#2023 has so far been a shitty ass year

[izayoichan]

I quite honestly have not touched sims for screenshots in a while, I am kinda eating slowly away at screenshots I already have. I still have some, but because I can, and this game is really really pretty, have some Elden Ring. 

The game I never intended to play, before someone gave it to me to test out, so 40 hours in I can say: Not my type of game, god I hate dying, but holy shit is it pretty! And the music, is on point!

🎶

[trippinsorrows]

with me + part five

authors notes: hi! you guys are so freaking awesome and sweet and like gawww, so grateful for such kind words and support!

so i realized that i used the wwe names for jimmy, jey, naomi, etc. that was my bad. i'll be using their real names moving forward for the sake of flow and consistency.

also keep forgetting to state that current timeline is 2023. like, this chapter is fall 2023. everything, so far, post breakup for joe and reader has been 2023. i plan to follow that timeline, so make of that what you will.

i hope this chapter isn't too boring to people!

warnings: fluff, language, suggestive content

song inspo: with me by destiny’s child

words: 5.7k

tags: @pixiedust4000 @southerngirl41 @yolobloggers @msbigredmachine @wonderingfashion

“So, are we just going to continue to ignore each other?”

You’re not sure how, but you sense his presence long before he even says anything. And instantly, your mood is dampened, not that you were in the best spirits to begin with. You didn’t get much sleep the night before, for reasons you cannot fathom. But, it’s annoying as hell, especially when you have an ex turned fuck buddy who can’t seem to get a fucking clue ready to confront you outside of your daughter's preschool.

Sighing heavily, you pull out your phone to play around with your lock screen, because you really don’t have anyone you need to message in this moment. But, he doesn’t need to know that. “Not now, Amir.”

“Because you’re so busy?”

“Because I don’t care.” One thing you’ve learned about yourself over the years is that once you’re annoyed with someone, there’s no filter on your mouth and you cannot be held liable for what comes out of it. “Now, please, go away.”

He just looks at you, sun shining down on his waves and chocolate complexion. It’s unfortunate outside of his looks that he’s an overall trash partner. Decent friend. Shitty boyfriend. “You always do that shit, you know? Pull and then push. It was kinda cute when we were kids. Now, it’s just annoying.”

You were standing outside of Callie’s preschool, waiting for the kids to be dismissed, waiting for your little girl to come running out with a smile on her face, request on the tip of her tongue. It’s usually something small like wanting to show you what she learned in school. Lately, it’s been the same.

Can I call Joe?

A part of you feels bad for the amount of calls he probably gets in one day just from Callie alone. She took your offer for her to call him whenever he was available to another degree, not that he minded. He took as many as he could, listening to her talk and talk about whatever happened to be on her mind in that moment. And you let her.

What kind of mother would you be if you stopped her from talking to her dad? Even if she doesn’t know that’s who he is. 

It’s been almost two weeks since he left, and she clearly misses him. You often overhear her asking about when he’s coming again. You also receive those questions. It’s something you and him discuss via text but haven’t landed on a date yet. 

Communicating with Joe is also something that’s still an adjustment. It’s not as difficult or uncomfortable, because it’s almost entirely about Callie, but still. 

“If that’s the case, why do you bother?” You manage a less insensitive tone, even if you know good and well you’ve never led this man on. Amir has always heard and believed what he wanted to believe. That was the problem. He never listened to you.

“Because I fucking care about your annoying ass, duh.”

His delivery, the tone, and cadence. You laugh. It’s probably inappropriate at the moment, but it does bring a smile to his face as well. “Softie.”

He moves closer to you, arms crossed. “I’m serious, Y/N. You know how I feel about you. How I’ve always felt about you.” 

Leaning against your car, you respond as calmly as you can, “and you know I’ve always made it clear I’m not looking for anything more. We had our time, Amir. It didn’t work out. Now we just help each other get off. I don’t know why you keep trying to make it more than what it is.”

“A date. One date,” he implores. A waste of time, because your answer is no. It’s been no and will continue to be no. “You haven’t even given ‘adult’ us a chance.”

There’s a headache in your near future, one that’s reminiscent of past ones only Amir seems to induce. It’s interesting how he went from indifferent asshole to clingy asshole. You almost miss the earlier version.

Chocolate was supposed to be good for the soul, so why was he so draining to yours?

“Amir…..” You try to pick your words carefully and be mindful of your tone. “This is getting real old. I think we need to stop messing around, because we’re clearly not on the same page.” The next part is something you probably shouldn’t share, but you call yourself trying to be open and clear. “Calista’s dad is back, and we’re trying to navigate coparenting, so—” 

“What?” He stops you, shock written over his handsome face. “Are you serious? You’re letting that motherfucker back in ya’ll life?”

This time, it’s his tone that jumps, accusatory and harsh. You immediately grow defensive. “You don’t know him.”

“God, why do you defend him like this? Is it that Stockholm Syndrome shit? He left you. He left you and his kid. What kind of man does that? And you’re just letting him back in? Just gonna jump back on his dick? Letting him around Callie? She’s old enough now to remember when he decides to leave again. I don’t get how you don’t see that. You her mama. You supposed to look out for her.”

And now, you’re done trying to be nice, trying to be mindful that he’s still another human being with feelings. Because one thing you never have and never will tolerate is someone insinuating you’re not looking out for your daughter. You’re not perfect, but you know that you’re a devoted, dutiful mother. 

“It’s obvious comprehension isn’t your strong suit, which I should have known based off the fact that I always had to help your dumbass do your homework back when we were in school.” All bets….off. “My baby? My life? My pussy? All my business. You don’t get to judge the decisions I make for my child nor the role that her father has in her life. That’s between me and him. Keep your nose out my fucking business. Don’t worry about me hitting you up anymore. That’s dead.”

Your rose will do just fine. Hell, there’s gotta be at least one other eligible bachelor in town you could fuck if absolutely need be. But, you know damn well you won’t be messaging Amir anymore. He comes with too much baggage. It’s not worth it. You refuse to let a nigga whose height starts with a 5 stress you out.

True to his nature, he starts gaslighting you. Typical Amir. “There you go overreacting and shit.”

“No, I’m not. You’re trying to question my parenting when you don’t know shit about shit.”

He sucks his teeth, rolling his eyes. This was why people used to say you had a temper in high school. Because of him. Because he loved to tell people what you said but never what he did. Always tried to make you feel crazy. Truth be told, you’re stupid for even opening that door with him again, even if it’s just for sex.

“Whatever, Y/N.” He turns to walk back over to his car. You really wish his damn sister would change her work schedule so she can pick up her son instead of this asshole. You’ll catch a case fucking with his dumbass. “I’ll wait for your text.”

He’ll be waiting. “Fuck you, Amir.” 

You should be more mindful of your language at a damn preschool, but Amir has managed to get under your skin, something that hasn’t happened since you were in college. You know a good part of it is because you’re sleep deprived, but you also know it’s partially because of his dig at Joe.

You understand the optics seem to indicate that he’s a deadbeat, but you’ve expressed to Amir countless times that it was a complicated situation. He didn’t know the specifics, but you made it clear Joe didn’t abandon you or Callie. That’s just the narrative Amir keeps running with, and now with Joe being back in your life and especially in Callie’s life, you’re not gonna let it continue. 

“Mommy!” Your head snaps to see and feel Callie run up to and hug her body against your leg. “Boo!”

Shit. Did she hear any of that? You hope not and paste on a smile that’s hopefully authentic enough to sell that everything is fine. “Callie Bear.” You lean down and pick her up, kissing her cheek. “Did you have a good day?”

She nods and starts explaining the activities while you buckle her into her carseat, trying your best to calm down and not give away your high stress levels in that moment. Callie is super perceptive, and you don’t want to ruin the obviously great day she’s had.

And sure enough, as you’re putting on your seatbelt and starting up the car, the golden question is shouted with pre-excitement. 

“Can I call Joe when I get home?”

Smiling at her through the rearview mirror, you answer, “yes, you can.”

In the almost two weeks that have passed since Joe’s departure, not one day has passed that Callie doesn’t asks to call Joe or just outright helps yourself to her iPad to call him. Sometimes several times a day during the weekends. And she’ll talk to him for as long as she can, as long as he’s able to hold a conversation with her. You’ll give it to him, he’s done an exceptional job handling all of it. On some level, you wonder if you should set some restrictions or time parameters, but how do you limit how much a daughter interacts with her father?

Callie rejoices at your approval and requests for you to put on the Disney playlist you made specifically for her on Spotify. 

The drive, no more than 10 minutes, consists of the two of you singing along to a few Disney tunes. It’s a bit of a tradition between you, a way to bond via your shared love of Disney. A love that ties not only you to her but to the women before you. Your mom and grandma. 

Arriving to your apartment complex, you decide to leave your work bag in the car. It’s Thanksgiving break. You most likely won’t do any work until the day or two before having to return.

You do carry Callie on your hip and swing her bag around your shoulder, walking the two of you up to the second floor. Sometimes, you regret not accepting the apartment they had available on the first floor. The older you get, the less your joints like to cooperate, your almost 15 years of cheer probably taking a toll on your body. 

And just age in general. 

But your regret quickly turns to a level of gratitude when you reach your door. 

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

Dropping Callie to the floor, she’s of the complete opposite reaction, gasping and smiling broadly. 

“Look mommy, more boxes!”

The smile is strained but you manage to maintain it, sticking the key in the door, unlocking and pushing it open.

She walks in, and you place her bag on the floor near the door, one foot keeping it open. “What do you think it is?” She asks as you pick them up and bring them inside, kicking the door closed behind you.

You know exactly what it is. What it all is. 

Gifts.

From Joe. 

In his absence, you’ve had several deliveries waiting outside your door when you got home from work and picking Callie up. And all of them were for Callie, gifts of variable nature but all of them things she loves. Disney, stuffed animals, dolls. Essentially anything that could make a 4 year old feel like she’s won the lottery. 

She’s literally bouncing on her toes, already with her kids scissors in her hands. 

When the hell did she grab those?

“Can I open them, please? Please?”

A part of you wants to say no, save them for christmas gifts, though you’re almost entirely certain he’ll have another set of gifts for her then. And it seems almost cruel to make her wait over a month when she knows there are presents waiting for her.

“Sure, but….” You scamper into the kitchen and grab your adult size scissors, returning and showing her. “Let mommy cut them, and then you open them.”

You don’t need this child accidentally cutting herself. Again, medical bills are not in the budget, especially around the holidays. Money’s already tight to some extent. 

Not that….not that it’d be much of an issue with Callie. You’d never fix your moth to ask Joe for anything, especially not financially, but if it was something involving your daughter, you’re pretty sure your tune would change. It would still bother you to ask for help, but you know he’d have zero qualms helping you out.

He’d probably pay for it in its entirety.

Your proposition pleases her. “Okay!” She places her scissors on the nearest flat surface and sits down, legs crossed, bouncing impatiently. 

Chuckling, you glide your scissors across, careful not to open anything. You want to save that moment for her and your plan. 

Once done, you place the scissors on the kitchen island and reach for your phone. “Wait before you open, baby.” 

Immediately, she frowns and scowls, “whyyyyyy.”

Rolling your eyes, you sit on the floor too to be at her eye level and open Snapchat. “Okay, now.” 

You hit record and watch intermittently through and outside of the screen as she opens the boxes, smile permanent and excitement palpable. She especially gets excited when she pulls out a freaking box of the new Little Mermaid and all of her sisters. More….dolls. 

“Look, mommy!!!” She then grabs a doll who has a surprisingly similar complexion and curl pattern to hers, holding it against her face. “She looks like me!”  

“She does,” you agree, realizing it’s a customized American Girl doll. Damn. Those things can run up to $200. You weren’t stupid, knowing Joe’s probably spent more money on Callie alone in two weeks than you’ve spent all year, but just how much has he spent?

It’s when she opens the final box, surrounded by nothing but toys and packaging that you’re already dreading having to stuff all this in your trash bin, “what do you say, baby?”

Callie hugs the American Doll close to her chest and directs to the camera, “thank you, Joe!” She gasps and adds on, “I miss you, but mommy said I can call you tonight!”

You hold back your giggle and agree, adding, “after she helps mommy clean up all this.” 

Her smile drops, pout returning, “I hate cleaning.” 

Snickering, you mutter, “you and me too, sis.” 

You end the video, save it and enter Joe’s chat to attach the video, adding a message.

You: You’re spoiling her, Joe. 😫 This is the third delivery this week alone. 

You’re able to clean up some of the packaging and throw it away before your phone chimes with his response. Callie has grabbed the amount you expected her to grab and discard. Her attention span is trash at the moment. She’s a child surrounded by toys. It’s expected. 

Joe: She's my little girl. Of course, I’m gonna spoil her.

Joe: There should be another one by the weekend. If not, let me know.

You sigh aloud, this man is gonna have your place looking like freaking KB Toys.

You: Omg

You: ….You know I live in an APARTMENT, right? Just where the hell am I supposed to put all of this stuff?

It’s sweet he’s so keen on gifting her these things, but he also has to realize you’re not living in a mansion in Malibu. And despite having a child who leaves messes wherever she goes, you do your best to keep your place tidy. 

 If you didn’t know Joe, didn’t see how easily he connected with Callie, you’d maybe accuse him of trying to “buy” her love. But, you know that’s not the case, know that he clearly just wants to make her happy. You just hope he knows that he does that all by himself, no gifts needed. 

Joe: She has a whole playroom.

You: Yes. Playroom, not Toys-R-Us. 

Joe: 🤷🏽‍♂️

You: 🙄 You’re aggravating.

He doesn’t say anything after that, so you decide to finish cleaning because at some point your child wandered off, most likely to her playroom to add all her new stuff with her slightly new stuff. Taking advantage of the alone time, you also decide to text your mom to figure out thanksgiving plans. Specifically, what drink, dessert, and/or condiments she wants you to bring because you damn well know she won’t ask you to cook.

She still hasn’t forgiven you for that accidental fire that one year.

And it’s when you’re sitting on the sofa, also starting to think about black friday plans that your mind wanders, your anxiety grows out of nowhere.

You’ve taken the approach to not have any say in Joe’s relationship with Callie, to intervene only when absolutely necessary. And as that hasn’t hasn’t occurred, you’ve not done so. You let him and her do their thing. But a small part of you wonders if you should put some parameters around Callie. She calls him several times a day, Joe, who spends more time on the road than there are days in the year.

You know he wants to establish a relationship with her, but that can be done with boundaries. Anxiety getting the best of you, you grab your phone and shoot him a text. 

You: Is it okay if she calls you today? I know it’s been a lot, and if too much, just let me know. I’ll talk to her. 

His reply comes almost immediately this time around.

Joe: She can call me 100 times. I don’t care. I wanna talk to her.

And instantly, the anxiety is almost non-existent. Deep down, you know this is what he wants. He wants to have interaction with her, and incessant Facetime calls are the only option with his crazy schedule, so it’s what he takes. It’s what he wants. 

Pleased and no longer stressing over an issue that was never an issue, you lock your phone and place it back at your side. A quick glance at the clock reminds you that it’s almost time for Callie’s bath. 

A couple minutes later, your phone dings with a text notification. From Joe.

You open it right away. 

Joe: This weekend. Don’t tell her. I wanna surprise her. 

You have to read it a couple of times before it registers. He’s coming back in town. This weekend. As in less than two days. You’re excited at this, happy as well. For Callie. But also, for yourself. Why? You haven’t a clue, well, maybe there’s a slight clue, but you don’t want to acknowledge that right now. 

You simply want to focus on the fact that you’re happy your daughter will be happy her dad is town. 

Who cares that you will be too.

________

Joe’s just walked out the bathroom, having showered and almost entirely prepped for bed when his phone rings. 

Moving over to the hotel nightstand, he’s surprised when he sees Callie’s smiling face filling his screen. A glance at the clock in the corner of his phone reads 11:06, which means it’s 9:06 her time. Well past her bedtime. What is she doing up?

Curious, and regardless, he answers the phone. It takes a second for the connection to finalize when it does, he’s instantly smiling, mostly because it’s Callie but also because of her setup.

It’s obvious she’s under a blanket, a flashlight in the corner illuminating the space, a stuffed animal in her lap. 

She’s the first to speak, her voice both loud and hushed in a way only she can do. “hi!”

“Hi, sweetheart.” He can’t help but ask almost immediately, “what are you doing up?” As he told you, he’d talk to her 24/7 if he could. And even though this call is unexpected and appreciated, she’s also a 4-year-old kid who needs her sleep.

Her little shoulders lift in a shrug. “I can’t sleep.”

Nodding, he follows up with, “where’s mommy?” 

“Sleeping,” she answers with a level of disappointment. “I don’t wanna wake her up. She had a bad day.”

“Really?” Joe moves around so he’s laying on the bed, on his side, phone propped on the nightstand. “How do you know?”

“Cause–cause she was yelling at Mr. Amir, and–and he was yelling at her too.”

Joe hasn’t a clue why, but that instantly upsets him. Who the fuck is this Amir person, and who the hell does he think he is to raise his voice at you? Around Callie of all people.

“Who is Mr. Amir?” Joe hates asking her all of these questions, but it’s also hard not to. 

“The basketball coach at the school for big kids.” She’s caressing the fur of the stuffed animal in her lap. “Aunt Mariah said he was mommy’s boyfriend when she was a big kid.”

“Really.” It’s not really a question as much as it is a general statement. Joe doesn’t know why he’s suddenly annoyed, not with Callie, but the entire situation. And definitely this Amir person even more now. He’s an ex. He dated you. It shouldn’t make him feel any type of way, but it does, and he hates that shit. 

He hates a man he’s never even met.

“I don’t like Mr. Amir,” Callie suddenly announces with a scowl. Same, kid. Same. Joe looks at her, seeing so much of you in her right now. He knows you’ve mentioned how you see a lot of him in Callie, but when she’s glowering like this, she’s 100% her mama’s daughter. “He made mommy mad today.”

“Has he ever been mean to you?” Joe has to ask, because he’s also realizing a part of him is upset at the thought of Callie being around men. You’re a grown woman and allowed to do what you want, but bringing men around Callie….that’s an absolute fucking no. 

He doesn’t give a damn if he’s only been in her life for two weeks or two minutes. She’s his daughter, and outside of himself and family, who you date should be kept far away from his daughter.

Joe mentally prepares to have this conversation—potential argument—with you. 

“No,” she answers, slightly calmer. “He doesn’t like Disney.” She says it like it’s a sin, like it’s almost inconceivable for anyone to not like Disney.

Playing along with this, Joe gasps, grateful for the distraction that is Callie’s intricacies. “He sucks.”

“Yeah, he sucks,” she agrees, nodding. Joe has to keep his smile to himself. “Do you say bad words?”

The randomness and topic change take him by surprise, but he’s learning that you weren’t exaggerating when you said Callie was filled with incessant, unrelated questions. “Sometimes.” 

“Mommy does too,” she reveals. “Grandma says Jesus doesn’t want us to say bad words, but I heard grandma call Ms. Beverly from church a bitch.”

At that, Joe can’t help his laughter. Her delivery, the punctuation she puts on the word ‘bitch’, to how she seems to not even process that she’s just said a bad word. It’s hilarious. “Well, sometimes grown ups say things we shouldn’t, and you just make sure you’re not saying things you shouldn’t.” 

“Okay,” she agrees, almost sheepishly. And then, a yawn. “I’m sleepy.” 

Joe knew she was from the moment she called, but he had a feeling she just needed to get the whole Amir thing off her chest. She doesn’t seem like the child who likes to or even can hold things in, which is preferable. “You should try to go to sleep then, sweetheart.”

She wipes at her eyes, expression suddenly saddened. “When are you coming back? You’ve been gone a really long time.”

He’s torn in this moment, wanting to tell her that he’ll be there this weekend but also not wanting to get her hopes up in case something comes up. There’s few things that could come up to keep him from going to see her, wrestling be damned, but still. Life has a way of lifing. So, he goes with the safe yet disappointing answer.

“Soon, I promise.” She’s clearly indifferent to this answer and doesn’t say anything, instead shifts on her bed, moving to lay down. “You should really try to sleep, Callie.”

Eyes starting to blink, clearly her exhaustion catching up with her, she asks, softly, “will you stay with me till I fall asleep?”

Her request tugs at his heartstrings. “Of course, sweetie.” 

Seemingly pleased by this answer, she closes her eyes, and he watches. He stares at this tiny human whose existence he only learned about not even a month ago yet would do anything to make happy. Joe thinks about Callie constantly, finds himself smiling at the thought of some of the Snapchat videos you’d send him of her in all of her randomness. She was so entertaining, so full of life, a genuinely happy kid. His kid. 

And it’s why he’s going to find out more about this Amir guy and why Amir is having any type of interaction with his daughter. 

________

Joe: You should know she called me last night.

You’re in the middle of perusing early Black Friday deals, needing to budget for that now and taking full advantage of Callie being down for a nap. However, you frown, reading his message, not understanding why he’s stating the obvious. You were there when she asked for the iPad and when she returned it after the call was finished.

You: I’m aware….

Joe: No. After that. 

Your eyebrows arch together, confused.  

You: What? when?

Joe: It was 11 my time, so 9 yours.

You gasp, typing away, wondering how the hell she snuck in your room and managed a whole ass Facetime call without you hearing shit. Were you really that damn exhausted?

You: What the hell was she doing up at 9? What did she say?  No wonder she was crabby this morning. 

Joe: She said she couldn’t sleep.

You: A bad dream?

Joe: Naw, said you got into an argument with someone named Amir earlier that day and didn’t want to bother you….I think it was bothering her.

Your stomach twists at that. You had a feeling she’d overheard the incident with Amir, but you prayed that you were wrong. Clearly, you weren’t.

Joe: Who is Amir?

You pause at Joe’s question. Why is he asking this? What business of his is Amir? Irritation washes over you, but is waned by realizing he’s probably asking because of Callie. As her father, he has a right to know if you’re with someone, because for all he knows that someone could be around his daughter. 

You really are trying with this co-parenting thing.

You: A lot of things. A pain in the ass being the most recent one. 

You: We dated in high school and college on and off. He’s the basketball coach at our local high school. 

It’s more information than probably what’s necessary, but there’s this small, conflicting part of you that wants him to know you have no ties to Amir. That there are no feelings there and haven’t been for literal years. 

That you’re not with Amir.

Joe: Are you dating him again? Why were you arguing around Callie?

The interrogating is getting old, but you’re trying to play nice. Coparent peacefully. His delivery is off, but he has valid questions.

Sorta.

You: No. We just….we fuck around from time to time. He tries to make it more than what it is.  Was about that. 

You: I was waiting for her to be released from pre-school, and he picks up his nephew for his sister. It just happened, and I didn’t know/mean for her to hear.

Honestly, you’re more worried and concerned about Callie and how to approach this with her without making her feel like she was in trouble. Yes, she knows damn well she shouldn’t be on the iPad that late at night, but can you really be mad at her for talking to her dad about something that upset her?

Joe: You bring him around her?

You absolutely can be mad though at her dad who’s about to make you cuss him out next too. All of the questions are becoming too much. He gets to be concerned, but he doesn’t get to micromanage and invade. 

Feeling petty and recalcitrant, you type out a reply that you should probably think twice before sending.

But fuck it.

You: No. I only ride his dick at his place. 🙂 

There’s a small ounce of regret for being so crude, but not a whole lot. He knows how you are, or he should, at least.

To some extent.

But your phone rings again, and you find yourself staring mouth agape at his reply.

Joe: You may ride his dick, but you had my kid. Clearly, only one of us knows how to please you. 

Your face is burning hot, and you hate how you shift in your seat. Why the fuck would he say that? You want to say it’s inappropriate, but you also opened this door. 

Is he entirely wrong?

Slapping away that wild ass thought, you focus on the real conversation at hand here. It takes a couple of rewrites before you ultimately decide to change the subject. 

You: I’ve never bought any man around her and never will that’s not you, if that’s what you’re asking. 

You’re grateful to see he’s also agreeing to change the subject.

Joe: It is. Thank you.

Rolling your eyes, you send a text back, getting back to being annoyed at his 21 Questions. This is a two-way street, and since he’s opened this door, why not?

You: You know that goes both ways though. I don’t want her around any bitches.

Joe: Seriously? 

Joe: There’s no one for me to bring her around. 

You…..you don’t know how to feel about that, don’t know how to feel about the bit of relief you feel at this message. Why should you feel relieved? Even if there was, that’s his business, and he’s allowed to….do whatever it is that he does.

It reminds you and brings you to your next topic. 

You: What about your wife? We need to figure that out as well. She’s eventually going to need to know about Calista and will probably be around her at some point. I get she’s your wife, but I’m Callie’s mother, I need to be there whenever you wanna introduce Callie. I need to be involved in that process as well.

He doesn’t reply. 

________

Joe doesn’t really get mad. 

Not often at least and definitely not outwardly. 

It’s always been his thing to never let anyone have access to that “button” that triggers his anger, and for the most part, it works well. 

Except for when it comes to you.

You’ve always been able to trigger many things for him, anger being one of them.

He knows he should have spoken to you in person about the situation, or even over the phone. But with the craziness of his schedule and differing time zones, he just decided to message you, and while it didn’t go horribly, it didn’t go great. He knows you’re annoyed with him.

Hence your crudity. 

Joe also refuses to admit that the thought of you fucking this kid pisses him the fuck off, even though you’re not together, even though he has no right to be upset. 

But goddamn that doesn’t make him any less upset or annoyed at the thought of someone else touching you.

“Uce?” Jon asks, standing at the door before inventing himself in Joe’s locker room for this week’s Smackdown. “You ready to talk man?”

At that, Joe looks confused. “Talk about what?”

“Whatever it is that got you all worked up.” The twins have always been very perceptive, even back when they were all kids. Joe might be good at hiding his frustration from others but not them. The difference between Jon and Josh though has always been Josh has the wherewithal to not say anything. 

Jon hasn’t caught on to that just yet. 

“I’m fine,” Joe dismisses, hoping it’s enough to dead the conversation, even though he knows better. 

“Lie detector determined that was a goddamn lie.” Jon can be pushy, but he means well, and truthfully, Joe doesn’t have a strong desire to outright shut down this conversation. A different perspective is always beneficial. 

Usually. 

So, he explains it all, starting with his call with Callie and ending with the text exchange between him and you.

“I see,” Jon nods, clearly absorbing all of this information. Finally, he concludes, “so you’re jealous.”

That’s the first thing to evoke a genuine laugh out of Joe since his exchange with Y/N. “I’m not jealous.”

“And I’m not a twin,” Jon dismisses. “Look, Uce, it’s obvious you still got feelings for ole girl. You ask me, I don’t think you ever got over her—”

“I didn’t ask you.” 

“--Now you sitting up here annoyed cause she fucking Coach Carter nephew instead of doing something about it.” Joe rolls his eyes. “I mean have you even told her about you and J—”

“No,” he interrupts, swiftly. “Not yet, at least.”

Nodding, Jon speaks again after a minute of silence. “All I’m saying is ya’ll got the history, got the connection, got the kid too! Don’t see why you need to be letting Jesus Shuttlesworth steal your girl.”

At that, Joe chuckles. One thing his cousins will always be good for, especially Jon, is comedic relief. Even some sound advice from time to time.

“Thanks.”

Joe is, surprisingly, thankful for the equally surprising advice from his cousin. He’s not entirely sure if he’s really jealous or just overreacting for a reason he hasn’t quite uncovered, but he is starting to lean more on the side of he does still have some level of feelings for Y/N. 

It’s not a complete shock. He had a feeling when he reacted so strongly to just seeing your picture. It was the whole Callie situation and finding out how you kept her from him that made his vision murky. 

But, as his relationship with her strengthens, the clearer he can see. 

The clearer his feelings are becoming. Now. it’s just a matter of figuring out what to do with said feelings.

And find out where you stand as well. 

Joe remains quiet, thinking more and more how this might end up being an eventful trip.

[infiniteglitterfall]

the cradle is not a valid news source omfg.

There are a lot of shitty news sites out there. Fact-checking is free, but you'd never know it from looking at a lot of the articles that get traction on social media.

you would, however, increasingly see the far right embracing the left.

me, in a weary sing-song, every fucking time I see an outrage-clickbait headline: "what does the article actually say."

thecradle.co: "The US House of Representatives passed an amendment on 27 June barring State Department officials from citing the Gaza Health Ministry’s death toll of the ongoing Israeli war on the strip.... Sixty-two Democratic lawmakers voted in favor, as well as all but two Republicans."

me: "i thought the problem was that the UN had inexplicably started giving totals from the Gaza Media Office, which had WAY higher total deaths for women and children than the actual Health Ministry, and then everyone found out the Media Office was lying its ass off when the UN switched to the Health Ministry numbers. What's their reasoning?

"Is it the thing where almost 78% of their casualty numbers this spring came from unspecified media sources? Or is it because yes, the Ministry of Health's casualty numbers lined up pretty well with the UN's and Israel's in past wars, but this is the first time that the UN and NGOs haven't been verifying the death count in real time? Or that the Associated Press found hundreds of duplicate IDs in even the list of fully identified recent deaths from the Health Ministry? Wait, is it that the Ministry of Health has been claiming that like 75% of the deaths were women and children, but releasing detailed reports that show that it's really 38%-52%, depending on the month? ok fine maybe there's a reason that this was an almost unanimous vote."

thecradle.co: "...that's not relevant"

me: "...seems like it is tho"

thecradle.co: "we're not here to answer questions"

me: "..."

thecradle.co: "anYWAY, Rashida Tlaib is a real-life Palestinian-American and SHE said, 'Since 1948... there has been a coordinated effort, especially in this chamber, to dehumanize Palestinians and erase Palestinians from existence... [Israel's committing] genocide in Gaza, and in real time, and this amendment is an attempt to hide it … This is genocide denial.'"

me: "how has there been a coordinated effort in the senate to erase Palestinians from existence for 76 years? the u.s. is the largest provider of foreign aid to palestine on earth. i've literally read the entire detailed record of the 1950 senate hearing on Palestinian refugees--"

thecradle.co: "again, i am NOT TAKING QUESTIONS, I am just TELLING YOU--"

me: "okay, okay, geeze"

thecradle.co: "my point is that she said, 'My colleagues want to prohibit our own US officials from even citing the Palestinian death toll. So let me read it into the record. Here are the latest casualties of Palestinians killed: 37,718 Palestinians, including more than 15,000 Palestinian children and more than 86,377 Palestinians have been injured.'"

me: "isn't that the old, blatantly incorrect, two-times-too-high number of deaths of Palestinian children, from the Gaza MEDIA Office? Not the Health Ministry? omg, it IS. The media office is claiming 15,002 children, and a total of 44,844 total deaths. You can only even find that shit printed in Al Mayadeen, which is also a fake news site."

thecradle.co: "I don't know that kind of stuff. I just report the facts."

me: "sure, if the fact is that she lied. wait. she's upset that they're telling the State Department not to use the Health Ministry's numbers and SHE'S not even using the Health Ministry's numbers? was she even listening?"

thecradle.co: "...In November 2023, US Assistant Secretary of State for Near East Affairs, Barbara Leaf, said when asked about skepticism over the Gaza Health Ministry death toll that the numbers could actually be higher."

me: "did you actually just close by quoting someone speculating wildly nine months ago?"

thecradle.co: "listen, our about page makes it very clear that we are definitely journalists and we definitely aren't owned by anybody, and we will expose whatever shocking truths we want."

me: "...so...."

thecradle.co: "...did you hear that ben gvir is the most hated man on earth?" me: "i thought you claimed to report the NEWS."

anyway, I am just as thrilled as always to see my united states elected representatives getting their info from the least reputable sources possible. and then being signal boosted by the least reputable sources possible.

it's almost as thrilling as the knowledge that people react to "hey that's not true" as if you'd just murdered a Palestinian civilian right in front of them, instead of as if you were telling them that thousands of Palestinian children thought dead were still alive.

[krikeymate]

Fictober 2023: Day 25: “Do I look like I knew that?” - Their mother comes around dropping bombshells. Fandom: Scream Rating: T Warnings: None.

➖

“Could this day get any worse?”

Sam should have known better.

It just slips out as she stares forlornly at the busted oven as it refuses to heat. The icing on top of the shitty cake of a day she’s had.

She only has a second to stare at their now never-to-be cooked dinner on the counter, before there’s a persistent knocking on their apartment door.

Sam tilts her head at her sister, a silent question. Tara replies with a shrug of her shoulders, and drops a screwdriver to the table, moving to answer it.

She doesn’t even have time for regrets as she hears a voice she’s never been able to forget, the sharp tone of their mother, every word laced with disappointment.

“Well, aren’t you going to say hello? When did you get so rude.”

Sam can’t say she’s ever missed it.

 She briefly considers throwing herself out the window before her sister calls out a wary “Sam.” Tara would never forgive her if she leaves her alone with that woman.

Again.

Oof.

Yeah, she’s still got a lot to make up for.

“What are you doing here?” she asks with the appropriate amount of hostility. Which is a lot.

Christina sneers.

“As pleasant as ever Samantha. What have you been teaching your sister?”

She tries not to grind her teeth. An impossible challenge.

“How do you know where we live?”

Tara sounds irritated, if not downright angry. Sam finds herself feeling guilty for the wave of relief that washes over her. Of course Tara didn’t tell her where they were. She knows her sister’s mad at their mother, that she left her behind and moved across the country to get away from her, but knowing and seeing are two different things.

Seeing Tara on her side never fails to make her heart stutter.

Their mother fails to answer that question too. That’s all she ever does, dance around and avoid, hide away.

She tries not to think about all the things they have in common.

“You weren’t answering any of my calls, so of course you made me drag myself down here. Wasting my time.”

Sam shares a look of disbelief with her sister. She tries not to smile as Tara rolls her eyes and mimes stabbing herself behind their mother’s back.

When Christina realises she’s not going to get a response from either of her daughters, she huffs and continues.

“Well, I’m just here to invite you to my wedding. I’m marrying your father, Tara, and he’s very interested in finally meeting you.”

Sam blinks at her, uncertain. She almost asks her to repeat herself, the words she heard were so insane they couldn’t possibly have been right.

Tara gets there first.

“What.”

Her sister is frowning and unamused and… oh, Sam knows that look.

She’s beginning to think she heard right in the first place.

“What the FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?”

She bites her lip. Tara’s still a little sensitive about her dad, though she tries to deny it. She can’t say she doesn’t understand, Sam’s still bitter too. Who raises a child for 13 years and decides they’re no longer their daughter in a single second?

“José got back with your crazy ass?” Sam exclaims in disbelief. No fucking way. This dude did not disappear for a goddamn decade and a half only to come crawling back. He can’t have.

“José?” Christina questions, thrown. “That deadbeat? Hardly. I’m talking about Tara’s father, Angel. He’s the proprietor of Castillo’s.”

Sam finds herself speechless. She begs herself to check on her sister, but she just can’t look away from the calm across her mother’s face.

How could she come back into their lives dropping bombshells like this?

Christina looks between her children, irked by their poor manners. The shock on their faces surprises her. “Oh, you didn’t know?”

“Do I look like I knew that?” Tara asks flatly, stepping away from them.

Watching her sister storm out the room, Sam wishes she could join her.

“I think it’s time for you to leave.”

She tries to sound forceful, but it comes out far too soft. She feels stuck in the clouds, watching everything happen from above.

“Honestly Samantha, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised, Tara was hardly the brightest, but you...”

“Get out. Get OUT!”

[lalogawrites]

Since I'm very new to tumblr, I've mostly been lurking, trying to figure out a) the community culture so I don't make an ass of myself, and b) what exactly I want to use this app for.

While I figure that out, here's a little about me if you're curious: Like it says in the little tagline up there, I'm a writer. Though I'm new to this platform, I'm not new to writing; been at it for decades. I started writing original stuff and fanfiction, though for many many years, fanfiction was my refuge, my safe haven. I met and made lifelong friends through writing it, and had a ton of fun in the process.

But, as is human nature, I had a dream of more. I wanted to be a Professional Author, so I stopped fanfic and turned all my attention to the original stuff. And I succeeded - to an extent. I published six novels and dedicated several years to being a full time indie author. But despite my plucky, can-do attitude, the actual money making part of this venture went...badly. 😆 I'm proud of what I accomplished, because I gave everything I had, but as it turns out, (to no one's surprise), the stuff I want to write isn't the stuff that makes money.

The books are good. This isn't the books' fault. Macro-level, I blame capitalism, but the reality is that I'm not cut out for the indie author life. Everything I created needed a plan to be monetized. Every ounce of energy went to "honing my craft" and figuring out marketing "strategies." It was soul crushing, almost as much as the shitty retail/officer worker jobs I left to fulfill this "dream." Writing became work, and I started to resent every word.

The end result? I *almost* killed my life long love of writing and storytelling. Thankfully, I pulled my head out of my own ass and realized I didn't want whatever this was. So I pulled the plug on the business, let my mailing list know I was taking a hiatus, and completely stepped back from everything. Even writing.

I spent most of 2023 trying to refill the creative well. Fanfic helped. A lot. I started a Mandalorian fic that I may or may not continue, (depends on where the show goes lol), but it was the Ninja Turtles who really rescued me.

The first fic I ever posted was TMNT. And in November of 2023, when I sat down to do NaNoWriMo and finally write book 2 of my second original series, I instead started the sequel to that first TMNT fic. Then I went back and started "revising" the first one, because if I ever posted the sequel, it just made sense. 😆 (Even though I swore I would never touch that story again!)

I'm currently working on both of them now, and it's fair to say my love of writing has been rekindled. I'm still debating on what (if anything) I'll do with either fic, but I'm leaning toward maybe one day sharing some of my work publicly again. (That's another blog post/journal entry entirely haha.)

If you've made it this far, thank you for reading. Stay awesome. 💜

[doomedandstoned]

MR. BUNGLE MELVINS  ☆ SPOTLIGHTS ★ The Showbox, Seattle

  Photo Review by Chris Schanz

One might ask what would bring me out of retirement? Was I retired? What the hell have I been doing for the past three years? All things Doomed and Stoned have been in flux for me. I’ve been focusing on my day job. I’ve been focusing on my family. I’ve been focusing on my garden. All this focusing has left me nearsighted. Blurry. The COVID era left me with a shitty hangover (not long COVID – I’m just trying to forget that shit and move on!). Sure – I’ve shot shows, band portraits, weddings, funerals yadda yadda fucking yadda. I wanted a sign that the universe is ready for my gifts, once again.

Enter Mr. Bungle and The Melvins. The Geek Show Tour, sponsored by Ipecac Records celebrates both the vast accomplishments of Mike Patton (Faith No More, Fantomas, Mr. Bungle) and The Melvins – on their 40th anniversary! The perfect lure to get me off my ass and feel like I actually can contribute something to music, art and photography in general without licking the taint of Instagram and an AI-generated algorithmic overlord soon set to devour us, Titans, Gods and all.

The Showbox at the Market is the perfect set. I feel at home there, usually right by the soundboard. So many shows seen there – Sonic Youth, Nudedragons (Soundgarden), Brothers Of the Sonic Cloth, Sleep, Uncle Acid, Bell Witch, Graveyard, Chelsea Wolfe, The Black Angels – on and on, and on and on. It’s by far Seattle’s best concert hall, IMHO.

SPOTLIGHTS

I admit. I wasn’t prepared for Spotlights. A buddy of mine in Denver by way of San Francisco said they’re sweetly DOOMY. I was in. I got three songs to fall in love. Head over heels! Words escape my brain, only memories of sweet, subsonic joy flowing through my chest and brain. I followed up with Sarah Quintenero after the show at the merch booth, loading up on their vinyl. I’m blasting “Tidals” on vinyl while writing this in my cave, but “Alchemy for the Dead” is a MASTERPIECE! I’ve been binging on their Bandcamp all week now. Bold, deep bass fuzz, ethereal vocals and serrated guitar riffs. My new summer soundtrack.

They’re still on tour – and I highly advise you to see them now!

Alchemy For The Dead by Spotlights

Spotlights Setlist

"The Alchemist" (2023’s Alchemy For The Dead)

"Sunset Burial" (2023’s Alchemy For The Dead)

"Algorithmic" (2023’s Alchemy For The Dead)

"False Gods" (2023’s Alchemy For The Dead)

"Part 4" (2020’s We Are All Atomic)

MELVINS

This brings me back to the Melvins. The force that shaped my twenties in Seattle. My band Fuzzbud had a six-degrees-of-Kevin Bacon thing with a Morton, WA / Monteseno, WA, somebody’s cousin played in a band that opened for…whatevs. We tuned to DUH flat and had a good time. BUT…The Melvins were always a mainstay in any of my playlists.

King Buzzo did NOT disappoint! I was singing along from the photo pit. I was kidding beforehand that there should be some sort of SNL skit – a play by play commentary of the photo pit action. Think Howard Cosell announcing each of the photogs falling over each other for the shots. I thought it was funny, anyways. I’m a dork.

ANYWHOO. Buzzo provides! Dale’s a GOD. I got my HEALTHY fix of Houdini, culminating in a THREE BASS OVERLOAD on Night Goat with Sara Qintenero from Spotlights and Trevor Dunn from Mr. Bungle joining Steve McDonald to rumble your bunghole. What did I miss by NOT seeing the tour finale in San Francisco? A reunion of Fantomas (Mike, Buzz and Dave Lombardo)! When these guys get together, (black) magic always happens!

The Bride Screamed Murder by Melvins

Melvins Setlist

"I Can’t Shake It" (1998 split with Cosmic Psychos, Some Girls/I Can’t Shake It)

"Zodiac" (1990’s Bullhead)

"Copache" (1993’s Houdini)

"I Want to Hold Your Hand" (2018’s Pinkus Abortion Technician - Beatles Cover)

"Hammering" (2022’s Bad Mood Rising)

"Never Say You’re Sorry" (2022’s Bad Mood Rising)

"Evil New War God" (2010’s The Bride Screamed Murder)

"Let It All Be" (1999’s The Bootlicker)

"Honey Bucket" (1993’s Houdini)

"Revolve" (1994’s Stoner Witch)

"Night Goat" (1993’s Houdini - with Steve McDonald, Spotlights Sarah Quintero and Mr. Bungle bass Trevor Dunn on basses)

MR. BUNGLE

The main event. I knew they led with the Mr. Rogers theme on most nights. ADORABLE! But to my surprise, and delight! They performed the John Sebastian theme to “Welcome Back Kotter”! FUCK YES. I’m a Sweathog and everyone knows it! We would also be treated to the Pepto Bismol jingle not too far into the set.

I was wanting, wishing for a few more songs from 1991’s Mr. Bungle release, primarily some “Squeeze Me Macaroni” and “Stubb-A-Dub” action. Stubb was my go-to track in our house in college. After many a trip, I believed I was the proverbial “family dog” to our tribe…just elated to be along for the ride scrambling from party to party. Luckily for me, I got some “My Ass Is On Fire” and I was satiated. “Speak Spanish Or Die” brought me right back to my thrash and skating days (Days. Rolled my ankle on the half-pipe and drove the crew to all the spots after that). Van Halen’s Loss of Control? A TOTAL surprise and I was elated! Ear to ear grins and giggles!

I came for the Melvins, Mike Patton and Dave Lombardo, but I left with a deep adoration for Spotlights and a 365-day calendar of “The Many O-Faces of Scott Ian” and that’s more than OK. I’m in love. Thank you, Scott, for fulfilling this schoolboy’s adolescent dreams, 30 years later!

The Night They Came Home by Mr. Bungle

Mr. Bungle Setlist

"Welcome Back" (John Sebastian cover)

"Bungle Grind"

"Eracist"

"Spreading the Thighs of Death"

"Loss for Words" (Corrosion of Conformity cover)

"Hypocrites"

"Speak English or Die" (Stormtroopers of Death cover) (changed to "Speak Spanish or Die")

"Glutton for Punishment"

"Anarchy Up Your Anus"

"Methematics"

"Hell Awaits" (Slayer cover) (intro)

"True/Cold War/True"

"Raping Your Mind"

"World Up My Ass" (Circle Jerks cover) (with Michael Crain)

"Sudden Death"

Encore: "Loss of Control" (Van Halen cover)

Encore: "My Ass Is on Fire" (with PEP tag)

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2023 #37-35

That AWKWARD moment you plan on ranking this year’s Big Evil last, and then rewatch everyone and realize some of these NQs were so PUTRID you can’t in clear conscience rank  them ahead of anyone else. Enjoy three acts so irredeemable I have to rank them below Noa! Decade rankings: 112, 111 & 110 / 116 [Above: Brividi, Below Noa Kirel] 29 Dec Update: Now ABOVE Noa, and below Nadir

37.  36. GREECE Victor Vernicos - “What they say” 30th place

I enjoy being right. 🙂 Sorry, but 14 points in a TELEVOTE, (12 of which from Cyprus) in a semi that has the utterly unvoteable Romania and San Marino in it? Greece was and IS the worst in this year. Sitting through it was like watching a stream of meconium ooze from a baby’s anus.

Sure, one could argue that "What they say” was redeemable as like... a laughable trainwreck, and yeah, it could have been on paper. I have to draw a line somewhere, and “somewhere” is where a delegation sends a minor to the contest, SEES the footage of him utterly flunking the live and then does nothing, allowing him to humiliate himself in front of millions of people. Shitty broadcasters to the fucking bottom of the ranking!

But even besides that, the song is just a wretched Ed Sheeran pretend ballad, like someone took a cleaver to “Castle on the hill” and hacked out all the mildly enjoyable mellow parts and replaced them with a stop-motion-like cadence, cursive singing and Sad Boy Emoness. Victor sings that he hates his feelings and my feelings are that I hate everything about his song.

Like, I can’t be the only person so UTTERLY SICK of these misguided self-aggrandising songs that actively try to use real-life mental health issues to provide unsoliicited social commentary for their own personal gain? Be it in a competition or to make oneself appear ~morally righteous~. Enough with the devious white-washing of actual mental health issues. 

 At least that is what I’m forced take away from this shitty song because these lyrics don’t make any fucking sense: Victor sings that “Lost Souls” make sure no one loses their way and “Hurt ones” can’t stand seeing others in pain, and also that he’s both (?) and that he’s got too much on his plate, wanting to save the others (?????) and that it’s TOO LATE FOR HIM (??????) Someone heard this and wasn’t instantly alarmed by how dark this is? WTF?! SICC A PSYCH ON HIS ASS, ASAP!

But of course, any potential complexity is instantly undermined by the visuals. 

Youngster Victor wants to battle, and his team is one lvl 7 Caterpie.

Add in a few selfie backdrops, some happy skipping (again: this song has a messed-up and depressing message) and perhaps most offensive of all: GREEK LETTERS SPLICED INTO ENGLISH WORDS: 

And you are left with an entry that makes me feel ALEXEEV levels of shame. Like yeah it’s all mercenary and insincere and vile but doesn’t change the fact that that Greece sent a sixteen year old with a song about SUICIDAL THOUGHTS to Eurovision and made it... that. BE SAFE, YOUNG VICTOR!!! Preferably as far away from a guitar as possible.😬

-----------------------------

36. 35. SAN MARINO Piqued Jacks - “Like an animal” Joint LAST

THEY KNOW THE WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY 

... to zero points...x

Congratulations Piqued Jacks, you are NOT last in this ranking. 🙄 Count your lucky fucking stars. 

Talk about an entry that fully earned their nil points in the televote. Piqued Jacks accompanied their accidentally predatorial song with black and red lights. Black and red lights are of course the axe murderer colours which they used to complement the date rape lyrics and serial killer faces.  🙃

Seriously, for real:  

Hide your sisters and daughters from this creep and his eerie obsession with “snake eyes” and “biting tongues” and “butterflies in his ears”. I would be less bad if “E-King” (you’re a grown man, consider a name change) wasn’t this off-puttingly smug or didn’t have a voice like newborn goat choking on its colostrum. “Like an animal” is three minutes of extreme discomfort. The absolute opposite of a “Slay”.

------------------------------

35. 34. ROMANIA Theodor Andrei - “D.G.T.” Joint LAST.

Sigh, this one just makes me feel sad.  As you know I was a Theodor apologist before and honestly, I still kinda like him as a person?

DGT was a shambles though. Theodor was always due to create some discomfort, given that he has never not looked like a Project Runway second boot called Susan and DGT’s lyrics involve *this specific person* talking graphically about being carressed by his girlfriend’s fingers and wanting to rip her clothes off. So yeah a hard sell, but not impossible!!

However, the live was a bare step above San Marino in terms of second-hand embarrassment. An weird musical bisection, an amateur hour act swallowed by the LEDs and utter SILENCE from the audience which thundered over the off-pitch wailing condemned Romania to nill pointer hell.

The acoustic start, WHY? 

The CSI floordrops, WHY? 

The selfie backdrops, WHY?

 The black paint on the naked torso, WHY? 

the shrill falsetto WHYYYYYY?!

And just like how the San Marinese cringe is present but in a lesser form, so is Greece’s shitty broadcaster behaviour. After forcing Theodor to transmogrify his opening minute into an unplugged acoustic version (a decision that completely ruined the song), TVR just called it a day, and happily sent Theodor to his doom with no real regrets. WTF?!

Basically, these three nil point flops (yeah totally counting Greece as one, deal!) are all tied for last place, but I had to pick an order. Greece are the most awful for exploiting a minor. San Marino deliberately chose someone with a very annoying voice and face, so they’re second last. Theodor meanwhile, is actually kinda talented and was mostly the victim of TVR’s lack of involvement, to which I say: If your participations in Eurovision amount to throwing an eighteen year old to the vultures because you’re too bothered to actually support him through the ordeal, Romania, then don’t bother with ESC and just fucking QUIT!!!

THE RANKING

[oflgtfol]

Re; work situation, u absolutely aren't being weird or anything, that's sussy af

thank you all for the input and i also have found another update since i made that post!

so let me summarize why i dislike this man beyond this potential sexism or however else you'd label these bad vibes:

- he fired our replenishment manager. for reasons i cannot fully disclose bc A. im not supposed to know about it (im friends w the other managers so they told me anyway) B. i dont know much about it (as only the SM has the full picture and even my friend managers barely know anything) and C. trying to maintain some semblance of privacy. but she is indeed getting an attorney over it so its like serious

- (RM was the 30s year old woman who helped serve as a middleman between us early 20s women and the 50 yo male SM. additionally she literally ran the store, super responsible for keeping us neat and timely and organized. when she was fired we all said the store would fall apart without her - and guess what! it did. the store has been a fucking mess since only one month after she left)

- he never hired a new RM. instead he made the new full time assistant manager (22 year old woman) take on replenishment duties on top of her actual role-specific duties and refused to share the burden by taking on additional duties as well, taking serious advantage of her

- full time ASM almost dies from a stress related health emergency due to being overworked. SM shows no sympathy or concern for her. when ASM puts in her two weeks he declines it and is only worried about who will cover him for his vacation. because he declined her 2 weeks she just resigned immediately and good for her because she almost fucking died. so now we are down an RM and an ASM and only have two part time closing managers and the full time FM (who really only should be doing framing duties and nothing else) (and prior to this SM coming to our store we used to have a full time RM, ASM, FM, as well as 3-4 part time managers, 2-3 of which closed at night exclusively and 1-2 of which worked mostly mornings or were flexible between mornings and nights. so we’ve already been short on managers for like, all of 2023 - hence why the idea of me becoming a manager was brought up around christmas/new years, to become another part time manager. but i was never given an offer and that role was never filled!)

- being down all these managers finally pushes him to hire new ones

- he hires a new guy, and already has ambitious goals of making him the new RM... within five days of working here. that guy in the break room is now in the running for this position. after only being here for five days.

- and now today ive learned. SM is also going to hire… another man….. to replace the ASM. which is what i just found out after making that other post. like come on. this is weird right

so like hes already been a shitty person what with everything going on these past 2 months and even his condescending attitude overall for this entire duration here, but now the extra layer of bringing in all these men in general, but specifically to replace the hard working, responsible, overworked, and overall well liked female managers, with random ass men who none of us ever met before, especially after pushing out said female managers one way or the other (direct firing, and almost indirectly killing), its just like. Again the pushing out of those managers was already bad enough but now the fact theyre being replaced with these random ass men, like, its already bad enough that the dynamic in this store is changing due to these well liked managers leaving, but then to go as far as to change the dynamic by bringing in all these men into a long, looooong time female-dominated store, its just. Like. aegh

[joshuasearing]

Monday 24th April 2023

Hey journal sorry I have not wrote for days a lot has gone on and I have been pushing through but I would be lying if I said I am not struggling. Anyways I have made my girlfriend an appointment with a mental health team so they can help her with her mental health as she has agreed to get help and has accepted she needs it. Anyways I am just going to talk about today you are going to miss a few days as if I am totally honest I just can not be bothered to write about it all. So today has been shitty. I started the day by waking up and relaxing with my girlfriend which was the nice part of the day. After a while at 11am I went to my google meet therapy session and we spoke on how we are going to sort out what I am struggling with and how we are going to get rid of the loop and cycle that my brain has created for ocd things that I do and also for the intrusions that I deal with on a daily basis for about the last 2 to 3 years. So after my therapy I booked my girlfriends appointment she was not feeling great about it though as she is worried to tell people her emotions and fully open up about everything she is dealing with. I think what makes it harder is she will not know the person she is talking to at first so she is going to have to trust them and it is their job so they do tend to be really caring and nice people that would not hurt anyone and just want to help people so they can have the best life possible. After making this appointment we ordered a Wendy's to my house it was nice however you do not get a lot for the amount of money you pay. Whilst I waited for it to get here I got in the shower as I was feeling all smelly and stiggy for some reason. I do not think it helped that I had loads of nightmares this morning before waking up. Anyways after the food and shower we watched some dr strange it was good and it was the first time I had watched the film. Anyways soon after this Caitlin got picked up by her step dad. Then from when she left is when it went to shit. Once she left I just slept and was lazy on my phone and got fuck all done. I have only just got up and pushed my self to do my journalling as I was falling far behind which was not good at all. Anyways I have eaten like shit today, I have barely drank today and also I have been lazy and not went to the gym. I think it does not help that my mind and body just feels absolutely drained from life and It does not help that life has been tough on me the past week. Anyways I am going to go to the gym after work tomorrow and I am going to work my ass of as I missed today and I need to make up for it. Anyways I am going to speak to you later journal. Goodbye journal!

[z-bot]

2022 in the Rear View, pt 1

I know it's a cliche, but what happened to last year? I went back to look at my journal entries and life-blogging from 2022 and I found almost nothing. And that kind of bums me out! 2023 resolution: start journaling again! And don't be afraid to post personal blogs again! (My two conflicting concerns on the latter being 1. what if no one cares, 2. what if someone reads it?? )

Anyway, gonna see if I can piece together 2022 from photos and memory.

January

I started the year off right by traveling down to Tucson with my best friend Mko to meet with our mutual friend AR, whose mother had brought far, far too many pumpkins up from their farm in Cochise County. What to do with them?

Answer: bust them open and leave them in the desert for the javelinas, to the soundtrack of Smashing Pumpkins. And then go on a lovely hike.

Also, I took a lot of pictures of graffiti this year, so please enjoy "nanodick" on a traffic bollard, for some reason.

Around this time my coworker KC and I also became obsessed with learning how to say "What is love?" in every language imaginable. Our list is still hanging up at work a year later.

February

Apparently I didn't do much outside of working and visiting the family this month, with the exception of an excursion to an Asian food truck festival with my friend RAP. Top tier food photography = taking a bite out of your onigiri and taiyaki to show off their tasty fillings.

March

In March I took my parents to the main library branch for some reason? I can't remember why! May have just been trying to entertain them while they were visiting me, but I do recall we had a good time. It also has some nice views of my neighborhood.

Based on photos, I also took a lot of walks and ate a lot of Greek and Italian food this month, both activities I approve of.

I also received my birthday koláčky three months late (because they are a pain in the ass to make and my mother was busy, and based on the fact that we started dispensing a new PET product at work apparently so was I), but then, it's never too late for koláčky.

Brought some in to work and they were a hit, so much so that when I dropped some on the ground, one of my coworkers picked up all the koláčky that landed filling-side up and ate them.

April

This month saw me wearing a heart monitor for three days, in an ongoing effort to figure out why I felt so shitty all the time. The results were simply "low blood pressure, drink more electrolytes", same thing I was told 15 years ago dealing with similar issues. Here's to consistency!

In significantly better news, I had an opportunity to foster a wee juvenile bearded dragon!! My coworker MH was dealing with personal issues that required moving in with someone who is wary of lizards and pets in general, and since we are Lizard Pals at work she asked if I could take the lizard in until she found lizard-friendly housing.

Her name is Gible, and she was SO TINY. The other bearded dragons I've had (Genbu & Seiryuu, and Hot Sauce) were all rescued adults, so some of this was new to me. And I don't know if this was particular to Gible or to juveniles in general, but she was a much more vigorous climber than my previous beardies, and I'd find myself looking not just in corners and under tables but ON TOP OF tables and shelves when I'd collect her after letting her free-roam for a while. The first time I stood up and saw a tiny lizard staring at me from the top of my table was a delightful shock!

TBC I hope

[alltheselights]

I don’t want to be dramatic but I am super concerned for louis’ career in terms of his music, like this whole year was so fucking weird, all we got was a bunch of cryptic shit I stil don’t know what the hell 369 is about or faith in the future or even what the hell I’m supposed to have faith in like baby we ain’t getting any music you are mia most of the time and when you pop up it’s to get stalked at the studio by the same freaks, doing some stunts for a little razzle dazzle. Nothing is making any sense at this point I am positive we ain’t getting music until 2023 and like what even is the point why am I here ? All we get is a divided fandom people starting shit almost everyday for no reason and merch with messages that go no fucking where, I don’t even get excited when I see him say something cryptic anymore. I’m sad because I can see so many people leaving and finding new things to like. The most loyal Louies are now checking out and who can blame them. It’s sad his fandom is being replaced my a bunch of awful people but it is what it is at this point. I love him with all my heart but I won’t lie I am slowly checking out myself, I’m supposed to enjoy being a fan not get sad about him and shit , it’s even worst be used your like who do you blame for this because we are supposed to be believe that he is now independent but then what like is dude choosing to literally bring his career to the ground on his own accord but like why the hell is the same people who can’t do right by him still around like was I wrong this whole time like does he like those people and is satisfied with how things are going. Sorry but I am so angry I don’t think I’ve been this upset in the last ten years the way that am these days I’m so confused and it makes me feel miserable for him and myself

As far as people leaving, I don’t disagree that people are, but I also think it’s important to keep in mind that some people just focus on other interests while nothing is happening for an extended period of time and will then be back once Louis does something. Unless COVID ruins everything, he will be going on tour in a little more than a month and there will actually be real content for people, which I think will be hugely uplifting for a bitter, disappointed fanbase.

It’s also really frustrating to me to not see things change and to see that Louis is still with all of the same shitty people who half ass everything they do and I’ve questioned myself whether he’s just given up and resigned himself to this fate, but when you see how Louis responds when he does well charting, I still find it very hard to believe that he wants this for himself. Like.....it just doesn’t make any sense that he would be content with mediocrity and no promo when he has the potential for so much more. We KNOW that he’s thrilled when his music does well. We KNOW that he wants to tour the world, which is not possible without an extensive fanbase because it costs a lot of money. We KNOW that he’s called out himself the lack of promo and label support publicly, which is not something that he would have done if he was content with the work they did.

So if nothing is changing with his career and he’s still not getting anything good when it comes to that, I continue to think that there is something going on behind the scenes that is causing this. And that affects how I think about the stunts too. I am equally annoyed with Louis about how he’s playing along with this stuff and about a lot of his behavior over the last year, quite frankly. but it doesn’t change the fact that the entire situation seems very bizarre. If he was getting promo for his music - and I’m not even talking Harry-level of promo, I’m talking about regular ass promo that any artist would receive by a label who wants to make money - and the stunts were still happening, I would wonder much more whether this is just how it will be forever. But that’s not the case and his career is still being sabotaged and/or disregarded by the very people who should be wanting to make money off of him and promoting him for their own benefit as well as their own. Just look at both of his festivals in the last year. And that means something is still off with Louis in general.

It might help to just step away and focus on other things until tour begins because I do think having real, non-stalker and non-stunt and non-tweet content will make a huge difference as far as fandom morale goes.

[francoiserenaldt]

week one

prologue | next week 

warnings: cussing (and lots of it), angst

word count: 1860

“Indefinitely? Fuck,” Desirée muttered, covering her face with a pillow. This was going to be a disaster. “You have got to be kidding me.”

“Well, I guess I should call Stacy and tell her to turn around.” Andy scratched his neck. “We’re not gonna be able to leave for a while now.” 

“I can’t believe this is happening right now. This is actually the worst thing that could happen.” Desirée groans, pulling her head away from the pillow.

“Hey, I’m not that bad.” Andy teases.

“No, you’re not. It’s just...I had an interview for Vogue lined up to start on Monday. I’ve been interning and writing papers for months to get it and now…” She closes her eyes, willing the tears away. 

“Damn, I’m sorry. You would’ve killed it, I bet.”

“And now I guess we’ll never know.” Her eyes fly open as a realization hits her. “What the hell changed in less than 24 hours? They know that’s not enough time to pack anything and leave.”

“I don’t know, but we’ll figure this out, okay?”

She nods and he disappears into the bedroom. When she glances back at the TV, the time reads 4:35 AM. She rolls her eyes and tries in vain to go back to sleep.

And so it begins.

Sunday, August 3rd, 2023 - Day 1 of quarantine

She eventually gets off her ass around 8 AM and finds something to wear. She settles on a pair of black Nike sweats and her shoes from yesterday. 

One look at her phone notifications shows an unethical amount of missed calls and text messages from her parents, all of which she ignores. An hour later, she gets texts from Stacy.

stacy: just touched down in boston, hope you’re safe

desirée: great! you get to the airport okay?

stacy:  hell no. the police presence at the border is insane. I saw them cornering every car that tried to leave after me! I was lucky they got distracted.

desirée: holy shit it’s even worse than i thought

stacy: how are you getting back to nyc?

desirée: i’m def not w that border thing

stacy: so you and andy are...

desirée: stuck w each other for the moment. it should be fine.

stacy: are you sure, babe? 

desirée: it’s not like i have a choice.

stacy: if you say so. stay safe!

desirée: will do!

“Hey.” 

Desirée looks up and he’s there, dressed comfortably in sweats that show off his muscular build. He looks good and, if the way her eyes linger is any indication, he knows it. She should’ve replied 5 seconds ago, but the second-best time to say something is probably now. 

Speak, dammit.

“Hey. What’s up?” Her voice, thankfully, doesn’t betray her internal monologue. Andy doesn’t seem to notice.

“Since we’re gonna be here for a while, I should probably show you how everything works around here.”

The next hour is spent learning about where the dishes go, how to properly turn on the shower and all of the boring home life things. Throughout the tour, she notices the ways he’s changed since she was last with him. For one, he cooks now, and he has a relatively organized kitchen with spices and sauces. But she still gets some glimpses of who he was before California. He still eats with plasticware because “it doesn’t make sense to have silverware in a place where you don’t live all the time”, which is incredibly moronic thinking and she tells him so, he still wears oversized shirts to bed, and he still smells like his signature spicy cologne when he gets close to her. He’s still so easy to talk to, always knows exactly what’s on her mind and when there’s more to the story than she’s letting on and-

Holy shit.

This can’t already be happening.

As her luck would have it, the apartment he normally stays in alone only has one bed and he refuses to let her sleep on the couch again, so they share the bed. 

The tears only come when she sleeps with her back turned to him, kicking herself for ever letting him go. 

Monday, August 4th, 2023 - Day 2 of quarantine

In the morning, Desirée wakes up with his warmth against her back. One look down finds his arms loosely wound around her body in a way they definitely weren’t when she fell asleep.

Once she begrudgingly gets out of bed, she makes the call to the higher-up at Vogue and tells them the news. She wants to believe that the bored tone the receptionist uses when she delivers the news is just an attempt at a brave face and they secretly are very disappointed that she couldn’t make it. 

She wants to cry. 

Instead, she goes into the bathroom and gets ready for the day. Apparently, her attempts at a facade weren’t as effective as she thought as Andy stops her in the bedroom.

“Are you okay?” 

“Yeah.”

“You’re obviously not okay, Desirée.”

“So why bother asking, then?” She snaps. “It’s been a hard enough morning without you trying to psychoanalyze me, so please spare me the effort.” 

“Look,” Andy snaps, “I know you’re upset about your thing in New York, but I don’t deserve that.”

“You know what, Andy? You’re right. You don’t deserve that. So I need you just leave me alone for a second because I’m in an incredibly shitty mood and this,” she waves a hand between the two of them, “isn’t helping.”

“Do you think being an asshole is going to help?” Andy raised an eyebrow. Desirée only offered a huff in response. “So I’m going to ask you again. What’s wrong?”

“You’re clearly not letting this go, so...I had to call Vogue that I’m stuck in quarantine in the middle of nowhere in Oregon and that I won’t be there in time to start the internship,” Desirée speaks slowly, not far from tears. “The lady listening couldn’t have given less of a shit if she tried.”

“Now was that so hard?” Andy gave her a small smile and opened his arms, clearly intending for her to hug him. She holds out at first, glaring at him. He tilts his head slightly as if to say, Come on already! and she runs into his arms, finally allowing the dam to break. He strokes her back as she cries, closing his eyes to hold back his own. Once her sobs lessen, she whispers something in his ear and he almost misses it. 

“You’re the worst.” 

Tuesday, August 5th, 2023 - Day 3 of quarantine

To help her move on from her internship, Andy attempts to teach her how to play video games. 

Attempts being the operative word.

She’s admittedly stubborn and confused about everything and Andy is entirely too amused about the entire thing. This goes on for hours until eventually:

“Maybe I could just watch?” 

So that’s what they do. She sits while he plays his game, stopping every now and then to explain how to make certain moves and unlock certain weapons. She lays her head in his lap. They don’t talk about it.

Wednesday, August 6th, 2023 - Day 4 of quarantine

On Wednesday, they drink. Wine bottles were lined on the coffee table in front of the couch as Desirée’s legs rested on Andy’s lap. She feels his thumb running softly along her calves as she stares at the ceiling. 

“I’m sorry I was being a bitch on Monday.” Desirée murmured, her head hanging on the arm of the couch. “I haven’t done that in a long time. I thought I was getting better at not being so...me.”

“You wanted space and I pushed.” Andy squeezes her calf. “I’m sorry, too.”

Maybe it’s the wine or the way his hand feels on her leg, but she feels emboldened in a way she hasn’t in years. So emboldened that she finally asks:

“Why didn’t we end up working it out?” She whispers softly. 

The question lingers between them. The thought had plagued her thoughts ever since that first night, and the morning after, but she’d never dared to say it aloud before this moment. 

“We were headed in two different directions,” Andy says after a while. He turns to face her and forces a smile, which she returns. “You were going to New York City to become some big-time stylist and I was going to Los Angeles to be a basketball player. Our lives were just going to be too different.” 

She remembers what she’d told him years ago; that their lives were just beginning and their relationship had no future in them. But 4 years later, she’s finding that her heart beats just as fast when he winks at her and hugs her as it did before. And she’s not imagining the redness on his cheeks when she lets her gaze linger too long or the feeling of his arms tightening around her in the morning. 

Of course, that was never the problem, was it?

“I wish we would’ve figured it out.”

“Me too.”

He sleeps with his back to her. They don’t talk about it.

Thursday, August 7th, 2023 - Day 5 of quarantine

Thursday, and the rest of the week frankly, is spent looking at the news. The cheery news anchor, who’s broadcasting live via Skype, promises that everything will be over in a couple of weeks, but independent news outlets are projecting that citizens of Westchester County should expect to stay in their homes for the next couple of months. 

They finally name the new age plague cutis dissolutitis, but everyone sticks to calling it the Westchester Plague. Apparently, high pH bacteria erode the skin until the person has no outer layer of protection left. They have yet to figure out how the disease is transmitted. There have been 3 casualties so far, and each one has been due to suicide rather than the disease itself. 

“Holy shit,” Andy gasps as medical professionals bicker like middle schoolers on the TV screen. “Do you really think it’s only going to be a couple of weeks?”

“No,” Desirée replies. The monosyllabic response is horrifyingly final.

She wants to be wrong.

Friday, August 8th, 2023 - Day 6 of quarantine

On Friday, the first case outside of Westchester County is reported. 

“A 25-year-old woman has contracted the Westchester Plague in Big Bear, California. The patient has claimed to not have been to or from Westchester in her lifetime. The governor of Oregon has scheduled a press conference this afternoon. More at 12-”

Andy turns off the TV. 

Saturday, August 9th, 2023 - Day 7 of quarantine

On Saturday, they run out of food. 

Neither wants to leave the other alone in the house, so they tentatively head to the nearest grocery store. They grab the essentials.  In the checkout line, everyone stands 6 feet apart from each other. Every person who dares to be out, save for her and Andy, is wearing gloves and a mask. Boxes of both items are given to each shopper as they exit the store. 

Each day, life comes closer and closer to becoming a dystopian nightmare. As they return back to Andy’s apartment, she wonders if she’ll start calling it home soon.

[outofmylimitcal]

The Hating Game Pt. 1 - Calum Hood

a/n: some how this got deleted the first time around ???? but here you go College!Cal, i was gonna do frat cal but i avoid them like the plague at school so not the best idea. first part of the series and i dont know how many parts there’s going to be ,, anyway enjoy and lmk what you think!!

part 2

synopsis: natalie has held a grudge against calum since he screwed her over in first year, and cause he’s kind of a snarky asshole, but when he comes to her rescue one night will all be forgiven??

word count: 2023

warnings: swearing, drinking, and kinda smutty??? but not sex

-----

To say I was done with school would have been an understatement, all my midterms were done, and the semester had hit that lull in between when finals hadn’t started yet, but you had nothing else on your plate. Third year was so close to being done and I could almost taste graduation even if it was a year out, so far, my engineering program had smacked my ass to Pluto and back. Setting my phone down on my desk, I walked into the living room to be met with my two best friends, Charlotte who was also in engineering, and Sierra who was pre-med and hoping to get into med school after her undergrad.

“Hi yes we need to go out for our last free weekend of the semester.” I exclaimed plopping down onto the couch and startling them both up from their phones.

“Luke invited us out to that bar on Main street, all the boys will be there too.” Sierra replied letting us know her boyfriend’s plans, looking back down at her phone. At the thought of ‘all the boys’ I let out a fake gag.

“C’mon Natalie, you seriously still can’t hold a grudge against Calum for what he did in FIRST year.” Char let out, slapping me across the arm.

“I can and I will, I’m down to go, but I can’t say I’ll be pleasant towards him.” I scoffed grabbing the TV remote and aimlessly flipping through the channels.

Okay, maybe holding a grudge for two years is a little bit of an overkill, but when Calum ruined my perfect grade in a class because he thought it was going to be an easy elective and I was going to do the entire project (mind you it was worth 40% of our grade) for him because as he put it ‘it’s my major, I shouldn’t have a problem doing it alone’ do I get to hold a grudge. I mean who the fuck takes computer science as an elective, I didn’t even want to take it and it was mandatory for me. But with him not doing his part, my grade suffered, and with that went my liking for Calum. It may be petty but I’m as petty as they come, nowadays I mildly tolerate him since our friends like to hang out together but not without the fair share of sarcastic banter between us.

“Anyways, it’s 8:00 and they probably want to meet around 9:30 so we should go get ready.” I say turning off the TV and tossing the remote back onto the coffee table, standing up and booping their noses I start the walk back to my room.

“Maybe you should fuck him, that would alleviate the weird ass tension between you two.” Char yells out from the living room, followed by a burst of laughing coming from Si. I continue walking back to my room, flipping them off behind me.

✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰

Meeting back up in the living room at a quarter after 9, my makeup was done, I’d thrown on some random band tee, and slipped on my shoes and leather jacket, twirling my house keys in my fingers as I took one last look in the mirror.

“Hurry the fuck up, I don’t wanna get stuck in the line. Again.” I yelled out to them, and as if on cue they walked into the foyer, clipping their bags closed and fixing up the last few things.

“For someone who says they hate him, y’all sure do dress very alike.” Char chirped while slipping on her own shoes.

“Hate is a very strong word Char, it’s more of a strong distaste.” I piped back giving my most sarcastic smile, unlocking the door and calling the uber. They followed me out the apartment, and down to the uber waiting outside.

“They said they’re at a table in the back, and that the line to get in wasn’t too long.” Sierra said looking down at her phone and sending a quick text back. Hopping out of the uber and saying a quick thank you to the driver, we shuffled over to the line and saw only about 5 people infront of us.

“See the line isn’t that long, no need to rush us.” Charlotte said, earning only an eyeroll from me. Showing our IDs to the bouncer, and paying the cover we walked into the bar, that kind of turns into a club on weekends, with tables moved to welcome a dance floor, and a DJ playing everything from Top 40s to rap throwbacks, it was THE place to be on weekends in the small university town. Getting here early meant getting a table, and not having to wait too long in the lineup outside. Sierra tapped Charlotte’s shoulder and pointed somewhere near the back, most likely to the table the boys had decided to residence up at. They both turned to look at me, relaying information I had already deduced from their hand motions.

“You guys go ahead, I’m gonna go get a drink first.” God knows I’m going to need it tonight. Making a bee-line to the bar and taking a seat on the stool, I got the attention of a bartender, ordering a vodka sprite. I spun around to survey the area, as I scanned the crowd of dancing people, my eyes landed on Ben, my ex-boyfriend who cheated on me, and stole all my chemistry notes in the process, leading me to fail said chem class’ midterms. He was looking real cozy with some blonde chick I recognized from one of my classes, and as he looked up, I locked eyes with him. If looks could kill Ben would be a deadman. I could feel my blood boiling as he gave me a small smile or smirk. I don’t care, I didn’t look long enough for it to register, spinning back around, taking my drink and paying the bartender with a small smile I walked away to meet my friends. Approaching the table, I could see Sierra and Luke cozied up in their own world, and Charlotte in a debate with Ashton and Michael about something to do with our last physics midterm since they were both in our program, and Calum staring off into space with his hand around his beer. Surveying the table, I saw the only spot left was next to Calum, those fuckers. Plopping down I let out a huff, placing my drink on the table. This was enough to snap Char out of her conversation.

“Yo what’s up with you?” She questioned giving me a puzzled look.

“I saw Ben when I was at the bar.” I replied twirling my straw through my drink.

“Woah wait Ben’s here?” Sierra piped from the other side of the table.

“Who the fuck is Ben?” Ashton mused looking around the table at what was transpiring. Before I could respond, Charlotte explained.

“He’s the asshole who cheated on Nat a month ago, and then stole her chem notes so she failed the last midterm.”

Wide eyes and little chirps of yikes were thrown, causing me to down my drink in response. I’m gonna need a little liquid courage to get through tonight.

“Well that’s what you get for dating a guy named Benjamin.” I turned to my right to look at Calum who just chuckled at my reaction, reaching over and grabbing his beer from his hand, I downed the entire thing too, smacking it on the table as I wiped my mouth and locked my eyes onto his look of disbelief. Correction, I’m gonna need a LOT more alcohol to get through tonight.

✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰

As the night progressed, dancing ensued, and plenty more drinks were consumed. Feeling a little more than just buzzed, but definitely not shit-faced, I couldn’t lie and say I wasn’t having fun dancing with my best friends, but every time I looked up all I could see was Ben’s shitty smirk and every time it managed to knock me down a few pegs. This time was the last straw, as I turned to my friends and motioned drinking water, finding my way back to our table, I sat down and pulled out my phone. After a few minutes of scrolling aimlessly a figure plopped down, opposite of me, expecting it to be Ben I didn’t look up.

“Awn little benny boo got you down love.” Okay, definitely not Ben, I looked up to be met with the smirk of Calum.

“Aye, fuck off Calum.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.” He replied leaning forward with his elbows on the table. “What if I told you I had an idea?”

“Well I’d tell you to shove it somewhere the sun doesn’t shine.”

“Damn, aren’t we snarky tonight. But just hear me out okay, Ben keeps looking at you trying to make you jealous, and even if he was an asshole you still kind of have feelings for him, right?” I nodded along, not really knowing where this conversation was going. “Well how about we dance a little too close for comfort, and hope he gets the message?”

My eyebrows furrowed as I thought about his offer in my head, Calum was attractive there’s no doubt, and if things turned out differently maybe I would have pursued something there. My mind then flashed to what Char had said earlier, and this too could be used as an opportunity to fuck with them as well.

“Say I was thinking of taking you up on your offer, we’re going to need shots first.” I cocked an eyebrow at him. Slapping his hands together, he climbed around the table, and put his hand out as if I should lead the way. Rolling my eyes at him but leading the way to the bar. Once there I could feel him pressing against me. “Guess it starts now huh?”

Moving my hair out of the way, chills ran down me as I felt his hot breath on my skin, whispering into my ear I hear him say, “Cute band tee by the way, someone could almost say you’re copying my style.”

My breath hitched at the sudden closeness, and I couldn’t get attention of the bartender faster, needing those drinks now. All I could hear was chuckle from Calum as he moved from behind me to beside me.

“Cheers.” He states as raising his shot and downing it, before taking the second one and doing the same. “C’mon let’s go dance.”

Grabbing my hand and leading me to where my friends were dancing on the dance floor, Calum spun me around, so I was in front of him and placed his hands on my hips. Looking up Sierra and Char had puzzled looks on their faces and mouths open as if about to speak, raising my hand to silence them, I melted into Calum, slowly grinding my hips to whatever song was playing. Friends who kind of hate each other can still dance with each other, right? Closing my eyes and further sinking into him, I let one hand rest on his on my hip, the other going to the back of his neck playing with the hair at the tap of his neck. Hearing him groan in response, I smirked to myself. The swaying continued, and I kept my hold on his hair, his free hand that I wasn’t holding would drift up my side, or around and to my butt making me tense and giggle anytime he hit a spot that kind of tickled. It felt weird to say that I was enjoying this, it’s been so long since I’ve just carelessly danced with a guy at a bar. Finally letting my eyes flutter open I looked dead ahead of me, already seeing Ben, eyebrows furrowed, mouth agape, before turning around and storming away from the girl he was with. Spinning myself so I was now face-to-face with Calum, I wrapped my arms around his neck leaning forward to whisper in his ear. “Looks like it worked, thanks for the help handsome.”

Kissing his cheek before coming to stand straight, I turned to Char and Sierra, letting them know I was gonna head out and that I would see them at home. Sierra yelled out a quick, “Text me when you get home.” I weaved my way out of the bar to stand outside waiting for my uber.

“Hey Nat, wait up!” I spun around to see Calum walking towards me scratching the back of my neck. “You mind if I crash at yours? I’m pretty sure Ashton’s gonna bring a girl home and my rooms next to his and the walls are too thin, and I just don’t wanna hear that and yeah.”

I studied Calum and suddenly the man that’s usually so sure of himself looked nervous? If it was any other night I would say no, and maybe it’s because my inhibitions are lowered due to all the alcohol, and I kind of do owe him for how he helped me out tonight. So before I could even stop the words coming out of my mouth I said, “Uh yeah sure, my uber’s about to be here any minute.”

✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰

if this has any typos i dont claim them

[wandaposting]

Hi!! Thank you so much for gifing all those scenes and your Wanda appreciation is magnificent and what she deserves! Did you like Endgame overall?

i had to wait a bit before responding to this because i don’t know how i feel about endgame overall sldfkslf

what i LOVED WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY SOUL

EVERY NANOSECOND OF WANDA MAXIMOFF

what i loved

nebula

her interactions with tony on the benatar, playing paper football with him, giving him the last rations ;__;

reconciling with 2014 gamora ;___;

scott lang being a cutiepie as always

hulk eating hunk-a-hulk-a-burning fudge :)

“hail hydra” they actually did it in a way that made people love it instead of hate it, those mad lads

america’s ass

tony stark 3000 ;___________;

revisiting old films from a different pov was interesting!!

rhodey being real af

rocket raccoon also being real af

steve’s last stand, i mean dawg

basically that entire third arc up until ……… the steve scenes

what i liked

most of the movie p much

more cameos from the community cast sklfds cute

what i am not Fond of but can rationalize an Understanding of

tony dying :( - him living and enjoying the rest of his retirement with morgan and pepper would’ve been the far superior ending for me, but i can see how this closes out his arc as The main character of the 2008-2019 MCU in epic and tragic fashion

natasha dying :( - after some thought i understand her choice, it would’ve been better if we got more context of her being stressed and driven af during the 5 year period, i think. maybe she’ll come back to life in her movie who knows (if secret empire did it it can HAPPEN) but i want her to liiiiiiiiive, i mean are they really going to have another SOLO(ish) situation sdklfsj

fat thor :| - apparently his depression has many layers, like an onion. or dante’s inferno. there’s depression circa infinity war and then there’s Big Lebowski Depression. i feel like fat thor as a haha-running-joke dragged on for way too long after how impactful his grief and anger already was in infinity war, but i guesssss he’s in a better place now and i’m def looking forward to seeing his story continue from hereee

there were a couple other jokes that felt dragged out. like the “aww scott wook at the cute wittle puppy” one. eh.

what i don’t like and don’t expect to ever like, i basically hate it

that steve ending huh

“end of the line” my ass… but i have to believe he at least broached the topic with bucky privately, and asked if he wanted to come, and i have to believe that bucky made the choice to continue his new life in 2023

still are we just going to ignore that sharon carter ever existed

are we going to ignore the preestablished time travel logic that you can’t change the past, ergo you can’t go back in time to be peggy’s secret husband

it’s either this or assuming that he jumped ship to a DIFFERENT timeline (which is even more shitty imo) – but i don’t think that’s how it happened because joe biden steve didn’t come out of the quantum machine?

so is the implication that there were TWO STEVE ROGERS at any given point from the 1940s-2023??? and that there are always going to be two steve rogers for that particular time period forever and ever?? i’m also assuming he had to have showed up at peggy’s doorstep after the agent carter series ended, and we’d have to handwave ………. a lot of other things

i guess sharon’s mysterious great uncle was always on the shitter whenever she came by to visit

that ageing cgi looked great though

still hate it

OVERALL

YEAH I REALLY LIKED IT HAHA

[baekhvuns]

oh my god.

how long... how long has it been?!!?!? MISS BAEKHVUNS KIRA I MISSED U SO MUCH!!! I hope you have been doing well for the past weeks..month??? when I wasn't here.. and if you were miserable then that's understandable it's because I wasn't here but now I am so stop being sad UR STARRY ANON IS BACKKK!!!!

god i missed it here so much?? but anyway in the past month i wasn't here, i did so much!! i have finally graduated this year of high school being the 2nd in the class with an average of 9,92 (out of 10) so i see this with such an achievement honestly!! i have also been trying to love myself more and give myself more confidence which i think it's working out and im finally getting out of my introvert shell which again i didn't think it was possible 💀 im even going out tomorrow with some friends.. oh and i also started talking with a boy who has a car from last summer and i can't wait for him to drive me around when he gets home in august🤭 all is fair in love and war

and it's summer!! i honestly pray this summer will be good since it will be my last one as a high school student and then ill have exams and shit - im already preparing for them bc i don't want May 2023 to come and me being left in the dark bc I did not study at all.. but well I hope it will be good, I'm planning a lot so I hope I can get at least 2 or 3 things done off my bucket list heh

but how abt u?? how have u been? have ur exams went well? do u still have more and if so i wish u get the best results ever!!! how's your summer so far? do u have any plans for it this year? and how is my favorite bodyguard hwa fic going 👀 RIGHT I REMEMBER U SAYING smth abt u getting a svt ticket?? did u end up getting it?

well that's it for my long message i hope this message finds u well and u don't get annoyed by it 💀 - 🌃

omg

oh my god.

oh my god.

how long... how long has it been?!!?!? MISS BAEKHVUNS KIRA I MISSED U SO MUCH!!! I hope you have been doing well for the past weeks..month??? when I wasn't here.. and if you were miserable then that's understandable it's because I wasn't here but now I am so stop being sad UR STARRY ANON IS BACKKK!!!!

LMFAOOOO I THINK ITS BEEN A MONTH?? i was yes very miserable bc park seonghwa <3 nVDKSBDNS FINALLY UR BACK HOW WAS UR EXAMS AND STUFF and that shitty ass guy 🔫

god i missed it here so much?? but anyway in the past month i wasn't here, i did so much!! i have finally graduated this year of high school being the 2nd in the class with an average of 9,92 (out of 10) so i see this with such an achievement honestly!! i have also been trying to love myself more and give myself more confidence which i think it's working out and im finally getting out of my introvert shell which again i didn't think it was possible 💀 im even going out tomorrow with some friends.. oh and i also started talking with a boy who has a car from last summer and i can't wait for him to drive me around when he gets home in august🤭 all is fair in love and war

OH MY GOD??? CONGRATULATIONS??? WHAT THE FUCK??? YOUR SO SMART???? GIMME UR BRAIN RN???? WHAT?? THE??? FUCK??? omg love this new starry anon era that hOPEFULLY BETTER LAST FOR A LONG TIME !!!! oh 👁👁 which car u say 👁👁 JCJCKSNM UR HAVING UR SUMMER ROMANCE 😩😩✨ YN ERA INCOMING

and it's summer!! i honestly pray this summer will be good since it will be my last one as a high school student and then ill have exams and shit - im already preparing for them bc i don't want May 2023 to come and me being left in the dark bc I did not study at all.. but well I hope it will be good, I'm planning a lot so I hope I can get at least 2 or 3 things done off my bucket list heh

omg pls enjoy your last year so much,,,, you’ll be taking it for granted but genuinely have so much fun pls !!!!! (this comes from someone who never got to enjoy it bc miss rona) skip a class or two and go get some food and drinks and fool around in the parking lots 😭😭😭 !!!! LIKE GO CRAZY GO STUPID FUN i hope it’ll all be good!! you’ll pass and from ur credentials welcome to the scholarship club <3

but how abt u?? how have u been? have ur exams went well? do u still have more and if so i wish u get the best results ever!!! how's your summer so far? do u have any plans for it this year? and how is my favorite bodyguard hwa fic going 👀 RIGHT I REMEMBER U SAYING smth abt u getting a svt ticket?? did u end up getting it?

omg bestie i had some really fun times staying home for the past two months i had crazy grades the gpa bOOSTED 😭😭😭 MY EXAMS WENT RLY WELL !!!! fr was bc of u fbndbd thank u so much 😭😭 oh GIRLIE SUMMER IS NEVER IN CANADA ITS ALWAYS WINTER COLD AND ITS RAINING ATM 😭😭 but summer will be fun!! lots of travelling!! OH OH BODYGUARD IS GOING 😮‍💨😮‍💨 SO GOOD BUT I HAVE ANOTHER SERIES IM GETTING DISTRACTED BY FBFBKFHD NO BESTIE SVT TICKETS ARE SO FUCKING EXPENSIVE ITS 700$ PER PERSON ????????? WHAT THE HELL 😭😭😭

well that's it for my long message i hope this message finds u well and u don't get annoyed by it 💀 - 🌃

omg the “hope this message finds you well” gave me ptsd <//3 LMFAOOO HEY IM NOT ANNOYED DW DW WELCOME BACK MISS BAGUETTE

[monstersmutpeddler]

Fire In His Blood: A Post-Apocalyptic Dragon Romance

By Ruby Dixon

Monster Scale

Level 02: Mostly Human But Minor Differences 

Can be a huge golden dragon the size of a small airplane, or a mostly human man that is covered in scales in places and has horns.

There is a bite/venom injection thing that bonds a mate to said dragon. Can only be done once. As far as I know, from this first book it’s not very pleasurable and more of an ouchy. 

My Overall Rating For The Book

“Not A Fan Personally, But Some Scenes Are Cool and I Know Other People Might Like It”

I might come back to this series if I’m in the mood for this specific setting/characters, but it didn’t have that ‘umph’ I needed. 

I also stopped reading the book at the 75% mark or so, I don’t know how it ends. 

Overly Simplified Summary

In our world, a rift opened up several years ago and a bunch of crazy ass dragons flew out of it. They’ve been causing havoc since, and our leading lady is set up to be bait/a sacrifice for them. Shenanigans ensue. 

If you like dragons, post-apocalyptic times (that's set in 2023, lol), an overprotective love interest that acts slightly more animalistic, and a sassy heroine; you’ll probably like this book! 

Put that on at a 85% chance if you liked Ice Planet Barbarians and want more Ruby Dixon. 

Keep reading for ‘This Book Has Everything’ and possible Trigger Warnings.

This Book Series Has Everything

[x] Touch them and I’ll kill you vibes

[x] Love interest that you want to smack across the face at some point

Dude acts a bit animalistic, and that can lead to some stuff that can teeter on the edge of dubious consent. So I did want to smack him a couple times. 

[x] Big buff love interest 

[x] Soul mates or fated mates

He bites her and they are bound. 

[x] Miscommunication happens between leads at some point

He’s a dragon man and she’s a human woman. They also cannot understand each other’s languages. He understands the word ‘No’ though, thank god. 

[x] Love interest goes on a rampage when main character is either hurt or kidnapped

[x] Love interest either wins or kidnaps lead

[x] Love interest has a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde thing going on 

Not the fun kind though, this is like a rage mode.

[x] Straight 

[x] Language barrier 

[x] Couple bonds in a Bear Grylls survival situation 

[x] Forced proximity 

[x] Dude got an interesting dick

[x] There is something wrong with the current female population, hence humans 

[x] Love interest is a villain

Unintentionally, but yeah. In a way. 

[x] Kinky af sex

Only during the bonding thing during the first sex scene, where he bites her and its not pleasurable. 

[x] Super scary/dangerous but very gentle and sweet with the one they love

Here’s a link to read/buy the book!

Trigger Warnings

[x] Main character had a really bad relationship with an ex at one point

It’s mentioned that an ex just stole all her shit. So she’s not very trusting. 

[x] Character is about to or gets raped 

[x] Kidnapped/held captive against their will

[x] Dubious Consent 

The biting/bonding part wasn't consensual. Heroine was not into that and was very upset about being bonded to the love interest without consent. 

[x] Really shitty childhood, usually abuse involved 

Apocalypse was not kind, and the heroine is jaded.