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curioscurio · 5 years ago

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Seriida headcannons because i have brainrot:

• One day Sero puts on roller skates and waits till Iida starts his warm up of running as fast as he can around the tract and right as he takes off Sero shoots his tape at Iida.

• Funniest 3 minutes of Seros life. that is until Iida realizes he has a stowaway and IMMEDIATELY stops but SERO KEEPS GOING

• Long story short Iida has to run Sero to the nurses office because he skated into a tree

• That video of a car driving by with crazy revved engines but someone was playing a trumpet in it to make car sounds thats sero and iida but sero is riding on his back

• Theyre both health nuts but like on opposite sides of the spectrum

• Iida eats 12 vitamin gummies and protien shakes and enhanced health juices and shit

• And sero is like "iida.... the chemicals.." and eats a handful of basil before going out the door to energize himself

• Iida snores and sometimes when he snores his engines will gently purr and tbh it drives Sero absolutely wild. He thinks its the cutest thing ever

• Yes iida will occasionally smoke with sero but only off of school property on a weekend where he can just tell everyone they were out on a date

• Which they usually are but you know

• Sero leans on Iida all the time. He's sleepy? Lean. Need a shoulder to put his head on? Lean. Looking over his shoulder? Hand on the small of his back and lean. Arm over the shoulder. Hanging off his neck. Mans a koala basically.

• Iida likes to fix Sero's hair or tie or uniform when it's messy or out of place. Sero laughs but if it's in front of his friends he blushes like a madman

• Sero is really good at origami and makes little flowers for Iida. Iida is not imune to origami flowers

• Sometimes Sero falls asleep on Iidas shoulder during movies or when he's high or during late night studying and Iida takes it upon himself to carry him to his room every single time...

• in like 5 more mins tho i mean the movie is almost over theres no reason to wake him up yet 👀👀

• Seriida fusion would be named Hanten and their quirk would be asphalt feet so like. Imagine the sole of their feet produces molten asphalt and on the ankle is a wheel that flatens it out as soon as they roll over it. Essentially heelies that pave roads if that helps.

• Sero loves hearing Iida ramble and just lets him speak about whatever's on his mind and Sero will listen intently

• Example It's very obvious when Iida has a bad day and he will try and hold back because he doesnt want to overhwelm Sero but the minuite Sero asks what's wrong Iida let's it all flow out

• On the other hand, getting Sero to talk about his deep feelings is like pulling teeth and sometimes it's hard for Iida because Sero will just Not Want To Talk About It and iida just wants to find a solution or fix the problem

• Also sorry kind of off topic but Iida is the "can i speak to the manager" and "excuse me he ask for no pickles" and sero eats the pickles so not to cause a scene

• Who's more reckless Iida or Sero? Well

• Iida is reckless in life or death situations and will always sacrifice himself for a civillians sake or to avenge something and Sero has to snap him out of it.

• "Oh my god! Some idiot hero just rushed into the burning bulding at incredible speeds-"

• Sero, swearing: "thATS MY IDIOT"

• Sero is casually reckless as in driving one handed, jumping into unknown situations, jumping off roofs but trusting that iida would catch him, approaching a wild animal, that kind of thing.

• Does things that he doesnt realize are reckless. Would drink cactus juice because plant=water of course

• Iida has to stop him from licking swingsets because Denki dared him to

• THEY TAKE CARE OF EAVHOTHERRRR

• When sero forgets to eat and iida bring him a snack and/or a meal

• Sero taking on some of Iida's communal chores because Iida already does like 26363u3 things for their class

• Iida letting Sero cuddle close to him when its really cold outside and it feels like he's back in the ice at the sports festival and everyone is watching and pitying him but oh! Iida is there with an arm over his shoulder and now it's just the two of them and sero feels warm again and oh wow iida is a big man

• Sero noticing that it's Iida's turn to cook for the dorm that night and see's the way Iida's hands shake when it comes time to slice the vegatables and Sero gently takes the knife away from his trembling fingers. Gives iida a new task and takes over most of the cooking but sero really doesnt mind.

• When iida has nightmares about that dark alleyway and the smell of blood and wakes up thrashing but calms down because the smell of the insence in seros room is nothing like blood. The salt lamp in the corner keeps the darkness away and sero groggily asks if he's ok and grabs iida's hand and helps him breathe through it. sero gets up and makes iida a cup of tea and listens to iida talk about his dream and reassures him till iida can fall back asleep

• Middle of a battle and Iida gets cut up on his arm but Sero INSTANTLY drops by him to apply a tape bandage and make sure he's ok

• A villain is about to strike Iida from behind but suddenly his weapon stops mid swing and he's completely imobilized by tape and holy shit have you ever seen cellophane that pissed off before ??

• Sero fighting a villain up on a super high building but gets knocked out and thrown off and iida can only see a small silhouette plummeting from the sky from where he is. Iida books it as fast as he can and just barely manages to catch Sero before he hits the ground.

• When Sero wakes up he weakly snickers and Iida is holding him close, panicking, and asks "what's so funny??? Do you have a concussion" and seros like "i bet denki 20 buck i that the next time i got knocked the fuck out i would wake up in your arms. Im taking you out someplace bougie tonight babey"

#bnha #boku no hero acadamia #iida tenya #sero hanta #seriida #seroiida #headcanon #my hero academy

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horansqueen · 4 years ago

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New Angel - Chapter 14

story masterlist [x]

chapter 1 ☆ chapter 2 ☆ chapter 3 ☆ chapter 4 ☆ chapter 5 ☆ chapter 6 ☆ chapter 7 ☆ chapter 8 ☆ chapter 9 ☆ chapter 10 ☆ chapter 11 ☆ chapter 12 ☆ chapter 13

NOTES

☆ written from Niall’s pov ☆ i don’t proofread, I never do, I hate it. ☆ AU comedy/fluff/smut/romance ☆ 2.7k ☆ i accept requests and ideas for this story, so message me in my inbox! ☆ if you want to be notified when this story is updated (or be taken off the update list) CLICK HERE

NIALL

When I pushed on the door of the library, I felt lighter and I had a smile on my face. I was even starting to wonder if maybe I should give up on a love and sex life altogether. I knew it could bring joy and happiness, but at the exact moment, all it did was confuse me and make me nervous, and honestly, I didn't need that.

I smiled when I noticed Millie sitting behind the counter, her head leaned against her hand and looking down, probably deeply lost in a book. I stared at her a few seconds and saw her look up at someone who came to ask a question. She got up and they talked so I decided to walk the aisles to find something new to read. I ended up with a book full of random thoughts and sat at a table near the counter to make sure she'd see me. It took my friend only a few seconds to notice me and her lips curled as she raised her eyebrows. I waved slightly at her and checked my watch. I still had about ten minutes to wait and I just opened the book to start reading. It's only when I felt someone sit next to me that I got out of my thoughts a bit but I still had to blink a few times to get back completely to reality, turning around and smiling to Millie who leaned her elbow on the table and placed her chin on her palm, staring at me.

"I'm glad you came." she whispered, making me raise my eyebrows.

"I said I would, did you doubt it?"

She shrugged a shoulder and looked away. "When Louis said he'd come, it was a 50/50 bet to take."

"Perfect. That's the first thing you'll write down on your list."

She raised her eyebrows a bit surprised and I just got up and walked back to the desk where one of her co-workers was now sitting. I sent the girl a big smile and bent down slightly, asking her for paper and pen. She smiled back and started playing with a lock of her hair before nodding and giving me a few sheets and two pen. I walked back to Millie with a winner smile and she rolled her eyes, chuckling as I sat back down.

"T'was easy."

"With those eyes and that smile you can clearly get anything you want." she pointed out, rolling her eyes again.

"You almost sound jealous."

I gave her a sheet and a pen as she sighed, taking the pen in her hand and scribbling at the top to make sure the pen was working.

"I am." she confessed in a whisper. "It must be amazing to be you."

"Can I remind you that the girl I thought I'd spent my life with has broken my heart?"

"And then came back. I don't think you realize how lucky you are. Not about Grace coming back, but about everyone falling in love with you super easily." she explained, staring down at her sheet.

I looked at what she was writing and smiled sadly. 'All The Things I Hate About Lou'.

"How many times did you have your heart broken, Niall?" she continued, drawing hearts next to Louis' name.

"What do you mean?"

"How many girls did you fall for that didn't love you back? How many girls did you date and loved actually left you? How many of them made you cry?" she elaborated, making me frown slightly. "And I'm not even asking about the girls you just wanted to shag. I'm pretty sure not many refused."

"I've been through unrequited love, too, you know." I shook my head. "I know how it feels."

"You probably broke more hearts than the number of times yours has been broken." she added slowly with an other shrug and a sigh. "I'm not saying you didn't hurt or that your pain is not real or important I just mean..." she paused and shook her head, her eyes finally meeting mine. "I just mean that it must amazing to be you."

"Maybe it's time you see that it's also amazing to be you, Mill." I pointed out. "And the fact that Louis broke your heart doesn't mean you're not incredible, okay?"

I grabbed my pen and started writing X's on all the hearts she had drawn and finally added the number '1'.

"Okay..."

"Now write down how unreliable he is."

Millie looked up at me and her lips curled a bit before she chuckled. I waited until she was done and grabbed my sheet too, making a long vertical line in the middle before writing 'Grace' on the left and 'Summer' on the right. I separated both their cases in two too, writing 'pros' on both sides and then 'cons'.

I stared at the sheet for a minute or two and finally sighed. I had no idea what to write. Not because they didn't have qualities and flaws, but because I knew it would bring me closer to a decision I was clearly not ready to make.

"You don't have to write anything right now." I heard, feeling Millie's hand on my shoulder.

I kept my eyes on the sheets and licked my lips, nodding slowly and finally, I folded the sheet and put it in my back pocket. Millie got up and I did the same, forcing myself to put a smile back on my face and I walked past her. She followed me outside and when we were out, I stopped and turned to her, raising my eyebrows. I decided to put anything that had to do with love away for now, burring it deep in my brain for a while, focusing only on doing fun things.

"Okay, so what's your routine after work?"

She looked a bit surprised but finally turned around, pointing at a small restaurant not too far. "I go there first."

"Alright, let's go there, then."

I followed her inside and she ordered three pieces of pizza and three water bottles. The person behind the counter smiled and prepared the food, putting every slices of pizza in a different box. I watched Millie pay and grab the bag the guy was handing her before sending him a smile.

"Thanks Jon, I'll see you tomorrow."

We walked out and I raised my eyebrows, looking at her with an amused smile. "You literally know his name?"

"We all work around each other so we sort of see each other often. Not just with Jon but with other people too." she clarified, handing me a box. I grabbed it and she looked again in the bag for a water bottle, giving it to me too.

"Please, tell me the other pizza is not for Louis."

She looked up in my eyes and her lips curled. "No!" she chuckled as she started walking quicker. I followed her in an alley but frowned as I pushed my hands in my pockets. I was not sure why we were there but I didn't even have time to ask. I saw my friend bend down near a man who was sleeping and whisper something to him. He jumped slightly and she laughed, handing him a box and a water bottle. He sat up and grabbed both a small smile on his lips.

"What is it today, Millie?"

"Pizza." she pointed out. "How are you today, Ernie?"

I watched her interact with a homeless man just standing there and wondering who the hell was this girl I thought I knew, and why didn't I try to find out more about her before,

"Is your friend mute or just dumb?" the man asked, making my friend laugh.

"I'd have to pick the latter."

I frowned at her and took a step closer. "Hey! That's rude!"

"Ernie, this is my friend Niall. Niall, this is my friend Ernie."

I sent him a small smile and a head nod before Millie sighed and got back up, telling him she was leaving but that she'd be back the next day. She walked past me and I was about to follow her but finally took the few steps separating me from Ernie and handed him my box.

"Thanks, kid."

I nodded again and turned on my heels, jogging slightly to reach Millie who just looked at me with her lips curled on the left. I raised my eyebrows and shrugged, pushing my hands back in my pockets. "What?"

"Nothing."

I could hear in her voice that she was thinking about something but I couldn't decipher the way she was looking at me. I smiled back at her and finally cleared my throat. "Okay, what's next?"

She took her slice of pizza out of the box and took a bite before handing it to me. "Once a week, I go to the movies and the other days, I just go in the old dvd and vhs shop where they sell old movies for a buck or two."

"And what's today?" I replied, my mouth full of pizza. "The shop. Cinema is on thursday because it's pay day."

"Makes sense."

We walked inside a small shop and the bell placed on top of the door rang gently. She waved at the employee and he waved back before she chose an aisle and tilted her head on the side to read the titles. It took her about five minutes before her lips curled and she grabbed one. It was a tape and I started wondering if she even had a VCR to watch it.

"This. Did you ever see it?"

She handed me a box and I raised my nose up when I noticed Leonardo Dicaprio on the cover. I turned the tape around and noticed the incredible landscapes pictured. The images would probably look even better on DVD or in 4K but I didn't mention it and just nodded. It was her routine, not mine, and I was extremely curious to find out more about her.

"Nop, never."

"It's a good movie, with a few French actors."

I followed her to pay and the guy behind the counter smiled and nodded. "Ah, nice one."

"I know right? I think I'm gonna keep this one."

"A movie where Leonardo Dicaprio goes nuts? Good idea to keep it." he added, making her chuckle.

"And the girl is nice to look at, too." Millie added, making the guy nod frenetically.

I looked around the place, quite surprised at how many choices they had. How many nice places like this was I missing on? And why didn't I ever hear about them?

"What did you mean when you said you'd keep this one?" I asked when we walked out.

"Oh, when I bring back three movies, I can trade it for one. I do that sometimes."

I turned to look at her and she did the same just to send me a smile before turning her head back in front of her. We kept walking but I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I thought I knew Millie but I had just realized that there were so many things about her that she didn't share and that I didn't take the time to ask, I knew that even if our friendship was not recent, our bond and how close we were was pretty new but at the same time, I felt like there were things I should know about her.

I should have checked where I was going because once again, I ended up running into a trash can on the sidewalk. Millie started laughing and I groaned, taking my hands out of my pockets before getting around it and walking quickly to her.

"Shut up." I mumbled, making her laugh even more.

"You don't seem like the clumsy kind of guy, I'm just surprised every time you run into something, and it seems to happen a lot!"

"Yea yea, how about you stop laughing and we just go back home to watch that movie?"

We had to watch the movie in her room for the simple reason that the videotape recorder was there and it seemed like way too much trouble to plug it in the living room. I made popcorn but Millie opened a few drawers and placed candies on her bed and it made me smile.

"Why don't you buy 6 or 7 movies at the same time? That way you don't have to go back there every day." I proposed, throwing some popcorn in my mouth and leaning against the wall with her.

"I can't know which mood i'll be in. It's a spur of the moment thing." she explained as the movie started. "Plus, I love going there."

"And what do we do after watching the movie?"

"It's dinner. Then shower, a few episodes of a netflix show, and bed time."

We watched the movie for a while and I had to admit the plotline was good, even if a bit fucked up. Millie was also right about the girl : she was very nice to look at and somehow, it made me glance at her.

"That girl is hot as fuck." I admitted, making Millie burst into laughter as she pushed an other candy in her mouth.

"I know right! And she's your type, too! I knew you'd like her!"

I blinked a few times and once again turned to my friend, leaning my head on the wall. I hated when she said that. I knew she didn't mean anything by it but I didn't want to admit that I would use some sort of base or mold to pick a girl. I hated thinking that I was shallow to the point where other girls who were not 'my type' wouldn't catch my eyes or stand a chance with me. And most of all, I hated that Millie saw me like that. I was about to start a discussion about it when Millie talked again, her eyes still glued on the tv.

"What about you?" she glanced at me. "What's your routine?"

I crossed my arms on my chest and shrugged a shoulder as my nose raised up in a grimace. "I don't have a routine anymore. My routine used to be with Grace and when she left, it became netflix from when the sun rises until it would set."

The fact that it was just being clear to me made something twist in my stomach. Who the fuck was I? Could I remember who I was before Grace? And now, with Summer, was I really myself?

I took the sheet out of my back pocket and unfolded it just as Millie handed me a pen and a book to write on. I looked up at her and sent her a small smile before writing under the cons in Grace's column. 'She decides everything'

"You know, I think that's part of why you annoyed me so much." Millie admitted. I looked up from the sheet and sent her a frown. Her traits softened and she sent me a sorry smile. "She would just tell you what she wanted and what to do and you'd never argue. She was bossy and controlling."

I couldn't pretend she was not right and I nodded with a sigh. "You know the worst? Summer is exactly the opposite. She's super compliant and it can get quite annoying."

Millie raised her eyebrows at me. "Well I guess you found something to write in the cons for Summer."

I sighed again but louder this time before looking down at my sheet again. I wrote down what I had just said and shook my head a bit. It was pathetic that the first things I thought about writing were flaws and I closed my eyes, letting my head fall against the wall in a loud noise after closing my eyes. "This is ridiculous, I can't choose."

"Hey, relax, it's just day one."

I felt my friend move on the bed and forced myself to open my eyes, noticing Millie was now facing me with a small smile. "We have 6 more days to fill that sheet." she slapped gently my thigh with the back of her hand and licked her lips as they curled more. "Trust me."

#niall horan #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan story #niall horan love story #niall horan writing #niall horan au #my fanfics #newangel

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deniigi · 4 years ago

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i have been sick in bed with a stomach bug and re-reading a bunch of your series and these questions have plagued me so pls, for the sake of your fellow samuel chung lover, if sammy was in the Selkie verse, would he be a fae? if so, what kind? ALSO, what would his interactions with jack be like (either in the selkie verse or in the lying by omission verse)? pls and thanks <3

hi!

I’ll answer asks in a bit, but for this one I have a fic that explore a What If Jack Lived/Mike existed scenario with Sam in the Inimitable verse? I know it’s now what you asked for, but it is like 4k already written so that might be smth--an LBO Sam would be tricky because Sam would be itty bitty and Matt wouldn’t have the same kind of relationship with him.

As for selkie-verse Sam? I would have to do more research on Chinese spirts/fae/folklore, but for now, he’s not fae, just human 💖He’s like 12 and can make himself invisible though, which would be very confusing for Sue if she ever bumped into him

(Sue: baby boggart??? come here I love you I will look after you.)

(Sam: please stay exactly 5037 feet away from me! Thank you and I’m calling my mom!)

Here is the What If Jack and Mike thing from the Inimitable Verse.

Jack Murdock was the size of a house. He made Matt look dainty. He made Kirsten look like a kids’ mannequin. And he made Foggy laugh until he wept.

Sam could not understand a goddamn thing he said. Nor could he understand the guy he’d brought with him, who appeared to have had some serious plastic surgery to look exactly like Matt.

Sam could take an unintelligible giant. What he couldn’t take was an unintelligible Matt, and before him, somehow, in this ring of ginger, he’d been presented with two unintellible Matts.

His head was spinning.

Kirsten patted at him sympathetically.

“I’m from New York,” Sam told her mournfully.

“I know, hon.”

“How is this even possible? You’re from New York. How are they—what are they saying?”

Kirsten shook her head.

“Only Foggy knows,” she said. “It’s okay, he’ll translate when he gets back up.”

Mr. Murdock, the tallest of the gingers, might have been a good three to four inches taller than his boys, and he might have had the biggest hands that Sam had ever had the opportunity to touch in his life, but he was really nothing but a big, shaggy sheep dog.

The reasons Sam couldn’t understand a single fucking word he said came threefold.

1) Mr. Murdock had grown up in mid-century Hell’s Kitchen. That was just how accents from those parts used to sound. They’d lightened with time.

2) He had an extra layer of what Matt called a ‘brogue.’ He was first-generation American. Both his folks had immigrated from Ireland. He talked halfway between the way they talked and the way that the kids in his neighborhood growing up had.

And 3) The man had a lisp?

It wasn’t super noticeable. Sam sure as shit couldn’t hear it among the other layers of stuff going on, but Foggy said it was there.

Apparently, it came out more when he was anxious.

Apparently, he was anxious a lot.

Foggy told Sam to just give it an hour and he’d understand.

“So your name is Sam?” Mr. Murdock asked him while Sam tried to keep his mouth from falling open.

Matt was holding his facial-copy-cat against the wall by his lapels. The copy-cat had started making kissy noises at him. He egged Matt on to punch him right in the face.

No one was stopping them.

Kirsten cleared her throat and brought Sam back down to earth.

“Yeah,” he said. “Sam. Mr., uh—”

“Call me Jack.”

Never.

“Matty hasn’t said much about you, sorry to say.” Mr. Murdock explained. The more he spoke directly to Sam, the more Sam found, to his relief, that he could understand him. “He don’t like sharin’ things his brother can get ahold of and take from ‘im.”

Sam looked from him to the ‘brother.’

“There’s two of them?” he asked.

Mr. Murdock hummed.

“God help us, every one,” he huffed.

You can say that again.

“How long has there been two?” Sam asked hesitantly.

“Mm? Oh, uh. Christ with the math,” Mr. Murdock said, “Michael—Michael—boy, you knock that off; that’s how you lose teeth—how old are you now?”

Nevermind. Sam didn’t need to know.

“I’m ageless, Pops, remember?” ‘Michael’ said, grinning at Matt’s sneer in his face, “Everlasting, never dying. Immortal. Timeless. I’m—” Dude got the wind knocked out his sails from Matt aiming for his solar plexus instead of his face.

“Maitiú,” Mr. Murdock said sharply. “He’s your brother.”

“He earned it,” Matt snapped back at his dad. “You said ‘no teeth,’ I ain’t even touched his goddamn teeth.”

“No, you coward, you wouldn’t, would you?” Michael threw back at Matt with no sense in his head. “You scared of gettin’ stuck on all that metal, huh?”

“I ain’t got my tetanus booster,” Matt deadpanned.

“Oh, get the yellow fever one next time, it’s a hoot—”

“I’m mailing you back to Thailand in a crate.”

“Oh mail me, why don’t you?”

“I’m gonna.”

“Boys,” Mr. Murdock said, exasperated. “Knock it off. You love each other. We get it.”

Kirsten shook with giggles.

“I’d drown you in the open ocean and then kill myself,” Matt said through gritted teeth. His nose was maybe an inch from his brother’s.

Michael just beamed.

“Aw, babe. You’d do that for me?” he gushed.

“HHhhh—”

“Maitiú.”

Sam had never heard someone said ‘Matthew’ this way. It was delightful. It made Matt’s shoulders go stiff as a board and then squirm in barely contained fury.

“Thank you,” Mr. Murdock said. “Drop ‘im.”

Matt didn’t want to, but he released his grip on his sibling. Michael slipped down and then caught himself and straightened himself out.

“Well, I’ll never,” he said. “We come all this way to visit you on your deathbed and—”

“I’m not dying,” Matt said.

“—you worry Dad sick for months on end. Don’t call. Don’t write. He thought the Californians had eaten you—"

“—I told him that it was a dislocation and I’m fine—”

“—and of course I told him, ‘no Dad, there ain’t any more cannibals in California than there are in New York’ but who listens to Mike, huh?”

Mr. Murdock had only been in the house for 15 minutes and he already looked exhausted.

“Where are the dogs?” he asked Foggy.

---

This was the weirdest time-out session Sam had ever experienced and he’d decided that he was living for it. Mr. Murdock went out onto the deck and locked himself out there with the dogs. Matt and his brother had never been more guilty.

Quickly the arguing turned towards scheming, which turned towards climbing out a window, which turned towards getting stuck on the roof and pleading with the Father to lend a hand.

Mr. Murdock observed Matt sobbing with laughter over Mike’s sudden anxiety of stepping from the roof to the deck’s arm railing with only hollowness.

“Mike’s not very super,” Sam pointed out to Kirsten.

“Nope,” she said brightly. “He is refreshingly normal,” she said. “Even the conman part.”

The what?

---

Matt climbed off the roof with ease and took the opportunity to finally give his old man a hug, which Mr. Murdock seemed to appreciate. He smoothed a giant mitt of a hand through Matt’s hair tenderly, like he was a baby.

It was kind of cute.

Mike scowled at them both and announced that he was pretty fine, by the way. He’d just stay there on the roof until the vultures got him.

“Matt’s the younger twin,” Foggy told Sam cheerfully. “He can do no wrong.”

Sam felt like he could suddenly see the forest for the trees.

“And Mike?” he asked.

Foggy snickered.

“He and Jack live together to keep each other in good cardiac shape,” he said. “They drive each other nuts.”

“But they still live together?” Sam clarified.

“Yeah,” Foggy said. “Mike’s what happens when you give a used-car salesman ever so slightly too much brain. He travels all over. Gets shot at and held hostage a lot. He’ll do just about anything for a couple bucks, no matter how hard Jack’s tried to get him to go straight over the years.”

“And Mr. Murdock? He doesn’t mind his son living with him?” Sam asked.

Kirsten and Foggy softened.

“Matt used to check on him more when we lived back home,” Foggy said. “Without him and Mike, Jack’s by himself. He’s got friends and work, yeah, but you know. If it weren’t for Mike, he’d come home to an empty apartment every night. Man’s got too much head trauma for that to be any kind of good. Mike looks after him—probably more than he lets anyone else. He’s too stubborn to let Matt try to help him.”

Aw, cute.

“Be prepared, Sammy,” Foggy said. “Jack’s already adopted you.”

Say what now?

---

Mr. Murdock didn’t outright say that Sam was puny and he was going to fix it, but Sam could see it in his disappointed gaze.

“Don’t like bread?” he asked as Sam chewed his way through an Uncrustable at the kitchen table. Sam froze with the sandwich in hand. He stared at it.

It was bread.

Surely, this was bread.

Right?

“Uh?” he tried.

“Don’t like the crusts?” Mr. Murdock asked him more gently.

Oh.

“I don’t mind them, these are premade though. You know, convenient,” Sam explained.

He got a stare impossible to read.

“Stay there,” Mr. Murdock decided.

It took too long for Sam’s brain to work out what had just happened, and by the time it had, it was too late. Matt stuck his head in the room and asked Sam why he’d told his dad that Matt was starving him.

Sam floundered and tried to explain the sandwiches. Matt absorbed this and rolled his whole head.

“Well, now he’s makin’ a week’s worth for you,” he sighed. “Wants you to eat the crust.”

Dude.

“It’s easier not to question it,” Matt sighed. “What kind of jelly do you want?”

---

Matt didn’t interrogate his father, but Mike did. Unrepentantly. He walked in as Sam was emphasizing that he didn’t want any kind of jelly and he’d make his own sandwiches and understood the entire situation faster than Sam could have possibly explained it.

“FATHER,” he roared. “Leave the boy alone, he’s not starvin’, he’s just short.”

Flattering. Thanks, asshole.

There was no response from the kitchen. Matt told Mike to ease off. Mr. Murdock was trying to be nice.

“There’s nice and then there’s rude,” Mike said.

“And you’re rude?” Matt offered.

There was a pause.

A warm hand found the space in between Sam’s shoulder blades.

“I’m sorry about both of ‘em, kid, they got rocks for brains, it ain’t their fault. Our grandfather was a caveman, you know how it is,” Mike said kindly.

Matt was not amused.

“It’s not a big deal,” he repeated. “I’ll eat ‘em if Sam doesn’t want ‘em.”

“And subject yourself to peanut butter hell for multiple days in a row, Maitiú?” Mike asked, scandalized.

Matt glared in the direction of the stairs.

“Some of us enjoy nut protein,” he said.

Sam blinked in shock as big hands slapped themselves over his ears.

“There are children present,” Mike hissed.

Sam found the guy’s middle fingers and yanked. Mike swore. Matt chuckled.

“He ain’t a baby,” he said fondly. “Sam’s a tough cookie.”

You’re damn right he was.

“Charming,” Mike grumbled as Matt abandoned them for the kitchen again. He scowled down at Sam. “What’s your gimmick then?” he asked.

Sam wondered if he could make his contacts come out by blinking slowly enough. It would be cool as fuck. It definitely wasn’t happening.

“I control typhoons,” he said.

Mike winced.

“Fuckin’ vigilantes,” he said.

---

Mr. Murdock gave Sam a second sandwich. He’d cut it into quarters.

“Matt says you don’t like jelly,” he said. “Bananas are better?”

Sam couldn’t help but like him.

“Yeah. I don’t eat much bread generally,” he said. “My family has always been more about rice.”

Mr. Murdock analyzed him.

“I can do rice,” he said.

Bless. It was okay, really.

“Do you like spicy things, Mr. Murdock?” Sam asked.

“Jack.”

Nice try.

“Spicy?” Sam repeated.

Mr. Murdock considered it.

“Not sure,” he said. “You mean like hot sauce? I ain’t fuck with that ghost pepper shit.”

Sam hummed.

“Before you leave, I’ll cook for you in return,” he said. “I won’t make it too spicy, cross my heart.”

Mr. Murdock considered this and then got a look in his eye that made Sam’s cheeks start to ache a little.

---

Matt told Sam to play nice. Matt told his father to play nice.

There was to be no hiding chilis in Mike’s pasta.

They were caught and scolded.

“Not to worry,” Mr. Murdock told Sam fondly, “There are other ways.”

---

Sam had never seen such outrage over a knot in a shoelace. Matt crossed his arms over his chest, seconds away from tapping his own foot.

“You said you were ready,” he reminded Mike for the fourth time.

“I know what I said,” Mike snapped at him. He’d dug through all the kitchen drawers to procure a metal skewer to apply to this situation.

“We’re going to be late,” Matt said. “I wait for my guide, she doesn’t wait for me.”

“Well she’s waitin’ today,” Mike said. “I swear to god—”

Mr. Murdock stroked the top of Tuesday’s head and asked Mike if he’d tried putting baby powder on it. Mike spat at him to mind his own business and went back to the knot. He managed it get it untangled and the shoe half on just in time to find the second one stuck in the third hole down.

He just about vibrated with fury.

Matt sighed loudly.

“Borrow mine already,” he said.

“Never.”

“Mike.”

“They’re blue. This outfit tolerates only warm colors, Matthew. ONLY warms.”

“We’re late.”

“Style waits for no man.”

“Well, clearly that ain’t the case, is it?”

Mike stood up sharply.

“I’m going to change,” he said. “And whatever elf tied these will rue the day. Mark my words.”

“Yeah, okay, I’ll tell the elf—oh, my bad, the clown, Mike. It’s you. Get your life together. We’re late.”

Hilarious.

---

“Why don’t you move out here?” Sam asked Mr. Murdock as he watched Sam sand away at his latest secret project in Matt’s absence.

“Sun’ll kill me,” Mr. Murdock deadpanned.

“I thought so too, but it’s not so bad,” Sam said. “I miss the snow sometimes.”

Mr. Murdock cocked his head and then knelt down to take the sanding block out of Sam’s hands. He gestured for Sam to give him the hunk of wood in his hands, too.

“Matty says you don’t got papers,” he said.

Sam was surprised. Matt usually kept that secret locked tight. But Mr. Murdock didn’t seem to have any adverse reaction to it.

“No,” Sam admitted. “My mom brought me here when I was really little. I didn’t know what it meant to overstay a visa.”

Mr. Murdock hummed.

“Makes flying tricky,” he said.

Yeah.

“Bus, not too bad, though?”

Mm. Bus was better, yes.

“Train?”

Depended on the train.

“Hm. Well, if you get homesick or need busfare, you just give a shout, ya hear? You’re always welcome to stay with us.”

Aww.

“Or if you really hate yourself, I’m sure Mike would love to come pick you up.”

Oh god.

“He can drive?” Sam asked.

Mr. Murdock paused and held his face in his dusty palm.

“The day he got his license was the worst day of my life,” he said.

Sam snickered.

“Did you guys drive all the way here?” he asked.

“No, thank god.”

“Can you drive?”

“Son.”

Sam looked up from the block of wood into Mr. Murdock’s hazel eyes.

“I take two steps out of New York and I’m gone, that’s me dead. No, I don’t drive. Why the hell would I drive? Where the hell am I goin’?”

Wow, mood.

“I tried to drive once,” Sam said. “Reversed into a fire hydrant. Matt laughed so hard he cried.”

Mr. Murdock handed back the woodblock. It was much smoother than it had been. Sam was chocking that up to the muscles and the practice.

---

Matt and Mike got home and Mike announced that he was disowning that ‘putrid being’ that was the Swamp Monster beside him. Matt told Mr. Murdock that Mike didn’t approve of the swimming part of triathlon.

Mr. Murdock picked leaves out of his hair with supreme patience.

---

“So Dad’s officially decided that you’re his grandson,” Mike informed Sam out of nowhere that Sunday. “He prayed for you at church today.”

Sam almost dropped his wrench. That was so endearing his teeth hurt.

“It’s ‘cause I do woodwork,” he said. “He can smell the handyman on me.”

Mike cocked his head to the side. His eyes were blue like Matt’s. Their mom must have had blue eyes—or maybe hazel like Mr. Murdock’s.

“No,” Mike said. “It’s ‘cause he’s also been a grocery bagger, a janitor, and a contractor.”

He what now?

“He wants to know why you aren’t in college.”

Oh. well—

“Matt tried to explain, but you know, it ain’t clickin’. He don’t get the politics part of things sometimes. Gets confused why people make such a big deal when there’s obvious solutions in front of ‘em. It’s not all his fault, he barely got a highschool diploma back when ‘critical thinking’ wasn’t even a testing category. Anyways, he wants you to go to college. Thinks you’re too smart to be pushin’ paper.”

Sam was going to cry.

“I think he sees a lot of Matt in you,” Mike said with a squint. “So just as a warning, he’s unbearable. Always—well, no. More like 95% of the year. He’s alright around New Years when he’s tired. You can tell him to fuck off at any time, though.”

No, no. It was okay. It was nice to have…more family. That’s what it was.

“I hope you know what this means, Samuel,” Mike said.

Mmm no?

Mike’s hand clasped his shoulder.

“You can call me ‘uncle,’” he said.

Ah.

No, thanks.

---

Foggy and Kirsten couldn’t look at Sam without bursting into merciless laughter, which Sam had realized was a result of Mike’s vocal distress at his rejected offer of uncle-dom. Sam didn’t know what to tell him.

Mr. Murdock was nice. Enormous, yes, but very well meaning and gentle. His and Sam’s priorities and experience in life aligned neatly and Sam was slightly charmed by the way that he expressed himself verbally only to Matt and Mike.

Sam also didn’t hate Mike. He just didn’t want him to have uncle privileges. He didn’t see what was difficult about this.

“Mike’s got a history of rejection,” Foggy said. “And by that, I mean that every woman on the eastern seaboard has rejected him and he tries anyways.”

---

Matt came downstairs and told Sam to ignore everything Mike said to him all day. He also said that they were going out that night, so don’t burn fingers on the soldering iron.

Sam saluted in acknowledgement.

Forty minutes later there was a rap at his door followed by Mike saying through it that he wanted to show Sam something.

Sam did not open the door.

He heard Matt’s name being cursed on the other side.

---

Twenty minutes later there was another knock, this time with Mike saying that Mr. Murdock wanted to bond with Sam.

Sam nudged open his curtains and squinted hard into the backyard where he could see the vague shape of Matt chatting to his dad on the deck stairs, both apparently having a beer and shooting the shit.

This was a scam.

Sam would not be scammed.

He went back to the suit.

There was more cursing outside the door.

---

About half an hour later, there was a knock, followed by Mr. Murdock’s voice this time, asking Sam if his shoes were supposed to be on the front porch.

They were not.

This was playing dirty.

Sam ventured out to go right this wrong and ended up outside on the front porch with the conman himself. Mike closed the door after him triumphantly and proceeded to get them both locked out.

“Are you supposed to be a good conman or?” Sam asked.

Mike gaped at him.

“The best conman,” he said. “Don’t worry, kid, I’ve broken into a thousand houses and won two horses. I’ve got this.”

That was not comforting. Sam was not comforted.

“First, we gotta test all the windows, and, failing that, we get a rock or a gun,” Mike told him with a knowing finger.

Sam blinked at it and then up at Mike. The man’s shoulders twitched.

“Uh?” Mike said.

Ah. The eyes. No contacts today.

“Do you like them? They’re Prada,” Sam said to absolute silence.

“A brick,” Mike announced abruptly. “A brick works too. Like a rock but bigger.”

Okay, so they weren’t talking about it, gotcha. Look, a whole family’s worth of repression styles. Sam was glad that they had a full set of methods.

---

Sam broke into his own bedroom through the window. Mike clapped for him outside. Sam opted to leave him there.

---

He was sort of sad to see the Murdocks go, especially after seeing the effect that the most senior of them had on Matt.

Sam hadn’t seen him this chilled out. He visibly relaxed under his dad’s hand on the back of his neck. He tolerated the fussing and constant hair fixing and the fingers brushing at his cheeks and elbows. Mr. Murdock guided him with the same practiced ease that Foggy and Kirsten did, but his guiding was accompanied by a quiet, ongoing commentary about the street around them, which Sam hadn’t actually heard Foggy do in the same kind of way.

It was like Mr. Murdock was telling Matt a story everywhere they went.

He told him when there were flags hanging up a story above, waving in the wind. He told him about the hanging wire baskets of flowers that Sam forgot about. He huffed a bit while he talked about lines of traffic in the street and a vast lack of color in the group due to the absence of so many yellow cabs.

Mr. Murdock of course, had been Matt’s first ever guide. It only made sense that he had a specialized style of it, just for Matt.

And for Matt’s sake, Sam didn’t want him to go, but alas, New Yorkers, man. The city called them back to the coast like a siren.

“You take it easy, y’hear, kiddo?” Mr. Murdock told him at the airport.

Sam smiled and said that he’d try.

“Take care of yourself. I mean that. Out at night too.”

Copy that, big guy.

“Give us a hug.”

Oh??? A hug??? Sam loved hugs. Hugs were great. He was—er. Leaving this one with double the ribs from the cracks apparently.

Mr. Murdock released him to go break Matt in half and then Foggy and then Kirsten. Mike told him that he couldn’t avoid flying again by hugging people. He also warned Kirsten that he’d see her soon and that then, she was sure to fall for his charms.

Kirsten said that she would be waiting with bated breath, and then that was it. Three Murdocks again whittled down to one.

“God, I should have married your dad,” Foggy moaned.

Matt laughed at him.

“He’s plenty busy avoiding the gaze of every person over sixty in his building. Let him live,” he said. “Sam? Not too traumatized, I hope?”

Mm. Not so bad.

“Are you sure Mike’s your brother?” he asked.

“Unfortunately.”

Too bad.

“It’s fine, if we ever need a guy to distract the police, we’ve got him on retainer.”

That was true.

“They’ll come back?” Sam asked.

Matt paused before feeling for his shoulder.

“Yeah,” he said. “Or we’ll go to them. I think you’d enjoy watching them in their natural environment.”

-----------

Hope that’s something for you anon!! I also hope you feel better!

#samuel chung #jack murdock #matt murdock #mike murdock #inimitable verse #fic #ficlet

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docholligay · 3 years ago

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Black Friday Sale

So the Black Friday sale gives us all a chance to try out new things. I offer shit I’m floating, or only want to do once a year, and I offer it at a discount. We all win! Some of this stuff may never come around again if it becomes a nightmare, or some of it may come on full time!

Payment is only through Paypal, either F&F or G&S (you pay fee).

THESE ARE FIRST COME FIRST SERVE AND MUST BE DONE BY SENDING A MESSAGE INTO MY TUMBLR ASKBOX SO I CAN SEE WHO CAME FIRST.

Okay, Okay, I’ll Read Your Stupid Book --$80-- two available. 1 left

This is something I’m trying out at an introductory price. I’m basically charging the price of 2k words and then less than minimum wage for the reading time. This will be priced significantly higher if it comes to the Patreon! I will read whatever book you ask me to, up to 450 pages, and write 2,000 words (at least) on my impressions of the book, or answering any specific questions you want me to answer about the book. Please don’t send me the questions until after I’ve finished the book though. I reserve the right to say no to any book, but the odds on you picking one I’d toss out are pretty low.

(Doc, will you do this for a TV show? I will not! I like to read, so I don’t mind five bucks an hour to read. I don’t care for TV, so if I ever introed this for TV, the per hour rate would be a living wage.)

~Sparkle Sparkle Gee I Sure Love Christmas Nom Nom~ -- $60-- 4 available 3 left

Need to go to a Christmas Party and want to bring something homemade without, uh, doing anything? Or just want to sit at home and stuff your face with sweets? THIS IS FOR YOU. A medium size priority box with: my soft gingerbread cut into shapes, sour cream sugar cookies cut into shapes (undecorated. If you want them decorated, talk to me privately but it takes a lot more time so we’d have to talk cost), fudge, and shortbread as a guarantee. As a possibility: nut brittle, peppermint bark, biscotti, and maybe any other dumb thing I come up with that ships and holds well. Boxes will be available for shipping 12/13--I gotta get through Hanukkah--but after purchase we’ll get together on the date you want your box SHIPPED. These are priority mail, but I know better than to guarantee delivery.

Gluttony, Thy Name Is Christmas -- $350

Do you come home from Christmas going, “Fuck me, that fucking sucked, I need a release?” Or do you come home saying, “Oh man, that was fucking amazing, I want to lengthen the joy!” Or are you like, “Uh, fuck, I need an instant present for someone and what could they possibly like more that an opinionated lesbian popping off on Tumblr?” Are you free and bored December 26th-28th? (Or not) This is a three day chunk of liveblog work, one day after the other. That’s 12 hours of work! All together! Enjoy!

I Am Very Very Likely Never Going To Offer This Again But Man Would I Like To Have a Place to Stay In London, etc --- $650--1 available.

Two hours of flat content, as long as it takes me. Generally I get through 15 minutesish of programming in 4 hours, so you’re basically getting this at 20% off because I need the money up front. Guaranteed one session per month, but I reserve the right to do extra sessions whenever I can, at whatever length I can, since I’m selling this at a CONTENT length, not a per hour rate. Again, I reserve the right to reject anything, but I doubt you’ll hit on it.

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anothersievefistedfind · 4 years ago

Photo

Live photo taken on 4/6/2001 by anonymous

Fugazi, Ogden Theater, Denver, CO USA 4/5/2001 (FLS #0982) & 4/6/2001 (FLS #0983)

Between April 5 and April 21, 2001, Fugazi embarked on their “Four Corners” tour of the United States to kick off the 2001 tour itinerary with 15 shows in as many as 10 states (Colorado, New Mexico, Texas, Arizona, Utah, Wyoming, Nebraska, Missouri, Indiana and Pennsylvania), their longest string of shows in 2001 and about half of their total amount of gigs that year (32 shows).

The Ogden Theater in Denver, Colorado turned out to be the first stop of the tour and hosted two shows on consecutive nights. According to an article titled “Ten of Our Favorite Concerts From the Ogden’s 100-Year History” by the Westword Staff (“The independent voice of Denver since 1977”),

“The Ogden was built in 1917, and it was opened as a theater in 1919 by John Thompson, who also ran what is now called the Bluebird Theater. Originally home to organ recitals, lectures and vaudeville acts, including Harry Houdini, the space became a movie theater in 1937. In the early ’90s, Doug Kauffman of Nobody in Particular Presents turned the Ogden back into a music venue. In 2006, NIPP leased the venue to AEG Live, and the Ogden has continued to be one of Denver’s most vibrant concert halls, with everyone leaving a mark on its stage, from just-breaking-big bands to fan-favorite nostalgia acts and singular one-offs from musical icons.”

Being back in Denver sparks memories for the band, as Guy reminisces, “it’s been a very long time since we’ve been to Denver, does anybody remember, not the last time when we played the Fillmore [formerly the Mammoth Events Center] but a few times back when we played here and we had this idea that we were gonna have a can drive, a food drive, remember that, I think it was like four or five bucks and then a can of food and then we were gonna distribute the food to people, but then it turned into this big riot and all the kids in the street started throwing the cans at windows, do you remember this, it was seriously fucking nuts, just a pleasant memory from the scrapbook for you all.”

I spent some time with the recordings of both Fugazi gigs at the Ogden Theater these last couple of weeks, and enjoy these a whole damn lot. The band hadn’t performed live since concluding their Scandinavian run some 6 months earlier, on October 10, 2000 and while both performances surely include a handful of shaky transitions and the occasional missed chord or hiccup, the band’s musicianship, work ethic and ardor come out on top. As such, both recordings essentially portray a band that found its bearings rapidly, came out swinging and had the welcoming audience eating out of its hand.

The recording of the first night includes a total of 28 songs, taken off of The Argument (6) (at the time not yet released), Furniture EP (1) (at the time not yet released), End Hits (5), Red Medicine (2), In on the Kill Taker (6), Steady Diet of Nothing (2), Repeater (3), Margin Walker EP (1) and 7 Songs EP (2). This includes some rare live renderings for 2001 such as Full Disclosure, Give Me The Cure or Cassavetes.

Some of my highlights here are Sieve-Fisted Find, Cashout (considering Ian very often introduced this one, it is clear he takes the subject to heart, “we came into Denver yesterday and as we drove around we saw one million housing projects like people building condominiums, condominiums, condominiums, town houses, town houses, town houses, and, you know in Washington D.C. it’s the same thing, it’s like everywhere you look there’s houses being built, houses being built, prices are going up so this is a song about where exactly people are supposed to live at this fucking point”), the live debut of The Kill (Guy’s eerie guitar play sounds fantastic while Joe is still coming into his own on this one, “we’re trying something new, I haven’t got it down totally, give me a break”), Last Chance For a Slow Dance, Arpeggiator (with Jerry Busher on second drums), Blueprint, another dubby version of Promises (reverb on the snare, distortion on the vocals and a thunderous thump on the kick drum) or Sweet and Low (the reverb on the guitars is just mesmerizing).

The recording of the second night showcases another 27 songs, taken off of The Argument (4) (unreleased at the time), Furniture EP (1) (unreleased at the time), End Hits (6), Red Medicine (4), In on the Kill Taker (4), Steady Diet of Nothing (1), Repeater (2), 3 Songs 7” (1), Margin Walker EP (1) and 7 Songs EP (3). This includes a bunch of rare live performances for that year, such as Turnover, Stacks, Suggestion (the band has to start over after Ian singles out and addresses a couple of guys for fighting), Break-In, Bad Mouth, Instrument, Walken’s Syndrome or Forensic Scene.

Overall, this one has the better flow and more exceptional set list in my opinion. Still, some personal highlights include the fast-paced, flawless opening string of songs up until the first interlude, Turnover, Burning (with additional percussion by Jerry Busher), Argument into Blueprint into Instrument closing out the main set, Strangelight, a dub-injected version of Target (which has the audience participating in some double time hand-clapping) or Forensic Scene.

There is some fun banter by Guy as well, leading into Oh, “while we were driving out, we drove straight to Denver from D.C., it’s the first place we’re playing, on the way out, these guys were listening to the radio in the van, and there’s this show on NPR called ‘Money Talk’, are you familiar with this show, they started using a fragment of one of the songs we played a while back [plays the ‘Morse’ intro notes to Facet Squared], that’s like the theme song to ‘Money Talk’ now, and ever since they’ve been using this without our permission, the economy has been in a tailspin, the show about the markets uses a Fugazi song, the economy crumbles, let’s hope they play a few more of our songs on the radio.”

Footage of the second night at the Ogden Theater, shot up-close from the audience, is available through YouTube.

The sound quality of both recordings is easily really good and highly enjoyable, the vocals and instruments clear and well balanced in the mix, the guitars laid out nicely in stereo, even though the volume levels are slightly wavering occasionally, particularly during the louder parts. There are some marginal cuts between tracks on both nights, but nothing disruptive.

The set lists:

April 5, 2001:

1. Intro 2. Ex-Spectator 3. Sieve-Fisted Find 4. Reclamation 5. Interlude 1 6. Full Disclosure 7. Long Division 8. Rend It 9. Interlude 2 10. Cashout 11. Smallpox Champion 12. Merchandise 13. Interlude 3 14. The Kill 15. Last Chance For a Slow Dance 16. Closed Captioned 17. Arpeggiator 18. Nightshop 19. Bed For The Scraping 20. Give Me The Cure 21. Waiting Room 22. Public Witness Program 23. Argument 24. Blueprint 25. Encore 1 26. Break 27. Number 5 28. Oh 29. Promises 30. Encore 2 31. Target 32. Five Corporations 33. Cassavetes 34. Sweet and Low 35. Outro

April 6, 2001:

1. Intro 2. Break 3. Place Position 4. Facet Squared 5. Do You Like Me 6. And The Same 7. Interlude 1 8. Oh 9. Cashout 10. Interlude 2 11. Turnover 12. Interlude 3 13. Stacks 14. Recap Modotti 15. Burning 16. Suggestion 17. Break-In 18. Bad Mouth 19. FD 20. Argument 21. Blueprint 22. Instrument 23. Encore 1 24. Strangelight 25. Interlude 4 26. Epic Problem 27. Arpeggiator 28. Walken’s Syndrome 29. Great Cop 30. Encore 2 31. Target 32. Furniture 33. By You 34. Forensic Scene 35. Outro

#FLS2001 #fugazi #fugazi live series #dischord #ogden theater #denver #colorado #highlight #westword

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seijch · 5 years ago

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tsukishima kei | dooms•day

tsukishima kei + gender neutral!reader

genre. romance, angst, bits of fluff

word count. 1.9k

recommended listening. matt maltese - as the world caves in

synopsis. how would you spend the next twenty-four hours, knowing that they would be your last?

12:00 AM | 23:59:59

The clock strikes midnight.

You exchange a glance with Tsukishima.

This is the beginning of the end, it says. Are you ready? it asks.

The meteor is en route to Earth. The planet has less than twenty-four hours left to live.

You haven’t been able to sleep much these days, and Tsukishima can’t blame you. Instead, you stay up together, a movie you’ve seen countless times playing in the background. “Can we watch something else? I don’t know how keen I am on making this one of the last movies I ever see,” he drawls.

Your relationship has always required mastery of reading between the lines, peering through the hairline cracks in words and actions for their true meaning. You called him out on it, once.

(“You’re like a nut,” you’d blurted, legs draped over his lap as you scrolled through your timeline.

There had been a beat of silence before he deadpanned, “What.” When you glanced up from your phone, he had been giving you a look.

Looks, in your relationship, are quite commonplace. Tsukki’s full of them: hard looks that express his exasperation, split seconds of pure adoration he thinks you don’t notice, and even capital-L Looks that lead to sweaty bodies against smooth bedsheets.

That night, his look had been one of muted curiosity. “You know,” you pressed on, sitting up to close the distance between you, “like how squirrels break open nuts to get to the good stuff.” To prove your point, you had knocked on his skull and stifled a laugh at his grimace.

“You’re calling me a nut?” His mouth was set into a hard line. “You could’ve just as easily called me an oyster, say I’m a pearl or some sappy shit like that.”

“First of all, no,” you frowned, having switched to carding your fingers through his hair. “When have we ever been into sappy shit? Besides, I think it’s funnier to call you a nut. So I will.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever hated anyone more in my life,” he said, leaning into your touch regardless.

“Uh huh. You keep telling yourself that.” You had taken the victory that night, planted a chaste kiss to his lips as your prize.)

You know he doesn’t mind the movie; in fact, you think he enjoys it. You don’t know how to tell him that a numb feeling’s set in, ghosting over your fingertips. You don’t know how to tell him that the two things keeping you steady are his arms around you and the movie (which, really, isn’t even that good) playing.

So you don’t. The way he holds you tighter than ever tells you everything you need to know.

3:16 AM | 20:44:15

“I take it we’re not sleeping tonight?” Tsukishima asks, long fingers wrapped around a mug of hot chocolate.

You blow on your own mug before responding. “What’s the point? We’ll be asleep soon enough.” Forever, you don’t add.

“Fair enough.”

The first sip is sweet in all the right ways. You cherish the little joy, the small victory, while you can.

5:49 AM | 18:11:57

The sun rises on the last day you’ll ever see. You and Tsukishima watch it crawl up the high-rise buildings around you, darkness giving way to dawn. You’ve never understood the appeal of chasing after sunrise and sunset, but you start to wish you hadn’t taken something so constant for granted.

Tsukishima’s fingers graze yours as they hang from the railing of your apartment’s balcony. His fingers toy with yours, intertwined without your palms touching. He does this often, and you’re sure you can map out the callouses of his fingers, each line of his palm by touch alone.

It’s as the sky bleeds from orange to pale blue that it hits.

Your eyes sting with incoming tears at the finality. You won’t finish college. You won’t get to live your dreams, move into a proper house. You won’t get to see Tsukki, your Tsukki at the end of the altar, waiting for you to join him.

“I love you,” you choke out, voice strained. It’s the only thing you can think to say at a time like this. “I mean it. I always mean it, but—” You try to stress your words, make it absolutely clear that you’ve never meant anything like you mean this. “I mean it. I love you, Kei.” You retract your hand from his, needing both to wipe away your tears.

When you turn to look at him, he’s crying too.

1:57 PM | 10:03:17

You’ve just gotten off the phone with your family, the first and last people you called when the news of the world’s end got out. When was the last time you saw them? Saw your friends? The time you have left isn’t enough to see them one last time.

Your fist trembles as you press it against your lips, eyes sore but stinging with tears kept at bay.

Despite this, the sun shines cheerily outside. It’s a beautiful day, everything washed in afternoon light. You figure this is better than spending your last day with the sky painted dreary gray.

Tsukishima comes up behind you, arms rubbing circles into your upper arms. “I just got off the phone with Akiteru.”

“How is he?”

“With our mom.” You know he wishes he could be there too, wants for it like nothing else. You can only dream to grant his eleventh-hour request.

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too.” And then, “Let’s get out of here.” You turn to face him, surprise clear as day. (You suppose that if anything can drive a homebody outside, it’s the end of the world.) “I figure you don’t wanna die in our shitty apartment.” His hold on your arms drops, instead taking his hands in yours. “Let’s go somewhere.”

“Where?”

“Anywhere.”

You scan the apartment one last time. (There really seems to be a lot of lasts today, but you figure it can’t be helped.) This was your home for months, despite the leaky faucet and chipped wallpaper.

Every corner oozes with memories, more than enough to make your heart feel as though it’s fit to burst. Tsukishima’s thumb caresses the back of your hand. That’s right. Your other home, the one you can’t afford to lose now, is right in front of you.

You get dressed.

7:25 PM | 4:35:18

The sun sets on the last day you’ll ever see. You think that you like sunsets a bit more than sunrises; less waking up early (or staying up late), a view that gives you more than enough bang for your buck. You watch the way orange seeps through the sky in reverse, dusk giving way to the dark of night, head resting on Tsukishima’s shoulder.

It’s quiet. You’ve parked somewhere secluded, hidden from prying eyes. With less than four hours before certain death, you get nostalgic for how far you’ve come since your time at Karasuno.

“Thank you,” you say, breaking the silence. “I’m glad you were such a smarmy bastard in high school.” He chuckles, the sound a pleasant rumble that singlehandedly warms you from the inside out.

“I’m glad you liked to think you could top my scores,” he replies.

(It had taken you two years to finally, finally beat his exam scores. Having no reason to talk to Tsukishima after that, you disappeared from each other’s lives. It had taken you a month to piece together the reason you felt so strangely empty without his signature smirk to rile you up.

“You like me,” you’d said, sitting backwards in the desk in front of him as he ate lunch. You didn’t phrase it as a question; why would you, when you knew the answer?

“You got what you wanted already, didn’t you? Why are you still here?” You were a thorn in Tsukishima’s side, as he’d repeated time and time again (both in private and to your face). Even still, he had to admit that the past month without you had been...boring. (He also had to endure Yamaguchi’s endless questions about you, drilling your absence into his head even further.)

“Do you want me to be nice, or do you want me to be honest?”

“Just spit it out. I don’t have all day.”

“Unfortunately,” you’d prefaced this with a long-suffering sigh, “I feel the same way. You might be an emotionally constipated asshole, but what I’m saying is…” Your fingers drummed on his desk, invading his space. “Let’s go on a date.”

Shaking himself from his stunned silence, he’d replied, “Sure.” In the moment, it had sounded nonchalant, but you had a feeling his hands were getting clammy.

Truth be told, you had it on good authority (Yamaguchi, who’d gotten sick and tired of bearing witness to almost three years of you two dancing around your feelings) that he felt the same you did. It was Yamaguchi’s words that gave you the confidence to confront Tsukishima at all.

“I’ll see you on Saturday, then. This better not be boring, Tsukishima,” you teased, snatching his chopsticks to steal a bit of his meal. “After all, you’re with me now. If you’re going to take me out, it better be in style.”

You had the audacity to throw a wink at him before walking back to your classroom. You get an eye roll in response, but take great pleasure in the way he had gone red to the tips of his ears, knowing that you’ve won.)

9:31 PM | 2:29:20

“I love you.”

“I know.” Silence. “I love you too.”

“I know.”

11:59 PM | 0:00:59

It’s bright, like a fallen star, all white-hot and angry. You think it’s beautiful in its own way, gawk at it with your mouth hanging open. “Here it is,” he whispers, squeezing your hand so tight it almost hurts. “The end.”

You cup his cheek, turn his head to look at you. You try to steel yourself. Inhale. Exhale. (Your breath comes out shaky, but neither of you acknowledge it.) “I guess this is goodbye.” You were supposed to sound strong, but your voice comes out small, weak, broken.

And for once, he is the first to cry.

“Not yet.” His voice cracks. “It’s not goodbye yet.” He wipes your tears (when did you start crying?) away, touch so fragile you think he’s sure you’d shatter. Maybe you will.

“It doesn’t have to be goodbye,” you offer. It’s hollow; neither of you have been under the delusion that this was anything but. “It can be a see you later.”

Tsukishima just shakes his head, wearing a broken smile of his own. And then he’s kissing you with such fervor that you swear you’ve never been kissed before, not like this. The way he sucks your bottom lip between his, pulls you flush against him, makes you dizzy. This is my goodbye, he says with more than words.

11:59 PM | 0:00:01

Your relationship has always required mastery of reading between the lines, peering through the hairline cracks in words and actions for their true meaning.

But now, both of you are straightforward as can be, stripped down to your bare selves. The meteor sets fire to the inhibitions and walls both of you created, and the flames lick at your skin as your tears—or his—dampen your cheeks.

If you’re going to take me out, do it in style, you’d said to him, once.

So he does.

#tsukishima x reader #tsukishima imagine #tsukishima scenario #tsukishima reader insert #tsukishima angst #tsukishima fluff #(can i call it that LMAO)#kei tsukishima #tsukishima kei #haikyuu scenario #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu reader insert #haikyuu fic #HOOO boy the concept of this fic took my brain hostage and wouldnt stop until id finished writing #the first draft of this was absolutely nasty but the finished product isnt actually so bad? i think i kinda like it #i decided to split the 11:59 segment into two right before posting as i read it for the last time before it got sent out to the world #and tsukki might seem a little ooc bc im still finding my footing characterization wise #but weve seen him be passionate about things and raise his voice tho its rare #and i think that the situation calls for a bit more passion from him so i gave it to him at the end #i was going to expand the kiss but i think that wouldve been too much of a tone shift #anyway if youve read this far into my tags i hope you have a good day :-)#i also have no idea if meteor is the right term for it -- i think (and hope) it is but Who Is To Say

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elcinelateleymickyandonie · 4 years ago

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SHEMP HOWARD.

Filmography

Feature films, shorts and TV

1929: Fox Movietone Newsreel (himself)

1930: Soup to Nuts (firefighter)

1933: Salt Water Daffy (Wilbur, a kleptomaniac)

1933: Close Relations (cousin Mole)

1933: Paul Revere Jr. (stable boy)

1933; Gobs of Fun (nightclub client)

1933: In the Dough (Bug)

1933: Here Comes Flossie (Ezry)

1934: How'd Ya Like That? (sailor)

1934: Henry the Ache (Artie, one of King Henry's lackeys)

1934: The Wrong Wrong Trail (patient)

1934: Mushrooms (Thorndyke)

1934: The Knife of the Party (Shemp, leader of the Stooges)

1934: Everybody Likes Music (Shemp)

1934: Pugs and Kisses (Dopey Traynor)

1934: Very Close Veins (frozen drunk)

1934: Pure Feud (Clem McCarthy)

1934: Corn on the Cop (Reginald, tramp)

1934: I Scream (Moran's henchman)

1934: Rambling 'Round Radio Row # 7 (Series 2 # 1) (songwriter representative)

1934: Art Trouble (Shemp, art student)

1934: My Mummy's Arms (Kenneth)

1934: Daredevil O'Dare (circus promoter)

1934: Smoked Hams (Henry Howard)

1934: So You Won't T-T-T-Talk (Henry)

1934: Dizzy and Daffy (Lefty Howard)

1934: A Peach of a Pair (Shemp Butler)

1935: His First Flame (Smokey Moe)

1935: Convention Girl (Dan Higgins)

1935: Why Pay Rent? (Henry)

1935: Serves You Right (Johnny Spivens)

1935: On the Wagon (Henry)

1935: The Officer's Mess (Gus Doaks)

1936: While the Cat's Away (Henry)

1936: For the Love of Pete (Knobby Walsh)

1936: Absorbing Junior (Henry, husband)

1936: Here's Howe (Knobby Walsh)

1936: Punch and Beauty (Knobby Walsh)

1936: The Choke's on You (Knobby Walsh)

1936: The Blonde Bomber (Knobby Walsh)

1937: Kick Me Again (Knobby Walsh)

1937: Taking the Count (Knobby Walsh)

1937: Hollywood Round-Up (Oscar Bush)

1937: Headin 'East (Windy Wylie)

1938: Not Guilty Enough (Andy Clyde's brother-in-law)

1938: Home on the Rage (Andy Clyde's brother-in-law)

1939: Behind Prison Gates (inmate in charge of serving the mess hall)

1939: Another Thin Man (Wacky)

1939: The Glove Slingers (Uncle Pat Patrick, boxing manager)

1940: Money Squawks (Shemp)

1940: The Lone Wolf Meets a Lady (Joe, a pickpocket)

1940: Boobs in the Woods (Gus)

1940: Millionaires in Prison (Teacher)

1940: Pleased to Mitt You (Pat Patrick)

1940: The Leather Pushers (Sailor McNeill)

1940: The Bank Dick (Joe Guelpe, bartender)

1940: Murder Over New York (Shorty McCoy, the Carnarsie Kid)

1940: Give Us Wings (Buzz)

1940: The Invisible Woman (Hammerhead Frankie)

1941: Lucky Devils (pickpocket)

1941: Six Lessons from Madame La Zonga (Gabby)

1941: Buck Privates (cook)

1941: Meet the Chump (Stinky Fink)

1941: Road Show (Moe Parker)

1941: Mr. Dynamite (Abdullah)

1941: The Flame of New Orleans (waiter at the Oyster Bed Cafe)

1941: News of the Day Vol. 12 # 272 (client)

1941: Too Many Blondes (Ambrose Tripp, hotelier)

1941: In the Navy (Dizzy)

1941: Tight Shoes (Okay)

1941: San Antonio Rose (Benny the Bounce)

1941: Hit the Road (Dingbat)

1941: Cracked Nuts (Eddie / Ivan)

1941: Hold That Ghost (drinks and ice cream dispenser)

1941: Appointment for Love (man on the street)

1941: Hoosier Boy Makes Good (prop)

1941: Hellzapoppin '(Louie)

1942 Butch Minds the Baby (Squinty Sweeny)

1942 - Mississippi Gambler (Milton Davis, taxi driver)

1942: The Strange Case of Dr. Rx (Detective Sergeant Sweeney)

1942: Private Buckaroo (Sergeant Muggsy Snavel)

1942: Strictly in the Groove (Pops)

1942 - Pittsburgh (Shorty, the tailor)

1942: Arabian Nights (Sinbad)

1943: How's About It? (Alf)

1943: It Ain't Hay (Umbrella Sam)

1943: Keep 'Em Slugging (Binky)

1943: Crazy House (Mumbo)

1944: 3 of a Kind (Shemp Howard)

1944: Pick a Peck of Plumbers (Elmer)

1944: Moonlight and Cactus (Punchy Carter)

1944: Strange Affair (laundry driver)

1944: Open Season for Saps (Woodcock Q. Strinker)

1944: Crazy Knights (Shemp Howard)

1945: Off Again, on Again (suicidal boyfriend)

1945: Trouble Chasers (Shemp Howard)

1945: Where the Pest Begins (Shemp Howard)

1945: A Hit with a Miss (Rameses, boxer)

1946: The Gentleman Misbehaves (Marty)

1946: Mr. Noisy (Noisy, the annoying spectator)

1946: Jiggers, My Wife (Woodcock 'Woody' J. Strinker)

1946: One Exciting Week (Marvin Lewis)

1946: Dangerous Business (Monk)

1946: Society Mugs (Shemp)

1946: Blondie Knows Best (Jim Gray)

1947: Bride and Gloom (Shemp)

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grellsutcliffsworld · 3 years ago

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Dad jokes ! :DDD

1. Why is the graveyard always so overcrowded ?

Everyone's just dying to get in.

2. What does a prophet say, when they meet another prophet ?

You're fine. How am I ?

3. I got rid of my vacuum cleaner, since it was just gathering dust.

4. I was wondering, why the baseball kept getting bigger. The it hit me.

5. I've been buying shoes from a drug dealer recently.

I don't know, what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.

6. What do you get from a pampered cow ?

Spoiled milk.

7. Two guys drive home from work in the bus. ,,Would you please take your umbrella out of my eye ?" asked one of them and the other did so.

,,S'hank 'ouh."

8. What's a thief's favorite shoes ?

Sneakers.

9. Two hats hang on a hat rack.

,,You just hang there, I'll go on ahead."

10. What does James Bond do, before going to bed ?

He goes undercover.

11. A buck spattered in my windshield yesterday.

Well, it'll never have the guts to do that again.

12: Donating organs takes guts.

13. Tow drums and a cymbal fell off a cliff.

Badum tsss.

14. I broke my pencil this morning, but I tried to use it anyways.

It was pointless.

15. When's a good time to go to the dentist ?

Thooth hurty.

16. What did the number zero say to the number eight ?

Hey, nice belt.

17. Can february march ?

No, but april may.

18. Why does the coffee taste like mud ?

Oh yeah, it's fresh ground.

19. Why is it hard to starve in the desert ?

Because of the sand which is there.

20. Don't ever leave alphabet soup on the stove.

It could spell disaster.

21. What's invisible and smells like carrots ?

Bunny farts.

22. What does a vlock do, when it's hungry ?

It goes back four seconds.

23. There are three kinds of people in this world.

Those that can count and those who can't.

24. Did you hear about the guy, who invented the knock knock-joke ?

He won the no bell-price.

25. What do you call some body with no body and no nose ?

Nobody knows.

26. Why can't you hear a psychiatrist use the bathroom ?

Because the P is silent.

27. I have a lot of jokes about retired people, but none of them work.

28. Wanna hear a joke about construction ?

Oh wait, I'm still working on that one.

29. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon ?

It has great food, but no atmosphere.

30. How many apples grow on trees ?

All of them !

31. Why did the coffee cup file a police report ?

Because it got mugged.

32. I love to tell dad jokes.

Sometimes he laughs.

33. What do you call cheese that isn't yours ?

Nacho cheese.

34. What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter ?

An irelephant?

35. Why couldn't the bile stand up by itself ?

It wad two-tired.

36. I was thinking about going on an all omen diet, but that's just nuts.

37. Sex is like math.

You add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and pray that you don't multiply.

38. What's the bist thing about Switzerland ?

I don't know, bit the flag is a big plus.

39. What's written on a mathematician's grave stone ?

I didn't count on that.

40. Did you her about the mathematician that was afraid of negative numbers ?

He stopped at nothing to avoid them.

41. Why do we tell actors to break a leg ?

Because every play has a cast.

42. Did you hear about the restaurant called Karma ?

There's no menu, you get what you deserve.

43. What says a computer expert to someone, who stole his Microsoft ?

You have my word.

44. Did you hear about the actor that fell through the floorboards ?

He was just going through a stage.

45. What does a rip say to another rip ?

We're en-caged.

46. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut ?

He just needed a little space.

47. Why do scientists do not trust atoms ?

Because they make up anything.

48. Why did the chicken go to the séance.

To get to the other side.

49. What did the chicken sing, when it was on a boat ?

We're going to the other siiide !

We're going to. the. other. side.

50. How do you drown a hipster ?

Throw him into the mainstream.

51. What sits on the bottom of the sea and twitches ?

A nervous wreck.

52. How does Moses make tea ?

He brews.

53. Why did Shakespeare only use ink ?

Because pencils confused him. 2B or not 2B.

45. What's the difference between a cat and a comma ?

A cat has claws at the end of paws and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

55. What did the Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor ?

Make me one with everything.

56. What did the left eye say to the right eye ?

Between the two of us, something smells.

57. How do you make a tissue dance ?

Put a little boogie into it.

58. What do you call a pony with a little cough ?

A little horse.

59. What do you call a woman with one leg ?

Eileen.

60. What do you call an apology written in dots and dadhes ?

Re-morse code.

61. Why did the hipster burn his mouth ?

He drank the coffee before it was cool.

62. Did you hear about the two people, who stole a calendar ?

Each got six months.

63. Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players ?

They dribble all the time.

64. Why did the M&M go to school ?

It wanted to be a Smartie.

65. I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.

I can't wait to see her face light up, when she opens it.

66. Why aren't koala's actual bears.

They don't meet the koalafications.

67. How do you throw a space party ?

You planet.

68. What do you call a train carrying gum.

A chew-chew train.

69. Why did the math textbook go to the counselor ?

It needed to figure out it's problems.

70. Two artists had an art contest.

It ended in a draw.

71. I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage.

It lost my case.

72. I have a fear of speed bumps.

But I'm slowly getting over it.

73. What said one traffic light to the other ?

Stop looking ! I'm changing !

74. Why was six afraid of seven ?

Seven ate nine.

75. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back ?

A stick.

76. What starts with an E anf ends with an E and has only 1 letter in it ?

An envelope.

77. Why doesn't the sun go to college ?

Because it has a million degrees.

78. Why are skeletons so calm ?

Because nothing gets under their skin.

79. Why is England the wettest country ?

Because many kings and queens have been reigning there.

80. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school ?

It's okay, he woke up.

81. What are a shark's two most favorite words ?

Man overboard !

82. Where does a sheep get it's hair cut ?

At the baa baa-shop.

83. Why are ghosts such bad liars ?

Because they're easy to see through.

84. What does Sherlock say, when Watson compliments his coat ?

Thanks, it's from the new fall season.

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hopelessly-me · 4 years ago

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I was tagged by @banashee share the first sentences of the last 20 stories I wrote and check whether there are any patterns. Thanks for the tag! =) Lets see how this goes.

1) Tit for tat (Ironhawk, teen) This has to be the dumbest thing I have ever done to get back at someone Clint thought, tying his tie carefully.

2) Snug as a bug in a rug (Winterhawk, teen) It was the end of the night and Bucky and Clint were cleaning up the living room in a comfortable quiet.

3) This is why we can’t have nice things (Winterhawk, Teen) Natasha stared at the two men across the table from her, mostly amused but unable to show it.

4) Somewhere between falling and soaring (Winterhawk, Teen) Bucky Barnes sat at his normal lunchtime table, eating his normal meal- a salad and whatever dessert they were selling that day.

5) Grab your backpack and take my hand (Amerihawk, Teen) “So let me get this straight,” Kate said, laying on Clint’s bed, her head over the edge so she could watch him.

6) The best view comes after the hardest climb (Winterhawk, Teen) What should have been a solemn day was turning out to be too loud with too much laughter, too much smiling, and it was making Bucky’s skin crawl.

7) The world doesn’t stop turning just because we need it to (Clintasha, Teen, part two of a series) Ear worm songs were the worst.

8) Step up, Win a Prize (Winterhawk, teen) It’s just for a day.

9) Once I find the other side of someday (Winterhawk, teen) “The video footage scene below was taken in Washington DC.-”

10) Nuts and Bolts (Ironhawk, Teen) Clint Barton stared at the television without really watching it, his mind gone elsewhere.

11) The New Year’s Jaw (Ironhawk, Teen) To say New Years Eve this year was different was an understatement.

12) Waddle you gonna do about it? (Winterhawk, Teen) This was possibly the worst part about missions- where you had to split up and rendezvous at a safehouse, and now you were stuck there, waiting.

13) A Bucky bear for Christmas (Winterhawk, teen) It was the last day of kindergarten before Christmas break and Clint couldn’t help but feel miserable.

14) (Not) Your typical Tuesday night (Winterhawk, Explicit) “He fuckin’ did it again, Buck.-”

15) So much to say (I just can’t speak) (Winterhawk, Teen) Bucky Barnes had never been the jealous type.

16) Maybe it’s not about being alone (Winterhawk, teen) “Morning Cap,” Clint greeted, smacking Steve on the back when he passed.

17) Star in my sky (Winterhawk, teen) Clint tried to ignore the dreadful feeling in his chest and tried to relax.

18) Red Vines and Peppermint Sticks (Winterhawk, teen) “I- am going- to kill- your husband-” Bucky complained while he ran, panting out the words more than anything.

19) Smellin’ Like a Mini-bar (Winterhawk, Mature) This whole day is turning out to be a fuckin’ mistake Bucky thought, freezing his ass off in Malmö, Sweden where he didn’t speak a lick of the language.

20) It’s not the place, it’s the person (Hawkpool, teen) I’ll see you when you get home- don’t forget the chicken.

Whooo. That’s a lot. Uhm- I’m not sure there is much consistency? Sometimes it starts with a name, sometimes it starts off with conversations. I’m all over the place to be honest.

Let’s see. I’m gonna tag.... @pherryt @hawkeyeandthewintersoldier @vexbatch @kalika999 @merelypassingtime and @crazycatt71

#all of my babies #all of my fics #okay well twenty of them

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jean----ralphio · 4 years ago

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BoB liveblog ep 7

Episode 7: The Breaking Point. YEAH, OF MY FUCKING HEART

I HATE THIS EPISODE. I HATE IT WITH THE FIERY INTENSITY OF A THOUSAND BURNING SUNS.

00:00 I really don’t wanna do this you guys.

00:38 Can’t we just pretend this episode doesn’t exist?

01:22 OMFG I CAN’T ALL THE SWEET IRL MEN ARE CRYING NOOOO IT HURRRTS

04:05 RICH! Ok I feel a little better. Ahaha, he’s growing a beard. It’s got nothing on the quarantine beard he’s rocking nowadays tho

04:22 That whole scene is hilarious but I’m too distracted by Rich to appreciate it properly

05:18 Horsie

05:30 Hey Fassy

05:57 He’s so obsessed with the Luger, oh Hoob ☹

06:07 Ahhh that second where he looks into the camera and fires ☹ He’s so happy

06:31 IT’S SHIFTY MY ANGEL SON, MY ANGEL CHILD, LOOK AT HIIIIIMMMM!!!! MY BABY! I’M SO HAPPY! THIS IS THE ONLY GOOD PART OF THE EPISODE! HE’S SO HUMBLE AND PERF ILY SHIFTY

06:51 He is such a fucking angel, I swear. “What happened to the horse?” PETA would be pleased you care, baby.

07:01 Look at my son, look at his little angel face

07:27 Buck seems a little better??

07:47 Gold.

“Shut up boys.”

“Shutting up, Sarge.”

But notice my angel is perfectly well-behaved

08:00 “That was no rifle.” Shifty just Knows Things.

“What do you see, Shift?”

“Nobody out there.” HE’S JUST A BOSS SNIPER ANGEL ELF BABY OK

08:15 Oh Hoob

08:43 Oh God

09:03 ROE OMG NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR JOKES “Did you think it was a German leg, Hoob?” I MEAN LMAO BUT NO

09:33 Nooooooooooo

09:44 Oh God, the way Buck and Perco are cradling his face ☹

10:04 Husbands, do something, reincarnate him or something

10:32 Oh Dick is shivering aw

10:38 Lip, baby, no, do not cover for than incompetent POS

10:48 The husbands are unimpressed

11:39 Nice gloves tho Dike

11:57 “At present, as per usual, but I’ll clarify that with you at a later time.” No. No. He’s asking now. He needs to know now. Wtf.

12:39 IS THAT RICH??

13:12 RICH! BEARDED RICH!

13:23 I LOVE HIM SO MUCH YOU GUYS

13:26 Just gonna pause here a little while, excuse me

13:47 Lip is such a boss. We love you Lip

14:13 Bill’s laugh <3 RICH’S SMILE <333

14:48 Dick omg your flirting, so cute. They are in love.

15:20 Fassy is judging you… that means Alicia Vikander is coming for you…

15:50 Omg Nix knows his husband so well

16:24 Aw, Bill and Babe <3 BROTP

17:33 Bill, sweetie, no, I’m sorry but Buck is not fine!

17:58 Oh God the foreboding. Rich ☹ <3

18:01 WTF is Luz smoking LMAO

18:33 RIIIIICH

19:08 “Well, they had a point. You’re an idiot.” Oh Penk. I’ll miss you Penk.

19:31 UGH GTFO. To be fair the actor does a great job with this role.

20:01 Dike is so random. But it’s nice he’s taking an interest??

21:20 NIX LMAO

21:33 Ugh, Dick. Stop. I know it’s to establish a sense of normalcy and ritual but Come. On. Buddy. Lol I love how Nix is just like LMAO NO I’M NOT GOING. I wish I could just say no when asked to do things by my bosses. We know it’s cos Nix can’t bear to be apart from his husband for so long <3

22:33 Guys, don’t be mean. Fassy, no, come on.

22:53 Wtf are Penk and Rich doing…

23:05 LMAO @ Dick and Sink.

“Got to keep the morale up for the folks back home.”

“Why?”

“Damned if I know.”

Iconic. Valid.

23:34 Lol my Joe/Charlie thought he was gonna get in trouble, but Dad just wanted to nag <3

24:24 Oh Bill <3 “Tied me own boots once last week, all by meself.” <3333 Bill please never change.

24:30 Rich <3333

24:36 Riiiiichhhhhh <3

24:48 Johhny ‘unimpressed’ Martin is already looking unimpressed, new kid, watch out, you’re not off to a great start.

24:56 Rich’s helmet still has bullet holes from the last episode, love the continuity <3

25:07 “You’ll find out, son.” Oh, Alley <3

25:17 Rich is hilarious in this scene, he’s having so much fun <3

25:22 Hey Lieb, I’ve missed you

25:46 Riichhh <3

25:53 OMFG that exchange!

“How are those nuts, sarge?”

“Doin fine, Bill, nice of you to ask.”

Wtf Lip!!

26:05 Bye, Fassy!

26:26 Even when he’s blurred by snow, Speirs is intimidatingly good-looking.

27:01 He’s so polite but so scary

27:23 You’re hot, Speirs, so I automatically trust you. Not sure what that says about me but it’s probably not good tbh

27:57 Joe/Charlie has been back five seconds and he’s already out for blood.

28:58 Hey Lee

30:00 Oh God

31:33 Oh no, Joe/Charlie, my baby ☹

33:39 Bill’s here, baby, it’s OK

34:10 I can’t deal with the hilarity of Babe blocked in by the tree while Joe/Charlie is in such a bad way and being done so dirty

34:56 Oh GOD

35:28 Bill </3

36:11 My thoughts exactly, Luz

36:42 Buck ☹

37:41 “Hey Joe, I told you I’d beat you back to the states.” Bill don’t me laugh while I’m crying. Aw, we’ll miss you <3

37:59 Not really the time but fuck it, I am totally digging Luz’s hair now

38:26 I’m so shook. I’ve watched this series a billion times but it still hurts me. Scene after scene, Joe/Charlie in pain, Buck screaming for a medic, God Neal and Kirk are so good.

39:18 Oh God, Buck

40:00 Rich I love you

40:44 Rich <3 ☹

41:22 Noooooooo </3

41:44 No. No. NO.

41:59 NO. NOPE. CANON NOT ACCEPTED. They’re fine. They’re fine, they’re just off-screen for the rest of the series, chillin with Hoob and Renee on like a nice beach somewhere. Drinking maitais and maragaritas and building sandcastles and shit.

44:00 Hit Malarkey the hardest? NO FUCKING WAY, LIP, HIT ME THE HARDEST, MORE LIKE! But in all seriousness, can you imagine losing your friends, not having a body to bury or time to grieve ugh ☹ </3 OK I concede that Malarkey and I can share the grief 50/50. No wait. 60/40. In favour of me.

45:15 Malark, it’s what Hoob would have wanted. I’d ask him but he’s busy sunbathing and keeping the drinks topped up

46:57 We love you Buck

47:14 Bull <3

47:43 Lieb <333

48:10 Hang on, sweetie, Dad isn’t back yet

48:50 It’s OK, Lip, sweetie, you can do it.

49:38 Lip, listen to me, your Dad’s going to fix everything in about ten, fifteen minutes. And he’ll get you a hot boyfriend in the process. It’s all going to be OK.

50:05 Dick, honey, Dike doesn’t understand a thing you’re saying

50:25 Dike’s like lol who the fuck was that guy?

51:17 Lieb is so blood-thirsty <3

51:23 DON’T STOP RUNNING, IDIOT. NEVER STOP RUNNING! THE REST OF US LEARNT THAT IN THE FIRST EPISODE! GOD!

51:40 WTF ARE YOU DOING, YOU FUCKING WASTE OF OXYGEN

52:09 Poor Lee

52:22 NO, FUCK, OMG

53:14 Don’t send my Lee alone!

53:33 Bull. A cigar. Right now? I like Johnny’s beard, suits him.

54:13 “THEY SHOT ME IN MY ASS, BOYS!” Aw Perco. Iconic.

54:36 Legit one of my fave scenes in the history of television. Dick is just so beside himself and desperate and helpless watching his sons stuck and in so much trouble. He’s in full Dad mode, about to run in there to save his boys. Then, and this is so subtle but it’s my fave bit, HE CUTS OFF SINK. HE IGNORES/SPEAKS OVER SINK. DICK! SPEAKS! OVER! SINK! IN WHAT UNIVERSE WOULD HE EVER DO THAT?! ON WHAT PLANET WOULD HE EVER BE SO DISRESPCTFUL?! THIS ONE, COS HIS SONS NEED HIM NOW AND BEING POLITE AND ADHERRING TO PRINCIPLE AND RANK DOESN’T FUCKING MATTER WHEN EASY IS IN TROUBLE! AND THEN HE CALLS UP OUR BOY SPEIRS. AND SPEIRS IS SO FUCKING GUNG-HO, BOUNCING ABOUT READY TO SLAUGHTER EVERYONE, SO FUCKIN EXCITED!!

And then there’s Nix, lmao, chillin with his binoculars, super relaxed as long as his husband stays safe, tbh.

55:06 Oh that was the new boy, aw

55:12 BOSS BAMF ICONIC WE STAN

55:20 Here you go, Lip, one BF courtesy of your Dad lol

55:48 Oh GOD I MISS RICH

56:24 LMFAO was that the haystack Dike was behind??

57:00 I.C.O.N.I.C.

57:23 “The astounding thing was, that after he hooked up with I company, he came back.” Annnnnd Lip’s in love.

57:49 Aw happy boys

58:09 Noooooo they’ve been through enough! I’VE BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH THIS EPISODE OK, FUCK!

58:23 Go on, my angel son, you can do it.

58:36 Go, son. I love you.

58:43 Yes. Good boy.

59:26 Aw Bull piggybacking Perco <3

1:00:23 Oh yay! The church scene!

1:00:39 Look at my angel son <3

1:00:48 Hey Lieb

1:00:54 IT’S TAB! HEY TAB!

1:01:09 Babe <3 GRANT <3

1:01:29 Ahahaha Roe, I see you strategically placed yourself where you could stare at Babe 😉

1:01:59 Only 63 men left? Oh </3

1:02:00 Ahh Joe/Charlie <3 Bill <3 We love and miss you

1:02:20 RICH <333333 I LOVE YOU RICH <3333333 GOODBYE RICH <333333333333

1:02:39 Fuck Speirs is hot

1:02:53 The flirting <3 shooting looks at each other aw

1:03:09 Boys, stop checking each other out. You’re literally in a church full of nuns, go somewhere else to expend your sexual tension, jeez.

1:03:41 Flirting via talk of Roman soldiers, I dig it

1:04:28 Oh God, guys, this bit. Other than the propensity of my angel son, compared to usual, this is the only good part of the episode, I am here for the Speirton!

“You don’t have any idea who I’m talking about, do you?” HIS FACE IS SO SOFT

“No, Sir.” Lip, sweetie.

“Hell, it was you, first sergeant.”

Speirs’ is in love right back. And his continued flirting re battlefield commission GOD. The way he looks at Lip… you deserve the hottest guy in the whole show, Lip, proud of you sweetie.

1:06:48 Annnnnd everything fucking hurts.

To summarise, I am kinda appeased by the glorious glory that is Spierton. Rich and Penk and Hoob and Renee are FINE. THEY JUST SO HAPPEN TO BE OFF-SCREEN. IT’S FINE. I’M FINE ABOUT IT.

#band of brothers #liveblog #spierton #rsj #this ep ugh

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racingtoaredlight · 3 years ago

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THE DEGENERATE’S GUIDE TO COLLEGE FOOTBALL TV WATCH ‘EM UPS 2021: WEEK TWO, A MUDDLED AND MAUDLIN WEEK OF MAYHEM IN HONOR OF THOSE WE LOST

RTARL would like to extend our warmest holiday wishes to those who celebrate and, even if you don’t, happy 9/11. Now who’s ready for some FOOTBALL!!!!?!?!

So after two weeks of games that combine to count as only one official week even though some teams have already played twice we have only one real question answered: is Alabama still good? Yes, they are. Everything else is still liquefying vapor.

I am assuming everybody is waiting with baited breath for an RTARLsman but I don’t have anything yet. I guess the not-Master Teague RBs on Ohio State are the frontrunners for now. Or that one guy from that one team who was good. You know who I mean.

Saturday, September 11

Matchup Time (ET) TV/Mobile

Illinois at Virginia 11:00am ACCN

Jeff George won Citrus Bowl MVP for the Illini against the Hoos in his last game as a student athlete before becoming the #1 overall pick in the 1990 NFL Draft. Based on this history it is safe to presume that whoever the QB is for Illinois today will be the #1 pick in 2022.

VMI at Kent State 11:30am ESPN3

I’m not sure on this but maybe this game is cancelled.

WKU at Army 11:30am CBSSN

Army is favored by 6. I bet this game is boring.

Norfolk State at Wake Forest 12:00pm ACCNX

I don’t see a line listed but whatever it is bet against Wake covering.

Indiana State at Northwestern 12:00pm BTN

This game is an act of terrorism.

Alabama State at 25 Auburn 12:00pm SECN

Real body bag season starts today, huh?

Youngstown State at Michigan State 12:00pm BTN

The Michigan State running back is the guy I was trying to think of earlier! He’s pretty good. Not good enough to make me watch this but I will check on his stats every so often.

Tulsa at Oklahoma State 12:00pm FS1

I bet Mike Gundy has some really salient thoughts on the 20th anniversary of 9/11 and I can’t wait to hear them.

South Carolina at East Carolina 12:00pm ESPN2

South Carolina is a two point favorite against an East Carolina team that is, per my understanding, not exactly good. So I can only extrapolate that South Carolina is likewise not good.

Pitt at Tennessee 12:00pm ESPN

Look, I’m not going to pretend this is good television but if Pitt rocks their classic yellow helmets and Tennessee wears non-alternates the colors on the screen will at least be pleasing. The thought of the actual football involved hurts my brain but it’s interesting that the points have gone from a consensus pick ‘em to Pitt -3 over the course of the week. Does Tennessee have any players that are good enough that by missing the game they could impact the gambling that much? Or are people just squaring themselves with the fact the the Vols are really and truly a ruined burnt out hole of a football program? Pound the latter.

12 Oregon at 3 Ohio State 12:00pm FOX

Losing Kayvon Thibideaux certainly isn’t going to help Oregon but he’s not usually on the field as a run stopper anyway and if Ohio State learned anything last week it’s that they can just run until they feel like throwing a pass. Oregon actually has some legit talent on the d-line besides Thibideaux but the Ducks are gonna be hard-pressed to keep things within two scores here.

Miami (Ohio) at Minnesota 12:00pm ESPN

If Oregon can’t make a game of it in Columbus look out because this time block is an absolute wasteland. There is scant reason to turn the TV on for the early schedule other than gambling purposes.

Kennesaw State at Georgia Tech 12:00pm RSN/ESPN3

Georgia Tech probably should have closed up shop after Paul Johnson retired. Either that or just absolutely slathered the football program in dollars. The Yellow Jackets being unable to land any big time recruits while playing in Atlanta is a real mindfuck. They aren’t a AA program playing dress up in a “power” conference they’ve got actual history. I don’t mean to give the impression I want them to be good but I don’t understand how they can be such fodder for so long.

13 Florida at USF 1:00pm ABC

Remember that year when USF was the best program in the state? Wild stuff. Weird, wild stuff. I know the deal with UF is that they don’t go out of state for contract games but it’s actually kind of surprising they even bothered to keep this trip to Tampa on the schedule. Like the area recruits would probably be happier to go see a game at The Swamp than to kick around their hometown for a pile of shit like this.

Wyoming at NIU 1:30pm ESPN+

I’m not gonna open the ESPN app for this but if it was on ESPN2 I’d probably check in on it during commercials. Aesthetically pleasing trash with an upside for actual entertainment.

Middle Tennessee at 19 Virginia Tech 2:00pm ACCNX

Virginia Tech’s home crowd scene was the normie story of last week’s games. People that don’t watch college football were either aghast or frantically waving their blue lives matter flags in response. Us in this space just ate the shame and forgot it happened by the time Saturday’s games kicked off. My theory is that VPI is not actually any good but UNC’s 2020 season was a well-timed fluke and the last hurrah of Mack Brown’s storied coaching career. The Hokies are at home, though, and MTSU is almost certainly not on the same athletic level as the Turkey Gobblers so I’d probably take the home team -20 if I were so inclined to wager on this particular game that is being broadcast on the ACC’s new pornography channel.

Rutgers at Syracuse 2:00pm ACCN

Holy fuck does this game suck. Reuniting former Big East, uh, rivals (??? does Rutgers have any natural enemies?) in a cross-conference classic betwixt the B1G and the ACC.

Duquesne at Ohio 2:00pm ESPN3

I don’t think I need to explain to you all the national title implications riding on this game.

Toledo at 8 Notre Dame 2:30pm Peacock

Just remember that if you subscribe to Peacock you are at the very least tacitly supporting Notre Dame. If for some reason you’re watching this please report back on how many of those defensive pick plays Notre Dame runs. They were doing that shit constantly against Florida State last week and it drove me nuts. I think the idea is that you are so flagrantly illegal so often that the refs grow numb to it and just don’t call it at all.

Robert Morris at Central Michigan 3:00pm ESPN3

Not to be outdone by the early games, the 3 o’clock set is equally terrible.

Purdue at UConn 3:00pm CBSSN

I bet Edsall still gets bonuses for stupid shit even now that he’s retired or whatever the official designation was for him no longer coaching.

Boston College at UMass 3:30pm FloFootball/NESN+

I don’t know what FloFootball is but I know it isn’t anything to do with the state of Florida.

Ball State at 11 Penn State 3:30pm FS1

It surprises me to see Penn State as only -22.5 favorites. That seems very kind to Ball State. Hopefully I’m wrong and the Ball State Lettermans take it to the Sanduskys.

Murray State at 7 Cincinnati 3:30pm ESPN+

Practice week continues.

Temple at Akron 3:30pm ESPN+

Pound the under.

Georgia Southern at Florida Atlantic 3:30pm Stadium

There is really nothing going on this week.

Air Force at Navy 3:30pm CBS

Middies vs. Fly Boys in the first leg of the Commander’s Cup on the twentieth anniversary of 9/11. I can’t imagine the amount of emotional manipulation that’s going to make its way onto this broadcast. Normally I watch these games but I don’t think I can do it this year.

UAB at 2 Georgia 3:30pm ESPN2

Georgia may well be absurdly talented on the defensive side of the ball but I’d be surprised to see them make it through the regular season with fewer than two losses.

5 Texas A&M at Colorado 3:30pm FOX

This is only interesting if the Aggies spring a leak.

California at TCU 3:30pm ESPNU

Things most certainly are not looking up.

Buffalo at Nebraska 3:30pm BTN

Nebraska is in an interesting position because if they buck the odds and end up being good after we’ve all been so ready to see a National Championship-winning coach get fired that would be funny but if they end up being really bad it’s even funnier. Go Bulls!

Mercer at 1 Alabama 4:00pm SECN

I’ll cry a little if Saban pulls the starters in the first half and the Tide beats Mercer by less than they beat Miami.

South Alabama at Bowling Green 4:00pm ESPN+

10 Iowa at 9 Iowa State 4:30pmABC

This is not the kind of top 10 matchup I can just sit idly by and let it happen. Your silence is complicity in this monstrous display of modernity.

SC State at 6 Clemson 5:00pm ACCN

Clemson dropped all the way to #6 and they’ll hang around the top of the polls because they don’t have the toughest conference schedule in the world but my confidence in them is not high right now. I think the new QB is just a guy. He’s talented as hell but I don’t see him being great.

Illinois State at Western Michigan 5:00pm ESPN3

This is either MACtion or MACtion adjacent and I have only one word for this midwestern trash: abhorrent.

LIU at West Virginia 5:00pm ESPN+

LIU plays football?

Lamar at UTSA 6:00pm ESPN3

Downside: You’re watching one of the least important games of the year. Upside: You’re really not missing anything.

Portland State at Washington State 6:00pm P12N

Washington State was a perfect spot for the stupid pirate fuckhead and his leaving has ruined the program and, eventually, his reputation. Not relevant to this game necessarily but this game isn’t relevant to anything else, either.

Gardner-Webb at Charlotte 6:00pm ESPN3

Oh, yeah, feel the excitement.

Bethune-Cookman at UCF 6:30pm ESPN+

Go Cats.

NC Central at Marshall 6:30pm ESPN+

The hits keep coming.

Houston at Rice 6:30pm CBSSN

I’ve always had a soft spot for Holgo and for Houston football but somehow I really don’t like seeing him coach the Cougs. This is SWC magic but with no magic. UNLESS! Houston can put up 100. I don’t think they even have the guys to do it but this is Rice we’re talking about here.

Nicholls at Louisiana 7:00pm ESPN3

Keep the energy up.

North Texas at SMU 7:00pm ESPN+

I bet is MS621 were still alive he’d be at this game giving Spencer’s boys hell. Sadly he died doing what he loved, curing his COVID by eating ivermectin paste out of a horse’s butt. R.I.P., friend. Neigh to you wherever you are.

Southeastern La. at Louisiana Tech 7:00pm ESPN3

Even the low tier stuff is geared up for annihilation. This is a bodybag week for all time.

Memphis at Arkansas State 7:00pm ESPN+

Memphis getting less than a touchdown against Arkansas State seems like easy money but I have no real concept of either of these teams just yet. Maybe the end is nigh for the Tigers glory years? I sure hope not but it’s possible.

NC State at Mississippi State 7:00pm ESPN2

This game should be as fun as a parents funeral.

Southern Illinois at Kansas State 7:00pm ESPN+

Over the past week I experienced derision for referring the the guys in purple and silver as “Kansas State” instead of “K State” and that stung because it always surprises me that anybody cares about them enough to have a strong opinion about them.

Stephen F. Austin at Texas Tech 7:00pm ESPN+

Shrugs

15 Texas at Arkansas 7:00pm ESPN

Let’s see if Texas is ready to run with the big boys of the SEC! Arkansas is given a decent shot to win this game and that makes the “15″ next to Texas appear extremely suspect in my eyes.

Texas Southern at Baylor 7:00pm ESPN+

This week Texas Southern is the people’s champion.

Texas State at FIU 7:00pm ESPN+

Oh, Butch, why have you done this to yourself?

Western Carolina at 4 Oklahoma 7:00pm PPV

All the Westen Carolina fans are buying this PPV to see their guys score 40.

New Mexico State at New Mexico 7:00pm Stadium

I looked up the historic rivalry last year to figure out why it was played early in the season instead of at the end but I’ve forgotten and don’t feel the need to look it up again. I figured out how to watch Stadium on my TV but I also forgot that and don’t feel the need to look it up again.

Appalachian State at 22 Miami (FL) 7:00pm ESPNU

My gut tells me Miami is probably legitimately about the 14th best team in the country but I still would never advise you to bet actual money on the Hurricanes. Are they 9 points better than App State? Easily. They should win by 20+. Are they liable to fuck around and lose or scrape out a win in the final seconds? Absolutely. Let’s fuckin’ go.

Morgan State at Tulane 7:00pm ESPN+

A lot of people learned to love the Green Wave last week but it’s hard to keep that going with their schedule. Don’t forget them later in the year when the CBSSN glow is really shining.

Liberty at Troy 7:00pm ESPN+

Liberty -4 is maybe my surest advice of the week. If Malik Willis is as good as his press the fake school should have this game on ice early.

Eastern Michigan at 18 Wisconsin 7:00pm FS1

I find Wisconsin’s losing effort against Penn State last week to be a personal affront against me and all of nature.

Eastern Kentucky at Louisville 7:00pm ACCNX

I think this game being broadcast at night on ACCNX means they’re playing naked.

Grambling State at Southern Miss 7:00pm ESPN3

This is the kind of game that belongs on an app.

Hampton at Old Dominion 7:00pm ESPN3

This is the kind of game that belongs on a well-worn high school football field.

Austin Peay at 20 Mississippi 7:30pm ESPN+/SECN+

This is a pretty big OOC game for an SEC team.

Georgia State at 24 North Carolina 7:30pm RSN/ESPN3

One of several GSUs, I think this is the one I most hope emerges victorious this week.

Idaho at Indiana 7:30pm BTN

Wait, wasn’t Indiana like #10 last week? What the hell happened to them? No, don’t tell me. Seriously, don’t.

Missouri at Kentucky 7:30pm SECN

When the SEC hits 24 teams the “S!E!C!” chants are gonna seem really stupid.

Howard at Maryland 7:30pm BTN

There’s no official line for this game but I hope the Bison can pull off the upset in this classic local rivalry game.

Jacksonville State at Florida State 8:00pm ACCN

Still shaking my head at FSU icing their own kicker. Jesus, Norvell. Get your shit together.

McNeese at LSU 8:00pm ESPN+/SECN+

LOLSU was my lock of the week last week if you’re considering taking gambling advice from me.

Washington at Michigan 8:00pm ABC

UDub lost to a 1-AA team last week and now they have to go on the road and beat Michigan. Which seems inevitable, to be honest.

Cal Poly at Fresno State 10:00pm CW59

The murder rate will continue to increase as the day progresses. I always kind of like it when a local broadcast shows up on the sheet. So pretty much none of us have legal access to this game. It makes it more special.

San Diego State at Arizona 10:00pm P12N

Pac-12 Network is similar to CW59 in that almost nobody in the country has legal access to their broadcasts. If you’ve read enough of these posts you are aware that SDSU is my weird very deep backup team. I don’t have a reason to align myself with the school or program, I just tend to enjoy watching their games.

Vanderbilt at Colorado State 10:00pm CBSSN

This is an abomination.

21 Utah at BYU 10:15pm ESPN

This is a lowkey fun rivalry. I’m pretty sure I write the same thing every year but it’s still true. Go Utes.

Stanford at 14 USC 10:30pm FOX

I think USC could win a national championship and I’d still be baffled that Clay Helton is their coach. Of course, they won’t win a national championship as long as Clay Helton is their coach but they apparently won’t ever get embarrassing enough to fire him, either.

Idaho State at Nevada 10:30pm Stadium

This is the lowpoint of the week’s schedule and you have to stay up late to watch it on a network that only exists as an app or as part of a hidden unlockable download-only level of cable subscription. This is the beauty of the college game.

UNLV at 23 Arizona State 10:30pm ESPN2

Herm Edwards figured out the trick to looking good in the Pac-12 without having a particularly great team and I can’t make up my mind if I’m rooting for him to keep sliding on that rail or to fall off it. I think I’ve come around to rooting for him but it’s a very dynamic and fluid situation.

Hawaii at Oregon State 11:00pm FS1

Hawaii gets to play at their normal time for a game against the bottom of the barrel of the Pac-12 but they’re an 11-point underdog. If you’re ever going to take Hawaii, this is the stars lining up for you to do it. It’s still a big “if” but I’m saying there’s a chance.

#college football #football #Tv watch em ups #rtarl watches tv #gambling #9/11 #two decades after 9/11

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tabloidtoc · 4 years ago

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National Enquirer, November 9

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Duchess Kate sets the record straight on Prince Harry and Meghan Markle

Page 2: Ben Affleck is wasting away and friends fear he’s taking his new health regimen too far as the six-foot-four star usually weighs 208 pounds but has shriveled to a spindly 165 -- a nutritionist put him on a sensible meal plan but he’s altered it with his own fantastical ideas such as he won’t go near bread and he’s ditched pasta and he’ll eat cantaloupe and blueberries one day and nuts and seeds the next and he’ll only drink boiled water and green tea for 24 hours then break his fast with a small bowl of quinoa -- instead of pumping iron he does exercises using his own body weight like ten-minute planks -- Ben thinks he looks great but his pals fear he’s traded one addiction for another

Page 3: Love-hungry Katie Holmes is thrilled to have a new man in her life but she’s breaking the bank to keep him happy because Katie is picking up the tab wherever she goes with Emilio Vitolo Jr. because it helps her feel she’s in full control of the relationship but Emilio may be taking advantage of Katie’s generosity because Katie has been showering him with designer clothes and jewelry and even paying for a personal trainer to whip him into shape -- Katie enjoys giving her guy things he can appreciate because he’s made her so happy but she may go broke doing it and it’s not like he doesn’t have any money; he’s worth a cool $1.5 million himself

Page 4: CNN rocked by sex scandal -- Jeffrey Toobin’s sleazy sex scandal has rocked CNN but it’s just the latest in a string of scandals at the network

Page 5: Axed Fox News anchor Ed Henry fought back against his co-worker’s rape charges in a blockbuster lawsuit by handing the court explicit selfies and texts in an attempt to prove their tryst was consensual

Page 6: Ryan Seacrest is downplaying his latest shocking absence from Live with Kelly and Ryan but the TV dynamo is battling a mystery illness that may force him to sign off for good -- the co-host who is a well known as a workaholic skipped out on the daytime show for the third time this year and used the coronavirus pandemic as his excuse -- Ryan was suffering badly from flu-like symptoms on the weekend before his absences but came back negative for coronavirus however doctors remain baffled by Ryan’s ongoing battles with exhaustion and weight loss and stroke-like symptoms, disgraced perv Bill Cosby’s latest mug shot shows he’s a shriveled shadow of his former self and the fallen funnyman flashed a maniacal grin while refusing to look into the camera in the picture snapped behind bars in September and he’s unshaven and his hair is ratty

Page 7: Lizzo has embarked on a radical vegan diet and extreme exercise program to save her life -- doctor warned the 350-pound singer that her daily intake of 5000 calories a day was a dangerous path to self-destruction and she needed to change her life or lose it and Lizzo finally got the message and is committed to this program but it’s been a living hell for her

Page 8: After surviving a fiery crash at the Daytona 500 NASCAR hero Ryan Newman is locked in an ugly $50 million divorce showdown with his estranged wife -- Ryan and Kristina Newman split in 2019 after she was caught having an affair with another man and paying her love $450,000 and now Ryan’s lawyers are trying to freeze Kristina who was once referred to as the First Lady of NASCAR out of his fortune -- court papers reveal the two split in July 2019 when Kristina went to live with her boyfriend U.S. Army Captain Joe Schwankhaus who is the Chief Operations Officer of Kristina’s company VRX USA

Page 9: Ellen DeGeneres debuted a high-flying pompadour hairstyle on her new talk show but the makeover still doesn’t get to the root of her recent problems and although her hair may be rising her show’s ratings are falling

Page 10: Hot Shots -- pregnant Kelly Rowland, Andy Cohen took his son Benjamin for a stroll in NYC, Will Smith held court in L.A. while shooting King Richard a biopic about the dad of tennis greats Venus Williams and Serena Williams, Angela Bassett caught a drive-in screening of One Night in Miami in L.A.

Page 11: Grieving Lisa Marie Presley has broken her silence over the suicide of her beloved only son Benjamin Keough saying her heart and soul went with him sharing her heartbreak on what would have been Ben’s 28th birthday and she added she’s dedicating herself to raising Ben’s twin half-sisters and actress sister Riley Keough, Chaka Khan refuses to duo with Ariana Grande again saying she’s not gonna do a song with no heifer -- Chaka and Ariana worked together in 2019 for the Charlie’s Angels soundtrack

Page 12: Straight Shuter -- DWTS pro Emma Slater kept a handle on her coffee while steering her e-bike (picture), it pays to be Brad Pitt’s girlfriend as his new squeeze Nicole Poturalski has doubled her modeling fees, dancing siblings Derek Hough and Julianne Hough are out of step over her sloppy personal life and his hot new judging career because these two were supposed to be the next Donny and Marie Osmond but his solo career is exploding while hers is falling apart, Madonna has always been a big believer in astrology but now she won’t even meet with people if it’s not written in the stars and she’s spending a fortune to have an army of people read her charts

Page 13: Losing his beloved son to cancer has sparked new fears for fragile Robert Redford because Robert has struggled with his own health over the years and losing his son to bile-duct cancer is extremely worrying; he’s already frail and this has friends fearing the worst, Jeff Bridges is confident he’ll win his battle with lymphoma by coupling medical care with a strict vegan diet and chanting and spiritual healing techniques

Page 14: Convicted wife killer Scott Peterson may soon walk out of prison and grisly photos lawyers say could set him free -- following years of appeals California’s Supreme Court overturned Scott’s death penalty and now another appeal is forcing a lower court to reexamine his conviction for murdering seven months pregnant wife Laci Peterson and their unborn son Conner -- if Scott gets a retrial his legal team will be allowed to introduce new evidence including crime scene pictures that Scott’s former defense attorney said suggests Laci’s disappearance was an abduction by a satanic cult

Page 15: Former child star Zachery Ty Bryan of Home Improvement was jailed overnight and released on $8500 bail following his bust for a fight with a galpal at an apartment complex in Eugene in Oregon -- the drama comes on the heels of Zachery’s split from wife Carly Matros the mom of his four kids

Page 16: Ryan Reynolds can’t wait to film a new rom-com with close pal Sandra Bullock but it’s causing tension with wife Blake Lively even though Blake trusts Ryan and would never forbid him from taking this part but the idea of him getting cozy with Sandra again still makes her uneasy -- now Ryan and Sandra are signed up to do The Lost City of D and despite Sandra’s denials they ever had a romance Ryan is gushing about them getting back together

Page 17: Isolated and overlooked Today show host Hoda Kotb is being bullied off the morning show because of tepid ratings and the absence of former sidekick Kathie Lee Gifford and Mean Girls treatment by co-hosts Savannah Guthrie and Jenna Bush Hager have pushed the disillusioned anchor closer to the door -- Hoda recently filled out paperwork to adopt a third child and she’s clearly putting more emphasis on family than her career and it sends the signal she isn’t happy with her role and is not thinking of Today as her top priority, trainwreck Matthew Perry is holed up in his new Pacific Palisades beach pad pounding out an explosive tell-all and his former Friends are quaking about what secrets he may reveal -- Matthew wants to rush the book out while interest in the Friends reunion special which was postponed by the COVID-19 pandemic remains high -- he knows an uncensored account of his time on Friends and his drug issues would be a bestseller and he intends to blow the lid off his on-set romances and address rumors he and Jennifer Aniston were more than friends

Page 18: American Life -- her tall tale: I have the longest legs in the world

Page 19: Jessica Simpson has been flaunting her body after dumping a shocking 100 pounds but buddies worry the drastic drop in size isn’t natural and suspect she’s been taking diet pills again and they’re worried this could escalate into a big issue

Page 20: Devastated Reese Witherspoon was hit with a depressing double whammy -- the death of her dog Pepper from cancer and the delay of her long-awaited sequel Legally Blonde 3, Hollywood Hookups -- John Cena and Shay Shariatzadeh wed, Ashley Hebert and J.P. Rosenbaum split, Cardi B and Offset on again

Page 21: Bruce Willis is back in another Die Hard but this time it’s a commercial for Advance Auto Parts and Die Hard batteries and it’s a clear statement on the state of his career that Bruce has to revisit his amazing past to make a fast buck in the present, Giada De Laurentiis has been given the green light to get married by her 12-year-old daughter Jade -- Giada has dated TV producer Shane Farley for five years and he’s been living with mother and daughter for five months during the pandemic lockdown which gave Jade a firsthand look at what it would be like to have a new daddy and Shane’s passed the test with flying colors

Page 22: Cover Story -- Prince William’s heartsick wife Kate Middleton is breaking her silence about the royal family’s tumultuous bitter break with Prince Harry and Meghan Markle to set the record straight and save Britain’s monarchy and she’s tired of all the rumors and lies and backbiting and after all the drama and negativity she wants to get the truth out there and end this unprecedented crisis that’s endangering the monarchy’s survival -- friends are trying to convince Kate to do an official sit-down TV interview about what really happened between once-inseparable William and Harry and how Harry and Meghan tore the family apart even before they moved to America but Kate is resisting because she fears that could backfire like Princess Diana’s TV tell-all about her marriage to Prince Charles 25 years ago -- Kate had to turn the other cheek often after Meghan joined the family and she offered to help Meghan adjust to royal life from the start but Meghan rebuffed her and Kate in tired of Meghan painting her as the bad guy especially when it was Meghan’s antics that tore the family apart -- Kate also is upset that Harry and Meghan are portraying themselves as victims of a world that’s against them while she and William take on a phenomenal workload to cover the responsibilities the Sussexes left and losing precious time with their own three children and it’s hard not to be bitter but Kate is trying to take the high road and forgive Meghan and move forward

Page 26: With their marriage hanging by a thread Tori Spelling fears Dean McDermott will cheat on her again while filming a new TV show in Canada for six months; Tori wanted to bring their 5 children to Canada with him but Dean put her off saying it would be too distracting -- she’s been a jittery mess and he can’t stand to look at her and he only took this job because they need the money, Melanie Griffith is frustrated with Chris Martin and wants him to put a ring on her daughter Dakota Johnson’s finger -- the couple have been dating since 2017 and Melanie’s fed up with waiting for Chris to pop the question -- Melanie began to lose her patience after the couple reunited following a split last June when Chris won Dakota back with promises to settle down

Page 28: COVID Vaccines: What you need to know

Page 32: Miley Cyrus claimed she once spotted a spaceship over Hollywood and even locked eyes with an alien but she also admits she’d bought weed wax from a guy in a van in front of a taco shop, whiny Kris Jenner is blaming social media for killing off Keeping Up with the Kardashians after it helped the reality TV clan make a mint

Page 34: Ozzy Osbourne is terrified a doll has cursed him -- Ozzy told son Jack Osbourne on their Osbournes Want to Believe show that Robert the doll was responsible for his recent bad luck and failing health, Tom Cruise and his Mission: Impossible 7 team caused chaos at an Italian hospital by filming there during the COVID-19 pandemic -- Tom and his crew including 100 security staffers plus trucks and other equipment descended on the Policlinico Umberto I in Rome for a week and legions of fans also flocked to the filming creating even more commotion in the streets outside the hospital and adding to the bedlam the production commandeered an elevator drawing criticism as hospital staff were treating 140 coronavirus patients with 12 in intensive care -- filming was done in an administrative section of the hospital but still sparked an official protest as well as complaints from trade union members

Page 36: Health Watch

Page 38: Superhero screen pals of Chris Pratt rushed to rescue the actor’s reputation after he was mercilessly dragged into a silly social media meme when a Twitter user posted pictures of Chris Pratt and Chris Pine and Chris Hemsworth and Chris Evans captioned with the instruction one has to go but a flood of responses slammed Pratt as the worst Chris causing his Marvel co-stars to prop him up such as Zoe Saldana and Robert Downey Jr. and Mark Ruffalo and Jeremy Renner and Guardians of the Galaxy director James Gunn and Chris Pratt’s wife Katherine Schwarzenegger also bashed the social media bullies, Matthew McConaughey kept saying alright alright alright to making romantic comedies until the day he was so fed up he turned down $14.5 million to do another one -- Matthew revealed in his memoir that he didn’t mind making a string of mindless rom-coms because their paychecks rented the houses on the beach he ran shirtless on but he eventually wanted to try something else so he turned down a big payday so he could get more serious

Page 42: Red Carpet -- Drew Barrymore

Page 47: Odd List

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kemetic-dreams · 6 years ago

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A Simple Workout Plan For Serious Mass Gain

The age-old desire to build a strong, well-proportioned physique is still alive and well. Yes, the average gym-goer no longer yearns to build a monstrous, freaky, eye-popping body complete with gnarly veins, huge, stumpy legs and the inability to fit into a dress shirt. But everybody in the gym still wants to build an appreciable amount of muscle and strength. And they want to actually see the results of their hard work without it being hidden under a layer of unwanted body fat.

Building an impressive physique not only grants external benefits such as strength, power, and an aesthetically pleasing structure. It also provides many internal benefits: confidence, increased self-esteem, and self-discipline, just to name a few.

But with all of the traffic out there regarding specific plans, protocols, and formulas, it’s easy to bang your head against the wall and fall into the black hole of frustration and confusion. Drowning in information makes the temptation to throw in the towel even stronger. Another trap is to become a plan jumper. Are you constantly switching from plan to plan without any real commitment to one for a significant period of time? Do you lack any real results from the last six months of training? How about the last year?

You might need to start over.

If what you are doing now is working, then by all means don’t stop. But if you’re the type I talked about above, then an intervention may be in order. You may feel comfortable in what you’re doing; you may be strong in certain areas and like that feeling; or you may just be a creature of habit and fear change. Whichever category you fit into, you have to ask yourself a serious question: Is what I’m doing getting me closer to my ultimate goal?

The Forgotten Muscle-Building Secret

Step back from all of the noise, hype, and empty promises for a moment, and you may find the key to success in the gym staring you right in the face. It’s not some huge secret, it’s just been forgotten. Are you ready to hear it? Here it is:

The key to building muscle (or any other physical goal for that matter) is to commit wholly to any credible plan and practice discipline, consistency, and persistence with said plan. In other words, it really doesn’t matter what program you choose, as long as it is in line with your goals. It’s up to you to make it work. Pick a plan—any plan—and stick to it for at least six months.Work at it, stay with it, and believe in it. After six months, then and only then can you switch things up or try something new.

What you really need in your training are the basics. Throw out all of the super-technical, complex and advanced techniques that just have you spinning your wheels. Some of them may be very effective ways to accelerate your training, but you need to relearn the basics and build a solid foundation first. Start with the moves that enable you to use the most amount of weight and utilize the most amount of muscle mass. Multi-joint, compound exercises like bench presses, shoulder presses, pull ups, rows, deadlifts, squats, and dips are the big boys on the block and will give you the most bang for your buck. Steer clear of exercises like double biceps, high cable curls which yield little-to-no real results in the bigger scheme of things.

Training to Build Mass

Let’s take this step by step:

Choose how many days per week you will train. One of the best schedules is to train four times per week. With that in mind, shoot for Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday with Wednesday and the weekend off.

Next, choose your frequency. Training your entire body twice per week with a simple upper/lower split routine makes the most sense for a basic plan. That means chest, back, and shoulders on Mondays and Thursdays and arms and legs on Tuesdays and Fridays.

Exercise selection is next. You will want to choose no more than two exercises for larger body parts such as chest, back, and legs and no more than one for smaller areas such as arms, shoulders and calves. Just be sure they are those big, compound exercises we talked about, instead of the smaller isolation moves.

Determine volume (sets). Your total amount of volume need not be too high. We tend to do a little more where we excel and cut back on what is hard. Strive for an even playing field, and shoot for four to five sets per exercise. That should have you in and out of the gym in about an hour.

Choose a rep range. Traditionally, pure strength training follows a lower rep range of 2-6 reps, while hypertrophy (muscle mass) tends to sit in the 6-12 range. Depending on your goal, anywhere from 4-12 reps will be ideal.

Don’t forget about rest periods. This factor is one of the most influential in your training. For example, if hypertrophy is the goal, then rest periods of 45-90 seconds are best. Resting too long allows for less fatigue and more time wasted in the gym.

Commit to it. Without commitment, all of the planning you painstakingly laid out will be for naught. Make a promise to yourself that you will see this through for at least six months.

Nutrition for Mass Gain

Nothing is as complicated as the diet-marketing landscape. Every few months, there seems to be a new “greatest diet plan ever,” guaranteed to give you the results you’re after. These plans always seem to be limiting in nature, in that they eliminate certain foods entirely or have you only eating at certain times of the day. Some will even go as far as letting you eat what you want after a specific time.

At the end of the day, a balanced diet that includes nutrient-dense proteins, plenty of vegetables and fruits, and some healthy fat sources is always the answer for long-term health benefits and muscle-building purposes. If the latest craze seems too good to be true, it probably is.

Let’s also take your eating plan step by step:

Determine how often you need to eat. Gone are the days of eating every two hours on the dot. That only creates too much stress and makes you a slave to your eating schedule. At the very least, make sure you are getting in three solid meals with a pre- and post-workout snack.

Start with protein. No, you don’t have to eat a whole chicken or 12 ounces of beef with every meal. Also, don’t rely too much on protein powder. Getting in about one gram per pound of bodyweight will do the trick. If you go slightly below, don’t sweat it. Get protein from chicken, lean beef, ground meat, fish, cheeses, eggs, protein powder (for post-workout) and Greek yogurt.

Don’t be afraid of carbs. The bottom line is that you need carbs if you want to build muscle. Be sure they are of the complex kind and avoid any added sugars. Go with rice (white and brown), potatoes (sweet and white), oats, green vegetables, fruits such as apples, bananas, and berries, and whole grain breads and pastas. Start with two grams per pound of bodyweight and then adjust as necessary.

Include the right kind of fat. You need healthy fats to balance out your mass gaining diet. Oils naturally found in fish, avocados, nuts, and nut butters are great choices. Shoot for around 0.5 grams per pound to start.

Pre- and post-workout nutrition. Its’s important to get in a little something prior to training, especially if you’re the nine-to-five type. This should include a lean protein and a complex carb to get you through your workout. Additionally, it’s a good idea to have some post-workout nutrition on hand immediately after training, which should include a fast-acting protein source and some quick digesting carbs to help the recovery process.

Schedule cheat days. What’s a mass-gaining eating plan without a cheat day? If your diet is relatively clean and full of the good stuff, take a meal or two on a weekend (not the whole day) and have anything you want. It will give you something to look forward to at the end of the week, and give you a much-needed mental break.

Stay consistent. As with training, you will need to stay consistent with the eating plan as well. A good day or two each week won’t cut it. If you want to pack on some serious muscle, every day counts.

Sample Basic Workout Plan for Muscle Mass

Let’s take a look at what it might look like to put this advice into action:

Note: The HIIT cardio can be performed either after your training session, or on an off day (Wednesdays and the weekends).

Click here for a printable copy of this training plan.

Sample Basic Nutrition Plan for Muscle Mass

The following eating plan is adequate for the average 180-pound lifter wanting to gain lean amounts of muscle mass. This is only an example, and should be adjusted to fit your specific needs.

Training Days

Meal 1 (breakfast)

3 whole eggs, scrambled or omelet-style

2 slices of wheat bread (toasted) with low-sugar jam or jelly or ½ cup (dry) oatmeal mixed with skim milk

Meal 2 (lunch)

Chicken breast salad with ½ avocado and vegetables with an oil-based dressing

1 small baked potato or sweet potato or 1 cup cooked rice

2 slices or wheat bread, 4 ounces of deli meat, 2 slices of deli cheese, low-fat mayo or mustard, and 1 piece of fruit

Pre-workout

1 apple, banana, or other fruit such as blueberries

1 cup of Greek yogurt or 1 scoop of whey protein powder

Handful of mixed nuts

Post-workout

1 cup of blueberries or a banana or other piece of fruit

1 scoop of whey protein powder

Meal 4 (dinner)

4-6 ounces of fish, chicken, ground meat, or turkey

As much green vegetables and salad as you want

1 small potato or 1 cup cooked rice

Non-Training Days

Meal 1 (breakfast)

3 whole eggs, scrambled or omelet-style

2 slices of wheat bread (toasted) with low-sugar jam or jelly or ½ cup (dry) oatmeal mixed with skim milk

Meal 2 (lunch)

Chicken breast salad with ½ avocado and vegetables with an oil-based dressing

1 small baked potato or sweet potato or 1 cup cooked rice

2 slices or wheat bread, 4 ounces of deli meat, 2 slices of deli cheese, low-fat mayo or mustard, and 1 piece of fruit

Meal 3 (snack)

1 apple, banana, or other fruit such as blueberries

1 cup of Greek yogurt or 1 scoop of whey protein powder

Handful of mixed nuts

Meal 4 (dinner)

4-6 ounces of fish, chicken, ground meat, or turkey

As much green vegetables and salad as you want

1 small potato or 1 cup cooked rice

Building Muscle Isn’t Complicated

Packing on lean muscle mass isn’t rocket science. It’s rather basic, really. All it takes is a commitment from you, some discipline, and the practice of day-to-day consistency. In time, you will have built an impressive foundation, and more importantly, a sense of how your own body works and what you need to do for a better physique. Pick a plan, stick with it, keep it simple, and reap big rewards.

#fitness #health #kemetic dreams #mass gain #mass gainer

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