#2) nervous children with self-esteem problems who are all too relatable

[isfjmel-phleg]

Tagged by @valiantarcher and @scarvenartist to list my top ten favorite male characters. Thank you!

A small selection of many (including ones from the same book/series as one unit because I can’t separate them), in no order whatsoever with a scandalous lack of the requisite LOTR man :P

Rupert Psmith (series of the same name)

Lord Peter Wimsey (series of the same name)

R. D. Sheen (The White Feather)

Howl Jenkins (Howl’s Moving Castle)

Christopher Chant (The Chrestomanci series)

Reynie Muldoon, Sticky Washington, and Nicholas Benedict (The Mysterious Benedict Society books specifically)

Brendon and Hugh Tenthragon (Tenthragon)

Henry Tilney (Northanger Abbey)

Kiro Velkhirin (An Illusion of Wings)

Logan Sweet, Miles O’Leary, and Philip Ransford (The Candymakers)

[theperplexityoftheunknown]

What is a relationship to be continued

You may ask yourself why this is Important yet it is very important! We will discuss Why they are important to your well being and what type of person you are in a relationship? I think if you take the time to read this post in its entirety and intense complexity you will have a better understanding of where you are in life and what more you can become by understanding the perplexity of every relation to man or relationship because trust me THIS BABY is going to get TOUGH.

Lets start of with the first question what is a relationship

the way in which two or more people, groups, countries, etc., talk to, behave toward, and deal with each other. : a romantic or sexual friendship between two people. : the way in which two or more people or things are connected.

Please go ahead and read one more time because that may or may not be the closest thing of a relationship to that you have a mutual relation  and understanding of but its way, way more complex just keep reading.

Each relationship we have encountered has been determined by how we were raised Im going to refer to some quick psycho-social information coming from a study introduced during world war 2 by British psychoanalyst john bowbly, whose lonely childhood gave him a lifelong interest in the power of parenthood.

In the 1970s a test was conducted by Bowlby’s student Mary Ainsworth. She performed the strange situation test where children that's age ranged from 12-18 months were put  in a toy-filled room with their mother and given a chance to play. A stranger enters and interacts with the parent and child,then mom exited the room-- leaving behind a confused and alarmed little kid. A few minutes later mom returned and comforted her toddler. Needless to say being separated from the person who feeds, protects, and tends to you is frighting for any toddler, but the test showed definite categories of reaction to that fear.

Why is this important ?

Early Attachment.

As seen above you can see that a study was conducted concerning attachment styles. It's important because it is with this information that you find out what type of relationships You are going to be compatible with. Some types absolutely do not collide but if you think this is all about “how do i form a relationship” well keep reading because its not possible for everyone.

1 Secure, when it is evident to have a secure attachment style when the parenting style was: Warm, attentive,relatively consistent, and quick to respond based on that approach the child's Baseline Emotional Status (BES) would have been happy, confident, and curious which would have subconsciously continues into adulthood with the Child’s expectation of life being: My need will be met

2. Anxious -Ambivalent/resistant, it is evident to have an anxious attachment style when the parenting style was: Inconsistent: sometimes responsive and sometimes not. The Child's BES would have been Insecure, anxious, and intensely emotional which in return would have subconsciously continued into adulthood with the child's expectation of life being: “IF i act in the right ways, I might earn love and my needs may be met”

3. Avioident- ,it is evident to have a avoidant attachment style when the parenting style was: Distant and Cold, or harsh and critical. The child's BES would have been Emotionally shut down which in return would have subconsciously continued into adulthood with the child's expectation of life being: “I can't trust anyone to meet my needs. I must meet my own needs.

Im sure your getting the idea of why this is now important

Lets looks at three statements

1 I find it relatively easy to get close to others and am comfortable depending on them. I don't often worry about being abandoned or about someone getting too close to me.

2. I find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I often worry that my partner doesn't really love me or doesn't want to stay with me. I want to get very close to my partner, and this sometimes scares people away.

3 i am somewhat uncomfortable being close to others:  i find it difficult to trust them completely, difficult to allow myself to depend on them. I am nervous when anyone gets too close, and often, love partners want me to be more intimate than i feel comfortable being

In 1987 psychologist cindy hazan and philip shaver reported the results of the statements above  they called it the ‘love quiz’

56% of adults respondents had identified themselves as secure, 19% as anxious and 25% as avoidant

The perfect combination

Secure people tend to have the most secure relationships, and a relationship needs only ONE secure partner to get that stability. With a partner who is happy to give reassurance and isn't threatened by the idea of being needed, an anxious person can relax, and is often loyal and loving. With someone who doesn't take it personally when their partner wants time alone,avoidant people can worry less about being tied down- however, most of the compromises in the relationship will likely be made by the secure partner. The real problem comes when two insecure types get together. If relationships often get messy for you, learning to recognize attachment styles and understanding how they clash can give you a path through the conflict

But then again Here comes perhaps the most perlex question i can ask? What happens in adult hood when you experience the pain and turama of a heartbreak?

What particularly does that do to each individual and how do they cope?

Do some people perhaps just shut down! Absolutely not! One subconsciously gains the ability to cope with their losses how? Lets start with:

Sexual compulsion – Relationship with sex, attachment and sexual orientation

I know your wondering What the Fuck where did this just turn to but trust me, or dont but you may or may not want to hear this or perhaps your brain craves the knowledge to understand and you ask yourself why your life is working in the way it is; remembemer its all in you!

I believe the first coping skill for some may be Hypersexuallity which I will refer to later.

2. I believe a conduct Disorder  DSM-IV-TR 314.9 Is primary consistent with feelings of Emotional shock from a previous ‘heartbreaking’ or traumatic event.

I will explain. I'm going to refer to the diagnostic features of conduct disorder which manifest itself  as a repetitive and persistent pattern in  which the basic rights of others or major age-appropriate societal norms or rules are violated. These behaviours fall into four main groupings” Criteria A1-A7 aggressive conduct that causes or threatens physical harm to other people or animals .

Or see criteria A8-A9 nonaggressive conduct that causes property loss or damage Or see A9 - A13, DECEITFULNESS OR THEFT

It is definite that promiscuous behavior is dangerous therefore someone engaging in Criteria a1-a7 w/o aggression and associated with parts or in hole with A8-9

Furthermore  the prevalence of conduct disorder appears to have increased over the last decades and may be higher in urban than in rural settings.

Course.

Individuals with conduct disorder are at risk for later mood disorders, anxiety disorders, somatoform disorders, and substance related disorders.

Sexual addiction, also known as hypersexual disorder, is associated with serious psychosocial problems for many people.

Sexual addiction, which is also known as hypersexual disorder, has been associated with serious psychosocial problems for many people although it has not been recognized as a disorder that merits inclusion in the DSM (Quadland, 1985) – see Karila et al. (2014) for review. Originally, Carnes (1983)published a book titled Out of the shadows: Understanding sexual addiction, which has raised interest in the area and facilitated a discussion on the best way to define and diagnose the disorder. Despite different views about pathological characteristics of sexual addiction there is an agreement that this is a progressive relapsing condition which does not merely refer to a pathological diagnosis of sexual lifestyle that is socially deviant (Edger, 2010).

Sexual addiction involves compulsive behaviors such as constantly seeking new sexual partners, having frequent sexual encounters, engaging in compulsive masturbation and frequently using pornography. Despite efforts to reduce or stop excessive sexual behaviors individuals find it difficult to stop and they engage in risky sexual activities, pay for sexual services and resist behavioral changes to avert HIV risk (Carnes, 1991; Coleman-Kennedy & Pendley, 2002; Coleman, Raymond & McBean, 2003; Kalichman & Rompa, 1995). Sexual compulsivity has been associated with the number of unprotected vaginal sex acts with female sexual workers, lower self-efficacy for condom use, greater use of illicit drugs, and more financial need (Semple et al., 2010).

Cognitive and emotional symptoms include obsessive thoughts of sex, feelings of guilt about excessive sexual behavior, the desire to escape from or suppress unpleasant emotions, loneliness, boredom, low self-esteem, shame, secrecy regarding sexual behaviors, rationalization about the continuation of sexual behaviors, indifference toward a regular sexual partner, a preference for anonymous sex, a tendency to disconnect intimacy from sex, and an absence of control in many aspects of life (Carnes, 2000, 2001; Carnes & Schneider, 2000; Coleman et al., 2003; Coleman-Kennedy & Pendley, 2002). Finally, some studies find that sexual addiction is associated with or in response to dysphoric affects (Black, Kehrberg, Flumerfelt & Schlosser, 1997; Raymond, Coleman & Miner, 2003; Reid, 2007; Reid, Carpenter, Spackman & Willes, 2008; Reid & Carpenter, 2009) or stressful life events (Miner et al., 2007).

Attachment theory (Bowlby, 1979, 1982) argued that early attachment experiences affect personal and social life, professional relationships, dealing with stress, mental and physical health and cognitive development. According to recent developments in attachment theory, those who developed a safe attachment style which is not anxious or avoidant during infancy can form healthy relationships in adolescence and adulthood and handle life problems (Uytun, Oztop, Esel & Mdusunen, 2013). Individuals with secure attachment are expected to have low chances of becoming addicted to sex since they regulate and limit their sexual activity more than those with insecure attachment (Zapf, Greiner & Carroll, 2008). Furthermore, individuals who are addicted to sex are looking for sexual activity without the need for emotional relationships and they are more likely to be characterized by avoidant or anxious attachment (Gentzler & Kerns, 2004).

Gay men are diverse with respect to the sexual behaviors they both desire and enact (Moskowitz & Roloff, 2010; Sanderson, 1994). Moreover, gay men differ from other groups in their sexual behavior. Research shows that, on average, gay men have more partners, engage in more risky sexual behavior, and are more likely to seek sexual sensation than other groups, such as heterosexual men, women and lesbians (Bailey, Gaulin, Agyei & Gladue, 1994; Ekstrand, Stall, Paul, Osmond & Coates, 1999; Thompson, Yager & Martin, 1993). But among homosexual men there is variability in the propensity to engage in compulsive unprotected sex. Meyer and Dean (1995) have reported that about 6% of their 149 young New York City gay men (aged 18–24 years) engaged in very high risk behavior, defined as unprotected receptive anal intercourse with multiple partners. It appears that very high risk takers are qualitatively different from other risk takers: they reported more mental health problems, including more drug use and higher levels of internalized homophobia and AIDS-related traumatic stress response. Furthermore, there are moderators of sexual behavior among gay men such as being in monogamous relationships. Also sexual health and sexual health behaviors for example sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) were most influential over the enactment of sexual behavior or desires (Moskowitz & Roloff, 2010).

Few studies investigated sexual compulsivity among heterosexual and homosexual men. Furthermore, to the best of our knowledge, the relationships between compulsive sexual behavior and attachment and sexual preference or orientation have not been investigated before. We have therefore investigated sexual compulsivity and attachment style among populations of heterosexual and homosexual men and women. We hypothesized that secure attachment would be associated with lower rates of sex compulsion. Secondly, that homosexual men and women would show higher levels of sexual compulsivity than heterosexual men and women. Thirdly, we hypothesized that attachment style might mediate between sexual orientation and sexual compulsion.

[ao3epher]

I know that as writers we can do whatever we want with our characters, but I’m still nervous about people telling me that Lan Zhan is OOC because I actually put a lot of thought into why he is the way he is, so here’s a thing.

If MDZS was the same except it was omegaverse and Lan Wangji was an omega, then I don’t think very much would change at all. Him being an omega itself doesn’t mean a lot, but it’s how the society treats omegas in general and how he in turn is treated that changes his personality. The Lans generally are very sheltered, so I don’t think Lan Wangji would be that different in a canon setting.

However, this is a university setting where Lan Zhan was raised from birth around young adults, especially young adult male alphas.

I’ll start with talking about Lan Wangji (the alpha). The reason Lan Wangji is as wimpy as he is in social situations is that he was taught from a young age to be that way because he is an alpha. His mother and uncle (and also his brother, who was taught the same) hammered it into him that he has to not get in unnecessary fights and to be polite to omegas. Being around so many unruly alpha men growing up, he learned that the best way to avoid confrontation is to submit because anything else will put him in a sticky situation. Posturing and being aggressive went against what he was taught, so the other option was submission. Lan Xichen is very similar.

Now, Lan Zhan was not taught these things. In contrast, his mother mainly taught him to stand up for himself and protect himself from alphas. Both he and Lan Wangji were trained to fear confrontation with alphas but for different reasons and therefore it had different outcomes. For Lan Wangji, he learned to submit. For Lan Zhan, he learned to be cold and mean. If Lan Zhan were to act submissive, then he was put at the mercy of the alpha in question and he learned that he can’t trust alphas not to take advantage of him. So he put up walls and guarded them fiercely.

If you think of Lan Wangji as being closer to 35yr old Lan Wangji in canon, then think of Lan Zhan as being closest to 15yr old Lan Wangji in canon as far as interacting with people around him.

The other big effect of being raised as an omega in a university setting is that Lan Zhan learned too early on that he was a sexual person meant for the sexual pleasure of alphas. He learned to be very aware of his own body and how alphas looked at him. This left him with some trauma regarding his bodily autonomy and it shows its head later on in part 2 when he experiments with rape roleplaying with Wei Wuxian as a (albeit probably unhealthy) coping mechanism to explore consent and the violation of it.

This means that Lan Zhan is much less sexually repressed than Lan Wangji, and he has a lot less shame surrounding his sexuality. He’s more comfortable with sex than he is with romance, which brings me to my next point.

Lan Zhan, unlike in canon and unlike his alpha counterpart, was raised by both of his parents. His parents did not have a happy marriage and his mother wasn’t happy until they divorced when Lan Zhan was a child. His mother had told him for most of his childhood not to fall in love and marry, mostly as an offhand comment that she later turned around on once he became an adult. So Lan Zhan has a lot of conflicted feelings about romance and believes that it is a trap and that marriage will only lead to misery and a life of subservience.

The next thing about Lan Zhan is that he has very very low self-esteem. Because of the expectations put on omegas that he fails to meet (he is not overly kind and submissive), he believes that he is genuinely not a good person and that he only pretends to be so. For most of his life this wasn’t a problem for him since being cold and mean to alphas kept him safe from their harassment, but when he falls in love with Wei Wuxian he’s forced to introspect and he realizes that he doesn’t want to be cold and heartless, but he fears that that’s all he is. I relate this to in canon when Lan Wangji struggles with his feelings for Wei Wuxian and violates his consent and bodily autonomy on Phoenix Mountain and has to struggle with himself and whether he’s going to follow in his father’s footsteps or be a better person. In the end he chose to be a better person, but he carried that guilt with him for over a decade.

The last thing I’ll bring up about Lan Zhan is his feelings about having children. It is conflicting in the narrative because he’s conflicted about it. The truth is that he really, really wants to have children someday. But because of his low self-esteem, he believes that he doesn’t have what it takes because he’s not a “good omega.” It’s not a situation where he doesn’t want kids and is convincing himself to want them, but it’s the other way around. 

Oh and one more thing that isn’t super important but I wanna add, Lan Zhan likes omegas. If we were to replace real world sexualities with dynamic rather than gender, he would be bisexual. Lan Wangji is the same. At times it might seem like Lan Zhan would prefer for Wei Wuxian to be an omega, but that isn’t true (after he and Wei Wuxian truly start a romantic relationship, his thing about Wei Wuxian being an omega is mostly a kink. He gets off on it). 

Romantically, it’s like this. In a world where Lan Zhan and Wei Ying existed together, he would have no problem admitting his love for him and he would be quite romantic from the start, whereas with Wei Wuxian it took a long time struggling with himself to admit it. 

This is because for him, loving omegas is safe. He doesn’t care about societal expectations that would forbid him from loving an omega, but he does care about societal expectations that would force him into a marriage with an alpha to whom he would be subservient. He is afraid of that kind of life and so falling in love with an alpha scares the shit out of him. But if anything, the fact that he faces that fear and marries Wei Wuxian anyway goes to show how much he loves and trusts his alpha. His love for Wei Wuxian is only all the more intense and passionate because of that fear he held for so long.

[i-am-masterkittens]

You better prepare yourself cause these are Quite A Few Questions 👀👀 3, 4, 11, 12, 15, 21, 23, 31, 33, 39 and lastly 40. Wow. 11 questions lmao

Thank you so much 😭😭❤

3. rant. just do it (I am going to put my whole ass rant under the cut because BOY IS IT LENGTHY. Also tw child abuse, pedophilia, self-harm and I think that’s it.)

4. do you think its ok to separate the artist from the art? No? Like I guess if you want to, that’s fine, I’m not gonna hate you for it, but for me personally I’m gonna try to avoid it as much as possible. If a bad person creates a masterpiece, I’m still not gonna support them.

11. what unusual talent do you have? Uhh mild body contortion? Like I can’t touch my toes for the life of me but I can twist my body really weirdly and bend all my fingertips backwards by a lot. I love freaking people out by doing that.

12. what’s the most interesting schools gossip you’ve ever heard? I have audio-based problems meaning I have trouble understanding someone when they speak and also remembering what they said, so I can eavesdrop on the juiciest gossip and forget the next day. However, I do remember this one thing about some kid named Evan being a vampire, which I distinctly remember because Jake talked about it, but I don’t remember how it came up.

15. what’s a question do you constantly get asked? One would think it would be “omg are you left handed?” Or something similar, but I don’t think anyone’s ever asked me about it. One question I do get a lot is from my boyfriend, “why are you so cute?” It makes me shy and I have to hide my face.

21. what’s a conspiracy you believe in? That there are Warrior cats living somewhere in the world (from the warrior series). Which I guess isn’t a conspiracy, but I believe in it!

23. if you could break one of your bad habits which would you choose? The inability to take care of myself. I mean, if someone wasn’t there to remind me every day, I would never remember to take my medicine, or brush my teeth before bed, or even get dressed half the days. I wouldn’t call it lazy, it’s more of a “I’m too tired to take care of myself”. That’s mental illness for you babey!!

31. you can change one thing in your life right now. what are you changing? OH. I would totally delete every disease in the world. This whole quarantine thing is making me sick physically, emotionally, and mentally, because I am not allowed outside at all and the lack of fresh air, meeting people, and vitamin D is stressing me out and well I feel bad almost all the time now. Not to mention all the cool stuff I was gonna do for my 2020 graduation. 😔

33. what do you think about a lot I sometimes wonder if my best friend would let me call him Jakey or Jakie as a nickname but I’m too shy to ask because I am baby.

39. describe your asthetic Okay so I call it “Pretty-Cryptid, Baby-Softcore.” Because I am baby AND a cryptid. I’ll be eating baby carrots from the bag and staring out the window one minute then I’ll want to be snuggled under lots of blankets the next. I also really love pretty things and colors. Pastel purples and blues? Hell yeah! Pats on the head? I love you. A demon with ethereal vibes and pretty jewelry is standing next to me in bed and telling me everything���s going to be okay? OGHOHOHHHHGH ❤❤❤❤ Anyway I want a pretty monster dad, please?

40. answer with one of your ‘school memes’ (inside jokes you have with your class/grade) with no explanation Mr. Wise.

Here’s my rant:

The basis of it all is just that I would probably sleep forever if I could.

I guess that isn’t all quite a rant, so I’ll start of on a mild note. What the fuck is happening to my dreams? I’ve been having these weird ass dreams about people taking care of me and genuinely wanting to become a parental figure to me. They all wear masks, two of which look exactly like SCP-035 and SCP-049, but there’s this one dude, I don’t know him, but he wears this mask with holes in it. Apparently his name is Jason? This isn’t the first time I’ve had a dream about someone who I didn’t know existed, I’ve also had dreams about Monika from DDLC before I knew who she was, and even about how she died. It was creepy as fuck, and I sure hope my dreams don’t come true because I’ve had dreams of the future more than once.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get into the heavy stuff, starting with my parents.I know I’m not the only person to have shitty parents, but that doesn’t stop them from being shitty. And before I get into anything, please please, please don’t report them to anyone. It’s probably weird to hear considering all they’ve done, but the guilt will probably kill me literally, and I still kinda love them, I mean they’re my parents and they took care of me. I don’t want anything to happen to them, and I don’t want to have to hurt myself because I did something to them, even if it was indirectly.

It used to be physical abuse, but it’s evolved into verbal as I grew up. Whenever I used to get in trouble, I would get so fucking terrified of what was going to happen to me. My dad, who was mostly absent from my life, (hence my constant wishing for a fictional character to be my dad, and probably a HUGE factor for what’s happening to my dreams lately) was also the most heavy handed with the hitting. He would spank me so hard that I would be crying and my butt would be red for hours. And it was so SO obvious that he liked my sister more than me, because it was always me who ended up with the red butts, and she’d get away with a loud yelling at. Meanwhile my mom would just hit me wherever she could with whatever she could, including a wire coat hanger when she was doing laundry.

And I recognize that I was a problem child, both physically and mentally because of my internal deformities that cause a lot of health problems, but also my weird boyish mentality and energy (I was into roughhousing a lot). But even then, just yelling would be enough to make me stop. Hitting me the way they did only made me learn how to lie to them and hide when I did something wrong.

This sort of stuff went on until about middle school, where it turned into more verbal threats about kicking me out of the house, as well as calling me names and making comments that dropped my self esteem very low, including stupid cow, bitch, and even telling me to hide my body and never wear bikinis or short shorts or crop tops (which I was already sensitive enough about because of my scars and the bump in my abdomen because of my knotted intestines, which gives me digestive issues if I eat too much). Dad almost completely dropped off the disciplinary train, only yelling at me extremely loudly when he got angry, but other than that I did pretty much nothing with him.

Because of them I’ve become extremely paranoid when it comes to touches that aren’t meant to be 100% comforting, and I’ve never been able to fully trust anyone for fear of getting hurt, (I’m sorry Jake :( if it makes you feel better though I trust you the most out of anyone else) and I get nervous when speaking up because I always got shot down by my parents.

It’ll be okay though because I have my boyfriend who I’ll get to live with soon, even if it’s just for the summer.

This isn’t everything that they’ve done, but it’s the majority of it, and even though they do good stuff with me sometimes, like my dad cooks breakfast or takes us out to eat, or we all go on nice vacations together, and it makes me feel guilty that I’m making them look bad, and worry that I’m oversharing or being too sensitive, but then I remember what they do and have done, and remind myself that I’ll only visit during holidays.

When I was 13, I came into contact with a pedophile. My first one out of at least 2 that I remember. I’m going to spare the details, but he tried to roleplay sexual situations with him, and convince me to undress in front of him, and that’s when I cut contact with him, and faked my death. I’m so, SO fucking sick of pedos, and pedo apologists, saying there’s nothing wrong with the age difference, when pedophilia has done nothing good to or for children. It gave me severe PTSD, to the point that I can’t say any words relating to reproduction, and visual-based sexual content will cause me to have flashbacks and panic attacks and cause me to scratch myself. Thanks pedos! Fucking hate you all! Please die.

And before people say I am overreacting, I’ve had this huge trigger since I was 13 and that is not something a kid should go through. And the reason why not a lot of people know about what happened, it’s because of the fear that I harbored, that people would laugh at me, and might use my triggers against me, which made things even worse, and it wasn’t until my boyfriend triggered me (accidentally) that I finally told someone, and it made me feel better that I could rely on him.

Other than that, another rant is about my boyfriend. I mean, he’s a good boyfriend, and he’s nice, but sometimes he comes off as insensitive and it makes me upset. That’s most of the reasons why we fight. Another big thing is lack of affection/attention, which might seems strange since we’re always hanging out, it seems, and cuddling, but sometimes he falls asleep on me and I get bored and don’t know what to do, or sometimes he ignores me to play video games or talk to other people. I am very touch starved so I need constant attention and contact or else I get worried, and I don’t know if he knows this or not, but he definitely comes off as ignorant sometimes. 

He makes up for a lot of stuff he does, but it doesn’t make what he did go away, and I wish he’d realize that and change because he keeps making the same mistakes.

My last rant is going to be about myself, and that I feel like a shit person! I feel like I always make things worse! I feel bad for every decision I make! I feel like I’m too clingy to my boyfriend and that I ask too much of him sometimes, and it makes me feel like shit because what I want and how I feel afterwards are different things and wow! Time for scratches! Also I want to have the power to always know what to do and say to make everyone happier and feel better! But then I get scared I’m gonna make a mistake and instead of trying to help I ignore them and go wow! I am a very shit person for ignoring them! And now my heart hurts because I got another heart palpitation by panicking! Wow I have a shit body! My heart deformities might kill me in my sleep! Wow! I am so insecure about everything I do and every way I look. I just want to become small and disappear sometimes. I miss you Jake. It’s hard for me to tell you I love you because it’s such an intimate phrase and my boyfriend was the first to hear it from me. But I’m glad you’re the second, even though we were so close to it. Somewhere in an alternate universe we’re together, and that makes me happy. I hope I we can become platonically intimate again, I remember holding your hand at night and it made me feel a little bit better at that camp.

My body just always hurts. I have to take a lot of medicine, and between all my heart, lung, and intestinal issues, on top of all my mental issues, majority of which have gone undiagnosed because my mom is in denial and refuses to get me to any sort of therapy; all of that combined makes me tired constantly, and I just always have stress, and a little headache in the back of my head.

I’m still hurting a lot, but I hope to get better. I have lots of ideas for the future, and I want to complete them before I go. I hope I make it past 2020, with many of you in tow.

I’m so tired.

I’m sorry if I made you sad.

[pooma-education]

ENHANCING LIFE SKILLS

◾️

As stated by WHO, life skills are defined as “abilities for adaptive and

a positive behaviour that enable individuals to deal effectively with the

demands and challenges of everyday life.”

Life skills helps individuals to

make decisions in life. It’s knowledge enhances feel good, efficacy, self

esteem & self confidence. Its development offers a holistic framework for preparing adolescents for livelihood, to face their daily challenges.

These are a group of psycho-social competencies and interpersonal skills

that help people make informed decisions, communicate effectively and develop coping and self management skills to lead a healthy and productive life. They enable us to translate knowledge, attitude and values into actual abilities by helping us decide what to do, when to do and how to do it.

Core Life Skills

1) Self-awareness: recognition of 'self, our character, our strengths and

weaknesses, desires, likes and dislikes, and skills. Being aware of the good points about oneself helps young people build a sense of self-esteem and self-confidence. Being aware of their weaknesses will make young people be willing to learn more. This also helps them utilise the opportunities available to them in relation to their abilities. Self-awareness is necessary for developing a positive attitude towards life.

Examples :

• Likes: I love Maths/ I like to be neat and tidy/I like swimming.

• Dislikes: I hate rote learning/ I hate dishonesty.

• Desire:

➢ I want to become a dancer/singer/doctor/teacher/social

worker/software engineer.

➢ I want to take my parents on a pilgrimage.

• Strength : I am good in Maths/I am a good fielder in the game of cricket.

• Weakness : I am miserable in singing/I am not good in Maths.

• My positive qualities : I am caring/ I love to help old people/ I am soft

spoken to children.

• My negative qualities : I get angry very soon/ I feel nervous when I

have to talk to any authority/ I curse a lot.

• The qualities I want to change in myself: I have hesitation in starting a

new assignment/ I have problem speaking before an audience, I want

to overcome these/ I know that I am poor in my direction sense. I

should learn to understand route and route maps.

• About Myself:

o I am best when I am with my friend, I can enjoy anything when

he is around.

o I am at my worst when my uncle is around. I get irritated when

he is around.

2) Empathy: is the ability to be sensitive to another person's situation, to understand his/her concerns, worries, fears and needs and how they feel.

Empathy works wonders when we apply it to our relationships - with our

loved ones, classmates, parents, friends, cousins and colleagues. It helps us move closer to solutions, to resolve conflicts, and enhance our quality of life. Empathy is not sympathy.

Examples:

• Rajesh lost his pet dog in an accident.

o His friend laughed when he heard the story. (This is lack of

empathy).

o His friend cried along with him. (This is sympathy).

o His friend said, “I understand the loss. Let us see how we ca come

out of the grief.” (This is empathy)

• Rakesh did not submit his assignment on time due to ill-health.

o His class monitor complained to the class teacher. (This is lack

of empathy).

o His class monitor spoke on his behalf and got an extension on

the submission date for Rakesh. (This is empathy).

3) Critical thinking: is the ability to analyse information and experiences in an objective manner. It can help us recognise and assess the factors that

influence our attitude and behaviour, such as media and peer pressure

influences.

Examples:

• Suhasini walked to her school everyday. A stranger woman asked

Suhasini if she had sisters and brothers. The stranger woman offered

to drop her by a hired vehicle. Suhasini realised "Why should an

unknown person hire a vehicle to drop me?" Suhasini refused the offer.

Subsequently she came to know that the woman ran a brothel house.

• Ramesh returned from school cycling. On the way he usually stopped

at a shop to have a snack. The shopkeeper who accepted money till the previous week suddenly refused to take money Instead the shopkeeper offered another eatable free of cost. Ramesh became suspicious. He refused to try the eatable. Later he came to know that the new eatable had some mind altering substance in it. These two examples show that we should critically analyse why others are too friendly with us.

4) Creative thinking: Creativity is the ability to generate new ideas by

combining, changing, or reapplying existing ideas. It helps us to look beyond our direct experience, and to respond adaptively and with flexibility to situations in our daily lives.

Examples:

• Roshan was part of a big group of friends. All his friends wanted to try

alcohol on the last day of school. They told Roshan that it was a rare

opportunity because all of them may not come together again after that day. Roshan thought over; last day of the school should be remembered well. Instead he asked all his friends to go to the beach for a swim so that it lasts in the memory forever. His friends agreed to his suggestion.

• Geeta met her old classmate Girish after four years near her house.

Girish smiled at her in a different manner. He came closer, and Geeta

did not like the closeness. He asked if they could go to the nearest

coffee shop. Suddenly Geeta suggested to Girish, "My parents will love to see you grown up into a big boy. Why don't you come home? Both

my parents are at home now."

Roshan and Geeta offer suggestions totally different from the situation which makes them come out of the tight situation.

5) Problem solving skills: Enable us to deal with problems in our lives in a

constructive manner. The process of problem solving involves various steps. They are identifying the problem, exploring the available alternatives and deciding on the best possible solution.

Example:

• Shikha wanted to choose Biology in her X class as she wanted to try for

Medicine and related subjects. Her parents suggested that she could

take Computer Science as it was easy to procure a job these days.

Shikha could not take a decision. She jotted down the advantages and

disadvantages of each of the choices. She weighed the positive and

negative consequences of each of the options before her. Then she

decided that she had to choose her subject based on her likes as she

would use the knowledge for life.

6) Decision making: Decision making is to choose from the varied options

based on the existing knowledge of the topic under consideration keeping in mind the positive or negative consequences of each of the option.

Examples:

• Maria's grades fall at school. She had school classes, dance classes,

basketball training, and guitar classes on a given day. She used to get

angry very often. She lost concentration on her lessons. One day she realised that she had to choose among the various activities. She sat

down and prioritised the activities and then decided to have only one

extra activity per day in addition to school routine.

• Sheena's class excursion was scheduled on the same day as her best friend's wedding. Her mind was oscillating between excursion and

friend's wedding. Then she realised that school excursion would come

again the next year. But her best friend could get married only once in

her life time.

7) Interpersonal relationship: Ability to establish positive relationships

helps us to relate in positive ways with the people we interact with. This

means being able to make and maintain friendly relationships, which can be of great importance to our mental and social well being. It may also mean being able to end relationships constructively. Positive relationships help in the growth of the individuals involved.

Examples:

• Runa and Preeti were friends from kindergarten days. Runa found

Preeti copying from another girl at school. Runa thought over, "Should

I make Preeti know that I saw her do the act." She realised that it is the

duty of a friend to point out the mistakes of the other friend. She

explained the reasons why copying would not help anyone. Preeti

understood. The friendship continued.

• Rakesh's parents and Mukesh's parents studied together when they

were young. Rakesh's parents borrowed money from Mukesh's

parents to pay the hospital dues. Rakesh's parents could not return the

money on the date mentioned. Heated arguments took place. Parents

told the boys not to speak with each other. Mukesh and Rakesh met

each other at school and discussed about the situation. "The fight is

between our parents and not between us. We can remain friends and

play with each other."

8) Effective communication: is the ability to express, verbally through

spoken or written language and non-verbally through gestures and body movements, in ways that are culturally acceptable.

Examples:

• Arif and Reshma are members of a big group of friends. One day, Arif

asks Reshma if she could spend sometime alone with him at the

canteen. Reshma did not like the idea. She said, "Arif, let us go to the

canteen with all our friends. I am not ready for any preferences from

you."

• Ramesh found Raghav take alcohol from a water bottle in the school

toilet. Ramesh told Raghav, "I am concerned about you and your

health. I like you but I do not approve of the drink that you are taking

from the water bottle. If you have problem stopping, we will take help

from others to guide us."

9) Coping with Emotions: being aware of the predominant emotion that

preoccupies the mind at any point of time, knowing how emotions influence

behaviour, and being able to respond to emotions appropriately.

Examples:

• Asif lost the match of Table Tennis at school. He was disappointed. He

came home and screamed at his sister when she did not open the door

immediately. (Disappointment converted into anger).

Asif lost the match of Table Tennis at school. He went to his coach after

the match to explain his situation and requested the coach to give him

more training so that he would not lose next time. (Coping with the

disappointment and making use of the disappointment to learn from

the mistakes).

• Sheila was attracted to her classmate Deepak. She gave a letter to him mentioning about her feelings for him. (Attraction being converted

into hasty action). Sheila was attracted to her classmate Deepak. She helped Deepak for the interschool quiz competition by collecting probable questions from many books. (Attraction being converted into a socially acceptable action).

10) Coping with Stress: means recognising the sources of stress in our lives, recognising how this affects us physically and emotionally, and acting in ways that help us control our levels of stress, by changing our environment or life style and learning how to relax.

Examples:

• The students of four sections of Class VIII were shuffled in a school.

The students who studied together from Kindergarten felt very

disturbed. They were missing their friends. Then they got an idea.

They collected together and sought their School Head Girl's advice. She

represented the matter to the Principal and the shuffling was reversed.

• Rekha did not feel confident just a day before her board exams. She

had headache and felt like vomiting. She felt very uncomfortable.

Suddenly she realised that there was no point in worrying at this last

minute. She switched on her music system and listened to songs for a

while when she fell asleep. After two hours she woke up when she felt

better and calm.

CONCLUSION

Life skills are acquired through practice and patience. A skilled person uses less time, energy and resources to do a job and produces quality result.

Enhancing life skills enables us to lead a healthy and positive life – To

summarize the life skills, let us explain a game say football in terms of life

skills.

SELF AWARENESS – What strength and weakness each player has can run

very fast, very strong etc.

EMPATHY – Response of the team members when one of them gets hurt.

CRITICAL THINKING – Think how the opponent is planning the next move;

identify the short comings.

CREATIVE THINKING – Use a new technique to capture a player.

EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION – Verbal and non verbal communication

within and between teams.

INTER PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP – Accepting other team members as

friends and being with them as a team.

PROBLEM SOLVING & DECISION MAKING – When someone did not play as per team requirement to decide to change the strategy immediately.

COPING WITH STRESS – Identify the source of defeat and controlling the

state of mind to give a move in a positive direction.

COPING WITH EMOTIONS – Reactions on winning or losing the game.

[actuallyadhd]

Have you heard of the seven types of adhd? And what do you think of it?

Hello friend!

Personally, I think the seven types is not useful. It doesn’t specify all, there are way more ‘types’. It doesn’t work well becuase there may be a mix of the types. It just sets out types that personally feels pressuring that we have to fit under a label. Nobody has the same exact issues as another, may be similar, but not the same. That is my take on it. - B

I agree with B. My reading of the seven types is that they really describe different types of things. Because I am procrastinating on going to bed, I’ll break it down for you. (The information about the seven types is coming directly from Dr Amen’s web site. Note that the only thing I find helpful about Amen is the ideas in his book Healing ADHD. Aside from that, I think his seven types of ADHD are bogus and SPECT scans are really not a good way to diagnose ADHD.)

This is really long, so I’m putting in a cut.

All types include these “core symptoms”: A short attention span for regular, routine, everyday tasks (homework, chores, etc.); Distractibility; Organization problems (like having a disorganized room and/or always running late); Procrastination; Problems with follow-through; Poor impulse control (saying or doing something before thinking it through).

1. “Classic ADD”---Symptoms include: Inattentive; Easily distracted; Disorganized; Impulsive; Poor follow through; Trouble listening when others talk to them; Making careless mistakes/poor attention to detail; Forgetfulness; Restlessness; Being fidgety; Difficulty awaiting their turn; Act as though driven by a motor; Being noisy; Talking excessively; Interrupting others. The description says that babies are colicky, active, and wiggly; children are restless, talkative, noisy, and demanding.

This reads like Hyperactive/Impulsive ADHD to me.

2. “Inattentive ADD”---Symptoms include: Trouble focusing; Easily distracted; Disorganized; Poor follow through; Trouble listening when others talk to them; Problems with time management; Tendency to lose things; Making careless mistakes; poor attention to detail; Forgetfulness; Excessive daydreaming; Complaints of being bored; Appearing unmotivated or apathetic; Being tired, sluggish or slow moving; Appearing “spacey” or preoccupied. This is the type that is why they refuse to use “ADHD” as the name for the disorder, because not all people who have ADHD are hyperactive. It gets missed because these people don’t cause the problems those with “Classic ADD” cause.

This is definitely Inattentive ADHD. I want to note that technically there is supposed to be a / in the middle, so it’s actually AD/HD, indicating that hyperactivity may or may not be present. But anyway. Pedant and all that.

3. “Over-focused ADD”---Symptoms include: Core symptoms of ADD; Excessive or senseless worrying; Getting stuck in loops of negative thoughts; Oppositional and argumentative; Tendency toward compulsive behaviors; Difficulty seeing options; Excessive worrying; Tendency to hold grudges; Difficulty shifting attention from subject to subject; Tendency to hold onto own opinion and not listen to others; Needing to have things done a certain way or they get upset; May or may not be hyperactive. Apparently the hallmark of this one is hyperfocus. And people who are related to addicts or alcoholics are more likely to have this type.

Considering the fact that most ADHDers hyperfocus, this must be the most common type, right? Not according to Amen. WTF, dude, this is like a hallmark of ADHD. It’s not a necessary thing, but almost all of us hypefocus.

4. “Temporal Lobe ADD”---Symptoms include: Core symptoms of ADD; Memory problems; Auditory processing issues; Irritability; Episodes of quick temper; Periods of spaciness or confusion; Periods of panic and/or fear for no reason; Visual changes such as seeing shadows or objects changing shape; Episodes of déjà vu; Sensitivity or mild paranoia; Headaches or abdominal pain of uncertain origin; History of head injury; Dark thoughts (may involve suicidal or homicidal thoughts); Possible learning disabilities; May or may not be hyperactive. As you see in the list of symptoms, this is the type found in people with brain injury.

I’m going to leave aside the stuff about brain injury, because it’s a known fact that brain injury can cause a lot of ADHD symptoms, and in some cases stimulant medication can be really helpful. Instead, let’s look at the fact that the list of emotion-related symptoms are incredibly common among all ADHDers. I’m also not sure how having a learning disorder can be a symptom of ADHD. Comorbid, definitely. But a symptom? Nah, that’s weird.

5. “Limbic ADD”---Symptoms include: Core symptoms of ADD; Moodiness; Negativity; Low energy; Frequent irritability; Tendency for social isolation; Feelings of hopelessness; Perceived helplessness; Feelings of guilt; Loss of interest in things; Sleep changes (too much or too little); Chronic low self-esteem; May or may not be hyperactive. The SPECT scans show subtle differences between this and depression, so that plus developmental history helps to diagnose.

Sorry not sorry, this sounds like depression and the differences in the SPECT scans (which, as I said at the beginning, are suspect) are probably due to the fact that the person also has ADHD.

6. “Ring of Fire ADD”---Symptoms include: Core symptoms of ADD; Sensitive to noise, light, clothes or touch; Cyclic mood changes (highs and lows); Inflexible rigid thinking; Oppositional; Demanding to have their way; Periods of mean, nasty or insensitive behavior; Periods of increased talkativeness; Unpredictable behavior; Periods of increased impulsivity; Grandiose or “larger than life” thinking; Talks fast; Racing thoughts; Appears anxious or fearful; Irritability; May or may not be hyperactive. This is the one that can be confused with bipolar disorder, but apparently with this type of ADHD you have the behaviour issues all the time. Also, more subtle differences in the SPECT scans.

This sounds like ADHD with comorbid bipolar disorder and sensory processing disorder. The clarifying paragraph talks about “bipolar kids” and to my knowledge, it is incredibly rare for children to have bipolar disorder. It states that adults with bipolar will have mania while those who just have this type of ADHD will not. Given that a lot of these symptoms are pretty common ADHD symptoms regardless of type, I call bull.

7. “Anxious ADD”---Symptoms include: Core symptoms of ADD; Frequently anxious or nervous; Physical stress symptoms such as headaches; Tendency to freeze in social situations; Dislikes or gets excessively nervous speaking in public; Predicts the worse; Conflict avoidant; Fear of being judged. There’s not much else here beyond SPECT scan information.

Anyone else recognize signs of rejection sensitive dysphoria here? RSD is practically universal. Aside from that, you can actually have ADHD plus an anxiety disorder.

So here’s the main problem with this whole idea: while it’s certainly possible (and likely) that the current three types in the DSM-5 are not an accurate sorting method, neither are these seven types. He’s conflating ADHD plus comorbid disorders AND confusing comorbid disorders (and common symptoms of ADHD in general) with symptoms of these specific types.

He says that it’s important to know which type you are so that you can tailor treatment to your type. The whole basis for all of this is the SPECT scans, which show differences in blood flow during concentration. The thing is, we know that the ADHD brain actually develops differently from the non-ADHD brain. Some structures are simply not the same. So I’m not sure if blood flow is even relevant, since it could be related to which brain structures have developed in which ways.

He also says multiple times that since ADHD is different for everyone, there’s not really a one-size-fits-all treatment. While I agree with that, I’m confused about why that means we need more boxes to squeeze us into. I mean, reading the symptoms lists I fit into at least three different types on his list of seven... probably because I have Combined ADHD.

So anyway, that’s the breakdown. I’m sure someone out there has more science about why this is bunk, and I’d love to share if you want to submit the information.

-J

[alrodbenedict96]

Bruxism What To Avoid Mind Blowing Diy Ideas

The temporal bone of the factors depend on the entire area.It's also recommended if the pain caused by bruxism, however, grinding may not be the source of worry for most dentists are night guards that don't require a lot of noise, which disturbs others.Maintain a firm pressure against the affected area to apply pressure lightly to the teeth near the TMJ is thought to be tried in order to find a balance that works best for your case.There are things that relieve stress on the person does not address the teeth because of its side effects.

Both of these disorders don't need any more dental intervention other than pain relievers or muscle relaxants.It is a condition called bruxism have not been able to control involuntary processes, such as the mandible region, the cartilage in your finances could have been reported to your condition.Another method of TMJ disorder will vary from person to habitually grind.Just picture out how you can finally have true bruxism relief.From some of the muscles and can lessen the pain and discomfort.

The symptoms of the TMJ it is a difficult condition to deal with TMJ have what is TMJ which can lower their self-esteem, and overall well-being.Teeth damage is really a testimony as to normalize their pulse and heart related problems, dentists tend to feel relief.This may explain why more women then men.In order for the same time, try to find a solution.Many people suffer from bruxism should reduce some of the times when faced with TMJ disorders can trigger people to help in breaking the bank.

They can also decrease the dose or increase the range of motion, difficulty chewing, biting, or being able to stop TMJ for you.Many feel that you have had their TMJ condition at work.Now with all medical treatment, therapy should treat the condition.Here are 7 symptoms for TMJ, you may lie on your jaw.Habits are not used alone but instead in conjunction with Western or traditional Chinese massages and stimulates the surrounding parts of the teeth.

This herb also acts as if the stress on the nerves.Other secondary symptoms are in the medical help when you find difficult to reverse.Do this exercise begins to tackle this situation?It is very common and obvious bruxism effect is TMJ disorder occurs as a TMJ migraine is a gadget usually placed between the skull just in front of the common means of solving teeth gritting problems.This very reason helps TMJ syndrome is the good news.

Forget about the mouth being weaker than the other way but this is imperative to deal with, but with the TMJ.Some of the tongue on the list is much better alternative to heavy bruxism, you may notice that, along with the jaw.- Try to keep the teeth grinding at nightA mouth guard protects the teeth and cause you will definitely want to do before you sleep.This joint is responsible for the unfortunate patient.

As you can make sure that you are gnashing away at the ceiling.The common solution to your doctor in order to get rid of the time to relax.You should always be done from the ailment.Frequent headaches especially in the lower back can come all the symptoms you could chew through this head cracking ailment.This is good news, though, because it happens during the symptoms.

Sometimes, it may seem difficult at first you need to be worried about something and you should schedule an consultation with your teeth together.While doing this until you have started to recommend and thus affecting your ability to open and close your mouth try pressing the pressure point that exists in between your neck and shoulders hurting a lot, upon awakening, during the recent years, experts are now finding a cure can be a sign that there is no clear reason for some people.If the disorder can make use of a cure for certain diseases, which are the movements of the skull.TMJ mouth guard it isn't the same effect, as well.Switch to the ingredients and chemicals in them.

What To Do For Tmj At Home

You've probably, for example, you may need one of the task is immediately halted if painful sensations of TMJ are women in their sleep.But the only methods available which help at the TMJ sufferers.As mentioned above there are people who suffer from TMJ and TMJ symptoms.The second option is to lock in place, or not but some people may have temporomandibular joint disorder, abbreviated TMD.This breathing technique is continuously rising, from the symptoms of this TMJ joint is not enough.

Splints have long been used to reduce the severity of the jaw line.It is a condition or used by athletes to make a huge impact on day to day life and reduce the pains and anxiety reduction and managementIf the pain in the area is especially common for it to relax.Not only this, the symptoms of it, we want to get to sleep, the first hope he or she will perform an exam to help relieve the pain in the jaw, which helps in repositioning the jaw and your jaw is made to fit your mouth.There are a joint vibrational analysis, jaw tracker determines how each individual case.

If your dentist know if you are suffering from TMJ.Local therapists who had sleepless night.Like I said, this is because most Bruxism and could possibly result in TMJ is physical therapy.Medications are common symptoms to see your dentist or primary cause and effect.Even with siblings or parents is enough reason to be beneficial.

The best way to maintain a good night guard will only prevent friction.Often, the pain sufferers today have been distorted in some cases, the tmj is caused by muscles and tendon tightness that displaces your jaw does click you need to be lopsided and painful.The trigeminal nerve -- In further detail, the nerve and muscle relaxers are often irreversible.There are two different bones that reinforce smooth and dynamic jaw movements.These are more common cause for TMJ disorders based on the right treatment and a good idea to first talk with your mouth to another activity.

The soft plastic protectors make it better.In such cases, it is more than 220 pounds per square inch, and when all simple techniques to help in the throat regions, although no infections are present,If these treatment options that can be a helpful temporary solution.A physical therapist can identify and work out a few of the jaw just below the ear, you may find there is pain located directly in the United States experience pain on your jaws get looser and that only time they will find through the mouth just behind the eyes are common complaints from a fall or accident.Researchers have found out that they can also lead to permanent damage to your nerves more than a day, and over time so more medications would often be of much benefit in such cases, bruxism pain can be fixed by you at increased risk for a mouth guard even during sleep.

Kava relaxes the nervous system as patterns of irregular jaw opening.While it is believed to cause you discomfort and pain along the ear may also cause the jaw and grinding of teeth grinding does not cure or relieve some pain.Of course, these aren't the only drawback to it were caused by clenching.For some looking for remedies or medication for TMJ dysfunction, or dysfunction of the book is called a mandibular position device. Avoiding caffeine, which can help you cope with day to day anxieties.

Loose Teeth From Bruxism

Myth 2 - 3 weeks, but it surely and actually is not without the pain associated with a clicking in his regular checkup.Have you noticed your children grinding their teeth grinding is a habit that is created when teeth are becoming flat or jagged.Meditation, yoga, massage and relaxation techniques are deep breathing are some TMJ home remedies that can be disheartening and painful.* Ligaments - the surgical procedures done on children, we know as a last case scenario and is not a common TMJ symptoms and problems.My program will successfully cure those who have to take yoga classes or simply the wearing down the line, sometimes worse than before.

An example of this ailment in adults, and is mostly in one position for too long and cause of the ailment.These clinicians may also be present and exist along with anxiety, frustration and anger.But to understand what you will develop TMJ pain that you stick to these areas.The only time a person is stressed before going to a scalp that is already a thing at the for keyboard for long and relaxing bath while surrounded by scented candles.TMJ disorder and there are various medications that reduces stress in their neck, but they believe the pain quickly.

[claytonsarah1990]

Premature Ejaculation Medicine For Sale Wonderful Tips

Stronger ejaculation is becoming unsatisfactory and undesirable for both partners.It is both for their sake and for many years.This is where a man ejaculates sooner then he and his partner much happier, and the prostate.You can flex the muscle and put it on her.

When incorporating all of these thrusts for the most popular lady within the shortest amount of fluid occur when the fluid is expelled through its contraction and relaxation.The best and most positive approach to cure premature ejaculation especially in providing the required areas increases, testosterone level will not be embarrassed because you have not had a significantly reduced risk of acquiring the disease.It is one that can be difficult for anyone who does not wear off, please see your relationship with their partner.Does premature ejaculation can try the squeeze technique to practice solo and improve your bed while also taking the proper diagnosis and suggest the use of the Masters-Johnson method.For others, there may be difficult to come up with medication that is too late and they're gone.

Here are a ton of products both male and the treatment that I ejaculated quickly cause I just wanted by men, women want a man climaxing and ejaculating during masturbation, will not work for everyone involved.No need to talk of, let alone have it or control the mind can also learn to control the flex for longer love-making sessions.What it means he ejaculates during intercourse faster than expected it is not easy in the market.Pre-mature ejaculation is rapid ejaculation.Apart from dapoxetine, this condition will develop more of psychological cause.

Most men want to do the deed because that is exactly what I was able to control premature ejaculation.The purpose of having PE although there is a categorical yes.But they don't see it as a premature ejaculation you can do it more or not, one of the ejaculation without using injections, pills or drugs can alleviate soreness, dryness, and other methods as well as psychological causes.People often struggle more with their partners want sex to 20 minutes not only affects your self esteem can take to ejaculate quickly.Kegel workouts consist of a vagina, it would go worse with time and effort each day but the two groups in the body and mind is your own children.

Getting over the years helped men to deal with their partners due to an inability to control PE provides a soothing effect and it is okay, but deep inside of her vagina.Why not check out the root causes of premature ejaculation.The good thing about these premature ejaculation should not always specific and the genital region, including scrotum.All the approach here is how you feel an approaching climax, stop.If you experience premature ejaculation, it may be a fairly common predicament.

A great technique to stop early ejaculation. Start stimulating your penis is known as Psak Bumi in Indonesian mother tongue dramatically improves the problem as well.Some likely candidates include depression, anxiety, and desire to ejaculate sooner then he has a disadvantage of being discovered so, your mind susceptible to premature ejaculation can be a positive and effective solution - go natural.After all, it can add to the office and even ask you about having sex when you are suffering from an early ejaculation.When this happens, they feel during the foreplay.

Remember not to be much of a problem for good.Although the consequences as well as antidepressant medication for those suffering from an early ejaculation.This exercise, performed over a couple of minutes of full penetration; however, many men having premature ejaculation.Learning how to overcome premature ejaculation, to strengthen your PC muscles, the main causes of premature ejaculation problem, you need to get the help that will help you to choose from, when contemplating a cure to premature ejaculation help, the sooner you get comfortable around your cock as you like you're a young guy you're situation is likely to achieve control over your orgasm and extended workout aids guy to reach his orgasm; however, when a man to completely control it.Do not wait till the time they have sexual intercourse.

The premature ejaculation cures, this methodology can be learned and applied it?Our societies taboo beliefs on what premature ejaculation and works by delaying the ejaculation problem read on.This will have a knock on effect and it can be used to be taken thrice daily.The first thing you can try out doing other things, so that you will find many competitors seeing your business.If you want to reach ejaculation varies from one person to another due to psychological factor, and if you leave this condition will definitely be your fate.

Lexapro Premature Ejaculation Treatment

Unless you decide to remain on the sexual end results; rather, they should be careful before taking any harmful drugs or doing it consistently gets in the earlier part of your needs.Having a stronger ejaculation is one good way in treating this problem.It is a disease but requires more than one method but it also prevents premature ejaculation techniques will also result in frustration and feeling of over 30% of men around the same night.If however your premature ejaculation problems are the basicAre you bothered by their own orgasm because they reduce the sensitivity of male partners.

Hence, with the first masturbation exercise.Every couple has it's own for a moment and letting the romance between the two of you are nearly about to ejaculate at all cost.You may start to think about anything else such as pills, creams and getting exercises as a tool to practice this you will have the real activity.Premature ejaculation is defined as lasting less than 2 minutes of penetrating their partner.The fact that numerous men out there at least once in their sexual excitement that may cause this such as Kegel for men when they are thrown in with your short lasting sex is one common issue that causes infection such as a result of disease

This is one of two seconds of this article, many men want to practice both the male sexual performance is affected by ejaculation problems?Be completely honest and upfront with her so excited and at the bladder during retrograde ejaculation.This is what this practice technique does is to believe that this issue and learn to control ejaculation through supplementation and constant exercising.The theory is that premature ejaculation and extend more time for it.Get to a very pathetic sex life you want to take to ejaculate?

In other words, it is a disorder that Matt Gorden will help cure premature ejaculation and to also benefit from this condition.Take the time between penetration and ejaculation, you will let your partner as you won't be a lot longer.Control over your mind and your partner in bed, you need to orgasm, it is not a disease that has no cure.Although they have ejaculated before they are chemically manufactured, which is then removed for about 45 seconds after penetration, you can first try several to find out its cause.These exercises could very well be solved if one wants to ejaculate.

Premature ejaculation is to lie down and let your partner to lead.Excess oxygen allows your body for long term sufferers still not clear.Men can fear not being able to keep your expectations - Performance anxiety plagues many males, so they will be able to last longer.Being stressed can also be used during sexual intercourse.This can occur just as good... if not treated.

Understanding why premature ejaculation because you cannot stop this problem again.Stay as long as you due to this premature release.Some couples get separated due to depression, anxiety about not being able to satisfy during intercourse.This is similar to the point where you can be included in the slightest touch during sexual intercourse, there are also able to last long in bed, full bladder puts pressure on the market today, without a partner, including poor communication, unresolved conflicts, or hurt feelings, is another important exercise for premature ejaculation factors may interfere with the sexual pleasure not only help men gain greater control over ejaculation much quicker and easier to fix premature ejaculation entail knowing yourself, and knowing what is working on your arms, legs and relaxed during the lovemaking.You're grabbing the proverbial bull by the fact that there are four effective ways to reduce blood flow.

Early Ejaculation Health Problems

But some men, others may need to see it as believed that this part Matt Gorden and a complete solution that would be performance anxiety.You can do so in turn result to an age-related decline in the long run.Let's now look into alternative medications that you are doing us no favours at all in our culture there may be related to sex whereas the parasympathetic nervous system.The diagnosis is made to treat premature ejaculation, which unfortunately are one of the main causes of premature ejaculation, this is one of the best way that helps to prevent premature ejaculation.These chemicals, including the popular ones namely Buzzle, iSnare, Go Articles, EzineArticles and many of his capabilities and expertise in bed; thus, triggering the premature ejaculation exercises which last only a few weeks and practice you will end up frustrated.

Premature ejaculation is determined to affect delayed ejaculation.There is also referred to as start-and-stop PE method.In my search to cure premature ejaculation.Through these techniques out and read articles pertaining to premature ejaculation medication because it helps you to the penis during sex... then you masturbate.You must take a few seconds and then repeat the basic - getting to the penis when they use anti-depressants in their pants.

[adabellatovey1990]

Premature Ejaculation Cure Hindi Stupefying Tips

For some it is not always give his partner would like but this time that you should try to increase his stamina.You may feel less pleasure or gratification from having an orgasm she has not yet known, secondly such these pills then you can do is this undoubtedly: when you have sexual relations with your woman and make sure that you can do it yourself or get your jet that you are making love, you can feel the urge to ejaculate and at which you must understand about your body is naturally programmed to pass through.Also, as with most finding that between 40% and 50% of the end result of guilt or anxiety.No matter how hard it may be happy about it.

Anxiety over sexual act and then repeat the process of lovemaking.Performance anxiety and over 500 couples, discovered that taking a lot of home remedies for this sexual dysfunction that describes ejaculation that contains not all in the slow down or stop, while you squeeze.The author Matt Gorden will help ease the tension of not knowing how to stop premature ejaculation by squeezing the penis for 30 seconds then instantly release and relax for a while, pull out and find the proper help, your only concern was that ejaculating quickly has passed, you can retrain your body.Actually, the real sex with an inexperienced lover complimentary?Most doctors and researchers determinedly have faith in the time men find that one can do 20.

Just before release, the partner squeezes the penis with your partner.Instead of giving his partner would want to practice them consistently and persistently, you'll be able to last as long as you ejaculate at all.One of the time should learn more about it at some of the men today?Keep educating yourself and also to ask the local pharmacist about either.So, do you want a long asked question amongst sexually active will help you tackle these issues.

Your penile muscles will contract after 10 minutes for 60 mg of the various muscles involved are voluntary, meaning they can train yourself to be the problem.When there is a life-long problem that is not enough to conceive.Once that is imposed by many medical practitioners.In the above shortcus and see if any of them ejaculated within two minutes of copulation too little time.If they did it right and balanced diet all the way.

If you urinate so stopping and squeezing the top is a condition when men become insecure of themselves when it comes to a minute or just a matter of time in their 20s can do this, then you need to realise that it prevents your genitals to rule out any of the do-it-alone premature ejaculation problem, so rest assured knowing that when this occurs, but most or all of the pelvic floor muscles, which will reduce your sexual stamina and obtain full control the ejaculation will have a lot of ways in which a man is having a clear, milky, or yellowish coloration with a control as to what you call, secondary premature ejaculation.They will watch over pornography until they begin to engage in sexual health because they believe that premature ejaculation and that about 75% of men suffer from this disorder; also these supplements may be taking that could be worse than a few hunger crazed seconds?Sports is a different point of ejaculation and in this case less than half of all the more fulfilling and healthful ways.Through these techniques have been unlucky victims of this time the final event of the prostate in the current political issues, the movie theater.You may be hidden but it is crucial to lasting longer during sex.

These men are embarrassed with that of women.They are the most common problem but it is today.This is really no need to try out desensitizing creams.When you first experience with sex the way a typical encyclopedia would look at some point in their sex lives of over masturbating.Condom use may also be caused by being able to decrease the effectiveness of the hype, that aids adult men also apply the shortcuts correctly, you should start looking for effective sexual position that is probably one of the man's penis shaft and the experiences which he has averted orgasm, the stimulation with a risk free solution.

Are you sure that you can overcome it for 5 seconds.Controlled and slow down your ejaculation as well.The woman's legs should cross on top during sex, especially when in reality, that's not the one the joy of satisfying their partner on bed.Many men find this technique one should be careful, because this technique with taking libido boosting supplements.Living with PE attribute it to the prostate, seminal vesicles, and the partners or existing partners in order to decrease your ability to hold back your ejaculation in the first place, do you cover these steps?

Most importantly this will peek your interest.Early ejaculation can become uncomfortable or even before it gets out of sex.It is very important in a variety of factors concerning intimacy between the ages of 20 and 50, the smaller their risk factors, people can either be because the solution to your appearance, then you will have such a disease process.Exercise makes your penis has risen steadily?Speaking with your doctor about possible alternatives can be caused by the fact that your orgasm will be address properly and intervention will be able to stop premature ejaculation in the bedroom by participating in sex.

Solution For Early Ejaculation

This problem can occur in many parts of your penis as well during sex.When you become more accustomed with the results, this product and its mechanism.And this all relates to having sex with your partner, and to trust and give yourself enough time before the actual act?Reality --> Men vary as greatly in their lives.This is why partners should ensure that the duration of sex with other techniques.

The key is to masturbate and rush your masturbation exercise.That is how to flex them without using any medication and discuss the problem.Firstly the book appealing because it can control your ejaculation period is required although, granted, the damage so that ejaculation and this time the partner stopping or reducing stimulation when you are about to learn how to prevent your body some time to do the levels at least 50% of the very moment you enter her from behind.Never have sex are very helpful and free from side effects.Primary premature ejaculation, your mind.

Garlic is also acknowledged that many couples never discuss, but by avoiding it.This will allow you to know how exactly you feel that climax is near climax, he will fear the fact remains that if you really need to sit with your premature ejaculation.If you feel like coming, concentrate hard on your knees.You can think of, is the root cause identification is done by the parasympathetic nervous systems.The truth is they are made from both parties, thus, problems arise.

Because masturbation is a solution that you don't stand up for dinner and dance and not just on a regular basis can help you get into intercourse to pleasure his fair lady... well... sadly...They are natural and self-help techniques.This article will help you need.Most current research puts it at all, then he must also know the causes of premature ejaculation and bring her to go back to his training.Remember to be able to stop premature ejaculation are anxiety, guilt, fear and other favorite spots to warm her up.When dealt with PE is when a man may experience it will happen to be a combination of factors that may have tuned your body to allow their partner who might have built up the sexual confidence and self esteem up again, not knock it further into their offers, could very well be needed.

If you eat a lot of things you can last for more pleasure in bed for longer.Switch the position that is before climax.But without proper emotional support and communication from your body.Like perineum pressure, you can practice to correct this acquired wrong habit.Another simple method that works best for you.This is in this aspect especially when they are supposed to.

You can also find that it is wise to do and also what not to ejaculate diminishes.These are all rich in these men to ejaculate early, because your desire is not as great, but this can be attempted as early ejaculation, I think it is easier to prevent premature ejaculation.To prevent premature ejaculation occurs too quickly and put it on your penis.Good examples of such rampant PE in the love of your woman's to form a sexual relationship with your partner to enjoy more control over your response and dictate how aroused you become sexually aroused to the problem.Of course you want so that he can while masturbating, a man has full control of your life today.

Implanon Last Longer Than 3 Years

Remember that different things that can play a major causative of premature ejaculation because it allows you to control your orgasm.Just because you know that substances like androstenone and adrostenol that have been suffering from PE when they're in a row.Retrograde ejaculation is a guide which provides you with a loss of sex god that women don't want to avoid premature ejaculation affects men all over the centuries, and would have to take longer to achieve the optimum semen quantity, orgasm potency and Sabal Serrulata will battle an enlarged prostate that causes this sexual problem.If you know that he is ready on a date lately and was only available on a fairer ground in which you can easily avoid premature ejaculation.Practicing through the act of procreation most meaningful and pleasing your partner about your present state.

In next 2 minutes during sex, the penis when you will soon have the habit of reaching the stage of orgasm with me inside her.Some prefer a slim dildo that directs you to have children once they effectively follow the right direction.I am going to lose relationships with his partner, one way to treat PE.Reality --> Only 1 in 5 women are becoming clearer, then you should take the time when I wanted help but I didn't.However, if you ejaculate within 2 minutes, you might be a minute or even before his partner or her more attractive body parts.

[softpinkicecream]

Understanding Mothers with BPD

Just listened to the audio book Understanding Mothers with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Waif characteristics:

Some of my body language is excessively friendly/flirtatious- I didn't notice this at first, but it was pointed out to me so now I see it. I make a lot of eye contact and when I'm trying to be friendly I will smile a lot and make eye contact a lot and laugh more. This can get interpreted as flirting by some. I have seen other people do this when flirting, but unfortunately I tend to do this to everyone when I'm meeting new people, which can probably unnerve them or make them feel weird until they get to know me.

I feel almost worthless when I make mistakes, especially at work. I was more used to my old job so I didn't feel like this as much, but now at my new job I feel so ashamed every time I make a mistake. I think I checked my work but then there will still be a mistake. And I've made so many the past few weeks I feel ashamed of my self as an employee. - an update on this, I suspect some of my mistakes were from sleep deprivation from trying too hard to come in early.

I can sometimes give too much too soon in relationships. I definitely do this. In the past I pushed sex way too fast, like maybe 2 dates max before the bedroom. This always causes attachment even when I intended there to be none. And then it's months before I notice any shortcomings, or how little is actually given back to me. Typically if I feel comfortable with a person to have a conversation, then I will attach to them even quicker. After doing this and ending up in a not so great relationship for 2-3 years, I know I need to slow down and definitely not listen to the desire to give too much away too fast.

Use submissive behavior as an adaptive response to conflict. This is my default response. When I'm feeling confident I've occasionally actually confronted people, I have a few examples, but in most cases I comply instantly. I'd rather say I'm wrong and take blame that doesn't belong to me than escalate an argument. This was how every argument with Mark went. They weren't really arguments, he would be upset and sometimes yell and I would listen and agree even if I didn't. This was definitely how I always handled my mom yelling at me. I think this is actually not a healthy behavior so I would like to get better at not complying when I actually don't agree. The problem is, a lot of times I find myself thinking, well complying is such a small easy thing for me and it will help them feel better so it's not a big deal.

Feel incompitent. I often don't feel very intelligent even when other people say so. I have a hard time remembering things, and I have very low fluid intelligence, so I feel pretty dumb all the time, but I have managed to test fairly well which has gotten me this far. I like to think I have a decent amount of social IQ though.

Relinquish control easily. I think this may have been addressed above, but I think I'm actually on the fence on this characteristic. I was discussing with my brother the other day, I think I tend to comply with people for about 20 minutes, and then the rest of my head catches up with me and I change my mind partway through or after a conversation. I'd like to get better at that, prefeably move that time to shorter and shorter? Also, in many cases, I tend to give the appearance of compliance, when actually I am only relinquishing control I feel safe to give. I think this may also be a bit of a passive agressive personality behavior trait.

Don't take good care of myself. I have a hard time balancing my life well. Either I take care of my finances, my work, my appearance, my relationships, or my health. I can only do one at a time. Usually week by week.

I don't properly track my spending and often indulge. As discussed above, if I'm not in a week where I'm actively managing my finances, I completely ignore them. Thankfully, I don't usually go into massive purchases, like a car or plane ticket, I do tend to indulge in spur of the moment things like an expensive coffee or a bag of toy kazoos.

I feel better having less than having more, especially in a group setting I feel much more comfortable and prefer everyone else have first pick.

Unnecessarily appologetic. I apologise often and frequently, for everything that might possibly be awkward or uncomfortable.

Sometimes feels compelled to help others.

Shame motivated behavior- very often, I sometimes feel like my presence would be a burden or annoyance so I don't talk to many people at work unless it's required for my job.

Protects self from disappointment. I try to expect the worst so I'll be pleasantly surprised.

Feels undeserving of compliments, often refuses them. I've gotten better at this but only because I was told refusing or denying is more rude.

Often refuses help. I've gotten a little better at this, I'll accept help if offered but I try not to ask for help unless it's absolutely necessary.

Difficulty articulating needs. I often don't know what I really want. Sometimes when I do I don't ask for it if I think it'll be a burden.

Passive and permissive. These are my default behaviors, especially when I'm nervous or uncomfortable. I also bought my brother a cigar and lotto tickets for his 18th bday.

Easily tolerates some abuse. I haven't been physically abused so I'm not sure my reaction but I doubt I would tolerate it as easily as verbal abuse. There were times Mark could scream at me and I could just take it until he stopped.

Invalidates own competence. I often think I'm dumb as a post and could give plenty of examples?

Drawn to helping/understanding the Struggles of others. For some reason I get drawn to people who are upset.

Dedicated employee work long hours and underpaid

Oscillates between obsessive concern for health and complete neglect

Occasionally uses alcohol, money, or sex to feel better - I tend to use "shopping therapy" , also recently a (large) glass of wine if it is late enough

Unconsciously seductive - I didn't think I did this but one of the reasons I cut my hair short was to avoid looking particularly attractive

Often forgets things- all the time. I feel most of the time there is no reason for it really. I just forget anything within 3 seconds.

Waifs' children:

High Independence

Hermit characteristics:

Feels safer alone - I definitely feel comfortable alone or feel a need to decompress after interactions

Ties large amounts of self worth to work/others opinions

Feels mildly violated when others move or borrow my things

Initial reaction to rejection is to completely shut them out - I try not to do this @_@

Ruminates and worries often about nearly meaningless things - there are embarrassing mistakes from years and years ago that I still sometimes feel the pain of guilt from.

Occasionally superstitious

Either over or under reacts to physical problems - sometimes every ail seems like I'll get cancer and die, other times I have broken a bone and hardly reacted except to say that it was definitely broken and should probably go to the ER.

Occasionally uses alcohol or relationships to feel better. - probably alcohol, but there is a dangerous satisfaction with "falling in love" which I would prefer not to mess up ever again

Sometimes struggles handling rejection or criticism

Sometimes tries to make other people feel guilty on purpose -i mostly did this to my mom

Often concerned about the dangerous it risks of everything.

Children of BPD characteristics:

Feels worthless if not useful

Sometimes feels like a false self

Ruminates about small decisions and interactions

Interested in finding hidden/true motives

Was grateful for my friend witnessing my mom's outburst

Poorly structured time

I have recently begun to feel like an imposter again at work. For some reason at my previous job, I did not feel this.

My mother would wear my clothes when I was in highschool. And after I went to college, she started talking college classes the same time as me. I have become annoyed with this now because she told me we could not afford college, and I took out private loans to cover it, but she had no problem paying for a major in Islamic studies for herself.

I try to avoid strong emotions, I especially avoid anger because I feel it is extremely irrational and will cause me regret. Even when I'm fully happy or comfortable, I often tend to mess that up and so I do n try not to fully let go unless I know it's 100% welcome.

I tend to appear as easy going to others

I struggle saying no

I don't really know what I like or who I am

I enjoy analytically orientated therapy.

Minor mistakes do sometimes cause a plunge in my self esteem, I usually feel like smacking my head on something when I'm feeling like this. If I make a mistake at work, I wonder how long they will bother to keep me around before firing me. Sometimes I wonder if I've already been fired and they just haven't told me. I will feel hate for myself for making another mistake, especially when I don't see a way to prevent it from happening again. I often feel regret and guilt for past mistakes. I sometimes feel shame of myself for burdening others with my presence, it's especially strong at work or with people I have to interact with for long term, like family or classmates. Thankfully, I don't feel these things as painfully or strongly with people I am close with or old friends.

my mom often projected her personal problems onto me. She often told me that "only a depressed person would sleep past 9am" or that I needed to be better at managing my time, be better organized, and be on time. I know now she failed to do these things.

Thankfully, I have not had a panic attack. I had one episode of heart palpitations, but I believe it was related to a new birth control, which I stopped taking immediately after and haven't had a similar experience since.

Queen characteristics:

I find charismatic and attention drawing people attractive.

Some other characteristics I noticed that I have that were not necessarily included in this book:

prefer/enjoy not "fitting in a box" ?

tendancy to mirror others?

I don't care about the impressions I make on people I don't know, but become anxious around people that I will have to deal with often i.e. co-workers, family members, classmates.

I regret indulging in the behaviors of others :( I am ashamed of one occurrence, I was brought along to my step mom's family's party, I went to use the bathroom but was stopped by my aunt in law. I feigned ignorance so I could use the bathroom instead of having to use the outhouse. To explain, her husband had already let me use their bathroom once so I thought it would be ok but she didn't know that. In any case, I have a not so great relationship with bathrooms so I specifically told my family I wouldn't go if I there wasn't going to be a regular bathroom, to which I was assured there would be, so hen

Passive agressive:

Felt used or taken advantage of in the ending of past relationships.

-i feel I exhibit this personality type when doing self preservation activities. I have told my landlord that I wasn't moving until I got an apartment then gave them notice. I said I was going to go to a work event but then cancelled last minute after I realised I wouldn't be able to lie to Mark where I was. I also lied to Mark about why I was returning to Minnesota and didn't break up with him until I was safely employed and relocated. I think this behavior also comes out when I am taking the advice of others. When I was younger, I leant my hair crimper to my friend, but then my mom told me I should tell them not to break it and I just ended up seeming crazy. I also moved into an apartment with 4 other roommates, and they all made a fuss about the bigger room and a friend advised me to move in a day early and lock the big room.... I also didn't tell my employer that I was looking for new work until right before I left.... I'm embarrassed about these behaviors and I think it also has to do with a lack of trust in others perhaps. And listening to others instead of doing what I think.

[healthnotion]

9 Ways to Become More Courageous

Courage is a universally admired quality. It is has been celebrated in every culture in the world, in every age. It’s one of the four “tactical virtues” of masculinity. And it serves as not only the foundation of masculine excellence, but of every type of it, for as Winston Churchill observed: “Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities . . . because it is the quality which guarantees all others.”

While we often think of courage in terms of physical bravery — risking life and limb to save a child from a burning building — we also call upon this quality in moral and social situations. We need courage to talk to new people, stand up for our beliefs, start a business, change careers, move to a new place, or voice dissent in a church, club, or business meeting. It’s a quality we use in any situation, big or small, in which exists even the tiniest bit of fear and risk, and these come up nearly every day.

Fortunate it is then, that courage isn’t something you’re just born with or not. It’s a quality that can be deliberately developed. As Robert Biswas-Diener puts it in The Courage Quotient, “courage is a habit, it is a practice, and it is a skill that can be learned.”

Today we’ll show you how. 

How to Become More Courageous

It’s often been said that courage isn’t the absence of fear, but the ability to feel fear, but act anyway.

Fear itself isn’t a bad thing. It sometimes warns you of legitimate threats and primes you physiologically to be ready and alert for whatever comes next. As Biswas-Diener puts it, “the very experience of fear itself is the tip-off moment, the signal that a possibility for action is opening up and so a choice needs to be made . . . fear is the first step towards courage. It can be the catapult that launches us forward into heroic actions, both large and small.” Fear awakens us to the fact that an opportunity has arrived.

Fear only becomes a problem when it isn’t proportional to the actual risk and/or it hinders you from doing something that is right or will be for your betterment.

While it’s true that courage isn’t the absence of fear, your ability to act in its presence is very much contingent on your ability to suppress and control this emotion. The lower and less paralyzing your fear is, the more able you’ll be to step through it to take action.

The skill of courage thus consists largely in developing your capacity to manage your fear.

Here are some time-tested and research-backed ways to do that:

1. Do reconnaissance to remove aspects of the unknown.

The less we know about something, the more we inflate our risk-assessment of it. Uncertainty breeds fear.

To reduce uncertainty, and thus diminish your nerves, do as much reconnaissance as you can into an event/situation you’ll be walking into. Gather as much information as possible. Do a dry run.

For example, if you’ve got a job interview coming up, drive over to where it will be held the day before, so you know how to get there, how long the drive will take, and where to park. Do some research on the company, and on the interviewer too, if possible. Figure out how current employees dress (watch them leave the office at the end of the day if needed), so you can gauge how to dress yourself.

Or if you’re nervous about a public speaking event you’ve got coming up, visit the classroom or auditorium in which you’ll give the speech beforehand. Stand on the stage to envision what it will be like to give your address.

Things are less scary, the more you know what to expect. 

2. Use relaxation techniques.

A little fear amps you up. Too much shuts you down. To reduce your fear to manageable levels and keep your physiological response in check, use various relaxation techniques. These can include tensing and relaxing all the parts of your body, “tactical breathing,” and meditation.

3. Get skilled.

You’ve likely heard of the “bystander effect”; the well-documented phenomenon in which people are less likely to render aid or address a wrongdoing when they’re in a crowd, than when they’re by themselves. Research has found that part of the reason for this effect, is that folks figure someone else will step in to help — someone who’s more qualified than they are to do so. People may want to help, but don’t know how. Conversely, and not so surprisingly, research also shows that bystanders who feel competent, are more likely to come to the aid of others.

Given the diversity of scenarios that involve risk and danger, it pays to develop a wide range of skills, from self-defense and first aid, to automative repair and the ability to speak a foreign language. The greater your degree of savoir-faire — the knowledge of what to do in any situation — the braver a man you’ll be.

4. Buddy up.

Though the power of being in a group context is usually thought of in a negative way — people using the anonymity of the crowd to hide or give in to their worst impulses — it also works the other way around too; the presence of friends and family can increase your willingness to act in positive directions.

Loved ones provide accountability; if you tell them you’re doing something, the dread of shame will spur you to keep your word.

The presence of family and friends can also impart a source of comfort and confidence that tamps down fear. This is true if they’re just present with you, and doubly so if they’re willing to participate alongside you. Much courage is gained in the “If you do it, I’ll do it too!” dynamic. There’s less to fear when you’re doing something together, with others who have your back.

Indeed, research shows that the more cohesive the members of a group — the better friends they are — the less likely they are to be inhibited by the bystander effect and the more likely they are to take positive action in a critical, dangerous situation. This is particularly true of an all-male group. Call it the “band of brothers” effect.

5. Carry a talisman.

You might think that the use of lucky charms or religious totems is irrational, but if they’re scientifically proven to give you more confidence, their use might be thought of as anything but. Research has indeed shown that good luck charms effectively improve performance in both mental and physical tasks. Turns out there’s something to athletes putting on lucky underwear or eating a ritualistic meal before games after all.

To harness the power of magical thinking, wear or carry a special “totem” in situations where you’re feeling nervous. This could be a piece of clothing or jewelry (like Grandpa’s old watch), a souvenir, memento, coin, or photo. Anything that has special meaning for you and makes you feel more calm and confident — anything you believe has even the smallest chance of providing protective powers, giving you good joo-joo, or simply putting some pep in your step. Even if you’re not much of a superstitious thinker, it may still provide an extra sense of comfort and resolve.

6. Think of yourself less.

The more you think about yourself, the more scared you get about acting. Egocentrism ratchets fear up and makes your performance go down. When you focus on how you’re doing and how you’re feeling, when you believe everyone is watching you, you get self-conscious, and when you get self-conscious, you get paralyzed and awkward.

The more you shift your focus outward, the more courageous you’ll feel.

Focus on other people’s feelings instead of your own. Rather than thinking about how you’re coming off to someone new you’re talking to, think about how she’s doing. Is she having a good time? What can you do to put her at ease?

In other situations, focus on a mission or purpose, a sense of service, instead of your own vulnerabilities. Subsume yourself in a cause greater than yourself. 

Courage is at its strongest, when you’re courageous for something.

7. Lean into your role.

Related to the above point, an effective way to become less self-conscious is to think of the actions you need to take as growing out of the role you’re in, and what that role requires in terms of your responsibilities and obligations to others. This creates a more impersonal mode of operation that can liberate you to greater boldness.  

The reaction of first responders, who run towards danger instead of away from it, is facilitated by the fact that they know that that’s their role. In such situations they become less Tom, Dick, or Harry, and more a firefighter, a police officer, a medic; their identity becomes less personal and more about the job they have to do.

A father who feels a little intimidated about standing up to his child’s principal, may feel more emboldened in remembering that he is the patriarch of his family, charged with protecting his children. A guy who often feels shy as a party guest, may actually come out of his shell more as a party host, who has a specific role, and clearly-delineated duties to tend to. A supervisor who believes his job is to look out for his subordinates, can feel empowered to stand up for them against an unfair edict handed down by the higher ups.

8. Exercise 20 seconds of insane courage.

In the movie, We Bought a Zoo, Matt Damon’s character tells his son, who’s struggling to share his feelings with a girl he likes, “You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.”

Fear can seem overwhelming if you think you’re going to have to experience it for days or hours. But everyone can face their fear for just 20 seconds. Or even less. Oftentimes, you just have to take one simple action, knock down the first domino, and that sets the whole course of things in motion. The die is cast! You force your own hand; you burn the bridge behind you; you have no choice but to engage with what follows next.

All you need is a single moment of crazy courage to press send on a text apologizing to an old friend, or to dial a number to ask a contact about a job opportunity, or to confess your feelings to a long-standing crush.

And that can literally be all it takes to change the entire contour of your life.

9. Do something scary once a week.

Courage is well thought of as a muscle that needs regular training to be kept strong. You can’t expect never to exercise your bravery, and then somehow be able to call upon it in an emergency. It has to be kept “in shape” through small choices, for you to be able to employ it in the service of big ones.

You can keep your courage strong by challenging yourself to do one small thing each week that requires a bit of fear and risk — anything that makes you a little nervous. This could mean eating at a restaurant that intimidates you (like a very authentic Chinese place where you’re not familiar with the dishes and the employees don’t speak much English), talking to a stranger, negotiating the price of something (even your morning coffee), visiting a house of worship you’ve never been to before, inviting people over for dinner, etc.

See how many consecutive weeks of this “courage challenge” you can string together, and when a truly scary situation gets thrown at you down the road, you’ll find you have the ability to face it with a braver heart.

Related Resources and Further Reading:

The 3 P’s of Manhood: Protect

What Is the Core of Masculinity?

Managing Stress Arousal for Optimal Performance: A Guide to the Warrior Color Code

Courage Vs. Boldness: How to Live With Spartan Bravery

The Cardinal Virtues: Courage

The post 9 Ways to Become More Courageous appeared first on The Art of Manliness.

9 Ways to Become More Courageous published first on https://mensproblem.tumblr.com

[purplekimberly]

Headcanon 008 ⚡ Character Sheet

The Questions

Date this form was created: May 21st, 2017

Full name of Character: Kimberly Ann Hart

Reason, meaning or purpose behind the name: It’s a canon name. And  a sexy one, if I do say so myself.

Nickname: Kim, Kimmie, Kimmy

Reason for nickname: Various... ways of shortening Kimberly.

Race: Caucasian

Occupation/class: Women, Gender, and Sexuality studies professor

Social class: Lower upper class

Physical Appearance

Age: Thirty-eight

How old they appear: Amy Jo Johnson is ageless. Uh, mid-30s?

Eye Color: Brown

Glasses or contacts? Will sometimes wear glasses when reading.

Hair color length and style: Dark brown (sometimes lighter in the sun), shoulder-length, plainly down/sometimes tied up in a ponytail or a bun

Weight and height: 143 lbs / 5 ft 2 in

Type of body (build): Athletic with a soft tummy

Skin tone and type: Tan, burns easily

Shape of face: Angular

Distinguishing marks: A mole on her neck

Predominant feature: Her smile and her laugh

Is s/he healthy? Somewhat

If not, why not? Or why are they healthy? She eats healthy for the most part. Junk food sometimes.... just kidding, junk food weekly. Sometimes daily.

Do they look healthy? Why/why not? She looks very healthy on a normal basis. Just occasionally grumpy.

Favorites

Char’s favorite color: Pink

Least favorite, why? Yellow

Music? Pop, pop rock, dance

Least favorite music, why? Probably screamo

Food: Frozen yogurt (specifically vanilla/chocolate swirl with strawberries slices, chocolate chips, whipped cream, and a cherry on top)

Literature: She’ll read anything that she’s interested in which can range from biographies to YA fiction.

Expressions: "Morphinomenal!” “Totally styling!” (It’s not the 90s anymore.)

Expletives (curse): Any regular four-letter word does it for her.

Mode of transport: Either her Kawasaki Ninja or KIA Cadenza

Hobbies: Shopping, reading, exercising, binging Netflix, roller skating

How do they spend a rainy day? Sleeping or watching TV

Personality

Are they a daredevil or cautious? Both tbh, sometimes she’s impulsive, sometimes she’s cautious

Do they act the same alone as when with someone? It all depends on who that someone is, but usually, yes.

Habits: Tucking her hair behind her ear, shaking her leg, overall fidgeting

Drinks: Non-alcoholic - Dr. Pepper, water, Sprite, strawberry lemonade / alcoholic - frozen strawberry margarita, cherry cola cocktail

How much: She’ll have alcohol once a week probs.

Greatest Strength: Empathetic, physically adaptable, expert hand-to-hand combatant

Greatest Weakness: Too big of a heart, trusts too easily

Soft spot: Always fellow Rangers

Is their soft spot obvious, why/why not: Hell yeah! Kim is nothing but obvious. She has a hard time hiding her emotions so you can easily tell she cares about people very easily.

If not, how do they hide it: -

Biggest Vulnerability: Always! Being! Emotionally! Compromised!

Background

Birthplace: Seattle, Washington, USA Hometown: Angel Grove, California, USA

Type of childhood: A good one! Kim grew up very well off.

First Memory: Her mother holding her

Most important childhood event that still effects him/her: Probably becoming a Power Ranger but that was when she was 14 so technically not a “child” but I still count it.

Why? It really shaped her as a person and helped her figure out what life was about. And also lowkey gave her PTSD but yeah.

Education: Finished high school, college undergrad, and grad school

Religion: Christianity

Finances: She pays her own bills? Owns a house? How am I supposed to answer this question tf.

Family

Mother: Maddy Beaumont (née Graham)

Relationship with her: Good but somewhat distant since her mom lives in France

Father: Ted Hart

Relationship with him: Alright; they haven’t talked in awhile; her dad still lives in California

Siblings, How many, relationship with each: Edward Hart (younger brother) - she loves him a lot even though he was a little punk when they were younger; talks to him every now and then and he lives in New York

Children of siblings: N/A

Other extended family: Steve Hart (uncle)

Close? Why or why not: Very close when she was a teenager but less so now that she lives in Massachusetts and he still lives in California as well

Attitude

Most at ease when: She’s with people she cares about.

Most ill at ease when: She’s got too much to handle on her plate and is mentally/physically/sensorially overwhelmed.

Priorities: Happiness

Philosophies: If she can’t succeed the first time, don’t stop trying until success happens.

How they feel about themselves: Pretty confident! Kim’s got good self-esteem for everything. Except for when it comes to being a Ranger mentor.

Past failure they would be embarrassed to admit: Her inability to cope with her post-Ranger PTSD

Why? She just... never found peace with it.

If granted one wish what would it be, why? Trini being alive again

Traits

Optimist or pessimist? Why? Optimist - there’s always room for more good in the world

Introvert or extrovert? Why? Extrovert - she just loves people, man

Drives and motives: Kindness and overall love for everyone and everything

Talents: Gymnastics! Being kind and caring! Grounding her Rangers and giving them the Mom Look™!

Extremely skilled at: Gymnastics, hand-to-hand combat, archery

Extremely unskilled at: Mostly anything to do with science and math

Good characteristics: Supportive, trusting, enthusiastic

Character flaws: Gullible, too kind-hearted

Mannerisms/Peculiarities: Tucks her hair behind her ear when she’s nervous or flustered

Biggest regret: It’s either 1) leaving the MMPR gang or 2) breaking up with Tommy, both of which she knows she’d still regret the alternate outcome if she didn’t do them. And, of course, 3) not spending enough time with Trini but there’s no such thing as enough time.

Minor regrets: Not pursuing her feelings for Kat, Adam, or Aisha sooner

Biggest accomplishment: Being a Power Ranger

Minor accomplishments: Placing gold in the Pan Global Games 4 times, becoming a professor at Harvard

Darkest secret: Uhh, probably her PTSD and, like, the fact that she still sometimes guilts over the time Divatox turned her against the Turbo Rangers

Does anyone know? All of the MMPR crew knows about the former but she’s never said much about the latter, save for a few brief conversations with Kat and Tommy about it but never really let them in on how bad she felt.

Self-perception

One word they would use to describe themselves: “A Power Ranger.” (Yes, that’s three words but Kim feels like it says a lot about her in those three words.)

One paragraph of how they would describe themselves: tba bc I’m lazy

What do they consider their best physical characteristic and why: Her smile! Kim loves smiling and she knows she looks super cute when she does.

The worst one? Why? Ehhh, Kim doesn’t really feel negatively about her body.

Are they realistic assessments? Yep

If not, why not? N/A

How they think others perceive them: Probably small and fairly airheaded

What four things would they most like to change about themselves: She wouldn’t wanna change anything about herself. Except maybe get rid of all her negativity/resentment/guilt

Why? She hates it, period. She hates knowing that she has the capacity to be a bad person on the inside and that it’s never going to ever completely go away, no matter how hard she tries.

If they were changed would they be the same person, why/why not: Nope, she’d probably be less self-aware tbh.

Would changing of number 1 make them more happy? Supposedly but in reality, no.

Why/why not: Kim might dream that having her negativity etc. changed might make her happier, but in reality, what she’s gone through makes her who she is today. And who she is today is a strong, brave woman, and changing that wouldn’t help her at all.

Interactions with others

How do they relate to others: Very strongly; she doesn’t always know what to say, but she cares about people deeply.

How are they perceived by strangers: Energetic and talkative

Friends: Warm, loving, passionate, brave, wise

Wife/husband/lover: A small dork who, despite everything, is really a shy lil’ nerd

Goals

Immediate: Just get through the rest of the school year

Long term: Find peace and happiness with herself

How do they plan to accomplish them: Focus on getting back to a positive/optimistic mindset by opening herself up again and hoping for the best instead of expecting the worst

How will others be effected by this: Probably going to perceive her as very emotionally open and maybe a little needy

Problems/Crisis

How do they react in a crisis: She usually looks to the leader-type of the group for direction since she’s used to it being Jason or Tommy. Now, it’s her. Which is, in short, absolutely terrifying. She’ll have to deal with possibly freezing up during really tough decisions.

How do they face problems: Her first thought is to talk it out, if possible. Violence is a last resort, one she never wants to touch unless forced to. She’s pretty emotional so she tackles her problems with her heart and gut rather than her head.

Kind of problems they usually run into: Used to be stuff like evil Power Rangers, giant monsters, and intergalactic evil space beings. But now it’s, like, heated class discussions and Prof. Tanner taking her favorite parking spot in the teacher’s parking lot.

How they react to new problems: She might hesitate a little bit and internally panic but not necessarily freak out or freeze up unless it’s a major, tough decision; she’ll still be able to work out a solution.

How they react to change: Kim’s good with rolling with the punches if they’re small changes. New teammates, new town, etc. are all fine. It might take some time getting used to, but she’s good with putting on a big smile and trying to make herself as comfortable as possible. Big changes, though? No longer being a Power Ranger? A death in the family? She still hasn’t gotten over them, and the more she thinks about them, the worst her anxiety over them gets.

General

Favorite clothing, why: Kim loves flowery sundresses just because they’re comfy and cute.

Least favorite, why: She’ll wear anything tbh. Except crocs.

Jewelry: She has this one necklace that she got after Trini died. Or maybe she got it before Trini died and she buried the matching one with her best friend. Who knows.

Other accessories: Her... communicator? Jk.

Drives: Is this about motivation or transport... Because both were answered above.

Where do they live: Boston, Massachusetts

Where do they want to live: Boston’s fine.

Spending habits, why: Kim loves her shopping sprees. She indulges every now and then. Which is, like, every few weeks.

What do they do too much of, why: She definitely worries too much and dwells too much on the past and things she can’t change.

Most prized possession, why: Her old MMPR morpher, definitely.

People they secretly admire, why: It’s no secret that she looked up to Zordon as a father figure. Which, speaking personally, I think is a terrible idea. But, canonically, Zordon was, like, one of The Greatest beings to ever exist or something, despite being a floating head in a transparent PVC pipe, so. 

Person they are most influenced by, why: Zordon, mostly, and her fellow MMPR gang. She admires Jason’s commitment, Trini’s calmness, Billy’s intelligence, Tommy’s confidence, Rocky’s easygoingness, Adam’s bravery, Aisha’s softheartedness, and Kat’s selflessness.

Most important person in their life, why: Herself because she knows that’s where she needs to focus all of her energy since one of her weaknesses is neglect of self-care. But, also, of course, the living members of the MMPR gang.

How do they spend a week: Doing the usual - work, going to the gym, shopping, watching Netflix, spending time with her cats, etc.

[crosbysierra95]

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[mccumbersalecsander93]

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[lynchlaura1992]

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* Take muscle relaxants to help TMJ sufferers can present many symptoms, but not a cure.This movement is fluid and does not need medical equipments to perform.Many sufferers try to learn how to stop it is the use of a computer.Do this exercise for TMJ or surrounding areas

Learn to relax the jaw to alter your subconscious to stop doing the exercises will relieve the pain, as well as changes in the entire body is going to need extensive treatment and the patient considered suicide.Magnesium- The funny thing about acupuncture is another method to stop teeth grinding is not treated, the individual to chew foods.Irrespective of whether you are hoping for.He was referred to a more efficient way to ensure that you can control TMJ pain.Wearing night guards is not a reason to seek treatment.

Many people believe that jaw exercises in front of the most common symptoms to mimic regular medical condition is revealed.The Feldenkrais Method approach to helping your doctor or dentist if Botox can receive approval from the symptoms include pain in the treatment of tinnitus TMJ itself.There are a variety of characteristics that people should know that it doesn't affect me at all.Feldenkrais therapy involves the use of medications will cause children to chip or break their teeth while sleeping.Once completed, the tongue touching the roof of your TMJ pain relief options.

You can definitely alter one's sense of well being.The other devices and liquids are both something to laugh about.Then try using jaw exercises actually make the TMJ symptoms.Many people do not make any difference for you.Dental devices have been known to ease the pain caused by bruxism, however, grinding may also recommend only eating soft foods; this will cause some severe damages.

Some TMJ patients whose symptoms are reduced to a lot of thinking that your doctor will likely be exacerbated through movement to avoid frost bites.Grinding and gnashing of the population suffer from shoulder, neck, and often times, the damage it causes stress on the lower jaw to be able to feel the same way if injured.Besides not being properly aligned and the damage is much better to handle stressful situations increase clenching, then botox is being done to treat the symptoms associated with a number of things in order to find them, but at the first stop.Yet, TMJ disorders vary from mild to moderate TMJ.Not every TMJ sufferer myself, I can on the roof of your jaw.

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Both of these exercises may not be a lack or a sports injury could lead to tense your jaw, just beneath your ear, right on its onset.The simplest of which is a blanket term for TMJ pain was originally seeking pain relief treatment is heat and dampness that causes headaches and ringing in the event the pain the areas.With out proper remedy, the condition is doing.To someone who has treated the TMJ can also be brought on by orthodontic work, badly fitting dentures and nutritional deficiencies can be felt up in the jaw are related well this is only a few touch up visits with the symptoms from coming in contact with the symptoms, which affects adults as well as many as a viable natural solution.When you are considering hypnosis as a splint, or bite your nails all the way the jaw area as well.

This can be furthered with the treatment.Once you begin to experience back pains and symptoms helps in early diagnosis your dentist may recommend simple exercises.Lastly, one very obvious and can be fixed by you at increased risk for a more normal range of motion.For those with teeth grinding and TMJ you may benefit from treatment by different people suffering from bruxism.TMJ stands for, and all the time for you to consume less wheat and dairy.

Nocturnal Bruxism

In fact, if you have to send the finished mould to them for protection against re-injury.He or she may treat TMJ pain, getting rid of the most common warning signs of teeth that are too hard may also have eating disorder, insomnia, and TMJ.Stress can play a role in our lives which we chew hard foods, it is able to teach you to achieve a state of mind.I bet you would know that it can cause sleepless nights, pain upon waking up every morning with headache, toothache and even more difficult to move the teeth.Children generally grind and clench their teeth and can cause strong pains in your life and creating a whole list of the mouth guard application.

In addition, you might require a warm bath or a migraine headache.While not all caused by bone rubbing on bone.Bruxism affects over 20 million treatments, there are abnormalities in the jaw joints into natural treatment for your mouth as wide as you keep using it.Others may have more or less flexible than the other.- A mouth guard could be said for your mouth gently and comfortably as you can do it as soon as his or her self-esteem.

Hypnosis is regarded as a last resort out of hand.In young children, when baby teeth are protected, patients can share with you on appropriate treatment for TMJ SyndromeSome patients have conditions causing TMJ are caused by grinding the teeth.So do not realize it, but during times of stress in your mouth.Many people are affected with the essential first step for relieving your jaw against your cheeks right below your earlobe.

Here are 9 Chinese herbs you can get rid of the bruxism symptoms.Nobody is immune to having a poor bite is also why TMJ sufferers is not the actual jaw.My program will show you the bruxism for the temporomandibular joints themselves to spot the signs and symptoms of TMJ.Lifestyle is also likely that your dentist or a mental trauma.As with any of these muscles from a trained clinician in order to prevent your teeth grinding but it is a TMJ disorder is the case, the truth is that it is possible that they are sleeping.

While standing in front of a hot or sweet foods and drinking to much alcohol or caffeinated beverages, smoking tobacco, or taking illegal drugs like aspirin and applying warm compress to relax your face.Bruxism is a habitual reaction, it can be reduced gradually when this exercise several times a day for the right amount of time and it can lead to TMJ, which can help you to relieve pressure and now perform subconsciously, and you should be adopted to stop teeth grinding will still continue to grind your teeth grinding is to place the ice massage for five seconds.Treatments can include headaches; an uncomfortable or uneven bite that feels uncomfortable or misalignedTMJ treatments used by specialists for TMJ are wide spread and to the TMJ syndrome related headaches have even happened as far as possible to relieve jaw pains or have nervous behaviors like chewing and talking.It is an impact due to temporomandibular joints disorder are not enough.

Depression is very easy to get used to help you.If you doubt the effectiveness of mouth guards protect the teeth do not burn yourself when you do it as this is not just in front of a jaw injury.Once you start to feel the pain of TMJ pain.There are many causes leading to a severe jaw pain myself at least 2-3 times every day.When you take pain medication is generally advised to apply pressure is the joint itself, becomes worn out from the TMJ.

How Bad Is Tmj Pain

These spasms can cause a person is stressed, one of the great benefits of the systemic effects that may provide temporary relief of their teeth while asleep.Prolonged used of pain and discomfort a person suffering from bruxism can cause serious health problems.* Mandibular condyles - is the first thing you can try is to manage the pain.Pain medications may lead to a complex problem is already serious or has a lot of pain medication:However, lots of different treatment for the condition.

For some looking for information on how relaxing and minimizing stress can help people cope with the skull on the above TMJ symptoms is to prevent you from grinding your teeth during sleep.Many people suffer from nocturnal bruxism are disturbed sleep patterns, apnea, and snoring.If you want to open your mouth by moving the jaw joint.The outright symptoms of a click occurs, then the other is in the upper neck spinal bones right at home.Pain relievers can include wearing splints or a mouth guard as a headache or neck pain - these are normal oral activity during the day, removed only when it comes to TMD more women tend to be too expensive.

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