#3D platformers are the thing i'm relatively okay at

[aparticularbandit]

Bandit Outer Wilds update below the cut.

So other people don't get spoilers!

...also no one tell me things I have gone in almost completely blind.

I have died on Dark Bramble five times now.

I successfully navigated the spaceship down into the center area! But not THE center area.

I did not think the anglerfish would be able to eat the spaceship.

I was very wrong.

I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE RED LIGHT IS.

I will have to be A LOT better at navigating the spaceship first.

I suck at flying it. and navigating the Player Character in their spacesuit.

I think probably I have to be very good at getting around the anglerfish and also very fast.

Can I kill an anglerfish by jamming into it with the spaceship?

(No one tell me. I can have fun trying later.)

But also the sudden jumpscare of the anglerfish yelling at me! Thanks, I hate it! It's like when you know a balloon is gonna pop but you don't know WHEN it will pop. I hate it SO much.

ALSO THE JUMPSCARE OF THE STATUE DOING STUFF?

Y'ALL DID I GET GOT IS THIS GAME SCARY.

...probably Bandit is just a weakling.

(I'm having a good time! I suck at this game!)

[ettadunham]

a story about my uncle, more like a story about how i lost my will to live.

got 'em.

distinguished mutuals might remember that i started posting reviews about my little side project called "play all adventure games in existence", and so it has come to this. i must now talk to you all about a game i absolutely hated to play.

before anything else though, i need to clarify that my hatred for this game isn't actually the fault of this charming little swedish indie title from 2012. it's not a misogynistic mess or a predatory freemium mobile game or the worst game you could imagine.

i just fucking hate 3d platformers and think that they should all burn in hell where they belong.

and no, that doesn't include portal. i fucking love portal. how does that make sense you ask? shut up.

anyway, not only is a story about my uncle a beloathed 3d platformer, it also commits the cardinal sin of starting out by making you think that it's actually of a different genre. you walk around a house, there's all this environment to look at, notes to read, books to examine, sticky notes with youtube video urls, etc. (in fact, one of the videos is about a haunted halloween toy for some reason. absolutely delightful.)

it basically starts off as a walking simulator. there's even what appears to be a dear esther reference in there.

and... okay, so, i'm not universally a fan of all walking simulators (i find dear esther in particular pretty meh), but i have enjoyed some. i like clicking on things and looking at everything and piecing together a story from the environment. i like not thinking about dying or falling down a cave wall. i'm easy to please.

i am however terrible at 3d platforming, and after playing for 6.5 hours in total (about 2-3 times of what it seems to take the average player to finish this game), i wanted to scream. and cry.

(actually... i did in fact scream. and hit things. and cry. my cat was very worried about me.)

but that's me, and as it's established, i am apparently much worse at these types of games than your average buffoon. so, if after all these theatrics you still want to check this game out, here's what you should know:

a story about my uncle has some fun, and relatively varied mechanics. you can jump and run and grapple and at some point, even boost during flight, so there's opportunity to play around. there are also a lot of save points, so the challenging parts aren't as frustrating as i may have made them seem. the different level designs are also pretty fun, the game looks great, the sound is alright... not much to nitpick there.

what i will nitpick however, is the story itself, which is not much, and the narrator's performance which is... a choice. but that's really the most i can say against it, aside from how i couldn't fucking get through the last section of this game without losing my mind.

so yeah. a story about my uncle. it gets somewhere between 0-5 stars. roll a d6 i guess.

[mobius-prime]

271. Sonic Universe #4

The Shadow Saga (Part 4 of 4): The Ultimate Lifeform

Writer: Ian Flynn Pencils: Tracy Yardley! Colors: Jason Jensen

Before we get started, it's important to note that this issue likely takes place a short time after the upcoming two issues, but for the sake of continuity as well as plot pacing, I've decided to cover this one first, especially since it doesn't overlap with the events of the next two issues at all. Shadow and Rouge are suited up and ready to go into the Special Zone in search of another Chaos Emerald, and Shadow is unconcerned, as he thinks the mission should be fairly routine. They're teleported into the zone by Hope's device, and sure enough, the giant freaky panda god Feist is there, ready to test some mortals for funsies in return for a Chaos Emerald.

Feist cackles and says that since he creates the rules of this zone, Shadow's own powers won't work, as even if he's the "ultimate lifeform" Feist is a god and therefore holds power over him. Shadow and Rouge quickly start trying to navigate Feist's little maze, using their respective strengths to dodge obstacles, but Feist has deliberately set them up for failure, and laughs at them as they run out of time just a moment before Rouge can grab the green Chaos Emer- wait, what? The green emerald? That one was already retrieved from the Sol Dimension! For whatever reason, Jason apparently completely forgot that not all the emeralds are green anymore, and miscolored this one, which was intended to be the red one. Ian handwaved it away later by saying Feist made it look that way to confuse them or whatever, but the color was also quietly corrected to red in future reprints, so it clearly wasn't intended. Anyway, Shadow and Rouge are booted out of the zone without their prize, much to Hope and Commander Tower's shock.

Okay, first of all, Tower, there's literally no need to be an asshole about this. There were already problems just getting into the Special Zone in the first place, it's downright idiotic to think it would just be a total piece of cake to retrieve one of the emeralds within after all that. And second of all, for goodness' sake, Shadow, stop blaming yourself for goddamn everything! Oh no, you didn't immediately succeed at everything you've tried! Ultimate lifeform or not, you're still an ordinary sentient being with ordinary sentient thought processes. Shadow, moping and upset, heads to the facility's gym and begins beating the crap out of Omega, who is surprised and makes a weird comment about how it's he who "usually" comes to Shadow for sparring practice. I'm… a little baffled at this comment, honestly, because it makes it sound like Omega's been around for a while now and he and Shadow regularly beat each other up, even though the very last issue implied that this issue's story is taking place like, the day after recruiting him. But anyway, Shadow dodges all of Omega's questions and attacks, while Omega rather tactlessly points out that now that he's received his clearance for duty, he can come with them on their next mission and blast Feist for them. This pisses Shadow off, and he stalks away to find a quiet spot near the top of the base.

Oh, speaking of which, has anyone been wondering where GUN is actually based? We know they're part of Station Square's security force, but multiple past issues have made vague allusions to the United Federation having more than one territory around the world, and generally being a lot bigger than it was previously portrayed as being (remember when the Mobians and entire outside world didn't even know Station Square existed? Ah, the weird old days). Well, here we get a clue as to where this GUN base is located. Shadow is moping at the top of the mountain that houses the base, and Hope appears there too, surprised to see Shadow as she'd thought this was her own personal hidden thinking spot. She tries to make conversation, enthusing about the view and how "On a clear day, you can see all the way to Soleanna!" I've already noted that Sonic '06 technically took place, if you can call it that, in the comics universe, so obviously Soleanna would have to exist as well. My point here is more about the location of Soleanna. The aesthetic of the kingdom's capital city is vaguely Venetian, indicating it's probably located somewhere analogous to modern-day Italy, so for it to be visible from the top of this mountain, this GUN base would have to be somewhere in Europe. Because I'm extra, I took a look at the position of these two relative to the sun in the background, and if we assume this scene takes place in the afternoon, then the base would be somewhere north of Soleanna - so if Soleanna is indeed located on the coast where Italy currently, then that all checks out nicely. Just a fun fact for y'all!

Anyway, I'm getting way too into the small details here. Hope, noticing that Shadow refuses to make conversation despite her efforts, tries to comfort him, but Shadow just insists that since he's the ultimate lifeform he's not supposed to fail. This is, of course, ridiculous, and Hope points this out, adding that in her opinion he hasn't failed as badly as she has. She tells him the story of how Snively encouraged her to leave Knothole and how she feels too guilty to go back after its destruction, which rouses Shadow somewhat, becoming concerned when she starts to cry. He tells her that leaving was hardly a failure, that she had no way of knowing what would happen and that it wasn't a bad thing to want to push her own boundaries by exploring her role in the world. She smiles and fires back that he can't blame himself for his own failures then, and points out that in the end his "failed" mission was actually excellent reconnaissance and that now that he understands better what he'll be facing, he's just set himself up for future success. This makes Shadow pause, as he's obviously not thought of it like this before.

Now that is how you write a Shadow. It's weird when people try to characterize him as this edgy, brooding, angry violent character who would never allow himself to be soft or emotional. Sure, he has an ego that he has to protect, and he likes to show off how tough he is on occasion, but Hope's analysis here is accurate - he's literally an eternal teenager who's just trying to figure out where he belongs in the grand scheme of things. Furthermore, Shadow the Hedgehog is great with children and no one will ever ever change my mind on this. So there.

Soon after their talk, Shadow, Rouge, and Omega have gathered at the teleporter for their next foray into the Special Zone. They've christened themselves "Team Dark," something which Rouge and Hope both seem a bit baffled at but which Tower seems to think is apt. They make it back into the Special Zone, and when Feist gloats at them for coming back for another round, both Omega and Shadow become riled, wanting to go on the offensive, though Rouge holds them back. Feist conjures up another challenge for them, this time in the form of a weird 3D-cube-maze-thing, and mocks them as they do their best to find the center. They eventually end up in a chamber with spikes at the bottom and the Chaos Emerald at the center, but Feist covers the emerald with a bunch of multicolored, useless gems, giving Omega the chance to use his beloved guns to blast a hole in them, giving Shadow an opening.

Feist, you're a real asshole, you know that? He brings them back to his sphere… platform… thing to mock them some more, and Omega begins begging for the chance to pursue "Plan B" like an excited child on Christmas. He's delighted when Rouge gives her permission, and immediately launches half his weight in ammunition into Feist's face, having to be literally dragged away from the screaming panda by Rouge to prevent him from standing there and firing at him for the rest of the day.

Woo! Go Team Dark! Hope hugs Shadow and congratulates him, and Tower is similarly pleased, accepting the emerald from his agents and eager to make GUN a "force to be reckoned with" with the power of their two emeralds. Normally, that statement might set off a few red flags, especially concerning these guys' history of, y'know, murdering innocent terminally ill children who get in the way of their bullets, but luckily fifty years has been enough for them to change for the better (I sincerely doubt Shadow would ever agree to work for them otherwise). This issue ends with a single page teasing the next arc of SU, featuring an adult Knuckles and Julie-Su getting ready to leave on some kind of trip and trusting their daughter Lara-Su to take over things while… they're… oh for the love of Chaos, this again?! We're really going back to the future? Only this time, it's thirty years into the future instead of twenty-five. Ugh, I wanted to be done with this AU, but I guess we're careening right back into it… But first, of course, the two-part finale to the sixth era of the preboot, the shortest era so far!

[lewisibarra1512]

My thoughts on the latest Nintendo Direct (13 September 2022)

Well, okay. Had to calm myself down from the things I saw on the latest Nintendo Direct. Yeah, sure. I was dealt with Engage at the beginning, as well as Square Enix hogging up on the latest webisode (despite them committing you-know-what I refuse to say to the public), but there are major things that caught my interest. Here's the rundown after the jump!

It Takes Two - Remember back when Josef Fares officially won game of the year because of how amazing It Takes Two felt? I love the idea of the fact a struggling couple try to file a divorce on each other until, while being turned into anthropomorphic ragdolls, they get swepped up in an adventure while dealing with their relationship. So having it on Switch was the perfect way to either detach Joy-Cons by using them as a controller or just use Pro Controllers as a new feature to work together in co-op mode. If I can convince one of my relatives to play it, it'll be awesome! Hey. I'd be down for a physical release unless it's a priority! Also, I'm going to call it a Game Awards version because it already won last year. Kudos to Fares for making the Oscars look like a joke! *chef's kiss* Love you.

Fatal Frame: Mask of the Lunar Eclipse - Although it was considered a Japan exclusive, having it come to the Switch, alongside other platforms worldwide was a phenomenal move. Even if I... never knew about the lore of it whatsoever, let alone played it before, it's based on a series of survival horror games where in this installment alone, it follows Ruka Minazuki as she and the two surviving girls (the former of which suffered amnesia) must return to the fictional Rougetsu Island in hopes to uncover the truth of how she got captured and where she received amnesia in the first place without any harm. I've never played a Fatal Frame game honestly, but I'm certainly glad this iteration is coming stateside with a bunch of tweaks improved for numerous platforms. If we can get other Wii games ported over to better selling systems without the motion control gimmick, I'd be happy! So happy, I won't have to break anything valuable. Same can be applied for Return to Dream Land DELUXE, but I won't get into that.

The Cosmic Shake - This one's a no brainer. It's a 3D platforming open world adventure where it revolves around Spongebob and Patrick (who unfortunately gotten turned into a floating balloon just for the latter alone) traverse from one Wishworld to another in hopes of figuring out what's going on. I'm not a fan of Nickelodeon, but the idea of bringing Spongebob back into the 3D platforming genre could sparkle an interesting inspiration. I'm gonna have to retort to start making my own with an alien character next time using Game Builder Garage!

OddBallers - Here's something brand new from Ubisoft: OddBallers! It's a hilarious four player party game inspired by dodgeball where instead of a normal game of it, it's all about bombs, tractors, piping hot boomerangs, a non-brakeable car and a giant wrecking ball. Perfect for those who want a laugh! Or not...

Tunic - I've already seen Tunic get announced as an XBOX timed exclusive before it was ported over to PlayStation 4 PRO and PlayStation 5. So having it on Switch made perfect sense! I don't really understand the language surrounding the manual, but unless I have the time of checking it out, I'm taking notes. The game itself? Overall, it looks beautiful and gorgeous. It's basically the Legend of Zelda, but you play as a fox in an isometric point of view.

Story of Seasons and Faefarm - Why did I compile both games together? Because I wanted to remind myself I'm not a huge fan of life simulation games and farm simulators, since they eat up a lot of free time. I apologize in advance if this upsets those who love them, so I'm not going to get into detail...

Sparks of Hope - Oh, boy. This was an experience. When I first heard of Sparks of Hope becoming a spiritual successor to Kingdom Battle, I was honestly excited for it. Until 15 months in prior to the game's release in October, I got kicked in the nads after realizing Rayman's return as a playable DLC character. And surely, I'll never forget the moment where he started committing slap happy crimes around the Glade of Dreams, I backed out and almost screamed in embarrassment. I'm not trying to be funny here; who's idea was it to put a slapping mechanic on a 2D platformer like Origins? Sure, there are three DLC's being developed for the game alone, so I'm pretty sure there might be new characters that are from above and beyond Super Mario. Right? I'm going to get gutted down by everyone, am I?

GoldenEye 007 - While I am patiently waiting for a new Donkey Kong installment (especially Donkey Kong 64 if I ever have the chance of playing it without the silly borders in the way), GoldenEye 007 was the one I missed out. It's based on the 1995 film in which I enjoy doing an impression of James Bond. It's inspired by DOOM and Wolfenstein 3D, but with only James Bond in the middle. Instead of killing Nazis and demons that are out to get you first, you shoot down enemy guards who are protecting every facility from 1986 to 1995 prior to the game's release. It was no surprise to see a game like GoldenEye 007 would achieve 96 on Metacritic and proved to be a worthwhile hit. This was released months after Turok: Dinosaur Hunter got its shot of being released on the N64, despite having major slowdowns caused by multiple enemies appearing onscreen and occasionally awkward controls. Unless DK64 is included, I'll be giving it a shot. Either way, I'll let players enjoy it. Oh, and to those wanting this game on PS4 PRO / PS5 / PC, hate to burst your bubble but you're certainly out of luck. Unless you own a Nintendo Switch or an XBOX Series X, that is!

Mario Strikers: Battle League Football's new update - We've seen Mayor Pauline shine on in Super Mario Odyssey by turning New Donk City into a powerhouse hub world. We've seen her and Diddy Kong become a dynamic duo in Mario Tennis Aces. Pauline next makes her way in to Mario Golf Super Rush regardless of receiving 70 on Metacritic. Both the mayor and the doctor have reached a new high in Mario Kart Tour together, and now... we've come full circle. Diddy Kong and Pauline are now appearing in Battle League Football's next new update. Have I ever told you that both her and him are quickly becoming the next Nova and Maurice? Now you have. ;)

Pikmin 4 - I wasn't really big into Pikmin, but if I have to guess what my favorite alien colours are, it has to be Yellow, White and Pink. And when Pikmin 4 was revealed by the legendary Shigeru Miyamoto, it was a victor for all alien lovers. While Pikmin 3 was safely ported over to the Switch as another reminder why the Wii branding was oversaturated with shovelware nonsense, the development of the game lasted about eight years. Well, that's bull! Why don't we all make motion controls illegal and say it lasted two years? That'll show Data Design Interactive of what they get. Yeah, everyone's excited for this to happen, but I'll just sit here, relax and say "What a wild ride."

Bayonetta 3 - Here's something I've never dipped myself into: Bayonetta 3. While the second installment was funded by Nintendo in 2018 (not bringing that up again), and the first installment being shown off to SEGA successfully on PS3 and XBOX 360 alone, the game picks up where the events left off. The third installment follows the titular 500 year old witch as she's on a mission of her own to do battle against the Homonculi a series of mysterious man-made threats while travelling to the island of Thule, in order to prevent the destruction of various worlds by an evil entity known as the Singularity. However, she's not going to do this alone, as she's bringing in old and new faces, especially a witch-in-training named Viola and her giant companion, to eradicate them all and save their world from total obliteration. It's like a combined blend of Independence Day, Terminator and Hocus Pocus into one, and it's shockingly good for Halloween!

Sifu - What happens when you combine Yie Ar Kung Fu, Mystery Dungeon and Final Fight altogether and turn it into a Bruce Lee inspired action flick based in the 70's? You get Sifu, an action roguelike beat 'em up game where it follows a young child turned master who seeks revenge on those responsible for their father's death. However, there's a catch: For every player's death, there's an age counter that goes up once. But when they die permanently, they're sent back to the beginning unless they're skilled enough to beat the game without taking damage, aging up or die trying. Released on PS4 PRO, PS5 and EGS for Mac, it was a commercial success for French studio Sloclap. Upon being praised for its combat, environments and story, it was later announced the Switch version would be getting the same release treatment. Though it is only for the eShop alone, maybe Limited Run or iam8bit could fill in the role?

Radiant Silvergun - While my friends at TREASURE are currently hard at work developing a new game in time for the 30th anniversary (Game Awards, hint-hint), Radiant Silvergun was the one that should keep shmup players busy before they unveil it later this year. Now, as you may not know, I'm a sucker for shmups. No matter if it's from Toaplan, Cave, Raizing, MOSS or the insanity that is PSIKYO, any shmup can always be enjoyable. Whether it's vertical or horizontal, it can be anyone's guess! And as for Radiant Silvergun, it acts as a prequel to Ikaruga where in the year 2520, three human pilots, one human captain and an anthropomorphic robot venture beyond a giant crystal occupied planet Earth as discovered by scientists, in which they set an explosion on. Allowing the pilots to see what's going on, they discover the Stone Like, a giant sentient being who's purpose was to eradicate humanity as a whole. The two remaining pilots and a struggling robot, the latter of who is nicknamed as the Creator, is sent back 100,000 years to prevent the situation from happening and recreate humanity anew. Just like the majority of every TREASURE game to date, it's full of explosions and batshit insane boss battles, as opposed to ever Michael Bay film. Even if I'm not a fan of his movies whatsoever, making fun of him is easy to do! Likewise, if you're a sucker for shmups like I am, give Radiant Silvergun a try. And if you want to know its successor IKARUGA, pick it up now for Nintendo Switch and PS4 PRO!

Endless Dungeon - Aliens and robots in a roguelike futuristic dungeon? What can I say? Endless Dungeon is a top notch, isometric roguelike adventure that involves protecting a crystal bot while it automatically moves towards a bulkhead door of each level. They'll need to find food, science, industry and Dust Shard in order to survive the perils of an abandoned space station filled with deadly mutants and other dangerous threats. When they die, they're respawned at a saloon bar, asking for upgrades or just talk to NPC's should they resume the journey ahead of them. The game is currently in development by Amplitude Studios under the ownership of SEGA, so seeing the designs of the characters look a lot pleasing!

Disney Speedstorm - If you thought Cruis'n Blast was way better than Mario Kart for Nintendo Switch, you're in for another whopper. Not the Whopper from Burger King, but the actual one: Disney Speedstorm. Developed and published by Gameloft, it's a kart racing game with a darker tone that's marketed as a teenage version of Fast and Furious but with numerous Disney characters. And one notable aspect is that it takes the monumental concept of blur with authentic colours and insane power ups that players can use to win the race. So with Mike being on board, I'm willing to bet Oogie, Rabbit, King Louie and Pleakley can jump in and race with them anytime! Because who doesn't love those sweethearts?

Tears of the Kingdom - Wrapping it up with one last announcement I saw was the long awaited sequel to Breath of the Wild, known as Tears of the Kingdom. I remember playing Breath of the Wild when it was first launched on Switch and got met with critical acclaim. Considering it was inspired by Red Dead Redemption alone, it being taken place on land and in the sky does make sense. It's just an open world, action adventure, hack and slash survival game that follows Link and Zelda on a mystery to see what really happened to the corpse of Ganon. Unlike its predecessor, I promise I won't make the silly mistake of spoiling it again. Since... um, I'm not really a Nintendo fanboy to be honest.

------

Well, that seems about it.

Overall, despite the massive influx of Square Enix games and the majority of anime based projects (in which I fully renounced he-who-must-never-be-spoken in 2015), the Direct was... actually good? My only complaint is that Nintendo should at least implement subtitles while live streaming the web show. Just as how Apple Computers handled their events and the WWDC properly while caring so much about animation and the animators. Yes, I will be getting some games that'll buy me time before a new Donkey Kong title is released. We might see more details of Tears of the Kingdom around the Game Awards, so who knows?

Okay. I'm gonna go to sleep before I get back to work. L8R!