#3 guesses which one i'm in today
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... why he sit like this
#in this position his face is extremely 'cartoon cat' shaped.. like the perfectly round cheeks and little#rounded bump of a snout.. big round eyes. etc. stretched over the arm of a chair like a weirdo#cats#It's still Hot Evil Summer time and I have so much to do so am just aimlessly hopping between various projects but not actually#getting anything done. as usual. Also so so so so tired. I almost fell asleep in the middle of the floor like 3 times today lol#Trying to finish some costume photos and also another poll adventure thing. plus I do really want to do a sculpture sometime#I haven't finished one in a while. Hopefully my tiredness is nothing bad.#Maybe I'm anemic again so that's making me tired. Or maybe it's just a Listless phase. not that I'm ever really THAT productive considering#all of the health problems and etc. always holding me back. but still. I'm not usually 'sleep or just stare at a wall literally all day' ty#e unproductive.. at least not for multiple days in a row so. hmm... Sometimes especially in the summer though I will have periods of time#that are listless like that. I am under low level phyiscal stress for months at a time due to summer heat so I guess it makes sense#that would eventually take a toll. I just have SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO DO!!!!! AAUUGhhh#I also came up with a new idea for a game that is so so cool and I wish I could make it but I have to finish the other one first lol#which I will NEVER do. if I spend all day just sleepy unfocused barely able to do anything#I also really need to sell some clothes and sculptures because I'll probably have to buy a new computer soon so I need money. (plus still#recovering the costs of having to euthanize my other cat.. wehh) There's nothing clearly wrong with it right now but it's getting gradually#slower and there's more weird glitches happening randomly and idk.. just weird things that make me think 'hmm... bad.. possibly.'#ANYWAY... I just have so much to do that I both REALLY want or need to do - so it's perpetually frustrating that I just can't for whatever#reason like. Time is always mving forward. every day I waste is a wasted day. The year is already almost half over. I havent finished#any of the projects I wanted to .. and there's only more and more things to do each day. It's overwhelming and stinky#and thats not even considering having to do all of my tasks also with the background noise of economic inequality. everything increasingly#going into an even scarier political direction. active climate change crisis. pandemic that still exists and is insane to act otherwise. et#etc. HOW am I supposed to solo make two whole games . write 3 book series. finish sculptures. do costumes. make outfits. game videos. make#stable network of social connections. do my little side crafts. take care of myself and cats. pay rent. manage health issues. keep a routin#.try to make some sort of money. go to doctors appointments. handle regular maintenance like cleaning and cooking and self care#and buying new plates when old ones break or etc. make sure to do other things like backup my computer data regularly. do shopping lists.#take care of plants. pursue like 6 different academic interests. do the other side side projects I have for fun (like music or carving avoc#ado pits). eat in a healthy way thats okay for my Special Health Issue diet. exercise so i don't die early. etc. etc. etc. AND all while it#82F in my apartment all the time and I have tiny income and also need to move to another country/climate somehow??? lol......#ANYWAY.. ..very frustrated today over my chronic Tired Sleepy.. time for Cat Photos - which cure all of life's ailments lol
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kitten acquisition is likely actually happening this weekend
i think i am going to get one orange male and one calico female
now i have to pick names (which i am being indecisive about lol) and schedule spay/neuter and other basic vet things which is unexpectedly stressful hnnnng
#i will post pics when i get them!!#i haven't seen them since they were like 2-3 weeks old so i'm still picturing them as tiny babies#but they are bigger now lol#i feel bad just kinda arbitrarily picking which ones i'm gonna take but uhhh that's life i guess#i have a list of like 15 vet clinics to call tomorrow morning to see if i can find one that has a reasonable price for spays and neuters#had no idea it was so expensive rip#the one i called today said 'oh we can't give you an estimate until you bring them in for an appointment first'#so idk if they're all going to say that and i'm going to have to pick one and go in blind#and hope they don't charge me $300 each#hrrg oh well#it will work out!!#WE ARE NOT GOING TO CREATE MORE KITTENS!!!!!!#p
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WIP Word Game
I was tagged in this by @dont-offend-the-bees in this post -- thanks for thinking of me, Newt!
Rules: You will be given a word. Share one sentence/excerpt from your WIP(s) that start with each letter of that word. Word assigned by Newt: BITES
Because I'm a rebel, I'm going to do a bit from both my current WIP "Londerland Bloodlines: Downtown Queensland" and my just-finished-posting-today Valicer In The Dark story "Start At The Beginning...Sort Of" --
B
LB:DQ -- Briefcase Guy nodded, trembling. “What – what if their case is full of newspaper?” he got out after a second.
“Then at least we get to watch your illiterate ass try to read it later for laughs,” the leader spat, giving him a shove. “I know they got the goods. Just don’t ass it up, or they’re gonna kill the lot of us. Now get ready, it’s going down soon.”
SATBSO -- “By practicing my v-vows down the wrong alley,” Victor replied, worrying his bottom lip. “I – oh dear…” He grabbed his spoon and had a couple of fortifying sips of soup. “It’s like this – I’m due to be w-wed to the daughter of Lord and Lady Everglot, courtesy of my parents. We had the r-rehearsal today, and I was such a n-nervous wreck I couldn’t recall my lines at all. Pastor Galswells, our officiant, finally lost all patience with me after one too many mistakes, and b-banished me until I’d learned my vows. D-desperate to get them right, I ended up roaming Brightstone at random, repeating them to myself to try and get them straight in my head. I finally said them perfectly in an old forgotten side street overlooking one of the canals…and the moment I finished, a g-glowing blue figure in a w-wedding dress burst from the water, declaring ‘I do.’ I s-screamed and ran, but she managed to c-corner me on a nearby bridge and tried to k-kiss me. I fainted when her lips touched mine, and w-when I woke up, I was…” He waved his spoon in the air, as if trying to capture the enormity of the experience. “On the w-wrong side of the veil.”
I
LB:DQ -- “Indeed – or you could avoid the issue entirely,” Cheshire said, floating his smile over to another ladder on the wall in the darkened bay, just barely visible in the gloom. “I’m sure Rabbit would approve of you taking a shortcut, especially in order to avoid detection by anything that might try to stomp you.”
“I’ve apologized for that!” Hatter put in. “And made him that new watch!”
“It was the least you could do,” Rabbit said, paws on hips.
SATBSO -- “I don’t know – I don’t think so,” Victor said, letting his hands drop. “But you’re right, it is very hard to tell time in the ghost field…I’m sorry too, Emily,” he continued in a quieter voice. “I – I shouldn’t have lied to you about w-wanting to see my parents. I should have tried to explain better what was really wrong. But I – I didn’t have the words, and I was so scared and hungry and cold, and…” He sighed heavily, pressing his fingers against his forehead. “And absolutely nothing today has gone according to plan.”
“I know the feeling.” Emily perked up, a hesitant smile tugging at her lips. “But – but we can still make this work, right? We can alternate which side of the field we’re on day by day, so you can still eat and drink and not have to worry! We can even find a nice place to set up house together – one that’s in good shape in both my world and yours!”
“I think anyone who sees you two house-shopping is going to call the Spirit Wardens on you,” Alice couldn’t help saying.
T
LB:DQ -- “True,” Alice nodded. “Which reminds me – at some point tonight, I need to drop in on a certain Sean Milton. I don’t know how much honor there really is among thieves, but hopefully he has very little and will be willing to give up Muddy without a fight.”
“We’ll see on that front – and back, come to think of it,” Cheshire remarked, tail swaying as he kept pace. “But one side-quest at a time.”
SATBSO -- The gondolier gave Emily, floating near the prow, a significant look. “They always go up when the dead are involved.”
“I haven’t done anything,” Emily said, tone sulky and sparks crackling along the edge of her veil.
“And don’t start now,” the gondolier warned, frowning. “I may not be a Warden, but every one of us has got a bit of the Whisper about us. I know how to handle you lot.”
E
LB:DQ -- “Even better – they’re real robots! Well, sort of. . .” Victor popped open a bin and picked out a blue butterfly at random, showing her a block with some buttons on the – thorax, she believed it was called. “They each come with a ‘brain block’ like this where you can input simple commands. Obviously I can’t get any of them to fly – though I’ve always hoped – but I can get them to flap their wings if I shine a light on them, or follow a light being held in front of them – even play with a ball.”
“Neat,” Alice said, grinning. “You’ll have to show me later.”
SATBSO -- Emily went still, a frozen figure in tattered blue. Then she rushed forward at a speed no living human could have ever managed, face contorted in pure fury. Barkis yelped and tried to get out of the way, but she managed to clamp one spectral hand around his arm –
And, suddenly, she wasn’t there anymore. A split-second later, Barkis bent double, shrieking. “What – stop! No!”
“Yes!” came Emily’s voice – from Barkis’s own lips. Alice stared as he straightened up, wobbling like he was unused to controlling his own body. “The knife dropped from his fingers with a clatter. “You’re mine now, Eddie!”
S
LB:DQ -- She got to the bottom of the slope and looked around. While the layout was roughly the same, the entrance to level two was noticeably darker, thanks to a busted light fixture in the nearest “compact” bay. It also had different guards – two fellows who looked to be Chinese, dressed in matching burgundy jackets and wielding machine guns. One jerked his head around as she snuck closer, causing her to freeze out of habit. “It’s too quiet,” he said after a moment, shaking his head. “I-I don’t like this – this place. At night it seems so – haunted.”
SATBSO -- Smiler sorted and pointed at their eyes, brilliant yellow in their pale face. “What, do you think I was born with these?”
“...actually, it has genuinely never occurred to me to question why your eyes are bright glowing yellow before now,” Alice confessed, cheeks heating up with embarrassment. “They just seemed – completely natural on you.”
“I – I mean, I noticed, but – given everything else that was going on, they – didn’t really register as that weird?” Victor admitted, also going pink. “Alice is right, they do suit you...I sort of thought they might be a side effect of that Joy Serum you showed me before, since you said you make it yourself.”
Tagging: @nebbychan, @thesatiricaldemon, @anonymoose-au, @ace-of-tales -- the word I'm picking is TIMES!
#wip word game#tag game#londerland bloodlines#valicer in the dark au#fanfic#vtmb#blades in the dark#alice madness returns#corpse bride#the smiler#look Start At The Beginning...Sort Of just went up#I think I can use it for this#the Downtown Queensland stuff is all from chapter 3 which is the one I'm currently working on#as you have probably guessed by a couple of those snippets it covers Fat Larry's quest#and Venus's too#the thing with Victor's butterfly robots is from the very beginning#he's very proud of them and very unused to other people being interested in them#the SATBSO quotes are from all over the fic#though the last one is explicitly from the posted-earlier-today final chapter#the exchange just amused me#as did me finding a section in both fics where I had three paragraphs all starting with 'I'#fun stuff XD
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i need someone to poke me with a stick every 10 minutes and tell me to study
#i've watched 4 youtube videos#changed playlists 7 times#tried to reorganise my room before giving up#changed locations thrice#made 2 tumblr posts that went in my drafts#and made myself 3 hot beverages#(one of which i forgot about before taking one sip and then went to make another one because 'oh i wanted a tea! can't believe i forgot'#searched for 10 minutes for my mug (spoiler alert: it was on my table with already prepared tea) and then just took a different one.#then i came back to the room with it just to come face to face with the other tea)#oh and i also sent 50 messages to my little brother who's in class rn#oops#and guess what i'm doing right now? making yet another tumblr post instead of studying#the adhd seems to be adhding particularly hard today#tea's ramblings
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Anyway how is everyone doing
#had to get up at 6 in the morning and therefore had 4 hours of sleep today (a weekly occurence pretty much)#so i just took a nap which took all evening and i'm still tired yayyyyy. because naps only work how they should about 10% of the time#and also i did nothing else today because sleep and now i'm truly wondering what to do with myself anymore#meanwhile i have to get up and go to school again tomorrow 😑 and the day after that 😑 and the day after that 😑#or i could drop out again and have nothing else to do anyway and continue rotting in my room#(whether it's my dorm room or my actual room doesn't matter). what's the pointtttttt#might be reaching some kind of limit or maybe i'm truly just dramatising and should just chill about it all#save me 4 hours of music listening now probably. idk man#got my minimal amount of social interaction today in the form of riding the elevator with 3 of the ppl from my course#when i could have (and normally would have) just taken the stairs instead#i feel like i made a big important step today that will help me later on through this year (no not really)#at least one thing i've noticed recently is that i might have the reverse of what is i guess is usually called seasonal depression#in the sense that now that it's chilly and cloudy and it gets dark earlier i feel like i'm finally LIVING in a way#the good effect of that will probably pass after a week or two though#but also just a bit over a month left now until my birthday and then my long awaited trip!!#anyone else get unreasonably excited for their birthday each year even though there's never anything special about it in the end#and that only makes the day more depressing lol#ok whatever i'm done whining now i think. music time then#celebrating (a bit late) one year of gratsax and lil beethoven today. some of the albums of all time for me personally#goosepost
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I think I have maybe decided to tell someone I no longer want to be friends with them, but I'm wondering if I should give it a few more days before I commit to it
#anthill#pretty much everyone except the one mutual friend I have with this person has said I should#the one friend said that what she did was shitty and could I understand if I did#but also thinks that it is something that we could maybe work from#I'm not really asking for advice I'm just processing my feelings out loud#I kind of had a revelation about boundaries today#and I've been really blaming myself for not being firm on mine and letting this person cross an emotional boundary#but that doesn't exist in a vacuum#I can say no to things and often do#its when substances or I guess in this case horniness is involved that creates problems#if she were completely platonically cuddling I would have said no to anything further#but with reasonably doubt adjusting positions turned into active grinding#and when she asked if she could touch me further I said but that will turn me on so idk#it wasn't an enthusiastic consent#which she only got after continously grinding on me#and like the situation that my ptsd is like hey this is just like this other time#involved someone asking to make out 3 times which I said no to consecutively until they got me crossfaded#its not a not setting boundaries problem so mu h as not recognizing patterns of behavior that people employ#until they can dubiously get my consent#and needing to learn those patterns#also saying 'be firm on your boundaries' is about as helpful as saying 'don't be anxious'#like wow! I've never thought of that before! youre a vissionary thank you!#like I don't blame myself enough.
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Speaking of retcons. What fans does Liam have to manipulate? Liam has always been the least popular member of 1D and what fans he did have disappeared when his 2018 album got yanked. You can tell that because his most popular music required GP interest. Plus he can’t sustain a UA and there’s no one defending him on Twitter. Every thing goes viral because there aren’t enough accounts to muddy the algorithms with other tweets. It’s the least believable thing Maya has said. That and her descriptions of his team as powerful. A powerful and manipulative team looks like Harry’s. They’ve been sweeping his indiscretions into a very dark corner for years. One day they’ll come spilling out and he’ll have his Diddy moment. His team will have made their money so they won’t care.
#this is a word salad of hella nonsense#i'll give a few high point answers since you asked--i guess?#1. for whatever fucking reason liam DOES have fans#they are ALL OVER twitter screaming free him and shitting on women like the very best most loyal 1D-ers tend to be right down to today#2. none of these men can seemingly earn a dedicated UA from what i can see which is no surprise since they broke up 10 years ago#(relationship UAs don't count--that's a whole other world but individual ones? i'm friends with the fashion ones#and THEY aren't bothered 'even with' harry lmao)#3. see above about twitter--yes women have come forward talking about what a shitty abusive person Liam is for the gross things he's DM'd#but he has a massive following on twitter and you would goddamned know it/see it (even I am seeing it)#4. and listen harry HAS had women come out and say some pretty damning shit about him#was it abusive? no#was it gross? yes#did anyone listen? no and that was because ewww women...total pick me's cunts etc#u shouldn't listen to them (or Lou T etc)#don't even get me started on how weird it is to act like you can say wahh he's closeted which means he somehow CAN'T treat women like shit#he can--he has--he does! look at who he hires! treats his 'girlfriends'! pick someone supportive amirite! hashtag goals!#but wow the sad trombone louie of it all just bleeds through this ask...it's been a while and anyway ANYWAY here's a UO to get you awf:#i don't think harry styles has been on the 'giving' end of a diddy-style party but the receiving end? MAYBE SO RECEIPTS
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the world is very beautiful actually <-- guy who just discovered the joys of modern fansubbing
#i've been complaining a lot abt the typesetting in modern fansubs these last few years#like basically ever since crunchyroll became a viable site to do majority of one's anime consumption bc of all their licenses#bc when using pirate sites they just rip cr's subs and then typeset it badly SOMEHOW. and also w/slightly desync'd timing SOMEHOW#tho i think the slightly desync'd timing is bc that's generally how it is on cr back when i was leeching off potat's subscription#and then sometimes the pirate sites would have very beautifully done hard subs somehow n after a while i started to wonder#just which groups were doing the pretty high-effort typeset subtitle jobs so that i could be pickier abt my sources n stuff#but unlike scanlation groups which will put in the group credits w/their chapters that's not a thing w/fansubs#so it was just like 'MAN!!!!!!' but now that aniwave is like. gone forever i guess I Have Learned To Torrent#(with the help of my beautiful vpn ofc) bc I Give Up on trying to find sites to watch things online#and there's this one guy who keeps a repo of his python scripts he uses in fansubbing AND INCLUDES THE FONTS HE USES IN THEM#I LEARNED THAT .MKV FILES CAN ALSO STORE THE FONTS FOR THEIR SUBTITLES TODAY. THIS IS SO LIFE-CHANGING FOR ME SPECIFICALLY#so obviously i've been going a little ham there bc im love fonts <3#and also looking at one of his things i'm like. VERY impressed by its quality it's so very nice. love this#the worm speaks
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Hiatus
I am going on hiatus for a bit more. I really really hoped the stuff that have been going on lately were already "sorted out" but, uhm... they aren't. I need to take a bit more time offline once again, and try to work things out.
Thank you for your patience ❤
Wren
#EDIT: I've deactivated my IG for a bit because it wasn't helping at all. I'll be back there but I need time#wren text tag#somehow issues from mid July/early August have managed to get worse. Like I'm not even surprised bc I'm used to it but GIRL . What the fuck#“it's finally summer”+“can't wait to draw!” * gets 3 hiatus in a row * maybe drawing or summer isn't really meant to be 🤨🤔#I hate having to log-in to post a hiatus message and then dissapear again when I'm supposed to post my doodles n have fun#Feels like one of those jesters that appears at luncheon to entertain the royal court and then they go missing for the rest of the month#bc I'm trying very hard not to hide in my shell + having a bit more presence here to post my artwork#and somehow I fail at both like fucking heck. How can you be so bad at this.#but in short I won't be here to answer stuff and being silly or whatever people expect me to do#because if you're here for the silly stuff. MAN. I'm am sorry but I don't feel silly at all.#Somebody once said “the horrors are never ending yet I remain silly” but I forgot the “remain silly” part#And if you're here for drawings. I don't even have time and I don't feel like drawing at all. Idk which one is worse#The bakery hangs up the “closed today” so people know they have to go to buy bread somewhere else. Same here. But it won't last a day#idk why the bread analogy. Guess I'm a birb after all#this is also the closest thing to a vent post I will ever write and I managed to say nothing at all. Vagueposting about vent. Good job Wren#tw: vent#tagging in case somebody like me needs to have some tags filtered#the hiatus will go on also a bit longer because the last few weeks my mental health suffered a lot and I know my limit#also this post was queued. If I see I can still be active before publishing I will delete it otherwise see for yourself#also queue doesn't work ig like I programmed this for 9 pm hopefully it will be up by then and not any other random time
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objectively a stupid thing to get irritated or upset by, but i really hate when people at the centre try to tell me how lucky i am for the life i live or how good i have it, esp when they tell me they had it sooooo much worse when they were my age. they do not know me. they do not know my life. they have no idea what my situation is.
they see somebody who is exceedingly polite and unerringly kind and shows up in nice clothes most of the time. they see that i draw in a sketchbook. they see that i work on the jigsaw puzzle. they see that i hold the door for people. they see that i greet people and ask people questions about themselves in a way that makes others feel seen and heard and appreciated.
now what the fuck are they getting from that that makes them think they know anything about me or my mental health or life situation!!! if anything they should be curious because I share so little about myself with people, I tend to keep things focused on others because that's safest for me. do they not question why i am at the mental health centre so often if i apparently seem like i have such a great life ????
#and perhaps this is oversharing but i have literally been keeping relapse cuts hidden under my sleeves almost all week long lmfao#which feels... fitting for this. symbolism moment lol#also i know people are self-absorbed esp if they have mental health shit going on#and i know i think about others way more than the average person. but like. cmon. do not assume all that shit about me#it was really fucking hard not to snap at this one lady today who is always telling me how lucky i am for what she assumes i have in life#maam allow me to just push up my shirt sleeve like two inches. do you see? shut up! shut up! you don't know me!!!#and i AM aware of how good i have it compared to others. i have food. i have shelter. i have the centre to spend time at during the week.#i have my old lady group once a week if i choose to attend. i have enough social awareness to function somewhat in society#i have some very nice belongings that i get to call my own. clothing that i like. public transit system. some craft supplies.#there are good things. there are privileges that i am lucky to have. i see this and i am grateful for it.#but there is also a lot that i am massively struggling without. safety for one. a family that actually cares for me. mental stability!#emotional stability too lmfao! enough energy to do more than 1-3 tasks in a day! affordable food or perhaps just a form of income!#i dont know. i'm just really tired and frustrated with people. its unfair of me to be frustrated w them bc yeah i guess i do look like-#-i have it together on the outside to people. and all these people struggle with social awareness and etiquette so... sigh.#i should not be annoyed but i am struggling to be patient with these people when they assume this shit about me#because there isn't really anything i can say to them other than nodding vaguely and smiling. like i can't argue lol#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#self harm tw
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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ggghhg i hate vehiclessssssss ghghghhghhhhh [dies dies dies forever]
#just me hi#i'm going to get right back to it but i need to complain or i'll turn into a stale loaf of Bread lmao :3👍#so here it is. why's it gotta be so hard hhghfh#okay buildings suck i hate buildings. but also they don't make me want to immediately explode at the merest hint of actually drawing them#vehicles?? Vehicles ???? i am going to just. what if i just put everyone in magical cardboard boxes and did that huh. what is the point !!#i have to draw motorcyclessss and carssssss and i'm okay with bikes to a degree actually <3 and horsessssssss and truckssssssssssss#god forbid you pick an older model with like 20 articles on it cuz most of them are going to only have a side profile and 3/4s view of that#dang thing. which yea sounds manageable 'why is this a problem keeps' i cannot properly see the FRONT#i have to guess?? i have to Guess ???? my dearest wish i think i'm just going to live in the sewers. with the sewer creatures#GGHHHHHHHHHHHH#i am going to practice drawing this stupid thing that i'm going to use for like 7 panels MAX and then i'm going to commit a FOUL crime. lik#rearranging someone's usual playlist without them knowing so they're confused every time they listen to it afterwards#//okay enough of that. we're good hbfhsfh :3#i have done other things today ! i've actually made a rough timeline for pi.e so thaaaat's cool :D#that and found a cool artist to follow on pillowfort. i. forgor their user but they have cool art .w.#/also i'm past the halfway mark on this first chapter which is !!!#i don't want to jinx myself cuz i know i'm really good at that hfhsv - but i think i'll start storyboarding the next part if i can get a#couple more pages done :D#//also the cowboy au grows stronger everyday hhhgfshvbh#i kind of knew some sort of au was inevitable but i did not think it would be an old west one loll :3#still trying to figure out the logistics#i wanna find some good historical fiction from those eras (1860s-70s) but i do not have the brain space for it rn fbhs - so this will do :>#it won't have any of the magic or gods i think bc of that but i'm having fun regardless :D#it Does have some occult though. because i was playing the story for my brother and i Do enjoy scaring him hhbvhfhsfvh#there are devils on the ranch!! or are they devils?? he hasn't gotten that far yet lol :>#//i also may have some sort of weird lean towards the spooky because Somehow each of my stories end up containing some sort of thriller#element?? lmao rip my siblings#but it never happens on purpose. again; rip my siblings hfhhvsh#//oo running out of tag space lol <//3#i shall return. probably with more wip stuff cuz i started like 4 canvases in 2 days hhghghdvs - toodles !!
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My brain is. Absolutely buzzing with fic ideas right now and last night I started on a new one because I felt like i had to at least get the premise down before I lost it, but now I'm nearly 6k words in and oh no I don't have time to get another longfic wip going.... I'm 140k words deep into two other longfics right now 😭 I want to get into it, but I have too many stories fighting for attention in my head and this won't end well if I hop between them all bc I want to finish something for once. Ahhhh!!! Darn you limited time.
#It's about to get so much more limited because I'm starting 6 day a week FFXIV prog on Monday#technically I started last night (so I was up until 11:30pm writing the first 2k words of this...) but we have today off bc I have a concer#and like. getting off work at 3:30 if i then have 3 hours of prog. an hour to make dinner. 30-40 minutes to walk/run/exercise#that's not enough time to get out many words of fic. not if i want to do other enjoyable things with my life#so my productivity is going to tank.#so far my daily average wordcount for may has been over 3k which is insane. but i haven't had raid in ffxiv this so far this month#so that means a lot more time to write. as in 3 more hours per night to write. not that i usually write for 3hrs#but still. you get the gist of it. it's also 3 hours i'm not sitting at my computer so it's easier on the body to sit at the comp and write#anyway for anyone who is reading these tags for a mysterious reason. 1) hi. 2) this is. you probably guessed it. a dmc fic#this one is based on the vergil time travel idea that spaceacerat proposed. there are so many ways it could go but-#-this is one that would take place right before sparda leaves so sparda is still there and vergil has to convince him not to go#the thing there is i'm not really sure how it would end...in my other time travel fic i DO have an explanation for how sparda died#but i developed it specifically for that fic and it would not work for a happy ending in this fic. which i'd like to have#that fic also takes place after sparda's gone so. y'know.#but yeah i...as i'm writing this i now have somewhat of an idea for an ending but it's. bittersweet? maybe? hmmm#but yeah! never underestimate my love for time travel fics it's my favorite trope of all time. has been since i met trunks dbz as a kid.#erurandomness#erubabbles
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good morning!! <3
#hehe the new itto event started#i have lost all of my rhythm gaming skills since the last one#but i still managed to like 3* everything for the first song lol#(i'll probably play the heck out of this event; i always have fun with the rhythm game ones)#so i'll work on the stuff for that today and then it should be a pretty normal day#usual thing of it'd be cool if i could write something#also it's funny i was almost about to take heizou off my f/o list completely (he's currently in the tertiary spot)#but then he shows up in the event like 'hi I'm still cute' so i guess he's sticking around a little longer lol#that category does suit him bc i know once this event is over I'll go back to not thinking about him much#which is practically the definition for my tertiary f/os lol#anyways#i hope today/tonight is a good one for you <3#morning rambles
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i'm honestly considering remaking because i seriously think something about having the same account for so many years is scary. like i don't want to delete this account but i sort of really do?
#op#BEWARE these tags are A LOT#i don't like having a very strong presence in places anymore. i like making an impact but#the second i feel too insecure in the situation i'm OUT#i prefer being able to move on at will yk? i like being able to vanish it feels so freeing#before this i've had like 3-4 blogs on completely different accounts and once i left the fandom i just deleted my blog#like no warning no anything just deleting it#and those people literally never heard from me again and that's really comforting idk how to describe it#i get super restless after using the same account for a long time#and someone linking two accounts i've previously had not only annoys me it really really scares me#i've gotten pretty paranoid over the years that if anyone knew who i really was they'd hate me lmao#which is why i really like moving on from groups#i guess it means something that i'm sticking around for this one. sootpologist is my oldest blog ever and i wanna keep it that way#but i don't know if i should just leave the account for a while and go to a new one for a bit? make this more of a home base and make a#secondary blog? fuck man who knows#idk lots of nonsense today. also hi again
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really starting to think someone put the evil eye on me.....
#all 3 of my final lab exams went horribly#today i had an oral exam & my first train was canceled & the second one was 20 minutes late#i arrived 7 minutes late but i was thankfully still on time bc there was still another student in the exam room#my teacher obviously wasn't amused but she was still nice & i got a b which i'm satisfied with#but my teacher seems convinced that i can do much better like a b isn't a good grade?? let me live 😭#i guess i was still lucky bc i was there on time after all & got a good grade but it was soooo stressful i'm glad i didn't cry#and my mom made it so much worse when i told her my train wasn't coming she got all mad at me like it was my fault???#she kept saying i finally need to grow up like girl what does that have to do with the train being canceled? 😭#she stressed me out even more & she actually could've easily driven me to my exam bc i had still had over an hour to get there#but instead she kept berating me and making me feel even worse...#and i kept telling her i'm already stressed enough can't you tell me smth uplifting but she just kept being negative & condescending#it's a little frustrating how all my exams before the finals went so good but now that it really matters everything seems to be going south#but ultimately i just want to pass everything and never set foot into this school again i can't wait for all this to be over 😪#and sometimes i really think the girls i surround myself with at school want me to fail..#like i often miss school bc of mental problems & sometimes i feel like they're mad that i still do well in school??#idk maybe i'm reading too much into it but sometimes it really feels like they're waiting for my downfall#our 'friendship' is very superficial as well & i often feel left out from the group tbh#like last friday i stayed behind a little to talk to a girl & none of them waited for me even though we all go to the train station togethe#but they always wait for the other girls of the group..#i'm not taking this too personally bc i don't see them as good or close friends & i know once school is over i won't see them again anyways#but it does hurt a little bc i'm always the odd one out who struggles to make friends no matter where i am#either way..... please please please just let me pass all of my exams & let everything fall into place in my life 🧿🧿🧿#☁️
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