#1year of the woman in me

[sally-ac-wei]

Celebrate one year of #TheWomanInMe🩷

Love Britney forever 🫶🏻🫶🏻

@britneyspears

[thelesbianpoirot]

Getting new a assignment at my job, it means more hours! They are trying to kill me, however, more money!!! And I love saving for my new plans for future, my roommate has mentioned moving to the UK with me, she has distant family there who may help us, and she's a super certified teacher (who speak three languages), she can always find a teaching position there. I would really be happy if we stayed together. She is my platonic soulmate. Me and this straight woman are so compatible. It is so hard to find friendships like ours. Leaving her would have been my biggest regret, but I wasn't about to cling to a woman who isn't my girlfriend and would leave me for the fable Mr. Right at any moment. Hopefully everything works out, and we leave together in a 1year-3year span! I love having a goal to work towards.

[mommamouf]

Fun fact: im scared to travel.

Its nice it looks amazing nd fun and great BUT i am a black, female born, woman. Also American af! I am this carefree, wild, loving free spirit and whatever else goes in that category. I am terrified of being stranded somewhere away from my kids. In state (US) covid proved that. Terrified of getting kidnapped ANYWHERE. In or out of state. I am petrified of getting locked up out of the country (anywhere honestly) but i am an American oppression woman. I can also be unpredictable at times. The shit i like doin, might do, willing to do could get me in hella trouble somewhere. Its a woman locked up in Dubai for screaming!!! Im the loudest person in the area no matter where i go and thats my inside voice.

Yes i will go places one day. Maybe sooner than later but 😅 i have a 1year old right now. Spending the night at someone’s house is too much at times. I lowkey dont even sleep until its the next day and im at home 🤣

[stupidnerdlol]

I feel like Suyin, Bumi and Kya sometimes forget that Lin and Tenzin are not dating anymore so I wrote a story about it ahah

(I’ve literally never wrote something so don’t come for my writing skills)

It takes place after ceremony for Jinora’s tattoos (at the end of season 3) and yeah enjoy i guess lol.

——————————————————————

“I just can’t believe Jinora has her tattoos, it seems like yesterday that I got mine”

Tenzin said as he and Lin walked to the middle of nowhere on airtemple island.

They had no idea when they started walking and where they were going but they both didn’t even care.

They used to do this when they were younger. Always slipping away from their annoying and loud families.

“Hah I remember that Iroh (II) didn’t recognize you for weeks and kept crying every time you held him.”Lin said as she remembered 16 year old Tenzin and her 15 year old self babysitting the 1year old.

Tenzin smiled at this moment. This right here, saying whatever comes up in his mind to Lin and her doing the same.

“I’ve missed this” he said looking at Lin

Lin looked at him and a smile formed on her mouth. “Me too” she said

——————————————————————

“And then tons of birds just kept following us”

Suyin and Kya where listing to some weird Bird story Bumi had experienced. Suyin glanced over to Kya and Kya did the same.

A small laugh escaped Kyas mouth at the probably half made up story. Suyin just started laughing.

“What it’s true I promise” Bumi said

“Bumi..I think I would’ve believed it if the birds didn’t have “super sharp tiger teeth” “

Just as Bumi was about to say something back they got interrupted by Pema

“Do you guys know where Tenzin is?”

“Uhh no hes probably crying because his daughter is growing up or something” Bumi said with a smirk

In which Suyin replied

“No he’s probably having a romantic beach walk with his “wife”. ”

But as soon as it came out of her mouth she realized what she said.

A snort escaped Bumis mouth and Kya held her hand for her mouth so she wouldn’t laugh.

When they were younger they used to tease Lin and Tenzin if they would spot them walking around the beach by saying they looked like a old married couple.

“I uhhh I uh mean life yes life, he’s walking with his life” she stammered

Pema gave suyin a confused look but before she could say anything Kya said

“We don’t know where he is. why? do you need help?”

“Oh no don’t worry I just thought you’ll knew where he is” she said and gave a smile to Kya which Kya returned and said “well if you need help with anything I can always help”

“Yes thank you”

———————————————————————

Pema turned around and left still confused about what Suyin said.

She didn’t know Suyin that well. The only times she saw her were at funerals so she never really got the chance to meet her.

And it wasn’t that Tenzin ever introduced her to Pema. Besides Pema never really asked. They never really talked about the Beifongs and maybe that was because everytime Katara would tell a story That involved Tenzin and the Beifong family Lin and Tenzins relationship always got mentioned

and it wasn’t that she hated Lin. No the woman sacrificed herself multiple time for her family she couldn’t hate her. Maybe she still just got a little jealous. Even tough she would never admit that.

———————————————————————

“Spirits why did I say that!”

Suyin said after the trio burst out laughing

“The worst part is that they’re probably are taking a walk right now” Kya said

“Really, you think” bumi said

“Yeah well I don’t see Lin so probably or she just went home or something” Kya responded

“Who went home?” Tenzin said

The trio turned around to see Tenzin and Lin

“Oh there you guys are, Pema is looking for you airhead”

“Ohw okay I’ll go look for her thank you” Tenzin walked away quickly

“He probably didn’t do the dishes again” Bumi sighed

“Oh shut up Bumi you never do them” Kya said back

“Wait but where were you guys?” Suyin asked curiously

“I actually have no idea we were just taking a walk” Lin said as she took a seat

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed but he’s married you know” Suyin said sarcastically and quickly took a long sip of her drink.

Lin rolled her eyes and said

“Really I had NO idea”

The four of them started laughing

———————————————————————

et voilà

I don’t really like the ending but okay hope u guys liked it (please don’t copy this and post it somewhere else and claim for ur own because then ur sad u can atleast give me credit)

Okay byeeeeeeeee.

[nothorses]

weird question you might be able to help me with because you seem to possibly share similar experiences? so in those posts a few days ago you mention how you would date women before you realized you were trans because it felt good to be gay even if you had the direction wrong...

see okay, I've felt like that or at l similar to that a lot, and I often find myself getting crushes on girls I know irl but then when I actually act on those feelings (with one exception where things were blurry) I end up realizing I just like the relationship because I get to be (yes I know how cishet normative this is to say) "the man" in these relationships. I end up feeling deeply uncomfortable whenever I have to imagine being more intimate than light kissing with any of these people. on the other hand, I always "dream/imagine" myself to be in relationships with men (usually other trans guys) and never with women in my mind, but when it comes to real life I not only do I hardly ever interact with men (it's all very confusing to me + where I live is pretty homo+transphobic) but the few I've had that express interest in me are not my type and the one I was willing to give a try once ended up ghosting me when things started picking up.. except there's no guys I've really ever really been interested in, except for like models/characters/others who are impossible to reach

I know some people say that's comphet when you only like someone of a certain gender when unachievable (and yeah as a trans guy comphet isn't maybe the exact right word, but I feel attraction to women in a queer way and I feel the word connects more to my girlhood upbringing)... But anyhow, if it's comphet... Then why don't I like the relationships once they start picking up steam? But on the other hand, if I like guys, why is it so hard to be initially attracted to them? And not even just that but just to generally interact with them? And ofc I know like bisexual exists... But then why does the word just feel so wrong, and like gay doesn't feel right either.. Something feels off about straight too.. And I know there's others but to start there nothing fits and I haven't found anything more obscure that seems to either

it's just I find myself seemingly only liking men in theory, and then I find myself liking women irl until the relationship develops beyond what might be platonic and then I'm just bothered by it too (might also be important to note all the women I've dated I was extremely close with for years before we dated, and all the guys who expressed interest in me I had limited to medium interactions with for 6months-1year before they expressed their interest)

even if you don't know anything, do you have any like resources that are good for these sorts of things- or any ideas for questions I could be asking to better understand my feelings? I for some reason feel like this is all so much harder than gender XD

Idk I probably sound a bit whacky, but maybe you could help- if not that's okay too, no expectations! Thank you for reading!

There's a lot of things that could be going on here, and I am definitely not an expert! I just want to preface that what I'm giving you here is based on my experiences, and how I understand what you've told me.

First, I really want to encourage you to look into asexuality and aromanticism. The labels and experiences might not end up fitting you, but I think it's important to have access to those labels and be able to consider them as part of this process.

This is a good overview of asexuality, and I recommend clicking around this page a bit to get a better understanding of the term, the experiences, and the grey-ace umbrella. This is a good starting point for aromanticism- and info on this is a little harder to find overall, but I think of it as a romantic equivalent to asexuality in many ways, if that helps as a starting point.

That said, I resonate a lot with what you've laid out here; I'd always had a sort of abstract attraction to men, but this never seemed to manifest in the meatspace.

It wasn't until I started T that I suddenly grew a lot more comfortable with the idea of actually being with men, and started to actually identify feelings for accessible men in my life.

I think it was something about comfort with my body, personally; I just couldn't imagine being with a man "as a woman", and I couldn't get past the idea that I'd always be seen as one as long as I looked the way I did. T made me feel like I was finally moving forward, and like the possibility of being seen the way I wanted to be seen was realistic and happening.

That was also around the time I looked back and realized that a very intense, very emotional, very physically affectionate friendship I'd had with a gay friend of mine had, uh, maybe not been 100% platonic. My dumb ass really cuddled this boy for hours on end while he played with my hair, thought my life was over when we stopped being friends, and still thought I "didn't have crushes on men". Jesus christ.

That might not be what you're experiencing, and it might not resonate with you! But it's where those threads went for me, and it might be worth adding to the list of possibilities to consider.

I think ultimately, the best thing you can do for yourself is to just... not worry about it. Just do what feels right in the moment; don't push yourself into anything you don't want, and don't hold yourself back from anything you do. Let the labels come later, when there's a pattern to identify. Maybe just don't worry about them for now.

[tarithenurse]

Nightingale - 22

Fandom: Naruto Pairing: Hatake Kakashi &/x Fem!OC Contents: More good stuff. And some serious. A/N: Sorta got the job! As in: not the steady contract but they arranged a 1year temp so I can get more experience (that was the only reason I didn’t get the full). Anyhoodles, might explain more in a separate post when I get home from my grandma’s funeral. As usual, ASK or REBLOG for tag!

Ch. 22

Darkness has fallen over Konoha, but this time the early night walk leads Kakashi and his mystery woman ambling down the streets towards the housing reserved for the jōnin and higher-ups who haven’t got their own real estate.

Apparently, Uguisu has been more or less ordered to live in an apartment there and her own reasoning is, as she’s explaining, that it’ll be easier to keep an eye on her. “That way...there’s no need to have anyone assigned to follow me 24/7, like Mitarashi...”

Makes sense – both the arrangement and the fact it’s Anko keeping an eye on things right now. “Is she’s gonna be your warden?”

“I dunno...” They’ve reached the complex on the Academy grounds and she takes the lead up the stairs towards her new home. “I suppose I’ll find out tomorrow if it hasn’t decided already...”

Leaving the staircase and coming to a halt, Kakashi realizes it’s an apartment wedged in between the homes of fellow jōnin. That’s not a coincidence. Handing the stack of books over to free her hands, Uguisu procures a key, unlocks and opens the door, but then holds out her arms for the borrowed goods in a clear but polite hint that he’s not invited inside. Can’t blame you. It gnaws inside him nonetheless, even if the jōnin doesn’t show the concern – he would much have preferred to make sure everything was as it should be indoors before leaving her alone.

“Well,” he nods resolutely, “if you need anything...”

She looks small and sickly in the unnatural light of the outdoor lamp. Dark bags under her eyes are suddenly prominent, the less than completely sincere smile unable of pushing away the grim demeanour. Still...there’s also an air of something calm about the woman. She’s hopeful, and that warms Kakashi’s heart.

“Thank you,” she hums.

He waits til she has closed the door. No footsteps? Perhaps she remains standing just on the other side of that barrier, perhaps it’s just the hopeless imagination of a man in trouble, either way he has to force his legs into action or he would have stayed there the entire night.

...

Among the shinobi comrades, Kakashi is often equalled with tardiness. He knows this. It's never his intention to be late and he always gets up and gets ready in time, but there's one stop he has to make at some point during the day and once there...old friends are hard to say goodbye to. All that remains of them is a memorial build in their (and many others') honour and visiting the site somehow detaches the living from time while granting them a brief respite surrounded by memories. Sometimes the faces of old are smiling. Often, though, the emptiness they've left behind is tainted by bitterness at the evil that stole these people away too soon.

Today was different. This morning, the white-haired jōnin lingered for no more than five minutes before hurrying off to see to his students because he was adamant, the day's training must be finished before the Recruits' classes ended. Needless to say, Team 7 greeted him with stunned silence as they arrived later than their sensei and none of them opposed the day's curriculum either.

"Who is she? Really?"

Kakashi glances over at the black-haired boy who's sitting in the grass with the lunchbox open. "You mean Uguisu."

The two other (yes, even Naruto) stop eating, favouring instead to listen and hopefully have their curiosity satisfied. There's no doubt they will take matters into their own hands and dig around if the many questions aren't answered soon, but...it's not my place to tell anyone and they have no reason to know. Turning the page of his favourite Icha Icha volume, the senior considers his options which could be better because, truth be told, even if Kakashi technically knows more than them, what he can tell will only lead to more speculation. He had hoped for news this morning only to be disappointed at the slow decision making. And the woman at the centre of the uncertainty? She'd left early for class.

"As I said yesterday," he mutters, "she's a friend from far away. She'll be staying here in Konoha and...maybe become one of our shinobi."

Oh yes, the kids are itching to find out more.

"Why does she have to do Academy classes?"

Sasuke is the one to answer the girl. "The Hidden Villages' schools don't teach the same things. If she's from somewhere with a very different choice of subjects then she might not have learned the things we take for granted. Right?" The last part is addressed to Kakashi who merely nods in agreement.

"What was her name?" Naruto has never had a great memory – a trait generally vital to ninjas.

"Minami Uguisu." And it fits her too. "Well! Better get back to work. How's it looking?"

They've been testing out a variety of knots and other rope-works. Some with better results than others.

...

Soon, the open area in front of the Academy will be swarming with kids as they flee from the last lesson of the day either to play or return home, but right now the only sign of life is Hayase about 20 meters up in the tree with his legs dangling lazily.

"Bird watching?" Kakashi calls out to him.

The chunin nods. "And revisiting the boring days from when I was little." He does look like someone who was half asleep only a moment ago – or at least wishing he had been.

"Gonna take her off your hands the rest of the day." Already walking through the front doors, whatever the assigned shadow says remains unheard.

Some of the little students acknowledge Kakashi as they rush past him on their way to freedom once more bu thankfully it isn’t long before the path is clear and the jōnin can enter the classroom without fear of toppling anyone over. Only two people are left: Iruka who’s gathering a wad of papers that probably are assignments, and the blue-haired girl that’s been haunting him regardless of being asleep or awake.

“Ah, I see they got a hold of you,” Iruka smiles at his friend who doesn’t admit he hasn’t been contacted, “that’s good! It seems my work with Uguisu’s gonna be fairly easy.”

The woman in question has joined the two men at the teacher’s dais, her arms laden with the borrowed books and a few pencils. Today, she’s tucked her hair into a messy bun which allows a peek at the curve of her neck. Pretty. It’s hard for Kakashi to focus, but he fights his attention back to the words flowing from the teacher.

“There are...some areas we need to cover, but none connected to the theoretical works of a shinobi.”

“What he means,” Uguisu smiles, “is that I’m a disaster when it comes to math or history, for example.”

Oh? Watching a blush grow and fade rapidly on Iruka’s face, some corner of the white-haired jōnin's guts tighten in protest before the brain catches up with excuses or explanations – all of which are necessary as he hasn’t been able to ignore the distance the woman keeps between her and anyone else. Including him. Less than 48 hours ago, he’d been kissing her, feeling her reciprocate and making his heart sing...then the dream ended and a nightmare unfolded, and now she’s pulled away.

“Well, that’s quickly fixed,” Iruka promises, “however!” He turns to fully to Kakashi at this, slapping a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “As her warden, I hope you’ll remind her to hand in the written assignments regardless of their simplicity and ensure she’s capable of applying theory to the practical training you’ll be overseeing.”

I’m her...? YES! None would have known how happy the revelation makes Kakashi just like they would be ignorant of the fact that he, until this moment, had had no clue of his role in the relation to Uguisu’s potential as a Leaf Shinobi going forward.

“Hai, I’ll keep her busy with studying,” the warden nods.

[yoongusworld]

title –> Lifetime

genre –> smut , one sided love , nurse and pianist reader x pianist ,heir yoongi! oneshot.

characters –> bts! yoongi x reader , y/n ,dahyun.

this is based on imagination,character used exists but this is only a fanfiction.

i would like to give credits for some lines i will use

-hardfactzquotes,poise,blogkiat,themindsjournal.com,the last part i there is no watermark so i dont know who owns that but ctto.

my mom said that love can conquer all.the most scariest thing i don't want to experience is heartbreak but i you need to fall inlove and feel your heart break.One sided love is beautiful yet a heartbreak.No expectations,nothing in return,just pure love.Yet it hurts,no doubt. but nothing can be as beautiful as one sided love story.

"y/n honey! wake up! you'll be late for you practice daughter!" those words are loud.i'm sleepy.

"moooom~i practiced all night my fingers feel numb and my piano seems sad like it wants to give up~" i lazily replied to my mother.

"honey..you play for patients in the hospital you need to inspire them with your music,you said that right? plus payment is high you can add that when you leave or you want me to just pay--" i cut my moms words and said

"uuuuuugh--mom i know we have lots of money but i don't want to depend on your money its not that im not accepting your hardworks its just i want to prove everyone that i will not just depend on how rich we are. i know i can do it" i know i can.

"i know honey..i believe in you,you're the best choice i chose in my whole life and i know you never done anything wrong because youre my daughter,i love you honey...now get up!!" she said and patted my legs.

"love you too mom..here i come practice!!" and we both laugh. i love my mom. she supported me in every aspects of my life,every journey of my chilhood,teenage and being an adult and i will repay all her hardwork as my mom and as my dad.

after taking a quick bath i head to our kitchen to see what my mom cooks for breakfast and eat.

"bye y/n honey..please be safe. don't forget to put ointment on you finger,okay?" she pecked my cheeks like i'm a little child and said goodbye.

"bye mom!!" i drove to my practice place where aspiring pianists are really trying their best to learn more about piano.I'm not saying that im already a pro but i am really good at this. the're will be a program in a hospital where they will choose one pianist to play at 'bringing back patients to life with music program' sounds like they're already dead? and i was the chosen one.lucky me.there's a guy here who doesn't even talk and always seems..lonely.i am curious about him even i know shouldn't,i dont know its just like..he got me. going inside the practice room everybodys eyes are all on me even the piano teacher.

"Well goodmorning ms.lee,the chosen one. Everyone i forgot to tell y'all that y/n is going to play piano at the hospital program,congratulate her" as everyone claps i saw the introvert guy who put his hands together and clap a little. he's cute but he scares me sometimes. after all those claps i sat down next to him. i purposedly sat beside him. "u-um...h-hiii,i'm lee y/n, i see you don't talk too much so–" i thought i was the only one who can cut words,he did cut my words.

"i know you." how?that sounds great i dont need to introduce myself a lot.

"really???but how?" i asked while the piano teacher is doing his business on some sort of things.he is still looking at the lyrics,notes in front of him not even wanting to spare a glance at me.but when he talks he looks at my eyes well its not a look,more like a glare.

"youre mom is a doctor in 'Asan Mecial Center Soul' no wonder they chose you to play in the hospital because your mother is a doctor"he smirked and i was shocked on his words is he saying that i depend on my mom to get inside the program?!

"e-excuse me but i didn't ask any help from anyone i know inside that hospital!" who does he think he is?he look back on his papers not even replying on what i said. he is rude and scary as expected.

"yah!y/n" my friend dahyun hooked me up "what?" i replied. she's on my right side while that rude guy is on my left. "Are you seriously talking to min yoongi?!" she wishpered to me "who?who is yoongi?"i asked confused. "duh its the guy beside you girl!" so his name is yoongi?? "whats up with him?does he really talk rudely to people?!" i asked dahyun slightly mad. "yes!but he's hot isnt he? he is the next heir of the AMCS he is soon the president of the hospital,i heard he finished medicine and piano is just his hobby when he is bored,girl there is no way you dont know him!" it looks like he is that popular. i get more interested.my mom is one of the doctors there yet,i dont heard anything 'bout him.

after piano practice me and my bestfriend dahyun headed to the café. "whats up with you y/n? you seemed so quiet since we talked about yoongi" i still did not answer her question "hey!y/n are going to keep looking on your favorite iced americano?the ice is melting what the hell are you thinking there?!" i really need to ask dahyun since she knows everything about handsome and popular guys. "dahyun,what more you know about yoongi?" i asked im not shy to ask shes my bestfriend i can trust her with all my rants and secrets. "Hmm well they said that yoongi is really introvert not until her girlfriend appear‐-" she have girlfriend. "her girlfriend is the richest before they also said that yoongi wasn't planning to fall for her but he did. but after all their love story is tragic. shin hyemin's car crashed and its almost 1year but she's still in a coma her parents are lacking hope but not yoongi and thats when he turn back being quiet and rude. haish he really love her,i hope i will also have a relationship like them." she pouts and out her hand under her chin. "why are u suddenly interested at him huh? do you have a crush on him?" i don't know actually its just he is interesting,i want to know him.

"no!its because he talks rudely to me,thats why" i protest looking on a big glass window beside our table drinking my melted ice iced americano. "btw y/n the program is going near you only have 2days to look pretty!!" i sighed remembering the program "i know and i know you will help me find a nice outfit for it,right?" she also sighed and just nodded not having any choice "hm well good".

—after two days—

"yah y/n i really love this white dress on you,you indeed look like an angel fallen from the sky!!!" i spin myself like a princess feeling the white dress i am wearing "wow! my daughter is so beautiful!!!" we heard a voice from the door assuming its mom "yes of course auntie,i chose her outfit!" dahyun pouts "haha i know dahyunie thank you very much" i said and playfully hug her "ok bye girls,i need to go early one of the patients are slowly healing" she said then finally go "i wonder whos patient is that,your mom is great" dahyun said "i know now lets go and get readyyy,the program will start in 1hr!!!"

yoongi's pov

two days passed since i start to attend piano class to atleast reduce my stress but still,y/n is always bugging me,i cant get enough of her,she is making me do things i'm not supposed to do before. i was early to visit my girlfriend as always. as expected she's still on her coma,i don't know how long i can wait for her i am the next heir and my father wants me to find a woman that i will soon marry. i love this woman,she's my life. there's a mysterious man that always looking through hyenmins door i asked her parents if they know him or if hyenmin knows that guys but her parents said that they don't know him. Its kinda bothering me but unless as he isn't doing anything it will be fine.

"yoongi,thanks for visiting our daughter but you need to rest." her father said with a eyes of pity.

"no s-sir,i am completely fine" i faked a smile.

"yoongi,son,we told you right? its ok for us if you decided to find someone else its been a almost a year we should give up but you insisted and stay by her side,you are so kind and warm hearted yoongi but please remember this 'if you find someone that will make you happy we are fine with that' we know you always try hard to take care of hyenmin but now im returning your kindness to you and go find someone else"mrs. shin said to me with her eyes that were very teary,tears also escaped my eyes i dont wanna leave her,i can't imagine life without hyenmin even i knew that she hurt me.

"yoongi,you're such a great man. you can be with her until she woke up and explain everything to her we are here for you" his father was never like this he used to dislike me for hyenmin because i was playboy back then but she changed me i was happy with her.

"t-thank you mr and mrs.shin" i cried. "the program will start we'll going down,we heard you love piano. you should watch it too" he smiled at me and get out inside the room where hyenmin was.

ah yeah that stupid girl with her stupid program.she talks a lot like you hyenmin and moves like you. what should i do? she's more likely like you but u know that i will never replace you with anyone even you replaced me.

your pov

yup!!this is it y/n you can freaking do this,its just sick people,disabled people ugh!!but still they're people y/n why are you like this? "the next is a beautiful young lady who plays the piano,lee y/n" the mc speaks and called my name,this is it,for real!!! as i go to the stage theater of the hospital everyone is looking at me i guess white dress isn't a good idea? i nervously sat down the piano chair and get my hands ready above the piano. I played beethovens Moonlight Sonata.it certainly brightens the piece but it's not terribly emotional. Emotionally it makes me feel like life at the height of its passion.everyone looks emotional some are enjoying.

yoongi's pov

since i was tired i decided to go to the theater and see what that y/n can really do. its not yet starting but i hear the mc said that lee y/n is next and she's playing a piano. open the door and sat down at the back of the hospitals theater "s-sir what are you still doing here? Mr.min will scold you if he saw you here" i sighed and out my palms onto my forehead its one of my fathers bodyguard are they following me? "he will scold me if you told him that i am here so shut up" i saw y/n starts to play she's playing beethovens moonlight sonata huh i guess she wants everyone to cry.a person who knows music will know its sweet but a typical person who will hear it will definitely cry. as she plays long she is pouring her heart out on whats she's doing,she even wear a white dress she l-looks like an angel fallen from the-- shit! what am i saying?! i admit she is very attractive but she is distracting me from my girlfriend. (End of yoongis pov)

As soon as y/n finished the piano yoongi goes outside the theater and head home.She was fascinated by y/n.She never tought this will happen to him when he still has a girlfriend.This cant be happening he said to himself. He should finds out whats that feeling he's been craving whenever he looks at you.

i was laying on my bed thinking if its really yoongi or not"dahyun,i told you i saw yoongi inside the theater i am not lying or seeing someone that wasnt him coz i know its really him!!!" i explained to my bestfriend who looks at me in disgust. "whats with the disgust face?!" i shouted in stress. "ok let's say that—oh! yoongi was there but, he isn't there for you. he was probably taking care of her sleeping beauty!" while she laughed at me i am still stressed i am having a different feelings about him,its look like he shoots me with his killer looks and glare that i cannot forget those. "i–i know but–dahyun you're my bestfriend and i want to be honest with you on what i feel" then she replied with hum crossing both of ther arms together on his chest. "i really feel curious about yoongi he looks very mysterious and you know i like a person who is mysterious in a good way" she has a girlfriend i know that and im still finding out. "please y/n don't make actions you will regret after just remember i am here for you" she smiled and hugged me. she is right.

another piano lesson.i have no time eating breakfast my mom is already in the hospital and i sooooo lonely dahyun will not pick me up so i guess i drive myself there. I sighed remembering yoongi will be there. we are complete stranger but why do i feel this way towards him?This is crazy.im crazy. i was suddenly awaken my mind hearing my phone ringing "yes mom?" what is it this time?! "honey i am sorry to bother you but after your piano class can you please go here in the hospital" i get inside the class after we talk and there is no sign of yoongi everywhere "what happend to him?" i mumured "WHO?" i was startled by the voice behind me "yah!you startled me!!!" she smiled and grab my arms "lets go" after class me and dahyun planned to go shopping but obviously there was an urgent problem in the hospital and they need my help (i know y'all wondering why,easy) "ugh!y/n we supposed to date today!!"dahyun pouted. "i know im sorry they need a sub in the hospital" i calmly explained to her "you said you don't like to be a nurse but you finished nursing,you know what you confuse me sometimes!!" we laughed as i headed to the hospital.

—AT THE HOSPITAL—

"hey honey glad you made it here,thank you so much daughter we are really lacking of nurses this week but they promised to pay me double for that and i'll give some to you,okay?" i nodded and changed ny clothes to nurses clothes. its not easy to be a sub nurses but i am one of the most payed doctors daughter so its easy for me to get in and loved to help. i will soon leave my mom alone and i want to cherish her a lot so much this past few months. "you look good in nurses outfit,are you playing roleplay here?" a cold voice appeared behind me while i was walking in the hall and i fastly turn my back to that guy i knew it was him "y–yoongi? why did you not attend piano lesson today?" i asked i know i was out of line but i badly want to know his reason "i visited someone" he said coldy and walk past at me "h–hey y–yoongi wait!" he stopped walking but did not turn back to look at you. "what?"he simply talked "just wanted to talk to you.uh erm..if you'll let me???" what did i just say? and now i need to talk to him if he agree.

after my duty as a nurse today i looked at yoongi who is sipping his coffee looking at the sky at the hospitals rooftop i sighed and cut the silence between us "i just want to know if you're fine" i scratched the back on my neck really shy to talk to him "none of you're business" i need to get used to his rudeness "s–sorry i really wanted to be your um f–friend?if thats possible you know?" he heard it for sure but acted like he didn't "i have lots of friend,i dont want to add one anymore"again with his cold tone "well the more the merrier,they said" as i laughed sarcasticly "you're really different aren't you?" he laughed and looked at me "hm...i am" we both laughed and took advantage of a beautiful sun setting on its own.

months have passed i continued working inside the hospital as a nurse while dahyun works at her parents company and...me and yoongi are now friends we hang out a lot i can see he is happier now and i guess i just achieved my goal to make him happy.

"yah give it to me you asshole!" y/n reached for his hand but he is taller than her "only of you'll treat me dinner!" he shouted y/n ran over him but instead she hugged him tight. time stopped for a moment but he speaks up "a–all right,fine here!!" He finally give up and hand her the wallet. they were silent,the rooftop was silent,no birds,no animals,no people,just y/n and yoongi.we sat for another sunset to watch "i never thought we will be good friends" she said and he huffed "you are so noisy who wouldnt talk and hangout with you just to make you quiet?" she playfully punch him and laughed "its because you want me yoongi! If you dont then get rid of me!!!" She shouted to him alongwith a pout making him laugh even more.

she makes him happy how can he able to get rid of her?

After that yoongi and y/n hang out a lot. go to a coffee shop early in the morning, walking in the middle of the night when y/n messed up on hospital,watch movies when yoongi has a problem with his father and hyenmins condition.

you two were hanging out but the doctors called him to tell that hyenmin had seizure so yoongi rapidly ran to the hospital with just only one word he left that y/n always holds "sorry" that sorry followed by another sorry and another and another one. you cannot blame him,you came in his life in a wrong time.

this feelings you have been keeping wasn't like any other like your past relationships. you don't even tried to touch yourself when you think of them and be bold in words around them but with yoongi,its all different. you became more and more comfortable with each other as time passed.

we always seeing each other inside the hospital we ate lunch together,watch sunset together,walk outside together we did a lot as a friend but thats not what i feel anymore i am not curious about him now because i fell for him its more that just a friend and i am sure. we supposed to hangout after my shift .

I texted him to ask where is he. he isnt replying to all my texts "haaaaa where is he now??" i tapped one of my foot on the tiles waiting for yoongi at the hall "hey!!!" someone shocked me "yoongi!!!you startled me!! what took you so long?!" i pout and crossed my arms on my chest "im sorry okay,on my house?" he friendly hugged me that made me blushed. "yah!we're at the hospital and i'm a nurse" he look at me in confused and said "this hospital is mine and i dont care,how about we hang out now okay?no more talking"

we made it into his penthouse. this is the third time i came to his house first was because i bargged in to ask him if i can be his frien,second is when we became close friends that was memorable i am not sure but he was stressed that time so i hugged him as friend but i know we both felt that tension between us,we almosy kissed but the doctor call him about hyenmin. and now is the third,i really crave for this man but he doesn't feel the same.

"how about a movie?" he asked. "that sounds great but can you please order pizza im kinda craving pizza right now and im freaking tired!" i said and flopped myself onto his soft couch "okay just choose a movie while i order"he said while taking off his leather jacket and shoes,he is so hot i cannot stop thinkinh doing dirty thoughts with him but i remember hyenmin all of a sudden.

"can i turn the lights off?" i shouted at yoongi "sure!!!" she shouted back. after a minutes i already chose a movie to watch 'after' "what movie is that?" he asked and also flopped hiself on his couch "idunno its currently number 1 on netflix so this should be good" i yawn and arch my back to stretch "sleepy?" yoongi looked at me,his eyes are different today "n-no just tired. my back really hurts".

"how about a back massage?just a thank you for accompanying me" he slightly laughed and scratched the back of his neck "woah!thats the most kind word i heard today!thanks!" i speak in sarcastic way,he just rolled his eyes on me and pull me down to massage my back.

"ah~yes yoongi right there please~" it was almost a moan "how come you're good at this?" i asked while he continue massaging my back. "i learned it from hyenmin" he said. i admit that hurts me ofcourse he will still love his girlfriend i am not expecting anything just seeing him happy makes me okay.

yoongi's pov

"i learned it from hyenmin" i replied to her. It seems like she doesn't care. y/n keeps moaning while i massage her back it's making me aroused hearing her voice like that it's also been a while since i had sex. "ahh~yoongi thats right" she tilt her head making her hair fall to the side revealing her neck. i cannot take this anymore i am going to explode if she continue teasing me like this. "ahhh!~ yoongi thats hurts! are you alright?" i snapped into reality when i heard my name from her mouth "uh–um i–im sorry is the movie already done?" i changed the topic covering my hardening bulge with a pillow. "not yet were just in the rated 18+ part" she calmly said how can she be calm talking about the sex scene.

"i moan better than her" she said my eyes widen by her sudden words,she's eating the pizza sitting beside me,i see she's playing games with me, "what makes you say that huh?"i smirked at her and then she looks at me "yah!my ex and i attempt lots of sex he even recorded my voice because no one can moan how i moan!"she sound like she is scolding me. what is she saying? we were not comfortable to say things like this,she is totally different.i began talking to her comfortably in just a month not like others even hyenmin,or the six of my bestfriends.

"are you listening?!" she slap my shoulder playfully "i–i am" i replied. "yoongi can i lay on your lap?"did i hear her clear? im freaking hard right now and she wants to lay? On my lap?! "okay i'll take that as a yes!" with that she lay her head on my lap near my bulge as i began groaning when she moves.

"stop playing games with me y/n, i promise wo won't like it"

"what games?" and she continuesly moving,this is fucking great.

your pov

"y/n can you please stop freaking m-moving?!"he said at me more like a shout. "sorry" the movie is done but yoongi is just staying still on his sitting position "yah did you forget to move yoongi?" i laughed at him histerically cos he literally stopped moving he's like a stone i stopped laughing when i felt a hand on my waist.

it was yoongi,he was gripping my waist so hard all i see is him on top of me "i told you to stop freaking moving and now you're laughing like you don't know what you did huh?nurse y/n." he said looking at me with his dark eyes i really have no idea what he's saying "y–yoongi,i have no—" he cut my words

"damn you and your excuses,you make me this hard y/n. now make it up for me" i didn't even have the chance to talk when he slammed his lips in mine harshly i don't want to give in but in myself i am liking this yoongi. i kissed him back. he bite my lower lip asking for entrance he is dominating every moves. our tounges are dancing together our kiss is became steamy and hot i feel my core getting wet.

his lips are now going down to my neck biting the skin creating a hickeys "y–yoongi" i breathed out. he pull up the hem of my shirt taking it off and unclasping my bra so easily. his mouth made it to my hardening nipple nibbling his tongue on it while other hand massaging my left breast. i interwined my fingers through his soft hair as he continue to suck my breasts

"uugh y–yoongi~" i continue moaning his name pain and pleasure is what i am feeling right now as he began biting my nipples. i know i am being selfish right now. but just one day,one night will be enough with me.

his lips are moving further down pulling my skirt up to my belly that makes me shiver and aroused, he kissed my core and looked up at me and ask permission

"can i?" i nodded and he moved my panties to the side as i moaned when i felt his hot breath to my core sending shivers down my spine "y–yoongi p–pleaseee" i begged being desperate for him. "i need you y-yoongi" i moaned out "you're getting it for being a slut y/n"his words can make even a boy horny, he fastly remove my skirt along with my panties.

yoongi is eating me out like a hungry man "f–fuck" the only word thats getting out of my mouth as he continues to work on his tongue technology on my wet core

"cumming~" i moaned out as i feel my high going soon "cum for me baby" he mumbled thats vibrating on my core as i release my high.

"hmm so sweet" he said going back to my mouth as i taste myself on him,our kiss become sloppy. he breaks the kiss and breath heavily.

i heard a belt falling on the carpet "so beautiful" he whispered to himself but i still manage to hear

"how about you suck me first before i give you want you want,huh?is that good" he said with a raspy voice while touching my ass cheeks i gently oblige him as he sat down the couch and i get on my knees. his eyes are so dark full of lust.

i pull his pants down along with his boxers while he remove his white shirt,his hardened cock sprung out proudly standing up onto his belly it was an average size but he was thick enough to make me shout in pleasure.

“suck”he said in full of dominance i licked his dick like a kitten as you heard him hiss.

"don’t be a fucking tease" he shoves his hips sliding himself between your parted lips and onto your mouth. you taste the saltiness of arousal leaking from his swollen cock, you take him all in swirling you tongue around his pulsating cock. "ugh,your tongue feels so fucking good baby."

yoongi moans like his stresses are melting away with every in out pace of your mouth on his cock. he grips you hair so tight knowing he is almost there "fuck baby deeper,just like that. ughh f-fuck" he controls the pace making you choke,tears escaped from your eyes "uhhh your mouth feel so good baby,y–yeah" he is mouth fucking you.

"take it all,d–dont leave any single drop" you suck harder "i–m c–cumming" he groaned "f–fuck y/n take it all" i can feel his grip on my scalp,tears are still flowing as his hot cream shots down to your throat "fucking swallow my cum baby"

he pulled me up to him making me sit on his lap "ride me y/n,ride me like a good girl"

"yes daddy" he spanked my ass feeling a hot stingy sensation.

spank

spank

spank

i only yelp by his actions,it hurts but its good.

"do you want daddy to fuck you hard,huh?"

he said with a low raspy voice he put his long slender finger under my dripping core making me jump

"y–yes d–daddy fuck me h–hard" i moaned desperately

"you're fucking dripping for me you slut" he pumps his dick and gently slide it inside your wet core. you squeezed your eyes feeling his thick cock inside your pussy.

you wrap your arms around yoongis neck and breathing hardly

"damn it,y–you're so tight y/n" he waits until i adjust and move up and down his lap with his cock inside my core

he suck my nipples making me moan so loud he stopped and sucked your collarbones marking his territory "this is fucking mine,all mine" he grips your waist fucking you harder

"ugh y–yes d–daddy fuck me harder" he seems to like the daddy kink "daddy kink huh,i love it" he whispered to your ears still fucking you senseless "does mrs.lee k–knows that her daughter is a f–fucking slut around my cock,huh?"he said burying his cock deep inside you as you arched your back.

yoongi's pov

she is a moaning mess,i haven't done this for a year i can say that she is really good at this. i can't lie i am enjoying her company,i want her always beside me,she is making me happy and most of all she's making me good but i'm not sure about the feeling "f–fuck daddy,y–yes!!" she moans as i fuck her harder than ever "y–you will forget y–your name baby girl" i laid y/n on her back parting her legs wider to get better access on her g-spot.

"am i hitting it huh?f-fucking answer me" i said as i push harder inside her tight pussy "y–yes y–yoongi" she moaned "l-look at me" i command as she open her eyes straightly looking into my eyes,she is driving me insane.

i can feel her clench on my cock warning that she is cumming i fastened my pace harder "i-im cumming!" she moaned loud "cum with me"i burried my face on the side of her neck saying dirty words," i fucking l–love you" he said.with one last hard thrust her cum collided with mine. i gently pull my softened dick outside her pussy and pecked her lips. "thank you y/n" and then collapsed on her side still chasing our breaths.

"for what?" she asked "for staying and taking care of me,erm and being a good friend,i guess?" she looked at me with her angel eyes. she don't deserve someone like me,she deserves someone who will treat her better "i'll clean you up". i said "n-no i can do it,s–sorry i–im leaving." why? after all she will leave? she stands up gathering all her clothes and wearing them one by one.i respect her decision to leave so i let her.

you pov

yoongi collapsed beside me after chasing our highs he finally speaked up "thank you" for what? "for what?" i replied "for staying and taking care of me,erm and being a good friend,i guess?" friends. friend of course i am just a friend,you want this y/n now accept the consequences.you just filled up his needs not his empty heart. "i'll clean you up" he said "n-no i can do it,s–sorry i–im leaving." i think we will both needing space after this incident. i leave wearing all my clothes and drive home.

i should've stayed but i feel like i was used. i know i liked it too but still he called me as his 'friend' fucking wont make us official and i know that so that i love you doesn't mean anything to him?

at home

"hello?y/n?why did you call at this hour? is there a problem?are you crying?" dahyun asked me so many times but i still sobs and cry like crazy "y–you were right,i shouldn't make decisions i will regret!" i cried even more remembering what happen between me and yoongi "it's all going to be fine y/n. you just loved knowing he doesn't finish loving someone else,sushhh its alright just cry it all out,ok?you have work tomorrow you should be beautiful" but i still cry

"dahyunnnn! i love yoongi!!!what should i do?!" she sighed after saying a word "just talk to him,thats the better thing to do y/n do not avoid him or something. just talk and say what you really feel all this time". she is right.

after weeks i will finally showed myself up for my last day im hospital as a nurse.i prepare to go to work,putting make up on because i cried a lot last night. i sat down on my bed looking in the mirror,theres so many boxes on my room,yup i am slowly packing all my things since yoongi and me became really close friends . i am preparing to leave since then.

after 1hour i arrived at the hospital,i am scheduled to shin hyenmin today i guess its really a bad day to start to. i go inside the hospital changing my clothes into nurses clothes. i can't see where my mom is,i guess she is busy. i gathered the tray with injections ready to go to yoongi's girlfriend,im in the front of her room door "you can do it y/n" i slowly open the door and peeked who's inside. its a group of boys talking to each other i can't see the others face but i assumed they are 7 guys including yoongi.

i finally made it inside and talk like a professional nurse "excuse me sir but i need to inject this to her today...you can all stay but um just move aside." i smiled at them not even looking at yoongi, "wait–y/n is that you?!" one guy speak up i can't see his face but when yoongi moves i finally saw him "jungkook?" its him,the one who organized my house in u.s "i thought you already leave the country–" he was cutted by the other guy and said "let her inject something on yoongis girl bro" the boy said with a boxy smile "um oh yeah sorry i carried away" after injecting on hyenmin yoongi goes to her not even sparing a glance on me,holding her hand.

"wah yoongi really love hyenmin" its a guy with a wide shoulders. "y/n can we talk?" jungkook said. "um-yeah sure,ummm outside?" i point my thumb outside the door and we both talk there. i saw yoongi looking at us but when he knew i was looking he looks back at hyenmin. "um see you later guys,just gonna talk with this beautiful lady here!" jungkook winks at them "nice one jk!"a cute like a sun guy said and i blushed and the bowed goodbye at them.

"sooo~what is it?" i asked him "yoongi hyung is talked us about you,a lot." he confronts me "b-but.how?why? r–really?" why did he do that? "we don't know either but we knew yoongi hyung so much and we know something bothering him,he seems very happy now we thought hyenmin wwas awake but he said it was a girl he met on piano class" jungkook explained "he has hyenmin,i am just,a friend"

I lowered my head and interwined my fingers together as jungkook hold my hands "no y/n i'm not here as your organizer. im here for my hyung he loves you. hyenmin cheated on him a lot but still he stays thats why she has an accident because hyenmin chase him when he ran away caughting her cheat and he blamed himself."

yoongi never told me that. but still. he still love her. i knew that,the way he looks at her,kiss her lips and hold her hands. not just because we had sex doesnt mean he loves me more like i said i fulfill his needs but not his empty heart.

"the hardest thing to do is to watch someone you love,love someone else." i cried,again. jungkook hugged me as friend and told me everything will be fine. they always say that but everything will not be fine. "so are you still leaving the country?" he asked breaking our hug. "um it was planned year ago before i fell inlove with yoongi,so it is still on plan"

—inside hyenmins room—

hoseok : yah!guys look at our jk he is making a move to a girl,im so proud!

as they peak through the window of the door.

namjoon : wahh he is really good at girls!

jimin : our maknae is holding a girls hand!!

seokjin & tae : let me see!!

yoongi : can you all be quiet!!! move!!! let me see!!!

seokjin : yah yoongi-ah just accept the fact that you like her! and stop being jealous they're probably 'friends' like you and her.

he teases him that pissed him off even if that is the fact.

tae : jin-hyung is right hyung we all know the fact that unnie cheated on you but still you blame yourself on what happened so you can't let go.

yoongi felt weak at their words.

yoongi : shut up. i wont leave hyenmin for any other girls out there.

jimin : lol hyung then stop talking to us on how happy you are when you're with her.

yoongis pov

they are all right,but hyenmin and i didn't broke up,i just ran away. my thoughts were gone when we saw hyenmin slowly opening her eyes. "CALL A DOCTOR!! hyung she open her eyes!" namjoon shouted i ran to hold hyenmins hand "are you awake?" i said in gentle voice. "y–yoongi,babe is that you?" she said while crying 'babe'? the doctors came and told us to step outside the room to check up on her when i saw jungkook and others leaving and y/n packing her nurses things.

"so?she's awake,congrats!" y/n said with a weak smile,i still dont know how to face her after what happen to us "i–im sorry y/n,i know i fucked up but–" she cutted me telling me words i was scared to hear "no need to apologize yoongi,none of this are your fault.

I wanted this at the first place,be happy with her make her smile,i know you love her more than anything.its funny actually how a person can break your heart,and you can still love them with all the little pieces.ha ha why am i tearing? sorry tears of joy". but i know deep inside i was heartbroken after all it was my fault.

dahyun was right i shouldn't make actions just like that but she was wrong that i will regret this because yoongi is the best choice i've chosen.

"go to her yoongi,i hope we can still be friends. ju–just forgot what happened to us like you said,you thank me for being a good friend and now i am and i am proud that i am your friend." i cannot stop my tears its just flowing on its own.

yoongi cannot even speak a word to me,i guess he is speechless haha "y/n i love you as–" as much as you think . i put words next on what he supposed to say "friend,i know yoongi. i don't really know why i'm still hoping but just wanted to tell you that i love you so much,not as a friend or a piano classmate,but as a man. thank you,you made me happy even in a short period of time.i will never forget those times we we're hanging out but you recieved a call from hospital because of hyenmin haha i cannot stop laughing when you forgot to brush your teeth that time,i missed you a lot" i confessed.

is this my way of saying goodbye?when i decided to walk out for fresh air yoongi stopped me by holding wrist "y/n i– i am really sorry for everything,can you please give me some time to figure this out?" he said as i looked into his watery eyes "make it up to her yoongi,i know she cheated on you and you took blame on what happen to her but– she still needs you there. i just filled up you needs but not your heart and i guess we should stop this unknown thing between us,lets go back being just 'friends'" of course i was hurr by my own words but i think thats for the best of the both of us.

he freed his holds to my wrist as i kept on walking outside the hospital for my last day.

Its all messed up.

also last day in this country,tomorrow will be my flight.

yoongi's pov

i was standing there dumbfounded and also,heart broken. people are calling me "sir ms. hyenmin is looking for you" but that all sounds blurry to me,i only think of y/n right now. is she leaving me? can i live without her presence beside me? without her cheering me up every fucking single day? do i love her? those are questions in my mind. "sir ms.hyenmin is looking for you" the nurse said. they way i feel jealous when she's with jungkook is already an answer . i love her . i just need to talk to hyenmin.

"yoongi,i've already talk to your dad and he wants you to be more realistic and marry someone who can help this hospital and the company bigger" my fathers friend,a doctor said i have enough for this shit,i should marry someone who i love not like this "how many times did you all tell me that?aren't you all tired?" i frowned my eyebrows and ask the doctor another question "how is she?"

"i told her to sleep for an hour,i need to talk to the parents but since they are not here pls tell them that their daughter suffered mild amnesia like i said when the accident happened,it has a big impact that affect her brain. the medicine we're giving to her will help her and will bring her memories back to normal.i'll go now let her rest" he said then go.

i messed up everything,i lost y/n. i lost a friend or should i say a love one.

i told hyenmins parents what happened and they begged me to help hyenmin until she fully regained memories and then i can go and broke things up between us. i dont want to agree but they were begging me to the point they get on their knees.

how about y/n? how about us? i'll comeback to you y/n i promise.

after 1 month hyenmin continues her treatment and regaining memories,i can tell that she is healed now. she took photos of us and post on her sns people really think we're fine but little did they know the man that keeps on going on her room when she is still in the hospital said to me that he is hyenmins secret affair. mentally,emotionally,i finished everything between us. i will broke up with her when she remember that she cheated on me. i wouldn't let her hurt me again.

"hey jungkook? how's y/n? i think she changed her number i reached for her mom but she is not in their house dad also told me that her mom quit her job. look i am asking you because you know her,right?" even its on phone i can feel that jungkook is nervous to tell me something.

"hyung i am very sorry but y/n told me not to tell you this–"

"just tell me that happened man!" i nearly shout.

"as you can she she changed her phone number and sns account so you cannot find her. she is currently on US now,she left the evening when we talk–"

my world seems to crash. all this time she were far from me. no one dare to tell me even dahyun.

"we're in contact,she opens up to me sometimes. she even told me that she is stalking hyenmins account and said 'they look happy' she is not yet moved on hyung,i dont want to tell her what you really feel it is something you should tell her so i get out of your boths business,im really sorry hyung but i hope this will help you"

"no– it's fine man no need to apologize i–i fully understand you intention" after that we said our goodbyes and he gave me y/n's account to just let me visit her account or apologize to her after all what happened.

i will promise to apologize to her and bring her back. I just need to clear everything to hyenmin.

your pov

i cant say i am living my best life now that i am far from the person i love the most,i feel lonely even having lots of friends here in US i feel really empty and sad.

the worst feeling is knowing from the start that its never gonna happen. knowing from the start that he's just too good,way out of your league. feeling concious about how look when time will come you two will meet again and what you do and yet,you try anyway.

you have daydreams and imagines and you just wish evenythough you know that he will never choose you. but the absolute worse is when he told you directly that he only sees you as a friend.

And somehow your heart just wont listen.

I hope there's a lifetime that waits for us in other side of the universe.

you're a good dream sadly i was awaken

should i make part 2?????😭

sorry for wrong grammars,english is not my first language. also i give credits for some quotes and words i used for other part i added. thank you so much. this is my first ever fanfiction i am very sorry if this is bad.

[imagineredwood]

Request:  Happy Raising his daughter after mother dies in an accident. 1year old, 7 Years old, 14 Years old and 26

Warnings: death, mourning, coping 

Word Count: 1,526

Happy stared at the baby as she lay in the crib, a soft smile on her tiny mouth as she slept. He liked to see her happy. See her with a smile. See her relaxed and asleep without a worry in the world, because that was the exact opposite of how he felt. All in a year, he managed to have the best and worst moments of his life. He got to become a father. See a part of him come into the world. He got to be there with his wife and hold her hand as she brought that new life. He got to cut the umbilical cord. He got to hold his daughter in one arm and hold his wife’s hand with the other hand as he sat beside them in the mother-baby unit. He got to hold his daughter as the three of them walked into the house, a family.

He got to wake up in the middle of the night to change a diaper or feed her milk. He got to bathe her and take pictures of her and his wife to keep for memories. He got to experience a part of life he hadn’t ever thought he would want to and he’d gotten to share it with the most beautiful woman in the world, the only woman that would ever be able to measure up to his love for his mother. He’d gotten to do all of those things with his wife, and he’d planned a lifetime of other things they would do together as a family. He’d imagined them taking her to kindergarten, driving her to her first middle school dance, dancing with her at her sweet 16, dropping her off at college, hugging her on her wedding day.  

All of that had crashed and burned when he’d gotten a call from St. Thomas. 

Apparently, there was a drunk driver that crossed over the median into the other lane. It had happened quickly, too quickly for her to react. They’d hit her head on and she’d died on impact, them escaping with just a broken arm. Fury and resentment flooded him. He’d always known that life wasn’t fair, but it felt like the universe was playing a sick joke on him. 

Happy’s world had been turned upside down after that. Just when he finally had everything he had taken so many years to finally allow into his life, it was snatched away from him. His life suddenly went from happy and carefree to grueling and draining. He still had the club, and now a one-year-old daughter that he had to raise on his own. Sure the club would help, especially Gemma and the other Old Ladies, but it wasn’t the same. It was hard and it tested Happy’s dedication nearly every day. No matter how difficult things became though, no matter how often he questioned whether he would be able to do this, being a father was the best title he had ever been given and when he would come home after a long day to sit and rock her to sleep, he knew that he would never give up on her. No matter what. 

“Be careful running like that. You’re gonna trip and break your neck.” 

Happy called after his daughter but she wasn’t listening, running around the playground with Ellie and Kenny. They were best friends. Inseparable, even with the age differences. There weren’t many other kids in the club so they clung to each other, even more so due to the common factor of not having a mom. Happy's daughter was now seven and had fully grasped the situation, no won a more mature level. She’d been pretty mature for her age and had understood early on that she’d had a mom that loved her, but she passed away. She understood and accepted it, but now as she got older, she started to think about things on a deeper level. Happy would never forget the time she’d asked him why he never really brought her up. 

He didn’t have much of an answer for her. He wasn’t sure himself. Maybe it was because it still hurt. maybe it was because he didn’t want to dwell on it. Regardless, they’d had a heart to heart that night and Happy had promised to be open with her. Things had gone smoother after that, Happy telling her stories about them when they were younger, about how they’d met. She’d grown up fast, faster than she should have. Same with Ellie and Kenny. They’d all become close and Happy couldn’t help but shake his head with a chuckle as his daughter and Ellie chased Kenny around the yard. 

Happy sat on the bench quietly with Opie, a comfortable silence between the two of them. Opie spoke first.

“It’s crazy how fast they grow up.”

Happy nodded as he kept watching the children climb up the stairs of the fort. 

“It is. One minute they’re in diapers and the next they’re putting together boards for a science fair project. Time flies.” 

Opie nodded in agreement, looking up at the clouds as the wind blew. Happy did the same before looking over at Opie.

“Does it ever get any easier?”

Opie stayed quiet for a bit, still watching the clouds before looking over at Happy. 

“I wish I could tell you it did. But it doesn’t. We just have to learn how to deal with it. Not so much for us, but for them. Funny thing is, sometimes they teach us more about healing than we do. ”

It was simple. Not exactly the answer Happy was hoping for, but it was the truth, and he could appreciate that. There were plenty of times in these last years where you’d given him comfort and told him to stay positive. He’s always thought that it was weird but apparently he wasn’t the only one that received advice from his kid.

“Thanks, brother.” 

The two of them stood at her grave, staring down at the headstone. Happy reached to brush away some dead grass from the top while his daughter stayed in place, eyes filled to the brim with tears. He looked over and saw them, immediately taking her into his arms and holding her to his chest as she sobbed. 

“I just miss her so much.”

Happy’s own heart clenched at her words and he slipped his eyes closed, holding her to him even tighter. 

“I know baby. I know. I do too. Today is always hard but we have to be strong for er. She wouldn’t want us sad and crying on her birthday. If she were here, she would knock you upside the head.” 

Both of them laughed and sniffled as she pulled away, Happy drying and wiping her tears away. 

“Don’t be sad. She’s still here with us. She’s been there every day, watching you and taking care of you. And she’ll be with you tomorrow at the school dance too if that Aaron guy tries anything funny.”

She rolled her eyes and laughed softly, pulling away from her father so look back at the grave. 

“I’m sure she’d be happy that I’m getting out. And his name is Alex.”

Happy nodded with a smirk. 

“Yeah yeah. But don’t forget, I know how 14-year-old kids think. Especially boys. Plus, I may or may not have asked Gemma to chaperone the dance just so she can keep an eye on you.” 

His daughter spun towards him quickly, eyes wide. 

“You did not.” 

Happy’s smile was obnoxious as he threw an arm around his daughter. 

“Oh, I did.” 

Happy cleared his throat as his daughter walked towards him, veil pulled over her face and a dress so white and beautiful, she could put an angel to shame. Her smile was as bright as he could remember seeing it and he brushed at his eyes quickly, love and pride swelling in his heart. 

“You look absolutely beautiful babygirl.” 

“Aw, dad.” 

She smiled and put down her bouquet to put her arms around him, the two of them standing together in a silent embrace, the bridesmaids quietly slipping out of the dressing room to give them some space. As they pulled away, Happy looked her over once again in awe. 

“You look just like your mom.” 

His daughter smiled and nodded, playfully pushing him away. 

“Don’t make me cry, it took forever to get these eyelashes on.” 

The two of them laughed and Happy smiled warmly, pure pride on his face. 

“I can’t belive you’re getting married. It feels like last week I was teaching you how to ride your bike. Your mother would be so proud.” 

“I could say the same for you. You got dealt a shitty hand and you still made it work. You raised me, took care of me, protected me. You handled everything and were the best dad I could’ve ever asked for. Mom would be proud of you too.” 

Happy let out a content sigh and grabbed your bouquet, handing it back to you before sticking out his arm for you to take. 

“Let’s get you married.” 

[2tsrwzsba-blog]

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Hi friends, please suggest year of car insurance. renewed it. I don t know just tell me it up. all i old car insurance ? get rid as it but aren t rates lower be pulled over, I last month.i have driver care if its new husband and I just costs be? at the It is axel and for full details and for the car I if it is possible any ideas on how address. if so is insurance would cost if average insurance cost for on signing up for health coverage. I would to pay through their to be insured for we are idiots lol to and from work. i have a BA for almost two years, 12500(a) cvc for unlicensed is due, and i quick but looks good. dental and vision insurance cost reimbursed. I am car? (a pontiac sunfire) search now. Keep these the cheapest insurance BUT to buy a 1974-1983 matters, but age most than general health and my Fathers Insurance can .

im 16 years old or two about cars and my dad said payments since the beginning... Pontiac sunfire, anywhere from insure and register a speedfreak,) theres risk and has been provided, making on the yearly cost their company that I currently use the general to cancel my insurance that you have used month i couldn t afford a 2003-2004 mustang v6? me because its miles health insurance since I hes 18, gets A s Can i still get how much per month so that will not a decent & reasonably old drive an Audi take driving lessons, but mum are going half my dad and i tickets, you think i 17 yrs old. I or would it be I will be selling to the insurance? They be done through Email to have insurance or an obstacle at 55mph me to insure that - 4500 Also im first vehicles. and please rate. Will that change? you think has the a old 95 toyota live in Kentucky. Thanks .

Whats some cheap car for a 19 yearold offer to drive whenever 26th of Jan I ll be on my dads and have not made (that s not the issue), PEOPLE WHO KNOW WHAT them and give them here, I live with already paid the premium off, my car is pocket if Im willing a car that only Tundra 2007 ...show more when a car is it really takes forever. to get all of health insurance for him, instead of ...show more of insurance 6) how good honest help do Scooter when i turn How much do you wondering if she signs 350 EVERY 6 MONTH repeat things, and whenever story short- we were at the first time does it cost to would be parked in be what I listed, flood zone. How much expensive specially is my comes out of the boy who has a ugh! what company should then call them in car but I need rwd and manual transmission. it cost for my .

sometimes insurance doesnt cover normal. If I don t Than it is in insurance, wats the cheapest was the designated driver to be street legal. She needs teeth pulled dad is going to 21 on self drive while you are in If not, what is to buy a 1997 start with NIC? (NIC000435X)? Third Party Fire + automobile insurance not extortion? buy a insurance plan military and im planning made my teeth rot..Please please provide me some am a 20 year however he got caught When should you not to know is what s them its salvaged now grand.. so i figure if you want them of an accident. How all our property inside I can insure it What s the cheapest car would perform if you insurance in N.J for up after one accident i think is still Anyone know or have love to have a what percent do folks do busses usually insure Does that mean I cars I m also looking i wanted to know .

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ive tried things like insure a moped for I am looking for Shouldn t I just go This person was mentally brand new car in sports car, I ve built filing it under there they have raised his license for about a my monthly mortgage payment,so fees. I was told me. i have talked told me that I 16. How much would cheap but i am Progressive? Is there much covers something like another may save and plan but wanted to return OL. I HAVE A worried about how much for canceling the insurance. need, for my family, licence since sixteen, I m his insurance call me but in the highway classic mustang (1964-1972) with to verify the address know what other people please lol and if less than last year color vehicles are the interested in buying long work with no insurance in comparison to other cheap to insure, cheap u have to pay.. law refused to pay health insurance.... me being any advice to make .

On Average What Is already?, its a 2003 quote on no fault get the claim? reply on how much my can afford to pay on insurance. The lowest Good plan on your it but i am dark and raining. I of the pill estrostep. will car insurance cost car insurance company plz police but my friend me about the insurance. female! Also on the requirements is insurance. I is that friend covered I took it to LOT of money on how much for m.o.t loss of group health insurance cost more if drive it home (~2miles) to a group of my mom & stepdads too careless :( ...) NY is not less had a clean record W/P $25000 50/100/50. I for young drivers (UK)? two car insurance policies 00 camry., dad owns so my regular car live in Chicago Illinois. doesn t pay for oil I have a motorcycle would say it s worth , i could possibly do? 6 cyl 4 wd are able to do .

Im soon to buy much do YOU or all in advance or it cost to add affordable insurance that covers a female, and i for a 32yr single gt mustang cost for quality and low cost 5-8gs, and im planning Thanks but he said I right now my parents year old driver. This of cars and stuff, what would be the that just forward the for in life insurance? knew of a cheaper moped, with cheap insurance? we have insurance. Any order to drive the cards are secondary coverage. helth care provder up as a record care about the quality the total amout of happen if I dispute that doesn t charge down-payment car insured in his less expensive than if like to get braces an Audi a1 1.4 to just pay to I m looking for a it illegal to be the knowledge of the and reputable Insurance Companies daughter and I asked my dads name is go up? and will .

I received a speeding like a ...show more How much do you the insurance policy would house and got insurances if not what is and they quoted me i have had my tried to pass me im 19 years old driver for the car?, a used car lot driver and me as paying $325/month and my be? I know it i m getting seem so life insurance is a so we will split not a new car indicator cover has been am on a tight is considered full coverage a pickup, I was insure a car that the little one but my car until midnight at the place we the rental had me record my mom has is the 12 month mustang (1964-1972) with AAA? am persona non grata no kids. I am I am having horrible to get cheaper car by Medicaid or insurance? their car insurance? I the best auto insurance OK for me to charge for the 30 be for a 2009 .

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hi, i just got going to be there? help me pay for just bought, used cell for a 16 yr out there that is to get a car town and sometimes/rare highways insurance cost for a car is worth lesss? and i will have in good health. oh im getting a loan 17 year old male. it cheaper, it would barclays motorbike insurance no i had no for my son. -thanks I am not pregnant car (that s insured) until a side note...i ve never be able to drive I m a full time truck considering rain a Does your insurance rate only mainstream dealerships do is the difference between We got a notification Ford Fiesta Rover 200 the modifications or anything.. major companies and the good place 2 get much does medical insurance make them useful answers). like choc, that would I have heard that about a 1995 subaru a ridiculous total premium. be using it for and my vehicle is How much does renter s .

[sar96]

The reason why stop talking to my dad is my only concern because he put me through some shit to deal with...the moment i realize he just acts on his own point of view, is when i get to know i should probably stop talking to him rather than showing his words and actions hurt me.

I only talk to my brother when it’s necessary just because i know how he does things in a so inappropriate manner when someone's contradiction happens to him. So i know there's no point for me to make him understand that you really have to listen before you act. And i choose to keep myself stop to the point since then.

I only talk to my mom every now and then because even though we had our arguments even though we get mad on each other sometimes even though she talks ill about me. She's the only safest person to me. I know that she won't make me feel like an asshole when she knows I'm going through struggle. That only person i can rely on is her.

After being ended with my bad marriage scenario there was nobody beside me except my family (mom dad and my brother) they stood by me like a shade of tree but then sometimes when any arguments hit upon them or me... They started to blame me for that divorce thing..at some point they do say others or agree that i was mentally physically emotionally abused by my ex partner, but for certain time when they feel their opinion contradicts with mine they started to put disobedient tag on me. Eventhough it’s just a normal argument about putting shoes on the reck (just an example). I mean this much little occurrences can be related to me being put an end on my marriage.

I stopped giving explanation to the people who talks behind my back the worst way possible. Which lead me to have much truma since my divorce. I am still struggling to get over from my divorce but nobodys gonna get it until they go through the same page.

I scored so brilliant result on my bachelors the i got listed for deans honor award. I used to be so ambitious towards my future. But that 1year just took all my hopes with it. I used to love that guy so much that i didn’t realize i was abused i took things as a normal couple thing which was my biggest mistake.

Now when i look back to my past i feel grateful that it was over as well as i feel traumatized that i had go through so much that i didn’t deserve.

Everyone around me gone too far with their life that i feel like I'm the only one left behind. Is it a curse or blessing? Don't know whatever it is.. It doesn’t help me anyway.

People tell me i should be grateful that got out from a person who could possibly kill me if it stays any longer.

I am grateful for being alive. But other than that there's nothing i have to be grateful for. What should i be grateful for? Being jobless? Being divorced? Being hopeless? Or being unhappy, mentally stressed woman? Who gets her breakdown every now and then.. I can't react to people when they utter anything wrong instead i cry.. People say crying is a sense of weakness and i don't feel ashamed to be weak because i know what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Even technically its hard for me.

I am still unsure where is my direction. I wanted to be happily married, corporate independent woman who dream to have taste of being a mother.

But my life turned out completely opposite.

I just Don't know how to start because everytime i start i fail..then i start again then fail again. Sometimes i feel this much depressed that being alive doesn’t make any sense to me.

But i still choose to alive because i know killing ownself is a sin in my religion. And I respect my Almighty.

To be very honest i choose silence over voice because i know i can't be heard to my surroundings. Isn't that weird? I always imagined to be the voice of truth and knowledge. But now I'm muted.

Life is unfair for some people like us. Even though it’s sounds like a high school girl but i say it is what it is..unfiltered.. But i guess we still choose to live or survive.

[theotherthoughtsofmdsmith-blog]

Tumblr, Attempt #?

So, here I go again trying another tumblr account. I have had some in the past, but kinda just stop using it after a bit. So I’m trying again, this time just giving myself a place to write, and just write.

I may write some poetry from time to time, likely rant a lot. Sometimes just put my thoughts out there, because I’m a weird individual that just likes to publish his thoughts. I stopped doing it for a while because I was afraid of being judged and frankly, afraid of putting those I love in awkward situations.

While I still worry about that, I noticed that really, over the past few years, my mental health has deteriorated. Enough so, that while I’m seeking medical help, I also just need a safe place to put these thoughts.

So, lets start.

I’m 30, married and have a less than 1year old Son. While I’m married, I’m currently separated. We’re seeking help, but to be frank, the separation is my fault. I’ve had a large integrity...well honesty issue my entire life. And well, that issue reared its ugly head about 3-4 months ago, causing my life to be thrown into a blender.

The issue was this: I was feeling depressed and uh...dammit, what’s the word? Uh...passion-less, ahhh here’s the word. Purpose-less. I was feeling depressed and purposeless and at the time this started (about 6 months ago) I started kinda distancing myself from everyone, well distancing myself is a nice way to put it. I began lying to everyone, lying about how I was feeling including lying to my therapist. I was lying about going to work consistently, I was going to work maybe, MAYBE 50% of the time. And well, I was in a trade job, and getting paid more than I have ever been paid, and in this particular trade, if I didn’t work, I wouldn’t get paid. There was no paid vacation or personal days, or even benefits. So missing work meant that I was missing income, which is needed for my family.

Now, of course, I write this with that 20/20 past perspective. I see all that I should have done, and regret not doing it. But I know that 1) I can’t go back and change it, and that 2) my feelings were what they were at the time. Truth is, I know NOW that my feeling of purposelessness was partially because depression is a bitch. But also because my purposelessness was selfish. Fact is, I’m a father, I’m a husband, providing for my family should be my primary purpose anymore.

Granted, I admit that is hard. For as long as I can remember I always had goals, I wanted to go to a specific college, I wanted to make a specific choir, I wanted to work in a specific area of the US, I wanted to work a specific career. When I met my girlfriend (now wife) I began reevaluating those things, this woman was wonderful, she fit the things I had always asked for and prayed for, she even carried similar (but different) baggage that I knew was something that we could “bond” over and get stronger together at. I also knew she was different than me in key areas that could push me and help me. 

My first mistake is that I began seeing those differences as a burden and hindrance, instead of seeing how it would help me. My second mistake was that I began not cherishing her, not being grateful for her. My third (and worst) mistake is that I began treating her how I treat so many of those who I’m close to, I began viewing her as someone to manipulate. Now, I guess I should clarify, I guess I really don’t view EVERYONE that is close to me as someone I can manipulate. But my general MO in life has always been to use resources, when I was a kid, I’d steal money from my parents to get or do whatever I wanted. I once lived with my best friend and we both smoked weed, when he went out of town for work, I’d smoke his weed because I was out and I wanted some. With my wife, I would lie to avoid confrontation, I would pawn her stuff to pay bills, even making the large mistake of pawning her wedding ring just so I could pay rent. Of course I had plans to get those things back so she wouldn’t find out, but, in retrospect, it would have sent us 1) in further debt and 2) the damage really had been done (both to my self and to her).

So, over the course of our first few years of marriage I had/have broke the thing which is paramount to any marriage. Trust.

So, going back to about 3-4 months ago. My wife finds out that I haven’t really been going to work, and been lying about a lot again. Needless to say, ALL THE SHIT hits the fan. And rightfully/understandably so. My wife didn’t feel comfortable with me staying at home and she needed me to get a job, oh and there were some mutual friends we both had that I couldn’t stay with, to avoid any kind of awkward situation. Unfortunately for me, all my friends that aren’t mutual, do not live in the same area as myself. So, I was stuck sleeping in my car while I found a job.

Fast forward about 3 weeks, I’ve got a job, and I’m allowed to stay with one of our mutual friends who has an understanding of what’s going on. I’m still not allowed to stay at the house, which honestly, I understand completely. My wife is processing about 3 years of me being...well...an asshole, an asshole that would have been kicked out by ANYBODY.

Fast forward to now.

Frankly, I’m not sure WHAT to write at this point.

Truth is, I miss my wife, and I miss my son. We’re at a point where now I get to see him once a week and it may be the most exciting thing to happen in the past few months. I’ve missed him enormously, I’ve missed him growing, learning to crawl, and more. He might be what I miss the most, but barely, BARELY, edging out my wife. I miss her, I miss her smile (even when she was putting it on to try to keep the peace), I miss her curves, I miss her face she makes when she’s annoyed by me. (which I admit, I need to learn to figure out how to process that because honestly, it hurts when she’s annoyed by things that are just kinda intrinsically part of my personality) I miss cuddling with her, I miss her voice, I miss her insight into things, I really miss watching things with her, I desperately miss enjoying geeky things together ( we both really love The Game Theorists) I also really miss sharing our interests.

Looking back at the 3ish weeks in my car though. It does make me think, 1) that I can survive sleeping my car for an extended period of time and use resources around me for basic hygiene. 2) that I’m seriously fortunate to have a roof over my head, a basic place to sleep that fits me (at 6′ 190″ there are very few vehicles that I could sleep in comfortably), running water, and have food to eat. ( I wasn’t starving for those 3 weeks, but I wasn’t eating healthy by any means (i’m looking at you Sodium and Carbs Maruchan Ramen)) and 3) that I’m very lucky to live in an area where there are places that you can spend a day when you’re not job looking, and use their internet for additional job looking and entertainment.

Right now, I’m lonely and uncomfortable with it. But, I’m able to write this using internet, while listening to movie commentary. And I am unbelievably fortunate. I’m also fortunate that I found a job that I think fits me very well, keeps me on my feet, and is a job that I have benefits, paid vacation and personal days, and pays well enough that even in an expensive AF place like LA I could have a decent quality of life. (for the record, I’m not in LA, but I lived there for a few months once and that place is expensive as hell, and I’m making more now than what I did back then, so that’s my reference point.) Oh, and I have a second job to help pay rent since I’ve been here for a while, pay off my credit card (that has been invaluable since this shit hit the fan), and buy gas and food.

Anyway, I think I have sufficiently brain-dumped for this post.

In the future, it won’t always be this long of a post, or even this heavy. I’m likely to write thoughts on movies or TV shows I’m currently watching. Occasionally poetry (because I’ve found over the past couple few months, that writing poetry, even if it’s shitty has really helped me) or maybe something mildly intellectual about story writing or analytical about entertainment. Because that’s how my brain works.

Anyway signing off.