#2020 Can't come fast enough now!

[whirlybirbs]

BEYOND THE VOID — !

1. THE BEGINNING OF THE END.

( MASTERPOST   |   AO3  |    SPOTIFY ) summary: torn from time yet again, it's thursday. six months pass. while you grapple with a newfound uncanny ability to premeditate, loki grapples with the fact he's slipping back into his old self without you. enter brad wolfe. now playing:  a whole lots gonna change by weyes blood word count: 3.3k pairing: loki / f!reader, established in from the void, with love tags: enemies to friends to lovers, soulmates, we-are-in-love-in-the-future but how did that even happen, angst & comfort, redemption arc, lots of time travel, loki season 2 (2020) spoilers a/n: finally, they return in "beyond the void". i can't thank everyone enough for the unending enthusiasm for this little project of mine. it's fitting to have the first chapter release with an eclipse. this is for all of you :) the beautiful gif for this chapter is from this set by @tomshiddles.

"Okay."

"Okay."

There's a long stretch of silence between Darcy Lewis and Jane Foster. 

In the liminal stretch of the apartment building's hall, there's little sound except the loud drone of some horribly, desperately sad song beyond the door of Unit 1131. The two women share a long look with one another, and then Darcy gestures urgently to the door.

"Go ahead," she nudges her colleague. 

"What?" Jane asks in a harsh whisper, "No, you knock." 

"You were the one that said we needed to do an intervention—" Darcy argues back in an equally low tone.

"Oh, so now this is on me?" Jane fires back, "She's our friend—"

"Our friend who has been babbling nonsense about things that have not happened and has been seriously obsessing with that Low-key dude—" Darcy rushes out, bringing her face closer to Jane's, "I don't even know what we're walking into here!"

Jane inhales. She pinches her brow. With a long rub of her face, she exhales. Then, she knocks.

She gives Darcy a 'happy?' look before stepping back and crossing her arms.

Almost immediately, the music stops. There's the sound of a shuffle. A meow. And then, the door opens only wide enough that one exhausted eye can peak through the chained gap.

"Heeeeeeeeeey, girl!" Darcy chides, waggling her hands in the air, "Surprise!"

On the other side of the door, your heart clenches. 

It feels a little bit like a cruel joke, y'know?

All that wishing, begging, clawing to go home and — well... you are. You're home. You've been home. For six months, you've been home in New York City. You're back in that little studio apartment, with Sigurd, with your research, with your doctorate. 

ALL I WANT  TO DO IS  GO HOME.

You try your best to give both Darcy and Jane a smile, but it comes out mangled and exhausted and not quite right. You've been crying. Sort of par for the course these days.

"Oh, uh... Hi guys."

Sigurd meows.

"You got a sec?" Jane asks, raising a folder in her hands, "We, uh... Erik gave us some new anomaly data to look over and we figured... you're the one for the job! Y'know? It's... kinda... your thing... have you been crying?"

Your eyes dart between them both. You wet your lips.

"No. Nooo, no. It's..." your mouth hangs open as you search for a reason, "...Allergies."

There's a beat of embarrassing silence, and then Darcy moves fast as lightning. She wriggles her arm through the gap and unlocks the chain — almost as if this is definitely something she's mastered before — before pushing her way through the doorway of your apartment. Jane follows close behind, and Sigard squawks as he scurries away from underfoot. 

The infiltration is almost immediately regretted because... woah. 

Like, big woah.

Darcy has seen crazy. Like, she has an Uncle on her Dad's side who is totally in on the whole "they're coming for our thoughts" thing and does not leave the house without at least six layers of Great Value tinfoil stuffed under his baseball cap. She knows crazy. She works for Erik Selvig. 

But this?

This is, like, soooooo above her pay grade. 

Jane's jaw is slack. The folder is immediately forgotten on the kitchen island in favor of the wall-to-wall documentation of... whatever the hell this was. 

LOKI MISSING? in the center of it all, with string and equations and runes and news articles and tabloid pages. There's an alarming amount of photos of the God in question pinned up beside ramblings on... Time? And... Quantum mechanics...? 

There's another loooooong stretch of silence. And then, Darcy and Jane both turn slowly to look at you pressed against the door.

You swallow.

Your face is set in horror.

"It's not what it looks like—"

"Uh, dude, it totally is what it looks like—" Darcy starts, stepping closer to the board and pointing a black, manicured finger at a paparazzi photo of Loki being carted off from the now-Avengers Tower, "What's with all the Loki paraphernalia?! Need I post a lil' throwback Thursday to when he tried to kill us all?"

IT'S THURSDAY AGAIN.

You wince. "You wouldn't understand—"

Then, it happens.

The same thing you've experienced dozens upon dozens of times these last six months happens again: A rush of chatter in your mind, a cacophony of whispers that claw at your thoughts and flood them with has-beens and will-be's. A million things all at once, a little bit of everything from all of time, and then— one thread. One thread that stands out against them all. 

"Jane, don't."

Across the room, Jane's fingers pause on the contact number for that pretty S.H.I.E.L.D. agent they've met once or twice now — the one who is managing the Asgardian anomaly cases. With Loki missing, S.H.I.E.L.D. has been desperate to track him down. If this is a lead... If you know where he is...

Jane's face freezes.

Her brows knit.

Your face is split in panic. "I know you think calling Agent Hill is the right thing to do, but—"

"...How did you know I was...?" Jane's voice falls off, her eyes searching your face.

Your voice splinters as you step forward. "If you call Agent Hill, she is going to section our entire division within the week. Thor will be exiled from Earth on conspiracy four days later. We will sit in a cell for five years until they decide we have nothing to do with Loki's disappearance from Asgard."

Darcy's eyes bounce between you and Jane.

"Why are you saying all that like you know it's going to happen?" Jane asks slowly, putting her phone down and closing the gap between you. "Doc, what's going on?"

Your eyes flicker with fear. 

And then exhaustion. The walls you've built to keep this away from the others crumble with one worried look from Darcy, and you crumple against the kitchen counter. 

Your voice is far away.

"It all started that Thursday."

You thought it would be better now that someone knows. 

Truth be told it might be more trouble than it's worth if not to soothe the burden of secrecy — because Darcy keeps treating you like a Magic 8 Ball that, when shaken, is going to spit out readings on the future. 

It isn't that easy. I mean, if it was, you would have definitely done everything in your power to avoid the commute traffic this morning. 

You don't know why it happens. Or how. You have a theory it has something to do with Alioth, but... without any sort of control, there's no way of knowing. All you know is that in those moments, you're presented with a weave of potential sequences. And in those moments, you can choose to act. Or not. 

So far, acting seems to be the best course of action. 

But, yea, no. No fortune-cookie-level stuff. No crystal ball, no tarot cards. Just... weird time-whispers. And a migraine that seems to never go away. And dreams. Really vivid dreams. Dreams that happen? And dreams that don't.

If it was a horoscope sort of thing, maybe you wouldn't have missed your morning bus after waiting in line at that coffee shop three blocks down. They always make your coffee a little too bitter, but the girl behind the counter is an NYU grad student you recognized from a mechanical engineering lecture you sat in on three months ago. You've got a soft spot for her. She's always nice to that guy in the baseball cap who seems unhoused. 

You hope it all works out for her in the end. 

But, Christ this coffee is bitter. 

You buzz into Stark Labs at 9:37 am, and you're setting your stuff down at R&D by 9:43 am. 

Bruce Banner looks up briefly from his work to slide you a welcoming smile. You return it gently as you settle down on your stool and reacclimate yourself to last week's work. 

Mondays, man.

Tony is, as always, later than anyone else. His entrance is followed by the usual boisterous chatter meant as a morale booster. More often than not it's a genius-level comedy routine built on absolutely torturing Dr. Banner. You opt, more often than not, to refuse to enable the bad behavior. 

Any laughter is buried deep into these readings from the Tesseract. 

And so this has been home for the last four months. 

Avengers Tower. R&D. Erik Selvig's Research Team. Theoretical Physics and Quantum Mechanics. Day in, day out.

No TVA, no TemPads, no Sylvie, no Mobius, no Capybaras. 

...No Loki.

But, plenty of whispers. 

It rocks you out of your focus, iced latte halfway to your lips as you're rooted in this little pocket of voices and threads and whisps of time. There's a thousand, then a hundred, then one. 

Your voice is soft.

"Bruce, try the equation again."

From across the room, Tony's voice dies down and Bruce's eyes rise to meet yours. He points to himself, with a questioning raise of the brows.

You nod, then continue to take a sip of your coffee.

And so Bruce does. Wordlessly. And, after a minute, he looks up with a grin.

"So it was right."

"Woulda never known if Iron Dick over here didn't shut up for one second."

Tony's grin is bigger than Bruce's as he meanders over to your lab table and throws an arm around your shoulder. He squeezes you gently. You avoid his eye contact — and in doing so, you miss the momentary grace of concern. 

(Tony has known you for a few months now. He knows you adequately enough to gauge that your triple-shot espresso should have been a sextuple. The bags beneath your eyes are dark. There's an edge there. Something jumpy. You're exhausted.)

"Now, that was mean."

"You're torturing him," you fire back lightly, non-the-wiser to his scrutiny. 

"It's called exposure therapy—" Tony croons, leaning back and thumbing through some of the notes on your desk. You allow it. 

Good. Still sharp. Still better than anyone else at what you do. 

"Exposure to workplace terrorism?" You rib back with one cocked brow, "No offense, Bruce, but I like you better not green. Okay, Tony?"

"None taken!" Dr. Banner calls lightly from across the room. He's working on the second part of that equation now. 

"Sure, sure, alright, Doc," Tony heads your words, raising both hands and stepping back, "I guess someone hates fun."

"Absolutely," you say blankly, chewing your straw; you point at him, "No laughter."

"None," Tony waggles a finger.

"Not a peep," you remark causally as you spin in your stool and snag your pen from the drawer behind you. 

"Any news on the other green guy we hate?" Bruce asks slowly, eyes bouncing between you and Stark. 

Your blood goes a little cold. Just like always. It's hard not to react — especially when that other green guy is all you think about day and night.

WHEN YOU LOSE HIM YOU WILL DO ANYTHING TO GET HIM BACK. 

You wordlessly shake your head. You shrug. Bruce turns to Stark. Tony is hunched over his bench. His words are a bit muffled by the soldering project he's turned his attention to. 

"None. According to Thor he just up and poofed. He was in the middle of atoning before the Buckingham of Asgard and... just warped on out."

So you've heard.

"Hill has been working every lead she can but... the Asgardians are a little touchy-feely on the whole 'earthlings in the domain of the Gods' thing."

"Understandable," you mutter absently.

Tony sits up. "Only time will tell."

...Indeed.

Home.

Unit 1131. 

Lonely.

It wasn't before all this... It was full to the brim with contentment. It was comfort, it was bliss. It was indulgent mornings slept beneath the covers and bright music in the kitchen. Cheap wine from the liquor shop on the corner and homemade meals. It was "I finally made it". 

Now, it's none of that.

Because he's out there — and you know that you don't belong here anymore.

You drop your bag by the door. 

Your boots follow in a trail. 

Sigurd mews expectantly, and you scoop him wordlessly into your arms as you weave through the chaos of papers and books. Your carpet is hidden beneath a layer of obsession masquerading as research.

But, there's one thing that pulls you back in each time.

It's that photo. 

The one Darcy had pointed at earlier.

Loki is being carted off from the now-Avengers Tower. He's looking back at something, and his expression is broken.

It's you.

You know he's pleading with Thor at that moment through a muzzle, desperate to call your name. He's looking at you, being whisked away by S.H.I.E.L.D. as they clear the area, and your voice is silenced by grief. 

You wish you had called out to him then — told him you'd find him again. 

Regret is a hell of a thing.

Grief, too. 

How do you mourn something you never really had? Not here, not in this timeline. 

So you stand there, in the dim lights of your apartment, staring at the photo. And you cry. Just like every night, for the last six months.

In your desk, that magical little daisy made of grass waits.

If they find Sylvie, they find you.

That's the mission.

Mobius M. Mobius thinks it's funny — back then, man if only he would have known that lil' hunch of his was right. Maybe a part of him did. And... Now? Things are different. I mean, everything is different. The TVA is different. 

Loki is different.

They say to be loved is to be changed an' all that. 

The first thing out of Loki's mouth was your name when Mobius finally saw him again — and then a word vomit of panic, induced by the death of He Who Remains and... time-slippage as OB called it. Lotsa moving parts. Lots to keep track of. But, ultimately, they're in a better spot than they were yesterday. 

1.) Loki is no longer falling through the metaphorical cracks in time. 

2.) Mobius did not get toasted alive when standing before The Loom.

3.) He never, ever, ever has to do that again.

And now!

They're in London. 

1977, huh. Zaniac. 

If they find Sylvie, they find you.

...Unless you find him first.

Loki isn't exactly thrilled. 

No, Loki knows better than to get his hopes up. Sylvie isn't here. He already told Mobius that. It's too safe. It's a damned movie premiere. There are no radiation burns, no falling stars, and no rampant gunfire. It's too quiet. 

It's a movie premiere and you're out there, somewhere, alone. You're... you're lost. He can't protect you here. He can't protect anything. You... You're all he has and you're gone. 

And he's here, wasting his damn time. 

Brad Wolfe is about to waste more of his time. 

Loki's gaze is sharp. His strides are long, and as they approach the fray, the God stands amongst the tallest of guests. He cuts a mean profile. It's times like these that Mobius remembers he is a God.

(It's times like these that Mobius can also see the ever-increasing edge in his partner-in-time. It's a little... worrisome. But understandable. I mean, rip a God's soulmate from his hands and see what happens, right?)

"So, he's an actor now?" Loki comments off-handedly, his irritation grating his heartstrings in a way that reminds him of who he was before all this. He hates it. But, he's angry. He will get you back. Without you...

Without you, he doesn't know what he'll do.

"Or he's undercover."

As they weave, Loki's brows knot in distrust. "Looks pretty real to me."

It smells like cigarettes and perfume, and the flashbulbs bite sharply into Loki's peripherals. The raven-haired trickster winces, tucking his hands into his slacks. 

On the red carpet, X-5 moves from interview to interview. Occasionally his laughter rises above the clamor. Each time, Loki's nostrils flare and he rolls his eyes. 

It's when he reaches the end of the line that Mobius moves in. 

"Will there be a Zaniac Two?" 

The look on Brad's face says enough for Mobius to know there's more going on here than just an undercover bit. Brad's laugh, as equally pained as his smile, just cements the fact. 

"Mobius! Woah!" A clap on the shoulder, a big hug. "I used to work with this guy!"

Still a show. Still a weasel trying to survive on his little slice of time. 

"We're going to need to catch up," he begins, backing up slowly, "You know, why don't we chat after the show?"

"How about now, maybe?" Mobius counters just as Brad turns on his heel and comes face to face with Loki. 

The God sneers.

"Woah. Okay, ha, whole gangs here!" he chirps, "Isn't that... great? Wow. I mean, you look — you look great, Loki."

"Why thank you, Brad."

Brad's eyes are manic, and he's searching the crowd quickly — no doubt looking for an exit. Then, they catch something. When Brad claps his hands together and pats them on both Loki and Mobius' shoulders, the two TVA agents pause.

"Everything alright?" Loki asks, head tilting in faux concern.

"Everything is great, actually, because when I was here," he begins, words quick and anxious as he tries to weave some sort of story, "I met a mutual friend!"

"Sylvie?" Mobius asks tightly.

"No, no, uh, better—"

Loki's jaw tightens. Enough of this. "We have some mutual friends back at the TVA who would like a word, as well—"

"Doc!" calls Brad after finally finding her in the sea of people, turning on his heel and calling out over his shoulder, "I got people I need you to meet!"

And just like that, it's like Loki's whole world splits wide open again.

In the fray of photographers and journalists, in the fray of drinks and the haze of smoke, there's you. You're smiling at Brad, positively beaming. You're bright as a star and Gods, there's no one in the room when you step forward with a laugh.

Your dress is green. Your hair is different.

There's a beauty mark on your left cheek. His version of you has a scar that lies there. A mistimed gift from Sylvie before their period on Lamentis. 

"Doc, these are some of my friends from work," Brad points, his hand falling along your waist in a way that makes Loki's blood boil; the ex-TVA Hunter leans close to your cheek, "They're the real deal."

You laugh into your drink, then extend your hand to Mobius. He's trying his best to hide his growing dread. "It's a pleasure."

Mobius takes it and shakes it gently. "And how do you have the pleasure of knowing our starlet, Brad?"

Damn it. He's losing Loki in real time here.

"Doc here did all the practical effects on set for Zaniac," Brad's eyes connect with Loki's — but the God is focused on only you... Her. Until Wolfe digs in with a low murmur meant to do just what it does, "She's a real wiz with her hands."

The God's face snaps. He will kill Brad, he decides. But, then this other-you moves to offer her hand and he can't help but melt. 

His fingers are trembling when he touches her skin. 

"Have we met before?" comes the soft lilt of her voice — this Variant's eyes are brown. They search Loki's face for a shred of recognition but all that's there between the two of them is raw attraction. A law of time and space unhindered by meddling hands. No matter where, no matter when, you will find one another.

Loki's mouth is dry. Your lipstick shade is a dark rogue. He thinks about that kiss back in the Void. He's stuck there, with your hand in his, when Brad bolts.

Her face contorts in confusion. She pulls away. But, Loki lingers. 

He has to... He...

He needs you back. 

Now. 

[unforth]

We are one Iowa caucus into the absolute shitshow that is going to be the US 2024 elections, and I'm already sick of seeing takes downplaying the risk that Trump and his fascist followers represent.

Look. Around 1900, my mother's grandparents immigrated to the Lower East Side of New York City. They brought with them children born in Europe (Poland? Ukraine? which country they were in depends on what year we're talking about) - we're not 100% sure they were THEIR children, even, but there were three, and they were young, and they came. But my great-grandparents had siblings, parents, cousins, uncles, aunts, huge families. And while my understanding is that an attempt was made to convince those folks to move to the US, none of them ultimately opted to.

They all kept in touch as they were able, exchanging letters and pictures, but through World War 1, through the 20s, through the Great Depression, through the worsening situation in Europe in the 1930s, my entire extended family who chose not to immigrate...continued to stay.

I think we all know how this story ends.

I have an entire family photo album of people whose names I will never know, because after every single one of them died in the Holocaust, my great-grandparents and grandparents couldn't bear to even label them. And they were PEOPLE, poor, vibrant, eager to maintain connections with their loved ones abroad. One was a Klezmer musician, and we have photos of him with all the different instruments he played. They're so real on the page, and they all ended in ashes.

And you know how that started? Fascism started with every inch allowed, with every well-intentioned moderate who tried to maintain a middle position even as the whole ground shifted right beneath their feet and even "middle" became extreme, every "no that change isn't coming fast enough, I want instant full improvement NOW" liberal who felt that doing nothing was better than accepting a slower improvement in the (truly awful!) post-World War 1 living situation in Germany.

Most of the members of my extended family also downplayed the risks. They never imagined that the worst could happen to them. They never fathomed how bad things could become.

And now I have their example always before me to know and to scream:

I KNOW HOW BAD THINGS CAN BECOME. I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FAMILY THEN.

I WILL NOT LET THAT HAPPEN TO MY FAMILY NOW.

People look at me like I'm crazy when I say I've got our passports ready (and have had since before the 2020 election).

Look. I don't know what will happen if Trump is elected, but there's a very real possibility he will, and he's been extremely clear about saying what he'll do. He did a lot of the things he said he'd do last time. I expect he'll continue to do the things he says he'll do. And the things he say he'll do will lead to the deaths of more people than we can imagine - in the US, in Palestine, throughout the world.

Don't tell me there's a middle ground here. Don't tell me I'm over-reacting. Don't tell me the worst won't happen. Don't tell me the risk is mild. Don't tell me we're safe.

We. Are. Not. Safe.

The lives of dozens, hundreds, of members of family were lost in the 1940s amid the horrifying statistic "6,000,000 dead Jews."

I will not let my life (as a Jew), my wife's life (as a disabled woman), my son's life (as a biracial boy), my daughter's life (as a biracial trans girl), be part of the statistics that come from our a second Trump presidency.

If you won't vote like YOUR life depends on it, vote like someone ELSE'S life depends on it, because IT DOES.

And if you can't even do that much, at least shut the fuck up and stop spreading your poison around. You're wrong. The danger is real. Downplaying it now won't make your conscience feel any clearer when it actually happens, and comforting everyone else downplaying it will just make you that much more complicit.

[dessertgeek]

The Twitter Mari Lwyd saga (2019 - part two)

Since people seem to be happy that I'm copying over the Mari Lwyd sagas, have another transcription! This is for the second round of 2019, between @seananmcguire and @kbspangler. Part one is here, the source to this round starts here.

(Seriously, these aren't mine, they're the property of @seananmcguire, @tkingfisher, + @kbspangler, I'm just transcribing so extra records exist. Support their works!)

That being said, if anyone can find the 2020 Twitter thread, can you send me a link so I can transcribe it (or transcribe it and link me)? It has been found! Thanks to @dor-min for finding the thread, it's going to take me a bit to transcribe.

CWs for food, alcohol, and caps.

K.B.: SO YOU SAY YOU WANT A BATTLE? YOU'RE BRINGING NAUGHT BUT PRATTLE TO THIS FESTIVE DAY WE DESIGNATE WITH LIGHTS AND FOOD TO CELEBRATE THE SOLSTICE, DEAR, WITH ME AND MINE AND YOU AND YOURS AND HIS AND HERS AND THEIRS AND OURS A BREAKING DAY A FRESH NEW YEAR WE CALL SPRING UP AGAIN

Seanan: WE'RE PAST THE LONGEST NIGHT AND I'M ITCHING FOR A FIGHT IF YOU'RE COLD, WE'RE COLD, SO LET US IN. WE HEARD YOUR LARDER'S STOCKED, SO GET READY TO GET ROCKED THIS TALE'S OFTEN TOLD WE ALWAYS WIN.

K.B.: YOU SAY YOU'LL FIGHT THIS GARDNER'S MIGHT?! THE GROUND IS COLD MY PLANTS ASLEEP I'VE GOT ENOUGH STRESS TO PUNCH A SHEEP I AM WIGGING TO GO DIGGING AND HERE YOU COME TO STEAL MY PLUMS?

Seanan: I DON'T WANT YOUR PLUMS THE MARI LWYD COMES TO SAMPLE YOUR CHEESE AND YOUR BOOZE. YOUR GARDEN IS SLEEPING SO WHY ARE YOU KEEPING A SENTRY POST YOU DIDN'T CHOOSE? COME WASSAIL WITH US. THERE'S NO NEED TO FUSS. THERE'S NO SHAME IN CHOOSING TO LOSE.

K.B.: I'M NOT YET CONVINCED A DEAD HORSE HAS ENVINCED THE SPIRIT OF THIS WINTER'S PAST CAN YOU SWEETEN THE DEAL WITH A CAROLING PEAL? THEN MY GARDEN WILL HAVE TO HOLD FAST

Seanan: WE ARE NOT RETREATIN' THIS HORSE WON'T BE BEATEN, IT A BATTLE OF HOOVES VERSUS HANDS. THE JINGLE OF BELLS IS A SOUND THAT FORETELLS OUR CONQUEST OF ALL OF THESE LANDS.

K.B.: THEN I GOTTA SAY NO SORRY, CAN'T GO YOU SEEM LIKE A NICE HORSE AND ALL BUT MY HOUSE IS QUITE HAUNTED AND I AM UNDAUNTED BY YET ONE MORE SPECTRAL ODDBALL

Seanan: IT'S NOT REALLY RESPECTFUL TO SAY THAT I'M SPECTRAL. I'M CORPOREAL AS A GIRL COMES. YOU CAN PURCHASE MORE CHEESE SO JUST GIVE ME THESE. DON'T FORCE ME TO BREAK OUT THE DRUMS.

K.B.: (My parents are about to arrive so)

FINE, I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE BIRD, DOG, OR MARE ON THIS DAY WE'RE SUPPOSED TO EMPLOY THE LOVE OF THE SEASON SO HERE, HAVE SOME CHEESE IN PRECUT SIXTY-FOUR SLICES OF JOY

Seanan: DESPITE THIS GRAVE LOSS, YOU'RE A SHEPHERD TO MOSS, AND I AM A CHILD OF THE GRAVE. SO I'LL GO NOW IN PEACE, AND I WON'T BREAK YOUR LEASE, THOUGH YOU DIDN'T ASK ME TO BEHAVE.

K.B.:

[Alt ID: A small Black child in a crowd. The child takes off his black baseball cap as if to say "I tip my hat to you dear sir," which has RE2PECT embroidered on it in white thread.]

[thatscarletflycatcher]

There's something that has been gnawing at me since I saw some comments on the look-how-they-massacred-them poll for Daniel Sousa -with which I didn't want to engage then and there because I really didn't want to pick up a fight with another Daniel fan, there's few enough of us, but also because the argument was very difficult to articulate.

It is difficult to explain how Daniel Sousa is screwed over by Endgame without making it look like either "he deserved Peggy as a prize" or "he was the perfect prize for Peggy", because it all begins by understanding the experience of WWII and the building of the morale of WWII. Something that Markus and McFeely seemed to perfectly understand in Agent Carter, which inclines me to believe it was specific insistence of the Russos, whose concept of narrative and storytelling is at the level of a belligerent and not very bright 4 year old, that gave us that mindblowingly stupid "happy ending" for Cap and Peggy. Or maybe Markus and McFeely are just arcane creatures, at times intelligent and at times really dumb. Anyways.

Point is that both CATFA and Agent Carter understand that for these characters, fighting WWII is a matter of "each doing their bit", of, as Steve put it in The Avengers, to lay on the barbed wire so the one that comes after you can pass on. And in the process of doing that, you have great loses and suffer great grief. The price of war is immense, and for these people the price of war is the price of freedom (yes, that celebrated Steve speech from CATWS is also sharing in that same spirit. It's kind of impressive how until that awful mess of Endgame, the perspective of Steve as a character from movie to movie is one that addresses how some 1940s things are outdated, but how many others are still relevant and inspiring. It is a surprisingly nuanced take on History, that of course the Russo "Cap is an outdated relic that belongs in the past and should stay there" brothers don't seem to have what's needed to grasp).

In that context, the most coherent tone for Steggy is tragedy. Because that is what happened to many, many, many people during the war. You meet, you fall in love fast, because there is no time. And then suddenly the other is gone, never to come back. And all the promises of youth and life and future the other person represented, are gone with them. People who lived through 2020-2022 have some idea of what it is like for projects, opportunities, and years of your life to just vanish. Now you make that five years, eight months, and to mention "just" the British, 1 out every 100 people live in 1939, dead, and over 350.000 permanently disabled. If you were 20 in 1939, your life would be practically on hold till you were 26. It's a whole lot of grief, and an intense grief, that you don't solve the way you solve a random missing connection in a romcom like Serendipity or The Lake House. Doing so is cheapening and bastardizing the grief and trauma of a whole generation of people in different countries.

So, Agent Carter. Here we have a story focused on a group of people, spies, who, in different fronts and with different outcomes, made it through the war and are now facing this new world they are living in, and all the grief of their respective losses. The focus of the story is Peggy, a woman who, like many others, was allowed a wide range of action during the war, and is now subconsiously perceived as a threat by many of her male coworkers. It's a desperate bid to "go back to the way things were before", and her presence is a constant reminder that they can't.

Sousa occupies a very similar position to Peggy's: he's also a reminder that the war happened and that there is no way back, no magic solution, no pretending. And that's why both are ignored, and displaced, and why both struggle to prove themselves in a subconscious way while living by the continued principle that they are doing their bit. That is their lifeline that keeps them sane and working all throughout s1 of Agent Carter.

That's what we mean when we say Peggy and Sousa are equals, and that Sousa is contented with letting her have the spot; not because he's her inferior or her dependant, but because he's her equal -in intelligence, in ideals, in resourcefulness, in loyalty, but also in their relative positions in the power ladder- and does not feel threatened by her because of it.

(It is in this context, btw, that Peggy's rebuke of Daniel's "rescue" of her in the first episode must be understood. Because she was once treated like any other officer/agent of her same rank, she has knee jerk reactions to both being demeaned and being protected. It's also an important theme of that beginning of the series that Peggy needs to learn to let her friends in, and that she needs their help, and that that doesn't make her too weak to protect and defend them.)

But also, in another way, when we talk about Sousa becoming Peggy's husband, it has to do with the sentiment Krezminsky expresses in the series:

The ship of Steggy had sailed and was gone forever since the moment Steve became the legend in the ice and Peggy "Cap's Girl", this embodiment of the ridiculous damsel in distress we hear in the radio drama that plays on one of the episodes: Peggy fell in love with Steve when he was a scrawny, sickly lad, because she loved the man he was inside, but now forever for the world she is just another superficial, weak girl lusting after the handsome godlike rescuer, the picture of the eugenic dream of the übermensch. In Daniel Peggy loves and finds all the same things she found and loved in Steve, but in a different light, because Sousa is a different person, with a different life story, plus something else: they have both gone through war and its loss and grief, and come to the other side in need of rebuilding and finding new meaning in life and hope for the future.

In a world where the Dark, Tall and Handsome Hero of the Six Pack, Alpha Dominance and Endless Stamina reigns supreme, Sousa as a love interest is a remarkable and -sadly- bold statement about the things that truly matter in finding one's life partner.

So I think here is a reasonable point to start talking about Sousa in Agents of SHIELD. Because here's where someone would rationally say "well, but you see, there he's also chosen as a love interest!", and the reasons why context in AoS changes everything are multiple, so let's go there.

But before that, let me make clear that I do wholeheartedly believe the writers of AoS meant to honor Sousa, and sincerely tried to do their best with what they were given. That doesn't change what the end product ended up doing and saying about him.

Like Peggy is the main character of Agent Carter, so Daisy is the main character of Agents of SHIELD. As much as you can say all the team characters are important and get the focus, Daisy is the one which the narrative insists on making the focal point, as the arcs of several seasons hinge on her, and we are expected to sympathize with her first and foremost in any situation in which she is personally involved. But unlike Peggy, Daisy is a superpowered individual. She's more like Steve than Peggy; she's practically a demigod. She is capable of ripping Earth apart with just her hands. Where Peggy and Sousa were equals in the power ladder in-universe, in AoS the distance between Daisy and Sousa is abysmal. That imbalance is the first thing that leads to Sousa being put in the position of Daisy's Boy. The fact that he ends up in space with Daisy's last minute sister who is ALSO an inhuman does not help things.

As a side note, there's something to be said about futuristic prosthetics in AoS and how they interesect with disability. But I'd rather not get into it because it is a thorny subject and I don't feel qualified to speak of it.

In a different way, Daniel being Peggy's love interest in Agent Carter is balanced out by his having a life of his own and many interactions with other characters throughout the series. He pursues his own lines of investigation, he conducts interrogations of his own, he comes up with plans, he teams up with Krezminsky and with Thompson and in s2 he has downright made a life for himself as chief in California with a fiancé and all. There is a clear sense that he exists as a character outside of pining for Peggy.

In AoS, the opposite happens. Part of it is owed to the writers writing themselves into a corner: to take Sousa out of his timeline, they have to do it in such a way that his disappearance is inconspicuous, which means killing him. They do it the best way they can think of, honoring his alertness and intelligence, by making him realize HYDRA is infiltrated in SHIELD decades before anyone else does. But as a consequence, Sousa becomes the man out of time: there's no future for him, because he has died, and unlike Steve, he's not being brought back because he himself is required. They just save him because they take pity on him and the tragedy of his life. So he has no mission and no significant previous connection with anyone on the team. One of the concrete things in which this is evidenced the most is with the switch from being addressed as chief Sousa to Agent Sousa. He was chief, but between that SHIELD and this SHIELD there's not such a connection by which he can claim that title. There's no subordinates to manage. So he's sort of default-called agent without really being a proper agent.

So the writers choose the fish-out-of-water concept for him. Which is far fetched. This guy lived through wwii in a high spy setting where intelligence has knowledge of powerful interstellar aliens. He's most definitely not bewildered by phone cameras, guys. He would quickly adapt... if, again, you know, he was brought back for a mission. But the reality is that from a Doylist POV, he was brought in to be Daisy's love interest, and the only thing he can offer to her, in this huge power imbalance I have pointed out, is chivalrous manners and quaint WWII style references like when he tells her "Agent Johnson, we are going home"; both can be very charming to a modern woman, but they are things that highlight the cultural and psychological distances that separate them, and make it glaringly obvious that they have barely anything in common.

The series tries desperately to give them common ground in the time-loop episode, with this idea that Daisy is like Peggy because she sacrifices herself for others and to protect others all the time. Which is laughable because, again, in Daisy's condition of beloved main character that embodies the tortured, quasi byronic heroine that we understand to be the hallmark of about one half of the contemporary superhero type, the narrative and the characters in it bend all sorts of ways to accommodate her, not the other way around. Peggy's type is different because it is rooted in that WWII morale/frame I was talking about at the beginning of the post.

As a consequence of all of this, Sousa barely interacts with anyone that isn't Daisy (he has of personal scenes, what? one or two with Coulson, the scene where Jemma gives him a new prosthetic, and then he's given an idea to give to Mac in the finale. I don't remember any other non-Daisy ones), has no unique role to fulfill in the mission (specially because so much of the plan is entwined in Fitz and Jemma's rescue plan that was NOT counting with Sousa) and no personal goal to achieve, which weakens his standing as a character outside the romance plot, and when it comes to the romance plot, he has nothing in common with Daisy, and he brings nothing to the partnership other than... narratively forced love, and chivalrousness.

In the end, Daniel, who was a character and a person of relevance in Agent Carter, is nerfed and turned into a prop for the rushed happily ever after of the main character of AoS. And that, in my books, is being screwed over. That's what makes his becoming Peggy's husband and building a life and a future with her a much better and more preferable outcome for Daniel; he gets to build a life of meaning by his own significant work and significant connections, in his own time and place, with a wife who is his equal and with other people that have lived through the same collective experiences of trauma and grief he did.

[sergeifyodorov]

would u do a little analysis of how each team has done so far this season … i trust ur opinions so much

EACH team okay... under the cut bc i am not subjecting the masses to 32 nasty little thots cody edition

Bruins: RIP patrice of course but the bruins are steamrolling as ever... i think that if there is any evidence of the universe simply not caring abt good things it is that the bruins slip and stumble and have some of their best players retired and still manage to put up a 50 win season every year. <- salty leafs fan but ANYHWAY the bruins are easily a Playoff Team. simply "there" 5v5, strong power play, they make their money off finishing (pastrnak you filthy animal) and goaltending (swaymark you filthy animals). they have been trending downwards of late so i'm not entirely sure of like their final standings place but with this kind of head start they're staying up.

Sabres: currently in what we the people call a "decade of darkness." might be a "two decades of darkness" if we're going to be honest. the active player with the most playoff points with the sabres is tyler myers. 7 points. yeah the tall one most famous for having a subreddit that posts the gamescore card every time he's on the bottom of the gamescore card. sabres are really hard to fix because their first real step to contention is "hoping devon levi turns out really good." not promising. bad enough that by selling a piece or two celebrini is in sight. maybe that'll help? a third 1OA?

Red Wings: presenting the mid-season Season Ruining Unforced Error Award early by saying: not that they were going to be as good as their first few games of sniping suggested, but signing patrick kane tanked any realistic hope they have of playoffs. is patrick kane good? he's actually alright. maybe this time the surgery worked. is the team made better by having him on it? it surely isn't! a few REALLY BADLY TIMED dylan larkin based misfortunes have made it go from bad to worse. they were in A2 like a month ago and now they're Out. strengths: finishing. weaknesses: everything else, including morale.

Panthers: okay you've probably clocked this by now but ive been Generally Salty so far and that is bc a) im easily tempted to haterhood and b) currently discussing each team in the atlantic which does nothing to make me less Tempted To Haterhood. that being said the panthers are Good and For Real About It. they can do everything except finish chances, which is fine when the other team has way fewer chances than you and your goalie doesn't let any of them in. fuck ALLL the way off. place your bets on these guys having a deep playoff run. cross your fingers for them not having a deep playoff run i can't stand chuckyposting again it's RAN ITS COURSE. (also: machuk is probably still injured and absolutely Not doing as well as he did the last few seasons. maybe because he's just not that kind of guy but it's probably at least mostly the broken chest thing)

Canadiens: they are bad EXCEPT when it comes to overtime + the shootout. also much like the sabres they're going nowhere fast. i expect at least one of their goalies to be gone at the deadline... furthermore i think ppl who are ragging on slaf's slow development are simply expecting all 1OAs to be like an auston or a connor type (pick your connor) where they come in and immediately adapt -- slaf rings very reminiscent of quinton byfield to me, who was picked 2OA in 2020 and is only now starting to break out. give him time he's a baby...

Senators: despite how much literally everyone talks up all their players constantly, they are not good either. like the sabres or the habs... atlantic is 4 teams in the genuine hunt, 3 teams who suck and have sucked forever and will suck forevermore, and the red wings who haven't made up their minds yet. the sens actually Do have a singular Biggest Problem though and that's goaltending, but they're not a good enough team otherwise that getting a quality goaltender is going to make them playoffs worthy, especially not in the very short (this-season) run.

Lightning: the lightning are weird to me because like i think they're still making up their mind as A People what they want to do. kucherov is the best player in the league rn, this is stamkos' ufa season and he hasn't been offered an extension, vasilevskiy is back and vasying his levskiy... i fully believe they have the capability of getting a playoff spot, maybe even A3 if they want. we've all seen them in the playoffs, we know how they can turn ~It~ on at will. as always they're a deeply mid 5v5 team powered by very strong special teams... the goaltending numbers say goaltending is shit but they've been playing in front of the genuinely unplayable jonas johansson most of the season so i think it'll be fine.

Maple Leafs: as the team ive watched the moast i can talk about these guys for evar so for all of our sanities i will be brief: Auston Matthews, Baby, Look At Him, That's Auston, Auston Motherfucking "Sexy Mustached Bitch" Matthews!!!!!!! powered by an extremely strong power play and very good offence, and defence and goaltending that is held together by Morgan Rielly and a dream. possibly the only reason they're in a playoff spot is the fact that martin jones didn't get claimed on waivers three months ago and i am being dead serious about that. for some reason they're at their best when they're down by two. they do really need both their #1 goalie to come back from injury and to make a splash for a genuine nhl-calibre defenceman, but they're stubbornly determined to win games even through nasty flu.

Hurricanes: their usual selves -- analytics darlings, can't buy a goal. this year they can't buy a save either -- Freddie is out with a medical condition, Raanta is straight up not good, and Kochetkov is... well, he's Kochetkov. they're not far out of a spot but they'll need a hot hand if they want to get comfy... which i don't expect, frankly. they're good enough to make the playoffs, but they're not really a team that goes on heaters, so they'll be bubble until the end.

Blue Jackets: genuinely not sure they know what they're doing like... okay. from an outside pov they are obviously Tanking. they're bad in every way that matters except for finishing and the standings show it. but also like... they're at the point in their development cycle where they shouldn't be tanking... or at least are on the verge of Shouldn't Be Tanking. and again, because they don't know what they're doing, they hired mike babcock for this... if they know what they're doing they'll toss kekalainen as soon as they can and, following this year's draft, start Fighting. but let's be real i doubt that. adam fantilli it's your time to shine... sorry sweetheart!

Devils: see Hurricanes. Great on paper, can't buy a save. They've obviously been stunted by Timo, J'accuse, and Nico all being injured at various points, but goaltending is their biggest and most solvable problem. Unlike the Hurricanes, though, the Devils are fully capable of going on a heater, so the gap between them and WC2 isn't as big as it looks (probably.) Luke Hughes is going to be something special.

Rangers: Looks like Lafreniere is finally getting his feet under him -- but the Rangers have always been far more about getting old, known players to get a second wind with them than they've been about prospect development, and Quick and Wheeler are both showing this pretty definitively. Another one of those teams that's run by special teams and finishing/goaltending. Easy playoff spot, likely solid run. Nothing too interesting here.

Islanders: On the other hand, the Isles are interesting because... like... how did they get There? They have a negative goal differential, for heaven's sake! Their special teams are godawful, their defence is a sieve, they blow leads like that's what actually gets you points in this league, and they're somehow second in the Metropolitan??????? Is it Horvat? Barzal? Sorokin? (It's probably Sorokin.) They'll make the playoffs but i doubt they'll succeed in them.

Flyers: This one's also weird. They have the power play and offence of a peewee team in the big leagues, but have become defensively Actually Super Competent and are somehow good because of this? I'm going to theorize -- because you've asked me to but also because I really want to -- that this is due, at least in part, to somewhat of an inverse Kane-on-the-Red-Wings effect from their offseason removal of Provorov and DeAngelo; without them, the team is now not only better defensively on paper but also better as a team in the locker room. They're [uncle voice] playing with heart now! I doubt they're a real contender, but I think they might actually make playoffs.

Penguins: ...this one's also weird. They're good on paper. Like, really good on paper? Defensively "just okay" but offensively great, goaltending is fantastic, special teams are shutdown. They just can't buy a goal and they can't buy a good sequence.

Capitals: This one's weird, too, but in the opposite way -- aside from the power-play, the Caps are actually godawful on paper, especially when it comes to finishing (because when Ovechkin takes such a high percentage of your shots but he isn't scoring, your team REALLY suffers) but somehow they've managed to pinpoint sequencing luck (win close, lose ugly) and are somehow in WC1. Do I think they'll make the playoffs? Absolutely not -- if either the Devils or Canes step up, the Caps are the odd man out -- but it might be fun to see them try. Or hell, I hope they win-close-lose-ugly their way to a goddamn Cup final. Would be funny as fuck for Ovi's second-longest ever playoff run to come at the fresh young age of thirty-eight. Dude looks ragged out there. I'm going to shut up now before I start talking about finding him sexy

Coyotes: Simple on paper: bad at running play, good goaltending and finishing. Essentially what the Canucks are doing at a smaller scale. The Leafs should never have let Kerfoot walk and I mean that unironically. Okay, anyway, the Yotes are a bubble team and won't make higher than WC1 because of the logjam at the top of the Central, but holy fuck do I want them to make WC1 (or a playoff spot in general.) People ask "how can we grow the game" a lot, and when it comes to what the NHL can do directly, the number one biggest thing is win in small markets. Arizona has already created one of the sports' biggest stars -- Auston! -- and it's an absolutely massive TV market and a potential hotbed of new fans and new, great players. Arizona making a playoff spot -- or even better, going on a run -- would be amazing for the NHL. And it would be funny. And I would like that.

Blackhawks: shoutout to dave !!! dave who works for the hawks!!! anyway the hawks are very obviously tanking and good at it. Their only real point of interest is their Sacred Child, and holy fuck is their Sacred Child going to absolutely fucking smash it when he's given a team that's not entirely made up of scrubs. i think his analytics, especially his defensive numbers, are, like, fine? but accounting for his leverage (all situations, especially the difficult ones), his teammates (his best linemate is Anthony Beauvillier, and tito... is a third liner), and the fact that he's all of eighteen, he's definitely on track to be a Real Force. i kinda love him... okay moving on.

Avalanche: All-over good: finishing their biggest obvious strength, but hockeywise they don't have any real weaknesses... although there is some serious Drama brewing in that locker room and i think it might just be getting started. with landeskog gone for at least until the end of this year (and possibly forever) and ej a sabre, there is absolutely no one in there capable of actually emotionally running a team: makar lacking in a leader's magnetism, rantanen an idiot, toews and mackinnon far too high-strung and competitive, and no one else with seniority. they're a good enough team that it's not really affecting them right now, but ... i don't know, i can kind of feel it coming. They'll make the playoffs, but when the pressure is on they'll either step up or completely fall apart.

Stars: See above: all-over good, but saving their biggest obvious weakness. I think most of this is spurred by Otter being out -- Wedgewood is a serviceable backup goaltender, but obviously not capable of being a real starter, and the team is stuttering because of it. I doubt it'll be for long or too much difficulty (they're a good defensive team, so it's not going to affect them a lot, but they might lose a game or two they might have won with Otter, especially if he's out for a while), but it's going to keep them from taking a step on top of the Central. Easy playoff team, probable contender.

Wild: They are bad! Penalty kill is their worst weakness, but they're not great in goal either and the combination is kicking their ass. As much as I respect how well they've done with that giant cap-space penalty from the Parise/Suter buyouts all those years ago, it's... kind of time to throw in the towel. Get Flower those final few wins, because by god are they devoid of much other success. Right at the tail of a competitive arc. RIP. Tank incoming.

Predators: Weirdly good, even though Saros hasn't been his usual self? O'Reilly esp has been an absolutely fantastic addition for the team over the offseason. No huge strengths, no significant weaknesses. Not an amazing offensive team, but it's Nashville so they were never going to be -- the place practically breeds defensive forwards and all-around dmen. I don't expect they'll seriously contend, but they'll make the playoffs (unless someone offers the farm for Saros).

Blues: I genuinely think so little about the Blues .... that whole thing with Jordan Kyrou has been the most I've thought about them for a bit. That and the fact that only three of their games haven't been decided by the first goal? They're not good and they're really boring. Yeehaw.

Jets: THE JETS let's get JUICY. Jets' biggest strengths by far are a) 5v5 defence and b) finishing/goaltending. Even with Kyle Connor out they're sniping and Hellebuyck and Brossoit are both absolutely on it. The Jets have always seemed to have this problem where on paper (take a shot every time I've written "on paper" in this post if you want to die of alcohol poisoning) they seem fantastic, then January onwards they absolutely plummet. And it's not January yet, so that might still happen, but that kind of thing tends to happen because of a dramatic morale shift, and now that Lowry's captain and Wheeler's left for New York... that might not happen? They've banked enough points that unless they're historically bad from here on out they're still a playoff team. If they keep up what they have going so far, they're a contender, but if it's the same Winnipeg with the same problems, then they're not.

Ducks: Taking a step in the right direction with Carlsson and Mintyukov, but still bad! I really hope Carlsson recovers well, he seems like a sweet boy. Also: what on Earth are they doing with Zegras. Is he a defenceman now? Are they making him play defence? Are he and Dixie D'Amelio still dating? I have many questions. I just hope whichever high draft pick they get is an idiot. I feel like they need another dumbass baby on the team.

Flames: The Flames also appear to have no idea what's going on. And frankly, neither do I! They're too good to be obviously tanking, but not near good enough to be a bubble team. They're definitely reluctant to sell, but their best hope to win soon absolutely should be selling. They have one of the worst contracts in the league on their payroll (wow... I hope the guy in charge of my favourite team didn't sign that!) and a bunch of really solid late-round picks and prospects cutting their teeth on the NHL. In short: they aren't going to make the playoffs and should be leaning into that, but they don't seem to have realized this yet.

Oilers: For the sake of not gloating, I'm going to sum this one up with a Marek quote: If you have a goalie, it's 70% of your team. If you don't, it's 100%. They've had finishing trouble, but considering they absolutely run the show at 5v5 AND special teams (they put nearly SIXTY SHOTS on Vasilevskiy the other day) a little finishing shouldn't be quite so dangerous if they didn't have two sieves minding the net. McDavid might hit 150 again and the Oil might still miss the playoffs. If they get in, they're going far, but at this point it'll be tough as fuck to make it in.

Kings: Average penalty kill. No other weaknesses. Kopitar 4 Selke.

Sharks: This is an absolutely glorious tankjob. No other way to put it. This is the pinnacle of tank design. This is the Wayne Gretzky of tankjobs. This is the Casablanca of tankjobs. This is the Saturn V of tankjobs. Nothing has been so beautifully engineered to suck since Sir James Dyson patented his vacuum or Nancy Reagan walked the earth. It's beautiful. It's gorgeous. I am in awe. They deserve Celebrini purely because of how flawless the tank is. I don't care if he has a warm undertone and would look pink in that fantastic teal. The boy needs San Jose.

Kraken: Good defensively at 5v5, bad pretty much everywhere else. I'm going to be honest with you all, last year was kind of a flash in the pan -- Seattle isn't great and they're neither headed upwards nor downwards. Not a bubble team, probably won't pick top ten. They haven't decided whether or not to build up or tank. Beyond the fantastic aesthetics and four-unranked-lines shtick, they don't really have a whole lot of competitive mojo: no star forwards, no goaltending. Wholeheartedly mid.

Canucks: oH BABY!!!!! The 23-24 Canucks made us all learn what PDO is. The 23-24 Canucks are first in the motherfucking league after being one spot out of being in the Bedard lottery. The 23-24 Canucks are on track to have the best shooting and saving percentage in league history. The 23-24 Canucks' leading goalscorer is Brock Boeser, the guy they've almost traded practically every year since they drafted him. The 23-24 Canucks started the season by naming the Wettest Little Man On The Planet captain and they haven't looked back since. I think they're an easy lock for a playoff spot -- but within the playoffs, do I know what they're going to do? I absolutely do not. They could PDO their way to a Cup or they could bow out in four games flat. Either is equally likely. They have thoroughly embraced Good Chaos. Quinn Hughes might win the Hart. Everything's coming up Vancouver.

Golden Knights: Not as good as they were last year. Ultimately still pretty good. Easy playoff spot. Definite contender. Jack Eichel is better than ever and I love him for it, the dickhead.

[f1-birb]

I love how close it seems is Lando with Jackie Steward.

Sir Jackie has always had a lot of praise for Lando, after Lando qualified 8th in Australia 2019 (his debut) he said that he thinks "Lando has natural, god-given talent" and to another source:

"It’s either super amazing or these guys are not driving fast enough – and I don’t think that’s the case. I think he looks terrific. The big thing for him now is to be able to focus, mind-management, because he’s clearly got the skills and doing it under pressure. To see young talent coming through successfully is a really nice thing to see"

he posted this to his instagram when Lando got his first podium in Austria 2020

and for some reason I can't find the sources so I might be wrong on this one, don't yell at me if I am, but I believe he also asked Lando to be an ambassador for his charity

either way the video of them before Lando's interview was very sweet 🥹

[foxes-that-run]

Labyrinth

Labyrinth tells of pain of a past relationship, combined with the realisation of falling back in love with them. Similar to bejewelled, I think there is an element of looking at a current relationship ending through the lens of a past one. It references a 1D song Harry wrote, Half the world away, which was leaked August 2020, 5 months before Midnights was started. HTWA also refers to the tension over Harry saying 'I love you' in Say don't go on 1989TV. It was played at the 9 November Eras show with The Very First Night.

Labyrinth starring David Bowie

The title makes me think of David Bowie's 80's film. The green vinyl also had similar image to background to the cover art. Bowie is a key influence for Harry. In Labyrinth, Bowie is a Goblin King, Jareth, who gives Sarah 13 hours to solve his labyrinth in a misguided attempt win her love. Sarah and Jareth are temperamental and wistfully invested in dreams... not unlike certain popstars.

As well as the Bowie reference this is related to the theme of being trapped or unable to get over this love.

Lyrics

It only hurts this much right now Was what I was thinking the whole time Breathe in, breathe through Breathe deep, breathe out I'll be getting over you my whole life You know how scared I am of elevators Never trust it if it rises fast It can't last

The first verse is reflecting on the emotional turmoil during the relationship (1989) and is rich in references:

Half the World Away "deep in, I'm scared I'll stop breathing"

OOTW "Are we in the clear yet? / In the clear yet, good / Are we out of the woods yet?" When discussing OOTW Taylor said she constantly felt like she needed to overcome the next step.

Suburban Legends "It's ruined my life"

Gorgeous "you've ruined by life by not being mine"

I Wish You Would: "I’ll never forget you as long as I live"

Taylor also referred to this lyric in her NYU speech (27 mins) 4 months before it's release "Hard things will happen to us. We will recover, we will learn from it. We will grow more resilient because of it. And as long as we are fortunate enough to be breathing we will breathe in, breathe through, breathe deep, breathe out. And I am a doctor now, so I know how breathing works."

Also Getaway Car includes a line from Hilary Duff's Breathe in. Breath Out. (X marks the spot where we fell apart) Taylor also 'referenced' this song musically for Paper Rings.

Harry also sings Breathe me in, Breathe me out in Watermelon Sugar.

Uh oh, I'm falling in love Oh no, I'm falling in love again Oh, I'm falling in love I thought the plane was going down How'd you turn it right around

The chorus tells of realising that a love she thought was gone has come back. It references a leaked One Direction song that

Say don't go has a similar 'oh no' to this 'uh oh' meaning realisation, there it is that is is ending, here it is that it has come back.

On One Direction's Half the world away Harry wrote “I want you around, 'round, 'round / Are we going down, down, down?”

It only feels this raw right now Lost in the labyrinth of my mind Break up, break free, break through, break down You would break your back to make me break a smile You know how much I hate that everybody just expects me to bounce back Just like that

The bounce back line is to me where we can see the similarities drawn between a past relationship (Harry) and most recent (Joe). The announcement Harry and Taylor split (for the boat time) was in real time. With paparazzi photos of them both over the next days. She learnt from that and stopped sharing at all when she dated Harry again and with CH and Joe the announcement came months after.

As in many songs, Taylor's mind is a labyrinth and she can't get past this love. She tells herself if only feels so raw, but the chorus speaks to the 'built to fall apart and get back together' nature. The pain is her anxiety as described in Gold Rush, Slut! and Say Don't Go, and focus in I know places.

Harry has sung about Taylors smile and sacrifice to have her:

Someday (sung by Michael Buble) "I love seeing you happy / I miss seeing you smile" and "For her I bend, for you I break / And if I can't be yours now / I'll wait here on this ground / 'Til you come, 'til you take me away / Maybe someday"

Half the World Away: "Now I walk to you 'til my feet hurt / So tell me that's not good enough"

If I could Fly: "I think I might / Give up everything, just ask me to"

Half the World Away also has a similar structure, both repeat the chorus about a plane/relationship going down many times at the end.

[whoregaylorenzo]

do we have any idea what happened between mavio? oh fellow mavio lover please tell me you have an idea 🥺

oh bestie....*pats seat next to me* we're really in it now aren't we..😭😭

okay there's definitely better ppl to ask this since I've only been here for a few months but I'll tell you what I think I know

disclaimer: a lot of the gaps of my knowledge (so a lot) are filled in with dramatic exaggerations and my own headcanons so don't take it too seriously

1. maverick comes into motogp with one championship under his belt (moto3) and a third place in moto2, from what I've gathered he'd been seen as one of the real next talents, I'm not 100% sure of the timeline but I know I've heard vale mention him as well as marc as someone who could be quick/has a lot of talent

2. he starts off at suzuki (with aleix), gets some good results even a win and a couple podiums and after two years moves to yamaha in 2017 after coming 4th in the championship im 2016

3. he fucking wins his first two races with yamaha, talk about an entry to a team. oh and his teammate was valentino rossi. enough said.

4. mav having a grand time at yamaha, finishing 3rd and 4th and 3rd again (2017,18,19) in the championship. then shit starts going downwards.

5. in 2019, fabio arrives on the motogp stage with the petronas yamaha. he has an amazing first season, getting like 7 podiums and finishing 5th overall.

6. 2020 (ooh getting spicy) so there's a lot of very friendly interactions between mav and fabio from this time, it really seems like they were good buddies, n then preparing to be teammates in 2021, being excited about it!! looking at results tho - even though fabio only finished 8th that year, he won three races, meanwhile mav got one win plus two second places - both behind fabio...

7. so going into 2021 the situation is basically - fabio, boy wonder replacing motogp legend and maverick - not quite being able to fulfill the potential ppl said he had, getting this new teammate, a fast young guy - [threatening music starts playing]

7. and then the season starts off not too bad for mav with a win but after that - forget it. mav getting worse, fab winning and winning and winning. mav starts thinking yamaha have clearly moved on from him and are backing fabio, casting him aside a bit (in his perception, I can't really speak on what really happened I simply wasn't present in the fandom and I've not dove that deep yet), and then ofc it culminates in the whole debacle with mav just having enough of the frustration and doing sth rash, leading to the yamaha fallout and him leaving the team - well being fired really - and going to aprilia

8. as far as I know, it wasn't this alone that broke mavio? I think fabio said sth to the effect of he doesn't really care about mav leaving the team, and then there's a mav quote I think of him saying he's surprised to hear that from fabio

9. and then ofc there's fabio on that podcast this year answering the question "who's the rider you have the worst relationship with" with maverick.

IN CONCLUSION I think a culmination of fabio riding high on success, mav spiraling and lashing out, all that lead to the sorta icy relationship they have now....*sob*

anyway at the bottom of this I gotta add these tags from vic @distinguishedfifty to lighten the mood bc I simply love them uwkfjfkd

if any motogp mutuals have more to add here or maybe wanna correct me on things pls feel free!!

[elmaxlys]

Vol 1 "Tango" - Chapter 5

The article on Martha

When Urashima is talking about Giulio and Shinya, he quotes Martha and there's a picture of her. In 2015, there picture is accompanied by an article about her: of course, it's completely cropped and we can't really read it, but it's there. In 2020, the picture is alone. The angle and absence of the text makes the panel feel pretty empty.

"après" VS "ensuite"

Urashima says Suzuki disappeared for a bit "but then" came back.

2015: Mais après, il est revenu.

2020: Mais ensuite, il est revenu.

Officially, ensuite shows a more or less immediate succession of events while après can be whenever. But to me, après sounds more spoken language, less formal, than ensuite.

Mistake we teach 6th graders not to make:

"ces" (demonstrative) VS "ses" (possessive). 2015 uses a demonstrative instead of possessive here: "la hauteur de ces pas" (the height of these steps). Fixed in 2020.

plural of compound words. 2015 writes "les on-dits". Fixed in 2020.

conditional VS future. 2015 writes "compris, je ferais comme tu me dis." and "Je ferais tout ce que tu veux" instead of ferai. Fixed in 2020

"Sit!"

When Sugiki tells Suzuki to sit, dialogue goes:

2015: Sugiki: Assis! *Suzuki sits* Bon chien! Aki & Fusako: Il écoute bien maintenant !

(Sugiki: Sit! Good dog! Aki & Fusako: He listens well, now!)

2020 is the same except!! that they deleted "good dog" :(

Suzuki thinks he can only get better fast, now

2015: Ce que j'apprends en fait c'est lui, le fameux Shinya Sugiki. Celui que j'ai découvert ce jour-là. (What I'm actually learning is him, the infamous Shinya Sugiki. The one I discovered that day.)

2020: Ce que j'apprends, en fait, c'est lui. Le fameux Sugiki Shinya. C'est lui que j'ai découvert ce jour-là. (What I'm actually learning is him. The infamous Sugiki Shinya. It's him that I discovered that day.)

*grabs Julie Minchin by the shoulders* they do not mean the same thing!!! what it the truth!!!

Sugiki's reaction when Suzuki says he should stop there

2015: La ferme !! (Shut up!!)

2020: Silence !!

2020 feels more accurate to Sugiki's portrayal as 2015 is more familiar.

Dancing on the count

2015: Et même si j'aime pas, je me suis mis à danser sur le décompte. (And even if I don't like it, I started dancing on the count.)

2020: Et même si c'est pas mon truc, j'essaie de danser sur les temps. (And even if it's not my thing, I try to dance on the times.)

2020 conveys the failure through the phrasing. Like, we know he doesn't manage but 2015 has him saying he's already doing what he's told while 2020 brings in the major fact that no. He's trying. He's trying his best and it's not enough.

Also, the "not my thing" vs "I don't like it"... Very significant in term of characterization. 2020 Shinya recognizes that as one of his weaknesses while 2015 Shinya just doesn't like it. He could (and to hear him he does) do it, he just dislike it.

Suzuki thinking Sugiki could replace him

2015: Je ne veux pas. (I don't want that.)

2020: C'est pas envisageable. (It's not an option.)

I love both of these, for different reasons. 2015's refusal is personal, it's Suzuki's heart talking, it feels so intimate. 2020, on the other hand, can seem further away but the use of the impersonal makes it a seemingly objective truth. Also "envisageable", although I translated it as "an option" as it conveys the meaning, envisageable means something closer to "possible to consider". He doesn't even want to think about it. Doesn't want to even think about thinking about it. I love this line in both translations. Thank you Julie.

Sugiki thinking about Suzuki's troubles

2015: Me serais-je trompé ? (Did I make a mistake?)

2020: Aurais-je fait le mauvais choix? (Did I make the wrong choice?)

Imo, 2015 conveys more the doubt about seeing potential in Suzuki in the first place while 2020 comes across to me as doubt about himself as he doesn't want to ruin Suzuki. 🤔

Sugiki's reason to keep trying with Suzuki

2015: La raison, je ne la connais pas. (I don't know the reason.)

2020: Je n'ai pas de "raison". (I don't have any "reason".)

There's so much to say about this but I'll focus on the verb use. "connaître" (know) and "avoir" (have)... They convey very different things! In 2015, it implies that there actually is a reason. Aka the very opposite of what 2020 says!

[mikaelasgraveyard]

Marine Life in Owari no Seraph

okay listen this is going to be a lot of rambling because im hype up on doing way too much college shit all day but i can't stop thinking about what the ecosystem within the oceans in OnS look like. because okay so in Chapter 43, Narumi brings up that the ocean is fucked up:

That the oceans are acidic AND poisonous with monsters "even worse than horsemen" inside

whcih yoichi follows with:

SO IT'S ACIDIC, POISONOUS, AND BLOOD RED WHICH IS SO . OKAY OKAY WE HAVE A LOT TO WORK WITH.

cause okay so something that is often talked about in ecology studies is the concept of resilience. which britannica kindly defines as "...the ability of an ecosystem to maintain its normal patterns of nutrient cycling and biomass production after being subjected to damage caused by an ecological disturbance." - BASICALLY entire ecosystems have varying levels of this shit. some things are extremely resilient- when external stressors are introduced those fuckers will not die out at all, and will usually dominate future populations even after the habitat has reached a relative state of equilibrium stress events. Some however of course have low as hell resilience and yeah theyre gonnabe the first to die out and REALLY REALLY struggle to come back.

anyways now that we know somewhat of how observed communities are going to react to shit like- fucking acidic poisonous water that has turned blood red - we can start to speculate what the HELLS in there . because i have no fucking faith in Kagami to actually show us whatever the hells in there.

SO MONSTERS YEAH? let's say that these "monsters" that are in the water are actually evolved marine life - since OnS apocalypse happens in 2012 and current timeline is in 2020 we can assume that no Crazy crazy evolution has occurred just yet (short-term evolution is something that Does happen- and incredibly fast in some species cases! because generation to generation survivability can be super fucking extreme and force shit like armor plating esp in some species of fish dependent on turbidity) BUT just little things. especially a likely shift toward red colorations in these bitches. i like to imagine that the monsters were just the super fucking resilient of the bunch and if theyre predatory to Anything that enters the water (HOW DO THEY KNOW ABOUT THE MOSNTERS ANYWAYS IF THE WATER IS ACIDIC AND POISONOUS? WERE THERE EXPEDITIONS?) assuming that boats and things have got the shit beat out of them and those people on voyages dying horribly - we can assume these are big fuckers yeah? or just fucking nuts with acid poison brain enough to harm themselves to fuck up vessels.

I LIKE TO BELIEVE HOWEVER, that oceans are fucking FULL of jellies (jellyfish- trying to be known as just jelly or jellies these days since they aren't actually fish!) . CAUSE OKAY WE KNOW THAT LIKE. in current days where the oceans are CONSTANTLY invaded with stressors like pollutants, various contaminants from agriculture chemical runoff, global warming fucking up salinity and temperature in a lot of areas, and yadda yadaa yadda. and throuhg all of that - jelly populations are BOOMING!! they're literally super fucking resilient motherfuckers cause there's sooooo many of them soooo many types and they can adapt and evolve pretty fucking easy . and just god imagine big ass translucent red jellies with a whole new kind of potency to their stings (JUST WHAT WOULD POISON DO TO NEMATOCYSSTS??>?) that are capable of burning fucking holes through metal. oh my god it would be so cool. or just fucking anything resilient enough or maybe just fucking ANYTHING from super deep underwater that now has an increased survivability in higher water (ONLY due to color, theyre usually adapted to red perceived conditions because red is the last color to be absorbed by the water the deeper you go) and lord have you seen the guys down there? big scary teeth would look like monsters. sorry though my knowledge begins and ends at jellies.

um but i would just really like to know whats out there ... maybe............................... a little

[acestories]

Arc 1; Chapter 1

In some ways the world hasn’t changed; Karens still scream at grocery store clerks for no reason, Douchebags think they own the roads, and the sun continues to rise every morning. But, it’s definitely changed; people fly through the air on their own, a car mechanic lifts the car he’s working on with his bare hand, and a thief outruns a squad of police cars.

But, I’m getting ahead of myself. 2020 was terrible already, but as if that wasn’t enough, it had one last fucking piece of shit to throw in our faces. Christmas night, there was a violet star in the sky. By new years eve, it had become a sun. By new years day, a violet mist that brought with it plague, one with a 10% mortality rate, and the rich and powerful hid themselves away from it. As they always did.

But as it turned out, ⅕ of those who survived it got what could only be called Superpowers. And very few of the rich and powerful got Superpowers. The inevitable started to happen.

And where do I fit into all of this? Well, I'm the ñonbinary cat boy waiting for their take out to be ready. What? Just because I got Superpowers doesn't mean I don't want tacos. And these guys make a gochujang teriyaki sauce that is to die for. And I'm not gonna let some random ass fuck wad villain destroy this place, I can't recreate the sauce!

The villain (who I think called himself Syndrome or some shit like that, I can't remember) charged at me, fist raised high. I'm able to dodge at the last minute, the concrete street corner shattering as it took the blow, which when combined with my latest bruises, are enough to tell me that this guy has one of those god damn Escalating Strength powers in addition to the basic stuff.

Gotta take them out fast, before they start punching Blackholes or something. I think someone could do that.

The villain starts monologuing; ooooooh, his name is "Symptom." That's actually kinda cool I gotta admit. Regardless, thank fuck this guy is long winded. Or really into L.A.R.P.ing. Doesn't matter now though; I charge at him with the speed of a bullet and unleash a flurry of blows. After a few seconds of what sounds like a machine gun going off, he starts to fall backwards, a look of surprise on his big stupid, neck-bearded face.

Heh, I caught him Monologuing. Guess that makes me a sly cat instead of a sly dog. :D

Oh yeah, the cat parts. While only ⅕ of survivors got super powers, over half of survivors got "fantasy bits." I got turned into a cat boy, but I've seen people with other things. Someone I went to high-school with got turned into an Orc.

Oh, and these things aren't a package deal, but there is enough overlap that it's testing fate to make a cat girl angry. So the Boomer who's screaming and making threats at me for not saving his car is either really brave or really stupid. I'm betting on the latter.

CRACK!

Shit, wasn't paying attention! Mmm, that's gonna smart tomorrow. I stumble to stay standing, looking for who hit me. Dammit, my vision is still blurry.

POW!

Again, but from the other side. This time though, I'm able to recover faster, and I see a trail of dust kicked up by a wind. Great, a speedster.

Dick wads didn't just get standard stuff, they get to be stupid fast. Faster than even I can see. But, based on the fact that I didn't explode, safe to assume that they're not too much stronger than I. Probably not much tougher either.

I suppose I should explain myself, huh? So, almost every super is significantly stronger, tougher, and faster than they were before, with heightened senses to boot. Most can lift one end of a car. I'm one of the ones that can kill a building. We don't got any Supermans or Omnimans, but we got some guys who're way the fuck up there.

But after the basic stuff, lots of people also got other powers, some coming into them easier than others. Symptom from earlier got Escalating Strength, which makes him stronger the longer he fights, but not tougher or faster (no, I don't know how it works exactly). Our new friend is a Speedster, so they get to move at Mach speeds (or close to it).

But now that I know what to look for, I can look and hear for them. And with my Cat Ears, I'm really good at hearing them tear through the atmosphere. They might be faster than sound, but the air sure as shit isn't. As they come towards me, I fly 30 m (100 in freedom units) up into the air, the Speedster's momentum carrying them past where I was.

Yeah, I got flight. Which is also pretty common, and lots of people make it work. I can't. I can jump up to this high, and after that I can fall with style. If I try to actually fly, I become a hazard to everything around me. Aside from knowing you guys are there, the only other power I know I have is Laser Eyes. And the only time I've used that, I destroyed my bed and first print Power 9 mtg cards! Those are worth $165,100!

As I drift down, I can see the Speedster trying to get her bearings. Well, she's practically where I was, and I can make myself come down really fucking hard. Choosing occam's razor, I bring myself down to the ground. Hard. Hard enough that the Speedster is now a good couple inches in the pavement.

I stand up, keeping my foot down on her head. After a minute or so, I felt confident in assuming she was down. Long enough that I can try to tie her up for the cops. And tie up Symptom. And actual–

"Oh, thank you señior!" I turn around to see the old Latino lady who took my order running up to me. Before I can process this, she glomps me in a bear hug.

"Uh, you're welcome. If you don't mind me asking, what did I do?"

"You saved us." This time, I turn to the Old Japanese man who cooks in the kitchen walking up to me, but picking up a bag I hadn't realized the Speedster had dropped before also hugging me. "The fast one stole from us while you were busy. You're a true hero."

"I'm not a hero. I was only here for tacos."

From the face pressed into my chest came "No, you were the only one here, and you helped. That makes you a hero."

I tried to form a response, but a slight rustling brought my attention, not to the store, but to the hole in an apartment above it. To a family. Their family. Their grandchildren.

As what I just did begins to really sink in, a young teenager comes up to me carrying a bag of styrofoam boxes. "But I only ordered one thing of tacos…" is all I can say weakly.

"The rest is our thanks." The only response I can think of is tears.

[chaikachi]

Hello Miss Chaikachi, I just wanted to tell you that I love your art, It is always very cute, and I want to ask how in the world can you draw so fast? Like it take me a full day to draw half a sketch. You don't need to answer this if you don't want to. I just want to let you know that I appreciate your art, and It's a little bit scary with the speed you can draw.

Awwwwe thank you so much! 🥺🌸

To be fair, I think different pieces take different amounts of time. The recent bee drawings were relatively quick because they're not super detailed and I had a clear reference to work off of for both of them. But original compositions with full backgrounds can take me AGES (especially because I don't use a lot of fancy brushes that would make things like leaves easier to put on the canvas).

The recent Oscar one I'd been chipping away at very slowly for weeks before posting aha. (process shots under the cut)

First sketched it back during v9c2 (you can tell because the other rough Ruby sketch is right next to it).

And I redrew it, no joke, four times before I was satisfied enough to start colouring ��

the second one was close, but i tried to line it differently than usual and it just Did Not look how I wanted it to so I had to go back and try a different way. Am currently in a style shift phase which makes it very tricky aha.

The only other big thing that helps with speed is practice. Which is everyone's least favourite word, I know. I've been drawing for a long time so I'm very familiar with both my tools (shortcuts and program) and how to draw the things I most often do. So the biggest hurdles I run into now are just if I am trying to do something new or that I don't quite know how to execute. But even in those instances, I have habits for what to look for and how to approach so I usually can overcome them fairly easily.

Being borderline obsessed with something you wanna draw also helps tho. I started drawing fanart for RWBY at the end of 2020 and drew more than 60 fully rendered pieces in 2021 alone. Which is something I'd never done before. Not just your style improves with that amount of practice.

But even if you're not super fast, there's nothing wrong with that!!! We live in a time where art is seen more as content than it is art which makes it seem like speed is something to prioritize... makes me sad.

What people post and how often they post it isn't necessarily indicative of how quickly they work. A lot of styles, especially more painterly types, can't even be created that quickly. And most artists have lots of unfinished WIPs and things they struggle with too that their audiences never see. There's no one right way to do anything. In my opinion, the most important part is just to make sure you enjoy the process. Any reward that comes outside of that is just a bonus 💕

[fattylime]

hola my friend, i gotta say you be making art that looks so realistic I'm zooming to find out if it it's actually art instead of reality itself. truly commendable, please share with us your art journey because who doesn't love to hear the progressions and highs and lows from beginning till now of anyone's art life. please bless us with your tale, my good friend, i wish thee well

hiya!! thank you so much :) i don't think i have a story that's too interesting,, i've been drawing pretty much my whole life i can't really think of a time that i wasn't (though i did just come back from a semi long art hiatus). My brother is an artist too and i learned a lot from him. i got really interested in drawing around the time total drama island was airing i loved drawing those funky little characters so much

funny enough realism was never really my thing, like my professors have always told me my style is less photorealism and more illustrative surrealism if that makes any sense. I have most of my experience in traditional art but my senior year of hs i took an ap art course but i reeeaally did not enjoy the drawing teacher at my school so the digital art/design teacher metaphorically adopted me and i had to figure it out kinda fast lol. because of that, after i graduated i got really bad burnout and so from 2020 after i finished my final concentration up to 2021 i didn't make art or anything and i took a gap year. i'm still kinda fresh from that so that's where we are lol

i'm currently getting my bachelors in fine arts with a minor in education (i'd really like to be an art teacher :'), though my dream job would be a concept artist or a book illustrator)

anyways i'll promote my commissions here, i love drawing portraits and characters lemme draw something for you :3

[admirableadmiranda]

Tell you the truth, I'm a noob on Twitter. Literally just use it to login on other websites. So, what's going on with Twitter JC stans coming on here following the Twitter migration? Or actually, I really don't know about this side of fandom, and thus want to ask u this, "does JC thing really that hot on Twitter?" Enough to influence mdzs fandom as a whole? I know that part on old fanfics on ao3 accompanied by oblivious and reckless WWX thing and put JC as the straight guy dude who clean up the mess (strayed 1001 miles away from canon) , but since like 2020 or so, people start to wake up from fanon. So, does Twitter really hasn't been cleared up yet? And are still deep in daydreaming?

Well I am also a total twitter noob as in I deleted my old twitter account when I got into MDZS fandom because I knew that was going to eat my brain alive if I had access to that.

As for what's going on, back in earlier 2021, JC stans also had a pretty big run of Tumblr and were very shitty to people who posted anything that didn't fit with their version of the character without some tag like anti jiang cheng or whatever else people were using at the time. Sometimes you didn't even have to do that, people would still come at you even for using those tags and bash you, or if you wrote him in a fanfic as anything less than the saddest best brother, you'd get angry comments about him being ooc. This lasted until a group of people which included me started pushing back really hard against that narrative and when the dust settled, canon jiang cheng existed as a tag that we used for talking about him in his more canonical book and show actions, they could still use jiang cheng for whatever and the worst of the JC stans fled to Twitter because there were too many of us and we were too stubborn to let them push us out.

Fast forwards to Elon Musk's whole Twitter debacle and a lot of the content creators, especially the ones who make money off of JC art want to get off the ship before it sinks. But the problem is that we're all still here and we're all still talking about the same things we were a year ago and using the same tags and they don't like that because it's harder to have the narrative about good brother JC who suffers having such a terrible brother as WWX and is shipped with all the men in the story because he's somehow no longer a homophobe. So they're pushing extra hard because they literally made money off of the purple fanon and it's a lot harder to do that when there are people who you can't shut up who will respond to fanon asks or posts with what actually happens in the book. So they're trying (and failing) to push us to a tag that doesn't fit so that it doesn't ruin their storytelling with actual book events and a character that literally does not exist in MDZS.

It's less that JC is the hot commodity on Twitter and more that his most obnoxious fans went there since it was easier to ignore us there and now they want to come back and don't like that we're all still here enjoying canon jiang cheng. It's a bunch of loud, whiny babies. All of them easily blocked and ignored.

[megaherbs]

So when I was a teenager in the late 90s & early 2000s I was very into exploring gender identity. I didn't have the words for it exactly because I was growing up in Nebraska and things were very grim for queer youth, but I grew my hair long, painted my nails, played with makeup and wore skirts, dresses etc. Maybe just as often I would dress in more standard boy clothes but accessories and other aspects of my style and appearance were always very feminine. I don't know that I was ever moving towards transitioning, but I think I would have settled into a non binary identity.

I was attracted to girls and boys but naturally gravitated towards girls because I felt safer being myself around them, and while I often thought I wanted to be with all these cute girls I knew, it later dawned on me that I kind of wanted to simply be one of them.

When I was 17, I was hanging out with some classmates, drinking vodka, and I did way too much too fast and I blacked out then passed out. While I was out everybody took off except for one classmate who sexually assaulted me. I think I kissed him before passing out, so for a long time I thought it was my fault for initiating something that got out of hand, ugh. I won't go into deep detail but it was somewhat violent while I was passed out, and my neck, stomach and ass were covered in bruises and severe bite marks.

In the weeks/months afterwards, I stopped wearing feminine clothes, cut my hair short, got new glasses, abandoned makeup and nail polish. I wore gray slacks and black t shirts only, and eventually stopped shaving too. I didn't realize at the time what the incident had done to me, how thoroughly I had shut off the part of myself that I blamed for the assault.

It was entirely unconscious action to put myself back into a cut and dry "boy" mold and to try and blend in or even disappear completely. It took me over 20 years to understand this. In part because it was such an awful experience and I tried to shut it out entirely, but things always come back to the surface somehow.

I don't know why exactly I'm choosing to share this now besides the fact that some memories had come to the surface again and I was seeing another dimension to them. It's really hard to grow up, especially without a support system that can offer you the tools, vocabulary etc that you need. My family has always been good to me but my parents were born in the late 1940s in rural Nebraska & Minnesota, they did their best but didn't understand and I wasn't sure enough of anything to help them.

I will do my damndest to always provide support, clarity, love and safety to my children, and if they start exploring stuff that goes over my head, I will learn, I will find them community that can help if I can't.

I'm happy with who I am now but it's good to always explore who you are, it can be ever changing, fluid. I can't help but wonder who I might have been with better knowledge and community as a teenager. I was part of the "gay/ straight" alliance group as it was called when I was in high school, lol, but there was hardly even any gay kids in the group and I wasn't sure I was gay OR straight.

In summation, I'm glad I'm not still living in the early 2000s Nebraska, but mid 2020s Nebraska still sucks and all my friends moved away. Be good to each other.

[nokingsonlyfooles]

I'm staring to get scared...

I've been scared, but let me unpack this for people who don't understand me as well as my spouse...

Oh. Good. Yay. Right? Justice?

No.

Biden, in a statement, said his actions would help make the "promise of equal justice a reality." ...The pardon also does not apply to those in the U.S. unlawfully at the time of their offense.

Here's the thing: If the law is unfair (and it is) is it fair to say, Well, only #Real Americans deserve to have that unfairness addressed? Is "equal justice" the intent here?

Justice isn't a goddamn bag of Oreos. It is good for you. You don't have to seal up the bag and go, "Ya know, that's enough for right now. Don't want to eat the whole thing in one sitting! Let's save the undocumented immigrants, who are also disproportionately punished based on race and class, for later." No! You're not done yet! You're not allowed to pick out the ones you don't like and call yourself fair and just! And, btw, the unopened bags of Justice have been piling up around here for quite some time. You have a lot more to do.

And, if we're going to look at this in the spirit of bipartisan compromise (between two parties who keep saying the other party is trying to destroy democracy?!?) I'm not comfortable with who has been assigned the consequences of the compromising. Neither are a lot of other people who share my heritage. The US government is looking to legislate more people into illegality even as we speak. I think the decision has been made on who's going under the bus so that "democracy" can continue. It's (among others) the folks fleeing political unrest and violence fomented by the US out of anti-communist paranoia, social scapegoating, and a desire for cheaper fucking bananas.

It is possible to legislate "these people don't belong here" without banging on a podium and screaming about ultranationalism and polluted blood. That's the way we've done it for generations, only Trump started saying the quiet part loud and some folks got nervous.

I'm pretty fucking nervous, too, but for vastly different reasons.

This is a cold equation. This is being pushed through and publicized in the runup to the election. Biden is a friend to American Voters and let's define who those are and who they should be concerned with.

My fiction-based musing on trolley problems and who we're willing to throw under the bus to save someone who matters to us is still unpublished. Probably will be for a couple more months. But it has been on my mind because I'm seeing it play out in real life, again and again and again. We are exhausted from pulling levers and deciding who dies. A lot of us don't even consider it anymore. We accept the premise that politics means somebody has to die, and we pick a victim who bothers us the least. But how are you deciding who bothers you the least? And is that okay? And why do we have to keep doing it?

I will accept that we can't save everyone. The decisions come fast, and the decision-making process is slow. But this thing where we create law-breakers and then shrug and go, "Oh, well. They have less value to society," is some bullshit. And if you didn't notice that before, the messaging of, "It's no longer expedient to do this to marijuana-users, so let's do it to border-crossers - but, shhh, don't report it that way," should hammer that home. It's just another dog whistle for a racialized minority, one that apparently didn't turn out quite enough for the Democrats in 2020.

You don't have to wait for Trump to see politicians taking it out on their enemies while in office. It's just that the professional, civil ones confine their retribution to whoever the American public is willing to throw away. It's not personal. It's political. YOU get to decide who we kill next November! Well, we've already reached an agreement on immigrants, Palestinians, women, and Blacks - but you can raise or lower the volume on their screaming, and decide whether the folks in charge are gleeful or disapproving. And is there anyone else you (the majority of voters) are willing to lose? We're always listening! Just let us know! We may need to kill a few more people in the spirit of bipartisan compromise and we'd like to upset you as little as possible.

I can't accept that this is the cost of doing business anymore. I'm fucking ashamed I accepted it for so long in the first place.

And... And I'm terrified of sitting up here and watching voters mechanically make choices between ever larger groups of potential victims as the only options on the ballot conspire to rack up the price.