#28 has been my unlucky number for a while. at least since i was 10 years old.

[orcelito]

the predicament of having 3.4k words in my current WIP and 23k words total, so i need to Not have it be 5k words in the next chapter bc then that'd put me at 28k words and that is a No Good for me, but also i could see 5k words being a natural ending for what i have planned. might have to insert smth to make it 6k. im sure readers wouldnt be too upset by that lmao

[yr-obedt-cicero]

I know there’s a strong possibility that Laurens’ death may have been suicide but what about Ham’s? There is speculation that Ham’s death may have been suicide, especially since he has a history of feeling suicidal. I could be wrong though. I’m curious of your take.

Not likely. While depression and depressive thoughts did plague Hamilton throughout his life, he was only “suicidal” during his years of early/mid adulthood. Or at least that we know of, it is heavily likely Hamilton may have still had such thoughts later in life especially with all that he went through — but there's no indication of such, especially in regards to the duel.

Hamilton did seem to be going through a depressive phase throughout 1780, where he implies suicide twice, as he writes to confine in Laurens and Elizabeth;

“The truth is I am an unlucky honest man, that speak my sentiments to all and with emphasis. I say this to you because you know it and will not charge me with vanity. I hate Congress—I hate the army—I hate the world—I hate myself. The whole is a mass of fools and knaves; I could almost except you and Meade.”

(source — Alexander Hamilton to John Laurens, [September 12, 1780])

“I am chagrined and unhappy but I submit. In short Laurens I am disgusted with every thing in this world but yourself and very few more honest fellows and I have no other wish than as soon as possible to make a brilliant exit. ’Tis a weakness; but I feel I am not fit for this terrestreal Country”

(source — Alexander Hamilton to John Laurens, [January 8, 1780])

“What have we to do with any thing but love? Go the world as it will, in each others arms we cannot but be happy. If America were lost we should be happy in some other clime more favourable to human rights. What think you of Geneva as a retreat? ’Tis a charming place; where nature and society are in their greatest perfection. I was once determined to let my existence and American liberty end together. My Betsey has given me a motive to outlive my pride, I had almost said my honor; but America must not be witness to my disgrace. As it is always well to be prepared for the worst, I talk to you in this strain; not that I think it probable we shall fail in the contest; for notwithstanding all our perplexities, I think the chances are without comparison in our favour; and that my Aquileia and I will plant our turnips in her native land.”

(source — Alexander Hamilton to Elizabeth Schuyler, [September 6, 1780])

But after that he barely wrote like such again, and I don't think it ever reached to the same severity after that. After Philip's death, Hamilton found solace in religion, and the church. As it seemed to comfort the thought of death that he would one day reunite with all his loved ones in the afterlife. But in extension, he became a more pious person, and was more outspoken against dueling and the morals of it.

Hamilton even went as far as to write a whole statement of his reasoning before the duel because he was very reluctant to attend but found that he had to;

“1 My religious and moral principles are strongly opposed to the practice of Duelling, and it would even give me pain to be obliged to shed the blood of a fellow creature in a private combat forbidden by the laws.

2 My wife and Children are extremely dear to me, and my life is of the utmost importance to them, in various views.

3 I feel a sense of obligation towards my creditors; who in case of accident to me, by the forced sale of my property, may be in some degree sufferers. I did not think my self at liberty, as a man of probity, lightly to expose them to this hazard.

4 I am conscious of no ill-will to Col Burr, distinct from political opposition, which, as I trust, has proceeded from pure and upright motives.”

(source — Statement on Impending Duel with Aaron Burr, [28 June–10 July 1804])

He continues;

“To those, who with me abhorring the practice of Duelling may think that I ought on no account to have added to the number of bad examples—I answer that my relative situation, as well in public as private aspects, enforcing all the considerations which constitute what men of the world denominate honor, impressed on me (as I thought) a peculiar necessity not to decline the call. The ability to be in future useful, whether in resisting mischief or effecting good, in those crises of our public affairs, which seem likely to happen, would probably be inseparable from a conformity with public prejudice in this particular.”

Hamilton's consideration was prioritized for future matters, as he refused to decline the challenge because he was worried of being deemed a coward, and thus when a crisis or his public assistance would be needed, the country would refuse him due to his tainted name. Hamilton also had an appointment with Dirck Ten Broeck scheduled, where he was expecting to go over a legal case at his office later in morning on the day of the duel. Hamilton would not care for any of this if his intent was truly not to survive.

In fact, Hamilton was more prepared to die for other duels he partook in; he even had a will prepared during his confrontation with duel James Nicholson in 1795 after they went through a squabble. Five days later after he finalized that he would meet Nicholson in the field, Hamilton wrote a lengthy letter of instructions to Robert Troup;

“Confiding in your integrity and friendship to me, I have made you Executor of my Will. My concerns are not very extensive and of course will not give you much trouble. Indeed I might have dispensed with the ceremony of making a Will as to what I may myself leave had I not wished that my little property may be applied as readily and as fairly as may be to the benefit of my few Creditors. For after a life of labour, I leave my family to the benevolence of others, if my course shall happen to be terminated here.”

(source — Alexander Hamilton to Robert Troup, [July 25, 1795])

Of course though, he survived. Hamilton had been involved in several other duels prior to the one with Burr - none ever even actually occurred on the field, which was a case for many challenges back then - it is important to note that a majority of duels back then didn't even end in death. For instance, Burr had once dueled Hamilton's brother-in-law, John Barker Church, and the two didn't suffer from any injuries or death. I also don't even think Hamilton thought Burr would shoot him, and gave serious thought to what he would do if Burr insisted on exchanging more than one round of fire.

I also don't think he was that insensitive about how his death would affect his family, most importantly. After watching Angelica's mental well-being distort after Philip's death, and how Elizabeth would struggle terribly without his support — he would have obviously known what that would do for them all, and they seemed to be his highest concern from the minute he was shot to the last hour on his deathbed.

[the-lichemaster]

all the even numbers

Ok then.

2. Outgoing or ShyShy. I making hate eye contact so much I’m eligible for disability benefits.

4. Are you easy to get along with?I think so, as long as your willing to do all the heavy lifting in the conversation department

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?Aggressive brunette women. Or more generally, I like people who have nerdy and weird interests but who aren’t annoying about it and aren’t squares.

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

Judge Judy

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

A homeless guy I met while waiting for the pharmacy to fill my order (he was waiting too). I forget his name, but we talked about waste in capitalism and what our ideal societies would be.

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Answered this one earlier

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

No

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

No.

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

No. I imagine she has forgotten all about me.

20. Do you like your neighbors?

I don’t talk to them, but they seem fine.

22. Where would you like to travel?

Answered this one already

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

Getting drunk

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Curse the day I was born, check email and news on my phone

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

I guess my mum, but really it’s a 7 billion way tie with everyone on earth making me uncomfortable

30. Do you ever want to get married? 

Maybe, although I think if I did it would just to make someone else happy.

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

No. I used to be really into basketball as a kid.

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Oh yeah. Never told any of my crushes really.

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

Funny, patient, pushes me out of my comfort zone, like horror movies and metal music (or at least is tolerant of them), dark hair, fangs, horns, bat wings

40. What do you want to do after high school? 

I graduated from high school over a decade ago. I wanted to go into Graphic Design, but that didn’t work out (turns out I hated sitting in front of computer all day).

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? 

I have nothing to say. I am comfortable in silence.

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

Ocean. No critters to look at in space.

46. What are you paranoid about?

People secretly not liking me. Getting locked out of my apartment (When leaving I’ll check my pockets for my keys like six times).

48. Have you ever been drunk?

I’m drunk right now

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Black

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? 

Pretty much everything except my taste in things. Also bigger dick, obviously.

54. Favourite store?

I like used book stores, but I probably go to the liquor store the most.

56. Favourite colour?

Purple

58. Last thing you ate? 

KFC

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

Not that I can recall, no.

62. Been arrested? For what?

Nope. Too sneaky.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

I was in I THINK 6th grade (maybe 7th). Our class was out camping by a lake (the school I went to would send the 5th, 6th, and 7th grades out to a camp for the last week of school). Her name was Laura, and I don’t really remember the context (it might have just been her goofing around). All I remember is it what by an archery range.

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

Don’t have any real friends, so you guys win by default I guess

68. Twitter or Tumblr? 

I prefer Tumblr but I do have a Twitter, which I mostly use for more political stuff (@jeremyehm if you’re curious). I find Twitter to be really toxic, everyone’s always arguing with each other and being assholes. Plus it’s just an endless cavalcade of bad news.

70. Names of your bestfriends? 

Carling Black Label Supreme and Crown Royal

72. What colour are your towels?

Dark grey. This allows spiders to hide in them easily when they are hanging.

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

Zero.

76. What colour is your underwear?

Blue. The pattern is of a polar bear drinking bear.

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? 

Strawberry

80. What colour pants? 

Dark blue

82. Favourite movie? 

Alien

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? 

Haven’t seen Mean Girls, so 21 Jump Street I guess.

86. Favorite character from Finding Nemo? 

The barracuda who eats Nemo’s mom at the beginning. I don’t watch Pixar movies, I think FInding Nemo was actually the last one I saw.

88. Last person you talked to today? 

The cashier at KFC

90. Name a person you love? 

My mum and dad, I guess

92. In a fight with someone? 

No, and if I got into one I would lose (unless my opponent was like a baby or on crutches or something).

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? 

One hoody that I never wear. Should probably give it away to a homeless shelter now that I think about it.

96. Favourite actress?

Edwige Fenech, or Meiko Kaji

98. Do you tan a lot?

I’m part Irish, Danish and English, so I tend to burst into flames when in direct sunlight rather than tan.

100. How are you feeling? 

Not too bad. A bit gassy.

102. Do you regret anything from your past? 

Mostly everything, yeah.

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

Not really.

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? 

I don’t think so. I remember towards the end of my senior year there was a girl in my grade who, in retrospect, was hitting on me/trying to hang out with me all the time. I was totally clueless and left her hanging, but I imagine I’m easy to get over.

108. What should you be doing? 

Fuck off, it’s my birthday. I’ll do it tomorrow

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? 

Not really no. Crushes are always a little uncomfortable, but since it’s impossible for someone to like me back I can usually just push it to the back of my mind.

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

Therapist

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

I’ve been down to Seattle and Los Angeles before. Never been to another province of Canada though!

116. Are you listening to music right now? 

Yes (listening to the Misfits). Unless I’m watching a movie or sleeping I’m listening to music.

118. Do you like Chinese food?

Love it

120. Are you afraid of the dark? 

No.

122. Is cheating ever okay? 

No

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? 

No.

126. Are you currently bored? 

A little

128. Would you change your name? 

I think I like my current name fine. Unusual without being weird.

130. Do you like subway? 

The sandwich chain? No, it sucks ass.

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 

Hey this is a duplicate question. Nice job, whoever originally posted this.

134. Can you count to one million? 

Yes. I won’t though.

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? 

Closed.

138. Curly or Straight hair? 

Straight, but I don’t really care.

140. Summer or Winter? 

They kinda suck equally, but I guess there isn’t any snow in Summer, so I’ll go with that.

142. Favourite month? 

I’m going to say April or May. Warm and breezy.

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? 

Milk, although I don’t really like sweets.

146. Was today a good day? 

It was pretty good, went to the dispensary, bought a pipe that’s shaped like a wizard.

148. What’s your favourite quote? 

Like this statement from the IRA following a botched assassination attempt on Margaret Thatcher and her cabinet: “Today we were unlucky, but remember we only have to be lucky once. You will have to be lucky always”

I also like a quote from a Maoist responding to Kruschev’s comment that while he was the son of a peasant while the Maoist was from the aristocracy: “We have something in common: we are both traitors to our class.”

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? 

From “The Best Short Stories of J.G. Ballard”: “I’m beginning to realize it was a mistake to put them in there-all those lights blazing down, the huge floors, high walls.”

Whew, that took awhile. Thanks for asking.