#4000$ to voice an entire game is like

[cruelsister-moved2]

i hate the SHORT SIGHTEDNESS of capitalism.....like they are going to long term desecrate the voice acting industry & make sure that all the good talent leaves for other work they’ll be better valued in and no one will bother training or honing their craft because it’s just not worth it like they’ll turn it back into an amateur industry that’s what happens if you don’t reward professional work with professional pay

[dufferpuffer]

~~ Looking at Lycanthropy ~~

Part 5: Wolfsbane vs Wolf - Theories of Treatments

Words: Approx. 4000

Potion Information Other Treatments

PRISONER OF AZKABAN

Chapter 8

pg 117 The door opened, and in came Snape. He was carrying a goblet, which was smoking faintly, and stopped at the sight of Harry, his black eyes narrowing. … … 'Fascinating,' said Snape, without looking at it. 'You should drink that directly, Lupin.'

- Wolfsbane is taken a goblet-full a day. - It should be taken directly, in one sitting. - It smokes faintly.

pg 118 'I made an entire cauldronful,' Snape continued. 'If you need more.' 'I should probably take some again tomorrow. Thanks very much, Severus.'

- Wolfsbane is made by the cauldronful. Since he is letting him know there is more – is this the first potion of the week...? - The same cauldronful can be kept for more than one days use.

'I have never been much of a potion-brewer and this one is particularly complex.' He picked up the goblet and sniffed it. 'Pity sugar makes it useless,' he added, taking a sip and shuddering. … … 'I've been feeling a bit off-colour,' he said. 'This potion is the only thing that helps. I am very lucky to be working alongside Professor Snape; there aren't many wizards who are up to making it.'- Wolfsbane is a complex potion. Not many wizards are up to making it.

- Sugar makes it useless. - It tastes awful. Love that either it has a flavor that might be palatable with some sugar – or Remus just wants to drown it in sweetness because he's that sort of guy.

Lupin drained the goblet and pulled a face.'Disgusting,' he said. 'Well, Harry, I'd better get back to work. I'll see you at the feast later.' … … The empty goblet was still smoking.

- Even empty – or with just drops left – it still smokes. Very smokey brew. Big vapours from this icky boy. Is it 'smoke', actually? Could very well just be a word to describe how it looks, when it is something entirely different. Harry should know the difference being a third year Potions student, but it could just be slang. - Gross enough to pull faces, even after taking it repeatedly. - Remus and Harry were having a chat – and as soon as the potion is done, he sends him away for the rest of the day... is it possible that it'll have side effects? Make him feel ill? Or does he want to catch up on all the 'disorganised', 'late' work Snape says exists? Chapter 11

pg 170 'I doubt,' said Dumbledore, in a cheerful but slightly raised voice, which put an end to Professor McGonagall and Professor Trelawney's conversation, 'that Professor Lupin is in any immediate danger. Severus, you've made the potion for him again?' 'Yes, Headmaster,' said Snape. 'Good,' said Dumbledore. 'Then he should be up and about in no time ... Derek, have you had any of these chipolatas? They're excellent.' The first year boy went furiously red on being addressed directly by Dumbledore, and took the platter of sausages with trembling hands.

- Wolfsbane improves recovery time post-Full Moon. (Love that's the reaction regular students have to being spoken to by Albus. They never see him outside of feasts, he doesn't go to Quidditch games, just paces his office. Same, dude – nice to the kids but avoid them 99% of the time lol)

Chapter 18

pg 258 'I was a very small boy when I received the bite. My parents tried everything, but in those days there was no cure. The Potion that Professor Snape has been making for me is a very recent discovery. It makes me safe, you see. As long as I take it in the week preceding the full moon, I keep my mind when I transform... I am able to curl up in my office, a harmless wolf, and wait for the moon to wane again.''Before the Wolfsbane Potion was discovered, however, I became a fully fledged monster once a month.It seemed impossible that I would be able to come to Hogwarts. Other parents weren't likely to want their children exposed to me.'

- Wolfsbane was invented in the last 15 years – or even more recent. - It 'makes him safe': 'keeps his mind' when he transforms, 'harmless', curls up in his office... but still transforms, still waits for the moon to wane. Without he is a 'fully fledged monster'. - Needs to take the potion 'the week' preceding the Full Moon. As in every day for a week. - There were 'other things' his parents tried – none successful.

pg 259 'My transformations in those days were - were terrible. It is very painful to turn into a werewolf. I was separated from humans to bite, so I bit and scratched myself instead. The villagers heard the noise and the screaming and thought they were hearing particularly violent spirits.'

Just reminding that this is the experience of untreated Lycanthropy.

'And they didn't desert me at all. Instead they did something for me that would make my transformations not only bearable, but the best times of my life. They became Animagi.'

I mentioned this before, but 'best times of his life'. He went from screaming so loud the village thought he was a pack of ghosts, biting and scratching himself, feeling 'terrible'... to them being his happiest memories.

pg 260 'They couldn't keep me company as humans, so they kept me company as animals,' said Lupin. 'A werewolf is only a danger to people. They sneaked out of the castle every month under James's Invisibility Cloak. ... Under their influence, I became less dangerous. My body was still wolfish, but my mind seemed to become less so while I was with them.'

We know some of that is bullshit. He is a danger to animals as well. But James, Sirius and Peter weren't animals, really: They were people. Just like Remus is a person. They could look and smell like Beasts, but act and think like Beings. Inbetween. Just like him. His mind was less wolfish – 'he keeps his mind under their influence', just like he describes the effects of Wolfsbane. Chapter 19

pg 263 'I've just been to your office, Lupin. You forgot to take your Potion tonight, so I took a gobletful along.'

I went through this more in Part 3, what I think was happening to make Snape comfortable enough visit Lupins office after dark to serve him his potion but not bring it into the Shack. But for now I just wanna note that it wasn't too late to drink his potion as the sun set.

~~~ HALF BLOOD PRINCE

Chapter 29

pg 517 Harry looked over Hermione’s shoulder and saw an unrecognizable face lying on Bill’s pillow, so badly slashed and ripped that he looked grotesque. Madam Pomfrey was dabbing at his wounds with some harsh-smelling green ointment. Harry remembered how Snape had mended Malfoy’s Sectumsempra wounds so easily with his wand. “Can’t you fix them with a charm or something?” he asked the matron. “No charm will work on these,” said Madam Pomfrey. “I’ve tried everything I know, but there is no cure for werewolf bites.”… … “No, I don’t think that Bill will be a true werewolf,” said Lupin, “but that does not mean that there won’t be some contamination. Those are cursed wounds. They are unlikely ever to heal fully, and — and Bill might have some wolfish characteristics from now on.”

- Fresh bites are treated – dabbed at – with some sort of 'harsh-smelling green ointment'. - No charms work on werewolf bites. - Werewolf bites are 'cursed wounds'. - Werewolf bites are unlikely to ever heal fully.

pg 524 Mrs. Weasley took the nasty-smelling ointment from Madam Pomfrey and began dabbing at Bill’s wounds.

- Ointment is nasty-smelling as well as harsh.

~~~ DEATHLY HALLOWS

Chapter 4

pg 66 “Will George be okay?” All Lupin’s frustration with Harry seemed to drain away at the question. “I think so, although there’s no chance of replacing his ear, not when it’s been cursed off –”

A different curse, yes – but another example of a cursed wound being difficult to heal.

pg 68 Mrs. Weasley looked around and said, “I can’t make it grow back, not when it’s been removed by Dark Magic. But it could have been so much worse He’s alive.”

Dark Magic seems to have the effect of making things difficult to heal.

~~~ Wolfsbane

Wolfsbane is a complex potion to brew. Not many are up to the task. It is disgusting, drinkable but difficult to get used to. It might make one feel unwell after consumption. It is a modern potion – invented in the last 15 years or so. Brewed by the cauldronful for more than one day's use. It is taken, one gobletful a day, for the whole week preceding the Full Moon. It is to be had directly, in one sitting. It 'smokes' faintly – persisting even in tiny amounts. Sugar negates the effects.

When taken for the entire week before the Full Moon, it will help the Werewolf 'keep their mind' when he transforms: Not a 'fully fledged monster' but a 'harmless wolf' that can stay calm and wait for the moon to wane. Some of that may be a little hyperbolic. It also helps speed up recovery time after the transformation. (Perhaps because the werewolf is resting, rather than running around or lashing out.) … As it is: Wolfsbane is a barely functioning 'treatment'. I'd say it's almost not worth the effort. Remus goes through every painful, debilitating and humiliating symptom he normally does, takes days to recover – and it has its own down-sides to boot. He probably isn't even fully safe. It just makes him less of a danger to others, shortens recovery time to two days... and probably stops his self harming. But he is still locked away, shunned, hated, feared, humiliated... still in pain. After every Full Moon Remus still looks thinner and worse. The potion barely helps him physically. It's 'best effects' are making him calm enough to stay inside – and faster-recovering to work a job.

But it is a recent potion. Perhaps it can be improved...? + Just being easier to brew would be enough to greatly increase its usefulness: it might not be perfect, but being easy would give werewolves more agency in caring for their own condition. It'd also help if they got to go to school and study Potions – maybe a treatment or cure would have been found by now if Werewolves could learn to study themselves. + Having the dose be smaller than a gobletful for a whole week. Going through such discomfort for a treatment is crushing in its own way and makes it less likely to be taken correctly. + Ideally, being able to prevent the transformation altogether would be amazing, even if they still felt like shit. The transformation is painful and literally dehumanizing. + If it's impossible to prevent, than keeping total sobriety is good, too. A lack of bloodlust even amongst humans. Remus could catch up on reading essays and be safe – like an Animagus. Edit: This might be what Wolfsbane actually does. I don't read it like that - but that could be my bias. From what I think: I'd like it to do it better. Not feeling like he has to curl up and wait 'as a 'harmless' wolf', but be a full human mind in his wolf body - no wolfish instinct and no sedation. Regular Remus sipping tea.

'Other Things'

We are given no information on the things Remus' parents tried... but the fact 'none of them worked' is pretty harrowing. It suggests a wide array of rumours and snake-oil treatments, meaning its a condition people are especially desperate for help with – and that desperation is abused. There's the funny or scary way of imagining this, where his parents are getting him to do weird things in the vague hope of a cure – but... all in all, it's very sad. Damaging.

The constant false hope that 'maybe this one will work'. Putting money into something for it to be a dud, meticulously following a formula and yet he still transforms just as painfully.

That sort of thing hits parents hard. They're desperately trying to at least ease the suffering of their sick child and are powerless. But it hits the child harder. Because they suffer... and are watching their parents struggle to stay positive. They feel like THEY are failing them by being sick. Ask me how I know. This one little line from Remus... says a lot.

'Harsh-smelling Ointment'

Werewolf bites are 'cursed wounds' – Lycanthropy is, at least partially, a type of curse. It prevents the wound from healing fully. No charms are known to work on werewolf bites, or perhaps on any cursed wounds. Dark Magic seems to have the effect of making wounds difficult to heal. (a cursed-off ear can't be reattached or regrown.) There is a treatment for fresh werewolf bites at least: 'A harsh, nasty smelling green ointment dabbed frequently and directly on the wound.' The only effect we see it have is its non-effect: as in its hardly closing up the wound with magic. It's not described as doing anything. It works slowly, which is rare for magical remedies. Perhaps it stops bleeding? Encourages healing? Removes cursed interference of natural processes?

We are told there's no charm known to work – but we do see Severus using a charm to heal Draco after Harry's Sectumsempra. Is that a different case? Is his spell a different type of curse? Has Severus invented a healing charm that will work on Dark Magic? I wouldn't put it past him – the fucker can fly. It's unknown. I will say that, knowing Severus, if he had invented a healing charm that could work on all Dark Magic wounds, he would probably have shared it. He enjoys when people don't die – and the Dark Lord and his followers use Dark Magic. But I still wonder, if he were there, if there was anything he could do for Bill. Albus, too. Tragic.

~~~ GREYBACK VS. LUPIN

(Not to the death. But Greyback would absolutely win btw. Lupin would get caught up in his feelings, flub a spell and rattle about like the bag of bones he is while Greyback gnaws on him.)

So its pretty clear that there's some massive differences between werewolves – not just between genetics, but the way their Lycanthropy affects them... and nobody bats an eye. It's normal. Fenrir Greyback has whiskers. Sharp teeth. Hair on his face. Strong, hardy, fast, heavy – comfortable and powerful on all fours. He wasn't always this way: about 30 years ago his Lycanthropy was unknown. Most werewolves seem to be unknown-looking – they hide amongst society, if they don't leave it entirely. Remus Lupin is unknown-looking, too. He looks like a regular Wizard... a sick one. Thin – and thinner after every Full Moon. Pallid. Shadowed eyes. Ill. He can barely fight a dog, even transformed – and looks like 'one good hex could finish him off'. What is with this difference...? Remus has been a werewolf for about 30 years... that's 360+ Full Moons. Fenrir has been a werewolf at LEAST that long, but probably longer. Potentially decades longer.

Would Remus, at 360 Full Moons, be facing an inevitable future of 'becoming obvious'? He desperately wants to hide his 'shame' – but will he get hair and whiskers on his face, too? It feels a bit arbitrary: How many Full Moons do you have to be a werewolf to simply have whiskers? Somewhere over 360...?

I suppose it could be an age thing: when you become an older person your body stops being able to fully shift between two forms. An ageing werewolf doesn't just get wrinkles - they get fur and fangs. I think the more likely answer, even if age still plays a part (I am rather attached to Remus' grey hair being a sign worsened by stress) is 'engagement'.

Remus is thin, sickly, suffering... desperate to restrain that whole part of himself – his illness – and pretend it doesn't exist. Every Full Moon he gets thinner. Fenrir is strong, heavy, thriving in his older age – so accepting of his illness he indulges in the pleasures of it even outside of the Full Moon. He stays strong, perhaps gets stronger.

If Remus were to be more accepting of his illness, if he were to let himself feed on Full Moons and indulge in blood etc. even as a human... if he kept his 'wolf' fed: He would be stronger. Healthier. But he is too self-loathing for that. He can't even handle his patronus being a wolf, let alone not hating his wolfish tendencies.

If Fenrir were forced on Wolfsbane potion, unable to hunt as a wolf or as a man – he would be hit by the Full Moon's harder. He'd be more ill, like Remus is. His 'wolf' is used to being 'overfed'.

Bill, though not a werewolf, indulges in his new taste for blood and accepts his new contamination, his new wounds, without self loathing. I'd say that's probably good for him. Like Fenrir.

~~~ MY THEORY ON: HOW BEST TO TREAT LYCANTHROPY B^)

Remus says some of his happiest memories are when he could run free on Full Moons with his friends. When he was accepted as what he was, protected, cared for. He stopped hurting himself. That is exactly the life Fenrir lives every day – and tries to make for other werewolves. He leads and cares for his fellows, he encourages Werewolves not to interact with people who would think ill of them and prioritise their own needs first. To relish in the blood they deserve.

Remus is sickly, weak and suffers because he starves his wolf. Fenrir is strong because he feeds it. I bet Remus being the only one not feeding his wolfish instincts in a werewolf commune would make him harder to trust. The only one without any fur on his face, who doesn't grow his nails out, who needs to force himself to partake in fresh hunts – and avoids violence. Hating himself is the biggest mark of 'having lived among Wizarding society'. We see a reflection of this in the Wolfsbane potion: It's difficult to make. It's arduous to stomach. It might even make you feel sick, in the short term... and for what? So you still go through a painful transformation – but are at least sober enough to miserably curl up, alone, sedated? A 'cure' my ass. It's a horrible treatment. Sedating ones wolf is painful, arduous and unhealthy. The Wolfsbane potion isn't made for Werewolves – it's made for healthy Wizards to control Werewolves with.

He would hate and be bitter, about having to spy on 'his equals' like Dumbledore wants – because it means engaging with 'his wolf' to fit in... which he finds conflicting and unsettling. Because he has had a taste of that better treatment.

“I’ve been living among my fellows, my equals,” said Lupin. “Werewolves,” he added, at Harry’s look of incomprehension. “Nearly all of them are on Voldemort’s side. Dumbledore wanted a spy and here I was... ready-made.” He sounded a little bitter, and perhaps realized it, for he smiled more warmly as he went on, “I am not complaining; it is necessary work and who can do it better than I? However, it has been difficult gaining their trust. I bear the unmistakable signs of having tried to live among wizards, you see, whereas they have shunned normal society and live on the margins, stealing — and sometimes killing — to eat.”

HBP, ch16

I believe living – and god forbid, spending Full Moons – with these Werewolves, who shun society in order to love their wolfish selves, would cause physical changes in Remus. Eventually. Starting off with growing out his nails and learning the mannerisms to fit in... but the more Full Moons spent running with a pack of human-minded animals, free and wild and indulging in joy rather than screaming in lonely pain... I think it would change him: Into a healthier man.

That's what being with Animagi mimicked. Humans are too much for his instincts to resist, and animals probably act and run in ways that are fun to chase or whatever – but a Stag with the mind of a Man does neither.

'And they didn't desert me at all. Instead they did something for me that would make my transformations not only bearable, but the best times of my life. They became Animagi.' … … 'Under their influence, I became less dangerous. My body was still wolfish, but my mind seemed to become less so while I was with them.'

POA, ch 18

The marauders plan wasn't a perfect solution. They were sneaking around, having close-calls – Remus might have more of his mind with his 'pack' but he is still a danger out in the open. What Greyback does isn't perfect, either. They starve, they struggle, they get filthy and stink and rot within dreams of changing the world through violence. Remus' 'solution' sucks. Hate himself, slash himself open all alone and try to grow accustomed to the emotional hell that is society...

...Because society thinks them dangerous. They sneak around to avoid being spotted, they make communes because they aren't welcome, Remus needs to hate himself to fit in... But accepting the Wolf actively makes it safer for everyone.

That is the BEST treatment. Not just in a 'everyone can hold hands and be happy friends' way – but in a physical safety-oriented way: The issue is inevitable – so make room for it rather than push it out.

- Supported werewolves keep sobriety. - Supported werewolves are healthier, stronger people who aren't - chronically fatigued, who can work hard enough to even please Voldemort's standards. - Werewolves are easy enough to keep 'on a leash' – with simple enclosures and the help of Animagi.

There will always be werewolves. Perhaps a total cure could be found one day, or a better Wolfsbane constructed – but in the mean time there is a better way to keep the population safe... and its infrastructure and support.

Dumbledore was on the right track with treating Remus like a person. Sticking his own neck out to create things to support him – things that meant the world to him, that made him feel loved and accepted as a worthwhile person in Albus' life. Finding the balance of keeping others safe but not shunning Remus for being sick. I'm sure he would have loved the information that Remus felt so good amongst Animagi. Instantly gotten Minerva to help ease his Full Moons.

Am I saying every werewolf needs support Animagi? Yes, basically.

Facilities to keep others safe on the Full Moon – but the ability to have packs and socialisation that isn't shameful. A monthly animal bookclub with unique employment opportunities for Animagi. An occasional night-shift for healers or aurors, maybe part of their training. “We need more people to supervise and feed the London Werewolf Facility this Full Moon. You'll be paid overtime.”

- Werewolves are better registered – being taken care of is better than trying to hide. - Their whereabouts every Full Moon are known and accounted for. Safer for everyone. - They suffer less during their transformation, have a clearer mind, easier to control. - Less sickly werewolves like Remus – strong, healthy, can work and enjoy life better. - Less anti-Wizard werewolves planning to overthrow society via a bloodbath. - More job opportunities, for all you capitalist economists out there B^) - More research opportunities for the development of treatments and/or cures.

It is a win for quite literally everyone – for a small upfront cost of Ministry spending. But I am sure having more healthy Witches and Wizards in their small, secretive community would make up for it... rather than throwing people in the bin if they get sick.

Albus would have wanted to get involved, as he has an example of this very thing working: A small cost of providing a safe place to transform, some potion and a couple of days off a month... and Hogwarts had not only a dedicated student and Prefect – but a productive teacher that left such a mark on his students hearts that they still think of him as the best teacher they have ever had.

[ikeromantic]

Seduction Starts with C

A Cyran and Clavis story because I am still not over this. It's a continuation(ish) of Trouble Starts with C . Approx. 4000 words.

Cyran kept a close eye on the tavern patrons. It was a standard mix for one of Lelouch’s favorite hangouts. A smattering of dissatisfied nobility, a handful of angry merchants, a few well-off farmers with a bone to pick, a couple of spies and foreign provocateurs pretending to be anything else, surrounded by a remainder of less savory types. Thieves, bankers, and landlords. Cyran supposed, he could have just named them all thieves and been done. 

He wasn’t too worried about real trouble, but every so often someone would pickpocket someone else. Or a few drinks in, a gentleman might realize the only thing he has in common with his compatriots is a hatred of the crown and pick a fight about one of the many other topics on which they disagreed. Clavis never did anything to calm the tensions. He enjoyed the undercurrent of potential violence. The unspoken threat of this place and these people. 

And into it, the prince had tossed his little rabbit. The unyielding Emma. Emma the Persistent. Emma the . . . beautiful, sweet, kind, funny, intelligent . . . Cyran cleared his throat as if that might halt the flood of words in his mind. His gaze landed on her, standing at Clavis’ elbow next to a group of aggrieved merchants. Their red faced exclamations clearly left her uncomfortable, but she gamely held to her smile. 

Clavis was watching her too, reveling in the subtle signs of her distress. His intent was to push her until she broke. To see how far he could keep this toy, how long she would tag after him before she gave up entirely. He would break her to see what made her tick.

Cyran had never minded these games, never voiced more than a token complaint before now. But there’d never been a girl like Emma before. She wasn’t some grasping noblewoman, hoping to snare a prince. Nor a common girl hoping to become a kept mistress. She had no designs on Clavis, beyond her clear affection and her intent to serve as the best Belle she could be. 

The soldier told himself this was why the game bothered him this time. Because Emma was genuine and her goals were noble. But he knew there was more to it, hiding as it did in the silence between his heartbeats. A feeling he would not name or express because the prince already laid his claim. He watched Clavis pull Emma closer to his side, his fingertips caressing her bare arm. Leaning toward her to whisper something naughty in her ear.

Cyran grabbed a drink from one of the serving trays and downed it without looking to see what it was. That was a mistake. Clavis liked to pepper the usual beverages with wilder things, and Cyran had pulled the lucky glass. The drink felt like he’d swallowed pure fire. It burned his lips and tongue, and the scent of it crept up the back of his nostrils to make his eyes water.

Emma happened to glance back as he wiped at his face. She said something to Clavis, who only half-turned his head to glance at his soldier. He grinned, well aware of what befell Cyran. The Belle hurried over, a worried twist to her delicate lips.

“Cyran. Are you alright? Did something happen?” 

He coughed, trying to get his throat to work. 

“Here,” Emma handed him a cup of water. “Drink slowly.”

The soldier took the glass and sipped it, silent until his throat stopped feeling like a bonfire. “Thanks.” His voice was still raspy and a little breathless. He coughed and tried again. 

“Did your drink go down wrong? It looked like you were choking, but Clavis said not to worry.”

Cyran grinned. “Nothing to worry about, my lady. Just grabbed the wrong cup and got a taste of something I didn’t like.” 

Emma wrinkled her nose. “It must have been pretty bad. Which drink was it? So I can avoid it.”

“Best to avoid anything you didn’t see poured and handed straight to you.” He gestured toward the tavern servers, with their trays. “Anyone could drop anything into one of those cups. And since you’re here with Clavis, you’re a target.”

She looked surprised, but she nodded. “I didn’t think about that. Is . . . is that what happened to you? Did someone try to poison you?” Her voice dropped low and she leaned in to say the last bit.

Cyran tried not to think about how close she was, how he could feel the warm tickle of her breath across his neck, nor how much he liked the way she tilted her chin to look up at him so sweetly. He cleared his throat again. “Something like that, yeah.” 

“Maybe we should go sit down or something? To make sure you’re alright?” She looked more worried now than she had hurrying over.

“Oh, no, it’s nothing so serious.” He laughed and tapped her on the nose. “Besides, I think the Prince is getting antsy for your return.”

Emma glanced back to see Clavis stick his tongue out at her. She huffed. “Well, he can just wait. Making sure you’re ok is more important.” She took Cyran’s arm and half-dragged him out onto the porch. There were several tables set out here for overflow from the common room, but it was cold so they were all empty.

He let her sit him down on one of the benches. Her determined little frown was adorable. “So, what now? How do we know I’m ok?” 

“I . . . I’m not sure? What do you normally do for a poison?” She tapped her lips and then nodded. “We need to know what you drank!”

“Well . . . it made my throat burn.” Cyran watched her think about this, her brow furrowed, eyes downcast. He felt like he ought to tell her it was just some pepper extract but she was adorable in her intensity. 

Emma nodded. “Alright. Anything else? Do you feel short of breath? Does your stomach hurt? Any numbness?”

“Hmm, no, no, and no.” Cyran nearly startled off the bench when she pressed her fingers to his throat. Her hands were cool and soft as silk, though he could feel the slight tips of her nails where she sought his pulse. 

“Your heart’s racing,” she said softly, leaning close. “And your skin feels a little hot.”

“I feel fine.” He stood abruptly, pulling away from her. “We should get back to the prince. Otherwise he’ll pout and we really don’t want that.”

Emma looked up at him for a long moment and then nodded. “Alright. But if you start to feel worse, let me know.”

“I will.”

“Promise? I won’t believe you unless you promise.”

Cyran sighed. “I promise.” His fingers were crossed, but she didn’t know that. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be honest, but working for Clavis put certain restrictions on the truth. He might need to keep himself to himself even if he really did get poisoned or sick or stabbed. And it was for the best. 

Clavis was waiting for them inside, wearing a big smile that seemed wider than usual. “There you are, my love. I can see you missed me!” 

“I really didn’t,” she replied drily. 

He ignored the comment completely, and took her arm. “There are some people I want to introduce you to.” 

Emma sighed. “Alright. Let’s go. I know you’ll drag me over anywa-hey!”

The soldier watched them drift into the milieu. It was going to be a long night. He sighed and stuck his hands in his pockets. That was when he found the note Clavis had slipped there when they came back inside. It took Cyran a moment to decode, not because of any clever cipher. Just Clavis’ usual terrible handwriting. 

Upstairs. Door 3. Package delivery.

Cyran read it over twice. Some days, it was not great to work for a cryptic boss. He supposed it would make sense when he got there. The soldier slipped upstairs, making sure his absence was not noted. The instructions did not mention whether or not he could be seen, but with Clavis it was always better to be cautious. 

Door 3 was closed tight and locked, but that was barely worth a pause. Cyran could pick a lock almost as well as the prince, and this tavern wasn’t exactly known for security. The room beyond was lit by a low-burning lamp. There wasn’t much to see. 

The bed was bare, no sheets or blankets, a worn trunk, and a small, rickety table with a nicked bowl and pitcher atop it. And there were exactly zero packages. Cyran shrugged and began to look around. Nothing in the bowl, nothing in the pitcher. The trunk was empty. Nothing under the bed. Then he spotted it. A lump in the mattress. 

Cyran flipped it over and found a cut on the bottom side. He reached his hand in, hoping to any god that the thing was free of lice and bed bugs. His reaching fingers brushed the bottom of something small, wrapped tightly in waxed paper. The soldier pulled it out and shook the clinging bits of hay from his hand. 

The package was about as big as his palm, a little wider than a box of cards, and had no markings. Cyran shook it but nothing inside shifted. He sniffed it too, but there was only the smell of moldy hay and wax. He grinned. It was just like the prince to send him for something like this. The contents could be poison, an explosive, smuggled jewels, or a handful of naughty sketches. There was no way to know. 

The soldier tucked the package into his coat, making sure the wax paper was well sealed before he did so. Then he put the mattress back into place and kicked the hay under the bed. With everything put to right, he went back downstairs. 

Music was playing loudly and several people were dancing in a cleared-out space between the tavern tables. Cyran spotted the Belle being swung about by one of the bankers that frequented this place. A decent guy. For a banker. But there was no sign of Clavis. 

He hated it when the prince disappeared like this, without telling him the plan ahead of time. But that was also pretty much just working for Clavis. He had his own complicated machinations and more often than not, Cyran just had to trust the outcome was worth the effort. It usually was, if not in the way he expected. 

The problem now was, did he go looking for his boss or stay here to keep an eye on Emma? Clavis could get himself into all kinds of trouble on his own, and the prince was the guy he’d sworn to protect. But Emma was all alone in a room full of dangerous men. 

Cyran spent at least an entire minute vacillating before he walked across the tavern and tapped the banker on the shoulder. “You mind if I cut in?”

The banker scowled. “You can wait for the next song.”

Emma giggled. “C-cyyyyyy . . . you want to dance with me?” Her grin was wide and her eyes looked slightly glazed. 

“Miss, I think you might have had too much to drink,” the banker said, his voice solicitous, “let me take you out for some air. We can go for a walk until your head clears.”

“I’m afraid that’s not possible,” Cyran told him, smiling his very polite and not at all intimidating smile. He reached for Emma’s arm, but the banker pushed her behind him. 

Emma swayed and put a hand on the man’s shoulder. “I do feel a li- a li - dizzy.”

The banker patted her hand but his eyes remained on Cyran. “If you’ll step aside?”

“Like I said. Not possible. The lady is a dear friend of mine and -”

“Dear! Oh Cyyyyy . . .” The Belle giggled. “I like th-that! Dear. Deeeeearrrrrr,” she sang the word, drawing out the vowels.

Cyran didn’t think he’d been gone long enough for her to get drunk, but he wasn’t sure how long he’d been upstairs. She was adorable like this, being silly and laughing. It was a side of her he’d never seen before. But the tavern was a bad spot for it. Especially as it seemed the banker had an eye for her. “As I said, very dear. So I can’t allow her to go off with you.”

The banker looked as if he wanted to argue. Then he shrugged and grinned. “Sure, sure. You two have a good time. In fact, to show no hard feelings, have one of my rare candies. These are made from a fruit that only grows near the sea.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small tin and held it open. 

Cyran took one for himself and one for the Belle.

“They’re re-re-ah, good,” Emma stumbled through her words as if she’d forgotten how to speak. “I had twooooooooooo!”

“Yes, I hope you do enjoy them.” The banker gave a nod and then stepped away, seeming to lose interest. 

Seeming was the word for it, Cyran thought. He could tell the banker and two other men were keeping an eye on them. Interesting. He pocketed the candies and took Emma’s arm. “Come on. Let’s go for a walk. We need to get you sobered up before Clavis comes back.”

“Sober? I’m . . . not drunk! I di-didn’t have any drinks!” 

“Emma. You are wobbling. Be honest.” He tapped her nose lightly. 

She frowned and tried to bite his finger. “I am! I just had some of those candies and went daaaaancing.” She turned a pouty glare up at him. “An-and don’t tap my nose. It’s rude.”

He laughed. She really was too cute like this. But behind his carefree smile, he was worried. If she was telling the truth, then what was in those candies? He would need to get them over to Clavis for study. 

The two of them left the tavern arm in arm. Cyran tried not to enjoy the way she leaned into him too much but she was a nice armful. Emma settled her head against his shoulder and pulled the clasped arm against her belly, tucked right beneath her breasts, so that as they walked she was nearly against his side. 

“Cy, can I a-ask you something?” Emma pronounced it like ‘shum-ting’, her words slurring even more. 

“Of course. Ask me anything,” he replied, distracted. It seemed whatever was in the candies was still working its way through her system. 

She stopped at looked up at him, studying his face under the warm glow of the streetlamps. “Do you like me?”

Cyran was nearly startled into being honest, but caught himself before the words escaped his parted lips. “What? Emma, everyone likes you. Are you sure you didn’t have even one tiny drink? A sip?” He grinned, teasing, “or maybe you’re just playing a little game with me?”

Emma stomped her foot and almost fell over. Only the soldier’s grip on her arm kept her upright. “No! I’m not . . . I - I . . . it’s just . . . you said dear.” Her anger evaporated in an instant, leaving her with a puppy-eyed expression. 

“I did.” He felt drawn forward, his body leaning into hers as if pulled by another sort of gravity. Cyran’s hand cupped the back of her head, fingers sliding up to tangle in her hair, ruining her styling. He felt the catch in her breath and her small hands gripped his coat to pull him even closer. 

Their lips were so close to meeting that he could feel the warmth of her. 

“This would have been so much simpler if you just ate the candies. Now I’ll have to risk damaging the merchandise.” A voice interrupted the moment. One of the two men that had been with the banker stood on the opposite side of the road. He grinned at Cyran as the soldier turned to face him. 

Cyran saw the leather-wrapped tranchon in the man’s hand and pulled his sword from it’s sheath. “You shouldn’t bring a stick to a sword fight.” He was so focused on that threat that he almost didn’t notice the other man rush from the shadows, silently targeting the Belle. It was only really luck that he caught the movement from the corner of his eye.

“Duck,” the soldier snapped the order and thankfully, Emma obeyed. She dropped into a crouch just in time. 

The second attacker’s weapon moved through empty space as Cyran lunged forward. Cyran’s sword took the attacker in his gut, naked blade easily parting the tissue. 

There wasn’t any time to celebrate the small victory as the man with the truncheon came at them. He swung, intending to take the soldier at his knee. Cyran saw the telegraphed motion and kicked up at the right moment. His boot took the man in the face and sent him sprawling back. 

Emma made a surprised sound deep in her chest. A suppressed cry of fear or perhaps anger, Cyran couldn’t tell. 

He pulled her into a half-hug with his free hand. “It’s alright. I’ve got you.”

She nodded mutely and buried her face against his chest.

The man on the ground started to scramble away, but stopped as a squad of guardsmen came into view, with Clavis in the lead. The prince was grinning widely. He took in the scene and began to clap. “Nicely done. I couldn’t have done it better myself. Well, more handsomely, I suppose. I am very dashing. But good job.”

“Thanks.” Cyran smiled back. “I was wondering if you’d pop up conveniently.”

“Of course! I could never stray too far from the lovely Emma.” He held out his hand. “Come here, my dear. The most attractive man in the kingdom wants to make sure you’re ok. Isn’t that flattering?”

She peeked over at him, a tentative smile on her lips, which turned into a frown swiftly. Emma pulled away from Cyran and crossed her arms. “You a-abandoned me in there!”

“I left but for a moment! And I knew Cyran here would look after you.”

“That why you sent me upstairs on a fetch mission?” The soldier raised an eyebrow. He pulled the package from his coat and tossed it over to Clavis. “What is it, anyway?”

“Just a naughty deck of cards. I’m going to slip it into Yves’ games so he finds it next time he plays gin rummy with Keith and Licht.” Clavis’ smile didn’t budge. “It was a very important mission!”

Cyran felt his eyebrow twitch. 

Clavis held out a hand to Emma. “Forgive me? Of course you do. Now come here.”

Emma reluctantly took a step forward but laughed when Clavis took her arm and pulled her into an unexpected embrace. She stumbled a bit, still under the effect of the drugged candies.

“There’s my beauty. You’re so cute when you pout but I like that smile. That one right there.” The prince put a kiss on her nose.

Cyran turned to look at the men on the ground. It was easier than watching the two of them. One was rubbing his chest and clearly considering his chances for escape. The other was dead, his skin already taking on that waxy look of a corpse. The soldier cleared his throat. “If you’re done? I think we have some loose ends to tie up.”

Clavis chuckled. “We do! Guards, if you’ll arrest that one on the ground?” He gestured toward the tavern. “Is our banker friend still there?”

“We didn’t see him leave.” Emma said, drawing out the word leave into a lilting sing-song.

“Are you drunk? No - I know what it is! He gave you something, didn’t he?” The prince’s eyebrows rose with excitement.

Cyran intervened before Emma could answer. “Candies. Which you should probably analyze because Emma had a few.”

“One,” she squeaked.

“One. Which might have ended with her in the banker’s clutches, if I hadn’t come downstairs when I did.” Cyran fixed his boss with a hard look.

Clavis waved it off as if there were nothing to worry about. “If the banker took her back to his secret vault, I’d have rescued her then. Along with the other ladies he was kidnapping to sell into slavery in Obsidian. I was very heroic.” He turned his face to the Belle. “I most definitely deserve a kiss for my selfless deeds. Reward me?” 

Emma huffed. “It’s nooooooot selfless if - if you get a reward.” 

“Isn’t it? No?” The prince looked a little deflated as she turned her face away from him, denying him the sought after kiss. “Well. You’ll change your mind. No one can refuse the most handsome prince in Rhodolite.”

“So all of the missing people were found? And the banker?” Cyran pulled his boss back onto topic.

Clavis nodded. “All the ones not already taken to Obsidian.” Though his smile did not change, his gaze went hard and cold. “Not to worry though. We’ll get them back to. And our banker friend will help us by telling us every single contact he has there.” 

Cyran nodded. “Should I head back to the tavern and gift box him then?”

“Not necessary. Guards are already on their way. I think we need to get the lovely Emma home and into bed.” Clavis grinned at her suggestively. 

“My bed. Alone.”

“How you wound me,” the prince sighed. “But never mind. I’ll be busy anyhow, analyzing those candies. I must discover what fun compounds the banker was using. Surely something I can borrow. A little surprise, perhaps, for a certain brother . . .” 

On the carriage ride back to the palace, Emma fell asleep leaning against Clavis. Cyran studied her peaceful face. The way her lashes lay against her cheek. The delicate arch of her eyebrow. Her lips, slightly parted as if she might speak. He wished it was his shoulder she rested on, but looking at the prince’s expression made him feel guilty for the thought.

Clavis had the most gentle smile as he stroked her hair. It lacked the wicked humor and blatant falseness of his usual expression. It was an openness he’d never shown with any of his other ‘toys.’ Cyran wondered if, perhaps, his boss underestimated the effect Emma had on him. Afterall, a man that had never been in love might not realize when he began that fall. 

“You like her.” Clavis spoke softly into the quiet of the carriage. He did not look up from the Belle as he spoke.

Cyran said nothing for a long moment. Then, “Yes.” He took a breath, steadying himself. His chest roiled with emotions he wasn’t sure how to express. His relationship with Clavis was built on trust and mutual love for the small people. The ideals they shared. He had to believe it could withstand one, beautiful girl between them. “She cares for you a lot.”

He hummed an affirmation, and then, “For you too.”

“I know.” The answer felt like it scraped his throat. Acknowledging this affection felt like pulling the scab from a wound. 

“Don’t hold back on my account.” Clavis finally looked across at him. “That will make the game even more interesting.” 

The smile he wore now was unreadable. A wall that Cyran couldn’t see past. He did not know how the prince meant those words, nor what he should do next. He decided to continue with honesty, the dangerous path. “As you command.” 

“Perhaps we should wager? The one to seduce the lovely Emma wins? Oh, but what if we both do! Or neither. Hmmm.” Clavis traced the edge of her ear with his fingertip. “I’m not sure what the prize would be, excepting the woman herself.”

“Prize enough.” She was worth more than gold or favors, Cyran thought. Much more. “I think the stakes are pretty clear.”

Emma slept on through it, unaware of the gauntlet thrown. She was between them, weaving herself into their hearts in a way that would be impossible to sever.

[miraclelevellan]

So for anyone unaware. Bayonetta's original VA,Helena Taylor is asking for people to boycott Bayonetta 3. Why you may ask?

Because Platinum,or Nintendo,maybe both,only offered to pay her 4k for an entire games worth of vocie acting for the main character,of which there will be multiple versions of her in the upcoming game! 4000 US dollars. Let me tell you,that's not even 2 months of rent for me. This was after she wrote to,and received a letter from,Hideaki Kamiya saying about how much he values her as Bayonetta. And they still offered only 4k at the highest to voice a character she has been voicing for years.

Helena is THE voice of Bayonetta. Bayonetta wouldn't be Bayonetta without her,and they didn't even think to offer her a liveable wage?

Edit: Helena turned out to be lying,Kamiya handled this like a toddler throwing a tantrum. Shit was fucked. Pay VAs more anyway

[skvaderarts]

You know you really do live in a post logic, late stage capitalistic dystopian hellscape when people bend over backwards as hard as they are right now hate a damn near impoverished voice actor who just wanted higher pay so she could keep a roof over her head to defend a company backed by one of the richest companies in the world who thought her contribution to their franchise for a decade was only worth $4000 on their third installment, especially when she plays the main character for one of the main languages the game is released in.

Like, how dare she want to be paid what her contribution was worth, right?

Am I saying that Hellena Taylor is perfect? Hell no. I don't like some of the things she said about the new voice actor at all. But what I am saying is I understand her anger and sadness and pain and I don't think $4000 is acceptable pay for ANY voice actor in a non indie game, regardless of how few hours it takes. Especially with how expensive everything is these days. Period. That's like two months rent in most places, and voice work is intermittent and many times sparce. And she's playing the main character, too? That's utterly disrespectful. I would never have the nerve to try something like that.

I actually saw someone complaining that she broke an NDA. Do you know how much good had been done by whistleblowers who broke NDAs? Please. Some NDAs are good and protect innocent people, but corporate ones? Nah. They are mostly just gag orders used to keep people quiet about something the company is trying to sweep under the rug. Break that shit. Sometimes you have to in order to do what's right. And if breaking this one gets us to finally talk about the shit pay that voice actors make, then I'm all for it.

That's all I've got to say, really. I feel bad for voice actors. They bring us so much joy, and so many of them are barely making ends meet. The voice acting industry needs to do better because I can't even say they are doing the bare minimum right now. Hell, the entire game industry needs change as well. None of this is okay.

[firstelevens]

3, 39, 41!

3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics?

The big ones are food as a shorthand for/demonstration of love, people reading emotion or tension from the set of someone else's shoulders (I can't account for this; it just happens in every fic), and explorations of caretaker-type characters and what goes on in their heads! But in working on this latest WIP, which is the longest fic I've written, I'm realizing that I truly LOVE a tripartite list? That's definitely a structure that I use too often, but I'm very attached.

39. Is any aspect of your writing process inspired by other writers or people? If so, who?

I honestly don't know if I can be said to have a writing process; mostly I just fling myself headfirst into something with an outline clutched in hand and hope it works out? But for a long time I was VERY bad at letting other people read things I'd written, and I now have a few dear friends who are both very good writers AND understand how to deliver feedback that I can actually put into practice. I don't always ask people to look over my stuff, but having the option has definitely helped me be better at the "just get words on a page and fix them later" part of writing.

41. Link a fic that made you think, “Wow, I want to write like that.”

Meagan I am so sorry but I am about to compliment you to your face directly. I don't think we were even friends yet, but I still remember exactly where I was when I clicked on "New Game" and I read the whole entire thing in one sitting even though I had THREE 4000 word essays due in less than a week.

It was funny and tender and the character voices rang SO TRUE, and you used nonlinear storytelling to such beautiful effect, and YOUR PROSE! You have such a gift for dialogue and rhythm, and you're so good at taking a concept that sounds silly at first and just weaving layers of depth into it.

Truly, I read that fic and then instead of working on my undergrad dissertation, I just sat there and stared out the window wanting very badly to drop everything until I'd figured out how to do what you did.

(And now we're friends! Sometimes it's cool to meet your heroes, folks!)

[magpiejay1234]

So Episode 119.

Before we go to dive into the episode, we need talk about Ruri's VA for a bit, since she will be with us for a while.

Her VA is Rin Aizawa, not the Sentai actress one, this one:

She is not a voice actor, but rather a live-action one, so if her delivery in the previous episodes felt stilted, this is partially why.

Her previous credited roles were Rin in one of screenings of Tenchu stage play, because of course there was a Tenchu stage play, and Sen Suzuaka in Sweet School Life, a bit role in a TV romcom. Ruri is her first, and final VA role.

Yes, the VA of Shun's two-seasons-long-teased imouto is a two-bit romcom actress. This is pretty much the same as Verhoeven casting TV drama actors for Starship Troopers to make the satire more obvious.

I'm not entirely sure if this casting decision is brilliant, or batsh*t, but it is certainly insane.

More likely case is that, of course, considering also Grace's VA being later cast as Ray, her VA contract might have been signed under the assumption that Xyz arc would have lasted through the Season 3, like other previous arcs. But that is pure unsubstantiated speculation.

Either way, they must have realized she would be brought back almost a decade later for future video games, since Ono's previous show, 5D's, was the one with most video game adaptations with vocal lines. So this is very obviously intentional, as we will see later into the episode. Of course, if ARC-V didn't discombobulate itself, she might have had a career, but she is apparently retired back in March 31st, 2017, around the time ARC-V ended. Let's see how Konami squares this hole.

*****

This episode's title is The Little Bird Trapped in Darkness, and the Kanji for Little Bird is the same as Kotori's name, which is amusing, since Ruri's Deck mostly references Rio instead. The episode's title is likely a reference to The Darkling Thrush.

We start around the time of Rin's Duel, so this episode is supposed to be concurrent with that one. Shun asks what happened, Kaito explains, Ruri has the evil smile. Edo tries to warn Shun, but is late. Edo explains what is going on, causing Kaito to tell Edo to meet Yugo.

Ruri is checking unconscious Diana. Kaito and Shun have a quarrel, Doktor wants to test Fusion Parasite's effectiveness with them, causing Ruri to become aggressive, meaning earlier in the episode, he made it ineffective.

Kaito explains Ruri isn't sane right now, causing Shun to get angry. They split, with Shun taking Ruri's challenge, and Kaito going away to find Doktor, but he stops, and looks at a card.

Meanwhile, Yuya, and Gongenzaka find Ethan's card. Crow is searching for Shingo, who is running away from Battle Beast. Shingo falls down, causing Battle Beast to let out a growl.

Shun starts with Rise Falcon, and claims Ruri has no one besides him, but yet bares her fangs against him (a reference to the Rin duel).

Brainwashed Ruri considers this an insult. (Previous ad break's text made a reference to Rio vs. Shark duel in ZEXAL, so the theme is similar here).

Ruri Overlays all 5 Lyriluscs. These cards have slightly stronger Summoning effects in the animé, but they lack their OCG abilities which grant effects to Xyz Monsters using them, so they are not necessarily stronger in the animé.

Assembled Nightingale gets 100 ATK for each material. Once again, OCG version has a stronger effect, with 200 ATK gain, though that is largely because regular Duels have 8000 LP, rather than 4000 LP.

A bit of a lore before going through with the rest of the episode, due to April 2020 MR revision, the highest amount of materials AN can get from the initial Summon not 5, as it is in this episode's MR3, but is 7, though logically you will get 6 at maximum (5 Level 1 Monsters for Main Monster Zones, and 1 from ED for one of the EMZ). Once again, all according to Ray's keikaku, though Lyriluscs do not have a Level 1 ED monster yet.

Doktor is overjoyed with Ruri's constant direct attacks.

Shun wants to take Ruri back, Ruri claims she is nobody else's.

A bit of lore here, as we will see in later Ruri & Serena vs. Yuya & Yuto Duel, Fusion Parasite increases the aggressiveness of the host, as to be seen by cards like Power Parasite, much like Roget's electroshock chip used on Yuya. Since we actually care about Ruri as a character, and since her VA cannot ham it up, we actually have to rely more than brainwashing to justify this duel.

We get a cut to Shingo, chilling. He believes Battle Beast stopped pursuing him.

Shun uses Blaze Falcon to try to destroy AN, Ruri uses its effect to protect it.

This effect is unnamed, but its animation used for Lyrilusc - Bird Sanctuary's artwork in Duelists of Whirlwind support... which is somewhat unrelated to this effect.

AN's effect is used twice, in the OCG version, it can only be used once per turn either turn, in the animé, it can be used whenever.

Ruri draws Fusion Parasite, but doesn't initially use it, instead, trying to attack directly. Ruri's actual personality wakes up, seeing Shun in damage, but is trapped in her own body, due to the nerve control.

Shun claims Ruri cannot beat him, Ruri tells her to remember those words.

Ruri Special Summons Fusion Parasite with Bird Song, Shun recognizes this isn't one of her monsters.

Independent Nightingale is Summoned, and much like Crystal Bell, Fusion Parasite attaches itself to its chest.

Shun immediately recognizes Fusion Parasite is controlling her.

Shun evades IN's effect damage with Action Magic: Acceleration. Yuya reference is obvious.

Ruri claims even against his own sister, Shun is obsessed with victory, as a sort of reference to his original concept we discussed before, and probably as a middle finger to Yoshida.

Shun draws a card, and asks Ruri about her Duel with Sayaka.

We get the flashback of Ruri's loss against Sayaka. Sayaka gives her Little Fairy.

A bit of a brief before we go on, Little Fairy can increase its Level by sending cards from hand to GY. Lyriluscs have very high draw power, meaning you can abuse this effect to mill your hand.

Sayaka gives her her signature monster because Ruri is her best friend, but Shun wants her to refuse it, claiming she shouldn't accept cards readily.

Flashback ends. Shun states he didn't understand Sayaka back then, and has been degenerating in his views after losing Ruri, Ruri tells her to hurry up.

Shun continues his speech, saying he understand now.

He Summons Little Fairy. We see Shun's flashback to a couple minutes ago, where the card Kaito looked was revealed to be Little Fairy, and he entrusted it to Shun.

Using Little Fairy's effect, he raises it to Level 5, then uses Cross Xyz, which has the same effect as Xiangke Magician's Pendulum effect.

Ruri is surprised, obviously we know he learned this from Yuya.

With this, he Summons Stranger Falcon, whose name is a reference to Kaito's Cipher Etranger.

Brainwashed Ruri tries to use Fusion Parasite to protect herself, but is stopped by Ruri's actual personality.

Ruri's actual personality demands Shun to attack her, which he obliges, noticing this is the only way to ensure her return.

Doktor is happy with the results, saying lots of interesting data has been collected.

Meanwhile Sawatari climbs up to meet Crow. They meet up with Obelisk Blue students, intrusion penalty warning comes up, but they haven't noticed Battle Beast yet.

Next episode is Battle Beast.

That's the episode, here's the lore:

We discussed Lyriluscs before, and since their only unprinted card is Bird Song right now, there isn't much to discuss. OCG Lyriluscs are mostly the same as their animé counterparts, with some nerfs, and some buffs.

Since they will return in the Raging Dragon Duel, we will discuss them more in detail. For now, yes, Xyz Monsters, and IN, have hats referencing Raidraptors' heads.

Ruri losing to Sayaka is obviously a parallel to Masumi-Yuzu duel, though contexts are different of course.

Shun's pre-war personality was much closer to ZEXAL era Kaito, not very egao around Ruri.

This episode mostly serves as a showcase for Stranger Falcon (which can be seen on one of the DVD covers), Lyriluscs, and as a false hope for saving Ruri, who will be shoved back into Yuzu's *ss end of series... then kicked back out eventually, depending on whether her VA returns, or Konami hires a new one for Duel Links.

The (sort of) purified form of Independent Nightingale is Ensemblue Robin, as we discussed before. Much like Diamond Bell, this card also has spear motifs of Beyond the Pendulum, despite being released much earlier:

Much like Diamond Bell, it also has allusions to Yuya's Pendulum, the blue crystals from its back. As we discussed before, its name is a reference to Ruri's, which contains a Kanji that references blue robins.

Independent Nightingale's Level based effects are obviously a reference to Isao, and Academia forces in the Xyz Dimension, who used anti-Xyz tactics.

The special Xyz Summon Shun used is called is Cross Xyz Change, which is not yet made into a full-blown gimmick, much like Crow's Phantom Synchro. I guess with Xyz Z-ARC retrain, we will get it. Or after whenever Yuya learns to do regular Rank-Up, whichever comes first. As the name suggests, this is supposed to be the big innovation of ARC-V for Xyz Summons (since ARC-V is the "crossover" series, hyuck hyuck), but since we didn't get a proper season-long Xyz arc, it failed to stick.

The Fusion Parasite inside Ruri was not destroyed, which is kind of hard to take seriously as the big mid-arc threat at this point, like, do none of the Lancers have Dark Hole and/or Harpie's Feather Duster.

[socialjusticefail]

You might not have all the context behind the Bayonetta controversy.

She lied. She claimed she was going to only be paid $4000 for voicing the entire game, when she was actually offered way higher than the average VA does and demanded to be paid six figures AND residuals (which are not given to VA actors!!)

The thing is, Bayonetta is a unionised game. Actors would be getting paid hourly, not on a flat rate. She wanted more money, and wouldn't capitulate, so they decided to use someone else since her demands were ridiculous. They offered her a cameo that she would be paid $4000 for (it would be a short session, around $1000 an hour, and regardless of the time spent in the studio she would be paid in full since it's unionised).

Voice actors get paid shit and don't get residuals (and are the only people in the entertainment industry who don't) but she wasn't asking for a fair wage, she was asking for triple the average salary.

Please don't assume I don't. Some of the posts that I reblogged on this topic went to my queue rather than instant. So it is likely I reblogged what you are telling me when it came out.

[lynkhart]

MAJOR spoilers for the C2 finale of Critical Role so read at your own risk of you haven’t caught up!

I have so many feelings regarding Caleb and Essek’s intertwining character arcs I needed to explore, so strap in folks, you’re in for a bit of a ride! (But seriously though, this is like 4000 words long, I basically wrote an essay 😂)

At the start of the campaign, Caleb Widogast was dripping in guilt and self loathing and refused to believe he could ever absolve himself of his sins. Essek Thelyss was a cold, aloof individual who betrayed his people for selfish goals, and their differing yet mirrored narratives have been an absolute delight to watch unfold.

In the beginning Caleb truly hated himself. He shot down any attempt at a compliment, described himself as a ‘disgusting person’, outright rejected the idea that he was worthy of love, and never let the blame shift from him for what he’d done. When Beauregard and Veth/Nott pointed out that he was coerced and manipulated into killing his parents, he reacts in an incredibly visceral way, and I’ve seen several comments likening it to a victim of child abuse who was groomed into believing they were as responsible as their abuser, and I think that’s exactly how it was meant to be read. He doesn’t see himself as a victim, only a murderer, and punishes himself for it every day. We see this in the way he presents himself, dirty and unkempt because in his mind he doesn’t deserve to feel good about himself in any way. Other than Nott/Veth and Beau to a certain degree, he purposefully isolates himself from the rest of the group and it’s a long time until he feels relaxed enough in their company to drop his defences a little.

(Speaking from a purely meta point of view, Liam did an absolutely phenomenal job of showing this through body language and I’d love to see someone do a compilation video of it. He starts off very hunched and guarded, leaning his body away from the closest person to him and avoiding eye contact and physical touch; but by the end stands tall and sure of himself.)

Early on there were a few moments where he had the option to do some pretty dark shit, and I’m sure there’s a possible timeline where he gave into his desire for revenge and really lost his way, but I’m glad he stuck it out and worked through his trauma in the way he did. His PTSD and disassociation when casting with fire was tragic, but over time he was able to work through it thanks to the constant love and support of his friends who kept him from going off at the deep end.

Molly’s death was the catalyst for change in a lot of the party, and Caleb is no exception. On the verge of leaving the group prior to his death, the grief they shared, combined with their frantic attempt to rescue the other half of their party put things in perspective and gradually he learned how to be a person again, to care.

Altering time to save his family had been Caleb’s only goal in life, and so when Essek and by extension, dunamancy was introduced, you could see his eyes light up at the possibilities.

A huge turning point for him is aligned so closely with Essek’s redemption arc which feels quite apt I think. When Essek confesses to his crimes, Caleb delivers a beautifully iconic piece of dialogue where he acknowledges their similarities and how much he himself has changed as a person since meeting the Mighty Nein. (Source - CR wiki)

‘You listen to me. I know what you are talking about. I know. And the difference between you and I is thinner than a razor. I know what it means to have other people complicate your desires and wishes. And I was like you. Was. I know what a fool I have been for years. You didn't account for us. Good. That is life. Shit hits you sideways in life and no one is prepared. No one is ready. These people changed me. These people can change you. You were not born with venom in your veins. You learned it. You learned it. You have a rare opportunity here, Thelyss. One chance to save yourself, and we are offering it.’

This is not the same Caleb we met back in the Nestled Nook inn way back in the first episode. While not yet fulfilled or entirely convinced of his own worth, he knows he’s on the right path. That alone is progress enough, but that he uses his own experiences to help another escape those same chains of guilt says such a lot for his development. When he tells Essek that his ‘venom’ was learned, he’s also talking about himself and his own history of being manipulated and gaslit, with the implication being that it can be un-learned just as efficiently.

Caleb Widogast is selfish no more, or at the very least, doesn’t let his goals undermine anyone else’s anymore. Contrary to what he himself might still think, he is in no way a bad person. He loves fiercely and cannot abide seeing those he cares about in pain.

Early game Essek is what Caleb could have been if he’d rejected his friends and focused solely on his own selfish goal to undo his mistakes. Both are impassive at first and see the Mighty Nein as means to an end...until they get to know them and then their fate is sealed. The Power of Friendship wins once again!

At the beginning Caleb said he wanted to ‘bend reality to my will’ (sic) and in the end he does just that, though not in the way he originally intended. Destroying the T-Dock, and by extension the one thing he’d been building towards from the start, the chance to go back and change time, for me personally was the absolute peak of his journey. I rewatched the scene where Caleb revealed the truth about his parents death today, and it was really jarring to see just how far he’d come since then. It made me oddly proud actually.

I always felt like his plan to save his parents was the one thing holding him back from truly accepting their deaths, which is why the final scene of him in the cemetery with the letters for them hit so hard. He never truly gave up hope that they’d be reunited, but ultimately he realised he was merely postponing the inevitable and never allowing himself to live his own life. While time travel shenanigans would have been incredibly interesting to explore in game, choosing to let the past lie and not go back for them finally allows him to grieve and move on, and perhaps most importantly of all, to forgive himself at last.

I know some people were annoyed by Caleb’s decision in the finale to spend the rest of his life teaching rather than continuing to adventure, but I see it as the natural conclusion to his whole arc and his own personal victory.

He looked Trent Ikithon in the eyes, a man who he’d spent years wanting to kill and run from in equal measure, stripped him of his power and his voice (and ultimately his ability to harm anyone else) and finally spared his life so he had to live with the indignity of his defeat for the rest of his miserable existence. You couldn’t have asked for a more damning rejection of everything he’d been brainwashed into believing as a child. His dismissal of Trent’s position in the Assembly played into that as well. He never really wanted power for the sake of it; he had no desire for politics, he just wanted his family back, and while he didn’t get the one he started with, he made a new one for himself in the end.

As Caduceus once very wisely said:

‘Pain doesn’t make people; it's love that makes people. The pain is inconsequential; it's love that saves them.’

Caleb gets to break the cycle of abuse and teach a new generation of mages the way he should have been, with kindness and respect, and I’m pretty sure he’d have introduced a handsome drow as a guest lecturer from time to time. 😉

Speaking of...

Essek described himself as selfish and as a coward, forever putting his own wants and desires first, yet over the course of his journey with the Nein we see his priorities change drastically.

Having friends gives him people to care about, something he’s never had before, and it changes his outlook on life completely. For me, the first time we really see this is when he joins them for dinner in the Xorhaus and stops levitating. It’s a subtle thing, but meaningful. He explains that it had become an expectation of him, a quirk he’s known for, and so to feel comfortable enough around the Nein to drop that pretence is quite bold I think.

Much later, when he chooses to destroy the mini beacon they discover in Aeor in order to give everyone a long rest before the final confrontation with Lucian, he’s essentially giving up everything he betrayed his people for, just to keep his friends safe. The existence and context of that single artefact could have had an earthshattering impact on the Dynasty’s entire culture, forcing them to reevaluate their entire belief system and attitude to the Luxon, something he’d wanted from the start, something he helped start a war for, but he offered it up as a sacrifice without a second thought.

I’d say that’s a pretty big morality shift, and I’m super interested to see if Matt reveals if his alignment changed in the post campaign Q&A. I have a feeling he set him up as a potential BBEG but the party was like ‘no, you can’t have him, he’s ours now’ and that was the end of that. 😂

I think it says so much about the other characters too, that they befriended this person they barely knew, and when he was revealed to have done such terrible things, their first reaction was to give him comfort and an opportunity to atone. Jester held his hand while he confessed, and afterwards, while they didn’t immediately forgive him, they saw the good in him and wanted him to be better, which ultimately feels like what the entire campaign was about, leaving places (and people) better than they found them. It’s obvious that he’s never really had many friends before and has therefore never had the opportunity to be emotionally open with anyone, so seeing him gradually warm up to the Nein and allow himself to soften around them was really lovely to watch.

(Obviously, from a realistic moral perspective, he still fucked up big time. He’s still a godsdamned war criminal and really should have been put on trial for what he did, but I think from a narrative and personal point of view, his redemption arc was far more satisfying, so I’m glad it happened the way it did. (And not to derail but the rest of the gang have done some pretty horrific stuff as well, though perhaps not quite on the same scale)

He has a few moments towards the end that I absolutely love because they show that beneath the guilt and anguish, there’s an incredibly sweet and sensitive soul in there, just wanting acceptance. His dry jokes which often don’t quite hit, (the ‘I will punish the bakery’ line is such an under-appreciated one 😂) his simple joy at learning to garden in the Blooming Grove, and realising that he’d never been asked what his favourite food was before was actually kind of heartbreaking, because it highlighted how lonely his life must have been until that time. There was a moment pretty early on I think when he cast disguise on the party and Jester asked if he could cast it again to change the look of her outfit a bit and while he seemed to find it amusing, he refused, not wanting to waste a spell on such a frivolous request. Cut to their time in Aeor where he burns a fly spell just so he and Caleb can flirtatiously swoop around each other for a couple of minutes, all the while trying to beat Lucian to the city.

His breakdown when Molly’s resurrection failed really cemented to me how much he’d grown as a character. He never met Molly, his only knowledge of him was secondhand, through the eyes of his friends, but seeing it fail just broke him because he knew how much it hurt them to go through it all over again.

His comment to Caleb about not admitting defeat and wishing he could do more did get me wondering at the time if he was going to try and do something crazy, perhaps sacrificing himself via the Temporal Dock to make amends or somehow forcing another reroll, but I’m glad he didn’t. The conversation following that with Fjord was one of my favourites- he shows him acceptance and belief in his potential for the future, something he’s lacked for a long time, and when Caleb bluntly affirms afterwards that he is indeed an official member of the Mighty Nein, it’s the start of the rest of his life, and something he’s exceptionally grateful for.

It all leads to that final moment in Aeor with Caleb, when, presented with the opportunity to alter time and undo everything, he chooses to accept his decisions and carry the weight of his sins for the rest of his long life. That’s...huge.

He’s essentially choosing to live the rest of his existence as a fugitive, forever on the run, with no guaranteed peace or safety. He chooses to spend his life making up for his deeds, rather than looking for an easy way out.

I think that may have had a big impact on why Caleb ultimately made the same decision, as if Essek had been up for altering his timeline I think he’d have struggled to resist it himself. The conversation they had earlier in Aeor about their priorities and resisting temptation really comes to mind as well.

Now, to the relationship.

It was subtle, and not as ‘in your face’ obvious as the other characters, but I’ve been watching and hoping for a long time and I must say, it feels good to be vindicated.

(And if you have any doubt, both Matt and Liam confirmed on Twitter that their post finale relationship was 100% romantic)

I’d been hoping that Shadowgast would be a canon endgame relationship for a while, so the finale, and the aforementioned T-Dock scene in particular had me quite literally shaking with emotion as I watched live. Here you have two men, both damaged and guilt-stricken in their own ways, who find in each other a kindred spirit and a path to redemption.

They’re both very guarded and closed off people, but Essek in particular has a definite shift in the last arc of the campaign especially when it came to his interactions with Caleb. At the start he was quite aloof and stoic, though charming, and they had an instant connection through their shared love of the arcane, (anyone who couldn’t see them making heart eyes at each other when Essek was describing the different types of magic he could teach Caleb was clearly blind) but by the end he was incredibly open to showing his vulnerabilities and that takes a lot, especially for someone whose primary focus was to stay in control of every aspect of his life. The ‘Caleb, I’m scared’ moment during the Trent fight in particular made my heart ache.

No, we didn’t get a dramatic declaration of love or a cinematic mid-battle kiss, but I’d argue that their relationship was just as, if not more intimate than any of the other main characters were. They understood each other in a way the others didn’t, their shared guilt, feelings of inadequacy and their obsession with magic forged a deep connection from the get-go. Neither of them are big fans of PDA I think, though Caleb is tactile as hell (forehead touches and kisses, oh man, I’m so weak for those 😩👌) and some of their most iconic moments have them putting themselves in harm’s way to protect the other. Essek shaking off his forced guilt trip immediately after the now infamous forehead touch in ep140 was beautifully poetic, as was using his fortune’s favour to pull Caleb out of the rubble moments before. Caleb trying to include him in his Sphere of Invulnerability in the finale and Essek staying close to him the whole fight despite being obviously terrified of Trent was the icing on the cake. It’s clear that they care for each other a great deal; whether by the finale they’d consider it love is up for debate, but we know that’s eventually where it ended up and honestly, I love that. I deeply appreciated the fact Matt and Liam both emphasised that they took their time with their relationship, letting each other heal in their own way before they took the next step. All too often in media, and real life too sadly, a romantic relationship is seen as some kind of quick fix, and that a lover will somehow complete you or make all your problems vanish. They knew this wasn’t the case here, and that made it all the better.

While I would have *loved* to have seen them together as a couple right to the very end, the change in their relationship felt right, if bittersweet. I doubt they ever stopped loving each other, and if anything, choosing to shift to a deep and lifelong friendship over a romance that would cause them both so much pain is one of the kindest things you could do for someone you love. After all, friendship isn’t a downgrade, just another way of experiencing that same love, and it wasn’t as though they broke up and never saw each other again, it was pretty strongly implied that they remained a major feature in each other’s lives, they just changed their label slightly. Caleb would hate to have forced Essek to watch him wither away, and although his eventual passing would hurt Essek regardless, incompatible lifespans being what they are, having a period of time to adjust to it, to give them a buffer between the inevitable heartbreak was actually really sweet.

Their romance was no accident, they knew going in that it had a time limit, that it wasn’t going to be forever for one of them, and the fact they did it anyway says so much. They began their adventure wholeheartedly believing that they were both, in their own way incapable of love, only to later find it with each other. Whether their relationship lasted for a couple of years or multiple decades is irrelevant, what matters is that while it did they had a happy and fulfilled life together.

I know some folk wanted Caleb to use the transmogrification spell on himself so he could live on with Essek as another elf, or make him human instead, but that would have been way out of character for both I think. If they could have backwards engineered one of the rejuvenation stations in Aeor and used it to extend Caleb’s life by a hundred years or so, so he’d have a similar lifespan to Veth, now, I could have seen him possibly doing that, so he could spend more time with his best friend too, but nothing further I think. He longed to be reunited with his parents too much to postpone death unnaturally like that.

That both Caleb and Essek ultimately chose to live with their mistakes and make peace with themselves was incredibly cathartic, and I couldn’t imagine it playing out any better.

The fact Matt has explicitly stated Essek is Demi too means so much to me personally because the latter is a label I’ve been identifying with a lot recently, and it’s so rare for aspec relationships to get any representation! It has honestly given me a lot to think about over the last few days, and I really appreciate it.

To conclude, here’s a bit of shameless self promotion. I wrote this after watching the finale and honestly feel like it sums up my feelings on the nature of their relationship pretty well.

‘A casual hand on a shoulder, a waist, a wrist; a gentle kiss placed on a forehead is common between them now, an intimacy born of trust and mutual affection. Over time it grows, like a fire born of seasoned timber; gradual and steady, no spluttering kindling that flares and sparks, but a slow burn, one which lasts.

Their love is embroidered into every aspect of their lives together. Acts of service, of comfort, of understanding.

Sometimes a kiss leads to more than a kiss, sometimes it doesn’t. Either way they are content.‘

So yeah, I love these two wizard boys so very much and I couldn’t be happier with the conclusion of their stories. ❤️

[that-damn-girl]

(7) Bucky and The Bed

Completed

Chapter 6

Bucky and The Bed Masterlist

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x (cis)fem!reader

Words: 4000+

Summary: You and Bucky are stranded in the middle of a snowy nowhere when there is an 'electronic blackout' during your mission. With no back ups or any way to contact your team, you take refuge from the worsening weather in the only cabin you find  in miles. Not to mention, with no power, Bucky has become your personal heater and there's only one bed.

Chapter type: Soft smut. Fluff. Teasing.

Chapter/Trigger warning: Smut. 18+ only please. Language.

A/N: Thank you for continuing to read this series. Hope you like this part!

Laying on your side, as consciousness slowly sipped into you, you noticed a few things around you before you could open your eyes. A heavy arm laid on your middle, not exactly clutching you in its grasp, but rather just holding you close, safe and sound in its hold. A warmth, fulfilling and rich, cocooned your body. Low and soft, broken moans and grunts poured right into your ears from behind as short gusts of warm breath tickled your cartilage.

Most prominent of them all though, was the hard length nestled bare in between the soft skin of your butt cheeks. The gentle rutting of Bucky's cock on your ass ignited a desire to flow through you. Although half asleep, the feel of it all was too overwhelming to ignore. Half, incomplete moans in your ears in his morning gravely voice were much more delicious than ever.

Somewhere in the back of your head, you could sense that he wasn't awake, grooving his member against you in his sleep. That somehow made it that much more intimate, to know that even when unconscious, he sought for you and your warmth. That even when unconscious, in his most vulnerable state, he trusted you with every part of himself.

You couldn't help but buck your hips against Bucky, relishing in the way the grunts behind you sounded heavier with much more feels. It only caused your core to tighten, a heat to pool between your thighs. Even though you weren't fully awake yet, your brain still unconscious enough to not remember much in clear details, your sleep laced mind knew who it was behind you. Holding you closely, giving you a sense of security,  making a wave a pleasure course through you and he pleasured himself. Almost as if thinking of anyone else but him in that moment would feel wrong.

"Bucky," you moaned as he humped harder against you. Hearing your sweet voice calling out his name sinfully, something propelled him to clutch his arm tighter around you and bring your behind closer to his. As his length pressed more firmly against you, telling you just how hard he was, you unintendedly moaned louder. 

His name leaving your lips in such an erotic manner gradually roused him from his sleep. As the haziness cleared from his mind, Bucky immediately stopped what he was doing, quite ashamed of himself for taking advantage of you like that, wondering what he started doing it in the first place. 

Bucky noticed the feel of your smooth skin bare under his touch. He couldn't help but drag his curious hands across your torso but stopped when his fingers touched the underside of your breasts. He blushed quite hard too. Despite the blankets covering your forms, he could see your bare shoulders peeking from underneath. 

He blushed even harder as he realised neither you nor him had any layers on beneath the blankets. It didn't help his case when he realised his member was settled quite snugly between your ass cheeks.

Bucky wrecked his mind to remember why the pair of you were in such a state of undress, until the last night came back to him. The confessions, the moans, the words, everything came rushing to him, to remind him how lucky of a man you had made him by accepting to be his girl. In an instant he was overjoyed. Overjoyed to know that all of it was real, to know that none of it was a dream. 

"Y/N," he said, bending down to place a trail of soft loving kisses on your shoulder and along the curve of your neck. 

Now nearly awake, you tilted your head to give him more space and gingerly brought his arm from underneath your breasts to upon it. Taking the hint, he kneaded and softly squeezed your boobs. You bucked your hips against his again, but his hands stopped you from taking anything further.

He let out a sigh before turned you on your back and looked deeply into your eyes. For some reason, his eyes looked regretful to you, "I am sorry, Y/N. I didn't know I was doing it in my sleep. I don't want you to think that I was taking your advantage or anything. You have to know I'd never do anything like that-"

Smushing his face between your palms, you quickly cut him off with a kiss. Bucky was taken aback for a second, but he took a hold of his bearings and kissed you back passionately. A hand looped around your waist and he rubbed your back which led him to palm your ass fondly.

You pulled back and leaned on your elbows to look at him in the eyes. How much more perfect could a man be? Caressing his cheek, you tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear, "I was enjoying it, Bucky. And I know you'd never do anything of the sort. Why do you always forget that I told you," you leaned forward and pecked him on the lips slowly, "I trust you."

Bucky smiled widely in between short kisses, thanking his stars for finally letting him have someone as precious as you. You kept kissing each other for a while, drunk on the newfound love between you two. Hands roamed the other's body slowly, sensually, appreciatively.

Bucky had never been as close to heaven as he had been in that moment. His warm body bare against yours, not separated by any nonsensical thing; you in his arms, taking comfort in his hold while giving him some too. Kissing you, touching you, loving you. Really, this was no less than heaven for him.

You trying to rub your thigh against his erection was a wonderful bonus.

Putting you back on your back, Bucky slightly leaned over you as he laid on his side. You swore you could see stars alone from the way his plump lips kissed you, his tongue caressing your inside your mouth.

"Can I touch you this way?" You asked, carefully laying a hand on his shaft under the blankets. 

Bucky drew in a sharp breath at the touch, a bit surprised but loving it nonetheless. "Trust me, it’s more than okay," he said. He was about to ask you something too, but you beat him to it.

"You can touch me anywhere anyway you want to, really. I'm comfortable with it as long as you are." 

You delicately wrapped your palm around him and started pumping him slowly. His member throbbed under your touch, making you feel immensely good for having such an effect on him. Gently sweeping your thumb over his head, you used the little beads of precum to lubricate his shaft. Bucky hid his face in the crook of your neck as you did so, a lewd Ah escaping his lips.

He soon brought his fingers downward to your sex. Running them through your slit and finding it wet, he seductively whispered in your ear, "All of this for me, doll?" 

"Everything, for you." You whispered back. He collected your on his fingers before taking them up to your clit, stroking it tenderly, making you only wetter by the second. You bit your lips as a new wave of desire coursed through you. 

You focused on pleasuring Bucky as good as he pleasured you. Holding his member a little more tightly, you flicked your wrists with every up and down movement as much as your cramped up position allowed. Your thumb caressed his head every so often, making him moan obscenely every time you did that.

And his moans, oh god his moans.

If you thought his morning voice was sexy, his moans and grunts were another level entirely. Listening to his gruff, gravely voice repeat your name  with Ohs and Ahs - uncontrolled, purely on instinct, just for your ears, was a new high for you.

Your need to see him was just as bad as your need to hear him. Gripping the blankets with your free hand, you pushed them away from yourselves as your legs worked on kicking them off. Cool chilly air hit your exposed heated skin when Bucky wasn't covering you in a much more merciless manner than you had anticipated. But one look down your body to glance at his member being stimulated by you; to glance at the drops of precum escaping his slit as you worked on him was worth it.

It didn't last though. You couldn't help closing your eyes and tipping your head back in pleasure as Bucky stepped up his game. Switching between massaging your sensitive nub in various invisible patterns, he had already increased his pace as he put just the right amount of pressure. When you pushed the blankets off of you though, it was a different story. 

He raised his head from your neck to glimpse down where you stroked him and he did to you. Realising that you liked watching it as you played with his shaft, that you loved to see his thick throbbing member let slip precum under your touch, it did something to him, igniting something raw and carnal inside him. 

In an instant he worked his fingers harder and faster on your sensitive clit. Increasing his pace further, he put all of himself into stimulating you, bringing you closer to the edge. The world, the surroundings, nothing mattered to him. It was you and only you on his mind. Being ravished under his fingers, seeking him and his touch to achieve that ultimate goal. 

Closing your eyes, you relished in the feels Bucky was giving you. The scent of your arousal lingered heavily in the air. His full lips attached to your neck, lightly nibbling and sucking the most sensitive of parts. Overwhelmed with all the sensations being bestowed upon your body, you desperately needed to clutch onto something, to keep yourself anchored to the real world. With nothing else to hold onto, you bunched up the sheets in your hand.

Bucky noticed the pace of your hands on his cock faltering for a few moments as your moans rose in volume. He didn't mind it though. It must mean he was doing something right. He was quite proud of it.

"Bucky- ah - it feels so good," you said with your eyes shut tight, desperately trying to focus on pumping Bucky but his fingers worked so well on your pearl that it was hard to concentrate on anything else.

"You are so good," Bucky mumbled in your ear before littering your neck with hot wet kisses, his warm breath pounding your neck. He loved listening to the gorans and mewls falling out of your lips, loved knowing that he was the reason behind them.

The coil in your belly was tightening more and more, yearning to finally be able to let go. You arced your back as he played with your clit, massaging it with expert roll of his fingers. It was dizzying, the rush of feels which followed soon after. 

Moaning helplessly, you let the tension in your abdomen uncoil as you came in Bucky's fingers under his ministrations. Pleasure coursed through your veins hot and fast as you withered next to him.

Your hand unintentionally gripped Bucky's cock harder. Bucky groaned, unbelieving how good it felt. His fingers rubbed you some more, determined to prolong your orgasm. You mewled as his fingers kept teasing you, stretching your orgasm.

You stroked him faster, driven to get him to orgasm as well, deploying all the tricks you could think of. You whispered sweet nothings into his ear, telling him how good he had made you fell, how good you planned to make him feel. 

Reaching the edge himself, Bucky bucked his hips into your hand, desperately awaiting to climax, your touch bringing nothing but delight to him. A few strokes later, Bucky too let himself go, finally tipping over the edge, groaning obscenely. Hot thick ropes of his cum landed on your torso in short bursts, painting your skin with his release.

Panting heavily, you both tried to calm yourselves down from your high. You turned to look at Bucky. Smiling candidly, wide and bright, his expression mirrored your own. Despite your cum-stained selves, the moment felt so raw, so pure, it was heartwarming to say the least. If it were possible, you had already lost yourself in his eyes.

None of you had to say anything to know how wonderful it had been for the other. Your gazes showed everything there was to be known. Holding your hand in his, he interlaced your fingers with his before bringing them close his lips and softly kissing your knuckles. 

Something tugged at your heart from the way he looked at you, his gaze looking deep into your soul with all the love he held for you. Only you. As if you'd hung the moon and the stars, as if you'd bring them to him if he asked you to. Glancing into his gentle blue orbs, you realised you just might. 

Overwhelmed once again with the intensity of his gaze, your chest rose and fell and breaths quickened. And here you thought you were calming yourself down. But how could you, when he was looking at you so lovingly? You knew you were in love with this man. 

But now you knew you were deeply and irrevocably in love with this man.

You couldn't, however, tell him that. Not outright, anyway. While you wanted more, so much more, things needed to be escalated at his pace. His comfort was just as important as yours. If he wanted your relationship to go slow, it'd go slow. Moreover, you were much too afraid to lose something as precious as your and his bond.

Afraid you'd do something, or rather say something you'd regret later, you attempted to divert his attention from your face. Swiping his cum from your skin on your finger, you lewdly licked his cum off your finger, all the while holding his gaze, appreciating the tangy yet sweet taste of him in your moan. 

Watching you, Bucky groaned, "You're going to be the death of me," Cupping your face, he smashed his lips against yours. The kiss was rather hard, hot and heated, and you loved every second of it.

Pulling back, gleeful, bashful smiles once again took a hold of his handsome face. You couldn’t help but let them take their hold on you too. 

You were happy. You were very happy, in fact. But the universe was set on making you feel anything but that.

The near empty cupboards in the kitchen stared back at you, as if mocking and teasing you, challanging  you to somehow improve their state. From the scarce number of jars and cans there were, at least half of them were already expired or not at all edible. What little food was left, it was just that. Little. 

Since day one you and Bucky tried to ration what was left, but even then the daily rations were too small. Normally, the lack of food wouldn’t have bothered you much. Though it wasn’t ideal, you could’ve hunted wild animals to survive. However, where you were stuck seemed to have little to no fauna. You only consoled yourself by reminding your panic stricken mind that if FRIDAY's calculations were true, you'd only have to for half a week more to get back home. 

If.

You didn't doubt Tony's creation, god you didn't at all. But your brain only conjured the worst case scenarios every time you thought about getting out of your predicament. 

You were soon put out of your misery as a pair of strong familiar hands closed around your waist from behind. The wall of Bucky's body pressed firmly against your back. His head dipped to place soft comforting kisses on the curve of your neck, his long locks ticking your skin as he did so. Leaning back against him, encompassing your arms around his own, bending your neck, you greedily took the calm and comfort his presence provided you. 

Oh what a pleasure it was for Bucky! To be able to hold you, cherish you in his arms as and when he desired too. He didn't need to restrain his a-little-too-friendly touches anymore, fearing you'd deem him too forward. He could kiss you sweetly and passionately to his heart's content - and receive the same from you.

A heaven, really.

Resting his head in the hollow of your shoulder, Bucky tightened his arms around you some more. He didn't like the thick heavy layers which were separating you from him. He much preferred feeling your skin against his, your warmth pressed into him without any barriers. If you needed anything thick and heavy, it should've been him covering your body like in the between the sheets that morning, or the night before.

Shaking his head mentally to clear off the creeping ideas, Bucky wondered since when he had become so possessive and territorial. But you were in his arms, safe and sound. It was all that mattered.

"Hey there, is something wrong?" he asked, remembering you seemed distressed a few seconds ago.

"It's-" you started, but stopped yourself before you could continue. Maybe you were worrying for nothing. Maybe all would turn out well and fine as FRIDAY had said. You didn't want to worry Bucky too with your panic laced thoughts. "It's nothing."

Even you could tell how unconvincing that sounded. Bucky furrowed his eyebrows, his voice taking a serious note, "You know you can talk to me, right, doll? You can tell me if something's worrying you."

You leaned into him more, thankful for his comforting presence behind you. "It's probably nothing, but…" And you proceeded to tell him all about all your worries.

Bucky turned you around, keeping his hands on the small of your back. Cradling your face in his metal palm, he said, "It's gonna be alright. Don't worry about it. Everything's gonna be fine."

You were about to say something, but he continued, "Even if things don't turn out as they're supposed to, we'll find another way. We'll work something out. We always do." Looking softly into your eyes, he added in a gentle voice, "I'll take care of you."

Smiling, you circled your arms around his torso and laid your head on his chest, "I know, me too." 

Bucky kissed your head before tucking your head under his chin, "I know you will."

Snuggling closer to the warmth he offered, you said, "It's just so fucking cold." 

"Well, I know of a few things that we could do to keep ourselves warm." 

Pulling back a little, you tilted your head up towards him, your mind thinking of one thing only to keep yourselves 'warm', "You are one insatiable man, Bucky. And I'm loving it."

Bucky looked at you amusingly, his sugary sweet smile replaced by a smug one. Bucky lowly spoke in your ear, "As much as I'd like to undress you and take you apart by my fingers right here, right now, again," Your cheeks flushed as you remembered the fun you'd had that morning right after your supposed breakfast, "I didn't mean that." 

Looking at your confused face, totally not admiring how cute you looked, he continued, "I meant we could spar. It's been a while, you know?"

Cheeks still tinged with your blush for taking his words in a completely different way, you nodded your agreement and moved to the living room. The couch was already moved towards the fireplace, leaving which there really wasn't much furniture to move around to get some open space in the middle. Shrugging off a few layers, you stretched - Bucky totally didn't ogle at your ass while you did so, and started sparring with him.

The atmosphere was light and fun like it had always been with the two of you. Kicks and punches were thrown and dodged, different techniques were applied and rendered useless as each tried to out do the other. The offences were serious though, just enough to tease and enjoy the physical back and forth. After a while of dancing around each other with hits and jabs, it finally looked like one had attained the top hand.

Bucky had your head in a lock with an arm circled around your neck and another across your waist, keeping you immobilised. Though it didn't sound bad. On the contrary, you very much liked the position he had trapped you in.

"What're you gonna do now, Y/N?"

If only he knew. 

Biting your lips, you started wiggling your hips in front of his crotch, pushing your behind back and lightly twerking your hips as best as you could. Bucky wasn't hard then, but you knew if you continued like this it wouldn't take much time.

Catching onto your play, Bucky chuckled, "Oh, that's playing unfair, doll."

"Are you telling me you don't like it?" You asked with a smug smile.

"Quite far from it, baby. I love what you're doing to me." He quickly turned you around without letting you leave his grasp and swiped your leg from under you, letting you fall on the rug below - but gently, of course. "But I won't let you win because of that." He trapped you underneath him by sitting atop your torso, his weight managed on his legs while one arm pinned both your wrists above your head.

Just what you had been waiting for. Jerking your wrists and breaking your hands out of his hold, you grabbed his collar before using his weight against him, throwing him to his side. It didn't take you long to mount him just as he had mounted you before. You didn't pin his hands though, opting to lean forward and run a finger down the side of his face instead, "You sure about that, Mister?"

Flipping you on your back again, quite easily since you didn't restrain him - not that you were trying to, he took the upper hand again and fixed you under his weight. "Quite sure about that."

"Oh, just come here," Smiling unabashedly, you pulled yourself up to sit  on your hips. Your arms curled around his neck as you kissed his full lips lovingly. Though short lived, Bucky enjoyed the kiss thoroughly before he stood up, pulling you up along with him. 

Bucky was walking backwards, you hand clasped in his, dragging you to the couch for an afternoon of cuddling. When his leg hit the corner of the couch at an awfully bad angle, he realised too late he had miscalculated the distance to the couch as he tumbled to the ground with a thump and groan, his eyes contracting in pain.

"Bucky," you shrieked, eyes widening as you saw his descent. Rushing to him, you quickly knelt by his side and raised his head to your lap. "Shit, you alright?" You stroked head gently, looking for any injuries. You'd admit later you were a little too worried.

"Yeah, I'm okay," Buck muttered, "Just didn't expect that."

Suddenly he heard laughter from his side. Peeking open his eyes, he looked at you laughing hysterically. Confusion crept on his face, unsure whether you were trying to take care of him or make fun of him.

"What? What is it?"

In between laughs, you panted as you said, "The Winter Soldier, the White Wolf, one of the most skilled men to walk on this planet, undefeated by an Avenger but defeated by a rusty old couch."

As Bucky heard the irony roll off your tongue, he couldn't help but chuckle alongside too. That, however, wasn't long lived as he was once again enraptured by your beauty. The grin stayed on his lips, but for a different reason then.

Your eyes crinkled beautifully in mirth as the harmonious sound of your laugh filled the air. You were clearly enjoying yourself, while he was enjoying watching you being happy his heart thumping wildly. Looking at you in that moment, Bucky knew he'd do anything humanly possible to keep that radiant smile on your face.

Man, he really had fallen hard for you.

The divider is made by @writeyourmindaway​ 

Chapter 8 

Blog’s Main Masterlist || Taglists

Thank you for reading!

[aethuviel]

Now it’s a year to the day since I first found Gelebor in Darkfall Cave (I know, I’m late, got Skyrim in December 2015 and Dawnguard in 2020), and oh my.

I did know about him before, but used to stick my fingers in my ears and go *LALALALALA* every time Snow Elves came up, because spoilers.

All I knew about the Dawnguard questline was bla bla vampires bla bla go find Auri-El’s bow bla bla Snow Elves bla bla oh one of them is named Knight-Paladin Gelebor (and he has fluffy hair). That was it.

He was actually half the reason I purchased Dawnguard in the end. One, so many mods require DG, two, I wanted to meet the Snow Elf/ves. (I didn’t know if there were more. Some screenshots online may have confused me into thinking there were three; Gelebor and two allies, but I did not know about Vyrthur.)

I was surprised when I found him so quickly in the cave, and in the meeting (which I recorded in a screenshot video), I had to stop and take a break like “okay, breathe” while walking up because I had waited so long for this. XD

I went on his quest and finished it the next day, and my gods, I had never been so awed by a game before. Not because the writing is so amazing (it isn’t), but because of the Vale, what we learned of the Snow Elves, and Gelebor.

What to say? His story, his optimism, his kindness and politeness, his goshdamn sexy voice (no but seriously, what I wrote in my notes a few days later was that I could have him read intricate mudcrab anatomy to me for ten hours and I would listen to it all).

When I posted my drawing a few weeks later, I said I never had any real favorite characters in games before, even in Skyrim (though to be frank I play very few games that have characters), but Gelebor was so sweet, polite, regal and charming, he gets all top 10 spots.

I have to wonder how he managed to charm his way into so many people in only some ten minutes of actual “screentime”.

I have had two characters previously that I really got deep into, in my own life, so to say. They were Anakin (Skywalker) in my Star Wars phase of 2005-2018, and Qualin, my Dunmer I was playing late 2019-early 2021 (and will probably start over from scratch again). They are both rather... negative personalities.

If you’re not into Star Wars, I can just say Anakin is a lovable mess of anger issues, anxiety, angst, pride, confusion, and not a little sass. Qualin is entirely my character, but in general, he ended up being the Choleric-Melancholic temperament type, and “true neutral” alignment (meaning neither chaotic nor lawful, neither truly good nor truly evil), with a dark past (and dark future), based a lot on myself (but altered to fit a 79 year old male Dunmer assassin).

So I had these two rather negative personalities to wallow in and absorb. Now instead, I found Gelebor, who is the complete opposite of all that.

I’m going to sound like a total fangirl now (because I absolutely am not, obviously), but he is light, he is compassion, he is kindness, purity, peace, and optimism.

From my notes a year ago, translated:

I extrapolate a great deal in the story I am working on, but from what I’ve seen, he is (of course) enormously old (4000+ years), extremely religious (he lives only for his god), peaceful, calm, and with a good attitude - I imagine him with a constant smile on his lips, who has found peace with the horrible fate his people faced, he has found peace with all the evil he has seen and been victim of, he has found peace with being possibly the last of his kind, or he would have been driven completely mad from hate and grief over the millennia. I imagine him as tranquility itself, who smiles a lot, especially when he has company (he is friendly and helpful to everyone he meets and the game mechanics were made so that he was impossible to provoke), but who is also dignified and difficult to tempt to laughter.

Very, very different from me, as well. I am chaotic, full of humor, rough language and undignified behaviors (not by modern standards, but by those standards...), with a history of depression and outbursts.

I may be spilling too much, but when I started last year to imagine his backstory and (more important) future, I found myself stopping what I was doing at random times, standing still a lot with a smile that went all the way up to my eyes, almost constantly. That is what I do when I absorb him.

“What would Gelebor do?” is a good saying to take along.

Yes, I am absolutely putting him on a pedestal.

I keep writing on his future- and backstory, more or less fleshed out (sometimes full scenes and dialogue, sometimes only summaries), but it’s my headcanon up until his death.

Credit and source, big image Credit and source, middle in far right row The middle screenshot is not mine, can’t find the source but anyway, it’s a screenshot. :p Sorry for borrowing art but they’re so awesome and such beautiful representations of Gelebor that I couldn’t help it.

[marvelfansince08love]

Three’s company

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff, Natasha Romanoff x female!Reader 

Word count: God knows like 4000

Warning: NSFW 18+ lots of smut, read at your own risk. Really bad smut writing. 

Prompt 14, 30:  “If this is your attempt at pushing me away, it won’t work” “Come on now dear, Let’s not torture her any longer” - Poly 

A/N: For Vee, I love you and I hope you enjoy! I’ve scrapped this about six times and I still have a love/hate relationship with it. Also feel honoured because this is my first smut fic ever never mind Poly, please be gentle with me lmao. 😂

Thank you @lesbian-deadpool for reading over this and giving me your seal of approval, you the best sister in law ever. What would my gal do without you @missmonsters2 lol 😂x

Tags: @imnotasuperhero @j-does-life @the-enamorando-deity​ 

I do not own these gifs!🖤

Prompts 14, 30 

Have you ever been in love?

 Have you ever been in love with two people at once? Or better yet, in love with two people who are also in an established relationship.

 Because I have.

 I continue to you scribble my thoughts onto the blank page of my diary needing to express my thoughts and feelings somewhere, like a dirty little secret.

 A loud knock at my bedroom door interrupts my train of thought as I quickly close my secrets away and scramble to hide it in my desk draw. I turn around to see blonde hair and blue eyes peeking through the gap of the door.

 "Hey Y/N just letting you know movie night is starting in half an hour and I don't want another excuse as to why you can't come. You've been locked up in your room almost the entire week. We're worried." Steve asks warmly, ever the mother hen of the group.

 "I'm fine Steve I've just been busy with mission reports and making sure the new shield recruits are settling in. You know how daunting it can be, especially when Sam, Clint and Bucky think it's funny to mess with them on their first week. I promise I'll come down" I reassure him, and he almost believes me.

 "Okay I'll bite but just know I'm here if you wanna talk about it. I haven't mentioned it to them that I saw you sneaking out of their room last week" he says sympathetically.

 That's when this whole thing started. Once I became a regular member of the Avengers initiative, it meant spending a lot of time with the team. Nat and Wanda had welcomed me with open arms being the only two regular females of the group. It started off with small subtle brushes of their fingers against my hand when they walked pass or passing things to each other in the kitchen, their fingertips just lingering a little longer. Of course, every time this would happen I would be a blundering mess but they seemed unfazed by the waves of electricity between us every time, until those subtle hints turned a little more bolder.

 Three weeks ago

 Walking through the private area of the compound, I rub my tried eyes and roll my shoulders trying to ease the tension in my muscles. I shuffle towards the living room area hoping to catch up on some reading needing some peace. The open windows and the dark grey Italia corner sofa that faces it gives a lovely view of the trees and forest life that surrounds the hidden compound. In my dazed, tired state I failed to notice the fiery red head sitting lazily on the sofa a Russian novel in hand with a devilish smirk.

 "Hey Y/N how was training the newbies?"

 I gasp lightly and quickly turn around to face her, my hand hovering over my chest as I clutch my favourite book in the other.

 "Jeez Nat, you could warn a woman!"

She laughs quietly.

 "You're an avenger Myshka, your eyes should always be open to any possible thing" the words slow and clear, her voice deep laced with flirtation.

 I gulp slightly, blushing at the Russian term that I’m always referred to as but never know what it means. I drop my gaze no longer able to look into those green eyes that hold such heat.

 "Yeah well I've just spent the last five hours training dumbass's who can't tell the difference between a Fixation Bowie and a SoG Seal Knife, so give me a break" I grumbled, feeling slightly irritated suddenly.

 Maybe because she keeps flirting with you and she has a girlfriend.

 Nat frowns lightly before sitting up her legs tucked underneath her making available space on the sofa next to her, she pats the space indicating for me to sit with her. I pause for a minute debating whether that would be safe for me to do so, I scan her face and land my eyes onto her perfect full lips stained with red lipstick.

 Maybe this isn't such a good idea, I could always read in my room.

 But she looks so good sitting there and she smells divine.

 The latter thought wins as I tentatively make my way over to her and take a seat, leaving a good gap between us. Nat smiles softly before turning back to her book, making me relax a little.

 After a few minutes of us both reading in silence, I feel Nat shift slightly trying to get comfortable. Unfolding her legs from under her she slowly stretches them out over my lap and sighs content with her new position. I tense and look over to her waiting for her to say something, but her head is buried back into her book.

 It's okay, you guys are friends. This is what friends do.

 Nat shuffles around again before huffing, clearly not comfortable. I can feel her gaze on me from the corner of my eye.

 "Myshka, can I lean against you? The corner of this sofa is killing my back and you seem far too comfy" she whines lightly, pouting those cherry red lips. My eyes instantly fall to them again before quickly looking back to her eyes, a glint of knowing lingers slightly in those pretty greens.

 She caught you.

 "Oh..um yeah sure Natasha" she moves like lightening and curls up into my side, her head leaning against my shoulder, legs draped over me. My eyes widen in fear at the sudden closeness between us and the creaking sound of the floorboards by the doorway announcing another presence.

 "Well don't my two favourite girls look comfortable hmm? Mind if I join?" I continue to tense up, eyes moving back and forth between the two of them trying to gauge their reaction, but Nat seems indifferent as she continues to stay close to me still emerged in her book. Wanda makes her way around the room, I'm shocked to see that instead of sitting next to Natasha she stands closely behind us, her hands rest on either side of my shoulders, her thumbs move back and forth along my exposed shoulders as she leans in and whispers "you seem tense fényem (my light), you need to relax. Is Steve giving you a hard time with the new recruits? I'll have a word" her breath softly brushing against my sensitive skin making me shiver.

 I shake my head unable to find the words to speak. Wanda hums quietly before releasing her hold on me and moving towards Natasha before letting her lips meet hers in a heated kiss. I try to avert my eyes but it's too late, Nat looks straight at me and winks subtly before going back to her book as Wanda walks away asking if we would like a drink. I shake my head in decline before making up an excuse and sprinting out of there.

 Whatever game their playing, I don't want any part of it...

 Or maybe I do.

 End of flashback

 A week later the flirting and teasing had gotten more bolder as the days passed. I found myself being left alone with one of them or both way too often for it to be a convenience. At the end of that week, it was team bonding night in the games room, drinks were poured and before I had time to blink, I could feel soft warm skin against my lips while two pairs of red lips and hands trail along my naked back and shoulders, limbs tangled up in silk sheets.

 I woke up in a haze just as the sun met the earth in the distant horizon and vanished out of their room. Leaving an empty gap between them, making my heart shatter. The knocking on my door and the empty threats to come into my room if I didn't speak to them became less and less as the week went on, as if giving up on any attempts to see me.

 I'm shaken out of my thoughts by two large gentle hands cupping my shoulders; Steve stares at me with concern.

 "Come on let's just go down and get the food ready for the movie, okay? You can sit with me if you like, you don't have to talk to them" I nod my head in agreement to his proposition.

 "Is there any specific snacks you would like?"

 I smirk at that slightly before replying:

 "Do we have the big bag of Doritos, Dorito?" Steve rolls his eyes and groans in annoyance.

 "Can you and Tony stop it with the Dorito thing? it was one commercial and the money went to a good cause" he moans grumpily before leaving the room and heading back towards the kitchen for the movie night snacks.

 I chuckle softly before gathering my thoughts.

 Maybe I could make another excuse up for not going.

 Knowing I don’t stand a chance against a stubborn Super Soldier I make my way out off my safe space and into the unknown.

  Upon arriving in the dimly lit room I scan for a vacant double seat to settle into for the evening, my eyes fall upon the very two people who have been taken over my thoughts and the pages in my diary for last two months; Natasha Romanoff and Wanda Maximoff.

 Wanda sits comfortably on Natasha's lap her head tilted upward as Nat whispers softly to her while brushing her thumb over Wanda's bare calf making her giggle quietly.

 My thoughts overtake me as I think about her thumb brushing against my bare thigh while Wanda whispers sweet nothings into my ear, just like that night...

 As if sensing my presence, they both turn and face me, a soft smile playing on both of their lips.

 "Hey kotenok, where have you been all week? We've missed you" Nat speaks quietly laced with worry. Wanda's furrowed brow also indicating her agreement.

 I blush slightly and clear my dry throat suddenly aware of my daydreaming.

 "Sorry...I.. um I had a few mission reports that needed finishing and didn't realise the time. I could do without Steve chewing my ass about neglecting my responsibilities outside of missions" I say impersonating my best Steve Rogers voice, which causing Nat to smirk slightly; amusement in her eyes while Wanda giggles her eyes looking over my shoulder.

 "You know Y/N if you actually did do the reports on time, I wouldn't have to keep lecturing you" a deep authority voice says behind me while dangling a bag of Doritos in front of my face. I roll my eyes in good nature before grabbing the offered snack and moving to sit in the empty loveseat by the two women.

 "You know there is space on this love machi- I mean love-seat Y/N, all you gotta do is ask" Sam teases a few rows down and winking cheekily, a pillow hits him around the back of the head by Bucky who's sat beside him.

 "Please she's way out of your league, fake bird" they both continue to bicker back and forth as I settle onto my own love-seat, wrapping the blanket around me and sighing at the warm feeling surrounding me as I sink into it further.

 "Sam's right though Y/N, you don't have to sit by yourself. Come sit with me and Nat there's plenty of room here" Wanda whispers leaning over towards me so no one else can hear, her eyes filled with attentiveness. I gulp and avert my eyes away from her emerald gaze as I pull slightly at the blanket as if trying to form a protective barrier around myself, away from her gaze and the heat behind them.

 "Oh um I'm okay I'll stay here. Thank you though" I stutter over my words while trying to build up enough courage to look into her eyes, to show her I'm not affected by the idea of being so close to them both.

 "Oh okay.. well if you do get a bit lonely over here, just know the offer is there Myshka" her eyes filled with slight disappointment but doesn't push the offer further and settles back into Natasha. I feel Nat's heated gaze upon me as I try and stay focused on the starting credits of Clint's choice of film.

 Halfway through the movie, I can feel my eyelids growing heavy and my vision blurring. Unable to fight the dreamworld any longer I slowly let myself fall into a deep slumber.

 "She's so cute when she sleeps, so peaceful"

 "Can you imagine how good she would be for us Wanda, how amazing all three of us could be?"

 "Nat! This isn't the time; you know the last time we did that with her she pushed us away. Why won't she just talk to us? If she had just stuck around long enou-"

 The voices in the room suddenly stop as I feel myself awakening from my deep slumber, I tense slightly suddenly aware that I'm not alone in the room and not in the comfort of the cinema loveseat but in a soft bed that smells just like...

 "Hey sleepyhead, look who's finally decided to join the land of the living" Nat murmurs while brushing a stray piece of hair out of my face and behind my ear, I shiver slightly at her touch before scurrying into an upright position, aware that I'm currently not in my own bedroom but in theirs.

 "How long was I sleeping for?"

 "Only about two hours, we thought it would be best to bring you in here since we need to talk"

I gulp slightly at that.

 "Um.. to talk? Could we do this another time? I'm pretty beat from all that writing and working with the recruits, I just want my bed" I try to reason with them but they both fix me with a "don't even try it" look before sitting on either side of me. Wanda grabs hold of my hand and turns my palm upward, she traces her finger around my palm and slowly lifts her eyes to look at me.

 "Please Y/N, talk to us. We've been trying to see you all week, but you seem to be avoiding us and Nat doesn't take to well to being ignored" she smirks mischievously at mentioning her girlfriend, who seems to be remaining quiet throughout the exchange.

 I look over towards Nat only now taking in how quiet she's been throughout this whole exchange even in the cinema room she spoke less to me than ever before. Her eyes drop down, looking at the silk sheet as her hand brushes softly against along it, her head tilted slightly as if reminiscing.

 "We may have gone about it the wrong way myshka, but we care about you.. a lot actually and more than just friends. We can't stop thinking about you but avoiding us after leaving like that... if this is your attempt at pushing us away, it won't work. We...I felt it that night, the way you clung to me as I brought you close to the edge, the softness in your eyes when Wanda held you close afterwards... tell me you don't feel the same way"

  I sit gaping at her, lost for words. I feel Wanda's hand squeeze mine gently, comforting me and encouraging me to respond. She leans forward and brushing my hair behind me ear before cupping my face with her hand, her thumb brushing away at the absent small tear on my cheek.

 "Shhh lyubov moya, we know, or did you forget that I can read minds" she teases gently trying to ease the tension. She brings her lips to the side of my head and lets them brush gently against my temple before trailing them down to my cheek, leaving small trails of soft kisses. Her lips reach near my mouth before pulling away slightly:

 "If you don't want this Y/N we completely understand, just say the words and we'll leave you alone and let you move on-" before she could finish, I lean forward and capture her lips with mine.

 "I want this, I've wanted this for a while" before continuing to peck her lips repeatedly. I see Nat from the corner of my eye stand quietly before moving to sit in the armchair opposite the bed watching intently as Wanda pushes me gently so I'm lying flat on my back.

 She continues to straddle my waist and slowly unbuttoned my shirt before pulling it apart exposing my bare chest, the cool air hitting my breast making them harden instantly. Wanda hums in delight at the sight, her eyes darkening with a glint of red spiralling underneath her natural colour. She leans her head down towards my neck letting her nose brush lightly down the valley on my breasts barely touching my skin, her eyes lock with mine before looking over her shoulder at Nat who is now undressed from the waist down with the smallest pair of white panties on that barely cover her assets; a dark wet spot appearing indicating to her arousal, as she keeps her legs spread for us to see her hand trails slowly south towards her heat.

 "Mmm someone seems to be enjoying our performance, little one. Shall we give her more?" Her hands grip my shorts before pulling them down and letting them drop to the floor before leaving wet kisses from my ankle to inner thigh, tongue swirling and nibbling softly right near my core. I shiver and arch my back basking in the overwhelming feeling of her. She continues to tease me, brushing her nose against my panties before pulling away. I hear the floorboards creak quietly making Nat's movements known, I watch her as she stalks over towards us like a predator after its prey. She squats down so she's eye level with me her fingers grip my chin, making me turn my head to the side: facing her.

 "Such a pretty little thing, it would be a shame to put those luscious lips to waste, don't you agree Wanda?" She mocks, her question for the woman between my legs but her eyes stay locked with mine, darker with a glint of mischief.

 She moves forward and presses her lips to mine, trailing her tongue along my bottom lip making me gasp. Her tongue battles with my own before I take a hold of her bottom lip between my teeth and tug at it making her moan deep. I shiver slightly and turn my eyes downward towards Wanda who now has my panties in between her teeth as she drags them down slowly almost agonisingly slow her eyes locking with mine. Nat's attention now on my neck sucking gently.

 "Oh god"

 As soon as she's disposed of my panties her mouth is on me instantly, lapping her tongue over and over again, swirling around my folds before taking my clit into her mouth and sucking hard, making me moan out load.

 "She's so wet for us Nat, god I almost forgot how good she tasted"

 Nat chuckles softly before removing her panties giving me a great view of her pussy. I lick my lips in anticipation, excited at the thought of having Nat above me with my tongue inside of her. She smirks knowingly before slowly removing her tank top, showing her full breasts and climbing expertly above me so she's facing Wanda her pussy directly in view, dripping wet. I tilt my chin up trying to take a taste, but she hovers higher up away from me making me whine. I'm stopped from reaching any further by Wanda's hand grasping my breast her fingers twisting my nipple slightly as her tongue enters me, making me cry out.

 My cries are quickly stop by Nat, who lowers herself enough to let me taste her. I moan at how wet she is...how wet she is for us. The room is filled with low moans and desperate cries of passion as I continue to swirl my tongue around her entrance, Wanda brings her thumb up to my clit and rubs hard circles around the sensitive area making me pull away from Nat slightly, hips bucking wanting more of her.

 "Please Wanda, I need you inside me" I say desperately. She chuckles quietly before leaving my heated area and making her way up to my chest taking a nipple into her mouth and releasing it with a soft pop.

 “Come on now, dear. Let’s not torture her any longer” Nat teases from above me her voice breathless.

 "I got something much more pleasurable" she smiles wickedly, I watch in astonishment as her eyes turn a blood red but before I could question, I feel a strong wave of pleasure hit my core, Nat and I moaning out in unison.

 "Y/N if you don't put that fucking tongue back where it belongs, I'm gonna fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk for a week" Nat grumbles through her moans caused by Wanda's magic. I quickly tilt my chin up and plunge my tongue deep into her entrance. My hand desperately reaching for Wanda's pulling her closer. The waves of sensation hitting one after the other, faint sparks of red surrounds us. I feel Nat tense above me, bringing my hand up I gently rub at her clit, bringing her close to orgasm. She cries out before relaxing above me; I lap her up, taking every last drop of her orgasm.

 "Wanda you still have too many clothes on" I whine trying to blindly remove her clothes. I feel Nat move from above me and towards Wanda while she continues to tease up and down my body.

 "Y/N is right malen'kaya ved'ma (little witch), you are wearing far too many clothes" she says before gliding Wanda's long skirt and panties over her ass and dropping them in a heap on the floor, while she continues to kneel between my legs. I feel Wanda's hot breath hit my core as she gasps at the cool air hitting her warm skin. Her eyes glow a brighter red as Nat traces her finger up and down her folds before finding her entrance and quickening her pace, she leans her body over Wanda, so her lips are close to her ear as they both stare at me.

 "Hasn't she been good for us Wanda? I think she deserves an award" Nat whispers voice laced with lust slightly breathless.

 That familiar wave of electricity hits through my body to my core making me gasp as Wanda projects her pleasure to me. Being able to be in sync with her body and its reactions to pleasure, mixed with my own need for release, throws me over the edge as I feel the knot in my core relax making me slump against the pillow, Wanda not far behind. She collapses gently on top of me, her head resting against my chest listening to my rapid heartbeat start to slow. Nat moves around the side of the bed grabbing a throw over from the back of the armchair and covering us all up before curling into my side, kissing the top of Wanda's head and my cheek.

 "Does this mean you'll consider being with us Y/N, not just the sex but everything else that comes with it" Nat asks almost tentatively, scared of what I might say.

 "You guys had me the moment I laid eyes on you"

[autisticshadowthehedgehog]

Filmverse!Knuckles is gonna be Tikal’s Little Brother and if he’s not I’m suing Sega

[ID: Two images; one of clipart of Knuckles the Echidna beside a poster for Sonic the Hedgehog (2020), and another from Sonic X of Knuckles and Tikal together while Tikal is injured. End ID.] 

Thankfully, this might be shorter than my last couple theory posts but unfortunately I am possibly more passionate about it because this could conceivably happen and if it doesn’t I don’t know what I’m gonna do. 

So in this theory, I will endeavor to prove these points:

Knuckles will very soon be present in the filmverse. 

In the Filmverse, Pachacamac (and by extention, Tikal) are no longer four-thousand years gone, but exist at the same time as Sonic.

Knuckles is going to be in this clan not just as any member, but as Tikal’s brother. 

We’re going off the rails and I’m going to tie this all in to the Chaos Emerald Filmverse theory. 

Who’s ready to go? Everything under the cut. 

1. Knuckles is Coming #2k22

[ID: Another edited photo, placing clipart of Knuckles beside a promotional photo for Sonic the Hedgehog (2020). End ID.] 

This will probably be a short section but... there’s no way Knuckles won’t be in the filmverse very soon. Likely, in the second fucking movie. 

Let’s start with the basics: Knuckles was originally going to be in the first movie, but was cut in order to better establish the Sonic vs Robotnik rivalry. Director Jeff Fowler made the following statement: 

“For this first film, we really were just looking at the 1991 game and just see where it all started and keep it simple…Just really try to nail Sonic and Robotnik and just set up their rivalry because you don’t…I mean, I love…There’s a lot of great characters in Sonic universe, but it’s the most important thing is just to get Sonic set up and just tell a little bit of an origin story with him, and just do it in a way that really makes everyone fall in love with him as a character and just be rooting for more.

And then, if all that goes well, then we can kind of open it up and bring in some of these other characters that fans know and love. And yeah, I mean, no one’s more excited than me to have that opportunity.”

[x]

As well as this, co-writer for the film, Josh Miller, has stated he really wants to bring in Knux. 

“I will only hint that we wanna bring in some of the other characters from the games. But, really, it’s all about Knuckles’ love.” [x]

Second, voice actors have, reportedly, already been considered for Knuckles’s voice, including Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. [x, x]

And third, Mushroom Hill. 

[ID: Two photos; one of the Mushroom Planet from Sonic the Hedgehog (2020). The second is a screenshot from Sonic & Knuckles, where Knuckles is running through Mushroom Hill. Both photos feature gigantic mushrooms resembling trees and an orange tint. End iD.]

The “Mushroom Planet” is a direct reference to the first level of Sonic & Knuckles. The first level of.... the game with Knuckles’s name in it. 

So, you wanna hear something funny? What’s the first thing Knuckles does in the game timeline? 

[ID: Screenshot from Sonic & Knuckles. Sonic is standing on the left side of the screen, beneath a mural of something holding an emerald towards something that looks like SuperSonic. On the right side of the screen is Knuckles, ready to fight Sonic. End ID.]

Well... Robotnik shows up, convinces him that Sonic and Tails are gonna try to steal his emerald, and sends him off to fight them. 

And where’s Robotnik at the end of the 2020 film?

[ID: Robotnik on the Mushroom Planet in Sonic the Hedgehog (2020). End ID.]

While the Mushroom Planet may not be where Angel Island is in filmverse, the direct reference would definitely generate fan attention. And it implies that Robotnik, wherever he is or is going, is headed towards Knuckles. And with the game inciting incident of Robotnik having Knuckles fight Sonic for him... well, wouldn’t that be a wild introduction? Especially for casual fans who don’t have Sonic Lore memorized and may not know that Knuckles was originally an antagonist/rival to Sonic. 

Oh, and there’s one more piece of evidence that Knuckles is gonna show up... the fact that his tribe already has. 

And among them, by the way, are Pachacamac and Tikal. 

2. Pachacamac and Tikal are no longer 4000 years old

So. Let’s talk about the opening scene of Sonic the Hedgehog (2020). As many of you have probably noticed, Sonic and Longclaw are attacked not just by any masked intruders, but by... the Knuckles Clan of Echidnas. 

And we’re sure they’re not any other clan, because they have the trademark Knuckled Gloves. 

[ID: Multiple gifs of the echidnas attempt to attack Longclaw and Baby Sonic. They are dressed in vaguely tribal wear, and have gloves featuring pointed knuckles, signifying them as the Knuckles Clan. End ID.] 

Now, that’s not evidence of Pachacamac/Tikal itself; we know the Knuckles Clan lasted at least long enough to spawn our Knuckles. What is evidence, however, is in the specific Echidna who shot Longclaw. 

[ID: Gif of the Echidna who shot Longclaw, isolated in the frame. End ID.] 

Look familiar?

[ID: The echdina who shot Longclaw in the 2020 film next to a render of Pachacamac. The mystery echidna’s helmet has the same forehead markings as Pachacamac, along with a design that looks like his mustache. End ID.]

And fun fact: this isn’t me reaching for once. This was confirmed by Tyson Hesse, film character designer and savior of Sonic, on his twitter. 

[ID: Tweet from Tyson Hesse, showing the pictures of the Echidna and Pachacamac. He says, “Late to the #sonicwatchparty but this is an easter egg I haven’t seen many people catch.” End iD.]

Pachacamac is canonically in Sonic 2020. As director Jeff Fowler has said he believes Sonic as ~13 during the events of the film, we could say he’s about three years old in that intro. And we know this because it is specified specifically that the main timeline takes place ten years after the prologue. 

[ID: Screenshot from Sonic the Hedgehog (2020), the first shot following the logo. It is a landscape shot of a street in the middle of a green field, and the caption reads, Green Hills Montana: Ten Years Later. End ID.]

Meaning... Pachacamac was alive ten years before the film takes place. Quite the departure from the four-thousand year time jump in the gameverse. Seeing as Pachacamac is alive so close to this timeline, we can reasonably assume that Tikal is, too- she’s his teenaged daughter, canonically ~14 when she is turned into a spirit, which would put her as solidly alive during this timeline. 

...wanna know who else would be alive in this timeline? 

Knuckles, who is only a year older than Sonic. 

And, um, obviously a member of the Knuckles Clan. 

3. Where is Knuckles in this Filmverse Canon?

Okay “Knuckles” is going to stop sounding like a word so can we just call the Knuckles Clan the KC rn? okay? Okay. 

Knuckles is canonically a year older than Sonic- listed as 16 while Sonic is 15. So if Sonic’s alive, Knuckles is alive. Basic logic there. 

In the gameverse, Knuckles’s backstory is as thus, paraphrased from Sonic Wiki:

Knuckles was born and raised alone on Angel Island as the last surviving member of the Knuckles Clan, a long-lost race of echidnas devoted to protecting the Master Emerald from being abused. However, Knuckles’s own past was a mystery to him; he knew nothing how he came to be and believed himself to be the last of his kind entirely. The one thing he did know was that he had always been living on his island, protecting the Master Emerald. Knuckles knew from an innate knowledge that his duty was his fate, and he was content with that.

While we can’t expect his backstory to stay exactly the same, seeing as Sonic now has a dead owl mom and knows how to Fortnite dance, but Knuckles’s backstory does fuel a lot of his character and decisions in the games. Here are what I believe to be the two main points of this backstory:

Knuckles is, or at least believes himself to be, the last member of his race 

Knuckles considers it his sacred duty to guard the Master Emerald 

[ID: Screencap from Sonic X of Knuckles the Echidna holding the Master Emerald above his head. End ID.]

Now... if Sonic was three during that backstory, the KC was around at least when Knuckles was about four. Most children don’t develop long-term memories til then, but if 3yo Sonic could remember his backstory in Green Hills near-perfectly, then clearly mobians are a bit different. We can reasonably assume that Knuckles would then remember at least part of his tribe or family, so that’s a definite change. 

Thing is, what would be the reason for this change? Even ignoring Pachacamac, it was definitely intentional for the clan attacking Longclaw and Sonic to be the KC, which does change quite a bit of Knuckles’s backstory. Which isn’t a problem, you see- it’s a drastic change, but character changes aren’t bad if there’s a reason behind them. 

So what would be the reason for Knuckles having memories of his tribe? 

Well... how easy would it be, then, to get that Sonic Adventure flashback via Knuckles instead of a glowing ball of Tikal/Navi? 

[ID: Screencap from Sonic Adventure, showing Knuckles the Echidna staring down Chaos and the glowing ball of light that symbolizes Tikal. They are standing in front of the emerald shards. End ID.]

Would be an easy way to get any chaos emerald/Master Emerald exposition out of the way, as well as establish some basic and early Sonic Lore- Chaos, echidnas, chao. And if Knuckles, um, remembers his entire race being massacred by an elder god?? That would definitely affect him in a way that he’d consider protecting the Master Emerald, the controller of the power Chaos used to do such a thing, a duty for himself. 

And... what would be the best way to get that backstory out? 

4. Knuckles is Tikal’s Baby Brother

Here’s the thing- the KC citizens don’t seem to know much about what’s going on outside of Pachacamac’s orders. From talking to them in Sonic Adventure flashbacks, we can see they’re quite a bit... confused, I think is the best way to put it. 

[ID: Dialogue screenshots from Sonic Adventure that I had to nab from a Game Grumps video because nobody else had these online. The echidnas say, “The daughter? I saw her in front of the shrine.”, “Well... I.... I just can’t sit still!” and “I think, therefore I am.” End ID.]

So if Knuckles was just an ordinary tribe member, it’d be unlikely for him to know enough to provide the necessary flashback details. And if Knuckles’s past was changed in order to provide an easier connection to the SA lore, he’d need to be very near to the action. Of course, he could just be a curious child, but even then, he’d likely be left out of several conversations surrounding Tikal. 

Most of Tikal’s flashbacks are spent alone- she only has a few arguing with her father, but most of her scenes are spent with the Chao and Chaos themself in the Chao Garden. Considering Tikal seems to be the only echidna frequenting the Chao Garden- the chao are afraid of her when she first approaches, Pachacamac arriving is basically seen as a declaration of war- there’d be no reason for an echidna to be there unless she brought them herself. 

Who would she bring with her? Perhaps... her little brother. 

[ID: Screencap from Sonic X of Tikal, surrounded by flying Chao while at the Master Emerald Shrine. End ID.]

First off, let’s get over the age thing-- I know you’re gonna say “Knuckles is 16 when Tikal is 14,” HOWEVER, TIkal did not age while inside the Master Emerald. She could go in at any point in Knuckles’s life, which means she could be anywhere from ten years older than him to a twin sister to two years younger. 

There’s no real concrete evidence of how old Knuckles would be in filmverse when the SA events happen, seeing as we have only seen Pachacamac existing and have no idea where this is in his timeline. However, from a writing standpoint, if you want to keep a bit of Knuckles’s backstory of living alone for a good chunk of his life, I’d say the massacre happening when he was ~8 seems likely. Old enough to have clear memories of the SA events but young enough to have his life completely sidetracked and feel like he raised himself. 

It’d be very easy for the flashbacks to feature Tikal taking a baby Knuckles to the Chao Garden, just telling him “don’t tell Dad, he won’t understand,” to talk to him about the grandmother he doesn’t remember who used to teach peace, to explain Chaos and the Master Emerald to him. 

And it’d be very easy angst for Knuckles being dragged along with the rest of the clan to take the emerald(s), watch his father basically doom his sister and his tribe murder innocent chao, and then see everyone he’s ever known murdered by Chaos, with his older sister stopping the rampage only by sealing herself and the destructive god in that emerald, leaving Knuckles completely alone. That’s all severe angst that pretty much no writer would pass up. 

Especially because it means Knuckles guarding the Master Emerald has now turned into Knuckles guarding his sister. 

[ID: Sonic X screenshot of Knuckles and Tikal looking up, surrounded by fire. End ID.]

So that’s the general theory. But let’s talk about something more fun: how it all ties into the Chaos Emerald Filmverse Theory. 

5. It all ties into our Chaos Emerald theory shh 

If you haven’t read Cori’s manifesto on the Chaos Emerald Filmverse Theory, allow me to summarize: 

Sonic is definitely a living Chaos Emerald, meaning that there are six other living Chaos Emeralds running around that we’re gonna need to track down. At least one of them’s Tails. 

First thing’s first... Robotnik going after Knuckles then makes perfect sense. If Robotnik somehow figured out exactly what Sonic was, he’d want a way to dilute his power. And the Master Emerald literally nullifies the power of the chaos emeralds. So whoever has the Master Emerald can severely nerf Sonic. Imagine Sonic getting within the boundaries of the ME and then immediately losing speed and falling flat on his face. Big oof. 

Second, it’s possible that Knuckles will also know what Sonic is. Because, well... what was Pachacamac after in Sonic Adventure?

[ID: Pachacamac attempting to talk down Tikal, who is t-posing in front of the Chao Garden in attempt to keep them out. Behind him is an echidna army, ready to attack. Pachacamac is saying, “We need those seven emeralds to give us total power!” End ID.]

The Chaos Emeralds. In order to use their power as weapons. 

And what was he after in Sonic 2020? 

Sonic. 

Interesting, huh.

Conclusion

Knuckles is gonna be the last member of the Knuckles Clan, guarding his older sister’s spirit inside an insanely powerful emerald, and will definitely be manipulated by Robotnik into using his Master Emerald to fuck up Sonic. 

And it’ll be really awesome. 

[ID: Sonic X screencap of Knuckles giving a thumbs up. End ID.]

[rigelmejo]

march - just some thoughts

i have read more this month than any other month? and its not slowing down its only 3/12 so i have 2/3 of a month to go and i’ve read 26 chapters. even if these chapters are ‘short’ at 10 pages, if i wanna count by ‘20 page’ chunks i’ve still read 13 chunks so far. and i’ve still got more time in the month left. most other months i’ve managed to read ‘a lot’ i read 10-20 chapters. so i’m doing really good.

grammar is a weird thing? in reading i feel like its quite easy now to understand. when listening or watching - same. and yet if asked ‘why do i say/type X’ or ‘why is it written/spoken like X’ i have absolutely no explanation in my head. i could not explain the grammar if prompted. this puts me in a weird place and i feel like i SHOULD go over a grammar guide again just so i can WORD what i’m intuitively understanding.

this is a bit bizarre to me because within the first 6 months of study i DID read through an entire grammar guide just to get an idea of what i was about to look at, and it hardly made sense once actually reading/watching/listening. i understood the guide fine, but actually Seeing chinese i was still confused. i would reference AllSetLearning’s Chinese Wiki on some basic points, then after 6 months i just stopped. now its been what 1.5 years and - reading is so easy, listening is so easy, grammar wise. none of the grammar confuses me. but i no longer ‘explicitly’ have any idea what the fuck the grammar is. i used to. i studied it explicitly before trying to read/listen. and yet now that i can read/listen, i have no idea how to explain the grammar. i can listen to a podcast and i don’t think about what the grammar is i just get it. i read and just know what i’m looking at. its like english - i cannot fucking explain it. Which makes speaking/writing a bit hard. Because when i try to check if i’m right i have no fucking clue HOW anymore - i just say/write what comes to mind and HOPE it makes sense. i have no way to conciously check for errors except ‘does this feel right’? And that’s not good enough for me lol. So I definitely do need to eventually read a grammar guide for explicit explanations again.

Technically I think “English and Chinese Grammar Side By Side” grammar book would be an excellent one to use. Because i read the first 50 pages of it and it compared it to english (so it explained english too), and it was very easy to understand and started basic then got more involved. 

I’m probably gonna use my very old Chinese Grammar Self Taught by Thimm book instead. Just because I really like that book. Then I guess use another after (probably Basic Chinese Sentence Patterns since its modern and perfect for ‘catch your own mistakes’ study and much shorter than Eng+Chinese Grammar side by side). 

Anyway I’m in a very weird place right now lol. I know i’m understanding grammar that is stuff I never even studied initially in the grammar guide, but unable to explain what it is, and a lot of stuff i did explicitly study in a grammar guide i completely forgot the explanation for. My reading and listening is GREAT, because all my effort only has to go into learning new words lately! its relaxing! Its the only part i need to do! But my writing/speaking i am very concerned about because being able to check myself for mistakes is something i’d like the ability to do.

how grammar is presented really makes a difference in how well i get it. there is some serious benefit to ‘show simple first then build up what you know’ that text books tend to prefer. versus like grammar reference books that may start with some in depth stuff.

i tried to read a japanese grammar guide the other day and 1 it was great but 2 it covered some ADVANCED stuff i never learned in genki 1+2, and so it was Explicit grammar description of stuff i had literally years ago been immersing in japanese and Still not conciously known about. So i felt. Overwhelmed lol. I felt so confused. I feel like I might switch to Tae Kim’s grammar guide primarily just because its structured with basics covered first. and i feel like until the basics are again glued into my brain, seeing even more advanced stuff just confused me so much i had no idea how to remember it. which is funny because? my usual strategy with grammar guides is to just read it and let what sticks stick and what is confusing be moved on from, in the hope i will later see it again and understand it better. so like based on what i usually do i should’ve just been able to read through it (and i’m gonna try anyway lol). but truly japanese grammar just... my mind does not like wrapping around it and remembering it. (chinese grammar is so much easier for me... so much easier....;-; )

i have been tempted to just Restart Nukemarine’s LLJ (Lets Learn Japanese) memrise decks, because I KNOW they worked for me last time really really well. And they include Tae Kim grammar lessons. And I know if i did it then maybe i’d get back to where i was years ago pretty fast.

I tried Earthlingo app. Its a cool idea, I don’t think its worth it though unless you planned to get Rosetta Stone (since Earthlingo is FREE). Earthlingo features 1000 words per language, taught to you by exploring video game worlds as an alien. Its a cool concept, but since all words seem to be nouns then you aren’t even learning the most common verbs/adjectives. And 1000 words is not a lot. And you could learn 1000 quite fast if using srs flashcards like Memrise or Anki (think weeks if you push yourself, and a month or two months if going at a regular pace). Earthlingo you have to slowly explore the worlds so that eats time, you have to choose to test yourself (so you don’t review nearly as often as flashcard apps), and one test includes walking around the world clicking the object which you’re given the word for (takes time to find the right object). All this means a word that might take maybe 15 minutes to study over a few weeks, might instead take much longer to study and learn. I don’t use duolingo because it generally covers so few words (usually 2000-4000 i think which is good for a beginner resource but you have to do the WHOLE course to get to all those words and i take so long on duolingo that could take YEARS for me versus a month on a flashcard app or clozemaster). Duolingo I also don’t use because it very slowly paces learning material (it takes me months/years to get through 1000 words on duolingo - just personally i go so slow on it, i think faster people would find a use for it). Likewise Lingodeer takes me AGES to get through (and i think covers 2000 words nowadays? I’m shocked Duolingo has more words for the japanese course tbh). However, Lingodeer is by far the best ‘app’ for Japanese grammar lessons in app practice form. Even if basically all the apps feel pretty slow to me in how fast they give you new info. Earthlingo is cool that its free, and for learners 12 and under i think it would be super useful as a way to engage them and keep them studying (since what child likes flashcards? whereas as a child i would’ve loved this). But as an adult Earthlingo is sooooo slow on how fast you can learn words, and it does not even offer very many words (1000 is a nice bare minimum but without verbs/adjectives it can only be a supplementary learning tool for beginners at best).

Link about Lingodeer having 2000 words in a course. (Since its SO hard to lookup how much vocabulary lingodeer includes :c )

Nukemarine’s LLJ memrise decks (which I’m considering going through again but ToT agh flashcardssssss.... they sure do work though agh)

http://www.chinese-grammar.com/beginner/ - this is the site I read a chinese grammar guide on at like Month 3. I am rereading it now maybe it will help me remember wtf grammar explicitly is. ToT (A tip, read Beginner, Intermediate, Advanced sections). Last time I visited the site you just clicked a section, then saw each fully explained grammar point and clicked ‘next’ it was nice. Now its laid out a little less ideal for me, but its still got all the same nice info! (Also honestly if you are a beginner I really DO like this grammar guide... it introduces basic info first, gradually gets more complex, and i could follow its logic knowing like 200 hanzi and 100 words ToT. its very easy to understand even if it takes a while to apply that info).

im probably gonna read hanshe more today. i’m at the point where either i know enough vocab, or the writers style has just ‘clicked’ idk. but now i just am not getting bogged down by unknown words and am just. speeding through enjoying the plot. Also rip me this novel has 155 chapters and im only on chapter 30.

watching japanese lets plays is really fun! i feel like im 3 years old cause i just see nouns i can learn pretty easy in context cause i know the game well, and hear some vaguely familiar verbs, but its fun! also it helps i know kingdom hearts 2 like by heart so. a lot of it makes me instantly cheerful and nostalgic. roxas’s voice is so cute in the japanese version.

oh i almost forgot: I found a book recently for chinese that for it’s like 10 page grammar guide summary at the beginning ALONE i think is more than worth the 4 dollars it costs to get. It has a ton of compound words and its a reference book in mandarin and cantonese (it has pronunciation for both, all characters are in traditional). I got it initally because it as a bunch of compound words and I’d like to get better at knowing a lot of common ones. But the intro to the book has a page explaining sentence structures in chinese, then examples. Its so straightforward and to the point. I love it. The book is “Understanding Chinese: A Guide to the Usage of Chinese Characters” by Rita Mei-Wah Choy. (There is also a companion book for individual hanzi, which is nice but this book specifically I’m finding more useful).

what i really like about Listening-Reading method, and reading, as study activities: no matter how I do them it is only improvement. I have a tendency to ‘redo’ material i don’t feel i fully mastered, or refuse to move on. So when i have duolingo, flashcards (sometimes i can move on if i ignore reviews/make myself do new stuff), books, grammar guides, self guided classes - i have a tendency to redo the material. over and over. and not progress and challenge myself. whereas with reading - every time i look up a word its useful because its new or something i clearly Need to review (not something i’ve actually learned and can move past reviewing). so whether i reread material or read new stuff, as long as i run into things i find somewhat challenging (feel the desire to word look up), i know i am running into new material i can learn. Same with listening-reading method: whether i finish a book or just skip to random books, any new chapter i do will give me new words to learn/remember (until i’ve reached a point of perfect listening comprehension which is a WAYS away). There’s no way for me to mess it up. I can give up a book im bored with, i don’t have to stick to one resource to the end. 

someone tell me why professionally made chinese audio books almost NEVER line up to the chapters???? whyyyyy ;-;

Even More Notes lol:

So I read so much in Pleco, which auto pronounces, I have COMPLETELY forgot. 得 地 - for these two, when they’re attached after a description like 淡淡 慢慢 高兴 etc, when are they pronounced di versus de???? i’m pretty sure  得 is pronounced de when its an adjective like ‘-ly’. but for  地, i don’t remember if when part of a describer if its pronounced di or de????

[laws-yellow-submarine]

Together With Fruit Ch. 9 (Snippet)

Omgomgomg I actually finished something omg

Obviously this is not the full chapter, but it’s a pretty major chunk of it, and because I’m just so proud of myself and happy that I actually got something I set out to write forever ago FINISHED, I am posting this snippet here as a one-shot (it’s...more than a snippet really, it’s like 4000+ words, and it’s mostly unedited so...ye’ve been warned lol)

Word Count: 4199 (yikes)

Enjoy! Hopefully I’ll have the rest of the chapter finished within the next week or so!

“We’re finally nearing the Grand Line…” Nami muttered, pointing at a spot on the map. “It looks like the only way into it is through Reverse Mountain here.”

“Reverse Mountain?” Hazel murmured, peering over the girl’s shoulder at the point where the seas intersect.

“What a pain. Can’t we just sail straight through it?” Zoro groaned, glaring from where he sat leaning against the rail. Sanji shook his head.

“Nope, from what the geezer told me, that’s the only way boats can enter.”

“How come?” Usopp asked.

“Cause it’s supposedly dangerous.”

“But how come?!”

“I don’t know any more than that!” Sanji yelled, glaring at the sniper. 

“Boys, please…” Hazel scolded, trying to stop any fights before they could occur.

“The reason for that is-”

“Alright! I got it!” Luffy interrupted Nami, pointing at the map. “Then let’s head straight into it!”

“Are you even paying attention?!”

“But it sounds fun!” Luffy insisted, grin never wavering. “Plus it’d feel way better going straight into it!”

“Fun or not, I’d like to actually make it to the Grand Line before we die,” Hazel told him, side-eyeing her brother’s enthusiasm. Nami shared the sentiment.

“Talking to you makes me feel like I’m gonna go crazy…” the navigator whined, palm to her forehead in exasperation. Luffy soldiered on, ignoring the women’s concerns.

“Anyways, let’s stop at an island first and get meat! Meat! Meat!” Nami reached a finger out to point at a spot on the map, and Luffy and Hazel both peered closer at the paper.

“There’s a famous city on this island...Loguetown.”

“Loguetown?” Luffy asked, puzzled look on his face as he tried to think. “What? Is it famous for its meat?”

“Also known as the city of the beginning and the end…” Zoro chimed in, thoughtful look on his face. “I’m pretty sure I’ve heard that before.”

“It’s where Gold Roger, the former Pirate King, was born,” Hazel supplied, appearing somber, “and where he was executed.”

“The town where the King of the Pirates died...” Even Luffy’s voice was tame, contemplation clear in his eyes. Nami swung her gaze to meet his, sly smile finding its way across her cheeks.

“Wanna go?”

“Yeah! I wanna see it!” As he spoke, his voice grew more excited, though it never lost its reverence. “I wanna see the town where the man who got the One Piece - everything this world has to offer - was born and then died!” Luffy stood up, grin fixed firmly back in place. “Nami! Set sail for Loguetown!”

As the crew scrambled to set their course, Hazel smiled at her brother’s excitement, though she didn’t share the enthusiasm. She didn’t really harbor any opinions on the former Pirate King, good or bad; there just wasn’t enough information available on who the man truly was. She had asked her grandfather once, considering what she knew about his connection to Ace, but after hours of pestering the only thing he’d told her was “don’t believe everything you hear”. Other than that cryptic statement, she knew about as much as anyone else: he was born in Loguetown, he circumnavigated the entire world, then turned himself in (to her grandfather, no less), and was executed in his hometown. For someone who was so famous, you’d think there’d be more to know about him.

Hazel looked down at the notebook in her hand, blank since Shells Town except for the notes she’d taken. She wasn’t going to let Luffy fall into that same level of anonymity. Sure, the boy couldn’t care less about the fame; his views on being the Pirate King weren’t shared by most other pirates, though she found his ideals to be more admirable. What she really didn’t want to happen, though, was for her baby brother’s name to be smeared by the media, with nothing to counteract it.

Which meant she had a lot of work to do.

“Well, before we get to Loguetown, I have to get to work. Which means I’m shutting myself in my room until I’ve finished writing about our adventure so far!” Hazel stated for all to hear. She ignored the odd looks sent her way. “So no one bug me, ok?” When she’d received satisfactory nods, Hazel made her way to the girls’ room, shut the door, and plopped herself down at the writing desk. She ripped out her pages of notes so she could refer to them easily as she wrote, then opened to a blank page, her pencil hovering above the paper.

An hour later and the page was still blank.

Hazel’s pencil had moved, at least. It’d been set on the desk, balanced on her nose (a failure on her part, but no one could see it so she wasn’t too pressed), twirled between her fingers, tucked behind her ear as she stretched in her chair (and changed position at least three times; currently she had her feet on the back of the chair with her head leaning on the desk). She’d doodled little pictures on her note pages; tiny flowers and crude renditions of her crewmates (note to self: hide these so Nami doesn’t see). There’s a reason she hadn’t decided to illustrate this book.

Another hour later and her legs hurt from how much she’d been bouncing them. The page remained blank, her mind void of ideas, and her eyes were fixed on the picture frame hanging on the far wall. Maybe some food would help? She didn’t think she ate much at breakfast…

As Hazel made her way on deck, she couldn’t help but smile at the sight that greeted her. Nami was lounging in the sun on the top deck, being served some fancy drink from their newest member. Zoro was, surprise, napping beneath the mast, his swords propped in his lap. Luffy sat on the other side of the ship, watching Usopp practice with his slingshot. Oh, that could be fun!

“Whatcha guys doin’?” Hazel asked, sneaking up behind the sniper, causing Luffy to laugh at the boy’s frightful shriek. “Oops! Sorry, Usopp!” He just glared at her in return.

“Usopp’s practicing his slingshot! See? We set up some targets against the other side of the deck, he’s really good!”

“Well, you see Luffy, I’ve been using a slingshot for at least 25 years,” Usopp boasted, ignoring the fact that he was only 17. “Which of course makes me an expert sniper!”

“25 years, huh?” Hazel snarked. “Well, mister “expert”, whaddaya say to a little contest? The closer to a bullseye gets you more points. Whoever gets the most points wins.”

“Uhh, ok, Hazel. But where are you gonna get a slingshot?” Hazel just pointed to Luffy. Specifically his arms. “Hey, now, wait a minute! You can’t use him!”

“Why not?” Hazel and Luffy asked, both with blank looks on their faces. The sniper spluttered.

“Because-! He’s not-! And you-!”

“Ok, look - we’re not going for power here, just accuracy, so it’ll still be a fair contest. And we’ll use the same ammo, ok?” She left no room for him to argue back, immediately grabbing one of the pellets from his hand and positioning her brother. Usopp rolled his eyes behind her, but sidled up next to the two, aiming his own slingshot at the first target.

“Ready...aim...fire!” Usopp let the pellet fly, smacking the target right in the center.

“Hey, nice job Usopp! But I’m gonna tie it up right here!” Hazel ribbed, tying Luffy’s fingers together to form a sling. She pulled them back, tongue poking out between her teeth as she aimed carefully. When she felt confident in her position she nodded, waiting for Usopp to give the signal, and then let go.

The target shattered to pieces.

“Oh fuck-!”

“WHAT ARE YOU THREE DOING?!” Nami’s shrill voice called, causing all three to wince.

“Luffy did it!” Hazel immediately yelled while Usopp checked the ship for damage.

“No I didn’t!”

“Now, Luffy, you know you shouldn’t lie.”

“I’m not-!”

“ENOUGH!” Nami yelled again, interrupting the siblings. “I don’t care who did it, you’re just lucky the ship didn’t get damaged! You and you-” she pointed to Usopp and Luffy “-clean this up! And you!” Nami pointed at Hazel, making the older woman feel suddenly small. “You’re supposed to be writing right now! Not breaking things!”

“Well...you see...the thing is…” Hazel trailed off as Nami continued to glare at her. Huh. She didn’t like being on the receiving end of this. “I was hungry…?”

“Then ask Sanji-kun for a snack and get back to work. You told us not to bother you and we’re listening, take advantage of that!” At Hazel’s huff Nami smiled. “If you’d like, you can sit in the tangerine grove. I find it very relaxing when I need to focus.”

“Hmm...a change of scenery may be helpful. Thanks, Nami,” Hazel smiled, rolling her neck. “I better go bug Sanji.” But Nami held up a hand to stop her.

“Nope! You go sit, I’ll get it. I don’t want you to get distracted again.” The orange-haired girl walked away without another word, and Hazel was forced at that point to just listen to her. She made her way to the upper deck, finding a nice spot under the trees to nestle in. She reopened her notebook to the still blank page, and tapped her pencil against her chin as she tried to focus. The breeze up here was nice, as well as the sounds of her crewmates (Luffy and Usopp had made a game out of cleaning up her mess). The smell of tangerines wafted over her, muddying her senses. One of her curls was tickling her forehead.

She’d made zero headway by the time Sanji appeared with a snack. 

“Hazel-chwan!~ I’ve brought you a plate of delicious sandwiches, and a fresh glass of cabernet sauvignon,” the man said, brandishing a platter on one hand and a glass of deep red liquid in the other. She looked to the glass curiously. Despite having practically lived in a bar half her life, she’d never actually tried wine. Her alcohol tended to be of a rougher variety.

“Oh, yeah, alcohol. That’ll help,” Hazel muttered, hoping Sanji didn’t think her rude. For all she knew, it would get the creative juices flowing, so to speak. “Thank you, Sanji.” She smiled at the cook, his feet practically floating off the ground in happiness. He turned to leave her, and Hazel tentatively took a sip of the wine...only to immediately cringe when the bitter liquid hit her tongue. She glanced around in panic, hoping the blond didn’t see, and snuck the glass behind her back, hidden under the trees. “Ooh! Sanji, wait up!” she called, wine forgotten as she grabbed her plate and ran after him.

“Yes, my love?” Sanji asked, twirling around to gaze at her through heart-shaped eyes.

“I just realized that I never asked about what happened at the Baratie! After we left?” The cook’s expression had switched to confusion at her question. “In fact,” she continued, following him into the galley, “I don’t actually know that much about you. Tell me, what’s your dream? Your motivation? Your tragic backstory? Spare me no detail!”

For the first time since they’d met, Sanji wasn’t looking at her with adoration. In fact, he almost looked a little scared. His eyes darted around for half a second while she pulled out her best pout, gray eyes shining like a puppy begging for table scraps. Later, she’d chide herself for being so mean. After all, she used to practically torture Ace with that expression. But for now, she needed answers.

“Well…” Sanji started, pulling himself together before all the blood rushed out of his nose. “I am merely a humble sea cook, mademoiselle. I fought valiantly for my former home, and for the chance to gaze upon your lovely visage once again.” He flourished into a low bow.

“Uh huh,” Hazel chuckled, an amused smile on her face as she raised a brow. “Definitely humble.” Sanji rose back to standing, an easy grin in place at their shared humor. “Come on, lover boy. Sit with me awhile and tell me a story.”

The two sat and talked for a time, Hazel’s pencil scratching across the pages of her notebook as Sanji divulged all the details he felt comfortable sharing: how Luffy had bartered with Zeff for his freedom, the way he’d swatted projectiles with a single kick. She had a feeling he may’ve been embellishing his actions a bit, but having seen the way he’d toppled part of a building at Arlong Park, she knew it wasn’t all bluster.

He told her of Pearl, the man who’d covered himself in armor, only to lose his mind (and catch fire, apparently) at the first drop of blood. How Gin, the man he’d helped, had taken the old man hostage, and how he’d been willing to die to save his mentor’s dream. Hazel filed away that note for later, planning to ask about the clear devotion Sanji had for the old man, even if the blond tried to hide it behind snark.

She tried not to laugh when Sanji told her Luffy destroyed part of the ship. From what he was telling her, it was actually a brilliant stroke on Luffy’s part, and definitely contributed to Sanji’s outlook on the situation; but the way the blond’s curly brow furrowed over his eyes at the memory was, in her opinion, hilarious. 

“So, wait,” Hazel started, pausing Sanji’s tale of his fight with Gin. “How did you come to the Baratie in the first place? Zeff isn’t your father, is he? Why so devoted to preserving his dream?”

Discomfort crossed the cook’s face, as it had earlier, but whether it was his dedication to please the woman in front of him, or because he’d already come this far, he gifted her with the reason. “He saved my life,” was the simple answer. The follow-up nearly brought tears to her eyes. 

Hazel reached across the table, covering his hand with her own, and she sent him a soft smile. A light blush dusted his cheeks, and she allowed him to turn away to light a cigarette; she even grabbed the ashtray off the back shelf for him.

Just as they were about to continue, the door to the galley swung open, a rubbery body bouncing its way inside. “Sanji!! Food!” Luffy yelled, head turning frantically before his eyes finally settled on the cook.

“You just ate, you damn animal!” The cook scolded, and the somber mood was broken as Hazel burst into laughter.

“But I’m hungry! Food!”

“I’m busy!” Hazel took that moment to step in.

“It’s alright, Sanji. I can get the rest from you later. If you don’t start dinner soon, we may not have a ship to sail on anymore,” she laughed, drawing Luffy’s attention. The boy leaped onto the bench in front of her, taking Sanji’s place, and glancing at the notebook for a second without reading.

“Whatcha talkin’ about? Whaddaya need Sanji for?”

“He was telling me about your fight with Don Krieg, since I missed it.”

“Oh! I can tell you! There was a boom! And a woosh! And then I went ‘Gum-Gum Bazooka’! And then there was poison gas, but we’re fine, and then everything went boom boom boom boom! And then I got poked a lot! And then-” Hazel tuned out as her brother continued telling her all about the fight with as little detail as possible. Sanji shot her a confounded look over their captain’s shoulder, and the girl replied with a nonchalant shrug. When Luffy finally finished, he looked to his sister expectantly, proud grin wide across his face.

“Thanks Luffy, I’ll make sure to write that down.” The boy nodded, then looked back at her notes from Sanji’s story.

“Looks like you’ve gotten a lot done!” Hazel flinched, grimacing into her palm.

“Yes and no…” Luffy just looked at her, confusion in his eyes, and Hazel gave a heavy sigh. “To be honest, Luff...I don’t really know where to start.”

“At the beginning. Duh.”

“Wow, I never thought about that,” Hazel deadpanned. “And get your finger out of your nose!” As Luffy stuck his tongue out at her, something struck her. Hazel’s eyes widened, an invisible energy urging her hand to move across the paper. “Actually, Luffy, you’re a genius! Thank you!”

She vaguely heard him say something in agreement, but her mind was too focused on the idea it had. Start at the beginning...she was surprised the thought hadn’t occurred to her earlier; after all, she’d only just told the story a week ago.

--------------

Foosha Village had always been a peaceful town. Even when pirates had settled their sails at its docks the year previous, the villagers had yet to deal with much past the occasional bandit or two. Our lives had been much the same, short as they were; filled with fun and laughter and play. Then one day, the stuff of legends became real, and peace would be known no more.

The sun had shown brightly that morning, though my brother and I had already been up for hours. We always had trouble sleeping the closer to Shanks’ departure. In only a short time, the red-headed man had wormed his way into our lives, and our hearts, and my brother especially was determined to join him this time.

So it was that we stood on the deck of the Red-Hair Pirate’s ship, the hustle and bustle of supplies and crates being loaded around us. A few of the men were singing songs - definitely inappropriate considering the children in their company - but we’d already spent the last seven years in a bar. There was nothing in those songs we hadn’t heard before.

I had been listening to Benn Beckman’s tale of their last voyage when Shanks’ voice had called our attention to the figurehead. Standing atop the dragon’s maw, my brother Luffy stood glaring down at our pirate friends. Unfortunately, none of us had taken his declaration of strength seriously. Not until he drove the knife beneath his eye.

--------------

The paragraphs flew quickly out of her hand, the day in question clear in her mind. Hazel took a moment to shake out her wrist, feeling stiff as she read over her work so far. She liked it, she really did. Now to keep up this momentum.

The door opened once again, and Usopp and Nami wandered in, talking about something she couldn’t hear. Hazel was still glaring at the page, chewing her cheek as she thought about how to word her next sentence. She heard Sanji mention dinner would be ready soon, Luffy’s excitement sounding through the room, then Usopp’s hiss for him to be quiet.

“Don’t distract her! She’s scary when she’s mad!” the boy whimpered out, much to Luffy’s amusement.

“No she’s not!” he laughed, drawing the sniper’s ire.

“You didn’t think that when she made you take a bath!” Hazel stifled a snort.

“Speaking of which,” Nami chimed in, holding a hand to her nose. “How long ago was that?”

“Actually, Luffy, you are due for one. Zoro too,” Hazel said, looking up at her surprised crewmates. What, did they think she couldn’t hear them at all? “Why don’t you go wash up before dinner. Please?” Luffy groaned, glaring at the navigator, but dutifully made his way to the bathroom. Despite what he said, he didn’t want to push his sister. Again.

Hazel took that moment to stand up, stretching her back with a loud pop, grabbed her notebook, and made her way outside to tell their grungy swordsman his bath was after dinner. She couldn’t see him at first when she stepped outside, but after glancing around for a moment, she finally spotted him. She blinked when she saw his bare back, mesmerized for a moment at the way the muscles rippled as he did push-up after push-up. A second later, she blinked the distraction away, and walked down the steps to the grass-haired man.

“Hey, your turn for a bath after dinner,” she told him, practically hearing him grit his teeth at the notion. “Dinner’s actually almost done, by the way, so you may wanna wrap it up here.”

“Not done,” he grunted, prompting her to raise a brow in his direction.

“Well find a way to be done. We’re hungry, and you’re sweaty.”

“If I’m gonna get stronger, I can’t cut training short. I need more weight.” His gray eyes swung up to hers, and Hazel got the distinct sense he was sizing her up.

“What do you want me to do about that?” She regretted asking the instant she said it. Zoro gestured to his back. His extremely sweaty back.

“Climb on.”

“Excuse me? What are you insinuating here?” She crossed her arms, trying to decide if she needed to hit him for calling her fat or not. She caught him rolling his eyes.

“You’re all muscle, it’s heavier. Climb on.” Hazel chewed her lip, weighing the pros and cons. Then, deciding she had nothing to lose except her hygiene (and really, she could do with a bath herself), she stepped closer to him, cautiously sitting down when he paused for her. He reached his arm around, causing a startled squeak as he adjusted her position, then he resumed his training, a new strain in his breath.

While he worked, Hazel puzzled once again over her notebook. Disappointment flowed through her as she stared at the four lone paragraphs, the struggle for where to take the story next staying her hand. She’d gotten nothing done today, and it was difficult not to take it to heart.

“What are you sighing about up there?” her cushion grunted below her. Hazel rolled her eyes, but decided to humor him by answering anyway.

“I’ve been working on this all day, and somehow I have nothing to show for it.” Zoro was silent except for his heavy breathing, but for some reason she pushed on. “What kind of record-keeper am I? What kind of storyteller can’t tell a damn story? I don’t even have to make it all up, it’s all stuff that happened…” A puff of air escaped her as her eyes began to sting. “Maybe I’m not cut out for this…”

She hadn’t meant to say it, at least not out loud, and was startled when her chair suddenly stood up. She cried out as she fell, but before she could hit the floor, Zoro’s arms came out to steady her. She looked up at him in shock, affronted at the small glare he sent her way. “Read it out loud,” he said, pointing to the little book in her hands.

“Eh?!” Hazel shrieked, appalled at the very notion of any living being actually hearing her work out loud.

“Read it out loud,” Zoro said again, shrugging his shirt back on. “Then I can tell you if it’s shitty.”

“No way! It’s not ready for human consumption yet!” she yelled, glaring as he sat below the mast. “Besides, who are you to tell me if it’s shit? You wouldn’t know good literature if it waved a sword at you and said ‘boy, speak your name’!” Zoro rolled his eyes at the reference, but leveled her with a steady gaze as it dawned on her the trick he was trying to pull. “Stop it, it’s mine. Why should I share it with you?”

“Because I like the way you tell stories.” He said it so simply, like it didn’t carry nearly the weight for him that it did for her. Hazel felt the blood rush to her cheeks, but she didn’t look away. Something held her gaze on his, something she couldn’t possibly name.

“So how does me reading it aloud help me write it?” Her voice was so quiet, she was surprised he could even hear it.

“Just write it how you’d say it,” he answered, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. And when he said it like that, it did seem obvious, and Hazel could kick herself for not thinking of it sooner. Before she knew it, she felt herself nodding, sitting beside him beneath the sail.

“Foosha Village had always been a peaceful town….” she began, reading from the beginning, and surprising herself when her voice continued past the last paragraph. He’d heard the story before, but still Zoro sat, listening with rapt attention. Her voice slowed as she wrote, not allowing herself to forget what she’d said, what phrases she used that flowed from her mouth like water.

At one point Hazel glanced beside her, surprised to see the swordsman’s eyes shut. She let out a sigh, finishing her sentence, but not continuing on. She found herself rolling her eyes at the sleeping swordsman, irked that he apparently found her so boring.

“You stuck again?”

Hazel turned to him again, meeting his gaze through half-lidded eyes. She let out a half chuckle, shaking her head in amusement, before diving into the next paragraph.

It was only Luffy’s call of “Dinner!!” that finally drew the two inside.

[guigz1-coldwar]

'Forgiveness' : New chapter for "Redemption in a Spirit in a Cold War" is out !

"Forgiveness"

"He was innocent, Freya ! He was an good man....and look what happened !"

Chapter Summary : After having killed Stone and wounding herself in the process, Yirina is feeling troubled after having learned of her presence the day of the death of Park's brother in London in 1973...

To read it on AO3, click here !

Words : +4000

------------------------------------------------------------------

During the next few minutes that followed the shots I did to myself and even if I closed my eyes to let me pass out freely and maybe, get over it, I was able to see some obscure & little flash, seeing myself transported away by Park and Price, myself been patched as the two were holding me good and Zasha was watching the scene terrified.....I was feeling so bad right now : the shots on my shoulder, the revelation that Stone gave to everyone. During all this time, the burn mark I had on my left hand, it was because I tried to save someone....and this someone was William Elijah Park in 1973 in London.....

I was there the day he was killed by Stone, trying to save him from the bomb but I didn't succeed and this event was making me guilty, traumatizing me enough. The brainwashing erased that trauma but only temporary as my memories were coming back but now, learning that I was present in London the day William got killed, it's making that guilt relive in me. Me & Park....we were close by that and we didn't know at all about it. Finally, the flashs stopped and I could close my eyes for good, only hoping for the best......

I opened my eyes to find myself sitting in the back of an bar and it was looking very english....no....I'm reliving this day....why ?.....There weren't an lot of people here in that pub but I did prefer to stay hidden and the papers I had with me was showing that I wasn't willing to go public about it. These papers, it was all about Stone : reports from the Perseus collective on him and other ones were also reports but on William Elijah Park.

Looking around like I was awaiting someone, checking my watch from time to time and tapping my feets on the ground under the table, it was sure that I was nervous as hell until I decide to take out an cigarette from an pocket of my jacket before lighting it up and put it between my lips. As I was taking an breath, I could see an man enter the pub, turning his head to see someone....who was me as he start to walk into my direction.

"You're the one who contacted me ?" The man asked, it was William....he was looking curious and pretty much nervous too to be here with an unknown person, I slowly nodded to him as I put my cigarette in my hand.

"Take an seat." I ordered in an low voice, pointing to the seat that was in front of me. He took an deep breath before he resign himself to sit like I said.

"Why did you called me, miss...uhm...you didn't give your name by the way." He said, getting his left arm on the table while the other, it was on his lap.

"That part isn't important for you to know, sir Park." I breathed, crushing my cigarette in the ashtray on the table.

"Okay, game's over, tell me why...."

"Relax, sir." I told him in an serious voice, cutting him straight even if I could feel myself scared inside after I heard an noise under the table. "Don't need to bring an gun here, I'm unharmed."

"How did you know ?" He demanded, raising an eyebrow.

"I heard the click of your gun, you can put it down." I suggested and he comply, stunned that I managed to know about as he was getting his pistol back in his jacket. "So, you're William E. Park from the SAS, that's correct ?" I started the real subject, taking the papers about him in my hands.

"Yes." He replied in an low voice, looking around him to make sure that he wasn't trapped.

"Can you talk with me about Harry Stone ?" I questioned, peaking my eyes to look at him and his eyes did go wide at hearing me saying that name.

"Him ?" He was sounding taken aback by that name. "An man that is so reckless that I'm ashamed to see this man in the SAS, a disgrace to the whole regiment."

"I see that the rumors of your hatred against him were true." I proclaimed, putting the file aside to look at him fully. "Tell me, is Stone has did something very bad to you....like attempting to kill you ?"

"If I can count the numerous time he tried, it would be an lot." He responded, almost laughing about before he got his both arms on the table. "I don't understand why we're talking about him."

"Because he's an man who knows how to act, sir Park." I told him as I hand over the file about Stone to him who took it in hands, curious about it. "Stone is been working with the organization I'm in too called Perseus."

"Perseus ?" He whispered, looking deeply the file.

"An terrorist organization that's working with the East but unofficially, on their own." I explained, telling him of the true motives of the Perseus Collective.

"Shit, this....it's going to make an lot of noise to the top." He proclaimed, astonished by the contents of the file he was reading on before he put it back on the table. "But...why are you doing this ?"

"I'm doing this because I'm not believing in those ideals and to Perseus, I only want to make the good." I answered before I put my hands on the second file about William himself. "Stone is planning something on you on the following days." I added, giving him the file that he start to look at.

"Are you kidding me ?" He sounded almost angry about seeing the written lines on that file, stating an apparent description of  William.

"I know." I said silently, understanding his behavior. "All of this, it's bullshit and I know the truth about you." I continued, getting his attention on me entirely. "You're an kind man & very generous, I know that because I've been following you for days."

"You...you have been following me ?" He chuckled, looking uncomfortable at the moment and I nodded.

"I had heavy doubts about why Stone was mentioning about killing an future threat to Perseus so I decide to investigate." I revealed to him, making his eyes go wide to me. "I'm not like them, sir Park. I want to make sure that you're not harmed."

"I....I don't know what to say really !" He was losing his words, amazed that someone he was considering an enemy was helping in reality. "You're doing this because you believe in good...and thank you, miss." He grinned, looking at those papers on the table. "Shit, if Helen is seeing this...."

"Helen ?" I asked, curious.

"Oh...it's my sister, she's looking the same age as you, I presume." He replied, scratching the back of his head. "Been pursuing an doctorate in international relations in Oxford, I don't want her to be pull in all of this." He added.

"It's better, I believe." I nodded to him about this....if only....."Listen, you should be careful the next days but I will make sure that this assassination order is called off...to make you safe."

"Thank you again, miss." He said before I decide to got up from my chair, letting the documents for him to take with.

"By the way, my name is Grigoriev if you want to know." I told him, offering my hand for an shake before he accept, smiling fully. "Don't worry, sir Park, I will make sure that you will be protected."

"And...and what if your superiors find out about your actions ?" He demanded.

"I can't tell but let's hope that you will have Stone arrested, that's the most important thing." I expressed, my eyes on the table. "Have an good day, sir Park." I make my farewell with an smile before I walk out of the table, leaving him alone to get outside.

I was feeling well to say, taking an deep breath before I could see an black van, parked on the other side of the street, it must be some people from Perseus as I was going to go near it, walking through the street to get to it from behind. I knocked two times at the back doors before someone decide to open for me and I discover Stone along with Freya herself, apparently awaiting for me.

"So, how this little 'date' was, Grigoriev ?" Stone was the first one to talk and I was already annoyed by hearing his voice towards me.

"Go fuck yourself, Stone." I exclaimed as I get inside the van behind, closing the door behind but instead of going away, the van didn't drive off the place. "It was good."

"Nothing to worry about Park ?" Freya asked, curious.

"No, the report that our beloved Stone write about is full bullshit." I replied, looking at Stone with deadly eyes. "He only want to kill Park because he's just paranoid."

"I'm not paranoid, I'm seeing an good opportunity to get rid of that guy." He said to me, serious in this voice before he got something out of his pocket.

"What's this ?" I demanded, pointing at this.

"You're fucking blind ? That's an detonator !" He responded, showing it fully to me as my eyes goes wide at seeing it in his hands.

"Don't tell me.....you son of an bitch." I cursed, realizing what he has done. "He's an innocent and you're going to kill him ?" I added, getting furious each second. "You abort that, right now !"

"In your dreams." He scoffed as he looked to the driver.

"Stone, he's out, he's going to his car !" The driver said, pointing at the direction of the pub, seeing William, getting out of it.

"Good, that's going to be some fireworks." Stone joked about it as he was taking his detonator fully.

"Freya, do something for fuck sake !" I expressed loudly, looking at her before I realized that she was going to do nothing to help me, only looking down at her feets in shame. "Damnit, I will do it on my own." I added before I open the back doors again, determined to save William.

"Yirina, wait !" Freya tried to make me stop but I wasn't going to comply at all to her orders as I was getting out of the van, starting to run to get to the rigged car of William, trying to stop him.

"Sir Park, don't start that....." I yelled, running in the street to get close to the car....until it exploded....the car exploded by an bomb placed below it and because of the explosion, I found myself projected away from it.

I closed my left eye at the moment the car blow up but that wasn't going to help me as I was projected away on the street...on my back before some flaming debris fell on my left hand, burning it heavily but I wasn't reacting as I was nearly knocked out by the explosion. I wasn't able to protect William and I could only see with my right eye, the burning car.

"WILLIAM !" I could hear an feminine voice arriving in the street....Park....Helen.....I couldn't hear more as I was suddenly dragged away by someone, seeing Freya on top of me to get me back in the van, almost unconscious before the van drove off the place, with me on the ground of the van floor, with Freya looking at me worried as Stone....behind his mask, I could see shake his head.

"Always at the wrong time, at the wrong place !"

That memory....it make me realize that I was fully there that day, watching William...Park's brother, getting killed in an explosion by Stone himself as I tried to save him from his death I wasn't aware off....I wasn't able to save him, it's not because of me but I could feel that guilty above me that I could have been able to save him from that bomb. I'm going to hate myself for this....and this hate....yeah, I'm hating myself so much for this.

Finally, I reopened my eyes after an while, I couldn't tell how much time but I was well alive even if my shoulder was hurting me an little, feeling the bandages covering the gunshot wounds above it below my shirt. My eye were opened slowly, revealing that I was in an bedroom, laid down on an bad....the bedroom I'm using with Park in West-Berlin...I was back here alive and I could see Zasha sleeping on an chair while Beans was walking on the bed, seeing me awake.

"Hey, Beans." I slowly move my left hand, seeing my burn mark on it to pat Beans head, an smile on my face to see her and then, the door opened, revealing Portnova herself.

"Oh shit, Zasha !" She exclaimed loudly, seeing me awake and her voice caused Zasha to brutally woke up, she was happy to see me alive.

"What ?" Zasha said, having been brutally awaken and ready to fall off their chair until they looked at me. "My god, Yirina...yes !" They added, enthusiatic.

"Hi, Zed...hi Portnova." I waved at them both with my left hand too, releasing Beans from it.

"You put an scare in everyone to say, Grigoriev." Portnova stated, taking an seat next to Zasha, her eyes always focused on me. "I did really panick when you were brought back here with everyone, seeing yourself hurt and knocked out."

"How much I was out ?" I asked, curious about it.

"Two days !" Zasha replied, raising two fingers to me with their right hand. "We're the 20th of May." They continued.

"Shit, this long ?" I whispered to myself, shocked to have been 'sleeping' for two days straight, having my right shoulder wounded. "I....I don't know what to think....how's things since ?" I demanded.

"Well, Stone is finally KIA for good and Park make sure that he stayed liked this. Since, we didn't work, wanting to have you back first." Zasha responded, joining their hands together. "Everyone was scare to have lose you, I did see you shooting yourself to kill Stone."

"I know, it was the only way...maybe it was stupid." I proclaimed as these bullets could have killed me only if Stone wasn't behind me but at least, I was here & Stone was out for good. "Are there anything else ?"

"The SAS were able to neutralize the Greenlight bomb Stone stoled and with intels they found in that complex, they managed to find where the others Greenlight bombs were hidden precisely in Western Europe but they can't do an thing because of the CIA." Zasha continued as Portnova was slowly moving her hands towards them, smiling before the two got their hands together, seeing something new on her hands. "And personally....I....I proposed to Yiri...she said yes !"

"You...said yes ?" I whispered, smiling further about it. "That's amazing, I....I'm damn happy about it." I expressed, slowly redressing myself on the bed as Zasha moved an little to make sure that I wasn't going to hurt myself but I gestured to them that I was okay.

"They proposed yesterday....I know that I have to say yes." Portnova spoke up as I was looking at the ring that Zasha gave her, the one they were going to give her years earlier. "Zed told me that...they were going to propose in 1980."

"Yes but...after we discovered the Greenlight files and Perseus took them, I couldn't do it." Zasha breathed, looking at her with great eyes. "I wanted to have you see it but I couldn't resist anymore." They added, looking at me.

"It's okay, you're both good together." I expressed, offering my left hand towards them to took it. "The most important is that you're going to get well together and well protected." I continued, smiling more about thinking of them, finally happy. "The MI6 will do an lot to have you safe including me."

"About the MI6, Park told me that she waws going to offer me an desk job to Century House and I agreed." Zasha said to me and to say, I was quite amazed that Park gave them that opportunity, she had to do it. "For Yiri, Park was able to have an work for her."

"I'm going to be an maths teacher at the University of London." She confessed, remembering the dream she talked about days earlier to us in her old house now. "I'm starting next week."

"That's wonderful !" I grinned, seeing the two that were going to live an good life...until I thought of something. "Uhm....is Park there ?" I demanded in an low voice.

"Yeah, we can tell her that you're awake." Zasha answered.

"Good but...I want to talk to her alone, I need to." I ordered to them as I'm sure that the discussion I will certainly have with her isn't going to be witnessed by them.

"Okay...okay." Zasha whispered before the two got up from their chairs. "Come on, Beans." Zasha tapped at their legs, wanting Beans to follow them outside and to be honest, it was better that Beans goes with them but before she could left, I did tap her for an last time before Beans left the bed and then, the two with Beans leave the room, leaving me alone.

Now that I was alone, I was redouting the moment Park will step inside that room, fearing her reaction towards me....Honestly, this moment was going to be the first time I'm actually scared of Park herself....She did learned that I was present the day in London where her brother died...I don't know how to feel right now. Then, I could see the door handle slowly moving, meaning that Park was just behind that door until it opened, revealing her....changed.

"Yiri." She said in an low voice, sounding happy to see me alive as inside of me, I was fearing that she was going to jump on me in anger. "You're alright ?" She asked for me and I nodded slowly

"Yeah...I'm...I'm good, the shoulder is still hurting me." I replied until I saw what changed in her. "You...you cut your hair ?" I could see that her hair were back like how it was in the days in the old safehouse 3 years ago.

"I...yes, I know that you like it more like that." She stated as I didn't know how to react even if I grinned an little until she moved to get on the seat that Zasha used. "I'm happy to see you alive." She affirmed, offering her hand to me but suddenly, I was feeling ashamed of myself.

"No, I can't." I breathed, looking away from her, impossible for me to look at her in the eyes. "I can't....you know it, you know that I was there that day." I continued, giving my thoughts about it to her.

"I know, it's okay." She admitted.

"Okay ? You & me learned that I did try to save your brother from death but I wasn't fast enough....you should hate me." I told her, almost raising my voice but I couldn't be in anger against her, it's her that should be the one like that towards me. "You should...despise me, even kill me for what I have done."

"No....I will never do that !" She expressed, sounding low in her voice. "Yirina, look at me, please." She ordered even if it wasn't sounding like an actual order, according to her voice. "Please." She pleaded and then, I moved back to look at her, seeing her blue eyes filled with tears, still offering her hand to me that I decide to take slowly.

"I...I relived that day...I talked with your brother." I said as I was always sharing my memory to her and this one was going to be very personal with her. "He was....an good man, seeing the good in me and the same for me. He didn't deserve that." I confirmed, proudly before I moved my other hand to get it on top of hers she was handing to me. "I'm....so sorry, Park."

"It wasn't your fault and I know that." She affirmed to me before with her right hand, she took out from her jacket an paper.

"What's this ?" I asked, curious.

"It's an letter...written by you." She replied, making my eyes go wide at hearing this. "It's unsigned but since Stone told us about what happened that day, I realized that it was you who did write."

"How....what is this letter ?" I whispered as she give me the letter in my hands, to let me take an look.

"While you were here, I did make an trip last day to London in Century House to retrieve some things until I found back this letter, hidden in my desk." She explained, giving more details about the letter as I start to open it fully, seeing my handwritting on it. "I got this a few days after William's death." She added as I start to read the letter.

To William E. Park sister

I don't know you personally and you don't know me but I have to give you this letter by an mean. I know that you're named Helen A. Park and that you're working an doctorate in international relations in Oxford. I know that because I knew your brother William Park, an SAS soldier and an good man, an real good man. One of the few goods man I did know in my life and those people are rare these days.

I'm writing this letter for you because I was there that day, I talked with him in the bar at a few meters the explosion happened but I wasn't an friend of him. Honestly, I did talked with him because he was in danger. I'm working with the organization that orchestrated his death but I was never going to let it happen, I never believed in their ideas but as you know, I wasn't able to save your brother. I'm sorry, miss Park. I tried to save him but I couldn't. Even if I tried to save him, I'm feeling myself guilty for his death.

You're maybe going to hate me and to tear to pieces that letter but each day after that terrible event, I'm still thinking of your brother. Each day, I'm hearing this voice and each night, I'm seeing the same event and because of it, I can't sleep without waking up with an start. I'm so sorry about what happened. I can't tell anything but I want to make sure that I'm trying my best to survive in an difficult world. I want to give you hope but will you accept it from someone like me ?

I'm sorry, miss Park, may your brother rest in peace ! I'm so sorry !

"I....that...I don't know." I started, having finished to read the letter, the tears were already falling down my eyes as I was giving back the letter to Park, looking down. "I'm so sorry." I repeated my words to her, wanting to cry loudly.

"Me too....me too." She grinned, sounding low too as I look at her, also having tears in her eyes. "This is because of this letter that I decide to change my path, it's because of it that I joined the MI6."

"Your brother...he didn't want you to get involved in that world but...." I stopped myself to clean some tears from my face, telling her of words I heard from William in that memory. "I'm sure that he's proud of you." I affirmed, trying to smile until I start to cry for real, causing her to move from her chair to get her arms around me. "I'm sorry." I whispered.

"I'm sorry too, Yiri....I'm sorry." Park was also crying with me....we went through an lot and we both know that this isn't going to end easily. "Even with what I learned, I know that what you said is true.....you're an good woman, I love you." She affirmed, her head on my shoulder. "I need you, we're going to get through this."

"Yes...we will....I love you too." I said to her, feeling an little relieving and happy as we were both still hugging each other....honestly, I was so happy to be with Park and that she know of myself and my actions....I was there that day but she know that I tried to help her brother, she saw it in me.....

"You're an good woman, my Yiri....I'm so proud of been with you....for always."