#2) me + online friend we never met + that dude again

[castielsparkle]

oh my god this (being nosy and yapping w my coworkers) has made me realize i have been unknowingly part of several love triangles with that dude . again how did i miss this how does this keep happening i told you about the stairs bro

[khjswifey]

{Forever You Are My Star} [K.HJ]

Kim Hongjoong x Atiny!Reader

Idol Au, Long distance relationship au

After two long years of dating, you finally get to meet you boyfriend and at your favorite group's concert too! But hold on...the leaders voice sounds a bit familiar.

A/N: I hope you all enjoy my first fanfic! I want to continue this lil au, and possible make more for the other members! Let me know if you would be interested in that, Other than that:

Happy Reading!

Tags: @soobinshouseplant

𓂂 ♱⠀◌ ⠀◯ ⭑ ⸱ ៰ ͘ ࣭ ⠀𓂂 ♱⠀◌ • 𓂂 ♱⠀◌ ⠀◯ ⭑ ⸱ ៰ ͘ ࣭ ⠀𓂂 ♱⠀◌ •

“Hey Baby..”

“Hiii…”

A soft chuckle filtered through your phone speaker. 

“I’m sorry for calling you so late…”

“Joon, that’s completely fine, You know I stay up late anyways…”

You hear a sigh before he begins to talk again.

“Baby.?”

“Yeah?”

“You still live in (city name), right?”

“Yea, why do you ask?” You asked, curiosity/excitement lacing your tone. Your boyfriend chuckles at you, “Well, we’ll finally be able to meet!” You gasped in excitement, nearly falling off your bed.

You and your boyfriend, Joon, had been dating for about 2 years now, and yes it was a long distance relationship.

The two of you had met online through your art twitter. You did a lot of fanart of your favorite kpop group, Ateez, as well as tattoo ideas. The tattoo designs are what introduced you to your loving boyfriend.

He replied under one of your posts, interested in commissioning a design and it has been you and him against the world ever since. 

Yes, you don’t know how he looks, and he may have various different pictures of you, but you put all your trust in him and you highly doubted he was a catfish.

He always showered you with gifts, and always called you when he got the time to. He rarely showed his face, but you saw his desk and his work area.

You believed he was real and you were excited at the prospect of finally being able to meet him.

“I can tell you’re excited…” Joon started, “I am too..I can’t wait to hold you…” You felt your face heat up as you heard him mumble something in Korean under his breath. 

“What was that?”

“I said I can’t wait to hold you and have you whimpering underneath me, Jagi..”

You squealed in embarrassment as you slammed your phone on the bed. You heard him laughing at you before calling your name.

The two of you sat in silence for a little while after that, nothing but the soft clicking of your boyfriend's laptop coming through the speakers. He finally spoke up again with a little chuckle.

“Well…I bought you a concert ticket…” 

“Joon!”

“What? I thought it was a good idea since we both like concerts~!”

You only hummed in response, not having the time to argue with him tonight, your phone pinged and you sighed.

“I’ll see you in two days!”

“See you~”

Your phone hung up and you went to check your Ticketmaster account, your eyes widened,

You got the tickets! -

X1 Atiny VIP Ticket

My future husband: You’re welcome~

My future husband: I love you.

𓂂  ♱⠀◌  ⠀◯  ⭑ ⸱ ៰  ͘ ࣭ ⠀𓂂  ♱⠀◌ • 𓂂  ♱⠀◌  ⠀◯  ⭑ ⸱ ៰  ͘ ࣭ ⠀𓂂  ♱⠀◌ •

“Y/n, how do you know he will be there?’

“Don’t you think you’re being used..’

You groaned at your friend. “F/n. I don’t think a catfish would drop the money for this ticket like that. It was expensive.”

“So!? Maybe he’ll try to use a little money to kidnap you!”

You grew frustrated as you did your makeup. You had told F/n about what had happened and to make sure you were safe, she was coming along.

F/n was never supportive of your relationship, always judging you for ‘wasting’ your time on a dude that you are only just now meeting. But you also couldn’t blame her, girls did go missing when meeting their online boyfriends. But no matter how you tried to convince her, she wouldn’t listen to you. She didn’t even like Ateez! So she was basically wasting her money.

“What if he’s lying to you about his identity-”

“That’s enough, F/n!!” You yelled at her, finally snapping from the constant negative comments. “If you wanna come then come. But if you’re not going to shut the fuck up already!” 

F/n stared at you in shock. “How dare you? I’m trying to keep you from getting catfished!!” She yelled back and you rolled your eyes pushing past her, grabbing your bag. 

You got your keys and looked at her, “Find your own ride to the damn concert. Don’t bother being around me.” You said leaving her behind.

You were actually surprised she even still came to the concert. You glared at her and she gave you an apologetic look when she caught up to you. 

When you walked into (venue name), you beamed with excitement. Not only were you going to finally meet your boyfriend, you got to see your all time favorite kpop group!

It was refreshing to be around fellow Atiny, you chatted with several around you in the pit. You ended up getting real close from you leaving early. Your blood was pumping through your body when the lights finally dimmed. You screamed as you watched as the members of Ateez came onto the stage.

It felt unreal, it didn’t feel real at all. You couldn’t believe that you were finally here. A couple of songs had gone by when you finally found the time to let your boyfriend know where you were. But you were shocked to see a message from him around 2 years ago that simply said;

“Look at the stage.”

When you looked back up, you locked eyes with Kim Hongjoong, the leader of Ateez, your bias, your Ult bias to be exact. His eyes were locked on you as he introduced himself to the crowd. Your brain froze. 

When he spoke, his voice sounded familiar, and not just from you listening to music. No it was like you knew him on a personal level.

“F/n…” You said, capturing your friends' attention, concerned at your tone. “What’s wrong? Is it that boy?” She asked.

You looked back up to the stage, watching as Ateez prepared for their next set of songs.

“I think my boyfriend is the leader of Ateez..”

“...You mean as a joke right…?”

“....”

“...oh…”

𓂂  ♱⠀◌  ⠀◯  ⭑ ⸱ ៰  ͘ ࣭ ⠀𓂂  ♱⠀◌ • 𓂂  ♱⠀◌  ⠀◯  ⭑ ⸱ ៰  ͘ ࣭ ⠀𓂂  ♱⠀◌ •

“What do you mean you think your boyfriend is a member of Ateez!?” 

It was after the concert, and you were instructed by your boyfriend to meet him afterwards backstage. All you had to do was tell the security your name and they led you to where you were now.

F/n was very skeptical and was weary about leaving you alone, but after a while of convincing she finally left, making sure she had you added on Life360 just in case.

You stood there waiting, watching as various staff members worked around you. You were starting to think that he wasn’t going to come at all.

You looked down at your phone and sighed, turning to leave.

“Baby!” 

You whip around to find the owner of the voice, and lo and behold it was Kim Hongjoong. He was now dressed comfortably, makeup gone and a soft blush on his face with a lazy smile.

You smile wide and run up to him, nearly tackling him to the ground with a hug. He laughs and wraps his arms around you, holding you tightly as if you were going to vanish if he let go.

When he did let go, he pulled away a bit to place a kiss on your lips. You melted into his grasp only pulling away when you needed air from the male. 

The two of you looked at each other for a while. One half of you wanted to fight him for lying to you, but you knew he had his reasons, but the other was so happy that he was real and that he was not only your idol, but your lover.

“Hongjoongie…” You mumbled, hiding your face in his chest.

He chuckled as he held you close to him, “It’s so nice to hear you say my name…” He replied, finally pulling away.

When he did, he held your hands and swung them back and forth. He looked like a lovesick puppy, his eyes filled with love and adoration.

“Do you have anywhere else to go?...” 

“No not really…”

“Well…could you maybe come back with me?”

You giggle at his bashfulness, nodding. “Of course, You have a lot of explaining to do..”

Hongjoong smiles before pulling you along with him.

𓂂  ♱⠀◌  ⠀◯  ⭑ ⸱ ៰  ͘ ࣭ ⠀𓂂  ♱⠀◌ • 𓂂  ♱⠀◌  ⠀◯  ⭑ ⸱ ៰  ͘ ࣭ ⠀𓂂  ♱⠀◌ •

Hongjoong paid for your visit to his hotel room, not leaving until he made sure you were safely on your way.

When you got there, you finally got to meet the other members, it was surreal for you. Just yesterday you were catching up on missed content, laughing as you watched Ateez go about their antics. Now you are meeting them and apparently dating their leader.

To say you were nervous would be an understatement, you were nearly shitting bricks. 

But it actually went over well, Hongjoong introduced you to them one by one. You happily introduced yourself, shaking their hands until you got to Wooyoung, who had a smug grin.

“You’re really pretty. No wonder cap-” He was cut off by Hongjoong flinging something at him. You giggled at this as the rest of the evening with the boys went fine. It was spent with you explaining how you met Hongjoong, talking about how much you loved their music and how you really appreciated how nice they were being to him.

Later on, Hongjoong led you to his room, which you tilted your head at.

“I thought you guys shared rooms when you went on tour?”

“We do, the guys wanted to give us privacy though..”

You felt your face heat up as you walked over and flopped on the bed. Hongjoong then joined you, leaning his head on your stomach.

The two of you sat in silence for a while, basking in the silence before he spoke up.

“I’m sorry…” He started, moving to sit up, you moved to sit up at the head board. 

“Hon-”

“I’m sorry for not telling you who I was y/n…I was scared…” He admits and it hurt your heart with how he avoided eye contact. He sighed before finally turning to you.

“When I found out you were an Atiny..I got scared. I thought you were only gonna like me because of who I am on stage…” You watched him carefully as he continued. 

“I thought you weren’t gonna love me for me…So I hid it. It’s why I rarely showed my face when we talked. But when I saw your face…” Hongjoong reached over to cup your cheek, eyes misty. You felt your own tears welling up in your eyes, threatening to fall.

“Hongjoong…” You started moving closer to the male, your faces barely touching. “I’m in love with you…all of you…the Idol you and the normal you. Yes I may be an Atiny, but I love you. Not your career.” You say softly leaning on him. 

“I was worried…that you wouldn’t like me once you met me. That you would’ve thought I was a weirdo or that-mmph!” Your rant was cut off by Hongjoong kissing you, he pulled you into his arms, your eyes widened as he silenced you. They eventually fluttered closed as he deepened the kiss, only pulling away to hide his face in the crook of your neck.

“You’re always loved by me…I trust you y/n..”

A small smile ghosted across your features as the two of you stayed that way for a while.

You felt at peace knowing that you could now love both forms of him..

𓂂  ♱⠀◌  ⠀◯  ⭑ ⸱ ៰  ͘ ࣭ ⠀𓂂  ♱⠀◌ • 𓂂  ♱⠀◌  ⠀◯  ⭑ ⸱ ៰  ͘ ࣭ ⠀𓂂  ♱⠀◌ •

You were sad when you had to say goodbye to your boyfriend. One night was definitely not enough time for you to get all what you had to say to him off your chest.

And there was obviously a lot more that Hongjoong wanted to do, but that would have to wait for the next time you would meet.

So when you got home, you were watching through your concert footage when you got a notification.

‘Ateez_official_ has made a post’

You clicked it and felt your heart do a mini flip.

‘[#Hong_stagram] Forever you are my star ❤️’

It was a black and white picture of the two of you holding hands with the caption;

‘[#Hong_stagram] Forever you are my star <3’

𓂂  ♱⠀◌  ⠀◯  ⭑ ⸱ ៰  ͘ ࣭ ⠀𓂂  ♱⠀◌ • 𓂂  ♱⠀◌  ⠀◯  ⭑ ⸱ ៰  ͘ ࣭ ⠀𓂂  ♱⠀◌ •

[sweethoneyrose83]

90s-inspired dialogue prompts

"Dude, did you hear? The new Nirvana album just dropped. We have to hit the record store before it sells out!"

"I swear, if I don’t beat this level in Mario, I’m throwing the controller across the room!"

"You've got mail! Wait, hold on, my dial-up is still connecting."

"Why would you spend $50 on a pager? Just call me on my landline, duh!"

"Have you seen the new episode of Friends? I need to talk about Ross and Rachel!"

"I'm telling you, AOL chat rooms are where it's at. You can meet people from anywhere!"

"Whatever. As if! Like I’m gonna wear that to the mall."

"Let’s meet up at Blockbuster later. I’m thinking about renting Clueless again."

"I just recorded that new song off the radio onto my mixtape. It's going to be on repeat all day."

"Mom said we could use the car, but we have to rewind the VHS before we return it!"

"No way. I heard they're working on something called a DVD. I don't get it. Why change VHS?"

"The Tamagotchi is dying again. I don't know how many times I can save this thing."

"I just got my first Walkman. CDs sound so much better than cassettes!"

"We should totally prank call that radio station and request Backstreet Boys for the hundredth time."

"Okay, I got a quarter—I'm gonna use the payphone and see if anyone wants to hang out."

"I'm recording TRL later. I can't miss that new Britney Spears music video."

"What do you mean you don’t have a MySpace account? It’s, like, the thing right now."

"If my parents pick up the phone while I’m online, it’s going to cut me off. Don’t call the house!"

"I just burned you a CD with all the best songs from the radio. You’re going to love it!"

"If this Y2K thing actually messes up our computers, I’m never trusting technology again."

"Dude, you won’t believe what I just found at Blockbuster!"

"No way! Did they finally get 'The Matrix' in stock?"

"Why do you always hog the phone line? I’ve been waiting for my AOL dial-up for like, forever!"

"Chill out, I’m trying to finish this important call on my pager."

"Man, you’re dressed like you just walked out of a Nirvana concert."

"It’s called grunge, bro. You wouldn’t understand."

"I’m telling you, Tamagotchis are like, the future."

"Yeah, if the future is taking care of a digital pet all day."

"I just taped the season finale of ‘Friends,’ wanna come over and watch it?"

"As long as there’s pizza, I’m in. Could I be any more excited?"

"My Tamagotchi just died because I was too busy playing with my new Game Boy Color!"

"You need to get your priorities straight."

"Can you believe they canceled 'Saved by the Bell'? Zack and Kelly forever, man."

"Yeah, but the new season of 'Fresh Prince' is all that."

"I just bought a stack of CDs, now my Discman’s set for the road trip."

"As long as you don’t hit a bump and make it skip!"

"I got an email from this girl I met in a chatroom last night."

"Email? You should’ve just asked for her AIM screen name."

"I heard they're coming out with something called a DVD next year."

"Pfft, like that’ll replace my VHS collection."

At the Mall:

Character 1: "Dude, if we don’t get to the food court soon, I’m gonna pass out. I need a slice of Sbarro pizza, stat!"

Character 2: "Chill, we'll get there. But first, I’m grabbing this Nirvana shirt—Kurt would want me to have it."

Dial-Up Drama:

Character 1: "I was this close to beating my high score on Pac-Man, and then someone picked up the phone and killed the connection!"

Character 2: "Ugh, the struggle is real. Why do we even have one line for the internet and the phone?"

Movie Night:

Character 1: "Blockbuster was out of Jurassic Park again! I had to settle for Space Jam."

Character 2: "As if that’s a problem! Michael Jordan and Looney Tunes? That’s a classic, man!"

Mixtape Meltdown:

Character 1: "I made you this mixtape—front to back, all the jams you love."

Character 2: "Wait, you recorded over my TLC album? You’re gonna be scrubs to me forever!"

School Day Crush:

Character 1: "He passed me a note in history class! I swear, it's love."

Character 2: "Let me see that… it just says 'Wanna hang at the arcade later?' So romantic…"

First Cell Phone:

Character 1: "Dude, check it out, I finally got a cell phone!"

Character 2: "That’s not a cell phone, it’s a brick! You gonna carry that in your backpack?"

The Internet:

Character 1: "I just spent an hour downloading one song on Napster. Totally worth it."

Character 2: "Better hope the FBI doesn’t show up at your door. They take that stuff seriously."

Fashion Emergency:

Character 1: "What’s up with the butterfly clips and platform shoes? Are you going for the full Spice Girls look?"

Character 2: "You say that like it’s a bad thing. Girl Power is forever."

After School TV:

Character 1: "Hurry up! Fresh Prince is on in like five minutes!"

Character 2: "Not until I’m done watching Sailor Moon, this episode’s a big deal!"

Computer Lab Chaos:

Character 1: "Why does this computer keep freezing? I’ve got to finish my PowerPoint for tomorrow."

Character 2: "You’re probably running too many programs. Close Oregon Trail before you get another 'Your ox has died' message."

[nutzworth]

reading again so soon?

DAY 8: APRIL 22, 2024

STATS: read for 1 hour and 20 minutes pages read: 1683-1903. 220 pages. NICE! slur count: 13 + 0 = 13 silly count: 13 + 0 = 13 piss count: 2/3

THOUGHTS: today was largely uneventful but we did get to [s] shut up and jam

today john went through gate 2 and saw rose sleeping and i literally cant believe how unreal he was about it all. i mean yeah its JOHN EGBERT but come on you crash land in your wonderful friends house and you dont even wake her up or wait to say hi. whats your problem dude. he was really devious about the whole thing (pestering kanaya under roses name; snooping in roses books; pranking her by putting a bucket on her ajar door).

what IS a realistic interpretation of how i would interact with my online friend if i met him in real life is how rose and dave interacted for the first time on derse (which includes shut up and jam). imagine as follows: 1. i lean mischievously on your window sill. i throw a ball of yarn at your head and you wake up. hello. its me from the internet 2. you show me your awesome music gear and we dance and its awesome 3. i throw your creepy puppet out that has been giving you nightmares for like ever 4. you show me your computer. apparently our mutual friend is at my house. huh! 5. i disappear like yeah i would do that. rose is awesome

and of course the john (under the guise of rose) and kanaya conversation. i think its hilarious that was never explained and i like to believe none of them know any wiser except for john. kanayas like wow that was a weird first convo with rose haha and rose probably knows what happened to be honest. but kanayas left in the DARK. i love her. WE SAW SOLLUX TOO! kanaya is so cute. i literally love her. hassling sollux "You Used To Like To Talk More" fr girl. "I Dont Have An F1 Key" and then she throws it at his head. shes so awesome. ohh my god

another thing i was thinking about this session was hussie's use of tone. there were a few instances the tone was like crazy and they are as follows 1. john discovers roses gift for his birthday and reads the note. its like hes goofing off and is like "ok. im gonna look in the box now." and then theres this panel of the knitted con air bunny and its silent. and then he reads roses sentimental note. and its silent. and then he SLAM DUNKS THAT BUNNY BACK IN THE BOX!!! BOO YAH!!!!!!!!!!!! i guess it shows how john buries his feelings. no time to feel good! need to DO SHIT! 2. when john is ectobiologizing. and exploring the lab. its so... desolate. so disconnected. so silent. "A meteor ahead looks unnoticed." its like. it really sets a mood. its really. clinical. vague. abrupt. its SOMETHING. i really like it. especially for john. it fits him

rose and daves alchemizing parties were this session and they were only ok. daves is full of bangers like the brain in a jar and the swords and tuxedos. roses was just ok

[S] WV: Rise up IS SO COOL!!!!!!!!!!!!! COOLEST FLASH EVER! I LOVE THE CARAPACIANS! i love to see his revolution its so awesome. ohh my god. its got beautiful music and beautiful frames its all so good. i love unity and revolution

complacency in the learned was pretty ok. rose is a great writer it sounds like wizardy herbert but more wordy though. which is pretty much what it IS. so whatever

i think thats it. i want to put some panels that i really liked in here cus there were a lot of beautiful ones so here goes. act 4 is so beautiful probably the most beautiful act. ok bye

[oliviahallwriting]

Chapter 7

Less than an hour after Tom returned to his dorm, Laura texted him.

Did you figure out the “flowers” part of the email?

Laura

He rubbed his eyes and groaned. If he didn’t reply, maybe he could lay down for a while. Between meeting Laura and attending both of his classes, the day had been more exhausting than usual.

His phone lit up again.

Because I think I’ve cracked it.

Laura

Tom sat up, more alert.

Yeah?

Tom

Yeah, there’s a professor named Dr. Florence. Florence, flowers. You get it.

Laura

I’ve met him. He’s an asshole.

Tom

Maybe he’s the ‘thorns’, then, and his wife’s the rose. 

Laura

?

Tom

She’s a social worker in the city around campus. Thiry, forty-five minute walk away.

Laura

Oh. Good find. We should talk to her.

Tom

Yeah. Day after the party, if you're free. It’ll end later than her work hours, I’m sure.

Laura

Why not tomorrow? Get it out of the way?

Tom

Sure. I’ll meet you at Comel, same bench as earlier. 2 pm, if that works.

Laura

What about Armitage instead?

Tom

The design building?

Laura

Yeah. Have a class there right before.

Tom

You design?

Laura

Yeah. Larch.

Tom

Huh. That’s cool.

Laura

Tom looked back over the conversation and flipped his phone over. He rested on his side and gazed at the wall, where he’d tacked a few pictures of his family and his high-school buddies.

Hopefully that group was doing okay, Tom thought. He hadn’t spoken to any of them since high school, and rarely checked the group chat that one of them, Liam, had set up ages ago.

Maybe that made him a bad friend, he thought, wincing. Not that they would mind much. It wasn’t like he was close with any of them, despite a few interesting occasions, pool parties in middle school, hotel rooms after game tourneys, and a few other, sporadic moments when any or all parties were riding a flight of alcohol or a crash of adrenaline. They were those seldom-sober moments he remembered, untainted by the plague of self-consciousness and meanness that struck them all in high school.

Thoughts of good times brought Tom to pick up his phone again and check in on his friends’ group chat. Two of them, Liam and James, were online and in the middle of a call, so he joined in.

“Oh, hey, Tom,” Liam said. He was Tom’s closest friend from high school. They’d met in freshman year history bonding over the worst teacher either had ever had.

“Hey,” Tom replied.

“Ay, yo, dude, what’s up?” asked the other one, James.

“Not much,” Tom replied. Everyone’s camera was off, which was fortunate. He’d never been good at hiding facial expressions.

“Liam got a girlfriend,” James said. “She’s hot, too. We’re all jealous.”

“Yeah,” Liam said. “She’s great.”

“Since when?” Tom asked. He wasn’t particularly surprised; Liam had had four girlfriends in as many years. Their high school’s buzz claimed that Liam was the hottest of their group of six, but also, by the end of senior year, that he wasn’t ‘boyfriend material’. After all, he’d broken up with all four girlfriends on bad terms. What terms Tom never asked and never learned.

“Two weeks since I started college,” Liam said.

“And you didn’t tell me?”

“It was in the group chat,” Liam replied. “It’s not my fault you didn’t check. And you haven’t made it to any calls in the past couple months.”

“I’ve been busy,” Tom said. “With school and stuff.”

Liam made a hum of acknowledgement and dropped the subject. 

Tom hopped on his console and joined the game they were playing. Competitive chatter dominated the rest of the conversation. A few months ago, Tom wouldn’t have minded, but he found himself growing increasingly bored. Jun was a more fun opponent. At least he had things to say; now, he might as well have been playing single-player, or crack open some of his textbooks.

“So, what’s new with you guys?” Tom tried, between round losses.

“Classes are good,” Liam replied. “English is cool.”

“English Lit, right?” Tom asked. He’d vaguely recalled Liam telling him something similar, a year earlier, when college apps were due.

“Yeah,” Liam said. He didn’t elaborate. Didn’t Lit majors love to talk? Vanessa, at least, had liked chatting.

“Why do you like your classes?” Tom pressed, feeling, somehow, that even such an innocuous question would be nosy.

“I dunno,” Liam responded, with a tone that gave the impression of a shrug. Exhilarating.

“I made out with an English major at a party a while ago,” Tom said. He wasn’t trying to brag. Honestly, it wasn’t even his favorite topic of conversation, but it was better than nothing. It wasn't like he could talk about the email he’d received; they’d think he was nuts.

“No shit?” Liam asked. “You bag her?”

“Sure,” Tom said. He immediately regretted his choice of topic. Even the nothing from before would be better than this.

“You did or you didn’t,” James interjected.

“Yes, I did,” Tom said. “Since you’re going to be an asshole about it.”

“Chill, dude,” Liam said. “You brought it up. No need to get defensive.”

“Yeah, you said it,” James reiterated, before changing the subject back to their game.

Tom didn’t reply. He felt a little uneasy. Saying he kissed someone at a party shouldn’t have implied anything.

After a while, Liam asked him if he was feeling okay, since he hadn’t said much. A few minutes later, when the round ended, Tom made an excuse to leave, that he was going to eat dinner with friends from the dorm. 

He powered off the console and flopped back on his bed. So that was why he fell out of touch with those guys, he thought, and picked up his phone again.

What are you up to?

Tom

😀 Not much. You?

Jun

Taking a break from studying.

Tom

Oh yeah? 🤔

Jun

Yeah.

Tom

I was thinking about going to the pharmacy around the corner before it closes, if you want to come with? 👀

Jun

Oh, sure, I’ll come.

Tom

Meet you there in fifteen?

Jun

Cool.

Tom

Fifteen minutes later, Tom leaned against a wide stone column in front of the pharmacy. Three minutes passed before he spotted Jun a few blocks away. He watched, amused and unseen from his column, as Jun power-walked across the opposite street. There was a slightly rigid quality to his movements, Tom noticed, even from several yards away; a kind of self-consciousness that hadn’t existed when it was just the two of them in his dorm. 

“You nervous or something?” he asked, emerging from the column when Jun was close enough to see.

Jun all-but jumped into the air. Tom laughed, and then felt a little bad for laughing, so he coughed.

“Oh!” Jun said, and then gave an amused little huff. “Yeah, I don’t know. Strangers kind of stress me out.”

“That sounds like an obstacle,” Tom replied.

“I have to give a lot of interviews,” Jun replied. “And it’s not really a problem. I tell myself that the most they can do to me is, like, shout or insult me or whatever, and it helps a lot. It’s a lie, of course. Hate crimes exist.”

Tom blinked hard. Jun was fun to talk to, but he needed to work on his transitional phrases; the whiplash was severe.

“What?”

“I mean, not to bum you out. They’re really not that common, and I’m not in one of the most targeted groups or anything.”

Tom thumped his shoulder. “Probably nothing,” he said. “Though I’m sure if you got super jacked, you’d see even less.”

“Less than nothing?”

“Yeah. Uber-nothing. Hyper-nothing, which is the name of my techno-grunge band’s first album.”

They moved into the store and slowly started to browse the aisles. 

“I guess I was also kind of nervous because I’d just been on a call with my parents,” Jun said.

“Oh, yeah?” Tom asked. He hadn’t heard anything about Jun’s family, other than that his parents both existed. “How was that?”

Jun shrugged.

“Okay, I guess. I don’t know, man. I feel like I’m always on my toes with them, and it doesn’t help that they call me every other day. I mean, I get it, only child and all, but it’s too much time. Sometimes I research random subjects the night before just to avoid dead air.”

Tom nodded. “I get you,” he said. “I feel like most of my conversations nowadays are kind of, I don’t know. Forced. Not with you, though.”

Jun smiled and turned to look at some of the stuff on the aisles. A section of the aisle was encased in plastic and locked, with a sign reading “SEE SALES ASSOCIATE”. 

It took Tom a moment to notice that the guarded wares were boxes of condoms. He felt the heat of a blush come to him, and prayed that Jun wouldn’t notice his obvious embarrassment.

“Oh, fun,” Jun said, gesturing to the condoms. “Speaking of which, do you ever get phone calls at terrible times? Like, when you’re really, uh, busy? I swear my parents pick the worst times to call.”

Tom choked on his own spit.

Jun chortled meanly, which felt both a little too cutting and somewhat out of character. 

“Prude,” he said. “I thought you should know that, legally, you have to let me know if you’re an evangelical.”

“What? No. And am I not allowed to be embarrassed when my friend is publicly horny?” “No one’s paying attention,” Jun said. “And I’m not being that horny.” “You were staring at me in the gym,” Tom said. “And now you’re talking about this in a store?”

“What am I talking about?” Jun asked. His inflection was innocent, but there was a daring fire in his eyes. 

“Don’t make me say it,” Tom replied, with a sigh.

Jun paused a second longer. When it was obvious that Tom was serious, he raised an eyebrow.

“Huh,” he said, finally. “Okay.”

The next little while held an odd sort of tension. Tom had the impression that Jun was simply too polite to ask what was on his mind. It wasn’t like he needed to explain anything further.

The moment passed when they reached the cereal aisle. More accurately, it was the cereal section of the snack aisle. Jun picked up one of the sweet ones.

“My parents don’t keep this one in their house,” he said, breaking the air. “But it’s on the bottom of my hierarchy of needs. You know, Maslow’s. Air, water, rest, Cinna-bomb Twists.”

“You need milk or something, too?”

“Lactose intolerant, unfortunately,” Jun said. “I scarf cereal dry, by the handful. And before you say that that makes me a gremlin, well, first of all, rude, and second of all, agreed.” 

“You said it, not me.”

“And you won’t, if you know what’s good for you,” Jun replied, giving Tom a playful punch to his shoulder.

They walked down another aisle. This one was full of shampoos and other shower products.

Tom noticed, in the lull of conversation, that the store’s loudspeaker was playing an advertisement, a basic little run for some kind of cologne. When he’d worked for that sporting-goods store over the summer, his coworkers had only used the loudspeaker to call employees to the back. Apparently, the company’s research and development team found that interrupting customers as they were shopping with janky, static-filled audio tended to be counterproductive. Truly a work of research genius. 

“Wait,” Jun said. “I have to know. What do you use?”

“What, like, in this aisle?” Tom asked, before gesturing to one of the bottles of 3-in-1.

“No. Absolutely not.” “But it does three things,” Tom defended. “You don’t need another product. Pretty sure you do the dishes with it, too.”

“You’re making me sad,” Jun said. “At least use a different shampoo.”

“But it’s fine,” Tom replied, though Jun’s certainty was making him doubtful. “Otherwise they wouldn’t sell it.”

“Marketing,” Jun said simply, “is a monster. You know how many millions were spent making you think that three-in-one works?”

“Okay, mister haircare. Why doesn’t it work? Because the alternative is buying three different products when one works just as well.”

“Well, use your mind. Your goals are to clean the oils and dirt from your hair and body, which, admittedly, you can sort of interchange, in that you can clean your skin with shampoo if you really want. But like, you don’t want to add oils to your hair by using a product that also takes them away. At best it’d be a little uneven.”

It made some sense, Tom supposed.

“So, what should I use instead?”

“Any shampoo that you like the smell of, like one of these really masc ones,” Jun said. He gestured to a section of the aisle where every product was a shade of black or silver.

“What if I want a shampoo that has a color on it?”

“You can’t,” Jun replied without hesitation. “Big Haircare thinks that colors make you gay. Why else would we use a rainbow?”

Tom chortled and scanned the aisle. When he looked back, Jun was holding a body wash to his nose.

“It’s mango coconut,” he said, before he clicked the lid open and sniffed the contents.

“I don’t believe you,” Tom said, but he couldn’t hide a grin. “Are you even allowed to do that?”

“Honestly? No idea. I sniff the candles, too, but everyone does that.” “They really don’t. Sorry to break the news.”

“They do, but whatever. Here, smell it.” Jun passed the body wash to Tom. It impressed, on the nose, a delightful Tahitian fruit bouquet.

“It’s nice,” Tom replied, before Jun passed another bottle to him.

“Here, try this one,” he said. “The loudspeaker keeps peddling it. Pretty sure I’ve seen TV ads for it, too, or at least, its cologne version.”

Tom smelled the body wash and immediately wished he hadn’t. The scent, Impulse, was strong enough to make him cough, and was somehow both minty and musky. There was something disturbingly, falsely sweet in it, too. He recoiled and passed the bottle back.

“Ugh,” he said. “I can’t imagine anyone buying that. Especially not the cologne, if this is the weaker version.”

Curious, Jun smelled the thing before Tom could stop him. His nose wrinkled, and he fumbled the bottle. 

“God in heaven, that’s rancid. I don’t know how it’s apparently selling out,” he said, gesturing to an empty stack in the aisle.

Tom tried a few of the brand’s other scents, and they were all significantly more appealing. He even smelled another Impulse bottle, in case the first one had gone bad somehow, but they smelled the same.

“I guess there’s no accounting for taste,” he said, though Jun was already striding away from the aisle, towards the pharmacy. “You’d think they’d stop advertising something that was already selling out.”

“I’m over it,” Jun said. “My nose has to recover.” He got his meds and met with him at the cash register, where he chatted with one of the sales associates. Apparently they were part of the same A/V club.

Tom glanced at Jun’s credit card and took out his own wallet.

“Don’t even think about it,” Jun said. “I’ll pay for your stuff too. You spotted my gym stuff earlier, remember?”

“Oh, right.”

“But I would’ve paid anyway,” he continued, without missing a beat.

“That’s nice of you,” Tom said. He felt warm.

They returned to campus.

“Unfortunately, I already had dinner,” Tom said. It was true that he’d eaten a microwave burrito from his mini-fridge on call with his high-school guys. Calling that “having dinner” was a stretch, but it was technically true.

“Okay,” Jun said cheerfully. “I’ll hold you to it.”

Chapter

Armitage Hall was spacious, with pine rafters and a gorgeous second-story balustrade. A few dioramas in clear plastic lined the hallway walls. Master’s students, Tom decided. The pretentiousness of their written descriptions gave it away.

A modest library welcomed him at the end of the hall. A few students sat inside, laptops and notes open in front of them. The chairs were visibly more stuffed than the sad lot in the main library, though that spoke more to the administration’s priorities. The huge, main library had to look grand and appealing for the touring high-schoolers, but it was the small, major-specific libraries that were actually comfortable. And, Tom supposed, the Quirby.

Five minutes of aimless browsing passed before La Marschiena chimed two. The belltower, only blocks away, thundered loud as a gong. Tom looked up, startled, and was startled further to see Laura suddenly in front of him, even before the final reverberations. She was a specter, Tom thought. A goddamn ghost!

“You’re punctual,” he said, needlessly.

“I’m efficient.”

“Do you teleport to class, too?”

“Maybe you’re just slow,” Laura replied, shaking her head. “Too busy learning the layout of a building to know how to walk through it.”

Tom laughed and gave her a little nod of acknowledgement. Maybe he’d gotten off on the wrong foot with her.

“Oh, speaking of routes. You said you found Mrs. Florence’s address?”

“Yeah,” Laura said. “I also looked up Kiyana’s socials for you. I figured you hadn’t yet.”

Shit, he had meant to do that.

They found a secluded set of padded chairs in the library’s Architectural History section. Laura showed him her phone, opened a social media app, and started to scroll a few months back. Photos of another college glanced back at him; apparently Kiyana had transferred from an out-of-state four-year. Mostly, though, Kiyana’s timeline was full of pictures of Loftman State. Lab equipment, artfully arranged on clean desks. Elegant cursive and aesthetic highlighted notes. Football stadiums and cheering fans, starting in the fall. There were tons of them; she must’ve posted at least once per day.

“I don’t see anything weird,” Tom said. “Her taste is actually kind of basic, if you want my opinion.”

“You didn’t notice? Well, see that it starts very, for lack of a better term, ‘light academia’,” Laura said, gesturing to the pictures Kiyana had taken over the summer. Clean science labs, well-organized notebooks, milk tea, cocktails. Beach volleyball and soccer, since the football season wouldn’t have started yet. A blonde woman kept showing up in her pictures, too; probably a best friend. “And she posted frequently, every day or so. But, starting a few weeks ago, her posts changed. This was around when you said you got that message from your grandmother.”

Laura kept scrolling. More pictures of food, more selfies. Kiyana showed her face more in videos, judging by the thumbnails. There were a few couple-y photos of her and the blonde, including a few where they were kissing. Girlfriends, then.

“The videos are mostly rants about how much pressure she’s in,” Laura said. “She’s had some mental health stuff recently.”

“That’s pretty normal,” Tom said. “Fall term, tough subject. Maybe some seasonal affective shit, too.”

“I don’t know, this was pretty intense,” Laura continued. “And she wasn’t specific about any of it.”

“Did you watch the videos? All of them?” Tom asked. There had to be at least a few hours’ worth of footage.

Laura nodded.

“Wow, thanks,” Tom replied. He’d definitely been too harsh on Laura; she’d done more work for this than he had. And watching a few hours of someone apparently on the edge didn’t sound like a fun way to spend an evening.

“She hadn’t filmed any of those videos until week eight or so of the fall term,” Laura said. “She’d had two summer classes, and was the T.A. for two more, which would stress anyone out, but we didn’t really see that with her previous posts. So this is definitely a break from what we’d expect.”

“Sometimes these things just happen,” Tom said, with a frown. What Laura was doing felt intrusive, even though it was public information, and she was trying to get to the bottom of his little mystery. “Maybe we should leave her alone. You don’t really need a reason to be sad.”

“Well, I would, but now I think she’s part of it,” Laura said. “Also, it doesn’t really feel normal to me. Normal sadness, I mean. Or even depression, which you think is normal and I don’t. We’ve gone over this before. But it’s neither of those.”

“Bold claim,” Tom said.

“Watch,” Laura replied. She tilted her phone to him again. From the video, it looked like Kiyana was about a foot away from the camera.

“Y’all, I can’t do this,” Kiyana said, through the video. She was crying, and the emotion was stark in her voice. “I should probably talk to someone. Jennifer says I should, but it’s not like I’ve told her what’s on my mind. I can’t! I can’t tell anyone! They’re after me and after her and, uh, chalk it up to me being paranoid or something, I guess. I just thought you all should know that I’m having some trouble, so give me your best wishes, your prayers, as this blows over. As they say, this, too, shall pass.”

Tom looked away from the screen, but the pain in her voice was tough to hear even without seeing her face. The video kept playing.

“Even y’all in the comment are gonna reply with ‘you can talk to me, I’m sure it’s not that bad,’ but you’re wrong. I’m losing my mind, y’all. Jen, bless her heart, is the only one keeping me going. Gotta push through. Just a couple more months and I’m out of this joint.”

Tom fought the catch in his throat and muttered “Yikes.”

“See?” Laura asked.

He nodded.

“Hey, are you okay?” Laura tried to catch his eye, but he quickly looked at the ground. “Tom?”

“I’ve been such a dick,” he mumbled. “Thanks for believing me.” Laura’s smile was soft. “I’d wondered if you’d be self-aware enough to admit it, and you’re welcome.”

“I was, uh, I was kind of desperate. Haven’t made a lot of friends.” He couldn’t find the words to continue for a while, but Laura was patient. “High school was different, I think. People surrounded you if you were mean.”

“I don’t know if it helps, but I don’t have many, either. Close ones, anyway.”

He finally met Laura’s gaze. If she knew he’d teared up a little, she didn’t say.

“Can you believe it?” she said. “Me, the weird science girl, like two friends? Why do you think I waited for you outside your class the other day?”

“I thought you were curious about the email,” Tom said.

“No, it wasn’t my problem then. Maybe it is now, but not then. You think I had anything better to do? I finally had an excuse to talk to someone outside of class. I wasn’t going to give that up, even if you were a dick at the time, and maybe a little unhinged.”

Tom listened to her, and realized that both Laura and Jun would like him better if he dropped the tough-guy thing. It wasn’t like he cared about how anyone else at the school saw him. His high-school friends weren’t worth keeping on the mask. He could drop them and appreciate that the moments he’d enjoyed their company wouldn’t come again.

They passed the opening to an ominous-looking walkway, a dark, stony path between several restaurants.

“Lovers’ Path,” Laura commented. “Ironic, since it’s a terrible place for a date.”

“Oh, yeah?”

Laura nodded. “The stone walls trap moisture, and there’s lots of chewed gum. You can walk through okay without hitting the sides, but no one bothers. Despite the efforts of some of our most ambitious frats, there’s not even enough there to be modern art, let alone a tourist destination.”

Tom squinted in disgust and moved a little quicker past the alley.

Eventually Laura led them from the architectural library to one of the streets heading away from campus. They reached a building, hidden within a business park and, then, down a walkway. Touched by both the mottled afternoon sun and the late-November cold, the walkway encouraged sweaters and coffee.

They reached a building after a few short moments, a stone-and-glass piece with a front-facing wooden sign reading “Loftman State Social Research and Support Institute”.

“Mrs. Florence works somewhere in here,” Laura said.

Tom took her word for it. He wasn’t sure he knew what social workers did, less so why they would work in what looked more like a research institute.

“You think he was her patient? Client? Whatever?” he asked.

“What?”

“Dr. Florence,” Tom explained. “Do you think they met here, or do you think it was a collaboration between this place and Loftman’s science department? Or do you think she wanted to learn more about evolutionary biology?”

Laura blinked hard and walked slower.

“Why would that matter? You’re so nosy,” she said, but it didn’t sound mean. “Is this what you think about?”

“Only because the message implied that the two were a pair, and that we need one of them,” he replied. “Unless you forgot.”

“How could I? You mention the message, on average, once an hour. I counted.”

“Excuse me for trying to gather clues.”

“You’re excused,” she said. “Actually, it’s kind of nice to see you get so passionate about this.”

Tom paused in front of the facility to press a metal button on a nearby post. The glass doors opened inward.

The receptionist knew who Mrs. Florence was and directed them to a solid wooden door. The words “Anne Florence” were painted on an adjacent wooden panel. Tom knocked and heard someone, presumably Mrs. Florence, call for them to come in.

Mrs. Florence looked to be fifty, give or take a decade. Nothing much unusual about her, Tom thought, nor her office. Not that he knew what he should look for. Maybe it was suspicious that she was middle-aged, or had a coffee maker. Or, perhaps, that she had a pride flag on the wall— the updated one, with the trans colors—or a zen garden sand tray on her desk, inlaid with delicate, rake-drawn patterns.

Lura introduced them both. Neither of them had considered using a false name, and, when he realized, Tom shifted in his seat. If Mrs. Florence was the “thorns” part of the pair, maybe it was trouble that she knew his name. BUt now it was too late, and Laura was asking her if she thought there was anything strange about her husband, or if she’d heard about anything suspicious in the science department.

“This would be the first I’ve heard about it,” Mrs. Florence said, and frowned. “Is there something I should know about?” “Mrs. Florence,” Laura started, “Have you heard what your husband’s students are saying about him?”

“Laura, what—” Tom interrupted, but Laura quieted him with a glance and continued.

“They say that his lectures have gone downhill over the past few months,” she said, and pulled up a website on her phone.

“My husband? You have the right Dr. Florence, correct? Michael Florence?” Mrs. Florence said. Then, she said, quieter, as though it were a long shot, “Because there’s a Dr. Fleur, but I suppose she’s in the psychology department.”

“I’m sorry, but yes, your husband,” Laura confirmed. “This website lets students comment on their professors. This is one of several students who complained about politics overwhelming the lessons.”

Mrs. Florence looked at the phone and started to scroll through the page. Tom was curious as to what she’d find; Laura hadn’t brought up the ‘politics’ angle to him before. 

After a few seconds, Mrs. Florence was glaring at the phone, her hands trembling.

“Please leave,” she said. “I refuse to believe what you’re showing me. My husband isn’t a, what are they calling him? A bigot? He’s anything but! I haven’t heard him say anything like that, let alone teach it to a class! And I’m pretty up-to-date with this sort of thing, for an old codger.”

Tom stood up. “Okay,” he said. “I apologize. I didn’t know what she was going to say.”

“I don’t even know where they got that from,” Mrs. Florence said, quiet to the point where it had to be unintentional. “I’ve been to his lectures before.” She looked up at Laura and Tom again, and, when she spoke, it was direct and loud. “I meant it. Please go, and don’t ask for me again.”

They left.

After a block or so, Tom turned to Laura. “Why did you say that? You had to know that’d make her mad.”

“It could have been relevant,” Laura said. “A few people were discussing the professor in the comments of Kiyana’a videos. Now, in retrospect, it probably wasn’t worth it, since it’ll be tough to get through to her if she turns out to have anything to say.”

Tom nodded. That part of the conversation had mystified him. He wasn’t sure whether or not to be frustrated at Laura for alienating one of their leads; it wasn’t like he’d thought to look at either Dr. Florence’s classroom ratings or Kiyana’s comments page.

The walk back to campus was cold, with an added bite from the few minutes they’d been indoors. They took a break to eat dinner at a burrito place down the corner from campus. Laura clearly enjoyed the chance to talk about other subjects. Apparently she had a, quote, “brick of a dog”, and lived with a few roommates only a mile or so from campus.

Tom noticed that her typical monotone delivery dropped when she talked about her dog. He’d assumed it was innate; curious.

Laura paid for the meal and reminded him of the party in a couple days.

“We were going to talk to Kiyana, remember?’

“Yeah. Maybe I can meet your dog or something before we go,” Tom replied.

“You’ll love him,” she stated, as if it were indisputable.”Everyone does.”

Tom tended towards cats, himself; most of them seemed to have a regal presence. Not that he’d met a lot of cats, or grown up with pets.

“See you then,” he said.

Laura turned and started to power-walk down the sidewalk, towards her home. The sun had set by then, leaving Tom to return to his dorm in the dark.

[delugedecade]

My (Not So Fun) experience with Baldur's Gate 3, so far.

So the whole idea of me getting Baldur's Gate 3 was playing it with friends. I have so far enjoyed playing DnD again after the DnD discord I was in got dissolved. I believed it would be fun.

Up until they wanted to play with mods. It became an infuriating experience re-download, reloading, failing to get these mods to work, specifically a No Party Limit mod.

So we finally got the mods to work.

In my own save, I have just met a guy named Withers, cool chill undead looking dude, did not have qualms with me taking his stuff.

I did not know how individualised the experience was. Sure, particular individuals could choose to rescue Shadowheart or the brain thing, that makes sense for it to be on a person by person case. But I thought, as with DnD, that major story beats would require us all to be present to act. But apparently it's not the case.

I have missed pretty much all story stuff past meeting Withers in the ruined monastery. Going to a gate and meeting Wyll, rescuing Karlach, reuniting with La'zael.

I could not catch up, because I was unaware that you had to warp out of camp and it didn't plop you back in the world after the long rest, no one told me about the listen in function and some decided to split to rescue Karlach by themself and almost die while the rest of us were dealing with, goblins, I think.

The next actual thing where all of us were present for was going down the well and fighting the warp spiders. Up until people were "having fun punting people down the hole" further up.

No one informed me that Feather Falling had already been cast, so I cast it myself and I think it cancelled out, so a few of us got downed jumping into the hole and I had to use my Revivify scroll to get Asterion back. Only to die myself so the others could get away from the minotaurs that were here apparently. It was not a fun first session.

The second session, just put us at some underground place with gnomes? Who killed a bunch of Dark elves and were trying to clear a cave in. No one caught me up to speed on how we got there, only that the boat ride only let like, one person on, despite also seeing the Cutscene for it.

Suffice to say, I have not had fun playing BG3 and I feel left out. I have made this clear to the two still playing at this session since the others weren't available.

A few other gripes

One of the two in that session is a whore for customisations, some of the mods we downloaded were hair options and a NSFW version of costume pack. She was not the best at explaining the story since she preferred creating Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy, and Team Aang over getting past Act 2 (I never even fucking knew there were acts Until she said she hadn't gotten past the act)

The other person, obsessed with Asterion, wants to get perfect scores with him, so he can be a dhampir as well. Just as bad at explaining, but we have fun playing Pokemon TCG in person and online.

I don't think I'll be playing BG3 much after this, unless I feel like joining a session with enough people.

Karlach do be indeed hot tho, glad the others let me party with the girls (Again, one person obsessed with Asterion, Customiser Girl was playing solo BC her IRL boyfriend wasn't on to play).

[mypointerfinger]

June 25, 2024, 1:45am

to preface, this will most likely be an on-and-off, up-and-down “blog” (if you can call disjointed thoughts that), so if this were to gather any attention on a whim, don’t look forward to a schedule. this is simply a way for me to rant.

i’m laying in bed and i’m listening to a playlist i set up to really plunge me into being upset. a lot of dreamy and beautiful music that helps me get worked up, cry, and then go to bed. i have work in 5 hours, but i’m always late, so more like 5 and a half hours.

i fucked everything up. honestly, only sometimes i feel like it’s my fault, other times i feel like people are weird, but tonight i just feel lonely. it’s been 4 years since i had a true group of friends i could hang out with in person, and we’re closing in on a couple months from losing my online friends. it’s not even like we grew apart, it was a very sudden removal of me from their lives. currently i have maybe 2 people i would consider true friends, one of them lives in Texas and the other just moved to New Jersey about an hour and a half away. the one in New Jersey i grew up with, but we haven’t spoken regularly in a long time. my friend from Texas is a guy i met online, but truly one of the only people i could ever say i trusted 100%. i wanna say i’ve hung out with him in person 3 times, maybe 4. it’s overwhelming when i say that because that’s basically the only times i’ve hung out with someone in person in the past few years. nowadays he’s pretty busy, he’s doing a lot better societally and monetarily than me as well so we don’t relate as much as we used to. i wish i could say i was as motivated as him but my biggest struggle has always been sloth. working a part time job and still being too tired to go in every day you’re supposed to is pretty impressive, right?

as a note, i’m just making separate paragraphs whenever i feel like my thoughts are getting to a new topic.

i feel like i have something special to offer to the world, but i’ve struggled to figure it out since i was a kid. truth be told, since about age 13 i thought i would grow up and kill myself before i got to college, and when you think like that for most of your conscious life, you don’t exactly plan for what’s gonna happen after you’re supposed to be dead. i take a lot of interest in the area, my grandfather was an architect and my mom owns an art studio so they’ve definitely influenced my hobbies. my problem, however, is analysis paralysis. i enjoy a lot of things but can’t dedicate myself to one of them. and not to be up my own ass, but i think i’m pretty good at making what i make, too. i’ve seen some success making gaming content but like i said, never dedicated myself to it. as soon as it started to pick up i just quit. the success thing doesn’t even matter to me right now, i just want to be loved.

i have it relatively easy. i live with my parents, bills are pretty nonexistent, and i could probably move out in a month if i worked enough and stopped buying stupid shit. and although i have it easy, being alone 99% of my time is fucking killing me dude. i have acquaintances online, just gaming buddies, but they don’t really know me. i want FRIENDS. i want people that really love me and can be brotherly or sisterly around me. i want to meet a girl, someone i can see marrying and having kids with. that’s my biggest fear, never falling in love again. i had a girlfriend before but it didn’t work out, and i don’t wanna talk about it. it makes music hard to listen to. i wanna reate to love songs, songs about heartbreak, but i haven’t felt any sort of feelings for anyone in so long now. i just want somebody i can even have a crush on, but my job is very secluded. i work with 6 or 7 people including my boss and his wife, the people there aren’t exactly people i’d usually associate with. there’s a dude in his 40s, an asian kid that wears clothes too tight and doesn’t shower, a girl that i don’t find attractive but tries to flirt with me, and a gay dude that is super shy. they’re just weird people, and i know this is coming from someone that’s complaining about being lonely, but i want to keep my circle strict. letting anybody in means i’m more susceptible to getting betrayed again. the last group didn’t even tell me why they cut me off, i just got blocked on everything one day with no explanation.

it’s been some of the most painful weeks of my life recently. i’m in my own head most of the time, i don’t have any distraction from myself. even at work, most of my time is spent sitting down waiting for something that needs to be done. i feel uncomfortable in every asset of life. there’s nothing i look forward to, nobody i want to be with, no one i could take on a date, nobody to look up to. the honest to God truth i haven’t taken myself out yet is only because my parents would be devastated. i’m a fuck up on every sense of the saying, and i know they know it, but i don’t want them to know i think that about myself. another one of my biggest fears is my dad’s outlook on his only son. i saw a TikTok about a dad that has a “loser son” and it was framed sarcastically, like the post was definitely supposed to be a funny skit, but it still hurt. i’m the loser. my dad played football, he was in the military, had a promiscuous life in his 20s, and owned his own shop for a few years. when he was my age, he was just buying his first house. i have 500 dollars in my savings account. it shatters me and embarrasses me that my interests are so stereotypically dorky. video games, storytelling, MMA, weird music, and cars. i know that he thinks i’m a fucking loser and it makes me feel like i SHOULD just get it over with and die. although i’ve demystified my parents, i still want to make them proud.

my previous relationship ended over a year ago, and she moved on. i still think about her every day. i don’t know if it’s spite, or anger, or whatever it may be, trying to let it go is hard. i don’t want anything long distance anymore. the last time i saw her was at her college. we hadn’t been able to get any privacy together before that and obviously we wanted to have sex. everything went fine, but both of us were virgins and she said it hurt too much when we tried, so she ended up crying and i had to comfort her while i needed to be comforted myself. the last thing i wanted was to hurt her, and the whole experience put me off of sex entirely. even though i still have a sex drive, i’ve gotten pretty nervous in any physically intimate encounter since then and ended up cutting it short. this Ukrainian girl and i had a little thing last September. i took her on a few dates, we kissed on the 2nd date, and the 3rd date we saw a movie. during the whole movie we were cuddled up with the arm rest pushed back in the back row of the theater. she kept putting my hand under her skirt on her ass and i didn’t wanna be too feely, but she kept putting it there. after the movie when i dropped her off, she told me to pull over a litte early. she wanted a kiss, and i was expecting a peck, but she wanted to full on makeout in my car. i cut it after 10 seconds because i was scared after what happened before. the next time i saw her she told me she just wanted to be friends. i still wonder if it was my fault or if she was using me, but either way it sucks. so who cares?

that was the last date i had. there was another time i met up with a different girl, but she catfished me. she photoshopped all her pictures and used face filters, and when she showed up i wasn’t attracted to her at all. she didn’t even dress up for lunch, just wore ripped black jeans and a dirty cardigan. the only reason i wouldn’t count it as a date is because i was instantly out of date-mode when i saw she lied to me. i was speaking with another girl in February but again, she was photoshopping herself. part of me felt bad that i stopped talking to them because bluntly, they were changing their weight in their pictures, but i can’t just pity date someone. they lied to me, y’know? it bothers me a lot that girls do that so often now. i wish the internet wasn’t so influential on people. that’s a topic for another time, though. i’d like to lay out my basic gripes here before i complain about anything else that’s opinionated. right now, i want this to be purely real life events and not stupid things i have too much time to talk about. anyways, dating is hard. i think i’m a pretty good date, i pay the full first date and i’m honestly not conserved unless she’s really really pretty. it just hasn’t worked out yet. it’s very discouraging, and i actually deleted all my dating apps because it feels wrong. just looking at women like a catalogue and picking my “favorites” for a chance at them. i don’t think the type of woman i want is going to be on a dating app, but then we fall back into my original problems; i don’t know how to meet people and i’m scared of making them run away.

i’ve always felt that some people are meant to be here, and others simply were the wrong sperm. a different sperm was supposed to win that race, but against all odds, that person won. i’m that little sperm that should’ve lost. that feeling plagues me, just constantly thinking i’m not supposed to be here. i’ve had a small amount of sense in me recently, at least enough to check those thoughts temporarily, but they always come back and fuck with me.

(just wrote a sentence along the lines of “i know some of you can relate” as if anybody is gonna read this)

i’m gonna just leave it here. when i inevitably revisit some of these concepts, or notice a typo in this dumb little memoir, i hope i have the self respect to at least cut myself slack. sometimes i just need to let myself vent, and tonight was one of those nights i felt like it’s all my fault.

love, j

[aspxnvii]

ranting about this guy i've been talking to for the last 3 months because i don't know anymore

we originally matched in june last year, we talked for like a week and then i stopped responding cuz he was never asking me about anything in my life but i was asking him all the questions getting to know him etc etc

he reached out to me in september and i told him that i felt like he didn't care to get to know me and that's why i ghosted him and he apologized and immediately improved after that. so i said okay lets just go with it whatever. **we talk allday everyday since september last year**

he came on really strong at first and was like oh we could have movie nights and cuddle nights and etc etc and i was like dude relax you havent even met me yet etc. first time we hung out was in october - we went to a cafe and talked for 5 hrs, it went well and he said we should do this again sometime and i agreed.

2 weeks later we have a movie night at his house (that he invited me over for) we watch the movie and we both end up passing out and i left around 6am (nothing happened sexually or flirty but i wasnt planning on doing anything with him at the time), i hugged him goodbye and since then we have not hung out **once** and yet he texts me good morning and good night without fail every single day, asks me how my day is, aks how work was, asks me what i'm up to etc etc **every single day** to this day.

i even didnt message him for a whole week because i was going back and forth about the idea of cutting him off and i was like okay if he doesnt want a relationship and just isnt saying anything that's okay, i understand - let's just be friends. and during that whole week of me not messaging him, he still texted me multiple times everyday even tho i wasn't responding????

i eventually start talking to him again and we've been talking everyday since. keep in mind, i have mentioned us getting into a discord call together, going to an arcade together, playing a game together or going to a carnival together and he always says "oh yeah of course we'll do that"

weeks keep passing and nothing is happening. i don't fucking understand. does this make sense to anyone?

When i was at his house, his tv didnt work, we had to watch the movie on his computer - which tells me that he does not have friends over often, if ever. and he has like 3 friend groups on discord that he talks to all day everyday. so i'm wondering if he just prioritizes his comfort and his friends over a relationship. cuz that's what it seems to me and idk shits weird. i've never ran into a guy like this and just don't understand. like i genuinely think he's like someone who doesn't want to get up and get out and do anything. and i just???? BUT the fact that we're both online a lot and yes we're messaging eachother on discord allday - he never wants to call or play something together. so idk. we started sending each other deranged memes and he said i cant send you half teh shit on my phone and i told him i love deranged shit and he was like "i cant i dont want you to stop talking to me". sooooo liiiiiiike????????? we have so many inside jokes and we make eachother laugh all the time soo hhh

the guys who i've been dated and guys who have wanted to date m in the past have wanted to see me everyday, or atleast every weekend or want to call everyday etc. so this feels very strange

[alarrytale]

Happy friday Marte! I was scrolling through random feeds on IG and suddenly there was a reel preview with Harry´s baby photo and logo of our most popular and known radio so I got curious what that was and so I clicked on that reel.

There were 2 radio presenters (woman and man) guessing who is that (literally Who is this world known singer?). While the man had no idea (he guessed Robbie Williams lol), the woman quessed it right after few seconds and when they found out it´s really him, they were suprised and then the man said "Well, he looks better wearing female dresses" and something like he´s suprised Harry´s not wearing clothes for girls from very young age.

Okay, one thing is that for me it´s kinda cringe when I see literally anyone mentioning Harry in my country. Not that I´m living on Mars but as much as I am experiencing everything connected to him (and Louis and 1D) only through tumblr and IG (aka following international pages) it always gets me that people know him in my country. Second thing is that it´s exactly the same as any radio/TV/media anywhere - those people actually have no clue who Harry is under the surface and they only know how he looks like, his most known singles (and that WS is about eating p*ssy), his fashion choices or his girlfriends. And so they only comment on these topics without any deeper level of thinking. I sent that reel to my cousin who is also larrie and she´s the only person I can personally talk about him while don´t have to explain anything. And while she shared the came cringe as I did, she also had a good point writing me "Do you know what is total cringe for me when I see somebody is talking about Harry in our country? That nobody cares about anything else that his date life. Not a single other mention than who he had dated or is currently dating."

And that´s why I´m writing you - not that it´s anything new in this fandom but it still kinda get me how much sex sells and most people don´t go under the surface of who is really his, nobody cares that much about his music or stories he´s telling us. Or if there isn´t this date life mention, then it´s always his fashion choices (aka what that male presenter said) again with any deeper thinking that he might be queer coding or what inspired his outfit - lol the other day I found in my gallery printscreen from one czech online tabloid from May 2019 (back in 2019 I didn´t care about him this much as I do now) after Met Gala with title "Harry, are you hiding some secrets about your sexuality? Harry Styles came to Met Gala in sheer blouse with ruffles and high heels". And coming back to the reel topic, that´s exactly why I don´t even like to talk about him with anyone else than my cousin or other larries because nobody can appreciate him that much as we do because we are the only ones who really cares about him. And while I´m happy I´m living in this larrie bubble and don´t want to share him with people who can´t appreciate him, I´m also incredibly sad how others view him - pretty face, sex god and womanizer who wears "weird" outfits to be more interesing than he is himself.

Hello and happy friday to you too!

Yeah, it gives you perspective doesn’t it! The image he's portraying to the gp is working, because they don't look further than the surface. It's sad for us who knows what's really behind the curtain, that he's not a caricature or who he shows himself to be. I can't talk about him to anyone other than fellow larries, because the gp only read magazines or tabloids mentioning him, and end up getting the wrong view of him. It's also so incredibly embarrasing sharing with others, gp friends or work colleagues, that your're a fan or either H or L. When i do, with L they are like 'the dude who got arrested and had a kid he never sees? Wth, marte, i'm judging you rn...', and with harry they're like 'the serial vs model dater who's a bad actor?' or 'the queerbaiter?'. It's exhausting. And i've now stopped defending them or admitting to still being a fan. It's sad.

I hope for an image rehab for the both of them so i can acknowledge being a fan of them again. Take notes, Santa Clause!

[loveissilentlyworthit]

I was playing my PS4 and Lost Judgment yesterday, however:

> Random guy on discord pinged me (and also add me on discord because I disabled my server DM's to avoid hackers) from a PS3 Central discord server asking me to play Naruto Ultimate Ninja Storm 3 with him, I replied and said no, I don't have the game then asks me what other games I have so I go along with it.

> Then invited me and the other guy to voice chat on that server, first question he asked was a very very weird one, "have u f*p the whole day without stopping after splooosh" I was like, dude, the only thing weird is you because we only just met for a day online and I was like "errr ok" and the other guy just ended the voice chat because of it lol.

> Ok let's cut to the chase, other than the guy asking dumb & noob obvious questions like "why is your pfp an anime girl" or "are you a guy cause you sound like a little princess" he asked me about my relationship status, so I went on and say yes I have a gf and we break ice about our ages. He's 18 years old (fucking Gen Z, yeah I know not all Gen Z's are bad honestly)

> So funny thing is even we met for a day, he asked me to be his matchmaker by asking me to show a picture of himself in casual clothes to events at random people or even one of my circles, I'm like, kid, you couldn't even love yourself properly before someone else, sure you've never been in a relationship but lemme tell you you're still young for that. I keep telling him it's not gonna work and he should just explore it for himself. > However he was like guilt trip me if I didn't accept his offer because I can sense he has instinct of being offended because of his looks. Even he showed me 2 additional pics of himself flexing on those six pack abs and say is it okay to show it to everyone and my friends when I go outside, I'm like dude, showing off your abs you should just show it off on your instagram or it's step 2 when you win someone's heart. But then again I lowkey said yes and I will do it. > Then he gets impatient in the next day and asks me how was it. Instead of replying to him, I ghosted him and block him. Because he's just that dumb for a Gen Z. You should go out and touch a grass and at least think of something better to do with your life honestly. Find someone else to be your matchmaker and don't ever ask me again. That's not how matchmaking works when you put out that request like that, as if you try to humiliate me in front of my friends. Nice try but I know you're a horny motherfucker but learn to love yourself next time, I know rejections are painful but at least save up enough money for your life to travel across the world to get what you need.

I learned this lesson the hard way when I told my friends that I shouldn't be too nice to people. Always know where your heart stands and goes. A lot of people have experienced backstabbing and ghosting through many times.

[pantsusnifferr]

2021 best of post!

I procrastinated so hard last year when i was about to do my 2021 reflection! Now that i am thinking back on it, my memory’s a mess and im starting to confuse things that have happened in 2020 with those that happened in 2021. I will to the best of my ability, try to remember the biggest highlights of 2021 while writing my reflection of 2022 in a seperate post. Highlights of 2021 1. Went out of my way to watch fireworks with my sister on Jan 1 even though i didn’t feel like it. I remember i wanted to have less regrets and i definately felt like that was one step worth taking. 2. Went out of my comfort zone and decided to go out with a couple of people i met online! Definately not an unpleasant experience for sure, but i still feel like i have a lot of grow, it was something i felt like i needed and something i never thought i’d ever have the patience to do. 3. Continued HEMA and made my first sparring montage and entered my first tournament! HEMA has became such a big part of my life back in 2021, I am so glad i started it back during the end of 2020, i remember the social anxiety i felt and the apprehension before i stepped through the doors of Bastion. But I am so glad i did! It was exciting, it was something that i look forward to every week of the day, it was my obssession and something i love. I remember going to different clubs, eventually finding Oriflamme and learning italian longsword. And i concluded that year with Bashfest! My first tournament where i absolutely got wrecked haha. (But i didn’t come in last.)

4. Made geniune friends with people from HEMA, maybe E was right, perhaps i am not giving people enough chances back then. But I was glad i did, it started with going out to eat at that okonomiyaki place at the new year’s eve. And we became close and fast friends ever since. It is sad that circumstances have changed and we’ve all drifted apart, but it gives me a little hope that i’m still able to form meaningful friendships with people if i were to give them a chance.

5. Managed to diffuse a situation with a difficult and crazy business relation. I never want to deal with someone like that again, the length of time we spent on him and the amount of stress we’ve got just isn’t worth it. I was so close to quitting the entire thing but thankfully we managed to resolve everything amiciably. And the dude moved on to selling other plants, he’s someone else’s problem now. 6. Sold my switch and got an OLED switch! Isn’t really a highlight but i actually started playing it a lot more! Turns out having the ability to dock it to my PC is something i sorely needed! 7. Received my full hema kit! Too bad the jacket couldn’t fit me properly though. 8. Upgraded my PC! 9. Painted many fencing masks for myseld and my clubmates! 10. Acheived a 4.0 for my GPA. I got no idea if this is the start of me taking my studies more seriously or the start of all my unecessary stress, i still have to thank my friends who helped me out with my studies and exams though! 11. I got my vtuber model fully rigged and animated! I wasn’t satisfied with it fully so i continued to sit on it for almost 6 months before i did anything with it in 2022. A few people were essential to this step of mine, i was excited and really happy that i might actually get a chance to scratch this creative itch of mine. Too bad i fell out with one of my ‘teachers’ though. 12. bought a VR headset! 13. made a lot of shorterform videos for the company 14. was deep into fitness and diet, i managed to consistently exercise and be slightly healthier during this period. 15. Did our first live zoom workshop with gardens by the bay! managed to intergrate my streaming techniques and equipement for work! I am glad i am able to apply some of my interests to work this way. 16. Reconnected with El and RK from my AirForce days, glad to know that these guys always got my back. 17. started trying to put myself out there. 18. started investing...with mixed success.. 19. Got my feder and my rapier this year! 20. Reservist lmao, useless stay home do nothing, but i did have a nice long chat with people i used to know back during my time in service.

[pies-writes-and-more]

modern day romeo and juliet

word count: 2,185

pairing: ushijima wakatoshi x fem!reader

warnings: oikawa and iwaizumi be mAD lol but soft vibes anyways. definitely not proofread because im exhausted so im so sorry if this makes no sense haha

a/n: i have had this idea for what feels like forever. I feel so bad about it because oikawa and iwaizumi are defs like wtf but i just think it’s too funny to not put into words haha. might do a part 2 of this but i’m not sure yet so lmk what you guys think! EDIT: part 2 is now up!! enjoy! following gifs not mine - credits to original creators

haikyuu masterlist | part 2 HERE

“-stupid emotionless bastard!” Oikawa was ranting, his hands thrown up in the air as he dramatically recounted what had happened at the game he snuck in to watch today.

“How many times have you actually talked to him?” You laughed, snuggling into the plushie you had in your arms as you glanced over at your phone, which was propped up in your blankets so you could still see the boys’ faces.

“What does it matter?” Iwaizumi huffed, rolling his eyes. “Ushiwaka’s an asshole. That’s all that needs to be known.”

“I’m sure I’m sure. But how do you know he’s an asshole if you’ve never talked to him?” You pointed out with a shrug. “I mean, I get this whole rival thing you’ve got going on, and he sounds oddly blunt about everything, but does that really make him an asshole?”

“Ya know, Y/N, I hope one day you meet him and realize just how stupid he is,” Oikawa grumbled, now spinning around in his desk chair with his laptop camera capturing the whole thing for you. “He’s just got this air of arrogance. Like fine, we get it. You’re just naturally strong and tall and whatever. Is there any skill in being strong?”

You had to admit that your best friend had a point, nodding slowly, “I mean I guess. Well next month when you guys have to faceoff with them, I’ll come watch,” you beamed excitedly. “I can’t wait to see you guys play again. It feels like it’s been forever!”

“Well whose fault is that, Miss-I’m-Too-Busy-To-See-The-Best-Humans-Play-Volleyball?” Oikawa pointed out with a pout on his lips. “Iwaizumi always bullies me more when you’re not around.”

“That’s because you always act like more of an idiot when she’s not around,” Iwaizumi sighed frustratedly. 

You giggled as the two of them bickered, your phone buzzing and catching your eye as a notification popped onto the top of your screen. 

“Oooo, what’s got you all smiley, hm?” Oikawa grinned, moving closer to the camera in curiosity. “I haven’t seen you smile like that before.”

“W-What? Who’s smiling?” You scoffed, tugging the edges of your lips down from a smile you didn’t even know you had. 

“You,” Iwaizumi smirked, also moving in closer to his phone. “Is that the dude that texts you all the time and you run away from us when he does?”

“W-Whaaat?” You laughed nervously, trying to ignore the fact that there was a text message waiting for you. “I don’t run away!”

“You totally do. You hide. You’re hiding something from us,” Oikawa stuck out his tongue playfully. “That’s so not okay, Y/N. We’re supposed to be friends, you’re supposed to trust us.”

“I do trust you!” You insisted, playing with your fingers nervously. “It’s not like it’s anything serious anyways! I barely know him!”

“Still! Can’t we know him? Can’t we know his name?” Iwaizumi demanded, absentmindedly going to your instagram to see if maybe there was an unknown boy you were following that could be this mystery boy.

“No! Because I know you two! You’ll just go find him online and harrass him until he’s no longer interested in me!” You whined, shaking your head eagerly. “Absolutely not. If it goes anywhere, I promise I’ll tell you all about him!”

“Well what stage are you two at anyways? Have you even properly met him?” Oikawa asked curiously, knowing full well that you had met this boy on a dating app. As he should, since he and Iwaizumi were the ones that set up your profile.

You had to make some minor adjustments, insisting to them that putting a photo with them really wasn’t the best way to get guys to talk to you, but it had actually been a pretty interesting journey. Most guys were kinda boring to talk to though, stringing you along with some boring polite conversations, but this guy... he had been different. He was bold, even if his texts were a little hard to grasp with how bland and emotionless they could be.

He had been quick to ask you for your number, admitting to you that he had only downloaded the app because his friend had told him to, which you could relate to, and was actually planning on deleting it since he hadn’t found anything worth keeping him around.

“I like texting you though. You seem very interesting and I would like to get to know you better, if that’s alright,” he had texted you. You agreed and the two of you traded numbers, and ever since then, it had been non-stop conversations.

There was something really refreshing about his attitude. He asked you exactly what he wanted to know, and shared all parts of himself when you asked. You got worried you were scaring him away when you wouldn’t hear from him for a few days, but luckily he messaged you almost as soon as that fear had settled in you.

“I’m sorry for not responding faster, Y/N. My schedule has gotten a lot busier and I haven’t had a lot of time for looking at my phone. But if it’s alright with you, I’d like to hear your voice. Would you be interested in calling when I walk home later? It’s okay if you aren’t comfortable with the idea. I just thought it would be a nice way to be able to talk, since I don’t want to stop talking to you.”

You stared at that text for what felt like forever, screaming into your pillow because there was nothing more attractive to you than a guy who asked if you were comfortable with something, and told you what he wanted.

You could feel your heart growing the minute you answered the call. He had such a wonderful voice, smooth and deep, you teased him a little about not sounding at all like a high school kid. 

He laughed at this, and that laugh just made your heart skip some beats, “Well you’re welcome to come to my school one day so I can prove to you I’m a high school student. I might not be the best with academics, but I am a third year.”

The two of you talked for what felt like hours, ranging from topics about family lives and interests, favourite movies and music, “I don’t watch a lot of movies,” he admitted with you. “But my friend is always talking about different shows and sometimes he lends me mangas. Though, I often find those stories bore me.”

You couldn’t help but laugh as he admitted some more things to you, smiling so much as you paced around your room with your phone pressed against your ear, your cheeks growing more and more sore as time passed. And even when the two of you said goodnight, he texted you Goodnight right after and had you squealing from excitement into your pillows.

He really was such a mystery. The more you learned about him, the more you realized there was a lot you didn’t know about him.

“Would you be interested in meeting me in a sports event?” He asked you one day. 

“What kind of sports event?” You asked curiously. “I’m already attending the Interhigh Preliminary volleyball finals tomorrow. I’m going to have seen more sports than I ever have before,” you joked.

“Oh. I can see you there then. If that’s alright,” he chuckled. “Could I see you before the games begin maybe?”

“O-Oh sure,” you felt like your whole body had just been shoved inside of a furnace, your fingers starting to fidget nervously. “How will I find you?”

“I can meet you near the entrance. 8AM?” He suggested.

You nodded so quickly, you almost forgot he couldn’t see you over the phone, “S-Sure!” You yelped out, cursing yourself a little for not sounding more cool and less pathetic.

But the smile in his voice calmed you down a little as he wished you a goodnight, expressing how excited he was to meet you.

“Aren’t you coming, Y/N?” Iwaizumi asked, glancing behind his shoulder to find you lingering around the doors. Everyone was already moving towards the gymnasium, nervous for the game ahead, but oddly enough, you seem even more nervous than all of them combined.

“I-in a second,” you gave him a quick smile, playing with the hem of your shirt. “I’m meeting someone.”

Iwaizumi blinked in response, tilting his head slightly, “Who are you meeting at our volleyball game? Is one of your friends coming to watch with you?”

“Uhh...” you searched your brain for a good enough excuse, not wanting to distract him from the focus he needed for his game. “It’s okay, Iwaizumi! I’ll be there in a second, you can go ahead without me!”

Oikawa latched onto these words and your somewhat nervous sounding voice, moving to stand next to Iwaizumi and the two of them squinting at you suspiciously, “This is about that Boy isn’t it?” Oikawa finally gaped, eyes widening. “Wait you invited him to our game? You’re going to show him how cool we are right? So that he knows he can’t be a loser?”

You laughed and shook your head, eyes starting to search the crowd for the boy you had seen in all the photos on his profile, “I mean he said he was already coming here so I figured he was coming to cheer someone on.”

Iwaizumi and Oikawa shared a glance, trying to think of the logistics of it all, “He’s... an Aoba Johsai student?”

“I think he said he goes to Shiratorizawa Academy,” you told them as you thought back to your brief conversation with him about school. 

Iwaizumi didn’t like the feeling in his gut about this, “Y/N. What’s this guy’s name?” He pressed.

“Oh! There he is!” You beamed, trying to smooth out your clothes a little as you noticed the familiar face coming through the crowd. He was a lot taller than you had pictured him... and wearing a volleyball uniform?

“No. Absolutely not. I forbid it,” Oikawa shouted, shaking hsi head furiously.

“Really? Y/N? Him?” Iwaizumi hissed angrily, shooting you a glare. “After everything we’ve told you?”

You blinked in confusion, looking between your friends and Ushijima, who was now standing in front of you with a soft look in his eyes, taking no notice of your two friends who were throwing tantrums, “Hello, Y/N.”

“Hi, Ushijima,” you giggled, rocking on your heels nervously. “What the hell are you two on about?” You asked after staring up at this boy for a moment, eyebrows furrowing as you noticed just how distressed your friends were.

“Are you serious?” Oikawa whined loudly.

“Oh hello Oikawa, Iwaizumi,” Ushijima gave them a slight nod. “I look forward to playing you today.”

“Playing?” You repeated, glancing over his uniform. Number 1? On Shiratorizawa’s team? Why did that seem so familiar?”

“You had to go falling for our arch nemesis?” Iwaizumi groaned, glaring up at the other boy. 

“Don’t think this changes anything, Ushiwaka!” Oikawa declared, pointing his finger at him. “We’ll be winning today and going onward to Nationals!”

You stood there even more confused. Wasn’t Ushiwaka that guy that Oikawa and Iwaizumi hated- Oh.

“You can’t fraternize with the enemy before a game, Y/N!” Iwaizumi insisted grabbing your arm and starting to pull you towards the gym. “We’re taking you down!” He yelled at Ushijima from over his shoulder.

You looked back to apologize to Ushijima, giving him an apologetic smile as you waved to him, awkwardly stumbling over your own feet as you tried to follow Oikawa and Iwaizumi, who were now giving you a lecture about loyalty.

“We even ranted to you about him!” Oikawa was saying, swatting your head like a father scolding his child. “This isn’t going to be some modern day romance Shakespearean play, Y/N! No Romeo and Juliet here! I forbid it! How could you do this to us?!”

“You told me about an Ushiwaka! I only know him as Ushijima,” you pouted, swatting his hand in retaliation. “And he never even told me he played volleyball! Plus, you guys told me he was a big asshole and Ushijima is just... the sweetest thing!”

Iwaizumi and Oikawa both pretended to gag at your little soft moment, Iwaizumi rolling his eyes, “I’m surprised, I thought volleyball was that guy’s whole life,” he grunted, still sulking as the three of you stomped away. 

Ushijima’s lips twitched into a smile as he watched you leave, feeling a little disappointed that he didn’t get to ask you if you’d like to wear his jacket (Tendō told him this would be a nice and sweet gesture, and Ushijima didn’t have any evidence that he was wrong), but he understood that volleyball came first for your friends.

He would simply have to show you who was strongest on the court, and hope to offer to hold your heart some other day. Maybe after the game even. The only thing better than winning a game, would be winning a game and knowing that that beautiful girl was going to be waiting for him afterwards.

haikyuu taglist (let me know if you’d like to be added or removed!)

@sgue0s @aurumk @neko-chii1 @thisnoodlewritesao3 @satan-ruler-of-hells @trashy-simp @jeppiet @tobi-momo @darkvadeeer @haikyuutothetop @livy384 @babyshoyo @jesssobs @b-bakana @just4readingfics​ @moonlightaangel​ @crystal-lilac​ @random-734​ @rizkykei​ @sophiemess​ @bbyhaji​ @pansexualproblemchild​ @mystic-poteto​ @kaleidoscopekai​

[skellebonez]

So, I have a weird request: Mei, Jin and Yin with 28 and 50. I fell victim of my own au and now I just want these three to be friends and cause mayhem.

Ok, you both sent me these SO CLOSE TOGETHER BY CHANCE that I had to combine them. This is the most prompts I have shoved into one fill and I consider this an achievement.

You call this luck? No, this is all skill./That cute act is all just a lie./I was not expecting that to work as well as it did./Ok, who gave out my number? I have 12 missed calls, 4 voicemails, and 75 unread texts!/No, listen, hear me out. All we need is some really good disguises.

“Ok, who gave out my number?” Mei asked as she slammed the door to Jin and Yin’s workshop open with a harsh kick that sent it slamming into the wall, a scowl on her face. She wasn’t particularly angry, just annoyed, but they didn’t have to know that yet. “I have 12 missed calls, 4 voicemails, and 75 unread texts! I had to change my number because before I cleared the first set of notifications I had over 80 each!”

“How do you know it was us?” Jin asked defensively from his spot sitting on the nearest table, and Mei allowed her face to fall into an deadpan expression, raising just one eyebrow.”... ok, fair, it was Yin.”

“Hey!” Yin yelped as he rolled out on a skateboard from... whatever in the world it was he was working on. “Why are you calling me out like this? I thought you were my brother!”

Mei watched at the two got up from where they sat, getting in each other’s faces and arguing about “brotherly betrayal” and if she was being honest Mei almost thought that this would have been nearly enough to make up for her needing to change her number for the first time in years. Almost. It was when Jin yelled “That cute act is all just a lie!” and Yin gasped in offense that she decided she had enough amusement for the moment and whistled as loud as she could to get the twin’s attention.

“Alright gentlemen, may I ask why my phone number was leaked in the first place?” Mei asked slowly, gaze firmly centered on Yin.

“... In my defense, I didn’t post it publicly,” Yin said as he held up his hands in surrender. “I only gave it to one person and they said they were a friend of yours because I needed some tech they had and they said it was payment for the favor!”

“One person made 82 calls?” Jin asked with a look of disbelief and horror on his face. “Who has time for 82 phone calls?”

“They’re all spam bot calls and texts, it isn- Wait, go back a second,” Mei held up a hand, gesturing for Yin to speak again. “Who said they were a friend of mine?”

“A streamer guy, Bo-something?”

“BoFullStrike,” Mei said with venom lacing her words, a low growl sounding in the depths of her check. “Of course it was Bo, he’s been trying to get back at me for beating him at his best game for like 2 weeks now since our crossover stream like the sore loser that he is. He’s been trying to spam my email this entire time, apparently spam is how he gets revenge.”

“Is his name actually Bo?” Yin asked in curiosity.

“No, it’s just his screen name, but lets not get distracted!” Mei smirked, walking up to the twins and putting her arms around their necks in a half hug each. “To make up for ruining my phone, and because you like me, you two are going to help me get back at him so he will just leave me in peace.”

“Uh,” Jin and Yin looked at each other, then back at Mei and Jin continued. “Is, you know... Macaque gonna have to know about this? We’re already kind of in deep water with him as it is and-”

“No, listen, hear me out. All we need is some really good disguises.”

“And why am I being pulled into this?” Jin asked with a sigh.

“You two are a package deal.”

~

Mei had to admit, when the demon bros had someone who knew how to make a plan for them? They were scary good at what they could do. All three of their technological knowledge combined was a terrifying force to behold, and Mei could see they weren’t too shabby with designing things they weren’t tech itself either. The three of them, both Jin and Yin in their human forms, were disguised so well that Mei almost didn’t recognize her own reflection in her wig and make up. It was perfect!

What was also perfect was the absolute chaos erupting in the internet cafe they had tracked BoFullStrike down to. He really should take internet security a little more seriously, it was far too easy...

Just as it was far too easy to remote connect to the computer he was using to practice his gaming in on an alt account and completely mess with all of his controls and download some nasty nasty viruses onto it from the other side of the building. They weren’t anything too hard for the cafe to get rid of, and it wasn’t anything that would affect the entire computer network, but it was just enough to make the cafe owner pissed off enough to kick him out (that would have made her feel bad if she didn’t know Bo also lived on his own in his own house on his parent’s dime and only came here so no one would track his ISP to alt accounts, and that there were 20 other such cafes in the city for him to move to).

Now the other streamer was angrily stomping out of the building passing by the chaos trio and would have not even been aware of their involvement had Jin and Yin not yanked him half a foot into the (admittedly brightly lit and easy to see into) alleyway beside the cafe.

“Hey, BO,” Mei said with a smirk as the twins held an arm each for extra security. Like bouncers. Or very strange bodyguards she didn’t actually need. “Still angry I beat you in front of all your followers huh?”

“You!” Bo, or whatever his actual name was Mei didn’t care enough about this to remember that, said after a moment of confusion when he recognized her voice. “You humiliated me on purpose! Just like last time!”

“This time yes, that time? No, you humiliated yourself behind the scenes when you started trying to sign me up for car insurance scams,” Mei said with a sigh. “Look, guy, just leave me alone. No one except you cares that I beat you in a few matches at a game I was already on the leader boards for.”

“You just got lucky!” He scoffed, pulling his arms and tensing with a fearful look as he realized he couldn’t move.

“You call this luck? No, this is all skill,” Mei said with a smirk as she held up her phone and Bo’s face went white as a sheet at the information scrolling on the screen. “Yeah, you should probably invest in something. Like a firewall. A VPN. Literally anything. This was not hard to find at all. Dude, I kinda feel bad that you’re so bad at tech security so I am doing you a favor, just leave me alone and I will literally give you a high tech security system and never speak to you again.”

“Or... what?” Bo said with a shake. “You’ll post all my info online?”

“Hell no!” Mei winced with a disgusted look, shaking her head. “You’re being an asshole, but I’m not evil! I was just gonna sign you up for spam too until you took my offer. Ew.”

“Oh... well... I guess... sure?” The man looked mostly confused more than anything else, shrugging as much as he could before Jin and Yin let him go. “That’s... really it?”

“Yeah, dude, I didn’t want that much revenge just a little bit. Like I said, stop signing me up for spam and I will never speak to you ever again.”

“... OK,” Bo said, and yelped as Mei tossed some kind of USB drive at him. “Uh-”

“You have everything you need in there,” Mei said with a shrug, waving him off.

Bo shrugged again, still looking incredibly confused as he ran off, muttering something like “ok maybe that was kind of badass I guess” under his breathe.

“I was not expecting that to work as well as it did,” Mei said with a laugh, holding up both hands to either side. “Good job, my dudes, you are off the hook.”

Both twin’s palms met her own in very satisfying high fives, and all three thought they should totally team up for stuff like this more often.

(The next day BoFullStrike sent her an actual email with a proper apology.)

[dan-trashcan]

okay, one for you. top 10 JM songs from the whole discography, please. then rank the records - i wanna know what your faves are, too!

Dude this was sooooo hard. I legit love like most of their discography. Trying to narrow it down to just 10 seemed impossible so I’m gonna do 15. My initial list was like 30 songs deep so I’m leaving off a bunch of my favs. Anyways this is what I came up with. I went through my Spotify and took the songs I’ve played the most and tried to rank them. No I’m not happy with this. Yes I tried as best I could. The order is subject to change. (Side note: I finally (FINALLY) saw them live for the first time in august and I had the time of my life. I lost my voice and my neck was sore for like a week. I’m getting too old to rock that hard but I had to show out for jm. The crowd was great and the pit was a good size. Fun and friendly in all the ways a great punk show should be. Plus they sounded fantastic. It was a pretty surreal moment for me considering the amount of concert footage of them I’ve watched on YouTube.)

1. Catalina Fight Song

2. Falling in Love Again

3. Call Out

4. Eighteen

5. Beach Community

6. Big Lie

7. Leather Jacket

8. Bride of Usher

9. In the Army Now

10. Tame

11. Orange Julius

12. Chumped

13. If I Needed You There

14. Victoria

15. Last You Heard Of Me

Honorable mentions: constant headache, constant nothing, the jerk, done right discount flooring, violent inside, gotta let it go, up the punx, heart tattoo, i know why, house warning party, this song is a mess, don’t try, heated swimming pool, every other song they’ve written except for falling out of love with you

As for albums:

1. Never Hungover Again - the perfect marriage of where they started and where they would go. I’ll never get tired of this record

2. S/T - the instant classic

3. Of All Things I Will Soon Grow Tired - the most whiplash inducing record. Yeah Barry hates it but I ride for this album. It’s fuckin awesome

4. 40 oz to Fresno - the return to form

5. Songs From Northern Torrance/Collection - yeah SFNT needed the old chumped on the bus and maybe a couple more off ew gross. Still rules tho

6. Cody - the one that I needed the most time with. Straight up didn’t like it at first. I’ve since come around to it

7. MDTKM - it’s ranked last but I still like it a lot. It’s got some duds but also some of the most underrated songs. Wildflowers, friends that we met online, up the punx, of course big lie. It’s got some major tunes for me

[beukefarm]

Sorry for the blurry one lol, only noticed after I got home.

This is our premium fence gate for the chickens. The gate itself was dug out of the trash, the screws and the wood were found somewhere in the garden and we just used them.

The wire fence and the wooden poles were bought from a hardware store, we painted the wood last fall but will repaint this spring so that it'll last as long as possible.

-

Since the fence and gate were build by us, there was next to no planning involved, we just went for it. Aside from the gate being tilted and the wire fence not being properly tensioned in places, it went quite well! Aka it does its job and is surprisingly stable, given that it just survived the entirety of eunice without getting a scratch.

We're still debating whether to modify the wagon (green structure in the corner) and have the chicks in there, or if we'll buy a shed and modify it for the chickens.

(Seriously, never buy premade chicken coops. Theyre incredibly expensive and so so tiny, if theres ever an event where you have to keep them inside, for example because of bird flu, they'll be glad to have some space to move around.

Just buy some kind of shed, put a chicken hatch, some wooden poles/sticks for roosting and some nests for the eggs and youre all gucci.)

In any case, the chickens are coming, and when they're here, we'll be prepared. I cant wait for the chicks to be stumbling and peeping about, so excited! My boyfriend is cute as fuck every time he talks about them, his eyes light up and he grabs me and we hug and ahhhhh we're alive! Life is worth living! I failed my math exam and I might fail chemistry and maybe I wont finish university but who gives a shit! Maybe I will!

I have friends and family, I have a drive and a passion and I'll be okay and you will be okay too, I promise! Maybe not today or tomorrow, but eventually it'll fall into place, and there will always be hard days and hard times but it doesnt matter because in the end there will always be chickens to hatch and vegetables to tend to and sunsets to watch and people to love and laugh with and we are all here! On this earth! Right now and never again!

And yeah the world could be going to shit, we're killing our planet and shit but do not let it destroy your spirit. Do what you can, do whatever you have the energy for, but other than that just live! I promise you, its fine, you're allowed to feel good and nice and also shitty and sad and if you need to talk my dms are always open, seriously, Im just some dude with a garden, you can talk to me about whatever and I will listen because right now I have the energy and I'm willing to give you some of it.

Breathe. You're alive. We're all alive. Listen to G.O.A.T. by Polyphia and feel the harmonies come together in your mind. Taste the wind outside. Stand in the rain and dont worry about getting wet. Get yourself a plant, and maybe you'll kill it, who cares, get a new one! Or just get a packet of seeds and grow some yourself on your windowsill, and when they're dead you can just plant new ones.

Talk to a friend! Dont have friends? Comment on peoples posts, engage in some communities, there are people out there who you can love and who love you back! You have a computer? Play some kind of online multiplayer, doesnt matter if its a shooter or whatever. Guess what, most gamers are just some dudes! Ive only met very few bigots, and hundreds of people who are just nice! (I recommend Planetside 2, the playerbase is a little older than in most shooters, think mid twenties and up to 40s or 50s, I even know one guy who's over 60. If you do decide to try it out and play on Cobalt, please message me with your name so I can add you and help you out! And if not, pretty much everyone there is willing to guide newbies along, and they'll stay friends with you as you progress, thats what it was like for me and everyone Ive met on there.)

What Im trying to say is: communities exist everywhere! Just engage with them! Shitty self esteem? Guess what, me too! It took me two whole years until I started talking to these people, and they were nothing but nice to me from the start.

Again, if you have any questions about starting to engaging with people and communities, start out with me! Message me, I'm here and will do what I can.

I'm sorry for derailing this post so much, I just feel incredibly grateful to be alive right now and I want to share this with others. Peace!

[hawks-supremacy]

Personal Trainer

Summary: being a photographer for nearly every volleyball team in Japan had it's perks, and your roommate likes to abuse those perks.

warnings: none? I mean there's swearing

genre: fluff

word count: 1.3k

a/n: day 2 of writing every day until my birthday. this was something I wrote quick after work.

You were sitting at your desk editing some photos you took for an online sports article. You were a freelance photographer for various volleyball teams. You mostly took photos for their social media accounts and any special events they attended. You were nearly done fixing the lighting in a photo when your roommate and best friend Hana entered your room.

“Gather your things, change into different clothes and get ready to leave, we’re going to the gym to workout.” She proudly stated while going through your closet attempting to find some clothes you could possibly wear to the gym. You raised your eyebrows, not looking up from your computer, “I’m sorry but I’ve known you for several years now and not once have you or me attempted to work out. We’re lazy which is why I take pictures of sports and not play them.” She made a noise of triumph after finding some decent workout clothes and sat on your bed next to your desk, “Yeah but this is different.” You sighed running your fingers through your hair, “Hana how is this any different.” You saved the photo to your finished folder and closed the app you were using before looking at Hana with a deadpan look. “I figured out that the gym near us is where the Olympic volleyball team is training?” She gave you a sheepish look as she messed with her hands.

“Hana I swear to whatever Deity, God, or Goddess is out there I am not stalking athletes that I regularly work with and take photos of.” You sternly stated as you got up to stretch. “That’s my point! You work with them and not once have you ever introduced me to any hot volleyball players! I needed to take matters into my own hands!” She said as she followed you to the kitchen, “Besides we’re getting old, we need to work on our health.” You laughed loudly at that statement, “Dude we are 25 and perfectly healthy, you just wanna ogle at the hot athletes. We probably can’t even get into the gym if they’re there. They most likely reserved the whole place.”

“Yeah uh I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. Here’s the thing, it's actually really funny when you think about it, I bet we’ll laugh years from now.” She looked away and you narrowed your eyes in suspicion, “What did you do?” She thought for a moment still refusing to make eye contact, “So when I figured out that they were at the gym by us I went and purchased to gym memberships, but then the lady told me after I bought them mind you, couldn’t even give me the courtesy of letting me know beforehand, that yes, they reserved the whole gym.” You nodded, “Just like I thought they probably would.” She hummed in agreement, “Yeah so I uh borrowed your laptop.” You interrupted her saying her name in a warning tone before she continued, “I emailed one of the team members you regularly take photos with, I think it was Bokuto but it might’ve been Atsumu. It was definitely someone on the msby black jackals team. Either way he said it would be a great promo opportunity for both the team and his instagram and invited us...yay!” By the end of her story you were leaning on the counter pinching the bridge of your

nose. “What time did you say we’d be there.”

An hour and a half later you were walking into the gym with your photographer ID and your camera bag, “I hate that you’re taking advantage of my job like this.” You told Hana as the guy working the front of the gym where everyone was located. “Yeah but I don’t feel bad, what if my soulmate was on this team and you were never gonna introduce me to him. Honestly Y/n, the nerve of you to keep me from him.” She said as she practically skipped down the hallway. “This isn’t some storybook where everyone has soulmates, you’re just a hopeless romantic.” You said opening the door to the gym and walking in.

“Y/n! How have you been? Who’s your friend?” Atsumu said as he approached you both. “Hey! This is Hana she’s uh, she’s here just to tag along and admire honestly, so you can ignore her.” As you finished your statement Hana shoved you over as you laughed. “No, ignore them please. I’m a fan, not like a creepy stalker fan, but a fan. They’ve been uh meaning to let me meet you guys but keep forgetting.” As you were talking, a guy with short hair that you've never seen before walked over. “Hey, I’m Y/n this is Hana. I don’t know if we’ve met and I've probably met every volleyball player I possibly could.” You shook his hand as you introduced yourself, “I’m Iwaizumi and you haven’t met me because I’m not a volleyball player. Well I used to be, but now I’m a personal trainer.”

“You could be their personal trainer, they need to workout anyway I’m sure you could-” Before Hana could say anything else you covered her mouth with your hand. “Please forget everything she just said. She’s a little crazy, was dropped on her head as a baby and whatnot. I’m the photographer, I don’t know if they told you.” He nodded and was about to say something when Hana licked your hand and you let out a sound of disgust. You apologized and he laughed, “No worries, yeah they told me about you. It’s nice to meet you and for what it’s worth I don’t think you need a personal trainer but if you ever need the help let me know.”

As he walked away to go help some of the guys who were already starting you turned to Hana smacking her arm, “I’m going to murder you in cold blood and not feel an ounce of remorse.” She put her hands in the air in mock surrender, “Sorry, but come on he’s hot and clearly just hit on you.” You shook your head going to set your camera bag down on the bench to get your camera. “You’re ridiculous he was just defending me after you called me fat and out of shape.” You said grabbing your camera and moving to take some photos. “I did not call you fat or out of shape! I’m just trying to help you date a hot guy!”

You turned around now exasperated at the fact that she shouted that across the room. Everyone paused and turned to either look at you or her and she mouthed sorry at you. You groaned in embarrassment, sure that your face was burning red. You spent the next hour or so taking pictures desperately trying to forget that that happened. The guys were finishing up for the day and Hana was flirting or rather attempting to flirt with Atsumu, you were sitting on the bench looking through the photos you took when you heard someone sit down next to you.

Looking over you saw Iwaizumi and groaned, “Please disregard everything that happened today, you know what, in fact just wipe it from your memory altogether. I was never here, we never met.” He pursed his lips and thought for a second, “Fine okay, we never met. Hi I’m Iwaizumi. I’m the team’s personal trainer and I would love to take you out for lunch sometime and maybe get to know you.” You nearly dropped your camera at the response. “Unless of course you don’t want me to and your friend lied about implying you were single?”

You coughed looking through the photos again far too embarrassed to look him in the eyes, “No she uh wasn’t lying. I would like that, a lot actually.”