#2022-08-08

[pieterpretorius]

The wedge-tailed eagle is Australia's largest bird of prey: a huge dark eagle with long powerful wings and a long wedge shape or diamond tail. This one was resting next to the road.

[iwtv-az-hours]

Happy 2 years of gay shenanigans!! 🎂

[fullcravings]

Date Night Mocha Brownie for Two

[dollible]

Tax Dollector

The scarred, towering hulk of a man bristles and drops his boulder-sized fist on the table. Wood creaks, splinters; tea cups jump in the air and spill some of their contents.

“This is fucking ridiculous!” He shouts, spraying spit, indignant; his face contorted in rage.

The little figure across from the table does not flinch. With refined poise, it raises the teacup to its perfect pale lips. Looks down, takes a little sip.

“I assure you, my preliminary calculations are very conservative.”

It looks up to the barrel of a shotgun. The hulk of a man is sneering. “I think I’m gonna plead the second, you porcelain b-” His upper torso explodes in a shower of gore, painting the wall behind him a messy dark red.

The doll snaps its wrist back in place, tests its fingers. Shame about the property price. Back in its little car resembling a beetle more than a vehicle, it opens the teletype.

]UNCOOPERATIVE 1 DEAD NEED CLEANUP RFT

The operator on the other side gives it a new address in seconds; the doll starts the engine, and the printer begins spitting out rows of transactions.

The address points it to an ancient castle outside the town. It stops its coughing vehicle in the driveway the size of a park, collects the papers in its pastel ruffled tote bag, and walks up the well-maintained stairs to the gigantic cathedral-sized doors.

No soul in sight. It double-checks the printouts, squinting a little. Hoard levy?.. That’s… an ancient and rarely applied form of a savings account interest tax? Curious.

It knocks.

Nobody answers for minutes.

Just as the doll chambers a breaching round in its wrist, the doors swing open. Its quick, tiny steps reverberate in the monumental empty space of the unlit gothic hall.

It stops in the middle, straightens its French blue dress; clearly apprehensive. Before it can introduce itself, a booming voice echoes around the hall like a choir in an asylum.

“A little treat comes into my domain!”

An orchestra of inhuman whispers, like hundreds of nails screeching on a blackboard.

The doll gazes upwards to the distant, shaded ceiling, and discerns snakelike motions of something truly gargantuan.

The monster descends through the beams of sunlight that illuminate its scaled body, slithers along the brick walls, surrounds its guest in its coils.

The doll doesn’t shoot. It recognizes well when it’s hopelessly outmatched. Instead, it offers an unconvincing smile.

The master of the house giggles with the sound of a steady stream of golden coins trickling down a pile.

Its massive body shrinks and folds unto itself, rows of scales overlapping and contracting, coils slithering faster and faster, until a human figure walks out of the chaos…

… and the doll looks up to see a disarming smile on the chiseled face of a ten feet tall woman with dark iridescent skin.

It gathers its last shreds of bravery. “Good evening, ma’am! This one is here regarding-” it consults the papers, “your hoard levy going back 230 years?”

The terrifyingly tall woman looks down at the doll half her height. Appraises its ruffled bag, its straight knee-length dress, its black official-looking shoes and matching thigh-highs,

and lets out a courtly laugh in a wonderful, melodic voice. The doll takes a tiny step back.

“Oh my-

-oops, sorry! Oh my Gods! You’re so tiny! And cute! And that serious mug, oh, I can’t hold myself!” She bends down, grabs the doll by its waist, raises it up and starts smothering it with kisses.

Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!

The doll decides it won’t be having any of it. “Cease- And- Desist- This- Instant!” it shouts indignantly, punctuating every word with the flailing of its ball-jointed arms. “You! Are! Smooching! A! Government! Official! I am going to punish you with a fine! A fine for every! single! humiliating! kiss! I’m counting!”

”Worth it!” the huge dragon lady exclaims. “Wow, you’re feisty! Hey, levy doll-” The affronted Government Official snaps. “It’s ‘Tax Dollector’, thank you very much!”

The dragon lady puffs her cheeks and snickers. “Whaaaa- your superiors have an odd sense of humor!”

“They do not have a sense of humor, miss.” the doll solemnly replies. “They’re the Revenue Service.”

An awkward silence hangs in the air.

“Hey, uh, would you like to see this one’s calculator?” The doll, still suspended in midair, rummages through its bag, produces a device.

The dragon lady seems captivated by the gadget. “How quaint, what does it do?”

“A lot of things with numbers! This one doesn’t use it, though! It can count very well, you know.”

The lady suddenly shifts to a respectful expression. “Count, hmm… Would you like to see my hoard?”

The doll nods, and gets whiplash as it’s carried through endless halls and corridors and staircases (every door respectfully opens before the dragon slams into it), until they enter a vast cavernous hall; no country could hope to construct anything like that.

The place could house multiple villages or a small town; its walls are so high it has its own climate. The floor is buried entirely under mountains of treasure: every precious in every possible form, countless artifacts strewn around.

They fly to the highest peak, where the doll notices a little open-plan boudoir; there’s a huge bed that could fit the draconic form of this charismatic tax dodger, and a cuddle pile of dressed-up dolls napping on it. Well, at least there’s bound to be good tea in this place.

The dragon lady places it next to the pile gently, avoiding waking anyone up, and whispers to it with a gentle smile.

“Welcome to my hoard, you beautiful little thing. Sleep well.” She curls around the snoozing dollpile and starts drifting off.

The Tax Dollector yawns, takes a look around. Perhaps it could start by inventorying this terribly messy hoard of treasures. It’s pretty good at counting the uncountable. A few decades’ work?

It yawns again, stretches, and curls up against the drake. It can start tomorrow. ∎

[mikemediagallery]

[rubbish78]

a quick smile between old friends

[trexalicious]

Remembering Queen Elizabeth II

The last world leader to have seen active service in the Second World War, in a time when cheap, vain and vacuous non-entities came and went in the political world she remained steadfast, sturdy and strong, representing her country with dignity, duty, humility and boundless energy to the last. She promised a lifetime of service to her God, her country and her people and she beyond delivered.

We will not see her like again. Hail to Queen Elizabeth II, the Great Queen. May you rest in peace. 🙏

[fagstableonline]

[glimmerofawesome]

[la-chica-azul-de-alla]

Estoy viciada a tu voz porque nunca te conocí y ni la cara te vi.

Luux

[kopw]

[honeyfr0g]

long time no see ToA fandom

[finelyagedlemons]

perhaps my most unexpected takeaway from aa4 was how badly i need these two to be weekend besties

[wangsejabin]

Table of Contents

27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 

37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46

47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56

57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 

67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 

77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 

87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96

97 98 99 100 101 102 103 interlude 104

105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114

115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 

125 126 127 128 129130 131 132 133 134

135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144

145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154

155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164

165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174

175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184

185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194

195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 extras

[dollible]

Eucharist

Theirs was a congregation of miserable people who have never built anything in their lives. They proclaimed themselves exiles, the unwanted; yet, they preferred to wallow in bitterness and their own rot instead of moving forward.

They would’ve never taken pardon even if offered.

Chained by their past, they agglutinated, held together by their grudges.

What passed for their settlement sprouted downstream from the cities they banished themselves from, on the conjoined deltas of the two largest rivers in the region.

Fishing others’ refuse out of the water is how they got by. Bloated corpses were snared, relieved of their clothes; their hair went to the seamstress, their teeth and bones were used to repair what meager tools they had.

This is how I was caught in their little heaven.

I was floating down the river, watching the clouds go by. They hooked me and reeled me in; when I moved to sneak a look at them, they scrambled away in fear.

Such pathetic people, afraid of something as puny. The ability to inspire fear was not built into me.

Pack mentality won over, though. They swarmed me, clubbed me over the head with a plank; that convinced these jittery people I was not going to resist. They stripped me of my linen robe and underwear, tore at my fine silky hair with their rusty blades.

My skin puzzled them, but they couldn’t do anything more sophisticated than poke at it. I looked in their eyes, and saw nothing but confusion and animosity.

It was then when I doubted who was less human among those present; I was made by others, while they unmade themselves.

They seemed to think I was their property now. That I understood well. They ordered me around with pointed fingers and annoyed hisses, and, like always, I bowed my head in silence and did what was asked of me, and did it well.

I was a meticulous servant, and yet they wanted more of me. I tried to speak to them, to help them understand of the danger that came with my artificial allure, but they never listened. Hunger blinded them.

They made me serve them in ways other than with my faultless handicraft.

I couldn’t blame them. I couldn’t blame, period; I did what they wanted me to, and indulged them.

They took me as wild animals, men and women equal in their savagery. They took pleasure in owning me, marking me as their inferior.

That was nothing new. I dreaded what was coming.

In their untamed ardor, they neglected everything else; fishing, gathering, repair—all was forgotten.

I understood, and was ready for it, and did not judge when a malnourished youth bobbing his head in between my legs took a testing bite out of my thigh.

They gasped and ogled at the sight of my flesh stitching itself back together, and I could almost see the cogs turning in their lust and hunger-addled heads.

When it clicked, the entire settlement was on me like a swarm of ants devouring a slug.

They tore at my neck, bit my fingers in half, washed my feet in spit then nibbled at my toes, gnawed at my lips, tore my vessels open and drank my blood.

I resigned to what was coming, and gave in.

After everyone has had their fill, and had some rest, the orgy began anew.

They were joyful as never before, so full of energy and fervor. All their anxiety was gone, replaced by sated bliss.

For the first time in their lives, they tasted love.

Marasmus no longer bothered them. Fatty tissue and muscles filled out anew, bodies repairing themselves.

Neoplasia took the first ones in their sleep. I snuck into their tent, but could do nothing but watch as my xenobiology went past what was needed and into what was excessive.

The only way to avoid it was not to take my body into theirs in the first place.

Their flesh grew in all directions, bodies contorted, skin ripped and tore, globules of fat fell out, muscles and tendons curled like broken mainsprings.

As their eyes were squashed by their skulls and their cries by their throats, I held their heads and comforted them.

I walked through the settlement, wiped away tears and blood and whispered words of love, for my love was sincere and my desire to care for them stemmed from my very core.

And as my soul ached for them, I looked in their eyes and, with indescribable joy, finally saw fulfillment.

When it was over and only the gentle susurrus of the river was breaking the dead of night, I dragged everybody to the center of the settlement and burned everything down.

I loved them from the bottom of my heart, but I knew well of dangers of contamination.

When all was done, I made myself a boat out of what didn’t burn down in the fire, set off from the shore and sailed for months in a direction I will not name, until I reached another place in another time, and, well, I suppose this is it for tonight.

What was your question again? Oh, you wanted to give my neck a love bite? Of course, my dear.

Just, please, don’t break the skin. ∎

[mikemediagallery]