” I choked out, looking for the right words. I knew what was happening. Somehow, I almost had forgotten what was so peculiar about this day. My heart raced. Even if I knew this day was starting to end, Alex didn’t. I needed to act like everything was okay and normal for him. Just like we did when it actually happened. 

I cleared my throat, “Sorry, totally just had a small stroke.” This caused him to chuckle and tighten his grip on my hand. “Yeah, we have some Advil in the truck. Didn’t know you were such a baby though.” 

“Hey!” He called out, laughing. I smiled at him and stepped in front of him. My hands grabbed his warm face. 

“Aw, my little baby. Does his head hurt?” I cooed, leaving kisses all over his cheeks and lips. Alex just laughed out and held my waist, trying to protest that he wasn’t a baby. I wasn’t really listening though. I was focused on trying to remember the way my lips felt on his warm skin. The way his large hands felt on my waist. The way his laughter sounded. I was desperately trying to soak up everything I could. 

After a dinner full of jokes and loving kisses, we now layed in bed beside each other. It was warm and dark, the only light coming from the street lights that faced across the window. It gave the room an orange glow, and only made everything feel more warm. The pit returned as we exchanged useless conversation and inside jokes. Alex’s speech was a bit slurred now. Others would have thought it was because he was getting increasingly tired, but I knew. With every word he dragged on for a little longer than usual, my heart broke just a little bit more. It was all approaching very quickly. I leaned over and kissed his lips, Alex returning the favor, but lazily. As we pulled away, he smiled up to me with sleepy eyes. 

“I love you so much, Alexis. So so much,” I whispered, causing his smile to grow. My heart felt heavy as I spoke those words. 

“I love you too, (Y/N). Goodnight, mi amor,” He slurred out, his eyes now closing. 

“Goodnight.” A tear fell down my cheek as I layed back down and cuddled into his side. His arm was slung over my shoulder. I took a deep breath in, taking in his scent. A few more tears fell. It felt so good to lay beside him again. 

“I love you,” I mumbled out as my eyes closed. 

 My eyes opened to a bright light. I sat up gently and looked around, only to meet eyes with my therapist. He watched me carefully as I fully sat up and ran my fingers through my hair.

“(Y/N)? How do you feel?” He spoke softly, never taking his eyes off of me. This time he asked me though, I didn’t feel as empty or angry. I did feel tears start to accumulate in my eyes though. 

“I miss him.” 

[lovemesomesurveys]

Think of the last dream you had. What was it about? I don’t remember. I rarely remember my dreams.  What stresses you out? Currently, my health is my biggest stressor.  What's one song that you can listen to that can make you fall asleep? There isn’t a song, but ASMR can help.  Do you tend to trip over air often? I tend to bump into things or hit my hand or elbow on something.  Have you ever gone on a cruise? No.

Have you ever watched the sunrise? Yes. What about the sunset? Yes. Name a band that you think is beyond overrated: *shrug* When was the last time it snowed in your area? It doesn’t snow here.  Summer or Winter? Why? Winter, hands down. I don’t do well with the heat and it gets miserably hot here. Our summers also feel like they go on forever. We’re in mid October and it’s still been in the 90s.  Spring or Autumn? Why? Autumn. I love the weather, the holidays, the smells, the colors, and just the coziness.  What season were you born in? Ugh, in the summer. Do you like to play in the rain? No. I love when it rains, though.  Do you think that by doing so, you may catch a cold? It’s possible.  Who is the last person you said goodbye to? My brother yesterday when he went to work. What are you currently sitting on right now? My bed. Are you listening to music? No. Is there anyone you know who always looks like a smug bastard? No. Who can you not live without? My mom. What's your favorite instrument? The piano and guitar.  Do you have anything planned for your next birthday? My birthday isn’t until July, I have plenty of time to figure something out. I do hope to do something fun since this year I had to spend it in the hospital.  How tall are you? About 5′4.  Do you wish to be any taller or shorter? I wish I was taller.  Have you ever submitted anything to Fmylife.com? No.  Are you currently working on finishing a book? No. Do you have a blog? If so, care to leave a link to it? You’re lookin’ at it.  Is your hair naturally curly, straight or in-between? It’s wavy.  What's your favorite sea creature? Otters and sea lions are cute.  What's your favorite acoustic song? The acoustic version of Everlong by Foo Fighters.  Do you know anyone that's pregnant? Yes. Top bunk or bottom bunk? Bottom cause I wouldn’t be able to get up and down on my own.  What's your favorite Pok�mon? Jigglypuff.  What's your favorite font? Verdana and Tahoma.  What happens when a sword that can pierce anything tries to pierce a shield that cannot be pierced? Nothing? 

What's your favorite riddle? Why is a raven like a writing desk? Do you use the dish washer or prefer washing dishes by hand? We rinse them off before putting them in the dishwasher.  Have you ever been inside a castle? No. Do you know anyone who backwashes? DD: Everyone does. I don’t share drinks with anyone, so it’s not an issue for me.  What do you think happens after we pass? I believe in heaven and hell.  ^ Is it different from what you'd like to happen? No. How do you feel about people self-diagnosing themselves with disorders? I mean, you can research a disorder and identify with one, but you should see a doctor to be sure. You could end up thinking you have something that you don’t and possibly do something harmful or misdiagnose and have something go left untreated.  It can be helpful for you to research beforehand, though, so you can take your information to your doctor and think about what questions you may have. Also helpful to know what symptoms you may be experiencing.  Tell me a random fact. Around 430 this morning I ate a Reese’s. lol. Name one unusual habit that you have. I break apart my food when eating. Like, if I’m eating pizza I tear pieces off to eat instead of just biting it.  Did today treat you well? It’s only 6:11AM, but I’ve been up since like 4 so that sucks.  Do you enjoy calling out trolls/people who shouldn't be on the interbutts? No. What would you say if I said that I love you? Uh, you don’t even know me.  Let's get married either way? No.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

STEPH I ACCIDENTLY REWATCHED TSOT AND NOW I'M FUCKING SOBBING. I JUST HAVEN'T WATCHED THE ACTUAL SHOW IN FOREVER AND FORGOT HOW SAD SHERLOCK LOOKS IN THIS EPISODE. GOD. so yeah i just wanted some fics where john & sherlock dance together, whether it be at a/their wedding, "for a case", some kind of ball, or my favorite- sherlock teaching john to dance. it's maybe one of my favorite situations/tropes in media. (also welcome back!! and i love you <3)

Hi Lovely!!!

AHHHH I’ve been putting a “dancing” list together before I even had a system in place to do my lists, so I’m going to use your ask as an excuse to finally post it because I can’t find the original ask, LOL LOL!!!

And to pad out the list, I’m adding any that I’ve tagged from my MFL List, so I hope you enjoy that, LOL.

As usual, add your own, friends!! Hope you enjoy!!!

DANCING

You Lead, I Lead, You Follow, I Follow by BrighteyedJill (M, 862 w., 1 Ch. || Fever, H/C, John Whump) – John wakes up after a chase gone wrong to find Sherlock watching over him, but he’s a little hazy on the details.

Velvet by headlessjess (G, 1,155 w., 1 Ch. || Pining, Angst, Jealous Sherlock, Loneliness, Sad Fic) – It's the day, the wedding day - John and Mary, getting married. And then there's Sherlock, in pain and in love, without knowing how to deal with it.

Your love it feels so good by Hotaru_Tomoe (E, 2,843 w., 1 Ch. || Gay Club / Gay Bar, Lingerie, Stripping, Anal) – Sherlock is last at a quiz night and is forced by Anderson to perform in a gay stripclub. John must be with him, because he will have to record the performance. Sherlock takes the task very seriously. Part 20 of The English job

Behind Closed Curtains by twisting_vine_x (G, 2,939 w., 1 Ch. || Dancing, Angst, Pre-Slash) – Set loosely during season two, when Sherlock and John are still, ahem, dancing around each other. Sherlock teaches John how to dance.

Unimpressed by 221b_hound (M, 3,106 w., 1 Ch. || New Year’s Eve, Dancing, Jealousy) – Sherlock has no intention of attending the Met's New Year's Eve party. The start of a new year is all but meaningless to him. But he ends up there anyway, having odd conversations, and John does not find Sherlock's jealousy the slightest bit cute. And then there is dancing. Part 10 of Unkissed

Every Step of the Way by Shi_Toyu (G, 3,795 w., 1 Ch. || Car Accident, John Whump, Hurt/Comfort, Caretaking, Pre-Slash) – When John is injured on a case, Sherlock can't forgive himself. Everyone expects him to give up on his flatmate and get bored, but he'll prove them all wrong by sticking with him...every step of the way.

No Good Without You by textsandscones (T, 4,021 w., 1 Ch. || Case Fic, Sherlock’s Violin, Dancing, Soppy Fluff) – A diverting new case surrounding musicians and stolen instruments captures Sherlock's attention, the consequences of which lead both detective and doctor to see one another in a different light. Part 1 of Prompt Fills

Living Musical by VeeTheRee (G, 4,149 w. 1 Ch. || Est. Rel., Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Hobbies, Summer, Song Fic, POV Sherlock, Painting, Play Fighting, Soft Sherlock, Dancing, Love Declarations, Hair Petting, Promise of Forever) – A one-shot of John and Sherlock being domestic during summer. There is paint, fluff, and music from Imagine Dragons, namely from the album 'Speak To Me', specific song in this one-shot is 'Living Musical'. Part 1 of the Happy Fluffy Johnlock Time series

But Tonight You Belong to Me by esplanade (T, 4,296 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff & Angst, Pining, Stag Night, Sad Ending) – “You. It's always you. John Watson, you keep me right.”

The Dance Lesson by bittergreens (G, 4,596 w., 1 Ch. || TSo3 Missing Scene, Dancing, Pining Sherlock, URT/UST, Romance, Angst, POV John) – Sherlock teaches John to dip. Part 1 of Goodnight, Vienna

Sway by CrackedMetal (K+, 4,602 w., 1 Ch. || Romance, Drama, Dancing, Mary is Nice, Canon Divergence, Song Fic) – Sherlock doesn't leave the reception and Mary wants the best friends to have a moment to talk… So she suggests a dance. Johnlock with a side of John/Mary.

Sherlock and John Go Clubbing by wendymarlowe (E, 4,716 w., 3 Ch. || Clubbing, Dirty Talk, Dancing, Coming Untouched, Coming in Pants, Bi John, For a Case, Friends to Lovers, Flirting, Sherlock is Lost for Words, Sexy John, Mutual Pining, Possessive John, Floor Sex) – John pinched the bridge of his nose - even for Sherlock, this was a new level of no bloody boundaries. “You want me to go with you to a gay club, wait around twiddling my thumbs while I let you get pawed by a criminal, then out-flirt him and talk you into coming home with me instead?” Part 32 of John and Sherlock's Kinky First Times

a very soft epilogue (my love) by darcylindbergh (E, 5,395 w., 3 Ch. || Retirement, Domestic Fluff, Dancing, Dogs, Grumpy Old Men) – Across the pillows, Sherlock shifts and hums, the creases of his face deepening and then smoothing before settling. John watches him wake up, his chest swelling with affection and fondness, and thinks he’ll never get tired of Sherlock in the mornings, sleepy and soft. It’s been some forty-odd years, and John hasn’t gotten tired of it yet. Part 5 of things fairy tales are made of

Second Waltz by Atiki (T, 6,685 w., 1 Ch. || MCD, Angst, Fluff, Cancer) – "The night I died, you wished I could wait for you."

What I Hide By My Language, My Body Utters by PixChuu22 (M, 9,047 w., 1 Ch. || Fake Relationship, For a Case, Friends to Lovers) - Based on a prompt from Tumblr user thetwogaydetectives - “fake relationship that ends up being so real, they finally realize they are in love.”

Down with this Ship by FrostedFlame (PinkOrchid) (M, 10,862 w., 10 Ch. || For a Case, Gay Bar, Pining Sherlock, Coming Out, Slow Burn) – Sherlock drags John undercover to a gay bar - for a case, of course - looking forward to seeing John flustered by their surroundings (since you know, he's NOT GAY). John decides that he has hidden both his orientation and his feelings for his daft flatmate for far too long. He is done hiding, time to be honest with his bloody best friend in the world. He just hopes it won't change anything between them. And then it does.

the first day of forever by darcylindbergh (E, 11,850 w., 8 Ch. || Est. Relationship, Domestics, Light Angst, Insecurity, Emotional H/C) – “I’m going to marry you,” John murmurs with against Sherlock’s smile, and they both giggle in the joy of it. “We’re getting married.” “Yes,” Sherlock says, just to hear himself say it out loud. “We are.” A June wedding. Part 4 of things fairy tales are made of

All the Girls Love a Soldier by Book7BrokeMyBrain (E, 12,951 w., 1 Ch. || Military Kink, Frottage, Domesticity, Post S3, Pining Sherlock, Kilt John, Wedding, Dancing) – John is invited to a stag party and a wedding. The related accoutrement suit Sherlock to a T.

Twelfth Night by yourdykeinshiningarmor (E, 15,139 w., 5 Ch. || Fake Relationship, Christmas, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers, Angst & Fluff, BJ’s, Anal) – John is invited to his aunt's Twelfth Night ball. Sherlock offers to attend with him as a friendly face among strangers, but John's family force him to address his true feelings for Sherlock.

I Think I've Come A Long Long Way To Sit Before You Here Today by ArwenKenobi (T, 18,251 w., 3 Ch. || Grief/Mourning, Passage of Time, Major Character Death, Alternating POV, Sherlock Whump, Pining Sherlock, Hospitalization, Coma, Revenge Murders, Hallucinations, Love Confessions, Brutal Accident, Mystrade, Ghost John) – One year after John is killed Sherlock starts to wonder whether John has actually gone anywhere.

Out of the Woods by SilentAuror (E, 20,471 w., 1 Ch. || Post S4, Romance, Slow Burn, Flirting, Drunk Sex, Practical Jokes, POV Sherlock, Bottomlock, Possessive John, Pining Sherlock, Frustrated Wanking, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, First Kiss/Time, Virgin Sherlock, Love Confessions, Soft Sherlock, Dancing, Bum Appreciation, Hanging out with the Yard) – Sherlock is fairly certain that John has taken to flirting with him of late, but can't be entirely certain of it. At least, not until a case takes them into a forest, along with Lestrade's team and something happens that will change everything about their lives...

Sonatina in G Minor by SilentAuror (E, 22,574 w., 1 Ch. || Case Fic, POV Sherlock, Angst, UST, Sherlock’s Violin, Post-S3, Romance) – John has come back to Baker Street, but Sherlock doesn't understand the strange tension between them, even after he begins teaching John to play the violin at John's request.

a good old-fashioned happy ending by darcylindbergh (E, 32,731 w., 26 Ch. || Christmas, Frottage, Comfort, Est. Rel., Fluff, Insecure Sherlock, Frottage, Nightmares, Sleepy Sherlock, Marriage Proposal, Humour, Fluff, Dancing, Cooking, Happy Ending) – For Christmas this year, Sherlock wants to get John something special: something every fairytale deserves. Part 2 of things fairy tales are made of

we have never seen a greater day than this by Lediona (T, 36,420 w., 7 Ch. || A Royal Night Out AU || WWII / VE Day, Prince Sherlock, Soldier John, Alternating POV, First Kiss, Bittersweet Ending, Homophobia, Dancing) – Peace. At long last. It’s VE Day and Prince William desires to join the celebrations. It is a night of excitement, danger and the first flutters of romance.

Guilty Secrets by Ellipsical (E, 55,086 w., 16 Ch. || Drumsticks, First Kiss/Time, Love Confession, Self-Sexual-Discovery, Anal, Rimming, Orgasim Denial, Butt Plugs, Cooking, Furniture Sex, Bath Sex, Rimming, Double Penetration, Anal Beads, Dancing, Romance, Tantric Edging) – John has a prostate exam and discovers something surprising about himself. Experimentation follows. Sherlock wants to help. They're in love. You know the drill.

The Bells of King's College by SilentAuror (E, 64,019 w., 5 Ch. || Post-S4, Missed Opportunities, Angst with Happy Ending, Fake Relationship, Case Fic, John POV, Jealous John, John in Denial, Travelling / Holidays, Virgin Sherlock, Wedding Proposals) – It's only been two weeks since Eurus Holmes disrupted their lives when Mycroft sends John and Sherlock to Cambridge to pose as an engaged couple at a wedding show in the hopes of solving six unsolved deaths...

Hell Sent, Heaven Bound by ConsultingHound (M, 64,381 w, 16 Ch. || Angels / Demons AU ||  Fallen Angel Sherlock / Angel Cop John, Alternate First Meeting, Slow Burn, Case Fic, John & Lestrade are Friends Before Sherlock, BAMF John, Mind Palace John, Friends to Lovers, John in Denial, Sherlock Picks Out John’s Clothing, Clubbing / Dancing, Mildly Jealous John, Awkwardness, Kidnapping, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Sacrifice, Worried / Anxious Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Immortal to Mortal) – Ex-War healer and current angelic guard John Watson is not having the best day. He overslept, he’s underpaid, and now there’s someone tagging the Council’s building walls. However things may be about to get interesting: there’s an unusual stranger hanging around (the definition of tall, dark, and handsome), a literal underground cult is brewing, and rumblings are coming from hell. Can he keep his neighbourhood safe, how and why is he being connected to all this, and who the hell is Sherlock Holmes?

White Knight by DiscordantWords (M, 69,840 w., 13 Ch. || S4 Compliant/Post S4, Marriage For a Case, Jealous John, Pining John, Janine / Sherlock Fake Relationship, Serial Killers, Case Fic, Undercover as a Couple, Weddings, John is a Mess, Misunderstandings, Wedding Planning, Jealousy, Drunkenness, Love Confessions, Angst with Happy Ending) – Green. The word green was used to convey a great many things. Illness. Envy. Inexperience. Standing there amidst Janine's chattering bridesmaids, watching Sherlock furrow his brow and study fabric swatches, watching him smile and simper and flirt, John thought it a remarkably apt colour choice. Because he felt quite sick to his stomach, he feared the source of said sickness might very well be jealousy, and he had absolutely no idea at all what to do about it. Or: Sherlock needs to fake a relationship for a case. He doesn't ask John.

Not Broken, Just Bent by Schmiezi (E, 87,585 w., 43 Ch. || Pining, Love Confessions, Torture, Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Villain!Mary, Suicidal Ideations, Main Character Death, Sherlock POV, Eventual Happy Ending) – "For a second, I allow myself to remember teaching John how to waltz. There is a special room in my mind palace for it. A big one, with a proper parquet dance floor. For a second, I go there. I remember holding him, closer than the World Dance Council asks for, excusing it with the fact that we are training for a wedding, not for a competition. For a second, I feel his hand on mine again, smell his sweat, hear the song we used. For a second, I allow myself to love him deeply. For a second, only a second, that love reflects on my face." Fix-it for S3, starting at the end of TSoT. Evil Mary.

Shatter the Darkness (Let the Light In) by MojoFlower (E, 109,683 w., 23 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Genie/Djinn AU || Magical Realism, Kidnapping, Genie Sherlock, First Kiss / Time, Case Fic, H/C, Angst, Clubs, John Whump, Mild DubCon, Hand / Blow Jobs, Torture) – Fairy tales are for those who remember how to dream; not John Watson, broken and hiding from his bleak future in a beige bedsit. But then he discovers a lamp and finds himself in the dangerous riptide of an enigmatic man whose very existence is unbelievable, murder charges against his sister, and the growing pains of feeling alive once more.

Proving A Point by elldotsee & J_Baillier (E, 186,270 w., 28 Ch. || Me Before You Fusion || Medical Realism, Insecure John, Depression, Romance, Angst, POV John, Sherlock Whump, Serious Illness, Doctor John, Injury Recovery, Assisted Suicide, Sherlock’s Violin, Awkward Sexual Situations, Alcoholism, Drugs, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn, Body Image, Friends to Lovers, Hurt / Comfort, Pain, Big Brother Mycroft, Intimacy, Anxiety, PTSD, Family Issues, Psychological Trauma, John Whump, Case Fics, Loneliness, Pain) – Invalided home from Afghanistan, running out of funds and convinced that his surgical career is over, John Watson accepts a mysterious job offer to provide care and companionship for a disabled person. Little does he know how much hangs in the balance of his performance as he settles into his new life at Musgrave Court.

MARKED FOR LATER

He really can’t breathe. by Luna_sharp618 (NR, 696 w., 1 Ch. || Pining Sherlock, Dancing, Sherlock Teaching John to Dance, TSo3 Fic) – In which Sherlock teaches John how to dip his dance partner for the wedding and has some pining thoughts.

The Gay Bar Scene that never was by MadSophHatter (T, 1,372 w., 1 Ch. || TSo3, Gay Bar Scene, Confused Sherlock, Jealous John, Humour) – The gay bar scene from The Sign of Three as I envisioned it. Featuring a confused Sherlock, halfnaked men, sexy dancing and John who is absolutely not jealous.

Tango by standbygo (M, 1,424 w., 1 Ch. || Different First Meeting, Dancing) – “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” “Shut up and dance – a man’s alibi depends on it.”

Operation Synchronous by Daziechane (NR, 1,691 w., 1 Ch. || Dancer Sherlock, Lip Synch Battle, Abuse Of Umbrellas, Bets) – Sherlock never welches on a bet. That doesn't mean he'll give in easily, however.

on his mouth like liquor by chrysanthemumsies (T, 1,780 w., 1 Ch. || TSo3, Stag Night, Gay Bar, Romance, Dancing, First Kiss, Fluff) – The gay bar scene from Stag night that the creators didn't want to show! Pure crack with a bit of angst and a whole lotta fluff (if you squint). Sherlock and John on the dance floor - what's not to love?

Take me to Baker Street by MorganeUK (G, 2,087 w., 1 Ch. || Adult Ballet AU || Ballet Dancer Sherlock, Doctor John, Song Fic, Pre-Slash) – I always loved Sergei Polunin interpretation of Take me to the church so I decided to write a version where Sherlock is a ballet dancer in serious need of a doctor…

May I Have This Dance? by ScaryFairy13 (G, 2,297 w., 1 Ch. || Slow Dancing, Fluff, First Kiss, Wedding) – John drags Sherlock to Greg's and Molly's wedding. Dancing ensues as well as the discovery of certain sentimental feelings.

Under the Lights by CarmillaCarmine (E, 2,872 w., 1 Ch. || TSo3 Fix It, Stag Night, Gay Club, First Time, Dancing) – Following Sherlock’s map marked with all the streets where they had found a corpse, John and Sherlock stumbled into a gay club. Part 1 of TSoT Fix-It

Dirty by standbygo (E, 5,093 w., 1 Ch. || Established Relationship, PWP, Dirty Dancing, Romance, Smut and Fluff) – “Yeah, I actually learned how to dance like that, like in the film. I was quite the hit at parties while the craze lasted. Some of Harry’s friends called me Johnny Castle, after the character. Or Swayze.” “Swayze? What kind of word is that?” John did not reply, but gazed at Sherlock, his lips pressed together but still smiling. After a moment, he stood and held out his hand to Sherlock. “Dance with me,” John said.

The Posh Purple Pirate (Enter My Life and Make Me Drown) by  Loveismyrevolution (E, 7,408 w., 1 Ch. || Exotic Dancer AU || Alternate First Meeting, Strangers to Lovers, For a Case, Lap Dancing, Hand Job, First Kiss, Pirate Sherlock, Drama Queen Sherlock, Dancer Sherlock) – When Mike Stamford invited him to a fun night out, John Watson never expected it would become such a wild ride - captivated by an enigmatic pirate his life suddenly gains speed in an unexpected direction. Part 1 of PirateDragQueenVerse

Life's Uneven Kilter by theslovenlyfool (T, 14,877 w., 4 Ch. || Canon Divergence S3, BAMF John, Secretly Married, Camp Gay Sherlock, Dancing, John is a Good Actor, Fake Relationship, Mycroft Plays a Role) – "According to Sherlock, the game began on September 21, 2005 at precisely 10:37:04 am. John complained that, with that logic, the game had actually begun on January 7, 2000, at around 1:30 am. But for Sherlock, games are only fun when others are willing to play. What is a game without an adversary, after all? And what is a proper dash across London without a partner? Now, Sherlock thought as he assessed the doctor with the unforgivable cane, the game is on."

Thirteen Dances (Or, The Doctor Dances) by Knackorcraft (E, 17,544 w., 13 Ch. || Dirty Dancing, Tango, Ballet, Frottage) – John is a great dancer: we're talking all types. Not only is he able to pop and lock it, he's got some great ballet technique. He was best at lifting / holding girls.

The One Where Sherlock Doesn’t Ruin John’s Holiday by nutmeag83 (T, 18,898 w., 11 Ch. || Pre-TRF / S2 Timeline, Friends to Lovers, Cruise Ships, Vacation / Holidays, Fake Relationship, For Science, Bed Sharing, Cuddling/Snuggling, Mutual Pining, John POV, Minor Case Fic, Cooking, Dancing, Drunk Shenanigans) – John wins a cruise vacation for two and brings Sherlock along. But when it turns out to be a couples cruise, they have to pretend to be a couple themselves (for science). How many pretend kisses will it take before they can’t deny their feelings any longer?

Lockdown by johnwatso and Salambo06 (E, 23,376 w., 20 Ch. || Quarantine, COVID-19, Lockdown, Fluff, Parentlock, Reunion, Dancing, Soft Idiots, Sex Toys) – The world is in lockdown due to Covid-19. This is how Sherlock and John spend their time.

Dance With Me by Silvergirl (E, 24,813 w., 12 Ch. || Post TEH, Dancing, Met Charity Gala, Sally/Sherlock Friendship, No Mary, Fluff) – Sherlock rescues Sally Donovan, and in turn she tries to help him get John to stop faffing about and get on with Johnlock.

Mountebank by Odamaki (M, 26,514 w., 2 Ch. || Fake Relationship/Dating/Marriage, For A Case, Jealous John, Suits, House Party, Crack, Trapped, UST, Dancing, Idiots in Love, Confessions, Friends to Lovers) – “I am calm,” John snaps, leaning on the door to glare out at the dark streets around them. Sherlock’s not said where they’re going; all he knows is they came off the ring road to the west of London and have vanished somewhere into the depths of Berkshire. All he knows is that he’s been trussed up in a suit that wasn’t hired from anywhere and if brought new would edge up into the triple figure margins. “Be calmer,” Sherlock advises, with a trace of irony. “We’re going to a party.” Part 29 of the The Sherlexicon

Time Of My Life by fiveainley_ohmy (E, 29,719 w., 8 Ch. || Dirty Dancing Fusion || Bisexual John, Dancing, Gay/Demi Sherlock) – John Watson takes his alcoholic sister to a summer camp in attempt to rehabilitate her. He didn't expect to fall in love with the dance instructor.

Brooklyn Heat, Summer Jazz by Zigster (E, 41,820 w., 10 Ch. || New York Ballet AU || Jazz Pianist John, Ballet Dancer Sherlock, Modern Setting, Brooding Sherlock , Confused John, Non-Linear Storytelling, Sexual Tension, Angst, Alcohol / Pot / Club Drug Use, First Time, Not-Good Mycroft, Happy Ending) – "There was, however, one thing that made it easier to stay on his piano bench every day. One thing that kept John Watson showing up to class on time, every morning at ten with a large thermos of honeyed tea and a conviction to see a job well done. His name was Sherlock Holmes and he was the most confounding and extraordinary thing John had ever come across - the most exotic of birds and the most unattainable of men."

Blond Barista Seeks Dashing Ballet Dancer: Inquire Within by prettysailorsoldier (E, 43,847 w., 1 Ch. || Unilock Coffee Shop AU || Rugby/Barista John, Ballet Dancer Sherlock, Fluff) – Between classes, his job at a local cafe, and being captain of the rugby team, John Watson's life is plenty stressful enough without the addition of a mysterious ballet dancer he can see through the windows of the dance studio across the street, but, somehow, he can't bring himself to mind.

My Pictures of You by 72reasons (E, 50,527 w., 19 Ch. || Fashion AU || Model Sherlock / Photographer John, Bisexual John, Gay Sherlock, Past Viclock, Past Warstan, Cocaine / Drug Use, Mary is Not Nice, Angst, Pining, Case Fic, Kidnapping, Human Trafficking, Past Jolto, Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, Frottage, Oral / Anal, Fingering, Dancing, Non-Con Drug Use, Rimming) – John Watson, a photographer, gets an assignment to shoot gorgeous, young fashion model, Sherlock Holmes. He feels an instant connection, but Sherlock uses drugs and has an old friend who's just landed himself in a lot of trouble. When Sherlock comes to John for help, he reluctantly agrees. Angst, past loves, and insecurities threaten to end their budding romance, but ultimately love and trust wins out.

Focal Point by PuffleLock (E, 60,913 w., 13 Ch. || Post-TRF Divergence / Different Reunion, POV John, Slow Burn, For a Case, Friends to Lovers, Suicidal Thoughts, Sad Wank, Sherlock in Makeup, Dancing, Mentions of Torture / Depression / PTSD, Love Confessions, Idiots in Love, Frottage, Blow Jobs, Scars, Rimming, Anal, Toplock, First Kiss / Time, Gay Sherlock / Bi John) – John comes home early from a medical conference to find that every once in awhile, Sherlock can surprise the hell out of him. Can John surprise him back?

A Moment's Surrender by anchors (M, 64,272 w., 10 Ch. || Dancer AU || Ballet Sherlock, Swing Dancer John, Angsty Fluff, Romance, Swing Dancing) – Sherlock tours worldwide with the English National Ballet. John dances the Lindy Hop competitively all across the globe. That they would meet, then, by the slimmest of chances in one lonely city, is pure coincidence. The whole 'dancing together' bit is a little more planned.

This Is Your Song by agirlsname (E, 79,990 w., 19 Ch. || Moulin Rouge Fusion || Prostitute Sherlock, Poet John, Acting, Singing, Dancing, Writing, Poetry, Musical, Song Fic, Heavy Angst, Unreliable Narrator, Sherlock is French, Love at First Sight, UST, First Kiss/Time, Frottage, Coming in Pants, Anal Sex, Switchlock, Clothed Sex, Crossdressing, Secret Relationship, Forbidden Love, Jealousy, Terminal Illnesses, Grief/Mourning, Breakup/Makeup Sex, Past Drug Use, Attempted Rape, Canon-Typical Violence)– When John Watson is invalided home from the army in 1895, he moves to Paris to rediscover his writing and find a new meaning in life. His old friend Stamford invites him into a group of artist friends, and suddenly John finds himself auditioning to write a show for the famous brothel across the street. There, he meets the most beautiful man he’s ever seen - Sherlock, the star of the Moulin Rouge. But Sherlock is already promised to the investor of the show, the rich Duke Moriarty.

A Case of Identity – The Musical by shamelessmash (E, 83,147 w., 15 Ch. || 1950′s Hollywood AU || Musical, Case Fic, Undercover as an Actor, Dancing, Happy Ending, Kidnapping, Drugs, Fluff and Angst, Humour, Writer/Director John, Slow Burn / Romance) – A mysterious death on set causes chaos in Stamford productions latest movie. With the premiere date left unchanged, they must find a new lead actor and reshoot an entire movie in two months. Sherlock Holmes goes undercover as a lead actor in a Musical: a juggling act to solve a murder while singing, dancing and charming his way through 1950s Hollywood. The last thing he expected was to fall in love with the screenwriter along the way. Or as I like to call it: the case where Sherlock finally gets to dance. Based off this prompt.

Rewind by All_I_need (E, 87,593 w. || Fake/Pretend Relationship, Pining, Angst, Sharing a Bed, Dancing Lessons, Oblivious John) – About a month before John's wedding, he and Sherlock embark on one last case together: a murder at a remote hotel in the middle of nowhere. A lot can happen in a week. And a lot doesn't. But what if ...?

Rosethorne by suitesamba (M, 98,888 w., 28 Ch. || Secret Garden AU || Injured Sherlock / John, Recovery, First Times, Minor Character Death, Disability, Past Domestic Abuse [Mary/OMC]) – John Watson, WWII army doctor, is injured in the line of duty and can no longer wield a scalpel. Sherlock Holmes, Britain’s best code-breaker, is side-lined by his own devastating injury. In a work inspired by Frances Hodgson Burnett’s “The Secret Garden,” the two men must find meaning and purpose in a world which seems to have taken away all they hold most dear. But of course, it really hasn’t.

October to Hogmanay by snorklepie (E, 127,318 w., 25 Ch. || Post HLV Fix-It, Awkward First Times, Hurt/Comfort, Sherlock is a Mess, Shameless Smut, Sherlock’s Past, Scotland, Poison, Holmes Family, Kilts, Dancing, Angst) – John stared at Sherlock’s profile against the cab window and exhaled slowly. After a long moment, he reached out and touched Sherlock’s long fingers where they were fiddling with the button on his coat. The tall man didn’t look around again, but his fingers slowly unfurled before curling deliberately around John’s hand. Part 2 of Scotland

Shatter Me by Loveismyrevolution (E, 162,856+ w., 20/24 Ch. || WiP || Sherlock Dances, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Angst with Happy Ending, Misunderstandings, Introspection, Mutual Pining, UST, Idiots in Love, Big Brother Mycroft, Implied Drug Use, Suicidal Thoughts, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions) – This is a story about two men trying to find their way back into the comfort of their companionship. No easy task in the aftermath of the events of Reichenbach, a wedding and a shot through the heart. They are facing a very rocky road ahead with a lot of introspection, misunderstandings, angst and pining. They each try to cope in their own particular way. Eventually, they'll find a way to communicate and learn about the true nature of their feelings.

[nothorses]

sorry to just vent about this in your inbox (you can delete if you want), but lately i've been feeling like top surgery just isn't in the cards for me no matter how much i want it. i started the process years ago during my senior year of high school but life happened and going to college kind of just stopped that in it's tracks. which i was okay with at first because a lot of the transition to college was great for mental health, and i figured i could always do it later.

but it's been almost 6 years and i feel so much further away from it. back then i was living with my parents who were mostly supportive of it, and i was planning to go through their insurance and ideally get it done during summer break after i graduated.

now i'm at a catholic grad school in indiana, on school health insurance which definitely doesn't cover gender transition (there's a specific part of the insurance faq explaining which types of birth control are covered and which are An Affront to God so.) i'd have to navigate all of that on my own and i have no idea where to start (it took me an entire semester to actually get a copy of my insurance card because the website was confusing so i kept putting it off). also not sure i'd want to be in a hospital anytime soon given the pandemic is still going strong, especially here.

it's just. very frustrating. when i went to college i thought "well, i can just get it done during school" and i didn't, because it was too much work and i was focused on other things. and then after i graduated it was "well maybe i can get it done once the pandemic dies down a bit" and then i got into grad school and ended up here. and know i find myself thinking "well maybe when i graduate" again, but that's another 4-5 years and who knows where i'll be then?

it just keeps getting put off and i'm the one putting it off but i just don't see how to make it happen any sooner. which is really frustrating.

I'm sorry, that's a really rough position to be in! And I know how frustrating that can feel, too; I'd been putting mine off for like 5 years before I finally got it, and then only because my PCP pushed me to just start the process.

I will say that there might be some options for you; state health insurance is usually worth looking into, and even without insurance, oftentimes non-profit hospitals will work on sliding scales based on income. If you have a supportive doctor, I would talk to them- and if it's a school health center, maybe look into Planned Parenthood?

RE: Hospital, I have been hospitalized twice since the pandemic started, once in downtown Seattle. I don't want to say it's not that bad, but, like... I was fine, and didn't notice much beyond longer wait times. That is Seattle, though, and obviously different places will be different. I just wanted to add that because it might be worth a second glance.

Whatever you end up doing, keep in mind that the wait will be over someday- and it'll be worth it then. Even if it's six more years from now, that's still less than never.

I'm sorry you have to wait at all, though. I know how hard it can be, and I hope you have the support you need to make it through the wait. Best of luck. 💙