healthnotion

[healthnotion]

Chukka Boots: The FAQ

Chukka boots represent one of the simplest styles of men’s footwear, and have been a sartorial staple for decades.

Despite their status as a classic menswear “basic,” however, guys still often have a few unanswered questions about them — questions that may keep them from getting, and rocking, a pair themselves.

So today we’ll answer some of those FAQ’s, so you can get more comfortable and confident with the chukka.

1. How do you pronounce “chukka”?

It’s “chuck-uh” (rhymes with “yucca”) rather than “choo-kuh.”

The name is believed to have arisen from British polo players living in colonial India; a “chukka” or “chukker” is a period in the game of polo. It’s unclear, though, whether the boot was named for its similarity to boots worn by players during the game, or to the footwear favored by them off the field.

2. What makes a chukka boot, a chukka boot?

Pictured: Astorflex Greenflex Desert Boot

Chukka boots come in a wide variety of colors and materials and may have little twists in style, but to be a true chukka, the distinctive features outlined above must be in evidence.

In addition to those fundamentals, chukkas most typically and traditionally sport thin laces and are made with either unlined leather calfskin or suede.

3. Are “chukka boots” and “desert boots” the same thing?

Yes and no. While “desert boots” and “chukka boots” are sometimes used interchangeably, desert boots are a specific type of chukka boot, so that all desert boots are chukkas, but not all chukkas are desert boots.

The desert boot variation of the chukka arose during World War II. British soldiers fighting in the Western Desert Campaign in Egypt and Libya found that their military-issued boots didn’t do an adequate job offering traction in the sand, nor of keeping that sand from migrating inside of them. They admired the footwear of traders in the Old Bazaar in Cairo, which was in turn influenced by the footwear of South African soldiers. British officers had cobblers make chukka boots for them based on that design, which married the traditional chukka upper that tied up close to the ankle (the better to keep out sand), with a crepe rubber sole (the better to walk upon it). These “desert boots” were popularized after the war as civilian footwear by the Clarks company.

Pictured on left: Clark’s Original Desert Boot; on right: Ace Marks Chukka Boot Lorenzo.

Today the desert boot can be distinguished from a “standard” chukka by its thick rubber sole — it is also most often made of suede, and its most classic color is, not so surprisingly, sand. While dark chukka boots with a thin, hard leather sole are more formal, desert boots are more comfortable to wear, and sit on the more casual side of the chukka spectrum.

4. What can I wear with chukkas?

Nearly everything in your closet.

While all types chukkas reside more on the casual end of the footwear spectrum, these versatile boots can readily be dressed both up and down.

On the most casual level, they look fine with jeans and a t-shirt — at least a nicer, solid/striped tee rather than the graphic variety.

Chukkas are most at home at the next notch up: smart casual. They pair great with dark denim/chinos + a button-down, polo, or sweater. Stylish yet comfortable, swapping sneakers for chukkas is an easy way to elevate all your casual looks.

They remain suitable as you rise a little higher to business casual, and can be worn with khakis and a sport coat or blazer.

Now, as to whether you can rise another formality level still and wear them with a suit, we’ll address that in its own question below.

For McQueen, no matter the outfit or occasion, it was all chukkas, all the time.

But first a few general style tips:

Contrast the color of your chukkas and pants; so darker-colored boots with lighter pants/lighter-colored boots with darker pants. Avoid having the color of your boots and pants match too closely; e.g., sand-colored chukkas + sand-colored khakis.

Consider rolling your pants up a bit to show off the distinctive styling of the upper part of the boot; with it covered, the boot just looks like a generic leather shoe.

Choose pants that break a little higher and have a narrower leg; a little rounded toe sticking out of a baggy, wide leg pant looks weird.

Click here for more specific recommendations on how to style a pair of chukkas with 3 different get-ups.

5. Can you wear chukkas with a suit?

Yes, with a few caveats.

First, chukkas are more appropriate when paired with a suit for after-hours social occasions rather than professional ones. The combination will look out of place in more traditional banking and legal offices.

Second, if you do wear chukkas with a suit, it should be those with leather soles and calfskin uppers, rather than suede desert boots with rubber soles. With the bottom of your suit pants covering the tops of your chukkas, the toes of such boots won’t look too different from those of another leather dress shoe.

Finally, while it can be done, because of the casual nature of chukkas, they’re definitely not ideal for pairing with the formality of a suit; a dressier shoe will invariably look better.

6. Can you wear chukkas in the summer?

Given the fact that they’re called desert boots and grew out of the hot climes of Africa and India, you’d think the answer to this one would be obvious — yes!

The hesitation about wearing chukkas in the summer of course comes from the idea that you shouldn’t wear boots during the hotter months. And indeed, you shouldn’t wear high-cut, heavy duty boots in the heat (unless they’re for function). But with their ankle height, and typically unlined, thinner fabric, chukkas are an exception to the rule. In fact, they’re one of the best of the limited options available for classy, closed-toed, but laid-back summertime shoes for men.

You can technically go sockless with chukkas, but they tie up so close to your ankles, that dropping socks isn’t going to make your feet much cooler — just sweatier and stinkier.

If you can wear them in the summer, can you wear them with shorts? Not recommended. It makes you look like you’re going on an African safari, and can only be pulled off if that’s what you’re actually doing. If it’s hot enough you need to don shorts, it’s time to go sockless in an even lower cut of leather footwear: the boat shoe.

The post Chukka Boots: The FAQ appeared first on The Art of Manliness.

Chukka Boots: The FAQ published first on https://mensproblem.tumblr.com

[healthnotion]

Ernest Hemingway’s Advice on Camping Out

Editor’s note: Throughout Ernest Hemingway’s life, he maintained a love for the outdoors and for outdoor pursuits. This love was inculcated early, as his father took him into the woods as soon as he was able to walk, and taught Ernest the rudiments of hunting and fishing when the boy was only a toddler. Hemingway Sr. further instructed his son in how to build fires, make wilderness shelters, tie fishing flies, and cook wild game; he always insisted that Ernest eat whatever he killed. Hemingway continued to relish hiking, backpacking, camping, and fishing as a young man, and these pursuits would prove healing after his experience in WWI and throughout his adulthood.

Before he broke through as a novelist, a twenty-something Hemingway worked as a staff writer for the Toronto Star Weekly, and penned this non-fiction piece for the paper in 1920. In it, he shares his well-earned advice for old fashioned camping, including the very best way to fry trout.

“Camping Out” By Ernest Hemingway

Thousands of people will go into the bush this summer to cut the high cost of living. A man who gets his two weeks’ salary while he is on vacation should be able to put those two weeks in fishing and camping and be able to save one week’s salary clear. He ought to be able to sleep comfortably every night, to eat well every day and to return to the city rested and in good condition.

But if he goes into the woods with a frying pan, an ignorance of black flies and mosquitoes, and a great and abiding lack of knowledge about cookery, the chances are that his return will be very different. He will come back with enough mosquito bites to make the back of his neck look like a relief map of the Caucasus. His digestion will be wrecked after a valiant battle to assimilate half-cooked or charred grub. And he won’t have had a decent night’s sleep while he has been gone.

He will solemnly raise his right hand and inform you that he has joined the grand army of never-agains. The call of the wild may be all right, but it’s a dog’s life. He’s heard the call of the tame with both ears. Waiter, bring him an order of milk toast.

In the first place, he overlooked the insects. Black flies, no-see-ums, deer flies, gnats and mosquitoes were instituted by the devil to force people to live in cities where he could get at them better. If it weren’t for them everybody would live in the bush and he would be out of work. It was a rather successful invention.

But there are lots of dopes that will counteract the pests. The simplest perhaps is oil of citronella. Two bits’ worth of this purchased at any pharmacist’s will be enough to last for two weeks in the worst fly and mosquito-ridden country.

Rub a little on the back of your neck, your forehead, and your wrists before you start fishing, and the blacks and skeeters will shun you. The odor of citronella is not offensive to people. It smells like gun oil. But the bugs do hate it.

Oil of pennyroyal and eucalyptol are also much hated by mosquitoes, and with citronella, they form the basis for many proprietary preparations. But it is cheaper and better to buy the straight citronella. Put a little on the mosquito netting that covers the front of your pup tent or canoe tent at night, and you won’t be bothered.

To be really rested and get any benefit out of a vacation a man must get a good night’s sleep every night. The first requisite for this is to have plenty of cover. It is twice as cold as you expect it will be in the bush four nights out of five, and a good plan is to take just double the bedding that you think you will need. An old quilt that you can wrap up in is as warm as two blankets.

Nearly all outdoor writers rhapsodize over the browse bed [a “mattress” made by layering the fans of evergreen boughs]. It is all right for the man who knows how to make one and has plenty of time. But in a succession of one-night camps on a canoe trip all you need is level ground for your tent floor and you will sleep all right if you have plenty of covers under you. Take twice as much cover as you think that you will need, and then put two-thirds of it under you. You will sleep warm and get your rest.

When it is clear weather you don’t need to pitch your tent if you are only stopping for the night. Drive four stakes at the head of your made-up bed and drape your mosquito bar over that, then you can sleep like a log and laugh at the mosquitoes.

Outside of insects and bum sleeping the rock that wrecks most camping trips is cooking. The average tyro’s idea of cooking is to fry everything and fry it good and plenty. Now, a frying pan is a most necessary thing to any trip, but you also need the old stew kettle and the folding reflector baker.

A pan of fried trout can’t be bettered and they don’t cost any more than ever. But there is a good and bad way of frying them.

The beginner puts his trout and his bacon in and over a brightly burning fire; the bacon curls up and dries into a dry tasteless cinder and the trout is burned outside while it is still raw inside. He eats them and it is all right if he is only out for the day and going home to a good meal at night. But if he is going to face more trout and bacon the next morning and other equally well-cooked dishes for the remainder of two weeks he is on the pathway to nervous dyspepsia.

The proper way is to cook over coals. Have several cans of Crisco or Cotosuet or one of the vegetable shortenings along that are as good as lard and excellent for all kinds of shortening. Put the bacon in and when it is about half cooked lay the trout in the hot grease, dipping them in corn meal first. Then put the bacon on top of the trout and it will baste them as it slowly cooks.

The coffee can be boiling at the same time and in a smaller skillet pancakes being made that are satisfying the other campers while they are waiting for the trout.

With the prepared pancake flours you take a cupful of pancake flour and add a cup of water. Mix the water and flour and as soon as the lumps are out it is ready for cooking. Have the skillet hot and keep it well greased. Drop the batter in and as soon as it is done on one side loosen it in the skillet and flip it over. Apple butter, syrup or cinnamon and sugar go well with the cakes.

While the crowd have taken the edge from their appetites with flapjacks the trout have been cooked and they and the bacon are ready to serve. The trout are crisp outside and firm and pink inside and the bacon is well done–but not too done. If there is anything better than that combination the writer has yet to taste it in a lifetime devoted largely and studiously to eating.

The stew kettle will cook your dried apricots when they have resumed their predried plumpness after a night of soaking, it will serve to concoct a mulligan in, and it will cook macaroni. When you are not using it, it should be boiling water for the dishes.

In the baker, mere man comes into his own, for he can make a pie that to his bush appetite will have it all over the product that mother used to make, like a tent. Men have always believed that there was something mysterious and difficult about making a pie. Here is a great secret. There is nothing to it. We’ve been kidded for years. Any man of average office intelligence can make at least as good a pie as his wife.

All there is to a pie is a cup and a half of flour, one-half teaspoonful of salt, one-half cup of lard and cold water. That will make pie crust that will bring tears of joy into your camping partner’s eyes.

Mix the salt with the flour, work the lard into the flour, make it up into a good workmanlike dough with cold water. Spread some flour on the back of a box or something flat, and pat the dough around a while. Then roll it out with whatever kind of round bottle you prefer. Put a little more lard on the surface of the sheet of dough and then slosh a little flour on and roll it up and then roll it out again with the bottle.

Cut out a piece of the rolled out dough big enough to line a pie tin. I like the kind with holes in the bottom. Then put in your dried apples that have soaked all night and been sweetened, or your apricots, or your blueberries, and then take another sheet of the dough and drape it gracefully over the top, soldering it down at the edges with your fingers. Cut a couple of slits in the top dough sheet and prick it a few times with a fork in an artistic manner.

Put it in the baker with a good slow fire for forty-five minutes and then take it out and if your pals are Frenchmen they will kiss you. The penalty for knowing how to cook is that the others will make you do all the cooking.

It is all right to talk about roughing it in the woods. But the real woodsman is the man who can be really comfortable in the bush.

The post Ernest Hemingway’s Advice on Camping Out appeared first on The Art of Manliness.

Ernest Hemingway’s Advice on Camping Out published first on https://mensproblem.tumblr.com

[healthnotion]

Simplify Your Day to Have a Greater Impact

By Leo Babauta

Our society is obsessed with productivity and optimizing our lives — having the perfect routine, perfect diet, perfect productivity system, perfect todo app, and more.

It’s an ideal that not only doesn’t exist, it’s harmful to our health and happiness. And what’s more, it’s completely misguided — what many of us really want to do with our work is do meaningful work and have an impact on the world.

So how can we let go of the focus on productivity and optimizing, while still doing meaningful work and having an impact?

Simplify. Focus on the important, meaningful tasks instead of churning. And actually dive into those meaningful tasks instead of procrastinating because of the uncertainty that comes with them.

Look at your task list and email/messages inbox and pick the most meaningful tasks — there’s a good chance you’ve been putting them off. Instead, when you don’t go to your favorite distractions, you are likely to churn through smaller tasks, answering messages, checking on inboxes and updates.

This is because meaningful, important tasks come with great uncertainty. We habitually respond to this uncertainty by avoiding it, going to distraction and easier tasks that make us feel less uncertain.

But the result is that we’re churning through a lot of busywork, spending our days doing a lot but not getting a lot accomplished.

Instead, we can simplify:

Pick meaningful tasks, and focus on those.

Create space by clearing away distractions.

Letting the busywork get pushed until later in the day, when we set aside room for those.

And putting our entire being into the meaningful, important tasks.

Imagine clearing out space in your day by simplifying, letting go of the small tasks, not constantly answering messages and emails, and instead giving yourself the generous gift of focusing.

You’d get the meaningful tasks done, and feel like your work is more meaningful. Those tasks would make a greater impact, and over time, you’d have a great impact on the world.

All because you simplified and focused.

This month, I challenge you to join me in the Dive Into the Important Tasks.

Join my Sea Change Program today to be a part of the challenge.

Simplify Your Day to Have a Greater Impact published first on https://mensproblem.tumblr.com

[healthnotion]

Podcast #504: How an Olympic Marathoner Trains, Eats, Recovers, and Stays Mentally Strong

The marathon race is one of sport’s most physically demanding events. To not just complete a marathon to but to compete in the race at its highest levels takes an incredible amount of dedication to training, recovery, diet, and mindset.

My guest today gives us a firsthand look at what that kind of dedication and strategy look like. His name is Jared Ward, and he placed 6th in the marathon at the 2016 Rio Olympics, and 8th in this year’s Boston Marathon. But Jared is more than just a runner — he’s also a coach, a statistics professor at BYU, a husband, and a father of four.

Today I talk to Jared about he balances all those aspects of his life, even as he trains for the 2020 Olympics, and about exactly how he eats, recovers, and programs his workouts. We also discuss how he deals with nerves before big races and stays in a positive mindset while he runs them. We end our conversation with Jared’s advice for amateur runners.

Show Highlights

Jared’s entrance into competitive running and marathoning 

How Jared balances running, his work as a professor, and being a husband/dad

Habits and routines that have helped him keep that balance

Jared’s philosophy towards training (and an inside look at his own training) 

His cycles of training 

Jared’s weightlifting regimen 

How Jared recovers, and how that recovery has changed as he’s gotten older 

What it really feels like the morning after a marathon 

Jared’s diet, and how it fluctuates with his training cycles 

Jared’s take on carbs 

The mental game  

Tips for beginner runners

How long does it take to go from beginner runner to marathoner?

Is there a common cause to runner’s injuries?

The statistics project that Jared turned running times into  

Resources/People/Articles Mentioned in Podcast

The Myths and Truths of Distance Running

4 Bulletproof Ways to Prevent Running Injuries

Ditch the Pavement: Trail Running 101

5 Myths About Distance Running

Beginner’s Guide to Long-Distance Running

What Really Works for Exercise Recovery

Know Your Lifts

Get Stronger by Improving Your Recovery

Should You Lift Weights Before Doing Cardio? Or Do Cardio Before Weights

Forging Mental Strength Through Physical Strength

The Advantages of a High-Carb/Low-Fat Diet

How to Finally Nail Your Pre- and Post-Workout Nutrition

How Bad Do You Want It?

Connect With Jared 

Jared on Twitter

Jared on Instagram

Jared’s website

Listen to the Podcast! (And don’t forget to leave us a review!)

Listen to the episode on a separate page.

Download this episode.

Subscribe to the podcast in the media player of your choice.

Recorded on ClearCast.io

Podcast Sponsors

Art of Manliness Store. From t-shirts, to mugs, to posters, and other unique items, the Art of Manliness store has something for everyone. Use code “aompodcast” for 10% off your first purchase. 

Brilliant Earth is the global leader in ethically sourced fine jewelry, and THE destination for creating your own custom engagement ring. For a limited time, you’ll receive a complimentary pair of diamond stud earrings with the purchase an engagement ring. To see terms for this special offer and to shop all of Brilliant Earth’s selections, just go to BrilliantEarth.com/manliness.

Saxx Underwear. Everything you didn’t know you needed in a pair of underwear. Visit saxxunderwear.com and get $5 off plus FREE shipping on your first purchase when you use the code “AOM” at checkout.

Click here to see a full list of our podcast sponsors.

Read the Transcript

Coming soon!

The post Podcast #504: How an Olympic Marathoner Trains, Eats, Recovers, and Stays Mentally Strong appeared first on The Art of Manliness.

Podcast #504: How an Olympic Marathoner Trains, Eats, Recovers, and Stays Mentally Strong published first on https://mensproblem.tumblr.com

[healthnotion]

Your Life Explained Through Dopamine

With most women [James Bond’s] manner was a mixture of taciturnity and passion. . . . He found something grisly in the inevitability of the pattern of each affair. The conventional parabola—sentiment, the touch of the hand, the kiss, the passionate kiss, the feel of the body, the climax in the bed, then more bed, then less bed, then the boredom, the tears, and the final bitterness—was to him shameful and hypocritical. Even more he shunned the mise-en-scène for each of these acts in the play—the meeting at a party, the restaurant, the taxi, his flat, her flat, then the weekend by the sea, then the flats again, then the furtive alibis, and the final angry farewell on some doorstep in the rain. –Casino Royale

In the above quote, Ian Fleming describes the depressing cycle of Bond’s relationships with women.

But he is also describing the dopamine cycle that occurs not only with romantic passion, but in all areas of life.

Dopamine is often known as the pleasure chemical, but it might better be understood as the anticipation chemical.

This neurotransmitter is triggered by looking ahead, by imagining things that you don’t yet have in the present but want to secure in the future. Dopamine paints an idealized picture of what obtaining those rewards will be like, and how they will improve your life, which drives you towards them. It’s amplified by encounters with novelty, and the process of discovering and learning new things about something/someone. The uncertain and the unknown send it surging: Does she like me? What will I find in this place? Will I have a new text or email when I open my phone? Dopamine wants to find out. 

When you’re beginning a new romantic or even platonic relationship, and have high expectations that this is the person you’ve been waiting to meet, who will fulfill your longstanding hopes, and you envision years of good times ahead with them, dopamine is fueling your excited, even giddy, optimism. When you obsessively check your phone for texts from said person, and can’t help — despite wanting to seem more cool and aloof — responding immediately and enthusiastically (“Sure!” “Can’t wait!”), dopamine is in the driver’s seat. It’s the same thing when you’re anticipating a vacation, and imagine how amazing the trip is going to be, or when you start a new job and feel all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed about it.

Dopamine is also triggered when we scheme and dream, plot and plan, and actively strive to get that which we desire — and it lends energy, elation, enthusiasm, and excitement that push us towards those goals. It makes you think about the thing/person you want all the time. It gives you single-minded focus — passion, longing, even obsession. Dopamine motivates you to make sacrifices that you wouldn’t in its absence; it makes things that would normally seem burdensome, feel easy.

If you typically hate waking up early, but happily accept an invitation to lift weights at 6 a.m. from a new friend you’re hoping to get to know better, dopamine is what helped you get out of bed. If you normally hate helping people move, but gladly volunteer to assist a girl you’ve got a crush on, dopamine is what motivated you to show up.

You feel the hope-inducing, motivational power of dopamine whenever you sign up for a new online program or download a planning app, and feel that “This, this is going to be the thing that finally turns my life around.” You feel it when you stay up late to work on a project you care about, and can barely bring yourself to break off to go to the bathroom. You feel it when you’re contemplating some big purchase you think is going to add a lot of happiness to your life.

In short, dopamine heightens your desire and expectations for possibilities/rewards you’re envisioning, motivating you to secure them.

As such, dopamine is a wonderful thing — it causes you to feel dissatisfaction with the status quo, to reach beyond what you have now to grasp for more, to explore, climb, and discover. It lends life a charge. It puts the thrill in the thrill of pursuit.

But, dopamine doesn’t last forever.

The novel becomes familiar. The uncertain becomes certain. The unknown becomes known. The future becomes the present. Endless possibilities become finite actualities. Your rose-colored fantasies become clear-eyed, concrete, complicated realities.

It turns out you and a recently-made friend don’t have everything in common after all. You’re not feeling quite as giddy about your girlfriend as you once did, and you’ve started having more disagreements. You generally think about these now not-so-new people in your life less often. You’re slower to respond to their texts, and when you do, you use fewer exclamation marks. Waking up early or moving a couch begin to feel like burdens again.

Your vacation is fun, but not everything goes the way you imagined it would. The new car you bought felt cool for a couple weeks, but now just feels like a car. A few months into your job, work becomes a mere matter of routine.  

Working on your side project feels more like drudgery than fun. You decide that the new online program or organizational app you’ve been trying out wasn’t the right fit for you.

When dopaminergic excitement is higher than the perceived and real effort of doing something, you have the motivation to do it and it doesn’t seem as hard. For example, the first time you think about doing an obstacle race, the novelty, uncertainty (“What will it be like?”), and anticipation of reward (the satisfaction of crossing the finish line/posting a pic of you there on social media) creates a motivation greater than the perceived difficulty. After you’ve done the race, however, dopamine evaporates. When thinking about doing the race again, your excitement may be lower than the assessment of the effort it will take; consequently, you do not sign up again. The individual dopamine cycle then has culture-wide effects; when OCRs first came on the scene several years ago, they were wildly popular, as the novelty of the concept got people to try it in droves. Now they’re in decline, because the dopamine surrounding them is in decline.

Dopamine extinguishes itself whenever it gets in fact, whatever it’s been longing for in the abstract. When dopamine collides with reality, its chemical charge dissipates. The honeymoon period, which accompanies any new relationship or experience, comes to an end.

This can feel like a real letdown. It’s why when you finally achieve a goal you’ve been working towards, the moment can actually feel pretty anticlimactic. The lead-up felt more electric than the pinnacle!

In the midst of this letdown, you reach a crossroads. You have several options as to what to do next.

To avoid feeling let down in the future, you can stop hoping for things, stop going after things, stop having high expectations. But, as we’ll soon discuss, while getting stuck endlessly chasing after dopamine highs can be a problem, an equal problem is not having enough dopamine-induced charge in your life. Most of us need more of the electricity of anticipation, not less.

A second option is to move on from your current, dopamine-depleted pursuit to a new one, which will bring the neurotransmitter surging back. This can be fine if you’ve completed a “one-and-done” sort of goal: you took a trip, and although it wasn’t as perfect as you anticipated, it was still fun, and now you’re starting to plan your next vacation; you ran your first marathon, the satisfaction you felt has faded, and now you’re looking for another race to sign up for; you won a prize for a painting you passionately brought to life, and that was sure nice, but now you’re caught up in creating a new work.

However, dopamine doesn’t always extinguish when the anticipation of achieving a goal meets the reality of completion, but when it collides with an idealized conception of what it will take to reach that end. Sometimes dopamine dies out in an endeavor at a point in which you still have months, years, and even decades of effort left to put into it; if you want it to last, it will take ongoing, even never-ending, maintenance. You find yourself in a longer-term project where the work to be done lasts far longer than the dopamine-driven motivation to do it.

Dopamine can dissipate two years into a new relationship or a couple months into a new job; at that point, you can either start over and continue an endless, restless, and ultimately dissatisfying cycle of constantly chasing another dopaminergic ride — rabidly pursuing, then becoming bored with, then abandoning new friends, lovers, and enterprises — or, you can find a way to continue to sustain and build your interest in the people and work to which you’ve already committed. 

The latter choice represents the third option available once dopamine has run its course, and it involves transitioning to a different source of satisfaction.

Shifting to the Pleasures of the Here and Now

Every part of living is divided in this way: we have one way of dealing with what we want, and another way of dealing with what we have. –The Molecule of More

Once the excitement of dopaminergic arousal dies out, and the initial thrill of something is gone, people think about calling it quits. In the absence of dopamine-driven motivation, they perceive the effort it takes to continue as more effortful. They think things should be easier than they are. Instead of only seeing the good, they start noticing the problems, the cracks. They wonder if someone/something is really right for them after all.

They may not be. But this judgment shouldn’t be tied entirely to your feelings of intrinsic enthusiasm and motivation. If you still feel like you have a good thing going, but just feel a little less giddy about it than you used to, it may simply be time to switch to a different source of pleasure.

As Daniel Lieberman and Michael Long explain in The Molecule of More:

To enjoy the things we have, as opposed to the things that are only possible, our brains must transition from future-oriented dopamine to present-oriented chemicals, a collection of neurotransmitters we call Here and Now molecules, or the H&Ns. Most people have heard of H&Ns. They include serotonin, oxytocin, endorphins (your brain’s version of morphine), and a class of chemicals called endocannabinoids (your brain’s version of marijuana). As opposed to the pleasure of anticipation via dopamine, these chemicals give us pleasure from sensation and emotion.

Lieberman and Long sum up this shift as making the “transition from excitement to enjoyment.” It might also be described as moving from choosing and pursuing to maintaining and building — a pivot we argue represents a major crux of adulthood.

To avoid the letdown that ironically comes with getting what you want, H&Ns need to take over where dopamine leaves off.

A good example for understanding how this works can be found in thinking about sex. When you’re seducing a stranger to sleep with you, dopamine comes on strong; the anticipation is highly charged. But as you orgasm, dopamine rapidly dissipates. With its departure, you can feel emptiness, a little disappointment, and even a bit of disgust for the partner who seemed so desirable just minutes ago; you want to get out of there and move on. To get another rush of pleasure, you’ll have to repeat the cycle of seduction.

When you have sex with a partner you’re in love with, on the other hand, the dissipation of dopamine post-coitus is compensated for by the Here & Now chemicals — the serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins — that fill the void. You continue to take pleasure in the laughter and cuddling you engage in that evening, and in the conversation you have over breakfast the next morning.

With the random hook-up, once the dopamine died there was nothing but a void (this can also explain why people sometimes feel empty after masturbating). With the intimate sex, the pleasures of dopamine smoothly segued into the pleasures of the H&Ns.

At left, the dopamine cycle alone; what Mr. Fleming called “the conventional parabola.” At right, allowing the satisfactions of the H&Ns to take over where dopamine leaves off.

Lieberman and Long write that the Here and Now molecules “allow you to experience what’s in front of you,” but require a “different set of skills” to engage. While the prompts of dopamine operate in a more involuntary way, tapping into the H&N chemicals takes more intention.

As they constitute the chemicals of the here and now, experiencing them naturally involves learning to be completely present — living mindfully in the moment. You drink up what’s happening with all your senses — you seek to touch, taste, hear, and see the people you’re with, the environment you’re in, and the activity you’re engaging, to the fullest extent possible. You take the time to reflect on the warmth of looking into another person’s eyes, of laughing in a group, of sinking your teeth into a juicy burger. You really take the time to appreciate and enjoy what you have.

You also have to be deliberate about creating the contexts in which H&Ns flourish. While dopaminergic arousal ensures that you practically can’t help but think about and reach out to people, or work on a task, once that dies down, you’ve got to be more proactive: “I haven’t checked in with so-and-so in a while — I’ll text him to see if he’s available for lunch”; “I don’t feel like working on this task, but I really want to keep excelling in this field, so I’ll just be a professional and get going on it”; “Doing date night with my spouse isn’t convenient this week, but we’re going to go out anyway.”

The catch-22 about transitioning from dopamine to H&Ns, is that to experience the pleasures of the Here & Now, you’ve got to make good times happen in the here and now, but making good times happen is harder in the absence of dopamine; once it dies, it’s thus very easy just to let things drop and drift. To get out of that cycle, you have to be intentional about continuing to do the things you used to do in the presence of dopamine, in its absence.

There’s a bit of a red pill quality to understanding how dopamine operates in your life; once you do, it’s hard not to readily identify when it’s playing a role, so that instead of being unabashedly giddy and hopeful — “This is the thing that’s going to change my life!” — you can get a little demoralized and cynical: “No, I know what’s going on here — dopamine’s just inflaming my brain. This isn’t going to last.”

But it’s empowering too; now when you encounter friction in some pursuit, you won’t automatically abandon ship, only to repeat the exact same cycle again (“This time is different. This is the thing that will change my life!”). Instead, you’ll know, “I’m not necessarily on the wrong track, I just need to switch to a different source of satisfaction.” 

Why Long-Distance Relationships Generally Don’t Last

Once you understand the interplay between dopamine and the H&Ns, you can better understand why long-distance relationships usually don’t work out.

At first, the novelty, tension, and uncertainty of a long-distance relationship keeps its two participants longing for each other and motivated to obsessively text, call, and Skype. But as the newness melts away, and the idealized vision of what it would be like to continue a relationship while apart, collides with the realities of how difficult doing so can be, dopamine begins to dissipate.

But, because the lovers are in two different locations, there are no Here & Now chemicals to take its place. Thus when dopamine dies, the relationship dies with it.

Seeking Harmony Between Dopamine and the Here and Now’s 

Dopamine is a place to begin, not to finish. –The Molecule of More

Life isn’t about operating on either dopamine or H&Ns but rather seeking a balance between both.

If you’re too dopaminergic, you’ll end up restless, perennially dissatisfied, and unable to build and maintain anything of depth and lasting significance. You’ll just keep trading one goal or relationship for the next, and abandon one half-finished project after another.

But if you’re too content with the H&Ns, you can become complacent — overly satisfied with what you already have to the point of stagnation.

The key is to toggle between these two sets of chemicals, as appropriate — allowing yourself to be satisfied, but never wholly so; content, and yet eager for continuous growth. You have to be able to enjoy the excitement of the conquest, and be able to hold onto what you secure.  

As Lieberman and Long point out, not only are these two modes of operation not at loggerheads, they work together. The information you gather from being present in the here and now, can lead you into the pursuit of a new, dopamine-driven idea or relationship.

At the same time, even when dopamine stops being the primary driver in some area, that doesn’t mean it has to disappear entirely. Even when the pleasures of a job or relationship have become mainly of the H&N variety, it’s still possible to bring the butterflies back from time to time. Taking a new avenue within your career, or doing new things with your old spouse, can reactivate the charge of dopamine again. Even when you’re on a steady, familiar path, there are still ways to take little turns of novelty along the way.

Dopamine and the Here & Now’s; the thrill of the hunt, and the enjoyment of the quarry; you need both to unlock your potential and achieve real happiness.

Be sure to listen to our podcast with Lieberman and Long for more on this topic: 

The post Your Life Explained Through Dopamine appeared first on The Art of Manliness.

Your Life Explained Through Dopamine published first on https://mensproblem.tumblr.com

[healthnotion]

Podcast #503: The Case for the 24/6 Lifestyle

We live in a world where it’s possible to work ourselves 24/7. Even when you’re away from the office, work still follows you on your smartphone. Being constantly connected can make us feel like we’re getting a lot done, but my guest today makes the case that we’d all be better off if we practiced the ancient tradition of the Sabbath. His name Aaron Edelheit and he’s the author of the book The Hard Break: The Case for a 24/6 Lifestyle. 

We begin our show discussing the burnout Aaron experienced as an entrepreneur working non-stop, how he rediscovered the Jewish tradition of the Sabbath, and how it changed his life and even helped him sell his business for over 200 million dollars. Along the way, we explore America’s workaholism and how it’s making us miserable and less productive, and costing businesses money. Aaron then digs into how you can start implementing a Sabbath practice regardless of your beliefs, and the benefits that accrue to your life, your health, your creativity, and even your bottom line when you take a weekly reset.

Show Highlights

How Aaron realized he was working too much 

Why Americans feel like they’re working more than ever

The physical consequences of being constantly connected

The myth of “rise and grind”; why success isn’t worth martyrdom 

Why the Sabbath is more important today than it’s ever been 

What the Jewish Sabbath looks like 

Case studies of how big-time entrepreneurs and companies have used tech breaks to improve their businesses 

The signaling of busyness 

What really matters in life

How to set-up a weekly sabbath for yourself 

Tips for getting the most out of your Sabbath 

Why so many Silicon Valley titans are surfers 

How a vacation sparked the idea for the Hamilton Broadway play

  Resources/People/Articles Mentioned in Podcast

How and Why to Take a Tech Sabbath

4 Lessons From a 4-Week Social Media Fast

In Praise of Wasting Time

The Complete Guide to Breaking Your Smartphone Habit

5 Concrete Ways to Develop a Healthier Relationship With Your Phone

Elevate Your Game and Avoid Burnout

The Joy of Missing Out

The Meaning, Manifestations, and Treatments for Anxiety

Are Modern People the Most Exhausted in History?

Dustin Moskovitz

Default mode network

Brad Feld and his article “The Power of a Digital Sabbath”

How to Make Time for What Really Matters Every Day

The Dangers of Distracted Parenting

Love Is All You Need

Becoming a Digital Minimalist

Connect With Aaron 

TheHardBreak.com

Aaron on Twitter

Listen to the Podcast! (And don’t forget to leave us a review!)

Listen to the episode on a separate page.

Download this episode.

Subscribe to the podcast in the media player of your choice.

Recorded on ClearCast.io

Podcast Sponsors

Brilliant Earth is the global leader in ethically sourced fine jewelry, and THE destination for creating your own custom engagement ring. From now until May 5th get a complimentary pair of diamond studs with the purchase of an engagement ring. Learn more at BrilliantEarth.com/manliness.

Indochino. Every man needs at least one great suit in their closet. Indochino offers custom, made-to-measure suits for department store prices. Use code “manliness” at checkout to get a premium suit for just $379. Plus, shipping is free. 

ZipRecruiter. Find the best job candidates by posting your job on over 100+ of the top job recruitment sites with just a click at ZipRecruiter. Visit ZipRecruiter.com/manliness to learn more.

Click here to see a full list of our podcast sponsors.

Read the Transcript

Coming soon!

The post Podcast #503: The Case for the 24/6 Lifestyle appeared first on The Art of Manliness.

Podcast #503: The Case for the 24/6 Lifestyle published first on https://mensproblem.tumblr.com

[healthnotion]

The Dive Into Important Tasks Challenge

By Leo Babauta

There’s nothing we can do more to further our meaningful work and make the impact that we want to make in the world than to:

Pick our most important, meaningful tasks

And dive into them with full focus

And yet, it seems to be a challenge for almost every person on this planet. Very few people regularly overcome distraction, procrastination, the urge to do small tasks or check email and messages, rationalization and running from discomfort to our usual comforts.

So in May, I’m launching a challenge in my Sea Change Program called Dive Into Important Tasks. It starts on Monday, May 6, but you can join today and commit to the challenge.

This challenge is about picking out your high-impact, high-priority tasks every day, and then diving into it, letting go of the urge to go to distractions, the urge to procrastinate, the uncertainty that comes with these meaningful tasks.

It’s about overcoming our age-old habits of procrastination, and diving into our meaningful work.

Here’s how the challenge works:

Week 1: Pick 1 meaningful task a day and do 10 minutes of it first thing in the morning (or whenever you start working).

Week 2: Do 2 sessions of 10 minutes your meaningful task first thing when you start working each day. Break up the two sessions with a 5-minute break. We’re training our ability to stay focused on what’s important, but in doable sessions.

Week 3: Pick 2 important tasks each day, and do 3 10-minute sessions. Two sessions can be for the first task, then the third for the second task. Sessions have a 5-minute break in between. Again, we’re further training ourselves to stay on task and not put it off.

Week 4: Pick 3 important tasks each day, and do 4 10-minute sessions. Split up the 4 sessions however you like between the 3 important tasks. You can take a longer break between them if needed, so that you don’t have to spend a consecutive hour doing these sessions but can spread them out in the beginning part of your work day.

During the challenge, I’ll provide articles about the focus sessions and how to choose and dive into the important tasks.

The Benefits of this Training

This is actually daily training into focus and prioritization.

If you do this challenge and really commit to it, you’ll find some powerful benefits:

You’ll start to get good at starting on things. This is so important in today’s world of distraction, but it’s always been tough to not run to the habit of procrastination. Getting good at not putting things off is a superhero skill.

You’ll start to train in staying in the uncertainty of meaningful work. If you practice in this invaluable skill, there’s almost nothing you can’t do beyond physical limitations. We stop letting fear and discomfort hold us back. We stop being afraid of difficulty and uncertainty. We cultivate fearlessness.

And maybe even launch a project you’ve been waiting your whole life to launch. Your love song to the world. If you have a gift to give to the world, it’s a shame to not give it.

Join the Challenge in Sea Change

If you join Sea Change today (with a 7-day free trial), you can join the challenge and get:

An article each week to help you dive into the challenge

A community of people supporting each other, including small teams you can join to hold you accountable

A live video webinar with me, where I give a talk and then answer your questions live

A huge content of library to help you change the habits you’ve always wanted to change

Join Sea Change today (7 days free, then $15/month).

The Dive Into Important Tasks Challenge published first on https://mensproblem.tumblr.com

[healthnotion]

Sunday Firesides: Against Little Red Hen Culture

I’m sure you remember the story of the Little Red Hen. The hen asks her friends to help her plant and harvest wheat, and they decline. She asks them to grind the wheat into flour, and bake the flour into bread, and they refuse. Then, when the hot, delicious-smelling bread comes out of the oven, all the hen’s friends want a bite. None of them wanted to make the bread, but all of them want to eat it.

The old fable offered a reflection of certain human tendencies back when it was first told, and can tell us something about our culture today.

Everyone wants their children to have a great experience in youth sports, but nobody wants to coach a team.

Everyone wants to be invited to a party, but nobody wants to host one.

Everyone hopes their children learn good things at church, but nobody wants to teach Sunday school.

Everyone wants more civil, honest, and intelligent politics, but nobody wants to run for office.

Everyone wants to eat the “bread” of healthy communities, rich experiences, and a strong society, but nobody wants to make it.

Of course, I’m using “nobody” rhetorically — there are a few hearty souls who do take the initiative in creating the things that they, and others, enjoy consuming. But the number of would-be consumers vastly outweighs the number of creators. The 20% who volunteer, host, and organize cannot make enough bread to feed the 80% who say they’re hungry for it. There are too many people who wait for and expect someone else to step into the breach.

But we should be that “someone else.” In a world of endless takers, we need more committed bakers.

The post Sunday Firesides: Against Little Red Hen Culture appeared first on The Art of Manliness.

Sunday Firesides: Against Little Red Hen Culture published first on https://mensproblem.tumblr.com

[healthnotion]

How to Be a Better Dad When You Travel for Business

Before you have kids, taking business trips is no big deal.

When you leave, you don’t have to worry about people missing you. Maybe your wife is a little bummed, but she can handle it.

You can hop on a plane and hardly think about home at all.

But after children enter the picture, business travel becomes a bit more complicated. Now you’ve got little humans who love you, will cling to your leg as you walk out the door, and don’t really understand why you have to leave. They miss you when you go. And you miss them, too.

So what can you do to be a better dad while still fulfilling professional obligations?

Below we provide suggestions on how to handle business trips in ways that can promote more bonding with your kids, help you stay connected to your family while you’re away, and allow you to return home smoothly.

Pre-Departure

Tell your kids about the trip just a couple days ahead of time. Psychologists recommend not telling young children that you’re leaving too far in advance because it might make them needlessly anxious. There’s a chance they might stew on it all week and get themselves worked up about it. For older kids, you can tell them in whatever timeframe you want.

Explain how long you’ll be gone in terms they can understand. If your toddler is three years old and still doesn’t have a grasp of the days of the week, telling her you’ll be back Friday won’t compute. Instead, say something like: “I’ll be home in three sleeps.”

Research your destination with your kiddos. Use your upcoming business trip as a chance to spend quality time with your kids and teach them something new. Get on the computer and research about your destination: show them where it is on a map; see how far it is from your home; find out what the weather is like there; pinpoint famous landmarks.

Let your children help you pack. Another way to connect with your kids before you leave is to let them help you pack. You can ask them things like “What do I need to bring to Denver?” “How many pairs of socks do I need?” Let them put things in your bag, and use it as an opportunity to teach them how to pack a suitcase properly.

Leave some notes around the house. Before you leave, jot a few short notes and put them around the house so your kids can find them while you’re gone. You can put them in their lunch bags or under their pillows. (Mom might encourage them to leave notes for you in your suitcase/briefcase in return.)

While You’re On the Road

Video chat once a day at a set time. Thanks to technology, staying connected with your kids while you’re on the road has never been easier. Because it’s so easy, many traveling dads might be tempted to check in frequently. Resist the urge to do so. Frequent phone calls or video chats might be a disruption to the regular family schedule back home. Instead, establish a single set check-in time with your wife to do a family video pow-wow. A good time can be right before the kids start winding down for bed; there’s not much going on, and it’s not so close to their turning in that you risk getting them amped up right before it’s lights out.

What do you talk about when you’re on the video call?

Instead of asking them the generic “How was your day?” ask your kids specific questions like:

“What did you eat for lunch?”

“What was the funniest thing that happened to you today?”

“What was your favorite part of today?”

“What was something nice that someone did for you today?”

“What did you do after school?”

If your kids are older and doing homework, ask them about it and if they need any help. Maybe you can work on a tough word problem together via Skype.

Consider maintaining family bedtime routines. Some families with young kiddos will maintain family bedtime routines even when Dad’s away. He’ll video conference himself in to read a story, sing a song, or say prayers before his kids go to sleep.  

Personally, I find doing those sorts of things via the digital ether a little weird and awkward; I think that just as we don’t attempt to give each other hugs via Skype, life’s more intimate moments should be saved for times of face-to-face intimacy. But if it floats your family’s boat, go for it!

Document your travel with text message pics. While you should aim to do just one video chat a day with your kiddos, don’t hesitate to check in more regularly via text messaging. Send your wife pics of your trip to show your kids. My son, Gus, is obsessed with airplanes, so if I ever need to fly for a business trip, I’ll send Kate pictures of the plane I’m on to show him what it looks like. He’s also into hotel rooms, so I’ll send a picture of my accommodations as soon as I arrive.

Some families have a tradition where Dad brings his child’s stuffed animal with him on his trip and takes pictures of it in different places while he’s on the road. This could be a fun way to stay connected with your younger kiddos.

Mail them a postcard. If you’re going to be gone more than a few days, consider mailing your kids a postcard. Kids love getting snail mail. They love it even more when it’s from their amazing dad who’s jet setting for business.

Re-Entry

Bring home a cheap gift. Giving your young kids a cheap gift can be a fun business travel tradition. I still remember the pair of flight wings my dad got me from one of his business trips — the fact that they’re ubiquitous and free didn’t dampen my enthusiasm one whit! There’s no need to go overboard with this stuff. Something small and inexpensive will do: pins, patches, and snow globes make great return home gifts. Some little kids might even get super excited about pens, notepads, and tiny bars of soap from the hotel at which you stayed.

Respect the family rhythm. If you’re gone a lot or for extended periods of time, your family has likely established a rhythm that doesn’t involve you. Respect the rhythm. Don’t expect them to stop everything just because you’re home. As soon as you return, sync yourself to the established routine. Take kids to baseball practices, go run errands, do your family chores. Make your re-entry into the family as seamless and frictionless as possible.

Reestablish contact with kids individually. While you should do your best to integrate yourself back into the overall family routine, look for opportunities to reestablish contact with each kiddo one-on-one. This could be as easy as taking them with you on an errand and catching up with them while in the car. If they’re younger, play with them. It doesn’t have to be a big thing. Just be with them.

The post How to Be a Better Dad When You Travel for Business appeared first on The Art of Manliness.

How to Be a Better Dad When You Travel for Business published first on https://mensproblem.tumblr.com

[healthnotion]

How to Siphon Fuel

Gasoline is one of the most powerful resources around. With a supply of fuel, you can run cars, operate machinery, and power generators. You can start fires in the windiest, wettest conditions imaginable, run camping stoves, and even clean oil stains with it. For all of its benefits, there’s a reason why most apocalypse movies and television shows start with scenes of people scrambling to fill up at the gas station. The question is, what do you do when you can’t get to the gas station?  

Siphoning fuel is a critical skill, and it applies to any situation where you need to transfer liquids from one container into another. Siphoning works by creating a vacuum that initiates water flow from a higher point to a lower point. So, whether you find yourself siphoning fuel out of your tank to help someone who’s run out of gas in the backcountry, or you’re neck deep in a zombie apocalypse trying to keep your RV running, here’s how to siphon some fuel to keep you on the road. All you need is a container to siphon into, and enough hose to stretch from the inside of the car’s gas tank to your container.

Like this illustrated guide? Then you’re going to love our book The Illustrated Art of Manliness! Pick up a copy on Amazon.

Illustrated by Ted Slampyak

The post How to Siphon Fuel appeared first on The Art of Manliness.

How to Siphon Fuel published first on https://mensproblem.tumblr.com

[healthnotion]

Becoming More Deeply Committed to My Commitments

By Leo Babauta

How often have you half-assedly committed to something, but didn’t really put your entire being into following through on that commitment?

How often have you said you were going to do something, and then just dropped it because you were too busy or didn’t have the energy?

How often have you said you were going to change your habits … and then didn’t stick to it?

How many times have you said you were going to take a course, read a book, take on a challenge, start a new hobby, write a book, start a business … and then you barely even start on it (if you start at all)?

For myself, this all happens at an alarming rate. My commitments are often not even half commitments, they’re like quarter commitments. And interestingly, I’d say I’m better at it than most people! Maybe not the best in the world, but better at sticking to my commitments than 75% of the world.

And I suck at it, in many ways. I start a diet and barely last a couple days on it. I pick an exercise program and last 3 weeks. I buy a book and barely get a quarter of the way through. Over and over, my commitments fall like flies.

What if we could deepen our commitments?

What would it be like to be so deeply committed, we’d be unshakable? What would it be like to be the person who would walk through walls to meet their purpose in life? How much more would people trust us if we showed up fully every single time we commit to something?

Our lives could be transformed.

I’ve been meditating on commitment lately, and experimenting with it in my life. Looking at where I’m only half committed (or less), where I don’t really believe I’ll meet my commitments. And learning how to go deeper into that commitment. Or cut it out, if I can’t commit deeply.

Here’s what I’m learning about being more deeply committed:

Take away choice. When we’re only half committed, we keep the door open for other options. We think, “Sure, I’m going to stick to this diet, but … if I go out for dinner with friends, that’s different. Also family gatherings. And of course if there are donuts in the office.” That’s bullcrap. If we’re going to commit, let’s remove all possibility in our minds of doing anything else. There’s just this one option: doing your commitment.

Do it with your entire being. Going through the motions doesn’t count. If you’re going to do it, do it with your entire being. Show up fully. Put your whole heart into it. Or don’t do it at all. Only half showing up for other people is painful to them. The same with only half showing up for yourself.

Remember your deeper Why. You’re probably not taking your commitments seriously because you’ve forgotten why it’s so important. It’s just another thing on your endless todo list. Instead, remember the deeper reason you committed to this — maybe it’s to serve people you care deeply about. Keep them in your heart, and make this commitment the most important thing in the world, at least at the moment you’re doing it. Write out why you care so much about this commitment, and put that somewhere you can’t miss it.

If you aren’t fully doing it, ask what’s holding you back. Notice if you’re not really upholding your commitment, or if you’re only going through the motions. What’s stopping you from fully showing up? What’s getting in the way? There might be fear, or maybe you aren’t giving it enough weight and giving it the focus it deserves. Pause and be with this resistance or floppiness, and ask yourself what it would take to deepen this commitment.

Add commitments only slowly. Let’s face it: we want to do everything. And yet, this is why we can’t uphold our commitments — we’re overcommitting! Most of us should reduce our commitments (see next item), but once we get to a place where we feel we can add a new commitment … we should be very deliberate about the process of adding a new commitment. Meditate on it for a few days. Commit to it only for a week or two, so that you can see if you have room in your life. Once you feel good about it, add that commitment … but then don’t add others for a little while, until you’re sure you can add another.

Get out of commitments you aren’t going to uphold. Most of us are overcommitted — which means we can’t possibly meet all of our commitments. In this case, we should first see if there’s a way we can meet some of those commitments for as long as we said we would (work on a project for a month, for example), but then get out of them once we’ve fulfilled that commitment. That should be our first choice — do what we said we would, but then end it when we can. Next choice is to renegotiate the commitment if necessary — maybe we said we could do it for a year, but we can only do it for the next few months. Maybe we said we could do it every day, but all we’re able to do is three days a week. Let the person know, and apologize to them. Lastly, get out of the commitment if you can’t do either of the above. Again, apologize, but recognize that this is necessary if you’re going to fully meet your more important commitments. So this is a matter of prioritizing which ones you need to meet. But if you have to get out of a commitment, let that be a grave lesson in overcommitting yourself.

I write these not so much as advice for everyone else, but as advice for myself. This is what I’m learning, and it’s so important.

Becoming More Deeply Committed to My Commitments published first on https://mensproblem.tumblr.com

[healthnotion]

Practice Productive Procrastination

Typically, we think of productivity and procrastination as antithetical to each other.

We’re productive when we’re motivated and focused on working on what we consider to be our most urgent/important/difficult task. We procrastinate when we postpone working on that big nut. We can procrastinate actively (turning on the television instead) or passively (pretending like we’re still nominally in work mode by continuing to stare at our computer screen in-between checks of social media), but either way, we’re doing nothing, and we feel terrible about that. We beat ourselves up about it or try (unsuccessfully) to use brute force discipline to get back on track.

But there’s a better way of thinking about productivity and procrastination than seeing each as monolithic, conflicting states.

Instead of conceptualizing your productivity as this more linear thing that’s just focused on tackling your next biggest/hardest task, it’s better to think of it as a pie that you can nibble on from any direction.

That pie is filled with all the tasks — big and small — on your to-do list, and these tasks should be understood as falling into several tiers:

Tier 1: tasks that are the most cognitively demanding — hard decisions, challenging writing, boring reading, tough analysis, etc.

Tier 2: tasks that take effort, but not as much — administrative work, making appointments, answering emails, etc.

Tier 3: tasks that still require a bit of effort, but in terms of cognitive load are nearly mindless — cleaning, organizing, filing, paying bills, etc.

What normally happens is that if we can’t do a Tier 1 task, we procrastinate by doing nothing at all.

But if you’re having troubling getting going on your Tier 1 task, ask yourself if you’ve got enough mojo to work on things in either Tier 2 or 3 instead. Usually just because you’re not in the mood to write a research paper, doesn’t mean you don’t have the wherewithal to wash the dishes in the sink. If you’re stuck on creating a tedious report, can you answer outstanding emails instead?

Rather than viewing productivity as an all-or-nothing thing, and procrastination as its opposite — as a void — you can practice productive procrastination. Even if you’re not working on the task you initially set out to do, you’re still making progress on eliminating slices of your productivity pie. You’re still making progress on getting your life in order.

Rather than thinking about procrastination as a waste, think of it as preparation; procrastinating with Tier 2 and Tier 3 tasks can put you in a better position for cracking your Tier 1 nut. Lower level to-do’s may be small, but they can squat on a tremendous amount of mental bandwidth; it’s easier to get down to work on tough stuff when your home/office is organized, you know the bills are paid, your inbox is empty, etc. At the same time, knocking some smaller to-do’s off your list, can help you build momentum for tackling the big stuff.

So next time you want to take a break from something you’re working on, give yourself permission to do so; just remember to P.P.P. — Practice Productive Procrastination.  

The post Practice Productive Procrastination appeared first on The Art of Manliness.

Practice Productive Procrastination published first on https://mensproblem.tumblr.com

[healthnotion]

Podcast #502: Why You Should Talk to Strangers

Talking to new people can lead to making new connections and learning interesting things, and simply makes both you and the person you talk with happier. Yet many of us have a very difficult time striking up a conversation with strangers. Why is this?

My guest today has done studies to find out. Her name is Gillian Sandstrom and she’s a professor of social psychology at the University of Essex. Gillian’s research has explored both why people have such a hard time talking to strangers, and why it’s beneficial to do so. Today we dig into common barriers to talking to new people, including the “liking gap,” where we believe people find us less interesting than they do. We then talk discuss the benefits of talking to strangers (which go for both introverts and extroverts), and Gillian’s best tips for getting better at it.

Show Highlights

Why are people uncomfortable talking with strangers?

Do different cultures/places/situations have different norms towards talking with strangers?

The role of introversion vs extraversion in making small talk

The “liking” gap 

What’s really happening when a conversation goes poorly?

Why to keep giving random conversations a try, even if most are merely okay 

The benefits of small talk 

So how do you get started in this endeavor of talking with strangers? 

The power of compliments 

On following your own curiosity 

Resources/People/Articles Mentioned in Podcast

How to Make Small Talk

Why You Need to Embrace Small Talk

How to Initiate Small Talk

5 Questions to Never Ask

How to Make Small Talk With Strangers: My 21-Day Experiment 

Talk WITH People, Not AT Them

Vintage Secrets to Being a Good Conversationalist

Reclaiming Conversation

The Power of Conversation: A Lesson From JRR Tolkien and CS Lewis

The spotlight effect

The 3-Encounter Rule

Why and How to Offer More Compliments

Connect With Gillian 

GillianSandstrom.com 

Gillian on Twitter

Listen to the Podcast! (And don’t forget to leave us a review!)

Listen to the episode on a separate page.

Download this episode.

Subscribe to the podcast in the media player of your choice.

Recorded on ClearCast.io

Podcast Sponsors

Yousician. Learn the music that matters to you with the Yousician app. If you play or want to start playing guitar, piano, ukulele, or bass, it’s easier than ever to learn your favorite tunes. Become the musician you always wanted to be. Visit yousician.com/manliness to try Yousician with a 20% discount using code “manliness”.

The Great Courses Plus. Better yourself this year by learning new things. I’m doing that by watching and listening to ​The Great Courses Plus. Get a free trial by visiting thegreatcoursesplus.com/manliness.

The Jordan Harbinger Show. If you’re looking for another podcast to listen, with in-depth interviews with experts in various fields, check out The Jordan Harbinger Show. Episode 102 with behavior profiler Chase Hughes is especially impactful. 

Click here to see a full list of our podcast sponsors.

Read the Transcript

Coming soon!

The post Podcast #502: Why You Should Talk to Strangers appeared first on The Art of Manliness.

Podcast #502: Why You Should Talk to Strangers published first on https://mensproblem.tumblr.com

[healthnotion]

Your New Grab ‘n Go Breakfast: Overnight Oats

In your efforts to streamline your mornings, one of the first and best places to optimize efficiency is with breakfast. You want something nutritious and filling (and tasty!) — a combination which can be hard to cook and consume in a speedy manner. In the past we’ve covered make-ahead breakfast burritos and sandwiches, which can be frozen and heated up in a microwave. Today, we’re going to add to those options with overnight oats. These are, remarkably, even faster in the mornings. Just grab a jar out of the fridge, pop the top, and chow. You can even take it on the go if needed for a quick and easy breakfast at your desk.

The gist of overnight oats is rather simple: combine oats with a liquid and let it sit and soften overnight for a no-cook version of oatmeal. It can be enjoyed cold, especially in the warmer months, or can be heated up for a minute or two in the microwave if that’s your preference. The fact that it’s not needed though is a major boon.

The liquid is generally some sort of milk — the kind you use being up to you. On top of that, any variety of sweeteners, additions, and toppings can be added; from fruits to nuts to spices, the options really are limitless. You can be as simple or as gourmet as you like, and you can make some truly delicious creations.

The oats are good for about 5 days in the fridge before the texture gets a little funky, which means you can make a handful ahead of time, even prepping an entire work/school week’s worth on Sunday evening if you’re feeling particularly ambitious. It’s also something that could be whipped up in the morning for an easy lunch; the oats only really need 2-3 hours to be ready for eating.

One final note before jumping into the how-to: these are best prepped in a mason jar. Any tupperware would work, of course, but mason jars are preferable for a few reasons: 1) the super tight seal prevents any liquid leakage (not all tupperware does that), 2) it’s glass, which is just better than plastic anyway, and is especially good for re-usability and microwaving, 3) mason jars are an excellent shape for eating out of with a spoon; hold the jar in one hand, the spoon in the other, and eat darn near anywhere, and finally, 4) most mason jars have cup/ounce markings on the sides, making for super easy measuring without getting a bunch of stuff out of the cupboards.

While a lot of folks make these in 8 oz jars, I’ve found pint jars to be a better size for piling on toppings and for stirring without spilling over the edge. (They usually have 12 oz marked out on the sides and are 16 oz filled to the top.)

Base Ingredients

Oats. These should be standard rolled oats (like the big Quaker tub). Steel-cut may not be softened enough overnight, and instant will be too much so.

Milk. Theoretically you could just use water, but that’s not very tasty. Any number of milks will do depending on your preferences, be it regular (including lactose-free versions), almond, coconut, oat, etc.

Chia seeds. While not necessary, many recipes for overnight oats include them. There are a couple reasons for that: 1) while not very calorie-heavy, they’re little nutrition-packed bombs containing fiber, protein, and good fats, and 2) when immersed in liquid they add a nice pudding-like texture to your concoction.

Sweetener. Again, not strictly necessary, but adds some extra interest and flavor. 1-2 Tbsp per serving is common in the form of honey, syrup, brown sugar, etc.

Greek yogurt. Adds some tangy protein and extra flavor too; if you use flavored Greek yogurt, you can use that as your sweetener.  

Base Recipe

Most overnight oats recipes utilize a 1:1 ratio of oats to liquid. All recipes can of course be scaled up and made in a big batch to then be portioned out into individual jars. Below is the base recipe I like to use, though even the variations on this are many, as we’ll see below:

1/2 cup rolled oats

1/2 cup milk

1 Tbsp chia seeds

1 Tbsp sweetener of choice

1/4 cup Greek yogurt (if flavored, you probably don’t need sweetener)

1 Tbsp protein powder (if you want to really amp up the protein factor)

Simply mix all the ingredients in the jar until there aren’t any big clumps and put it in the fridge. You can either add some things to this base mix, or just top your oats the next morning. See below for more on that . . .

Additional Fillings/Toppings

You can literally put almost anything you can dream up into your overnight oats. Things that are already sort of mushy or where texture isn’t a factor — fruit, nut butters, spices (cinnamon, nutmeg), etc. — can be put into the mixture the night before (but don’t have to be). Things that you want to retain the texture and shape of — nuts, chocolate chips, bacon crumbles, etc. — can be added and stirred in right before eating.

Below is but a sampling of ideas for fillings/toppings, followed by some specific recipes that have been proven to be delicious so that you don’t have to experiment too much before finding something you love:

Any fresh fruit

Any dried fruit (including raisins, dates, etc.)

Any nut (often crushed/chopped, but not always)

Any nut butter (or Nutella!)

Bacon (cooked and crumbled)

Jam/jelly

Coconut

Chocolate chips (or cinnamon chips, butterscotch chips, etc.)

Spices (cinnamon, ground ginger, cardamom, nutmeg, etc.)

Cream cheese

Cocoa powder   

Pumpkin puree

Vanilla extract

Anything else!

A Few Recipes

As a general note, you’ll notice that amounts and base ingredients vary a lot from recipe to recipe. Everyone has different preferences, so just make the recipe as is first, then experiment from there.

Brownie Batter

Recipe from Fit Foodie Finds

Makes 2 servings

1 cup rolled oats

3 tablespoons cocoa powder

1 tablespoon chia seeds

pinch of salt

1/4 cup greek yogurt

1 cup almond milk, unsweetened

2 tablespoons maple syrup

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

First, mix dry ingredients in a bowl (through salt). Then add wet ingredients and mix again.

Place in the refrigerator, covered, for at least 2 hours or overnight. Serve cold.

Top with greek yogurt and fresh strawberries, if desired.

Maple Nut Bacon

Recipe from Just Eat Life

1/2 cup oats

1/2 cup low-fat milk

1/4 cup bacon, cooked and crumbled

3 tablespoons walnuts, chopped

2 tablespoons maple syrup

Pinch of ground cinnamon

Combine oats, milk, 1 tablespoon maple syrup, and cinnamon in a glass jar and leave in the fridge overnight.

In the morning, combine bacon crumbles, walnuts, and the rest of the maple syrup and top the cinnamon oats.

Peanut Butter & Jelly

Recipe from Ready Set Eat

Makes 2 servings

3/4 cup oats

3/4 cup almond milk

2 tablespoons peanut butter

1 tablespoon chia seeds

1/2 cup chopped fresh strawberries

1 tablespoon strawberry jam

Stir together oats, almond milk, peanut butter, and chia seeds in a bowl. In another small bowl, stir together jam and strawberries.

Fill 2 jars with half of the oat mixture. Top each evenly with strawberry mixture and remaining oat mixture. Cover and refrigerate. Top each with a small spoonful of peanut butter and strawberry jam just before serving, if desired.

Banana Nutella

Recipe from The Hungry Hutch

3/4 cup oats

3/4 cup almond milk

1 tablespoon flaxseed (or chia seed)

1/2 banana (sliced)

1 large spoonful Nutella

Stir to combine, cover, and refrigerate overnight. Top with more banana and Nutella if you’re feeling crazy.

Protein-Packed Peach Cobbler

Recipe from The Seasoned Mom

1/2 cup old-fashioned oats

1/4 cup plain Greek-style yogurt

1/2 cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk or other milk of choice

1 tablespoon sweetener (honey, stevia, sugar, or other sweetener of your choice)

1/8 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon almond extract

2 tablespoons vanilla protein powder

1 small peach diced

1/4 teaspoon cinnamon

Pinch of nutmeg

2 tablespoons crushed graham crackers

1 tablespoon chopped toasted pecans

In a small bowl, stir together first 7 ingredients (oats through protein powder).

In a separate bowl, toss together peaches, cinnamon, and nutmeg.

Place half of the oat mixture in a small bowl or a large mason jar. Add half of the peach mixture. Add the remaining oat mixture and cover.

Refrigerate overnight (or for a few hours) so that the oats soften and absorb the liquid.

Just before serving, top with remaining peach mixture, graham cracker crumbs, and pecans.

The post Your New Grab ‘n Go Breakfast: Overnight Oats appeared first on The Art of Manliness.

Your New Grab ‘n Go Breakfast: Overnight Oats published first on https://mensproblem.tumblr.com

[healthnotion]

Podcast #501: Zero to Hero: From Bullied Kid to Medal of Honor Recipient

As a boy, Allen J. Lynch was a severely bullied and aimless kid growing up in the industrial neighborhoods of Chicago’s South Side. He went on to serve in the Army, receive the Medal of Honor for the valor he displayed when he rushed to save three fallen comrades during a deadly firefight in Vietnam, and dedicate his life to helping his fellow veterans.

Today I talk to Allen about his story, which he shares in his recently published memoir: Zero to Hero: From Bullied Kid to Warrior. We begin our conversation discussing his childhood, when the bullying started, and how it affected his youth. Allen then shares the aimlessness he had as a high school graduate and how he carried it with him after he signed up for the Army, and at first struggled to adapt to military life. We then discuss how Allen ended up in Vietnam, the best friend he lost there, and the harrowing scenario that earned him a Medal of Honor citation. Allen then shares how receiving the Medal of Honor put him on a path of service in helping fellow veterans heal from the wounds of war. We end our conversation with a poignant discussion of Allen’s own battle with PTSD and how his motto of “others not self” has helped him deal with it.

Show Highlights

Allen’s post-WWII childhood, and why it was a magical time to be a young boy 

The influence of Allen’s father 

When Allen started getting bullied 

How his parents reacted to the bullying 

Why Allen enlisted in the Army, and how he ended up a “zero” there 

Why he then volunteered for Vietnam 

The story of Allen’s best friend Jerry 

The moment where Allen decided to go from zero to hero

On his receiving the Medal of Honor for what he did 

How Allen then went to work “earning” that Medal of Honor 

Allen’s personal experience with PTSD 

The story of Allen’s mantra “Others Not Self” 

Resources/People/Articles Mentioned in Podcast

My interview with Medal of Honor recipient Paul Bucha

The Era of Bright Expectations

My interview with Dale Dye about the mask of command

The Worth of War

Why You Need a Philosophical Survival Kit

A Field Manual for Life After Combat

What is an Article 15?

M203 grenade launcher

Battle of Tam Quan

Why Exercising in a Group Is the Best Medicine for Vets

Vietnam Veterans of America

Continuing the Mission of Service and Brotherhood

The Importance of Having a Tribe

Allen J. Lynch Foundation

Operation Support Our Troops — America

Listen to the Podcast! (And don’t forget to leave us a review!)

Listen to the episode on a separate page.

Download this episode.

Subscribe to the podcast in the media player of your choice.

Recorded on ClearCast.io

Podcast Sponsors

Vrbo. Struggling to find the perfect vacation home? You need Vrbo. They do the hard work for you — matching you to the perfect place to stay, every time. From condos to cabins, places with yards, grills or hot tubs, they’ve got it all. Search “Vrbo” in the app store to download the app today. 

Capterra. The leading free online resource for finding small business software. With over 700 specific categories of software, you’re guaranteed to find what’s right for your business. Go to capterra.com/manly to try it out for free. 

On Running. These shoes are so comfortable you won’t want to take them off. And they have a full range of shoes and apparel to power your full day, on and off the trail. Try a pair for 30 days by going to on-running.com/manliness. 

Click here to see a full list of our podcast sponsors.

Read the Transcript

Coming soon!

The post Podcast #501: Zero to Hero: From Bullied Kid to Medal of Honor Recipient appeared first on The Art of Manliness.

Podcast #501: Zero to Hero: From Bullied Kid to Medal of Honor Recipient published first on https://mensproblem.tumblr.com

[healthnotion]

The Habit of Calm When You’re Feeling Frustrated

By Leo Babauta

Someone recently asked me about getting frustrated when they feel overloaded, and then shutting down or lashing out.

“This has been something I’ve struggled with for most of my life. I had an instance today where I could have been more calm and rational about the situation but calm and rationality gave way to frustration and anger. I’m wondering what habits I can use instead to keep from falling into fits of anger.”

This probably sounds familiar to some of us. We feel overloaded, and then maybe lash out at someone in frustration and anger.

This comes from the hope that things will be calm, orderly, simple, solid, and under control. The world doesn’t comply with this hope, however, as it is chaotic, disorder, constantly changing, never fixed, groundless. So we get frustrated, angry at others, and feel anxiety.

So how do we deal with the frustration that arises? How can we create a habit of calm?

I’m going to share a series of practices that you can turn into habits. When you notice yourself feeling frustrated, instead of lashing out, practice the following.

If you practice them over and over, whenever you notice frustration, you will start to shift.

The first practice is to catch your habitual pattern as early as you can, and shifting by not allowing yourself to indulge in it. When you notice yourself getting frustrated and feeling overloaded, notice the urge to go to your habitual pattern (shutting down or lashing out), but pause instead of indulging it.

The next practice is to drop into the body. Again, pause, and let yourself take a breath. Drop your attention into your body and notice the sensations of frustration and overwhelm. Stay with these sensations, with curiosity. Notice how strong the urge to lash out feels, and just savor that strong feeling instead of acting on it.

Open up to it, relax around it, be with it. Love this feeling, if you can, or at least be compassionate with it. Once you practice this, you get more and more comfortable being in the middle of frustration, and you don’t need to relieve the feeling by lashing out. You now have more space to calm yourself and do the next practice.

The third practice is to use this newfound space to connect to the other person. Now, I understand that you might be angry at them, and so connecting to them is the last thing you want to do. Your heart is closed to them, because you think they are the problem. The problem is your closed heart. Try not indulging in that shutting down, and opening yourself a little. This is a challenging but transformative practice.

From this place, notice the other person — they are acting the way they’re acting because they are feeling some kind of pain themselves. Maybe they’re feeling insecure, anxious, worried about the future. Maybe they are hurt by something you did and are themselves lashing out in frustration. Well, you can understand that! You are feeling the same thing. In this way, the two of you are connected.

Maybe you’ve responded to their frustration with frustration of your own. Now you are suffering like they’re suffering. You are connected in this way, the same. Let this sameness open you up to them, understanding them in a more human way. They are not the problem, they are suffering like you are. You’re in this together. Now how can you work on this together?

The final practice is to try to find an appropriate, loving and compassionate response. You have empathized with the other person, but now you need to take action. The answer of what action to take is not always easy, but at the very least, you’re not responding from a place of anger, which is a place that gives rise to inappropriate responses like lashing out.

What is an appropriate, loving, compassionate response? It really depends on the situation. Some examples:

The other person is upset and going through a hard time, so you help them calm down, listen to their frustrations, offer empathy and compassion, and talk through a solution together.

The other person acted inconsiderately but perhaps was unaware of how that affected you, so you come to them when you’ve calmed down and talk to them compassionately about it, sharing the impact of their actions on you and asking calmly for a specific thing they can do in the future instead.

The other person is not willing to engage in a compassionate dialogue, and is set upon being a jerk. You can’t talk to them calmly, because they argue with everything. In this case, you might get a third party to mediate, like a couple’s counselor or a manager in your workplace.

The other person is abusive. You empathize with the pain they must feel in order to be like this. But you also remove yourself from the situation to protect yourself from harm. You try to help them get the help they need while being firm about your boundaries.

As you can see, there are many possibilities — many more than I can list here. These are just some examples to show that you can find a loving, appropriate response to the situation if you come from a place of compassion and calm.

In the end, this stuff takes a lot of practice. But it’s immeasurably more helpful to do these practices than to lash out, which hurts not only the other person, but yourself as well.

The Habit of Calm When You’re Feeling Frustrated published first on https://mensproblem.tumblr.com

[healthnotion]

Sunday Firesides: Eternity Is Now

The above quote by a 19th century clergyman speaks to the way a belief in eternal life can elevate and empower mortal life, offering strength, purpose, and a sense of divinely imbued identity and destiny.  

Brooks speaks from a Christian tradition, but his viewpoint is, ironically enough, quite Nietzschean.

One of the fundamentals of Friedrich Nietzsche’s philosophy was the idea of “eternal return,” in which he charged people to imagine living the entirety of their lives, just as they are living them now, over and over again for eternity. He believed that if you thought you’d have to relive every decision and mood an infinite number of times, you would take every single moment of your life more seriously. You would say “yes to life.” You would realize that “Being begins in every Now.”

The linear finitude of death, Nietzsche thought, was something of a cop-out, and he criticized Christians for attempting to escape the weight of the irreversible moment of the present by looking to the future — by contemplating their mansions in heaven. But there is nothing inherent to the faith’s theology that necessitates this “life-denying” attitude; in fact, if eternity extends forward and back to infinity, then there is no waiting for eternal life; you are living it right now. As St. Augustine said, “Your today is eternity.”

Regardless of one’s religion or philosophy, whether one approaches the issue from Nietzsche’s perspective or the Bible’s or another, every person could benefit from adopting this conviction, and using it to live more fully, more bravely, more nobly: eternity is now.

The post Sunday Firesides: Eternity Is Now appeared first on The Art of Manliness.

Sunday Firesides: Eternity Is Now published first on https://mensproblem.tumblr.com