#31f

[suffernotindoubt]

/Me tr us t me/

Avenida de las Americas, algo de cielo

dick sticks

penis pyres

Melodious melancholy

Trust begs to verify; truth beseeches clarity.

[aplaceforthesoul]

Anonymous submitted:

Hi, this might be triggering but I hope it's okay.

I (31F)'ve had suicidal ideation for... I'd say years, I go to a therapist for my self-esteem issues and anxiety and since I was doing pretty good lately, we're working on being more in the moment and connecting to my emotions (which I'm not good at) and I've been trying very hard to get better and take good habits, it works to a degree but I've been feeling very suicidal for 4 days now, it comes and goes, when it gets bad my brain feels like static and I can't focus, and I'm exhausted most of the time,.I was in a meeting at work yesterday and I felt split in two, a part taking notes, reacting, even smiling and making jokes and the other thinking about how to kill myself. When I came home yesterday I ..., I stopped ... because I don't want to cause pain to my friends and family, especially since some of them already have a lot going on, and many of them have lost people close to them in the past, some of them to suicide.

I'm not sure why I'm like that, I have a well-paying job (that I don't like but don't hate), great friends (but no love life since 2013...), but I feel like I'll never achieve anything meaningful or provide the people in my life with something they can't get from literally anyone else close to them. I loathe myself and feel like it would take a few months tops for everyone to realize that they don't miss me, except probably my parents. I think I don't add anything to the world or anyone's life, I'm no one's love, no one's best friend, my job doesn't have meaning, I start personal projects and never finish them and I can barely take care of myself on a day to day basis. But I had a good childhood, no trauma, a degree and a job that give me a good financial situation, I feel like I've got life on easy mode but I'm still failing at it... I feel it would be much better if I died and gave my money to my friends who are struggling and will do much more than me with their lives and to charities (which I already do now, but I mean all of it and my savings).

I don't dare reach out to my friends in such blunt terms because I know it's irrationnal and it'll hurt them, so I sugar coat it and give 10 disclaimers about how I'm acutally fine before talking about these thoughts, so they don't really worry I think, sometimes I feel like they don't believe me but that must be just me thinking that. Reaching out to my parents is unthinkable, they know I see a therapist but I never talk about it with them, when I try to scratch the surface they freak out and unwllingly make me feel guilty about worrying them. I think I mostly needed this off my chest and maybe to get a reply from someone who won't judge or be hurt by what I say. Thank you, that's great it's possible to reach out like that anonymously, I hope you take care of yourself too.

it’s not triggering content for me personally to read, but given some of the graphic description I have removed some content of this submission. I hope that’s alright.

I’m very glad to hear you mention a therapist! that would have been my first question/suggestion - the first step to solving a problem is acknowledging that it exists. honestly that’s half the battle sometimes! you’ve recognised that there’s issues that are affecting you and that something needs to change, and that’s a big step. it might not seem like much, but actively seeking support from others matters a lot and it’s something to be proud of. 

you say that you’re worried your friends wouldn’t believe you if you spoke about this with them....but just quietly, deep down I think that’s your subconscious trying to tell you something. how can your friends take you seriously, when you spend a lot of energy trying to convince them otherwise? ): I’m not judging you friend -- I can understand all the reasons why you try to sugar-coat things and give 10 disclaimers before talking about emotions/mental health, and I can see that part of it truly is coming from a place of love and care for them! but I feel like there also might be a part of you that does all of that because you yourself are fearful of being open and transparent about this with them, which in turn leads to you downplaying the severity of it all, which in turn leads your friends to believe that it’s not too serious, which in turn leads to more worry and fear of judgement...and the cycle continues. 

break. the cycle. that’s something that could help lift some of the fear and stress. talking to a therapist is good!!! it really is, and sometimes it’s easier than talking to friends because the therapist isn’t a friend and there’s “less to lose” so to speak. but talking to friends about something like this is just as important, it really is. you don’t need to give them all the graphic details of exactly how and when and what time you attempted suicide? that’s not entirely necessary, but what is necessary to talk about is your current state of mental health and  how you’re feeling about life at the moment. write it down beforehand, if that helps you to feel more prepared? writing it down could also help you to avoid sugar-coating things, so that your friends do take it seriously and are concerned for you. 

a problem shared is a problem halved, your friends would want to be bothered about this and would want to be there for you. stop downplaying the seriousness of this to them, i have no doubt that doing that will have had an effect on you + your self esteem as well. let us know how things go for you, all the best xxx

- tash

[average-acorn]

once upon a time is found family but only in the sense that this fucking family is scattered across centuries and like four different dimensions so to get a full family tree they gotta run around and pick up dozens of evil little bitches and deadbeat parents over the course of 7 seasons

[niuniente]

MY TIME HAS COME. It's time to go outside tomorrow and day after tomorrow <3

[klaudia2646]

Contemplating. I REALLY need to take the Christmas decorations down but all the boxes are in the basement and I REALLY don’t want to carry them up here 🙃

[lettheladylead]

happy birthday! I love seeing you cross my dashboard. I might be late, idk, but I hope ya had a great day ^^

still got an hour left - thank you so much :)

[opelman]

9 / 9 - NH Industrie NH90 NFH Caïman by Laurent Quérité Via Flickr: Meeting Aérien Airshow French Navy Flottille 31F BAN Le Palyvestre (LFTH) Hyères France IMG_9045

[miwtual]

i hate my sinuses

[lesbienneanarchiste]

😴

[vera-dauriac]

It is beyond cold, so I'm watching Roberto Devereux under a fuzzy blankie and planning to make some spiked coffee soon. It's all about making the best of the situation.

[libertarian-druid-ny-separatist]

Everyone else is cold, but I'm a-okay with my bald head and a T-shirt in freezing temps.

Me: “I can’t be autistic, I don’t have sensory issues.”

Also Me-

- The person who told me to try freezing grapes is my enemy.

- *Physically gagging from trying to eat a freeze dried strawberry*

- “I can’t sleep, my shirt is on.”

- This yogurt had pieces of fruit in it so I will let it spoil in the back of my fridge and die of starvation before I eat it.

- If anyone touches me right now I will become a safety hazard

- *Throwing myself off of furniture*

- Something is crinkling SOMEWHERE in the next room and if I don’t find it and destroy it I will never sleep again.

- This person’s headlights were too bright for 0.5 seconds and now I will have a migraine for the next 4 hours.

- My hands are wet MY HANDS ARE WET MAKE IT STOP

- What do you mean these clothes are dry? They’re clearly still damp, how do you not feel it? They’re still damp!

- These two rocks rubbed against each other and made a noise and I think I may have broken a tooth from clenching my jaw so hard

- If I am forced to wear jeans for more than 0.3 seconds upon entering my home I’m going to start crying

Feel free to add your own

[zhenya4sid]

Maybe I am not a die hard sports fan cause I’d much prefer seeing the games live in my living room under a heated blanket than freeze my ass off walking outside to watch my silly little sports team play

[fandomgeeknerd]

yesterday Nevadan-1 ice-0 today ice-1 nevadain-0 i am an incexperanced desert dweller when it comes to ice that froze over a pool cus i broke my nail all the way down to the skin while throwing it just now

[klaudia2646]

I’m exhausted. That’s how I feel.

I’ve been going back and forth to Iowa City every day. It’s an easy drive but doing it every day takes a lot out of me. David got another scan this morning, most of the blood in his brain is gone. They were supposed to transfer him out of intensive care into a regular bedroom but nothing has happened. They kept saying that they’re waiting for the patient in the bedroom to leave. The problem is that he can’t sleep because it’s so noisy. But regardless he’s supposed to be discharged tomorrow. Thank goodness.

Tomorrow I have to shop for groceries and plan meals. I already told my boss that I’m not going to work of course and hopefully will go on Thursday. David will stay at home for the remainder of the week and we’ll see how he feels on Monday.

Update: David just texted me and told me that he made it to his room. He has a roommate though. That’s unfortunate.

It’s supposed to snow next week. I hope it snows a lot that way I can get a snow day and get paid.

[arun-armand-amadeo]

AITA?

I (514M) recently reconnected with my ex (69M) in Dubai when he came to interview my husband (145M) for a book. Because I erased my ex's memories of our relationship together he had no idea of who I was, so I had to pretend to be a member of the staff for a while.

Eventually I had to reveal my true identity and join in with the interview where my mortal ex was able to expose the role I had to play in the murder of my immortal husband's sister/daughter (47F) and her girlfriend (31F). This made him angry at me and resulted in the end of our 77 year long relationship.

My immortal husband and my mortal ex were also able to recover some other memories that I had erased from an incident in 1973. Neither of them were particularly happy about this, especially my mortal ex as I had somewhat tortured him during the aforementioned incident.

Anyway, during a conversation with my husband about interior decorating I suggested putting up the Ai Wei Wei wallpaper with the Hockney's 'Lemons' which he did not appreciate and instead suggested that we should "leave the wall bare until inspiration entered the room."

AITA for taking this personally? I thought that the 'Lemons' piece would pair quite wonderfully with the Ai Wei Wei wallpaper and I can't understand why my husband wouldn't agree with me?

Edit: Comments on the interior decorating only please. Anyone accusing me of being 'manipulative' will be hunted down for sport.

Edit Edit: No, my husband and I are no longer together. He got back with his ex (262M) who also happens to be my ex as well.

Edit Edit Edit: For people asking about my mortal ex - he is now immortal and I would best describe our relationship as 'complicated' at the moment.

[justalilpearlie]

AITA for celebrating my friend's wife died?

I swear its not what it sounds like!

So a year or two ago I(27M) was put into a sort of hunger games type of death game along with some other people. We have 3 or more lives and once we lose our last one we're out, however every new season we come back and have to play again.

The thing is, I'm out first every single time! It's not funny anymore, I feel cursed, and apparently I am? The eldritch angel beings that watch over us and plan the games seem to have gotten angry at me after a couple friends and I tried to rebel agaisnt them in season 0.

That was until recently, when, in the current season, my friend(30M)'s wife(31F) was eliminated before I was! Apparently she was trying to lure someone into the End with her to push them off into the void? But ended up falling in herself. A bit of an L if I'm being honest :/

Like you could imagine, I was ECSTATIC, it meant the curse was broken! So I was celebrating around, chanting "[friend's wife] is death!" over and over again, and everyone seemed to be happy for me too!

I announced I'd throw a big party next week to celebrate, and thats when I realized my friend wasn't happy at all, in fact he was quite pissed... I think I upset him even worse with my reaction. But no one else seemed to really care anyways! Still, he hasn't talked to me ever since, and I don't really know what to do... Should I go on with the party to celebrate my victory anyways? This is a big thing for me...

AITA??