#306090

[mamul-am]

«Մեր մեքենան տարել են տուգանային հրապարակ»․ Բագրատ Սրբազան

https://mamul.am/am/news/306090

[lizasplanner]

We all want to grow our social media platforms. What an awesome way to make a plan and follow through. These 30-60-90 Day Implementation Plan inserts can assist you in reaching many of your goals in your life. This is just one way to use them. How would you use them? . . . #306090 #306090dayplan #306090method #plannerinserts #plannerinspiration #planner #plannercommunity #a5planner (at Liza's Planner) https://www.instagram.com/p/CS9w_x_FKmu/?utm_medium=tumblr

[photoartteach]

#anotherpreteen #teenmoviestar #perhapsmodeling #sweetlunchdate #306090 #daughterofafriend #nopose (at Spring Natural Kitchen) https://www.instagram.com/p/B3zlqV-AlGb/?igshid=1umbxszi3hgq

[my-ownbestfriend]

"We celebrate 30 days, 60 days and 90 days.."

"So how'd you do it?" they always ask whenever someone claims a sobriety anniversary.

Me? I went broke. I skipped a meeting on my 30 day, so I'll tell you, journal. I'm more comfortable with you anyhow.

-------------------------------------------------------------

The day I decided I needed to make a change (again) I had spent my last dime a week before my next pay. I stayed the night at my friend Maddie's house. I used it simultaneously as a way to spy on Tyler, her roomate, a former fling. I truly enjoy Maddie's company and insight, but there are feelings with Tyler that linger.

Every time I bump into her I remember why I put the distance there in the first place... she's so damn fine though. It's lust. She's smart but there's a level of intellectual disconnect. She's a lot less mature. She doesn't process her emotions well and makes everyone else in the room hurt whe she hurts. I don't have faith in her loyalty. Plus, she uses heavily. I told Becky about her over a cigarette at work and phrased it perfectly.

"She's a perfect person to waste time with... I just don't wanna waste time anymore."

and yet there I was, in their trap. Wasting away and calling it fun.

It was fun. We threw down on a gram of coke, had some beers. I was told we needed to hide the coke from Ty because she was making the effort to be clean. When Mad told me this it stopped me in my tracks. How the tables had turned. Now I'm a fiend.

The last time I'd spent the night with them, months before, I did my best to stay up, engage in their interesting conversations as they did line after line. I made a bed on the floor next to them and eventually dropped at 3 AM because I had to open my store the next morning.

"I wish I still did blow, just for the simple fact that I miss you guys and I don't want to fall asleep. I don't see you enough, I don't want to lose any time."

"I'm really mad you just looked at me and apologized for being clean." Tyler barked back. She kissed my forehead before I fell asleep.

Maddie attacked fatter lines than I'd seen anybody conquer in my life. Especially impressive because she can't weigh more than 100 pounds and stand taller than 5'1. I had to double tap the shit she portioned in front of me, I felt a little childish. Downed them nevertheless. We gossiped, vented, smoked and eventually found ourselves out by the playground of her apartment complex, spread out on blankets painting blank canvases. I started to create something nearly worthwhile, but then my brain kept telling me to start over. By the end of it all my canvas was nothing but a plain purple brown, a combination of too many paints together.

"I'm so fucking artistic but for some reason this is the only thing I can create???" I was swirling the paint around with my fingers, frustrated at myself.

The sun was rising, the birds were chirping, it goes without being said that neither of us slept. There's something gratifying about watching the morning take over the night high on cocaine. It was beautiful.

"I live for days like this, I'm glad I made it out." I only felt slightly pathetic after saying so.

I ubered myself to work a few hours later, Maddie drank herself to bed. Depression, guilt, shame all struck the second I walked into my store, abosring its good energy . A flip of a switch. I knew I looked fucked up. I had to gather myself, watching Becky serving customers behind the counter, my lighthouse through rough waters, there was no way I could lie to her.

I set my belongings down on a table in the back, hopped in line to order a cup of soup, hoping that it'd give me the sustenance I needed. An older woman, 14 year veteran of the store rang me up and forgot the crackers for my soup, so I stood there patiently until someone noticed me.

"What do you need honey?" Becky swooped in.

"Crackers." I said and looked down, my voice cracking.

"What?"

"I need crackers." I said this time, my temper slipping.

She handed me a packet, paused, then gave me five more in a panic as if they were bandages for a wound she wanted, needed to nurse. I walked away before she could make that eye contact with me.

It only took a minute before she trailed behind me as she always does when I decide to dine-in off the clock. We itch for each other's company. She sat down and tried to talk business with me, I wasn't having it. She tried to ask me what was wrong and I gestured toward her with my hand for slience. She seemed offended for a second, but then she understood. I couldn't say anything without bursting into tears. I picked at a few crackers, accepting that nothing was going to make my body feel better. I ended up just throwing the soup away. She wandered into our office after she accepted she wasn't going to break my wall down.

After about 20 minutes, I changed into my uniform and joined her in the office. I started typing away on our desktop in silence, she was counting a till full of money to the left of me. Mindlessly clicking, the words were rising out of my throat.

"So uh.... the next time you go to one of those meetings, you should probably take me along."

without a second to think or breathe-

"Absolutely." "Absolutely, we'll go next monday. And can I just say, I knew it?"

"I fucked up man, I kind of can't believe myself."

"You're only twenty, forgive yourself."

I kept looking at the desktop, tears welling in my eyes.

"You've been more irritable than usual.. I even asked Liz if she thought you were using again.... "

-------------------------------------------------------

The first meeting she took me to, I was coming down off coke again. Though I knew in my soul that the times needed to change I thought I could be in this room full of people and just absorb their tactics of recovery, not fully committed or sure that it's what I wanted for myself in the first place. Observation. They all thought I did great when I shared, I'm not afraid to speak in front of people of course. I looked to the left of me after I shared and Becky was in silent tears. I've never seen her like this. Rarely do I catch glimpses of how much I mean to her, I always savor it.

The topic at the second meeting she took me to was honesty.

"Honestly guys, what lead me here in the first place wasn't the desire to get clean, or even concern for my well being, I'm just here because I'm broke, and I fucking hate being broke. I know I need to care for myself more than I do."

"Thanks Myah." the room chanted in unison.

--------------------------------------------------------------

So how did I do it? I went broke. The rest fell into place. I kept going to these meetings when I felt like isolating myself, or using my new found 21 year old power to waste away at a bar. Sometimes talking, others just listening. My body does feel better, my nose isn't bleeding. There's a lot that I miss. Ultimately what propels me forward is my list of goals I need to achieve, needing the finances to do so. Why'd I have to fall for such an expensive vice? Makes me feel like if I were a millionaire I'd blow it all... literally.

Baby steps.

[simpsonmath]

Playing around with triangles and Pythagorean theorem we derive the 306090 Rule (hiding under washi tape).

[tarunto]

Heard this young professional around downtown in the financial district. I made a 30-60-90 plan shortly after this. #306090 #professional #sketch #youngprofessional #career #plan https://www.instagram.com/p/ByEA_yNAxRi/?igshid=tqiomvw9mhs6

[richardjmv]

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A post shared by JMV (@theonlyjmv)

Taking @306090fitness @equinox Greenwich Ave Tuesday core at 11am, class at 11:30, and Friday class at 12:45 --- LET'S JACK! 💪🏻🏋🏻‍♀️🤸🏻‍♀️ *i don't own the rights to this music* #fitfam #equinoxmademedoit #committosomething #hiit #fitnessprofessional #amazing #bodyodyody #306090 #instagay #instafit #fitness #equinox (at Equinox Greenwich Avenue)

[purevisionnyc]

#currentview while #waiting 4 my #306090 #class 2 #start #currentmood #sunday #routine #funday #hudson #river #nj #architecture #skyline #nycphotographer #iphoneonly #iphone6plus #lifeofanewyorker #newyorker #igers #igdaily #igaddict #igersnyc #picoftheday #pictureoftheday #photooftheday #instadaily #instagram #equinox #printinghouse #westvillage (at Equinox Printing House)

[oliviasolero]

It wasn't/ain't pretty, but I #gotherdone #306090 #redfacedandsweaty #nuffsaid (at Equinox Greenwich Avenue)

[noexcusesfitness24-blog]

"Limitations live only in our minds. But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities become limitless." ~Jamie Paolinetti #NEF #4AMGrind #healthyliving #306090 #QuickFit

[its-elvie-innit]

Efsh efsh efsh

Hi how ya doin in good very good

😇

im glad u r doing well!! I don't know how 306090 triangles work. Please take that halo off your head n tell me what you did :]

[thoughtfullychiefsuit]

via Entrepreneur

[my-ownbestfriend]

"We celebrate 30 days, 60 days and 90 days.." (2)

I had 63 days before I did cocaine again. I was one day un-clean when I went to redeem my 2 month coin. I'd earned it. I showed up to AA for the first time in about a month. I felt like I was lying to god.

Coincidentally it was the same night Becky was being awarded her 5 year coin. Crystal gave her hers, and Becky gave me mine. It involved heartfelt speeches, and a kiss from Becky to me on my forehead.

I sent a picture of my coin to Maddie, someone who thinks of me as a pillar of strength in her recovery. I haven't had the nerve to tell her I've slipped.

[readmetxt]

306090

the type of person i feel like i can trust despite not knowing too well

[babystoreshop]

Baby Shop https://ift.tt/2LCHc8o