#2021 Five Years of Remixes!

[hussyknee]

17/12/23 this masterlist has been completely revamped with free access to all material. It will be updated and edited periodically so please click on my username and reblog the current version directly from me if you're able.

14/8/24 reboosting this post with How to Help Palestine updated. Please scroll to the bottom to donate or boost the links.

Palestine: The Big Damn List

(Yes, it's a lot. Just choose your preferred medium and then pick ONE.)

Podcasts

Backgrounders and Quick Facts

Interactive Maps

Teach-Out Resources

Reading Material (free)

Films and Documentaries (free)

Non-Governmental Organizations

Social Media

How You Can Help <- URGENT!!!

Podcasts

Cocktails & Capitalism: The Story of Palestine Part 1, Part 3

It Could Happen Here: The Cheapest Land is Bought with Blood, Part 2, The Balfour Declaration

Citations Needed: Media narratives and consent manufacturing around Israel-Palestine and the Gaza Siege

The Deprogram: Free Palestine, ft. decolonizatepalestine.com.

Backgrounders and Quick Facts

The Palestine Academy: Palestine 101

Institute for Middle East Understanding: Explainers and Quick Facts

Interactive Maps

Visualizing Palestine

Teach-Out Resources

1) Cambridge UCU and Pal Society

Palestine 101

Intro to Palestine Film + Art + Literature

Resources for Organising and Facilitating)

2) The Jadaliya YouTube Channel of the Arab Studies Institute

Gaza in Context Teach-in series

War on Palestine podcast

Updates and Discussions of news with co-editors Noura Erakat and Mouin Rabbani.

3) The Palestine Directory

History (virtual tours, digital archives, The Palestine Oral History Project, Documenting Palestine, Queering Palestine)

Cultural History (Palestine Open Maps, Overdue Books Zine, Palestine Poster Project)

Contemporary Voices in the Arts

Get Involved: NGOs and campaigns to help and support.

3) PalQuest Interactive Encyclopedia of the Palestine Question.

4) The Palestine Remix by Al Jazeera

Books and Articles

Free reading material

My Gdrive of Palestine/Decolonization Literature (nearly all the books recommended below + books from other recommended lists)

Five free eBooks by Verso

Three Free eBooks on Palestine by Haymarket

LGBT Activist Scott Long's Google Drive of Palestine Freedom Struggle Resources

Recommended Reading List

Academic Books

Edward Said (1979) The Question of Palestine, Random House

Ilan Pappé (2002)(ed) The Israel/Palestine Question, Routledge

Ilan Pappé (2006) The Ethnic Cleansing of Palestine, OneWorld Publications

Ilan Pappé (2011) The Forgotten Palestinians: A History of the Palestinians in Israel, Yale University Press

Ilan Pappé (2015) The Idea of Israel: A History of Power and Knowledge, Verso Books

Ilan Pappé (2017) The Biggest Prison On Earth: A History Of The Occupied Territories, OneWorld Publications

Ilan Pappé (2022) A History of Modern Palestine, Cambridge University Press

Rosemary Sayigh (2007) The Palestinians: From Peasants to Revolutionaries, Bloomsbury

Andrew Ross (2019) Stone Men: the Palestinians who Built Israel, Verso Books

Rashid Khalidi (2020) The Hundred Years’ War on Palestine: A History of Settler Colonialism and Resistance 1917–2017

Ariella Azoulay (2011) From Palestine to Israel: A Photographic Record of Destruction and State Formation, 1947-1950, Pluto Press

Ariella Azoulay and Adi Ophir (2012) The One-State Condition: Occupation and Democracy in Israel/Palestine, Stanford University Press.

Jeff Halper (2010) An Israeli in Palestine: Resisting Dispossession, Redeeming Israel, Pluto Press

Jeff Halper (2015) War Against the People: Israel, the Palestinians and Global Pacification

Jeff Halper (2021) Decolonizing Israel, Liberating Palestine: Zionism, Settler Colonialism, and the Case for One Democratic State, Pluto Press

Anthony Loewenstein (2023) The Palestine Laboratory: How Israel exports the Technology of Occupation around the World

Noura Erakat (2019) Justice for Some: Law and the Question of Palestine, Stanford University Press

Neve Gordon (2008) Israel’s Occupation, University of California Press

Joseph Massad (2006) The Persistence of the Palestinian Question: Essays on Zionism and the Palestinians, Routledge

Memoirs

Edward Said (1986) After the Last Sky: Palestine Lives, Columbia University PEdward Saidress

Edward Said (2000) Out of Place; A Memoir, First Vintage Books

Mourid Barghouti (2005) I saw Ramallah, Bloomsbury

Hatim Kanaaneh (2008) A Doctor in Galilee: The Life and Struggle of a Palestinian in Israel, Pluto Press

Raja Shehadeh (2008) Palestinian Walks: Into a Vanishing Landscape, Profile Books

Ghada Karmi (2009) In Search of Fatima: A Palestinian Story, Verso Books

Vittorio Arrigoni (2010) Gaza Stay Human, Kube Publishing

Ramzy Baroud (2010) My Father Was a Freedom Fighter: Gaza's Untold Story, Pluto Press

Izzeldin Abuelaish (2011) I Shall Not Hate: A Gaza Doctor’s Journey on the Road to Peace and Human Dignity, Bloomsbury

Atef Abu Saif (2015) The Drone Eats with Me: A Gaza Diary, Beacon Press

Anthologies

Voices from Gaza - Insaniyyat (The Society of Palestinian Anthropologists)

Letters From Gaza • Protean Magazine

Salma Khadra Jayyusi (1992) Anthology of Modern Palestinian Literature, Columbia University Press

ASHTAR Theatre (2010) The Gaza Monologues

Refaat Alreer (ed) (2014) Gaza Writes Back, Just World Books

Refaat Alreer, Laila El-Haddad (eds) (2015) Gaza Unsilenced, Just World Books

Cate Malek and Mateo Hoke (eds)(2015) Palestine Speaks: Narrative of Life under Occupation, Verso Books

Jehad Abusalim, Jennifer Bing (eds) (2022) Light in Gaza: Writings Born of Fire, Haymarket Books

Short Story Collections

Ghassan Kanafani, Hilary Kilpatrick (trans) (1968) Men in the Sun and Other Palestinian Stories, Lynne Rienner Publishers

Ghassan Kanafani, Barbara Harlow, Karen E. Riley (trans) (2000) Palestine’s Children: Returning to Haifa and Other Stories, Lynne Rienner Publishers

Atef Abu Saif (2014) The Book of Gaza: A City in Short Fiction, Comma Press

Samira Azzam, Ranya Abdelrahman (trans) (2022) Out Of Time: The Collected Short Stories of Samira Azzam

Sonia Sulaiman (2023) Muneera and the Moon; Stories Inspired by Palestinian Folklore

Essay Collections

Edward W. Said (2000) Reflections on Exile and Other Essays, Harvard University Press

Salim Tamari (2008) Mountain against the Sea: Essays on Palestinian Society and Culture, University of California Press

Fatma Kassem (2011) Palestinian Women: Narratives, histories and gendered memory, Bloombsbury

Ramzy Baroud (2019) These Chains Will Be Broken: Palestinian Stories of Struggle and Defiance in Israeli Prisons, Clarity Press

Novels

Sahar Khalifeh (1976) Wild Thorns, Saqi Books

Liyana Badr (1993) A Balcony over the Fakihani, Interlink Books

Hala Alyan (2017) Salt Houses, Harper Books

Susan Abulhawa (2011) Mornings in Jenin, Bloomsbury

Susan Abulhawa (2020) Against the Loveless World, Bloomsbury

Graphic novels

Joe Sacco (2001) Palestine

Joe Sacco (2010) Footnotes in Gaza

Naji al-Ali (2009) A Child in Palestine, Verso Books

Mohammad Sabaaneh (2021) Power Born of Dreams: My Story is Palestine, Street Noise Book*

Poetry

Fady Joudah (2008) The Earth in the Attic, Sheridan Books,

Ghassan Zaqtan, Fady Joudah (trans) (2012) Like a Straw Bird It Follows Me and Other Poems, Yale University Press

Hala Alyan (2013) Atrium: Poems, Three Rooms Press*

Mohammed El-Kurd (2021) Rifqa, Haymarket Books

Mosab Abu Toha (2022) Things You May Find Hidden in My Ear: Poems from Gaza, City Lights Publishers

Tawfiq Zayyad (2023) We Are Here to Stay, Smokestack Books*

The Works of Mahmoud Darwish

Poems

Rafeef Ziadah (2011) We Teach Life, Sir

Nasser Rabah (2022) In the Endless War

Refaat Alareer (2011) If I Must Die

Hiba Abu Nada (2023) I Grant You Refuge/ Not Just Passing

[All books except the ones starred are available in my gdrive. I'm adding more each day. But please try and buy whatever you're able or borrow from the library. Most should be available in the discounted Free Palestine Reading List by Pluto Press, Verso and Haymarket Books.]

Human Rights Reports & Documents

Information on current International Court of Justice case on ‘Legal Consequences arising from the Policies and Practices of Israel in the Occupied Palestinian Territory, including East Jerusalem’

UN Commission of Inquiry Report 2022

UN Special Rapporteur Report on Apartheid 2022

Amnesty International Report on Apartheid 2022

Human Rights Watch Report on Apartheid 2021

Report of the United Nations Fact-Finding Mission on the Gaza Conflict’ 2009 (‘The Goldstone Report’)

Advisory Opinion on the Legal Consequences of the Construction of a Wall in the Occupied Palestinian Territory, International Court of Justice, 9 July 2004

Films

Documentaries

Jenin, Jenin (2003) dir. Mohammed Bakri

Massacre (2005) dir. Monica Borgmann, Lokman Slim, Hermann Theissen

Slingshot HipHop (2008) dir. Jackie Reem Salloum

Waltz with Bashir (2008) dir. Ari Folman † (also on Amazon Prime)

Tears of Gaza (2010) dir. Vibeke Løkkeberg (also on Amazon Prime)

5 Broken Cameras (2011) dir. Emad Burnat (also on Amazon Prime)

The Gatekeepers (2012) dir. Dror Moreh (also on Amazon Prime)

The Great Book Robbery (2012) | Al Jazeera English

Al Nakba (2013) | Al Jazeera (5-episode docu-series)

The Village Under the Forest (2013) dir. Mark J. Kaplan

Where Should The Birds Fly (2013) dir. Fida Qishta

Naila and the Uprising (2017) (also on Amazon Prime)

GAZA (2019) dir. Andrew McConnell and Garry Keane

Gaza Fights For Freedom (2019) dir. Abby Martin

Little Palestine: Diary Of A Siege (2021) dir. Abdallah Al Khatib 

Palestine 1920: The Other Side of the Palestinian Story (2021) | Al Jazeera World Documentary

Gaza Fights Back (2021) | MintPress News Original Documentary | dir. Dan Cohen

Innocence (2022) dir. Guy Davidi

Short Films

Fatenah (2009) dir. Ahmad Habash

Gaza-London (2009) dir. Dina Hamdan

Condom Lead (2013) dir. Tarzan Nasser, Arab Nasser

OBAIDA (2019) | Defence for Children Palestine

Theatrical Films

Divine Intervention (2002) | dir. Elia Suleiman (also on Netflix)

Paradise Now (2005) dir Hany Abu-Assad (also on Amazon Prime)

Lemon Tree (2008) (choose auto translate for English subs) (also on Amazon Prime)

It Must Be Heaven (2009) | dir. Elia Suleiman †

The Promise (2010) mini-series dir. Peter Kosminsky (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4)

Habibi (2011)* dir. Susan Youssef

Omar (2013)* dir. Hany Abu-Assad †

3000 Nights (2015)* dir. Mai Masri

Foxtrot (2017) dir. Samuel Maoz (also on Amazon Prime)

The Time that Remains (2019) dir. Elia Suleiman †

Gaza Mon Amour (2020) dir. Tarzan Nasser, Arab Nasser †

The Viewing Booth (2020) dir. Ra'anan Alexandrowicz (on Amazon Prime and Apple TV)

Farha (2021)* | dir. Darin J. Sallam

Palestine Film Institute Archive

All links are for free viewing. The ones marked with a star (*) can be found on Netflix, while the ones marked † can be downloaded for free from my Mega account.

If you find Guy Davidi's Innocence anywhere please let me know, I can't find it for streaming or download even to rent or buy.

In 2018, BDS urged Netflix to dump Fauda, a series created by former members of IOF death squads that legitimizes and promotes racist violence and war crimes, to no avail. Please warn others to not give this series any views. BDS has not called for a boycott of Netflix. ]

NGOs

The Boycott, Divestment, Sanctions (BDS) Movement

Euro-Mediterranean Human Rights Monitor

UNRWA

Palestine Defence for Children International

Palestinian Feminist Collective

Al-Shabaka: The Palestinian Policy Network

Addameer Prisoner Support and Human Rights Association

Institute for Palestine Studies

Al Haq

Artists for Palestine

The Palestine Museum

Jewish Currents

B’Tselem

DAWN

Social Media

Palestnians on Tumblr

@el-shab-hussein

@killyfromblame

@apollos-olives

@fairuzfan

@palipunk

@sar-soor

@nabulsi

@wearenotjustnumbers2

@90-ghost

@tamarrud

@northgazaupdates

Allies and advocates (not Palestinian)

@bloglikeanegyptian beautiful posts that read like op-eds

@vyorei daily news roundups

@luthienne resistance through prose

@decolonize-the-left scoop on the US political plans and impacts

@feluka

@anneemay

(Please don't expect any of these blogs to be completely devoted to Palestine allyship; they do post regularly about it but they're still personal blogs and post whatever else they feel like. Do not harrass them.)

Gaza journalists

Motaz Azaiza IG: @motaz_azaiza | Twitter: @azaizamotaz9 | TikTok: _motaz.azaiza (left Gaza as of Jan 23)

Bisan Owda IG and TikTok: wizard_bisan1 | Twitter: @wizardbisan

Saleh Aljafarawi IG: @saleh_aljafarawi | Twitter: @S_Aljafarawi | TikTok: @saleh_aljafarawi97

Plestia Alaqad IG: @byplestia | TikTok: @plestiaaqad (left Gaza)

Wael Al-Dahdouh IG: @wael_eldahdouh | Twitter: @WaelDahdouh (left Gaza as of Jan 13)

Hind Khoudary IG: @hindkhoudary | Twitter: @Hind_Gaza

Ismail Jood IG and TikTok: @ismail.jood (announced end of coverage on Jan 25)

Yara Eid IG: @eid_yara | Twitter: @yaraeid_

Eye on Palestine IG: @eye.on.palestine | Twitter: @EyeonPalestine | TikTok: @eyes.on.palestine

Muhammad Shehada Twitter: @muhammadshehad2

(Edit: even though some journos have evacuated, the footage up to the end of their reporting is up on their social media, and they're also doing urgent fundraisers to get their families and friends to safety. Please donate or share their posts.)

News organisations

The Electronic Intifada Twitter: @intifada | IG: @electronicintifada

Quds News Network Twitter and Telegram: @QudsNen | IG: @qudsn (Arabic)

Times of Gaza IG: @timesofgaza | Twitter: @Timesofgaza | Telegram: @TIMESOFGAZA

The Palestine Chronicle Twitter: @PalestineChron | IG: @palestinechron | @palestinechronicle

Al-Jazeera Twitter: @AJEnglish | IG and TikTok: @aljazeeraenglish, @ajplus

Middle East Eye IG and TikTok: @middleeasteye | Twitter: @MiddleEastEye

Democracy Now Twitter and IG: @democracynow TikTok: @democracynow.org

Mondoweiss IG and TikTok: @mondoweiss | Twitter: @Mondoweiss

The Intercept Twitter and IG: @theintercept

MintPress Twitter: @MintPressNews | IG: mintpress

Novara Media Twitter and IG: @novaramedia

Truthout Twitter and IG: @truthout

Palestnians on Other Social Media

Noura Erakat: Legal scholar, human rights attorney, specialising in Israeli–Palestinian conflict. Twitter: @4noura | IG: @nouraerakat | (http://www.nouraerakat.com/)

Hebh Jamal: Journalist in Germany. IG and Twitter: @hebh_jamal

Taleed El Sabawi: Assistant professor of law and researcher in public health. Twitter: @el_sabawi | IG

Lexi Alexander: Filmmaker and activist. Twitter: @LexiAlex | IG: @lexialexander1

Mariam Barghouti: Writer, blogger, researcher, and journalist. Twitter: @MariamBarghouti | IG: @mariambarghouti

Rasha Abdulhadi: Queer poet, author and cultural organizer. Twitter: @rashaabdulhadi

Mohammed el-Kurd: Writer and activist from Jerusalem. IG: @mohammedelkurd | Twitter: @m7mdkurd

Ramy Abdu: Founder and Chairman of the Euro-Mediterranean Human Rights Monitor. Twitter: @RamyAbdu

Subhi: Founder of The Palestine Academy website. IG: @sbeih.jpg |TikTok @iamsbeih | Twitter: @iamsbeih

‼️How You Can Help Palestine‼️

Click for Palestine (Please reblog!!)

Masterlist of donation links by @sulfurcosmos (Please reblog!!)

Water for Gaza: Donate directly to the Gaza Municipality

Gazafunds (vetted and spotlighted GFMs)

The Butterfly Effect Project (spreadsheet of vetted GFMs)

Operation Olive Branch has been removed in light of new revelations of unethical behaviour.

Spreadsheet of Gaza fundraisers vetted by @el-shab-hussein and @nabulsi

If any links are broken let me know. Or pull up the current post to check whether it's fixed.

"Knowledge is Israel's worst enemy. Awareness is Israel's most hated and feared foe. That's why Israel bombs a university: it wants to kill openness and determination to refuse living under injustice and racism."

— Dr. Refaat Alareer, (martyred Dec 6, 2023)

From River To The Sea Palestine Will Be Free 🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸

-----

Edit 1: took the first video down because turns out the animator is a terf and it links to her blog. Really sorry for any distress.

Edit 2: All recommended readings + Haymarket recommendations + essential decolonization texts have been uploaded to my linked gdrive. I will adding more periodically. Please do buy or check them out from the library if possible, but this post was made for and by poor and gatekept Global South bitches like me.

Some have complained about the memes being disrespectful. You're actually legally obligated to make fun of Israeli propaganda and Zionists. I don't make the rules.

Edit 3: "The river to the sea" does not mean the expulsion of Jews from Palestine. Believing that is genocide apologia.

Edit 4: Gazans have specifically asked us to put every effort into pushing for a ceasefire instead of donations. "Raising humanitarian aid" is a grift Western governments are pushing right now to deflect from the fact that they're sending billions to Israel to keep carpet bombing Gazans. As long as the blockades are still in place there will never be enough aid for two million people. (UPDATE: PLEASE DONATE to the Gazan's GoFundMe fundraisers to help them buy food and get out of Rafah into Egypt. E-SIMs, food and medical supplies are also essential. Please donate to the orgs linked in the How You Can Help. Go on the strikes. DO NOT STOP PROTESTING.)

Edit 5: Google drive link for academic books folder has been fixed. Also have added a ton of resources to all the other folders so please check them out.

Edit 6: Added interactive maps, Jadaliya channel, and masterlists of donation links and protest support and of factsheets.

The twitter accounts I reposted as it was given to me and I just now realized it had too many Israeli voices and almost none of the Palestinians I'm following, so it's being edited. (Update: done!) also removed sources like Jewish Voices of Peace and Breaking the Silence that do good work but have come under fair criticism from Palestinians.

Edit 7: Complete reformatting

Edit 8: Complete revamping of the social media section. It now reflects my own following list.

Edit 9: removed some more problematic people from the allies list. Remember that the 2SS is a grift that's used to normalize violence and occupation, kids. Supporting the one-state solution is lowest possible bar for allyship. It's "Free Palestine" not "Free half of Palestine and hope Israel doesn't go right back to killing them".

Edit 10: added The Palestine Directory + Al Jazeera documentary + Addameer. This "100 links per post" thing sucks.

Edit 11: more documentaries and films

Edit 12: reformatted reading list

Edit 13: had to remove @palipunk's masterlist to add another podcast. It's their pinned post and has more resources Palestinian culture and crafts if you want to check it out

Edit 14 6th May '24: I've stopped updating this masterlist so some things, like journalists still left in Gaza and how to support the student protests are missing. I've had to take a step back and am no longer able to track these things down on my own, and I've hit the '100 links per post' limit, but if you can leave suggestions for updates along with links in either the replies or my asks I will try and add them.

Edit 15 10th August: added to Palestinian allies list and reworked the Help for Palestine section. There's been a racist harrassment campaign against the Palestinian Tumblrs that vetted the Gaza fundraisers based off one mistake made by a Gazan who doesn't understand English. If you're an ally, shut that shit down. Even if you donate to a scam GFM, you're only out some coffee money; if everyone stops donating to all the GFMs in fear of scams, those families die.

Edit 16: removed entire section of allied accounts since the liberation of Syria because apparently leftists in the West are unable to both be against the Israel's genocide of Palestinians and Assad's genocide of Syrians. I should have treated the use of "Axis of Resistance" as the Tankie dog whistle it was.

Edit 17: Removed the Uncommitted Movement to pressure the Harris Presidential Campaign for obvious reasons.

Edit 18: Operation Olive Branch has come under fire for their lack of transparency, unethical behaviour and reporting their own volunteers to the FBI. Always be wary of white people spearheading anything to do with liberatory movements, from conversations to organizations.

[celinamarniss]

Year in Review

In 2024 I posted 4 fics at 53,035 words.

Previous years:

2023: 4 fics at 58,153 words

2022: 4 fics at 45,096 words.

2021: 3 fics posted, 55,788 words.

2020: 7 or 10 fics posted, 125,738 words.

2019: 7 fics posted, 72,149 words.

2018: 7 fics posted, 87,752 words

2016: 9 fics posted, 51,643 words

2017: 9 fics posted, 115,336 words

2016: 9 fics posted, 51,653 words

In total, 52 fics posted to Ao3.

Thrones, Dominions

31,420 words, explicit, Thrawn/Mara/Luke

I finally wrapped up the Triumvirate verse with a big flashy finale (and bound it, too). I started Triumvirate in 2019, which means I've spent six years on this series, and that blows my mind a little. (a lot).

Will there be more Triumvirate stories? I genuinely hope that other writers will take up the torch and write more fic for all fans of the series. I’m not sure if I’ll write any more myself. It could happen. But for now, I’m happy to let this series rest.

An Oral History of the Ewok Bikers of Endor

4,115, gen, an Uncommon Hazards fic

I pitched three story ideas to the From A Legends Point of View fic collection, and this is the concept they accepted. It takes an idea from the Uncommon Hazards series, that post-Endor, Ewoks have immigrated to Coruscant and started an illegal swoop racing industry.

As I began to write it, I realized that the fic challenge required 5k and this story wasn't much more than a 3k concept. I stretched it out to 4. I'm not sure that this story was exactly what the mods had in mind, but it was fun finding ways to bring in characters and reference different types of media.

A Smuggler’s Guide to Joining the Rebellion

14,355 words so far, gen, the sequel to The Things You Find on Tatooine.

I wanted to get this fic through all of ANH by the end of the year, but my brain didn't cooperate and I ran out of time. But Smuggler's Guide has been a fun distraction to carry through into 2025.

The Coruscant Job

3,145, gen, Fenig Nabon/Ghitsa Dogder

Who? you may ask. Why, the super obscure con artist team that appeared in three short stories in the 90s. AKA the Fenig Nabon/Ghitsa Dogder fic literally no one asked for, because no one even knows who these characters ARE. This was another idea I pitched to the FALPOV challenge, and while it wasn't selected, I wanted to write it anyway. It turns out that was a good decision, because what I wrote wouldn't have followed all of the FALPOV rules. (My idea moves their timeline forward and retcons the story “Credit for Your Thoughts.”) 

GOALS FOR 2025

Finish A Smuggler’s Guide to Joining the Rebellion (teen, Luke/Mara) The ongoing project. Progress: five chapters posted, uhhhh lots of scraps and and partial drafts in a doc.

Lando Calrissian and the Jewel of Andara (gen, Lando/Karrde, Luke/Mara) The Lando and Mara heist romcom I’ve been promising forever. Will 2025 finally be this fic's year??? at this point, I don't even know. Progress: three chapters drafted, but in need of heavy revision.

Experiments (teen? Luke/Mara) I honestly started to think this fic was dead dead, but this year I dusted off the old files and finished drafting the first two chapters. What happens next? I'm not really sure. I feel like this period/setting (Mara on Coruscant post TTT, pre Yavin) has already been well-worn by other fics recently and I don't know if there will be any interest in it. If I keep going, I'll have to come up with a outline and figure out what I want to do with the fic. Progress: two chapters drafted, but they may need to be merged into one chapter.

Other fics on the backburner:

Courtship remix

Daughter of the Rain and Snow (dead???)

More daemon fic! (I always want to write more daemon fic)

[mariacallous]

More than a decade after the advent of the 3D-printed gun as an icon of libertarianism and a gun control nightmare, police say one of those homemade plastic weapons has now been found in the hands of perhaps the world’s most high-profile alleged killer. For the community of DIY gunsmiths who have spent years honing those printable firearm models, in fact, the handgun police claim Luigi Mangione used to fatally shoot UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson is as recognizable as the now-famous alleged shooter himself—and shows just how practical and lethal those weapons have become.

In the 24 hours since police released a photo of what they say is Mangione’s gun following the 26-year-old’s arrest Monday, the online community devoted to 3D-printed firearms has been quick to identify the suspected murder weapon as a particular model of printable “ghost gun”—a homemade weapon with no serial number, created by assembling a mix of commercial and DIY parts. The gun appears to be a Chairmanwon V1, a tweak of a popular partially 3D-printed Glock-style design known as the FMDA 19.2—an acronym that stands for the libertarian slogan “Free Men Don’t Ask.”

The FMDA 19.2, released in 2021, is a relatively old model by 3D-printed-gun standards, says one gunsmith who goes by the first name John and the online handle Mr. Snow Makes. But it’s one of the most well-known and well-tested printable ghost gun designs, he says. The Chairmanwon V1 remix that police say Mangione had in his possession when he was arrested in a Altoona, Pennsylvania McDonald’s varies from that original FMDA 19.2 design only in that another amateur gunsmith, who goes by the pseudonym Chairmanwon, added a different texture to the gun’s grip.

“For someone who has been building firearms like this for five years, it’s a bit of an odd choice. We’ve been building nicer models,” says Mr. Snow Makes, who hosts an annual ghost gun shooting competition. But he adds that “this is one of the earliest 3D-print Glock styles that was widely tested and successful at creating a reliably functional firearm.”

Authorities in New York charged Mangione on Monday in the December 4 murder of Thompson, alongside weapons charges and other alleged offenses in Pennsylvania. A handwritten “manifesto” police say they found on Mangione's person upon his arrest laments UnitedHealthcare's practices and the US health insurance industry more broadly. Bullet casings discovered at the scene of the shooting outside the New York Hilton Midtown hotel in Manhattan were reportedly emblazoned with the words “deny,” “defend,” “depose”—likely criticisms of health care industry practices.

The fact that even a relatively old model of 3D-printed firearm allegedly allowed Mangione to shoot Thompson repeatedly on a Manhattan street—certainly the most high-profile shooting ever committed with a ghost gun or a 3D-printed weapon—shows how far DIY weapons tech has come, says Cody Wilson, the founder of the gun rights group Defense Distributed. Unlike the earliest 3D-printed gun models, the FDMA 19.2 can be fired hundreds or even thousands of times without its plastic components breaking.

“It just speaks to the ease with which you can do this,” says Wilson. “He doesn’t have to be an expert at 3D-printed guns or shooting, and it all works.”

Despite its simple description by law enforcement and others as a “3D-printed pistol,” the FMDA 19.2 is only partially 3D printed. That makes it fundamentally different from fully 3D-printed guns like the “Liberator,” the original one-shot, 3D-printed pistol Wilson debuted in 2013.

Instead, firearms built from designs like the FMDA 19.2 are assembled from a combination of commercially produced parts like barrels, slides, and magazines—sometimes sold in kits—and a homemade frame. Because that frame, often referred to as a “lower receiver” or “lower," is the regulated body of the gun, 3D-printing that piece or otherwise creating it at home allows DIY gunmakers to skirt gun-control laws and build ghost guns with no serial number, obtained with no background check or waiting period.

The FMDA 19.2 model, released by a group originally known as Deterrence Dispensed—a gun-building group initially inspired by Wilson’s Defense Distributed but now widely seen as a rival—was distinguished by its use of commercially available “rails,” the metal components that guide the upper part of the gun known as its slide, which retracts with every shot, resetting the trigger and loading a new round into the chamber. (In a widely circulated video of Thompson's murder, the gun allegedly fired by Mangione appears not to have functioned as a semiautomatic. That's a result of the suppressor attachment preventing its re-chambering mechanism, gunsmiths say.)

The FMDA 19.2's relatively simple tweak—the use of commercially produced metal rails instead of homemade ones—led the gun model to be considered the most practical and reliable 3D-printed Glock design available at the time it was released three years ago. “There had been earlier Glock-style pistols, but the interior rail components were not as refined,” says Mr. Snow Makes. “It’s kind of that perfect blend of 3D-printed frame and precision rails.”

Deterrence Dispensed, the group behind that FMDA 19.2 design, has since rebranded under the name “the Gatalog.” But the group’s original website still bears the libertarian gun rights slogans that summarize its ideology. “All individuals are entitled to the utility to defend their humanity,” the site reads. “Gun control has failed. You can’t stop the signal.”

A founder of Deterrence Dispensed who went by the named Jstark, later revealed to be a now-deceased German man named Jakob Duygu, was featured in a 2020 Popular Front documentary wearing a black balaclava and sunglasses. “We want people to have freedom of speech and the right to bear arms," he says in the film. “If that’s too politically extreme for you, fuck yourself.”

Just two months ago, one Bergen, New York, man who allegedly acted as an administrator for the Gatalog named Peter Celentano was arrested and charged with illegal ownership of two machine guns and numerous 3D-printed and other homemade handgun and AR-15 components.

Exactly why Mangione allegedly used a 3D-printed gun in the killing of UnitedHealthcare’s Thompson—whether as a political statement or in the belief that it would help him evade identification—remains far from clear. But as a coder and technologist, he may have been attracted to the idea. “This is the US. It’s not the easiest way to get your hands on a gun,” says another DIY gunsmith who spoke to WIRED but asked not to be named, in reference to 3D-printed firearms. “But he’s a techy guy, and he may have just owned a 3D printer. It wouldn’t be a bad way to make an untraceable gun.”

[royal-ruin]

red, white, and royal blue fic recs (part 2)

other rwrb fic recs here personal favorites are starred, by the way. everything is complete unless stated otherwise.

five times henry's competency turned alex on and the one time it turned him into a pile of romantic goo by helenblqckthorn (~4k)

Alex has a fucking thing for competency. A competency kink, if he wants to be crude. And it just so happens that his boyfriend is one of the most competent men in England. Well, Alex, he thinks. You sure know how to pick ‘em.

*ever so careful (heartbreak remix) by everwitch (~7k)

Did you know about me and Henry? Henry is a singer in the mega-popular boyband Honey. Alex is an award-winning actor. But before either of them made their claim to fame, they were something else entirely.

so heart-breakingly beautiful

*i see you (your whole heart) by indomitablelove (~7k)

‘I think he’s excellent,’ Arthur says, picking up a knife from the pot of jam to spread over his toast. ‘It’s refreshing to see someone be so unapologetically themselves. I think we need more of that.’ He glances at Henry. ‘I think that everybody should be able to be exactly who they are, without shame.’ Five times Arthur tried to tell Henry he knew (and one time Henry told him).

when i tell you this had me tearing up

*fleeting seconds (wish you would hold me for more) by zellymaybloom (~9k) incomplete

Henry and Alex have a tradition where they kiss on New Years. 5 times they do, 1 time they don't. Henry isn't sure how much it means. OR in a world where Rio doesn't spark a rivalry, but instead a friendship, Alex kisses Henry every year instead of Nora.

more of the boys being completely oblivious (mostly alex ofc)

(baby) don't make me spell it out by extasiswings for letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (~2k)

One night near the end of first semester 1L finals, just a few weeks before the two-year anniversary of their first kiss, Alex finds himself looking up from his desk with its messy piles of color-coded notes and tabbed textbooks to see Henry asleep on the couch, clearly having dozed off waiting for him to come to bed, and unbidden he thinks, God, I’m going to marry this man. It startles him, the spike of adrenaline that floods through him waking him up and bringing the parts of his brain turning over concepts like proximate cause and strict liability to a standstill as he stares at Henry.  I want to marry this man.

a must-read. i never get tired of alex's pining. (should clarify, they are dating here)

I'm Fine With My Spite and My Tears (and my beer and my candles) by Megg1223 (~8k)

Henry leaves Alex at the lake house, but Alex doesn't storm Kensington. What happens when they see each other after three months? With the election right around the corner can Alex keep it together enough not to cause another international incident? Alex just needs to get through the night and then he can forget about the boy who broke his heart, but he's finding it increasingly difficult as the night goes on.

tagged with a happy ending, but it is angsty :(

**God Save the Blessed American President Mom by zipadeea (~31k)

["June stopped by at lunch; she showed me a delightful channel called Hallmark, which repeats the same story every hour after they swap one round of white, straight, small-town conventionally beautiful actors for another. It was entertaining.”  “June and I used to play a drinking game with those. Take a shot every time someone goes ice skating, sledding, or leaves the big city for their tiny hometown.”  “Good lord, you must’ve been sloshed in the first ten minutes.”] --- On December 4, 2021, an attempt is made on President Ellen Claremont's life.  Alex gets shot instead.

if you haven't read this, you definitely have to now. be warned it is very angsty though.

[thelensofyashunews]

GRAMMY NOMINATED RAPPER LATTO AKA “BIG MAMA” RELEASES HER THIRD STUDIO ALBUM, SUGAR HONEY ICED TEA

Today, ATL-based Grammy nominated rapper Latto aka Big Mamareleases her highly anticipated third studio album Sugar Honey Iced Tea via RCA Records.

The album is centered around Latto’s Georgia Southern roots and displays her signature raw, witty lyricism over magnetic beats. The 21-track album features A-List Southern artists including Megan Thee Stallion, Ciara, Coco Jones, Young Nudy, Flo Milli, Teezo Touchdown and more.

This album release follows Latto’s major Billboard July cover print issueand the release of the singles “Big Mama,” “Sunday Service,” “Put It On Da Floor” and latter two track’s respective remixes.

The 2023 BET “Best Female Hip-Hip Artist” award winner has brought everyone to her ATL church this summer starting with the original version of the single “Sunday Service” which garnered viral buzz when Latto teased a snippet of the song on her IG a few months prior, giving fans her signature witty bars over a catchy beat. Directed by Hidji World and Latto herself, the video features Latto in various settings including the Bronx with “twenty black suburbans we pull up like Sunday Service” – click here to watch. 

In June, Latto released the remix to her single “Sunday Service” featuring Megan Thee Stallion & Flo Milli and her next single, “Big Mama.” The latter track was dropped right before her two performances at the 2024 BET Awards – one for a medley of “S/O To Me,” “Big Mama” & “Sunday Service” and the other for Usher’s tribute. She garnered two nominations at the award show this year, “Best Female Hip-Hop Artist” and “Best Collaboration.” Latto also headlined ATL’s Hot 107.9 Birthday Bash that same month and made history as the first-ever female headliner. Big Mama showed up and showed out giving a stellar performance to her fans and surprising them with major special guests including Usher, Flo Milli, Mariah The Scientist and more. Most recently, Latto has been nominated for two 2024 MTV VMA awards –  “Best Collaboration” and “Best K-Pop” for “Seven” with Jung Kook.

In addition to music, Latto wrapped up taping Season 2 of Netflix’s Rhythm & Flow as a judge alongside DJ Khaled and Ludacris, which is coming out this year.

With over 1 billion streams worldwide across all platforms and accolades continuing to rack up from her success, Latto has the stage to become a global superstar. Since the release of her hit RIAA-certified and Music Canada certified 3x Platinum single “Big Energy” in 2021 Latto has been inescapable.

She went on to make history with the single as the first female rapper to ever have a #1 record at Pop, Rhythm and Urban Radio with the same single. Overall, she’s also the first female artist in 12 years to accomplish this feat, joining the company of Rihanna (“Rude Boy”), Alicia Keys (“No One”), Beyonce (“Irreplaceable”),  Mary J. Blige (“Be Without You”) and Mariah Carey (“We Belong Together”), the last five to previously achieve this. Since then, she has won various awards including: “Best New Artist” at the 2022 BET Awards, “Best New Artist”at the 2022 People’s Choice Awards, Variety Hitmakers “Breakthrough Artist” Honoree, 2023 Billboard’s Women in Music “Powerhouse Award,”“Song of the Summer” for “Seven” with Jung Kook at the 2023 MTV VMA Awards, and “Best Female Hip-Hop Artist” at the 2023 BET Awards.

In addition to all the awards Latto has racked up over the past few years, she was also nominated at the 2023 Grammy Awards for “Best New Artist” and “Best Melodic Rap Performance” (for “Big Energy (Live)”) and has graced multiple print covers in 2023 alone such as Cosmopolitan, Rolling Stone “Musicians on Musicians” Issue with Snoop Dogg, XXL Magazine – which included a video component for XXL’s first-ever all female cypher curated bby Latto (that trended on Youtube and went viral) – and a digital cover for Forbes ’30 Under 30’ as the call out for the Musicians section. 

In the summer of 2023 Latto had her firstinternational festival run in Europe that included Wireless Festival (London), Roskilde Festival (Denmark), Rolling Loud Germany, and more. She’s also attended various fashion weeks over the years in New York, Milan, and Paris where shewent shows for Robert Cavalli, Etro, Blumarine, Diesel, Tommy Hilfiger, Rabanne, GCDS and more. With the release of her third studio album, this next chapter of Latto’s career will spolight her new music, have creative vibrant visuals and give more big energy from The Biggest.

[lakecountylibrary]

It's my favorite time of year! Time to make my annual blog post about the best queer books I read in the last 12 months!

I've been doing this since 2017 so here, go back and see some trends: 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021, 2022

Now, you may look at the covers of this year's batch and think... Four out of five of those are... kind of intense looking. Are you okay. And the answer is no, but are any of us? These books will help! Probably!

The Traitor Baru Cormorant by Seth Dickinson (lesbian, gay, bisexual, poly characters)

Ok so this book comes with like. All of the trigger warnings. Government sanctioned homophobia, racism, eugenics, graphic depictions of violence... read this one when you're feeling strong. It's a fantasy novel about characters who fight against those things in a world colonized by a profit-driven (and often, too familiar) empire. Brilliantly written, but steel your heart.

Twelve Percent Dread by @emilyscartoons (nonbinary characters)

Let's lighten up a bit, shall we? This one's a graphic novel that, as promised on the back cover, is fast paced and action-packed. Follow the adventures of Katie and Nas as they navigate jobs, adulthood, and the whims of one eccentric tech CEO who's going to change the world, one way or another.

The World We Make by @nkjemisin (ace, gay, lesbian, trans characters)

This one's a sequel, so sorry (not sorry) you're going to have to read The City We Became first. You'll love it, and you'll love this sequel. It's about New York manifested in human avatars, and it's about home and the power of being where you belong. The characters deal with some very real, familiar problems - and then they STOMP ON THEM WITH AWESOME GIANT CITY POWERS. Very satisfying read, highly recommend.

Nona the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir (wlw characters & general gender shenanigans)

This one's the third in the series, also not sorry about this one, start with Gideon the Ninth. It's sci fi! It's necromancy! God is there and he's depressed. It's really hard to describe.

A Spindle Splintered by Alix E. Harrow (bisexual, lesbian characters)

A novella for when you are short on time or attention span and want a Sleeping Beauty remix told by an author who knows her folklore. Definitely have the second novella in the series, A Mirror Mended, on hand for when you finish - you'll want more.

See more of Robin's recs

[liminal-zone]

fanfic round up 2023

(2021, 2022)

LIST OF FANWORKS

Posted

Crave (LOTR | haladriel | tentacles and rings of power | rated E)

somewhere in the haze (LOTR | Celeborn/Sauron | mutual stockholm syndrome | rated M)

taking me with your song (The Little Mermaid (2023) | Ariel/Eric, Ariel/Ursula | tentacles and possession and mindfuckery | rated E)

can't escape the ghost of you (The 100 | clexa, clarke/the judge | being fucked by the divine wearing the face of your dead lover is better than therapy | rated M)

Eating fire (SPN | Claire Novak | the girl who was castiel grieves for her fathers | rated T)

Bound (SPN | megstiel | a demon and her angel | rated NR)

uncharted territory (Supergirl | supercorp | the dangers of being hated by a luthor | rated M) (technically, just chapter 4 counts for 2023)

nothing can go wrong when you're in love (Nimona (2023) | Nimona/Gloreth | when your boss’ boyfriend looks like your ex, ugh! | rated Gen)

through a father’s eyes (Narnia | King Lune | dads gotta dad | rated Gen)

atomic blonde (Narnia, LOTR | Susan/Eowyn | it’s not the first time a power beyond understanding ripped Susan away from her home to fight in another world’s war | rated M)

Beware how you give your heart (LOTR | haladriel | a fourth age haunting | rated M) (a wip!!)

a little touch in the night (LOTR | haladriel | a love letter in tiny bites | rated T)

+three yuletide offerings to be revealed in January!

WIPS

MCU: the king and queen of Asgard wrt Valkyrie/Carol Danvers

MCU: the final conclusion of my winterbaron sugar daddy fic

LOTR: Doriath trash party wrt Melian/Galadriel

LOTR: “Sauron becomes a tree”

LOTR: dark Galadriel/Samwise and their garden of the world

LOTR: healing generational trauma with fourth age Arwen and her peepaw

The Matrix: Trinity and Smith as mirrors

Good Omens: Crowley haunted by his angel

Star Wars: A really scandalous dinluke sex pollen

Total number of completed works/fandoms written in: fifteen completed works in 2023 for a total of just over 32k words; six LOTR, two SPN, two Narnia, the rest sundry & various.

OVERALL THOUGHTS: ::taps the top of this car:: you can put so much monsterfucking in this bad boy, jfc.

PERSONAL FAVORITE: Getting unblocked by the most unlikeliest of sources and FINISHING MY SUPERCORP HATESEX. uncharted territory finished FIVE YEARS LATER. This has been a weight on my shoulders for years; I always knew it ended with a sadistic Lex Luthor torturing Kara (oop), but it was time passing and The Flash (2023) that got me where I needed to be to get that banged out. I’m really really pleased how that ended, and that I actually can finish a WIP.

MOST UNDERAPPRECIATED: Bound is really exceptional. It was part of my WIP amnesty week, and a revisitation and remix of a meg masters fic I wrote in 2013 after I had a terrible life-altering accident. My favorite 2023 additions are how she can only speak in the language of Sodom at the end. It’s not a GREAT fic, but I really love Meg and I love Meg & Castiel.

MOST POPULAR: Definitely Nimona (nothing can go wrong when you're in love) with 1,200+ kudos. Y’all, the teen/gen fic in younger fandoms hits hard. OOPS. re: my deeply funny stats for the little mermaid tentacles fic with over 3k hits and 86 kudos. AHAHHAHAH. welp.

STORY WITH THE SEXIEST MOMENT: OKAY, so this is sexy specific to me: in Crave, Galadriel taunts Sauron about how he has to fuck Ar-Pharazôn (a mini love letter to my beloved 5ummit!) and this, to me, is everything: “And you’ll never enjoy Ar-Pharazôn’s little prick again,” she says, drinking in the horror of his recent memories, a soured scheme. “Your play at feigned pleasure in service to a base creature will be ash in your mouth now. You will only think of the taste of my cunt with his cock shoved in your whore mouth.” The crass words burn on her lips but she can sense how he trembles, even in this form. “You’ll hunger for the taste of me. And when he’s dead, when you’ve sucked the miserable mortal life out of him, you’ll never take a lover again for the rest of your unnatural life,” she says. “You know where your dick should be sheathed. In me and no where else.”

MOST FUN STORY TO WRITE: Okay, I traveled for work a LOT this year and one night I was feeling down and angry about the world and asked on twitter that for every like, I’d write a soft haladriel headcanon and by the end of the night, i had the bulk of a little touch in the night and I was such a happy delighted lil soul. Such a highlight of the year.

HARDEST: A tie between Crave, which was writing on hard mode since I’m violently anti dominant Sauron (oop), and uncharted territory since I had been blocked for years.

BIGGEST SURPRISE: The delicious lush connection of Celeborn/Sauron in somewhere in the haze that STARTED AS A JOKE and now I’m full rarepair conspiracy theory into it.

DID YOU TAKE ANY RISKS IN WRITING THIS YEAR? Posting SPN in 2023, lol what was that. And neither of them explicitly destiel. Girl. Both tanked but I love those two fics.

MOST UNINTENTIONALLY TELLING STORY: Okay, one of my yuletides this year is really too close to something I’m working through in therapy. Oop.

FAVORITE LINES/SCENES: Okay literally everything in atomic blonde, that fic is nonstop bangers imho. I love this especially:

“Ah, there it is,” he replies. Stops, and turns to look into her eyes. To drink in her fury. “This isn’t your world, Daughter of Eve. Take your cursed horn and your beautiful face and take the little shieldmaiden too for all I care and leave Middle Earth to me. Grow old and find joy in women’s work.” He blinks, nonsense words emerging out of him: “In Christian Dior dresses and Chanel lipstick, in Italian leather handbags and silk nylons, in handsome British officers and those American boys who offer more than kisses, in the rumble of a Jaguar and the cries of healthy babies who do not fear war. Live and die on an island far, far away.” He blinks again. “I do not want you here.”

MY FAVE PART OF FANDOM IN 2023: Repeatedly saying “you hear me, baby? hold together” at the haladriel fandom like Han Solo does to the Millennium Falcon and we did! We made it another year!!! Let’s go, 2024!!!! (YOU HEAR ME, BABY. HOLD TOGETHER.)

2024 WRITING AMBITIONS: same as last year’s: Write more steadily and consistently. Get back into the drabble mode. Make time, take time, just do it. It doesn’t have to be groundbreaking, it just has to be creating something. The joy of creation is like nothing else. Chase that high.

2024 FICS ON THE IMMEDIATE HORIZON: Jan 1 - htp trash fic exchange Feb 3 - rffa exchange March - haladriel exchange!

[scibot9000]

top discovered albums this year. as in, top albums from not-2024 but that I found in 2024. i dont have spotify so i gotta do this manually.

rankings approximate. links and thoughts under the cut

BT - The Secret Language of Trees (2023)

"This Binary Universe" is not only an amazing album but one that left a deep impact on me. many years later, BT has given us a spiritual sequel of sorts. it doesn't hit me quite as hard as the original but still holds a special place in my heart.

much love for the clicks in "Time Moves So Fast"

---

Diverse System - JAPAN 2 (2023)

this is here mostly for the huge slappers of "灯火" and "Amatsu". but more broadly, there's something really delightful of hearing a japanese take on the fusion of japanese music and modern wobs and cuts.

----

Geeez 'n Gosh - Nobody Knows (2002)

how do i say this... what in tarnation. i am pretty sure this is a joke at the expense of todd edwards, but i can't find anything to back that up. and more importantly, the result is a really really cool glitchy y2k-ass clicky bleep affair. rastermusic? it's a style that gets to me and i think the odd theme just embedded this deeper in my head.

actually listen to "It's no secret (what god can do)" tho. good stuff, right?

---

Nobukazu Takemura - Child's View Remix (1995)

you might know this as "the source of Let My Fish Loose (Aphex Twin Mix)" but it has more than that. it's a goldmine timecapsule of the era. it's got that early ninjatune sound. chill breaks, chill jungle, electric but homely. iyky.

it's nostalgic to me but in a like... retro toonami way? perhaps?

---

Aleksi Perälä - Starlight 1 (2018)

man. Aleksi Perälä. what a weird guy, right? I think it's all meditation music. it feels.... fungible. taco bell variations. but sometimes a variation will hit, so I dig through his albums. the Starlight series seems pretty strong imo! I went with Starlight 1 as the highlight here because "UK74R1823020" shows you the more chill side and then "UK74R1823090" delivers a taste of something harder. but not too hard. (Starlight 2 goes harder so i do recommend that too)

listener beware though! this discography is as mixed of a bag as you can get.

---

Joe Hisaishi - Asian X.T.C. (2006)

what original works has mr ghibli composer done? here's one. it's beautiful as you might expect, but it leans a bit towards... i think the liner said "pop"? idk about that. the title track is alright but "Dawn of Asia" is THE standout here!

it's kind of a softer take on "asian music mixed with other influences", a funny contrast with Japan 2 from above.

---

Five Star Hotel - spiral ctrl. (2021)

a short but intense little journey. this was a late discovery but i can't listen to it without going at least a little wild! listen to the nonharmonic sounds in the opening alone!! haze with knives.

---

pilotredsun - Achievement (2016)

yeah, took me long enough. it's 8 years old now but it feels like its 24 years old. this is an early 00s electronic bedroom musician sound that you just don't see very often anymore. I'm going to quote my initial reaction: pristine. an album misplaced in time. does it deserve the top spot on this year's wrapped? iduno... but it stands out to me somehow.

[igazikutya]

Zajok a nappaliból - 2024 Top 12 album és kislemez megjelenései

Megkezdődnek a szokásos éves zárások, összegzések. Először 2024 legjobb LP illetve Single/EP megjelenései a 12 havi „Zajok a nappaliból” alapján. Érdekesség, hogy két kazetta is felkerült a dobogóra, természetesen az albumok között. A zsűrinek nehéz dolga volt... hát nem, zsűri se volt, a korábbi szelekciók számadatai döntöttek utólag, viszont az elmondható, hogy nagyon szoros és erős volt a mezőny mindkét kategóriában, és mondjuk a 10. és 20. között egyáltalán nincs akkora távolság, mint a sorszám azt sugallja. Nem kis bravúr, hogy Phase Fatale két EP-je is Top12-es! Ami részemről nagyon vicces, hogy a két lista tetején a következő fontos üzenetet dobta a gép: The Tumbling Psychic Joy of Now – Tomorrow Doesn't Exist

Top 12 LP – 2024

1. Holy Tongue Meets Shackleton - The Tumbling Psychic Joy of Now [AD 93][LP] 2. Boundary - Oxido En El Espejo [Exotic Robotics][MC] 3. Microcorps - Macrocorpse - 2021-2024 [The Tapeworm][MC-Comp]

4. Scotch Rolex, Shackleton & Omutaba - The Three Hands of Doom [Nyege Nyege Tapes][LP] 5. E-Saggila - Gamma Tag [Northern Electronics][LP] 6. Legowelt - Like a Song From Your Dream [L.I.E.S.][LP]

7. Chateau Flight - La Folie Studio [Versatile][LP] 8. Rrose & Polygonia - Dermatology [Eaux][LP] 9. Fake Youth Cult - White Light / Black Noise [Shipwrec][LP]

10. Open Yellow Circle - New Meridian [Optimo Music][LP] 11. Years Of Denial - Suicide Disco Vol.2 Remixes [VEYL][Rmx-LP] 12. EROS - Your Truth Is A Lie [Downwards][LP]

12. British Murder Boys - Active Agents and House Boys [Downwards][LP] 13. NVST - Silence Itself Is Noise [Seilscheibenpfeiler][LP] 14. The Future Sound Of London - Presents Pulse Five [De_tuned][LP] 15. Big Yawn - NGBE [Research][LP] 16. Or:La - Trusting Theta [fabric Originals][LP] 17. Nic Arizona - Shavua Tov Remixed [Malka Tuti][Rmx-LP] 18. Rainsoft - Nature Resonance [Oslated][LP] 19. Paranoid London - Arseholes, Liars, and Electronic Pioneers [Paranoid London][LP] 20. Contours - Elevations [Music From Memory][LP] 21. JK Flesh - Echo Chamber Music 01 [Avalanche][LP] 22. Tolouse Low Trax - Kiosque Versions [Bureau B][LP] 23. Monolake - Studio [Monolake - Imbalance Computer Music][LP] 24. CRC x VC-118A - Flow Zone [Touched Music][LP]

Top 12 EP/Single – 2024

1. Reeko - Tomorrow Doesn't Exist [Samurai Music][EP] 2. Phase Fatale - Altars [Bite][EP] 3. Neel - Movimento [Spazio Disponibile][EP]

4. Detroit's Filthiest - Proceed with Caution [Syncrophone][EP] 5. Lawrence - Epiphany Remixes [Giegling][EP] 6. Black Dot - Love at Glance [Italo Moderni][EP]

7. Phase Fatale - Love Is Destructive [BITE][EP] 8. Vril & HVL - Far Field [Delsin][EP] 9. Sepehr - Genesis Domain [Dekmantel][EP]

10. Ivy Lab - Mild Snake [Sneaker Social Club][EP] 11. Lewis Spybey - LEWISPYBEY [Up][EP] 12. Timothy J. Fairplay - Convictions That Stick [Pinkman][EP]

13. Committee - The Conquest [Trule][S] 14. Akob / Atomic Moog - Destinations [Indefinite Pitch][S] 15. Tagliabue - Abisso [Subject To Restrictions Discs][S] 16. Orlando Voorn - No Cellphones [Kompakt][EP] 17. Al Wootton - River Songs [Trule][EP] 18. Red Axes - Up [Shall Not Fade][EP] 19. Azu Tiwaline - The Fifth Dream (Remixes)[I.O.T.][EP] 20. Re:Ni - BeautySick [Timedance][EP] 21. Mantra - Schemes & Dreams [System Music][S] 22. Andrei Rusu - I've Lost Control [Malka Tuti][EP] 23. Furious Frank - Raving Lunatic [Kalahari Oyster Cult][EP] 24. Developer - Rhythms Translated in Volstron [Modularz][EP]

[thesinglesjukebox]

PORTER ROBINSON - "CHEERLEADER"

April Fool's Day is over, now time for some SINCERITY...

[5.92]

Taylor Alatorre: This song sounds embarrassing. It sounds excessive. It sounds like something you might regret putting into the world five seconds after hitting "publish." It sounds, in other words, like high school. Porter Robinson's post-brostep career has been an extended treatise on escapism -- from the appealingly plaintive paracosms of 2014's Worlds to the soothing self-inventory of 2021's Nurture, with his Virtual Self side project managing to be both esoteric and stupidly self-explanatory. He's crafted a series of immersive alternatives to analog messiness, allowing the listener to check out of the everyday and place themselves for a moment in a softer-edged realm, with more explicable rules and a more poetic set of problems. "Cheerleader," though, offers the listener no assistance in either sidestepping or reconfiguring the uncomfortable reality into which they were born; music video aside, it's not really a song about fanbases gone wild either. Instead it's about the girl in your school's Anime Club who gave out her deviantART username before her phone number and taught you against your will what the word yaoi meant. The fujoshi representation, besides filling a glaring gap in the TSJ search index, makes it clear that this is about a real person and not an avatar, and it's that awkward flesh-and-blood realness which is precisely at issue here. Maybe she's as real as him, and maybe he couldn't live with that. The perspective of a boy who is unused to being the object of obsession is an under-explored one in music, probably because it's very hard to land it within the narrow range of acceptable loserdom. But Porter sticks the landing by enveloping us fully within the loser's headspace, where both his emo-inflected chagrin and his fragmented memories of the girl's "cheering" are enshrouded by a waterfall of blown-out Obama-era detritus. If you ever wondered what a big room house remix of Two Door Cinema Club might've sounded like, or Oracular Spectacular if it had debuted on Beatport, here's your answer. Other seemingly out-of-place additions -- the bitpop cowbell, the Punk Goes Acoustic bridge, the hilariously overwrought drumroll that becomes less so the second time around -- fit right into this 1080p capture of late adolescent bag-fumbling. Taken together, they convey a mismatch in interests and hobbies that may have seemed like a deal breaker at the time, but in hindsight was just another excuse to avoid vulnerability. Perhaps I only arrived at this gonzo interpretation because the 4chan-core single artwork serves as a kind of shibboleth for these things. If that's the case, then I plead guilty: I ate the apple. [10]

Oliver Maier: "We have Anamanaguchi at home." [6]

Hannah Jocelyn: I loved Porter Robinson's Nurture for its unapologetic sincerity, a balm when emerging back into the world post-lockdown. I miss that early hopefulness as the years have gone on; even now, it's hard for me to hear "Unfold" without being close to tears. "Cheerleader" is a frustrating detour, with inane lyrics about yandere fujoshis fetishizing Robinson -- you know you're doing nothing new when the Nostalgia Critic beat you to it, and Robinson hardly sells the can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em message better. Nurture, for better or worse, incorporated the pitch-shifting vocals of hyperpop into EDM (to the point where a trans woman musician I know grew frustrated with Nurture's acclaim for doing what acts like Katie Dey had done for years, regardless of how Robinson himself identifies.) That's worth acknowledging, especially as this attempts to go right to the source: 3OH!3 and Metro Station come to mind. Except there’s none of the polish that makes those songs work despite themselves -- What's with that tinny hi-hat? Where's the low end on the guitar? Listen to "Shake It"; that song from 2007 sounds better than this one from 2024. It's not enough to replicate the aesthetics; for some ungodly reason, Robinson decided it must sound like it's coming from a Hot Topic speaker too. [4]

Claire Biddles: We have "Shake It" by Metro Station at home. [4]

Tim de Reuse: I admire the chutzpah to take a stylistic hairpin turn like this. And I appreciate the ability to do that while retaining the crystal-clear boom-bap production chops that made you a breakout sensation in the first place. And I appreciate how it makes its power-pop references clear without sticking to them too desperately. And I appreciate the sheer craft; birds fly, rocks sink, Porter Robinson writes synth hooks that wrap around your mind and squeeze tight. And I appreciate the line about getting drawn kissing other guys. But there's a clean and edgeless quality here, a sterile expression of his EDM roots, that directly contradicts his attempts at a heartbreaking singalong. Nowhere does his voice crack with raw emotion; nowhere does it seem even possible that his voice might crack with raw emotion. [5]

Kayla Beardslee: Porter Robinson’s doing anime OSTs now? Good for him. [7]

Leah Isobel: I see this fitting into a whole universe of PS1/Nintendo DS aesthetic indie games, YouTube video essays about old anime, trans girls with Neocities websites, indie pop sung by vocaloids. I could call it hyperpop -- not in the sense of overdriven chaos, but in the sense of the hyperlink. (HTML revival would be more accurate.) As such, it feels a little too precise, its scruffiness deployed too purposefully; I feel like this stuff works best when the self is obscured, and Porter is too big of a star to let that happen. But that also means the chorus is fucking massive, so I can't complain too much. [7]

Nortey Dowuona: The soft, limply placed drums in the song for once are not the sabotaging element in this song. The lithe, acoustic guitar bridge is even nicely played. The guitar riff, doubled by the synth, is the true arrow to the heart of this song. Porter is processed to hell and back, refusing to give over his composition to a more present, entertaining vocalist, but that riff is so grating and stiff that when it first arrives, sliding up as the culmination of the slowly hopping pre-chorus, it stops the song from progressing any further, simply pushing Porter into the background and leaving his Melodyned voice slack below it, struggling to be heard. Now, does this stop me from screaming that chorus in my head? Of course not. It's not fair I have to keep hearing this grating riff every time, though. [6]

Ian Mathers: God, I love that recurring, overdriven synth sound that kicks in on the chorus. If anything I wish it was more all-enveloping when it hits (yes, like shoegaze, yes, I'm predicable). There's lots of other interesting things going on here, but I can't quite get over that visceral rush enough to figure out my response to it all. Hit the whoosh button again, Porter! [8]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Not nearly dumb enough for me to enjoy its shtick. [3]

Isabel Cole: This sounds like a One Direction album track in a universe where after they got kicked off The X Factor, Simon Cowell realized he could save so much money by replacing everyone but Liam with robots, only when they got into the studio there was some kind of malfunction and Zayn-bot started screeching uncontrollably and Niall-bot fell on his side crackling horribly with static while Harry-bot and Louis-bot took turns punching each other until they were dented beyond recognition, and that's why it sounds like how it sounds. (Liam didn't notice anything amiss, obviously; have you met him?) [4]

Will Adams: At the heart of Nurture was its... well, heart. On that record, Porter Robinson wore his on his sleeve, crooning lines like "I'll be alive next year / I can make something good" without a hint of irony. On "Cheerleader," he surprisingly lets a bit of cynicism slip in. It's not a leap to see how producing such earnest, sincere art would naturally invite fans to form parasocial relationships, to draw fan art but not know where to "draw the line," to develop a near-fatalistic expectation of commitment. But between each of those details is a generous counterpoint, where Porter wonders if he benefits just as much from these feelings. It creates a fascinating tension, expressed best by the chorus: "IT'S NOT FAAAAIIIRRRRRR!", stretched over a fizzy, tightly-wound power-pop arrangement complete with a skyscraping synth line. Porter just can't help himself. We've all got feelings; why not scream them to the rafters? [8]

Katherine St. Asaph: Porter Robinson's brand of earnestness makes my heart feel burnt or dead. [5]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[deadcactuswalking]

Every UK Christmas #1 Ranked & Reviewed

The Official Charts Company – my second favourite national institution behind being miserable – claims that the biggest annual chart race for Christmas number-one started in 1952, and that’s a bit of a retcon. Sure, that’s when what is largely recognised as the predecessor to the modern chart started publishing but realistically, there wasn’t an actual Christmas song on top that week until 1955, and there only became a coherent and fully realised, modernised idea of what the chart is and means years later… kind of, you could argue it will never reach that, but pedanticism be damned, it really started in the 70s. This was when glam rock bands started releasing Christmas singles. Why glam rock bands, you ask? I’d say it’s the most glam rock thing to do, releasing a flashy novelty Christmas single and running up the charts every year, and really, when it comes to iconic Christmas songs in the UK specifically, most of our homegrown ones come from this decade onwards. So does that mean I’m ignoring those pre-Slade? No, I just like proving OCC wrong. The sales on Christmas Day rarely count for the #1 anyway, it’s all fake, nothing’s real, and no one cares. I’m cactus, I write REVIEWING THE CHARTS, a show about the UK Singles Chart, every week, and this is a special episode about the holliest hits, the jolliest jingles, the merriest melodies, and really, the only time people outside of BTS stans care about the charts or still buy singles. This is:

Every UK Christmas #1 Ranked from Worst to Best

content warning: language, UK politics, discussion of sex, death, drugs and tragedy (merry Christmas)

Now, ground rules: I’m basing my list off of OCC’s official list which is copied on Wikipedia and Spotify if you don’t want to use their… questionable site. Secondly, I’m not going to do a full grand review of every song, there’s 72 of the bastards, so this’ll more like a brief rundown of my opinions and what the hit represents – some of these I’ll have nothing to say about, some of these are fantastic pieces of music, and whilst the worst should be obvious, some of where the better songs land could be a bit of a surprise. There’s a whole compost heap of novelty garbage though so prepare for that, and yes, I am fully aware that this will be outdated within weeks, but that’s part of the fun in just how fast the chart moves and okay, I’m coping that all this work is going to be overshadowed by some AI clone of Michael Bublé making a Christmas remix of KSI’s “Thick of It” in a fortnight. Regardless, without further ado, what’s my least favourite Christmas #1 of all time?

…It’s LadBaby. Why wouldn’t it be? I mean, come on.

#72 – “Food Aid” – LadBaby (2022)

#71 – “Sausage Rolls for Everyone” – LadBaby, Ed Sheeran and Elton John (2021)

#70 – “Don’t Stop Me Eatin’” – LadBaby (2020)

#69 – “I Love Sausage Rolls” – LadBaby (2019)

#68 – “We Built This City” – LadBaby (2018)

Okay, I may be a bit biased. After all, I have been writing this blog since 2018 and I’ve had one year – just the one that passed – where LadBaby doesn’t plague the Christmas chart with a one-week wonder, novelty charity song about sausage rolls. He’s dead-set on doing it, and whilst it’s all ostensibly to fight poverty, I’m not convinced it’s actually doing much to help – after all, the government needs to be involved in that and I’m not sure this Nottingham YouTuber duo of Mark and Roxanne Hoyle really have it in them to make a protest song considering how they’ve been dodging The Kunts for all these years… and you know, the time they got the Christmas #1 with a parody of “Do They Know it’s Christmas?”, one of the most insufferable and tone-deaf attempts at charity to ever have hit the charts. LadBaby had a five-year consecutive run at the charts, I’ve reviewed every single one of these on the weekly series, and with every passing year, the songs they derived from got worse, the sausage roll parodies became more of a stretch, the charity felt a whole lot less sincere, and worst of all, they became more insensitive. “Food Aid” and “Sausage Rolls for Everyone” are impressive feats – having a charity single lack that much human compassion is something only Band Aid had done before. And speaking of:

#67 – “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” – Band Aid 20 (2004)

#66 – “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” – Band Aid II (1989)

#65 – “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” – Band Aid (1984)

These are probably worse in every way compared to LadBaby, but listen, I have a personal vendetta to fulfil. This disgusting, neo-colonial pity jam has had three renditions hit #1 – thank God its failure of a 2010s reboot hit #1 a different week – and they’re also in reverse chronological order, largely because the attempts at modernizing what are gross reminders of the past get even more desperate and embarrassing, like the rap verse in the 2004 version. Also, I kind of like the synthpop chimes in the original (the best-selling single of all time bar “Candle in the Wind 1997” [#1, obviously] has to have some appeal) but regardless, this really deserves to be the selection of songs we have at the bottom… and the wonderful thing is, I don’t really have to elaborate further! I’ve written about all of the LadBaby songs at length from 2018 onwards during the Christmas episodes, and in 2022, I had the opportunity to knock out why I hate Band Aid so much too. If you’re really craving a takedown of LadBaby and Band Aid, feel free to read that episode, I’m proud of it. It gets Biblical. But for today, just know that “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” is one of my least favourite songs of all time – maybe I’ll write about the absolute worst one day – and LadBaby… well, maybe in a few years’ time, I’ll have warmed on the guy, he is just a “humble” fellow and his wife making sausage roll songs. The wounds are just too recent for me not to put him at the absolute bottom of the list… and hey, Bob Geldof, if you’re reading, which I know you’re not: Tonight, thank God it’s them, instead of you.

Since I don’t really want to validate these as songs, I will give their respective #2s for that year as an arguably healthier alternative. In 1984, #2 was a song that we’ll see later on, but in 1989, it was “Let’s Party” by Jive Bunny and the Mastermixers – that in itself is a fascinating deep dive into British novelty – and in 2004, it was Ronan Keating’s duet version of Yusuf Islam’s “Father and Son”, a song I love but not particularly that version. As for the streak of LadBaby #2s… check the backlog of this very blog. Now for a pedophile.

#64 – “Two Little Boys” – Rolf Harris (1969)

Don’t really think I have to explain this one. At least it’s not racist, I guess, but Jesus Christ. I mean, it’s truly inoffensive outside of context, even if a bit rote and boring; at least it’s mixed okay but it’s truly a novelty track in execution despite the fact that the song is real, predates Mr. Harris and is largely about war. It became popular during the 1900s and could be potent in its paralleling of childhood play to the battlefield… if maybe he didn’t spend five years in prison for fucking kids. Separate the art from the artist, sure, but we should have separated this guy from minors. Now for the lesser evil, Simon Cowell.

From 2005 to 2008 and then for a few non-consecutive years afterwards, Cowell’s The X Factor singing competition show had a stronghold on the Christmas #1 and whilst sappy ballads, bad covers and tired gimmicks had all hit the top of the Christmas tree before, there was something so disposable about these covers, mostly at a miserable pace and produced to be the most milquetoast pieces of music on any given chart week. They don’t vary wildly in quality, or even sonically, so once again, we have a bit of a one-fell-swoop situation. I can’t even get mad at the singers, they’re new, they were exploited by the show and just wanted a chance at fame, with most failing to really capture the country’s attention past their 15 minutes and that makes me genuinely sad for these guys, many of which were forgotten soon after they competed on the show. How many of the royalties they took home is also into question considering the skeevy Sycopath in charge of their careers, but I hope they made the most out of it by doing tons of coke and playing blackjack with hookers. This’ll be our last batch before I start giving the songs actually fair shakes, so let’s run through with a small opinion and once again, the Christmas #2 that year to give a healthy alternative:

#63 – “Mr Blobby” – Mr Blobby (1993)

No, not you yet, Blobbers, you’ll have your turn.

#63 – “Skyscraper” – Sam Bailey (2013)

I don’t even like the original, man. Pharrell Williams’ “Happy” was #2, so… yikes.

#62 – “Hallelujah” – Alexandra Burke (2008)

What may get lost in all the cover versions is that there’s something truly undeniable and powerful about Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” (#36, 2008). Speaking of the truly undeniable, this is oversung slop, and the late Jeff Buckley’s version hit #2 in protest.

#61 – “When We Collide” – Matt Cardle (2010)

I genuinely love the original version by Biffy Clyro, and he was pretty cool and understanding about how people will always prefer “Many of Horror” (#8, 2010) to his renamed, recycled rendition. One thing about a lot of these covers people neglect is how close some of them were to the original release, it felt like piggybacking and especially with this version, which to me, just saps the soul of the original. It’s competent but this is probably my favourite original song when it comes to these covers, so there’s an irrational distaste I have, even if sonically, I think I prefer it to other winners’ singles. Rihanna’s “What’s My Name?” featuring BBL Drizzy was #2.

#60 – “When You Believe” – Leon Jackson (2007)

This is a complete snore. There’s a lot to dig into when it comes to these singing competition shows, how the contestants were treated and how much of a media phenomenon they became, but consuming that sheer amount of 2000s cringe would kill me so leave it to some twink video essayist. Katie Melua’s virtual duet version of “What a Wonderful World” with Eva Cassidy, itself a strange novelty, was #2.

#59 – “A Moment Like This” – Leona Lewis (2006)

This is a cover of another singing competition-winning track from stateside, that being Kelly Clarkson on American Idol, and that’s just… really singing the quiet part out loud, isn’t it? Take That’s “Patience” was #2.

#58 – “Something I Need” – Ben Haenow (2014)

The mixing’s strange on this one, but I actually really like his voice and heard some good stuff from him back in 2015 so I bumped this one a bit higher. It also made use of the natural melodrama for a good stomp-clap rock tune so there’s some actual grit to this one… barely, but hey, it’s the little things. Mark Ronson’s “Uptown Funk!” featuring Bruno Mars was #2.

#57 – “That’s My Goal” – Shayne Ward (2005)

I’ll give this one props: it was the first winners’ single to hit #1 and it’s pretty easily the best. It’s still a soppy bore sung boringly, but it’s an original song – one he didn’t write, sure, but not a butchering of a better version, and it’s probably one of the least oversung and melodramatic. It’s catchy as all Hell and I’m even slightly nostalgic for it, so I’ll give it considerable praise for just being a step above the rest of its shoddy competition. Nizlopi’s “JCB Song”, a personal favourite of mine, was #2. Unfortunately, though these three plagues on the Christmas chart are the most prevalent, there’s still a series of saccharine charity bullshit from the 2010s that needs to be covered here, and it’s a bit tricky to discuss in general because there is, either hypothetically, in practice or both, a great outcome to the single’s releases, and there’s less publicised controversy than Band Aid and LadBaby, but they still don’t form particularly good musical experiences, in fact, most of them are still awful, and this three aren’t any different.

#56 – “Wherever You Are” – Military Wives featuring Gareth Malone (2011)

Choirmaster Gareth Malone, for his BBC television series, accumulated a choir of women who were wives and girlfriends of military personnel serving abroad, trained them to sing and release this single with both his name and the poppy plastered over it. Remembrance Day and the romanticisation of war by British institutions that enforces it has always given me an indescribable ick that no matter of choral vapidity will save, and the treatment of this single as simultaneously a serious and heartwarming contender for showing the UK’s appreciation of its soldiers sent to die in unnecessary wars, but also a novelty from a television show that had to be campaigned for to get a sole week at the top, really cements that – it may actually be the anecdote I use to express my issues with the commemoration from now on. Also, it does beg the question: Remembrance Day is in November, if you really cared about the cause, wouldn’t you make the timeline align at least?

#55 – “He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother” – The Justice Collective (2012)

This is neither nor the time nor place to discuss either this original song, its main conceit in the title and how powerful it truly is, its religious connections, its backstory regarding its co-writer dying during its creation and its rich history of covers, or the tragedy of the Hillsborough disaster, in which due to negligence, 94 football fans died at a 1989 match’s crowd crush. It is to this day a heavy and sensitive topic, particularly in Liverpool, and I am far from an expert on the details to this case or even the song, which I suppose should be my forte but it feels way out of my depth to comment that much further. I’d love to read an essay or any kind of deep-dive one day about why this song in particular relates to football fans and why it was chosen because whilst I can assume a lot of thematic links, I simply cannot be an authority on this subject, and I shouldn’t be taken as an authority on any of this but even with research, it is plunging me into history and culture I don’t think is fit for me to comment on. For a summary of this release, it is another terrible celebrity all-star cover, this particular disaster’s Band Aid, and it is of little value sonically when compared to the Hollies’ brilliant 1969 rendition (#3) with Sir Elton John on piano. I do, however, respect that this blossomed from genuine disappointment and rage towards a series of domestic UK travesties – the idea for it emerged from a concert against The Sun newspaper during the News International trial, again, that is a huge can of worms – as well as a shared brotherhood that in other renditions, has made for powerful music. It still reeks of self-serving achievement given the all-star cast and the novelty factor, but this is the constant dichotomy of these kind of charity records, one which I covered in-depth in the aforementioned LadBaby episode.

#54 – “A Bridge Over You” – The Lewisham and Greenwich NHS Choir (2015)

Another, more indirect product of Gareth Malone, this one’s difficult to find a reason to dislike on a more principled basis other than my dislike for how the music is overly sentimental, kind of lazy in its arrangement, and produced in a muddy, distracting way that at its best emphasises the choir over their backing and at worst forms them into an amorphous blob with guitars and particularly rough drums that don’t really mesh. The campaign seems more genuine, started by a junior doctor to raise money for the constantly-undermined National Health Service of this country, but then again, I fail to see how the UK buying this single guarantees government-provided benefits or rids the plague of privatisation, it – like all novelty charity records – serves in some way to deflect, even if this is less obviously so, hence why it’s the highest entry. The government supported it by lifting tax, but had little involvement in the song, and there are no big names here in what was initially released independently in 2013, but what may soil it is the involvement of an NHS communications manager Joe Blunden, which at least to me raises some genuine concerns about how he could better channel these issues and the depressing reality that this is probably the best way he could do so. Also, I like the organs and I suppose mashing up “A Bridge Over Troubled Water” by Simon & Garfunkel (#1, 1970) with Coldplay’s “Fix You” (#4, 2005) is smoother here than it is tacky, and I’m just glad we can finally move onto some genuinely fun and interesting songs and trends, that I don’t have to mumble and grumble through.

#53 – “Mr Blobby” – Mr Blobby (1993)

What charity did you raise funds for? Blobsted? Blobbyline? The Blobby Heart Foundation? Get out of here. Now, with that out of the way, here is what may be my first hot take of the list.

#53 – “Lonely this Christmas” – Mud (1974)

One major part of my rationale for this list will be my memories watching Christmas music videos on those UK music channels that barely exist anymore, but I imagine still get most of their traction and viewers – if any at all – at Christmas time, wherein they can act as a holiday playlist, though with five minutes of ads after three songs and a not particularly varied selection. At least a decade ago, the presentation of these channels was something worth mentioning, one I remember being Noddy Holder – who we’ll get to – presenting his favourite Christmas singles and the effort, whilst not immense, was something, definitely more than you’ll get on anything more algorithmic nowadays. The worst part, of course, of a Christmas music video compilation will be the slow, boring performance videos of ballads, and this particular one by glam rock band Mud has always rubbed me the wrong way. The tacky festive affects and meek spoken word section are the icing on a really gross cake, one that serves as a pastiche of Elvis Presley, basically a note-for-note impression and therefore a mockery of the art of just making a damn good Christmas song, which Elvis, for all the fair criticisms, had done and will appear in this list. This is a (seemingly) sincerely longing and borderline begging song for a lover to return for Christmas, and it does so little to enforce the parodic elements that it becomes a painful slog with no reason to hear it: it’s not funny, it’s not sincere and honestly, it’s not even well-performed. I might actually hate listening to it more than the X Factor stuff.

#52 – “Long Haired Lover from Liverpool” – Donny Osmond (1972)

No, I think I’ll decline on the offer of you being my long-haired lover from Liverpool, Jimmy. Firstly, you’re from California, secondly, you’re nine years old, thirdly, your hair isn’t even long. Jokes aside, I’ve always found this one mostly just inappropriate. Sonically, it’s chintzy but fine, I’m just bothered by Little Jimmy Osmond talking about being a puppet for his “sunshine daisy from LA” who makes all the other flowers cry from her beauty. Even without the fact that he’s a child, it seems like the roles are a bit reversed in the song and like a weird choice for him to sing, just opportunistically chosen to capitalise on how popular and “cute” the Osmonds were at this point in time.

#51 – “Mad World” (2003) – Michael Andrews featuring Gary Jules

The washed-up, sugarcoated, whitened cover of a good, more interesting song has always been a thing, but this feels like the most immediate precursor to its most recent manifestation: the stripped-back piano cover by a relative nobody of a recognisable song to advertise some kind of product. Anyone who has watched British television adverts probably has an idea of what I mean, and it’s got to be a thing at least elsewhere in the Anglosphere. Hell, Calum Scott’s “Dancing on My Own” (#2, 2016) is a great example, I’m sure that’s recent enough for people to remember. The deal with this one is that Andrews composed the music for the film Donnie Darko in 2001, and its cult success led to a DVD release and two years later, this cover of the Tears for Fears track from 1983 (#3) with vocals from Jules hit #1. It’s stripped back and minimal, but suffers largely from the unsubtle and cumbersome vocal performance – I have no idea if this gains some extra potency in the context of the film but as a standalone single, it exacerbates the flaws of the song’s writing by stripping some of its layers and other than the honest performance, does little to cover it or preferably, find value in another aspect of the song – Demi Lovato took a similarly stripped down approach in her 2021 rendition but the fuzzier cinematics of the second half are a great build-up and Lovato’s vocals impress me much more than Jules, so it’s not the “overly serious piano version” trend just being written off as inherently bad here. It’s just not my particular favourite version of the song, and I’m glad that we’ve finally gotten around to one where my only problem is that the actual audio recording itself is one I find mediocre. Speaking of…

#50 – “I Love You” – Cliff Richard and the Shadows (1960)

A lot of the much, much older songs, especially those pre-Beatles, were new to me but I could find charm in them, a delightful energy or at the very least, a sweet brevity. Cliff’s “I Love You” is a strikingly basic and boring composition that, at two minutes, feels extensively longer thanks to the draining void of non-personality that is our lead vocalist, a constant fixture of the charts for a few decades and who we will be seeing again.

#49 – “There’s No One Quite Like Grandma” – St Winifred’s School Choir (1980)

God, I hate children’s choirs. This has had practically no unironic staying power, but prevented the actually resonant and annually played “Stop the Cavalry” by Jona Lewie (#3, 1980-1) from hitting its peak, and then this school choir chiming about their old nan would be replaced by the then-recently shot dead John Lennon. Imagine there’s no grandma, it’s easy if you try.

#48 – “What Do You Want to Make Those Eyes at Me For?” – Emile Ford and the Checkmates (1959)

I feel a bit bad placing this so low because the late Emile Ford, a Saint Lucian singer, sounded like a fine enough guy who made some genuinely important steps in sound engineering, and it is impressive to have such a big hit with your debut track without much name recognition – I’m sure Ford didn’t mind that despite not having the lasting recognisability other singers from the 50s have, he could still be in the history books for technically bagging a “Christmas number one”, though before it really mattered. It is just the song itself, particularly its lyrics, are dated and uncomfortable with their approach to flirting with women, and this is likely because it comes from a 1916 Broadway play, so I assume it makes more sense within that. Regardless, it’s definitely more successful and known as a standalone hit by Emile Ford, and it’s not a particularly good one at that.

#47 – “Mistletoe and Wine” – Cliff Richard (1988)

This was the rare occasion of a Christmas #1 to be announced after the day itself, I’m pretty sure the only one but there’s no 100% way to check that. It was announced a day late on Boxing Day because Christmas Day fell on the Sunday, the day charts would be revealed in that time, and being late enough to respect tradition – despite a Christmas chart being fully acceptable Christmas programming to me – whilst also late enough to leap over the point of why anyone cares about what you’re releasing and promoting in the first place… feels pretty representative of anyone still listening to Sir Cliff Richard in 1988.

#46 – “Saviour’s Day” – Cliff Richard (1990)

Or 1990, for that matter. This one’s actually worse, I just wanted to get the joke off.

#45 – “Mary’s Boy Child / Oh My Lord” – Boney M. (1978)

Disco group Boney M. deliver a bit of a medley here, an original song tacked onto a song we will  see in like five minutes. There are very few explicitly religious songs on this list despite the theme of Christmas, and this is mostly for the best within the context of this list as a lot of religious content will fail to resonate with me, especially something this flatly commercialised. A disco nativity scene is a fun novelty idea for a satire, maybe, but played completely straight, it’s just overly blatant and I don’t find much fun in it. It’s important to note that the forward slash here references the fact that it is a mashup, not two separate songs, which is not the case for…

#44 – “Mull of Kintyre” / “Girls’ School” – Wings (1977)

…okay, Paul. I have very little to say about this snooze of a release so I should take the opportunity to explain double A-sides, which seem like quite an outdated concept now but were quite common when physical singles were the main form of consumption. We’ll see one of the first important double A-sides later on, also involving the Beatles coincidentally, but the technique has existed since at least 1949 and all that it means is there is no designated B-side. Rather, both tracks on the record could be potential hits, no one side should be prioritised over the other. There are four of these in our list of Christmas #1s, and I’ll be counting them all as one entry.

#43 – “Moon River” – Danny Williams (1961)

I’ve never really been a fan of “Moon River” as a song, possibly because I’ve never seen Breakfast at Tiffany’s. It’s a sweet song, but a slow one that would require a lot from its performer to ultimately sell me on, and during 1961, so many different versions of the Henry Mancini-written track (#44, 1962) were released at pretty much the same time, very few of them were going to shake up the popular arrangement, and hence, we’re left with Danny Williams who is… fine? The problem here is that the song fails to have that floaty immersion that comes with its nostalgia, and the recording feels weirdly heavy for what should be easy listening. Hell, if anything, that main choral vocal sounds haunting against the strings and Williams takes up so much of the mix, it’s really a rough two and a half minutes. Williams was sometimes called Britain’s answer to Johnny Mathis and we will see him very soon with his awkward cover track.

#42 – “Answer Me” – Frankie Laine (1953)

Much like “Moon River”, there was heavy competition on the charts in regards to what version of this particular song would chart the highest, with the two that really went head-to-head being Frankie Laine and David Whitfield, a real US versus UK competition for the chart-topper and ultimately, both went #1, though the song had to be modified for its religious lyrics because, hilariously, something this inoffensive and dull was banned by the BBC.

#41 – “Mr Blobby” – Mr Blobby (1993)

No, Mr Blobby, not the Big Blobby Corporation. Please leave, sir.

#41 – “Stay Another Day” – East 17 (1994)

This is an interesting one, and I think boy band East 17 are nearly synonymous now with this single rather than any of their other releases, which really shows you how the Christmas canon can create classics and crush catalogues. For a while, I have been somewhat captivated by this song, somehow? There is a resonance to the song’s content, one often misinterpreted as a breakup song but actually about member Tony Mortimer’s brother committing suicide. Definitely written to possess a double meaning, however, the delivery of it is sold so sincerely in spite of the rougher nasal textures of the lead vocal take that it adds that detail of personal imperfection and helplessness in preventing that death from happening. The problem is the schmaltz of the arrangement (at least until the climax) and how tedious the chorus can be turn it into as much of a bore as it could potentially demonstrate the excruciating experience of losing a loved one and having nothing to do about it but feel guilt for how you could have helped… which is all cheapened anyway by the sleigh bells added lucratively for the Christmas market. There is something to a predominantly drumless track with the constant, echoed “Stay now…” mantra but I don’t think I’m exactly there yet. Check back in five months, and I’ll have been able to separate it from years of it being a downer on the Christmas music channels, it might genuinely be in my top 10 by then because it’s this close to clicking. For now… it doesn’t reach me like it should.

#40 – “Mary’s Boy Child” – Harry Belafonte (1957)

A good performance from a legendary singer and man I really respect cannot make “Mary’s Boy Child” work for me, it’s still a remarkably dull song about Jesus. This does not take away from Belafonte’s appearance on The Muppet Show, which is kino.

#39 – “Let’s Have Another Party” – Winifred Atwell (1954)

Pianist Atwell performed this little ragtime medley of several tunes and became the first black artist to ever hit #1 on the UK Singles Chart. She’s the only female instrumentalist to have ever done so. There is probably something to be said about how her voice is silent here, and she performs through the piano, and what that could have meant in the 50s, but at the end of the day, it’s a tremendous feat for what is essentially a novelty medley, one that I don’t really get the appeal of today which should be expected. The version on streaming combines the first part on the A-side with the B-side, which is simply a second part, a continuance to the medley, so you could argue that this is a double A-side in nature too. The second half is a bit slower and easier to listen to, but both sides remind me of Cooking Mama for the Nintendo DS and the first struck me as some goofy Looney Tunes bullshit amidst all the easy listening at the start of the list. There is a really weird surf guitar line in the second part that I can only describe as a hilariously unnecessary noise.

#38 – “When a Child is Born (Soleado)” – Johnny Mathis (1976)

“Soleado” is a composition by Italian musician Ciro Dammicco, with American singer Johnny Mathis recording an English version that isn’t explicitly making reference to Christmas but is pretty blatantly about the birth of Christ. It’s mostly a sentimental ballad but it stands out particularly because of a confusing spoken-word piece in the bridge where he decides to question what race Jesus is and if we’ll really ever know: “Waiting for one child – black, white, yellow, no one knows”. I understand that this is probably an attempt at saying Jesus is all races or of ambiguous race so that he will heal suffering regardless of the believers’ ethnicity, but it is still ridiculous to apply 1970s attitudes of race to a historical figure and also, remarkably out of place in this song.

#37 – “Rockabye” – Clean Bandit featuring Sean Paul and Anne-Marie (2016)

This is not a Christmas song, this is “Rockabye” by Clean Bandit and Sean Paul. Come on, it’s tropical house! The song was written by Ina Wroldsen who was swapped out for Anne-Marie at the last minute, despite the band’s insistence on Wroldsen as the vocalist. You can figure this out without searching anything because when Sean Paul shouts Anne-Marie out on the intro, it is clearly punched in from a different take and has an audibly different mix. Yup. Next.

#36 – “Save Your Love” – Reneé and Renato (1982)

This is a song performed by a duo of Hilary Lester (“Reneé”) and Renato Pagliari. “Reneé” did not even appear in the video, she was replaced with a model, and that makes the trivia that it’s supposedly the first fully independent single to reach #1 a bit sourer of a fun fact. It was written behind the guy behind a TV robot called “Metal Mickey”, so that’s about how seriously I’m taking this bilingual schmaltz.

#35 – “Somethin’ Stupid” – Robbie Williams and Nicole Kidman (2001)

Most famously sung by Frank and Nancy Sinatra in 1967 (#1), this version by Robbie Williams who, if you don’t know and you’re reading a UK chart blog, I’m slightly confused, alongside Australian actress Nicole Kidman, is completely fine. The orchestra could be better implemented or not included at all, because the more lowkey Latin flavour to the duet is pretty cute, but that’s about all I have to say, it’s not really tied to Christmas or the grand scheme of music history in any way.

#34 – “Here in My Heart” – Al Martino (1952)

Well, here we have it: one of the most important songs in British pop music history, purely because it was the first single to ever hit #1 on what is largely considered the predecessor to the modern UK Singles Chart. The late Al Martino himself is American and was very successful stateside, so I’m not sure how much he would have cared exactly, but this performance is intense, very unsubtly so, and that drama of the chorus is something to behold… but it also really relegates all of its energy to that spot. Overall, it’s not the most interesting of songs to start the journey with but considering how convincingly dramatic it is, it’s a great way to begin any listening of UK #1s. Not only does this song commence the first ever singles chart, it’s the first Christmas #1 and for my sake, the first song on this list that I actually kind of like, meaning that yes, a good 36 of these were at least decent songs. I’m probably just being generous but even then, this really wasn’t as gruelling as it could have been.

#33 – “Earth Song” – Michael Jackson (1995)

It only comes to me now that I've pretty much never had to talk about Michael Jackson in-depth for my entire time writing this blog, and I'm not exactly starting now given that this is a series of mostly brief rundowns, and MJ only appears this once. I should say that whilst the song is somewhat enjoyable and I respect it to some degree, it is still in the awkward, self-serving call to action as John Lennon's “Happy Xmas (War is Over)” (#2, 1980). I loathe that song, but I can still appreciate the self-reflective angle that it tries to go for, which is lost by Michael Jackson in his screams to pay attention to the natural world’s suffering thanks to the sheer immensity and grandiose gospel build-up that means the song perpetually looks outwards, potentially not even forwards. This is alongside a vocal performance from MJ that to me is really hard to listen to – in fact, this whole six-minute adventure, and its powerful music video, is just... difficult to grapple with for me and the more I think about it, that might be the best way to call attention to the injustices of the world. I still can't listen to the song and enjoy it fully, but there are three things I love here that allow its higher placement: the key change, Guy Pratt’s bass in the second half and of course, the strained hook of cathartic “woo!”s at the tail-end.

#32 – “Green, Green Grass of Home” – Tom Jones (1966)

1966 feels a bit late for this kind of song but you have to remember that the charts aren’t nicely split into before and after certain artists, songs or events – trends bleed in and out all the time. Regardless of when it hit #1, it feels a bit pre-destined to. It’s a pleasant enough cover of a song that had been big in the US the year prior, and Tom Jones, impressed with Jerry Lee Lewis’ version, gave it a try. It’s more impressive that Jones is still a relatively active and recognisable figure in British pop music after all this time. I remember his most recent album even gathering some critical appraisal.

#31 – “Mr Blobby” – Mr Blobby (1993)

Sigh. I own this on vinyl.

#30 – “Goodbye” – Spice Girls (1998)

In the mid-90s, girl group phenomenon the Spice Girls had three consecutive Christmas #1s with slower, more sentimental tracks, which makes sense, and I actually have them in reverse chronological order here, because they got worse every year, though you’ll see I actually like the other two quite a lot. This one was reworked to be about Geri Halliwell leaving the group, and it sounds as exhausted as the girls were at this point, this is a great soundtrack to running out of steam. Oh, and ladies and gentlemen, here’s Conway Twitty:

#29 – “It’s Only Make Believe” – Conway Twitty (1958)

This was then-unknown Conway Twitty’s first real hit, and though not really a country song, more of a slowed-down rock ballad with some doo-wop to it, I get why he crossed over and I also kind of get this one. Late in his life, my dad had a thing for old, sad country songs and this hits what I imagine is the spot those tracks hit for him, it’s alright.

#28 – “I Have a Dream” / “Seasons in the Sun” – Westlife (1999)

Irish boy band Westlife are an act I almost expected to show up more than once here, so it’s just my luck in predictions that they actually do have two songs but only show up once. These two songs are quite syrupy renditions of older tracks with real cheap synth affects, especially in the first song, but are actually inoffensive and have a little 90s cheese charm to them. The synths in their version of ABBA’s “I Have a Dream” (#2, 1979) aren’t too far from Mario Kart 64 and coincidentally, my dad really loved “Seasons in the Sun”, originally a #1 hit for Terry Jacks in 1973. I know that it’s often considered a historically bad pop song, but I’ve always thought the structure was pretty sweet and this Westlife version is particularly funny because when they sing “it’s hard to die”, a funny echo effect means you hear “die…” fade out for the rest of the measure, which like “Stay Another Day”, is an oddly morbid moment for this boy band schlock.

#27 / #26 – “Bohemian Rhapsody” – Queen (1975, 1991)

It’s fine. Bit slow to start. Something about doing the fandango, killing a man. Freddie Mercury was really a bisexual Pooh Shiesty if you think about it. This is the only song to have the same recording hit #1 on Christmas twice though, the second, after Freddie had died, was a double A-side paired with the boring trite ballad “These Are the Days of Our Lives” which I’m sorry, is just insufferable. “Bohemian Rhapsody” is fine enough and I respect its ambition, even if overstated given what advances in music had already been made by the mid-70s, but that garbage actually takes it down further. I’m sure it was potent when the man had just passed but “Days of Our Lives” is some soppy adult contemporary bullshit compositionally, it feels as long as two Bohemian Rhapsodies, and neither are the Muppets version. Enough has been said over the years about how “Bohemian Rhapsody” stretched what could be considered a hit single, and the impact it has had on music videos, but this is not a discussion of the visual history of pop music, and I’m not one to ignore how progressive and interesting acts big as the Beatles (or the Beatles themselves, who we will get to in due time) had made pop rock long before Queen… this is a ranking of Christmas songs according to my own taste and in my opinion, this is simply a cool song tied temporarily, but integrally for this blog, to a shit one, and there are dozens of tracks that say more about either themselves, the music industry, the country that took it to #1 or the festive season as a whole.

#25 – “I Feel Fine” – The Beatles (1964)

Before the Spice Girls came the Spice Boys, the Liverpudlians who notched three consecutive Christmas #1s in the mid-60s and a fourth one afterwards, with this being our first one to cover and as you can tell, my personal least favourite. It’s difficult to say that the Beatles have any singles that aren’t iconic, let alone #1 hits, but I doubt that these singles, apart from one which we’ll discuss way later on, are in that top 10. “I Feel Fine” is compositionally fairly similar to songs I prefer from them we’ll see later, but it’s much less interesting in comparison to those thanks to being a tad undercooked. Like a lot of early Beatles, it’s a very simple song but the lack of a really impassioned vocal performance or strong enough hook to counter the chorus just leaves it sounding a tad incomplete. I do like hearing an early example of guitar feedback in pop music, though.

#24 – “Another Brick in the Wall (Part 2)” – Pink Floyd (1979)

What a great, charming Christmas single, right? “Another Brick in the Wall”? Part of why this is so low actually originates from how it fails to be a Christmas single, or really a single overall, and that it never intended to be. This is a good song, but one born from contempt for how lead lyricist Roger Waters was taught as a child and his experience with the education system, featuring a school choir that would ironically not be the same choir hitting #1 on Christmas the year after. Even elements of its murky sound are born from guitarist David Gilmour's contempt for disco but ultimately open-minded attempt for them to embody elements of it into their sound thanks to their producer Bob Ezrin. It feels really weird to place this high on a list when the idea of it hitting #1 at Christmas isn't just not part of the appeal and the story, but directly opposed to both and not in such a radical way that it acts as protest - it's still a disco song with a children's choir by one of the biggest rock bands on Earth. Speaking of, i'm also torn on the song itself – that guitar solo is incredible but as an edited-down “part two” single, it's incomplete by design, and doesn't function as a standalone piece as well as it should. Also, God, I hate children’s choir.

#23 – “Mr Blobby” – Mr Blobby (1993)

We don’t need no Blobbyvision. We don’t need no Blob control.

#23 – “Perfect” – Ed Sheeran (2017)

Well, I do suppose this fits, it just feels a bit too modern for this list, like “Rockabye”, and not having any direct Christmas references doesn’t help. I will say that I find this a perfectly sweet, charming song in its original form and it’s largely bogged down on this list because of versions that weren’t officially credited by the Official Charts Company that week but definitely contributed to the song’s success, those being the overblown duets with Beyoncé and Andrea Bocelli.

#22 – “I Will Always Love You” – Whitney Houston (1992)

Many Christmas #1s that aren’t explicitly related to the holiday season still have the air of December surrounding them in some way, whether it be slight musical details like in “Stay Another Day”, a wintry music video and cover art like “Perfect”, or even just the novelty factor of it ever hitting #1 like “Another Brick in the Wall”, “Mad World”, “Let’s Have Another Party” and many others we’ve seen and will see later. “I Will Always Love You”, however, was a US-born phenomenon, where this trophy barely matters, and the massive, all-encompassing belt of a song is predestined to be huge. I’m not too big on what is a generally good song because I have to be in the mood for it but it obviously works and never needed any holiday sentiment or novelty factor. Like “Earth Song” which, to be fair, even MJ had to consciously pull on heartstrings to get himself to the top, this is just too big to ignore and unlike “Earth Song”, it’s a listenable length.

#21 – “Return to Sender” – Elvis Presley (1962)

Looking at this list chronologically, this is just about where the idea of what we now see as modern pop and rock music emerges, primarily because of Elvis himself, who found this song a diamond in the rough for his comeback film Girls! Girls! Girls!, the other material for which he found quite dull to record. Despite having nothing to do with Christmas at all, the horns and jaunty rhythm definitely sound like it, and it’s great to hear such a youthful Elvis performance, but other than that, it is pretty simple and non-descript. The first Christmas #1 on the Irish charts, given the theme of returning love letters, you could even see this as a predecessor to a certain other Christmas song much later down the line.

#20 – “Merry Christmas Everyone” – Shakin’ Stevens (1985)

Sure, this is schmaltz, but undeniable schmaltz, and nostalgia may blind me here but I can’t imagine disliking this song for any reason other than it being a tad too long given it’s aping 50s and 60s rock and roll that wouldn’t let it drag on further than it does. Otherwise, sure, it’s a list of clichés, but it’s delivered with such a childlike grin I can’t help but admit Shakin’ Stevens has me on this one. I know, I know, higher than the Beatles.

#19 – “Ernie (The Fastest Milkman in the West)” – Benny Hill (1971)

I know, I know, the takes keep getting worse. Listen, this won an Ivor Novello Award for songwriting, I’m not joking. Prominent comedian Benny Hill released this ribald novelty single to great success in 1971, and yes, there are more sex jokes than a 2000s teen comedy, but it goes to such weird and uncomfortable places with its food-related innuendo that you have to admire how committed Hill is to the bit. The instrumental’s chugging military percussion, string swell and choral refrain also let the stakes get bizarrely high, to the point where Ernie is murdered in a duel with a bread delivery man, and his ghost haunts his wife. The bridge wherein the song basically just comes to a drumless halt, and Hill fills in that void by delivering possibly the worst obituary ever spoken, always gets me, in part because of how stupid the name Ernie is. The first line in the bridge is “Ernie was only 52, he didn’t want to die” and the next line about him delivering milk in Heaven just barely doesn’t make Hill crack up trying to deliver it. Its style and structure is a send-up of old cowboy-story songs from the 50s and 60s, particularly ones with stories of death and consisting largely of spoken-word sections; it immediately reminded me of John Leyton’s death disc “Johnny Remember Me”, similarly about a haunting, that hit #1 in 1961. That is one of my personal favourites #1s ever, so it should be of no surprise that this, despite its content, won me over.

#18 – “Merry Xmas Everybody” – Slade (1973)

For all intents and purposes, this is the Christmas #1. It kickstarted the competitive release of Christmas songs by pop acts, it’s the third song chronologically on this list to be actually about Christmas and the first in over a decade, and even then, it references the “old songs” being the best, defining how this list is constantly looking backwards, much like Britain as a whole. It’s also funny that despite that reference, this is absolutely the first song on this list to remain as part of the semi-official Christmas canon that returns to the chart annually. Overthinking this staple of a song seems borderline blasphemous, even if it’s so basic and laddish that it can be a bit of a slog, but glam rock band Slade’s lead vocalist Noddy Holder screaming in declaration that it’s “CHRIIIIISSTMAAAAASS” may be synonymous with the British holiday experience, or at least once was. The trend of Christmas songs returning to the chart each year started with this song being reissued in the 1980s, which makes sense considering how big parts of this song sound, particularly that 60s rock and roll guitar (very back in style in that decade), and the layered group vocal of the chorus. It’s stupid, it’s worse than its closest competitor from Wizzard that year, “I Wish it Could Be Christmas Everyday” (#4, 1973-4), but it’s still such an inescapable classic to this day. It may be the first and last Christmas song I’ve ever heard and will hear, it really is that embedded into UK culture. Thankfully, though, we’re able to keep it relatively short with the next few entries.

#17 – “Can We Fix It?” – Bob the Builder (2000)

I may prefer Bob’s construction-themed re-write of “Mambo No. 5” (the 9/11 #1 – I’m not joking), but novelty aside, the 2-step rhythm helps this stand out. This clears the fucking Tweenies, those creepy Teletubbies and especially that narc bitch Fireman Sam.

#16 – “I Hear You Knocking” – Dave Edmunds (1970)

Originally recorded in Smiley Lewis in 1955, “I Hear You Knocking” makes absolutely zero sense as a Christmas single, in fact “I hear you knocking but you can’t come in” may be the antithesis of nice, warm family time. The conclusion of a long trend of blues songs using similar language, this bitter track was reinterpreted into a borderline experimental blues rock jam by Welshman Dave Edmunds after finding out that the song he wanted to cover was already taken. He heard Lewis’ recording, realised the backing beat was identical, and recorded this distorted, nasal slice of vengeance over it, with mechanical, scraping drums – especially in the right channel for whatever reason – and a layering of droopy guitars that strip the song back considerably but add a unique character through Edmunds, who sounds pridefully pissed off, but still takes time in the break to ad-lib some of his favourite rock & roll pioneers and R&B stars of the 50s, all the way back in the mix too. As a whole piece, it’s really simple and casual as a blues stomper but not only is that refrain insanely catchy, but combine it with that overly loud crashing cymbal splitting the mix, Edmunds’ whooping and “I’m not mad, I’m disappointed”-sounding guitars and it goes relentlessly hard. A fantastic song, one that John Lennon famously insisted on in interviews, including the last one he ever did, but perhaps not a merry jingle and more of a pub pleaser.

#15 – “Sound of the Underground” – Girls Aloud (2002)

This has been talked to death already like many other songs here, but there really is a loveable appeal to “Sound of the Underground”, combing that slick surf guitar with a drum and bass rumble to make something that popular music was immediately familiar with, but the manufactured pop music regime that pumped out boy band and girl group hits would have otherwise passed on immediately if it weren’t just that sticky of a hook. Technically, however, this would be the first instance of reality television plaguing the Christmas chart, as the top three that year, including Girls Aloud, was dominated by Popstars contestants – at least in this case the song was great, but for the purpose of this particular list, an awkward legacy to hold.

#14 – “Just Walkin’ in the Rain” – Johnnie Ray (1956)

This loveably nonchalant song was first written in 1952 by two prisoners in Tennessee, with rock and roll precursor and 50s teen sensation Johnnie Ray performing its best-known rendition. Apparently, he didn’t even like the song, but you’d never know, and this has everything I love about traditional pop and R&B: a gimmicky lead hook with the fuzzy whistling, a basic but sticky refrain, a melodrama leading to dangerous levels of oversinging that clips and distorts slightly in the mix. If it were less of a moaner lyrically, it could probably be higher, but he really sells the despair of being a prisoner and how society treats those who have broken the law, even for petty crimes. The group doo-wop backing vocals act as looming over Ray in a really melancholy track, I do recommend checking this out because it may be the least famous of the Christmas #1s overall, and deserves a lot more attention.

#13 – “Mr Blobby” – Mr Blobby (1993)

OCC’s playlist of Christmas #1s is not perfect by any means but it does contain, in some capacity, every single entry to hit #1 on Christmas, except for two. The first is the 1989 re-recording of “Do They Know it’s Christmas?”, though two other versions of the song are included for the original and 2000s revival, so the song is still very much there. The second, and the only song completely, thoroughly excluded, entirely non-present, is this one. “Mr Blobby” by Mr Blobby. OCC makes no reference to this exclusion on Spotify, stating that it contains all the winners from 1952 to now, except it just doesn’t. The official page for the Christmas #1 on the Official Charts Company website does not mention the Blobster in its text and silently, probably hesitantly includes him in the list table for historical purposes, without noting that their “complete” playlist of “every” number-one denies our Blobby boy his rightful position as a chart record-holder. What may hurt the most is that there is one tacit acknowledgement of Blobby in that article: OCC mentions that “cartoon characters”, plural, have held the top spot, meaning that they either acknowledge Blobby as a cartoon alongside Bob, which is a fair enough assessment considering his design and animated appearances, or they’re referring to a Claymation music video we’ll discuss later on, which would be… potentially accurate but bizarrely insensitive, much like the exclusion of Blobberson from a conversation he statistically and historically deserves a place in. You deny the Blob of his divine right, you run the risk of execution, and we wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to the poor OCC interns, would we? So, I propose that when you update the page this year, to include 2024’s Christmas #1, you simply add a short passage acknowledging that not only did Mr Blobby achieve this feat but that as a company and national institution, you have been ignorant of if not actively opposed to this chart success, therefore refusing to celebrate the peak of Blobbymania. Surveys show that 80% of the British public still identify as Blobby fans and what do you mean I need to shut up and talk about the Spice Girls?

#13 – “Too Much” – Spice Girls (1997)

I do really enjoy many parts of this song, and would probably call it a great track, but there are parts that really hamper it from being perfect. The track is about equal treatment in a relationship, wherein it’d be too hard to let go completely but still needing their partner to be a better partner overall, not just a satisfactory lover and a genuine friend whom she can console in. I love that independent sentiment of demanding more from this guy, and the powerful line of “What part of no don’t you understand? I want a man, not a boy who thinks he can”, delivered by Mel C, belted right after the second chorus amidst a blast of horns, before fading (quite literally) into the brief sax solo, and returning with the same lyric to lead into the final hook, is a great moment! Hell, the song may be one of the best examples of their form of “girl power”, looking for small victories in a patriarchal world, but that moment in the bridge I just mentioned is also emblematic of a larger problem I have with the song, being that it was recorded hastily between filming their tie-in movie Spiceworld and therefore so much of it was tied together in post-production. Given how empty the verses feel, how the song just trails off and the lack of truly impressive solo parts other than the one I just mentioned, you can really tell – it’s still a great track, but one that deserved more time and a better process to elevate it even higher.

#12 – “Christmas Alphabet” – Dickie Valentine (1955)

This is a strange one, and also a relatively simple one, but I may have found a hidden gem with this one. The first Christmas #1 to actually be about Christmas, it’s so lovingly sincere in its attempt to make an acrostic children’s poem with the word “Christmas”, and to hear the choir singing not just every letter but at some point even specifying “Capital C” is really delightful. It sounds built for a stop-motion special, the intro particularly, but largely predates them, whilst still wrapping up its twinkly two minutes in a lovingly warm bow. Thank God Michael Bublé hasn’t found this one yet because Valentine’s version may not be the most impressive vocal or extensive composition but is simply a nice, pleasant tune that goes into adorable territory with the whole “Christmas Alphabet” gimmick. The dumb smile on my face is worth all the places I put it over genuine classics. How does this not return every year?

#11 – “Day Tripper” / “We Can Work it Out” – The Beatles (1965)

We have our final double A-side and second Beatles entry, with the next few coming really soon. I do like both of these songs a lot, but given how much analysis of the Beatles there is, for every angle of their discography, I’ll keep it brief, and none of these are or could even attempt to function as Christmas songs. The band promoted this single using performance videos, influencing the modern concept of music videos which would later become very important for several Christmas #1s long after, like “Bohemian Rhapsody”, “Earth Song” and another we’ll see right near the end. It’s a really effective double A-side too, as they are simple, soul-influencd rock tunes that play with their constant intensity in different ways. “Day Tripper” has a raw group vocal but a tight, one-chord riff and apparently, this particular version was chosen because it was the one take that didn’t break down entirely. “We Can Work it Out”, far from the drug-influenced lyrics of its counterpart, and probably my favourite of the two, is a personal song about an ongoing breakup of a close relationship, with a much gentler acoustic, jangly folk stroll as McCartney carols on optimistically that the relationship can be salvaged, with the desperate chorus repeating that title as a mantra until it quite frankly devolves into Lennon’s deathly waltz contemplating on mortality that itself derails with Ringo’s drum crashes before picking back up again. The intensity is instead spread out into the song’s enemy-of-momentum, stop-and-start structure in contrast to “Day Tripper” but both paint an image of guys drifting away from compassion and desperately wanting their perspective known and prioritised. Not my all-time favourites from them, well, “We Can Work it Out” might be close, but still great songs and possibly the best use of the double A-side on this list.

#10 – “Hello, Goodbye” – The Beatles (1967)

Straight into more Beatles, and despite being much later into their career, fully in their more complex and progressive, psychedelic years, it refuses to venture outside of its traditional pop qualities, in a demonstration of refrain to experiment that you wouldn’t get from the Beatles this late usually. To be fair, its B-side is “I Am the Walrus”, so perhaps a more conventional track was needed, yet in its constant repetition of the confused duality, becomes quite experimental as it has to rely on flooding the mix with instruments that carry and more often distract from the guys’ hurried abstractism, whether that be the array of strings, stray guitar slide or the rising guitar progression in the right channel – I wouldn’t be surprised if “Telephone Line” by the Electric Light Orchestra (#8, 1977) cribbed that from this, the two sound very similar, and it’s even more obvious when the Beatles have a layered harmony vocal to that guitar’s melody. Ringo has one of his more impressively chaotic drum parts on this during what I can only describe as a breakdown alongside a rawer, barely-verbal vocal rant, and the song in its very last moments decides to implode into a scattered military band rhythm with ad-libbing in abundance, which I’m disappointed fades out. Derivative it may be, and lyrically, it’s practically nothing, but it does act as a good send-off for the Beatles’ final Christmas #1 together as it has the simple and basic idea of their older tracks, but the complex, surreal approach to building off of it as their later albums. “Hello, Goodbye”, in all its whimsy, is like one of those older compositions through the dizzying lens of psychedelia, eventually becoming a cacophony that only the Beatles could really take to the top of the charts.

#9 – “Lily the Pink” – The Scaffold (1968)

There are three picks in this top 10 that would probably strike you as a bit odd, or even goofy novelty choices, and I’m not really going to sit here and defend them as anything else… okay, well, I will later on, but this one is definitely pure novelty and I have no real idea why this music hall pub sing-a-long resonated with me nearly as much as it did. The Scaffold was a silly Liverpool comedy troupe of entertainers, one of which, Mike McGear, was Paul McCartney’s brother, who released a few novelty singles, this being their most successful. I did listen to another, and it actually caught me so off-guard and made me laugh really loud when they interrupted their bizarre “Thank U Very Much” (#4, 1968) by abruptly bursting into singing the national anthem. Otherwise, I had never heard of The Scaffold before this list, and I’d never heard of this song or its subject, Lydia Pinkham, who in the 1800s marketed a herbal remedy for menstruation and menopause called “women’s tonic”, which sought to cure “hysteria” and “women’s weakness”. Mostly dismissed by medical experts, her “vegetable compound” did relieve stress even if not provably curing anything, and stayed on the market due to frivolous advertising and filling a void in the market for women who were struggling with periods and the menopause, with the adverts even claiming that the remedy made them better wives and mothers.

“Lily the Pink”, a variation of an American folk song, takes this to ridiculous proportions, with the Scaffold lads listing, over a percussive, military-esque rhythm, ludicrous responses to mundane problems that are all traced back to Lily the Pink’s medicinal compound. A song gaining this much cultural space in the UK is interesting to me, as it’s a North American folk song that probably reached Brits through the army, as it was reportedly sung on Pennsylvania universities as early as 1902, and brought to prisoner-of-war camps by Canadian soldiers. Nearly a full century after Pinkham first established her remedy in response to economic ruin, The Scaffold fuse the melody with then-topical pop culture reference (now flying right past me, though they do reference the Hollies – weird band to come up twice) and a uniquely British humour. If you have large ears, you drink the compound and you can fly, which doesn’t solve your problem, just makes you Dumbo. Similarly, the compound puts a guy who wouldn’t eat his meals in a wheelchair, strengthens the delusions of a senile Ebenezer, turned a stammerer mute, gave an old woman with arthritis just… more legs, and performed what I can only describe as instant hormone therapy to a girl with freckles. It’s such a dumb joke but it allows for enough absurdity alongside the drinking song chorus that it really chuckled me, I like thinking of all these case studies they bring up that clearly contrast with the falsified advertisements they sing about in the hook, declaring Pinkham “the saviour of the human race”. Much like “Ernie” after it, this also has a sudden switch in the bridge to a more barebones, piano backing as Lily the Pink, in regret for making bizarre inhuman creations out of mundane, everyday problems like Auntie Milly-Pede and Old Ebenezer, Emperor of Rome, drinks herself to death. It took me aback in the first listen when they go for a bizarre choral switch and even outline that when she got to Heaven, she brought her bloody compound with her, and after an exhaustingly-held build-up, we crash right back into the chorus because the angels in Heaven have problems her remedy can supposedly solve too. It strays away from the ribald or offensive nature of the military songs into a sanitised but delightfully surreal and jaunty bop that I know is a bizarre song to place this high, but it’s basically a cartoon in song form so me personally ranking it highly should not be a surprise.

#8 – “Don’t You Want Me” – The Human League (1981)

This and the next song are obviously classics, ranking highly thanks to being undeniable songs, but they also don’t need much further explanation, and feel almost like obvious picks. “Don’t You Want Me” by Sheffield synthpop act The Human League has one of the greatest choruses ever written, plainly, and a dominating synth buzz to accommodate it. It didn’t need anything else to go #1 but the deadpan delivery of the back-and-forth narrative in the verses, with both vocalists not particularly impressing anyone, and so much of the song being in a staccato rhythm you could basically speak outside of the most integral parts (namely, the “oh-oh-oh-oh”), makes it a prime karaoke classic that has sustained itself through the test of time. This is all in spite of frontman Philip Oakey thinking the song was a piece of filler that fans would be ripped off if they bought it unless it was attached with a cool poster. He was so tremendously wrong about that but the man put out “Together in Electric Dreams” with Giorgio Moroder (#3, 1984) so he can say whatever he wants.

#7 – “I Want to Hold Your Hand” – The Beatles (1963)

…Obviously, right? One of my personal favourite Beatles songs, there’s something irresistible about the jovial riffs and innocuous pleading of wanting to hold this girl’s hand, delivering that proposition as if it were the most consequential decision of their entire lives. There’s not much else to say, it’s pure bubblegum, but it’s damn good and definitely a classic.

#6 – “2 Become 1” – Spice Girls (1996)

I know, I know, I know how bad this looks. This over every Beatles song, and I’d love to tell you that it was close and despite how “I Want to Hold Your Hand” is very much one of my favourite #1s of all time… it really wasn’t close, I adore “2 Become 1”. I am a sucker for 90s adult contemporary, and this is fully in Babyface territory, so that could be why, but mostly I just think this one of the smoothest sex jams that has hit the charts, and like a lot of the best sex songs, ends up being about much more. Namely, this song has some wider depths to it, especially in the context of it being a Christmas song, as a general call for togetherness. Sure, the chorus is about making love, but it ends by asking you to set your spirit free, after verses begging you to free your mind of doubt, allowing yourself to become one with someone in a more spiritual way that I find intriguing as something they included. It doesn’t make the song more wholesome, necessarily, but it does take the sexual angle and expands it into a more constant connection that really speaks to me. “It’s the only way to be” – the song sees human collaboration, love and togetherness as some kind of ultimate goal and accomplishment that I find genuinely compelling.

Of course, that’s not the main purpose of the song, and it’s not to green-screen yourself into a New York timelapse either, it’s a gorgeous R&B song with every trademark of the genre in this era: the delicate percs in the drum loops, the constant underlying strings that swell in blissfully at the needed moments, stray Latin-flavoured guitar, and a mix that uses all available space, especially with layered vocal harmonies and riffing. One of the first songs to come from the girls, you can tell that the vocals are limited but, especially in the intimate verses, that’s for the best as you can hear the charm of these five young women coming into pop music with all the energy they did, even in what would otherwise be a laidback smooth jam. I particularly love the pre-chorus, where Baby Spice – sorry, Emma Bunton – tempts their partner but in a fun-loving way, like stop dilly-dallying, be smart, put a condom on and come closer. She even asks the mocking question of “Are you as good as I remember?”, but aside from Bunton and their general chemistry as a group, the other stars are Mel B, repeating that spiritual mantra through to the song’s end and Victoria Beckham, handling the first half of both verses with a cute, intimate delivery that fits like a glove on this cascading glade of an instrumental. Perhaps not explicitly a Christmas song but one that fits its ethos in part and absolutely, through all its glistens and twinkles, fits the sound.

#5 – “Only You” – The Flying Pickets (1983)

Bit of a weird one, and one I’m not 100% about putting this high, partly because Margaret Thatcher loved it, showing that music can bring us together, I suppose, but that doesn’t mean she’s not in Hell, just that her playlist wasn’t all trash. I do like the original version by Yazoo, which is decidedly similar and the song feels built for a male vocalist given how it was written by Vince Clarke and originally sang by the deep, bluesy Alison Moyet. The cute, synthy and simple track is full of bleep-bloops and a nuanced set of lyrics interpreted to be about Clarke’s split from Depeche Mode but out of context, are more like a half-whispered request for a lover to always be with them in spite of the distance they’ve had to hold and will have to if the recipient of the song isn’t as dedicated, which makes enough sense for a primitive synthpop already reliant on the powerful vocal, but would make even more sense if every part of the song was just a bloke.

Yazoo’s version was simply released too late (or too early?) to be a Christmas #1, peaking at #2 in May of 1982, but a cappella group The Flying Pickets took the mantle of releasing what is already a nostalgic song with plenty of twinkling instrumentation into its deserved spot of the holiday chart-topper. Further layers of vocal harmony are added to make this a really unique single of the 1980s, one that plays with the complexities of layering vocal take upon vocal take to simulate a song structurally, with each “bah” of the main backing arranged not only in perfect, intricate order but spread across all channels to make an immersive mix that, for 1983, strikes me as genuinely impressive, and it really doesn’t sound like a miraculous take either given all th affects like the intrusive sci-fi synth-bloops that commences the song after a faded rise into phased harmony. The first a cappella song to hit #1 ever, it’s an unusual one at that, feeling like a haunting church choir but also like it could have soundtracked Yoshi’s Island for the SNES. The devotion of the lyrics becomes a lot more tangible when the lead vocal is struggling to stand out amidst a sea of other voices he occasionally phases into, and that 80s production turns a cappella versions into something borderline surreal with the new “ba-da-da” refrains similarly skating across the mix hitting against a choral wave and powered by a finger-snap with so much echo that it flutters as a snip rather than a snip, gathering about as much strength as a fly against a window or a piece of paper thrown away. The sheer amount of vocals, presumably pitch-shifted in the rising bridge, is stressful, it’s more effective than the more mechanical synth production of the Yazoo version at making you feel just how intense this long-distance relationship has proven to be, but also how intense the vocalist’s personal love is in spite of it, travelling across a never-ending hallway of ghostly vocal channels. Much like “Lily the Pink”, I definitely did not come into this project looking to rank this one very high, but I think this is beautiful and, whilst most songs in this top five emerge from the same decade, it still deserves its spot here.

#4 – “Last Christmas” – Wham! (2023)

No, that’s not a typo. The Wham! classic only reached #1 last year, this being the #2 I teased from back at the start as I was discussing Band Aid. This is also the highest-ranking Christmas song on the list! Much like “Another Brick in the Wall” or “I Want to Hold Your Hand”, I won’t waste your time discussing the ins and outs of what may be one of the most famous and recognisable songs ever written and released, but I do have a unique angle here at least, because despite being about Christmas, explicitly, and having Christmas in the title and lyrics constantly, with gift-giving as a prominent conceit, I struggle to say “Last Christmas” embodies the warmth of Christmas. In fact, part of why I think it has become so popular in its resurgence post-George Michael’s passing, especially in the US where it wasn’t that big initially, is because of how cold and angry it can be, the kind of Christmas song that isn’t saccharine and ages well once the childlike joy of the festivity is gone.

Rather than anything all too jolly, “Last Christmas” is a scathing indictment of an ex-lover as not valuable and a waste of time. We may be forgetting when we sentimentalise this song that it is one of the bitterest post-breakup piss-offs in pop music history: “I wasted my time and effort with you, but now I see you don’t value me, so next year, I’ll run off and give my love to someone who’s actually worth any of my time”. The verses mostly describe, passive-aggressively, George Michael trying to avoid an ex-lover, and given he is the sole writer and producer of the song, you can tell this was cathartic for him, it really couldn’t have been anyone other than him selling this song. Sure, the 80s synthpop textures would have had a similar balance between the cold wintry outside and the gathering-around-the-fireplace warmth, especially with the sleigh bells, but the delivery of the lyrics may be the most integral part of this song: genuinely every single inflection in the verses is perfect. The switch between drawing out the notes of “Once bitten and twice shy” versus the staccato delivery of “You still catch my eye”, the whispered “Happy Christmas” in the first verse building up into a half-belt, the comical aside of “it’s been a year, it doesn’t surprise me”. He finds a new way to emphasise the drama and betrayal of “You gave it away!” in the backing vocals each chorus, the layering of the vocals in the second verse getting so intense that its residue crosses over into where the next line would be, making it so that him finding a new love actually comes with the literal passage of time, it’s brilliant. The change of “You gave it away” in one of the final choruses to “You gave me away” is what takes it over that last hump: it’s not about Christmas, it’s about humans valuing each others’ time and effort, and the pain, even in this decorative synthpop sound, is audible. The attention to detail with the vocals following the narrative is really something that I had to notice after years of listening to the song and it clicked with me why and how it worked all these years without getting old: it’s really a universal feeling of wanting to be cared about that can never disappear once the naïve wonders of the holiday do. If there’s a sentiment that always follows Christmas, regardless of age, it’s the knowledge that people, in spite of everything, do love you. Both that sentiment of unconditional love and attention to detail, as well as nearly everything else considering it’s another 80s pop duo, carries on into our next song, the highest song on this list to have reached #1 in its year of release.

#3 – “Always on My Mind” – Pet Shop Boys (1987)

My favourite Pet Shop Boys song is “Suburbia”, but this is a close second, and it may take a while to explain why. This song originates from Wayne Carson, who had the song in writing development Hell for a good amount of time, with the three exhausted songwriters eventually all finishing it but initially, to no success. Carson has said to the Los Angeles Times that he was a burden in the recording studio constantly working on it, with the song’s main conceit being: “It’s sort of like all guys who screw up and would love nothing better than to pick up the phone and call their wives and say, 'Listen, honey, I could have done better, but I want you to know that you were always on my mind.'” Originally a country ballad, the song’s backstory is from when Carson had to phone his wife that he needed to be in Memphis for longer than he was intending to, and how “irate” she was about that, and there’s something really heartbreaking about the distance there: Carson gives this excuse that is intended to reassure her – “I was thinking about you all the time” – when it’s his presence that actually matters. He can phone in and say that all he likes, but he’s still not there and since he’s so far away from her, he can’t exactly understand how much that matters and how meaningless of a statement that is. In 1972, the song would eventually find its hit-making vocalist in Elvis Presley (#9, 1973), and then this cover version has a perfect storm leading up to it.

Elvis’ version never hit #1 in the UK but, thanks I’m sure in part to the Pet Shop Boys’ version, it is Britain’s favourite song of his, according to ITV’s 2013 poll. The admiration for this song runs deep, partly because it’s simply been performed incredibly well three separate times by big-name artists and I would like to say partly because of how each performance exacerbates the labour that was involved in making the song. Willie Nelson won a GRAMMY with his version (#49, 1982) and deservedly so, his version is probably my favourite of the sentimental country versions, and was produced by Chips Moman himself, who owned the studio Carson was staying at a decade earlier trying to finish the song. In 1987, ITV commemorated 10 years since Elvis had died with a television special featuring covers of songs he made famous by then-contemporary acts, with one of those being the Pet Shop Boys – the reception was so positive that it was released as a single and edged out The Pogues’ “Fairytale of New York” (#2, 1987-8) for the top spot. If that did hit #1, it would be right above this one, by the way, look at that Christmas top 10 if you get the chance, it is unbelievably stacked.

This new hi-NRG version from the Boys is my favourite, and that comes mostly from the loose interpretation of it as a synth-heavy dance track that chugs along with the beeping drum rhythm and overwhelming synth horns that crash into the mix. To do electronic sound design this immersive and detailed before widely available DAWs, again, strikes me as genuinely impressive, and Neil Tennant turns the guilty admissions of Carson, Elvis and Nelson before him into flailing desperacy – he longs to reassure that he was always thinking about his partner that he could have treated the way they deserved, but the driving synthpop backing beat is actively taking him away, driving him off in a car that eventually fades out alongside the entire mix, accentuating just how likely that sentiment is to be caught on deaf ears. It’s a risky choice to update the song this drastically but it elevates it to such a grand electronic statement of unmet promises and may be the best send-off to the big 80s sound on that ethos alone. This is not really a Christmas song in any way, and no, neither are the two upcoming songs, which I say despite the first one being quite literally the year before.

#2 – “Reet Petite” – Jackie Wilson (1986)

Jackie Wilson was a wild guy. He was an ex-boxer by his teenage years, first married at 17, had a shit-ton of kids, got shot in the stomach by a crazed fan and/or ex-girlfriend depending on whose story you believe, and evaded more taxes than Jimmy Carr. His performances were a frenzied workout sesh that in the 1960s, probably felt like you were watching time speed up in front of you, he was truly one of the first to live the stereotypical “rockstar” lifestyle. He was the nightcore version of himself, and by Christmas 1986, he had been dead for two years, having long been incapacitated since he collapsed on stage in 1975. So how’d it go #1 in that year’s Christmas season?

Firstly, it’s timeless, and Wilson’s role in popular music is probably a lot more important than is given credit. Not only was he a genuine menace on and off stage in a way the tabloids post-Beatles would have a field day with, but this song funded one of the most important moments in popular music: the Motown moment. Originally released in 1957, you can accredit some of (also an ex-boxer) Berry Gordy’s cash and cred to him co-writing this song, and many others of Wilson’s catalogue, back when he started in the industry. Sure, there would be songs more seminal and integral to the Motown story, but this was the first ever successful single Gordy wrote: it kickstarted the venture that would lead to some of the most important pop, R&B and soul releases in the history of pop music, and soundtracked the civil rights era, allowing for further integration of black art into the industry and popular zeitgeist. I’m not saying Jackie Wilson started all that, or that this silly song about a girl is why Michael Jackson exists, but I really think we should give “Reet Petite” its flowers for that, and also maybe the fact that it’s a massive banger! At less than three minutes, it wastes no time with its lovestruck nonsense lyrics closer to jazz scatting and sound effects than what Motown would eventually be known for, as well as the dynamics of this racket of a song. 1957? I would have a Goddamn heart attack if I was a record executive hearing this in 1957, with those blaring horn stabs and pointless doo-wop harmonies that seem to be there to bring the chaos down to earth but actually just make it more of a cacophony. He rolls his R’s like he’s the Eisenhower-era Desiigner (could be related for all we know, he got around), and his performance is not crazed as much as it’s just infatuated, full of hooks and gut reactions to seeing what must have been the cutest girl of all time if it made him sing like this. Oh, and it hit #1 in 1986. Let’s explain that one.

So BBC Two had a documentary series called Arena – still has, apparently – but I’m not familiar with it outside of the fact that it had a sequence by Giblets that featured this song. It must have been a weird tone shift because high-art documentaries seem to be that show’s bread and butter, and this was a grotesque Claymation music video for a dusty, greased-up wolf-with-eyes-bulging-out-of-his-head tune by a dead guy from 1957. It ends up portraying the guy as a baby, going completely weak and head over heels for said finest girl you ever want to meet, and yeah, exemplifies the song’s character perfectly. The single got reissued posthumously and it hit #1 because this was basically a viral, fan-made animated music video in 1986, that is insane. The amount of tiny little influential and ahead of its time details that exist about this song, its story, its rise to #1, should be something of legend but I don’t see it discussed nearly enough. I want to change that.

So that was a long ramble. It’s not as long a ramble as I’m going to grant the #1, because it should be obvious. There’s been some trash heaps here – culturally degrading charity singles, manufactured trite, songs that just don’t work for me personally – but also some absolute all-timers, from iconic songs reigning as classics that I don’t fully get the appeal of to some of the most influential and undeniable records ever written and released. And Hell, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure, you can have tons of disagreements with my list placing, and I fully expect that, music is wonderful like that. I don’t think there’ll be anyone who does not understand where I’m coming from with this one, though. Say it with me: Motherfucker.

#1 – “Killing in the Name” – Rage Against the Machine (2009)

Everyone knows the story by now, right? It’s almost cliché. Jon Morter, who is a genuinely interesting anti-corporate campaigner, was sick of those X Factor tracks hitting #1, and so was his wife – LadBaby, eat your heart out – so the couple made a Facebook page campaigning for another, less politically correct, less radio-friendly track to hit #1. So we sent one of the greatest middle fingers to authority and police brutality of all time to #1 years after it first peaked at #25 in 1993. Even better, Simon Cowell himself disproved of the campaign… and it gathered even more support as a result. Rock legends got behind them, it gathered more support. Rage go on BBC Radio to perform the track, Zack de la Rocha says “fuck” damn near 20 times, it gathers even more support. It eventually sold 500,000 downloads, with thousands of proceeds from the campaign going to homeless shelters. But I bet you don’t hear Tom Morello and Jon Morter doing soft-ball interviews bragging about their achievements on the radio, desperately keeping the charity in their mouths so it doesn’t seem like they’re gleefully parading in the fame. They let the moment happen, and it was a kickass moment. Why didn’t we send rap metal to the top every year? “Sabotage” (#19, 1994) the next year, “Break Stuff” the year after, it would have been special, guys. I’m just saying.

Ultimately, I don’t have to explain “Killing in the Name” to you – you’ve probably heard it, and you haven’t, just listen to it and you’ll get why it’s up here. You may think it’s silly, immature or even cynical to put a song that spits in the face of what a Christmas #1 has evolved to mean at the top of this list. Understand, however, that if anything, that’s what makes it so great: strip away your connotations of what a Christmas #1 should be or sound like, or Hell, what a #1 hit in general should be willing to tackle, and just focus on what it is: the song people are listening to. The song the public like the most at any given time. Isn’t it incredible that we all collectively seized control of what we earn from capitalism, we seized control of the shape an abusive web of industries takes to convince us there’s any real value to it, we seized control of the industry, to completely reject it, even if just for one week? But hey, if you’re still not convinced and think I should have put Westlife up here instead… fuck you. I won’t do what you tell me. Jedward were on the side of the people! Thanks for reading, long live Cola Boyy, and I’ll see you in the next episode!

…

…

…

Just kidding.

#1 – “Mr Blobby” – Mr Blobby (1993)

Blobby supremacy, everyone! One nation under Blobby. Praise Blob. Glory to our gracious Blob. Blob Save the King… who is also Blobby. Merry Christmas.

[smoshgoshbefosh]

December 28:))

What Smosh Videos were Posted on Your Birthday?

2009

Best of Smosh 2009- Smosh Main

2010

No videos December 28

2011

No videos December 28

2012

Best of 2012 Remix- Smosh Main

Crossovers That Need to Cross Over (Top five Friday)- Smosh Games

Mario Mud Tackling (Game Bang)- Smosh Games

2013

Super Naughty Lyrics- Smosh Pit

Dangerous Love (DeadRising3 Pt. 13)- Smosh Games

They're In For A Shock! (DeadRising3 Pt. 14)- Smosh Games

A Buffet To Die For (DeadRising3 Pt. 15)- Smosh Games

2014

Smosh Games Year In Review (Bonus)- Smosh Games

2015

Ab Shocker Trivia- Smosh Pit

New Years Explosion Preparation (Maricraft)- Smosh Games

2016

Silence of The Fam (Press Start)- Smosh Games

2017

The Whisper Challenge 6- Smosh Pit

2018

No videos December 28

2019

No videos December 28

2020

Every Youtuber's Apology (The Music Video)- Smosh Main

2021

Eat It or Yeet It 2021 Marathon- Smosh Pit

2022

Revealing Our Dating Profiles- Smosh Main

2023

No videos December 28

[ultrakdramamama]

Adding to their title "Princes of K-pop," the Korean media officially recognized SHINee as the irreplaceable "Edge of K-pop"!

SHINee Earns New Moniker Irreplaceable 'Edge of K-pop' — Here Are 3 Reasons

On May 23, two days before their 15th debut anniversary on the 25th, the Korean media announced SHINee's new moniker!

According to its official SNS as well as Korean media outlets including OSEN, Newsen, Xports News, Sports Chosun, etc., SHINee is the irreplaceable "Edge of K-pop."

The article started by acknowledging SHINee as "idol of idols," thanks to their outstanding and unrivaled music. The outlet also highlighted SHINee's identity as TRENDLEADERS.

"SHINee is a contemporary band that creates new trends that best match the current era in many ways, including music, performance, and fashion."

Since their debut, the group has been consistently praised not only by the public but by music critics as well for their "sophisticated and unique" charms.

In the past, they recorded the first "Rookie Grand Slam," winning all "Rookie of the Year" awards from five major music awards shows.

Their hits remain iconic to date, such as "Ring Ding Dong," which is still a "banned" song among CSAT takers for its addictive tone; "Sherlock," which introduced an unconventional, experimental hybrid remix of two songs "Clue" and "Note"; as well as "View," a song used by Korean classes to explain synesthesia.

Secondly, media outlets implied that SHINee is SHINee because of their "SHINee-like" music. Although the group is constantly contemplating, changing and growing, they don't fail to deliver the solidness, completeness and uniqueness of a song — which is very SHINee-like.

They don't repeat concepts; rather, they expand concepts and stories.

Last but not least, SHINee is one of the groups that get better compared to their past releases. You may think that a certain era is already their "best," but the group always succeeds to surpass their recent records.

In June, the team is expected to unveil their first full-length album in about two years, and it is expected to be a meaningful album to start another chapter of SHINee, which has become more colorful as you can meet SHINee's music and other different styles of songs.

"Whenever a new album is released, SHINee, who attracts high attention from global fans as well as the music industry, is expected to show a new and powerful chapter."

SHINee Prepares For Their 15th Debut Anniversary

The "Princes of K-pop" SHINee will celebrate their 15th anniversary on May 25!

SHINee, who is considered one of K-pop's most complete idols by solidifying its differentiated position, will return as a complete group about two years after their seventh full-length repackage "Atlantis" in 2021 to mark the 15th anniversary of their debut.

Starting with the opening of a pop-up store on the 25th, a fan meeting will be held at Jamsil Indoor Gymnasium in Seoul from the 27th to the 28th, and the release of a new full-length album is also scheduled in June.

Written by Eunice Dawson

[celinamarniss]

Year in Review

In 2023 I posted 4 fics at 58,153 words.

Previous years:

2022: 4 fics at 45,096 words.

2021: 3 fics posted, 55,788 words.

2020: 7 or 10 fics posted, 125,738 words.

2019: 7 fics posted, 72,149 words.

2018: 7 fics posted, 87,752 words

2016: 9 fics posted, 51,643 words

2017: 9 fics posted, 115,336 words

2016: 9 fics posted, 51,653 words

In total, 49 fics posted to Ao3.

We Can't Keep Meeting Like This

34,355 words, gen, Din/Luke/Mara

The Din/Luke/Mara fic I told myself I wasn't going to write! As these things tend to do, it expanded into a much longer fic than I expected. The "five things (plus one)" structure helped to keep it from spiraling even further, but those individual chapters ended up being much longer than I expected and took much longer to write. At first, I serialized the first couple of chapters in smaller excerpts for WIP Weds on tumblr. It was fun to get a little feedback and the weekly deadline compelled me to write those chapters quickly. But when engagement dropped to basically nothing I stopped posting updates and waited to post each chapter to ao3 when it was done. My progress slowed down considerably, but the chapters got longer. I had fun, most of the time.

The Girl Who Traveled the Ways Between the Walls

4,938 words, gen, Animalis verse

Written for the 5k AU fic challenge. Luminous Creatures begins with Mara and Luke's daemons settling, and I regretted never writing a story with an unsettled daemon character. I wanted to write a fic with a fairy-tale vibe and I wanted to explore the weirdness of the Imperial Palace. The Palace becomes a fairy tale wood, and Mara sets off on a quest in which she encounters strange people who aid her or demand aid. Does she learn the right lesson in the end? Perhaps not.

Echo, Revenant, Targeter, Phoenix

15,431 words, gen, Winter Retrac character study

I wrote this one for the Star Wars Big Bang, an experience that ended up being so stressful that I dropped out. I still finished the fic on time and posted it. The fic attracted a modest number of readers (unsurprising given Winter has been basically forgotten these days), but their enthusiasm was very gratifying. I've always liked Winter and I wanted to give her a chance to shine.

However, while I love the worldbuilding and individual scenes and images in this fic, as a whole I don't think it's very gracefully written and I've never been very happy with it.

Cascade

3,429 words, mature, Luke/Mara

I wanted to include A Non-Zero-Sum Game in Vol II of my printed fic collection, but the series felt unfinished without the fourth and final story that I planned to write after Tether. So five years later, I finally wrote it. It was interesting to go back to those old fics and try to write a story that fit the series. I wanted to post it before the new year broke so that I could count it in the 2023 list, and I rushed to get it out. It could probably still use some work.

As the year went on, I failed to meet a lot of the arbitrary deadlines I set myself, and that made writing frustrating and unfulfilling. I don't want it to be like that! I want fic to be fun.

However, I have a lot of non-fandom projects coming up in 2024, and I'm going to have to shift my focus away from fic, at least a little bit.

GOALS FOR 2024

(almost exactly the same as the goals for 2023)

Triumvirate Finale! (explicit, very) The big finale of the Triumvirate series, in which the trio returns to Coruscant to face the Emperor. Doesn’t have a proper title yet. Progress so far: three chapters drafted, 15,410 words.

A Smuggler’s Guide to Joining the Rebellion (gen) The sequel to The Things You Find on Tatooine. Progress: the first chapter finished, 2,241 words.

Lando Calrissian and the Jewel of Andara (gen) The Lando and Mara heist romcom I’ve been promising forever. Progress: three chapters drafted, but in need of heavy revision, 6757 words.

Other fics on the backburner:

Courtship remix

Experiments

Daughter of the Rain and Snow

More daemon fic! 

[learnfromexperts]

Justin Bieber

Justin Drew Bieber (/ˈbiːbər/ BEE-bər; born March 1, 1994)[1][2] is a Canadian singer. Regarded as a pop icon, he is recognized for his multi-genre musical performances.[3][4][5] Bieber was discovered by American record executive Scooter Braun and signed with RBMG Records in 2008, gaining recognition with the release of his debut seven-track EP My World (2009) and soon establishing himself as a teen idol.

Bieber achieved commercial success with his teen pop-driven debut studio album, My World 2.0 (2010), which debuted atop the US Billboard 200, making him the youngest solo male act to top the chart in 47 years.[6] The album spawned the internationally successful single "Baby" (featuring Ludacris), which became one of the best selling singles of all time in the US.[7] His second studio album, Under the Mistletoe (2011), became the first Christmas album by a male artist to debut at number one in the US.[8] Bieber experimented with dance-pop in his third studio album, Believe (2012), and went on to become the first artist in history with five US number-one albums by the age of 18.[9] From 2013–14, Bieber was involved in multiple controversies and legal issues, which had a drastic impact on his public image.[10]

In 2015, Bieber explored EDM with Jack Ü as a lead vocalist on "Where Are Ü Now", which won the Grammy Award for Best Dance/Electronic Recording.[11][12] The song's musical direction played an instrumental role in his fourth studio album, Purpose, which produced three US number-one singles: "Love Yourself", "Sorry", and "What Do You Mean?". He became the first artist in history to occupy the entire top three of the UK Singles Chart.[13] Bieber diversified on numerous collaborations between 2016 and 2017, including DJ Khaled's "I'm the One" and his remix to Luis Fonsi's "Despacito"—both reaching number one on the US Billboard Hot 100 a week apart, making him the first artist in history to chart new number-one songs in consecutive weeks.[14] "Despacito" was named the greatest Latin song of all time by Billboard and earned Bieber his career-first Latin Grammy Award. In 2019, he released a country collaboration with Dan + Shay, "10,000 Hours", which won the Grammy Award for Best Country Duo/Group Performance.[15]

In 2020, Bieber released his R&B-inspired fifth studio album, Changes, which debuted at number one in both the UK and US, and a standalone duet with Ariana Grande, "Stuck with U", which debuted atop the US Billboard Hot 100.[16] Bieber returned to his pop roots on his sixth studio album, Justice (2021). It spawned the worldwide hit "Peaches" (featuring Daniel Caesar and Giveon) and debuted atop the US Billboard 200, making him the youngest soloist to have eight US number-one albums, a record held previously by Elvis Presley since 1965.[17] The same year, Bieber released "Stay" (with the Kid Laroi), which became his eighth US number-one single.[18]

Bieber is one of the best-selling music artists of all time, with estimated sales of over 150 million records worldwide. He is credited with four Diamond certifications from the RIAA.[19] He has received numerous accolades, including two Grammy Awards, one Latin Grammy Award, eight Juno Awards, two Brit Awards, one Bambi Award, 26 Billboard Music Awards, 18 American Music Awards, 22 MTV Europe Music Awards (the most wins for any artist), 23 Teen Choice Awards (the most wins for a male individual), and 33 Guinness World Records. Time named Bieber one of the 100 most influential people in the world in 2011, and he was included on Forbes' list of the top ten most powerful celebrities in 2011, 2012, and 2013

[ryttu3k]

Pink Floyd CD collection starting to take shape. I now have:

Meddle (2016 release)

Dark Side of the Moon (20th anniversary release, found at a second-hand CD sale for $2, still with three of the five postcards!)

Animals (2018 remix)

Wish You Were Here (2016 release)

Momentary Lapse of Reason (1987 release)

Delicate Sound of Thunder (1998 release)

Live at Knebworth (2021 release)

And now…

Echoes (2001 release)

Pulse (1995 release, LED very dead)

Still on my wishlist:

The Wall (I have… a 1990 Waters solo laserdisc version courtesy of my uncle lmao)

The Division Bell

The Endless River (yes I know but I like it)

Pulse (deluxe Bluray set)

Honestly would kill a man for a good complete version of the 1974 Wembley concerts, I know they released the DSotM bit but I desperately want Shine On You Crazy Diamond, Raving and Drooling, You've Got To Be Crazy, and the Echoes finale, it'll be 50 years in November and that's my birthday month, please, universe, can I get a version not split over three different album sets?

I do kind of covet the DSotM 50th anniversary box set but also it's over $500 and that is. A lot.