#2. amatonormativity is a pandemic

[tyrannuspitch]

okay so as you've probably realised by now i never did end up becoming a steve/loki shipper due to a chronic and intractable inability to care about captain america but. the strangest comment on that medium-niche ship i ever did see. was someone saying they were suspicious of it because it was "basically just non-incestuous th*rki" (i guess because steve and thor share some generic protagonist traits? and um?? are blond???) and therefore by association it was basically incest itself. and at the time this confounded me but looking back on it now i'm like oh this is genius actually. as a known hater and genficcer i need to start implementing this kind of sabotage immediately. thorbruce is just non-incestuous th*rki because bruce and loki both have reluctant monster complexes and a connection with the colour green. lokyrie is just non-incestuous th*rki because valkyrie and thor both turned to drink after losing all their loved ones and failing to meet asgardian warrior ideals. thorjane is just non-incestuous th*rki because jane and loki are both brilliant scientists from "inferior" realms whose presence in thor's life helps him start to overcome his prejudices. you can't ship anything. it's all incest. genfic city now

[bloggingboutburgers]

Am gonna miss the kinda content you had before. I know you’re v happy and good for you! But this blog used to be a rare piece of internet haven that wasn’t about relationships and dating and marriage. Now it is. That’s obviously my problem. I get it - your blog, your life. Am just sad is all.

Sorry if my recent life news made things scary – but I assure you, I don't plan to make my stuff about dating and marriage from now on! (Relationships in itself is a tricky one, since technically "relationships" is every single type of rapport a human being can have with another imo, but I don't plan to start talking about romantic relationships either, I have no idea how those work.)

Yeah, I'm planning to get married – but not with a romantic partner, with my queerplatonic partner. Considering the nature of our relationship I myself sometimes have trouble even saying we're "dating" because it's something different (though we do call our video call "dates", I'll give ya that). But even if they're not "my whole life" in a romantic sense, I really like spending time with them, we're oceans apart so we don't get to do so very often, and during and after the pandemic, the US placed a ban on my country that made it near-impossible for me to visit them for almost 2 years, and being scared of never being able to spend time with them again broke my brain really bad, so I vowed to take measures so this never happens again. So yeah, i'm planning to get married, but it's more out of necessity, as this is seemingly the only way we could stay in the same area permanently and the only way we could counter a travel ban like that if it happens again for any reason (as only spouses or direct relatives were allowed to visit each other back then). I hate that it means doing the thing© amatonormativity and archaic socail rules seem to push people to do all the time, but international rules are a bitch like that, so we don't have many more other options.

That said – my content already included stuff I do with my partner before, and our relationship isn't changing because we're engaged – we're still never gonna have sex, and I'm still not romantically attracted to them nor have I ever been. But I do like them a lot as a queerplatonic partner, and I wanna vibe the way I show us vibing and get to do so on a daily basis, not every 6 to 9 months and breaking bank every time I do.

So... Yeah, despite the surface value of the whole thing, I don't think being engaged makes me a counter-example. If anything I guess we'll be rep for a queerplatonic relationship that involves marriage, and we'll see how that works (if our respective governments even LET us get married at all). My views on my sexual and romantic orientations haven't changed and I don't intend to change my content any time soon. I'll keep being annoying to everyone about how the world doesn't need sex and romance for a long time if people will have me, cus I have way too much of a chip on my shoulder not to.

[pega-chan]

i'm not fully out irl—for me the closet i reside in is made of glass. it's not like i hide being aromantic, but you wouldn't know unless you asked (or if you recognize any of my assorted aro pride accessories). i recognize this is privileged in of itself, mostly because i live in a country where aromanticism is so far from mainstream consciousness and amatonormativity is so thick that the idea of someone not experiencing romantic attraction is unfathomable to local society. but there is a time and place where i choose to be the most visible aromantic around, and that is the local city Women's March. an intersectional feminist event where queer people can voice their concerns is the closest thing to a Pride parade around here.

even though i had attended the march consistently since high school, last weekend was the first time i joined since the pandemic (they had one last year too but i couldn't make it). it was special bc this was the first march i attended with my giant aro flag draped around my shoulders. not only was i carrying one of the only Pride flags there, two separate aspecs went up to me and signalled they were aspec too. the first excitedly flashed me their ace of spades necklace and expressed how rare it was to come across another aspec in the wild. we even found out we attended the same university, so they were nearer than i thought! the second, who was part of the Women's March crew, tapped me on the shoulder and told me they loved my flag while pointing out their aro pin on their bag. we both squealed and exchanged Instagram accounts.

i guess what i'm trying to say was, it was worth being visibly aromantic. it was lovely seeing people's eyes light up when they recognize my flag, and the warm fuzzy feeling inside when they socialize with you. perhaps that's why i never hesitate to display my aro pins and keychains on my bag—it is something so heartwarming to be the beacon of hope that signals to others in your community that they are not alone. they could never take away my aspec pride, and they certainly can't take away my drive to be an aspec safe space. aspec visibility matters <2

[cannibalise-the-citrus-fruits]

1: yes

2: p sure my dad

3: yeah

4: not particularly, although that might just be bc I don't tend to put myself in situations that would dredge things like that up

5: single

6: something painless

7: ribs 🤤🤤🤤🤤

8: not right now, but I used to do marching band

9: no

10: depends

11: I like a lot of people. none romantically tho, which I think is what this question is asking

12: no

13: not on a personal level, no

14: not anyone in particular, but I do wish I remembered to reach out and talk to people more

15: two cats, and a few fish. I will admit to caring about the cats more than the fish

16: introspective

17: no

18: yeah. recently learned I am far more afraid of smaller spiders than larger spiders when there was like a three or four inch spider just sitting near the art cubbies in class a few weeks ago. didn't freak me out nearly as much as a one inch spider would have

19: depends. to see different historical eras, absolutely I would, but if we're talking more personal, make your life better by making a different decision? I'd have to think about it way more

20: snogged? what are you, british? N/A

21: video games, reading fanfiction, hopefully gonna visit my grandpa

22: idk, ask me again when I'm not 18

23: no, but I've been considering getting my ears pierced

24: Math. I fucking love math

25: didn't I already answer this one? question 14? if the two are meant differently I don't know what the difference is

26: no particular foods, just ate me some tasty ribs

27: not romantically to my knowledge, but this feels like a bit of an ambiguous question

28: no

29: N/A

30: these questions feel very hetero/amatonormative and that's starting to get on my nerves

31: I certainly hope so, my parents are sitting in the same room rn. if my parents didn't love me I would be very sad

32: lime green

33: I don't think I do, no

34: I don't remember. maybe I should start a dream journal. that could be fun

35: honestly, it's been so long I have no idea

36: I don't think I do, no

37: the processes of those two things are not comporable enough to say which is easier in my opinion

38: LMAO no. If I had to pick, I'd probably say 2021, but I also wasn't especially affected by the start of the pandemic

39: see, this is what I was talking about back in question 30. N/A

40: no

numbers 41-50 are missing

51: the homemade pizza recipe my family makes. it's really good

52: I believe everything happens for multiple reasons. I ate ribs today because someone suggested it when my family and I were making a meal plan for this week. the ribs were kinda mid because we made double the amount we usually do and weren't as familiar with the recipe in large quantities. I'm writing this list because I feel like it. in terms of like, higher purpose reasons? no

53: I won a game of civ 6

54: depends on ur definition. having sex with someone outside an established relationship? as long as everyone is okay with it, do whatever. doing that but one party is unaware/not okay with it? no

55: I am not qualified to answer this question because this is a subjective quality and I am biased in favor of myself.

56: I think like one. maybe two. this was also back in elementary school

57: bestie what does that even mean. there are so many ways this can be interpreted.

58: depends on the time of day. cloudy/light rain during the day, clear at night (although rain isn't unwelcome overnight)

59: yeah

60: see answer 22

61: idk, it's never happened to me

62: more things than can be listed in a tumblr reblog, and many more that I haven't found

63: no, I'm pretty happy with the name my parents gave me

64: I'm pretty sure this is meant romantically, in which case, N/A and also go look at my answer for question 30 again

65: QUESTION THIRTY AGAIN MY GOD. anyways probably talk about it with them.

66: this is the third answer in a row that I'm gonna have to refer you back to question 30. I am going to be VERY GENEROUS and pretend that you just mean "friend you are romantically attracted to", in which case no, but only bc I'm not currently attracted to anyone. I was fully capable of this when I was down bad two years ago

67: I really wish I didn't have to cite question 30 again. and I wouldn't, if it weren't for the fact that, taken with the context of the other questions here, this question has connotations of "ooooooo someones got a cruuuuuuuush you should go talk to them and see if they're interested" instead of what would otherwise be interpreted as "when was the last time you had a conversation with someone with whom you do not share these particular traits". to answer the contextless question, like ten minutes ago I had a small chat with my mom.

68: a few days ago I brought up immortality in the car with my sibling and I think that was a pretty interesting conversation.

69: no

70: I think if it came down to it, no.

Having now gone through the entire list, I can confirm that these questions were, indeed, horrible. Not because they were especially introspective or personal, but because OP needs to learn how to ask better questions.

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?

[graces-of-luck]

Carnival of Aros: Round-up March 2021

I would like to thank everyone who participated in the March 2021 Carnival of Aros on the theme of Intersectionality and Inclusivity. I am grateful and humbled that people took the time to share their thoughts and experiences. I learned a lot by reading about their experiences, and I hope the rest of the community can be made better by these. Below is the list of submissions.

aroaceingit (she/they) wrote about how her/their aromanticism intersects with her/their disabilities and how this can make it hard to function. She/they expresses, “it’s also very hard for me to picture any future that doesn’t have me feeling and functioning the way I do now. And for that reason, I am afraid to be alone.”  

Isaac (he) at Mundo Heterogéneo discusses a couple of intersectionalities, such as cultural background, gender identity, and relationship cardinality. He ends with expressing, “What I expect from a community about its intersections is to follow the Latin proverb “primum non nocere,” first not to harm.”   

Temple Dragon (they/them) wrote about disability inclusion. They describe ways in which we can improve accessibility and better include those with disabilities. As a call to action, they ask us to “Please keep access features that became widespread during the pandemic going after it’s subsided, and continue to End Ableism.” 

Jason W./DerelictSpectre (he/him) shared his experiences in the aro community, specifically that of being Black (and South Asian). He ends with imploring “all nonblack aros and even other members of the LGBTQ+ community to educate themselves on black history, and remember to listen, uplift, support, and protect your fellow black members of the LGBTQ+ community.” 

Mesotablar the Apathetic Echidna (she/her) discusses how US culture has been dominating aromantic spaces and how this can affect how content and resources are shaped. She leaves us with some good questions: “What of the people making discoveries now? people from countries where the framework is not yet established? Will they see these resources as International or American?“ 

bedlaminthebigtop Part 1 writes about how essential intersectionality is, how POC are an integral part of the community, and that we need to stop conflating the aromantic community with being Western and White. “To all white aro people/organisations: Stop upholding whiteness as the default. That's not a real default, that's all you. It's manufactured. It's white supremacist. Stop making your activism and your resources and your education and your teams white-centric. Stop assuming that the community is white. Stop conceptualising the target audience of aromantic community resources as white. Your whiteness is not universal.” 

bedlaminthebigtop Part 2 details how amatonormativity intersects with white supremacy, specifically with regards to selective prohibition vs. promotion of marriage. The numerous ways marriage and amatonormativity are used as a white supremacist tool of oppression and coercion is discussed. “Marriage is, historically and contemporarily, a way to force BIPOC and LGBTQIA+ folks to assimilate into white bourgeois norms of monogamy and gender roles. So go on, keep fucking pretending that intersectionality is optional and marriage will save the LGBTQIA+ community.” As a last point, the absolute necessity of intersectionality is stressed.

I (graces-of-luck; she/ey) wrote about how my Latine heritage intersects with my aromanticism and express how the dominant Whiteness in the aromantic community has affected the development of my aromantic identity. “It’s been a process for me to discover what a Latine version of my aromanticism would be. I don’t know yet what that is, to be honest.”  I hope for more dialogue on intimacy and relationships that are culturally diverse and for more stories from Latine aros. 

CharCharChar (they/them) discussed how they are approaching making their local ace and aro group more inclusive and what concrete steps White people can take to do this. They provide some helpful resources and concludes with “Do the thing. Listen. Ask for help. Keep trying.”

Violet (she/they) wrote about how the pandemic has given her/them a lot of time to think, in which she/they questioned not only her/their gender but her/their political beliefs. She/they expressed the importance of solidarity and ended with “It’s time to stop letting our ignorance divide us.“

While there is much room for improvement, I’m inspired by the possibilities of making our aromantic community more inclusive, of lifting each other up as we experience multiple identities, and expanding the meaning and experience of what it is to be aromantic.

April’s Carnival of Aros will be hosted by Constance Bougie. The call for submissions can be found on his/their blog.

[thereadingmoon]

Last Book I...

Thanks to @wearethekat for tagging me!

Here are the last books I…

Bought: Harrow the Ninth by Tamsuin Muir. Because of the pandemic and economic recession, book prices have inflated insanely in the past two years in the Philippines, so I don't buy books as often as I did when I was younger. I had someone buy it for me because they happened to be in the bookstore and asked, and I wondered what they thought when the blurb on the back screamed, "THE NECROMANCERS ARE BACK, AND THEY'RE GAYER THAN EVER."

Borrowed: Si Janus Silang at ang Tiyanak ng Tábon (roughly translates to Janus Silang and the Goblin of Tábon) by Edgar Calabia Samar. I've slowly been getting into learning more of Tagalog and I thought the best way to do that was to actually read more Tagalog books. i really need to give it back after keeping it for 2.5 years. This is like a Filipino equivalent of Percy Jackson: it's a middle grade/YA novel about a young gamer who realizes the game he's playing isn't all that it seems and that creatures of regional Filipino folklore are real.

Was Gifted: Christmas 2019. Mythology: Timeless Tales of Gods & Heroes by Edith Hamilton and Warcross by Marie Lu. Both given by people who didn't really know my taste in books. Mythology is very much a living room tabletop talk-piece because I'm familiar enough to know Greek mythology but not obsessed enough to read the whole thing through just yet, and Warcross didn't really get me going. My biggest gripes were worldbuilding and the amatonormativity. Why couldn't they have just been platonic colleagues??

Gave/Lent to Someone: I need to get Northern Lights/The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman and A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E. Schwab back from two different people. The pandemic's parted me from them for too long!

Started: Dæmon Voices by Philip Pullman, for my studies on the writing craft. I don't think I'll end up finishing it, though.

Finished: The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson. Like wearethekat, read below :^D

Gave 5 Stars: I adored Haunting of Hill House, and I read it right after We Have Always Lived in the Castle. My partner watched the Netflix series and agreed a lot was changed when I gushed about it. I'm still debating on watching it. I loved the characterization, the relationships, the unreliable narrator, the obsession… Oh, and I love minor lesbian rep. I'm addicted to it.

Gave 2 Stars: On Writing, by Stephen King. Read it for the same reason as Dæmon Voices. I loved the autobiographical parts but skipped out on a lot of the actual advice because I felt like it retreads on a lot of things already covered by other books and King has this way of saying subjective opinions in a very authoritative way that made my inner rebellious teen go, "Haha. No <3."

Didn't Finish: Does On Writing count since I skipped over a large chunk of it?

And finally tagging (without obligation): @oddluckyfluff and @ninelispenardst to get the both of them into bookblr if they wish to! And anyone else who wants to play :^D

[bakudanma]

Thank you for the tag Koi <2 (in no particular order)

1. One Direction: I love this band so much, I know their entire discography by heart and I love love learning and explaining what my mum calls "useless facts" about the group and the fandom!!

2. Toilet Bound Hanako-Kun: omg I love TBHK and can talk about it all the time. It's also the longest fixation I've had and it has come back from being dormant to consume my brain. Even though I avoid the fandom (apart from my beloved mutual koko and my irl friend) like the plague it's just such a beloved media,, and the art!!! I love Aida's art so much and the way she draws hands just *incomprehensible noises* also I recently did a presentation night with some of my friends and did a last minute presentation on TBHK that would have gone on for 2+ hours if they didn't stop me lol

3. Webtoons + Manhwas: as an old webtoon user (been reading webtoon since 2017/2018) I have a love hate relationship with the platform as it's brought a lot of fun and enjoyment (and poor grades rip) for me over the years. I also grouped manhwas into this category since the majority of the webtoons I read are technically manhwas since they were made in Korea. Anyways I can rant a lot about the webtoons/manhwas writing, the fanbase being overall not the best and being extremely ship focused, some of the controversies and how shit the platform is all day

4. How I Met Your Mother: ok so I watched the show nonstop during the pandemic and was obsessed with it (Let's Go to the Mall and Nothin' Suits Me Like A Suit were my top songs in 2020) despite it being extremely outdated and problematic (lots of transphobia and misogyny) I still enjoy the main themes of the show. Also I can talk about how the show really is about Ted and the gang growing to become the decent people they are in the future and the journey it took to get them there and the whole amatonormative storyline that Ted has with love being the answer to all his problems and the soulmates/finding the "one" premise of the show

5. Boys Planet: ...yea I watched that, after seeing Ricky's introduction video it was all over for me. I had to download twitter to keep up with the show, started asking random classmates to vote for Ricky and Zhang Hao and watched the episodes live during class so yea that show had a chokehold on me and I will be exploiting that (I still have some Ricky propaganda in my gallery and some embarrassing texts from friends about it TT) but I specifically focus on the "dark side" of the show aka the exploitation and the fact that many global trainees were given the short end of the stick (not being prepared, given last minute songs, got sick with COVID demoting them to zero/one stars, being harshly graded on their Korean, etc) or how many of the contestants were sexualized, how trainees were evil edited or just edited to not get any screentime and a lot more

I could also probably talk about Dark Moon: The Blood Altar, taskmaster and Alien Stage but yea

Tagging: @thatonesongyouretryingtoremember, @buck-yyyy, @kokocae, @byler-is-endgame7 and anyone else who wants to join!!

tagged by mina to post about 5 things i can rant about for like an hour without prep :) ty mina <3 @jewishdainix

umm 1. succession that show has eaten me up i type this sitting snugly in its belly. and im not even the only one here im one among hundreds. anyway show of all time about capitalism and the horror of the family i could probably talk about shiv alone for an hour. normalgirl

2. jane austennn i have such a love hate relationship with these books they're the first books i truly fell in love with and i hate what theyve done for societys idealization of the victorian period. she wasn't as subversive as ppl paint her out to be; then again, it wasn't her goal to be so. she occupied a sally rooney esque spot where the goal was to portray social horrors and pleasures with wit; of course romance was a big part of that. anyway northanger abbey best novel ever. not really

3. the magnus archives um actually this post is getting too long. bye

4. realm of the elderlings specifically kennit ludluck. i could talk about this character forever well of course i know him he's me. stories that help you come to terms with the horrific things you've done, that portray victimhood and abuse and colonization so so well, that knows how to humanize (or rather personify bc i think human is a biological category rather than like a measurement of goodness but ykwim) the structures that prop up enable and even reward certain horrors..........."he knew the difference between a grown woman and a small boy well enough" you will always be famous. what a villain!

5. olivia rodrigo. yeah i have nothing to say about this i just spend inordinate amounts of time listening to her music and i have THOUGHTS on the music videos the art the tour etc etc. miss rodrigo i would be such a competent good personal assistant plz hire me

umm tagging anyone who wants to just say i tagged you<3 and also @mircallaruthven @captainahabgf @bejeweledmp3 @tiredguyswag @theatredelabsurde @lyinginthesnow <3