#3 of these being from 1988 is funny actually

[vimbry-moved]

[bellaxgiornata]

All These Years [Part 10: "The Weight of Grief"]

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader

[You can find the full series summary and masterlist of installments for All These Years here.]

Warnings/tags: 18+ for this series; contains emotional hurt with no comfort until the final installments, angst, pining, friends to lovers, slowburn, and eventually smut

Word Count: 5.4k

a/n: This one is quite heavy on the angst. Also--if you haven't realized already, the timeline and events of this series aren't exactly canon. Just for clarification. I split this installment into two parts so the next one is actually going to be titled "Last to Know." Feedback is always appreciated! And I have not published this to AO3 with whatever is going on, but I will whenever things have calmed down over there. I just didn't want to leave everyone hanging when I had updates ready!

Tag list: @acharliecoxedfan @theetherealbloom @rotscinema @magnumstyles @roseallisonparker @ofmusesandsecrets @readerhead @paracosmic-murdock @v4leoftears @why-always-me-gosh-please @redbircl @keepingitlokiii @yarrystyleeza @mattkinsella @ms-murdockswift @margoo0 @1988-fiend @lockleywife @strangeobsessed @justalittlebitbored @am-3-thyst @buckybarnes-1917 @thora-jane @lionalsowrites @cloudroomblog @prince-tassel @danzer8705 @yourlocalbentspine

“How about you let me take you out for dinner Saturday night?”

Shouldering your phone against your ear, you continued to distractedly chop vegetables for the late dinner you were making in your kitchen. A smile made its way onto your lips at the prospect of a third date already.

“How bold of you, Adam,” you teased. “Three Saturday nights in a row? A girl might think you like her.”

“Maybe I want the girl to think I like her,” he teased back.

Pausing your chopping, you set the knife down on the cutting board before wiping your hands on the towel next to it. Grabbing your phone from your shoulder, you turned and rested your back against the countertop. Chewing your lip, you felt a faint blush rise to your cheeks.

You’d met Adam through a speed dating event that Karen had dragged you along with her to. That had been about a month ago now. You’d thought the whole idea was terrible and you’d made her promise not to say anything to Foggy or Matt, not wanting either of them to judge you for going. You figured it would make you sound desperate because you were sure Karen wasn’t really having trouble in the dating department. It was clearly a ploy to get you to go in the hopes of finding someone instead of Matt to think about.

And you and Karen had considered the experience successful because you’d instantly clicked with Adam that night. From the moment he sat down at your table and smiled at you, you’d been hooked. He was a veterinary technician with a big heart and a love of animals, something that had immediately won you over with him. He was cute, too. And funny. And he seemed like he was close with his family. With Adam, you found you weren’t actively trying to forget about Matt and push him out of your thoughts. Something that had you instantly drawn to him because no one else had ever accomplished that since you'd met Matt back at Columbia. 

And ever since Matt and Elektra had surprised you at your apartment a few months ago, you'd tried hard to let your feelings for him go. There would never be anything more between you and him, you knew that now. So now you were doing your best to focus on just letting Matt be your friend, especially while you tried to adjust to the new knowledge about his heightened senses and him being the masked man running around the streets of Hell’s Kitchen at night performing heroics. Though now he’d recently become known as Daredevil in the news ever since he'd gotten that protective new suit made for him. And you were glad he had because you'd worried a lot less about his well-being; he was visibly sporting less injuries at least.

But you didn't spend as much time with Matt as you used to, even if you had stopped actively avoiding him. He was often busy with his vigilante endeavors, and it just felt weird and uncomfortable being around him knowing he knew you had feelings for him that he didn't return. And from your knowledge, he had spent the past few months helping Elektra with something. You were certain they were back together again even if you'd never asked and had it confirmed. You didn't want to even think about it.

And as for what he was helping her with–you didn't ask about that either. You weren't as in the know about what was going on as Foggy and Karen seemed to be, and frankly you didn't want to be. Despite having come to accept Matt's secret alter ego, you didn't want to know about anything that involved Elektra. So whenever the topic of her came up, you usually asked about the bare minimum and found a way to quickly exit the conversation–especially when you’d later overheard that Elektra had died, but also apparently had been resurrected from the dead. Which had confused you too much to want to try to understand.

"Well I am free Saturday night," you answered Adam. 

"Should we try that new Italian restaurant?" he asked over the line. "You were talking about craving pasta earlier this week."

The smile on your lips grew wider. You'd told him that offhandedly on the phone three nights ago and apparently he'd remembered. 

"I would like that," you told him. "I'm–"

A few knocks on your apartment door interrupted you, your attention shifting to it across the room. A frown settled on your mouth. It was after seven on a Thursday night, who would be stopping by? You hadn't been expecting company. 

"Hey, Adam, someone's apparently at my door," you told him. "Mind if we finalize the details tomorrow?"

"Not at all," he told you, the smile apparent in his chipper tone. "I'll call you in the evening? After work?"

"That sounds great," you told him.

You exchanged goodbyes before hanging up, setting your phone onto your kitchen counter. Eyeing your door curiously, you made your way across your apartment towards it. It took you a few moments to unlock the door, unlatching the deadbolt before pulling it open.

Your eyebrows rose up high onto your forehead at the unexpected sight of Foggy and Karen standing there. Both of them had red, puffy eyes that were glistening with tears on their sullen faces. Heart beating harder in your chest, your hand tightened around the doorknob you were still holding. Whatever had brought them here couldn't be good, not with the way Foggy’s lips were suddenly trembling as he opened his mouth, clearly struggling to form a sentence. 

And that's when you knew what this visit had to be about. You'd felt the rumble and shaking earlier tonight when you'd been grabbing food at the store on your way home from work. Everyone had been saying it had been an earthquake at the time, but you'd later heard something about a building collapsing nearby in Hell’s Kitchen.

Something must have happened to Matt. There was no other reason for both of them to be standing there looking at you like they were. Not in the state they were in.

Tears immediately stung at your eyes, a feeling of dread washing over you as your gaze danced between the pair of them before you. It felt like your throat was closing up, making it almost impossible for you to swallow. Shaking your head, you felt the first tears fall. 

"No," you said, voice breaking on the word. "No, don't tell me he got hurt."

A choked sob fell out of Karen instantly, your heart feeling like someone had crushed it in their fist at the sound. One of her hands rose up to cover her mouth as she turned away, unable to look at you. Beside her, Foggy sent you an apologetic smile when your eyes met his, but he couldn’t hide the tears present and ready to spill over. 

"There was an–an accident," Foggy said softly. "Matt he was–was out helping those others like him. The ones we'd told you a bit about. They were over at Midland Circle." He paused, exhaling a shuddering breath. "Trying to destroy that Hand group. And they–they blew up the building."

Both of your hands flew to your face at the tremble in Foggy’s voice and the implication of his words. You felt like you were going to be sick.

"No," you repeated, shaking your head more firmly. "No, no he's okay. Tell me he's okay, Foggy!" you shouted.

Foggy said your name softly, stepping into your apartment slowly with his hands raised placatingly as if he was approaching a wild animal. A painful grimace was on his face as he approached you and you took a step back, still shaking your head as more tears streamed down your cheeks.

"He didn't make it out," he whispered. 

"No," you growled through clenched teeth. "No, don't you tell me that! Don’t you fucking tell me that, Foggy!"

"The others said he stayed behind," Foggy continued gently. "Trying to save Elektra."

It felt like you’d been barreled over by a city bus at his words. Matt had stayed behind…to save Elektra? He died for her? The heartless woman who’d only toyed with him? The woman who didn’t even know the beautiful, fragile heart she held in the palm of her hands? Who’d never truly loved him, abandoning him back at Columbia with a shattered heart? The very same heart you’d spent months trying to help him piece back together just for him to give it back to her years later to permanently destroy?

He died for her?

You collapsed to your knees, hot tears steadily pouring down your cheeks. It wasn’t until Foggy was kneeling on the floor before you, his hands gingerly grasping your shoulders and drawing you towards him, that you realized you were screaming. You fought Foggy’s attempts to soothe you, struggling against him as he tried to hold you still. The entire time you heard him repeatedly croaking out ‘I know, I know’ over and over, emotion thick in his own voice. 

“He’s not dead!” you wailed, still thrashing against Foggy. “He’s not dead! Matt’s not dead!!”

“Hey, hey,” Karen said gently, her voice breaking as she kneeled down beside you and Foggy on the floor. “I–I know it’s hard to hear,” she whispered, “but Matt he–he didn’t make it. They–they said they saw him stay behind.”

“Well maybe he made it out!” you cried hysterically, sniffling loudly as the tears didn’t stop falling. “They’re wrong! It’s–it’s Matt we’re talking about, guys! He’s–he’s like a goddamn superhero! He isn’t dead! He can’t be!”

There was no way you would believe Matt was gone. That his smiling face wouldn't still greet you if you headed over to his apartment right now. That he wouldn't be calling you tomorrow night to see if you wanted to grab drinks with him, Foggy, and Karen at Josie’s. That he wouldn’t be making one of his stupid blind jokes to you over a few beers.

He wasn't dead. You'd have known if he was. Felt it somehow.

Matt wasn’t dead.

You shook your head, pulling away out of Foggy’s embrace and roughly wiping the backs of your hands against your tear stained cheeks. Sniffling loudly again, you ignored the pitying looks on their faces.

“Was there a body?” you asked, trying to calm down.

“What?” Foggy asked you.

“Was there a body?” you repeated, forcefully enunciating each word.

“No, not yet,” he answered. “But they just started trying to sort through the rubble. The emergency responders said it could take days for them to sort through the mess.” Foggy’s frown deepened as he said your name again. “It doesn’t sound like he made it.”

“No,” you said firmly, rising back up to your feet and wiping at your eyes again. “I’m not believing it until there’s a body. He’s alive, I know he is.”

Karen sent you a sad smile, tears still falling down her own cheeks. “Okay,” she said softly with a nod. “Let’s give it a few days. Maybe–maybe they were wrong.”

You were kneeling, bent over the pew before you with your forehead resting against your clasped hands. You'd lost track of the time a while ago, unsure how long you'd been here. But your back was now stiff from however long you'd remained stationary in prayer, your knees aching. 

Praying wasn't something you did. You'd never been the religious type, though lately you'd often found yourself seeking solace at Clinton Church. Because it was Matt's church, the place where he told you he grew up going to. The place he had told you he frequented for advice from Father Lantom–who you'd met now with all the time you'd been spending here since Matt had gone missing. The orphanage he grew up in was just next door to this church, too. 

Coming here in the recent days since Matt had disappeared had always made you feel closer to him for some unexplainable reason. Like you could just feel him here in the walls of the church somehow. It was comforting to you, the only comfort you’d come to find over the past couple of weeks.

Despite the fact that everyone had told you he'd been in the building when it collapsed, and that he'd been missing for over two weeks, and the fact that you'd gone to a memorial service for him at this very church just a few days ago, you still absolutely refused to believe Matt was dead. There had never been a body found among the wreckage of Midland Circle–for him or Elektra. Which only cemented it in your mind that he was out there alive somewhere. 

But your friends were not of the same mind. They’d tried to grieve him at his memorial service, and they’d spent many conversations already trying to convince you that the facts all pointed to Matt having passed in the building’s collapse. Foggy had even asked you to explain why Matt wouldn't have reached out to let any of you know he was alive if he really had made it out of the building. All you could think was that he was lying horribly injured somewhere and unable to reach out. That had to be what was going on. 

Because Matt Murdock wasn't dead. He just wasn't. You didn't care that Foggy looked at you now with a different and more infuriating sympathetic look on his face whenever he saw you, one that wasn't just because you were in love with Matt and he didn’t return those feelings. He thought you were in denial and delusional now, unable to accept reality. 

Maybe you were, but you weren’t going to accept his death without proof of a body.

You heard movement nearby as someone came and sat down in the pew beside where you were kneeling. Almost immediately you recognized the scent of incense and smoke and you already knew who’d taken a seat–Father Lantom. Over the past few days he’d been stopping to chat with you, having recognized you from Matt’s memorial service and realizing you’d been showing up often. 

With a sigh you lifted your head, turning and glancing at Father Lantom in the pew. He was smiling at you, the expression somehow reassuring and comforting just like the church itself. Pushing yourself away from the kneeler, you settled into the pew beside him, your focus on your hands in your lap.

“You’re back again today,” Father Lantom observed.

“I come every day after work,” you muttered.

“You do,” he agreed lightly. “And how’re you feeling today?”

Your hands clenched into fists in your lap. “Furious,” you answered, eyes still focused on your hands. “I’m still angry. Probably more angry than anything lately.” 

Out of the corner of your eye you saw Father Lantom nod. He shifted in the pew, turning to face you more fully.

“Anger is a common reaction when a loved one is taken from us,” he told you. “Especially when the loss is so unexpected.”

Your head darted up, your eyes brimming with tears as you focused on the priest beside you. “He’s not dead,” you stated, shaking your head firmly. “I told you that. He’s not dead.”

Something flickered across Father Lantom’s face briefly before his lips pressed into a thin line, his expression becoming something neutral. He nodded his head just once. 

“So much like Matthew yourself,” he mused. “He was always stubborn. Ever since he was a boy, really. When he had an idea in his head you couldn’t shake it from him for anything.”

A tear slipped out of your eye, your hand darting up to quickly wipe it away as your focus shifted to the large crucifix at the front of the church. It was the one thing you didn’t like about Clinton Church–the way Christ was always staring back at you from within the sanctuary, battered and bleeding on the cross. It felt too much like Matt.

“I miss him,” you whispered, eyes falling back down to your hands in your lap. 

I still love him.

“Well,” Father Lantom began slowly, “the most we can do for those we’ve lost–however it is that we’ve lost them–is to keep on living. I believe Matthew would want that for you. To keep living your life. To move forward.”

“I feel like all I’ve done is move backwards,” you admitted quietly, your fingers twisting around each other now. “I barely sleep. I can’t focus at work. I broke things off with the guy I was seeing not too long ago because I just can’t–can’t pretend everything is okay. Because it’s not, nothing is.”

Father Lantom sighed loudly, shifting in the pew beside you to clasp his own hands in his lap. His mouth opened as if he was about to speak, but you saw his focus shift towards a nun, your own eyes following the movement. She looked quite stern as she eyed the priest beside you, almost like she was trying to tell him something with her eyes, but when her attention turned to you her expression softened. You swore she offered you a smile before you ducked your head, tears once again threatening to fall. 

You abruptly rose to your feet, the threat of tears urging you to seek the solitude of your apartment before you broke down publicly in the church. That was usually your cue to leave.

“Going already?” Father Lantom asked in surprise.

“Yeah,” you mumbled, turning away from him and making your way towards the other end of the pew. “I’m sure I’ll be back tomorrow, though. And the next day.”

Matt’s hand tentatively reached out, fingers brushing over the cool stone of the statue. He could feel the grainy texture of it under the pads of his fingers. Each and every little divot in the stone. His sense of touch hadn’t really been affected by the collapse of Midland Circle, not quite, but what a shitty and useless sense to have retained. All it did was make him further aware of how uncomfortable the cheap cotton clothes he was wearing felt on his skin, and how scratchy the little bed he attempted to sleep in every night felt underneath him. It only brought him further discomfort and pain to match his injuries.

His hearing hadn’t fully come back to him, either; it was often touch and go. Sometimes he’d hear a ringing in one or both of his ears if it didn’t sound like he was underwater. He also hadn’t regained his heightened sense of taste–didn’t matter what food Sister Maggie brought him, it all tasted like blood and ash. And his sense of smell was basically nonexistent. He hadn’t been able to smell a damn thing besides smoke since he’d woken up in the undercroft of Clinton Church. He was utterly and pathetically useless without his senses. Just plodding around clumsily with a cane and tripping over his own goddamn feet in the church’s basement.

Yet for some reason, he still found himself trying. Which is what he’d been up out of his bed trying to do now as he attempted to map out the space he was in. He had no idea what time of day it was–it’s not like he could hear much besides the room he was in to even gauge time–and he was becoming stir crazy trapped in this church basement trying to heal. So he’d been up the past few minutes wandering around, his cane left hanging off one of the statues somewhere in the room. He honestly didn’t even know where, which wouldn’t have been the case if he’d been back to his normal self. Something that only further pissed him off.

Matt took a handful of careful steps forward, focusing intensely on where he was going. But as he took one more step, his foot hit something solid and he lost his balance. He fell to the floor, his hands flying out to try to brace himself for the impact, but he’d cut his palm on the corner of something sharp before he landed roughly on his side. He groaned out, his eyes closing as he curled into a ball.

He wished he’d have died in that goddamn building. 

But that wasn’t quite true. What he’d really wished was that Elektra hadn’t been so dead set on getting her hands on what the Hand had been after. That she hadn’t become the Hand’s puppet when they’d resurrected her as the Black Sky. If she’d have just listened to him he wouldn’t have stayed behind. He wouldn’t have felt the need to try to save her. Because despite the hurt she’d put him through, despite the way she’d broken his heart those years ago, he couldn’t just leave her to die. That wasn’t him. But ever since he’d woken up after he’d been dragged out of that wreckage, he’d hated her for having made him make that choice. For not just leaving with him and everyone else. For choosing to die trying to get what she wanted, and in true Elektra fashion, dragging him down with her.

But it wasn’t Elektra he’d been thinking about when the building had collapsed and he knew he was about to die.

It was you.

Every moment he’d ever had with you felt like it raced through his mind in a matter of seconds. The first time he’d stumbled on you on campus, when you'd stopped to help that stranger pick up their spilled belongings and you’d been so unbelievably kind. All that time he’d spent searching Columbia's campus for a sign of you afterwards. The unexplainable excitement when he’d accidentally ran into you at the library and finally got your name and your phone number. And every good memory he had of you ever since then; all of those Saturday nights he’d spent with you and Foggy, and the times he got you all to himself when Foggy had inevitably passed out early in his bed. Every conversation at meal times in the dining hall. He recalled graduation night when he’d almost kissed you, almost told you he loved you–and he regretted it so much right now that he’d never just said it back then. 

He recalled every moment with you that he could–every single one of them. Because he wanted you to be his dying thought.

As the building fell around him, Elektra had been shouting something at him, trying to rile him up one last time, but he hadn’t been paying attention to her because he’d been trying to remember the way it felt when he held you in his arms. You’d always fit so perfectly against him. He’d tried his hardest to recall the scent of your shampoo–something faintly floral and sweet, but never overpowering–and the softness of your hair the times he’d been bold enough to press his nose into it. You almost always buried your face into his left shoulder when he embraced you, a small random detail, but one he always remembered nevertheless. Your arms always wrapped around him so hesitant at first, but then you’d almost melt into him for a moment, expelling the softest little sigh that he always wondered about, even then in that moment. 

And that’s what Matt believed would be his last thought. The memory of that soft, contented sigh that always confused him whenever you hugged him.

Except it wasn’t his last thought because he hadn’t died in the explosion. He’d somehow been spared. Saved. But all he could think about since he had woken without his senses was how absurd that was considering God had clearly turned his back on him. He’d been spared for what? What was the point of him without his heightened senses that he’d always thought God had bestowed on him?

So he’d decided to let Matt Murdock die at Midland Circle. He figured he would finally listen to Stick–he’d cut out the people in his life he cared about who cared about him in order to keep them safe. Foggy, Karen, and you.

You were all safer without him. Safer thinking he was dead and gone.

And then he would just be Daredevil. Nothing left to live for, nothing left to lose.

Matt heard the faint, muddled sound of footsteps hitting his ears as someone descended the church’s basement steps. The sound pulled him from his bleak thoughts. Gradually he pushed himself upright, leaning against the stone of whatever it was he’d tripped over. He wasn’t surprised when he heard Sister Maggie’s voice speak a moment later. It was only ever her or Father Lantom that checked on him down here to begin with.

“What on earth are you doing on the floor?” Sister Maggie asked.

Matt huffed out a frustrated breath from his place on the hard floor. He could hear Maggie’s footsteps approaching him and he tried to focus on them, attempting to lock on to her movement in the room.

“Falling, apparently,” he muttered bitterly.

He heard the way Sister Maggie sighed, the noise coming from nearby. He realized she’d lowered to sit on the floor next to him a few seconds later when he registered her body temperature near his right side.

“I brought you something,” she told him.

“I’m guessing food?” he asked flatly. “Not like I can smell anything still. Everything tastes the same too–like blood and ash.”

Matt felt Sister Maggie press something into his hand. It was long and cylindrical. Wrapped in something like a wax paper wrapping. 

“It’s a sandwich from the deli nearby,” she said. “Thought you might enjoy it more than the soup Sister Ethel made tonight for the children.”

Matt’s fingers ran over the paper wrapper for a moment, trying to ignore the stirring in his chest at the kind gesture from Sister Maggie.

“Thank you,” Matt murmured.

He heard her unscrew the cap of something next. It sounded like a pill bottle; the sound of a few pills rattled out of it and into her hand.

“Brought you water, too,” she continued. “And you need to keep taking these.”

Matt held out a hand expectantly, waiting for her to drop the two pills into his upturned palm as she came down here to do every few hours. When she did, he quickly tossed them into his mouth. Holding out his hand again, Sister Maggie handed him an opened bottle of water. He drank down the pills, frowning as he swallowed and stared blankly ahead. 

“How’s the hearing?” she asked.

Matt made a face, the fingers of his left hand absently fiddling with the sandwich wrapper again. “Still can’t hear for shit,” he replied.

“Well your body took quite a beating,” she told him. “Everything’s swollen. Maybe your hearing will come back when it goes down.” There was a brief pause before she added, “Or maybe it’ll come back when you finally take your head out of your ass.”

A sharp, bitter laugh fell out of Matt at her words. He hadn’t been expecting that, but she'd been full of crass and unexpected comments like that since he'd woken here. 

Humorless laughter subsiding quickly, a heavy silence fell around the pair of them. Matt didn't need his extra senses to know there was more she wanted to say. And he had a feeling he knew what it would be, too.

"What?" he asked. 

He briefly registered the sound of Sister Maggie’s shoes lightly tapping along the cement floor, almost like a nervous fidget. Matt's frown only deepened as he waited in silence. 

"She was back again this evening," she eventually said.

Matt's eyelids slowly lowered, his heart feeling like it sank to the floor beside him. She didn't have to even say your name, he knew she meant you. Father Lantom had told him he'd seen you every day here for over a week now. Always bent over a pew in prayer–which was odd because he knew you weren't religious and you weren’t a parishioner at Clinton Church.

"Who is she?" Sister Maggie asked curiously. "She comes here everyday grieving over you. I saw her at your memorial service with those friends of yours that you refuse to call friends.”

“Just someone who used to be a friend, too,” Matt mumbled morosely.

“Seems like more than a friend with how often she frequents this church because of you,” Sister Maggie replied. “Paul seems to think so, too.”

Matt’s head darted towards her at her words, his brows furrowing. “Father Lantom has spoken with her?” he asked. “He’s never told me that.”

“Mmm, oh yes,” Maggie answered. “Often. She comes around the same time every evening. Just after work. Always praying silently in the same pew. Paul says she doesn’t believe you’ve actually died.”

Matt’s brows drew together even further on his forehead, his mouth going dry. “What?” he breathed out.

“She refuses to believe you're dead without a body,” Sister Maggie explained. “And she’d be right, because you aren’t dead. But you are stubborn as hell, though. Tormenting your friends like this. Letting them think you’re dead and forcing them to mourn the loss of you. Letting that poor young woman up there put her life on hold–”

“She’s not putting her life on hold,” Matt cut her off sharply. “She’ll move on soon enough.”

Sister Maggie drew in a deep breath, silence once again falling between the pair of them. Matt’s attention shifted back to the space in front of him. His fingers were still absently fiddling with the sandwich wrapper.

Why were you coming here every day praying for him though? Refusing to believe he’d died? Why not just mourn with Foggy and Karen and move on already? Just forget about him. He wasn’t any good for you anyway. You deserved a better friend, one who wasn’t in love with you and keeping your secret from Foggy just because he was selfish.

“Was she more than your friend, Matthew?”

The question broke through his thoughts, Matt’s face scrunching together in confusion at the unexpectedness of it. Why would she even ask that?

“No,” he said firmly, shaking his head. “She’s just a friend. From Columbia.”

“Hmm,” Sister Maggie hummed curiously. “But you love her, don’t you?”

Matt’s teeth grit together, his jaw clenching in frustration at that question. He had been trying his best to ignore those feelings. And also–how the hell could she possibly know that?

“You flinch everytime Paul or I say her name,” she clarified. “Every time we tell you she’s been by the church crying again. It hurts you that she’s hurting. I can see it plain on your face, Matthew. It’s killing you.”

“She’s not safe being around me,” Matt ground out.

Sister Maggie scoffed loudly. “That’s bullshit and self-pity talking,” she shot back. “Clearly the woman loves you, too. Why keep up the lie? Why keep hurting her?”

Matt shook his head, his fist tightening around the bottle of water in his right hand. “She’s in love with our mutual best friend. She’s told me that already,” he gritted out. “And she’ll move on from the loss of me.”

He heard the frustrated sigh come from the nun beside him, vaguely aware of her rising back up to her feet. For some reason the thought of her leaving him alone again down here had him grinding his teeth harder together. He didn’t want to be alone. But it was better if he learned to live like that.

“I think you’re being foolish and stupid,” Sister Maggie stated bluntly. “Causing undue harm to those you love most–and it's only going to backfire on you. And if you really think that young woman repeatedly coming here doesn’t have feelings for you, you’re more foolish than I ever thought.”

Sister Maggie’s steps slowly grew fainter and fainter until he could no longer hear them anymore. His focus shifted down to the sandwich in his lap that she’d brought him, his fingers carefully tearing the paper open.

She didn’t know what she was talking about, he thought angrily to himself. Sister Maggie couldn’t possibly understand the decisions he’d made or why you kept coming to Clinton Church. He’d been one of your best friends–a shitty one, truthfully–and you were grieving. That was all.

[yall-hate-kids-tourney]

Loser Round 4: Damian Wayne (DC) vs. Jason Todd (DC)

A rematch? It's so funny how the bracket turned out this way.

Propaganda under the cut.

Damian Wayne (9-14):

Damian is a kid who was raised as an assassin and because of that when he first appears he has some really messed up ideas of how to prove himself to his father by being aggressive with the criminals they capture and attacking his brother. Because of this people act like he is the most evil character ever and refuse to give him any grace. They make him out to be this awful irredeemable monster who just wants to kill his brother and hurt people. If the fandom isn’t making his out to be The Worst(tm) then they are ignoring his existence all-together. He is a really interesting character who has done some not so great things but he’s grown and learned a lot through various character arcs (as much of an arc as a comic book character can have) and he deserves to be acknowledged for himself and not just as a villain so that people can woobify his brother.

——

HES JUST A LITTLE BABY GUY!!!!! Little baby man raised as an assassin and learning how to be a real person <3. But because he was kind of a dick and also a little stabby early-on, especially to the fandom's main "so sad uwu depressed baby" blorbo (and also he's not white), people treat him like he's satan incarnate

Jason Todd (~12):

Most of the Tumblr fandom likes this guy but if you step outside this website then wham so many people say he got what he deserved as a kid and Batman can't be cool if he's a dad so it's important for Batman to trash-talk his dead child constantly so we can all agree what a bad idea it was. Also wanna highlight that a lot of the records we have from fans at the time were clear they disliked Robin for BEING a child. Like a lot of the little dude characters in this tournament are treated too harshly for making an ugly choice and the fans aren't being understanding or sympathetic that the choice is made by a child character who is immature and not developed and strong enough to make a good choice and stuff. But THIS little dude was specifically hated FOR being a child. People wanted tough loner guy Batman not Batdad and his little buddy. The first Robin would drive back from college and guest star sometimes and be advertised as the Teen Wonder and people were like yeah okay but then Batman actually starts being a single parent for a child with needs and people were like UGH not the BOY Wonder. Today pretty much everywhere you see Batman fans saying Batman is better solo, no kid, it's not realistic to have a kid, a kid shouldn't be in the movies blah. Even if the comics they always find a way to send away the new kid so that Batman never has to parent. So all the Robins are being excluded from the narrative but I think this one is THE symbol of Batman fans hating a child character just for being a child.

-

Robin, Jason Todd, THE hated child character. In the 1980s, Batman comics had become increasingly dark and gritty. According to editor O'Neil himself, the courted audience wasn't kids but 19-40 year old men with disposable income. Batman's child sidekick, Robin, was offensively campy and childish. Fans called him wimpy, annoying, dumb, bratty, etc. Also people complained that Batman acting like an affectionate dad was unmanly and gay. Robin acts violent and emotional and people are like "ew he's so childish and emotional"—and then Batman literally acts just as murderously and emotionally within literally the same exact story and people are like "wow he's so dark and tortured". So in 1988 (after brutalizing Batgirl to get rid of her for being too bright and nice and kid-friendly), DC held a paid poll for fans to vote for Robin to live or die. O'Neil claims he heard a fan (a grown man with a dayjob as a lawyer) programmed a phone to spam kill votes. One fanguy claimed that he sold his Mercedes to buy kill votes (probably an exaggeration but still). By less than 1% margin, the vote decided to kill Robin in a spectacularly violent way. Anyway the 1989 Batman movie brought in a huge wave of new child comicbook fans who liked the new Robin (a very cool teenage high school Robin with a driver's license and a girlfriend), and DC started a separate Robin-less Batman series called Legends of the Dark Knight to make the anti-Robin writers and fans happy. But to this day, many fans agree it was a good idea to kill off the other Robin so that his foolish death reminds other characters to never be childish and stupid again. Bonus: the current Robin (usually a traumatized 10-year-old) has also been facing some pretty loud hatred for over 15 years.

[canonmisogynyvictimstournament]

PROPAGANDA

KATHERINA MINOLA (THE TAMING OF THE SHREW) (CW: Domestic Abuse)

1.) We had to read this for English my senior year. I got so mad at the way she's treated. She's the titular "shrew" of the play. She has to be married off before her younger sister can get married, because that makes sense.

Then the most dogshit man imaginable comes along, and everybody thinks they're perfect. He literally gaslights her and denies her food and water.

Fuck Petruchio and Katherine Minola deserved better!

2.) Literally the whole play is about how she is so awful that the main guy needs to change her entire personality, which he does as a challenge not because he likes her, and then proceeds to her abuse her for the rest of the play. Yet, he is portrayed as the hero, not a villain and she is shown to have "improved" at the end. People will say, oh it's open to interpretation, it can be played different ways, it's satire, but i don't find abuse funny and there is a distinct lack of commentary in the play to count as satire imo. Taming of the Shrew is a tragedy not a comedy, I will die on this hill. Kate deserves better!

3.) The title isn’t joking, ya’ll. She literally gets broken like a rebellious feral animal and it’s treated as a happy ending.

BARBARARA GORDON (DC COMICS) (CW: Ableism)

1.) Famously fridged in 1988, which was so popular with misogynists it became canon. After almost 2 decades of being one of the only disabled characters, was rebooted to a younger, more fun version of herself whose only history is that she was fridged but not disabled by it.

2.) The Killing Joke is one of the biggest comic examples of a female character getting hurt to motivate male characters. Also tbe way different cannons will trade off who her romantic intrest is out of Batfamily is pretty disturbing ranging from Bruce Wayne in Batman the Animated series universe (ew) to Tim Drake in the Arkham games (ew). Not to mention DC now is not letting her grow out of being Batgirl taking away her legacy of other young female heroes taking up her mantle and her getting to mentor them instead forcing her into a Batgirl cycle of purgatory when she was always better as Oracle (Its a little more complicated in the new Batgirl book but its still not solving the issues in a way that feels meaningful enough to make up the damage).

3.) Was shot as angst value for Bruce and her dad, implied to be sexually assaulted in The Killing Joke with absolutely no respect for her long career as Batgirl. When Alan Moore asked if he could, the editor said "cripple the bitch." She became paralyzed from the waist down. THankfully, an actually good writer picked her up from there and then wrote one of the best stories ever written (Oracle Year One: Born from Hope). Was one of the most iconic disabled characters in comic book history, hell, as Oracle, she was definitely up there as one of the most iconic disabled characters ever as well as a fantastic character, period. There were a few moments where people kept trying to make things out of her disability and had her be shitty to other women for no reason but for the most part, she was awesome. During her time In 2011, Dan Didio and some other misogynistic/ableist comic book writers were responsible for "curing" her disability and forcing her back into Batgirl, despite her having shown absolutely no desire to do so, as part of the New 52. They also made it an editorial mandate that she couldn't have glasses, a cool secret base, and her time as Oracle couldn't be referenced. This was because those writers were nostalgic for the 60s Batman show where Babs was played by an actress they all had the hots for and couldn't accept she'd grown up and moved on. That was bad enough, but over time, she's been increasingly deaged and reduced even further to just Dick Grayson's on and off again girlfriend and a generic girlboss. Batgirl of Burnsides burn in hell.

[harrisonarchive]

Photo © Newscom.

Q: “But you do exercise free choice and you have chosen to do with your life what you’re doing with your life, to express yourself with your music and to try to tell other people.” George Harrison: “To a degree but… I, I don’t really choose — I mean, this is a funny thing to say, in some respects my life, to be me I’m not sure if it is a blessing or a curse, you see, because the blessing is that you’re rich and famous and all this looks rosy but on the other hand behind the scenes to know what then you expect from yourself by knowing what you know through being what you… that’s the thing of learning and knowledge, and then of what others expect of you, and then all the million situations you get involved in by being that person. You know, this goes like anybody who goes through a similar sort of situation, then in some respects it’s a pain in the neck.” Q: “Is it sometimes quite lonely?” GH: “Sure, sometimes it is. You know, sometimes it’s hard, you just like to be anonymous, you know, sometimes I just like to be invisible, even after ten or whatever, twelve years of that, I still find it… I can’t even go out — if I wanna go out and watch somebody singing at the Roxy or something, I go in there and it’s like, it’s like the club tilts, you know, over and I become part of the show and that’s amazing after all that time. Sometimes it’s nice to be invisible and just go out and just be nobody.” - radio interview, August 1975 “[W]e all have concepts of each other, you know? And the concept is that somebody see me on a plane or in the street or something, and they immediately, they remember all this Beatle stuff and they have this concept of me as that person. But, but in reality, I don’t go around thinking of myself as George Harrison, the Beatle or whatever, I — you know, I do now, ‘cause I’m on the television, but normally, I’m just like you, you know, just like everybody else — I’m just a human, and sometimes you have to, rather than just be ordinary, you have to, you know, make an effort to be more ordinary, inasmuch as they will calm down and try to see that there’s actually a person in here other than this big myth about The Beatles, you know, that’s all.” - George Harrison, The Midday Show, February 1988 “People used to say George was a recluse, but he would say: ‘well, I just don't go where you go,’ or ‘I don't go where the press is, or to those sorts of places.’ We had a lot of friends and had quite a social life. You can put on this other persona and be low key about it. We never travelled with anybody, we just went on our own. George travelled on his own. The less attention you call to yourself the easier it is. That was his philosophy.” - Olivia Harrison, The Australian, March 3, 2005 (x)

[little1too1dramatic]

2nd Week; 5 movies for Lolitas

Hiii (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧ You know, I´m something of a movie buff. However, this time I didn´t go for the best, or even the ones I enjoyed most (even if I liked all of the entries, of course) or even the objectivelly (critically) best ones. I think that those are good films for lolitas for various reasons. And spoiler - you won´t find Kamikaze Girls nor Marie Antoinette there.  1. Gypsy 83 Gypsy 83 is actually a goth film, but I feel like everyone who is a part of some subculture should see it. It´s about two friends, one who is struggling as a gay goth kid from a conservative town and one who is a plus size woman (with a lot of mommy issues) and their way to New York for Stevie Nicks night. Speaking of quality in road trip genre, it´s not another Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, but it´s about being true to yourself, even if your surroundings continue to let you down. Also, I love the soundtrack and wardrobes of our main characters! Honestly, maybe just skip it and watch Priscilla, Queen of the Desert? Less goths, but more drag queens.  2. Devil Wears Prada What does beggining of worst era for style and setting in a fashion magazine in common with EGL?  Honest love for fashion. Everyone who likes to watch out for trends, or likes their history, should watch this movie about people willing to do everything for fashion. Also, Meryl Streep is really chic here. Everyone feeling too old to dress nicely should watch her. 

3. Angelika Even though this might look a bit rough, the story is set in baroque and magnificent French castles. Gothic and baroque - the most lolita-sque of all historical styles.  If beautiful set isn´t enough, you will still love costumes! Angelika has a big wardrobe, so everyone will find something.If you don´t know this series of films, you should read about it first. It´s quite explicit, so you might prepare for it. 4. Adéla ještě nevečeřela/Ádela Has Not Had Her Supper Yet Czech film, a period detective sci-fi comedy. We made a lot of them, it was hard to film something contemporary (and even harder to make it any good) during socialism.   The influence of Edwardian era on lolita shouldn´t be underplayed, which is why I recommend Downton Abbey, but this feels closer to me. Adéla is a very funny detective comedy with great stylization, which makes it cool to watch even if you don´t enjoy the costumes.  Fun fact: Robert Redford was supposed to play main character.

Honorable mention goes to Titanic. 5. Amadeus I heard it´s one of the best films around? Well, it´s not my favourite, even if I adore Miloš Forman, but it´s gorgeous. From costumes, to pre-revolution Prague (don´t let them fool you, Vienna wouldn´t be so fabulour in 1988). Since it´s about the one and only Mozart, a lot of scenes are in opera, which is fabulous. And the mascarade scene? Roccoco i sone of my favourite eras, and it´s depicted beautifully here. Dear god. Theodore Pištěk won Academy Award for this and it´s easy to see why.

[hardworkandguts]

Project A-Ko

プロジェクトA子

(Anime)

Action Comedy series

Era: 1980s

Rating: Project A-Ko: S, 2: B, 3: C, 4: C Overall:A

Plot: Girls doing AMAZING things.

Thoughts: Considered doing the OVAs on a different post, but I'll just do everything here at once since it's a continuity. Anyway, this has a very Gainax "we love what we do and we love doing it" feeling to it, and many people working here would a couple of years later be doing animation for Gunbuster, and it even feels like something the studio would do. Along the copious fanservice (in both senses) and cheesy 80s music, there's a city rebuilt after a spaceship crashed on top of it, and our main girl Eiko "A-Ko" Magami, who for some never explained reason is inhumanely fast and strong, Shill "C-Ko" Kotobuki, the kinda ditzy crybaby who's incredibly attached to her and loves her more than anything in the world and Biko "B-Ko" Daitokuji, who wants to break them apart and take C-Ko to herself, using increasingly bigger mechas (never explained how she built them) to settle a dispute she had in kindergarten with A-Ko. In the middle of them wrecking their school and then the city there's an alien invasion led by an alcoholic captain, searching for a lost princess who they believe to be C-Ko. Guess what, also never explained if that's true or not. We're just here for 80s cheesy music, the vibes and explosions, and boy, there's a lot of that here. Visually, it's not that different from your average TV anime of the time, only with that often elusive thing called "budget for Inbetweens". Great fun. That scene of A-Ko jumping between missiles? Classic.

Moving on to 1987 and Plot of the Daitokuji Financial Group, the first of the OVA sequels. It's a few weeks after the alien spaceship crashed, and they turned into an hotel and resort hoping to pay for the repairs. Meanwhile, Hikaru Daitokuji, B-Ko's dad and military contractor is interested in getting the technology of the alien spaceship for his own use. All in all, it adds a bit more fun and to the story, while not being exactly a must see. Also adds one of the best gremlin faces I've ever seen that is going to get it's own post. Following that, the third OVA, Cinderella Rhapsody (1988) brings another love triangle to the mix with the addition of Kei, a quiet biker to the mix, with the usual consequences for the poor spaceship when A-Ko and B-Ko get a bit too intense over him. A new bit of information is that their bickering and the presence of the alien spaceship has become a bit too frequent and there's a voluntary municipal defense force with its own super robots to control damage, and that A-Ko's bracelets are actually there to limit her power, but I feel it's a bit unfocused and tries to do a bit too much with limited runtime. Shout out to the absolutely gorgeous introduction. The third and final OVA (there's an unrelated crossover, but that's for some other time) is Final (1989), set to the invasion of earth by the aliens trying to rescue the princess during the arranged marriage of Ayumi to Kei, who's still very much in love with C-Ko and have A-Ko and B-Ko fighting everything, even each other over him, in a love triangle now with five players nobody is interested in the other person (well, A-Ko really likes C-Ko, but is it romantic?).

Looking over the OVAs, I think keeping some of the ambiguity and unanswered questions would be fine - what if Ayumi was really the princess all along and Napolipolita and D were just so bored and wanting to go home they jumped to conclusions? But maybe C-Ko returned not because her mother saw she'd only be happy on earth, but because they really got it wrong. Who knows. Now I'm doing the same thing of overthinking the show of the girls in sailor suits destroying a school fighting each other.

Recommended to: do you like having fun?

Plus:

Pure "turn off your brain and enjoy the show" entertainment

Funny faces (you know what's coming)

Minus:

OVAs are fun to watch but not exactly necessary watching.

[freddiemercurylegendabovelegends]

November 2015 - JO DARE: A STRONG VOICE

🔸Remembering Freddie Mercury

1) Do you consider yourself as a QUEEN fan? If so, which is your all-time fave QUEEN song? Did you have the chance to see them in concert?

I am a Huge Queen Fan, My favorite Song is Bohemian Rhapsody. No I never got to see them in concert.

2) In which circumstances did you hear for the first time the song “Bohemian Rhapsody”? What effect had this song on you?

I heard it On Tape When it first came out and just lost my mind... Perhaps i heard it On Radio I'm not sure but, it just blew me away!

3) How did you meet Freddie Mercury for the very first time? What were your impressions about him after meeting in person?

I was in Munich at MusicLand Studio recording my music with Mack. Freddie came in and I couldn't believe it! He was so nice to me and we became fast friends.

4) It’s been 30 years since the filming of the video of “Living On My Own”, tell us about your participation in that video. How was the filming? Do you remember any funny story during the filming of that video?

Freddie asked me if I wanted to be a part of the video for "Living on My Own". Of course I said yes. It was 4 or 5 days after the actual party. This was so everybody could recuperate from the festivities. We all had a great time and were acting kind of foolish. Some of the guys would lose their skirts, probably on purpose. The filming of the video was just like being at the actual party.

5) What do you think about the remix of"Living On My Own" made in 1993? Did you like it?

Yes! Very creative MIX! Jim Beach did it. He was very responsible to create that version. It was number 1 in the euro discos.

6) Tell us about the recording of the song “Hold On”. How did it happen this opportunity? Did you and Freddie record your vocals together or separate? How can you qualify this experience of recording a track with Freddie? Did you like the final result of this song?

He was in Studio a lot, while I was recording. One day, he just grabbed my hand and said, "Why don't we do something together, darling"? I said, “Of course"! It was a very nice experience. I loved the final result of "Hold On"!

7) Please, tell us about your friendship with Freddie Mercury. How was Freddie with his friends? Were you in touch with Freddie? When was the last time you see him?

The Last Time I Saw him was when I was moving back to NYC in 1988 and yes, it was a sad Good Bye.

8) In which circumstances did you know about Freddie’s passing away on November 24th 1991? How did you take these sad news? How did you react?

Well, unfortunately, I knew it was coming. I was praying for more time for him like most people. I was in New York, so I heard it on the radio. I wasn't ready for it and it still breaks my heart to this day!

(read more: https://royaltrilogy.blogspot.com/2015/11/jo-dare-strong-voice.html?m=1)

📸 Freddie Mercury, Jo Dare and Reinhold Mack, German record producer and sound engineer

[kuuderekun]

The Overflow Wiki has Birthdates including Gregorian Calendar Years for the School Days Characters.

On their Character Pages, but the Timeline page itself states no Year dates are definitively given.

And I don't think the years given on these pages had enough thought put into them based on how Japanese School Years work.

You see in Japan the School Years is April-March So I'm pretty sure that means Setsuna being born in February and Saionji in December of 1988 would not actually be in the same Grade. Now if their Birthdays do come from Canonical Material then Setsuna is more likely to be born 2 months after Sekai rather then 10 month before. Maybe I'm mistaken and there is some nuance to how who is in what School Year is decided I'm missing.

Japanese High School is also only three years, and it seems you generally begin as 15 expected to turn 16 before that School Year is over and end it as an 18 year old.

So on this Wiki

Setsuna is February 14 1988

Sekai is December 7 1988

Taisuke Sawanaga is July 19th but a year isn't given

Makoto Itou is October 16 1988

Kotonoha Katsura is January 4 1988 (Kokoro is November 28 but no year)

So they decided to put all the cast in the same Grade as 1988.

If School Days takes place in the then present of when it was released, then all these characters being in their First Year of Japanese Highschool would more likely have been born April 1989 to March 1990. Coincidentally the first year of the Heisei era. Their Conceptions would then be the the Summer of 1988 through Spring of 1989.

School Days dropped in April of 2005 however, so maybe it wouldn't make it that much of a period piece to imagine it's drama as being primarily set in 2004 moving those estimates down a year.

Setsuna and Sekai's mothers were previously Heroines of the original Summer Radish Vacation. It's heavily implied we're supposed to assume that Setsuna and Sekai were conceived during or within a year following the events of that game.

Based on the title I'm assuming that game takes place during Summer Vacation. Summer Vacation from School in Japan is only 6 weeks not the 3 months we Americans are used to (and certainly not the 104 days of Phineas and Ferb's OP), generally starting around July 20th and ending around the end of August. Neither Setsuna or Sekai's proposed birthdays fit being conceived during those 6 weeks.

Regardless of what Gregorian Calendar Dates you choose to lynchpin the Overflow timeline to, Setsuna and Sekai being first years in School Days creates a contradiction between the Overflow Wiki saying Snow Radish Vacation is 30 years before School Days and Summer Radish Vacation is 17 years after Snow Radish. However it could be where ever they got that 30 year estimate from really meant over 30 years.

If the title of Snow Radish Vacation is implying the Winter Holidays, in Japan that's usually December 26 through January 6. But it opens on a sequence set at least 9 months before the main narrative so that would be in March probably, maybe early April.

There is more then one example across School Days HQ and Shiny Days of Youko saying she'd "long" had Sekai already by the time she was Sekai's current age. But if her and Mai are in Middle School during Summer Radish Vacation they sure aren't built like it. Shiny Days also says Youko is exactly 30 if you go down her Route.

It would be really funny if if the most logical timeline places the events of Snow Radish Vacation in 1969.

[wallylinda]

Got any reading recs for Dr. Fate that would be good for someone new to the character? I’m trying to get a friend into it, but I’m not the best judge of what’s good for beginners.

the miserable reality of this franchise is that half of whats available is unhospitable to all human life and the comics that are left are rife with...uh...um. yeah. let's just gloss over the psuedo-incest that happens in the late-eighties it'll all go away in a couple of issues anyway.

that being said, doctor fate is really good and your friend should definitely give it a shot! start with the immortal doctor fate, which is a three-issue mini-series that helps establish the origin stories and dynamics between the two main characters: kent and inza nelson. their relationship is tense, oftentimes bordering the line of bleak, but the love they have for one another is the driving force behind each of their motivations. the dialogue is admittedly clunky and some sections can drag on, but it's absolutely worth slugging through.

skipping ahead to the early 21st century, jsa: all stars (2003) #3 is featured on this list solely for the extra story at its end. literally just ignore everything else. the atmosphere and art are impeccable. the last two panels haunt me to this day. it had absolutely no fucking business being so good in such an otherwise mediocre comic.

then there's the elephant in the room. doctor fate (1987) is a mini-series that deals with the transition from kent to the next holder of the helmet. it's certainly well-written, but the featured "ambigious" relationship between the newly introduced protagonists, a stepson and stepmom, makes it a bit difficult to recommend. however, the psuedo-incest is relatively simple to gloss over, and reading it is necessary to understand the following series. if nothing else, the stark coloring is fantastic and kent was so, so fucking good in this. read it for kent. do it for the old man.

finally, there's doctor fate (1988), which is essentially split up into two distinct parts. issues #1-24 are written by j.m dematteis and feature the protagonists from the previous mini. while this section can easily be skipped, it's filled with a number of surprisingly emotional moments and there's a ton of genuinely funny moments, so i actually recommend reading through it. issues #25-41 are written by w. messner lobes, and with the return of kent and inza, this section is far more down-to-earth and domestic than its predecessors. without spoiling anything, the real crux of the story is in how kent and inza essentially switch in their decades-long roles to one another.

anyway. you should read doctor fate.

[notaplaceofhonour]

literally every part of this is so funny to me

like idk, i think art can be powerful, but i don’t know that it can force anyone to do anything…

and obviously denying Jews are indigenous to the Land of Israel to push the indigenous/colonizer dynamic where it doesn’t belong (both Jewish & Palestinian ethnic identities emerged from the same region; both are indigenous) is as hack as it gets, but specifically using the term “First Nations” is especially silly here bc like… ideal or not, the actual First Nations people have in fact “come to terms” with the existence of Canada & signed treaties with it, & are not trying to destroy it or force its population back to Europe. if you must impose the indigenous/colonizer dichotomy onto Israel/Palestine, it might be constructive to actually pay attention to what that dynamic looks like

it’s also a funny word choice because in a literal sense—between Israel & Palestine—Israel is the first of the two nations, by every metric:

if by “nation” you mean exclusively a nation-state: the State of Israel (1948) predates the State of Palestine (1988) by 40 years.

if by “nation” you mean any polity or region with defined borders: the Kingdom of Israel (10th Century BCE) predates even the name of the Palestine region (5th Century BCE at the earliest, “Palaistine” by Herodotus to refer to the borders of former Philistia, a Greek kingdom in the southwestern-most corner of the Southern Levant; but 132 CE is when it was used for the whole region, as “Syria-Palestina”) by 5-9 centuries, and even more-so Mandatory Palestine (1920), by three millennia

if by “nation” you mean an ethnic people group that conceives of themselves as a nation: the self-conception of the Jewish people as a nation, with or without a state or kingdom—Am Israel—appears in Bereshit/Genesis as Abraham & Jacob/Israel’s line being a nation (compiled from sources from the 5th-10th Centuries BCE), 11-16 centuries before the Rashidun Caliphate’s conquest (634 CE, the first instance of Arab rule in the region), and 2-3 Millennia earlier than the ethnogenesis of the ethnonational Palestinian identity in the late 19th/early 20th Century (first self-described by Khalil Beidas in 1898, but didn’t catch on until late 1900s/early 1910s)

but the point of this art is that regardless of “who was here first”, both are there now, and the removal of either population, whether by incidental displacement or intentional ethnic cleansing, or the abridgment of either people’s rights to self-determination is unacceptable. eternal war & killing is unacceptable. war crimes & hostage-taking are unacceptable. whether coexistence is possible or ideal or equitable or not, it is necessary. it is the only path forward that does not result in the ethnic cleansing or genocide of either people—it is thus the only acceptable path forward.

how ridiculous is it to see art that simply expresses this desire for coexistence & cooperation—with peace, autonomy, and freedom for all—and comment the above? lol

Not At Odds

Ceasefire Now + Bring Them Home Now

Jewish & Palestinian safety & freedom are not at odds with each other; they are interconnected. These things can must coexist.

[anotterthatlovestoys]

~ Thrift Haul ~

I went on a thrift "spree" today aka. I spent like $10 at goodwill. and I went to some other stores. But I have a handful of toys i got recently and today to post :3

This group of stuffed animals isnt from today. In fact, they've been sitting in the car for a bit. The two stuffed animals I got today need some quarantined time (especially one of them needs to go in the wash); the snake here, too, needs a wash in particular.

The beaver we got back in Iowa while picking up my sibling, and i actually made them buy it for me lol (it was $1); I mainly wanted it because it is a large stuffed beaver and i thought that was funny. It has a bandana that say "Honey Creek hotel and conference center"; the paper tag says copyright 1988 and the fabric tag says produced 1992. I assume this guys been sitting on a shelf for 30 years rather than having been played with by a child.

The dragon and snake I found at a thrift store in West Virginia. I've simply not seen a snake plush at a thrift store (yes, ever); the dragon seems to be a nicely put together Walmart plush and the snake is Wildrepublic (they manufacture a lot of snake plushes). The snake is a bit dirty on the bottom, but I think a touch of spot cleaning or even a trip through the wash will help.

Now for something completely different: the dolls I found today. I see a fair amount of cheap plastic dolls at thrift stores, but this one spoke to me. Specifically, her oversized dress spoke to me because i immediately thought about how i could steal it for another project. Sorry little lady!

But honestly, she seems very cute. Blinking dolls like this sometimes look kind of eerie but she manages to be very cute, i like all her eyelashes and her thick eyebrows. NGL i would be down to try to put her head on a completely new body someday.

I also found a couple of very different dolls to go with her....

The redhaired one is a FailFix doll, and she came in a bag with a little NaNaNa doll.

The FailFix dolls are these ones who had an extra "ugly" facethat could pop off so they could have a makeover:

Mine doesnt have shoes or earrings and you can tell her previous owner didn't clean up or brush her hair. Perhaps they had a different Failfix doll who they took the accessories and stuff for. Her face paint, despite being the "non fail" version, is still kind of odd and her lips are a bit misprinted. Anyways, what I really like about her is the inset eyes so I'm going to redo the face. i got her partially because shes got both her hands- theyre prone to falling off with dolls like this...

I'm not sure if this NaNaNa is also supposed to be Tuesday Meow- her skin is tanner but her underwear says MeowMeowMeow and her motif seems to be cats. Her face looks oddly small next to my other NaNaNas, and not just because I gave my Tuesday a new face- it seems to be printed smaller? Anyways, i um. might steal her clothes and (very ratty) hair and then use this doll for... doll experiments. Sorry miss meow.

I have no particular aesthetic I seek out for dolls, and I get most of them from the thrift store, so I have a pretty... funny line-up at the moment:

In order: generic plastic doll with winking eyes, talking Dorothy barbie (from my childhood), Rainbow High Gabriella Icely, Failfix "Loves.Glam", NaNaNa Surprise Becky Buccaneer, Bratz Babyz Chloe (from target)

I almost purchased this doll today too:

I don't find Barbies particularly compelling- the only one I have is my childhood Dorothy for a reason. However, this thrift store had a whole shelf of like, late 80s-early 90s style barbies. I liked this one because she has nice articulation at the elbows and knees, plus she's got a cute face. They all had nice soft hair too. I definitely found these more interesting than a lot of the modern barbies I see.

[crazyworldofemmamarie]

Here Are Dr. Rammstein's Other 13 (Honorable Mentions):

These are film that didn’t make it on the official countdown but are just as good or perfect alternatives from the recommendations listed for the countdown.

Scanners, 1981 (dir. David Cronenberg):

 A man discovers that he isn’t the only one with a strange gift of telepathy and finds that some of these other “scanners” as they’re called, believe that they are superior in the human race and strive for total world. takeover.

 With telepathy and head-bursting special effects, this Canadian Sc-fi horror will be sure to have you on the edge of your seat.

2. Jigsaw, 2017 (dir. Micheal Spierig, Peter Spierig):

Police are baffled when victims of a twisted game that can only come from one man, John Kramer (Tobin Bell) the Jigsaw Killer. One problem, he’s been dead for over a decade.

I find people are way to hard on this film as it’s just as good as the ones that came before it, and Logen (matt Passmore) is just a worthy of an apprentice as the ones that we met before him. Plus, the traps, as well as they might be cartoonish, are pretty neat.

3. Killer Klowns from Outer Space, 1988 (dir. Stephen Chiodo):

A gang of aliens disguised as clowns wreak havoc on an unsuspecting town.

This is a pretty fun movie if you are looking for something silly to watch. The effects and vibe are totally 80s and the looks for the clowns are pretty iconic if you ask me.

4.All Hallows’ Eve, 2016 (Damien Leone)

A babysitter stumbles upon a videotape while checking the kids she’s watching candy bags on Halloween night and decides take a look on what’s on it.

Speaking of clowns, since the new Terrifer is out and everyone seems to be having Art the Clown fever (though he actually terrifies me!) I thought it be fair to include this entry of where it all started. Very found footage, but does not fall short on the gore as it’s later projects would promise for.

5. Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island, 1998 (dir. Jim Stenstrum, Kazumi Fukushima)

The iconic Mystery Inc. crew run into each other once again after finding themselves on separate paths and now see themselves going up against ghost pirates, cat people, witchcraft and zombies of course!

There is really no dispute that this is one of the  best Scooby Doo movies out there. Seriously the animation is so smooth and the soundtrack is just to die for!

6. Willard, 1971 (dir. Daniel Mann):

A young loner befriends a couple of rats and finds them being his only companions, so much so that he brings them to work with him. There his co workers and boss not only torment him, but that just so happen to kill one of his pet rats and now the rest of his little rodent friends are out for blood.

This film just a weird, yet such a charming horror flick that doesn’t rely on buckets full and buckets full of blood to put up some good scares.

7. Night of the Living Dead, 1968 (dir. George A. Romero)

A group of strangers trapped in a farmhouse fight to survive from the horde of flesh eating undead that waits for them outside.

Who doesn’t love zombie movies? And there’s nothing wrong with an old classic that has great social commentary.

8. The Hills Have Eyes, 1977 (dir. Wes Craven)

A family’s RV breaks down in the middle of desert where unknown to them, a horde of mutant hungry cannibals await them.

This film is just top scare factor right here and you can’t go wrong with 70s Craven flicks at all.

(I have no idea why this picture came out so small, but I ain't fixing it, it's kind of funny to me)

9. Christine, 1983 (dir. John Carpenter)

A young Arnie Cunningham works day and night rebuilding the car of his dreams, with a few physical changes here and there, his friends and family find him completely transform from a outcasted nerd, to a top notch Fozzie kind of guy, a ever since she found his car, dubbed Christine; however, some of his love ones can’t help but feel that his car is just more that a car.

This film is just great from everything to the costumes, the car itself and even the soundtrack. Plus, a young Keith Gordon, yum!

10. Elvira, the Mistress of the Dark, 1988 (dir. James Signorelli)

After her car breaks down in a small town that has mixed reactions upon seeing her, Elvira makes the most out her situations and that include the hot guy that works at the local theater, helping boarding the youth’s perspectives, inheriting a house and dealing with her uncle Vincent who just so happens to be an evil warlock.

From epic puns and one-liners, to finding yourself falling in love with the darkness herself this flick will sure make your bones quiver and you yourself cackle like a witch.

[theteethofgod]

Week One of Random Horror.

Stream of consciousness reviews below (heavy spoilers)

Insidious: Chapter 2.

⭐️⭐️⭐️1/3

Typical that our first spin would land us on a sequel - luckily I watched the first one all the time as a kid so I’m pretty familiar with both plot and characters.

I’ve got to be honest, the majority of my enjoyment of this film came both from how damn good it looks and its commitment to being a Ghost Story™️. The lighting is wonderful, especially for a Blumhouse horror which typically either under light or simply take no creative direction with it whatsoever.

Narratively it’s above average. I am a sucker for a sequel that expertly fills in the gaps from the original and the scenes of Josh in the Further recontextualised without really uprooting some of the best sequences from the first film. Also a big fan of the comic relief of the two idiot ghost hunters trying to contact their dead boss via haunted dice - honestly kinda giving Shakespearean comedy in some places.

Despite some strong scares early on and a very clear love for its neo-gothic aesthetics the film falls flat in the third act. I remember a lot of discourse around whether or not a cross dressing serial killer is transphobic but honestly the bigger crime here is that they do nothing with him. I appreciate the attempt at the twist that the ghost isn’t actually “evil” just desperate to relive a stolen childhood but nothing interesting was done with it and it did feel like the film decided that it was time that you understood that and dropped everything else in favour of conveying this singular idea.

Was it scary? No

Was it fun? Yeah.

Would I recommend? Watch the first one, if you like it keep going.

The Blob (1988 Remake)

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2

The fact that I have gone my entire life without seeing this is outrageous. I believe that I naively dismissed it due to the ridiculous title (I have never seen the original either). Turns out that this is a properly nasty film. Characters are introduced, fleshed out, made funny, gentle, awful, or just irritating and then all are dissolved in a screaming, writhing mess of stunning practical effects. This film has no regard for horror conventions when it comes to violence: children are dissolved on screen and the sheriff off - his acid eaten body floating past the woman he was on his way to rescue in her final moments.

I can only assume that the twist would have been even more effective had I seen the original - the “alien” turning out to be a US government biological warfare experiment feels uniquely post-Vietnam. Even without the impact of the original story being subverted, it was a great reveal that breathed some brand new tension into a second half that could have fallen flat once the blob had used all his tricks (there’s only so much “oh no he’s on the ceiling” a film can make fun).

Was it scary? Kinda.

Was it fun? Fuck yes.

Would I recommend? Yes absolutely it is on youtube go watch it.

Bone Tomahawk

⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2

I literally watched this film for the first time like a week ago so of course it would come up immediately.

I don’t know why but the first time I watched this I was absolutely convinced it was a lot older than it is. Maybe it was the first kill where they just bash a totally stiff mannequin around. Maybe it was because I just don’t associate the 2010s with 2 hour long horror western hybrids. Either way, this film is a lot of fun. I’ve read plenty of debate around whether or not it qualifies as a horror film but I think these people are too caught up in base aesthetics. Monsters come to town and kidnap the doctor, a cowboy, the sheriff and his deputy (who defo have something going on, it can’t just be me), and a sketchy outsider must hunt them down and get her back. The film uses the classic western formula but supplements the Cowboys vs Indians model for Cowboys vs Other, whilst maintaining the native presence as kind of mediators - aware of both sides and choosing, fairly, to say fuck that we’re not getting involved.

That’s not to say it’s some kind of radical colonial horror. Instead I think this was simply included to acknowledge the issues of writing a genre that inherently requires the Other in a period of genocide and displacement.

Mannequin kill aside, the gore is fantastic. There’s one scene in particular that is just absolutely sickeningly brutal and I loved it so much.

Not all that much to say about this one - it’s a slow burn character drama against the backdrop of western horror. It’s fun it’s gross there’s cowboys.

Is it scary? No

Is it fun? Yes

Would I recommend? Yes!

The Omen

⭐️⭐️1/2

Full disclosure: I have tried to watch this film many times and this was the only time I managed. Nothing about this really resonates with me. There’s two main subgenres of horror that never really move me, religious and children/family. I was raised not only atheist but completely removed from any form of religion, genuinely believing that Jesus was kinda like santa in the sense that it’s something you tell kids to make christmas more fun. The idea that people genuinely believe in souls and hell and the like is something that I really struggle to empathise with, no matter how much I’ve tried. I also can’t think of anything worse than being married with kids so the whole Desecration Of The Nuclear Family also falls totally flat. Luckily for me this film combines the two and then goes on for all of time. Damien is not threatening, his nurse is not threatening, the dogs are not threatening. The baboons were kind of scary but not exactly the antagonist.

The priest and photographer both had insanely good deaths - the latter felt a little cheapened by how impressed the film seemed to be with it, but good all the same. The graveyard scene was beautifully lit and I was briefly engaged when he got his arm impaled on the fence.

I don’t like this one. It’s boring and I have nothing to say about it. I hope I never have to watch it again.

Is it scary? No

Is it fun? No

Would I recommend? No.

Hatchet

⭐️

I hate this fucking movie. Perhaps unfairly, but hear me out. 2000s horror is perhaps one of the most cohesive periods in the genres history. The post-9/11 practical effects torture porn dirty warehouses rusty metal and that awful brown/green diseased colour scheme that feels like it infects everything it touches. Controversially I do not attribute this to the classic Saw -> Hostel -> Worthless Derivative Imitators that every History Of Horror book will. Instead I think that we do not pay enough attention to the 2003 Texas Chainsaw remake. Tobe Hooper’s OG commentary on the meat industry finds new thematic relevance in the wake of mass loss of life - especially an event such as 9/11 which saw people trapped amongst the dying and the dead, knowing it was only a matter of time. What is that if not the experience of the slaughterhouse. “Torture porn” (which is a whole discussion in itself) was not about the act of killing, it was about the knowledge that you will die. Combine this genuinely compelling emotional foundation with some of the most ridiculous chinese-whisper warped tropes from the classics (sex being thematically important -> some of the horniest shit you’ve seen in your life, for example) and you get the weird offputting hybrid of the schlocky and the cliche with the genuine zeitgeist of the destruction of the body and sudden outbursts of violence.

How the FUCK do you fail at parodying that. By the time Hatchet came around (2006) these themes had become so codified that if you ask anyone about horror, even now in our “elevated” era, they’ll probably default to describing them (aside from maybe the classics, but that’s a given). Hatchet fails to nail down a single piece of commentary on the genre aside from “sexualised girls” (who incidentally are the funniest part of the film for this exact reason). The villain is cool looking and the practical effects are genuinely outstanding but for a horror comedy that consistently seems desperate to reflect on itself it ends up creating nothing more than a below average replication of the genre with perhaps one or two jokes funnier than your average bottom tier slasher. The whole time I just wished I was watching Scary Movie.

Was it scary? No

Was it fun? No

Would I recommend? No

[drewandareview]

Top 10 Disney Movies That Were Never Made

Originally published January 13th, 2013

The Brave Little Toaster is being remade and will include more modern appliances like an iPhone.  There was a huge outcry at this because fuck man, The Brave Little Toaster is just awesome like okay?  But that movie was almost never made.  John Lasseter would have made his directorial debut with it, but Disney fired him when he suggested using 2-D characters with 3-D backgrounds and the project was shelved.  But of course, it exists now.  But doesn’t it make you wonder what movies stayed shelved?  Here are my Top 10.

10. Bambi’s Children (1943).  There were a lot of Disney sequels that were never made, but this was by far the worst sequel idea I came across.  Let’s watch some deer grow up—again! 

9. The Fool’s Errand (2002).  A story about a court jester that has to save his kingdom.  That would have been awesome.

8. The Prince and the Pig (2003).  A boy and his pig try to steal the moon.  THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN AWESOME. 

7. Army Ants (1988).  A pacifist ant struggles living in a militant colony.  It’s funny because this idea was shelved twenty years before the whole “Antz and A Bug’s Life” controversy. 

6. Wild Life (2005).  Animals from the zoo trying to live in the gritty New York city.  The idea was canned for not being “Disney.”  It was later remade into the Disney movie “The Wild.” 

5. Penguin Island (1938).  A half-blind Christian Monk crash lands on an island of penguins and, mistaking them for people, baptizes them.  That couldn’t have gone well, but I would have watched the shit out of it. 

4. The Hound of Florence Inspector Bones (1941).  Essentially Sherlock Holmes with dogs.  What’s unique about it is that it would have been in the style of Tex Avery cartoons.  This was especially funny because Warner Bros. and Disney were in fierce competition in the early 1900s when they were both making aniamted shorts.  Warner Bros. was pop culturey and Disney had heart.  It would have been something to see Disney step into the Warner Bros. territory. 

3. The Tales of Hans Christian Anderson (1943).  This was actually going to be a story about the author’s life, with his life filmed in live-action and some of his tales included as animated segments.  Some of the tales that would have been included were The Little Mermaid, The Emperor’s New Clothes, and The Snow Queen.  All of these tales were made into Disney movies decades later (The Little Mermaid, The Emperor’s New Groove, and the upcoming Frozen.)  It would have been strange to see how Disney would have done them in the forties. 

2. Disney’s Dwarfs (2007).  This was basically supposed to be a franchise following the drawfs from Snow White.  Here’s the kick: It was supposed to be in the style of Lord of the Rings.  Essentially, Disney was going to do a gritty reboot of its very first movie.  But believe it or not, there’s a better pick for number one… 

1. The Wizard of Oz (1937). Disney planned on making this film right after Snow White, but the rights were lost out to Samuel Goldwyn, who later sold them to MGM.  MGM, of course, wound up making The Wizard of Oz that we all know, debatably the most iconic movie of all time.  Imagine if Disney had gotten the rights.  Imagine if he was the one to make The Wizard of Oz.

[sheepydraws]

SheepyReads May Round-Up! (15 Books)

Sci-fi/Fantasy

Scum Villain's Self-Saving System by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu, Vol. 1-4: This series is an isekai about an average guy who finds himself in his favorite male power fantasy novel with two twists: 1. Our main character has reincarnated as the villain who will be tortured to death by the hero and 2. (Unknown to the protagonist) The story is now being published on a women's fiction website known for gay romance. This series was translated from Chinese, and for better or worse a lot of the Chinese syntax has been left intact in the official translation.

This story is fast-paced and very fun. Shen Yuan is constantly grappling with a video-game like system that restricts his ability to alter the story but also rewards his attempts to make it less flat and full of plot holes. His relationship with Luo Binghe, the hero who may eventually kill him, is both sweet and fraught, a dynamic the author happily plays for laughs.

My big complaint is that there is a lot of homophobia for an m/m romance. This kind of reminds me of 2012 fanfiction, where the main character insists he isn't gay, but just kind of accepts it when the story takes him there. There are a lot of better gay romances out today (see below) but I also had a good time reading this series, so I'll say: Recommended, With Caveats

A Master of Djinn by P. Djeli Clark: Fatma el-Sha’arawi, officer for the Ministry of Alchemy, Enchantments and Supernatural Entities, tears through an alternative version of 1920's Cairo to track down a person claiming to be the man who changed the world by releasing djinn into the world forty years ago. The setting of this book was phenomenal, richly drawn without overshadowing or bogging down the characters. The mystery was well put together, with a twist that made me feel stupid for not figuring it out sooner. I also enjoyed Fatma's developing relationship with her on-again off-again girlfriend. Recommended

Ten Thousand Stitches by Olivia Atwater: Effie makes a deal with a faerie lord: He will help her become a lady for long enough to marry a baron if she adds a stitch to his jacket for every minute she spends as a lady for the next hundred days. If she fails to marry the baron, she will have to be his maid forever. This is perfect if you love Diana Wynne Jones. A very charming romance that surprised me by saying, "Actually, Effie's problems would be solved a lot faster if she unionized rather than marrying a baron." Recommended.

Royal Assassin by Robin Hobb: Oof, ooo, ouch, my bones. Fitz has enough time to recover from the first book before we're plunged right back into court intrigue mixed with the worsening threat of the red ships. Hobb does a really good job of bridging the first and third book with a book that increases the stakes, but has it's own interesting narrative arc. I have never been so distraught about horse sales in my life. I have put myself on a strictly fluff diet until I have enough strength to read the final book in the trilogy. Recommended

Graphic Novels

Dykes To Watch Out For by Alison Bechdel: A collection of slice of life comic strips written by Bechdel from 1988 to 2008. A time capsule of a specific period of queer life and the politics that affected and were born from it. Also, it's funny. Recommended

Twelfth Grade Night by Molly Booth: A fantasy-touched YA retelling of twelfth night that is very openly queer. I think there could have been EVEN MORE identity based shenanigans here, but I really loved the decision to just have fairies in the background for funsies, so I forgive it. Very sweet, very pretty, though not something I'm putting on my keeper shelf. Recommended.

Komi Can't Communicate by Tomohito Oda, Vol. 23: I am neither recommending nor not recommending this one. Either you just read the last 22 volumes of Komi and Tadano's awkward flirting and now you want to revel in how cute they are officially dating, or you don't.

Yakuza Fiancé by Asuka Konishi, Vol. 3: Miyama continues to be insane about Yoshino and I continue to support him completely. We meet Yoshino's cousin and an old flame of Miyama's in this volume and it is so funny to see the contrast between them. The old flame thinks she's a ruthless badass who will do anything to stay ahead in the modeling business, but just seems to be taking any opportunity her wealthy family can scrounge up for her. Meanwhile, Yoshino's cousin talks about the time she paid four million yen for 15 milliliters of blood and pushed Yoshino to the brink of death in a Just Girly Things &lt;3 voice. I love this series. Recommended

The Muscle Girl Next Door by Amesuke Ano: A slice-of-life comic about a guy who wants to build muscle, and his crush on his very buff next door neighbor. I really liked that the woman he likes is unapologetically muscular and masculine, but otherwise there really isn't much to this book. Not Recommended

Chick-Lit

The Debutante Divorcee by Plum Sykes: Recommended If You Think Chick-Lit Peaked In 2005

Finlay Donovan Is Killing It by Elle Cosimano: Finlay is a struggling romantic suspense author who is not making ends meet as she navigates her sudden divorce. When a woman mistakes her for a hitman she winds up bumbling through an attempt to kill her target and uncovering a larger mystery involving the Russian mafia. I liked how the mystery unfolded in this book, with a slow reveal of a larger criminal picture, and there was something hilarious about how all the ways Finlay's life have gone to shit make it easier for her to get away with her crimes (Ex. She had to buy a prepaid cellphone after she stopped being able to pay her phone bill consistently). However, I didn't like this enough to want a series of it, and did not expect the huge cliffhanger at the end. Not Recommended

Romance

A Thief In The Night by K.J. Charles: Romance novellas are very difficult to write because there is so little time for good character development. K.J. Charles makes it look easy. K.J. Charles makes it look fun. I can't recommend this enough. I'm not giving you a description beyond historical m/m romance you can read in one sitting. You want to know more go buy it. Shoo!