#22.10.20

[kesitkesitilmek]

22.10.20”

çok şey anlatıyor değil mi? bu tarih uzun uzun bakacağım bir tarih. her ayın 22 sinde göz dolmalarım 05.01.2023 bu da bitişi

ağır zor ben bitirmek istedim sende kabullendin okul sıralarında aydın doğanın o lise sıraları şahit sana bitirelim dediğimdeki yüreğimi bırakışıma profili silmen biyografiyi sonra fotoğrafları kıyafetleri giyeceğim demiştin hırkanı vermeyi teklşf ettiğimde sende kalsın diyişin sana çıkarttığım resimlerin odamda duracak diyişlerin sana almakla uğraştığım o pahalı mont tüm paramı bitirmiştim ama değer demiştim beraber aldığımız yeşil sweat sonradan kızmışlardı sana.. sana aldığım deri ceket birlikte giyeriz diye aldığımız sarı sweatler uyumlu olalım diye evden çıkmadan konuşmalarımız bunlar gözümün önünden hiç gitmiyor ki benim çağanı her dinlediğimde aklıma gelişlerin seni ayrıldıktan sonra minibüs bekliyordun nehiri cafeye meydanda götürüyordum orda gördüm uzunca baktın başını çevirdin gördüm ama görmemezlikten gelmiştim unutamıyorum iki yabancı oluşumuzu sonrasında da okulda sınavım vardı telafi sorumluluk sigara içiyordun köşede yine uzunca bakmıştın çekip gitmiştim son olarak da bursa gezisi… uzun uzun bakıştık yazıklar olsun bize el ele gezmemiz gerekirdi ayrı ayrı değil ve sevgilin olduğunu o gece öğrendim bizim şarkımızı paylaşmıştın camiden çıktığında beni görüşün bunlar bilmiyorum sana saçma geliyor olabilir ne yapacağımı inan bilmiyorum kafayı yiyecek gibi oluyorum özgeymiş kızın adı ona nasıl baktın nasıl ellerinden tuttun

[yejiarchives]

[22.10.20]

💭 7:23 PM KST

“I’m going to the convenience store with Lia”

💭 7:57 PM KST

“The background is different and the mood is different”

“How about a hotteok mood”

“It’s my first hotteok this winter”

“I’ll have to take a bite first.”

“Yes, it’s delicious”

“Did our M!DZYs eat lunch?”

“Oh I said lunch” “I meant dinnerㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ“

”How about a singer who reminds you to eat lunch at this hour”

“It’s more important that midzys eat more than me.”

“Do I eat durian cake?”

“Is there such thing..?”

“Even if that’s a thing, I’m not very much interested.”

“I’m saying this because everyone’s been worrying that I hurt my finger”

“It’s a bit scratched”

“But I put band-aid on it”

“Don’t worry~!~!”

“Someone asked who hurt my treasure”

“So sweet..”

“It’s the lid of the bathtub…”

“Please scold it..!”

“They’re telling me not to wash up anymore”

“Midzys are you serious?”

“Someone said they’ll still love me even if I don’t wash up..”

“Is this true love..?”

“🤭🖤💗🖤”

“It even made midzys who said no become serious lovers🤗”

[hirdaniarwidya]

pundak ini rasanya semakin berat

ada banyak yang harus difikirkan, ada banyak yang harus dirubah, ada banyak yang harus diperbaiki, ada banyak yang harus direncanakan, ada banyak yang harus dievaluasi...ada banyak. usia sekarang, bukan lagi soal remeh temeh, bukan lagi retjeh, jangan lagi ini dibuat bercanda, jangan lagi jadi manusia yang let it flow. kamu sudah dewasa, sekali lagi aku ingatkan kamu sudah dewasa...supaya kamu berfikir.

hari-harimu semakin berkurang dan waktu tidak akan pernah menjeda melainkan berjalan, lalu berhenti. apakah kamu senang dengan kesenangan fana ini? apakah kamu senang dengan semua dunia yang akan kamu tinggalkan untuk kamu pertanggungjawabkan nanti? apakah kamu menafikan yang sudah kamu tau? malaikat maut menunggumu setiap hari, jam, menit, bahkan setiap detik. akankah kamu melalaikan perintah dan larangan Allah lagi? kumohon, jangan. karna kamu yang akan menanggungnya nanti. bukan cuma kamu, orang tua juga.

sekarang kamu sudah tau tentang siapa yang tidak memikirkan umat ketika bangun pagi, maka dia bukan umat nabi Muhammad SAW. bagaimana mau mengurus umat sedang ngurus diri sendiri belum becus!? astaghfirullah..

untuk menangisi betapa buruknya dirimu pun kamu belum mampu

Allah, makhlukMu ini sombong sekali

tolong beritahu makhlukMu ya Allah, tolong bimbing aku

di usia ini, ayo melangkah

jangan berdiam diri

duduk duduk manis di tempat

atau malah kembali pulang ke masa yang buruk

lihatlah, terlalu melimpah nikmat Allah yang telah kamu dustakan

iya, tidak bisa menangkal

belajarlah..

belajarlah jadi insan yang beradab dan berilmu

belajarlah.. yang banyak sampai letih

karna tempat beristirahatmu sungguh hanya di Surga

belajarlah..

supaya kamu tidak bodoh

menghilanglah..

menghilanglah dari belenggu syaitan yang berbahagia setiap kali berhasil menggodamu

syaitan terlalu banyak menang, dan kamu terlalu banyak mengalah

hei, kamu ini punya akal ya dipake!

sampai sini dulu pesan untuk kamu

untuk kamu, dari aku

-hirda.

[22.10.20]

yesterday wasn't a special day

yesterday was a reminder

[23.10.20]

[internalizas]

não estou conseguindo dormir direito faz uns dias já

hoje acordei meio estressada, um pouco ansiosa, as coisas parecem fora do lugar

talvez eu chore mais tarde para aliviar a tensão

outubro, 22

[sleepsucks]

[mariojavisilva]

Créditos a quién correspondan.

[stevesarnott]

Johnny Vegas vs. The Paddles

[leeminholinoing]

22.10.20: recap

harry is MIA

promo: golden website

louis is MIA

[yejiarchives]

[22.10.20]

💭 6:59 PM KST

“What are you doingggg”

“My hair looks short because I tied it up…?”

[riverscuomohhh]

Woke up with the Martian song in my head he’s so cute I can’t handle it😩😭

And he finally saved his live to IGTV 🥳🥰

[joshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

Oh this is a smile worth protecting.

This girl’s pretty cute also.

I think this absolute thug loli queen is my favourite girl though, she’s adorable.

So D4DJ episode 1 aired like a week early, and it was pretty good. The first few shots were entirely 2D so the switch to 3D was insanely jarring - neither of the looks are stylised to match the other at all so I was really thrown off. But then once we’ve acclimated to the 3D, yeah it’s pretty decent. Not the best I’ve ever seen, Studio Orange are where you tend to go for that, but the models animate well still, and I like the character designs too so, yeah.

In terms of setup we’re sorta just like, newcomer girl inserts herself into a musical hobby she has no experience with since a particular performance blew her mind. Not super unique and there’s nothing to immediately make it stand out beyond just the genre of music, but I enjoyed it anyway. That genre is obviously DJ shit by the way, which I’m not really into to be honest, but I did like what songs were in this episode so.

Yeah, show seems cool. I’ll keep watching. 

[memoriafilmica]

Martin Eden.

(2019) Pietro Marcello.

[critcharlie]

~ 22.10.20 ~

Family

“You’re my family.”

“No I’m not…not really.”

“Fuck that! Biology and all that bullshit, that doesn’t make a family, love does, and I love you. Okay? Loves makes a family, and I love you... I love you.”

“…I love you too.”

[ellasgedankenkarussell]

Ständig

Und ständig denke ich darüber nach, was andere über uns sagen könnten, was andere über uns sagen, was andere über uns denken könnten, was andere über uns denken.

All’ die Worte, die Andere sagen, treffen mich zu sehr.

Ich halte so viel zurück, nur um dich den Anderen nicht auszusetzen, nur um dich nicht zu verletzen.

Aber diese Worte treffen mich zu sehr, dass ich es nicht abschalten kann, dass ich es nur ertragen kann.

Ich will dich nur beschützen, unsere Nähe, die keiner versteht, aufrechterhalten.

Warum sind alle so gegen uns, wenn wir nichts Unrechtes tun? Warum gibt es so viel Hass, der auf uns lastet?

Warum können wir nicht wir sein?

- Ella

[neverendingparable]

The late October evening had a chill that could bite through even the thickest layers. Stellan found that out as he stepped out of the Institute toward his car.

It got dark fairly quickly nowadays, and with the typical gloomy London weather, the sun barely had any chance to shine throughout the day, making time feel like a foreign concept. It got vaguely brighter in the morning, and vaguely dimmer in the afternoon until darkness settled once again, muffling what little night life the area around Stellan's flat had.

He took a moment to zip up his jacket all the way and pull his cap over his ears to keep out the cold.

Today, despite the weekend being close enough to touch, Stellan couldn't shake the grumpiness that had followed him since he had woken up. 

Fortunately, Jonathan was too busy to bother him and Bradley knew better than to provoke him when he was this way. So Stellan had worked quietly by himself all day, drinking syrupy coffee from the Starbucks across the road to try and cheer himself up.

It only left a lump in his stomach afterwards, sloshing around with a half eaten sandwich as he made his way to his car and got in. He stuck the key in the ignition and turned on the heater, waiting for the hot air to warm up his rosy cheeks a bit.

Today...was Alice's birthday. Usually a day filled with excitement and mischief, but today it had been gloomy, depressing and frustrating. No one had said anything, yet it hung in the air like the fog outside, reminding them of the missing space Alice had once occupied.

The day had always been a hit in the past. While Maelle was often too busy to check up on her workers (so they assumed, as they got away with a lot over the years), they would sneak in alcohol in the least suspicious way and work up to getting tipsy.

At first it had been a game, who could sneak in the most without Rosie or Maelle getting suspicious. Bradley brought in spiked orange juice and vodka in water bottles while Stellan liked the seemingly normal Starbucks coffee that had a few shots of whiskey mixed in mysteriously by the time they arrived at the Institute. 

Alice, a wine junkie, went with the riskiest and - in their opinion - most boring option. She brought along grape juice cartons filled with wine. Since she never drank grape juice and everyone knew her to love red cherry wine, it looked suspicious as hell when once a year, she would bring in two full cartons. 

She would insist that they are filled with grape juice, just never mentioned what in what sort of state that juice was. Whenever Bradley or Stellan expressed disbelief in her luck, she'd simply smile and shrug.

"I'm Maelle's favorite~"

Then Jonathan caught on and wanted to join. He was the worst lightweight they had ever seen and soon the game changed from trying to sneak in the alcohol to trying to prevent anyone from realizing Jonathan was too drunk to walk. They'd get him sloshed before lunch and spend the rest of the day trying to feed him sandwiches and water.

There was the singing, Joshua Egbert would bake a cake and Bradley would come up with horrible puns relating to her current age (which he'd do with everyone's birthdays, unfortunately).

Afterwards, they celebrated once more with Ezra at a local bar and come in the next day regretting it all.

It was a stupid ritual, one that would've gotten them kicked out or at least punished in any other job. But it was fun, it was theirs. Sitting in the cafeteria, sipping their spiked drinks and stifling laughter, it felt like being part of a clique, a fun club that made the grim realities of their work and everyday lives easier to handle.

It just wasn't the same now.

Stellan had tried to call Alice's phone when he was alone for a few minutes. The number wasn't disconnected but she never picked up, letting it ring and ring until it went to voicemail.

It was infuriating. Stellan told himself it was because he felt abandoned, because he felt like she had never cared about them, like she was a two faced bitch who basked in the attention for as long as possible until something better caught her eye and she left them all behind in the dust. Just like Maelle had insinuated.

The real truth was, however, he was scared. Stellan didn't buy the story that she had ran off and he doubted Bradley did either. If Alice truly had found the love of her life, she would've spent five hours minimum talking about her, staring dreamily into the sky until someone physically jerked her back to reality and been as giddy as a high school girl on her first date.

So the story Maelle had fed them was fake - but why? If something happened, why couldn’t they know the truth? Perhaps Alice was being punished for something, perhaps she had ruined work or stolen something and Maelle decided it was better to act as if she had left than to tarnish their reputation. Perhaps she was sitting in jail right now over some petty crime Stellan knew Alice was capable of committing if she was drunk or angry enough at someone.

It sounded reasonable. But there was a nagging fear in the pit of Stellan's stomach, a cold hard lump that refused to go away no matter how much coffee or whiskey he drank. He could feel it when he was walking down the hallways of the Magnus Institute. When he searched the library or the artifacts storage room for an item, when he was walking down the stairs after work and the rooms were all dark.

Bradley had once told him that the Institute was built on top of an old prison. He loved his ghost stories but it turned out to be true when Stellan searched it up. 

He didn’t believe the Institute was actually haunted. Ghosts seemed like a foreign concept, like believing in magic or Santa Claus. They belonged to the frightening wonderful world of childhood, to books and movies, not in the hallways of cold stone. 

Whatever it was, it called to Stellan. It touched something so deep inside, resisting or running seemed useless. It was ancient, eldritch. 

Perhaps it was just his anxiety, or the old human fear of change. So he swallowed the dread and pretended it was annoying him, so sick of wondering about answers that will never come he buried himself deeper into his head and ignored the worrying looks he got.

The car was heated enough now. He started the car and drove off, sending a quiet thought into the gloomy London night.

Happy Birthday, Alice. Where ever you are, I hope you're safe.

~~~

The phone rang. It rang and rang and rang.

Names flashed on the screen.

Stellan. Bradley. Jonathan. Ezra. Stanley S. Joshua. Mum. Dad. Stanley.

Voice messages were left behind.

Call me when you get this.

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday, Alice!

Hey, how are you? Call me when you hear this, we miss you!

Happy birthday! You should come visit again sometime!

Hey honey, haven’t heard from you in a while. Everything alright? We'll come over on Saturday.

Call us sometime, Alice. We miss you!

Hey, where are you?

Eventually the messages stopped. The underground facility returned to being dark and silent, save for, if you listened closely enough, the skittering of tiny legs.

A hand reached out and picked up the phone, discarded when its owner had met a gruesome fate. The screen barely lit up due to the amount of dust it had gathered. Nails clicked against the scratched plastic, typing out a single message before the battery succumbed and died for good.

[eddicent]

Hello, I've been on twitter a lot more, I'm still around but I'm more so liking than reblogging and making posts.