#26 years without love understanding and hope for the future in this country or whatever

[baka-liprikon]

happy b-day to me

[petri808]

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33-Epilogue

Neither Lucy nor Natsu sat through the closing arguments, but according to Gajeel the defense stood firmly on their case for insanity. Touka’s attorney argued that his client suffered from a disorder that should put her in a hospital for treatment, not a jail cell, and not only that, but the so-called victims in the case drove her to do what she did. It was a very risky move to blame the victims. Of course, the prosecution countered that not only did Touka not suffer from any condition but that this was a simple case of jealousy gone wrong. Natsu and Lucy were innocent victims of a selfish woman who tried to kill them. Period, and for that she should go to prison for the maximum sentence allowed.

The prosecutor implored to the jurors heartstrings. “You saw the effects that Ms. Shiromajyo caused to her victims. The tears shed on the stand and the genuine fear in Ms. Heartfilia’s testimony as she recounted the events in question. Ladies and gentlemen, this young woman stared death in the face and watched her boyfriend almost get killed by the defendant. They had to fight to survive! Ms. Heartfilia and Mr. Dragneel have experienced something that no one should ever go through.” He gestured at the timeline board facing them. “Ms. Shiromajyo stalked multiple people over the course of several years to reach her goal, intimidating people that really had nothing to do with her. Ms. Shiromajyo paid a person to kill Ms. Strauss, threatening and intimidating her. And most of all, ultimately took this whole situation into her own hands when all of her efforts didn’t work out. She is a danger to society. I urge you, the jury to give her victims the peace of mind that she’ll be off the streets in a cell getting the treatment that she needs, and the punishment she deserves.”

It was a nerve wracking time for the victims as they waited outside of the court room for the jury to deliberate. Lucy and Natsu stayed in a side room with the prosecutor along with their closest friends and family there to support them. The prosecutor assured them that they’d done their best and the odds were in their favor. But of course, it only took one hold out to cause a mistrial, and Lucy didn’t know if she could go through this again. She was already unhappy that even if convicted, Japan’s sentencing structures were not as stringent as other countries.

The jury deliberated for four hours before reaching a verdict pronouncing Touka guilty of all charges. Upon hearing the guilty decision, Lucy and Natsu slipped back into the court room to hear the final disposition.

“Rise Ms. Shiromajyo.” The judge then read the decision to the standing defendant. “You have been found guilty by this court of two counts of attempted murder that caused injury. One count of kidnapping for profit. And three counts of intimidation. Do you have any last statement to make to the court before I render sentencing?”

Touka hung her head as if resigned to her fate. “Yes...” Surprisingly, to all those in the courtroom, she apologized for her actions. “I see now how much pain I caused to everyone because I couldn’t control myself and I hope one day they’ll forgive me for it.”

But her words of contrition were too little, too late. The judge sentenced Touka to the maximum of the highest offense, which was 15 years with work, but instead of the work condition, imposed a special circumstance that Touka be ordered to undergo mandatory psychological treatment while in custody and to adhere to any treatments and medications prescribed for her own good.

“Ms. Shiromajyo,” the judge spoke directly to the woman. “You’ve apologized at the end, but I hope you truly feel that way. Based on all of the evidence presented in court, your actions were clearly towards a one-sided love affair with a man who wanted nothing to do with you, and for that you tried to punish an innocent woman who got in your way. I do not believe, and the jury agreed, that you do not suffer from a legal defense of mental defect, however you should spend the time in prison to get your mind right again, so that when you re-enter society in the future, you’ll no longer suffer from whatever emotional problems brought you here in the first place. You are very lucky that I cannot under the law sentence you to concurrent sentences for every single charge. Bailiff, take custody of the prisoner. This case is adjourned.”

As the final gavel bang echoed in the court room, Natsu and Lucy who’d made it in time to hear it all, broke down in tears and elation as the court room erupted in cheers around them. A rarity for the poised population. This case was certainly anything but common for Japan, especially because the perpetrator was a woman and journalists had kept the public up to date with its progress. A lot of people were affected by this case personally, but the fear of what Touka had done rang cold for onlookers too. For the public, the idea that someone you may know could harbor ill will and do something this heinous was a scary proposition.

While the case was now over, Lucy knew her own struggles with anxiety were not, despite the tiny relief she’d felt in hearing the words guilty. She’d made it through the trial by sheer determination, but the experience had set her back in her progress. Reliving all the worst events and being grilled by the defense had re-traumatized her. Not all the way regressed, but the nightmares were back anew, starting immediately after her recall testimony.

It wasn’t just the old memories that haunted Lucy, but a new, troubling thought brought out during that testimony. When the defense attorney tried to make her think she was just as bad as Touka, there was a point when she thought... was it true? And the more she pondered, the worst the correlation became despite her loved ones conviction that she was nothing like the woman. Because... why not? If Touka’s deluded mind really believed she was protecting what was hers, well isn’t that the same logic Lucy used to defend herself and Natsu? Then there was the rage she’d felt. Was the attorney, right? If Natsu hadn’t stopped her from beating the woman, would she have killed Touka? Did that mean she had a killer instinct too?

All the publicity surrounding the trial didn’t help one bit. Just trying to get out of the court room after the verdict had been a complete circus of cameras flashing and microphones being shoved in the couples faces wanting their opinions of the verdict. Oh, how Lucy wanted to scream in their faces! How do they think they’d feel?! Yes, it felt great to be vindicated, but 15 years for almost killing them? Where were their assurances that when Touka was released, she wouldn’t pick right back up where she’d left off and hunt them down?

All these irrational thoughts fueling the new regression were different from before. Lucy didn’t feel as anxious. She was a little depressed, but now she was also— angry.

When she arrived at her therapy session without Natsu, Lucy sat on the couch facing the woman with her arms crossed. The therapist was quick to note the way in which she was holding her poise because it wasn’t a comforting arm cross, but a firm one. The muscles in her forearms were tense along with the tight lipped and brows furrowed expression gracing Lucy’s face.

“Well, this is certainly new,” the woman put her notebook down as she spoke. “Something has changed, shall we talk about it?”

Lucy’s hands clenched firmly as her eyes look away slightly. “I had a small argument with Natsu this morning.”

“I get the impression it wasn’t small.”

“Okay! It was a big fight! Happy?!” Lucy’s arms unfurled and gesticulated. “I don’t even know why it got out of hand, but it did.”

“Tell me what happened and let’s figure it out together.”

“Tch,” Lucy crossed her arms again and looked away. “I woke up from a nightmare. He started comforting me like he al—ways does, and I told him to stop. But he didn’t.”

“Why’d you tell him to stop?”

“I don’t know... I was just, irritated.”

“With him?”

“Yes... No— both, I don’t fucking know! Just pissed off, okay?! I was just angry and didn’t wanna be bothered!”

“I see... and how did Natsu react?”

“He, well, um,” Lucy’s shoulders dropped a bit. “He just said okay, I’ll give you space if you want it and left the bedroom. And we haven’t spoken since then.”

“It sounds like Natsu respected your wishes to back off. But why is that making you so angry?”

The therapists question brought instant tears pooling in Lucy’s eyes. She knew why, but she didn’t know why, and holding it in was tearing her apart. But she also didn’t know how to articulate all of the random thoughts plaguing her in a way that made sense. So, at that moment she just broke. Through fitful sobs the cacophony of broken, fragmented thoughts spewed out in no logical manner. Lucy just spoke every word and sentence that came to mind as the therapist sat quietly listening.

This was her first session since the trial had ended, so all of the wounds were painfully fresh. Shouldn’t she be happy it was over? They were free for now and it was time to move forward but all she could think about were the things the attorney had said. And that made her angry with herself. Lucy’s always thought she was so much stronger, yet this experience or rather the effects left her feeling lost and broken, and weak. Even more infuriating for her, she knew these thoughts were completely irrational! It’s one thing to not understand, it’s another to know how stupid it sounded and not be able to fight back against it. Weak. That’s what it made her feel. Stupid and weak for losing herself. They may have won against Touka, but Touka had taken something away and Lucy feared she’d lost it forever.

Who she was.

The therapist moved over to the couch and hugged tightly to a sobbing Lucy, stroking her hair and cradling her head. Comforting in silence allowed the blonde to just cry, as hard as she needed to and release everything that had been held inside where it shouldn’t stay. When the tears slowed, and Lucy’s breathing had the normalized, the therapist spoke softly.

“You’re not broken, Lucy, and you’re not dumb. You’re rightfully in pain after everything you’ve experienced, and that’s okay too.”

“How is that okay?” Lucy sniffled. “It shouldn’t be okay!”

“It’s not fair what you had to endure but being upset and feeling pain because of it means you’re human. Even the anger is a good feeling right now.”

Lucy snorts an annoyed laugh at such a ridiculous sounding statement. Anger being, okay?!

“There are positives we can take from this.”

Again, Lucy huffs. “Yeah, right. That makes a lot of sense.”

The therapist pulls back and settles into a more professional pose to continue. “Your anger means you care. Think about it, if you didn’t care, you wouldn’t get angry, right?”

“I guess...”

“In all these months, this is the first time I am seeing a deep passion coming from you. Lucy you aren’t really lost, and this anger are those feelings screaming ‘I’m still here!’ You can use that same energy to push forward.”

“But what about Natsu?” Lucy’s eyes cloud up. “I think I really made him mad a-and I don’t want to lose him.”

“Did he come with you today?”

“Yeah, he’s in the waiting room.” Lucy mumbled through a frown. “But I think he just came cause he felt obligated.”

The therapists eyes softened along with her tone. “I have a feeling that’s not the case. He might feel hurt and confused right now, but I’m sure he still loves you deeply. Maybe we should bring him in here and talk things over? That way I can help you through it.”

Lucy paused for a moment before nodding weakly. “I’d like that.”

The therapist brought Natsu into the room and as soon as he saw the puffy red eyes and Lucy’s disheveled appearance immediately stumbled over and hugged onto her with tears of his own flowing down, apologizing over and over for upsetting her that morning.

Although Lucy stiffened up at first when he’d hugged her in fear of what he might say, his words instead stunned her. All along she’d felt the fight was her fault, not his. She’d been the bitch to him and now his pain brought her tears back along with a loss of her anger. “It’s not your fault,” she hugged him back. “I was angry with myself and took it out on you. That wasn’t fair.”

“But I shouldn’t have walked away like I did.”

“No,” Lucy exhaled, “you did the right thing. I... I needed something to wake me up.”

Natsu pulled back in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Lucy smiled weakly. “Coming here mad, I couldn’t hide it so she made me talk about it. Now I see how that needed that to happen and I feel a lot better because of it. I was just worried you’d hate me for the way I acted.”

“I could never hate you,” Natsu smiled and cupped Lucy’s cheeks. “I told you, you’re stuck with me.”

By that point, the therapist had gone back to her own chair and with the session almost over for that day, addressed the couple together. “Lucy right now I think you are at a very good point in your progress. Your anxiety had gotten better, the depression is still there, but it’s not as debilitating as it was before, so now it’s time to take the next step in the healing process. You’d mentioned wanting going back to school and the next semester starts in a month. Perhaps it’s time to consider going back?”

“I-I don’t know if I could handle full time...”

“Maybe reach out to the school and see if they’ll work with you on a modified schedule?”

“I guess I could...”

“And I’ll help you,” Natsu added on as he squeezed Lucy’s hand. “They’ve been really supportive so far.”

Lucy let out a long exhale. “Okay. I’ll give it a shot.”

“I’ve got another suggestion too,” Natsu added. “If you get angry, you could take it out with a physical sport or something.”

“That’s actually a good outlet,” the therapist agreed. “Is there anything you’re interested in?”

“Um...” Lucy thought about for a couple minutes. “I thought about taking self-defense classes.”

“That would be cool! Maybe we can go together?”

“I’d really, really like that.” And first time in a long time, Lucy truly meant it.

[warofroyalsrpg]

— ♔ In the past, people were born royal and for GREER CATRÌONA STUART the TWENTY FOUR-year-old PRINCESS of SCOTLAND, that is a tradition SHE intend/s to keep. To others, SHE looks an awful lot like KATIE STEVENS and has/have been painted as DAMAGED GOODS but behind closed doors, SHE is/are ANXIOUS AND VAIN but also GENEROUS AND DEVOTED. It has also been said they are BETROTHED to ANY FITTING MALE FC. (gracie/26/est/she/her)

Welcome Princess Greer Stuart, we hope you enjoy your stay and represent your country of Scotland well! The fc of Katie Stevens and the country of Scotland are now taken! Please check out the checklist and send in your account within twenty-four hours.

What is your character’s gender?: cis gender female

Are you filling a wanted connection? If so, which one?: Duncan Stuart’s youngest sister

Please provide three headcanons about your character:

Headcanon One - Greer idolizes her older brother, and followed him to St. Andrews University where she almost obtained a degree in Classical Studies. She loved school, and excelled at it - her obsessive nature serving her well in the study of dead languages. After being rescued from the kidnapping, Greer wanted to go back to school but ultimately couldn’t handle it. She has continued studying on her own.

Headcanon Two - Greer was part of the group of royals who was kidnapped and is haunted by this trauma. It has brought out the worst in her, a mean streak unexpected from the youngest Scottish royal. They were rescued, naturally, and the rebels all executed - and everyone seemed to think that was it. No one wanted to help her deal with the trauma and the expectations of being gracious and perfect. Grief and pain should be beautiful, a performance for the people and the world. We are stronger than you, the monarchy urges, we will not be brought down by setbacks. But the world isn’t there when the nightmares strike, when the walls become to oppressive and memory grips a tight fist around her lungs so that she has to run from whatever room until she can see the sky and feel the air. Greer internalizes her trauma, builds up that hard glossy armor.  

Headcanon Three - Greer has an obsessive nature. She gets deeply invested in whatever her particular fancy is that day. She’s taught herself latin this way, spent an entire summer in her thirteenth year following the Minister of War around the castle with incessant questions about tactics. Her family dismisses these obsessions as her whims, but Greer is careful to store this information away in case she needs it.

Please provide two or more connection ideas for your character:

Connection One - Hostage Buddy - one of the other royals who was kidnapped along with Greer, they became particularly close in response to the trauma and have almost a codependent relationship. This can go many ways depending on who/what it is! Maybe this person is a really good influence on Greer and is trying to help her cope with things in a healthy way! Maybe its a toxic kinda thing, where they just enable each others worst habits and vices! Anyway we want a complicated relationship born of hardship and trauma pretty please

Connection Two - Betrothed - this match was made after she was rescued in an attempt by her parents to prove to the world/media that all was well. (Tiktok vc: fuck u my child is completely fine) I would like to think even though Greer resented the lack of choice and is distinctly Not fine, she begrudgingly likes/enjoys (Narrator: Could it be the first stirrings of love?) her future partner. He would know more about her and her trauma/darkness than most, but tries to understand, and helps her keep up the mask of propriety. Maybe this person is trying to make her a better person, or maybe they encourage it - at the very least they call her on her shit

Connection Three - Tutor/trainer - Greer has an obsessive nature (see above) and would seek out anyone who knows something unique or with a rare specialty and pester them until they agree to teach her about it. This person could be an actual tutor or not. She’d specifically seek out someone to teach her self defense, especially now that she’s away from her comfort zone. But really anything interesting she’d obsess over for a bit until she got bored or found a new interest.

Please answer the following questions IC:

What is one thing you are proud of/love about your country?

“Hmm?” The princess looked up, startled by the sudden question then frowned slightly. “We are resilient, stubborn. Despite everything we’ve kept our spirit & identity,” she sounded almost wishful instead of proud. “And the land, it’s hard to explain, really, but it feels like a part of us, a living thing with a personality to match the wildness of the landscape.”  

What is the most important thing in your suitcase?

“My grandfather’s watch,” Greer answered promptly, right hand moving almost unconsciously to trace the heavy gold face & supple leather around her wrist. “It was a wedding present from my grandmother, and has their names engraved on the back of it, she gave it to me when he died,” the princess smiled sadly, “I was always his favorite, I think.”

Who and/or what will you miss most from home?

“I miss feeling comfortable and safe,” she bit down on her bottom lip for a moment, letting her fear show through the armor for a second. “And all of the family pets, my brother has dogs and so does my father, it’s strange to be in a place without animal companions, it feels colder almost.”

[pamphletstoinspire]

A Great Catch: The 153 Fish

“I welcome you on the eve of a great battle.” So began General Dwight D. Eisenhower on May 15, 1944, solemnly addressing the admirals and generals and officers of the Allied Expeditionary Force, announcing the proposed strategy for Operation Overlord, codename for the Normandy invasion. Underestimated as an orator, Eisenhower’s speech riveted the attention of all in the tense atmosphere. The location was an unlikely one: a lecture hall of Saint Paul’s School in London. The boys had already been evacuated to Berkshire during the Blitz. The top brass, who had arrived from the advance command post of the Supreme Headquarters of the Allied Forces at Southwick House in Hampshire, were seated on school chairs, with two armchairs occupied by King George VI and Prime Minister Winston Churchill. General Bernard Montgomery, the future Field Marshall, brought out his maps to show the British and American positions. The school served as headquarters of the XXI Army Group under Montgomery, and he felt at home there because he was an Old Pauline. Planning took place in the office of his old Headmaster, or High Master, which was the title used from the day of the school’s foundation in 1509 by John Colet.

As a close friend of Erasmus, and an even closer spiritual advisor to Thomas More, Colet was the epitome of a Renaissance humanist, laden with learning he had brought back from France and Italy for lectures in his own university at Oxford. More lured him back to his birthplace of London where his father had been a rich merchant and twice Lord Mayor. As Dean of Saint Paul’s cathedral, Colet put his reforming principles to work with eloquent imprecations against the pride, concupiscence, covetousness, and worldly absorptions that had tainted the priesthood. Archbishop Warham of Canterbury dismissed frivolous charges of heresy brought against Colet by offended clerics. Colet’s combination of charm and audacity engendered the respect even of Henry VIII, despite his bold preaching against the king’s French wars. As a priest with no children of his own, and no nieces or nephews because all twenty-two of his siblings had died in childhood, Colet devoted much of his inherited fortune to founding Saint Paul’s school for teaching 153 boys literature, manners, and, with Renaissance flair, Greek on a par with Latin. Erasmus said that when Colet lectured he thought he was hearing a second Plato. If so, his Platonism was Christian. He wanted a great catch, similar to the 153 fish that the apostles had hauled in at the command of the Risen Christ. The boys would be welcome “from all nations and countries indifferently.”

The catch was great indeed, and since then the school has turned out graduates including, just for starters: John Milton, Samuel Pepys, John Churchill, G.K. Chesterton, three holders of the Victoria Cross, and the astronomer for whom Halley’s comet is named — all rising from the first 153.

Exegetes, sometimes with too much time on their hands, and even earnest saints, have teased 153 and other numbers into signifying possibly more than their meaning. Jerome tried to find some significance in the fact that the second-century Greco-Roman poet Oppian listed 153 species of fish in his 3,500 verses about fishing, the “Halieutica,” dedicated rather sycophantically to the emperor Marcus Aurelius and his son Commodus. Of course, Oppian was wrong in his counting; besides, he wrote after the compilation of the Gospel. Augustine found that 153 is the sum if the first seventeen integers, which may reveal nothing more than his skill at arithmetic. In his devotion to the Rosary, Louis de Montfort found something prophetic between the catch of Galilean fish and the sum of fifteen decades of Hail Mary’s plus the first three beads.

There may be no end to such agile mental exercises, and I once wrote a book — Coincidentally — rather whimsically illustrating how it is possible to detect endless matrices if you try hard enough. For example, faddish New Age fascination with the esoteric numerology of Kabbalah cultism can strain minds. It may not have been a helpful influence on the popular singer who gave millions of dollars to a Kabbalah institute and recently was confined to a mental health facility purportedly against her will. Carl Jung wrote at some length about what he termed “synchronicity” and warned that an obsession with “acausal principles” could unbalance reason. Yet even a detached observer might pause at the fact that the Sacred Tetragrammaton appears 153 times in Genesis.

The point here is that there are many levels of meaning in divine revelation that may be clues to the operation of Divine Providence. “For I know the plans that I have for you, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope” (Jer. 29:11). Even our limited mathematics may articulate something of the symmetry by which the pulse of Creation may be taken: “‘To whom then will you compare Me, or who is My equal?’ says the Holy One. Lift up your eyes on high, and behold who has created these things, who brings out their host by number” (Is. 40:25). Perception of this saves the saints from madness and inspires them to awe.

Contemplation of the unity of the True God and True Man encounters layers of reality beyond the comprehension of human intelligence. Nonetheless, we can perceive the existence of those dimensions. A “Participatory Anthropic Principle,” first forwarded by John A. Wheeler, suggests that the universe is structured with a set of physical constants or “cosmic coincidences” without which there would be no intelligent life on Earth, and that it is only by participating in that structure by rational perception that the constants or coincidences have their potency. So there may be in those 153 fish the Voice saying: “I have yet many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now” (John 16:12).

It would be a mistake to suppose that the apostles went back to fishing in disobedience to the Master’s command years before that they drop their nets and follow him. Christ is the Alpha and Omega, meaning that he is able to know everything from start to finish at the same time. Before the Resurrection, Jesus told the apostles that they would meet a man in Jerusalem carrying a pitcher of water, from whom they would rent an Upper Room: “So they went and found it just as Jesus had told them (Luke 22:13).” Thus he was also able to “set up” his men, ordering them to go to the Sea of Tiberius, knowing what he had prepared for them there, in order to instruct them.

In his humanity he did a domestic thing in cooking breakfast. In his divinity he predicted what the apostles would become. Whatever else may be encoded in the number 153, the fact is that this event happened, for had it been an oriental myth there would have been a million fish. This number was a detail never to be forgotten. Even when the youngest of them, the cadet of the Twelve, was the last to survive and his mind was weary with age, he said with a thrill like that of a youth: “That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked upon, and our hands have handled, of the Word of life” (1 John 1:1).

There is one thing we know that prevents miniaturizing Christ as the best of men but only a man: “For in Him all things were created, things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities. All things were created through Him and for Him. He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together” (I Col. 16-17). In him was an urgent appeal to the intellect, which for the Jew was a function of love and not confined to the brain, as is clear in the Resurrection appearance to Cleopas and his companion on the Emmaus road: “O foolish ones, how slow are your hearts to believe all that the prophets have spoken. Did not the Messiah have to suffer these things and then enter his glory?” (Luke 24:25-26). Here was the culmination of his earlier rabbinical catechesis: “‘Do you have eyes but fail to see, and ears but fail to hear? And don’t you remember? When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many basketfuls of pieces did you pick up?’ ‘Twelve,’ they replied. ‘And when I broke the seven loaves for the four thousand, how many basketfuls of pieces did you pick up?’ They answered, ‘Seven.’ He said to them, ‘Do you still not understand?’” (Mark 8: 18–21).

The unseen calculus that fascinated Oppian when counting fish in coastal Cilicia much more amazed William Blake when describing an imagined “Tyger” which certainly was not rampant in London: “What immortal hand or eye / Could frame thy fearful symmetry?” If there is substance to some anthropic principle in the play of numbers, it is found in the fact that after the 153 fish had been dragged to shore, a small fire was burning as Jesus asked Peter three times if he loved him. And Peter wept in remembering that by another small fire in Jerusalem he had said three times that he never knew the Man.

BY: FR. GEORGE W. RUTLER

From: www.pamphletstoinspire.com

[artificialqueens]

You And I (Trixya) (Chapter 1/?) - Kiwific

Trixie and Katya were best friends for six long years. Growing up, summers spent at her aunt’s in Trixie’s small Tennessee hometown were the high points of Katya’s year. After her parents split and those holidays stopped, they lost touch for a while, their lives both unfolding in different ways. Now, after a messy breakup and an unexpected gift of a certain farmhouse, Katya finds herself living in the last place she would have expected. Everything is the same, yet so, so different. Not only because of her sudden crush on a certain blonde musician…but that definitely doesn’t help.

Notes:

Hi, it’s your local delusional flightless bird/piece of fuzzy fruit here. I can’t believe I’m finally getting around to uploading some of this. It’s been an absolute mess of words and ideas on my computer for months now. The idea from this came from a mixture of listening to ‘Little Sister" off Trixie’s album far too many times, mixed with my own feelings of living in a small rural town. I’m pretty sure at least part of it came to me in a dream. Any-who, this is still a WIP. I have a few chapters edited into a semblance of a story and the rest just kind of lives in my head until I find the motivation to actually write it down. Cool? Cool. Enjoy, comment, like, abuse me, whatever floats your boat.

Notes: Katya is 26, Trixie is 25.

Bronte (Trixie’s town) is named after Charlotte Bronte. Because I’m a literary nerd. Bronte is in no way a real place, I’m not even American so feel free to point out any glaring errors in that respect.

Also on AO3 under Kiwific <3 Come share the love.

It’s been a long time since you came around,

Been a long time but I’m back in town

And this time I’m not leaving without you…

Dear Trixie

I hope it isn’t too weird that I’m writing to you like this after all this time. I know - Facebook is a thing that exists, and a much faster way of communicating, right? I unashamedly stalked your page and it looks to me like your parents still live in the same house you grew up in, so I’m assuming this will get to you somehow. Hell, you live in Bronte - the postman has probably known you since you were two, has kids that went to middle school with you, and knows exactly where you are at any given time.

Anywho, the reason I’m writing is that, well, I found our old letters when I was packing up my apartment and wanted to tell you this the old-fashioned way. I know it’s been a while since we talked, but you’re going to want to hear this…

I’m moving to Bronte!

I can hear your disbelief from here, and seriously, I know. What the actual fuck, Katya, right? Believe me, I’ve been asking myself that question enough when it comes to understanding the decision on a philosophical level, so let me just give you the facts:

When Aunt Stevie died, she left her house to me and Anya. Annie moved to Russia last year and couldn’t give a flying fuck what happens to the place, so I guess it’s mostly mine.

I’m a college graduate and a free house is definitely something that makes my future look much less ugly (loans are painful and I want to eat something other than ramen before I’m thirty).

Recent developments in my life have made me want to get far, far away from New York, and what could be further than Bronte?

Anyway, I’ll be there mid June! I’d love to catch up if you’re around and reminisce on old times… like the time we made toffee “apples” for the town fair, except they were really onions. And the time I made your friend cry when she wanted to be Baby Spice for that concert we put on fat your church (you were the best Baby Spice ever, by the way). I can already smell that sweet nineties nostalgia.

Please message me when you get this, I don’t expect you to write back, plus I might be out of this apartment by then. The sooner the better, in my honest opinion.

See you soon!

Katya

P.S. Fact number 5 - I miss you.

June

Katya could feel the dust in the air before she even stepped out of the car. She stretched her jean-clad legs out in front of her, feeling the heat heavy in the air as she stood up. Placing her hands at the small of her back, she groaned, feeling the effects of her two-day drive seep into her bones. Looking around, Katya (not for the first time ) questioned the wisdom of her decision to relocate to a southern state in the middle of a scorching summer. The whole plan was absolute insanity - who would have ever thought in a hundred years that she would move to Tennessee. This wasn’t the first time she’d had second, third, or even fourth thoughts about the move, and looking around at the picturesque town around her did very little to ease her nerves.

How the fuck did she end up back here?

Logically, the plan made sense. She had free accommodation here - a house that, beyond all belief, was hers alone. She would have time to write, time to sort her shit out. Time to stop moping over Rachel and get her head back in a healthy space. That, or she would slowly go insane with boredom. Or forced out of town by dyke-hating, pitchfork-wielding townsfolk. Too far?

Above her, the gas station sign leered down.

Bronte, Tennessee. Last gas stop for 20 miles!

Katya snorted to herself. Last anything for thirty miles, more like.

Filling up her ancient, cherry-red BMW, Katya peered down the main street. It had been approximately eleven years since she’d last been here.  Growing up, her aunt Stevie had an old farmhouse just out of town. They would fly (sometimes drive, to Katya and Anya’s mutual horror) and stay for weeks in the summer, Katya and her sister spending the long, hot days playing in the fields, climbing trees and swimming in the river.

Katya barely remembered the town itself, but a few things stood out: the general store with its array of mismatched soda signs, the diner with the hideous pale pink facade (still faded and chipped after all this time), and the water tower looming over the long line of shops. It had been years, but to Katya it looked like nothing had changed. She felt her cynicism draining away as she looked around, fond memories of her childhood drowning out the panicked voice in her head telling her this move was a mistake.

They had stopped coming here when Katya’s dad walked out - a disappearing act to rival any world-famous magician- and while Stevie tried to keep in touch, it got too hard for Katya’s mom to stay close to her ex-husband’s family. Stevie had always sent birthday cards, though. Right up until the year she got sick. Katya’s mom didn’t know what killed her, but no one was more surprised than Katya herself when a lawyer showed up at her apartment in New York with the news that Stevie’s three-bedroom farmhouse in hicksville had been left to Katya and Anya. Anya wasn’t extremely interested in the news, she was enjoying her new life in Russia with mom’s family. Katya didn’t think she cared either, maybe one day they could sell the house and use the money for their own city apartments…

Until the shitstorm happened with Rachel.

She had been utterly blindsided when Rachel walked out, she had to admit that. One minute, Rachel was moving in with her and Katya was thinking about their happy future together. The next, Rachel was packing, leaving a broken Katya alone on their bedroom floor as she walked out. Katya should have seen it coming, and the fact that she didn’t was one of the things that had hurt so much.

The petrol pump stopped and Katya shook her head, trying to clear her suddenly foggy thoughts. Enough of that. She was away from Rachel and from New York. As far away as she felt she could possibly get. This wasn’t some bullshit heartbroken woman moves to the country to find herself after a breakup saga, this was just her… getting away from everything in the city that would sabotage her. Getting away from the version of herself that she was spiraling back into before making the decision to move here. Saving some cash in the process too, because hey - free accommodation would do a wonder on her savings.

Moving her car to one of the parks at the front of the station, Katya decided to take a walk and visit some old haunts. She had planned to head to the house first and come back into town when she’d settled in a little, but something was gnawing at the back of her mind. Someone, rather.

Trixie.

When Katya had written to her friend, she’d been a little overwhelmed at the excited reply. Trixie had messaged her the minute she received the letter announcing her move, and for a while there her excitement was contagious. Katya couldn’t help but feel a knot of anxiety when it came to seeing Trixie in the flesh again, though. What if it was awkward? What if they didn’t know how to talk to each other anymore? What if they had both changed too much?

Trixie had been Katya’s best friend for the better part of six years, despite the fact that they only ever saw each other in the summer. They had met one scalding hot day down by the river at the back of Stevie’s property - Katya and Annie went there everyday to cool down, and Trixie and her brother were swimming with their dad. A precocious eight year old Katya had snobbishly told seven year old Trixie that it was her auntie’s river and that her Barbie swimsuit was gross and too pink. Trixie had pushed her in the river.

They were best friends from that day on. Every summer, Katya counted down the days to their trip to Bronte, marking the days off in her diary (black, with a wolf howling at the moon on it. She had been a weird kid). They swam, played in the fields, terrorized the locals of Bronte year after year. They told each other everything, sharing their deepest secrets, navigating the joys and disappointments of growing up. When they weren’t together, they wrote to each other. Almost every week, Katya would get a letter on brightly colored Lisa Frank stationary, Trixie’s neat handwriting filling the pages. Her own letters were scrawled back as fast as she could write them, words falling from her as she tried to fit her thoughts onto the small pages. When Katya’s parents started fighting, Trixie was the first person to know. When Trixie got her first period, Katya had been the person she had written to.

When Katya’s dad left, she’d written a letter to Trixie that had to be at least seven pages long. She had been so angry, so scared, so worried about what to to when her mom barely came out of her room. Trixie told her everything would be okay, and it was. Eventually, it was. The next summer, however, had confirmed Katya’s growing suspicions. They didn’t go back to Bronte.

She and Trixie had kept up their friendship through letters and occasional phone calls, but these tapered off over time. New friendships came along, more for Trixie than for Katya, but eventually the letters stopped all together. Katya thought of her sometimes when looking at the photos in her mom’s old albums - her favourite was one of the two of them passed out on a mattress in the back of a pickup truck after a party at Stevie’s place, straw in Trixie’s thick hair and a blanket covering the two of them.

A few years ago, Trixie had sought her out on Facebook and they had talked occasionally, reminiscing about old times. Katya didn’t realize until she shamelessly stalked Trixie’s profile how much she had genuinely missed the other girl, and she’d been startled to realize she was crying after finding the same picture of them in the truck in an album Trixie had labelled ‘Old times’.

Katya couldn’t help but steel herself for disappointment as she prepared for the move to Bronte. She logically knew that things couldn’t be like they used to be - there was no way they could just pick up where they left off and be as close as they had been, and that was fine. They had been kids. Trixie had her life her, her friends, she probably didn’t need Katya hanging around all the time. Katya wanted to try, though, she wanted to give their friendship a second shot.

In truth, a friend was what she desperately needed right now.

[bountyofbeads]

Stone-Cold Loser https://nyti.ms/2S85c83

Roger Stone, who was arrested in a dawn raid at his home in Fort Lauderdale, has long been fond of the Somerset Maugham line that Florida is a "sunny place for shady people."

"Just as Nixon went down in history as a disgrace to the office of the president, so now will Stone go down as an accomplice to enemies of the republic," writes Eric Caine from Modesto in a comment on @MaureenDowd's column, "Stone-Cold Loser."

"Stone-Cold Loser"

By Maureen Dowd | New York Times Opinion | Published Jan. 26, 2019 |

Posted January 27, 2019 |

WASHINGTON — Roger Stone has always lived in a dog-eat-dog world.

So it was apt that he was charged with skulduggery in part for threatening to kidnap a therapy dog, a fluffy, sweet-faced Coton de Tuléar, belonging to Randy Credico, a New York radio host.

Robert Mueller believes that Credico, a pal of Julian Assange, served as an intermediary with WikiLeaks for Stone. Mueller’s indictment charges that Stone called Credico “a rat” and “a stoolie” because he believed that the radio host was not going to back up what the special counsel says is Stone’s false story about contacts with WikiLeaks, which disseminated Russia’s hacked emails from the D.N.C. and Hillary Clinton’s campaign chairman.

Stone emailed Credico that he would “take that dog away from you,” the indictment says, later adding: “I am so ready. Let’s get it on. Prepare to die (expletive).”

As the owner of two Yorkies, Stone clearly knows how scary it is when a beloved dog is in harm’s way. When he emerged from court on Friday, he immediately complained that F.B.I. agents had “terrorized” his dogs when they came to arrest him at dawn at his home in Fort Lauderdale.

The last thing Stone posted on Instagram before his arrest was a video of a terrier, with a high-pitched voice-over, protesting, “Roger Stone did nothing wrong.”

Always bespoke and natty, living by the mantra that it’s better to be infamous than never famous, Stone looked strangely unadorned as he came out of court to meet the press in a navy polo shirt and bluejeans.

As the master of darkness who had been captured in darkness stepped into the bright light of Fort Lauderdale, he was his usual flamboyant, unapologetically meretricious self. He proclaimed his innocence, flashed the Nixon victory sign and reiterated the old saw from his mentor, Roy Cohn, that any attention is good attention.

But it fell flat. Being Roger Stone had finally caught up with him.

He has always said Florida suited him because “it was a sunny place for shady people,” borrowing a Somerset Maugham line. But now the cat’s cradle of lies and dirty tricks had tripped up the putative dognapper. And it went down on the very same day that Paul Manafort — his former associate in a seamy lobbying firm with rancid dictators as clients, and then later his pal in the seamy campaign of Donald Trump — was also in federal court on charges related to the Mueller probe. Manafort’s hair is now almost completely white.

One of Stone’s rules — along with soaking his martini olives in vermouth and never wearing a double-breasted suit with a button-down collar — is “Deny, deny, deny.” But his arrest for lying, obstructing and witness tampering raised the inevitable question about his on-and-off friend in the White House, the man who is the last jigsaw-puzzle piece in the investigation of Trumpworld’s alleged coordination with Russia: Is being Donald Trump finally about to catch up with Donald Trump?

Stone, who famously has Nixon’s face tattooed on his back, is the agent provocateur who is the through line from Nixon, and his impeachment, to Trump, and his possible impeachment.

As Manafort said in the 2017 documentary “Get Me Roger Stone,” Trump and Stone “see the world in a very similar way.” And that way is theatrical and cynical. Do whatever you have to do to get what you want; playing by the rules is for suckers.

In 1999, when I went on a trip to Miami to watch Trump test the presidential waters, Stone orchestrated Trump’s Castro-bashing speech to Cuban-Americans. The bodybuilding, swinging strategist, christened “the state-of-the-art sleazeball” by The New Republic in the 80s, said he was “a jockey looking for a horse.”

Stone, who was mixed up in Watergate at the tender age of 19, “made the transition from the Stone Age of dirty tricks to today,” as David Axelrod puts it.

He watched Nixon rally the silent majority with a law-and-order message and racial dog whistling. He helped Ronald Reagan create Reagan Democrats.

For decades, believing “past is prologue,” Stone urged Trump to be the successor to those pols, revving up angry, white working-class voters who felt belittled or scared of “the other.” It would be so easy to divide and stoke resentment, as Stone and Trump proved when they inflamed the birther controversy against Barack Obama.

“Hate is a stronger motivator than love,” Stone told the documentarians. “Human nature has never changed.”

The tribal tensions in America made Stone’s favorite tricks easier than ever; he didn’t have to operate in the shadows. He wore a T-shirt with Bill Clinton and the word “Rape” at 2016 campaign rallies. As Stone boasted in the documentary, his “slash-and-burn” tactics “are now in vogue.”

Trump has had periods of estrangement with Stone. In 2008, in an interview with The New Yorker, he called the strategist “a stone-cold loser,” a state Trump himself has been relegated to this past week, courtesy of Nancy Pelosi.

Stone will not go gently. When he is asked about the tattoo of Nixon, he says he got it to remind himself, “A man is not finished when he is defeated; he is only finished when he quits.”

At the moment, though, dogged by Mueller, Stone and Manafort are the dog’s breakfast. The pair has given practicing the dark arts a bad name.

"There's one piece of history about Roger Stone that never gets enough press, Ms. Dowd. That is, Roger Stone was involved in the "recount" in Florida and swinging it to George W. Bush. Specifically, he was behind a political group attacking three Democratic state Supreme Court justices threatening Bush's possible victory: https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/politics/2003/07/11/fla-may-fine-gop-figure-for-2000-recount-actions/af72ec6a-082e-4292-913c-f8ed14c2fc62/?utm_term=.9e4d3fc6c5f3 These sleazy political operatives, from Lee Atwater to Karl Rove to Paul Manafort to Roger Stone on the Right have been getting away with this disgusting behavior for decades. Trump is a direct result of this cancer. Lock them all up." V of LA

"The ghost of Nixon past still haunts us. Just when you thought it was safe to trust our democracy, we get the Nixon salute and see his face on Stone’s back, just not quite low enough, in my opinion. The president was bad enough, but now it looks as though he’s merely the apex of a vast pyramid scheme so vile and full of duplicity that only Betsy DeVos could fully appreciate it. But it’s clear that the president didn’t accomplish his takeover on his own. He was socially promoted to a position higher than he could have ever reached without dirty tricks, lies and conspiracies galore. If today’s events aren’t disgusting enough, we’re even picking up echoes of Roy Cohen. There’s even a faint whiff of Joseph McCarthy that you can just make out while watching the nightly news. It recalls a time when powerful people weaponized fear and ignorance, and nearly turned us into animals at each others throats. We can only hope that people who voted for the president were among those fearful of going broke during the government shutdown. You can talk to people all day about why an unread, crotch-groping narcissistic moron is not a good candidate for president of the United States, but until they feel it in their guts, and their wallets, they’ll never fully understand. Do we have your attention now? Have you taken note of the sleazy, lying manipulators who manufactured this presidency with your help? Mueller might undo some of the damage, but it's up us not to let it happen again." gemli of Boston

"Imagine assembling a clown show of Trump, Junior, Jared, Manafort, Bannon, Stone, Flynn, KA Conway and some sideshow characters like Carter Page and Papadopoulus. Deliver some memorable campaign promises for America's future like "Lock her up" and "Build the Wall", while encouraging mobs to beat up reporters. Toss in a few surprise tapes about assaulting young women. Then openly conspire with Russian intelligence to interfere in the US election while being watched by the FBI, CIA and 6 European country intelligence services. And make plain as day efforts to relieve sanctions on Russia, support the pro-Russian cause in Ukraine, make over 100 contacts with Russian government officials during the campaign and transition and attempt to set up a secret communication channel through the Russian Embassy that US intelligence cannot monitor. Even after all of this, the chaos and the soaring deficits of the first two years of the Trump Administration, around 40% of Americans still think he is doing a great job. Based on personal experience working in all 50 states, I don't believe that part of the population is going to change much. But we need to take back the government on behalf of future generations and do it soon." Look Ahead of Washington

"Like Trump, Roger Stone is a man with no redeeming qualities and no morals at all. Cohen and Manafort as well. They admire and emulate the tough guys of organized crime without actually BEING those tough guys. But the Russians working for former KGB agent Putin are those tough guys, and that's who the phonies chose to do business with. Stone is blustering but he's counting on a Trump pardon, not realizing 3 things: 1) Trump WILL throw him under the bus. A pardon is unlikely. 2) A Trump pardon means he cannot use the 5th Amendment to keep from testifying--meaning he must tell the truth or face contempt or perjury charges. 3) He will still be liable to state charges, and the new NY AG would love get him in her cross-hairs. Stone is finished and doesn't even know it!"Dad of 2 /NJ

"Roger Stone is a truly mean-spirited figure. No wonder he, like Trump, his soul mate if you will, were proteges of Roy Cohn. One thing is certain, nobody is going to feel sorry for Stone, Manafort or any of Donald Trump's merry band of mean, vindictive misfits. Once our national nightmare is over, it will take a long time to heal, if we ever can. Because Stone and Trump poked the racist beast of a certain segment of the nation, unleashing virulent emotions, conservative-fed conspiracy theories, and disdain for truth, fact checking, and critical thinking. The president, a man who doesn't read, aligned himself with a man who did but used his reading to polish his dark arts, and tries to make ignorance seem cool. As a result, they got an entire political party to totally overhaul its thinking on foreign policy goals, belief in climate science (indeed, belief in any science) and even, I venture to say, the biggie: immigration. Trump, egged on by Stone, has done more damage to our politics, rule of law, and views of government than any foreign invader could have. Stone, more than Trump, grasped an essential truth: the worst damage a country can undergo is from within."Christine McM of Boston

"If Stone and The Donald have used "revving up angry white working-class voters" as a tactic to win elections, one wonders whether they are themselves authentic racists or whether they believe in nothing but power for its own sake. Are they "merely" impersonating bigots or are they true believers? Either way they represent a pestilence that needs to be driven out of the body politic, and yet if they're being disingenuous with respect to their own feelings about white supremacy (a disease that normally infects only the feeble-minded) one wonders how they manage to live with themselves. Can one ever attain enough wealth and power to compensate for the loss of one's soul? Perhaps it's a moot point but I somehow can't get past it."

Stu Freeman of Brooklyn

"No Stone left unturned, no creatures hiding under rocks. Spring IS coming, the flowers will bloom, the stench will dissipate, the gloom will dissolve. Thank you, Mr. Mueller." Stu Freeman of Brooklyn

Phyllis Dalmatian of Kansas

"Stone is Johnny two-face: he threatens to harm a security dog then uses his own two dogs' reaction to his early-morning arrest as proof of the FBI's perceived heavy-handed tactics. He trumpets his dedication to "the truth" while lying (all his life) and throughout the Mueller investigation--threatening former criminal associates if they cooperate with--i.e. tell the truth to--the feds. He professes patriotism while working in league with his country's greatest adversary to undermine an American presidential election. It is no wonder anyone this duplicitous should be an acolyte of Richard Nixon and a life-long driving force in the Republican Party. That's the way the GOP grows its alleged leaders--by rewarding them for wrecking American values without demonstrating any consciousness of guilt. "CMary of Chicago

"Concerning stones method of arrest, he merely found out how it is to be treated by law enforcement in many zip codes in this county, no sympathy whatsoever."No Party of FLA

"Why is it so many Americans believe whatever they are told? People like Trump and Stone commit crimes and lie in plain sight and many of our countrymen lap it up like duck soup. Was it growing up in the era of Disney and Spielberg that has made so much of the public susceptible to political special effects? "Of course President Obama is a Muslim, my TV said so." You can't fool all of the people, but you certainly will have no trouble fooling half of them. These remain dangerous times."Socrates of NJ

" Looking back....as you do in this piece....there is really only one question “Was your desperate focus on stopping Hilary from being elected worth it?”

David Martin of Paris

"Meanwhile, Trump can't stop telling us about women in vans with duct tape on their mouths. Perhaps his past is catching up with him involuntarily." Jerry Summer of NC

Another day, another Trump associate is arrested... What was that you were saying about HRC's emails again, Ms Dowd? Nick Adam of Mississippi

[marlow-bennett]

[ MARLOW BENNETT. 26. NON-BINARY WOMAN. SHE/THEY ] is here! They’ve lived in Silver Lake for [ 18 MONTHS ] and are originally from [ VANCOUVER ]. They are a [ NIGHT-NANNY ] and in their downtime love [ THRIFT SHOPPING ] and [ BULLET JOURNALING ]. They look a lot like [ MACKENZIE DAVIS ] and live [ ON REDCLIFF ST ]. ( ooc: kaylen, 28, she/her, aest, still raccoons )    

Name: marlow bennett Gender: non-binary woman Age: 26 Lives: redcliff street Sexuality: pansexual  Occupation: night nanny Face Claim: mackenzie davis

biography

Trigger Warnings: drug use

TL;DR at the end.

marlow was born to a junkie mother and an unknown father. child services took her away within hours of her birth, considering her mother was high at the time of her delivery, and it was clear she had no immediate intentions of getting clean.

she was put in foster care, but when she was one year old, her mother petitioned to get her back. it had seemed to the courts as if she’d gotten herself on the right track, and marlow was placed back with her mother. marlow’s mother had bitten off more than she could chew, however, and caring for a child wasn’t nearly as easy as she thought it would be. within months, she was back doing drugs, marlow neglected far more often than she was appropriately cared for. when marlow was three, she was once again taken by child services, but this time for good, and her mother never again petitioned to have her back.

she was placed with the anderson family, who were already seasoned foster carers. she had two older brothers, and they were a large influence on her growing up. marlow was lucky enough to be adopted by the anderson’s at age seven, though she chose to keep the last name that had always been hers.

marlow loved being outside, always in overalls, running around the yard barefoot, climbing every tree in sight and racing around the neighborhood on her bike. perhaps it had something to do with spending those first years of her life in a one room apartment and rarely anywhere else, or maybe she’d always been destined to love the outdoors. she was an active kid, easily keeping pace with her brothers, always into whatever they were doing.

despite the three permanent children in their home, the anderson’s always kept an open door for children in need, usually at least one other foster child in their home. often these were only temporary, until they found long term families, but marlow enjoyed being a sister, always kind to the kids that stayed with them. despite her rough first few years, she was a caring and genuine person, sharing her love with everyone around her.

her oldest brother moved away to college when marlow was fourteen, her second brother moving out of the family home only a few years later. but marlow’s parents were getting older, and keeping up with the active and boisterous children they fostered was getting a little harder. marlow thought it would be a shame to close their doors entirely, though, since she knew how many children were in need. so the family decided to change their status to emergency newborn and infant carers. this is the sort of family that marlow had been placed with the day of her birth - an unexpected newborn suddenly arriving in the system, unable to simply be placed in a group home like a child or teenager.

marlow herself was sixteen at the time, and more than willing to help take care of the babies that spent time with them. sometimes it was just a day or two, one time up to a week, until an appropriate family could be found. marlow fell in love with caring for the infants, the routine they stuck to.

her grades were good enough that she applied to several universities, not quite sure what she wanted to do, but finally settling on economics and commerce. numbers were easy enough to understand, and it gave her options for the future…or so her parents reminded her. after her university acceptance, marlow deferred for a year, not quite ready to go back to studying right away. with the small amount of money she’d earned doing casual jobs during her years of high school, she kissed her parents goodbye and went south.

for a year, she travelled around south america, falling in love with every people and culture she encountered, soaking up the knowledge and world around her. it was on this journey that marlow began to feel more at peace with herself, discovering cultures where genders were not so heavily defined, so stereotyped. she took another year, going east, exploring even more of the world, being free to discover herself and understand her own feelings without societal pressures surrounding her. while marlow enjoyed flashing herself in a skirt every once in a while, and did love to play around with make up, she’d never felt overly feminine, and sometimes felt boxed in by the gender she was supposed to conform to.

finally, she returned home, spending a few months with her parents, who had since given up the foster care status. that saddened marlow a little, but she knew that they’d given more than their fair share to the world, and she didn’t hold it against them. not at all. they’d given her the best upbringing she could possibly have hoped for, and she was forever thankful to them. it was during these few months that she did her research, and decided she identified as a non-binary woman. which meant she didn’t always feel completely comfortable with the ‘female’ box, feeling as though there was more to it than that, that some days she felt non-conforming. but she understood she mostly presented as female, and would never be upset with anyone for assuming that about her. some days are she/her days, some are a little more they/them. but it’s mostly something that marlow feels within herself, though she isn’t afraid to disclose it when relevant.

after two years abroad, marlow finally found herself on a collage campus. she adjusted quite quickly to college life, easily making friends, dating anyone who took her fancy, partying occasionally. the studying was fine, though it didn’t grab her attention in the way that she’d hoped. she attended classes, for the most part, handed in assignments on time, but she found she really didn’t love it the way she’d hoped. still, she stuck with it, leaving with a bachelor of economics at age twenty-three.

she was itching again to see somewhere new, yet again, and so she looked into something she’d learned about from another student - becoming an au pair. so marlow packed her bag and went to the netherlands. she worked as an au pair for a family with two girls, aged four and seven. caring for children was something that came naturally to marlow, and so it was the perfect job for her. she got to see the country by taking the kids on outings, letting them teach her dutch while she helped them improve their english. she lived with them for nearly nine months, before saying her goodbyes, taking a month to explore the rest of the country by herself before applying for yet another job.

with her new found understanding of dutch, she moved in with a family in belgium. they had two boys and a girl, reminding marlow of her own family. this family was rather strict, and for a little while, marlow feared her carefree attitude wouldn’t be accepted. but it turned out it was exactly what the family needed, a new spark in their lives, marlow bringing the laughs and adventures.

when her nine month contract was up, marlow once again had to say goodbye, taking a yet another month to travel the country by herself, before heading home. this time with an idea of what she wanted to do. something she’d learned about was ‘night nannies’. nannies who instead of caring for a child during the day, instead did so at night, often so parents could get a good night’s sleep without having to rise every few hours to tend to a newborn. this was for various different reasons, from women who had other children to tend to during the day, to women with health conditions who needed a proper night’s rest.

the bustling city of silver lake drew marlow’s attention, deciding it was as good a place as any to settle for the moment. she found a small share house in redcliff street, signing up with a nannying agency that offered the night nanny service. her contracts were often only for the first four to five months, until babies start sleeping through the night and she was no longer needed to tend to wakings. the job is perfect for her, and she loves it, often bonding with the families she cares for.

during the day she gets up to general mischief, napping where needed and spending time with friends. she’s always down for a coffee, or a the occasional drink, impromptu shopping sprees (window shopping included), random hikes, all manner of adventures.

                          ━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

TL;DR - raised mostly in a foster family before being adopted by that family. two older brothers, and a revolving door of other foster siblings. loved her family, but left before university to go adventuring. two years spent aboard simply travelling. discovered her identity as a non-binary woman. three years at university for her commerce degree, before becoming an au pair overseas for another 20 months. came home again and is now a night nanny. this was about 18 months ago. defs hit her up for a good time.

                          ━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

[webcamchatxrw144-blog]

7 Things About Sex Talk You'll Kick Yourself for Not Knowing

According to the previous statistics, it is in between 2 and twenty years, but why is the period so long? The primary reason is the treatments adopted throughout the treatment. With just western medicine, it is usually about 2 to 10 years. If only Chinese medication, it is 2 to 8 years. However with the combination of western medicine and Chinese medication, clients can live for 2 to 26 years! So the superiority is really obvious. Treating time is also the key, and the curative impact will be better if patients can take instant and correct treatment once the illness is discovered.

As for the treatment of Nephrotic syndrome, by and large, Chinese medication is superior to western medicine. As a result, the treatment of Chinese medication can be equal to some developed countries of sophisticated medical innovation. At present, we are using the pure Chinese medication which is combined with the most modern-day medical treatment technology ， emphasizing on "Micro-Chinese Medicine Osmostherapy".

With the supplement of external application of Chinese medication and steam-heated therapy to reach the repair of renal intrinsic cells. This sort of treatment can decrease the side effects of western medication successfully, fix the renal sore, obstruct the kidney diseasing, renovate the tissue structure of Glomerular mechanical protective screen and electrical charge protective screen, and recuperate the Glomerular selective filtering function to reduce the protein dripping and remove edema. Through this characteristic treatment we can make patients of Nephrotic syndrome regain the sound construct and prolong patient life successfully.

If patients of Nephrotic syndrome desire a longer life, next to receiving the active treatment, they need to avoid frequent aspects. If having readily available condition, patients can take kidney biopsy, determine the pathological cause from the aspect of cell structure and getting the targeted personal restorative schedule; after medical professionals have made the schedule, what the patients ought to do is to do as the doctor inform them; for taking cold and infection seriously, patients would much better to take medicines with the conduct of medical professionals. Patients must take correct exercises to improve their constitution, which is based on their particular condition.

You need to clearly understand how your man takes a look at the world: what he thinks about the relationship, what he wants from life, what are his strategies, and how he intends to execute them. Ladies who are inclined to run with their illusions rather of accurate info invest years awaiting modifications for the better and end up being unprepared for lots of frustrations.

" When we get carried away, we tend to deceive ourselves not only about the shortcomings of the partner we select. Typically we do not want to admit the reality that his concepts about life are really various from ours. Look at the variety of women who are in the position of mistresses in the hope that the man will divorce. Or those who are trying to convince their fan to have a child, while he plainly makes it clear that this is not part of his concept of a comfortable personal life."

Find out to hear your partner, trust him. There is no complete coincidence, individuals are different, and no one is unsusceptible to errors. Know how to forgive, and do not be afraid to request for forgiveness, to be grateful, and to reveal condescension yourself. Regard for oneself and the authority of one's viewpoint is most easily attained by someone who understands how to see life in various methods and consider positions that are not similar to his own.

" Sadly, couple of people know how to interact effectively in a family. There are two extremes: a lady is trying to reach out to a male who has a rejection response to this, or partners exist as if in parallel, having only every day and sexual points of contact. Finding out to listen and hear is not so simple, but the result is worth it."

A couple, even the most in love and overwhelmed by enthusiasm, requires a typical task - something that unites your family and draws the future. Divorce in times of crisis is largely due to the truth that the partners' objectives alter, and they never ever pertain to a common measure. Having a second kid, beginning a joint service, or moving from a noisy city to the countryside - it is necessary that both of you have an interest in this.

" You can get rid of difficult times in relationships, first of all, by being confident that you want to continue walking hand in hand with this person, and secondly, by giving him and yourself a particular quantity of liberty and time for internal reassessment. There are many examples when a separated spouse begins life together once again.

The basic instinct is the reason you chose each other. Not taking note of sex and erotic tourist attraction for a partner is among the most dumb and unpleasant errors made in love. You can hover in the clouds, checked out Proust aloud to each other, but dissatisfaction in bed will make you both dissatisfied, pulling the strap of task and responsibility.

" Unfaithful is just one of the repercussions of losing sexual interest in each other. Even worse is the loss of trust, self-confidence. If a couple breaks up, for this reason, it is frequently tough for partners to arrange their further individual life without the aid of a professional. Sex is a really fundamental part of a relationship. No product resources, kids, and common interests can make up for his lack."

Take care of yourself. Do not shift the responsibility for your wellness and mood to your precious. You can ask for help and depend on it, however a liked one must not be a victim of your aggressiveness. Live Webcam Chat On the other hand, do not let unfavorable emotions spill out in your direction. Do not try to withstand what you do not like.

" Battles are not so bad. Increased emotions make us open up to our partner. If an individual avoids freely revealing indignation and inflammation, this may indicate a fear of nearness. Of course, whatever must be in moderation. To smooth over the situation, to make peace, to shift attention - a showdown ought to not be tiring."

[go-redgirl]

Mother of Breonna Taylor, KY Police Shooting Victim, Calls for Peace

LOUISVILLE, Ky. (AP) — Looking to defuse anger after gunfire wounded at least seven people at a protest in Louisville, the mother of a black woman killed by police urged protesters Friday to continue demanding justice but do so “without hurting each other.”

Kentucky Gov. Andy Beshear read the statement from Breonna Taylor’s mother hours after gunshots erupted during protests late Thursday outside City Hall. One person was in critical condition, Louisville Metro Police said Friday.

Mayor Greg Fischer said police officers fired no shots. Instead, they provided aid to the wounded, he said. TV video showed terrified protesters fleeing as gunfire erupted.

With more rallies planned Friday, Taylor’s mother joined the chorus of calls for protests to remain peaceful. In her statement, Tamika Palmer said her daughter — an emergency medical technician — devoted her life to others and the “last thing she’d want right now is any more violence.”

“Please keep saying her name,” her statement said. “Please keep demanding justice and accountability, but let’s do it the right way without hurting each other. We can and we will make some real change here. Now is the time. Let’s make it happen, but safely.”

Beshear, speaking on CNN, said the protest started peacefully but some people later “turned it into something that it should not have been.”

The Democratic governor also called on President Donald Trump to retract a tweet in which he threatened to “assume control” in Minneapolis if necessary. The president, reacting to the torching of a Minneapolis police station by protesters outraged by the death of a black man in police custody, warned that “when the looting starts, the shooting starts.”

“During these times, we can condemn violence while also trying to listen, to understand, to know that there is deep frustration, rightfully so, in our country,” Beshear said. “That there has not been enough action on creating equality, of opportunity and in health care. And in a time of this COVID-19 pandemic, it’s laid bare all of that.”

Bracing for more protests, police said they wouldn’t tolerate violence or property destruction.

“We value the right to free speech and understand this community has a lot to say right now,” Louisville police Lt. Col. LaVita Chavous said. “We hear you.”

But she added that police were prepared to “take whatever action we must to try to ensure no one else is injured during this time of unrest. We ask the community to please voice your opinions in a peaceful way.”

Meanwhile, Louisville’s mayor said the use of no-knock warrants by police was being suspended, the latest in a series of policy changes and others actions in response to Taylor’s death.

“To the people who gathered downtown last night to protest, and to many more throughout our city and throughout our country who feel angry, hurt, afraid, frustrated, tired and sick of story after story of black lives ending at the hands of law enforcement, I hear you,” Fischer said.

Fischer called for peace, saying the “fight for justice cannot be won with guns and vandalism.”

Two people wounded in the gunfire underwent surgery, while five were in good condition, he said.

Local Councilwoman Keisha Dorsey termed the protest as “a revolt against a system in which people have felt oppressed,” the Courier Journal reported. “What I’m seeing is people who are trying their best to do something with their hurt, their pain and their frustration.”

Thursday night’s demonstration came as protesters across the country, in cities including Los Angeles, Denver, New York and Memphis, turned out in alliance with demonstrators in Minneapolis, where George Floyd became the latest black man to die in police custody.

The Louisville protests followed the release of a 911 call Taylor’s boyfriend made on March 13, moments after the 26-year-old EMT was shot eight times by narcotics detectives who knocked down her front door. No drugs were found in the home.

Hundreds of demonstrators chanting “No justice, no peace” marched through downtown Louisville streets. The multiracial protests continued for more than six hours, ending in the early hours of Friday as rain poured down.

Windows were broken and several vehicles were damaged during the unrest, police said. Shots were fired into government buildings, including police headquarters, they said. Bricks were thrown into buildings and graffiti was splashed in several places, including a firefighter memorial, they said. The police description of the damage made no reference to any looting.

Jordan Basham said she was a few feet from where the people were shot. As people fled in terror, a man she didn’t know pushed her to the ground, told her not to move and used his own body to shield her, she said Friday.

“I’ll never be able to get that picture out of my mind,” she said. “But I am still very glad that I was there. As long as they’re out there protesting, I’ll be back.”

The 24-year-old, white bartender said she hopes future protests remain peaceful but added: “With what I saw last night and with the way people were acting, it really worries me.”

Many protesters wore masks as Kentuckians are strongly urged to follow health guidelines to contain the coronavirus pandemic.

Attention on Taylor’s death has intensified since her family sued the police department this month. The case has attracted national headlines alongside the shooting of Ahmaud Arbery in Georgia in February and the recent death of Floyd, a handcuffed black man who pleaded for air as a white police officer knelt on his neck.

READ MORE STORIES ABOUT:

Crime Politics Social Justice

_____________________________________________________________

OPINION:  A very inspiring Article I hope many will read it with love and understanding.

PEACE!

[deputymcnuggets]

Asks; all ✨ or at least the ones you want to do 💖

WELL AITE HERE WE GO

0: Height180cm

1: Age22

2: Shoe sizeUS male 12

3: Do you smoke?I dooooo

4: Do you drink?Yesssiirr

5: Do you take drugs?I used to experiment a decent amount, these days I only smoke a lil bud and am still interested in psychedelics/a few others but it has been a long time since I done any of em

6: Age you get mistaken forWithout the beard - 19With the beard - A lil older than I am

7: Have tattoos?Nope

8: Want any tattoos?Yep! Having a v hard time deciding what though and committing

9: Got any piercings?Nope

10: Want any piercings?Possiblyyyyy, more interested in tattoos though

11: Best friend?A guy named Lawrence that does not have tumblr

12: Relationship statusSingle

13: Biggest turn onsAnything control related. anger, violence, dom stuff. Alternatively romance and smooshy lovey stuff turns me on too, feeling cared about and safe. All bout them extremes boi it’s one end of the scale or the other.

14: Biggest turn offsAnything that comes outta your body lmao, except spit….and a little blood

15: Favorite movieUP!

16: I’ll love you if…You actually care about me and make me feel safe and comfortable being myself

17: Someone you missCouple of my ex’s. Not in a relationshippy way but just in a “you were a massive massive part of my life and now we have literally 0 contact and I don’t even know how you’re doing” way.

18: Most traumatic experienceEhhhhh either my Dad’s massive breakdown from being bullied at work which triggered bipolar that was like sitting dormant in his brain or whatever, having a knife pulled on me or being sexually assaulted

19: A fact about your personalityI do not know what my real personality is and what is me trying to cope with fear/trauma. I thought I was a massive introvert all my life but now that I’m getting over a lot of my issues, myself and my therapist both think I’m actually pretty extroverted, I just hold back because of anxiety or whatever.

20: What I hate most about myselfProbably the mental illnesses hey, mainly the PTSD, but things have been the best this year that they have been in like 6-8 years, so here’s hoping this answer will change sometime in the future :)

21: What I love most about myselfI like how genuine I am

22: What I want to be when I get olderRich (I really have no idea, probably something related to psychology)

23: My relationship with my sibling(s)Well my sister is autistic and my lil brother is constantly getting in trouble with the law and giving our family shit related to drugs, weapons, graffiti etc. and is very depressed and disrespectful.Sooooo not great but we manage, my sister has been getting a lot better over the past few years actually, so we talk a little now.

24: My relationship with my parent(s)Mum - great, I love her, wouldn’t be here without her.Dad - bipolar, he disappears for years at a time, sometimes see him semi-regularly. The relationship itself is okay, as good as it could be I guess.

25: My idea of a perfect dateCute and quiet. Anything that gives us something to do while we can talk and get to know each other. The beach, museums, cute cafes, walking through parks, camping, sitting around a fire, getting drunk.

26: My biggest pet peevesI hate it when people are not aware how their actions affect others and are not willing to listen and always have to be right. Probably stems from my sister not understanding other people or their emotions and constantly annoying people and making them angry because of it.

27: A description of the girl/boy I likeThere’s a nice girl who’s interested in a lot of similar stuff to me like psychology, she’s lovely and relatively quiet and chill like I am. She just finished uni and started a full time job last week so go her! She’s real pretty too and has a v cute smile

28: A description of the person I dislike the mostPlays a lot of that car soccer game I play. Has long ass hair, gets mistaken for a girl often. Has gender and sexuality issues. Drinks too much. Tries to harm himself often. Has mental issues such as BPD.Did a v bad thing to me. For some reason I am still very protective over him when people speak badly about him.

29: A reason I’ve lied to a friendBecause I couldn’t be fucked leaving my depression hole to come hang out

30: What I hate the most about work/schoolGetting up before 2pm

31: What my last text message saysHeyo I’m busy today sorry but if you have any more free days coming up we should do something, its been a while!

32: What words upset me the mostSingular words do not really upset me unless you’re attacking my insecurities.

33: What words make me feel the best about myselfAnything positive about my personality or physical appearance. Cute, lovely, genuine, understanding, idk.

34: What I find attractive in womenOpenness, being genuine, collar bones/shoulders/necks, specific dress styles, overly affectionate. I also really really unintentionally attract and am attracted to/get along with people with a lot of insecurities and possible trauma. I have been told this is because I’m patient and understanding. Also having been through a lot of shit myself, nothing makes my heart warmer than being able to make someone feel comfortable and putting a smile on their face when they’re usually very reserved and worried and scared. I guess doing for people what I really desperately needed during some of the worst parts of my life is nice.

35: What I find attractive in menAbout the same, also tanned hairy masculine looking motherfuckers with nice forearms :)))))

36: Where I would like to liveThis is a great question. I think there’s a lot of places I’d rather live than Australia, but I won’t be going anywhere for my families sake.America, Nepal, anywhere in Scandinavia, Germany.

37: One of my insecuritiesMy body

38: My childhood career choiceAccountant lmao cos me mums was one

39: My favorite ice cream flavorMANGO!

40: Who I wish I could beCole Sprouse cos he the cutest motherfucker ever

41: Where I want to be right nowIf I could teleport anywhere right now I’d go back to the monastery I went to in Nepal that’s up on a giant hill/mountain and I’d take a fat fuckin blunt with me and smoke it while looking over Kathmandu.

42: The last thing I ateA mango :^)

43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediatelyAlexis Ren pre all the surgeries and shit that she had.

44: A random fact about anything

do it! I’m boredSalmon rely on the gravitational pull of the moon to know where they’re going and they can swim from country to country and still know where they are.THAT WAS A LOT OF WRITINGTHANK U KITTEN!

[thetravelingmama]

100 Things about your Mom.

Hi Chi. I’m back! All better and cured. I’m feeling like my old self again, energy and everything back. Like my doctor said today: if it’s working, don’t change it. That being said, let’s do something fun! I saw this weird list of questions and said: Game on!

1: What random stranger has had the biggest impact on your life? A Dad at a beach playing with his son. He made us made the decision to start a family.

2: What achievement are you proud of but most people would consider silly or weird? I refuse to “act my age”.

3: What period in history had the best fashion? The 50’s!

4: What silly or funny thing makes you afraid or creeps you out? Clowns.

5: How quickly do you jump to conclusions about people? I try not to, but the reality is that I get “vibes” from people, instantly. I’m never wrong, as much opportunities I give.

6: How would the world change if super heroes and super villains actually existed? I think heroes and villains DO exist.

7: What would be your strategy for surviving an apocalyptic epidemic? I already hoard medicine, movies and booze.

8: What is the most important change that should be made to your country’s education system? Equality, Empathy, Values and Gender Perspective are things that need to be taught. I also believe that a University Diploma should be mandatory. No school? Jail.

9: What is something you think you will regret in the future not starting now and what is something you already regret not starting sooner? I regret not becoming a Mom sooner. I’ll regret it most in the future.

10: What part of your culture are you most and least proud of?

Proud of our strength of character. Least proud of living in a status quo.

11: What's the worst and best thing about being female? Best thing is having a baby, carrying it inside your body. That experience is wonderful. The worst is definitively the inequality, how people treat you different in many ways and what they expect on how you “should behave”. I also believe there are many double standards when it comes to us.

12: If you could put your brain in a robot and live indefinitely, would you? Not for a gazillion dollars.

13: If you could replace the handshake as a greeting, what interesting new greeting would you replace it with? High fives are awesome.

14: Who’s the worst guest you’ve had in your house and what did they do? I’m glad to report that I never let people that I don’t truly trust or know at my house.

15: When does time pass fastest for you and when does it pass the slowest? Fastest: when I have a lot of work and a close deadline. Slowest: when I had to come up with advertising campaigns. I HATED starting on a presentation with all the passion in the world until I had an idea that worked. Then, it just was a breeze. Until that jackpot happens, time is torture.

16: What always sounds like a good idea at the time but rarely is? Telling someone the truth. Sometimes it just turns out that they can’t handle or understand it. Another great one? Getting drunk and knowing that no one is going to take care of the baby next morning. Huge mistake.

17: Are humans fundamentally different than animals? If so, what makes us different? We’re very much alike, I realized it after I gave birth. I just think we have the burden of emotions and logic to deal with, that’s all. I envy them: I’d love to function just on instincts!

18: What pictures or paintings have had a big impact on you? Guernica inspired me to paint. The Marilyn Diptych inspired me to design. At the Moulin Rouge is one of my favorites, just because.

19: What movie or book character are you most similar to? That’s a tough one. I identify a lot (with absolutely no clue of why) with Mia Wallace’s lust for life and her disregard for rules; Marla Singer’s I don’t care attitude and confusion. I’m also a mix of Santino and Michael Corleone when I’m either strategizing or just extremely angry.

20: You can broadcast one sentence to every TV channel and radio in the world and have it translated to each country’s language. What sentence do you say? “What doesn’t offend you might offend someone else. Calm down and let people do and say what they want.”

21: What fact are you really surprised that more people don't know about? That research does not mean that you trust instantly whatever you find online. Reliable sources exist for a reason.

22: What are you completely over and done with? Putting the well-being of others before mine.

23: What memory do you just keep going back to?

It depends on the day.

24: What’s the most immature thing someone can do? I believe that making a scene in public is just sign that you are emotionally and socially immature. From treating strangers badly for a stupid reason to arguing with your significant other in front of anybody is just a sign that you’re the problem.

25: What are you most passionate about and what do you wish you were more passionate about? Reading and writing.

26: What’s the best comeback you’ve ever heard?

“I’m growing a human inside me, what’s your excuse?” I said that. :P

27: Who haven’t you seen or talked to in a long time and hope they are doing okay? With Facebook that stopped happening years ago. I actually miss that feeling of wondering how my friends are. Although, there is one friend from college that disappeared. I sometimes wonder what happened.

28: Where is the last place you would ever go? If by last this means “and then you can die”, Tibet. I can’t fathom thinking about a place in this world not worthy about visiting.

29: What’s something that you’ve never been able to do well? Math and control myself when I am beyond furious.

30: Who is the humblest person you know?

Any person who will do something for free just to help another human being.

31: What is the silliest reason someone you've known has completely lost it? The stuff people write online.

32: What is quite possibly the most annoying thing ever? People who judge others on based on what they wear, own, drive or live in. I also am starting to despise people who post every single goddamn second on social media. My social media algebra is simple: entertain, yes; Report, no.

33: What do you wish people would stop asking you? Can I have free tickets?

34: What is the most unusual fear you have? Frogs and Roller Coasters.

35: What is your favorite TV show? Right now it’s Better Call Saul.

36: What’s the most ridiculous argument you’ve had? If it’s ridiculous, I’m totally ignoring the idea of talking about it. Silence is golden.

37: What’s the biggest lesson life has taught you? My happiness is way more important than anything else in the world.

38: What is increasingly becoming socially acceptable? Telling others how to act, talk, behave, think, write... I remember the days when people judged you in silence or behind closed doors. Thanks a lot, internet.

39: What’s the weirdest tradition your family has? It’s not a tradition per se, we just talk really loud when we’re together, and all at the same time.

40: If you could choose anyone living or dead, who would you choose to lead our country? It would be a mix of Obama, Lady Gaga, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Ed Snowden.

41: What app on your phone do you wish you used more? Tabata.

42: Who was the most power mad person you’ve met? Insert advertising client name here.

43: What world famous monument do you have no interest in visiting? The Tower of Pisa. Next.

44: What is something that you think people are only pretending to like or are deluding themselves into liking? Wine.

45: What joke went way too far? Anything that relates to a pregnancy announcement.

46: What are some of the telltale signs that a guy is creepy? If a man tries to control how I talk, behave, dress, manage a situation or just even decides something for me. If he thinks I need his approval for anything.

47: What is your very first memory? Walking around the beach.

48: What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve said or done around someone you dated? It’s not embarrassing but it did catch me off guard: I made a point in my life to never say “I love you” to a man first until I was sure that it was going to mean something. One day, when I was starting to date your Dad, I just blurted it out. He laughed and said “You said it first!”

49: Who is your favorite actor or actress? Right now it’s Bryan Cranston.

50: What doesn’t exist but you desperately want / need it? A pill that eliminates sadness or anger instantly.

51: What are you most grateful for? My child.

52: If you could hear every time someone said something good about you or something negative about you, which would you choose? Neither. Not interested.

53: What do you wish you could re-live? Just for fun, my twenties. Had the best time.

54: What’s something that you recommend everyone trying at least once? Massages.

55: Do you prefer being warmed when you’re too cold or being cooled when you’re too hot? Warmed.

56: What sentence can you say that makes total sense now but would seem insane 20 years ago? “Do it, don’t wait.”

57: How decisive or indecisive are you? Extremely decisive. I’d rather go out in flames, always.

58: What’s something from your childhood that used to be common but now is pretty rare? I used to play outside unsupervised and came back home when I was supposed to. I also drove my grandpa’s car lots of times while sitting in his lap. Now he would get thrown in jail, I guess.

59: If you were an action figure, what accessories would you be sold with? A bottle of Vodka, books, beach items and lipstick.

60: What weird smell do you really enjoy? Gasoline and the streets of New York City.

61: What do you like that is traditionally considered masculine? Boxing, hard liquors, swearing, dark sense of humor.

62: What’s something you learned recently that you really should have already known? Expectations are resentments in the making.

63: What’s a simple mistake you made that had dramatic consequences? I should have been honest with someone without worrying about what could happen next.

64: What’s the best piece of advice someone has given you? You’re not responsible for how other people feel, it’s their problem to handle.

65: What do you think people automatically wrongly assume about you when they look at you? That I’m delicate, maybe?

66: Looking back on your life, what have you done that has given you the most satisfaction? Besides from being a Mom, having a successful company.

67: If everything was quantified, what life stats would like to see for yourself? The happy vs sad moments.

68: What do you really wish you knew when you were younger? That I am way more stronger than I thought.

69: When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried? I think it was watching Dave Chapelle or Joe Rogan on Netflix.

70: What do you wish you had more time for? Being with my child when she grows older. I hope to be alive when she gets married or has a kid.

71: When was the last time you had a gut feeling about something that turned out to be correct? How about a time your gut feeling was wrong? My gut feelings are 99% on point. Sometimes it takes a second, sometimes years. I always end up being right.

72: What’s your curiosity killed the cat story? Your Dad. I ended up married and having you!

73: What areas in your life do you have high hopes for and what are those high hopes? I hope that our child decides to run our company and makes it even more successful.

74: Who was the most spoiled person you personally have met? Met a few. No comment.

75: What makes you feel old? When people don’t know a certain band or piece of music.

76: What’s your favorite non-drug / non-alcohol high? Traveling.

77: What’s the worst thing you’ve heard one person say to another person? It’s a tie between, “Sorry, she doesn’t know what she’s talking about.” and “Shut up and listen”.

78: What do you love about yourself? I’m starting to love my new sense of self. It gives me meaning.

79: What gets progressively weirder the more you think about it? Society in general.

80: What have you gotten too old to put up with? Being obligated to do something.

81: What event would you like to know the whole and complete truth about? JFK’s death. I also would love to read Mueller’s unredacted report.

82: What have you recently become obsessed with? Home delivery. Hi Jeff Bezos, I paid for your electricity this month.

83: What’s the biggest waste of money you’ve seen? Anything related to spending a lot on cars or jewelry. I’d rather travel, sorry.

84: What’s surprising about you? Most people don’t know that I can’t stand chick films.

85: When you were a kid what silly thing were you deathly afraid of? Dracula. Frank Langella, you made my childhood miserable for months.

86: Besides a raise or more vacation time, what’s the best perk a company can offer employees? Time to relax and focus. In Advertising, we’re expected to produce an insane amount of creative pieces in little time. Creativity and pressure don’t go well. Also, a short amount of time during the month to do the things we can’t during the weekend.

87: Where do you like going for walks? Lower East Side or Montmartre.

88: If you found out you would inexplicably fall down dead in one year, what would you change about your life? I would travel non stop so that I could drop dead somewhere cool.

89: What movie have you seen more than seven times? It might be a tie between Pulp Fiction and the Godfather Series.

90: Most people want to be wealthy for one reason or another. Why do you would want to be wealthy? To travel.

91: What’s the best thing you could tell someone to cheer them up when they are feeling down? My grandmother used to say “Someday, when you look back at a bad moment in your life, you’re gonna laugh about it”. Wherever she is, I know she looks down and reminds me in my dreams from time to time.

92: When you were a kid, what movie did you watch over and over again? Mary Poppins... and The Godfather 1 when no one was watching.

93: What’s the worst trait a person can have? No empathy.

94: If you could know one truth about yourself, history, the world, or even the universe, what truth would you want to know? Is someone out there?

95: What’s your favorite souvenir that you have? Our cheesy “Oia” sign. It reminds me of the best honeymoon in the world.

96: What would you do if someone left a duffle bag filled with $2,000,000 on your back porch? Buy a small apartment in NYC, buy another near the beach in Rincón. Leave the rest for Mía.

97: If everything in your house had to be one color what color would you choose? Black.

98: What would your warning label say if every person was required to have one? Don’t get her angry. You wouldn’t like her when she’s angry.

99: What weird childhood fear do you still kind of hold on to? Big waves.

100: What’s the most polarizing question you could ask your group of friends? That’s the funny thing about us. There is not one polarizing thing we could ask each other. We talk and share EVERYTHING in our lives. The good, the bad, the disgusting, the inappropriate. Even the things we are ashamed to admit or share. That’s true friendship.

[catchsukiyuuri]

little rant bc i can’t talk to anyone else

tw: suicide mention i guess. i’ve never attempted i just think about it. also anxiety, depression, and sex mentions 

anyway that was probably unnecessary bc i know no one reads anything i post but i just wanted to vent a little and i don’t know who i can talk to. 

i bet all these complaints will sound petty to everyone because in theory my life should be perfect, so i get a lot of shit about how i should be grateful and how my problems are so first-world or whatever. they are, i know, so if you want to tell me that, please don’t... i don’t really need it right now. or actually, if you told me that, i’d probably be happy that someone read through one of my posts??? 

now it just sounds like i’m an attention-wh*re, which i am, so i can’t even deny it 

anyway i’ll make a nice numbered list for easier reading 

1. i’m a freshman in college in the US 

2. i was rejected from every school i applied to, save 2: a school more expensive than it’s worth, and my safety: the state school that everyone at my competitive high school considered “safety”

3. in reality it’s not a bad school, and i got a decent scholarship 

4. according to a chart i found of SAT score to scholarship, based on my SAT score i should have gotten a higher scholarship and that makes me salty even if my scholarship was decent 

5. i’m about to lose my scholarship because i don’t think i did well enough this semester 

6. (i could rant about my classes here... but i won’t to save some space) 

7. my parents and older brother (who essentially is like a third parent due to our age gap) will give me a lot of shit for losing my scholarship 

8. i have trouble being interested in course material and the one thing i wanted to learn was environmental science (which my parents shit on me for, but that’s another story) 

9. i took 2 environmental courses this semester and didn’t do well enough in them, and i wasn’t interested in them, so i guess i’m not interested in anything 

10. not only am i not interested, i’m generally just a not-interesting lump. i have no party tricks or fun facts and icebreakers fucking suck 

11. my high school friends all still talk to each other on a daily basis, but not to me 

12. high school friend A goes to the same school as me and lives in the same dorm building as me. high school friend B goes to school across the country and these two friends still talk all the time (one of them told me on the rare chance we talked). friend A pretty much never talks to me despite the fact we live in the same building. 

13. high school friend C goes to the same school as my long distance boyfriend. she visited my school once without telling me and went partying with friend A 

14. i have never been to a party or had alcohol or any drugs. i know that it’s not for everyone, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be, whatever. part of me still feels like i’m missing out. sometimes i want to get wild, but i don’t want to do anything that would make my bf unhappy 

15. to be clear: bf says it’s ok if i go to parties, i just don’t want to do anything wrong. 

16. i have been diagnosed with anxiety/depression. i was in intensive outpatient care for about 2 months. i am taking medication. 

17. the facility i went to said i would not be charged any money and that my insurance covered everything. they are now sending bills to my parents’ house

18. my parents fight a lot and that’s another problem of its own. they always seem like on the edge of divorce 

19. my bf does not understand anxiety/depression. he is not good at listening to me and i can’t even critique him bc he doesn’t believe me and thinks he’s already being fair. he makes me feel selfish for not thinking about our future together and the future family we’ll have, etc etc, for burdening him and worrying him with my suicidal thoughts. he asks things like aren’t i cured yet, should i just take more medication, i have to stop venting about my suicidal thoughts because it’s manipulative and i’m threatening him 

20. i really just wanted to vent, that’s all. i’m sorry. everything eventually turns into i’m sorry, and i’ve brought up him being manipulative before but he has a way of turning me into being in the wrong every time 

21. i can’t tell anymore if i’m wrong, he’s wrong, what’s right what’s wrong, anything. 

22. i tried to express wanting a female best friend to my bf and he’s just kinda brushing off my concerns, saying he never had a friend like that, that i’ll find friends better than my hs friends in college 

23. but it’s been a year of college and finding friends is hard, especially people that jive with me bc i’m kinda just a depressed little shit. 

24. whenever i complain about schoolwork to bf he can’t sympathize because he’s in med school and his work is so much harder, so it just devolves into me comforting him. then later he’ll apologize and say he was just touchy from not sleeping etc 

25. i had vaginismus and that severely depleted my self esteem for a while. i felt worthless and less than human.

26. i just want a really close friend who i can talk to about everything without being judged. my boyfriend judges me for suicide. my current friends would judge me about sex. no one can help me feel better about my grades. my brother wants to be there for me, but he judges me too and tells me off for not being a better daughter to my parents. 

27. i’ve talked to a few friends in hs about everything before, but they eventually cut me off and i have to switch to another person to burden 

28. i don’t mind comforting people too. i know i’m not the best at it bc i’m not good at anything but i would gladly comfort someone for some comfort in return 

29. i just want to be a Good Person (TM) 

30. sometimes ppl will say i can talk to them about anything, but we don’t really talk on a regular basis and i don’t want to burden them with all my stupid shit. 

31. i do have a therapist but she’s pretty old and i’ve told her about most things except i can’t fully articulate my undying love for yuri on ice and that’s like, core to my existence ever since i watched it

32. i’ve been so desperate for friends i’ve messaged a few random people on tumblr trying to talk to them and make internet friends. i’m really jealous of people who have large networks of internet friends and seem close to internet people and then meet them irl or whatever. people who say they’re married to each other and stuff. that feels even more precious than a romantic relationship (and i’m afraid to tell this to my bf, who would probably feel betrayed) 

33. i’m so shitty at life i can’t even make internet friends? wow :,) 

anyway thanks for reading if you somehow got this far. i hope you have a wonderful day!!!

[herrunawaystories-blog]

10 THINGS I LEARNED (SO FAR), 100+ DAYS AFTER I WENT ABROAD

March 23, 2017: “The things that don’t kill you, only make you stronger”

A dramatic title! Or for some particular reason I might “just” be a dramatic person. So first of all, it took me more than 100 days later to finally write a post and have the courage to test my English-grammar-skills. It’s honestly “a climb” to improve my not-so-but-I-guess-okay-capacity to communicate with the German Language and the fact that I’m not entirely certain with my current English Grammar. But hey…I love writing and before this post comes up, I’d probably read it a couple of times to spare myself from more embarrassment.

Grammatically speaking… This post is not (really) about noun-verb-connections. It’s about something more scary: ADULT INDEPENDENCE 101. Let’s RECAP, 100 days ago, I flew to Germany to work and (to see the world), but honestly more on the work and study part. Yes… I know the studying part is quite endless. I too, actually wonder, when will it end but since the answer is at the moment blurry…I’m still studying at 26. (And I’m curious why mom and dad find it so great?)

So, when you decide on something massive, like moving out from your parents’ house, 6, 444 miles away, on your own, thinking that everything is going to be okay, I’m sorry to tell you that it’s NOT. I’m not a mean person, in fact I’m telling the truth. But it’s NOT that all BAD either. There are of course some perks and surprises. But hey that’s just the way life is, a balance of good and challenging experiences. And so, for one, I wrote all of my experiences and in congruence to that, 10 things that I learned about life, now that I’m so far away from all of the things that I was once used to.

IT’S HARDER TO SPEND YOUR OWN INCOME. I never really had the chance to fully understand this understatement. My parents would usually sponsor my financial deficiencies and I honestly don’t have to worry. I mean everybody knows how difficult dealing with your own money is. And now I find it more difficult to whether I’d buy something that I really (really) want or sparing it for the future. I’d die of wanting to buy something out of lust and find myself deciding to return it and just walking away from it while repeating the Mantra “Do not return”.  It’s funny how my brain tells me to get it and how my conscience tells me otherwise. But 100 days later I’ve gotten used to it. One thing that I learned is: “Do not indulge on small, petty things. Save your money for the best, most important and unexpected occurrences of your life”.

THE ART OF BUDGETING IS KEY. It is the ultimate key of survival albeit wherever you are. But then you have to make new adjustments every now and then, depending on your needs (and not distinctly according to what you only want). But the most important aspect is that: “You make it all fit in. You make it work. And you stay firm.”

LONELINESS IS A CHOICE. This word is sad enough as a word. (LOL). That’s probably one of my many concerns before deciding to work outside my country. But the gift of time changes one’s illusion about life. You see time is an endless element and when a person uses it wisely, a lot of things can happen in a day. I guess, what I’ am trying to imply and what I had probably been doing this past four months, is using my time here in Germany on a happier scale and not on the depressive part. You can be physically lonely but you don’t have to feel alone. In the same way that you are not the only person on an island (unless you literally are) and that possibilities and opportunities towards reaching out are always abundant.

TO TRAVEL IS ALWAYS A GOOD INVESTMENT. You’d be surprise of how things are vastly different but still beautiful from one country to another. And I’ve been to only 2 European Countries and I want go further and experience more: the sights, the people, the culture, the food and so on. Diversity is more to what my camera can capture. And I wished I can do better and share it with the people I love at home. Personally, I think it is better to invest on good memories than buying an expensive signature bag that can only fit basically 3 to 5 items.

A LANGUAGE IS THE SOUL OF THE COUNTRY. I have to be honest, I learned German to be able to work here in Germany and as communication medium between me and my colleagues and also my patients. Which is basically the purpose of the course. But now that I’m really using it as part of my daily life I have to say that I understood more than just what the person is saying but also how they feel. The emotions strike through me: happiness, sadness, fear, excitement, loneliness and more. I finally understand now, that the language of a country is the fabric the holds its culture together: how the people of a place express their nationality, their traditions and their customs. And yes…I love every bit of the German Language the same way I love my mother tongue and the same way I was able to get through with my English Grammar.

THERE’S MORE OF YOU THAT YOU DON’T KNOW YET. It’s funny how you thought that you already figured yourself out and discover that you can actually do more. Made me smile that I’ve been trying new things and eventually find out that I’ am capable, I find it amusing and that I never thought I can do something like that. I mean, COOKING by the way. There’s actually more, like not eating rice 3 times a day, 7 days a week. That’s a compromise that I find so hard to accomplish. And 100 days later, here I’ am still alive and writing how ridiculous it is to be able to adapt to such change. One more example, I never thought I’d sweat at 10 Degrees.

INSURANCE IS IMPORTANT BUT D*#@ EXPENSIVE. Maybe I’m just too grown up and that I find myself day dreaming about my future. Not that 3-to-5 years-kind-of-future but the one that’s too far away, when I’m all wrinkly with gray hair kind-of-future. I still however find being ensured very important, I just never expected that insurance companies would also secure a good price. But I learned… and it’s fine. All things in life, those that are important cost more. And you should never be frugal when comes to these things. Health is still more important than Versace.

THE TIME ZONE DIFFERENCE IS A BRAIN TWISTER. Well you wake up and the people back home are eating lunch. You just finished lunch and the people back home are about to sleep. You’re about sleep and they’re at the peak of breaking dawn. And here I’ am counting the hours thinking if they are working, sleeping or watching whatever. Time is already too confusing for me and the Time Differences make it worst. I arrived here last December and I’ am 7 hours late than my parents in the Philippines and this coming spring I’ll be only 6 hours late. Why? I don’t know. The geographical explanation is too broad for me. Or maybe I wasn’t paying attention in school back then.

SOME THINGS JUST TAKE TIME. Is it just me or I just learned a lot of things about time? It’s to versatile. It can stretch towards extremes. It can be too fast or it can be to slow. Sometimes you chase after it sometimes you wait for it. But with adaptation it requires all measures. But what’s important is, you take (your new) life one day at a time. You work accordingly, sometimes you need to hurry up because time is almost up, sometimes you take work lightly while there’s still time. Also, every person has their own respective time. You can’t compare your clock value with other people. The situation, like people is always different, slightly the same but never exactly identical. That’s why you can’t pressure yourself with what or how fast others can achieve something. Things happen perfectly according to one’s own time.

FAMILY IS STILL EVERYTHING. Well apart from bigger dreams and greener Pasteur, I personally decided to go beyond boarders not just for me but for my family. It entails sacrifice with almost everything (that includes basically numbers): Distance, Time, Currency and an infinite amount of love that surpasses every challenge that I encountered so far. And it’s not just me… I’m sure somewhere not too far from where I’ am, there’s a Filipino who feels the same. And I’ am actually proud and happy because it is our innate nature (as a Filipino), without obligation to still find the heart to help without anything in return. And to share what you have, to the extent that you have less than what you gave, has always been difficult. And it’s funny because we still do it anyway.

And about the photos, I always wanted to shoot (with my camera) in the woods. But not as little riding hood, though the concept would have been epic. So, we went to this little town called Bastei, and hiked all the way to heaven. Just because it everything was heavenly at the top… Hoped you like the photos as much as like taking them.

And now that I’ve written 1,655 words in this article, then I think it’s already sufficient and also close to boring.  I shall therefore end this post with day dreams and may fluffy unicorns navigate your way to the most colorful rainbow.

[jeannestreetmedium]

Finding Our Voice on Matters of Race in an Energy Sensitive World

Angels Don’t Lie June 26th 2020 with guest Billie Streets

In this Session Billie opened up the conversation on Racism. Talking about race we must first acknowledge and understand the truth of the history of racism in this country – not the whitewashed version we all learned in school.

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  We have to be willing to have the hard conversations.

We have to be willing to be uncomfortable.

We have to hear from each other – how all of this feels, be willing to answer and ask the questions on our heart.

We can never stop listening!

Speak up!

We all have to step up with our friends and family.

If someone says something racist or inappropriate about race, sexual preference, religion….

Stop them in their tracks – let them know it’s not ok and let them know why it’s not ok for you.

Educate – Educate – Educate

Educate yourself – read, watch, listen

Educate your children

Join organizations, clubs or activities that will enable you and or your children to have exposure to from different races and backgrounds.

Support – Donate – Volunteer

Support organizations doing work that you think important in support of black and brown people.

Can be through your time – your gift or your treasure.

Support minority or black owned businesses.

We have to begin to put our $$ where our hearts are!

This place and time!

I believe we are in this place and time because we need to be

We are exactly where we are meant to be

All of the “stuff” that’s coming to the top has been there for many years

It was just a matter of time before it began to boil over.

But God! Faith, Hope & Love

For me personally, I believe that we have to believe in something – God, Jehovah, Buddah, Allah, Universe, Source….

Whatever brings you closer to a higher power.

The type of transformative change we need will require genuine faith, hope, love, grace, mercy and a whole lot of prayer. 

Recent devotional – God doesn’t have a problem with making possible what we think is impossible.

Matthew 19:26 – "Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

Patience – It’s going to take time! 

Lasting, progress & change takes time!

It’s not going to happen overnight.

This change and progress will be uncomfortable – it won’t be easy.

There will be many times where it just won’t feel good.

Sometimes we’re going to just have to sit with a lot of questions with seemingly no answers in sight. An early 1900’s Austrian – German Poet wrote – 

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day, into the answer.” – Poet Rainer Maria Rilke

In these times, we need to remember to be gentle and kind with ourselves and each other.

Really important time for us all to be mindful and responsible for our mental, physical and emotional health.

Last but not least!

In such a transformative time in history there’s learning in our leaning in and understanding asking what can I do? what part can I play?

We will ultimately have to get past protesting – protesting is a great way of spreading the word but it’s only the beginning. 

We will need to strengthen healthcare systems, education, create and teach economic empowerment in black and brown communities and so much more.

It’s going to be a long hard road but I am hopeful when we get to the other side that the future will be very bright!

We have to lean in to love and trust our inner knowing.

We must come to learn that our differences make us stronger.

 The diversity of color, age, race, nationality, sexual orientation need to be intertwined in our thought word and deed.

We cannot thrive without each other 

In Zulu there’s a word – Ubuntu

One we in America can definitely learn from, It speaks to the ability to show compassion, love, peace, reciprocity, dignity and humanity to our fellow humans. It’s a spirit of oneness and the interconnectedness of all life

Desmond Tutu described it as – “My humanity is inextricably bound up in yours.’ We belong in a bundle of life.”

Ubuntu says," I am Because we are"!

By Billy Streets

Check out this episode!

[thinktwice222]

It’s been a while

And you haven’t changed.  Just kidding, I don’t know who you are, so who knows if you have changed or not.  Is nothing still nothing, some might presume, yes, in fact it is. Climbing down from my podium now.

What’s up with direct eye contact? Has it ever needed to be a thing?

So anyways, I have been extruding art lately.  I was thinking about drawing a little fun glyph.  Glyph is not the right word but it seems right. Glyph is representative of an action.  At least that’s what I think of in my mind.  Have you ever thought about how Egyptian glyphs , well not even, we don’t need to go that far back.  The chinese alphabet is much more complex.  You know why english sucks?  the same 26 letters you use to form all the emotions you can have in the world.  Now, you can be as smart as how many words you know to express that rainbow of a personality, or you can rely heavily on tonal changes. implications, sub context, subtext. Whatever it is.  You wanna know how to miscommunicate?  Speak the English language and have a small daily vocabulary. 

That was a weird topic, but on here I try not to limit myself to anything. especially weird rants.  I’m really self conscious about my point of view on things, because there is no where to express it or have a valid space to get your brain sorted or work through biased opinions.  

Someone the other day was struggling with spelling.  I knew where they were at, and still am sheepish when I go to right a word more times than not..  That didn’t stop me from projecting my voice of authority to spell out sandwich, which at one point I definitely had a uphill battle with.  I hope they cared more about the figuring of sandwich over my indirect communication of the spelling by spelling out over people.  It’s the answer to the question, lets just hope that it was not unacceptable.

I smoked a fair amount again today. Im not sure what a fair amount its, but its when I decide its too much.  The highs aren’t that great all the time, and some have made me more than ancy.  I’ll probably soon concider the implications of long term smoke and how to make it a viable interaction while I still can enjoy the experience.  Or get a bong, jk, I have been reading dan harmon’s saved myspace entries.  Its the mid 2000s for more than a few years.  He’s really brash, and I’m jealous of his aptness to put whatever he feels, just a straight up journal to people he knows.  I want to get there at one point, rip the bandaid off.  I don’t want secrets,  well, I don’t need them.  

Don’t you love when you realize that a shirt of yours has a distinctive smell?  like a smell that is super comforting?  my shirts like that right now.  It’s kind of a salty and sweet smell.  Makes me think that maybe if I just swam in the ocean more often (jk again cause I live in Baltimore) that it’d magically turn my anxiety b.o. into something wonderful.  I’ll still give it a try at one point.

I can’t wait till I can have an apartment of my own.  I would also like a 50 l. bag of salt next to my bath. I would have a tub.  

Everyone should write more, meaning I should right more.....write more... my spelling mistakes are funny, usually putting an extra voul, or tradeing some hard or soft concenents.  I’m leaving that sentence as is just to give my spelling a good bow.  Yes brain, we know that you see spelling as a social construct that encourages policing and gets rid of regional dialect with the over tones of being poor and uneducated.  I almost spellchecked my kudos sentence.  I should maybe read more, but maybe its tension headaches that keep me away.  Well my eyes never want to focus on much.  

to smoke or to not smoke. smoke. I got to pack some new stuff in there too.  Not sure How discrete I need to be in this day and age but I’m pretty sure I have been open about those habits, or will be at one point in the future. 

What else.  music session got pushed again.  Wednesday now, really I’m over caring and my brain has been able to decide i’d buy a new drum set if anything happen, no problem.  I’m glad I have been semi responsible with my money, even though I have been pretty reckless with it.  But money is for spending, and I think I have gotten to the point were I am going to have a good understanding of money and its value in my life.  but first art.  I hate all these big backspaces between the paragraphs, It makes my thoughts, although separate, way to separate.  Like English channel separate.  Each new paragraph, you get a new country.  And new spellings, I don’t like to look up from the keyboard while poking all my keys.  My muscle memory will at one point return and maybe Ill just end up typing with my eyes closed.  Now wouldn’t that be the absolute dream. communication without having to use your damn eyes, obviously I have a thing against them. I type weird anyways. kinda like some weird long tendrilled vermin. or demon. another sentence full of verbal disbelief, I mean I cant spell at all.  People say home keys help but I don’t think that’s the way, every way has the alternative, I need what ever the opposite of home key standard is.  The android to the apple. Give me that sweet sweet alternative culture. Is there a style thats good for soul? like you know the music, that style but in expressive dance or gesture...... or typewriting.  It’s like how to use a hammer to expediently and save energy, you use your whole arm in the swing, directing with the shoulder. Or how you paint with your whole arm.  

New space. new country. I love rambling, maybe this is where my rambles will live. somewhere in the limbo of total existence and lack there of 

[demitgibbs]

Emily Estefan Talks Miami Beach Pride, Famous Parents

Miami Beach Pride is a weeklong celebration, April 1-7, with special events, social mixers, dance events, a VIP gala, an incredible 2-day festival and Parade.

Miami Beach Pride brings together members of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender community, their friends, allies, and supporters in celebration of the unique spirit and culture of the LGBT community.

Nowhere is this spirit and enthusiasm more apparent than during extraordinary two-day Festival on Saturday and Sunday that features two stages with world-class DJs, entertainers, and celebrity entertainers. Special surprise performances throughout the day, along with 125 vendor booths, food and cocktails at Lummus Park in world-famous South Beach. The festival also includes the Pridelines Youth District and Safe Zone, Lambda Living Lounge, BB&T Food Pavilion, “The Garden of Eve” Women’s tent and many family friendly activities.

Coming into its 11th year anniversary year, Miami Beach Pride has grown into one of the most popular and anticipated events of the entire year in Miami Beach. The hugely successful event in 2011 attracted more than 40,000 people, in 2012 more than 60,000 people, in 2013 more than 80,000 people, in 2014 more 100,000 and in 2015, 2016 and 2017. In 2018 more than 145,000 people from all walks of life, all parts of the country, and all age groups attended the celebration.

The mission of Miami Beach Pride is to bring together members of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender community, their friends, allies, and supporters in celebration of the unique spirit and culture of the LGBTQ community.

Miami Beach Pride is proud to announce their 2019 Ally Marshals, Judy and Dennis Shepard, parents of Matthew Shepard and founders of the Matthew Shepard Foundation, who will be helping kick off Pride’s 11th annual celebration on Miami Beach.

Coming off of the 20th anniversary of the attack on University of Wyoming student, Matthew Shepard, the Matthew Shepard Foundation has been working tirelessly to erase hate crimes and foster understanding, compassion, and acceptance for the LGBTQ community.

Leading these efforts, Judy and Dennis Shepard have spent two decades working to provide a safe place for LGBTQ youth, and educate parents and allies on how to stand up for the LGBTQ community. Judy and Dennis were also instrumental in helping pioneer the first federal legislation against hate crimes, the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act.

There are many headliners this year led by Emily Estefan, the daughter of Gloria and Emilio Estefan.

Emily’s career has spanned across several platforms that have included writing, producing and performing music. From the years 2008-2013, Estefan performed with Miami Sound Machine at the Bette Midler Happy Hulaween event and with Carole King and Estefan’s mother at Foxwoods. She recorded a guitar solo and joined a list of respected artists on the track “Somos El Mundo” (“We Are The World”) to help raise money for the earthquake victims in Haiti, another guitar solo for Gloria Estefan’s album “Miss Little Havana” and for Carlos Santana’s song “Besos de Lejos”.  

In 2015, she premiered on Entertainment Tonight, playing her first original song and music video “F#ck To Be,” which celebrated individuality and the importance of not acquiescing to society’s expectations. Her original song “I Just Want It To Be Over” premiered at the Miami Beach 100 concert and was featured on The Today Show.  

After having graduated from the prestigious Berklee College of Music in 2016 at the age of 21 where she earned a bachelor’s degree in Contemporary Writing and Production with a minor in Philosophy, Estefan created her own record label, Alien Shrimp Records. Soon thereafter, the label signed a multi-year distribution deal with Sony Red in order to help spread her “music for the planet” mantra, which expresses Emily’s belief that music not only reaches across cultures and oceans, but space and time as well.  

In the same year, Emily, wrote, performed and produced her debut album, “Take Whatever You Want.” Since then, she has continued writing and producing original music and performing at music festivals like Essence, SXSW, and GroundUp Music Fest, to name a few. 

“I just want to tell my stories, put out good energy and love into the world, and not be afraid to be my true self in my music,” she says.

View this post on Instagram

  Who says teleportation doesn’t exist when music is one of the most potent entities around us all? Let go of your fears and let the music take you where it wants to… get out of the way of it. You don’t have to play … dance, cry, listen… but let it wash over you and take control… you won’t regret it. ———————————————————————- 🎸: @edbrad777 I love you, thank you. 🥁: @ginesdrum I love you, thank you. 👔👠: @holagemeny I love you, thank you. See you all out there soon 🦋.

A post shared by Emily Estefan (@emily_estefan) on Mar 9, 2019 at 10:23am PST

It was a pleasure to sit down with Emily, who will perform on Saturday, April 6 at 9pm,  for this Hotspots Exclusive interview:

Do you remember the first time you sang and where it was?

Yes, I started singing by myself, and I kept it that way for a long time to make sure that I had my own voice.

The first time I sang in public was at a small bar gig.

What was your first professional singing gig?

The first performance gig I got paid for was for being a drummer. I was part of a band throughout my high school years and we played parties and bars in Miami, Miami Springs, and Vero Springs. I played almost every weekend until I went away to college.

When did you realize that performing would be your career?

I went to high school to play basketball and was considering Med School. But you can only run away from your passion for so long. I started in a summer performance program at Berkley the summer before college started, and from then on I knew I would be a performer.

View this post on Instagram

  Growing up has taught me a lot … first of all .. that truly growing means never reaching anything .. just continuing to evolve and learn.. that is what we are here to do..forever grow until our time on earth is done. Mom, I love you so much. At first, hearing over and over “that I sound like you” made me question my musical identity, and sent me into a flurry of negative emotions. It made it hard for me to let go. But that is a selfish emotion. The only person I was actually up against, was myself. Music is not for the self, it’s for all. It’s from the soul of an individual, to all, for all, for always. I sing from MY voice. You and dad created my skin and bones, you have shown me time and time again what it means to be a true, beautiful human being, and musician: a mission I try to keep in front of my face every single day. So.. if anyone hears a similarity in our voices, then I am honored. I am proud. But I know now, standing inside of myself.. you have created me with my own voice, my own things to say, and my own way of transmitting what I have to offer this world. And that is what I will do until the day I die. I am proud to come from you, I am blessed to come from you… and I can’t wait for everyone to see how much love filled that room, and how every single musician that honored you, not only had their own voice and vision while expressing your beautiful music, but came from a selfless pure place of love, to celebrate two incredible human beings, Immigrants, Americans, musicians, and game changers. See you May 3 on @pbs for a beautiful tribute to two true legends. I love you @emilioestefanjr @gloriaestefan ———————————————————————————👠🎩👗: @holagemeny 💋💄✍️: @sidneyjamila 💇🏻‍♀️💆🏻‍♀️🌹: @hairbygeorgina

A post shared by Emily Estefan (@emily_estefan) on Mar 15, 2019 at 9:26am PDT

Is it easier or harder having such famous parents?

If you had asked me that question a couple years ago, I would have said it was harder since no matter what I did, without even hearing my voice, people assumed I would have doors opening for me. My mom is a pop star, and I don’t sing that type of music. I sing Jazz and Funk. However, nowadays I firmly believe it’s a blessing. They give me so much support and wisdom, etc. I am very proud to have them as my parents as they are two of the most incredible human being on earth.

Are you excited to be performing at Miami Beach Pride and what should our readers expect from your performance?

I am super excited as we have attended every year. Last year I saw a shirt that sticks out in my mind it said LGBTQ and then that was crossed out and the word Human was written…what a powerful message that was! I have learned that that Hate is not the opposite of Love, Fear is, and Pride is a day to celebrate all the differences that we have.

I am so excited to perform for everyone as its going to be super fun!

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  The mothership is landing @miamibeachpride 👽👽👽👽see you APRIL 6 @9pm with my aliens to celebrate love, light, and HUMANS!!! Let’s do ittttttttt🦋🦋🦋🦋 #Repost @miamibeachpride ・・・ JUST ANNOUNCED: @emily_estefan is our Saturday headliner! She’s performed and collaborated with Carlos Santana, Carole King, etc… Now, Emily Estefan is taking us out of this world as #MiamiBeachPride’s Saturday headliner! ✨☄️⠀ ⠀ Move to the talented singer, songwriter and performer’s cosmic sounds at the Celebrity Cruises stage on Saturday, April 6, at 9 PM! Click the link in our bio to learn more ☝️ #pride2019 #lgbtqiapride

A post shared by Emily Estefan (@emily_estefan) on Mar 26, 2019 at 10:16am PDT

What does the future hold for you?

My personal goal is to “refocus for the moment” and not worry about what coming in the future. Don’t get me wrong, goals and dreams are important, but I want to focus in being in the moment and enjoy every single second.

I hope the future has me performing, which is what I love!

For more info on Emily, follow her on Instagram.com/Emily_Estefan.

The other headliners include:

Icona Pop – This Swedish Electro Pop duo, whose breakout hit “I Love It” (featuring Charli XCX) topped charts around the world in 2013. The triple-platinum winning Icona Pop will hit the Celebrity Stage in Lummus Park on Sunday, April 7, at 9 pm.

Tito Puente Jr.  –Sway to supernova sounds as acclaimed Latin musician and percussionist Tito Puente Jr performs at the TD Bank Stage on Sunday, April 7 at 8pm! Son of Tito Puente, the “King of Latin Music,” Tito Puente Jr carries on his father’s legacy with charisma and panache—and you get to hear him right here in Miami Beach.

Some of the DJ’s spinning are:

Sat April 6 (6-10 pm)

International DJ superstar Erik Vilar brings his signature beats to the TD Bank Stage. Move your body to the Brazilian DJ’s energetic mixes at one of the most legendary dance parties the cosmos has ever seen, presented by AHF and Impulse Group! ⠀

Sun April 7 (2pm)

Dance to galactic beats by the sensational DJ Duo Sea & Gunn at the TD Bank Stage. You can join them afterwards at the “Cowgirl Invasion” Women’s Tent for a special meet and greet with the star of Showtime‘s “The L Word”: Daniela Sea!

Sun April 7 (7-11pm)

Prepare for blastoff with Kidd Madonny’s mesmerizing blend of vocals, progressive house and electro sounds at the Celebrity Cruises Stage. The DJ’s unforgettable performances complete with laser beams and costume changes will transport us to galaxies far away!

For a full list of all the parties, events, performers, honorees or to purchase tickets (pride is free, but there is a VIP Tent) go to: miamibeachpride.com.

South Beach Group, the official hotel sponsor of Miami Beach Pride, offers special rates for Pride attendees who use the promo code: SBGPride at www.southbeachgroup.com/pride.

from Hotspots! Magazine https://hotspotsmagazine.com/2019/04/04/emily-estefan-talks-miami-beach-pride-famous-parents/ from Hot Spots Magazine https://hotspotsmagazine.tumblr.com/post/183939019185