#28 has been my unlucky number for a while. at least since i was 10 years old.

[orcelito]

the predicament of having 3.4k words in my current WIP and 23k words total, so i need to Not have it be 5k words in the next chapter bc then that'd put me at 28k words and that is a No Good for me, but also i could see 5k words being a natural ending for what i have planned. might have to insert smth to make it 6k. im sure readers wouldnt be too upset by that lmao

[yr-obedt-cicero]

I know there’s a strong possibility that Laurens’ death may have been suicide but what about Ham’s? There is speculation that Ham’s death may have been suicide, especially since he has a history of feeling suicidal. I could be wrong though. I’m curious of your take.

Not likely. While depression and depressive thoughts did plague Hamilton throughout his life, he was only “suicidal” during his years of early/mid adulthood. Or at least that we know of, it is heavily likely Hamilton may have still had such thoughts later in life especially with all that he went through — but there's no indication of such, especially in regards to the duel.

Hamilton did seem to be going through a depressive phase throughout 1780, where he implies suicide twice, as he writes to confine in Laurens and Elizabeth;

“The truth is I am an unlucky honest man, that speak my sentiments to all and with emphasis. I say this to you because you know it and will not charge me with vanity. I hate Congress—I hate the army—I hate the world—I hate myself. The whole is a mass of fools and knaves; I could almost except you and Meade.”

(source — Alexander Hamilton to John Laurens, [September 12, 1780])

“I am chagrined and unhappy but I submit. In short Laurens I am disgusted with every thing in this world but yourself and very few more honest fellows and I have no other wish than as soon as possible to make a brilliant exit. ’Tis a weakness; but I feel I am not fit for this terrestreal Country”

(source — Alexander Hamilton to John Laurens, [January 8, 1780])

“What have we to do with any thing but love? Go the world as it will, in each others arms we cannot but be happy. If America were lost we should be happy in some other clime more favourable to human rights. What think you of Geneva as a retreat? ’Tis a charming place; where nature and society are in their greatest perfection. I was once determined to let my existence and American liberty end together. My Betsey has given me a motive to outlive my pride, I had almost said my honor; but America must not be witness to my disgrace. As it is always well to be prepared for the worst, I talk to you in this strain; not that I think it probable we shall fail in the contest; for notwithstanding all our perplexities, I think the chances are without comparison in our favour; and that my Aquileia and I will plant our turnips in her native land.”

(source — Alexander Hamilton to Elizabeth Schuyler, [September 6, 1780])

But after that he barely wrote like such again, and I don't think it ever reached to the same severity after that. After Philip's death, Hamilton found solace in religion, and the church. As it seemed to comfort the thought of death that he would one day reunite with all his loved ones in the afterlife. But in extension, he became a more pious person, and was more outspoken against dueling and the morals of it.

Hamilton even went as far as to write a whole statement of his reasoning before the duel because he was very reluctant to attend but found that he had to;

“1 My religious and moral principles are strongly opposed to the practice of Duelling, and it would even give me pain to be obliged to shed the blood of a fellow creature in a private combat forbidden by the laws.

2 My wife and Children are extremely dear to me, and my life is of the utmost importance to them, in various views.

3 I feel a sense of obligation towards my creditors; who in case of accident to me, by the forced sale of my property, may be in some degree sufferers. I did not think my self at liberty, as a man of probity, lightly to expose them to this hazard.

4 I am conscious of no ill-will to Col Burr, distinct from political opposition, which, as I trust, has proceeded from pure and upright motives.”

(source — Statement on Impending Duel with Aaron Burr, [28 June–10 July 1804])

He continues;

“To those, who with me abhorring the practice of Duelling may think that I ought on no account to have added to the number of bad examples—I answer that my relative situation, as well in public as private aspects, enforcing all the considerations which constitute what men of the world denominate honor, impressed on me (as I thought) a peculiar necessity not to decline the call. The ability to be in future useful, whether in resisting mischief or effecting good, in those crises of our public affairs, which seem likely to happen, would probably be inseparable from a conformity with public prejudice in this particular.”

Hamilton's consideration was prioritized for future matters, as he refused to decline the challenge because he was worried of being deemed a coward, and thus when a crisis or his public assistance would be needed, the country would refuse him due to his tainted name. Hamilton also had an appointment with Dirck Ten Broeck scheduled, where he was expecting to go over a legal case at his office later in morning on the day of the duel. Hamilton would not care for any of this if his intent was truly not to survive.

In fact, Hamilton was more prepared to die for other duels he partook in; he even had a will prepared during his confrontation with duel James Nicholson in 1795 after they went through a squabble. Five days later after he finalized that he would meet Nicholson in the field, Hamilton wrote a lengthy letter of instructions to Robert Troup;

“Confiding in your integrity and friendship to me, I have made you Executor of my Will. My concerns are not very extensive and of course will not give you much trouble. Indeed I might have dispensed with the ceremony of making a Will as to what I may myself leave had I not wished that my little property may be applied as readily and as fairly as may be to the benefit of my few Creditors. For after a life of labour, I leave my family to the benevolence of others, if my course shall happen to be terminated here.”

(source — Alexander Hamilton to Robert Troup, [July 25, 1795])

Of course though, he survived. Hamilton had been involved in several other duels prior to the one with Burr - none ever even actually occurred on the field, which was a case for many challenges back then - it is important to note that a majority of duels back then didn't even end in death. For instance, Burr had once dueled Hamilton's brother-in-law, John Barker Church, and the two didn't suffer from any injuries or death. I also don't even think Hamilton thought Burr would shoot him, and gave serious thought to what he would do if Burr insisted on exchanging more than one round of fire.

I also don't think he was that insensitive about how his death would affect his family, most importantly. After watching Angelica's mental well-being distort after Philip's death, and how Elizabeth would struggle terribly without his support — he would have obviously known what that would do for them all, and they seemed to be his highest concern from the minute he was shot to the last hour on his deathbed.

[loreleywrites]

The Gateshead Engine

If you bought the itch.io game bundle for racial justice and inequality a month ago, one of the games it contains is a single-player ttrpg called The Gateshead Engine by Adam Roy (Follow the link to buy and play yourself!)

The basis of the game is simple: It is Victorian England, and you have been commissioned to built a steampunk mech. You flip cards from a tarot deck to give you situations for your diary entries, and you can finish...basically whenever you want.

I enjoyed it greatly, and wanted to publicly share my game. Content warning for a bit of body horror and minor surgical stuff at the end? It’s not like, explicit though. Anyway, I haven’t stretched my horror muscles in a while, and I love how this game started vs where it ended. Hope y’all enjoy!

Starting Questions:

—Who are you, and why did you agree to build the Engine?

I am Loreley Weisel, German thermodynamicist on the brink of bankruptcy. Europe is corrupt, and my will careens towards destruction.

—Who is your patron, and what, if anything, do you know about them? Why did they tell you they wanted the Engine?

My patron is an English aristocrat, Thomas Boroughshire III. All I know is that he has deep pockets and a fascination for thermophysics. He wants my Engine as a mechanical marvel, a party trick for a boy with too many years behind him.

—What is your community like? What do they value and what do they fear?

The community is wealthy. Large estates line a well-kept road. Dogs are bred. Horses are shoed. Foxes are hunted. Gardens beg for release from their clipped restraints. The air itself is made of brick. They value stability, power (or the projection of it), and greed.

—What will the Engine do when it’s completed, and what will it change? (This may shift during play; for now, decide what you think the answer is when you agree to build the Engine.)

My Engine is a herald of death. The aristocracy will be beaten into submission, and England will follow France in the march towards the guillotine.

My Engine:

Diary:

Monday, April 26, 1880—

I do not belong here, in this kingdom, in this estate, in this…garage. Hope’s Paradise is far from the largest house in this community, and His Highness can barely provide enough space for me to work. He does not respect me, nor does his staff. Dinners will be cold on nights I work late. There will be no hot water when I go to draw a bath. They do not want me here.

Fitting enough; I do not wish to dwell here any longer than I have to.

The neighbors are no better. Squire Duncannon of Blah Blah Blah invites me to speak German whenever he harasses me with what he calls conversation, but refuses to use the tongue himself. His wife has never uttered a word beyond her scowl. When I pass by Covington Place, the children stop and watch, twittering among themselves. I wonder what the Duke and Duchess have told them about me. I would not know, for I have never been allowed inside their gates.

England will burn, and this wretched grove of greed will be the tinder.

Wednesday, April 28, 1880—

That godforsaken child has entered my workshop again. Grease smeared all across the floor. Handprints of coal dust cover every box and bench. Every fire hazard should come at the cost of a finger. The little brat will have nubs by week’s end.

Friday, April 30, 1880—

Saturday, May 1

A song. Melancholic, but strong. Thunderous, but ephemeral.

How many hours have slipped by tonight? Dream grips my mind like a starving urchin with hardtack. Maybe these gears and pipes are singing me a lullaby.

Oh for heaven’s sake it’s half two. To sleep with me.

Tuesday, May 4, 1880—

Fucking Third of Family horseshit-brained fool. Every thief with deep pockets thinks themselves a scientist just because they bought opium from one once. I know how to build my Engine. Fuck off with this talk about gas compression. My math is sound, and changing one element means redesigning the entire boiler system.

His Highness has been placated with some minor aesthetic downgrades that better cater to his asinine tastes. For now.

Wednesday, May 5, 1880—

Fucking Third of Family horseshit-brained fool. If it weren’t for the coal dust handprints, I’d think he was the child ransacking my workshop with relentless fervor. Instead, he has simply decided to rearrange my supplies to the garage entrance. My ankle will heal in a few days, but I cannot work on my Engine until it mends. Time is money, and he has more money than I have time.

Sunday, May 9, 1880—

The ankle works.

Monday, May 10, 1880—

His Highness invited his dearest, most important friends to dine in his atrociously cultivated garden. The Wells boy snuck off and found me in my workshop. I have never met another child like him. His curiosity is insatiable, and he knows more about thermodynamics than most learned men I’ve met.

He asked me a question I could not answer: “If this machine is meant for war, how can you fight a navy with it?”

I suppose this will be a larger problem when the revolution hatches from England and threatens the mainland. For now, I must keep focused on this single-minded task. If we make it that far, I will find an answer.

…Perhaps I am naïve and misguided.

Wednesday, May 12, 1880—

The entire community has decided to roll their porcine asses to the south of France for holiday. Such a shame I contracted a bit of a cough and elected to stay here to recover. The travel would have been much too hard on my delicate frame.

Two weeks of uninterrupted work begins tonight.

Friday, May 14, 1880—

For. Fuck’s. Sake.

Her Highness fainted at the pier moments before they were to board a ferry across the Channel. Feared she had come down with the same pestilence I had contracted. Now the entire extended Boroughshire rabble is returning posthaste.

The quiet? Gone. Their need for attention? Only I can sate it. My Engine? Still incomplete, and will be for some time.

If I drown myself in enough whiskey, the mystery of my death should keep their tiny minds occupied for at least a week.

I intend to refill my lamps and work as long as I can tonight. May their arrival home tomorrow wake me at noon for all I care.

Saturday, May 15, 1880—

I was awoken at nine in the morning. Forty minutes of unrestful rest.

Tuesday, May 17 18, 1880—

Knocked the fucking lamp looking for my pen. Lucky I didn’t burn this entire estate to ash.

…Perhaps unlucky.

He even haunts my dreams, touching my Engine and reducing it to rust at the moment that should have been my victory. What Hell of idiocy have I gotten myself into? Fucking aristocrats standing in the way of their own downfall by sheer incompetence. Back to sleep with me.

Tuesday, May 18, 1880 (again)—

I’ve read a number of fascinating papers that I received in the mail today. While I admit I know little of the burgeoning field of electrical engineering, the work being done in the States is fascinating. I intend to take a short trip into London to seek more research (And get a right stein of beer; this house and its occupants are worthless.)

Friday, May 21, 1880 (London)—

I have been granted access to ~~Royal~~ archives. Despite my distaste for locking knowledge away from the public, I am nonetheless grateful for this opportunity. All the kingdom’s brightest minds (what few there are) have recorded years of research on every possible thread of science.

Galvanic principles are fascinating to me. To think, all these thousands of years, we have had electricity inside us! Thoughts percolate, but I do not yet know to what end.

I shall return to the cursed Golden Land in the countryside tomorrow. Between my notes and a few papers, I have been allowed to abscond with, I am reinvigorated with hope for my work.

Saturday, May 22, 1880—

I should extricate and boil every last one of their tongues!

The entire community’s patriarchs were waiting in the living room of Hope’s Paradise (Clearly not my hope.)  Word got out of my project, and every cock-waggling primitive decided that this was a matter that required ending their holiday early. While their offspring splash in the Mediterranean, their sagging eyes are now fixed on that fucking garage.

I don’t know who is merely curious, who else feels inadequate enough to lie about their scientific credentials, or who wants to break my Engine merely because I’m a woman. Too many men in my workshop. Had I less restraint, an axe may have been all I needed to solve this annoyance.

Hopefully the dullards bore sooner than later. I may need to beat Mr. Duncannon with a German dictionary regardless.

Tuesday, June 8, 1880—

Between the constant need to shun nosy men from my workshop and the actual work itself, I have not had the constitution to keep my diary.

But today…ah, today! The control platform appears to be totally functional! I have toiled too long to have failure spring from my fingertips. Rotational velocities are stable, cranks and gears are greased and mobile, the Gatling guns are…gatling.

For the first time since I began my work here, I feel like I have accomplished something great. The aristocracy’s days are numbered.

Monday, June 14, 1880—

Work continues to sap my focus. Boiler…not cooperating. I fear I will lose all the work I’ve done on it due to some unforeseen flaw. A redesign at this stage would be costly, but so would continuing with a faulty boiler. Either way, I’m taking tomorrow off from work to clear my head.

Thursday, June 17, 1880—

Time off has proved productive. I finally finished reading the documents on loan from the ~~Royal~~ archives, and there is a fascinating bit of research by a man by the name of Frankenstein. His work on galvanic sciences from earlier this century are far beyond anything I’ve found from English archives in the last decade. This even only seems to be his initial work; perhaps I can track down his true masterpieces of intellect. Maybe I don’t even need to redesign a boiler…

One blight on my day over lunch: that coal-handed bastard child has returned. I think it’s Constance.

Wednesday, Jun 23, 1880—

The Andersons down the way lost one of their bitches last night. She was a beautiful hound, but her memory will live on in my diary. I wanted some hands-on experience with Frankenstein’s work, so I was able to procure the corpse for a small fee (to His Highness who is paying my bills).

Wondrous! Such are the things I learned. A body, made of muscle, controlled by electricity. I suspect I may need to seek out an anatomist or some other scholar of the biological sciences to continue this research.

My mind is alight with so many ideas…

Wednesday, June 30, 1880—

June ends and takes the boiler with it. My Engine shall have a grand new design. Thomas has been placated by promises of surprise. “The most groundbreaking work in thermodynamics!” I lied. His is a mind easily led astray by spectacle.

Sunday, July 4, 1880—

Constable came round today. Mr. Duncannon hasn’t been seen in three days. He left for an important business meeting in Paris, but missed his boat. Coach is missing too. It’s all very curious. I did everything I could to keep that sniveling pig out of my workshop. Given the way his nose recoiled into his skull, it seems the stench of grease and ozone was enough.

In more academic news, I received notice that more of Victor Frankenstein’s research papers are being released from an archive in Switzerland. I should have them by week’s end. My excitement radiates like the sun.

Friday, July 9, 1880—

Wolfgang. Heinrich. Fuchs.

At my forsaken door. With my forsaken research papers.

How the fuck did he find out I was working on galvanism? Who is he still connected to? Which one of my friends betrayed me (besides him)?

He was in this fucking house asking me fucking questions about my fucking work. Fuck him. He better not stick around. After what he took from me…fuck.

Tuesday, July 13, 1880—

Chaos reigns.

Wolfgang has shacked up with the Andersons. He swings by almost daily. When I’m not actually busy, I try to look it.

Constance has gotten her hands into the coal again (I haven’t disposed of it for appearance’s sake.)

The Duncannons are planning a funeral for…whatever his name was. I don’t think I ever bothered to remember anything about him other than when he would finally leave this hellish corner of England.

Thomas has been migrating in and out of Hope’s Paradise. Something about a trade deal in India. It sounds very important for a man who makes riches off the backs of foreigners.

I could use a big stein at a small biergarten.

Sunday, July 18, 1880—

Widow Duncannon speaks! Her first words spoken to me in the months I’ve resided her are accusations that I have something to do with the death of her husband and his driver. Utter nonsense. The police found the driver at the bottom of a pint in a pub last week. The way gossip echoes around these families, however, I won’t be surprised if they begin to turn on me.

My work must accelerate.

Thursday, July 22nd, 1880—

Widow Duncannon, Duchess Byron. Mrs. Boroughshire. All the Andersons. None of them will speak to me. They glare if they see me, so I try to keep to my room and my workshop as much as possible. I’m lucky Her Highness is so subservient to Thomas. This house would be unbearable if she had any willpower over it.

Tuesday, July 27, 1880—

Celebrations are in order! I have poured over work by Golgi, Frankenstein, and Schwann. Every guide I could find on electrical engineering. Trial after trial, failure after failure. And yet…

And yet.

It’s not that I have hope my Engine will work, it’s that I have knowledge that it will. My designs are so clear to me. My protypes are all working as planned. The path to revolution has been laid out before me. Now it is up to me to walk it.

Tomorrow is the beginning of the end.

Wednesday, July 28, 1880—

Coal hands. Inside my workshop. Inside. My. Workshop. And this time, ha! This time, I have a culprit.

I made it very clear to Constance that she will not be loitering in my laboratory anymore.

Saturday, August 7, 1880—

What have I become?

Why did I begin building my Engine? Something about a war? Who can say. Time marchers onward. My Engine will march with time. Every experiment has made it clearer to me that I have stumbled upon the greatest discovery of this era.

No one celebrates with me. Not Thomas. Not Her Highness. Not Constance, nor the boys, Timothy and Franklin. Even Wolfgang is silent (at last).

The neighbors have stopped visiting. I wave when I pass them by, but they just sneer and hurry past. Finally, I can work in peace and silence. Finally my genius can become reality. Finally all of Europe will know what Loreley Weisel is capable of.

I have become the herald of great change, a conduit of the very building blocks of existence.

Tuesday, August 10, 1880—

A toast to the Duke and Duchess! May their patronage live forever in my greatest work! Soon I hope to bring the Andersons into this project as well.

Wednesday, August 18, 1880—

The Engine lives! The support of this community has been invaluable as the final construction has occurred. Everyone has poured their hearts into my work, and it’s truly a masterpiece that could not have been built alone.

My galvanic calibrations have been finalized. My circuits have been tested. It is nearing time for me to put all of myself into my work. I will see success.

Saturday, August 21, 1880—

The loneliness is getting to me. Not even the dogs bark anymore. I talk to my Engine, but its flesh is silent.

Monday, August 23, 1880—

The constable returned. With six policemen. He had questions about His Highness and the Duke and Duchess and Widow Duncannon. I told him the truth: I could help him find them.

I cooperated.

I have a surplus.

Wednesday, August 25, 1880—

Why shouldn’t I? It worked for them. Shouldn’t it work for me? All the principles are the same. They’re muscle. I’m muscle. They’re electric. I’m electric. Why shouldn’t I be in control?

Thursday, August 26, 1880—

Wolfgang, that bastard! He said he knew everything that I had been up to. That is outrageous! He knows nothing!

I have destroyed my room in rage. Fucking Fuchs! What does he think he knows? Who has he told? I should have killed him. Why didn’t I kill him? He doesn’t deserve it. He doesn’t deserve my creation. He covets it. He wants it for himself. I know it. He got me kicked out of university, he got me run out of Germany. He is jealous. Jealous! He knows I’m better. He knows I’m smarter. He wants what I have, my Engine, my child. He can’t have it. He can’t. He won’t. Where did he go? Fucking Wolfgang I will fucking kill him. He knows nothing. He’s bluffing. He just wants my success. My genius. He is nothing. He will be nothing. Nothing. Nothing. He nothing. Nothing. nothing nothing nothing noth

Sunday, August 29, 1880—

This will be the final entry to my diary. The morning air is heavy with the musk of summer. It’s strange to me how calm I am given what I am about to do.

My Engine has come so far from its days as a sketch on a piece of parchment. Veins of red pulse behind the metal. Sinew, steel, and lightning working in harmony. Every stitch and every suture as perfect as the one before it. So many died for its creation, and so many more will die when I am finished today.

I expected my hand to shake more as I inked the incision lines across my skin. I expected my mind to be foggier as I tried to remember every nerve that would need work. Even the pain I am about to endure has not shaken my resolve.

I am uncertain what the scientific community will think of my work. Of the sacrifices I made. But I have proven a radical truth: All the money in the world does not stop one from being built from the same parts as another. And that’s all we are: Animals with organs and muscles and electricity surging through us. If machines can harness that energy, why can’t we? If new machines can be invented, why not new humans?

All I can hope for now is that my composure holds through the entire procedure. Once I am integrated into my Engine, I will command a mind and body unseen by man. Unparalleled by any of God’s creation. Magnificent in its genius. My genius.

Today I will change humanity forever.

[the-lichemaster]

all the even numbers

Ok then.

2. Outgoing or ShyShy. I making hate eye contact so much I’m eligible for disability benefits.

4. Are you easy to get along with?I think so, as long as your willing to do all the heavy lifting in the conversation department

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?Aggressive brunette women. Or more generally, I like people who have nerdy and weird interests but who aren’t annoying about it and aren’t squares.

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

Judge Judy

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

A homeless guy I met while waiting for the pharmacy to fill my order (he was waiting too). I forget his name, but we talked about waste in capitalism and what our ideal societies would be.

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Answered this one earlier

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

No

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

No.

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

No. I imagine she has forgotten all about me.

20. Do you like your neighbors?

I don’t talk to them, but they seem fine.

22. Where would you like to travel?

Answered this one already

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

Getting drunk

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Curse the day I was born, check email and news on my phone

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

I guess my mum, but really it’s a 7 billion way tie with everyone on earth making me uncomfortable

30. Do you ever want to get married? 

Maybe, although I think if I did it would just to make someone else happy.

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

No. I used to be really into basketball as a kid.

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Oh yeah. Never told any of my crushes really.

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

Funny, patient, pushes me out of my comfort zone, like horror movies and metal music (or at least is tolerant of them), dark hair, fangs, horns, bat wings

40. What do you want to do after high school? 

I graduated from high school over a decade ago. I wanted to go into Graphic Design, but that didn’t work out (turns out I hated sitting in front of computer all day).

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? 

I have nothing to say. I am comfortable in silence.

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

Ocean. No critters to look at in space.

46. What are you paranoid about?

People secretly not liking me. Getting locked out of my apartment (When leaving I’ll check my pockets for my keys like six times).

48. Have you ever been drunk?

I’m drunk right now

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Black

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? 

Pretty much everything except my taste in things. Also bigger dick, obviously.

54. Favourite store?

I like used book stores, but I probably go to the liquor store the most.

56. Favourite colour?

Purple

58. Last thing you ate? 

KFC

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

Not that I can recall, no.

62. Been arrested? For what?

Nope. Too sneaky.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

I was in I THINK 6th grade (maybe 7th). Our class was out camping by a lake (the school I went to would send the 5th, 6th, and 7th grades out to a camp for the last week of school). Her name was Laura, and I don’t really remember the context (it might have just been her goofing around). All I remember is it what by an archery range.

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

Don’t have any real friends, so you guys win by default I guess

68. Twitter or Tumblr? 

I prefer Tumblr but I do have a Twitter, which I mostly use for more political stuff (@jeremyehm if you’re curious). I find Twitter to be really toxic, everyone’s always arguing with each other and being assholes. Plus it’s just an endless cavalcade of bad news.

70. Names of your bestfriends? 

Carling Black Label Supreme and Crown Royal

72. What colour are your towels?

Dark grey. This allows spiders to hide in them easily when they are hanging.

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

Zero.

76. What colour is your underwear?

Blue. The pattern is of a polar bear drinking bear.

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? 

Strawberry

80. What colour pants? 

Dark blue

82. Favourite movie? 

Alien

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? 

Haven’t seen Mean Girls, so 21 Jump Street I guess.

86. Favorite character from Finding Nemo? 

The barracuda who eats Nemo’s mom at the beginning. I don’t watch Pixar movies, I think FInding Nemo was actually the last one I saw.

88. Last person you talked to today? 

The cashier at KFC

90. Name a person you love? 

My mum and dad, I guess

92. In a fight with someone? 

No, and if I got into one I would lose (unless my opponent was like a baby or on crutches or something).

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? 

One hoody that I never wear. Should probably give it away to a homeless shelter now that I think about it.

96. Favourite actress?

Edwige Fenech, or Meiko Kaji

98. Do you tan a lot?

I’m part Irish, Danish and English, so I tend to burst into flames when in direct sunlight rather than tan.

100. How are you feeling? 

Not too bad. A bit gassy.

102. Do you regret anything from your past? 

Mostly everything, yeah.

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

Not really.

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? 

I don’t think so. I remember towards the end of my senior year there was a girl in my grade who, in retrospect, was hitting on me/trying to hang out with me all the time. I was totally clueless and left her hanging, but I imagine I’m easy to get over.

108. What should you be doing? 

Fuck off, it’s my birthday. I’ll do it tomorrow

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? 

Not really no. Crushes are always a little uncomfortable, but since it’s impossible for someone to like me back I can usually just push it to the back of my mind.

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

Therapist

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

I’ve been down to Seattle and Los Angeles before. Never been to another province of Canada though!

116. Are you listening to music right now? 

Yes (listening to the Misfits). Unless I’m watching a movie or sleeping I’m listening to music.

118. Do you like Chinese food?

Love it

120. Are you afraid of the dark? 

No.

122. Is cheating ever okay? 

No

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? 

No.

126. Are you currently bored? 

A little

128. Would you change your name? 

I think I like my current name fine. Unusual without being weird.

130. Do you like subway? 

The sandwich chain? No, it sucks ass.

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 

Hey this is a duplicate question. Nice job, whoever originally posted this.

134. Can you count to one million? 

Yes. I won’t though.

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? 

Closed.

138. Curly or Straight hair? 

Straight, but I don’t really care.

140. Summer or Winter? 

They kinda suck equally, but I guess there isn’t any snow in Summer, so I’ll go with that.

142. Favourite month? 

I’m going to say April or May. Warm and breezy.

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? 

Milk, although I don’t really like sweets.

146. Was today a good day? 

It was pretty good, went to the dispensary, bought a pipe that’s shaped like a wizard.

148. What’s your favourite quote? 

Like this statement from the IRA following a botched assassination attempt on Margaret Thatcher and her cabinet: “Today we were unlucky, but remember we only have to be lucky once. You will have to be lucky always”

I also like a quote from a Maoist responding to Kruschev’s comment that while he was the son of a peasant while the Maoist was from the aristocracy: “We have something in common: we are both traitors to our class.”

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? 

From “The Best Short Stories of J.G. Ballard”: “I’m beginning to realize it was a mistake to put them in there-all those lights blazing down, the huge floors, high walls.”

Whew, that took awhile. Thanks for asking.

[yahoo-roto-arcade-blog]

Shuffle Up: Amari Cooper's almost-touchdown problem

Will Amari Cooper see a touchdown spike in year 3? (AP Photo/Eric Risberg)

Want to make a bunch of strangers upset at you? Rank something.

This time, we’re at the wide receiver position. It’s a deep position, a fun position. And it’s also a damn important one, because more and more leagues are moving towards formats that require 3-4 wideouts, if not more.

The prices you see are not suggested auction prices — those numbers are so room-contextual, it would be a fool’s errand to suggest any one size fits all. The dollar values below are merely used as a way to compare the players and give you a sense of where the tiers lay (in my opinion, anyway); where talent clusters and where it falls off. I also construct each positional Shuffle Up on its own, so don’t bother trying to compare Kelvin Benjamin, say, with Mike Gillislee. That’s not the exercise.

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Players at the same price are considered even. And honestly, a $1-2 difference isn’t a big deal. I’m not going to pretend some lofty level of certainty with these prices when I know what a snow-globe league the NFL is.

Assume a modified PPR scoring system, a half-point per reception (just don’t tell Behrens).

I’ll add commentary Sunday, and reserve the right to change things as the day goes along. Win the debate, win the rank. Oh, and two other things: I love respectful disagreement, but bring a reason; aimless rants are just a waste of time. And remember the golden rule, no player gains or loses a chunk of value simply because you roster him or don’t roster him.

Want to take a shot at my knees? Head over to Twitter and let me know what you think: @scott_pianowski. And if you want to hear Michael Salfino and I argue about receivers (okay, some agreement too), you can listen here.

Tier 1  $46 Antonio Brown $44 Odell Beckham

If you’re a little concerned about Ben Roethlisberger and wanted to flip these two guys, I wouldn’t argue with you. My Top 4 for most of the season (all positions) has been DJ, Bell, Brown, Beckham. I’m thrilled to draft any in that group, and view the Top 4 slots an advantage, perhaps an unfair advantage, in a standard league. I remain shocked more people don’t want to auction.

Tier 1A $41 Mike Evans $40 Julio Jones $39 A.J. Green $36 Jordy Nelson $35 Michael Thomas

Initially I had Evans and Jones even, but with Evans being younger and Jones being a little TD-allergic for his career, I decided on a slight separation . . . Don’t sweat the historical target trends with the Saints; you don’t need silly volume to go off in the Drew Brees pinball offense. Thomas is a high-floor pick around the 1-2 turn.

Tier 2 $32 Doug Baldwin $32 Dez Bryant $31 Amari Cooper $30 Brandin Cooks $28 Demaryius Thomas

I’m torn on Cooper’s fantasy value, and it pains me to say that. He just turned 23 in mid-June, and he’s off to a historically great start. Since the merger, only eight wideouts have more receiving yards in their first two seasons than Cooper’s 2,223. It’s a list covered in glory: Beckham, Moss, Rice, Josh Gordon (oh, what could have been), Holt, Green, Evans, Colston. All names you know by heart, fantasy-era gods.

Alas, Cooper has scored just 11 touchdowns in his two seasons, and he’s been a dud close to the goal line. In his rookie year, he didn’t even draw a target inside the 10-yard line. Last year he had seven looks, none of them for completions. Let’s say this again for emphasis — Cooper still doesn’t have a single catch inside the 10-yard line for his career (though he has caught a pair of conversion flips).

The goal-line disconnect is a few things; partly, it’s a desire not to change what’s working. The Raiders have a terrific boundary receiver in Michael Crabtree, and he’s outscored Cooper the last two years. Is there any great incentive to change what’s not broken? Cooper’s TD count has also been dogged by some bad luck, a toe out of bounds here, a long-score overturned there. If you’ve lived and died with him through two years, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Although I’m open-minded to taking Cooper at many portions of the second round, perhaps the strongest reason to pass on him is so you can remain open to perhaps selecting the unheralded value, Crabtree, in the fourth or perhaps even the fifth round.

If you’ve missed my ongoing love letter to Doug Baldwin, it’s right here . . . How you view Demaryius Thomas probably comes down to how you view Trevor Siemian, who is close to locking up the Denver QB job. I think Siemian has a chance to at least be competent — I didn’t want to see Lynch in there — and heck, the worst Thomas has done in five years is last year’s 90-1083-5. He’s just 28. I think there’s a sturdy floor here.

Tier 3 $25 Terrelle Pryor $24 T.Y. Hilton $21 Davante Adams $21 DeAndre Hopkins $19 Allen Robinson $19 Michael Crabtree $19 Tyreek Hill $19 Golden Tate $18 Emmanuel Sanders $18 Keenan Allen

Everyone has to decide for themselves if Allen is more injury prone or injury unlucky (we talked a lot about that on the Breakfast Table Wideout Podcast) . . . This price seems like a steal on Hilton if you’re willing to be optimistic about Andrew Luck’s injury and 2017 upside. I’m not, so I’m basically slotting Hilton at a price where I’ll never get him . . . This price will probably keep Hopkins and Robinson off your teams, which is a great idea if you’ve the Jacksonville QB depth chart or Deshaun Watson’s summer tape. Both of these teams will try to win with defense and a hide-the-quarterback offense. Houston might get away with it; Jacksonville probably isn’t ready yet.

Tier 4 $17 Willie Snead $17 Jamison Crowder $16 Jarvis Landry $16 Larry Fitzgerald $15 Julian Edelman $15 Kelvin Benjamin $15 Alshon Jeffery $15 Stefon Diggs $14 Martavis Bryant $13 Sammy Watkins

There are some interesting beauty/beholder picks here, if you’re willing to be open-minded. Snead probably won’t run as a “starter” but he’ll be on the field enough for me to consider him late-fourth or early-fifth; he’s a steal in the sixth. Pundits are running so fast from Landry, he’s starting to become one of those boring-floor veterans. Not all of your picks need to be screaming with hair-on-fire upside. Benjamin’s weight was a problem in the spring but he looks fine now.

Tier 5 $12 Tyrell Williams $11 Pierre Garcon $11 Cameron Meredith $10 DeSean Jackson $10 Kenny Britt $9 Adam Thielen $9 Rishard Matthews

Here’s the thing with some of the good-player, bad-team receivers like Garcon and Meredith and Britt: I love them if they’re all-upside pieces on my roster, players I don’t necessarily need to count on right away. In other words, if you have at least three wide receivers ahead of them, you should be fine. I am not comfortable selecting them at a position where I need them to be good. All three of these guys have flags to begin with, and then we have to consider the limited upside of their quarterbacks (to be fair on Brian Hoyer, his durability concerns me more than anything; his talent is fine, and I like the Kyle Shanahan pairing) . . . Williams and Matthews are monstrous ADP wins if they produce anything close to last year’s numbers, but that’s a little bit of a cheat. The position looks overly stacked this year because we have a handful of key injury returnees who demanded key ranks, and some other ascending players who have drafters excited. And obviously Williams has to deal with Allen’s return, while Matthews all of a sudden finds himself on a crowded Tennessee depth chart. I still like them as reasonable WR4s, and sometimes you’re lucky to slot them one spot lower than that. We don’t have to dream of the upside, we saw it last year, especially in the second half . . . I like Diggs just fine, but similar to the Cooper-Crabtree issue, I’d like to skip Diggs — unless I love the price — so I can keep myself open to Thielen later. Thielen’s efficiency metrics were out of this world last year, and the Vikings paid him like a key contributor.

Tier 6 $8 Devante Parker $8 Randall Cobb $8 Eric Decker $8 Jeremy Maclin $7 Donte Moncrief $7 Brandon Marshall $6 Marvin Jones $6 Robby Anderson $5 Corey Coleman $5 John Brown

There’s zero downfield component to Cobb’s game, and the team has plenty of options for the things he’s good at. I’ll take him at my price, not at an aggressive price . . . I wasn’t optimistic about Hilton because of Luck; Moncrief’s depressed price is tied to Moncrief’s long-running efficiency problems . . . The Jets will have a mess at quarterback all year, but Anderson has such a high volume upside now that Quincy Enunwa is hurt, he’s worth a dart throw once you have your starters squared away.

Tier 7 $4 Mike Wallace $4 Devin Funchess $4 Tyler Lockett $4 Jordan Matthews $3 Sterling Shepard $3 Cole Beasley $3 Kenny Stills $3 Ted Ginn $3 Josh Doctson $3 Corey Davis $2 Allen Hurns $2 Robert Woods $2 J.J. Nelson $2 Cooper Kupp $2 Paul Richardson $2 Taylor Gabriel $2 Travis Benjamin

I see the case for Funchess but I’m uncomfortable chasing it; the Panthers have three pass-catchers clearly ahead of him on the food chain, plus Cam Newton will still run in a few . . . Ginn would get a tier bump if you’re thinking about best-ball leagues, but he’s tricky to trust in standard formats because there’s generally no rhyme or reason to when his breakouts come. To some extent, the entire position is boom-or-bust, but he’s on the extreme side. We don’t mind in best ball, but this is a problem in seasonal.

Everyone Else $1 Malcolm Mitchell $1 Jaron Brown $1 Kenny Golladay $1 Anquan Boldin $1 Zay Jones $1 Chris Hogan $1 John Ross $1 Chris Conley $1 Tavon Austin $1 Torrey Smith $1 Marqise Lee $1 Kevin White $1 Nelson Agholor $0 Tyler Boyd $0 Eli Rogers $0 Will Fuller $0 Mike Williams $0 Breshad Perriman $0 Josh Gordon $0 Mohamed Sanu $0 Terrance Williams $0 Marquise Goodwin $0 Kamar Aiken

I wanted to have Mitchell in the higher group, but he’s been dinged this summer and there’s so much gridlock ahead of him . . . I’ll believe the sunshine when I see it with Agholor. The only Eagle I’m drafting proactively is Zach Ertz . . . Lee would be $4-5 if healthy . . . White’s on his third rookie season and he still doesn’t have any of the nuances of the position down. Terrific athlete, but doesn’t look like a football player. I’ll throw my dart elsewhere.

[3rdmanin]

Why Caps Fans Should Chill Out

Caps are the worst team to ever exist and they are going nowhere this postseason as usual. Or that’s what you would guess once hearing the loud grumbling of Caps fans after the Caps dropped their 4th straight loss last night in Anaheim. The funny thing is if you went to every team’s fan base and said, “Your team just lost 4 straight” their reaction would probably be, “That sucks, but it happens.” Issue with Caps fans is we have been incredibly spoiled over these last 3 years since Trotz has taken over; Caps haven’t lost 4 games straight in nearly two and half years (November of 2014)! That’s amazing and the fact that it has happened means nothing for the Caps future. Teams lose, sometimes consecutively, it’s not fun but it happens. Move on.  But still, Caps fans are concerned that the team that has been so dominant all season is just going to disappear before the playoffs because of the poor record since their week off. Let’s take a closer look at that record and dive into the numbers.

The Caps are 5-6-1 since the break with 4 of those regulation losses coming in the last 4 games. When the Caps have at least a days rest they are 5-3-0 and those 3 losses to who and why are very important. They lost to DAL, SJS, and LA in LA. News alert: Caps always lose to those teams. That certainly isn’t an excuse, but seriously, in the regular season we are terrible against those teams.

-Against DAL since 2000: 4-17 which includes a 10+ year stretch of losing at home to them. -Against SJS since 2000: 3-22... my gosh. -Against LA in LA since 2000: 3-9 and 0-6 in the last 7 years.

So yeah, maybe it isn’t the Caps are playing poor but that curses are just doing their thing. Caps dominated DAL (44-22 in shots), outplayed LA (2 inner posts and 2 open net misses), and lost the special teams battle (3 PP goals against) to a SJS team that has a poor PP unit. Caps fans shouldn’t be looking at these 4 losses (including ANA) and losing hope. We sees those teams twice a year and more than likely won’t see any in the playoffs.

And the 3 other losses the Caps have suffered since the break are the back end of back to backs against playoffs teams: NYR, NSH, and ANA. All 3 of those games were played less than 24 hours before their last game and all with travel and were away games. So Caps played rested, playoff caliber teams while very, very tired and away, so I wouldn’t look too much into those games.

But back to the Caps record in games in which there is some rest (not including after the 3 breaks). From the beginning of the season to now they have an outrageous record of 39-10-3 and that includes the recent curse stretch. That means, with rest, Caps win 3 out of 4 games. And if you look even closer at games with just 1 days rest before them, their record is a mind boggling 28-4-2. Why is this important? Because the playoffs very rarely have back to back games and most are played with 1 days break between games. With rest and more importantly just 1 days rest, the Caps hit a sweet spot and play their best hockey then and are purely dominant.

The good news is the next 7 games all have rest in between them with only 3 games without rest after that, but in those 3 games 2 are home and only 1 is against a playoff team. And of the last 14 games of the season 7 are with only 1 days rest. Wouldn’t be surprised at all if Caps get back into their usual winning groove with this proper schedule and roll into the playoffs playing great hockey as they usually do. Though it won’t be easy as the Caps still have to play 9 playoff teams with TBL and FLA who aren’t playoff teams but still very dangerous. 

via Japers’ Rink

You can also count the Caps as quite unlucky since the their required break. Up until the break they had a shooting percentage in all situations at 11.17%, that’s good for 2nd in the league. But since then they are shooting a measly 7.55% good for 22nd in the league. Same goes for their shooting percentage at 5v5: they went from 10.04% (1st) to 7.58% (15th).The Caps PDO was insanely high before the break at 104 so it was bound to come down, but what you have been seeing from the Caps recently isn’t where they should be. Basically they might not be as good as they were before the break but they also aren’t nearly as bad as what they have played recently. 

Now, this doesn’t mean there aren’t concerns as all teams have. Caps continue to take boneheaded offensive zone penalties that kill their momentum; they also have yet to put together proper line combinations after their usual ones went stale; their special teams have been slowly declining; and Ovechkin can’t seem to buy a goal. But there are 14 games left in the season so with some better luck and a somewhat more ordinary schedule the Caps should be able to get back on track and dominant once again.