#5 days. it took me 5 days to type out a post that basically says “well i know nothing new. actually”

[teeth--thief]

i’d love to hear your opinion on Akimov as well! i tried to get all the info i can get online, but for some reason i feel like i’m only scratching the surface and there’s more to him! if you’d like i wouldn’t mind an info dump on Akimov from you

I consider it absolutely criminal that the day I got this ask That Chernobyl Guy released a video on him... like, girl... now I'm gonna look like I'm repeating you 🙄 No, but, in all seriousness, his video is really good! Even if he didn't, unfortunately, say anything we (or at least I) hadn't already known.

No wonder you feel this way - I'm sure everyone trying to learn anything about him does. There's just so so little on him out there. I understand that it is probably because his immediate family wanted to protect themselves - after all, the public's opinion wasn't exactly favourable of the operators for quite some time. You gotta give your kids a chance to grow up in as normal of an environment as possible, right? Anyhow, this is written without all that "ah yes, he was born in May and died in--" bs, I'll try to include mostly lesser known facts, I'm under the assumption that you already know all that and there's really no need for you to read it all over again just to learn absolutely nothing new.

There aren't many sources on him at all, all the books, except for (oh the horrors) Medvedev's book, which includes a statement from his wife, spare his person just a few words, usually more or less always the same. Smart, professional, near-sighted, dedicated party man (with a mustache!) is always the jest of it, you'll see.

We have about... what? Three and a half confirmed pictures of him? The rest is oh yeah, someone said that random guy with glasses is him so it must be true! And because we have so few pictures that are for sure him, it's that much harder to determine whether these really are him or not.

From this little piece of official documentation we find out... nothing revolutionary:

parents: Zinaida Timofeevna (1929) and Fyodor Vasilyevich (1930)

wife: Lyubov Nikolayevna

sons: Aleksey (1977) and Konstantin (1982)

started working in the ChNPP on 12.09.79

> Ultra useless information from here include:

his address (before moving to Prypiat, obviously): Moscow, Frunzenskiy district, Khoroshevskoye highway, house 68 apt 72

address of his parents: Arkhangelsk region, Severodvinsk, Lenina street, house 7, apt 8 (?)

From this interview- one of the... well, the only one, as far as I know - we also learn that his grandparents (from his father's side, judging by the patronymic alone) were Vasily and Nyura. His younger brothers' names were Konstantin and Fyodor (which would make him Fyodor Fyodorovich... y'all really went off with this one).

We know what became of his two kids or wife - not even his childhood friend, the author of the article above, does. The last name Akimov is not at all an uncommon one and, besides, if either of them ever felt like speaking with anyone, I'd assume they would have done that by now. Hell, even their kids, if they have any, are probably either teens or in their twenties by now, they could have said something... shared a picture, whatever. But nobody has done that, so they probably value their privacy and want to be left alone.

Unless I'm misunderstanding something, he was a member of the CPSU (Communist Party of the Soviet Union) and a member of Pripyat Gorkom from 1977. Gorkom is a city level of Party Committee.

I've tried to compile all the bits describing him from any book I could think of that has something, anything, on him:

G. Medvedev (eugh) describes him as follows in Chernobyl Notebook:

Aleksandr Akimov, a strapping and strong 35-year-old lad with a broad rosy-cheeked face, wearing glasses, with a dark wavy head of hair, powdered now with radioactive dust, rushed around without knowing what to do (...)

First of all, he was most definitely not 35. Second of all... he was balding. Like balding-balding. Who exactly were you looking at when writing that, huh, Medvedev? Because it was not Akimov, that's for sure.

In Midnight in Chernobyl he's described as follows:

Akimov, a gangling thirty-two-year-old with thick glasses, a receding hairline, and a small mustache, was a committed Communist and one of the most knowledgeable technicians at the plant. He and his wife, Luba, were the parents of two young boys, and he spent his spare time reading historical biographies or hunting hare and duck with his Winchester rifle on the Pripyat marshes. Akimov was clever, competent, and well liked, but his colleagues agreed that he was easily pushed around by those above him.

God damnit, you guys figure it out finally - was he strapping and strong or was he gangling? I'm no expert on words but those seem to not work together too well. Also... small mustache? I'd say it's pretty average sized, actually... Have you seen it? It looks like the propellers of a helicopter...

From Chernobyl 01:23:40 we get:

Akimov was Russian, like most senior staff at the plant. Born on May 6th 1953, in the country’s third-largest city, Novosibirsk, he graduated from the Moscow Power Engineering Institute in 1976 with a degree in thermal power automation processes, before moving to the Chernobyl plant in 1979 as a turbine engineer.

Go girl, give us nothing! Nothing new, how wonderful.

S. Plokhy's Chernobyl: History of a Tragedy:

(...) Aleksandr Akimov, a thirty-three-year-old engineer with ten years of experience at the Chernobyl plant. Bespectacled and sporting a fashionable moustache, Akimov was regarded as competent, friendly, and susceptible to pressure from the higher-ups. A member of Prypiat’s Communist Party committee, he was clearly on his way up—he had been appointed head of shift only four months earlier.

Paul Read's Ablaze contains a much longer description than other books - we even get a bit more information on Lyubov:

(...) Among Inze’s closest friends was Luba, the wife of Alexander Akimov, whom Razim had known at the Institute in Moscow. Akimov had gone on to study at Zukh-Hydroprojekt, with the designers of the power station, and it was here that he had met Luba, also the daughter of an army officer and a student in the same department. Akimov had a gangling figure, thick glasses, a high forehead, receding hair and a small moustache. Luba was a tall, skinny girl with a delicate constitution, short dark hair and a sophisticated sense of humour. She loathed pretentiousness of a bourgeois kind, and was choosy about her friends.

Upon graduating, Akimov was sent to work for Zukh-Hydroprojekt in Chernobyl, and Luba went with him as his wife. They moved straight into a flat in Pripyat, where Luba gave birth to their first child. They, too, embarked upon the life at Chernobyl with the greatest enthusiasm. Akimov worked hard to establish his professional reputation; he also joined the party. In his free time, he read historical biographies, subscribed to magazines on military technology, and went after duck and hare with his Winchester rifle. The Akimovs’ life was not without trouble. Their second child was born with a twisted hip: every two weeks Luba had to make the five-hour journey on the hydrofoil to take her baby to see a specialist in Kiev.

(...)

Akimov, (...) , served as Communist party secretary for the unit – a chore that reflected his commitment to communism and also helped his career.

This book is also where the almost iconic now bit comes from:

When given the task of drawing up a programme for such a hypothetical accident, Alexander Akimov calculated a probability factor of one in ten million per year.

In From Chernobyl to Fukushima by N. Karpan we learn that he's remembered as such:

"Sasha Akimov was an intelligent, educated guy. He graduated from Moscow Energy Institute. His interests were not limited to his work only, he had many different hobbies, read a lot, loved his children and cared for them affectionately... He was very proud of his children, they started to read at five, he regularly spent a lot of his time with his children and liked to tell us about them. He was very fond of his car and maintained it in a perfect order" - (Igor Kazachkov, the reactor unit shift manager).

"He was naturally inclined to follow rules" - (Aleksandr Orlenko, the Electric Section shift manager).

"Akimov was a very orderly person, it was impossible to force him to violate a rule. He was very experienced" - (Boris Rogozhkin, the NPP shift manager).

[grandprixprincess]

hermana part 2 || ln4

lando norris x fem!reader smau + written

part 1!

warnings: some language, slightly steamy scene (no smut but mdni!!), carlos being a protective big brother and lando being down bad

a/n: thanks for all the love on part 1! I decided to do a mix of written + smau for this part. requests are open for smau and text fics <3

landonorris posted

liked by maxfewtrell, yourusername, maxverstappen1, and others

landonorris perfect day in the sun with the best company. getting lots of rest and relaxation before the triple header 🤙

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user1 "best company" aka just y/n

user2 wait she was with him again today??? user1 yes! f1gossip just posted the photos. they were alone all day 👀

user3 omg this means y/n took these pics! y/n.jpg when?

maxfewtrell looks like my invite got lost

user4 💀💀💀

yourusername ☀️🤗

user5 queen y/n thank u for taking these great pics

f1gossip posted

liked by user1, user2, and others

f1gossip Lando Norris and Y/N Y/L/N were spotted getting cozy this afternoon. The two embarked on a private yacht for an afternoon filled with swimming and laughter. Eyewitnesses say the two were alone all afternoon. It seems like things are rapidly heating up with these two. The next time Y/L/N is seen in the paddock, will she be rocking red ❤️ or papaya 🧡?

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user2 LANY/N NATION WAKE UP

user3 i can't believe lany/n is real omg

user1 right?? people used to ship them during the carlando mclaren days and now it's REAL

user4 the hand placement omgggg

user5 i wonder what carlos thinks

user2 who cares? it's their lives not his

user6 y/n in papaya at the austin gp pleaseee

user5 ain't no way. she'll always support carlos first, he is basically her brother

yourusername posted a close friends story

story replies:

yourbestfriend not the private yacht on the FIRST DATE

yourusername technically our first date is tomorrow night yourbestfriend literally stfu you know what i meant

carlossainz55 don't stay out too late

yourusername 🙄

landonorris posted a close friends story

story replies:

maxfewtrell did you tell her that you've been secretly in love with her for like 5 years yet or

landonorris OBVIOUSLY NOT i'm trying to play it cool

oscarpiastri I think I missed a chapter

carlossainz55 get my sister back home early cabrón

landonorris leave us alone carlos carlossainz55 excuse me? landonorris NO SORRY THAT WAS Y/N SHE TOOK MY PHONE landonorris I'll make sure she gets home safe mate! 👍

You giggled as you watched Lando frantically type a message back to Carlos. "Sorry, I couldn't help myself!"

You played with the stem of your wine glass. It had been a dream of a day. You were now sharing a bottle of wine together to end the night.

"Your brother is going to have my head!" He finished typing his message out, feeling satisfied, before setting his phone back down.

Fighting the urge to roll your eyes, you said, "You know he isn't really my brother, right?"

Lando chuckled. "You try telling him that."

"Yeah, yeah, I know." You swirled your glass a bit, taking another sip. "He's always been protective like that."

Lando let out another chuckle. "Oh trust me, I know."

His response and tone piqued your interest. You turned your head towards him, seeing a sly smile on his handsome face. "What do you mean?"

Lando opened and closed his mouth for a few moments, contemplating his words. Finally, he spoke. "I may have tried to ask you out in the past, but Carlos sort of, put a stop to it."

Your jaw dropped in shock. "What?!" You tried to fully understand what he was saying. "When was this exactly?"

Without hesitation, Lando responded, "During Carlos' last year in McLaren."

The shock was evident on your face. Silence rang in the air as you tried to find your words. Lando took the opportunity to speak again.

"And again during his first year in Ferrari."

"What?!" You couldn't believe what you were hearing. When Carlos was at McLaren, you were taking a few years off from school to travel. Traveling the world ended up being easy to do when Carlos agreed to let you tag along to all the races as his "assistant". Carlos was on a new team in F1 with a rookie teammate that was your age. You and Lando became friends quickly, and it wasn't long until you began to harbor a crush on him.

It was a secret only you and Y/BSF/N knew about. You definitely didn't tell Carlos, because you knew how that would go.

Once Carlos left McLaren, you went back to school and your appearances at the races dwindled down to one or two a year. You and Lando went from spending every weekend together running around the paddock, to seeing each other in passing as you made your way to Ferrari and he made his way to McLaren.

"That little shit. I'm going to kill him."

You weren't sure if it was the wine or just how carefree and fun everything with Lando was, but you couldn't stop the fit of giggles that escaped you. After a few moments, Lando joined you in your laughter. Tears began to escape both your eyes.

As the laughter died down, the moment suddenly felt very intimate. Lando's face was extremely close, the rest of the world melting away. "I'm pretty sure I started having a crush on you after that first race weekend." You suddenly felt shy, but you couldn't stop the confession from slipping out.

Now it was Lando's turn to express his surprise, his eyes widening for a moment. He searched your face for a moment, almost like he was waiting for you to tell him you were kidding. Finally, he spoke.

"I really want to kiss you."

You were grateful that the sun had fully gone down now, so there was minimal lighting to help hide the blush creeping on your cheeks. Your heart felt like it was going to beat out of your chest as you whispered out, "Why don't you?"

Lando's adoring gaze had you captivated. "I've wanted to do it for so long now," he confessed, "I want to do it right."

You couldn't help the sly smirk on your face as you teased, "I think we've been pining after each other long enough, don't you think?"

Lando reached his hand forward, cradling your cheek in his hand. His thumb brushed against your cheek, causing goosebumps down your arms.

You wanted to live in this moment forever; Lando being this close, his lips inches from yours. Finally, you both instinctively moved forward, your lips colliding after what felt like an eternity.

You both stilled for a moment, trying to rack your brains over the realization that this was actually and finally happening. After a few seconds, you melted into the kiss, sliding your hands up to rest around his neck.

The two of you moved in sync. It felt like your lips were made for each other. Lando's hand around your head tightened, while his second hand found its home on your waist. One of your hands slide up Lando's neck and into his hair, playing with his curls lightly.

Lando slightly pinched your waist, causing you to gasp, which allowed for his tongue to sneak in. You responded with a slight tug on his curls, causing a groan to escape out of him and into your mouth.

You giggled slightly, breaking the kiss for a moment. "You like that, huh?"

Even though it was dark, you could see how Lando's eyes darkened. With no shame, he responded, "Yes," suddenly his hands slipped down, grabbing your thighs and easily moving you to straddle his lap, "You have no idea the effect anything you do has on me."

Now you were sure it was the wine giving you confidence when you ground your body down to feel his already hard erection. "Oh, I think I have somewhat of an idea." Your hands slipped back into his curls at the nape of his neck, tugging softly.

You relished in the way that Lando's eyes fluttered shut, his hands moving to your hips, guiding them as you continued to grind your body with his.

Lando was putty in your hands. You began to feel the heat in your core. You tugged on Lando's curls again, pulling his head back and eliciting a small moan from his lips.

Bringing your head down, your lips connected with his jaw, peppering him with open mouth kisses on both sides of his face before moving down to his neck.

Lando continued guiding the movement of your hips, his hands tightening around your waist and moving them faster as he felt your lips on his neck. You couldn't hold back the moan that escaped your lips, letting it ring out right in Lando's ear.

Lando was sure he was in heaven. Your moans were music to his ears.

He let one hand leave your hip and travel to your face, bringing you back towards his lips. Your lips collided again, this time with more urgency and desperation.

You both couldn't believe that you had let all these years go by wasted, when you could've been doing this the whole time. You were kissing each other like your lives depended on it.

Lando's hand moved up and down your sides, squeezing slightly, causing another moan to escape from you, and allowing his tongue entrance again.

You moved your hands down his chest, and began to play with the hem of his shirt.

Lando suddenly broke the kiss, breaking the blissful bubble you two had been caught up in.

"We should stop."

You felt fear creep up on you. Had you done something wrong? Did he not want this anymore? As if he could read your worries on your face, he softly brought his lips to yours again for a moment.

"Trust me, I don't want to stop," he began, chuckling lightly, "but I told you. I want to do this right."

You softened at his words. "You're right." You lazily played with his curls again. "Feels like we have to make up for so much lost time, but I'm not going anywhere."

Lando chuckled. "Me either. Now that I know you want me like I want you, you're never getting rid of me." Lando gave you a goofy grin. He moved his hand up, playing with a strand of your hair for a moment before tucking it behind you ear, "I could spend all night making up for lost time, and even then I guarantee I would be leaving wanting more."

You blushed, grateful again for the minimal lighting. Words lost you. Instead, you just gazed lovingly into Lando's eyes.

"Plus, Carlos told me to make sure you're home early, so..."

Lando relished in the way you rolled your eyes and chuckled softly.

The two of you always felt deep down that you had missed out on something great with each other. Now the universe was giving you a second chance to act on it.

yourusername posted

liked by yourbestfriend, iamrebeccad, landonorris, charles_leclerc, and others

yourusername 🌊🤙🖕

tagged: carlossainz55, iamrebeccad

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user1 not tagging lando is crazy 💀 girl we know

user2 shhhh let them cook up a soft launch user3 why would she tag him in this tho user1 that's literally lando's jolly lol

charles_leclerc hahaha the last photo

yourusername yeah that's actually me to carlos rn charles_leclerc never a dull moment with you two 😂😂

user2 her and lando used the same emoji. she posts his car but doesn't tag. he's in the likes. the soft launch of the century is about to begin. in this essay, I will-

user4 carlos in that pic is him reading these comments fr

user5 lando behind the camera of that first pic like 😍🤳

user1 we need y/n on lando.jpg stat

As you waited impatiently for Carlos to return home, your phone chimed, signaling another text had come through. You rolled your eyes, thinking it would be another message from Carlos, but you felt your heart skip a beat seeing Lando's name across your screen.

"Maybe Carlito thought you didn't like him, and was trying to help you out."

You stared at your sister's face on the screen in disbelief. "You're supposed to be on my side here."

Your sister laughed. "I am! I just also know Carlos wouldn't do something like this without a valid reason."

You heard a jingle at the door. "Speak of the devil, he's back."

"Call me later, don't give him a hard time, mana." She gave you a wave. "Oh, and have fun tomorrow night."

"I will, talk to you later." You gave your sister a wave back before ending the call.

You got up from your spot on the couch, walking towards the front door. You stood with your arms crossed as the door opened slowly. Suddenly Rebecca's head popped into view. You gave her a small smile.

"Your brother is behind me waving a white flag."

You couldn't help but laugh. "There shall be peace."

Carlos slowly came into view, his hands raised in defeat. He walked hesitantly towards you, waiting for you to react. Rebecca walked past you, giving your shoulder a light squeeze before disappearing into the bedroom.

"I don't want to argue, mano. I just don't understand."

Carlos stared at you for a moment before leading you back to the couch, sitting down and signaling you to do the same. "Listen, back then, you were so young and I was supposed to be looking after you on the road," he started, "and I know how it is once you get to F1. The fame, media, parties..." he paused for a moment, "The girls." He waited a beat before saying, "That's why I'm telling you to be careful with him now."

You had to fight the urge to roll your eyes. "Lando and I used to have movie nights every race weekend while you and other drivers would go out to clubs and party." You looked down, nervously playing with your hands. "And yeah, I know he does go out now and that he's been seen with different girls, but I know deep down he's still that same guy."

"You guys were kids back then, but now? Lando is usually the first to arrive and the last to leave the club now, always a different girl on his arm."

You finally looked Carlos in the eye, whispering out, "So you think I'm just another girl for him to flaunt around until he gets bored?" You felt your face get hot due to a mix of anger and shame. "I'm not good enough to be something real for him?"

The regret was evident on Carlos' face the second after you spoke. "No, no, hermana, you know that's not what I mean."

"Then what is it? Is it because he's your friend?"

Carlos chuckled. "No, no," he sighed, "I knew you liked him back then. I saw how you looked at him. That dreamy, goofy gleam in your eyes," he said, "and when Lando came to me and said he wanted to ask you out, I panicked."

You were listening intently now. "Why?" you whispered out.

"I think it was the first time I realized you were growing up. The idea of my hermanita dating anyone, nevertheless a driver, freaked me out." He laughed. "I just wanted to protect you from the craziness that comes with being with an F1 driver; I still do."

"Lando said he respects you, and that's why he stayed away back then. But now we're adults, and we're making our own decisions without interference from others." You couldn't stop the smile from creeping back onto your face. "I've always liked him, mano. I want to see where this goes."

Carlos couldn't help but match your smile. He liked seeing you this happy, and if that was because of Lando, then he was willing to be open-minded. "Okay, okay, I'm on board," he chuckled, "but I told you already. If he breaks your heart, he goes into the wall."

You rolled your eyes playfully. "You'd have to catch up to his rocketship in your tractor first."

Carlos' jaw dropped, disbelief written on his face. "I can't believe I've already lost you to the papaya army."

You let out a laugh, nudging his shoulder. "Hey, family always comes first. I'm a Ferrari girl first, papaya girlie second."

"Good, because that would be where I'd draw the line."

"I'm ready for next year, though. Blue is much more my color."

The two of you shared a laugh, before Carlos leaned over to end the moment with a hug. "I love you, hermanita."

"Love you too, Carlitos."

As you and Carlos embraced, you heard a door open slightly. Rebecca appeared, smile evident on her face, happy to see Carlos back in your good graces.

"Anyone down for a late night ice cream run?"

yourusername posted stories

story 2 caption: making them pay for my ice cream like: 🥺 👉👈 i'm just a baby

story replies to story 1:

user1 LANY/N ANTHEM???

user2 "we were supposed to be just friends" omg omg omg

yourbestfriend dude has my girl posting love songs on main already 😭😭😭

yourusername 😂

landonorris is this what they call a soft launch

yourusername 😂🫣 maybe landonorris hmm brb yourusername huh?

story replies to story 2:

yoursister hahaha he really said here have some ice cream pls forgive me

yourusername no but fr 💀

user3 girl you can't just post that song and move on this quickly!!

landonorris posted a story

story replies:

danielricciardo is little lando norris in love???

yourusername 🥹😭

landonorris ❤️

user1 oh ya'll are in LOVEEEE

user2 you guys ain't slick posting these back to back 😭

carlossainz55 thanks a lot, she won't stop playing this song now

oscarpiastri okay I DEFINITELY missed a chapter

a/n: yep there will be a part 3 because I can't stop myself lol if you'd like to be tagged, let me know!

Part 3

tag list: @npcmia @tinyhrry @that-one-little-soybean

[hazelfoureyes]

⟢Alastor x Cupid FemReader Tasked with making a demon believe in true love or you can’t return to heaven, things immediately go off the rails when you hurt yourself and Alastor catches one of your most troubling arrows; Mania

˚₊ · »-♡→ Week 1 and Week 2

˚₊ · »-♡→Week 3 and Week 4 smut💦 (keep reading)

Alastor lets you leave the hotel! Together! For soup. Later, your plans to make Alastor lose his obsession backfire. But like, in a hot way so you’re not that mad about it. A+ for effort?

˚₊ · »-♡→Week 5, Week 6, Week 7, and Epilogue smut💦

「warnings/promises: smut, I once again misuse a fucking prayer in a sacrilegious way, soup, spoon feeding, Angel texts, so much cum, bondage, tentacles, just good ole fashion fucking in the radio station, not quite dubcon but Alastor doesn’t really listen, hell has twitter and lets be real it’s just normal twitter, giant Alastor, Horse Luci」

Minors DNI ♥️ 🧹lovingly

You finally managed to leave the hotel. It was of course with Alastor at your side, microphone pressing into the small of your back like a third arm. It was as if he worried you’d just turn around and run.

He opened every door, pulled out your chair, and when your left hand shook and dropped your food he took on the task of feeding you. It was embarrassing, to say the very least. The sinners in the restaurant staring, a brave few filming or typing furiously on their phones.

You got a buzz on your own cell, a gift from Angel when he realized Alastor wouldn’t let you speak with others alone. 

He texted a link to a post on some hell site, to a photo of you right then, at that exact moment, being spoon fed by the radio demon. You considered smashing your head into the table until you blacked out. If you got up and left would you make it back to the hotel before someone realized you weren’t a sinner? You were absolutely terrified of someone noticing you as heaven sent.

Heaven kicked? Heaven thrown. Yeah that one felt right.

“You need to eat. You can’t heal like this.” Alastor sounded concerned, but you fought the urge to care. 

He hadn’t apologized to Husk, but Husk did say Alastor seemed to avoid eye contact which was basically a gift to him. Alastor had come to your room to dress you the next day as he always did, neither of you mentioning the day before. The hall was magically pristine by the time you left.

A tiny sliver of you thought he felt embarrassed. But decades of experience told you that Mania didn’t afford embarrassment, the stricken couldn’t be truly manic if something like that was holding them back.

Maybe it had been such a shallow cut he hadn’t gotten the full punch of Mania?

Another attempt to feed yourself, slowly bringing your spoon to your mouth, “You know when I heal I am going to finish my task and leave, right?” 

An odd laugh, a non-existent tear wiped away, “Adorable. No. I promise you, that won’t happen.”

“Alastor.” You put the spoon down with a clink.

“I love when you say my name. May I offer you more reasons to hold it in your mouth?”

“Al-,” you groaned, “I can’t stay forever.”

He hummed, a show of pretending to think about what you said, “Wrong! You can. And I argue, you will.”

You tried again with the spoon, regretting soup. Your appetite had been shot for awhile and it seemed easy enough. Wrong. Again. There was a constant tremble to your hands since arriving. Perhaps experiencing pain for the first time was rattling your body so much that it couldn’t cope. “Why would I ever do that? This is literal hell.”

Alastor leaned over, taking the spoon from you with ease and bringing it to your mouth, “Because I’ll make you understand it’s where you belong. They didn’t appreciate you,” his grin widened, “Not like I do. Like I can, if you’d let me.”

Annoyed and flustered, you took the help to eat. “Thank you.” A spoonful, “How can you say that though? I’m the one and only Cupid.”

“Actually, no. You’re not. You are just the current incarnation. They’ll replace you.” 

You regretted telling him that. They could. Just replace you, that is. There was nothing stopping them. You stared into your soup, lips curling down.

“Don’t look so defeated. I’ll make you happy, for eternity.” 

Your eyes rolled. “When do you plan on starting that eternal happiness?”

You didn’t look at him when you said it, but you could see his hand slow, then become completely still. Had you wounded him?

He pivoted, “Doesn’t Cupid have wings?”

Another spoonful, “Of course.”

Alastor waited while you took a drink, determined to make you eat the entire bowl, “Where are they?”

A pause. Where were they? You hadn’t realized you couldn’t feel them. They weren’t everpresent, but their weight still sat between your shoulder blades at all times. Always. Normally. But now? 

“You don’t know? That’s troubling.” Alastor read your face with ease.

You shot him a look. Stop doing that. Stop replying to unspoken thoughts.

“Apologies.”

Another text before you could snap at him.

You slid the phone away from Alastor, face red. “Do you think, honestly, if you’re capable of it, that I’ll ever be able to go home?”

His hand came to your neck, running over your collarbone, “For the record, I’ve never once lied to you.” You rolled your eyes, fine, okay, “With your heavenly body, even as weakened as you have been here, I’d say just a few more weeks.”

You turned the phone face down.

“Good…that’s good. If you plan on winning me over, your countdown has started.” You pushed the soup away, appetite gone. The idea of never returning to heaven made you nauseous. He slid it back to you, face stern despite the smile he wore.

The walk home was quiet, your stomach full of unwanted soup.

No, not home. The hotel. 

He usually spoke a lot, clearly loving the sound of his own voice. His hand replaced the staff, settled on your back as he guided you. You could feel the warmth through your clothes. How could he be so hot and not be sweating? Another sinner thing?

The thought hadn’t left you by the time you came into view of the hotel gates. Maybe you had been replaced. How would you know? Maybe that was why your wings were gone. Surely there was some way to communicate from hell.

You found Lucifer as soon as you returned, unbothered by Alastor’s presence, “I need to speak to heaven.” 

Alastor was saying something but you had gotten quite good at tuning him out. Lucifer snapped back, the men quickly devolving into arguing again.

“Lucifer.” You said it with your chest. 

His apple topped cane whirled, a golden circle appearing with a crystal clear image of heaven’s glowing gates through its center.

A loud noise erupted behind you, a high pitched static wail, familiar tentacles flailed and a long shadow of a growing Alastor stretched across the wall. His back was bent into the lobby ceiling, perhaps three stories tall now.

The sounds of magic popping as Lucifer shapeshifted accented the sounds of horror with that of whimsy. You approached the portal, those black tendrils slithering around your ankles but you easily slipped out of them as their owner's energy was pulled to full demon Lucifer slamming into him.

Almost, you could see it. 

A monstrously large hand came down, shaking the hotel and knocking various objects off their perches in the lobby. Charlie and Vaggie, someone else you’d come to enjoy the company of, flew down the stairs.

The common area was filled with the sounds of yelling and breaking glass. You crawled over his hand as Alastor’s fingers curled around your body gingerly. He tried to pull you from the gateway but while he slowed, Lucifer now a flying horse kicking him in the face, your outstretched hand strained to enter the portal.

Your fingers grazed the doorway, the air around the lobby fizzing and warping as a desperate screech tore from Alastor’s wide and impossibly thin chest. The grip tightened around you. A static whine threatened to pop your eardrums.

As your fingertips pressed past the ring, they stopped. Something impenetrable and unseen between you and heaven. 

Alastor must have noticed it too, his grip loosening as you clamored on hand and knees to the portal. Your palm ran over the doorway, searching for a hole or seam to rip. Just under your skin was your home, bright and clean and painless. A tiny ‘no’ fell from your lips, smacking at the barrier with your open hand.

Alastor returned to his normal, still terrifying, height. Lucifer came forward, their fight losing motivation, his small hand on your shoulder as you sat on the hotel lobby floor. He closed the portal and apologized, “Sorry kid. Let’s try again when you finish that task, okay?”

Alastor’s arms went under your back and knees and lifted you off the ground. You didn’t resist or argue. Your eyes were unfocused, vision blurry with tears, as you were carried past the others. Vaggie looked ashamed, which was odd given she had more character than half the archangels could muster together between them.

There existed permissions for who could enter the heavenly realm, a list meticulously kept. They’d removed you from that roster. They’d locked the doors behind you.

You felt good. The final week of your first, and hopefully last, month in hell was marked with taking off your sling for the first time.

A good three day wallow in a metaphorical cave helped you emerge with renewed vigor. Of course they locked the gates behind you, otherwise you’d just go home. That made sense. That made sense.

That had to make sense. 

Deciding to take a risk and attempt to expedite your homecoming, you and Angel made plans. Like a teenager in a party movie you snuck out of the hotel when Alastor was asleep. Well, so you assumed. You weren’t really sure what he did behind closed doors.

Angel brought you somewhere he felt people would be receptive to discussing love and talking to angelic beings, and admittedly also very high. 

Sling off but still being as gentle as you could, you leaned across the small standing-only table to talk-shout with a rather cute aquatic demon. An eel? Or maybe some kind of water-fond lizard? It didn’t matter, his glasses were cute, both of you a little drunk,  and you quite good at saying the right things.

And all of the right things were said, and you felt maybe if nothing else you’d enjoy your first demonic lay, when the power shut off.

Everyone filed out, bummed and bothered to find most of the neighborhood shrouded in darkness.

Angel tapped your shoulder and pointed up the hill to the hotel, radio station a glow with a red light, “Ya know, I wouldn’t be surprised.” Nothing to do but to stare, you stayed quiet and angry while he flagged down a taxi knowing the trip would be fast without traffic lights, “Guess Daddy Dead Eyes is calling you back.” 

Anger grew and grew in your chest as you were charioted home.

Jesus, to the hotel. Stop doing that.

You burst into the radio station tower, Alastor barely reacting. Until, that is, you marched up to his desk.

Pinned before you could react, his body pressing into yours as your ass ran up onto the desk.

“Sneaking out like a child?” His voice was low, soft, unnatural. “Why do you intentionally torment me?” 

 “I have done,” you tried to move but only succeeded in rubbing your stomach against his crotch, “no such thing. You’re just possessed.”

He responded by pressing forward, no accident, as his eyes narrowed on you, “Correct. I am a man possessed.” When he rolled himself into you, an alcohol primed groan escaped your mouth. 

“I thought you didn’t care about those things,” your eyes flashed to his lap pushing into you and then back to his glare.

“You’re my exception that proves the rule. If you’re so desperate for attention there’s no need to leave the hotel to find it.” His smile was poisoned by the simmering anger in his eyes, “Dear.”

It was the alcohol and annoyance at losing a chance with glasses-man, Jake or Jark or something not worth a scrabble move, that made you sneer a reply, “Not yours. I am a divine creature, demon. Your body would just filthy me.” Nose up, feeling absolutely better than him in every sense, you pushed him off and left. 

That was easy. Wow. 

Proud of yourself, you made it to the elevator before you realized— illusions. Perhaps his illusion was the idea sex with you was worth the effort, more so than others. He said it himself before, he didn’t care for such things. Perhaps if you could show him it was as boring and unattractive as sex with anyone else could be, maybe you could shatter his mania with disappointment.

You pulled a u-turn and heel-toed right back into his station. Giving him no time to react this time, you climbed onto his chair and straddled him, “On second thought, try your worst. Let’s get it out of your system and move on.” You ground your hips down. He only smiled up at you, amused. Taking his hands you set them on your waist, giving him permission to handle you, “Claim me. Make everyone know I’m yours.” He didn’t move. You were starting to feel embarrassed, had he goaded you just to make you look stupid? He would.  But your kind invented the tension before sex between enemies, “If you can.”

That did it. His hair visibly stood on end, “It is not a matter of ability. It’s about-”

“If you can’t, that’s fine. No need to start lying to me now. But don’t say I never gave you the opportunity.” You smirked, hoping he enjoyed a taste of his own sardonic medicine, and lifted yourself off of him.

His hands came to life on your hips, helping you rise and then flipping you onto your stomach. Your arms pushed radio transmitters and various old timey fuckery away to make room for yourself.

Those talons slipped up the center of your bottoms and crooked into your underwear. Long and strong, his fingers felt you. “Is this a perk of a heavenly body or is this,” two fingers dipped into your already wet and relaxed entrance, “all for me?”

You fought the urge to respond with anything other than malice, “Don’t flatter yourself.”

In heaven no one needs preparation, no one needs lube or required stretching to keep things whole and fun. You would love to say that quality followed you down, but unfortunately, like perfect health and angelic wings, it had not. 

You decided to chalk it up to the alcohol. Always an easy excuse to offer yourself.

Alastor’s hands pulled away and up, finding the place just above the Rosie’s Emporium clothing tag and ripping the bottoms and underwear clean in half.

You bit into your hand to keep your excited shriek to yourself but unfortunately couldn’t stop your legs kicking up. His laugh echoed off the many windows. 

Why couldn’t he be worse at this? Why couldn’t Alastor be clumsy and meek and awkward at sex? No, the menace you’d gotten almost used to was confident and commanding, you felt yourself twitching in anticipation. People have a misconception that Cupid was a chaste and wholly emotional creature, which was false. First of all, Cupids varied based on the incarnation. Just like other heavenly creatures their personality was varied and unpredictable. 

Personally, you weren’t suited for the job. If you were honest. Why couldn’t your quiver just be full of Eros and Agape? Even of those two, sexual love was more your speed. Romance was fine and lovely but perhaps you’d gotten a little jaded. 

Luckily for you, fucking Cupid was something many winners had on their afterlife bucket lists and you rarely found yourself with an empty bed.

Your attention was stolen back, Alastor’s clawed hand grabbing at the flesh of your thighs, “Oops.”

Focus. Why were you doing this again? Your system was metabolizing the alcohol now, and with the air cooling off your exposed sex, everything was awash with lust. Did you want to diminish his mania or were you just horny?

Would it really be so bad to admit you were both?

Deep breath, you remembered. Boring. Banal. The plan was to be motionless and not provide him any satisfying sounds. Don’t touch him, don’t try to push back on him, no tricks or fancy shit. The sooner he was over this you could make someone trust in love and fuck off home. 

Seconds turned to a minute, your ass in the air as Alastor’s hands pawed at your skin. You wanted to ask what the hold up was, but you didn’t want to give away how much you were needing him to just fuck you already.

“Do you miss flying?”

You looked around, were you so drunk you missed an entire chunk of conversation while thinking about how to hide thirsting for his dick?

“Yes…?” True statement.

“Allow me to help with that.”

There was a moment you half expected to be chucked out the window, but almost worse than that, you heard him seat himself in the chair again before your body was picked up and off the desk. “Alastor! I don’t-,” Hands flailing, feet moving around the best they could, you struggled against the familiar tentacles he had command over. “I do not allow it!”

Your hands batted at them fruitlessly. One came under your knees and folded them to either side of your chest before wrapping around your waist twice, a second across your chest like a seatbelt snug and secure. Had you been on the floor you could almost be mistaken for taking a deeply devout praying stance. Only your arms were free to move, the position making you open and incapable of taking back any semblance of control. 

“Alastor!” Stretching, you could almost reach the edge of his work table, but your fingers and toes curled in as you were seated on something hot and stiff. Your lips quivered, desperate to keep silent as you were pulled down onto him. Reaching back your hands found his stomach, raking your nails across the skin in need of anything to grip. 

When you heard him chuckle to himself, you knew you were already losing. Plan backfiring entirely. You pulled your hands back to your center, taking ahold of the tentacle nestled between and across your chest. 

“Heavenly Father,” his voice was quiet but sure, your eyes so wide you worried you’d get stuck making a permanent face of utter shock and despair, “bless us and these thy gifts which we receive from thy bountiful goodness, through your name, our lord.” You were lifted off his lap, Alastor’s swollen tip dragging along your unstretched walls as he said the Lord's prayer, “Amen.” Pulled back down before the second syllable even reached your ears, you cut into your bottom lip as a scream bounced around behind your teeth.

Heathen.

“I would think you of all people knew how to finish a prayer.” Alastor chided, “What will heaven say?”

If heaven knew you were being impaled midair on an overlord’s cock, they’d create a second hell for you to rule. Population of none. Except maybe some horny nuns.

As he found a pace he seemed happy with, slow and long draws out of you, you realized how fucked you were. Looking down, you could see one of his hands was settled at the base of his cock, those long fingers draped down his balls. The other hand was unseen and unfelt. 

“Alastor.” You tried to sound stern.

“Oh I doubt heaven knows my name. Not yet at least.” He sounded unbothered, almost unaffected. “Not until I’ve spirited away their little angel of love.”

You were almost insulted at how easily he could speak despite being buried so far into your wet, hot cunt. Maybe you had been spoiled in heaven, people usually so turned on by the idea of you that they were coming undone as soon as you were wrapped around them or in them in whatever way you decided.  

A broken chant of “be bored, be bored,” in your mind as Alastor hummed, that mystery clawed hand falling at your back. Biting your lip, you tried to think about anything other than how full he was making you. Did the glasses man at the club have a cock as thick as Alastor’s? Would you have been as satisfied as you were now? Every down thrust made the tuft of fur at this base press against your ass. Soft. You wanted to grind against it, the idea pulling a wanton moan out.

Fuck. Failing to distract yourself because you got distracted. It was so hard to think about anything else than your body being pushed open again and again. The blood on your lips was sweet, licking them clean before finding a new spot to bite down on. Quiet.

“Ah, are you giving me the silent treatment?”

Could this son of a bitch read minds? Could sinners read minds?!

 If you didn’t reply, that was confirmation. But if you did reply, you were breaking your goal of not talking.

“Just…,” you took a deep sigh, knowing this was going to be rough, “I’m not really feeling like making any noise.” A shrug, the best you could manage at least while bound and held aloft in the space above his lap. Pretending this was normal and boring was a feat. “I’m not a vocal person during sex. I prefer to just lie there and get serviced. Don’t mind me.”

That sounded awful. Perfect. 

“Oh? Well then, I guess I’ll not worry myself.” You could hear the smile in his voice. Less perfect. He began to hum a little tune as your body, partially upright, was now being tilted forward at a 45 degree angle from his lap. His cock was bending in you, head pressing harshly up into your walls. 

Heart beating so fast you felt a dizzy spell hit you, that renewed anticipation almost as arousing as the sensations.

His humming continued like he was reading the paper. You’d never ridden a roller coaster, but you’d seen many people do it before and this was surely the same feeling; right at the peak before the drop. When the ride operator stills you and lets you stare down at the height before you. Your stomach was flipping, excitement tinged with fear. 

You were pulled off his dick until you felt the bell of his red tip get just outside your entrance. Was he going to pull out entirely?

No. He pulled you down by way of shadows and fucked you just a couple inches into your cunt. His head was dragging out past your tight hole and smashing back in, directly hitting your g-spot. The spongy bundle of nerve endings was dented with every thrust.

You weren’t used to having your entrance stimulated so much, the skin luckily becoming slick as your own wetness was fucked out of you. 

“That feels weird, please.” How quickly you gave up. “Stop pulling out like that.”

A considerate sigh, “But you’ve gotten so wet, my dear. You’re dripping down my thighs already. I don’t think you want me to stop.”

Could you cum like this? You felt like you could, maybe if you just…you quickened your breath, faster and faster. Your stomach heaving, you felt the crescendo of pleasure. 

“On second thought!” He stopped.

Your toes wiggled, hands gripping the tentacle on your chest. Quiet. Shh. Don’t argue. Boring. Don’t care. The building orgasm waned, you felt your blood pressure lower. This really was hell. 

Alastor’s head was just sitting in you, burning hot and throbbing. You were sure you could feel his heartbeat. 

You two were locked in a standoff. Someone had to let on they were enjoying themselves; Alastor releasing pent up frustration with your attitude toward his affections, you chasing down a rare penetration-only orgasm. 

An idea struck you, a way to hopefully antagonize him and bruise his pride enough to force him into your hand (pussy), “Thank God. I think it’s almost my bedtime.”

Alastor’s smile strained, a twitch coming over his left eye. A trap. But the idea of letting you down and off of him seemed far worse than the small defeat you were offering. “Allow me to rock you to sleep then, sweetheart.”

Success! Shit! 

You reached out, the angle of your punishment allowing you to grab the edge of the table and grip. Alastor’s annoyance translated to an inhuman pace, him pulling you off entirely from his cock before bringing you back down. He was positively slipping in and out of you, your lower lips puffy and soaked around him. This degree of wetness was something you couldn’t remember feeling outside of marathon sessions. 

When your hands tightened, a shock of pain tore down your arm, a scream bringing Alastor to a sudden stop. “My collar…” Pain was apparently not a kink you enjoyed, though you briefly wondered if heaven allowed it at all. 

You couldn’t even fuck properly. You couldn’t do anything right. All you managed to do was fail. A sting to your eyes as the air hit your welling tears. Did humans feel this pain often? Your body was righted and turned, you looked down to Alastor’s face as you were brought to him. He looked so soft, usual smirk a sweet toothless smile, “I told you to keep the sling on, didn’t I?” He looked happy.

Your arms found his shoulders and your head came to his chest, “Shut up and finish already.” He didn’t release you from the binding, instead pulling the right arm under the hold of his slender tendril to keep it safe and out of the way.  His hands were both at the base of his cock while you were gently riding him. Well, “you”. He was still using his powers to manipulate your body on and off of him. Alastor’s fingers were spreading your arousal down his shaft and along his tightening balls, if you had looked at his face you’d have seen a weakened man there, furrowed brows and lust drunk eyes. But you didn’t look, trying to hide the same expression on your own features. 

Left hand free, no need to hold yourself up, you made lazy, and you hoped subtle, circles around your clit. You weren’t sure if this was a total failure or not, but you could finish and say something good came of it. You, specifically. 

Things were quiet, though. The loudest sound in the room was the wet pop coming from where his body was meeting your sopping hole. His breathing was fast and soft, sighing when he bottomed out. Another bite to your lip, a few more deep hits to your cervix, and you enjoyed a small but satisfying release. The hand on you stayed through, riding out tiny waves of pleasure as you twitched around him. When you felt his release you sighed, you did it. You think. Maybe. Regardless. 

As he slowly lifted you, you considered if your legs could hold you—

Up you went and back down you fell as he took a new, quicker pace.

“A-Ah-lastor?! You,” you bit your tongue, “already finished?”

You had made a mistake earlier that you hadn’t even realized. But Alastor had been holding it between his sharp teeth, “How many times?”

Absolutely no idea what he was talking about, you gasped out a reply, “What!?”

“How many times should I fill you before you’re too filthy to return to heaven, do you think?” He couldn’t be serious. “Three? Five? You see, the advantage of using my tentacles is that I don't get tired.”

Oh, but he was serious. 

The battle was entirely forfeit somewhere around the third time he flooded you with his seed.

“These aren’t the usual screams I enjoy from my studio, but I’m not averse to them.”

 When he felt you’d learned whatever lesson you were supposed to be taking in by the pump full, you were finally removed from him. He covered your lower half with his coat around your waist. It would be lying to say you were surprised to find his wide shoulders and small waist wasn’t just an illusion of his well tailored, yet oddly torn, coat. He was annoyingly attractive. Who gave him the right?

Your legs gave out when you tried to stand, warm hands pulling under your armpits to get you back on your feet. As much as you wanted to push him away, you were still a little tipsy and your legs still getting used to full blood flow. His arm held out for you to use for stability, you took it and wobbled silently to the floor you both lived on. Before you left the elevator you looked down and saw a line of white dripping down your inner leg. Took longer than you expected, honestly. 

When you turned to the right to go to your door, his arm came around your waist and shepherded you to his room on the left. You shot him a look, asking what he thought he was doing. 

He laughed, “Oh, after tonight’s little escapade, you’re moving!” He opened his door and gestured for you to enter, “Welcome home, my dear.”

What was worse than a failure? A catastrophe? This was that. 

“Now come on, we need to get you cleaned up.” A hand patted softly at your ass before ushering you inside.

He did just that, wiping you down and undressing you before settling you into his bed. Exhausted and sore, you decided to argue after sleep.

When you awoke, you checked your shredded bottoms for your phone. Nothing. 

An answer was found when you mentioned it to Alastor, who asked what you were searching for so early in the morning, “Perhaps someone at that venue you enjoyed has it? Too bad you can’t go back and ask.” He was resting his back against the headboard, you realized he’d unbuttoned his shirt quite a bit. “Oh well!”

How was he always making you scream?

ᡣ𐭩ˋ°•*⁀➷ masterlist

∰ Summoning the Horny Little Deer Cult (general tag list):

@cxrsedwxrlds , @nonetheartist , @tsunaki , @janchei , @wettiny-in-smutland , @moonmark98 , @hoebihoeshi , @pansexual-opera-house , @polytheatrix , @lorddiabigmommymilkers , @backinthefkingbuildingagain , @harley2223-blog , @coffee-colored-hopeless-romantic , @poinappel , @midnightnoiserose , @spookieroz , @missmidorima , @ivebeenthearchersstuff , @downbadforfictionalppl , @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx , @sleepylittledemon , @aether-th3-enby , @dontfuckbutimfab , @breathlessaura , @aperfectidiot , @certainlygay , @jth12 , @star-kujo-platinum ,

@ivebeenthearchersstuffn, @rubyninja1 , @simphornies , @alleystore , @readergirlstuff , @berry-demon , @chirimeimei , @fairyv-ice , @olive-frog , @thonethatflies620 , @tiredkiwiii , @ilikemyteawithmilk , @whateverlololo , @psipies , @howabouticallyou , @roxxie-wolf , @ive-no-idea-what-to-call-this , @fizzled-phoenix , @fjorjestertealeaf , @phobophobular , @surusurusuru , @mariaclarade-la-cruz1 , @whateverlololo , @simplyonehellofanotaku , @xixflower , @i-am-nonbinary-bean-deal-with-it , @roxxie-wolf , @a-case-of-attachment , @multifandomfanatic02 , @watereddownmilk , @raynerrold , @crazii-saber-wolf , @valkyrie-expeditions , @bontensbabygirl , @sillyb0nez , @oo0lady-mad0oo , @jazzmasternot , @pseudobun , @fraugwinska✨, @alitaar , @straows , @alastorssimp , @angelicwillows , @b-o-n-e-daddy , @one-and-only-tay , @asleeponelmstreet , @tremendoushearttaco , @mutifandomkid , @sapphirecaelis , @itzzzkiramylove  @saccharine-nectarine , @viannasthings , @looking1016 , @ultimate-duck-king-lucifer , @blakeaha , @astraechos , @reath-solia ,

🏹Alastor stalkers: @celestial-vomit , @amurtan

@faeoffaith , sailorsmouth , @jeannyjaykaydeh , @jyoongim , @cosmic-lavender , @saturn-alone , @lustylita , @radio-darling , @kaylopolis , @dickmastersworld , @leviskittywh0re

@asianfrustration13 @alittletiredcry @sirens-and-moonflowers @alastorssimp

[wonton4rang]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Love me, leave me ¡!

pairing: bnd legal line x reader.

warnings: +18, smut.

summary: bnd legal mtl to like/ have quickies.

note: another thought that i had to get out of my system.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

sungho; he is one to make love instead of having sex so i don't really see him into quickies. but let me tell you!! when you guys went to the gym that day, doing your workout as always but today he was feeling you more so you guys weren't even five minutes in when he took you to the changing room and fucked you raw agaisnt a wall. and it would happen sometimes when he was stressed or just too horny to keep going about his day without burying his cock deep in your pussy </3

riwoo; i can see him stopping dance practice just to come up to you and lay down by your side, leaning more than usual on you, laughing softly at the things you said and you noticing how often he licked his lips. so you just asked "all good, hyeok-ah?" your hand landing on his thigh and poor thing would just crumble and let you know how hot he felt, asking you to please help him out. and he would fuck so good :(

jaehyun; myungjae is messy so quickies with him would be too, that's why i think it wouldn't happen very often, maybe when he was horny during a party or even at a meeting, going to the bathroom and making you ride him at a bathroom stool while he cutely moaned your name over and over, dropping his head back and cumming almost immediately. you would even have to cover his mouth to avoid the noise going out of the bathroom, feeling his cum inside of your pussy went you lifted up. he looks like a mess, so sweaty and still panting slowly while he sweetly repeats "thank you so much, baby" :')

taesan; i don't think that this one would be completely against it but it wouldn't be his first choice either. but i can definitely see him slowly indulging you and dragging you in to make you feel as horny as he was just so you could ask him to fuck instead of him telling you about it. with time you would notice how his eyelids were lower than usual, his hands sneakier than ever, and so you will finally understand and give in faster, laughing and telling him "if you were this horny, you could've told me" after y'all were laying on the couch, cuddling and sharing soft kisses and laughs :D

leehan; yes. that's it. he would take quickies way too serious. it wouldn't be his go-to option but he will definitely do it more often than the others, leaning in your ear and whispering "if we don't go in the next thirty seconds i'm bending you over and fucking you here and now", you obviously got up and he followed you closely when you got to a room in the second floor of the house you guys were at (it was a party this time), he fucked the shit out of you. and that would happen often, like every 3/5 times y'all went out or were just having a normal day together.

basically it goes:

MOST.

leehan. self-explanatory, i believe. he likes them and he does them often.

jaehyun. i perceive him as a very needy boy so i believe it would happen often even though it wasn't y'alls favorite.

riwoo. normally he wouldn't think about it but when the time comes and he just can't hold back, he loves them. so he goes in the middle, because like jaehyun i believe he can be very needy.

sungho. as i mentioned before i every post that sungho is included, i see him as a very "stablished relationship, serious yet not boring" type of boyfriend, which means he likes to fuck you at home or directly on his bed. he doesn't hate quickies but they would almost never happen.

taesan. i'll say this for the nth time, for now, i don't see taesan as a very sex drived person so quickies don't go with him, i also believe he is rather organized so having sex randomly would make his stomach ache :') it would happen, yes, but don't get used to it because it won't happen often.

LEAST.

[les4elliewilliams]

Ellie is away... // e.w

Chapter 5 – 2006, Senior year college

a/n: I'm so sorry this took me ages to post. it was actually ready I just kept forgetting to. this is the last chapter, BUT I'm considering making an alternative last chapter. why you may ask? figure it out on your own. MDNI.

cw;wc: 1.3k ; mention of alcohol, angst.

summary: a time before skype and facebook, windows xp just came out and Windows Messenger was the thing of the moment.

➥ part four

brickmaster has signed in

ynshere: babe hiiiii

brickmaster: hiii brickmaster: how's it going gorgeous?

ynshere: better now ynshere: i missed you :(

brickmaster: i know baby brickmaster: we’ll see each other soon, promise

ynshere: will you come over? ynshere: this weekend i mean

brickmaster: sorry baby, can't brickmaster: going out with Riley and her friends brickmaster: if that’s okay?

ynshere: oh ynshere: but you already hung out with her last friday…I haven’t seen you in a while

brickmaster: yn brickmaster: come on, i promise. next friday i'm all yours brickmaster: i really wanna go out, i am allowed to have fun once in a while… I study my ass off every day, i'm stressed as hell

ynshere: i know, i just miss you. that’s it

brickmaster: maybe you could hang out with us? I’m sure she won’t mind

ynshere: you sure?

brickmaster: yeah, positive

ynshere: if i'm not a bother then yeah ynshere: i just wanna be with you :(

brickmaster: you're never a bother baby brickmaster: see you this friday?

ynshere: see you this friday :) ynshere: call me later, maybe? If you got time

brickmaster: yeah, will do brickmaster: i love you

ynshere is typing…

brickmaster is away

ynshere: i love you too

brickmaster has signed in

ynshere: mi amor hiii ynshere: babe? ynshere: hellooooo???

brickmaster: sorry angel brickmaster: i'm here brickmaster: was chatting with Riley lol brickmaster: how you doing?

ynshere: yeah. Riley. of course i'm gooooddd ynshere: missing you tho ;(

brickmaster: me too, pretty

ynshere: wanna go out on a date this weekend? ynshere: just you and me ynshere: no Riley around… we haven't spent time alone in like forever

brickmaster: yeah sure brickmaster: what do you wanna do?

ynshere: hmmm not sure maybe go out for dinner?

brickmaster: sounds like a plan brickmaster: Riley almost got in trouble today in class

ynshere: it's always about Riley lmao what did she do?

brickmaster: basically she snuck alcohol in class brickmaster: she just put it in her water bottle and she goes around with that thing brickmaster: art teacher almost caught her today, we were literally crying brickmaster: i was laughing so much that my stomach started to hurt

ynshere: oh lol

brickmaster: yeah it was exhilarating, you should’ve seen her

ynshere: did you drink as well? ynshere: in class

brickmaster: just a bit..i mean everyone was, sooo

ynshere: you shouldn't drink in class Els ynshere: you don't have to do something just because everyone is doing it

brickmaster: please don't give me the mom attitude brickmaster: this is why i can never tell you anything

ynshere: :/ i'm just looking out for you because i care. you do you

brickmaster: yeah whatever, see you this weekend

ynshere is typing… ynshere: no wait i'm sorry i love you

brickmaster is away.

ynshere: where's my i love you :(

brickmaster has signed in

ynshere: baby ynshere: hi

brickmaster: howdyy

ynshere: howdy? lol is this Joel

brickmaster: lmao no, Riley says it every second brickmaster: I thought it was funny

ynshere: oh haha ynshere: happy 1 year and 5 months together :)

brickmaster: oh yeah shit brickmaster: i forgot. sorry, pretty girl brickmaster: happy anniversary-monthiversary brickmaster: i love you

ynshere: i love you toooo ynshere: i just realized i haven't heard it in a while :(

brickmaster: well yeah i mean you're not supposed to say it every second

ynshere: haven't heard it in months, El

brickmaster: oh please brickmaster: always so dramatic brickmaster:  anyways, i'm going out brickmaster:  i'll call you later brickmaster:  i love you!!!!!

brickmaster is away

ynshere: are you sick of me? love you too

ynshere has signed in

brickmaster: omg babe babe

ynshere: love of my lifee ynshere: what's upp

brickmaster: i'm going to a concert this weekend brickmaster: i'm so happy omg omg

ynshere: oh really? let me guess ynshere: deftones?

brickmaster: yes!!! Freaking Riley surprised me with a ticket this morning, i genuinely cried brickmaster: god she's the best

ynshere: what about me? that's so sweet of her :) ynshere: you think i can tag along too?

brickmaster: sorry babe, i doubt it brickmaster: thickets are all sold out

ynshere: aww shame :(

brickmaster: i knowww but shit fuck i'm so excited

ynshere: i'm happy for you Els ynshere: think it's okay if i come see you next friday? haven't seen you in a month

brickmaster: of course angel

ynshere: yay okay ynshere: my roommate needs my computer real quick ynshere: i'll call you later alright? i love you soo much

brickmaster: talk to you laterr, love you

ynshere is away.

brickmaster has signed in

brickmaster: babe hi

ynshere: hey

brickmaster: how's it going?

ynshere: good, currently studying for an exam. what about you?

brickmaster: just chilling in my dorm brickmaster: it's been a hell of a week

ynshere: right

brickmaster: hey, you sure you alright? you seem off

ynshere: i'm good

brickmaster: yn what's up?

ynshere: it's just ynshere: last week...when i hung out with you, Riley and her friends, i noticed you act so different around them ynshere: and i've been wondering which version of you is the real one

brickmaster: i think you're overthinking it brickmaster: i'm just me

ynshere: you're just distant idk ynshere: you seem more cold, like you don't enjoy spending time with me

brickmaster: it's not like that though brickmaster: you're overthinking

ynshere: alright then, forget it ynshere: i'm going out

brickmaster: thought you said you were studying?

ynshere is away.

brickmaster: alright then.

brickmaster has signed in

brickmaster: hey yn

ynshere: hey

brickmaster: how are you doing? brickmaster: it's been a while

ynshere: yeah i know, i’ve been busy ynshere: i'm doing okay though, thank you for asking ynshere: what about you? brickmaster: yeah me too

ynshere: got plans for tonight?

brickmaster: i think i’m going out with Riley

ynshere: ah cool.

brickmaster: what are you doing tonight?

ynshere: going out with Emma

brickmaster: that's nice

ynshere: yeah

brickmaster: Dina came to visit a week ago brickmaster: she asked me about you

ynshere: oh really? ynshere: what’d you tell her?

brickmaster: well, the truth brickmaster: that we broke up months ago brickmaster: i’ve always assumed she already knew

ynshere: haven’t talked to her in a while actually ynshere: i barely catch her online ynshere: and i'm always busy, so

brickmaster: yeah right brickmaster: i guess that’s why she asked about you

ynshere: most likely

brickmaster: i gotta go now, going out in an hour

ynshere: alright, see you

brickmaster is away.

ynshere has signed in ynshere: Ellie hi

brickmaster: hey

ynshere: how's everything going for you?

brickmaster: everything’s alright

ynshere: can you believe that college is almost over?

brickmaster: yeah it's crazy

ynshere: we’re almost adults

brickmaster: doesn’t feel like it’s been 4 years

ynshere: do you miss high school?

brickmaster: not really brickmaster: i’d rather not think about the past though

ynshere: well, okay ynshere: what are you doing after graduation?

brickmaster: probably moving in with Riley brickmaster: i don't know if i told you, we started dating a couple months ago

ynshere: ah congrats

brickmaster: sorry maybe it's too much?

ynshere: i'm still in love with you nah it's fine ynshere: was i too boring? was i not good enough? how’s your week been going?

brickmaster: it's been alright, just busy

ynshere: what’d you do today?

brickmaster: just school and now homework

ynshere: so, how’s school?

brickmaster: it’s alright. same old same old

ynshere: gone to any concerts lately?

brickmaster: not really, i've been busy with school you know

ynshere: will we ever be the way we were watched any good movies lately?

brickmaster: no, not really

ynshere: is this it for us? how’s Joel doing?

brickmaster: he’s doing alright, thanks

ynshere: i miss you that’s great :)

brickmaster: i think i’m going to go, yn. goodbye

ynshere: please don’t leave me okay, bye Els

brickmaster is away.

¡! daily click・palestine masterpost・do not buy any game from naughty dog, neil druckmann is a zionist・more daily clicks. ¡!

taglist: smelliewilliams onlinelesbo itsbecomeblue macaroni676 tearouthearts diddiqueen liasxeatt seraphicsentences 4ftergloww @benthoee liasxeatt satellitespinner tphmnv kaiilectric bready101 (sorry if i forgot to add anyone)

[inthelittlewood]

Hey Martyn! So, I got into your lore because of Grian's Life Series, and now I'm just trying to find some stuff out. Anyways, I understand most of it, though I do have a couple questions.

What actually are LOOT shards/crystals? I know that they're soke aort of corruption in games of sorta, but how do they get there, how to they affect the game, and also how to disable them. It's just something I'm wondering about since I know you have to find the one piece, of treasure, but how does it actually help?

What are CHEST agents? I know that they're something almost as evil as Cruppy, which is really saying something, but what actually are they?

Are there any extra lore bits in Rats SMP that you can't get anywhere else? I just wanna know if I should grit my teeth and watch it sometime, when I'm done catching up on the VODs of Pirates (can't make it to streams for personal reasons, alas).

If you've come up with it, is there any way that the Watchers lore from the Life Series ties into the datastream hopper lore? Those two just seem a little incompatible to me - hopping the datastream, being captured by mysterious godlike entities... Or are they just two separate universes?

Do you plan on posting the New Life streams on your vods channel?

Who in Pirates is p!Martyn closest to in each faction, overall?

Also, I think you may have mentioned it on stream, but did you take the faction quiz and if so, which faction did you get? I kid you not, when I took it I got Kestrels all three times (with changing the answers to stuff that I would still do, but different than first time, I mean). Had to change it up just to see all the different faction descriptions...

Ok, I think that's it. Sorry if I have bad formatting btw, I'm typing this out on phone. Thank you for taking the time to read my questions! Absolutely love your work and lore, while at the same time having the humour some don't. Keep on doing an amazing job. Hope you find your one piece, of treasure.

Have an ice day!

That's something I want to unveil in the next lore drop, so I'm really sorry to say SoonTM but this lore doesn't have all that many secrets atm

2. C.H.E.S.T agents work are avatars controlled by human operators working for C.H.E.S.T and its evil underbelly. They're a known and trusted public computing corporation but the public doesn't know the full extent of their goals and resources

3. I try to be pretty concise and unavoidable when I do my lore stuff, so you should be able to find the Rats segments in this playlist with ease: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL3MFbfp1zo8dooC57HqfbizRoc07PdlFQ

4. Maaaaaaybe, people have noticed some parallels / links and all shall be revealed one day for sure, even if I'm like gonna quit doing videos and streaming, I'd just lore dump whatever isn't revealed so it's out there ha

5. A lot of my New Life streams are me just doing the grindy parts of the SMP and with the server being somewhat inactive I want to save the crossover / collab content for the videos - I'm not sure people would flock to a 3 hour vod of me painfully and slowly building an outpost or hollowing out a mountain to make a factory ya know?

6. Kestrels - probably Sausage, with Oli as a close second. Herons - Owen or Water. Owen has an inquisitive gene like Martyn and Water likes all things musical. Nightingales - Ros is so different to Martyn that it makes for some wholesome and chaotic interations, you never know which you'll get. Kites - Bek is basically the only one he's interacted with, he had a little banter on the seas with Kuervo but it was brief

7. I did! I surprisingly got Kestrel, or I guess, not surprisingly huh?

[call-sign-jinx]

Endless Love (Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw) - Chapter 5

summary - Y/N Y/L/N and Bradley Bradshaw have had a rivalry ever since they both attended the same academy. Every chance they took, they always tried to one up each other. One day, Bradley takes the rivalry too far and Y/N ends up in the hospital with serious injuries. Will it make Y/N want to get him back twice as worse? Or will it make her realise that this rivalry between them is childish?

warnings - swearing, enemies to lovers, mention of serious injury, traumatic episodes, reader traumatised from what happened, smut, slowburn, seizures, flashbacks

Main Masterlist Bradley ”Rooster” Bradshaw Masterlist

a/n - hi girlies! sorry that i haven't been posting a lot i got writers block 💀💀💀 anyways, enjoy!! xx

I've finally come back to Top Gun, Mav caught me up luckily. Somehow he pulled some strings with Cyclone to let me stay here. I'm glad me and Mav sorted everything out. I still haven't spoken to my mum yet... It's been 3 weeks since she visited me at the hospital.

It's been kinda quiet since me and Bradshaw decided to stop the whole "rivalry" thing. Minus for the arguments between Bradshaw and Bagman. It's been nice in all honesty. Except for when Bradshaw tried to throw a right hook at Bagman. Fanboy stopped him before he could make contact. It didn't end too badly. They just death stared each other then walked separate ways.

Bradshaw was late to the briefing this morning so the only chair left was next to me. Great, although we're civil, I hate having to deal with his fucking manspreading. It's so annoying.

Bradshaw walked up to the table I was at and sat down. I was shocked to feel that his leg wasn't rammed against mine. I looked down and saw that he had stretched his legs out and crossed his ankles. I quickly give him a look then begin to focus on the briefing.

"Shocked to see how little of an annoyance I can be when we're not arguing?" I rolled my eyes with a smirk as I tried to focus on the briefing. "Everyone's going to the Hard Deck tonight, you wanna join?" I turned to look at Bradshaw, my eyes narrowing, smirk still apparent on my face.

"Bradley Bradshaw, is inviting little old me to drink with you and the others?" I place my hand on my chest. Bradshaw is the one to roll his eyes now. "I'd love to. As long as you don't sing Great Balls of Fire."

"Now that is pushing it sweetheart. there must be a compromise we can come to." he has desperation in his voice, with a little bit of humour.

"You can sing it once then. No girl on your lap or at your side cause that is just fucking tacky." I chuckle as I try to multi-task and listen to what Mav is saying. I'm partly failing.

"Is that your way of saying you're jealous? I'm flattered sweetheart, but British isn't my type. Neither is hot-headed." His tone was all but flirtatious. Maybe I should've just continued to argue with him, because the flirty tone he's using is grating. Like, it sounds nice but really weird at the same time because he's never used that tone with me.

"Absolutely not, never. Just because we're civil now does not mean I'm going to have feelings for you. And girls sitting on your lap or basically grinding against you while you sing Great Balls of Fire is the cringiest and most disturbing thing to even look at for a second. So no, I am not jealous. And FYI I don't go for your type either." I cross my arms as I finish the conversation and bring all my focus back onto Mav, who keeps sending me knowing glances which I send away with eye rolls.

------------------------------------

Today was stressful. Very stressful. Stressful enough to need a straight double whiskey when I get to the Hard Deck. You wanna know why today was stressful?

Firstly, I was paired with Hangman. Which is annoying as it is but he thought he led the whole thing when it was a team building exercise. And he kept ordering me which got us "killed" by Mav.

Second, my flight suit had a stain on it so I had to try and get it washed after the training exercise. It didn't come out, so I'm going to order a new one.

Third, Bradshaw could not stop with the flirty comments. It was so aggravating. I wish we were still arguing cause he was actually less annoying than this.

And lastly, Mav kept pulling me to the side and asking if me and Bradshaw were a thing. Oh my days! Absolutely not! Never in a million fucking years would I date Bradshaw of all people! I'd date Hangman before Bradshaw. Actually no. I would not. I have too much self respect.

When I got home, I took a hot shower. It was fucking amazing after the day I've had. After I got out of the shower, I dried my hair, did my skincare routine, put some makeup on, and now it's time to decide what to wear. It was between a nice dress Phoenix told me to wear or my tight black shirt with some nice-fitting jeans. I asked Phoenix and she told me to wear the dress, obviously. But only if she wore one too. Not being the only one wearing a dress.

It was a short black dress with criss-crossing straps and a slit on the right leg that goes up to my hip. It was really nice, I've just haven't gotten to wearing it yet.

I quickly put the dress on because I was running late. I grabbed my purse, car keys and vape before going out and locking the door.

The ride to the Hard Deck wasn't too long because I could afford a closer one when I moved here. I parked my car, locked it, then headed to the door of the Hard Deck. Phoenix was outside waiting for me.

When I tell you the whole bar went quiet when they saw me and Phoenix, it would be an understatement. Maybe it was because we were in civvy clothes? But we headed to our group and all the boys eyes were wider than golf balls.

"What's with the eyes? It's not like we're naked is it?" I said, eyes darting between all the lads. They were shocked.

"Y/N, I think it's cause you're wearing that short dress, they've never seen as much skin on you before." Phoenix giggled before dragging me to the bar.

"Hey Penny, two double whiskeys please." Phoenix asks Penny with a smile. As I look around, I see a man. He's tall, blonde hair, greenish-blue eyes, and he's staring at me. I recognise him from somewhere. It's Thomas! I didn't think he'd be here tonight. He said he was going to go home in England for a bit to see his family.

"Thomas?! I thought you went back to England for a few weeks! What yer doing 'ere?" I walked up to him and hugged him, shocked that he was in San Diego but especially in the bar I usually go to.

"Thought yer could use some company, but guess you're already set aren't yer?" He chuckled as he looked to Phoenix then in a different direction, all the lads were death staring Thomas.

"Yeah, guess so. Want a drink? Me and Phoenix just ordered double whiskies." I guided him over to the bar where me and Phoenix originally stood.

"Go on then, one can't hurt." He ordered himself a double whiskey and paid for mine and Phoenix's as well.

--------------------------------------

We've been at the Hard Deck for a few hours and I'm quite drunk, drunk enough to not be able to drive. Which is great, cause I want to go home.

Phoenix and I have been dancing to The Weeknd, Mac Demarco, ABBA, Jerry Lee Lewis (because Bradshaw sang it, yet again), and some other singers that I'm too drunk to remember.

Me and Phoenix are currently dancing to Great Balls of Fire, as per requested to play again by Bradshaw. Him and that fucking song. It's like he's married to it. Or he can't breathe if it's not playing.

As we're dancing, I feel someone come up behind me. I turned to see who it was and it was just a stranger. He had his hands on my hips and began to basically grind into my arse. the fuck?

"Erm, can you not do that mate?" I stepped away from him, closer to Phoenix. He had this strange look on his face. It made me really uncomfortable.

"Come on babe, just wanna dance with you." His smile was sloppy and sadistic in a way. Gave me the shivers. Not the good kind.

"Well I don't wanna dance with you. So fuck off. Freak." I rolled my eyes then turned to Phoenix with an awkward smile.

"Don't call me a fucking freak you bitch!" He grabbed my arm and yanked me closer to him, his breath stunk of cigarettes and Bourbon. I always hated that smell.

"Get the fuck off of me you prick!" I grabbed his elbow and dug into it with my fingers which made his grip loosen, then I kicked the back of his knee which got him to the floor.

"Touch me again and we will have a serious problem, got it?" He nodded in answer, fear and anger in his face. "Get the fuck out of this bar." He got up and walked straight out, the whole bar giving him death stares as he leaves.

As soon as the door closes Bob comes over to us, weaving through the crowd with a worried look on his face.

"You okay Vandal?" He looked at me with worry and sympathy. I nodded my head yes.

"I'm fine Bob, he was just a prick who should listen to people. Taught him a lesson, hopefully he'll learn from that." I rolled my eyes as I took a sip of my whiskey. "Surprised I can still do that, I'm fucking leathered." I chuckle as I begin to dance again.

Bob nodded with a small smile then went back to the others. Me and Phoenix continued dancing until she had to go home cause her friend said her dog needed to be taken to the vet. So I was left to hang out with the lads.

"Hey Vandal, you alright? You look really bad." I place my hand on my heart and mock offense.

"Wow Bagman, I cannot believe you could say that. To me of all people. I look fucking fabulous you rat." I giggle as Bradshaw laughs. He'd laugh at anything that insulted Hangman so I'm not surprised.

"Seriously though Y/L/N, you look unwell. How much have you had to drink?" Bradshaw had genuine concern in his voice. I also did not know how much I drank.

"Fuck knows, wanted to have a fun time. I was, till Nat had to go home cause her dog is sick. I really hope her dog's okay. Do you think it'll die?" Just as I finished my sentence, Thomas came next to me and placed his hand on my waist.

"Come on Y/N, let's get you home." He began to lead me out until I felt his hand go lower. Last time I checked, he had a fucking girlfriend.

"One, I ain't going home right now. And two, get your hand off my arse cause I specifically remember you have a fucking girlfriend." i poked his chest in annoyance because his girlfriend is super nice, and pretty. Like drop dead gorgeous. And she treats him so fucking well as well.

"Yes you are going home, yer leathered. And she doesn't have to know if anything happens, can just be between you and me babe." That's it. Absolutely not. Not a fucking cat in hells chance.

"Right, you are a piece of shit for that. I ain't going home and I'm moving out. And I'm telling your fucking girlfriend how much of a shit person you are." Thomas laughed, I knew he could be a dick sometimes but this is just too far.

"Come on Y/N. Firstly, where would you even move to? You don't make enough money for even a small shitty apartment. And second, she won't believe you." Shit, she wouldn't. She's literally head over heels in love with him.

"She will." A voice said behind me, I turned to see that it was Bradshaw. I furrowed my brows in confusion.

"And why's that? She's practically wrapped around my little finger." My face contorts to disgust. Jesus, how did it take me this long to realise he is a complete and utter twat?

"Because in Y/N's bag, is my phone, and it's recording. So she will believe Y/N, because there's proof." All the colour drains from Thomas' face.

"So you best fucking leave now. And I'm getting all my shit in the morning." I look at him with anger an disgust, how could he even think about doing that to such a caring and beautiful girl?

Thomas walked out immediately, slammed the door to the bar on his way out. That's when realisation hit me, I'm now homeless.

"Shit... where am I gonna stay? He is right that I can't afford to live anywhere... Maybe Mav could let me stay with him?" I turn to Bradshaw and he looks like he's just got an idea.

"You can stay with me, until you get enough money for an apartment." Although I was very drunk, that sobered me up quite a lot. Bradshaw was offering to let me stay at his place? I mean, we are civil now, but letting me stay at his home? Jesus, he must really mean it about feeling bad about arguing and the crash.

"Are you sure? Because that's a big thing to offer Bradshaw." I looked at him, unsure myself. But why was Bradshaw offering this? Was it out of guilt? Sympathy?

"Yes. You don't have anywhere to stay. Fanboy only has one room and his couch is fucking uncomfortable. Coyote and Hangman most likely don't want to live with you. Payback lives with his girlfriend. And Bob and Phoenix live with Phoenix's mom. And Mav will probably hate you living with him because he won't be able to have any alone time with the ladies he brings home. So I'm the only viable option." Damn. He must have put lot into this for him to just come up with all that.

“Are you 100% sure that you want to do this? Cause I can just find some place to live I don’t wanna intrude init.” I look at him with concern and uncertainty in my voice.

"Yes of course, helping out a friend, init." He faked a British accent as he said "init", I giggled at him as he pulled a face as well.

"Right okay, thank you so much you don't know how much this means to me..." I have a thankful look on my face. "Please could you come with me to pick my stuff up tomorrow? I don't want to go on my own." He nodded yes. "Thank you..."

"Right, let's get you home. You're so fucking drunk." He chuckled as he guided me out of the Hard Deck with his arm round my shoulder.

--------------------------------------------

As we got to his house, I began to search the outside. It was quite nice.

We both went inside, Bradshaw helped me as I was stumbling everywhere. He guided me to the spare room and placed me on the bed.

"Goodnight sweetheart." Bradshaw muttered as he got to the door.

"Goodnight Bradshawwwww." I said before quite literally passing out as my head hit the pillow.

[tornprince]

Hey, so not to leap into your ask box as a total stranger, but you mentioned in the tags that you were willing to answer questions about phalloplasty. I’m still figuring out if I want it, and if it’s not an inconvenience, I’d like to hear about what it’s like, or any common misconceptions or things you’d be ok with sharing. You don’t have to answer it publicly if you don’t want to, or answer at all. No pressure!

Howdy, I’d be happy to! This turned out a lot longer than I thought it would so sorry for the little essay lol

Since there are a lot of little variations on phalloplasty both in the type you get and the “stages” I’ll explain that first.

I got RFF/forearm flap phalloplasty with urethral lengthening, clitoral burial and a full vaginectomy. My first surgery was a hysterectomy and partial vaginectomy, about 6 months after that I got the phallo itself, urethra lengthening and the rest of the vaginectomy, and then a couple weeks after that I got glansplasty. I’m scheduled to get the erectile and testicular implants later this month. All of this was covered by insurance.

I am overall extremely happy with my phallo, it’s really been everything I could have wanted. I’ll just give a kind of random run down of some things:

Healing: If you count the time for all of the above surgeries I took roughly 2 and a half months off work. 2 weeks for the hysto/vaginectomy, 6 weeks for the phallo and another 2 for the glansplasty. I’ll be taking a week off for the next one.

I spent 5 days in the hospital after the phallo, those were by far the roughest days. Like the first day after surgery the big thing they had me do was just sit up in bed, and even that made me feel very dizzy and sick.

By far the most painful parts of healing were the vaginectomy and the thigh graft. I had a catheter for 6 weeks which was a pain in the ass, and the forearm graft needs daily dressing changes for several weeks. Once you get past those first few days though, it’s kind of surprising how not terrible it is. I was walking my dog after like 3 weeks.

The part that has the highest complication rate is the urethral lengthening, I was told by my urologist that the percentage of urethral complications after surgery was somewhere between 60-70%, I was basically told to go into surgery kind of just expecting there would be some sort of urethral complication.

This did happen to me and I got a stricture (urethra healing tight enough you can’t pee through it) twice. The first time they fixed it while I was getting the glansplasty, the second time I had to go in for an extra minor surgery to fix it. Since then I have had no issues.

Here is what my urologist had to say about the urethral complications when I asked for details: in quite a few cases they just heal on their own with a little additional time using a catheter and they never need surgical intervention. He said if it ever became necessary, they could just “disconnect” the new urethra and have you go back to peeing the way you did before surgery.

He also stated that they had never had that happen and had always been able to get the new plumbing working, even if in some cases it took longer.

Sensation: I did not lose any clitoral sensation, it’s just buried in the base of the phallus so you have to kind of rub/squeeze harder to get there. I was able to orgasm as soon as I was cleared for sexual stimulation after surgery, which I believe was 2 months?

My surgeon said that although the degree of sexual sensation a person has after surgery can vary, they had never had anybody completely lose sensation or be unable to orgasm after surgery.

I won’t get too detailed on this public post but it has been less than a year since my phallo and I have enough sexual sensation on my penis to orgasm just from it being touched, the buried clitoris doesn’t have to be stimulated (though it does help!)

Visual: I don’t have too much to say here but I’ve often seen people say that phallo dicks “look weird” or whatever. Mine looks….like a normal penis. It has been seen by many people of all genders and sexualities and nobody has ever said anything was off about it.

Really there is enough natural variation in native penises that I don’t think you’d end up with anything that wouldn’t be possible on someone born with a penis.

Hope this was helpful! If you have follow up questions feel free to bug me

[all-risejd]

A New Judgment Chapter 3: Decisions and Meddling (Poly Judgment Day Fic)

Written by Scarletxraine who can’t seem to remember to post to this godforsaken hellsite so has me post here for your enjoyment!

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4. Part 5. Part 6. Part 7.

Nessa is sitting at the nurse's station towards the end of her shift charting when she hears the receptionist on her walkie. "Nurse Klein, you have a personal call on line 1"

"Thank you" She answers, knowing to not piss off the front desk people. She sighs before she answers the phone, having a good idea who is on the other end. "Nurse Klein pediatrics unit, how can I help you?" There is silence for a moment on the other line before a familiar voice speaks.

"Mijita please hear me out." Comes Rey's voice and Nessa slams the receiver down and pinches the bridge of her nose.

"What's that about boss lady?" Her friend and fellow nurse Olivia asks, taking a seat next to her and begins charting herself.

"Dom's father" Comes her muffled reply as her face is now in her hands.

"We saw what happened last night, fuck him." The young nurse comments showing solidarity with her boss and friend.

Nessa lifts her head and looks at Olivia and cracks a small smile. "Thank you, Liv. He has created such a mess and now I don't know what to do." Nessa laments and leans back in her chair.

"Babes just block the lot of them!" Olivia suggests and shrugs her shoulders as she keeps typing away.

"Liv, I was offered a job, there is already a plan in place here to replace me if I agree and it is more than triple what I make in a year, and it is a three-year contract." Olivia spits out her water she just took a swig of as Nessa explains.

"As what? A nurse? You gonna wrestle or what?!" Olivia rapid fire questions before one of her call lights go off. She goes to take care of it. Nessa sighs in relief that doesn't last long as her walkie comes on again.

"Nessa, that call is back on line 1. Is something going on?"

"Ignore all calls from that number please. I'm sorry it's my ex's father trying to meddle." She explains rolling her eyes.

"That is perfectly fine, thank you for letting us know. By the way you have another call on line 2 now. It's a different number" The voice says. Nessa groans and answers the second line.

"Nurse Klein Pediatrics unit how can I help you?"

"Mi corazon" Dom's voice comes through.

"Dom, I'm at work. We aren't together anymore. Pet names aren't going to make it all better so please just stick to my name. What do you need and please make it quick I am dealing with sick kids." She is a little colder than she wants to be.

"I know about the contract. Paul told us it is a possibility, but it is ultimately up to you. I know this is the only way to contact you at work and I just want to say do what will make you happy. You have spent too long worrying about me and my happiness. You need to focus on yourself. If you decide to sign the contract and join us I will follow your lead. I'll refuse anything that will make you uncomfortable, my priority will be you." Nessa hears a sharp, "T oo much bro ," that she assumes is Damien in the background and rolls her eyes.

"Give me the phone Dom Dom" She hears Rhea command. "Listen, sweetheart, just do you and fuck the rest. Sorry for Dom Dom disturbing you at work. Get back to it doll." Rhea apologizes before hanging up the phone. Nessa looks at the receiver confused before slowly hanging it up.

"What in the world." She mutters to herself as Olivia comes back.

"What he called again?" Olivia sits back down.

"Yes, and Dom called too. He told me to do what makes me happy." She answers, and Olivia rolls her eyes.

"Aww that's sweet but too little too late. Now about that contract. Explain now." Olivia is practically bouncing in her chair.

"Uh, a double contract, medical team, and talent. Basically, an escort to the ring and getting involved and relationship stories. It may turn to wrestling so I would have to train. Right now I have my cousin looking at it."

"Are you going to do it?"

"Maybe, I don't know. There is a possibility I would have to pretend to be back together with him or even do a triangle." Nessa starts to chew on her thumbnail again.

"Could you handle that?" Olivia looks worried.

"On camera, yes, behind the scenes that would hurt almost too much," Nessa admits.

"Would you take him back if he asked?"

Nessa doesn't immediately answer, only the clacking of keyboards filling the silence. Nessa finally answers. "There are some complications if it came to that, he hurt me Liv but there is something there that I need to know, to understand. He would have to earn my trust before I even would consider it even with the complication." Olivia looks confused and like she was going to ask for clarification, but Nessa's walkie cuts her off.

"Nessa, you have yet another personal call on line 1." Nessa thanks them before answering the phone.

"Look, I'm at work and I would very much like to not be fired for taking personal calls on the clock!"

"Nessa, it's Abe. I am doing you a favor for free so I'd appreciate it if you would drop the attitude." Nessa looks chagrined and Olivia laughs.

"I'm sorry Abe, I've been getting calls from Dom and his dad for the last hour or so and got fed up." She apologizes

"It's alright, I know work calls are supposed to be an emergency, so since this is time sensitive, I wanted to tell you I'm done going over the contract and to call me when you get home. I am surprised how good of a contract it is for you." He responds, short sweet and to the point.

"Thanks Abe, I owe you one or 5," She thanks her cousin before hanging up. She looks to Olivia who gives her the spill look. "He said he is surprised how good it is for me and to call him as soon as I get home."

"And does that help your decision at all? When do you have to decide?" Olivia signs out of the computer.

"Not in the slightest." Nessa shrugs.

"Girl there is something you aren't telling me, spill!" Olivia turns her chair to face Nessa.

"I can't, it isn't my business to tell, maybe some other time ok it's time to do the hand off and I have an important call to make." Nessa avoids answering, earning a light glare from her friend. Once home Nessa changes out of her scrubs and calls her cousin. Once the niceties are out of the way he gets down to explaining.

"They don't give you creative control, however, you do get to veto certain aspects of stories. And it is your decision if you want to get physical and must be made in advance. You will be the medical assigned to The Judgement Day for the most part. The contract is more than fair and if they release you from it, they have to pay out the full three-year salary to you. Whoever was involved had your back when this was written. No matches whatsoever unless both parties agree, and this Paul approves and a medical team clears it. I see no loopholes, it is very geared towards you. "

"Well, that would be Rey. His plan, he wants me to get back with Dom and to manipulate him away from the group he is in now. It's his backwards way of apologizing. And a half-assed attempt to incentivize me to do it. What should I do?" She asks as she begins to prepare her dinner.

"You are the party wronged here; it is up to you to decide if he has done what was needed to be forgiven. Before all this you applied to work there and here is your chance even though you aren't with him anymore. Maybe you'll meet a nice boy to marry." He teases and Nessa Scoffs.

"Now you sound like our moms." She groans.

"Look Nes, I'm not telling you to do it but seriously consider it. You can go back to working in hospitals after." He advises and adds, "And as your favorite cousin I think it would be awesome. Speaking strictly as your cousin and not your lawyer I think you should".

"That's why you are my favorite cousin, you are honest." She praises

"And I give you legal advice for free, you owe me a batch of potato candy," he tells her serious about the potato candy.

"Thanks, Abe, I'll bring it next time I come over." She hangs up the phone and sets her bowl on her coffee table and grabs the remote to watch the second night of WrestleMania.

Nessa wakes up the next morning with a splitting headache that she attributes to the stress of the day before. She lays there in bed debating on whether or not she would go in to work. Her thoughts are interrupted by her phone ringing. She sees an unknown number and answers it hesitantly.

"Hello."

"Good morning, Miss Klein, It's Paul, HHH. I know it's early and I apologize, But I would like to have The Judgement Day do a promo to potentially set up for your debut if you decide to join us."

"It's your show sir you can do as you like, you don't have to ask me."

"Well, I do. If we are using your name and likeness with you not being contracted as of yet we need permission to protect against litigation. Also, Have you thought about the offer?" He asks and Nessa slowly gets out of bed and begins getting ready while answering,

"I have been thinking about it and no I don't have an answer yet sir. I still need more time to think on it still. However, I think I'll have my answer by tomorrow sir, yes go ahead and do the promos." She gets her shoes on. The phone call having made the decision for her so she can have some peace.

"That is no problem and thank you, Miss Klein. I do want to let you know if you do say yes we will need to immediately fly you out so you can get your health checks done and start training on how to take bumps if you are going to get physically involved. I'll talk to you again soon." He finishes the call and Nessa groans, grabbing her keys and heading to work. Having decided to give it a try even with her migraine. That way she doesn't have to answer her cell phone which she is sure will be ringing off the hook.

When she gets to the hospital, she makes sure to bring coffee to the front desk as a form of apology for the previous day and for the incessant calls that are sure to happen today. "Please unless it is an emergency take a message don't worry about passing the call along. My ex's father is being relentless, wanting us back together, and is meddling. His mom and sister will try to call too." She warns them and apologizes again before loading the elevator to go to her floor. She goes a few hours into her 12-hour shift before her walkie comes on from the front desk.

"Nurse Klein, Oscar has called 5 times and wants you to call back when you can, an Aalyah has called once and said please call asap it's important and you are needed in the Nurse Manager's office, someone is floating to your floor to cover your patients while you are there." As the front desk finishes speaking the elevator opens and another nurse comes in and up to the station. Nessa gives him the rundown before going to her boss's office.

About an hour later Nessa is back on her floor, her head hurting worse than before mumbling to herself. "it's not my fault the company got involved, I can't stop them from constantly calling self-righteous prick" Olivia hears her grumbles and shakes her head feeling bad for her friend.

"Sounds like your hands are getting tied. Evan always had an issue with women supervisors, and they just handed him the ammo he needed." She points out to Nessa who lays her head in her arms. The floater nurse is still dealing with her patients.

"I almost have no choice, Because of the meddling and calls I now have a target on my back. Even after I'll have to go work at a different hospital." She groans

"If you leave them and don't start dating any of those extremely attractive people that work for that company. I know you are Hella flexible." Olivia teases and Nessa flips her off her head still in her arms.

"Well even if I don't decide I think I need to go to another hospital I can't work with him anymore," Nessa thinks aloud.

"Oh please, we both know you are going to sign that contract. You want closure and it is good money. Plus who knows like I said I saw how you were with those two guys after Dom's fight. And the one that showed you out." Olivia continues to tease and Nessa's head jerks up.

"What that was shown too! And what was said!?" Nessa begins to spiral.

"Calm down, it was at a distance we couldn't hear anything, just saw you making eyes mutually with the tall one. I don't know his name. I don't normally follow the WWE but I'll have to start." Olivia tries to calm her friend who is rubbing her temples now.

"That is Damien, and he constantly flirts, every other word is a cutesy nickname. I did not make eyes at him!" Nessa denies, and Olivia gives her a look like " Sure " and just laughs. "Look since I have a floater covering me, I am going home early, I'll call you because apparently the decision has been made for me." Nessa gets up and hugs Olivia. "Once I give my answer I have to fly out and get testing done as well as start training immediately." She explains, saying goodbye without saying the words and gathering up her stuff.

"Go and call me as much as you can, I need the tea. Especially if you get with tall dark and broody!" Olivia calls out as Nessa boards the elevator and glares out as the doors close.

Once Nessa is in the car, she can't help but start crying, so she just sits there wallowing, overwhelmed because yet again a Mysterio has wrecked her life. She finally collects herself and wipes the tears off her cheeks and goes to start the car, ignoring her cell phone ringing. Nessa just lays on her couch under her weighted blanket trying to find some semblance of comfort, just staring at the tv. Eventually, she gets annoyed at the phone ringing and answers after looking at the caller id.

"Yes Aalyah?" She sniffles, still crying on and off.

"I thought the plan was to get you two back together. You are my sister and I thought it might work and you'd be happy again. You haven't been yourself since he left. I didn't know they were going to try to manipulate him by using you. I was just so excited and wanted Dom to suffer for hurting you. I didn't think it through. I am so sorry. I should have spoken up for you and put my anger for him aside to protect you."

"In your eagerness to punish Dom you hurt me. I see you understand why that is bad and you feel true remorse for it. So, I appreciate that Aalyah, and I accept your apology. But understand I'll need time, it won't be as it was between us for a while."

"I understand Ness." She sighs in relief and continues, "Look he is an idiot for what he did to you. We thought he would marry you, Hell, he gave you the bracelet." She complains and Nessa sits up.

"Yeah well, I gave it back. I am honored to be a part of its history but it's not rightfully mine." She explains to Aalyah who is shocked into silence. "Pops is still meddling, he got them to give me a contract and buy out my current one at work and had it in place for me to say yes. I basically quit today because it put a target on me from my boss so I have no choice now." Nessa groans, glad to have someone on the inside to talk to again.

"I think I overheard something about that Saturday, but I wasn't sure that's why I didn't tell you. I think I might be part of that too. I'm sorry for the calls, Dad asked me to call you at work I'm sorry I didn't know." She apologizes again, beginning to see how desperate her parent are and are hurting someone innocent in the situation. "Look since you are apparently doing it, you can get back at Dom for what he did or even get back together with him," Aalyah continues and Nessa groans and throws her head back.

"Not this again, I just want him to be happy and for me to finally move on. He is happy with who he is with, and I support that. And I won't be trying to split them up." Nessa tells her sternly.

"Fine fine, maybe you can find someone else to make you happy. Maybe like-" Aalyah starts but Nessa cuts her off seeing where that is going.

"Aalyah no not you too. You sound like Abe and Olivia. There wasn't anything between us."

Aalyah starts laughing, "Sure, Nes nothing there besides sexual tension even though you just met. But I'll leave it be for now." She agrees.

"Also please tell your parents to stop calling me, if and when I am ready to talk I will. You wanted to make things right then back me up please." Nessa almost begs.

"Of course, sis, I have your back always. Just answer one question." Aalyah takes the silence as a go-ahead. "What are you going to wear? Either way, they won't be able to keep their eyes off you." Aalyah asks all sorts of giddy.

"Goodbye Aalyah I'll talk to you later." Nessa hangs up the phone tired of the teasing. She looks at the time and decides to tune into Raw.

She watches interested, as HHH comes out and thanks everyone behind the scenes even friends and family who support and he glances at the camera as says it. She listens as he continues his speech and is confused as he doesn't bring her up but introduces Roman Reigns. She rolls her eyes and just picks up her phone to read through her text messages. She sees many from Dominik and a few from the remaining judgment day members that she saved as they initially texted her, and she ignores them not having the energy to expend to have any of those conversations. There is only one she responds to.

"Hey, just want to make sure you are ok, I know we laid a lot on you Saturday." Rhea's message was to the point.

"Yes, I am ok, just dealing with the fallout from the mess Rey caused it isn't anything to do with what we discussed. Though I don't know how to answer you either." She responds, not paying any attention to Cody and Roman in the ring.

"Don't worry about it. When you are ready to discuss that we'll be here beautiful. Though I do have to say you have some good chemistry with us." She points out.

"That is just because you are all insanely attractive," Nessa texts back.

"And so are you, don't go putting yourself down again we won't allow that even as friends" Rhea orders making Nessa smile to herself.

"Yes Mami" Nessa responds jokingly but gets a shock back.

"Good girl." Is all it says, and Nessa lets out a squeak and her face flushes again and she is grateful she is home alone. She turns her attention to another text message that just came in.

"Chiqui, I hope you watch Raw tonight. Maybe it will sway your decision so we will see you again soon."

"At least he only messages me and doesn't blow up my phone." She mutters to herself and glances at the tv again to see Bad Bunny being interviewed and she rolls her eyes as Rey's music comes on after and makes his entrance into the ring before grabbing a mic.

"I want to take a moment to thank you the WWE universe because you have welcomed me with open arms. Thank you. I also want to apologize to someone who should be my daughter-in-law Nessa. I was wrong to bring her to WrestleMania and would like to apologize face to face later this week on Smackdown if you would Mijita." Nessa leans forward as he then thanks Bad Bunny before Austin Theory's music comes on and he comes out to the ring challenging Rey to a match. She clasps her hands together as a ref comes out and the match eventually starts.

She keeps a close eye on the match having a gut feeling Dominik is going to interfere and she isn't disappointed as he runs down the ram and jumps on the apron as Rey sets up a 619 and gets hit. He falls to the ground Damien not too far behind him helping him up. They stay there until Austin wins the match and Damien tells Dom to get in the ring and Damien winks at the camera before following Dominik in the ring as he beats on his dad who is just laying there.

Not long after he turns his attention to Bad Bunny and jumps out of the ring standing in front of him trading words Bunny claiming he did the right thing. Dominik turns to walk away, and Bunny runs his mouth again

"She's better off without you."

Dom turns around throwing a punch only for it to be blocked and Bunny punches him instead. He falls to the floor scooting back, Damien rushing to his side to check on him. Damien throws up his arms before yanking Bunny over the barricade and throwing him to the ground yelling at him, "You didn't need to get involved bro".

Bunny gets to his feet and shoves Damien back. Dom grabs Bunny and spins him around throwing another punch only for it to get blocked again and get another punch to the face. Damien, fed up by now throws his arms up again and drops Bunny and takes off his jacket. Damien then drags Bunny over to the announce table and slams him through it.

"You don't get to mention her, don't even think about her." he growls out and Dom pats his shoulder in thanks before jumping back in the ring and grabbing Rey and stomping on him for a bit. He then exits the ring and makes his way up the ramp next to Damien. They pause at the top of the ramp, Damien's arm around Dom's shoulders repeating,

"You shouldn't have gotten involved," And they watch as Rey and the medical team rush over to check on Bunny before the Tv goes to commercial. She gets up and paces for a while, knowing that was the opening for her to join, tapping her phone against her lips. She glances at the tv as she sees Rhea confront Bianca Belair.

She finally decides to hit dial and holds the phone up to her ear.

"Hello, Miss Klein." Comes the voice on the other end and Nessa takes a breath "I'll do it."

[ygodmyy20]

Okay I finally am getting around to this post! It's the 'Fuck how can mob psycho help me in so many ways god damnit I hate and love this show' post!

Shigeo joining the body improvement club, and everything about this part of his story is so personal to me. I just have to talk about it.

So as we all know at the start of the story, Shigeo joins the body improvement club to impress Tsubomi. Thats it. Thats the goal. He also joins because he wants to get stronger and not rely on his psychic powers but really like...the main reason is to impress her.

And this isn't new. A character wanting to get fit, lose weight, change some physical part of themselves for a crush is SO common in stories that you barely notice it.

But what I love, what I ADORE is how this progresses and changes.

This gif from an amazing AMV by @thekagepro24 and it just UGH hits me so hard it is so perfect!!! I could watch this 5 second gif over and over and over again

I just am. I just am dying while running, I just am making progress, I just am enjoying this because I really like it.

This puts everything I feel into visuals (it's so gooooood watch the AMV!!! DO IIIIIIT)

So many times society tells us to change something about ourselves, or we tell ourselves to change for the appeal of others.

Lose weight so people think you're pretty.

Get fit so you can get into clothes that make you look hot.

Get swol to make a person think you're attractive.

You are the one and only you, this is your one and only body. So why are you working out, why do you WANT to get "swol" who are you trying to impress. Is it for yourself? A crush? Society?

I have battled with the above for so long. I come from an athletic background, and did a lot of sports growing up, but I have never been small. I have battled with weight my whole life and had my own shitty bouts with ED.

I have been in therapy, I have read books, I have watched videos, I've been in and out of PT for nearly 5 years because of a lower back and hip pain that NEVER went away.

I never figured out WHY i wanted to exercise. It just always was "To lose weight" because I couldn't get that goal out of my head for years and years and years.

But then I watched mob psycho 100.

And I started a new type of physical therapy.

And was it mp100 or was it the therapy finally working, who can say which did it—probably both—but one day I thought...

....maybe I should just go for a run...for 5-10 mins. Just to see how it feels. It went against all parts of my athlete brain (because 10 mins is too short to see "gains"....which is dumb but whatever)

I thought of Shigeo and how he basically passed out every time he ran for like 2 mins, but he got better. He had to start from 0, well...kinda like negative 5 really. But then he was doing so much not even a few months in!

35 pushups is so hard!!! You go my boi.

Shigeo started off doing it all for Tsubomi, for others, and even if he really wanted to do it to improve himself I think it was a secondary goal initially. Main goal was to impress someone. Secondary was to get stronger.

But then the marathon happened. And those goals SWITCHED! DURING THE RACE! just....man it hit me. It hit me hard. THAT WHOLE EPISODE IS JUST A LOT FOR ME GOD DAMN

He ran for her initially but he continued running for himself. He continued working at it because he wanted to and in the end, after everything, after confession arc, after all that

This scene!!! makes me cry happy tears!! look at how happy he is UGH IT JUST IS SO UGGGHHHHHHH

Anyway if you made it this far, know that everyones journey through their body improvement, mental improvement, emotional improvement is different. We all have to tackle it in the way that works for us.

It took me nearly 10 years to start again because of this beautiful anime connecting the right dots in my brain.

Every journey is different, but just keep fighting on and you'll figure it out!

[kikizoshi]

youre learning Russian, right? I've also started learning with borrowed textbooks, and the consensus I've seen online is that its not enough, and that a course is necessary. if you don't mind I'd be really appreciative to know how you got where you are and if you think that's true.

Спасибо за помощь (ღゝ◡╹)ノ♡

Unfortunately, I don't really know what I'm doing either. Just kinda stumbling through, and "where I am" isn't all that far. I can only ever be an authority on what helps me learn Russian; in my experience, there's never been a one-to-one, "follow these steps I took to become fluent" method. Everyone has to figure out their own quirks. (And if this isn't true for someone then I'm very jealous of that person.)

I've seen about as many different opinions as there are ways to learn. Some think you need courses. Some think courses are useless. Some like textbooks; others hate them. The one consistent thing seems to be input--everyone agrees you need a lot of comprehensible input (meaning, you understand some of what you're consuming). But is a course necessary? I don't think so. Whether it could be vastly beneficial or a waste of time and money is something that depends entirely on the person's learning style. A resource I've linked further down may help you determine whether it'd help you. I've never taken a course, so I don't have any experience there.

Also: I have ADHD, so everything here is working around that. Motivation is a massive issue for me, and I've generally found that forcing my way through something droll for long periods of time just... isn't something I can make myself do. It burns me out. I try to make everything something I want to do, or at least not very painful. But my methods are also slower and less effective than something more structured.

Comprehensible Input

How I got to it being helpful:

People go on about comprehensible input all the time, and I can see why; it's extremely important. It's what finally moved me from mid-A1 to late-A2. But actually getting to a place where input even can be comprehensible was so horrifically painful for me that for a long while I felt completely inept. So, here's the things I did, in order, that I think helped:

A0-A1 (not helpful yet)

Duolingo + Twitter: Don't get me wrong--I hate Duolingo. And non-fanart Twitter. But it was a great combination for learning Cyrillic. I used Duolingo's earliest levels to get familiar with Cyrillic and some very basic words. Concurrently, I followed some Russian fanartists on Twitter who also posted text posts frequently, and turned notifs on for them. That made it so that 3-5 times a day, I would get a notification for a post in Russian, and I would practise reading/sounding out Cyrillic. I wasn't too focused on understanding what the post was saying, just getting a familiarity with the alphabet.

Memrise + Anki: Pain. God, so much pain. This was the worst. Necessary and effective, but the absolute, God-forsaken worst. Once I felt comfortable enough with Cyrillic, I started working through two decks: a. Memrise: vlarya's 10k most common Russian words deck. It goes in order of most to least common, has audio, and has typing practise. This replaces Duolingo. (When Memrise inevitably removes community courses altogether, feel free to ask for a backup of this deck. If I'm still on here by then, I should be able to give my backup that works with Anki.) I don't recommend Memrise's official courses. b. Anki: Neri's Russian Sentences (blog link) deck is great for practising the simple words you're learning with Memrise, getting common phrases down, and starting to see how Russian as a language comes together. It'll take a bit to click. c. keybr: I also started practising a little with keybr, mainly because having to type in Russian on Memrise sucks with the on-screen keyboard. keybr is the best site I've found to learn to touch type different keyboards. It's extremely effective. If you're already a touch-typer, a few hours should be enough to type well enough for Memrise.

YouTube: Russian With Max's 'For Beginners' Playlist was really helpful and motivating, at this point. He speaks slowly, simply, and clearly enough that I could understand him, where I couldn't understand anyone else yet.

I... God, I hate the A0-A1 stage so much. You can't do anything. At least now, I can watch TikToks, read comments, enjoy memes, and understand enough of those to enjoy myself. The stage where you understand nothing is by far the most awful to me. I wish I had anything to make it more bearable, but it's really just the worst. Hopefully you're either past this already, or close to past it. The small mercy is that it doesn't take too long to claw your way out of.

A1-A2 (helpful now)

[Active Immersion] Memrise + Reading/Watching (comp input): keep working through vlarya's 10k deck. My routine is: speed review due cards; finish the 10 cards I started learning yesterday; start learning 10 new words today. That's my reps and warmup. Then, depending on my mood, I'll either read at least 30 mins of 'Дом, в котором...' (with or without audiobook, again depending on mood), or watch at least 30 mins of Max's intermediate vids w/ Russian subtitles. Sometimes in my free time I'll watch Russian lit or ДВК TikToks.

[Passive Immersion] Music/Audiobooks/Let's Plays: pretty self-explanatory. My passive input isn't as comprehensible rn, but I focus on things I enjoy. A let's play to fall asleep to, an audiobook while I'm doing something that requires on-and-off focus. The goal here is just to understand snatches of whatever I can, not so much the whole thing. Eventually, those snatches become more frequent.

I'm sure more dedicated study would help me a lot right now, but I don't really have the time or motivation to, so I don't try to force it.

Regarding Russian language learning YouTube channels, and why I only recommend Max:

I've found that most popular Russian learning YouTube channels feel... well, like school. They're not very interesting, they don't feel very organic. It doesn't feel like I'd be watching their videos for any other reason than learning Russian, which is bad for me, because I need to make Russian part of my life to have any motivation to do it.

So, the reason I like Max's channel so much is that he talks about things that're actually interesting and relevant to me. This video is a personal favourite, but he has a lot of videos about all sorts of topics--some of which I'm genuinely interested in. And his demeanour is more vlogger, less teacher. I like him as a person. (Protip: in this stage, don't be afraid to start his intermediate videos early, even if you don't feel you're there yet. It can still be very helpful to pick out the words you do know, and most of his videos have Russian and English subtitles if you're confused.)

Regarding how to find a good Russian book to read:

I... don't know. Reading ДВК with the audiobook really, really helped with my reading ability, and continues to. I can't state enough how important it was for me. But how to find a book that you can read over and over again... I don't know. I just know that Harry Potter would be absolute torture.

I've seen people say that you should start reading simple things, like children's stories. I personally haven't done much of that, because children's stories bore me out of my mind, but if you like them then I'd give that a shot. I've also heard that Chekhov's stories are good for beginners (I've heard that about Pushkin too, but I'm not sure how easy poetry would be to understand). Read-alongs on YouTube could be good too. Russian With Max has some old livestream read-alongs, and there are plenty of Russian read-alongs on YouTube.

Aside - if you're curious about 'Дом, в котором...', this fan-made trailer is the entire reason I picked up ДВК; the vibes captivated me and I had to know what it was about. So for anyone interested: if the trailer looks cool to you, you may like the book. The English translation is called 'The Gray House'. ДВК is fairly long, and different POV characters have differing levels of complexity with the language. The early chapters are the simpler ones, conveniently, so starting from the beginning should be fine. It's a slice-of-life type story, so easy to pick up and put down. I recommend the Князев audiobook, which is almost certainly the one you'll find if you search 'дом в котором аудиокнига' (it's a fan-made audiobook, so I don't think you can buy it, but like LOTR the fan version is by far the best).

Resources

r/languagelearning's resources page is a good place to skim through, see if anything sticks out. I recommend reading through their 'How to Teach Yourself a Foreign Language'. It's good for giving you an idea of how different people learn, different learning methods, how those methods work for others, and what might work for you.

Refold's Roadmap is very helpful for me to understand where I'm currently at, and what sort of activities it would be beneficial for me to be working on. I use their definition of levels (i.e. A1), so if I wasn't clear what I meant by A1 vs A2, reading through this could be helpful.

SRS:

Anki's for decks I have to create myself, or if I need a more specialised deck. I prefer Memrise for vocab, mainly for typing practise and the better UI. If you want to use Anki for vocab: Refold's ru15k deck is good for A2+. There are plenty of simple word decks to pick from for A0-A1. If you want to word mine to create your own Anki decks, see FLTR below.

Grammar:

New Penguin Russian Course is supposed to be good for grammar. I looked through it, and it does look good. If you understand grammar. I don't, but putting it here for those who do.

Reading:

u/La_Nuit_Americaine's post about reading helps me with motivation, and gave me some pointers about how to do it.

FLTR (Foreign Language Text Reader) is a good Windows program alternative to LingQ, if you can't or don't want to pay for LingQ's subscription. You have to input the word definitions yourself. I used Reverso and Yandex Translate together for this. Your word list can be exported to Anki.

ReadLang is supposed to be a good web-based alternative to LingQ (its free level is still usable, unlike LingQ's). I've not used it much, but it seems pretty good. My preference is using some translation extension that will let you click on a word and automatically translate it and move on quickly. Simple Translate on Firefox is what I use.

Video Media:

Language Reactor is a subtitle extension for YouTube, Netflix, etc. that has a bunch of cool features. I hardly use it because it's not on Firefox, but if you use Chrome, Opera, etc., it's really handy. For YouTube, it will translate the auto-generated subs for videos, so if you have a Russian video that only has Russian auto-generated subtitles, you can use Language Reactor to get English subtitles.

Other ADHD Accommodations:

Being kind to myself is very important. I can't make myself study by thinking "why can't you just" or "it's not that hard, what's wrong with you". I can't make myself study with positive words either, but using positive language helps my morale so that I have more motivation to study more often.

I use a different browser (Opera) solely for learning Russian. I chose Opera because Language Reactor works on it (would've used Chrome but Chrome is set up for work), but the general idea is having a separate space for Russian. I put Opera's language in Russian, and I keep all my Russian-learning tabs open there, so that when I'm ready to study it's as simple as opening Opera. Having it separated like that also helps my brain see active study as a task that can be opened and closed, rather than combined with everything else (Firefox).

I try to give myself enough options of things to do for immersion that it's always a choice. My brain has so many different states: motivated; unmotivated; foggy; clear; distracted; focused. Each one will want--or even need--something different. If it's a foggy day, I may be able to read along ДВК with an audiobook, but not able to read words without that help. If I'm distracted, TikToks may help more than reading; if I'm focused, reading may help more than TikToks. Or if I'm completely unmotivated, watching one of Max's vids is more passive than reading, therefore less painful.

I love Russian. Not much to this one. I don't think I could stick to learning a language I didn't love for the sake of the language itself.

I wasted time and motivation watching things I wasn't interested in, trying to find media in Russian that appealed to me. I don't recommend that. I don't know the alternative, but I always felt horrible about myself after. It's important to have media you like, but forcing it won't work. Russian movies don't interest me. Everyone else's favourite Russian YouTubers don't appeal to me at all. TikTok is much better for me in that regard, because I can search for specific fandoms that interest me. Luck seems to be the only thing that works for finding good YouTubers.

Textbooks are my kryptonite. I can't use them. They drain motivation so fast. If they work for you, that's great. If they don't, I don't know that forcing it is the solution. It wasn't for me.

I scroll language learning subreddits sometimes for motivation. It's not productive, generally. But it's fun. And I do get some ideas sometimes.

I've mostly accepted that my progress is going to be slower than others. I'm trying not to compare myself. I'm enjoying it now, mostly, learning slowly but learning, and each time I reaffirm that that's okay, it becomes truer.

[gods-favorite-autistic]

Rise of the Pink Ladies incorrect quotes

Its long as hell so imma put a post break here

~

Jane: I think we're missing something.

Olivia: Teamwork?

Cynthia: Cohesion?

Nancy: A general sense of what we’re doing?

~

Cynthia: Olivia isn’t answering her phone

Jane: I’ll call

Cynthia: Nancy and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-

Olivia: Hello?

~

Jane: *Gently taps table*

Olivia: *Taps back*

Cynthia: What are they doing?

Nancy: Morse code.

Jane: *Aggressively taps table*

Olivia: *Slams hands down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK-

~

Jane: Dammit, Nancy!

Nancy: What?! It wasn’t me!

Jane: Sorry, force of habit. Dammit, Cynthia!

Cynthia: Not me either.

Jane: Oh...Then who set the house on fire?

Olivia: *whistles*

~

Cynthia: Is stabbing someone immoral?

Nancy: Not if they consent to it.

Olivia: Depends who you’re stabbing.

Jane: YES?!?

~

*Jane's helping Olivia out after she gets injured, while the others are watching*

Cynthia: How does Olivia look?

Nancy: A little better than you, actually

~

Jane: I think Nancy was right.

Olivia: I'm surprised she hasn’t marched in here to say 'I told you so.'

Cynthia: She wouldn't do that.

Nancy: You're right, Cynthia. For once in your life, you're 100% right. I would never say that.

Nancy: *turns around, the shirt she’s wearing says 'Nancy Told You So' on the back*

~

Cop: You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle.

Cynthia: Shit.

Olivia: Wait, three?

Cop: Yeah?

Jane: OH MY GOD NANCY FELL OFF!!!

~

Olivia: Apparently we’re getting someone new in the group.

Cynthia: Are we stealing them?

Nancy: New or used?

Olivia: Wonderful responses, both of you.

~

Cynthia: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!

Olivia: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD

Cynthia: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING NANCY WITH ME

Jane, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.

~

Jane: *Trying to fill out legal paperwork stuff* Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?

Olivia: Bold of you to assume I was born at all.

Cynthia: I personally was created in a lab.

Nancy: I just straight up spawned lol.

~

Jane: Everyone, synchronize your watches.

Olivia: I don’t know how to do that.

Cynthia: I don’t wear a watch.

Nancy: Time is a construct.

~

Cynthia: Sorry it took me so long to bail you out of jail

Nancy: No it’s my fault, I shouldn’t’ve used my one phone call to prank call the police

~

Olivia: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming

Jane: Does anyone in this godforsaken group ever think before they speak

~

Cynthia, struggling to keep upright in her 1 inch heels: Yeah, I-I don’t really think heels are for me

Olivia, pointing at her and walking flawlessly in sparkly golden 6 inch heels: WEAK.

~

Cynthia: *holding a bottle* Is this whiskey or perfume?

Nancy: *chugs entire bottle*

Nancy: It’s perfume.

~

Cynthia: I think I'm having a mid-life crisis.

Jane: You're like 15 years old

Cynthia: I MIGHT DIE AT 30!

~

Cynthia: I learned some very valuable lessons from this.

Jane: I’m guessing they are all horrible distortions on the lessons you actually should’ve taken away.

Nancy: Death isn’t real, and I’m basically God

~

Olivia: You're the love of my life and my best friend, I would do anything for you.

Jane: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.

Olivia: Absolutely not.

(This could work with either sibling but I’m gay so you get gay people)

~

Cynthia: Top 30 reasons why Cynthia is sorry... Number 5 will surprise you!

Olivia: Top 30 anime deaths. Number One: YOUR FUCKING ASS RIGHT NOW!!!

~

Jane: So what’s for dinner?

Cynthia, staring at the food she just burnt: Regret

~

Jane: WHAT’S YOUR TYPE

Olivia: Anything, honestly, but nerds especially

Jane, desperately, as Olivia bleeds out: YOUR BLOOD TYPE

Olivia: Oh! B positive.

Jane: DONT TRY TO CHEER ME UP JUST TELL ME YOUR BLOOD TYPE

Olivia:

~

Cynthia: I'm 10 times funnier and sexier than you

Nancy: 10 times 0 is still 0 though

Cynthia: Jokes on you, I can't do math

~

Jane: Can you please be serious for five minutes?

Cynthia: My record is four, but I think I can do it.

~

Olivia: You often use humor to deflect trauma

Cynthia: Thank you

Olivia: I didn't say that was a good thing

Cynthia: What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny

~

Jane: Okay, truth or dare?

Nancy: Truth

Jane: How many hours have you three slept this week?

Nancy:

Cynthia: ...Dare

Jane: Go to bed.

Olivia: I don’t like this game.

~

Olivia: In light of what you did for me, you can hug me for four to five seconds.

Jane: FORTY FIVE SECONDS?!?

Olivia: No! Four to five seconds!

Jane: Too late!!!

~

Cynthia: Don’t worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve.

Jane: I think you mean cards.

Cynthia, pulling knives out of her sleeves: No, I do not.

~

Jane: This is such a bad idea.

Nancy: Then why are you coming along?

Jane: One of us need to be able to talk the cops out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong.

~

Nancy: If I die, my funeral is going to be the biggest party ever and you’re all invited

Olivia: If?

Cynthia: Great, the only party I’ve ever been invited to and she might not even die.

~

Jane, to Nancy: My life is in the hands of an idiot!

Nancy, motioning to herself and Cynthia: No no no no no, TWO idiots!

~

Cynthia: What if I press the brake and gas at the same time?

Nancy: The car takes a screenshot.

Olivia: For the last time, get the fuck out.

~

Cynthia: If I accidentally sat on a voodoo doll of myself, would I be trapped forever in that position, doomed to starve to death?

Nancy: How am I supposed to know?

Olivia: You say, as if we don’t use you as a source of knowledge of the occult.

Nancy: *sighs*

Nancy: You wouldn't be trapped.

~

Store Worker: Would a Ms. Jane please come to the front desk?

Jane, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?

Store Worker: points to Nancy and Jane

Store Worker: I believe they belong to you?

Nancy and Cynthia, simultaneously: We got lost :(

Jane: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me-

~

Jane: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me

Nancy: Okay, but in my defense, Cynthia bet me 50 cents I couldn’t drink all that shampoo.

Jane: That’s not what I wanted to- you drank SHAMPOO?!

~

Cynthia: I told Olivia her ears flush when they lie.

Jane: Why?

Cynthia: Look.

Cynthia: Hey Olivia! Do you love us?

Olivia, covering her ears: No.

Jane:

~

*Cynthia and Nancy sitting in jail together*

Nancy: So who should we call?

Cynthia: I’d call Olivia, but I feel safer in jail

~

Cynthia: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container.

Nancy: The cow???

Cynthia: What?

Jane: Nancy, W H Y?

~

Jane: We need a distraction.

Olivia: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises?

Cynthia, whispering: My time has come

~

Cynthia: Hey, Olivia? Can I get some dating advice?

Olivia: Just because I’m with Jane doesn’t mean I know how I did it.

[yawn-junn]

♡︎Minjae Boyfriend Head Cannons♡︎

(ran out of storage before I could save a pic of him...)

(I'll update it in the future)

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FINALLY!! I'm writing for Xikers anyway every Wednesday I should post a boyfriend head cannon till I get all the members done then I'll start with the requests so please don't forget to leave a request but also don't forget to read my rules before requesting thank you!

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TW: protective Minjae : joke about selling someone's soul : mentions of passing out : Mentions of food : Mentions of Jealousy : mentions of getting hate : swearing : mentions of anxiety : pets :

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✶He is protective but not the overwhelming kind of protective

✶He loves cuddles like this man will sell his soul to cuddle with you at all times

✶If your an artsy person (like me) he would love to be apart of one of your creations or he'd love to watch you make your art (not in a creepy way-)

✶Nose kisses are his weakness he will literally pass out from how fast his heart is beating if you give him nose kisses

✶If you haven't had any food all day he will go out of his way and either share with you his food or go buy you food

✶Since he is apart of a big group you guys can't really go out on dates which doesn't bother him he loves at home dates to him it feels a lot more romantic and genuine

✶He loves matching outfits with you

✶Hes not really a jealousy type of person but maybe if the person tries hard enough to make him jealous then he will lose all emotion in his face and be extremely scary

✶He doesn't wanna reveal you to the fans till it's been a few years into both the relationship and his career since being a rookie and all he doesn't want you nor him to get a lot of hate

✶But if you two are in a public relationship he will protect you from the hate and make long posts about how amazing you are basically just telling the haters to shut the hell up

✶It took him a minute (by that I mean you'd probably have to be dating for awhile before he does) but eventually he introduced you to the members

✶If your like me and have really bad anxiety he will be the best comfort

✶If your a night owl he will force you to fix your sleep schedule no matter how much protests you make

✶If you have a pet he will take on the job of it being his 10th child

✶Since he is the leader he has experience in the "father" life so he'd take pretty good care of you

✶Very very very mature when meeting your parents I mean he has an entire mental list of the right things to do/say

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478 𝔚𝔬𝔯𝔡𝔰

5-17-23

[mod-kyoko]

"Shatter Me" kirumi tojo angst fic

info: gn!reader, established relationship, tw: pstd, scars, mentions of execution, around 3,200 words

type: angst with hurt/comfort, oneshot, post-game AU

a/n: this is a completely indulgent kirumi angst I had cooking up, basically this is set after post-game where everything was a simulation and the damage done to the 'characters' is done to them irl title is a reference to this song which I personally think suits Kirumi well but who knows lmfao

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it was all like a horrible nightmare, a nightmare you weren’t even sure you could ever wake from. all the death, the pain and the misery would never be something you could shake from. every single trial, each passing moment your life was on the line… yet each time someone dies, you just wished you took their place. you survived, at what cost? only to be told that your talent and memories were nothing more than a fabrication to appease an audience? you never really found out if those interview videos were real or not…  you saw yourself, clear as day; “if I were in Danganronpa…I would love to be an Ultimate !3$5&*+...I would kill in a way no one has ever seen!”

did you really say that? was that even you, looking up at the camera with wide, child-like eyes declaring you’d… kill? In some ways, you wished you were the first to go out… so you didn’t have to witness the death of your own lover.

kirumi tojo… the “Ultimate Maid” or so they wanted them to all believe. you instantly connected with her; her calm, composed and almost motherly demeanour sucked you in like a moth to a flame. even from the beginning it seemed like she felt it too, she treated you differently than the others. she kept her ‘devoted’ maid self but she checked on you more often, she always asked if you needed anything unprompted, and poured you more tea when you were finished with a cup. you spent many moments alone with her, she enjoyed your company and laughed at your stupid jokes. the first time you kissed her; it was in the spur of the moment, you weren’t thinking. she was just so beautiful, up close to you and asking you in a soft whisper if you wanted sugar with your tea. yet when your lips connected to hers, she was shocked of course but she didn’t pull herself away from you.

what things you would do just to go back to those days, where the worries of murder and despair weren’t constantly plaguing your mind. nights upon nights you sat in your room, staring up at the ceiling asking yourself why kirumi went to the extremes that she did. It was sickeningly twisted what the motive that was created for her was, the prime minister of japan… it sounded silly now you thought of it outloud, if you knew about the truth behind it all you would definitely have thought that it was some poorly written story by a teenage girl. However, you couldn’t even fathom that thought as you were screaming and crying at kirumi that she was a traitor and betrayed your trust. you regretted those words deeply… as those were the last words you ever said to her before she was executed. you barely watched it and the little moments you did watch were enough to make you heave up. the last memory you thought of kirumi was her lifeless body on the floor, splattered and unrecognisable.

…

you looked up. your eyes just met with pure sterile white walls. after the events of the killing game, the simulation… waking up with wires around your body, you never loved the colour white so much. you were currently sat in the recovery centre, where the various victims and… culprits were recovering from their in-game injuries. it made your skin crawl to think that the simulated deaths acted as if they existed in real life too; it broke your heart to think how everyone else was handling it. However, your mind was entirely focused on one person and one person alone.

how long have you been standing here? staring at the door that led to kirumi’s recovery room? an hour? more than that? it’s not the idea that you didn’t want to see her, you were jumping off the walls in happiness to find out that your partner was alive but not unscathed. you were afraid - afraid of what was on the other side of that door, what condition kirumi would be in. would she be happy to see you?

you swallowed a thick lump in your throat, a shaky hand grasping the doorknob and you already felt the bead of sweat going down your forehead. you knew that you couldn’t just back away from this. bad outcome or not, you were going to see her, you just wanted to see her again.

with a gentle click the door opened and you peered in. there she was, dressed in a patient gown and sat in a wheelchair by the window, her eyes vacant yet staring at the courtyard of the facility. your heart skipped a beat as you held your breath, seeing her alive like this… you had to hold yourself to make sure that you weren’t dreaming and the nightmare would come back all over again.

“kirumi…” you called for her and your voice reverberated off the walls despite the fact you spoke in a whisper. her eyes widened, turning herself as fast as her condition would allow her to. you just wanted to run over to her, hug her tight and swing her around in utter joy. however, stepping closer you really started to see how serious her condition may be. minus the fact she was in a wheelchair it looked like her entire body was wrapped in bandages, at least, based on what you could see outside of the gown. her warm green eyes stared at you like if you were a ghost, hell… to her, you probably were as much as a ghost she is to you she didn’t say anything which worried you, you slowly sat down on a chair that was near the window as well. you looked out the window awkwardly, trying to think on what to even say. you looked back at her to find she was still looking at you.

“uhm… how are you feeling?” that was the only words you could even think of to say, there were a thousand questions running through your mind but you wouldn’t want to overwhelm her. she took a deep breath, it sounded uneven like if she had trouble getting air. finally, she spoke. “I feel pain all over. my head… it hurts.” hearing her voice was a relief even though it had a shake to it. “yeah… I can imagine it does hurt…” your mind flashes to her execution; from the small parts you saw through the cracks in your fingers, she fell head first. the thought made you cringed. “you… understand what’s going on, right?” you asked her. you were told that the others had been given information when they woke up… which was two days ago if you weren’t mistaken.

she gently nods her head in a twitchy sort of motion. come to think of it, her head seemed to wobble slightly even when sitting still. jesus. “all of… that… was fake? a simulation..? our… memories were toyed with…” you saw her bandage-wrapped hands clench which caused you to grit your teeth. you hated this so much.

“y…yeah… we were… fictional characters created for some.. dumb show or… whatever…” you didn’t tell her that there was the possibility that you all signed up for it. you weren’t sure what was true or not. “we are real now, of course… I’m… here.” you reached a hand to gently place it over hers, she flinched and you looked at her with apologetic eyes. “my purpose… was… just an illusion then…” she muttered with her brows wrinkling. “I… I thought I did what was right… for… my people. those people didn’t even exist…”

you grimaced. she meant her ‘fake’ past, right? the people of Japan was what made her murder another, her selfless devotion. “am I a monster?” those very words made your eyes widened and you shook your head vigorously. “no… no, of course not...  if I was in your shoes I would’ve done the same thing.” you said rather seriously and she looked at you, searching for a lie of some kind. she sighed softly. “you do not seem the type to do such a thing at all… you don’t have to try and make me feel better about myself. I see the person I am now.” “but you’re not a monster, kirumi… and I’m not just saying it to make you feel better. you’re not the only one to have motives to kill… the ones after were… much worse than yours…”

you saw the way her eyes darted around in shock, realising that the killings had continued after her death. she looked away and covered her mouth with her hand. she looked like she was going to be sick. “however, I had… betrayed you..”

hearing your own words echo from her lips made a deep guilt sink into your stomach. to think that was the last thing you ever said to her before she met her demise… because you were so damn angry, angry at her and… angry at yourself, angry at the sick twisted minds that constructed  the killing game. 

“I’m sorry.” was all you could say. kirumi looked at you completely shocked. why were you apologising…? she was the one that had killed, betrayed you and threw away everything you created together. despite her feelings, she relaxed into her wheelchair and breathed out, like if she had been holding her breath for some time. “I… I am sorry too…” 

god you wanted to cry right then and there as she said that. she was not innocent at all but something within you just wanted to hold her in your arms and never let go, you never want to lose her ever again. “are you… considering to go through the treatment…?” you asked, hoping to change the topic a bit even if it was still morbid. she nods her head gently. “yes… they said I should partake in small exercises like catching a ball… and… relearning how to walk.” 

you bit your bottom lip at that news. it could be much worse… at least it sounded like she had a chance to get a normal life at some point. “but… until then I will need assistance in basic needs…” she said with disappointment in her voice. it made you ache… simulation or not you know she feels useless right now. “I’ll be there to help you.” you were quite blunt in your words - but you meant it. you would be there for kirumi every step of the way, everything she needed you will provide. she looked at you shocked as she thought you hated her for the acts she did… she nods her head, however. “...thank you, dear.”

…

it had been a full month ever since you reunited with kirumi again, you supported her and helped her through the process of readjusting to this life, like you were. you were there for her exercises and treatment, watching her try to walk again was a heartbreaking but determination increasing experience. she wouldn’t be able to take full steps without assistance for awhile, however for right now she could at least stand from her chair and move to another quickly. it was only just at the start of this month that kirumi was out of the recovery centre and now sharing a ground-floor apartment with you. it certainly made things feel more ‘normal’ and no doubt a lot more comfortable for kirumi as she didn’t need to stare at blinding white walls anymore. you admittedly did everything for your girlfriend as it just became second nature to you at this point; you could see how desperately she wanted to clean or even wipe down a surface to feel like she was doing something. she knows that she was never supposed to be the ‘Ultimate Maid’ yet the yearning to do something, anything was still there. 

as for right now, you were cleaning the bathroom and kirumi sat at the dining table with a book. reading was now one of her popular pastimes, she greatly appreciated that you bought her so many books to read… books that she enjoyed quite a lot. hearing you scrub the tiles in the bathroom made for some interesting background noise, although she found your presence anywhere in the apartment to be relaxing. she would’ve indulged it some more if she didn’t just gain the most head-splitting headache possible that nearly made her drop her book as she gripped her head. no matter what, it didn’t seem like these headaches were ever going to go away. she sighed softly, putting her book on the table as she wheels over to the kitchen counter and opens the medicine cabinet which she could reach for obvious reasons. she grabbed her painkillers and quickly downed them with a swig of water. she closed the cabinet and was about to go back to her book until her eyes spied the set of kitchen knives.

her jaw clenched, looking down at the floor. she just wanted to be like… like herself again, like in the killing game. she was useful in it. everyone needed her, wanted her. she could service everyone and be the perfect girl she wanted to be. she leaned up slightly and grabbed the biggest kitchen knife, wheeling to the fridge and grabbing out a tomato. she just wanted to prove herself… that she could do something. she went back to the dining table, swallowing a lump in her throat as she stared at the red fruit, knife in hand as she positioned it just like how she remembers.

slowly, she attempted to cut slices of tomato as if she was preparing a salad of some kind. the cuts were irregular in size and certainly not perfect at all. kirumi clenched her jaw, trying to focus harder, she had to.try harder. no matter how hard she gripped the knife her hand would shake, becoming increasingly the more frustrating that she couldn’t cut a fucking perfect slice-

she flinched as the knife’s blade grazed her finger, nicking it and making it bleed. she dropped the knife quickly, looking down at her finger as the blood oozed out. she sucked in a loud gasp which you heard clearly. “kirumi? you okay?-” you walked into the dining room and your jaw went slack. “kirumi!” you rushed to her side, looking down at the little injury on her hand then at face. she looked absolutely shellshocked. “what were you doing…?” you asked, eyes darting around at the scene. “I… I just wanted to… show I’m useful…” her voice was no more than a whisper as she brought her finger to her mouth to suck on the cut with her brows furrowed. you frowned, putting your hand on her back and rubbing it slowly. “you don’t have to prove anything, rumi… you’re still recovering and adjusting… please don’t force yourself to do things like this, it needs to be taken slowly…” you massaged the back of her neck with your thumb, feeling her relaxed in your touch she wobbled her head in a nod. It seems she understood you. you hated treating her like she was a vulnerable child… but at this stage that was what she was at the moment. 

“I’ve finished cleaning the bathroom… would you like a shower?” you gently asked her. she didn’t like taking showers or even baths, something about the water made her want to shake all over. she especially disliked getting water on her hands although she couldn’t really tell you why just yet.

she stiffens for a moment, thinking about it for far longer than she needed to. however, she nodded her head and moved herself into the bathroom as you watched with a worried face. you were seriously getting concerned for her… it was like every day was complete pain for her, although that wasn’t far from the truth at all… what you would do just to feel her pain instead.

following kirumi into the bathroom, you closed the door and flashed a friendly smile at your girlfriend. “arms up, please!” she lifted her arms at your request, they were twitching a little but it was fine. you carefully but briskly took off her top, following up with her skirt and then undergarments. “can you get into the seat yourself?” you asked her, gesturing to the little bench inside the shower. she pondered for a few moments but ultimately nodded her head and began to lift herself out of her chair. you looked at her in awe, seeing her gain her strength each day always warmed your heart. you clapped your hands and smiled. “amazing! you’re doing so well, dear... I think you’ll be able to take steps soon!” you giggled softly to keep the air light, rolling up your sleeves as you grab the showerhead and turning it on. “Hmm… you think so? thank you, dear…” kirumi smiled softly. even when she felt useless, or feeling low, you always knew how to make her feel supported. she promised to herself that she would be able to walk properly one day for you, so you could walk along the beach together or even be able to walk into your arms like you used to. you hummed gently as you brought the shower head directly over her, the warm water falling over her severely scarred body. her entire body flinched and she felt like she was getting attacked at the moment. when your fingers combed through her sandy-sage locks to run the water through properly she started to relax into your touch. she was so glad that you were here for her, that you were looking after her and giving everything she needed, even if it embarrassed her or made her feel… incomplete. despite everything she’s done, the pain and misery she felt in her heart knowing that what she worked for wasn’t real - she could forget all of that when you were here for her.

you put the shower to the side and squirted kirumi’s favourite shampoo onto your hands. it was lavender scented and it often helped her fall asleep with the smell of her own hair. you massaged it into her scalp and you could see the moment her entire body relaxed and that she was completely at your mercy. it made you smile so much to see her content and not worrying about everything… you pushed her bang out of the way of her eye and slicked her hair back. her eyes opened to look at yours and the slightest tint of red went over her face. you giggled softly at this, leaning down to press a soft kiss against her forehead. “beautiful…” you whispered to her which caused her to blush more. she? beautiful? how can you say that to her face, when you were right there being perfect? “I love you.” she said it so suddenly that it caught herself off guard however she didn’t back down and stared confidently at you. you smiled, heart melting at such a cute confession. tilting your head to the side, you uttered back. “I love you too…”

perhaps, things will be better.

⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡

-Mod Kirumi

[compacflt]

okay "normie median Biden voter ice" got me. That's funny. But also so true! It prob took him a bit to vote dem too (though I believe that Ice would have never voted for Trump). Would love to hear more thoughts on Ice and Mav's politics. Also the list of who they would have voted for if you're willing to share.

i do worry that posting my extremely in-depth headcanons about some of this stuff will have the JKR “wizard shit” effect on my writing and ruin it a little, but ask and ye shall receive

copy-pasted straight from my list of “unhinged compacflt!top gun headcanons” that ive been keeping since september: on ice & mav's politics

16. Since their friendship began, Ice has always told Maverick who to vote for, since Maverick doesn't care enough to pay attention to national politics. They are begrudging ConservaDems (conservative political views, would vote conservative every election if Republicans weren’t actively sending them to war/actively promoting fascism). Ice’s voting record (and after 1988, Mav’s too) 1980-2020—note that he has always considered himself an “educated moderate”: 1980: Reagan. 1984: Reagan. 1988: Bush. 1992: Bush. 1996: Clinton (reaction to aftermath of PGW. Doesn’t care that Clinton enacted DADT because “I’m not [redacted], so it doesn’t apply to me”). 2000: Gore (refusal to vote for another Bush). 2004: Kerry (Mav votes Bush this year out of spite as he and Ice are going through their break-up). 2008: McCain (Navy loyalty). 2012: Obama (liked him as a person/worked closely with him, didn’t like his policies so much). 2016: Clinton (no other alternative). 2020: Biden (actually liked/previously worked with Biden, and now actively married to another man and therefore had to make some liberal concessions). 2024-onwards they will vote for any Democrat as long as they aren’t a “socialist.”

17. Also, Maverick didn’t vote in 2016. Partially because in my universe the TGM mission takes place that November, very near the election, and he has bigger fish to fry (something Ice will later take him to task for), and partially because I genuinely think he wouldn’t be able to stomach either mainstream candidate and probably would’ve voted for Libertarian Gary Johnson, which might have torn his relationship with Ice to shreds a few days before schedule. “Are you fucking kidding me? Johnson? Pete, this moron’s moronic party wants to abolish the driver’s license—” / “—Yeah, and then I could ride your sweet wheels with no problem whatsoever—maybe he’ll abolish pilots’ licenses, too, I’d like to see that—” / “If you vote for Gary fucking Johnson, I will very happily stop footing the bill for your piece-of-shit airplane, and you can see how useful your pilot’s license is then—” / So Mav didn’t vote in 2016. 

35. In terms of what he Tweets: I do foresee, post-retirement, Ice basically becoming a neoliberal military intellectual type on Twitter a la Mark Hertling (look him up on Twitter). Bio: “Retired @SECNAV. Advisor @WhiteHouse and @VoteVets. Contributing writer @TheAtlantic. Interested in geopolitics & modern warfare. Aviator, husband, Padres fan. [American flag emoji]” Only posts pictures of himself and Maverick at three specific annual events: 1. their wedding anniversary (“36 years with this fool and he’s still surprised to find out that I like the F-5 better than the A-4 #happyanniversary”), 2. every EAA Airventure (huge airplane convention), 3. San Francisco’s Fleet Week (which of course they MUST attend, they even headline it in 2018). Informative, analytical, highly-respected. Maybe goes on CNN or NBC all the time to talk about civil-military relations shit (aversion to FOX since the start of the Iraq War). Gonna say he had like four really viral threads about Russia and Ukraine in April or May and so has 300k followers or something like that. He has a personal website that links back to his Twitter and every essay he writes for international publications, with a pretty braggadocious bio (something along the lines of “Tom Kazansky has directly almost started global nuclear war twice in his life, and in the thirty-year gap in between, sold the Swiss half their entire goddamn Air Force and directed an entire Fleet during the Iraq War”). Lots of tweets like “Military aviation hot take: Compared to the F-22, the F-35 is a waste of money. Source: husband with 400+ hours of F-35 experience.” / “[Quote tweet of Russian Foreign Minister boasting about Su-57 production lines] Oh, so you guys finally figured out how to make more than one every other year?” / “Analysis of the failure of Russia’s Black Sea Fleet in Ukraine, from an ex-US Pacific Fleet Commander’s perspective: a short [thread emoji] [This thread gets 26k likes and 4k retweets]” / “This weekend my husband & I flew in to @EAA Oshkosh #OSH19 & took home first place for best P-51. Not to brag, but.” (A reply to this tweet: “Sir, you really know how to bury the lede that your husband is Adm. Pete ‘Maverick’ Mitchell. I had to look it up on Wikipedia.” / @TKazansky: “What, was it not obvious? Who else could it have been?”) Also, I see him writing a whole bunch of op-eds for international political magazines a la Tom Nichols (look him up on Twitter too). Writing analyses of recent geopolitical/military events for the New York Times, the New Yorker, the Bulwark, the Navy Times, the Atlantic, Bellingcat, etc. Not so much focused on domestic issues (but VoteVets [socially progressive vets’ group] board member, and ardently pro-democracy, yay!). He’s a smart guy.

37. This is not a headcanon, just kind of a… a real-life implication. My Ice was Deputy Commander of Third Fleet in 2003, meaning he’d have been there in command of the USS Abraham Lincoln when President Bush gave his “Mission Accomplished” speech aboard that ship in May less than 2 months after the initial American invasion of Iraq. Very premature & embarrassing. Ice would’ve been in direct contact with Bush/Cheney/NSC bureaucrats many, many times during the war. I genuinely believe this is what pushed him over the edge into firm liberal territory.

[writer-and-thrasher]

🧃, 🦷, ❄️ <3

Thank you! For this ask game:

🧃 ⇢ share some personal lore you never posted about before

Ooh, I've got lore for days lmao. My favorite to tell people is that I had a six-year relationship with someone I spoke to ~3 times. He asked me out at Vacation Bible School (VBS) in 4th grade, he moved to my hometown in 7th and we still didn't talk, and then he took a friend of mine to prom in 10th grade, so she (playfully, but still very embarrassingly) forced me to break up with him at lunch to clear her conscience. If you want the full story, lmk, but I do love that lore. Especially now that I'm fully a lesbian.

🦷 ⇢ share some personal wisdom or a life hack you swear on

I doubt this counts as a life hack, but I'm gonna share it anyway. I recently got a weighted stuffed animal and it has revolutionized my life. Sometimes, I'll just lay that sucker on my chest and take some deep breaths, and I feel so much better. So maybe the wisdom/hack is "take advantage of the things that'll make you feel good, fuck what anyone else thinks about it" since I was a little nervous about buying it for myself.

❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

Ooh, theres so many! To pick one, I don't know about "best" since I think everyone I regularly read would probably have a really good take on this, but considering that this idea is based on Chapter 1 of @orbitalpirate's incredible Honey & Bee: Saccharine Shorts (that references Moe taking a night class), I'd have to say them. It's basically a 5+1 type fic that's basically "Five Times Moe Hides his Academic Pursuits from the Team and the One Time They Find Out (and show up for him)" with it culminating at them all surprising him by showing up to his university graduation