#2.) he snaps in and out of it so much this episode. sam did a great job w that

[saintlioncourt]

Lestat, almost floating in the memory of the church kiss, snapping his head and eyes to the side when that soldier yelled from the balcony... the way his eyes looked near pitch-black where he stood in the shadow, his snarl, and the cadence of his voice when he said, "Where lies their disgust now?"

[ninii-winchester]

Chosen Affection

Pairing : Dean Winchester X Reader

Word Count : 3.3k

Warnings : slight angst, language, Lucifer being Lucifer, soft smut at the end (nothing explicit) MDNI. Unedited.

Part 2 to Deepest Desire

A/n : This is a Supernatural x Lucifer crossover fic. I’ve only ever watched a few episodes of Lucifer. This is a work of fiction, I don’t own Supernatural or Lucifer. They belong to CW and Netlfix respectively.

I DO NOT GIVE PERMISSION TO COPY MY WORK, TRANSLATE IT OR POST IT TO ANY OTHER PLATFORM. REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED.

After talking with Sam, Y/n went back inside the bar and Dean followed silently. Chloe could tell Y/n had been crying and the tension was obvious. Lucifer eyed the couple, clearly enjoying the drama, which he created in the first place. Not intentionally but he did.

"I think it's best we get to the Bunker and see what we can do from there." Y/n told the other three, Dean opened his mouth to argue but she cut him off. "Sam agrees."

"The Bunker?" Chloe asked confusion lacing her voice.

"It's our workplace. We live there too." Y/n replied, Dean's heart squeezed the she didn't call it home. He knew it was far from homey but that's the closest thing they've had to a place of their own.

"Sounds fun." Lucifer said standing up from his seat.

The quartet left the bar. Dean watched as Y/n slid into the back seat of the Impala, he sighed before he made his way to the driver's seat. Lucifer slid into the passenger's seat while Chloe joined Y/n in the back. He watched her from the rear view mirror hoping to catch her eye but she never looked his way.

The drive back was awkward and tense. Dean couldn't bear the uncomfortable silence so stepped on the gas, wanting to reach their destination as soon as possible. They soon arrived at the Bunker and Dean opened the huge door allowing them to enter. The quartet descended the stairs and Y/n spotted Sam sitting at one of the tables in the library, his laptop opened in front of him.

Sam noticed the presence of other people, and looked away from the screen. He looked at the man in black suit with weary eyes, not feeling completely at ease in his presence. Chloe noticed his timidness and introduced herself.

"I'm Detective Chloe Decker." She held her hand for Sam to shake. "This is..uh my partner, Lucifer."

"Sam Winchester." He shook her hand and nodded at Lucifer who stood there with his hands in his pant pockets. That was so awkward that even, ever the friendly, Sam had a hard time clearing the air.

"Alright." Y/n broke the silence before she went crazy with all the palpable tension around the room. "We need to send them back home as soon as possible. Sam have you got anything yet?" She questioned walking towards him as he sat back on his chair.

"So I've been searching the internet for a way to open a portal to another universe and so far I've got anything." He explained running a hand through his hair. "Although I've yet to search the the files in the library."

"Yeah the Men of Letters might have key laying around here." Y/n commented with a roll of her eyes.

Sam noticed the lack of participation from his brother, he didn't fail to notice the distance between Dean and Y/n, it seemed as she was avoiding him at all costs.

"Is there anyway we can help?" Chloe asked from where she stood.

"Don't you want to rest a bit? I'm sure you're tired after being thrown into another universe." Y/n said softly.

"I already feel like we're asking too much from you people." Chloe replied bashfully. "We can help."

"Its fine-"

"Why don't you say it out right that you don't trust us with your precious files filled with important information." Lucifer interrupted Y/n with a smirk on his face.

"You know what, yes. I don't trust you. At all! So you shut your trap before I throw you in the dungeon alright?" Y/n snapped, directing all of her pent up anger towards Lucifer.

"And just who do you think you're talking to?" The devil asked menacingly, walking towards her. Dean was quick with his feet stepping in front of her, his gun pointing towards Lucifer.

"Don't you dare." Dean threatened.

The man just laughed before speaking, "is this your way of sucking up to her? It's quite pathetic if you ask me."

Sam's brow raised in confusion at his words, before things could get worse Chloe jumped in, "Lucifer, back off. Dean please put the gun down." Dean glared at Lucifer still pointing his gun at him. At Chloe's intervention Lucifer stepped back, prompting Dean to lower his gun. "It's best if we rest." Chloe looked at Y/n and she nodded.

"Dean will show you where you'll stay." Sam spoke, Dean gave him a look that said i-will? and the younger brother shrugged. When the others left the library Sam turned to Y/n. "So are you gonna tell me or I'm gonna have to play twenty questions with you?" She sighed before filling him in.

"It hurts, Sam." She felt herself tear up. Sam immediately went to comfort her. She sobbed in his chest as he held her. "After everything we've been through and it still wasn't enough..."

"Hey don't say that. Maybe you should talk to him, hear what he has to say." Sam suggested. She knew she had to face him sooner or later. "It's late, how about you go and get some rest, you came back from a hunt, must be tired." She nodded her head before leaving his embrace.

She left the library, walking through the hallways she debated whether she should go to their shared bedroom or to the room she stayed in before she moved in his'. That room hasn't been used in a long time. Before she knew it she was standing in front of their shared bedroom, her feet unintentionally dragged her there. She sighed before entering the room. After taking a quick shower she settled into bed. As tired as she was, she couldn't get her brain to keep repeated those moments from the bar.

"Amara" Dean's voice kept repeating that name in her head.

The door to the room opened, Dean entered the room as quietly as possible, assuming she's asleep. He'd gone to library and offered Sam to help but his younger brother told him he needed to be elsewhere and refused his offer politely. Dean's eyes landed her figure on the bed, eyes widen open staring at ceiling.

"Y/n." Dean called out approaching the bed slowly.

"Not now, Dean." She replied, unblinking.

Dean nodded before changing into comfortable clothes and slipping into bed. He knew she wouldn't be in here if she wasn't comfortable sharing a bed with him, however he kept his distance incase she didn't want him touching her. He knows she's hurting, but her ignorance is killing him and the last thing he needs is her pushing him away.

"Did they settle in okay?" Y/n questioned after a minutes of silence.

"Yeah." Dean replied. "Lucifer is a dick though." He added with an eye roll.

"He's the devil, what do you expect."

Minutes passed and none of them spoke, Y/n couldn't fall asleep for the life of her, she kept tossing and turning, trying to get comfortable. She wanted to hold him, she wanted him to hold her. She was too hurt to make a move and her ego was too big to ask him.

Noticing her restless Dean couldn't help but blurt out, "Can I hold you?" Part of him wanted her to get comfortable and part of him wanted to hold her in his arms since he couldn't ever sleep peacefully without her. He didn't know if he asked it for her sake or his own.

She scolded herself for being so eager to be in his arms but she couldn't help but nod her head. He didn't waste a second wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her closer to his chest, so her back rested against it. He snuggled his face in the crook of her neck.

"I love you, sweetheart." He whispered in her ear, placing a soft kiss on her neck. She shuddered at his action and that was the first time in forever she didn't say it back.

Dean woke up to an empty bed. The clock read 2:27 and he shoved the covers off of him haphazardly and bolted out of the room. First thing that came to his mind that she left him. With hurried footsteps he reached the library, his eyes fell on Sam who was surrounded by files, books and empty beer bottles. His breathing picked up, Sam opened his mouth to question his brother but Y/n's voice interrupted him.

"Dean?" She called out his name, noticing his disheveled state. He turned around to see her standing at the entrance of the war room with two mugs of coffee in her hands. He didn't answer her, instead he took large steps towards her and hugged her tightly. Her arms were angled awkwardly and she somehow managed not to spill the scalding hot coffee over themselves. She sent Sam a confused look over Dean's shoulder and he shrugged, not knowing either.

"I thought you left." Dean mumbled in her shoulder.

"I couldn't sleep so I thought I'd help Sam." Dean nodded before pulling away. An awkward silence followed after. She walked over to Sam putting a mug in front of him.

"Did you guys find something?" Dean asked following behind and her taking a seat.

"Actually we did. There's a few ways to open a portal. There's energy manipulation, magic ritual, or using an ancient artefact or finding a weak spot." Sam explained taking a sip of his coffee.

"But we don't have ingredients for a magic ritual and we certainly do not have the specific artefact." Y/n commented.

"So either energy manipulation or finding a weak spot?" Dean questioned looking at her.

"Maybe but considering Lucifer has to absorb energy from a volcano or a thunderstorm, I don't think it's safe to let him juice up." She replied with a concerned voice.

"Agreed." Sam said rubbing his eyes. "Our best bet is finding a weak spot. From there he can open a portal by using his own powers saying this incantation." Sam turned his screen towards his brother.

"So were do find this 'weak spot'?" The older Winchester wondered out loud.

"It's usually around places like deep woods, ruins or caves. Lucifer can sense it since he has powers." Y/n answered.

"So let's do it." Dean said getting up.

"Wait, now?" Y/n exclaimed.

"Yeah now." Sam agreed with Dean. "The sooner he goes back, the better."

Y/n nodded in understanding, she told them she'd go and get Lucifer and Chloe while the Winchester brothers geared up. Y/n quickly changed and met up with the others. They'd decided to go to the forest. It took them three hours to reach their destination. They got out of the Impala and ventured into the woods.

"Thank you for helping us Y/n." Chloe said as they continued to trek through the dark forest.

"That’s what we do but you’re welcome." She smiled at the blonde. The three men walked ahead of them Sam and Dean constantly asking Lucifer if he felt anything. And the devil kept giving them snippy replies.

"You know.." Chloe started gaining Y/n's attention. "I may not know you all for long but I'm observant. You're good people. I can see Dean truly loves you, whatever he said back there it hurt him too." She said looking at Y/n. It sure felt like the detective knew what she was talking about. "You should give him a chance to explain." Y/n mumbled a quiet 'yeah' with nod.

"This is it." Lucifer said loudly. "I can feel it." He held his arm up feeling up an open space.

"Alright, now channel your powers and focus on the spot. Think of the place you want to go. Your world." Lucifer did as Sam told him to.  Sam handed Lucifer a piece of paper. "Now say this." They could see a split forming above them and bright light emerging from it.

"Ad universum alterum patefacio, vires

invoco. Portalem aperire, vires occultas evocare. Tempus et spatium frangere, iter transire concedere." Lucifer read out loud and the five of them watched in awe as a portal finally opened.

A strong wind roared through the landscape, its force palpable and relentless. Trees bent and swayed, their leaves and branches rustling loudly as they were whipped around. The air was filled with the sound of howling gusts, the sheer strength of the wind created an atmosphere of raw, untamed energy.

"Holy fucking-" Y/n exclaimed, Dean instinctively moving in front of her.

Lucifer breathed heavily, panting as he stood back.   

"Alright. You ready to go back?" Lucifer asked Chloe and she nodded. She quickly hugged Y/n and thanked Sam and Dean.

"I have to say, you three really are something." Lucifer said with a smirk. "And I thank you for your help." He added. The three of them nodded.

They watched as Lucifer and Chloe jumped into the portal and it closed as soon as they fell through. The wind stopped and the light was gone. Sighs of relief were heard in the complete silence of the forest.

"Felt weird being thanked by the devil." Y/n chuckled as they walked back to the car.

"You're telling me." Sam added.

Dean was silent the whole ride back to the Bunker. The sun has already risen, the world felt calm and serene, filled with a promise of a new day. Y/n hoped this new day brings her some peace. When they reached to the Bunker Dean left the car without saying a word.

“You’re gonna talk to him?” Sam asked looking worried. He knew now that Dean didn’t have something to focus on, his mind would be all over the place.

“Yeah.” She replied walking inside. When she opened the door to their shared bedroom she saw Dean sitting on the edge of the bed. He had something is his hands but quickly hid it when he noticed her, though he fiddling with a set of keys in his hands. She took smalls steps and sat beside him. A few seconds passed in silence when Dean chuckled humourlessly,

“You know,” he started, “I was waiting for so long, I didn’t want it to go this way.” She looked at him, confusion written all over her face. “I thought I’d do it when you’d come back from that hunt, take you out somewhere fancy, dinner and all.”

“Dean-”

“I bought us a house.” He interrupted her. He showed the keys that were in his hands. “I thought I’d tell you after I’d ask you, and you’d hopefully say yes, we’ll start a new life. You, me our kids. Together. No more monsters, no more hunting.” Her heart rate picked up, “I should’ve known better though, when has anything gone the way we’ve wanted it.” He moved to kneel in front of her holding her hands in his.

“She,” Dean grimaced, “her and I were bound because of the mark, the mark may have gone from my arm but it’s has left something behind, it’s an urge. I don’t desire her at all, not her physical self anyway. It’s something I don’t like admitting out loud but there’s something in me that’s dark and sometimes it makes me want to do things that I did when I had that mark.” She let out a gasp at his confession.

“Dean I had no idea.” A few tears escaped her eyes.

“But you know what keeps me sane? You.” He cupped her cheek in his hand wiping away her tears. “You’re my light, you vanish all the darkness inside of me. You’re the one I want, you’re the one I crave. You’re the one that makes me want to be better. I’m not bound to you, you’re a conscious choice sweetheart. Everyday, every second you’re the one I want.” He grabbed something from beside her, she hadn’t even notice it was there all the time. She gasped again when she saw what it was, a small velvet box.

“Y/n, sweetheart, I love you, I always have and I always will. I know I’ve hurt you baby, but if you give me this one chance, I’ll spend the rest of my life showing you how much I desire you. Will you marry me?”

She couldn’t believe what she heard, did he just say he’s giving up hunting? Getting a house? Getting married? Kids?

“You, Dean Winchester, has decided to quit hunting?” She questioned, thinking somehow she’s didn’t hear him right.

“Yeah,” he chuckled through tears. “And hopefully spend the rest of my life with you, Mrs. Winchester, if you would.” He gestured to the ring in his hand.

“I like the sound of that.” She teased with a smile on her face.

“So will you?” He asked again, not believing her until she says it out loud.

“Yes Dean, I’ll marry you.” He didn’t waste a second slipping the ring on her finger.

“I love you so much.” He pressed his lips to her, kissing ber softly, pouring all of his love into it. Their lips moved in perfect sync, a soft brush sent shivers down their spines. Time seemed to slow, and the world around them faded into a blur. The warmth of their breath mingled, and the closeness created a cocoon of shared emotion. The gentle pressure and the delicate movement of their lips, created a bond that felt both timeless and immediate.

“I love you too, Dean.” She panted as they pulled apart. “I won’t lie, I was hurt pretty badly when you said that. But I had no idea where it came from and it made me insecure. I thought you wanted her.” She spoke lowly as if sharing a secret.

“I’m sorry sweetheart, I shouldn’t have kept it from you, but after everything, I didn’t want you to worry. You’d finally had some peace.”

“I understand but from now on, no more secrets okay? I want you to be open with me, yeah?”

“I promise.” He kissed her again, laying her back on the bed. He hovered above her, his hands placed on either side of her head. She let out a soft moan as he kissed her neck and moved to her collarbone. “Let me make love to you, baby.”

She nodded, pulling him back up, kissing him passionately. “Show me how much you love me.” He gently pulled her shirt over her head, and she gripped at his’, indicating she wanted it off and he quickly removes it. It didn’t take long for them to get rid of all their clothing, leaving them completely naked.

He dragged his fingers delicately over her cheek, down her neck and chest. She flipped them over making him lay on his back. She bit his neck, nibbling and leaving dark purple hickeys. She moved to his chest, kissing her way down to his stomach before she could go any further he stopped her.

“Later, baby. I need to feel you.” Dean flipped them over again. He watched her flushed face, leaning on his one arm, he reached a hand between their bodies and gripped himself, leading himself to her. They moaned in unison as he penetrated her. “Fuck baby.” He groaned in her neck.

Moans and groans filled the room as they continue to loose themselves into heated passion. Wrapped up in each others embrace, bare skin pressed together, their hearts beating in unison. Coming undone together basking in the aftershocks of their passionate love making they laid entwined in the soft sheets, their breaths slowly synchronized, a comfortable silence enveloped them. She rested her head on his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, a sound that had become her lullaby.

Tags:

@fullbelieverheart @spnfamily-j2 @n-o-p-e-never @montyrokz @deangirl96

[it-was-too-cold-always]

We're Not in CW Anymore - 2

Chapter 1

The reader gets blasted into another universe - one where Sam and Dean Winchester are real people, real hunters, and really fucked up. To her surprise (or horror), Dean has been getting glimpses of her life in his dreams and is completely enamored with her. It's nothing like the cable-friendly CW show that she knows and loves.

Reader x Dean Winchester

Warnings: language, violence

Chapter 2: Family Remains is a Damn Good Episode

Dean would not stop staring. It was becoming increasingly unsettling. "Dude," Sam nudged him, sensing your discomfort. Dean snapped out of it, glancing around and composing himself. Sam debated which topic he wanted to bring up first - the fact that you've watched their lives in a TV show, or the comment Gabriel made about Dean being "quite familiar" with you. He decided on the latter.

"Dean, you want to tell me why Gabriel said you'd be familiar with her?" Sam looked over at his brother with a slightly pissed off glare. Dean’s face immediately turned bright red, fidgeting in his seat. He stared at the booth table and stammered. Finally, he blurted, "I've been watching her for the past couple months." You stared at him, mouth open, in complete shock. "Listen, it's not as creepy as it sounds. It's in my dreams. It's like I'm a ghost, I can see you but you can't see me. I've been with you at work, around the house, at the gym...sleeping..." he continued, "but again! I'm not a fucking creep! Whenever I sleep, I just show up at a random time in your day."

You were mortified. What exactly has he seen? The thought of someone watching you around the house made your skin crawl. And sleeping?! Your mind ran through every potentially embarrassing moment of the past months he could've witnessed. Your sleep shirts and smutty romance books were embarrassing enough. Has he seen you masterbate? You wanted to crawl under a rock.

"Why the fuck didn't you say anything to me about this? Didn't you think it was a little important that you've been connected to this girl somehow?" Sam was clearly frustrated with Dean. You didn't want to get in the middle of it, so you stayed silent, processing everything that was happening. Before Dean could respond, the waitress came back to take the boys' order. A salad and burger, what a surprise. Dean's gaze returned to you, making eye contact as you sipped your coffee.

"Dude, you're doing it again," Sam chastised Dean. It was a little creepy, despite his claims that he wasn't. "Listen, I say we get back to the bunker and look more into this. Surely there's something we can find about soulmates from alternate dimensions. The Men of Letters have so many resources, I'm sure we'll find a lead of some kind," Sam said. You nodded in agreement. You weren't sure what to besides follow them back to the bunker. “Agreed. But first, food,” Dean responded. Pretty on brand of him.

The boys ate while you nursed your coffee. You were busy contemplating all the different questions you wanted to ask. Was Bobby still alive? Did their mom come back from the dead? Did Castiel become cool or was he still an emotionless angel dickhead? You had so much you wanted to ask. You decided to start with the Bobby question. Looking up, you met eyes with Dean. Staring again. You decided to return the favor and stared back. You lost rather quickly – his gaze was very intimidating, even though his look was more of wonder than malice. You looked towards Sam and blurted your question. “Is Bobby alive?”

“Um, yeah…does he die in your universe?” Sam asked. You explained his death, rambling that it was one of your favorite episodes, but you always skipped the ending because he gets fatally wounded and it makes you sad to watch. Sam looks a little disturbed, you’re sure it’s because you just admitted that your favorite episode is the one where Bobby dies. You try to recover that blunder. “I mean that’s not my favorite episode. I really love season 4, ���Family Remains.’ Where you thought it was a ghost but then it was human kids living in the walls. That one gives me the heeby jeebs. OR the Ghostfacers episodes, those are too fucking funny.” Shut. UP. You were kicking yourself for rambling. Dean rolls his eyes at the mention of the Ghostfacers. Sam clenches his jaw. Totally going to stop talking now.

The food arrives just in time to save you from further embarrassment. Dean immediately digs in, taking a massive bite out of the burger. You stare in disbelief – you can’t believe this is happening. The boys eat quickly enough. You drank WAY too much coffee and your hands were shaking. Both from the situation and the caffeine. Finally, it’s time to pile into the Impala and go to the bunker. The engine turns over and music starts playing. You recognize the song immediately, it’s straight from one of your playlists. Dean quickly moves to turn the song off, clearly embarrassed. You make eye contact in the rearview mirror. “What? You have good taste in music,” he defends himself.

As you drive in the now silent car, you think about what the next steps might look like. Sam wants to look for lore on soulmates from different universes, but what good would that do? It doesn’t change the situation. You’re stuck in a different world with people you barely know. Sure, you’d trust Dean Winchester with your life. But that’s the TV version of him. You don’t know anything about this guy. You thought you read once that Kripke wanted Dean to be tatted up, but they didn’t have the budget for it. I guess when it’s real life, you don’t have to worry about a budget. You mulled over what Gabriel had said about this being the nitty-gritty, real-life version of the show. That means a shit ton of killing and violence. Lots of disposing bodies. You were torn between being terrified for your safety and feeling sad for all the crap they’ve had to deal with. Sure, this Dean had tattoos and nasty scars and watched you sleep at night, but maybe he’s still the burger-loving, dorky man you fell in love with on the show. He might kill you, but you decided you didn’t really have a choice – you either went with these men you kinda knew, or you went out on your own in a different universe with no connections or money. You were willing to gamble on the chance that they’re not deranged killers.

Chapter 3

[abeautylives]

Times I Remember Well

(and Some That I Don’t)

Part 2

author’s note: The word "skivvies" means underwear. Apparently not everyone knows that lol

pairing: female!OCxjake

time frame: 2014-2016

word count: 7k this part

warnings: language, more teenage angst, illicit substance use, underage drinking, mentions of sex and sexual situations, fingering, angry Sam

I was serious when I said I couldn’t show my face at the Kiszka household for a while. 

Sam showed up at my front door the next afternoon, and immediately started making fun of me for being rejected by his brother. 

“Oh Joshy, why won’t you kiss me?!” Complete with immature kissy sounds and puppy dog eyes.

I could only wonder what Josh had told him happened. He wouldn’t tell me. Menace.

It was one thing to hang out with Sam so soon after the incident, but there was no way I could be around Josh. Or even Jake.

The more I thought about that night (which was a lot), the more I over-analyzed Jake’s reaction to his twin cozying up to me.

Was I crazy to think that he was mad at me? Or at Josh? The look on his face had been murderous (it got even more murdery every time I thought about it). Had I imagined that?

Because I’m the luckiest girl on earth, I didn’t have to wait that long to find out.

After three weeks of avoiding their house all together, Sam convinced me to come by for a smoke sesh in the garage. Same as always, the usual, totally casual. I knocked twice on the door and let myself in, sat on the old throw rug right next to Sam, joined the rotation with Danny on the couch across from me and Sam to my left. Around and round it went, while I refused to meet the eyes of anyone in the room but Sammy.

Jake sat upon his ugly floral throne and Josh was tucked into the corner of the couch beside him. I risked peeking up at them, back and forth, whenever I knew they weren’t paying attention. 

They were so different. More different than I had ever realized, but Josh seemed okay - a little quiet but he smiled easily and laughed freely. I don’t think Jake even glanced in my direction once, but I was too scared to look at him for too long, so who knows.

Eventually, Sam smoked too much. He did this almost every time, you’d think he’d have figured it out by then. He laid himself flat out on the cement floor and dozed off, so I asked Danny to toss me one of the dingy throw pillows from the couch. 

“Here, stupid.” I shoved Sam’s shoulder and he stirred enough to lift his head, I stuffed the pillow underneath it. He went out like a light.

Jake chose the moment Sam passed out to stand from the chair. He stayed there for a second, and I could see him from the corner of my eye. Just standing there, like a total weirdo! So yeah, I looked up at him. Don’t you worry, he was already looking down at me and our eyes locked. Of course they did.

His expression was pretty neutral but made me feel squirmy anyway, so I blinked and looked at Josh instead. You guessed it, he was already looking at me too! Except he’s perfectly lovely and sweet, so he grinned and shrugged his shoulders.

“Come grab some snacks with me, Tiny.”

Nope, Josh didn’t say that. I nearly snapped my neck jerking my head back up to Jake. “C’mon, T.”

When we were still in middle school, Sam and I would sometimes watch reruns of The Twilight Zone, have you ever seen that show? Each episode was a story about some seriously weird and disturbing shit, alternate realities.

This was like that. I had entered the Twilight Zone.

Josh was my only option for help, so I obviously looked over at Danny instead. He was melting into the couch again, lightweight.

“Let’s go.” This Jake was freaking me out. I mean, he didn’t talk to me much under normal circumstances, but he definitely never asked me to go anywhere with him. Let alone demanded it.

“Okay!” Once again, I embarrassed myself under this roof. My voice came out strained and squeaky. Let’s blame it on the dry mouth. 

He skirted around the chair and out the side door, and my body just got up to follow him. Traitor! I stepped over Sam and before I made it to the door, Josh’s hand shot out and grabbed my wrist.

“Hey, you okay?”

Ugh, he’s so perfect. 

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine but he’s being so weird, right?” Right?!

“He is. He’s been kinda weird for a couple weeks, even with me. But uh… Good luck in there, missed you around here.” He released his hold on my wrist and chuckled. Traitor!

My possible friendship with Josh was tenuous at best, but I was considering a forever type of silent treatment after this betrayal. I sucked a few deep breaths into my lungs before I walked into the house, and when I made it to the kitchen, Jake was leaning against the counter, arms crossed over his chest. He hadn’t even pulled any snacks out. He lifted his eyes to me as I walked in, and did that flippy thing with the hair that always flopped over them.

“What’s up Biebs?” He hated that (he and Sam both did, it was great), and I knew he hated that, but he was getting on my nerves with his attention, with his demands. I could see the hate written all over his face, but I crossed the kitchen and leaned into the counter across from him. Then I matched his wide-legged stance, crossed my arms, and scowled. We stared at each other for a beat, my underarms started to sweat before he responded. 

“Where have you been the last few weekends?”

What do you mean he’d noticed I hadn’t been here? Was he for real?

“Uhh, I’ve been around, I guess. What do you care?”

“You avoiding us, Tiny?” He adjusted his stance, straightening up to his full height (a whopping half inch taller than me - what is it with these guys?) but kept his arms across his chest. His hair had fallen back into his eyes and he flipped it away, and I just stared at him in silence. “Something happen the last time you were here?”

What do you know, dickhead?

“Like what, Jacob?” I smoothed out the scowl from between my eyebrows and batted my lashes at him. I’m so innocent! He did not like it. His arms dropped to his sides and he pushed himself away from the counter. In less than a second he was standing right in front of me. In a fraction of that, he had leaned in close, the tip of his nose nearly touching mine. I tried to back away, arching my back over the edge of the counter, but he moved in further.

Now my back was sweating.

“Did you fool around with my brother?”

Jesus. His question breezed over my lips and his words shot straight to my gut. It wasn’t like the soft caress of Josh’s voice asking what I was doing when I’d been begging him to kiss me. This wasn’t like that at all. 

“Uh-“ Yeah yeah, I had to clear my throat. I think I stopped breathing. “Who? Sammy? Gross, dude.”

Deflect! Deflect!

“Did you fuck Josh, T?”

WHAT?!

I pushed him away from me. I couldn’t breathe!

“What the hell are you talking about, Jake? Of course I didn’t… do that!” I’d never done that, with anyone, had he lost his mind?

“Then why is he acting so weird? And why haven’t you been here since that night?” He really seemed surprised that I hadn’t fu- had sex with Josh on the couch in the garage. What kind of girl did he take me for?

“Ask him yourself, asshole!”

“I did! Multiple times! He won’t say shit and says you guys are just friends, but that doesn’t explain why you’ve been too chicken-shit to show your face!”

Why was he so close to me again? I put a palm squarely in the middle of his chest, ready to push his ass to the floor if I had to, but he wrapped his fingers around my wrist and squeezed. Kinda hard.

“My own brother won’t tell me the truth and it’s your fault.” He pushed my hand back into my own chest. “What did you do to him?”

I was truly at a loss for words, so I uttered a few that I honestly had never said to anyone before. Not even Sam.

“Fuck you, Jake.”

But he didn’t even move! His face sort of twisted up, like he was confused, but I don’t think I could have been any more clear.

“Grow up, Tiny.”

Ugh, when did he learn how to push all my buttons? “You grow up, and mind your own business you creep. What, are you jealous I kissed Josh and not you?”

You should’ve seen it, seriously. You had to be there. He sprung away from me like I’d electrocuted him. 

“You are! Oh this is hilarious, you’re jealous.” I had to say it, the look on his face was a mixture of disgust and embarrassment. I couldn’t believe it. “Do you like me Jake? Huh? You wanna kiss me Jake?”

There’s no excuse for that one. I still don’t know why I said it. But then, ohhhh then, he rushed back into my space, wrapped both hands around the base of my skull, and slammed his lips against mine.

See? Luckiest girl on earth.

A lot of things happened in a span of a very few seconds. 

The weight of his body pushed me into the counter pretty hard, but I barely registered the pain. My first reaction was obviously shock, confusion, but it quickly turned into acceptance and my lips went from stiff against his to soft and welcoming.

Yep. I kissed him back.

My hands flew up and wrapped around his wrists, and he actually gripped my hair. I gasped into the kiss and he slipped his tongue into my mouth. He groaned, I moaned and-

“Seriously?!”

We bounced apart like the opposite poles of two magnets. Jake didn’t stop moving backwards until he hit the counter across from me.

“This is seriously fucked up, guys.” Sam stood in the doorway of the kitchen, eyes red and unfocused, but they landed on me. “Go home, T. I shouldn’t have even asked you to come here.”

Before I could argue or even get upset with him, he turned out of the room and was gone.

I was confused. Very confused. My heart was still beating erratically in my chest and my breaths didn’t feel right either. Of all the people on the planet, I had to look to Jake effing Kiszka for help.

“Jake…” My voice came out small, weak.

For a minute, he just shook his head. My vision went a little blurry.

I am not going to cry in front of another one of these idiots!

“Jake.” Stronger that time, better. “Why did you do that?”

“Why did you?”

“You kissed me first! I-“

“You liked it.”

No, no I did not. I loved it. There was enough potential that I could’ve been smitten with it.

“You’re disgusting.” As I found my voice, I also found some anger. That anger coerced my feet into action, and I found myself toe to toe with him again. I pushed a finger right into his chest, for good measure. “Don’t ever-“

I learned a few things that night. One thing was that Jake was a really terrible listener. 

He didn’t grab me again, he didn’t crowd me or slam his mouth to mine. He just leaned forward and let his lips hover over mine. That shut me up real quick. 

“You sure, T?” Ugh, he whispered. And it was sexy, and seductive.

Another thing I learned that night was that Jake was a real prick.

Because he whispered those words across my lips, wrapped his hands around my upper arms and spun us around, backed me into the counter…

And walked away.

With all that being said, that might have been the night I started falling for Jake Kiszka. But I don’t really remember.

Sam didn’t speak a word to me for six days.

He was really mad at me! Or at least I figured he was, since he sent me away and said I never should have been there to begin with. And he ignored all my texts. And calls. Shit, I even emailed him once.

I passed him in the halls at school all week, tried to catch his attention from a distance, watched him purposefully look past me, or through me each time.

I had really fucked up.

On the seventh day, he gave it a rest. A full week since incident #2, he texted me. 

sammy: I’m sorry too

That was it. I had apologized a hundred unanswered times, pleaded with him to just talk to me, for a week. After so much silent treatment, I didn’t really know how to address it.

Me: my dad wants me to stay with him for the summer

That was true. My dad always wanted me to stay with him for the summer, but I usually chose to stay home and traded out the other, shorter holiday breaks with him. I hadn’t seriously been considering it, until incident #2.

sammy: In Traverse? Are you gonna go?

Me: yeah. 

What did you expect me to say? I needed to get out of the bubble that was our town and away from all the testosterone. Granted, Traverse City is only like three hours away, but that was pretty far for a kid with no license.

Sam didn’t text me back. I was glad I was leaving.

School let out for the summer and my dad picked me up that weekend. Traverse City isn’t all that different from home, aside from triple the population. There’s plenty to do outdoors - beaches and trails - but my dad didn’t exactly provide the same kind of company as Sam. 

When you’re running free with your best friend, the break never seems long enough. This was the longest summer I could remember, but by early July Sam and I were back on regular speaking terms. We texted all the time, and eventually accepted each other’s apologies. 

But after not hearing from him at all before I left town, the first time he reached out was not all that fun.

sammy: Can I ask you a question 

Me: shoot

sammy: Why did it have to be my brothers?

Me: …

Me: what do you mean

sammy: You could make out with ANYONE else

sammy: Why them?

So Josh did tell him something. 

Me: Josh told you we kissed?

sammy: That’s not an answer.

The truth? You know the truth. I started crushing on Josh sometime between his bare chest at Fischer Hall and the skintight jeans with the peace sign patch on the ass that he started wearing later that summer. 

But I still didn’t know what the hell had happened with Jake.

Me: i already said i was sorry sam. I. AM. SORRY. 

Me: i really did like josh… he doesn’t like me back

Me: but i DID NOT KISS JAKE!!! He kissed ME and i have no clue why

Me: I DO NOT LIKE HIM, I HATE HIM

Look, I rarely lied to Sam. I had no reason to. But that text? That was a big fat lie.

How could I tell him that not only did I not hate Jake, I liked kissing Jake. I wanted to kiss Jake again. I wanted to learn how he did it, what his moves were, what made him-

No. Couldn’t tell baby brother all that. So I lied, and I avoided at all costs. 

Back to the best of friends by August, Sam was waiting in my driveway the day my dad dropped me off. We spent the last week of the summer attached at the hip again, but I didn’t step foot in his house for a very long time.

The Friday after my eighteenth birthday, Sammy threw me a party. That I didn’t ask for.

I rarely hung out with him at his own house anymore, and if I did it was only when I knew for certain that Jake wasn’t home. 

Josh and I had developed a sort of friendly relationship over the last couple years, stemming from a run-in at a movie theater. I was on a date (it went terribly), Josh was on a date (I asked him about it later and yes, that guy liked him back!), we fumbled awkwardly through hellos and introductions. He told me he missed seeing me around.

Those five words were enough to convince me that it would be okay to go to the house if he was there.

But not Jake. Never Jake.

So imagine my utter shock and horror when I knocked twice on the garage door, slipped underneath it, and found the room packed full of people.

“SURPRISE!!!”

Fuck me, right? No one likes surprise parties. I particularly hate them. Especially when I’m standing there like an idiot, wide-eyed and slack-jawed, taking in an unexpected mass of people and my stupid eyes lock on Jake stupid Kiszka.

And he smirked. Asshole.

“I’m not ready to leave you.”

Despite the garage full of our friends, I still ended up on Sam’s lap in the ugly chair, a little buzzed and kind of weepy. I tucked my face into his shoulder.

Don’t judge me. I’d already done a few hours worth of dancing, laughing and drinking. And avoiding the proverbial elephant in the room. It was exhausting. 

He shrugged off my concerns. “When I’m famous, you can just drop out and come on tour with us.” He raised his beer up to me, so I tapped mine against it. Cheers to adulthood, I guess. 

“You better get famous, you dick. Or even better, fail miserably and come live in Ann Arbor with me.”

In a month, I was graduating. It's not like I was leaving for college right away, but the reality of being eighteen was weighing on me. Sam’s reality was even heavier.

The fucking band was getting noticed. Being seen. What was I gonna do if they took off, if he left me and Michigan behind?

“Cheer up, T. This is supposed to be a party.” He squeezed me with the arm wrapped around my waist.

“Yeah yeah. I’m fine… I’m just gonna miss you.”

He was really great sometimes, my best friend. He reached down and sat his beer on the floor, then wrapped both arms around me. “I’ll miss you too, you know that.”

I let my eyes close for a minute and just enjoyed it, then sighed heavily against his neck. “Okay, sorry for the pity party. Let me up, I gotta pee.”

A few people were lingering in the kitchen when I made it into the house, they all raised their drinks and yelled happy birthday as I passed through. In the upstairs bathroom, I could hear when they filtered back outside, the house falling silent. I gave myself a little pep talk in the mirror before I left.

Get it together, woman. Have a good time, enjoy the fucking summer. Grow. Up.

Good talk, I know. 

When I hit the bottom of the stairs, I heard the refrigerator open. As I turned into the kitchen, someone was still standing there, hidden by the door.

But I knew who it was.

The fridge door swung closed and there he was. And we were alone. 

Not this shit again.

I wasn’t gonna do it, I wasn’t gonna do anything. I swear. But I kept moving to pass him and leave the room, and he stuck an arm out and stopped me in my tracks. 

“Just let me go, Jake.” See? I had zero interest in this! I didn’t even look at him. Ya know, until he physically turned my body to face him. He had the nerve to smile.

“Happy birthday, T.” Thank God he didn’t whisper it, he was so good at whispering.

“Yeah, thanks. See ya.” I tried to leave again, but he put both hands on me and kept me facing him, toe to toe. Another showdown in the Kiszka kitchen.

“Don’t be like that.”

Oh, how I hated him in that moment. Everything came back, the confusion, the anger I felt the last time we’d been here. When he basically accused me of being a slut right before accusing me of wanting him. And being right about it.

I shook his hands off my arms and took a step back. “No. No, I’m not doing this again.” I turned to leave again, and he caught me by the wrist.

“What are you talk-“

“Stop! Don’t pretend you don’t know!”

“Tiny, I really-“

“Don’t call me that, and don’t act like you don’t know exactly why I have avoided you for two fucking years.”

Maybe it was my expression, or maybe it was the tone of my voice, I’ll never know but he dropped my wrist and actually managed to look guilty.

“Exactly. Bye, Jake.”

I made it to the doorway. If I had just been moving faster, I would’ve missed it and probably never experienced what happened next.

“I’m sorry.”

There’s no way I’d heard that right. It spun me around where I stood.

“What?”

“I said I’m sorry, about that night.”

I waited for the ground to open up and swallow us, or a meteor to blast through the ceiling. Surely the world was ending. Nothing happened.

“Really. What exactly are you sorry for, hm? Why exactly do you think I hate you?”

“You hate me?” I’m sure you can imagine, but yes, he had the audacity to look surprised by that information. It pissed me off.

“Get real, Jake.” I moved closer. “Get fucking real. Tell me what you’re apologizing for, go ahead. What part of that night are you sorry for?” By the time I was done, I was all up in his space and he looked uncomfortable.

Good.

“I’m sorry I accused you of sleeping with Josh.”

The big bad anger deflated, but only a little. I really hadn’t expected him to acknowledge that.

“You accused a sixteen year old virgin of fucking your brother on a dirty couch in your garage.” He literally cringed. I get it, it sounded bad. Because it was.

“That was really shitty of me-“

“You think?!”

“Let me finish,” His hands were on me again, wrapped around my upper arms. “Please.”

All I could do was nod. That please is what did it. He really seemed to feel bad, and I was believing it.

“I said that out of anger, T. I knew something happened out there, and Josh was all fucked up about it after. He wouldn’t talk to me, and he tells me everything.” My shoulders shook with the force of that word. “Do you understand what I’m saying?”

My mind was reeling, grasping for the meaning he intended. I shook my head.

“We’re twins, we don’t have secrets. I thought you either forced him to do something he didn’t want to, or you… were mean to him. Judged him.”

It dawned on me, clear as day. 

“You knew.” 

He tipped his chin and nodded, just once. 

“I don’t- then what about the rest? I called you jealous, but it had nothing to do with that. But you were!”

He nodded again. My resolve crumbled.

“Why did you kiss me?” I whispered it, but I wasn’t trying to be sexy, or seductive.

“Because I was jealous. And I wanted to.”

Gulp.

“I’m really sorry that I hurt your feelings. I never wanted you to hate me.”

“What did you want?”

As you can imagine, that question sealed my fate.

“Just you.”

My back was against the refrigerator before he even finished breathing the words. This time, there was no moment of shock, I wasn’t confused, and my lips were not stiff. 

His hands slid up my arms and into my hair, and he tilted my head. My mouth opened for him, and I gripped the front of his t-shirt for dear life.

Remember when I told you that by sixteen, I had kissed plenty? That was true. By eighteen, I’d kissed plenty more.

But this kiss was going to ruin me, and I knew it.

He let a hand slip from my hair and ran it down the length of my body, past my shoulder, over my ribs and the small of my waist, then he tucked it between me and the fridge and flattened it to my lower back. And pulled my hips into his.

Oh my god. He did want me, I could feel the evidence of that pressed against me.

“Jake.” I broke the kiss but his lips kept moving, he tilted my head further and ran kisses over my cheek, my jaw. “Jake.”

“Mm?” His hips ground into mine, he didn’t take his lips off of me. 

“What- fuck, what are we doing?” My hands flattened against his chest and pushed, just a little, and he finally lifted his face.

His breath was coming quickly, I could feel it under my palms. “What do you wanna do, T?”

My brain raced toward an answer, past all the reasons we shouldn’t do what I wanted to do. There’s still a party going on in the garage, Sam is waiting there for me to come back from the bathroom, this is a bad idea, this is Jake, Sam may never forgive me for this.

“Can we- should we… go somewhere else?” Yeah, that’s what my brain landed on.

“You sure?” The memory of that same question, two years ago, rushed in and I knew that if he walked away from me this time, I would never get over it.

“I’m sure.”

He didn’t stop to reconsider or question my decision, just took my hand and led me back to the stairs. We rushed to the second floor, not leaving time to second guess or re-evaluate. He practically dragged me into his room, slammed the door behind us and locked it.

I didn’t bother looking around, it was dark anyway but I didn’t want to think too hard about what was happening. I just let him push me towards a bed and fell into it. He tore his shirt over his head and covered my body and mouth with his. 

My legs opened and he settled between them, immediately grinding into me. This was happening, and it was happening fast. Our mouths were securely attached, so I wriggled beneath him, tugging the hem of my shirt up. As soon as he caught on to what I was doing he took over the task, sliding a hand up under my shirt and touching my bare skin for the first time. 

“Fucking hell, T.” God, his voice was ragged, he was literally panting as he leaned back to use both hands, spreading his palms over my stomach, my ribcage, skimming over the sides of my breasts and up until my shirt was over my head and thrown to the floor.

For a minute we just stared at each other, our heavy breathing the only sound in the room. 

He had changed so little and so much in the last two years. Physically, his hair had grown long, hanging to his shoulders instead of flipping across his forehead. His cockiness had transformed into confidence, and his actions up to this moment had been firm and self-assured. As we took each other in, I wondered what changes he saw in me.

Did he see a woman that night, pinned to his mattress by his eyes? At sixteen, I’d tried so hard to convince all of them that I was grown - could he see the ways that I had?

“You’re so fucking hot.” Okay, yeah it wasn’t poetry or anything, but his words pulsed through my bloodstream and settled between my thighs. Something like a whine slipped from the back of my throat, and suddenly we were moving in fast motion. He covered me again, but his kiss landed on my jaw, then below my ear, then the base of my throat. As it passed my collarbone I tangled my hands into his hair. He’d propped himself up on an elbow and the other hand slid up my ribs again then covered my breast.

I wish I could remember what my bra even looked like that night, but it hadn’t seemed like he cared.

He squeezed me softly, I moaned, he squeezed harder. Then his fingers tugged the top of the cup down, and for the first time, a part of me was truly naked in front of Jake Kiszka.

There was only a fleeting moment where he lifted his head and looked at my chest, bared to him, my nipple already hard and aching for his attention - then he dropped his mouth over it and sucked it in.

My back arched off the bed and he sucked me in deeper, his tongue swirling around my nipple before he softly put his teeth on it.

“Yes.” I hardly recognized my own voice, but he must have recognized the need or the urgency in it, because he applied just a tiny bit of pressure, and bit me. “Yes!”

His head popped up and his eyes met mine. “Fuck, you liked that?”

Was that weird? Was I not supposed to? I didn’t know what to say, so I nodded. It prompted him to pull the other side of my bra down and treat my other nipple to the same affection, so I guessed it was the right answer.

We were writhing together, friction between our hips and my hands holding his head to my chest until I couldn’t stand it anymore.

“Jake, kiss me, please…”

Somewhere along the line, he’d become a better listener. His lips slotted over mine and he kissed me deeply, I felt it everywhere. Until his hand started fumbling with the button of my jeans. It popped open and he slid the zipper down. Just as his fingers danced over the edge of my underwear, he paused. 

Against my mouth he whispered, “Yes?”

I nodded frantically, breaking the kiss.

“Say it, T.”

“Yes.”

Fingers slid over cotton and tucked themselves between my legs, and my entire body shuddered. He dropped his gaze to where he was touching me as he pressed them into me and slid them up my center, catching on my clit. I jolted at the contact. 

“Jesus Christ.”

Had I surprised him? Done something wrong? Why was he pulling his hand away- oh.

His hand slipped out of my jeans only long enough to slide under the waist of my panties, then it disappeared inside them. 

Jake Kiszka had his fingers on my actual, bare-

You get it.

Again, they pressed into me and then through me, I could feel the way my body offered no resistance, slick and easy. 

“You- you’re so…” His voice trailed off, but I needed to know. What was I? What was he thinking?

“What, Jake?” I sounded breathy, my voice coming out shaky and quiet. He looked up into my eyes.

“You’re so wet.” He sounded stunned, awe lacing his tone. 

My throat closed, I swallowed hard. Embarrassment made my chest hot and I opened my mouth to say something. I’m sorry? But my mouth snapped shut because he moved his fingers through the wetness again and groaned, deep and low, before tracing up to my clit again and circling it.

He continued to watch my face, I think. I’m not sure, because my eyes slammed shut as my body bowed into the feeling, but it seemed like he was watching all of my reactions closely. I’m sure he saw my face drop when his fingers left my clit, only to see my jaw fall open when one moved lower and pushed inside me slowly.

Inside. Me. My eyes shot open and found him staring at me, nostrils flared. 

“Relax, T. You’re so tight.”

Was that bad? I pulled a deep breath into my lungs, in through my nose and out through trembling lips. Tried my hardest to relax every muscle, but I was wound so tight I felt like I would implode. 

I must have done something right, because his finger slid deeper and he murmured the worst thing I’d ever heard.

“That’s good, good girl.”

In hindsight, I know he wasn’t even trying to be sexy. But my body tightened around his finger again and he started to withdraw it. I panicked, gripped his wrist and dug my nails in just as he pushed all the way inside. 

“God!” I couldn’t help it, the invasion was overwhelming me.

“Shhh, I’ve got you.” He was pumping it inside me now. “Tell me what you want.” Focus made his features look so serious, but his voice was calm and coaxing. I had no fucking clue what to say.

So I said the first thing that popped into my head.

“More.” He smiled, his mouth curling up at the corners. I felt him withdraw his finger all the way, gasped as he swirled two over my clit, then entered me again with both. 

“Jesus, you’re so tight, you feel so good.”

So good, so good. That’s good. I let myself relax into his touch and within a few seconds my hips were moving in time with his fingers. My bottom lip was held tight between my teeth as I tried not to let any of the sounds building in my throat escape. He noticed.

His face came close, he pecked a kiss to my cheek then whispered into my ear. “Let me hear you, just be quiet.” 

I really had no choice, because as soon as the words left his mouth, he pressed his thumb to my clit and plunged his fingers deep.

“Shit Jake, yes yes yes…”

Still next to my ear, he tucked his face into my neck and kissed me there before making his way back to my lips. His tongue swept out over my bottom lip and I opened to him, let him in. My eyes fluttered closed.

Then I felt it, a tightening, low in my belly. A tingling even lower. I don’t know what I did that signaled to him, but he knew.

“Are you gonna come for me?” He asked between kisses. I didn’t answer. I couldn’t.

I didn’t have to. All it took was a few more pumps of his fingers, a couple circles with his thumb, and I had my first orgasm. 

Trust me when I tell you, it was a doozy. 

My entire body tensed, my back arched and my mouth opened. Thank God I couldn’t hear myself over the buzz in my head because I’m sure the sound I made was mortifying, but it didn’t matter. As quickly as it had gripped me, it started to fade away. Things came back into focus and I felt Jake’s fingers softly moving in shallow strokes before they stopped and he pulled them from me. 

“Wow.”

Who said that? Oh, it was Jake. I peeked up at him and his eyes were wide, almost black in the darkness. Then he pulled his hand from my pants and stood up so quickly, I was sure I’d done something wrong. I shot up to sit and had barely planted my feet on the floor when I heard his belt buckle clink. The shuffle of his shoes across the carpet as he toed them off his feet. The soft swish of denim falling down his legs and hitting the floor, more shuffling and he stepped out of his jeans.

Holy shit holy shit holy shit.

I didn’t even have time to truly panic, because he stepped back up to the bed and leaned down, kissing me briefly on the lips before using his hands to guide me backwards, laying across his bed again. He reached for the waist of my pants and, already undone, started to slide them off of my hips. I let him pull them down my legs until they got stuck at my shoes. 

He chuckled. I giggled, nervously. He slipped my shoes off then tugged my jeans from my feet. I shifted and sat back up. 

And there I was. Looking at Jake Kiszka in nothing but his skivvies and socks, and myself wearing much of the same. Except my tits were out, the cups of my bra pushing them up from underneath. 

Jake must have sensed my nerves, because he asked me if I was still sure. I nodded and he demanded to hear it out loud. 

“Yes.”

He turned to his nightstand, rummaged blindly  through the drawer, and when he straightened he slipped his thumbs under the elastic waistband of his underwear.

Then they hit the floor.

And there I was. Looking at Jake Kiszka in nothing but his socks. 

My cheeks exploded with heat and I was grateful that he couldn’t see me blushing in the dark, but I must have made a face, or a noise, because he was poised to tear open the condom wrapper and he stopped. 

“Are you okay?”

Oh shit, what did I do?

“Um-“ Cleared my throat. “I- yeah. Yes. Sorry. I’ve just, never done this before.”

“Ha ha, T. For real, what’s wrong?”

Ha ha? I wasn’t laughing. 

“Nothing. It’s fine, I just haven’t ever…” It trailed off, because there was something wrong with the way he was looking at me. 

“Fuck. You gotta be kidding me.” Ouch. 

His arms dropped to his sides, condom packet still between the first two fingers of his left hand. He flicked it away, it skimmed the surface of the nightstand and fell behind it.

No, no no no. 

“What? What are you doing?” There it was, a little bit of that panic, finally allowed to bloom under my skin. He bent and stepped back into his boxer briefs and pulled them up. My own semi-nudity suddenly felt shameful, so I tugged the cups of my bra back up to cover my breasts. “Jake, I still want th-“

“No. I can’t, T. You’re still a virgin?” 

Was I crazy, because I hadn’t seen anything wrong with that before this exact moment? He stepped back into his jeans and started pulling them up.

I reached out to stop him, a hand on his wrist. “Yeah, but who cares? It’s not that big of-“

“I care!” He ripped his arms away from me, pulled his pants up and fastened them. He continued as he started plucking my own clothes from the floor and shoving them into my shaking arms. “I can’t do that, I can’t be your first. I can’t fucking believe this.”

The first tear slipped and ran down my cheek, and I swiped it away, frustrated. “You’re overreacting, Jake. Why are you-“

He cut me off again. “How could you not tell me? What if I, if I had- God.”

“I didn’t know I was supposed to!” I jerked my shirt over my head and shoved my arms through the sleeves. “Why would you think I wasn’t?!” Pulled my jeans over my feet and up my legs. 

“Because Sam told me!”

My fingers stopped buttoning my pants, my head jerked up. “What?!”

“Sam said he thought you were fucking that idiot you dated last year, when you weren’t coming around for like a month. He-“

“I’m gonna kill him. That’s it, I’m finally gonna actually kill him.” 

Jake threw his arms up. “What was I supposed to think, T? With the way you were kissing me, and- and- you weren’t acting like a virgin!”

“Because you still think I’m some kind of slut, Jake? Is that it? Oh my God I’m so stupid.” I fastened my jeans and pulled my shoes on, then shoulder checked him on my way to the door.

It felt good, okay?

He was right behind me, forgetting his shoes and pulling his shirt on as he followed me down the stairs, but I didn’t stop. I bolted through the kitchen and outside, then into the garage.

A lot of people had left and I found Sam immediately, strewn across one end of the couch. He was probably crossfaded and ready to pass out, but he popped up as soon as he saw my face. 

“Tiny, where have you been? What’s wrong-“ Jake stormed into the garage behind me, and even through hooded, bleary eyes, Sam put some pieces together. Or tried to.

I was trying desperately not to cry, and I’m sure I looked it. I could feel how kiss-swollen my lips were, and I guessed that Jake’s looked the same. Add in the fucked up bed hair, and then two tears that slipped free and ran down my face. 

“What the fuck did you do..”

But Sam wasn’t talking to me. He was looking past me.

“What did you do?!”

The few of our friends that were left lingering in the garage were all staring at us. 

“Party’s over! GET OUT!” I flinched. I’d never heard Sam yell, not in anger. Everyone jumped and hustled through the side door until we were alone, and Sam took one deep breath before speaking. 

“T, come here, are you okay?”

I didn’t move, just nodded my head and wiped furiously at my cheeks. “Yes, I’m fine, I- I just wanted to tell you I was leaving.” He came to me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. 

“What did you do?” I knew he was speaking to Jake, still standing silently behind me. 

“Sam, I don’t know what you’re thinking but-“

“Why is she fucking crying?”

I broke free of his hold and stopped him. “Sam, it’s okay. I’m fine, I swear. I’m going home.” I grabbed my bag from the floor beside the couch and flung it over my shoulder, lifted the garage door and slipped out.

I didn’t stop running until I reached my driveway.

[manwiththemagic]

spn s1 ep1 "pilot"

REWATCH TIMEEEE!!! I literally just finished the show but uh, I'm so hype I'm just going straight back in :9

So uhhhh, random things from me while I watch the episode because I'm bored, and stuck at my dads place 😔

Also whenever I'm mean to Dean and Sam ITS WITH LOVE!! not John though. Glad that MF is dead.

Crazy how John See's the blood next to Sam and doesn't immediately check for wounds.., or when the blood drops on him his neck doesn't immediately snap towards the ceiling. I get he doesn't know shit about the supernatural but like c'mon man.. (I'm allowed to be mean, it's John freaking Winchester. I hate him)

Love the picture on Sam's dresser being of his parents. I know it's mostly cinematography in like showing that this is Sam, but likeeeee idk. It's funny that deans all like "you abandoned us.(Me. IDC about you leaving dad, you left me. What the freak man!?)" But like, clearly Sam still loves them all?? Idk

AAAAAA HALLOWEEN MENTIONED!! crazy how for most of the show it's assumed he doesn't like Halloween because he hunts monsters, but no, it's because he threw up on some girl in 6th grade at a party😭

Deans first shown crime, breaking and entering.

Why didn't he just knock😭 it wouldn't have made a difference??? 💀💀

FIGHT‼️ FIGHT‼️

God they looked like such babies back thennnnnnnnuuuuhhhhh!!!

Dean already being kinda shady.

no seriously they look like babies..

“𝑖 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑚𝑢𝑟𝑓𝑠😏” okay lil bro chill out. That's your brothers girlfriend..

I forgot how pervy early seasons Dean was LMAO it's not funny..

Funny how Sam's all like "ermm.. no why would I leave with you in the middle of the night??" And tbh he is valid for that. It's probably wayyy to soon of their dad being missing for it to be Sam's problem, but Dean? Lil bro doesn't careeeeeee. I think he just was super anxious and like, we already know how co-dependent the lil shits are. Bro didn't wanna be alone.

“do you think mom would have wanted us to be raised this way?” OH YOU HAVE NOOOOO IDEA LIL BRO..

Also it's funny (after seeing s15) that he is getting kinda what he thought was an dramatic anxiety of his of Sam saying "no dude wtf?". Like Dean waited hours stalking Sam out because he was to scared to talk to him, and like... real? But he thought Sam would be more "I hate you KYS" when Sam in reality is just "let me live my life." and both are equally as bad to dean💀💀

“ "I can't do this alone." "Yea you can." "Well.. I don't want to." ”EXHIBIT A. him saying this after being mad at Sam like "YOU ran away" like bro.. your acting mad crazy girlfriend rn. Pushing and pulling. "I hate you sm you bitch GAHD. anyways... (*Twirls hair*) I missed you... Run away with me??" LIKE BRO.

Crazy how it's always said that Sam has the puppy dog eyes but like... Dean is literally puppy dog eyeing Sam to come back. And Sam falls for it.. dumbass.

Dean lil smirk when Sam asks a question. “Just like riding a bike, isn't it Sammy?” Dawg maybe use a better metaphor. When did you guys have time to ride bikes?? Also that reminds me of that one ep with Gabriel aka the trickster who put them in a sitcom. With the two seater bike? Anyways...

Dean back at his guilt tripping and gaslighting!! You go queen!! “You know.. I've never bothered you in almost two years..” right.... Cause that's so hard. (It definitely was. Lil bro is super clingy in early s1)

The way he immediately tells Sam to skip the interview. He basically says "Interview?? Uh? Who cares about a job?? We're about to go work a job?? Sure it doesn't pay, and it's dangerous, and you hate it—" like bro😭

Dead cheater with a squeaky ahh car.

Dean Winchester crime number 2, credit card scams, and pride him them. (Literally not shocked people peg him for a criminal mastermind. He legit is..)

sams first "it's Sam. Not Sammy" time!! I forgot he used to do that. Cause in the late seasons, like bro just gave up. Like Lucifer calls him Sammy, GOD calls him Sammy, but not as much. Mostly because he isn't *as* mocking as Lucy boy.

God do I love baby. First time watching it i didn't care about the car. My thoughts were "damn. Cool ass car. Anyways—" BUT NO. baby is so much more than that.

Deans third crime, impersonating an officer.

Ahh good ol fake id's. Sam looks SOOOOO anxious about it.. lil baby's first time lying 😔 LMAO JK but it probably is one of his first times doing this as an adult. Like he ran off at 18, Dean has 8 years of adult-lying-experience. Sam has none

AHH ONE OF MY FAVORITE LINES!! “you're awfully young to be federal Marshalls.” “why thanks, that's awfully kind of ya!” I loved deans lil accent ☹️. ESPECIALLY LATER ON IN JAIL OR WTV. “you son of a bitch, we don' swing that way!” I LOVE HIM.

my sons chat.

Why do the police believe them?? They pull up in the funkiest of outfits, baby faces, the most FAKE id's ever and people are just like. "Ahh yes... Marshalls!!" LIKE NO??

sassy Dean!! “well that's just the type of crap police work I'd expect out of you guys.” LIKE BRO.. I don't like the cops either but damn 😭

Sam's lil foot stomp💀💀

DEANS SMACK..

“why'd you do that??” “why'd you have to stomp on my foot? 😡” “why'd you have to talk to police that way??” LMAOOO also Dean def wanted to look cool Infront of sam. "Sam look how much of a cool bad boy I am😎" bc like Sam def thought teen "bad boy" Dean was superrrr cool, but like Dean doesn't know how to make Sam look up to him again 🦹

Seriously guys?? You? This random dead guys UNCLES?? YOU LOOK THE SAME AGE AS HIM. also Dean if your trying to pass your baby face brother as an adult man, maybe don't call him Sammy to the people your trying to convince??

AHH MORE IN SYNC TALKING!!! I love it when they do that.

Dean is so CLINGY. "heard she got murdered or smth idk. And they say she kills others blah blah blah case stuff—" and Dean just stares at Sam like "you hearing this?" OF COURSE HE IS. dawg he's right next to you chill out 😭

Gosh Dean is SUCH a meddler. He's bugging Sam talkin about "you think your gonna become a lawyer? Marry your girl" and Sam's obviously like "yes?? Duh" then Dean gets MAD like bro😭 bro is so mad Sam has a life, and I remember that from the future ep with Sam collage friends and the shifter. Dean just refuses to see Sam as an adult, and just drags him everywhere😭

Deans the definition of those like boy moms, but with sam. "Hiya sammy!! Is this your girlfriend..? She's uh.. awful and I hate her. HAH. demon bitch!!" like in s4/5 with ruby, he's not mad Sam is with a demon, he's mad Sam is "abandoning him" bc he has abandonment issues. Also he infantalizes Sam sm bc like he raised Sam, he still has the little kid Sammy version of Sam stuck in his head. And that's why he continues to lie to Sam for 15 FUCKING SEASONS. anyways..

Deans 10 baginllionth crime, breaking and entering (into his dad's abandoned motel room)

SO MANY ICONIC LINES!!! “no chick flick moments.” “pff. Alright, jerk.” “bitch.” I LOVE THEM.

finally daytime.. I mean don't get me wrong, I LOVE the dark grimey aesthetic of the early seasons but woooff finally I can see. Also I miss baby Sam's haircut. Like it was fire?? ALSO THE LEATHER JACKET?? YIPPE!! and the samulet!! Gosh I missed it.

Sam calling Jess!!! AUSGHSBS

Deans first time getting arrested in the series!! Crazy how it goes from this to being in worse than federal prison (a place that "legally/technically/on the books" doesn't exist) because of a assassination attempt on the president..

“fake U.S. Marshall, Fake credit cards. You got anything that real?” “uhh yeah. My boobs. :)” HES SO SASSY!!! I miss happy(ish) Dean!!

The police have such valid reason to question dean. Like bro strolls into town, fake id's, digging around, then you find him staying in a room with 10 missing persons all over, a bunch of "satanic mumbo jumbo" as the cop says it, and a level of sass so high a heroin junkie would O.D.

Dean (rightfully) pulling the "how is it me? The first guy went missing when I was 3, pal." And cops like "erm. I know your working with that old guy."

AH THE JOURNAL!! they treated that shit like it was the Bible in early seasons. Kinda fun. Also I bet this is where the cult idea started.. like in the FBI eps where everyone's like "yeah we know your dad was crazy, boy. That's why you—"

And honestly? I LIVE FOR THE FBI PLOT LINES!!

“so you had a happy marriage?” “.... definitely” OKAY BRO... RIGHTTTTT YEAH TOTALLY. lying lil bitch.

sam was really just yapping about the supernatural to anyone in early seasons... Like bro you ain't gotta tell this random man about women in white lore😭 same thing in the wendigo ep

Also Sam's puppy dog eyes!! “you tell me..🥺” (which reminds me of late season when chuck takes away their main character luck and Sam is like ‘so tell me, please🥺’ and the people are like 'puppy dog eyes? Are you fr? Does that always work for you?' LMAOO. But also I don't think Sam is realizing he's doing it. I think he just really had that kicked puppy look.)

Dean crimes yet again, breaking out of holding. Also “fake 911 call? Pretty illegal Sammy! :)” LIKE YOU CAN TALK. LMAOO I love how sassy he was.

fucking John and his dumbass orders with coordinates. Why was he even sending Sam in this goose chase? Why not just act like everything's normal to dean? He won't know what your doing, and Sam would still be in school.

oh great the fucking women in white. I HATE THAT BITCH!! I HATE THAT FUCKING BITCH!!/ref.

First time of many where Sam gets assaulted. no because why do the writers always have Sam get sexually assaulted.. ITS THE FIRST EP BRO.. and like later it happens with so many others, and demons, and old women, and LUCIFER. God he was the WORST.

Ghost? GONE!! who ya gonna call?

“you found her weak spot, nic work Sammy!” he's so proud of him omg. If it was late seasons Dean, and early seasons Sam you know Dean would be the type of dad ("big brother" stfu. Dad.) who would take cheesey selfies with an unwilling Sam, and post them on Facebook (bc old) and go "look at my sammy!! First hunt back and he's already killin'!! #proud" OR WTV

“wish I could say the same for you. What'd you think shooting Casper in the face, you freak?” LMAOOO

Deans so disappointed that Sam wants to go home LMAO. like yeah he told you from the start lil bro, but I can't blame you. 🤷

Dean is trying EVERYTHING to get Sam to stick around omg 😭 he's like a desperate ex, or a divorced dad trying to win his sons favor. “we made one hell of a team back there..” Jesus Christ Dean, pick yourself up dude. It's kinda sad😭

NOOOO JESSS!!! breaks my heart everytime.. she haunts the narrative :(.

Dean immediately busy in.. was he just waiting around? Like stop stalking your little brother man 😭 anyways glad he was there!! Saved Sam from burning up bc of Jess..

Gosh thats.. :(

Iconic trunk slam!! They use that shot a couple times in the end seasons to show how much time has passed. AND IT EATS EVERY TIME HEYOO!!

“we got work to do.” GAHHHHDD!! chills!! Literal chills! I love this show! :}

[venusfalling]

Off to Germany Without So Much as a Fucking Goodbye

summary: Episode 2 of TFATWS. You pick up Bucky from jail.

warnings: none?

notes: Well, this only really makes sense if you've watched The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, but if you haven't, there are still some fun angst and fluff bits! Married!Reader. Part 2 to There You Are.

    Jail. Bucky’s therapist called to tell you that your husband was in jail. You had spent three days worrying about him, thinking the worst, but now? Now you were (mostly) angry as you waited for him on the street outside the police station.

    “James Buchanan Barnes!” you yelled when you saw him and Sam leave the station.

    “Shit,” Bucky muttered.

    “Jail! First a stupid text—‘Going to Germany on a mission with Sam’—no explanation, no phone call, no word from you at all for three days! And then, I have to hear from your therapist that you’re in jail!” The way you emphasize your words tells Bucky that he’s really in trouble this time. He tries reaching a hand out to touch you, but you brush him off. You start walking to the car, parked two streets over, and Bucky and Sam follow. The keys that you’re holding begin to bend from the crushing force of your hand as your emotions overwhelm you. All of that anger and anxiety and relief rolled up into one big sob caught in your throat.

    “I can explain,” Bucky calls after you.

    “I am your wife! I deserve more than a goddamn text and secondhand information!” you snap, turning around to face him.

    “Wife?” Sam questions, but you both ignore him. Sam knew the two of you were close after the time you spent together in Wakanda, but five years was a long time.

    “I was worried, Buck,” your voice breaks a little bit, and you finally let Bucky pull you into a hug.

    “I know, I know. I’m sorry,” he whispers into your hair. “It was supersoldiers,” he explains when you pull out of the hug, “part of a group called the Flagsmashers that’ve been stealing vaccines and supplies.”

    “The Flagsmashers? The bad guys really are getting less creative.”

--

    Bucky continues to explain it all: the tip from Lieutenant Joaquin Torres (Sam’s airforce buddy), the supersoldiers they caught stealing vaccines in Germany, the ensuing chase, and the interference from the new Captain America. It was a lot to say the least.

--

    The keys in your hand are all but ruined, but you continue to walk towards the car anyway. The lock in the car is metal and, as the ruined keys prove, bending metal is kind of your forte. Car theft is what got you on Fury’s radar after all. Bucky takes the warped keys from you, tucks them in his pocket, and holds your hand. Not all is forgiven, but for now… for now you need him within arms reach to make sure he doesn’t disappear again.

    “So, you two are married. Since when?” Sam catches up to the both of you, having given you space for your lover’s quarrel.

    Not many people know about your relationship with Bucky. Things were… complicated after The Blip. You had waited five years for him, never moving on no matter how much Steve encouraged you to do so.

    You had friends, but you weren’t as close anymore, and your relationship with Bucky was something so close to your heart that sometimes, telling others didn’t feel safe. Bucky, on the other hand, didn’t have many friends, and it took him ages to tell his therapist. It was something she‘d only pried out of him after he’d listed you as his emergency contact. Other than her, the only people who did know were the judge who signed the marriage license and your witness: Steve.

    “Since six months ago,” Bucky replies. Sam is about to ask a follow-up question when a police car siren cuts him off.

    “Gentlemen,” John Walker calls out from the police parking lot sandwiched between the police station and the corporate building next door. “Good to see you again.” He nods in your direction, “Ma’am.” Then when he recognizes you he says, “Wait, you’re an Avenger! You’d be a great addition to our team.”

    Bucky’s hold on your hand grows a little tighter at that, and the three of you stop in front of where John Walker and Lamar Hopkins lean against the doors of a police cruiser. Bucky stands just an inch or two in front of you, as if trying to hide you.

    “There is no team,” Bucky argues.

    “Look, if we divide ourselves, we don’t stand a chance, you guys know that,” Walker continues.

    “So what do you got?” Sam asks, crossing his arms over his chest.

    “Well, the leader’s name’s Karli Morgenthau. We’ve been targeting civilians who’ve been helping Karli move from place to place.” The casual way in which Walker speaks about over-policing groups of people who are already suffering makes you understand Bucky and Sam’s defensive nature.

    “They geo-tag a location, then scramble the signal. But our satellites have found their symbol popping up in various displaced communities all across Central and Eastern Europe,” Lamar explains.

    “We think she’s taking the medicine she just stole to one of these camps,” Walker finishes.

    “Well, there are hundreds of those all over the planet since The Blip. So, I guess you’ll have to look real hard,” Bucky remarks snidely.

    “Good thing I have 20/20 vision, huh?” Walker scowls at Bucky, and the look that Bucky returns is more distasteful than his usual glare.

    “Where is she now, Walker? Do you know?”

    The scowl on Walker’s face deepens at Bucky’s question. “No, we don’t know, Bucky. But, it’s only a matter of time before we find out.”

    “Things are really intense for you, aren’t they, Walker?” Bucky shoots back, taking another step forward and letting go of your hand while Walker pushes himself off of the police car.

    “Take it easy. Walker’s right. It is imperative that we find them and stop them,” Sam cuts in. “But you guys have rules of engagement and all kind of authorizations you have to get. We’re free agents. We’re more flexible. So it wouldn’t make sense for us to work with you.” Sam turns and walks back toward the main road. You and Bucky follow, but Walker isn’t finished:

    “A word of advice, then. Stay the hell out of my way.”

--

    “So, what are you thinking?” Sam is the first to break the silence when you finally reach the parked Cadillac. The one that Bucky only ever drove when he was with you, preferring the motorcycle—which was still at the airfield where he had met Sam three days ago.

    “Well, I know what we have to do. When Isaiah said ‘my people’…” Bucky starts. You remember that name: Isaiah. Bucky had told you about the forgotten supersoldier, the one America never loved enough because of the color of his skin.

    “Oh, don’t take that to heart. That’s not what he meant,” Sam cuts him off.

    “No, he meant HYDRA. HYDRA used to be my people.” You squeeze his hand once, then let go to begin unlocking the car, placing your hand on the door and feeling for the locking mechanisms inside. People really ought to stop making things out of metal.

    Sam scoffs. “Not a chance.”

    “Walker doesn’t have any leads,” Bucky counters. You can see the crinkle in his brow he gets when he has an idea that he knows you won’t like.

    “I know where you’re going with this, no,” Sam says.

    “Where are you going with this?” you chime in, a bit lost in the conversation and still playing catch up to what happened in Germany.

    “Zemo. He knows all of HYDRA’s secrets. Don’t you remember Siberia?”

    “I wish I could forget Siberia,” you grumble.

    “So, what? You’re just gonna go sit in a room with this guy?” Sam questions.

    “Y-yes.” Bucky admits. You want to argue, but you can see by the look on his face that he’s already set on going.

    “Well, if you’re going to see Zemo, then I’m coming too,” you demand, crossing your arms and looking up at him.

    “No, you’re not.” He mirrors your movements and looks down at you.

    “Bucky, where you go, I follow. That was the deal, remember?” You say, holding up your left hand to show him the ring on your finger.

    “Okay then. We’re gonna go see Zemo. The three of us,” Sam decides, opening the car door. Then he smiles at you. “It’s good to be on a team with you again.”

[respectthepetty]

Since I decided the best way to make it through Our Skyy 2 with minimal damage is to drink my way through it, welcome to the second round of

CockTails in the Skyy!

This week's drink is Sun & Stars to celebrate my two precious Sunflowers (JOONGDUNK!) in Star in My Mind:

gin & tonic (to balance the bitter and sweet of this pair's dynamic)

pineapple juice (for that beach vibe)

elder flower syrup and vanilla bean sugar on the rim to add to the sickly sugariness I know I'm in for

"You are every shade of yellow for me, Daonuea."

I made it strong because I already know what happens for SeanMaithee, and with no further tears to cry, let's get this wedding party started, so I can be properly upset.

Bottoms up!

That was a very Lana del Rey's "National Anthem" beginning: "I love him. I love him. I love him."

"How many times did you make me cry? How many times did you break my heart?" <- gin & tonic was the right choice

Too much sweetness (pineapple juice), but I think it will sort itself out with the looks Daonuea is giving right now

The water bottles are blurred, so I'm taking that as a sign to only drink alcohol for these episodes.

Sean and Maithee are too hugged up with each other for this to go the way I know it'll go. I'm already bitter <-gin & tonic was the ONLY choice

The dental students stay doing the most. Mork in Fish Upon the Sky was basically a one-man EMT, Ana in Love Mechanics and Future is checking everyone's temp, and now Kluen is saving all the girlies. Where are the future doctors at?! Coasting?

Hold on! Is Typhoon a future medical doctor? I thought he was a dentist too? Still Dr. Typhoon, but why aren't the doctors doing their volunteer hours in any show ever?!

Min's friend is ON THE GROUND and she is trying to flirt. Priorities, my girl.

Hearing Maithee say he has a date WITH A GIRL, just to hear "O Come All Ye Faithful" right afterwards got me effed up. This is chaotic.

Daonuea is still wearing that sunflower bracelet! Thank goodness for the product placement, so I could see it.

Palm and Kluen both telling their men that they are all they need in life is some real water sign bs. Where are my fire signs?!

Oh snaps! The first episode is already done!

More Sun & Stars for episode 2

Since I'm already a Bitter Body, I went heavy-handed with the gin and skipped the pineapple juice for the second episode. Good choice.

The scene going from Daonuea and Kluen being all lovey-dovey immediately to Typhoon looking at them in his feelings felt like a personal attack. Alexa, play Sam Smith's "I'm Not Here to Make Friends" 'cause "I NEED A LOVER!"

I legit stopped the show so I could hear that song, and now Phoon wants to confess he has someone. Another attack!

The friend group being disgusted by these two is the only appropriate response.

Kluen is being a damn water sign again with his response about how he would feel if they never meet again. You are both 10s, sir! Start acting like it! I just need one of these Bl boys to pop off like Cardi B - "I'm a boss bitch! Who you gonna leave me for?"

There is ham and cheese in the spaghetti. Is that a thing?

"Why did you two stop fighting?" - Because they joined the music club and exchanged colors, duh.

I cannot be rational about JoongDunk. I CANNOT!

Prince was too busy talking to his time-traveling boyfriend in Midnight Museum to film a cameo, I see.

Everyone walking away from Pawin is why I'm a captain of the "Pawin's Milkshake Brings All the Boys to the Yard" step team

Daonuea saying Noel is hard to approach is SLANDER!

Kluen is salty like them Lay's chip GMMTV snatched from WinTeam and Between Us with all these boys in his room.

I'm so glad Typhoon and Daonuea can be friends too considering the violence that ensued last time.

God, I miss the (unnecessary) drama.

I noticed this on The Warp Effect, but Joong stays looking soft yet sensual.

Where is King's mom from Bed Friend to dunk on this ring? Because this ain't it, sir. Is the star a sapphire? Is the center of the sunflower a pearl? Diamond? ¿Qué es esto?

Rose petals are romantic and all, but let's stick to the theme. Where are the sunflower petals?!

What in the Blair Witch Project was that tree lantern thing?

Kluen saying he used up all his luck snagging Daonuea is so . . . he is a Cancer? A Pisces?! WHAT IS THIS?! He was not laying it on this thick in the show.

Oh, thank goodness, it ended right when I ran out of gin.

For the rating, the drink and the episodes were too sweet, yet somehow still very bitter because no SeanMaithee. I got JoongDunk, a proposal, and alcohol, so I'll take my wins where I can get them.

7/10 CockTails for doing its job but being bittersweet.

I'm going to have to make my Jack Nasty much stronger than I planned for next week's episodes of The Eclipse considering we are getting that strange teacher/student relationship.

"this is a god damn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation"

[ghostwirter]

Dean's Lover

Season 1, Episode: 2, Welcome Home

Last time on episode of Dean's Lover........

Dean was scrolling through his laptop because he was looking for a hunt that Sam and he could do until he got an email from someone from Mystic Falls.

Dean decided to click on the email and read it. When he was reading the email and saw that it was the sheriff who emailed him. As he can see she was asking him for help.

Sam glanced over at him. "What did you find?"

Dean glances towards Sam. "Yeah. A sheriff from Mystic Falls emails me." He should it to him as he does want to help and he knows that he will see Rose again.

Sam looked at the email and then looked at Dean because he knew that this would be a bad idea for them to take this hunt. "Dean..." He pauses for a moment then clears his throat. " Maybe let Rose take care of it."

"Why?" Dean didn't understand why Sam didn't want to take this hunt. "We are only there for the hunt."

Sam knows how his brother is when it comes to Rose and he doesn't want Dean to do anything stupid that could cause Dean and Rose to break up. "Just trust me. I'll send a text to her.

When Rose walked into the mason she didn't think that she would be seeing Stefan in the living room and this did cause the room to have tension. Everyone could feel it till Rose rolled her eyes walked out of the living room and headed upstair to her room.

Damon walked in and he saw everyone glance over to me. "What happened?" He looked at them because he knew that something had happened but he was looking at Stefan.

"Rose saw Stefan and she went upstairs," Bonnie tells Damon.

Damon let out a sigh. "Stefan, you shouldn't have done this to her." He can see that Stefan is getting uncomfortable.

"Did it what is best for her!" Stefan stood up and looked at Damon because he knew that Rose is angry at him.

Damon shook his head. "Bullshit." He glares at Stefan before he goes upstairs to check on Rose. He just wanted to make sure that she was okay. This made everyone look at Sefan because they wanted to know what he did to Rose.

When Damon made it to Rose's room, he knocked on the door but waited for her to answer. "Rose? It's me. Damon." He stood before her door and waited for her to open the door. when he heard Rose's footsteps coming to the door.

Rose opened the door and walked away and she went to her bed. "Why is he here?" She glanced at Damon because she really didn't want to see Stefan there.

Damon sighed and walked in while he shut the door. "Honestly, I don't know. But I know what he did wasn't okay."

"He made Dean and Sam forget about me!" Rose snapped at Damon because she was angry with Stefan. "Now I have to start all over again with them."

"Wait, are you seeing them again?" Damon asked her as he walked towards her. "What are you going to do if Stefan finds out?"

"He won't. " Rose hoped that Damon wouldn't tell Stefan about it as she watched him rub his face and she heard him let out a sigh.

"Are you dating one of them?" Damon looks at her with a serious facial expression.

Rose glances away from Damon. "Dean Winchester." She glances back at him. "Please Damon, don't tell Stefan." She really doesn't want Dean to get hurt or worse killed.

"So that's the reason why you don't come home that much?" Damon walked over and sat on her bed. He just wanted to know more about his little sister.

"Yes. And I am here only here for five days." Rose looked at Damon, she really hoped that Damon wouldn't tell Stefan. "Promise me that you won't tell Stefan."

Damon knew that Rose did care about the Winchester brothers and he knew that she would be protected from them. "I promise." He pull her into a hug. "I am happy to see you again."

Rose hugs him back then pull away. "So what has happened since I been gone?" She wanted to know everything.

Damon chuckles and shakes his head. "Well....we have been dealing with Katherine."

"Wait, that slut of a cunt was here?!" Rose stood up because she can't stand Katherine because she knew how Katherine treated her brother and she really want Katherine dead. "Why didn't you call me?!"

"Stefan didn't want you to get hurt." Damon already knew what Rose was going to say next. "I already knew what you were going to say next."

"Stefan doesn't care about me." Rose rolled her eyes and she knew the truth and knew how Stefan felt about her. She looked at him as she put her hair into a messy bun.

"Stefan does care about you," Damon remembers the day when Stefan ran to him and told him that Rose was dying. "I still remember the day that you died when he told me."

Rose made a puff sound and she shook her head as she chuckled. "Do you really believe what he said?" She looked at him then she could see that Damon did believe him. "Oh, my sweet dear brother." She placed her hand on Damon's hand as she looked at him. "He was the one who gave Katherine the green light to turn me into a vampire."

Damon couldn't believe that Stefan did that to her. "What. Stefan let Katherine turn you." He was angry with Stefan for lying to him causing him to get up and walk out of the Rose's room as he was going to take care of Stefan.

Damon came down the stairs and walked towards Stefan which caused him to push Stefan very hard. "You let Katherine turn our little sister into a vampire when she was only thirteen!"

"I did what I had to do!" Stefan got onto his feet as he looked at Damon.

"No, you did that because you know what is best for everyone else." Damon glares at Stefan as he wants to punch him but everything in his bones is telling him not to because he doesn't want to do that.

"She doesn't know what she wants." Stefan thinks that Rose can't make her own choice. "I had to do what was best for her!"

Damon rolled his eyes. "Rose isn't a kid anymore. And what do you know what is best for her?" He wasn't going to let Stefan treat Rose like this. "You can't keep treating her like she is some pet."

[forensicated]

Ginathon Episodes: Episode 232

At the end of the last episode there was an explosion at the Lord Banbury pub where the summer party is being held. Most of the Sun Hill staff are able to make their way outside on their own feet, some with light injuries and most just shocked or coughing from the smoke. Gina looks for Adam but noone has seen him come out yet. There's secondary bangs inside the building from the structure being unstable and Gina quickly calls for a fire officer to come assess the situation. Tony can't wait and runs back in to find Adam and get him out before the building collapses. There's a further collapse that blocks the exit but Tony manages to kick the fire escape doors open and carries an unconcious Adam out over his shoulder.

Unknown to everyone except Gina, Adam has been receiving racist hate mail for quite some time through the internal mail. Back at the station and unaware of what has happened, Rob slips an envelope into Adam's pigeon hole whilst wearing a glove.

The pub is sealed off and SO13 are called to attend. Sam suggests a gas leak but Gina says none of the witnesses or officers mention smelling gas. She did spot Wayne Radford driving away when she arrived however. Instantly Rob is riled. "It could be a bomb!" Jack tells him not to get ahead of himself and to go make himself useful.

The latest news is that Adam is critical and Gina heads to her car to go and be with him at the hospital. Jonathan arrives, having rushed to the scene. Gina is still obviously in shock and worried about Adam but assures Jonathan she's OK and that it would take more than an explosion to get rid of her. Jonathan hugs her and says their last few conversations had been snapping and things could have ended so differently. He offers to go with her but she assures him she'll be ok and doesn't know how long she'll be so she'll call him when leaving.

Back at the station, Jack has found the note in Adam's internal mail and has started to think that he could have been targeted by a racist. Rob says he was sent one too and that it has to be Wayne Radford, panicking when Jack won't be swayed.

Gina is still sat at Adam's bedside when Neil comes to see how he is doing. It still doesn't look good as he's inhaled so much smoke. [Out of interest, they're saying it doesn't look good. but noone appears to have contacted his wife. It's Gina who's at his bedside for hours. This is all of a day after she called him out for being jealous she was seeing Jonathan too...] The next 24 hours are critical.

The next morning Adam starts to come round with Gina at his bedside. Jonathan is worried as he hasn't heard from Gina. It's early days but the signs are good. Jack tells uniform that the explosion was caused by a bomb and that Adam received a racist hate note.

Rob and Terry look into The Radford's involvement in the potential planting of the bomb. Rob watches the CCTV from a furniture shop across the road. Wayne arrives 2 minutes before and carries a parcel from the boot in the direction of the pub. Wayne gets back into his car seconds after the explosion and drives off. When spoken to, Wayne tells them that he was dropping off a birthday cake at Mario's, the bistro around the corner from the pub for a surprise party. Before they can leave the Radfords, it appears as though the 'bomber' may have struck again. Jerome Taylor, a local black councillor, reports he has been beaten up, told to leave Sun Hill and that he's been receiving hate mail. Rob doesn't look all that convinced, not least because it's been him and Taylor sending Adam the hate mail. He's horrified to hear about the bombing and Adam being hurt however - aware that if the notes are discovered to have come from him and Rob it makes them the most likely suspects.

Adam recounts what he remembers to Gina though it isn't especially helpful. He tells her that Denise has already asked him to leave Sun Hill over the hate mail. Gina admits he gave even her quite a scare and made her wonder if it was worth it. Adam tells her that she'll never walk away from the job as she has 'copper' coursing through her veins. She just smiles and says she's going to make times for other things - relationships for one.

Adam: "You mean Jonathan. For you to even be considering resigning there must be love in the air." Gina: "Oh give over!" Adam: "It's nothing to be ashamed of. You should tell him how you feel." Gina: "It's not me is it... all that lovey dovey stuff." Adam: "So you do love him then." Gina: "Something like that." Adam: "You can go out into the streets, take on dangerous criminals but when it comes to the man you love, you can't say three little words"

Jonathan and Gina finally catch up where she apologises for not ringing. Gina spots Lance before she can take Jonathan to her office to tell him something special and asks him to wait a moment. Tony has told Gina that Lance is struggling after he was unable to go help Tony get Adam out the pub and she goes to speak to him to make sure he's alright. Now Lance has gotten his phone and jacket back from Gina he's rather concerned by some messages that he has received. One in particular asks him to meet him by the gents toilets in the pub - where the bomb was - sent moments before it exploded.

Gina finally gets chance to speak to Jonathan. She wants to tell him that she's fallen in love with him and wants to prioritise their relationship, but unfortunately Jonathan is fed up of playing second best to the job. He speaks over her and tells her he thinks it's best to split up. "It's not that I don't love you, Gina. I'm sure I always will but I can't be in a relationship where I'm playing second fiddle." "But that's what I was going to say to you!" "Being a copper is what you are. It wouldn't be fair for me to try and change it, you'd only resent me for it anyway. It's time to call it a day." The barriers come slamming down again and Gina turns her back on him. "You know it's for you too... it's best all round." Instead of replying and telling him the truth - that she wanted to make more time for them and loves him - she shuts down and literally turns her back on him rather than let him see the truth, tears pricking her eyes.

She also turns down an invite from the relief to go out for a drink, still sounding rather choked ad she does.

[winderlylandchime]

2/2 Mikey is now at Brian’s loft: ‘mike, fix the mess you made. Poor Bri Bri, he looks so bad (he now paused the episode to laugh at Brian’s Chernobyl line. He is so easily impressed with Brian) mike..i doubt he will ever eat chicken soup, he barely eats. FOR FUCKS SAKE BRIAN STOP BEING A BITCH AND ACCEPT SOME HELP. *lets out an actual gasp* IS MIKEY GONNA STAND UP FOR JUSTIN?! TELL HIM MIKE! YES HE IS HIS LOVER! YES! FINALLY MIKE, THAT WAS A SHITTY WAY TO TREAT HIM! I cannot believe im about to say this but mikey..you might have officially made it off my shit list forever.’ Brian says Justin wouldve left anyway ‘what the fuck? Says who? He wouldnt leave you! I cant decide if this is his anger over cancer or what but dudeeeeee stop it! Go back to Justin, if not for you, do it for me’ And we are at Drew’s party ‘im sorry what did he just say? What a piece of shit. Spit in his food. Oooor talk to him..i guess that’s more mature. Yeah, tell this little bitch that he’s a little bitch!’ ‘Im sorry but i just doubt that Lindsay would miss these classes! I mean come on she was all insane over being a mom in the beginning? What is this bullshit? Its giving straight men vibe, you know what I mean?’ And we are at Mikey and Justins scene ‘COME ON BLONDIE STOP BEING STUBBORN AND GO TO OUR MAN! There is no way he’d just let him go like that when Brian is sick. This is bullshit. MIKE DO SOMETHING. (Justin says brian being sick doesnt concern him anymore and he pauses tv) what the fuck is this bullshit?! Nah. Maybe if something horrible happened, id get this. Id even get this during the *makes a grossed out face* ethan era but now? Fuck no. Our boyfriend has cancer and he’s just chill? After he cried and held him the way he did?! Who the fuck wrote this shit? *clicks play* TELL HIM MIKE! fucks sake Justin! Use your big brain! Exactly Mike! GO TO HIM JUSTIN, OH COME ON!!!’ And we are at lindsay and sam scene ‘oh for fucks sake. What is this bullshit and why do I have to suffer it? My baby Bri Bri is sick, my baby Blondie is being stubborn and not listening to me and they think I care about whatever this is.’ He just fake gagged and made a grossed out face to sam and lindsay hugging. And we are at Ben/Mike scene ‘you know what? I never thought id say this but Mike deserves better. He’s been so supportive of Ben and even kept quiet about his own success only for this dick to be a dick to him. I now like mike so he deserves better.’ And we are at Drew/Em scene!! ‘Ugh him again. Fuck you dude bro. Emmett be careful! Something is off about this guy. (Drew makes a move on Emmett) um..what is going on? THIS IS WHAT THAT JUSTIN AND BRIAN FIGHT SCENE WAS SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE! Wait..what the fuck dude? I thought he was straight? Okay get it em..i think’ and back to Ben and his student ‘i dont like this shit. What the fuck is this shit? Why is everyone acting so fucking weird and stupid?’ ‘BRIAN! You’re supposed to be resting. He looks like shit. Bri, go home please and call Justin. *he giggled like a little kid* i like how Ted and I both call him Bri. Yes, go home and call JUSTIN FOR FUCKS SAKE! (Brian walks in his loft to Justin cooking) JUSTIN! BLONDIE IS HERE!!! HE MADE HIM SOUP! Brian stop being a bitch! YES BLONDIE TELL HIM. (justin snapped at Brian) OH MY GOD! TELL HIM BABY! YOU GO GIRL! EXACTLY HE CANT HANDLE THIS ON HIS OWN! YOU GO BABY! YEAH BRIAN WHY WOULD YOU THINK HED LEAVE! Babies, before this goes bad, how about none of us leave? *stands up and literally puts his hands in the air and claps* YES GET YOUR ASS BACK IN BED AND EAT CHICKEN SOUP! I guess he will eat soup. HA! Remember when Debbie said he met his match?’ He then paused on Britin in bed at the end and walked to the tv and pointed at it while looking at me and went ‘THIS! THIS IS ALL I WANT! Is that too much to ask for? Now give me the next episode!’

I cannot believe im about to say this but mikey..you might have officially made it off my shit list forever.

Forever is a long long time, I’m curious how he’s going to react to S5 Mikey…

Lindsay would absolutely not miss the birthing classes. That was so out of character. CowLip really did not care what they did with their lesbian representation.

Ben is such a shit in this whole storyline. Michael has the bad luck to be with men who seemingly like him partially because his career is less impressive than their (Dr. David I’m looking at you.) Toxic masculinity, you even infect the queer men.

Okay his entire reaction to the chicken soup line (YOU GO GIRL) just made my night.

Brian did meet his match in Justin. That’s why they are OTP.

[mlobsters]

supernatural s10e16 paint it black (w. brad buckner, eugenie ross-leming)

so i gather there's recaps before these episodes, but they're not on netflix? i've seen mention of music or whatever in the recap. but i'm gettin none. going in blind and more confused than usual 🥴

crowley and rowena snapping at each other in this little throne room is getting a little tiring

s10e16 / s2e13

these church steps look like the houses of the holy ones, but maybe it's just the framing of the shot being down low. aha, it is indeed noted the same church on the wiki. only reason i noticed probably because i took a lot of screenshots of that scene, twice

sam's sure being a grumpy grumperson. what crawled up his ass and died. being worried about dean is coming out bitchy? is he still worried or was that 2 episodes ago? :p

steve elliott / henry thomas

thought this was the dude from the flanagan shows for a hot second

deep thoughts, why do the demons smoke out but not visibly smoke... in (to be sneaky and so we have to something to see when they leave, i know i know)

weren't there evil nuns in that church where... they killed lilith? trying to dredge up the memory. ah no, possessed priest who killed the nuns. i knew (a) nunnery was involved. these nuns sure are all dolled up and pretty, swanky dark gray habits

i don't understand what's going on here between sam and dean. lot of faces being made, dean is not exactly flirting with the nun but sam's acting like he is? i'm lost. and not even a little bit intoxicated!

DEAN I got a question. How does someone, uh, like you end up, you know…? SISTER MATHIAS Cloistered away from the world? [Chuckles] Are you making fun of me, Agent Allman? DEAN No. No, No. I, Uh… I guess I’m just wondering how somebody quits one life for something completely different and – and then believe in it so much. SISTER MATHIAS Well [sighs] in my case, I felt I had no choice. My life had become painful. There was hopelessness. I felt I had to find something larger than myself to focus on. A kind of mission, I guess. You have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m sure.

are we trying to do something with dean and the mark here *squints* dean and sam join a monastery!

DEAN Tell me you didn’t think that nun was hot. I think she had a little thing for me too. SAM Dean, she was married to Jesus.

speaking of mentioning jesus :p i guess that was supposed to be flirting. it did go there bit more once sam went to wave around his little meter.

s1e14 boop boop

do we ever talk about the time when they had a thing with fake green lasers in s1? i'm embarrassed whenever i think about it lol. so awkward, never to return

all right rowena's over the top fake bow made me laugh

olivette / the x-files s2e11 - teryl rothery as michelle charters / stargate: sg-1 - teryl rothery as dr jane fraiser

this olivette actress i definitely know, but i'm not sure what from. she was in the xfiles and the killing, but maybe from sg1? she was in a lot of episodes. maybe caprica but i'm convinced i've forgotten 95% of that show

are rowena and olivette gonna make out? conflicting vibes

losing my mind over this ridiculous nun/painter man drama sideplot. and the makeup on these ladies is a lot more obvious than tv makeup on someone so young like this usually is

lot of coverage and visibly powdered down matte. odd. what time is this flashback occurring? olden times?

spn s10e16 / hannibal s3e6

are they in florence? lol was like this reminds me of hannibal and bedelia in front of that window. haha if i had waited literally 1 second, i would have had my question answered. yes. anyway, go me. identifying landmarks left and right today

guess we know who's whackin the dudes. god i just need to finish this episode but i'm dragging my feet. sigh. rowena, the ~grand coven~ and beef with the men of letters now. great

well at least this can't be as awkward as when he was making all the people horny in that purity pledge group

DEAN What if I said I…I didn’t want to die…yet, you know, that I wasn’t ready? FATHER DELANEY Are you expecting to? DEAN Always. [Chuckles] You know, the life I live, the work I do…I pretty much just figured that that was all there was to me, you know? Tear around and jam the key in the ignition and haul ass until I ran out of gas. I guess I just thought sooner or later, I’d go out the same way that I live – pedal to the metal, and that would be it. FATHER DELANEY But now? DEAN Now, um… recent events, uh… make me think I might be closer to that than I really thought. And…I don’t know. I mean, you know, there’s – there’s things, there’s…people, feelings that I-I-I want to experience differently than I have before, or maybe even for the first time.

um. okay. taking off the wincest goggles briefly, is that like. wanting to settle down with someone? what feelings/people he wants to experience differently or for the first time? having kids or being in love-in love (implying that he wasn't with lisa, so i dunno). it's vague enough you could surely apply it to your ship of choice. but i'm trying to Be Reasonable about what they're implying

FATHER DELANEY Go a little deeper, perhaps, than with Gina. DEAN Yeah. Yeah, I’m just starting to think that… maybe there’s more to it all than I thought. FATHER DELANEY Learning there’s more to the universe than your tiny world can be a frightening discovery. Do you truly believe in God, Agent? Because that can be a comfort DEAN I believe there is a God. But I’m not sure he still believes in us.

what about the gods in religions that also have large followings currently that aren't christianity? presumably they'd be powerful too. i mean. i should be thankful they're not trying to drag them into the show

fucking fuck stupid startle reflex TWICE they've cut over to rowena slapping this woman and startled the shit out of me. i like her red dress though

perpetually the winchesters, indeed

so is sam reading 16th century ghost lady's journal in italian?

ISABELLA [VOICE OVER] But it wasn’t enough. [ISABELLA cuts off her own finger.] I told Piero to gind the flesh, blood, and bone into the pigment.

excuse me. i laughed. nonsense

SAM You know… you were in that confessional a long time. Look, man, I’m just saying, I’m your brother, Dean. If you ever need to talk about anything with anybody, you got somebody right here next to you. DEAN Okay. SAM I heard what Sister Mathias was saying about, you know, hiding pain by taking on a mission, and I-I know that’s what you’re doing a little bit. And it’s okay. I mean, it’s fine. I get it. I’ve done it before, too. But… I don’t buy for one second that the Mark is a terminal diagnosis, so don’t go making peace with that idea. There has to be a way. There will be a way, and we will find it. That’s what we do. So, believe that. DEAN Okay, Sammy.

reminding me a bit of dean's speech from s7e2 with sam and the hallucifer psychosis

s7e2 DEAN I am your flesh-and-blood brother, okay? I'm the only one who can legitimately kick your ass in real time. You got away. We got you out, Sammy. Believe in that. Believe me, okay? You gotta believe me. You've gotta make it stone number one and build on it.

just, it's difficult to see talking of relationships and feelings to be about people outside of the sam and dean bubble, since at the end of the day that's where they draw the line. i mean, you could have a relationship with sam where you do actually go to him to talk about the important things, novel concept :P (but same goes for you, sam).

and another thought was just they seem to be nudging dean away from his self destructive tendencies, which is also some growth. maybe. i say that now so surely that means he's about to do something spectacularly stupidbad. i dunno, man. i need to sleep.

[dyed-red]

Okay but I actually think that would be a super fascinating story??

I don't mean it in an anti-John way at all though!

(There's that post going around right now about saying the same thing as someone else but feeling the opposite way? Like "this character is such a freak" and they're saying "freak (derogatory)" but you're saying "freak (affectionate) (sexy)"? Yeah like that)

Like - imagine John makes the deal with Azazel but it's only for the colt and John is actually fine. Or maybe Azazel was like "John you sexy little minx, just for that stellar kiss I'm gonna give you a whole year to live just to see how much you fuck up the psyche of my favourite candidate for kingship in the meantime"

And John is now once again faced with the dread and burden of knowing that Azazel wants Sam for a dark destiny, probably knowing that Azazel did something to him in his nursery, maybe even knowing about the blood...

And season 2 he's in contact with Sam and Dean and we see him intermittently even if they're still hunting without him because there's just too much friction with him around, and he keeps looking at Sam brokenhearted and watchful all at once and it's under Sam's skin but he won't explain why. He dodges Sam's questions about what he knows about the demon's plans for him and it almost (or actually) comes to blows.

(He gets regular updates from Dean about Sam and his powers. He refuses to go to the Roadhouse but tells them over the phone they can trust Ellen, but for the love of God don't flirt with her daughter, Dean, and definitely don't sleep with her.)

We see snippets of John borrowing demonology books from Bobby and Bobby eyeing him so unimpressed and telling him that keeping the boys in the dark isn't doing them any favours. John's acerbic reply that they aren't Bobby's sons, and then a beat, a pause that gives way to a more helpless moment slipping through the cracks, what would you do? He's my son, Bob. I can't - the other kids, every last one of them, they... (fade to black, episode end, on John's stricken face and Bobby's slightly shamed one, looking away to give John privacy and not having an answer for him).

And Crossroad Blues still happens and Dean ends up realising that John made a deal with the demon who killed their mother in order to save him, and he's full of horror and betrayal and gratitude all at once. His dad saved him. His dad consorted with the enemy. His dad gave up a chance to shoot the demon in the head in order to save Dean. His dad betrayed the memory of Mary and everything they've done for the last 20 years.

He sneaks out to find and confront John, privately without Sam, and John has been doing such a shit job of faking it and John has always put too much on Dean and treated him halfway like a spouse to share his burdens and he finally just - spills it. All of it. The deal for the colt, but that was foregone, so more critically, that he's watching Sam because he might have to kill him. That he's already killed some of the so-called special children this year and that's what he's been doing while Sam and Dean have been hunting.

He tells Dean they have to save Sam or kill him.

Dean realizes - that's why he's been keeping his distance. Why he's been getting updates from Dean about not just Sam's visions and other powers but his moods, his actions. Why he looked scared for a moment in an episode at the start of the season when Sam made something rattle with his mind, why he snapped at *Dean* when he left that day and told him to watch his brother, to keep him in check.

John tells Dean he's only got a year, that he has to take care of it this year. He's watching, waiting, and if they lose Sam, if Sam turns-

And Dean... snaps. Not in a display of over the top punching fighting whatever. He snaps cold and quietly savage. His voice gets low and restrained and angry as he accuses John of all this, accuses that John would kill his own kid, will kill his own kid.

Did you sell yourself to save me or did you just do it so you'd have a backup plan. So that someone would be around to finish the job if you couldn't.

John flinching, imploring (their roles reversed, Dean's never had one over on his father, John's never had to apologise to Dean, even with just his tone and body language and eyes) - we have to, Dean. If we can't save him - we have to kill him. And if you don't, I will.

It's that last line that does it. The threat against Sam. It's ingrained deeper than duty, deeper than love, deeper than his father. Protect Sam. John is the most dangerous threat to Sam imaginable, because Sam would never see it coming, might not fight it even if he did.

Dean shoots John. It's fast, instinct, sudden as hell and the audience should all jump in their seats at how immediate and unexpected it is after John's line.

The chest, not the head. Dean went for the heart. It gives us a second to see John's expression change, fucked up gratitude and relief and understanding. He lets out the words thank you so quietly we're not sure if we imagined it.

Dean goes from stoic grim protector-executioner (this our shadow and hint of what's to come) to horrified and devastated in a blink, the reality of what he just did crashing down on him from all sides. He didn't even think -

(but did he? He came here to confront the man. He came with a loaded weapon. Did he know on some level, even before? Has this been brewing in some unexamined recess of his mind for months? Since when?).

He didn't think he just acted. He -

There's just so much meat to this, to the absolute horror of it. How can he face Sam, face Bobby, face Ellen, face himself? But he had to protect Sam. There was no other option (was there?). And what if Sam does go evil and what can he do to save him and what if it was for no reason and what gives him the right and -

He killed one family member to save another, an impossible trade-off, and he might end up losing both anyway. He might end up killing both anyway. He can't. It's -

It's just, it's a lot.

Sam finding out in the back half of the season, finding out why, and the messed up complex of emotions this engenders, fear and anger and grief and revulsion and gratitude and culpability and responsibility. Some parallels to how Dean felt earlier in realising his father sold the colt and had only a year left to live because of him. Dean trying to justify himself (or Sam trying to absolve him?) by the fact John was on a timer anyway, this ringing hollow even to himself. Dean's own overwhelming desperate gratitude that Sam sticks by him even after uncovering this truth, how this shuttles their codependency ever forward.

The layer this adds to Meg possessing Sam, maybe she spills the beans to Jo or to Bobby about what Dean did. The layer this adds to Playthings and Sam begging Dean to honor the same dying wish that Dean killed John for asking of him. This is half what Dean was afraid of, that Sam would let him. The ensuing justified anger he has with Sam over daring to ask that of him.

And good god, All Hell Breaks Loose. I can't even - it's just. Dean doesn't care. He's lost it all, he killed his father. He needs to save his brother. He needs to. He can't live with what he did if he isn't able to save Sam.

(Azazel loves this family, he really does. Dean might be his favourite and that's saying something. He's so excited to see him in hell, so surprised when he gets shot in the head. John escaping hell and forgiving dean has this added weight to it too now, the look they share. Ahhh)

But honestly, Dean's headspace, he really and truly believes he deserves to go to Hell for what he did to John. Believes he'd be going anyway even without the deal, so what's the harm in something good coming out of it? At least this way he knows the timeline for when he's got his ticket down.

And of course Sam was already desperate to save Dean in canon but it's even more fervent here because he can't accept that Dean could ever deserve such a punishment for protecting him, for saving him, and so savagely asserts that John was the one with the one way ticket down regardless of when, if he was planning on killing his kid, if he was demanding his other kid help him act as executioner.

It's a mess. It's so painful. There's absolutely zero righteousness in it, even if it does make him the righteous man. God asked Abraham to kill Isaac and Abraham obeyed, and because of that loyalty it was God who stayed his hand. Dean did not trust in God his father.

(But if the reading is correct that Abraham lost god's favour for not questioning that order then Dean claimed righteousness here and the right to be Michael's true vessel as a result of that action, whether he or Michael is ready to stomach that.)

Because a good son obeys, and the angels and Michael are perturbed by Dean's actions, that he maintains a position of righteousness despite them. Perturbed that, if we take the screenshots above to their full extent, this is the First Seal. A righteous son killing his father.

But it can't be just any righteous son or any righteous reason, because that's happened more times than history can count. It has to be a righteous son killing a father who is on a holy mission against evil, whose motives are pure and whose soul is clean of ill intent. Killing an evil father doesn't cut it. A selfish son killing a loving father doesn't cut it. Wartime enmity among humans ideals doesn't cut it, crimes of passion don't cut it. It has to be this. Has to be a righteous man spilling the blood of his noble and most righteous father. An evil act without any evil to its name. It's a seal on the devil's cage, of course it has to be this, has to be a good and true and unrebellious son's disobedience.

I also like the timeline here, and the idea that the first seal breaks in season 2 without us yet having any idea, but that that's what Azazel's chosen general / boyking was for, to be a topside leader in the push to break the others. So Azazel's army and Lilith get out in AHBL but are disorganised in S3 still, but seals are breaking, and that's at least part of the escalation in craziness we see in s3 with things like the seven deadly sins and the war they're all talking about, the war Sam and Dean are already fighting but don't really understand. And that's part of the mystery that Ruby uses to bait Sam, this war and the notion that Lilith isn't just after Dean for his deal, that she's interested in him for what he did to daddy dearest. That's unsettling to Sam, to say the least.

The angels still only reveal themselves when they drag Dean out of hell. They've spent the last year successfully battling hell's disorganised armies, but lost some too (the gates opening in AHBL and the sins escaping could have been a seal), but the situation was "largely under control" until Lilith decided to step up properly and consolidate power. Until Dean died and Sam dovetailed. They've been losing ground ever since, ever since they had to send so many soldiers into hell to save Dean, lost so many, and the situation is becoming urgent.

And oof, when Michael later takes John's form to introduce himself to Dean in the past? Dean is just... so uncomfortable. So disquieted. Michael telling him what a good son does and doesn't do, and that he will be Michael's vessel, and Michael will restore his skin to virtue and cleanse out his disobedience. That hellfire had only barely just begun to scrape Dean clean of that sin.

I'm not even touching how this would also impact on the demon blood drinking story and season 4, on Sam's rage and his lies and the sense of betrayal Dean has over all of it, considering. Tbh I actually think this would massively change season 4, would necessarily change how Sam sees Dean and the degree to which his own powers are a danger, and would change his understanding of Dean's fear of Sam using those powers. Dean murdered their father to protect Sam, Dean thought he deserved hell for protecting Sam from John. Using his powers isn't just about himself and his own humanity, it's about Dean's lost humanity too.

Suffice to say I honestly don't think Sam's actions would follow the same trajectory here, regardless of his pride and his need to make something good out of the way he was violated and his desire for control. Regardless of how good it feels. He'd still end up doing some of the same things, still manipulated by Ruby, still testing his powers and drinking blood, but maybe in a different order, and maybe either less likely or less able to hide it from Dean. If the panic room needed to happen in this verse, it would be Sam going at gunpoint, not because Dean needs the gun though, because he'd go willingly after the look on Dean's face, but the gun would remind them both of what Dean's done and what he's willing to do. Or god - what if Dean found out and didn't dare put him in the panic room because what if Bobby or anyone else finds out and tries to take Sam from him like John was going to? What if angels fed dean false info that he could purify his brother if he took him to this specific church but oops oh no Lilith is there. What if Ruby tells Sam he can burn out the blood from himself if he uses it all up, blows his entire shot on killing Lilith?

(But honestly teasing out those s4 differences coherently would take another hour of typing on my phone and I'm tapped out so...)

Anyway I get why you screenshotted this to vent but it fully gave me shrimp colour vision and I just spent 2hrs on my new phone with its clumsy new keyboard spilling serious brainworms so... at least some credit from me to whichever heller OP that was, 10/10 thanks for the great idea and unsatisfying execution, that combination is the standard source of all my best inspiration ❤

On the one hand, sure, kripke's idea that dean kills john before the pilot could've been a good story.

On the other hand, i had to read this bullshit with my own two eyes

[roonyxx]

Wild (3/3)

Summary: Dean kicks you out of the bunker after he realizes his feeling for you are too strong. He does it for you own protection. But he just pushed you into the wrong hands… 

Warnings: angst, Dean’s kinda a dick, language, mentions of previous torture, TW talk about sexual assault and rape and abuse.

Pairing: Dean x reader

Wordcount: 3369

A/N:  This series will exist out of three parts and is a little dark so heed the warnings peope! ( implies: mentions of torture, mentions of rape, mentions of sexual assualt). This was a request for the lovely @pictures-inmy-mind​​ (omg I’m so sorry it took me forever…) “the reader is close with the Winchester brothers. Dean and the reader have feelings for each other but Dean is a dick and causes the reader to leave because he’s scared. Couple of years later they discovers she’s on the monster auctioning humans site like in season 13 episode 11 of the show. Once they are reunited Dean confesses how he’s really felt and ends with some sweet smut!”

And I also put in the prompt  “you’re not giving me much of a choice” for @msmarvelouswinchester​​ chans1Kspinthewheel challenge! I hope you both enjoy it :)

A/N 2: The text divider is from the very talented @talesmaniac89

Part 1/3, Part 2/3

My Masterlist​

Another three months have passed and Y/n is doing much better. She talking, walking and she’s even wearing shoes and pants!

Her memory also came back, meaning she remembers that Dean kicked her out…

And she’s pissed at him. Apart from ignoring him, she has been a total bitch towards him. He can understand why, it’s his fault that all of this happened to her. So instead of telling her off, he allows her pestering. Because he deserves it.

When he enters the kitchen she’s sitting at a chair, stuffing her face with a sandwich he made earlier.

“Hey Y/n”

The only answer he gets is a low growl. He’s convinced that the growling is something that will stick. He doesn’t mind, he finds it kinda cute.

He sighs and sits opposite her. He really misses her as a friend and wonders if there is any chance to fix what he broke.

“Y/n?” he starts “I know you totally hate me and all but uhm… is there any chance we can be friends again?”

She looks up at Dean and swallows her last bite. “Not sure” she answers. “Why do you want to be friends. You didn’t want it five years ago” she snaps at him.

“I… I know Y/n…” he sighs “That was the biggest mistake I ever made and I really regret doing that to you.” He starts “If I could go back I would never do it”

She looks at him, holding his gaze. She’s very intimidating

The Y/n he knew before all this shit happened would have never looked at him like this. She was too shy to even look him in the eyes. Now she’s the one intimidating him.

“If I didn’t get caught. Would you still regret it?” she asks him.

“Yes” he says in a heartbeat. Because he does regret it. The second she stepped out he wanted to pull her back in. But he thought he was protecting her…

“Yeah, sure” she scoffs “You were just tired of me. I was too weak to be with you”

“Weak? Y/n you’re not weak” Dean frowns.

“Not anymore. They broke me, build me back up to be stronger” Y/n huffs.

It’s the first time she’s opening up about what happened, Dean carefully tries to go deeper.

“Well you definitely are stronger. How did they ‘build’ you back up?”

“In the beginning I had hope” she starts, her eyes on the table “The hope that anyone would find me. I dreamed of you and Sam coming to rescue me. But you never came” her voice stays emotionless “That was the first thing that broke me. Having no hope” she takes a deep breath before continuing “Then came the torture. Cutting, punching, burns, the whole nine. I begged them to kill me. But I was too valuable”

“Valuable? How do you mean?” Dean dares to ask.

Her eyes snap up to his, a simmering fire raging behind them, but her body language is calm. Dean is not sure whether she is going to punch him or continue.

“I knew where the bunker was, where the Winchester were, what your favorite food was. They wanted to know everything.”

His heart drops to his stomach. He never even considered that they would use her to get to them. He opens his mouth to say something but his words are stuck in his throat.

“Don’t worry. I never said something” she leans back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Why not… they might have let you go if you did”

“Because you’re still my family, even though you kicked me out. I wasn’t gonna turn my back on you. Besides, the world needs the Winchester’s more then me. I kinda figured they would give up and kill me” she shrugs like it’s nothing.

“Jesus Y/n…” Dean rubs his face “You should have told them.”

“They weren’t gonna let me go anyways. It wouldn’t have mattered for me”

“You don’t know that” he huffs.

“I do. They had other reasons to keep me” she sighs, her eyes cast down to the floor. She starts squirming in her chair and Dean can tell she’s uncomfortable. So he stays quiet. Not wanting to push her too far.

“I also was a virgin” she starts and Dean stops breathing when a dark chuckle left her lips.

“It was rare at my age. Once they found out…” she swallows hard “That was the last step to break me.” She rubs her own arm. Like she’s trying to comfort herself.

“My first owner –“

“F-first?” Dean chokes out. “You had more?”

She looks up at his face and the fire in her eyes has died down. She gets up and comes closer to him. She takes his hand and Dean grips it tight. Letting her know she’s safe and not alone anymore.

“I have been sold seven times” her eyes are strained on their hands “Some of them wanted me for their own pleasure, other pure for torture and others for experimenting.” She takes a deep breath before continuing “The experimenting got out of hand and they made me too strong on accident. They injected me with werewolf blood and silver. The silver kept me human but the blood gave me strength and heighted senses.”

His hands were trembling with rage, sadness and hurt. It feels like he’s being punched in the gut with every word she says. It is so much worse then he ever imagined. All the nightmares he has about her are nothing to the reality that she lived through.

He can’t help the tears that start rolling down his face. He keeps a hold of her hand, although she must feel how hard he is trembling. But she only squeezes his hand tighter and looks up at his face, giving his a small smile.

She’s comforting him, when it should be the other way around.

“I don’t remember much of it. After my first time” her voice breaks a little “I- I completely shut off. I only remember small bits and pieces of the last three years. A-and I think that’s what saved me.”

Dean surges forward and wraps his arms around her. He presses his face into her shoulder and puts his hand protectively on her head. He can feel her tears wetting the skin in his neck and her body shaking under her sobs.

“I- I am s-so sorry Y/n” Dean sobs into her shoulder “I wish I could change everything… I will never forgive myself for what I did”

Her hands cling to his shirt while she only sobs harder at his words. Dean pulls her out of the chair until she’s sideways in his lap. She tilts her head back and looks up at him.

He pushes the hair out of her face. Her eyes are red and her cheeks wet. The sight of seeing her cry hurts his heart…

“W-why didn’t you come f-find me” she whispers.

“I did… for months. But I thought you didn’t want to be found, s-so I stopped looking. I-I’m sorry”

He looked everywhere for her. He called Jody and Donna. Worried as to where she was. He checked bus stations, motels, train stations and airports. Using his FBI badge to ask for security footage and spends hours looking at everything. He eventually came to the conclusion that she didn’t want to be found and gave up.

“Y-you did? I thought you didn’t care”

“Sweetheart…” he cups her face “I know I’m a dick and a grunt. But I do care. I never stopped caring about you”

“Then why did you kick me out…” she wonders.

“I… I though I was protecting you by pushing you away” he looks down, unable to look her into the eyes “All I wanted was to keep you safe… I just pushed you right into their hands” he breaks down on his last word. Sobs breaking through his body as he keeps apologizing to her over and over like a mantra.

“Dean” she cups his face and wipes away his tears “I… I want to be your friend again” she starts and his heart jumps with hope “but only if you promise to never ever hurt me again”

“I promise sweetheart. Never again, I’m keeping you safe. No one will ever hurt you again”

They hold each other tight for a while. His hand moves to her neck. She’s still wearing the collar. Seeing as how she reacted the last time he hasn’t tried to take it off.

“I can take this off Y/n. If you want?”

She nods “Y-yes. I would like that”

He gives her a sweet smile and stands up with her in his arms. Carrying her bridal style to his room. He puts her on the bed and takes his lock pick and sits next to her.

“You won’t attack me right?” he chuckles lightly.

“I attacked you?” she frowns “Oh Dean… I’m so sorry… the collar was used for shocks. I guess you touching it triggered me…” she looks down in shame.

“Hey” he cups her face to make her look at him “It’s okay sweetheart”

She gives him a small smile and a nod. Giving him the green light to continue.

He starts picking at the lock and it takes him about ten minutes to open it, he gently takes the heavy lock off the collar and looks in her eyes.

“I’m gonna take it off now. It can sting a little because you still have some cuts” he warns her.

She nods and Dean carefully peals the leather away from her skin. The kin underneath is angry red but luckily not open.

He hears her let out a big sigh of relief, like a weight lifting from her shoulders.

“T-thank you” she whispers.

He gives her a small smile and puts the collar in the trash, he comes back to her with the first aid kit and starts disinfecting the cuts on her neck and wraps a little bandage around it.

“They aren’t too deep. Do they hurt?” he looks in her eyes and just now he notices how close they are. Her breath is fanning over his face.

“No” she whispers, licking her lips.

She leans closer and presses her lips on his. Dean is quick to return the kiss but breaks it soon.

“Y/n-“ he start but her hands grasping his shirt stop him from finishing his sentence.

“Please Dean… I want to feel something nice. I- I want you, I trust you” she breathes out.

He looks deep into her eyes, of course he wants to have her and make her feel good. But is she really ready for it?

Her bottom lip starts to quiver and she tugs a little harder on his shirt. Her lips brushing his.

“Please Dean…” she begs him.

He can’t say no to her, she deserves to feel loved and to be cherished and pleasured. He will show her exactly how he feels about her, because Dean never was a man of words but of actions.

He gently presses his lips to her as he moves to put her down on the bed and hovers over her. Her hands come up to run her fingers through his hair. He moans into her mouth and kisses her deeper, his tongue exploring her mouth.

He can feel her body relax under his, he slowly lets on hand wander to her waist and pulls her shirt a little up to touch her skin, she gasps in his mouth at the contact.

“Is it okay?” he half pants in her mouth when he looks into her eyes.

She bites her lip and nods her head with a smile.

Dean resumes kissing her and pushes her shirt up a little higher. Her hands mirror his as she starts to discover the skin of his tummy.

He briefly breaks the kiss to take off his flannel and shirt. Her eyes go wide at the sight of his chest, her hands gently roam his chest.

“You are so beautiful” she whispers.

Dean feels a blush crawling over his face, many people have called him beautiful before. But hearing her say it, it has a whole other effect on him. His heart is nearly jumping out of his chest, he has to calm down or this will be over way too soon.

Carefully he pulls her shirt over her head, his breath gets caught in his throat at the sight of her delicate skin and her ample breasts.

Her arms cross over her body and her eyes are cast downwards at her own skin. Tears well up in them.

“I have so many scars” she whispers more to herself. But Dean is close enough to hear and he cups her face to wipe her tears.

“You are gorgeous Y/n. Those scars are the sign that you are stronger than those who tried to hurt you” he gently kisses her as his free hand carefully pulls her arms from her body.

“You really think I’m gorgeous?” she whimpers against his kiss swollen lips.

He gives her a smile and take her hand to place it over his crotch where his hard cock is throbbing beneath the fabric. Her eyes widen and she look up at him.

“Very gorgeous sweetheart. This is what you make me feel” he groans, feeling her grip tighten on his crotch.

“Can I see you first before we go on?” she quietly asks.

“Of course sweetheart” he kisses her neck before he sits up and takes off his pants and underwear, his impressive hard cock springing free from it’s confines and standing proud against his belly.

“O-oh wow” she gasp, she sits up and reaches her hand towards him to touch him but stops.

“It’s okay” he says and takes her wrist to put her hand on his cock, a deep rumble leaves his chest when her hand comes into contact with his velvet skin. “Y-you can touch me baby”

He doesn’t realize the new nickname that slips past his lips until he sees her smile.

“You’re big” she says as she inspects his length in her hand “I… Will you even fit?” she wonders as she looks up at the handsome hunter.

“We don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with, baby” he sits down on his haunches and stars stroking her leg.

“No I want to. I’m just a little nervous I guess”

He smiles and cups her face “That’s okay baby. Just talk to me okay? You’re the boss, you set the pace”

“I’m the boss huh?” she chuckles “I like that” she surges forward and starts kissing him again.

He moans into her mouth and slowly guides her down on her back, his naked body is hovering above her. His cock is brushing the fabric of her sweatpants, leaving a dark grey trail of precum

Her hands start to untie the cord and push down her pants and panties. Dean reaches under her back to unclasp her bra and tosses it aside.

He breaks the kiss to look at the gorgeous woman underneath him. He doesn’t even see the many scars that litter her skin. He only sees his Y/n, the woman he fell in love with all those years ago, the woman he can now make his.

“Tell me what you want baby” he asks her as his hand starts to stroke her belly and thighs, his head ducks down to nuzzle her breasts, gently kissing and licking the soft skin.

“I- I… Dean you have to touch me” she pants, her fingers run through his hair. Tugging slightly when his hot breath fans over her pebbled nipple.

He can’t help but smile at the effect he has on her. He lets his hand wander down between her leg and gently brushes her damp folds.

“Here?” he asks her and she starts nodding while spreading her legs.

He smiles and parts her lips with his skilled fingers. Gently spreading her slick around and watching her squirm under his touch. He presses his thumb into her clit and starts slowly circling the sensitive nub under his pad.

“Like this baby? Does it feel good?” He looks up at her while he puts open mouth kisses on her hips and thighs.

“Y-Yes Dean. Fuck more please” she begs him, fisting his hair tighter.

His index finger trails down her lips and traces her entrance before slowly pushing inside her tight heat. He can’t help but growl at how tight, wet and warm she feels. He’s pumping his finger inside her heat while keeping his thumb onto her clit.

She moaning and squirming, her chest heaving with every breath. He’s enchanted by her beauty and has trouble not coming right here and now. His cock is twitching between his leg and hers.

She starts chuckling and looks down at Dean “I can feel you against my leg” she pants.

“Yeah well” he blushes “Little Dean think you’re gorgeous too” he smiles.

She cups his face and pulls him up to her face, she kisses him gently and there is an underlying emotion in her taste, her smell and her touch.

She breaks the kiss and he puts his forehead on hers, gently retracting his finger from her heat and moving his hips to sloth them between her legs.

“Y/n” he breathes against her lips “I…I love you”

He doesn’t know why he says it, why it slips past his lips but it does, and he doesn’t want to take back his words because it’s the truth. He is in love with her and he wants her to know. Even if she doesn’t love him back. She deserves to know that she is loved.

She smiles and cups his face to kiss him deep and with passion. Her hand moves between their bodies to grasp his cock making him gasp. She guides it to her entrance and whispers “Make love to me” against his lips.

He moans into her mouth and slowly pushes inside, her wet lips part for his big cock, hugging him in the most delicious way. He keeps pushing until he’s all the way inside her.

“Y-you feel so good baby” he groans against the skin of her neck. He starts kissing her there, careful for the cuts.

“F-Fuck Dean. F-feels so g-good” her voice starts to break and her walls flutter around his cock “P-please move” she wraps her arms around his back and holds him close to her.

He’s thrusting slow but deep inside her, rubbing over all her sweet spots. He’s already so close with how good she feels, but he doesn’t want it to be over yet…

“B-Baby… I-I’m not gonna last” he groans into her ear, with every thrust inside he grinds his pelvis into her to rub her clit in all the right ways. He can feel she’s close with how hard she’s clenching his member.

“C-come for me Dean. I-I’m gonna come too” she wraps her legs around his hips and the new angle allows him to go even deeper. He’s groaning and grunting. His cock throbbing inside her warm heat.

He starts chanting her name right before he falls over that sweet edge, filling her core with his warm seed, his hips grinding into her as he pulls her with him into the sweet release.

“Fuck Y/n!” he screams, wrapping his arms tight around her he holds her close to him.

“Yes Dean!” she yells right after him, her whole body is trembling with her powerful climax.

Dean’s stroking her skin as they slowly come down from their high. Both lovers are panting and sweating. Y/n’s fingers are gently stroking his hair, making him hum against her skin.

“I love you too” she whispers into his ear and kisses his temple.

He lifts his head to look at her, she has a few tears in her eyes and smile on her face. But Dean is focused on her eyes. Those beautiful y/e/c eyes that hold so much love.

Holding her face in his large hands he bends down to kiss her, pouring all his emotions in the kiss, making her feel his love.

“No one will ever hurt you again baby” he whispers against her lips.

“I know” she says “I’m safe with you”

[sapphosvioletts]

TFATWS Rewrite - Police Station

Bucky Barnes x Autistic Teen Daughter

Summary:

Rewrite of the police station scene from The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, episode 2 The Star Spangled Man. Where Bucky's daughter is already overwhelmed, and John Walker steps out of line.

Word count: 2,290

Warnings: Description of sensory overload, description of shutdown, unwanted advances, and John Walker in general.

All credit goes to the Falcon and the Winter Soldier and Marvel, I did not create the lines and scenes that I am using or adding on to.

Note: Not every autistic person experiences autism the same. I'm autistic and I am writing from my perspective of how I personally experience autism, but not everyone feels the same as me or has the same perspective as I do.

i ended up changing the ending a bit, but i hope you still like it! the plot and everything is all the same, i just changed the very ending where bucky and sam talk about breaking out zemo.

.oOo.

My leg shakes as I anxiously sit in my seat, one leg bent on the chair pulled to my chest and the other one down. Sam looks over at me and gives me a soft smile, trying to reassure me the best he can.

Once Sam called me saying Bucky had been arrested, I immediately requested to go with him to the station. I didn't have time to think about how loud and stuffy it would be, all I cared about was my dad.

All of the noise alone is enough to overwhelm me, but with my anxiety over my dad and just everything going on at the station, it's a lot to say the least. But I just need to see my dad and then it'll be okay, we can get out of here and some place quiet. He always knows just how to calm me down.

I jump when I hear a voice, "Sam" I snap my head up. I try not to physically show how overwhelmed I am, but it's getting more and more difficult not to wince at every noise and keep myself from just covering my ears with my hands.

"I've heard a lot about you, I'm Dr. Raynor, I'm James therapist." The same voice says and Sam gets up out of his seat. "So nice to meet you. Thank you for getting him out." Sam says while shaking her hand.

Dr. Raynor peers over Sam's shoulder and spots me. She gives me a soft smile and a nod. I've met her before, she's always really nice to me. I can tell she feels sympathetic for me, probably knowing how much I can't stand environments like this.

"That was not me." She replies. I jump again at a new voice, yelling way too loud from a distance. "Christina," I look back and see Walker. I grimace and avert my gaze down, not wanting anything to do with him.

"It's great to see you again." Walker says while greeting fans of his by the entrance. I bring my other leg up and hug them both to my chest, trying to make myself as small as possible. It's taking everything in me not to let the tears that have been stinging my eyes finally fall, or to scratch at my skin from the uncomfortable crawling that happens when I become overwhelmed.

Sam and Christina converse quietly but I don't pick up on what they say. "I heard you were working with Bucky, so I thought I'd step in. Bucky's not gonna be following a strict schedule any longer." Walker says while making his way up. He looks down at me and puts his hand up to greet me. I can only gulp nervously and bring my gaze back down.

I hear a buzzing noise from the distance and I curl further in on myself. When I finally look up, I see my dad being walked out by two officers. I immediately shoot up out of my seat and run over to him. He pulls me into him and holds me tightly.

He can feel my trembling body and the way my body flinches slightly from every little noise. He hugs me tightly, knowing that pressure helps to calm me down. "It's okay doll, I'm okay." He soothes softly, rocking us side to side.

We're broken out of our moment by Dr. Raynor, "James, on condition of your release, session now. You too, Sam." I look up at my dad sadly, not wanting to be separated again so soon. "Doc, come on? Can't it wait." Bucky asks, but she's already walking away. "That wasn't a request." She says over her shoulder.

Sam and Bucky both sigh in frustration. "Why don't you go wait outside, it'll be quieter, yeah?" Bucky asks softly. I bite my lip and nod, agreeing. He squeezes me one last time before patting me on the back, silently urging me to go. After a final glance back I leave to go outside.

I sit on the curb just outside of the door. It's on the side of the building so it's not very busy here, except for a couple cop cars parked along the side. People pass by every so often, but it's significantly less crowded than inside the station.

I stuff my face in my knees and start rocking back and forth, focusing on just doing the breathing exercises that my dad taught me. My fingers find my legs and start scratching, leaving bright red marks behind. I can't help it anymore, even though I know it's a potentially dangerous stim, it's almost painful trying not to do it.

Thankfully it didn't take too long for my breathing to become more steady, feeling much more calm in the new environment. For a while I stay rocking back and forth, my head in my knees while clawing are my legs, I don't even know how long.

Eventually though, the last person I want to see comes up to me. He leans against the hood of one of the cop cars casually. I look up at him and slowly scoot further away from him. He notices and speaks up about it.

"Oh come on, don't be like that. I know your dad and I don't really get along, but that doesn't mean you have to hate me too." At his presence and words my throat starts to close up and it feels like something is blocking it, that's the only way I can explain the feeling. I know that right now I'm nonverbal, but Walker isn't going to respect that.

I only keep my gaze down and fidget with the ends of my sleeves, hoping that maybe he'll go away. "Silent treatment huh, alright then you're going to be more difficult then I was expecting." He crosses his arms over his chest and stares at me.

Not being able to handle the silent tension and irritability exuding from Walker like waves any longer, I stand up with tearful eyes and try to open the door to go back inside. Once the door is partially open, it is slammed back shut. I look over to see Walker behind me, his hand on the door, not letting me open it.

I start panicking even more and instinctively I turn to run away, but I'm instead met with resistance, the wind almost getting knocked out of me as my stomach is hit by something. I look down and see Walker's arm, wrapped around my stomach to keep me from running away.

I try to fight him off, but with the drastic height difference, he easily holds his ground. It's hard to see through the tears in my eyes, all I can do is try to wriggle out of his hold. "Look kid, just tell me what you know about the Flag Smashers." He grumbles.

"Walker!" I hear a familiar voice bark out. Walker hastily drops me and I crumble down to the ground. He turns around and puts on a smile. "Gentleman, good to see you again." He says to Sam and Bucky, who have just walked out of the station. Walker steps in front of me, almost like he's trying to hide me.

Bucky storms over to him and pushes him out of the way, immediately coming over to me. Now that the panic and adrenaline is starting to wear off, I feel my mind become more fuzzy, numb even. Bucky kneels down next to me and pulls me into his chest.

He soothes me while I sob into his shirt, neither of us caring that it's getting soaked with my tears. "I'm here, it's okay" Bucky kept repeating softly into my ear, trying to reassure himself of that as well.

Walker starts to come back towards us, Lemar also now joining in. I'm not sure where he came from, but I'm assuming he probably just arrived. When Walker gets close to Bucky and I, my dad punches him in the stomach with his metal arm, sending Walker backwards. Lemar catches Walker as he falls back from the impact.

Walker and Lemar take a minute or two, Walker recovering from the hit as they talk in hushed voices. In the mean time, my tears had stopped. But not only my tears, it feels as if my brain has stopped as well, well not literally, but everything just feels foggy and... slow.

I should have known that a shutdown was coming, given everything else that has happened in such a short period of time. I find myself leaning against Bucky's chest, staring at nothing, my eyes glossed over.

"Look, if we divide ourselves, we don't stand a chance, you guys know that." Walker finally speaks back up, seemingly fine after the hit he took. Bucky opened his mouth to say something, his creased eyebrows and glare indicating that it wasn't going to be something nice.

Sam stopped him with an annoyed sigh at Walker, "So, what do you got." Bucky bit his tongue for now, trying to contain himself. He looked back down at me sighed sadly when he saw my state. He's seen many shutdowns before, having been there to help me through them, and from the signs he can see he knows it's a shutdown.

"Hey doll, can I pick you up? Just nod yes or no." After taking a second or two to comprehend his words, I nod yes. I lazily drape my arms over his shoulders and he easily picks me up and puts me on his hip, my legs wrapped around his waist.

Once he's fully stood up holding me, he chimes in at hearing Walker talk about Karli stealing medicine to take to camps, "Well there are hundreds of those all over the planet since The Blip, so I guess you'll have to look real hard." He doesn't care to hide his resentment and anger in his voice.

"Good thing I have 20/20 vision, huh?" Walker jokes, causing Bucky to huff angrily, not believing he could hurt his daughter like this and still be joking around. I listen in on the conversation unfolding around me, not fully comprehending what is being said but still keeping up nevertheless.

"Where is she now, Walker? Do you know?" Bucky asks, raising his voice slightly. "No, we don't know, Bucky." Walker snaps. I flinch at his voice and whimper, my hearing still overly sensitive, and loud noises always scare me in general. Bucky holds me tighter and his hand protectively rests on the back of my head, which is tucked into his neck.

"It's only a matter of time before we find out." Walker lowers his voice, but I know he probably only did so because of Bucky's hard glare, not out of any actual consideration for me. "Things are really intense for you, aren't they Walker?" Bucky sneers, unbelievably angry at the man in front of him.

He wants nothing more than to just leave, feeling terrible at keeping me in this situation any longer than I have to be. But unfortunately him and Sam need to talk to Walker, and Bucky doesn't trust Sam to come to a conclusion with him on his own. "Take it easy, look Walker's right." Sam says.

Bucky snaps his head towards him and starts backing away with a look of disappointment given to Sam, but Sam stops him with a glance. I open my eyes and slowly pull my face out of Bucky's neck, not believing Sam. "But you guys have rules of engagement and all kind of authorizations you have to get. We're free agents, we're more flexible. So it wouldn't make sense for us to work with you."

Sam catches up with Bucky, who did hear Sam deny to work with them despite walking away. Bucky rubs circles on my back and softly urges me to lay my head back down and relax. "I'm sorry you had to be stuck in that situation for so long, it's unfair to you. Why don't we go back home and watch-" Bucky's soft voice is cut off by a louder one in the distance.

"A word of advice then, stay the hell out of my way." Bucky shoots a glare back at Walker but doesn't stop, Sam stops in tracked however to stare at Walker angrily. Once we arrive to Sams car, Bucky opens the back door and gets in, me still on his lap. Despite being slightly crammed in the backseat, he still chose to sit here, both of us needing each other at the moment.

Shortly after, Sam got in the drivers seat and started the car, all of us remaining silent. There's obvious tension between Bucky and Sam, they both know that there's still more for them to talk about, but they also both know it's a conversation that could turn heated really quickly, so it's best to not have it right now.

I end up drifting off in Bucky's arms, the exhaustion from my shutdown hitting me hard. Bucky relaxes once he sees my sleeping state, feeling better at knowing that I'm at least relaxed at the moment. He leans his head back against the headrest of the car seat and stares at the ceiling of the car, just thinking about everything that had happened, and also some things he would certainly like to do to Walker.

But those things can wait. Right now he's only concerned for his daughter. He can't imagine why, or how anyone could ever hurt her, and it breaks his heart. But he knows that right now all he can do is just be there for her, so that's exactly what he'll do.

[steveyockey]

do you think that -- if they WERE planning to do gay angel press initially -- part of the reason they didn't might have been the (reactionary) bury your gays backlash from fans and non-fans? in which case. twitter rly does ruin everything. :/

I’m not tied to this but here’s a hypothetical to work through that at least provides a theory on the lack of gay angel press (probably not very different from any other theory on this website but just writing it out for continuity),

okay. pre-pandemic. the arc of the final few episodes seems to have been set and 15.18 was the last piece, pending jensen’s approval. roadhouse heaven ending was a go — presumably featuring a cas cameo among other various and sundry friends. approving 15.18 introduces a problem by way of the fact that cas has just confessed his undying love for dean and there’s an expected response. but it’s fine! you don’t actually need that, you’ve been baiting fans for a decade, you can work your magic one more time with a lil wink and nudge and never have to deal with that again. ambiguous “to each his own” ending, you talk up the gay angel on one side and the bronly-ness of the last hunt on the other; everyone walks away happy. you have successfully threaded the needle of finishing off a twelve year queerbait without “caving to the fans,” high fives all around.

15.18 gets filmed. the angel is gay gay. the footage is. we don’t know what the footage looks like. there could be anything. maybe there’s a kiss with tongue. ends up not really mattering because the pandemic happens and they have to stop shooting and stop airing. no idea how much changes in 15.19 (clearly SOME stuff considering we know the folks who got chuck snapped in the silo were supposed to be shown back in the flesh and that got cut). 15.20 has to change — so roadhouse heaven becomes three person heaven (plus the cast and crew, who were already on set so no, this is not proof they could have brought a crowd of actors anyway, it’s just. weird. I don’t like this decision. strikes me as authoritative like WE told the story not YOU. anyway). putting cas in three person heaven makes winking and nudging a lot harder to do and would make the absence of an actual substantive response to the confession uhhhh very obvious. so you have to cut cas. and then maybe you have to cut other references to cas in 15.19, maybe you cut some emotionality from dean’s side in 15.18, maybe you straight up insert the moment in 15.20 where dean tells sam to stop being an eeyore about cas’s death! we don’t know how much was changed, but there was at least the opportunity at this point to dull dean’s response to the whole thing so the absence of cas in heaven is more palatable. it’s the bronly ending, but you already gave the audience the gay angel. and the gay angel is alive and building heaven with his son! no more cashing in on the queerbait but still cashing in on canon gay.

it’s november 5th. 15.18 airs. it trends higher than the biggest election “of our lives.” holy shit! gay angel! but of course the issue is the people responding aren’t the people who have been watching the show. they don’t have context for what’s going on and “turbohell” catches on. fuck. did you kill the gay angel? of course not, he’s in heaven with his son! lisa berry can post her goodbye instagram to her character because obviously billie’s dead, she’s the villain. she’s not expected to come back. but cas is... cas is different. and he’s not dead and you won’t be taking any questions on this until we get to the end, when everyone can settle down. so you have your actors gush about the episode, you leave everyone on pins and needles so they’ll come back for two more, and then! well. 15.20. cas is “alive” technically. dean is dead, as you always planned. some people are happy, some people are middling, and some people are fucking pissed at you because apparently by not outright killing off the gay angel you promised them the gay angel was coming back. any clarification you would offer here would unspool your entire plan — gay angel on one side, brothers on the other. erasing cas isn’t the same as killing him, but you can’t say that (though misha basically did in response to the rogue translator shenanigans). killing dean wasn’t even supposed to be about cas, but now everything is about cas. you took him out of the story completely and he’s still managed to take over. and all you can say is, well, it’s always been a story about brothers.

this obviously doesn’t account for everything, such as what the fuck was uriel’s actor doing? why the fuck did the show actually give us the instructions for how to get someone out of the empty and not do it? and there’s an infinite number of things that could have happened that I would simply never guess not knowing specific onset dynamics and money decisions. whatever happened that caused this clusterfuck really does suck for everyone in that writers room who was on team gay angel because, as I have said in the past, 15.18 only works due to at least four years, if not seven or more, of consciously writing the angel as gay. I hope bobo and yockey and even misha feel personal satisfaction at a job well done, but god if a single fucking interview could at least let us indulge in the victory with them. anyway, all of this is to say, yes I do think the bury-your-gays of it all definitely plays into it (and I would say, again, linking this to it chapter 2, it’s significant muschietti and co decided to make richie gay over eddie; people who haven’t read the book might not know that eddie like. literally drinks mineral water. in the 80s. he wears gucci loafers. he marries a carbon copy of his mother. stephen king would never admit to writing a gay man but that was a gay man. but eddie dies! eddie always dies. so they had some good sense in giving the gay story to the one who lives and leaving the dead one holding all the coding). and I definitely think randos on twitter making fun of the confession did not help matters. but I also think the decision to pull press cannot be extricated from the rubble of the last two episodes and everything they promised but never delivered. literally a single second of cas in the finale would have been their golden ticket! that’s far more than what jj did for star wars! but they got played at their own game by, of all things, an international pandemic. somehow a very supernatural ending after all.

[rebel-in-white]

Sam Wilson’s Feelings Towards Bucky Barnes

In this meta, I’m arguing that Sam Wilson, as he is portrayed in the Falcon and the Winter Soldier, has romantic feelings for Bucky Barnes. Before you think I’m overreaching and reading too much into this show, read on and think about the evidence I’m going to present. Could a simple friendship explain the differences in Sam’s interactions with other characters versus his interactions with Bucky?

Disclaimer:��I’m not saying that Disney is going to show us a homosexual couple. Honestly, I don’t think that’s going to happen. I’m not accusing anyone of queerbaiting either. I don’t want to enter into that argument. I just believe that Sam Wilson is a man in love with another man. 

Sam’s Demeanor with Bucky:

In episode 1, we have a delightful scene between Sam and Torres, who seems to genuinely admire Sam. After taking a video of Sam speaking Arabic, the impressed Torres makes a few light comments. Sam responds with a smile but maintains a serious demeanor and cracks minimal jokes. He doesn’t relax or drop his guard. Compare that to his drastic change in attitude in episode 2. After only spending 3 minutes with Bucky, he’s talking about wizards and sorcerers and something about hats. 

And he’s always joking around with Bucky. He doesn’t let himself do that with other characters on the show, not even his own sister. This shows that with Bucky, Sam feels like he can relax more. For some reason, he feels safe with Bucky to show his true self.

Sam checks on him, constantly

In episode 1, we find out that Sam has texted Bucky post blip several times. Enough times that Bucky’s therapist, Dr. Raynor, uses that to gauge how well Bucky is connecting with other people. She admonishes him for ignoring Sam’s texts. In episode 3, we find out that Sam hasn’t given Sharon the same treatment. He hasn’t texted or called her, despite the fact that she had placed her career on the line for him, Steve, and Bucky. His only concern was Bucky and to see how he was doing.

Not only did he text Bucky, but Sam is periodically checking on his state of mind and well being, showing genuine concern and care. 

“You good?” 

“What’s going on in that Cyborg brain of yours?” 

Again, we don’t see him check on other characters like this. Bucky gets special treatment.

Sam lets Bucky do what he wants

The keyword here is lets. Sam lets Bucky do whatever the f*ck he wants to do because he’s weak in the face of Bucky’s desires and demands. Sam can be very stubborn, he’s just subtle with it. In the show, he refuses to give up on the boat, refuses to give into his sister’s demands, and tries to think of solutions for this problem. That bank scene not only hints at the consequences of the blip and other social issues, but it highlights Sam’s intelligence and determination. When he wants something, he will work hard to get it. That’s why he survived so long as Steve’s partner-in-crime when they were on the run. And he still hasn’t given up on the boat.

Yet, we see this intelligent, stubborn man cave into Bucky over and over again. First, Bucky wants to come with him on the mission in episode 2. Sam says no, but Bucky is sitting with him on the plane in the next scene. If Sam truly didn’t want Bucky to come, he wouldn’t have let him come. He isn’t a pushover- he gave up Steve’s shield because he couldn’t stand the idea of being the new Captain America. Some other examples: Sam lets Bucky go in to see Zemo alone and goes along with his plan to use Zemo’s connections to find out more about the super-soldier serum.

Sam keeps touching Bucky’s metal arm

He’s touched Bucky’s metal arm a total of three times. The first time, after rolling in the flowers, he lets his hand rest on it. This is almost a comforting gesture, one that is entirely unnecessary, but the camera lingers on the touch for a few seconds. Next, in the therapy scene, he pointedly slaps Bucky’s vibranium arm. In episode 3, Sam protectively grabs Bucky when he sees that the danger has increased in the bar. The touch helps snap Bucky out of his Winter Soldier mode. 

This shows a fascination with what makes Bucky different and dangerous, which could be the type of people Sam’s attracted to sexually. Let’s not forget that Sam had expressed physical attraction towards Black Widow, who is the embodiment of sensuality and danger. Sam Wilson has a type, and Bucky fits it.

Sam calls Bucky “Buck”

 It’s the nickname Steve had for Bucky, and it’s interesting that Sam seems a little bothered when Bucky says he couldn’t use it.

“Why not? It’s what Steve called you?”

“Steve knew me longer. And Steve had a plan.”

Sam rolls his shoulders, a gesture of discomfort. He says, “I have a plan.” Almost like he wanted to say, now, can I call you “Buck,” too? It’s also very illuminating to hear this nickname when Sam’s afraid for Bucky’s life in episode 3:

[Gunshots]

“Buck!” Sam yells.

The nickname shows a deeper level of intimacy between Sam and Bucky, something that Sam wants. That’s why he uses it, remarks on Steve having used it, and continues to use it. 

Sam lets himself argue with Bucky

Again, the keyword here is lets. Sam is a very controlled person. I’ve read numerous posts about all the things that Sam has to deal with - blip, institutionalized racism, Captain America’s mantle, that mantle being given to a lesser suited individual, losing his boat, losing his friends, and losing the connection with his family. Yet, Sam holds himself together very well. He doesn’t break dangerous criminals out of prison (looking at you Bucky), and he tries to follow his values in a world that is making less and less sense to him. 

Yet, with Bucky Barnes, he allows himself the freedom to argue with him. They argue in episode 2 numerous times, but I’m going to focus on the argument in episode 3. I loved that random back-and-forth in the middle of a fight scene. I cannot picture Sam doing something like that with Steve, and he definitely wouldn’t argue like that with anyone else. With Bucky, we see Sam let his guard down to bicker and voice his immediate feelings and thoughts. We don’t see this happen with anyone else! He’s usually more guarded with his true thoughts and emotions.

What does Bucky feel?

Unfortunately, I don’t see clear evidence that Bucky reciprocates his feelings. There’s evidence that some feelings are forming (I have high hopes for the pulling Sam’s hand closer to his chest scene!), and the genuine bond is there. As of now, Sam’s feelings run deeper. It’s understandable because Bucky is a man in transition. He doesn’t know who he is, and we can see that struggle in some small details here and there: for example, when Sam wedges his thigh between his in the therapy scene, Bucky places his hands over his crotch in an insecure position. Sam, on the other hand, is relaxed and secure in his identity. Bucky is still struggling to adjust to the modern world when he’s a 1940s man at heart. Plus, there’s Steve. According to Sharon, Bucky was “Mr. America” (LOL). He needs more time to solidify himself and his feelings.

Where did these feelings come from?

Sexual attraction (sexy and dangerous is Sam’s type)

Bucky is probably the only person in his life who makes sense. Everything else is so different and difficult.

He was Steve’s close friend, and Sam loved and respected Steve.

Bucky ignites his protective instincts. Bucky emphasizes this when he says that Sam gave up so much for him. (Interesting that Bucky doesn’t mention Steve, who wanted to save his best friend and helped to convince his current friend to help him do that.)

Perhaps, Bucky reminds him of Riley (would love to see a Riley flashback)

He feels a connection to the loneliness he sees in Bucky. Despite the people in his life and his natural charisma, Sam strikes me as a solitary figure.

Ultimately, we still know very little about Sam and Bucky, and we have three episodes left of the show, so many things can change! Hopefully, the change will be good for this ship.

I hope you enjoyed this meta. Thank you for reading!